#i'm looking into it For A Reason
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There seems to be a general malaise on most of Tumblr about TikTok getting banned in the United States.
I understand the problems, "brain rot", whatever but- A government banning a social media app that opened the world for many people is legitimately scary and upsetting. Say what you want but, there are MANY global and local issues that would not have gotten the same traction, recognition, and outreach without TikTok.
And then add to this that Meta/Facebook was one the largest lobbyists working to get TikTok banned... Like- I think folks should be more concerned about the implications of what this means, especially since the ban goes into effect the day before inauguration.
#Its more than “a silly dance app”#Gave Americans and others a first hand look into international issues such as Palestine and Ukraine#TikTok was a HUGE part of the BLM movement in 2020#luigi mangione#We saw things happen in real time we wouldn't have known as much about without everyday TikTok users posting and reporting on things#Further censorship like this is REALLY scary#If they can get rid of TikTok for the reasons theyre trying what happens next#tiktok#tiktok ban#2025#I know what I'm saying isn't perfect but just I'm worried and upset
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He was feeling left out
and the higher rez stills, since gifs always export as if you're sending messages through a metal can~







#you may be wondering why I put so much effort into this#I'm curious too funny how these things happen sometimes#anyways I think omega has jets on his back that would let him fly but consider: he wants to Look Cool#shadow the hedgehog#rouge the bat#omega e123#sxsg#sonic x shadow generations#team dark#sxsg spoilers#sonic#idk how long I need to tag spoilers but I'll be nice#comic#having the camera shifted towards shadow for the middle bit was a Mistake#he is soooo much harder to draw than rouge asl;dkfj#like one degree off on the eyes and it becomes unviable I swear#except for profiles ironically that first panel was easy as hell#looking back on this I love how I Completely changed how I drew rouge's wings after the first panel#I think the difference was I just swapped refs and her character model was different lol#meanwhile I'm just blatantly cheating shadow's wings for the middle panel purely to fit them in at all#I truly love how oversized they are except for when I'm trying to make a readable composition#yet another reason he should've been back to the camera rather than facing it in the middle but so it goes#my art#doodles
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Final manifestations for Book 7?
I'm trying REALLY hard not to build up any solid expectations, because I wanna go in ~fresh~! they're already so far away from anything I thought would happen (not in a bad way, I'm just accepting that I'm on Miss Yana's Wild Ride at this point and we're seeing this thing through 'til the end, by gum). so it's nothing too major, but:
they've been handing new crying expressions out like candy lately, I want to see some delicious Malleus tears.
honestly I want everyone to cry buckets. their tears sustain me. the more Silver angst specifically I get the happier I am.
SILVER!!!! 👏 VANROUGE!!!! 👏
just let him have this. the poor boy's been through so much. let him have his big "I'm proud of you, son" moment with Lilia.
I'm 100% expecting Grim's arc (and probably whatever's going on with Crowley) to be its own episode, but a nice hook to leave us hanging on would be good!
a nice hook though, please, I don't think I can take another "Grim is attacking us! now wait eight months to find out what happens :)" cliffhanger...
some Meleanor? as a treat? just a little bit, a tiny quick flashback or something, please Twst I just, I just want to see her again. let her have a little ghost cameo like Dawnathan Knight got. Lilia and his kids are all having their big group hug or whatever and she can gently fade in to be all like
(turning asks off until I'm done playing, SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE Y'ALL)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#one last chance for me to be wrong about everything!#(no it's good i am enjoying it SO much) (just stomping right down on all of my personal like buttons with its whole weight)#(it's just also VERY good at totally subverting all of my expectations)#i don't think we're actually gonna get a permanently dehorned malleus though#just because it feels like an insane thing to remove the most iconic part of one of the most iconic characters of the game#but i could see like...a temporary thing ala raisin vil#or a permanent smaller change like cracks/chips or something (kintsugi horns would be super cool actually)#but i do think it's more likely we'll find some way to keep the status quo re:horn design#if this was the END-end of all of twst then maybe but they still wanna sell merch of this guy so they can't change his design TOO much#i am sorta wondering if he might get a bit of a power nerf though? take him down from ridiculously overpowered to just normal overpowered#idk they made a point of saying the horns were specifically what caused the weather stuff#and the weather stuff has been called out in particular as one of the reasons why mal being so stupidly magical makes him pretty unhappy#everyone's scared of him all the time and he has to actively try not to accidentally kill people when he gets upset#so. idk. maybe it was just a little worldbuilding. but i thought it was interesting they brought that up was all!#me: i'm not going to form any expectations (writes a whole thing speculating on the fate of malleus' horns)#look it's now or never okay#that end of episode rhythmic better be SO cute because i'm already losing my entire head over this
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Needle Felt Siffrin Build Log: (oct 6 - nov 20, 2024)
Credits goes wholely to @insertdisc5 for creating ISAT and siffrin's design! I am just here to attempt to make cool fanart (and get more people to play isat.. my devious plans are going great so far :3) As always, this isn't a tutorial- it is just a log about how i go about approaching a sculpture and I hope this collection of resources can help others make their own sifs!!
