#i'm taking a trip down memory lane lmao

[taintedcigs]

GETAWAY CAR — rockstar!e.m. x f!reader

CHAPTER FOUR: TWO NOTES AND A HEART DOWN

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✦ summary: in which eddie takes you for a trip down memory lane and you finally read the note. (wc: 9.4k+)

✦ warnings — ANGSTANGSTANGST, argument </33, yelling, crying, mentions of sa (nothing happens) like its not brought up AT ALL it's insinuated like the tiniest bit, mean!eddie, kinda asshole-ish? pining and slowburn, strong language!, mentions of alc*hol and drg use and a toxic/ab*sive relationship, food!!

✦ pairings — rockstar!eddie munson x fem!reader, past billy hargrove x fem!reader, eddie munson x chrissy cunningham

✦ authors note — sorry for the wait but i hope a 9.4k chapter makes up for it omg! also feel free to chat with me in the asks abt this series (and anything tbh) pls!! not proof-read pls ignore mistakes!! ive been struggling with this chapter A LOT. its not at all how i wanted to write it but i was just tired of holding it off :// so hope u guys enjoy and this is like the last fluffy chapter lmao its all angst from here on (well kinda)

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His nose skimmed against yours, a mere breath away from the temptation of your soft lips, everything you’ve been wanting on the tip of your fingers.

But you couldn’t do that. It didn’t matter if he was sorry or if it was casual. Chrissy still existed. And he still kissed her in front of you.

Friends, is what he promised. And this was going to ruin it.  

“Please, look at me,” he pleaded, you could hear the desperation in his voice. Your eyes blinked open slowly, how close he was to you had your eyes widened. 

"I-I don't even know what's wrong with me," he breathed out. "I feel like...I feel like I'm losing my goddamn mind, and I don’t even know what just happened,” he said in a strained voice. 

“I-I just… I look at you, and I’m absolutely terrified.” He gulped. “It terrifies me that—” He stopped himself before he could spew out more. 

It terrifies me how much I would do for you, he wishes to say, but he doesn’t, he can’t. 

“I can’t—we shouldn’t be doing this." He stammered, quick to lean away from you.

“I-I know” You agreed hesitantly, because you knew this was a bad idea. But your stomach burned at the thought that he wanted to not kiss you because of Chrissy. Was he actually going to be with her now? Did he lie about things being casual? 

“Do you…” You took a deep breath, “do you like her?” Your voice was strained, it was barely above a whisper, but Eddie heard you loud and clear. 

Your heart rate picked up quicker than you intended it to, you leaned further away from him, your mouth flooded with a bitter taste. 

“No!” His eyes widened, he answered it so quickly that the idea that he was lying sank further into you. 

“No, I-I don’t know… I just-” He breathed. “We agreed to being friends… We should keep it that way, and I can’t keep doing this,” he stammered. “I need to stop hanging on to the past.” 

“but, fuck. Each time, I try to, you just… prevent it!” He admitted, without realizing the weight his words held, your brows pinched quickly. 

“I prevent it?” You enunciated with an exasperated chuckle. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you mumbled under your breath as your body turned away from him, elbows holding onto the edge of the pool as you swiftly lifted yourself up. 

Eddie just looked at you, baffled. “Do you realize how unbelievable you are?” You spat, looking down on him with your hair still wet and your dress uncomfortably stuck to your body. 

“What are you talking about?” He gave you a puzzled look.

“Nevermind,” you huffed, facing away from him.

Eddie groaned, following you as he exited the pool swiftly. “Why do you even care?” He asked, breathless. Taking another step closer toward you. 

“I don’t,” you lied with a gulp. You were a bad liar. And Eddie knew that. 

“You don’t?” He narrowed his gaze, giving you a second chance to open up, but he knew you were too stubborn.

“I don’t.”

He huffed. “Fine.”

“That…” He paused, “was a mistake.” You could feel that horrible ache in your chest return. Sure it was a bad idea, but a mistake?

Did he really hate you that much?

“What does that mean?” You swallowed hard. Your heart was breaking the more he spoke, you wanted nothing more than to shut him up. 

“It means we-I shouldn’t have done that,” he corrected himself with a tinge of disappointment in his tone. But what exactly did he mean by that? Did he mean that the almost-kiss was a mistake because it could ruin your potential friendship? Or did he mean it in a way that suggested he liked Chrissy?

Those words were enough to have your heart drop into your gut; your whirlwind of thoughts were mocking you, the idea that Eddie had a chance of liking her was eating away at you, and all you could do was stand there and watch it all unravel. 

You parted your lips to speak, but all that could come out was a weak mutter of, “okay.” You turned your back on him quickly, picking up your jacket from the ground. You put it on in a struggle, fighting back the tears that were pricking your eyes. 

“What are you doing?” He asked with a puzzled look, and you refused to look back at him before your feet picked up. He didn’t seem to realize why his answer truly crushed you.

“I-I’m going home.” Your voice was barely audible; there was a lump sitting in your throat, causing your breathing to stammer.

“With what exactly?” He huffed, following behind you. 

“I don’t know,” you muttered with a roll of your eyes. “I’ll figure it out… I always do, don’t I?” You shrugged. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, I won’t let you walk alone like this. You could catch a cold, or something could happen to you, Pinky." His voice was laced with concern, brows furrowed as he hurried to your side.

“I don’t care,” you muttered with an emotionless expression.

“I do!” 

“Do you?”

“Of course I do!” He spat. “Please, don’t do something stupid and reckless. I can take you home,” he mumbled with a huff. There was no fucking way he’d let you walk home alone. 

“And I have a towel in my car,” he added, you slightly huffed. It was chilly, your dress was soaking, and he was right. There was no way you could get home without him. At least until you were willing to freeze off or get hauled by whatever was roaming in the forest. 

You followed him to the car with a simple nod, Eddie still failed to notice why you had gotten so upset, not realizing the implications his words held. 

-

By the time you got into the car, you were shivering, faintly muttering a ‘Thanks’ to Eddie as he wrapped the towel around you, brows creasing with worry, but he didn’t know what to say to you. 

Usually, he wouldn’t have let it go; he would’ve tried to get it out of you and ask you if you were okay, but when you were this upset, it was no use. 

The ride was silent except for the faint sound of Eddie’s mixtape filling the space between the two of you. He had asked if you had anything specific you wanted to listen to, but you shut him off with a faint shake of your head. 

Your heart was aching. Like he had just ripped open your chest and taken it without a care, not noticing how tight he had been squeezing and releasing it. As if he were toying with it. 

And you felt nauseous. You weren’t sure if it was because you didn’t get a chance to eat all day or because of that mocking thought in your head that told you that Eddie wanted Chrissy.  

Once your stomach grumbled, your question was quickly answered, your cheeks heated up as you crossed your arms against your chest in an attempt to shut it up. Eddie gave you a slight chuckle. “Munchies?” He chuckled. “Do you wanna get something to eat?” He asked with a reassuring smile. 

“I just wanna go home,” you grumbled as your gaze refused to meet his. “C’mon,” he muttered with a huff. “Do you even have anything to eat at home?” He asked all-knowingly. You shook your head, you didn’t; your fridge was empty; it was late, so you couldn’t get any groceries; not to mention, your messy kitchen was in no condition to cook. 

“Are burgers still your favorite food?” Your face unintentionally lit up at that; he was definitely thinking about Benny’s, and your mouth-watered just at the idea of their cheeseburgers. 

“Benny’s?” You asked with an involuntary smile on your cheeks, and Eddie swallowed a deep breath. That curve of your goddamn plump lips was driving him crazy. 

“Yeah, do you want to go?” He muttered slowly. “O-okay,” you mumbled. 

First the Wheeler House, then Billy’s stupid camaro, then the pool, this goddamn van, that mixtape, and now Benny's... this whole day had been a nostalgic mind fuck for you. You couldn’t complain, though; no matter how upset his words made you, you were still so pathetically happy to spend some time with him, ecstatic that he didn’t let you go. 

And so was Eddie. That’s why he had been holding his tongue back; he wanted to know why you cared so much about Chrissy. Sure, what she did with Billy was horrible. But it didn’t make sense. There had to be something he didn’t know.  

By the time you guys arrived at Benny's, it was past midnight, so, the place wasn’t packed, of course, but surprisingly, there were still a lot of tables besides the two of you. Eddie let out an ‘Aha!’ sound once his eyes caught the booth that was nestled in the corner. 

The same one the two of you always shared. The white light loomed over its padded, dark maroon seat, and you slid onto it with a huff. Your senses were immediately greeted by the mouthwatering aroma of toasted buns. The air was infused with a disgusting smell of frying oil, but all of it smelled irresistible to your growling stomach. 

Once the two of you got situated, Benny was quick to rush to your side. “Welcome to Benny’s, what can I get you—” 

"Oh my god!" Benny's eyes widened, his face breaking into a wide grin. "Didn't expect to see you! Jesus, how long has it been?" He chuckled, his memory working overtime.

A smile adorned your face, Benny had always been nice to you and to Eddie, giving you one too many free meals, always telling you that it was not an issue despite your protests, knowing of your absentee parents, just like the rest of the town did. 

“Very long,” you added with a chuckle, “missed your cheeseburgers.” You pouted. 

"Yeah?" Benny's excitement was palpable. "Mmhmm, nowhere in New York does it as good as Benny's," you hummed sweetly.

"Now, you're just butterin' me up!" Benny dismissed with a chuckle, eliciting a warm smile from you.

"But, New York, huh?" Benny inquired, raising an intrigued brow. "I've seen this one around, a lot, even last week." His finger pointed toward Eddie, prompting your brows to furrow.

Last week? 

“So that's why you weren’t with him.” He added, realization dawning on his face. Eddie was quick to shoot a painful gaze toward you, one that almost said, ‘no, she wasn’t with me because she left me’, You didn’t know how it was possible to share a language just through your shared gaze, but it had you physically gulping. 

“Uh-uh, yeah,” you mumbled, your gaze avoiding Eddie’s. 

“I gotta say though…” He leaned down, almost like he was telling the two of you a secret, “It’s really nice seeing the two of you together, again.” Benny said with a sly smirk.

“‘Bout damn time y’all got together,” He teased further. 

Your eyes widened in unison, both sets of cheeks warming before you spoke up. 

“Oh, no—” You were quick to dismiss with your hands.

“We’re not—” Eddie joined in your protests.

“So, what can I get for you, lovebirds?” He hummed casually, ignoring both of your protests. Your eyes locked before both of you shyly avoided each other’s gaze. “The usual?” 

“Uh-uh, yeah," Eddie grumbled, suddenly more interested in the wooden table. 

When Benny turned toward you, “same for her, but with extra pickles.” Eddie said almost automatically, your brows pinched together and Eddie mentally cursed himself, “I-I mean… if that’s still your order…” His words smushed together, cheeks quick to heat crimson red. 

“It-it is," you mumbled. 

“Alright, comin’ right up,” he threw a wink at the two of you, clueless of the awkwardness apparent in the air. 

It was stupid, all this back and forth all day. You weren’t kids anymore; you should have been able to just be friends and hang out, not fight. Yet, somehow, it had spiraled into a seemingly impossible situation.

Talking it out wasn’t going to do anything. If the two of you wanted any chance to salvage whatever your relationship was, you needed to talk about the bigger picture; everything needed to be spilled out. But neither of you wanted to do that. 

Unspoken feelings were lingering, and none of you knew when they would boil over. Both of you desperately wanted to cling to the promise of being friends and make the most of it. 

There were a lot of things you could say to him; you could choose to talk about Chrissy, you could choose to talk about L.A.; hell, you could choose to talk about his nerdy game, but your curiosity got the best of you, and before you could help it, the words spilled out of your mouth. “What were you doing here last week?” 

Eddie was almost taken aback by your question, not expecting you to be curious about him again after icing him out for so long. “I like coming here,” he shrugged. “Whenever I’m in Hawkins, I drop by, you know, to write some stuff.”

“Here?” Your face scrunched, finding it hard to believe that a greasy diner could ever be inspiring. 

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “most of our second album was produced in this bad boy.” 

"Are you serious?” Your brows raised, “and the rest of the band is just okay following you here?" You narrowed your gaze playfully, your hands finding a resting place on the worn wooden table.

Eddie’s mouth twitched with a smile. “Yeah, actually, they’ve gotten pretty used to it,” he confessed, “you-uh… I don’t know if you ever got to listen to the second one-”

"I did," you interrupted, voice resolute.

“Y-you did?”

“Of course.”

Eddie hesitated before asking, "What did you think of it?"

“Great record, are you kidding me? It had such a unique sound… You know, like, a timeless quality that makes it stand out?” You said excitedly, and he nodded with a raised brow, “that much?” He asked hesitantly.

“I’m not kidding, Eddie. You know how I don’t pull punches with music; if it wasn’t good, I’d tell you in a heartbeat.”

"Which one's your favorite?" Eddie asked, his curiosity piqued.

You pondered for a second before answering, "oh, definitely Aurora!"

Eddie's shaggy bangs fell onto his forehead as he leaned closer, listening intently. "I mean, 'I just kinda died for you, you just kinda stared at me' is genius," you said, your voice filled with admiration. You didn't dare look him in the eyes.

"And really, really sad," you continued, a hint of melancholy in your tone. "The idea that you could give the whole world to someone, to the point where you describe it as dying, and they don’t even see it... it sounds awfully painful." You gulped, your eyes fixed on the worn wooden table. You weren’t stupid; you knew why it was named Aurora; you knew what the lyrics were alluding to.

His car. The same car that the two of you drove around in. The same car drove the two of you out of Hawkins. 

You knew he liked you way before he let you on, and you wish you knew. 

Maybe if you weren’t dating that douchebag, maybe if Eddie said something sooner, maybe if everything that happened when the two of you left didn’t happen… Maybe just maybe, the two of you’d be together now. 

Maybe if the timing was just right, it wouldn’t be like this; he wouldn’t have whatever he had with Chrissy. You wouldn’t have been in New York. 

But what were you supposed to say? What could you say that would change all of this? Even if you told him about what Chrissy did, even if you explained why you had to leave him in L.A., there was no use. The truth couldn't turn back time. You two had ventured down different paths, and it was painfully evident.

He wasn’t the Eddie you knew, and you weren’t the Pinky he knew; it was too fucking late. 

Eddie's mouth hung open in surprise; he hadn't expected you to delve into the song's meaning like this. Aurora was one of the heaviest songs he had ever written, and he held a special attachment to it. The label and the rest of the band had embraced it, which was surprising since they usually rejected his heartbreak songs, wanting more of that unbridled rage. 

He didn’t answer you; there was a weird tension between the two of you again, so you diffused it with, “but kinda lame that you decided to name a song after your car,” while eyeing Eddie to gauge his reaction.

Eddie chuckled. “Oh, bite me,” he teased, "but yeah, that one was also written here, in that same spot you were sitting.”

“Shut up!” You said, hand playfully reaching out to nudge him. 

"And to your question... I can't tell you why I was here last week," Eddie confessed, his voice carrying a hint of mystery.

Your stomach twisted at that, and you didn't know how many more punch-in-the-gut revelations you could handle today. "Why- uhh- why not?" You asked hesitantly, your words stuttering over simple syllables.

"Because then I'd be spoiling the note, dummy," he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

A deep breath of relief escaped your stomach, and you chuckled. God, he was a douche. "Wait... so does that mean... I have a song in my pocket?"

"Not exactly."

"I'm the first one to see it, huh?" You asked excitedly, hand teasingly dipping into your pocket.

"You and the rest of the band," Eddie huffed, offering a sheepish grin.

You gave him a quick glare. ���You know I could leak this to the press and make millions, right? No more dealing with rude customers, and no more nine to five hours stuck in a record shop?”

He narrowed his gaze. "You can't get shit for that," he mockingly retorted.

"What?" You frowned.

"Yeah, it's basically like the first chorus and some gibberish notes, it's worthless," Eddie explained.

You pouted. "Aww, damn it."

"I'm kidding, I'm excited to read it,” you reassured with a wink, “you know… Maybe I could give you some notes on it? Review it?" You suggested.

“Didn’t know you were a musician.”

“Rude!” You huffed, “I may not be a musician, rockstar. But I sell records for a living. I can promise you, I listened to many more records than you did this year.” You said with a playful smirk.

"How's that like?" Eddie asked curiously, his deep brown eyes resembling longing and curiosity.

You leaned back against the cushioned booth, letting out a wistful sigh. "Working at a record store? A rollercoaster,” you chuckled, “lame in some ways, but also incredibly fascinating. New York's a whole different world compared to Hawkins."

Eddie couldn't help but study your face as you spoke. He noticed the faint traces of insecurity in the way you held yourself—an air of loneliness that came with moving away from everyone you knew and your family leaving you.

"But also, it took me a while to get used to it," you continued. "Nancy and Jonathan used to visit me a lot; they've really helped me adjust.”

“And you know, of course, Robin and Steve, too,” you murmured.

Eddie’s brows shot up at that. So everyone but him. 

It was a sting he couldn't quite shake, burning at his skin, that you decided to abandon him but were fine with everyone else, including Steve. 

Your absence in his life had left a void he couldn't fill, ever.

Yet, here you were, replacing him like it was nothing. 

