#idk man im sad and dysphoric

[miffydoll]

i had a terrible day hbu

[ftmtftm]

i wish the transmed anon understood we arent like, different. yes, im catgender, use neopronouns, i get silly with it. im also extremely dysphoric and im going to medically transition. idk man it just makes me sad to see someone having many of the same issues as me and then turn around and point the finger, "YOURE causing this!" like hello were in the same boat

Yeah exactly!!

If he admits you're same he loses his sense of superiority and the sense that he's "one of the good ones" though and that's... Really scary and difficult to let go of honestly? It's terrifying and hard to admit you were wrong and caused direct harm to other people with your words and actions. It's easy to buckle down and push yourself farther into asserting you're right even when you're not. Better to ignore the problem than address it type thinking.

We are all in the same boat though. Hopefully he realizes that sooner rather than later.

[v-anrouge]

I love vil so much as a character because I love that he use あたし (atashi) because I use atashi I love all vils so much because it makes me feel seen ??? if that makes sense like the 'not like other girls' was really pushed onto me as a kid and I couldn't have "those intrests" and dress like stereotypical girls and it really messed me up I repressed my femininity and love for girly stuff like pink and frills and it was just so icky :(((

idk the fact that vil is so feminine as a boy is just comforting especially bc he uses atashi it just makes me feel seen as a gender fluid person who finds alot of comfort in feminine and 'girly' things

im so eepy I'm getting sad but I though u would appreciate this ramble

NO EXACTLY RHIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM TOO! As a trans man that has struggled with gender my whole life and has only come to accept himself almost fully recently vil is such an important character to me, and i know it's not just for me, ive met several trans folk and non-binary people that get comfort from vil and his gnc rep, representation like this doesn't come by often, especially one that has stated his dislike to gender roles explicitly. vil means so much for people that don't follow society's views of gender, everything about him brings me immense happiness. im not joking when i say that when i feel dysphoric i go to search for content about him and it immediately cheers me up

[ann-decart]

christ almighty im feeling dysphoric today. fuck. and also ocd brain is at it again. brain bullshit under the cut

like every single time without fail that i feel remotely bad or unsatisfied with anything in my life or just feel like shit for no discernible reason, my ocd brain is never late to pour a barrel of feces over me along the lines of "how DARE you feel sad when the Horrors^tm are happening? how DARE you not consciously put in effort to make the Horrors^tm take up 110% of your mental space and consume 120% of your mental effort? no, 100% in each is NOT ENOUGH, you SELFISH, PRIVILEGED ASSWIPE WITH BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS. you are a HORRIBLE PERSON and YOUR MERE EXISTENCE IS A NEGATIVE NET EFFECT ON THIS WORLD, so you should GO DIE IN A HOLE because you're such an UNGRATEFUL IDIOT and a WASTE OF EVERY SINGLE KIND OF RESOURCE. also you should give away 130% of your money and all worldly possessions to those who are more deserving of it because they are suffering directly from the Horrors^tm. by the way your suffering is illegitimate and invalid and you should not only never bring it up but actually shove it up your ass in the most literal of senses. fuck you, you're a bad person and deserve to die the most horrible deaths known to man all in direct succession. suffer the most painful deaths in all eternity." and idk i wish i had a fucking break from all this nonsense and i also wish i was better at not exposing myself to all this shit that triggers it.

even now my ocd is trying to call me a bad person for phrasing its reasons for shitting on me in the most general way so that theres no risk of me getting accidentally cancelled for saying the wrong shit or having the wrong person see it and write a callout post for me. god knows i dont need THAT crap in my life. like fuck

can my ocd just magically go away PLEASE. please.

[neonstatic]

sex ed season four... not surprised the writers had no idea it was the last season. it's definitely the weakest season. i still remember how hooked in i was by s1 and s2, and i was in love w otis and eric's friendship and deeply related to both their personal struggles. and ofc i love all the characters too: maeve, aimee, ruby (ofc), adam (yes him too ofc!!), viv (underused underrated), jackson (ditto), isaac (literally my husband) and jean (milf).

i think the season lost me bc of its setting? why is cavendish some sort of lgbt haven school. it rly pulled me out, felt v utopic. i loved that there were new trans characters---and that they had a v untypical dynamic. roman is a gnc trans man and abbi is a trans girl, and i expected they would have as close to heteronormative sex as possible but nope! (i personally found roman v charming, he's my bb boy. but wtf does he have his gf's name tattooed so big non his chest jesus) i liked that there was a deaf character, aisha, who is queer and poly...but all 3 of them were so lacking in personality. they felt like checkmarks :/ i liked cal's introduction to the story in s3 but they too feel like a checkmark. i know that they're nb, dysphoric, quiet, and like to smoke. that is sooo little info. even o---whose character was butchered and made into a villain post-production according to yasmine benoit, her creator---has a lot more personality. and ykno what, yeah o was very unlikeable. she looked smug and two-faced. me personally? i like that and i found her cool. it's still sad tho that it wasn't the intention at all, and that it makes one of the few ace characters in media into a manipulative dick whose coming out scene didn't feel genuine.

still glad maeve and otis broke up i rly couldn't stand them together anymore teehee no more push and pull, no more on-off!

eric meeting god was corny ok. wtv happened to realism. rly had to suspend my disbelief w this one. (lowkey also when the pastor went to the school ball. it feels too good to be true idk.) but it's fitting htat he wants to be a pastor. ruby should become a pr manager srsly. and she should date me. jackson and cal should get back together also. or not. i don't believe in hs sweethearts. (says the one who was classmates w elementary school sweethearts)

joanna was such an annoying character im sorry. why would you do that. and who tf is dan i dont remember him

anyway yeah you can tell it shouldn't have been the last season. i was happy to get a finale cus so many shows go on forever but yeah that wasn't a proper ending. oh well!

[me4ttzar]

idk why taste in men by placebo has just become a trans song in my mind but it has like??!?!

idk my brain mostly associates it with dating as a trans man and never being seen as a real man/feeling bad for your partner because you know youll never be a real boy like they want so like "change your taste in men"

this song is also just good and i like listening to it when im sad and dysphoric

[spartalabouche]

am i cringe forfeeling left out that there are way fewer memes/jokes about people who use they pronouns than people who useshe and he. like i still like those jokes and i dont think there should be less of them i just cant even be the ‘im whatever gender makes the joke funny’ kind of person because it makes me uncomfortable to be gendered at all . and im not saying please manufacture pronoun jokes for the theythems right now either its just like. idk. i want to be in on the gnc pronouns funny genderjokes without having tobe like haha yeah i can be a girl in themoment i guess

[bottom-lexa]

Look. I know this is something really stupid to get upset over. But every goddamn time someone reads me to be a kid I get really pissed off because it makes my dysphoria go ballistics. Like how am I ever supposed to pass as a grown man when someone thinks I’m a 12 y/o girl? It makes me feel less of a man because it’s like. I’ll never be seen as one.

[gaycatpark]

imagine a future where no one- including me- hesistates to refer to me in masculine terms in social situations

[lovecrazedpup]

Yeah

[saskiavalentineapologist]

i’m going on a trip to see my girlfriend june 26th to july 3rd. im really excited about it!! but

her family is really conservative, and im....well. me. a hairy nb butch lesbian. and i’ve managed to avoid shaving for the summer so far but...i think before the trip im going to have to. 

and i hate it, i hate it so much. not having hair makes me feel so dysphoric, it’s the only thing that really triggers my dysphoria.

idk man. sad roselyn hours tonight boys

[take-some-vampire-money-bro]

4 , 28 & 29 for trans asks 🐊

okie dokie here we go!

4. what do you do to perform self-care when you're feeling dysphoric?

hmmm that's a good question. I feel like since my dysphoria comes in a lot of different forms at different times it depends? These days I don't usually have severe dysphoric episodes, which is ironic bc im quarantined w my transphobic family. But when I used to in school from getting misgendered I would usually call Chris tbh. Or just try to vent to another trans person. And once in a while I'll look for trans positivity that helps me out a little. But other than that I don't think I have much of a set routine of what I do?? These days my dysphoria has been more subtle and like "ew I don't like this" rather than like going full depression mode. Like the back of my mind type of stuff. And idk how to deal w it??? I guess I just Try to find things to relate 2 and project my personal experience w transness on interests.

28. how do you feel about trans representation in media?

EXTREMELY important and very lacking. Like in movies the majority of what I find are only abt trans women, and all of those that I have seen are just flat out shitty and played by cis men 🤡🤡🤡

And it just makes me feel so invisible bc I don't see much of trans men in media. But one good example of ftm rep is on the show 911 Lonestar. It's a show basically abt firefighters. Has Rob Lowe starring it. I've only seen like 2 eps and it's not bad at all. They have a black trans man in the show, and though his transness is obviously not his focal point, I think it's so COOL how they portrayed the parts where they did mention it. He has this ability to read ppl and assess what kind of person they are because transphobia conditioned him to be careful and find out who they are before they clock him. And that's now a SKILL that he has and helps him get hired on the team. Like idk abt u but that's a gigantic mood and so telling of so many trans experiences. It's definitely sad that it's an outcome of such a terrible experience that he and the rest of trans folks shouldn't have even needed to face, but idk it makes me happy that he was able to take a positive out of that and use it to his advantage. Such a cool premise.

29. who is your favorite trans celebrity?

off the top of my head??? hhhhhhh id have to say laura jane grace just bc I dont know enough of them and the ones I do know of I haven't even seen their work or anything.

[saprophetic]

(this is abt internalized transphobia so like dont read if ur upset by that its mostly me like. workin thru some Shit ive got goin in in my brain)

being a transmasc mlm is like. a little wild because theres a part of me thats like terrified of dating men BECAUSE im trans, and im like constantly afraid that like hed see me as a woman and thats why hes into me and i would rather die than date someone who sees me as a woman, and then the other part of me is like "well clearly only someone whos bi or pan could possibly be into you because no matter how masculine you look youll obviously ALWAYS look like a girl so anyone you date has to be attracted to men AND women" and its just. h. please can i for one moment have a bit of rest. just a tiny little ounce of peace. idk where im going with this or like what The Point is im just like dysphoric and sad and just. h. like i wouldnt want to date a straight person anyway but i think id be more comfortable with dating a straight woman than having a straight man even be attracted to me in passing and just. ugh. idk. idk! im just tired.

[olobernotsykes]

The AsksTM - all

I hate you. under a cut because jesus fuck that was 70 QUESTIONS

1. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? - hhh

2. Who did you last say “I love you” to? - you lmao

3.  Do you regret anything? - Being Born

4.  Are you insecure? - yes about Everything,

5.  What is your relationship status? - alex did you even read these

6.  How do you want to die? - slowly and painfully

7.  What did you last eat? - c a k e

8.  Played any sports? - nope

9.  Do you bite your nails? - yea lol

10.  When was your last physical fight? - neverTM

11.  Do you like someone? - no. i hate everyone.

12.  Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? - surprisingly no

13.  Do you hate anyone at the moment? - YES

14.  Do you miss someone? - lowkey all my friends?

5.  Have any pets? - CAT

16.  How exactly are you feeling at the moment? - I’m A Sad Little Man,

17. Ever made out in the bathroom? - ive FUCKED in a PUBLIC bathroom

18. Are you scared of spiders? - not scared i just Dislike The

19. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? - yeah i gotta Warn my younger self

20. Where was the last place you snogged someone? - don’t remember? its been a while

21. What are your plans for this weekend? - to die

22. Do you want to have kids? How many? - yes. i have 6 cats

23. Do you have piercings? How many? - 6 

24. What is/are/were your best subject(s)? - none of them i think

25. Do you miss anyone from your past? - from my.. Past, no

26. What are you craving right now? - serotonin

27. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? - ,, yeah

28: Have you ever been cheated on? - nope

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? - ,, y eah ,

30: What’s irritating you right now? - The Fact That I Am The Way That I Am

31: Does somebody love you? - no!

32. What is your favourite color? - red NO black. both

33. Do you have trust issues? - Severely,

34. Who/what was your last dream about? - i dont remember actually i barely ever dream

35. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - i cry in school a lot so probably my geometry class

36. Do you give out second chances too easily? - definately sksjkskk

37. Is it easier to forgive or forget? - forgive

38. Is this year the best year of your life? - the worst actually!

39. How old were you when you had your first kiss? - 13

40. Have you ever walked outside completely naked? - id rather die

51. Favourite food? - CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE BABY!

52. Do you believe everything happens for a reason? - not really? idk i prefer not to think about that

53. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? - i do not remember at all uh

54. Is cheating ever okay? - No

55. Are you mean? - i dont think so but i have a tendency to lash out when im overwhelmed so.. sometimes?

56. How many people have you fist fought? - 1, god

57. Do you believe in true love? - Yeah Cause Im In It!

58. Favourite weather? - fall, but not like gross soggy fall, like where its warm/cool but maybe there’s a breeze so u need a sweater

59. Do you like the snow? - aesthetically

60. Do you wanna get married? - yeah!

61. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? - YEAH!!

62. What makes you happy? - ALEX my cats minecraft thats it

63. Would you change your name? - I Can I Have And I Will Again

64. Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? - YE S

65. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - idk? ive had this happen and i handled it Poorly

66. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? - yeah

67. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? - i hate these “opposite sex” questions its making me dysphoric could you have just said GENDER and made this easier

68. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - alex

69. Do you believe in soulmates? - hm. kinda

70. Is there anyone you would die for? - … probably alex,

[trans-matters]

Im ftm and pre everything. Recently, one of my friends told me I'm one of the most feminine boys she's ever met, and I understand she meant personality wise but it still bothered me? I know it's okay for boys to be feminine, but I feel like it's different since I'm trans. Idk how to avoid hypermasculinity considering how much I'm pushed to prove that I'm "really" trans. Any advice on how to embrace some femininity without feeling dysphoric??

Trans men are men so if it’s okay for cis guy to be feminine, it’s okay for you to be feminine.  I would keep in mind that everyone’s perception of you is a little different. Just because you are a little more in touch with your feminine side does not make you any less of a man. It makes me so sad that being seen as feminine is considered a weakness and makes people uncomfortable. I think this just means you are considerate of others, you are thoughtful, emotional and expressive and there is nothing wrong with being a powerful, gentle, feminine soul in a world full of hate and toxic masculinity. 

Kyle

[kris-side]

okay so 

im putting this under a readmore just cause its kinda long and I wanna try and not clog the dash or whatever

you can read though all this mess if you want, i’d probably be happy if you did, but you dont gotta. its just me rambling a lot trying to talk about stuff and being sad. I just kinda. wanna get stuff off my chest? And maybe you can give me advice, maybe you cant, this is mostly just for me. “well why are you posting it then” well maybe its cause a little reassurance now and then doesnt fucking hurt lmfao. i know none of you would probably say that its more me @ myself

you know that whole 'not feeling trans enough' really is a big fuckin mood sometimes like

I try not too. Think too much or too hard about it. Like. Okay sure. I have a few friends that call me Chris, I even have one of my teachers calling me that! He's chill and good.

Im he/him online but offline is 90% out of the question, Im still Kristin to almost everyone. Im starting to only introduce myself as Chris though. I think thats a good name that I can and will stick with.

And its like I may not be a girly girl but I feel. Too much of a girl to tell people im he/him you know.

I dont post many pictures of myself but i've got long hair, a girly face (i think?), a big chest (that ones super ugh). Im not really. Dysphoric to the point where I super duper hate my body and cannot live with it, but i've never liked my chest, at all. (And I think gender wise or not I’ve just kinda always disliked my body, since. Im not athletic, I feel fat and like im only getting worse which i probably am) What I wouldnt give to be flat again. What I wouldnt give for people at my highschool to never make comments about my big chest ever again- my fucking. One of my friends (granted he's really stupid) used to call me 'moon balloons' and do you have any idea how upsetting that was? I just. But i tried to laugh it all, oh its just a joke. Another friend used to always comment on my chest and how he wanted to motorboat me, and so did the first friend mentioned. I think they probably both liked me but i was just. Ugh. I hated it so much but did they stop? No. They treated me like my chest was all I was, I feel like a lot of people thought of me and saw me like that too. I have no doubt. 

And like I feel like I havent had the right experiences, but thinking about it, when I was in middle school I used to tell people 'im a boy trapped in a girls body' and I dont know anything clearer than that. I didnt even know what being trans was at the time you know, i didnt have much internet access or exposure to things like that. I started thinking about it more in highschool but I was always too afraid.

Ocrober of 2016 I told my mom was trans, by accident. You'd probably think 'by accident? How?' Well, it was like. Me and my mom had to buy me something nice for the NHS orientation, being a senior, I had to read some stuff. I introduced all the incoming members. So we did that, and she was just. Stressing me out. I joked about wearing a guy’s outfit. Dont think my mom liked that. I found something that I actually kinda liked, something I would wear, but she didnt want me to wear it. Why??? Idfk. Maybe its cause it was grey but nothings wrong with grey? She wanted me to wear more colorful, frilly things. Things I didnt wanna wear. I liked what I had cause it had kind of a tutleneck thing going on and had long sleeves, and i was always self conscious of my hairy arms. Or just my arms in general, idk, but. She started getting mad at me and I started getting upset to the point I was crying and then in the changing room I blurted out that I was trans. Afterwards I tried to roll with it and explain to her, but I started feeling less sure as I went on. I wasnt sure this was the right decision at all. 

It hasnt been brought up since. I think maybe she forgot about it, or she thinks I’ve grown out of it or something. And i dont think my step-dad would support it, I dont think the rest of my family would, though. Im not sure how much I Really care about the rest of my families opinions (most of them are pretty shitty. My step-dads side is good though).

Though I mean idk. I cant know for sure unless I bring it up but I just. Cant. What if they hate me? I dont think my mom will but my step-dad? I dunno, what if he gets mad at my mom for it? What if he leaves cause of it- i cant. Deal with that kinda stress, my mom's been through 1 divorce already cause i think my dad was cheating on her, I would die if I was the reason it happened again. I think Im really afraid mostly because I’ve heard them make comments like, my dad’s side of the family on Christmas they talked about. Caitlyn Jenner, and they just. Didnt seem very happy with the idea of a man transitioning to a woman, so. Why would I be the acceptation, cause Im family? Or maybe thats just a whole different story but idk. 

I know thats probably really stupid but its how I feel. And I feel like. What if I do regret it? What if im not happy with how i turn out. I dunno. I dont really wanna have kids of my own, adopting always sounded more appealing, but i just. Dont know? I dont know. And I mean thats life but I just

i dunno