#idk if it affects my state currently. it feels like all i've been doing for the past few years is complain about being tired lol

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[sadbreadcrumb]

the fuck is wrong with me.

[katyspersonal]

I see so many similarities between Messmer and Melina, idk if all of them are intentional but if they were. Could it be a hint of them being twins ? Or even different aspects of the same person like Marika&Radagon, Miq&Trina?

Yeah, I've been wondering about this too, actually! 🤔 They both have their left eye sealed, both have theme of fire, both are Demigod children of Marika that were removed from the contest for the throne, both were given a more specific purpose by Marika herself, both know some secrets no one else in the family does.. And just like you said, it is not an outlandish concept for a Demigod to have two alters! Melina is willing to help whatever worthy Tarnished to advance, whereas Messmer, from what we can conclude, mocks the very idea. The contradiction between their motivations is not dissimilar to how Marika and Radagon are in the conflict between each other! @swallowtail-ageha also suggested the idea that they could be two alters of the same person!

fdsjhfdshdgsdf OKAY OKAY SO

PERSONALLY I do not subscribe to this idea yet, as I believe that Messmer became banished (?), if not erased from the memory of the family, even before Malenia and Miquella were born! I shared more of my current thoughts on Messmer in this ( x ) post, but in short, for me it seems like Messmer knew more about Marika's secrets than any other Demigod.. He was doing her most secret biddings. So, Miquella searching for the secrets of his mother brings a question, how came he never got any hunch from the guy?

( x )

Melina states that she "knew previous owner of Torrent", which was Miquella! But I think that she was even closer than just this! Some time ago I wrote my own theory post ( x ) on what Malenia's Rot spawn exactly are and concluded that they represent relationships she's been forgetting according to the very interesting weapons choices! So, Finlay, her teacher, Godwyn and... well, Melina. Melina and the twins were close, and she was left with the purpose to one day help to burn the entrance for the 'worthy' one, which originally were supposed to be one of the Demigods! This makes me assume that Miquella would've known.

And another bit that makes me go 🤔 is that Melina states that she is "burnt and bodiless"; whereas the cases of separated 'body' and 'astral projection' is known not just in Demigods but even in simple people (like Sellen and Dung Eater), and there are cases of splitting body of the same person (two Godwyns), so far I haven't seen the soul split? When Melina burns herself, she burns that 'astral projection' as she no longer has her real body, it is a complete annihilation, true death without any compromise or backtrack.

Not only her sacrifice would have questionable value if her 'other self' was still alive somewhere, but also.. do you really annihilate your soul if that's only a part of your soul? How does the 'split' between Demigods work? I do not think that you can kill one alter without killing another, even as a 'superior' being! I am sure Marika would love to destroy Radagon, but since she despised him and he was the "lesser" one yet he existed, I feel like she... could not? Without destroying herself as well? These are her words, "Let us both be scattered"; so, when she corrupted herself by scattering the Elden Ring, Radagon could not have avoided the same fate! Since Miyazaki confirms that player's progress in the main game would have no bearing on the DLC story, I assume it means that letting Melina burn would not affect Messmer in any form; thus, they're not the same person!

______________________________

Again, this is just what I think so far, and I am open for the actual DLC to completely prove me wrong! I do not have any solid counter-evidence against the theory that Melina and Messmer could've been twins; for all we know, Messmer could've simply been very secretive. I am just settled on the idea that they're less likely to be the two sides of the same Demigod!

[midoribai]

addressing this blog

hi! so.. i'm gonna try and be as honest as i can with this post. i'm gonna address some questions (that no one has asked but i feel are necessary to talk about) because i kind of just don't want to lie anymore lol

Q: first off, why has this blog been so inactive?:

A: er. a couple reasons. recently, my mental health has been going through a lot of ups and downs, along with the fact i've been trying to focus on things irl like friends, grades, etc. most of the time i just don't.. have time to write or do stuff for this blog. i wish i could, i promise. i'm just dealing with my own issues daily.

the second reason is. well. few people are interested in this anymore. few of us still even have interest in midori. i mean, maybe we do. just not as much as before. its okay, things change over the course of 6-7 ish months. i understand that and i'm not going to try to push it anymore

Q: what do i plan to do with this blog?

A: okay. i'm gonna be as honest as i can with this. i have no fucking clue. i've been thinking about like final bit of lore posts and just simple goodbye posts for a while. i've also been thinking about just completely resetting and completely disregarding the lore and starting over. as tempting as this is, others and i have (probably) poured a lot of time into thinking about and writing our characters' lore and wouldn't be the happiest to just throw it all away. idk. you tell me what you think.

i've also been thinking really hard about just making a new ask blog. or just repurposing this one. not sure yet, i want some other people's opinion first. i just want to start a new ask/rp blog. preferably with a different character. mostly because my y/ttd hpfx has been. non existant. haha..

