#i'm gonna go to sleep now and hug myself i guess lmao

[the1975attheirverybest]

your blog has solid reach and I am piss poor and have no money to get a definitive ADHD diagnosis. The internet is making me believe might want to check it but if any of your followers can contribute this is what I do:

I will bite and pick at the skin around my nails constantly. My nail beds are atrocious, but also delicious.

I will also pick at any loose skin on my arms/legs

I will twirl my hair.

I am currently biting the inside of my lip (the outsides of my lips are irritated because Ive been chewing on them constantly)

I typically will bite my hand when I am working on something and need focus.

I have given myself a bruise, or a hickey like bruise on my chin from pinching it so hard while working on something. It looks like I fell

I will pick at my scalp, disgusting I know

then theres all the rest of shit the internet tells you, like hyperfixating in a song or a tv show or not being able to fall asleep, or sounds...

I just need someone to tell me I'm not the only one struggling because if I speak about it irl I am told that I have no isses and like to stop biting my nails hands etc

I just need idk someone to either tell me nah we all do this you aren't special oooorrrr not everyone does this but it's ok we get it (it might not be anything outside of ordinary but idk)

I have a bruise between my thumb and ither finger because I bite my hand. Not many people I know have that

🚨PLEASE READ IF YOU ARE. PSYCHIATRIST, PSYCH NURSE, THERAPIST, OR A STUDENT ON THE WAY TO BECOMING ANY OF THESE THINGS🚨

If anyone with professional knowledge can weigh in on this, I would SO appreciate it. Let’s help anon out, please 🩷

As for my own response, let me say a few things:

Firstly, I wish I could give you a hug. Alas we are gonna have to use emojis 🫂🫂🫂🫂

Second, I have been formally diagnosed with ADHD and I do most of these things if not all of them. Especially the skin of my fingers thing. I would show you my thumbs right now it weren’t kinda weird and gross to put that out there lmao.

HOWEVER, I’m not qualified to diagnose you, and, my guess is, these symptoms of behaviors could be indicative of other causes. Maybe like really high anxiety or something else. I’m not N expert so I’m not going to do you a disservice by incorrectly diagnosing you.

My therapist usually distinguishes between “weird little quirks” and actual symptoms by asking “does it interfere with your day to day life?” Like the hyper-fixating and the not sleeping and all those things. Do they get in the way of you functioning? If you think “yes” then maybe yeah you need a professional diagnosis.

I can’t weigh in on whether or not it’s normal because I’m not normal, lmao. But I can say that I understand 100%. I do that stuff too. And what I can do is ask where you live (only if you’re comfortable sharing) cuz maybe someone on here could be able to help connect you with a professional who’s understanding of your financial situation? Or like maybe someone knows about resources in your area?

If you’re a student, maybe ask your health center for a referral. Usually they’re good about payments for students.

Sending you all my love and support 💗💗 it’s hard dealing with this stuff. Especially with no support whatsoever. Be kind to yourself please.

ANONS COME ON SOMEONE OUT THERE MUST KNOW SOME WAY TO HELP???

[pixyys]

At this point, I'm just used to your jokes now. Still doesn't mean that I cringe whenever I hear them /j

Indeed, I suppose I could become novice musicians along with Lippmann. Do you want to join us? It might even be cheap because of a two-in-one deal. I'll keep on learning the piano while you two can learn the violin. Maybe learn some musician pickup lines to impress Lippmann later on.

And for the Chopin? I thought about it again, but I think that it isn't considered sacrilegious. It still sounds nice afterall, and I'm pretty sure Chopin wouldn't mind. But I prefer the piano version as it sounds more clear.

Please don't give your jokes to Lippmann or anybody else. I can put up with it as I'm your brother, but other people will simply die of the cringiness of your corny jokes lmaoo /j. And afterwards I'll actually decapacitate myself because of the amount of terrible jokes I've had to hear. Pianoman don't you dare xD

An old couple, you say? Well, I don't know how to feel about that; we aren't even together. I convinced Silver to finally take a nap, but she just couldn't sleep. So in the end I had to literally hug her and stroke her hair to help her fall asleep... my heart has never pounded so quickly and loudly before.

Oh, my dear sister, how you make me laugh. I just wonder how you haven't thought up of such an easy reply, but I guess I am a genius. And do not worry, your secret is safe with me, because I definitely do not want to be strangled by those wires while being bombarded with your corny jokes.

Really? Is that what you know him for? Well, that Dazai definitely is cunning and mischievous. I'd have you know that he went head-to-head with Iceman, and Iceman even failed to assassinate him, so he isn't a 'poor guy'. And please don't try your jokes on him. He'd quite frankly punch you.

-🎹

P.S. At least you think so? Well, pray tell, what happens in those 'romance novels' that you read? And as for the date? I think it's still too early... however I think I know what Silver feels for me

ahh this is exactly why i love you <3 finee, i'll tone it down with the "cringy" jokes, at least in your presence.

see? i was right when i said you should change your name to "genius man." do you need to ask? i'm definitely down for it. finally, i'll get another chance. this time with the musician pickup lines. there's really no going back if i mess up again. i just hope i won't embarrass myself in either that or my violin learning process. thanks, genius man!

hm. by the way, do you think lippmann is "lippmann" because he has pretty-looking lips? /lmaoooo plss im cryinf asdfjkl anyway-

ooh, i'm glad it isn't some form of artistic sacrilege. i sometimes listen to orchestra performances, but you're right. having a single musical instrument-say, a piano- dedicated to a single piece will make the performance much clearer.

ha! bet! maybe i'll start saying it to someone i probably won't meet again. like the barista i buy my morning coffee from! or the newspaper guy, or the old lady walking her dog down the street-okay that may be a bit too cruel. i'll probably still say one or two things to the men you stationed near our house though. to alleviate their stress and tension for a bit./lmao the saga continues

you.. you what?? brother, you don't even hold me and stroke my hair to sleep when we were toddlers. i think i'm missing something. oooh boy, when's the wedding day? i can't wait to be an aunt. i wonder if it's gonna be a boy? or a girl? or twins! everyone should be invited. we'll have the grandest celebration ever.

aww this is why i love youu (2nd edition). seriously though. err, does this 'nakahara chuuya' has bright orange hair and uh, quite petite in stature? i bumped into him when i was on my way to see you, and he looked quite.. severe. my tongue just acted on its own, and that "axolotl joke" came out. he did give me a nasty sting eye, but i didn't get punched! i guess that's a good thing..? ahaha..

p.s. you know of her feelings?? excellent. this is all according to plan. i'm just a little worried a possible misunderstanding might breach you apart, though. you know, what if she thinks you're feeling attraction to someone else after you asked her about that "crush"? that sounds like a recipe for disaster.

[oh-so-cuppycake]

Questionable Music: Nobbies ver.

Hereby written a list of music that apparently was quite questionable if it were to be played in 1815. Present to you, Questionable Music: Nobbies ver.

1. Kak Atan (@Maaeda) If you look at him, he appears as a funny, witty guy who's loud at parties. But little did we know, his taste in music is total opposite. Our humorous guy like a calm type of music with deep lyrics, like this one:

2. Kak Heenan (@Hzeeseung) Who's gonna know that this Penguasa Bumi likes to hear old-retro and nostalgic music that maybe everyone from various age group in this country (OOCLY) is familiar with? Well, no one's gonna know if I'm not spilling the tea.

3. Kak Acha (@Yirezn) So, I think many of you must feel impatient to know what kind of song this pretty lady like. Well, she told me she likes this song, which she said she liked it because it's sounds so fresh and giving summer! The song she choose, I think is very pop, and bubblegum! It makes me thinking that she might be is actually a bubbly person! Though many of you probably thought she is not {like me in the past, oek}. Here we go, her favorite song:

4. Kak Ashley (@zhaoroosy) Oh, this one, our pretty lady choose a song that I myself would cry myself to sleep if I hear it with vulnerable emotions. She said this song gives off a feeling of reminiscing the good old happy days, and how her life can be truly beautiful because of her loved ones, so it's suitable to play on her birthday. Guess who agree with her? Me! Now, let's listen to this song together. Long Live, BritonSociety!

