#idk tell me what you think. it always does kinda suck when i show people my art and all they say is “wow thats cool!”

[scaredgirlsilly]

a lil short story i wrote. under the cut cause its kinda long. about love, devotion, isolation, and the ocean. maybe a lil yuri too.

Her Love

"You know, everyone else says im crazy."

The sound of the waves fill the night air, the beach solely illuminated by the full moon bouncing off the water.

"They say... They say I need help. They say that *they* are gonna help me. Pfft. Fat fuckin chance. Like they ever cared about me."

A young woman sits on the shore with her legs drawn into her chest, the waves lapping at the sand only a few feet away. Her eyes are filled with tears. Salty. Just like her love.

"They... They never fucking cared. No one ever called or- or texted, no contact for months. Months! As soon as I say that I'm gonna... They make a huge fuckin deal about it. But- But when have they ever cared?! Never! Not fuckin once."

The waves have finally reached her feet, and she relaxes as it brushes against her. She looks at the ocean, and a faint smile crosses her face.

"I'm doing this for me. They can all.. I don't know... Cry at the funeral. But this... This will be the first time I make a decision for me. For us."

The ocean has reached ankle depth, and she feels the pull of the tides as it goes back out to sea. Her lover is calling for her, beckoning for their consummation.

"I... heh... I think I'm scared. I... I don't know whats on the other side. I mean... I know you'll be there for me, like you always have, but it's... it's alot I guess..."

She wipes away her tears and snot, and holds her hand out to her lover. The pull of the waves feels like a welcome home she never got to experience. Finally, someone who actually *wants* her. Someone who, no matter what, wants to be with her. Forever.

"Well... It's now or never I suppose... I- I love you."

The waves surge as if in response. A call of love back. But she knows better.

She gets up, the tide now at her shins, the pull of the waves making it hard to stand. Butterflies fill her stomach. Just the feeling of the waves pulling her, no one has ever wanted her like her lover wants her now. That thought fills her mind with all kinds of feelings. Anger that those around her only used her, sadness that she could not live a life with her peers, but also a deep sense of content. Finally, someone, *anyone*, wants her. *Needs her*. Someone finally loves her as much as she loves them.

She steps into the waves, wading into the freezing ocean. Her teeth chatter, her legs are numb, and her smile is beaming. Her tears have stopped, and all she is thinking about is her lover.

As she walks farther, she gets to the point where she cant walk anymore. She starts to swim, about another 10 to 15 feet. There, it can finally happen. They can be one.

As she gets to where she wanted to be, she giggles as the waves try to push her under. Like a partner playfully pulling her to bed, she must remind her lover that she will do it when shes ready.

"Be patient silly," she giggles to her lover.

Finally. It's time. The freezing waters of her lover numb her body. Its hard to tell where her body ends, and where her lover begins. Exactly how she wanted it.

She dives under the waves, tring to go as far down as she can, to have as much of her lover around her as possible. Her lungs ache, her limbs sting from the cold, and her heart is full with a love she has never experienced. Finally, her time has come. To show her love exactly how much she wants to be together. Together forever.

There, in the dark water of her lover, the only light from the moon overhead, she takes a moment to steel herself. To fight back thousands of years of evolution, for one solitary moment of devotion. To the only one who ever truly loved her.

She opens her mouth, whispers a silent "I love you", and breathes in.

The water fills her lungs instantly, like it was all it ever wanted to do. It burns like no pain has before, as she flails under the water uselessly. The light of the moon grows dimmer, the cold of the water seems farther away than ever, and the smile on her face has never been wider.

Finally. She is one with her lover. And it couldn't have been any better.

[gothiethefairy]

so, i've been thinking about laios's relationship with his mother. we all know about his daddy issues by now, but no one thinks about his mother. i mean, he disowned her as well. he hardly talks about her. he has a lot to say about his dad but when it comes to his mother, the most he'll say is "idk, she was kinda sick a lot."

and i think it was because he did hold her on a high pedestal. she's his mother, his protector. i know for sure she babied him a lot. mothers who's first-born is a son mostly do.

she was the one who even gifted him his precious monster manual!

so, what happened? why did he also lump her with his father and decided "i'm never speaking to them ever again." ?

to put it in simple terms, it was falin. laios was so upset about how his parents treated the situation about the villagers' abuse to falin. both of them didn't know how to handle it, but they both failed at protecting her. the best their father can come up with is sending falin away to the magic school. (without explaining why bc their dad sucked at communicating with his family.)

their village was also very conservative, especially towards magic-users. i always found it to be odd since magic does seem to be the norm in the "dungeon meshi" world, however evidence shows it's not all well-known all around the world. i mean, rin's parents were burnt to death for using magic that was thought to be "black magic".

and falin's natural magical talent being "talking to the dead" would make anyone nervous bc that could be linked to black magic.

their mother is always described to be "frail", and i bet it's mostly because she's very superstitious. gotta be honest here as well, she maybe wasn't mentally healthy. this is just an assumption but their mom comes off as paranoid and anxious, and then does these made-up rituals to try to "heal" her daughter.

hurting falin like this was the final nail in the coffin for laios, because maybe he thought he could rely on her? "hey mom, can you tell dad not to send falin away? please?"

yeah, she had "good intentions", but she still abused her daughter? because she made the situation about herself and went "oh god, it's my fault my daughter is a freak. i have to fix this."

also, laios looking so stressed and haggard here makes me so sad. like, what if their mother did something similar to him when he was younger? he wouldn't care about himself getting hurt, but seeing his own mother doing it to falin is nerve-wrecking.

the way both siblings are portrayed as autistic in different ways is important to their characters. just because falin understood why their parents did what they did, doesn't make it okay. they still hurt her, and laios knows that. and in a way, they hurt him too.

if their parents couldn't protect them from awful, nasty people and expected their children to just bare it, how can laios trust them?

this is scary to see for a child.

after that, he pretty much gave up on his parents and never looked back. but i also think, if he misses them, it's more his mother than his father.

afterall, he did his best to keep his monster manual safe.

[halliescomut]

Love Sea Ep 2 Watch Along

I am a couple days late because migraines suck, but I'm finally sitting down to watch ep 2. I'm gonna try to gives some first inpressions here, but we'll see how we go.

-Opening shot and I accidentally caught crew in the back of the boat. Hehe...whoops. Can't always catch that.

-When he says "what this man's sex taste like" does he mean literally or figuratively??? Like...I'm just not sure if it's wonky translation, or ???

-Okay, but the way Mut put's their legs together, but keeps their torso's apart....like touching, but not invading Rak's space....that's kinda hot.

-I do come from a seafood family, literally my maternal grandparents ran a seafood restaurant for over a decade, but I'm not a seafood person, so I kinda feel like the food stuff is going over my head.

-Like...I knew it was gonna happen, but I'm still blushing so hard. That eye contact is DANGEROUS.

-Peat's muscles!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

-Literally Rak is so cranky that he hurt himself and cut off sexy time. His grumpy face.

I love Mook so much. I would die for her, she's so precious.

Are those generic baby shark bandaids??

I love how quickly Rak takes advantage of the loophole Mut presents him with. He immediately is like "you are correct, this is not my bed, let's bang!" (Also I fucking loved this line in the trailer. It's quippy, it's clever, Fort delivers it so well. Perfection.)

I mean...if your gonna engage in sexy time on the beach...oral would be your best option, so....

Jesus with the leg over the shoulder....goddamn.

Those hips are moving quite a lot Rak, be careful with Mut, you don't want to break him.

The mouth wipe.....I'm dying. I will say the timing was a bit fast there at the end, but like...legit portrayal of oral, and not just vaguely refering to it is new in Thai BL, so props for that. (Also it was one of my bingo squares. Yay me.)

I was predicting the whole "I'm inspired, we gotta go back to my room right now", but that did not stop it from being funny as hell.

Is Tongrak basically Mame's self-insert?? I just thought about this, bc they used the MMY logo for the fake website, probably just so they didn't have to bother with getting a non-copywritten one, or pay to use a real one, but like I just thought about this, since he's a writer who writes Y-Series, and part of what P'Vie does (I'm pretty sure) is make them into shows.... fascinating to consider.

We do see the cover for The Boy Next World, both the BN one and the orignal manga-style one...interesting.... As well as the cover for Love Director, which is one of the novels directly related to the LITA side of the Mame-verse....also interesting.

