#idek if this makes sense or is even a little coherent but whatever it makes sense to me

[queeryu-u]

ryujin x f! reader. smut

so i’m back with this out of the blue as usual, hope you enjoy whatever this is (a desperate ryujin trying to make u feel good). for me, here she’s a sub! top or service dom ?? if that makes sense, maybe a switch idek but whatever she’s just a mess and we’re here for it!

men and minors dni!!!

ryujin has been a little too desperate and needy today, her mind filled of thoughts of filling you up with her strap, making you shiver with overstimulation. it is why once she’s home and you’re not there, she’s is so sulky and whiny, knowing you went shopping because you texted her asking what she wanted but even though she knew you’ll be there soon, she couldn’t control herself and dropped her things next to her on the sofa quickly, lowering her sweatpants. she knew she was needy, and wanted to take her frustration upon you, that’s why she tried to tease herself slowly above her panties, shuddering when she pressed her palm over her now soaked core, touching herself gently and closing her eyes, bucking up her hips when she started touching her clit faster, guttural moans leaving her mouth thinking of you, of you riding her, meeting her hips with yours in harsh movements, but in reality it was just her humping her own frantic hand.

her mind was taking her places that made her push her panties aside and finally touch her own wetness, at this point even her shirt was lifted as she pinched her nipples too. she was so hot and bothered, moaning your name and spreading her slick across her folds. that’s the sight you came across when you opened the door, humming in approval when you locked your eyes together, smirking at her mess and fucked up state. you waited no time in dropping the few things you bought on the floor, walking to her while she was still playing with herself but slowed down her pace.

“mhm.. couldn’t wait for me darling?” you whispered in her ear, kissing her jaw after with wet kisses, sensing her trembling and out of breath, so you replace her hand with yours and hiss at the contact of your skin with her soaking pussy. “so good for me baby, so fucking wet already just thinking about me”.

“d-don’t tease, please” her chest was heaving as you rubbed her faster, pushing her head back and moaning every time louder when your tongue enveloped one of her buds, groping her other tit. “y/n! eat me the fuck out. please, i’m so, so close”

you slapped one of her inner thighs hard, shutting her up but still did what was asked lowering your face between her legs “poor thing is so needy, i want you to tell me what were you thinking about while i eat this pretty pussy or else you won’t be coming any time soon”. you took her panties and sweatpants off of her in one go and lifted her legs to press to her chest and dived right into her soaking wet pussy while you stared at her reaction in awe, at the same time telling her with your eyes she needed to start talking.

so she tried her best to be coherent with her words and thoughts, difficult with being tongue-fucked at the same time. “oh my god. i was thinking about- about you. ahh, about wrecking and fucking you senseless with my cock, opening you up really good” her cheeks were flushed and her voice hoarse with what you were doing to her and embarrassment fueling her body.

even though she was now the wrecked one, that didn’t stop you to moan in her pussy, the vibrations making it worse for her as her legs shake so bad, feeling you clenching around nothing with her words, fucked up voice and state, looking at her so intensely before touching yourself, diving in deeper and sucking on her clit so hard she closed her legs, her strong thighs on your head, and that pushed you to be almost nose in deep, whining on her and rubbing her clit non stop as she came so hard in your mouth, her hips twitching as you helped her through her orgasm and her legs fell to your sides. you were soothing her with light touches on her skin; on her inner thighs, her abdomen and kissing every bit of it as your kisses climbed up through her chest, her collarbone, neck and finally, crashing your lips on a slow kiss.

she could taste herself on you and giggled a bit between the kiss because of it, as you held her in your arms knowing she needed to be assured after such an intense orgasm. anyways, she had other plans and made you know them as her tongue came in contact with yours, heating up the kiss and touching your sides. she pushed you into the sofa making you lay on your back, crawling above you as she continued on kissing you passionately, lips crashing with no rest making you even more needy than before, so you separate the kiss to be able to lift your top as quickly as you could but your girlfriend stopped you.

“let me, baby” she kept her intense gaze connected with yours, lowering her mouth with kisses and licks all over your neck, collarbone and the exposed part of your chest that showed through your tank top. you usually wore no bra and today was no different, already aroused she licked your nipples over the fabric making you gasp and grip into her shoulders, at the same time she pulled down your tank top just a little to expose your breasts, making her hum in approval as that helped to keep them in place and lifted them a little bit. she twisted one of the buds with her fingers as her tongue lapped the other, squeezing them as hard as she could so she could hear your pretty moans for her.

“f-fuck, ryujin. be a good girl for me and just fuck me, please” something changed on her demeanor and wrinkled your top instead of taking it off, it felt rougher, hotter and made you more exposed just for her. she was fast removing your shorts and panties, desperate to comply and to be as closer as she could be with you. she looked at you again, her face flushed and expectant as she teased with her fingers between your pussy lips so slow, what gained and instant reaction of you bucking your hips.

