#i'm ready to get hurt again
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You're getting one more chance, IDW.
#I'm ready to get hurt again#i always said idw did classic better than modern this is the final test of that i suppose#if it sucks i'm done for good
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the fact that I've actually cried to the Nyako/Power flashback even though I knew the outcome....... still 😢
#not sure how i'll survive when shit hits the fan but#i'm ready to get hurt again#or whatever the meme was
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Thank you. I'm sorry.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jin guangyao#lan wangij#jin ling#LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands.#It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone.#What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again!#Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes.#Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY.#Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly.#What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things#than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person?#What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white?#When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not.#It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible.#This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down.#And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs#He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it.#And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep
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The very funny thing about having finally recovered from depression after being depressed for literally decades is. Even though I'm no longer depressed. My kneejerk initial reaction when I get overwhelmed is like "fuck it time to die" and then, because I have spent a lot of time and intention and money on therapy, my IMMEDIATE next thought is "no you won't babe, eat some broccoli. Go for a run. Go see ur friends" and the moment I've done any combination of those things I'm like singing showtunes about how good life is. Like ok brain i understand you spent the last fifteen years in a critical state but maybe we can do the broccoli first next time. Vegetables before defaulting to Habitual Symptoms please.
#Mental health#depression#Suicide mention#It's like when you heal from an injury.#A while back I fucked up my knee.#Limped on it for weeks#And it hurt for longer#To the point where I was always mentally bracing whenever i stood up from a chair#Ready to hurt#So that when i “graduated” physical therapy#I was still bracing every single time i moved#Ready for it to hurt. But it didn't#And like. Will that injury still tweak a little sometimes? If I Don't Take Care Of it?#Yeah. But it's almost totally gone. And for months I was shocked every time I braced to hurt and there was nothing there#So when I get stressed i like. Preemptively brace to be suicidal#to hate myself and my life again#And then .... I'm kind of surprised when I... don't.#I know my depression is cured because i know what it feels like to be depressed. Just like i know what it's like to hurt.#And the absence still strikes me sometimes#the way the sun shines through a gap in the trees that's created when you cut down something diseased and dead.#And you're like. God rays. For years there was a shadow here and now there are sunbeams.#No-- there were always sunbeams.
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my copy of the monster baru comorant came in and i'm finally about to start reading
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hiya l'il-- medium?...large?? Assorted Sizes-Guy
oh thanks! i could always use more spices-
. what am i supposed to do with this.
#surrounded by henchmen (smaller Me's) i peer reproachfully into my inbox#2: ...get him pregnant?#*slaps 2 upside the head* you absolute GOON he's ALREADY pregnant we can't get him DOUBLE pregnant#2: well... why not? if creatures can have two uteri then i don't see why--#Me: *drags my hand down my face* yes i know but. just. dont#3: Picture this. your snake wife is so full and round (because who knows how many snakelets are in there)#3: one day he has to stop working much earlier than usual. u kno. cuz of the MASS. and he starts getting insecure about his body changes#3: so he touches his tummy . looks up at you with those big eyes and murmurs 'am i... unsightly like this?'#3: and u whisper reassurances to him while kissing his face#3: then u promptly rail him on the nearest comfortable surface to erase any doubt of him being unattractive#Me: ..............WHAT THE FUFK?#3: *shrugs aggressively while maintaining eye contact*#Me: NO. pregnancy isn't even our kink. why are we-#3: not YOUR kink maybe#Me: *incredulous stare* how the-- you know what . Go to the timeout zone. i'm not dealing with this today#4: the ask says 'snakumo' though. Wouldn't he be in snake form then...?#3: so? THIS CHANGES NOTHING.#Me: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#3: *rolls eyes and mutters while walking away*#5: who's greg?#4: dude you can't be serious. if WE know the meme then YOU know the meme#5: i'm serious. i haven't been online in 16 years#4: look. when you wonder if sex will hurt baby top of head-#Me: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS?#2: because we are currently engaged in a circle of ppl squicked by pregnancy... who must make pregnancy jokes#4: it's all about the joke potential ya see. gigglemaxxing#Me: *massaging my temples* i'm not ready to be a father. i never will be.#6: KNOCK HIM UP AND EAT HIS EGGS SO U CAN KNOCK HIM UP AGAIN. NO ONE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE A FATHER !#3: (muffled from a distance) HELL YEAH BROTHER#Me: SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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How will Last Twilight hurt my feelings? Let me count the ways.