Eddie knew he had no right to be jealous; you two were just friends, right? But it ate away at him; that feeling seeped through him, even though you were never his to begin with.

His face burned, and his jaw clenched involuntarily. He could almost feel the taste of bitter jealousy in his mouth, considering how it was overtaking his senses. “Steve?” He questioned; gaze seeping through you, an unbrittled rage ready to tip at any moment. 

You didn’t seem to notice it, though. For someone who was usually very perceptive, it flew right by you—that slight tick in his jaw, the way his fists curled, the storm raging beneath the surface.

“Yeah,” you murmured, his head turned away from you, gaze fixed on anything but your face. The other corners of the burger place was suddenly very interesting to him as he grappled with his own emotions.

“It’s pretty crowded in here, right?” you remarked, trying to draw Eddie into the conversation and gauge his mood.

“Uh-huh,” Eddie replied, his gaze remained distant, thoughts elsewhere.

Concern etched across your face as you pressed further, “Uh, are you okay?” Something seemed to be bothering Eddie, and you couldn't pin-point what it was.

“‘M fine,” he dismissed with a wave of his hands. 

He had to distract you and do something else because he was being super fucking weird, and you weren’t dumb; you could read him like a book. 

He didn’t want that awkwardness or tension to reappear; he wanted to talk to you freely, he couldn’t let his insecurities ruin this for him. 

Eddie’s attention turned back to you,  “is that what you want to do with your life?” his brows raised, “The record store, I mean.” He didn’t want to sound rude, he just wanted to know more.

“I don’t know… I never had much time to think about it.” You gave him a small smile, shaking your head gently, “also, I can’t really afford to think about it anyway.”

“But what do you want to do?” He probed.

“Anything concerning art… I mean I’d love to be a tattoo artist, too. That’s the likely path I’m going down, dunno if the salary is good enough, though.” You shrugged, “but you know what I’d love to be?” Eddie leaned closer, his eagerness clear. 

“What?” He asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Someone came in like a month ago, this bearded guy with lots of tattoos… We had a new album coming to our store that day, and he wanted to see them,” you mumbled with a warm smile, eyes glistening with a dreamy glow. “Then he told me about how he was a tattoo artist, but helped make some of the cover art for that album, and then something just like clicked in me.”

“I used to draw with the hope that maybe it could connect with someone, you know, like it did with me… I spent half of my childhood drawing and listening to music as an outlet. Whenever my parents left, whenever they were absent in my life despite ‘being there’, or whenever they had a screaming match, plates thrown at each other, the first thing I did was sketch, anything, on the notebook.” You mumbled, “or I listened to a record, and I let it consume me, in the hopes that it would drive me away from reality, diffuse the pain, even for a split second, and it worked,” you said with a simple smile. 

Eddie hung on to your every word, his gaze never wavering, admiring that creative spirit shining in you. “Art and music shift the world in the best way possible, and maybe it is dramatic but it also saves lives in a way, you know, by helping you get through something, or making you forget. And that’s my biggest wish… to have my art be important to someone, to make them feel like they’re not alone, in any way possible. So when I saw how that guy combined music and art like that, I thought, this is fucking perfect, this is what I need to do.” 

Eddie’s brows pinched together, “why haven’t you done it?” he asked, his voice a soothing lilt that could melt any doubts away. He could listen to you talk about your passions for hours, the way your eyes glistened with hope, that little quirk of your brow did when you found something interesting, it was heavenly to him. 

“C’mon Eds, be realistic,” you murmured sadly. “Half the people that work for a good record company or with a good band have fancy art degrees, they have connections, they have the money, the time to do it. No one’s going to want a nobody who doesn’t even have a college degree from a small town.” Your lips pressed into a thin line.

“Bullshit,” he spat quickly, dismissing the way you so quickly diminished yourself, “I was the trailer trash of Hawkins, and look what happened,” he encouraged in a harsh but also a warm manner, leaning closer. 

“Yeah, but you’re also a guy, Eddie.” Your voice wavered as you pointed out, “t-they have different expectations for women who don’t have those connections, or don’t come from like insanely rich parents… If you know what I mean,” you said with disgusted frowning upon your face, chill running down your spine. 

Eddie immediately picked it up, his face growing to one of concern, “W-wait-” his voice quivered, the color drained from his face quickly, you immediately knew what he was implying and shook your head, “no, no, not me! But I heard lots of stories in New York, it’s just disgusting,” your face scrunched. 

“That’s awful,” Eddie’s jaw clenched in anger, he knew there were a lot of scumbags in the industry, and it pissed him off that he could do nothing about it. He already felt guilty enough that he didn’t realize what a narcissistic asshole Billy really was, he wanted to help any way he could. 

And then, like a sudden light bulb went off in his head, an idea illuminated his mind. “Have I ever told you that our record company is in need of a new art director?” He pouted teasingly. 

Your eyebrows shot up as a giggle escaped your lips. "You're funny," you said, playfully skeptical.

Eddie, ever earnest, replied, "I'm serious."

“I-I can't do that," you said shyly, your fingers toying with the hem of your dress.

Eddie leaned in, and retorted with a, “and why not?"

“It-it feels wrong, and you don’t even know if I’d be good-“ you hesitated, not fully convinced if this was a good idea.

“Bullshit,” Eddie countered firmly, a small smile gracing his lips. “I know how great your art is, and I know how much you care about music, the way you describe it is exactly the reason why I love it so much.” Eddie always took you seriously and encouraged you about your dreams, no matter how unrealistic it was. 

“You know what you said earlier about how you wanted your art to matter to someone?” You nodded, eyes glistening with hope. 

“Your art is important to me, Pinky. The ones you sketched in your notebooks, is what helped me write some of my lyrics. The drawings you made when you were bored in class, the ones I have hung up on my wall still at the trailer… they mean so much to me,” he said in a hushed voice, he dragged his arm on the table, quick to point to the tattoo on his forearm. “This tattoo, is what helped with Corroded Coffin’s symbol bats, you do realize that, right?”

Skeptical, you scoffed, "you guys always had bats as your thing."

 “True,” he agreed, “but your design helped bring it to life.” He shrugged, “and you know the band better than anyone, maybe you could help us with our next album cover, too. I don’t think I could find someone more perfect for the job.” Eddie shrugged and smiled warmly.

“But-”

Your protests were gently silenced by Eddie, who insisted with a soft determination, “No but’s, just say yes, please.” His voice was sweet, sickingly sweet, you couldn’t say no even if you wanted to, and this was the perfect opportunity. 

“I mean I’ll just have a talk with them, show them some of your stuff, so, no promises. But I can be very, very persuasive,” he teased, a wink thrown your way.

You stammered, the excitement bubbling within you. "Y-you'd do that for me?” He nodded surely, “even after everything that happened?" Your tone was muffled, laced with insecurity.

"Anything for you," Eddie reassured as he leaned closer, that familiar, small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

With your heart aflutter, you finally agreed, excitement breaking through the barriers of your insecurities. "If—if you really are okay with it, I-I'd love to."

“Of course,” he affirmed. 

“Alright!” Benny chimed in, interrupting the two of you. “Two cheeseburgers with a side of fries, and two milkshakes.” He hummed, settling the food in front of both sets of hungry eyes.

“Enjoy, lovebirds!” He said with a smirk, sauntering away to the kitchen. 

“Thank you!” Both of you exclaimed with happiness as you dug into the food.

As you munched on the crispy fries, you admired the other tables, each one occupied by a slice of life that you couldn't help but find intriguing.

One table was for a family of four. All you could hear was the distressed children, their whining echoed through the restaurant. The parents looked drained, faces etched with exhaustion as they juggled plates of half-eaten food, desperately trying to calm down and distract their kids.

Another table was occupied by a couple who was in a heated argument. The man wore a scowl, voice raised in anger, while the woman looked like she was about to cry, her eyes pleading for understanding.

But the last table was the one that you couldn’t tear your eyes away from, it brought a smile to your face. “Oh my god, look,” you said in a hushed voice, gaze pointing toward the booth that was nested in the far right corner.

Eddie was already face-first into his food, “later, ’m eating.” He grumbled. You poked your tongue out at him playfully. “Jesus… Forgot how grumpy you get when you are hungry,” you hummed, flinging a fry in his direction, causing him to pause mid-bite and chuckle.

“Oh, you don't wanna play that game with me, sweetheart,” he teased, dangling a fry in front of your face.

You grinned, your eyes dancing with excitement. “Just one look, and I’ll be out of your curly unbrushed hair, Munson,” you joked with a giggle.

His eyes rolled quickly, “you won’t stop until you get what you want, will you?” He asked with an annoyed tilt of his head.

You shook your head with a giggle. “Fine,” he huffed jokingly, dipping the fry in his hand into the vanilla milkshake, making an exaggerated sound of satisfaction as he devoured it.

“Gross.” You commented with mock disgust, and he rolled his eyes in response.

“Just tell me which table.” Eddie leaned in, his curiosity piqued as your gaze moved toward the couple at the adjacent booth. The girl was wearing a plaid mini skirt, expertly paired with a statement crop-top covered by an oversized leather jacket wrapped around her shoulders, likely borrowed from the curly-haired brunette sitting on the opposite side of the booth.

Her head was thrown back, and laughter danced in her eyes as she hung on to every word of the story he was telling. The curly haired brunette guy had a graphic band-tee and a guitar pick adorning his neck. Mascara smudged and eyes all red; you knew they probably had a long night. 

It reminded him of something, or rather, someone. 

He looked at you with his brows scrunched up, and you replied to him with a giggle. Both of you were thinking the same thing. 

“That’s fuckin’ weird.” Eddie mumbled with a mouthful of his juicy cheeseburger. “Are those our… doppelgangers?” 

“Right?” You almost mirrored him, taking a bite from your cheeseburger as you leaned further on your elbows. “What do you think their story is?”

“Uhhh-” Eddie grumbled, “us from five years ago?” His mouth partially obscured by the burger as he chewed thoughtfully, a furrow in his brow. 

“Such a detailed story!” You mocked. He couldn't help but notice how the dim diner lighting accentuated your features—plump lips looking so soft from the way you frustratingly groaned—which brought an unintentional smile to his face.

You were so breathtakingly pretty; even when you were munching on a burger, he was absolutely whipped.

Eddie shrugged, that shit-eating grin still on his face. He looked you dead in the eye before he took another big bite, stuffing more fries into his mouth. 

“Fine, I’ll give them a story,” you narrowed your gaze, “and you can keep eating your gross milkshake dipped fries,” you mocked, straightening up your back as you leaned closer, licking your lips before you spoke.

“So the girl… she’s pretty, like really, really pretty.” You said with a sly grin, your gaze now focused on the couple in question; if he wasn’t going to participate, then you could just drag this further. 

“And there’s the guy." You gestured toward the other booth, gaze narrowing as you turned back to Eddie. “He’s just... there, I guess, kind of looks like a douche,” you mocked, mouth scrunching as you looked at Eddie all-knowingly, head tilted to the side.

Eddie scoffed, responding with a lighthearted yet passionate defense of himself. “He looks like a total stud,” he grumbled in between bites with a smirk, “and that band-tee? He’s so fuckin’ cool.”

“Oh, yeah?” You challenged, “I think he’s a total nerd, bet he’s telling his dorky D&D stories to his best friend.” 

He stuck his tongue out, a carefree grin on his face, “Hey! You said you loved my campaigns!” He exclaimed and playfully tossed a soggy fry at you. 

You gasped dramatically, reaching for another fry to retaliate before Eddie’s unreadable expression had you frozen. “Shit, I totally forgot, what time is it?”

“Oh, you’re not getting away with that, Munson, we’re in a full fledged food war now,” you teased, holding a fry aloft, your gaze narrowing in mock seriousness.

“No, no, I’m serious.” Eddie insisted, causing you to huff in response. You turned your back to try to read the old-fashioned clock that stood on the wall. 

“Uh… 1.15, why?” you replied, your brows furrowed in confusion, trying to understand him.

“Shit! Shit, shit!” He cursed, getting up quickly while he started gathering his things.

“What?” You asked with a puzzled look.

“Wayne!” He exclaimed making you furrow your brows.

“What about Wayne?” 

“I promised to pick him up after his shift,” he explained with a sigh. “You know, since I kinda have the car.”

"Well, when did it end?” you inquired, still calm as you took another bite from your burger.

He eyed you with urgency. “15 minutes ago,” grumbling, he shoved whatever was left of his food into his mouth. 

“So, I’m going to see Wayne?” You asked with a smile. 

“If we don’t hurry up, you’re going to see me dead,” he exclaimed dramatically, making you roll your eyes. 

“You need to inhale all of that, now!” He screeched, and you looked up at him with a pout. 

“Now!” He snapped, hands clapping in front of your face. 

“Okay, okay, jesus!” You groaned, taking a deep breath, before you shoved a generous handful of fries in your mouth. 

-

When Eddie led you to the car, all you could think about was how Wayne would react—would he be mad at you? Would he be disappointed? 

Goosebumps appeared when a chill ran down your spine, you didn’t know if you could handle it. Wayne had been a staple in your life up until you left, he fed you, he listened to you when you needed it, he gave you a place to sleep, and he always reassured you that you were always welcome in their home.

And you didn’t even bother to say goodbye to him. Not that you didn’t want to; it’s because you couldn’t. When you and Eddie left, it was in a hurry. You had no time to tell anyone, not even Eddie told Wayne until you two were half-way there to California. 

But it still didn’t stop your guilt, it still didn’t help the way your stomach twisted at the mention of his name. 

Your feet picked up quickly as the thoughts filled your head, only stopping when Eddie called out to you. “I have to tell you somethin’” Eddie mumbled, eyes squeezing shut. 

A huff of air was quick to escape your lips, you knew it was too perfect to end like this, you knew he was going to ruin it. 

“She-uh… she’s coming to brunch tomorrow.”

You froze in place, almost everything fit like a puzzle in your mind now, and you didn’t know which emotion to feel first. 

Anger, jealousy, or sadness. 

And all three of them hit you at the same time. Because it made sense now, it was clear. He liked Chrissy. He wanted Chrissy. 

He wanted to move on with her. 

He had your heart in his hands, but this time he wasn’t toying with it; he was stomping on it, over and over again, not stopping until he was sure it was beyond salvageable. 

Hand almost frozen in the place you opened the car door without a word, settling into the passenger seat like nothing had happened. 

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath before he opened his side of the door, getting inside swiftly just to turn to you, “are you not gonna say anything?” he asked, voice carrying a desperate tone.

Your gaze remained fixed outside the window, your cheek pressed against the cool glass. “We’re going to be late,” you replied with a cold, unfeeling tone. Silence filled the car, mirroring the gaping void that now existed between you two.

Thankfully, Aurora didn’t give him any trouble when he started the ignition with a key turn, and the engine roared to life. You didn’t want to speak; you didn’t want to say anything to him. You wanted to save all of your emotions, contain them in the depths of your mind, and cry yourself to sleep. You didn’t want him to know how much this crushed you. 

But you couldn’t just do that; too disappointed to let it slide, the words escaped your mouth like a dam breaking, “I can’t fucking believe you.” 

“Just, listen, I-I didn’t even invite her-” Eddie tried to explain, but you weren't listening, you didn’t care, you were letting it all out. 

“How would you fucking feel if I kissed… Jason in front of you?” Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but you continued, “how would you feel if I invited him to brunch tomorrow?

Once you took a deep breath to gather your thoughts, he scoffed. “That’s not the same thing, Pinky. Carver made my life a living hell, he was a miserable bully.”

You should tell him, you should tell him what exactly Chrissy did to you.

You should tell him the whole story of that night at Steve’s party. 

The part he didn’t know. 

But you don’t. 

Because you’re too busy to worry about whether he actually wants to be with her or not, your mind felt full, anxieties and worries dancing around in it. 

“And Chrissy kissed Billy!” Your mouth dried up when that name left your mouth, you could feel that dreadful feeling consuming your chest. 

That night was still a blur to you—the way you caught them, the things Chrissy said to you, the way Billy swore that she initiated the kiss. 

Eddie shook his head. “She said it was a misunderstanding.”

You rubbed your fingertips on your forehead in disbelief. “And you believe her over me?” you asked, tone carrying a tinge of hurt and betrayal. The question hung heavy between the two of you.

“No, no!” He yelled out. “Jesus fucking Christ, stop putting words in my mouth, Pinky!” Eddie groaned in frustration, his hands gripping the steering wheel. “She explained it was a misunderstanding, and she does want to tell you that, too… maybe you could talk to her—”

You let out an exasperated chuckle, not interested in entertaining the idea. “no fucking way.” 

“If you want to be with her, then just fucking say that, Munson, don’t do all this fuckin’ bullshit,” you added, crossing your arms against your chest. 

“I don’t want- oh, you’re unbelievable!” He snapped, head bumping against the headrest of his van. 

“You make it fucking impossible to start over!”

“Wh-what does that even mean?” You retorted back.

“J-just when I’m about to start over, just when I-I’m going to…” He rolled his tongue inside of his cheek in rage as he paused to better explain himself. 

“I find a picture of you in my wallet that you put… or, or Nancy and Jonathan tell me that you invited them over…” You were on the brink of retorting when he continued, “or, or, you- you just barge back into town like you never left; talk to me like nothing fuckin’ happened.”

