#i've grown so much but this feels like the hardest point of my life

[hel7l7]

-

[abby118]

Watching the Loki series is like watching an endless gag reel. It's so bad it's surreal. Loki doesn't feel like Loki. That's not Loki. It's like we're watching Tom Hiddleston just flail and flop around in a bad suit. He reminds me, (and someone else also pointed this out, I can't remember who), of the Edgar suit in Men In Black. And I can't help but wonder if that was a conscious decision Tom made, to act like a possessed, reanimated corpse? We'll never know, of course, but every time I see video clips and gifs, I just see the Edgar suit and if it wasn't so laughable, I could cry.

I completely agree. I couldn't even get through season 1 tbh. And I'd thought ragnarok was bad and out of character...

My advice would be to avoid it completely. I've got the tags blocked, I don't look at the new content and just stick to the original. It truly makes me so sad for the entire fandom, to see such complex and deeply interesting character destroyed and stripped of his very essence. I've been a fan of Loki and the characters from the Thor movies since 2011 and hyperfixated big time. I won't let some disney bullshit ruin that. It helped me through the hardest times of my life and I see parts of myself in the personalities of the characters, having grown up with it being a safe place. It even inspired me to find interest in the norse mythology despite it being so different. I read numerous books and studies on it and I feel like you can catch little glimpses of it in the original franchise.

Sadly, it feels like Tom is so out of touch with who he is supposed to be portraying. I hope this is the result of a contract and not entirely his own input. Although, I'm worried that might be my wishful thinking.

I was studying the soundtrack of Thor 2 the other day and how much thought went into it and it made me weep internally. Brian Tyler studied the characters' personalities and brought that into what he crafted. It was full of care. He even named one track Lokasenna, which if you don't know, is the name of a poem belonging to the poetic Edda and is about the conflict between Loki and the Aesir (asgardians). I also love how the og Thor franchise had the recurrent theme of light & shadow. Returning back to the brian tyler vid- the theme he was talking about is named Shadows of Loki.

Now, compare it with what we got in the last years (sth that feels like a very badly written fanfic). That is just a single example.

For me, the ending of Thor 2 is the end of canon and I am writing my very extensive continuation. It's the best ending we could have gotten in terms of fanwork because it's an open ending. A still in-character-ending.

The series feels wrong, it feels like utter mockery and I'm not here for it. With that said, my blog is a safe space for everyone who feels like this or gets bullied by the new "fanbase" (yes that happens)

Thank you so much for sharing your opinion, I appreciate it more than you know 🖤💚

[sheabutterbitch]

Hi Raevin! I'm in the clinical internship portion of grad school now and I graduate in December. I know I've grown a lot through this experience but I still feel really insecure as a clinician. I often feel nervous or like I don't know as much as I should at this point/like I don't know as much as other people at this stage. Did you ever feel like this, or are there any certain books or anything that you felt were transformative in your journey as a therapist?

Hello! Congratulations, you’re almost there!

I’m going to be honest — this feeling doesn’t go away for a while. If it ever goes away? I’m unsure. The good news is that, from what I hear, the first year as a therapist is the hardest and things get easier after that. I’ve also been told by many clinicians that a good therapist never feels completely “secure.” We should always be cautiously confident and never too sure in our abilities. This allows us to be more meticulous in the work we do, and to treat every case with care.

As a new clinician I’ve encountered so many things that I wish I was taught in school. I’m a residential therapist so there are lots of things I wasn’t prepared for moving into this role.

Some things I wish I had learned more about:

Group therapy, case management, setting boundaries with clients, assertiveness, agency procedures, crisis management, personality disorders, motivational interviewing, interpersonal process psychotherapy, psychological testing

My advice to you would be to begin clinical supervision as soon as possible. I’m not sure what license you’re obtaining but I’m an LMSW and I wish I had begun my LCSW supervision sooner. I’m a little more than two months in and it has been a great help. Be sure that the person you choose as a supervisor has extensive experience in your area of psychotherapy and is the type of clinician you’d wish to grow into. Interview them, ask them questions, they’re working for you. One mistake people make when choosing a supervisor is treating them like a college instructor. My supervisor is actually one of my old instructors and I’ve had to unlearn that dynamic because she’s taken on a new role in my life.

My next piece of advice is if you aren’t in therapy, you definitely should be as soon as possible. Your therapist is also someone who should understand that you are also a therapist so she may need to be more challenging. As therapists, we know all the “right” things to say in therapy and you need someone who can challenge that intellectual deflection.

Lastly, understand that you are still learning. You may have learned a lot in school but you absolutely will make mistakes. These mistakes are not determinants of your future in these fields — how you choose to learn from them is.

Here are some books that may be helpful

The gift of therapy by Irvin Yalom

Interpersonal Process in Therapy by Teyber

Trauma and Recovery by Judith Lewis

Between therapist and client by Kahn

[tacomanarrows]

4 Year Shepiversary!!

Today, March 24th 2024, marks four years since I first made Shep!!

In that time, he really has evolved so much both as a character in his own right and as my main sona. It’s kind of ridiculous for me to look back at some of the first pieces I made of him and see how far both he and I have come since then <33

More ramblies abt what/how much he means to me below the cut :]

Shep was my first ever furry character and that was a big milestone for me, especially looking back on it now lol. I remember being nervous about taking that first step into having an anthro character because I had been in a lot of online spaces that had really negative views of the furry community (I would not wish being on iFunny upon anyone). Plus just branching away from WoF at the time, which my online presence had basically been built upon up to that point, also felt daunting.

But opening myself up to the furry community is something I’m so glad that I did and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Without taking that first step with making Shep, who knows, I might’ve never made things like Let’s Get Back! or gotten/made characters I so adore like PB, Starburst or Luau. I've met so many amazing people through this community and that's something I am so incredibly grateful for.

And then of course, Shep himself has really helped me in ways that no other OC of mine has. Given how I made him in March of 2020, that was right before the hardest stretch of my life so far, from early/mid 2020 through 2021. Having Shep as a way to express myself and channel the things I was feeling into a character really did help so much. I know I said this in my Shep post last year but it bears repeating, it really does feel like Shep and I have grown up together in the last four years. I don’t know how else to put it.

But 4 years and 232 toyhouse gallery images later, he’s still here with me. Despite everything, he's still me <33

[the5n00k]

M*A*S*H and the power of pure unadulterated sorrow

(this series is marketed primarily as a comedy! :D what a scam! /hj)

⚠️long post⚠️

I want to point out one of my favorite aspects of this series which is how different it presents its drama compared to other shows marketed as dramas that I've seen. ESPECIALLY modern film

The last movie I can remember portraying this sheer level of raw grief and despair was Hereditary. Such a powerful film about how grief can tear a family apart, it's honestly uncomfortable to sit through because of how well written and acted some of the scenes with the family are. And that's the point; tragedy isn't pretty. So many times you will see characters die on screen and the actors around them reacting to it with a single tear or burying their face into their stone cold main protagonist's shoulder. I have been craving that Hereditary level of despair from something for a long time now. That raw emotional breakdown that completely shatters the mask of a usually well put together facade.

Then my friends recommended M*A*S*H to me.

Yes you can make all the "crying breakfast friends" jokes you want about how often I latch onto a heart wrenching emotional moment in a show but I can't help it when it's so well executed. I can see a million silly Disney sidekicks die and feel nothing but this show has made me cry even on rewatch. And that is RARE for me, usually it's a one and done thing but this show still manages to tear me to pieces.

Not saying the show doesn't have any fun in it, of course it does, that's how the emotional moments hit harder. If you never saw the characters at their highest highs, seeing them at their lowest would just become numbing and unengaging.

Spoilers ahead obviously, I'm going to be talking about a lot of really important character moments throughout the show please if you are at all interested watch the show and come back. It's 11 seasons but it's well worth your time

Something that has always been powerful to me has been grown men crying. Perhaps it's because I never really had a good emotional connection with any men in my life and always saw them as stronger (emotionally) than someone who is erratically emotional like myself. Especially during the timeframe this is set (the 50's) and shot in (70's-80's) I was not anticipating the level of raw acting talent from the guys in this show. Especially once you get past season 4 and shit really starts hitting the fan

To see these grown men who take so much pride in their important positions as doctors and men and who they are just break down weeping like a scared child. It never ceased to break something in me. I cried the hardest at the amnesiac soldier who lost his brother (FANTASTIC scene it should have won 60 awards) but the two characters that have always stood out to me with this particular subject have been Hawkeye and BJ

Clearly if you've watched the entire show you understand what I'm talking about and obviously the other cast members have their moments (Winchester my beloved one day I will put you under a microscope and pick you apart) but for this subject, I'm going to use the two of them as examples because I consider these moments the most prominent to me personally

I'll start with BJ because there's a lot to unpack with him and simultaneously not a lot at the same time. Because he's so closed off and disconnected from most things happening all the time, choosing to opt out of anything whenever he can unless provoked, characters don't really know that much about him. As an audience, you're forced to pick apart his little mannerisms and priorities to see where his head's at. Some people might not like that but frankly I love it. He's a simple character on the surface but underneath, he's a terrified father and husband trying to keep his head down long enough to snap out of the nightmare that is war and wake up at home. I relate to him in that way, just trying to stay in my own corner and occupy myself until I have to wake up and do it all over again. Coping with the monotony is slowly driving him crazy

Then in Period of Adjustment, he gets a letter from his wife about how she and their daughter Erin saw Radar at the airport when he got sent home. And his thin thread of stability finally snaps. He's pissy for the entire day and doesn't want to tell anyone why, he'd rather just go through the motions and repress it just like everything else. But it keeps outwardly affecting everything around him whether he likes it or not. Then, at his lowest, he physically assaults his best friend in their own tent and destroys their only lifeline, the still they use to (poorly) make gin, and runs out.

