#idk maybe I am too sensitive but just one fucking day where I actually get to talk to you for a solid block of time isn’t too much to ask 4

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[findafight]

Au idea I'll probably never write:

Steve as seven au, BUT he escapes at the same time as El in season 1. They get separated after Benny's, when seven tells eleven to run and definitely kills a couple government agents to give her more time.

So the a plot of will being missing and Mike finding El? Standard canon except El is ALSO looking for her brother and is worried about him. She sees that he's mostly safe and tries to help find will but also insists she go to her brother soon.

B plot of barb and Nancy...idk I haven't really thought about how that'd work without Steve's kickback. Maybe they go to a party (like actual party not the five person hangout) together and get separated and no one notices barb disappear from the edge of the lawn. Idk

The C plot is seven, kinda bloody and definitely cold, wandering out into the middle of the street, and one Robin Buckley almost running him over with her bike. She immediately clocks "guy who seems pretty fucked up" about him, and offers him a ride to her house. But Robin has never been the most coordinated of people and biking with a(admittedly probably too skinny) teenage boy sitting in her package rack is hard, and combine that with a guy driving like the devil's after him, they end up swerving of the road.

Eddie steps out, apologizes profusely, and offers them a ride. seven is sceptical, especially when both of them pause when he tells them his name, but does end up in the van. He finally gets a chance to breathe once they get to the Buckleys', and Robin gets him some leftovers.

He sits in front of the tv set to a blank station, tucks his head into his shirt instead of blindfolds, and tries to see El.

He sees her older, with flowers braided through long hair, laughing. Too far. He sees her with short curls, a patterned button down, eating something in a cone beside a mustachioed man. Too far again. He sees her tiny, scared, holding his own small hand. Not far enough.

Finally, finally, he sees her as she knows her now, mostly, standing beside a group of children and in front of a monster in a large room.

Eddie and Robin have no idea why their new friend? Has turned the tv on to static and is hiding in his shirt, but figure he's had a rough day. He pops his head back out, blood dripping from his nose, and grins, telling them he knows where his sister will be.

Anyways blah blah blah El sees where people ARE Steve sees where people have been/will be (based on where/who they are right now. Futura is constantly in motion etc).

Idk season 2 would happen very similar as canon minus stancy break up (they never date and are just friends) (also Steve tells Robin and Eddie he and El are safe and they pass it on to the kids) El finds Kali, Steve fights demodogs, etc etc.

But I want a (pre?) season 3 scene where Robin and Steve are hanging out as soulmates do, door closed because they are discussing Sensitive Subjects (gay shit) and giggling like schoolgirls. Hopper, in all his disappointed dad glory, opens the door and starts in on a rant about keeping the door open three inches.

Steve, bitch that he is, just tilts his head to the side and says "but that is for when we are with people we date. I am not dating Robin."

Hopper, not yet picking up what's happening, sighs. "Kid. It's about propriety. You can't be alone with Robin, because what if you do start dating. Then it's. You have to set an example for El!"(it would be a nice move bringing up Older Brother Responsibility, except...well.)

"but we aren't. I am dating someone else?"

"still need the door open three inches, pal. When El is home, at least"(El is almost always home)

"we do! And you complain about the loud music!"

"wait. Who are you dating? I thought Nancy was dating Jonathan still. She barely comes over." Hopper please pick up what Steve is putting down oh my god.

(hop has forgotten Robin is there and she is trying very hard not to make noise but Steve keeps meeting her eye sometimes because dear god. truly an iconic moment in friendship history.)

"yeah obviously. Eddie comes over all the time, though."

"what does Ed- oooh. Ah. I see. That's why you keep the door open even though he complains."

Steve nods like Hopper is the dumbest man on the planet. He might just be. "Yes. Because you said El had to and she asked why I didn't have to so then I started to leave it open when Eddie was over. At least Eddie doesn't laugh at you to your face"

"Eddie laughs behind my back?"

"he said you didn't know we were dating but I told him of course you knew, the door is open three inches."

Hopper clasps Steve's shoulders and looks him in the eye. "Steve, I need you to keep telling him that. And not mention this very awkward conversation we had."

"because he was right."

"he doesn't need to know that."

That's all I got lmao (also check the tag ramble I added lol)

[chaepink]

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ Works in Progress! ❤ - 25

last updated: 11.29.23

- this only include requests I've received and not my own ideas - i can choose to write your request into a drabble instead of a full fic if i feel like i can't write it into a fic (or if you don't really specify)

disclaimer: i reserve the right to combine requests if they're similar

Haikyu!!

♡ tsukishima kei

bratty tsukishima w edging and overstim pls bae :)

Aha ay Can I request edging and overstimming Tsukki as punishment after a whole day of him being a brat? Maybe some dacryphilia if you're up for it Ty so much for your time! I love your work

♡ kenma kozume

Kenma as a part-time stripper? Or just a stripper please

♡ osamu miya & atsumu miya

Can I request one where we peg osamu in front of atsumu as punishment for being a brat, we just keep calling osamu a good boy while completely ignoring atsumu, and once we're done with osamu we pound the fuck out of atsumu 😫🙏

My Hero Academia

♡ midoriya izuku

Hey, Can you write for Midoriya with a mommy/Daddy Kink where Midoriya had a bad day and wants to be pampered

I AM BEGGING YOU TO WRITE ABOUT FEM!READER PUNISHING (SPANKING) A SENSITIVE AND SPOILED IZUKU MIDORIYA EVEN THO HES BEING THE GOODEST BOY AS ALWAYS

♡ iida tenya

can i have a iida being hit by sex pollen and reader helping him out please

request numero dos idk but iida with nipple piercings has me reeling. tbh the chance of him actually ever getting them is zero but he actually does and reader discovers them? hoo boy. Imagine he got them all for reader too

♡ dabi

hiii can i request a sugar baby!dabi x sugarmommy!reader were dabi weres the most sluttiest things every day just so people can compliment him and so that the reader punishes and fucks him everyday cause reader is possesive and is turned on by what he wears and dabi also trys to stick his ass almost everywere cause reader is an ass person

♡ shigaraki

hey I was wondering if you could write about sub tomura shigaraki whose a virgin and like being humiliated and degraded? Thanks<3

