#idk that whole ‘Dream is the only one I trust to edit my videos’

[cherrypeaking]

(I had to go find it and edit it cause its from like a month ago-)

I'm back, and with my ratings!! Within each album, I'll rate the songs. 

Note: won’t be putting the chaos chapter: freeze because it’s the same for fight or escape.

At number one for my favorite album....

The Dream Chapter: Eternity!!

Songs, ranked:

(this was close to impossible btw, I love every single one of these songs.)

6. Fairy of Shampoo

Yes, Soobin's falsetto is fucking ADDICTING, and the song itself has a very pretty vibe but other than that, it does nothing for me.

5. Maze in the Mirror 

This is only here because I haven't listened to it enough to tell yet. I love the guitar though.

4. Drama

The 'ooh-ooh' part is SO GOOD. The whole song is a bop to me, but like I said, I love the whole album, soooo...

(this is where it gets really hard)

3. Eternally

The beat drop has me HOOKED. OBSESSED. ADDICTED. Nothing else to say. Yeonjun shocked me.

2. PUMA

Everything about this song I love. Yeonjun’s rap, the music video, Taehyun in the chorus, everything.

1. Can’t You See Me?

This is one of my original favorite TXT songs, and I still love it so, so much. My dancing to it is absolutely crazy, I love the ‘friends don’t understand me any, sh- more~’ part.

In second place for albums, we have ‘minisode 2: Thursday’s Child’

(this one was also so hard to rank T-T)

5. Thursday’s Child Has Far to Go 

I’m so sorry Gyu T-T. This song just isn’t it for me, I like the upbeat-ness of it and it’s on my ‘dance crazy’ playlist, but it’s the only song on the album I didn’t keep coming back to.

4. Trust Fund Baby

Now, hear me out: I LOVE THIS SONG, SO SO MUCH. The vocals, the ‘i wish everything’s a lie, ah ah ah ah…” is my favorite thing in the world to sing along too. I just have others i like more T-T

3. Good Boy Gone Bad

I LOVE THIS ONE XD

If it was another day, I might rank it first. But not today. I’ve said before how I learned the choreography backwards originally, but I still love singing and dancing to it. Yeonjun’s laugh part makes me go crazy.

2. Lonely Boy

Huening’s voice in this made me DBJUVGHBGUGVHBVG

And hearing Yeonjun’s live rap of it made me love it even more. MY BOY IS SO FUCKING TALENTED

I feel like Hueningkai and Yeonjun tend to be the most stable live performers, so this song live has to be so good.

1. Opening Sequence

YES WE’RE OPENING SEQUENCE ENTHUSIASTS 

Taehyun’s adlibs are so fucking pretty, I love testing my vocals by singing along to them. And the song in general is gorgeous and heartbreaking all at the same time.

For third in albums, we have…

The Chaos Chapter: Fight or Escape.

This album is actually really good in my mind, I don’t love all the songs but the few I love so much make it that much better.

11. I know I love you (feat seori) emocore remix

The only reason is I haven’t listened enough, and I tend to like originals more than remixes

10. Ice Cream

I just haven’t listened to it enough. I’m pretty sure the only times I did I thought it was kinda cringe but idk

9. Magic

Yes. I put this here. I’m very sorry T-T

I think it’s a really pretty song, when they perform it it’s really fun to watch and you can see how much fun they’re having. But the song itself is just not my vibe.

8. *cries* MOA Diary

BEFORE YOU AT ME-

This song is only here because the others left are really, really good. I love this song, I think it’s super cute and it never fails to make me cry. I do find it a little too catchy, but whatever

7. No Rules

THIS SONG IS SO FUN OMGGGGG. No complaints here, just the same thing about loving the other songs a lot.

6. 0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You) feat. Seori

I really love this song. The part where one of the members sings with her?? I love it so much. Also the ‘i know it’s real i can feel it’ part when they sing live??? Taehyun’s voice *faints*

(side note: my dad always says ‘sony jabberjaw’ for that one line ☠️

5. LO$ER=LO♡ER

This song only ranks higher than IKILY because of the ‘lover with a dollar sign is a loser!’ part. I currently have that line on my message board in my room.

4. Anti-Romantic

This song is just so fucking good. I had an era where i was OBSESSED

I still occasionally sing the ‘sorry i’m an anti-romantic’ part whenever my parents are being couple-y

3. What if I had been that PUMA

This song is another I haven’t listened to enough, but I listened to it the other day and LOVED IT. Yeonjun’s intro is so dnfnebvfbjr. The autotune isn’t my favorite but that’s alright (Yeonjun’s rap also has me WEAK-)

2. Dear Sputnik

Actually this song was one that I didn’t even remember how it went, until I looked it up and clicked it. AND BELIEVE ME

I FUCKING LOVE IT

1. Frost

This song. I am OBSESSED I SWEAR TO GOD.

The laugh in the intro?? Their voices in the chorus??? The whole thing just speaks to me on another level. One of my all-time favorite TXT songs.

At number four, we have: the name chapter: temptation

5. Happy Fools

Too repetitive at the chorus. They could’ve done better. That’s all. The meaning itself is great

4. Tinnitus

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE this song. 9/10 song. Beomgyu’s voice had me DYING. The english lyrics made me laugh the first time I saw them but also cry T-T

3. Devil by the Window

This song was my favorite from the very beginning. From when the teaser came out, I was in love. I looped the same 18 seconds they first released on YouTube for HOURS. The song itself was not a disappointment, like I was worried. The bridge is my favorite part, especially Yeonjun’s "I'll fly.” The most gorgeous thing, if you ask me. The choreography is simultaneously creepy AND powerful, the lyrics are sexy when you first hear, but the whole song is meaningful, even the ending gasp.

2. Sugar Rush Ride

This song is one of my favorite TXT songs in general. The choreography, the falsetto in the chorus, everything is beautiful. I’ve managed to strengthen the higher parts of my voice by singing along to it.

1. Farewell, Neverland

Everything about this song speaks to me. The lyrics, the melody. I love it so much, I can’t even explain it. And when they perform live?? Amazing.

In fifth place… Minisode 1: blue hour!!

5. Way home

I just haven’t listened to it enough

4. Blue Hour

The “cause of imagination” part makes me cringe. Other than that, I love it

3. Ghosting

So, I haven’t heard this song in a long time but I’m pretty sure I loved it the last time I did XD

2. Wishlist

MY FAM PLAYED THIS ON MY BIRTHDAY AND I LOVED IT SM

This song is very catchy and I like the vibe.

1. We Lost The Summer

Almost makes me cry. It’s such a pretty song, and YEONJUN IN THE MV??? AHH???

In sixth place, the dream chapter: magic!!

8. Poppin’ star

I don’t like the vibe very much :shrug:

7. Roller coaster

Haven’t heard enough.

6. Magic Island

Haven't heard enough

5. Can’t we just leave the monster alive?

Haven’t heard enough but I think I liked it the last time I did.

4. 20cm

I LOVE THIS SONG SM T-T ITS THE MAIN TRACK FOR ONE OF MY STORIES (also me and Soobin are 20Cm apart)

3. Run Away

This song is addictive. Beomgyu in this music video literally killed me.

2. Angel or Devil

This song makes me cry. Idk why it just does. Also, RAPPER BG FOR EVER

1. New Rules

I USED TO BE OBSESSED WITH THIS SONG

YEONJUNS INTRO?? ALSO TAEHYUNS VOICE?? I LOVE IT AHHH

DEF IN MY TOP TXT SONGS

This is gonna get me slammed by fans but… in seventh… the dream chapter: star

5. Our summer

Haven’t heard enough

4. Nap of a star

Haven’t heard enough but the music video is weird so yes

3. Blue orangeade

Genuinely haven’t heard this one enough either, but the “we like” part is so catchy T-T

2. CROWN

As far as debut songs go, this one doesn’t suck :shrug:

1. The one and only… CAT & DOG

THIS SONG IS UP IN MY FAVE TXT SONGS TOO

YEONJUNS RAP OFC, THE WHOLE THING IS SO FUNNY AND I LOVE IT T-T WHEN THEY PERFORMED LIVE, THE AUDIENCE BARKED AT THEM T-T

omg haha looking at your ranking i believe i should recommend you to listen to maze in the mirror more and especially read the lyrics (BUT please not if you’re in a good mood haha, it’s better to listen to when you’re in a mood to listen to a sadder song 🥺)

we have a lot of favorite songs in common!! i love their discography so much as a whole 🥹🩷 cant you see me is an amazing title track to me seeing it so high in your list makes me so happy 🤗🩷

and omg ada?? you dance?? you learnt gbgb backwards?? what the hell!!! that’s so cool 😳

[mikyouknow]

Thinking about how dnf really trust and rely on each other so much 😔 like it seems they have each other’s YouTube passwords (from George updating Dream’s story and Dream uploading a video on George’s channel w/o telling him first) and George with the “I trust my Dream” + “I don’t trust anyone other then Dream to edit my videos”

Also the calls going through silent and do not disturb is just 🥺 true Trust but also supportive as hell just always being open to be of help and be there for each other 🥺

It just.. rly gets to me like, I can’t even wrap my head around being able to trust someone else so blindly w these stuff - and they haven’t even met each other irl 😳

(... also here’s an important note kids, Don’t trust your internet friend who lives an ocean apart from you who you haven’t even seen the face of with your private info and passwords) ((but if George is the one reading this.. you’re definitely insane for that one, but by all means, carry on doing that bestie ! 🤠))

[m-aster-of-spinjitzu]

the hues of an empty sky

Missing memories, or having two of them for one moment - not quite the same, but if there's one thing Jay's leant over the last few weeks, it's that literally nothing makes sense anymore.

Or, some Skybound aftermath, Zane actually expressing emotions about his memory switch being turned off for all those years, and what was supposed to be a 'they tell everyone about the erased timeline' fic, but it turned into a 'two characters who barely interact on screen talk at like one am in the morning, and don't actually tell the other what exactly they're alluding to the whole time' fic that I wrote at like one am- 

Also yeah, I realized too late that they split up to look for Wu after s7, we’re just gonna pretend that they waited a few days or something, idk anymore tbh, lol.

(I also didn't have time to edit - so please tell me where the typos are? 😂💛)

Word count: 4539

Prompt: crying, from @ninjago-bingo 's warm board.

Trigger warnings: the main character has a panic attack, and squeezes their fingernails into their hands once or twice but I think that's it.

*facepalms* also, guys, i’m so stupid - i literally just realized that this freaking CHANGES TENSE HALFWAY OHMYGOSH I-  i don’t think it’s super noticeable, but ugh, apologies to anyone who actually thought my writing was good lol-

---

It's cold.

Bitterly, freezing cold.

The biting chill of the air is a bit strange for this time of year, but, heck, that's nowhere near the craziest thing that's ever happened to him - not by a long shot.

He sighs, squinting at the stars dotted liberally against the black canvas of the sky.

Cole had once joked that one of them might be the remains of their golden weapons, after they'd hurled the burning mass into the sky - in another alternate timeline; one that only existed in the memories of a certain few.

Gosh - that seemed like such a long time ago.

Wouldn't it be nice to go back to that time, when he'd still thought that their powers were the coolest thing ever - instead of despising them for all the responsibility and sacrifice that came with them? When one of his biggest worries was whether the girl he had a crush on liked him back - not wondering if his friends would survive the night?

"I did not expect to find you awake at this hour, Jay."

Reflexivity, he jumps back, his mind twisting his friend's gentle voice into the- the djin's triumphant, accented one.

You're supposed to be a ninja. What good are you if your friends can still sneak up on you?

"Geez, warn a guy before you sneak up on him! I almost fell off the Bounty!"

"My apologies. I was... surprised to find you awake at this hour," Zane answers. "What are you doing?" "Couldn't sleep. It's too cold," he confesses, not entirely a lie. Ninjago wasn't 'that' far from the Sea of Sand, but he'd grown up in a much warmer area - unfortunately resulting in his practically nonexistent tolerance to the cold. That never failed to stop Kai from teasing him about it, though. He doesn't mention the pressing weight on his chest, almost tangible - or how it constantly makes him feel. Like he's being dragged through the darkness of an empty sky, spikes of fear making everything so freaking terrifying- "You?"

"I have been analyzing my memories of Pixal, in the hope that it may lead me to her whereabouts. However, all my efforts have proved... unsuccessful," Zane answers wearily, shifting his gaze to the sky.

Oh- oh. They'd all be so caught up in the chaos of the last few weeks - hey, it's not like any of them had asked the universe to permanently be out to get them! - that they'd forgotten Pixal was still offline.

"Hey, I'm sure that she's still there somewhere," he says, earnestly. "After all - she wouldn't be your girlfriend if she didn't pull a vanishing act every now and again, eh?"

The question is punctuated with a laugh, but he doesn't say that he's a little worried about her too. They hadn't talked much, but-

I can't see one of my best friends find out that his girlfriend is dead, a quiet voice at the back of his mind points out. Well - been there, done that, wouldn't recommend, he thinks bitterly. Emotional breakdowns and frequent nightmares apply. Anxiety attacks are half off, too!

It's quiet for a few minutes, neither of them seeing a need to break the silence. The wind blows softly through the sails above them; gray wisps of cloud revealing a pale sliver of moonlight that paints the sky in its glow.

It should be a peaceful night: beautiful, calm, no one trying to kill them or destroy their city - for a change.

His hands won't stop shaking.

It should be a peaceful night, but, as usual, the world is too freaking unfair for that-

He hasn't even slept for a full night in weeks! Well, not since- since-

Don't think about it! That's only going to make it worse, duh-

"Are you alright, Jay?"

"Yeah- I- I'm good, thanks," he says quickly, ignoring the way his breathing keeps speeding up. FSM, not this-

Not for the first time, the world suddenly becomes too loud - too much. Every little thing, from trying to breathe properly or even walk- feels insurmountable, because, gosh, oh gosh, it's going to come crashing down if he even moves-

The memory starts off the same as it always does.

Rubble strewn over the temple grounds, his friends literally reduced to nothing more than statues. A shot that hit the mark perfectly, but perfectly shattered his world in the process.

A poison-splattered dress, a terrifying realization.

Her well-aimed joke, but one that never fails to sting every time. Gosh, why hadn't they just allowed her to join their team in the first place? Maybe they could've prevented this- this- whole situation, if they hadn't been so freaking egotistical-

And, again, he's overwhelmed by the sheer sense of helplessness, all his power and training and skills completely useless to one of the people he cared most about. FSM, if only I hadn't used my first w-request so carelessly! If only I'd been able to escape- or, or if only I'd been able to assemble the team faster! If only-

Despite being in what must've been unimaginable pain, she offers a strained smile - a sweet gesture that, ironically, feels like she's poisoning him, because- because FSM, this is all so wrong, it wasn't supposed to end like this-

He watches with horror as her eyes dull and she stills in his arms.

She's gone, FSM, she's gone and it's all my fault-

"Jay?" a voice asks, concern evident in their tone. Distantly, he registers that he's having a breakdown in front of one of his best friends - one of the things he'd been trying really hard to avoid.

Dang it.

"I-" he tries to say, but, great, he's breathing too fast to even get the stupid words out.

"Breathe in for four seconds," Zane says, softly.

Four seconds? Time has no meaning right now, narrowed down to, like - falling down a chasm, terrified of what's at the bottom, except the fear's all around, this- this... foreboding thing of his mind that keeps yelling that he needs to run, or fight, but he can't, can't-

Right. Four seconds.

You're okay, you're fine, no one's trying to hurt you or your friends. She's not dead.

