#idk if im like this for another year that may just be it for me idk if i can handle another year of just sitting and waiting | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

banesberry-anomoly · 4 months

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Son of Dionysus

#Banesberry art #altoclef.exe #The more you think about it the more it makes sense #dr clef #dr alto clef #scp #scp fanart #scp doctors #scp art #dionysus #child of dionysus #demi god #demigods #pjo #pjo fandom #Am I going to watch the show? Probably not. I already have the books and the physical movies though #(This was spurred on by memories of another fucking timeline guh. Can our brain stop giving us aus when we havent interacted with the media #-in years please and thank you that would be appreciated)#scp au #<technically???????? May make this into my own thing separate from pjo #Hmmmmmmmmm its got me thinking now #Maybe #Idk keep an eye out #Im not gonna get super into the fandom it was just kinda a Thing I did #But who fucking knows #The fucking dress/robe thing was a pain in the ass but I managed it lmao #Feel free to like use as a background #Just reblog and like please skskssk

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iftitah · 11 months

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#this girl was joking about another girl in my batch fasting on karvachauth for her boyfriend and it was the light jokes so it was okay #but then she said why is she doing it her caste is completely different from his her parents would kill her #and that how college relationships are only for time being until you're in college and you're there for each other's support #and that nothing in college couples is that serious and they may turn out just good friends in future #and there's no reason to worship your love because it's just 'casual'??!!#ive so many feelings and a little heartbreak #ive already tried thinking about future but you know it 2ould just spiral me and thinking tha ahead doesn't make sense know #logically speaking she's right that we can go through SO MANY changes during the college years and no one knows anything ahead #but idk like i love him its not just oh im in college and ive got a boyfriend to get my nights busier and go on silly pretend dates #i didn't date anyone for nineteen years because i just wouldn't date anyone #its just surprising me as well how i came here so clueless and how everything led to each other and then into us #and i don't say stuff like marriage and kids because that's too huge. just too huge right now to think off #and that's also a way of keeping myself humble #and i would love love love to think about a future too not just yet it's too quick and im okay understanding everything rather than diving #but what she said. is so um its messing with my brain #ofc im not letting it over weigh me not at least from a person who's with multiple seniors #sends all her money to her so called youtuber bf #and goes to private places with some other guy #who's in everything for casual #but i don't know what im supposed to do with it right now #playing around my head #or maybe i should just trust the process

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cornerihaunt · 7 months

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ok so.

#my best friend came to visit me for a couple of days and idk it felt like a farewell tour of a band that was good 2 years ago #that’s the best i can explain it #maybe she’s the one who outgrew me but the whole 48 hours felt like we were just reminiscing about our uni years together yadda yadda yadda #we’re in completely different points of our lives – she has a steady job a girlfriend new friends and lives in another country #im here in the same town we studied trying to get my degree trying to get over my fear of commitment #idk it’s just sad #im meant to visit her in may but idk. maybe i’ll either talk it out with her or just let it fizzle out #ok now that i’ve let it out im feeling better #idk we were meant to be best friends forever but now i don’t know if i’m meant for that kind of relationship be it romantic or platonic #rambles

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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#sometimes u have a day thats just so. i cant even. its seems 2023 is my year of rage #directionless rage. i guess im mad at me but instead of being directed inward it just goes out into empty space #im just fucking. im at my saturation point #its a good thing i stopped taking measurements yesterday and went to the store tomorrow bc im so fucking #mostly bc i noticed a problem with the code for a paper that is fucking less than a day away from being locked in on acceptance #and now its like fucking i have to go through and change a lot and im also less than 48hrs away from another massive project starting #that will occupy my whole fucking waking nightmare of a life. so its a good thing im level headed. its a good thing i can accept my fuck #ups with honestly. bc im so fucking. ive had it. im up to fucking here with everything and i just want it to be done #im fucking full of bitterness and black bile and i want to break things. and whose fault is it? fucking mine #bc im too fucking exhausted constantly all the time to fucking pay attention to what im doing and notic that a fucking function isnt #working properly. fuck u fuck u fuck u. so what r we gonna do abt it?#idk well see what my boss says. i already texted her that news and its good bc at least i caught it but god its so fucking irritating #god. will i b told off for this? maybe. i probably deserve it. haha if so that will send me for an absolute tailspin. i cannot stand to #feel ive done something wrong. even when i kno i have. last time i had a total freakout meltdown and made v bad choices and that wasnt even #this bad. so its a good thing im currently fairly stable bc the desire to make bad choices is very strong #im just so sick and tired of everything and i want to let things implode bc im vindictive against myself. but we must not do that we must #be reasonable. so idk we may have to withdraw the paper. whatever i dont give a fuck. itll get accepted elsewhere. i dont fucking care #leave me alone to dissolve into the dirt and set my data ablaze to be helpful to no one. erase my Prospective impack. i don't fucking care #anyway today sucked. i might have to stay up all night trying to fix this. ensuring that i fuck up the start of the looming project yayyyyy #i hate it here. i stopped having fun over a year ago #itll b fine. im just fucking. im full im impotent rage #unrelated

