#i. ┊ michael burnham — character study

[violinc]

tags

[leohtttbriar]

I think Michael like for all that she is she is definitely an anthropologist like I think she takes a very great cultural lense before a scientific

you know, i think you are absolutely right! thank you so much for bringing this up! i wasn't even thinking about her academic specialties when i wrote this post. her first question being about "praying" could very easily just have been the way she was trained to meet alien peoples where they are first before obnoxiously being like "what is that, tho"

and, to your point about the cultural v scientific lens:

for better or worse, i'd say star trek collapses the boundaries between a lot of academic disciplines. "hard" v "soft" science doesn't seem to be a distinction in the star trek speculative world, where linguistics and anthropology are as much about physics and biology and no one is going to pretend like learning languages is a different kind of Study to learning chemistry. this sometimes does not work, imo, because sometimes the writing will accidentally slip into an unexamined essentialism with the alien cultures, which renders the whole of the allegory sort of silly and potentially all kinds of offensive. but it sometimes does work.

discovery, from what i remember of the first two seasons (i'm only just now starting the third, bc i lost my cbs account between 2 and 3, alas! etc), seems more able than other series to collapse the distance between disciplines and walk the line between what is cultural and what is material culture informed by biology. like saru constantly talks of his alien species and how their history of being hunted on his planet manifests in a perpetual anxiety and tamed-curiosity for him but also lends a level of care and sensitivity that he excels in---all of which fleshes out the character while giving him the awareness and consciousness to know why he may be acting a certain way compared to others and why he shouldn't ever be demeaned for it and where his body and his body's millions-of-years-old natural history can be challenged with that consciousness and how his consciousness can be valued precisely for its origins.

the klingons and vulcans, while not as sophisticated as the character saru, also seem to be largely cultural products that are informed by their specific biology. michael, somewhat caught between the cultural product and her own biological reality, can affect vulcan mannerisms and is very often portayed as thinking like a vulcan, while remaining very recognizable to us. her phrasing and her pattern of speech, while not monotone, are normally utterances that move from established fact to logical conclusion. I have nowhere to go back to...the only thing I can do right now is trust something, she says, upon being thrust nine-hundred years in the future. it's the statement of a stoic philosopher (probably one of the "vulcan" influences). she is concerned with what is material and what is real and what is real to others.

which is why i really like what you pointed out about her anthropology expertise--culture is real and often naturalized to those who live in it. michael is definitely someone, what with her studies and how she was raised, who is intimately aware of how the alien can be made familiar, how bodies can't be denied but you can learn to know them, how consciousness is strange and existence-in-causal-time stranger, and how people (all creatures included) are never all one thing or another.

obviously there's no perfect speculative fiction creating speculative cultures. the hurdles of making a sell-able show and the ingrained biases and limitations of the writers are not insignificant. but the storytelling here is engaging with conceits concerning the preciousness of life and the immutability of that preciousness--even if you don't understand it.

(also i just love michael burnham with all my heart. don't think it was a coincidence she was named after the angel who carries a sword.)

[burntheedges]

KATE! Congratulations to you on your milestone. You bring joy and fun to this little corner of the void, and I'm really glad you share it with us.

I would love if you could make a 📜fic rec, please and thank you. I'll leave it up to you if you want to choose one show or the other (or both). It's your celebration, you do you! My only request is no dark!fic.

I'm curious to see what Star Trek fics/ships you enjoy. TNG is my forever love but if you're also a fan of Discovery or Strange New Worlds, I'm down.

And I was a fan of Stargate Atlantis back in the day. I didn't have a tumblr account then, but I did come across some stories and fanvids that I enjoyed. Which is your favorite ship?

And since you love flowers so much, and it's prime cherry blossom season....enjoy 💮 (I actually have a red cherry blossom tattoo. I love them)

hi!! thank you!! I feel the same way about your presence in our corner of the void 🧡😂 and thank you for the flowers! Flower tattoo high five 🧡

ok I have come up with a mix of ships and other things. If you like any of them please tell me! I would love to hear your thoughts and it’s cool if you don't like them.

...

Star Trek

(I have many Kirk/Spock recs but I avoided them here, let me know if you want any. That and DS9.)

illuminate a little space by zozo rated T, Michael Burnham/Sylvia Tilly, 2k

Or: Five times Tilly didn’t realize Michael was trying to date her (and one time she did).

Past Duties by astolat rated T, Picard/Q, 2.3k

Late in life, Picard has an uninvited guest.

Accidental by astolat rated gen, Picard/Q, 678 words

Why it's a bad idea to surprise omnipotent beings.

These two go together and I think they are fascinating character studies of James Kirk (by elumish) (no ship):

Linguistic Ambiguities in Vulcan Ethical Codes rated T, gen, 5.7k

The thing people always forget is that it was a Vulcan ship that reached Tarsus IV first.

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations rated T, gen (background Spock/Uhura), 6.9k

Kirk 619s as soon as the comm ends.

and if you'll forgive me for adding one from Deep Space Nine:

Unending Song by AuroraNova rated gen, Jadzia Dax/Worf, 2.7k

When awareness starts to return, Jadzia’s first thought is, Julian pulled off another medical miracle. Then she realizes she’s surrounded by two dozen puzzled Klingons, and she reassesses. She is, in fact, in Sto'Vo'Kor. It's not exactly how she envisioned death.

...

Stargate Atlantis

Ok first, some non-McShep fics:

My Home And Native Land by copperbadge rated T, gen, 17.8k

Ronon's friendship with Chuck, the head Gate Tech of the Atlantis mission, leads him to discover the strange and alien ways of Canadians and helps him lay his past to rest.

Fieldwork by Rheanna rated gen, Ronon/John, 3.1k

Ronon starts his e-mail correspondence with Sheppard's brother more or less by mistake.

I have a soft spot for fics that explore cultural things within the SGA universe, so here's a couple of those:

Pegasus Non-Verbal by igrab rated T, Rodney/John, 6.3k

John always gets a little thrill when he sees Rodney sign at him across the room, casually dissing people literally standing next to him and John is the only one who knows.

Scenes from a Lesser War by amireal rated M, Rodney/John, 20.4k

Don't ask don't tell is repealed and all of Atlantis tries to find their footing, except for John and Rodney, who just try to find each other.