PSA: this has some spoilers for endgame CGs/sprites on my references image board ( also might see it in the backgrounds of my process pics). And bc this is needle felting, you will see some sharp needles! beware!
my inspiration was the intro cutscene where Sif eats the star, so my main goal was to adhere to the style of ISAT as closely as possible while transfering it to 3D space. And I knew i also wanted to try making the cloak for stopmotion purposes, so my process was tailored towards having control over the fabric with wire inlaid within the cloak (more on that later).
I ended up not sticking eyebrows on top of siffrin's bangs lol but anyways, first order of business is Gather Reference! v important. pureref is free and an awesome program. I also do some sketches to visualize the pose and important details i wanted to include in the sculpt.
behold the isat wiki gallery page! tawnysoup wrote an awesome ISAT style guide that absolutely rings true in 3d space too!! adrienne made a sif hair guide here!! (sorry i couldnt find the original link, but it's on the wiki). It says ref komaeda hair so that's what i looked at, along with other adjacent hairstyles! I also like doing drawovers on in progress photos to previs shapes n stuff to get a better idea of the end result.
Also if you're like me and struggle with translating stuff into 3D space, take a look at how people make 3d models and figurines! sketchfab is also a great resource! I looked at the link botw model by Christoph Schoch here for hair ref. (I used Maya, but there's a blender version too ! you can pose characters too if your model has been rigged!)
Face:
Started off blocking out the main shapes of eyelids and iris, and then filling in the colour details in the iris and the star highlights before moving onto adding thin black outlines and eyelashes. I didn't take many in-progress photos cause i kept ripping stuff out to redo them many many times, sorry!! This eye took about 3 hrs bc i just wasn't happy with it!! Sometimes it do be the vibe to give up, go to bed and see how it looks in the morning (more often than naught, it looks fine and it was the "dont trust yourself after 9pm" speaking)

The Mouth:
Couldn't decide if i even wanted to add a mouth as per usual with all my humanoid sculptures.. but i did some drawover tests first to see what expression i liked and to try to visualize it from multiple angles. (I was also testing the placement of stars on the hat brim here)
And then I redid the mouth like 3 times cause the angle just wasn't right (this went on for about the course of a week yay!)
Hair: woe baldfrin be upon ye


I made the hair strands individually first, and then since Sif has some of the hair at the back dyed black, i covered some of the tips with black wool (manually) (I think it would go much faster if i just took a marker to it, but hahaha i love pain and detailing!! )
And then the rest of it was positioning strands with sewing pins layer by layer, always looking at it from different multiple angles- sometimes tailoring the angle or swoop of individual hair flippies. At one point I thought the back looked too cluttered, but the hat covers a lot of it anyways!! yay for hiding mistakes! (imo this is a similar process to how cosplayers style wigs, but on a smaller scale and the same level of time consuming)
As always, look to your reference for guides, and I always do a whole bunch of drawovers over in progress photos to ascertain what was working and what wasn't.