Q: anything else i want to talk about?

A: this isn't really a question, i know. i just wanted an excuse to yap some more.

so.. mostly, i'd like to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry i dragged all of you along. i was. kind of selfish throughout this entire thing. maybe you guys don't feel this way, but i feel like i've been really controlling in the rp. or just like i spoke over everyone else. and that i haven't been making time for everyone. i'm sorry. i have personal issues that i shouldn't have let affect the rp/everyone else. i hope you forgive me

Q: final thoughts?

A: for now, this post is all i have to say. obviously if you have more questions, then please ask. my inbox has been empty for a very long while.

along with the apology above, i'd also like to thank you all!! i'm so happy you all stuck with me for so long. honestly, i've been.. really uncomfortable with this blog. by that i mean it's just been really stressful to think about what i'm going to do with it. i don't want to throw away the thing i love, the thing that brought me out of a bad mental state. but it can't last forever, i know.

anyway! i'm also kinda curious about something. if i were to make a new ask or rp blog would you guys be interested...

currently these are my ideas: pkmn!shin au ask blog, takeshi (my y/ttd oc) ask blog, h/xh related ask blog, angel (midoribai oc) rp blog, and sunny (midoribai god oc).

i might make a poll with these options if you guys really are interest in any of these.

that's really all i have to say. thank you everyone, ily <3

[chickalupe]

Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background

[shiniganja]

Hey I feel absolutely terrible for having to do this but I've been on the phone with every public assistance available just to be told that we don't qualify so this is kinda my only choice.

Our electric got cut off yesterday, without any warning, and now we have to pay 2076 to get it turned back on. We did the math and with all of us working it should take about 4-5 weeks for us to come up with the money- but that's 4-5 weeks without electric, which includes our fridge not working and no hot water. We're currently huddling in the dark collecting candles, using our phones as a light source, and walking down to the sheetz and laundry room to charge our devices; which I don't think is any way someone should live. To make matters worse this whole thing is drastically [negatively] affecting my mental state and not making me feel very good about myself. If anyone would be willing to help it would be really appreciated. My pay p@l is shiniganja @ gmail . com (never made a post like this but I think u have to stylize it for the algorithm or something idk) and my ca$h app is Shinisabbath

here's a picture of Kokichi for uhhh Kokichi

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy. I dont have a question about Jikook. but i have a personal question. i broke up with my ex 2 yrs(6yrs relatioship) ago and was quite confident that i can move forward now, also started to date a bit but only now started to get a bit more serious with this person i have known for some time. now suddenly i cant stop thinking about my ex and seems like a never rlly moved on. everyone told me it will get better but idk how. can someone truly ever move on from a long and srious relationship

Because you said it's personal, I decided I'd keep you anonymous to protect your privacy ❤ 💙 💜 💖

Sorry you dealing with this. I know the feeling quite well and it sucks. Especially if it gets in your way of being present to enjoy and build anything meaningful and epic with your current partner.

What you are experiencing is very normal if you ask me. True love never dies. As long as these feelings are not affecting your quality of life or the way you give and recieve love in your current relationship I think it's okay.

I also think it's a sign you buried your feelings rather than heal or get closure from it. And there might be something triggering these buried emotions within you that you might want to look into and address.

When you are forced to end a relationship that meant so much to you, a relationship you were not really ready to let go of, you end up burying those feelings and forcing your way out of it.

If you felt like you lost an ideal perfect match when the relationship ended then its possible you are still grappling with that sense of loss buried deep inside you too.

Sometimes it's easy to bury things so we can physically move on with our lives.

But like all buried things, the soil erodes over time, the rivers dry up, the earth quakes out of no where, someone goes digging and eventually they will resurface.

We all have something buried inside us. It will come out eventually.

Personally, there are three people in my past that I've buried bcos I felt they would have been my ideal partner with whom I could do forever with- three and my current partner is one of them.

I bemoan those other relationships from time to time and whenever I break up with my gf I feel the same way about her too. Like if I let this person slip out of my hands, I would be settling if I got with any other person. And if in a 100 years any of these three characters should come back, I'll take them back in a heart beat.

I don't know much about you, but I'd say some times our attachment to past relationships have nothing to do with the person we were attached to but more to do with our attachment to the person we were when we were with that person.

What makes past love epic and a relationship epic is not just that one single individual that waltzed into your life but a combination of several other factors such as the state of your mind at the time, your emotional health at the time- ie the trauma and wounds that attracted that person you were with- how young and reckless and youthful you felt when you were with them. A myriad of factors really including but not limited to your financial status and your world view about love and romance.