“Long live the walls we crashed through. I had the time of my life with you. Long, long live, How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you. I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made", ... One day, we will be remembered.”

5. Adek Gapi (@ahyneo) The bubbliest person is sometimes the one we need to comfort the most. Dek Gapi with her choosen song that she said to bring her comfort during tough times and remind her to take a breath and get some rest. Well, me myself tearing up while listening to her choosen songs. Dek Gapi, I hope this songs will always comfort you, but I also hope that you will always surrounded by happiness only that you no longer need these songs.

6. Kak Nami (@yunia) You might say she is the loudest person in the room, but she also have her troubled times in which she listen to this song that she said could make her look forward to live another day, giving her a big pat-pat in the back, and be positive to whatever challenge in front of her! A bright, positive, energetic song with melancholic hints in it.

7. Kak Marcel (@SUNWOOKAM) I never thought he would choose this song. I don't know, it's just doesn't match his vibe at the first glance. He is an emo, guys, apparently. Lol, kidding. I like this song too {I like emo song lmao}, though I'm not that frequently listen to it. Also, Kak Helena gonna nod her head agreeing to his taste. I just know. Here we go, My Chemical Romance:

8. Kak Riel (@Yejicate) Finally, all those emotional songs, we got a happy-centil one! {hands in the air}. In her own words, kak Riel said she have to listen to this song one time every month at the very least. That's how frequent she listen! Why, you may wonder. Well, the song radiating a happy, positive vibe, looking forward to future love, a very lovable song indeed {nods head}. And it's contagious! So just by listening, you can also feel brighter. A very good song, I'm adding it to my playlist. :P

9. Adek Oca (@enamiiasa) One thing I would say about Adek Oca's chosen song, is, “Relate, dek, relaaaaateee!!!”. She likes this song because of the instruments, and the lyrics is pretty relatable. The song picturing the life of teenagers who feel like they are trapped inside this expecting society, keep demanding them of something in which made them feel like they are being fake and living just to fulfill this expectation of society, when in the end, it keeps asking for more so it feels like they will never “win”. Well, like the song said, society indeed sucks!

10. Dek Iki (@nikienhypen) sigh For you who is now single, close your eyes, and ears cs this one is not single friendly. This song reminds him of her girlfriend. Ouh, so cute! So bucin! We love to see love in the air! Favorite Girl, here we go!

[foursdarkdays]

i like a girl lol

Sooooooooooooo ummm the title of this rant? would be "i like a girl" lmaooo Soooooo yeah theres a girl i kinda like?? its nothing serious tho but yeah i like her ig, she's not really my type tho but idk . She treats me so well i cant help it. i feel things lol. I keep checking my phone every second of the day (just did again) and it sucksssss. She kinda likes me back? atleast thats what she says . but idk i dont think so. The possibility is too narrow but yeah.

She has a boyfriend lol and its not like i care tbh cause its not like i wanna make her cheat on him something i mean she wouldnt and i wouldnt want her to. Also i know this isjust a phase for her and itll go away soon. for her or for me. Yk know i cant like someone for long especially if i dont see a possibilty of us dating. so yeah im gonna go with the flow rn. She told me that she had a crush on me since months tho but again ahh i dont think so. maybe shes overthinking . maybe she just wants to be my friend.

anywayyy soo im just going with the flow. we flirt a lot. we blush a lot. Thta bitch flirts with othets and makes me jealous lmao dumb fuck and i do the same bwahaah. sooooo yeahhhh i know after whatever this thing is ends im gonna be sad af for 2 weeks i think? cause we talk so much and its gonna be lonely. but again im a pro at moving on soooooooooo

7/10/23 (1:51am)

(im gonna keep adding the rants)

and the best thing about this is that i'm very well prepared for the heartbreak so im sure it wont hurt much lol im actually very sure about that. I always expect the worst in these things so its going to be chill. I'm sure shell come out of this phase soon and it will only be a memory for both of us. mostly in a good away tho. I'm not gonna take this too seriously and just have fun. you're flirting? okay ill flirt back. you're treating me well? ill do the same yeah thats it lol

i have a strong gut feeling that this is gonna end soon like 3-4 days? i dont know. lets see

7/10/23 (18:25)

Oh wow soooo it almost ended that day lollll but then yeah we kinda talked it out? Anyways i feel like something changed after that. I think in a good way? The obsession feelings decreased and maybe the good friendship feelings increased? I honestly have no idea and i should probably stop trying to figure it out lol. Anyway now I'm back and i think she doesn't like me anymore. Maybe I'm just over thinking? But lol nvm let's see how it goes

11/10/23 (2:05am)

Lmao bitch read this post. anyways im gonna act like no one knows about this account. Its soooooo scary i know i've told this before but its just really scary. See i have trust in myself that if IF something goes wrong ill move on fast, OKAY WHY AM I OVERTHINKING AGAIN. lets fuck this. SHES SO CUTE IM SO OBSESSED I HATE HER SO MUCH. ITS SO MUCH FUN TALKING TO HER. even though sometimes i really wanna push her off a cliff but its okay. I wanna write so much but im blank again wtf

14/10/23 (01:48am)

Why do i feel like she hates me now. Maybe she'll finally lose feelings. i mean yeah thats okay and understandable but it'll be too sudden so idk. I'm ready for anything at this point . I wanna text her but i guess ill give her space. I'll just distract myself and sleep. She has nooooooo idea about the amount of over thinking im doing rn. im so sure shes done with me and will never see my face again. lemme prepare myself. Thankfully im veryyy tired so ill fall asleep easily.

14/10/23 (9:22 pm)

i randomly have such sudden outbursts of love for this baby. i want to cup her face and kiss her whole face , i want to hug her to my chest and kiss her head and baby the fuck out of her. She's gonna cringe reading this (please dont). I want to like put our foreheads together and close my eyes and feel it yk??? i sound soooooo weird. Please dont be creeped out

15/10/23 (10;02pm)

I like her so much like so so so so so so much. Its very scary and i know for a fact that i will be hurt later but ugh its sooooo worth it. I'm sooooo happy with her. The feelings keep growing and i dont think im gonna let it stop. its okay ill let it grow. yoloooo sooo ahhhhh. We just had a pubg date sksksksk shes soooooooo ahhhhh. She flirts so confidently , i was panicking behind the pubg call sksknjiuck. anywaysssss ugh I want to kiss her sooooooooooooooooo bad like fuckkkkkkkkkk i wanttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!.

20/10/23 (01:13am)

Hiii so idk bro she says she's more obsessed with me but obviously i disagree. I think i really fell harder lol I mean it's scary af but anyways. Idk she can go for hoursssss without talking to me and be fine and me ? Lolllllll I try to text back whenever I can but she doesn't do that. Maybe I'm asking too much. Okay i should chill out fr. I don't wanna depend on anyone lol. I only want fun stuff here even though i know I'm kinda in deep but anyways it'll be okay. I know she's putting a lot of effort i shouldn't complain. I'm getting more than i deserve anyway. And I AM happy af. I just miss her i guess. I sound sooooo stupid. Ugh I hope she doesn't read this

21/10/23 (17:12)

(23/10/23) 1:40am

She didn't text me back today. But I'm gonna be understanding. I don't want to overthink. Not today . There are so many possibilities and i wanna listen to her . I really want to be understanding. Because i genuinely care . I didn't text her back till 2pm due to some valid reasons tho but anyway I feel calm now. I texted in our gc and she seen zoned but maybe she has her reasons . Let's see . I don't want to think about anything. I really hope she's alright .

It's like i want her to text me about her day and all but then I don't want to expect much i don't want her to do zyada also idk she's already treating me nicely and it makes me happy. Its honestly more than enough and I don't want to be greedy.

