#idk just the way everything was described. ugh! the shame!!

[rubberbandballqueen]

hgnnghh... college friend has been asking me questions abt adhd n how to get diagnosed n stuff recently, which i'm more than happy to help him with, but just now he sent a tik tok that was like "maybe i should ask abt this too?" n it was like "why do adhd people seem to crush so hard" n it was like.

now listen i haven't had a serious romantic feeling since i was in middle school, but the description in that tik tok literally dragged the memory of all that out of my chest n i just said to him "haha yep... that's accurate my dude" as though it hadn't just described what was easily one of my top ten "do not ever repeat this again" experiences of my life

[welcome-to-the-end-of-eras]

Live Reading: The Mars House by Natasha Pulley

Some initial (spoiler-free) observations for now:

1.) desperately missing the style of publication from twofs and tbs, book covers that come off are my biggest opp

2.) Edward Cullen lookin ass cover I kinda love it

3.) absolutely love the fact that The Bedlam Stacks is officially part of the Watchmaker series even though Mori is in like 3 scenes, he’s so powerful

Off the bat, it's really interesting to see the way January interacts with what is our present like it's something ancient. The way he describes the "ruins" of London and various places around that people today may even live in, as if it's centuries old. Idk what year this takes place in but I feel like it's going to be like 2030 or some shit lmao

I already read the leaked chapter so I'm just going to skip it, all in all though I like January so far. He's a little less...I don't want to say compelling, but he doesn't have as much of a distinctive personality off the bat as Valery or even Flint, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing. Plus he's like. Actively in crisis, so I'm going to give him a pass

He does have the gen Z tendency for nihilism tho, moreso than the other mc's, and I really like it

Oh wait no he's not even gen Z he's like. Gen Theta??? This is farther into the future than I thought, which is good bc it was a lil depressing to think it was this close to the present and everything was flooded (I mean we're still boned but I was expecting the time period to be like. A very likely 2027 or something.)

I honestly really like the way January isn't content with the small things in his life that make him miserable like the other mc's. He's a Complainer. He's literally me-

"It was fine as icing sugar." ??? Girl are we getting some freaky future ghost shit again??? Please???

I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T DO THIS I CAN'T-

MORI AND DAUGHTER??? I'M GOING TO PASS AWAY-

I will be crying about this forever

Six taking over the shop but keeping her dad's name attatched...BEING CANON??? We STAY winning

"There are moments when you come so close to another future you can taste the air in the courtroom." GIRL SHUT THE FUCK UP RESPECTFULLY I'M ABOUT TO START SCREAMING-

Wait these exoskeleton things sound cool as fuck, I wonder how hard it would be to make one for cosplay purposes??? Probably pretty tricky (and knowing myself I would never finish it) but it still seems really fun to make

Damn he's really scared of not wearing that thing, my poor baby :((( ugh I really do like him a lot so far

Ohhh wait I thought wearing the suit was to protect him, not to protect others??? I misread

But he's still really that scared of hurting anyone else :((( he's my baby I've decided

I feel like I'm not going to like Gale much off the bat bc they're going to be rude to him, but I'm sure I'll grow to like them more. I mean I didn't much care for Shenkov off the bat but I adore him now so

Not to get Prentious-English-Major-y, but it seems like a running theme in this book is getting over the shame of taking up space in the world. January is constantly being reminded that he needs to stay in his place and not cause trouble for others, and it's so engrained into him that he can't help but panic over a simple mistake that could've been corrected with a gentle warning. But it also wasn't a gentle warning; the guy in the elevator fucking yelled at him!!! Immediately!!! I get the notion that it was a matter of safety for him, but January was far away from and couldn't have possibly hurt him, and he still yelled. Coming from the lense of a queer man, it's very reflective of the homophobic idea that queer people can't even be trusted in public because they're "sexual deviants" and the like, or even going back to the 80s when people thought that AIDS was transmitted through just skin-to-skin contact. Idk. Food for thought.

Honestly??? The way his thoughts keep circling back to the way everyone was horrified of him on the elevator is the most accurate way I've ever seen someone describe anxiety attacks

What tf is up with the pink elephants??? New tattoo idea just dropped???

Ooo interesting monetary system for the trains. I went into Boston to get my copy and they started doing a similar thing on the green line (the only train system that runs above ground, so they can't really stop people from not paying to get on) and it kind of reminds me of that. It's definitely not that similar, but it's enough that I made the connection

Creepy Government Programs Meant To Completely Cripple Minorities Just So They Can Access Slightly Worse Basic Rights They Should Already Have...totally not realistic...haha...not at all...

Only a year??? January...buddy...you've been here for 600 days...

Oh wait no I just looked it up, a year on Mars is actually about 687 days, nvm, fuck me I guess

The whole conundrum of naturalizing vs just using the cage is vvv interesting, and is also reminiscent of the way disabled people are encouraged by society (and warned by medical professionals) to undergo drastic surgeries to cure their disability

Damn so going on the train cost him a half hour of work??? That's kinda nuts. Although if it's a longer distance train it's not as bad, but it seems like it just went from one part of the city to the other

Oh??? Hello??? He has a crush on his boss??? Honestly she sounds like a milf I don't blame him-

I feel like the release button of his suit being over his heart is going to be important and dramatic and it's going to make me cry

Idk how to word this properly but like. January being motivated to eat more and train for ballet again bc he's just overall happier with Gale may just (happily) destroy me, the same way tlfop describes Thaniel getting a lot stronger over the course of four years bc he's eating more and started boxing and that, but I feel like it'll be different bc him being married to Gale will offer him the privilege to do that kind of thing while others aren't awarded the freedom

The group physical therapy before work is kinda nuts, we should honestly do that at my job too

Honestly the way they're describing these work suits is kind of a serve, especially with the cool skeleton lookin thing around it, that would make such a fun cosplay

Senator Gale in the mix too!!! Vvv excited, even though I know January is going to do some fuckshit on tv with them

I KNOW January is pretty af I know it in my soul

"Great power to be had from ogling." I'm love Val sm-

Love that she included how to pronounce Mx bc it always throws me for a loop. Also...McWang??? Girl-

I really do not know what I expected from the woman who managed to get the word "octopussy" in three of her books

"...so that he wouldn't think about how much he would have loved to see someone shove Audrey bloody Gale off a cooling tower." DAWG-

He really fuckin hates them wow, their public persona must suck

Oh also random thought I forgot to include a bit earlier, but is it like. Genuinely illegal to assume people's gender in this society??? That's kinda based actually. Fox News would have a field day. "ThIs Is CoNfIrMaTiOn Of ThE fUtUrE tHeSe LiBeRaLs ArE lOoKiNg FoR." Ugh I hope someone shows them, that would be fucking hilarious (obviously no one should tho bc I sincerely believe there are some idiotic people who would start sending Natasha death threats over it and I don't want that).

"...and do everyone a favour by turning immediately into goo." Jesus fucking Christ dude-

I hope January beats the shit out of some of these people I really do-

Hehe puffweens

Ooo the Mars citizens fashion seems fun

"Thirteen year olds were, of course, terrifying monsters..." thirteen year olds are extremely lame when you get to know them but I do get the anxiety (I say as someone who worked with them for over 5 years)

He doesn't want to scare anyone :(((

First he's comparing Gale to the devil, and now he's saying they look like a god??? Make up your mind dude

"He followed the news like a bloodhound when it came to Gale." My good bitch you are so definitely into them-

The fact that Val has to bribe January with chocolate to not throw a brick at Gale is so...I'm love them so much

[compassionatereminders]

Hey Kate I hope you feel better soon 🧡

I guess just a vent post, validation for these emotions i have.

probably last year I realised how bad my loneliness is. Being someone who was always surrounded by people, having things happening that I didn't realise until now. I haven't ever been in a relationship for 25 years. To be fair it never bothered me much until now? I realised how badly I also want to be seen as a priority for someone. Just once. I used to put people, friends as a priority but I wasn't ever happy with how much I got back. I learned and grew some harsh lessons. My only friends I dont really see much at all now because everyone is busy in their life, mostly have their romantic relationships or so.

It sucks because I noticed a change, things ain't the same anymore. I miss how times were like before. It made me realise how much I also crave to be wanted romantically (I always had but never felt the urge?) Until now. Its to the point where I feel resentment with people. I know I feel spiteful, probably because of my lack of ever knowing how it feels to be loved pursued and wanted romantically.

Sometimes I've had comments from friends which made me feel it more, like people almost think somethings wrong with me. I remember a friend mentioned how idk how you survive without anyone, which, I was taken aback by. I have no issues being with my self, I can be content with my own company. Its just the lifelong loneliness that people like me have who never got to experience "love". Its hard to explain to people bc truthfully they don't get it, not when they can't last being single. Ugh lol idk I guess it just hits when you think of everything combined, comments and it really makes you think. I had to stop speaking to a friend during my mental health not being the greatest, I just couldnt stay in contact all the time, it felt draining. Which I expressed truthfully and she respected it. But she had gotten into a relationship and it felt like I heard less about her anyways since. Its like the same cycle with people around me, I truly feel friendships are just as important as other relationships. Because of all different things happening, plus this, I just grew resentment. I acknowledge its not the most healthy thing, but for once I'm allowing myself to feel something negative? No one talks about how feeling jealously is really like, its still an emotion. But viewed negatively. I wish people spoke more on it so I could feel less bad about the way I feel, so I dont keep pushing people away afraid of my own feelings.

