#idk i can never take myself seriously when talking about this lmao. like what are you even talking about

[dude-iloveu]

ah

[dreamlifebunny]

Hi idk if this is a stupid question or not but I just want to know, I saw you had a gifts from the universe post or something like that and it talked about fictional characters and such, so with that does that mean I can manifest a fictional character into my reality? Like this reality? I was always told I couldn't do that and if I can omg I'm gonna cry happy tears haha 😭💖

hi hi! not a stupid question at ALL, seriously! you absolutely frickin' can manifest a fictional character in your reality! 🥰 isn't that so exciting!? your childhood dreams are about to pop off hehe. this is a much longer post than i expected because i kinda just rant, but i hope it's helpful.

so, i found reality shifting through the self-ship community, then i found law of assumption through the reality shifting community, and then found non-dualism through the law of assumption community. if there is ONE thing i want everyone to take away from ANY of these teachings/communities (regardless of which ones you follow and resonate with) it is that anything that you can imagine, you can experience.

we are the creators. we are the experiencers. we are. the thing about "fictional characters" is that, as the creators of our lives, we as humans have also created whole other worlds with lore and characters, right? if you are aware of the these worlds, their lore, their wonderful characters, then they absolutely exist, right now, because they were created by us. if you are holding them in your imagination, they are here, because you as imagination is all that there is. and that means, if you are imagining them to be in your "real world" reality, then they can absolutely show up here.

now if someone told you that you can't manifest fictional characters into your reality and they were in the law of assumption community, they do not understand what the law of assumption is all about. i mean, it's in the name of the teaching, "assumption," right? what you ASSUME to be true, will be true. if you assume that fictional characters can come into your reality, then that'll be true! eep i'm getting so exciting even just thinking about this, haha! i have nothing but respect and love for the reality shifting community because they opened up my societally-conditioned perspective to a lot of possibilities and changes, but a lot of people in the shifting community have many limiting beliefs about what is possible. the truth is, if you can shift your consciousness to be in a "fictional" freaking world, then you can do just about anything in this world too, right? people believe that they can shift to entirely "made up" worlds that they script, but they don't believe that they can alter their "current reality" with the same scripting techniques, even though they absolutely can and none of it is different from reality shifting to a "fake" world. it's all possible, regardless of the reality you are experiencing!

as proof from my own experience, i actually have a fictional character i brought into my life! in my case, i was hyperfixating on this fictional character who was an absolutely nasty evil dirt bag but i was sooo in love with him (classic lmao). in the beginning i wasn't even trying to bring him here, i was just trying to "reality shift" to meet him and come back to my "current reality" where i was safe because i knew he was a toxic man i should have no business being with haha. i knew i didn't want him in my reality because he was, well, evil, but i did wanna visit him and hang in a "different reality" for a period of time. i always told myself, "i wish there was a version of this character that would just love the shit out of me and not be so evil, one that i actually would love to have around every day..." and every night i would try to reality shift to a world to hang out with him despite this thought in my head. i never felt disappointed when i woke up in my CR because the joy i had was in visualizing hanging out before bed. it felt really real in the moment, just daydreaming and feeling silly and sweet, and it brought me so much happiness - as daydreams should!

i never ended up shifting my awareness to that reality, because something even better happened. since i imagined meeting him and spending time with him every night and persisted in the idea that i would eventually reality shift, i ended up manifesting a person into my life who had every quality that i loved in the evil character WITHOUT the evilness, and he ended up being my best friend and one of my partners! this person showed up in my life and completely flipped my world around, bring me everything that the fictional character had brought me in my imagination. like, everything, minus the bad stuff that i didn't want. it was the first case of manifesting that i had ever been super conscious of achieving, and it changed my whole perspective on the practice. i also immediately stopped caring about the old character i had been manifesting because i was so obsessed with this new person in my life LOL. it was pure magic!!

now, i realize that this is not at exact example of your question, as you're asking if you can bring a fictional character into this reality exactly as they are. and guess what? you absolutely can. the only reason i didn't bring this exact character into my reality was because i wanted a different version of him to show up, but if i had wanted him to show up exactly as he was, he would have! i wanted to give you this as an example of something like this so you can see the possibilities, but don't let the fact that it wasn't the exact fictional character deter you - my fictional person showed up exactly as i wanted him to, and yours can too! you can even make them better! 😎 hehe

this was a long-assed post, but i hope it brought some joy and excitement. please remember: you can do, be, and have any frickin' thing you want in this life, if your beautiful mind can dream it up! dream beautiful dreams and know that absolutely everything is possible! so much love 💗

[genericpuff]

I'm curious - how many unanswered asks do you have in your inbox? Or do you just delete the ones you don't plan on answering?

do you feel good anon

do you feel good about yourself with this question

targeting me like that

geeeeez

ok but more seriously LMAO i have an embarrassingly large amount of unanswered asks but i do read all of them <3 a lot of them honestly are just from folks like, sharing their anonymous opinions about either LO and LR, with the odd one about comic advice, sharing webtoon recommendations, and other things of that nature!

In the case of the LO asks, it's stuff that often has already been spoken about at length before so I don't really have anything to add (but trust me, I'm usually in total agreement, if I heavily disagree with a take I'll usually try to respond to it but it's rare that that's the case because most of the takes are just things like "wow the art in this panel sucks" like yep it sure do LOL) and often it just feels like my inbox is just like, a comment box for people to get their feelings out anonymously and honestly that's fine, I just also can't really respond to every single one unfortunately, but I do read them and I love y'all's takes!

With LR asks, y'all are way too sweet to me and send me just the kindest things about LR, and I hope y'all know that even if I wind up not getting back to your ask about it, I do read everything you send and appreciate so much the amount of support you've all shown for this project since I took it on <3 A lot of those asks are literally my version of "do it for her" where I read them and it reminds me of why it's so worth doing what I do :') <3

Whenever people recommend me other works to read, I add them to a list and I am currently trying to tackle it :) (honestly that list isn't as big as you'd think, a lot of the recommendations are for the same stuff, like other Greek myth retelling comics or otherwise just bad webtoons that people want me to suffer thru LOL) I just recently finally got a physical copy of Song of Achilles and while it's slow going, I'm gonna be sharing my extended thoughts about it, either in a big Tumblr post or maybe a video if I can motivate myself to do it 🤔

And of course, the comic advice asks... these ones admittedly I do tend to actually move into my drafts because I really, REALLY do want to respond to them, but I'm also not someone to half-ass responses to questions like that. That is a bit of a bad habit on my end because it often means I'm spending crazy amounts of time going over topics that can be researched, but I also just really love talking about comics so it doesn't feel good to get a comic advice ask and just leave it at "idk just start" like yeah, do that, but also I want to pass on all the things I WISH I had known when I was first starting out and I'm glad people see me as someone to learn those things from! So when it comes to those asks, don't worry, I'm picking away at them <3 (but also man, I should probably just like... put together some kind of hitchhiker's guide to comic making or something huh LOL)