Note: I think the structure of this fic is beautifully done.

and this fic is both beautiful and emotionally devastating. I love it and I cried a lot the first time I read it. It's more of a character study of Rodney and you'll see why if you read it. I can give you more extensive tags than the author did if you want them. I think about this fic like once a year at least. The second, shorter installment in the series is also amazing.

freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose by synecdochic not rated, 19.2k

Because the meaning of life is "do the next thing", and we all carry the seeds of the past into our future. Futurefic, Rodney-centric.

followers celebration

[tailsrevane]

2022 in review, part 5: novel first reads

my top ten favorite first reads of this year! more or less! idk it’s harder for me to rank books than other kinds of media sometimes, i feel like. i did my best.

1. wolfsong by t.j. klune (2015)

i already wrote a very long review of this so i’m not gonna rehash it here, but yeah this is a gay werewolf book with a very unique/artistic writing style and i’m pretty sure the main character is literally otherkin. (they don’t use the word “otherkin” but his experiences line up so well it’s kind of scary.) obviously i’m a fan.

2. wolf-speaker by tamora pierce (1994)

omfg i need to get back to this series i love tamora pierce’s writing style so much. i keep alternating between kicking myself that i didn’t read these as a kid & celebrating the fact that i get to read them all now. but, yeah, i need to get back to this series. and her stuff in general.

3. any way the wind blows by rainbow rowell (2021)

this is far & away the best book of the simon snow series. it’s just such a godsdamned satisfying ending.

i mean, okay, i do find it a little off-putting that i’m meant to believe that penny is heterosexual, but we can’t win ‘em all. but also we get to see her rules lawyer a fucking demon??? and be a stone cold badass in the process? so i can’t really complain about how that went.

the writing of simon & baz’s intimacy with each other was fucking sublime. it was so heartful & honest, i just ached for them.

i’m a little disappointed that this was such a definitive ending because i could’ve kept following these characters for like a dozen more books, but honestly it was such a perfect ending it’s kind of hard to argue with it.

4. birth of the firebringer by meredith ann pierce (1985)

yeah i can’t imagine what i found appealing about the unicorn book with narration from what feels like an awfully authentic animal headspace whose culture is SUPER pagan and where the main perils are 1) vore, 2) mind control, 3) literally a tornado. just truly drawing a blank here.

5. wayward son by rainbow rowell (2019)

i’m so glad the harry potter books never did an american roadtrip because holy shit it would have been insufferable. this, on the other hand, is brilliant.

everyone at ren fairs is apparently actually a witch or supernatural creature? vampires run las vegas? techbros are trying to contract vampirism for incredibly dumb reasons? yes, yes, yes. perfect.

6. star trek: discovery: dead endless by dave galanter (2019)

we gays are so powerful, you guys. i mean, the fucking butterfly effect of the awful season 1 of discovery unironically employing the bury your gays trope resulting in us ending up with this profic au where culber’s ghost finds his way onto a discovery commanded by a michael burnham who never mutineed and has family dinners with fleet captain georgiou & surrogate sibling saru, and he just immediately starts making out with au stamets who starts working on bending the laws of physics to the will of his multiverse gay love story.

sometimes profic is just fanfic with resources & a stamp of legitimacy, and when it is it’s glorious.

7. star trek: discovery: fear itself by james swallow (2018)

the discovery novels are shockingly good. like, this one is so action packed while also being such a great character study of saru. it honestly surpasses what the show was doing contemporaneously. i’d really like to see more comics or novels set on the shenzhou.

8. murder on the orient express by agatha christie (1934)

this was almost certainly hindered by the fact that i had seen so many adaptations of it by the time i read it that i felt like i had already read it, but i nevertheless enjoyed it quite a bit and am eager to read more mystery novels (and christie novels specifically.)

9. lunatic fringe by allison moon (2011)

patient worldbuilding, imperfect but well-meaning characters having mostly (mostly) good-faith conflicts over strategy, and L E S B I A N   W E R E W O L V E S. yeah, that’ll work.

10. blood and chocolate by annette curtis klause (1997)

this book’s picture is in the dictionary under “problematic fave,” but this really is delightful if you can get past all the ways in which it’s awful. and i can, clearly.

[piraet-ed]

tags

[atpiraet]

tags

[onaperduamedee]

Amanda had it made when Michael got into the Academy and now Michael wears it whenever she codes.

[atpiraetes]

tags

[harrowedfaith]

tag drop *

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I’m Always Curious Part Twenty Nine

Previous Part | Next Part |  Masterlist Notes: I hope everyone’s having a good week 💕

Also if y’all didn’t see, I made an I’m Always Curious Playlist, check it out if you’re interested 😊 Also toying with the next chapter being in Pike’s POV, we’ll see tho

Warnings: Cursing and mentions of canon-typical violence Summary: When I had determined the most appropriate position for the tag and that couldn’t quiet my mind any longer, I headed down to the shuttle bay.

Having had opposing pictures of her character drawn for me by Spock and Tilly, meeting Commander Michael Burnham was a bit of a trip.

The things that Spock had told me about her led me to expect someone austere, distant. But while she was composed, she was cordial, going so far as to make small talk on the way to the Ready Room. It wasn’t in the forced way that it had originally been with Jett, either. Apparently Burnham had heard a fair amount from me from Tilly. Jett joined us in the turbolift, and from there it was a short trek to the Ready Room.