Rak's fake insta is hot. I tell you what, Mame shows got their issues, but costuming is pretty much always on point.

Okay so P'Vie is an actress...still involved with Rak's shows, but not the director I guess.

I really do get distract by how pretty Peat's eyes are.

Okay, Though he was just showering, but then I saw the motion... the blushing begins again. (Look I know I've written smut, and I watch BL, but I'm still Ace, so a lot of times my reaction is very Edwardian noble lady. I'm sorry!)

No, but I paused it to write that last sentence and the look on Rak's face!!!!

Rak is very bite-y. It suits his character, really. I Like it.

That was....very athletic.

I have thoughts about the sex scene. I'll save those for the 'Thoughts' post though.

I do think it's funny that Rak is so disturbed because the sex was good. That's funny.

Side note, I know this is an adult show, it includes a lot of adult themes, but somehow the Hallmark Movie-ness of Mame's shows makes it feel very weird when people cuss. Like, it feels odd for Rak to say Fuck there. It somehow just gives the vibe of 'see how grown-up we are with the cussing'. IDK if that makes sense, or if anyone else feels that way.

Mook's reaction to the forehead kiss is so cute, but P'Vie's got two episodes to get her act together, or I'm gonna start to dislike her.

I still don't remember the name of Mut's friend (I'm sorry) but I do think he's very funny. The actor is doing a very good job.

I know IRL, I would hate the entitledness/possessive-ness of Rak, but that was kind hot.

I love how amused Mut is by Rak. It's one of the things that feels like Fort peeking through tbh.

Oops...none of us did consider that a considerably long motorbike ride the day after some pretty vigorous back door sex may not be the best idea. But also, I feel like this is part of why prep/aftercare is important, and they (meaning BLs) should focus on it more. Like it's wouldn't fix everything, but it would help.

Oh, I really do like Mut's friend...who's name is Palm....I will try to remember.

I doubt this was Mame's intention, but I do appreciate the discussion of how franchised tourism can be harmful to local residents.

Sweet Mut so shy about taking genuine compliments. That's so cute.

Oh I'm familiar with that kind of manufactured flippancy when it comes to speaking about family ties that have been broken.... there be trauma there mateys.

God I have a lot of incomplete thoughts about this scene. I'm gonna have to rewatch and break it down later.

Oh, Rak is 100% a self-insert.

I do wonder when we're gonna get more info regarding that first thought about escaping though. It feels like Rak is trying to keep things surface level, but is accidentally revealing more than he intends.

I respect the attempt to get info out of Kom. I also respect Connor for not giving any.

I'm excited for the diving and underwater shots, but Rak--why the fuck are you wearing a small fortune in high-end designer jewelery for that?? like, leave that shit in your room dude.

Also, I've officially decided I love Palm and his doofus-energy. I will now protect him with my life.

God Bless Wetsuits! Amen!!

Sir what the fuck are you doing???? If this were a different couple I'd say Rak is well on his way to a spanking.

But also, this is so pretty,

Flashback!!! Yes, another bingo box, but also...why do drama parents always break up directly in front of their kids?

There's a metaphor happening about not diving alone and the flashbacks and reconciling his traumas in relation to love/trusting men (in a romantic way)....my brain is too stupid to make a cohesive explanation, but it's there.

I love the way Mut just looks at Rak... like it's fascinating how much Fort is able to portray with his gaze. I thought that during LITA, but it's confirmed here. Because, yes the longing/loving gaze is alive and well, but you can see the concern, the confusion, even the questioning that's happening. It's wild.

Well that's all for the episode. I'll probably rewatch tomorrow and thry to organize my thoughts into something vaguely cohesive, but no promises. Despite the very swift jump into the sex, we got a lot of insight today, into to both of them really.

[catwalkvivi]

well hey, since hardly anyone's looking at this corner of the website anyway I might as well take the opportunity to vent (it's annoying to do it on twitter with the character cap)

Man, social media is hard.

I see so many people posting regular content consistently for years and years without even seemingly breaking a sweat, while it's always been so difficult for me... Calculating engagement, deciding the best times to post, or, hell, even just sharing what they think/feel/made/fucking ate that day just seems, like, so easy and second nature for pretty much everyone around me. It's genuinely incredible to me that somebody can share what they've learned about idk shitty impractical tanks made in WW1 on this website and make it such an interesting read that hundreds of people engage with it!

But I've tried keeping social media accounts for art and stuff so many times now, on here, on Instagram, on Artstation, on Xitter, and eventually it just- kinda- fades away, it just feels so exhausting to keep track of all the things necessary to Chase the Algorhythm™ if you wanna have any relevancy. Is it a charisma thing??? Where do I grind to get a stat boost on my Cha???

I'd love to say it doesn't matter to me, since I've been drawing shit for myself for years now, but unfortunately artists do need social media presence if they wanna get work. Not to mention, well, I wanna reach people with the stuff I do! I want people to react to what I made, to say what they liked about it, or how it made them feel, and then when I post something I worked on for hours only to get, like, almost zero visibility? idk, man, it just kinda hurts. It's probably selfish and immature for me to say it, I know that it takes time and effort to build an audience and all that, but damn I get happy when people show me that something I've made has affected them positively. I like the connection, I like the conversations, I like meeting people who enjoy the same nerdy trash that I do!

(I was very fortunate to have an art post of mine reach a lot of notes here years ago, which was amazing, but it's such a rare thing)

God, and, like, there's all these weird unspoken rules about interacting on social media too.

The other day a friend of mine came up to our friend group and was like "oh my god this girl liked my stories on instagram it means something does she like me" and I was SO confused and then they were like "well, when somebody not on your friends list likes your stories, it means they're interested in you"

Then some time later another friend was telling me that somebody stopped liking her posts and unfriended her and how that is a horrible offense and my fucking brain hurt, like- okay I get the unfriend part kinda but there could be a hundred reasons for it??? it's not like you have a deep personal connection to all 300 friends you have on your account???

Then I see so many people out there simply sharing something they think or did only to have some rando twist what they said and come at them like they're the shittiest person on the planet that deserves everything bad in life actually (except the ones that are willingly spouting/promoting hateful shit to begin with. Those can rot in hell and I shall not mourn their demise)

Like??? It might be the Power of Autism™ in me but it always feels like I'm one step away from either making a fool of myself or offending twenty different people or both. It's both the fear of having hundreds of thousands of eyes on me and the fear of having none at all. And that makes it really difficult to share anything on the internet for me. I already have to deal with my entire existence as a trans woman making some cunts around the world mad, it sucks that I have to risk it in places where I just wanna post dumb drawings and talk about dumb things that make me happy with others.

I dunno. Word vomit I guess. Social media is hard. Interacting with humans is hard. Sharing stuff is hard. I prefer Pokémon

[grilledcheese-savage]

Unironically loved The Acolyte. Got some genuine questions on why so many Star Wars fans hate it though. As someone who knows a DEEP amount of lore from both the movies and the non canon books, I feel like I’m inclined to speak on this.

Here’s some questions to ask yourself

1. Do you hate the acting and the “plot holes” or do you just hate women and gay people?

2. Does it actually break the Star Wars lore? Or does it just add more to the general universe?

3. Have you ACTUALLY watched the show up to now? Or did you just assume it was going to suck as soon as you saw Disney made new Star Wars content?

Listen, if you hate that Disney keeps throwing away shows for money, I AGREE. I hate that they seem to put 3% of effort into my favorite universe. But some of the discourse I am hearing on this show is getting eerily close to a hate crime.

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, and you can tell me a definitive answer on the first three, I’d love a could discussion on this show. Free from preemptive opinions.

Spoilers now

Here’s what I liked about this show:

- I liked that they showed someone else created by midichlorians. They insinuated in the prequels that it was how Anakin was born and some people are saying that makes him not special anymore. I disagree with this because palpatine was not the first sith, if you listen to the darth plagueis story, he says “He could even use the force to influence the midichlorians to create life.” They never said he was the only person. They just said “ITS A SITH LEGEND”. Don’t you think a cult of sith lesbians would know the story of darth plagueis the wise? I mean yeah, it makes for some grey area in terms of timeline but we have 300 year old Jedi masters and he’s a sith that gets a clone in the sequels it’s not that impossible.

- I love the idea of twins when it comes to Star Wars. One dark one light.

- The costumes!!! The costumes tell a story. For one, I actually love that they aren’t weathered because this was a time of peace for the Jedi, most Jedi wouldn’t have as much time in the field to weather their clothes, so they’re very bright and colorful.

- The settings were so beautiful, and gave me MAJORRR dark fantasy vibes. Especially the space suit, it was giving a different vibe for Star Wars yet still get very George Lucas to me.

- And of course, I have to talk about the fight scenes. They are so fast it really feels like these people know what they’re doing. You can understand their train of thought in every move. It’s fun to watch.

- The lightsabers. I love seeing more yellow lightsabers and more variety. I love seeing the lightsaber whip, I need more of it tho.

- I loved Jecki and Sol, they were pretty fun and original characters. I like how morally grey Sol is, and jecki is my fave type of character… rip.

Here’s what I didn’t like:

- why did that one chick have a purple lightsaber? I was fine with it at first but now it kinda messes with how I saw purple lightsabers. I know the colors don’t technically have a meaning, or at least a set one. Especially since Samuel Jackson just wanted a purple one. But I always saw it as someone who was morally grey and walked the line between the dark in the light. Someone who has a code, but will kill for their own obligations. Which would actually work for this character… it’s the fact that the color is supposed to be rare. I always thought Mace was the first and one of the only to have a purple lightsaber. I’m not against there being multiple purple lightsabers, I just wish they explained it a bit more. Idk. This one’s just me.

- The acting isn’t necessarily bad… it just isn’t great either? Idk, I got mixed feelings. Because there are some episodes where I think “Amandla’s doing pretty good this episode playing two people.” And then I see another scene and think “Damn… I wish they chose some different actors because this is just clunky.” ESPECIALLY the children. I thought there acting was rough, but I’m pretty lenient when it comes to that because they’re kids and they’ll grow with age. Plus, it’s hard to find twins who look like amandla who can act.

-the dialogue is not great a lot of the time. But I’m a Star Wars fan, so I know for a fact that’s never been just “The Acolyte”’s problem. I think we were spoiled Andor.

- I was kinda nervous about the addition of sith witches, but that’s again, just a personal opinion. It’s not that I’m against just sith witches, I just had to get used to the idea of people other than the Jedi, understanding the force but using it differently. Which, wasn’t just an acolyte problem for me. It was a Dave Filoni adding witches to sci fi problem. It’s just, when I think “witches” I don’t think “Star wars”. Because the force isn’t really magic. But I’ve gotten more used to it the more they developed all the different tribes, and especially after watching rebels and clone wars a while back. I’m actually pretty okay with it now, it just took some getting used to, which the live action only haven’t had to deal with until Ahsoka the series, which was less of a problem because they were focused on Hayden coming back. At least in my opinion that’s how I saw it.

- I didn’t like that jecki used ahsoka moves, despite it being the past, it being the first time they duel blade, and the fact that THEY DIE so they can’t even teach these moves to people who then show ahsoka etc. It leads to my next problem,

- it kinda seemed like they were too focused on references. Like they wanted to prove themselves, like “Hey, this isn’t breaking canon, see, I know a ton about Star Wars lore!” It felt like hand-holding. It was cute the first couple times, but it wasn’t spread out enough.

- Yoda is pretty old, and this show is only 100 years in the past, right? So where is he? In fact, where are most of the Jedi masters. I’m sure a lot of them would be babies, but isn’t Shaak ti like, 240? Huh??? Where is everyone? This is probably why I was so confused in the first episode, thinking it was like, 2000 years in the past.

- and lastly, they run into the problem many prequels run into, which is, not knowing what the past of a futuristic world would look like. It’s hard to come up with, old looking lightsabers when lightsabers are inherently futuristic. Etc.

Other than that, I didn’t actually notice it breaking any canon. It should be obvious to most viewers that it’s going to end with everyone who saw the Sith, dying with his secret. That would fix the “plot hole” that they are apparently making.

Also the number one complaint I’ve been seeing is that they have a black main character, who’s a women and they automatically assume that Disney is being woke. They haven’t done anything remotely woke about this. I’ve also seen people complain that two women had a child.

They’re Sith, wouldn’t that be the OPPOSITE of being woke??? Also this is the future, why do you think that a galaxy of aliens with all kinds of genders would be homophobic? That makes less sense than them moving a birthday around. Also please remember clones exist and Anakin’s mother was a Virgin Mary.

😭💀💀💀 Some of the haters are NOT Star Wars fans and get all of their points from Star Wars theory.

[roykleinberg]

a couple unpopular tron opinions!! lmao

Tron '82 > Legacy, but idk if that's an unpopular thought loll

What that makes Legacy's story go from good to great is all of it's various companion pieces— The Flynn Lives ARG, The Next Day, Betrayal, Evolution, Uprising, etc etc. The best thing about the Tron franchise is how it uses so many different mediums (and technology that viewers interact with in different ways!).

The Flynn Lives ARG, to me, is still the most ingenious thing that has happened to this franchise. Is it a little sad that the deeper aspects of Alan and Sam (and sort of Lora and Roy)'s characters get sidelined to something that average movie-goer isn't going to seek out? Yes, extremely. But the ARG is such a treat for fans that I'm genuinely surprised that Tronblr of the 2020s doesn't pay any attention to it. There's so much character and world building, and so many little, little easter eggs— I think the ARG deserves so much more attention!!!!

Evolution does more for the main program characters of Legacy (Clu2, Quorra) character development than Uprising does 😭The existence of Abraxas makes Clu more sinister because we see him purposefully going behind Flynn's back, and as dark as it was, Quorra's personal losses almost felt more heavy in Evo than Uprising since Anon and Quorra work together through the game. But I'm also very biased because I liked Evo's story so much lmao

—— from @quorras :)

tron confessional with moss

alright let's break this down lol

1. 82 v Legacy

admittedly I have gone back and forth on this one a lot over the years. because I generally (obviously) love 82 to bits and it is my favorite part of the whole franchise. but at times I have questioned if Legacy is narratively the Better Movie(tm). and at the end of the day I think it's somewhat hard to compare because they're telling pretty different stories, once you get past the surface level sucked into cyberspace plot. 82 has a warmer fuzzier view of the potential of technology in the right hands compared to Legacy, which in my interpretation leans more into the idea that family -- human love and connection -- supersedes the more "alien" program way of life. 82 wants you to like the programs and see them as people just like us, whereas Legacy has more of a Basics kinda suck and only the more human ISOs are worth anything approach lol. and I think there's validity in both those takes, and I think the times and environments in which they were created has a huge impact on how they view and approach technology. but. yeah. 82 wins for me on its more optimistic hopeful vibe alone.

2. The Tron EU (extended universe not European Union)

100% agreeeeeeeeee. I sometimes catch myself lamenting the fact that it's such a small franchise, but when you add up all the comics and games and the ARG (Flynn Lives ARG light of my life we will get to you in a moment xoxo) and the show there really is a lot! honestly throw ElecTRONica in there too, there was lore there. half the reason I have such a hard time even recommending the movies to people is because I want to be like okay but you also need to watch/read/play all of this please you don't UNDERSTAND

the way Tron has been handled by some many creators and creative teams is honestly just.... really beautiful and special to me in the most unironic sense. it sucks that the mouse has never given the franchise the trust or the resources to grow, and I hate that so many projects are soured by this air of something being ripped away from people who clearly loved it and wanted to do more. but that love is so undeniable in all these bits and pieces of the franchise. there will always be people who love Tron as much as we the fandom do, and I would rather have a hundred of these one-off passion projects like Uprising or Identity than a bunch of soulless blockbuster movies

3. ARG my beloved <3

42 Entertainment I am kissing you on the mouth

I really can't even articulate everything that the ARG is to me, and I wasn't even involved when it was ongoing. when I was just getting into Tron after Legacy got the home release, a good chunk of the ARG sites were still live, and I remember digging into all of it and being amazed and obsessed. I still have the wiki site where everything is archived bookmarked. there's so much good background in there. and Roy! ROY!!!!!!! and the big reveals in The Next Day? OUR little operation, ISOlatedThinker???? I am not and will neve be normal about it, and it's sad to think the current iteration of the fandom doesn't know about or acknowledge it as much

4. Evolution v Uprising

I feel ya. don't get me wrong, I love the Uprising cast, but I was never completely in love with how the show handled the pre-established characters. like I was saying before I didn't like how Uprising made Clu a more detached / distant villain, so having him be a more direct bastard in Evo worked better for me. and Quorra ugh :( she really loses everything over the course of the game, and I think it makes her character in Legacy so much more poignant knowing that she went through all of that but was still so hopeful. Abraxas was such a good, tragic, fucked up antagonist. and Gibson oughhhhhh. again hard to say what would have happened in a second season of Uprising (pour one out), but Evolution is so deliciously bleak in a way the show never completely got to be. Uprising is mostly dark because we know or can infer what's going to happen, because we know where canon ends up. but Evolution has more of an opportunity to show us the dark and horrible things that went on after the coup, and it's a carries a little more weight as a result. rip Anon you will always be famous

[sovawife]

tell the class all your favorite parts about sova maybe? like what made you really fall for him and all of that!

ok this also might get long i am sorry. thank u for the ask tho its nice to hvae smth to do. either way uhh lets get started

ok so i might have mentioned this but i had a small crush on him a few years ago? i think since like 2022. back then i shipped with cypher and was super fixated on him but i think sova was always in the back of my brain as a crush, although at the time i only had him as a platonic. also cuz one of my good friends who doesnt anymore used to ship with him so i didnt wanna overstep or anything.

anyways im not even sure how i suddenly decided to latch onto him, i think my fixation on yone at the time was starting to fade and my brain just randomly chose to fixate on him even tho he was still a crush at the back of my brain lol. and look where we are now/lh

as for what i like abt him, i think one of the biggest things i like is how polite he is/kind to others. i think thats like a rlly important trait in someone for me if i were like to date someone else and hes just rlly nice in general and very lovely, hes such a big sweetheart :)

also ok im gonna sound crazy here but my friends keep saying im a circle bcuz he rlly fits one of my types which is like the holy trinity of yone vergil and wyll. who are all like, responsible, serious, yet like kind and deeply caring. and sova definitely fits into that archetype haha even though hes not exactly the same?? most of those guys arent exactly the same but theres a huge overlap of similarity with them.

i do also think he is very pretty even tho he is unfortunately white/lh :') (or at least i smacked this guy with the asian beam. get wasian'd) idk i suck at explaining exactly why i like this guy, again i think a big part of it is how kind he is to others!! its again just smth i rlly value in a partner, he genuinely cares about others/esp people hes close to like his grandma. and is very thoughtful. also i like that hes super down to earth and humble like this guy is incredibly talented yet never brags about it at all hes just very modest. smug people drive me nuts so im glad hes not like that lol. he also is very passionate abt his interests like archery and also he does photography! i like to think he also does things like hiking, birdwatching and maybe some gardening in his spare time. idk its a shame we dont get too too much info about val characters although the lore is always constantly growing. i do think he does like lots of outdoorsy hobbies hes very respectful to and attuned with nature i think.

sorry this is getting so long omg. im trying to think of any last things to throw in... i think another thing i rlly love abt him is how calm he is. it kinda balances me out bcuz i tend to be a really hotheaded person but it takes a LOT for him to get bothered by something, or at least lose his temper. in the lore we've never really seen him lose his temper or anything like that? the closest it's gotten is that one image when they were releasing fade where it was like a flashback to him losing his eye and he looked super animalistic. actually i think that in general for him to get that mad or whatever it would probably have to involve one of his loved ones being in danger. which is nice bcuz it shows that he rlly cares.

anyways this is getting so long so i will cut it short but i love my wife <3

[darkmatters-ghost]

I've run into a problem...

06 sucks!

Like we knew that, but writing wise, 06 is such a mess, and I don't- I don't know what to do about it, I have fanfic ideas that take place in 06! And it's such a mess that I feel like it'll tank the quality of my fanfic just from its garbage-ness!

And you might be thinking, oh, but 06 isn't that bad, you said yourself, it's one of your favorite games of all time, and other people deal with it just fine so–

No, you don't get it, it is that bad. And you can tell because almost nothing from that game made it out alive. Like, conceptually, there's some really cool stuff in 06. Crisis City's unique environment, Mephiles as a villain, double chaos control time powers (well...), Iblis, Soleanna. All that stuff is good, but because it was in 06. 06's garbage kinda rubbed off on it, and when everyone realized the game was horrible (including SEGA) all that stuff was never attempted again. No one decided to try and make Mephiles work in new games, no mention of Crisis City, or Solanna, or anything. It all just died with the game. Which makes it all the more impressive that Silver made it out alive.

But that's not the point. We all know it's bad.

The point is that idk where to go from here? Do I keep it the way it is? Do I change it? I'm leaning towards change but what should I change? Would people like those changes?

For example, Blaze is a mess. She's "got amnesia" or whatever, and she's here, but she doesn't talk to anyone but Silver (she almost does when she says "blue hedgehog" but that barely makes any sense and it wouldn't surprise me if it was secretly a pun lost in translation), she always seems to know what Silver was up to even if she wasn't there, she doesn't affect the plot other than making Silver doubt his judgement and then leaving, it's-, it's just a mess.

So, what if we cut Blaze out, altogether? Like, she left before Silver runs into Memphis so Silver's on his own. And since silver can't rely on her to tell him whether or not to trust Mephiles, it makes it so Silver believing him shows it off as a character trait of Silver's desperate naivety instead of it feeling like Blaze sitting there watching him get tricked cuz "it'd be funny". That whole scene really feels like Silver and Blaze get tricked by Mephiles because the plot demanded it of them more than anything else.

Plus, if you don't have Blaze here, Silver's heroes journey can be, in part, trying to figure out what to do when no one's around. Lean on other people less, make his own choices. You wouldn't even really need to cut Blaze's dialogue because Silver would be thinking "what would Blaze do/say?"

And I think it'd add to their friendship, the idea that when he comes back to the future and says he knows how to defeat Iblis, she just goes along with it, and is willing to do anything for Silver because they have such a strong relationship, because she trusts him.

But would people like that retcon? What if people hate it cuz there's less Blaze content?

Idk. It's just something I've been thinking about, there's more things I'd like to change, but luckily, a lot of 06 can be improved by adding extra context, or slightly different introductions that barely change the story.

I'd love to hear what other ppl have to say about dealing with 06's writing, tho

[lemonmoxy]

Ok just to preface this. I am not a fan of AI. For labor reasons, for quality reasons, for the selfish reason of when I’m looking for art I don’t want it clogged down with just objectively bad art (like the hands are fucked up and extra feet).

I do think the primary problem isn’t AI itself but unregulated capitalism that doesn’t care about quality, only lowering costs and the lack of safety nets for people who are ejected to cut costs. It’s bad that the companies do that. It’s bad that there are no safety nets. The problem isn’t really AI BUT until we fix those problems we should regulate the thing directly causing harm.

But some of you anti-AI people have lost your fucking minds.

So. A lot of you are crying about stolen commissions. I promise you, most of the people using AI to generate pictures of their OCs were never going to pay you. They cannot afford to pay you. Or that’s a luxury expense that just isn’t going to happen. I am paycheck to paycheck and I’m never going to spend a whole video game’s worth of money on a picture of my little goblin. Your art IS worth that much, I promise you, I’m not telling you to lower your rates. But I do not have that kind of money for that sort of indulgence. I’m sorry but you peddle luxury, there’s a reason why we had art patrons back in the day.

Some of my friends use AI for their OCs for table top games. I don’t. Because honestly sitting there fucking with it sounds tedious and frustrating to me and the results are always mid at best. But y’all also get mad about people “taking” your art to use for their OCs and maybe editing it to fit the character they have in mind. Which is WILD. I’ll agree, people who do that shouldn’t post it, but if you’re so mad at what people are doing in the privacy of their non published casual dnd sessions, maybe chill the fuck out? Being you sounds exhausting. I also see some of you get mad at people tagging things as inspiration. So what? You want people to pay the poor tax of using piccrew? Even though the results are samey and kinda bad? Idk y’all just are tripping on something.

I’m starting to wonder just what people think inspiration and brainstorming are. People have been pretending to be baffled about why people might use AI to brainstorm. “Use your own brain”. What the fuck do you think brainstorming is? You do not brainstorm by sitting in your room thinking. I mean maybe YOU do. But like you get inspiration from the world around you guys, be for real. A conversation you overheard. An outfit you saw at a crosswalk. The set of the brow of someone on your bus route. A funny post you saw on tumblr. A generative AI like chat GPT is taking things found online and showing them to you. Unless you’re uncritically using it to write a story (and if so that’s bad. Lack of effort and a bad product is bad obviously) you ARE using your brain. We draw inspiration from the world around us, just like the AI does. I know it sucks to feel unoriginal but you just are, sorry. That’s not bad even if it might feel like it. It just is. Even if you sit in a little box and don’t look at the world while you think, you’re thinking about the things you’ve seen and reconfiguring them. Sorry to be the one to break it to you?

Also, you know what chatGPT is good for? Anything an intern could do. You wanna organize your schedule? It’s good at that. You want a grocery list? It’s good at that. You want a menu based of what you got? It’s good at that. Not perfect. Don’t fucking trust a machine without quality checking it, we know that, you guys know that, corporations know that too they just don’t CARE. I don’t know why they’re pretending not to know, money, I don’t know why you guys started pretending.

I saw someone complaining like an old person about spell check and grammar check and how their kid didn’t know that it could be wrong. A ten year old. As if that isn’t normal and explaining to kids how the world works is dystopian. Nah man it’s not a mystery why the kid who still has spelling tests as a part of their everyday school lesions might not know that machines are fallible yet. Probably just how he hasn’t quite learned that adults are idiots too. This person was acting like spell check was some moral sin, some hallmark of the end. Ok grandpa, do you think we should give up the pencil too because writing things down is rotting our brains?

Just like writing things down isn’t an evil action of destroying your memory. I really do not see the difference between me googling for recipes with my ingredients and chatGPT doing it for me. Frankly I’m just as likely to forget I don’t have coriander. But it takes longer for me to do it and sucks.

[gibbearish]

Hey, I found ur trans quiz thing on uquiz, I think I'm in the right place. Anyway, I'm basically positive that I'm trans, but I don't know if I should come out. If I do, my mom and brother will be disgusted by me, (both Christians) and I'm pretty sure I'd get the same result from my best friend. My real name is Roman, but I put Charlie for my username bc I want to be Charlotte instead. I don't want to bottle up my feelings, but I'm sure they would all judge me. What do you suggest I do? Thx for listening.

hey there! yep you reached the right place:3

this is always a tough one, i was in a pretty similar situation when i was in high school. i know a lot of people will say like "you never know until you try, the people who love you might surprise you!" but personally ive always found that to be somewhat shallow advice. you know the people in your life better than randos ever will, so above anything else i would say to go with your gut here. if it tells you that coming out now wouldnt be safe, then unfortunately i think it probably would be in your best interests to just keep your head down until youre able to set up a life and support system outside of them, so that if things do break bad it doesn't fuck you over.

that being said, that doesn't mean you have to bottle it all up either, nor does that mean all hope is lost for having a relationship with those people afterwards.

first, try to seek out others like you in your life right now. im not sure how old you are but most of the people who've reached out from the quiz have been high schoolers so i'm going off that assumption, if you are in high school i would see if your school has a GSA you could join, or if that wouldnt be a possibility bc ur parents wouldnt let you go then you could try reaching out to the teacher that runs it to see if they have any advice or could help you connect with other queer kids outside of the club. if you can't do that then you may still be able to connect, i know the stereotypes abt people "looking gay" are shit but there are also legitimately queer style choices that people make on purpose because they want to look queer (myself included), and while openly saying "hey you look gay lets be friends" would suck, ill let you on on the secret code to tell queer strangers you recognize their vibes: "omg i love your hair". and obviously randos can give that compliment too but im being 100% serious when i say that if that comment comes from Another Queer and is said in the "im gay too please notice me" way, it hits different, idk how to explain lmao. or "i like your pins" if they have pride stuff. really it's just you pointing out the Thing that made you go "you seem like me," and then complimenting it to show the other person youre cool with that stuff. and obv follow the other persons vibes, if theyre just like "oh thanks" and then turn back around then just move on w ur day, but if theyre like "omg i love your hair too!" then *hacker voice* youre in

anyways on to the second part which is all hope is not lost:

you may not be able to come out to these people now, BUT you may be able to start laying the groundwork to do it further down the line. i'm not saying start religious/political arguments, obv do whatever you need to stay safe, but you can start just. nudging them in the right direction. like say your parents are ranting about something right on the line of anger abt queerness, like a guy wearing eyeliner or w/e, you could drop a noncommital "eh i think it looks cool but i get it" or "i mean its kinda just facepaint when you think abt it tho right?" or another example i cant think of right now to just kind of. push the needle a little bit. and with this kind of thing it's very important you dont go into it expecting immediate change, like. this is you planting the seeds so that in six months when theyre trying to fall asleep theyll be like "....huh. i guess it kinda is just like facepaint, so. why is facepaint ok for men but makeup isnt" yknow? so if you go into it with that being the expectation, the things you say hopefully wont register as confrontational or disagreeing, but just as like. the noncommital hand wiggle gesture. it can take a long time for ideas to take root in people so it makes convos much easier when you remind yourself not to expect immediate change

now obviously your mileage may vary, if you think even that would be too dangerous then absolutely feel free to disregard and just do your best not to let the things they say get to you. and either way remember that you WILL have your own life away from them someday where you get to be yourself, and it is never ever too late to start transition. no matter how long you have to stay with them to set up your own life, it is out there, and one day you will get to a point where whether they cut you off or not, it doesn't matter. you'll get to choose your own clothes, religion, hair style, makeup, house decorations, food, schedule, the world will be your oyster. so when it gets hard, hold on to that. i believe in u 💕

[livvyofthelake]

new lost character ranking <3

jack... he's just my special guy... what can i say! i love him! he's just good and complicated and a hater but kind... remember do no harm. i'll be a jack girl forever and ever i fear!

shannon :( my girl... my lovely girl... you do nottt understand i LOVED shannon she's exactly the kind of bitch i always go crazy for in tv shows she was such a cunt but like with hidden depths. oh my god she never got to see mean girls. shannon you would have loved regina george you would have loved mean girls you would have loved grey's anatomy you would have loved taylor swift you would have loved friday night lights you would have loved six the musical and seeing it on broadway when you would have lived in new york... you would have loved sharpay high school musical... and her fabulous adventure...

kate, a classic, she will literally ALWAYS be near the top we love kate and we love straight people we love her tank tops and bootcut jeans and low ponytails <3

sayid my bestieeee... let's not get into these last few episodes with sayid 😐. but he's the bestie!

eko. what if there was a guy who was strong and brave and stoic and so so so kind and caring... he brought all the dead bodies from the crash out of the water so they could bury them... he carried sawyer all the way back to jack to save his life knowing sawyer would never do the same for him... when ana lucia was like if it were you he wouldn't save you! and eko was like i'm not doing it for him... that tiktok comment about how snails can't feel pain and the reply was like what about my pain... he couldn't leave sawyer to die not because he cared about sawyer but because he just cares period... wowie... i like this guy a lot if you couldn't tell

hurley, some may say this is too high a spot for hurley of all people. well EYE really like hurley and i really liked his episode this season and i think he's nice and funny and brings good vibes... as rose said, he's the only person on this island that everybody loves....

sun <3 they have not been giving her much this season fr!!!! but i love her anyway <3

bernard and rose getting ranked together because they're sooooooo everything <3 true love wins!!! they found each other...

claire my girl who does not do very much but she's literally my friend belle! and she's the only character who can have scenes with locke where he's tolerable...

ana lucia. i kinda love it when women like. really suck. you might think YOU'RE a supporter of women who suck but many of you couldn't even handle zelena mills. i'm in the big leagues of loving women who are just the fucking worst. so i suppose it was only natural that i'd end up an ana lucia apologist in the end <3

michael. he's been serving kinda nonstop lately. they were like yeah hey we need a guy just some guy. and what if we got that guy who played mercutio in baz luhrman's romeo + juliet... ok!

libby. kinda a lesbian queen idk. just saying things. i was picking up vibes... she hasn't been given much to do but i've liked her a lot

jin. i actually like jin a lot now i feel like the original plan in the beginning was to portray him as less likable and forgiving because it looked like sun and michael was almost gonna be a thing but they clearly backtracked that like halfway through season 1 and it's much better this way i think

sawyer. he's never climbing this list very far i fear... as much as it slays when he's just absolutely miserable and pathetic and he has an infected bullet wound and he's had the worst several days of his life and nearly died. and as much as we love the horrible man polycule. he's still sawyer... i mean. he's sawyer.

locke. an enemy of jack's is literally an enemy of mine... he hasn't actually done anything in a few episodes but i'm just always kinda mad at him

charlie. he has simply been pissing me the fuck off lately. idk

[anthraxplus]

forgive me for writing so much about tumblr but i have a lot of thoughts

here's the thing about tumblr. i've found it interesting how we continue to call our profiles our "blogs" even though they function differently to the common idea of a blog (like livejournal). but in a way, calling our profiles our blogs makes sense. they're our place to post things we've made or repost content we like. it's more personal than twitter, which has an "information" or "discourse" lens applied to it. the focus on twitter has increasingly been to encourage sharing of information (i.e news or opinions). tumblr's focus has always (afaict) been to encourage sharing of our creations, kinda lumping blogging in there as "self expression" or something to that effect. technically speaking, artists should be more at home on tumblr than on twitter.

but people using their blog as ONLY a blog (no reblogs, just their thoughts or creations - like a livejournal) are in the minority on this site, right? make no mistake, i follow tons of artists who use their blog in a very focused way, but mostly we're all reblogging other people's posts, putting their art on our blogs and riffing in the tags on people's jokes. it is very much a site of Content, Things To Share. the fact that we can blog on here almost feels oddly secondary. but, ok. tumblr is a site for people to post their creations/content, and said content finds an audience through being discovered or reblogged.

so why is it so damn hard to find anything?

like, ok, obviously we can do that. type words into the search bar and you will definitely find posts. but dont you often wonder why the hell some posts showed up in your search and others didnt?

you're telling me filtering searches by top posts of all time isnt showing me the post that has this exact string of text (+- punctuation), but is showing me posts that... have those words in them, scattered, and sometimes not even that exact word ("piss" vs "pissing")?

what about when you try to search for a word or phrase that you KNOW is on a blog in some post, but searching for it brings up NOTHING? i just had to deal with this when searching someone's blog for a specific post i had just seen on my dash - i can only imagine tumblr told me no such post existed because it wasnt tagged with that word.

and all of this feels so obviously wrong, right? even without tags, we should be able to search for words or phrases in a more reliable way on both the site and our blogs. i dont think im alone in the thought that the search function is almost useless - even if it gives me what im looking for sometimes, it can be a struggle, and mostly it just doesnt feel worth it. this is how we can keep ourselves in insular circles and struggle to break out of them. it is literally easier to do this than it is to find new shit.

so, yknow, staff isnt wrong when they say this:

tumblr does need growth, but not necessarily by attracting new users (though, idk, i wouldn't mind that). tumblr needs internal growth. this site is stuck in the early 2010s in a way that is baffling to me, and it has continuously failed to adapt to its userbase's needs in a way that honestly doesnt make sense, and when they do change something, it just ends up causing more strife between staff and users.

so, for example: tumblr needs money to keep functioning, obviously. the common practice is to have ads on the site. but oops, the ads suck and everyone hates them. ok, allow users the option to pay to get rid of ads. but oops, a lot of people dont want to give money to the site that continuously breaks itself (among many other complaints). ok, meet users in the middle and allow them to pay to advertise their stuff - this should be, like, the perfect mix of everything, right? being able to advertise your content on the content site? but oops, this is only a good option because finding new content is so goddamn hard that random people shoving their posts onto your dash is the only remaining viable option. when you have to rely on pure chance/luck for your posts to even be found, even when you do everything in your power to increase their visibility, you're not gonna want to stay here.

i feel like addressing the search function should be the staff's top priority before they implement anything else. we need to be able to find content on the content site. i think thats pretty obvious. once it works the way it already should have, then they can worry about what comes after. i think people feel this animosity with staff because we're struggling to continue to use this site while they struggle to find ways to get money out of us. i think if people felt they could actually use tumblr in the way it intuitively feels like it should be used, that kind of animosity would be more rare*. but until we get that, any change to the site is going to feel wrong.

fwiw though, i'm glad to see staff say that the site basically doesn't work. like. goddamn. took them long enough. i just hope (probably baselessly) that their acknowledgement of this issue will lead to some fixes that benefit the foundational usage of the site.

*yes, there is animosity towards staff for other reasons - like, yknow, how innocuous selfies of trans women get flagged as "mature" (among other things) - but that's an issue of culture/enforcement and not necessarily the raw function of the site, so i feel like it's best suited for a different post

tl:dr PLEASE FIX THE FUCKING SEARCH FUNCTION, IT NEVER SHOULD'VE BEEN ALLOWED TO BE THIS BAD AND I THINK ITS ISSUES HAVE BEEN A MAJOR REASON FOR TUMBLR'S STEADY DECLINE

[chaoticaptendyte]

Get to know me :3

Was tagged by @grippysockgang :3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Apparently after a sri-lankan first lady

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh well yesterday afternoon i had a terrible bout of acidity after lunch and everything hurt so bad that tears came to my eyes, does that count?

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, i mean i am only 20. But i want to one day, two kids, I'd love if they're twins too

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Uhhhh not really no, i use it to the normal extent ig

5. What is the first thing you notice about a person?

Hm, damn i people watch on the train everyday and yet i cannot for the life of me tell u this. I suppose the way they're dressed? And then their hands maybe 👀

6. What is your eye color?

Dark chocolatey pools for you to drown in :)

7. Scary movie or happy ending?

I am actually scared of horror so no, not scary movies EVER unless i have someone to cuddle into and can hide my face in their chest okie. Once my friends forced me to watch conjuring, i spent a month thinking my mom's possessed. Happy movies ftw. Forever.

8. Any special talents?

Hmmmmmm, idk lemme see. I think I'm kinda a decent photographer. I can cook well, don't do it often cause college and I'm kinda lazy and my mom does it for us anyway but yea. Oooohhh, I'm the official taster in our family. Anytime anyone is cooking anything and they need to know if the balance is right or something they come to me :3 which is pretty cool, i guess that counts as special.

9. Where were you born?

In an operation room ✌🏻. I was a C baby. Refused to grow any further so they had to pull me out.

10. What are your hobbies?

Um well it's been a while since I've done some of them tbh butttt- cooking, painting(watercolours), writing poems and fanfic and stuff, origami?, stargazing on my roof, doodling(which i do all the time actually), uhm watching shows and listening to music if it counts? There's prolly others too, just can't think of it rn. Ooh reading too, but it's been a while.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope🥲, I've always wanted a dog though, a little shih tzu or fox terrier. And somehow my feed everywhere is always full of cats. I used to have goldfish but they kinda died extremely brutal deaths 💀💀💀 they kinda got sucked into the water filter cause the suction was too strong and got kinda uh shredded and another time one of the fish kima uhhh ate all the others 💀💀💀 so haven't got anything after that

12. What sports do you/have you played?

Rn i don't play anything, but i used to play pretty much all of em in school- badminton, tt, basketball, throwball, volleyball, football, cricket. Oh and i played pool once tho idk if it counts. Board games too lol.

13. How tall are you?

5'6 ^w^

14. Favorite subject in school?

Science :3 especially physics and biology. But i also loved English just as much tbhhh. Had a phase where i was super into history and geography too and also in like the fifth grade and twelfth i was super into math, like the satisfactionnnn of solving a problem is just *mwa*

Basically I've liked everything at some point

15. Dream job!

Honestly, not having one. That's my dream. I just wanna live in a nice little cottagecore world and bake pjes and cookies and just take care of the house and chill in the farm and look out at the world everyday and be content. If i could I'd love in the 'Anne with an E' world. Or in the hundered acre woods in a treehouse with Christopher Robin <3

This was funn, @astr0-j4y @gamerboyafterdark @alt3r-ego wanna join in?

[3-lavender]

I need opinions bc my mind is fighting with itself.

So the girl I kinda talk about on here, I don’t know how she feels about me. Do I annoy her, does she like me, is she indifferent? I’m just tired of my mind going back and forth on this. My social anxiety definitely doesn’t help in how I perceive our interactions. So I need opinions.

So we go to church together and were on a rugby team together. During practice, we couldn’t really talk so we didn’t talk much but sometimes she’d give me a ride and we’d talk then. We’d talk a lot but it was always a little awkward bc I’m awkward and I think she’s a little awkward too. Except occasionally it wasn’t that awkward and that was nice. It’s always fun to talk to her. There was this one time that we were waiting for another girl to pick up for like 10 minutes (she didn’t end up coming and didn’t know we were waiting lol) and we just talked the whole time. We mainly talked about texting and how we don’t really know how to bc people will think you’re mad if you do or don’t do things and yada yada. Anyways, it was nice. So we always talked when she’d give me rides, I noticed that it was always easier to talk to her when it was just the two of us. Idk why. Then at church, it took awhile but we started talking more. Today, I was brave and sat next to her and we talked and yeah. She was really tired though so she was like falling asleep. But it was really nice because I spent like the whole hour before seeing her sick to my stomach from anxiety about talking to her because I think she’s really fun and cool and pretty so I automatically get more anxious around her. It’s annoying. Last week in church she showed me her prom pictures and I showed her mine and she said I looked pretty but she sounded a little awkward or like she was just saying it bc it’s what you’re supposed to say idk, it still made me happy lol. We watched a play for a church activity and we sat together and talked and she said stop making me laugh bc I was apparently making her laugh. That also made me happy. Afterwards, we made paper airplanes out of the program and threw them but mine sucked. She told me she got a job and said I should work there. She said it two different times. I told her about a gym membership thing and she said we should work out together but another time, she brought it up in a group and said that they should all work out together. So it’s like, she’s just a really outgoing person I think and I’m nothing special, so does she even consider us friends? We text pretty often but pretty much just the game pigeon games on iPhone but I think she texts everyone the games bc she mentioned doing it with another girl she’s not really friends with. Three days ago, I saw her at a rugby thing and got dog spit on her hand and wiped it on me and I chased her trying to get it back on her and then I tripped and scraped my knee and then accidentally got blood on her shirt and I feel really bad still hah. I felt like I probably annoyed her after that. Sometimes, she leaves without talking too me and I can usually tell something’s up, like she’s tired or has a headache or something. But, the thing is, i don’t know if she actually likes being around me. I don’t know if she considers us friends. I don’t know if she actually wanted me to work with her because I really want to work with her but don’t want to seem weird. I just don’t know.

[runthepockets]

It's curious. When you ask a trans woman what she likes about being a woman, she just tells you. Even if she's a tomboy or genderweird with it or whatever, she just tells you. "Learning makeup is fun" "I like looking at my tits in the mirror" "I like feeling like the token girl in a group of guys" "I like the way other women look at me" "I like being a woman in noise/techno/metal/etc" "I like spinning in cute dresses" "I like when my boyfriend bridal carries me cus it makes me feel cute" etc.

When you ask a trans guy what he likes about being a man, there's all this handwringing about avoiding toxic masculinity (which should be talked about, but it shouldn't be the center of every discussion) and whatnot and almost never an actual answer. Like, there's no reason you can't just say "being a dude who plays on a men's soccer team and wears a man's uniform is a hoot" and leave it at that. Being a man in male spaces and enjoying that energy isn't really something to be ashamed of, it's not inherently misogynistic or exclusionary, or whatever. Nothing about being a man really is, cus being a man is morally neutral, just like being a woman is. I think a lot of guys get it stuck in their head that if they say anything nice about being men or liking other men, that people will assume they think the opposite is true of / about women, but that's just a byproduct of binary and patriarchal thinking, and not really our responsibility to take care of when women and womanhood aren't even the subject of the conversation in the first place. Obviously we should call out chauvanistic behavior when we see it, but if someone sees you talking about how cool being a man is and assumes you're some kinda MRA waiting to strike, that's kind of a them problem.

It does ring true that the majority (or at least, the most amplified examples) of trans guy positivity / solidarity online is about paying lip service to patriarchy & answering for the sins of cis dudes more than anything about actually enjoying being a man, let alone a masculine one. Being surrounded by radfem rhetoric and Pop feminism your whole life will, admittedly, leave you with some pretty fucked up ideas about being yourself. So here's some fun and badass things I enjoy about being a dudely dude:

Wearing briefs & boxers

Being "one of the guys", especially in male dominated music subcultures like Metal and Hardcore

Thinking about women seeing me in public and checking me out

Packing in sweatpants specifically so girls have more to look at

Thinking about being a girl's crush

How many things I can buy and put on my wall and ponder just cus they have a woman's ass on them, and how no one really questions it; as much as it sucks to be read as "perpetually horny" and not needing affection by proxy of simply being a man, there are some really nice perks too.

Being a straight dude in general

Having spikey buttrock hair

The way men show affection with one another; I get some people being put off by dapping over hugs or dudes saying "love you homie" or "I miss you man" instead of just saying I love you, cus it reads as ironic masculine detatchment or fear of being read as gay, but idk. I like it. I like low intimacy bonds, sometimes they're a lot more casual and less stressful, and knowing a secret handshake makes me feel cool and included. I've always just read it as men having different ways of showing affection than women do and not much deeper than that.

Singing; everything to smooth, jazzy Baritone to Hard Rock with lots of fry screams to Hardcore and Death Metal growls, nothing is off the table now and I love it.

Wearing suits

Beards (that's the facial hair) & sideburns

Being strong, both emotionally and physically

Being independent

Being blunt

Knowing I have more in common with my heroes and favorite musicians-- Riley Gale, Lil Ugly Mane, Pharrell, Steve-O, ODB, Denzel Curry, etc-- than I ever did before just through identity. Makes me feel fuckin invincible and makes their lyricism and actions hit harder.

People looking at me and assuming I like cars and sports; I know gender roles are hogwash and shouldn't be applied to everyone, but in this case they're right and it feels fucking great.

Revisiting my favorite media as the target demographic rather than as a tomboy; for example, the Naruto episodes where Shikamaru's dad gives him fatherly advice about being a man has always hit pretty hard, but rewatching them now that I can apply a lot of that advice to my own life, it's hit like 20x harder, and has given me a lot more appreciation and respect for the series than I ever thought possible.

That compulsive need I have to compete and show off when a cute girl is around

Being a fighter / advocate / goddamn force of nature; not in terms of randomly hitting people or having a temper, but in context of having a spine, being tough, and generally being pretty resilient, much like the Shonen and Seinen protagonists I admired in my youth.

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

WOOZI LIKES SEX SONGS??? WAIT WHEN WAS THIS AND HOW DID I MISS IT...and you're right he's so good at writing self confident songs wtf genius god of music woozi

OH... IT'S OKAY!! YOU'RE NOT A FRAUD YOU'RE JUST...AN IMAGINER.... WE DO NOT JUDGE AROUND HERE, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU'RE AWESOME

omg okay choose the venue brie 🙄🙄🙄

UR RIGHJT 20s SLANG IS SO FUNNY...giggle juice reminds me of that meme that goes 'the bob got me crunk' IDK IF YOU'VE SEEN IT BUT THAT'S GIGGLE JUICE

OH MY GOD I DIDN'T KNOW GALLAGHER GIRLS IS A BOOK WHOOPS...it sounds so interesting tho??? i'm a sucker for spy books tbh...and who's zachary goode??? tell me more!! ALSO TELL ME ABOUT THE OC NICK. WHAT'S HE LIKE

ALSO WHERE CAN I WATCH DOCTOR WHO AND SUPERNATURAL??? IF THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU TO HYPERFIXATE ON THOSE SHOWS, THEN THEY'RE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME

you like requests that are different?? whoops...sorry i just gave you something really generic...but i will keep that in mind!! i will think about asks that will lead to a relationship because that's actually the best ending hands down

I POSTED MY BEST FRIEND ON MY STORY (a guy) AND HE LEFT ME ON DELIVERED LMAOOOOOO WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?? (i might block him, thank you btw...) (treat you better plays in the background)

why is it fair for your friends to be mad at you??? not to pry but like can't you choose who you want to be friends with ?😭 don't get sick thinking about it wtf you deserve better

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR GOING OFF ABOUT HTINGS THAT YOU LIKE??? I'LL GLADLY LISTEN <3

-🫨 anon

I keep a watchful eye of his spotify playlist…. Nasty by Arianna grande PLUS HE LIKES BRUNO MARS AND JUSTIN BIEBER and he used to really like fine by me by chris brown (he was jamming to it in a very old video) and while i digress the majority of these are kinda baby sex songs THEY ARE STILL SEX SONGS

AN IMAGINER 🥹

This is kinda lame but i’ve always kinda adored a forest venue kinda like in twilight i guess 😭 Imagine it.. a wedding, in the snow... bridesmaids in like sage and blush colors IT SEEMS MAGICAL

I LOOKED UP THE MEME AND I AM LAUGHING SO HARD THATS THE GIGGLE JUICE!!!!!!!

I DONT THINK ITS A SUPER POPULAR BOOK SERIES MOST PEOPLE I KNOW DON'T KNOW THE SERIES

Zachary Goode is one of the boys that goes to Blackthorne Academy and HE IS LITERALLY SO HOT the first time they meet HE OUT SPIES HER which is CRAZY if you read the first book because she is the best spy at Gallagher academy. i don't remember too much about him but he is a huge flirt and in the second book (when we meet him) he is just so respectful of her and obsessed with her.... He's perfect PERFECT.

YOU CAN WATCH DOCTOR WHO ON I BELIEVE HBO MAX they took it off netflix a few years ago... like what the fuck... AND YOU CAN WATCH SUPERNATURAL ON NETFLIX STILL. I miss that show, they're doing a con right now somewhere in... england I think I saw and I'm so jealous...

ALSO SHUSH. THAT WAS A PERFECT AMAZING IDEA AND YOU HAVE A PERFECT SEXY BRAIN I LOVE IT

HE LEFT YOU ON DELIVERED?! THATS SO ANNOYING you should be able to post your best friend in peace... I am very excited about this update by the way... I would live and die for every tiny detail about your love life so whenever you want to tell someone about it :))) it could be me :))) ^.^

ALRIGHT ILL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE TLDR this started when my friends moved to mornings. The two people I am closest to at work are my friends Sophia and Rachel and they are both directors at my store while I am just a manager. So ALREADY I'm jealous because they get to go to all these director's meetings together, and then they both move to mornings and not only does that suck because they get to see each other all the time and I see them maybe twice a week BUT THEY LEFT ME WITH ALL THE GUY MANAGERS So one of the guy managers I have spoken of before is Ben. And he is the one that I now work with the most. I used to be kinda close with him while he was dating one of the other managers but we kinda waned out of friendship after something happened on one of my leading shifts (it was not deep.)

We will remember Ben as the Capricorn I work with who broke up with his girlfriend because of a conversation he had with our boss about how she is not the kind of girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with (as she had been going to parties a lot???) and then he broke up with her at work right after her shift and as he started his and then he had sexual relations with a FRESHLY 18-year-old girl that he had been doing one-on-ones with for work while he was still sleeping with his now ex-girlfriend and she found out because she went through his watch text messages at work

DRAMA RIGHT AND I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, brie he is a terrible person

mhm. So. he is a pretty good friend to have. He is very funny, and is easy to make fun of and he's actually pretty supportive. Working with him all of the time I have gotten closer to him. I used to go to the gym with him and my other coworker Blake but when all the aforementioned stuff happened I stopped. Anyways we all started seeing each other at the gym again and THEN my coworkers Nam and Blake moved to the same apartment 'neighborhood' as me. I joked with them that I would be at their apartment all the time cause we live so close

I've always been kinda friends with Nam since we both like anime and we're the same age, but we aren't actually that close. Anyways Blake was having his birthday party at Nam's apartment and I got myself invited because I am annoying :) And the people there are Daniel, Blake, Nam, and Ben. Somehow, that turned into this group of people hanging out EVERY tuesday. I left my sweatshirt and Nam's apartment on Blake's birthday and so everytime Nam saw me he would loudly be like WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK TO GET YOUR SWEATSHIRT (as if we had fucked and I like it there... humiliating) so I start getting invited to hang out with the group which has extended to adding Minnie, Cassidy, my friend Justin, my coworker Aaron and his friend Kellen.

This is a WEIRD group of people and my friend Rachel does get jealous pretty easily. They both HEAVILY judge me for my friendship with Ben (fair) and they really judged me when I told them about the hangout so I didn't show up like two weeks in a row but for some reason they always text me and call me if I don't show up so I've started going anyways

Rachel doesn't react to my bereals if Ben is in them

So Rachel had taken over the schedule and on the very few times that I got to see her I would joke that she purposely moved herself to mornings cause she doesn't want to work with me. Anyways I am mean when I joke. I know this. I tell people this because I'm really insecure about it because I'm so "nice" all the time no one believes me and then I hurt someone's feelings and I want to cry. So anyways she started crying because of these jokes and she said she felt like I was mad at her.

I wasn't but I also was a little because also we were supposed to hang out with some other friends Emilee, and Chelsea and my friend Dawn and Emilee said she couldn't hangout that day and they planned to hang out then anyways without even trying to find a different day that would work. That's shitty. And then she said that she just really wanted to hammer down a day because she had been trying to plan this since august but like that was just bullshit it was the ONE day Emilee couldn't hang out she just didn't try hard enough and didn't even care that she was leaving Emilee out of it.

SO I was really stressed cause I didn't know how to tell them I thought that was really shitty. And also during ALL of this I am really really depressed. I don't want to talk to anyone, every single shift I worked I would cry because it was so hard and then I ran out of my anxiety meds so I was having panic attacks every single shift.

Anyways Rachel tells me I'm mean, she cries, I cry and then try to ice them out because I don't want to cry and make it all about myself. I have a cute breakdown.

It's really confusing to have this weird group of friends who really want to hang out with me and then Rachel and Sophia who want to hang out with me but also know that Rachel is mad at me. And it's really stressful to remember that if I talk about the people I am hanging out with the most and who seem to want to talk to me the most then my other friends will be mad at me. But if I don't hang out with that weird group of friends I will be so lonely because the only other person that I want to talk to all the time is busy and I am definitely smothering them cause I'm so fucking annoying

So, also I have no one to talk to about work. Rachel and Sophia don't work with the people I work with. I complain about everything if I can and also when I complain about things that Ben do they immediately get him in trouble for it by dragging our store operator into things when they aren't that serious and I am already dogging on him for it so now it's like if I complain about ben it gets back to him and one of these days he is going to be mad at me for it

I always say I can't complain about things because there are always consequences so I stopped complaining about things at work and Rachel and Sophia get mad at me for not talking about work things because we basically don't talk like at all.

However case and point, I told them ages ago that I wanted to learn interviews and they pretended to be excited about it and I mentioned it to them more than once and then a month later they are training James. Not me. So I ask Rachel oh is James learning interviews as if I didn't want to immediately start sobbing upon seeing it. And she immediately said some shit about brittni (our bosses wife) wanting to make sure I wasn't too stressed with school. I ASKED TO LEARN INTERVIEWS. WHY WOULD I ASK IF I WOULD BE TOO STRESSED ABOUT IT BECAUSE OF SCHOOL.

so I complain about it in passing to Blake and my boss over hears that I am upset about something but I don't tell him because I am being a baby right. Well my boss follows up with blake and blake tells him the truth and then my boss thinks that I am upset at him over it. Which I'm not. my boss didn't know I wanted to do interviews. So after our cute little "you should have asked me" chat I cried and then because of that I think rachel got in trouble because I immediately got scheduled to learn interviews.

I DONT WANT TO DO IT NOW. I complained and now everyone things I'm a fucking cry baby. which I am.

and i just. am so greatful for the friends I have but I'm miserable everyday and people are mad at me cause I don't talk about my feelings anymore and I don't even know what they think I just can;t do anything without upsetting anyone.

I don't know. I just really need a therapist but no one will get back to me so I'm just stuck with a dumb psychiatrist who things higher doses of sedative medicine will cure my anxiety and thus minimalize my depression. Whatever. I just hate being a cry baby and being so mad at myself for being a cry baby and then having people tell me how nice and great I am, like I'm not you know what i mean? AND YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN narcissist. Oh boohoo a bunch of people want your attention and want to hang out with you that's so hard. And then on top of that I have to reject a 32-year-old anime coworker who hasn't even asked me out yet.

AND THAT IS WHY IT IS FAIR THEY ARE MAD AT ME and why I should choose not to be friends with my weird group of friends and why I am stressed about it every day sigh

ALSO PRY AWAY again I am such a baby narcissist I love talking about myself sigh