#i'm always thinking about them though. just so you know. PLEASE S4. LET THEM BE IN A ROOM TOGETHER AGAIN

[stewyhosseini-bf]

sorry to randomly bring this up but. I think the thing that makes Kenstewy stand out to me so much is how their scenes feel so earnest ? to the point that they BOTH feel like almost different characters when they interact with each other. Like the way Kendall has a hard time looking everyone, even his own FAMILY in the eyes, but with Stewy he doesn't flinch and he holds steady eye contact almost all the time (and when he doesn't, stewy searches out his gaze but let's not get into it) .. the way Stewy never shies away from telling people what's on his mind in a totally blunt way but with Kendall he still tries to be nice about whatever he says.. like okay, Argestes:

first of all, they're like actively fighting and this is how they interact, FIRST time seeing each other since the big betrayal btw

then also the fact that Kendall genuinely wants to warn Stewy about the acquistion.. like he's NOT lying, at that point they ARE about to acquire Pierce and it WOULD kill their approach and he wants to warn him, which is fair enough considering everything that happened.

but then also:

even when Stewy's telling him he doesn't trust him he's nice about it but you can STILL tell kendall is really hurt by it.... like ... and re: Kendall being visibly hurt by Stewy saying 'I don't trust you' .. this is the same guy whose been told 'everyone here fucking hates you' 'x fucking hates you' millions of times and has essentially reacted with 'yeah okay, whatever, I can handle it' each time. but THAT'S his reaction to this ?! in a show where there is SO little space for genuine affection/consideration even between characters who are related or married .. the fact that these two seem to so genuinely care abt each other is kind of shocking.....

[cookinguptales]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💙

You know... I put off answering this for a while because I just could not choose five. And I still can't?? I have so many fics I've written, many of them for fandoms of one, and I find that I actually love a lot of them.

So... if you'll forgive me, I think I'll just talk about a whole bunch of fics that I love for a whole bunch of reasons.

(cut because... I really do talk about a lot of fics lmao)

I think these days a lot of people follow me for WWDITS/nandermo fic. It's one of my current loves, and I've really enjoyed writing for this fandom. I do wonder if I'll keep writing after nandermo becomes canon (or gets sunk for good) but in the meantime... I guess I'll just keep having a good time?

I think my favorite fic I've ever written for WWDITS is Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow, Too. I was looking at a bunch of prompts for the Trick-or-Treat Exchange (more on that later) and I ended up smushing several of them together in my head. But then the story really got away from me, I guess, as I really started to delve deep into Nandor's mind (a WILD place to be, I'm telling you) and it ended up not being posted for another month. Whoops?

Either way, though, I feel like I was really able to get at some of the ideas I'd been juggling with the characters for a long time at that point, and I think the prose itself was very nice at times. I did complicated things with that fic that I haven't done before, and in the end... I think I did a good job! It's probably the fic I'm proudest of in this fandom.

That said, I'd like to give Honorable Mentions to both When We Sway (I Go Weak) and Five Times Guillermo Helped Nandor Collect Semen (And One Time He Didn't) just because both of those fics involved me getting wildly out of my comfort zone. I think both of them seem a bit... outdated, maybe, after s4 and s5, but I think they match the tone of s3 nicely.

Sway was heavy on pining, something I feel like I'm good at writing, but also very heavy on physical action. As many of you know, I'm disabled! I have never waltzed. The kind of movement I described in that fic is not easy for me to do myself, and action scenes have always been difficult for me to write fluidly. So the fact that I was able to write both dancing and fighting convincingly in that fic made me really relieved. I got several comments from dancers telling me how well I'd captured dancing with a partner and like. PHEW. I did a ton of research and bro I was RELIEVED. So I do feel very proud of that.

Even more outside of my wheelhouse was both 5+1 things fics. I'd written a little bit of porn before this, even some for nandermo, but not much and I was largely dissatisfied with it. But boy did I get a lot of practice with those fics. lmao. It was essentially 11 sex scenes of various levels of filth loosely strung together with longing, and like... honestly, I'm very pleased at how most of them turned out! And I think I'm a lot better at writing porn now, even if it always turns out very fucking weird and introspective.

Speaking of weird.

The other fandom I love dearly these days is Sleep No More, which I've been writing for for several years. For a long time, I mostly just wrote this one for exchanges? Mostly ToT and Yuletide. I love writing for SNM, an interactive theater situation in NYC, because I can really fuck around with writing styles. I can play with ideas about religion and folklore and magic and blood and storytelling and tradition, and I can do it while writing some of the most fucked-up relationships that exist. I can play with a show that has very little spoken word, where a slap and a kiss might be in the same loosely choreographed dance, where I get to be a part of this haunted house, but only as a ghost...

While I'm sure the very few people who usually read my SNM fic might disagree, I think my favorite thing I've ever written for SNM is It's A Sin to Tell A Lie. It was my first time really trying to assemble a semi-coherent narrative from the show (largely inspired by some things that I realize now were not always common experiences in the show lmao) so I'm not sure it always aligns with how I see the characters now, but I feel like I wrote a really haunting fic that used the source material in interesting ways.

The Honorable Mention this time goes to The Consequence of Sounds, which is probably the strangest thing I've ever written. A friend of mine joked that she'd like it even if someone wrote like a haunted space hotel AU for the show and that apparently scratched something insane in my brain, so... I wrote a fic that combined space opera, Macbeth, Scottish folk magic, and the music of the spheres.

It's....... very weird. But it was also so fun to write, and I think it was fairly successful. I think the point of fanfiction is weaving together a familiar canon in a brand-new way, and I had fun bringing odd little allusions and old ideas into a new AU. I had to get really creative and that was so fun.

Speaking of weird AUs... I wrote a lot of them when I used to write karabita. haha. This is another one of those fandoms that I picked up a lot of followers with, though idk if any still follow me. Osomatsu-san was a weird comedy show that threw itself into surrealism and AUs very often, and that allowed me to do the same. I think... out of the many, many karabita fics I wrote, my favorite might be Love's Carriers, which is a flower shop AU I wrote out of spite after someone told me that all flower shop AUs are terrible. I worked really, really hard to make the AU suit the characters rather than the other way around while also incorporating flower language, one of my favorite stupid tropes. Again, I think this one came out surprisingly well, especially considering I wrote it in like... 24 hours in a fit of pique. lmao.

Other fics I remember being very proud of in that era... uh... The odd karabita KH AU that no one read because there is basically zero crossover between those fandoms... The soulmark AU because I am WEAK to those... The wingfic... ah... the wingfic... I don't know if I'd use words like "best" or "favorite" for that wingfic, but... I do think it's probably the most I've ever put of myself into a fic. The anxieties re: love and disability that I put into that fic were so real that I still cry every time I look at certain parts of it. I've grown as a person since writing it, but... yeah, those are still fears that haunt me. So I guess I could say it feels the most "me" of any of them I ever wrote.

Other than that... I guess we end up in my exchange fic era. I spent many years writing fic of extremely variable quality for exchanges lmao. I think the most successful was undoubtedly there's not a word yet (for old friends who just met), the muppets slash fic that launched... god, honestly. like. I know I did not create a fandom, but being in at the ground floor and being the one that everyone came to talk to when the pairing DID get off the ground was surreal. lmao. I created that tag on AO3! Everyone said I was crazy for writing that fic! Then they read it and they fell in love a little bit! Then the pairing became canon and everything went bananas! What a weird, surreal, delightful fandom experience.

That Muppets fic really came from the heart and really just came from me writing a fic during a very difficult time in my life and wanting to create a love letter to the characters that got me through it. I wanted to make other people feel the way The Muppets made me feel, and the fact that I succeeded in that (against all odds!) really does make that one special to me.

But... I wrote a ton of exchange fics for tiny, tiny fandoms that most people have never considered! Weird spooky crossover f/f ships, like my Crazy Rich Asians/Ready Or Not Astrid/Grace fic, or my Stoker/Sharp Objects India/Amma fic! Rarepairs like my Kimi no Na wa (Your Name) f/f Mitsuha/Miki fic! An unhinged lost episode of Puppet History! Character studies of dear little elderly murderers in Arsenic and Old Lace!

I also wrote sort of quasi-original fic, especially for the ToT exchange. Ghosts of dinosaurs falling in love with each other in a museum (inspired by a real historical case of the wrong skull being on a skeleton -- and god, that one has a hilarious IRL story attached to it) and a pet shop full of the ghosts of animals longing for companionship and grim reapers grappling with life and death and forbidden love. Mann I loved writing those.