You didn’t dare to open your mouth; everything he said made you feel guilty. But everything he felt, you felt, too. Each time you felt like moving on, each time you wanted to try to be with someone, you physically couldn’t. 

Maybe it was selfish that you liked hearing him feel the same way too. That’s why the way he was being so vague about whatever he had with Chrissy was like a stab to your heart, in the most non-dramatic way possible. 

“You know… I used to think you were the best thing that ever happened to me… I used to think that you w-would always be in my life. That you’d be the one fuckin’ person who’d never leave me.” Eddie's voice trembled, and your throat was quick to tighten, lump forming as his words began to sink in. It felt like the car grew darker the more he spoke, your world crumbling down with it. 

“I was wrong about all of that... all you fuckin’ did was ruin it… You ruined my life.”

The faint strains of heavy metal playing on the car's stereo seemed distant, before you spoke up, wobbly lips slurring your words. “I… I r-ruined your life?” You slumped back on your seat with his words slicing through you like a knife, gnawing at your insecurities.

“Y-you really think that?” Words barely escaped your lips, voice quivering. 

He opened his plushy lips to speak, but he couldn’t answer; words died down in his throat, his gaze fixated on the road, lips pressed into a tight line. 

That in itself was an answer, you knew it, and he knew it. You felt exposed to him, like he knew your insecurities but still did nothing to hide them. 

You couldn't help but feel a hot prickle behind your eyes, the unshed tears were getting harder to hold back. You bit back on your wobbly lip, in an attempt to conceal the pent-up emotions that were begging to be let out. “This… this whole thing was a mistake,” you murmured, voice hushed and heavy with regret. The words felt like stones in your mouth, bitter and unpalatable. 

“We-we were caught up in ourselves, ther-there’s no fuckin’ way we could ever be friends,” you continued, driving home the painful truth, just so you could hurt him like he hurt you, just so you didn’t want him to know how pathetically you still wanted to be with him in any way possible. 

“I agree,” he grumbled, eyes still on the road. Tears streamed down your cheeks, tracing glistening paths along your cheeks, you didn’t even attempt to wipe them. Sniffles punctuated the air, body shuddering with an attempt to suppress your sobs, but then again, they were drowned out by the heavy metal music that echoed in the car. 

Eddie’s gaze fell on you every few seconds; but you didn’t seem to notice. And the guilt ate away at him, too, his brows furrowed in agony. He knew that wasn’t what he meant to say. He didn’t mean it in that way, you didn’t ruin his life; you never could—well, not until you left him. 

His knuckles tightened on the steering wheel; this wasn’t how everything was supposed to happen. He didn’t even invite Chrissy; she asked to come, and of course Eddie said yes, what else could he do? So he just wanted to give you a heads up. Just so things wouldn’t get bad between the two of you again, but he managed to screw it up.

Grumbles and some curses were all the two of you could hear when Eddie pulled up to Wayne’s workplace. With a huff of breath, your car door hung open. “I’ve been waiting for thirty minutes, rockstar; you better have some good fuckin’ excuse-” Wayne’s eyes widened the second his gaze met your sad figure.

“Jesus H. Christ!” Wayne exclaimed as if seeing a ghost. “Am I seein' that right? Is that who I think it is?” Despite the heartache gnawing at your insides, you managed a smile.

"Hi, Wayne," you mumbled shyly. Wayne, however, wasn't having it. "Oh, you're not gettin' off with a simple 'hey,' come over here, kid!" He said excitedly, pulling you into a bear-hug. The embrace was tight enough to make you giggle and sniffle, an unfamiliar smile on your lips.

“Where the hell have ya been?” Wayne inquired once he let you go. 

You tried to get up, offering him the front seat, he shook his head, hands holding you down by your shoulders, not wanting to interrupt the two of you.

You told him about everything—New York, your job, how you got here. Everything. 

And all Eddie did was drive; he didn’t look at you or even Wayne for all that mattered—not a single glance. And of course, this didn’t go unnoticed by Wayne. 

“Alright, kids, you two are bein' weird…” Wayne grumbled, glancing at Eddie. “Tell me what the hell happened. Some kind of lover's quarrel?” Eddie scoffed, and you couldn't help but snap your head in his direction.

"Somethin' funny, boy?" Wayne added, narrowing his gaze at his niece. Eddie sighed but still avoided both of your gazes.

“No, no, uhh- nothing happened.” He murmured.

Your gaze narrowed, and you couldn’t help the anger inside of you. “That’s funny, that is not how I remember it.” 

Wayne’s brows furrowed before he leaned closer to the front seat. “What happened, P? You know you can always tell me anythin’” he murmured with a reassuring tone. 

Eddie scoffed, rolling his eyes, but you ignored him, “he is with Chrissy,” you said, scrunching your face as you turned to gauge Wayne's reaction.

Wayne's brows tilted together, his eyes narrowing as he tried to remember that name. “You remember her? Strawberry blonde hair and-”

“The blondie that made you cry?” you nodded, “with that Hargrove kid?” 

“See, even Wayne remembers,” you grumbled, slightly elbowing Eddie to get a reaction out of him, only earning an offended huff.  

“I never liked him, you know,” Wayne continued, large hands gesturing vaguely to emphasize his point, “always thought you were way too good for him. A guy like him has no business with my Pinky.” You leaned further into the headrest, fingers fiddling with your jacket as you gave Wayne a weak smile. 

“Should’ve listened to you,” you hummed. 

“So Eddie is with her?” Wayne mumbled, face souring. 

“Boy, have you lost your damn mind?” Wayne was quick to chide Eddie, who was drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in an attempt to not snap at either of you. 

But it wasn’t working. 

"I told you I'm not with her!" he hissed, voice dripping with irritation. He shot a glare at Wayne through the rearview mirror, but his words were directed at you. 

“How would you explain kissing her and inviting her to our friend's brunch!” You snapped in Eddie’s direction. 

“Eddie, tell me you did not do that!”

“It-it’s not like that, Wayne.”

“Oh, really? What is it like?” You gruffly asked, curiosity and hurt evident in your tone.

“Eddie…” Wayne warned him shushingly with a disappointed look, he could see how much you were hurting, and he knew Eddie was a bit oblivious.

“What?” he groaned.

“Don’t worry, Wayne, he just enjoys playing with my feelings,” you replied with a scoff, fingers tracing the pattern on the car’s leather seats, a relief to your pent-up emotions.

“Oh, you’re one to fuckin’ talk,” Eddie muttered under his breath with an out of place chuckle, his anger overflowing after holding it back for so long. “Newsflash, princess. You weren’t the one to wake up all alone in L.A. with one fucking note, I was!” He yelled, words punctuated by the heavy breath he took between each sentence. 

“You should be grateful you have two notes in that pocket of yours because I barely got one!” 

“Will you stop bringing that up?” You plead, lip wobbling as you bit on it harshly to stop your emotions from spilling. 

“‘I can’t do this, sorry.’” He recited your words, and you refused to look at him. “Five letters, Pinky. Not even six. Five. You left me with that—no goodbyes, no nothin’, just a sticky fuckin’ note attached to the fridge.” His head snapped toward you.

A loud chuckle left your mouth, you turned to him with rage, and Wayne knew he had to step in or it was going to get ugly, even uglier than, whatever this was. “This isn’t even about that-”

“Alright, alright!” He interrupted, hands waving in the space between the two of you. 

“Simmer down, both of you! I know the two of you have a lot of unresolved shit… but don’t burn this bridge,” he warned, “not again.” Wayne’s words were quick to disperse the emotional fog that had surrounded the car. 

“The thing, whatever the hell it is, that y’all have… people spend their whole fuckin’ life lookin’ for it… Don’t be dumb.” That was enough to have the two of you shut up. 

“Talk it out.” He said, firm but fair. “I know you’ve both been hurt, so, be honest with each other, and apologize,” he continued, urging both of you to confront each other.

“Okay?” He asked, head hanging in the space between the two of you. 

“Okay,” both of you mumbled in unison, backs turned toward each other.

‘Too late’ was all you could think; that bridge was already burned. There was no way the two of you could ever go back now, right?

A sigh of relief escaped your lips when Eddie finally pulled up to your house, you didn’t waste any time saying goodbye to Eddie before turning to Wayne and giving him a hug. 

“See you around?” You asked with a hopeful smile.

“You better!” Wayne warned playfully, evoking a giggle from you. “You gotta drop by sometime, promise?” He asked with a sly grin, he knew exactly what he was doing. 

You didn’t want to see Eddie anymore than you had to now, but if Wayne asked you to do something, you’d do it in a heartbeat. 

You looked back at Eddie, your gazes connecting for a second before both of you turned away. “Uh-huh, promise,” you mumbled before exiting quickly. 

“What the hell are you doin’, kid?” Wayne exclaimed the moment you left, causing Eddie to look at him with a puzzled expression.

“Walk her to her door, for Christ’s sake!”

“I-I don’t think that’s a great idea,” Eddie explained hesitantly.

“Where are your manners?” Wayne scolded him, raising his voice. Eddie grumbled in frustration but ultimately gave in, cussing under his breath as he exited the car to follow you.

He ran after you, breathless once he finally caught up to you. “Sorry, I should’ve walked you-” He mumbled

You shook your head interrupting him, “no, it’s fine.” 

“So, uhhh…” He started, gaining your attention back to him. “Goodnight.” Eddie grumbled with a scratch of his head, barely able to look at you. He didn’t want to leave things like this, but the damage was already done. You could see the guilt in his eyes, but it didn’t matter now. 

He wondered what you would think of the notes; would you even read them? Would you get mad at him for the things he wrote? 

“Goodnight, Eddie.” You muttered back, turning to the door as you avoided looking at him, your finger shakily retrieved your key as you fumbled with it, doing everything in your willpower to not turn back at him. 

Eddie walked away with the same thoughts eating away at him. Were you going to look back at him? The temptation got the best of him, and he turned with a shy nod. You were struggling with your keys, muttering in frustration, and the sight unintentionally brought a smile to his lips before he hurried back to his car.

The moment you heard his car door open, you turned, slowly and reluctantly, only for your gaze to meet Wayne’s, who had an all-knowing smirk playing at his lips, waving at you. 

You gave him a shy smile before you hurriedly turned your back, finally opening the door and rushing inside. 

“You idiot lovebirds are goin’ to be the death of me,” Wayne grumbled to himself with a shake of his head, watching the way you scurried inside.

Once you locked the door, you rested against it, a sigh of relief escaping your lips. Your thoughts were swirling,but there was only one thing that was overpowering everything else; the note. 

You furiously searched for it in your pocket, curiosity filling the course of your veins as you fished it out of the left one, your hand shaking as you held it in front of your eyes. 

The words scribbled in the closed note had your heart racing, afraid of what it was going to say, once you fully opened it, your eyes roamed through it quickly.

The note was dated a week ago. 

Don't fool yourself,

She was heartache from the moment that you met her.

My heart feels so still

As I try to find the will to forget her, somehow.

Oh I think I've forgotten her now.

(Is it obvious this last line is sarcasm?) 

Your fingers traced the line that had the parenthesis and were crossed out. Eddie’s notes. If you the tears that escaped your burning eyes weren’t distorting your vision, maybe you would’ve appreciated some of the lyrics, and his funny notes, even though they were messy and all over the place.

I don’t blame you, but sometimes I wish we hadn’t met. (This is kinda too out there, but there could be something from this???)

Your heart pounded against your ribcage—that familiar ache that never fully left returned with a sharper pain. It hurt that he thought of you in this way. He thought you ruined his life, and now he wished he had never met you. 

Those thoughts sank into your brain, and the anger that came with them was something you couldn’t comprehend. There was a lot more of the scribbled nonsense that you couldn’t read, other lyrics that were scratched out. 

Your hands were shaking once you flipped it over. The other note was dated today. 

I lied, didn’t I? I think I would prefer all the heartache in the world to not knowing you. I didn’t even realize that until today. Until I saw you across the room. And I can’t even explain how good it felt to look up and see you standing there. Even with that frown adorning your face.

Your tears hadn’t stopped, falling onto the piece of crumpled up paper and making a mess. 

You felt like an idiot; you should’ve told him when you had the chance, and you had a lot of them. You were angry that you let everyone walk over you. You were angry that Billy had gotten away with everything. And now, Chrissy had a chance with him without ever paying for the consequences of what she did. 

You couldn’t let that happen.

You didn’t want to be polite with your sadness anymore You didn’t want to absorb everyone’s pain to make sure they were okay. And you hated that that’s what you did essentially did when you didn’t tell Eddie about Chrissy. 

You paced around the room, biting down on your nails. 

Should you tell him? Or was that too selfish?

Because if you wanted to tell him, you had just the perfect opportunity to tell him and confront Chrissy; the brunch. 

✦ final authors note —ALSO THE CHRISSY STUFF WILL BE REVEALED NEXT CHAPTER. IM SORRY FOR TEASING IT SO LONG BUT THE REVEAL IS GONNA BE GOOD I PROMISE LMAO. if you like this series pls support me by rbing liking and commenting ily thank youu🫶🏻 [EDIT: i forgot to say this but ofc the lyrics are not mine they are by jeff buckley’s incredible song “forget her” i listened to it A LOT writing this chapter👀 also if u can guess what the chapters title is inspired by ily]

permanent taglist (lmk if u want to be added): @mandyjo8719 @kellsck @batkin028 @hideoutside @sashaphantomhive @nabiiturner @andvys (ILY.)

[libraryofloveletters]

Chapters From An Old Book

Sebastian Vettel x Fem!Reader 

Warnings: alcohol and the consumption of, being cheesy, mentions of pregnancy and birth, britta being over seb’s nonsense, horner mention lmao, jenson being a little match maker, a trip down memory lane, mentions and references to sex, it’s giving anti ferrari for a slight second there, mark cameo + lance and sara cameo!, heart felt conversations, talks of his retirement. 

Word Count: 6.8k

Author’s Note: once again, i'm writing a flashback fic and are we surprised ? no. also shut up i’m emotional over this 35 year old german guy. -- based on this ask - one

italics are flashbacks! 

---- 

The door to the girls’ bedroom shut behind you quietly, you made your way down the stairs slowly so it wouldn't creak. 

“Sebastian?” You called into the empty house, he was somewhere around here. He had been ‘nesting’ so to speak; trying to figure out what’s to come next. 

This was a big decision and it had been weighing heavy on him. 

You can hear the thumping coming from the basement and a groan, you follow the sound down to find your husband sitting on the floor with a bunch of storage containers and boxes. 

"Hi honey,” he glances at you, patting the spot next to him. 

You join him on the floor. “What’s all this?” You ask, peeking into the box in front of him. He pulls out a stack of photos, held together with a rubber band. 

“Just going down memory lane.” 

Sebastian wasn't one for looking to the past, good nor bad; so you knew something was up if you found him down here. 

He was flipping through the pictures when you found a CD in the box. “What’s that?” He asks, you make your way over to put it into the DVD player you had in the basement. 

“No clue, but we're about to find out.” 

You hit play and return to Seb, the two of you looking at the screen.  It’s a copy of his first win, Monza 2008; there’s a few scratches on the CD because it jumps a bit but you glance at your husband. 

“That’s one of the greatest moments of my life.” He smiles, his eyes fixed on the screen. 

“Why only one of the greatest? Why not the greatest?” 

Sebastian turns to face you. “That might be the one that started it all, but I won four championships, and don't forget that I met you and we got married, and we have children. Those are the greatest moments of my life.” 

You can’t help but smile, your hand cupping his jaw, “I love you.” 

“I love you,” he smiles, leaning over to kiss you. 

He flips through some of the photos in his hand when he stops on one of them, showing you. “Remember this ?” 

The photo was of you and your best friend, Lia, squished in between Jenson and Sebastian outside of a club in Barcelona. 

“How could I not remember that?” You laughed, taking the photo from him and you glanced down at the picture. “That was the night we met.” 

Barcelona, 2009. 

The club was packed; drivers, crews and other partygoers squished into the building. Your best friend, Lia, pulls you onto the dance floor with her when her favourite song comes on. 

You weren't even supposed to be in Spain, you should be home studying for your midterms during your reading week. Lia’s parents were huge fans of F1 and her father’s side of the family came from money so they always attended races. Lia and Jenson met earlier in the season and hit it off, they weren’t officially a couple yet but they basically were. 

So when Jenson invited her along to the Spanish GP, of course she brought you along. Not that Jenson minded either, he was always a ‘the more the merrier’ type of guy. 

Jenson had done remarkably well that weekend, starting in pole and ended up winning the race with his teammate, Rubens, in second which gave Brawn a 1-2. 

You were trying to cram in a little studying; how boring of you honestly. 

Jenson and Lia had other plans, basically kidnapping you from your room and dragging you to the club with them to celebrate Jenson’s win. 

Lia and you were on the dance floor for a bit before she dragged you back up to the booth they had, finding Jenson talking to an extremely blonde guy who clearly caught your attention and your friend noticed as much. 

“That’s Sebastian,” she tells you, sitting next to you. You glance over at her, “okay so ?” 

Lia laughs, nudging you with her shoulder. “I can see the look on your face, you’re into him.” 

“Whatever.” You roll your eyes. 