Whew. Idk if I'll get a response back but it felt good releasing it. Thank you for giving the space

To be honest I totally get the frustration you describe and I honestly don't blame you for struggling with this situation. Feeling unloved and like no one you care about is prioritizing you is really fucking painful and there's no shame in that. I don't have an obvious solution for you, but I get it and I'm sending all my love.

[terrainofheartfelt]

The Derena Breakup(s) Album, A Playlist

was going through it a couple weeks ago, apparently, so I made this playlist. It is very sad. I've no excuse. idk I think I'm most drawn to the tragedy of them? I guess? anyways: Here is the youtube link.

image sources: (X)(X)(X)

track listing & color commentary under the cut:

Little Bit of Love - Kesha We begin our journey in the last handful of episodes of season 1. Desperately Seeking Serena vibes.

Babe, I know that's it's late, I know that I'm drunk / I haven't had a night like this in months

Into Your Arms - The Maine I'm fallin' in love / But it's fallin' apart

I Need My Girl - The National Surface level it’s a love song, but it sounds so...sad.

There's some things that I should never / Laugh about in front of family / I tried to call you from the party / It's full of punks and cannonballers

Plain Sailing Weather - Frank Turner I titled this thing “derena sads” in my spotify library, and this is why. This song is just, ugh, the foyer scene in 1x17. Very few lyrics make me lose my mind as much as the bridge of this song:

Of laying down the bare facts / Like a burden I can't bear / And I can almost find the words / But I can see the way you'd /Fold your hands, speak my name like a curse upon your pretty lips / The pressured white behind your fingertips

Yesterday - The Beatles Love was such an easy game to play / Now I need a place to hide away

Songs for Teenagers - as done by The Gaslight Anthem It's a shame, all the ways we build ourselves up / Just to let each other down

Let It Go - James Bay When we're becoming something else / I think it's time to walk away

The Scientist - Coldplay Very cliche of me I know, but it’s my playlist I do what I want

Questions of science, science and progress / Do not speak as loud as my heart

The Harold Song - Kesha Apart from being an absolute banger, this is Extra in that teen first breakup kinda way

Young love murder, that is what this must be

Bruised - Jack’s Mannequin It’s just because it’s mutual doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Maybe the context isn’t directly relatable, but the emotion definitely is

Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes / That I am not there / I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this / Like every inch of me is bruised

drivers license - Olivia Rodrigo Do you - do you think Dan helped Serena practice for her drivers exam (bc Lily wouldn’t) or are you normal?

I know we weren't perfect / But I've never felt this way for no one / And I just can't imagine / How you could be so okay now that I'm gone

Good in Bed - Dua Lipa Obligatory song for the Hamptons and post-Hamptons summer hookups: "You sure that's your heart you're following?"

In the long nights where we did everything but talk it through

Yeah, we don't know how to talk / But damn, we know how to fuck

Come Under the Covers - Walk the Moon The realizing that they’re not going to last past the summer. The elevator break-up.

(Summer is over) / And I can feel the cold changing us inside

The Moon She Has a Jealous Eye - J. Small “I still -” / “I know” are we having fun yet?

How are you supposed to act in these sorts of situations? / The truth is / Tears and hysterics would feel more humane

Uncharted - Sara Bareilles That uncertainty before the first day of school bc they have literally no idea of how to be exes

This is no broken heart / No familiar scars / This territory goes uncharted

Left Handed Kisses - Andrew Bird feat. Fiona Apple they are BAD at being exes

The point your song here misses / Is that if you really loved me / You'd risk more than a few 50 cent / Words in your backhanded love song

Reminder - Mumford & Sons I wasn’t sure how to describe this for a while bc it was just a vibe but oh wait, it’s 2x13

So watch the world tear us apart / A stoic mind and bleeding heart / You never see my bleeding heart

Love on the Rocks - Sara Bareilles s2b weirdness

Here's a simplification of everything we're going through / You plus me is bad news

I Don’t Want to Know - Fleetwood Mac I don't want to stand between you and love / Honey, I just want you to feel fine

Breaking Up Slowly - Lana del Rey It's hard to bе lonely, but it's the right thing to do

April Come She Will - Simon & Garfunkel This playlist came to be bc this song came over my shuffle and it sent me into a Derena Sads spiral. Whoops.

A love once new has now grown old

The Last Time (Taylor’s Version) - tswift feat. Gary Lightbody the backslide ballad. obviously Serena is Gary’s voice and Dan is Taylor’s

And you open your eyes into mine / And everything feels better … You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

champagne problems - tswift Apart from the lyrics below, the imagery of the chorus reminds me of the sudsnewsletter analysis that talks about how Serena is always elevated above Dan on the staircase, never coming down to him. Idk.

"She would've made such a lovely bride / What a shame she's fucked in the head," they said / But you'll find the real thing instead / She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Tell Tale Signs - Frank Turner This track is the reason I’m tagging this post with a self-harm mention warning. Skip it if you need to. Big sads indeed. Y’all knew what this was

You will always be a part / Of my patched up, patchwork, taped up, tape deck heart

coney island - tswift feat. The National I have many feelings about dan humphrey singing with that Matt Berninger vocal fry…

And do you miss the rogue / Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul / When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

Nobody Wins - Brian Fallon I guess we’re never gonna end up the lucky ones

Old Flames - Frank Turner feat. Billy the Kid They’re really bad at being exes.

But do you remember back when we were young and unformed? / It was all so much easier to give of yourself, to fall in love

Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles Line after line, the words just left to remind / The two of us, oh, what we could have been / Poetry by dead men

This Colourless Role - Susan O’Neill it's a little bit... "you were the love of my life, Dan. I just thought I was yours." but like, Dan POV

You like what is black / I what is white / Somewhere in the middle / The gray part feels right

I’ve lost my mind / but you / still think we shine

First Love - Adele Forgive me, first love, but I'm too tired

Planets of the Universe - Fleetwood Mac I will never love again the way I loved you / You will never rule again the way you've ruled

It’s Too Late - Carole King There'll be good times again for me and you / But we just can't stay together, don't you feel it, too / Still I'm glad for what we had and how I once loved you

The Conversation - Motion City Soundtrack I had a pocket full of dreams / But I gave them all to you / Now I think I want them back

Stomach - Aly & AJ I just can't stomach being your ex-wife / All these memories, they don't feel like mine

21 Days - Brian Fallon Call it breaking a habit / Call it falling out of love

Clean - as performed by Sara Bareilles let’s just extend that metaphor from the last song shall we? With Sara, because she’s just a better vocalist.

The drought was the very worst / When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst

happiness - tswift the! fitzgerald! references! Also: dappled with the flickers of light from the dress I wore at midnight - !!! literally the cotillion dress!

All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness / You haven't met the new me yet / And I think she'll give you that

[fallingin-like]

an aftg fanfic appreciation post

the other day at work i saw something about fanfiction writer appreciation day and told myself “ah i will make a post when i get home” and immediately Did Not Do That. so i’m doing it now! first, thank you to everyone who writes fanfiction! it’s such an honour to be able to read your writing and i am so grateful to the writers who spend so much time and effort into creating these stories. i do not deserve such amazing content and yet i have it. also thanks to nora for this wonderful series which has changed my life in so many ways. 

these are in no particular order. i really tried to tone down my ‘i love you so much and really want to be friends with you’ vibe but i don’t think it worked. this is a super long post and i still didn’t get to say everything i wanted to.

some  fics/series that need more love (aka they have under 350 kudos)

to the south by Morcai - this is a series (never to be caught and secret, safe, close to the door) that was really cool to read. it has elements of the Iskryne Series which i don’t know anything about, but apparently has to do with bondwolves. basically, neil has a wolfbrother who he can speak to telepathically which is written in a really unique way, through interesting phrases and scent-based nicknames for people. i’ve never read anything like these fics and i adore them

all that we see or seem by rorschachs - an inception au. need i say more? this fic flows well, has good use of flashbacks, and an amazing ending. it’s ~23,000 words but feels like much less due to nice pacing and an interesting take on this au

Travelers by @sunrise-and-death ​ - a series (Placeless Destination and Moving Towards) that’s a soulmate au. soulmates can interact through a pyschic bond that allows it to seem like the other person is there with them. neil and andrew meet when they are young and it’s so interesting seeing them get to know each other at this age. we also get to see some neil/mary angst and all of the terrible things happen to andrew. an intense series that manages to feel light-hearted at the same time. the second fic in this series is incomplete

atlas by @purearcticfire ​ / @pipedream-truths ​ - a magic au that features shapeshifters and a cursed neil, so immediately you know i’ll like it. this fic has some cool uses of italics, caps, spacing, etc. that creates a stylized story that helps build tone and gives the story a clearer voice. unfortunately, i can’t tell too much detail about my favourite parts because it they are *ultra spoilers* so i’ll just say, it gets so intense at the end. just trust me about this. ao3 says it’s incomplete (4/5 chapters) but it seems complete to me. also, at ~72,000 words, it’s a pretty hefty fic

Golden Keys and Gray Lines by @wouldyoulightmycandle ​ - just a feel-good post-canon fic that involves a road trip, an ice cream museum, and a bit of Working Through Rough Times. super cute! this fic is incomplete

some authors i just really love and appreciate (you probably already know them and if you don’t then idk what you’re doing)

all of these writers have serious talent that make it look easy to write fanfiction. it’s not easy. you guys have all of my love. all of it.