And honestly??? I could write entire posts about any of the fics I'm talking about here. I love them, especially the ones that weren't really loved by anyone else. Hell, I'm turning that pet shop into an extended f/f origific right now.

Writing fic for tiny fandoms of one or two for an exchange feels so bittersweet because you can make that person really happy (and, not to toot my own horn, but I tend to make recipients really happy in exchanges) but it just kind of... fades away. Those stories sometimes have very short lifespans just because they're really just for one person. It's not a good or bad thing, just the nature of exchanges. I love designing a fic that's tailored to one person's likes, dislikes, and deepest desires. It's so fun for me. But it is kind of sad to see those fics fall by the wayside after. So I have to love them enough to make up for it. haha.

Finally... a fic I adored writing, that absolutely consumed me, and it's for a fandom that is basically nonexistent. I loved going to Meow Wolf's House of Eternal Return and experiencing the work of hundreds of artists all coming together to make something great. I wanted to add my art, too. No one is out here looking for HoER fic, especially not for the pairing I wrote, but like. BOY, if there's any fic I've ever written that's the definition of "I wrote this for me", it's Gnosis.

Anyway, yeah, I've been posting fic on AO3 for *checks* almost 15 years now, so I guess it makes sense that I can't narrow this down to just five, lmao. But I'm also trying not to go on too much.

But seriously, seriously, if anyone wants me to talk more about these fics or any other that I've written, I would be so incredibly happy to give you a play-by-play of what I was thinking, what I was trying to do, what I liked, what I disliked, what I'd change now, what changed me, etc. I think any author would be haha.

But I'll cut this short now!! As for who to tag... honestly, since I read so much fiction for a living these days, I don't really read fanfic anymore. I'm not sure who I follow writes it anymore. I have most fic tags filtered, being real with you. So... how about this. If you are a writer and you want me to tag you, just lmk!!! And I will send you the message.

[kmze]

I was on reddit the other day and I saw some people say that Plec had complete control over tvd s4 onward along with Dries and that's why plots like sire bond happened.I thought Plec was the sole showrunner of tvd during s3 when KW was gone even though he was credited as executive producer.In fact,I have also heard Plec and Kevin both decided to introduce the sire bond plot in s3 through Tyler because they wanted to sire Elena once she transitioned.Is there any truth to any of those claims about Plec?I don't think Plec single-handedly made all the decisions.The network was involved too.Ian had once said network shut down Bamon as early as s2 to protect the triangle.Klaus was originally gonna die in s3 which was Julie's decision but the network & KW prevented that from happening.Just so you know I'm not excusing Plec for her shitty choices like the forest flop or how Bonnie's storylines were handled.She was not a pushover but she was also definitely not in complete control of everything that happened.That's not how shows work.Your thoughts?

Hey anon, so I'm going to do my best to answer based on how I understand things but as far as what's said on Reddit lol, those people are a lost cause. People read one thing and they think that's the be all end all, and for whatever reason that sub is majority SE fans so they tend to look at KW with rose colored glasses. So please take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt just because I don't work in the film/tv industry so I don't know how much networks affect shows storylines but I do have a good idea of which showrunner was in charge each season and who was probably making the decisions. Under the cut because as usual I wrote a lot.

There were three showrunners for TVD and for the most part their order of decision making went Kevin > Julie > Dries. Kevin left after he wrote 3x01 to do the Secret Circle (the book is in the same universe as TVD but I don't think the show was). Once Kevin left to do that I don't think he was as involved in the storyline on TVD, I'm sure Julie and him kept in touch but mostly he let her steer the ship. So for 8 seasons here's how I see it:

Kevin and Julie

Kevin and Julie

Julie and Dries

Julie and Dries

Dries (but still reporting to Julie)

Julie and Dries

Dries (until Julie took over when Dries left cause she fucked everything up)

Julie (but Kevin affected the ending and possibly some of the storyline)

While I do think the decision on Klaus was a network thing I don't think the sirebond or Bamon was them. With Klaus it's the network because it's about saving a character for a spin-off, I know at some point they were going to do a Tyler/Caroline spin-off instead and they scrapped that for TO. I cannot find an article to back me up but I thought Joseph said once that they wanted to chemistry test him with Candice when they were thinking about keeping Klaus alive and that's where the KC birthday scene was born. So I think that's a mix of both, the network wanted to keep Klaus and they needed to soften him up a bit and picked Caroline for that.

The sire bond was Julie and Dries I believe, they kind of said as much here. It was done in order to move Elena onto Damon faster and since the show was always about a love triangle I don't think the network cared how it was done. I think it is possible Kevin and Julie talked about the sire bond as a way to speed up DE because I know they said they had Damon kill Jeremy in 2x01 to slow down Damon from being too heroic (which don't even get me started on RME). As for Bamon that I think was all Julie and probably Dries, because Bonnie's treatment started really going downhill in S3 after Kevin left and didn't get better until S6. I know that Kevin helped Julie plan out some of S6 so he might have been the one who rescued Bonnie and had the prison world idea. I know he made sure she wasn't killed in the finale too, I mean I am 100% of the notion that Julie and Dries hated Bonnie because they're racist (or at least internalized racism). I don't know if the network had much to do with that, not that they couldn't be racist as well I just think that was more a showrunner thing and maybe they used the networks as a scapegoat with Ian.

I have a theory about the showrunners and why the show's direction changes based on who's in charge. Basically I think each showrunner has their OSG (one-special-girl) and their decisions tend to revolve around that girl. For Kevin its Elena, that's why Elena gets all the high-cachet male attention in S1 & S2 (Stefan, Damon, Elijah, Matt). For Julie it's Caroline which is why in S3 Caroline starts getting more love interests and why I think Julie picked Caroline for Klaus' chemistry test instead of Elena (which is what Kevin would have done). I also suspect Julie wouldn't let Kevin kill or hurt Caroline's endgame to prop SE back up in the finale. Instead Caroline got Stefan AND Klaus' endgames and Elena got the chin kiss. Then there's Dries who I actually think her OSG is Katherine BUT she'll use Elena if she must but a lot of time she'll do it in spite. That's essentially why I think S5 went the way it did. Dries loves Katherine and gave her the human plot and also Stefan for a bit. Then she came up with Kathlena which ended up being a hit against SE because Stefan couldn't tell it was Katherine when before he always figured it out first.

I do agree that Julie isn't a pushover, I definitely don't love a lot of the stuff she's done and the show has ALWAYS had bad consent issues. Sometimes I think people act like the consent issues started in S4 with the sire bond but Caroline in S1 and Andie in S2 were repeatedly raped, compelled and abused by Damon and that was all under Kevin. The sire bond was just the first time Elena got that same treatment and people started to notice. Ultimately I think much of the direction of the show was Julie because she was in charge the longest, even 5&7 where she worked on other shows, she had final say. The only reason she let Kevin switch the death in S8 was he was the one who got TVD greenlit (since he was a bigger name) so she did owe him. I've also seen it speculated that since she said no to DJ on Dawson's Creek for PJ she didn't want to take another endgame away from him.

[the-gentler-gamester]

Happy ST4 Anniversary, nerds!

One year on since this moment in the first episode changed the trajectory of my life.

Now. Gather round, children. It's story time.

Let's dial the clock back.

- It's January 2008. I'm sitting alone in a dark cinema. The film I'm about to watch is Sweeney Todd. I. Am. Hyped. Suddenly this young lad appears on the screen. I watch the film and fall in love with it. I watch the credits thinking, "who played Anthony? I gotta remember that name. Kid will surely go places!"

- I do remember the name. And saw it crop up several times over the years. Twilight, The Mortal Instruments. But I was never more than just a casual admirer. I was always pleased to see him though.

- Then came the realisation he was a musician too. (Oh hey look, it's also the one year anniversary of Run On/Devil in Me!) I checked out some of his band's music and wasn't too keen (at the time that is. Low-key obsessed now.) It was little too hard-core for me. Although I did think it was pretty cool when I saw that they'd tour and Glasgow would occasionally be on the list. Alas I never went to any of their shows. (THE REGRET IS SO REAL)

Then... he fell off my radar.

- Stranger Things S4. Up until this point, I enjoyed the show. But never called myself a "fan"! So, I never really kept up to date with filming etc. Anyway. I sit down to watch the new series. Literally right after the title sequence, the name flashes up on my screen. I sit bolt upright.