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frassycassy · 1 year

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Hey there

Yeah, I'm alive

Just how long has it been??? Hahaha

#cassy talks #can't believe my blog has only had one post for this whole year until now #sorry about that #school is a bitch #i thought that after i was done with my previous school year i'd finally get a break #aha #NOPE!#it's even worse than before #anyway yeah hi im here #i guess i'll try to get my schedules and stuff in check #im still not as into anime as i used to be (especially since i barely have any time to watch anymore and since i still love history)#but i miss you guys and i miss posting here even if no one talks to me #i'll continue delivering the content you guys followed me for 👍#though i do feel like making a sideblog for my history shenanigans and another one for my fandoms that aren't anime related #cuz idk i feel like this blog is a mess of content HAHAHA #oh and i've been obsessed with haikyuu lately so expect more posts of those #especially kenhina cuz i love them separately and together they're adorable #okay im sorry for saying so much it's just really been a while lol #i'll save the rest for another day #if anybody wants to send me asks and/or messages my inbox is always open though i may respond late cuz im always hella busy #see you guys in my next post (which will hopefully come soon)

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axolotluv · 2 years

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I have so much trouble sticking to one fandom and keeping aus going until I finish them-

#ax speaks #i don't know if its adhd or just a me issue #i want to finish my aus so bad but i rarely get past the beginning D:#i know its also an issue of being way too ambitious...#i have no comic making skills so i go 'hey lets make longterm comics that may take years to finish'#or no writing skills so i go 'hey lets make a 15 chapter fanfiction with chapters that are each at least 10k words'#i need to take baby steps but baby steps are so hard and im so impatient ueueueue #but also with fandoms i have issues #like i joined the dca fandom with so many ideas and i was so hyped for a few months and then it all kind of vanish instantly #i no longer have drawing ideas for the dcas and my naptime au is a little lost and i am so jambled #now im obsessed with hfjone and ato but i can't post ato art #and im scared to post hfjone art despite the fact this is my blog and i know its my blog idk why im scared #so i just post oc stuff T-T #ueueueueue #anxietyyyy woowowowowooo #i think another issue with aus is the fact my blog is pretty small and most people don't seem very interested in asking about them #i can post oc stuff because IM interested in them so much like i love them but with aus it's a whole different story #tag rant #vent

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mooodyblue · 2 years

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hi im venting in the tags don't mind me 🙃

#i've been having a decent week and this morning i woke up and it's like my whole brain just switched off like #i barely got out of bed today and my anxiety was so incredibly bad yesterday and today i just felt so miserable and #i think part of it is because of new years and it's freaking me out a little #cause i've been trapped inside of my house ever since i graduated and i'm worried it's not gonna change next year #trapped is a dramatic way of saying it but it's close enough at this point #how am i 24 yet i haven't had a chance to be an adult no license no job nothing #this is why i post and get to requests so fast because i literally sit and browse the internet for pocket change all day #idk if im like this for another year that may just be it for me idk if i can handle another year of just sitting and waiting #i've tried to make things happen i've tried to change everything i've tried to talk to my parents but nothing gets through to them #literally writing is all i have now #idk #im just having a bad night #i could say so much more but idk what the tag limit is #anyway #if u read this .... lord im sorry lol

