#i'm gonna. get those ones i haven't built yet. and build them when i get my own apartment. so i have fun decorations 🧐

[daz4i]

lego store in my country doing a big sale right before my birthday is so mean. i still have sets i got for my last birthday that i haven't built yet come on man don't tempt me. or my loved ones who are trying to think what to get me

[ravenadottir]

drag race: boys edition

we had gender bent edits, we had paralell universes, and i'm not sure if someone has done this, but in case it hasn't, here it is. did i need to do this? yes, yes i did. enjoy!

[listen, i saw a video from runner eye and if i can't stop thinking about it, you have to be the ones to be punished by it, i don't make the rules.]

roberta mckenzie. a comedy queen from glasgow. she loves the audience, mostly working up the patreons in hopes to find a gold mine of weird info dump, enough to make the rest of the bar laugh. is the makeup rough? yes, very much so. is the material roast winning? not exactly... but she's new to the game and is trying her best. plus, her outfits pay homage to jamaican patterns every chance she has and most of us enchanted by the charisma and bad puns.

rhonda. one-name-only for a one-personality-only and that is... snake! she's the one pretending to be zen and "i don't do drama" but has the most snake rattle sound effects during her confessionals. she also tries to steal henrietta hotts from luna kohko, and the audience saw it from A MILE AWAY. unsuccessfully of course... HAVE YOU SEEN LUNA? she's the trade of the season.

kassandra. she dj's on the weekends all mounted in silver gowns and small boobie bibs (as she calls them despite being annoyed other people refer to them as that). kassandra has issues with everyone that ISN'T doing recreational drugs at her gigs and call them "stiffs" for it. however, despite looking and sounding harsh... well, that's about it. there's a reason she and luna get along so well!

glitter renell. "a traditional drag queen" according to herself, and to new queens it only means "my uncle in a wig with a rough and patchy makeup work and plastic-ey wigs". the only queen not wearing "fantasy" by britney but who's noticing?? her special number involves ripping off the sleeves of her outfits and revealing MASSIVE biceps, but often times they pop off on their own. got the magic mike title of the season.

ingrid. she's a "sporty type of queen", has multiple tricks with golf clubs, and despite having a couple of head hitting tricks in her history, she tries her best. it sometimes can serve her as a pole to drop to the ground in a split and honestly? work. ingrid is considered one of the hottest and cutest since her shyness brings a different glow to her eyes, which are LOST in pink glitter and magical rainbow shaped makeup. she dares and we love it, leave her alone.

luna kohko. this is a SEASONED queen, alright? makeup on point, fashion in place, attitude to donate, and walking the runway like she built that shit. however, when it comes to friendships in the werk room... don't speak, don't come near, don't come around... in fact, don't come at all. luna doesn't waste time with phony queens and prefers things exactly the opposite of her: straight. she's a lesbian, which means she loves dating drag queens, and since entering the show she has a LIVE AND THRIVE romance with the innocent henrietta hotts. "if that crusty fucking hippie so much as breathes the same air as henrietta again, we're gonna have a fucking problem, yeah? i've seen her lurking the machines trying to strike up a conversation about climbing. there's only one building henrietta is gonna climb and it's not a limp one."

noelle waves. "we have a wall of fabric in that werk room and you continue to come out in swim suits. STOP - RELYING - ON - THAT - BODY". she's a bit reserved most of the time, but if the "girls are fighting", she's the first to step up and play MOTHER. the public likes her, but she's not exactly winning challenges. "safe" defines noelle better than "creative" or "winner", but she tries and helps everyone during challenges.

henrietta hotts. THIS GIRL HAS IT, OK? her signature look is the red lipstick and the blonde wig, and with those beautiful freckles, her persona is very much the girl next door. it makes the judges go "i feel like i haven't met henrietta yet, and i know there's someone in there that needs to... ROAR. also, baby... you need more makeup." is she the smartest? no. is she the most problem-solving? no. is she the most graceful? YOU BET HER ASS COVERED IN GLITTER SHE FUCKING IS.

graham cracker. ANOTHER UNCLE IN A WIG. barely knows how to walk in heels and is giving kim chi vibes. however, because of her leadership skills (which are not comparable to noelle's) she does manage to maintain her position for a while since most of the girls are lowkey scared of her. she's unpredictable and most of the contestants suspect she's straight.

carlota miranda. THIS IS THE MOST EXTROVERTED QUEEN ON THE RUNWAY, however, the boom mic needs to enter her throat to pick up what she's saying due to her bashfulness. not a fighter type but if someone comes for her???? she'll definitely... apologize for it. "fuck, don't fight" is her motto, followed by a timid little giggle since she tries not to curse. her style is "executive realness" but covered in crystals and diamonds. "it's either a mugler or nothing, babes. i don't have time to look like cel. sanders..."

felicia butterfly. annoying as alyssa edwards and untalented as... well, [REDACTED WINNER OF SEASON 4]. she's a one trick poney and the trick is... well, the public and the production are still trying to find it but in the mean time she becomes the bud of the joke. it's kind of entertaining watching her trying to understand anything in the werk room. it gets old but... she leaves pretty soon, so no problem there.

doge style. always wearing dogs' styles on her wigs, it's her signature. the poodle poof is AMAZING. she also becomes friends with everybody, particularly with the nervous ones, like carlota and henrietta since doge's hugs are infallible to relax the girls in situations of stress. she sometimes lets a facial hair look take over if the look calls for it, while the others are afraid of embracing it. "i'm not a woman impersonator, i'm just creative, get over it!" she has a HUGE CRUSH ON ELLA FAME, and it's reciprocated. rumour has it they fucked on the first week and are already planning a getaway.

ella fame. the most exquisite wigs in the werk room NO QUESTIONS ASKED. has beef with gigi goode for the title of best hair styles, but since her house is older and richer, she thinks she has a better chance to win this one pool on twitter. overall, ella has a walk to kill for, one that graham cracker has been trying to learn since day one. "i got it from naomi... you either know it... or you dont." she tells and retells the time she walked the same runway as naomi, even though everyone keeps reminding her that it happened as elijah, not as ella, but as she says in the confessional: "these bitches are so fucking jealous they're causing me intern wrinkles.".

jacoba zabinski. she's not very creative, doesn't have an interesting name, doesn't know how to walk differently than a constipated bear and doesn't know how to wear a wig. to be fair, she's only in the show to get clout for her male persona, jakub. bodybuilding is not paying off since his scandals in multiple gyms for his part time job as an instructor. so instagram shit tea and self taner brands have been the bread winning besides being the biggest bitch in the room. she enters the porkchop hall of fame. OBVIOUSLY.

[the-moon-will-mourn]

now i haven't finished the dream thieves yet (i'm like,,, 7 chapters away from finishing) and i think this may contain spoilers???? but i'm not too sure yet. i'm basically gonna word vomit. i'm sorry for not using any quotes, i wish i could but i only have the ebook version and a very limited storage space on my phone where i can only have ~two books downloaded

like a normal person, i enjoy listening to video essays, see what creators want to explain to their audience and leave with a certain view, try to come to my own arguments about certain points in the videos, see if i can apply some points to other aspects of my life etc etc. (this was the type of shi that helped me with my eng lit essays rip i miss alevels) and like a normal british citizen i looked up stuff about classism in the uk. in the end, i found a video essay about classism in general and how the ultra rich try to mimic being poor to get away from their hard issues that comes with being rich (which, frankly, is probably a lot less compared to someone who is working class).

recently, i was talking to my friend about specifics in the book about certain characters and i remember we went onto the convo of making music playlists for the characters. they said "it's gonna be hard for adam [...] cuz his whole thing is about being unknowable" and it always struck me with how unknowable he truly is when reading his character because his character is intrinsically linked to his working class background. (context: i'm a middle class child of immigrants who built themselves in the uk)

it's very clear the kind of social commentary stiefvater wanted to make using adam's character with how isolating and alienating it can be coming from a working class background trying to assimilate yourself into a society of those protected and privileged enough to not have any problems with accessing opportunities. how class is a huge obstacle between interpersonal relationships and feeling safe enough to be vulnerable with your issues with being working class. how difference in class can cause one-sided shame because of the meritocratic society we're living in. how, no matter how much money you earn or how many connections you can make, your attachment to your working class identity can be enough reason to aim for something supernaturally larger than yourself.

it's evident that other characters overlook adam's social class because he's a "self-made man" (or smth) and mainly because he's their friend: adam. however, when we get a chapter in his pov, class is a driving factor in how he interacts and views everyone. we can see the privilege gansey and ronan have for being able to not even consider class as an intimidating aspect about themselves to a normal person, but it's everything to adam in the sense that he feels like his earned money doesn't give him access to a similar respect.

now that i truly think about it, it was a good idea for adam not to join them in monmouth manufacturing because it just feels like they're... mocking him in an indirect way? they have the ability to choose to live in a nice place and instead chose to live in a random, run-down building because it seemed aesthetic. adam was forced to live in a rundown trailer because that's all they could have afforded. i know gansey had good intentions for wanting adam to join them, but everything that he likes as an aesthetic (monmouth manufacturing, the run-down camaro, eating mint leaves instead of gum) can seem like he's flaunting the fact he can choose that lifestyle without any consequences.

back to the point of the meritocratic society (which we usually assume in books that take place in a similar world as our own) creating shame because of their class: the assumption that because someone has worked hard to earn what they have gives them a right to be proud. but this is the opposite for adam as he fights with the fact that he could have maybe be seen as even more equal to gansey if he had just been born with wealth.

we can frame it as, maybe, despite gansey's desire to appear working class, it only broadens the distance between him and adam. it only worsens adam's difficult relationship with his class shame despite probably wanting to be more relatable or even laid-back.

when reading the second book after his sacrifice, i was confused as to why adam was so un-adam-like. i mean, in the first book i didn't really understand him because of his huge insistance that his class makes him inherently inferior to everyone he surrounds himself with and i don't see class as an issue myself.

however, his sacrifice basically was watering the seed of ambition that was planted when he decided to aim for aglionby. it becamse clearer to me how much this opportunity to be superior, even if it's supernatural and terrifying, is important for him understanding in what he thinks he lacks. by those thoughts of what he lacks, he thought that this chance to be cabeswater's channel could be a way to compensate for his inferior social class. or something.

anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk. this is not proofread, and my sister keeps nagging at me to shower. also i simp for gansey do not think this is me trying mischaracterising him i'm just trying to understand the theme of class in this series and having gansey as a figure to compare to is literally integral.

[108garys]

Manny Sherman dialogue transcribed

I really enjoyed transcribing the little hope puritan dialogue a bit ago despite it being one heck of an undertaking and I've always wanted to do a similar thing on a much smaller scale(this time) so as an afternoon task I pulled up a video of the four Sherman tapes and typed out his on screen dialogue, it'll be good for writing him and better understanding his vocabulary and maybe some time around I'll do something a little more substantial like Randolph Hodgson's journal but that aside I feel Sherman's dialogue flows really well and does a great job with characterisation, can you believe there's barely more than a thousand words from him all up? Regardless I've tried to follow the in game captions on the video which can be a little hard at times due to white text on a grey background with the occasional white detail obscuring stuff but I believe I got it at least 99% accurate and beyond that I added in places in brackets that he laughed but not the uncaptioned sounds of him getting his ass kicked because I thought one added something and the other wouldn't(and here's the video I used)

(interrogation - tape 1)

Manny Sherman. Born January one. Nineteen fifty-six.

Come on, you already know all this. What do you want?

What's this?… Huh… You've been doing your research, haven't you Special Agent Munday?

What are my favorite television programs?

Describe my first pet.

What were your friends like as a child?

What is this?!

You taking a survey or you trying to learn something?

Would it kill you to be direct?

You wanted to know what inspired me? As if I wasn't an original?

Well… maybe there was one man I found myself a little fascinated by.

Henry. Howard. Holmes.

Why? Because he was numero uno.

America's first. The guy invented the trade. He set the benchmark, you know?

Learn your history, Munday. Read a book.

You think because I stuck a blade in some people and get off on it I'm not smart?

I, heh… 'allegedly'… killed 13 people before you got smart enough to find me…

__

(interrogation - tape 2)

…had to build my own little castle, just like Holmes did.

Most people like me do their business where their target lives. That's just asking to get caught.

Holmes had the right idea. It was all about the honeytrap.

You bring me some smokes? Like I asked?

Lucky Reds? Yes! These are like gold in here. Damn that's good. So yeah, the honey pot.

Holmes built a hotel about a mile from the World's Fair and CALLED it the World's Fair Hotel and bought ad space in the papers alongside ads for the expo.

Rubes from far and wide assumed it was the official hotel!

Ma and Pa Kettle take a train in from Nebraska, takes three days, they roll up into that joint ready to rest, get to their room… and whoops- what do ya know… Holmes had a gas pipe hidden under the bed and poisons them.

Or maybe he pulls a trap door on them.

Maybe he separates them and makes one watch through a window while he slits the other's throat.

That's the advantage of a honey pot: no shortage of targets.

That's why I picked all those houses north of the airport.

That whole neighborhood was scheduled for demolition and yet…

All those lovely realtor ladies must not have gotten the memo.

Call up as a contractor, tell them I'm flipping, have them meet me out there… and look at that… we're the only two people for miles.

The first couple times I'd wait for a plane to fly over, just to hide their screams, but…

after a while I realized they could scream as loud as they wanted.

No one was gonna hear a thing.

That's what I remember most.

Those screams.

You can try to understand why I am the way I am. You can forensic science up all the data you want.

But you'll never know… You'll never know, Munday… You'll never really know how it feels when you watch the fire burn out of somebody.

__

(interrogation - tape 3)

(laughter)

A whole carton this time? You trying to get on my good side or something?

Think I'll save them.

What? No questions? What's going on with you, Munday?

You seem different.

(laughter) I see that that glimmer in your eye, you little devil.

I can keep secrets, man… we all have them.

That prosecutor is trying to get numbers out of me. Know that?

Of course you know that. Numbers. They got Holmes for 27… but we know he was closer to 200, right?

Can you imagine that? I wish I'd had the time to try and beat that.

Sure they know about those nice realtor ladies… they got families after all.

But the numbers the D.A. is asking me about… I think he knows there's some people out there- rejects… misfits… the kind of people that when you see them coming you look the other way.

Does anyone notice if they go missing?

My father always told me to leave my mark on the world.

I never knew what he meant by that- not until I watched that first girl bleed out.

I call it art. That's my signature on society.

It's not murder, it's an aesthetic response to what this has world made me.

Ask people to list killers, and they'll drop five, ten on you before they can't think of any more.

Ask them to name the detectives that caught those killers- no one is going to say a damn thing.

No one knows them. No one cares.

No one makes movies about them.

No one puts their faces on t-shirts.

No one gives a shit.

(quiet chuckle)

I've left my mark on the world…

…have you?

__

(interrogation - tape 4)

You want to know what it means to be a killer?

You ever been to the art museum downtown?

They got this painting by a guy… forgot his name. Famous painter.

He did portraits of slaughtered cows hanging on hooks.

You take a normal person to a slaughterhouse and they will puke their guts out.

You make it into a painting and suddenly it's art.

There's no difference between the two. Not really.

Don't look at me like that. You know I'm right.

You get it. I know you get it.

You got to do something that matters. Make people feel something they've never felt before.

Shatter the illusion that any of us are really in control.