23/10/23 (19:12)

okay sooo ummm the reality is hitting me these days. I was okay being the side chick but its really hitting me lol. Its not like she makes me feel that way nahhh she shows that she cares. Its just that idk maybe im only stupid. she flirts with others and sends me screenshots and everytime she does that i lose little feelings. Even though she does that for fun idk. If she keeps doing this, i might actually lose feelings lol idk how to tell her that. I dont wanna bicker or anything i dont have the strenght and anyway she'll be like nooo i do it for fun only because im cool. **heavy sigh** nvm . but should i let her know? communication is good yk. i guess ill try tonight. if she doesnt fall asleep. Okay ill tell her that, rest is her wish lol .

oh yeah btw todays our 1 month anniversary???? ehehehehe

okay she fell asleep, shes really sick so i hope she feels better soon.

but anyway i keep feeling stupid lmaoooooo i need to stop feeling this way and accept it. Thats the only way lol

21:23 (30/10/23)

Wah its been long, soooo umm idk we kinda had a disagreement? i honestly dont know what that was but yeah im 1000% sure that it wasnt my fault. i took my time to write and explain everything but nah i guess shes mad at me? ofcourse she is. we didnt talk the whole day and its kinda driving me crazy but im trying to look normal. I wont text her first , not because i have ego or anything but because im not at fault here. She took things a little too far and i got triggered. But again i did explain her everything like why it triggered me and all because i didnt want any misunderstanding. But yeah shes mad at me for that? i honestly dont know what to do. is this the end of us? i dont want it to end like this. I'm not ready but i also wont text first. She needs to own up to her mistakes. I miss her. I miss her so much . please text me ughh .

its okay i guess. this is like a break for us i think i dont know how this will end up

22:56(7/11/23)

lmao i got on with a lot of thoughts in my head but as usual im black again. sooo i cant stop thinking about her and its scaring the shit out of me. Atp im pushing myself to go out with friends and family just to divert myself from thinking about her lmaooo yeah its that bad. The worst part is even k-pop idols are not helping me this time. Its always her on my mind. But ill try my best to distract myself because i feel very one sided. Its prolly not but kinda is . idk. But i'm also behaving the same way with her ig? i talk about idols and behave like they're the only ones on my mind when its absolutely false. I'm sure its not the same for her tho. she really isnt that whipped for me lol. and thats okay. ill keep trying to calm myself down . BUTTT the more i try the more i think. What do i do?

05:36am (17/11/2023)

we had a talk yesterday and it hit a nerve, It hit a wrong spot and now idk what i feel anymore. It was hurting. My heart felt like it would explode. I felt too much that i dont feel it now. No i'm not over her. It'll take time for sure but something snapped for sure. I'm taking a break today, from her. I need to analyze my feelings and emotions and think. I need to be ready for whatever is about to come. and i will be, Im strong and i can do it.

I never spoke about this or wrote it here but i think i should now. I need to analyze my feelings and write it out. I like her. i like her a lot. It was all happy happy at first, just us flirting. It wasnt that serious. But it did get serious later. A lot of feelings got involved. I know i know that she has a boyfriend and that i am a second option. I know its genuine and she really likes me. But i sometimes i wish the other way around. Everytime she mentions her boyfriend, its like a stab in my heart and reality hits me. I get distant for a bit. idk if she notices. its not her fault tho, I cant talk to people about this because i know what they're gonna say. "its all your fault, you knew she was taken but you still chased her. its all on you. you"re stupid for even hoping or wanting something from a straight taken woman" oh dont even get me started on how much it hurts when she tells me shes straight. Its gives me mixed signals. she says she wants to kiss me, hold me and do things with me and then she says shes straight. see i know sexuality is not an easy thing, it takes a lot of time and courage and thinking to come to a conclusion and tbh its okay even if she doesnt, but i cant stop my feelings and my overthinking. what if she doesnt really like me and its really just a phase shes going through. because im confident about the way i feel. i like women, i like her, romantically , emotionally and sexually.

i want her. i want her so bad even if its for a month, i want to experience how it feels like to be in a real relationship with her but i know its impossible. Like that equation doesnt even exist.

yesterday night, when she told me she loved me. i couldnt say it back. I didnt have enough energy to feel things because my heart was already hurting. Thats why im taking a break from her today, Her calling me baby , princess and whatever cute things she does , its making me feel guilty. She shouldnt do those things for me, but i want it . i dont know what im typing honeslty. i just want her so bad but i know i shouldnt. i NEED to tone down now . from my side, ill take the love shes giving me, also reciprocate. but not more than that because even i feel guilty and shes going through things because of me, she says its worth it but is it? i know that one day both of us will move on from this. I'm pretty sure we're gonna think about this and laugh but right now i want her, But i also dont , But i do. lol.

14:04 (21/11/23)

Hi, lol. I feel so much for her. like so so so so much. what we have is so precious and important to me. i dont want to let her go. As a girlfriend, yeah i guess one day we'll have to part, but as a friend? i dont want to lose her. I may sound greedy but along with her girlfriend(idk what we are but lets pretend im her girlfriend) right now, i also want to be her second best friend. Is it too much to ask ? i mean i guess it is. It hasnt been that long but our emotional bond is too strong and idk if ill ever find it anywhere else. Even if i dooo ugh idk i just want her for a long time. Even after we break up and take our time off, i want her to talk to me. This may sound selfish but yeah. I still want her to come nag to me, complain about things and share her problems, emotions etc. Relationship issues, marital issues, friendship issues, work related issues, family issues, financial issue etc like literally anyyything. I want her to feel comfy with me, I will never force her tho. I just hope things turn out this way instead of us completely falling apart. Because if it breaks , im sure itll take more than 2 years for me to open up tp anyone again. After my last ex best friend , i really shut myself off and it was lonely. I do have friends and i know they are always there for me but i cant open up to them. emotionally. But with her i can. So i want her , need her for a long time. We may drift . life is unpredictable and people change so its okay but i hope both of us try our best. I know she said she ignores and ghosts her close friends when she feels something is off and then they drift apart but i want her to really try for us. Idk if it will be worth it for her but i want her to try because i know i will. unless she wants otherwise. lol why am i having such emotions today? this is the first time im feeling this way. with us i mean. okay ill stop now.

26/11/23 22:30

I think I'm in love lol idk I tried so much to not be 'in' love and to just love her but I think I failed at it. I'm even scared to admit it to myself because I'm a coward. I still don't want to admit it to myself. I love her so much . I feel so stupid for loving someone who loves someone else. I was never like this. What is wrong with me? Idk but can it be helped? No. I know I'll move on in the future and everything will fall into place but right now ugh i love her and I feel stupid af. Like really really stupid. I'm never telling this to anyone tho. They'll make fun of me lol. They won't understand. I myself don't understand anything. I'm giving away so much of myself and it's going to take a lot of time for me to get it back like after we break up. Anyways I hope she gets well soon. She must be in a lot of pain. It hurts to even think that she might be in pain ughhhh stupid**inserts my name* get it together.

Come back soon . I feel like a zombie without you

Lol I just looked at my instgram activity and was wondering why I had spent 4 hours on Instagram yesterday when we didn't even talk. Then I realised that we did. It has only been a day but it feels like weeks? Wtf? What is going on with me. I'm scared I'm so so scared.

28/11/23 (23:43)

Happy 2 months to us lol sksksk anyways I didn't miss her yesterday. Probably because I was dealing with my own shit . Doesn't mean I like her any less. I still care . I hope she feels better soon

30/11/23 (00:19)

I googled the recovery rate and the death rate of dengue and I'm more paranoid now. Maybe I'm crying too much because I'm sick . I cry a lot when I fever like it heightens whatever I feel and now I'm worried about everything. Myself , her ahhh.

This is way too scary. New fear unlocked. I don't wanna say it but ugh just the thought of your loved one not being there hurts lol. I think I'll never move on from it. Never. So dear universe or whoever is listening to me , you've been mean to me these days , there are only 2 things that I want the most right now. The most. And I'll do anything for it. 1. Her getting well soon. 2. I need freedom from my life . Which means moving away to another country. I need these so bad. I don't care if I don't die anymore. I know I've always wanted to die and that was the only prayer in my head but now no. I want these 2 . Please please please. I won't be able to take it please ahh I'm crying again. I'm never getting attached to anyone again.