Hat:
A trick to get a super pointy tip, make another tip seperately while keeping the connection point unfelted, and then combine the two to make super pointy hat!! (this also helps if you made the hat too short and need it to be taller. ask me how i know)
The embroidery on the hat brim was done in a hoop and then invisible stitched to the felted top portion. Technically you don't need a hoop but it helps keep the fabric tension, so you avoid puckers in your embroidery. You can also use iron-on stabilizer if your fabric is loose weave or particularly thin. this is the tutorial i used for the stars embroidery! particularly the fly stitch one, french knots, and the criss-cross stitches. highly recommend needlenthread for embroidery stitches and techniques! i learned all my embroidery from this single site alone.

For fabric, I think I used a polycotton i had in my stash,, unsure of the actual fiber content bc i bought it a long time ago. I used DMC Satin floss which was nice and subtle shiny but frayed a lot so it was kind of a pain to stitch with... but keep a short thread length and perservere through it!! After the embroidery was done, I folded up the raw edges and invisible sewed it to the top portion of the hat.
General shape:
Ok general structure of the body is this: wire armature body covered with black wool -> cloak lining & wire cage -> edge of lining is invisibly sewn to the main cloak at the hem -> head
Don't be afraid to mess around with the pattern, it's essentially a pizza with a slice taken out of it to form a steep cone shape!! Use draft paper before cutting into felt to save material! (i think i made like 3 cloaks before i was happy with the shape lol).
You can also hide the seam of the cloak and collars by gently messing up the fibers of the felt with your fingers or a felting needle btw! you can also sandpaper the seams according to Sarah Spaceman in this vid (highly recommend them for their in depth cosplay/crafting builds holy smokes), though since sif cloak is at such a smol scale, I just blended the seam with my felting needle.
For the lining wire cage section, I sewed in wire around the cloak, so the main rotation point is at the top neck area under the collar. These paddles are used to keep whatever pose I need the cloak to be in for stopmotion purposes. Then after the wire is done, I invisibly sewed the lining to the cloak at the hem (same technique as the hat brim to the lining there).
In hindsight, I should've used a thinner fabric for the lining, but i only had sheer white in my stash so had to go with double felt, thus resulting in a really bulky lining but oh well!

Heels:
started with the general boot shape, then tacking on the diamond shape heel stack and also diamond shape sole bc we're committed to the bit here. I skewer the boot onto the armature which also conveniently hides the connection point into the base to keep the whole thing upright and also I can rotate the boot to tweak the angle if needed.

Pins:
I kinda just trial and error'd jewellery wire with pliers into the pin shapes. They're itty bitty!! had a whole bunch of fails before i got two nice ones. A hot tip is to use needle nose pliers and wrap the wire around the tip to get a smooth circle shape!

Base:
I smoothed out the edge of a circular wood base with a dremel, and then used wood stainer to get the black colour. It ended up kinda looking like I took a sharpie to it, but whatever.... now i have a whole ass can of black wood stainer........ I then made a rough mountain of black wool and stuck the feet armature in. And now he's standing!!

Normally at this point when I'm done felting everything, to get a smooth finish, I'd take a small pair of scissors and carefully snip away any flyaway fibers, but this time, I just left them fluffy cause i think that's what sif would do :3c
Photoshoot:
Normally I do shoots using daylight but it was winter so the sun was nonexistent. So I broke out the home lighting setup aka dollarstore posterboard for a nice smooth background, and then hit it with the overhead Fill, side Fill 2, and Rim light, and use white paper/posterboard for bounce light if one side feels too dark. But if things are overexposed, you can move the light sources away until the harshness dims down. I'm using a Olympus mirrorless camera (handed down to me by my sibling so i dont remember the model exactly), which can connect to my phone as a remote so I can avoid shaking the camera when i take photos. Pretty nifty for stopmotion purposes! (yes my camera stand is a stack of notebooks, a tissuebox and some eva foam under the lens, don't judge me)


Stopmotion animation:
I'm still figuring stopmo out on my part, but my process was straight ahead animation ... move the cloak a cm, take a pic.... move another cm, click.... and repeat until i get a version I was happy with. My ref was the cloak animation from Gris (beautiful game btw). The 2d star animation was also done straight ahead using procreate, exported in png with a transparent background, and finally stitched together with the stopmotion footage in photoshop.