Across from you two stood the two drivers, Sebastian kept glancing in your direction and Jenson noticed. He gives the younger driver a smack on the arm, “don’t look at my girlfriend like that.” He teases. 

Seb gives him a smile, taking a swing of his beer. “Who’s the girl with her?” 

Jenson follows Seb’s line of sight, “that’s y/n, her best friend.” The Brawn driver puts two and two together; even if he was currently drunk, he wasn't stupid. 

Sebastian was into you. 

“C’mon!” Jenson shouts, grabbing Sebastian’s arm, “I’ll introduce you two.” 

Sebastian tried to pull away from Jenson but it was too late. The two of them sitting next to you and Lia, you and Sebastian next to each other. “Hi,” you look over at him. 

He smiles, “hi.” 

“Y/n, this is Sebastian Vettel. Seb, this is y/n.” Jenson gives you two a quick introduction and he’s off to the dance floor with Lia, the two of them beyond drunk and shouting the lyrics to the song.  You and Sebastian sit there for a while, looking around a bit before you end up locking eyes. “So uh, what team do you race for ?” You ask, you didn’t even know this man and Jenson left you with him. “If you do race.” 

“I race with RedBull.” He says and you hum, nodding. “So you’re Mark’s teammate?” 

“Most people know him as my teammate.” 

“Oh, that’s cocky of you to say.” 

“It’s true,” he says, flashing you a smile. 

You laugh, shaking your head. “Whatever you say, Sebastian.” 

The two of you ended up sitting there, chatting for the rest of the night over a half full bottle of tequila. When it finally finished, you went looking for Lia and Jenson. 

No surprise that they were outside, making out. “Okay, break it up.” You push Jenson off of her.  He rolls his eyes but quickly smiles when he realizes you were with Sebastian. 

“Let’s take a picture!” Lia shouts, handing her camera off to some random guy standing outside the club. You get pulled by Lia into her side, Jenson to the left of her and Sebastian to your right with you and her squished in the middle. 

“Smile!” The man calls from behind the camera. 

All of you are messy, skin sweaty and sticky, there’s a weird orangish glow from the street light, a bunch of smiles and nothing but good memories behind the photo. 

“I can’t believe how cocky you were.” You nudged him with your shoulder and Seb rolled his eyes, “I was not cocky!” 

“Oh, they know him as my teammate,” you mocked your husband, earning a laugh from him. 

Sebastian doesn’t take you on, he knows you get enjoyment out of teasing him. You had always been that way,  even when you two had just started dating and kept things pretty low key, you still found ways to tease him. 

“Oh my god, look!” You showed him a picture.

Sebastian's hands rested on your butt in the picture, the man holding you up against him with your legs wrapped around his waist and your arms over his shoulders as you kissed him. 

It was taken by the Red Bull photographer at the time, just as Seb returned to the garage post championship win. 

Abu Dhabi, 2010. 

Lia and Jenson were still dating, you often joined her for races but you found yourself sneaking away from them. The nights when they offered for you to join them, you did one of two things. 

One, you joined them and headed back to the hotel earlier than they would; or two, you didn’t go at all. 

He had you wrapped around his finger and frankly, he was wrapped around yours. 

You found yourself spending more and more time with the German driver, hanging out with him after races, the two of you hidden away in a hotel room; away from all the nosy reporters and flashing cameras. 

Just the two of you in your little bubble. 

Of course, you and Lia sat in the McLaren garage; Jenson and Lewis now teammates and Sebastian still at Red Bull.

It was the final lap of the final race of the season, you were standing next to Lia, her hand in yours as she searched out for Jenson. The two of you followed out the mechanics and pit crew, climbing up on the fence to watch them cross the line. 

While they were all looking for the silver and red car, your eyes were fixed on one car; the navy blue car that just crossed the line. 

Your heart was pounding out of your chest, the screams and cheers of the RedBull crew just one garage over warmed your heart. Proud didn’t even begin to explain how you felt. 

The sound of Lia screaming pulled you back to reality.

Lewis crossed just behind Sebastian and Jenson followed which gave McLaren a double podium alongside the race winner. Lia pulled you down with her to watch the podium, Jenson blew her a kiss when he stepped up onto the podium and you looked over at your best friend, the girl watched her boyfriend like a love sick puppy; it was adorable. 

You were almost certain you had the same look on your face. You wiped away the tears you felt on your cheeks when you stared up at Sebastian, the smile on his face whilst the German anthem played was like none other. You were proud, he was proud, the team was proud. 

Proud as an understatement. 

Sebastian broke records tonight. 

He is the world champion. 

He’s also now covered in champagne and being hoisted up onto the shoulders of the two McLaren drivers as he does his signature one, have a laugh as he looks out into the thousands of people cheering him on. 

Nothing beats that feeling in that moment. 

Everyone was making their way back to the garages, attempting to pack up as quickly as possible so the party could begin. Lia had run off to congratulate Jenson, you followed behind her and gave him a quick hug. You stopped and congratulated Lewis as well before you stepped out. 

Despite it being nighttime, the heat sticked to your skin as you wandered over to the RedBull garage. You peeked in, the place packed with everyone who worked for them. 

“Y/n!” Mark shouts, hugging you when he sees you. “Hi!” You smiled, hugging the Aussie back. 

“I know you’re not here for me,” he laughs, an arm over your shoulder before he points towards the middle of the crowd. “He’s over there.” 

You smile at Mark, thanking him as you step through the crowd to find the new world champion. 

Sebastian’s back was turned to you, race suit hanging off his hips and you can see how his fireproofs were soaked; champagne or sweat? Probably both. 

You touched his back softly and he turned, he recognized your touch faster than you expected. "You,” he smiles when he turns to face you. His arms wrapping around you. Sebastian picks you up, your legs wrapping around his waist and the stickiness of his fireproofs cling to your bare legs. 

“I’m so proud of you,” you tell him, a hand on his cheek as you smile at the man. 

“Thank you,” Sebastian tells you, holding you in the middle of the Red Bull garage like you two were the only two in there. The cameras are constantly flashing and neither of you care, Sebastian’s hands rest on your ass as he holds you against him and you lean into your boyfriend. 

He kisses you; it catches you off guard.

Not that he kissed you but that he kissed you there. 

Publicly announcing to the world that you two were a thing.

He lets you down, his arms still wrapped around you and yours wrapped around him. “Champion of the world.” You laughed in disbelief. 

You were 100% sure in Sebastian and his skills but it felt so unreal. 

He nods, smiling. “Champion of the world.” He says, leaning down to kiss you again. 

“I never heard the end of it, they teased me all the time.” Sebastian complained and you laughed. “I know, I told them to tease you.” 

The man rolls his eyes, something he did often in your presence. Not that either of you took it seriously. You were flipping through a few more pictures from another box while Sebastian re-stacked those into the box they came from when you found another picture. 

You show your husband, “I always wondered where that shirt went.” He says, eyeing the RedBull polo you had on in the picture. 

“Forget the shirt, do you remember how pissed Britta was?” 

Sebastian laughs, “yeah but it was worth it.” 

He pulls you into him, kissing you once more. The picture falls beside the two of you onto the floor as he pulls you onto his lap. His hands sliding down to rest on your ass, mimicking the picture on the floor. 

Brazil, 2011. 

Interagos. 

The track where magic happens as you had deemed it.

It's the final race of the season and it’s race day. 

Sebastian wanted to head in extra early, he needed to go over race strategies with his team and you were trying to get him to relax. You two are holding hands as you walk in, cameras flashing and people shouting for him as you pass by. Seb has got on his usual red Bull polo and a pair of shorts, sunglasses pushed up in messy hair. You've got on a little black skirt and one of his RedBull polos with his name on the back and number one in the middle. 

“Seb, baby. Don’t stress yourself out. Your hair will fall out and you’ll look like an egg, but not even a cute one.” You joked and it fell flat. 

Your boyfriend looked worried and you weren’t even sure why. He stopped you in the middle of the paddock, turning to face you. “Do you think I'll win?” 

“Sebastian, I know you’ll win. Do you need me to tell you the stats so you stop asking?” You laughed but his eyes met yours and you sigh softly; there’s security in numbers. 

“You’re currently at 374 points going into this race. Jenson is behind you with 255 points. Regardless of if you win or if you DNF, you will be world champion this year. Don’t stress yourself out.” Your hand rests on your chest, looking at him. 

Sebastian nods, sighing. It’s almost like you can see the tension on his shoulders. “One hundred and nineteen.” You say to him and Seb’s brows furrow. 

“119 -- that’s how many points you have over Jenson.” 

Your boyfriend smiles, pulling you into him. His hand rests on your ass and you just know the stance is like tossing blood to sharks, you can hear the shouting and feel the cameras flashing behind you. Sebastian kisses you, “thank you.” He mumbles against your lips and pulls you a little closer. 

This isn’t the first time they’ve caught you and him like this. You had sorta become the IT couple; that’s what happens when you’re dating the world champion. If the photographers weren’t hassling you two, it was Lewis and Jenson with their girlfriends. 

You and Sebastian had become quite the staple couple in the paddock, always together. Not that you clung to him, Seb always hid from press duty by hanging out with you. 

He’d stop what he was doing to pass by just to get a kiss from you.

Sebastian was cheesy like that. 

The hand on your ass pulls you even close, the skirt hitching up a little too high to be suitable for work. Nothing except for your thigh was exposed but imagine the scandal it would be. 

Or it had already become. 

You and Sebastian didn’t have a care in the world, he was a shoo in for the championship and he did win that year. Despite his teammate, Mark, winning the race, Sebastian was far enough ahead that he won regardless. 

It wasn't until after that Britta caught wind of the scandalous picture going around. 

She gave you both a lecture about behaving yourselves in the paddock to which Seb just laughed and you nodded along, trying to listen to the woman but between all the championship press, the picture got lost and all was well in the world. 

You get up and Seb’s eyes follow you, “where are you going?” He asks, watching as you sit in front of a storage container you pulled out of the closet. 

“I think I still have that shirt, I know I saw it somewhere.” 

Digging through the container, you find the shirt and pull it out. You hold it up against yourself. “I don’t think it’ll fit now but I knew I had it.”  

Sebastian smiles and you two tumble through a few more boxes on your own. You reach into the container and pull out something that feels like papers. You thought it was more photos you hadn't found albums for but turns out it wasn’t. 

In fact, it was a manual for a toaster oven. 

“What is that?” Sebastian calls, you toss it over to him. 

“A toaster oven?” He reads the pamphlet, flipping through it. “Why do we have this?” 

You try to think of how that ended up in the storage container and it finally pops into your head. 

Monaco, 2012. 

"Where should I put this?” He asks, carrying in a box into the kitchen. 

You and Sebastian have just moved into your first place together. It was day 6 of unpacking because you two kept stopping because you were either too lazy and couldn’t be bothered or Sebastian’s wandering hands caused you two to end up in bed. 

Sebastian holds up the box to show you, “that’s not mine.” You tell him, brows furrowed. 

“It’s not mine either.” He says, “why would I own..” he peeks over the box to read it, “a toaster oven?” 

You notice an envelope taped onto the side when Seb puts the box down. You pull it off and open the envelope. There’s a card with a note inside of it. 

‘Woman at the store said this was a good thing to get, so enjoy it! 

xo, JB and Lia.’ 

“That’s the most random thing I've ever gotten as a gift. We already have a toaster,” you tell Sebastian, showing him the card. 

Sebastian was already tinkering with it, plugging it in as he unwrapped the plastic around it. “How does it work?” He asks you, opening the little door. 

“I’d assume it's just a toaster but like.. oven style? I don’t know, let me see.” You check through the box for a pamphlet. 

Sebastian doesn’t wait. He sticks a bagel in there and hits 4 different settings whilst you read over the pages of the pamphlet. The toaster oven starts to smoke and the kitchen smells like burnt bread. 

“Seb!” You laughed, opening the window whilst fanning the thing. Sebastian unplug the toaster oven and opens the little door. The bagel was now black and hard like a rock. 

He holds up the bagel, it clicks in his brain that it’s hot and the circular piece of bread falls to the floor. “Hot!” He flings his hand around and you chuckle, grabbing his hand and blowing on it before kissing it. 

“Better?” You ask and the man puckers up, leaning towards you. Rolling your eyes, you give your boyfriend a kiss. 

Sebastian smiles, satisfied. “Better, though I don’t think we can eat the bagel.” 

“Jense and Lia sent us a toaster oven when we moved into our first place,” you remind him. His mouth forms an O, tossing the manual into another box as you rejoin him by his side. You lean into your husband’s side, his arm comes around to rest over your shoulders. 

You were a picture hoarder, you couldn't bring yourself to let go of photos so they all sat in your basement. There had to be thousands of pictures spanning over the last 15 years. 

There’s a few stacks of pictures from races and what not, some from his championships and from other races as well. From your vacations to the kids’ first day at school, family trips, random pictures taken throughout the house. Not all of them were taken by you. The photographers always gave you a big stack of pictures at the end of the season so you kept them all. You couldn’t bare to sort through them and get rid of some. 

Sebastian was always looking forward but you loved to look back.  

There’s one in particular that caught his eye. “I didn’t know you had a copy of this,” he shows you the picture. You had the same one framed in your bedroom; Sebastian was leant over and kissing your stomach, your hand on his cheek and you smiling at him. 

Germany, 2013. 

Sebastian’s home race, you were beyond nervous. Not like it was any different than before. 

His focus was on winning. 

It always was. 

“Are you okay?” Mark rests a hand on his back when he finds you at the back of the garage. You glance over your shoulder, looking back at the man. “Fine, just nervous.” 

“He’ll be fine. Well he won’t be.. when I win.” Mark says and you laugh, “okay Mark, whatever you say.” 

Sebastian was walking back into the garage when Mark lets you go, Seb eyeing the two of you for a moment as you walk over. Your boyfriend wraps an arm around you, pulling you against him. He was looking behind you and at Mark and you smack his arm softly, the man looking at you now. 

“What?” He asks. 

“I have to tell you something.” You whisper to him and Seb pulls you off to the side of the garage, the two of you hidden away by a wall. Sebastian looks at you, “what’s up baby?” 

You had to laugh at the phrase, the word making you giggle. 

Seb eyes you, “what?” 

You blurt it out, there was no other way to say it. “I’m pregnant.” 

Sebastian was quiet, your eyes fixed on his face, trying to read for any sort of reaction. Finally he says, “you are?” 

You nod, looking at him, still waiting for a reaction. Sebastian picks you up and spins you around, your arms over his shoulders as you laugh, the man putting you down before pulling you into a kiss. 

A hand rests on his cheek, “I take it that you’re happy ?” 

“So happy.” He says, his forehead rests against yours. 

It was still early, you decide to keep it to yourself for the time being. You were only a month along so there was no need to make a big deal yet. “Be careful, okay?” You tell him, kissing him. 

“Always.” 

You give him a hug, wishing him good luck before he walks off to get ready for his race. You were settling in beside the mechanics when Britta came looking for you. “What’s wrong?” You ask her, she shakes her head. 

“Nothing, he’s asking for you.” 

You follow her to the grid, your boyfriend already in the car when you got there. You bend down, looking at your boyfriend. “What’s wrong love?” 

Sebastian pats the side of his helmet, they were minutes away from lights out and  your boyfriend was asking for a kiss. You laugh, leaning over to kiss the side of his helmet where his cheek would be. 

There’s a little red kiss mark on the side of his helmet and you pat his head, Seb reaches up and gives your hand a squeeze before letting you go. 

You and Britta get back to the garage just in time for lights out. Lewis was on pole with Seb in P2 and Mark in P3. Your fingers were crossed hoping your boyfriend can fight his way into P1 over the course of the 60 laps. 

Within the first corner, Sebastian was able to gain the lead and hold it for the entirety of the race, coming across the checkered flag victorious. 

Everyone was pushed up against the gate, looking up at the German driver on the podium, the smile on his face shines brighter than the sun; nothing beats winning his home race.

The man winked at you, tipping the champagne bottle in the direction of the team before taking a swing. 

Once everyone returned to the garage, your boyfriend found you the moment he got back. You were by the pit wall, talking to Christian when he hugged you from behind, swinging you around. His skin sticky and wet, the race suit soaking the back of your shirt. 

“Congratulations, baby.” You smile, turning to face him when he puts you down. 

At this point, you two are in the middle of the pit line, his hands resting on your lower back when he leans down and kisses your stomach. 

Of course, the photographers around were eating this up. Sebastian kissing your stomach points towards one thing and one thing only; you were expecting.

“Ted said that’s when he knew we were in love.” You tell Seb, looking at the picture. 

Sebastian laughs, “he told me the same thing. Said before was puppy love and this was real. Having a kid always makes things real.” 

“Oh so we were fake before?” You joked and Seb rolled his eyes, “that was a terrible joke.” 

“You’re terrible at jokes, you started telling dad jokes before I was even pregnant!” 

“Whatever.” 

There’s a few more pictures from that race in the stack, you come across a picture of him waiting in the garage after practice. You studied the pattern on the matte black helmet that sat on top of his head like a mushroom from Mario. The gold ran along the sides and the top, the RedBull insignia stood out against the black and gold in a shimmery red. There’s a single red and black stripe across the top, blended in with the gold to make up the German flag; something Sebastian almost always worked into his helmet designs. 

“Do you still have this one?” You ask your husband, showing him the picture. 