“you’re dripping for me, aren’t you baby?” she pressed onto your clit, smirking at you “i’m going to fuck you real good, been thinking about it nonstop” she started rubbing in circles your clit with her thumb as her other fingers collected your arousal and spread it through your slit as if it was necessary “you’re so fucking hot” she looked at you with hazy eyes, as she pressed the pads of her fingers into her mouth, licking them clean “and taste so sweet for me darling”.

that made you gulp, already kind of breathless because of her constant teasing, which made you hornier and needier as she knew what she was doing. when you were about to tell her something, she had already grabbed firmly one of your thighs and positioned between your legs, sitting and connecting your wet cunts together which won a moan out of both of you. she tried to regain her composure, but failed terribly, she was extremely hot all over and started to hump against you frantically.

she grabbed one of your tits as she rode your pussy, so much arousal gathered between the two of you, the room was filled with the sound of her pussy squelching against yours. her thrusts were erratic, searching for friction against your clit and whining once she found it, making your legs tremble. you slapped her ass, to bring her to the edge and moved your hips to meet hers. it was so rough but you never felt any more relieved, even though you could feel yourself dripping even more, making the slide easier.

“you’re always so good to me ryu, i’m so- damn close” she gasped for the praise, her brain turned into smush as everything she thought about was to make you feel good, to make you come and scream her name, continuing to move against you senseless, as she pursued your lips for a kiss. it was so messy, so rushed but intense giving the position, she hummed and then put your heads together gasping for air.

“mhm, i- i want to feel you. ahh, i want to feel you squeezing around me, fuck” she pushed two fingers into your eager hole, hissing when the tight walls sucked her digits in and exactly as she wanted to, she could feel your cunt tightened around her fingers with a gush of wetness which made her feel so eager and close to her high, too. she moved them as she could, her non existent rhythm based pure on her desperation as her hips did “cum, cum for me please, i need it so bad”

your whole body was shuddering at this point, your eyelids trying to stay open to look at her, to registre the way her face falls apart the moment her orgasm hits her, she’s bubbling nonsense now when seconds after her, you feel your orgasm crashing down on you too, saying her name like a prayer the moment you release the liquid spurting out of you between both of your cunts, eyes screwed close when she helps you going through it playing with your clit, moaning the instant it became too much and her hands turned away from you so as she did, falling to your side and reaching for you to held you close.

you kissed her nose before going for her lips, cuddling and needing each other warmth even when you felt sticky, but for now what mattered was reassuring each other “thank you my darling, you did more than enough. fuck, i still feel on cloud nine to be honest” both of you laughed, knowing it was true, due to the intense ecstasy you went through. so you just kissed softly, admiring the way her lips were so swollen and reddened, but it was what made you go for more, showing through your kisses your pure adoration and love for her.

[everybodyshusband]

Ok so I'm not really back to normal but I'm gonna ignore my tummy for a couple minutes in favour of talking to you because I've been dying to send another ask after your wonderful responses!!!

I'll send it in sort of bullet points bc idek if anything I'm saying is even coherent and this might be easier for you to understand? (Or it might not, I'm sorry) In my brain everything makes sense but then sometimes when I say it out loud or write it it's like "what the hell is she saying rn?" So here I go:

- that bit you wrote about swiss and Copia with the soap and swiss stops swearing even when not regressed... oh, it has my heart... Poor baby, I hope Copia makes it up to him with lots of cuddles! I can imagine them laying in bed, Swiss with his head on Copia's chest, as Copia kisses his forehead/hair/nose/whatever he can reach, and promises it's never going to happen again over and over until swiss believes him and eventually falls asleep... (He even drools a little in his sleep, but don't tell him shhhh)

- I understood what you meant about the part I thought I didn't understand in the rain fic! Ugh every time I read that fic I just wanna give him the biggest hug my poor baby... Their dynamic in that fic is so "it's rotten work" 'not to me, not if it's you' I'm screaming and sobbing about it 😭🥹😍

- I will literally always enable you to ramble about any of your fics! Anything! I'm interested!!! I promise!!!! Anything you want to bring up??? Guess what!? I'm all ears!!! Always!!

-not gonna lie I felt pretty shitty all day bc of my tummy (and still do) but your super sweet responses and thinking about sending you an ask kept me a bit motivated (and distracted from the fact that tomorrow is Monday and I gotta work 😭) so thank you!