Anyways! I do have a lot of unanswered asks and honestly, I'm not really one to delete them, even if I don't get back to some of them it is still nice to read them in their own little curated space separate from my main blog, it's kind of like a personal comment section between myself and those of you who took the time to write <3 The only asks I tend to outright delete are ones that are just like, way too bad faith to even want to give any attention to, or bot spam lmao But for the majority of y'all who have sent genuine asks to my inbox and never saw a response and worry that I might have ignored it or deleted it, I hope you can have reassurance in knowing that they are all still there and even if I can't make time every day to respond to them, receiving all your personal takes about LO and your amazing feedback and kind words about LR is something I'm always excited to see whenever that little notification pops up in my Inbox tab. I see you and appreciate you <3

[heavyhitterheaux]

Put a Bounce House In You

First Lady of Private Garden Instagram AU

Liked by jackharlow, saweetie, urbanwyatt, 2forwoyne, laflare1017, estgee, softtcurse, danivalentine, and 2,089,446 others

y/ninsta: face you make when hubby took his lyrics a little too seriously and actually did put a bounce house in you but it's okay because you know he'll dick you down whenever you want 🤭

jackharlow: did you think I was lying when I said that? same thing goes for daycare in her throat.

urbanwyatt: here they asses go

2forwoyne: they've gotten worse since she's gotten pregnant. didn't think that was possible smh

y/ninsta: jackharlow no I didn't think you were lying, but uh I didn't expect 3 at one time either smh

jackharlow: y/ninsta no ragrets

normani: jackharlow lmaooo jack shut up lol

saweetie: is the new robe I bought you comfy?!

y/ninsta: saweetie it is, thank you!

jackharlow: saweetie she never wears it for long though lmao

saweetie: jackharlow bunch of nasties! smh

jackandy/naremyparents: okay skin is glowing!

lilnasx: what's in that bag on the side? some whips and chains? 👀

y/ninsta: lilnasx no! that's one of my make up bags!

lilnasx: y/ninsta mm hmm sure. that's what you want us to think

druski2funny: oh? jack be tying you up, y/n?

y/ninsta: druski2funny no. I tie him up. 😏

jackharlow: y/ninsta what the? what the hell is going on?

lilnasx: jackharlow I knew you were a sub lol

jackharlow: y/ninsta since when do you tie me up?! I thought it was the other way around

saweetie: oh it's getting spicy in here

y/ninsta: jackharlow 👀

jackharlow: y/ninsta baby don't get up here and lie, because you already know what's about to happen. pregnant or not.

urbanwyatt: yeah imma head out smh 2forwoyne I'm coming over

2forwoyne: urbanwyatt bring a slice of that cheesecake y/n made this past weekend with you

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne the babies ate it

2forwoyne: y/ninsta YOU MADE AN ENTIRE PAN

jackharlow: 2forwoyne she ate half of it, got sick and then proceeded to throw up everywhere. Then the next day did it all over again. she over there crying because she was tired of throwing up but I was like baby you did this to yourself. I told her ass not to do it. AND THEN ASKED ME TO GO BUY HER TACOS. I WAS LIKE MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

neelamthadhani: jackharlow whatever my girl wants. you better get it for her. ain't nobody playing with you. if she tells me otherwise it's on sight smh

y/ninsta: the people love me 🥰

y/ninsta: jackharlow blame your children and no ragrets. I'd do it again too. that shit was good.

jackharlow: neelamthadhani i swear everyone just throws me under the bus when it comes to her

2forwoyne: y/ninsta well can you make me another one?!

y/ninsta: 2forwoyne no my boobs hurt

quiiso: y/ninsta what the hell does that have to do with anything?

y/ninsta: quiiso idk, everything is just so sensitive on me

jackharlow: y/ninsta including that pussy

y/ninsta: jackharlow will you quit it?! CONTROL YOURSELF 😭

jackharlow: y/ninsta LOOK WHO'S TALKING

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, danivalentine, djdrama, privategarden, nemoachica, 2forwoyne, and 3,760,992 others

y/ninsta: if lost return to wifey which is me. Yall can return Urby to Curse if she wants to take him back that is. Yall see I'm hella pregnant and my husband and best friend just left me in this house by myself? THE FUCKING AUDACITY

jackharlow: PAUSE. NO ONE LEFT YOU BY YOURSELF. I WOULD NEVER DO THAT. CUT THE SHIT NEOW

claybornharlow: see, if you were with me you wouldn't be going through this

danivalentine: CLAYBORN!

saweetie: jackharlow who the hell is with her then?!

claybornharlow: 👨🏼‍🦯👨🏼‍🦯👨🏼‍🦯👨🏼‍🦯👨🏼‍🦯👨🏼‍🦯

jackharlow: saweetie dani, jess, and blanca.

jackharlow: AND HOLD ON y/ninsta knew I was going to Boston and told urb to come with me! I didn't even want to go without her! she INSISTED that I did

theestallion: jackharlow sure, jan. jackandy/naremyparents: look at dad! softtcurse: I guess I'll take him back urbanwyatt: softtcurse the hell you mean, you guess? softtcurse: urbanwyatt I'm in Boston too so you better call me once the game is over urbanwyatt: softtcurse since when?! softtcurse: since y/ninsta told me where you two were going and sent me to check on yall because you are two toddlers who cannot be trusted y/ninsta: now, who said that?! would you look at the time! I need to take my prenatal vitamins. kbye. jackharlow: y/n!!!!! get back here! softtcurse: jk, I have a photoshoot I'm doing but... you two do need a chaperone smh

normani: jackharlow you sure we talking about the same person? wifey likes to be attached to you at all times and you are the exact same way smh

y/ninsta: jackharlow oops. pregnancy brain. I forgot about that part. okay yall pay no attention to the caption above. claybornharlow LITTLE BABY!

jackharlow: she stays stressing my ass out and yall don't even hesitate before coming for me smh

saweetie: jackharlow it's outta love tho. gotta keep your ass in check.

jackharlow: saweetie 🙄

claybornharlow: y/ninsta I went to that taco place and got the six different salsas you like with the tacos, street corn, tres leches, and burrito for later.

jackharlow: claybornharlow some of that better be for you because y/ninsta what the actual fuck?! you about to make yourself sick again

y/ninsta: jackharlow your children are hungry!

2forwoyne: clean up on aisle Triple Threat Harlows lmaoooo

y/ninsta: jackharlow I'll be fine, you worry too much. but uhhh you looking real zaddy like in that first pic like you getting ready to punish me for something and who you looking that good for? better be for me and me only and not all these damn cougars

nemoachida: got dammit here they go smh

jackharlow: y/ninsta oh? I am definitely about to do that once I get back and you better be ready for me and it's only you

sza: jackharlow if she isn't throwing up everything she ate that is.

y/ninsta: jackharlow green is definitely your color, but.... I also like seeing you in nothing 😏

jackharlow: y/ninsta get on facetime in 10 minutes

y/ninsta: jackharlow shit, don't have to tell me twice 😜

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, bostonceltics, jaysontatum, saweetie, softtcurse, danivalentine, and 3,082,371 others

y/ninsta: and who the hell you looking at like that because I know for a damn fact it's not me. Wayment don't tell me I gotta compete with Jayson now. That has to be who you're looking at. Say it ain't so 😭 (I'm not mad tho, not hard on the eyes at all)

jackharlow: your pregnancy hormones have me fighting for my damn life out here. outta pocket😭

sza: damn and jayson is cute! slide him my number boo!