Sebastian gets up and pulls a few more boxes from the closet you had, opening a few before he pulls out a large dust bag, you see the smile on his face when he peeks into the bag. 

He pulls out the black and gold helmet, showing you. “It’s one of my favourites.” 

“Mine too.” 

Sebastian sets the helmet down on the table, looking back into the box before pulling out something. “Is this yours?” He holds up the blue dress, holding it against himself. 

“Looks like it’d fit you.” You smile, earning a chuckle from him. “Yeah, says maternity on the tag.” 

You try to think back to when you would have worn that and it pops into your head, making you laugh out loud. 

“What?” Your husband looks at you, confused as to why you’re laughing by yourself. 

You take a breath, regaining your composure. “We went to headquarters after the last race, when I was pregnant with Meg, remember ?” 

Sebastian tosses the dress at you. “You gave me a heart attack that day.” 

“Please, I was preparing you for fatherhood.” 

England 2013.

Today you were officially 26 weeks pregnant, which was roughly around  6 months. You were under strict orders by your OB that you are not allowed to fly anymore. So the flight back to England would be the last for the next little while. 

You had begged your OB to give you the clearance to join Sebastian for the last race of the season and she did; you joined him for the Brazilian Grand Prix and you watched him win his 4th championship. 

Nothing made you more proud than seeing him up on the podium. 

After the stop in England for a few days, Sebastian would be driving you two to Paris for a few days of relaxation before he drives you two back to Monaco to wait for the birth of your baby girl. It was a seven hour drive to Paris from England and then another nine hours from Paris to Monaco. Your mother-in-law and OB tried to talk you into staying in England and having the baby there but you were dead set on having the baby in Monaco like intended. 

Sebastian gave in to you because you had him wrapped around your finger. 

He held your hand as you two walked into the building, they were doing a little thing to thank the team and to show off the new trophies they brought home over the season. 

“Oh good, you’re here!” Britta calls, walking over. 

“Sebastian, you’re needed in the head office. Y/n, come with me.” The woman was already pulling you away from your boyfriend and you glanced over your shoulder at him, he just smiled and waved you off. 

The team had put together a little basket for the baby; Well wishes attached to the baby clothing in the basket. Shirts, shorts, sweaters, shoes, hats, all in various sizes and the bull embroidered into all of them with different variations of the RedBull logo. 

You thank the team, walking around the building with Britta for a bit as she showed you some of the things in the front foyer. You were drinking some water and a bit of it spilt on the floor when you cracked the bottle open, the water splattered on your dress but you didn’t bother drying it out because it was water, it’d dry itself out.  

“Babe!” Sebastian shouts, running towards you and you turn to face the man, confused as to why he looked so full of concern. Christian was right behind him when Sebastian reached for you and you were really confused now. 

You glance between the men and Britta, “what?” 

“Did you water break? Do we need to go?” Sebastian asks, looking down at the floor and your dress. 

You follow his line of sight and put two and two together. “Oh!” You laughed, Britta realized what he was freaked about and started laughing. 

“I spilled some water, it’s fine.” You wave him off. Christian peeks out from behind Seb, “so just to be clear, you’re not in labour ?” 

“No, I'm not.” You laughed. 

“God, both you and Christian were mortified, so worried that you didn’t let me do anything for the rest of the afternoon.” 

“We were just worried,” he pushes some of the boxes into the closet again. “It's possible to go into labour that early.” He tells you. 

“Possible but unlikely.” 

Sebastian rolled his eyes, “that’s why Christian said you aren’t allowed to visit while you’re pregnant anymore.” 

You huff, arms folded across your chest as you looked at the man across the room. “I didn’t get pregnant for the rest of your RedBull days though.” 

“Surely you remember the next time you got pregnant,” he says, making his way over to you. The twinkle of mischief in his eyes says that he fully well remembers how you ended up pregnant the second time.��

“Yeah, whose fault was that?” 

Sebastian drops down next to you, pulling you by the chin to look at him. “Mine.” 

“Glad you know.” 

Hawaii, 2018. 

Things were good in terms of the championship. Sebastian was second in the standings going into the break and you knew he needed a break, physically and mentally. 

He had a habit of being hard on himself but he was always laughing and smiling, no one ever noticed that something was off. You were his wife, you knew him like the back of your hand. You talked him into taking a little vacation, just the two of you. 

Megan was with your parents while you two spent a week in the sun, trying to relax and decompress.

It had been the last three days just rolling around in bed. Since you two have checked in, you've barely left the room to eat, even then it was just going to the door to get the room service. It had been nothing but rolling around in bed, room service and piles of clothes scattered throughout the room; you weren't even sure why you bothered to get dressed at this point. 

“C’mon,” you groan, pulling your husband by the arm. “Let’s go to the beach.” 

Sebastian sits up, pulling you to him. You’re standing between his legs as you look down at him and you feel his hands on your ass, pinching the exposed flesh. The little green bikini didn’t cover much, not that he minded. 

“We only have a few days left, we should do something other than have sex, Sebastian.” 

“Why? The sex is great.” He pats your ass, making you roll your eyes. 

“Sebastian, c’mon. Just a few hours.” You pull away from him but he grabs your hand, and you’re right back where you were moments ago. 

“Once more,” he mumbles against your stomach, kissing up to your chest. Your hand tangled in his short blonde curls as you pulled his head back so you could look at him. “Then we can go.” He says, smiling. 

He was so handsome, he knew you were wrapped around his finger. 

“Fine,” you sigh, letting him pull you into bed again, his hands making quick work of the strings on your bikini. “Just once more.” You tell him, your tone is serious. 

Sebastian nods, “just once more.” 

“It’s late,” you say, getting up. “We’ll clean up tomorrow.” Your hand stretches out for his and he gets up, the two of you making your way up the stairs and onto the first floor before making one more check of the house, double checking all the doors and windows are locked. 

Sebastian’s voice catches your attention as you head up the stairs towards the bedroom. 

“I wish I could’ve done more, with Ferrari.” He says, following you up the stairs and you hum. 

You knew your husband’s feelings towards the red team, it broke your heart to think about how they made him feel about himself. 

Like he had failed. 

“If I had won a championship with them-” “You have four, Seb.” You remind him before he gets the chance to spiral. 

“I know,” he sighs, “I had set out to win one with him and I feel like I failed. I should have won.” 

“You didn’t fail, Sebastian.” You turn on the step to face your husband, holding his face in your hands. “They failed you if anything.” 

The sadness on his face makes you want to light a match and toss it at the factory but you hold back the urge to say the bitter words that come to mind. 

“You are a four time world champion, Sebastian. Things don’t always go to plan but you have a legacy, you left behind a mark that will always be there, regardless of how it got there. I will always support you and always love you but don’t you dare, even for a second, think you failed; because you never did.” 

Sebastian kisses the palm of your hand, “thank you, for everything.” 

“No need to thank me, baby.” 

You two make it upstairs and Seb checks on the girls while you head into the bedroom. You were changing when your eyes caught the green frame hung on your bedroom wall. 

There’s a collage of pictures in the large green frame from the first official Aston Martin pre season photoshoot. 

England, 2020. 

You watched as your husband posed for the camera, both you and Britta holding back laughter from how uncomfortable Sebastian looked. 

He was sitting on a chair in his race suit, foot propped up on a tyre. “Mrs. V,” the photographer calls, “go and join him.” 

You shook your head, “no, no. I’m good.” 

“Oh c’mon. I’ll send these to you plus, I've got some time to kill until Lance gets here.” He nods towards Seb and you give in after Britta nudges you off to him. 

How ironic that you just so happened to wear a green sundress that morning.

“Where do you want me?” You ask, looking at the photographer. “Uh - try the tyre. If it's uncomfortable, we can move.” 

Sebastian moves his foot and you sit on the tyre, fixing your dress before your husband leans in his seat to rest his chin on your shoulder, your hand coming up to rest on his cheek. The two of you are smiling and the camera flashes a few times. 

“Give us a kiss!” The photographer shouts and you laugh, Sebastian shakes his head. “Come on! It’ll be cute!” He shouts from behind the camera and Sebastian looks at you, waiting for your go ahead. You smile and he takes it a yes. 

He pulls the hat he had on, off before leaning in to kiss you but at the last second, just as his lips meet yours, he holds the hat up and blocks the two of you from the camera. 

You can hear the photographer laugh and your eyes meet Seb’s. “I love you.” He whispers. “I love you.” You smile. 

Lance and Sara arrive a few moments later and the photographer gets a few group shots. You and Sara lean over your boyfriend and husband’s shoulders, one of the 4 of you standing together, and he even manages to talk Lance and Seb into giving you two their race suits for a photo, posing back to back, Charlie’s angels’ style. 

Seb’s hand touches your back as he walks in and you smile at him, joining him in bed. He looks over at you when he gets into bed with you. 

“Do you think I did the right thing?” He asks, ever so cryptic. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Retirement; did I do the right thing?” 

Sebastian had announced his retirement the weekend before summer break and you supported him 110%. You knew he had been thinking about it since the end of his Ferrari days. 

“You’re the only one that can answer that question.” You tell him and he hums, looking at you. You take that as your chance to go on; “but I know you love this sport. It’s given you so much and you put everything into becoming the driver you are and have always been. You are formidable, my love.” 

Sebastian lived and breathed racing. It was in his blood, his DNA; it’s the way he was wired. It meant everything to him and you knew that. 

Anything he wanted to do, anything he set his mind to, you stood by him and supported him as much as humanly possible. 

The retirement decision was weighing heavy on him. You knew his feelings once he joined Aston Martin. He loved the team, they gave him his happiness back, he was at ease. 

Sebastian had always looked towards the future then looking back and unlike you, he knew when it was time to go. The time was now. 

He felt like he needed to step aside to make room for other drivers, he had gotten 15 amazing years from racing, and while it was his whole life, life also keeps moving regardless of what you want. There was more than just racing in his life now; he had a wife, kids, a family. They deserved the love and focus he put into racing. 

There was more to life, and that he was missing out on you and kids’ lives by being away so much.

Of course he will always be a champion to you, and to millions of people out there. 

“It’s time.” He says softly, reaching over to hold your hand. “My life is here.” 

You smile, nodding. Sebastian chuckles, his own internal dialogue making him laugh. “Maybe I'll make a comeback in a few years, when I get bored; like Michael or Kimi, or Fernando.” 

“Maybe you could take Christian up on that offer to rejoin RedBull hm?” You laughed. 

“You'll be the first one I talk to if I do it.” He says, smiling at you. 

Nudging him with your shoulder, you say; “the car’s a fricking rocket ship, you’d definitely win number five.” 

“Five championships for driver number five does have a nice ring, doesn’t it?” 

“It does.” You smile, leaning over to kiss your husband. 

----

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[riddle-me-ri]

Hi, I was reading some of your writings, and instantly fell in love, especially the btas penguin ones also Gotham, so I was wondering as a request, how would the BTAS Dork squad + Oswald and Harvey propose to their S/O+ What their wedding would be like (Bonus if there were some chaotic/ funny shenanigans happening.) if you don't mind. Love your work!!!!!

A/N: Aww thank you so much! I'm glad you love my writing! That means a whole lot! and omg…the timing of this is impeccable lol. I just got done with the third wedding in a row of a family member (literally only months apart from one another rip) so this will be fun! I won’t be doing Harvey, I know I’ve done him a couple times, but that was more for friends and to keep a certain writing pattern going for a request I did... I don’t mind Harvey, he’s a close favorite but I just…don’t feel comfortable writing for him? Also sorry there weren’t any choatic or funny shenanigans lmao I got way too wrapped up in the sentimentality and intimacy of it, I hope you don’t mind!

BTAS Dork Squad + Penguin - Wedding Headcanons

BTAS Riddler: 

Engagement: 

- Obviously, Eddie is going to make a game out of it. 

- Whether it’s a series of riddles he asks on a dinner date

- Or a small little intimate scavenger hunt

- Or a short and sweet video game on the computer. 

- Maybe even a trip in virtual reality where he takes you down an actual trip through memory lane…

- All options lead to him getting on one knee before you. 

- He makes it known that you’re the answer to the riddle of his own life, just when he thought he would never find one. 

- Edward won’t admit it, but he was extremely relieved when you said yes, always slightly worried it was too soon or too late to ask. 

Wedding: 

- It’s somehow simultaneously both grand yet intimate. 

- Only a few close friends or family of yours show up (if at all given his reputation)

- Edward ensures to only invite a few of his colleagues that won’t cause a total commotion. 

- He really only invited them to show you off anyway. 

- Of course the colors have to contain green in there somehow. 

- It’s fairly a traditional wedding, everything is serene and just perfect. 

- It’s rare to see Edward cry, but he definitely was shedding a couple tears or more

- When he first saw you, when you walked down, when you spoke your vows. 

- He can’t believe just how lucky he got. 

BTAS Scarecrow: 

Engagement: 

- As the Master of Fear, he knew better than anyone that he was absolutely mortified. 

- Jonathan knew it was only a matter of time, and after so many years…it was the proper order of things. 

- You two have even spoke in hypotheticals on marriage, and when your eyes glimmered at the prospect he knew what he had to do. 

- It did nothing to calm his nerves though, worried that just one slip up could utterly ruin the foundations you two have built. 

- He gulps down his fear and bravely gets down on one knee on the porch before you too head back into your home after a date night. 

- Jonathan is so relieved and overjoyed when you said yes. 

Wedding:

- Autumn colors, autumn colors, autumn colors. 

- No doubt takes place in either late October or early November. 

- It’s small and intimate, only a few close relatives or friends. 

- Jonathan didn’t even invite Harley, Edward, and others but they somehow found out and joined anyway.

- Harley self-appointed herself your maid of honor (if you didn’t have one already, so just roll with it, she’s so sweet) 

- Jonathan finds you breathtaking in your outfit. 

- He surprises himself as he finds himself getting choked up sometimes.

- Watching you smile, laugh, the ring on your finger almost seems to genuinely glow from your love for each other. 

- He looks back on this day fondly, a memory that would light up even his darkest of days. 

BTAS Mad Hatter: 

Engagement: 

(I lowkey actually did a scenario where he proposes to reader albeit it was in lieu of a friend but still works)

- This man’s love for you knows absolutely no bounds. 

- Never one to shy away from any extravagant displays of affection. 

- The engagement is no different. 

- Whether it be the conclusion to a small hedge maze you conquered together. 

- A sweet surprise at the bottom of your tea cup during a tea party. 

- It’s thoughtful, it’s clever, it’s adorable, and it’s 100% Jervis

- You couldn’t ever say no. 

- Jervis is just as excited as you are when you say yes. 

Wedding: 

- LOOKING GLASS THEMED DRESS/OUTFIT REVEAL

(Sorry, sorry, but that idea has never left my head. I sat through with my sister looking for themes for her reveal photoshoot and just had the biggest lightbulb moment)

- He’s confused at first of the two way mirror, yet when he slowly sees you appear on the other side you absolutely take his breath away. 

- Your overall wedding theme is Wonderland, because of course…

- It’s full of beautiful colors, every since of the décor is in reference to the Carroll novels

- White roses haphazardly painted table center pieces, stacks upon stacks of tea cups and saucers of different shapes and sizes, playing card themed napkins…

- Okay I’m making myself jealous of an actual fictional wedding hang on…

- Practically everyone that you two knew that adores you two is there. 

- Which means a handful of the Rogues gallery and any friends or family that support you.

- Jervis is overwhelmed with elation that you’re finally his in every since, to where there’s an actual physical representation of it in your rings. 

- Wonderland is no longer a fantasy, but a reality of waking up to your love each day. 

BTAS Penguin: 

Engagement:

- Oswald has thought about this moment…longer than he cared to admit. 

- He honestly had been thinking about it since the whole year you two had been a couple. 

- That was the longest anyone had been with him. 

- When a year, turned into more and more years well…much like Jonathan, he knew it was a matter of time to properly ask for your hand. 

- Doesn’t make him any less of a nervous wreck about it. 

- Oz takes you out on a date, he doesn’t want to make it too obvious but definitely pulls out all the stops. 

- Your favorite restaurant, your favorite place to stroll, your favorite activity…it’s all about you. 

- He does his best not to fumble as he gets down on one knee and finally asks the burning question. 

- He feels like the weight of the world is lifted off his shoulders and is relieved by pure joy when you say yes. 

Wedding: 

(I know technically BTAS Oz doesn’t own the Iceberg Lounge but his TNBA version does so we’re kinda overlapping canon here rip)

- The Iceberg Lounge serves as the perfect venue for your wedding. 

- Oswald takes some joy in not inviting or allowing any of Gotham’s social elitists into the venue. 

- Yes, yes, only a certain amount of people are allowed to see who is being betrothed to the Penguin. 

- Everything is pretty formal, a black-tie affair all around. 

- You don’t have flower girls, more flower birds as they swoop in and toss the petals along the aisle. 

- Oz is in awe of you as your presented.

- He’s worried he will wake up and you and all of this would be a dream, a fantasy. 

- Everything is real as you exchange vows, and he tries not to cry. 

- The evening continues without a hitch, well except for some of the birds accidentally making an oops on some Rogues, particularly a clown that wasn’t invited. 