Chainsaw Man

♡ aki

hi chae!! can i request a sub aki w bondage ? he'd look so good tied up ughngnng..,.,

♡ denji

can i request first time w denji??😊 he would be so pussy drunk n dumb n begging for more loorrrddd

Demon Slayer

♡ rengoku

hii so can you do a sub!rengoku x femdom!vampire reader one? details: y/n is having a bad day and rengoku wants to see whats up with her yk? and when hes finally sick of seeing her bottling all this anger up he wants her to take out her anger on him. Like he just offers her his neck with no hesitation yk? AAAA im down bad (pls include choking and her marking him as well)

Jujutsu Kaisen

♡ gojo satoru

If you're up for it, I have a request or a concept you're more than welcome to add on to or take away from! Please and thank you <3 You know how Gojo thinks he's all that? He's rich, charming, and the greatest sorcerer. He should be worshiped and praised at all times for it, right? Basically, he's being annoying so you punish him by riding him and while acting tired and disinterested at the same time since he lives for attention and praise. It should totally eat him up the fact that you're not praising him for being a good boy, for making you feel good- paired with your lazy movements, pretty much edging him the whole time. You bet your ass he tears up when you fake yawn lmao

Bully reader with nerd virgin Gojo please

ALRIGHTALRIGHTALRIGHT- Can I request making Gojo keep a remote vibrator up his ass for a day. Like you'll go to meetings and missions with him while fuckin around with the remote kicking up the intensity to make him squirm and hold back moans.

Sub bully gojo like he was planning on fucking and bullying reader when the opposite went way? Like reader had enough of his bullshit and makes him cry and overstimulates him?

Can i request sub yandere Gojo hcs , him as a boyfriend

♡ sukuna

Request for fem!reader × sukuna. I'm sick of these fanfictions where a character humiliates, insults, changes and the reader accepts it with adoration. Why not put bully!sukuna in its place? It can be a Sukuna king or a Sukuna at school. Facesitting, strangulation or a strap that will make a Sukuna regret

♡ geto suguru

Hi! I'd like to request for something with Geto Suguru and dumbification please. How about a scenario where gn!reader (with yandere undertones if you're okay with that) gets jealous when Geto was just being too nice with someone else, and takes him home to fuck him roughly until he's drooling all over himself. <3 Thank you if you do this!

♡ megumi

Coyld u pls write megumi with dom and mean reader with mommy kink. Then the reader's overstimulating him till he cry or smthng. (Then there's a fluff in the end?)😭 LIKE PLLSSS

♡ toji

Hi I was the anon who asked about requests- may I request Toji being a brat so you edge him And if you're up for it some knifeplay too with his own cursed dagger Tysm in advance and I love your writing!!

♡ yandere

Could you write sub!yandere/dom!reader where the reader doesn't actually feel sexual attraction but likes to watch their reactions to things like overstim, edging, object insertion, toys, etc?

BABE ILY AND YOUR WORK PLS PLS CAN YOU MAKE MASC!DOM READER WITH A HAREM OF HEAD OVER HEELS YANDERE BOYS!! reader is teasing, cheeky, taunting, etc, yk the personality like a fox? Yeah! And reader is a experimentalist master who is a really addictive sadist? -love you♡♪

Just another brat Yandere w strict gn/m!dom🤭 look straps are very versatile too you know sizes…

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Look….more mommy hwa and more answered asks about Christopher being possessive and freaky…

I needed this thank you 🥹

Today is very very hard and I’m feeling a lot of hard feelings and life rn so overwhelming and confusing. I’m the type of person who’s got a hard shell but it’s made of like bulletproof armor on the outside but I’m v gooey and sensitive inside. I didn’t realize I needed some good brainrot inducing delulu soup to distract me so 🤌🏻 thank you

CW: WHORNY AF HARD THOTS AND DELULU SOUP

So Christopher *sigh* idk what I want to ask just my aqua sun6h/Scorpio moon3h/Leo rising/aqua Mercury 7h/sag Venus5h/Leo mars1h ass is like…………

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos. I read him as wanting to break someone who’s normally very strong minded and kept together and so like very much Brat Tamer I guess. Like after he makes you cum on his mouth and then on his fingers, he wants to degrade you in the gentlest way and praise you, his voice saccharine, while he manhandles you and fucks you hard. You’re cock drunk and starting to cry a little from how good it feels and from the overstimulation. The type to make you tell him out loud what you want and where you want him and that you don’t want him to stop and make you beg him to cum and tell him how good he feels and that only he does that to you bc he’s possessive and he’s got an ego and needs you to need him in every way possible.

something about him and his Gemini rising tells me he might be good with his hands ~that might be my hand kink tho clouding my judgement(Gemini Lilith 😅) ~ *cough*cough*

ANYWAYS

He wants to break you open and make sure you can be that vulnerable and submissive to him and him only, also to know you at a very deep level. Whether you get to know him at that deep of a level is another story and depends on how deep he is in his fuckboy ways. He wants you a lady in the streets and HIS freak in the sheets. But he totally wants to corrupt you and his sag mars: he wants to try new shit with you and be adventurous and explore new kinks etc etc.

Every break down of this man’s chart has me like “oh yes pls, 😊. yes ma’am I’ll take one, where do I purchase this?”

And everyone’s like he’s this and that and potentially toxic in these ways and idk if I’m enamored by his Libra charm or what but I’m like “I can handle him, the question is actually ‘Can he handle me?’” and it’s very delulu but also I think that thought is kinda true. (hypothetically and astrologically speaking) In my little brainrot soup for the night 🥰

I can’t even begin on mommy Hwa and the gooey lovey mess he turns my brain into. Something about him is so tender but also like so so so so so freaky but like gentle but so fucking kinky? Idk that man + mommy kink + body worship + needy/clingy doms is so so so good. You’re one of my fav fic writers, and my fav mommy hwa enthusiast. Thank you for serving and thank you for your brain and thank you for the distraction on a hard day like today 🖤

Much appreciate, have a lovely rest of your week, and as always cool pillow on both sides for you!

I CANT PUT PICS IN ANONYMOUS ASKS WTF…. Fuck it I’ll go off anon for this

This is 🖤Anon on my side blog/lurk account 😅

I am ending tonight's 2 hour post of going through my asks with this absolute banger of an ask from @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell and also hi Izzy!