Think of the most profound thing you've ever done… the most beautiful thing you've ever created… and I promise you… it's nothing compared to watching the life bleed out of someone.

To see the fear in their eyes, to feel them pawing at you for release, to hear them pleading- begging…

That moment when someone realizes they are at their end…

That's when you feel it. That's true art.

That's what you have to be- an artist… a sculptor… an architect.

I see the gleam in your eye, Agent Munday, You're not fooling me.

Oh, look at you now, huh?

Am I going to be your first?

Well come on then- I'm right here.

This room is soundproof- you don't even have to wait for a plane to fly overhead.

There… There you are… I see you now.

Not bad… not bad at all.

Bare hands can feel good, huh?

But the blade makes for such a prettier picture.

You've got potential. Agent Munday…

If you truly want to be an artist.

__

@kassiekole22 @delurkr @ctrvpani @aydeenchan

@tinynightmarewoman @kindheartedgummybears @mybrainrotforreal (Know idea as ever with this character on who'd be interested in this but it was a good exercise at any rate)

[cupuasu]

loooove december break!! i genuinely thought this was one of the most mentally exhausting semesters of my life. it felt like it was never ending yet at the same time like i had 100000 things to do and send it over to the professors like yesterday. and i have never been so bad at communication as i was the past 6 months. i'd forget to say things and when i could say them i chose not to. literally snowballed itself into horrible hurried projects. it all started so chill i literally didn't worry that 1) laptop wasnt working 2) only signed in for two classes 3) i needed to change my table and chair because my back is RUINED. of course that all got solved along the way but it'd be easier if i had fixed those three things back in july break, i think i'm a masochist when it comes to things like this, i see the whip coming and i just stand there motionless. like as soon as it was 12:01 02/12/2023 i felt like i needed to scream freedom lol

then these days honestly i didn't even feel anything at all (other than that temporary extreme relief that it was over). because it just all feels so pointless. i will go thru all of this again next semester because i'm already fucking up now (signed for classes i know i can't handle because everyone tells me "i need to challenge myself if i want to get better", signed for mandatory unpaid internship as if the PAID one i did last year didn't absolutely kill me). part of me just wants to finish this stupid fucking shit by next year (impossible bc i still have like 20 classes left to do). i love architecture but university really sucks your soul out. they (society and the job market) kill your inspiration then they kill your will to live. i look around this city and everything is so ugly and useless and not functional and it tries so hard to look clean and modern it ends up just being fake and empty. if i go into private stuff i'll get insane clients that'll want the ugliest dumbest shit ever built, if i go into the public one the government has no sense of self and just tries to copy whatever's trending on the southeast/south or usa/europe as if it would work or as if they had money. like jesus christ think locally. all these ugly glass boxy buildings are gonna be the end of us, these dumb empty parks are doing more harm than good, stop restoring historical buildings if you're just gonna abandon them again. if i see anything in a beige palette i go in a rabid rage like where is the life where's the originality? sure overly-regional things can be cringe and people in the north and especially in my city have a terminal case of vira-latice. ideally i'd have started uni in 2017 and finished it in 2021 and moved on to whatever the future may hold but im MENTALLY ILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!! did 2 semesters then took a gap year then came back to uni and i'm just as lost as i felt in 2017. I FEEL STUCK IN TIME!!!!!! sure if i had done it "normally" i wouldn't even be here because i would have For Real killed myself. to be quite honest i didn't even think i was gonna make it past 13 years old and here i am 10 years later pushing thru it and all i got from it is that i should've thrown myself out of the damn 15th floor of a building when i had the chance in 2013. like genuinely genuinely speaking whenever i look around whenever i go out society and the world just seems to get worse. i can still see beauty in some things but it feels like staring at a small flower in a world where everything is destroyed. i can distract myself as much as i want to but the sense of doom and the sense of me being a waste of a life NEVER goes away.

and on the topic of distractions i have been using my phone so much it's making my brain go insane so i'm trying to not use it as much (12h screentime.....) sadly i haven't been able to focus on drawing or reading or writing or doing anything that is "by me for me" because i cannot focus. i feel soulless yet so depressed. seeing dead bodies and people fighting and suffering so hard just to live daily definitely made it worse but i feel bad saying that because it's like 'oh no this horrible thing is happening and i can't do anything except watch' bc there's ppl Going thru that horrible thing. i will always have an undying respect for palestinians and i think in fact watching all this made me realise how resiliant and strong ppl can be. and also how evil some ppl can be, i have never seen someone as inhuman as z**nists like the more i learn the angrier i get. and this is silly but sites like twitter (for me at least) there were a endless stream of them. no matter how many i blocked there would always be more. here at tumblr i guess i curated my dash very well and i don't use the for you tab here so i don't see them at all (thank god). yet you'll always find out someome at staff is a z**nist or something like that (same happens in other sites) and it's wow no matter how good my dash/timeline is these are all still a morally failed site owned and/or run by losers and i wish i wasn't as chronically online so i'd delete every account on every website and never use the internet again.

the only thing that has made me sort of zone out and forget life is gaming. i've been playing stardew valley like my life depends on it and sadly i can't even put mods on switch so i'm genuinely #grinding. i'm on year two winter and i got so much stuff already (my first time playing had me on year four fall and i didn't have half of what i have now). also last month my mom bought ssd cards for our laptops and i was able to redownload genshin so i'm playing it a lot again. i really missed kazuha and xinyan i feel like i have a slight delusion thing where characters genuinely bring me joy. also i haven't played genshin in sooooo long my hands forgot how to use the keyboard (and i've been losing fine motor skills lately but i'll talk about that later) and i was so used to playing zelda that i mixed up some of the world dynamics. i'd be like where are the sky islands i need to look at the map from above, why can't i mark things far away with a camera so i can check later, how do i see hero's path i need to know if i've been here before, why is it so hard to aim, why can't i parry, why don't the enemies drop decent loot. and also i'd be annoyed by common genshin stuff like the endless amount of text and dialogue like my GOD let me skip. i don't care!!!! i stopped reading text after the raiden shogun quest now i just skip everything!!!! why are the cutscenes so boring!!!!! why is every archon quest the same!!!!! but i love open world games. i love long quests. i love exploring. i love puzzles. hate the gacha system though. i haven't played in over a year and i thought when i'd come back there'd be 27827383 notifications and primogems STACKED for me to use and yet i wasnt surprised when there wasn't anything bc mihoyo is the worst company on earth and capitalism is the end of us. kinda sad i missed the birthday event and lost a cute fontaine companion though. by the way the flying and diving system is so broken (to me at least) and it's sooooo uncomfortable. my fingers are on the WASD keys and the space key and the shift like jesus christ this sucks. i got too used to using the switch and having a controller and the gyroscope and the comfort of it all lol.

the fine motor skills worsening started this year i think. i can't pinpoint exactly why or when but i think it was a mix of a bunch of things. i've been sedentary my whole life so my bones and joints are all fucked. i've been sitting ans standing wrong my whole life and my bones/muscles just adapted to it so now when i try to fix it, it hurts like hell. i'm pretty sure one of my legs is way shorter than the other. back to my fingers, i noticed that i wasnt able to type on my phone as fast as i did in the past. couldn't move them that fast anymore. felt like there was some sort of lag or glitch on the brain-to-hand connection. didn't pay much attention to that cos who cares how fast i can type. then i wasnt able to type on a keyboard properly, then not able to hold things properly, and now my hands just feel sort of numb and/or slow compared to before. fine for me though, i feel like i need to slow down when i do projects or when i'm gaming. i always get too much into it (and often at the last minute) then my body pays the price. the last project this semester had me up for 2 days and on the verge of an psychotic episode for another 4.

oh and to top it all off my laptop hard drive decided to kill itself in the middle of the semester. it was showing signs of giving up waaaay before that and i didn't know any better and didn't look into it. i'm still very hurt over it. there were SO many photos and SO many videos and documents and audios and music. my lifetime was there. and now it's gone and i still can't believe it. so mamy personal moments and also a lot of work i made and collected just gone forever in the void that is technology. i will never be able to see the baby pictures of my dogs and i won't be able to see the videos i took when i traveled with my family and i won't be able to read things i wrote when i was 13 and i won't be able to see pictures of myself growing up over the years and i wont be able to see all the pictures i saved of my online friends and i wont be able to listen to all the music i downloaded or watch the movies i downloaded or read those pdfs and i won't be able to use the billion autocad blocks that took me years to organize and i won't be able to make a portfolio bc my work and the proof of its existence is not there and i wont be able to play the games i had in those specific save files...... its like it never existed. like i have never felt a loss like this in my entire life. literally my burning of alexandria lol they will always exist on my mind of course, but i must also be experiencing some sort of early on set dementia because i forget EVERYTHING unless it's in front of me. so there's also the loss of the loss because everything i had in that hard drive died and it will also die in my memories.

and my phone fell last month i think and now the camera app doesn't open and i havent been able to take pictures. it's funny cos after i had my iphone stolen in 2019 and had to buy the one i have now (cheap and low quality) i thought i stopped taking pictures of everything. but man these days made me realise i unconsciously photograph things. i try to open my camera almost by muscle memory then watch it close itself and glitch. now i've been trying to write things down or just memorize them, which has been hard bc of my hands and my bad brain. but it's fun. analog almost. i get to appreciate and look at things more carefully with my own two eyes now instead of "ill take a pic and look at it later". and man, is the sky beautiful!!! the leaves are beautiful, the sky is beautiful!!! even the ants on the ground are!!

and its kinda early, but i do feel my body age also. probs due to me being unhealthy and normally old = sick. my back hurts so bad for sitting and standing and existing and sitting on a bad chair on a bad table for years, im really glad for being able 2 go the doc and get physio therapy and my posture fixed. i want a tank to make me flat cartoon style, that'd fix my pain!!! my posture doc kinda is weirded out by me (im too hairy and too awkward) but the therapist doesnt care at all. theyve really be relieving my shoulder pain, i wonder if there's still a way to fix it... itd be genuinely life saving

[aviatrix-ash]

Thinking about planes again :'3

Lots of derailed and detailed thoughts about planes below. :'))

I have so many ideas for upgrades for the Ultra Pup to make it one epic little STOL plane. I'm thinking, slapping on that Super Beetle motor (or maybe 100hp Rotax or equivalent- this thing's statistically already a rocket with just it's 65HP) onto a beefed up engine mount (the guy who built this bird installed the wrong engine mount. Shape wise it's designed to withstand the kick of just the halved VW 2 cylinder VW motor, but this bird has the full sized one, which luckily has had it's power reduced so it shouldn't harm it's current mount too much. But if it had just a little bit more power to it I'd want to make a mount that's better capable of handling the big torque these car engines make at start up.

Oh and I'm thinking of putting in a composite electrically controlled variable pitch (constant speed too i think?) prop. ... in the future tho. Gonna start with a simple wood prop since they're lots cheaper & help absorb the high vibration produced by the VW engine. But a constant speed one I think would help reduce some stress on the engine, which for a 60+ year old car engine being made to run at stupid high RPMs for hours and hours (Yah cars do go fast and can hit those high RPMs without issue- but unless they're a NASCAR running around the tracks nonstop, cars typically don't run at those RPMs for long.) And car engines converted to plane engines typically have a much much higher RPM than a standard plane engine. But a good plane engine is out of touch for the foreseeable future as unless you can find a damn good deal from an old retired or dead pilot or mechanic (they do exist, Barnstormers had a sweet deal for 2 project Cubs & 4 Lycomings the other week- if I had the space, ability & $$ I'd have jumped on it 😤) but normally a working low time engine is incredibly expensive. Those days will come tho, when I finish my Powerplant license, save some cash for side project, then I can overhaul them myself. 😌

Oh yah, back to the Ultra Pup. Back when I 1st started this restoration, I wanted to make it old school analog. But I now understand how unreliable instrument vaccum pumps can be. But I'll 1st start off with some analog stuff powered by a the venturi (yup, going old-school with 1920s aviation technology 😌💕) since I've got most of the parts to do it. But eventually I'll rig it up with a proper electrical system and the little bird will get some modern solid state goodies + some LED navigation lights so I can fly at night. I mean, even tho it was designed to be an ultralight, mine was built with long range tanks and is capable of flying cross country. From what I hear from other pilots in my area (my Pup's kinda famous for some reason among the EAA guys here. They haven't given me many details yet but they all know my bird??😅) the last owner used to fly this bird all over the US. Dude made lots of trips from North Carolina to Florida and even to Wisconsin with this flying Volkswagen. It gives me a little more assurance (in I can rebuild this plane- seeing the previous builder's quality 😅)that this can actually be a cheap/affordable yet reliable little airplane. I really hope I can get it airworthy and not only build flight time & experience with it, but maybe in the future I'll get my CFI rating and continue the Ultra Pup's legacy in teaching people how to fly a taildragger. But the former will probably only happen after I can get on my feet in the industry, the FAA recently made it so CFIs can't make any money instructing in an Experimental. But hey, aviation is supposed to be fun anyways, experimentals and ultralights especially, when I can get on my feet, I probably would be a okay doing it just for fun. :3

Bleh just wanna get done with school already and get to working on planes for real. I have things I wanna do but they all require money and this aviator is broke broke cause plane fixing school eats all my time rn. :'))

[lytmeowtif]

Calamari Inkantation is a Big Deal.

Splatoon 3's campaign has a WHOLE LOT of lore in it, a metric fuckload, and in there are some tidbits that make me really REALLY emotional. But one major facet of the backstory 3 introduces retroactively makes the climaxes of both Splatoon 1 and 2 resonate with me so, so much more.

This is gonna be super super detailed and has MAJOR spoilers for Splatoon 3's campaign, so don't click Read More until you've gotten all the logs! (except the postgame one, I haven't read it yet lol)

So. to get to Calamari Inkantation we first have to discuss literally all of the Alterna Logs and the backstory they present. Namely, we have to talk about the liquid crystals, and about humanity's desire for freedom.

The small pocket of humans that escape the effective end of the world take refuge and build their new home inside a flooded volcano crater. They survive by eating the sea life already living in that crater, particularly the squids and octopi. They manage to build a thriving society, and are safe in their cavernous home of Alterna. But they always long for more. They miss the outside world dearly.

They discover that they can make liquid crystals out of the body fluids of the cephalopods native to the crater's waters. When screens are made using those crystals, like modern LCD displays, they react to the thoughts and emotions of those near them. They set them up throughout the entire cavern, covering the walls and roof completely.

Those crystals could display anything, anything at ALL that humanity had on its mind. But the desire to return home to the surface is so strong - so overwhelming - that every single liquid crystal reacted to it and let them see the sky they longed for, the sky that they had been without for 25 long years.

Humanity of course fucks up, and the crystals all overload when humanity tries to escape their tunnel system via rocket and cave in almost everything, destroying Alternan society.

But their desire doesn't fade with them. Their desperate need to see the sky, their longing to escape out into the world again, is still stored in all those billions of liquid crystals which have now collapsed into the ocean. All that longing for freedom, all that desire to see the sun again, is now polluting the waters and over centuries is gradually absorbed into the sea life of Alterna.

Little-by-little, those desires become the desires of the squid and octopi and assorted sea creatures that live there, and they adapt. Their evolution is accelerated by their desperate need to see the sun and the sky.

