#i'm terrified and so exhausted all the time and have some sort of panic attack almost daily it's just

[teethrotter]

panic

[spacexseven]

hello its dazai anon I'm currently thinking about subordinate au dazai so here i go

ive been imagining that in the verison of events where dazai catches feelings for darling cuz they (despite the many many reasons they'd have to let him suffer and die) took care of him while he was injured, that dazai would be very interested in paying that forward at some point.

when dazai first finds out that his favorite subordinate is terribly sick or badly injured and is gonna be out for a while, his mind immediately jumps to how... nice it might be to take care of them. well, actually the first thing is mind jumps to is a million worse case scenarios where they die and hes alone for the rest of his life but once he recovers from THAT panic attack he moves on to nursing plans. hed probably think it's a foolproof plan for having darling finally start warming up to him (especially if chuuya has recently gained some ground in that area), i mean, he likes YOU cuz you take care of him, it only makes sense that youd start liking him for the same reason! also he just... REALLY enjoys the thought of being your nurse. 1) since you're sick/in pain if he decides he wants to ask you a million questions or make you play games with him or kiss you a thousand times you can't run away 2) isn't it kind of. domestic? to take care of someone like that? he can almost pretend the two of you are actually together when he does this.

I should note that dazai isn't like. a medical expert or anything of that sort BUT since he has (mostly) good intentions in this escapade hed be willing to listen to advice from others or direct requests from you. except asking him to leave or get off you he won't ever do that but most other things. also he's still. dazai while this is going on so expect a lot of needless mockery about how weak and useless you are, but then in the same timeframe thinking about what might happen if you die and clinging onto you in complete hysterics. frankly hes just making everything worse all the time but thats dazai!

- 🩹

i couldnt take myself seriously while writing this T^T

when you don't show up for your usual shift with dazai, he's already on edge. he immediately thinks that you must be avoiding him—or that chuuya must have charmed you away with the promise of a day with no dazai. was it because of the time he hung you upside down? that was eons ago and hadn't he already made up for it with the numerous fun (dangerous) and exciting (life-threatening) adventures (escaping from yet another person dazai angered) he's taken you on?

but then he sees chuuya walking around on his own, and you don't show up again the next day, and now he's sure that something was very wrong. which is why, his first response was to show up at your door. maybe, if you were able to answer the door, you'd be terrified at the sight of dazai with his face pressed up to the window desperate for any sight of you, but as you were now, you were far too exhausted to even receive him, so naturally, after numerous attempts at slamming the doorbell, he let himself in.

the sight of you, so tired and incoherent, surrounded by tissues and water bottles, initially made him let out a huge sigh in relief. you weren't avoiding him! you were just bedridden—wait, was that because he insisted you help him find his wallet in the river the night before? was it his fault you were ill?

after the initial guilt, dazai jumps into action. you, as tired as you were, couldn't provide any more protest apart from a few grumbling words at the sight of dazai rummaging in your home, but he was unbothered, dedicated to his new temporary position as your personal nurse.

dazai wasn't too unfamiliar with runny noses and sore throats. for the most part, he was sure you weren't dying and he was somewhat confident in his ability to nurse you back to health. and surprisingly, you didn't seem too mad at his presence, begrudgingly allowing him to spoonfeed you soup that was far too salty.

honestly, this experience made him a little nostalgic, thinking back to oda taking care of him after their first encounter. but also, you were surprisingly quiet when you were sick, not the same silent anger you normally radiated, but just quiet. he didn't mind it all that much, though, since the first night he stayed over, you were so deliriously ill that he definitely took advantage of your state and asked you all sorts of questions that you'd normally ignore. half your answers didn't really make sense, but they served to be pretty entertaining deciphering games when you were fast asleep and he was bored.

the real fun only started when you started getting better. for one, you looked horrified at the sight of him prancing around in your apron and messing with your kitchen, but because you were able to answer him coherently, it was all the more entertaining. while waiting for your water to boil, dazai would offer to read your journal out loud, sing you a lullaby in the middle of the day, and even dare to ask if a kiss would make you feel better. and then he'd provide commentary on every object in your home.

the ease with which he navigated your home and the familiarity with which he handled your things did send some alarms blaring in your head, but what could you do in your current state?

any attempts at protesting his presence are fruitless. even if you claimed he might get sick from hanging around you, dazai would only laugh.

"i'm not as weak as you," he'd say, "i won't get sick. and if i wasn't here you'd probably be dead by now. besides, if i get sick, guess who'd going to have to come to take care of me?"

somewhere during his response, dazai managed to stick himself closer to you, a hand wiping at your clammy forehead. if at all you seemed to not get better, dazai immediately jumps to threatening you, saying that if you didn't get better, if you died on him, he'd never forgive you, promising to make sure that your ghost will be stuck with him. and that's about the best incentive to get better.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Drabble request /nf (also I love your work so much)

Ambrosius is gathering files for something important, when he sees one form and has a full blown panic attack, partially because he’s exhausted, and ballister helps him :) (movie)

Hi hi! Sorry this took a actually forever, but since I have finally finished my long-form Goldenheart fic (!!!!) I can finally start addressing the drabble requests that have been rotting in my drafts!! I'm excited to show the movie boys some attention, I missed them. Please enjoy, hope it was worth the wait!

--

Ambrosius’s breath caught in his throat. He'd been awake for days trying to sort through Institute garbage, and this new document he'd found just dragged him back into all that horror.

It was from the Director's previously classified personal files, and it was old, from back when he and Bal were children. He knew the Director was evil, he could accept that now, however much it hurt, but this was too much.

It was a detailed plan, spanning several years. Cursive notes were scribbled across it. Outlined in the plan were weaknesses and opportunities she'd observed to kill Ballister.

Ambrosius’s throat was dry. Ballister was only thirteen when this was drafted. Notes that read things like “Poor swimming ability– pool accident?” And “Visits Danks on occasion, staged kidnapping possible” as well as other horrific things bored into his soul. It looked like she'd abandoned the plans only because she expected Ballister to fail out before being knighted, and thus didn't want to spare the trouble.

He shoved the paper back into the folder. He couldn't let Bal see it, he'd already been through so fucking much. Ambrosius couldn't breathe. He ran through every time he'd ever spoken to Bal about the Director.

“Teacher's Pet,” to which Ballister had responded with hopeful eyes, “You think I'm her favorite?”

“No one hates a hero of the realm.”

“They're going to love you, like I do.”

“I'm sure she's only giving you a more challenging exam because she knows how much more skilled than the rest of us you are!”

“Nobody besides Todd and those other jerk have any doubt about you deserving to be here.”

“She loves you, you’re her best student, I'm sure you just imagined it.”

All the while, she was planning to kill him, a child. Ambrosius sobbed. This was all his fault. If he hadn't been such a privileged asshole, if he hadn't been so unwilling to acknowledge how the adults he trusted since infancy could be cruel, if he'd just listened to the love of his life, he wouldn't have had to endure such horrific trauma, things may have been solved sooner, he wouldn't have–

His arm would still be attached to his body. Ambrosius dismissed all his problems and fears and then joined up with the people punishing him. He'd cut off his arm! He'd cut off his arm and Ballister almost died!

Ambrosius felt like he couldn't breathe. Everything inside him hurt, and his breath quickened. Keep it together, don't let him find you like this, this isn't his problem, but shockingly that didn't work.

He was a horrible person, a horrible partner, a horrible knight, he deserved to fucking die.

“Rose?” That soft voice came from the doorway. “Rose!” Ballister hurried to his side and cupped his cheek. Ambrosius hid his face into his hand. He couldn't talk, he couldn't breathe, he was terrified and angry and miserable all at once, it was just too much.

Ballister rubbed his back and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. “I'm here, Rose. I love you.”

Ambrosius sobbed and wiped his face. Despite himself, he wrapped Ballister tightly in his arms and flopped his face against his chest, shaking. “I-I’m so sorry–” he choked. Ballister squeezed him. “Rose, shh, don't you worry about anything right now. Take a deep breath for me. Come on, in.” He stroked his back.

Ambrosius took a shaky breath in, it felt awful.

“Good, out.”

Ambrosius tried to follow his love’s instructions. Why was he being so nice!? Ambrosius thought about little Ballister, thrashing for help, drowning in a pool after the Director closed the cover on him, and it felt like he was the one drowning. He imagined little Ballister getting thrown into a bag somewhere in the Danks and being done away with, or pushed off the wall during a training inspection, or any of the other horrible things he'd read. He'd trusted the Director. How could he ever trust anyone again?

“Ambrosius, look at me.” Ballister's voice was gentle but stern. He held Ambrosius's face to make eye contact. “I know it's hard to breathe, I know you're scared and you feel bad, but you've been overworking yourself going through these old records. This isn't your job! You need to sleep.”

Ambrosius shook his head. “No– No you can't– you can't look at these–”

“We'll find someone else to do it, then. This burden shouldn't have fallen to you.” Ballister helped him up and hugged him, and Ambrosius hugged back, still shaking with panic and grief. Having Ballister in his arms, though, it made him feel a bit better. His body was thick, muscular, warm and alive. As long as Ballister was okay, things would be okay.

“I'm going to bring you some water, and then I'll lie with you. Okay?”

Ambrosius swallowed. “Okay.”

Everything still sucked, he was still an awful person, but if Ballister loved him and wanted to cuddle, Ambrosius could never turn away his strong arms.

[hebimoonlightwrites]

hiya! i really love your writing and i was wondering if you could do something about ramuda w/ a s/o that lacks self worth/is struggling with mental health issues? they would be a lot like him as well, except they put on a lot of different sides for diff people/groups of people, and their true self is still unknown to them cause of the self manipulation, but theyre a rather soft hearted, kind, and insecure person in general. theyve had a long a rocky past, from being verbally/physically abused by parents, to being excluded at school. theyre also quite good at bottling up their emotions as well, so maybe the scene would start in the middle of a silent panic attack? (although he can tell cause mutual trust and dating for a while) if you arent comfy w/ this, i completely understand (its just a silly rq to help me cope im sorry dndbdjdnd), so please dont pressure yourself! ty for your time and have an amazing day/night! ^^

Writer's corner: Hi, sweetheart! Of course I can do it, but before you start reading, I'd like to talk to you for a few seconds here in my small corner.. I don't know if all the characteristics you've given me have something to do with you, but if they do, I simply want to tell you that you're very strong, that you're an amazing person and that you deserve to be happy, loved and appreciated. I don't know you in person- I don't know your blog either, since you texted me in anon (and that's totally fine as long as you're comfortable and fine♥)- but I simply want to know that I'm proud of you.. you're doing great, sweetheart♥ I don't know if you're currently happy, but if not, I really hope my writing will help you feel better, will cheer you up♥ *hugs hugs* Feel free to text me each time you want to♥ Now I'll let you read.. let me know if there's something you want me to fix or change. Enjoy~♥

!!!I decided to write it, adding some lyrics from Middle of the Night by Elley Duhé.. it's a song I really love and I think it quite matches good with this song..!!!

mc's pronouns: GN! THEY/THEM

Words: 1150

Warnings: sfw but mental health issues, panic attacks, abuses are mentioned.. (please, read respectfully.. unluckily tons of people are struggling with this kind of issues.. If you have a friend who does, help them and make them feel that they are worth it, they're amazing and you're proud of them♥.. thank you)

⭐𝐈𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭⭐

In the middle of the night...

Y/n was moving in their dream.. They were lying on that yellow sofa, in the dark of Ramuda's shop. In that night's darkness only their breath was heard. It was echoing in the room, breaking the silence. What were they dreaming about? What were their mind focusing while their eyes were closed and their body was exhausted? Were they thinking about that... again? Were they thinking about their life, their past, their emotions..?

In the middle of the night..

Y/n's eyes were closing more, while their face was starting making scared and painful expressions, just like if someone was torturing them by stabbing their heart. Some sweat was starting appearing, getting their forehead wet, while some soft warm breaths was leaving their mouth, but maybe even their chest. They could feel their heart beating faster, a great and terrifying fear getting them slowly, wrapping around their body just like a blanket could do in cold nights. They felt some goosebumps and shivers along their spine.. It wasn't winter, but almost summer. Were they feeling cold? No.. but then why were they feeling like this? What was happening? 

These burning flames...

In that dream Y/n found themselves walking in their school's hallway. There were all those students- even their classmates- looking at them with a judging expression, while chuckling, probably making fun of them. It was evident they had bad thoughts about y/n.. but.. they had never done anything wrong.. Yet all those students had always kept ignoring them, treating them like a sort of outcast, excluding them from the friends groups or even from clubs. 

...these crashing waves wash over me like a hurricane

After their classmates, y/n saw their parents into their dream. It wasn't a dream anymore though.. probably it had never been from the very beginning! Their parents.. their disappointed look, their voices judging and saying horrible things, addressing y/n with terrible names and even physically abusing them... It was all painful, yes.. but feeling so distant from people who should be there for you- just like parents- was hurting y/n more... They felt lonely. And they hated it. Those slaps had never hurt as much as that loneliness had... But, even with some blood over their mouth, and some bruises... y/n had smiled. They had forced a smile. They had been so great at bottling up their emotions.. they had been so good at hiding their true self, displaying what actually was a sort of mask, different for each person they had in front. It was like this: y/n used masks- one for their parents, another one for their customers, another one for their "friends"..-. No one had ever seen their true self. Nobody had ever seen through those masks.. Nobody had ever had enough courage to take off their mask, to look at y/n's actual face, to smile looking at their eyes and to say: "It's okay.. I appreciate you for the way you are.. You're perfect like this.. you don't need masks..", well.. Nobody except for Ramuda.

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the night

Soon in the dream they saw the same hallway, full of those people who had never helped them.. who had always ignored or judged them.. who had abused them. All those students, their classmates, their fake friends, their parents... All those people's eyes were piercing, while staring at y/n just like if a freak was passing by, right there in front of their glance. The only person who had a different look in their eyes.. the only one who was standing there, at the end of the hallway, opening his arms just like if he was waiting for an hug.. it was Ramuda. He looked scared and worried.

Just call my name, I'm yours to tame

"Y/n!! Please, wake up!! What's wrong?! Y/n!!"

Y/n opened their eyes suddenly, sitting up immediately, putting an hand on their chest, feeling their heart racing like never before. All those memories, all those terrible memories.. It had been a terrible nightmare to see them again! Y/n's eyes were empty and scared while they were trying their best to calm down. Some tears were starting leaving their eyes, running down their cheeks as y/n realized that.. it had been a nightmare.. they had gotten through all of that mess, but.. they had won. They had overcome it! Ramuda's hand soon reached their face, caressing it softly with his thumb. As y/n turned their head towards him, they saw his eyes.. his blue eyes with shades of pink.. there was a light in those eyes. A light of genuine fear, of genuine worry and care. Ramuda sobbed softly: "Y/n... A-Are you o-okay..?.. I.. I called you.. I called you three t-times.. b-but.. You weren't waking up.. I.. I was scared of losing you!"

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the night

Y/n couldn't help, but hugged Ramuda immediately after they realized that.. yes, he was there.. he was there with them and for them. They both had fallen asleep together, hugging each other, and now the pink-haired man was there as scared as them. Y/n hugged him.. they hugged him as tightly as they could, caressing his sweet pink strawberry-scented hair, feeling how fluffy it felt under their fingers, closing their eyes just to get lost in his warmth. Even if small, Ramuda was like this. This was the real Ramuda.. and this was the real Y/n. They both had never been able to show their true selfs to others.. they had always used masks, trying to create fake personalities just to be liked or simply not to be judge. But they had decided to be genuine, to be real with each other, to show those they thought were their flaws to each other. And so they had ended up in a relationship, dating for a while. Ramuda- just like y/n- had no doubt: y/n was the one he wanted to protect, to hug, to make feel happy all the time. After a long hug, the pink-haired fashion designer broke it just to look at y/n's eyes. He smiled warmly- the warmest and cutest smile he had ever done so far: "It's okay, y/n.. I know what you are feeling.. I know what you've been through... You're like me.. You're perfect for me.. I.. I promise I will keep you safe.. I'll make you happy.. I'll make you feel the most genuine happiness, y/n!!.. I love you..", Ramuda spoke, whispering in the dark of the night. His voice was sounding so low.. so serious like never before. His hands soon reached y/n's face, his fingers caressing their cheeks, when softly he got closer and pressed his lips on theirs. He wanted to make them feel loved and appreciated.

I'm wide awake, I crave your taste in the middle of the night

©hebimoonlightwrites_tumblr Please, do not copy my contents nor repost it without my permission.

[augment-techs]

awkward thoughts about Skull as a parent at 3am

is absolutely both the mother and the father biologically, because I cannot STAND the idea of him and Kim or Trini or some rando hooking up once and then this happened

either there is alien tech or sorcery involved; I'm not choosy

the realization that he's pregnant would lead to an instant panic attack; possibly the worst one in his life if he has the time in the scenario

this is largely due my headspace largely relegating Bulk to being somewhere else for a time

also Skull is a teen parent because that would JUST be his kind of luck; 16 minimum, 19 maximum

he would be hesitant and terrified to ask for help, because the only people he could go to are the scientists at Promethea or the Power Rangers, and heaven forbid it be easy for him

stops taking any medication he's on, which makes things worse on an epic scale if he's still in high school--he already lacks the preferred range of concentration ability due to adhd/autistism/migraines/depression/anxiety so with the added stress of carrying a baby he's hiding and his already poor grades diminishing horrifically, the teachers (Miss Appleby) would either be very worried, or very hard on him

gets morning sickness seventeen times a day and THIS is what gets a worried friend's attention (Bulk, or Billy, or Kim) when he looks like he's going to die from how dehydrated he is

almost DOES die from the dehydration and blood that starts coming up in the vomit

someone finally gets the truth out of him and takes him to a professional at about five months along

EVERYONE freaks out because his body is NOT designed for this AND he is barely showing at all when he should be a blimp by this time

for some reason my brain says he carries to the eighth month, but goes into early "labor" because of the stuff that happened to get him this far breaking down and ruining his internal systems

he does not get a C-Section and does not deliver out the back end because I want this to be absolutely horrible for him

I also want him to win the "whose labor sucked more" game when his friends--post Rangering--have their own kids and they're trying to freak out the new blood; despite Skull never bringing it up

Spike isn't as small as he could be, but for all that he utterly DESTROYED Skull's internal and external organs, he's also not very big either

but he did have all of his head hair straight out of the gate, which Skull likes to bring up when reminiscing or to embarrass him

yes, Spike is his REAL first name because, and Billy likes to quote this a lot, "I might as well start trying to ward off evil spirits now, since we all know my luck with monsters is gonna rub off on the little guy," was Skull's explanation; without much heat because he was fucking exhausted and delirious when he came up with it

thinks his stretchmarks are his best feature, despite the fact that carrying around a baby also gave him the ass he was lacking for most of his life and--for only about as long as was necessary--boobs for breastfeeding which turned into much more solid objects as he got older

ends up with a million pictures of him via his friends of tiny baby Spike, but also of the both of them constantly falling asleep together

he pays his friends back by getting pictures of them with the baby in all sorts--but mostly napping--too

[dream-eating-youkai]

I really like moths and I have cats, so whenever there's a moth in my house, one of two things happens:

My cats don't notice the moth and I just sort of stare at them for a weirdly long time. I think they're really really pretty and I just like looking at them. Tbh this is what i do for all bugs but with moths it's even more so. Unfortunately, this usually scares the moth and they usually either hold very still and hope I won't notice or fly away.

My cats notice the moth. Something in their brain tells them they must kill the moth, something that seems to only tell them to kill moths. They let every other bug, every other animal, go. But moths? Kill on sight. I try (usually successfully) to protect the moth. Usually I just spray my cats when they get close and eventually the moth hides and they forget, but a lot of times I have to physically move my cats away from the moth.

And I think that must be weird for the moth, right? Like just imagine being them for a second.

You're minding your own business when Something Notices you. It always Notices you. And it's Big. Bigger than anything you've ever seen in your short life. It could kill you in an instant and you both know that. You hold still, desperately hoping that It won't See you, but you know that It already has. You've lost countless friends and family members to Things like this, maybe even This One in particular- they all look more-or-less the same. It's staring straight at you.

It's making noises now. Soft and low, like It doesn't want you to panic. Like It wants to lull you into a false sense of security so you won't fly away when It eats you. It's getting closer now. And It Won't. Stop. Staring. You have never been more aware how tiny you are. Finally you panic and fly away, as far as your wings can take you. But you know this distance means nothing to It. You know that It must be toying with you, that if It gets serious you don't stand a chance.