@nakasomethingkun ​ /  ephemeralsky - basically i just see their name and automatically click the fic without bothering to fully read the tags or summary. they have never let me down and i adore the way they write. everything they write is an easy read and i always come back to their fics. i was going to mention my favourites and then i realized i was going to list everything they’ve written for aftg and i’m not even kidding. funny, angst, fluff, everything you could want in a fic they have it. so so good i actually don’t know how to describe it. their fics break my heart and then put it back together a little bit different so that even after i am finished reading and continue with the rest of my life, i feel different. they make me hurt in a way i didn’t know that i could like. this quality of fic has me scrolling back to the top to reread it the second i finish. what in the world they’re so good.

@annawrites ​ / moonix - 50 aftg fics. that’s actually crazy. and all of them are so high quality and there is such a variety. flower shop/tattoo parlor au? one of my favourite series ever. high school au? of course it includes 4 fully complete fics. shapeshifter au? amazingly done. scott pilgrim vs the world au? so good that i went out and watched the movie for the first time (i am not even joking). i was looking through all the fics and just started rereading them, i just can’t help myself. they describe everything in a way that makes their stories unique, but doesn’t seem like they’re trying too hard. or at all. their fics flow so well and every sentence is a gem. i read and reread so carefully to make sure i don’t miss a thing, but always find myself catching new jokes and quirks.

@lolainslackss ​ / lolainslackss - i really don’t know where to start. once again, i just really love all of their fics. i started scrolling through their works too see if i had a favourite and could not even choose a top 5. their writing is so beautiful i can’t get enough. they always choose the best things to include. selective mutism and sign language? that’s a sure way into my heart. the suit shop au is adorable and pining andrew really is best andrew. i found exycast surprisingly late in my fanfiction reading and that is a real tragedy because it’s amazing and really cute. the soulmate timer fic is an old favourite and if i’m looking for angst, i know i can pull it up.

@gluupor ​ / gluupor - an absolute legend. with 54 fics for aftg, it’s amazing that all of them are outrageously funny, entertaining, and just really well written. a lot of them are fics adapted as an au for other fandoms (like their super popular brooklyn 99 au that i absolutely adore) and they are all hilarious. it’s so fun to search for familiar quotes or realize how similar characters from different fandoms are to the foxes and the quirks they share. these are fics that will definitely cheer you up. i love their sense of humour, it fits the characters so well and helps to shape the world they’re writing in. it’s always exciting to see them publish a new fic.

@idnis ​ / idnis - they have a really unique writing style, i’ve never seen anything like it in this fandom. every story has so much care and love in it that’s evident through the small details that you only pick up through rereading. their stories are stylized with spaces and formatting that help guide the reader and adds to the tone of their stories. i fell so in love with their cat!neil. they write such interesting stories, have original plots, and their fics read like poetry. before you know it, you’ve finished the fic without realising you should have gone to bed an hour ago. they also have some amazing original work that everyone should go check out!

@badacts ​ / badacts - so recently a lot of their fics were made visible to ao3 users only (a shame in my opinion) so if you haven’t read their fics, go make an account! or log into your account! you really don’t want to miss these fics. they have a kid fic where both andrew and neil are baby versions of themselves so it’s obviously one of the best things ever. they who made you/they made me too is so good even the title is enough to make me feel. there’s introspection and realization and it’s from aaron’s perspective. i love seeing the twinyards bond. and, of course we have to mention the terra firma series because i love injured!neil and this one hits me in a different way. i love the way the abrupt transition into injury for neil and being able to experience the confusion and not knowing what’s happening with him.

iaquilam - they have posted 2 fics for aftg and they are some of my favourites in this fandom. this has amazing characterization, neil and andrew and everyone feel so real and so true and i love them. a mouthy, raven neil is one of the best types of neil. they write from andrew’s perspective and i cannot believe have well they capture him and his thoughts. quotes that have stuck with me “there’s more than one way of getting what you want”, “’he hurts,’ kevin says. ‘it hurts”, “you will be afraid and you will do it anyway”, and “to keep living. until i don’t”. also i think that andrew with synesthesia in where everything is good fits so perfectly. the idea that andrew has something so unique ahh i love. “your voice was the first blue one i ever saw” makes everything around me go quiet.

@jemejem ​ / jemejem - first of all i am really loving the radio show ficlet that’s being posted on tumblr. i’m a sucker for breakup fics, especially cheating fics (because i need angst) so only was the find of the century. it’s a fic where no matter how many times i’ve read it, i still feel gutted and achy reading it. their recent fic, the sound, was really interesting and i loved the later chapters so much but can’t share because of *spoilers*

undertow - okay so they also only have 2 aftg fics but oh my goodness they are so good. tenuous is one of my most reread fics, i love the concept, interactions between all the characters, how i feel like i’m there with them, and their descriptions. one of my favourite lines are “The sink turns on; water smacks against the bottom of its metallic basin. It feels—well. It just feels.” ugh i don’t know why i like it so much i just do. it fits so perfectly. and i can totally imagine kevin and neil being super petty in their love song writing, this fic is such a contrast to the other one and yet still so good.

@broship-addict ​ / broship_addict - kid!au! oh my goodness ice cream au! ahh they’re so good at writing cute fluff that has such good characterization that they’ve adapted perfectly into whatever au they have written. and at the same time impulse hit me in a different kind of way. what a joy to read, i love witnessing the ways that andrew and neil come together in all of their fics. also i really can’t not mention their amazing artwork. so grateful to have them contributing so much to this fandom

@unkingly / vicariously kingly - bless these fics. i don’t know anyone that doesn’t love a good de-aged neil fic and this really does The Most for that trope. also can i just say that callboy!neil was a thing i didn’t know i needed in my life but now i don’t know how i lived without it. also mermaid!neil?? yes please. i adore the way they write andriel. their fics are angsty and never fail to make me feel something, often a little bit raw in a good way. latchkey child wrecked me. i felt like i had been scraped clean and felt a little bit off for the remaining night and day after. Say Golden, Pony Boy was eerie and just the right amount of mysterious. i was left feeling unsettled in my own home. these fics have delightful endings that leave you satisfied and yet wanting more all the same

@spanglebangle / spanglebangle - i really really cannot get over sunshine and moonlight. it’s such a soft version of neil and andrew’s relationship, i love the direction that was taken and how the boys grew and the changes because they found each other. i love the quote “you like the big gestures and ridiculous things i say. i’m in your head, remember, i know it makes you feel wanted” fox!neil is really so adorable and pure, but also feisty and protective and funny. i would love to see more of this fic. also the elementary au is everything to me. there’s a lot of content and it keeps me interested, but i especially love the later chapters with everything surrounding neil and then even later with andrew wrestling with his feelings. so well written.

@hopingforcoordinates ​ / crazy_like_a - if you haven’t read their fics then ?? i really don’t know what to say since they wrote 3 of the top 5 fics with the most kudos in this fandom. and if you have read their work then we both know why they are being mentioned. i have fallen in love with their take on raven!neil. their writing style feels so simple and natural, which is a real talent. if you’re looking for a more explicit post-canon fic, then lessons is great, just make sure nobody is reading over your shoulder hah

@fuzzballsheltiepants ​ / fuzzballsheltiepants - the iconic a mewment like this series is so funny, sweet, and angsty and features The Cats which is always a good sign. in particular, i loved the conversation about mark rothko and all of the art they looked at in the 6th fic. i don’t know what counts as spoilers so i’ll say thank goodness for neil ‘oblivious’ josten, trivia nights, and the good bad jokes that made this series such an enjoyable read. similarly, you can’t go wrong with the angst that’s sure to come with a fic where andrew gets hurt and doesn’t remember who neil is. or at least, this fic definitely went the opposite of wrong. 

and i really cannot make this post without mentioning the mind-blowing collabs of lolainslackss and moonix to create dating & other disasters and of moonix and gluupor to write No Place Like Home (incomplete). i literally don’t even have words for how excited i was for when i heard of these fics. these collabs are too powerful for this world and if you haven’t read them then i guess you don’t want to enjoy yourself.

as well, additional thanks from this little ace baby to everyone who writes ace!neil or demi!neil. you guys have a special place in my heart.

i tried to find everyone’s tumblr but obviously didn’t succeed. please tag them if i missed them or tagged the wrong account. thanks! i also did not take the time to research pronouns/names so i refer to everyone as ‘they/them’. i know some of the right pronouns/names but it felt wrong to have some of them and not the rest. some of my comments might seem incoherent or repetitive. my apologies for all of this.

also if you go to my ao3 and see that it’s a little bare/notice that i never comment just know that it’s because i am *ultra lazy* and most of the time i cannot be bothered to log into my account. probably commented as raelle instead. or just ‘a’ because i really am That Lazy. or i’m planning on writing an essay for your fic but haven’t gotten around to it and i’m just drafting it in my head every time i reread.

[rockstar-tay]

https://music.apple.com/us/album/calm/1497416763

https://open.spotify.com/album/0vX2Jo5xhltAA7kVdW2hwO?si=q26GTqdWRxOOLZPBOSvUOQ

It’s been three whole days since 5SOS released their fourth album CALM. I mean technically I guess like four since the band hosted a live listening party via insta.