But what if- what if they're being dragged out of this ship right now? What if it was all a dream, and she's dead anyway, because all of us were too stupid to come up with another plan, and none of us could even do anything when she-

After a little while, when he could breathe a little easier, and the fear didn't feel like it was slamming into him from every possible direction, he slowly opened his eyes. Shakily, he wiped a tear from his face - as if that would wipe away all the weeks that had, theoretically, never even freaking happened.

The sky comes back into focus - pinpricks of light against pitch black. 

How was he going to come up with some sorta explanation without... well, explaining everything?

Great.

My nerves are frayed, and I have to lie to a walking lie detector - what could possibly go wrong?

"Are you alright?" Zane asks, his brows creased in concern.

"Heh heh, yeah. Probably just too many video games," he replies quickly, laughter a bit strained.

"You were muttering to yourself," his friend replies quietly. Ugh, trust the way-too-observant-nindroid to call him out on the remains of his facade. "If you do not mind me asking, what was 'all your fault'? I am sure that it was probably a misunderstanding."

You're the one who misunderstands everything, he thinks wearily, ignoring the part of him that yearns to tell someone else about... well, everything that's happened because of that stupid teapot. He's not one to keep secrets by nature, and it's been taking a bigger toll of him than he'd thought it would. Is this how Nya felt when she was still the Samurai? "It's- it's nothing, probably just nonsense."

"Are you sure? You seem... quite worried about something."

Dang it, were his hands still shaking? He presses his fingernails into his palms, squeezing his eyes shut for a second.

He's talking to one of his best friends, FSM. Weren't friends able to tell each other anything?

"Do you think it's easier to forget? Better?"

He didn't even realize he'd asked a question until Zane's eyes widened in surprise.

A forest coated in snow, ice crystals dangling from the tree branches above their heads. Plenty of screaming - way too much, he reflects, couldn't they have been a bit nicer? It must've been pretty jarring to learn that you weren't human, or that your father had erased years of your life from your mind - in that weird underground treehouse. Those crazy tree monsters - and the realization that they all had much more power than they'd thought.

"N- nevermind," he stutters, fleetingly thinking of kicking the deck. "That's way too personal, you don't have to answer it-"

"I do not mind," Zane says, a bit sadly.

Oh.

Heck, his friend was way too nice.

They gaze up at the stars for a few minutes, not really seeing them - one drowning under the weight of too many secrets, the other, too many memories.

It's quiet - too quiet.

Ugh, he thinks, sighing, that sounds like something a low-budget horror movie would start with, cringey sound effects to match.

But the silence is a painful reminder of the days he'd spent tossing and turning in a cramped cell - nothing but his worries and the bruises on his leg from that stupid ball and chain keeping him awake.

He's been trying hard - maybe too hard - to avoid being alone, avoid being in a situation where they've gotta be quiet ever since then, because, dang it, his memories always seem to fill the silence, and they're always far more terrifying than they should be-

It's easier, in a way, to be mocked for his stupid jokes than it is to relive a single moment from those nightmarish few weeks.

Almost reflexively, he grasps for something to fill the quiet.

"Heh, this is a bit awkward. It's okay if you wanna leave-"

"I do not mind," Zane echoes, walking a bit closer. "It is not as if I need to sleep. But... I do not quite know what to think of your question."

There comes the answer - or a semblance of one at least, and it's the last thing he'd been expecting.

"You don't know?" he blurts out before he can even think of trying to filter the thought. Way to treat your friend who's been nothing but kind to you, Jay. "But you're- you're a nindroid! You know everything-"

"Pixal," his friend mutters softly, sighing, and the hurt, the fear, laced through the word makes something in his heart practically twist. He knows all too well what it feels like to be in that situation - even if, technically, it had never happened.

Then- "I wish that were true. But I suppose that my emotions make certain situations much more complicated than... than they need to be. Thus I cannot give my perspective on this - or, at least, without sounding quite conflicted."

"You know that you're allowed to be conflicted, right? Even the coolest Nindroids don't know everything."

"...Yes, I suppose so."

Jay frowns at the almost subconscious hesitation, eyebrows creasing in concern.

"Seriously," he starts earnestly. They're both leaning on one of the railings just above the deck now. "Just 'cause you're a nindroid doesn't mean that you've gotta chase some kind of perfection that doesn't even exist."

He doesn't miss how Zane's eyes widen in shock, their bright blue hue glowing a little brighter - and heck, if that doesn't hurt even more than the earlier realization.

"Besides - it's not like none of us haven't made mistakes before. Hate to go all Wu on ya, but they help us learn or some stupid thing like that. Even if the mistake is trying not to make 'em, you know?"

"Thank you," Zane replies, a tired smile on his face. "Even the most advanced tech is susceptible to error, I suppose."

They've all made lots of mistakes, heaven forbid if one of them is still agonizing over messing up over the crazy situations the universe constantly put them in. It's not like they were told they'd have to face more ancient evil armies than they could count, were they?

Maybe it's time to stop focusing on events that never even happened, and pay more attention to your friends. What's the point of being part of this team if you're always scared or selfish?

"Shut up," he mumbles, rubbing his temples. What's the point of fighting if your own brain is gonna fight you whenever it gets a chance? A few seconds later, he schools his face back into his default anxious grin. "Great, cause I- I- could use your advice on something." "Alright," comes the quiet reply, his friend seemingly lost in thought.

"What if you wanted to tell someone something, but you couldn't?"

His breathing starts to speed up again, but he grips the deck until his fingers are practically bruised, stark white against his tanned skin. Not this time-

"Is this what you were referring to earlier? An event that you blamed yourself for?" Zane asks, eyes flitting between the floor and the sky.

Dang it, way too observant as usual. He masks his surprise with a laugh, but the conversation definitely isn't going as planned and, oh gosh oh gosh, what if-

No, there's no way that any of them would even believe that. Besides - no one can remember stuff that they've forgotten, especially if magic's at play.

"Yeah, kinda," and he's surprised by how steady his voice sounds. It's not easy to even think about that- event, talking about it is a whole different thing. A much more difficult thing, but also - a bit, a little bit, easier. "I-" "Apologies for interrupting," his friend interjects. "I suppose that I have not been entirely honest with you." What?

"A few days ago, I discovered a number of deleted memory files buried deep within my code."

Just like that, his whole world tilts out from underneath him.

It takes every ounce of his strength to keep himself from falling into the abyss again.

Wait, what?

Has he really known for all this time? It's been weeks! Surely he would've said something? It can't be, it never even-

The rational part of his mind points out that he can remember every day of those few weeks. Well, he was the one to make the wish - magical logic is kinda stupid, but maybe that's why he had to remember it or something?

Well then, a small voice interjects, why was Nya cursed to remember everything too?

Of course, even the stupid magical logic doesn't even make sense to the one who caused this whole mess in the first place.

"They were almost entirely corrupted - scrambled in a way that I am not familiar with. However, I did realize that certain files bore dates that have not even occurred yet. I dismissed it as a problem with my code, however..."

Breathe, calm down, it's not like he was able to process them or anything-

We agreed that no one was supposed to know! What if they end up blaming us for keeping it a secret this long, or, or-

"I mean, they could've been-" he starts, but the way in which he's nervously twisting his fingers is a pretty clear indication that he's lying, dang it.

"So when you mentioned that you were unable to tell someone something - did you mean that it was because they had quite literally forgotten about it?"

Great. Fantastic. Of course the literal robot has pieced it together by now-

He squeezes his eyes shut for a minute, hoping that if he ignores the problem, maybe it'll go away.

Okay, fine, maybe he's trying to figure out a way to fix this whole mess. Doesn't mean that he's any closer to coming up with a solution, though.

"Er, yeah," he whispers, shoulders slumped, eyes still firmly shut. Because gosh, he doesn't want to - can't, can't - see the realization dawn that, yeah, he's lied to people he's known for years and years, even though they've all seen way too many times that secrets bring nothing but trouble-

"Well, then - I would say that you don't have to tell them," Zane replies, surprisingly... earnestly? That, or he's either too freaked out to understand the tone properly. Could be either.

He opens his eyes, hesitantly.

And it comes as a bit of a shock to find nothing but concern reflected in his friend's.

The almost persistent weight on his chest feels a little lighter now, like the sky isn't as quite so empty.

Well, it still kinda is. But that doesn't hold as much weight as he'd thought it did - not if one of his friends is willing to look past that; past the heaviness of holding up all those memories with nothing his single star, flickering in and out of the darkness, to try and light the unforgiving darkness of the sky.

"Why?" Jay asks, so quietly he can barely hear it himself. "Don't I owe it to them? Do you?"

"No. Definitely not," comes the reply, so full of conviction that he almost stumbles back. Why-

"My father..."

Oh- oh.

"thought it was better to spare me the pain of mourning him than for me to know who I was," Zane confesses, hesitantly. "Not that I disagree, necessarily. I just..."

He trails off, clutching the railing so hard that the wood almost snaps beneath his titanium fingers.

It takes Jay a little while to realize why - why exactly his friend, who has access to a wealth of knowledge and information, is grasping for an answer. Because- because, well, even if someone does something in your best interests - sometimes the choice isn't always up to them. Or maybe it is, but it was... difficult, to say the least, to let go of the fact that his parents had never told him the truth sooner. Not that he blames them, necessarily - it's not like they knew that his father would pass on before he'd even get the chance to meet him - but... it's confusing, and difficult, not to know why you were left at a junkyard as soon as you were born. Maybe if he'd known that sooner, he could've asked the one person who might've had answers - although it's not like hoping for the past to change will actually change it.

They don't even know that you know, a small voice at the back of his mind points out, and suddenly everything makes a lot more sense-

"You wanted a choice," he breathes, eyes widening. A choice - like one that he'd never been given, one that he stills struggles not to hold against two people who've always had his best interests at heart. Even if they did have the right to withhold that one thing, after all they've done for him - the 'what if's' still echo in his mind far more often than he'd like. "There's nothing wrong with that, even if it feels that way. I kinda get where you're coming from, dude, and it's... super confusing, but I'd be pretty mad if my memories were tampered with like that."

So would anyone, he realizes, heart sinking. Oh, great. Not helping-

"I- I suppose so?" Zane answers, but it sounds more like a question than a reply. "However, in the same vein, it would be unwise for you to give away your choice whilst you still have one." "But don't I owe it to everyone? You just said it, it's horrible to alter people's memories and I- I-" "Did we forget... whatever it was for a good reason? "I- I mean, I guess, but..." "Then you do not owe it to us to relive something that we do not even remember." The words should be a relief - and they kinda are. But some part of him really does want to explain the crazy alternate timeline, and everything that happened in it. It's just... really, really freaking difficult.

"What if- what if I wanted to, though?" Jay asks hysterically, running his hands through his hair in a frenzied sort of way. "And I still couldn't? I just, I-"

He cuts himself off with a bout of forced laughter.

Zane takes a moment to reply, the bright blue light in his eyes flickering - a small tell that he was thinking so deeply, his processors were literally sparking up a bit.

"You queried earlier if it was easier, or better, to forget. And while all situations are different, I suppose it is... well, subjective. What do you think?" Zane asks, softly.

Derailing the conversation a bit, but his friend's obviously smart enough to be leading up to something.

Sure, he'll go along with it.

"I mean, there are some things I'd rather forget, you know? I guess we all know what that feels like," Jay replies, the statement with oddly sad air to it. They're still kids, after all, and it gets a bit exhausting pretending that their superhero lives were all fun and games - when they'd just given him enough grey hair to last then lifetimes, and enough nightmares to keep him from ever getting the normal amount of sleep his mum always prattled on about.

Sleep, heh heh. Practically a foreign concept, now.

"And I know that stuff that happens, like shapes us or something - and Master Wu would probably go off on a whole ramble about why we learn from our mistakes or whatever," he laughs nervously, resisting the urge to just fall headfirst onto the deck of the stupid ship instead of continuing the conversation," and how 'our scars only make us stronger', crap like that, but I just-"

"I'm just really... tired of this," he confesses warily, shoulders slumped. "W- I remember so many horrible things, and I-" he breaks off, laughing bitterly. His voice takes on a sort of brittle quality, way too high pitched, "and I can't even talk about them, dude. If that's not the most pathetic thing ever, I dunno what is."

"It does not-"

"Don't say it," Jay mutters, rubbing his temples. "I know, I know, my feelings aren't pathetic, they're always valid, whatever, spare me the lecture-"

"That is not what I was going to say," Zane replies gently. "It just seems that you have answered your own question."

"Gee, which one?"

"I do not know how much helpful assistance I can provide in this situation, but it is understandable to wish certain events had never occurred. However, seeing as we cannot change the past, it seems unwise to dwell on said events if you can avoid it."

Jay stiffens, clamping a shaky hand over his mouth. Something seems to press down even harder on his chest, a heavy sort of weight that causes his breathing to speed up again. Don't say it don't say it there's no reason to warn them this time-

"If you would like to tell any of us about something, of course you are welcome to. It does not to be the whole story, after all. Just make sure that it is the decision you choose, not one you choose because of what you think how it will affect others," Zane finishes quietly, ducking his head as if he's embarrassed.

The stars are still white-hot, burning away some million miles above them.

"Thanks," he says, and puts his hand softly on Zane's shoulder. "I mean, I know - that all makes sense, I guess. It's just- I-"

"You want to?"

"Yeah," Jay starts, sighing, "I do. It's just- it's not just my choice. And I'm pretty much dying already right now, so, as fantastic as making it all worse sounds, hard pass."

Oops, maybe he shouldn't have said that last bit. They'd agreed not to tell anyone about it - even this conversation was cutting it way too close. It wasn't impossible for them to put everything together - they were a pretty smart group, after all, even without their resident inventor and engineer - and Jay didn't really know what he'd think if they did. Fearful? Relieved? Angry?

"That does... not sound great? Dying certainly does not seem-"

"It's called sarcasm, Zane."

"Oh- yes. My memory now accesses the fact that people often speak in that manner. It does seem a bit counterproductive, though. Why not just say what you mean?"

"Shut it, you have no clue how integral to my life it is," Jay replies with a halfhearted grin.

A few seconds later, he remembers something his friend had mentioned earlier, and the grin disappears.

"You know that you can talk to us if you're not happy, right?" he asks, earnestly. Sure, it's not like he could always do that, considering, well, a stupid djin and even stupider magic, but it's not like he needs to. It's- well- he'll be okay, probably. Maybe. Kinda.

Zane's eyes blink on and off again, blue fading in and out. "I... I suppose that I was not quite aware of that."

Okay, they've screwed up way too many times, but this... this is pretty bad. Dang it, how long does it take for them to throw self-preservation instincts at their friend before he freaking- picks them up or something?

"However, will it not hurt those who have experienced the same unfortunate events?"

Dude, not the best question to ask someone wondering the exact same thing-

"It's been... uh, nice, kind of, talking to you. So- I don't think so, and I'm pretty sure someone would say so if it did. Besides, don't we talk about our adventures all the time? It'd probably be better if we... uh, well- heh heh, nothing."

"If we talked about the less than positive elements of them? Perhaps, but I still-"

Maybe it's the fact Zane has always tried to be there for him, or maybe he's too sleep deprived to care anymore, but this is a way too familiar situation and-

Well, not ignoring the issue would be a start.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we're family, Zane. We care about each other. And, gosh, that means that we care about you too. Memories are stupid and annoying sometimes, but we have to make good ones too, right? To block out the bad ones a bit, I guess? Kinda, at least."

They both look away from the stars now, grappling for something else to say.

In the end, they leave it be with a hug and a fondly exasperated warning about sleeping, if you happen to need it.

After all, they're family. They don't have to be perfect, or tell each other everything - even if it does take them a long time to realize that, and an even longer time remembering it.