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noxtivagus · 2 years

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🥺🫶🏼 can i just say i really love my friends sm

#🌙.rambles #not even just my friends just rlly a lot of ppl in my life #do you ever just think about how life was before you meet certain ppl #n how since then maybe you've. had so many special memories n experienced feelings you've never really thought of before #NOT NECESSARILY IN A HFKADSJLF /r way though it's mostly /p okay 😭😭#like say 3 ppl esp this year that i think very well changed my life #this'll be incredibly obvious who i'm talking about but oh well #met one 3rd month of the year n another the 6th month n the other the 3rd to the last month (10th month)#i'm not sure if they know well enough how much they mean to me 🥹 quite possibly wiling to bet that #i love them more than they'll ever know. maybe even in a. wait no i'm not gna continue that last bit but yeah <3 #IM SORRY IM LIKE SENTIMENTAL RN BCS #HLDJFAKDSJF UHH #i usually am the one that likes to give so receiving stuff like gifts n then yk the thought n sentiment behind it all just #IDK it warms my heart so much it really does. so much other stuff too but my mind is so dead rn #^^ ykyk who you are btw w. the gifts hfdalsjfkld I RLLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY #everything about it just makes me happy n arghh there's so much to say but my ability to word is dying rn it sucks !!!! but. 🥹🫶🏼#n then w another online friend there's like. esp ffxiv rn w her hehe WE'RE GNA MAKE THE FC IN A BIT N IT'S HDFLKSDJ #n then w my irls i have sm to say to them But im too shy.. maybe i cld write them in a letter #BUT HERES THE THING IM NATURALLY AFFECTIONATE I DONT WNA WEIRD MY FRIENDS OUT WHO MAY BE #SHY W IT OR SMTH?? 🥹 dilemmas.. i'm rlly just romantic w gifts oh well FUCK IT #hdfkjaldfd my mind is a mess rn wait!!

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a-trying-writer · 2 years

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[[ housemates -- hh fic. please no reblogs, but liking is fine. ]]

Maison could feel Cat’s gentle breathing against his flesh, as she slept peacefully on the meaty mattress. It wasn’t unusual to see her so calm, but it did remind him that he did have a living human -- or rather homunculus -- inside him. Out of all his guests, Cat’s the first to have last this long within him, which does give him a sense pride, but he also had to be thankful for her immortality. It is the reason why she still lives inside him after all.

#short story #hh fic #im slepy. so im going to sleep soon.#i do not know if realtors sleep or not; but im going by the assumption they do sometimes to regain some energy #but ofc eating humans is what keeps them alive.#and it does remind me of another thought that yes eating humans do increase their value -- like how a friend's fic brought it up.#idk if its true though since it feels like realtors dont have a lot of lore behind them atm #and any potential reveal may have to wait until a re-release of hh which may take years.#and atm the creator is busy making stuff so i dont want to bombard them with questions about realtors.#so im just running on assumptions. :think:#but i think house house did say something about how eating increases the ratings soooo~. hm.#thoughts.#i want to squeeze house house like a toy. give me your lore little man.#also i wish there were more art of hh. he is neat character imo. if i could id do it but i find my skills in art lacking.#weh.#and time to sleep.

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hell0mega · 1 month

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i start class tomorrow. weeeee

#only one and not one i was going to take because they deregistered me from the ones i wanted alshfksk #it was entirely my fault but. whatever #this professor seems good and I'll see about maybe doing a half semester course #I'll just have to be much more proactive in the coming year #i want to be. I'm excited to get done. i still have a ways to go but i need to get there #.#i hate school so so much but I'm excited to see if this gets me back on track a bit #i had like. completely forgotten i even took a spring class.#i remembered my fall class. and then i was like. what i had... i did another class? in the spring? 2 months ago? huh?#idk what happened there #consumed by oc thoughts i guess #anyway im slowly getting better. i think. very slowly .#i need to go back to therapy i think. really tell her the deal #like hey i need something more intense. just coming up with systems to try and not work is making things worse #ive done a lot of work just on my own about not feeling guilt and ive been working on acceptance and positive reinforcement #and it's helped a lot #but i may need her to step in and reassess jic #see if there's just anything missing

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yosh-iro · 2 months

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im starting to regret buying shit for my mom to "pay me back" on

#back in may i paid for my brothers suit for grad and like $200 worth of other shit that my mom couldnt pay for at the time #plus $300 cash i lent her #so like $900 just that one month #and it was right after i finally caught up and no longer had basically nothing in my account after my cc bill came around #and shes still yet to pay me back for over $600 of that #so my cc bill just keeps getting bigger and bigger and i cant pay it because she keeps getting me to buy more and more shit #and this month im $400 short of paying my cc bill even after getting $300 in tax returns and another $50 or so in goft money #im pretty sure im not getting a birthday this year too #which is great #i was hoping to be able to spend whatever money i get on some furniture because my room is still entirely packed in boxes #and we moved here a year and a half ago #my mom said i would get the money from selling my old stuff plus another $500 on top of that #PLUS THE $3K I GAVE HER BEFORE WE MOVED IN #PLUS PLUS THE $10K SHE ALREADY OWED ME FROM LIKE 2 YEARS AGO NOW #idk why i trusted her again #im just stupid like that ig #vent post #yoshi talk

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aquaslove · 3 months

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Sometimes i wonder if my mother feels our relationship is strained or its just from my perspective

#lost a lot of respect for my mom bc how she views her relationship with her boyfriend #i think i told her once to leave him n she gave me that ‘idk what im gonna do or where to go’#okay…..i was quite literally a teen #so after YEARS of hearing what hes done or even just me seeing stuff hes done personally #like yes i hate him but girl please leave this man if all youre gonna do is compain about him to me #kinda why i dont tell her shit that may happen is cause i know shes not gonna leave so whats the point of telling her. if i still have to #see him #another thing is why would she bring a homopobic/transphobic/racist man into her life NNOWING i myself am queer/mixed #EWWWWW #is it bad that i look down on my mom for that #i know i have a problem with how i view certain women because of my mom #mommy issues or whatever. but #idk how do i sit down and have a conversation with someone that hurt me n fucked up how i view relationships

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 8 months

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5am and I'm feeling gay and yearning

#does not help that i just finished a cute romance #and im single for the first time in years and years #this is gonns be ny first single valentines fay in fucking five years #wow that's wild. remembering all the people i spent valentines day with #shit. six years. i forgot someone. my first lonely valentines day in six years #this is also the longest ive been single since i started dating #the longest before now was like three months. im now hitting six months #thats wild to think about. ive been almost constantly in a relationship since i had my first bf #and the last three years were with the same person #idk why thats all hitting me now #i have a crush on someone but idk if its because i truly like her #or because im lonely and not used to being alone for this long. yknow? or maybe ive just been reading toi many romances lately #but christ. hitting myself with those stats. i started dating in 2018 #i started dating him in may and we broke up in june. then november 2018 i dated a guy for 8 months. i still miss him but just as a friend #we broke up in july. then i had a weird fwb thing starting in like september or october whoch lasted for a month or so #a few months maybe. idk its hard to define that shit. then in january i had a bf for like two months #and about a month after we broke up i got a gf and we dated for three years. and we just recently broke up #its weird beig single. it's hard. i dont care for it #but i refuse to get into another relationship. or try to. until i know whether i actually like her or im just lonely #hrm this post turned kinda sad. anyway irs 5am and i have a long day ahead of me. i should go to bed

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yelloworangesoda · 8 months

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genuinely like passively suicidal at this point bc i literally dont know why i bother. im not gonna kill myself but like someone deal with me im just dead weight

#im being dramatic but i really feel like theres absolutely 0 out there for me #i dont like the world we live in i… dont want to live in it. i dont think its worth it #every day i do whatever someone told me to do and then i go to bed and wake up and do it tomorrow and im just. not fine with that anymore #im not this depressed and upset during the day but its so bleak that ive considered faking it just for. yknow attention ig idk #but i dont have the time to do that either. i have to hang out with my boyfriend and go to my moms house and help out my grandma #all things that are so stressful to me. no offense babe if you ever read this but i get so stressed trying to do stuff with you bc you #always want me to decide. which like i understand but i never want to. i want to lay in bed idk what to tell you. theres no real solution t #that its fine its just whats true. i dont have any 2 person hobbies bc. idk. ive never actually had friends or something #anyway please god dont read this before your birthday weekend and feel uptight about it. and never do. its fine its fine i promise #this is embarrassing. youre the only one that sees these posts though i think i may as well address them to you outright. i feel like im a #terrible boyfriend bc i dont do anything. im so passive i feel like im just pathetic dead weight and im so scared to have been dating you #for a year bc thats an entire year of your life you couldve been finding someone that doesnt Just love you and want be with you but also is #like. good to be with. i know youd probably be thinking that its not true or something but theres nothing i have done that you havent done #tenfold youre just too good for me. idk #this is so embarrassing i should delete this #simons spouting #another. stupid vent post in the books. i wonder what tomorrow brings us #vent :(#suicide //

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gayjunebug · 1 year

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my day went fucking great, woke up to a fly sitting on my mouth, with horrible caffeine withdrawal (that's what you get for drinking 1,5L of energy drinks the day prior, with no tolerance built whatsoever), drained social battery, two blisters on my soles and sore legs. found out i got scammed for a fucking huge amount of money. got horribly overstimulated. aaand now I stubbed my fuckign toe, and hit my ankle on a chair leg seconds later. also idk if I took my meds today or not, but if I didn't, it's likely contributing to my amazing (/s) day.

#vent/rant #only thing making me at least a teeny tiny bit happier is the fact that im meeting with an old friend of mine tomorrow #I literally am soooo hyped :D #idk why- we will probably just walk around and talk about what happened in our lives during those two years #another lil thing thats making my day slightly better now is that it may be 8pm but ITS FUCKING RAINING :DDDDDD #also another lil thing is that i played everhood today #i love that game sm #but yeah.#day went like shit so im holding onto the little things.

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liinos · 1 year

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It makes me fucking insane how grad programs are like oh did you not go immediately into a masters? Well you better have a good reason why or we might not think you deserve to get one bc you're not committed 🤭 omg you didn't cure cancer or solve world inequality before applying? Don't even look in our direction 🤮 it's so great you want to further your education it would really be a shame if we made it as hard as possible 👉👈

#you read the shit they want and its like okay guess i should kms would that be enough for you😭#also omg i fr need the whole 3 references needed thing explained bc a lot of people do higher education later in life #for one reason or another and i KNOW professors dont remember people past like. a year so 🤨 what then #also sorry sorry but stuff like that grinds my gears bc some of us keep our heads down and mind or business #we dont network and the whole 'you should do it for your future' idea leaves such a bad taste in my mouth bc it feels exploitative #but like sorry i suffer from crippling shyness and speaking to my professors made me feel like i should have been shot 👍#higher education is so fucked bc they make you jump through so many hoops and like. mf i am still paying you for this #do you want money or not???? like a phd program i get but you pay tuition for a masters.........#anyway. i dont think ill end up bothering bc reading requirements today made me almost cry out of frustration so👍👍👍👍#anyone else feel like everyone else is miles ahead of them and that theyre just floundering😁 woefully underprepared and #underqualified for life and suffering the consequences of being terrified to speak to people in college 👍#and also simultaneously numb to and unable to handle rejection 👍#like i could find non college courses just for personal betterment but even thinking about it fills me with hashtag shame #and it doesnt help that no matter what i do if it isnt smth exactly in line with my parents thinking theyre so judgy about it 😔#and i cant even talk to them about how i feel bc one thing about them they will make me feel sooooo much worse when🤣#they never react the way id want or expect them to its kind of hilarious like i dont even WANT to talk to them #it would be equivalent to torture for me quite frankly 👍 idk maybe ill talk through it with my friend #shes at least sort of where im at but shes also like. Doing Shit and Has Plans so.#but i think she gets me a little bit. granted i may cry and i dont really need to do that in front of her #for many reasons 😭😭 i would fr never be able to face her again #anyway. how are your nights going

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