Humanity never achieved their desire to escape the caves of Alterna. But their desperate longing was soaked up by the life of the sea, and the squid and octopi followed their new calling and found freedom. They absorbed the feelings and memory and hopes and fears of humanity and built an entire society just like the one that humans had left behind.

(From here I could diverge and talk about the tragic irony of Tartar wanting to eliminate inkling and octoling society for things that likely were also inherited from humans, but others have covered that ground.)

Instead I'm going to talk about humanity's desire for freedom, and about Calamari Inkantation.

Calamari Inkantation isn't just a really cool bop that everyone loves, written by the Squid Sisters. It borderline has magical powers; it dispels the last of Callie's mind control in Splatoon 2's story and is described as having "blown the hearts and minds" of anyone who witnessed it in Splatoon 1's finale. Marina heard it, said "This changes everything", vanished and immediately made for the surface. Agent 8 was similar, as Marina recounts:

DJ_Hyperfresh > I could tell right away that Agent 8 had also been touched by the Calamari Inkantation. DJ_Hyperfresh > Once our souls have been freed, there's no way we can continue to live under the oppression of Octarian society.

The parallels are there for sure, but how can we be sure of what's going on? This scroll from Splatoon 1:

"The customary chorus of Calamari County. Nowadays, this song and dance may as well be carved into the very DNA of all Inklings. It began as a way to celebrate and show respect for the bounty of the sea."

That heavenly melody that makes you wonder what's out there, and break past the artificial sky.

It's that same feeling, passed down for thousands of years. The longing of humanity, that desperation to escape their confines and see the sky, to break free!

It endured in Inklings and Octolings, for all of time, passed down in their blood and in their culture and song and dance, and that desire was so STRONG that hearing it in musical form was enough to bring those feelings flooding back to every Octarian and immediately make them defect and seek the surface world.

Humanity may be long gone, but their hopes and desires and dreams were so strong and rang so true that they live on even now, aeons later, withstanding the passage of time.

That's it. That's Calamari Inkantation.

[necromancelena]

I'll have you know you're feeling self obsessed and extra cute and sexy and smart and funny and hot because you vampire sucked my self esteem away. But don't feel bad, I wasn't using it, because I am none of those things.

I'm technically more succubus adjacent than vampire adjacent, but also I will let you in on a little trade secret.

Being smart? it's not a thing that someone 'is' or 'isn't', intelligence as a concept is purely fictitious and built on cultural biases. the only thing you need to be smart is to have a topic you're interested in (literally anything) and let yourself indulge in it, and eventually maybe even work up the courage to talk about it.

Being funny? Everyone is funny. If you find that you're not making people laugh it's either because those people have a sense of humour different from yours and eventually you will find a group that lines up better, or you haven't built the confidence and rapport to crack a lot of jokes yet. no one is born funny or unfunny, it's a learned skill that by and large is in the eyes of the audience more so than in the hands of the person being funny

Being hot, sexy, cute, etc? personally I find that that can be the hardest one to get over and build confidence on but like. no one is ugly. and generally speaking it's probably more important to focus on body neutrality than going for an 'everyone is beautiful' angle, I recognize that, but honestly I also feel like it's super important to mention that there IS no quantifiable standard for beauty. The shitty western standard is already so narrow and disconnected from what anyone actually sees in the people they like, and it's made even more unattainable by shifting all over the place every couple of years. I guarantee that someone will look at you and be floored by how beautiful you are to them, if there isn't someone that does that already. Allowing yourself some self respect is basically the hottest thing you can do, and even when that's not possible, allowing yourself to know that you are worthy of respect and love regardless of how you feel about your body will do you a world of good

With that said, I have also felt like how you expressed to me, basically every cruel thing you can think of a person is something that I have though myself, and I also know that in all likelihood these words probably aren't going to really sink in or like, make you start being confident and kinder to yourself because there's not a single person on this planet that that would happen to. it's all growth and healing and it takes a lot of time. I also know that there's a high chance that everything I've said is something that you already know on a logical level but still can't catch up on emotionally, which probably makes this come across as a little annoying. But I'm not the only one that thinks this way, and you're going to hear all that again from others, and sooner or later it's gonna sink in whether you like it or not. I prommy.

[sp-ud]

Tubnet lore and story theories/ideas/idfk I'm just excited and want to talk about the story cuz I haven't seen anyone else doing it yet.

Anyways, Som Corp is totally evil and if not evil definitely fucking with powers unknown for capitalistic reasons. Didn't really have any proof of this other than "its a corporation" until the Crystal Rush trailer released.

In the trailer we see a scientist guy and some kind of security loading a crystal in a container into a truck and leaving a Som Corp building.

Then it explodes and crystals start growing everywhere. The initial location is somewhere called "Clock Round Plaza" in New Block City, but the multiple maps shown later say that it spreads beyond the plaza.

Also I assumed the in-universe TubNet broadcasted the games, like in a sports channel kinda way. But here they're doing news so... we'll just have to see.

Then the scene cuts to helicopters approaching a big crystal suspended in the air.

Then we transition into gameplay footage. Not gonna talk too much about the mechanics because this isn't about those, but let's look at the 4 maps we're shown that we'll be able to play on.

First up, the one shown in the cinematic. Imma call this "Waterfall" for now

Next, we have one in a icey mountain looking area, "Snowcaps" seems like a fine name.

Then, we have one in what looks to be some sort of overgrown forest-jungle-cave area. "Statue" for the statue holding what I believe is one of the nexus' the trailer references

Finally, we have one in the middle of a town in a mesa. Calling this one "Mesa" cuz I don't have any other ideas.

So, what do I think is the story here? Som Corp totally found these huge crystals, or at the very least the Waterfall crystal, as the structures around it just give off "research center built around this weird thing we found" vibes.

Snowcaps also has a similar vibe, but it looks more rushed, like it was set up quickly. While the buildings surrounding Statue and Mesa look natural to their environment.

So I think SC scientists fucked with the Waterfall crystal, which set off all the other crystals including a sample taken from the main Waterfall crystal.

Once activated the crystals seem to cause the land to drop around them (or maybe it's always been like that?) And the crystals grow and spread, maybe as a safety mechanic to guarantee survival when under attack. So that if the main crystals are broken, the smaller ones survive and eventually could maybe grow into the bigger ones.

But basically, they clearly have some physical world altering abilities. Who else has physical world altering abilities and also has pink crystals? Craftmaster.

Now, I have a few theories of what/who Craftmaster is and his relations to the crystals.

1) another person who attempted to harness the world-altering abilities of these crystals. He was more successful than SC, but it twisted him, making him a bit of a sadist who's obsessed with making people play dangerous games against their will.

2) a being created from the crystals, by the crystals, to act as some sort of proxy for them to interact with the humans who won't leave them alone. His games are maybe either to test who's worthy of the crystals power/mercy/idfk I'm spitballing here, or a way of revenge due to the attempts of tampering done by various human groups.

3) Another experiment with the crystals by Som Corp. They tried to fuse the crystals with a person, it twisted him etc etc but this time the games are specifically to get back at SC for what they did by him.

Because it seems like the players might be SC employees, due to the fact they're being flown in for Crystal Rush to... somehow get the crystal back under control while also stopping other groups of people from getting the crystal? That bit is a bit unclear. Probably will be cleared up once we actually can play Crystal Rush.

... this is all I really got for now. If you've noticed other details or have other theories or literally anything about the TubNet lore and story please interact.

[bbugyu]

of all the views you had seen, there was little that could compare to him.

6.2k | cavalry captain!jeonghan x gn pyro!reader, genshin impact au, fluff, adventure, drinking, so much flirting, mentions of trauma, honestly this is the sweetest i'm ever gonna write jeonghan

happy inazuma release day!!! it's your local kaeya trash, because i predictably fall for gay bastards that lie straight to my face (example: jeonghan), and i'm here to give you a fic i wrote AGES ago and just polished up a bit to celebrate the release of what is likely going to be my FAVORITE region in genshin impact. i'm japanese so 😅 i have a soft spot. if there's any other gaymer carats out there, enjoy this one. if not, sorry! you can actually probably still read this and understand it for the most part, though you might miss a bit of context of the landscape and the lore.

ps. go tell @babiemingoo that wonwoo xinqiu 🤭

~

your work with the adventurer's guild was always efficient. you received your commissions, you carried them out, then returned for your reward, usually before the sun had even peaked. the rest of your day was generally spent either basking in the eternal sun of mondstadt, feeding cats in inazuma, or enjoying a hard earned meal in liyue, depending on where you decided to stay that week, finding board and paying for it with the commission you had earned that day. your tendency to wander came less from choice and more from nature - you could call yourself a nomad, but generally, you just got bored, and preferred seeing everything teyvat had to offer rather than settling in one place. adventuring was simply what you were meant to do, your mother had told you at a young age.

she, too, had wandered for most of her youth, and didn't stop just because you had come into her life. you remembered getting scooped up because you had wandered off a bit too close to the railing at wangshu inn as a toddler, playing with dogs at the docks of liyue harbor. you remembered the ludi harpastum and the first time you had ever had a sweet honey roast, and the way it made your eyes grow ten times in size before you dug in for more.

when your vision was bestowed upon you, you already knew how to use a sword. it was important, your mother told you, that you knew how to protect yourself. she had a vision as well, younger even than you had, and you had come to recognize the static in the air as a sign that she was angry - whether it was because of an altercation with someone on your journey or because you had secretly eaten the last hashbrown without consulting her first.

she used her vision and a sturdy blade she had owned since before you were born to protect the two of you on the road, but when she felt you were old enough, she taught you how to weild. a two handed weapon that was far too big for you when you were only fourteen, but when your reckless abandon got paired with a spark, you suddenly became far more dangerous than even your own mother. she scolded you for nearly starting a forest fire when you tried to pair the two skills for the first time after receiving your vision, and you both agreed that training was a beach activity from then on.

your mother settled eventually, after you were old and skilled enough to take on the road alone, pulling the many favors she had gathered in her travels to build a home in a small neighborhood south of liyue harbor, nestled in the foothills of mount tianheng, where you visited as often as your wandering allowed.

you had become much better with your vision. more careful but just as hot. quick to scan situations and strategize in the moment, hardly taking a second before jumping into action, slaying hilichurls like you were getting paid. well, you were, you supposed, but you had been doing this long before you had discovered the benefit of joining the guild. you were good at it. you were built for adventure, but revelled in leisure. there was good reason you were able to take afternoons off, and you milked every last second of it.

"you're back in town?"

you grinned, leaning your sword against the wall and dropping your bag off your shoulders before settling at the bar. "for now."

rubin often served you alcohol - when you were in mondstadt, at least, however often that may be - but never questioned you deeply. he would ask how your travels were, and listen to your stories from regions beyond his knowledge, of the cultures that he had only heard of from people like you. he enjoyed them just about as much as any, if not a little more, purely because your tenacious personality brought something more to the table. he wondered, though, how long you intended to keep living day by day, sleeping in different beds every week.

"what's wrong with sleeping in different beds?" you teased, laughing into your wine glass. "if i didn't know any better, i'd think you were shaming me, rube."

rubin simply laughed, knowing your tone by now. "i just wonder if you ever intend on digging in your roots, or if you'll continue travelling forever."

"if i dig roots, you may never see me again. is that what you want?"

"what," he said. "you don't like mondstadt?"

"i love monstadt," you assured him. "but i also love inazuma. and my mother is in liyue, though she might be upset with me if i try to settle too close to her. perhaps natlan would suit me more?" you shrugged finally, the door behind you opening as you finished with "i suppose i'll settle when i've found a reason to love one place more than the rest."

rubin shook his head, a chuckle falling from his lips. "a wanderer through and through." his attention was quickly drawn to the man entering the bar. "ah, captain! the usual?"

"please," the decorated man said, quickly taking a seat beside you despite the rest of the bar being available. "would you like another, wanderer?"

you eyed him cautiously, studying what you could see if his face around the black eyepatch, gaze skimming down his elaborate clothing before looking down at your emptied drink. "sure."

"another for your wandering friend, rubin, on my tab, please." your brain swirled, considering the brief information you had been given and wondered how you had never managed to meet this regular during your past visits. "are you just drinking dandelion wine, or something more fun?"

"more fun?" you asked. "what are you drinking, then?"

"well, a death after noon, of course," he stated. "don't tell me you haven't had one."

you blinked at him. "i haven't."

you turned towards rubin when he laughed at the back and forth. "shall i make two, then?"

"definitely," your new drinking buddy said, then gestured to you. "you trust my taste, right?"

you said nothing, but he accepted your silent smile as an agreeance. "captain," you said finally, thinking of how rubin had addressed him. "of?"

the man turned towards you, his elbow planted on the bar and his cheek on a fist. despite his get up, he had a playful smirk across his lips. "you mean, my reputation doesn't precede me? you really are a wanderer. everyone in mondstadt knows my name."

"everyone but me," you corrected. "as i'm currently in mondstadt."

his teeth shone behind his smirking lips before he sat up straight. "well, allow me to introduce myself." he saluted, his arm extending from his side at an angle - a salute you recognized from the guards around the city. "i am jeonghan, the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius."

"ah, the knights," you smiled briefly, before letting your eyes wander as you thought, crossing your arms over the bar. "i don't see much of a cavalry in the city, though."

he let out an amused exhale. "so i have a bit more free time these days."

"i'm sure the acting grand master is jealous of all your free time," you teased. "poor guy, looks like he's staving off a panic attack every time i see him. you should probably help him more."

"so," he sighed, leaning against the bar again. "you know of the acting grand master but not me?"

"jihoon?" you asked. "of course i know of him. he's all anyone ever talks about around here."

jeonghan nodded once, thanking rubin when he placed two drinks before you. "people talk about me, also, you know."

your lips stuck out in a pout. "jeonghan, you said? doesn't ring a bell."

he rolled his eyes and picked up his drink, holding it out for you to cheers against. you giggled, clinking your glass against his before taking a sip. the golden liquid was sweet, but not like the dandelion wine you had grown to love in this region. it had more depth, a subtle bitterness to it, and a refreshing bubble. you stared after the glass when it left your lips, then looked over to find jeonghan grinning at you.

"i see why it's your usual," you said, taking another sip before placing the glass on the bar. "i could drink too many."

"will you?" he asked.

"not tonight," you replied coolly. "i haven't asked sana to put me up at the guild yet, and if i get there too late, i'll get a cot instead of a bed. unless rubin finally wants to come clean about something?"

the bartender laughed. "how many times do i have to tell you? we don't even have rooms to board."

you squinted at him. "i know there's something upstairs. i'll learn your secrets one day, rube."

"i wouldn't be a very good bartender if i didn't know how to keep them."

"so you're in the guild?" jeonghan asked as rubin attended to another patron. "an adventuring wanderer."

you smiled vaguely at him. "i am. i have to pay for my travels somehow."

he shrugged. "there's other ways to make money. probably more profitable, too."

you eyed his teasing smirk. "i'm not sure i know what you're implying."

"as a captain of the knights of favonius, i assure you, i'm implying nothing at all," he said, exhaling sharply and adjusting on his stool. he leaned over towards you before speaking in a quieter tone. "but as jeonghan, i think you know exactly what i'm implying."

you only laughed, recognizing the thinly veiled attempt to worm a secret out of you. "i outgrew those means a long time ago. besides, when mora gets tight, i can always board up with my mother. i like liyue enough."

jeonghan studied you as you drank again. "liyue's home, is it?'