I felt my stomach twist in apprehension as we neared the doors. While I had had some time to process the fact that Pike and I were in close range again, I had spent far too much of the last hour reflecting on the look he’d given me. I was distinctly out of place in the Ready Room. Not only was I the most unfamiliar with the crew, but I was still in my civvies. The Captain was already there, a PADD in hand. His eyes darted to the three of us we entered, but they quickly lowered to the device again as he said, “Commander Burnham, a word, please.” Burnham excused herself from Jett and myself, and I took the moment to look around. I ached with the familiarity - the sight of Chris’ table from Mojave in the room, along with a few other things that had made the trip over from the Enterprise. I drifted toward a window, unable to help my fingers trail over the wood of the table on my way. Jett followed at a pace, glancing at Burnham and Pike before stopping beside me. “Any idea how long Durling’ll take?” She asked. I shook my head a little. “Cornwell just said that he’d be here in a few hours.” At the sound of the Ready Room door opening, I straightened, hands tucking behind my back at attention-- And then I immediately dropped them as I scoffed, “Oh, it’s you.” “Is that any way to greet me?” Eli asked, walking deeper into the room, “You used to stand at attention, be all ‘yessir’ about it.” “I am your superior now, Durling.” “In rank only,” He retorted, coming to stop just in front of me. Despite his words, though, he was pointing that warm smile down at me, like not a day had passed or a thing had changed. And I couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto my face at his familiar gaze and teasing. After the war, Durling had been assigned to the USS Cetus, a temporary post as he awaited an official reassignment. While we spoke from time to time, I hadn't seen him in weeks. “God, I forgot what a dick you were,” Jett grumbled beside us. Eli turned to her, brows raising in surprise. “And it’s good to see you, too, Reno. Especially considering we thought--” “Oh, I know. This one got all misty on me about it,” Jett nodded to me. “Unnecessary detail,” I muttered.  “You can cry? I thought you’d gotten your tear ducts removed back on Starbase 115,” Eli frowned at me. “I would punch you if we weren’t in mixed company.” “Restraint? Wow, that’s new for you.”  We turned at the sound of someone clearing their throat behind us. Pike was there, brows raised a little. Eli smiled, turning fully from myself at Jett. “Eli Durling,” He introduced himself to both Pike and Burnham. “Commander Michael Burnham. Welcome aboard.” “Christopher Pike,” Pike tacked on as he shook Eli’s hand. Eli glanced back at me, brow raised, and I felt the urge to punch him intensify. Instead I just gave him a slight glare before averting my eyes. He knew about me and Pike. I had spent the last year with the man, we’d spent that time having one another’s backs. He knew all of my secrets— but then, I knew all of his. “We should start the briefing, the target’s nearly in range,” Pike added as dropped Eli's hand. “We’ve never run any 22-9-14s on the Discovery,” Burnham explained. “Well, you’re in luck, because the three of us ran a lot of them," Eli nodded back toward me and Jett. “Define a lot, I mean how many times did you ruin your phaser cannons after you transferred?” Jett asked. “Well,” Eli glanced back at me, “I’m not sure I have a count on the phaser cannons, but I personally ran around a hundred, and the Commander ran a number somewhere in the 300s.” “Somewhere? Where in the 300s?” Jett frowned at me. “I’m not sure that’s pertinent to this briefing, as I don’t have the same penchant for bragging that Lieutenant Commander Durling does,” I folded my arms across my chest. Eli smiled.

“Regardless, you’re in good hands,” He added, turning back to Pike and Burnham, “I’ll coordinate from the Bridge while the Commander takes care of the tagging process. Any questions?” “I’ve got one,” I piped up. “Of course you do--” “What am I tagging?” I asked over him. Eli nodded to Pike’s desk, and Pike stepped out of the way, waving his hand with silent permission. I watched as Eli walked over to it, opening a file and pulling up a holographic display of a ship. I pushed off of the wall and walked over to join him with the others, my eyes wandering the surface of the ship. “Is that a DY-100 Sleeper?” I frowned, bracing my hands on the desk to get a better look. “It is,” He confirmed, “The S.S. Botany Bay.” “You’re familiar with this craft?” Burnham asked. I glanced at her. “Few months into the war, Command was looking for craft that might be able to slip past Klingon sensors. These vessels are antiques— 20th century, decommissioned. Older metals, outdated tech, but high crew capacity.” “And the Botany Bay was used during the war?” Pike asked. I turned back to the hologram. “Only two ships were in good enough condition to shore up and get off of the ground. This was neither of them.” “Maybe it’s just being tracked for longevity, see how long it holds up,” Jett suggested. “No,” I shook my head a little, “No, Cornwell said colony when I came aboard…” I straightened up, folding my arms back across my chest, “We’re either gonna get radio silence or hear some really cryptic shit.” “That’s the spirit,” Durling clapped my shoulder, and I shot him a sidelong glance. “You realize this is gonna be a manual?” I asked him. “Ah-- No,” He laughed nervously, “No, you don’t have time for manual.” “Time or not— Look at the surface area on that thing,” I nodded to the hologram, “If this is an original sleeper class and launched back in the 1990s when they were originally being built, it’s possible that the integrity of the hull is going to be compromised. That means that the arms on the bot are going to be too rough for this task.” “What would you have to do to attach it manually?” Burnham asked.  “She’s gotta eject herself from her ship,” Jett told them. “How much does that differ from a ship-based tag?” Burnham asked. “... It’s different,” Eli tread carefully as he said so. I could feel him eyeing me critically, and I couldn’t help the way my jaw clenched as my stomach swooped with nerves. I hated manual tags the most. There were fewer safety nets: no tether, no easy way back to the ship if something went very seriously wrong--just me and a jet pack and a whole lotta hope. “Considering the fact that Command even authorized this mission in the first place, a manual attachment should be our last resort,” he added, “And who am I to argue with Command?” “Usually the second in line,” Jett answered. “Who’s first?” He frowned. There was a pause as I felt the two of them direct their gazes to me. “I resent that,” I muttered. “Which puts you in direct opposition with Commander Reno, which, given the longevity of her rank, technically puts you at odds with your superior--” Durling muttered. “O-kay.” “What are the steps that we need to get this off of the ground?” Pike asked, cutting over our bickering. I suddenly felt like a schoolkid called out for chatting in class. “Reno needs to look over craft, make sure it’s safe to fly,” Eli told him, “Your ship’s doctor needs to give our pilot a once-over as well, same reason.” I rolled my eyes a little. I was a little tired, more than a little jittery at the prospect of being behind the controls of an attack fighter again, but I had flown and been cleared for flight in worse condition. “Anything else?” Pike asked. “No,” Eli shook his head, “Barring any complications, we should be set to launch… round 1800 hours.” “If that’s the timeline, I’m gonna go get some sleep,” I straightened, “Thanks guys.” I turned away, heading for the door as I heard Durling pipe up: “Oh, and Commander?” “Yes,” I turned back, “Lieutenant Commander?” Durling took a moment, eyes sweeping down my body, then up again. “Where are we with that uniform?” I forced out a little laugh before nodding once, “I’m gonna leave now.”

