#idk if it's maybe just a me thing but I very very often scroll through my own posts bc that's what I wanna go back to

[heartbeetz]

Thoughts.

I love my selfship bubble actually. One, I have low spoons 95% of the time, so I simply don't have it in me to be more active in reaching out. Two, I'm overall a very introverted person. Interacting (both doing and receiving) can be really draining and it's not something I care that much about. Even irl there's like one friend I keep up with, and we literally live together now and Still don't interact daily! Don't need much else to be content. I created this blog back in late 2019 as more of a journal than something meant for a community. And I'm fine leaving it that way. Yeah, sometimes I'd like to reach out more than I do (and of course it's nice when people reach out to me), but I don't think it's "selfish" of me to wanna do my own thing lol

[nmakii]

‘Can I ask you to do something about Alastor×reader? About y/n being a modern girl (2023-2024), and she often has strange gestures or words towards Alastor. One time she talked to him in modern language, making him confused and very curious. (You can expand the situation as you like, sorry my English is not very good)’

NEW IS ALWAYS BETTER!

— alastor x modern!reader (platonic or romantic!)

— alastor calls reader “good girl” so mostly fem!coded

— I WROTE THIS AND THEN IT GOT DELETED I MIGHT KMS.

alastor gets slangs that are common such as LOL, WTF, IDK but doesn’t get some that aren’t as common like LMFAO, IDRC, or WTAF since they’re just making them longer, so it’s quite useless…

he also doesn’t quite get shortcuts for words. one time you left him a note “lol brb rq imma b back in like 20 min. j gon pick smt up” most of it was honestly gibberish to him, but at the very least, he understood you’ll be back in 20 minutes.

gets really angry when you say things like “stop reaching, gooner. you’re just pissed that you’re a beta.” because; one, you’re blatantly disrespecting the radio demon and telling him to shut up. and two, he doesn’t get what any of that meant. what’s a gooner?

also gets annoyed often when you start singing songs like “i’m the alpha, i’m the leader” or “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” because, it’s a reflection on modern society and how music quality in modern times have plummeted significantly.

what happened to those beautiful songs such as “the man i love”? has it been replaced by this rizzler nonsense??? honestly, you’re giving alastor more and more reasons to dislike modernity… you’re lucky he finds your company enjoyable

in a desperate attempt to connect with you, he asked angel about your humor, hoping he’d understand. alastor knows that if anything, velvette would know. but, he’d rather get beaten by lucifer than ask the vees for help…

sadly for him, angel is just as confused. although, he at least knew what this alpha bullshit was, vaguely explaining furries and the alpha-beta-omegaverse to him…

you were in the hotel den, scrolling on social media as alastor walked in. “s/o, be a dear and fetch me some chicken breasts from the butcher, would you? i’d like to prepare something for tonight’s dinner.” alastor smiled

“hmm… nah. go do it yourself, furry” you giggled brattishly. “hahah… what did you call me?” alastor asked sternly, his face now close with yours, antlers increasing only slightly in size. “ah…” you stuttered.

alastor was never this mad when you said stuff like that, what was so different today? maybe he was in a bad mood? “ah… ill get it…” you conceded, using your hands to lightly push alastor away, lest he decides you’ll be for dinner…………

alastor snickered before patting you on the head. “good girl. don’t call me that again, this old dog can still learn new tricks, y’know?” he teasingly sang out. “huh?” you asked. “did you learn what a furry is?” you bit your lip, holding back your laughter.

“indeed, i did. horrifying that you’d think i would indulge in such hobbies…” he sighed, looking a little uncomfortable through his stressed smile. “what..? i don’t think you’re a furry, alastor. it’s not that deep. furry is just something that i used to laugh about with my friends back on earth.” you shallowly laughed, copying his actions by rubbing his hair.

he has to admit, that little mistranslation was a little funny looking back on it. but, he is a little disheartened that he got you scared over nothing. you were just having your fun and he got all pissed off. he’d definitely try to instead ask you about your slang as to prevent such a thing again…

[9w1ft]

i think you’re being quite clear here which is an art that i lack… ive struggled writing something so direct because it feels like infighting territory and i’ve been sort of going back and forth a bit in my head and heart about all this. i have mixed feelings that are hard to articulate for me and it’s a string of events that effects many similar but different groups of people so it just feels like it’s hard to walk without unintentional stepping on toes.

and people have a right to say what they think based on what taylor is expressing. for sure. a right on the individual level, yes. and the way swifties jump on gaylors about this is and forever will be an issue. i don’t want to dismiss that on a base level. it really shouldn’t be an attack about what everyday people think. it’s more about how it is expressed by institutions.

and people can be hurt! even when we can and other people can separate these things (for example i think chely was clear enough about pointing out that she didn’t like that it was published), pushback can still hurt in any form because it’s representative of a generally negative climate that we find ourselves constantly in, and any perceived disapproval gets very easily weaponized, and scrolling through hostility hurts.

now here’s the part i struggle with articulating.

because i also feel like there’s a dichotomy or like an opposing tension between two things in the space right now, perhaps, there’s a little bit of… wanting-to-have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too about things that’s been growing in recent years among people popularizing gaylor, or gaylorism. because by and large gaylor people have been working to justify the discussion of queerness in taylor’s work as something divorced from taylor the individual and the people she knows (“museless”!), to “elevate” or “legitimize” the (their? the?) discussion of it at all, often posturing as you do in fandom so as to up your clout or credibility within the community, and, perhaps as a product of these things, more gaylors are bringing what they think, their thoughts and theories, into increasingly public facing platforms. video form content. using their own real faces and names. podcasts. guest interviews. personality-centric community building. you get these sort of… pseudo-platforms. not quite public but not quite fandom. and gaylor people have been pulling out what parts of gaylor that they deem ethical to talk about, brushing off the parts they decide aren’t, running with it, and from within that repackaging and polishing, things have become normalized to world at large and increasingly louder takes have made their way into institutions. news websites. internet publication social media presences. college curriculums. and it feels great to be seen and heard, yes, but from within that, at some point some of the public facing takes are going to start toeing some line. like, maybe at some point there’s a line of some sort? idk? it would seem that taylor pointed out that line, or decided not to course correct whoever pointed out the line.

what i think i mean to say is, i struggle with anyone saying there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinion on taylor’s queerness if they are also actively working to popularize and normalize talking about taylor’s queerness using or supporting platforms or venues that, while they might often be homemade, contribute to things ultimately being published across the line. you can’t have it both ways. otherwise, yes, a lot of sympathy for the hate going around this week for us all as a collective community.

and one thing i kept returning to this week was the word museless and how sure, on the surface, it seems like such an easy argument to say that people who focus on taylor’s muses are being invasive because people are being named and that talking about queer subtext is not because it’s academic and generalist. but i kind of wonder if the opposite isn’t actually true sometimes.

because what kaylors or other earnest muse groups are doing is trying to understand what inspired taylor to create most of her music in the first place; the what is so often a who because of the amount of love songs in her discography. and in the end, all we can really say at this point are rumors, look at the public facing reality we are stacked up against right now. all we can really be is weird. tinhatty. all we are doing is creating more folklore. if we are delusional, we are not credible. on the other hand, while talking about how gay her stuff is on tumblr or a bulletin board is all well and fine, if you go further afield than that and make a point of doing so “objectively” and spending so much time to build up ones legitimacy, working to become an authority, and taking money for it, it kinda means you’re ultimately building a stronger and stronger objective case for her being gay (umbrella term) at all. and that —at this point in time— is a threat.

i don’t think there’s a hard right or wrong, like sure, one could make some trolley problem argument that taylor the individual shouldn’t take precedent over her work being made an example of for the greater good or something to that effect, but at the same time maybe there’s something or there are some things in there to protect? maybe there are reasons she is not out? maybe she wants to proceed in her own way, because of the context of her life? maybe there’s a reason to want to maybe not make an endeavor of taylor? the other day i saw some stuff floating around on twitter about how oh i’ve never seen a full kaylor timeline kaylors never present a clear timeline post-2016 and then you get people commenting that’s because they don’t have one ha hah! take that kaylors! blah blah blah and it’s like, no, how about considering why the heck any one of us would want to collate that or even express our thoughts in full to people who belong to a group that refuses to keep things to themselves, given what we believe? like, my understanding or perception of taylor’s muse makes me want to be all hazy about it. focusing just on the queerness… i worry it might be making some amount of people lose perspective.

[pacifymebby]

Did you know there was issues in your relationship all along or are there things you didn't realise until towards the end? I've followed you for a few years and from the little bits you'd shared on here your relationship sounded perfect at times. Was there a big change or were things not as good as they seemed all along?

I've been thinking about this alot lately, especially because I scrolled back through my archive not long ago looking for old fic related content and stumbled across loads of old asks from around 2021 when we were really happy together, and those asks paint such a perfect picture of everything, and it's weird because I can hardly remember that year now... But I do know I was that happy and that we were a really beautiful couple. I think he just changed a lot and slowly enough I didn't really see it until it was way too late...

But idk, I really do believe we were as good as I used to talk about us being back during that first year of being together together. Then idk, maybe towards the end of 2022 things were a bit, not rocky, but I definitely started to have doubts... The thing was there were so many other miserable things going on that I could put the doubts down to anxiety and circumstances rather than anything being wrong with the actual relationship... I always had an excuse for why things were the way they were... And he was still there for me in ways I guess my family weren't seeing... And also so many of the things that I had doubts about were like, I kept telling myself they were me problems, or that I was being petty and shallow... Stuff to do with like, physical presentation, or the way he'd speak to me sometimes...

And then yeah, late 2023 I think I knew we were on a losing streak, we had these arguments that should have been petty little squabbles that we came out of as adults... But instead he'd be really shitty to me about them, and they'd almost always circle back to being about how bad his mental health was, id say something like "hey, pls remember you said you'd apply for that course because we're supposed to be moving in together and you're meant be moving out your family home..." And he'd get super angry and then be like "this is the kind of thing that makes me want to *insert dramatic graphic description of whichever suicide method he fancied that day"

And like, he'd make me feel bad for questioning small things like if he didn't brush his teeth and I said hey maybe you should brush your teeth today, then he'd make really snide bitchy comments to me or go back to the "this is the kind of thing that makes me want to kill myself" thing again.

And idk, I'm really understanding of mental health, my job means I'm really trained in understanding it, and my own experiences of it mean I can be very understanding, but like because of that I Know that what he was doing was abusive. And like he would often use my mental health against me if I tried to raise the issue and be like "you shouldn't treat me like this.."

And then obviously even when things were bad, 2022 and 2023 were pretty heavily littered with good moments. And moments when he made me feel loved and treasured...

Then again there was a night we were out last year, we'd been drinking with our mates all day and there weren't enough seats so I had to sit in his lap, and it was all fine but after awhile I'd worried if I was too heavy and then when I asked him if he was alright me sitting there or if I was too heavy he thought it would be a funny thing if he dropped me as a joke. But he let me fall on the floor in front of our mates to get a laugh out of the boys and idk, I think I was upset with him for that but he turned it on me and pretended like he hadn't realised it was mean... And I believed him, and I just think that if my dad had said the things he said to me today about why he had started to go off B, then I'd have realised so fucking fast that my dad was right and that actually I needed to leave and stop wasting my life.