After getting so intoxicated he can't stand up, Hawkeye finally finds him again and laughs that he's wearing a helmet to see him, still trying to make light of how much he's suffering. He tells him he's sorry for punching him and Hawkeye sits down with him. He finally is completely and truly honest for probably the only time in the entire series. He is completely vulnerable and open and tells him what's been bothering him. His infant daughter mistakenly called Radar her dad. The first person she ever called dad wasn't him. And he breaks down. He barely got to see her when she was born before he got drafted, he missed so many milestones of parenthood with her already and she ends up calling someone else dad. BJ tells Hawkeye he is furious at Radar and knows it's not his fault but he's still jealous. He even mentions how he's envious of Trapper, Hawkeye's old bunkmate from before he got there, which is still a huge sore point for him because of how abrupt his departure was. But he doesn't reprimand him for speaking badly about two people he'd considered close friends. He holds him closer and lets him cry. This isn't a single tear cry, this is a full vulnerability twisted face cry of pure pain. He can't say anything to ease the pain either, nothing he could say right now could help his friend. He just has to let him work through it.

They rebuilt the still together but BJ still remains broken. This is sort of touched on in Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen when he tries to get sent home before Erin's second birthday and misses it. It's not held on but you can obviously tell that he's still barely holding onto mental stability whenever he brings up his family. If you go into this series thinking every conflict has a resolution or closure of some kind I have bad news for you lol it's safe to assume when he went home, there was a rough adjustment period reclaiming his place in the house since Peg took on so much responsibility by herself but we don't really know what happened after everyone went home.

My next example is from Bless You, Hawkeye and I always rag on this episode with my friends but the scene between him and Sidney physically shook me. Everybody probably talks about That One Scene with Hawkeye and Sidney from GFA so I'll refrain from using it as an example here, I think this one is more appropriate for the point I'm trying to make anyways.

Hawkeye has never been mature. At all. His entire character is built on being obnoxious and causing trouble. Unlike BJ, he will share nearly anything about him when asked. Except when it's serious.

In comes everyone's favorite coping mechanism, ✨ unconscious repression! ✨

Again, a part of his character that got used again in GFA, whenever something upsets him in a way he can't manage, he buries it. He rewrites the memory into something happy or positive. So when a wounded soldier soaked in dirty water smelling of mold and musty clothing triggered a psychosomatic response, nobody knew why.

Processing scenes like this is something I remember so vividly from my first watch. Seeing all the pieces fall into place until that sinking feeling fills you is something this show is so good at.

Hawkeye starts talking to Sidney about something from his childhood; being out on a lake with his cousin Billy when he was seven. He claims Billy saved his life by pulling him out of the water but the more he talks, the more his story changes. It gets to a point where even he realizes he wasn't saved. He was pushed. Billy had to have been around 13 at the time, old enough to know how mean pulling something like that is. The way he admits it is when the gravity really sank in for me. His voice breaks, he starts loudly and violently sobbing like a scared child, he's probably been holding in this breakdown for 20ish years. In any other show, I could see them trying to play this for laughs. Oh Hawkeye, you shouldn't be so upset by a silly prank from when you were a kid! Look at this grown man break down! What a baby! But they don't treat it like that. It's treated completely seriously, it's allowed to play out and he slowly works through grief for someone he idolized in his childhood, anger, and acknowledgement. It was a permanent scar that wasn't allowed to heal.

This wasn't the first time in the series Hawkeye has cried but it was the first time he truly let it out. Every other time he knew he'd have to pick himself up, dust himself off, and keep going. I'm not certain if he properly processed anything he went through in Korea because he kept (pardon my language here) drowning himself in alcohol and burying himself in work and antics. So his eventual breakdown just. Getting it all out in one gutteral, primal cry, borderline screaming was cathartic for both him as a character and myself personally. Very rarely do I ever get a moment to have an emotional release like this so I also bury myself further into my job and hobbies until I can't feel what's bothering me anymore. His man's father better have booked him therapy when he got home because I know for damn sure this jackass won't do it himself

Overall, I'll say it again, the actors in this show are insane. None of the emotions felt cheap and the way the characters are written feels accurate to how most people approached the horrors of war and the mental health crises that followed. I'm so happy this show exists. I'm a little disappointed in myself that it's taken me this long to give it a chance but I love it nonetheless. I'll make a post about the characters specifically sometime like I said I would, I just want to make sure I do everyone justice and I'm not just repeating what everyone already knows. I want to add to this wonderful community that I'm happy to see is still active on this app/site and I hope you all enjoy my ramblings lmao there is more where this came from

[lincolndjarin]

The BKS Screen Adaptation ˖⁺‧₊˚✦

(aka the really fucking dorky thing i've wanted to do for ages.)

if you like Best Kept Secret and you've wanted to know what i imagine in my mind when i write this is the post for you. i put way too much time into this if i'm being honest, but it was so much fun i hope others enjoy it!!

includes fun things like hypothetical casting and soundtrack !!

SPOILERS FOR BEST KEPT SECRET CHAPTERS 1-25

ever since i started writing Best Kept Secret it's helped me tremendously to imagine it in more of a cinematic sense. i love movies. i love all of it, the cinematography, the soundtracks, the casting, all of it has always greatly interested me. so that's how i've always pictured bks in my head, as a movie, or more appropriately a single season of television lmao. anyhow, i've been feeling real fucking fried lately and i just started a proper schedule with my meds so i'm exhausted and i wanted to take a short break from writing to put this together, (more writing) this is long and self indulgent but i had a lot of fun with it so who cares i guess.

The Media Source :

in all honesty i think bks probably wouldn't work as a movie? this might just be the entitled author in me speaking but there is just like, so much stuff? i feel like it wouldn't be properly represented in the 90-150 minute format because there's just too much shit happening. ALSO i write my chapters the way i write my DND sessions, meaning they typically have a prominent ending point that i think translates best in a show format so i'll be presenting this as more of an Max original type beat, 13 episodes ranging from like 50 minutes to 90 in length. (pretty hefty but this is my hypothetical world where i get whatever i want lmao)

The Casting :

bks has a fair amount of original characters that all exist in my brain and in said brain i visually know what they look like and in y'alls brains you have an idea what they look like. like lowkey if i'm being real in my brain space bks is sort of animated? like in the style of arcane sort of lmao, so i don't really have physical manifestations of them but i have always had actors in mind of who i imagine would play them so here's that.

Leodall :

i mean if this is my dream hypothetical and i can do whatever i want i think it would be hilarious but also relevant to cast someone sort of silly as leo.

i think that it's important that leo is a little rat bitch by the end but also like he should be just sort of a clumsy disarming guy to start. i get a couple different vibes but like lowkey hear me out.

Jack Quaid??

like he's sort of just a lanky silly guy but also is capable of doing terrible things, i think he'd be a great leo and would also he'd be able to be disarming and likable at the start. just sort of harmless and nervous (until he isn't)

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Lysa :

honestly the hardest person to cast. i love her dearly because in my brain she's done way more than she's done in bks lmao and it's hard for me to seperate that sometimes but i thought about it for a while and i settled on someone who i think would capture Lysa as i imagine her in my mind.

Stephanie Beatriz :

she's visually how i imagine Lysa but also i love her so i think she'd be great.

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Elaine :

this one has always been a no brainer to me. i'd want an actress who is instantly likable and capable of bringing a character that i've grown very fond of to life. there has only ever been one person that comes to mind when i picture someone playing Elaine.

the mother herself : T'Nia Miller

Elaine & Lysa have been sort of wishy washy in description for two reasons, one being that as the story has progressed and they've developed they've become clearer in my mind, two being that there is so much bks and posting something this big chapter by chapter means sometimes i forget what i've previously said (nobodies perfect lmao) but personally T'Nia Miller is one of my favorite actresses and i think she would 100% do Elaine justice.

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Kodo :

this has always been a tough one for me. this is kind of wild but when i started bks i never intended to kodo to be downright evil (idk if i've ever said that before but it's true lmao) i originally intended for him to be more of a harmless idiot? the plot was going to revolve more so around how princess had a lot of internal battles about cheating on a husband who was neglectful at the worst of times but still absolutely harmless.

i realized pretty quickly how much of a fucking bummer that was LMAO. it's hard to write a hot sex scene when the main characters internal monologue is full of guilt, so i VERY quickly made the switch, and it was definitely the right choice, the story needed a villain and i needed to give Kodo some sort of depth so it fell into place pretty quickly. i was also rewatching game of thrones around this time so, surprise surprise, i bet you can guess who i was inspired by. that being said, i don't think Jack Gleeson is the right choice for this role, first off bc that guy should never play a villain again lmao, get him a fucking romcom or something, but also because if i could pick anyone in this hypothetical situation i would pick an actor that is relatively beloved.

kodo is supposed to be really fucking hot (unfortunately) princess isn't interested in him because he's an ass but he's supposed to be pretty attractive, but also at the end of the say he's a prince. like we know he sucks but i would want to cast someone that lowers an audiences expectations and makes them think that he's gonna be chill at first. if you've seen the movie Promising Young Woman (if you haven't drop everything and watch it rn) they do something that i fucking adore, which is casting men that are liked, Bo Burnham, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Max Greenfield, etc. to lower the audiences guards. that movie is jarring for several reasons but i myself fell prey to the casting, i was comforted by actors who i loved and felt a personal pang of betrayal. (great fucking movie, cannot stress this enough)

two actors come to mind for this role, one more than the other but i'm still fond of both.

one choice being : Nicholas Hoult

the only thing that i don't love about this is that it would be a bit repetitive, we've already seen him in the terrible husband role lmao, but it would be fun to see him be far less redeemable than his character in The Great lol. but also he's fucking phenomenal, there's no doubt in my mind that he would be able to capture the character.

my second choice is gonna be a huge hear me out. like some of y'all are about to be real mad at me but fucking- just give me a second to explain i swear there's a vision here.

my second and preferred choice would be : Josh Hutcherson

listen listen listen. i adore him. actually my pookie bear ^^

which is exactly why he's fucking perfect??

people who don't know the source material are lulled into a false sense of safety bc he's just a little guy, he's just a silly little guy. and if you do know the source material you're like is that fucking peeta?? did they make kodo cool as hell?? no they did not. they just wrapped him up in a pretty package.

i'm saying lets get this man back to blonde and let him let his acting chops loose, i think he's perfectly capable of playing the nightmare that is kodo harand and i think he's the best choice like let him be evil.

pretty boys can be evil as a treat.