I'm Ruby! It's nice meeting you *hugs*

I understand how life can feeling overwhelming and frustrating when things don't go you way. I am also a golden retriever disguised as a black cat and us fire placements want love and care too.

I hope things get better for you <3

Imagine him like soft dom but so so so into like corruption but not necessarily always meaning inexperienced partner, but maybe inexperienced in all the kinks and little taboos.

This section has me feeling shit at 10:33 pm on a Tuesday afternoon while watching Chris D'Elia 'Man On Fire' on Netflix.

I just love how Bang Chan stans have silently agreed that Chan's corruption kink is fucking massive and do we have any physical evidence?

No-

But with his massive caregiver complex and Daddy kink, it kinda goes hand in hand.

I can just imagine that paragraph so vividly just him covered in sweat, his black hair sticking to the sides of his face and his mouth all shiny with spit and your cum just smirking at how fucked out you are, your eyes are beginning to cross and there's drool against the pillow.

'Don't black out on me yet baby girl, mmmh? Daddy still needs to cum'

OR...OR!!!

You're crying and sobbing against the pillow because he's edged you within an inch of your breath and the pressure is so tight it HURTS and your legs are spasming and face contorted with need as you just beg your pretty heart out.

'Please, I can't take it anymore, please make me cum, I'll do anything, please Daddy i just need it'

And then he would hover over you, wipe the drool from your mouth and press gentle kisses across your face as he pushes himself into you.

'See, that wasn't so hard wasn't it? Daddy will always reward my baby girl when she asks for something yeah?'

I also don't know how ppl enjoy being edged so severely man, I would tap out after 20 mins.

Overstimulation all the way for me.

Yeah, his Gemini Rising means he would be an exceptional kisser and great with his fingers.

His Libra stellium also means he has amazing stroke game but moving back to the kissing.

I feel like he would be a messy kisser (in a good way) like the loud smacking noises, drool and spit, definitely makes little sighs and noises of satisfaction in between kisses.

When Chan leaves his fuckboi era, sex would be incredibly emotionally intimate because he loves and adores how he sees you in a way no one does.

I have this thought that sex with Bang Chan could be so intimate, you would both end up crying and not in a dacryphilia way but in a 'i fucking love you so much and it's so emotional' way.

As much as Bang Chan likes fucking, he enjoys making love more.

And here's the thing right, Bang Chan's frontal lobe has developed so he doesn't even has the neurological excuse of 'well his brain is not fully developed yet' because NOW IT IS.

Also, your placements are low-key intimidating because wow, they are powerful.

I think Bang Chan would like the challenge of being able to handle you.

Seonghwa is definitely freaky and kinky and is very hardcore, he likes it hard, he likes it rough, he prefers a jackhammering pace (which is a bit of an ick of me because that doesn't sound enjoyable but okay).

I think the reason why jackhammering gives me an ick is because rough and fast doesn't always mean good okay?

I think a slow but deep and firm pace is better because you can get a better angle and hit the right spot every time.

But I also understand that some ppl like being treated like a battering ram during sex and that is also okay.

He would give you brilliant aftercare and reassurance though and that's what matters.

Thank you for the thirst my sweet, I will gobble this up and use this as my fantasy thoughts for sleep tonight.

Yum yum.

[loth-creatures]

Knowing how much Ahsoka struggled to be Sabine's master --- would she get advice from Kanan when she visits Lothal? Most likely giant wolf to giant wolf??

Wellll see I kinda ditched the entire Jedi!Sabine narrative. Listen if they HAD to go that direction, I believe they could have done it well but they really did not (to put it generously), and while I've considered trying to do it better myself, at the end of the day I wish they just hadn't done that at all.

Tldr: Ahsoka and Kanan probably will have a giant wolf to giant wolf conversation but idk if it'll be about looking out for Sabine or searching for Ezra or what

So this is my tentative and unrefined interpretation of Ahsoka and Sabine's relationship for SWW Ahsoka, aka roughly how I imagined it would be like before that damn show ever came out (sorry in advance this spiraled all over the place. I meant to elaborate a little bit and then I couldn't stop. I tried to keep it concise but. There's a lot to unpack that I didn't expect to have to unpack in order to get to the point lol)

First and foremost Sabine isn't fucking Force-sensitive. Ahsoka teaches her a lot about the Jedi, and continues her lightsaber training, and I think Jedi teachings and excercises can have a lot of value to ordinary people! But she's not trying to be a Jedi. Ahsoka does feel mentorly instincts towards Sabine, partly bc she knows what she's going through as a very young veteren and genocide survivor. Partly bc she does feel the need to pass her knowledge on to someone. Partly bc deep down Ahsoka is pretty damn lonely too, and Sabine is very family-shaped. And also because wolfwalkers stick together.

They call her Ahsoka's 'practice padawan' as a joke. Huyang is like. You really ought to find a Padawan one of these days. And Ahsoka's like. Why would I need a Padawan I have Sabine. And Huyang is like. Listen I'm very happy to have Sabine with us but you ought to get a real Padawan.

But how could Ahsoka ever take on a student while she's still wrangling with whether or not she wants to be a Jedi? Which, they never actually show her making a decision on that. Or rather there's really no transition between "I am no Jedi" and whatever she's got going on in the show which. Long story short, I hated it. Ass writing. In my personal opinion.

I think I’m just gonna lean into the idea that she feels like she can't truly be a Jedi whether she wants to or not bc she was trained to be a soldier instead, combined with the fear of Anakin's darkness manifesting in herself, distrust of his training, etc. Up until the point where she decides to put Anakin behind her for good and trust in her own experiences, during her WBW adventure (which goes way differently in my head but I will elaborate on that later. Maybe.) But for the purposes of this au, she doesn't even commit to being a Jedi again until dying for the 3rd(?) time and honestly maybe she still doesn't. Maybe it takes all the way to wet puppy Shin dropping in her lap that she sees her path as a Jedi path. Idk.

Ahsoka's arc is not an aspect of the story I expected to address in depth myself so idk how much I'm gonna get into it within the comic itself. It's hard to go over every issue bc lothwolfwalkers is just an anthology series adapting small chunks of the timeline that I find work well with the wolfwalking, and I'm trying not to make more work for myself than I have to, bc I already have plenty. Rewrite is maybe a strong word, when I'm just cherry picking what I liked from the ahsoka show and adjusting what I didn't like in a way that keeps the overall plot intact for simplicity sake. I will eventually write an official detailed ahsoka-from-my-head post, but the comics will just be little scenes based on that.