And this all makes everything so painful because it's like wow my best mate of like nearly 8 years wound up treating me like I was his fucking disposable vape or something:/

I think the shit part of the breakup has finally hit lol

[jestersvanity]

Another Friday Night: Patrick Bateman x reader

Oneshot

Warnings/Content warnings: Smut, sex n stuff, major noncon, blood, cutting, virginity loss, Dom! Patrick, he is a psycho, Patrick Bateman being Patrick Bateman yk the classic stuffs

Note: Idk wrote this cus yk why not and I was feeling extra spicy (deranged), only did minor edits so sorry if it's kinda shit. This was very VERY self-indulgent. I tried to leave it gender neutral but it's definitely more fem. Sorry

Summary: uhhhhhhhh yeah

It was about that time of the year where things started ramping up for Pierce & Pierce : Mergers and Acquisitions.

Well not really it's a very grey place to work. You. Well you were just an office runner, no real handling of anything important appart from maybe keeping the pens in stock and making sure there was enough paper in each printer. Making sure the common areas were kept up like restocking kitchen suplies, cups for the water fountain and mediocre coffee station.

The best part of the job was spending the company credit card on snacks and stocking up the snack bar in the "kitchen" area. The kitchen wasn't really a kitchen it resembled a tiny apartments sad excuse for a kitchen but it was missing the stove and oven. Instead replaced with a tiny bench top microwave. Besides the point spending money on cute little snacks and restocking the snack bar was very therapeutic.

You took alot of pride in the "kitchen". I mean there's not much u can take pride in, in this job. You were technically a "secretary" but... It was mainly Jean which took care of the classic secretary jobs.

I'd like to think of it as secondary secretary or on call assistant. Unlike Jean you moved around a lot more whereas she was more glued to her desk replying to emails and phone calls. She was always so polite when she needed me to run some papers to another person. Usually you were last to leave the floor, after Jean leaves for the night you stay back replying to the last lot of emails she didn't get to, usually it was just 5-6 emails with 3 sentence replies.

She's pretty good at getting through the influx of emails everyday but the ones left weren't anything too big so you didn't mind getting the rest done.

Also, you stayed back just in case someone else on ur floor stayed back and needed some errands run.

More often then not its was to pick up food... Again. Half the time you were on coffee runs, lunch runs, another coffee run, another late lunch run, snack runs etc. The snacks run out rather quickly actually. If it wasn't food you would be picking up things from the post office, things from the dry cleaners or once again running a Manila folder to another big grey building down the block. Tonight wasn't so different. You stayed back like usual today there weren't any emails to reply to so you sat at Jeans desk surfing the Web and online shopping.

Tonight Patrick was staying back, you didn't know why it's not like he does anything appart from being a dick. Everytime u passed his office you saw him he reading a magazine in his office or doing a crossword. Everytime he had called you in to run a task it was something useless like throwing a piece of paper from his desk to his trash can in the left corner of his office which he was too lazy to do. He definitely does it just to fuck with you because every time there was a condescending or snarly comment. Of course you would without fail glare daggers at him or reply with an equally snarky and condescending remark.

Scrolling mindlessly for shit you didn't need untill the phone started ringing. It was Bateman. So with a annoyed sigh you picked up "Yes, what." you said impatiently. Honestly you just wanted to go, it was boring and you wanted to use your new artisan bath bomb. Plus it was Friday. "Come here" and then he promptly hung up. What could that prick even want. Getting up with a heavy huff and an attitude walking up to his glass office and pushing open the door.

You stared at him with an expectant look, 3 seconds had passed before he decided to speak. "I need you to carry this" gesturing to the fancy wine and Armani wine glass set that he got gifted today. "seriously... Too weak to carry this your self?". He ignore you putting on his blazer and picking up his breiff case ready to walk out. Bending over to carry his gifts you follow behind him leaving his office.

The elevator ride down was silent and full of tension. What a dickwad you thought. As we got to the ground floor there was a Porsche already waiting. Walking around back to put the wine and glases in the boot suddenly hearing "no I need you to hold on to them in the car, don't want them breaking now do we" he says emphasing the last few words. The driver opens the door for you to get in and shuts it after you give him a slight nod.

Patrick is already seated next to you and staring out the window. God even the way he sits is pretentious. Sooner or later we arrive at his apartment complex. We get out and he waves the driver away. What a dick move, you now had to call your own cab home. After he makes you carry the shit up to his apartment on he makes you call your own cab home??? God what did you ever do to make him hate you so much.

The whole journey you had been glaring at the back of his head trying to burn a hole through his skull. He unlocked his door and opened it up waiting expectantly for you to walk through. You do. As you look around trying to find a table or something to put his stuff down on. At this point your arms were tired and you were exhausted. Not to mention that it was a fucking Friday night. Your eyes landed on his white marble counter top and finally dropping his useless glasses and stupidly expensive wine off. His place was nice but boring as you expected. Clean but a maximalists nightmare.

As the weight left your arms you sighed and went to turn around and leave as you heard a *click* the sound of the door locking.

Did this bafoon straight up forget he just let someone into his apartment??? Walking up to Bateman who was leaning back against his apartment door looking sly. "okay ur stuff-" before you could finish your sentence he had you in a choke hold with a cloth over your nose and mouth. Struggling like a maggot in the beak of a bird, thrashing around untill all went dark.

Blurry white was all you could see. What happened. What the fuck. As your vision came back you sat up slowly. Where. What. You were confused and still trying to figgure out what was happening. Hands shakey reaching up to rub the blurring out of your eyes. Checking yourself for any missing limbs or anything that might indicate what happened. As you explore you feel a thick collar wrapped around your neck. Huh?? Pain shoots through your whole body. In two distinct pulses. As soon as it stopped you hear a chuckle comming from behind you. Turning you see Patrick sat on a chair looking awfully proud of himself. "Patrick..what's going on?" there were tears welling up but you were not going to let them spill.

He hold up a remote with 3 buttons shaking it like a toy in front of a baby tauntingly not saying anything. Pressing one of the 3 buttons with a click that almost echo's in the room. Instantly you feel the pulsing pain shoot through you body again. This time it went on for one second longer but it felt like a minute.

Angry and scared you shouted at him but all that came out was a high pitched pip and air getying caught in your throat. "awww what's wrong? Cat got ya tongue?" he teases walking closer now being over to meet your eye level.

You were on his bed, atleast he had the courtesy of putting you on his bed instead of the hard floors. Gathering your voice back up "Patrick what the fuck?" you manage to snap.

"I would drop the attitude if I were you"

"No Patrick what the actual fu-" pain sears through your limbs once again making you double over onto your side. "Be nice. Or ill shock you till your brain oozes out of your thick fucking skull" Patrick spits out, the dislike apparent in his voice.

As the pain subsides you open you eyes back up eyes landing on the knife he was now holding in his other hand. "Patrick why... Why?" looking up at him as he looms over the edge of the bed, voice no longer as strong or determined but quiet. Putting the knife down oh is side table he grabs a fist full of your hair making you sit up and look him directly in his eyes. "since you think ur so fucking smart why don't you figgure it out" adding a hmmm at the end as to belittle you even more. As if this wasn't already enough.

"what do you want" you whine out eyes casting down. His eyes were piercing straight through you. You didn't want to admit it but something inside you found this oh so very hot.

Letting go of you hair and grabbing his knife back he opens a closet. Watching his movement closely trying to figgure out what he was possibly going to get. He starts to set up a tripod. Oh God what the fuck you think to ur self. Panicking even more if that was even possible.

Adjusting the camera to face you he clicks a few buttons then clears his throat. "Ass up for the camera" in a stern demanding tone. Looking at him questionably to counter he holds up the remote for the shock collar you had on. Almost challenging you. Reluctantly you get on all 4s and arch your back with ur bum facing him and the camera. His footsteps comming closer untill you feel cold sharpness run up the back of ur thigh. Staying silent as he rips you skirt off leaving you in your stockings and a thong. You were still basically dressed but felt so naked and vulnerable. As he threw the now fabric rectangle on the floor he spanks your ass. The stinging making you involuntarily let out a little whimper of confused pleasure. "oh, so your are a little whore" feigning surprise. Hearing something scrape against the bed you try looking for clues as to whats to come next but fail as he strikes you with a whip? Cane? Unknown but it stung. Yelping as the thing made contact. The weight on the bed shifted as he got closer shoving ur face into the blankets "don't move bitch" he whispers into you ear before moving off again. Now you have deduced it was infact a cane and he wasn't going to tap you lightly. Striking your ass with the cane again and again while berating the living hell out of you. It hurt so good as tears soaked into the sheets. You could feel your pussy pulsing but you couldn't let Patrick know that.

"please stop" you were begging him as he kept whipping your cheeks with the cane. "Patrick please it hurts so much" "yeah it's supposed to hurt you dumb cunt" a few strikes later he stops. "stand up" he orders. Mustering up the strength you feel your stiff joints scream as you step onto the floor and straighten you knees and back. He's behind the camera "go have a good look at yourself" gesturing with his head to the mirror.

As you near you see the dark red lines left by the cane. Beads of blood forming at the skin and the skin that did split the blood was smeared by the other smacks all across your cheeks. "you see that" you nod slowly still looking at the carnage of your cheeks. "that's what sacarstic sluts get, I'm not letting you off with just that either" he warns as he roughly grabs you arm dragging you back to the edge of the bed and forcing you into your knees.

You could feel the heat and the pain radiate from your ass as your knees made contact with his carpet. With a hand firmly grasping at you hair and the other one skilfully undoing his belt and fly he pulls down his silk boxers revealing his massive hard cock. "don't just stare open up" yanking your head back so you would be looking up at him. Opening your mouth reluctantly he roughly shoves his cock in. Your hands automatically push against his thighs to no avail. He was so strong all you could do was grip at the fabric of his pants as he kept gagging you. He didn't let you breath and all you could hear was triumphant groans of pleasure comming from him. Your things were pressed together trying to quell the throbbing down stairs. As he pulled his dick out and let you breath he yanked to to your feet and forcefully ripped your shirt off and harshly yanking your bra off as the straps snapped and the claps split. "oh wow would you look at that, you don't know how long I've been wanting to fuck you brainless" as he roughly fondles your chest. His hand making its way up to you neck and then pushing you back onto the bed. "Patrick" you pleaded "Patrick please don't I'm" struggling to get out the words as he tightened his grip around your throat.

All you could do was let out a strangled moan. Finally letting go he sat back onto his knees and spreading your legs so that his cock was right at the entrance of your coochie.

Looking at him with pleading "Pat please don't, please I'm.." "finish ur sentence bitch" as he rest a hand on your inner thigh ready to rip your tights off. "I'm a virgin please don't"

"ur so fucking stupid ur pissing me off you fucking whore" as he rips a hole in your stockings and completely ripping your thong off leaving fabric burn marks on your hips. Without a second he thrust his girthy penis inside. Instinctively you tighten around him yet your legs were trying to push him away. None of your protest did Jackshit. Leaning to the side he grabbed the knife off the night stand again. Pressing his body against yours as he slid the knife up too your throat holding it there as he looked into your eyes while fucking you. All you could do was hold onto his forearm to lessen the pressure of the blade against your throat.