Can we talk about that for a minute because it was ACTUALLY REALLY FUCKIN COOL! I tuned in like right at 9 PST, and Ash was already on there. He said some stuff, and then he played the first side of the vinyl. He actually like walked away from the camera which I thought was kinda weird at first, but then I definitely think it was to help take away any distractions from people just focusing on watching him or something. Personally I was listening with my eyes closed, and headphones in and I swear it sounded like he has subs because the bass was HITTIN. Anyways then later Calum took over (with lag of course), and invited Michael and then Luke. Watchin them react to the songs just made it feel so personal. Ugh. I hope they and other artists do it in the future.

K so before listenin to this album I was definitely a fan of the guys. I got a tattoo a couple of months ago and one of their songs came up on the artist’s Spotify so I started talking to her about them. She called them “my boys” when another song came up like an hour later (and I died inside). But yeah. I’ve liked them since... holy fuck 2014!? How has it been 6 years already!?!!?

CALM just feels so different from anything they’ve done before, and every fan is HERE FOR IT! Honestly I kinda feel like I’m gonna talk about every track because YO this album has crazy diversity when it comes to sound. Lyrically too like you can tell their perspective of life and of situations that happen has changed from how they would’ve done it earlier in their career.

🌟 Red Desert - With how they’ve layered the vocals of the opening chorus I immediately think “Beatles vibes” but then the beat comes in, and I’m like. Hm okay.. how did they get that transition to work?? Then towards the end of the song before the final chorus plays there’s a bridge with like a techno/edm kinda beat behind everything else. Like I don’t understand how they got all of that flow in one song but they fuckin did it. I actually find myself humming this one the most throughout the day compared to any other song.

🌟 No Shame - This one has been out as a single for a minute. Think I’ve posted about a fan theory of the meaning so I won’t go into it again. But in short if you didn’t see that post: it’s a bop.

🌟 Old Me - UGGGGHHHH THE GROOVE DURING THE VERSES MAKES ME WANNA BOUNCE AND SING ALONG! Every. Damn. Time. And this chorus like how can that not tug at your heart strings.

🌟 Easier - This ones another single that was out before the record dropped. Honestly it confused tf outta me when I first heard it. It sounded so.. synthy (p sure that’s not a word) to me, and just so different from what I thought they could sound like. There’s absolutely no denying how catchy it is tho and how can you not hum that melody?

🌟 Teeth - I DEFINITELY feel like this should’ve been on the stranger things soundtrack but I GUESS 13 Reasons is fine. goddamn Luke’s vocals... I could rant about that for a while. Anyway it’s totally a song that would get a crowd movin, and I can’t wait to see videos of when they play it live (if that even happens now #thanksrona #stayhomestayhealthy)

🌟 Wildflower - I typically do not notice lyrical content when I first listen to a song. Idk what it was about this one but I noticed two things immediately. One - Cal is takin lead vocals in this one. Two - that this songs about having a bomb-ass physical relationship with someone.

🌟 🌟Best Years - i mean Luke posted him singing it on IGTV already so luckily I didn’t cry as much when I heard it for the second time ever during the listening party. This literally is designed to be a wedding song. Michael and Crystal absolutely need to play it at theirs. You know what? Luke and Sierra too. (Lord I really don’t wanna add pressure to them but WE ALL SEE YOURE IN LOVE AND PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER SO PUT A RING ON IT ALREADY)

🌟 🌟Not In The Same Way - The fuckin hip hop-ish beat that’s goin on during the verses is the number one thing that got this one in my top 5 of the album. Plus dear lord if this doesn’t describe my love life idk what does.

🌟🌟 Lover of Mine - So with this one the first time around I just focused on how the overall like tone of the song seems to be soothing but sad all at once. Then the next time I listened to the words closely and jeeeeeesus. Right in the heart.

🌟 Thin White Lies - I really keep trynna call this one Thin White Lines. Anyways.. I hate how many songs they have a sick beat to on this album. It makes it LITERALLY impossible to not nod your head with it.

🌟 Lonely Heart - I really can see them playin this live, and havin a crowd of you know at least 8,000 singing back “Lonely it ain’t nothin new, nothin new to me, nothin new to you.” And it gives me chills.

🌟🌟High - Okay first of all shoutout to all the stoners out there. 🤘🏼🖤 But for fuckin real we all have one to five people we always think about when we get fucked up, or are just in our feelins for a minute. “I hope you think of me high. I hope you think of me highly. When you're with someone else.”

It’s weird that I feel so happy for them, and proud of them at the same time? I don’t even know the dudes but their lyrics are so fuckin mature and well thought out. From how they’re articulatin everything I’d swear they’re older than me, but I’ve got a couple years on ‘em. Just honestly they did a great job with this album and I can’t wait to hear more interviews of them talkin about it.

[jaeminlore]

zombie!yuta

the flirtiest zombie in the world lol

will flirt with anything, living or dead ;)

he wears long sleeves and skinny jeans to try and hide his rotting skin bc believe it or not people aren’t really attracted to rotting flesh

moisturizes every single day like if you can’t find yuta he’s probably rubbing zombie honey-scented lotion on his dead skin

his literal dead skin

also yeah yuta loves honey-scented things do you want to know why?

bc honey is a food that won’t start rotting until like 3000 years after it’s made,,,, and yuta highkey thinks it has some sort of power to it

anyway he loves w nct obviously

is super slow even though he doesn’t want to be

like he wants to zoom around and be excited but sometimes things get Zombified™ and all he can do is mutter a single “ugh”

which makes all the other boys laugh but yuta hates it!!!

anyway he super social esp in the zombie verse bc ghouls are probably the most common monsters in this universe

like humans are used to working along side zombies and every thing is okay until a baker!zombie drops his finger in the cake batter and forgets to tell everyone

but that doesn’t happen too often!!

anyway yuta goes to a zombie college called undead university or smth

yuta’s parents (adoptive zombie parents — that is) are both zombie socialites,, like they have this huge ball-type party where zombies wear the clothes they wore from the era they died in

and everyone eats hors d'oeuvres but it’s horse d'oeuvres bc it’s made w horse brain

so yuta’s parents always make him go to these things and he’s super annoyed like listen for a sec

yuta was a samurai in medieval japan when he died

so the armor he has to wear at these things

and don’t even get me started on the hairstyle it was long but like shaved on the top, then rolled around into a bun?? idk how to describe it but yuta has to wear a wig that looks like that for the party

it’s so extra and he lowkey looks like a strange transformer just look up samurai armor and imagine yuta in it like he looks like a goofball

he didn’t used to ofc

back when that was the armor and yuta had a decent hairstyle instead of a wig made specifically for rotting scalps

anyway the point is that yuta really hates these parties and he always tucks some extra clothes away in his armor so as soon as everyone’s back is turned he can leave

it’s not easy to leave when you’re a zombie though like they aren’t sneaky and their thumping footsteps can be heard miles away right

so now to you

you are also a zombie

and you don’t mind these parties as much bc you died during the nineties so you get to wear grunge style stuff and your hair can be covered under a beanie

which is extremely convenient bc whenever you try to brush your hair it never goes well

you end up as patchy mcbaldscalp

so anyways you come to the party in like converse and a flannel tied around your waist

and immediately you notice that every other zombie is like a billion years older than you

like they died old,,,,, but their era was super old too

youre pretty sure you see a zombie from ancient rome

literally,,,, caesar was probably his lab partner lol

so you hide out w the food for most of the night

soon you hear this clang of metal and you turn around (slowly bc ya know,,,, you’re a zombie)

and this zombie from like medieval japan is clanking towards you

you rlly don’t want to get caught up in a convo starting with “back in my day…”

listen, if you think humans are slow you have never heard a zombie tell a story

so you like look around for some kind of escape but before you can leave

the samurai is upon you

and he’s like “it must be my lucky day, cause i’m a zombie and you’re drop-dead gorgeous”

nd you’re like oh no not only is he an old zombie,,,, he’s a pervy old zombie

and you’re just about to tell him off for it when he slowly lifts up his helmet, and you can see his face

and it’s not bad looking tbh

at least not for someone who’s been dead 832 years amirite

you kinda stop like oh,,, a cute zombie,,,, a cute zombie boy whose eyes dont rlly seem dead but actually pretty alive,,,,,,

until

“i’m nakamoto yuta, but you can call me soon,” he says. and he winks

let me tell you a thing abt zombie winks: they never go as planned

for instance, yuta winked at you, and his eyeball fell out

like the whole eyeball,,,, starts rollin away,,,

and if zombies had blood it’d probably rush to his cheeks but instead he just drops his helmet and runs after it

and you watch him, lowkey amused because when he finally gets his eyeball back, he accidentally runs into a beam

and falls right onto his back

lol

you’re laughing obv but you zombie-run over like r u ok my dude

he just closes his eyes like “leave me here to die in my shame”

so yeah the way you guys met was pretty different

but as time went by you guys grew closer

which is good bc every other zombie your age is weird and still smells like a human

so anyway yuta always brings you over to the monct house to hang out

and the boys are all slowly getting used to having girls over since more of the members are finding dates

so they prepare like

witch!mark charms a special nail polish to accurately change colors with your mood

and forest spirit!jeno always finds the prettiest flowers to give as gifts

and basically all the monsters now clean up after themselves a lot more

anyway back to you and yuta

this might be because zombies lack brains and proper blood flow to said brain but you guys like doing stupid stuff

mostly to prank the other boys

like y'all are gross and will switch eyeballs to see if anyone notices

also you try to eat brains in front of the dreamies to see if they get grossed out

vampire!donghyuck is like not grossed out at all

werewolf pup!renjun might join you if it’s close to the full moon (cue being dragged away by werewolf!sicheng “you can’t eat raw meat you aren’t a real dog!”)

jaemin jisung and chenle all think it’s cool and lowkey want to try some

like it’s horse brain how bad can it be

you always tease yuta for his samurai outfit

and he’s like i was a warrior y/n!! i fought for japan!! i had a sword and everything!!! and i’ll have you know the ladies loved me a whole lot!!