One
That's it.
Mark Pakin will hurt my feelings because he always hurts my feelings. Oh, and Sea's side profile.
#mark pakin hurts my feelings#last twilight#I'm not ready Aof#but tell me when and I'll get ready#I've gotten Tee and Jojo#now it's your turn again sir
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Am I Into This Person But Very Nervous About It, Or Just Going Along For The Ride Because Idk What I Want - And Other Paralyzing Questions To Haunt Your Weekend!
#hhhhhhhhhghhhhghhhhh#man.#its like. i really like this person as a friend and i dont wanna lose her right#and i djd at one point go “hoohoo what if i had a crush on her heehee” bc im weird n i think that abt p much anyone my age i get close to#but ive been very happy having her as my friend and it was so unexpected when she asked me out#and i genuinely cant tell what i want#and like. am i ready to date again. am i just nervous because i dont wanna get hurt again. do i actually feel that way abt her for real.#is this like a “hey lets try this thing out see what happens n if it doesnt work we'll still be friends” kinda thing#or a “I'm really into you and i want to date and ill be disappointed if it doesn't work out” kinda thing on her part....#i know im overthinking this and its probably gonna be fine and im just really not used to casual dating but. aughhhhhhhh#the agonies
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I'm kinda jealous of people who've said that being on T hasn't changed their voices much. I'm unemployed so the stuff i do keep myself from going insane is really important to me...one of those things being singing.
And like, before anyone says anything, i knew about voice changes on T. But it's different for everyone, and I wouldnt know exactly how it would affect my voice till I started.
And well, I seem to have completely lost my mid to high range 🙁. It's not even just out of tune or something, nothing comes out except crackly squeaky noises and almost every song I love to sing to is in that mid range.
So while i love the deeper talking voice, i am pretty depressed right now about losing my regular singing voice :(
#I tried reading someone's story about losing their regular singing voice on T#because it's a positive piece of writing that's ultimately saying they enjoy singing again....but in a lower register#but I'm not ready to hear that yet I'm still in the depressed phase#and dont get it twisted everything else has been mostly ok it's just this one thing#it hurts#skip talks
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I cared. I still do. I still think of you and I still cry over you. You were importat to me. You still are.
#I was interested. I wanted to get to know you.#I did not want validation. I only said it because you said it... I don't know why. I was susceptible.#I was blindly accepting certain things that you said about me. Judgement that you had for me.#I was under severe stress from my job at the time; while at the same time dealing with unresolved emotional trauma and very low self worth.#I was burnt out. Crushed... Completely.#I didn't want attention. I did not want you to cure my depression. I though I was just letting you know me. I wasn't aware I was oversharin#I tried... SO HARD to get over the things that triggered me and hurt me but I just couldn't...#I wanted to. I did everything in my might; I took it to therapy; I looked everywhere within me; to either get over it#or completely forget about you and stop caring at all; so things were ok and normal again; but it didn't go away...#I just feel so... unsafe... at the idea of talking again#I know I wasn't the best listener and I profoundly regret that.#I was not only thinking about myself like you said and I was aware of the effort that other's put; but I was afraid/resistant to PRECISELY#that cause of past events with other people. Because in some I was the one putting that effort and ended badly for me. Looking back#that was inappropiate of you because you felt too comfortable generalizing my past relationships and why in your head they failed.#“I cant help but feel you are looking down on people who” Stay away from me if you ever make a stretch like this again.#By “experiment” I meant that you don't know how a relatioship with somebody is gonna turn out until you go and try. That's all I meant.#I didn't want things to turn out this way. I'm sorry they did.#The effort I put for you may have been shit to you. But to me it was a lot. And I'm done taking judgement.#Altho I love my friends I still keep distance. I still can't completely help that. I can go months not talking to my BF.#You were my BF during my teenage years. I remembered you fondly. I still do.#I don't feel ready to talk again having to keep to myself interest that I might have. Related to trauma. I do not feel comfortable with tha#No I do not look at your blogs.#The day I said I was abused I had a panic attack right after that. That's mainly why I had to cut contact: I didn't want another one.#I didn't tell you because I didn't trust you to not say “talk to the void” again. I didn't trust you to want to hear about it. I didnt feel#safe with you anymore. Event tho we ressumed contact I felt that way the entire time.#I wanted to answer all the questions you had; I really did; until I couldn't stand it anymore.#And the day I removed you from discord... I know you probably had an awful day that day... I'm so; so sorry...#I'd like to one day be completely unbothered by assumptions and stuff cuz I know it's not your fault... You went through stuff too...#vent#stuff
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i so badly wanna js post the sero angst now so u can read it omg
HAHSHUAHA do whatever you want ml 😋 like I said, I'm more than willing to wait for your fics!!!