It hurt so bad but he didn't slow down he was pounding into you harder and faster. A shamefully moan every time he trusted into you. "you like my cock you little cum slut? Ofcourse you do u pathetic bitch" "because that's what you are aren't you" he cooes as you moan. He keeps ramming into you harder and faster untill you feel him cum inside of you.

A few final pumps and as he lifts himself up pressing his hand on your chest admiring what a mess you had become. "look at me" you had to fight your mind fog to look at him. "mm pa-" he slaps ur face leaving a sting hand print on your cheek "it's Sir." "slut" he spits out. "sir please no more" pleading with him again now fully exhausted. He just chuckles and walks back over to his camera taking it off the tripod and filming manually. "open up" hitting you leg lightly expecting you to spread them open again. But you didn't hear him still in a daze trying to process what just happened.

One quick shock back to reality quite litteraly you instantly spread open your legs. Kneeling down with his camera he reaches his fingers to display his hard work to the camera. You could feel the warm cum oozing out of your slit. As he kept using his fingers to spread your lips open. Standing back up again. "hands off your tits bitch" he demands. Slowly uuncrossing your arms from your chest you prop yourself up to face him properly with your legs still open. He's filming you. "okay repeat after me, I'm just a hole" "I'm just a hole" you whisper weakly. He drops the camera a bit to look at you and sighs with disappointment "a bit more enthusiasm and smile a bit" tilting his head to the side in sly mockery. "your a slut. Act like one" he states impatiently then lifting the camera back up. "I'm just a hole" this time you exclaimed with more life, surprisingly a smile was easy to muster up.

That sick part of you enjoyed this. "see that's not so hard is it" he teased as he propped the camera back on the tripod. This time he opens the night stand and grabs something. You couldn't quite see. *click* he opens it to reveal a switch blade. Frozen you followed him with your eyes as he sat opposite you. "patric- sir w-what are" squealing as he lunges at you pressing you back down on the bed.

His weight and strength being impossible to struggle against. "stay still doll, it's easier if you stay still" he chuckles as the knife nears your face. "pat" you manage to squeak out as he sliced up the corner of your mouth and up your cheek. The warm blood running down the sides of your head and down your neck. You actually started crying now the tears which you held back so long came pouring down mixing with the warm thick blood from your cheeks. He had finished with your other cheek now sitting back. Losening his tie and undoing a few buttons of his shirt. "look at how much prettier you are now" looking at you with admiration for his handy work. Taking off his tie "hands" he said composed like he didn't just mutilate your face, you stretch out your arms to him as he ties your writs up with his tie then strapping it through a slot in his headboard.

Grabbing his switch blade again he drags it up your thigh stopping when he reaches your sternum. Paralized in shock, fear and... Love? Your breaths slow down as he looks back up at you. "it's okay doll, just customising you a bit alright?". Proceeding to slowly carve his name into your torso. Each letter painfullfully deep and deliberately slow. Making you squirm with each slice. The muffled sobs bouncing around the room.

After he pumped 3 more loads into you he flopped onto his back and reaching for the smokes on his side table. Lighting one up puffing away nonchalantly. After he was done, he snuffed the cig putting it out above the I making the the dot above the I in Patrick.

Untying your wrist and you stared at the wall. Making his way to the bathroom and bring back a warm towel he kisses you for the first time tonight on your now dried up bloodied cheek.

Before tenderly wipeing the blood and dried tears off your face. You sat there on the bed not moving but concious just not moving. He got a second warm towel after the first one got drenched in blood to wipe down your torso and the rest of the dried blood off your body. "Get under the covers" his voice now softer. Before heading back to the bathroom to do his night ime routine. Getting under the blankets. Curling up into the fetal position despite the pain of the cuts in your torso screaming to stop. Trying to fall asleep. The lights flicked off and the bed dipped as Patrick got under the covers his warm body pressed up against your battered body. You were divided. You hated him more than ever you were scared, confused, angry, tired and yet your body seemed to move on its own. You sank back into his chest and arm as he pressed a kiss on the back of your neck. He was completely different than who he was 30 mins ago. You couldn't imagine the Patrick you saw in the office doing all that to you. You couldn't imagine the Patrick that cut you up pressing that soft tender kiss he just kissed on the back of your neck. Yet he did.

Note: y'all got the good ending smh I might write a different ending with more smut lol idk.

Lmao

[nohoperadio]

Over the past two months or so my tumblr usage has shifted: for a lot of years now it was something I scrolled through on and off almost entirely as a lurker, reblogging stuff sometimes but only truly Posting a single-digit number of times per annum, if that. But suddenly I'm using it more often and mostly actually saying stuff when I'm on here, whether that's just adding silly little tag comments to things or writing actual posts about stuff that's on my mind or even sometimes, like, talking to people, which is not usually something I'm naturally inclined to do (even in low-stakes online spaces) unless I'm basically forced to. Not like a ton, but some--I haven't really done the socializing online thing since I was around 15, we're talking like 2007-era Invisionfree and ProBoards forums, and dipping my toe into it again here in small ways has felt Right to me, I didn't really notice how much I missed existing online until recently. (Man this post is getting weird maybe idk.)

I say this happened suddenly, but I wouldn't say mysteriously, I'm pretty sure I know the proximate cause: I started keeping a daily personal diary in January as a new year resolution and this unexpectedly became a habit I not only kept up(!), but enjoyed, and it seems to have unclogged some part of my brain that craves self-expression in the written word. This impulse has spilled over into the way I use tumblr in that I am having more thoughts that are paragraph-shaped but not necessarily diary entry-shaped and this blog seems like the natural place to decant them. I guess the diary also lessened the aversion of "what if I put effort into writing a post but nobody interacts with it", because I'm already producing a bunch of words that nobody is interacting with or even allowed to look at so what does a few more matter? (I guess the B-plot of this post is that keeping a diary can be a positive experience and I encourage anyone who's ever felt curious about that to give it a try.)

Anyway. All I'm leading up to here is: I'm going to be really fucking sad if tumblr dies in the near-future. I didn't properly keep up with the stuff about the CEO being crazy or whatever because that's the sort of news story I deliberately avoid keeping up with, but it seems to have cast a shadow of uncertainty about the site's future for at least some people (I mean like more so than has been the norm across tumblr's history) and to whatever extent this is not baseless scaremongering: man, what! I was literally just getting comfy! I mean if they kill this place I'll obviously have less claim to grief than the people who have invested lots of time and energy into it for years, but, idk, I'll be pissed off in a very particular and sad and sore way is what I'm trying to say.

[yuutito]

Not sure if this got sent in successfully the first time so I’m sending it again.

Hi Aleks can we please know more about your sugar baby harem 🤭

Honestly I see you taking out your sugar baby and making them try on dresses, skirts and asking them to twirl around in them while sit in a chair with either a glass of some type of drink or scrolling through your phone (I need to stop reading stuff 😅)

Anyways any specific scenarios you have that you would like to make come true if you had a sugar baby?

Okkk ummmm I’ll talk about it but like. This is in Minecraft ok. LMAOSNKSDNSK I’m just gonna describe like what I would want out of that in a fictional scenario cause I’d feel a little weird talking this way about anyone IRL 😭 i feel like there’s a bit of shame to wanting to be a sugar daddy/dom/etc or wanting to objectify someone in this way. Despite how often people wanna be sugar babies it feels a bit shameful to wanna be the sugar daddy. Maybe it’s just all in my head idk. but that’s for a whole other post. anyway

Well 😵‍💫 definitely taking someone shopping is a big one. I’d love to dress someone up and see how pretty they would look wearing something I bought them… idk how to describe it but I think there’s some sense of like ?pride? Or like satisfaction in paying for someone else to look good for you… like shopping is one part like swipe my card drag me by the hand let me watch you try on stuff etc. But also there’s this thing where it’s like… what if I send them money and tell them to get ready for a date and they use my money for clothes/nails/makeup etc and show up all dolled up?? That also is so hot to me too 😵‍💫 like they had to think “I’m getting dressed up FOR aleks” or like “would aleks like this look?” Like… me being in their head is so 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 like they wouldn’t even have to do anything sexual to still make this whole thing exciting idk just being like a ?provider? In this sense is stimulating? Idk

If I was like RICH rich I also think just providing for someone else’s life is general is really satisfying. Like paying for someone else to get things they like or things they otherwise couldn’t afford? I know in my head in like a scenario like this chances are the recipient would totally just be using me LOL but like. Still the idea of them improving their life in some way because of money that I acquired is nice!! To me!!

And well… cannot deny the nsfw scenarios that roll through the mind… LOL

I’d really want to be like… what’s the word… seduced? Like when the other person shows up all dressed up… wanna peel the layers off one by one. Kind of like a present that you get to unwrap. I definitely would like to be like… seated. And have them do a lot of things to me 😵‍💫 this is probably gonna sound weird to those who lean sub but I imagine it to be very… one sided……….. how do I explain… like. I want to tell them what to do but I don’t want to touch them very much with my hands. More like… telling them to do xyz to me and rewarding them when they listen well with affection… making them a service sub I guess you could call it? I have very specific visions of getting the strap sucked off, pretty nails showing as they wrap their hand around it… or like. Telling them to ride me while they still have on the clothes I bought them. Or if they are wearing super intricate lingerie underneath I’d wanna watch them strip… etc etc SORRY I am just . I am just a man ig

[cringelordofchaos]

Flicker Eduardo headcanons!!

I know almost no one cares except maybe that one flicker fan scrolling through the flicker tag, but idc

(some of these are weird and stupid)

(also when I say "into ___" I don't mean it in a romantic or s##ual context btw)

pansexual demiboy, he/they, name means "Wealthy Guardian" (only thing canon in this post)

Into rock and heavy metal

Introverted

Into cryptozoology

Into 80's horror movies

Teenager, bout 16-18 y/o

Into werewolves

obsessed with stranger things

Deadname is Valentina (based on the fact that he was initially supposed to be called Valentina and have a different design)

Engages with risky (??) and rebellious behaviour

Divorced parents, father had abandoned both them and their mom and his infant sister

Hispanic

Used to be best friends with Alex, drifted apart and now Ed feels bitter Abt him

Not satanic but they are into studying satanism and people devoted to it

Atheist

Into murder mysteries

Quiet in groups at first until he gets to know others in the group better

Plays the guitar (both acoustic and electric)

Horrible at singing, still likes singing

Used to be in a band with Alex, Amethyst and Prasiddhi

Gets absolutely horrible grades in school besides in literature and Spanish

Theater kid

Dumb#ss nerd

Has sooo many earrings and necklaces

Obsessed with many bands (I can't specify which ones bc i don't know sh#t about music,)(actually screw it I'll name a few that my mom likes

Into Metallica, Radiohead, Queen The Door, and other crap like that (I only listen to Radiohead out of these)

Has one of his eyebrows pierced

Has wolf as their fave animal

Kinda insane (don't ask)

Into paranormal stuff

Brave

Determined and stubborn

Street smart

Skateboards

All about self expression

Known as the quiet kid or the weirdo in school

Likes to go outside at night

Halloween is their fave holiday

Quiet in relation to his negative opinions regarding others

Secretly a MLP + STH fan

Can get bored and distracted easily

Into parkour and tree + rock climbing

Spiritually in the 80's

A really good older sib figure

Attachment issues, fears being abandoned so sometimes they push other people away first, other times he is a bit clingy and desperate

Uses the peace ✌️ and rock 🤘sign quite often

Embraces weirdness

Will always protect and defend people he cares about

Can be kinda rude but also really kind?