"Oh... you're back."

You know that way when you see someone's name in the opening credits of something and think "I wonder who they're playing. I gotta keep an eye out" but then you're so swept up in the action, you forget? And before you know it, it's over and you sit there thinking "wait... I didn't see them..." Yeah! I should have clicked right then who he was playing... hindsight huh?

- The series progresses and come episode 5, I FINALLY see the face I've been waiting for. And something changes in me. It's hard to explain. I'm immediately intrigued and by episode 7 I'm ALL IN. This character, man!

- I have quite a few friends who love the show. And we're all collectively losing our minds. For several different reasons. I would have these amazing conversations with each of them. And while the world falls in love with Eddie, I'm inexorably drawn back into the fold by that same blond-haired, blue eyed boy who has been tucked away in my heart, waiting for the moment when I finally realise he's been there all along.

- My focus has been shifted back to him. I revisit all our previous connections with new eyes (AND ears!) All the while, the friendships I have are being fed constantly. Daily, nerdy conversations are my life. I've never smiled and laughed so much. All of this also allowed me to reconnect with people who had drifted away from me. Not intentionally. But life (and a pandemic) gets in the way. This series opened a gateway to allow so much positivity into my life. More than ever before.

- While deep diving into his past, I discover things that open my eyes further. The realisation that he was many years sober and clean after battling addictions made my heart hurt. But also instantly made me feel a deep pride in how far he'd come. I would watch videos of him interacting with fans and talking so openly and honestly about his struggles. Both with addiction and his mental health. I respected him so goddamn much for his honesty. And made me more honest about my own struggles.

Despite the darkness though, there is his sunny disposition. A laugh and smile that always makes me smile too. And there's the pure kindness and truthfulness he radiates. I was pulled in. There was no resisting.

- As odd as it sounds, everything combined gave me an entirely different outlook on life. I was happier than I'd been in such a long time. And then came the convention appearances. Oh boy. What a crazy ride that's been!

- After the initial "I can't afford this!" drama, I got my own shot at him in November of 2022. He was everything I expected and so much more. Kind, warm, chatty and an absolute sweetheart. Even though our literal first interaction was him shaking my hand, looking at me with squinty eyes then asking "have we met before?" No babe, we haven't but I've known you far longer than I realised. And our tale is a very long and complex one. Maybe one day, I'll be able to sit with you and share it myself.

Thank you. For everything. I'm so incredibly grateful that you came into my life. I owe you so much. My words, gifts and hugs will never be enough.

TL;DR - Happy S4 Day! And if you didn't know already, I fucking love one James Metcalfe Campbell Bower.

[imo-byler-endgame]

Why i'll always ship Byler;

In spite of risking being told i'm extremely selfish for what i am about to say, i'm gonna say it.

The main reason i ship Byler, a reason that changed through the years because the story has been developing, is Will's unconditional and selfless love for Mike.

And it's not an 'i ship them because i feel bad for Will' it's an 'i ship Byler because Will is willing to break his own heart for Mike and also, Mike really deserves to be loved that fiercely'.

This is where i think people might think i'm being selfish, because, what about Mike's feelings? what about El's feelings? A couple is not just about one of the people in it feelings. And please believe me i know that, i've been there myself, being on a relationship just because the other person wanted me when i really didn't.

But the truth is, look at the three of them and tell me to my face the relationship and communication between El and Mike goes as deep as the one Mike and Will have. Please, tell me so and convince that that El will be as heartbroken as Will was in s4 while trying to fix Mike and El's relationship.

I've been thinking a lot about the fight at Rink-O-Mania only to understand that Will really wanted to see Mike, he even made the painting for him, he has been in love with Mike all the time he's been in Lenora, while his heart kept breaking everytime he didn't get a phonecall or a letter from Mike while El did.

Will still went all his way out with his painting and his happy face to the airport just to be met with awkwardness and a cold shoulder pat from the boy he's in love with.

There's no time nor way to bring a different love interest for Will at this point, he is just not gonna get over Mike, probably ever. Which means we'll never see him heal from a rejection if it was to happen in s5.

Are they really gonna end an *actually * uplifting show about friendship, unconditional love and being different being a good thing on such a sad note?

Could happen, but it would break my heart if it was the outcome of everything we've seen on Stranger Things.

It's obvious that two of the characters that suffered the most on this story are El and Will, there's no way around it. And you could ask, why should Will get the happy ending with the boy he loves but not El?

And to that i really want to ask you, can't she get a happy ending without Mike? Because so far she seems pretty miserable while being with him.

And that's super important to me.

El is being miserable when she is with Mike, while Will is being miserable when he feels he can't have Mike.

Sure, Mike is his own character and there''s a lot to say about him, so let's look at him for a minute. Which relationship looks more fullfilling for Mike at this point in the story? He is boy with a severe case of low self-esteem and feeling inadequate.

Look at him at the beginning of s4, while you see Dustin going to look for Lucas's replacement for the dnd session, he goes to the people he knows. He asks Steve, Max and ultimatively he comes up with the idea of asking Erica.

Mike is seen looking for his sister first, who says no and it makes sense, because even though she was nice years ago to the boys dressing up as an elf for a campaign, now he has to look outside, talking to people he probably doesn't even know, because since the Byers and El left Hawkins, it has not been the same, and yes, there's Lucas, Max and Dustin, but it's not the same for him. Mike lost something when the Byers left Hawkins, something he's gonna bring home by the end of s4.

I'm obviously talking about William.

He said he was gonna get Will home, and that's something he has always done. He was able to find El in Mirkwood, the one person who could help them find Will when he went missing. He was on the shed telling the most heart wrenching story of how important was the day he met Will for him and managed to help getting through Will's possession, hence finding a way to bring Will home again.

The one time Mike didn't manage to bring Will back; "Will, come on, you can't leave, it's raining" everything went downhill and it ended with the Byers and El leaving Hawkins.

But once again, when everything went to shit in Hawkins and they needed El and Will back, Mike was already in Lenora and it ended on all of them, once again, getting back home to Hawkins.

But what is home? Is it Hawkins? Is it Mike's basement?

As Mike himself says, he feels he lost Will and now Hawkins is not the same. Maybe Hawkins doesn't feel like home the way it did before. Maybe "home" is not the same without Will in it.

Or maybe that one phrase saying "home is where the heart is" is right and says a lot about Mike's feelings.

[mikewheelertm]

“plots please” !

send me “plots please” and I’ll respond with 3 (or more) interesting plots I can think of for our muses!

you are in for a while ride because i'm buzzing with ideas for those two.

in tune with what we were talking on disco. let us rewrite their relationship & dynamic all through s3 & s4. because we deserve to see to light the strong platonic bond they should have always had

and this bleed into with the previous point, but post s4 / apocalypse vibes things. with hawkins pretty much on fire and the UD bleeding into the town & the creatures coming on the surface? lets explore that chaos, them adapting to navigate through it all. helping one another ( alongside the others ) survive and picking up new skills all the while trying to figure out a way to stop the chaos & vecna

i'm nothing but a predictable cryptid, so we should do something in the IT verse ( both 1 & 2 ), because there is something amusing and yet very angsty at the thought of getting away from hawkins just to be traumatized by another creature, and boy if mike does get traumatized by the clown. so those two still finding a resemble of normality in one another? yes please

wizarding world shenanigans? who doesn't need a loud mouth slytherin ( which many think should have been a gryffindor ) best friend? especially one that is very protective of his friends no matter what house they are? and that probably would get his ass kicked for them?

hear me out, i don't know the details of your fantasy verse. but either rogue elf mike or necromancer mike are being thrown your way. because i need that sort of shenanigans. and then again with the latter, considering he is immortal ( even though every time he bring back something/someone from the death he loses a little bit of himself ), there is also the possibility of a verse that slowly merge with modern time, etc etc

i adore your wednesday verse so much. and we should do something with those two in that, since mike is a ghoul and him being sent to the academy wasn't his choice. so there is the contrast between him being such a grumpy ghoul while jane is more on the content side? i need that dynamic in my life, thanks

i require some zombie apocalypse plots pls. the whole party having to fight zombies and finding a safe place, moving from city to city, trying not to get separated ( which might just happen ), dealing with the loss of people they care about and everything in the mix

again, i have no idea what your marvel verse is about, but you should tell me, so i can figure something out for jane and mutant!mike, which has been stuck in a lab undergoing tests over tests for most of his life due to the potential of his mutation, until he went off the rail and escaped. so there is potential there

i tried to keep them short and sweet because otherwise i was going to be here all day and some.