- Oswald is thrilled to begin this new chapter with you. A chapter he thought he could never write in his life, but now thankfully he has you to help him write it.

[strwyofthesun]

reminiscing...

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

synopsis: you and leon return from a mission in europe. while settling back down in your shared apartment with him, the both of you take a trip down memory lane.

word count: 1.4k

content: just fluff lmao

a/n: this is my first post on here so i'm not really expecting alot. but i love writing (though i'm not the best at it) and so i'll probably be posting just for myself but if this is well received then why not post for the general public too i guess so let me know if u want me to write anything hehe... i hope u guys like it !

after returning from a long and exhausting mission with leon from europe, you headed back to your shared apartment with him to finally rest without the thought of zombies chasing the two of you like there’s no tomorrow. the keys to the apartment jangle in your hands as you open the door and let yourself and leon in with all your luggage.

“nothing better than home sweet home.” leon panted as he dropped the luggage onto the floor, clearly fatigued and body aching from the recent mission. he shuffles slowly behind you and wraps him arms around you while burying his face into your neck.

you chuckle, “i can’t agree with you more.” you kiss his head and just stay there, completely relaxing in leon’s arms. it felt like ages since the two of you have spent time like this. sure, you’ve been sent on missions together, but the feeling and the atmosphere feels different from then and now. serenity, calmness, feeling like you can actually let your guard down at last. it feels even better sharing these idle moments of peace with the love of your life, leon.

“hey c’mon, let’s unpack our luggage hm?” you said as your patted his head. leon removes himself from the side of your neck and looks up at you, “okay, okay…”

once the both of you finished unpacking, you both enjoy a warm shower together before snuggling close to each other in bed. the both of you were conversing when leon’s focus suddenly shifted to the large stuffed teddy bear that occupied the corner of the bedroom along with the other many stuffed toys.

“hey, what’s up? why are you looking at that?” you asked curiously.

“just reminiscing… it’s been awhile since i’ve won you another stuffed toy…” he replied, smiling at the memories that came flooding back to him.

—

during your trainee days at the RPD, one way to enjoy your time together with leon was going on dates at the carnival. the fun colors, the lights, the atmosphere, the screams of enjoyment rang in the air, what was there not to love? the carnival was like a breath of relief compared to the tense and competitive energy when training at the RPD. you’ve went on multiple dates at carnivals as trainees and as agents yet neither of you ever got tired of it. nothing felt old, everything always felt like a new and exhilarating experience with leon by your side. but the first time was particularly memorable to the both of you.

“come on! just put your hands up when we start going down, i swear it’ll be fun!”

“no, no, no, leon i can’t what if i fall from my seat?!”

“you won’t, i’ve got you!

“you promise?”

the rollercoaster was almost at its peak when you already started screaming as the gut wrenching feeling of anxiety starts kicking in.

“i promise.” leon said while giving you a reassuring smile as he intertwined his hand with yours. “here it comes!” he shouts as the rollercoaster began to descend at a rapid speed. you screamed your head off with leon as you both put your free hands in the air. the adrenaline was pumping in and for a moment you did enjoy it to some extent. but whatever enjoyment you had was short-lived once the ride was finished.

“oh god, i don’t think i’ll ever get used to that.” you murmur whilst getting off the ride. leon still held your hand as he assisted you all the while laughing at the state you’re in.

“need to throw up?” he joked. “fuck, i might thr-“ you cut yourself off and covered your mouth as you ran to the closest trash bin in sight. leon’s eyes widened and immediately ran after you. he held your hair back as you threw up what seemed like your breakfast and lunch into the trash bin.

“…are you okay?” leon asked quietly with a hint of remorse in his voice.

“do i look okay to you?!” you responded in a pissed tone.

“i’m so sorry… let me get you some water from one of the stalls while you freshen up in the comfort room ‘kay?”

you didn’t respond and headed straight to the comfort room. while you were fixing yourself up, leon was buying water from a nearby stall and even got you your favorite snacks. afterwards, he waited outside the comfort room to check up on you. a few seconds passed by until you exited the comfort room, still pissed at leon.

“i got you water and your favorite snacks... it’s important to rehydrate yourself when you thro-“

leon’s words were going in your ear and out the other, all you did was grab the water bottle out of his hand and drank it. he soon noticed that you weren’t paying any mind to him and abruptly stopped you.

“are you really mad at me?” his voice sounding more concerned this time. you answered back, “i don’t know leon, you tell me.”

“look i’ll make it up to you!” he quickly responded and swiftly scanned the carnival, thinking of ways to make it up to you. then, he spotted a mini-game that would later become a favorite of his in the future. “over there! a shooting game let’s go!” you scoffed as he dragged you to the stall like a little kid.

“hello there young man! interested in playing our game? all you have to do is shoot down all these five bottles to win the major prize for your little girlfriend over here!” the man handling game said to leon while smiling at you.

leon gave his money to the man and was given a toy gun loaded with only 6 pellets. “you have one pellet per bottle and an extra just incase you miss, goodluck!” the man enthusiastically greeted leon. “watch me make light work of this.” he said before giving you a wink.

he then cocked the gun and aimed it at the bottle. skillfully, one by one, leon took all the bottles down without even needing to use the extra pellet. you had to admit, seeing leon try really hard to make it up to you made your heart flutter, and the sight of him handling the gun so well just made you fall for him even harder.

“congratulations! you won! you may now pick your major prize.”

“i’ll have that one, the largest one!” he said excitedly. it pulled on your heart strings seeing leon in that state, feeling childish and so happy. knowing what he’s been through, he deserves all the best.

the man grabbed the large stuffed teddy bear and handed it to leon and his eyes sparkled with glee. he turned to face you as he gave you the teddy bear that was almost your size. you held the teddy bear and couldn’t help but break into a smile.

“thank you leon, i love it…” you say silently but loud enough for leon to hear. he felt a wave of relief seeing you finally smiling. he walked closer to you and gave you a sweet kiss on the lips, “you’re always welcome and i’m sorry, please forgive me…” he whispered. you glance over at leon and whispered back to him, “i forgive you…”

—

“i remember you throwing up a lot, you were so loud too that the kids were looking at you concerned and telling their mommies they didn’t want to ride what you rode.” leon said as he broke into a fit of laughter.

“and who’s fault was that?! weren’t you the one that dragged me into the ride?!” you shouted as you punched leon.

“ow! atleast i made up for it!”

“yeah, you did… you’re lucky those training sessions actually helped you.”

“what can i say? you’re looking at the man who topped his classes.”

“okay, okay, no need to get cocky, maybe you’re forgetting i ranked second to you”

“say that again. you ranked what? second!” leon burst into laughter once more and you retaliated by play fighting with him in bed. eventually, the two of you wore each other out and the both of you have calmed down from laughing so much that your stomachs hurt. you turn to face leon but he was already looking at you.

“i love you leon…” you said lovingly, placing your hand on his cheek and caressing it gently.

he held your hand that caressed his cheek and kissed it then leaned closer to you placing a kiss on your lips. “i love you too, more than you’d ever know…”

[mastersoftheair]

You're doing the Lord's work posting all of these pics from the boys instas, etc bc I do not have an Instagram or whatever and I would never see these things otherwise! Thank you!

you're welcome!!!! also, i am Not a social media person At All (i'm a tumblrina through and through). the only reason i have an instagram, really, is to message friends/family who almost exclusively message people through instagram for some reason lol

+ (overly-detailed) storytime about instagram research under the cut (since i'm using your ask to take a trip down memory lane...)

back in 2021, with tremendous help from @carninator-blog (who was equally as interested in the "MotA Cast Investigation"), i managed to cobble together a growing list of cast and crew members (sometimes, i was faster than imdb lol). instagram was the Key tho, like it was INVALUABLE! if you found one person, they might post a story that shows Another person with them and, if you recognized That person, then you could find Their profile (if they had one). and so on and so forth.

dramatic reenactment of this:

anyway, it's a lot easier to do the instagram stuff now (can you believe i mainly use it for "research"). i browse the search term "mastersoftheair" and have retired the rest: "mota" (too much weed lmao), "masteroftheair" (an easy typo, but no one makes that mistake anymore), and "whirlwind" (production name which yielded 1 result out of like. 50 or more). i even had to download an old version of the instagram app bc they just HAD to get rid of the "recent" tab which is crazy inconvenient! that's where all the timely information is!!

another thing. a few guys straight up Do Not have an instagram profile (....like nate mann. it'd be hypocritical of me to not respect it but come onnnnnnn, nate mann!!) and, while some guys Do have a profile, they never post anything about MotA Ever (like fionn o'shea). further- some guys don't have a profile anymore, but they used to (like kai alexander). some guys have a private one (valid. also callum turner), some guys suddenly got Verified some time inbtwn the production and the premiere (the elliot(t)s), and some guys changed their user name (like josiah cross). every once in a long while, i have to go update my cast/crew instagram profile list on google docs with all the names and links and GODDDD i sound like a weirdass stalker now that i've put this all into words, but believe me when i say i'm very much not invested in any of the actors' personal lives!! i try to keep it as professional as i can (everything's sourced, like an archive). i'm only ever looking for the MotA stuff, Exclusively.

additionally, a lot of behind the scenes pics and videos would Only get posted in cast members' stories. if i missed that 24hr window, i'd never see it again (unless they decided to put them on their profile), so, i'd check their instagram profiles Every Day whenever i was free. on the bright side tho, a lot of them were Fantastic behind the scenes pics/videos and "watching" the production of this show from afar (through instagram, of all things) was a lot of fun in the midst of pandemic anxieties and boredom (go check my 'video' tag if you're ever in the mood for some on-set cast shenanigans!)

while i'm here tho, i've gotta say that while keeping up with the cast back then was fun the Vast majority of the time (if nothing else, it gave me something to do during the chaos of 2021/22), i had a sorta anxiety about it sometimes wrt the, idk, "sensitivity" of the content. it was very NDA This, NDA That. i figured, "well, if they already posted it in their stories, it's probably fine" until one of the cast members Literally made a whole tumblr account and very kindly asked if i could please remove a few of the pics i posted of him bc he technically wasn't allowed to post them in the first place, so having them Out There could get him in trouble! i was SOOOO embarrassed about it and i felt Awful about the possibility of him getting in trouble all thanks to some hyper-observant internet rando (thankfully, tumblr is famously lowkey. it'd be different if it was as popular as twitter lol). after that incident, i had this semi-anxiety about "should i post this pic or just That one? should i Not post this?? should i download/save them and post them after there's a big announcement of some kind??? where's the line?!! What Do Now???!!". it didn't help matters when, in the MotA behind the scenes facebook page, a bunch of really cool set pictures would sometimes get deleted within an hour bc Whoops! the poster actually wasn't allowed to share those (and, even if i'd already downloaded them before they got wiped, would i be able to post them, despite being under no such NDA myself? or would i get another mysterious DM?)

but that's all in the past, now! i'm pretty sure i've posted Every Single One of those behind the scenes pics/videos, provided i downloaded them in time. if not, sometimes the (finally active) MotA subreddit has my back lol.

further, looking for Any MotA content during from 2021 to 2023 came with acknowledging the eventual "droughts" (what i nicknamed them) where it'd be a good while before i saw anything new at all. bc of this, i have a legitimate soft spot for certain cast members who posted a lot of updates/pics/videos Wayyyy before we even got the first teaser (s/o to luke coughlan, louis greatorex, jordan coulson, josh bolt, and josiah cross for keeping hope alive)

tl;dr- it's no problem and i'm happy to do it!

[mercurialmalcontent]

I re-read the original Schism up until the point the story really unraveled, and my big takes are

Wow, this is bad

I was really cooking with the horror elements even as much as they clunk

... and really brazenly using the names of people I didn't like for villains and annoyances, past!me had NO chill lmao

I had some interesting concepts and names that I've tucked away for reuse, and I verified that this original draft did have something all the aborted re-writes failed at -- atmospheric stage setting.

It got me thinking about what works for good stage setting and what fails. I think good stage setting involves things that don't really matter if they have a 'good' explanation so long as too much attention isn't drawn to them. Having weird things just to have them adds a lot of flavor! You want to match the mood, but otherwise, go nuts!

However, anything you draw a lot of attention to had better have a good tie-in to the characters, narrative, and/or themes and some kind of an explanation, or it's going to suck and undermine the story you're trying to tell.

*pointed look at Life is Strange*

Anyway, that was an interesting and useful trip down memory lane. Now I'm tempted to read through my other ancient NaNo novels. I know I haven't looked at one of them since I finished it as a full draft and edited it into something resembling coherence, and that was 20 years ago. I'm kind of scared to look at it...

[yujeong]

Question from the Fanfic Writers Ask Game:

11. What’s something neat you’ve learned while doing research for something you were writing? Also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

I'm extremaly curious to know what type of fandom research people do and learn about their discoveries.

Hiiii! Thank you for taking interest in this, I appreciate you sending me the ask ❤️ Hmm, I have a weird relationship with research: I always feel I do 1. No research at all and 2. Not enough, when I acknowledge to myself I had to look up at least SOME things for my fics. In general, I am ignorant about a LOT of stuff, so research feels daunting and scary and even when I discover what I want to, I don't know how to incorporate that into my stories or if it's even correct information. I feel super self-conscious about it, which is why I normally don't write fics that require knowledge I'm not at all familiar with. Cowardly, sure, but the potential mistakes are too many for me to take that risk. (I'm learning though! The next fic I'll post will include some Thai cultural stuff related to Dharma that I had to thoroughly study about. I can only hope I won't screw it up.) Self-deprecation aside, I'm going to share some of the stuff I had to research for my fics - posted or not - to help people understand what I mean:

1. I had to look up various medical facts about stabbing (how deadly it is, how much time someone needs to heal etc), due to a scene that involved one in The Knight's Pawn, 2. I looked up videos of Muay Thai sparring matches in order to be able to write a sparring match in The Knight's Pawn - as well as see the differences from western boxing. Muay Thai is also something I've researched for another fic and to properly understand Pete as a character, 3. I had to look up sooo many chess terms for The Knight's Pawn, specifically for the chapter titles and summaries. Fun fact, the title of the fic makes no sense in chess; I told my irl friend who plays chess as an amateur about it and he proceeded to lose his mind lmao, 4. This will sound silly probably, but I studied Bangkok's map in order to be able to figure out a driving path for a trip down memory lane. I specifically wanted to figure out the distance between the main and minor family compounds (fun fact, it's approximately 15 minutes by car and 1 hour via public transport). I also looked up Lumphini Park and it's how I found out about dragon lizards! Very cool creatures, I wouldn't go near one ever, though, 5. I don't know if this one counts, but for the things you can(not) change, I had to watch Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox around 5 times in order to be able to portray the parallels correctly haha, 6. Since just a mission was based on ApoBuild's Bvlgari event, I looked up the venue it took place in, which is Icon Siam near Chao Phraya River, one of the most famous shopping malls in Bangkok, 7. For To Consume and Be Consumed's 1st chapter I had to... um... look up if it's possible for someone to not get an erection even if both the prostate and the penis are stimulated for a long period of time. The results suggested it is, so I tried to not stress over it too much 😅 The reception of the chapter was a lot better than I anticipated too, so I was happy with it, 8. Now, to start off about the fics that haven’t been posted yet and to remain in the spirit of the horny, I've looked up about autoerotic asphyxiation, if it's safe to use ice cream during sex (it isn't), if it's safe to have sex when someone is sick (it depends), the effects of GHB and how damaging a human bite can be (a lot if it's not treated immediately due to the bacteria in our mouths), 9. In the same realm, I've done a LOT of studying about La Pietà, the famous sculpture by our boy Michelangelo, so much so that for a while I couldn't escape it - I was seeing it everywhere. I'll keep the reasons for doing such research hidden for now, but it does involve smut xoxo, 10. I've only scratched the surface for this one, but I have begun studying about chronic pain for a post-canon VP fic I want to write. It doesn't involve smut and I don't think it will, but you never know, 11. Again, idk if it counts, but I've read Uzumaki for a NonWhite/TeeWhite fic I want to write one day, in order to draw parallels and whatnot. I'm very into parallels in case you haven't noticed haha, 12. Last, but certainly not least, the most difficult thing I've been researching and will probably never stop researching is Buddhism. To truly get Pete, you need to understand even the basics of Dharma and there are just so many things I don't know about it. Baby steps, but I'm getting there.

[octoberautumnbox]

Hi box, it's your friendly neighborhood barrel back in your inbox after god knows how long.

Still quite busy, but the Yuri draft is coming slowly but surely. Eventually, I'll have free time to really put some elbow grease into this thing (at least, that's what I keep telling myself).

I don't know much about PH mythology, but I'm interested to see what you end up making out of it! Personally, I was more interested in Greek mythology when I was younger, although I've been years removed from that phase.

Where do you get your inspiration for plots from? Do you ever take events/characters in your personal life and spin them into your stories? Or do you get inspiration from other kinds of media, like movies, literature, music, etc? Maybe you look into spicier forms of media for inpsiration? Or perhaps ideas just come to you out of the blue?

After learning that a story I like stemmed from the author looking at a time in their life and going "What if I did this differently?", it's inspired to try and find things that happened to me that could make an interesting story. I've had... varying success, but it's been an interesting trip down memory lane at the very least.