Often does the chores in the house, kinda tired from that + schoolwork

Now that Alex isn't their friend anymore, they're just kind of the loner in their class (before he gets sent to the Flicker game)

When the flicker game first starts, he like most people just think it's a run, fake murder mystery game, but one night (a bitttt early on) when they were supposed to get killed they managed to flee and escape into the woods, everyone thinking he's dead

Always puts up a fight when needed

Used to crush on alex and still cares about him as much as he refuses to admit it

Swears a moderate amount

Winks often (ok these HCs sre getting very mundane... um)

Ends up getting along well with most of the flicker players

He constantly feels like HE has to work for everyone (like their mom, having to do chores and upkeep his grades), and although they're very loyal they're also reasonably tired

The start of the flicker game has actually been one of the happiest periods in his life in some time

Can be impulsive

Fidgets often

In classes they barely do anything

Master at solving Rubik's cube

Pretty chill most of the time actually

Into video games too, primarily indie horror and visual novel

Him and Rosalie bicker often

Really wants to be independent, competent and responsible to prove they don't need anyone

They give me Lucas Sinclair and Drew from TMF vibes for sum reason??

Is neurodivergent (bpd, adhd, maybe sumth else idk)

...

Wtf even is this... I'm literally the worst flicker fan to ever exist I'm so sorry

[thomashoes]

Thinking about.... Scaramouche

idk why i had this idea but i was on a bus when i got had this thought lol. enjoy~~

scaramouche x reader

gender neutral reader

modern au

TW// mentions of death, abu$ive relationship, emotional manipulation, hurt/no comfort (no likey? feel free to scroll pass :>)

This is an AU wherein the lies you tell will be permanently marked on your skin until you tell the truth.

They don't know when it started. It could've been when Kunikuzushi's best friend was accidentally killed in a crossfire of some gang activity or when the young boy he often babysits and considered as a brother finally succumbed to his terminal disease. Somewhere in between those events, Kunikuzushi lost his heart and Scaramouche has become his new identity.

The relationship they had was what some people called perfect, dates every Friday, supporting each other's passion, being there for one another, those kinds of stuff. It was perfect.

It started when, Scaramouche constantly called his lover and yelled at them through the phone then demanded they come home whenever Y/N was out with their friends. Y/N ignored the concern their friends showed but they just brushed it off and told them Scaramouche was simply being clingy. However, when Y/N would return to their shared apartment, Scaramouche would speak to her in an intimidating manner. Y/N, at first, thought he was being sarcastic until he marched forward and gripped her face tight. It was very different from the usual play fighting they had, this one actually hurt and he was laughing at their pain.

Another thing would be when Scaramouche spotted them in the mall with friends, he casually strolled to their direction with clenched jaw. He greeted their friends with a strained smile and wrapped an arm around Y/N's waist, discreetly gripping hard. He suddenly announced that his mother just called him for a family emergency and that he had to take Y/N with him since she was already family to them.

This was when Y/N's friends realized something was wrong because, from what they know, Kunikuzushi was an orphan and didn't have foster parents.

They attempted an intervention but somehow Scaramouche was acting how he normally did. So casually manipulating his friends into thinking he's the same Kunikuzushi as before, Y/N's fear began when she didn't see any marks showing on his body.

When they were alone in their apartment, Scaramouche would get violent. Throwing their plates and mugs, punching the walls and, at one occasion, threw around the knives. This terrified Y/N since they have never saw this side of their lover ever. But what absolutely scared them was that he would break everything but never grew physical with her.

"You need to stop hanging out with those so called friends of yours because they will just get in the way of the two of us, okay, sweetheart?" he expressed haughtily, one corner of his lips curled like Cheshire the Cat's. "I don't like the look of their marks covering their bodies. Makes them untrustworthy, while we are both unmarked people, we best not associate with them."

"I'm just looking out for you, you know that, right? I would never hurt you because I love you." he affirmed while the grip on their arms grew tighter that Y/N knew that bruises would start to show again. "Y-You're hurting me, Kuni," Y/N whimpered as tears burned their eyes.

Dark eyes narrowed and tilted his head, "Maybe you're just growing tense. I'm not hitting you, I'm only holding you right now. I just told you I wouldn't hurt you, Y/N. Why is that so hard to believe?"

In fear, Y/N nodded to him and stuttered out an apology. Scaramouche laughed at them and moved his grip to their cheeks with the same tension as earlier, "I love you, Y/N." he spoke oh-so-gently.

Heart beating fast, Y/N shakily leaned into his touch and echoed out, "I love you too, Kunikuzuhi."

Scaramouche's eyes sharpened as he searched their face for any traces of dishonesty. When he was satisfied, he let go of his grip and kissed both cheeks noisily, "Well then, let's go watch some classical movie."

Unbeknownst to Scaramouche, Y/N felt a phantom pain run along their back. Eyes burned even more and their shaking intensified as they realized that a mark has formed on their body.

[afaramir]

5, 8, 12, 15, 33, and 34! <3333

YAYY thank u jamie for all of these <333

5. quote one of your fics out of context

A memory, to an architect, is a prison, a haunting, a noose.

from two shadows burning out a glory day, my bizarre inception/bond crossover fic. its very close to my heart it was kind of my first. idk if i can say non-conventional fic but it kind of is. like conceptually and narratively Weird. something that messes with the reader's head.

8. share the last line that you wrote

oh BOY. im trying to ease back into writing after the wackass week i've had but something seized me and i AM up at 3am picking away at umbar fic. but its time for bed because i have work and also i just thesaurused "retreat." when i start looking up synonyms of VERY simple words its a sign the night is over.

[his father] would give him every honour, and would that not mean he would accord him every accompanying sin?

hehehehe the thorongil-ecthelion-denethor dynamic IS absolutely in the air. its funny because right before this denethor basically curses thorongil out for daring to bring up His Damn Father when they're making out. yeah its pretty insensitive. but it leads him here and from MY perspective the introspection is yummy. don't think of elephants or whatever.

12. what fandom do you want to write for most often

hmm i feel like. my answer is just whatever im? hyperfixating on at the moment? when i get in there i REALLY get in there. but maybe pacific rim. it just lives at a low simmer in the back of my mind at all times but it's also the hardest to bang something quick out for because it is one of, if not THE most emotionally fraught for me to deal with. its just. well its a lot of grief. and also a lot of times my style becomes very um. Particular. because of my personal headcanons about how drifting fucks with your head and how that kind of comes across in the prose. and i gotta be in the right headspace for All That.

15. what fic of yours would you most like to rewrite

honestly i'm not sure if? any of them? i saw a quotation once about only having been able to write certain things at certain points in your life and i really believe that. current me could not produce a lot of my old stuff at all. there's small parts of many things i might change but not complete rewrites, and i also want to preserve them in their posted form for posterity. e.g. there's parts of dreamlike, and yet no dream that i would want to tweak to match my current Denethor And Faramir complexities (it's missing a Little of the nuance. and the terrible pity that i think faramir ends up feeling for his father) but i would NOT want to completely rewrite it. i'm scrolling through my ao3 and like. yeah. and i do think that after maybe 2020 it really begins to stand the test of time and most of my prior stuff i don't have a strong enough attachment to really want to rework. i leave it up entirely for archival purposes.

33. which of your fic titles is your favourite?

i really like five year plan for the afternoon. i honestly really like most of my titles i’ve probably mentioned i think really hard when im choosing them and i hope it shows in the match between the title and the energy/themes of the fic. but i DID create this one from my own mind (rare) and i feel like it really gave the energy of like. having the future you never thought you would have because you've spent your whole life fighting an impossible fight thinking you would die trying...and getting to not have to have a plan for the future not because you think you won't have one but because you just have all the time in the world.......wow.

35. have you ever written a fic because you were inspired by a title?

hmm. not really. i do have some inspired-by-songs ones (talked about those here) that eventually ended up with corresponding lyric titles but it doesn't really work the reverse way. i mostly will hear a lyric and create a Scenario rather than a title

fic writer asks

[bereft-of-frogs]

the friday list ~

this is really covering like a week and a half, because with all the traveling and eclipse adventures, I didn't have much to update last week.

books:

Jawbone - Monica Ojeda: I finally finished this one. I think it went on just a little long for the structure, which was very stream-of-consciousness. There would be like, multiple pages with no paragraph or dialogue breaks. It was interesting, I still liked the vibe, but it ended up being kind of hard to get through.

(in-progress, for book club) This Wretched Valley - Jenny Kiefer: What I like about this book is it's doing a good job showing how annoying both rock climbing people and 'I can't go anywhere without my dog' people are without fully tipping over into completely insufferable. She's walking that line really well. The metaphors are a tiny bit much but I'm enjoying the atmosphere so far. Oh also, I'm struggling a tiny bit with how many dumb decisions they're making. Like, I get that there's something supernatural going on, but outdoor horror stories definitely have a very narrow margin for error between 'understandable mistakes' and 'why the fuck wouldn't you bring a second helmet or rope? why once there's a significant injury does it never occur to you to send one person hiking out to get help? WHY DON'T YOU HAVE ANY PAPER MAPS OR A COMPASS???????' Oh, wah, the GPS is broken, WHY ARE YOU RELYING SOLELY ON GPS IN THE FIRST PLACE? (ok sort of unfair because there's some spooky shit going on so even if they did everything right they wouldn't escape BUT that's even less of an excuse to have them make a bunch of dumb mistakes. Like isn't it MORE horrifying if you do everything right and still can't get out? Idk I just like competent characters and I wish more outdoor horror did the 'super competent characters make understandable mistakes or are caught by forces outside of their control' and less just went for the imo lazy 'idiots bumbling into doom'.)

(in-progress, phone book) Into the Dark - Claudia Gray: I had some bad scrolling moments there for a couple days, but I'm rededicated to not scrolling, catching up on the High Republic series instead. I'm a little over halfway, I forgot this book does one thing I find a little irksome, but it's a can of worms I don't want to open, iykyk kind of deal. Still love Reath though.

(in-progress) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien: I don't often reread The Hobbit, but once I finished LOTR I thought I'd pick it up. It's always funny to me when Tolkien like, slips into a lore dump in the middle of his children's adventure novel. Like we'll be bopping around and suddenly he'll be like 'and in the days of the kings of old, when the Valar....' and there's just a paragraph with all the cadences of The Silmarillion before he kind of snaps back and remembers what they're doing and it's back to being a romp.

tv:

Severance (AppleTV): Oh my GOD. WHAT. This was so disturbing and so funny and I basically had a 45 minute heart attack during that finale. I can't wait for season 2, that was INSANE. I think my only critique is that I wish some of the twists had been signaled a bit earlier. I think I might rewatch to see if I pick up on any foreshadowing but I really didn't seen the twist about Mark's wife coming at all, like it wasn't even on my radar as a direction they could take. It felt like it was signaled then revealed seemingly within the same episode, and I thought maybe there could have been more hints earlier on. Though I think some worked to come out of nowhere, like who Helly really is.