Then, mere hours later, another, much smaller beast notices you. This beast doesn't have even half the restraint of the other. It attacks, clawing and jumping at you, doing all it can to kill you. Even though it's smaller, it could still swallow you whole. It could still end your life without a second thought. You try to hide, to stay out of reach but this beast is agile and it won't give up.

But then It appears. The wretched creature from before. And It's upset. It's making louder noises now, directed not at you, but at the lesser beast. It's getting between the two of you now, blocking the smaller beast from you. It picks up the small beast, with so much ease it's Terrifying. It stays near you, using some sort of device to spray water on the small beast whenever it gets near. The small beast seems to hate water.

Eventually, you find a hiding spot, somewhere where neither of them should find you. You know, in the back of your mind that It probably knows where you are, but you're exhausted. The sun is up now, and the night has been long.

How does the moth feel after this? Are they still afraid of me? of my cats? of both? Do they know that I protected them? Do they know why? Do they care?

I hope that they can rest a bit easier, knowing that I'll protect them. Knowing that I could never hurt them and that I will do everything I can to make sure nothing else does. I hope that the next time we meet, even if they still react the same way, they know they're safe. I hope that maybe, just maybe, our next encounter is a even little less stressful, that they know they can rest while I'm around.

[sadsexybaby]

trigger warning for depression, self harm and suicide subjects!!! I need a safe place to rant, no one has to read this if you don't feel like it

well I've been struggling with major depression my whole life basically. I've been diagnosed since I was 15 and have been medicated since. I have a hard time settling for a therapist, I can never stay more than 2 sessions with one and it's a struggle. Plus, 1 hour a week is not enough for me to let everything out and then go home with my head full of the worst thoughts I have and not being able to talk them out anymore. It's a struggle. I like comfort zones, I need them to keep me from overthinking so much but it's been years since I was settled in any type of comfort zone. I had uncertainties about my future when I was in school, during my first University (which i dropped out from after a year) and during my second one, especially after graduating. I know the direction my life is going right now, I know where it leads, but I can't help but feeling like I'm constantly on a tight rope, constantly waiting for something to go wrong, to push me down. I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of life. I have so many emotions, feelings and needs that I've always had to repress because I know I am too much, I've always been. But it gets exhausting. Sometimes I feel like i'm not made for this world. I can't be too sensitive without pushing people away and hurting myself in the process, physically and emotionally. And this has been my whole life. I do not fit in, I'm too overwhelmed by the world and it's lack of compassion and I'm tired. I've been surviving. I don't know how. I must have a pretty damn good guardian angel or spiritual mentor of some sort. I wish I knew what being sane and healthy felt like for once.

Being born mentally ill with a powerful depressive genetic charge is a fucking challenge. I honestly don't know how I didn't take my own life as a child, because I contemplated it many times. I wrote a suicide letter at 9. Apologizing to my parents for being so weak. For not being able to handle this cruel world. But I had too much empathy, and as much as I'm in constant disbelief that I deserve to be loved, it would be unfair to disregard my parents' love for me. As cold as my dad was. They are the reason I'm here today and I worry that I won't survive in this world anymore once they're gone. I haven't been able to find emotional support in anyone like I have with them, and it scares me. I'm not good on my own. I can't be alone, I have tried. I can't survive. I feel guilty every single day for leaving them behind, even though I did it for my own happiness. I love what I have now, I'm finally being able to be independent and have a relationship with a person I love, but I am terrified for my life. And I miss my mom and dad. I have lost so much for being so mentally unstable and as much as it hurts I don't wanna lose this. I can't. Even thought I don't have a nest to comfort my heart on where I am, I have so much of what I always dreamed to have. All I ever wanted was to be loved as much as I love. To want a future, a home, a family of my own. And I'm building that right now. But my sick mind keeps getting in the way and I am frightened that it may cost me my dream. I've never felt so accepted by a group of people like I am being right now. Ever. It took me leaving the country for this to happen. It's nice not to be bullied and excluded for once.

I have been handling my anxiety better than I ever have before. I haven't had many panic attacks or anxiety crisis'. 100% of them were caused by my fears of losing the love I have now. I guess big choices and big changes are like that: you win big and you lose big. But only one loss would actually completely devastate me in irreparable ways, if you know what I mean. I'm still learning how to exist in many social situations, romantic relationship included. I have been overprotected my whole life by my mother, knowing how sensitive I am, and consequently I ended up being overprotective of myself, scared of everything, unaware of myself. Shyness is a fucking curse. That's why from intense embarrassment, I became my biggest punisher. Mentally and physically. I resorted to self harming as a way to, not only attempt to transfer my emotional pain to a more tolerable sole, but to give me the punishment I deserved for being so damn impulsive and ruining everything. It's the way it worked. But I'm a terrible liar, and soon the people around me found out. No one quite knew what to do and honestly, neither did I. I broke the promise that I wouldn't do it again so many times, for years. Not giving in to the intrusive thoughts of jumping on the train railroad, jumping off the window, jumping from a moving car at fast speed, throwing myself down the stairs, throwing myself at the river from the bridge, etc, was and still is one of my biggest struggles. I only wish I was brave enough to hurt myself that way. That would turn what my mind feels into something physical and maybe for once I would suffer from actual pain, and not just my sick mind beating me up every single fucking day.

However, as hard as it is, i've been succeeding. I didn't think I would make it this far without at least slitting my skin, but I have. I contemplated it uncountable times, but I didn't go through with it. I don't really know where the small amount of strength I have comes from, but I have a strong guess that it's from love. That's why I can't allow myself to not be this sensitive. If i don't allow myself to be loved and to love, it's the end, for real. I know it's been a recurring cliche for ages that the power of love will save you and blablabla, but it's been there for a reason. It's the fucking truth at the end of the day. Without love, we're doomed, and I mean it. Doomed. I wouldn't have lived as much as I did so far if I hadn't been loved. Even if it was just my parents. It was strong enough to keep me there. When I couldn't stay here for myself, I stayed for them. When I contemplate leaving this world, I think of my partner and how unfair it would be to leave them so soon. I think of my long distance friends who look forward to seeing me again. When I don't love myself enough to be alive, I let the love I allow myself to receive to keep me here. If I don't have love in my life, I don't want a life at all.

[dendrograna]

Respite Hereafter Pt. III

I've finally decided on a name for this series !! I'll update the other parts with the new title now hehe

Btw I plan on making this a pretty damn long series, focusing on each nation at a time. You arrived in Mondstadt, so the first chunk of the series takes place in Mondstadt. I'm gonna try to give each character at least a mention before going to the next nation so you don't end up travelling all over the place. Liyue and Inazuma will get some love soon tho <3

Pt. I

Pt. II

Pt. III

tw // panic attacks, past violence, trauma, paranoia, fire/burns, eye damage

Your acolytes were not the only ones who were horribly traumatized. You yourself had endured months of torture, living in abandoned camps, starving and freezing during the nights, being hunted down like an animal by the very ones you held dear. The disgusted, hate-filled looks they hurled at you seared into your memory, as well as into your dreams.