---

The next time Jay startles awake from a nightmare, the sky is still empty - painfully so, like an ache that simmers beneath the surface even when it's not able to be seen.

The hue, though, is a little lighter.

Just a little - the all-encompassing darkness of it is now a navy sort of blue, his star shining a little bit brighter.

It's still not sunrise, not even close - but he'll take it. AN: the ‘sky’ mentioned at the start and end is a stupid metaphor that i somehow ended up liking too much to trash, it’s ‘empty’ because he hasn’t told anyone about the timeline, and Nya’s not included because they never had a chance to tell each other everything significant or even talked about it or processed it on screen. so yeah! if you read this,,, not great thing, can i send you a hug or good vibes or smth? tyy🥺

[sapnapsimparc]

so today i once again fell down a tiktok comp rabbit hole on youtube, as you do, and i got on the cute relationship tiktok trends side, and i also have the dnf brainrot as usual, so here's what my brain keeps telling me rn:

''pretend youre mad at your bf and then say i love you'' trend: 1. george yells for dream but uses clay because He Mad and dream comes in, all kicked puppy, and when george says ''i love you'' he lights up because aw but then just fucking slams the door behind himself because ''youre such an idiot'' but then comes back in and cuddles the shit out of george. 2. dream yells for george trying to sound mad and george just comes in with an eye roll and a ''what'' because he knows he can do no wrong and dream just smiles as he says his ''i love you'' and george rolls his eyes but gives a kissie to dream but then just fucking leaves

''why didn't you tell me?'' ''what?'' ''that youre beautiful'' trend (is it? i only saw one but it stuck) - 1. oh you KNOW dream would keep the ''why didn't you tell me? i thought we tell each other everything. you trust me me, right? then why didnt you tell me?'' going until the sun goes down but he also just wants to compliment george because thats how he is so after george starts getting Seriously Fed Up he just goes ''why didn't you tell me you are straight up gorgeous?'' and george just stands there trying to decide if he should slap dream across the face and leave or just smile and kiss him stupid because actually that was kinda cute. 2. dream is editing and george just barges in with a WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME? and he has a whole ass speech ready and dream is almost crying because he thinks he actually hid something from george on accident and then george just goes ''that you're really pretty'' (because he would refuse to call dream hot and also because dream would appreciate being called pretty over hot any day) and dream actually starts crying a bit both from stress and relief and because this is so dumb but kinda sweet and george just hugs him real tight and doesnt leave until dream finishes his editing. 3. same setting as the second but dream actually hid some big surprise from george and he gets all defensive and the surprise is kinda ruined now but its still okay because its cute i guess

i think my favorite one is when one just lays on top of their s/o randomly while they play video games or are on their phones or whatever but this is not really something you can write, but i really love the idea of both of them just being clingy and randomly flopping on each other idk

[yourneighbourpotato]

An essay and rant on TLOU II

How about naughty dog takes another year or 2 or 3 and does the same thing that sonic movie did and remakes the game and we all agree that part 2 was an unofficial fever dream. And skip to part 3 where everyone gets better development and better not dry deaths or no deaths 💞 and every diverse character isn't there just to be there 💖💖💖 but they are there as people with polished personalities and growth 💞 because as much I'd like to scream gay, lesbian, trans rights I can't.

Although the story needs some or maybe a lot of polishing. The overall ideas aren't that bad but the execution. That's where ND kind of fucked up. Graphics and gameplay may have improved but the game is so slow paced that it can get quite annoying. Graphics and gameplay sadly don't outweigh the minuses of the story.

Now let's get into some spoilers. So yeah spoiler warning.

First of all let's start with Abby. Why? Just why? What's the point of forcing everyone to play as her after she killed Joel who helped her? Also how the fuck did the least trustful character who outsmarted other survivors in 1st game just forgot all survival tactics and experience he had??? Why did Ellie just decided not to use a gun on Abbys group? Or why didn't she think of some plan to distract or ambush them??? Why were we made to chase after Abby the whole game only to see Ellie refuse to kill her? Why did we have to jump around the characters and story so much? Why was the story told in that order??? And etc.

Now. I don't mind ND killing a character but they did it way too early and way too shitty, I wish his death was more meaningful or at least they made a nice build up to that significant moment. Tbh even getting Joel seriously hurt (could've been to the point where he can't live his life like before, can't move legs, looses an arm(so he can't play guitar), can't use his body at all, etc.) that would've been enough to make everyone angry and wanting for revenge maybe even more?.. Or if they(Abbys group) wanted to get revenge on Joel so bad they could've just fucked Ellie up(make him watch her getting tortured/killed maybe) to cause even more pain to Joel who now sees Ellie as a daughter. Abbys part could've been way shorter or at the very least once again done in completely different manner. Because almost no one gave a single shit about Abby and her story and her part of the game. The game could've deceived us into thinking that Abby is a nice pal and she becomes part of Jackson and then she strikes once she gets to know Joel's weak points. Fuck it destroy Jackson like Joel destroyed the fireflies facility. Make it epic. Idk.

Or. Give players more freedom in making choices of what they want to do.? Just a thought.

I don't mind developers that try to be brave and try out new things but if you do it do it thoughtfully with passion that shines through the screen even in the darkest moments.

Now let's move on to the things I actually liked. Obviously I liked graphics they were decent and the environments looked great, not to mention how much fun you can have with photo mode. Music as always was beautiful, loved the guitar in this one too. Gameplay, well it wasn't the hugest leap forward with it because there were stuff that were just chores to lengthen the gameplay in the most boring way possible, such as get this cart to this place so you can climb up or get this wire to start electricity so u can open the gate and etc.(basically the same shit like in the last game or tbh almost any of their games, yes I'm talking to you uncharted but everything else with gameplay such as exploring was more or less fun) Killing enemies was fun, not so much fun killing dogs but you gotta do what you gotta do. Killing Abby at any given opportunity was also quite the attraction. Almost every flashback with Joel and Ellie was enjoyable and brought some tingly emotions in me and also were fun to play and experience. Ellies and Dinas relationship was for more or less okay for me and the 2 of them had some nice moments together (which. Could've been better but oh well, let's not deny that TAAAAAAKEEE E ONNNNN MEEEEEE TAKE ON MEEEE was epic) Also I like how the NPCs that you're with are always doing something even when you are standing in one place(and they also help you out with taking out enemies). I liked that we got some more details about the world of TLOU but it could've been done better. And that's probably about it.

Edit: no that's not about it, the snowball fight was lit. Playing the guitar is enjoyable(guitar hero has nothing on this part). And petting dogs is a plus as well.

Tbh I think ND will have a hard time gaining back the trust from their fans and their ex-fans. It's either they completely remake the story of part 2 or they might as well release some sort of game where we get to play as Joel in that skipped 20 year period. AND IT BETTER BE POLISHED AS FUCK. Wouldn't mind if it went little below the level of 1st game but not below the left behind dlc.

Thank your for listening to my Ted talk anyone wanting to talk and rant. Feel free to do so, share your experience. Video games are art and since art is subjective all opinions are valid. Just because opinions are different doesn't mean one's thoughts are superior to others and there's definitely no need to feel personally attacked by someone else's opinion.

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[kae-karo]

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow 

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset​ thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why? 

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories 

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10) 

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

[mattyslittleworld]

6.

I’m in a cafe in a French little corner of Toronto called Leslieville. I’ve been on the road for a few days by myself, about to start a Canadian week run. My bro hit me about booking a small cool situation and honestly I needed it. First show is a house show and I pulled up to load in...a punk girl full of patches watering plants on her deck. The house looked condemned. I walk in and the house smells like cat shit, there’s stains everywhere, food everywhere, spaced out wonderful dedicated humans, and hardcore posters all over the walls, showing the house shows they’ve thrown over the years. The punk girl said they’ve been doing shows for 6 years. They slide the couch over and setup a PA. This is exactly what I need in my soul. I grew up in these punk squats all over the world. I am this. I come from this. These people don’t know who Casanova or Albee Al are. They don’t know Fetty Wap or Tsu Surf. They know Realm Hulud and this underground culture they love applying to the outside world that pushes them away. A truth to be romanticized.

 I felt like I burnt myself out a month ago. Taking my dreams and flipping them into reality - the loss of friendship and love made me march forward and demand a new life and once that door opened I ran full speed and never looked back....until Quad Studios a few months back. I looked in the mirror and found nothing of the person I was - no resemblance of that kid. That scared me. So when John hit me with this I accepted immediately and packed my shit. I just wanna have convos about challenging, progressive, active things. Trade road stories. Talk about 7inches. Hardcore and punk. I’m grateful to be able to experience both of these worlds. I asked the punk girl if there was a coffee shop and she said there’s a booouuugie one around the corner if “you like spending a lot of money” and when I got here the barista charged me 2 bucks. I love that fuck the system attitude, although at the same time I think I’m becoming a part of the system - the sold out, corporate side of the music business that we all ran against our whole lives. I mean I just wrote a song with Casanova about texting. I just rapped 4 bars with Tsu Surf about gucci sunglasses and Louie v coats and fucking in the back of an Uber. 

I packed my shit and went to NYC and finally got to check out the Queens Bridge housing that Nas grew up in. They were huge. So many. It was so awesome. You can sense the pride and community. From there I just drove around NYC finding spots I used to hangout in as a kid. Blasting inspiring tunes and just vibin out. 

Ended up in Spanish Harlem, Queens, China Town. Damn I love New York. At 4 am I left and started my drive to Canada with a stop at Niagara Falls, where I had a Hotel for 2 days waiting for me. I checked in and just cooled out for 2 days it was amazing. I forgot how much I love touring alone. I drove a half hour to Andy’s house and hung out with him and his wife for the night. And damn did I need that. I needed trust. Loyalty. Familiarity. Friendship. Somebody who grew up fighting like me. Who left that life behind like me. Who’s been in real trouble and seen real life hell like me. We both came so far.  Beautiful.

Im currently in a hotel in Chicoutmi, Quebec. The window open, breeze coming in nice and sweet. Canadian currency everywhere. Coffee cups everywhere. Ive only eaten fruit the past 2 days. I feel good. Last night the drive was really lonely and long, but I toughed it out and here I am. Thinking back a few days ago to Toronto, I was so inspired and so electric. The hotel was right downtown and I walked all the way to Chinatown and the markets. Running around by myself blasting music. You go throughout your life knowing you need to outlive your demons - nights like that really defines that. The shows have been so cool. Great people. Great conversations. I have a few Canadians and im back in the states. 

Ive been editing three music videos along the way. One of which is with Casanova. Im really proud of this. I never thought id get to such a height of being in the room with someone as famous as him. We did the song and it was amazing - but for him to double back and hit this video with me and Rob, damn. The day of the shoot I was so quiet and so awkward before I left. Is this happening? Is this really a thing? Is he really gunna show up? A model is coming. Rooms have been rented. People have been invested. Its all on us. We got there early and set up the set. Ive said it many times before on here - my life socially is completely different. Everybody in my life is brand new and not many people know of my past musical endeavors or even my past in general. But having Rob and Colgan there with me really made me happy. Through thick and thin. I didnt hear from Cass all day so I shot him a text - no answer. I was like oh my god should I call and be annoying? Called him and immediately picked up AYO WHATS GOOD MATTY! 1030 right?! And I was like damn. This dudes a good dude. I asked him if he wanted any Hennessy and he said Yeah pick me up a bottle of dusse. I was like no problem dude….hung up…looked at Rob and went…”What is Dusse?” And he was like NO IDEA LOL. Hit Colgan who was on the way like yo can you scoop Cass some Dusse on the way?? He was like WTF IS THAT!!! I was like IDK so I did the whitest thing ive ever done (Besides being a white rapper) and sent him a google image screen shot and boom nailed it in time. Cass calls and belv goes to let him and his crew in and they mob up and its on. All love from there with such a good vibe. Me and my day 1’s making history…..I remember specifically me rob and Colgan at the port Monmouth skatepark hopelessly lost of a future. Written off by our town and society. Parents let down. Pieces of local shit that’ll amount to nothing. Here we are. Roc Nation….from the basements man. With Belv in the house - without him…none of this would be possible. Killed the video and it left me inspired to see bro just get in the back of a black suburban and drive off. Like damn. Thats wealth. Mentally, and financially. Thats inspiring to me. To be that much of a millionaire but still come and put on for some kids he sees potential in. 

I feel a void though. I want to share this all with somebody. Im ready for a relationship - I feel my mind and body gravitating towards that way of thinking and behavior. I think back to the days of having a home in someones heart….so comforting. I needed to run though. I needed this time. I needed to raise hell. I needed those fights, to fuck my life up. I NEEDED this. I needed to plant my feet on this planet and just get my name known. Make shit happen. The window is open right now…and a storm is rolling in off in the distance. You can see lightning. You can see the clouds darken. Wow. After this show im going to rush back here and just watch it on this sill. 

I feel extremely emotional right now. Im trembling. 

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[fakehappyme]

Only Want You C.H.

A/N: Hi! Since I‘m a loser and no one requested anything, I decided to just request something myself (lmao). While I‘m writing this imagine I will be listening to the song „Only Want You“ by Rita Ora and I‘ll see what happens.

Idk what to think about it, it‘s pretty cheesy and all but I hope you like it :)

Summary: you and calum broke up and have a sad life after the break up and andy makes you two meet again

Word count: 3.078

Warning: cheesy and bad grammar

MASTERLIST

It's been about six months since Calum and you have broken up. You're living in different parts of LA now and slowly build up a new life without each other again. The break up has been a messy one and both of you suffered terribly from it. You needed a lot of time to recover, but neither of you have forgotten the other yet, since you've had something really special. Everybody knew that what you had was nothing ordinary, but something that destiny must've planed. You looked at each other more intense than other couples did and everyone noticed. When you entered the room there was something like a tension in the air that no one could deny.

It all started when you met at Calum's friend Andy's birthday party. You were a close friend of Andy and for a short amount of time you even worked together. Calum and you were standing at the bar ordering a beer at the same time.

„A beer, please!", Calum and you shout at the same time to make the bartender hear your order over the loud music.

„Oh sorry, I didn't want to push in.", you say, giving Calum an apologetic smile.

„How dare you?", he glances at you just to see your surprised face, breaking into laughter shortly after. „I'm joking, it's all good."

„You scared me for a second. I thought you were one of these arrogant people that walk around this party. Like, I haven't met just one nice person yet, that's why I needed this beer real quick. I love Andy but most of his friends are assholes.", you tell Calum, making him laugh even more.

„Well, I just came so I can't relate but I like you, so we could hang out if you like.", he offers.

„Sounds good.", you gladly accept. „I'm (Y/N), by the way."

„Calum.", he answers, shaking your hand.

And this exact moment, was when you first touched the love of your life. For strangers it may seems just like another stupid love story, but for you it was life changing.

You were together for three years. The three best years of your lifes, followed by the worst six months after the break up. There were times when both of you didn't even know why you broke up in the first place and you just wanted to call each other to make up. But one characteristic that your kids would surely have is subbornness, because both of you have it in masses. So you never called each other after that one night, that changed your lifes again.

„What do you mean? I didn't cheat on you, Calum. You know as well as everyone else in this world that I could never cheat on you. Not even if I wanted to. And I don't see why I would want that.", you defend yourself once again. As much as you love each other, as heated are the fights. Fights aren't a rarity in your flat since the jealousy often takes over both of you. It was almost pathetic how often you would fight over something so simple just because you couldn't stand seeing the other one with another person.