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Din Djarin :

i mean, come on, we all know who's being put in this role.

Pedrito :

he's din djarin don't tell me otherwise. this era pedro ^^ is bks din like i didn't make starwars but i did make bks and this is canon bks din lmao.

but also like whatever they put in his pedro juice when he was doing plays? i'd get him some of that for this.

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Princess :

this is all in my self indulgent fantasy right? then yeah i suppose i'll play the princess, pull a lin manuel miranda and step up, i was in into the woods in highschool so i've got plenty of experience.

in all seriousness i would cast someone who sort of reminds me of myself, i would be lying if i didn't write her as a vague reflection of myself. i haven't really written a reader like that other than her, she's special to me so in a screen adaptation i would want to be sure that she's done justice.

the obvious choice to me is Stephanie Hsu :

she's a princess, idc. absolutely fucking phenomenal actress (robbed of her oscar btw) and i think that she would be perfect also cause like please cast asian women in things where their entire character isn't built around the fact that they're asian, let them have a character unrelated to that fact PLEASE. she's gorgeous, talented, and charming like she's my bks princess, always has been, anytime i've fancasted bks in my head she's my leading lady.

but also there is a second option that comes to mind which would be the lovely : Simone Ashley

i haven't been shy about how bridgerton inspired bks. she's the love of my life, another actress where i see her and i'm just like yeah she's a princess, it's a no brainer like that could very well be bks princess.

The Plot ( things i'd add, keep, or remove ) :

i'd keep most things the same, obviously i'd cut certain things to properly fill the available time

i would go full hbo max privilege, i want steamy fucking sex scenes, the sex is important to the story like let's be real. some of dins growth is shown through sex, the way he goes from being completely in control of things to being more willing to be vulnerable?? that shits important.

i would def add a lysa and elaine plot, they would have a side plot

there isn't really much i'd cut, if anything i'd cut the blowjob in chapter seven lmaoo, just bc that's the only thing i've ever considered changing in the story just bc it's always felt unnatural to me.

The Episodes :

this section is gonna cover how i would present each episode and also what chapters would be featured in each episode.

also just as a general creative choice i think princess would lowkey be fleabag lmao. like she def talks to the audience cause she's a little silly but also bc her internal monologue is written to be a little funny

Episode One :

chapter one

chapter two

i think this episode would follow the source material well. i actually really like the first couple of chapters of bks, i think they were a good hook for the story so i would keep things similar to how they're written.

Episode Two :

chapter three

chapter four

same as episode one ^

Episode Three :

chapter five

this would be the din episode, instead of princess talking to the audience i like to think just for this episode he would instead. also i have sort of a specific vision for this.

it's canon that bks din is relatively hard of hearing so i would want this episode to open on him getting ready in his cabin before doing all the flashbacks of his point of view of everything. he's not wearing his helmet for the first few minutes while a song plays and he cuts his own hair, his face is never visible in the shot.

everything else stays the same

this is where i get dorky.

dins internal monologue will convey something that i'm not sure i've properly gotten across in bks LMAO but i've always written a din who feels naked in front of princess and not in a sexy way but in an emotional way. he always feels as if she can see through his helmet and it makes him real fucking nervous around her lmao.

so like lowkey hypothetical ending shot is from out in the hall, princess inviting him in and from behind he isn't wearing his helmet bc metaphors.

Episode Four :

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight

i think the focus here would be six and eight tbh, if i'm being honest the rules were supposed to be way more important than they ended up being lmaooo, i just went in a different direction with it so i would maybe change that to something else. the book is still important for chapter 25 so maybe like a contract or something that they both sign.

Episode Five :

chapter nine

chapter ten

chapter eleven

yeah i mean this is me being unoriginal but like if it aint broke don't fix it so like i'd keep a lot of stuff relatively the same

Episode Six :

chapter twelve

chapter thirteen

chapter fourteen

^^ same here

Episode Seven :

chapter fifteen

chapter sixteen

i think that the ending spot would be different here than in the source material, the chapter ends with din asking her to come to the cabin but i think instead i would just end with the kiss and open the next one with the cabin convo

Episode Eight :

chapter seventeen

chapter eighteen

chapter nineteen

this is like the anti angst episode, these chapters should be all relationship building up until the chapter nineteen sex scene which i would want rather tastefully done but still filthy. that's sort of the tagline of this hypothetical show, tasteful and filthy

Episode Nine :

chapter twenty

chapter twenty one

another anti angst chapter except this one has a big bad ending so yknow, big dramatic ending, i honestly think there is no need for 'tasteful' violence. like this should be extremely jarring, like din has been protective to a fault but this is like straight up mandalorian possessive rage like fr get his ass yknow? lets see that blood

Episode Ten :

chapter twenty two

chapter twenty three

chapter twenty four

this would probably be the longest ep in my opinion. twenty two is real fucking hefty but also the lunar markets is gonna be the big surprise set piece i want that shit to be gorgeous like i imagine it being so fucking twinkly and delightful

Episode Eleven :

chapter twenty five

lets keep this one straight from the source material, like just use the chapter as a script yknow?

Episode Twelve :

chapter twenty six

chapter twenty seven

i can't say anything about this because it's not technically written yet lmao

Episode Thirteen :

chapter twenty eight

chapter twenty nine

same here ^

The Soundtrack :

music is important. we wouldn't have bks at all without music because it was music that inspired me to write in the first place and it's helped the story along since then, every time i get stuck on something plot wise i play music until something clicks. it's always been the secret ingredient for my writing so it would be extremely important to a screen adaptation.

i think it would be fun to have each episode end with a smash cut to the credits with music, i've always been a big fan of that so this section contains music that i'd use for specific scenes but also what song i would want playing at the end.

Episode One :

end this ep with :

I Can See You (Taylor's Version)

i mean it's a little on the nose but this is lowkey bks anthem so i think it's a solid choice for the ep one ending also it's always fun to end on a pop song yknow?

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Episode Two :

end this ep with :

Honeymoon - Lana Del Rey

another bks anthem, like listen to the lyrics it's crazy, and i think based on the ending of chapter four this would be an appropriate ending song

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Three :

Losing My Religion - R.E.M.

this would be the opening of the episode. din never facing the camera and he would get ready for his day while this plays

end this ep with :

Not Strong Enough - boygenius

this is def his ending song like bks din would cry if he heard this song.

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Episode Four :

end this ep with :

See You Again (feat. Kali Uchis) - Tyler, The Creator

this is one of those ones where i'm just sort of like hell yeah. in my minds eye this works, there is a visual here like trust.

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Five :

end this ep with :

I'm Your Man - Mitski

mitski is another artist that bks!din would listen to in his cabin while he cries like this is def how he's feeling at the end of chapter eleven

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Six :

end this ep with :

Saturn - Sleeping At Last

with where this one ends i think that something sort of soft is important, a solid instrumental works well here

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Seven :

end this ep with :

Starboy - Vitamin String Quartet

i wanted something a little more upbeat but also sort of on theme and i think this is extremely accurate.

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Eight :

Religion - Lana Del Rey

this is the sex song.

like this is and always has been the song that plays when they have sex without his helmet one for the first time, i consider that to be the first time he's really din with her during sex and this song is straight heat so of course this is what plays during that scene.

end this ep with :

Electric Love - BØRNS

i mean it's a little cheesy but i think it's fun and this episode ends in a happy place so it's neat to have a happy song refecting that yknow?

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Nine :

Like Real People Do - Hozier

i mean, this is the song that inspired the chapters featured in this episode, it's an important song because a lot of bks later on revolves around the need for normalcy, these two just want to love each other like real people

end this ep with :

I Fought the Law - The Clash

i mean like, this is a bit silly but also like i love when a show ends in a dark spot and a hilarious upbeat song plays, like, i eat it up every time and i think this is just so fun lmao like he fr fought the law (im hilarious)

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Ten :

end this ep with :

Lover - Taylor Swift

sort of a calm before the storm song, relaxing ass song before all hell breaks lose in the next episode yknow?

