#this movie has altered something in my brain i believe

[t3ooc]

withnail & i

[thearoaceshark]

"But aro/ace people still can date" THAT IS NOT A VALID EXCUSE, MUCH LESS IF THE CHARACTER SHOWS REPULSION TOWARDS THAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS.

"But the creator said we could ship him with whoever we wanted, it won't be canon anyway" OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T BOTHER THAT YOU SHIP HIM BECAUSE 1: IT BENEFITS HER BECAUSE IT ATTRACTS SHIPS FANS. AND 2: SHE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY.

"We have not deleted the representation, it is still there, it is canon in the show. We just want to have fun, the things the fandom does do not have to be faithful to the canon and do not affect the canon" SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN. IN THE FANDOM THERE ARE PEOPLE FROM THE AROACE SPECTRUM AND IT ANNOYS US THAT WE CAN'T ENJOY A CHARACTER THAT REPRESENTS US JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN ENJOY THE CHARACTERS WITHOUT SHIPING THEM. ALSO IF YOU CAN'T WRITE CHARACTERS OR RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE NOT ROMANTIC/SEXUAL OR THAT ARE NOT FAITHFUL TO THE CANON THEN LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU HAVE A VERY CLOSED MIND AND YOU'RE LACK OF IMAGINATION. THERE ARE ALSO MANY CHARACTERS THAT ARE NOT AROACE THAT YOU CAN SHIP, WHY DO YOU CHOOSE THE ONE WHO IS AROACE?!! US AROACE PEOPLA ALSO WANT TO HAVE FUN, WE ARE ALSO IN THE FANDOM, AND WE ENTERED THE FANDOM EXPECTING TO SEE THAT THEY RESPECT THE ORIENTATION OF THE CHARACTER AND REFLECT OUR OWN EXPERIENCES IN HIM, BUT WE FIND OUT THAT THEY DON'T GIVE A SHIT, AND WE FEEL BAD WHEN SEEING THAT YK. IT'S THE SAME SHIT AS MAKING A GAY CHARACTER STRIGHT.

"I'm dating someone who is ace/I'm on the aroace spectrum/I'm ace/my partner is on the aroace spectrum and in my opinion there's nothing wrong with shipping him" ...REALLY? JUST. REALLY?! LOOK AT ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME YOU'RE NOT A TROLL, BECAUSE SERIOUSLY. FOR THE ARO/ACE PEOPLE WHO ARE MAKING THESE COMMENTS LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU LOOK LIKE THOSE HOMOPHOBIC GAY WHO INSULT THEIR OWN COMMUNITY FOR THE APPROVAL OF STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

"If they want representation so much, why don't they make their own content and their own shows with Aroace characters?" ...YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS EITHER. YOU ARE A TROLL, RIGHT? AND IF YOU'RE SERIOUS... DO YOU THINK IT'S THAT EASY TO MAKE CONTENT (BOOK/COMIC/TV SHOW/MOVIE/ETC)???

Edit:

OH AND I FORGOT THE WORST ONE, SORRY.

"Aro/ace people can also want and be in a romantic/sexual relationship, you are erasing people from your own community just because you don't want us to ship it" ...FIRST OF ALL DO YOU THINK AROACE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THOSE RELATIONSHIPS FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU USING THEM AS A CHEAP EXCUSE? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE, YOU JUST CARE ABOUT YOUR DAMN SHIP, STOP USING THEM AS AN EXCUSE. AND SECOND, I THINK YOU HAVE A VERY ALTERED PERCEPTION OF REALITY, BECAUSE THE ONE WHO IS ERASING AND DISRESPECTING THE AROACE COMMUNITY IS NOT US, IT IS YOU DAMN IT.

End of the edit.

PEOPLE ON THE SPECTRUM GET VERY EXCITED WHEN WE SEE A CHARACTER THAT REPRESENTS US, AND I THINK WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO GET ANGRY IF WHEN WE ENTER THE FANDOM WE FIND THAT PEOPLE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THE ORIENTATION OF THE CHARACTER AND SHIP HIM, AND TO GET WORSE THEY GIVE US SO BAD EXCUSES OF WHY WHAT THEY ARE DOING IS PERFECTLY FINE. LOOK, DON'T YOU THINK THAT IF AN ENTIRE COMMUNITY IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THOSE SHIPS THEN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG? NO? HAVE YOU NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT? THEN YOU NEED TO CHECK YOUR HEAD TO SEE IF YOU REALLY HAVE A BRAIN!!! IT'S SEEMS YOU HAVE IT OFF BECAUSE IT IS NOT WORKING.

AND YES I'M TALKING ABOUT HAZBIN HOTEL AND ALASTOR BUT THIS ALSO HAPPENS WITH MANY OTHER AROACE CHARACTERS (UNFORTUNATELY). AND IT'S SO FRUSTRATING. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK THAT REPRESENTATION HAS TO BE JUST THE CANON OF THE SHOW? DON'T YOU THINK THAT AS A FANDOM YOU SHOULD MAKE THE PEOPLE OF THE COMMUNITY WHO ARE IN THE FANDOM FEEL COMFORTABLE BY RESPECTING THEIR ORIENTATION AND MAKING FANFIC AND FANARTS ETC THAT REPRESENT THE CHARACTER AND HIS IDENTITY?

(AND THOSE OTHER CHARACTERS I MENTIONED ARE NOT CANONICALLY AROACE, BUT THEY ARE EVIDENTLY CHARACTERIZED AS SUCH, BUT THE FANDOM MAKES THE EXCUSE THAT "THEIR ORIENTATION IS STILL NOT CANON" TO SHIP THEM EVEN THOUGH IT IS EVIDENT THAT THEY ARE AROACE AND THEY REPUDIATE SEX AND LOVE. AND NOW THAT WE HAVE A CHARACTER CHARACTERIZED AS AROACE WHO IS CANONICALLY AROACE AND SHOWS REPUDION TOWARDS SEX, THEY CONTINUE LOOKING FOR EXCUSES. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU ALL?! IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO RESPECT THE AROACE COMMUNITY??? )

[becauseheartsgetbroken-hs]

friends to lovers fics?? i need to feel something bestie 😭

Okay I know it took me soooo long but I'm sorry bestie and here you go!

what's more fulfilling than a story about a friendship turning into a love relationship right? So I'm beyond happy to share some of my favorite friends to lovers stories! (ofc there are so many amazing stories out there and I'm sorry in advance because I'm sure I'll forget many 😭 Also if anyone wants to add something in the comments feel free to do it because I'm always happy to discover new ones!)

So I' ll start with a story from my beloved @freedomfireflies (she has a story for everything, doesn't she? 🥰) : the series is called Teach Me and let me just say that it altered my brain chemistry!

Next is Maisy and Harry by @narryffdreaming 🥰 The flow is incredible, the writing's unmatched and it's like you're watching a movie! Literally amazing!

Also Friendy Favor by @be-with-me-so-happily is so fun to ready and I enjoyed it so much! It's awesome!

Of course @jarofstyles also have an amazing story with that trope! It's called Flame and it's truly wonderful! Once you start reading it, you will be unable to stop!

Also @jawllines ' bodyguard!harry (he and Y/N were friends when they were young) and fireman!harry are AMAZING 😍 I was a giggling mess when I read them! Believe me, they're amazing stories and both of these harrys are like two green flags with legs!

Oh also Just How Fast The Night Changes by @watchmegetobsessed is sooooooo good too!!! Had a great time reading it and actually I think I need to reread it because it's that good!

Also before I close this ask I have to recommend one more story! It's not an actual story, it's headcanons BUT I love headcanons and as it's been known @harrysblackcoat does the best headcanons (and concepts) so please go and read them!

Anywayyyy I think I can't think of anything else right now so I'm gonna stop here and I wish you a happy reading! Kisses!