"for her, yes," you said, looking over to him, but you found yourself looking away again when his steely blue gaze met yours. you thought carefully about how much of yourself you were willing to reveal to this stranger, especially considering how important he was in the rule of the city. "she was a wanderer, too, and ended up falling in love with liyue harbor."

jeonghan made note of the way your face softened as you spoke about your mother. "and what about you?"

you met his intent look again, thinking about how his covered eye somehow made him even more intimidating. perhaps that was its purpose. "what about me?"

"what have you fallen in love with?"

a smile crept onto your lips as you processed his question. "oh, archons, what have i not fallen in love with? the smell of the open ocean in inazuma, the breathtaking temples in sumeru - have you ever been to waterfall city?"

jeonghan merely shook his head at you, the corners of his mouth turning upwards as he put his cheek on a fist again, leaning against the bar. "beautiful?"

you exhaled, eyes wide as you thought of the towering falls and the light mist that covered the city, trying to come up with an apt description. "humbling. there's nothing like it."

he watched your expression, head tilting further. "what a wonderful way to describe a place. tell me more."

your gaze went to him, then away briefly, feeling suddenly shy as you noticed his look. "about waterfall city?"

he shrugged a fur covered shoulder, shaking his head lightly. "about anywhere. describe your world, wanderer. i'd like to hear whatever you have to say."

you wondered if the heat that ran through you was because of the alcohol or the man, but you just took another drink and cleared your throat lightly, thinking of more places you had discovered in your travels. you thought of qingce village, one of your favorite places to visit, because the people are kind and welcoming and the fields are so beautiful. you told him about a tea shop owned by an old man - he insisted you call him pops so fiercely that you weren't even sure you had caught his given name - and it was probably the most relaxing cup of tea you ever had.

"it's been a while since i've gone," you sighed. "i think i'm overdue for a chat with pops and his tea."

jeonghan was smiling when you looked at him again. "the tea in liyue is unmatched," he said, reaching for his drink. before taking another sip, he gestured for you to continue.

so you did. you told him about sakura pond, about celestia city, about the volcanic black beaches. you told him liyue had your favorite people, but inazuma had your favorite food. he clicked his tongue at you.

"what about mondstadt? do we have one of your favorites?"

you smiled, genuinely. "sunsets. the night sky is different here than it is anywhere else. i think mondstadt is the closest we can get to the stars without joining the archons."

jeonghan studied you briefly, his blue eye flicking over your face as you finished your drink. "i think that's an apt observation. it seems your eyes are always wide."

"i travel for the views," you exhaled. "i don't plan on missing any."

he thought a second. "have you been to starsnatch cliff?"

your eyes lit up. "not in years," you said, in complete shock that you could have forgotten such a place. you pushed from the bar slightly, turning towards him, and he noticed the flash of a red gem strapped to your right thigh for the first time. "my mother took me there when i was a kid, but i haven't gone since."

"it never gets old," he said, sipping at the end of his drink. "i've yet to see that view and not be in awe."

"i'll go before i leave mondstadt again," you decided.

he looked to you. "when will that be?"

you sighed. "not sure, yet."

he just chuckled. "would you like another drink?"

"oh, no," you said, standing and stretching your spine. "i should make my leave. i don't like sleeping on cots. i just came by to let my ol' pal rube know i was in town again."

jeonghan watched you pull your pack onto your back, grabbing the handle of your sheathed claymore from where it was leaning against the wall next to the bar. "perhaps i'll see you again tomorrow?"

you looked at him, a vague smile on your lips as you strapped your sword back on. "perhaps you will, captain."

"jeonghan," he corrected. "but i don't believe you ever shared your name?"

"that was by design, captain," you said, and he swore he caught a glint in your eye as you bid rubin a farewell and stepped out of the angel's share.

jeonghan spun back around on his stool, immediately looking to rubin. "do you know their name?"

"no, sir," he said, looking at the closed door. "they've never said."

jeonghan's gaze went to the empty glass you had left behind, thinking about your stories, your sword, and the signifier of your vision on your thigh. "fascinating."

you got lucky - sana had a private room for you, and said you were welcome to rent it for your stay. she said not many people were travelling to mondstadt these days, and that more often than not, the adventurer's barracks in headquarters went unused. ever since the fatui had holed up in the grand goth hotel, it had been harder for you to make extended stays in mondstadt, but it seemed that something was telling you to stick around longer than usual. you laid on the hard mattress - a feeling that was more comforting than most, thanks to your continuous travels - and thought of the charming captain that had made a night of questioning you. you wondered if he really had any interest in anything you had to say, or if he had been hoping for details about something pertinent to an investigation.

you packed a lighter bag in the morning, only bringing along the essentials as you set out for your commissions for the day. that afternoon, you wandered around mondstadt and asked questions. questions about the simultaneously well-discussed and mysterious cavalry captain that had listened to your tales of travel, and answers came easier than expected, though they didn't contain all the details you were looking for. that night, you waited up at the angel's share to brag about your newfound knowledge to the captain that never showed, and you did your best to not let that hurt your ego.

the next day, you made a detour on your way back to the city after completing your commissions, stopping by springvale to enjoy a well deserved lunch and catch up with some locals. you sat in the grass with a skewer of grilled meat, watching the windmills of mondstadt steadily spin in the distance as time passed, thinking about how rubin had asked you if you didn't like it here.

you did, you decided. mondstadt felt different than anywhere else you had been. untouched, almost. wilder. freer. despite being born in inazuma, your first memories being in celestia, or your mother being in liyue, mondstadt felt comfortable. felt like a home. you wondered to yourself what that might mean.

sana greeted you happily when you returned much later than you normally did. she told you to go ahead to the guild and come back, filing away your reports and retrieving your rewards. you dropped off your things in your rented room, quickly, practically galloping back down the steps towards the entrance of the city to continue your conversation with the adventurer guilds' mighty receptionist without your sword weighing you down. you crossed your arms on the counter, comfortably lounging as you chatted with her, having always enjoyed her conversations more than most. like rubin, she was a reason mondstadt always felt comfortable.

"fancy meeting you here," an all too familiar voice said, and you pulled your eyes from sana to find jeonghan leaning his side against the counter next to you.

"good evening, cavalry captain!" sana chirped, placing your reward - your room free already removed - on the counter and bowing politely. "can i help you with anything today?"

his icy gaze flickered from your lightly curved lips towards sana. "oh, no, my dear. i'm just coming back from an investigation near springvale"

"interesting," you said, eyeing him. "i was just there and didn't see you."

"i wouldn't be very good at my job if you did, wanderer," he grinned. "knight business, you wouldn't understand. got the assignment yesterday."

"ah," you shifted to your side to face him, making him eye the vision on your thigh. "is that why you never showed? rubin was worried."

he looked you up and down. "rubin was, huh?"

you rolled your eyes and adjusted your posture to face away from his smirk. sana looked between the two of you twice before clearing her throat as quietly as possible, making jeonghan let out a chuckle before he directed his attention to the guild's receptionist.

"how goes holding the post, sana?"

she looked almost frightened when the attention was directed back to her. "good, captain! in fact, one of our most capable adventurers-" she gestured to you, "-just returned from taking care of some of our more difficult commissions - no one else would take them."

jeonghan looked at you. "why did sana have to tell your secret?"

your eyebrows quirked upwards. "what secret?"

"that you're good at this. shouldn't you be bragging?"

a chuckle spilled from your lips, and jeonghan watched you as you looked away. "i'm not the bragging type."

he studied you a moment. "what type are you, then?"

you considered the question, wondering exactly how to answer. what type were you? if not a teller, than surely you must be a shower, but that didn't seem right either. you exhaled. "the quiet type. see you later, sana."

he laughed, pushing off the counter as you tucked your mora into your waist bag, wishing sana a good evening and following you towards the fountain. "you sure talk a lot for being the quiet type."

a smirk landed itself on your lips as he fell into step beside you. "maybe private is a better description."

"that one i can see," jeonghan said, looking over to you. he thought of how you had spent nearly an hour telling him about the best views in teyvat, yet he still didn't know the most basic information about you. "do you share your name with anyone?"

you thought. "my mother."

he scoffed. "anyone else?"

you looked to the sky. "rubin."

"wrong," he retorted. "he doesn't know your name, either."

you laughed, looking over to him as you came up to the fountain, spinning and sitting back on the ledge. "you asked?"

"of course i asked," he said, planting one foot on the ledge beside you and placing his arms on his knee. "i asked other people, too. almost everyone knows you, but they don't know anything about you. bits and pieces, but never the full picture."

you just smiled up at him from your relaxed posture on the concrete. "what's wrong with a little intrigue?"

he just smiled back at you. "nothing. i tend to keep a bit myself. did you know there's a large number of people in this city that were shocked when i said you wield a claymore?"

you hummed, dipping the tips of your fingers into the fountain. "did you know there's a large number of people in this city that consider you the most eligible bachelor in not only mondstadt, but in all of teyvat?"

his lips parted slightly as you spoke. "so you snooped, too."

"i was bored yesterday. it wasn't hard," you exhaled. you flicked a drop of water towards his foot. "jeonghan yoon, the cavalry captain of the knights of favonius since he was only nineteen. who loves wine and whose adopted brother runs the biggest winery in teyvat, yet they're hardly ever seen speaking. who comes from a far off land on a different continent, but has come to love mondstadt like it was his home. who wears an eyepatch but has never told anyone why."

he chuckled at the assessment and pulled his foot off the ledge to sit beside you. "so when do i get to learn about you?"

"i told you about me yesterday," you said.

"you told me about teyvat," he corrected. "and while i was able to infer some things about your character, i still know close to nothing about you."

you thought for a moment, realizing no one had ever noticed how little you truly shared despite always being willing to tell stories. "sometimes it feels like i am teyvat. it's hard to think of things that are just about me."

"you could start with that vision," he said, nodding at the strap across your thigh. you looked down at it, exhaling.

"what's there to tell? you know what it means, and that's more teyvat than me, too."

he leaned back on a hand, looking you up and down in curiosity. "how old were you."

you chewed your cheek. "fourteen. you?"

his lip quirked upwards. "sixteen."

you bumped his shoulder with yours playfully. "beat you."

he laughed. "how'd it happen?"

you paused. "you go first."

he just chuckled and looked away, watching a dog wander past the general store. "another day, then."

"no fun," you sighed, brushing your hands together as you leaned forward. "what about the eyepatch?"

he met your eyes, mouth slanted in a smirk. "another day."

you clicked your tongue. "if you wanna learn about me, you have to be willing to give up some details, too. i value a fair trade."

"then stop asking questions that you know i won't share the answer to." jeonghan noticed the color of the sky, then suddenly pulled a pocket watch out, checking it quickly to confirm that there was enough time and stood. "come with me?"

you stared up at him. "where?"

he grinned, extending a hand to help you to your feet. "you said mondstadt's sunsets were your favorite, correct?"

you generally weren't prone to following mysterious men into back corridors, but jeonghan easily convinced you with no words at all that sneaking around the sight line of the acting grand master was completely normal behavior, sushing you with a grin as you giggled, taking refuge around a corner after the two of you made it up to the second floor of the favonius headquarters. he tugged your hand with his, pulling you into a steep maintenance staircase behind a door.

"this feels like it's against some rules," you said, climbing the stairs behind him.

"nonsense," he said, looking back at you and grinning. "are you suggesting that a knight of favonius would break rules just to impress a mysterious traveler?"

you laughed quietly, wondering if he really meant that he wanted to impress you. "not most, but maybe this one."

he only thought for a split second. "if anyone asks, we're on official knight business."

he opened the door and you found the sky again, beginning to glow orange as the edge of the sun began to hide behind the cliffs. you stared in awe at the way the few fluffy clouds reflected pink and gold, then readjusted your focus when jeonghan spoke again.

"i hope you aren't afraid of heights," he said, walking over to the parapets that surrounded you. "the best view requires a bit of a climb."

you looked up at the tower, and while it wasn't much higher than where you stood, you also recognized that you were well above most of mondstadt already. "you climb up there?"

he paused, studying you. "we don't have to, we can just sit on a merlon-"

"no, we can climb," you said, walking over to where he was and eyeing the small gap between the parapet and the adjacent roof. "hop over?"

he laughed, stepping over the gap and holding a hand out for you. "watch your step."

and though you didn't need it, you accepted the hand anyways, and it stayed on yours as you walked over the roof to the tower, as if making sure you didn't misstep several stories in the air.

"would you like to go first?" he asked. "i'll catch you if you fall."

you rolled your eyes at him, dropping your hand from his grip. "you go first. i want to see where the handholds are."

he just grinned at you. "very well," he said, tugging on the wrists of his fingerless gloves to make sure they were taught against his skin before taking hold of a brick. you watched him as he took foothold after foothold, and he resisted the urge to show off by speedily scaling the wall in favor of making sure you had the chance to see where he gripped. when he reached the opening in the tower, he pulled himself up and spun around, exhaling with a grin as he seated himself at the ledge with his legs dangling above you.

"your turn."

you adjusted your waist bag as you sighed in amused annoyance, spinning it to be behind you and out of your hips' way to climb the wall. it wasn't much - a couple meters, maybe - and you had definitely climbed further, but jeonghan's presence made you slightly nervous. that nervousness, however, just fueled you to prove yourself.

you scaled the wall easily, making jeonghan whistle and jokingly call you some kind of adventurer, and your only hesitation came when his hand was in your face. despite your initial inclination to ignore it, you put your left hand in his, allowing him to help you pull yourself up on the ledge and sit beside him.

"impressive," he commented.

you laughed, brushing off your hands. "you, too."

"c'mon," he said, gesturing his head over his shoulder before making moves to stand. "the view's on the other side."

you sighed, looking over the view of mondstadt shrouded in golden light as he stood and walked to the other ledge. "never a moment of rest with you."

"if you want to miss the sunset, be my guest."

you leaned back on your hands and laughed, pulling your gaze away from the city to look at where jeonghan had seated himself on the other end of the tower, and subsequently the view of the rolling hills beyond him that were glowing golden in the evening sun. you blinked for a second, realizing you hadn't seen the sunset the night before, and quickly got to your feet to join him before you missed this one, too.

he gave you a soft smile when you sat beside him, and you briefly wondered how many he had in his repertoire. the wind was stronger higher, whipping gently through his hair and alleviating any uncomfortable warmth you may have had from exerting yourself on the way up. you watched the dregs of sunlight skip across the grassy hills and the sky turn deep orange and bright pink, feet swinging lightly over the edge of the tower.

"i was fighting with my brother," he said suddenly, causing you to look at him with a start before you realized he was telling you about his vision. there was a slight smile on his face as he looked out on the fields. "hyungwon. it was bad. he already had his - he's a pyro, like you - and we were both young and stupid and just lost our dad. we were sword fighting and it came to me when i needed it. it probably saved my life, honestly."

you blinked at him. "you think he would have killed you?'

he exhaled, leaning back on his hands. "i think if the roles had been reversed, i would have tried to kill him, too. i'm grateful it didn't go that way, though." he coughed abruptly, clearing his throat. "we're on speaking terms, and i do love him as a brother, but i generally avoid him."

you let that thought ruminate as you watched the sun sink, halfway beyond the horizon. "my father was in a gang in inazuma, but my mom ran away when she found out she was pregnant. didn't want to raise a kid in that world, i guess? we ran into him when i got older and he wasn't very understanding." you paused, remembering the detail too well. "they were going to take her vision. that's what they did to traitors. probably take me, too. they weren't expecting me to start setting fires."

jeonghan's gaze was on you as yours was on the horizon. "just a couple of survivors."

you looked over at him, a smirk on your lips. "a couple?"

he laughed waving at your implication, thinking he would have said the same thing in an attempt to fluster you just as you were to him. "like, more than one and less than four."

you only laughed back. "fortune favors the weak, i suppose. the archons saw we needed help and extended a fig branch."