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Eleven :

The Secret History - Kerry Muzzey, The Chamber Orchestra of London

this is our searching for din song. long ass sequence, def longer than it is in the chapter lmao

end this ep with :

Borderline - Tame Impala

god i fucking love this song

but also i feel as though this song has a sense of dread to it that i think is perfect for the way chapter twenty five ends

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Twelve :

this is a hard one to pick definitive music to, there's a lot of music that is relevant to the chapters featured in this episode so here's just like, a cluster of music that i think would be relevant

Skyfall - Adele

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

Eleanor Rigby - Cody Fry

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

˖⁺‧₊˚✦

Episode Thirteen :

My Love Mine All Mine - Mitski

i obviously can't say what this would be in reference to but the last technical scene of bks would end with this song. i think the epilouge would have different music

Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine

i kinda sorta think that the epilogue could be crammed into a montage that could just be a post credit scene to this song.

that's all, if anyone actually read all of this i will kiss you fr like you're crazy for that and i love you.

if you write fic this was so fun?? like i really do recommend doing this or like a less extreme version of this lol i've been trying to force myself to take a little break from writing but i couldn't think of anything else to do so i did this haha

[peachsayshi]

I'm feeling for a good old angst 😈 Number 42 + Satoru Gojo. Please make it absolutely heart-wrenching, to the point of no return, destroy me, shatter my soul, and everything that I am.👍

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 15. Feather-light kisses on their knuckles (102 types of kisses)

a/n: (prompt number has been changed because I'm not comfortable writing for number 42) I will make this as angsty and heart wrenching as I can for you! Thank you for being so understanding, G! xox

you inhaled, taking in a breath of fresh air as you closed your eyes. the tightness in your chest spread its way down to your stomach and weaved up and around your frantic mind.

you exhaled, your shoulders shuddering as you slowly opened your eyes. you didn't know that a single look could hurt so much, but then again you didn't expect satoru gojo to show up to your birthday party tonight.

you've not spoken to him in three months. you swore to yourself that you would erase any traces of him from your life. whatever happy memories you possessed were overshadowed by the bitterness of your heartbreak. how dare he keep you protectively close, only to turn into a monster who would tear you apart at the end.

you've endured all four seasons being in love with satoru. the blossoming spring of romance that made up the early days of your relationship, the scorching summer of passion that followed soon after, and then a sudden shift to a brisk fall. satoru was distancing himself - playing hot and cold the minute you confessed your love.

it was the frigid winter, the bitter cold end of your relationship that did the most harm.

you were still holding on to the first bloom when satoru turned his back on you.

he left you and it tore you up from the inside out.

you can see him approaching you, sliding the balcony door close and to silence the noise from the party inside. you swallowed the lump in your throat, fixing your gaze towards the horizon to take in the city instead of looking towards his cerulean eyes.

"why are you even here?" you murmured quietly.

"I wanted to bring you your gift," he replied in a reserved tone.

a shiver crawls up your spine, goosebumps pebbling across your skin as you hear his footsteps move closer towards you. he was within your peripheral vision when tears pricked your eyes as the scent of his cologne wafted across your nose.

you see him extending out his hand, catching a glimpse of the pink wrapper and orange ribbon. your heart skips a beat, but your blood boils over the reaction. you turn to your side, placing your palm underneath his present and shoving it close to his chest.

"I don't need your stupid gifts, Satoru." you spat bitterly but your nerves dwindle seeing the hurt pierce through his eyes.

you're taken aback by the softness in his expression, the guilt contorting his handsome features as he slightly slumps his shoulders.

nobody else would be able read him like this, but you've grown to understand his body language.

he circles his long fingers gently around your wrist, and your arms turns into jelly as he tenderly touches your skin. four fingers rest against the back of your hand, while his thumbs lightly rubs the inside of your palm. your brows pinch together as he contemplates you, looking so incredibly devastated while doing so.

he takes your hand in his, and before you can even think about snatching it away you watch as he ghosts his lips over your knuckles to leave the lightest kiss that has you blinking back in surprise.

"I know you don't need it," he confesses. "but how else am I supposed to see you?"

"you don't. you broke up with me, remember?"

he winces when your voice breaks.

as the head of the gojo family you have no idea that there was a reason behind it all, that he was set to marry somebody else and could no longer run away from fate's sick plan for him.

"I remember," he admits quietly, "and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

✧*:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ: *✧

send me a number + a jjk character and I’ll write you a smol thing 💕

[nerevarswritingstuff]

First of all, hi, how are you? Second; I've been wanting to start writing fanfics or something like that, and the way you write is quite beautiful as well as your stories. Could you give me some advice and how is your process for writing and planning fanfics?

Hello there! I'm doing well and hope you are too <3

Thank you so much ;;v;; I'm glad you enjoy my writing!

HMMMM //strokes chin I have a few methods I usually use when it comes to planning fanfics or even stories in general... let me see if I can get a little list together

JUST A NOTE! This is how I usually do it, and while it's worked out for me, it might not work out for you or anyone else. It's all about finding what works best for you!

MUCH IS WRITTEN UNDER THE CUT (I got carried away........) SO BE READY

Planning

Now, when it comes to planning, what I usually do is figure out the end first. I don't really know how to explain it, but once I know how I want a story to end, I can figure out how the beginning and middle work out much easier.

This certainly doesn't work for everyone, because sometimes it's the ending that's the hardest to figure out, and other times it's the beginning or even the middle. That's just my personal thing.

A piece of advice I can give, if planning the ending doesn't work out, is to figure out what significant point you want to reach in the story. It can be 3 chapters in or 30 chapters in. What is the arc you want to reach and how do you plan to reach it?

After planning the ending, I go almost immediately into the characters. The most important thing I personally believe when making characters is a mixture of the personality and background. Background always comes first, because that's what helps make the personality--as our personalities are highly influenced by the life we've led.

A thing I've learned to use is the MBTI scale to help get a feel for how a character would act in certain situations and how their head works in general everyday life. (Again, this is a method that won't always work for everyone, it just works easiest for me!)

We'll use our characters from the TIaF fic, specifically Wukong, Macaque, Mei, MK and Nibby aka Reader as the examples!

Wukong: While most of his story hasn't changed too much, his personality has changed a lot. He's a monkey who almost always put his people and his friends before himself. He still holds himself in high regard, of course! He is the Handsome Monkey King, after all! However, he is also fiercely loyal to those he is close to, and he had to learn the hard way to not make it so obvious he cares. On top of this, he has also been (mostly wrongfully) blamed for most of the things that went wrong after the rebellion against the Heavenly Realm, to the point he actively believes that whatever bad thing that happened is his fault. And finally, he never makes it obvious what his true feelings are, especially the negative ones. In his experience, only a select few could handle his negative emotions, and they're long gone. Now, he has no one, and anyone he tried to talk to about it would shy away or be overwhelmed with the sheer amount of emotions he has that aren't just the usual "positive, impulsive Monkey King." Wukong's MBTI used to be ENTP, but now he leans more towards ENFP. He's very conscious of the emotions of others, but not his own. He's grown so used to not speaking about his emotions that he has difficulty acknowledging them. This makes Wukong a very complex and extremely complicated character who has more layers than an onion. Kind, caring, observant, impulsive. These are the words that best describe him.

Macaque: Macaque was a tough one to figure out, mainly because writing characters like him were something I always had some difficulty with. While Wukong believes everything is his own fault, Macaque believes that he is a villain, while Wukong and everyone else is a hero. Macaque's purpose is to hurt and kill, not heal and save. His black and white mentality was what made him think he'll never be anything more than a monster. He's also someone who's just as impulsive and controlled by his emotions. Sure, he was the thinker between Wukong and himself, but he's not completely detached to his emotions. When he gets desperate, he can't think properly, making him rush into doing things or making decisions. And much like Wukong, Macaque used to be open with his emotions (not as open as Wukong, mind), but time and trauma caused him to internalize a lot. His support group was practically nonexistent after The Disaster™ happened. It didn't help that during this time he was stewing in his thoughts, unable to properly get them out. He's certainly a complicated guy to figure out. He cares, but he doesn't like showing he does. He only gives a piece of help but never too much unless it's either worth his while or he's convinced to do so, because he believes "heroes" are the only ones who do that. And he's not a hero. If I were to lump him into the MBTI, he would be... either INFJ or INFP.

MK: MK was the biggest change from his canon personality. He is your precious little ENFJ who wants to help everyone and anyone, no matter who or what they are. He's so overly conscious of everyone's feelings, but he doesn't fully know the steps to take. He's also an overachiever, afraid to disappoint his fiends, his family. He wants so much for so little in return, selfless to a fault if it means that no one has to fight anymore. Granted, he will fight if he has to. He still wants to be a hero, after all! Just like Monkey King! But his view of Wukong's life was very much through rose tinted glasses and the only way for him to truly understand what kind of life he's going to lead would have to be learned through the hard way. Even if he's smarter than he lets others think, and is wise for his young age, he is still just a boy who's only 18 years old. So his views of the world will seem much more innocent and naive than that of Wukong, Macaque, or Reader's for example.

Mei: Mei was also someone who had a big re-write for her stuff. Mei is your undeveloped ENFP who can be conscious of other people's feelings, but it's unintentionally self-centered where she worries about the perspective of others towards herself. It's not in a negative sense, mind, but it is why she often misunderstands things. With this, she's also lived a life very different from the rest of the cast. She's a caged bird who was never able to see past the walls made for her, and never bothered to look past them either until most recently. She's rebellious and loud, but also quick to shrink at any sign of negativity towards her. She's confident but also unsure. She wants to be there for her friends, but doesn't know how. Mei holds the same innocence as MK does when it comes to the world, but it's in a more sense of "bad guys need to get beaten up, and we (the heroes!) are meant to beat them up!" Rather than trying to find an alternative route. She is very much a "shoot first ask questions later" type of gal, not often thinking deeper than surface level, and needs to work on that.

Reader "Nibby": Now, with the reader insert, I always make a small list of things for them starting out, and go from there. With Nibby, for example, the first thing I wanted to put down was "what happened to them before they arrived in China?" The trauma they experienced in America before moving in with their uncle has left them reflexively putting people at arm's length. It's also left them paranoid of their own powers acting up at the worst times. They're essentially a feral cat who was shown so much abuse they almost forgot what kindness looks like. They're just as conscious of other people's feelings, but scarcely their own. They learned to be an observer of others to make sure they can find danger and plan appropriately. They learned to not trust certain people with their feelings because they can't handle the baggage they carry--aside from their own uncle. Hence why they're hesitant to talk about themselves, or let the spotlight be on them. Despite this, they do have a gentle side they show to the younger cast (ofc being Mei and MK), even if it's a bit rough at times. They're fiercely loyal and are quite literally a ride or die kind of friend. When you achieve friendship with them, it'll be hard to get rid of them. I would say they are an INTJ but their EF (extroverted feeling) is pretty strong, allowing them to better get a read on people's feelings.