Anthracite (Netflix): Short little 6 episode cult mystery on Netflix. It's kind of a frenetic pace which I think is partially purposeful style, and partially because they only have 6 episodes. I think I'd like to see the 10 episode version of this show, where they have a little more time to build the characters.

movies:

Train to Busan (2016): I had never actually seen this. It was a truly excellent zombie film. I cried.

Jigoku (1960): I'm back to trying to work through the Letterboxd Top 250 horror list, AND try to watch all the ones on Criterion so I can drop that subscription. Bit of a slow build, but the hell scenes were cool.

Zone of Interest (2023): Do I regret not seeing this in theaters? I don't know. I didn't because it didn't seem like I needed the big screen, but the more I heard about the sound design and now that I've seen it, yeah, I think it deserved the big speaker system and not my TV's kind of tinny speakers. The sound design was for sure the real star. Extremely disturbing and effective. Maybe it would have been TOO much seeing it in theaters.

Speak No Evil (2022): I get what they were trying to do but you can refer to my liveblog to see why it didn't quite work for me.

Monkey Man (2024): Omg I almost forgot to put this one? This was such a good action movie, Dev Patel is fantastic and the soundtrack is 10/10. I really enjoyed it, if you haven't seen it yet you 100% should.

video game update: got through Ilum in my perpetual Fallen Order playthrough. Which means: purple lightsaber time :)

craft update: I have reached the underarm join on my vest! Which is exciting because I'm so close to not needing to purl anymore but I did not think through a significant tool issue so before I actually join it up I have to either 1) find another #7 circular needle among my supplies, 2) buy another one, 3) possibly just buy another set of interchangeable needle tips? We'll see if I can JUST get the needle tips and it's not too expensive.

to do:

I have to do an errand I don't want to on my lunch hour. Boo. It involves paperwork and the DMV. I know it will probably not take as long as I'm imagining but. I don't wanna. I'm watching a video of a youtuber I like also deal with car registration as inspiration. Argh. Let this saga be over, before I can't deal with it anymore and drive my stupid car into the sea (I shouldn't joke about that someone actually did that like 6 months ago).

post office to hopefully finally finish the above saga

clean apartment

finish out the first week of my new running routine with about 2 miles tonight and then around 3ish tomorrow

writing goals: I think I figured out my block on chapter 7, so my goal for the next week is to finish a really rough draft of chapter 8, then retreat back to finishing up chapter 7 and then continuing on with the more polished version of chapter 8. I moved some things around. I don't think I have to kill a darling (a paragraph I really like). I think I found a place for it that doesn't completely break the characterization and logic, like the version I started with.

figure out knitting needle issue and/or finish detangling yarn so I can make progress on other project

I might go to home depot because I have a dresser I'd like to repaint, I've had the swatches picked out for a full year now, I just have to actually get the paint and sandpaper and such.

despair: oh my god my activity page is ruined. that post about fanon has over 10k notes. I'm gradually losing faith in the reading comprehension of this site (gradually?). pray that things lessen up a bit this week LOL But also #grateful no one has called me a bitch yet, small wins, I've just learned a lot about random discourse in other fandoms, no one's actually tried to start discourse with me yet

[queerofcups]

probably your inbox is not the place to put this, but i was scrolling your blog and saw your post about it. younger fans experience of fandom is so much about surveillance because they are constantly surveilling each other. my current fandom is relatively young (kpop), and in the first month there was a callout post about someone who kudosed a smut fic about an extremely underaged character. i don't even know how they found that kudos, except through very dedicated stalking of [1/2]

oh yeah, my inbox is open for these kinds of discussions, even if I take a while to answer.

yeah, that's not super surprising but is a real fucking bummer, nonny. i do think its a real ourobourus of people doing surveillance, so people act surveilled, so people think its normal to do surveillance and I don't know what the answer is other than to like...develop community with people who will just let you like the shit you like? and/or who are prepared to have conversations about like...fic preferences not being a reflection of real desire and desire often being a complicated, difficult thing. and also like...doing fandom in a healthy way?

and, as much as i understand it, all I see, when I see newer fans talking about like...not leaving kudos on a fic that's more than a year old or being so deeply, deeply scared of being *seen* is an existential threat to fandom as a hobby and as anything like a community (which, lol). like, I know people have very big opinions about writers wanting kudos but like...idk man, kudos feel good! comments feel *really* good. having someone hold up your work and say "I like this thing" is absolutely fuel! and if fanwork creators of all sorts are just kind've...making things and chucking them into a silent void, eventually some of them, maybe most of them, are gonna be like...what's even the point?

Sorry, I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but when I get past my initial frustration and confusion with the way that newer fans act, I mostly just feel really sad for y'all. Because it doesn't have to be this way. Don't get me wrong, fandom has always had its share of -isms and bullshit and people being assholes but the throughline of fear of being seen that I see in newer fans feels super disheartening and makes me really sad for y'all.

[fonulyn]

3 fic questions:

1: Which fic took you the longest to write?

2: Which fic did you have the most fun writing?

3: Which fic was the "fine! I'll do it myself!" fic?

ohhhh these are so hard :'D but let's try!

...and I'm gonna apologize in advance because two and three are gonna have so many answers, but I've literally written over 200 RE fics so it's impossible for me to choose 😅 i'm sorry and bear with me.

only the courage to continue counts (Piers/Leon, re4 au, past!Krauser/Leon)

this one was easy lol. it took me a long long time mostly because it's 93k, which is like three times as long as my next longest fic. simply getting out that many words took a while! also, I almost gave up after chapter 4 because literally no one was reading it and I wondered if it's worth it to keep going. had a good cry about it, lol, and angsted about it for a bit. but re4 is my favorite (surprise!) so I decided it'd be worth it. and honestly? I think it was. it's a good fic. I'm happy with how it turned out. ...but i don't think i have another this long fic in me tbh, i just can't do it alone.

2. this is trickier because there's so many :'D first, the entire pinnacle of self-indulgence series because it's what I return to when I want something low-stress, no expectations, where I can just have them be as domestic as I want. it hasn't always been tons of fun, because sometimes i use it to vent other feels, but it means a lot to me.

smooth talking, Nivans, very smooth was also tons of fun, making Piers put his foot in his mouth repeatedly just because of how into Leon he is? :'D it still makes me grin lol.

also the other maybe-a-little-cracky-ones; maybe he's born with it (the is Leon a true blond??? fic), the prettiest agent with the prettiest hair (the Piers stress-braids Leon's hair fic), and how to accidentally get adopted - a guide by Piers Nivans (Piers accidentally keeps calling Chris "dad" and gets sorta adopted by him and Leon) - idk i guess I really enjoy writing stuff that's not exactly very serious :'D

i also had a shitton of fun writing three words to last forever, even if two of its three endings have major character death in them lol. but i've always wanted to do a choose-your-own-ending fic! so it was super fun! if i had the energy i would love to do another where you get to choose different paths, but they all lead to the same ending eventually.

others I had tons of fun writing include winter lovin' (there's snow one like you) where Piers and Leon vacation in Finland (yay!), you're feeding the fire within me where they get a dose of Rebecca's new Super-Viagra (a sex-pollen fic lol), driving deep into your heart which is a completely random au where Piers is a motorcycle racer :'D, carpe diem (seize the day) which is a smutty genderswap fic, and fall in love so easy where Leon learns he enjoys being called pet-names.

i'm just gonna stop now because otherwise I'm gonna end up listing twenty more. but honestly, like I said before, I've written 200+ RE fics so :'D this is hard lmao. I genuinely like most fics I've written. and I genuinely enjoyed writing most of them. I'm sorry this is such a non-answer :'D

3. this also has the potential to become a mess like question number two lmao. the vast majority of what I write is "fine! I'll do it myself!" fics. like, almost every single Piers/Leon fic I've written belongs in this category since, well, if I don't no one will :'D also a lot of my Krauser/Leon are things I wanted but didn't find (although I gotta give a shoutout to the pair in general, there are a lot of quality metaltango fics out there that I could never do).

aside from that, after scrolling through my fics, I realized most of the fics I wrote after not finding what I wanted to read are ...porn :'D lmao I often go look for something specific, don't find it, and have no choice but to do it myself!

as examples, I am the light that shall lead you to darkness (Wesker/Chris dubcon, I just wanted Chris to get nailed lmao), without hope, without fear (Jason/Leon monsterfucking, and I gotta say, I'm still bummed the pairing didn't take off at all it's got all kinds of potential goddamnit [also I keep wanting to write another of these two but ehhh] but i won't rant more here), on an all time high (Leon/Queen Plaga, I just... had a major need :'D), lost control (Leon/Lickers, what can I say, I had a major need lmaooo), kiss before the fall (Jake/Piers, this pairing deserves so much more love ok), ravishing (Chris/Jill, I just wanted Jill worshipped ok, and there's another similar one rattling in my brain but I haven't gotten to writing it, idk if i ever will).

so like. smut :'D apparently I have specific likes and have to cater to myself lmao.

OKAY BUT now I'll shut up for real. thank you for the ask! gave me a perfect excuse to reread my own fics lol. and I'm sorry for such non-answers :'D I just can't choose lol.

[misschimotosuwa-blog]

Anime/Manga Throwbacks? Mirrors? References?

Ever since I watched/read Chobits, I've been seeing this same Iconic pose throughout manga that I love. Makes me wonder... "Did Chobits start a trend? Or am I just missing something?". 😅😅

(you can just scroll through the pictures to see the similarities if you don't feel like reading, I have just also included my thoughts about the possible referencing/mirroring and some info on Chobits)

Just a run-down (also, this is a spoiler if anyone had desire to watch or read this -- which you should lol) for anyone who hasn't read/watched Chobits. There is a beautiful and sweet humanoid robot that has been found in the trash by a wanna-be college boy student haha. She was found in the trash, so she must have had a previous life/existence, elsewhere, yeah? Well, yes, yes she did. She was made for an infertile woman by her loving husband, to have as a child, and she had a "twin" sister, by the name of "Freya". Anywho, stuff happened, things went down. Freya was basically on her "deathbed", so to speak. And oddly enough Chi (or at the time she was called "Elda") tells her to transfer her data into her so they could always be together? Idk yeah, I think it's a little odd too. Her "Father" passed away, and her "Mother" wanted little Elda to find a better and happier existence... So she rebooted her, turned her off, and put her in the trash, in hopes that she'd find a better/happier existence and hopefully, love. Anyways, on Chi's journey for love, she gets "visions" of her twin sister n' stuff. Yeah, it's pretty odd, but I still love it. Anywho, her sister looks identical to her, the only thing is that she dresses darker/ more punk-like/ has less optimism/ has a slightly deeper voice/ has more emotion shown on her face... Yada yada.

I know that Sleepy Princess in The Demon Castle makes a lot of references to older anime/manga... So I thought with Sya having a demon doppelganger, and having this same pose with her, seemed very much like a reference to Chobits. (Not saying Freya is a demon, she's just often referred to as, "Dark Chi"). (But honestly, if either Sya or Bussy is the "dark" version, I'd definitely say it's actually Sya -- the HUMAN princess 😂😂😂).