[voidstilesplease]

Patrivan Drives Me Nuts and Here's Why: Part 6

S5E5: Please, Tell The Truth [prev, first]

-> Because Ivan Confirms That He Likes Patrick Without Confirming That He Likes Patrick

Hola, chicos! This is it! We're here!!! Positively vibrating in my seat because we're now at the best episode of the last two seasons of Elite hands down, and the ultimate patrivan serve. Just- the delivery of Manu and Andre this episode is insane. However bad the previous couple of episodes for this two were, episode 5 singlehandedly fixed for us.

Because let's just come out and say it, shall we? We're all thinking of that scene, aren't we? 😏 In the latter half of the episode? That scene that we have waited for, but still hit us like a train wreck when it happened. I don't know, was that just me? Because for a minute, I thought it was going in a completely different direction (ahem Cruz).

Well, we are going to talk about that scene eventually because I have also just realized something about it that resonates with Patrick's "Five Seconds" in S4 and I'm so not normal about it, but I also have so much love in general for this episode that I couldn't just dump all of it in a single post. I think I'll divide E5 into 3 different ones, at least. But this one, this one isn't for that scene yet. Because it's a crime not to dedicate an entire post to this other tender moment between the two. And that's:

6.1 THE LAWN

*whimpering in the background while writing this, because look at them. LOOK AT THEM 🥺*

So, before we see them on the lawn, we first catch Ivan crying at the lobby and automatically think it's because of Ari's rejection, yes? Because the scenes are cut out to suggest such. But it turns out, that it's actually not. (I mean, good grief, what's he to cry about Ari anyway? Because he helped her cheat on her boyfriend? 🙄) It turns out, that it's because his dad is potentially changing football teams, and they might be leaving again soon, just when Ivan has found people he cares about and wants to stay for in Spain.

Oddly, Ari is one of those people. I won't deny that (though I really want to gloss over that 🙄). But it's not because of what Ivan's trying to imply. But rather, because she's the proof of what Ivan has always known about his sexuality. Having desires for Ari is familiar; being desired by Ari is familiar. And so he wants to cling to that familiarity after all the confusing feelings he's repressing for Patrick. (Also, maybe he's just into cheaters idk LMFAO)

BUT, straight out of Ivan's mouth, we know that what he feels for Ari is a far cry from what he feels for Patrick.

HOWEVER, as I have mentioned in a previous post, he's trying to make his crush on Ari a bigger deal than it actually is, while desperately masking the depth of his feelings for Patrick with 'friendship'.

I mean, this conversation just says it all, tbh.

*SCREAMING SOBBING WALLING LIKE AN IDIOT*

Istg, this is driving me nuts. How could it not? Because what Patrick said, just before this, about them being out of sync because they're looking at different directions, couldn't be more accurate in this dialogue. I MEAN, he said-

"What you and I have." "WHAT YOU AND I HAVE." gaaaaahhhh *pulling at the roots of my hair in pure agony*

Ivan, dear boy. You have what you're looking for, you're just not... looking. *wails*

He wants to have in a romantic relationship what he has with Patrick, but with a girl. *sputtering in total disbelief* Is that why he's so insistent on Ari? Patrick's twin freaking sister? Patrick's literal girl version? Istg, istg-

It's absolutely killing me that Ivan knows the exact emotional connection he needs and wants from a partner but his mind is too fixed on getting it from a specific gender. And since he's found it in the wrong gender, he's pushing himself more onto Ari and away from Patrick 😭. Like-

Ivan, porfa. Por favor, dios mio. 🙏 I'm kinda sad, kinda desperate, kinda frustrated at you. Just- *deep breaths*

ANYWHO-

I take this scene as the confirmation of Ivan's romantic attachment to Patrick, and I will die on this hill. I mean, how else am I supposed to read this, huh? Because don't even get me started on the way they look at each other-

Cue Tate McRae's "Friends Don't Look At Friends That Way". Because bitch no, they really don't. Unless they're in denial, which is what Ivan is.

And, good Lord, by the end of this episode, I'll even be singing a different tune. This time: "You say we're just friends. But friends don't know the way you taste la la la."

Friends Don't Know The Way You Taste La La La

Friends Don't Know The Way You Taste La La La

*la la la's my way to the exit* 💃

credits to Netflix Italia's La storia di Patrick e Ivan in Elite 5

[strangertheories]

I'm scared byler is going to be endgame because of the interview where Finn said he's going to confess his love to El in season 4. Do you know why he would say that, unless mileven is endgame 😢 

Thanks for the ask anon (:

Ok first of all, I'm going to assume you meant you're scared Byler isn't going to be end game, considering the rest of your ask. I think it's important to remember that this is just a cast interview and their relationship is an ongoing plot point from s3 so it makes sense that they'd talk about it. It was also never mentioned that the confession was romantic, just that there'd be a scene about it. Also, this is a marketing event, so of course they're going to throw some ambiguous hints about one of, if not the, biggest ship in the fandom. Plus, and you can correct me if I'm wrong on this, but he never explicitly said it was a love confession, just that it was a confession that was going to be tackled. Finn has obviously been answering questions about Eleven and his relationship in S4 for a while as well and he's been a lot more pessimistic in other interviews and there's still more to come as well. He could very easily just be saying a pre-planned answer that's vague enough to intrigue people.

However, please don't get sad or scared about this ship. I'm glad you're passionate about the characters, but it's not worth getting upset over. This isn't hugely about your ask, but I feel as though there is a general vibe of unhappiness and stress in the Byler parts of this fandom and I just want to let everyone know that whilst Byler would be nice, don't let a ship spoil your enjoyment of the show. I made a post about this before (which is what inspired me to answer this ask), but basically the show is a lot more than just ships. I'm really tired of getting asks about if I will stop watching if Byler isn't canon or if I think the show will be ruined if Byler isn't canon. Ships should make you feel excited for the show, not ruin it. Whenever there is a vague clue that Mike is staying with Eleven this season, everyone gets super upset and pessimistic (I get the asks even if I don't reply to them all). I THINK IT SHOULD BE CANON SO PLEASE STAY HOPEFUL but on the other hand, I don't want people to get upset whenever there is a setback.

I mentioned in the last paragraph that I do get asks about this sort of thing, but I tend to avoid answering them. I'm not the most optimistic of people in general, so I always worry that I'm going to bring down the vibes or upset people. Also, sometimes I just can't be bothered to respond as there's lots of creators who will have already answered the question in a much more eloquent and optimistic way than I would've, like @hawkinsschoolcounselor, @demadogs, @kaypeace21 and many others.

I originally wasn't going to respond to this ask, but I'm taking it as an opportunity to remind everyone to stay happy and hopeful and also just to explain to any of my followers who sent me an ask why I didn't respond. Sorry this response wasn't very helpful <3 I hope you have a great day and to all my fellow Bylers out there, try not to get upset (:

[bylerisrequited]

please rant about your byler-coded taylor songs i would love to hear your takes on these if you're looking for an excuse to post about it here it is

omg okay i feel like i should do a song from each album that no one ever mentions . i have to get you all hooked.

debut - invisible. can fit s3/s4 byler from will's pov. it'd be about how will sees mike but it won't ever be shown because mike's too caught up in el and continues to ignore him all the time. basically debut byler is my fav 🫶🏻

fearless - we were happy, the best day. we were happy is another s3/s4 will's pov song. just will reminiscing on what he and mike used to be.. and how much he misses how they were before el showed up. the best day is a s2 mike's pov. imagine mike gushing about how much he loves spending time with will. that's how i imagine this song with them 😊

speak now - superman. a s2/s5 mike's pov. callback to the "superspy" scene and how mike looks up to will :) he thinks of him as a superhero (in a good way.. not like he does with el) and believes that will can save everyone. mike is will's biggest supporter after this song 🤭

red - i almost do. one of the biggest byler songs!! can be seen from both mike and will's in between s3/s4 pov, but i see it mostly as mike's. they both regret not contacting each other so they're reminiscing about what would happen if they had. one of the biggest byler songs bc of mike and his "can't stop whining about it" 🤬