With that, we can go into the next section! Which iiiiis planning the Reader's placement in the story!

Starting off, one thing I learned through both writing fanfiction and being a DM for D&D, is how to make the Reader feel like they're part of the world and not just some random nobody who gets dropped into a world and is just reacting to everything instead of actively making a difference.

When I'm writing a fanfiction, I have a list of questions I usually ask myself:

How do I want to incorporate Reader into the world?

How can I make Reader feel like they're part of the world?

What significant changes to canon would they make so it doesn't fell like they're "just there" while the canon scenario happens?

How would Reader act during certain events?

How would Reader treat certain characters and vice versa? What is their relationship starting out and would it grow from there?

It's definitely very apparent in TIaF that Nibby (our Reader-Insert) makes active changes to canon. The prime example being when Wukong makes his first appearance, as well as Macaque's own entrance! The order of the things that happened are different, and some are nixed while others are completely re-written.

This all comes back to the personality given to our Reader-Insert. Nibby, especially when they've committed to something, is not someone to just sit back and watch the fireworks go off. They're either the one helping light the firework, or moving them to a safer location to avoid forest fires.

One thing I've noticed in a lot of fanfictions (not just in LMK, but in plenty of other fandoms) is that people have a tendency to just copy+paste canon with the Reader slapped in there as another person reacting to it all. It just feels like we're watching the show all over again, but with an added side-character that has little to no voice to make a change.

It's my own personal opinion, but if you're going to put in a Reader-Insert, it's important to think about what significant changes will be made with said insert being brought into the picture so it doesn't feel like you're just sitting on a Disney ride watching the same characters act the same way over and over again.

Once this is all established, we can finally go into the next step: Planning chapters!

This will be a short section, because I will tell you right now.... I almost never stick to what I write down when planning chapters. However, I'll still provide an example screenshot for what I've written for the first bit!

One thing that's helped me get a nice feel for the flow of the chapters is something I actually learned from my wonderful sibling Cuddlefishie, and that's writing the planning layout like this:

Arc - Whatever significant event that happens - Plot 1: Establishing the setting for event about to happen significant to the arc - Plot 2: The buildup to the event - Plot 3: Event happening, aftermath of event and downtime - Plot 4: Buildup to the next arc

It doesn't have to be in that order, each plot section can just be something significant happening within the arc before we move onto the next plot section.

Example (Note please don't try to read the text I had to make it smaller to fit everything into the screenshot and also blacked out the last bit bc SPOILERS):

If you're caught up with my fic, you can already see that I have not fully followed my own planning for this aside from like chapters 1-10 X"D

I don't know how to explain it and it's not meant to toot my own horn, but I very easily remember what I want to put within each chapter without having to write it down. That does not mean this works for everyone, I highly encourage writing it down so it's easier for you to remember what you want to put into the fic.

But also don't feel bad if you can't fit everything you wanna fit! The chapter "Broken Pieces" is one I wasn't even able to put in at the time I wanted, but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen! It'll just be at a later date.

The final point I put into this very long section is this: Get a beta-reader/someone you trust who can help you write the fic.

Yeah, yeah, the whole "no beta we die like X" is funny and all. But it's so helpful to have someone to bounce your ideas with and to help you plan. I am blessed with my wonderful sibling Cuddles to help me with plot points, and even writing specific character thoughts because they are able to think of stuff that didn't even cross my mind.

It's because of the second opinion that I'm able to get my writing smoothed out to make it look so pristine and flowy and real. Cuddles bounces ideas with me and I bounce ideas with them, and we agree certain plot points aren't needed while others can wait, and some can be revealed within the next chapter.

It also helps to have someone who can look at your stuff who has an understanding of how specific things work, how certain characters work (Cuddles has helped me so hard with how Macaque and Uncle Zan's head works you have no idea), and a better description/rewording for specific scenes. It's literally because of Cuddles that I was able to see how often I write certain phrases X"D

So GET YOURSELF A BETA-READER!!!

And make sure they're not afraid to tell you what feels off and what looks good. Finding a good beta-reader/idea bouncer is important, as you need to make sure you can trust them with providing constructive criticism and offering suggestions for ideas or even offering ideas of their own. They're helping you make your fic a reality, after all!

Now comes the moment we've all been waiting for...

Writing the Fanfic

One important thing I urge to do is to try not to fit so many plot points into one chapter. It can cause information overload and confuse your readers and leave them scrambling to hold all the information given to them--especially if you're gonna end up writing like 10k words or more per chapter!

Don't be afraid to cut the chapter early if you need to. There is no shame in moving what you originally wanted in chapter 5 to be in chapter 6 or even chapter 10 instead because it would make it flow better.

For example: As you can see in the example screenshot, I originally planned the Oracle Cards to awaken for Nibby much earlier. But after reviewing it, Cuddles and I agreed it didn't make too much sense for them to awaken for Nibby right now, and would be better if it was done later at a more significant point.

Hell, there was a whole ass conversation I originally wanted to put into chapter 12 or 13 that I chose to save for later because it didn't make sense to put in there at the moment!

Now for the next point, this is more of a personal gripe I've always had in literally any fanfic I have ever read no matter the fandom, and it's changing the point of views.

Point of views are important to establish when in writing. Who's eyes are we looking through in this scene or this chapter or this entire fic? When we're in that person's point of view, we know what they're thinking, how they're feeling, everything.

My advise to you is this: Do not abuse the point of views.

Constantly changing it every paragraph can and will get disorienting for readers and in all honesty, it just does not flow well at all. This is a common thing I've seen in a lot of fics in my time: the POV constantly being changed so we know what everyone is thinking at the exact moment. My opinion?

Don't do it.

Stick to one POV for a little while, guys. Just do it. It's okay if we don't know what the coffee maker is thinking at the exact moment, they probably are just thinking about how much they wanna go take a nap and feed their pet bird or something.

I say again: Pick a POV and stick with it for a little while. Don't change it every paragraph or every other paragraph. If you want to change it, at least make it clear that a POV change is happening.

For example: I use these "————" to indicate a change in POV is happening in the middle of a chapter. If it's at the start of a chapter, I make sure people know almost instantly who's POV we're entering and sticking with for a little while.

It is okay if the readers don't immediately know what the other characters are thinking. The mystery of what's going through someone's head is half the fun!

Nibby in TIaF is good at reading others, but not great at it. They can't instantly surmise what someone is thinking or feeling just from a glance. They're not a mind reader. The same goes for everyone else in the fic. Literally the only one who knows how people work is Zan and that's because he's a damn therapist, and even then he never jumps to conclusions until he has concrete evidence to back his theories.

Keep the mystery, kids. It's half the fun of watching your readers wonder what other characters are thinking.

Now I'm not saying changing POV is bad. It's perfectly fine! However, much like chocolate, too much of it isn't good. It gets disorienting, confusing, and (in my opinion) frustrating because we can't stick with just one person for a couple of paragraphs.

It also becomes harder to relate to the character, to feel for that character, or even just further hate the character when the POV is constantly getting changed left and right. Don't be afraid to stick with one person for a while, but don't be afraid to change it up if you want to!

It's a tough thing to balance. Trust me, it took me years to get to where I am as a writer and I still have a lot to learn. It'll get frustrating, but you just gotta have patience and the willing to want to learn and change to grow as a writer!

That's about all I can think of right now... SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG-WINDED GOSH IOVJEOIRVJER

If you end up having more questions or would like me to specify on anything, feel free to let me know! And I hope these points were helpful to you!! <3 <3 <3

[morkofday]

So I thought maybe Taylor Swift’s red with PuenTaylay since their colors are blue lol. Idk. I honestly can’t think of a good quote. If you think of one and tag me that works too 😂 I just want to see JimmySea on my dash again 😍 I miss them already

hello deanna ♥

i am somehow so very grateful for this prompt :'D it was delightfully vague despite being so straight to the point, and this is why i decided to both follow it and not follow it at all.

here's the result

everyone keeps telling me puentalay are taylor swift coded but i've never really listened to taylor swift that much (i don't really count the radio hits i was subjected to throughout my life). so this was my excuse to finally get into her music! mostly through jessi's @patprans amazing vv edit from a while ago. i went through that whole list of songs in it and i have to say it was a journey.

from it, this love stuck with me the hardest. tbh i cry with it now if i listen to it bc it feels so right for these two. so thank you to you both for opening my eyes, i suppose XD not that i ever really was against any of this, i just didn't have the right motivator before. now i had that and the time. it was fun ♥

and don't worry, i also looked into red! i do know that song haha, i haven't grown up under a rock after all. but i had to look at the lyrics properly and i do get where you're coming from with this prompt. i can feel puentalay there, especially bc of the colors. which i wanted to hold onto even when i abandoned the song itself!

so there's blue, as their beginning and ending. there's black and gray for the missing part, for the loss and grief and longing. and then there's red towards the end for the love! which. truly if loving puen is red am going insane for a little bit. we have had the convos about puen and red, am not digging into that again.

i just hope you like this! and thank you so much for joining in and always talking with me even when our tastes are very different ^^ i appreciate it a lot! have a wonderful rest of your week ♥

(some more rambles under the cut!)

i really love the way this song starts and how it seems to tell the whole puentalay journey in just, what is that, one verse? well, you know. in just a few lines we've come from their starting point to the inevitable tragedy of them having to separate, and then we've come to their reunion and persevering love.