- I wanted to ask if there's a specific fic that's close to your heart or one that you like a bit more or one you wish got more attention? Because I'll get my greedy lil paws all over it in like 2 seconds flat and start discussing it... I think I've read everything you've posted but I wanna hear your thoughts on your own stuff too!! 💓💓💕💗💗💖💖💗

You're probably sleeping rn and you'll probably see this tomorrow so I hope you slept well and the day ahead is good to you! 🩷

ooh, my darling anon, i've been hoarding this and all your other asks for much, much too long, i am so, so sorry !!! please know i love and appreciate each and every one of your kind words, even if it takes me a very long time to respond 💙

under the cut because of length, haha :'D

i hope that by now your tummy has settled down a bit, i'm sorry this bout of stomach issues seemed to hit you so hard :0 (oh, and don't worry ! your asks always make perfect sense, my friend !!)

don't worry, after the incident, copia makes sure to give soooo much extra love and care to swiss. that ghoul is not escaping those cuddles from copia without plentiful doses of extra love and chaste forehead, cheek and nose kisses, haha !! copia is so very willing to reassure swiss that he's safe and that it won't happen again, you're right (and you're also very right in that swiss drools right onto copia's papal vestments, but not to worry, the stain comes out ...eventually)

ah !! i'm glad it's making more sense now :D i have a chronic case of the "does not write the things in his head into the actual fic" haha !! i agree that rainy deserves all the hugs in the world, it's a very icky headspace for the poor little guy to be in and he deserves so many hugs for doing his best to navigate it. whether or not he accepts the hugs though is another story entirely...

again, i hope your tummy is feeling better by now. or maybe it's been long enough that you've cycled around into another rough patch ? ooh, i hope not. but either way, i'm sending you so many good tummy vibes, hehe <3 (and maybe you'll take solace in the fact that as i'm answering this, tomorrow is a wednesday rather than a monday ?)

ooooh, that's difficult, haha !! the rain fic you mentioned before is the one that's closest to my heart at the moment, i think. but i'm also quite attached to my most recent ficlet with regressed aeon and zephyr because oh my goodness, i love their dynamic and i want to explore it as much as i can, hello ?!? and then on the complete other side of the spectrum i'm very proud of this t4t raindrop filth, haha !! i think because they're all my newest works i haven't had the time to build up an "ew, what was i thinking !??!" response to them, so i'm still feeling very good about these three. and by the looks of it, other people seem to like them as well, which is a nice bonus :)

thank you very much again for your lovely asks, anon 💙 they make me smile and brighten my day every single time i look at them !! i hope life has been treating you well, my dear, and i hope that you have a wonderful day/night depending on where you are in the world 💙

[craqueluring]

Dialogue from Hannibal, Tome-wan, 2x12 / Hannibal, Relevés, 1x12 / Ko No Mono 2x11 / Mizumono, 2x13 / Secondo, 3x03

"The traumatized are unpredictable because we know we can survive"

[three--rings]

Kinnporsche ep 14 liveblog

My thoughts as I watch the finale.  Warning a lot of them are complaining about the execution.  I’ll write something coherent later about the show as a whole.

Okay, so once again I’m super confused with how this show cuts between scenes.  Porsche went off with Vegas on his bike, then got into the main family’s house, put a gun to Korn’s head, then somehow directly after the cliffhanger ending of “your mom was my sister” he’s at his own house on Vegas’ bike again?  Like...maybe we find out this is a flashback before he confronts Korn but I don’t have faith in that given past instances of this in the show. 

This makes no sense....grr, anyway okay.

Okay I’m sorry but Porsche’s father getting shot was like the most fake getting shot reaction I’ve ever seen. 

Oh, okay I guess this is a flashback okay fine show point to you. 

So...do we believe Korn?  IDK IDK.  And I mean that would be truly shitty for Porsche, to find out his mom killed herself and left him and his brother alone.  Somehow I don’t quite buy it. 

So...he’s just dead?   Great so now Porsche stressed Kinn’s dad into death?  Fantastic.

And now he was poisoned?  Show you have GOT to be better about giving the audience information.  Seriously, like plot is NOT what this show does well.  Am I watching this show for Serious Mafia Drama?  No, no I am not. 

If this whole episode is Mafia Plot there better be some sex at the end.

By “head of our branch” does Chan mean Porsche?  Cause like isn’t he officially not a bodyguard anymore?  If not Porsche then I have no idea who he means.  See, this is what I’m talking about this shit is so fucking poorly written and confusing.  Oh wait, does he mean Pete?  Sigh.  Extra confusing by the next scene where Vegas tells Porsche he has to decide.  Decide WHAT precisely?

Oh, Vegas, what is Pete going to think when you just murdered all his friends.  Also fun watching the dead bodyguards breathing while we get the tragic last cigarette.

Yunno, maybe if you paid less for homoerotic bodyguards and more for like basic security like elevators you can lockdown this wouldn’t happen.

Fucking KINN.  I knew that was coming with other gun, but like COME ON.

30 guys and they all suddenly don’t have bullets?  I’m sorry this is just a level of cheese I can’t take.  I’m honestly TRYING here.  But come on.  Surely we could come up with a better way to make this a knife fight.

Suddenly we’re in Home Alone...okay.  Like, I can’t even figure out what the tone of this is supposed to be anymore. 

CHAY!  You did NOT just put headphones on your hair dye infused hair.  WTF.