You regularly woke up from horrible nightmares screaming, and while your maids tried to help you, you very rarely let them get very close to you when you got like this. Paranoia often took hold of you during the nights, terrified they would try to hurt you again, that this had all been some sort of trick and they were just waiting to pull the rug out from under you. When morning came you always realized how silly it was, that your maids were so traumatized themselves they could never even think of hurting you, yet it never stopped you from doing the exact same thing the following night. The darkness brought out your most horrifying, albeit irrational, thoughts and fears.

Your maids were concerned for you, though. Your acolytes began to notice the dark circles under your eyes and the drowsy way you stumbled into things sometimes, but you always brushed them off. You were okay, and even if you weren't, telling them as much would only worry them.

Your maids did something that pleasantly surprised you after a few weeks of sleep deprivation, though. Three of them came to you while you ate your breakfast one morning, bowed in greeting, and timidly asked if they might suggest something to help you sleep.

"Perhaps having someone else you trust in the palace might help you sleep better," they said. "You've grown pretty close to a few of the Knights, Your Divinity. Would you like us to request that one of them spend a few nights here to help calm your anxiety?"

You yawned, considering the idea for a moment. "Like a slumber party," you said with a giggle. "I'd hate to put this on anyone else..."

"You need your rest, Your Grace!" one of them said suddenly before covering their mouth. "Ah... I apologize for my sudden outburst, please forgive me..."

You chuckled tiredly, smiling at them. That was a good sign, they'd started feeling more comfortable with you. "No, you're right. I think this is starting to affect my cognition. Plus, I don't think I have anything urgent that needs to be done today... You know what, slumber party it is. What abouttt... Kaeya, Albedo, and Amber?"

"Would you three please ask them for me? I don't think I'll be able to get all the way there and back with how exhausted I am," you said. They all bowed with a little "yes, Your Holiness," before they left you to finish your breakfast.

---

You spent the morning getting through a little bit of the day's work: signing your approval for new trade routes, working on some paperwork, and drafting the plans for a new festival you'd proposed to be sent to Jean. You still had a lot to do, but you decided it could wait until you were in a better state of mind.

Your guests arrived a little after six, meeting you in the foyer as all your guests did. They also kneeled and bowed in greeting as a lot of your guests did, too. You chuckled as you approached them, pulling them all up to their feet. "You guys don't have to do that anymore, remember?" you teased them, smiling. While it was true you'd gotten to know them each pretty well, this was the first time you were seeing them outside of their work with the Knights.

Albedo cleared his throat, handing you a rather large portfolio bag he had over his shoulder. "I believe it is customary for guests of the Divine One to bring them an offering, yes Your grace?" he said.

When you opened his portfolio bag, you found a delicately painted portrait of you inside, glancing over your shoulder with your hair ruffled in the wind and a bright smile on your face. The landscape of Mondstadt in the distance behind you was silhouetted against a brilliant rising sun. You covered your mouth as you admired the beautiful picture, gasping. "I've been working on it for quite some time, so I made sure to have it completed for you, Your Holiness."

Kaeya and Amber both nodded, offering you the gifts they'd brought. Kaeya, of course, brought some expensive dandelion wine, and Amber had a replica Baron Bunny for you.

"Don't worry, this one won't explode," she said with a big smile. "I thought maybe he could help you sleep a little better, Your Grace."

You couldn't help the smile that crept onto your face, or the tears stinging your eyes. You carefully sat their gifts down on a nearby table, pulling them all into a big hug. "Thank you guys, these are all so nice! I'll find somewhere to hang the painting and get a corkscrew for the wine. Why don't you meet me in the dining room? Our dinner should be done soon."

One of your maids assisted you in placing Albedo's painting in a frame and hanging it on the wall and another took Amber's plushie to your bedroom for you. When you met your guests in the dining room and took your seat at the end of the table, they greeted you with a small bow.

A maid brought out your food on a tray, placing each plate in front of you and your guests with one in the middle to split. "Northern smoked chicken with Liyue-style golden shrimp balls, Your Grace. Allow me to pour your wine for you," they said.

The rest of your night with your guests went by fairly smoothly. After you finished eating, you requested that they play a few card games with you and you taught them how to play a few they'd never heard of. You improvised a few games of Uno where the kings were draw fours, the queens were draw twos, the jacks were reverses, and the jokers were skips, and they picked it up surprisingly quick. Amber in particular really liked it.

After that you gave them a tour of your palace, starting with the ground floor and working your way up. The ground floor was all your guests usually ever saw: the dining room, kitchen, living room, bathrooms, an indoor pool, and a library. On the second floor was your personal space, such as your master bedroom, bath, walk-in closet, office, balcony, and a few guest bedrooms. The third floor was for the maids with lots of bedrooms and an extra room for laundry and cleaning supplies. Finally, on the fourth floor was your throne room. Should anyone have requested to meet with your impostor, this was where they would meet them. You, however, rarely used it anymore.

They were in awe of just how huge the place was. Your impostor had been incredibly demanding, insisting on the most luxurious palace Teyvat could offer them. You decided to sit with them on the balcony on the second floor for a while to watch the sun set over Liyue's mountains in the distance, thanking them each for coming.

"It's an honor, Your Divinity," Amber said with a smile. "I just hope our company can help you get some rest tonight." Albedo and Kaeya voiced their agreement.

You yawned, leaning against the railing for a second. "This world is beautiful," you said, closing your eyes to relish in the calmness of the moment. "So many beautiful places and beautiful people."

Your words seemed to comfort the three a little bit. Your impostor would never have said something like that. They'd described Teyvat as a world full of disgusting animals, waiting to be put out of its misery. They regularly contemplated genocide, whether the people of Teyvat were deserving enough to walk the same planet they did. The impostor received so many offerings in large part because the people of Teyvat were terrified of what they might do if the gifts and worship ever stopped.

“It’s getting pretty late, Your Mercy,” Kaeya said, "would you like to head to bed soon?"

You stretched your arms above your head and yawned before nodding. "Yeah, I think so. You guys can take any of the extra bedrooms on this floor. I'm gonna turn in for the night."

After you said your goodnights to your guests, you headed to your luxurious bedroom. Pushed against one wall was your bed, translucent silk curtains framing the sides with an intricate gold-plated headboard. Floor-to-ceiling windows framed by thick gold curtains lined the side wall, and doors to your bathroom and walk-in closet laid opposite the windows. In the bathroom, a huge circular tub sat against some tall bay windows and some folding screens sat beside it. You made your way into your closet and picked out your pajamas made of silk, got changed, and finally crashed in your bed.

---

Fire. All you could see around you was fire.

Your feet ached and your lungs burned, partly from smoke inhalation and partly from screaming. Your once-beautiful luxurious palace was burning around you from every angle, the windows and doors boarded up. You were on the fourth floor, desperate to escape the fire now creeping up the stairs, staring out the large windows.

The ones you'd trusted the most stood around it, cheering as it burned with you still inside it. And there your impostor stood, a smug, satisfied look on their face. You couldn't recognize very much of what they were saying, but the words "blasphemy," "fake," and "sacrilege" reached your ears intact.