It's December already, please please please I promise that if these two things happen, I WILL NEVER NEVER EVER think about killing myself again. I promise this. I really really really promise you. But , if not , then that's it. You know I've always wanted to die , ever since 2011, so I'm giving up on this if I get the things I want. Atleast the 1st one. I won't be able to live at all.

Why am I crying so much. It's too much to handle. I feel like the nerves in my head will tear open with the strain. Its been long since I cried so much . I know I'm over thinking but why can't I fucking stop. STOP. Okay I'll just sleep .

1/12/23 (00:05)

I didnt miss her at all these last 3 days but i think i miss her a little today. I suddenly think about her and feel like crying. This is not because i miss her but idk. I feel like every bad thing happened to me at once and my mental health is at stake. 1. her being extremely sick with that deadly virus? whatever it is. 2. My uni thing. 3 me falling sick as well. i cant control my emotions when im sick. especiallllyyyy fever. i feel so weak and that stupid fever aftertaste on my tongue is making me wanna puke. i think im sleeping a lot these days. like 16 hours a day or something, maybe physcial and mental exhaustion is catching up to me. fuck this life . anygays idk i hope something good happens please. i wanna cry again lol. crying feels nice all of a sudden . its all because im sick lol. i guess ugh idk fuck this

i slept on the couch yesterday night, i think ill do the same tonight lol. i always sleep on the couch when im sick i guess??? ah im sleepy again. prolly med effect. ill eat and sleep now. i hope my baby feels almost better tomorrow. wow im sleepy af all of a sudden . no energy i think ill fall off byee

01/11/23 (20:16)

Lol i haven't written in so long ahhh yeah idk it's going okay I guess. We were having a call on gmeet with another friend of mine and she spoke about her boyfriend today. Idk what happened to me and why it happened but I cried wtf? Like wtf?????? Idk what to do anymore. It's reality I know but it's hurting. I know I'm just a ummm what am I again? No one omg fuck this

03:20 (18/11/23)

i love you

22:36(uk time zone) 11/02/24

Ah i need you so bad but i yeah i should be understanding. I’ll be. But know that i need you so bad like emotionally but im not brave enough to text you .

15/02/24 1:14pm

I love you . It feels sad now . When i think about her, my brain makes me sad lol. Whenever i imagine fake scenarios with her my brain keeps constantly reminding me that im just delulu and nothing will ever happen. I already know that but lemme be happy? i keep thinking about the break up that will happen soon when she gets engaged. I know there’s time, there’s a lot of time but i can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like it’s always there at the back of my mind. I just wanna be delulu , carefree and happy. I don’t wanna think much okay bye

29/02/24(2:30am)

I hope you dont see this but I’m so sorry. There are so many thoughts running in my head rn. I feel like im ruining something perfect. i mean you and him. I know nothing will change , yall are the end game and i dont want that to change. But the guilt is hittinf me these days. Am i that bad? Am i that selfish? What am i supposed to do? Shouldi stop? I dont want to stop but i dont want to be so selfish. Am i really a homewrecker? fuck

(12:06)

(PLEASE DONT READ THIS IM BEGGING YOU)

Ouch. That stung. Very bad. Ahh i can feel my heart breaking into pieces and im having a breakdown. I feel so so so helpless. I really can't do anything about this. I have no way out now do i? Please universe please please help me please.

I'll do anything. Hold me from breaking apart every time. I should be used to this by now?

Right? It's been so long. It should be normal. But as the days go by i can't take it. I'm breaking so bad. This is why i hate love so much. Only pain and hurt. But do you think i can let go? No. The most dumb and stupid award should be given to me. I hate everything

6:46 (19/8/24)

I want a day where it doesn't hurt me anymore.

But i guess that day will be the day im not in love anymore and I've completely lost feelings. I dont want that.

7:06

I love myself too much. I want to be happy. I will be happy. Me me me me and only me.

Every time i close my eyes her Instagram story flashes ahhh i want amnesia. I want to hid my head somewhere and lose all my 24 years memories. It hurts THAT much. Or maybe I'm over reacting too much. Its prolly the latter lol ok.

But i know its something she can't help too so lol both of us are helpless. Im just opening up here and she's not. Now i need to give my brain some rest. I'll be offline the whole day to heal

7:47

[social-muffin]

Hello! Hope you're having a great day. Here are a few of those emoji's from that I wanted to ask! 🥺✨️🎯🎶🌞👀🥰💌

Okay, so... yeah. That's more than a few, lol. Have fun!!!!

Thank you for the ask my dear! I hope you're having a wonderful day too!! 💞

No readmore cause this didn't turn out that super long :3

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

Oh this is a tough one cause Hurt/comfort is one of my big weaknesses. So I'm gonna just explain two interactions!

I catch the biggest feels when a more reserved character can't contain their emotions anymore and has a somewhat public breakdown. Made even better if someone cares enough to try to hide them/hug them!

I also catch the feels when misunderstandings are cleared up in a shouting match. It doesn't even have to be between two people that get along. Just let people be so emotional that they forget to control their volume! 😭💜

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I'm really proud of my old writing, so this is a compliment for my new/not posted writing! It sparks a lot of joy when I read through my notes, even if I'm not ready to post anything yet. ;u;

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

I feel like yes, people have guessed major plot points before, but it's only happened a few times? And I can't recall any of the times when it did happen. It also happens a lit taht someone will suggest something happening and I fall in live with the idea and then I just. Steal ideas from comments with credit to the commenter in the next chapter. 👉👈🥺

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I do listen to things when I write! I can't write in absolute silence. But the music/video I listen to varies a lot. I mostly look for music compilation type things, so I will for sure have music for like an hour at least. Or I listen to chemistry videos while I write, though I don't know why that one works lmao

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

I can write anytime, but my most emotional writing happens at around 3 am usually. Which is not conducive to having a day job. 😔 Especially since I need 8 hours of sleep to function! 😧

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Hibari has taken over my brain and demands I write for him. For one of the up and coming fics I'll try to write is Teen!Hibari's POV of the future arc! It'll be a mega self indulgent thing with a lot of headcanons and quite a few OCs, just because. Where the hell did he go and what did he do inbetween his arrival and the end of the future arc???

🥰 How do you feel about reader interaction? Are you open to receiving questions about your fics?

I am so open to receiving questions I made a whole ask blog specifically about my stories!! So if you have random questions, here's the place to as them! @ask-skull-and-muffin

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I feel that, for a while now, I'm being a bit of a glass canon about comments. Sometimes they are super motivating and get me to write 5000 words in a day! And other times a single comment can burn out my entire passion for a whole fic... It's pretty confusing to my soul.

I also have.... A shame I want to admit to here. 😔 A year or so ago I abruptly had the worst depressive episode of my life and I couldn't make myself reply to/answer comments as they came in at all for a good few months. So now there are 450 comments in my inbox and I think that's one of my biggest issues when it comes to getting back into writing properly... 😭

I'm so sorry to all my peoples that crave comments and don't get nearly enough! I wish I could give you some of mine, I swear! Feels like comments are a little wasted on me right now...

[soap-brain]

honestly if i’m ever finding an irl person who’s willing to hug me i’ll duct tape them to my room so they can never escape

[invalid-request]

Man, unmasking's harder than I thought.

A friend invited me over, first time in 2 years seeing him. I'm socially awkward, but what I lack in friendships I make up for in desperate loneliness. So I didn't want to fuck it up.

It was gonna be him and a few other people, actually, so even more pressure. So... One sleeping pill the night before to ensure I was well rested. 500mg phenibut six hours beforehand to ensure I was in a good mood that day and disinhibited. A packet of truBrain drink to ensure I was verbal. As I drove, I drank a can of Monster so I'd arrive energized. And as I neared his neighborhood, a few squirts of oxytocin nasal spray to make me feel more socially connected.

(It didn't even occur to me how comical it was that I needed so many drugs. 😅)

Anyway when I got there it was pretty chill, he gave me a hug, commented on my new fit, and we went inside. He invited me to smoke up with the others who were there, and I haven't smoked weed in over a year so I was eager to partake.

Oops, I smoked way too fucking much. Oh my god. All that preparation trying to make sure I could socially perform, and now I was struggling to even follow a conversation. Someone would start a sentence and ~five minutes later~ he'd finally end it, and I had to focus with all my power to remember the first half of his sentence. 😂 It was really challenging, but luckily, I think I managed okay.

