#i'm dying on the inside because of this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yeisiko · 6 months

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Generational trauma ♡

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creekfiend · 5 months

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I think the very worst thing about being this sick and in being this much pain is just the bone deep exhaustion I feel

I want to connect with the world and it's like trying to touch the sky when you're lying at the bottom of a well. I can reach my arm all the way up as long as it will go and I can't touch anything I'm too far down and I can barely even see it from where I am and there's no way I can reach it at all

#and I'm so tired I'm so so tired I can barely feel the anger and the terror I'm so angry and I'm so scared and I'm so tired of being #like this #I want it to be a different way I want to be a whole person #and I don't even have the wherewithal to feel that I can feel it but I can't feel it all the way because I can't feel anything #I can't feel anything all the way there's something wrong with me there's something inside me that's just wrong #sick #i feel like maybe i am dying.

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ministarfruit · 1 year

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for tempustober2023 day 3: red riding hood

#tempustober2023 #vtuber #holostars #holotempus #regis altare #wake me up (wake me up inside)#simple one today because I spent all day playing stardew with my bro #and I'm valid for that I think #also bro. on the off chance you see this. OUR CROPS ARE DYING #COME BACK #OUR MELONS ARE IN PERIL #btw I thought I was so cool doing altare for this prompt. I'm so lame #AND WHAT OF IT #I'M CRINGE AND FREE

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lichanicksstuff · 8 months

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No because Satoru didn't just loved Suguru, he loved him. Imagine being spoiled your whole life, to the point you don't know what living is. You always got what you wanted, because all your life everybody was scared of you. And then you meet a person who's your equal, and who unwittingly show's you what life really is about. You find friends, you get in trouble, you make mistakes, for the first time you feel alive. It's the spring of your youth, all thanks to this one partiparticular person. And then it all disappears in purple flames you created, because you couldn't bare to ask them to stay.

#satosugu #gojo satoru #geto suguru #it's 1am and I'm dying inside because of these two #jujustu kaisen #jjk fandom #jjk #jjk gojo #jjk geto #jjk satosugu #english isn't my first language #pls help

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pardonmydelays · 3 months

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lin-manuel miranda via instagram stories ✨️

#and i do feel obligated to post this #because i've been waiting for him to say literally anything about three houses and here we are #i'm dying inside #it's nothing personal but i'm literally not well rn #lin manuel miranda #lmm #dave malloy #three houses #boy you got me helpless*

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dollsome-does-tumblr · 5 months

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should i quit working and become a "writer"

#aka someone who technically says they're a writer but just stays home chillin'#and maybe also i would finally have the energy to write more books and fulfill my life's dream!#(my partner got a new job and like. technically i could. i won't. because it's a horrible idea. but also i'm dying inside from stress #and it's so tempting!)#dollsome's deep thoughts #imagine it. me. a gold-digging lazybones!!!!#*chef's kiss*

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tiredsurvivoronmain · 8 months

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If I cannot live in a world without you, I will become you

#went out for a walk and randomly thought of it #now i'm dying inside #villain chris is a juicy concept #makes me think of that gay asian drama when one of the characters dies and the one that was in love him with starts acting like him #because of how grief stricken he was #even deliberately inflicting the exact same physical injuries and scars on himself his lover had and experienced just to be close to him #imagining Chris doing the same thing or something similar...#chrisker #chris redfield #wesker

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jadegr8 · 3 months

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ah yes, spending weeks over weeks fixing my sleeping schedule and then on the day i actually wake up and don't feel like i'm about to die some random depression hits and i'm crying into my shitty game of microsoft solitaire at 1am while listening to the most random playlist at hand

#i'm dying inside but so far nobody's noticed so just keep masking 🙂#honestly i can't do this anymore #stuff #god i'm the most egocentric bitch out here i have plans with a friend tomorrow and yet i'm whining because i spent months on a project #and didn't get the appreciation i think i deserve even though it was clear up front that nobody would care #at this point it could all go to hell for all i care and honestly there are people i really wish would just die #but it's probably my fault again that it's falling apart i should've done like everyone else being numb to everything except my own little #world and secretly building up the hate while smiling into their faces

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lunarharp · 10 months

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qifrey's birthday and silly stuff

#witch hat tag #orufrey #excerpt is from my 30k failing eye fic (link in pinned) which has a birthday scene. i revisited and edited it again and it is now 30k :)#kerplunk thing is because of a mysterious game that shirahama has drawn orufrey playing before and to me it looks like Kerplunk.#a kids' game from this 'Real World' which we live in. card game is Cheat from neopets. but it's a real game. i want to play it for real....#you lie and cheat in it..hence the name..and 'branston the eyrie you are a bold one' classic neopets tumblr post...no....ok then.....#'hey qif i know we're obsessed with witches' kerplunk but we used to play cheat all the time what happened to that??'#'oh. i just..don't like lying to you. i don't like how it feels.' 'oh haha i guess that's a good thing. ok let's play kerplunk instead ^_^'#'mm. *dying inside crying in the rain in my soul*'#i dislike trying to illustrate my writing. i resent myself for having described oru's captivating mysterious smile so perfectly #i can't draw that. i know what it looks like perfectly in my mind and i am right there on that roof but i can't draw it satisfyingly enough #writing comes from a different part of my brain. there's different things in there. i'm glad i wrote out some of what i can't draw.#then there are things that i don't write or draw but which are still a crucial ongoing facet of my orufrey mindscape.#the Written orufrey the Drawn orufrey and the Unspoken orufrey... three faces of a beautiful irreplaceable jewel in my heart...#could a depressed person do THAT.