[msbarrybeeson]

Listen (F!Reader Insert)

A/N: When the movie trailer dropped, I knew there are many opportunities for angsty fan fiction, so I kind of took one. Some of the dialogue is canon, everything else is from my imagination. Anyway, getting the characters’ "character” was a challenge. I’ll appreciate any constructive criticism to improve it. Enjoy!

Summary: Casey Jones is trying to warn them of their future.

Pairing(s): Rise! Leo X Reader (Established Relationship)

Reader: Feminine pronouns are used. No actual appearance, only mentions.

Genre: Humor / Slight Angst

Warning(s): Rushed writing. Written before release. Mentioned character death.

Word Count: ~840

~

“So what’s your business with our friend, pal?”

Casey slowly opened his eyes, groaning through the headache. The world seemed upside-down, but judging from the ropes tying his body to a chair, he got the memo. So he was knocked out and taken into the underground subway station. The human boy grimaced; the stench reeked here.

In front of him stood four mutant turtles, in addition to the presence of a sewer rat and another human. “Master.. Leonardo?” Casey murmured as he recognized the blue eye-mask and red markings.

“Hey, did you hear that?” Mikey gasped. “He knows your name!”

Leon smirked. “And he added a nice ring to it, too.”

“So Blue does mature after all.” Splinter scratched his fur.

“Great,” Donnie rolled his eyes. “Thank you for inflating his ego.”

“Guys, come on now—,” Raph began.

“Shh. Give a minute, hermanos, I’ve got a plan.” Leon announced with confidence.

All the voices blurred. Casey glanced around groggily, only to realize there was one person missing from the group. “(Name).... Urgh…. Where’s.. where’s (Name)?”

The group quieted down.

“Oho, skipping the introductions, are we?” Leon narrowed his eyes. He stepped closer to the human boy. “You got something against her too? …I’d let it go if I were you,” he threatened.

“This is what happens when random people jump straight to asking about his girlfriend before doing introductions,” Donnie remarked. Casey panicked under Leon’s glare, especially once he saw Leon pull out his katana. “Hey, hey!” Casey shook fervently. “Hold on a minute! It’s not—.”

“My hermanos, what do you think we should do with him?” The turtle pointed with the tip of his blade.

“Ooh, ooh!” Mikey raised his hand. “Give him a nasty haircut!”

Raph thrusted his fist forward. “We could use a nice punching bag.”

“Or here’s a better idea,” Donnie pulled down his goggles, doing a quick analysis of Casey, “how about I alter his brain, so we can remote-control him?”

“Pfft. Think we’ve scared him enough, boys.” April clapped her hands, making them drop the act and fall into laughter. Raph was snickering in back, seeing Casey all pale and shaken up. “Oh man, that was good.”

“Okay, okay, okay.” Leon wiped a tear. “In all seriousness, who are you, ‘cause we need to call you something other than— I don’t know, human guy?”

“...The name’s Casey Jones—.”

“Hold up, Jones as in Cassandra Jones? Never knew she has a brother,” April asked.

“Son,” he grumbled. God, how many times would they be interrupting him? “I’m her son.”

“Guys, I think he’s gone insane,” Donnie remarked.

“Careful, Don,” Mikey hushed. “Maybe he’s got trauma, and was put up with his sister being the mother role.”

Leon scratched his chin. “Seriously? Casey— I mean, Cassandra here— acting like anyone close to a mother?”

“For the record, I’m not insane!”

“Then, explain how you might be Cassandra’s son, when you’re just about her age.”

“Woah, Donnie, don’t tell me—.”

“That I took DNA samples from his teeth while he were knocked out? Why yes, yes I did.”

Casey shook in the air, which only had the rope swinging him from side to side. “Listen! You want to know how I’m her son? Simple answer is: I’m not from your time.”

“Huh?”

“...Is this going where I think it is?” Donnie covered his own mouth with his hand.

“I know how this sounds,” Casey cautioned. “But I need you to believe me, because I’m from… the future.”

…

Once again, everyone bursted out into laughter. In fact, even Splinter was amused.

“Y-you cannot be serious!” Donnie crouched over, dying. “That’s not possible!”

“Look, person named Casey,” Raph wiped another tear, “no offense, but if you’re trying to scare us, I can assure you you’ve got better things to do.”

“No! I’m trying to warn you guys about the future!”

“Right,” Leon rolled his eyes playfully. “And uh… how do we know whether we should take your word for it?”  

“Because if you won’t do something about this,” Casey’s face contorted in anger, “(NAME) IS GOING TO DIE!”

Noise slipped into immediate silence. Everyone stopped, eyes wide.

“Woah, woah,” Raph’s tone lowered, “You crossed the line there, pal.” The snapping turtle looked to his red-eared brother in concern. He found Leon clenching his hands and narrowing his eyes. “Yeah. There are other ways to get us to listen, y’know.”

“But you wouldn’t listen! And I’m not lying when I—!”

“Then, what are you talking about?!”

“Fine. Let’s start over.” Casey sighed, “My name is Casey Jones. In the future, an alien race by the name of Kraang decimated the planet. Master Leonardo gave me a mission: find the key and stop them.

When I arrived, I couldn’t recognize the place at all. Seeing Commander O’Neil, I thought she could the best person to start with.”

“What’s (Name) got to do here?” Donnie questioned.

“She—.” Casey hesitated, meeting Leon’s eyes. The red-eared slider crossed his arms. “Say it.”

“…She was killed trying to save Master Leonardo.”

[devil-doll13]

Some Brahms Heelshire headcanons that have been little worms rotting my brain for a while. I want to understand him better <3

Many of these are x reader bc I couldn’t help myself

Starting with some ‘common knowledge’ stuff I generally agree on: yes, he is a sweaty boy. I actually think he has more anxiety than you might initially think he has, and this nervousness sort of goes towards causing it.

I touched on this in my Brahms fic months ago but this man really needs a routine in his life. He needs consistency and structure, and doesn’t react well to sudden change. He needs to approve of every nanny that is offered to him, they can’t just be introduced without his say-so. Nor can any of his rules be broken or altered, or ever strayed from. He’s very particular about certain things and what he likes and dislikes. Put it this way: if he isn’t pleased with something, you will know one way or the other.

His diet is very predictable and simple - some might even say bland - and this is also along the same line as this need for routine. Side note, but I think if you gave him spicy food he’d probably die or something… He’s English after all kwkdflf

Being confined inside the walls of the Heelshire estate most of the time has led to him developing a touch of Agoraphobia. He’s also definitely an indoors person, while I believe he may be able to appreciate the beauty of nature, mostly something like a well-tended garden, he’d prefer to remain at a distance. If he had to choose, he enjoys admiring english roses the most. He wouldn’t protest much if you decided to bring in a few to put in a vase.

Also, the vast amounts of time Brahms has on his hands (when not spent watching his nanny or parents, when they were still alive) goes towards cultivating his many hobbies; and he has many different interests. He may not have been part of any public schooling system, but that doesn’t really mean anything, he absorbs information eagerly regardless. He’s an avid reader and probably knows the Heelshire mansion’s library inside and out at this point, with both fiction and non-fiction (although you just know he was raised on a diet of pre-approved classics) catching his interest. Some of these beloved favourites are quite weathered and worn-out now. You know the kind I’m talking about, hanging practically by a thread from the spine…

Brahms is also a big music guy. His parents probably were as well. I mean, I personally believe they named him after the composer. We see in the movie that the music needs to be played loud, probably so he can hear reverberating all through the house (although tbh the way the house is, it doesn’t take that much. He still just wants it LOUD). Given that we can see a violin in his room, as well as sheet music, I think he can play both it and the piano. It would’ve been difficult for him to stop enjoying this, since he had to pretend he didn’t exist when a nanny/Greta was there.