so the edit tries to interpret all that. the first pic is about the water (which i've been thinking about so much and am going insane about it currently, there's so much Water!!), about how talay gets swept into this other universe and how he finds puen. which. i hope you get it that this is also about that glass house scene in ep 4 where talay runs through the rain to get to puen again. that's important. that's puen's tide - that rain.

and then there's a bit of fluff there. about the things they could go on and on about. about these moments where they find each other. about these moments where they... idk. are just lovely and in love. i wanted to show that.

bc i needed that before we hit the angst town! skies grow darker? currents come and sweep you away again? yeah, so true. puentalay literally just get together and then they're fighting which leads them to the secret island. which then, kind of, steals puen from talay a bit later. I tried to show all that too.

and then it's just. episode 11 part 1/4 heartbreak hours. that part is legendary and i love the angst so much even if watching it feels every time like someone is trying to carve my heart out with a plastic knife. but this line in the lyrics!!! it was just so perfect. gosh. (paired with the "and this love came back to me" like CMON i could make another edit only for that)

this then leads to the pink and the red. bc next we see what they had, what good things they got. the "silent screams" are, for me, about talay. about how he's saying he doesn't do love, doesn't really think about it, but still ends up seeking it. and idk, the dusty heart thing always gets to me. that's kind of his silent scream; talking about the love he does not want to the guy who wants nothing else but them to fall in love. how ironic.

puen got the "wildest dreams" then bc damn, that man has so many Wild Dreams. i didn't want to include the popcorn eating in this bc that would've made this edit cracky imo, so there's now just puen intensely staring at talay. this man is up to no good. his fantasies are horrible yet so, so cute. am so happy he actually got to finally live his popcorn fantasy XD what a doofus.

and then finally! all the things they never even dreamed about! aka everything in the our skyy eps. all of that was so good and domestic i bet they never thought they would have something like that. so that was for the last one. am kind of happy this took so long to make so i got those eps before this ♥ they're such a joy.

idk how much sense any of this makes bc it's 2am and my brain is fried but i just had to get all of this out. thank you once more for giving me this chance ^^ ♥

[adlibitur]

just having a bit of a moment honestly below cut-

the thing about this account being ~12 years old is that sometimes I slip into the past still on here especially the inbox i never cleared out and it drags me down like a riptide, leaving me face to face with myself of the past who I want to apologize for to every person whos known me. Its like a goddamn punch to the gut to want to shake myself and say "YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. YOU AND THE INTERNET. YOU ARE TERMINALLY ONLINE AND IT IS RUINING YOU AS A PERSON AND YOUR LIFE" and i see messages between me and ____, and ____, and about ____ and I just feel like theres no level of apologizing for how fucking unhinged i was at points like at all. I was so unstable and so unhinged about these things and so fucking out there and no one fucking called me in check either like I wish friends would have or something? I dont even know if I would have listened but god fucking damn did I not know when or how to quit. and I'm sure this is just another example of me not leaving the past in the past but I've tried my hardest and it doesnt stay there. I've kept going and going and the past still haunts me like I could catch it if i spun around fast enough. And I am throttled by the guilt of how I acted in all of these cases and more every fucking day, and I try to push past that too but it feels like one more thing to magnify how I dont meet my own standards and i feel like I'm drowning in the feeling of needing to get on my knees and sob about how much I wish I could apologize, atone, and regret my behavior with all of my being. But I cant go back in time, so I keep trying so hard to be the best person I can be every day but I'm still so haunted by all the years past, and even further back too. I dont think I can apologize enough, and thats not to say I havent messaged those same people apologies likely on more than one occasion now but it still weighs so heavily on me and I think of new aspects to apologize for all the time. I dont know if I can ever shake this shit, its been so many years now and it still wont shake. Ive grown around it, used it in various ways to be and get better, but god it feels like shrapnel stuck in me that I've healed around- its still there. Like sure i was hurt but hurt is never an excuse for how I was acting and goddammit I dont even know what else to say. I just feel so, so much like I cant make up for what I've done even though it doesnt stop me from continuing to try to be the best I can be, I still feel like I'll never ever be able to compensate. I inherently believe I'm a bad person, or at least not good. Maybe neutral some days, but I just cant see myself as good- and I dont feel like its without reason when I look at all these inbox messages. It brings me to tears watching myself excessively destroy things I should have just dropped, wishing I could reach through time and shake myself, tell myself otherwise. but again not leaving the past where it belongs I guess. the worst part about this is being self aware at this point.

I dont know what else to say other than repeating myself more, this stuff makes me ache and I know some of yall freak out when I post long shit like this but I am literally begging those people to not bother me about this post, I just needed to vent.

[ae-neon]

I am not saying this to make you change your mind about Cuba or Che Guevara, but please, don't forget that Che Guevara was also homophic and sent lgbtq+ people to labor camps ("El trabajo los hará hombres" - work will make them men) and racist. And about the doctors, they are exploited, while Cuba send their doctors to other countries, a large part of their salaries has to be sent to the Cuban government and they are left with only 10% to 25% of what the foreign country they work in gave them.

Hello anon

This is very fair, thank you.

I just want to clarify because I tried to keep it short so my point might have not been too clear.

The post wasn't really about the idolisation of one person but rather how differently people can perceive a person or country or situation given the information they have

We should always point out the negative actions of people and governments.

But at the same time there's a tendency to skew this view of things only to "good people" who do bad things.

As a South African and a black woman I have a unique negative view of Mahatma Gandhi (he was very racist, sexist and creepy) but that doesn't change that his actions helped millions if not billions of people. It would be insane to pretend it didn't.

Obviously, if there are better figures to celebrate we should celebrate them but it doesn't undo history.

For the vast majority of his actions, Che helped people and inspired others to revolution. He is more a symbol now than anything else.

The situation in Cuba is almost not so simple so I wouldn't feel comfortable agreeing or disagreeing but we should remember that the entire country remains under US embargo and sanctions.

If you know anything about that sort of politics, as someone whose country was also once under US sanctions - it is incredibly cruel and designed to make the poorest people's lives the hardest so they turn on their government.

Governments therefore resort to much higher taxes and wealth distribution. The money taken from some goes to others in the best case scenario and if there is corruption that's not exactly a problem unique to Cuba.

Not to mention Cuba, like many countries, has a much more socialistic model than the US.

I'm also pretty sure when attending Elam medical school, tuition, accommodation and boarding is free. Which is probably why the doctors pay back to the government for the first few years. But if you're talking about the years of compulsory community service work all doctors have to do - this system is employed in many countries including mine.

It's normal that medical students and professionals work in government hospitals and clinics which provide free or low cost care to all citizens.

Anyways like I said I don't know much beyond this so I'm not going to insist on a right or wrong. And especially as a queer person, I don't want to overlook or erase the bad things.

Just that different in my perspective because of the information and life I have - Cuba has supported the freedom and education of Africans for longer than I've been alive, my mom has worked closely with Cuban doctors and my father was a freedom fighter against the apartheid regime - I have grown up seeing things one way.

And the video reminded me that some people have grown up never seeing this side of the story.

[natura-est-sacellum]

Sooo, I've been thinking...

Lately, I've been contemplating leaving this blog and starting over, for multiple reasons. First off, this isn't my primary blog, it was a secondary, which means I can't reply to any post, merely reblog it. This is incredibly annoying for me, especially because my "main" doesn't represent me as I've grown anymore.

Secondly, I want to focus on aesthetic posts as well as domestic/housewife stuff. Less politics, more things that bring me joy: pretty pictures, quiet music, my home, my family, and of course, God.

Thirdly, the God part is a big one. Remember, when I started this blog (and my main), I was still a pagan. A pondering, tentative pagan, who was being called to God with every passing day...but a pagan nonetheless. I have since grown in my faith journey, and changed this blog to suit to the best of my ability. I feel, though, that who I was a year ago has tainted some people's view of me, my blog, and all its contents. I am not that person anymore.

Fourthly, the domestic part is also a big reason. When I first started this blog, I just wanted aesthetics and to talk with fellow housewives about domesticity, cleaning, cooking, some mild fashion topics, and on point political takes. I feel the last one has outshined everything else...and not for the better. I need to go back to basics, back to what I know and what makes me happy and mentally healthy. Focusing on politics really makes me angry. And to quote Andrew Klavan: anger is the devil's cocaine. And I just don't want to feed into that anymore, for me or anyone else.

Fifth, in trying to cut back on swearing, and I have done so with success, relative to where I started when I began this blog. But those earlier days...oof. Like a sailor on shore leave, I swear. I want to start over and have a second chance at not appearing uncouth or ladylike.

Sixth, and this one is the hardest one to articulate, especially because I don't want to call out anyone...but I'm beginning to notice some feminism and mainstream feminist ideas trickle into my little corner of the world. And some of that is okay, like sex work isn't actually empowering, and abuse of women isn't okay even if it's "culturally accepted", as examples. I still hold a lot of the same beliefs as a lot of my mutuals and followers.

That being said, I am trying to turn more to the Bible in my personal life, and follow a male-led, Biblical marriage, because that's when I'm happiest and healthiest in my own relationship. And recently, I've noticed more people, even some Christians who are pro-Biblical submission, echo some feminist sentiments like...fairness in a marriage, saying things like "what does HE do for you" for example. And I've even begun echoing these ideas in my personal life and in my relationship...to much internal disharmony on my part. And I need to get back to being grateful for everything my husband gives me, and giving him what I can in return.

This is something I have struggled with in the past month or so, and it has not brought me happiness. I need to return to that which made me happy.