"Lmao I definitely smoked too much, like it's hard to even focus on having a conversation," I laughed.

"Oh yeah I know that feeling, when I get like that I don't even want to listen to people haha"

Want to? It's not about what you want, you have to! Otherwise people aren't gonna like you! Wait.... "want"... 🤔

Fuck, I forgot to want anything. I didn't even consider wanting anything, trying to get anything out of the experience for myself; all my brain power was going toward deducing what they wanted and being that, so they'd like me.

And, well, the only thing I did "want" was to be liked, I guess. But I wasn't gonna find out if they liked me by putting on my best social performance. Even if it worked, I'd leave feeling like the performance was liked, and I really wouldn't be too excited to have to go through all that again. There was no path to success there.

So, yeah, I'm glad he said that, and it made me stop trying to please people before it was too late. I tried to do what I wanted and say what was on my mind, regardless if it was acceptable. I reminded myself that I don't care if every single person there hates me. My only agenda is to be me and they can think what they will. It was surprisingly hard, though. I don't really know what it means to "be me", at least not in a social context. Who even am I?

[crownin-thestars]

Same request by Wattpadder

This is the part 2

Part one

Also giving myself a small throwback to when I played Minecraft with my cousins

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This trio had started hanging out together a lot more, and yes Skeppy is allowed to hangout with them after school(cuz apparently they go to the same school), but he has to be back home before 5pm because again reasons.

Mega has started to speak broken sentences when he's with them and they're super proud of him considering he's pretty much unable to talk. Just because they're broken doesn't mean he can't roast them tho.~

It turned out that they weren't the same age, with Skeppy as the youngest and Mega the oldest. The age gap wasn't extremely huge, Zelk had a one year age difference from the both of them.

Isn't it amazing how they have the privelage of having elemtry to high school in the same location? All good things however, must come to an end. Mega being the oldest had to graduate from Grassblock High first, meaning leaving the two, then eventually one, on their own.

Very soon, Zelk had to graduate from high school as well, leaving Skeppy alone. Without an excuse to leave the house, he's been living through hell on Earth. Now, I won't be going too deep into what happened because I'm assuming you're not here for that.

~Timeskip brought to you by the iDots SMP~

Mega laid in bed. It was the middle of the afternoon and he hadn't planned to do anything that day. A noise emitted from his phone, gaining his attention. That noise was for when he got a text from one of his old friends. It had been forever since they last talked to each other, so it confused it.

He flipped over to grab his phone from the bedside table, checking the notification. It was indeed from an old friend. The mute smiled, remembering the memories he had with the both of them.

Yo guys, you wanna

hang today?

It's been way too

long

Lmao duh Zelk

Mega sat up from the bed, going over to his closet to change out. After changing, he went to check his messages again to see if Skeppy had replied. He didn't even read the message

Just us?

I guess yeah

He reached for his green scarf before leaving, telling his caretakers goodbye.

What happened to Skeppy you're asking? He went for a walk, and his mom took away his hand phone privileges because of grades.

Hate to hear that, yeah.

The moment the two saw each other, a wave of nostalgia came over them. They gave each other a tight hug.

"Dude I've missed you." Zelk told him. Mega nodded in agreement. They quickly broke up the hug before anyone around thought they were a thing. Because, y'know, homophobs are a thing for some reason.

Walking over to the pizza place they planned to go to, they bypassed a little wired fence. That is until something caught Mega's eye. He stopped to take a look, Zelk almost walking off without him. There was a blue piece of cloth sort of stuck on it. It seemed to be ripped of by it. He recognised it from somewhere, but where?

"Please no!! Someone help!!" Their attention was diverted to the direction of the cry. That's when the realisation hit him. The cloth was ripped off from him.

"That kinda sounds like Skeppy, doesn't it?" Zelk pointed out. Mega didn't even acknowledge the question, quickly running off in that direction. The cries were right outside the pizza place they were going to. He halted right at the alleyway next to it.

Another scream escaped from the child's throat as the man in there with him raised his arm. Mega's eyes widened. Zelk just managed to catch up to Mega, not even knowing why he ran off. "Get a staff." He said surprisingly clearly. Despite the shock, Zelk obliged.

Mega sprinted over to the man and gripped his arm just before it managed to swing down on the boy. He had a knife in hand, making it obvious of what his motives were.

"Skeppy, stay away!" He yelled, trying to snatch the weapon from him. Before he could reach it, the man swapped hands and slashed at Mega. Skeppy squealed in fear, tears streaming down. The knife cut his face, but it wasn't deep.

Right on cue, out came Zelk with a staff member. The man's eyes widened, dropping his knife and attempting to run away. Mega, being the little jackass he is inside, attempted to trip him. It didn't really work but it did slow him down. The employee quickly stopped the murderous man from leaving, dragging him out of the alleyway, possibly to keep an eye on him while he calls the cops.

As Mega was processing what had just happened, Skeppy tackled him into a hug.

"BRO I THOUGHT I WAS A GONER!!" He yelled, still sobbing from the traumatic event he had just been through. "ALSO YOU TALKED NORMALLY!!" He decided to add.

"Snapped, I guess." He chuckled slightly, returning the hug. Zelk smiled at the little scene as Skeppy and Mega's bond was never as close as he was with Mega(oh god that sounds confusing I really hope you understood that). "Still as giggly as last time?" He teased, giving the younger a small tickle. He squirmed away, giggling lighty.

"Yes! It still hurts though!" Skeppy wrapped his arms around his abdomen, as if it was going to protect him. "It's not like you're any different!" He clapped back.

"Shut up, Skep." He hid his face in the scarf he was wearing to hide his embarrassment. Both yelped in surprise when they were both pulled into another hug session initiated by Zelk.

"You guys were nearly murdered and this is what you talk about?" They all shared a small laugh at the statement.

"It's not illegal to lighten the mood a bit." Mega replied, pulling out of the hug. He walked over to the knife and used his scarf to pick it up.

"Dude why are you taking that with you people are gonna think you're the murderer here." Skeppy questioned, joking about the situation a bit at the same time. Ah it seems he knows nothing about evidence in court.

When they left the alleyway, police cars could be seen. The man that had just attempted to kill Skeppy was now in cuffs and was being led to one of the cars. Before they left, Mega quickly ran over to one of the cops, showing him the weapon of choice.

When he gave the object to the officer, he rejoined the two waiting up for him. "Still having pizza?" Zelk asked.

"YOU GUYS WERE GETTING PIZZA WITHOUT ME??" Skeppy yelled, causing the two to crack up.

Ever since this whole ordeal, the three have been keeping in close touch with each other, making sure to check on Skeppy's health from then on. It's safe to say that friendship really can last forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word count: 1179 words

Hope I did okay with this part! Been watching EnchantedMob's Disconnected movie a lot and then while writing this I just kinda wanted to implement it in here.

Also, if you're wondering, yes Mega is still a mute. It was just that in that very moment, he didn't remember anything from before because his main and only thought at that time was 'Save Skeppy'. After he processed everything he became himself again tho.

Edit: Jfc I also lost a fair bit of sleep from writing this lmao

[dolphin-enthusiast]

hello darling, nice to see you again! 🌺💕✨ hopefully today went well for you!! i'm glad to finally be laying down, as today was a little tiring, and what's a better way to end a day than talking to you~? 💖 (1/9?)