Anyway,

Regarding Sabine and Ahsoka's falling out. It doesn’t happen. In fact I think Ahsoka will take Sabine under her wing after the fall of Mandalore and they just immediately start looking for Ezra in the unknown regions, bc Sabine is like hey I have nothing left here can we go look for my brother now. They don't find anything. Eventually Ahsoka gets wrapped up in other business and Sabine ends up back on Lothal depressed as fuck (despite Kanan, Hera, and Zeb's best efforts to be there for her, infinitely more than what is depicted in the show) until Ahsoka finds the map and shows up for round 2. Or smth like that.

Side note: I am going to declare the Wrens MIA not dead. Because I hate hate hate that they were unceremoniously killed off screen and wasted the way they were. I guess I could just unkill them completely but well I am a sucker for that angst and something about the devastation of that reveal seared it so deep in my head that I can't imagine the story without it now (thanks for that Dave. Fuck you Dave.) So uh, they're trapped on Mandalore with those other survivors from Mando S3. After Sabine's already left for Peridea they manage to finally get off Mandalore due to S3 events and track down Hera and are like WHERE IS SABINE. Cue Clan Wren Ghost Crew team up to get their fucking kids back. Though everyone will probably make it back on their own before they figure out a way to hop galaxies.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Tw: Sui ideation, self-harm, general sui warning because idk?

Looking for: Advice

Okay, so, I'm kind of really scaring myself lately. I'm used to being able to be hit with emotional stuff and cope (in healthy or minorly unhealthy ways).

But lately I've been having worse s/h urges than usual (I want to actually draw blood and/or get something sharp to use), and there's been a couple times where the suicidal urges have been really strong.

There was a point a few years ago where I was on the edge of going and committing suicide, but my Mother (though unhelpful, could stop me) was there at the time and I didn't s/h. I've hit that point again a couple of times, and the only thing I've really managed to do with it is say "let me just do this thing, and then we'll go". Said thing is really easy for me to get locked into hyperfixation loops on so bad I'll fall asleep doing it, which is why it's my go-to, but I'm scared if I get bored of it I won't have anything stopping me anymore.

And whenever I get to these points I think, maybe I should call a hotline or something or have Mother (albeit. sleeping.) call the hotline, but I keep thinking I'm not actually going to do anything, I'm not actually feeling these urges I'm just stressed and thinking of easy outs and I just want attention.

And I know you're supposed to "call before it's too late" and "you're not seeking attention" but also. How do I know the difference between just wanting to and being at genuine risk of doing something? What if I'm really just over exaggerating? Maybe part of this is because the last time I got to this point Mother said I was being sensitive and it was my fault, etc., but I don't know.

And it's usually worn off when I wake up, so it's not really an emergency I guess? Not like I have a note or anything set up if it does happen or like I have a method or anything. There's no plan it's just like...I want to just walk out on the road and let it happen. Maybe that counts as a plan. I don't know.

But either way, I just. I don't know. It's never been so strong and so real so often, that one time was rock bottom in an already dark place, but now it's happening consistently, at least once a week if not twice or more. And it's stupid because then, like, I could be on the verge of just going through with it one night, and the next day going "yeah idk what the fuck I was on about this is tolerable", so it feels even more invalid and idk. It's so stupid. I have no idea when I should really take the risk of trying to call something or however that works (I don't even know how it works.) and I'm scared if I tell my therapist about it, he won't let me choose he'll just call. But what if I am just exaggerating and he tells me that I'm just overreacting?? Fjdjansnwjajsnnf

Haven't said anything because the only people with me rn are my Mother (concerns discussed), my therapist (concerns discussed), and my brother but. Idk. I'm scared my brother will just think I'm overreacting to nothing or whatever (he doesn't know most of my life history, and struggles understand stuff like neurodivergence beyond stereotypes, and while he brought up it sounded like I had depression at one point, I'm still unsure on where he might stand with mental illness), or that I'll just be adding to an already very loaded plate. Same with Mother. Everyone's got too much shit and if I add this to that it's just make everything so much worse.

Trying to make this as stable as possible, I'm sorry I'm going through it rn lol. I tried to cut the fluff but I'm super foggy right now and yeah. I'm gonna go do my hyperfixation thing before I do something stupid, but I appreciate any advice you can give.

(And, if you think I should be calling someone at these points, resources would be appreciated because I don't actually know what to do and if I have to tell someone I don't want them calling 911 or something. I'm not sure how reasonable that anxiety is, but yeah. Thanks. Have a good day <3)

- Ghost (👻) (Tumblr never likes to let me search my ask so I'm attempting to sign it this time so it may go through, sorry if the thing is taken)

Hi Ghost,

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts. Please know that it's okay to call or text a crisis hotline even if you're not literally on the brink of suicide. Having the thought can escalate very quickly regardless of how many times you've had that thought before, so it's better to be safe than sorry. If you ever have those thoughts again, know that you are welcome to text HELP to 741741, text or call 988, or browse this masterpost of international crisis hotlines. I can assure you that there are no repercussions to reaching out to 741741 or 988, but I am less familiar with the resources on the masterpost, so do keep that in mind.

If anyone has any additional comments or suggestions, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[ilkkawhat]

20 fic questions

tagged by @frostysfrenzy and I'm hoping maybe this inspires me to write somehow:

How many works do you have on AO3? 287

What's your total AO3 word count? 827,685

What fandoms do you write for? Not published on ao3 but I used to write Doctor Who and Criminal Minds, on ao3 I got CSI and Macgyver (2016.) Unpublished, I've started a few Alan Wake fics and even started a Sorjonen fic.

