#idk i’m just bummed about it lmao even though it happened like a week ago

[atsvmi]

tmi in the tags :))

[0bianidalas]

i was tagged by @honestlyfrance. thanks for this, it’s so much fun!

WHICH OF YOUR FICS…

…did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got?

writing for buckyrhodey it’s a guarantee that i’ll get low reaction but my on-going baby Distant Stars it’s a monster of a SteveTony fic disguised behind a so-far false pretense that is a shared fic with BuckyRhodey. 

…got a better reaction than you expected?

definitely my previously (as of, literally a few days ago) most kudo’ed work, The Mess That We’ll Become (leaves something to talk about) for the Élite fandom. Not only did I not expect to get that much attention because the fandom is arguably smaller than other fandoms I had written for so far but also because not a lot of people seemed to be into the MMF ship the fic is about lol 

…is your funniest?

i consider myself to be a very fluffy, funny-crack fic writer so almost all my works have some sort of funny bit or dialogue here and there but if I had to pick the funniest it would be both of the series of the Holy Trinity and their Token White Guy: The One With The Back-Seat Drama, The One With The Lousy Method To Help Sleep, aaand this WiP I don’t know if I’ll ever pick up but sigh, it had a couple of really funny three chapters

…is your darkest or angstiest?

i don’t usually write too angsty or heavy fics bc it’s tiring to get in that mindset now but years ago I guess I was more into it and I wrote You’re Still Written In The Scars On My Heart, which still has a happy ending anyway, bc that’s who I am as a person. Also, I think Until We Meet Again bc I was coming from the Endgame trainwreck and it hurt to write. 

ps. I am in the process of writing yet my angstiest fic as a continuation of my last buckyrhodey fic and I’m really excited abt pushing myself further with that. 

…is your absolute favourite?

Now, what kind of question to ask a writer is that? It’s like asking a parent to pick between children. That being said, I do have favorites but never just One favorite bc no. 

Reason Why (if only because it was the first lenghty -by my standards- fic I managed to finish) 

Distant Stars (bc duh, I’ve been working on it for longer than two years now)

I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss (bc even though it’s a little plot-less AU, I think it’s a testament to how much I think I’ve improved in my writing)

…was easiest to write?

I think To All The Boys Rhodey’s Loved Before was pretty easy because I just had to take from the bits of the movie that worked for me and then the scenes I added for this own AU came to me from the beginning so I never really struggled with anything to write this. 

…was hardest to write?

Smut is my absolute kryptonite when it comes to writing something so the begining of I’ve never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss was a Challenge (tm), as well as a few others of my early BuckyRhodey stuff. 

…has your favourite lines/exchange/paragraph? (Share it!)

ok, I’m going to INDULGE myself with this lmao: 

“Blood-filled hands like his don't get to hold such precious things.” -- from I Love You (ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?)

“What a pair we are,” Rhodey says, amused.

“What a pair we are,” Bucky says, in love. -- from Reason Why

“It’s somewhat astonishing —Rhodey muses as he watches the TV in the American embassy unfold the current events happening at the Vienna International Centre — how fast can shit hit the fan.” -- from All Misinformation Open To Interpretation

“Stark is dead and it definitely sucks more than Steve fucking off to another universe to retire. But gone is gone, no matter how you slice it.  And it takes miserable and lonely to know miserable and lonely.” -- from Until We Meet Again

“He was being touched with the uttermost care, kissed by soft lips. He was being wanted as if he was brand-new and unscarred.

Rhodey had managed to caress and love every corner of him that Bucky swore he would hate. Rhodey had proven him wrong.” -- from (I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night) And now I see daylight

“Even shit-faced, Carla Rosón Caleruega was a sight to see.” -- from Hesitate

And from my last few works: 

“Life’s about the little steps. From holding your own head up to your first movements crawling, to standing up and falling until you walk. From talking to reading to writing. From pre-school to high school to college.

From falling in love to falling into your grave.” -- from I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss

“Alex really thought they could’ve made it work before, but as they got older he just realized he and Luke weren’t as birds of a feather as they once were.

And soon it became either their dream or their relationship and they both agreed on something, after all.

Even as he broke both of their hearts, Alex knew he would love Luke forever. He just wasn’t sure about how.

Luke was kept busy writing, Alex was kept busy playing-pretend with his family and Church camp.

But they didn’t drift apart, could never have been able to, so they just had to endure a few awkward weeks of uncomfortable silence and bitter arguments about the band.

Until Alex and Luke were fifteen, and Reggie came blasting into their lives like a saving grace.” -- from Time Will Stand Still (if we stay young in love)

…have you re-read the most?

definitely Distant Stars. Each time I get a writers block or I get bummed out about writing it, I re-read it to find my motivation again

…would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time?

lmao i really dont know. probably Hesitate or the last three fics I’ve posted for the Julie and the Phantoms fandom. Also,  I've never seen a mouth that I would kill to kiss just bc my beta readers did an amazing job with me on that one.

…are you most proud of?

Again, I would have to say Distant Stars. The amount of time I’ve put on that fic and love I’ve poured it’s like no other. It’s the one work I keep going back to. 

I really have no idea who to tag now bc i’ve lost touch with so many of my mutuals who also write so idk, IF YOU SEE THIS AND YOU’RE A WRITER: I’M TAGGING YOU! DO IT, IT’S SUPER FUN!

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #250

"you’re so pretty, dripping sin.”

Do you plan on having children in the future? No. How big is your house? It's very small. Two bedroom, one bathroom. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, yes. The planet being inhabitable, probably at some point. The universe itself, life itself, won't, though. Describe your handwriting: Very fancy/fluid, a weird mix of cursive and print. Can you speak any other languages than your first language? Some German, but not a lot by now. I've lost a lot of memory of it. If you could speak another, which would it be? I wanna be fluent in German, but it's not something I pursue 'cuz I guess like... why. I don't think I'll ever really apply it to my life, nor is it something I'm DYING to do, so paying for classes just seems. Idk. What is one trend you think is stupid? I don't care. Let people enjoy things. Do you ever watch any soap operas? No. Do you ever get goodnight or good morning texts from people? Not usually. If I do, it's only ever Sara. When did you last go to the doctor and what for? I'm assuming you mean a general doctor, in which case, I think it was just a regular check-up a month or so back. Are you socially awkward? To a painful degree that I'm incredibly sick of. Can't be in a social situation and not feel uncomfortable even if it saved my ass. Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? It would depend on my mood, but horror would usually win. Do you know where your family came from? Europe. If you could choose to be any mythical character, which would you choose? Realistically, probably like, an elf or something 'cuz they're pretty unlike me so it'd be a nice change. :^) Where are both of your parents right at this moment? Mom's at church, and Dad is probably at home 'cuz it's Sunday. Have you ever seen a movie so ridiculous you couldn’t watch the rest? Yep. Does it make you angry when people text short messages back? If I'm seriously trying to have a conversation, it doesn't make me *angry*, just aggravated. What is your favorite animal and why? Meerkats. I could write a damn essay on why, but I'm not up for it, so basically, they are just extremely interesting animals with serious fire in a foot-tall body. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Have you ever kept a successful diary before? Not really. Well, I guess for short periods of time. I'd call them just "journals," though. It was something to do every time I stayed in the hospital, a good, insightful thing even, and just really at my lowest times, it helped me, but I never stuck to it. Are you good at admitting your problems? I think I'm very honest about them, really. Have you ever had a hangover? No. What is something you’re looking for in the next three months? I don't know. What’s something you normally cannot spell on your own? I have trouble with certain words where "e" or "a" could both easily be used (ex., "independEnce"), so I rely on spellcheck with words like those a lot. Looks or personality? Which is more important to you? Personality. Do you know any strippers? I don’t think so. How many times have you dyed your hair? Holy fuck idk. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Cranium games. Do you think you eat healthy? I think I eat decently. Since I started paying attention to calories, I improved a lot. How would you describe your style of speech? Are you a fast/slow speaker? Do you stutter often? Generally, I think I speak quietly (but sometimes actually too loud, according to Mom) at a pretty normal pace, sometimes kinda fast, but I stutter a lot. When was the last time you’ve visited a family member’s house? What was the occasion? I haven't been to anyone's in a while... I think the last time was when I went to Ashley's to babysit my nephew a few months ago. Have you ever tried to construct a language? How do you feel about fictional languages (such as Dothraki and Klingon)? Not really. One of my old RP friends and I kinda-sorta had this "ancient meerkat language," but it was faaaar from developed. I don't feel any particular way about fake languages. Were you born and raised into a certain religion? What was it and have you changed your religion? Yes, Roman Catholicism. I've changed my religion quite a few times... Well, I don't like "changed." It just developed away from what was instilled in my head as a little kid. How do you usually feel when one of your favorite television or book series end? This doesn't apply to me really, because I haven't been involved in those things for a long time. The only one that I really cared about/was watching when it was current content was Meerkat Manor. I was sooooo so bummed out. That show had such, such, SUCH a colossal impact on my life. What do you like most about your town or neighborhood? Nothing. Well, it's small. Are you looking forward to any upcoming events? I'm obviously anticipating Mom starting chemo this week, but also very nervous. I don't want to see the physical toll it takes on her. What were your first impressions on your current best or closest friend? Lmao it's still funny to this day to me, our start... I just didn't like her. I thought she was over-dramatic and attention-crazed. What would you do if you knew a person that you were not fond of or even disliked, but they considered you as a friend? Would you confront them, avoid them, etc.? "I wouldn’t confront them unless something happened that made it come to a head. I’d try to be civil yet non-committal. It would also depend how I knew them and how much I had to interact with them." <<<< This. It doesn't seem necessary to just randomly walk up to this person and be like "hey you know you're not my friend, right?" Just leave it be unless something occurs where it seems more relevant. What are some things that you do to make you feel relaxed? Listen to music, nap... How often to do go to concerts? What was your favorite experience so far? Not even nearly enough because 1.) I'm not in a position where I can afford tickets and 2.) NO good bands like, ever come here. We only ever have country bands. The only concert I've been to was Alice Cooper, which was great. What is your newest and/or current passion? Newest, uhhhh. Idk man. I have a lot of current passions, but none surpass the Blazing Inferno of Love in my heart for Mark Edward Fischbach. Do you still have a fear that you had held since childhood? If not, how did you overcome one or more of your childhood fears? Yes, dolls. It's really mild now, but still, I really don't like porcelain dolls. What is your favorite type of weather? In general, a moderate snow. To actually be in, ohhhh man, gimme that cool, crisp fall air with a partly cloudy sky, very little to no breeze, depending on how cool it is. Do you watch documentaries? If so, do you have a particular favorite? I love animals docs. Meerkat Manor is of course my favorite. Is there a particular sentence or line from a book that carries a deep meaning to you? What is that sentence/line and why does it speak to you? I'm sure there is, but none immediately come to mind. When's the last time you ate bread? A couple days back for a sandwich. What's the last movie you watched on your own? UHHHHHHHH I think it was The Shining. Great movie, so glad I finally watched it. What about the last movie you watched with another person? Now this I'm unsure about, but I want to say The Lion King (live action) with Dad. What about the last movie you saw at the cinema? Was it good? ^ It was fucking great. I mean maybe I'm biased because it's my favorite movie, but either way, the hate it got shocked me. I know people were upset about like "oh they looked so emotionless" but like... they're animals made in the most realistic portrayal possible. I thought that was very cool. Do you attend school, college, or uni? I'm a college student. What do you study, wherever you study? Photography. What industry do you want to be a part of when you’re older? At least SOMETHING with art, or even animal rescue and conservation. How many girls can you trust? Like, two. What about guys? Also probably two, maybe three. How do you earn your keep? I don't. I don't/can't work (at least right now) and my disability case was just denied for the second time, so, y'know, I'm basically a leech. If you could speak three different languages fluently, what would they be? Not including English? German, Japanese, and Spanish, for convenience's sake. Who do you usually text the most? My mom or Sara. Baths or showers? Showers; baths gross me out. Cheese or tomato? Noooot a tomato fan, so. At least I like some cheese. Shaved legs or shaved arms? ??? I mean I think shaving your legs is more noticeable, but I don't care. I'd only ever shave my legs (I mean unless I had a good reason to shave my arms?), but shave whatever you want, dude. How many coats do you own? One winter coat. What about shoes? A handful, though I only ever wear my sneakers or flip-flops, lol. One word to describe your most recent ex? A soldier. Fried, poached, boiled or scrambled eggs? I will only ever fully eat scrambled eggs. Boiled, I'll only eat the whites. Fuck yolk, shit's gross. Have you ever been surprised with breakfast in bed? No. Where, in your current cournty, would you like to live, other than where you do now? Western NC, in the mountains. It's beautiful. Where wouldn’t you want to live? Several places, like North Korea. Do you like snow? I'm a kid when it comes to snow, I love it. Have you always got good grades? Up until college, I did... Do you like sheer clothing? With something under it, yes. List four things about your facial appearance: 1.) It's this really weird mix of dry as hell and oily; 2.) I have blue/gray eyes; 3.) I wear large, black-rimmed glasses; and 4.) I have a vertical labret in my bottom lip. List four things about your general appearance: 1.) I'm fat even though I've worked my fucking ass off to keep losing weight for two years now :^); 2.) I have some but certainly not enough tattoos and piercings; 3.) I'm very pale; and 4.) I have very short, brown hair that needs to be dyed immediately. List four things you like about yourself: 1.) I'm extremely empathetic; 2.) I care a fucking LOT about the people I love; 3.) I'd say I let myself fall kinda easily, yet I'm resilient as shit and will always get back up; and 4.) I'm extremely open-minded and capable of considering a whole lot. List four things you dislike about yourself: 1.) MY GOTDAMN WEIGHT; 2.) my teeth are too yellow for my liking (I've been exceptionally self-conscious of that lately as I've used whitening strips); 3.) I'm extremely impulsive with what I say and do when I'm seriously upset; and 4.) I will, without fail, jump to the worst possible conclusion in any and all situations. List four of your favorite TV programs: 1.) Meerkat Manor; 2.) That '70s Show; 3.) Fullmetal Alchemist (+Brotherhood); and 4.) Deadman Wonderland. List four of your favorite foods/drinks: 1.) Mountain Dew Voltage is my absolute worst enemy; 2.) I will ANNIHILATE the spicy shrimp fritas from Olive Garden; 3.) the shrimp & cheese quesadillas from Mexican restaurants are not safe either; and 4.) pizza is, of course, rather gucci. Cats or dogs? Idk, I really like both. Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? Hunty I live in NC, that doesn't happen here. Are you hungry right now? No. What do you think of couples who have entire albums just for them, with pictures of them just randomly at home, doing nothing that really requires a photo? Dude, I love that. Cherish every moment with each other. Make memories, freeze them in pictures. Can you work the microwave? Well, considering it's the only thing I cook in and we've had the same one my entire life (ours is extremely old/can't be bought anymore and is SERIOUSLY durable with time, apparently, as it works perfectly), I know it well. Can you work the washing machine? Heh. Not really... embarrassing as that is. My mom does both of our laundry together, so... but I should seriously still know. She's shown me a few times, but with how abominably horrid my memory is, I forget again and again. There's too many options. Do you like your photo being taken? NO. Have you ever got into a club, whilst being underage? Never been to a club period. How many magazines do you buy a month? None. How many of them are car-related? "If I did, they certainly wouldn’t be car related. That doesn’t interest me at all." <<<< Big same. What about fashion? Well, I'd like ones that offered alternative clothing choices that you could order. Any celeb gossip ones? Ew. What pets do you have? We're about to have only two: my snake Venus and cat Roman. With Mom's cancer diagnosis and both chemo and surgery coming along, she simply can't handle our dumb dog anymore. He's needed to go for a LONG time, so we're trying to find a new home for him. Last gig you went to? Still Alice Cooper. Next gig your going to? Should Ozzy still have his concerts like he wants to after his treatments in Sweden or wherever it is, most likely him. Mom and I planned to, and we will absolutely go if he reinstates them. I'm completely understanding if this doesn't happen though; he has to take care of himself, the poor 'ole man. Bless him. Life's a cruel bitch, giving a legendary singer Parkinson's (it's going to disable him from singing with time). Favorite color? Pink! o: Are you regularly tired? Only always, my friend. Are you excited to live on your own? Completely alone, no. I know it would be extremely unhealthy for me with depression and becoming so easily lonely and unmotivated without encouragement and companionship of some sort. I'll have to live with a spouse. Even then, I'm nervous about it. Living with Jason and our friends in that apartment was both a good and very bad experience; it taught me a good deal of independence, but I still found it very stressful. When do you plan on moving out? When I've been in a long-term, healthy relationship. Do you daydream? Only all the time. Do you dream at night? More like have nightmares/terrors almost nightly. BUT! They've actually chilled some the past few days!! I don't recall what the dream was (but I'm 90% sure Mark was in it, A SHOCKER), but I woke up laughing hysterically recently, Mom told me. So that could only be a good sign. When you’re sick, do you like to be pampered, or left alone? A mix, but mostly the former honestly. Halp pls. But I also want my time to sleep. Are you superstitious? Nope. How many pictures are in your wallet? Ohhh I'm actually not sure. I know I have a handful of my nieces and nephews. I need one of Emerson now. If someone cries while watching a sad movie..do you laugh at them? ???? That is so insensitive???? No???? How often do you change your sheets? I'm... not sure, actually? I know at LEAST once a month (which probably isn't enough), but possibly another time? Idk, I don't pay attention. I just do when I feel it's time to. Is you bedroom upstairs or down? We only have one floor. Is it true blood is thicker than water? Nope. If you could wish someone out of your life... who would it be? Well, he's not *literally* a part of it, but Jason, as far as in my head. Remembering him, sudden memories, flashback prompts, all that jazz are very much daily events. Truly, it doesn't *really* affect me much anymore, it's just so "normal," but it would certainly be grand if he wasn't the most staple person in my head. If you could be with anyone in the world..famous or not..who would it be? HUNNY SWEET CHILD- Are you high maintenance? Nope. If you could change one thing in the world... what would it be? PEACE. JUST PEACE. No war, no violence in general, just. Handle shit like mature adults. If you could star in any movie... which would it be? None. I'm too self-conscious of myself to be in a movie, and I'm a horrible and extremely awkward actress. If you could live in a fairy tale..which would it be? "Alice in Wonderland." <<<< 100% 100% 100%. If you could live in the past..where would it be? The '80s, baby!! If you could see only one person right now..who would it be? Ugh, Sara. I've missed her to death and desperately wanna hang out. Do you wear shoes in the house? No sir. Do you dream in color or black and white? YO! I only recently learned this is a thing with some people, but I dream in color. What is your favorite accent? British. Do you write poetry/songs/stories? Poetry, occasionally. Stories, well, you could easily consider RP that, as we're all collaboratively writing many. Do you wear socks with sandals? gtfo of here with that shit Would you marry for money? HA, no. Do you have any “in the mood” music you like to listen to? AHAHA YES I'M SORRY. Would you vote for a woman president? "If she was a good candidate in my own personal opinion, yeah." <<<< "This. I want to vote for someone who I feel can do the best job. Their gender has nothing to do with it." <<<< Ditto. Are looks/appearances really important? For me personally, not really. Like yes, it's nice to feel physical attraction towards your love interest, but it's a very, very little factor for me, if at all. When you die, do you want to be cremated or buried? Please just cremate me. I really don't wanna be buried. Just taking up space. Do you like to play video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to, though I wish I did... I think I've watched way too many let's plays to where I can enjoy just fine watching YTers I like experience the game, and I do secondhand while getting some good laughs. Do you like Final Fantasy? Which one do you prefer of all? Oh my god, I wish I was more involved in that series, as I know how madly beloved it is. I used to be obsessed with the demo for FFVIII; my sister, brother, and I would play it like mad, but only Bobby could beat it. The final spider-like boss of the demo was fuckin impossible. I did play a lot of FFVII, which I adored, it was just... so long and by maybe over halfway through, I just drifted from it. I need to watch a playthrough of it, honestly, because the story was so captivating and I genuinely would love to witness how it ends. Have you ever caught on fire? WOW no thank fuck. Do you have a YouTube channel? Yeah, but I don't really make stuff anymore. I don't have Vegas on this computer and honestly I'm just not motivated to really make videos. Do you ever go to video game arcades? No. :( Do you care what people think of you? In most cases, VERY MUCH. Not always, though, but it STRICTLY depends on the situation, big time. Like, I'll walk into Wal-Mart in my pj's np, but there are just a lot of things where I will seriously care too much. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. I had one teacher that ALL the girls thought was super attractive, but I definitely didn't have a crush on him... and then later he got fired for sexual relations with one of the students. OOF. Do you like Lady Gaga? I don't mind her, usually. She's got some good jams. "Bad Romance" is legendary. Do you think you have been in love before? Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaadly in love, friends. Do you like Edgar Allan Poe? Love him! Have you ever gotten hit on by some creeper? Oh god yeah and it was awful. Do you bless random people when they sneeze? Yep. Do you have a short temper? No. Have you ever had a yard sale? Yes. Do you go to Barnes and Noble for books, the library or someplace else? I go to Books-A-Million. Do you have an iPad? Nope. Are you scared to die? Yes and no. It's the unknown of what comes after that makes me apprehensive. Do you go to church every Sunday? I never go. Do you think you draw well? I honestly think I draw decently. Have you ever wanted to be a meteorologist? No. Do you like Taylor Swift? Not really, and DEFINITELY not newer stuff, but I will rock hardcore to "Picture To Burn," "Safe and Sound" is positively beautiful, and "Love Story" used to be my favorite song at one point.

[paepsi]

EXO as dumb shit I’ve done, EXPLAINED:

Suho: 

See this picture here? This is me before the moving team. I was so fucking proud of myself for strapping the base of the chair to my roof (it wouldn’t fit through the trunk of me smol hatchback). I thought it was funny that it kinda looked like a kip-pah and asked my friend to take a pic for me here (see my lil peace sign next to my face? im v happy of my jew car). Little did I know that after driving to my new apartment with the whole moving team from IKEA unloading shit from the truck, I would be stuck in the fucking car. I didn't have a knife or scissors to cut the strings and I didn't want to make my dumb assery to be noticed; so instead of asking for help... I climbed out the front window and almost fell flat on my ass. When I stood up and turned around, the whole moving team was just standing there looking at me. The assholes knew I was stuck and let me suffer.

Kris & Kai:

so these moments both happened in the same night. I went to a house warming party for my friend and I didn't know what to bring as a gift, so I just bought two big bags of Hawaiian bread. Now throughout the night, the more I drink, the more impulsive I get. 

I started putting the bread on people's shoulders, slowly piling them up until they noticed. Everyone was pretty wasted so there was no surprise when I had a stack of 4 1/2 buns (I ate half) on my friends shoulder. Anyways- fast forward into the night, I'm craving sweets, so I walk into my friends kitchen and find a jar of cookies. At the time I thought it was a brilliant idea to just put the Hawaiian bread in there so the kitchen looked full; a fair exchange, if you will. At least that's what I thought... I found pictures from the party and it turns out I just ended up putting in a half eaten bun sjzjsj

Fast forward into the morning of the next day, I’m hungover and I wake up wearing mismatching socks (one is mine, the other I have no idea). 

I needed to get home because I had work later that day, so I hop into my car and start driving home. The whole time there was this annoying beeping sound that I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I had such a bad headache that I pulled over to see what the fuck was wrong. I got out of my car, checked the wheels, checked the under the hood, then hopped back inside. I was so frustrated that I banged my head on the steering wheel and just rested my eyes for a sec. When I opened them to look straight ahead at my dashboard, the brake light was glowing bright red. I cried.

Chanyeol: 

One summer evening, I was hanging with my sister and her friends around a campfire. We were roasting marshmallows, drinking, having a good time etc. Eventually later into the night we started getting bored and one of my sister’s friends suggested playing hot potato with the coals from the fire. We’re all game like FUCK YEAH LETS DO THIS. Then we start tossing it around and realize that it’s way too fucking hot, so instead of tossing it’s just everyone spiking the coal to the next person. FYI, I have terrible hand eye coordination and I wasn’t wearing my glasses that night. Every single time the coal was spiked my way it would miss my hand and fly straight into my hair. The next day I woke up, looked in the mirror, skipped breakfast and headed straight to the salon. still looked cute or w/e so I ain’t mad

Kyungsoo: 

Ahhhh, this one is actually pretty personal and happened not too long ago! My mom finally left this dirt bag she’d been married to for the past 16 years. When I say dirt bag, I mean a manipulative, abusive piece of shit. My mom was so tired during her session with the mediator for when they were deciding who was getting what; she took 30-45 minutes to talk alone with them and he took 3 fucking hours putting on this sick sob story. The mediator was so done with him too that they just let him do whatever he wanted. That meant he had the “right” to pick and choose what belonged to him in our apartment. The fucker took EVERYTHING. He took the furniture, the bedroom sets, all the electronics, the spices- HE DOESN’T EVEN COOK. However, a week before then, I bought a huge bottle of vanilla. I needed it to make edible cookie dough, which I was doing everyday out of stress. The day before he finally moved out, I came home from work to see everything wrapped/packed up. I started to get worked up and went to the kitchen to make my cookie dough. When I opened the cabinet to get my vanilla and saw it completely empty, I lost it. I literally screamed and started tearing up all the boxes, finding more shit that belonged to me and stopped when I finally found my vanilla. I went back to the kitchen, happily made my cookie dough and kicked back on "his” couch with my dirty shoes on. Later that night, the asshole came home and screamed at me. I shut him up tho when I told him I’d suffocate him with a pillow in his sleep if he dared to touch me or any of my things ever again. He didn’t stay in the apartment that night lol

Baekhyun:

I think this one might be my favorite story. It all started when a package from my mom in the mail never showed up even though the UPS tracking said it had already arrived on my doorstep. I assumed in meant the package was stolen and got really bummed about it since it had some essential items in there. My roommates felt bad and decided to cheer me up by throwing a house party (woohoo! cue the alcohol!). It started at like 3pm and went on all the way until 4 am the next day. Somewhere within that time frame while it was still light outside, slightly tipsy, I found a ladder on the side of the house and had a strong urge to follow it up to the top; and who am I to deny every desire that comes across my pea sized brain. I was half-way up to the roof when one of my roommates spotted me (let’s call him Big Ned; there were two guys named Ned in our house so we just called them Big Ned and Little Ned; Big Ned is like 6′3″ and Little Ned is like 5′4″). Big Ned started yelling at me to get down and I told him I couldn’t because it was my destiny to reach the top. He decided that there was no use arguing with me and ended up following me to the roof (even though he’s afraid of heights; bless his BFG heart). He’s kinda hard to miss, so when he started making his way up to the roof with me, it grabbed a lot of attention. Some joined us. Meanwhile, I decided to walk around and look into my neighbors yards. I saw a mess of papers in one of the alleys between our houses and joked “lmao that’d be funny if that was my package”. We laughed for a bit then looked a little closer until we realized oh fuck that’s my package. My body moved on it’s own and just kinda scrambled across the roof trying to figure out the fastest and least painful way to get off the roof. Thank the stars for Big Ben holding me back by the collar of my shirt and preventing me from jumping down onto the neighbors fence. Little Ben ended up running over and jumping the fence to get it for me. We still don’t know how it got there.

Tao:

In middle school, I had to go on this field trip to some ranch out in the countryside of Texas. I remember we were all huddled into a barn with a big stage in the back. The teachers grabbed a mic and got on stage to talk about who knows what. Idk I wasn’t paying attention, talking to my friend, in my own world. When the mics go off, everyone starts chattering. At that moment in time, I was extremely preoccupied with my shoelaces when I got a tap on my shoulder from my homeroom teacher. I think she was mad at me for not listening and told me to head up to the stage along with a few other students making their way over. Being in front of others makes me nervous, but when the teachers put a bib around my neck before I got on stage, I was too confused to think of anything else. When another teacher started handing out baby bottles filled with Gatorade to each student on stage, I had to stop them to ask what was going on. And what do ya know, I’m in a baby bottle drinking contest. Before I had time to ask any more questions, they were already counting down to start. Now listen, I’m not the type of person to back down from a challenge so ofc you know I’m gonna suck the soul out of this bich. The reason I can say this confidently is because up until I was 11 years old, I always drank out of baby bottles when I got home from school. I just really liked the feeling?? For me, nothing beat chilling on the couch, watching Teen Titans and drinking fresh cold orange juice from a baby bottle on a hot summer day. Idk but I guess it came in handy since I finished a 24oz bottle under 35 seconds. The rest of the kids weren’t even close to half way through. There’s a picture of me at the back of my school year book holding up the baby bottle like a trophy.

Sehun:

Remember my sisters friends from the campfire? Well I spent a good long summer hanging with her friend group and ended up getting kinda close to this one of the guys (let’s call him Jake). I have a really broad range of music taste and I guess he digged that so we talked a lot about music together. By the end of the summer, Jake threw a party at his house and invited me over. Ngl I wanted some dick so ofc I’m gonna go all out and break out my hot leather Madonna outfit. I head out with my sis and the house is packed by the time we get there. The whole time we’re pretty much just hanging out, drinking and dancing the night away. Some time passed 1 am (I think), I’m sorta outside making out with Jake on the side of his house. It’s getting really hot and heavy. When we finally broke apart for air, he told me he though he was in love with me. I’m screaming internally, panicking and I don’t know what to do. I could tell from way before that he really liked me, but I didn’t think it was to that extent. It doesn’t help exactly that I don’t feel the same way for him. Don’t get me wrong! He was really hot and sweet, but I just couldn’t see myself with him. So what did I tell him? Nothing. My dumb ass was in such a panic that all I could think of was that I needed to run. I did. I ran back into the house, out the front porch, spotted his skateboard and took off. I didn’t really know where I was or where I was going but somehow I ended up at the train station and eventually found my way back home.

Xiumin:

On my 21st birthday, my roommates took me out to a really nice, 5 star restaurant in the city we lived. They're buying me all the drinks I want cause heck I'm finally legal! Now, I think y'all can see a pattern of what happens when I drink. So when Big Ned got a glass of scotch and I had just finished off my last sip of wine, I wanted some too. I asked him to share, using "it's my birthday" to get my way. Ever the gentleman, Big Ben pours half his glass into my wine glass and keeps his raised for a cheers. The whole group joins in and with a shout of Mozeltov, I slam the wine glass down on the table and toss it back. It wasn't until I finished the last drop and tried to set my glass back on the table that I realized I snapped the stem in half. No one spoke, except for Little Ned, softly, "did you... did that really just happen?" Yeah. Yeah it did. Thankfully the restaurant agreed to keep the broken glass off the bill as long as I left the restaurant immediately.

Chen:

On a Saturday night, I met up with a good friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in months. We bought some snacks and drinks then drove to a marina near my apartment (new place in California). The whole night we spent catching up and throwing rocks in the water. I was still a little tipsy when it was time to go home and my friend ended up driving me back. On the way back, I opened a bag and snacked on some pizza flavored goldfish. I was about a fourth of the way through the bag when I decided I didn’t like it anymore and started tossing them out the window. We pull up to a stop light and my friend is trying to make me stop by rolling up the window, but I stick my leg out before he could close it. Next he tries to compromise and said if I wasn’t going to eat the goldfish, I should just put the bag down and remove my leg from the window. My tipsy ass told him no, I was handing out free food. I turned to look at the car next to me, asked (yelled) if they wanted any goldfish and held out the bag to them. I guess the dude thought it was funny and was just like “yeah sure why not, lifes too short to not eat goldfish from a stranger at a stoplight” alksdjflskdj 

Lay:

When I was about 6 years old, I lived out in the suburbs of Fulshear, Texas. The community is really tiny and everyone knew each other. One time, I was playing hide and seek with my siblings, and decided to hide under my moms bed. While I was waiting for my brother to come find me, I fell asleep. A couple hours later I wake up and it’s dark out. The house is empty. I’m calling out to see if anyone is home, checking all the rooms. I thought maybe everyone decided to tag me “it” since I passed out. After a while of not finding anyone, the phone rings and I pick up. It’s my mom sounding out of breath calling to see if anyone found me and took me back to my house. Turns out I had actually been knocked out for 6 hours. Not being able to find me during hide and seek for 2 hrs, my siblings went to get my mom who also started looking for me. After another hour and no luck, she called our neighbors across the street to see if I went over to play with their kids. Ofc they said no and said they would call some other people in the neighborhood to find out if they'd seen me. A few hours later, the whole neighborhood was out looking for me. Meanwhile I'm at home chilling on the couch watching Teletubbies and eating goldfish (the original babey).

Luhan:

My dad took me and my siblings to the beach almost every summer in elementary school. We would always stay at this Holiday Inn right across the street from the sands. At night, we would go “hunting” for crabs with a flashlight and a fishnet. But on some nights when my dad was too tired to go out, my siblings and I would hang in the kids room at the hotel. We were fooling around and just being kids. Then we found a big case filled with tubes of paint. I was excited to do some finger painting but before I could reach for a tube, my brother stopped me to say he had an idea. He dared us lay down our sheets of paper and paint them by jumping on the tubes. Being the youngest of four, I thought this was a brilliant idea and immediately got to work. Set my paper down and lined up the colors I wanted to use. I jumped.... Only a spec of paint made it onto the paper... The rest beautifully decorated the off-white walls of the kids room. We all just froze because oh my stars we’re gonna be in so much trouble. Turning to each other, we made a very strong pinky promise to not tell a soul what happened. The next day when we returned to the kids room, the case was gone, faded splotches of green and purple remained on the walls, and a big paper taped above reading “NO PAINTING ALLOWED”.

Fun fact: my eldest sister used to write about my adventures for her creative essay homework’s in middle school.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/02 NXT 11/04 NXT UK 11/05 Smackdown 11/06

Raw:

Alexa just says, “he could be here,” then starts laughing. She’s like a walking red flag.

Love the difference in ‘play’ and ‘pain’, and I love how she’ll wave with either one depending on her intentions. Interesting to note that she’s left-handed, so every time she uses her right for ‘play’ it is absolutely a conscious decision.

Great editing to have Alexa disappear.

Randy’s got a hard life rn lmao.

Mandy and Dana’s gear looks fantastic.

Wow Lana is hella ballsy coming out there during their tag match.

Mandy Rose trying to use Octopus stretch? What an interesting world we live in.

I understand that Dana and Mandy might want the tag titles, I’m just not sure it’s wise to be fighting your future teammates ahead of SvS :/

Dana and Mandy do good team work, I just wish they’d work on the timing for their synchronized cartwheel + kick combo.

Pretty suplex, Shayna. Shayna’s probably the nicest most harmless bull you’ve ever seen. I become more and more of a fan every week.

Damn Mandy plays perfect defense but Shayna kicked out. Good teamwork though.

So Lana’s a face now because Nia and Shayna are assholes who have been tormenting her for like 7ish weeks? Do I have that right?

Oh sad, Lana accidentally screwed Dana and Mandy out of winning the titles. Ahhhh this is why Lana has no friends.

Lmfaooo. “What cuz [Lana’s] a little butthurt that I put her through a table?” “You put Lana through six tabl--” “I TOLD you NOT to say her name in my presence.” pffftt bye.

Weak finish to that promo. Hella rude to threaten to end someone’s career though, Nia. Hella rude.

I love Alexa’s enthusiasm when she’s the Firefly Funhouse version of herself.

Bro what the fuck. Christ these always have so much to digest.

I don’t... I don’t know what exactly her trick is... was that blood? Are we going for blood? That didn’t look like blood. It looked like melted fucking organs or something (or melted down candy/licorice/gelatin but let’s not get meta and ruin the fun)

I love the contacts. That’s an interesting look that I wish she’d carry on in her present day matches once she transforms into her evil, alternate self. Also noted that he used his ‘heal’ hand to turn her into the blood spitting, warped version... and I think it was the same last time, right? Was it his ‘heal’ hand last time? What does that mean in his eyes??

These are such a mindfuck ever since she joined his Funhouse. That’s not a complaint.

Why are they having Nia fight in 2 matches tonight? Why couldn’t they push this off a week?

First off, I really don’t like Lacey and Peyton together, and I’m actually quite fond of Lacey. She’s not the best worker, but she’s a fantastic entertainer, and that deserves much more respect than a random tag team with Peyton Royce.

Second, LOL at Shayna immediately clearing off the announce table. This is gonna be tragic and unfair. If I’m Lana, why the hell would I accept this match? Ego? WHAT EGO DOES LANA HAVE lol. This should be pointless in her eyes.

Lana your bravery isn’t gonna get you shit. Is Asuka gonna come out? Cuz that’s the only way you survive this.

Normally you won’t hear me cry about no selling like the dumbass iwc, but Lana did a pretty fucking high worked kick and should’ve nailed Nia in the side of the head/neck. Why wasn’t there a reaction to that? Lame. That should’ve stunned Nia at the very least. Made her flinch? Anything??

LMAO Nia just called her a pathetic piece of crap. Rolling.

Nia breaks up the pinfall attempt on Lana herself x2. Fantastic heel work. Don’t see that enough.

Peep the red marks on Lana’s back. Sad.

Fuck man, table number 7. That’s... that’s sad. Pretty bummed that NOBODY will come help her. 7 fucking times, whew.

Having a lot of the women appear multiple times tonight. Looking at how the Raw women’s division is being booked, I gotta say, SD is kinda over-bloated.

Oh cool I can actually see Alexa’s white tattoo on her shoulder blade in this lighting.

Nikki I’d advise you to not speak ill of the fiend. Also lesbireal, you iced her out the second you didn’t win the title against Bayley all those months ago.

Fucking LOVE those contacts why weren’t they a permanent part of her look as this version???

Highlight: Firefly Funhouse

---

NXT:

Ahh I love Dakota and Raquel’s matching colors.

Tbf, Dakota is a stepping stone, she just SHOULDN’T be cuz she’s way too good for that.

Dakota is so fucking scrawny. I really hope she isn’t just deemed a jobber on the MR. She needs to keep that speed up or bulk up a little.

lolol you know what Ember, you fucked around and ate a ringpost. Serves you right.

Nice armbar, Dakota. Now sit up and lock in the dis-arm-her (she won’t)

Dakota’s leading this match, peeped that call.

Ember’s suicide dive is so vicious. Like a missile straight up impaling her opponent.

LOL Dakota dodged the second. Again serves you right, the double suicide dive is Seth’s move.

Damn Dakota fucking NAILED her with that kick upside the head. You seeing stars Ember? Cuz you should be seeing stars. That was NOT a thigh slapper, that had an audible pop.

Yeahhh Dakota is absolutely the face in this match and you cannot tell me different. Ember’s arrogance is infuriating. Girl legit failed on the MR and she comes down there with an ego (in kf) tf outta here.

Love how people in nxt are constantly trying to use the Bank Statement but it NEVER looks as good as Sasha’s. Take a hint.

Love how Dakota utilizes these arm bars, that’s so random to me, has she always used submissions? Probably.

Why are we showing Ember dramatically hulk up like I care?

“This is Ember’s law” WHAT IS EMBER’S LAW FFS

HAHA atta girl Dakota, atta girl. That’s the homie, good for you. Fuck Ember’s law.

Shotzi PLEASE I could actually like you if you didn’t make me want to punch my 27″ monitor every time you fucking howled.

Also why you’d ever choose to face Toni over Rhea is beyond me but whatever.

This is not a whole new Toni Storm. You’re the friggin same. Ember has changed more than you and she didn’t even have a heel turn.

And why is the term ‘stepping stone’ being shoved down my throat this week?

Interesting that Io has chosen to tie things up with Rhea, but that’s to be expected. See now, if I was wwe, I would’ve called up Rhea immediately after this title match took place, but I already know that doesn’t happen.

Odd that they never show footage of Charlotte when they play back clips of In Your House. Triple h really that salty that she beat Rhea? Fuck man, Rhea needed that loss. Did her good.

Io: “I’m not afraid of Nightmare” I liked that.

“2020 has been complete trash,” what a babyface line by Rhea tbh.

Rhea idk when you’ll get to hold the gold again, but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Your best hope is that you’ll win the Royal Rumble. Your second best hope is that they’ll move you to Raw and at some point in 2021, you can potentially make the Raw women’s championship meaningful again... what with it being devalued to hell since Becky left. Your realistic hope says maybe you can hold it by the time SummerSlam 2022 rolls around.

oof Shotzi’s big mad lmao. At least we skipped her lengthy entrance and that stupid howl.

Ohhhh nooooo Shotzi botched a vault like 20 seconds in. Oh man that wasn’t even just ugly, she fucking wiped out. Yikes. Yikes. Go back to the pc hun, practice that a couple dozen times more, cuz that’s the type of shit that’s gonna keep you down in nxt.

“you gotta wonder where [Shotzi’s] mind is” sure... sure...

Oh the tank’s a nod to her cousin in the military, interesting.

That cannonball was way too high anyway, Shotzi. You were never gonna make impact with that.

Holy shit Shotzi looks sloppy as fuck tonight. Usually it’s her ring work that I compliment, but good lord. Out here looking like the low card.

“Shotzi Blackheart just has not been herself so far in this one,” no this is practically a carry.

Yikes these restholds. Awful match. Do a Storm Zero and call it a night.

Christ and Shotzi fumbles on Toni’s Northern Lights Suplex. Mk.

“This match has certainly lived up to the hype” wow then y’all have LOW expectations.

No she didn’t get all of the ddt, and she could’ve ended her damn career with a dumb move like that for some throwaway tv match. Holy shit she’s such an extreme indie performer.

WOW so we sit through this long ass dreadful fuck up of a match, do a potential career ending move, then the ref just... stops counting cuz ???? and Candice pops up on screen just to get Shotzi’s attention. Hello? WHAT IS THIS TRAINWRECK. Negative 8 points to Shotzi and Candice (just because I don’t like Candice) and plus 3 to Toni for having to deal with this bullshit on her second match in nxt.

Dumb. Toni should’ve been counted out, and she should’ve been allowed to hit Shotzi with a finisher. Dumb.

lmao fuck that tank. I don’t even like Candice, either. gg. Plus 2 points.

I thought Toni was a heel? Lame. Negative 2 points for continuity.

If Xia says the letters from her family are personal, then they’re personal. Leave her the fuck alone, tmz.

Xia vs Raquel?? Lol good luck man.

Highlight: Dakota vs Ember

---

NXT UK:

Ah a squash match for Jinny, mk.

This girl looks ridiculous.

Nice impact on the Irish Whip into the corner.

Lol no selling Jinny’s stomps, ooookay.

Jinny has this aggressive wrestling style, but I feel like Bayley could toss her around lmao.

Someone give me a dollar every time Jinny calls her ‘stupid’ so I can buy a new car.

Kay so this James girl is hella athletic, that’s nice.

Rolling lightning kick? That’s your finish?? A recklessly blind heel kick while somersaulting??? Alllright, anyway.

lol plz, you’re no queen.

Ah yes a match I have ZERO interest in: Piper vs Jinny. Give KLR a squash match, I’m bored.

SPEAKING OF MY UK QUEEN

Jeeze look at KLR’s arms. Whew.

She’s so much more entertaining than the rest of the division, holy hell.

LOL KLR. Look at her sell that fear. What a fucking performer, goodbye. All the points to KLR.

Piper, KLR’s hair is way too fucking gorgeous for you to be pulling her around by it. The blatant disrespect. And you dare touch her title? Rude. RUDE.

Highlight: KLR existing

---

Smackdown:

Great video package but I have to highlight the way Sasha just sat there against the ropes staring at Bayley for what, 2 minutes? Before even acknowledging she had won the title. That was fantastic.

What’s funny is I watched their hiac match live cuz I wasn’t sure Sasha would actually win, but I never bothered with this one, because I KNEW Sasha’s curse had been broken. I knew it’d be against Bayley that she’d retain her title for the first time.

kekekek Bayley’s so fucking obnoxious.

Beautiful opening sequences. Not often can people do that particular sequence with Sasha, I think I’ve only seen Becky do it on the MR (could be mistaken)

Nice baseball slide while pulling Bayley’s ankle off the apron. Smooth af.

Jeeesus Bayley launched Sasha into the air just for Sasha to smack the apron and crash hard on the floor. Points to everyone.

Bayley playing gassed as if she’s actually tired, when we all know this girl’s stamina is aces above the rest.

Beautiful elbow drop to Bayley as she’s hanging off the apron.

Bayley sort of no sells the backstabber and goes for a messy Bayley to belly as Sasha counters into her Bank Statement. The idea for that sequence was there, the execution was not.

Oh shit Bayley hit her with the Eddie Guerrero swerve that didn’t pan out, and then popped a backstabber on her. Lmao nice.

Sasha kicks out of a Bayley to belly and flying elbow. Guess we’re showcasing her resilience as a champion. Solid.

Bayley’s so fucking fast. I love watching her wrestle when she’s not spending all of her time on the defense, holy shit.

Lmao now Bayley has her in the Bank Statement. Nobody does it like Sasha though, and there’s why.

Great match, great match. Real treat. Le curse is finally broken.

Peeped Sasha kicked her in the face on the apron, just as Bayley did when she turned on her. Nice storytelling. I enjoyed the in ring stuff with these 2, but holy shit I’m glad this feud’s over.

Man oh man do I hate Mella’s lipstick lol. I do, however, like her as Sasha’s first opponent.

Nattie: “I shouldn’t have been put in that triple threat match,” Also Nattie: “I think we should do a triple threat match,” Is ‘crazy cat lady’ ALWAYS going to be Nattie’s gimmick?

I really hate seeing other women besides Charlotte wearing Gucci, and I know that’s fucking insane but it is what it is.

This should’ve been on the show, wtf wwe. 

Do the commentators not know what’s fucking happening lol?

The speed of this is as if they were told they have 3 mins, make everyone shine.

Just watched a match where Charlotte hit a Natural Selection on Nattie while Nattie had the Sharpshooter applied to someone, and she bumped it perfectly. Why that Running Bulldog looked atrocious, I’ll never know.

Should’ve given me the video explaining why this match is happening. Did Sasha and Bayley go over time? Dumb that this was so rushed.

hahaha Nattie got fucked out of 2 svs team qualifying matches in a row. That’s hilarious.

Highlight: Bayley vs Sasha

---

*Raw shined the brightest as a whole, but Bayley vs Sasha was the star segment of the week.

[survivormagictreehouse]

Episode 1: “Why is my tribe all these musty men and Ruthie?” -Ali

-I'm writing this pre-cast reveal and I'm scared shitless. Dear future Jess, Don't puke before tribals because of anxiety. Don't let the m*n tell you what to do. Don't get in your head and trust your gut. Sincerely, Pre-Cast Reveal Jess.

- Now where do I begin.... It's day 2? I believe.... in this game and I've already spiralled and showed the signs of a future crackhead. In all seriousness though, I've calmed down and the initial shock of cast reveal has worn off. I was a bit shook seeing some of the people in this cast playing. I've literally hosted a large chunk of these people so I REALLY HOPE NONE OF THAT COMES TO BITE ME IN THE ASS (I don't think it will). I hope people realize I wasn't really paying close attention to their games when hosting.. and if I was... I have the memory of a pebble. I'm sure none of that will have an impact on anyone besides maybe Ali. BUT ALI IF YOU ARE READING THIS.. DAY 2 JESS REALLY WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU! Now lets talk about my tribe: - We got Rachael/Zach who are super close or at least have some sort of connection through his sister. - We got Birch/Keegan regardless of whatever they are pushing about doubts with each other I can see them cleaning that slat in the name of numbers. - Me and Gavin because I'm the only one he knows in this game. - Possibly me/Timmy if he wants to work with me. - Possibly me/Chips hoping he remembers I did show how blindly loyal I was to him the last game we were in.... - Bodhi might be in with people like Zach (who he was hosting) and Rachael. - John honestly... I have no idea about. He's such a wild card for me. My overall thought process and game plan right now is... BLUID THOSE RELATIONSHIPS! I think I proved with my challenge performance I am an asset to this tribe but I want to show people I can be an asset to them. I can see us swapping at 16 so I'm going to be around this tribe for a bit so I need people to want me around. So far I'm getting along with Keegan he seems like a cool cat. I'm also aware he's probably a cool cat in everyone's eyes but for right now.. I really like him! Birch is definitely a social beast. From what I remembered they were an extremely social player in the season I hosted them but they are very transparent with their information which does scare me. For the time being though, I'll attempt to work my magic with them and build that trust so the information spills to me.. Rachael is a queen. I really want to work with her because I do see similarities between our playing style which is something I always gravitate towards in games. I'm naive and I do know she has other people higher up on that trust-ladder based off of initial relationships but I do hope to somehow climb that. Although I do know she will be a power play in this game, I know I'm going to need other power players around me to ensure there is a target ahead of me. She also brings connections which typically brings in information. So rather than be a crackhead and go for her (which is what cast reveal night Jess thought about) I'm going to try and work with her. Zach.. honestly, I don't know how much I have in common with a teenage boy so that might be a road block between us. He is one of those key-relationships I hope to build off of through Rachael. I will also die if Rachael/Zach aren't that close and I'm just rambling shit right now. Gavin is one of my FIRST ORG friends and I'm SO HAPPY TO SEE HIM PLAYING THIS GAME. I don't think anyone right now knows we are close but I'm not afraid to cut him if it means I go further in this game. I'm not really sure about my tribes chances for this first immunity challenge. Everyone aside for a few people on this tribe seem like they have their shit together in this challenge. I know the "movie trivia" crew snapped hard and my back hurts from carrying my tribe but.... our chances of winning rely on Timmy (who is on vacation), Gavin who is probably working or something, and Bodhi who is hosting currently. So to say I'm confident.... would be a giant ass lie. I'm excited for the idol search to open up SO BAD.

-Cast is revealed and game starts in a half hour. I’m feeling excited. I hope I do better in this season than the game I did last, 17th. Ughhhhhh, grosss

- I’m having fun doing the quotes, it’s interesting. I feel like I’m getting along well with everyone. I’m trying to talk to them all and interact. If I’m amusing they won’t get rid of me. Right? Right? Somebody tell me I’m right

-Okay tea time!  I'm really excited. I had to add A LOT of people I have never talked to before and I always like doing that because I LOOOOVE playing with people that don't know how I play and also getting to know clean people and starting with a clean slate! The only people I had added on my tribe are Jay and Ali and I LIKE that!   I'm excited to talk to people, scope everyone out a little and see what I need to do.  This game and the theming is SO CUTE and I can't wait to see what all happens next!

- https://youtu.be/MY-s5k1n7sI

why is my tribe all these musty men and ruthie what did i do to deserve this.

https://youtu.be/LPxSC_ZjZIc

https://youtu.be/ojw9T8GsbaA

-That 36 person cast twist not being real...big disappointment, I was hoping for a huge mess where someone cries. But 20 people, good size. My tribe seems like good people so this should be exciting.

- So we lost the first immunity challenge. Seems like it’s unanimous for John to go. Works for me as he is who I wanted out when I woke up this morning since we hadn’t spoken. He keeps saying he wants someone who was weak in the challenge out and didn’t tell me a name but told Rachel, Bodhi. Funny thing is, John did worse in his challenge than anyone in the quotes group so therefore his own logic can be used against him.

-AHHHHHHHHHHH MY PEOPLE ARE HERE I DON"T KNOW WHO I WANNA WORK WITH. There is king ali, my bae Austin, bestie jay, and really old time friend Collin in this one tribe. I'm not even counting people on the other tribe. I'm gonna lose so hard. I'm crying tho

-When I was meeting my tribe for the first time I was thinking that we have a very good group here. I'm glad to see Bodhi again cuz I haven't seen him since Trinity: P&P a few months ago. I think that with the additions of Birch and Keegan to our tribe I think we're gonna win some challenges. So I'm hoping for the best and not the worst for this team.

- So we're all waiting for the results of the 1st challenge, and I'm feeling a little nervous that my tribe may lose, but I'm hoping that we do win because I want this season to start off on a good note for my tribe. I'm just hoping that we pull this off and not blow this.

-the way i was offered a final 2 within minutes of joining the tribe chat. hopefully this ages well and you get to see me and bodhi succeed :)

- John is too damn messy and has got to go. PERIODT.

https://youtu.be/L1-ZBhnUQ7U

-I love my Tribe!! I'm super excited to play with Keegan and Timmy again! I'm trying to get closer with everyone else since I haven't played with them before. I'm also kinda nervous for the challenge. I have a weird taste in music so we will see how this goes. I really hope I'm not first boot. I haven't had good placements in my last couple of games, so I'm hoping for better this time! This cast is iconic.

-So my mom got my drunk before the challenge and then tried guilting me into not doing the challenge. we flopped anyway. we are currently pulling ahead in the Movie challenge but it's still early so idk. I really hope we can get the next 2 challenges. I don't wanna be first boot.  

- Ahoy matey! me got cursed t' only talk like a pirate in thar tribe chats n' me alliance chat. So me’m doing dis confession like a pirate. So anyway. me’m in a alliance Wit' Keegan n' Jess. As far as me know our jolly crew only verily talked t' each other. So dis works out. Our jolly crew also lost which SUCKS. me verily hope me’m nay first boot. me might sail after John. All me conversations wit' him be painful. So that’s fun. me like all hands so dis will hard. But let’s see what happens! Birch signing off.

- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Iq3ANGs8M&feature=youtu.be

- Here’s the Tea Link: https://youtu.be/X3J2e4ffmiY

- https://youtu.be/Q80k6g4QUIk

Kinda bummed the movie challenge didn’t go so well hope we don’t have to go to tribal this early

-Hello hello! I am SO happy to be back in atomic Survivor! I feel like things are off to a really nice start and I'm hoping that will continue. For now I'll do a little assessment of my tribe before we find out results for the first challenge. Ali - I've seen him around in the community a lot for years, im pretty sure I was around when he played his first game. But I don't remember if I've ever had the chance to actually play WITH him. He's such a nice guy I've loved talking with him so far Austin - Lmao the funny thing is I actually talked to him for the first time ever like a week ago. A real lucky break that he and I were both part of this casting twist. We immediately started talking and agreed to look out for each other. Cindi - this is my first time meeting her ever! She seems really rad and we've just been talking about life and tattoos and shit lmao. I can definitely see myself working with her in the future. Collin - y'all I LOVE Collin. I just played with him in Mesopotamia, and even though he voted me out I never had any bitterness towards him cause he's just that nice. He's definitely been the person I've talked to the most so far. We have a lot in common and I really want to trust him. But I am still a bit wary bc of Mesopotamia. Czern - I don't really have a read on him yet. Haven't spoken to him too much. Dan - Same as Czern but I haven't spoken to Dan at all Vi - Vi is such a ray of sunshine, I've loved her ever since I met her in Tashirojima. In fact my biggest mistake in that game IMO was voting her out. I'm 100% working with her this time. Ruthie - It's been so long since I've talked to Ruthie and I'm so glad that this game gives me the chance to reconnect with her. An absolute legend and one of the nicest people I've ever met. I haven't talked strategy with her yet but that'll come soon lol Timmy - Yo he DESTROYED that music challenge and I'm super grateful for that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's pretty nice but I don't really have any further opinions on him lol

- Reallllly glad we didn't have to go to tribal tonight. I've been really busy today so it would've been a really rough time. But instead I got to enjoy my day, but of course I socialized with my tribe. I feel really close with Collin, Ali, and Ruthie. Granted those are relationships that started outside of this game, but they're relationships nonetheless. I really vibe with Austin too, even though I talk to him a little less, we're bonded through that opening twist. And the best thing is Austin mentioned vibing with all those people + Vi (who's great as well, I just haven't talked any strategy with her yet) so I smell an alliance starting sometime soon. I just feel really well about the start of this game and im hoping it can last.

-First confessional of the season! I debated making a video but then I realized that's a lore more work and harder for me to have actual organized thoughts. Going back to the start of the game: I know RACHAEL, BIRCH, CHIPS, JAY, VI, CINDI, DAN and RUTHIE. The only person I don't know anything about is CZERN. So I've got a pretty stacked cast of people I can potentially work with moving forward. But I currently have three goals for this season: 1. Make the merge or swap so I can play with VI. Even if we don't work together, I'd love to play with her! She rules! 2. Make sure JAY gets voted out before myself. As a fellow winner, THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE. 3. Make sure DAN gets voted out before myself. He's a sneaky snake and I won't ever trust him after Nova Scotia. First off, I'm in an awesome alliance with BIRCH and JESS. It's only three people so it's not a clear majority but it's a good start. We formed this literally 10 minutes after the challenge had ended. Speaking of the challenge, it was a fun challenge but we did lose. However, JESS, RACHAEL, CHIPS and myself were the only ones who won our portion of the challenge, so I've been subtly hinting that I wouldn't feel right if any of us were voted out. GAVIN told me that TIMMY and BODHI didn't contribute much of anything to their part of the challenge, so that's a possible decision when it comes to this tribal. However, JOHN has been very difficult to have a conversation with and I've been told that him and BODHI won't vote for each other. So right now it's just working with JESS and BIRCH to determine what the best option is moving forward. I'm thinking I can get RACHAEL, ZACH and GAVIN on board with whatever we decide. Tune in later for some more thoughts.

-I wanna say it’s be super eventful but not really. Just a few small things: CHIPS has been telling everyone everything. He told JOHN he was the vote. He told JESS about the GAVIN thing. He needs to learn to keep things to himself if he doesn’t want to be gone next. JOHN tried throwing ZACH under the bus for not being good in challenges. I had a call with BODHI and apparently ZACH is a comp beast. So that’s not happening. If everything is as planned JOHN should be the unanimous vote. I might throw a stray vote on CHIPS just in case of an idol play but I’m undecided.

So this round I got super close with Austin and Collin, and close with cindi, and okay close with everyone else. I killed it in the music challenge because I  did not feel confident I wouldn’t go home if we lost. I need to tighten my bonds and hopefully make a solid group before the next round. I have no real targets atm but Ruthie and I have yet to speak so that’s awkward. I kinda wish I was on the other tribe because I feel like I’d vibe with them better. I had to make sure I was the first to go into the treehouse because I wanted to be open and transparent about what happens in there and make sure that nobody else got to go in and change what actually happens. I’m very excited for the next few rounds tho!

https://youtu.be/e_oVLgNr4ro

Okay so first round is going pretty good so far . I cant believe they put me on a tribe with vi which is amazing bc ride or die right there. I know ali vi collins and jay are def ppl I wanna work with in this game . I mean my whole tribe is great . Dan I know is a wild card and he seems like he wants to work together but I'm not sure if I can fully trust him since he did vote me out last seasons with telling me a damn thing . Cindi was almost in my duplicity season I'm on production for so I know her a bit as well. I know she would probs go with Rachael at a swap or merge which is dangerous .THANK GOD we won the first immunity and I dont have two sorry about a vote bc if I'm honest it would be HARD to decide on a name . Let's see what happens tho I'm ready to play and ready to win

Honestly it seems pretty slow starting. Just working on getting to know the tribe at this point. I really like Collin and Ali but beyond that I'm not getting like amazing vibes from the others. I'm not getting bad vibes either though, just neutral positive vibes if that makes sense

okay, so i have been focusing on getting to know my tribe-mates the past few days because in this game, connections are your lifeline. but, i also didn't want to come off too strong and be perceived as "too social" from the get-go *cough* keegan the snake *cough*. so, i laid back, talked to people (some more than others), and tried to focus on winning immunity. unfortunately, when immunity slipped through our fingers, i quickly got to work socializing and making sure i wasn't the one to be blamed for our loss in our challenge. i felt that i contributed a lot and tried to start discussions and debate about our quotes, and felt as though i didn't get much back from my team. so, i made sure that people knew my group wasn't very communicative and had they communicated more, we could have totally won. i didn't push for a name to begin the round, but i did make sure to let people know who i hadn't talked to in hopes of getting one of their names on the chopping block this round. i made sure to reach out to everyone (even those who didn't reach out to me or seem invested in the game, nor our conversations) because i don't want someone to spread my name as a result. then, it seemed to narrow down to john and timmy. also, it was obviously leaning towards john leaving this round. however, it was not until about a few hours before day change that john had FINALLY heard that his name was going around due to the fact that it was TRULY IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO HIM. funnily enough, this information came directly from chips--someone who i haven't talked to much. thankfully for me, john decided to tell almost everyone exactly what chips had said and no one was pleased to hear that. so, i worked my magic and made sure people were upset that chips tried to throw us all under the bus--because i need to make sure there is a target for next round that isn't me... DUH! later, i asked john what he wanted to do, and he sat there completely clueless. i was completely dumbfounded at his reluctance to say a name when his ass was CLEARLY on the line. eventually, i worked a name out of him, and he said bodhi (who was the only one who wanted to keep him earlier today)... so i obviously went right to bodhi and made sure he knew so i could build some trust with him going forward in this game since talking to john literally made me lose brain cells by the minute, i wanted to make sure he was the one leaving tonight. so, i am hoping everything goes according to plan at tribal tonight, but as long as i don't leave, i am golden with whatever. until next time... xoxo, gossip girl

So basically I'm not in town right now... and IbhopenI can trust people not to vote me until I get back and am less busy. I really bombed the challenge by getting 0 points for my tribe but we won that part... because the other people carried. Good stuff. Anyway we are voting John because he doesn't communicate well and has kind of mansplained the potential different vote? If its true then woohoo I got another round. Also! I got am advantage from idol hunt and thats nifty. 

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Click HERE to watch both out PREGAME and ROUND ONE cast assessments!

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[defunctblogtobedeleted]

9/8/19 8:15pm - Another Weekend Update

So! I just waited through 2 hours of queue, had some nice sush for dinner (just picked up a salmon cut from H Mart, nothing fancy lol), got ahead on my work for the night, and then the server for WoW went down so I guess it’s a sign that I should be doing an update.

I’ve had one hell of a week, actually. It’s only been 9 days but god damn do I have some story updates.  First off, my car is still beautiful. And I’m starting to sit a little pretty myself, just made it to 168.8 lbs. So I’m kinda comfortably below 170 now. :3 Finally went running for the first time since wow came out the other day so hopefully I keep that up lmao. I guess I’ve been out walking around town and dancing and shit too though.  I also got my hair dyed blonde again! I originally got it cut to look like Brad Pitt from Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, with just a little bit of highlighting, but Maya wanted me to go Full blonde again and I was about it. Checked with a bunch of people and they all said I should, and people are loving it lol.

The first night I had it done when I went to karaoke I got asked by a 40 year old woman if I was a model. As if he heard my ego inflating, this big hulking navy dudebro came up to me within 30 seconds of the compliment, got my attention, and asked “hey. I need to settle a bet. Are you a man or a woman?” Like jesus fucking christ lmao.

Anyway. Karaoke was fun, but there were a lot of birthday parties so it was kinda busy and I went off to Circa to hang out with Jacob. We hung out til like 230 talking about shit and then Jill had me over to crash and fuck. 

Hung out with Jill a bunch this week. Accidentally made her oversleep for work one night and she didn’t even care lmao. Our sex has gotten a little better, but she’s still someone I really need to work around which is frustrating.

There was one kind of cool position I wanted to remember, she was laying flat on her belly, left leg cocked off to the side splayed out at a comfortable ~right angle. Having sex with her from behind I was in like a push up position, only using my right arm so that my left could be focused on playing with her pussy. In this position you have sooo much more access to her pussy, it’s not like doggy style where you feel like you’re really kind of stretching awkwardly to get to rub her off.  Just takes a little bit more effort holding the position than doggy obviously. 

Okay so backtracking to Sunday though, holy shit lol. I spent the whole weekend playing WoW. Like I think a ton on saturday, and then I woke up early and was playing on sunday and considered not even going out to boxcar because I knew maya was out of town. But then Manu hit me up and said him, pacos, christina, and vita were going so I was like oh fuckkkk yes.  Went to boxcar, found out they were actually at a different bar, while I chugged down the full bottle of champagne I had bought I talked to this guy about smash bros, and then ran through the rain to go see them and it poured all over me lol. We drank a bit there for a bit, they tried to get a tattoo but couldn’t, we went back to boxcar, had More champagne, I ran into this girl Chelsea that dakota used to go out with at the frat parties who was kinda cute and we talked for a sec, and we’re sitting there playing some foosball when this other girl taps me from behind and says hey how are ya gives me a great big hug, we talk for a few seconds and she walks outside.

I turn to pacos and I’m like “I have no idea who the fuck that is.” So we wrap up our game and I tell him to come outside with me to investigate. Now, I had a pretty simple strategy. I went up to her and asked some basic questions like “hey, so how’ve ya been haven’t seen ya in a bit.” and then she was like “yeah I mean I’m fine haven’t really been doing anything.” and I’m like [shit that doesn’t give me anything to go off at all] so I follow up with “so where are ya living these days?” I don’t know why That’s where my immediate follow up was. Clearly I was predisposed to thinking I was just going to continue running into people from Chapel Hill all night. But she says to me “wait what? I live in Raleigh, we talked about all this like... last weekend.” and I’m like 

oh.

shit.

fuck

me.

Because now it clicked into place that the girl standing in front of me who had gone out of her way to say hi to me was none other than MJ, the girl from the party that I was talking about. I had texted her asking her to come out to karaoke and shit but she hadn’t been able to do anything. Maybe work. Maybe not interested. But she would always respond to my texts quick and then nothing would ever work out on her end. But here she was! Staring me in the face and I didn’t even recognize her lmfao. Luckily she was like “I mean we were pretty fucked up that night, it’s fine.” but goddamn I’m an idiot. I kinda like just was facepalming too hard internally to even carry out conversation after that so we split. I tried saying hi to her later when I bummed a cig but she wasn’t very responsive. I was so frustrated with myself that I had blown it so hard that I nearly made myself sick. Or maybe that was the drinking two bottles of champagne plus beer on top without having anything to eat. Who knows, really. After hanging a while at boxcar we grabbed a hotdog and ended the night at Raleigh Times to eat a little bit before splitting. So good chilling with them. Spent some time nostalgiaing with them and telling stories to Peter who had met up with us. And had a sweet waiter who convinced me to not overeat and save my diet. Lol it was a neat day. Idk. Plus I got to go to Jill’s afterward and hook up with her, so that made up a little bit for fucking things so hard with MJ.

Honestly though, despite what the quick responses would suggest, I think she’s not really interested. I mean she definitely isn’t NOW lmfao.

Mon I was supposed to hang with Melanie but she had to flake because of her mom being in town, so I hung out and played a fuckton more wow. So I got my hair done, did karaoke, went to work, played a bunch more wow, and I’m up to lvl 30. TECHNICALLY halfway but like... effectively maybe a quarter? tops?

So this weekend was Hopscotch. Krey. AND it was the weekend that hurrican Fish$ came through. So Thursday just in case shit hit the fan work pushed all my patients to weds/fri and cancelled. Fucking sick.

 I got to see my karaoke bartender Tyrone play with his band The Black Surfers that afternoon, went to another band called Illuminati Hotties and they were super cute. Was feeling pretty beat so I went home to nap and play melee and chill for a sec. Met up with Dar to have dinner with her and her friends since they were evac’d from southport. Then for the first time I got to go to Night Rider for karaoke, which I had been recommended like a dozen times but haven’t been able to go since it’s on thursdays. 

It. Was. Incredible. Oh my god the vibe is like Emo Karaoke+. Like all the same crowd of non-normies that would go to emo karaoke and all the hype of people screaming for you, but none of the tackiness and forced playlist and overcrowdedness that comes with it. Not that I hate any of that about Emo Karaoke, I love it to death, but it’s amazing for that to happen more naturally.  I was expecting to just go and hang out alone and do a few songs, but my new buddy Matt actually recognized me from emo karaoke when I was walking in. I stopped to talk to him and his buddies steph and brie, and ended up hanging out with them the rest of the night. These two other girls Terri and Que (I think), and this guy Pharaoh also chatted with us and it was hilarious. We were talking about weird sex shit and furries and porn and all sorts of weirdness. Terri asked me and Pharaoh if we were on Fetlife, which made me amazingly happy and no longer embarrassed that I made an account on there about a year and a half ago. She told me that I really needed to try to go to this Fetish Night at Legends, which I had actually seen a post about but wasn’t sure if I’d ever do it because it happens once a month on wednesdays. But after she told me that I got her number and then shot my coworker a text to switch days so I’d work sunday and not wednesday (which is why I’m in right now).  Terri’s this beautiful short black girl with bright shiny purple hair. It’s totally gorgeous. We’ve been texting the past couple days about weird kink shit. I’m really excited to see her there on wednesday. I bought a pair of supreme cheetah print boxers to match the shirts I have, gonna cut a hole out to stick my tail out through and go in just that and ears. It should look incredible. Especially with my new hair being dirty blonde to match the cheetah print. MMMmmm i just hope everything comes in the mail on time.

Anyway, so I had a blast. They were amazed that I was 27 (most of them were 21, matt’s like 32), and I was told “I hope if I grow up to be your age I look as beautiful as you do.” mmm so kind. Actually it’s like the first time I’ve heard that and not that I was babyfaced or that i’ll look good when I’m old so I’lllll take it. Also everyone loves my hair.

AND since I was with my emo karaoke buddy and everyone was seeming like they were into a pop-punk vibe, I did some Blink182 and MCR. Finally busted out I’m Not Okay after practicing it for forever, and I fucking KILLLLLLED it. People cheered the fuck out of me afterward. I felt like I really needed to impress the gang I was with (especially Terri) so hopefully it worked lolol.

Went to Jill’s at 1am, I’m so fucking glad she’s down to chill at night after I’m done doing shit for the evening. It’s really the most low key fwb thing I’ve ever had in my life I think. So cool. Actually she made me wait to bake these brownies when I got there so I passed out lmfao. But we had sex twice on 9/6, my third favorite day of the year so nice lol. (the first being my birthday, and the second being 6/9 lol.)

Saturday I got off work, played wow at home a while, went to hopscotch at like 2. Got to see my karaoke dj Sam’s band play, he was stoked that I made it out. Hung out with brandon going around town for the day. Saturday the main event was chk chk chk, phantogram, and chvrches and I fucking died it was so good. chk chk chk was inspiring, the dude was mooooving despite being a pot bellied 46 y.o. lmao I loved him. Phantogram was gorgeous and had the best underboob I’d ever seen in my life. Chvrches played mostly new stuff and only a few of their hits, but I love them to death so it was still wonderful. And the best part was that me being me I wiggled me and brandon all the way to the front row of the show, we were dead fucking center, practically against the rails. Technically there was one person in front of me but holy shit it was fucking lit. The bass for chvrches was so loud it practically destroyed my ear drums lmao. Gotta get earplugs for next time.

and despite it being 11, that was practically just the beginning of the night lol. Brandon and I met up with Sam for this last concert, but I was pretty drunk and totally exhausted. It was in an indoor amphitheater so as soon as I got my ass in a chair I passed the fuck out for the whole show. They tell me it was incredible. Idk. The sleep was perfect.

Then we started to go to after parties. Brandon and I got a hot dog to sustain ourselves a little and walked over to this place Five somethingorothers and saw the guy from Sylvan Esso playing some club music, but decided it wasn’t our vibe. He decided to go home, and I ran off to meet up with Sam. We went to slims and I met this girl taylor, we talked about flowers or something, and then a big group of us went to this Ruby after party at a big warehouse building that they had rigged up with music equipment and had a fuckton of kegs to supply drinking for the night. I danced and drank til like 6am it was pretty righteous. Well drank til like 5, until the alcohol ran out. We also ‘broke’ into this dilapidated building to the right (it was open) and gave ourselves a little tour lmao.   And it seemed like EVERYBODY that I’ve met the past couple months out at bars and stuff were there. It was so much fun seeing everyone. Alex was there, too, and MJ even showed up at 4am! This time I actually remembered her and said hi first so that was good lmao. She gave me some tequila from a flask but we didn’t really talk much. She was mostly chatting with other guys so I guess she’sssss not really into me. Shame. But whatever so it goes. I’ll just stop hitting her up and see if we keep bumping into each other enough to do something one day, probably the best call. But what was excellent was getting to hang out with Sam and his girlfriend Taylor so much last night. It was so excellent

Now Terri and I, I hope that turns into something weird and beautiful. She just told me she’s into pegging and all sorts of lewd stuff I’m so excited.

This wednesday should be a blast. Idt I have much coming up other than Chris’s wedding in a couple weeks though.

Oh yeah I managed to buy two of my 3 supreme things! I got the jacket and the shirt, just need to get the matching hat and I think I might be done with blowing money on clothes lmfaooo. I guess I need to get khakis for the wedding, and maybe a new pair of shorts or two but that won’t be too much. It feels so nice throwing money around on cool shit and going out drinking and shows and good times lmao. Life is so fucking good right now. 

Hope everything keeps staying as interesting, I’ll keep ya posted.

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

11/6/17, 4:00pm - Stories of a Wannabe Playboy Jerky Jerk

BIt’s hard to preface this entry without explaining why I’ve been gone so long.

I like to think that it’s simply because I write less when I’m staying busy and I’m happy with everything that’s going on. So my life must be pretty fantastic right now. But I’ve been kicking myself to get back into the groove of this and idk why I can’t. Maybe I’m too complacent? I know for damn sure it’s because I’ve gotten lazy as fuck. Well not lazy, but as an anime I’m watching called Nichijou puts it “peaceful.” My free days I’m laying around either happily getting an excess amount of sleep or binge watching another anime or visiting with friends. 

I could go back through my finances and my tweets and try to cover what happened day by day the past two months but that’s entirely too excessive and I think why I quit writing. It’s not creative enough? Or maybe just too mundane. But the entire reason I do this is to capture as much of my life as possible so I’ll be able to remember it later so I don’t really see how capturing the mundanity of it is a problem. I’d suppose it’s just another excuse to be lazy and just capture the highlights.

I don’t really know where to begin. Go backwards? Go forwards? 

I quit buying cigarettes again three weeks ago, been bumming them from people at bars, just bought a new pack today to smoke while I sit on the porch and chalk this out I don’t care if it takes hours or not. 

Ok so it’s a monday, I guess the first thing I want to write about is my past three monday+tuesdays. I’ve hung out with manu the past two weeks, drinking and playing the new south park game. Which was delightful and I’m glad me and manu finally beat a game again. On the mondays we’d stay at his place and on the tuesdays he’d come over to my place out here and weilin would hang out with us, we’d drink and play through as long as we could getting sleepy throughout the day hanging out. Tossed a frisbee around and talked a little about how life was going. Binge ate a fuckton of pizza and shit. Beautiful days. As was the monday before that, when weilin and I hung out. I had just gotten destroyed at the Arcadian this year, which was incredibly disappointing, so I wasn’t really feeling good about melee. Instead we went over to downtown greensboro and just walked around the city exploring. It was really fucking nice. Still going to board game nights intermittently, but september I was going to this tournament out in winston-salem instead because I was really trying to prepare hard. Shame that didn’t work out lol. My buddy marklar told me that maybe I put too much pressure on myself but I really feel like I need to hold myself to a higher standard or I’m not going to try to get any better. I’ll just idle in mediocrity. Which is very true I but I also can’t really imagine putting in the commitment to getting better.  My laptop is starting to break, the screen gets really fucked up lately and I have to smack it around to get it to work right. I want to get a real laptop instead of a chromebook so I can start playing games again. Maybe getting on a netplay grind would be how I get good. I don’t know. I don’t really like the thought of spending money though, since I’ve been doing really well at putting most of my income towards repairing my debt. As a checkup on that I still owe Weilin 8.25k, but I’m down to just 7.5k on my car now, which is kinda excellent. I’m in a much better spot than I was a year ago, that’s for sure. I had to buy a new phone and got the pixel, but dad gave me money for that and I’ve been procrastinating sending my old phone in until I can get the pictures off of it. But even that is a symbol of improvement because this is the first time in my life that I’ve been able to have a really New phone. Like new to everyone, not just to me. 

I think I’ve put on a little weight so I’ve been considering dieting again. Slightly considering. I really don’t care all that much. I went as scott pilgrim for halloween this year, and can compare myself now to how I looked four years ago. My hair even kind of looks the same (I finally cut off all the blonde and so now it’s kinda short brown again, but with a little bit of the yellow kinda dazzling the tips lol). I look a hell of a lot better. I’m getting way more action too lmao, but more on that later. I guess I’m pretty satisfied about who I am right now. Instead of feeling buried and crawling to get out I feel like I’m just jogging on a treadmill. I know I’m not really going anywhere but I’m also sort of making progress I suppose? I haven’t really been doing nearly as much melee this past month, my life is mostly work+going out drinking+anime bingeing and resting. Oh and I’ve consistently gone to karaoke on tuesdays, I’m a regular dive bar attendee lmao. It’s delightfully idle. Quit playing hearthstone and watching hearthstone streams and watching twitch almost completely so those are all good things. I’ll take fucktons of anime over that any day.

Speaking of anime let me write out all these shows I’ve watched.

Seen all the new rick and morty and south park, watched my hero academia, up to date on dragonball super, watching this new show Juni Taisen, watching all the new Shokugeki No Soma week to week, finally watched Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure and now I’ve started the seasons I accidentally skipped, watching Nichijou, watched all of Haikyu, almost restarted kuroko no basket, and I think that’s everything lmao. Watching new Shokugeki No Somas is particularly enjoyable because it reminds me that I’m being more true to myself than I was when I was just idling smoking a fuckton. Like it still embarrasses me when I met up with Kailey the one time and she asked me if I had seen any of the then new season 2 and I hadn’t even heard it came out. “I thought you’d be more excited” still stings a bit, not gonna lie.

But let me take a second to try to list out the most eventful days the past two months to see if I can get this on track and write about the more interesting shit.

1. Brian wedding, 2. date with Taylor, 3. Ashleigh’s Birthday, 4. Tizzlefest Party, 5. Arcadian+afterparty, 6. Lesbian pool bet, 7. Winston Salem Weird group sex night, 8. Maya prehalloween party, 9. Mary Shenanigans+halloween, 10. General becky update, 11. notes of neighbor girl and angie and katie

Ok wow. So I haven’t updated since September 1st huh? 

1. So Brian’s Wedding. Well I didn’t get into the groomsmen so I don’t have a full weekend, just the day of the wedding and that night, but I just had to write how spectacular it was to hang out with Brian Manu Maya Oliver and Christina, as well as Reyad and Alyx and everyone. Getting drunk and stuffing my face with barbecue. Finally burnt through the Jack Daniels bottle I bought for that date with Stephanie like a fucking year ago. Drank more and played some jackbox stuff with people at the groomsman house, played some pool, chatted around a little fire, it was so nice. And even got pangs of nostalgia for Coolidge when I was the last one awake playing Splatoon and manu and christina started having sex so loud I could hear it three rooms away. Fucking classic lmao. Went to Brian’s parents for breakfast the next day. His wife is a sweetie. Then idk I think I went home to watch shitty horror movies with Becky, pretty great.

2. This girl Taylor. The story starts with this smashbros 64 tournament at Boxcar that I went to with my buddy Lex. He’d been talking trash for weeks and I just fucking love that game so we planned on winning the whole thing. Did not go as planned, turns out there’s someone in gboro who Actually plays and he fucking destroyed. But I got third and won a free tshirt! pretty excellent, except that the first time I wore it out I got a grease stain or something on it and it’s sullied already. Fucking rip. But so at this tournament there was another event going on for this deaf group, and so Lex’s gf and her roommate Taylor were there. I’m my normal flirty self when I meet her, and even though I didn’t Think I was hitting on her or anything when she walks away Lex tells me “just to let ya know, she’s actually a lesbian.” and I’m like ah well I wasn’t even really trying but w.e. But I keep chatting with her about movies and such and she’s like overly happy to talk to me and laughs loud at my jokes and shit so I’m kinda picking up on something. I ended up asking for her number before I left for the night, she gave it to me and I commended myself on being the ultimate victor of the evening. Texted lex something like “you Sure she’s not at least bi because I totally just got her number.” Lmfao. Anyway, we were originally talking about having a date going out to bars and doing karaoke or something but instead she just invited me over to her place to chill and drink. Perfect, I think. Not really, lex warns me, it’s probably going to be you and a bunch of dudes and my gf there because their apartment is a chill spot. Oh cool whatever, that’s fine too I think. So that date goes pretty exceptionally well. Her gay friends loved me because I’m bi and I laugh overly loud at their runway shows that they watch, and me and Taylor mostly made fun of them a fuckton for how they sucked at 2k. They all end up going to bed and Taylor’s talking about how everything went so well and how much she wants to go on a second date so I kiss her. And we made out. And I threw her up on the kitchen counter and onto the couch and we’re hardcore making out all over her apartment so I ask to just stay with her but she says no. Second date. I’m just whining like “but you have no idea how much I want to go down on you right now.” But she walks out to my car with me and we’re making out there and I did my stupid ass drunk thing where I start sliding my pants down like I’m a suave piece of shit and she laughs at me and says “you’re probably the type to want to have sex in public” and I’m like “that’s not fair that’s one of my kinks.” hit her with the “i had a vasectomy because I think the onus of birth control shouldn’t be on the woman” and she says something like “how do you know what to say to everything.” She crawls into the front seat of my car and sucks my dick a little, definitely one of the worse ones I’ve had in my life lmfao. I say we should go in the back seat and fool around so we do. It went awkwardly. I think I stuck my finger in her ass while I was going down on her and that probably didn’t help lmfaoooooo. I don’t think either of us got off and I asked her to at least suck me off a little more but she’s just like no. So I giggle and am just like allll righhhht, leaning against my car with my pants off shouting out “so when should I call you for that second date?” she says “like two days” or something. Here’s the catch. When we were making out on the side of my car she tells me that she doesn’t want to do anything because she’d actually never been with a guy before. I was like WOAH that makes so much sense. I don’t really want to push her into doing anything, but then I still went ahead and did all that like a fucking dummy.  I’m on top of the fucking world though, thinking that I have a new special notch in my belt for the lesbian girl who’s into me. I play one of the best tournaments I’ve ever played because I feel like I can’t fucking lose. I said something stupid as fuck in discord like “I think I just turned this 90-10 lesbian girl straight tonight.” But alas, it was not meant to be. She didn’t return my texts a few days later. Wouldn’t answer my calls. I left a voicemail apologizing because I realized she might’ve heard from lex about how I said that (She made me promise to “not do any of that gross guy talk about tonight, please”). But I think now what happened was that she just wasn’t really attracted to me as much as she thought she was because it’s exactly like how when I made out with that guy josh and wasn’t really feeling it like even a little bit the next day. Or maybe I fucked up sticking a finger in her ass. Who knows, really. She won’t tell me lmfao. So that beat me up a little bit. Quick trip back down to earth lol. So it goes. Really I think it’s for the best because I don’t want to be her first because I’ve technically sworn off virgins lmao plus I feel like it would just totally have fucked up her whole perspective of guys if she found out I was also seeing someone else. But I might have dropped becky for her and been committed. She was really fucking cool, I would’ve loved drinking and playing 2k with her a ton. But maybe that’s all silly to even think about too. Relationships are dumb, people are dumb, and I’m the dumbest of them all hahahaha. Anyway she knew I was kind of a hoe, she said something like “you’re probably just used to easy girls.” and instead of confessing that I don’t really get that many girls and being more sensitive about it I said something like “well yknow I don’t really see people as ‘easy,’ because all anybody wants is to have a good time.” and she liked that too. But I just made myself out to be a total playboy jerky jerk lmfao. Def wasn’t the strat but maybe that’s actually who I am a little bit. Just a funny cute hoebag lol.

(5:05pm) 3. On that note, I had a great time at Ashleigh’s birthday party, hosted by the bar she works at, free beer for the night for all her guests. It was fucking sweeet. Just sippin on cheap beer hanging with my bud chris and aaron and ash and playing some beer pong. It was basically just another night out drinking, but I happened to run into my first greensboro hookup Brianna there. I introduced her to my friend chris, he asked how we knew each other and she playfully said oh he’s just a big hoe. So it kinda falls in the theme. Plus I decided that running into past hookups at your regular bar makes you an official townie, so I think I’m super at home in Greensboro now. Kinda wanna hit her up again sometime, but meh. She’s a strangeun. I guess all the girls I hook up with are, really. Strange people are the most interesting? Or maybe I think all people are just strange lol. 

4. Tizzlefest Party Ok so there was this big smash tournament house party, tizzle’s privileged tour 2 and I actually got off work so I could go drink with everyone. Second in dubz, smoked way too much weed and drank too many shots and got bopped in singles but it was hella fun. First time I got sicky drunk in a longgg time, I was like laying out on their brick porch for a long time lmao. (5:45, had to take a break lol) Played some beer pong and flip cup and mostly just hung out and talked to people, idk I got a little rekt and missed out on a lot. Tizzle’s got two 18yo twin sisters and even though me and my buddy rob were joking about having a threesome with them, I felt like more of a big brother status that night and didn’t even hit on them! Lmao you guys I’m not a total hoe bag i promise. It was a great night though, hung out with the one sister and her friend and my buddy flare most of the night. Stayed up til like 6 in the morning smoking and we had some tea and I finally crashed. After I woke up from being like comatose I didn’t really wanna hang and smash I mostly chilled joking around with these girls in their parents bed with like 6 people. Talking about fetishes and how the one can’t have an orgasm even though her bf’s dick is like 10 inches it was a funny night. Missed seeing some tits but like I said I don’t really care. Which is weird. Maybe it’s just because so many other guys were barking up their tree that I didn’t really feel like it? Or maybe 18 just really is too young for me now. Idk idk idk. Oh wait maybe it’s because they both knew me as “the shirtless guy” from my and tizzle’s mm last year llmfaooooooooo. Kinda would’ve shot any attempts to get with them in the foot for sure. Got super out drunk by my buddy rob though. we were supposed to try to go shot for shot and I had 5 before I finished playing in bracket, but when I got off the sticks he already had 21 i was like what in the fuckkkk. he ended up puking a few times and passing out and coming back and ended up with like 32 or some nonsense. Excited for the next one for sure though.

5. Arcadian I don’t really have too much to say about. It was hard to fall asleep after work because I was too excited. showed up pseudo rested and got fucking wobbled by this ICs first round and then lost to this samus I haven’t beaten going 1-2 felt really bad. Drank a whole lot and was shouting about traps and shit while I watched clem body everyone and take the win. Pretty proud of him tbh, it’s nice to see people who I started playing with do well but also really frustrating. Anyway what was great about that night was my raleigh crew actually stayed at my place in gboro for once. We got fucking lit and made tacos, it was wonderful. Then we went to smith street diner in the morning and had a dank ass breakfast, I had this deliccccious pork. God I love pork belly so much that taste is the fucking best. 

6. Ok so there’s this one night I went drinking with Aaron on a wednesday to this bar next to geeksboro. We drink a little and he’s like showing me how to play pool since he’s way better than me but there are these two girls playing next to us. I think I ended up saying hey and we all start talking smack about who would win. They wanna bet money but we don’t wanna take their money so we bet shots. The one is like 40 and she’s all about it, but the other is my age and she says that won’t work for her bc she’s trying to stay sober. On a whim she says alright well if we win we get to peg you in the ass. Instantly I’m like SOLD. First of all because I had confidence in Aaron and myself, but also because getting taken home by two lesbians sounds fucking hilarious. Pegging is gonna be the new eating ass for 2018 i swear. We ended up beating them, Aaron made me hit the 8ball so I saved my own ass, and we made a whole bunch of jokes about how he saved my ass and how I’m pretty clutch when my ass is on the line, good times. The 40 year old chick was fucking crazy though lmao humping me on the pool table and she ended up taking her shirt off, i think she wanted me to go home with them still but passed to go with aaron home to do somethingorother. Ended up giving my number to the other girl, we had had a nice talk on the porch about how I had fucked up with Taylor and about how she was kind of in a semiabusive relationship with that chick and she ended up texting me the next day but I haven’t heard from her since. She lives in Winston maybe I’ll hit her up one day. I just remember her long black hair and tight leather pants lol. Pretty fyne. But just a passing acquaintance.

7. Ok so like 3 weeks ago I don’t have work on a friday night so I’m chilling at home bingeing Haikyu. I decide I don’t really want to go out and if becky hits me up that’s cool because she’s out drinking with her friends. Becky asks me if I’m up to anything at like 1:30 in the morning and I’m like nah you wanna come over, and she passes out lol. So I’m still just hanging out watching anime when I get a message at 3:30 in the fucking morning from this guy I met at one of the winston monday tournaments. He says he’s over at his gf’s place at this all girls college and says her roommate’s looking for some male company. I’m like huwhaaaaaa. He gets her on fb video with me and she basically says “yeah I haven’t really been drinking in a bit, i’m just bored and horny now. So if you make it over here asap you have my explicit permission to fuck the shit out of me.” I’m like holy fucking shit wow. I knew she was gonna be a little chubby but I couldn’t bring myself to pass it up because i’m a fucking hoe and I thought it was hilarious that I was solicited for sex by a stranger at 3:30 in the morning. So I showered off real quick and sped the fuck over there. Weird ass night. They were locked out so his gf has to jump down this pit to get into the building and fucks up her foot, I attend to that medically, drink the last bit of my south carolinian everclear to make this all less weird, and have group sex with them basically. Got my cock stroked by two girls at the same time, we both had sex on this couch, fucked around with her for like a half hour, but I’m not gonna lie I was really struggling to stay hard. Fatties only make me think of work and diseases and stuff now hahahaha. Doesn’t matter, had sex. Now I have her as a booty call if I’m really desperate but not really lookin to do that again tbh.

8. Maya invited me to a halloween party at her place the weekend before halloween, and I tried to ask off work but couldn’t get the day off because my boss had patients scheduled three weeks in advance. I was like damn, but when I asked for my schedule that week it turned out that patient cancelled! So I got to go out to visit Maya and had a sweet night drinking and playing beer pong with manu christina pacos and rianne her roommate. Didn’t get too sloppy but was doing shots all night having a good time, maya showed me her apartment and her room and stuff she’s living in a pretty sweet spot. oh and remet a bunch of maya’s friends who I fucking forgot the names of againnnn dammit. Had a nice little moment chilling with pacos and christina on the couch catching up about stuff, talking about anal and all sorts of sexy weirdness lmao. Poor pacos’s dad though, such a shame about his condition. Lmao Christina and Manu disappeared at one point and pacos was like worried they left him there, so we walk around the house, check their car, check my car, couldn’t find them anywhere. Go back into the party and I’m like “oh my god I have an idea hold on stay here.” did what I would do and walked out the front door and immediately a few steps to the right and sure enough there they were fucking on top of an AC unit hahahaha. Manu was saying her back was scratched to fuck from that thing. Also I can’t remember what it was called but we were drinking this mix of bourbon and like spices that was really delicious.  Most of the girls there were kinda busted so I didn’t really flirt around and didn’t think anything would happen with her roommate, but as the night was winding down and I was helping them clean up a bit she started saying things like “damn I just wanted to fuck tonight.” and asked maya like four times “doesn’t he kinda look like that last guy I was hooking up with?” Made some moves and ended up having sex with her. It was phenomenal sex, too. Yknow that drunk sex where you just power through until you’re like on the brink of collapse because you’ve been fucking for like an hour straight? Holy shit, spent my whole refraction period (which wasn’t too too long) with her on my face. That second nut where you really have to give it your all is my shitttt. Lol trying to get my stuff in the morning was such a problem i couldn’t find shit like had to keep waking her up to find my wallet I hope she isn’t frustrated about that. Took Maya to the airport and jammed out to some My Chemical Romance, was great.

9. So this girl Mary. She’s another regular at my karaoke dive bar, and sept 20 (thanks, twitter) we start chatting a bunch and decide to sing some songs together. It was like the week after I had been jokingly hitting on her married stepsister, maybe I got a good word from her or something. But so I put my arm around her casually at the bar and my buddy zach says something like “if you touch her like that again I’ll fucking kill you.” So I tweeted out fucking challenge accepted hahahaha. So later that night she says like “hey I know this is a little forward or weird but do you want to go out sometime?” and I’m like “of course!” we plan out some picnic with sandwiches and make out a bunch at the bar. Then we’ve been snapchatting a whole lot since but never got around to the date because we’re both busy with whatever, she has a new normie job so our schedules don’t match up much. But on halloween we’re both at the bar, I’m hanging with aaron and ash and chris and the gang, and end up taking her home. She’s making me like a turkey sandwich and I notice her dad dressed like Jerry Garcia on the fridge. The Craziest shit is it turns out that she had the same kind of childhood I did where she went around the country going to dead and phish shows too, she even knew what fucking rainbow gathering was. I was talking about selling crystals in the parking lot and she was like same but grilled cheeses. So fucking weird I like her a lot now lol, even more than when we just talked about cartoons we were watching. And she’s pretty voracious too lol we had sex twice that night and twice in the morning. ANND she’s a squirter. Which is fucking neato. Always nice to know when you’re getting them off hahahaha. Dunno when we’re gonna hang out again but maybe soon? idk I’m not really trying hard at anything these days.

10. So that brings us to Becky. The past two months have been really cool. We hang out like every sunday, watch a bunch of shitty horror movies, binge watched stranger things 2 together, we usually have a bunch of sex. But things have been slightly falling off on the passion side I guess? idk she’s always been a little too passive for me. And I’m not as up for fucking up my sleep schedule to go to j club and learn japanese so idk. Lazy. We went to a cat cafe with her friend this weekend and didn’t hook up for the first time so maybe I’ll let things die off with her. But she also had to talk to her parents about how she’s taking another semester so maybe she was just stressed. I remember like the third time we hung out after we fucked she just says “god, I’ve been looking forward to that all week.” Made my day hahahaha. She’s really cool but we’ve been seeing each other so long it kinda makes me worry about the status of our relationship, but I think hopefully we’re on the same page that we’re still just friends with benefits. Hopefully. Kinda on a don’t ask don’t tell kinda deal with that though I’d rather not talk about feelings since I’m in a unique position of not having them for once. Very strange considering how until now I’ve still been the ‘serially monogamous’ type. But Becky’s cool I like her a lot too. Just definitely wouldn’t be able to commit to her I don’t think.

11. last, my neighbor finally hit me up to hang out. But she did it on a friday night when I had work so that sucks. Glad to know she didn’t just ghost me though. And Angie hit me up in september. I told her that I was kindasorta seeing becky to be courteous and we talk about life a little bit and she said that I’m “one of the good ones.” I like to hold onto compliments like that. I texted her a bit when I was at maya’s party too, she’s kindasorta seeing some guy too, so I’m not gonna try to rekindle anything with her I don’t think. And Katie I don’t really have anything to say about I just figured I’d mention her because she’s liked a fuckton of my tweets and every instagram pic I’ve posted lately even though she has that cute baby boyfriend of hers now. Just interesting.

So those are my playboy wanna be jerky jerk stories. Embraced becoming a regular Scott Pilgrim. Super satisfied about everything in my life, and happy about just about everything. Still lazy as fuck and not doing too much of anything but life is so good right now. Hope I didn’t forget any cool stories and probably could have gone into more detail but this is long as fucking enough.

It’s 6:30 now I’ve spent long enough writing. Til next time lol.