"is that what it was?" he asked, a laugh on his lips. "we were both fighting people. that's hardly an offer of peace."

"look for the deeper meaning, jeonghan. we were fighting for our lives," you pointed out, and he realized it was the first time you had addressed him by his name rather than his title. "i was fighting for family. for freedom. is that not the greatest pursuit of peace?"

he watched you as you pulled your knees to your chest, putting your feet on the edge of the stonework surface you sat on. he studied the way the golden rays lit your skin and made your eyes sparkle. "i suppose so."

you paused in that moment for a long while, and jeonghan allowed the comfortable silence as the two of you watched the sun disappear beyond the cliffs of mondstadt. the sky was turning a deep shade of purple when you told him your name, and jeonghan thought that it was quite possibly the best news he had ever received, but he kept that joy to himself as he confirmed your name, and you rolled your eyes.

"are you gonna answer my other question now?"

he scoffed. "about the eyepatch? is it really that interesting?"

"not any more interesting than my name," you retorted.

"completely untrue," jeonghan insisted. "i've never been so excited to be told a secret, and i get told a lot of secrets."

you eyed his smile warily. "my name may be unknown, but it's no secret."

he sighed and shook his head lightly. "you really wanna know the reason i wear it? it's probably not as dramatic as you're hoping."

"yet you hide it?"

he laughed. "what's wrong with a little intrigue?"

you looked away, recognizing the parrot of your own words. "whatever you say, captain."

"no!" he whined and grabbed your arm, making you start and look at him with big eyes. "you just started calling me jeonghan, don't go back to captain."

you stared at him, only breaking to laugh, dropping your legs over the edge again. "you won't show me what's under the eyepatch, so i thought we weren't on first name basis."

his hand on your bicep was warm and gentle, but his gaze was piercing as he thought it over for a bit longer. you did your best to hold it, but you felt yourself shrinking when he quietly muttered, "go on, then."

it took you a second to register what he meant, and you reached out slowly, fingers hesitating before they brushed upon his cheekbone. jeonghan closed his eyes, resigning to your touch as you gently lifted the eyepatch. his eyes opened again, slowly, and you thought your heart might have skipped a beat.

"like chocolate," you commented, and a smile spread across his lips.

"that's the kindest reaction i've gotten."

your fingers fell upon his temple, brushing down gently as you inspected his singular brown eye. "since birth?"

he nodded, his eyes flicking down to your lips briefly before he spoke. "heterochromia. it's a characteristic of my family."

you studied his face. "not the one here?"

he sighed. "not the one here."

the icy blue of jeonghan's eye had always struck something in you. it made him mysterious. commanding. it felt like he saw more than you despite having one eye covered. but now, you felt warm. you felt his gentleness. there was comfort hidden away behind that black patch, and you told him that you understood why the cavalry captain had chosen to hide the eye he did.

but to you, he was willing to show anything that would keep you around longer, he said.

"why me?" you asked, studying his expression when he looked away. the sun had retreated behind the hills, leaving the sky a deep blue.

jeonghan didn't respond right away, and you wondered if he himself even knew the answer. "we're birds of a feather, you and i."

you looked out to the view again, watching the subtle movements of the wild hills. "did you travel much before you came here?"

"it was all i knew," he told you. "i was thirteen when my father left me here."

your neck snapped, your eyes on his profile when he leaned back on his hands. "left you?"

he almost laughed, a smile on his lips when his eyes met yours. "i was slowing him down, i suppose. hyungwon's father found me and took me in."

"so you stayed?"

"i didn't always want to," he assured you. "i had the itch to leave for years. as soon as i was able, i always told myself." he paused, eyes dropping. "then father died. then hyungwon turned down his position with the knights. and i was their second choice."

you pursed your lips. "you stayed for a job."

he laughed. "it's not that simple."

you smiled at him, enjoying the warmth of his eyes on yours as the sky cooled. "are you sure we're birds of a feather?"

"listen," he said, getting off his hands and brushing them off on his thighs. "i accepted the job so that i could set the story straight. i didn't want to run from the people that believed that hyungwon tried to kill me to avenge our father."

you studied him. "i'm sorry."

"don't be," he said, nudging your shoulder. "i was still planning on leaving, but then i fell in love."

you looked away, trying to sort out the way your stomach flipped. "are they still around?"

"not with a person," he laughed, then nodded towards the now dark hills. "with the views. besides, i get free reign whenever i leave for missions. i have fun adventuring, and come home to the best sunsets in teyvat. there are worse places to call home."

your eyes scanned the horizon, remembering the brilliant rays of sun you had just seen skip across it. "that is tempting."

"how tempting?" he asked.

you thought on that for a moment. "almost as much as a death after noon right now."

jeonghan laughed, slightly proud that he had hooked you on his favorite drink. "shall we go see rubin, then?"

you hummed, smiling at the captain. "as long as i don't have to sit alone again."

"that's a promise," he told you as he stood, holding out a hand that you took without hesitation, though he withheld his intention to make sure you were never alone again.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Unexpected Places (Pt. 09 of 11)

Pairing: Ivar the Boneless X Reader/Bjorn X Reader

Word count: 2.6 K

Summary: As a princess, you've lived in a golden cage all your life, always a piece on someone else's game. But everything changed when the Norsemen came crushing down on Wessex, like waves in a violent storm. Their king spared your life and decided to take you with him to his kingdom, in what felt more like a rescue than a kidnapping. There, you were not only confronted with a completely different culture and lifestyle, but also with two of his sons. The oldest one has his eyes set on you, but it's the youngest one, Ivar, who gets who claimed your attention since the first sight. And he seems to have an unnamed interest in you. Of course you hoped whatever that was would pass, but when unexpected feelings start to flow a different way, things begin to change.

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{Vikings Masterlist}

×

Make Me Fly

It has been an interesting week. Bjorn hasn't been around lately, since he and Ragnar are starting to gather people for the next raid. Winter will be over soon enough, and apparently, they start getting ready a long time before sailing. You're trying not to think too much about it, since you know Ivar is going.

But that's an issue for when the winter is over, and it isn't yet, and won't be for quite a while. On Ivar's bed, already dressed for the day, you're kneeled behind him, braiding his hair. You've been sleeping here now, and of course, the news got out, even though you don't really know how. Hvitserk was the first to know, so he told Aslaug and Ubbe. Ragnar found out quickly after, meaning it got to Bjorn's ears as well. Then, you started noticing people staring, and some rumors, according to Helga. You were under Aslaug's protection, but the rumor that you're with Ivar makes people scared of you. You don't mind though, but you still haven't spoken with Ivar about it. You want things to just happen instead of pushing it because of what people are saying.

“There you go.” You say when the braids are done. “I'm getting really good at this.”

Ivar runs his fingers through his hair, tugging on the braids softly. His hair is long now, and he agreed on not cutting it short again. “You're getting great at this.” He says, grabbing your hand and pulling you down again, so you have both your arms around his neck. “I want to show you something today.”

“What?” You ask hands on his chest.

“I'm gonna show you how I ride on the battlefield.” His voice gets a little darker, and you know he's not joking. “I know you've been asking yourself that.”

“I know you can fight.” Getting up from the bed, you move to stand before him. “I just don't know how, but I don't doubt it.”

“We still have some weeks, but I'll be sailing to England again.” Ivar takes his clutch and gets up to his feet. “No need to hide it, I know you're worried.”

“Worried isn't the right word... Maybe anxious.” You start making your way to the door, and Ivar unlocks and pulls it open for you. “I know some people don't come back and I've never been through anything like that. I don't how those who stay deal with the waiting.” You set a comfortable pace, walking side by side with him.

“You'll get used to it. That's the way things have always been here.”

“I know.” When you cross the main hall, you wave at Hvitserk and Ubbe, muttering a ‘hello’ to Bjorn, since you've been trying to ease the ever-growing tension between the two brothers.

Ivar guides you through the city and then through the forest to a wooden structure built among the trees. There are some men around, and the doors are open. You're way too curious about it, but you manage to wait until you reach the building. There are several horses inside, some war equipment and ballistic devices you don't recognize, many shields and swords.

“Storage?” You ask.

“Yes. But that's the only thing that really matters.” He gestures at the very end of the barn, and that's when you see it.

“What's that?” Walking faster, you make your way towards it, ignoring everyone around. You've never seen anything like it. They keep a certain distance from it, you noticed. You wonder how many times they had Ivar yelling at them to stay away from his things.

“It's a war chariot.” He answers as you walk around it, stepping up and inside. “With it, I can march into battle. Lead troops in combat.”

In the center, there's a structure for Ivar to sit, so you walk around it, standing on the edge. You can't help but imagine how it must feel to be in such a position, in the middle of war. “I wish I could see you in action. It must feel like flying.” You expected him to say something, but several seconds go by and you're still in silence, broken only by the low chattering of the men working here. Looking over your shoulder, you spot Ivar still on the ground, looking up at you. “What?” You giggle, turning around.

“Get my chariot ready.” He commands, raising his voice. “Now.”

“You're kidding, right?” You ask, unable to hold back the smile.

Ivar doesn't answer, he just pulls himself to the chariot, taking his place. Everything is done quickly, and once the horse is attached to the chariot, the doors on the back of the barn are pushed open. Ivar is seated on the bench made for him, and you stand on the front, hands tightly holding on the edge.

“Are you ready?” Ivar inquires, and you give him a look over your shoulder, biting your lip.

You've never seen this look on his face. You have seen him smiling many times, but this is different. Ivar looks truly happy, comfortable, secure. Wild, even. And you absolutely love this look on him. “Make me fly.” You mutter, and the moment he moves his arms to whip the horse, you turn around.

Soon enough you find you picked the right word to describe it. Flying. Ivar keeps the horse's pace so fast that it takes your breath away. It's nothing like riding. It's something entirely new. The chariot rocks a little through the woods, but when it reaches a road, the speed only increases, and you're laughing like a little kid. It's just amazing to ride this into battle, and you can only imagine what his enemies feel when they see Ivar on this thing, flying to meet them. They must be terrified. Ivar's reputation is the worst, or the best, depending on the point of view, and men must tremble like leaves at the sight of him.

“You alright there?” He yells above the wind, and you glance at him.

“Never been better!” Assuring him, you focus on the road again, seeing how close you are to Kattegat. “Turn around! Or else we'll enter the town.”

“And what's the problem with that?”

Laughing again, you decide you don't care if he doesn't care. And into the town you go, making people jump out of the way. Nobody dares to say anything though, just making sure to warn those ahead to watch out. The space gets a little narrow, and Ivar starts to struggle a little until he gives up, knocking some stores down and getting some angry yells. You're not really thinking right now, looking down at the people as you pass by, too fast. You can hear his laughter too, filling your ears.

“Ivar!” A different voice reaches you, and as soon as you spot Ragnar riding on your left, Ivar pulls the horse, making it reduce its pace until you stop completely.

“Father. Hi.” He mutters, in that tone that means he did something bad but doesn't care one bit.

“Will you take this thing back? Look at all the mess you two made.” He complains, gesturing at the market place. You give it a quick look, noticing way too many broken things. “Move it around and take the chariot back,” Ragnar says before riding away.

With a dramatic eye roll, Ivar does what he's told, and this time, since he's riding slower, you have your back at the landscape, staring at him instead. “Weren't you seeing where you were going?”

“Of course not.” He snaps back, shrugging his shoulders. “I was too busy looking at you.”

Blushing, you look down, and a rock on the road makes the chariot shake, making you jerk forward, bumping on the support on which Ivar can rest his chest. “Ouch.”

“Come here.” He says, moving back a little. “Good thing you're wearing pants. Sit here.” Raising an eyebrow, you do as he says, bringing one leg over the structure and straddling it. The moment you sit down on it, you feel Ivar's chest pressing against your back. “Better?”

“A little.” You mumble, feeling as his arms surround you, so you place your hands on top of his, holding the halters. “That's nice.” You whisper, the cold air suddenly not bothering you anymore.

“It is.” Ivar let go of the halters, letting it to your control. “I never allowed anyone to do that. And I don't think I ever will.” He whispers in your ear, and you feel a shiver rolling down your spine.

“Really?”

“Really.” He repeats, hands on your hips. “Ever since I started raiding with my father and brothers, I never truly had anyone to come back to.” You feel yourself relax onto him, for a brief moment forgetting you're the one controlling the chariot. “So I need to know if that changed.”

This is important, so you pull the halters, making the horse stop. Once you're motionless, you move to the side and turn your head a little, just enough to look into his eyes. “What exactly are you asking, Ivar?”

He brings a hand to caress your cheek, cold fingertips running through your skin, painfully slow, leaving a trail of fire. “I'm asking if you will be waiting for my return.”

“I–”

“Prince Ivar.” Someone calls, and you're cut short.

“What?” He hisses, as you stand up and move out of the made chair.

“Your father asked us to take your chariot back. He needs to speak with you.”

“Why didn't he said it himself?” Despite being annoyed, Ivar steps out of the chariot, and you do the same. It doesn't go unnoticed that the men don't ride it. They simply pull the horse. It's like an unspoken rule, that doesn't need to be reassured. People just know.

Then, you're left alone in the woods, the sound of the chariot being taken away slowly fading. “Guess we should go now.” You say, but before you give the first step back to Kattegat, Ivar grabs your arm, forcing you to stop and turn to look at him.

“First answer me.” There's insecurity in his voice, fear even. You wonder if this side of Ivar will ever heal. Maybe it won't, but, as long as you're around, you'll do everything you can to make him see that he's not less of a man because of his disability. You know he's still scared that you'll pick Bjorn over him, the reason for the insane jealously going on between the two brothers, but the truth is you already made your choice. And you're not changing your mind.

“Of course I'll wait for you.” You say, not a hint of doubt on your voice. “I'll be on the decks, watching the boats arriving, searching for you among the people.” When Ivar smiles, you do the same, tiptoeing to place a kiss on his cheek. But when you feel his flesh, you're quick to notice you met his lips instead.

At the same time you freeze, you feel your entire body heating up. But then, you're fast to move, a hand coming to cup cheek as the other grabs the hard material of his vest, holding him close. You don't pull away, how could you? Not when you just realized you've been wanting to do this for so long. Smiling a little, you let him deepen the kiss, his free hand on your waist, pressing your body against his even more. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you feel completely inebriated by the warmth of his lips, his taste, everything.

But you still need to breathe, so you're forced to pull away, still standing close to him. You feel your cheeks burning, a smile on your lips that you just can't hold back. “That was something.” You mutter, clearing your throat.

“If I come back from this raid, tell me you'll be mine,” Ivar whispers, and you look up to meet those bright blue eyes once again. “I promise I won't ever take or love another woman.”

There's only one possible answer for this, but the truth is that somehow, you have been his since the beginning, you just didn't know. “You'll be mine, and I'll be yours.” Tiptoeing again, you place a quick kiss on his lips.

“And so it'll be.”