Does Chay even know Kim is there?  He’s just gonna turn around from his product placement spot to find a bunch of corpses?  WTF Kim.

Okay thank you Vegaspete for giving me the first scene in this episode I’ve really enjoyed.  I love unhinged bloody-mouthed Vegas declaring his love to the man beating him up, kissing him, and then immediately ducking and running.  And Pete is just majorly confused.  Saving Vegas’ life by shooting him a little, beating him bloody, just...poor confused boy. 

Okay, points for me not really seeing Korn still being alive and REALLY not seeing Porsche’s mom still being alive. 

Okay but like clearly there’s something Korn doesn’t want known and that’s why he shot Gun right then.  And the Vegas standoff was so silly, like sure that’s how that would have gone down with mafia dudes.  But honestly, I’m like mostly in this for Vegaspete now which I would NOT have foreseen a handful of episodes ago. 

Bible is really skilled as an actor, though, damn. 

I just don’t EVEN know what to say about Kinn and Porsche and his mom and Korn and like that’s such a mess IDEK.

Okay, so LOVE the Vegaspete scene again.  Except for the part where Vegas gets shot.  Actually probably will love that part too because I don’t believe he’s dead.  Pete’s screaming after was a little unfortunate but whatever.

I kinda saw this coming way back when, that Porsche was going to be expected to be Kinn’s right hand like Gun was to Korn. 

Chay, baby boy that shit’s been on your hair so long you’re gonna be bald. 

Time jump??  Okkkaaay

Well my cat Weasel, who is very musical, enjoyed Kim’s song.

Yeah okay so S2 bait I suppose. 

Oh hey credit song in English!  Neat.

OMG why are Vegaspete the actual cutest? Why do I feel more about them than Kinnporsche at this point? 

God IDK IDK, this episode was messy and not playing to the show’s strengths, which are character and romance rather than plot and action.  As for the show as a whole, I’ll write something about that later.

I’m a little disappointed?  But it’s been a ride and I’ve mostly enjoyed it and I hope we do get S2 (which considering the success I can’t imagine we won’t.)

Not sure how they’ll actually make a S2 fully interesting but there’s enough plot hanging to I guess make it work. 

[andimackfaneditsss]

ABOUT THAT KISS BETWEEN HARRY AND GIL IN DESCENDANTS 2, THE SCENE THAT WAS CUT

****NOT ANDI MACK RELATED BUT I’VE GOTTA GET THIS OFF MY CHEST**** I’ve seen drama queens/kings, people. On both sides. There are those who are so far in their homophobia that they say things like “NoT hOmOpHoBiC BuUuUuUuT ThAt Is S o GrOsS, I hAtE LgBt!!!” And then there are those who are claiming they’d suddenly watch a movie they haven’t given a single thought to all this time if THAT kiss was kept in “I hOnEsTlY wAsN"t EvEn GoInG tO wAtCh It In ThE FiRsT pLaCe BuT lIkE i ToTaLlY wOuLd HaVe HaD iT bEeN kEpT iN”. Why say you hate a group of people if you claimed 0.2 seconds ago that you’re not a hater? Why admit you weren’t going to even watch a movie, have no interest in it whatsoever, but if two guys kissed you’d suddenly be a fan because of that - not even focusing on the characters or story just the “progressive”? As someone who’s part of the LGBT+ community, I can honestly say, personally, I don’t care. The movie was good without the scene, it most likely would have been good with it too. I don’t think that scene affects anything. Now if it were a kiss between Mal and Evie - heyyy😉😘! But let’s acknowledge that if it were a romantic kiss, it wouldn’t have made sense anyway. Not to their characters. Or to the story, for that matter. Heck, I was shipping Uma and Harry and all I got was this kiss between Mal and Ben so you can assume I’m still lowkey salty about this. Now if it were a silly kiss, one exchanged out of random air when Harry is being Harry (a.k.a. a pirate who’ll kiss anything with lips), obviously it’d make sense. He’s silly anyway in the movie so that would be appropriate to his character. I can even picture Gil shoving him away, wiping his mouth in disgust. It’d be pretty funny in all honesty. But a romantic kiss between the two? Nah, that wouldn’t make sense. Harry seemed to be into Uma anyway (even though there was no kiss😒). Now because I mentioned this earlier and I’ve made it clear I’m big on things being coherent, I will address this: no it would not make sense if Mal and Evie kissed. Would it be great? Heck yes! I would explode from excitement!! But it just wouldn’t make sense….to the kids. In my opinion it’s easy (though that’s debatable) to explain to kids that sometimes boys like boys and girls like girls, but anything else is a bit harder to explain - fathom as a child. Though times are changing sooo idek. This is just my opinion, going off what I’ve witnessed of the kids in my own life. As adults, Evie liking Doug but then suddenly admitting a crush on Mal would make sense and we’d label her Bisexual or Pan, possibly. But to a kid, that’s just really hard to fathom and accept. Now, kids are not innately homophobic or even such a thing for not being able to accept that a guy could like a guy, they’re kids and even kissing can be disgusting until they’ve gotten a little older. But still, I’d be against it (for the kids!) but then I’d be for it (because logically it can happen!) so that’s where I stand with that. It’s all kinda ambivalent. Idk… And no, I don’t think Disney is homophobic simply for taking out this scene, I’m sure there are many more (or at least a few besides this) that were cut too, and clearly recent moves they’ve taken with certain shows and movies and characters on those shows/movies have proven they’ve been wanting to be more diverse. Keep in mind, however, they are a big company and the way to get more viewers and more money because of ratings is to somewhat cater to the larger part of their audience - who are heterosexual. Not all kids may be uncomfortable with two guys kissing but certainly a majority of parents would. But if Disney really did remove the scene due to it not making sense, story wise, then that’s fine and completely reasonable too. Whatever the reason, it’s out, let’s get over it. (But let’s just please make Cyrus Goodman canon gay, k Disney?) One more thing I’d like to address! Some people have said it’s good it was taken out because kids don’t yet know about sexuality……but don’t they though? Heterosexuality is presented in nearly everything Disney, yes, even in Descendants 2 with literally everyone who’s crushing on someone or in a relationship. As I’ve said before, it’s easy (and yes debatable) to explain to kids that sometimes boys can like boys and girls can like girls. Keyword: like. As in “crush on”. That doesn’t have to be sexual. You could crush on someone at 5 y/o! It isn’t sexual to kids, WE as adults sexualize everything and THAT has got to stop. If homosexuality shouldn’t be displayed in any Disney film or show simply because it involves the word “sex” in its orientation then, hey, let’s ban hetero"sex"uality as well, why don’t we! Nothing really to do with the movie as much as it is with common sense……..it just really ticked me off.