"let me tell you that i was not at all expecting a whole ramble about me being strong??? oh gosh, i have to admit that i was so touched, it made me cry a bit! i'm not usually told such sweet things, dio mio, i don't deserve you at all!! (2/9)

ooh, you play volleyball?? ahh that's so cool deary!! high-intensity meetings like that are quite anxiety-inducing, but I guarantee you'll do amazing amore, you're you after all 😉 don't be surprised if you see me at your games in the future, i'm always rooting for you after all 💋🌟 (3/9)

ahhhh i'm not so sure if i could be as good at ballet or figure skating as i used to be,, since it was so many years ago!! there's a lot of pressure since i used to be my ballet company's star dancer 🌸 i started ballet when i was 6 and figure skating when i was 8,, but both were cut short sadly, ballet due to a health emergency and figure skating due to a freak accident that occurred outside of skating,, (4/9)

ahhhh i'm not so sure if i could be as good at ballet or figure skating as i used to be,, since it was so many years ago!! there's a lot of pressure since i used to be my ballet company's star dancer 🌸 i started ballet when i was 6 and figure skating when i was 8,, but both were cut short sadly, ballet due to a health emergency and figure skating due to a freak accident that occurred outside of skating,, (5/9? i hope i didn't send this part twice haha)

oh my, i do wish i could do both of them again!! i still retain some skills from ballet, but lost the ability to skate,, now i can't go on the ice alone unless i'm with someone, and even then, i have to re-learn how to skate 😖 after i checked on the bunnies today, my family and i drove up to my older brother's university so we could all go out for a celebratory dinner since my dad got a new job offer!! (6/9)

he lost his job due to the pandemic, and we've been struggling for months with financial issues, so we're all very happy to have some stability again!! ✨ we went to a tavern and had a grand time, the food was nice but seeing my brother was even better! they had this amazing cherry cheesecake that i split with my sister, and the waitresses were so very kind; they kept complimenting me and my outfit,, oh my stars, it felt nice to finally be relieved of some of the stress!! 💗 (7/9)

and tonight, a friend challenged me to a game poker out of nowhere,, i have no idea why or what we're wagering, but he's going out of his way to buy and entire poker set for it??? an expensive one too, i am completely confused by it all 😅 i'll need to brush up on my skills before hand, seeing as i haven't played in months, but i'm sure i'll be fine hehehe! (8/9)

oh sugar, it's getting late now, guess that means it's sleepy time! i apologize for the shortness today, it's been long and busy! but goodnight my lovely morgy, i'll see you again in the morning! i'm wishing you peaceful sleep and a good day tomorrow 💘 - warm hugs from america, waifu xoxo 💌🌹🌠💝💞 (and if i'm not busy later this week, i'll definitely hit you up, and not just for aa ❤) ps: if it came to it, i'd wager my soul for you like jotaro did for kakyoin 😖❤ (9/9)"

As always im happy u enjoyed urself and had a full day (without huge amounts of work) love...unfortunately my day was absolutely awful due to personal stuff and it completely threw off my entire schedule and mood bc i was also planning to write so i'll have to see what i can do bc currently my motivation and overall state of mind said↘️↘️

Also not to pry but freak accident?? It really does sound mysterious yet at the same time its unfortunate really...im pretty sure u were mf amazing to be the star ballet dancer at such a young age too??? Honestly if u can ever pick up figure skating or ballet i say go for it 100%, i'd def come see ur shows👀👁️ (and thank u for cheering me on w the volleyball thing, it really is a lil anxiety inducing esp when ur around 5'3 lmao)

Im also glad to see things have gotten better w ur dad and his job, tbh my dad himself had a lowkey hard time w jobs at some point bc of the pandemic and we really felt like shit was gonna bc wack yet thankfully it didnt go like that at all shcjxjx and wow i love cheesecake?? As a matter of fact i had cheesecake myself today (raspberry cheesecake doe but still c l o w n t o c l o w n) ksksdn i also dont know poker but am a master at macao👁️ idk if its a romanian only cards game or nah but i get my gambling freak on each time i play it🤪✌️

Also w o a h isnt saying u'd wager ur soul for me a lil too far darlin thats a huge responsibility 😳😳😳

[jenhrding]

dead to me season 2; a review

hello, i need to write about this because i woke up at 4am to watch season two and i have soooo many feelings that i need to vent even if nobody really cares

this is gonna be long so i divided it by episode and i'm doing a summary at the end if you don't feel like reading the entire thing

if you follow me on twitter you may have seen a lot of my comments on the season, as i needed to tweet about it while i watched it, but this is more of an organized type of thing

A LOT OF SPOILERS AHEAD

> i'm a die hard judy/jen shipper so if you liked michelle this might not be for you, i'm sorry

EPISODE 1

okay, the season picks up on the morning after ted's death and that was something i really appreciated. i usually hate when tv shows skip things and only mention what happened, not showing us how it happened

judy and henry's relationship warms my heart. they have a really strong bond and i'm glad we got to see more of them together throughout the episodes.

but, as we can't have everything, it hurt me a lot to see the way jen was treating judy. i love them both equally and because of that i can clearly see their mistakes without being biased, or at least i hope i can. i get that she was hurt with everything that judy did, and i loathed steve deeply, but still, the guy was his ex-fiancee, and she loved him to death even if he was a toxic piece of crap. the way jen said she was just there to pick up stuff and then told her she burned everything without even looking at her made me so sad for judy, and her dropping judy off saying they would never talk again was very cold, but that i would've seen coming from jen.

i was constantly feeling bad for judy because she didn't have time to mourn steve or abe and there she was, broke and without a place to stay. and let's just say, abe was an angel in her life even after he died. props to him for treating her like she deserved to be treated.

the thing with michelle started and it seemed a bit forced to me, like they just wanted to shove judy to someone else so we would stop asking for jen & judy being together.

and then jen called judy and i just KNEW that was happening, that scene really made me happy and it felt like they were taking a step forward in their relationship. jen worries about judy so much, even if she's not the best at showing it.

"like an excuse to see me again." "did it work?"

EPISODE 2

steve's twin thing was 100% so they wouldn't have to kick james out. it was very predictable and unnecessary. i guess it added a bit to the plot but his presence really annoyed me. but, i need to say, james did a nice job because ben didn't have any of steve's traits (i know that's what actors are supposed to do but i felt like he needed a compliment).

diana was irritating me from the beginning, and i'm glad i got to like her more by the end of everything.

i didn't get the deal with nick. i know breakups are hard but he looked depressed af. maybe it had to do with his history, everything with his friend and him losing his job and stuff. but i'm not really interested in that so it didn't bother me.

and may i just add? the scene with judy and the bird, she truly is a princess, i can't with her. also, i liked the subtle hint when jen told ben not to climb on the freezer because it was too low, and we would come to find out later that steve's body was in that freezer.

episode two had a lot of fun moments and it was a lighter one, maybe to prepare us for the chaos that was coming next.

"you look beautiful. i wish you would love yourself more."

EPISODE 3

judy hugging the freezer got me ????? i know she's an espiritual person but was she really acting like steve was feeling anything? i was confused, honesly, but i don't blame her "she will never do anything wrong :)"

the rats scene was funny but i hated how long they took to solve the freezer thing and just showed jen going there and crying sooo many times it kinda got tiring.

jen was being so nice to judy, touching her and hugging her and i had my hopes up for a little bit (only to get played again but i'll talk about that later).

the scene with michelle was cute, kinda necessary for judy to realize things about her grief, but sincerely speaking she just makes me very bored.

the breakdown scene in the garage was GREAT, linda and christina did an amazing job and i want to give them all of the awards.

"just wanted to tell you that i forgive you."

EPISODE 4

this episode had so much potential to be gay lmao, i could actually picture jen trying to comfort judy and end up kissing her and then they would've been together and all, but liz really doesn't want to give us what we want.

the scene at the bar was one of the best scenes in this season. they finally TALKED about their feelings. about how they still cared about both of the men who hurt them even if they were still mad at them for being shitty guys, and that was so important, love really does weird things to us.

and the dancing scene was EVERYTHING!!!! plus, they slept in the same bed even though there were two beds in the room, so...

judy hugging henry because of his bird = my heart cried they really are mother and son

jen telling judy that she could say goodbye and LINDA's SINGING!!!!!!!! a big yes for me

"will you be my person?" "yes, i will be your person."

EPISODE 5

hated this one. jen telling judy she needed space was hurtful, specially because judy was planning a day to make her feel better.

i just really hated this one. jen and ben is a NO, and judy with michelle was bothering me.

the highlight of it, for me, was when jen called judy to help her with charlie because, well, he is his mom too.

plus: the car burning scene was hot.