But when you grow, and you heal and you mature, and are no longer bound to another through shared trauma, love can feel very different- I mean blunt and boring even.

I'd say, examine your thoughts and feelings to see what exactly it is about your past relationship that keeps you tethered still. Is it them you miss per se or the person you were when you were with them?

If it's them then 😕

So sorry love😔

If not, then you might just be unsatisfied with the relationship dynamics in your current relationship because you miss the old you. I'd recommend trying to loosen up, have more fun, recreate certain moments you enjoyed in the past etc.

When you feel different, you love different. So ask yourself, if you have grown and changed at all these two years, will your ex partner be able to embrace the person you are now? Will they love the you you are now? And will you love them too if they've changed so much from the person you knew or will you even keep loving them if they haven't changed at all all these years?

Like those two other persons I lament over from time to time, like if they knew how much my world view has changed, how my political views have shifted, how I no longer subscribe to Christianity and have been divesting from it then they wouldn't want me at all and a relationship with them wouldn't last because it is chuch that brought us together.

And if I find out they have equally changed from the person I knew them to be then frankly I wouldn't even want them- but my heart don't know that yet so I let her fantasize away. Lmho.

And if any of this is true for you, then you might want to re-evaluate your need for romantic attachment. Some people just want romance and don't care at all who they do it with.

Much like how most straight men just want sex and domestic help around the house so they settle for any girl willing to provide these and won't hesitate to leave you and replace you if you no longer fulfill these needs. They are not attached to you. They are attached to what you can do for them. They want their mothers but a younger version of her they can fuck. Good luck out there ladies. Couldn't be me.

But some people are attached to people and not just because of how those people make them feel. Those relationships are hard to move on from because that kind of love never goes away.

If that's the case with you, I'd say it's okay to love them still. They were not props in your life but evidence of your humanity and capacity to love unconditionally. Let them be a reminder of the good in you and use that as motivation to go all out for your current partner if you love them also.

Just think of your heart as a very sentimental friend who has no clue what reality is and just wants to feel good. Don't dismiss her. Just acknowledge her from time to time and tell her she will be fine. She just has a lot of unfinished business buried inside her. But if it makes her feel any better, she will feel the same way about your current partner if yall lose them too 😆

And don't buy into the lies of monogamy.

Monogamy is a myth. We are capable of loving more than one person at the same time. If not we wouldn't be able to love our kids, and siblings and parents and our pets all at once.

We have elastic hearts. You can love any body but try to commit to one if commiting to several others gives you headaches. That's where monogamy comes in.

Committing to one person is a choice we make. And because we have elastic hearts, know that it's okay to love your current partner, your ex, your other ex, your pet, your old chevy, or that old couch.

Just because you get new ones don't take the sentiments and value you enjoyed from the old ones away or make them invalid.

Love ought to be celebrated whether it's in past relationships, present or future ones. That's the only way we get to move on from it.

I love my partner and I'll always love her whether we are together in the future or not. And while I don't always feel like it, I believe I'm capable of loving other people besides her too (not that I want to💀) And perhaps one day, I'll meet someone equally amazing and if we are not together then, then I give myself permission to love again and I'll love with my whole chest because I'm a romantic.

I think you are a good person. Give yourself permission to love again without feeling you have to pressure yourself to move on from the past. Six years is a long time to move on in two. These chapters were well written, but eventually they become memories; you lived, you loved, you did, you were here and that dull ache in your chest is a reminder not a hindrance. It's your own invisible tattoo on your heart.

Just focus on making this current love epic. Blow your partners mind away. Let them feel all the highs that's gonna leave them with a dull ache too if they should choose walk away 😈

And enjoy yourself. Enjoy the romance so you don't have any regrets too. Life is not supposed to be perfect, but it's full of perfect epic moments that punctuates it from time to time.

But if you feel honestly that you can't bring yourself to love another the way you loved your ex then don't. Don't go through another relationship numb.

I can't see myself with anyone apart from the person I'm with now- even though we are on and of and currently off. She is a grown woman with the emotional maturity of a toddler. My insecurities pale in comparison to hers but I like her 🙈

So even if we broke up for good, that would be it for me. I'm packing my cat and chicken and moving back to my parents house. Love can come and find me there. I'm done chasing it.

Try to fix things, always try before you let go and if they've moved on- or if leaving was your decision- then give yourself time to heal even within this current relationship. Your emotional health is very important. Take all the time you need.