1989 - i wish you would. s3/s4 will's pov, mostly s3 though! will wishing that him and mike could go back to normal, despite mike treating him horribly. he wishes that mike could come back to him again. the angst is real with 1989 byler 😓

reputation - dancing with our hands tied. mike's s4 pov!!! he wants to be with will no matter the consequences. mike want's to have the relationship he's always wanted and needed with will even if things were to ultimately get in their way. nothing can stop our boys from ending up together 🥰

lover - soon you'll get better. ultimately the saddest byler song i'm going to recommend. it's s2 mike's pov. how mike felt when will was in the hospital, how he felt when will was possessed by the mind flayer. wishing that his best friend could make it out alive and well. sorry i'm crying thinking about the concept 😭

folklore - hoax, peace. hoax is s4 will's pov!! i imagine will wishing he could let go of mike and move on even after mike mistreats him, but part of him is still attached somehow. he can't move on no matter how hard he tries. peace is s3/s4 mike's pov. mike promises to always be there for will, no matter what happens to them. he will never leave will's side. he tries his best to keep that promise and never break it. ahh folklore byler is my favorite out of them all 😞

evermore - happiness. i lied when i said that soon you'll get better is the saddest byler song i'll recommend. this is s3/s4 will's pov!!!! will wishes that he and mike could be something more but has chosen to try and move on. pretty similar to the mike monologue/will pushing mike to say ily. will wants to be with mike but knows he can't because of el. lmao i can't listen to this song without sobbing kms 🥸

[disdaidal]

So... I watched s4 vol 1.

My favorite things about this season:

Eleven + Hawkins lab + 001. Like, holy shit. We're finally getting back to that s1 mood with this stuff, and I'm just loving it. Jamie Campbell Bower? 10+.

Hopper in a Russian prison. That fight with the demogorgon? Fuck yeah.

Will and Mike moments. We getting a gay Will yes? Yes please? I know the Duffers probably won't do it, but I found Will's reaction and jealousy towards Mike so adorable and yet also kind of sad at the same time.

Dear Billy episode. Very Max-focused and got a glimpse of our boy as well. Lots of feelings from that one.

Less Karen, a little more Ted. My man Theodore never disappoints. Good for him.

Eddie & Argyle. I actually enjoyed their scenes a lot. Vol 1 was quite heavy and depressing overall, so they brought some much needed comedy & spice in it.

My least favorite things about this season:

Forced Stancy. Seriously? Gimme a bucket. Cause I'm gonna barf. Their relationship was probably like my least favorite thing about s1, and didn't s2 Nancy specifically tell Steve he's bullshit and their whole relationship is bullshit? So what is this shit? If they're gonna get engaged or married in s5, I'm not gonna watch it. No fucking way. I was feeling sick enough watching them the first couple of seasons, and that alone was torture. Give Steve the girlfriend (or boyfriend) he deserves, let Nancy sort her shit out with Jonathan, and let Steve and Nancy just be friends. Please. I'm begging you. Anything but this.

Speaking of Jonathan, he was very lacking this season. I really enjoyed his teamwork and relationship with Nancy in the previous three seasons, and he was my favorite character in s1. I don't know what's happened to him season by season, but I'm so disappointed in him. Like he's just a stoner now? Lying and thinking about dumping Nancy when he used to support her and confront her when something didn't feel right? Okay. Whatever. I'm so disappointed.

Steve was... kind of lame this season? Besides The Dive episode, I feel like he barely even stood out from the rest of the group sometimes. And he's still largely being treated like a cheap comedy relief who apparently lacks brain or something like that. Also his relationship with Dustin was... I don't know. They've always been kind of mean to each other but this season, I felt like they were on a whole new level of mean. I don't know what to think of that.

Robin was such a klutz. I mean... s3 Robin was smart, witty, sarcastic, a little bit mean sometimes. She even cracked a secret Russian code. Now this season, she was somehow just a clumsy lesbian who kept rambling nonstop and seemed just... really... kinda dumb and cringey, too, I dunno? And the way she keeps pushing the Stancy agenda this season, along with Eddie, and trying to make friends with her, though I recall her calling Nancy a priss to Steve last season. Right. Make it make sense bro.

Doctor Brenner. Nothing in this show stays dead, except Billy, Barb and Bob, apparently. What are you doing back man? How are you even back? Go away. Haven't you caused enough trouble already?

Honestly I'm really happy we got even a small glimpse of Billy in vol 1. At least he wasn't completely forgotten.

[campbenji]

✨s4 theories and wishes✨ because I woke up today thinking about it and I haven't stopped it's ruining my schedule:

-Darius. Needs. To Cry. Let. him. CRY.

-On a more serious note, Darius will probably doubt his abilities as a leader next season. Now that him and Kenji (who's pretty much been his greatest supporter since s1, if maybe not always for the right reasons) are in bad terms, he might start questioning himself and try harder to keep the rest safe, ultimately pushing himself to his limit and breaking down. He has to let the team know that he can't carry them on his shoulders all the time. He's 12, he's a child, let him live the yacht life for a minute please.

-Literally ANY info on Brooklynn's background. We don't know her last name, the only mention of her parents is iffy, and we have nothing about her life besides being an influencer. My opinion is that anything involving Brooklynn will probably start showing up this season, maybe not taking too much time until s5 (if there is which there better be)

-Also she was recently kidnapped, let her deal with that ok?

-Give her a break from third-wheeling Yasammy all the time please, girl must be on the verge of screaming "YOU BOTH LIKE EACH OTHER"

-Sammy's season was s3, but her time to shine is definitely not over. Mantah Corp is very much one of the few options on the table for villains in s4, and we could see her dealing with them again and trying to protect both her families: the one back home and the new one she found. Not to mention she's got the flashdrive, which unless they just lost it, someone probably took it away from them because Wu is still dancing around and making new dinosaurs in FK sooo what happened there?

-Showing her trauma after being poisoned. Excuse me but if they showed us how Ben is not okay after the month he spent on his own, I think it's only fair that they show us a similar plot for Sammy. Just because she's the most happy, bubbly character in the show doesn't mean she's just going to brush it off.

-Actually, remember that scene from View from the Top where Kenji asks Sammy about the hang glider scene and she goes something like "nope! I've blocked those memories from my mind!" and it sounds like a joke? Yeah well it's not a joke anymore. Sammy's going to try and block her trauma, but she's gonna be a little "off" through the season. Yaz notices and wants to help her, even though Sammy keeps reassuring her she's ok. But Yaz sticks by her side and well *"Sammy realizes she also has a crush on Yaz" sticky note comes into scene*

-Ben dealing with leaving Bumpy behind. It was kinda resolved last season but I don't think it would be reasonable to just forget her. But also DON'T MAKE IT A HUGE DEAL LET HIM BE SOMEWHAT HAPPY FOR ONE SEASON OK??

-Him having an episode to bond with each camper, like Zuko in s3 of ATLA, because he really hasn't gotten a lot of interactions with the rest (friendly interactions, not "running for their lives" ones I mean).

-This is kind of a stretch but: Yaz becoming the new leader

-LISTEN, I know it sounds weird at first, but think about it. All the other campers have issues to work through (I'm not saying she doesn't, but in matters of the season, the others will have a little more focus), and with the show starting to head towards taking the stress off Darius's shoulders, she would be the best candidate for that. The whole thing would not happen in this season only though: it'd probably start in this one and become more fleshed out in the next one. It would be a good close to her character, since she started out as an "I can do it all by myself" kind of person and she'd end up as the leader and having learnt how to rely on others. Not to mention that it would parallel The Art of Chill which was in s2, so even seasons mirroring each other. AND also allows for more Darius and Yaz bonding *does a little dance*

-OH BOY where do I even start with Kenji???

-Listen, he f*cked up. And badly. What he said to Darius has no excuse. But I think the whole situation might bring us to finally know what's going on with his familial issues, and allow him to become an even more rounded character. Kenji in s2 was amazing: we started seeing more sides of him that allowed us to become more attached. But in s3 it felt like he just??? backed down a little??? In some episodes (especially Casa de Kenji) they gave us more complexity, but in others it felt like his s1 self all over again. I really hope the whole situation with him and Darius pays up at the end and they both become better characters and their bond becomes stronger (and if it goes the other way around I stg-)

-I'd also like to have someone talk to him about those issues. In his own words (very true words I'd say), he's "the glue that keeps all campers together", but in very few situations he's ever comforted back (the only one that pops up is the end scene in Casa de Kenji where Darius assures him he's a good friend and well, they're on opposite corners now so what happens?).

-This is not a wish but a demand WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH KENJI AND THE MERMAIDS EACH SEASON IT'S GETTING CONCERNING.