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veone · 8 months

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▪️if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.

#i'm finnally happy with this specific era of baby nick i think he may have started t already maybe been on for a couple of months he's havin #fun with acne again he is dying inside but happy #he's like 19 here and still lives at home he's in school trying to do something #stefans dragging him to the autoshop with him to work and he's slowly coming to the conclusion he hates this #he liked it better when he was younger and was just goofing around with his dad but now he gotta work like what #plus he gotta hide that he smokes sdfghjk #he's been smoking since he was 14 he wanted a deeper voice okay!#stefan is aware and his just disappointed like child no #on the note of t! its lowkey filling stefan with so much joy cause nick looks so much like him he's proud for some weird reason like look a #mini me. all of his work freinds are geeked for em and its an adjustment because they new him so long but they poke fun at him and treat em #the rookie he is #on the record though nicks great with cars just its boring #Spotify #ts4 #simblr #sims 4 #nicolas ishida #my sims

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gen-is-gone · 2 months

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hrgh every time I think I've come close to forgiving lance fucking parkin I skim the gallifrey chronicles. and then I remember the Horrors.

#listen bc when I read through and play around with AHistory I'm inclined to enjoy and respect his work as a curatative fan historian #but his actual prose writing #it. it beggars belief it truly does it's just atrocious #megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace #everyone in the EDA discord who thinks father time is the worst of it oh boy babes the worst is absolutely yet to come #like I get *why* they gave him the last book of the line because he does (mostly) know his lore extremely well #so it kind of makes sense that he'd be picked to wrap up all the myriad loose ends #and also he's well liked and afaik pretty personable unlike some fuckers I could name and didn't spend years burning bridges #but oh my god oh my god literally everything to do with Fitz and Trix is just. awful. terrible.#guy who absolutely does not understand or respect any of the three of that team TARDIS but especially Fitz #also The Thing With Sam #never happened fuck you lance #also given just how many asspats he gives himself over his command of the lore he fucking got Sam's middle name wrong?!#also it's soooo obvious how much he loves Anji because she's a Capitalist GirlbossTM #he really does not grasp her character development or personal arcs but he thinks he's killing it #like she *is* a Capitalist GirlbossTM but that's not all she is but he's not actually interested in her interiority at all #he just enjoys that she's a fiscal conservative #god the fact that trading futures is the literal very next book after Anachrophobia #one of the best books in the series that explicitly calls out Anji's pro-capitalism stance using time-war-for-profit played for utter horro #immediately followed by...almost the exact same premise but Zany RompTM #it's not that capitalists misusing time travel for profit is inherently bad it's just *these guys* who suck #no lesson is learned! then you fucking get to the fucking gallifrey chronicles and Fitz actually deciding that this very same scheme #'wasn't perhaps unethical' just because it's Trix and Anji doing it #like yeah sure Anji and Trix can have a little insider trading. as a treat. but that is literally the definition of unethical lol #the only reason time traveling to acquire stock tips isn't massively illegal is because it's not fucking real like??#of-fucking-course it's unethical you walnut #parkin you smug annoying self-obsessed lore-obsessed pregnancy-obsessed just barely-plausibly deniably not homophobic asshole #I'm avoiding even bringing up the actual beef with TGC because first of all everyone fucking knows but also it's just.#it's such a goddamn shit awful trainwreck #if parkin wasn't a Fitz-hating homophobic coward he would've ended the gallifrey chronicles the same way he ended the dying days. wink.

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steakout-05 · 10 months

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oh my poor sick little man..... he has a bad fever :(

i've always had a soft spot for sickfics and i like seeing strong characters get taken care of by the ones who love them most :) craig is making him chicken noodle soup in the kitchen, barry's favourite meal to have whenever he's not feeling well.

bonus: earlier version with ripped sleeves

i liked the thought of him being all snug in the only piece of clothing he hasn't ripped so i drew the sleeves of his jammies because it was cuter :)