I guess the answer to your question is yes and no. Yes because you can love again and build something meaningful with another person. And it's not going to be the same as your past loves but epic in its own right. Epic nonetheless.

No because it's always going to be part of your experiences of life, your memories, and your story.

Be kind to yourself 💜

[kindafooey]

Also. While I'm drunk & in touch with myself and my feelings or whatever I just wanted to say. That i'm sorry for the state this blog has been in for the past idk year and a half or something. I've had trouble admitting to myself that there's no going back to the golden era of the GF fandom and that there's nothing I can do about it and like. It's literally been years since this blog even was a proper Gravity Falls-themed space and I just don't really like. Have an identity as a blogger outside that thematic sphere and like. Also being severely depressed does affect things and all that. The past year has been absolutely horrible and I hate my current job and I'm desperately looking for a way out if my current life situation. And I feel bad because my Tumblr blog is still pretty much my only outlet where I can be perceived as myself and it's just been a huge mess for the longest time and despite everything I still love this website for real. And I'm so happy to see some of yall still posting after all these years and I'm definitely not leaving either I just need to like. Figure out a new blogger identity and stuff but!!!! I'm really happy to still be here and it's going to be okay.

[im-invisible-erased]

So my FP and best friend recently talked to me how I focus too much on relationships that lead to like dating or similar. And how dating is actually overrated and expensive and time consuming. Which all makes sense. It does but.... Sometimes I can't help but think that because our relationship is a mix of mostly dynamic and friendship and has been for over four years that perhaps I've just been brainwashed to believe that the love I do receive isn't as good because of how society thinks.

Like if I was ever to explain my relationship with this particular person it would always just be as my best friend. Even though that holds a lot of value it doesn't always... Mean enough.

It's hard to explain. Like idk... It's probably just the fear of abandonment... Insecurity of any relationship suddenly disappearing on me etc. Even though I don't think at this point she ever would.

It's just hard to deal with always being physically alone isolated and thinking that all these words on my screen are just a delusion that someone else programed into the matrix to keep me from suicide. I just want to meet in person one time to prove it's not a trick... But I feel like it's never going to happen. Like I moved to this state just to have the chance to visit "easier" and yet after a year here still can't even get a city name.

Like I have other close friends and people that I care somewhat about but it's not nearly as intense as with my FP and if/when FP leaves my life and my cats die of old age... If I'm still just living paycheck to paycheck in life. I think I will just buy a rifle. Because currently these are the last three things that have kept me off the edge of attempting more OD, more deep cuts to the point of terrible infections etc. But I just don't see a future where I don't end up taking my own life alone in some remote place eventually.

I receive love and affection, I just think due to how neglected and abandoned that the disconnect from the internet and the physical world with these things weighs heavy. Like yes I can receive lots of thoughts of hugs or cuddles or affection etc but without some of it being in person it's like my brain can only go so far with it?

Maybe it's just the past tainting the online aspect. People saying one thing and doing the opposite in person. Time and time again. That it isn't enough for me anymore? But because that's all I have I deal with it since that's all I have and all I can ever seem to maintain long term.

I'm not saying LDR is bad, I'm just saying like everyone says it's hard. And I struggle to deal with the fact that "this is the best you've had and will ever get so deal with it"

I get like 1-4 hugs a year (mainly from my immediate family) irl... Its probably not too much to say that I'm touch starved.

And it just cycles back to childhood were it was nothing but neglect.

-sigh- I wish life was less complicated.

[chaoticbitchywitch]

I have a lot going on and I really jus need to organize my thoughts. If you read this and have any advice I'd love to hear it 🥰

Issue One: My Grades

My grades are pretty important to me, but I missed a lot of school all in a row bc of TSA and Robotics. I currently have 4 C's, 1 B, and 3 A's but I want to at the v least have all A's and B's. I have a two options.

1. Focus on my lowest grades and jus accept B's so I don't kill my mental health

2. Kill my mental health (more) and try to get as many all the way up to A's.

But wait! There's more!

Issue Two: My Activities

I'm in robotics, TSA (Technology Student Association) and band.

My band director is leaving. Tomorrow is the teacher appreciation assembly and some of the band is playing a piece for her, but I was planning on doing homework instead of going to the assembly. I can either go to the library or go to the assembly. I don't wanna go to the assembly but I wanna play for my director bc she means a lot to me. I might be able to leave after but idk fs.

In robotics, we're preparing for next season and the state comp that we're hosting. There's really not much going on there rn at least, but the season jus finished.

In TSA, I made nationals in two events so I have that in June. I need to prepare for the events, but it's kinda stressful.

Band is the biggest activity rn obviously, but the others are still important. And I have all my homework and studying for tests still. And that brings be to my third issue.