Top 5 fics by kudos:

Speechless (Macgyver)

Stone Bridges (Macgyver)

Face Down (CSI)

Explosion + Krueger + Mac (Macgyver)

Trust + Together (Macgyver)

Do you respond to comments? I do my best to when I get them. I uh. have stopped for a while though but it's still a good feeling when I do see one on a fic

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? All of them lmao. Real talk there's a few break-up fics I've written so probably one of those. This one Nick Stokes/Julie Finlay fic came to mind cause it wasn't supposed to be angsty and I did it anyway.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Last Breath probably

Do you get any hate on fics? I've gotten feedback that like, I interpreted as "hate" but idk if it was every fully intended as hate and I'm just a sensitive person

Do you write smut? Yes. Can't guarantee it's good though cause I have 0 intimate experiences outside of a bad first kiss but I try to write it anyway lol

Craziest crossover? Wrote and subsequently deleted a fic once where Nick Stokes (CSI) and Jack Dalton (Macgyver) basically switched places and it was a bit sci-fi and out there and people didn't seem to like it so hence the deletion.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Really fucking hope not. Bad enough I've had gifs stolen.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I think somebody did actually after asking permission.

Have you ever co written a fic? I have! I wanna say with two co-authors in the doctor who fandom way back in the day. I'd also argue a lot of my CSI fics were co-written because so many people gave me so many ideas for them and the fic either wouldn't have existed or been wildly different without them

All time favourite ship? That's a tough one cause I think it depends on how strongly I feel at the time, like right now the OTP is Alan/Alice Wake but I multiship Alan like crazy lol. I'll never be over Doctor/Rose, Nick/Greg, Root/Shaw....those are the immediate ones that come to mind.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Probably all of them....I have so many open Mac and CSI WIPs and never say never but it's not looking good. I hope I can feel good enough to write for them again some day.

What are your writing strengths? I've been told emotions and descriptions and I would agree with that.

What are your writing weaknesses? Less about my writing and more about me; I put a lot of self worth into my writing so when I feel like I get negative feedback or no feedback at all it sends me down this terrible spiral where my self confidence is destroyed (which is 100% why Alan Wake hooked me in the way it did, because I relate to him sooooooo much) so I get highly discouraged very easily which is nobody's fault but my own....I am my own worst enemy. Also maybe my dialogue is not the best sometimes cause idk how to talk to people

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I'd try it! I think I have actually once or twice using google translate lol

First fandom you wrote in? CSI I think. Can't really/don't really want to remember before that.

Favourite fic you've written? Probably Specimen Stokes just cause it was such a wild and out there idea that people still ended up reading and enjoying (hopefully) though I worry it got too weird and cringe but I still love the feelings it gave me at the time of creating and the whole like, saga I wanted to make out of it. There are a few others but that was the first that came to mind.

breaking the tag chain but if anybody wants to also answer these feel free to say I tagged you 💜

[charizardstolemynickname]

Season 3 episode 2 reaction babyyyy!! Part 1 (i hope of 2)

I will just go straight into this, AH

NO ARE WE STARTING WITH THIS SCENE!? FUCK YOU, I CAN'T HOLD BACK TEARS FROM KING'S FINAL WORDS ANYMORE

Lilith using hooty as a form of jetpack is making me laugh, I am sorry. BUT LILITH I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE OKAY, I love you dearly YOU TOO HOOTY. God what a way to start the episode. I assume it will be the counter pov to the Human Realm. So I think it will be Eda, King, Collector, Lilith and Hooty pov? OO that's fun! And it will have ep3 as the final, both sides reunited?

HOOTY NO! LILITH! COLLECTOR KIDDO, NOT COOL, DON'T DO THAT, GODDDDDD WHERE DID YOU PUT THEM!?

RAINE IS ALIVE! Hallelujah! I was getting worried they would die because they used their last bit of energy saving Eda, BUT EDA AND RAINE LIVE ON!

HARPY EDA IS BACK LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND OTHER GUESTS! SHE IS BACK AND RAINE IS SMITTEN!

God no, the curse, shit, well nobody thinks to plan emergency potions when the world IS LITERALLY BEING RIPPED APART, fair enough

Oh woah, Luz is in this episode, huh, well that's funky! Well there goes my idea, but damn, I am excited. MAYBE TIME WORKS DIFFERENTLY IN DIFFERENT REALMS, oo

"This Mama is hungry for vengeance!" "Now THAT is a fight I'd watch" took the words out of my mouth Gus, HELL YEAH, GO KICK BELOS' BUTT CAMILA

.....Okay, LISTEN, "The collector is evil blah blah" YEAH, well, maybe not, BUT THEY HAVE DONE BAD ACTIONS... However this version of bonesborough looks cool! Well, not cool, maybe nostalgic? Reminds me of children's lullabies, SO I LIKE IT!

Turning people into dolls tho, that's bad

Belos! Always lovely to see your.... slimey, gross, figure! But lets not kill innocent butterflies, alright pal? And damn, you get hallucinations of your brother? Also this feels like common sense BUT DON'T CLONE YOUR BROTHER WHO YOU MIGHT HAVE KILLED?! LIKE THAT DAGGER LOOKS VERY LIKE YOU KILLED HIM WITH IT PHILIP!

My guy starts melting and says "I need a new body", like just deal with it, humans only get 1 body, stop getting several! Leave some for the rest of us. damn.

Camila, Gus and Willow just having a conversation trying to find the best way to support Luz awakened something inside of me, especially the "He wasn't disappointed in me, but I didn't want to fail him" LIKE DAMN, WHO IS SPYING ON MY LIFE TO MAKE THIS TOO DAMN RELATABLE

"Don't worry about me, like Gus said, I'm the reliable one" 1) AGAIN, WHO IS SPYING ON ME and 2) I have heard that one before Willow AND I KNOW YOU ARE 1 MORE "Are you okay?" AWAY FROM SOBBING, its okay Willow bestie, you can cry too

I hope we find out what Luz's Palisman hatches too soon, I am wayyyyyyyy too impatient for this, I AM DESPERATE

THEY GOT MATCHING JUMPERS AND HOOTY GOT A MATCHING BOWTIE?! FUCKKKKKK, nobody touch me, I am sensitive right now, GOD this found family is so important to me!!

"I will find Eda and King, no matter how long it takes" "ITS EDA AND KING" fucking hell Hunter way to ruin the adventure (/j) (Yes I did start laughing when Hunter said that)

..........Okay, erm. Well. Collector. I see what you have done. And, I question your methods! As this feels like, idk, maybe a tad illegal and morally wrong? Idk though might be wrong, but turning people into dolls is erm.. less quirky and more, wrong.

