#idk if ill ever be whole again
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withnail & i
#withnail and i#richard e grant#paul mcgann#one sided hugs are my favourite trope#this movie has altered something in my brain i believe#idk if ill ever be whole again#everything was fine until the 'i wanna walk you to the station'#'please dont i really dont want you to'#ooooh oooooh *crumbles into pixels until i dissappear*#t3art
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whoever designed her ,,,,,,,,,,,they knew what they were doin
#qkdraws#id in alt#GOD she's so cool#rika my friend rika she's the coolest ever in the whole wide world !!!11!!!!111!!!!1#idk what it is abt her that makes me always add halftone effects to her but . she's gettin em#she's literally the coolest ever.have i mentioned that yet#pokemon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon rika#rika pokemon#elite four rika#SHE'S SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok im normal <3#i need to dye my hair that color again for my mental stability it Needs to be done#ill blow up the earth if i don't. ill blowit up#i wonder how much gender euphoria ill experience if i dress like that. i have a feeling it'd be enough to end countries#one day . one day ill be half as cool as her
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Proof that bsd would be a lot better if they just let it pass the Bechdel test more often
#It barely counts too since the conversation between Kyouka and Kouyou verges a lot on men but eh that's the best we can offer#Idk I just really like Kyouka's arc and think that in this episode too it was well developed.#Her relationship with Kouyou really is one of the most interesting of the whole franchise.#About that I LOVE LOVE LOVE KOUYOU WHY AREN'T WE TALKING ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME I want her back as soon as possible 😭😭😭#And her va is k/l/k's Ryuuko va aka my favourite va ever from my favourite anime ever. God I love k/l/k an inconceivable amount#Which is funny because k/l/k also does have a villain mother figure#The Kyouka / Kouyou dynamics are a lot like. The very watered down version of the Emma / Isabella dynamics.#(I'm once again saying read t/p/n)#I just think. Kyouka's interior struggle is really interesting and we don't talk about it enough!!!#Also FINALLY SEASON 2 ATSUSHI HOW I'VE MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!#I really don't know what's up with anime Atsushi every time he's on screen I'm hit by cuteness aggression. It's an illness.#Next. Can we agree Reason Living is the best b/sd op of them all both music wise and visuals wise#MAYBE on par with True Story for visuals but that's it.#Again I really can't vibe with Granrodeao but that's intrinsically a matter of personal taste //////#MARGARET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MARGARET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#Also Akutagawa voice cameo eheh <33#There'll probably be a lot of screaming over characters this time lol sorry in advance. Unfollow me now etc. etc.#random rambles
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🔪 blood, blood, gallons of the stuff 🫀 [X]
#rohan campbell#corey cunningham#he's so pretty all covered in blood 🫀🫀🫀#i am literally gnashing my teeth and foaming at the mouth rn#LOOK AT HIM#ive said it once but ill say it again: he is literally the most beautiful handsome heaven sent person ive ever seen in my whole life#and im just meant to go on like nothing has happened !?!?!?!?!#genuinely gods gift to humanity idk what else to tell you 🤷♀️#the fucking look in his eye !?!?!? please im begging you i cannot take much more of this l#this angle will be the death of me. aerial view of his beautiful face ??
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good news for all my haters: im not coming back. not properly. i think social media and being around ppl in general is destroying me so im gonna just focus my energy on other stuff
ill probably still be a little bit active occassionally but for now i think il just stick to posting art etc. im moving to sheezy.art (which is down for maintenance rn but opens for registration again on fridays!) bc the energy there is much nicer for me.. but ill still post on here and insta. im also gonna be working on building my own website again!! so bookmark it and maybe some day itll have cool stuff on it.... :]
#idk ill see how this goes but ive been like lurking here for a couple days and every time without fail it makes me feel shitty#may not be a permanent thing but i have a couple safeguards in place now to stop me from getting sooooo bad. i think#i deleted all the apps off my phone. which has helped a lot esp deleting insta for reels#and i actually made another blog for like if i ever go Cazy again. for like vents and stuff . altho if im not on social media at all it#shldnt be a prblem#i wont share that but u can ask for it if u want. tho unlikely ill post for a while idk#for the record my neocities has like nothing on it rn. its essentially a series of tests from when i started last yr#and got nowhere lollll.. but im hoping to have a lot of fun with it soon#lol this whole thing is a little stupid. and i feel bad but just know its all my own fault. my own issues etc#its happened b4 itll happen time and time again i think. so im just gonna part ways w it#from now on if im gonna overshare it has to be in a lengthy edited well written blog post !!!!!!!!!!!#oke. bye#i do actually have smth to post later on my rnm blog but whatevaaa#oh ill start up my queues again too
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—Are you happy with your creation?