„Yeah sure, (Y/N), I'm not stupid. Why would you spend a whole night at Crystal's house after a party and don't even think about calling me? And then Derek posts a pic of you hugging him on instagram? I can count one and one.", Calum hisses. He would never scream at you, even when you fought about stuff like this, you still had the biggest respect for each other.

„You're being ridiculous, Calum. I can't believe you can't trust me and have to accuse me of something like that. I'm sorry that he posted that pic, but we're not even that close on it.", you argue, pointing at the big space between yourself and Derek on the picture to proof your point. „I don't understand what kind of drug makes you fantasize shit like this, but I recommend you to stop taking it. You can call Crystal and Derek and ask them about last night, but I'm out."

„Maybe you should.", he says as calm as you had never heared his voice. Your fights were always intense, but it has never been this bad. This time it fully escalated.

„Okay, I'm packing my bags and I'll be gone in a few hours, don't worry, you'll probably never have to see my cheater-face again."

These were one of the last words said in your relationship. This time he didn't stop you. This time you didn't exaggerate.

None of your friends could believe it when you were telling them. It was Calum and (Y/N), you got through the worst of times together and now you were breaking up over something so stupid. Nobody could tell what was different this time. Maybe you were just exhausted from the many fights you've had over the last few weeks. It was always the same. You couldn't stand seeing each other with someone else. But how could this obsession break you apart, when you should be glued to each other? When you couldn't live without each other? Maybe that was the point. You couldn't live without each other.

For weeks after the break up you didn't leave your apartments. Calum went to the Studio and back home again, he skipped every party he was invited to and called in sick every single day he wasn't desperately needed on. You even quit your job, where you worked with Andy. You couldn't take being reminded of Calum through his friend and Andy constantly trying to cheer you up. But it wasn't so easy thinking about something else when you need to edit photos of your ex-boyfriend. You knew he had the best intentions, but working on 5sos stuff with Andy after the break-up was simply impossible for you. Before the break-up it seemed like a hobby, editing posters, pictures and videos of your boyfriend and his band with your best friend, but now seeing Calum hurt your eyes. Not because you hated him, but because you missed him so much and seeing and not being able to talk to him caused you endless pain.

It took you a few weeks to find a new job in a little photo-shop a few blocks from her apartment. At first you were living with Crystal, but you didn't want to disturb Michael and her living there, even though she said it was okay. But it was better for everyone. Michael reminded you of Calum, too. Everything did. Even breathing sometimes reminded you of Calum, so you were in desperate need to cut everything out of your life that really reminded you of him, even though it broke your heart. You loved Crystal, the band, Andy and everything around them. But Calum and you was history. A sad beautiful tragic love story.

The hurt soon was unbearable so the both of you tried everything to mend it by looking for someone else. You tried everything. Partying and wearing the shortest dresses, even sleeping with others, but none of it worked. They weren't Calum and none of them could ever replace him. Little did you know the girls Calum slept with couldn't replace you either.

The photo-shop you worked at now was really small and barely anyone knew about it. Sometimes you had to take passport photos or application photos of people or you advised people on what camera or what lenses to buy. It wasn't that you minded working there, but you just didn't feel like you belonged there. It was almost like you didn't belong into the life you were living. Without your dream job, without your friends, without Calum. They took your life with them and you needed to get it back.

After two months of working there you were on a good way. You made friends with your new co-worker, Sandra, and you actually managed to not think about your past life as much as you did before. You even unpacked some of the boxes in your apartment, that you hadn't touched since you moved out of your apartment with Calum.

It was almost like you got a piece of your life back and you could finally breathe again.

You could breathe, until one day, after these long six months of trying to recover, when you were working your shift in the shop and suddenly Andy walked in. You felt your body tense up and you felt like crying again. It was like everything you worked so hard for was gone.

He looked at you and froze. Did he not know that you worked here? At the same time he looked like something would finally make sense to him. „(Y/N)?", Andy asked. „Is that really you? I haven't seen you in like.. two months?"

You just nodded. You felt like your voice would break if you tried to speak, so you didn't.

„How are you?", he spoke softly as he came closer to you and saw how much you were fighting the tears.

„I..", you started. „I think I am okay.", you said but it sounded more like a question. „You?"

You didn't really want to talk about yourself, because you felt like crying while you did and something told you he noticed, cause he just nodded.

„A little stressed out. I'm planning my birthday party next week and I was actually looking for a lens for my photo-box camera. I was told this shop here had an very professional advisor so I thought coming here was worth a try. They even mentioned your name but I didn't know it was you, but know that I know it's you I'm surprised I didn't think about it."

You smiled, you felt pretty honored that someone would talk about you like that. It didn't appear to you as if people were really thrilled about the shop when they left, but apparently they were good actors.

„You should come.", he said.

„What? Oh, I don't know if that's a good idea..", you tried to stop him.

„(Y/N), please. All of us are missing you so much. We know you and Calum both had a rough time in the last months but it would mean a lot to me. And I know that the other's would love to see you again. We feel like we lost you.", he tries to persuade you while picking out a lens out of the cupboard and placing it on the counter.

„I miss you too, it's just.. it's just that I'm scared to see Calum. It's been so hard and sometimes I really don't know how I can live another day without Calum or any of you guys. But Calum probably doesn't feel the same way, so I need to distance myself or I will be stuck in this misery forever. It's too hard, I'm sorry.", you said a tear rolling down your face, quickly wiping it away with the back of your hand.

„You two are unbelievable, honestly. Instead of calling each other you two would rather suffer in pain forever. How can loving people be so blind?", he asked, handing you the money for the lens after you packed it into a bag. „I know it's hard but you really should come. Maybe you will be able to finish with all of this drama. I'm not going to force you, it's your decision but I really want you to come. Friday, 8pm, my flat.", he told you just before he left the shop. „See ya."

You couldn't think about anything else all week. Your head hurt from constantly thinking the same shit over and over again. „Should I go or not?"

On Friday you felt as if you were in a trance. The hours just passed by and suddenly you found herself in front of Andy's door. You put on you favorite dress, but you didn't feel as good in it as you usually do. The occasion made you feel insecure and weak.

You swallowed the lump in her throat and opened the door.

Loads of people were already there and you felt like everyone was staring at you when you entered, even though no one was even looking at you. You made your way through the crowd and tried to find Andy but you couldn't spot him anywhere, so you decided to get a much needed drink at the bar. „A beer.", you heard herself say and smiled a little at the thought of when you first met Calum at this exact spot, just to find the knife in your heart, knowing he's not yours anymore.

You turned around to see Andy and already want to go over to him when you see Calum standing right next to him. You held on to the beer in your hand when your feet were carrying her to the door, trying to sneak out without anyone seeing you.

„(Y/N),", you heard Andy calling after you but you didn't stop walking towards the door. You couldn't stop. You needed to get away. How could you even think about coming here? What did you even think? You thought it wouldn't hurt?

You slammed the door behind your back and ran down the stairs, hearing how someone opened the door again. „(Y/N), wait!", you heard someone call, but this time it wasn't Andy. It was Calum. Your motions instantly froze and you had to try hard not to fall down the stairs. You felt drunk even though the beer in your hand was still full.

You turned around to find Calum standing directly behind you. His scent already filling your nose, his presence fully hypnotizing you. „I.. I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I am leaving now.", you said, handing him the beer, turning around again but he grabbed you by the hand.

„No, please. I've been waiting too long for this to happen. To see you. I can't believe what a dumb fucker I was to let you go and not even trying to get you back. My life was so empty without you and I could barely live a second without thinking about you. I know it sounds stupid and maybe you don't believe me, but it's true. I love you, (Y/N), still and I always will. I'm so sorry for everything."

You felt your heart break at the thought of Calum feeling the same way you did all along. That's probably what Andy meant when he said that both of you were blind. Blind and stubborn.

„I am sorry too. I could've called you, but I was too hurt that you could think I would cheat on you, when you're the only one I could ever love, Calum. I can't love anyone else but you, can you please believe me this time?", you choked on your own words, crying. You didn't know that the fact, that Calum didn't believe you how much you loved him, hurt you so much. You could never actually proof him how much you loved him. You had to trust, that he believes and he didn't. But now that would hopefully change.

„I'm so sorry that I made you believe that it was your fault. It was me who ruined everything. I believe you now. I should have all along, (Y/N). I was so scared you could love someone else, that I forgot how much you love me. And when you were gone I was going insane. I slept with other girls that looked like you just to leave them alone in their beds in the morning to walk to your little shop that your working at. I know how that sounds, it's like I'm a psychopath but I couldn't help it. I just needed to see you, but after you even quit your job with Andy I was scared you didn't want to see me again. But being away from you only taught me that I don't want somebody like you, I only want you, (Y/N).", he said, a tear rolling down his face.

You looked at him in shock. How often have you dreamed about seeing Calum outside of your shop, when it was a quiet day, hoping he would come in and talk to you. The fact that he probably was the one to tell Andy about the shop blew your mind. Even though he kind of was a creepy stalker you couldn't help but laugh hysterically at how absolutely stupid the both of you were.

„Why are you laughing?", he asked a little confused.

„We are so stupid, Calum.", you said wiping the tear from his cheeks, leaning a little closer to him. „I did the same shit.", you admit. „Well, except the creepy stalking. But there wasn't a day where I wasn't hoping you'd call me or come into the shop. I was so sick of wearing these mini-dresses to impress all of these boys who just caused me problems and I hated every number I had in my phone when the one number I wanted to blow up my phone was yours. I don't want to spend another night trying to find another you. Never again.", you said closing your eyes to let the past weeks flash back through your head. All of the pain you had been in, all of these boys that meant absolutely nothing to you were now history. You guessed you had to leave him just to know how much you needed him. As you opened your eyes you couldn't hold yourself back anymore and kiss his plump lips that you missed for so long.

After the kiss and a following make out session you two decided to leave the party you barely attended. Calum still holding the beer in his hands, taking a sip. „Man I could need something stronger after that conversation.", he laughed.

„Me too. But I'm scared the stalker I'm with will kidnap me, I gotta be careful.", you said very happy you two could tease each other already again. It was almost like you were never apart.

„Well, watch me.", he laughed and lifted you up off the ground, carrying you home to the apartment you belong to. The one that you and Calum live in from now on.

[anotherfandomok]

Interactive Introverts Richmond Summary! (Part 1 bc rambling)

Ok. My experience and a general summary. I'm gonna do my best I couldn't believe it was happening, before, after, or during it, and now I can't believe it happened. So.

I didn't get ready way too early this time! I loved my outfit it was so cute, and I drew whiskers on my wrist and my cousin did too :). I went over to my cousin's, and my aunt drove us to my uncle's office in Richmond. He took us to II it was so awesome of him. I was flipping out.

We got there and took pics with the signs and stuff I was vibrating and bouncing and shit I was so excited. We lined up and got in doors opened at six and it was a lot of little short lines so we got in really quickly. Immediately I wanted to go downstairs for merch.

We got in the merch line and like really like ahead in the line I was so proud of getting there so fast.

And I saw the like stand up thing background for the m&g?????? So I was like um wtf are they actually right there like thirty feet away from me? So I was watching it and had my phone ready to video. I SAW PHIL LESTER WITH MY OWN EYES LEAN FORWARD AND HUG SOMEONE. y'all you don't understand his hair is SO. BLACK. like it actually shocked me how black it was I guess it doesn't translate.

But anyway they had the last few people do the m&g, and then they left and Dan waved really quick and we all cheered and I GOT A VIDEO OF THEM AKFNDJSFBWJD.

Also, fan project tonight super cute just a pic of Virginia that said "VA LOVES YOU" I didn't know about it until I got there, but someone handed me a stack and asked me to pass them out and I was like um hell yes so I did that.

Anyway, we moved forward in the merch line and yo the line got so long I was so happy we went straight there omg. The merch setup was like really good! Very efficient they had a long table and everything up with prices and stuff it was so well set up and the guy who helped me was super nice.

I got both short sleeved shirts and the long sleeved shirt, as well as a hat and a poster, and my cousin got the hoodie, a poster, and the marble shirt. Cute as hell! It went really smoothly and quickly it was awesome and we just got right through.

We went to the bathroom and it had a lil ledge so we folded and organized our stuff and then went to the bathroom. Tbh the bathrooms there were REALLY nice, and not crowded at all when I went! The theatre itself was so nice you guys like I can't even believe how nice it was it was so fancy like pretty carpeted soft stairs and everything was so ornate and detailed and pretty. Just omg.

Anyway! Then we went and stood by the front doors for a bit and I handed out signs (if you saw me in the lacy white shirt and black shorts with short blond hair aye!). We sat in balconey D, so we went up (a LOT of stairs) and found our seats!

Seriously I can't overstate how gorgeous and amazing this theatre was so fancy with super soft seats and good room like it was so pretty and it had a ton of like Egyptian stuff on the walls omg it was so cool. Y'all. The set was GORGEOUS. Like the lights and the background and just. Wow. I felt so close even though we were the highest up, because everything was very stacked. We really weren't that far away even though we were towards the back like I could see the stage really well.

The set is so gorgeous wow. And I just jammed to all the songs on the preshow playlist it was so amazing I couldn't believe it was real.

Also Dan's Siri came on like twice and was like hi there's really nice merch downstairs and Dan left me to look at memes and stuff, and told us not to film bc iPads are bad lmao. (I filmed anyway don't arrest me).

Everyone FLIPPED SHIT when Welcome To The Black Parade came on oh my god it was so loud and amazing. The lights dimmed and off we went.

They opened with the really adorable video being projected omg my heart and then they rode in dramatically with their steam and everyone LOST THEIR SHIT it was amazing the crowd was so loud all night.

Phil read the Richmond Wikipedia page apparently (wow, nerd) lmao and talked about the rat basketball team. They literally mentioned the rat basketball team like at least six times throughout the show tonight y'all I'm.

Dan said shooketh at something at the beginning and I don't remember what it was but like djfndjsdbrb. Also he did the Naruto run the first time he ran off stage, and we all sCREAMED.

They did a smol duet of A Whole New World which I now know was inspired by the venue - it was so great though and Dan was like that's not what you want trust me it would start off good but it would quickly become horrible. It sounded really good though like I love them they should sing more.

I hadn't seen any spoilers about the beginning! They talked about what an introvert is and asked the introverts and extroverts in the room to cheer sjfbwjsj.

Dan had a six second challenge to pretend to be a llama sitnfndntkejr he pranced and did a noise we all DIED and then he was like "-NO!" it was hilarious sjfndjsnebd.

The segment about what they weren't gonna do had me shook I nearly died. "Please be gentle with the handcuffs; I have sensitive skin" IM DEAD.

Also when they went to walk up and pretend to strip and then they RIPPED OFF THEIR SHIRTS TO REVEAL IDENTICAL SHIRTS UNDERNEATH YOURE FUCKING KIDDING ME WHAT THE FUCK.

We were all really sad about the puppies so Phil said we'd get to see more puppies later in the show and we all screamed and Dan said if you're gonna promise puppies you better follow through.

When they offered to let people touch their hair I was like sjgbdjdbdjabfsn. Pastel personas skgbsjfkekfje??? They put on flower crowns and brought stuffed animals up to the front of the stage wow my heart.

They were like we're not gonna bring up a whole bunch of other YouTubers - because we have no friends and no one replied to our messages.

I can't remember for shit, but the whole beginning segment was just amazing. When they finished talking about how the show was interactive they were like "so that's why now we're going to make one of you stand up at random!!!!!!!" And they shined all the lights up and for a second it was chaos and then they were like kidding kidding we're just kidding and Phil was like your faces were priceless and Dan was like okay you can tell who the introverts and extroverts are the introverts are like crawling into a ball in their seats like "DONT PICK ME" I've never seen 3000 people curl up into a ball before. It was terrifying but also amazing!