Issue Three: Tests, Exams and Finals

I'm in AP US History, and that exam is 10 May, but I don't feel prepared at all. I have Algebra II, Chemistry and ELA EoC's that I have to study for. I have finals in Principles of Engineering, Civil Engineering and Architecture and Spanish. Both language courses are the most difficult for me, but I also have higher priorities (the more impactful ones like the AP exam, etc) that I would rather focus on. I don't have time to study for everything.

Issue Four: Family Bullshit

Since Feb, there's been some issues w my dad. I'm not gonna go into a lot of detail but I've been at my grandparents house. It's been really difficult mentally, emotionally and physically. It's been affecting my grades a lot and I haven't been able to sleep.

Issue Five: Summer

I've been wanting to apply to a new job so I get paid $14 or $15 rather than $12.80 but my mom is v against me working there bc it's farther away than where I currently work, it would be way more enjoyable. A few of my friends work there and the pay is better, so idrc that it's 15 minutes farther or sum like that. I also don't like the people I currently work w and there's a lot of drama (drugs at work (I'm a life guard why are you high at work thats actually fucking stupid), relationships and sex and cheating (as you'd expect from a job filled w high schoolers), people not doing their job, etc.) I jus think it would be a better work environment.

The other problem is summer school. I'm gonna be doing pre calc over the summer bc I wanna take calc next year so I can take higher level physics my senior year. One of my friends also did that last summer and he said it was hell and moved really fast, so I'm kinda worried abt that. He also said it wouldn't leave a whole lot of time for other things, which I believe. Idk I'm jus stressed abt it.

So yeahhhh. I've been having a lot of fun recently. I'm hella stressed and idk what to do. Yayyy. Love my life.

Anyway, if you're still here, thank you for reading. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it 🥰🥰

[purplesurveys]

1785

Do you know a James? I have a second cousin named James! He lives in New Zealand, though, and only visits home every few years. I first met him when he was a few weeks old, then the next time he was already like 10. I haven't seen him again since and I'm guessing he'll be in college or whatever the third time they come back to the Philippines.

Have you ever been to Australia? If not, would you like to? I haven't and I'd love to, but tbh it's also not really at the top of my list. I'm not really sure what I'd want to see/experience there.

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I have one or two hanging out in my head lol.

If you had to choose to have a different accent than the one you have now, what accent would you choose and why? Idk, I'm fine with the accent I have.

New York or California? New York, easily.

Have you ever or do you currently live in a Gated Community? I do and always have.

Who was your last text from? An incredibly late automated OTP that I don't even need anymore.

Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes, I owned one as a teenager. Tumblr made photography this super hip hipster thing in the early 2010s lol and it made me beg my dad to get me a DSLR camera, even though I didn't have a clue how to use one. Long story short I found photography boring and I ultimately passed the camera to my sister, who ended up as the one into arts.

If you had to choose one instrument to perfect, what instrument would you choose? Piano.

Have you ever owned an Axolotl? Nope.

What has been the longest amount of time you’ve spent on a plane? Bali was around 4 hours. As much as I'd love to travel the rest of the world, those 20+ hour flights PLUS LAYOVERS sound dreadful.

How often do you use Snapchat? Whoa. I haven't used Snapchat since college, around 2017ish. I remember Angela and I trying to bring it back when the pandemic had *just* started but it didn't catch on.

What does your last text say? It's just an automated message that sent me an OTP.

Have you ever played Habbo? I saw the ads like a million times but never played it.

What about Runescape? Nope.

Have you ever heard of the band Mumford & Sons? If yes, do you like their music? I have, but I've never heard anything of theirs.

Have you ever kissed anyone starting with the letter A, C, N, T or K? No.

Have you ever used Valium before? I have not.

What time is it where you’re from? 11:39 PM.

Have you ever adopted an animal from an animal shelter? Yes, Arlee was from PAWS.

Where do you usually find Surveys from? On my dash. I used to look for surveys on Bzoink, but there was a period this year where I couldn't take surveys for a couple of weeks and by the time I came back there were tons of new, interesting ones on my dash. Ever since then I've always just been playing catch-up on my feed and I haven't opened Bzoink in months now.

Australia or New Zealand? Tbh I'd rather save the money lolol I honestly don't know which one to pick and I don't find either worth the visa hassle. I guess if anything uh New Zealand? then go to the spots BTS visited from Bon Voyage hah.

Have you ever missed a flight? Never.

What is your best friend’s middle name? I'm not sharing that.

How do you feel about the passing of Aretha Franklin? I was shocked, but it didn't affect me heavily.

Did you enjoy any of her music? Can't say I was a passionate fan of her music. It's just not something I was regularly exposed to so I've been largely unfamiliar for the most part.

What is your favourite film from your childhood? Toy Story and it's still my favorite kids' movie.

Kanye West or Drake? If we're doing brutal honesty I'd go with Kanye but all the shit he's said and done equally cancels him out, so I'll go with Drake by default lol.

Do you know anyone who is named after a state? I used to work with a girl named Jersey, if that counts.

What was the reason for your previous doctor’s visit? Shots for a dog bite.

Have you ever been to an outdoor cinema? Nope. Too hot and too many flies LOL.

Have you ever had a “bad trip”? If yes, what happened? Idk if this even counts as one because I blacked out so quickly it was almost embarrassing, but what happened was I took a big puff of that cannabis vape thing after already having downed a ton of alcohol and the next thing I knew I was on my knees in the restroom and then finally carried back to my bed.

How often do you use Instagram? Everyday. I post at least one story a day; my in-feed posts are few and far between though and I only do posts if something super significant happens.

Have you ever smoked a cigarette? Yeah, a few times. It's not something I look for and I haven't done it since before the pandemic.

If so, do you still smoke? Nopes.

What are you up to tomorrow? It's my last working day before our office closes down for the holidays so while I'll be at work I'll be in a pretty damn jolly mood hahaha.

What type of questions do you like being asked during a survey? I like random questions that require more thought. It can be boring encountering what-color-is-your-blahblah all the time, and it also turns me away if questions are too hypothetical/philosophical.

Adam Sandler or Jim Carrey? Adam Sandler.

What is your favourite Ben Stiller movie? I don't have one.

What is your favourite Spotify playlist if you have one? I made a playlist called 'it's raining purple' which are essentially BTS tracks I think are perfect for when it's raining and I open my windows to let the colder air in.

Outside of playlists I've made, I have two favorites – one called 'the tannies love you' which compiles all of BTS' fan songs; and 'standing next to you' which is an SNTY-focused playlist mixed in with a bunch of Michael Jackson songs.

Firefox or Chrome? Chrome.

Do you enjoy learning about conspiracy theories? They're fun to read, yeah! You don't have to believe them; they're just stories to spice up what we already know hahaha. I was obsessed with the Avril Lavigne doppelganger case for a time.

If so, what is your favourite? ^ Oh, well that one.

Do you find hand tattoos attractive on your preferred sex? Depends on the tattoo design/style.

If you had a baby boy, what would you name him? I've always been indecisive about a main name, but I'd love for their second name to be Owen after Owen Hart.

What is your favourite Netflix original series? Is Black Mirror considered one? Let's go with that.

Have you ever owned a Tamagotchi? No, too expensive. I had bootleg ones which were just as fun :)

Do you have a favourite “survey blog” on Tumblr? If so, who? I like everyone! :) Would you rather be 10 minutes late or 20 minutes early? Depends on the situation. If it's a super super super big event with like 1,000 people and my presence doesn't matter, I'd honestly much rather be late. Otherwise I'm always early.

If you could be a member of any TV-Sitcom family, which would it be? Perfect Strangers. Would love to finally be fluent in Myposian.

Tell me about the 6th person in your contact list: College orgmate and ultimately became part of the same friend group in college. Haven't seen her in years. Terrific writer, loves cats, unfortunately shares the exact same music taste as my ex so I always shudder when she shares her song recos. Has curly hair, lives in the south, remains to be one of the few people genuinely interested in journalism and I respect her for that. Great sense of style. I miss Blanch!

Are you waiting for a text back right now? Nope.

Would you rather be able to control fire or water? Water.

[honey-on-your-tongue]

alright so….

i’m in a great relationship with my partner right now BUT there’s this guy from my hometown who’s been my best friend for 5/6 years. early on while we were friends we hooked up but it never really affected the friendship

lately i’ve just been catching myself leaning more into my friend (we’ll call him bob) rather than my boyfriend

me and bob don’t live in the same state so there’s nothing weird going on. i love my boyfriend so much and he’s lovely, kind, sweet, i just have started questioning whether i want to be with him long term.

HERES where it gets complicated:

i found out a few weeks ago that my friend “bob” was in love with me for the first 3 years of our friendship and he might still be. idk what to make of this and i don’t wanna leave my boyfriend but i just feel…. different now. i had feelings for “bob” too for a while (but i blew it off as a high school crush) and he’s been my best friend through so much traumatic stuff. the main thing that’s confusing me is that “bob” and i share such a deep connection that i feel like i can’t form with my current boyfriend. but i love my boyfriend. so HELP???

also there’s so much more to the story but i don’t wanna dump it all in your inbox. love u thanks for replying!!

Ngl to you bby, I've never been in a serious relationship soooo I wouldn't rlly know what to do. BUT I'd suggest maybe talking to Bob??? Yk it may be that you had a crush on him and he had one on you and finding out has like ignited that feeling inside of you again??? I'm not sure if you get it I feel like I'm talking shit. Butttt you could maybe try it??? See if by clearing the air you and bob finally lose feelings for each other and you can move on? Or maybe you realize you're actually in love with each other and you get together.

What do the people say???

Also, don't worry ab spamming my inbox!! I hope I was helpful!!

With you the best of luck, love!!

[badbrainblurbs]

i think the current look at pds esp as rep by the dsm5 is rather wonky i think icd-11 is better but needs more depth and explanation to an extent but anyways th general consensus seems to be that bpd and schizoid are not comorbid™ and are opposites which is interesting bc bpd n avpd are comorbid n avpd n schizoid are comorbid so like lol? but i meet min. criteria for all but i feel like my the schizoid traits can be explained away by introversion and the avoidant by social anxiety. i feel like I've always preferred being alone and have little interest in forming friends usually nor do i really understand like why or how n why or how others are interested in interactions. I've had flat or blunted affect and dont really display emotions since a kid yet in certain settings depending on comfort level i do or am able to so i think the flat affect is to a certain level masking tho not always and when it's masking i think it cld be linked to the avpd and anxiety bc im scared of being awkward and judged. im fine being alone bc i feel most comfy n don't hv to deal with outside pressure i can just be myself yet the bpd traits kick in where im not sure who that self is so like yh im alone n it feels good but who am i do i even really like being alone idk. when im arnd others sometimes i become painfully aware of my aloneness and ostracization and i wish i cld connect with ppl but i always resort to thinking but no one wld want to interact with me anyways and also u hv nothing to talk abt ur so boring n yk general avpd perceived incompetencies narrative. there's also the bpd fears of ppl leaving but also of becoming attached which is embarrassing and stressful being in tht so involved state of mind caring so much the instability based on the person's interactions with me the splitting im also more of a quiet bpd which i think may link to the shizoid flat effect so the bpd inner turmoil drives me crazy bc no one understands that all of that is going on inside while i try to maintain being normal with the other person. im extremely sensitive since a kid n have rapid short lived mood n emotional changes but again most of that is internal. my most push pull fear of abandonment bpd traits occur when i let someone in ive actually nvr made a friend myself im always been befriend but yh if someone continues to show repeated interest eventually the distrust minimizes enough and they pass the avpd im sure i will be liked requirement n i let them in n soon the bpd attachment patterns kick in. i sometimes also idealise familiar strangers creating a narrative of them in my head sometimes wishing i cld actually speak to them or not but rarely ever doing so and when i hv the idealisation breaks n turns to devaluation bc they are ofc nothing like the months worth of characterization ive made abt them in my head. dissociation is also a problem for me which is schizoid n bpd overlap in particular. once im not in an attachment n in an isolated state with no friends or frequent connections the schizoid mindset dominates so i wonder if it isn't to an extent developed to combat the avpd n bpd longing for connection by putting up a front. the bpd ppl related symptoms also ease since the trigger ppl is missing but if i do have to interact with ppl like in school the avpd traits are strong. just in personal experience i do think they can also coexist unless i am misunderstanding something

[limelocked]

Hello! Lately I've seen some people post critical posts about certain dsmp characters in their main tags, and it annoys me so much! I've seen one in Technoblade's tag and it annoyed me so much. I think it was about how awful he is because he sided with Dream, when Tommy betrayed him. From my own experience, I think that c!Techno shouldn't care about c!Tommy? Like, it is not good. I remember when a person really close to me kind of betrayed me? They were also really toxic and didn't affect me well. I remember being devastated and still caring about this person which led me to a bad mental state. In my opinion, c!Techno cared about Tommy (he gave him the Axe Of Peace after all) and I think their next confrontanion will be very intresting, because I don't think c!Techno got over it completely. It might be me just projecting on his character tho xD What do you think? Dang I really changed topics xD Sorry for rambling and have a nice day!

from a realism perspective techno still holding onto that betrayal and acting on it the next time he and tommy interacts in canon would be real good i feel, specially since technos current trust issues are caused almost exclusively by tommy and wilbur (tho he doesnt seem to blame wilbur much for it)

from a narrative perspective tho i think itd have to be done well because the “im a person” speech was such a good culmination of those feelings of betrayal though yeah like you said idk why anyone ever thought that techno would or should give a shit about tommy or his death after what he did, catharsis of blowing a country up Does Not just erase the hurt caused by that betrayal 

and the thing about him teaming with dream is either metagaming or not looking at technos pov because tommy is 2 for 2 on betraying him, dream might not be his friend but at least he hasnt betrayed him, plus dream offered help right after the betrayal, dream has actually given techno a Lot of stuff and generally been very nice to him so them teaming together when techno doesnt know all the details of exile is very understandable

[holywankenobi]

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG. 

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

[eroaneki]

I always found it really fucking odd how Joe's bday is June 14th and Ryan's is June 15th. The two biggest guys to ever be involved in my life have birthdays a day apart from one another.

I still think about Ryan from time to time. Idk why because I'm 99% convinced at this point I meant little to nothing to him. Or maybe I did mean something and he just always knew I was on a much better path than he was and did me a favor by being a complete ass to me so I'd eventually hate him. He was the first guy I ever cared to try and figure out. Idk if it's true but the second night I ever spoke to him he told me how his dad died and had said "I've known people for literal years and have never told anyone that."

A large part of me makes me wanna believe it's BS. I have an actual feeling it is. He was the kind of person who was so desperate for love and affection that he threw it at anyone who'd offer it to him even if it meant sacrificing himself and whatever current relationship he had at the time. He was horrified of being left and replaced, so he'd do it before anyone had a chance to do it to him. He constantly betrayed everyone he considered dear to him before they had an opportunity to do it to him. He lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety and covered it up by being smooth talking and flirting his way out of situations. He was so interesting. I'd never met anyone quite like him. Aside from his catastrophic love life, he wasn't that bad of a person. We actually got along personality wise, but he had no idea how to treat another person romantically. He did assault me (technically sexually) and basically kept me fucking hidden the couple times I went to visit him, but I don't hate him for it at all. If anything I pity him, because he had a near identical fucked up father-figure situation.

I remember talking to him over the summers when we were kids and listening to him vent about his shitty stepdad being an abusive asshole to him. Supposedly his stepdad ran a lumber yard and Ryan would work there over the summers when school would let out. There was one night he was super frustrated by something that had happened and was talking about taking a shovel and bashing his stepdad to death with it as a way to escape his influence. I empathized because that was the peak of my father's abuse.

But Ryan was incredibly controlling and insecure. He almost bricked my phone because I wouldn't let him search through it to see if I was talking to other guys. He never proposed to me, but on more than a few occasions he'd move in and propose to girls as a means of assuring they'd never leave him. He also fucked with reproduction; hated condoms and I remember him telling me I wouldn't need plan b because he drank so much Mountain dew his sperm wouldn't be viable. He did take me to the store to get it though despite that.

He had so many problems and in a way I felt like I had to fix him. I blame that on being young and naive and not knowing any better, but my entire 7ish year interaction/relations with him taught me so much about respecting myself in love and never letting someone blindsided me ever again.

I'm often incredibly cold and distant to Joe due to this, but he's so used to me being "alone" he usually doesn't say anything about it. Lately he's been more vocal because he's pushing for us to get serious about saving up money together and moving out together within the next 1-2 years. He wants to open a bank account with me and such. And it's so... Foreign to me that someone wants to do that with me? I was usually always pushing to be closer to someone and not having it be reciprocated. For someone to actually want to do that is a bit overwhelming.

I don't wish Ryan bad. I kind of wonder what he's up to. Last I heard he moved to Florida and his grandpa wasn't doing too well. He loved his grandpa dearly; his grandfather was more like a father to him. I hope he's okay. Last I spoke to him I told him to lose my number and block me on everything as I would do the same. He got pissy that I got with Joe and wrote this passive aggressive text post about people using him as stepping stones in their lives. He didn't mention anyone exclusively but he mentioned one person motivating him to be a better person, which is one thing he'd always told me I did for him and I do still believe he was telling the truth in that. Supposedly one reason he went back to school was because of me. I mean a large part was for himself and his future, but I remember having a few conversations with him about college and what he might want to go back for. He'd also keep me updated on when he filled out applications and the schools he'd been accepted to, when he started, how his classes were, etc.

He lived and acted entirely out of fear of being hurt by those he cared about, because he cared way too much about everyone. He let everyone into his heart and let them in way too close and would suffocate the fuck out of it with abusive, manipulative, controlling behavior out of fear. I hope he's grown out of that by now. And I hope he's happy wherever he is, whatever it is he's doing.

I forgive him for all he's done, because he was fucked up. Did he hurt me, yes, multiple times. But he was young and fucked up and hardly knew himself. I hardly knew myself, too. So, I forgive him, and I wish him the best. I've struggled with shame regarding that entire aspect of my life, but I think I can finally get proper closure.