Your breathing quickened and your fists pounded against the stained glass windows, the sound of your own screams drowned out by the crackling fire that was coming closer and closer to you. Your stomach turned and it seemed like every fiber in your body was aching. It was all a trick. A cruel trick designed to make you suffer the most.

The last thing you saw was your impostor's sadistic, twisted grin before the smoke on the windows made it impossible to see out.

You screamed for help- for someone, anyone, to save you. Tears streamed down your face and you squeezed your eyes shut, flames licking your ankles as you pressed yourself closer into the corner. Your lungs burned, as did your legs, and each breath in felt like the fire itself had invaded your body. You screamed with all the air left in your lungs, praying that someone who cared might hear you. You heard the floor creak loudly, a quickly repeated knocking sound, and you knew this was it. If the flames and the smoke didn't kill you, the fall you were about to take would.

You were awoken by your own screaming, as well as the sound of a frantic knock at the door. You huddled into yourself on your bed, pressing your legs to your chest and sobbing. You were frustrated, upset, scared. Why did this have to keep happening to you?! The horrible things your own mind conjured up were far, far worse than anything you'd ever experienced.

Your head snapped up when the door swung open, your vision blurred by tears. "Your Holiness, are you alright?" a soothing voice said. You frantically shook your head, trying to back away from them. "No! No, no get away from me," you sobbed. The person obeyed, taking a small step backward. "I'm here to help you, Your Mercy, remember? What can I do for you?" they asked, their honey-like voice easing your paranoia just a bit. As the tears rolled down your face, your vision cleared slightly and you were able to process who you were talking to. Kaeya.

You took a deep, shaky breath, closing your eyes for a moment. It felt like your heart was being crushed, and you were gasping for air. You'd experienced this before, but never to this degree. "W-Water," you choked out. You didn't think you could manage by yourself though, so you quickly added, "the maids, have them get water. Stay, please."

He obeyed, peeking out the room and relaying the request to one of the maids running up the hall. He dragged a chair up next to your bed, sitting beside you. "What else can I do, Your Holiness? Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked, and you nodded. He grabbed your hands, his cool touch soothing you a little bit.

One of the maids came running with a glass of water, helping you take a drink. Kaeya assisted you in a few breathing exercises and techniques he'd learned over the years. When your breathing had finally evened out and the death grip on your heart finally released, you took a deep breath and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank you, Kaeya..." you said quietly. You glanced up and noticed everyone else was there too. "You all can go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up like this," you said with a shy smile. They all offered you their own version of "it's okay, goodnight," before turning to the door and leaving. Kaeya stood up to leave too, but you grabbed his hand.

"Wait. What if... What if I have another one?" you said. His expression turned to one of pity and sadness, sitting back down in the seat. "Would you like me to sit with you for a while longer?" he offered.

"Sleep here," you said, pushing to the opposite side of the bed and pulling the blankets back. "If... You'd be comfortable with that, I mean."

His face flushed a darker shade. "Your Divinity... I could never," he gasped, averting his gaze. "To lay in the same bed with you would be... Sacrilegious, would it not?"

"Pleaseeee? Wouldn't it be even more sacrilegious to say no?" you said teasingly. "If you don't wanna sleep here I won't force you, but... I don't think it's sacrilegious at all."

Kaeya considered it for a moment before he sighed, pulling the blankets up and laying beside you. "If you insist, Your Holiness."

You grinned and hugged him tight, giggling. "Yay! Thank you, Kaeya," you said. He chuckled, and then it was silent in your room.

After a moment of silence, you spoke up. "Kaeya?" he hummed. "...Venti told me what happened. To your eye. I'm... so sorry. I just wanted to tell you that... I'm here for you if you ever wanna talk about it or need someone to listen," you said quietly.

Kaeya looked away. "Thank you, Your Grace," he said, barely above a whisper. You rested a hand against Kaeya's right cheek just below his eyepatch and he closed his eye, leaning into the affection. You leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss against his good eye.

A part of you wanted to be angry. A part of you wanted to rage and scream and be upset for what they did to him. Yet all being angry had managed to achieve so far was scaring your Venti. They were already dead, and being angry now would achieve nothing. You pulled him a bit closer to you, resting your chin on his shoulder. All you could do now was be there for him.

"Would you mind?" he asked, "If I wanted to talk about it, Your Holiness?" You nodded.

"...I was sent here to meet with them on behalf of the Knights. We'd been having problems with the Fatui and they sent me to urge Their Grace-" he cleared his throat, "I apologize. They sent me to urge the impostor to keep the Fatui out of Mondstadt's business."

"I looked up at them on your throne and we made eye contact. Immediately, they... they drew their sword and swung it at my face," he said quietly. "They said they were being merciful, that I deserved a far worse punishment for involving them in such trivial matters. The next time they saw me... they said I looked nice with an eyepatch."

Your stomach turned as he told you the story and you pulled him into a hug. "Oh Kaeya..." you said quietly. "I'm so sorry... I wish that... I could've stopped this sooner." It wasn't until now you noticed the deep scar running up his right cheek under his eyepatch. You traced the mark with a light touch. "You didn't deserve this at all, Kaeya. They were cruel and sadistic, and now you don't have to worry about them anymore. If I could take all of this away from you, I'd do it in a heartbeat," you said in his ear.

"You're far too kind, Your Divinity," he said, tears clinging to his eyelashes. "And far too forgiving. Have I not drawn my sword on you as well?" he whispered, remembering that he himself had tried to execute you under the impostor's orders. "Why are you... Allowing me this close to you?"

"Because I trust you," you said, running your fingers through his blue hair. "You'd been following that monster's orders your whole life, and you would've been killed yourself if you tried to protest. I'm just happy everything worked out the way it did, because that meant that nobody else got hurt. Please don't feel guilty, Kaeya, what happened to us is nobody's fault but that impostor's."

He smiled slightly, nuzzling closer to you. "Thank you, Your Grace," he said.

"Sweet dreams, Kaeya," you said, pressing one final kiss against his cheek. You had a feeling you weren't going to be having any more nightmares tonight.

"Goodnight, Your Grace."

---

@tanspostsblog @laurafaye13-blog @karmawonders @samsmidnightthonks @uchihaeirin

[loverofpiggies]

After having a bit of a breakdown, I'm struggling to pull myself out of it. Any tips? I dont want to lose my job but its affecting my performance because I have panic attacks at work and a part of me is so scared that I'm somehow faking it and am really just lazy or something

I recall, back when I worked at Hobby Lobby still, I had a panic attack so bad I thought it was a heart attack, and I was sure I was dying.Shortly after, I recall being in such a panicked state, that driving home from work one day, I was so overwhelmed with absolutely everything, I almost just. Drove as far north as I could, and mentally planned to live in hotels until I ran out of money in my savings account.

I was having some bad mental breakdowns during that time, wasn’t great to my friends and girlfriend, and closed myself off almost entirely. It was pure hell. So I have DEFINITELY been there.

First things first: You are definitely not lazy. Living with that kind of anxiety, it puts your brain and body into overdrive. Your brain is working so hard trying to curb all that, that I’m sure it’s exhausting. Hell, it did me.