• • •

You both agreed on not letting the word out until after the raids. So, as the days and weeks pass by, you watch as people get ready, and you enjoy the many feasts Ragnar throws, but also the meals you share with the family alone. Hvitserk is the only one who knows about you and Ivar since he got you kissing by Ivar's bedroom door. But he won't tell anyone, or else, you swore to use him as a target to practice with the ax. But you trust him, you know he'll keep the secret as long as you want him to.

Bjorn is struggling. In the beginning, when he found out you were sleeping in Ivar's bedroom, he had this constant angry stare. Now, you're not sure what his plans are, but you know he hasn't given up yet. Ubbe told you that Bjorn still doesn't believe you made up your mind, because to him, it's insane that any woman would prefer Ivar over him. You don't care though. What he thinks doesn't matter. But you do catch him staring, and you're tired of trying not to let Ivar notice. It's almost always useless.

Tonight, it's a goodbye feast. They're sailing first thing tomorrow, many to their deaths, so today, everyone celebrates. You're dressed in a brand new dress, with the necklace Ivar gave you, as well as rings and earrings that we're also gifts from him. You're happy tonight, despite the anxiety building up in your chest.

“So. Do you want anything from your homeland?” Ivar asks, his mouth close to your ear to make himself heard above all the noise.

“I want you.” You answer, stealing a chicken wing from his plate and taking a bite. Ivar looks at you with an annoyed stare, eyes rolling at your audacity.

“You already have me.” He simply answers.

“Are you guys serious?” Hvitserk complains, dropping to the bench beside you. “If I ever fall in love and start acting like this, I give you both permission to punch me in the face.”

“You know I'll never forget this, right?.” You tell him, an arm around his shoulders. “I have a good memory, my friend.”

“You'll regret saying that,” Ivar warns him, and you giggle.

The night was long, but it ended too soon. You were awakened before the sun, so you could help Ivar with the last preparations. You did you're best not to look worried, but right now, walking next to him to the boat, you have to clench your hands into fists so nobody will see them shaking.

“That's it.” He says, turning to look at you. “Don't worry too much. I'll come back.”

“I know, Ivar the Boneless.” Some people pass by, so you look down at your feet. “Just be careful, alright?”

“I will.”

“Alright.” You know you've been keeping this a secret until he's back, but right now, it doesn't matter. Standing on your toes, you kiss him, slow and passionately, not minding the many eyes on both of you. It just doesn't matter. Pulling away, you smile, hoping this won't be the last kiss.

“So much for keeping a secret.” He says, smirking.

“Shut up.” You mutter, resting your head on his chest. “Just remember I'll be waiting.”

“I will,” Ivar says in a low voice, and with one more kiss, you let him get in the boat, making your way back to the decks, standing next to Aslaug.

The Queen has a look on her face, and you know she saw the kiss.

“Won't you say anything?” You mutter, feeling your cheeks burning.

“No.” She smiles, glancing at you. “I just think it'll be a long summer. For both of you.”

And, of course, Queen Aslaug was right.

×

@multific @revolution-starter @crackhead1-800 @youbloodymadgenius @clown-boyyy @kitten0394 @castielsangelx-blog @goldlion07 @midnightmystic @readsalot73 @xvxcarolinexvx @momowhoo @fangfoxy @msrawog @walkingonshunshine @alytavzla @anotherfan07 @heavenly1927 @msrawog @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom

[merakiui]

then yanven anon is fine by me!! im looking forward to interacting more with you (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

i feel the same!! luckily, we might get some events that feel more fun soon enough hehe

ahhh that's so great!! i picked up on wishing soon enough (which is why i have been using yanfei ever since), but ill admit it kinda hurt my heart to replace my starters, save for kaeya who's still by my side (;ŏ﹏ŏ) i really admire starter mains, tho. best of luck on resource farming ୧( ˵ ° ~ ° ˵ )୨

aha i guess clownery's part of why the games so fun, tho,, and that's understandable! i personally figure out that if nobody's gonna talk, then i will, and luckily i have never gotten any unpleasant experiences either!!

and i'd like to try my hand at writing for him, someday (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) i don't write often, but reading so many works with him definitely makes me wanna try!! (i can understand why you like it. i also really love everything you've written about him (•ө•)♡!) and thank you!! i can only hope there will be a re-re-rerun of him someday, but i guess i can live without it too haha

thanks again!! i guess ill have to make lots of efforts to save up on my side orz. the anemo hypostasis is an annoying foe indeed, tho personally i like think of it as less annoying than most of the other elementary cubes... (╯︵╰,)

hehe, that's the plan ᕦʕ •ᴥ•ʔᕤ! it's already arrived, so all i have to do is wait for the banner!!

riddle??? that's such a good choice omggg!! he was definitely close to being a favorite for me, but i have been in love with ace ever since i decided to take his hand (●♡∀♡)

ahh i'm so looking forward to it if you ever decide to share your writing about twst!! ill admit i don't know much about the characters, yet, shame on me ...(´-﹏-`；) im a new fan, but im definitely set on consuming as much content as i can to really get into it, since the characters look really appealing to me 😚

and the adeuce duo is such a fun one!! deuce is probably one of my favorite characters too, atm. it's fun to see all the shenanigans they get into, especially when poor mc is dragged into it as well;;

riddle has really captured my interest, tho. his controlling nature and 'obsession' with upholding the rules gives me food for thought, even if it's sad to see what made him like that. it would no doubt be hell for a darling, too, if he doesn't get any more lax (´;︵;`) well, i think, at least, im not too informed on the characters yet so i might be off there.

(he also has a really cute face. i can't help but think that his little strands of hair look like antennas. it's funny (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧)

Yay! I'm glad you're okay with it! (❁´◡`❁)

I'm excited for the upcoming events, especially Lantern Rite. Do you know which four star you'll choose? It seems like a really difficult decision because they're all great characters and I could use constellations for any of them. >_<

And thank you for the good luck wish!! When I first started all I had was the starter characters, so I built them and did the occasional experimental pull here and there. My first ever banner four star was Chongyun, but I never built him because I was trying to build Kaeya, Lisa, Amber, and Aether. Now he's c6 and somewhat built! Since you're a Kaeya main, do you have any of his constellations? I main him as well and haven't been lucky enough to get any yet. T^T

Omg if you ever write for Childe I'd love to read it!!! He's a stinky gremlin, but I still love him lol. I think everyone should try writing for Childe at one point because he's a character who can be written in the most interesting situations. And writing mind games between characters is always fun. Hopefully you can add him to your party one day!

I have so many drops from that boss, but due to the fact that I've built Kazuha, Jean, and now Xiao I'm very low on the gemstones. Xiao is stuck at level 80 until I can get enough to make 6 of those stones. But I'm just relieved that it's an easy enemy! :D Luckily you don't find it too annoying either!

Omg the arrival of the Venti cosplay... Manifesting Venti's rerun for you so that you can lure him home with the outstanding cosplay!!!

The moment I saw Riddle I went :O!!! Maybe I like him so much because red is such a lovely color and Heartslabyul is red all over. Or maybe it's his personality... Either way, he became an instant favorite! I'll admit I almost took Azul's hand for a second. ;;; The power of a businessman is strong. (°ー°〃) But despite that I took Riddle's hand in the end!!!

If all goes well, I hope to post my first twst fic soon!!! It will be my official debut as a twst writer omg. After that I'll finish a Dottore fic and post it. And then I might write a fic for Azul or the Leech brothers. The level of intensity in each fic really varies... ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

Adeuce has my heart!!! They're so much fun. I love seeing them interact. Poor mc, though... Always becoming part of their shenanigans whether they want to or not. I also really like Deuce! He seems very nice. <3

Riddle and his rules... Yikes. He can be really extreme. I think he would have high standards for his darling because he was raised with high standards. :( Outsmarting him might be difficult considering he's a very intelligent student and could probably figure out your goal the moment you slip up.

Oh, and his face!!! It's very cute!!! I love how his strands of hair are shaped like a heart. Somehow he became even cuter in nendoroid form. T_T But it is funny when they look more like an antenna.

[aoeability]

My (highly overthought) Idea For My First D&D Character (and how an obsession over an old video game inspired me to make them): Part 1

Several months ago, @martuline had introduced me to D&D, and I became obsessed with it. I got myself the player handbook, watched a ton of videos related to the subject, and as a result, started getting a ton of ideas for characters, even though I haven't even joined a campaign yet. I had tons of interesting ideas for characters, all coming from some sort of question I asked myself about pop culture, (has this idea been done yet?), or a cool concept (i.e. a warlock more directly inspired by H. P. Lovecraft's works), but only one of them actually became my first completed character. It took me quite a while to make him, but I'm really proud. Now, by standards of first-ever characters, this one is quite complex, dare I say it, a bit overthought. So strap in - It'll be quite a ride.

Before I get on with my idea, I have some stuff to share. You see, there is this video game series I remember playing a lot, which, despite being released before I was even born, I feel very nostalgic for - Heroes of Might and Magic.

Never heard, huh? Well, who can blame ya - it's an European game. And it's not really that popular outside of Eastern Europe.

Anyways, titles in the HOMM cycle are widely considered to be among the best in my favorite video game genre - turn-based strategy. They have neat music, engaging gameplay, and many, many factions of fantasy creatures to command and build strategies on. No wonder the series became one of my all-time favorites, inspiring me even today.

Now, for those who have played the games, you'll hate me for this, but my favorite installment of the series is not the 3rd one. I agree that H3 is the best installment, but I distinctly remember growing up with the 4th game.

Big shocker, considering it's the most divisive entry in the franchise. I, for one, consider the playable and highly customizable heroes as one of the game's best aspects. In addition, I like how the game deviates from conventional fantasy, in which the rest of the series is rooted, as well as from the series itself.

Now, you might be asking - what does this niche series have to do with the subject of matter? Well, hold your damn horses, I'm gonna get there.

So, one thing to note is how the factions are built. Instead of representing groups of related fantasy creatures, like in Heroes 3, the factions in Heroes 4 embody concepts: Life, Order, Death, Chaos, Nature, and Might, all together forming a wheel which shows the relationships between them.

Now, I have a question for you:

DOES. THIS. SEEM. FAMILIAR???

To be fair, I actually didn't notice the glaring similarities between Heroes 4 factions and the Magic: The Gathering Color Pie until I actually began playing the latter. MTG predates H4 by about 9 years, so, I assume it was an inspiration - and a pretty damn good one at that. I think the Magic Color Pie could act as an interesting alignment chart. The colors, however, don't represent morality, but philosophy and values. No color on the wheel is inherently good or evil, not even Black or White - they all just have conflicting worldviews. Now, how does the Heroes of Might and Magic handle a system like this...?

It misses the entire goddamn point.

As much as I like Heroes of Might and Magic as a whole, and especially the 4th game, I have to admit that the series is deeply rooted in black-and-white morality. Not even going into the irony of all the previous games encouraging combination of creatures and heroes of various, even opposing factions, The entire idea of portraying some factions as "good" and "evil" in this balanced faction lineup is infuriating to say the least. At the very least, I am kinda willing to forgive the Death faction being the bad guys, as, being a faction of the undead and demons, it is sorta understandable. But I'm never gonna forgive the creators for making the Chaos faction evil, especially when we consider the implications of that faction being a parallel to the Red magic from MTG. Some positive aspects of the color in its source game include its emphasis on individuality, passion, and freedom, and it really stings that the creators threw it all out of the window. Even when I was a kid playing the game, I didn't see them as the bad guys. All this leaves a bad taste in my mouth...

...and thus, my idea sparks.

I thought that D&D could be my way of "redeeming" the Chaos faction from its supposed "villainy", and showing it from a more positive angle. I started reading into the in-game lore to find out about the faction, and most of what I stated about Red magic applies to Chaos faction as well - they value freedom, independence, as well as might making right, and despise conformity, self-righteousness, and structure of any kind - all of which are hallmarks of the Chaotic alignments. I eventually settled for Chaotic Good as an alignment for the character.

Then, I had to pick a class. I looked at what the game had to offer - there were two hero classes associated with the Chaos faction - Sorcerer and Thief. After some careful consideration, I picked Sorcerer, as I wanted to utilize the faction's most prominent mechanic - powerful damaging spells.

After coming up with this outline to build on, though, I began thinking that I need some more ideas to make the character in question interesting. So, I began looking for inspiration elsewhere...

End of Part 1

[toonformers]

Design number two, Optimus and Sentinel Prime, complete with height reference chart!

I redesigned Optimus but lets say for lore purposes, the technology for compressing Cybetronians to look humanoid has been developed even more and basically perfected.

But I wanna talk about Senti here, cuz there's some stuff to unravel here lol! So you may or may not remember (for those who don't know) when Naturae's life was destroyed, Sentinel scavenged the planet for survivors. No luck, he only came back with a seed and a note for Optimus from his lover, Shira, saying to take care of it and love it as Oppy loved her.

Sentinel wasn't very...keen to the idea of Optimus having an organic lover. However, he would help him go out with Shira and not be seen. He was willing to keep a secret, with the mentality of "This won't last long." And that mentality stuck with him, even after the news of Shira's death. Ultra Magnus' new law for all Autobots...

[Inside Fortress Maximus]

*Optimus is staring at the seed from Shira, and the note. He'd just compressed his body for the organic appearance and put on a vest with pants*

Sentinel: *slams door open* Optimus!

Optimus, surprised: Sentinel. I see you got the news.

Sentinel, angered: Yeah, I got the news. What have you done to your body? Why is everyone else supposed to do it?

Optimus: Ultra Magnus thought it would be a good way to appease the grief of others over the loss of Naturae and its people.

Sentinel, angered: Don't lie to me. I know you did this to mourn your little romance. What I don't understand is why you're making the entire planet do it!

Optimus: It's not my decision what Ultra Magnus passes as a law and you know it.

Sentinel, angered: But you very clearly influenced him. Don't deny it!

Optimus, annoyed: Fine, I won't. Happy?

Sentinel, angered: You still haven't answered why you want everyone to do this.

Optimus: ...The Naturians...they saw the world differently compared to us. Down to creation. They don't see machines or technology. They don't see sparks of energy or metal. They see life. What life is. What it can be. How it all connected. I want our culture to have that.

Sentinel, annoyed: Optimus, we are machines. We don't have reproduction or flesh or a fragile nature. We're beings who are forged. Built to last eons without a scratch. What differences us from any other machines is our sparks. That's what connects us. That's what makes us Cybertronians. The ability to have an AI so complex it's basically a soul. I for one and happy with that.

Optimus: Well, I'm not. I don't like this idea of "we're machines so we're better than everyone". Because we're not better. We have so much to learn. You especially.

Sentinel: *takes the seed away from Optimus*

Optimus: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Sentinel: This is the problem. You spent way too much time around those organics. I should've separated you two as soon as I suspected your little fling.

Optimus, furious: It's not a fling, Sentinel! She was the one! Shira was the one I wanted to spend my life with! I loved her!

Sentinel, angered: You're judgment has been blinded! You didn't love her!

Optimus, furious: Oh, what do you know about love?! How could you know how it feels to have finally found the being you're going to spend the rest of you're life with, only for them to DIE and you living with the guilt FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW HOW THAT FEELS?!

Sentinel: *stares in shock and slowly gives the seed back*

Optimus: Thank you. Now please leav...Sentinel?

Sentinel, whispering: *approaches Optimus* How that feels? You mean how it feels to fall in love in the Autobot Academy? How you planned to confess your feelings after completing a mission that you were sure you were gonna succeed. Primus, with your baby brother and friend by your side, it's a guaranteed success. Then...she dies. Because the organics who lived in the planet you visited were hostile and numerous. You blame your brother for not letting you go back for her but deep down, you know. And you have to live with the fact it's all my.... *voice cracks* fault.

Optimus: Sentinel?

*Sentinel walks away silently*

[Hours later, with Ultra Magnus]

Optimus: ...and I haven't seen him after that. I thought maybe he'd gone to see you.

UM: No, I haven't seen him. It's strange. Sentinel is not usually the emotional type. I wonder where he could have gone.

Guard: *bursts through the door* Commander! An emergency! In the medbay! It's Sentinel Prime!

[At the medbay]

UM: Perceptor. What happened?

Perceptor: Sentinel Prime had locked himself in the room and repeatedly used the appearance compressor. I estimate he went in 6 times before collapsing and loosing consciousness.

UM: Primus.

Optimus, worried: Why would he do that?? Where is he?

Perceptor: He's undergoing some repairs. Unfortunately there have been some complications. Normally the compressor can be used once, twice for aesthetic purposes. More than that can damage the exoskeleton. Sentinel having gone in 6 times has caused himself severe internal injuries. Among them...his T-cog.

UM, worried: What's wrong with it?

Perceptor: It's been crushed to a scrap. And as you know, T-cogs are irreplaceable, due to its technology being mostly unknown to science. We've not yet mastered how to build replacement cogs. Unfortunately...Sentinel Prime's transformation ability...has been terminated permanently.

Optimus, shocked: No. Magnus!

UM, sad: Sentinel...

Perceptor: It seems he wanted to fully commit to the organic lifestyle. He didn't explain why. He only said "He needs this."

Optimus: I need to see him.

UM: Take us to him.

Perceptor: Very well.

[Sentinel's med room]

*Ultra Magnus and Optimus enter to see a thin Sentinel, trying on clothing. He turns and stares at his brothers*

Optimus: Sentinel! *hugs Sentinel, Ultra Magnus joins*

Sentinel: Heh. Didn't think you'd want to see me.

UM: Are you joking, you malfunction? What have you done?? Do you realize what this has done to you??

Sentinel: I know.

Optimus: Sentinel, why did you do this? You could've gone offline! Now your T-cog is gone! You'll never transform again! Why?? Why do this?

Sentinel: ...remember what I said earlier? About...the thing with...

Optimus: Yeah?

Sentinel: After that happened, I continued my studies like normally. And it's one of my biggest regrets, because I didn't take the time to mourn Elita One. I never fully recovered from the pain. Now you're going through the same thing I did. And instead of helping you during this time, I was mocking you. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. And...to help you get through this, I decided to follow Ultra Magnus' rule. While taking it to a much...further extent.

Optimus, surprise: Sentinel....

Sentinel: Let's make this clear. I....dislike organics. A lot. But if you think this is what Cybertron needs to progress and what you need to feel better, I'll do it.

Optimus: Senti...come here, you idiot! *hugs* Thank you. You look great.

Sentinel: I know. *smirks*

[msmarvelouswinchester]

The One Where Everything Goes Wrong - 1

Summary - Dean Winchester is the most charming man you have ever met so when he asks you out on a date, you say yes because what can be better than going on a date with Dean but sometimes somethings don't go the way you have planned them.

Pairing - Dean Winchester x Reader; Sam Winchester

Warning - Fluff, Angst-ish, mentions of hydrophobia, and fear of sharks, panic attack

Word Count - 2550

A/N - This is a collaboration with @miss-nerd95/. @bucky--barnes . It has been planned and written by both of us. This will be a two parter! Hope you like it.

Spn dividers by @talesmaniac89

You threw your head back, groaning in frustration. There wasn't a single piece of clothing that you felt was appropriate for your date. Skimming through the closet for the third time, you glared at all the different pieces of flannels, flip side of being a hunter, before you finally noticed the long floral dress at the back of your closet.

“This will work,” you muttered to yourself as you picked the dress, happy that you found something worthy.

Dean Winchester, a name that was enough to make the demons of hell and the angels of heaven tremble with fear but for you he was just Dean, the man who had successfully stolen your heart at the very first ‘hello’, so you needed the date to be perfect. Even though you were head over heels for him, you never uttered a single word about how you felt and neither did he. The fear of being rejected by him, hearing him say that he didn't feel the same kept your mouth sealed shut for a long time.

So it all came as a surprise when you were lying on the bed in a motel room with aching muscles because of a rough hunt and mind filled with the vicious words exchanged between you and Dean and the door to your room slightly opened, revealing the said man standing in the doorway with an unreadable look on his face. It all happened so quickly as Dean crossed the room in long strides to stand at the foot of your bed and confess his feelings for you, no longer wanting to hide it in case something bad happened.

After putting on your dress, as you touched up on your makeup, you smiled softly remembering the fond memory of his lips on yours for the first time that night before he asked you out on date. You looked at yourself in the mirror feeling content with how you looked.

Yet unbeknownst to you, Dean was running around in the bunker like a headless chicken trying to plan the perfect date.

“Will you sit down for a minute?” Sam rolled his eyes at his brother who was pacing across the war room, eyes focused on the floor, lost in thought.

“She loves junk food right?” Dean asked, at which all Sam wanted to do was punch him.

“You know her better than me, but to answer your question, yes, she loves all those greasy food items which increase your body cholesterol. No wonder you're made for each other, but I really feel sorry for when you'll have kids,” the younger Winchester smirked.

“Stop teasing, you don't get it! I love her, Sammy-”

“I don't get it? Dude, I was the one who was sick of both of you dancing around each other,” Sam grumbled, “if it wasn't for me pushing you out of that door back after that hunt, you wouldn't have asked her out. Now stop freaking out like a fifteen year old going on his first date!”

“I'm not freaking out. I'm just nervous,” Dean said.

“Wow, would you look at that? Dean Winchester, the ladies’ man, is nervous about a date,” Sam chuckled.

“Shut up.” Sam rolled his eyes at the green eyed hunter for the second time that morning, “She makes me nervous. What if I fuck up?”

“Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I just can't believe I'm the one giving you dating advice right now.”

“Shut. Up. And I know it's going to be fine. I have it all planned out. A visit to the aquarium and then a little picnic underneath the stars, she's going to fall in love with me,” Dean made a sound which resembled a giggling teenage boy.

Sam was grinning until he processed the words. “Wait. An aquarium?”

“Yeah, why are you saying it like that-”

“Dean,” you stepped into the war room, interrupting the brothers. Out of habit, you were about to bite your lip but you remembered the lipstick you had put on, so you just settled for playing with the ring on your finger, waiting for their reaction.

Both the Winchesters just stared at you, mouth opened which made you more anxious. Was there something on your face? Shit, you looked around the War Room where Dean had asked you to meet once you were ready, why didn't they have any mirrors in here?

Clearing your throat, you shifted your gaze on the man standing beside his brother, the latter sitting on one of the chairs of the table. He looked dapper in the dark jean jacket which he traded for his usual plaid and contrasted it with a plain white tee he wore underneath Although you loved seeing him wrapped in flannel,this new look of his made you go weak in the knees and you sure would have melted into a puddle on the spot had Sam not interrupted your thoughts.

"You look beautiful, Y/N." He harshly nudged Dean, at which the latter glared at him before looking back at you. Nodding, he almost sounded like he was in a daze. "Yeah, you look great, sweetheart."

You blushed, tucking a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, "Thank you, you don't look too bad yourself. Shall we go? You still haven't told me where we're going Dean."

Sam got up from his seat and spoke hurriedly, "Yeah about that, Dean, I don't think-"

Dean narrowed his eyes, "I'm telling you for the third time, shut up. Don't ruin the surprise."

"But-"

"Nope, we're going now. Sweetheart, are you comfortable in those heels? We may have to walk a bit."

You waved goodbye at Sam, who dejectedly sat back down, pinching the bridge of his nose once you were out of the door. This was going to end in a disaster.

“Milady.” Dean held Baby's door open for you, one hand on the handle and another on the window of the black impala. The tips of his ears turned red when your hand touched his as you slid into the passenger's seat.

You gave him a nervous smile, as he walked to the other side and got into the driver's side, pulling the Impala out of the Bunker’s garage

You looked out of the window as Baby’s engine purred, the scenery familiar as you drove out. Glancing at him, you prodded, "Can you please tell me where we're going? You know I don't like surprises."

Dean's tongue peeked out to sweep across his bottom lip, as he stole a glance your way. He chuckled before focusing back on the road.

"You'll find out when we get there." You huffed in annoyance, crossing your arms indignantly as you looked away.

"Aw, sweetheart don't be like that." Rolling your eyes, you held in a smile as you shook your head. "Not until you tell me where we're going."

Dean laughed at your pout, "I can just tell you that you're gonna love it.

You uncrossed your hands, your left tracing the outline of the almost rolled down window, the other on the seat beside you. A blush crept up your cheek when you felt his hand clasp yours, fingers entangling.

"I guess I'll let you off the hook just this once. But at least tell me how much time we need to get there."

He squeezed your hands in his as he beamed at you, eyes shining. "We're almost there. We ain't leaving Kansas City."

And so you relaxed as you moved closer to him, your head resting on his shoulder until a huge building with 'Sea Life' written on it with pictures of the habitats of the same appeared in front of you.You visibly paled as you realized that the Aquarium was where you were heading, thankful that Dean couldn't see your face.

"We're going in there?"

You felt him nod lightly. "Yup!"

Why he didn't notice the quiver in your voice you didn't know, but you surely heard the excitement in his as he parked the car. And that's when you decided, you were going to tough it out, everything else be damned.

After all, it wasn't everyday that you went on dates with Dean; if you could face the vampires that killed your parents, you could certainly walk through those rooms which had glass separating you from water and the creatures-

Nope, you weren't going to think about it.

But as he got out of the car and walked towards your side, offering his hand to you with a shy smile, you returned it. You climbed out of Baby, taking his hand into yours.

Well, this could work if you put all of your attention on Dean instead of, uh… your surroundings.

You could feel your heart beating loudly against your chest as you walked through the doors, Dean showing them the tickets and the hopeful look he sent your way made you swallow your apprehension and the request him to move your date someplace else. You nodded at him, somehow conjuring up a small smile for his sake.

Showing you the small catalogue, he started listing the types of the creatures that were in the aquarium, telling you that there was a special exhibit they had just built and couldn't wait to see it. You could tell that he had planned this out and you just couldn't mess it up. You knew he was loving the aquarium tour since you had seen him spending time in the Dean Cave - watching Shark week.

His hand was still in yours as he pulled you towards the first tank and you immediately closed your eyes when you saw that you were nearing the big blue filled with small blobs of other colors, not realizing that you had stopped until you felt a tug, opening them to see beautiful green orbs narrowed in concern.

"You okay, Y/N?"

You bit your bottom lip, a small "Yeah," coming out of your mouth, hoping he was convinced.

Well, as it turned out, he did. You shoved your face in his shoulder, thankful for the double layers on his skin because he couldn't feel your breaths becoming rapid as the room became colder the further you walked in, but at least you had Dean, a literal human furnace to distract you, his hand warm in yours.

"You're excited right?" His voice was giddy as he asked. "Of course," you answered, cringing at the high pitch of yours.

When you finally reached it, you left his side to go to the small metal plate at one end of the exhibit bearing the information as he looked at the fishes, "Hey Y/N, you gotta see this one, it's called an Angel fish. It looks awesome with streaks of brown and black. Don't you think it kinda looks like Cas?" You laughed at that, but you weren't going to look at the fish, not even if your life depended on it.

"Yeah! Click a picture to show Sam later. This is really interesting," you pointed at the small panel without turning your gaze.

Well that trick of yours worked for the rest of the tanks. At least for some time it worked.

Dean slipped his hand back into yours, squeezing it, "Now it's time for the special thing I told you about." You didn't know if you were feeling offended or worried that Dean didn't notice the way you were behaving.

A wry smile tugged at your lips as you saw what he was referring to. It was a dome, a tunnel you had to walk through while the water surrounded you from three sides, and you shook your head, pulling him away from the entrance of the tunnel.

"Hey, you know what Dean, we haven't kissed once during our date. It feels wrong, let's go make out in the washrooms or something." He was taken aback by your sudden brashness but he licked his lips, a smirk etching on his face, "I did think of it, but I wanna make this as cheesy as possible. I wanna kiss you on the second part of the date."

All colour drained from your skin as your eyes widened, "What second part?"

And for the first time that day, Dean frowned which made you feel bad. "I thought that this was going good. I had just planned a picnic after this. Don't worry, if you're not having fun, we can directly go home. The exit is at the end of the tunnel."

You groaned in frustration. "No, no! I'm having fun. Trust me, I am enjoying this! Now let's go." You had survived without any mishap till now and you could do this. All you had to do was walk. Or so you thought.

The moment you stepped in, Dean hurried to the glass, you decidedly not looking anywhere else but the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Y/N look, a shark!" He grabbed your face moving your head towards it and your breath caught in your throat and not in a good way.

You trembled, pushing Dean away to sit down, your head cradled in your hands as you pulled your knees closer, trying to think about something else but even with your eyes closed, the blue glow given off in the silent environment still seeped in through your eyelids and all you could think of was the big fish on the other side of the glass.

You didn't know what happened next, all you could feel was the rapid pounding of your heart, your sweaty hands and not being able to breathe.

Dean kneeled next to you, dumbstruck at how the date went sideways, unable to know what was happening or do anything, fear creeping in as he froze. Normally he was quick at thinking on gun point, but seeing you on the floor like that puzzled him. “Sweetheart, what is it?Please say something.”

You tried to talk but you couldn't. You were shaking and it was impossible for you to form any sort of coherent words. “I-out.” You choked out .And that was all it took for Dean to get into action, putting one arm under your knees and another on your back as he picked you up in bridal style, making sure that your dress was positioned properly before running out of the exit towards the Impala. He could feel you shiver in his arms, cursing under his breath as he quickly unlocked the car and sat you on the back seat.

He held your hands, rubbing your palms, blowing on them as he whispered, "Hey, look at me. You're okay. We're out of there. We're never going in again. Breathe. I'm here with you." Over and over again in your ears.

You tried matching your breath with his as you eventually calmed down. You took a few minutes as your breath evened out before you opened your eyes, only to see the worry in those beautiful green ones again.

The ride back to the Bunker was short and silent. You didn't say anything, you didn't know what to say, feeling that it was your fault as you looked at Dean's scrunched up eyebrows through your peripheral vision.

What you didn't know was that Dean felt the exact same.

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[fitmydaydream]

Apologies - Part 2

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Prompt: After Y/N storms out of Shawn's studios, she plans something which will shatter Shawn's heart.

Word Count: About 3k

A/N: So here it is lovlies!!!! I would suggest you to read the first part if you still haven't. I'm still so overwhelmed by the response Apologies got and I apologise if this sucks. Happy reading babies! I love each one of you and I really hope you like this! 💖

Hurt. Broken. Devastated. These words would all be an understatement of how you were feeling right. You were still not over the words Shawn attacked you with, creating a big issue out of a small surprise which was only meant for him.

You're not a fucking queen. Snap out of your dream! You make me sick Y/N. You're so fucking selfish and self-absorbed that I can't even tell you.