[ffxvhoe]

Hello there! I was wondering what your opinion on all the chocobros was! Like who's your favorite, your bae, least favorite, etc ❤

zcoh my oh my, i wasn’t sure how much detail you wanted this to be but it’s uh....gonna be a bit long i think

so my favorite character to lust after would probably be gladio, like if i were to label anyone as my bae it’d be him largely bc i feel like he’s the most...idk...dynamic?? out of everyone?? like he can be soft, he can rough, he can really just fill all your needs.  ofc that’s not to say that the other bros aren’t dynamic, it’s just in my head and the way i headcanon things he’s the one with the most depth in my opinion.

HOWEVER

prompto, in terms of like canon and shit is like HE’S GOT THE SHIT THAT GET’S ME GOING LIKE HE’S GOT WHAT I LOVE WHICH IS A BACKSTORY THAT MESSES ME UP AND GIVES ME SO MUCH TO WORK WITH WHEN HEADCANONING STUFF AND PLOTTING like i’m such a slut for characters that have tragic backstories bc there’s just so much that you can freaking do with that ya know? like there’s so many ways that you could just fuck this kid up even more it’s gREAT

so that being said, gladio is my bae, but prompto is my favorite character...idek if that makes sense but ye

ignis i’m like...not really about like i just don’t know enough about him and didn’t feel any kind of draw to him...unTIL HE WENT BLIND BC AGAIN I’M A SLUT FOR BRINGING CHARACTERS PAIN (like it’s a helluva good thing i don’t rp anymore for the sake of my caracters lmaooo) so yeah, basically what’s to know is that i don’t particularly care much for ignist until he becomes older!ignis with the scar cause that’s when the character has a little more fun to offer me (also older!ignis is 10x more attractive than regular ignis tbh)

noct i’m kinda just...indifferent about??? like idk i don’t find any sort of pull to his looks or his character.  for me there’s just not a whole lot he has to offer in terms of plots and headcanons??? that’s not to say that i don’t like him or anything or that i don’t appreciate his story it’s just there’s nothing really there for me to work with so idk. i don’t hate him but i don’t have any sort of containable love for him

and so now...this next part may not make a lot of sense and doesn’t have to do with the chocobros but i’mma explain. i absolutely HATE ardyn HOWEVER he’s one of my most favorite characters in the game.  from the strict view of him making all of my bbs’ lives harder like yeah i fuckin hate the bitch, but from the perspective of character writing and shit??? THIS MAN’S SO INTERESTING!! first of all, his backstory can be molded to be something so so cool and fun in a really fucked way (i wish there would’ve been more about him in the game that would’ve been gr8 but whatevs i guess) and like the whole hallucination thing??? THAT’S SO COOL!! if you were to ever write some sort of fic, you could have so many different options for how ardyn fucks shit up and you could come up with so much stuff about how his mind works or something esPECIALLY BC HE WAS IMMORTAL LIKE DUDE IMMORTAL PPL ARE SO FUN TO WRITE BC THERE’S ALWAYS SO MUCH ROOM FOR SUFFERING TO BE INVOLVED !!!!

but yeah i’mma just cut myself off now bc i can feel a rant coming on and i don’t know how coherent it’ll end up being lol but yeah, there’s my thoughts on the incredibly lovely chocobros

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

[gliminal]

Very late, as is my "brand"

Ever since you made your "call out post" There are things I've wanted to say that I wasn't sure if I should. I've decided that maybe for once in our relationship we should clear up any misconceptions. You probably don't even remember what you said in that little rant of yours. I suppose it doesn't really matter.