EPISODE 6

judy and jen talking to charlie like his moms was sooo nice i liked that scene a lot.

the voicemails steve left judy were disgusting. i hate that guy so much and i'm glad he's dead (sorry) and not able to hurt her anymore. we only want happy and safe judy here.

jen was jealous when judy mentioned her "new friend" you can't change my mind on this one.

i actually thought judy and michelle were gonna kiss in the car, but i appreciated that liz dragged it a little bit more.

i loved most of the arcade scenes, specially the ones with their family. i liked how they portrayed jen's relationship with the boys getting good again but didn't drag it on for too long, i think it was quite nice the way they did it.

and no, i'm not here for judy and michelle even though linda looks very hot while kissing another woman.

EPISODE 7

um, judy and michelle slept together and i was not happy. in fact, i made a lot of tweets complaining about it and twitter actually put me on limit for a few minutes. her saying "i love you" felt so forced and fake, i don't know, maybe it's cause i just don't like them together.

i was really appreciating scenes with jen and charlie, even if i don't like him very much. it felt good to see their relationship developing and getting better again because i do love a mother-son plot.

"of all the lesbians in lagoona" (jen included if i may add). this scene really showed a trust between them that i missed, jen telling judy she couldn't see michelle anymore and even though judy was upset she agreed with it because she knows jen only wants what's best for her.

it really hurt me to see that girl pregnant, because i know how much judy wanted a baby and for her to have five miscarriages and have to see that other woman pregnant with steve's baby must've hit her hard.

hated jen and ben together. honestly, it felt so weird to have jen kiss the guy who looks so much like the guy she killed, so, i did not like that.

judy's speech to diana was really important. it really showed more of who she is, really, a person who just tries all the time to do everything right and keeps fucking it up (like myself, i'd say), and i liked that scene a lot, specially when she goes to pick up the plastic bags hahaha.

EPISODE 8

this one showed a bit of why we should've been prepared for episode nine.

jen and judy's first scene was really good. they started it fighting but the ending was so lovely and just showed us how much they love each other and the things they'd give up for the other one to be happy.

i really hated how michelle treated judy on this episode. judy didn't have to tell her anything right away, they were together for five seconds. (or maybe i'm overreacting because i love judy way too much and hate seeing her being mistreated).

the end of this episode showed a lot of phone calls that made me confused and it had a few cliffhangers that i found to be a bit unnecessary. the show is interesting enough and i think liz overdid the cliffhangers a bit in this season, but it wasn't something that deeply bothered me.

EPISODE 9

i have a lot to say about this one so just take a deep breath before i vent lmao.

jen and ben fucked. which i thought was unnecessary and out of character for her. i really didn't see jen sleeping with a guy who has the same face as the guy she killed, and the scene where she looks at ben and remembers steve's dead body was so weird.

plus, i wish they would've gotten deeper into jen's mastectomy story. the only mention to it in this season was when she was in the bathroom, and she couldn't even bring herself to look in the mirror. it was unlike her to sleep with some stranger after that, since she's so ashamed of it, and it made me sad that the first person to see her naked after surgery (besides ted) wasn't judy, who she actually trusts. i didn't need jen to talk about it, because i know her character doesn't like to talk feelings, but the scene where she was alone could've been longer and showed a bit more of her story.

they showed so much of judy's background in the last two episodes and i loved it! i like how they were slowly revealing why her character acts the way she does. we knew she didn't like to be alone, but now we know that it's because she was alone most of her life, and because of that she clings to anyone who shows a bit of interest in her. therefore, why she didn't like nick that much and still tried to make things work out with him, and when steve showed her a little bit more of compassion, she went back to him. and now it's michelle, who she started seeing right after jen told her she needed space. judy is codependent, and i liked to understand her relationship with her mother so i could understand her relationship with others.

jen's scene at city hall was so important and powerful. first, i was afraid she might embarrass herself but she was incredible. the way she called andrew out not even scared if all the white men sitting there wouldn't believe a woman's harassment story, the way she talked about ted and ugh everything was great.

then, things started to go downhill. jen's relationship with the boys started declining again and it broke my heart (but i liked how henry asked for judy because he was sad and wanted to see her). and this anticipated what i elected (as if i have any room to say anything) to be the best scene of the show.

the garage scene. i have so many feelings towards it but at the same time i don't know how to express them.

first, judy said she was going to take the blame for charlie and that right there is what a mom would do (and finally they talked about judy's s*icide attempt). besides that, judy said that jen had a family and she couldn't lose that family, and then we realize how much it hurt her when her mom said she didn't have a family of her own (even though, in season one, jen said she was a part of their family).

linda and christina were brilliant in this bit. linda's expressions send me every time, and personally, i love it when she curses because it shows a side of her character that only comes out when she's really nervous and stressed, since she's always trying to see the good in everything. the way she raised her voice and said a lot of "fucks" really brought a different tone to the scene that we hadn't seen during the season.

jen had a lot of breakdowns during this season. but none of those were as exceptional as this one. ted fucked up her mind badly, and steve saying all those things triggered her to do what she did. imagine being married to a person for eighteen years and finding out, after his death, that he was cheating on you for a year and a half, that really must mess up with your self esteem and how you see yourself. jen is constantly thinking that everyone that she loves hates her and she ends up hating herself (as judy said "i wish you would love yourself more."). she is an extraordinary character and there's so much i still need to know about her.

now, here's something that bothered me. this scene was great, but i think jen was a bit out of character when she said "that's because you love anyone who just gives you a morsel of fucking attention, even if it's abusive. it's like you get off on it or something". honestly, the jen i know and have grown to love would never blame a woman for being abused, even if she was out of her mind for being upset. she saw how judy was mistreated by steve and she always knew he was toxic, but she would never say that to judy, as if she had any guilt on it.

this scene was so raw and chaotic but it was breathtaking, in a good way. judy's "i'm not like you" and their fight in front of the house, also judy's screams, everything was on point.

and then, jen got to see something we've been noticing for the past season and this one as well. when judy's stressed or hurt, she starts self-harming. it was never brought up before but it's something to watch out for. how many times did she curse at herself and hit herself in front of mirrors? and in the car she starts hitting herself really strongly when she's asking jen to stop. now, i don't know which part of her history this has to do with but i'd really like for them to get more into this, as it seems like a great storyline.

jen watching judy sleep and putting her hair behind her ear was so gay pure and i loved this scene so much.

EPISODE 10

what jen did for her family was beautiful, even if it didn't start that well. now, about her letter to judy, i sobbed so much reading that one.

this episode said a lot about diana's humanity. her and jen's talk about their mothers showed another side of her that i really liked. and i'm a sucker for motherhood storylines, so i cried a lot during that scene.

i liked this episode a lot too. loved to see charlie so worried about his mother for once in his life, and how well judy handles things as a mother.

now this is where i get mad. the scene where jen and judy are talking outside was the perfect setting for them to confess feelings. michelle felt like something that judy needed to replace steve, so it wouldn't last anyway (me hoping that she's not showing up on season 3), and because she had that experience, now she could love jen in a healthier way, in a way that maybe she couldn't before. there were so many 'i love you's and so many hugs and touches and no kiss and i was sad.

i loved the way jen said that judy needed to learn how to say no (and also, can she please stop saying sorry all the time? she's always making herself sad to make others happy-- i can't stop seeing myself in her). and it was genius how they used this thing to make her say no to her mom, who only wanted to see her to get out of prison, it showed her strenght.

the way they picked up jen's grief for her mom was really nice, i'd also like to learn more about that in the future. we could really understand where her anger comes from and why she despises herself so much.

and, baby, let me tell you, judy hale is a GENIUS. the money inside the paintings? i never saw that coming and i was so happy watching that scene! specially when she showed jen and they held hands. :(

charlie found the letters and he's finally getting to know what actually happened to his father (i'm guessing), and i wanna see his reaction. and i'm so here for their vacation! "talk to me like lovers do!" she really just keeps playing with my heart. (and jen calling judy "judes" was really cute.)

the last scene was something. them talking about the sign and then ben hitting them because he was drunk? i wasn't expecting that. and, as i said before, liz likes a good cliffhanger, but this one didn't seem that harsh. if she wanted to, she could've just left us in the dark about whether jen was alive or not, but she didn't, and i appreciated that.

i still don't know if this leaves room for another big storyline, maybe this should be something to be solved in the first two episodes of season three so they could jump into something more exciting, i don't know.