And I haven't gotten quite that far in Toilet Bound Hanako-kun yet, so idk if I'm missing any dynamic with Nene and Aoi, but all I know rn is, that they're besties, and Aoi is the version of Nene that she wishes she was... If that makes sense? Like... Nene wishes she was popular with boys just like her. So... Maybe that's also similar in a way?

Idk, also. The way this cover is designed. Nene's curious yet vacant expression, and then Aoi's reassuring countenance and expression-filled face also seems like a mirror to Chobits. Chi always looks curious/almost expressionless, and Freya always has emotion on her face. Anyone? Also, didn't mention... This is the same on the Sleepy Princess art!! Sya seems almost vacant of emotion, and Bussy is much more full of expression! Ok, yeah. I think it is a reference/mirror tbh.

Are these all references to Chobits? Did this iconic-ness start elsewhere? Is this just a coincidence? Any thoughts? 😅😂🤔

-- Miss Chi Motosuwa 💕

[scarecrow-brainrot]

I've been meaning to say this earlier, but I was scrolling through a tag of yours and saw you talk in ancient Greek and it reminded me that you *do* in fact know ancient Greek and that is so, so fascinating to me, goodness gracious. I believe the tag had something to do with not being able to capture the emotion properly in English, which intrigued me supremely. Are you self-taught or did you grow up with it?

Χαιρε! (Hi!)

Aw thank you!!

I love Ancient Greek so much! Practicing it is one of my favorite hobbies! I’m not smart enough to be self-taught, but I was extremely lucky that I got the opportunity to learn it for free a few years ago- so now I just keep up with it for fun! I absolutely would recommend it to anyone interested in learning! (or any dead language for that matter!)

I definitley think that Ancient Greek matches my way of thinking better than English (maybe it’s because of my particular neurodivergencies… I’m not sure!). It’s definitely a life goal to become fluent in it :)

Are you interested in learning it by chance??

One of the things I love about languages is that each one captures something different about the human mind, and idk in the moment my emotions just really wanted to be expressed in Greek! All I could think when I saw Oswald in that gifset was “σμικρος” (pronounces smeekros). “μικρος” means “small”, and adding the “s” at the beginning makes it this super cute diminutive. And then after that my brain just switched to Greek and it was the only way to communicate the rest of how I felt lol.

Ok I’m going to geek out about translating now I apologize in advance…

(I’m also going to embarrass myself a little here lol), but if you translate it literally, it says, “he is both very tiny and I love him the most! But god why! Ai! My heart grows because of great love!”

But ofc, every language has its own “vibes”, so if you “converted” it to English vibes, the translation is more accurate. So it’s more like: “he’s so small and cute and I love him so so much! Ahhhhh god why do I love him so much!! My hearting is melting because of it!”

But the vibes are still unique to the Greek, and it matches my brain-flow better, so that’s why my brain wrote it in Greek instead of just writing the paragraph above in English.

Ok this post is getting super long but I can’t stop talking, so I’m going to put some Greek details under the cut, but no pressure to read it if you don’t find it interesting! /gen

Hope what I said all made sense! Thanks for letting me blabber on about

Greek! :) <3 This made me so so happy!!

“τε… τε και” can be translated as “both...and”, but “και...και”  is also used to say “both...and”. So “τε… τε και” is more like “this one thing! But also this other thing!”

and by putting “ο” (“he”) before the “τε” (which you wouldnt do with “και”), you can really emphasize the subject

Ofc there’s “σμικρος” instead of “small”.

Another thing is that in English we say “very” and “the most”, but in Greek it’s “μαλα” and “μαλιστα”- so you’re like adding on an ending to the word to kinda show that overflowing feeling.

The “αλλα δια τι! αι!” is a very Ancient Greek exclamation that I love to use- it literally is just “but WHY! Ah!”, but using “αι” (ai) instead of the synonym “οιμοι” (oi moi) gives more a sense of shock than grievance.

“η καρδια μοι” is “my heart”, except “μοι” is more often used than “μου”- so instead of being “the heart of me”, it’s literally “the heart to me”, which gives me this more unique sense of possession that I really like.

In English, we would say “my heart melts for him”, but using “δια” as the “for” really creates a sense of cause (like “he’s the cause of my heart-melt”), which feels like a more powerful way of saying it.

But yeah basically all these little differences add up and makes it feel different than expressing the emotions in English!

Thanks for reading all the way through if you did!! I hope I didn’t annoy you and you enjoyed it! :)

[cavity-core]

Satisfying Salad

Chapter Seven

I post a lot of different stuff that is totally consumable for minors, but this space is not intended for minors, so if you fall in that category, please navigate it responsibly and respectfully... on that note.. keep scrolling to the next post kids. ^ ^

Despite the tag, this is not Kaebedo, I’m shipping Kaeya with the Fellflower because I’m an absolute psychopath... I call it crack but it’s my otp idk what’s wrong with me, cryo sugoi.

It is still updating but you can read the full fic here.

Wowow it’s Dorian. I mean Joserf. I hope I’m still posting these in the right order…

As the fake Albedo headed up to its office, blissfully ignorant of the hole it just dug Kaeya into, he wondered… would faking his own death be an appropriate way to up and leave the country? Whether Jean failed to catch onto that implication or whether she was just being polite was neither here nor there when Lisa had clearly picked up on the nuance of the whopper’s statement… or more specifically, who she believed to be Albedo. Albedo who would be returning to Mondstadt soon, very soon if what the mimic had told him yesterday was actually true; that he’d only returned one day early. How was he going to explain himself if word did make it back to Albedo via some circulating rumours, it was highly unlikely the alchemist would believe for a second that Kaeya had been completely fooled by some lookalike.

Worrying over how to deal with the consequences of his many poor decisions starting last night was how Kaeya spent most of his day. The guilt over the events of last night had also remained with him since the arrival of the whopper in his apartment once more, but the monster hadn't given much indication that it remembered anything more sordid about their encounter, and it had been heavily under the influence of alcohol that night. It seemed possible that it didn’t know what happened at all, which meant that maybe the both of them could simply forget about it all. Despite the heavy implications its comment in the hall had made, they could’ve meant anything as far as a WhopperFlower knew, right?

Since Jean hadn’t needed Kaeya in the office today, he’d instead decided to patrol around the outside of Mondstadt city. He didn’t have any particular leads regarding the Abyss Order or any suspicious treasure hoarder activity after having been so preoccupied with this impostor Albedo, and there weren’t any meetings scheduled for today at the Goth Hotel with the… foreign diplomats. Naturally there wasn’t a lot to see so close to the city walls though, and it wasn’t doing much in the way of helping take his mind off of things either. In the end, he’d ended up back in the city, entering through the path closest to the Angel’s Share without even thinking; it was nowhere near the end of his shift, but perhaps it would be worthwhile to see if anyone of note was hanging around.

Charles was the one who greeted him from the counter, it seemed Diluc wasn’t working at the moment. Since it was still early morning, there were far fewer customers and it was the middle of the week so he probably hadn’t headed back to the winery just yet. This time of day it was normal that he would still be upstairs, Diluc often worked the latest into the night. … still, his lack of presence really dulled the atmosphere.

“Did you run into the Traveller?” Charles asked as Kaeya stepped up towards the counter.

“The Traveller?” Kaeya reiterated. “I thought the Adventurer’s Guild was holding an event up on Dragonspine.”

“Yeah, I think they are,” Charles agreed, “but I heard the Traveller and Paimon were back in Mondstadt earlier this morning, I thought you might’ve bumped into them on your rounds.”

The Traveller was already back then, meaning the whopper’s alleged master had failed to remove at least one of his targets… unless the Traveller who showed up was a fake as well. How many WhopperFlowers with that level of mimicking capability could really exist though? Not that there was any way to check, the Traveller never hung around one place for very long and it was highly unlikely this would be any exception either. If he were to work under the assumption that was the real Traveller, especially having been accompanied by Paimon, that did put the whopper’s position at risk.

Leaving the fake in Albedo’s office for him to come back was definitely some kind of trap… but for who? It was just as likely for one or the other to be injured in that encounter should it turn violent, and why shouldn’t it? The whopper’s master had failed though, there was no reason for it to remain in Mondstadt any longer, so the easiest solution was to simply find it and inform it of this change of plans. He could only hope that interaction would go so smoothly…

“I see… Actually, there is something I could use their worldly input on,” Kaeya mused. “I’ll have to see if I can’t catch up before they make off again. I’ll see you tonight, Charles.” Kaeya excused himself from the tavern and set a brisk pace back to the Knights of Favonius headquarters. He had been away for a few hours but he hadn’t expected silence to greet him at the office door.

There was no answer to Kaeya’s knock. “Albedo~” he called instead. “It’s me..” Still no response. Vainly, he knocked again though with more urgency this time. Surely Albedo hadn’t already come back… even if he had, he couldn’t have disposed of the imposter that easily, could he? If he had though, wouldn’t that be good? Why was Kaeya so worried about it then? Why was he so nervous about what was on the other side of the door?

He held his breath as he pushed open the door, greeted by something closer to what he’d been expecting yesterday; books and papers pulled from their shelves and knocked from tables to litter the floor, and the impostor nowhere to be seen. Cursing under his breath, Kaeya paced across the room to the window. Surely the archons had blessed him today with the blonde head of hair he saw heading in the direction of the stairs down to the square, they must have missed each other coming from opposite directions… but he couldn’t tell from here which Albedo it was.

Moving swiftly away from the window, Kaeya shut the office door behind him and hurried back outside to pursue whichever Albedo he’d seen. The impostor most likely, as while he was heading along the overlooking railing he spotted him; Albedo, returning with two people from the camp near Dragonspine, which meant both Albedos were about to run into each other in the middle of the square.

Surely he received some strange looks as he suddenly sprinted over to the stairs, hopping the railing part way to catch up. By the time he could get close enough to grab the imposter, he was hidden beneath the shadow of the Cat’s Tail’s overhanging balcony. Kaeya could quite easily tell which Albedo this was by the immediate Cryo reaction, burning the exposed tips of his fingers and forearms where he grabbed it.

It continued struggling but it at least calmed down enough to ease off the elemental output when it heard Kaeya’s voice. After the initial shock and some reasoning, it seemed to calm down enough that Kaeya could let it speak… and announce to him that its master was here in Mondstadt. Kaeya’s first assumption was that it was the Albedo who had just walked in, it would make sense after all if they were trying to replace the original, but he was corrected and pointed instead to the man with them. A man Kaeya recognized as someone who had gone missing on Dragonspine. What would be the gain of looking like him— or was it the real deal? He had vanished for a long time… no, there was no sense in theorising wild conspiracies now.

If the whopper was so set on meeting with who it claimed to be its master, then Kaeya would gladly facilitate it. He was highly interested in finding out if this newcomer in the city was as dangerous as his affiliation with Albedo’s impostor implied. Kaeya was also curious if Albedo was aware either… but he was slightly less enthused about having to approach him now after all he’d done. In the meantime though, he needed to hide the whopper again. Not only was it unlikely to leave Mondstadt now that its master was here, but he’d need it to extract that information from this so-called master as well.