Truth bombs! Honestly, I thought they were gonna do all the ones from the website, but they only did one each.

Phil's torture confession would be being bathed in cheese (Dan talked about if that included scrubbing, or if it included scrubbing under flaps y'all I was so done oh my god), but other options were mouth noises in headphones in his ears (to which Dan then did HORRIBLE and horribly loud mouth noises into his mic oh my god it was the worst thing my ears have ever heard ajtbcjejgsj *vomits* he said "not the asmr you came to hear, sorry") and ??? (Help I forgot)

Dan dreams about Nick Jonas in a fursuit at night ("the two things I lease wanted to hear right now, combined), but other options were a dark abyss ("no that's what I see when I look in the mirror") and a one direction reunion.

They would die from "Bees?" But other options were Dan falling out of the gaming chair and taking Phil down with him, and burning down the flat after setting a fire during a baking video gone horribly wrong (both of the runner ups they said were extremely realistic and plausible and they were like are you guys surprised we aren't dead yet we were all like yah). Dan was like where are the bees going to come from???? THAT FLAP keep you eyes on it.

We're real people with free will so you can't just make us do whatever you want, BUT we have made a simulation with a tiny Dan and Phil where you choose what they would do in completely normal, everyday situations that we experience in real life. Remember, tiny Dan and Phil still have emotions and can feel shame and guilt, so this is our test to see if you are responsible enough to be in control during this show - please do what you would actually want us to do if you were controlling us in real life.

Simulation! They have been working on this since they were FETUSES. Not babies, fetuses they were up in their mom's bellies with laptops editing this, and they spent billions of pounds and thousands of Richmond dollars (idk why they said Richmond dollars so many times during the show but sjtbsjdjd it was cute) on it.

Phil first he went to Barstucks (the simulations didn't want to get sued) and got a unicorn death frappe, with lots of sugar so he was vibrating, and he accidentally tweeted a picture of him in his underwear. Shirtless Satan appears and we all cheered for Satan they were concerned and Phil sold his soul to Satan to take the pic down bc he dropped his phone in his drink lmao. SATAN TAKES HIM TO HELL AND THERES DEMON DAN AND HE HAS A POTATO AND HE POTATO PRESSES PHIL TO DEATH FOR ETERNITY. then Phil was like "I still remember the feeling of a wet potato being pressed to my back" I was like sjbsjsjdsj ew.

Dan talked to the furry in the park and went to a furry rave (didn't show him the good Shiba Inu memes he had) and did body shots off of an otter and entered the ladydoor and slipped on the floor and died in his slothbear fursuit. Lmao rip (I'd already heard that ending though). Dan said the show was officially demonitized, and also said "there was an attempt" after people cheered for the good option lmao.

At the end they were like what a waste of all our billions of dollars and all the time spent editing as fetuses.

At the end of the simulation Phil talked about it being like a mob mentality and Dan compared it to fandoms and how if you like something and everyone else seems to have the same reason for liking it or whatever, the people who it especially means some thing to, their voices can get lost. And that's what this show is all about giving the people what they want and getting all the voices and stuff. Fandoms are often seen as one collective unit but you can't expect them all to want the same thing because they're all made up of very different individuals. Etc. It was good.

Our collective name was Kevin. We did a coordinated clap ("the asmr you do want to hear") it was the coolest fucking thing ever ajrnejfnej to build the hive mind. Then we chose a breed of dog for them to get "they just want us to get a dog Phil that's all they want" and Phil led it he was like I think I can get everyone to think the same thing, and we chose Fluffy the very terrifying Chihuahua it was so cool how they did it and that was the one I got so yay! They asked who didn't get fluffy and then they were like "that's okay that just means you aren't part of Kevin... YET." And then they just kept saying how we needed to get inside Kevin and stuff it was like okay wow.

Then we had the WHATS UNDER DANS BED. First of all that box is fucking hilarious, and I think Dan mentioned Phil just wanting an excuse to use props lmao. They explained it and then Phil brought out the audience participation balls "Phil has three balls." Okay. But they really emphasized how if you didn't want it you could just throw it to someone who did like they were so nice and understanding about it and when the music stopped Phil asked and made sure everyone who had one wanted it :). Also they were like keep the answers like amazingphil channel okay keep it PG. But it was actually a really cool concept and the lights went rainbow when they were throwing them around, which I LOVED! The three answers were an anthill but the ants are tiny dogs, a fursuit made of maltesers, and "I think he's trolling us and it's empty"/nothing. Y'all Phil was like has anyone seen a key under their seat and Dan was like wait what are we talking about wait no no I have the key akfnfjejd. They opened it, got the silver tube, opened that and got the scroll, and then they were like this has been in the tube in the locked box on the stage the whole time how could it possibly say what three random members of the audience said, and then they SLOWLY UNROLLED IT AND IT SAID TINY DOG ANTHILL, FURSUIT, AND NOTHING YALL I WAS SHOOK OUT OF MY MIND LIKE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD HAVE MADE THE SHOW WAS MAGIC AND THEY JUST DID THAT OH MY GOD. I'm still shook about it.

Then Phil took the banner and tore it up into like three or four big pieces and was like okay guys tear it up and pass it around tear and share I was so shook I was like oh my god I want a piece of that banner but obviously I was balconey, so they were ripping off pieces and passing it around and Dan and Phil were like omg it's like the walking dead down there "oh my gosh... That is.. violent." I was so shook that they did that like that was so nice and good like snejdbdabfbo.

Survey! Dan dabbed when he said statistics and Phil was like don't dab to statistics and Dan dabbed again and was like math *dab* there was so much unnecessary dabbing it was wow. Phil likes to use props and costumes so the brought out the glasses and clipboards YALL THEM IN GLASSES IN REAL LIFE 😭. Phil read the options for the audience participation one really dramatically and Dan was like "Phil wrote all the answers to these questions obviously" to which Phil replied "I wanted to make them spicy." 68% like audience participation, sixty some feel like they really know Dan and Phil (8% said who are Dan and Phil and Dan was like where do you think you are Shrek the musical? It was so good. I think Phil said maybe that's the parents. Incredible.) (Unnecessary third option bc Phil wanted to see what would happen - it used the middle screen) 40% like the sims the best, but pinof had 36%. Ditl had 16%, and baking and crafts both had four. They ROASTED the four percent who love crafts lmao it was great. (They spent the whole tour budget on the pie chart for the video series lmao it was FANCY) Sixty percent of people whlant Dan and Phil to give the people what Dan and Phil want, so I was really proud of us and Dan seemed surprised and happy about it he said Augusta was like ninty percent what the people want lmao.

ONE FINAL QUESTION WE ASKED YOU DAN OR PHIL BUT THATS TOO EASY NO WE ASKED YOU WHO WOULD YOU SACRIFICE BUT DAN NO ONES REALLY GOING TO BE SACRIFICED RIGHT THIS IS JUST A QUESTION ON A SURVEY IN A STAGE SHOW "I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT ABOUT DAN AND PHIL THERE ARE NO CONSEQUENCES... RIGHT?"

SUPER DRAMATIC SACRIFICE DAN OR PHIL "YOU MIGHT SAY I CANT CHOOSE TOO BAD THE WORLD IS FULL OF HARD DECISIONS ONE OF US WILL BE STRAPPED TO THIS WHEEL" PHIL SAID "ONE OF US IS GOING TO BE PUT IN MORTAL DANGER RIGHT NOW" AND THEN THEY BOTH JUMPED ONTO THE PLATFORM WITH THE WHEEL AND RODE IT BACKWARDS AND THEN INTERMISSION HOLY FUCKING SHIT THEYRE SO DRAMATIC AND EXTRA OH MY GOD IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

I'm forgetting so much but I'm gonna do this in two parts. Intermission seemed to come so quickly! It was at almost eight forty. Intermission was cool I stood up and stretched my legs bc as soon as I sat down my left leg fell asleep and it's still fucked up the. Some more jams though, and the last song they play was The Final Countdown lmao.

Quick note they are both so beautiful ??? Like?? I couldn't stop staring at their fucking legs oh my god and Dan's knees with his ripped jeans help. Also, I was mesmerised by the way Phil walks? And the way he runs and skips and does little jumps and shit? Like it's actually really graceful his legs are So Long and I'm just obsessed with watching him walk around omg. In summary - Legs ™

Edit: I totally forgot about the airhorn during Truth Bombs ajgbfjrnfsiej it was WILD Phil kept playing with it and pressing buttons to make noises before we even started doing Dan's, and Dan was like omg stop but we were all cheering because obviously it was amazing and Dan was like don't cheer when he does that you're encouraging him and we just cheered louder. (Phil also stroked the airhorn remote - the number of times some variation of the word stroke was said tonight..... So much)

At some point during the beginning they talked about why everyone loves the sims bc you can make people and make them do whatever you want and Phil was like like put a hundred sims in a swimming pool and remove the ladders and watch them drown slowly and I used to do that a lot as a kid does that say something and Dan was like that would explain a lot actually (I swear to God he said that phrase about Phil like three or four times throughout the show like wow). And Phil was like you could also make them woohoo with a skeleton or an alien and HE THRUSTED TO EMPHASIZE HIS POINT I WAS LIKE JESUS FUCK STOP PLEASE.

[karenfordonte]

omg dumb nightmare turned into best dream lol riri fixed it...yet again  lol

fentybeauty posted that pic 4/18/22 see source at bottom for link

when posting this on tumblr on 4/23/22

i heard “karen” front door close “i’ll get her” (idk who’s voice that was)

Still editing this post/Rough Draft:

right before i went to sleep last night around 1 am cause i was laying down a while and couldnt sleep till after this part on the tv for a reason lol:

the  tv said jesus wont go to jail it was christian music lol  of a black choir like singing of a group and one of the lead singers? i wasnt really looking at it long but one singer looked like the mom in jays brokemas video but just the hair lol (im used to people doing me wrong lol so i was a little worried about what ifs lol then that song helped me)

i kept waking up like 4 or more times last night i caught myself rubbing my belly when i woke up 2 or 3 times  im like uh .......... i was doing that in my sleep hope it aint a sign lol but im against abortion i always gave god the say when i get pregnant or not so yeah

written 7:23 am 4/21/2022 i had a dream nikko from christas house threatened to beat me up if i dont give him a cig for some reason lol and when i said no and wanted to tell people on fb he made a bunch of gun noises and i thought it was a real gun so i hid behind the dresser and door in my parents old house my little kid room and my cell phone wouldnt call 911 then roger from the board and care the staff guy he and raphael some of the good staff there already stopped him and roger showed me rihanna's wedding dress she designed for my surprise wedding with her it was amazing it had wording all on it cut out very intricate kinda like a snowflake but better so i think it was gonna go on top of a darker color cause the cut out word part was all white and the left boob is the only part i was allowed to read it said "karen" lol and im like roger are you sure thats for me from rihanna to double and tripple check and he was laughing and saying yes lol

and when i woke up her voice told me "i'll get you soon cause you're used to just putting up with other people's bs" lol + more its more than that but omg im hoping lol

(i woke up a bit earlier the sun was rising i smoked then when i layed down i was nauseous but didnt dry heave lol so yeah)

ps the first xaara dream the valentines day one = when we were jumping from hotel room to hotel room it was just us im like oh duh lol

cause sometimes when the voice would be tricky of bs lol i felt forced at times to share elante with other people not our whole soul but i had to put puzzle pieces together and not be like .....look... some people believe jesus is all womens husband i saw it on my mom's fb pic she posted a jesus bible or bom quote about he's their bridegroom or somethin lol but before i thought i must be a jesus in the way of im really nice etc and loving and meek etc yeah the voice lied and i was really naive and young lol i was 17 it told me why do you not wanna give everyone sex energy when it can help their bodies not feel pain etc i was too like oh uh ok cause what got me was im too caring about others discomforts but i put together more and more how to know which voice vibes to trust but im still careful but im getting more progress with it as i age lol alot more like even i tried to force me to do my cliche jesus me character during hard times but i just cant stay addicted to even that guy lol im too addicted to elantes so yeah lol id rather have my fave person in the whole world my elantes as my only romance partners my real twin flames  lol they are extentions of rihanna's selves when in true form lol so yeah

i am mainly addicted to only rihanna and skisst the most though for now i go slow lol

it cheers me up the most in the day when i can sense them in different ways :)

Escape The Fate - Friends And Alibis

ok so i made a task board for keeping a schedule to do lists every day , i keep a calendar for things like appointments, i keep keep notes for notes like shopping lists and things like what to remember to ask  the dr lol  but also budgetting, and keeping track of cigs i smoke a day there too cause im too lazy to pre roll them out and i wanna keep track to make sure i budget right and not smoke too much i wanna keep it under 13 for sure each day for now but yeah lol i think i can do it cause theres some creepy bugs out there lol and i wanna be more productive here anyways lol been callin insurance etc updating addresses and number  settin up rides etc lol

riri song references funny ^ hints <3 im getting a short hair cut monday i want all the dyed parts gone lol i cant tell where that mark is but i'll ask lol but i want it very short anyways though lol i cant donate it cause it was dyed lol oh well its very healthy and thick now and the pony tail is around a ruler size and barely breaks when i brush it and no knots lol but i hate long hair care etc for me its too much of a hassle i love short 'boy' hair and not brushing it cause its short anyways lol and no heavy ass pony tail bs i dont like it in my face either lol etc  since a kid so yeah

heard this one for the first time age 28 lol:

oh btw that song taught me how to spell tear right i thought tare was the shredding definition and tear = cry ohhhhhh lol tearing = ripping etc i thought tearing = crying only lol lmfao its cause my tara dream in the dream im like how do you spell it teara? she said tara so it took me till later to add teara as an aka cause she cries alot like me especially of being in love in focus so sweet felt etc yeah it hits me so great at times mmmm especially here lol i think i cried 3 different days here already of how much love i have for elantes but if i focus on them alot id do that all the time i can feel them enough for sure im already getting wet eyed and smiley again mmmmm lol they know me too good lmfao

i think halsey is a skisst :)

omg i just looked up her tattoos right after: (the arrow of the two mouths kissing exactly what kwins fb banner was back when she met me first but her banner was a photo of 2 lesbians one lip biting saying "i wanna do bad stuff with you" lol i tried to google that pic before i  cant find it lol )

which is basically what halseys other tattoo means lol:

halsey's tattoos:

mmmmhmmm thats her all right

oh a white butterfly fly on me today lol

and today i saw two spiders two different times in this day but i was saved by denise then joe lmfao denise killed one for me it was kinda next to me some  then the other one was on the arm of my chair later and   i got up so fast i dropped my phone lmfao good thing obama phones can get dropped alot lol and not break at all but yeah lol then i told joe later i cant sit in my chair and why so he inspected it all in front of me now i can sit there yay im spoiled

i took a nap just woke up at 6:47 pm man elantes are so hot lol i love when they soul sex = certain kind of love buzzes from gods to wake me up lol and then the tv said "when i woke up i saw the sun" that one song lol

oh oh it was this part my bad lol lol: "I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign" when i was little i always thought sign sad sun instead lmfao mmmmm Ace of Base - The Sign (Official Music Video)

i admit donte 'sleeps' a ton still but they woke me up right before my body took a nap they word stuff alot for me but know exactly how i am im a nicest sweetest innocent baby cliche  only lol yes when they told me what happened before my nap i had to be emotional and roah had to take over then i slept lol

they mentioned this song to me: the "i dont even know how to hold it" - Atmosphere - Always Coming Back Home To You, to relate to that this morning dream with nikko:

Atmosphere - Always Coming Back Home to You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2WBee_bmGu4

in that dream like he had a machine gun and right when he was about to shoot me my darn phone wasnt working  i was saved by raphael and roger   lol (that dream morphed some of my life together when i was being chased by nikko when he was just gonna punch me at first i thought (i always was pretty generous with my cigs at times)  it reminded me of being that young age of when i had that room it was that wildomar mobile home house i grew up in age 5  till age 16 or 17 we moved but my dad used to scare me alot just for his fun and chase me i hated that shit i would cry and scream and when nikko pukes he sounds exactly like my dad when he pukes every time

Atmosphere - The Woman With The Tattooed Hands https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-9nbwHQPKA

i had morning sickness only today again i ate breakfast and lunch a bit late to make sure my stomach was ready i do that in the mornings sometimes lol i got with feeling but i had a busy day with making sure my todo list was all checked off and so ima make sure i eat dinner cause im getting hungry again but a hole isnt 'puckered' anymore its able to open on its own now i noticed but still needed some help so i opened another laxitive package lol thats number 5 i wanted a break on the weekend from using them for different reasons till today but im sure ill be able to go easier probably tonight lol its still hard in there it was stuck lol so i thought one more is necessary so yeah

9:18 pm man wtf  the butthole got swollen shut again i was so close it was normal then wtf happened man idk atleast i have a primary dr visit soon i googled if its a side effect of peg3350 laxitive i cant find anything so weird man

i didnt notice it was like 'glued' shut i used to call it till the end of being at christas house but i dont check it all the time so i just noticed the swollen non flat effect here

i know sometimes christa had chicken thawing out 4 days straight sometimes when mark wanted fast food in a row suprising her she never put it back in the freezer and sometimes it stank but she just said all she has to do is wash it in the sink and the heat when cooking kills the bacteria even though when she had the bag of raw chicken in the sink that whole time closed yeah but it still stank alot so she said she knew what she was doing so i trusted her but i dont wanna think about what ifs but i hope im ok

the poop is finally soft i had to manually take it out again yes washed hands and antibacterial hand sanitizer

but other than that its like still only a tiny bit in there  im just gonna wait to try to go again till after i see the dr lol

when i got the endoscopy at first christa said i dont have to go if i dont want to but on the day of my appointment she told me i am going and she made us all breakfast though (she rarely makes breakfast or lunch we usually have to make those 2 meals ourselves)

im like wait after i ate just a piece of toast and she made me coffee im like im supposed to fast

and she still took me to go

she was honest with them that i ate that morning and so was i

they said ok we'll try to attempt it

but the anethesia usually doesnt hurt me but that one did really bad

but it knocked me out fast at least

after i got my diagnosis slow digestion the nurse said my digestion was probably marked slow because i ate a bit in the morning but

it seems hella slow though still

she said she got endoscopy before i mean come on

that stomach dr place was GI-Excellence in hemet

i dont think its utis i think it might be stomach infections then

cause on fb one of my last posts talked about a new wiping a certain way before   peeing in cup technique not let it drip down the butt hole technique is barely any white blood cells so she said maybe infection maybe not

i think its stomach bacteria that was triggering the false utis most of the time

but its like why am i antibiotic resistant to alot that easily before cause she

possibly gave me fake antibiotics in my bottle

idk how many times per different type but

i know that cipro wasnt the right one based on the net

chicken was my least fave meal at that house but sometimes she made me eat it  

even though nikko would never cook the fried chicken right always bloody he said he didnt know how to read their temp thing when it says chicken not a temp lol and most of the time she made nikko make the chicken dinners anyways but one time when it stank she had me help her cut the bones like snap it etc but i never knew how before but ew

they used a square cooker for chicken that wasnt fried and that one was never bloody chicken but um

christa told me drs call you if results are serious

my old phone would mark even when off who called

this new one dont but i set up my voice mail just in case

the endoscopy took a biopsy for suspected possible h. pylori but never called me so i wasnt concerned

and so i  never went to the follow up visit

it says salmonella causes diareah so it would explain maybe possibly putting that in my food (her imodium)

cause im incotinent especially with diareah and pee . not really solid poop

the anti diareah pills she gave me her own prescription bottle of imodium but it doesnt match online pill descriptions but she was right 300 was the quantity on the lable she says she gets those all the time she had extra bottles in her room i only had diareah there 5 different times

most was when i first got to her house

the last 2 times was when i had sepsis those two times

since ive been incotinent it was hard so many times to pee in the cup  i couldnt find the stream most of the time

but heavenly mother possessed me last time i went to urgent care showed me how to wipe and stand a bit lean forward and pee she was like "i'll show you how" alot of times the nurses dont remember to give me the wipe too so i know to ask every time now

i mean christa had an iphone and her screen used to be cracked but not no more cause those 3 times she told me to google how she can get rid of stuck painful gas her net on her phone wasnt working and i didnt feel like standing long anyways so i was like good i dont have to that was after i posted about my constipated contractions i called it cause it hurt so bad twice shes usually always watching videos on her phone she says she pays for data on her phone and at the time the wifi was working for those 3 times she asked me to do that

atleast i feel way better than being at her house though cause no nausea for whole days mainly only in the mornings thats it i had like only 4 days here of sick the first day, the second day i think, and those two times i slept most of the day all the other days morning sickness only but had one day off i think free from nausea i think that was day 3 possibly

i mean she told me in the beggining her friend used to work at kfc and they fed people green chicken they kept in barrels and used to cook the bacteria off and the green color out  but she said thats why she dont like kfc but later she still bought us kfc when mark paid for it

i never liked the chicken in the square thing when nikko cooked it cause the skin felt too weird like raw like or chewy idk how to explain it but the inside was cooked but never seasoned right i need sauce for that shit to down it but often i just gave mine to someone else cause i dont crave chicken as a main dinner most of the time and it was im more of a red meat fan the most or good sea food like crab or shrimp or clam chowder or certain kind of oysters lol or bbq pork lol or good ham i told her i dont really like chicken that much since i was a kid but yeah lol i only like chicken with sauce or friend crunchy lol

they tried to feed blu their dog raw chicken at times but he never ate it till they cooked it they said

ugh i dont wanna think about that place right now bye

midnight: i tried going to sleep but

Rihanna - Stay ft. Mikky Ekko https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF8BRvqGCNs

i think i gotta shave my whole head lol i bought new soap and a new brush but my hair tie isnt washed but i hate long hair ugh some reason its still itchy usually not this much at this house still isnt as bad as the last house but ima throw away my old soaps and old brush oooo heavenly mother is putting god medicine on it lol cool it has a sudden anti itch cool refreshing effect soothing lol she told me i dont wanna know what made my scalp basically bleed the red hair dye and make my hair fall for that whole month out till i switched not using christas she gave me but like 2 boxes of different brands of hair dye etc doesnt sound like pro hair cutter she said she went to hair and make up  school

lol one time there was a homeless man and a random lady look through our trash seperatley seperate days  christa told me

so yeah fbi been on them

cause one time the dog control inspector guy in uniform came over to investigate if our dogs are housed good or not based on a complaint from someone anonymous but christa blamed it on her only neighboor marry cause she hates dogs barks sounds so much christa said she payed to have her dogs voice box removed but mary yelled towards the end when i was in the smoke room cause thats close to marys back yard she yelled "karen you are not harry potter" but its the same angry tone of voice she yells at her grandkids christa said those kids are in her back yard at sometimes i saw them jump on a trampoline too from the sun room before and heard them at times before from there but christa said she wanted to get back at mary by calling cps on her to get her gran kids taken away to get back at her

if mary is in on what christa was doing to me basically then she didnt call those dog inspectors lol they mustve been so paranoid in that case  

one time christa said she took a key to a strangers car in front of us when he wasnt around cause that car was too slow im like oh....it was at ricks store with the milk sign on the front where she buys her mangoritas every day the parkinglot

then towards the end christa told me she wanted to get back at her surgeon by me giving her bed bugs i capture for her to realease them in i thought she was gonna say her surgeons office name but  she said dr balu's office surprisingly im like uhm i have been putting them in a hand sanitizer bottle theyve been in liquid lol theyre dead lol it was true but im like i dont do shady evil shit you know

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 6: “If someone can fuck you over once, then they can choose to do it again” - Raffy

Does this idol system have killer clowns walking around? Carnies doing handstands? Haunted Big Bertha’s? Who knows cause I CAN’T EVEN GET ACCESS TO THIS DAMN IDOL SYSTEM AND YALL ARE OUT HERE POCKETING SUPER IDOLS LIKE ITS AN IPOD TOUCH AND WE’RE 12.

---

WOW WHAT A VOTE. Raffy immediately having to use a Super Idol is probably ridiculously on brand, but in all honesty, seeing BENJ of all people go, is a shock to my system. I've voted out former finalists, but I thought that Benj was gonna go DEEP in this game. But now I need to focus I have to get Top 3 in this challenge to get these damn tickets. But my final thought on this super idol is that at least a *good* person got the Super Idol

this reward challenge has me so lost i hardly even go here i dont know any monologues i can perform

we're doing basic text dr today because if I talked I'll probably cry and no one wants that sahjahsjajs

so the vote happened and we were successful in voting raffy in majority. we being me Chris and benj BUT then it turned out raffy had something stupid called a superidol HJAHSJJHAS (sorry this is gonna be bitter time get ready) and was able to just basically cancel his elimination after seeing the votes???????? because who cares about strategy and having to make plans and being smart and capable of reading the tribe in successfully using an idol? no no no lets let someone just not talk to anyone and then save themselves and vote out someone who WORKS SO HARD AND IS SO ACTIVE AND PASSIONATE LIKE YEAH OKAY SAJHJSAHHJASASHJAHJSHAJS THAT MAKES SENSE

UGH

I'm sorry I'm so sad. benj was voted out because of this and I feel really empty and hurt about it. he was my best friend on this tribe we talked constantly every day and we were close in timezones and I trusted him and loved him and now we've been robbed of playing with each other in merge. we had so many plans for us too we wanted to pretend to not be that close and purposefully vote opposite and stuff. it's all ruined.

I think raffy deserves praise in FINDING the idol. but the idol itself is a get out of jail free card and requires no strategy when used like that so asjhasjhashjashj and only used in his 2nd tribal. so I'm glad it didn't last any longer and also that he didn't use it in the way survivor players usually do. by making everyone fear them sahjsajh COS THAT WOULD HAVE WORKED ON ME LIKE A CHARM. but instead we were able to flush it and even tho I've lost benj and I'm sad about it, I am very thankful that we got it flushed now and before merge. it's way more dangerous in merge. and like there was no way we could beat that. unless we split vote I guess but that wasn't possible. and also I just did not remember this was a thing BECAUSE NO ONE IN SURVIVOR HISTORY HAS USED A SUPERIDOL THE WAY IT WAS DESIGNED BECAUSE USING IT WOULD CAUSE MORE TROUBLES FOR THE HOLDER SO THEY ARE VERY STRATEGIC ABOUT IT JSAHHJASAHS so I'm actually excited to see how this carries raffy. would like to clarify I'm not anti raffy he's so nice and fun and this was such an exciting tribal thanks to him and I would have loveeeeed it as a viewer I'm just bitter because benj is gone and super idols suck. HASJHASJHASJH raffy if you read this do know I think you're great and congratulations I just think it was an easy way out WHICH IT WAS.

I guess it just made me feel powerless because there's nothing we could have done here to beat a superidol. and even if we did do Blake instead, it wouldn't change anything.

speaking of Blake he is really upset :(( I think making merge will cheer him up tho which is great because I think it's happening after this reward challenge for tickets

SPEAKING OF TICKETS

BENJ GAVE ME ALL HIS TICKETS AFTER DYING???????? AND IDK WHY LIKE do all the eliminated people get to give tickets to someone? and can it be anyone and not just someone on their tribe? much to think about. but this means I have 8 now which is pretty good I think. thank you benj I love u sm <3

it makes me wanna calculate how many tickets everyone had and who they would have given them to....hmmmm will think about it. benj has been the one who had the most upon leaving I think?

also my tarot was right because it gave raffy the tower and benj the hanged man and it all happened today AHHHH it's so sad how I predict things but don't know what it's predicting until it happens. makes me wanna reevaluate everything and see what it all could mean. could be handy.

I trust Chris the most here and I do trust Ricky I just hope they trust me. I do think we're gonna merge soon tho I really do. it makes sense.

I wonder if the tickets are for an auction or if they are the way to enter the outhouse yourself now. like the new idol system? maybe.

I'm excited to merge and get to talk to everyone and be with jinx and captain AND TALK TO JUDE MORE. YEEEE I just wish benj would have been able to join me :(((

stupid showy superidol

IT'S MY DAY 100 OF TUMBLR SURVIVOR OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD ITS ALSO MY 5 YEAR ORG ANNIVERSARY, PLEASE DON'T VOTE ME OUT THIS ROUND.

---

A true strategist's dream is a chessboard, and if we being honest, this is just Social Chess, never view anyone as a chess piece, but they're needed for movement. I'm going to be Jinx's favorite chess piece, because they need me too.

I can no longer trust Chris in this game. He chose his side, and he chose against me. If someone can fuck you over once then they can choose to do it again. I am not able to hold it against Mikki because I did not even try to reach out to her for the whole round. So, fair enough. However, Chris just decided that I needed to go because people thought I had an idol. I guess this is the outcome. He never even promised to rebuild the bridge of trust. He just gave me "I just don't want us to lose." He's 100% targeting me again if we go to tribal. I hope I'm sent to the Outhouse as my ass is grass if I remain in this place. Maybe if I have Blake it'll be fine. Right? 

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Uo5w98Zm_5ih0fql6dxLjbnYelD7Mn5B_JhZxL18bkY/edit?usp=sharing

HERE is my spreadsheet with trust rankings and dm counts and stuff, I also added notes on all my trust rankings for each round and some of the dm counts so if you look carefully you'll see the black like corner thing that indicates a note and all my comments on that trust ranking or whatever will pop up if you hover shajhjsahjas hopefully that works

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO super duper califragilistically excited to do this reward challenge and hopefully avoid the Double council that I know is coming because I’m pretty sure Autumn is sick of Tua winning which is a weird sentence to type but hey ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The plan really backfired heavy on us....I thought Raffy just had a half idol but nope, he had a SUPER IDOL and we lost Benj. It made for an awkward post tribal, but I'm just going to keep my head up. I am usually good with damage control so lets see what happens boom boom

---

Honestly, I liked this idea but I feel like I'm gonna be crippled by the fact that I am getting a little sick, we'll see though. I think I did okay with my damage control, but truth told, I would not blame Raffy or Blake if they wanted me out now. With Ricky back in the picture, I guess there is hope, but I have learned to not give peeps the FULL benefit of the doubt outright so I am going to sit and wait

---

I had another disaster and I pray that the one I could semi finish can be taken in, if it is, then I think I've got 4 tickets, but if not then I will forever be sad about what happened!

---

How in God's name didn’t I get 11 tickets?? I didn't even know I had more than 2

This twist is legit the worst thing to happen to me. I have no clue who I am going into tribal with. I don't have prior connections that other may have before the game. And my super idol play was super flashy. So, obviously, they would want to come for me as a prime target. I feel so defeated and I haven't even met these people yet. AND I have to go to work tomorrow so I can't even socialize/communicate as much as I would want in order to keep myself safe. I might as well be one foot in the grave at this point.

Ahhhhh I just made the merge!  Also with my pals too? Omg I hope Ricky lives at the vote. I hear Joey has been messy messy but also wants Captain?? We'll see how that goes, especially with Lily C and O Railroad there. I'm just excited for the next step in the game! I also missed Jinx and Jude so much!