......................Okay. Right. I DON'T THINK MASS CONTROLLING EVERYONE TO PLAY PRETEND WHILST YOU BE A HERO IS VERY MORALLY GOOD EITHER! Listen, I get the urge to play hero and so and so, I did that as a kid! WITH DOLLS! WHO WERE ALWAYS, DOLLS! NOT HUMANS! God, you truly are a kid, you would be like, 5 in the human realm. WHERE IS YOUR MUM!?! DAD?! PARENTS?!

Fucking Plant Lady Coven head having to play Eda and (seems to be) the only one not controlled by the Collector and not be a doll, is fucking hilarious, 10/10

"Eda has a more, cool-aunt vibe, who pretends to be all cold-hearted but actually cares a lot" SEE, THANK YOU COLLECTOR, THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING SINCE DAY 1

Oh! Well. Most directors when they don't like the actors just fire them, but you do you Collector!

CAMILA ALSO JUST LOOKING AT KING AND LOVING HIM IS SO REAL, I adore him too Camila, don't you worry

WOAH ALL THE STUDENTS ARE OKAY?! Damn. That's one good school. Well, apart from the 2 that didn't. And all the staff went. BUT STILL, poor kids though. THEY ARE JUST KIDS. Also damn, we start to like Bump and that poor guy hasn't had a break since

...I don't even want to talk about that "man-tholomule" joke

THE BUMP STATUE IS THE GREATEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, 10/10 Bump and Eda would approve, "Princy Bump"

ED MY PAL, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, "not empty! There were rocks at the bottom!" God I missed you Ed

Talk about being haunted by your past, damn Belos, you've killed a lot of people bro, oh and "Oh shut up!" IS NOT A GOOD RESPONCE TO SEEING THE GHOSTS OF WHO YOU HAVE KILLED. it is funny tho.

AMITY'S MUM!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE. God, you really have 0 morals huh. YOU ARE ACTING AS THE COLLECTOR'S MUM!?! Listen I know your kids hate you BUT YOU DIDN'T NEED TO REPLACE THEM WITH A BEING WHO IS TRYING TO DESTROY ALL WITCHES IN A WEIRD WAY!

"Clean the planet and scorch the air" Well that might be useful later!

I will ignore ALL of the corruption happening at Hexside right now BUT HOOTY! AND RAINE! AND EDA! AND DARIUS! AND- Yeah I'll stop now BUT YEAH

EDA THANK GOD YOU AREN'T A WEIRD DOLL, and sweetie, I get wanting to visit your partner BUT YOU'VE GOTTA STAY SAFE! All the coven heads (except plant lady) Being weird security now? Kinda cool! Confusing, but cool!

WOAH LILITH! WHAT HAPPENED TO BEING A DOLL?!... And no longer being ginger, and having long hair? I am very confused BUT HAPPY YOU AREN'T A DOLL!

....Okay I know they are probably comedic relief BUT LILITH AND HOOTY'S FRIENDSHIP IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY!

"With her real family" HUSH EDA, YOU ARE APART OF THAT REAL FAMILY

"You are actually a great leader" "Did you have ever have any doubt in your mind?" "Yes. Many many doubts" fucking mood Gus, you always get the greatest lines. I am stealing this

WOAH BELOS MY PAL, I get that your "grow your own clone" guy wasn't ready yet, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU STEAL RAINE'S BODY YOU PRICK

.....Don't say that about Flapjack HE IS STILL ALIVE, HE WILL MAKE IT.... RIGHT?!

I knew you were 1 step away from a breakdown Willow, I have been on that path don't you worry

AND I JUST REALISED I WENT OVER HALF THE EPISODE AND THIS IS A REALLY LONG POST SO, part 2 in like, half an hour

[selamat-linting]

living after experiencing sa is so weird like, the same piece of writing about assault could do nothing or it could send me into a week long spiral and its just a matter of dumb luck or pure chance that determines my brains' reaction to it. i've had moments where im legitimately triggered in the middle of re-reading something i actually enjoy as porn. over the years i figured it was because i had small triggers that are abstract or wasnt easily noticeable or doesnt feel like anything until its in the spesific context of sa. like being trapped in an enclosed space with strangers, begging to be sent home, being deceived, having your preferences and interests weaponized against you, the really lonely and painful walk home afterwards where no one comes to save you but maybe its better off this way since you dont want to be seen, those are things im particularly sensitive with. for example, a few years ago i got really messed up about this anecdote of a kid who got kidnapped by a neighbor for a few hours. he offered to see his cat and then lock them up in a room while theyre playing with said kittens. nothing actually happens but that made me legit depressed for a few days. while im fine talking with my friend about an incident where she got followed by a creepy guy who groped her while she's walking home. both situations are horrifying and bad ofc, but i cant exactly communicate or find an easy way to filter out the bad. like, i can handle hearing the graphic details, the bare bones account of what happens, but if it touches on how the victim was tricked or deceived or gets taken advantage of, even when its basically the least upsetting part, i just couldnt do it.

idk, maybe its because my experience was more in the mental stuff. yeah sure, it was only some groping, an almost kiss, and some sex talk. but the context was that i asked for help, someone friendly comes along, they say theyre just helping me but turns out they actually have ulterior motives. i was stuck in a car for hours to god knows where, fully knowing i was gonna get raped when the car eventually stops, trying to plead or at least delay it with someone i thought was a friend without being too harsh because i know they could do even worse things if i drop this thin veneer of friendliness we got going on. and all the while this asshole kept touching me in spots i didnt even realize was a sensitive place for me and i had to keep a straight face the whole time because if they see a hint that i liked it, its over. did i like though? yeah. do i want it? fuck no. never in a million years. and i felt betrayed because im supposed to have that moment of discovery with a boyfriend or a girlfriend and it was supposed to be nice and comforting but its not. and i might associate gentle touches with this forever. and there's also a part of me that said, hey somebody wants me. dont you want to be wanted? i might as well enjoy it because no one's gonna offer me hot car sex like this. i should try to get myself wet! this is a new experience that i should just see the bright side of. im supposed to be a kinky slut right? i just turned 20. and after all, i promised myself, after the first time i had my sa as a kid, the next time it happens im gonna fight. and what am i doing right now? i'm just running my mouth. im laughing at my soon to be rapists' joke and i tell him we should meet up later instead of doing everything right now since i had work later in the day. this isnt fighting, its bargaining. and all the while im wondering if i look pretty while im doing this. i hope i look pretty. im just wearing sweatshirt and pajama pants. this is sick, why do i want to look good while im sexually assaulted?

i never told this to anyone except a friend. but even she didnt get the whole account. she just know it happens. its the part that actually upsets me that i didnt tell her. the whole violated trust thing. and how dumb i am for instantly accepting help from an acquaintance i dont even know that well. and what happens after the car stops. all she knows is that when it stops, i pushed him off of me and i left the car and run.

to her it just seems like im valiantly fighting off an asshole. she didnt know that after i ran, a bunch of men saw me running. they asked me if i need help. they were kind. but i thought of the hassle of reporting to the police, being grilled with questions, have my entire behavior scrutinized, and my parents vacillating between unhelpful anger or chastising me for being so trusting and eventually isolating me because i cant be trusted to exist in a public space without being harassed and god i dont want to miss work today and theyre gonna ask why if i had to miss a day and theyre gonna know too. so obviously i shut up. i couldnt say anything. the fuck who assaulted me came, and get this, i went back to his car. i didnt sit next to him, i was sitting at the backseat, and he was angry and yelled at me the entire time while driving me back to the closest bus station. i didnt say anything, and i actually paid him money before leaving. i was a coward.

in hindsight, what happens after the next few month after that was just me trying to compensate for the shame and utter incompetence i felt. i thought i was good at being confrontational and assertive, but when it actually matters, i cant speak. it was awful. i mean, it was a moment of self improvement, i did evolve from being an awkward self-important debate kid to an adult who relies on being good with persuading people for a living. im proud of that. but the feeling of helplessness still remains. im still afraid that when it happens again, i'd just clam up like usual. even though i already successfully fend off several people trying to fuck with me before anything that bad ever happens because im a hot saleswoman now. it felt weird calling myself a victim or a survivor because, it just happens. i didnt survive shit nor do i want to be a victim. i dont want to be pitied. and i dont want to be called brave or anything because im anything but.

except that everytime something reminds me of my sa incident, i kept having this urge to tell somebody, and i'd wrote a long paragraph detailing everything that happened including all of the uncomfortable details that didnt make me look good as a victim. and then i'd delete it before sending because its not good to tell your personal triggers online right? but i have no one i want to talk about this irl. and i cant imagine any well-meaning response that doesnt make me angry. i kept thinking about it. if anyone acknowledged this happens to me, i have no socially acceptable response. im not sure if anyone could understand or be sympathetic. i mean, imagine someone told you a grave secret about them and then they get angry and throw a tantrum when you say youre keeping their secret to the grave. youre in the right to be angry and confused at them. and its one thing to write a retrospective like this, and its another thing talk about it directly. i wouldnt be self aware to control myself. i'd just ruin another friendship because i got pissed off for no discernable reason.

i dont really know where im going with this. i think i just wanted to get this out of my system. its been what? three years? im sick of keeping that shit in. i think i just need to talk about it, sort of like a confessional before moving on for good. anyway, your usual shitposting will resume shortly. bye bitch!

[jenkyblep]

You ever wake up in the morning and go

"OK the world has some shitty things but I've brooded long enough, life goes on and today's a new day!"

And for like 5 minutes you actually feel ok....

And then you find a new list of the Supreme Court twerking on the graves of your rights...........

Yeah the past like week has just been the start of a waterslide to an authoritarian oligarchy and I'm rapidly flip flopping in between internalized wrath and listless helplessness

The climate crisis and pollution have become more noticeable where I live too

Gas prices are out of control

Idk. I feel like the world's ending around me but no one cares.

No one offline even seems to acknowledge it.

Literally why can't we have nice things.

How hard is it to give a single fuck about someone else. There's no way I'm just insanely empathetic- how can I be when I'm so fucking desensitized to death that I dont care. I'm not even sad I'm just angry.

I'm so fucking angry but there ain't shit I can do.

Protests and petitions are ignored.

Voting is more about choosing "lesser evils" than anything productive (I'm still gonna vote obvs but that don't mean it *feels* good)

And any kind of violence is morally reprehensible.

But I'm so tired of everyone being expected to play nice while our rights and freedoms are stripped away.

I'm tired of arguing and trying to understand the perspective of hatered and not even being met in the middle.

I am 20. In so many ways I'm still a kid. I don't see myself making it to 30. I don't see the United States making a comeback from this. This is not ok. Nothing is ok right now.

I have to keep my eyes down for the sake of my sanity but does that not make me just another bystander? Is that not morally wrong? Selfishly narrowing my vision to ignore the wrongs around me to keep putting one foot in front of the other, lest I take a step back to see the disaster around me?

Why does the government demand control of people's lives in the name of freedom?

Why do grown adults take such fun in complaining about children's content?

What is sexual about growing up? About being yourself? About loving who you are?

How is regulating private matters freedom?

How is Christianity flavored legislation freedom?

Why are businesses more free than people?

I don't understand. I really don’t understand anything right now. None of this is logical- from sense or from heart.

I ain't religious but I imagine God would be ashamed. I imagine they'd be angry to have their name abused in such ways.

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, overly dramatic, overly paranoid.

But it's all just so much.

I just want to exist.

I want to exist, to stay in my own lane, to mind my business and get by on a simple life. But to live in a society means to bear the burden of moral responsibility for those who need help.

I don't know.

I just want to get my words out.

I'll probably feel silly in the morning.

I always feel better in the morning.

Even if it's only for 5 minutes...

[insignificantfailure]

I'm not going to be okay if I keep on thinking about all of the dying people all around the world.

I feel like my problems are actually meek and unimportant next to like. death, existential crisis, murder, organized murder, inhumane acts, apathy and all

can you believe that people would JUST. send others death threats? and like that isn't too big to worry about, those are just kids. no adults really behave like that, but like.

FUCK. never search for the standard chicken maceration process that video fucked me up

the fact that I can't genuinely tell whether this is something that is wrong Wrong WRONG.

or if there's like some way to cope with it makes it horrifying sure, but oh my god I just can't imagine the trauma and the pain of being fed to the grinder I need to throw up

I can imagine myself in that position

The fact that it always seemed to me as if there was some kind of.

Choice to be had in death. Like it was a puzzle, and if you were smart enough you'd be saved always gave me this sense of safety or maybe hope.

like I could CHOOSE to not get murdered. or to cope with it. I had a choice in how to handle it and I had the power in me to be able to lie through it, or take it.

but oh my god they're just. bred. they're NEWBORNS. newborns don't have COPING MECHANISMS FOR BEING FED TO THE GRINDER?????? THEY'RE JUST SMALL GUYS FOR FUCKS SAKE.

I can't do anything while they're being shredded alive this is awful

no no no no n on. O n o no n o n o n .

my poor precious children my baby boys

oh, what have they done to you?

cruelty cruelty cruelty. this is all too much for them. they're alive, they're breathing. my GOD.

and uh. hence the crisis since we're gonna die in a painful way whether we like it or not.

at some point

100 years isnt like "a manageable distance to put between that like, one day where you'll die whoopsie"

100 years is all I have

100 years is what I have to wait towards to get massacrated

100 years is something that will pass until death looks ME in the eyes

you know I thought suicide was for like painful death, but that was wrong

I was scared of suicide because I would have to be in pain for that

I'll be in pain regardless.

and d oughhhhh hhhh oh god everyone I know will be DEAD in 200 years. those fucking twinks my god.

being an atheist can ruin a person because I can no longer speak to my dead grandmother in my thoughts and be convinced she heard me and so did Jesus Christ

had this in my inbox for a while and I just couldn't bring myself to reply, I am extremely sensitive to gore and it physically hurts me when I hear either about people or animals hurting like it hurts it really really hurts and I go into a deeply distressed mode

I wish no pain would ever exist. I am so thankful I'm vegetarian idk I don't even want to think about that whole process :/ poor little babies oh god

and your problems are valid! as long as it hurts you it is valid and it is no use to compare the pain. the world is a cruel place, if only people communicated more they could avoid so much unnecessary suffering... I'm so sorry that you can't even find comfort in those things anymore :(

[temporarymoods]

bad spirit

hi blog, missed you too. yesterday was a really good day, I realized by the end-- more on that later. well today started quite nicely, too, but right now there's a dark swirl in my chest and I wish it would just leave me alone.

i don't try to be angry, but a lot of the time i just am. this really only hurts me. i get miserable and sad about it. sometimes i figure my irritability is my body's way of telling me it's hungry or tired, so i feed it, and break. and yet

writing this was a good idea-- i can already tell its starting to doze off, just a little. still i'm mad at a bunch of things. you can imagine the vectors shooting out from behind my ribs in a plethora of directions, sharp and targeted. mostly at people, i guess, or circumstances. big difference, i know. but whatever. on one hand, i house all these weird values and general angst. on another, you could just call me sensitive. (i might have once cried, haha, but it's true.) tendency to get feelings hurt-- is this not all of us?! i think about my trauma, as compared to his and hers and theirs and yours, and a rough sense-making picture emerges; i don't talk about this with anyone, really, not my therapist, not myself, but i guess there's no harm in mentioning here that i wasn't the most well-supported when upset growing up. i feel that i'm bent out of shape.

anyway, enough! i don't feel super comfortable talking about how i process things weird/poorly/not at all. i'm supposed to be the friend that's always processing, lmao. about that. actually no. never mind.

back to the angry cat in my thoracic cavity-- she's gray and black, her hair is standing on end, and she's really tiring me out. what has pissed me off to such a degree that i had to abandon this afternoon's schoolwork quest on rough-start terms and pop open tumblr.com? well maybe that's not for you to know, blog. just kidding, i'll cut a slice of the cake for ya.

marching band (cue audience reaction) takes a lot of time & effort from me, and i don't get a ton in return. that's one reduction! much more within the honestly painful & complex situation to discuss but, no... that! scratch uno. scratch dos? the repairs around my apartment have been completed rather shoddily; net-zero outcomes, i say, pessimistically-upon-reflection; there are just as many problems as there were before our requests were handled, i exaggerate. on the real, that's just annoying, sorry. sorry i'm being a bitch, idk, blame my other, more serious, home security trauma that i'm not going to get into right now/you just have to take my word for! ugh, god, so bad at this. that's the other thing though, i thought while making pizza for snunch (snack lunch)-- why do i feel like a bitch all the time?

answer: either i) i am or ii) i'm crazy

this is where i, if presently corny (i can practically hear the nodding), get even more so-- this is why i really do want to know what people think of me, because at default i have some of the worst answers. common themes: exhausting, rude, unserious. i mean, fuck!!!

(thank you mother phoebe waller-bridge for the 'bad feminists' line and for your pronunciation of 'cafe', while we're here)

so, what? i feel badly about myself, sometimes people make me feel bad about myself, and separately, i might just be a horrible person. lmao. let's go with curtain 3-- ass scenario, but what can i even do? the thought is to go away, as much as possible. convenient, given that's what i do when i'm in a mood, like right now. isolate, then stay: that kind of sucks. and is pretty dumb. which brings us to the 'reform' option, i.e., get better, in the moral sense.

i've been reading this reproductive justice book and it's got me feeling like i've got the right outlook on things. like, god, i'm so glad this work is letting me see the world more clearly; like i actually have the real knowledge to do something about all this crap. as i walked so serenely to campus this morning (dressed perfectly, empty mug in hand because i just walked out of the house with a sip left in her,) i was listening to an audiobook version of the text. along the way i found an id card on the ground, brought it to the library. saw a familiar face outside the building, thought "oh that's the grad student labor organizer i didn't have time to talk to the other day, let me see if i can help" and ended up hailing down strangers to vote for the next better part of an hour before class. glad they're getting their union! at least that made me feel good about what i do to this world.

kind of done writing now. here are the last thoughts.

i wonder if i do too much alluding on this blog? i mean, i'm gonna make the link publicly available soon and using the adjective "dramatic" to describe kate only flies with my mental health some days. i don't... idk. this is my art!

finally::: maybe im pasing ! and maybe my good friend from high school will visit me in october ! and maybe i will learn to talk all of the time the right way ! maybe, leaves will turn orange, and fall, and everything will be alright.

cya, kate 9/21/23

p.s. post playlist: - opener: a thread to find, shannon lay - damn, ada lea - eye on the bat, palehound - my love mine all mine, mitski - finale: big girls dont cry, fergie