So, with all that being said, I don't know when I'm going to make this new blog. I don't want to start over from scratch on followers and mutuals, especially because I do so enjoy interacting with so many of you...but at the same time, I want it smaller and more intimate. I may even post videos about cooking or cleaning tips or even some theological thoughts...we'll see how comfy I am with that idea. But I won't delete this blog; I have too much on it that I believe is of value to my personal journey, and to some broader discussions on conservatism, feminism, etc. I also have a long queue left to go through on this blog, so instead of deleting all of it, I'm just gonna let it post and run dry. Way easier.

I guess, ultimately, if you've read this and want to follow me on my new blog, knowing it's gonna be more Biblically feminine, less political, more aesthetic, and more geared toward domestic arts and family, then send me a message or an ask saying "count me in" or whatever, and I'll let you know when it's up and running? I think that'll work? Lmk

[nicoleunfiltereddd]

2023 New Year Same Me

I feel like I've genuinely found myself in a weird way. I'm leaving behind the idea that I can't have everything I want. The things I think I want but can't have are not meant for me. In Christianity/Catholicism, one of the main teaching points is sacrifice for love. I don't agree with the church anymore but I did have to re-learn that I have to sacrifice the materialistic and wordly desires for the goodness of others. I will no longer eat meat, and I will work towards a life of sustainability because, when I do my part, I believe real change will happen in the world around me. The more I do the more I will learn and the bigger I'll grow.

Sometimes it feels pretty weird to be so connected to the universe, and I resent others for not being as connected as me. I feel so distant at the core from my family. A group of 5 whom I have looked up to all my life. I see them with their beautiful families, some with their religion and some with their relationships with themselves, and I'm scared to pray for them because the change of heart I want them to have may not align with the journey they desire, or the journey they are meant to have. I think we will all spend a long time learning to relate and connect to each other now that we have all grown up and become more whole versions of ourselves.

I started my journey last year. It was a traumatic last 1.5 years and I've finally accepted my "mistakes" and I have started to understand what it means to take life as a journey and learning experience over something to be won. My friend refers to his life as a set of experiments. I believe it is all just a set of experience and randomness that can play out in our favor. I'm on a path to help heal the world and that begins with myself. I am determined to become the wholesome compassionate and dynamic person I wish to be. Part of me hates that it means I'll be a cog in the wheel of capitalism. I am gifted with my marketing and analytical skills and I've learned to accept that part of my journey is to be a part of the fucked up system so that I can begin the change from within. I think about the future and there's so much time for me to create lasting change. So I'm starting, with no rush, no pressure. I'm simply starting with a commitment to be more of myself and show up for myself. To do the things I say I want to without fear that I'll fail. I have affirmed: When I want to do something, I will succeed. It doesn't matter how many times I "fail" in between now and then. But I am determined to hit my goals because what else is there to life then to set out to do something and to do it. I had some of my lowest moments this year. So low. So low I was afraid to have meds in my house. So low I pictured the knives in my kitchen as a way out. So low that I wrote letters to my family and could barely make it through a sentence. I refuse to let the world win. I refuse to let those who harbor evil in their hearts stick around while I don't. My heart of love is meant to be here and I am showing up for it and myself. Every tiny being inside me is begging to bring forth a life of abundance and strength for me and others.

In 2023 I will make my voice heard, I will build my strength, and live righteously so that eventually, there will be less suffering for others.

I'm very happy to be alive right now. I'm grateful for my job, and to have leaders who believe in me and guide me. I'm grateful for my family who accepts me as I am (about as much as I accept them.. we're all working on it). I'm grateful to myself, for sticking out the hard moments. I'm grateful that I'm finally willing to try my hardest to see the beauty of life.

I hope that if you find this, you find what truly drives you and that you let yourself learn and fail and win and lose. It's all balance, yin-yang, karma, whatever you want to call it. You have to have it all because that is what you're here for. Make your story, build your life, manifest what you want. Why not? You only go this way once.

[thearguslistens]

You never stop paying for being psychologically tortured to your breaking point, eventually it stops hurting as much but it doesn't change how certain aspects of your life is just gone.

That the person you knew doesn't exist and no one will ever know them again. Just you're here now, and you are as happy as you can be but you are mourning so fucking deeply for the person that doesn't exist anymore.

Grieving yourself is the hardest grief to process because there's no happy memories to look back on because you don't fucking remember. Everything is a fucking blurry mess of faces and people you hurt.

I don't even fucking understand how I'm supposed to communicate that I'm not the person that's supposed to be here. People tell me they are happy for me that I've grown and changed and that everyone goes through this but they don't and I fucking know that. Most people don't look for fragments of their memories and just sob over the person that they no longer are. I can't stomach half the things that used to bring me joy, there are places on the map that I can never even acknowledging as existing if I want to have an afternoon without spiraling.

Sometimes I really feel like there was no point in escaping my situation because reentry into society had been a total failure. I'm not even a person at this point I'm a horrible convoluted species and I can only be around the ones I love wearing a fat fucking facade hiding how full of holes I am. Sometimes the mask slipping a little bit is enough to make people leave my life. I can't fucking imagine what would happen if I ever actually opened up about what I went through entirely. My closest friends don't even know besides a very gentle scratch of the surface because I choke on my own black tar every time I even THINK about giving anyone a detailed account of what happened to me and how I have lost and continue to lose things I can never replace.

[xiaq]

Hi, I have a question re:sex and Christianity. Small background: I still go to church, and I still live with my parents even though I'm not much younger than you, because housing is very very expensive where I live (pretty common here, I would say about 2/3 of my friends live with their parents and we are decently privileged kids)

Anyway. How does one get over purity culture? To be clear, I've never been told in church not to have sex, I've never gotten the gendered lessons that you got. But I am terrified of having sex. My first real, multi-year relationship just ended and while there was hand stuff etc, there was never any p in v sex (lol I feel 12). But I still had insane anxiety about being pregnant despite being on bc. And I think its because I know my parents would be so disappointed if I had sex. And if I was pregnant I could imagine all the gossip. And honestly I think im from a pretty open church, b/c one of our previous ministers kids recently got married at 8 months pregnant and lots of church people were at the wedding and supportive and her parents were there and everything.

I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???

(Asking because it seems like you've been pretty open about purity culture/removing yourself from it)

CW for sex talk (again)

How does one get over purity culture?

Oh man. That really is the million-dollar question, huh? Obviously, I can only answer re my personal experiences, and this is something you should talk to a therapist about, but I can tell you how I’ve tackled it with my therapist at least.

Purity culture is, at its core, an ideology that is perpetuated by shame. If you’re indoctrinated into purity culture when you’re a kid, the concepts become baked into the way you construct your identity, your perception of self, and your perception of your sexuality. It’s practically intrinsic, by the time you’re an adult, to feel shame any time you’re reminded you have a body, much less a sexuality.

According to the chapels I sat through every week as a kid, a girl's body could be 3 things: an intentional stumbling block for men, an accidental stumbling block for men, or unnoticeable. Women were to strive for the third option so as to keep their (and their male friends/authority figures) purity intact. After all, if a boy, or even your male teacher, had impure thoughts about you, it was your fault for tempting them (which, holy shit. I still can’t believe that was a thing I bought into for so long. If my 45 yr old grown-ass teacher had impure thoughts because he could see my 12 yr old collarbone, that sure as hell wasn’t my fault. But I digress.) The Only time a woman’s body can be something else, is when she gives it to her husband, at which point she must suddenly flip the switch in her brain that she is now allowed to be a Sexual Being and she must perform Sexual Duties despite living in outright fear of her own body and sexuality for years (decades?) up until this point. Jesus take the wheel.

Purity culture isn’t a thing you can just decide to walk away from if you’ve grown up in it. Because its ideology is insidious and internalized. So first you need to submit to the fact that you’re going to be fucked up about sex. It sounds like you’re there. Second, you need to interrogate what you believe. If you’re leaving religion behind entirely, you’ll approach removing yourself from purity culture differently than if you still identify as a Christian. It sounds like you might be the latter, which meant, for me, separating what’s actually biblical and what’s shitty, contrived, doctrine that I was told is biblical but is actually more political than spiritual. This helps you address the shame issue.

You need to throw away I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Lady in Waiting and all those ridiculous books you read and reread in the hopes of somehow obtaining impossible marriage perfection and look into actual scripture interpreted within its historical context. I could write a book on this, but the TL;DR is that the text of the Bible was written, translated, curated, and changed multiple times over thousands of years by human beings with human biases and, often, personal and/or political agendas. It contradicts itself! Reading it as it is—a flawed historical document—rather than some sort of God-breathed perfect document—is incredibly freeing. When you do, you’ll probably realize that purity culture is bullshit on a spiritual level. Which is a good start, if that matters to you. Because any time you start to feel shame or guilt you can ask yourself: does God actually care if I wear a bikini or touch a dick I’m not married to? Probably not. Wear the bikini. Touch the dick.

The most important therapy session for me was when my therapist asked what I would do if I got to heaven and God was actually the God I’d been raised to fear. What would I do if he condemned me for being bisexual and having premarital sex and becoming educated, for arguing with men, and failing to isolate while menstruating, and wearing mixed fabrics? If Montero had come out at the point, I probably would have said I’d pole dance down to hell. Instead, I said I would spit on heaven’s gates. If a god that cruel and that pointlessly demeaning really exists—a god who would create in me condemned desire—I won't worship him. The good news is, I’m 99% sure he doesn’t exist. At the very least, he isn’t supported by scripture.