-- I knew that I needed to get rest, but the prospect of a manual tag kept had set my mind racing. Instead I studied the schematics that I had available for a DY-100. And when I had determined the most appropriate position for the tag and that couldn’t quiet my mind any longer, I headed down to the shuttle bay. -- “Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Jett almost scowled at the sight of me stepping onto craft. “Not tired,” I fibbed. Jett gave me a short look before lowering herself beside the control panel. “Make yourself useful, then, pass me the magna-spanner.” I crouched down beside Jett’s toolkit and found the requested implement before passing it to her. Once I had, I sat on the floor of the craft, leaning back against the wall and looking around the small cabin. It seemed so much more confining than I remembered— crammed with measuring instruments, controls, an emergency med pack. I directed my gaze toward the hatch in the ceiling, the one I’d be pushing myself out into open space from in just a short while. “So,” Jett spoke up, “What’s the plan after this?” I smiled at the question— just like old times. “Maybe get some more pie?” I offered. “And sugar crash later?” “Mhm. It’s the risk you take when you eat the hard stuff.” “And after that?” “...Dunno. Maybe something that actually utilizes what I went to the Academy to do. You know, speak and translate something other than Klingon, work with texts and languages we’re less familiar with…” “But we put our dreams away?” “But we put our dreams away.” Jett leaned back, tossing the magna-spanner at me. I caught hold of it, depositing it in the toolbox. She humphed, “Well, you’re morose as shit, but your reflexes seem to be in good order. Should be helpful, huh, Captain?” I frowned before I heard, “Yes, it should.” My head was turned from him, and I had been focused on other parts of the ship, but I hadn’t even heard him come aboard. I glanced up at Pike to find him standing with his hands tucked behind his back. He cleared his throat. “Doctor Pollard needs to examine you,” He nodded over his shoulder. “Right,” I pushed myself to stand before glancing down at Jett, “You’re set here?” “Please leave,” Was her smiling answer. I smiled a little myself, shaking my head before following Pike off of the craft. I couldn’t help but chuckle at the way he had to duck to ensure he didn’t hit his head on the way out. A brief wave of embarrassment crested over me when he glanced back at the sound. Pollard and Eli were in the shuttle bay, not too far off from the craft. The introductions were short as I shrugged out of my jacket and tossed it to Eli. He caught it without a question or hesitation, hardly missing a word as he regaled Dr. Pollard with the story of his part in the Battle of Xisad. She seemed to only be listening out of politeness, humming in response now and again. Knowing Eli, though, this chatter was meant to distract all of us from what I was about to do. Dr. Pollard’s hand skimmed over my left shoulder blade and I jolted a little, tensing as I sucked in a sharp breath.  “Alright?” She asked. I nodded as I heard her switch to the scanner on her tricorder. “Quite a lot of scar tissue,” She added. “Caught the wrong end of a bat’leth,” I explained flatly. “Is there pain?” “No.” “Does it hinder any of your movements?” “No.” When Pollard returned her hand to that same area, fingers carefully massaging the area to ensure the truth of my statement, I held carefully still. “...Is there a right end of bat’leth?” Eli asked, breaking the tense silence from our superiors. “The side without the pointed blade would’ve been preferable,” I told him, glancing in his direction. “You’re so particular,” He scoffed, but he was smiling. I shook my head a little, feeling the tension drain from me a little. “Well, apart from a slightly elevated heart rate, everything seems to be in order," Pollard reported from behind me. “That’s not a concern?” Pike asked. “According to the Commander’s prior medical records, there is typically some uptick in heart rate prior to these particular missions. She’s fit to fly," Pollard tucked her tricorder into its holder. I gave her a small nod of thanks. “And yet not outfitted to fly. Starfleet regulation 67: an officer acting in the interests of the Federation must be in uniform to command or commandeer any vessel,” Durling rattled off. I hummed, nodding, “An excellent point, Lieutenant Commander, but you seem to be forgetting Starfleet regulation 67-A: In the event of an emergency procedure, Starfleet personnel are permitted to eschew Federation vestments as the mission demands. Or have you forgotten who that rule had to be instituted for?” Durling shuffled closer, holding my jacket back out to me as he muttered, “Can’t recall.” “Well— that’s hilarious, because I can. And I’ll be in a Starfleet flight suit, I do believe that that counts as uniform.” “It does,” Pike piped up. “Exactly— thank you, Captain.” “Anytime, Commander.” “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get changed and run through the pre-flight checklist with Jett,” I added. I thanked Pollard again before I turned, heading back to the attack fighter. Anytime, Commander. Two words. Easy. Two words that set my heart racing faster than the prospect of a manual tag-and-run did. Tag list: @angels-pie​​ ; @fantasticcopeaglepasta​​  ; @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo​​ ; @how-am-i-serpose-to-know​​ ; @onlyhereforthefandomandgiggles​​ ; @inmyowncorner​​  ; @tardis-23​​ ; @2manyfandoms-solittletime​ ; @paintballkid711​​ ; @katrynec​​​ ; @hypnobananaangelfish​​ ; @elen-aranel​​ ; @blueeyesatnight​​

[starfleetimagines]

Mobile Masterlist

I figured it might be easier for my readers to find my previous imagines if I make a mobile masterlist that I update at the same time as I update my desktop one. So here it is! I’ll add to it when I post new imagines, so it should always be up to date. Some imagines are listed in multiple series if the character is found in both - like Q or Pike, for example.

If you enjoy my work, please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi (it’s as low as $1CAD and it’ll go towards my education funds) or check out my commissions! Please check my bio and title to see if requests are open before requesting.

Alternate Original Series/The Original Series:

Being Leonard “Bones” McCoy’s younger sister would include…

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - “Have you lost your damn mind?!”

Being Jim Kirk’s twin would include…

Jim Kirk - “I can’t explain right now, but I need you to trust me.”

Jim Kirk - “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - “Were you ever going to tell me?”

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - mismatched uniforms

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - you get hurt

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - medical anxiety

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott- “That’s a promise.”

Leonard “Bones” McCoy- flirting in sickbay

Pavel Chekov - Period Cuddles

Pavel Chekov - Moving Forward

Jim Kirk - Family

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - Shore Leave

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott - Open Waters

Dating Leonard “Bones” McCoy Would Include…

Being Pavel Chekov’s Betazoid Wife Would Include…

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - Study Date

Spock and Uhura’s Wedding Would Include…

Leonard “Bones” McCoy - Dance Practice

Pavel Chekov - Set Up

The Enterprise Crew Finding Out You’re Bisexual Would Include…

Montgomery “Scotty” Scott x Jayla - Graduation

Spock and Uhura Having A Baby Would Include...

Spock - “To say that was unexpected is an understatement.”

Spock - Fireplace

Deep Space Nine:

Julian Bashir - “Cuddle me.”

Julian Bashir - “It’s almost midnight.”

Julian Bashir - “Just kiss me.”

Odo - “Are you hurt?”

Julain Bashir - “Please hold me.”

Benjamin Sisko - “How do you cope?”

Garak - “I’ll keep you warm.”