Before the fire, his parents (particularly his mother) saw his upstart skill with music as the potential to become the next great composer, and pushed him towards improving it. Even if these expectations caused some stress for him back then, Brahms still loves playing dearly now.

He also sees this as an opportunity to impress upon you that he’s incredibly suave and attractive and cultured™️ so that you’ll stay. In his mind, if he comes across as interesting enough, he’ll have a better chance of wooing you into permanent residence in his house. That grocery boy is his sworn enemy in part because, deep down, he‘s self-aware enough to know that there are many difficulties to being with a man like him. Brahms is a complex mixture of quite spoiled and entitled vs insecurity, and he doesn’t enjoy confronting these thoughts either.

Oh, as for how he’d react to new music that isn’t classical, I don’t think it would entirely be a hatred for something new. While there may be a period of ‘what is this s/o this is not on the schedule?’ Brahms is a curious boy at heart, a man who was sequestered from the rest of the world and had much of his knowledge intake restricted, particularly by his mother. It will not be an immediate appreciation from him, but I think that this curiosity - and his desire to get to know you better - will win over in the end.

While I know it’s popular consensus that he’s a horny boy and very clingy and touch starved, (which I agree with to some degree), I also think one thing he’s been missing his entire life is good, intelligent conversation. His parents tended to talk at him rather than to him, and, well… It’s left him quite isolated and lonely, only able to imagine making a human connection through novels and daydreams. Brahms is one of the few slashers who does speak and I think he can speak quite well and eloquently. This might surprise you if you’ve gotten used to the doll persona, but Brahms the man is so real, so raw, and he’s formed an unbreakable bond with you before you’ve even realised he exists. He craves a genuine connection with you that goes beyond just lust, and I honestly believe he can be gentle. We see how tenderly he treats the Greta doll for instance, how it seems to be well looked after and given lots of space on his bed. A real person isn’t the same as a body-pillow, but… I don’t think he’d be as terrible a lover as people think.

He absolutely has major attachment issues and separation anxiety though. It only gets worse after Greta, after his parents… And yeah, he is clingy as fuck. Brahms can get addicted to actual, physical human touch very quickly. For far too long, he’s been substituting with pillows and dolls; but he’s had quite enough of dolls, now. I can honestly see him developing some resentment towards the thing, because although it has been his ‘persona’ for many years, it isn’t really him. Basically, once he’s revealed himself, Brahms could care less what happens to it… It might be therapeutic for him to even smash it himself, yeah? It’s a tantrum he needs to throw.

Anyway on a lighter note, it gets very draughty in the Heelshire mansion - it’s old, after all. He’s a hound for cuddles all the time, but especially during the winter months because he’s desperate for some heat and human connection. He enjoys lying on top of you like some kind of weighted blanket, and also likes it when you do the same to him. Curl up on his fuzzy chest and pour over a book together, it’s practically mandatory at this point <3

I can’t see him wanting children with you at all, sorry. He’s way too selfish honestly lol. He hogs your affection and love day and night and he’s pretty shameless about it. Besides, he’s just not father material to be entirely honest. he’s your baby why do you want another one

Also any pets you have are on on thin ice… He wouldn’t hurt them (I wouldn’t like to believe so anyway) but he’s always jealous and sulky if he thinks you’re spending more time with them than him, even if it’s like. Five more minutes yes he has a record, probably a calendar or something. He tends to plop his curly head on your lap and demand you stroke it and lavish your attention on him until he’s satisfied. Which will probably be never tbh.

[raplinesmoon]

hi everyone, i just wanted to come on here and make this post. like a lot of you, i’ve been deeply affected by what’s been going on in Gaza the past few weeks. It has quite literally altered my brain and the way i’ve been able to live my life day-to-day. even though i’m not Palestinian, i’ve grown up learning about the fight for Palestinian liberation. my real name (bless my parents), literally references the land of Palestine.

i know there’s a lot of grief in our hearts, watching genocide happen live on our screens in front of our very eyes. It’s heavy and it’s traumatic and the human body isn’t built to withstand this much grief and trauma without it fundamentally altering us. I’ve been struggling a lot with my grief recently, and how to make sense of it, and in doing so, i’ve tried to challenge myself that whenever i need a “break” from the news, or i just need to do something that makes me fundamentally human (like watching a movie, listening to music, making food), i’m going to try and engage with content from Palestinian creatives as a way to stay dialed in and to never stop speaking up. i thought i’d share some of what i’ve been engaging with in order to keep learning about Palestine and its people, and to make sure their voices are always heard.

disclaimer: this list is not meant to be comprehensive or exhaustive, as I still have a lot to look through, but feel free to reblog with your own additions!

Read:

A Woman Is No Man by Etaf Rum - In Brooklyn, eighteen-year-old Deya is starting to meet with suitors. Though she doesn’t want to get married, her grandparents give her no choice. History is repeating itself: Deya’s mother, Isra, also had no choice when she left Palestine as a teenager to marry Adam. Though Deya was raised to believe her parents died in a car accident, a secret note from a mysterious, yet familiar-looking woman makes Deya question everything she was told about her past. As the narrative alternates between the lives of Deya and Isra, she begins to understand the dark, complex secrets behind her community.

The author just released a new novel, Evil Eye, which is also on my to-read list.

Against The Loveless World by Susan Abulhawa - As Nahr sits, locked away in solitary confinement, she spends her days reflecting on the dramatic events that landed her in prison in a country she barely knows. Born in Kuwait in the 70s to Palestinian refugees, she dreamed of falling in love with the perfect man, raising children, and possibly opening her own beauty salon. Instead, the man she thinks she loves jilts her after a brief marriage, her family teeters on the brink of poverty, she’s forced to prostitute herself, and the US invasion of Iraq makes her a refugee, as her parents had been. After trekking through another temporary home in Jordan, she lands in Palestine, where she finally makes a home, falls in love, and her destiny unfolds under Israeli occupation.

Susan Abulhawa is also the author of Mornings in Jenin, a fantastic novel that describes the Nakba (Catastrophe) of 1948, in which 750,000 Palestinians were expelled from their homes by the Occupation Forces, and The Blue Between Sky and Water, a story about four generations of a Palestinian family in a refugee camp in Gaza.

Salt Houses by Hala Aylan - On the eve of her daughter Alia’s wedding, Salma reads the girl’s future in a cup of coffee dregs. She sees an unsettled life for Alia and her children; she also sees travel, and luck. While she chooses to keep her predictions to herself that day, they will all soon come to pass when the family is uprooted in the wake of the Six-Day War of 1967.  Salma is forced to leave her home in Nablus; Alia’s brother gets pulled into a politically militarized world he can’t escape; and Alia and her gentle-spirited husband move to Kuwait City, where they reluctantly build a life with their three children. When Saddam Hussein invades Kuwait in 1990, Alia and her family once again lose their home, their land, and their story as they know it, scattering to Beirut, Paris, Boston, and beyond. Soon Alia’s children begin families of their own, once again navigating the burdens (and blessings) of assimilation in foreign cities.

The Beauty of Your Face by Sahar Mustahfah - Afaf Rahman, the daughter of Palestinian immigrants, is the principal of a Muslim school in the Chicago suburbs. One morning, a shooter—radicalized by the online alt-right—attacks the school. As Afaf listens to his terrifying progress, we are swept back through her memories, and into a profound and “moving” (Bustle) exploration of one woman’s life in a nation at odds with its ideals.

Light In Gaza (anthology) - Light in Gaza is a seminal, moving and wide-ranging anthology of Palestinian writers and artists. It constitutes a collective effort to organize and center Palestinian voices in the ongoing struggle. As political discourse shifts toward futurism as a means of reimagining a better way of living, beyond the violence and limitations of colonialism, Light in Gaza is an urgent and powerful intervention into an important political moment.