All those words kept circling your mind. You tried hard to get rid of them but they were so adamant about not leaving you alone.

You debated with yourself about what to do. You needed to clear your mind. You knew decisions taken in rage are always regrettable and have never been beneficial to anyone.

After sitting inside your car for another 5 minutes to dry your tears out, you settled on going to your favorite ice cream parlor to clear your mind out. After all, a girls gotta eat.

You pulled your car out of the parking lot quietly, careful of the fact about not letting anyone especially Shawn know that you were still here otherwise who knows that he might as well flip out again.

xx

After Shawn saw you walk out of the studio, he went inside his room and slammed his door shut, not wanting anyone to let inside. He didn't need anyone to tell him what he did was wrong because he very well knew it.

He was ashamed of himself. With every awful word he threw at you, he knew he was being less of himself and that he was breaking you inside out. He hated himself for doing that to you. For letting the anger bring out the worst of him. For saying words he never actually meant. He didn't know where that rage and those words came from. He was a completely different person. It was like an evil soul had taken over him.

Tears of realisation and regret were now streaming down his face and his throat went dry.

He hated when you were upset. He hated even more when the reason you were upset was him. And today, not only he made you upset but also hurt you so bad. He made you cry. He humiliated you in front of people.

He loved you so much. He would never do a thing to hurt you or would never let anything happen to you. You were his life. His reason to live. But today he proved it all wrong.

This stress was taking over him. It was eating his soul up. He knew it was unhealthy. He knew it would wear him out soon. You'd warned him about this. And he did what he feared the most.

He remembered how you told him not to get too engrossed in this and give yourself a break because you knew he needed one. You knew he was building up a bubble which was filled with frustration and that it's gonna burst out someday on someone which won't be nice at all. And that someday was today and that someone was you.

He cried even harder. He pulled on his hair. Hard sobs escaped his lips.

He started to think about how big of a dick he had been to you in the past months. He left you alone for most of the times. He would leave you to eat dinner alone. Somedays when you would come home from work, all tired and wore out, he wouldn't hug you or take care of you properly. He knew you'd a habit of stressing over work even when there was no need to and yet he left you to deal with it all alone. God knows how many nights you must've cried to sleep and he wasn't there to make you stop.

He didn't take care of you like he used to when you were sick and wasn't there to stop you to go to work when you'd a bad flu.

He would sometimes snap at you out of nowhere and you'd still be there for him. You were there for him through all this. You were always supportive of him. You were never selfish. He thought if anyone who was being self-absorbed it was him.

"Fuck! What did I do?" He didn't realise he'd been biting on his lips too hard until he tasted some blood in his mouth.

Fear took over him. He was afraid you would break up with him. He'd messed up big time. He feared that you would leave him without even giving him a second chance even though he wasn't worthy of one. He deserved every form of anger you'd to offer. He owed you an apology at the least.

He wasn't ready to face you after all that he'd said to you. He was ashamed of himself. He would never be able to look at himself in the mirror if he doesn't make things right today. He decided to put an end to this distance between the two of you once and for all.

He gets up and searches for his car keys. Once he gets them, he strides towards the door and gets out. Suddenly he overhears a conversation that makes him halt in his steps.

"What? Are you okay?" Brian asked you worriedly.

"Yes Brian. I'm fine. Just send in a car here or someone who can help me out except him. You don't need to tell him anything please. I don't want to see his face. Just now for the least. Please. Can you do this? Just do something sooner because it's getting a bit colder and my heater is trash." you told Brian calmly.

You never reached the ice cream parlor that you planned on going to. You were on your way, almost made it through a 20 min drive from Shawn's studio when your car showed mere signs of breaking down. But you were too deep in Shawn's thoughts that those signs were ignored by you.

A 10 minutes distance was still there to get covered when your car gradually halted and refused to move. "Wow what a beautiful day" you told yourself when you got out of your car and discovered that your it's tyre had somehow got punctured.

You yelled out of frustration because there were no petrol stations nearby and also the sun was about to set down which meant it was starting to get a bit colder than before. You searched for your jacket and remembered that you hanged it in Shawn's room behind his chair when you were waiting for him to get his work finished.

You decided that you won't let this day be your last so you debated on whether to call someone or not or seek some help from some passerby. You counted the later option out because then you could either be murdered or could possibly be dragged down a snake pit or the endless possibilities that could lead to your death just because of your little ego.

You decided to call Brian and let him know of your problem. Brian was like a brother to you. You two had so much fun together. Sometimes teasing each other and stuff. He was always supportive of you like a sister. So he was best option right then.

You called Brian and told him about your whole situation and he kind of freaked out a bit but was quick to help you.

"Okay. But stay where you are Y/N. Inside your car. Lock the doors from inside. I'm coming to get you okay? Be safe." Brian said in a concerned tone.

"Ahoy grandpa!" you slightly chuckled and hung up.

"Shut up dork" Brian told you and hung up. He turned around to get his car keys but was stopped by a tall figure. Shawn.

"Where are you going and what's up with Y/N?" Shawn asked bluntly.

Brian was still pissed at Shawn for how he treated you today. So, he avoided the question and took his car keys, ready to walk out but was again stopped by Shawn.

"I asked you something Brian. Tell me." Shawn said with a voice calmer than before.

"Do you really care about it Shawn? Because I don't think so. I thought you said some things about her? Did you forget those words?" Brian asked clearly pissed off from Shawn's attitude.

"Fuck! I know. I already feel shit about it. Could you not make me feel worse about it Brian and tell me what's up with Y/N?" Shawn sighed.

Brian debated on whether to tell Shawn or not because after all you were his girlfriend and he had every right to know that she was in trouble. He knew you were gonna hate him for sending Shawn for her help but he couldn't do anything.

"She called in to inform me that her tyre got punctured so she's stuck somewhere near Cindy's Ice cream parlor and needs help urgently."

Shawn eyes went wide and he started to panic.

"Jesus! Tell her I'm coming and to stay inside the car and lock the doors. Also tell her to put on a jacket or something as it's getting colder and she catches cold easily. I'll ve there as soon as I can. " Shawn said hurriedly and quickly ran upto his car in the parking lot.

"Oh baby! I'm sorry. I'm coming. Just keep her safe god." Shawn mumbled to himself in worry while opening the car door.

xx

"I swear to god I'm such a big idiot" you said rubbing your hands against your arms to keep yourself warm. You cursed at yourself for forgetting to bring your jacket with yourself.

You'd turned on the radio previously to keep yourself busy until Brian arrived but you quickly turned it off after two songs when they played Never Be Alone. You didn't want to hear Shawn's voice at all. So now you were just sitting there, trying to keep yourself warm and staring blankly outside the window.

You sneezed and muttered "God dammit Brian! Where are you?" you said annoyingly.

Suddenly you saw a car pull over in front of you and a tall figure appeared out of it. Assuming it to be Brian you sighed in relief. The tall figure approached you and you frowned because the closer the figure was approaching you , the lesser it looked like Brian and more of Shawn.

Your heart nearly stopped beating when you saw that it was Shawn. "Not now" you said to yourself as tears were threatening to spill from your eyes. You lowered your head so as Shawn could not see your miserable face.

Shawn reached your car panicking and lowered his built to look inside. He knocked on your window but you were too busy fighting back tears.

"Y/N? Baby? Are you okay? Are you cold? Please open the door, I'm here!" Shawn said worryingly.

You wanted to ignore him. You didn't want to even look at his face right now but there he was outside your car, knocking on your window and there was no way escaping this now. You wanted to punch Brian in the gut for sending Shawn at this moment.

You took a deep breath and decided you won't speak a word to him. Ignore his every question and just deal with him till you reach your home because you were planned it all about what you're gonna do once you get home.

You wiped your tears and lifted your face to look at him. His pretty face but eyes all swollen and red from crying. It was gonna take a lot more than courage to ignore him because you loved him so much. You hated that even when he broke your heart you were sitting there admiring his face. You wanted to touch his face and wanted to tell him it's okay. But you can't do that you told yourself.

You finally opened the car door and let yourself out of it.

Shawn took you in his arms so fast that you didn't even realise it. He ran his hands through your hair, feeling you and kissing your hair mumbling "Thank god baby! You're safe."

Tiny drops slipped out of your eyes. It was taking everything in you to not put your arms around him and tell him there was no need to worry but you resisted. This was too hard.

You pushed yourself out of his grip gradually and rubbed your face with your hands. You started walking towards Shawn's car in order to tell him to go home.

Shawn was taken aback. He looked at you walking towards his car. He was heartbroken and thought to himself now this is what it must've felt like when he pushed you off when you tried to hug him previously this day. He wiped the single tear that fell from his eye.

He jogged upto you but you were already sat inside his car and were about to close the car door when he stopped you. You looked upto him to see what he wanted. You saw him holding up his jacket for you so innocently. You really needed the jacket because it was too cold now.

He was leaning down to make you wear the jacket but you took it from his wore it yourself. Hurt evident in his body language. He stared at you and gulped whatever he was feeling. He went to the other side to sit in the driver seat and closed the door behind him.

Tension was evident in the air. You felt like you needed to get away from him right then and there but you needed to wait till you were home. This was harder than you imagined.

Shawn was looking at you with sad eyes. What did he do to you? You looked really miserable and upset and it was killing him. You were looking outside of the window when he took your hand and placed his lips upon your skin to make it warm. He used to do this whenever you felt cold. You felt a lump in your throat. He kept whispering sorrys against your skin but you didn't even look at him because you knew the moment you'll look into his eyes, you'll melt and it wouldn't even take a second for you to kiss him and make things alright. You wished it would've been this easier.

You coldly drew your hands from him and placed them inside the jacket you were wearing. Shawn didn't want to make you feel anymore comfortable so he took this as a sign of you wanting to get home sooner as possible.

The drive was silent but not awkward. This was one of those moments when you and Shawn wouldn't speak a word to each other and would rather hum along to the music happily playing except that now neither any music was playing nor you were happy.

The drive was of 20 minutes. 20 minutes of extreme silence, staring out of the window and sheer disappointment. No conversation was initiated from Shawn because he knew you needed time. But little did he know about the amount of time you needed to recover.

Shawn parked the car in your driveway and you both got out. You quickly went inside your house only to be greeted by Noah, your bestfriend standing there with a bag stuffed with your clothes.

Noah was your childhood bestfriend. You two went to the same school but seperated when you'd to go to University because you two had a two different passion to follow. But after you met Shawn and you both decided to live in together in Toronto, you were pumped up knowing you'd be living at a place only an hour away from your bestfriend.

So decided to Noah when you were waiting in your car for Brian. She picked up the phone and you greeted her with a hello. She was quick to sense that you were upset and asked you about what happened. You were hesitant to tell her but eventually gave in since she understood you a lot.

"See Y/N. I'm not trying to come in between you two and would hate myself if anything happens because of me but I would suggest you to come and stay at my house if you want. You know what I mean right? You'll have some time to yourself to clear your thoughts out and we'll figure out stuff if you'll want. It's all upto you sweetie."

You thought about it. Yes you needed some time. A short break from Shawn. You wanted to figure out the mess that had been there since the past months and wanted to make things better so you told her to pick you up from your house as soon as you arrive there and take the key which was underneath the pot and pack up most of your clothes because you didn't know how much of a long break were you going to need.

You heard Shawn walk upto your door and when he saw Noah holding a bag stuffed with your clothes, his eyes started brimming and he stood there with fear written all over his face.

"Y/N? I-Is this what I think it is?" Shawn stuttered.

You didn't say anything and looked to the floor. Tears were starting to escape your eyes and you felt so helpless.

Shawn came close to you and held your arms in order to make you look at him.

"Y/N? Baby?" His voice broke. "Please tell me this is not what I'm thinking it to be please say it?" He begged you to tell him this was unreal.

You slightly nodded and looked the other way with tears now streaming down your face. It was too hard. You can't even look at his poor face right now.

Shawn opened his mouth to speak but the words didn't seem to come out of his mouth somehow. This was all to much to take in. His throat went dry and he wasn't able to think straight.

You tried to get out of his grip but he was too strong.

"Y/N you can't do this. You can't leave me love. I need you. I fucking need you baby. I love you so much. I know what I said was pathetic and I don't even deserve a chance to explain myself for what I said because it was so bloody sick and pathetic. But I swear I love you. Give me a chance love. That's all I'm asking for please I'm gonna make it all better I prom-" Shawn cried but was interrupted.

"Promise? What promise Shawn? And a chance? A chance to remind me of how pathetic I am? Remind me of how sick and selfish I am? Remind me of how fucking pathetic and unsupportive I've been of despite putting your work and you above everything? Above every fucking person? I don't need you to remind me of that again Shawn! I know that!" You yelled.

"No no no-" hard sobs escaped Shawn's mouth.

"Shut it Shawn! Please stop. Say no more. Everything's a mess right now. Do you even have an idea of what I've been feeling like since the past months Shawn?" you said with a finger resting on his chest.

"Do you know what it feels like to have dinner alone even after you've a boyfriend who lives with you? Huh? What it feels like to cry yourself to sleep every night? What it feels like to wake upto an empty bed even though you've your lover living with you? No Shawn you don't know that. Because I know what it feels like to be the one who is ignored by the other one who pretends that he's the only one living in this goddamn house. You don't even acknowledge my existence Shawn. Who are you?" you were now speaking with so much emotions that you weren't even sure whether you were angry or sad.

"I wouldn't hesitate to say I still love you Shawn after all the things you said to me and I hate myself for it." your voice cracked.

"How can you say such a thing when I was the one who was suffering from insecurities and anxiety about our relationship Shawn! I fake consoled myself everyday that No! You still love me and care about me but guess what? I was wrong. My whole days and nights revolve around you Shawn and you went ahead and called me selfish? Why Shawn why? You broke my heart in the blink of an eye Shawn. What did I even do to deserve this?" you whimpered.

Shawn fell to the ground on his knees in defeat. He didn't know what to say to you because every word that was coming out of your mouth was 100% true except the fact that Shawn didn't love you. Shawn loved you with everything he had and maybe he forgot to show it all. Shawn wrapped his arms around your leg and broke down in tears.

"I know baby I know. I know I've been the greatest dick to you. And I deserve every worst thing you've to say to me. I deserve it all. But Y/N please don't leave me. I will be lost without you. I might have forgot every way to tell you I love you but I swear to god I still do. I care about you. Just don't leave me. Let me make this all better. Let me put an end to all your miseries. I promise I wouldn't treat you like shit this time. I'm so afraid to lose you Y/N so fucking afraid!" Shawn cried.

"Shawn it's too late. I've already made up my mind. Don't make this harder than it is. Please let me go. I want to figure things out of this mess. You can take care of yourself for right now" you said crying and pulling yourself out of his grip around your legs.

"No baby I don't want to please just stay Y/N just stay" Shawn was really heartbroken at this point. His life was shattered right now because he didn't know whether Y/N even wanted to stay with him anymore, even in the future. She was his lifeline and the only thing that motivated him every morning even when he didn't show it.

You finally pulled out of his grip and placed a hand over your mouth to not let the scream out which was building within you. This was hurting way too much. You signalled Noah to follow you and just like that, you disappeared.

Shawn laid there on the ground with his broken and sore heart unable to process what just happened with him. You were gone. The light of his life was gone.

xx

Part 3? Also, what did you guys think of this? MASTERLIST