#barry steakfries #jetpack joyride #why does tumblr always compress my drawings grrrgrr #he is sikc :(#i feel like if barry got sick he'd be the type of guy to be like ''what! i'm not sick no waayyy haha''#and then die of a coughing fit immediately after #he'd be very grumpy about not being able to go jetpacking and having to stay at home all day #he'd be like ''what happened to watching cartoons when i was home sick!? this is so BORING''#and craig would be like ''there there its ok you'll live. go to bed barry''#also i love how barry canonically has homely cute flower blankets on his bed #i like to think he's kinda embarrassed by them because he always calls his home his 'secret hideout'#and always talks about how cool it is and whatnot and then you walk inside and it's just. comfy.#only craig knows about the cosier bits of his home he's too prideful to tell anyone else #craig thinks it's nice :)#wait tumblr fucking deleted the other tags i wrote goddamnit #barry would be like ''i'm not THAT sick! i don't need to be pampered! i'm a man i can do it!''#and then when craig drags him home he's like ''ehh... i'm dying craig..... craig tuck me in.....''#he's stubborn but he's a big softie :)#i like to think he doesn't like to ask for help because he feels like it's weak #but at the same time he knows he really needs help because he feels really sick #he may complain a lot and act all fussy but he doesn't resist to craig taking care of him #cause he knows he's gotta let his guard down every once in a while + he's too tired to do it #he's too proud to admit it but he likes being taken care of by craig every now and then :)#ahh how i love stubborn characters who just wanna be held...

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sherlock-is-ace · 5 months

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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment #wow #i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying #if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time #and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted #so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself #because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to #go in myself either way was way worse to me #because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to #''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever #and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in #and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed #although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous #but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this #that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...

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lichanicksstuff · 7 months

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It's them.

#satosugu #jjk satosugu #satosugu brainrot #it's 1am and i'm dying inside because of these two #gojo satoru #gojo x geto #jjk gojo #jjk geto #jujustu kaisen #jjk #geto suguru #screaming crying throwing up

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lesbiansforboromir · 1 year

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oh OH hO spicey ohhh having a spicey little tantrum about the boromir tag don't listen to me at all do NOT listen I mean it I mean it this is so petty

#text post #Gonna go ffffucking crazy- people have to bend so far over backwards to make Boromir bad that they just full out ignore his entire characte #and bend even further over backwards to make the elves all better than him too like jesus christ #oh is it BOROMIR who would be bitter about dying in the defense of Rohan??? whose despair is just so self serving and requires legolas to #slap him out of it yes uhuh that seems reasonable seems like BOROMIR would just hate the idea of dying for allies he so clearly loved #when in the full actual canonical scene of his death he dies for two random guys he met five months ago and all he has to say about it is #he failed he is sorry he has paid #BOROMIR definitely doesn't deal well with his own looming death and would definitely snap at other people about it ignoring all the decades #he has been under the looming shadow of death and has been known as not-grim and loved by many and has done his duty almost like #that is literally all his life has been up until this point #and of course of course it's ARAGORN who he's supposed to be fighting for because he's SOO impactful on Boromir's psyche he meant so much t #him apparently ggrsfsfgrrffffggfrgr #everyone wants to hit boromir oh yeah he's so annoying his hopelessness is such a burden and everyone else has to deal with him #if ANY of you go looking for what I'm talking about and do anything about it I'll slaughter you myself these are such inside thoughts the #comic is good #I shouldn't even be angry it's the natural conclusion from a story that tells you Boromir is bad but does not spell out that it's because h #isn't 'faithful' to god #they just tell you he is 'too despairing' and he 'desires power' and he 'doesn't have hope' (hope being a proxy for faith and Boromir not #believing in Aragorn means he doesn't believe in Eru's chosen leaders and his 'grand plan')#despair being a sin because it means you are selfishly giving into your own desires for a good life for you and the people you love #rather than accepting that all is God's plan and this life is only meaningful if you are defending Eru's right to the throne of the world #But that isn't spelled out so for despair to be treated as evil in the story people apply a secular understanding of 'bad despair'#already a TERRIBLE idea btw genuinely awful to percieve hopelessness as a personal moral failing #I suppose thats it actually the major reason it gets to me cus hopelessness and despair is a base aspect of my existence like #I am in despair pretty much constantly and I know a lot of other disabled people with similar sentiments #and the urging from people to 'have hope' is at this point sickening and infuriating and maddening to me it is disconnected from my reality #WHICH is demonstrably why I care about Boromir and Denethor so much no one meets them where they are no one sits in their reality with them #they are deeply relatable in their dealing with dispair namely; they just live and accomplish and strive along with their sarcasm and #black humour through their dark grueling lives and do what duty demands and try to hold onto their crumbling family relationships #and then they each have uniquely cathartic ends to those lives

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gvtz-xd · 8 months

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AFAB? AMAB? No, no! You must have heard me wrong. I said I'm AHBHSCQ (assigned healer by Homestuck classpect quiz)

#bram scratches at your door #Homestuck #i've done the homestuck.net one a three times over the past few years and got Sylph all three times #i think i got the aspects of Doom/Heart the first two times and today I've gotten Space #I'm dying inside because I love healer classes #homestuck classpect

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