Sorry for the long ask lol, I fell into a bit of a yappy mood today. Hope you're doing well! And I really liked your recent Apartment piece, Soda cutie <3

-🛢

hi 🛢 welcome back!!

most plots i come up with come from either whole songs or just lines! my life so far isnt fit for smut lol so its usually lots of just songs to draw inspiration from esp with the fics i alr have out, plus i have a pile of drafts including what im planning for august that are named after lyrics so i hope u stick arnd until then!! :DDDD

im not thinking as incessantly abt smut as I probably let on, in fact when i see yuri my mind autos to her cutiefulness or her vocal ability if shes performing, just really first and foremost im a fan im a glassy :blushh: i found it doesnt really matter what I write abt her but simply writing abt her is fun <3

i think everyone had a greek mythos phase LMAO percy jackson was mine that was real fun i wanna get back to trials of apollo and magnus chase actually

and i hope ur not putting too much pressure on urself to write! @midnightdancingsol might say differently lmao but fwiw the latest into a month i released a monthly fic was Like It Like I Love It on May 29th so like,, no rush :DDDD

[clotpolesonly]

Trick or treat!

you get glimpses into the oldest notebook i still carry around in my purse, which is a comp book from back when i was still actually taking notes in college 🤣

wHY EXACTLY is this STILL in my purse 9 years later, you may ask?? honestly i have no idea, it's just force of habit, that's it's home and i'm not going to evict it, that would be cruel

but this notebook was there for my transition from Merlin fandom to Teen Wolf fandom, which is fun to flip through. it also holds the honor of being where i finished my beloved magnum opus TBAK!!!

and here's the post-it note miraculously still hanging on in the front that has my (questionable) battle math on it 😅

my initial outline and awful attempt at a map (which i think went entirely out the window anyway) for the sequel Tempting Fate lmaoooo:

and then we turn the page and jump straight into my intersectionality in english lit class notes REM-DAC, which is a 2018 fic that i STILL have not finished to this day (🙃)

handwriting is really the only time that i do the sketchy scratched out Let It Be Bad I'll Fix It Later In Editing style of writing. usually i'm way too much of a perfectionist for that and i'll edit line by line as i go and not move on from a scene until i'm completely satisfied with the way it is on the page. which is why i turn to handwriting when i'm stuck. it gives me permission to be messier and thus often unsticks me. all my notebooks are full of, like, bits and pieces of stories, jumping back in whenever i can't make words in my gdoc. which is kinda fun to look back on. polished gdocs don't show the process as well.

and from that straight into my Stira fic!!!! oh i forgot that would be in here too 😍

there's one (1) page of a Laura & Derek kidfic about them being kidnapped that i COMPLETELY forgot i ever even considered writing aldkfjgaldfj

then some blocking notes from a musical i was in at the time LMAO, this notebook really has it all

aaaand into my absolute favorite: The Angsty Shibari Fic 🔥

this notebook has my angsty badwrong Steo smut, some of the Dallison romeo & juliet fic i SWEAR i'm gonna finish someday cuz i'm really proud of the prose and the voice i had going (prequel to this one), OH IT'S EVEN GOT THE BEGINNING OF MY STILL UNFINISHED CAPRI LAMEN ESCAPE ROOM FIC, bits of two different Stackson fics (a smut and a fluff), the outline for my Steter fic with them bonding over body dysmorphia, and the beginning of the Sterek road trip fic that kicked off my solid 3 years of writers block at the end of 2019 😅

........so that was a fun trip down memory lane for me, not sure if that counts as a trick or a treat for you, hahaha

.

trick or treat with me!!

[homicidal-slvt]

"Memory Lane"

-

Same universe as Stitched Hearts, Vodka Soaked Memory, Even When I Doubt You & The Canine.

-

Leon S. Kennedy x F!Reader

-

Important: Kitty is technically my OC however it is written as if you are her so it's still an x reader, her appearance isn't described, Kitty is bisexual and that is sometimes mentioned when I write her.

-

Warnings: Angst, Almost fluff but not really, Blood/Injury Mention

-

You had convinced Leon to let you talk with Canine again, this time you were a lot calmer and so far everything was going well.

Aside from the fact he kept dodging your questions still.

"Your goggles are new. You used to only wear the face mask."

He remarked why staring up at you, visibly tension rose after that comment. Letting out a dry laugh you stepped forward. That was it.

"So, you want to take a trip down memory lane?"

That comment actually seemed to crack him a bit, his breathing faltering for a moment and his body tensed.

-

"I'm gonna step out to grab some coffee. Are you absolutely sure you can be alone with him?"

"I'll be fine, Leon. Thank you."

You smiled and gave his arm a reassuring pat which earned a chuckle from the blonde, he shook his head at you slightly.

He was worried but also trusted you and glanced towards Canine, the look in his eyes a silent warning.

He then slipped out the door leaving you to yourself with the man you used to know so well.

-

There wasn't much distance between you and Canine, there was no need for there to be.

"How about we talk about the fact you fucking handed over that virus to those assholes."

Your tone was nothing short of venomous.

"The fact you blatantly betrayed me and everyone else. The fact that I ran in there to save you, horrified when I saw you beaten and bloody... Only discover that whole time..."

You had to stop yourself before you blew up, threatening to rip at the seams.

You were shocked by the expression on the man's face, that smile was gone almost as if it was a mask... His deep green eyes broken and expression littered with regret.

The weight of it all crushing him as well.

"I never meant for any of that to happen... They..."

Walls were closing in. Hard to breathe.

"They what?"

You were confused and anger still burnt your insides, snapping at him slightly making him tense again.

"They were going to kill you... I couldn't just... I couldn't let them... I had to give it to them... After I realized what I had done I... I cost so many lives and I just... I was selfish I couldn't..."

His words were jumbled and breathing ragged, he had fought back the pain of his own choices for so long, not entirely selfish but desperate. Running from the problem leaving you with the idea he had always been using you.

"I hated myself so much that I needed you to hate me too..."

The admission stung both of you deep, before the logical part of your brain kicked in you hugged him tight, basking in his warmth and letting his face bury into your shoulder.

Even while sitting down he was really tall.

The familiarity of two heart broken people just trying their best coming to the surface. His own anger at himself ended up hurting you more than if he had simply told the truth at the start.

So long living with misconceptions.

Living with him pretending to be someone else just because he couldn't stand himself.

Upon the realization of the extent of damage he did to you the truth had spilled... A chance at starting over, maybe?

"Did... I miss something?"

Nothing short of awkward Leon had returned with two coffees, seeing you hugging Canine was definitely not expected.

Leon's stance and tone reflected that slow pause of pure confusion, that little dumbfounded face he made that never failed to amuse you even in situations like this.

"Yeah. A bit."

-

{More Canine because yes. I had trouble with this one cause I struggled with making it make sense and not feel forced. It still feels forced but I'm tired of staring at it so it y'all's problem now. lmao}

-

{@sofasoap }

-

{More Content}

[gunsatthaphan]

Okokok! Breaking News! They finished shooting Be My Favourite! So we might expect it in the forseeable future maybe even after ABAAB!

I am so not mentally ready for this thing I am sorry but from the bts picture I can't see any chemistry between the 2 of them! they literally look like 2 random friends attending a wedding(the tuxedo picture) and just hanging out in uni I am sorry but I don't think this shit show is gonna work, p.s. I don't think Krist is a good actor(other than being unlikeble) and Gawin can shoulder only so much boy is only one he can't provide for 2 people! when Mike left they should have recasted Krusty as well and chose Podd! but alas Krist is still one of their popular actors...

Well lets brace ourselves for it cuz "BMF IS COMING"!

yeah I saw lol.

They filmed this show for 4(!!!!) months which is insane lmao. Idk how many episodes we're in for but I'm scared lol.

We all know this won't work and tbh I wouldn't be surprised if they,,, uhm. altered the plot a little lol. Like it's still gonna be a bl probably but I'm expecting it to be very different from other gmm productions. I'm getting ready to take a trip down 2016 bl memory lane with this one if you know what I mean lmao. I'm preparing for sniff kisses, awkward hugs and "I'm not gay I only like you" kinda vibes lmao.

Objectively speaking Krusty is not the worst actor ever, he has some experience under his belt but he's definitely not in the upper category lmao. And as much as I love Gawin, he's not part of the A-listers either so yeah. Either it will be so strange that it's entertaining or they will somehow magically create something amazing and leave us all shook fdjkghf

But either way it's gonna be weird. Even the acting coach said their chemistry is "different" fdjkhgd. gosh. I'm preparing for the worst. Also yes, this could've been the perfect PoddGawin reunion. From what I know about the characters, Podd would've fit the role of Pisaeng perfectly so if they had kicked Krusty out and switched the roles, this would've been perfect. But this??? nah lmao.

But yeah. Can't wait to tune in and laugh the cringe away djkhgdf

xxx

[novantinuum]

Fic Stats meme

Rules: Give us the links to your fics with the most hits, second most kudos, third most comments, fourth most bookmarks, fifth most words, and your fic with the least amount of words.

Tagged by @itcantbe, thank you!

__

Most hits: Hollowed Moon, an unfinished Steven Universe canon divergent thing that strangely took off like wildfire due to the SU movie coming out days before posting and the story's inclusion of Spinel. Over 37,000 hits for a fic that barely has 8K words... I really don't understand either, ahahah. I'm flattered, though.

Second most kudos: Crack the Paragon, an unfinished Steven Universe canon divergent fic where all of the season 5 plot bombs come crashing down on Steven and his family in the Bismuth episode, and things get Messy. 1,697 kudos.

Third most comments: Misalignment, an unfinished Steven Universe: Future canon divergent fic where a very troubled Steven runs away, and his family has to deal with the fallout. 230 comments.

Fourth most bookmarks: Shattering Atlas, a Steven Universe speculative fic written two months before SU: Future aired that focuses on the theory that Steven would corrupt himself due to his extreme emotional turmoil. 142 bookmarks, 103 of those are publicly visible.

Fifth most words: A Tale of Two Trollhunters, a super niche Gravity Falls/Trollhunters fusion crossover I started and never did anything with beyond four chapters (and one half chapter I have on the sidelines.) Honestly I still quite like the general premise of this one, I might continue on with it eventually if I get bored. 14,954 words.

Least words: Mistress of Disguise, a quick Doctor Who series 8 fic focusing on Missy being a little shit in the scene during the finale where she kisses the fuck out of Twelve unprompted. 213 words.

__

LMAO I'm not surprised that there's no LoZ represented within the top few stats, but it's hilarious to me that there's an example of literally every other fandom I've written for in this list.

Tagging some others to take a trip down memory lane on AO3: @infriga, @endae, @anistarrose, @farore-or-less, @fanfoolishness

[effervescentandpuzzlingself]

Dear Reader,

Happy New Year! :)

Hope you're doing well! Just giving you a little update from my end. I've been busy sorting out some stuff in my life, which is pretty exhausting, but I'm hopeful for better days ahead.

The other day, I had been transferring files from my laptop to an external hard drive and ended up taking a trip down memory lane with old photos and videos. It made me realize that I've always been pretty, even though I often overlooked it and felt inadequate. It's quite a revelation to recognize your own worth, isn't it?

On another note, my days are still a bit chaotic. I'm currently sorting out some invoice issues with the finance team. Seems like there's always something brewing between HR and Finance, but thankfully, I still have a few friends in that department.

I tried to organize a lunch with my work friends last Friday to relax a bit, but everyone was waiting for payday, so it didn't happen. I also reached out to Bella, but she wasn't feeling well. Fortunately, Qui came to the rescue and invited me for coffee, which turned into a samgyupsal feast. We were stuffed! We had to wrap up around 8:15 PM because he had a meeting, but it was great to get out and forget about work for a while.

Oh well, that's it, Reader. Hope you are having some fun reading my stories - my crazy life. LMAO!

[ultrastupid]

I'm mirroring most of my completed works on ao3 over onto Squidgeworld's Ao3 clone (I ain't moving and I ain't one of those annoying doomsdayers in the comments of news posts, I'm just mirroring them) and

How did I write so many NSR fics? How did I write so much in general of course, but really, how did I WRITE SO MUCH FOR NSR OVER THE YEARS-

Also get to take a trip down memory lane for the fics of mine that I don't mind looking at lmao, since I'm only mirroring complete fics that aren't locked to registered users only. Like how did I write a 22 chapter long fic about 1010 fucking, good god-

[lakemichigans]

i seriously cannot stop listening to halsey badlands like it's 2015 and i just ended my tumultuous relationship with my high school not-boyfriend who sells weed behind the bleachers and says he'll kill himself if i leave him

[lightninginapuddle]

Episode 8 brought the high to a new level... And the worst of the low. Fans were so excited for the social media content we were about to have of those two lovesick mecs, and at the same time, even as clowns, we knew shit was about to go down and end in PAIN.

And boy, it did exactly that.

Let’s go right into part 7 of my trip down memory lane of those moments that got us shook, excited and all that jazz in season 3.

Episode 8, or … “The one where Eliott is in every clip… IN THIS ECONOMY?”

No, I’m not kidding, Eliott… in. every. single. clip. After 7 weeks of waiting for him to appear and us joking around that he only showed up on Fridays in the same brown jacket, having so many scenes with Eliott was a blessing.

Little did we know it was to make the ending even more painful.

Yeah, thanks for that David.

So… The episode made the fandom go from this:

To this:

And finally, to this:

Seriously, we needed those.

It was vital.

Adding a ‘read more’ right here ‘cause you guys know by now that I can’t control myself:

1)     The weekend that turned the fandom into a puddle of goo.

So.

Let’s go back to Saturday morning.

We knew the “Man of my dreams” scene was about to drop.

We knew Eliott was about to dance to a ridiculous song (which btw had the French fans guessing which one it would be for WEEKS and because of the Booba song in the credit, we thought it might be that one).

We knew we were going to die of happiness.

We just didn’t know we’d have to wait this long to have it …

(Well… 11am. We really were a bunch of dramatic clowns, weren’t we?)

… And that Eliott wasn’t going to dance at all in that scene… “WHERE IS MY ELIOTT DANCING SCENE?”

(In episode 2 apparently)

… And that the “Mannen i mitt liv” love confession wasn’t going to happen either.

Lmao.

The first step of our melt-down started with the first clip.

The clip started with Sleeping Lucas:

But ‘oh no!’ Eliott was gone:

And the fandom knew Eliott was still there, but “WHERE DID THEY SLEEP?”

“Wait, did they go home still covered in paint?”

“Why are they at Lucas’ when Eliott lives alone???”

And then we remembered about this guy:

(Oh? He was alive then... Good to know)

“Uh oh, mass = church = O Helga Natt scene = We gon’ die.”

Yeah, you know the one.

And then Lucas heard Eliott’s voice:

(That shot is a LOOK)

Eliott was very proud of his deadly omelette:

Then, because he has no shame, Eliott asked this:

The fandom was living for it.

Ya hear?

LIVING!

Me-?-Hearing-you-having-loud-sex-?-NEVER face:

But Lisa came in and told them that yes, they were loud, and she proceeded to roast everybody:

(Skam France, please, I’m trying to get cool screenshots and I couldn’t get ANY from Lisa’s face. Help a girl out here!)

So, really, NO SHAME:

When they were left alone, Lucas made this face:

And it was all because of this guy who acted all innocent:

So Lucas called him out:

“Yes Lucas! You guys still need to talk!”

So Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas with his eyes:

And it worked:

“Lucas!! You’re so whipped!!”

And when they finally said they both wanted something serious, Eliott smiled happily:

And then this one begged for a kiss:

And it was one hell of a kiss:

Love that for us.

The mood of the clip was very that:

“GET IT LUCAS!”

The second step of our melt-down started after the first clip, when we got BOMBARDED by social media update throughout the weekend.

If I remember correctly, this happened first:

So, of course the fandom was like “HE SAW ELIOTT’S POSTS ABOUT HIM!!” and then “But what about the other ones? Is he not going to ask any questions? He’s not curious??”

I remember people praying that Lucas would feel intrigued by Eliott’s other posts, but it didn’t come up.

Also, a lot of the fandom felt ROBBED about not seeing Lucas discovering Eliott’s IG on camera. People wanted a clip with it so bad and I think they wanted the PONI clip to include it.

Oh well.

Then, the first pictures dropped where Lucas warned us he might not survive that omelette:

(Did we survive that omelette?)

And Eliott was like “my boyfriend is throwing up in the sink because of me, let’s share it with the world!”:

(Okay then lmao)

Later that day, Lucas posted this story:

The fandom LIVED for that story because:

-Call your girlfriend!!

- That bitch had no shame, petty Lucas going for Lucille without any remorse.

-Axel jumped out of that Insta (and boy was there a debate about that too!)

I think it’s the moment we realised what Maxence meant when they talked in that Serieously interview with that “90% of Axel’s ideas are terrible”.

Yeah, that’s when most of us started realising it.

But then Sunday arrived… And it was over for us.

Because Eliott decided to kill us with this first ever IG picture of them as a couple:

And then this happened:

“OMG, I CAN’T WITH THEM!”

Lucas needed to kill us even more, so we got this one too:

(“Axel… Is that you?”)

(Also… “WAIT? Did Eliott cut his hair????”)

And Lucas’ friends liked that picture too!

So, of course the fandom really wondered how they’d react when they’d meet Eliott officially.