E-Book is available for free on Haymarket Books’ website!

The Butterfly’s Burden by Mahmoud Darwish - The Butterfly's Burden combines the complete text of Darwish's two most recent full-length volumes, linked by the stunning memoir-witness poem “A State of Siege.” Love poems, sonnets, journal-like distillations, and interlaced lyrics balance old literary traditions with new forms, highlighting loving reflections alongside bitter longing.

Orientalism by Edward Saïd - In this wide-ranging, intellectually vigorous study, Said traces the origins of "orientalism" to the centuries-long period during which Europe dominated the Middle and Near East and, from its position of power, defined "the orient" simply as "other than" the occident. This entrenched view continues to dominate western ideas and, because it does not allow the East to represent itself, prevents true understanding.

THIS IS LITERALLY ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS I’VE EVER READ

Watch:

Farha (2021) - After persuading her father to continue her education in the city, a Palestinian girl's dream is shattered by the harrowing developments of the Nakba.

Born In Gaza (2014) - The documentary follows the story of about ten children who tell what their daily life is like after the horror of the war on Gaza in the summer of 2014.

Omar (2013) - Arrested after the death of an Israeli soldier, a Palestinian baker agrees to work as an informant, but his true motives and alliances remain hidden.

Mo (2022) - Mo Najjar straddles the line between two cultures, three languages and a ton of foolishness as a Palestinian refugee constantly living one step away from asylum on the path to U.S. citizenship.

Listen: 

Saint Levant - born Marwan Abdelhamid, is a Palestinian/French/Algerian/Serbian artist based in California. He was born in Jerusalem during the second Intifada due to complications in the city where he would eventually spend his childhood years – the Gaza Strip.

Check out: From Gaza, With Love

Nehmasis - Nemahsis is the stage name of Nemah Hasan, a Palestinian Canadian pop singer from Toronto, Ontario

Check out: i wanna be your right hand

Zeyne - Zeyne is a Jordanian/Palestinian singer, songwriter and musician. A voice passed down from her grandmother down to her mother and then to her, 'songbird' zeyne seeks to create music that shares her truths and perspectives in the hopes of connecting with others worldwide.

Check out: Balak

Belly -Ahmad Balshe, known professionally as Belly, is a Palestinian-Canadian rapper, singer, songwriter, and record producer. Born in Jenin, Balshe was raised in Ottawa.

Check out: Xion

Eat:

Mxriyum - Mariam is a Palestinian home cook behind the ever popular account TikTok and Instagram, Mxriyum. 

Heifa (fufuinthekitchen) - I’m a first-generation Palestinian American raised in NJ but now calls Chicago home. I am the founder, recipe developer, and food photographer behind Fufu’s Kitchen. And if you are wondering, Fufu is my nickname-it just stuck!

Hanan Saeed (palestinianfoodie)

Joudie Kalla - Joudie Kalla is a Palestinian-British chef and food writer. She is the author of two prizewinning cookbooks, Palestine on a Plate: Memories from My Mother’s Kitchen, and Baladi: A Celebration of Food from Land and Sea, and has featured in venues like The New York Times, The Guardian, and Al Jazeera

Shop:

Nominal - co-founded by Lena Sarsour, a Palestinian, Nominal creates Arabic-inspired jewelry. They are currently donating 100% of proceeds to Pious Projects, an on-the-ground aid organization working in Gaza, until October 31, 2023. 

PaliRoots - Founded in 2016, the PaliRoots mission is to bring awareness to the world about the Palestinian culture by crafting specialty products inspired by its people and identity. They work with Middle East Children’s Alliance (MECA), to donate a meal to children in Gaza for every order.

West Bank Apparel - West Bank Apparel was established in 2014, guided by a singular mission: to offer our customers products that resonate with a sense of purpose and contribution to a greater cause. They work with Islamic Relief USA to donate a portion of each sale to various charities providing meals and aid in Palestine.

[hannxgram-headcannons]

Moments with my Hannibal Kinnie Bf that altered my brain chemistry when I made him watch Hannibal for the first time

- Seeing him say “if I were Hannibal…” and knowing what he said he’d do is EXACTLY what Hannibal did next

- Catching him late one night googling “Plastic Suit” into Google images and taking notes

- hearing him say the words “I am so deeply disappointed in Will for this” when he saw Freddie alive

- Him making me pause the show so many goddamn times in season three to rant about Italy to me…particularly statues he wish he’d gotten to see more of when he visited

- seeing him frantically whip out a sketchbook of his from like four years ago and showing me a sketch of the EXACT section of the primavera?? Is that the painting Hannibal was drawing in the show of the lady and the man?? Idk but I shit you not I about lost my mind

- him leaving mid opening scene of season three only to come back in with Hannibal’s exact leather jacket from the motorcycle scene

- listening to him explain Hannibal’s thought process at any point of the show my favorite time being when he explained dating Alana “He (Hannibal) wanted Will to Picture him in a sexual nature I believe….” Blah blah blah but it makes sense

- seeing him totally on the edge of his seat just LOVING all the bloody gore and shit but watching him have to physically hide his face in his hands when the dragon ate that painting telling me “Of all the things I’ve seen in this show that is by far the worst scene” literally ranting for ages about poisoning paints and paper…fuckin priceless art value and whatnot as if we didn’t just see all the fucked up shit we saw

- listening to him NONSTOP the ENTIRE FUCKIN SHOW talk about how bad he wanted Will to either kill one of the killers or fight Hannibal

- *obvious boners from Will being mean to Hannibal*

- going to look up something on his computer and seeing his last search being quote “Hugh Dancy Other movies”

- Laughiig with him when Hannibal got shot because he said “if he heals from that wound he would be able to digest red meat for some time”

- having to explain to him what fanfiction is when we watched an interview with Mads

- hearing him practically moan when Will looked up at Hannibal when they killed the dragon like the man had a small orgasm I swear I fuckin SWEAR

- Hearinf him nonstop talk about Will Graham ALL THE FUCKING TIME LIKE NONSTOP I AM SO TIRED OF HEARJNF ABOUT HIM

- Showinf me his one Spotify playlist after the finally when he told me and I quote “Is the song playing currently a Sioux and the Banshees song?” Like I had a fuckin clue but apparently he used to listen to it all the time and told me “All those years of it’s chorus hitting my eardrums and now I feel it’s tune has an entirely new meaning”

- Him coming to me later one night and telling me he wished there was more and that he was tryin to setup an A03 account

[denimbex1986]

'Cillian Murphy may be the hot favourite to win Best Actor at next month’s Oscars, but he has revealed he wasn’t the first choice for his breakthrough TV role.

Murphy played family patriarch Tommy Shelby in global hit period drama Peaky Blinders, but he revealed this week he wasn’t writer Stephen Knight’s first choice for the lead role.

He told the BBC’s Desert Island Discs radio interview show: “I wasn’t the obvious choice physically. I don’t know if I convinced Stephen in the meeting, but apparently afterwards I sent him a text that said: ‘Remember, I am an actor.’ And I do believe that. I do think it is our duty as actors to transform to whatever the part demands.”

Shelby and his Birmingham gangster family bowed out after six seasons in 2022, but Murphy revealed that he remains open to playing the role again: “If there is more story to tell, and if Stephen Knight delivers a script like I know he can, then I will be there,” Murphy said.

“I mean, if we want to watch 50-year-old Tommy Shelby, I will be there. Let’s do it.”

On his much-heralded depiction of Oppenheimer in Christopher Nolan’s epic movie, Murphy said he realised the portrayal “would be ultimately a synthesis of the script, all the stuff that I was absorbing of him, and then an element of yourself in it. And then you put it all in the mix and that becomes Chris’s version and my version of Oppenheimer.”

The Irish actor said he said he had learned to enjoy awards season, something he hadn’t always felt in the past.

He reflected: “But you can choose to enjoy it. You can make that alteration in your brain. Really, you would be an eejit not to enjoy it. Just go with it.”'

[multiplicity-positivity]

I can relate a lot to everything in the infographic about depersonalization and most (not sure of some) of derealization, but I don't feel anything when I'm talking about my past... It's just weird, sometimes it seems so far away that it is almost like a game I once played or like reading a story in a book.

My memory is so fuzzy that it feels like my brain has filled in MANY gaps in my brain with imagination, leaving only what logically happened.

And memories are hard to tell if they affect me or not... I don't really know what it's like to feel emotionally connected to a memory, really. This is weird, right? ^^'

I don't know why I feel this way, but I would be happy if y'all could explain a little bit about what it's like to feel "emotionally connected" and "emotionally disconnected" from a memory. It's ok if y'all don't, I just needed to tell :)

Sure.

So we used to have this dog. She passed away a few years ago, but she was my very best friend. When I look back on memories we shared together, I feel emotional. I miss her, I feel nostalgic, I feel joy recalling fond moments, and pain when I recall how she passed. In this way, I am emotionally connected to the memories I have of her. I can remember the emotions I felt in the past when I was with her, and I feel emotional simply thinking about our lives together.

Conversely, I have tons of other memories I feel completely disconnected from. I’m cocon often, so I can remember a lot of what happens in our daily life, but those memories don’t ever feel like mine.

A few weeks ago, Margo had to deescalate a situation with a customer at work. The guy had his hand on his gun and was shouting because a different store had messed up his order. She was able to effectively get him to calm down, no one was shot, and he got his order and left. I guess in the moment we were scared… but when I look back at that memory, it doesn’t feel scary to me. I don’t feel anything at all. It’s like I can watch a memory that belongs to someone else, without feeling anything that was felt at the time, and without having any sort of emotional reaction to it.

When dealing with symptoms of depersonalization and derealization, it’s common to have a fuzzy memory. It’s common to think of your memories as something you’ve heard from someone else, read in a story, watched in a movie, or played in a video game, rather than something that actually happened to you.

My memory is incredibly spotty, and like you, I also have huge gaps that are filled in by my imagination or what I believe logically could have happened. I don’t feel emotionally connected to many of my memories at all, but there are a select few that I cherish or can’t escape from, which I’m extremely connected to.

If you deal with DPDR, it’s not weird to be unable to tell whether or not you feel connected to your memories. I feel like many of us in the system encounter that when thinking about our past. I have a strong emotional connection to memories of our dog that passed, but that’s not shared with many of my alters - even those who interacted with her daily and loved her when she was alive.

I wish there was more I could say or another example I could provide, but it’s weird for us too and I’m struggling to think of another memory I’m connected to in order to share 😅 most of my memories feel like they belong to someone else.

But maybe this could help you somehow? Idk sorry if it can’t. We’re not a professional at all and I may be doing a bad job of explaining. It’s really confusing for me too, and I’m honestly still struggling to understand my own memory and how it works. I’m sorry.

💫 Parker

[genericswordsmaiden]

Two evenings ago I watched "Hello, Dolly!" for the first time and I think it altered my brain chemistry in some way. Songs? Wonderful. Characters? Adorable. Especially Cornelius, I love him!... And except Horace, he's a bitter bitch for 4/5 of the movie. Barbra Streisand's voice is just as powerful as I remember it being (I hadn't listened to her songs for so many years, except that one with Barry Gibb) and I love the costumes so so much!!! I also liked how Ermengarde was really smol and Ambrose was really tall, they were so cute!

I rewatched it this evening because, quoting Cornelius, I couldn't help myself! It is just so elegant, witty, sparkly and comfy. If I could choose a movie to live in, I'd choose this.

I think I'll write some fanfic about it, I really feel like something good might come out.

Michael Crawford's voice really got to me, he has some kind of charm I can't pinpoint. I'll try to find some recordings of his performance as the Phantom of the Opera, I need to watch him being dramatic because I believe that usually the silly ones are fantastic in dramatic roles - plus, he played that character for 6 years! There has to be a reason for it, right?

Lastly, I wanna say: thanks to Streisand and Crawford (but really to all of the cast) for making me feel emotions after a long period of apathy! And thanks to the creators of Wall-E for putting those songs in their movie, otherwise it would have taken me who knows how much longer to discover this musical masterpiece.

[kerneldecoy]

Signalis Story: Thoughts on wha happun

I've been thinking about Signalis whole day since I saw a few LPs during my break, trying to parse what actually happen and what didn't. Since I don't have access to the game this is just based on my recollections, so its very possible I missed something, but I needed to get put it down in writing, so its out of my head. And maybe someone will find it useful.

SPOILERS BELOW!

Here is a list of things that I think had to happen for the story to make sense:

Arianne grows up on Rotfront. She loves literature and music and plays with her moms radio, works at the photo shop. The spy plot is probably irrelevant, tho its possible that her mom was involved. She is bioresonant (psychic) and has health problems.

She is conscripted into the army, but chooses to sign up for the Penrose program. Penrose are little scout ships with minimal crew of one meat person and one android person, sent into deep space to find new worlds. Her android companion is Elster

During the voyage, she ignores the robot waifu instruction manual and they get closer. They watch movies and listen to music, Arianna tries to help Elster with her memories by painting the scenes she remembers. They have tons of big gay sex.

The Penrose ships are designed to fail after 8-10 years. Its unclear if they knew about it, but they decide to keep going for as long as they can.

Arianne grows increasingly sick from radiation leaking from ships generator. She spirals into delirium, her mind powers and preexisting conditions are probably involved somehow too. She can't sleep anymore and asks Elster to kill her. She can't do it however and they drift off for at least another 8 years.

This is where the endings come in. I personally believe at least 3 of them had to happen at some point, otherwise we kinna end up in a situation where its a "Its all in your head" story, which I hate. I like when things actually happen :V

First of all, they crash on an unknown planet. Elster leaves the ship behind: the Leave ending shows an unarmored default Elster crawling up and collapsing. I think she probably walked a fair more than what the cutscene shows for the next point to make sense.

Either the planet itself has some dormant reality-bending powers, or Arianne herself becomes such a big cancer monster she is able to fuck around with reality, albeit unconsciously.

Two things are possible after that: either they crashed on an already colonized world, meaning the Penrose somehow doubled back from its journey, which is possible given the time frame, or a new colony was founded where they crashed, in which case some later events make more sense.

What doesn't make sense and I can't fit it into the timeframe anywhere, is the various notes relating that new Elster models where based on brain scans of the one from Penrose. She had to be recovered at some point, and a lot of time had to pass between that and the events of the game itself for those models to become so numerous. It is possible that the notes are bullshit, and its just that the psycho waves from Arianne are resonating with every Elster model, but given that the notes themselves are otherwise reliable to some degree, its weird for this one to be the odd one out.

Either way, there is now a whole mining facility on that planet. There is lots of problems for them to deal with: one, because of the war, their supply chain is being cut off, so they gotta deal with whatever they got, and two, there is a sickness spreading through both the meat and robot population. The meat people slowly loose their identity and melt into goo, kinna like DS hollowing, while the robits go through psychosis and loose their minds. The cause is Arianne big mind cancer powers, sending out signals from the wreck of the Penrose, and its unclear how much of that power is altering reality, and how much it is just projecting that reality into the minds of everyone on the planet. Either way, the commander of the facility, Falke, goes out to investigate, and gets psycho crushed, her memories fusing with Elster's, becoming the last boss.

Every single Elster model in range of the signal starts getting drawn in to the Penrose. We can see a loooot of Elster corpses, notably filling up the elevator shaft where Adler shoves them in, and the desert/snowfield around the Penrose. Depending on the ending, we play several of those doing the rounds and trying to get to Arianne.

Second ending shows one of Elsters somewhere in the middle of those cycles, getting to Arianne, but still refusing to kill her, collapsing instead next to her for the next cycle Elster to strip off her armor.

Third ending is the most likely to be the final cycle, as the Elster shown is the one who finally puts Arianne out of her misery. Presumably that will shut down the psycho signal that's corrupting everyone, tho I doubt the gooified people would be able to return.

Now, the secret ending is very confusing to fit into all this. It shows some kind of ritual, with all of the cast being sacrificed around the coffin closely resembling the cryo chamber Arianne is in, but instead it's holding a very vague shape, resembling the games logo. The 6 people are arranged in the same way that other 6 key puzzle doors are throughout the game. The only theory I have for this, is that this is the start of the whole thing. After the first ending, when Penrose is discovered, either one of the Elsters, or perhaps psycho crushed Falke, performs some sort of ritual that actually starts the whole mind/reality warping powers, in order to keep spending time with Arianne. Its either that, or its entirely bullshit, which as I said, I don't particularly like :V

Anyways, this has been my thoughts. As I can't afford the game right now,I couldn't play it myself to get all the details, so its very possible that i missed something. For example, I have no idea if the mining facility is the Sikorski mentioned, or is it also just a product of Ariannes memories, tho the actual location doesn't matter to me in this case. I am far more interested in the events that lead to the game happening, rather than the complete picture of where it happened.

Hope it was an interesting read at least x3

[dogspeaker]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks..

This ask could not have come at a more perfect time, I am so deep in fictional character brainrot and this gives me such a great outlet for it :,) hope you're ready lmao

In no particular order:

Klaupacius and Trurl — The Cyberiad, Stanislaw Lem

These two are the main characters in this set of short stories. They are the greatest constructors in the universe — they can make anything and everything, to a fault. They're always at odds, but they are fundamentally inseparable; there isn't ever even a question in-universe of whether they'll come back together, because they always do. They have seen each other's greatest triumphs, and they have fixed each other's most egregious mistakes.

I have to put these two together; it just doesn't feel right to separate them into two entries. Even though there are some stories in the anthology where only one of them is acting, the other always makes a cameo by the end. I joke a lot about media altering my brain chemistry when I get obsessed with it, but this book truly did do something powerful to me. They exemplify the quintessential asexual queerplatonic relationship in my mind, and they have become everything I wanted for my own future long term relationship.

This book contains the most beautiful love poem I have ever read.

2. Selina Meyer — Veep

I'm obsessed with this show, and I quite literally rewatch it on a loop, only sometimes buffered by watching something else. I have a giant spreadsheet with every episode and every character listed where I am working on outlining exactly what I think every character's "rule" is, and where in the show they finally break that rule. Everyone breaks their rule — except for Selina Meyer.

Without spoilers: Selina Meyer is a masterclass in writing an in-universe anti-villain. Her (public) goals are, at face value, incredibly noble: she wants to dedicate her life to serving the public in political office. However, due to her deep personality flaws, she ends up being one of the most morally reprehensible characters ever written.

3. Howl Pendragon/Jenkins (movie) — Howl's Moving Castle

What can I say? He's gender. He has the life I want. I watch this movie to live vicariously through him. His growth is beautiful; it inspires me when I feel like I'm running from my responsibilities and loved ones.

I do also have a lot of love for book Howl, though he didn't make the cut for this list. He is a picture perfect blorbo. I'm glad they changed him deeply and fundamentally in the interest of making the movie that I know and love, so that I could be deeply and brutally shocked by how low book Howl will stoop to continue to be worse.

4. Kikyo — Inuyasha, Rumiko Takahashi

She was my first character love. Kikyo is uniquely tragic, and I haven't found another character who makes me feel the same way she does.

She's undead, doomed to wander a place where she doesn't belong until she is finally put down again. However, instead of laying down again willingly after being resurrected, she chooses to continue walking amongst the living, and by doing so endures unimaginable emotional and spiritual suffering, and she chooses this for two reasons. One, because she is still dedicated to defeating the evil that stole her life from her. Two, because she is still hopelessly in love with Inuyasha, and takes every available opportunity to have him again.

Kikyo is sympathetic, but deeply flawed. Despite knowing she is doomed never to live, she can't help but grasp at anything close to the life she desired for herself and Inuyasha, as equals and lovers. And despite knowing her turn at life is over, that she is no longer a factor in the ultimate fate of their world, she still believes that she is the only one with the power to defeat the evil that they are facing.

She dies after a life/undeath full of suffering, without reaping any of the rewards she wanted for herself — the only thing she gets in the end is a peaceful death in her lover's arms.

5. Nux — Mad Max: Fury Road

I'm such a sucker for someone who was raised in a cult, who comes out of it and comes to love the beauty they found in the world outside of their lifelong beliefs. I have so much I could say, but Nux is just so much better experienced than explained in my mind. I wish he could have lived forever.

6. Todd Chavez — Bojack Horseman

Every time I try to write paragraphs about him, it just doesn't come out right. He's the unsung hero of the show. He's a beautifully portrayed asexual character who finds fulfillment after setting hard boundaries. He has compassion for Bojack to a fault, but in the end is still able to set and keep meaningful boundaries. I just love him so much.

7. Jobu Tupaki — Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

I could write so many paragraphs. When I watched this movie for the first time, a hole in my heart was filled. There is not a single other piece of media I can think of that treats a godlike character like EEAAO treats Jobu. Being all-knowing and essentially omnipresent has rendered all material goals pointless, and relationships with people who aren't like her have no benefit in the end.

The movie has a great ending, showing that she and her mother must choose things that matter to them, to give them purpose. To me, though, there's still this big question mark in the background — it's entirely possible that they will end together in the same place that Jobu was in when the movie started, simply because that might be the ultimate final state of omniscient beings.

8. Frankenstein's Demon — Frankenstein, Mary Shelley

I didn't say "monster," because Shelley refers to him almost exclusively as a "demon/daemon" after Frankenstein learns how educated he is. He is first a monster, bumbling around committing murders and doing things without knowing the suffering he's enduring. But after he reads the books and encounters the family in the cottage, he's able to act with intention, and put words to his suffering, and all of a sudden in Shelley's words, he becomes a demon.

Essays have been written about what makes the Demon such a great character. I love him because in the end, seeing his creator's dead body, he tries to tell Frankenstein that he forgives him for his hubris. He is the first true android character in my heart of hearts.

9. Kusuriuri / The Medicine Seller — Mononoke

God, this show is a masterpiece. Kusuriuri represents a type of character that's pretty rare: he has no agenda, and in the end I don't think he even necessarily has fundamental beliefs. His mission is to resolve the turmoil of the dead which create the monsters he fights, on their terms, using "lessons" they can understand. He is entirely neutral but for that one goal. It's awesome to watch, and I absolutely CANNOT wait for the movie!!!

10. Dave Strider —  Homestuck

Listen. I hid it at the bottom of the post like a respectable, shameful Homestuck of old. He’s the best. He’s the worst. He’s transcoded. I love him. What do you want from me. I’ve clearly got some complex feelings about transmasculinity seeing as Howl is also on this list. Leave me alone. But also, I have paragraphs ready to defend this man against all wrongdoing; the only issue is that he has so many timelines, and I don’t want to subject any of the readers of this post to such things.

In all seriousness, his character helped me reckon with some very major changes in my life. For those who need it: sometimes it’s okay for your authority figures to become peers. It’s part of becoming an adult. There are just some things that are not properly articulated in short form fiction; the change from “parent/authority” to “peer/parent” is one of those things. Idk what else to say here.

[education-over-demonization]

Hello again!

I'm the girl from the questions in the last post. I needed to thank you HUGELY for all the time and energy you have used to clarify my doubts. I find it hard to believe how many dots were connected in my mind. 😅

Maybe it's more obvious than it seemed to me, but you explain with stunning clarity (I suppose you've had to do it many times). The difference between minutes before reading you and now is abysmal.

You have not used any inappropriate language, unlike me, and know that I have read you with great humility and attention.

I was interested and even moved, above all, for the third answer. I first assumed that if the DID was caused by trauma, then part of recovery must strictly include "returning" to the previous state of mind. However, and I say this as someone dealing with the consequences of trauma who doesn't have DID, that's impossible, with or without DID.

I think I also approached the non-human alters incorrectly. From your explanation I seem to understand much more, but just to make sure: since there is not only one valid alter, the same person can be Linda or Tom. But it can't be a stone. Now, you can have an alter that is, because not all alters fulfill the same function and it is more complex than that (I'm going to be very happy if any of that is correct, oh Lord).

Something that, I don't think, but I definitely approached incorrectly was the last question. From the outside, when, for example, family members talk about people with DID as if they don't have it and the disorder is something separate, an appendage that can be removed, they tend to refer to terms like that because, I suppose, they still see Tom as just Tom and they also assume that his mind works like theirs. My question has to do with that error, of course: to learn about others from oneself instead of the other way around. I am very sorry and I am also very grateful that you have corrected me so accurately.

I think my hypothesis was that, since each case is different, if a person's alters were, mostly, rather rough outlines for specific situations and not so "fragmented", so that the person maintained certain sense of identity, or the predominance of an alter, then they would feel more "intervened" in their identity than "confused" before finding a diagnosis. I don't know if it's possible, I think that's what I was trying to say.

From your explanation I understand that the "Tom" prior to the trauma would be as if not more fragmented, and my idea seems now like something out of a rather bad and childish Hollywood movie. In addition, without taking into account the DID, I don't know what link a child would have with his family in the face of such an emotional blow, whatever its origin.

I don't know if it makes sense or not, but perhaps I was thinking this: knowing that oneself is Tom, Susan's brother and with x characteristics, but at the same time oneself is Julia, and Julia hasn't spent that much time fronting, so does not consider that she has sisters. Thanks to your explanation and rethinking all possible alters as indisputably part of the same person, it makes more sense.

Thanks again, and sorry for my ignorance. I hope I didn't use any offensive terms this time, and if that is the case, I apologize in advance.

A pleasure to learn from someone so generous. I really admire what you do.

Regards!

I’m glad I was able to make provide clarity, I’ve done a tremendous amount of research and combined that with my own experiences as well as those of fellow systems as I find you tend to get the same basic information through google searches.

And trauma is something that tends to have lifelong effects. Therapy can help a lot, but memories and habits can linger, and even those with our DID will have omitted memories, and the brain does not let those come to light easily. DID is tricky because even if a final fusion occurred that person is at risk for splitting again, as it’s what the brain is used to and brains love patterns.

I’m not entirely sure I understand what you meant in the part of human & nonhuman alters but I shall do my best! We can get blurry, where multiple alters melt together, as well as being cocon. And alters that are inanimate objects can exist, I’ve heard it’s more rare but considering how complex and vast trauma can be I wouldn’t be surprised by it.

As far as families, many simply deny it. The abuse can be orchestrated or allowed by family members, and they don’t want to admit it, and even if they did everything in their power to try to prevent it and it failed, no one wants to admit that their precious little angel has DID, because they feel that they’ve failed as a parent and will be judged. And since so little is commonly known it’s easy for them to dismiss it as make believe, and say they would have noticed, when it truth people usually don’t unless you point it out.

And the feeling of identity is interesting, most people don’t realize what is going on and simply assume it’s normal. I thought everyone had lots of voices in their head. I thought that I just had a bad memory, and for years actually thought I was schizophrenic. Often times the host believes that they are the only one. And even when it was blatantly obvious, I kept avoiding it, because getting a diagnosis means coming to terms that what happened was that bad and that you were traumatized and that the people who were supposed to keep you safe failed to protect you. Yes, knowing what is going on your head is great, but denial is very very strong, because acceptance means that the version of reality you know is wrong and much of your past could have been a lie.

And considering the family of the body family is definitely correlated to how much time you spend fronting! I do consider them to be family while someone who fronts less may not.

And you didn’t use any offensive language this time! My goal is to be able to educate people, resources are difficult to come by but this blog gives me the opportunity to create a space where anyone can ask questions and get an answer and help destigmatized DID.

[izzyspussy]

Stizzy ask (pre steddyhands I guess?)

Idk if this is for you my guy but I've had this rattling around my brain for the last few days and uhhhhh

A sex pollen/fuck or die scenario where Izzy is the only one affected.

The crew know how it has to be handled. Only one way. The captains decide the responsibility falls to them, they won't let any of the crew handle it.

Ed, with his history with Izzy, says he'll do it

Izzy, still coherent enough to have a say, refuses to let Ed "sacrifice himself" and would rather die than let Ed near him, no matter how much he'd want that in any other circumstance

... so Stede steps up

... Izzy doesn't say no

oh dw anon sex pollen is very much For Me

anyway, yeah. i imagine it's probably just a really strong or a botched movie-magic kind of aphro and not actually a fuck-or-die situation, HOWEVER, it is genre shenanigans innit (the genre in this case being porn lmfaooo) so izzy has no frame of reference for it whatsoever and reluctantly believes the supposedly more genre savvy (superstitious) characters when they say he'll literally keel over if he doesn't Get It.

i think it's a combo of ed and izzy who decide none of the crew can do it. izzy doesn't trust any of them enough to let them at him in the first place, and additionally he's absolutely certain they'll hold it over his head forever. ed is just possessive and trying to pretend he's not by using the "captains' responsibility" excuse (though izzy does feel protected by the fact that ed apparently won't stand for dubcon with a crew member, the sexual politics between them are hwjhwlkjas how you say...? wack lmao).

but! izzy doesn't want ed either. the "sacrifice" idea you put forward doesn't really make sense to me except maybe as an excuse. izzy doesn't want ed because he's in love with him and fucking him for exclusively practical life-saving reasons will break his heart. but of course he would never in a million years admit that out loud, and he has to give some reason, so not wanting ed to be dubconned by the situation is what gets said.

so then stede is the only option. and izzy also doesn't want stede just because he doesn't want to owe him, and he figures stede really is taking one for the team (read: for ed) here. but he trusts stede to be kind without belittlement during the act itself, to not meet however izzy reacts to things in his altered state with judgement, to not insult his body, to not tease him later unless duly provoked.

and... he's. attracted. to stede. maybe. maybe. has started to respect him, even. he doesn't have a crush, certainly not, obviously no one on earth can compete with ed that's utterly preposterous izzy will never have feelings for anyone else ever ever ever. obviously. but, y'know. stede is pretty, and he can be properly ruthless when he wants to be, and there's just something about having his attention...

so. yeah. this is. actually quite a few steps above tolerable. not that izzy would ever in a million years admit that out loud. he just. doesn't say no.

[mirror-to-the-past]

Battling Vanitas for the first time as Ventus. Other assorted BBS thoughts below.