Dukat - you get hurt trying to defend him

Odo - you’re his adopted child

Miles x Keiko x Reader - Sunflowers

Julian Bashir - Insecurities

Enemies To Lovers With Odo Would Include…

Garak - Pregnant

Garak - Lulled To Sleep

Quark (platonic) - Marital Advice

Garak - “So, you like me?”

Garak - Rescue Party

Julian Bashir - Growing Family

Garak - Presents

Ezri Dax x Julian Bashir - Moving In

Julian Bashir (platonic) - Worries

Kira Nerys - Stress

Kira x Dax - Pride Month

Weyoun - “I don’t understand.”

Nog x Jake - Pleasure

Weyoun - “You’re the only one for me.” [NSFW]

Weyoun - “Please wake up.”

Enemies to Lovers With Kira Nerys Would Include...

Weyoun 6 Living on the Station Would Include...

Worf x Jadzia - “I love us.”

Weyoun - “Why did you take that shot for me?”

Cuddling With Weyoun Would Include...

Discovery:

Gabriel Lorca - “Did I stutter?”

Ash Tyler - “I need you.”

Saru - Christmas Gifts

Saru - You’re Overworked

Michael Burnham - “That was hot.”

Michael Burnham - She Saves Your Life

Saru - Confidence Boost

Christopher Pike - Longing

Christopher Pike - Longing part 2

Sylvia Tilly - Romance In Sickbay

Saru - Homesick

Ash Tyler x Michael Burnham - “Breathe with me.”

Christopher Pike - You’re In Labour

Being Saru’s First Officer and Best Friend Would Include...

Spock - “To say that was unexpected is an understatement.”

Enterprise:

Jonathan Archer - “Leave her alone.”

Malcolm Reed - you’re his sister

Trip Tucker - de-con talks

Malcolm Reed - PDA

Jonathan Archer - jefferies tube acoustics

Jonathan Archer - “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”

Jonathan Archer - “For some reason, I’m attracted to you.”

Dating Jonathan Archer would include…

Malcolm Reed - “Stop talking about the past, I could be dead in a matter of hours… make me up a future.”

Being friends with Trip Tucker would include…

Jonathan Archer - “Go then, leave! See if I care!”

Malcom Reed - “Oh my god! You’re in love with them!”

Trip Tucker - you’re shy

Jonathan Archer - “I thought you were dead.”

Malcolm Reed - you’re taken hostage

Trip Tucker - sleepless nights

Malcolm Reed - “You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

Jonathan Archer - “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”

Being Trip Tucker's  twin would include…

Malcolm Reed - “Go then, leave! See if I care!”

Jonathan Archer - dress shopping

Jonathan Archer - pillow fights

Trip Tucker being your boss would include…

Cheering Jonathan Archer up would include…

Phlox - you avoid him

Jonathan Archer - nightmares

Helping Trip Tucker in engineering would include…

Jonathan Archer - horseback riding

Malcolm Reed - cuddles after a mission

Jonathan Archer - hideouts

Malcolm Reed - “Because I love you.”

Phlox - Trip sets you two up

Jonathan Archer - “This shuttle was roomier before I realized I’m attracted to you.”

Malcolm Reed - “Can I kiss you?”

Malcolm Reed - sexting on PADDs

Phlox - you hide an injury from him

Trip Tucker - “It was just a dream.”

Jonathan Archer - “Am I dreaming?”

Trip Tucker - “I just want you to hold me.”

Malcolm Reed - Emotional Trauma

Malcolm Reed - He Sees Your Scars

Trip Tucker - “Thank God you’re okay.”

Malcolm Reed - You’re Ill

Malcolm Reed - “I don’t fit in.”

Trip Tucker - Restless Nights

Enemies To Lovers With Malcolm Reed Would Include…

Malcolm Reed - Labouring Mission

Trip Tucker - Jealousy [NSFW]

Dating T'Pol Would Include…

Malcolm Reed - Nightmares

Trip Tucker - Tension

Malcolm Reed - Destiny

Malcolm Reed - “I’m broken.”

Malcolm x Trip - Caught [NSFW]

Shran - Blue Boy

Trip x T'Pol - New Life

Malcolm Reed - The Way I See You

Malcolm Reed - Confessions

Being Trip Tucker’s Sibling and Jonathan Archer’s Partner Would Include…

Trip Tucker - Helping Hand

Being Pregnant With Phlox’s Baby Would Include...

Malcolm Reed - Destressing [NSFW]

Jonathan Archer - Too Busy

Trip Tucker - “You can’t protect me forever.”

Malcolm Reed - Mistletoe

Picard:

Chris Rios - “Thank you for not dying.”

Elnor - Quiet Time

Strange New Worlds:

Christopher Pike - Longing

Christopher Pike - Longing part 2

Christopher Pike (platonic) - Mentor

Christopher Pike - Brink of Death

Spock - “To say that was unexpected is an understatement.”

Spock - Fireplace

The Next Generation:

Falling in love with Data would include…

Dating Data would include…

Data - “Is there a special reason as to why you’re wearing my shirt?”

Data - you tell Tasha and Deanna about your crush

Worf - “You did this for me?”

Data - pet names

Data - “You never told me you had a fucking twin.”

Jean-Luc Picard flirting with you would include…

Q loving you would include…

Being friends with Worf would include…

Jean-Luc Picard - he realizes he loves you

Data - “When I picture myself happy … it’s with you.”

Will Riker - midnight visits

Will Riker being a father figure to you would include…

Data - he protects you

Data - bathing with the emotion chip

Data - you repair him

Will Riker - cuddles

Dating Wesley Crusher would include…

Data - he teaches you how to fight

Will Riker - “I’m sorry I had to kick you out when you were possessed.”

First time with Jean-Luc Picard would include…

Data - “I think I forgot how to breathe.”

Q - “You’re so hot when angry.”

Wesley Crusher - “You said my name in your sleep.”

Data - you get caught kissing

Data - hometown trip

Data - stuck on a cold planet

Will Riker- “If I die, I’m coming back to haunt you.”

Deanna Troi crushing on a girl would include…

Data - “Are you hurt?”

Reginald Barclay - Fencing

Reginald Barclay - Unexpected

Data - Teacher

Deanna Troi - Feeling Down

Data - First Meetings

Wesley Crusher - Hidden Talents

Being Will And Deanna’s Child Would Include…

Visiting Risa With Will Riker Would Include…

Will Riker - Confessions

Beverly and Jean-Luc’s Date Nights Would Include…

Data - First Date

Having Worf as a Father Figure Would Include…

Will Riker - All Partied Out

Data - “You must breathe.”