The whopper seemed to noticeably perk up when Kaeya suggested it stay in his apartment… whether it remembered or not, he should’ve probably been more concerned about the attachment it seemed to be developing. Kaeya only hoped that he wouldn’t return to his rooms in the same state Albedo’s office was left in… Albedo’s office would no doubt be found by the real one soon enough in its trashed state. Kaeya needed to hurry back to work.

He lead the whopper back to his apartment and locked up again in record time to set out on his search for the whopper’s master.. that is to say, the man who looked like Joserf, and somewhere to host their meeting… which would of course have to be the Angel’s Share.

There was still a chance that the WhopperFlower was wrong, that it had mistaken its master. Smarter than the average house plant didn’t boast much in the way of intelligence… That being said, on the chance that it was the wrong person, the whopper couldn’t show up looking just like Albedo. They’d have to make some changes to its appearance… he wasn’t sure how well it could conjure up unique appearances, or any other humans aside from Albedo, but he could at least do smaller things like… change the hairstyle perhaps, maybe change up its clothes? Kaeya didn’t own anything that would fit though.

Another pressing thought on his mind was, now that Albedo had returned, he may need to dispose of the whopper himself. So far it was quite docile, around him at least, but who knew if that would hold up around others, or for anyone should this meeting go south. Frankly, there were a lot of ways in which this meeting could go poorly, either one could lash out at the other or the whopper could have an adverse reaction to finding out its use has expired… possibly worse still if it turns out in its favour and the plan is still proceeding. The best case scenario might be getting the wrong man after all, but would the whopper insist on continuing to wait then? No, it couldn’t be left at that. Should that happen, they would have to confront Albedo about what happened on Dragonspine.

There was no need to start interrogating him yet, but Kaeya needed to ask Albedo about Josef’s whereabouts before he could get any farther in his plan. Albedo wasn’t at the alchemy bench so that meant he must have already returned to his office.. the trashed one. Hopefully Kaeya could casually play it off like he knew nothing about the incident as he’d been patrolling all day, and keep suspicions at bay for the time being regarding his involvement with the impostor. He was sure getting his leg work in today with all these trips up and down the stairs between the square and the Knights of Favonius headquarters.

Thankfully there was no one to stop him in the hallway this time either, and he was able to make a quick ascent to Albedo’s lab. Kaeya knocked twice before creaking the door open a little. “Oh, mister Chief Alchemist,~” he chimed as he leaned in.

Sure enough, Albedo was there, knelt on the floor where he was gathering the fallen books.

“Oh my, what happened here?” Kaeya asked, looking around as he feigned… some degree of surprise.

“I was about to ask you that,” he answered, he sounded tired.

“I’m afraid I’ve been out all day so I didn’t see anything,” Kaeya explained, looking around the room. “I could spare some time to help you clean up though.~”

“No need,” Albedo replied, shooting him down without missing a beat.

Kaeya suppressed a sigh, though he was used to this by now. “In that case, I did come here looking for you,” Kaeya continued.

“For work or leisure,” Albedo asked, not looking up from his organizing.

“Hmm, let’s call it curiosity,” Kaeya suggested, and Albedo did not suppress his sigh. He continued anyway. “I saw you returned from Dragonspine today with some company, who were they?”

Albedo finally paused and looked up to meet Kaeya’s gaze. “Joel from the camp and his father, Joserf. I believe you know of them,” he answered.

Kaeya raised his eyebrows. “Joserf,” he reiterated. “I thought that man was presumed dead.”

“So did I,” Albedo agreed, standing up with his books to begin slotting some back into the shelves.

“How fascinating,” Kaeya commented. “Are they moving into the city now?”

“I don’t know.” Albedo’s answers were getting more curt but it was hard to tell if he was being cagey or just getting tired of being pestered… at least it seemed like he hadn’t been confronted with any strange rumours yet.

“I’d be interested in hearing that man’s story, surviving so long up on Dragonspine and still making it back in one piece,” Kaeya mused. “Where is he staying now?”

“He was found on the mountain with no recollection, now he is spending time reuniting with his family. I suggest you refrain from bothering them.” There was some finality to Albedo’s words… it didn’t seem like he was interested in giving Kaeya any more information. Was that suspicious in itself or did Albedo just want him out of his hair?

“I see, then I’ll let you get back to your cleaning,” Kaeya excused himself. He’d probably made himself out to be unnecessarily suspicious in that interaction, but he could just as easily be read as having an interest in what strange newcomers were entering the city for its safety. It was only a matter of time before stories began failing to line up among the townspeople who already witnessed Albedo returning from Dragonspine the day before though.

The alchemist’s reluctance to divulge much about Joserf’s whereabouts did little to hinder Kaeya’s search. Of course Albedo’s account would have brought him the fastest results had he been willing to share, but the Chief Alchemist alone did not have the authority to move someone into Mondstadt. Other administrative figures should be in the know too, if not Jean then Katheryn. Kaeya would find a way to his information, he always did.

Judging by what he’d seen of them entering the city, Kaeya was doubtful that they had stopped to speak with Katheryn. His best bet was asking around here and seeing what he could find out from the knights then moving on to see who was still about at the Adventurers Guild headquarters and what they knew of the rescuing of this man who, as far as anyone knew, was supposed to be dead. The conspiracies could wait though, for now he wanted to ask Jean about where their lodgings were so he could approach Joserf himself.

Jean didn’t stir much from her work when Kaeya opened the door, seemingly too engrossed in whatever papers she was pouring over at her desk to notice him entering. “Knock, knock, master Jean~ I hope I’m not disturbing you too much,” he announced himself with a lightly teasing lilt.

“Ah, Captain Kaeya,” she looked up immediately when he addressed her. “No, no, don’t worry, I just got too focused is all. Did you need something?”

“I was wondering if you knew anything about the man Albedo brought back from Dragonspine, Joserf,” Kaeya explained. “I hear he and his son are supposed to be staying in Mondstadt.”

“Yes, that’s right,” She confirmed with a small nod. “The accommodations are quite temporary at the moment though, I don’t think they’re planning to stay in the city for too long. Why do you ask?”

Kaeya shook his head. “Oh, nothing. I was merely interested in hearing his tale, he was thought to be dead after all. How he managed to stay alive in the harsh conditions of Dragonspine sounds very interesting, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I… guess it does,” she agreed slowly, though sparing Kaeya a suspicious glance.

“Oh, come now, don’t look at me like that. It’s true, I’m genuinely curious,” he insisted. “Besides, if he’s been trapped up in the mountains all this time, what better way to unwind back into society than an evening at the Angel’s Share?”

Jean scoffed softly at him. “Alright, alright. This is the address, but they only have a room there,” she explained, scribbling the information on a slip of paper and sliding it across the desk for Kaeya. She kept her hand on it a moment longer as he reached for it. “Don’t be too hard on him, an experience like that was difficult for him, I’m sure.”

“Of course.~” Kaeya took the paper from her with a smile and slipped it into his coat. “I should be getting back to work then, don’t strain yourself today.” Jean waved him and his nagging off as he stepped back out the door, pulling the address out again as he closed it. They both knew he wasn’t going back to his patrol before he’d finished exploring this little mystery, so he made straight for the location on the paper… while also pointedly avoiding the street facing window of Albedo’s office. He didn’t want to draw excessive suspicion right now.

The place was in the suburbs as expected, though still upper town as it was an actual ground level home as opposed to the kind of apartment style homes where Kaeya lived. Even though he was told that they only had a temporary room here, it was Joserf himself who answered the door when Kaeya knocked. The owner of the house must’ve been at work, but that conveniently saved Kaeya a few steps in his plan.

“Hello… can I help you? If you’re here looking for the master of the house he’s working over at—“

“No, no,” Kaeya cut him off. “I came to see you, Joserf,” he clarified.

“Oh… Do we know each other? Forgive me, I’ve had some severe memory problems since my return from Dragonspine,” Joserf explained.

“I see, so it’s just as the Chief Alchemist said,” Kaeya mused. That fact didn’t remove suspicion though, if anything it added to it. “Not to worry, we didn’t particularly know each other. I am Kaeya Alberich, the Cavalry Captain of the Knight of Favonius, a pleasure to make your acquaintance again.” He held out his hand and Joserf shook it sheepishly.

“Yes, likewise Captain.”

“Now then, I came to ask if you would join me tonight at the Angel’s Share.”

“The Angel’s Share? That’s the tavern, isn’t it?”

“That’s right,” Kaeya replied. “I have a friend who’s been dying to chat with you since your return.”

“Really?” He seemed surprised. “Ah.. I really don’t remember anything, I’m afraid they’ll probably be disappointed.”

“Perhaps, but this particular friend believes this meeting might jog a memory or two, so do join us this evening.”

Joserf frowned thoughtfully. “Jog my memories…? Well, I guess it could be worth a shot,” he finally agreed.

“Wonderful, then we’ll meet you outside the tavern tonight.~”

Everything was falling smoothly into place, regardless of Albedo’s reluctance to offer him any information. Kaeya’s progress had hardly faltered… but now he had to get back to his real job, catching up on the work he’d been slacking off on while he was distracted by Joserf’s appearance in Mondstadt and the real Albedo’s return. That is to say, he was running a bit later than he’d meant to be by the time he was finally clocking out for the day and heading back to his apartment where he could stop wondering if the whopper had stayed put like he’d instructed.

That troubling question was quickly answered by the faint aroma that greeted him the moment he unlocked his front door, only growing stronger as he moved closer to his bedroom. The familiar fragrance from last night made it quite clear that the whopper was still in the apartment… but didn’t it also mean that it was… well… There it was curled up on his bed half as dressed as Kaeya had left it, staring back at him wide eyed and flustered.

“K-Kaeya I—“ It stuttered out, cheeks only pinking more.

“I’ve arranged our meeting with your so-called master, we really… should be heading out as soon as possible…” Kaeya trailed off realizing they wouldn’t be getting out of the apartment on time when the whopper cut in.

“I’m sorry, I was bad! I didn’t wanna wear the clothes, and I tried to take them off, and it was too hot, and I— I…” it stuttered to a stop, tears on its cheeks. “Don’t send me back yet, I have to see— I… y-you’re.. gonna let me meet master?” It asked, sitting up a little but still keeping a hand wedged firmly between its legs.

Kaeya sighed, looking over the state of the mimic on his bed. “Well, you certainly can’t go like that,” he commented, which only prompted the WhopperFlower’s waterworks to start back up again.

“I’m sorry, I tried to be good!” It sniffled. “But I… I have to meet master, otherwise.. he’ll throw me away.”

“I never said we weren’t going,” Kaeya sighed, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “There’s no need to get so worked up.”

“But you said—“

“I know what I said,” Kaeya cut in. “Come over here before I think better of this..” he muttered. He had so many reservations about all this until now, and yet here he was… did the whopper’s pheromones really have such an intense effect on humans?

Kaeya remained facing the wall so he did not see the mimic get up but he felt the mattress dip as it moved across the bed towards him, making its proximity clear with a hand placed gingerly on Kaeya’s shoulder. “I… I couldn’t take them off,” it admitted softly.

“Stand up in front of me,” Kaeya instructed. He assumed that by ‘them’ the whopper meant its bottoms as they were among the few clothing articles it was still wearing. As he had come to expect, the whopper was still highly obedient to Kaeya’s instructions now and crawled off the bed to assume its position standing before him, worrying the hem of its shirt with both hands as it waited for Kaeya to do something.