I know this is advice that a lot of people are given. But first things first,

talking to a professional therapist literally saved my life.

(I’m bolding that, because I STRONGLY recommend a professional. I can only speak from personal experience, but I am no therapist!) You have to find a good one, and I highly suggest going every single week (It’s been 5 years, and I only miss when I have to) But here are a couple things I have personally learned.(A ton of text under the cut!)

1. Journal the feelings out.

Let yourself feel all those awful emotions- but ONLY in a safe environment. If you do not think you are ready to face it, that’s okay, it’s all baby steps. But when you try to shove down scary, or unfortunate things, they will always find a way out- and anxiety is a great outlet for pent up feelings.

The reason why I say to journal, is when you try to speak to yourself, or talk it out- your brain has a tendency to try and rationalize away your feelings. My therapist told me directly to JOURNAL, because speaking is another step that your brain can use against you- but writing down? Your thoughts can be dropped directly on to paper, with WAY less rationalizing your feelings away. I didn’t believe my therapist when I first started journaling, but boy howdy, it’s been a miracle.

2. It’s okay to not be okay.

This is one I still struggle with, but let me explain it in more detail. You worry you’re faking it, or you’re being lazy, but that definitely isn’t the case. It’s OKAY to not be alright. I used to be extremely hard on myself, too. I used to be like ‘Everything is going my way. Why can’t I be happy?’ ‘What is wrong with me?’ ‘I’ve made my dreams come true, why am I still so unhappy?’

I was being so hard on myself, I was intensifying it, and making it even worse. I started to curb those thoughts, by just being honest with myself. ‘I feel like crud today. It’s fine, I’m just going to let myself feel like crud.’ or ‘Okay okay, brain I get you, I’ll take a break’.

The funny thing is, the more you teach yourself it’s okay to not be okay, it helps give you more good days. The less hard you are on yourself about your anxiety, the less intense the anxiety gets. Accepting the bad parts of you and learning to love yourself with those parts, actually tends to lessen the bad things from happening. They still happen, but it’s WAY less painful, and usually lasts way less time, too.

3. Be brave.

Let me use a couple of examples for this one.

I used to be too terrified to leave my house. I was certain if I were to- say- take a walk down the street, I would be attacked, or murdered. Like, legit, daily fears. I don’t live in a dangerous area- but I treated it like a warzone.

Certain times- I’m not kidding you- I used to be too scared to leave my closet. I can’t go into detail about that, but. Yes, that was daily life for me for a while.

So? I was scared to take walks. So I made myself take walks. I started taking walks for five minutes every day. During those five minutes, I would absolutely be panicking. I’d be checking behind me. I’d think all sorts of terrifying thoughts. But. I made myself walk.

Then I bumped it up to ten minutes. Then twenty. And let me make it very clear- through out most of this, I was scared. Every step of the way. Terrified. But I knew, that if I did not face this fear, then it would cripple, and control me.

Because I forced myself to make those baby steps back in college, and become more and more open- it is the only way I could have possibly traveled to sell at conventions. Now? I fly around the country, and take public transport, and hell, today I’ve been hanging out at a ton of local parks just because it’s fun- and the only reason I got that far, was because I had a fear, and I faced it- no matter how much terror it gave me.

This is related to everything. In therapy, I HAD to face memories that I shoved away for years. It was hard. And it was scary, and I cried, and I felt all those things I had to feel-- but because I faced them, and with the help of my therapist, learned how to handle them- I’ve never felt so confident, or brave. Because I faced walking outside, or faced my deepest insecurities- it is the ONLY reason I am where I am.

Remember: I used to be terrified of leaving my home- and now I spend entire days exploring the outdoors. Why do you think I enjoy posting lots of instagram videos about my outdoor experiences? I know people who have never faced those fears like I have.... and trust me. It is not a life I’d wish on anyone. So no matter how scary it is- you do have the strength to do it, but you have to be gentle with yourself and take gentle steps.

And to face these fears in this way? Gives you a CRAPTON of confidence, let me tell you. I’ve never been more certain I can face whatever life throws at me- because I keep forcing myself to face the scary things anyway.

And 4- the thing that took me the longest to learn.

4. There is nothing wrong, with doing medication.

For years, I did everything I was supposed to. I went to therapy every single week. I journaled almost daily, I made myself start taking walks- I made myself start doing things I was too scared to do, and so I did EVERYTHING I could.

And I want to make it extremely clear, all those things I did changed my life significantly for the positive. But sometimes, on top of all the other junk, you still have a chemical imbalance going on. Remember, the human brain is huge and complicated and it takes a lot of things to function the way it’s supposed to. And sometimes, something in it is just kinda off.

From my extremely, EXTREMELY limited understanding of the brain (don’t @ me) my brain was either burning through serotonin too quickly, or not producing enough. Serotonin is related to a lot of things, like depression and anxiety.

Even though I did all the other things I was doing, and they were DEFINITELY, absolutely helping me- there was still an imbalance- and I began taking medication to help correct it.

And there is a reason I put this on number 4. The only reason the medication helps as much as it does, is because I have all the other skills I’ve gained. Medication is not a cure all. It helps with my anxiety yes, but only because I’ve gained the skills to recognize when I’m having increased anxiety. Because I know when I need to journal, or take time to myself, or spend a day outside, or to talk to my therapist- THAT is why my medication has helped so much. My medication was the final step, literally the final tool I needed, on top of everything else I use daily to keep myself mentally in check.

And a final thing to remember?

This takes time.

When you do all these things, the therapy, the journaling, all this self assessment, what you’re really learning to do, is to reprogram your brain. I was reprogramming my brain from having intense fear from going outside. I reprogrammed my brain in a billion more subtle ways, to benefit me. I only was able to do this, with a licensed professional, that I connected with and that I could tell cared about my wellbeing.

And five years ago, hell, even three years ago- I was a wreck. And all this work? This struggle? This deep dive into my brain? God, it’s so worth it. It’s really, REALLY damn worth it. I had to teach my brain that it didn’t need to protect me by putting up all these barriers, that I wanted to feel all the things it was trying to protect me from... and it’s changed everything. I’ve never felt so content.

And once again, that IS with diagnosed complex trauma, anxiety disorder and PTSD. You can live with those things and be happy, but you gotta fight for it. The fight is hard, but the results are absolutely worth it.

And even if you don’t think you can do it, I know you can. The brain likes to be really hard on itself, but that doesn’t mean everything it thinks is true. Because I’ve been there. I thought I couldn’t do it. I thought I’d be trapped feeling awful forever. But I fought- in small ways, then in big ways.

You just have to find the right direction to go. And, I hope this helps you pick a direction that will help you. 

[asking-jude]

I've been... really angry lately. Which makes sense, considering everything going on, but it's gotten to the point where I'm angry at everyone and everything, not just the things and people that deserve it. I see a post from someone with a different opinion about a fucking cartoon and I get pissed. I don't want to be angry all the time, but I feel like if I let myself stop being angry, I'll just be depressed, and I prefer anger. I just don't know what to do.