Will Riker - “I love you.”

Coming Out As Bisexual To Q Would Include…

Being Married to Jean-Luc Picard Would Include…

Worf - “What were you thinking?”

Data - Art Teacher

Beverly Crusher - “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Being a Scientist and Dating Q Would Include...

Data - “I suppose we would make a good couple.”

Voyager:

B'Elanna Torres - best friends

Going on a date with the Doctor would include…

Tom Paris - date night

Kathryn Janeway- “You’ve only heard his side of the story. You never asked for mine.”

Doctor - “I love you, you asshole.”

Harry Kim - “I thought you were dead.”

Being friends with Tom and Harry would include…

Chakotay - near death confessions

Icheb - you’re shy

Being Harry Kim’s twin would include…

Being shy around the doctor would include…

Q Loving You Would Include…

Doctor - “You did this for me?”

Being Icheb’s friend would include…

The doctor being jealous would include…

Tom Paris - kidnapped

Harry Kim - “This shuttle was a lot roomier before …”

Keeping the doctor company would include…

Q junior - “You’re hot. Shame about your personality.”

Chakotay - “You love me.”

Q - “You’re so hot when you’re angry.”

Harry Kim - mismatched uniforms

Dating Icheb would include…

Harry Kim - he proposes

Kathryn Janeway - you’re insecure

Icheb - first date

The Doctor - talent show

Harry Kim - “Please don’t go.”

Dating Q Junior Would Include…

Chakotay x Kathryn Janeway - Dancing The Night Away

Date Night With Chakotay Would Include…

Tom Paris - Old Flames

Dating Tuvok Would Include…

Dating Seven Of Nine Would Include…

Q Junior Being Jealous Would Include…

Harry Kim - You’re Tom’s Sister

Tom x B'Elanna - “I’m scared, all right?!”

Kathryn Janeway - Locked Up

Being Kathryn Janeway’s Kid and Living on Voyager Would Include…

Coming Out As Bisexual To Q Would Include…

Tom Paris (platonic) - Different

Seven of Nine - Exploring

The Doctor (platonic) - Aromantic

Comforting Kathryn Janeway Would Include…

Tom Paris - “You are enough.”

Cuddling With Q Would Include…

Kathryn Janeway - Here For You

Friends to Lovers With Chakotay Would Include...

Harry Kim - Avoidance

Being a Scientist and Dating Q Would Include...

[bloody-f4g]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Star Trek: Discovery Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Hugh Culber & Paul Stamets & Adira Tal, Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets, Michael Burnham & Paul Stamets Characters: Hugh Culber, Paul Stamets Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 03, Character Study, what do i write that isnt, Found Family, [goes feral], accurate ecology, again the author just. likes mycology and uses this to talk abt it. Summary:

reflections on the end of season 3

[mylittleredgirl]

trekathon: disco 1x04

“the butcher’s knife cares not for the lamb’s cry”:

okay

remember how in the last post i was like “context is for kings” is a title for the star trek hall of fame

“the butcher’s knife cares not for the lamb’s cry” is the opposite. banished. no joke, i stopped watching discovery when it aired the first time around for like a month because i saw that title and went “actually i am a fragile soul and i do not want to see what’s behind a door labeled the butcher’s knife cares not for the lamb’s cry.” 

which is a shame because that was a month of my life in which i did not know that michael made friends with a tardigrade the size of a small car.

EvilWatch 2255:

michael gets invited to lorca’s chamber of horrors, which features the deadliest weapons in the galaxy and what may or may not be a cardassian vole vivisected on a table

“i study war,” he explains, which -- in my experience -- is exactly what one can expect an angry white man to say when they show you the functioning arsenal they keep in their garage

i love knowing that lorca is a long-suffering mirror universe transplant because his frustration at discovery’s lack of battle-readiness makes sense in context -- he’s a military-minded captain trying to helm a science ship in a bloody war -- but it’s hilarious when you realize he’s looking around at these meek science softies like “i have seen ALL of you murder AT LEAST one person with your bare hands can you PLEASE up your game a little”

meanwhile, klingons:

i remember being surprised to learn that voq and l’rell had a love affair, so i’m keeping an eye on it this time

that’s definitely the most sexually charged removal of a dilithium processor i’ve ever seen so i buy it

i don’t know what kind of awards we should be giving these actors for creating such vibrant performances in another language under 90 pounds of latex and contacts that fill their entire eyes but uhhhh i’m fucking impressed

i recall people being WILDLY upset about the exo-cannibalism thing as non-canon, as though klingons in all series do not regularly exchange recipes for eating the hearts of their enemies

that said? toss a dollar in the tip jar of whichever writer went “you know what, this should probably be one of those tell-don’t-show narrative beats”

michael burnham must suffer:

her shoving the package under the bed and walking away as soon as she hears “last will and testament” is unfortunately the most relatable thing

petition for michael to lovingly install that magical telescope in her ready room in season 4 🔭😍 

i’m fascinated by michael and saru’s conversation when they seem to agree that she was dismissive of him (she calls herself “selfish”) on the shenzhou. i wish we’d gotten to see more of that in flashbacks so we can better appreciate how she’s grown over the series.

“you will fit in very well with captain lorca” is a lot to say when lorca has just played the audio of dying children screaming for their dying parents over the entire comm system to shame one dude

but nnngggg it’s so INTERESTING how lorca chose these mirror images of the deranged people he knew and tries to enhance the darkest parts of them.

other characters:

lines for owo!! hugh is here! 

we really should not have been surprised that detmer eventually has a nervous breakdown

honestly i love paul’s prickliness in a way i didn’t the first time around. he just wants to talk to his mushrooms and not to people, ok.

admiral cornwell is somehow already exhausted

saru like u USE me?? for my GANGLIA????

we hardly knew ye: “lorca thought you and i would make a good team,” landry says, and i can only assume that in the mirror universe their team dynamics work better than michael as the screaming voice of reason while landry tries to bum-rush an unstoppable living tank and then dies about it.

an ongoing list of ~It’s Not Canon~ things i have chosen to ignore:

“the nature of humanity is just that every so often someone accidentally invents holographic communications again” (see also: those three episodes of deep space nine; the 32nd century)

other moments of delight:

landry saying “weps are double-hot” to announce that tactical is on-line is amazing and i will now imagine tuvok saying that every time janeway asks him to ready phasers

michael getting slurped at by the tardigrade

free-range tardigrade in the spore garden!! 