"i love you more than wine. thank you for loving me and our boys."

OVERALL THOUGHTS

i liked this season a lot. it felt a lot different from season one, the settings, the air. it was a bit more chaotic, i must say, and i do think they could've maybe chilled for a little bit and left the high point of stress being only on episodes 9 and 10. literally, everything was happening, all the time, and the only time they had to breathe was when they went dancing that night.

there was a shift in my feelings, for sure. last season i picked up on a lot of judy's mistakes and things she did that bothered me. this season, i did that more with jen, but i still love them so much istg i'd die for them (not to sound dramatic or anything lmao). it's just that last season i identified a lot more with jen's anger and behaviors, and in this one a saw a lot of myself in judy, and that might've prevented me from criticizing them as much in their respective moments.

i love this show to death, and i'm just waiting for award nominations that i'm sure will come. let's just hope that, this year, they also acknowledge linda's brilliant acting and even give both of them some awards.

this is me, (im)patiently waiting for a season 3 confirmation and i'm sure i'm just gonna rewatch everything for the next year like i did with season one.

i needed to talk about this season, and twitter doesn't give me enough space to do that, but this is not something i usually do. if you read all of this, you're brave, and i'm thankful for your attention.

now, can liz please make judy and jen girlfriends?

[namjoonchronicles]

happy new year beautiful, i'm here to spread some love!!! in celebration of 2019 tag your 19 favorite blogs/mutuals 🎉

you did not just tell me to tag people I love, i have like a lot. Happy new year my sweets, may you be blessed with good health, enormous wealth, graduate, get a job, give yourself a gift (me), sleep better, eat better (pls i cannot stress on this enough!), get you a spa day by yourself, and just treat yourself… start the year with a de-stress, we have 364 days to go… 

here’s my favourite people who run such magnificent blogs and people I have to talk to, on regular basis like taking my non-existent anti-depression pills:

@namjoonslion​ you knew you’re gonna get tagged, abby don’t even try to deny, and I probably never tell you how much you meant to me a lot, but I really do appreciate you, I love the spirits you have and our overall nothing-can-go-wrong VS but-it-might contra is something I hold dearly and I’m not sure why it worked out this long. We’re like Sadness & Joy pair in Disney Pixar’s Inside Out. And that’s just so cute now that I think of it. You walked into my life one day, and it’s like the sun came out. I feel like you’d give the best hug because you’re tol and I’m smol@magical-warlock​ my pisces, demi darling whom I love and rarely talk to nowadays, you always know how to cheer me up with some random ass text post of cute sayings and marvel things and I’m just wanting to catapult myself to Holland every time you send me a picture of your town. It’s honestly the best town that fits me. I would walk days with you and talk and hold hands, sigh. We shared a lot of stories together, and I feel like we’re both undergoing something very tough, I always know you have my back and you’ll have mine. Being associated to you is the best things that happened in my years in Tumblr and I truly mean it when I say I care about you.

@minseoltanggi​ baby fish! bat, you are by far the closest one to me of all my tumblr friends because we live in the same country and you’ve seen my face before. You are adorable af and I hope you don’t be scared of turning 15 soon, it’s an experience, you have to embrace it as you go and don’t worry too much. You are a smart little girl and have many potentials, so don’t let your fears shackle you down to earth because I want to see you be that Astronomy expert you wanted to become! And if you changed your mind mid-way that’s fine, too. I’m sorry that I can’t get on tumblr as often as I’d like and message you. I do hope your blankets are warm and your pillows are soft, every night. 

@luciddrugs​ same age dudette, Alexa! I know we’ve not been acquainted until the last few months of 2018 and dare I say, you’re by far the most passionate blossoming ARMY I have ever met. You desire to know and understand Hoseok is beyond me, like wow, you helped me see another side of Hoseok and that’s something not many people could have done, and I sort of understand when you spazzed about him not getting a lot of attention, because TRUE DAT. I mean look at my man Namjoon, these two gets push back along with Jin sometimes and it saddens me. having another hyungline stan is ultimately a blessing, like, thank you for SCREAMING HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HOBI BECAUSE GURL YASSSSSSS… /two idiots screaming in the middles of the sea–flashbacks lmao)

@fangirlaholicxx​ Divvie. My other gun. My right-hand women. If yall read my writings i can’t say crappy anymore because that would be an insult to Div’s work  its her you should thank, my writings starting from Catching Fire, was proof read by her. And if I don’t get Div squealing, don’t bet I’ll release any of the fics. She’s my fuel, my gasoline, she keeps me going, and is my personal cheerleader. She makes great moodboards and it’s a matter of time until she ripens to her full form and bless us with her endless creative tendencies, just watch. I love her…so much. I don’t think she knows that. Thanks for catching me when I fall. /seals love letter with a heart wax/

@submissive-bangtan​ caro, caro, CARO! I love your brain and the intricate words you use. You know a whole world I didn’t know about and it’s because of you I’ve learned new things. You’re always so generous with your knowledge and following you was the best thing I’ve ever done? Like I came as a sub bts enthusiast (a dying clan) and pledge loyalty, but you gave me a Pandora box of tricks and passion. I think you’re super cool and I’m always so shy to make first move, so when you answered my tags, it makes my heart bloom? Can someone have that much power? Germans, I tell you…sigh.

@yourladyhobi18​ Luisa 💞🌹 we never actually spoke but endlessly tagging each other on posts of our knights and saviours, sometimes without context and we do it like it’s the most natural thing in the world and honestly I desired this kind of connection for the longest time, and I never knew I needed it until you came. I guess this is how two shy people become friends lmao.

@majestikblue​ you are a very mysterious one. You come unexpected and return when you desired. You always sends the nicest text out of nowhere and I’m always smiling when I see your texts?? Like how do you always know me going through tough times, did you put a camera on me?? Should I be staring at the corners so you could see me kiss you or what? I don’t even catch your name, and I don’t think I’ve ever asked…what kind of friendship is this, Anissa? I just want to say I appreciate you and your existence, please don’t ever change.

@lovethyfandoms2​ how could I forget you and Digby when you’re the first person to actually come and talk to me. I know you’re super busy at college now, and I wish you all the best. I hold the memories and conversations we had, close to my heart and will never forget them. Happy New Year, Josie. And it all began with a random ass link you accidently sent me haha, I remembered that lmao, I was so confused. Do all friendship began this weird though, I wonder haha! Josie, survive made it out 2018! Woo woo!

Nothing less important, in fact! Very important people that I cannot possibly forget ever, is my lovelies, whom I dearly appreciate and desire to protect forever and always, may this year bring you more positive hopes and help you dream, gives you something to smile for, and I have nothing else to offer but my stories and the comfort they bring, but should you feel the need to talk to me, come any time…

@rapmooni @tinyjjks @kai-tashi @monosgf @babybee05 @leesuzy09 @seokjins-epiphany @hobi-isadaydream @zynnami @verracotta @joonraw @seoulso @bloodyspell​ @8xxakiraxx8​ @therealredraven​ @ursulabtslover​ @triviamang​ 

I plan to make a separate post for this, and have more affectionate things to say, but if you’re not mentioned here, please don’t feel upset… I know most of you hide behind the comfort of an anon, and that’s okay. But If you’re reading this and felt like you are invincible? You’re not, I see you, I recognise you. And I appreciate every each and every one of you. I keep you in my thoughts when I see you reblog my writings and say nice things in the tags, and when you like my drunk depressive posts. I know you guys are wonderful people with good hearts. You’re the REAL reason why I began, continue and desire to write, I hope I’ll be able to do more in the future. I have so many more people to thank, and I’d personally shake each of your hands and give you a hug if I could and know your face. 

Thank you for seeing me, thank you for noticing me, thank you for listening to my stories. Thank you for a wholesome end of 2018 and here’s to a beautiful start in 2019. 🥂 (i’m buying sodas and pizzas for us all) happy fucking new year babes