#my art lol#vocaloid#vocaloid fanart#body horror tw#kagamine len#len kagamine#vocaloid len#len vocaloid#fukase vocaloid#oliver vocaloid#utatane piko#wooo it's len's basement abomination thing he made out of his friends again... it needs a name but he never gave it one SO LOL??#(ill promise ill get to the asks soon i just finished this after wasting nearly the whole day drawing it lemme just post it)#ironically i dont know if i personally am really happy w/ how this turned out 😭 ugh#my habits of overlaying a shit ton of effects to cover up how bad it is are not gonna save me one day#idk if anyone really gives a shit abt whatever tf this timeline is but i just felt like drawing em again#will i ever properly explain shit? we'll see#also im gonna be real i bsed that caption thing last minute. idk wtf to call this piece#in my files i just named it 'len_and_the_thing_yknow.png' AHKJHSKJGH#composite au
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i love. learning skills that will save me money
#i broke down a whole chicken today. ill never pay 12 dollars for 3 chicken breasts ever again#i am so powerful and full of useful kitchen skills .#wld highly recommend if u can stomach it and have decent knife skills it's kinda gross but like the price of groceries is so bad dndkdkkd#now i have chicken legs and thighs and breasts and wings AND bones for stock. glorious#food tw#idk how to tag this its kinda gross JDJDK but like i am very pleased w my new skill dkdndmkd#iri.txt
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hi sorry for not updating sooner but im gonna be on a lil mini hiatus. lifes been whack so ive been taking a few days to do fuck all and play MMO's while i process a lot of Things. i'm totally okay, just needing a lil rest for rn. miss y'all, love y'all, see y'all soon <3
#you ever sit and watch the sky for a while. and it always looks like the sky. but hours later its a vastly different color#you were looking at it the whole while and never noticed the slow change as it happened until it was verbatim#i feel like that in my brain rn. i didnt notice the shifting gradients#and im not in an awful place rn. but i do need a bit of introspection and like. being gentle to myself#how does that correlate to taking a break from shitposts? idk#im just trying to like. idk what im trying to do actually#but it seems to be helping! im doing better than i was#i just need a few more days of allowing myself to Feel Things before i become the Court Jester again#again im alright and ill see yall soon! hopefully ill have polls then
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I went grocery shopping today and realized just how much stronger I've gotten since pre-recovery and now I suddenly don't wanna relapse
#also just had a rather great day that reminded me i can feel happy still#its hard to remember that when it hardly ever happens#idk if i can give up on losing weight though... and it was just one good day. i still need some way to cope :(#idk what to do. i want to be happy. i want this to be the last time i ever had to get better#but i also cant really do anything. i need something more#i guess ill take it one day at a time... though i will probably relapse if i do that#but fuck it I guess it is what it is#well see what happens#I just dont wanna lose all this progress :( and i dont wanna go through recovery again#last time with my ed was so incredibly traumatic. i thought i was gonna die#there would be days id binge eat (relatively 'normal' amounts of food but a whole days worth at once)#and it was because id think 'today could be my last day- i may as well eat what i want now'#but id be in so much pain and have extreme nausea for hours or days not to mention the mental anguish-#god. it was all just really awful. i want things to be better now
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Not me only now realizing that Query’s outfit (mainly his super cool trenchcoat) in Identity looks nearly identical to Flynn’s from Legacy.
Mixing the vibes of my favorite Program with the design of my favorite User?? Icon
#babbles#query (tron)#tron identity#also gives a possible hint about when Flynn might have sent them off?#and ill be honest while im genuinely pleased with this game i have no idea how they equate tron to ‘the one who seeks only truth’#like what in the vast amounts of time distorts historical figures?#maybe its something from betrayal? idk. tron just doesnt strike me as someone who doesnt get involved#like literally ever. the dude is chronically unable to not get involved#but maybe its just the memory of him that the ISOs culturally have?#like they dont really remember the flawed program just what their ancestors remember of him#which boiled down to ‘he badass. he didnt hate us. he was always getting up in everyone’s business’#still feel robbed that Query didnt have a tron emblem on his suit a la Beck#when i draw him again i might take liberties and put one#while i love his design especially that coat when we got a front view i was like ehhh#he needs to be more glowy frankly#now Grish! There’s a design i can sink my teeth into#buff. his giant chest is lit up like the 4th of july. the scar. the beard!#literally the best looking character in the whole game
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LOVE ME THE MOST THE MOST YOU POSSIBLY CAN!!!!!! LOVE ME THE MOST I NEED TO BE THE ONLY THING IN YOUR MIND
#mine#🎸#vibrating at immense speeds rn ajskwkfllflwncf the MOST THE MOST ever#the only thing in your mind i need to be the BEST the most loved augh im not doing anything wrong but its still not ENOUGH#why cant i be satisfied. but at the same time LOVE ME MORE AND MORE AND MORE UNTIL LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE EXISTS#i need to add more fuel to the fire of our love but i dont know what to do exactly... clearly mentioning the issue didnt work#idk i literally want him to kill me or something i need to be consumed by love. ah all of our mutual friends are quickly going to#learn how fucking mentally ill i can get. im not ready for them to but if hes telling them these things then theyre gonna KNOW#love me more more more i thought you used to be scared of how much you loved me. obsess over me again!!!!!!#if im not the one doing anything wrong what is the problem. what is preventing you from loving me the most you possibly can!!!#if its something with me I'll just kill that part of me. ugh he wouldnt want me partaking in unhealthy thoughts like this#so what is there to do? i need to drown in the grain silo of love. there isnt enough to drown in rn though... i cant just#make him love me more. an evil oriented solution would be to make everyone hate him so he just loves me but thats a horrible thing to do#and id feel bad about it forever. so im not gonna do THAT i want him to be happy. but even when hes happy he isnt loving me intensely#i need to be desired i need to be ripped open like a phone book –_–#everyone is learning how insane abt him i am and its kind of embarrassing. well my feelings i guess. it is embarrassing to have feelings#if this whole situation was an asmr youd be listening to it willingly. but its NOT arent you supposed to like me like this#im overthinking this hes probably just depressed which is making it difficult to be insane
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tagged to do this template by @denerims @cptcassian @arklay (thank you for the psd leah ily <3) @aartyom and @nuclearstorms SO I DID TWO <3
not tagging anybody because it seems like everybody has been already, but feel free to do it!!! I WANNA SEE !!!
#Mentions are completely fucked on this post but idk how to fix it and my head is starting to hurt again so. AAAAAAAAA HATE THIS NEW FUCKING#POST EDITOR WITH MY WHOLE SOUL#was going to post three + a non 77 pairing but i ran out of energy. beau noah and shiro mer in the discord for safe keeping rn.#ANYWAY HOPE I DIDNT MISS ANYTHING LMAOOO THEY'RE BOTH SO.#verde n goro being Not Planners. Only Impulse. they literally see valenzo getting married and having kids and go Now Hold Up .#secretly eloping literally same night as valenzo wedding is a recent development that has had me cackling. Anyway.#adrian river do give me chuckles. they're true enemies to lovers they've got scars to show for it and everything.#hil.txt#tagged#ocstuff#oc: verde#v x t#oc: adrian#a x r#ALSO HAVE ASKS TO ANSWER FOR THEM STILL...HAVENT FORGOTTEN JUST BEEN DEAD FROM BEING SICK OR INJURED OR MIGRAINING#also me seeing short goro movement and hissing like a lizard. ARTBOOK SAYS HES TALL SO HES TALL . GOOD MORNING.#anyway take all those sliders with the slightest grain of salt they all blur together and i end up going off vibes 80% of the time bc i#do not remember anything about my gang ever. memory problems ftw. live laugh love .#also meant to say: adrian riv are better caretakers in different ways. adrian can mend wounds and help deal with illnesses. riv is a better#like emotional/comfort caretaker. does it make sense .
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also ig this is a bit of a hot take for mlp? but i don’t think i’m opposed to the idea of starlight glimmer being redeemed. like the whole point of the show is that friendship wins the day, so many characters being redeemed makes sense for the show’s themes and such. nor do i necessarily think she should have to suffer to earn her respect back.
i do think the way it was handled was still awful tho like the entire bit with her town forgiving her instantly was a whole joke
#this is why its hard to do stuff w her in my nextgen idea bc i do think shes an interesting character and want to include her#but also i do not like her all that much or how she was handled so i gotta like rehaul aton of shit#and idk if i wanna put that much effort into whats just kinda a brain candy au to me#its like.... why did they even make her a cult leader... its baby show...#im not exaggerated that btw for ppl who havent seen the show shes literally intendedto be that#also i do like the idea of her floundering throughout season 6 and falling back into dangerous habits#bc it makes the finale where shes forced into a leadership position again and panics and acts purely passive more interesting#plus it shows how redemption isnt a straight line. but what was missing were people being distrustful at all#like most of it was self hatred or jokes abt what she did and its like. eugh. no.#dont include such a harsh plotline if you arent gonna give it the care it needs. which is why i think this had no place in this show#idk. ive kinda shrugged off the whole ''redemption is something only a few ppl ever deserve'' thing#bc i think thats kinda bleak now to just expect that nobody can change and if you fuck up you can never be rehabilitated#but it def has to be handled with tact if youre gonna go as far as starlight#anyways idk i dont actually care that much. maybe when i continue that mlp marathon ill have a stronger opinion on her idk#echoed voice
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stomach rolls benign. possibly even good
#if i say it enough i will believe it abt myself#like im genuinely happy i gained weight bc like uhhhhhhhh#jamie has made a statement#personal#being underweight should be more regularly classified as a fucking health condition instead of fucking uhhhhhh no one ever worrying abt it#genuinely was scared of getting majorly ill and dying bc i didnt have enough fat#as well as i always had vision go dark when i got up suddenly#dont have that any more!!!! thank god!!!!#i think my worst bmi (idk what else my measurement was ik its a shit measurement) was like. 17#in college lol i looked. unhealthy but it was 'pretty' and desirable to look Like That#which is FUCKED and i still thought i was fat at the time and was like. suuuuuper afraid of gaining weight#but also knew i needed to#had mild ED maybe???? idfk but now im chonkier :) and dont feel like a fucking large breeze could bowl me over lol#body image cw#ed tw#i guess#being 5'6“ and 109 pounds is Not Good For Anyone imo#like i know its 'not technically underweight' when youre at 18 BMI but again. the whole major illness thing
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#i need 2 start watching the lego ninja show with my friend again.#and like. actually draw out my insane ideas#instead of just talking about them in vc#for preservation sake. and to feed more insane thoughts#and then. heres the craziest part.#im going to POST it.#im going to POST my weird au ideas and probably OOC headcanons#its like people say on here. itll be the um. cringe gunshots to keep the rent low? and chase off the uh. non-based individuals?#idk. im out of my territory here with the whole Making Fan Content thing let alone Posting It#ive always just cared more about the fictional guys ive made myself and grown up alongside for the past 6 years yknow?#maybe if i post these things ill make some more friends who enjoy my thoughts and have similar ones.#i mean its not like i need more friends im actually pretty good in that department for the first time in. ever#but its not like you can have Too Many friends right?#dude i did not mean to ramble. what the freak#what the fricking fudge#i either have to get weirder#or i have to go to sleep. it IS past my bedtime
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...
#unprecedented emotions in this body o mine. like. this may b surprising given the amount of bitching i do on this website#but let me assure u irl i am exceptionally patient. but right now. there is a limit and that is where we now stand#and again this is prob my fault but ive come to the conclusion that fuck these custom chambers. fuck the amount of work that went into them#fuck all of this. im not fucking using them. i will sit here with this one fucking bryophite chamber if it takes me all goddam day bc at#least i fucking trust the values. that means ill have to split up measurements by 2 days but fuck u im right abt this#the solution is: u cant fucking do 98 samples at once. that it. im sorry. fuck u#and i would probably have come to this conclusion earlier if i had thr time to test but doing it all rught now with no fucking room for#grace makes it very fucking clear. so idk. im not fucking using the chambers. and im not looking forward to explaining this to my boss#bc shes so excited abt this project that i have been dreading since its conception. i started with the 3 chambers and it was somehow#even more awful than i would have imagined. fuck that. 2 or 3 fucking weeks of this#and im not even getting paid for all the extra work i do bc i don't get overtime. im not even technically allowed to work weekends or over#40hrs a week. im just doinf this bc im already so miserable why thr fuck not.#hhhhh im being such a brat abt this for real. ugh but i dont wanna meet with my boss#bc this feels like the time where i have to explain that like. listen. u know that thing im really good at and have spent fucking hour and#hours and hours and hours of time doing? well its catastrophically destructive to my brain and thats whats landed us here#where im so fucking fed up that i wanna quit. clean cut and never work with this stuff ever again#and if i have to use the 3 chambers i might die. i might just evaporate away into a million pieces bc i dont wanna deal with this#but i dont wanna explain that bc then shell feel bad and this isnt her fault. i have an issue thats out of my control and im letting it#devour me whole so like 🤷♂️ its my fault bleh#whatever. itll be fine. ive got a coherent argument as to why this is too much. and i kno im fucking right so there it is#i feel like that helps me make decisions: heres what has to happen. heres whats preventing that from happening#and there it is. it either u can fix it or u cant. thats it. u deal with the things in ur control#lol at least im not alone to stew in my anger. im working with 2 other ppl today. so i mean i say that im fucking furious bc im visual fine#lol bc im a patient and level headed person irl im just really whiney online bc i have no outlet. so itll b fine. decision made now we just#deal with it. ugh but how tf am i gonna distract myself from how miserable this is all day? thats the real question#brain gets Interrupted ever 5 min bleh agony#unrelated
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