-YASAMMY CANON ENDGAME JUST LET THEM SHOW THE GAY

-The pining will have no end. Sammy will probably realize her feelings this season (that is if she hasn't already and we're just too blind) and Yaz already has accepted them and The Long Run left very clear that she would do anything for her at this point so seeing them act awkwardly cute around each other and the rest acknowledging this is quite possible. Not to mention that if Mantah Corp becomes important next season it could make some drama, with Yaz becoming more involved in the flashdrive situation (I literally have an entire plot for this believe me)

-KILL THE TENSION BETWEEN BEN AND KENJI IT'S DRIVING ME INSANEEEEEEE

-I'd like to say that I don't care if the tension involves romance or not but let's be honest, if there's no hints towards canon Benji this season I will throw myself off a boat. Anyways, even without a shipping lens it makes no sense that they continue to ignore each other. No two people in the show have never interacted for longer than 4 episodes, and these two have been avoiding any interaction for the entirety of s3. Not to mention that they're a big part of each other's arcs: Kenji started dropping the Mr. VIP facade and showed more vulnerability after Ben fell (which btw, are we ever going to acknowledge his reaction or was it just for laughs?), and Ben found his way back to the campers because he found Kenji's butterknife and then saved them from Hap. They need to talk.

-BOYS DAY OUT EPISODE BOYS DAY OUT EPISODE BOYS DAY OUT EPISODE I NEED IT SO BAD PLEASE (alternatively: boys day out but it's angsty because Ben tries to lessen the tension between Darius and Kenji but the argument blows up right there)

-B DUO EPISODE I JUST KNOW THEY WOULD HAVE A "PARTNERS-IN-CRIME" DYNAMIC I JUST KNOW IT

-More of the friendships we saw in s3 like Samji and Brooklynn and Yaz

-Some outfit changes. For example, let Ben have another shirt (IT IS RAGS), Brook sweetie leave that jacket it's about 100 degrees outside, and let Kenji come across a razor please

-And the most obvious one: Bring. Back. Dave. and Roxie

[roll-da-credits]

Exhausted - Hange x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Sometimes Hange just needs reminding that they're still human, a human who needs the basic necessities, and so much love.

!WARNING!

Spoilers for S4; takes place after Zeke is brought back and before the entire wine and Nicolo smashing it onto Falco debacle.

A/n: So before I start I just want to say that, I should post more fucking Attack on Titan, it's literally on my list of fandoms I write for but there isn't a single fanfic or headcanon or scenario on my page about it, and also I hope you guys enjoy this I know it's not my normal MHA or Haikyuu posts but unless I grow this blog bigger I'm planning on putting other fandoms in here too. Also, Hange uses they/them pronouns

🖤❤️🖤

“Hange san,” Your soft voice resonated through the dark room, on your hands carried a tray with warm soup, bread, and water. Hopeful that your workaholic lover would finally rest a bit and eat.

Hange looked back to the opened door, their stressed face softening a little bit seeing you walking in. “Y/n.” Their voice hoarse and scratchy, it was quite obvious they hadn’t been drinking at all since you came in last.

You walked over to them, smiling warmly feeling slight pity for the shape they were in. They looked completely worn out and exhausted, no doubt because of the stacks and stacks of work they had to go through since becoming Commander. Giving a soft peck on their forehead after putting down the tray of food, you walked through the closed window and slowly opened it.

Fortunately, it was close to dawn, so the sunlight streaming in wasn’t completely blinding in the dark room. “Sweetheart it's too bright.” Yet Hange still complained, rubbing their sleep-deprived eyes.

You huffed, feigning annoyance, only to walk back over to Hange and envelop them in a hug. They nestled themself closer to the crook of your neck, finding comfort in the familiar smell of you. “Shouldn’t you be resting right now?”

It was late workdays like these that made you truly worried about the health of your lover. No matter how much Hange disregards their basic human needs, they’re still human in the end. They need sleep, food, water, proper hygiene, and human interactions other than meetings.

“You know, these are the times I kinda miss Moblit the most.” You chuckled, trying to make light of the entire tense atmosphere, “Cause even Eren knows no matter how much I love you, I won’t have the goddamn patience to force you to shower. I don’t know how Levi or Moblit ever did it, to be honest.”

Henge let out a soft laugh, pulling away from the hug slightly to look at your eyes. “Moblit did it with a lot of alcohol, and I don’t know how the fuck Levi did it. I’m almost certain his disgusting blend of tea has some kind of alcohol in it.” Hange remarked.

From their voice, you can hear a hint of the playfulness they had once before. Before everything happened, before the burden of the title, ‘Commander’ was laid on them.

The both of you looked into each other’s eyes for a while, it was a silent comforting moment that was so rare to be experienced by the both of you. So rare in fact, that right now you couldn’t help but relish at the feeling.

That is before you quickly remembered the warm soup you brought over for Hange, “The soup’s going to get cold, better eat it now or I’ll eat it.”

For the first time in a very long time, Hange let out a hearty laugh, one that sounds exactly like how she used to sound before they found out about every secret the world outside the walls had to offer them.

“You’re starting to sound like Sasha.” Hange paused for a moment, you figured it was them trying to find the right words without sounding insensitive, “Did you get possessed by her dead spirit or something?”

Finally, Hange took bites of the soup you brought, it was probably their first meal in the day. “I wish. Maybe that way I can bring that poor cook some sort of solace.”

Hange seems to stop for a moment.

“Do you think this war is worth it?”

The question popped out of nowhere. Even though the two of you would talk about the state of Eldia quite frequently, there was an almost silent agreement not to talk about unsettling stuff when the two of you were together. Since it was rare to see each other outside of work activities, even rarer to find time together alone where the two of you can just relax.

But you realized this question had probably been weighing on your lover’s mind for quite some time, maybe that was why they swamped themselves with work all the time. Trying to forget how shitty this world was actually.

You tried not to think much about it and answered what came into your mind.

“There’s nothing else we can do about it.”

Hange simply nodded and continued eating the soup you brought in. Their face as always slightly hardened, the spark you saw years before almost completely gone now. The spark created from finding new discoveries about the titans and the sparks created from finding out new inventions from outside the walls brought in by Yelena.

It was sad to see it all completely disappear.

“That was the best meal I’ve ever had.”

You stopped blanking out for just a second and saw that Hange finished literally everything. Not a single speck of bread or a single drop of the soup nor the water was left. You grinned, they must’ve been starving if this is what they did with some shabby soup and stale bread from yesterday.

“Love, please sleep.”

You were literally ready to beg on your knees to Hange just so they’d rest a little bit. The eye bags underneath their eyes were getting darker and their eyes looked so ready to close and immediately sleep. To the point where you feel like even blinking would make Hange fall asleep.

Hange smiled at your request.

They realized they were being really terrible to both you and themselves. By them not taking care of their body and their mental health, they were also hurting you. The last thing Hange wants to do is hurt you, so they did what seemed the most natural to them.

They made themselves comfortable at a small couch near a bookshelf and motioned you to sit beside them. Which obviously you did.

Taking a book from the bookshelf beside the sofa, Hange cuddled closer to your figure and opened the book, fully intending to read it.

“I’ll stop working and read this book whilst cuddling with you ok?”

At this point, any kind of activity that wasn’t physical and work was enough rest for Hange so you begrudgingly agreed.

You followed Hange’s rapid reading speed across the pages, and slowly noticing they were getting slower. Of course, it was still 1 page per minute but they were repeating certain paragraphs or looking back to the previous pages for context.

Not long after, Hange stopped opening the next page. You snuck a glance beside you and saw the most precious thing you’d ever see in your entire life. Hange snuggled up against you, eyes underneath their glasses peacefully closed, softly snoring.

They looked so comfortable, so comfortable that you couldn’t resist but to lean to them and drift gently to sleep as well.

Not forgetting to give a small peck on her forehead, “Good night love.”

Completely not caring that it was probably nearing 5am at this point and the both of you would probably have to be awake by noon.

You tried pushing that thought away, focusing on the fact that finally, finally, finally, your lover has been working themselves to the brink of madness. Could finally rest.