Kaeya brushed the mimic’s hands away from where they were slightly covering its straining erection as well as of course its fly, flicking the button open and slowly dragging the zipper down. “Tsk, look at what a mess you’ve made,” Kaeya teased, glancing up at the whopper’s flushed and teary face, an entirely foreign expression on Albedo’s features. He tapped lightly on the obvious dark spot that had formed in the front of its leggings where its arousal had soaked the fabric. “You won’t be able to wear these pants.” Perhaps having the whopper wear only its shorts would help a little in concealing its identity? Probably not, but Kaeya was interested in seeing what Albedo’s body would look like so underdressed regardless.

He pulled the shorts all the way off and coaxed the mimic to step out of them, the leggings however, he left on. The thinner, elastic fabric giving way to the lewd outline of the whopper’s erection straining against the damp fabric. Kaeya brought his hand up to rub his fingers over the twitching silhouette, earning himself a gasp from the mimic, its fidgeting hands immediately seeking purchase on Kaeya’s shoulders instead. “T-take them off.”

“But they’re already a mess anyway,” Kaeya pointed out, still squeezing and rubbing its length through the fabric. “Why bother?~”

The whopper whimpered, its hips still pressing forwards into Kaeya’s hand… still clearly enjoying the activity despite its complaints. Technically it was wrong to use creatures like this for sexual pleasure but… it seemed clear as day to Kaeya that this creature was nothing if not consenting. The alcohol may have influenced it the first time but now it clearly had its own interest in the activity… or had Kaeya merely conditioned it? At the end of the day though, it was still happy to do it regardless… so was it really such a big deal?

Apparently Kaeya’s pace had slowed while he wandered off on that train of thought because he was snapped back out of it when his wrist was suddenly grabbed with a vice grip and yanked towards the whopper’s crotch. This wasn’t the first time it had shown aggression when it came to soliciting sexual acts from Kaeya but he continued to brush it off for now, pulling the mimic closer by its ass and kneading the flesh though the leggings while his other had continued to work it’s dick against the fabric.

“Ah… Kaeya.. more..” it groaned, leaning heavily against his shoulders, legs trembling and breath heavy. The sweet scent of pheromones seemed to come off it in waves and Kaeya had to fight the urge to let himself be swept away by them.

It was early enough that the neighbouring apartments were probably still empty as their inhabitants were likely out getting dinner at this time, so it wasn’t such an issue when the whopper got louder. Last night Kaeya hadn’t been able to really relish the sounds of Albedo’s voice making these lewd noises at the mercy of Kaeya’s hands… then again, he couldn’t exactly allow himself to fully enjoy it this time either, not when they both had somewhere to be. Kaeya had always been so punctual before this too.

The resistance on his palm was growing as the fabric continued to grow wetter beneath it, no longer allowing him to glide easily against the dry fibers. Now they dragged against his skin thanks to the thorough soaking of precum they’d endured from Kaeya’s ministrations on the moaning and whimpering mimic.

“Come on now, we’re running out of time,” Kaeya coaxed, the side of his head rested against the whopper’s stomach as he looked up due to their proximity. “Cum for me, little plant, so we can go to see your master.~”

Its grip tightened on Kaeya’s shoulders as it really did finish, almost on command, cum beading and dribbling through the fabric where it failed to be absorbed. “Hm, right on cue,”

Kaeya hummed while the whopper came shivering down from its orgasm. “Good job, little plant.~” He could feel its dick still in his hand twitching out a few more drops. Was it the praise or the pet name it had a particular affinity for?

The leggings had at least absorbed the mess they’d have had to deal with otherwise, definitely cutting their time down. “Let’s get you out of these now,” Kaeya finally said, willing his own hard on down. Of course the whopper was incredibly compliant when it came to being allowed to take off more of its clothes, though it was still muffling whimpers as Kaeya peeled the soiled bottoms down and off, clearly still sensitive after their little activity.

It really did have a different feel to it… seeing Albedo standing with his bare, pale legs peeking between the hem of his shorts and the tops of his boots, the smooth skin which Kaeya knew from experience now was ever so soft to the touch. How was this somehow more erotic than just seeing him naked!? Kaeya needed to calm down… the whopper was dressed now, it just needed a few extra touches.

The cloak Kaeya pulled from his own closet to drape over its shoulders dragged on the ground thanks to the height difference, meaning that it unfortunately covered the deliciously exposed thighs… which was probably for the best. The removal of its braids and ponytail also made a striking enough difference to its appearance in helping it to look less like Albedo. They were similar, but it did not seem at all outlandish to declare they were different people now.

Its eyes were still a little puffy from crying but it was presentable. “Looks like we’re ready to go,” Kaeya commented, dusting his hands together. This meeting could end in its removal from Mondstadt… or even death. Kaeya had been steeling himself for this all day, even the mimic seemed quieter and more nervous with the knowledge of the impending meeting.

Despite its earlier eagerness, it took Kaeya’s arm around its shoulders propelling it forward before it started moving by itself. When they’d first met, the whopper had tensed at his touch, but now it almost seemed to lean into him. Was this comparable to accidentally domesticating a wild animal you took in? Not that Kaeya could necessarily claim that this monster was domesticated.

“What’s the matter, weren’t you quite eager to see your master earlier?” Kaeya asked as they headed out of the apartment, in an attempt to lift the tense silence.

“I have to meet my master, that is the next step of the plan,” it answered. Its words were a bit mumbled but its tone sounded matter of fact nonetheless.

“Why so nervous then?~”

The mimic was quiet for a moment, slowing enough to pose some resistance against Kaeya’s arm which was still pushing it forward. “The.. plan didn’t go right…” it slowly answered. “Master might throw me away after all…”

What did a WhopperFlower really have to lose in that scenario though? “Would you not simply return to your life on Dragonspine?” Kaeya asked, but he was only met with hunched shoulders and silence; a silence that continued for the remainder of their walk across town.

Regardless of where Kaeya put his arm or hand, he wasn’t able to physically distance himself from the mimic once they were outside again this time, it remained stuck close to his side with one hand going as far as gripping the fabric of his jacket to ensure he didn’t move away. Hopefully its vaguely altered appearance would be enough that no one mistook it for Albedo while the alchemist was actively in the city. The whopper’s silence had set an oddly tense atmosphere despite the peaceful evening air and gentle colours of the sunset still faintly painted the sky though it was quickly darkening.

When they were about a block from the tavern the mimic suddenly perked up and moved a more respectable distance from Kaeya. As they drew closer he noticed that Joserf was already standing outside. “Put your hood on until we’re in private,” he told the whopper softly, who obliged without a word.

“I hope you weren’t waiting long for us,” Kaeya greeted while his companion seemed to half hide behind him.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Joserf assured him. “I have to get back home to Joel soon though,” he added.

“No need to worry, I think this meeting should be rather quick,” Kaeya assured him with a quick smile. “Let’s head inside then.”

He led the way through the door and right up to the counter, motioning Diluc over as he leaned an arm against the surface. “We could use some privacy for this meeting.~”

Diluc took a key from under the counter and pressed it into Kaeya’s waiting hand. “Don’t make a mess up there,” he grumbled.

“Of course not.”

Obviously they wouldn’t be able to openly discuss this topic so a private room could be a necessary precaution to convince the whopper’s supposed master to reveal his identity. “Let’s head upstairs, we can talk alone there,”

Kaeya addressed his party now instead as he headed for the second floor. The key was to the door that led to the attic stairs where Diluc often stayed the night since a trip all the way back to Dawn Winery was far too long only to return again the next day.

Joserf’s lack of reaction to the whopper’s presence seemed to embolden it again… or do the opposite. Either way, it was gradually closing the space between it and Kaeya again as they went. There wasn’t much furniture in the attic despite it being rather spacious, it was only really used for sleeping after all. “My apologies, we’ll have to stand.”

“I have to admit, I thought we were going out for a drink,” Joserf said. “Now I’m a little nervous, what is this about?”

“My friend here says he knows you,” Kaeya explained, guesting to the whopper as it pulled its hood down.

“Yes, you did mention that but like I said my memory…” he trailed off, staring down at the whopper for a few moments. “There is something oddly familiar about him.”

“Well, he may bare some resemblance to the alchemist but that’s—“

“Now that you mention it, he does, but… no, that’s not quite it.” He shook his head.

“Master… you don’t remember me? You came back for the plan, right? So that we can do the next step. I’ve been doing everything just like you told me…”

“Hold on,” Joserf interrupted, raising his hands. “Master? I don’t know anything about that, or any plans.”

The whopper’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, glancing between Kaeya and Joserf. “It’s okay, Captain Kaeya is nice. He helped me and taught me a lot, so you can trust him,” it assured him.

“It’s… not that I don’t trust him, it’s just that I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Joserf replied sheepishly. “I’m sorry, maybe it’s just my memory gaps, but I think you have the wrong person.” He took a step back towards the door. “I should be getting back now, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be of more help.”

“But master—“

“That’s alright,” Kaeya replied. “We’re sorry to have wasted your time.” Despite Joserf’s quick departure, Kaeya didn’t get the sense that he was lying. He could try and pry the man more for information but the news would likely get back to Albedo if he were to do that… it might anyway. Whether that was the whopper’s master or not, Kaeya felt inclined to believe his claims of memory loss. After all, he had still found it familiar beyond its physical similarities to Albedo.

Joserf left down the stairs leaving Kaeya alone in the room with the now dejected looking mimic. “If that really was your master, he doesn’t seem to remember you at all,” he commented, “what will you do now?”

“I don’t understand… why doesn’t master remember?”

Albedo had been cagey regarding information on Joserf, could he have been behind the altered memories? “If he doesn’t remember then you’re free to do what you like, aren’t you?” Kaeya pointed out. “I’ll even take you back to Dragonspine.” Could he wash his hands of this mess at last?

For some reason that suggestion only made the whopper look even more miserable. “What if master is in trouble?”

Kaeya heaved a resigned sigh and took a seat on the edge of Diluc’s bed. “Your master, if that is who he is, has a quiet life with his son now. If he’s living peacefully among the citizens of Mondstadt, maybe he doesn’t want to stir anything up now.”

“Master helped me become smarter and stronger, he taught me to walk and speak like humans so that I could blend in… so I could do it too, right? I can also be good and live a quiet life in Mondstadt with Kaeya, until my master needs me again.”

Kaeya raised his eyebrows at the whopper’s declaration. “With me? Didn’t it occur to you that I only used you to gather information on the situation,” he asked, as the mimic moved across the small room, rapidly closing the space between them again. “Don’t you think you’ve trusted me a little too easily—“ he was cut off by the whopper’s hands pressed firmly on his shoulders and its lips pressed boldly to his own.

“Kaeya taught me, helped me and made me feel good…” it muttered against his mouth. “I want to stay with you.”

Kaeya sat stunned with his hands at his sides. How did it get to this point? Did WhopperFlowers even have the capacity for emotions and attachments like this?? If he couldn’t force it to leave and he couldn’t convince it to leave… what was he supposed to do with it? How was he supposed to keep this secret from the rest of Mondstadt? Approaching Albedo for his help was seemingly his only option now.