Since, you know, they knew they were together now.

And then Eliott posted this:

And skamlaserie decided to go for the jugular:

“OMG, the parallel universe with Isak/Even, Nicolo/Martino and now Lucas and Eliott!! Skam France, my heart can’t handle this right now!!!”

After Sunday, the fandom was basically thinking one thing:

“They really are going to be that couple, heh? The ‘let’s rub our love in people’s faces’ type of couple!!!”

And we LOVED it.

2)     The butt and dick print mystery

After the weekend that took the fandom straight to Cloud 9, Monday had us wondering how Daphné would react to the mess Lucas and Eliott surely had made in the common room.

I think a lot of us thought she was going to be PISSED.

And also:

“We’re going to see them coming in school hand in hand! Guys it’s happening!”

Yeah...

It didn’t.

Don’t love that for us.

The clip started with the girl squad’s reaction:

And Lucas was a bit like “woops”:

(Whereas Eliott was just admiring it)

But Daphné, contrary to what we thought, LOVED (that) the mural (was made by gay decorators):

(Notice Alex facepalming)

And just because I laughed for five minutes watching this in slow-mo:

(Yes, my montage is ugly. Lmao)

That face was a MOOD.

Those two weren’t very impressed with Daphné either:

Then Lucas left to answer his dad’s text:

“We GET IT! You’re going to the mass! Stop reminding us”

Also “Fuck off! ‘Think of your mother’ my ass! Where were you when Lucas was asking you for money just so he could eat?????? WHERE???”

And Eliott, who was talking to Daphné, made this ‘don’t leave me with her’ face:

“Please Lucas!! Come back!!”

(I can relate to that, I’d be worried too.)

And Lucas bluntly came out to his dad:

“Look at that proud smile!! Lucas we’re so happy for you!!!”

Also, the final glow up of the mec story: from ‘mec, he’s no one’ to ‘he’s my mec”.

Love that for us.

And then they hugged like that:

Just look at this:

“My heart! My heart!”

And Daphné, was a mood tbh:

But the biggest talk of the clip ...

Was something else entirely…

Because right there, in the middle of the mural… Was a butt:

And we knew who was responsible because they were SO proud of it:

“OMG!!! Eliott is like ‘Yeah, we did that, what about it?’”

So, Alexia and Emma made it a point to discover which body part belonged to whom:

They even had to talk about it on IG:

Remember how at the end of episode 7, people were wondering whose butt it was that we saw?

Well, Alexia was a representation of the fandom at that point:

(But honestly though, a butt, I understand it can leave a mark if it’s pressed against a wall, but who rubs their dick on a wall? I’m… concerned. Especially since that dick is the size of the butt lmao.)

Bless Manon for giving us this though:

3)     The clip where the boy squad was actually the Skam France fandom

After seeing the girl’s reaction to the butt but mostly, to Lucas and Eliott’s relationship, the fandom was pretty happy (and some surprised) about how ‘public’ they were.

So, with the girls now aware of that new development, the fandom was very curious about how it was going to go down with the boys.

The third clip dropped on Tuesday and started off with Basile talking about Daphné (AGAIN):

And they bumped into a very smiley Eliott:

Lucas was like “sup, mec?”:  

And he waited a bit, for suspense’s sake:

(Because he’s a dramatic hoe remember?)

And those guys CLEARLY had no idea:

(Guys, we’ve seen you liking that IG pic, you been knew!)

Then Lucas spilled the beans:

And CHAOS erupted:

(And I think Yann stole Arthur’s teeth)

“OMG, those guys are so EXTRA”:

(And that blond girl was judging them so HARD)

But those guys loved it:

Special mention to that moment where Lucas was denied yet another kiss:

Another special mention to the fact it was called “La violence” and we didn’t understand at ALL why it was tilted that way. It turned out it was a line that was taken out, but boy were we CONFUSED.

Now, I know what you’re going to say.

“But what about the rest of that clip?”

Well…

I was keeping it for later.

Meaning right now:

4)     “Eliott is not going to show up on Wednesday”

Let’s go back to earlier in the Tuesday clip.

When I said we couldn’t wait to see the boys’ reaction, it was actually 50/50, because fans were mostly worried thinking about that scene in OG.

Remember, Even had acted strangely in that clip, so fans were on high alert for Eliott’s behavior, looking for ‘signs’ of a potential manic episode.

So, in the clip, Yann said this:

As well all know, Wednesdays of Season 3 have left a trauma in the Skam France’s fandom.

Because after Mercredi 13h43 and Mercredi 13h37, fans were now very, VERY weary when a date was given for a Wednesday, especially when Eliott was concerned.

So, when Eliott said he’d love to come…:

… Fans were triggered.

“He’s not going to come” was definitely the first thing a lot of fans thought right away.

And it didn’t get better when Yann said Lucas was not Eliott’s father:

(They had a good laugh about it but AT WHAT COST?)

“Oh God, Lucas is going to become controlling and Eliott is not going to like it right?”

And then Lucille called:

(Lucas’ face was a mood tbh)

And the mood definitely changed in that moment:

That guy was NOT pleased:

(Typical ‘Bitch, please’ look if you ask me)

But Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas with his eyes again:

But Lucas wasn’t really falling for it this time:

So Eliott did that:

And “damnit Lucas!” It worked:

And then Eliott killed the fandom by doing this again:

And kissed him a second time:

And then came back for a third kiss:

And a FOURTH?:

(I mean, love that for us)

Then he walked backwards:

(Because why not?)

And Lucas had completely forgotten about Lucille:

(Lovesick I tell you!)

The fandom: “Friday who? Don’t know her”

Lucas didn’t really forget about her though, because later that day, we got this:

That text convo got the fandom pretty worried.

Because we knew that Skam France like to be more dramatic and we had severe trust issue.

And we knew the shoe had to drop at some point, so the fandom was really overanalysing everything.

So when Lucas said ‘I’m happy you’re coming tomorrow’ and Eliott answered with that big smiley face, the fans freaked out.

There were really three main theories about the Wednesday clip:

-        Eliott wasn’t going to show up

-        We weren’t getting a clip and all we were having would be IG posts from the boys wondering why Eliott wasn’t there.

-        Eliott was going to come but he was going to be very EXTRA and weird and maybe have a very public breakdown

So needless to say, we were all dreading that upcoming clip.

Little did we know; the Wednesday clip was NOTHING like we expected.

Special mention to that comment: ‘I don’t make noise yet when I think of you’ who made a lot of fans very confused, even French people (heck, that sentence still hurts my brain and I’m French, the literary student in Eliott really jumped out here tbh).

5)     The clip that no one asked for… Literally.

So, remember, the tension was very intense on Wednesday and we were waiting anxiously for the clip to drop.

And when it did, we saw a bunch of people studying:

“Ok…? But where is Lucas though? Show him to me Skam France!”

And suddenly, we saw those two cuddling against a tree:

They were soft:

Hands were delicately caressing arms:

And plans were made for Friday:

“Ah… So, we worried for nothing because Eliott showed up and he’s acting completely normally.”

But also:

“So… It’s not an impulsive act? Eliott isn’t pulling an Even and randomly checking in a suite?”

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?”

And then… Well from then on, fans weren’t very happy with that clip initially.

Well except for Daphné telling Basile to piss off:

“YES DAPHNE, you tell him!”

And Alexia talking menstruation with her boyfriend who made that face:

And then we got this switch in POV… That lasted 2min:

That clip got a LOT of people pissed off.

“We see Eliott and Lucas for 30 sec out of a 4:30 clip? REALLY? And that switch in POV? WTF?”

“They put the ‘Hate comes from fear’ speech in episode 7 instead of 8 for THIS?”

But some fans were not that bothered by it, because we were only missing 2 main clips at that point:

-        Lucas coming out to his mom (that we didn’t end up having AT ALL in episode 8)

-        the Hotel Scene

Also, the side plots needed to develop a bit more (so the Daphné/Basile storyline that NO ONE wanted at this point and the Manon/Charles relationship status).

And more than half of the episode was left to be seen.

But hey, we still got this picture from “Stalkeuse” Daphné:

6)     The clownery for season 4… was very strong in this episode

Something that is quite heart-breaking going back through season 3 events is the HYPE around season 4.

So many people were really intrigued and pleasantly surprised about how they were mapping season 4 with little winks in season 3.

First, we got that little exchange between Eliott and Imane in the Monday clip:

“It’s a SIGN! Guys, Eliott and Imane are RISING! It’s going to be amazing I KNOW it!”

Yep, fans thought we’d get to see a LOT of Eliott and Imane’s friendship in season 4 and we then knew for sure that they knew each other from before. And it got the fandom very excited to know more about Eliott’s backstory.

(I’m sorry for bringing this up, I really am)

And then, we got that conversation between Emma and Manon in the Wednesday clip:

Because they took that clip and basically gave it to Manon to explain about Charles, fans thought that Manon’s relationship drama wouldn’t take over Imane’s season.

Yep.

The clownery was very real.

(Again, I’m sorry for bringing this up)

7)     The clip that got us bawling our eyes out

The fans knew the episode wasn’t going to end well.

We knew we were heading for pain and sorrow and heartbreak.

And we knew Skam France loved to hurt us as much as they loved to make us happy.

Theories were running wild, but the fans were clowning themselves for the after Lucas knows Eliott is bipolar the most:

“Lucas is going to have a different reaction than Isak, he saw the other IG posts : he’s going to fight for Eliott”

“Eliott will pull back but Lucas will say ‘NOPE’”

“Lucas will NEVER believe Lucille when she tells him Eliott’s feeling weren’t real, NEVER”

“Oh God … They were SO public; this is going to be baaaaad”

This and a LOT more, fans were so so worried.

Also, fans couldn’t wait to see Maxence acting out a manic episode, expectations were high (remember the fans who thought he couldn’t act? There were still some of those running around).

We waited 2 full days for the last clips, waiting anxiously to be crushed all over again.

The worst was knowing that half of the episode was left. HALF.

First, we got these around 16h/17h:

“This is not a drill!! We have a time of death. Doom is upon us!! Everybody HIDE!”

Now...

Just know it’s about to be PAIN from then on, I’m warning you right now.

I’m sorry to make you relive this, I truly, truly am.

The second to last clip started with the guys goofing around:

(I’m not going to lie, I love that scene… up until THAT moment, you know which one I’m talking about)

And we got that wholesome moment where Lucas was very us in that moment, because “Where did Eliott take Lucas???”:

“Guys, stop, you’re too cute!”

And Eliott was very excited about it:

And bless him, Lucas was in awe:

(LOOK AT THAT FACE!!)

Look at that face too, Eliott was so happy:

Then we got the “c’est mon mec, il est canon” that fans REALLY wanted to see in that version:

Seriously, they are going to give me a heart attack:

“Tu viens?” Which led to “Aller!”:

ICONIC.

(That whole interaction was gold)

Then we got that part where those guys had a “fancy” little diner:

Which gave us this very used “TEA” meme:

And it wasn’t even real champagne:

”We still love you Eliott, it’s okay.”

Then Lucas was super playful and acted like a culinary expert or something:

(The power of ham, a power I never expected)

Then Eliott tried to hypnotize Lucas again:

And boy was Lucas WILLING :

And we FINALLY got the shotgun fans were asking for all season:

Then we got EYES:

No, really, look at that:

(Dear God, guys, this shit is too powerful)

Then we jumped straight to the sex scene:

(That a lot of fans thought was “TOO SHORT!!! I WANT MORE!”)

We saw a lot of rolling around:

And hands roaming everywhere:

And Lucas was loving every moment:

(Good for you Lucas!)

And then…

Well we know things got real very fast:

At first they talked about their wedding:

And Lucas was like “Oook…??”:

(I mean, same, marriage scares the shit out of me)

But he was mostly weirded out by the Menu at the wedding:

(“First the toxic omelette and now chips and ham? Do you hate people, Eliott?”)

And then his face morphed from this:

(Or “Hahaha, Eliott, you’re so goofy!”)

To this:

(Or “Okay mec, you’re starting to freak me out a little”)

Because Eliott was just…:

… Very into his dealing weed-Cold War of Ham story:

No, really, he thought it was hilarious:

“Damnit Maxence, why did you have to be so good in that scene?”

Yeah, mood:

Then Eliott asked how many Lucas and Eliott were married in other parallel universes:

“SO MANY ELIOTT!!”

But then it took a dark turn, and Lucas wasn’t amused anymore:

“Don’t say shit like that Eliott, please! Everything is going to be fine; I promise!!!”

Really not amused:

(That scene was hard to watch, so very hard)

“Oh God… Can we go back to when the clip started, and they were two lovesick idiots goofing around? This isn’t what I want!!!”

Oh yeah, we also got this:

But most of us had already watched the episode by then, so we were like

😬

Thanks I guess?

And then the last clip started…

And boy, the fandom wasn’t ready for it.

Because Eliott was clearly not having the best of time:

“It hurts, it hurts! Eliott, please come into my arms”

And then he decided to put his shoes on to go swimming:

(So, nothing out of the ordinary right? RIGHT?)

Except that the waters of La Seine are very unsanitary, and you just DON’T swim in it.

I’m not kidding, people died because they did, if you come to Paris, don’t do it.

So, needless to say, the fans started to freak out.

If Lucas was puzzled at first:

He still went back to sleep:

“WTF??? Lucas WAKE UP! LUCAS!!!”

And then he got it:

“Yes, Lucas, you need to move NOW!”

And then Axel murdered that scene and the fandom with it.

Lucas was very worried at first:

Like, very:

Then the panic came:

And, Oh God, that face was just heart-breaking:

Then he called Lucille:

(Look at that body language though, Axel… “WHERE’S YOUR OSCAR???”)

And he freaked out some more:

(It was unbearable to watch him pace around like this and be a simple viewer)

Then we waited for Lucille to arrive:

And when she did, Lucas was pure confusion and terror:

(This performance really reminds me of how old how Lucas really is tbh, he looks so young)

Then Lucille yelled at Lucas that Eliott was bipolar:

And a lot of fans were like “Here we go again with people talking for Eliott and not letting him say it himself”

Lucas was like ‘what?’:

After more yelling from Lucille and Lucas feeling terrible about the situation, Lucille got a phone call from the police:

But Lucas was SO relieved that Eliott was safe:

So he decided he was coming with her to see Eliott:

“Yes! Lucas wants to see Eliott! He loves him too much! Everything is going to be fine!!!”

But nope.

Because she opened her mouth and crushed his hopes (and ours):

“SHUT UP LUCILLE! No one asked for your opinion! You don’t know ANYTHING!”

And then she talked for Eliott (AGAIN!) and added this vicious little comment:

(Thank you, Lucille, no really, thank you so much)

Don’t love that for us:

Yeah… mood:

And of course, because we weren’t gutted enough, we got this text where Lucas was freaking out:

OUCH.

“I take it Lucas isn’t going to take Eliott’s bipolarity well then?”

Love that for us.

Not.

But basically, after those 2 clips, the fandom was very much like this:

“GIVE THEM ALL AN OSCAR YOU COWARDS!”

And went straight back to that now essential survival kit:

8)     Because I refuse to let this post end on such a depressing note, here’s what happened that week on social media.

Samedi 9h17 reached 1 million views that week.

(And Vendredi 18h35 was already at more than 500K views when Samedi 9h17 did THAT)

We got that interview from BFM TV (a French News Channel that EVERYBODY makes fun of because they are very bad, but hey, they gave us Skam content):

The second one was of Axel saying that Maxence had to do nothing to get girls (Look who’s talking lmao)

And the third one was Axel going OFF about popularity in High School.

Special mention to us clowns, praying for a « shower » text and never getting it

We also got the first part of Maxence and Axel’s interview for Melty (also a website who doesn’t have the best of reputation tbh)

That interview basically told us about the Mural scene and how they hadn’t seen each other for a few days before filming it, how they missed each other, and how they didn’t even pay attention when David yelled ‘CUT’.

(and we didn’t know at that moment how MANY infos we were going to get about that scene lmao)

Speaking of which, David killed us right of the bat on Saturday morning with that BTS post:

Maxence did a bunch of lives that week.

In one of them, this happened:

Yep, Sir srodulv himself broke the fourth wall.

Also: “PLEASE MAXENCE, SPEAK IN ENGLISH!!!!” and Maxence “NAH”

And then Axel made an appearance to troll Maxence during that live:

And Maxence’s reply: “And you’re a little hedgehog”.

The fans were MELTING.

We also got some BTS for Sidaction and Sos-Homophobie:

And the Echo concert happened where Maxence wore this:

And where he learned someone had adopted a real raccoon for him (Maxence couldn’t stop talking about it)

Special mention to the fans who were freaking out online thinking people were overcrowding Maxence and promising a CRUSADE on the fans doing this to him. It turned out, it wasn’t like that at all and the night was pretty chill overall. The Skam France fandom is really that dramatic.

We also got that BTS photo:

And last, but certainly NOT LEAST, we got that amazing interview of Maxence for Actor’s Factory.

We learned that Maxence is just plain adorable:

And this too:

But mostly, we learned that Maxence was Eliott’s number 1 fan:

And then Maxence got us all crying when we realised how much he related to Eliott:

And he killed us when he said that:

MUST. PROTECT. AT ALL COST:

To conclude: