#mental spiral

[justagirlwaiting]

How can I be loved?

When I don't even love myself

I tell myself I'm pretty, but do I believe it?

I have no concept of self

No image in my head

Just an amorphous blob

What do people see in me?

Am I helpful?

Am I useful?

Am I enough?

Am I ever enough?

Who am I?

To myself

What am I doing with my life?

What's the point of it all?

[thelittlemisssassypants]

Horrible as it is, I need to accept that I am a toxic person and that I traumatise my family with my mental illness. I really regret still being here . I hate causing people pain

[haunting-of]

There were more shadows than usual, for this time of day. They were cast heavy and dark over dumpsters and trash bags, over a few doors with no handles to try, on mediocre lights that weren’t working. Danel glanced over the couple dozen windows, considering climbing some of the fire escapes to check inside.

No... If Jesha wanted to be found, he would have found them by now. He’d been searching for hours, feeling them nearby, but not even catching a glimpse of them. One question was on his mind.

What was Jesha turning into?

They’d been acting strange for a while, and not just their personality. It was the body temperature, the higher intuition, the control of external factors, how they had no need to sleep. 

None of that was a red flag for Danel, that’s just how the body operated when his demon soul was present. He was always just a little bigger than himself. He remembered from when he was human, though.

He remembered humans don’t normally have any of that, just like Jesha didn’t used to.

There was no one else around. No movement in or past the buildings. Ghosts were milling around, cold spots passing up and down the alleyway with whispers filling the air. An abnormally high concentration, indicating either a mass grave beneath his feet, or...

He looked up, between the empty, silent apartment buildings. Or it was above him.

They must still be nearby.

“Okay, so everyone's dead here," Danel started, talking no louder than a conversation. If Jesha wanted to hear, they'd hear. "I'm not judging, I just think it's something we should talk about."

Jesha faced the window and didn’t look at the still-warm body behind them. They didn't consider how they could hear them through the building, or however many storeys up they were. They were paying attention to Danel.

He wanted to talk? Now?

Jesha hadn't replied, but it sounded like someone was listening. Maybe they were in the area. “You have to stop running from me. I'm sorry I lied, but I only wanted to help you. I still only want to help you, Jesha.”

Their nose wrinkled. Since Danel had come out as a demon from hell, they'd had the chance to really reevaluate his personality. There were some things they could accept now.

So was he a demon from hell? Sure. Was he 'alive' before humans were a species? Fine. Was he smart? Looking back, with all the insight he should've had? Rarely.

And maybe he was holding back, keeping his abilities in check before. So what? He... He...

Tch, Jesha clicked their tongue. The ghosts in the room had surrounded them, and were talking too loud for them to think.

Danel jumped at the small sound, far away and behind a wall. A sinking feeling grew in his body as the ghosts in the alleyway began congregating in one spot. Jesha didn't want to be found, but those flocking ghosts made for a dead giveaway.

They were getting way too close to too many ghosts.

From inside, Jesha had fallen to the wall. They could hear Danel trying to break the bricks that separated them over the sound of the dead speaking to them, but the ghosts were starting to drown him out. Shaking, they backed away from the floor and tried to block out the noise with their hands.

Once the ghosts started talking, they just.

Didn’t.

Stop.

He leapt up to the closest fire escape ladder and climbed until he reached the window, going to open it before receiving a cold shock from touching the pane. The ghosts were blocking him out?? Not even this many of them could-

Danel realized what was happening too late.

"Jesha!!" Danel yelled, scaring birds from the rooftops. "Jesha, stop!!"

Jesha was still curled up on the wall, and now the whole room was spinning around them. The wall shook with the rhythm of a heartbeat.

They understood. Danel was scared. He’d actually been scared a lot, always keeping them away from monsters, always trying to hold all his secrets inside. He hadn't been scared of Jesha until now. 

But he didn’t know all the death they could bring. Had he ever noticed the killer incubating inside of them? Their mind was already this diseased, and it took him this long to notice? It took him this long to be afraid?

He should be scared.

The noise of the ghosts in the room weren't so loud now, or maybe they could just hear them better. They slowly uncurled on the wall. Jesha couldn’t help what had seeped in, congealing inside them. Whose fault was that, Danel? Whose fault? Jesha stood.

Danel, he fucked it up. Get away from the ghosts? What about the demon that was fucking latched onto them? Lied, instead of keeping them safe? Attracted more and more ghosts, demons, more and more trouble?

And now Jesha was changed, they decided, getting a little bit colder than before. Listening to the ghosts that were spiralling through the room, they tried their hand at controlling the way they spun.

Success. It looked like Danel wasn't superior anymore. So, fucking right he should be scared, especially since he was still an idiot.

Jesha hadn’t been running from him.

They were chasing Vincent.

[weirdplutoprince]

bunny comic

[pushingupdaisies56]

"You" he said, "Are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain"

Emilie Autumn

[constantlyfalling]

Reminder. Somedays, you'll cry until your face hurts. There will be other days, though. Days where you'll laugh until your face hurts.

[im-not-okaye]

I can't say what I want to say. If I say it to anyone, they'll think I'm either a monster, or that I should be hospitalized. They'll say they love me, but we both know, at least in that moment, that it's a lie. No one put in that situation will really love the person saying the words I want to say. Not anymore... At that point I will have traumatized my friends, but they don't get rid of me because they're scared, either by what what I'll do to myself or do to them. Rightfully so, I'd be too. But damn, does it hurt having opinions just rattling in my head, some that I don't even fully believe, and not be able to say them ever... I'll die with these options in my head. Not anytime soon, just eventually, because everyone does. It's one of those things that just happens. Oh well...

[bunnieswithknives]

RAHHHh ok comics done I can post this now!!! He is having the worst possible time

[ofswordsandpens]

thinking about how the (greek) big three swore to never sire any more demigod children because those children are just too powerful (dangerous) and also thinking about how the characters that, arguably, seem to have the greatest proclivity for cruelty in the name of justice or vengeance are also the (greek) big three children... there's something there, a connection to be made I'm sure of it

[kitkatpancakestack]

Don't forget

when you feel the sun on your back

to turn around

what's dead is dead and

the light is telling you:

"Only better things ahead."

—from a note I found that I wrote to myself when I was younger

[lesbianelsas]

alicent + (lack of) bodily autonomy

"This felt like a baptism. Stripping the outer layer, and that f-cking collar [laughs]. Her getting into the lake on her own is embryonic, in a way. It’s weirdly a coming-of-age moment for Alicent—the start of the rest of her life, what she’s about to do, and the woman she’s possibly about to become." (x)

[thelittlemisssassypants]

Like I just finished high school finally at twenty and I should be happy but instead all I can think of is how much I hate myself and my life and how disassociated I am from my former self and feel this great sense of loss I keep hallucinating that I die through physical violence from medical professionals as I have experienced since 2014 physical violence every year at least once with the exception of 2022 and I know that it’s my fault for trying to leave and being agressive and I feel the physical pain and the difficulty breathing as if the hallucinations were real and I have almost ruined my mothers dinner party which she can barely hold in her own home because of me and my sister has been getting trauma from my mental illness since she was born and I don’t want to continue like this anymore

[a-path-by-the-moon]

[talxns]

y’know something that goes hand in hand with the coldification of bruce in regards to his relationship with young dick is this idea that alfred is the one to always intercede and basically shame bruce into doing something nice for the boy. it makes it so that if alfred wasn’t there to reprimand him for being cold, bruce wouldn’t show dick any warmth. and i don’t like that. i think that it’s important that bruce, while not super communicative and someone who is notoriously difficult to get along with, treats young dick with an appropriate amount of warmth and understanding and kindness. he doesn’t have to be scolded by alfred into making dick happy, he should be wanting to make dick happy irrespective of anything else.

the only exception is when bruce is doing something he thinks is good for dick and needs some perspective from an outside party (usually alfred) who is able to see things more objectively.

idk, it just seems like so often bruce is written like taking dick in is kind of a burden, and then alfred has to nag him about taking care of dick, when originally these two characters did not need any outside persuasion to be attached at the hip, sleeping in the same room, cooking for each other, spending every waking moment together, etc.

[s0fti3w1tch]

CW: Implied Cult Trauma, Blood, Spiraling, Self-hate/Self-Blame

Tentative Devotee Minisode: First Mission Mishap

further context is this + this!

Welcome back to Tentative Devotee :} Turns out the reason I couldn't release separated au poll stuff today was because I was working on this! My method of drawing comics has sort of changed and I'm having a rough go of getting back into it (+... yknow the personal stuff too.) Regardless. Enjoy this dip back into the comics. Please don't mind missing details or minor mistakes. The past two months have been a lot for me

Tentative Devotee AU Masterpost (To be updated again soon!)

[brimstone-cowboy]

Teen heartbreak