Anyways, allow me to clear up a few things:

1. you feel that I mistreated you during our friendship. okay. In my memory I was the one who was being mistreated and abused. I think this is a testament to how fucked up our relationship was. I'd like to believe we both loved and cared for each other (heck, I still love and care for you), unfortunately we both failed to understand and/or provide that love in the way the other needed.

2. In my view I did not push you away or end the friendship. I noticed you become more distant around when you started the IB program. All I did was decide to stop fighting to keep a dying friendship alive and as much as I miss you I don't regret the decision I made to let you go. Our relationship was toxic. Frankly, I'm 90% sure we were both jealous of each other.

3. Anything you see on here regarding me, my emotions, or my mental health are ONLY ONE PART OF A PICTURE. yeah this is where I come to rant. it always has been. even before I introduced you to the cite. before you started actively using it. You don't see my day to day. you don't see my genuine smiles and the laughs I share with the friends who actually try to understand me. And whatever you think I'm afraid of you disclosing to my family??? They almost for sure already know. We like to share and be honest with each other.

4. where in the world did you get the notion that I post things on here for notes????? I could not care less how much attention a post gets. I come on here to look at pretty pictures, relatable jokes, and to talk about my feelings at mass of strangers who probably aren't even gonna read it. I made the second blog for your benefit actually. I knew you followed me so I made somewhere else I could be sad. if I blog something to both it's cuz I think it fit the aesthetic of both blogs. the witch blog has nothing to do with "a sense of community" I just wanted to keep those posts without ruining my other aesthetics 💁🏾‍♀️

5. Honestly this is the biggest thing that got to me and reminded of exactly why we aren't "besties" anymore: I'm depressing? I make YOU depressed???? LOLOLOL SCREW YOU BEX. you don't have any idea what it means to be depressed. Do you have any idea how selfish you sound when you complain about my mental illness making you upset? how you hope that it makes me feel guilty? as if the constant dosage of guilt and self loathing I get from having a brain that doesn't function properly isn't enough? Yes, I'm taking meds and doing counseling and all the shit I'm supposed to do to get better but it's not something that just magically goes away?? it takes a whole lotta effort and a WHOLE LOTTA TIME. My brand is coherent mess? you're absolutely right! hell yeah it is cuz it's all I can manage and it's a hell of a lot better than just a plain fucking mess. One day if I can make it to coherent and functional then you better believe I'll be rebranding. Seriously if bothers you that much unfollow me. please.

I'm not going to try to fit years of unspoken feelings in this post. I just want you to understand that no matter how much I love you, we weren't meant to be friends. I know you hated me when we first met. we should have taken a sign from all the years of camp filled with silent treatments. instead, both of us always relentlessly stubborn, fought it. We fought hard, but we were never going to be truly compatible. For every laugh we shared there were just as many tears. I know it pisses you off that I came to this school. I don't regret that either. (btw, I never viewed you differently after I got in. I just questioned their acceptance process. I could have told you that if you hadn't pushed me away. the entire show choir could have told you that when I cried that whole day at competition.) I like it here. I've been surrounded by white people all my life. idek know what I'd do at a black school. and yeah BYU has it's issues, but I greatly value the experiences I'm having here. We started going our separate ways junior year. it just took us a while to accept.

Anyways, I just needed to get all that off my chest. Congratulations on graduation! I look forward to watching you continue to succeed! At least now we can go about our lives without worrying about being in each other's shadow. I love you and wish the best :) Let me know when you release The Supers- I'll pre order it.

@catdaddypls

[horrible-monstrosity]

Punchy-liney episode seven: Clever writing is doing the same thing over and over again and explaining every little bit of it every single time.

Seriously, this is dumb.

So the entire point of the fucking time loop plot is you're supposed to be trying to fight fate, change the future, fight against inevitability, right?? So of course the fucking first thing you need to have is a furry little plot device showing up and telling you you can't change anything except what's arbitrarily allowed, which is... so far nothing, becaue the plot says so and the writers are too god-awful to actually write a scenario where the scenario itself has something working against the main character to make achieving their goal difficult, so we have to have a "because I said so" roadblock shoved in there. FUCK.

So it's just a bunch of Yuuta hanging around going "oy boy wow i sure do remember then this happeninged" and fucking doing nothing of value. Except, you know, doing the same shit we've already seen OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

Yoota gets all fucking upset over writing the stupid fucking pun in the stupid book because it means so muuuuuuuuch- no, it fucking doesn't, you only saw it briefly once just about an hour ago from your point of view and it's some dumb shit anyway. Just draw a bunch of dicks in it.