Okay. The final thing you need to do is figure out what you actually want, sexually speaking. This bit is probably the hardest. I’m still in the early stages of this myself. You say: “I dont even think I particularly like sex, i might be on the ace spectrum, but how do I remove it from all the anxiety that's tied to it so I can even give myself the chance to find out???” Bro, I wish I had an easy answer for you. For me, whenever I’m feeling anxious about Sex Things, I tell myself: 1. My God does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 2. My partner does not equate my worth to my sexual habits. 3. I do not equate my worth to my sexual habits. It seems silly, but reminding myself of those three things is massively helpful. If, after I’ve sorted through those, I’m still anxious or uncomfortable, I stop doing the thing. I evaluate. Am I overwhelmed and I need to try again some other time? Do I just not like the thing? Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Sometimes you change your mind. Sometimes you just don’t know. That’s why having a partner who you trust and who’s willing to patiently explore your interests (and respect your disinterests) is so important. Half the battle, for me, was having a partner who told me they’d be ok with no sex at all. Because that took the pressure off me. If the bare minimum they need is nothing, then anything more than that is a bonus! Hooray! This is maybe TMI, but let me tell you. I thought I was asexual* right up until I was able to have moderately non-anxious sex. Never in my life did I think I would initiate a sexual situation but… I do now. It’s a fun thing to do with a person I love and, holy shit. I am furious that I nearly missed out on it.

Finally, re birth control: I don’t know how you can approach that fear in a way that works for you. If you don’t want to ever have penetrative sex, that’s fine! If that’s a point of anxiety you can’t get rid of, then don't push yourself to do it. If you find out you like other sex things, do the other sex things! If you don't like doing any sex things, don't do any sex things! Also, have you considered sleeping with people who can’t get you pregnant? Always an option if it’s an option you want to consider. ;)

Okay. I hope this was even a little bit helpful. Sorry if it’s a little convoluted, I typed it up in bursts during my work breaks.

*This is not at all to say that asexuality can be “fixed." Rather, it’s to say that things like purity culture can drastically confuse your sexuality in general. If you’re asexual, then this process is still important to discover what you like/dislike. Then you can be explicit about those necesities and find a partner who’s a good fit (if you want a partner at all, that is).

[221bshrlocked]

One Too Many

Pairing: Marcus Pike x Fem!Reader

Words: 1541

Warnings: Drinking. Awkward confessions. Spiraling thoughts. Cuddling.

Summary: Perhaps that last drink was one too many...

A/N: For @autumnleaves1991-blog Writer Wednesday Picture Prompt. I feel like I might just turn these prompts into little Pike oneshots. Sorry this was late I'm not myself lately for some reason. Let me know how I’m doing in the comments please and thank you. Add yourself to the taglist here.

"Are you kidding me?" You throw your cards on the table and relax back into the couch, taking a long sip from the beer can in front of you before standing up and pulling off your tank top. You shake your head as you add it on top of the pile of clothes you've been losing for the past couple of turns.

"Guess I underestimated you Pike," you lay back again and tilt your head to the side to rest it on the pillow behind you, watching as Marcus does everything in his power to avoid looking at your exposed skin.

"And I thought you'd be better at this," he replies as he mirrors you and shugs down the rest of his drink, all the while refusing to acknowledge how almost naked you are.

"Go on then, deal." You point at the cards as you lean forward again and push the beer cans aside.

"Maybe we should stop..." He collects the cards and sets them on the side of the table, barely meeting your eyes for a few seconds before he feigns checking his phone.

"What? You're not getting shy on me now, are you Pike?" You smile when he blushes underneath your scrutiny and huffs in irritation.

"N-no, we just had too many drinks, and I...and you look cold so-"

"I'm sitting in front of you in nothing but my bra and panties, and you're worried about me being cold? God, who are you?" You stand up and make your way to the fridge to bring out some more beer.

"No no, that's enough for you." Marcus runs behind you immediately and shuts the door to the fridge before filling up a glass of water and handing it to you.

"Wha-"

"Drink the damn water...please," Marcus whispers, and you frown at him as you drink the cold liquid. Marcus can't look away from the way your throat bobs up and down as you drink, and he almost moans when a few drops of water escape the corner of your mouth and roll down your neck. When you put the glass back on the counter and turn to him, you find the blush from earlier much darker. As you follow his line of sight, you smile to yourself and raise an eyebrow at his shameless staring.

"See something you like, Agent?" You tease him and try not to giggle when he drags his eyes away from you and apologizes for making you uncomfortable.

"You didn't make me uncomfortable. You never do. It's why I like you so goddamn much actually. You're always so kind to everyone, even when they don't deserve it. And you're really good at your job, and you make sure everyone knows how much you rely on them to do theirs even though you probably don't need any of us because you're smart and- and...ugh, now I probably made you uncomfortable. I- I can't help it, I'm sorry. You're just so perfect. Perfect and sweet and- and pretty."

Marcus doesn't know what to do other than stand still as you continue to lean into him. His breath hitches when he feels the palms of your hands on his cheeks, and he feels bad for not shaving earlier because the last thing he wants is to cause your soft hands discomfort. He's grown even quieter somehow and shuts his eyes as soon as he feels your thumb caressing his lower lip.

"And you have the most kissable lips I've ever seen. I've wanted to kiss them for so long..s-so long." Marcus thinks you're going to do it, and he prepares himself to feel your lips against his. But then you're pulling away from him and leaning back on the counter, whispering something beneath your breath and making Marcus open his eyes. He watches as you hug yourself and try to appear smaller, and when he stretches out his hand to try and bring you into his arms, you wriggle away from him and apologize.

"I'm s-sorry, I- I think I had one too many drinks. I should go and- oh god, what did I do?" You're talking to the floor, and Marcus finally realizes the power dynamic between the two of you. Before you spiral any further, Marcus walks around until he's standing in front of you. He takes hold of your shoulder and shakes you lightly to grab your attention.

"Sweetheart, I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?" He asks calmly and waits until you nod at him before he continues.

"Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to give you some change of clothes, and you're going to stay for the night. I'll take the couch, and you can take my room alright? There's a lock on it so you don't have to worry about-"

"I'd never think you'd do anything to me, Marcus." You cut him off suddenly and Marcus feels his heart skip a beat at how angry you sounded.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. We can talk about all of this tomorrow morning, yeah? You're not in trouble sweetheart. You and I had too many drinks, and we need to discuss this with clearer heads. Does that sound like a plan?" He looks at you in a way that makes your stomach twist and you nod at him before you move across the living room. Ever the gentleman, he throws his suit jacket around you as he helps you walk to his bedroom and once you're inside, he hands you one of his pajamas and tells you to change into them. As you do, Marcus heads back to the kitchen, grabbing some Tylenol and a glass of water before returning to his room. He stops at the foot of the door when he sees you in his pajamas, gulping nervously and trying to calm himself as he approaches you.

"These are for when you wake up tomorrow. Do you need anything else?" He asks as he tucks you in, smiling when you shake your head and shut your eyes as you feel him brushing your hair aside.

"T-thank you." He barely hears your murmur and nods at you before standing up and heading out of the room.

"Good night sweetheart." Marcus calls out just as he shuts the door to his room and he clenches his fist on the knob when he hears you call after him in return.

"Good night Marcus."

He stands in the middle of his living room and looks around. Marcus begins to clean up shortly after when he realizes that there's no way he will get any rest tonight. He tried his hardest not to get attached to a colleague again but you were different. Just hearing you talk about him made his heart flutter and he hoped that it wasn't the beer talking. He wasn't sure what he'd do if you woke up tomorrow morning and told him that none of what you said was true.

So busy moving back and forth from the kitchen and the living room, Marcus didn't notice you coming up behind him and standing in the middle of the hallway. When he turns around and sees you standing there, he stops what he's doing and approaches you slowly.

"Everything okay? Do you need anything?"

"I- I don't want to be alone tonight." You break the silence and Marcus' breath hitches when he registers what you're asking of him.

"Sweetheart, I- I don't think I should- you've had a lot to drink and you probably need some space to-"

"Please," the soft whimper shakes Marcus to his core and he immediately nods before shutting off the lights and following you back into his room. You waste no time at all and slither back underneath the covers. Marcus grabs his sweatpants and moves to the bathroom to change. His nerves are eating him up, but he reminds himself that you needed him to be his usual self right now. Walking out in his white undershirt and sweatpants, Marcus moves around the bed and slips into the covers. As soon as he shuts off the nightstand lamp, you're crawling across the bed and into his arms, not bothering to say anything as you rest your hand on his chest and nuzzle into his side. It takes him a few seconds to collect his bearings before he wraps his arm around you and leans down to kiss your forehead.

"Is this okay sweetheart?" He asks and shuts his eyes when you somehow grow closer to him.

"Y-yes."

"Alright, sweet dreams baby." Marcus knows he shouldn't be calling you such intimate pet names but he can't hold himself back, not when you were touching him like he was yours. Like you were his. He doesn't have to wait for too long to hear your soft snores and against his better judgment, he turns on his side and faces you, immediately wrapping his other arm around your back to bring you into his chest.

Having you in his arms, with your hands fisting in the front of his shirt, makes Marcus realize that his previous efforts were all in vain.

He was already attached to you. And he hoped to god that the feeling was mutual.

Pedro Pascal (and any of his characters):

@pastel-0-princess @feelmyroarrrr @libbymouse @its--fandom--darling @spideysimpossiblegirl @princess76179 @cheekygeek05 @miraclesoflove @purple-mango @freeshavocadoooo @metalarmsandmanbuns @acthenerd @greeneyedblondie44 @cannedsoupsucks @purplepascal042 @talesfromtheguild @f0rever15elf @vibin-hippie @onesmokinbabe @leaiorganas @words-way-of-life @kideyz @lovesickmadsadpoet @niall7inches @rosiefridayrogersunday @tati-adventures @sleep-tight1 @itsfreeekinbats @cybergroupie @vibin-hippie @marsplsstop @mouthymandalorian @diogodxlot @janebby @juletheghoul @bii-aan-ckaa @nohartandsole @djjarins @lamelyssher @giselatropicana