“i’m sure they did, yuta”

you guys like listening to music from your different eras like yuta is now hooked on rock and roll and you like the theatrical sounds of nōgaku

you guys are the chilliest couple ever and most of your dates consist of laying around

sometimes you’ll moan “brraaiiiiiinnnnnsss!!!!!” just to annoy the others

but mostly not

anyway you guys are like a basic zombie couple: highkey chill and lowkey gross

it’s cool tho

so

anyways that’s zombie!yuta

hope you enjoyed!

part of the monster!nct collab w @trickortaeil

[antthonystark]

can you talk about your fave alec moments from 2a?

Oh man. There’s so much, there’s basically too much – I didn’t actually think therewas that much, but wow there’s actually so much because literally every Alecscene is my favourite scene as I am a simple girl with easy standards. But I’ll try to, like, not talk for six thousand years. Let’ssee how it goes lmao.

#1 Best Top Alec Scene of All TimeEver: Alec v. Aldertree, 2x09

Oh man. Oh man. This was…this was such a gift…Ican’t even describe how I feel about it adequately. Like our boy is a saltineat the best of times, but that aspect is sort of is tempered by his forcedrespect for authority (which is a whole nother conversation which I’ve talkedabout a few times) – so against an authority figure, in the past, Alec has beensort of passive-aggressive (for lack of a better word); like in 1x09, he staresdown Lydia and hands the folder to his mom against her command, and in 2x01 hestill takes Lydia’s dismissal instead of contesting it. So I like this sceneespecially because you see him coming out of that, but it’s not OOC oranything, firstly because shedding his adherence to authority has been a partof his arc since 1x12 (and was reinforced in 2x08 with his conflicts with hismother), and also – and more significantly imo – it’s because of his family.Isabelle specifically. 

So that “I’ll do anything for my sister,” authoritative,salty as fuck Alec just taking his Institute back that thisscene brought out is my favourite ever Alec and I hope he’s here to stay.(Actually, I hope we see him struggle a bit more with his identity as aShadowhunter, his duty to the Clave and his parents and following orders andthe like, since that was a key part of his character in S1 and it would be socool to see him actually deal with that, but that’s a whole nother thing aswell). And leader!Alec has always been my favourite Alec, and there’s nothingmore I want to see than Alec being the head of the institute like he deservesto be (seeing a struggle for power between Alec/the Lightwoods/Aldertree wouldbe SO NICE too, and I’m actually really interested to see how power is going toshift hands in 2B in the Institute. Maybe seeing Alec have to navigate themessy quagmire of Shadowhunter/Clave politics which puts him at odds with theothers who don’t get how complicated it is because the consequences of any insubordinationare going to fall on his shoulders as the leader sorta like how it was in S1. And I’m also kind of interested to see how Alec navigates the whole “preserving the Lightwood honour” thing from last year - how much he values that now compared to the huge lengths he went to for the Lightwood name in the first season. That would be so cool).

Andhonestly, that smirk and that salty little pat on Aldertree’s shoulder ended mylife. It ended my life.

I just put the rest in chronological order but i just had to mention this one first lol so here we goooo

EPISODE 2x01 (and that punching bagscene in 1x02):

I’m justnaming this whole episode okay sorry (I’m probably gonna do this with mostepisodes lbr). There was just so muchgood Alec in this episode it’s hard to unpack it but let me try.

I’dprobably say my favourite moment overall is the very first one, with the wholegang in the institute. This is weird and most people would probably go for theAlec/Maryse confrontation or the Magnus/Alec scene later on, but there’s justsomething so Alec about this scenethat I love. Like, Matt did such a good job in this scene imo because you couldliterally feel the stress and panic radiating off of Alec and it just cut medeep because man oh man those parabatai feels always get me. More than that, though,you can see the fear and frustration because of the realization that the way hehas dealt with his feelings his whole life is starting to fail – in the wake ofJace’s absence, suddenly he isn’t able to bottle up his feelings and put themin a place out of his own access, so he doesn’t have to deal with them –suddenly, it’s too much to just shove out of sight and push down withoutexamining (as he tries to articulate it for the first time when he says “withJace missing, it’s like the ground has shifted and I can’t keep my balance—”). Andthroughout the first couple of episodes, you see him having to deal with thisand becoming more volatile as these feelings that he never learned how tohandle burst out of him without him being able to exert that control that he’sbeen having to do his whole life.

Relateddirectly to that, one of my other favourite scenes is from 2x02 when he’spunching the punching bag, and I love thisdetail because you saw him trying to do the same thing in a few instances inthe first season, using his physical body (and inducing physical pain, but moreon that in just a moment) as a way of trying to exorcise his feelings without dealing with them in a significant emotionalway. And that little moment when he rests his head against the punching bag –that’s when he realizes that it’s not working, that this is all too much, thathe can’t punch this away. (Leading into his decision to endanger his own lifeto get Jace back which man oh man I loved that scene too but guy we’re gonna behere all day if I keep doing this.)

I really supermega love the scene on the balcony with Magnus as well, but to try and makethis not a million years long I’m trying to focus in-depth on Alec-only scenesrather than relationship-related scenes. But know that this one is definitelyone of my faves as well. (My favourite Alec quote probably ever is “Thanks, I’vebeen working on [my apology skills]” BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK THAT’S ADORABLE ANDI LOVE IT. And that smile.)

2x04: The fight with Izzy and thesubsequent cuddle pile

(The ending of 2x03 is another favouritemoment but everything I think about it I just cry and I have nothing good tosay so I’m skipping on to 2x04).

Okay sothe fight with Izzy is deadass one of my favourite Lightwood scenes EVER, and I’vetalked about it so much before so I’ll try and keep this brief but oh my god it’sjust perfect to me in every way. Mostly I can’t stop thinking about how he justcannot even so much as bruise Isabelle when she would literallyrip his heart out if given the chance (I mean, the demon possessing her but youfeel me right). Like, he can’t hit her with a non-lethal shot and instead oftrying to force her off of him he’s just trying to reason with her (Izzy please ugh my heart) and try to gether to overcome the demon and it kills my soul. This is my true favourite Alec,the gentle big brother Alec, and that’s why I love this scene so much. Add thatto the whole “you’re the favourite child” rumination which I love because itjust shows how poorly both the Lightwood kids have been treated by theirparents so that there’s really no favourite child at all, but I talked aboutthat a lot once too lol.

Butspeaking of gentle big brother Alec oh my lord the scene right after Izzy getsunpossessed and the way he holds her and applies the iratze on her (and laterthe way he scoops her up) oh my god I die every time (I don’t think I canestimate to you how many times I’ve watched this scene tbh lol). And when Jacecomes in that little soft hug that passes through all three of them is myfavourite thing in the entire world honestly I can’t believe we were blessedwith a Lightwood group hug in my lifetime. It’s just my favourite thing aboutthem, how they were made to be weapons from childhood and how they’ve had tofend for each other, and how they’re soldiers raised in this militaristic andoppressive society that forces them to be cold and hard and yet they are sosoft and sweet and loving and kind to one another……idk if I’m articulating thiswell at all but I’m just I love itbye.

2x05: Rooftop scene with Jace/fireescape with Magnus

If I hadto pick a solid second favourite, it would probably be these two scenes, when Ithink about it. Ever since season 1, I was very interested in Alec’srelationship regarding the physical and the emotional, because of that wholepile of stuff I wrote under the 2x01 heading right up there (but more examplese.g.  punching Jace when he insinuatesAlec’s feelings for him, and the punching bag scenes in 1x06, 1x08, 1x09). Butthis is another facet to that, which is trying to avoid dealing with the emotionalpain/trauma  that he never ever taughthimself how to handle properly by trying to translate it into self-inflictedphysical pain and injury just to tryand make it go away, and it breaks my heart. I know this is a sensitive issue,so I don’t want to talk about “loving” it or anything like that, but Iappreciate it because it’s very in line with Alec as a character, not only inhis struggles with self-worth that were very apparent throughout the firstseason, but because of the way he was raised informing the way he navigates his emotions(i.e. with a lot of difficulty, and as it becomes apparent, a certain amount ofanguish), as he was both brought up in the emotionally repressive militaristic society of the shadowhunters, and struggled with being gay in an openly homophobic society, which makes it even worse for him compared to the other shadowhunter characters we see. 

Just theimage of Alec’s blood-soaked hand reaching for arrow after arrow that keep further wounding his hand was a very strong one, and it’s the reason whythis scene has stayed with me as a strong Alec moment. And his whole conversationwith Jace added to it just makes it even stronger to me, because it hammershome the guilt and the self-loathing that Alec is feeling not only for Jocelyn,but for apparently failing Jace, and you can feel his shame at hisself-perceived shortcomings coming to light and it’s heartbreaking and just sogood. (I’m not gonna keep saying “yay Matthew” but yay Matthew because he’s sogood he’s so good).