So this random apartment of grils and their fucking friendships is the most iipootaat thing in the universe? Why? Boy it sure would have been nice if these assholes had been, like, developed into interesting likeable characters during the first half of the show or something, right?? How the fuck's this supposed to stop the fucking meteor

So is the only reason the previous Yuutas have failed because they didn't follow the cat's orders well enough? Not because of any actual challenges but because following instructions is just too damn hard? What the *fuck*?

Yuuta tries to keep his ghost self from blowing up, goes into Ito's room... she immediately goes full retard, not even just over the panty shot but trying to take the door of its fucking hinges just because it wouldn't immediately open. What the fuck? Why are we supposed to like this psycho again? And then he gropes Juicey's juicy tiddies and that doesn't activate his power even though a fucking picture of lil babby pumpkin panties did because why Speaking of plot devices that make no damn sense, how does ghost-Yuuta's quantum ghost time-travel work when someone can see him? Or are we just going to ignore that plot hole because now-Yuuta saved ghost-Yuuta from blowing his top all of once? And why did he even bother to try and save ghost-him? He knows there's no point... unless the way the quantum bullshit works means he'd actually get the meteoric bad end his ghost self could just go back from, BUT IF THAT WAS THE CASE THEN HE WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ON THE ROOF AT THE END OF EPISODE SIX... GUIGSUUESIUUUEUEEUUURRRRRRRRRFGGHFGGFFGFh

And then suddenly becoming Ubermensch Aryan why the fuck did they call it that anyway just fucking inexplicably changes the way your soul is attached to your body in some overly complicated way that's just explained to the audience in way too much dialogue, because the plot of this show was written without any mind to actual coherency and we have to explain how the one thing happened one way one time and another way the other time so we have to add in ad-hoc """explanations""" later on and pretend it's all really genius. Better yet with the body swap reveal coming up at some point they could have just handwaved this somehow for now and had it later turn out that event left Yuuta's soul (as well as Juice-tan and the other one) less well-attached to the body it's currently in than a normal person's. YOU KNOW, SOME MOTHER FUCKING FORESHADOWING.

Oh, actually just kidding. I paused the episode to write that and something dumb happened immediately after I hit play

"Don't you remember, that one time you switched bodies with a bunch of your closest friends you never saw again after that?" You'd think someone, anyone, would have fucking mentioned this before, or fucking alluded to it, or the mere fact of its factuality would have exerted some influence on the events that followed from it... but no, not really. Just, fucking... casually remember that one time something fucking extraordinary happened that has a huge impact on the plot that we haven't even mentioned up until now. Ha ha.

NO, DON'T FUCKING EXPLAIN THE FUCKING SIMPLE OBVIOUS THING THE MAIN CHARACTER JUST DEMONSTRATED HE FUCKING REMEMBERS ANYWAY LIKE IT'S ANYTHING FUCKING INTERESTING AT ALL WHILE MAKING IT SOUND ACTUALLY COMLPICATED. You know what fucking happened here? All that fucking happened is the writers made a fucking Excel spreadsheet, right, they filled in three fucking rows of the sheet with the kids' names, and then they fucking... rotated... the list... once........... HOW CAN THIS BE SO FUCKING BAD???? This isn't the slightest bit complicated aside from the overwrought bullshit surrounding and enabling it while obfuscating the gaping plot holes that exist in what the writers want to do... because, I don't know, they're too fucking hackish to rework their simplistic fucking immediate ideas to work with a coherent underpinning. The fucking reveal was these three kids who we know little to nothing about and have NO FUCKING REASON TO CARE ABOUT got their souls shuffled around in a fucking obvious fashion (because there's only three of them and there's only two ways it could have possibly come out), and that's... it. That's... really fucking boring as your ultimate plot reveal. This is not worth all the fucking convoluted fucking shit that was required to justify it.

Like, here, let me just make this immediately better: Juice-tan is wimpy girl in pink-haired girl's body, the other one is pink-haired girl in the one guy's body- yeah, we leave those alone- but the trick is, Yuuta isn't Pine (what the fuck sort of name is pine anyway by the way) but some random blank-slate or even non-human soul that got succed into the wimpy girl's body when the crash happened. And the first thing that soul saw was the newly minted Juice-tan, who was traumatised and amnesiac due to what just happened and thus didn't recognise this used to be her body, leaning over (him/her/zip/zoom) and going all "are you okay??"... and thus the first character trait Yuuta develops is being in love with this girl. And Pine is the cat or something. NOW FUCKING LOOK AT THIS SHIT. You just fucking develop the three kids as close-knit frienbs (though that would help no matter what the plot was), then you have this tragedy where the group can never get back together again, one of them's gone and another's a psycho villain, but despite this the remaining member finds new love in an unexpected place or something.