Hi Friend,

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been feeling extra angry lately. This year has certainly been full of many distressing things, and feeling overwhelmed by them is perfectly acceptable. A lot of people are feeling emotionally tapped-out, and this sounds like you as well. Some common signs of emotional exhaustion are: increased irritability, lack of patience, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, stomachaches, and more. Your threshold is reached, and you’re in desperate need of a break. 

Although the world has some serious stressors, you may be surprised to hear that the culprit to your increased irritability may not be the state of the world at all, but instead, the steady stream of social media use. Research shows that being on social media exposes us to more negative feedback than what we’d experience on an ordinary day. This high intensity causes us to have less margin to contain our anger. One psychologist likened it to driving. When we are driving, we are more keyed in to what we are doing to avoid injury. However, this intensity level can also make us snap at drivers who drive too slowly or cut us off. People can often be surprised at the level of abusive behavior a person is willing to succumb to while driving. Higher stress environments equal lower anger thresholds. When we chose lower stress environments, our minds are more capable of containing our anger, and our mental health will thank us for it. Social media, unfortunately, is not one of those low-stress environments.

Another psychological phenomenon you are likely falling prey to is the power of groupthink. People in crowds are more likely to exhibit angry, aggressive behaviors. This is why protests gain such momentum, and “Twitter mobs” can cause such terrifying results. When one emotionally tapped-out person tweets a disapproving post, that post gets retweeted and retweeted until pretty soon the original tweeter is some sort of pariah, receiving death threats or losing their jobs. Meanwhile, the angry mop of equally tapped out tweeters gets high off their assumed righteous justification. Anger, and then validation for your passion is addictive. People are less likely to exhibit moral behaviors when in a crowd.

The best thing you can do for your mental health and recharge your emotional batteries is to take a break from social media and create better boundaries for its use in the future. Boundaries can look like: Only posting content that isn’t social or political or turning it off if you feel yourself getting worked up.

The second thing I suggest is learning more productive ways to cope with your inner anxieties. Processing your emotions is healthy, but instead of turning to social media, talk to a parent, best friend, guidance counselor, or licensed therapist. Other coping strategies can be writing in a journal, getting regular exercise in the fresh air, going to bed before midnight and waking up early, avoiding stimulants such as excess caffeine, drugs or alcohol, eating a balanced diet, and participating in hobbies you enjoy. Good mental health requires a holistic approach.

There are certainly many things in this life that are distressing, but there is plenty of good stuff too. Take time each day to verbalize at least three things you’re grateful for. Our minds are plastic, and negativity like any addiction needs to be rewired. With practice, you may realize that the world isn’t so bad, after all.

Links for more information on content shared:

https://www.sciencefocus.com/the-human-body/why-social-media-makes-us-so-angry-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/

https://www.mentalhelp.net/internet/social-media-anger/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friction/201807/why-social-media-makes-us-angrier-and-more-extreme

https://www.intellectualtakeout.org/article/how-generation-z-became-americas-most-intolerant-generation/

https://medium.com/@marleyk/how-social-media-encourages-groupthink-e4b4b2f2a5f8 

Counseling:

www.betterhelp.com

www.talkspace.com

http://www.psychologytoday.com/us

Stay safe,

Emily  

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

[lovemesomesurveys]

survey by brelee

Do you tend to overthink everything? Yepppp, like it's my job. :/

What was the last thing you cleaned? I rinsed out my water bottle.

When was the last time you've cleaned your phone screen? Sometime recently.

What was the last advice you've received? Health related advice.

Do you have to take daily vitamins? Yes, but I'm the worst about actually taking them. I have been doing well with the protein shakes, though, cause I found one I really like.

Do you still wear a mask? Yes.

Where was the last place you've went to in a car? My mom and I went to the movies yesterday to see The Northman. Gotta support my man, ya know.

Has anyone ever stolen something valuable from you? More like my heath has.

I've making this space for you to rant. Sometimes we all need to vent about something. It's been a really hard time for a really long time and I'm just so exhausted in every way.

Do you enjoy any carnival rides? No, but carnival food is good.

What's your favorite carnival food? Deep fried stuff, basically.

Do you like more tart lemonade or sweeter? I don't drink lemonade.

When was the last time you lost electricity? Last summer a couple of times.

Do you have insomnia? Yes.

What's the last thing you did while outside? Like I mentioned, I ventured out to the movie theater yesterday.

Have you ever fallen off of a hill? Thankfully, no.

Would you say you've grown a lot in the past year? No. I feel like I'm falling behind and regressing each passing year for the past few years now to be completely honest.

What is your religion/spirituality and why? I enjoy reading about people's beliefs since I don't have any 😅 I'm a Christian.

Name 3 things to your right that are within arm’s reach. My medicine, my tumbler bottle, a bottle of Pepsi.

How old were you when you had your first heartbreak? I was 23.

Do you believe people have multiple soulmates? I don't where I really stand with the soulmates thing.

Do you have cable or do you stream all of your shows? Both.

If you could live forever, would you? I'd want my loved ones with me.

What was the last pain you've had on your body? My back.

Have you ever had surgery? Yeah, a few.

Do you believe in extraterrestrials? I think there could be some sort of life form, but not like green alien things or something.

Are you impatient? Very. It's gotten worse in recent years.

Have you ever gotten injured while playing a sport? I didn't play sports.

Would you like to go on an African safari or have you ever? I'd love to see the giraffes.

When did you last have a good cry? I'm always crying it seems like.

Do you find yourself apologizing often even when there isn't a reason? I'm always quick to blame myself for everything.

Do you enjoy gore in movies? "Enjoy" is a weird way of putting it, but I mean do like horror movies and can handle some gore. Some films just go overboard with it and it's completely unneccesary.

Are you nervous for the future or excited? The future terrifies me.

Do you enjoy being alone more than with others? I need my alone time for sure, but I enjoy my time with my family as well.

Look up and tell me the first thing you see that is black. A Masqerade mask I have hung up on my wall.

How many windows are in the current room you're in? One.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Many.

What's your favorite kind of berry? I'll have like strawberry, blueberry, or raspberry flavored things or some things with bits of those in them like blueberry muffins or a raspberry cheese danish.

What do you think of this whole Will Smith/Oscar's situation? I'm not bringing that back up again.

Do you think there is a possibility for a zombie apocalypse? No.

When did you last have a toothache? About a year ago.

What are your pronouns? Mine are she/they (: She/her. <<<

Did you used to decorate with a lot of posters as a teen or do you still do that? Yeah, my walls were filled up with posters back then.

Do you prefer light or dark blue jeans? Dark.

How many photo albums do you have? Several.

What are most of the pictures on your phone of? Iphone backgrounds, screen shots, and my doggo.

What's your most consumed form of social media? Tumblr and YouTube.

Do you like playing card games? What's your favorite? Yeah, like Cards Against Humanity and Apple to Apples.

What will you be doing in 15 minutes? Another survey, probably. I'm also watching YouTube videos.