y/ninsta: sza he's jack's now. I just have to accept it. it's okay. about to make me raise triplets by myself as a single mother so he can go and live his best life. I gotta take him to court for child support

jackandy/naremyparents: I just knew it was too good to be true! look how jack is looking at him! that look should be reserved for his wife only!

y/ninsta: jackandy/naremyparents you get me baby. you get me.

saweetie: y/ninsta bitch you got me up here fucking SCREAMING. I swear I can't stand your ass lmao

lilnasx: NOT CHILD SUPPORT 😭😭😭😭

danivalentine: y/ninsta you are so bored without your husband and I'm going to need for him to come back home lmao because you have be WILDIN since he left

jackharlow: I always tell yall how she be actin outta pocket but no one believes me

jaysontatum: now ms. first lady, I know better. I know jackharlow is yours even though I did treat him to dinner last night. I don't want no smoke.

y/ninsta: JAYSON YOU TOOK MY MAN TO DINNER?

jaysontatum: y/ninsta had to take him to one of the best restaurants in Boston while he was here! And I let him get the most expensive thing on the menu. I've seen your track record and I know how protective the two of you are over each other. I'll send him back home to you soon.

druski2funny: WAYMENT JACK! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LIFE PARTNERS AND THIS IS HOW YOU DO ME? FIRST Y/N AND NOW JAYSON?

y/ninsta: jaysontatum make sure he brings me back something expensive like a Birkin or something. nothing too crazy.

dualipa: oh. y/ninsta you know where to find me baby. let Jayson HAVE HIM!

jaysontatum: y/ninsta I got you mamas 😉

jackharlow: y/ninsta BABY! YOU DO NOT NEED ANOTHER BIRKIN! I JUST BOUGHT YOU FOUR MORE!

jackharlow: druski2funny it's not my fault we were going through problems and you didn't want to go to counseling smh

jackharlow: dualipa kick rocks until your toes bleed. I know where you live

jackharlowsource: LMAOOO I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WITH THEM

dualipa: jackharlow PULL UP THEN! I'M HERE!

jackharlow: dualipa see you tomorrow

jackharlow: y/ninsta I know danivalentine did not just text me that you said when you saw a pic of me and jayson you said that you had another tree to climb

y/ninsta: jackharlow *insert mr. krab meme when he looks around confused*

jackharlow: y/ninsta you better be awake when I get back too smh

y/ninsta: pray for my coochie yall, jack about to kill it lmao

saweetie: y/ninsta I swear you get on my nerves lmao

Liked by jackharlow, urbanwyatt, jaysontatum, saweetie, djdrama, 2forwoyne, danivalentine, theshaderoom, and 3,872,904 others

y/ninsta: my baby is back just like jaysontatum promised and he told me he's not leaving me for Jayson so mission aborted. I got hella nervous for a minute there 😬

jackharlow: y/ninsta like I could ever leave that pussy behind HOWEVER if we fall out, you already know I'm going to him

y/ninsta: jackharlow shit, I'm coming too

druski2funny: count me in!

jackharlow: this ain't no damn foursome type thing going on! get yall own basketball player!

y/ninsta: jackharlow I would but steph is married and I don't want to break up a happy home. and besides I already have one! hint hint: white men can't jump

jackharlow: y/ninsta I'm ignoring that first part smh

jaysontatum: y/ninsta I told you that he was in good hands! did you get your gift?

y/ninsta: jaysontatum what gift?! jackharlow BABY WHERE MY GIFT AT?

jackharlow: y/ninsta it's me. I'm the gift.

y/ninsta: jackharlow ew. return to sender.

dualipa: yes, boss bitch energy! drop that man!

jackharlowsource: NOT RETURN TO SENDER LMAOOOO

jackharlow: y/ninsta WHAT? AFTER YOU WERE CRYING ON FACETIME TELLING ME YOU MISSED ME LAST NIGHT?! dualipa shut your ass up smh

y/ninsta: jackharlow just kidding pookie!

jackharlow: y/ninsta and why are you always taking pics when I'm sleep?!

y/ninsta: jackharlow because you look so cute and cuddly

urbanwyatt: let me leave to the other side of the house because I already know what's about to happen

jackharlow: urbanwyatt I'm about to go to sleep. nothing is about to happen.

y/ninsta: jackharlow who the fuck told you that? I've been without you for FOUR DAYS. pay me some attention!

jackharlow: y/ninsta call danivalentine!

y/ninsta: jackharlow no she didn't let me get mcdonalds yesterday so she's on my list

danivalentine: y/ninsta to keep you healthy!

y/ninsta: danivalentine my husband's dick does that just fine

theestallion: Y/N PLEASEEEEEE 😭😭😭

danivalentine: y/ninsta and that's why your ass is pregnant with three now smh

y/ninsta: not my fault on the dick I do gymnastics. jackharlow GET OVER HERE NEOW. I want another bounce house in me

jackharlow: jaysontatum send me a plane ticket back to Boston asap jaysontatum: jackharlow so your wife can kill me? nah, she can keep you lmao

Taglist:

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[roccinan]

How do you feel when you watch the spin off? What do you think of it? And do you like it? For me, I sort of like eps 1-4, the rest are just meh, I couldn't bring myself to care for the other characters, I tried. And I was very confused, what year the spin off?. It started off good and... Idk. All I can say is that Andres truly belong in the asylum. That man creeps me out. If I were Camille, I ran away the second I saw that creep. Lol.

Hello anon! I couldn't answer you earlier because I didn't get to watch it. But now I've finished it and, hum, I certainly have a lot of thoughts that I'll probably post later LOL.

For now, here are the most fresh on my mind. I agree with you- eps 1-4 were surprisingly good, last one was pretty cool too, ralicia supremacy. I was mostly just surprised I didn't dislike it. Can't say I loved it, or that it's my ideal berlin spinoff, but for all the "factors" against it that Pina chose of his own free will asdfasdf, it turned out surprisingly OK.

Spinoff takes place around 2013, according to Pina. Which messes with the canon timeline so much we'll just have to see it as a parallel universe where time doesn't matter.

I now call spinoff!Andres my wife. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. So unfortunately, I cannot slander my bride like that.

But I liked that he was still a freak. The show didn't try to make him a better person thankfully, but I think a lot of the reviews were complaining about him being an asshole or complaining that he was ruined for not being enough of an asshole, missed the mark a bit. The main problem, if we have to pick one, about him, is that the context around him is too shallow to take seriously. His speeches about love have no substance (and they actually did in lcdp) because the circumstances have no substance. He's putting romance above the heist because well, why shouldn't he lmao? There's no personal stake here, and it's not like he'll get capital punishment for getting caught.

And that "problem" extends to everyone else. Their motives and actions are just very shallow and There for the sake of being there. Like Roi and Cameron could have had a moving romance, but instead Cameron made me cringe very badly with how much she felt like Alex Pina's idea of "hawt gurl with sad past!!" And said "sad" past was actually really fucked up but the story didn't seem to think so!? It wasn't a tragic romance--it was a 20-something musician sleeping with a 15yo fangirl, abducting her, and then traumatizing her so badly she entered the asylum and ended up hanging out with berlin. Like????