Also sincewe’re talking about 2x05, I loved the little moment with Madzie (that smile curedmy depression im p sure)

2x06: Yeah, the…the whole thing.

Yeah, sothis episode was amazing. Great Alec, great Magnus, great malec, everything sogood.

One of thethings I liked about this as a Matt stan more than anything is just the waythat Alec was allowed to have a little bit of comedy, since he’s usually such aserious character, and Matt just nailed the subtle comedy in lines like “youcan round down, if you want” and the ICONIC “17! 1700? …17000?” moment which wasjust so spectacularly done. And the best acting moment of S2A when Matt “drinksvodka straight out of the bottle” Daddario does the most perfect impression of a non-drinker drinking alcohol (as a nondrinker this was especially special to me lmao).

But morethe actual Alec moments, I think the way his insecurities were portrayed is whatI really loved in this episode? I don’t usually relate to Alec in ways that are less superficial than not drinking alcohol, but in this single specific way only (only this) I find him relatable to the sole extent that asa 20y/o with basically no relationship experience for certain reasons (yeah sadlife whatever leave me alone). But even apart from that and just focusing on Alec, one of my favourite lines was when hesaid “I didn’t want you to think that there was something wrong with me” and “…becauseI knew I could never have what I wanted” or whatever it was) because that’sjust heartbreaking and basically I just love it, I don’t have anything good or profoundto articulate here, I just love this because I’m so happy Alec can finally have what he wanted for so long, after so many sad lonely years of thinking he could never be this happy and i love him and this whole episode okay bye

On ahappier note, I also really loved the pool-playing scene between Magnus and Alec.I love how they showed his competitive spirit and that playful flirty side toboth of them,  it was really cute and Iwant a lot more of it in the future. Like, you don’t see a lot of Alec being competitiveoutside of this moment, and I feel like some of it was dulled a little bit bythe fact that he would always measure himself up against Jace and perceivehimself as coming up short, but I like when you can see his smugness andcompetitiveness come out in certain moments like this one, esp in the way that you can see Magnus making him happier and more open which yes. (And I also likeAlec talking about archery and i want more of that too).

2x07. omamori

I know2x07 was a big giant mess, but I have to give it the omamori scene. I’ve talkedabout it so much because I love it so much, so I’m deadass just going tocopy-paste something I “wrote” before on it (my grammar in this post is weirdly good and mixed up because i had to write it on MS Word and that autocorrects and capitalizes but the following is more indicative of my actual thought processes lol):

the “yesyou” especially killed me like………he’s so sweet, so obliviously sweet?? likethis is alec’s first relationship ever, and it just strikes me as so lovelythat on their second date ever, he’s like “here have this present” like!! forso long he’s never let himself do any of this, indulge in not only love andattraction and desire, but also all of the small relationshippy things - soliterally the first opportunity he gets, he gives magnus a little present:)))))) it makes me almost sad because there’s so much love in this boy and forso long it had nowhere to go and it choked him from the inside out and now hefinally gets to show it and embrace it and give it to somebody special,somebody who will appreciate and return it in kind

and hedoesn’t register or understand magnus’s surprise? he’s like “yes you duh” likeit’s just par for the course, like “this is what you’re supposed to do, isn’tit?” it’s just so fucking………..alec that it hurts

and thatthe omamori represents protection???? oh god i love it so much b/c alec is thisyoung and relatively un-special shadowhunter (in that he doesn’t have any extraspecial angel powers or whatever) and then there’s magnus who’s immortal andamazingly, endlessly powerful, but alec’s instinct is still towards protection.how sweet is this boy

So yeahthat’s that.

2x08 – Runer ceremony & the endscene with Maryse

Okay LASTONE I promise. 2x08 was again chock full of some NICE Alec scenes, and Iespecially love when Alec has scenes with his parents because as a viewer it’ssuch an interesting dynamic that I really want the show to explore a lot.

Anyway, Ilove love love the Rune Ceremony scenefor a lot of reasons, but speaking about Alec particularly I!!! love!!!!proud!!! big!!! brother!!! Alec!!!!!!! and seeing him smile at Max like that made my entire life ho my god.  And there was something very affecting aboutthe fact that since Robert couldn’t be there, it was Alec who had to accompanyMax up to the Silent Brother. idk exactly but I just really love that moment,because I guess it’s this visual representation of the emotional neglect fromthe Lightwood parents, and the way that the children had to start looking outfor each other at such a young age, and the almost parental protectiveness thatAlec has had to develop over his siblings (and his siblings over him as well) becauseof the lack of emotional support from their parents? I love this song tbh and bigbrother Alec is my favourite Alec (and the visual contrast in height betweenJack and Matt in this scene especially is just SO GOOD for this aesthetic too).You can see this dynamic in terms of some other interactions with Alec and Maxthroughout the episode (which, by the way, I loved.) And this whole idea isjust underscored by the fact that Max is so young and is already being sworn into be a soldier, basically, so it really hits home how young Shadowhunters arewhen they’re indoctrinated into this life.

And I lovethe Alec/Jace/Maryse scene at the end because the Lightwoods are such a good family, in that they’re so fuckedup and there’s so much bad shit that goes on, there’s resentment, there’sthinly-veiled homophobia, there’s emotional abuse, there are lies and secrets –but the realness of it is that they’rea family. They’re a complicated, ugly family (when it comes to parent-childdynamics), but there’s love there, even after everything. And there’s the possibility of apology and maybe, maybe, of eventual healing (as testified to by Maryse and Jace’sconversation earlier).

I know theLightwood parents are awful and often emotionally abusive, but Alec’s hug andsupport to Maryse showed so much more about Alec’s character – how heimmediately forgets all the shit he’s been put through when his mother needed ashoulder to cry on. It’s not beautiful and it’s still indicative of a fucked-upfamily dynamic, but Alec and his protective, gentle, and comforting instinctkills my soul – and I love the sort of irony, I guess you could call it, thatit’s this woman that made Alec repress those instincts in an attempt to makehim a perfect soldier, but they were too strong and too much of a part of himfor his kindness and gentleness to completely be stamped out by his upbringing,and now that’s what Maryse needs fromhim in this moment. idk where I’m going with this but you feel me right?

And I’mreally excited to see Alec’s relationship with his father unfold and get moredevelopment. Because Robert was kind to Izzy and wasn’t as openly awful aboutMalec as Maryse was, people got the idea that he was “better” to Alec thanMaryse, but if you look at season one, Robert did his fair share of mistreatingAlec (not to mention that thinly-veiled dig at Magnus being a “lothario”). SoTodd & Darren teased that Alec/Robert scene and my god they better deliveron this and deliver properly becauseit’s all I want.

2x10: REAL QUICK so I really really likedthe “I love you” malec scene from 2x10 but I wrong a long-ass answer on that back then, so I’m not gonna get into it nowI literally have no more words to say about it lmao

AND YUPTHERE IT IS. These are my favourite Alec scenes. I think I did okay, all thingsconsidered.

[lwoorl]

Fanfic retrospective 2018

I have seen 2 people doing this and I thought, oh, why not?! So lets revisit all the fics submitted last year!

Online Hero Need Friends:

Summary: Izuku makes some online friends when he's in middleschool that he keeps when he becomes a pro hero. But he never told them he's The Deku.

Thoughts: This fic was kind of unexpected for me! In a lot of ways. I got inspiration for the idea from a post of Tumblr, but wasn't really going to do anything with it, and one night, suddenly, I just started to write it! I finished the first chapter around 3am on a work day and the response was… Unexpectedly amazing? I remember watching at my phone just seeing the numbers growing and growing, so many people just loved it!!! So I decided hey fuck it let's make it have multiple chapters so, I sort of did that. All chapters were written on moments between classes and it's amazing so many people liked this because it's mostly just a self indulgent piece of fluff with some ocs hanging out, a friend described it as “A long ass fic where nothing happens” (Which is super accurate) but I enjoyed making it and I loved creating the characters!!! I'm gonna finish it sometime in 2019. Sorry for everyone who's been waiting for the epilogue, but I promise this isn't abandoned!!!!

This is my most successful fic to the date which is honestly fucking weird. I'm serious guys, this is a story where NOTHING happens, just fluff with no substance and not even with characters you already know beforehand!! The hell is wrong with you?!

I don't believe you. You aren't like THAT:

Summary: Dick tells Damian he's gay. His brother doesn't take it well.

Thoughts: Ooof this fic. This was a vent fic. I made it after some stuff happened, mostly cause I relate super hard to Dick's relationship with Damian. Tbh this is just a self indulgent wish fulfilment piece of crap, but hey, that's what fics are for, aren't they?! It's actually super embarrassing to think this was my first DC fic, because, again, self indulgent trash. I'm honestly never ever ever gonna recommend anyone to read it, it's, well, embarrassing!!! I hope no one who knows me in real life ever touches it, they would immediately know which situation made me write it and I would just combust with embarrassment on the spot. Ugh. I've thought about orphaning it because, again, super personal and super embarrassing!!! But it's also kind of close to my heart? So I don't think I could just throw it away ever.

Night Habits:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare and goes to Dick's room to feel better. It's not the same as before. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: This is another fic that was surprisingly popular!! I was thinking of writing a talon!dick story for a while now, and one day I just sit and wrote this. Again, Dick and Damian's relationship is SO precious to me, so of fucking course I did it about that. To be honest I feel this story is lacking because it lacks any context whatsoever, it's a problem I've noticed with all that series, it's just cute or sad moments without much context. But then again, it's fanfiction, and I learned a while ago to stop worrying whether something I post is good or not. Personal enjoyment > Quality.

Grappling Hook:

Summary: Little Dick Grayson goes missing soon after he moved to the manor. Bruce finds him sleeping in the cave as a grappling hook. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man. Listen, one day I just thought “Hey, I wanna see a soul eater AU of the batfam.” Then I looked and looked… And there wasn't any!! Can you believe it?! So I started to think of my own, not really knowing if it would be a comic or an ask blog or a fanfic. 

Soon it became more of a soul-eater-inspired thing than something actually related to soul eater, because honestly the only thing I really wanted was an au where everything was the same except people turned into objects. I shared the idea with a friend and we started to brainstorm worldbuilding and headcanons. One of those headcanons was that one day Dick just sorta disappeared and Bruce found him as an object sleeping somewhere. I'm not sure why I wrote this first? But I guess I had to start the series somehow and people liked it. So, yay.

Bo Staff:

Summary: Tim turns into an object for the first time. And then accidentally gets locked in a closet. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: My fingers puked this fic THE MOMENT I finished Grappling Hook. Listen, at that point I had been around 6 months without classes and bored out of my mind so, can you blame me? A ton of the following fics also happened DAYS after these, so, yeah, I guess I just really needed something to do, the following weeks were just insanely productive for me.

I like the contrast this fic creates with Dick's. Overall, I think it's ok. I'm not sure if I want to subscribe to the portrayal of Tim's parents here? I like the idea that they care but just are too absorbed on their work to actually notice the kid exists, but I think here they came off as downright hateful. Oh well, I can blame it to it being from Tim's POV I guess. Unreliable narrator and what not. I also think I didn't make it as angsty as I wanted it to be, but most people said it was still pretty sad, so, I guess that's ok.

How (not) to cope when your brother is turned into a zombie that might or might not still be him:

Summary: Tim realizes he's (just maybe) been fucking up a little bit. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Oh, this thing. I liked how this thing turned out! I don't 100% like my portray of Talon!Dick on this series. I wanted to make it kind of like Rei in the evangelion movies after she becomes an empty doll, but, like, not so drastic? But idk man, I just have seen way more interesting portrayals of Talon!Dick before so maybe that's why I feel like it's lacking. 

I really enjoyed writing this one fic tho, there are some scenes I really enjoyed writing in here, like when Tim got kicked out of his team for an university project hahaha. Also this was my first time writing a nightmare and it made me realize my deep love for writing dream sequences. Since then I'm trying to restrain myself from adding a dream to every single one of my stories, since I feel it's more powerful with moderation, but believe me when I say the tentation is there…. Hm. Maybe I could write something that's nothing but compilations of characters dreams???? Sure would be a cool character exploration exercise. Hm. Hmmmmmm… I might just have had an idea….

Training:

Summary: Jason asks Dick to help him training on being a shifter. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This was a fun thing to write!!! I wasn't sure about writing young Jason, but it turned out alright, and overall I just had fun making this!!! I think I portrayed Dick and Jason's relationship well enough, maybe a bit more friendly than they were at the time, but fuck it, I liked this story.

Changzhou Comb:

Summary: Cassandra has a hard time forgetting old habits. (Shifters AU series) 

Thoughts: Oh man. This thing. This thing. Listen I didn't know Cass that well before writing this, I knew some about her and her backstory, but I wasn't really that interested in the character. However, I got this thing that makes me want to portray characters that aren't mine really well, so, naturally, I read every single one of her issues as Batgirl as preparation. Twice.

And. I. Loved it. I loved it so much!!! I loved her so SO much!!! She was such an amazing, endearing, interesting character!!!! Then I finally sit down, and started the story. And let me tell you I was SUPER worried this would turn out mediocre, I wanted to portray the character well but didn't think I could. But then, then something, I don't know what, but something possessed me and I just… Began writing. And it turned out amazing. This is one of my best fics to date. I'm super proud of this one and it's a shame it's the least popular story of this series.

Grandfather's Collection:

Summary: A funny cute little story from Damian's childhood: The first time he pets a cat! (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This fic was fun to write! It allowed me to show some stuff I wanted to show and it's always a treat to use an unreliable narrator. Also Damian as a tiny little kid excited because of a cat is a treasure. I guess I wish this had been a bit creepier??? But then again, it's hard to make anything truly creepy when your narrator is a tiny kid who's having the best day of his life.

Revolver:

Summary: Some time after coming back to life Jason discovers something's changed. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: I got conflicted feelings about this one. On one hand, I like how the narrator for Jason turned out, and I think the story is fine, it just feels… Idk, contrived? It does depart from canon by a lot (I'm sorry but I just love aus where Jason stays with Talia and Rah's for some time) and I worry Rah's motivations come off as, you know, kinda shallow??? He feels like a Disney villain. And I honestly like writing him like a Disney villain???? I know he's complex in canon and stuff but… Idk, I kind of really enjoy writing him as the embodiment of evil who can decide if you live or die in a whim, so I will probably keep writing him like that, even if it's ooc.

Engraving:

Summary: Tim asks Jason if he knows a good tattoo parlor. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: This one was fun!!! This was a bit of worldbuilding I wanted to show since I first invented this AU, and I think it turned out alright. I'm satisfied with Jason and Tim's interactions. I think including the conversations with Kon and Bart at the end was kind of forced maybe??? But fuck it!! It's fic!!! Personal enjoyment > Quality!

Sleepover:

Summary: Damian has a nightmare. Set during Dick's time as Batman. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Hellooo again my love for writing weird ass dreams!! This fic was fun, and I like how it ended. From Damian's nightmare to Dick comforting him, it was nice. Just, a nice fic overall. I don’t have much else to add, just. I liked it, I had fun. I really like this one.

Tantrum:

Summary: Jason refuses to shift back, Bruce is out of his depth. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Honestly this is bad. Just, a bad fic. I really wanted to write something with this general plot, but I don't know if I just wasn't inspired or what but at some point I just went “Ya know what, fuck it.” And rushed it, just, getting out of the way the list of things I wanted to include. Which is a shame cause the basic premise was good!!! I think I might rewrite it someday, I would like to actually write something good out of that plot. Hm.

Let's dance in my borrowed shoes tonight:

Summary: Dick is missing. Someone has to cover for him. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: Another Cass fic, another idea I wasn't sure I could live up to, another amazing fic that turned out better than expected. I don't know why but Cass just awakens some poetic part of me I guess. It's funny, the more I write her, the more she starts to turn into my favorite character.

I like this one, a lot. Cass as Nightwing is super super cool, and I like how awkward and insecure she is with the whole thing. I really liked the whole watercolor thing too. I was practicing how to use watercolors around the time I wrote this, so you can bet that line came directly from that. I liked to describe the city as painting, I think it suits it. I just. Liked that part a lot.

Also you get a random girl trying to kiss Cass, so what’s not to love?!

Hight morning last minute visit:

Summary: Jason visits someone he hasn't seen in a while. (Talon!Dick Grayson series)

Thoughts: I had this idea for a while now, almost since the beginning of the series, a friend gave it to me and I wanted to write it but I wasn't sure how. I think this turned out alright, I liked my portrayal of Talon!Dick in this one for a change, and I really really liked adding that part where Jason admits he didn't actually kill anyone and tells the story of the kid.

Also, I had this idea for the happy birthday, and I even told my friend “I'm gonna end it in happy birthday Dick and it's gonna be super sad” and she was like “uhhh… Ok?” And I made sure the last line was a gut punch, and based on the reaction of everyone in the comments I succeeded!!!! It was important for me that the last line turned up the sad a lot, it was the whole point of the fic, so I'm glad I could make it work!!!!!

And by the way, the title isn’t a typo. I know how to write “high”. 

Training II: Teacher's teacher

Summary: Someone had to teach Dick how to be good at shifting before he was actually good at it. (Shifters AU series)

Thoughts: Oh man, this whole thing was basically just an info dump disguised as fluff. I needed to add some worldbuilding before moving to some stuff in this series so I used this to get it out of the way, I really hope it wasn't too confusing!!!

In general I liked this fic, I had a ton of fun writing it! I had this idea of Lois being an absolute beast in this AU and I'm happy I could finally show it off, even if I kind of feel she's a tiny itty bit out of character.

Also, there are tons of fics exploring Dick's relationship with Clark, but not so much with Lois. I wanted to make them closer in this AU than in canon and I like how their relationship was portrayed here…. Lois is just a ton of fun.

I also really like how when Lois talks about being a shifter her speech is exactly the opposite of what Dick tells Jason, just a fun detail that shows everything the characters say is just their perspective and everyone got a different opinion on how they see being a shifter, no one’s 100% right.

This was the last fic of 2018 and you got no fucking idea how hard it was to have it ready in time. I almost didn't include the last part because of lack of time, but!! At the end I was able to add everything I wanted to!!! And publish it in time!!!

Special fic

Syntax error.