Alright, based off the intro sequence with Ventus' messed up heart where Ventus connected his heart with someone else's, the fact that Vanitas is established as an alter-ego of Ventus' (if we can believe Xehanort at all, which, after finishing the Terra route where he manipulates and manslaughters his whole way through, eh), the fact that Sora's VA also voiced Vanitas (I didn't recognize his voice at all! I'm impressed!)- to which I first debated inwardly if it was plot-relevant or coincidental, but now... noticing how Ventus and Vanitas both do the "See ya!" Sora would always do after fire spells... I can't help but think the casting was deliberate in some way. Maybe Ventus connects with Sora's heart in the intro, which would influence older Sora to do his little "See ya!" as well when he does fire spells, and would also explain why on earth Roxas looks like Ventus- something that has been bugging me the entire time. If that happens in the past though... the ramifications of what that would mean on his identity, Sora fusing his "new heart" (that "I'm a new heart line" is particularly one that's stuck with me in regards to this theory) as stated in the intro with Ventus' from such a young age... I don't know, I just find it interesting. How much of Sora would be Sora, and how much of Sora would be Ventus? I definitely see the similarities between them, but hm... if the story decides to go in that direction, I wouldn't be too surprised, given how much it likes exploring messy and enmeshed identity. I'd additionally feel more sad for Roxas as a character, because damn not even your face is yours, bestie.

P.S. I'm very impressed with how Roxas'/Ventus' VA so effectively and immediately demonstrated two very different personalities with the same voice, yet different tones.

P.P.S. I have to get it out of my system: The Destiny Islands section that took me off-guard during Terra's story has been haunting my brain. I figured we might see younger Sora and Riku at some point in the story, given their brief appearance at the end of the intro movie, but I had admittedly kind of forgotten about them until that scene. And WOW, Riku emitted more light than multiple Princesses of Heart?? You're kidding me, right? Was this only not noticable when he was older because he was shrouded in the darkness of teenage angst, has he lost this quality, or some other reason? I was wondering if it was just a childlike innocence thing, but Terra didn't really even seem to care or particularly notice Sora, so alright. The silver-haired kiddo is quickly ascending into Chosen One status, as per the narrative (I'll need to verify with tiny Kairi's heart, to be sure. This is a threat, SE. If I don't see a tiny Kairi happy and healthy in Radiant Garden before its destruction, I'll go bonkers). That was sort of touched upon in KH1 with Riku being the "rightful wielder" of the Keyblade- but I now question how much of that was influenced by Terra sort of anointing him spontaneously, and how much of that was Riku just being some wonder kid from the get-go. It would definitely explain his long-standing desire to go to other worlds and... apparently just a strong intuition at their existence from a very young age, outside of just childlike imagination (and he doesn't seem particularly whimsical as a child, moreso a very solemn one that I could imagine being reluctant to play around other kids at group times- y'know, the articulate but shy types where you have to help them warm up to others. It's really highlighting how unnatural and forced Riku's KH1 tough-guy act was, seeing him as he is in the present, and as a small child. It seems that innately, while doing some competitive talk on occasion, Riku's much more gentle and thoughtful in demeanor than he'd like to let on, sometimes.). I'm also very intrigued by little Riku's knowledge of 'some kid' that left the Islands before. How did he come across that information, I wonder? And the fact that Terra caught a glimpse of Xehanort and older Riku in what seemed like a brief prophetic instinct for some reason in that moment makes me assume that Xehanort was a Destiny Islands' native himself, then, which would, of course, make him that 'kid' that little Riku mentioned. Although it was established in KH1 that Xehanort saw himself in Riku's desire towards freedom, it's really becoming interesting just how linked the two seem to be. Xehanort's unwillingness to fully relinquish his hold upon Riku as a vessel or person of influence might run deeper than simply "muaha, I am evil villain."

And I couldn't help but clutch my heart at the "to protect the things that matter, y'know, like my friends!" On top of him letting Sora win the race across the dock. He really was such a sweetheart to Sora, from the very beginning. It's such a shame that Riku ended up isolating himself so much from him with age; you can clearly see Riku thought the world of him from day one. I don't mean to sound too much like a doting grandmother- but what a sweet kid. He should probably know better than to take Keyblades from strangers, though. (I laughed at how Sora seemed to notice Terra and just go "ooo-kay, moving on." At least some kids know stranger-danger, lol!) I wonder if either of them remember Terra, present day? Probably not, haha.

Okay, that's nearly everything out of my system so far. I've not gotten too invested in the overall story so far, admittedly. I mainly attribute this to most of the dialogue feeling pretty clunky. I know I've poked fun at occasional cheesy lines across the games, but Birth By Sleep especially seems... eh. I'm also spoiled after jumping here directly after finishing 358/2 Days, which had some lovely dialogue, in my honest opinion. Gameplay is awesome, though! I've decided to try to explore different combat styles with each character to really get the full effect. Physical/Earth centric stuff is what I decided for Terra, of course, and I'm trying more status-affecting and Thunder/Wind stuff for Ventus. Hehe, I like theming them. (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

Oh, but they're all going to have Break Time, of course. I found that during Terra's run, and I must see what the others do. My new favorite skill, lol.

Anyway... back to getting my butt beaten by Vanitas in all of his mysterious totally-not-linked-to-Sora glory... at least I've got Mickey Mouse now (Oh, and don't get me started how he wields the key Sora used for duel wielding in KH2, as opposed to the one he's had in the other games).

EDIT: HOLD THE FUCKIN PHONE, I *KNOW* I JUST HEARD AN EDGIFIED MOTIF OF SORA'S THEME IN VANITAS' COMBAT THEME JUST NOW.

[nelson-riddle-me-this]

2 4 5 18!

2) Album of the year?

The cast album for the '95 revival of How To Succeed In Business Without Really Trying - the story and songs are dated in much the way you'd expect a 1960s musical about office politics would be, but the orchestrations for this revival are INCREDIBLE and so up my alley. The brass is tight, punchy, big, and so much more in your face than the original cast album or the '68 movie version (not Nelson Riddle's fault, I believe he was contractually barred from significantly altering the arrangements?). The Daniel Radcliffe and Nick Jonas recordings sound downright puny in comparison. Like THIS is how the orchestra for a splashy Broadway musical should sound imo. It sounds like an orchestra, not a tiny pit band (though that works for some shows, but I have a preference for the former). And it's well recorded/mixed. I remember one of my professors years ago told me of a renegotiation with the musician's union that happened in the early 2000s allowing producers smaller orchestras than originally called for in revivals. Also the change in vocal style - I frankly find the current prevailing vocal style on Broadway annoying and have for some time (too forward, too chewey, too contrived, the R's are so hard and nerdy and annoying). Anyway but yeah it's very fun and I've listened to it a lot in the past few months.

4) Movie of the year?

Probs The Slender Thread (1965). It was the 1st movie I saw at the TCM FF this year and it was just as good as I was hoping it would be, if not better! Sidney Poitier and Anne Bancroft were great. Sydney Pollack's direction is stylish, dramatic, and sensitive. Though in some ways it's very dated, it's exploration of someone in a mental health crisis is still very relevant and has imo aged better than you'd expect a movie from the mid-60s to. That movie's stuck in my brain more than perhaps anything else I watched this year, and just become a little part of my life. Also Quincy Jones' score is very good and this track from it was my wakeup alarm most of the year.

5) TV show of the year?

Hmm, probably Mad About You (1992-9)! I started watching it I wanna say last year with my mom when I was living back home for a while, but It's something I've watched a lot on my own this year. There are so many sitcoms about nuclear families or perpetually-single adults, it's nice to see one about a newlywed couple with a fundamentally loving and healthy relationship who aren't awful human beings (looking at you, Jerry). The writing's witty and warm, and also it kinda brings to mind what things might have been like for my parents being childless newlyweds in the 90s. Also the older I get the more accurate I find these sitcom 'I'm adult and my parents are insane' interactions. Aaaand Paul Resier's chest hair and silliness make me feel things...

18) A memorable meal this year?

@sailor-freddie-mercury and I went to a nice restaurant called Yamashiro up on a hill above Hollywood blvd. Gorgeous views, great food, great atmosphere, it's kind of expensive but worth it for a splurge.

Send me more End of the Year asks !