My turnarounds are also stopmotion! also secret hack, the turntable is a fidget spinner sticky tacked to a cake platter.
And i think that's all! i mainly wanted to share how I go about thinking about taking a 2d concept and moving it to 3D. I also didn't go in depth into how to actually do the needle felting bc I don't think I''d be very helpful I'm a very good teacher by telling yall to just keep stabbing until it looks right (i'm self taught for this hobby),,, if anyone wants it though, i can share a bunch of tutorials and other felters' process that helped me learn more needle felting!
Hopefully this was helpful to someone! Feel free to send asks if ya got any questions or if anything needs clarification! Or show me your works! I love seeing other people's crafts :3
here have a cookie for making it this far 🥐
#in stars and time#siffrin#isat#isat siffrin#isat fanart#needle felt#soft sculpture#know that i am devouring all the nice words yall leave in the tags/comments of my posts :holding back tears:#I hesitate to call this a tutorial bc this is just how i fumble my way through crafting anything lmao#the only reason I know how long I worked on a project are timestamps on wip photos and however long the day's video essay or letsplay is#sorry time is immaterial when i get into crafting mode#reason why this log is so late is bc after i finish a project i'm perpetually hit with the ray of 'i dont ever want to look at this again'#hence why photos never get edited#AND THIS POST SAT IN MY DRAFTS FOR 2 MONTHS DUE TO BLOODBORNE BRAINROT SORRY#done is better than perfect!!!#sorry i dont control the braincell#sorry for using a million exclaimation points! i am not good at this.. conveying my anxiety in written form!!! my toxic trait
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I like to think that after the Eclipse Cannon, Robotnik would try to show his love and appreciation more openly!
I also like to think that he would do it terribly and it would backfire constantly.
#stobotnik#agent stone#doctor ivo robotnik#sonic movie 3#I'm sorry you're sad stone but in my defense it is very funny#i also considered making it something like#R: I couldn't care less about you!#(becasue he has tried and it didn't work)#S: 💔#they look very round and weird because this joke warranted it okay?#don't worry though as with most things regarding the doctor stone will learn to read it correctly#everyone else will think robotnik is randomly attacking him for no reason tho#ivo is very proud of himself can you tell?#and about that little stone on the list#i wanted his head to be shaped like a paper cup#and yes he's surrounded by hearts. this is Robotnik's list he can put whatever he wants there
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what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually
#ramble#please let this be a fucking joke#i cannot imagine being this out of touch#YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE ART TAKES FUCKING EFFORT AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DO ENJOY IT ACTUALLY#the phrase 'labour of love' exists for a reason#i sat and watched my grad film on repeat for days when it was done bc i was so proud that my hundreds of hours paid off#I DON'T MAKE ART TO SIT AND LOOK AT IT#I MAKE IT BECAUSE I PUT TIME AND LOVE INTO IT AND I GET TO LOOK AT IT AND BE LIKE I MADE THAT WITH MY HANDS!!! AND MY BRAIN#GOD FORBID YOU PUT A SECOND OF WORK INTO ANYTHING IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE ANYMORE YOU USELESS FUCK????#i'm so sorry i'm unreasonably mad about this#is it crazy for me to say that you should have to do some things in your life?????? god forbid you read your own emails#what are you DOING how fucking LAZY can you be????#and that is NOT a word i ever want to use but this is the DEFINITION of lazy#kids with adhd aren't lazy. tech bros wanting the exact same things that people have worked years for at the push of a button are lazy#i actually need to go and put my face in grass i'm so upset#thankfully. basically every musician who saw this shut it the fuck down and told him he was an idiot so that's nice
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"karasu search how 2 cheer human up"
"karasu search difference between sad human and zoning out human"
"karasu search how long is it safe for humans to zone out for?"
(+ a longer look at each scene:)
#art#gif#obey me#this was meant to be a quick test. it was not quick. i think this is was the longest i've spent on drawing something since rolling ik#for some reason procreate keeps fucking up the colours on export and i'm too tired to figure out how to make it stop#can you tell that satan and lucifer were animated first?#funnily enough satan showing ik his book was pretty simple but lucifer walking was like. impossible. he kept turning out fucked up#i was so worn out by the end of it that everyone else's animations are way simpler#(the walk still doesn't look right but i've made peace with that.... i should've done some tutorials or smth first)#(such is my hubris: when i try to do new art things it's mainly by brute-forcing my way through it and hoping it works)#jtta ik#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#anyway i'd like to experiment more with trying to animate things in future so!! look forward to that?
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How to talk to short people: Faerun Edition

#baldur's gate 3#bg3#raphael bg3#raphael the cambion#tav#bg3 tav#I love Amber so much#She wildly underestimates how non-threatening she looks#She may be small but her ego is almost as big as Raphael's#for some reason tumblr compression is especially merciless today I'm sorry
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tfw you fall in love with the magicless prefect that keeps running around campus 🤦♀️
#aceyuu#just in case u cant read my shit writing ;#Ace: Y-you! Grim is doing a terrible job at taking care of you while I'm gone! Your hair is a mess... Let me fix it...#Yuu: “Thank you Ace.”#Ace: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#twisted wonderland#ace trappola#ace trappola x yuu#twst#disney twst#twst ace#nyuudle#oc x canon#twst oc#twst yuu#my art#pupheart#2025#hi i love aceyuu so much i think abt them even tho im not even into twst as much anymore#something abt their dynamic kills me soooo good liikeeee fuckkkww#WHO DOES HE THINK HE ISSS#my yuu is constantly overworked cuz she feels like she needs to compensate. like she doesnt mind being burned out but theres a reason why-#-she always looks a little scrunkly. she has no time for self care she just helps people constantly no matter what#ace doesnt like that
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just to be completely clear, the amount of military power and political influence Israel has has NOTHING to do with its settlers being Jewish. Israel is a force for American & European interests in the region and they're just doing what America does and allows/encourages its close allies to do.
war crimes aren't considered war crimes when someone America finds useful is doing them. european and american pushback against anyone criticizing Israeli apartheid & genocide is 100% because these crimes are useful to American & European hegemony.
Governments that are deeply antisemitic, like France, aren't suddenly caring about Jewish people. Jewish people, persecuted the world over, don't hold some kind of hegemonic power outside of Israel.
The state of Israel and its attendant brutal treatment of the locals are both incredibly useful to the US, and American hegemony means we're expected to celebrate both.
not bc they're Jewish. this isn't a break in the pattern of western antisemitism and it's not evidence that antisemitism doesn't exist.
it's just like how you could get fired for saying shit against the US war in Afghanistan when i was growing up. it is 100% about US military and political interests (ok slightly western europe too but lbr)
#this widespread support has NOTHING to do w Israelis being Jewish apart from evangelicals wanting to use them as pawns for armageddon#the primary reason this is all being treated like it's ok is cuz it's useful to the usa#i feel like this post is going to bring terrible ppl into my inbox but i'm gonna leave it rebloggable for now#if our (US+EU) governments push back at all it will be because it stops being useful to us#either because Israel isn't doing this as quickly & efficiently as promised and it looks like Palestine might actually do some damage#or if it otherwise becomes too politically costly by causing too much tension between the US & other nationstates#either allies like Saudi or if states we aren't quite ready to have war w seem to be ready to throw down over it
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doves x showtime
#another pigeon post! for that is all I'm interested in atm (cruel and horrible fate of mine)#vbs is the last in line... but maybe my procrastination wins (hopefully) and i distract myself with wof au (please)#anyways!time for the most important part: Tsukasa is diluted ash red t-check Danzig Highflyer with cravat. He's the reason why Saki has#those traits. Emu is a grizzled ash-red bar birmingham roller. Such a obvious choice. Birmis are small and they're rollers which are so ver#much Emu. The grizzle admitedly looks more like a fucked up lahore pie tho... Nene is a blue check chinese owl (primarily visual choice) an#Rui is a blue english magpie pigeon (because they're peculiar birds. Not to mention their tumbler origins which is something wxs (trust)#welp I'll head to sleep now#art#my art#project sekai#prsk#hatsune miku colorful stage#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#wondershow#tsukasa tenma#emu otori#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#pigeon#prsk pigeons
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Pre-lobotomy hajime is fun because he's back to being fully a bit of an idiot
#an art#fuyuhiko kuzuryu#hajime hinata#kuzuhina#Bartender AU BTW#I have found an AU that I can comfortably make more regular-romantic#And it's important in this AU that Fuyuhiko is on the sidelines lusting hard from day 1#Hajime: for some reason there's a new rule that I shouldn't roll down my sleeves. To keep them clean I guess?#Fuyuhiko: huh yeah I guess that makes sense your boss is probably just looking at- OUT. For. His assets.#(Sometimes I'm too vague so Hajime assumes that blondie has contact with the owner of the bar and gets what he wants)
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Shark toothed mermaid didn't know how to kiss her sailor crush
#It's okay she figures it out later. Obviously. Looks at my other merpearl art#I like to imagine Gem was just sitting around and Pearl just bit her for no reason as far as she's aware#wanted to try and actually color a salmon Pearl but was also throwing this um. idea around in my head and now I'm here#gempearl#shinyduo#thank you to Liauditore for their sailor Gem design that I'm continuing to use because I hate outfit design#artistic nudity#I guess#hermitshipping#tubby art
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ANNIVERSARY GROOVY BOYBAND! THEY ALL LOOK SO GOOD, I also love the hades reference with idia! Ik ur probably really swamped with the book 7 brain rot but I wanted to know ur thoughts. I also wanted to mention that I am so card deprived I feel like I need a replacement event to take tsumderlands place
AUGH NO I LOVE THEM. 😭 UGH now I really have to think about if I want to try pulling for Grim again. dangit. heck. I already got his little pedestal to add my guest room shrine, but...now I kinda need the boss himself...
also, the implications of it not being an OB thing, Idia can just. Do That? apparently? do you think he ever just sometimes does it by accident? what am I saying, he absolutely sometimes does it by accident.
gosh though. this event has been SO cute in general! I was wondering who'd get the focus for year 5; I could not be happier that the answer is apparently EVERYBODY. :D all the dorms get their own special songs! so many cute little scenes!!! the lowest of stakes bringing out the highest of pettiness in everyone!!!!!! it's excellent.
(also, because I will make literally anything about my diaboys...I know these events are typically sorta, let's say chronologically unmoored with regards to story. but the further implications that this takes place pre-episode 7/Malleus' Big Existential Crisis, and yet...some of these lines?)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twst 5th anniversary#i hope that's the correct tag for filtering purposes#anyway gacha continues to have me in a bind#i have scrambled up enough keys/gems that i could hit the 100 pity mark on ONE pickup#so now i have to choose between grim or silver#with the caveat of course that i might end up not getting either#(or hoping i might magically somehow get another 31 keys to hit 150 on the anniversary medal pickup to trade for masqueralleus)#(this is extremely unlikely but if we don't have hope we have nothing)#uggggh i hate decisions#on the one hand. look at silver's card. just LOOK at it.#and i could absolutely use a void-typed attack card! especially with that duo!#but also my sweet grimbleshanks in his little sparkly blazer...#how can i possibly say no to the boss#i feel like if i had managed either platinum grim or armor sebek that would've decided it for me for collection reasons but NO#the pulls have just been an unmitigated disaster all around#the way this has been going i'm going to go all in on one of them and come out with yet another dorm trey#and then five minutes later they'll announce white rabbit rerun with froufrou fluffy bunnies leona and malleus#truly...f2p mobage is suffering#i had also kinda been thinking if i didn't get anything i might buy that malleus figure once it went up for preorder...#(i do not allow myself to spend money on gacha because. i know myself. but i will buy ALL the overpriced merch)#i forgot just how STUPID overpriced those figures are though#it is a really nice figure though...and it'll only be worse on the secondhand market...#i mustn't. i won't. but also.#hey twst feel free to make this up to me by giving me that fluffy bunny malleus after all okay
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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Those souls from Lust grabbed him for a reason
#the reason is guilt but we don't have time to unpack that#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#I wanted Charles to look very silly#honestly man what did you expect#at this point i'm just drawing fanfiction prompts i think#creating dumb magical little trinkets is very fun
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