I'll say I misunderstood Keila though. Liked her a lot better in the show than the trailers. But everytime I went "oh, I like her uwu" she'd do something that makes me GAG like inhaling Bruce's sweat or licking his spoon asdfasdf Also the part where she confessed her love for him after the snake bite gave me secondhand embarrassment. None of the love stories felt lasting, believable, or touching to me. Probably because there were too many of them and it was even more convenient than lcdp proper!

Bruce was different than I expected. He's insensitive, but not "dumb" like the character descriptions made him out to be. Same as Keila. Everytime I thought "I like him uwu" he'd do something like talk about pubic hair or cover himself in oil/water, instantly making me die.

Damian is Sergio 2.0 and also Martin 2.0, but straight and old. No strong feelings for him either way. But it was funny that Andres got so mad about sharing a bed with him, when he was willingly hopping into bed with Martin LMAO. Also ngl, it stung my little berlermo heart to see Damian and Andres sing karaoke and go on a lover's bike ride together.

Roi was my favorite new member. He felt like a real original character, and his relationships with Cameron and Andres were nicely fleshed out even if they both confused me. Cameron because the romance was shallow to me. Andres because Roi never told us how they met or why Andres took him in. Andres giving Roi advice on temper control is also hilarious. We'll just have to assume that Andres is willing to raise everyone's kid except his own. He even took that one boy to the bathroom asdfasdf

But overall, I agree anon. I just didn't care for the new characters the same way I did the old gang or the cormorants. Maybe because the stakes were too low or because they were always beautiful and perfect (except Damian lol) no matter the situation. I personally think the producers were trying very hard to create new stars with this show, so they aggressively showed off Pina's flashy new blorbos (cameron, keila, bruce, and roi) but you can't force popularity. This is also my conspiracy theory for the lack of Sergio- they knew having the profesor here would take too much attention from the flashy new blorbos.

Not much to say about Camille. Was hoping she'd be cooler/smarter than this, but what kind of smart woman would not see the red flags in Andres LMAO. Wasn't surprised when Polignac turned out to be an asshole either- man just has the face of a jerk. Was disappointed that they didn't have a threesome with Andres. And the smartest person was Camille's friend.

Lastly, SAME ANON LOL Andres was an insane stalker, off the wall crazy and so annoying about it too. I wish Camille would have slapped him in the end, but oh well- at least their storyline didn't end as stupidly as it could have. She got her money at least XD Hopefully she's not dumb enough to reunite with him (and if she's wife no. 4 we know it didn't work out already).

Does the show deserve a season 2? No. Will I watch season 2? Yes LOL

Main takeaways:

Romance 1/10 Heist 7.5/10 Pedro's face 11/10 New characters 2/10 (not sharing all of their backstories or why/how they ended up in berlin's gang was a major weak point imo) Story 5/10

A solid 7/10 if we don't compare it to lcdp.

[libra-stellium]

Venus Transits I tracked!

Descriptions from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

Venus opposite Moon (Apr 17 - Apr 21)

Any problems under this transit are likely to come from doing something to excess

Did I drink a whole bottle of wine on 4/20? yes. Was I feeling it the next day? yes lol Do I regret it? nope! I was trying to have a great night in and that's exactly what I had!

This transit arouses your affections and makes you willing to give and receive love, relationships with women are meaningful

I made this really good pasta with mussels and I invite my aunt to have dinner with me which is simple but I don't usually do that lol

The rest of this transit description was talking about problems in romantic relationships but I'm single soooo N/A

Venus opposite Mercury (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Favorable time for communication about love and relationships

If you watch 911 you know how it's been this month lol but I've been enjoying watching people watch the show for the first time! Idk which day exactly but it had me thinking about how I used to write fics when I was younger and make fan videos of shows lol such a fun time! Then I had a convo with my bestie about her love live bc she's a late bloomer and naturally is scared of everything lmao

The mercurial side of your personality does not take emotional matters seriously

I forgot to pay attention to this lmfao but I know I was a joker this entire time! lmao I tried to cut back but everything was just toooo funny!!

Be careful what you say about friends and loved ones under this transit , someone may take it seriously

I made a separate entry about the last time this transit happened for me in 2021 so this time around I was very intentional to not talk about anybody lmao about to make myself a shirt like "My friends and I survived my Venus Opposite Mercury transit <3"

One of the most unemotional of all Venus transits

I don't know lol is laughter not an emotion? I was intrigued by this when I wrote it but maybe I would have experienced this if I didn't know it was happening? Or maybe it was something small like me laughing during the serious situation in a show bc the drama was just toooo much I had to laugh lmao

Venus trine MC (Apr 18 - Apr 22)

Good time for any kind of creative activity/getting involved in the arts

I randomly started cooking this pasta with mussels and I've never made it before and it came out so good!!

Excellent time to redecorate your home and make your personal surroundings more attractive, you are much more sensitive to the aesthetic nature of your surroundings

I did do my dishes and clean my kitchen!

Time when you feel very affectionate and have a great need to express your affection, you are pleasant to be around, others can sense how you feel about them which makes them feel good

I didn't really feel thisss? I'm usually pleasant to be around anyway lol but I did text a couple more friends during this time and we were laughing a lot

Transit makes you feel peaceful and anxious to avoid conflict

Bro this bc after my job messed up my pay last week they asked me to update my timesheet again and I was on that email and had it fixed in 2 minutes lmao just for my supervisor to be like oh she doesn't see it on her end like girl....i texted her pictures of my screen like it's there! Don't stress me out!

Venus square Neptune (Apr 21 - Apr 25)

Transit stimulates your romantic imagination making you somewhat unrealistic

As a libra with a pisces rising this was just another regular day lmao but I was more in my synchronicity bag because on 4/25 I started reading this book that I stopped reading last year on May 19 bc I left it in my friend's car for months and I was reading something else by the time I got it back buttttt the back of the page I stopped on the main character was talking about how the only place she had visited in Europe was Amsterdam and i was like ohmygod??? What are the odds that i was so close to reading that last year and it's now almost a year later and I travel to Amsterdam ON MAY 19???

Daydreaming and creativity are high

Idk if that counts but I stitched a tiktok on 4/23 and it's still getting engagement and it's at 50k+ views rn on 4/28 and like 7k+ likes lolll

Venus square Uranus (Apr 24 - Apr 28)

You seek excitement and stimulation through love relationships

single as a pringle lol

Tendency to flirt under this influence, don't make anything more out of an encounter than what it really is

I didn't go anywhere bc work had me working for real during this time and now it's the weekend and I have my period but one of my friends posted a story about how her outfit made her look like a teacher and I commented "What's 5x5? Twenty Fine!!" lmfaoo the corniest pick up line and I still think I was so funny for saying that lol

You are likely to be impulsive with money

yeah Sweetgreen has had me in a chokehold ngl lol every year I go through a phase where I get obsessed with a salad from there! $18 is absolutely wild but so so good! Just writing this makes me want to order again omg

[ch0cocrave]

you

i am yet to finish pressure (my dad only lets us play games on weekends, so the last time i played it was last sunday), so i still dont know too much about sebastian

im pretty sure you've finished it which is why im askin this

if i were to make a self insert oc that "works" with sebastian (from what i know, he works in some sort of lab?? or something???? idk dont correct me), like helping him with files or helping him guide the player etc, and this oc is kind of a handful --- talkative, curious, kinda touchy (but respects boundaries), but isnt too known for taking things seriously (unless people are literally dying) --- would Sebastian be the type to tolerate her, or would he secretly murder her and go on with life

try to give me a spoiler free response teehee (i wanna find all the secrets of the game MYSELF, without any help from videos or other people or anything, so yeah try to keep it as spoiler free as u can)

Lmao its kinda funny XD Ive actually never played the game, I just know a lot about it, like watching lets-plays and stuffs.

But the idea of your character is actually so super cute T^T I wish there was a silly that helped Sebastian with all of his duties around the shop and stuff! ^^ idk I would kinda imagine her being a sea serpent kinda gal that admired his work through the windows of the facility , and Sebastian kinda got tired of the constant staring, so he took them in lmao

Based on his personality, I would think that they would take some getting used to, cause like in the game he gets more and more annoyed when you enter the shop. But I think this saying goes for everyone, if you respect them, they will respect you.

Adding things along based on whatcha said earlier I think sebastian runs a makeshift shop not sure if he works in a lab. Then again, I am a dumbass XD

[scover-va]

I need to know more about Michael's mom... Is she a cool mom?

SHE IS A VERY COOL MOM janet afton you will always be famous. to me

Im taking this as a chance to finally ramble abt her anyways so Janet's core inspo when designing her was to avoid 2 key things. Don't make her like Immortal & Th Restless's Clara (due to clara representing michael, not mrs afton, so i wanted to avoid that), and don't base her too heavily off of Ballora. I still have ties to Ballora's character (a music-based theme, blue-centric colour palette, im sure there were more basic ideas but everything else is more hc than themes to keep up) due to my hc thingy of each Funtime having ties to William's wife + kids, but yknow.

But yeah. Funky lady who played bass guitar + did backup vocals in a band during her high school and college years. Literally her and William dating can be summed up by "Seriously, what do you see in that guy?!" "He makes me laugh." bc she was and is WAY out of his goddamn league. Not just bc of the whole serial killer thing he was just an even bigger loser in college. Normal people dont develop a crush on a woman after she nearly breaks your nose and makes you bleed, William /j

But yeah uhh. I also dont like the idea of her being absent or neglectful purely because I got way too attached to her (i was originally gonna do that just to make things easy for myself but. Pretty lady,,, I am a very simple lesbian what can i say) so like. She obviously wasnt the greatest, most fantastic mom to ever exist given she was kinda maybe sorta well aware William was making some weird fucking clowns, but like. Hey. She tried. Also side note my reasoning for her being absent during the whole. Yknow. '83 event (and just evan's bday in general) is bc Evan + Elizabeth are twins and Elizabeth demanded a girls-only trip for her bday, and Janet promised Evan she'd do something just as special for him when she got back. That never happened bc he died lmao loser /j

But yeah uhh. Shes got a lot of regrets. Wishes she coulda done a lot of things better. Kinda dies with those regrets. Ive seen people say that one of fnaf's charms is that no character is 100% good and i LOVE that, and wanted to keep it up with Janet. Good mom and overall a good person, however made some bad decisions along the way and whatnot.

Im still working out specifics (ive been slowly working on a lil private fic abt her and william meeting + their early relationship) but uhhh. Minor notes that dont get their own paragraphs is that William sampled her voice for Ballora so yay easy voice claim, she had an on and off relationship with her band's lead singer (her name's Bev), her birth name is actually Janice Schmidt but if you call her Janice she'll knock at least 2 of ur teeth out, she's a runaway teen and got adopted by this older couple bc her home life kinda sucked (idk specifics yet), and also girlie has an extensive criminal record of minor angsty teen type charges. Also teen Mike dying his hair and then 2020's Michael's hairstyle are both kinda references to Janet's hair because he wnated to look less like his father. Thats all ty. No read more bc you WILL look at my mrs afton post, boy /j

Actually no theres more that im remembering as i write the tags and edit a few details. Back to her and William because god im insane about them. So for starters it. Well i was gonna say Janet was def the first to flirt but i think William definitely developed a crush first and they only kept talking bc of said crush so its kinda up for debate. Anyways yeah at first it was a HUGE sorta like "Well he's funny especially when I fluster him so this can be just a fun lil thing" but because they chatted more they def kinda like. Clicked more. William was a huge fan of listening to her music (from. a distance. he looked kinda like a creep but at least janet only misinterpreted it once) but like *specifically* janet he didnt give a fucking shit abt the rest of the band. Uhh. They had their first run-in and janet kinda. Well. Punched him in the nose before he cleared up that he is NOT a pervert or anything weird like that (bc a guy that looks older than he is staring from a distance when there is a clear crowd he could join kinda gave janet the Wrong idea), then they later bumped into each other in the hall and chatted for a bit, then they kinda just kept "accidentally" running into one another. Uhhh. Some cigaerette-themed flirting and a house party later, yay dating :] can you tell where the current cut-off of the fic is /j Also idk how to put this down properly but they are both runaways and can kinda. Get that vibe from one another. Literally Michael is like some fucked up abomination of the both of them between the troubled past + weird situationship thing + runaway stuff + a lot of minor details that arent important rn. I just. Yeah Janet means the world to me go thru her tag on my blog for some art. Not all of my janet art is posted but the non-posted stuff is all concept work/doodles or just. Shit im too embarrassed to post lmao. Anyways NOW im done ty for reading

[dogfags]

hmm rant abt spirituality/religion..... perhaps don't read if u believe in stuff like that. or do if ur not gunna be offended or upset by it. shrug

u would think it'd be easier to be a gay atheist than a straight one but it's not bc now I just have to quietly and sadly tell people I don't believe in astrology/crystals/whatever spiritual shit they're into as opposed to Christianity.. and they think it's crazy I don't believe in that stuff 😭 like sure it's fun or whatever to think about, astrology is fun or whatever but it's not.. based in science whatsoever therefore I don't rly believe it carries any weight. and IM the crazy one for being an actual atheist instead of just believing in whatever spiritual shit I think sounds more fun than Christianity. like I'm sure it's super fun to believe in it and practice it, I just don't and haven't since I was like 19.

honestly one big reason I stopped believing in any of that was watching my sister with schizophrenia and religious/spiritual delusions and being like yeah this is actually kinda just how all religious people sound to me. and also the amount of stress and mental anguish that stuff brought her. I used to like practice witchcraft and shit and I look back and I'm like yeah I was just absolutely miserable and in an abusive relationship and wanted to feel like I had ANY sort of power over ANYTHING in my life. I felt completely helpless and not in control of anything and wanted to feel empowered. and like sure I guess sometimes it gave me temporary relief from my stress but like that shit never actually worked lmao. or confirmation bias would make me feel like it worked and if it didn't, then the "universe" wanted something else for me. there is always a way to explain away those things.