Well….well….well. This is not what I anticipated. Good one, Autumn. I had a fantastic call with Jinx earlier today which helped me get a better handle and the game and feel more connected. I believe Raffy and Blake are working together and this is a great opportunity to separate them. Instantly Joey and I agree to call and figure out a plan. We both agree it’s gonna be best to get Ricky on our side. We both talk to Ricky and I suggest to Ricky that we go for Blake and he is down. Such a relief. It’s stressful to be this close to merge and think that it could slip away. I hope Joey lily o and I are on the same page no matter what. I haven’t been able to talk to her yet but I hope she is good to go for Blake. Fingers crossed.

I'LL MAKE VIDEO CONFESSIONALS WHEN ITS MERGE I SWEAR. But this is a really unique twist, I love it, but it also puts me and the Lily sandwich in a precarious position. Immediately, my thought was "go to Ricky and tell them I let them out of the War Room on Night 1", and boom, immediate bonding point, it turns out wonderfully, in talking to Ricky it was quite obvious they felt on the outs, with no power all season(they're either lying or its true, hey you never know), and for me its important to just keep them comfortable. We're voting out Blake for literally one reason: If we don't, Jinx is gonna kill us, cause yanno they're winning this game, its a foregone conclusion at this point.

---

God it's going to be brutal, imagine being Blake, not particularly well liked, and always going premerge. Maybe next time you'll finally make merge/jury, but nah you're not taking away my opportunities to shine.

---

Even at midnight on a Friday before merge, I still feel nervous, I always feel nervous, even if I'm in an incredible position, being a crucial swing in a pivotal vote to set the pace for the merge, it's absolutely crucial that I make sure Ricky is good with us 3, once again the 2 votes I've been in, I've been a key decision maker, making dreams come true, and making nightmares real too for others. Its a pretty delusional take that I'm seen as a valuable number, and that's what I need to be, the number to make moves possible, while also having the agency to play my cards right in the middle.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I WON FOUR TICKETS IN THE AWARD CHALLENGE!!!!! I wasn't expecting that at all and I'm so delighted. AND THEN it turned out you needed 11 tickets to make it to merge and be immune from the last premiere vote and I had 15!!!! because of winning that and because of benj giving me four tickets when he was voted out. AND NOW IM FINALLY WITH JINX AND CAPTAIN AND JUDE AND AHHHHHH IM SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHHHHH ME AND JINX WERE JUST SCREAMING RIGHT AWAY AND I KNOW JINX AND CHRIS HAVE AN IDOL BETWEEN THEM COS THEY EACH FOUND HALF WOOOOOOO I FINALLY GET TO PLAY WITH THEM I CAN'T TELL YOU ENOUGH HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME. but then I was chosen to go to the outhouse so I didn't get to talk for long and still haven't gotten to talk to captain properly or Jude so :(( and I found nothing in the outhouse but this isn't a complete loss. if captain didn't look there then I know Ricky has something and I can use this info and if captain did find whatever is in there then WOOO!!! and also I can potentially use the fear of me having something if I must and that opens up many fun opportunities. nevertheless this experience in the outhouse has given me knowledge and in survivor knowledge is a currency, and I'm gonna buy as much as I can with it. I DO REALLY HOPE I GET A CHANCE TO FAKE SOME KIND OF ADVANTAGE THO THAT WOULD BE SO FUN AND I DEFS HAVE THE MEANS TO DO IT ASHJASHJASHJ but I need a reason to you know asjhashjashjashj any who that's all I have to share for today but I MADE MERGE IN MY FIRST SURVIVOR GAME I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MAKE IT I'M SHOCKED AHHHHHHHH now I get to play with people I love and meet new people and YEEEEE happy dance, I've exceeded my expectations so I'm just happy here on out. I hope I can do some fun things and game planning with jinx, captain and Chris now plssss

I can't believe I was literally half a point away from the ticket requirement. If I had just been a tiny bit higher, I would've made immunity and had the tickets to be safe. It's kinda on me though, I forgot the "pop culture" part of the post and only verified that when it was literally the last day of the challenge (one where I had work no less, so it's a miracle I was even able to submit). But anyway, the vote isnt gonna be the end of the world. The post-swap Tua tribe is sticking together, and we seem to be getting Ricky on our side for an easy Blake vote. First thing that was suggested to me so I'm totally okay with doing that because it's just easy. I just hope that if the other side looks anywhere its not at me

This game literally feels like a Jane Elliott experiment half the time, and it does kinda bother me, maybe I'm just so used to my privilege that its about time it gets switched up on me

https://youtu.be/kmd-HiEeofg

https://photos.app.goo.gl/j8YwvF9eCukGiMQx5

Guys, gals, non binary pals, I think I have done it. Merge, no votes cast against me, being a crucial piece to how plans come together. God, that was the easiest premerge of my life.

---

Friend of mine wanted to know about Tumblr Survivor. So we’re talking and she asks me what the hardest situation you’ve been in is and I said “ You’ve clearly never been in a 6 person group with you running a 3-3 split and you need a flip to basically guarantee your merge/jury spot

And you basically have all your friends breathing down your neck if you don't execute the right person, it's like cutting the wrong wire in a bomb scenario”

I think I made bonds very quickly and will just narrowly avoid getting voted out. However, Blake seems to be getting the votes which I do not want to do. But I fear that if I push Ricky to Joey and the Lily's then they will just vote for me. Ugh. This sucks. If I vote with Blake, then the best we could do is tie. However, that puts me in a rough spot at merge because I would have 3 people mad at me. This is a really tough vote to be a part of. I probably won't even know who I am voting for until the last minute. 

https://youtu.be/ewiPRjyvOzk

https://youtu.be/-iPG5SyOCOk blake this is your tape ITS NOT MEAN

[violetemerald]

Multi-Couples/Multi-Friendships - "Shout" (The Joy & Pain of My Queerplatonic Relationship) - WYA

Song is called “Shout” and is by Ross Copperman. This video was a NIGHTMARE to edit and render because idk, my software just KEPT crashing, GOSH it was trying to kill me I swear.

This was made for season 2, round 2 of GlowingAprilSky's "Who You Are" contest, this time themed around "The Relationship". (Round 1, “Breaking Point” I entered with a fanvideo tribute to embracing my asexuality & sex-aversion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqRr60lP444 ) The idea for this round was to show a person who helped really change who we are going forward in our life, basically. We participants in the contest were supposed to focus on capturing how they affected us, and how they shaped who we are.

YouTube descriptions have character limits but tumblr doesn’t so look under the “~~~~~” for more stuff than what I could fit in my YouTube description! I transcribed the voiceovers down there too.

Urban Dictionary begins defining Queerplatonic as "a relationship which is more intense and intimate than is considered common or normal for a 'friendship', but doesn't fit the traditional sexual-romantic couple model."

Every Queerplatonic Relationship (QPR) or set of Queerplatonic Partners (QPP) is different, chooses the terminology for different reasons, and that's really the beauty of it. This is a word to describe everything that was forgotten in mainstream culture's narrow boxes of "just friends" vs. "more than friends because of the romantic(&usually sexual too) component". Some sex-averse asexual people are in celibate romantic relationships. But others are in relationships that are "more complicated".

Robert* and I met at an asexual meetup group. I was 25, he was 26. He leaned gay and had no attraction towards women (I'm female) but we bonded quickly over having a lot in common, and became close friends. I wasn't sure if I was aromantic or panromantic or what, but I knew in the back of my mind I'd like a queerplatonic partner one day. We had a lot of fun, went to concerts together, played board games, watched TV/films, talked about families and pasts including the deep personal stuff, the traumas. He shared about his mental health with me.

(*name has been changed)

At some point along the way, we realized we wanted similar futures. We both had wanted, since long before we met each other, to become foster parents and later adoptive parents. We were both atheists & while I'd planned to wait to start looking for a qpp to be a co-parent for my future children until after I was no longer unemployed, maybe after I'd figured out where I'd live in the country and stuff, it just happened sooner than I was ready. It was too perfect, too good to pass up, and after we'd known each other for about 7 months we stopped just being super close friends. We became queerplatonic partners. We didn't do anything really different, but we had this shared plan to one day be committed life partners and to for now be logical "plus ones" to events where people might bring significant others, such as his siblings' weddings. We were "together".

He broke up with me the 1st time after we'd been QPPs for 4 months. I was really crushed but happy we were at least still friends. It took some time to get back into a groove. We weren't as close. He ended it because he wasn't sure anymore he wanted that future and because he'd been hoping to feel more romantic things for me with time but instead his feelings had remained platonic. He was super important to me, & he'd told me before we broke up that he was thinking of signing up to deploy (as a U.S. civilian contractor) to Afghanistan.

He ultimately did leave to go on the 6 month deployment about 2 weeks into me finally having a full time job, long after we'd broken up. But we started texting more, while he was over there. (Facebook messaging, actually.) Our friendship's closeness was rekindled. We each had lots of down time during workdays, and we got back together around 1 month into his deployment.

We talked about everything for the 5 months we were in a long distance relationship, shared our lives with each other, and were "together". I told him I looked forward to slow dancing with him one day, and ice skating, etc... we rekindled our plans to become non-biological parents....

Skipping over some details he broke up with me only days after we first saw each other in person for the first time in 6 months. He texted, said he "Couldn't do this anymore", and when I tried to ask why he said he got a call but we'd talk more the next day.

I had texted a little more after that, asking if our near future plans to do a suicide prevention walk together etc were definitely off (because last time we still did some things together as friends, I thought maybe it wouldn't be outside the realm of possibility).

He never texted back, never contacted me again. I feel kinda like I was ghosted, abandoned. He never explained why we suddenly after 2 years were just... nothing. This was 6 months ago.