🖤❤️🖤

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Steph!!! did you read the lost special: family matters (as do relationships) by @shirleycarlton ??? I just saw it recced in your 2021 bookmarks list and ?? does that mean you've read it??

if so I'm very excited because I know for a fact I've recced it to you (even tho I may not have been the first one doing so) uhhh don't remember when. late 2019 early 2020? maybe? anyways point is, I love that fic. it is still to this day my favourite (Sherlock) fix it, and I'm very happy you've read it. care to share some of your thoughts about it?

honestly I read it like uhh two years ago now and I have definitely lost interest in sherlock since but this fic still remains in a very special place in my heart. anyway, I hope you've enjoyed it as much as me, and thank you (again) for all your recs!

(referencing this post)

Hey Nonny!

Yes! I did finally read it when it was completed, just before I did the fandom hopping. I feel TERRIBLE because when I did start reading it, it was at the start of my prolonged period of massive stress from work and life in general. At the time I hadn't taken time off work since Feb 2021 (it was July), and I was the "go-to" person for everything at work, and I was working long LONG hours and felt no reprieve, and every time I tried to take time off, something always got in the way. THEN I got stuck working everyday all for 2 months, no break. I wasn't sleeping well because of the stress, AND to top it all off, I had a cancer, heart, and diabetes scare all around the same time. Oh yeah, and I broke my foot too. So yeah, I wasn't really on my A-Game.

Let me exaggerate here before I go into the following ramble: I LOVE THE FIC. I love the writing and the meta-style approach to story-telling, and I love the fix-it aspect of the story. And the length of it is generally what I can get through in a week or two.

However, because I made the mistake of reading this fic when my brain was having a REALLY difficult time processing ANYTHING, and it started feeling like a chore to read it; NOT on ANY fault of the author AT ALL. This was 110% all my doing.

As I mention in the referenced post, I tag while I read my Johnlock fics so that I can properly file the bookmarks onto the offline lists, and I think I just really underestimated how tired and beyond stressed I was while I was reading it. It wasn't just this fic either... after I finished it, I tried reading other Johnlock fics, and I GENUINELY could not process the stories enough to understand what was going on, and started getting grumpy about tagging the fics. This has NEVER happened to me before – I didn't know stress could affect you that much – and I was actually scared that I couldn't comprehend new stories anymore. I put those aside to try to read again this year. I've since re-read the fic while I've been off and yeah, I remember why I bookmarked it.

Even those fics I did bookmark in other fandoms, it was only after like 3 readings of them, but I also don't have to recall what lists I have to put stories on when I bookmark them so it made reading other fandoms... not feel like a job, you know? I dunno.

So yeah, that's the story of how I found out stress affects my reading comprehension, LOL. UGH. Kids, set boundaries with your day jobs, and also don't get a blood test nor break your bones while you're also stressed and running on 3 hours of sleep a day LOL.

I'm super grateful that my boss was really accommodating for me taking a month off work. This whole break has re-centred my brain, I love reading and tagging again and I am now super determined to get at least 50 Johnlock fics read this year :)

In all seriousness though, please do check out the fic, if you want a fantastic and twisty-turny rewrite of S4:

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships)  by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) – Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

-----

There are two other meta-fics I want to read as well (victorianpining's and mamaorion's) but the former just finished the story so only recently has it been bumped to the top of my list, and mama's was one of the stories I mentioned above that I had to set aside temporarily. I'm hoping I can get both of those read this year :)

Thanks for telling your story, and giving me the opportunity to sort of explain why the eff I only read 18 new Johnlock fics this year LOL. I'm ashamed and embarrassed about my brain, oof.

It's always magical when you leave a fandom and you still have that ONE fic that always sticks with you! I've a few of those myself, hahah. I'm so glad that this was one of them for you :)

[sneaky-salty-bitch]

Hi!!! So you definitely did the 13th stuff justice, and you wrote it so well! I know a lot of fics bring it up, and I loved how you made it about Ted and then about Rebecca. It wasn't, like you said, then trying to one up one another. They just let the other have their time.

This chapter was so soft, I loved it! I'm so excited for some angst though. That's why I love fics, cause you're obviously getting them together in the end so who cares about the hurt on the way. In an actual show, the hurt can have no payoff if they don't get together😂

Ah!! i'm so glad! My fear! my fear!!! but yeah, i've read fics too where they both open up at the same time and it just... it doesn’t feel right to me. I don't know how to explain it. And so it didn’t feel right to do that in my own fic and it was really fucking hard to figure out how to make it flow, or even if Rebecca would end up bringing it up at all, but i got there and phew! - Also! Please don't hate me whoever is reading this if you have wrote a fic like this because that didn't mean I hated it or thought you made the wrong move!!

Yeahhhhh there is like... 500 words left of fluff and then just... pain. I'm so sorry. But also I'm not bwahhaha. Here have this gif I made earlier to express some of my feelings about it 😂😂😂

As for in an actual show it's a bit scary because you don't know if it will pay off! Like I still love it most times - think johnlock. fucking moftiss. Actually bad example. s4 doesn't exist. The show was cancelled. They were canon. - but like. It's not the same if it doesn’t happen. The only time I'm like okay reading a fic that is just pain and no get together is if it's because one of the characters has died so you know you can't get together at that point. but yeah. Don't worry, don't worry. I wouldn't keep them apart forever.

And for those curious - as always. 😎

[beautifulterriblequeen]

Trickster: an Ethari theory

I've had yea many Ethari headcanons, and I hope I live to have yea many more. Most of them are probably wrong, or incomplete at best. But boy are they fun.

I love to wonder what Ethari will really be like in canon when we get to know him for more than 3 minutes, but whoever he really is on his own, he will have an effect on Runaan , Rayla, and everyone who loves him, because they love him.

The first headcanon I can remember having for "Tinker" was that he could be like Leonardo da Vinci: a genius, creative, surrounded by beautiful ideas given shape by his hands, but also capable of creating deadly weapons, enchantments, and devices with equal beauty, and perhaps not really seeing where the line between them was. It was fun, but Ethari has ended up far softer than my headcanon, and I love and support him in his softness!

After a nice string of Ethari headcanons, this year I've started poking at the Trickster archetype and seeing if it applies to him. And I think it absolutely does!

Tricksters often seem like Chaos. But they're not. They're just Difference. "Chaos" is subjective. Like the "divergent" in "neurodivergent." Who says? Divergent from what, exactly? Perspective matters, and Tricksters have a very broad take on things which allows them to think outside any box people might try to invite them into.

My enjoyment of Loki has brought all kinds of ideas to my dash with the arrival of the Loki show. I've got a copy of the Edda, and I highlighted the hell out of it a couple of years ago as I searched for the roots of Loki's origin story. (It's truly fascinating reading and the symbolic language hidden inside their poetry is dazzlingly amazing and I'm super using it sometime just so you know)

Loki is a Trickster, and he's far from alone in myth and legend. Anansi, Coyote, and Sun Wukong are some you may have heard of. Aaravos is another, of course. Tricksters can be called upon to lend aid and wisdom when the rules don't have an answer for some extraordinary circumstance which the Trickster's people find themselves in. But that's not because they are truly outside the rule of order. They are actually a part of it. They are the catch-all for when the everyday ordinary rules fail people, and something "unthinkable"--in the literal sense--might just hold the answer.

This post crossed my dash today, and something finally clicked in my head, and all of this coalesced from what felt like separate places. But they're not separate, not anymore! Serotonin, baby. It's basically upped my headcanon to a full-blown theory.

What caught my eye was an answer to why Ethari's clothing is so determinedly asymmetrical, compared to Runaan's specifically, but Moonshadows in general. It's because of this:

Long protective sleeves below patterns on shoulders. A high collar paired with a bright and noticeable swoop around the neck. Fine detailing and graceful taste. Asymmetrical tunic point on the left, below broad strappy leather. Knee high boots with stylish protective gaiters.

And let's not forget the curling horns! In some comics, Loki has a broken horn. So does Ethari.

Yes, there is a lot of similarity here, but I'm not focused so much on the visuals as the reason they were chosen. Feel free to consider other aspects of Ethari's personality and how they might be similar to certain parts of Loki's. I did! But I wouldn't be me if I didn't go deeper than that.

My favorite book in the universe (so far) is Lois McMaster Bujold's The Curse of Chalion, and one of the many reasons why is because of her pantheon. It holds five gods, represented by a hand: Father, Mother, Son, Daughter, and Bastard. The first four all have their roles and places. The Bastard--the thumb--inherits everything else. He is the god of all things that do not belong to any other gods, and that includes self-sacrificing vengeance and queerness. He is a Trickster, and his influence on Cazaril's life is far deeper than at first glance. Chaos has its place. It belongs, and so do the Tricksters who engender it. God, I love this book. Please read it if you haven't. Bujold's work is amazing.