I got really into atheist talk shows on youtube when I was 19 as any new atheist does and I honestly went into it really defensive about my spiritual beliefs but simultaneously wanting to express how much I hated how religion turned people into horrible monsters. and then after watching a few videos and questioning my own biases came to the conclusion that its literally all the same in terms of factiousness. and sure I've had a few experiences I've considered spiritual but much of that can be explained as well.

idk, I just hate when ppl shove their beliefs down my throat and act like I'm a dumbass for not accepting just anything as absolute truth. all my queer friends believe in witchcraft and crystals and astrology and sometimes paganism and I'm just like 😭 I just donnnttttt like I cannot bring myself to find any of it real or take it seriously. and people are surprised when I tell them that lmao. I think a lot of people with religious trauma (gay people) find comfort in like new age spirituality bc it's Like religion but without all the weird homophobia stuff. I don't even believe in the concept of a soul really. I'd have to have like hard evidence presented to me to believe in that stuff. not saying I'm entirely closed off to it bc I'm not but until sufficient evidence is there I have no reason to believe in it? idk it's hard. I don't even say shit to anybody for believing in it bc I understand the appeal + I've been there, I only ever voice my disbelief when ppl try to force their beliefs onto me. and still IM the asshole for saying I don't believe in what they do. idk.

[salted-caramel-tea]

Are you leaving dtblr?

no i was saying the other day ive just been rlly busy lately between finals and work and christmas prep so i haven’t had much free time but im using this as an excuse to go on another ramble about community dynamics

i’ve already talked about this but i honestly have considered just moving on a few times now bc it’s so .. divisive here at times . Even things as trivial as who ships what has started several full on vaguing sessions across my dash with people screaming that being a multi shipper is homophobic or that dnfers are the main issue with the community neither or which are true and it’s insane that it’s still ongoing like it’s a serious problem with a lot of different people from different shipping communities lacking any kind of maturity in all honesty.

another thing is the karl neg . like nobody is asking anybody to enjoy karl’s content or to watch him but the kind of speculation over his intentions his friendships his creative ventures when he actually hasn’t done anything wrong except annoy people a little just doesn’t sit right with me . its also kinda hypocritical considering how our fanbase likes to preach live and let live and that we have no say in dteams friendships esp in the discourse surrounding q. like again .

theres also a problem with cliques but i feel like a lot of the discourse over cliques ive seen in the past couple months has been targeting friend groups more than cliques like no girl people can have groups of friends in the community lmao but like the platforming of friend groups trying to make them the equivalent of influencers in a fan community just has never seemed like a good idea liek this over glorification of other fans in the community just seems weird to me like ? idk i just wouldn’t try to establish fan community hierarchies they’re never good

it’s just felt a whole lot less fun logging in lately because unless you have a group of friend established in ways where you communicate frequently outside of tumblr then you’re just logging on to see shipping discourse . why i hate x creator . dranti tweets to report . You’re Bad If You Ship This . and two people vaguing each other about something so incredibly unimportant and trivial or competing to be the best poster for their chosen creator amongst all the art and fics and nice posts coming from people who you’ve followed for years or who are popular people to see in the fanbase and it’s just like . not very fun anymore bc ppl started taking it way too seriously .

idk i still watch streams if im awake for them and i still like coming online but i find myself rolling my eyes a lot more recently

[belphegorskiss]

Hii!! I'm here for the match up!:>

I'm female, Bisexual with a male pref.

Libra, istp

<3:

-I like stickers and making them

- I love sweets

-I love rainy and cloudy days

- really obsessed with cute and pink stuff

- I love listening to music while crafting or drawing

- eating ice or homemade snow

</3:

-I don't like loud noises

- I'm not found of going outside or being in crowded places for too long

- I don't like when people don't take my emotions and needs seriously

- I hate sunny days especially in summer

- not a fan of bitter things

___

I actually didn't think too much about what I want in person but I think someone who respect my boundaries and listen to me, someone who is kinda energetic than me and know how to spend a good, someone who wouldn't judge my likes and can tolerate my swings of emotions.

Of course I want someone who respect other people and love their family and kind with kids and animals.

____

I really don't know how to describe myself but I'll try anyway, I'm gonna say that I'm a low energy person, most of the time I won't feel like doing anything, but I always try to change that for the people I love, I'm not super Introvert but at the same time not extrovert, probable mix of both? Idk.

I care about the people I love but I don't show that since I'm dumb when it comes to expressing my own emotions, I'm so sensitive and can cry easily but I always try to hide that (I fail every time and end up crying all night lmao)

Alot of people told me that I have a calm/comfort aura? And that they can talk to me about anything without worrying about anything.

I'm kinda stubborn and it's hard to change my mind about anything, so I always need to be alone to think about everything again.

Sorry if there was any mistakes, English isn't my first language

YOUR MATCHUP IS . . . YOIMIYA !

yoimiya fits your type a lot! she’s quite energetic, and she deeply respects her family and she’s very good at taking care of little kids! she would definitely respect any boundaries you have and she’d never make you do something you’re not comfortable with.

while you both are pretty different, like how you don’t have much energy and you don’t really like to do a lot of things, and yoimiya is very high energy and likes doing things, i think you guys could compliment each other well!

yoimiya is a gemini, which is actually very compatible with libras! she’s also an enfp, so while you might be opposites in a way, you both still would be able to make it work because of the common ground you have.

yoimiya is really warm and kindhearted, and she’d be very good at comforting you and making you feel better if you’re sad. she’s very understanding of your sensitivity and she’d be happy to help you in any way she can.

i feel like you both would be quite comforting to each other, and you’d feel safe together!

i hope you enjoyed your matchup <3 !!

[genericpuff]

Same anon as before talking about writing stuff and worrying about if people will find it (but not the same anon as the other asks before that) - I think many people who are budding writers and artists have these concerns and bring them to you because you A). Are a creator yourself so you know what you're talking about in a verified sense and B). Idk about other anons but some of us (like me) take your reasoning (and critique) in regard to writing seriously because of your experience and how you analyze stuff such as LO.

I think at least some of us (again I can't speak for everyone nor can I or should I) wants to make sure they're not making mistakes such as the ones RS does in writing.

Also I might just take you up on your offer of Zelda fanfic - I do so love LoZ 😅.

ugh god, am I y'all's role model now or smthing? why would you do that to yourself (ㆆ_ㆆ)

okay but jokes aside, obviously people can't help who they look up to and I'm not gonna be a dick if y'all look up to my work and what I do here, just remember also that you're not obligated to agree with everything I say or take it to heart, you also shouldn't take my analysis of LO and how it's written/drawn personally because so much of that analysis is within the VERY specific definitions in which LO exists, definitions that don't really apply to many other webtoons on the platform. If there's anything I say or criticize LO for that speaks to you and your own work on a certain level, try not to take it as a direct personal attack towards you and more just like... if the things I'm saying about LO feel like they apply to your work, take it as advice for improving your own craft.

Or don't! You can literally ignore me and do what you were gonna do anyways. I literally cannot take that away from you and you absolutely shouldn't let me. I have no real power over anyone here, that's what I mean when I say I'm just a guy participating in their hyperfixation so don't feel like you gotta take me too seriously lmao

Also, yeah, okay, I'm a webcomic creator myself, but to put myself on the cross for once - I've never succeeded at this gig. Rekindled is the most consistent audience I've had in years, I think the last time my work was in a banner rotation was in 2015 (and it wasn't on WT), and I somehow make something like $20/month off Patreon. I've had small victories along the way, it hasn't been all bad, but this isn't my living and chances are low I'll ever find mass success with it. Everything I said about not taking my opinion too seriously because I'm just a random Internet guy applies to people like Rachel as well, while I criticize her work on the basis of it being a commercial product that should know better and I DEFINITELY harp on her for a lot of shit, at the end of the day she's in no way obligated to pay even a second of attention to me because she's made way more money in webcomics in the last 2-3 years than I could ever dream of making in the 10 years I've been doing this, that's something I can't take away from her and that was never the goal when it came to discussing her work. All I have to show for my own efforts is experience and rhetoric, and a few odd readers who have been around so long I wonder why they even still follow me LOL I am your typical "can never live up to the success of those who they criticize" chronically online shitposter. I don't think I should have to be on Rachel's level to be able to discuss her work, mind you, that's half the function of an audience to begin with, but it's not like I have any real legitimacy in this industry that you should worry about what I have to say. It's not like I'm capable of robbing Rachel of her awards or the money she's made lol

And by all means, go ahead and look for my fanfiction stuff, but I'm not providing any eye bleach because I wrote it when I was like, 13 years old, so search at your own risk lmao

(and if you do find it, no you didn't （︶^︶）/hj)

[slightecho]

How do you find motivation to write? (love your work by the way!)

ALSKDJF thank you!!!!

My motivation to write is honestly so hard to explain…. It’s a really weird tightrope between my overactive daydreaming and my ADHD 🥹

The real trouble I have is keeping my momentum going and not running out of steam the second my ADHD latches on to something else, or I hit a small bump in the road. As a general tule, a lot of the time when I write it’s because I need an outlet for the scenes that are just playing in my head constantly, distracting me. I talk a lot, and I like to infodump in my everyday life, too, and it comes through in my writing sometimes.

Because of this need to infodump the scenes in my head, combined with my own fear that I’ll lose the plot due to my ADHD, I’m a big user of what’s called the “vomit draft,” where you basically steamroll through writing the first draft of something without care for perfect grammar, typos, spelling mistakes or wording things perfectly. This helps me feel secure in the fact that if I go fast enough, I won’t face this issue with my attention and focus.

Now, the term “vomit draft” is typically used to describe drafting an ENTIRE story before doing the editing. And I have done that before, but it didn’t really work as well for me as the version I’m doing now. A lot of times for me, trying to vomit draft a WHOLE piece first just resulted in me either running out of steam, or beginning to feel like the editing was a big, scary, insurmountable task (ask me about my Bungo Stray Dogs Heathers AU fic that never got finished). I‘ve found that turning the process of editing into a big, scary project of it’s own is the quickest thing to demotivate me, and it becomes a massive roadblock.

So recently, I’ve kind of adjusted my “vomit draft” style so that I’m instead taking each chapter as it’s own smaller unit, and vomit drafting them each individually. To help myself do this with “Ashes” in particular, I’ve got a notebook literally FULL of notes so I can keep track of all the small, throw-away details I’ve written. Mostly cause I’m very scared of contradicting myself in this one. Keeping a notebook like this isn’t a regular thing for me. My mentality behind this style of vomit drafting is like… if I can vomit draft this chapter quick enough, I can move on to the next exciting thing I want to infodump. Which is exciting to me! And it has the added bonus that it allows me the freedom to upload the chapters as soon as they’re done, and get enjoyment out of the work, due to my need for validation. Every chapter becomes a goal post for myself, that way!

And that’s what REALLY keeps my motivation going, so I don’t hit a roadblock on the story. By the time I post a chapter, I’m already excited because I know I’m about to steamroll through the next one cause I’m just so excited to dump that out, too! And I’m subsequently getting the validation from hitting my last goalpost and feeling like I’ve accomplished something at the same time.

Is my method for everyone?? HECK NO. Is this me given you full proof advice?? Also no. What works for me is not gonna work for everyone else. But this is the method that’s worked best for me in the past: in every instance of a story I’ve actually finished writing, I was using this chapter-by-chapter vomit drafting method. And typically those stories didn’t even need a notebook full of notes!

(Seriously, the notebook is just an “Ashes” thing, and I cannot overstate how I’ve never before kept a detailed notebook like this before. Don’t feel like you have to that lmao! But if you want to hear more about it, let me know and I can get into it. Idk if that would be boring to hear about or not 😅)

TL;DR I race against time with my ADHD and create small goalposts for myself via a chapter-by-chapter vomit drafting method. This allows me to satisfy my need to infodump the scenes while also making sure I refuel my motivation by allowing myself to feel validated and accomplished via smaller goalposts 🥰

[bpd-angelcake]

guess who's back 🙃

tw: lots of ed mention

hi lol where do I even begin first off like... lmao every time I come back on this blog I think of that one ask that I got that was like "do u come back on here when things are bad??" and no lmao not always

life hasn't been bad it's just been busy im always busy i work a full time job and my social life has been the busiest it's ever been and im thankful because I love my irl friends so much and I do love my job as annoying as it can be and idk things aren't bad. they're not.

but I know my mental health hasn't been the best lately and I can't even blame my bpd. I had a really bad episode at the beginning of February and I tried pushing all my friends away because I thought they were over me and didn't take me seriously and they all came back to me literally crying wondering what was wrong and I felt so shitty and they don't know I have bpd (I don't talk about it in person unless we're going to date because I hate when people perceive me a certain way once they find out I'm not normal lmao) so we had to get in a circle and talk it out it was so rough but honestly I have never felt more secure in a friend group before in my life it makes me so sick thinking about it because idk what I'd do if anything were to change but whatever.

but idk I was doing so good with myself I was on top of my skincare and keeping my room clean and following through with things and idk everything just fell through the cracks and I feel like I have no control over anything in my life once more. I'm trying so hard to be better but it's hard. I just started saving money again because I spent so much of it the past few months and I'm so disappointed with how bad my spending got and it wasn't even for a good reason lol so I am trying I promise but ugh I feel like I was up there!! and I'm back at rock bottom.

Another thing that's been bugging me a lot is my weight too... back in 2020 I was so thin and I looked good and I had done it the right way by dieting and exercising but covid came and I got into that toxic relationship and I gained so much weight back and I look in the mirror and I am so disgusted with myself and I hate it. I see all these cute plus size girls on social media and I literally love them and think they're so beautiful but I look at myself and I can't even deal. I have to be a bridesmaid for a wedding in October and im dreading it because I'm going to look so bad....

I ordered a cosplay a few months ago and it came a week ago and it didn't even fit 🙃 I almost had a full mental breakdown about it and tbh I am 90% sure it ran small (not cutting myself slack because I know I'm fat but I also know how to measure clothes) but it made me so upset I literally relapsed and I've barely eaten this whole week. I tried to eat a spoonful of rice because I was so lightheaded the second it touched my mouth I threw it up.

And now I feel so fucking lame because I'll go on edtwt and see these girls posting their stuff and they're all in their teens and it's like.... I'm in my 20's dude I shouldn't be doing this shit anymore but I do and I hate it because it's all I know and it's so comforting because I'm literally a professional at it like I know all the tips and tricks I know what to do when I accidentally binge I know how to curb cravings and what excuses to say when I don't want to eat in front of people it's so sad because I thought I was over this but I guess not.

I haven't weighed myself yet, I was going to do it tomorrow but ugh all I need is to see that number go down or else I might kill myself because I can't do this anymore!!!! this is my life I feel like I'm 14 again in the worse way. IDK I might start posting more about it (with tags ofc) so if that's not your thing I understand but it's all I have to make me feel better and I'm not looking for advice I'm not looking for tips I just want to vent and if you're going to judge me do it kindly please lmao bye

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, March 5th, 2024!

1:07am: Just going to keep journaling so I don't go insane. My ex keeps jerking me around and I can't continue to care. He's so wrapped up in his own emotion, he will never be capable of actually being a good friend. He never asks if I'm ok or tries to make casual conversation, it's just all about him and his constant state of drama. I just can't relate to him anymore and I can't continue on the way I've been trying to. There's literally not much I can control or change about this situation, I can only be responsible for how I react to it I guess.

On another note, I finished my laundry! Tomorrow I will get up, take a shower, shaving is not necessary I just need to clean myself so literally no pressure. Drink some water, take my vitamin, hang out with my cats. Probably take a tums bc my farts are DEADLY rn and I don't know why RIP. If I do shave it would probably just be my coochie tbh. Some light weed whacking lmao. If I keep farting like rotten eggs I'm definitely not making any man plans tomorrow 🤣 I cantttttt haha

I think tomorrow I might clean out my closet now that it's clean?? There's so many items I never wear tbh. Maybe shave up to my knees and get a pedicure?? Maybe go on FB marketplace or thrift for some nightstand things or some dollar tree cubbies for this stuff I've had on the floor forever. I just randomly remembered my coats are in my trunk and I feel like I'm gonna forget where they are. Maybe return those things to the library omg and go to bath n body works and get real deodorant and laundry detergent

So many thoughts going through my mind omg I just had diarrhea while writing this 😭 please go away tummy problems. I wonder if it was me pounding tajin with my margarita I literally don't know.

I need to figure out where I wanna take myself out to before the show tomorrow! Aaaaa so many possibilities!! This week has already been so perfect and it's not over yet! I love my life! It's so crazy to love my life after going through so much trauma but here I am, stronger than ever!! :) I'm so proud of myself ❤️

8:57am: Nah tell me why I got on tinder this morning (early bird 🤣) and damn these guys are just ehh. Idk how tf I'm ever gonna take any of them seriously again. I'm just pretty hardened after everything, not really in a bad way, but in a needed way if you ask me. I feel like I don't know what I'm looking for lol I feel like if you know what you're looking for, you go out and pursue it?? But idk so it's more challenging. Tbh I just want to have fun like I'm in my fboi era fr. Curving dudes when they get serious n shit 💀

9:40am: ok time to get up lmao. I'll find a guy eventually so actually no rush 🤣 I got my two little furry boys and that's what really matters. I want to get all gussied up today just bc I can. Lil man bawling his eyes out not being able to speak to me anymore bc he knows he fucked up is a crazy way to live. Having to live with the guilt of cheating on someone.... Couldn't be me 🙄😂

I get to continue my life knowing that I'm a bomb af gf and anyone would be damn lucky to have me (once they get to know me!) if I don't meet people then they'll never know! I got ppl who don't even speak English wanting another date fr.

11:02pm: I'm just gonna keep shooting my shot until something sticks I think. I really do believe it's a numbers game anymore, if you talk to 0 ppl or put all your eggs into 1 basket likeeee you're not going to get far and it's gonna take 500 years, 100 years to even get a date at that rate. I wanna be like that girl who went on what 50 dates in a year?? Like go off queen 💅 at least you'll have 50 stories to tell if nothing else haha, plus I need the practice ong.

I like the journaling instead of trying to text him, it's so much better. N+T were right, he just needs to learn his lesson, that's so sad your friend literally had to say that about his best man like if my MOH turned out to be a flaming bag of shit like how embarrassing (for the POS) and seriously sad and fucked up :( .

[spidercookie18]

I'm having a crisis. And im going to talk about wanting to die.

Know first that no matter how scary this post may be, I've moved past seriously attempting to unalive. I promise I have a support group, and this is not anything like that.

It is 5 a.m. when I started writing this. I woke up crying, and now im worried I'm gonna be having an existential crisis for the next few days til I can get my head on straight.

I. Am.... turning 24 in less than 3 months. And I am freaking the fuck out about it. I woke up with my ears ringing in pain, my joints aching, and my stomach and head killing me. Yes, I did it to myself, but that's not the point.

I realized, now that I am going to be.... living past my 'expiration date', that I have to live inside this body. And to live inside this body is painful.

Now that my life plans don't stop at 24, I don't know what to do.

For the longest time, it was: who cares if - - - -, I'll be dead at 24.

And now, that's not the case.

Now, I have people in my life who love me, and that would not survive hearing I died. I've never had that before, and I've never had people to live for before. It's terrifying.

This is both the best and the worst feeling in the world... to know that I get to live for them and that I'm not allowed to die.

Now that my plans include growing old, which is such a WEIRD fucking thought for me. I mean fuck, I've tried to die and begged for death for so many years. I can still feel the pain of my kidneys shutting down, and now I take daily vitamins to stay 'healthy'????

FUCK

No one ever talks about how FUCKING ODD life is after ';'

They just tell you.... fuck, they don't tell you. People have always avoided talking about this. They just talk about how 'greateful they are to be alive' and all the bullshit about how great life is!

And it is, but it's also, it is terrifying. I go to work and talk and smile to people in passing glances. I have a regular, schmegular life, and in the back of my mind when having a conversation about something so insignificant like "do you like pineapple on your pizza?" While I'm thinking about how I thought about walking into traffic that morning.

YES I DO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA, AND I CAN EAT WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT NOW BECAUSE ME AND MY BODY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!

...I'm looking at all the scars on my body and... idk man, I don't hate them anymore, but I wish I had been kinder to myself. When I think about making new ones I just have some water and a granola bar instead.

Such a stupid fucking internal dialog too 'hey you wanna do something bad to your body?' "Nah, lets have a snack instead" lmao

And 90% of the time, it actually works!

I love my support group, and I know I stress them out. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say they were loved. I mean, my friends are flying into town for my "congrats on beating your record for consecutive days alive" birthday party 😂 and ik its gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, but its not for them. I like living for me.

Anyways... Now that my plans include growing old, I have to take care of my body. And I'm so fucking excited to grow old that I can't even express it in words. I get to live and watch my friends live. I can have a family and make it as big as I want, fill it with all the love and kindness the world never showed me. I want that. And I am so excited to experience the days as they come. I'm ready to be the kindness for others that no one was for me.

I still think about it all the time. And sometimes, it's really hard to push those thoughts away. Some days, it still feels like I'm drowning. Some days, I think how easy it'd have been if the thoughts had won.

And other days, I get to smile at strangers, or have a yummy drink, or feel the warm Sun on my skin in the cool autumn breeze, or eat sushi, or gossip with someone that loves me. Hell, even getting to write the damn stupid vampire fanfics is a good day for living, lol.

I am so excited to help other people live, too...

But also, fuck. Now I have to take care of myself??? It's not just "dang, i got tenitus?" *shrugs in suicide*

GAH

But also, yay. Lol.

Life is so fucking weird man. But it's good to be alive. 🩷