Listen. Listen. This. This is a special one, that's why I'm talking about this apart from the others. Why is this fic a special one you ask? Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've bEEN WORKING AROUND EIGHT MONTHS ON THIS SHIT BEFORE EVEN PUBLISHING IT?!

Listen. Just. Just listen. I spent way too much time just plotting this story. Way too long. I spent hours just ranting about this to my friends. I made a fucking playlist for this thing. I spent days just figuring out what the chapters will be named. I spent HOURS. DAYS. Researching each character to write them properly, there are chapters I've written like four times for this shit.

Now, is this perfect? Hell no. Specially the first chapters are unpolished as hell and you know you're gonna find typos because I always miss at least one. But as far as I'm concerned this is the only thing I'm actually putting effort into. All the other fics? All the other fics and series I've talked about? Those are just projects to pass the time. Stuff I do when I'm bored. I love them, sure, but it's not like it took more than three hours to write any of them. They're fun stuff, they're entertainment, they're something to pass the time. I will write them between classes or when I'm bored and open drive in my phone and write them without much planning or care. They're just that. Fun

But this thing? This thing right here? Syntax error? That's my baby. That's my goddamn main project. This thing right here already stole hours of my goddamn life and it will only keep stealing more. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly don't give a fuck how many people read this one, I'm past the point of caring. I have and will keep pouring tears, sweat and blood into this shit. This is something I actually care about. This. This is such a personal project guys…. I…. Love… This one…

So that's the retrospective of fics published on 2018!!!!

Man, that was fun, let's just hope 2019 is also a fun, productive year!!!!!

[fairycosmos]

hiya Chloe! hope you’re doing well!!

pls feel free to ignore this, but i’m sitting here thinking about what it is about (teenage) boys and their ability to make you feel utterly disgusting with they way they treat you. i remember when i was a bit younger all the boys in my class made me feel like a disgusting, contagious, disease ridden thing bc they would refuse to work with me or sit next to me or even acknowledge me, and they would give me dirty looks, laugh whenever i walked past them and make snide remarks. idk how to accurately describe the way they treated me bc it wasn’t direct confrontation, it was subtle enough for other people, especially teachers, not to notice. i noticed and i still feel incredibly gross in my own skin and i’m 22 now. why did they think it was okay to treat someone like that? what in their little underdeveloped brains made them think that that kind of behavior was okay and wouldn’t leave permanent scars? i could go on and on abt this, but i only have so many characters before i run out. idk if you or anyone else can relate but i’ve been thinking abt this a lot lately.

mannnn i just wanna hug past you and even present you. because i honestly can't tell you how much i relate lmfao its like ur in my brain or something UGH. there is nothing like going through this shit growing up, like nothing i can even think to compare it to. nd it's so so hard to forget what they said and did, even as an adult. i actually think so much of my personality is shaped around this very particular type of shame, and i often wonder about who i'd be if i wasn't constantly ostracized and outcasted in this very specific way in my youth. how there's a whole other version of grown up me i'm missing out on because of it. but yeah, the refusing to even sit next to you in class and the slight undermining of everything you ever did or said, even just walking past them in the hall. it was hell, it was actual dehumanization. at one point i stopped going to school because of it lmfao. i hate how they knew to keep it out of the way of the teacher, because they knew deep down they were being fucking assholes even if it wasn't overtly. it's even worse because, you just know that they barely remember any of it by this point. i bet when (or if) they think of us, ,they just see us as the weird girls that they used to go to school with. and not people they literally terrorized. i honestly have no idea what they were thinking either, i can't fathom it. obviously kids are annoying and insensitive but i was a kid too and i never ever fixed my mouth to go up to someone and make them feel like shit just for existing. ever. it's like you said - underdeveloped. but also, lacking empathy, full of ego and mostly just cruel. a lot of them r still the same way, probably, and they'll never have the self awareness to realize it. that's what makes me think their behaviour was a reflection of them above all else, it had nothing to do with me - and if it was all really because i didn't fit some dumb ass beauty standard when i was teenager then so be it, that's not a personal failing on my part either. what i noticed a lot about men and boys is that they will throw anyone, especially any girl, under the bus to impress each other. because being a cunt is their only personality trait and it's all they had to offer, and that's why they thought it was ok to act like that. they weren't funny or interesting on their own, they're never going to be. i'm really really sorry you had to deal with this too nd that it's still weighing heavily on you to this day. i think adulthood is just year after year of unpacking the pain of childhood and while it sucks you have to in the first place, please know that it is fully possible and that there's no rush. you deserve to like yourself, not just superficially but down to your core. you deserve to enjoy being you, that's the most important thing imo. sending you a lot of love. we both deserve free lifetime therapy tbh and those losers should have to pay for it!!!!! i hope you're doing well too angel x

[chocoboru]

People are supposed to pick one for me but i’m bored so i’m gonna answer ALL of these

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

The more Milk the better

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

If i’m not freezing my ass off in general HELL YEAH

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

Bookmarks

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

sweetener in there and i’m good (don’t drink coffee)

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

oh yes which makes my smiles look very awkward

6: do you keep plants?

Yes but they always die :(

7: do you name your plants?

They’re all called Planty

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

i just reblog stuff on tumblr lol

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

Yes i also talk to myself 24/7

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

Side

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

Baistenkleisten

12: what’s your favorite planet?

It used to be Saturn but then i found out it isn’t actually blue (don’t know why i thought i was) and now i’m pissed

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

a video of one of my favorite bands

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

i wouldn’t live with my best friend cause i love being alone

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

too lazy lmao

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

just plain pasta with tomatosauce

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

lilac

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i once let out a very loud fart in public

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

Yeah but i never ever use it

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

all eye colors are beautiful

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

i only have one and i use it cause i need a bag to carry things so yea

22: are you a morning person?

who even IS a morning person?

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

Youtube & Tumblr all day

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Yep my best friend

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

gurl i’ve never broken in anywhere lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Black shoes with smol red roses on the side

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i don’t like bubblegum

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

ehh nothin lol SORRY ILY but u ain’t cute omg i’m MEAN

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

Duh!

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

If i get the chance not to wear socks i will NOT wear socks. They’re just so uncomfortable and i HATE when i have to sleep with socks because it’s so cold URGH

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Never been with my friend til 3am 

33: what’s your fave pastry?

do Brezel count? If not then Croissaint

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

It’s a duck and it’s yellow with a red beak and plays a goodnight song. I used to have a purple one but i lost it somewhere and cried so much

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

I do! but i resist buying them because i would never ever use them

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

i’m sleepy so idk most bands i listen to are upbeat

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

it’s not like i LIKE it being messy i just really hate cleaning

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

just.. people lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

black duh

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

A moon necklace my mom got for me for my birthday! i wanted a moon necklace for so long and she just gave one to me and it’s made out of real silver like??!!

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

I only just read Percy Jackson please don’t kill me and I LUV IT

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

i don’t drink coffee

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

uhm my mom

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

bitch idk

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

hell NO

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

i love puns but idk i don’t feel like using my brain rn

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

onions!

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Death. I think it still is

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

Yes! I love supporting artist and hey if i buy a CD I have somethin from it too! Last CD i bought was a Ariana Grande album.

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

Disney coloring books and stickers lol

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

My best friend. One Last Time by Ariana Grande

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

I love Evil Patrick

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

Shame on me i’ve only seen Heathers and i did not like it at all

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

my best friend

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

uhh yell? lmao i don’t know

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

When they are kind to animals, when they love Disney or Harry Potter.. when they’re a fan of books

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

ugh gurl i don’t want to i’m tried af

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

GROUP of friends? Sweety no there is only one friend

59: what’s your favorite myth?

i only know conspiracies

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

I love Edgar Allan Poe

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

stupidest gift i’ve given was toilet paper

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

only if somewhere on vacay and i’ll drink orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

They are oraginized in a specific way and if anyone messes shit up i’ll be ANGRY. 

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

Grey-ish

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

no

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

flower crown sksksksks

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Happy, gloomy, comfy

68: what’s winter like where you live?

cold but not much snow

69: what are your favorite board games?

wizards chess duh

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

hell no i’m not messing with that shit

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

mint tea

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

i even forget to note things down

73: what are some of your worst habits?

i never clean things up after me 

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Sass master, kinda gross, gets me

75: tell us about your pets!

they all dead

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

taking a shower

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

i never had pink lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

HATEclub!!!

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

oh man there is a lot but like i said i don’t wanna use my brain rn

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

white and dark purple. I wanted a witchy vibe but failed hard

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

meh

82: are/were you good in school?

yes until the bullying got too bad and fucked me up

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

Lana Del Rey Paradise album

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

a tattoo for my dog and a disney tattoo

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

i used to read manga idk if that counts but not anymore

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

i guess

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

Jurassic Park, Lady and the Tramp, Mean Girls

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

i’m bored

89: are you close to your parents?

only to my mom

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

i didn’t travel a lot yet so i don’t have one

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

no where cuz i’m broke

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

there is no such thing as ‘too much cheese’ DROWN THAT BITCH

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

just my hair down i’m not good with beauty stuff i wish i was tho

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

my mom

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

eating

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i procrastinate until my computer doesn’t give me a choice anymore

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

can’t remembers, Capricorn but i relate more to my rising which is Cancer, and Hogwarts house is either Slytherin or Ravenclaw. I’d rather be a Ravenclaw i think

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uhhh..

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

ducks

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

future because i past was horrible