If you've seen or read any version of MDZS/Untamed, you know that Wei WuXian is a trickster. Competent and badass in battle, but playful and teasing to the point where sometimes even he isn't sure what he truly wants, he can bring a massive amount of power and focus when he wants to. It's always a matter of "but is it important to me?"

I love WWX so much. The Trickster vibe is very apparent in his character, and in a way you just don't get in Western media. We see him on his own, and we see him with family and loved ones. And he's always feeling something so intensely! He's driven by his emotions, for good or ill. He vibes with chaos, and he will create it if it doesn't exist yet. But he will also create family from nothing, and that's something you don't see enough of! WWX is a Trickster with an emotional preference for joy.

In TDP, Ethari doesn't have a lot of lore yet. It's being Moonshadowed because spoilers for future seasons, and I respect that. The longer the wait for S4, the more ideas I will just amuse myself with in the meantime--and yeah, this is one of them, so what? :))) But we do know a little about him.

He loves music. He loves to read. He leaves his mark on things in swirly form. He works very hard, even through headaches, because what he's doing is that important to him, even though he would much rather be making jewelry. He loves taking the time to polish rough stones into brilliant jewels, and he adores big pretty flowers and had them at his wedding.

Ethari has a temper, but he also loves puns. The weapons he crafts are exquisite: "light, elegant, strong, and clever." And he knew darn well that Runaan was trying to flirt with him, but why return a sentiment he may or may not feel yet when he can play with the overly earnest assassin just a little bit first?

Okay, just... A "simple craftsman" deciding that it's going to be fun to toy for a bit with a broody assassin's feelings? Would you risk that? Ethari got balls the size of the moon, and a brain to match. When he has to make weaponry, he does not half-ass it. Ethari's stabby creations nearly have a life of their own. His creations are literally called "trick weapons." This elf is a lot, okay. And it's possible that he doesn't even know how "a lot" he is. Yet.

We're meeting Ethari after he's found something that is, in fact, genuinely important to him: Runaan, and Rayla, and Laindrin too. Ethari has found a relatively stable place to settle and find a role to adopt. I say adopt, though, because making weaponry for his loved ones is not what he grew up wanting to do. It's what he had to do to keep them safe, once he found a place to bestow his heart.

But in the show, Ethari has lost his family, one by one. First Lain and Tiadrin, ghosted. Then Runaan, supposedly fallen on his mission. Then Rayla, ghosted for abandoning Runaan. He and Rayla have reconnected now, but the rest of his family is still out of his reach. If Rayla has indeed told him, by S4, what she learned at the Moonhenge in TTM, then Ethari may parallel Rayla's journey to seek answers. But even if he doesn't know yet, and gets pulled into some other story arc first, we will be seeing Ethari without his family.

Remember the ATLA episode "Zuko Alone"? Consider: "Ethari Alone."

Ethari has chosen, for love, to fit himself into a box that wasn't of his own making. And now that box has broken. His family doesn't need him to be their craftsman anymore. Perhaps others will need him to be other things to them. Or perhaps he will know that his family does need him, but to be far more than just a maker of pretty swords. A rescuer, perhaps. A healer, a guide? An avenger?

A trickster. Capable of taking many shapes, because he understands them all. Ethari works with form and function. If he needs to transform himself, he will.

That's what Tricksters do. It's delightfully queer and delightfully neurodivergent. Ancient peoples accepted and revered the different among them and actively sought their help with things they themselves struggled with.

Tricksters are Difference. Sometimes that manifests as chaos, sometimes as genius. But if you do not love and appreciate your chaos, it will absolutely turn on you. Wei Wuxian did. Loki certainly has, many times. Perhaps Aaravos is doing so as well.

I cannot wait to see what Ethari does with his difference. I have something very specific that I hope he goes and breaks.

All this from a picture of Tom Hiddleston in his Avengers 1 Loki costume? Yeah. Because Ethari was designed to wear asymmetrical clothing, in a Moonshadow culture that prides itself on balance. Sure, there are some other Moonshadows who wear this or that asymmetrical item, and I do love to see it. But Ethari has the most asymmetrical lines of them all. The meta glee I feel knowing that Moonshadow elves are designed to hold many layers of meaning in their appearances--that the writers, creators, and character designers just flexed with them--is truly a delight.

Ethari is asymmetrical. The full and practical application of that is a glass casket, and I hope it becomes a gift that keeps on giving, because boy do I want to keep receiving it. But right now, I'm genuinely seeing evidence of the Trickster archetype in him. And I really hope it gets to come out and play.

[magnetarmadda]

Actually I'm gonna cheat and ask 2 things because HADESTOWN INSPIRED??? YES PLEASE! My sister and I went to see Hadestown when the tour came to our city and 🥰🥰 all the songs have BIG fic energy and im excited to see what you do with them

I am writing a big ol' fic, with each song in the musical getting its own chapter (that's 31 chapters lol). I've gone back and forth a lot on who all the characters are, but I've decided to go with Orpheus!Martin and Eurydice!Jon. I called it a TMA-Hadestown fusion because I'm world building from both stories. For example, here's some details from my outline:

Underworld: Beholding (but still under the ground) and a kind of Fear-domain-based Hell

Jon is hungry for knowledge, for answers about what happened to him

Touched by Annabelle, Goddess of Webs, as a child, never understood why, seeking answers for how he can save himself

Afraid to love/form attachments, afraid someone else'll be hurt

Falls in love with Martin despite himself (All I've Ever Known)

Martin's hope is what's powerful in this fic, and it's his hope and love for Jon that starts the revolution

Nothing Changes and If It's True are a speedrun of s4 for Martin

Wait For Me (Reprise) a speedrun of sorts of s5, where they're walking through Fear domains to escape to the surface

Martin's self-doubt is what causes him to turn around (Doubt Comes In), very MAG 199/200 vibes

Road to Hell (Reprise) setting up a Somewhere Else type deal

The story starts over again, and maybe they'll succeed this time

Hades: Jonah Magnus, God of Knowing, King of the Underworld

Persephone: Barnabas Bennett, God of Immortality, Consort of the Underworld

Lean into "underworld" side of Persephone and her association with immortality

Nestis alignment as well, associated with the element of water, "moistening mortal springs with tears", her sorrow/tears giving water to the mortals on earth and fueling the life cycle

There are other pieces I've not figured out yet, like who the Fates are going to be. I've considered Gertrude, Agnes, Manuela, Jude Perry, Nikola, and even Sasha, and I think I'm just going to have to start writing those parts and see who fits best

I'm also telling it more like a Story™ told by a Narrator™, so the chapters would all start with stuff like: "Dear Readers, Martin was a poor boy, but he has a gift to give. He could make you see how the world could be, in spite of how it is. But Jon was a young boy who'd seen how the world really was. When he falls in love with Martin, he falls in spite of himself."

Here's a snippet from the middle of the fic, which is where I've done the most work so far

Jon has almost never had anyone to depend upon, has almost always been seeking answers on his own, fending for himself in a world that doesn't want him. When he looks at Martin, though, he sees sunlight, he feels warmth, he hears peace, and he knows love.

And so, despite everything he's ever known, Jon reaches out to Martin, hand stretching to hand, letting his new sun infuse him with hope that the world can be better, that life can have meaning beyond fueling his desire to know.

Looking up into Martin's soft face, Jon feels his knees tremble at the kindness etched into the curve of his mouth. "Martin," he whispers as he takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. He takes a deep breath and leans into the touch as Martin slides a hand to cup his cheek. He closes his eyes, and it's like the world around him is singing.

"I've always been alone," Jon finds himself saying, staring up into the gentlest eyes he's ever seen. "I've always had to rely upon myself. I've never felt anyone else truly understood what happened to me, why I need to know why I was marked by the gods and left alive. I've never wanted anything more than answers, than to learn what it all means."

Jon sets his palm against the back of the hand on his cheek and rests the other on Martin's shoulder. "But I think I want to know more than that. With you, I think it might be possible to find a life outside of seeking."

And Martin gives him a smile that could set the world alight. "The moment I saw you, it was like I was coming home," he says, his voice honey-soft and smooth. "I feel like I've always known you were out there, but I just hadn't met you yet."

"Can it always be like this?" Jon asks, not believing in the possibility of his own happiness. Any attempt before has brought him to this moment, alone and afraid.

"No," Martin admits, still smiling, "but we can do our best."