And yeah, it really just was a random fucking car accident that caused this, except the car also got struck by lightning! Why'd they all go Uber at that time anyway? Was the car they were taking an Uber service?

8: oh boy more same thign oh wow yuuta didn't even go into the apartment to find pantsu he just went in there for no fucking reason and H-A-P-P-E-N-E-D to find them wow such good much writing w o w

is the villain's fucking "you wouldn't unerstaaaaand" plot just a muh next stage of human evolution plot? fuckin seriously? this is some fucking baby shit. this is babby's first villainous motive. this show doesn't fucking deserve to be compared to Higurashi with this shit

oh look more fucking tragic robot girl flashbacks and she repeats the thing about making gril a superhero and a superhero organisation with only one member that we've already fucking heard but now it's sad tn: "punch" means "five" in hindu

Turns out Yuuta casually broke a man's limbs offscreen, because even men with vaginas randomly turn into fucking psychopaths when le cutey gril is in danger. Also breaking a man's limbs your damn self is okay but just two people dying who you don't even fucking know and who nobody you know likes is just sooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaddd And then they try to play up the cat as sooo evil for saying "two lives are less important than seven billion!!" when... Yuuta just broke a man's limbs with his own damn hands... jesus christ

epitoad 9: "why did you keep this to yourself all this time, Pine?" "lol idek" Juice-tan and Yuuta have an """emotional""" reconnection where he tells her something he knew all this fucking time and could have said whenthefuckever he felt like it but just didn't feel like it I guess so now yuuta can just try really hard not to instantly cum when he sees a panties and it just somehow works now. as if we needed this to make any less sense. yuuta goes and talks to a random bunch of leading physics-cists and they actually give him the time of day for whatever reason. all to know nuke bombs don't work in space. just look that shit up online  dumbass

... It's amazing how much more pathetic some of these scenes are from the "proper" angle. Yuuta in his dumbass superhero costume just creeping on the roof IN PLAIN FUCKING SIGHT OF EVERYONE IF THEY'D JUST HAPPENED TO LOOK UP, and when the time comes he doesn't even jump into action or anything, he just stands up. It's so fucking WEAK. But it's clebverrrr because we did the thing where we watched him watch himself do the thign n now he do the thign we watched him watched himself do right ?????

More of our beloved hero being psychopathic and literally torturing a man by breaking his fingers and interrogating him... jesus fuck.

epipoo 10: how the fuck did yuuta survive and get back to the apartment

So it turn out, everything in this show could have been fixed by just tearing that little bit of tech off the satelight dish so the server hack isn't intercepted... just tell the current ghost-yuuta to tear the damn thing off the satelite dish the day beforehand next time for fuck's sake... but noooooo, saving the world is just so fucking hard wow

no one cares about these fucking kids and their dumb pseudo-romances. guriko or whichever the fuc the brunette was was a whiny little bitch. She gets into a screaming-crying match with the other girl over some toy, sits there and screams about it, then when Pine notices she hurt herself (or the other girl hurt her) in the fight and tries to help, she screams at him and demands the other girl come back and help her instead. Holy shit.

"originally it was supposed to be-" You see how fucking boring this shit is? We know exactly how the three of them swapped bodies, but you have to have Mr. Creepy McFuckNuts tell us this shit all over again like it's something that's just sooo hard to grasp when it's... so fucking simple... and it's not even in a way that gives his, her, its or zgeir'z unique perspective on it (like "I'm supposed to be in your body, but instead I'm..."), it's just... the fucking list.

chiyoo throws yuuta who she just found out was her long-lost friend pine into a fucking statue and has the gall to cry about "muh precious frienb!!" over ito... I feel like I'm watching that Diverisy and Comics video about Kim and Kim again. That's what this feels like. meanwhile gurio goes through the five stage of anime angst in like an instant. "I have so much power! But... I'm so lonely..... :'(" "the guriko i love!!!!!" she cries over someone all we've seen of them recently is them being a whiny little bitch and then yuuta goes fucking insane and destroys his room. and then has a bunch of le emotional flashbacks over characters we don't care about who have been demonstrated to be violent and uncaring toward him. lol. this is so fucking dumb

AND THEN WE'RE ALL REVED UP TO DO THE EXACT. SAME. FUCKING. THING. FUCKING AGAIN. Just.. what the fuck is Yuuta actually supposed to *do* about any of this? If he just broke the robot girl's computer or took the interceptor thing off the satelite dish everything would be fine, but he's not allowed to do that because... reasons.......????? So what the fuck is he supposed to do? What *sequence of events* is supposed to lead to the probem being over when he's not allowed to just... fucking... solve the probem??

Well whatever it is, I'm sure it's convoluted, retarded and utterly nonsensical. Everyone responsible for this shitshow needs to be fucking euthanized, for the good of humanity.