#AAAAAAH I'M SO SO EXCITED TO READ IT THOUGH!!!#I'm ready to get hurt again fr#🖇️frans; [ answers !! ]#🖇️frans; [ moots !! ]#𐙚 elle my love !!
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AkkAyan in Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse (2023) | ep.1
Why do you like to stir up my anger then? ... / ... You know I can’t resist you when you’re angry. I’m telling you in case you don’t know. When you sulk and look at me with those sparkling eyes, you’re super cute.
#our skyy 2#the eclipse#our skyy 2 x the eclipse#akkayan#*gifs#took a deep breath and got ready to write a piece of my mind#and then life happened (again)#so i'm just gonna drop this before tonight's episode airing#another favorite part of mine: akk & aye doing another side of boyfriending#not gonna lie though. aye's face on the sixth gif kinda hurts me a little#i get you boys. i get you.
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sighs.
#horrible day for loving the blorbo#i still adore him and already decided season 4 isn't canon#but i can't stop thinking about it#and anytime i do i end up tearing up#worst time to mention it: my heart hurts so bad like a lot. which is weird because i never gotten a PHYSICAL REACTION LIKE THIS BEFORE#i think i'm dying guys#is this what heartbreak feels like i have no idea#it's okay. he loves me. he will never do that to me.#i need to walk around in a circle and scream into my hands or something#i get to rewatch it (unfortunately) with my mom today. i'm not ready.#at least i get to see ep1 again and the soft moments#and the “hi! :]” again so maybe i'm happy#THAT WAS SO CUTE I'M SORRY#HE LOOKED SO CUTE AND SQUISHY I WANTED TO CRY#sobbing so loudly into my hands#he was so cute ep1 what happened to him#i keep talking about him. are you guys upset with me. he means the world to me.#i'm tearing up. i miss him so much.#the universe is so mean#punches the ground#ashley talks
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i really don't want to be alive
#i just feel so numb rn#but i'm also crying non-stop so tell me how tf that works#i'm so terrified that i'm gonna relapse in my self-harm again but so scared i'm gonna take it too far#and i'm so convinced that if i went too far and like.. died that none of my friends irl would even care#honestly i'm so ready to just send goodbye letters to people and just go#i don't wanna do this anymore#and whenever i try to reach out i just get ignored by everyone so what's the point#my heart physically hurts that's how sad / upset i am#ughhhhh sighhhhh#i'm just gonna go bye x
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.
#One of the hardest parts about Faith for me is just that#Letting go and letting God#I am such a control freak#I recently had a situation where I thought God was pushing me in one direction#But he actually just wanted me to start thinking about taking that path#And I know now that's what it was#But I can't help but feel disappointed#Cause I was so ready to take that road since it seemed like He was putting me on it#but now I feel like I might as well turn back#and honestly I can't help but feel a little hurt#Like why did you have to let me get my hopes up only to pull the rug away before I could even stand on it#My stupid emotions don't care that He knows what's best for me#And the time in which I am meant to grow into things#And they're making me hurt for no reason and now instead of sleeping I'm up at 430 in the morning again trying not cry#(But part of me does want to cry cause my mom and I got in a fight about how late I stayed up doing homework cause I'm behind#Which is why I told her i was up#Cause I don't want her to know how upset I am about this#But now I'm reconsidering cause she got upset about me not sleeping because of home work I shouldn't be behind on)
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