[dashoftime]

Star Trek Disco 1x01 “The Vulcan Hello”

“You can’t set a course without a star.”

Just before this episode debuted on CBS in September 2017, Oprah was interviewing Trump supporters. They were pleased with his performance in office so far. It was like glimpsing into an alternate reality. I wondered, “How can we co-exist in a world with people whose perspectives are so irreconcilable with ours?” Seconds later, the Klingon messiah invaded our screens and snarled in an alien language, “THEY ARE COMING.”

And it was like, oh right! Questions like this are what Star Trek is for.

Even if you don’t watch Star Trek, you’ve probably heard of Klingons. And if you do watch, you’ve gotten comfortable with Klingons: they’re our allies, our friends. But with new make-up designs and costumes, the Klingons of Star Trek: Discovery seem frightening and unfamiliar.

T’Kuvma insists that the Federation’s promise of peace conceals an insidious agenda to eradicate their traditions. Like those Trump supporters, the Klingons now pose not just a political, but an existential challenge: How do we co-exist with what we fear?

“You do understand that being afraid of everything means you learn nothing?”

It’s a big question, and Star Trek uses a TV series, rather than a film, to explore the answer. With a series of movies, you only get two hours every few years. But a TV series affords you more time: more hours and more frequency, which means more opportunities to examine the nuances of a theme or a relationship.

Discovery has a peculiar relationship with time. Before the show debuted, I was thrilled that Star Trek was returning to TV... but cautious about the time period in which it was set. The producers claimed that “10 years before Kirk” was a window where they wouldn’t violate any pre-existing continuity. But they could have simply set Discovery in the 32nd century, after Daniels’ Temporal Cold War, and defined their own mythology.

“Be careful that your assumptions are not being driven by your past.”

Star Trek exists to comment on our world, but lately it has been fixated on its own origins, commenting on itself and reliving its past. At first glance, Discovery seems to fall into the same nostalgia trap. It is simultaneously a prequel, a sequel, a spinoff, and a reboot. I think it probably can be enjoyed as its own story, but it’s constantly aware of its legacy and legends. Each episode remixes or deconstructs familiar images or concepts from previous versions of Star Trek.

The opening credits diagram recognizable parts of Trek lore: ships, phasers, encounter suits, even gestures like the Vulcan salute. As they unravel into the constituent parts (“atom by atom,” as T’Kuvma might say) and co-mingle with other shapes, we see how these big, disparate objects are united by tiny things they share in common.

“I call it a mirror, for I see myself in you.”

That’s how Discovery distinguishes itself from Enterprise and the Kelvin movies. It brings a microscope to the things we take for granted about Star Trek, it considers their purpose and their function, and proposes new ways to use them. By breaking these things down, we can discover what they really mean and how to use them. That’s semiotics in action.

Semiotics is the study of signs and what those signs mean or signify. I love this show, ‘cause Discovery uses semiotics to deconstruct Star Trek, reinterpret its meaning, and launch it beyond its origins. It discovers new content in familiar objects, relationships, and characters. The act of redesigning the Klingons’ appearance, for instance, enables us to reconsider and modernize their history, their faith, their values and their fears. And in doing that work, we discover ourselves in what seemed unfathomably alien.

“Let’s go for a walk.”

Much of the semiotic work in “The Vulcan Hello” is based on “Journey to Babel,” a classic Star Trek episode where we meet Spock’s emotionally distant father Sarek. They haven’t spoken in years, apparently because they disagreed over Spock’s illogical choice to join Starfleet Academy instead of the Vulcan Science Academy. In Discovery, we learn that Spock had a foster sister, Michael Burnham.

It may seem strange that Spock and his family never mentioned Michael Burnham before. Yet “Journey to Babel” shows us that Vulcans rarely discuss family matters, even with each other. So the question here isn’t whether Spock could possibly have a foster sister, but rather what emotional complications compelled Spock and Sarek to never mention her? And what do we learn about Sarek (and, by extension, Spock) through this never-before-seen relationship?

“This isn’t about what happened, Sarek. It’s what’s happening now.”

For a post about Discovery, I haven’t spent much time talking about its characters, plot, or aesthetic choices. Next week I plan to talk more about Burnham herself; the staggering trust between her and Captain Georgiou; their condescension toward anxious Saru; and the holocommunicator technology that seems too advanced for the period in which Discovery is set... But for now, it feels proper to define where Discovery is situated within Star Trek. 

Roddenberry envisioned a future where humankind had evolved past our flaws. In the 24th century, there will be no internal conflict and we will work together, regardless of our differences. It’s a lovely goal. But when you enshrine a goal for too long, it becomes sacrosanct. Any deviation or misstep incites the ire of its most devout believers. There must be room for error, consideration, and atonement... even if that leniency seems to threaten the values of the goal.

“Your human tongue is not the problem. It is your human heart.”

The final frontier was never outer space. The final frontier is, was, and always has been the space between people. Star Trek, at its best, exhorts us to be bold, to make mistakes, and -- most importantly -- to own those mistakes and learn from them. That’s how we achieve Roddenberry’s utopia. It’s a process, a journey... a trek, if you will.

A special presentation of Star Trek: Discovery season 1 is currently airing in the U.S. on CBS, Thursdays at 10/9. These posts go live the following Monday.

[drstrangewillseeyounow]

Creative Year in Review 2020

I almost didn’t do this because 2020 was such a tough year in many ways, but I think it can be interesting and helpful to look back regardless.

Total number of creations? (Or a rough guess!)

I posted 10 stories on AO3 this year (strangeallure) for a total word count of 34,726 and finished 3 more short stories for a writing challenge with @teagrl.

I also made some art (edits, graphics) this year: 3 for @purimgifts and 2 for @startreksecretsanta and cover art for Mating Games.

Word-count-wise this is down significantly from 2019 (14 stories, 116k) and also lower than 2018 (12 stories, 50k).

Seeing that there’s a seven month gap between March and October, where I didn’t post anything, I can still say that the year ended on an intermittently productive note.

What characters or ships have you created the most content for this year?

This is probably the last year the answer is Michael Burnham/Ash Tyler.

It was only one story (Mating Games, 24k), but it accounted for 70% of my posted fic.

I wrote two more gen stories with a Michael POV (The Good Time and Bad Signal) and one with an Ash POV (Endure).

Was there a project that you didn’t get around to?

Of course! I had many more Ashburn ideas and wrote 3k of a Harry Potter fic that I never finished.