This vid should hopefully capture a lot of that (& more?). (Btw: I purposely didn't show ANY kissing.)

~~~~~

Some of the details I skipped over were that while I was with him, I realized how “demisensual” I am, not demisexual, I’m 100% asexual, but rather the “Sensual” suffix - I do not crave touch at all in my relationships unless I have a strong emotional bond, but I looked forward to reuniting and hugging him for months, and I did and it was a glorious hug when he was back home.

I also started fantasizing about maybe marrying him, or thinking about legality of adopting together if we weren’t married and how that probably would be impractical... and how we would or wouldn’t queer the wedding, and do it secularly without religion because that’s important to us, and how I probably wouldn’t want to wear white and stuff... but I was scared to voice these fantasies too early and scare him away.

Also we gave each other gifts by mail even during those 5 months when we were long-distance, and over the course of our relationship before that too. That was a pretty good indicator of how close we’d gotten, he bought be an iPod, gave me a necklace I liked to wear, I picked out gifts for him really carefully for Christmas too, etc.

But how did this relationship change who I am or the course of my life/my future? I mean, because of Robert I realized it’s possible for me to fall in love, and it made my dream of finding a co-parent despite my orientation seem tangible, it gave me hope and optimism for a time, showed me how much joy I was capable. For a while there I had started basically thinking of him as my fiance, I felt that committed to him.

I could tell things weren't perfect, especially at the end, but I couldn't tell for sure where his mind was at. I was waiting till we were alone and in person together and it basically never came. I was a little worried about him & his mental state near the end, also just worried about us. The time we spent together when he first got back was mainly in groups with other friends though so we didn’t get privacy.

I kinda sorta saw it coming here and there. He seemed a little afraid to commit to me, and much more closeted than me about any of his non-straightness, him being gay-gray-asexual, the gay part was hard given his upbringing and the asexual part he acted like was more private but I... I am not private about this stuff. Lol see this video I just made. So that was part of why I wanted to include David/Keith from Six Feet Under and capture the complexities of internalized homophobia/wishing he was straight/”using me” to be able to say he had a “Girlfriend” as a good thing for his reputation in front of his straight guy friends/co-workers while I kinda felt like I was lying every time I might call him my boyfriend maybe to a co-worker. The whole thing was more complicated than I can really explain right now, but I wanted to try.

After he left me with no explanation of why he “can’t do this relationship anymore”, why we couldn’t even stay friends, with nothing more than answering my initial “Was it something I did??” with a “Not really”, uh... my heart was shattered and I was so angry and so heartbroken and... at first I was a little worried he might be struggling so much mentally that he’d be suicidal and I was checking to see that he still was “Active” on Facebook sometime that day so I’d, I guess be assured he was fine.

He showed me how much grief and sadness I really can feel over a breakup,  he affected how I think of so many little things with a twinge of sadness for 6 months now, he may not be the love of my life, but he will always be my first real love. He wasn’t my first boyfriend. But he was my first queerplatonic partner, the first person I fell in love with, and the first relationship I truly had to learn to mourn. He will always be “a” love of my life, in my life story I’ll never forget him. Those 2 years were so significant.

He also has made it really hard for me to forsee ever trusting that a person really means it when they tell me how much they’re looking forward to plans for the future, how committed they are, how much they care about me, etc, because of how suddenly he changed his stances on everything. He left me traumatized to just suddenly go from assuring me yes he wanted to spend Memorial Day in two weeks with me and sending me cards in the mail expressing how happy he was to see me again in person soon, and then the next day be breaking up with me and cutting off all contact whatsoever, ending our friendship and acquaintance entirely. It gave me whiplash. It made me doubt my instincts about other people, and I’m going to have to make an effort to not let him taint any future relationship, if I’m so lucky to one day have one. Which. I’m not holding my breath there...

Because yeah, even now, 6 months later, I am legitimately worried I will never be able to find anyone to co-parent adopted children with who wants a queerplatonic type kissing-free, sex-free relationship with me. I’m trying to think practically about possibly doing the parenting thing single. I just don’t know yet where my life will lead, and if I indeed do any single or joint-parenting thing, it’s still a few years off.

About this video, I wanted to include a mix of friendships and couples to capture how being queerplatonic is neither one nor the other. I’m not “shipping” all these friendships, at least not in the traditional sense. I’m embracing loving them for exactly what they are in canon as a representation of what queerplatonic level bonds can be!

The majority of the ships started as friends and then started kissing/dating, and may or may not have ended up together on the show, but they had this heart to them of deep friendship which helps me relate to them and pushed me to want to include them in this video. I had so many options and some of the ones I chose to include in the end surprised even myself.

Every single pairing in this video remained friends with each other, at the very least, by the end of the TV show, except for the two Parenthood ones and also I think Jake/Peyton never saw each other again. So that’s pretty good, either ending up together or at least being on friendly terms till the end for 18 out of 21 “Ships”. Even one of those two parenthood ones, Ryan & Amber, did end up being co-parents so they are still in each other’s lives, LOL!!

I almost included other model relationships I love on TV shows like Reid/Maeve (Criminal Minds) but so much of their relationship is about literal grief over a death and idk, this is just different. There were tons of choices of ships, more queerplatonic level partnerships in things I watch - remember http://luvtheheaven.tumblr.com/post/155333908172/list-of-queerplatonic-level-relationships-people and well, basically... I watch WAY too much TV. But I ultimately settled on these 21 to get to the heart of what I wanted to go for. I even included two couples I usually consider myself not to ship, Laurel/Oliver and Chloe/Clark. I was never rooting for either, and think Lauriver are much better as friends on Arrow and don’t believe their chemistry, but the way Oliver and Clark act towards Laurel and Chloe respectively really reminds me of some of the moments of unreciprocated feelings Robert seemed to have towards me at times, like he cared deeply but didn’t care as much as I did, etc etc.

Friendships With Fully Incompatible Sexual Orientations to really capture our Asexual and Aro-Spec type of attraction me and my qpp had for each other:

John/Sherlock (to me these are THE classic queerplatonic bond) (BBC Sherlock)

Wilson/House (based off Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, these two also have so much of that vibe) (House M.D.)

Mario/Angus (Code Black)

Scott/Stiles (Teen Wolf)

Neal/Mozzie (White Collar) - it’s important to me that I headcanon them as queerplatonic these days, they are such partners in their lives, it’s like... the commitment, gosh

Friendships that also had one-sided romance or were more complicated:

Caitlin/Cisco (The Flash) - their friendship isn’t more complicated at all, yet, not really. But they are more obviously shippable even if you’re not a slash shipper because they both are straight and female/male. Like they totally could end up together on the show and it wouldn’t surprise me if they go there eventually, who really knows. They have compatible sexual orientations is all. They are therefore “more likely” to find each other attractive than either me or my qpp were likely to have those feelings for each other. That’s why I’m putting them down here.

Brian/Voodoo - Voodoo is asexual, Brian is straight (Sirens)

Karma/Amy - Amy is queer, Karma... well people might debate if she’s straight or not... (Faking It)

Chloe/Clark (Smallville) - I don’t think them dating for about 1.5 episodes out of 10 full seasons and over 200 episodes counts to put them in the category below.

Regular ships/couples, who still had long periods of being “just friends” (before and/or as exes):

Bay/Emmett (Switched at Birth)

Toby/Spencer (Pretty Little Liars)

Jake/Peyton (One Tree Hill)

Laurel/Oliver (Arrow)

Joan/Adam (Joan of Arcadia)

Auggie/Annie (Covert Affairs)

David/Keith (Six Feet Under)

Ryan/Amber (Parenthood)

Jim/Pam (The Office)

Drew/Amy (Parenthood)

Matt/Julie (Friday Night Lights)

Rory/Jess (Gilmore Girls)

Voiceovers:

Toby: I feel like when we’re picturing our future together, we’re not looking at the same picture anymore.

Peyton: Do you want to get married?

Peyton: Giving your heart to somebody; that’s the scary part.

Karma: What do I have to do to get you to stay?

Joan: But you had my heart, Adam!

John (Bay’s father): You okay?

Claire, David’s sister: What do you see in him? Keith: He’s smart. He’s kind. He’s funny. When someone sees you as you really are, and wants to be with you, that’s powerful.

Wilson: I need a friend. I need you to tell me that you love me.

Stiles: What if... What if Scott’s my best friend now, but he’s not my best friend for life?

Ryan: I... I went back, and I re-enlisted.

Mozzie: 48 hours. I hope you’ll come with us. Neal: You’re giving me an ultimatum.

Pam: You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. I- I miss having fun with you.

Brian: You don’t want to have sex, and that’s fine with me. ‘Cause I’m not having sex right now either! I’m just happy being around you.

Amber: I’m so mad at you. I don’t understand why you would leave me.

Amy: I need some space. Drew: How much space? Amy: A lot.

Amy: Karma and I are more than just best friends, we’re soulmates. The normal rules don’t apply to us.

Mycroft (Sherlock’s brother): This is a private matter. Sherlock: John stays. Mycroft: This is family. Sherlock: That’s why he stays!!

Oliver: What’s this for? Laurel: Because you’re important to me.

Laurel: Ollie, I know that I am not the love of your life. But you will always be the love of mine.

Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean he just took off, no word, so he couldn’t possibly have a good excuse for that!

Mozzie: And I find myself reminded that... unshared life... is not living.

Jess: You still going to Yale? Rory: It’s really close to here. Jess: 22.8 miles.

Rory: You ended up not coming to my graduation, and leaving again, so... That’s it I guess.

Bay: I waited for you, to come back to me, to talk through what had happened! And I gave you space, and then you... just... you disconnected without telling me! You moved on!

Keith: Fine, why don’t we cut our losses and call it quits right now! David: What? Keith: As long as you feel a need to keep our relationship a secret, David... you’re ashamed of it, man!

Brian: She met him on... one of those Asexual Message Boards.

House: Boy meets girl, boy says, “I’m asexual.” Girl says, “Yeah, me too.”

Wilson: I think they were happy.

Amber: You’ve been through so much, and I hate that you hurt.

Adam: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you through a whole ‘nother mess, you know?

Matt: You know, with everything that I was going through- Julie: Matt, we were together for almost four years!

Joan: I know.

Julie: I know everything about you!

Amber: I want to have kids with you, and I want to be your wife.

Auggie: This isn’t our song.

Julie: I hate you so much for leaving me. How could you do that to someone you love?

Amber: I loved him, and now he’s gone!

Stiles: Scott, just tell me how to fix this, alright? Please, just tell me. What do you want me to do!

Tami (Julie’s mom): There’s gonna be somebody else special for you. Julie: But it’s not Matt.

[ted-hyung]

as a b1a4 supremacist, what do you think one should do to get to know them? i only recently kind of got into them because i didnt really know them until sandeul released his solo album

that’s CNU, btw, used to invent long hair before nuest ren or seventeen jeonghan.

also used to rock hipster glasses before it was cool. kang daniel the shoulder gangster? idk her. it’s CNU.

anyway.

where should i start? BUT a major note to take about B1A4 is they went from this:

(RIP FASHUN)

to this:

hallelujah. read more here.

listen, friend, i go way back with B1A4. i literally cried watching this subbed video lmaooo skip to 43:40.

it’s from MTV MATCH UP B1A4 X BLOCK B eps 8. rip me wyd. let’s talk about B1A4 and block b. they were the shits back then yo. 2011 was their debut year; two boy groups from unknown agencies tackling two different genres and images and MTV GOD BLESS MTV GAVE THEM A MATCHING VARIETY SHOW. you can watch B1A4 cuts here and you will see the legendary dread!zico tryna to win over gentle jinyoung-hyung and FAILED BIG TIME who’s crying with me.

block b will always hold a place in my heart. do you know who invented hep hap? it’s block b. their “new kids on the block”, “welcome to the block”, and “blockbuster” albums have no fault. none. but then they’re hep hap no more and i lost them.

B1A4 KOREAN DISCOGRAPHY + PERSONAL SONG REC, from latest to newest. i believe you can find the newest albums on SPOTIFY JFC why can’t day6.

LET’S FLY (2011): please listen to “only one” lmao. “only learned the bad things” was so, so, so sweet for my skinny freshman ass. i love it.

IT B1A4 (2011): lbr “beautiful target” was the best. watch them grow from you zoom zoom my heart like a rocket to CNU’s iconic everybody say la la. also “chu chu chu” was super chill. “fooool”? you’d find yourself singing along upon first listen.

IGNITION (2012): EVERYTHING IN THIS ALBUM BUT THE TITLE TRACK AKA MY HYUNG JUNG JINYOUNG’S FIRST TACKLE ON PRODUCING GEMS. also sandeul has a solo track here TITLED “CRUSH” GO FIND IT NOW.

IGNITION SPECIAL EDITION (2012): “baby goodnight” is so iconic i’m still side-eyeing newer idols who aren’t singing it to the camera while they’re preparing to go to sleep LMAOOOOOOOOO.

IN THE WIND (2012): yes they graced us BANA with 3 albums back in 2012. “TRIED TO WALK” HANDS DOWN ONE OF THEIR BEST SONGS. TOP 5. i’m the president of na honja ireoke opening line. i have a shrine for that line. the most impactful opening line of all songs, korean or not. amen. listen to all tracks please please. you’ll find the B1A4 distinct flavor on “what do you want to do”. like. go. now.

WHAT’S HAPPENING (2013): B1A4 wore fancy stuffs during this promotion. me ghosta. but DO YOU LIKE BALLAD? “good love” had me on the floor. then i read the translation and i died.

WHO AM I (2014): jesus lord and savior. this album. jesus f christ man THIS ALBUM. LISTEN TO EVERY SINGLE THING HERE PLEASE. “baby” further wow me about baro’s voice. “too much” WHICH IS SANDEUL + GONGCHAN’S DUET? fuck lmao we’re talking about heartbreak here and mine’s bleeding whenever i listen to “too much”. “DRUNK WITH MUSIC” tho. wow CNU-hyung. killed. this. concept. i can’t. you’re lying if your shoulders aren’t moving along and if your head isn’t nodding along. it’s THAT good. you’ll feel the swag. seriously.

SOLO DAY (2014): summer means “solo day”. period. it’s my summer jam. it should be YOURS. “drive” is so so so good. it has asphalt in the lyric. honestly do listen. also if you’re JYP stan do realize B1A4 had collaboration with min and suzy and in this album, sunmi. awesome.

SWEET GIRL (2015): oh my girl visual slash vocal slash handsome girl jiho is in the music video for the title track “sweet girl”. life’s good. in “wait” BARO IS SINGING I REPEAT BARO IS SINGING AND BANA prolly cried everywhere. and jinyoung wailing i can’t stop thinking about you girl everyday, everyday? LMAO BYE.

GOOD TIMING (2016): “a lie”, undoubtedly quenched BANA’s thirst after one whole year. have you watched “a lie” live on music shows? if the ‘touch my cheek tell me i’m not lying’ isn’t the best point of all dance point then idk what to trust. yes, i’m that supremacist LMAO. “crushing on you again” is so sweet, so very winter season love song aka B1A4’s very own color. they should be dubbed as winter season kings because their releases during fall/winter (in the wind, who am i, good timing) are the be(a)sts. “nightmare” paved the road for winner’s “really really” LMAO i’m joking. but not really. i mean baro and mino are practically brothers. “in dreams” sounds so fucking dreamy, like i said, totally winter season love song. “i’ll find you” makes me long for someone it shall inspire y’all. “together” is the one last song that leaves you wonder if these singing strangers are really worth our money and time and dedication and the answer is YES BECAUSE B1A4 RECORDED THIS SONG WITH KOREAN BANAS. jesus.

okay.

it’s july 2017. my bro baro is acting in a drama now. sandeul, your man, has collab with a starship kid. does it mean we’re going to have another winter season album? i’d say amen.

bonus: this is my fave pic of them.

if you’ve heard of it jinyoung is a composer. he’s well noted by other idols and important people in the industry lmao. he also acts. wow. i don’t follow girl groups, but LMAO THIS SONG? “AT THE SAME PLACE” MADE BY JINYOUNG HELPED B1A4 TO GET MORE RECOGNITION. this time i gotta thank mnet for the opportunity. and for the girls who were so sweet fangirling towards my hyung jung jinyoung.

listen to my ult oh my girl’s “one step two step” here and say yes that you can hear jinyoung’s magic there. i’ll just link to the BEST FANCAM EVER.

HERE’S THEM SINGING THE LEGENDARY SONG THEMSELVES:

AND JINYOUNG COMPOSED THE NEWEST GIRL GROUP BOP “DEEP BLUE EYES” wow my hyung shall be crowned as THE PRINCE OF GIRL GROUP BOPS. like.

i cry a lot. but promise this is the last time. i cried watching sandeul’s music video for his solo debut “stay as you are” but y kno it already. help my bro reach 1 million views before a year please.

fun fact: been with them since 2011. never got into shipping business, just here purely for the music and the people. they’re like friends that i’ve known for a long time; we don’t necessarily stay in touch but i always think of them fondly, y feel? i find new friends as i get older every year, yet i’ll always be the first to congratulate them if they reach another milestone in their respective lives y kno? moral of this story: don’t ship for a long lasting stanning TROOLOLOLOLLOLOLO.

this is comprehensive.

i hope i helped.

everyone please have a good weekend.

[you-me-at-idk]

70 horrible questions

tagged by the man, the myth, the legend: @90s-shinee-aesthetic

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? it has significantly improved, yeah. 

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? i have no idea, i say it a lot in a kinda ‘lol’ way because i’m so emotionally detached lmao

03: Do you regret anything? i could probably write a short novel of the things i regret

04: Are you insecure? i’m about as secure as a bike tied to the back of a car with a single piece of thread.

05: What is your relationship status? single pringle unwilling to mingle 

06: How do you want to die? IN A BLAZE OF GLORY (idk man preferably in a way that isn’t violently painful)

07: What did you last eat? maltesers and a whole box of strawberries

08: Played any sports? lol who do you think i am? i used to be pretty sporty but i just kinda stopped

09: Do you bite your nails? nah m8. i just pick at my nails.

10: When was your last physical fight? probably a play fight with my sister when i pinned her to the floor with my foot. mum took a picture. it was great. 

11: Do you like someone? lol no

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? not yet

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? there’s one person i absolutely can’t stand

14: Do you miss someone? my best friend because despite going to the same school we don’t get to hang out as much anymore, especially since we have none of the same lessons anymore. also my cat who was basically my best friend for 14/15 years.

15: Have any pets? mum has a dog. i had 3 cats but they all passed away.

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? idk neutral?? i never know how i really feel lmao

17: Ever made out in the bathroom? lmao no, never kissed anyone

18: Are you scared of spiders? abso-bloody-lutely. lil 8 legged demon spawns

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? maybe

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? LOL

21: What are your plans for this weekend? hang out at dad’s and play resident evil 7 when i should be doing homework lmao

22: Do you want to have kids? How many? i hate kids but maybe i’ll have my own, no more than two tho i don’t hate myself that much lololol

23: Do you have piercings? How many? one in each ear. i was so so close to getting my nose pierced but never went through with it

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? i don’t think of myself as really that good at anything, but i’d say i was alright at history

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? lol no i leave people in the past for a reason

26: What are you craving right now? chicken goujon wraps and cake

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? idk lol

28: Have you ever been cheated on? nope 

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? nah

30: What’s irritating you right now? my inevitable failure of my a-levels and the stupidly high expectations people have of me

31: Does somebody love you? lmao idk 

32: What is your favourite color? black and red lol what an emo rawr xD

33: Do you have trust issues? dude i have severe trust issues lmao

34: Who/what was your last dream about? i was arguing with some guy in my form then we died for some reason and became ghosts but we couldn’t leave the house/bit of land and we just kept arguing lmao

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? with laughter i think may have been in front of some friends at bubba gump shrimp. genuine crying tho was probably my friends georgia and jess lmao i’m still mad af about it

36: Do you give out second chances too easily? i’d like to say i don’t but idk

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget because i cba with the drama (plus i’m pretty damn stubborn)

38: Is this year the best year of your life? we’re only in february, stay in your lane

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? LOLOLOLOLOL

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? why tf would i do that????

51: Favourite food? CAKE

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? idk, all i know is that things happen for me because i’m an idiot

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? listened to daughter and stared at the ceiling lmao

54: Is cheating ever okay? absolutely not???? why is that even a question? i don’t care what the circumstances are, cheating is never okay

55: Are you mean? i probably come across as a right arsehole, but i don’t intend to be mean

56: How many people have you fist fought? probably just people from when i did karate. idk about an actual fist fight tho

57: Do you believe in true love? lol no. try believing that when your parents are divorced lololol

58: Favourite weather? dark and miserable with rain. maybe a thunderstorm.

59: Do you like the snow? yessss

60: Do you wanna get married? maybe

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? never had it happen, but reading that just makes me go ew no

62: What makes you happy? o god um...video games, sebastian stan lol, cats, good food, finishing a book, comics, drawing, and a particular gorillaz video edit someone made with a big time rush song it honestly makes me cry every time 

63: Would you change your name? no. if i ever get married my husband can take my name idc

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? LOL WHO

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? acknowledge it and move on

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? i act the same around all my friends so yeah

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? my friend louis on twitter dm

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk man

69: Do you believe in soulmates? no, but i’d like to be proven wrong

70: Is there anyone you would die for? lol i hate these types of questions. i don’t bloody know

i tag @real-bad-egg @thirsty-for-shakespeare 

idk who else to tag, do this if you want idc