What was the creation you had the most fun making?

This is such a difficult question, even more so for a year where everything felt kind of hard.

I liked writing my first original short fic in ages (Immersion Report) for @purimgifts, and after a bit of a rough start, the rest of “Mistle Me This, Mistle Me That” (my first Rey/Ben Solo fic, a modern AU) came together fairly quickly. Looking back, it’s also the only truly happy story I wrote this year.

Any surprises? (E.g. a character or ship you never thought you’d create for or a project that came out of nowhere?)

Other than Mating Games (the first draft of which was actually written in 2019), I didn’t write any porn. In fact, only my first Reylo fic (posted on December 25) was shippy at all. So it was an accidental year of gen.

Also, the fact that I got into Reylo was very unexpected. I had tried reading in the fandom in 2019, but the stories I tried back then weren’t my cup of tea, but this time around, I found such a treasure trove of all kinds of fic that I went on a reading binge that then inspired me to write for the pairing myself.

What was the hardest creation to make?

Mating Games was the hardest to finish,I know that much. I stepped away from it for half a year and only finished it so I wouldn’t drag it into the new year. I was glad I went back to it and even managed to write an epilogue.

 What inspired you the most this year?

Until my Reylo reading binge (which only started in December), there was very little actual inspiration, but @teagrl kept pushing me to edit and to write and generally kept me feeling like I was still connected to fandom and writing. Thank you!

 What are you most proud of? (A creation, something you learned, etc)

I’m proud I managed to finish Mating Games and that I managed to get back in the game towards the end of the year. Other than that, I’m just glad that the year is over.

 Any goals/plans/ideas for next year?

Challenges often work for me, so I want to try and sign-up for a few (I already did for a Poetry Challenge and will sign up for @purimgifts tomorrow). I also want to establish a writing habit, although I’m still figuring out if I want to go as far as making it a daily thing. Anyway, structured output over fevered outburst sounds like a good thing.

I have started docs for several Reylo fics, so I hope to finish and post some of those.

I also have a few pages of a conduit story (Ashburn by way of Bookburn), which would be nice to finish.

And I still have hopes of finishing that Harry Potter story I started in summer.

Pick your favourite creations! (Post links and tell us why you love them!)

Mating Games (E, 24k) - I love porn as character study, and this turned out very hot (if I do say so myself) with a lot of beats specific to how I see these two characters.

Immersion Report (G, 1k) – My first original fic in a long time. I think there’s a lot of world building that feels very organic in such a short fic.

 Everyone who created/posted art, fic, gif-sets, vids, cosplay, etc., consider yourself tagged if you’d like to be. I’m curious! <3

[elissastillstands]

Writing Tag Game

Thank you for the tag, @onaperduamedee! I hope everything’s going as well as can be for you.

AO3 name: elissastillstands

Fandoms: I have fic published in Star Trek Discovery and BBC Merlin. In addition to that, I have written for Killjoys, CRA, Hannibal, and Stargate SG-1.

Fic Tropes: Friends-to-lovers, plotless fluff, character study. Let's leave it at that and not mention the purple prose.

Number of (published) fics: 11. And I only post when they’re complete.

Fic I spent the most time on: Tell Me Again About the Mountains, if going by the ratio of time to word count.

Fic I spent the least time on: Bitter Myths and Lights of No World happened quite spontaneously because they were written when I went screaming into the void about Michael Burnham for one (1) night.

Longest Fic: Of my published fics, The Sun at Noon. Of all fics, my current project, by a long, long shot (TSAN is ~30k, WIP is standing at 107k)

Shortest Fic: Corona, a little Milippa ficlet. 

Most hits/kudos/comment threads/bookmarks:

Hits - The Sun at Noon

Kudos - The Sun at Noon

Comment threads - Tell Me Again About the Mountains!*

Bookmarks - The Sun at Noon

Total word count: 117,719

Favorite fic I wrote: Tell Me Again About the Mountains. I think it is the most tightly written of all the stuff I have online. I think the strands of imagery resolve themselves into a coherent whole, I think the language expresses the characters and the scenes in a fitting way, it all just...works, in a way that I can't get a lot of stuff to do. And it is still my favorite even with the WIP in mind, even though the WIP is a milestone in terms of length and longform plotting for me.

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I've had the idea of expanding Starshine to a true multiple-POV longform S2 re-write for a while now! But that just keeps getting pushed back in favor of other things.

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: 

(This is one of the first scenes I wrote from the ol' WIP of infamy mentioned above, which is a BBC Merlin fic tentatively titled "Crave the Brush of Spring." It takes place in a dream duel. It's a little rough, but I love it inordinately)

-----

Morgana hesitates. She reaches out to touch Gwen, but her fingers pass through her cheek like they are both naught more than the white nothingness all around them. She snatches her hand back as though Gwen had burned her, shock clear on her features, and Gwen takes that moment to strike, knocking Morgana's blade to the side with her own. She steps in close and closes her free hand around something else—a well-worn wooden handle, familiar, dear. Before Morgana can regain her balance, Gwen has her knife pressed to her throat, right against her pulse.

Morgana is panting, color high on her cheeks. Her surprise gives way to a burning hunger as she surveys Gwen's face. "Good for you," she breathes. “And here I thought you loved me. Are you going to do it, my lady?”

Gwen goes still, and Morgana laughs.

“Can you do it? You're a good woman. A good queen. A good wife. You'll always be better than me, Gwen. You know what you should do.” Morgana lets her sword fall to the no-ground, and it makes a clatter like the chiming of bells before vanishing. “Think of it as a trial run for when you watch your husband kill me for my sins.”

Gwen’s heart is thudding in her chest, but her hand does not waver where she presses her knife to Morgana’s neck. Morgana looks ravenous, triumphant. “It’s not even real,” she whispers, running her tongue along her lips. “We’ll both wake up from this. It might hurt, but I daresay I won’t even bleed.” She presses her throat into the edge of the blade, exhaling from the metal’s bite, and her smile grows even wider. “Make me hurt, for all those I have hurt.”

A good woman. A good queen. A good wife. Burn the witch, for Camelot, for home and king and kingdom.

Gwen throws her knife to the side. “I am not as good as you think I am,” she spits.

She jolts awake, her heart pounding.

-----

*I love all my fics and I want people to enjoy them, but, yes, I have favorites, and yes, I feel a little like the Merlin fic I wrote in a haze of procrastination before my previous term is usurping my beloved Michael content. It's just weird what stuff will get hits unexpectedly, I guess.