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TV Appreciation Week '24 Day 7 : free choice: a character that I miss | LEXIE GREY
The depth of grief that you felt with all the losses… it’s because of the depth of love. As long as you’re alive, you get to feel it and you get to do something about it. Everything changes all the time when you’re alive, and all the time, you fight the change. You cling onto what you have and what you know, like that’s how it should always be.
#greys anatomy#grey's anatomy#lexie grey#greys#greysedit#gaedit#greysanatomyedit#tvedit#tvarchive#tvweek24#i made dis#ok so i know the quote doesn't quite match the vibe of the set but idk man i just do what i want i guess#sometimes i just want to make the most simple set in the world#and this is what happens#also my greys recall these days is not good#i'm lucky i found these lolol#anyway i love lexie grey and i miss her so much
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I genuinely love not having a crush like I’m not over here feeling physically sick over some mid guy being dry to me I’m literally chilling
#Spring semester of last year was so bad bc I was unironically into 3 guys at once and they were all#Being dry and cryptic to me#And then before that in 2022 I had my horrid situationship#I had a mini obsession arc in dec 2023 over someone but now there hasn’t been anyone since#And my palette is so cleansed#When a girl is like I miss having a crush I’m like you’re literally a masochist#There was very briefly a girl I thought I had a crush on when I realized I’m bicurious but#I haven’t put effort into talking to her bc the idea of pursuing anyone makes me wanna claw my eyes out#I’m pretty sure I ghosted her by like just not responding to her last messsge actually#Not on purpose but more so bc I realized I was feeling the same anxiety I felt whenever I had a crush so I was like#Yeah I’m dropping this for now#I’m also always the most present for my friends when I don’t have a crush so idk#Like I don’t wanna be consumed by anyone I just wanna chill#The solution to not having normal attraction to people is just to not be attracted to anyone at all#I fr cracked it#I always just crave the butterflies out of it and never an actual relationship anyway#But they’re so not worth it#Which is why I always get bored of guys who’re forthright like oh ok you actually WANT something…. U don’t wanna just have fun#Not for me#I think the guys I’m into and I typically diverge in the sense that neither of us wants a relationship but they just wanna fuck me#And I more so just want the butterflies experience / to playact couple for like a couple months but nothing too serious#Which is why it never works#Like it’s not that it doesn’t work bc either of us wants a relationship it’s more that what we want out of the situationship is different#So lame#Ok this was a lot but I literally came to this epiphany while writing these tags
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Hey, Chuckles.
#solas dragon age#varric tethras#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#da4#da4 spoilers#dreadwolf#da:tv spoilers#solas#datv spoilers#i hope i've tagged spoilers ok#idk what tags people are using so im sorry if i missed one#idk#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#i wanted to post this back when the trailer came out but i got stuck then bored with it 😭#but it's been languishing as a wip long enough and i can't look at it anymore
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A redraw of an old thing because exam season is the only time i get creative energy ig
#but no fr i just came home from 2 consecutive exams. like consecutive as in one after the other in 2 hours#next week is all finals and theyre all like 2 hours 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon like bro#whatevs tho medical update THE MEDS ARE WORKING alhamdulilallah i feel im getting way more energy :)#2 years on immunosuppressants and at least 3 months of corticosteroids which means no salt :( BUT we are getting thru it#im cooking again :')#ok enough my life is not what you're here for. idk if cbeeduo at the end of 2023 *is* but idc#i just rly missed them yk and the vibes and the place i was in plus i have fun drawing them so suck it#i hope my good cbee mutuals enjoy this love yall#my art#dsmp fanart#cranboo#ctubbo#cbeeduo#fashion notes for the cool peeps still reading is i am dying on the hill that cranboo was decked in a 70s aunt wardrobe argue with the wall#also tubbo cowboy cus. like. look at him.#will probably draw tommy next i rly miss him. nothing big as always im a doodle kinda guy at heart#anyway xoxo love yall still here <33#fennec.art
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obligatory kh1 Paopu tree scene redraw
og under cut <3
#click for better quality as always#this is so messy but it was so fun#ITS ALSO LIKE SOMEHOW THE FIRST TIME IVE PROPERLY DRAWN KAIRI <3 SORRY GIRL IDK HOW IT TOOK THIS LONG#i wanted to shift this a lil more toward my style but other than riku i got kinda lazy icl ASKDNKJASNDKJSN#yes the bg is a bunch of squiggles. no i have not drawn a bg in several years. no i do not care. dont @ me#still tryna figure out how to shade on krita#ALSO ACTIVELY SPREADING DESTINY TRIO FRECKLE PROPAGANDA !!!!!!!!!#blue eyed freaks. miss them <3#Sora's hair i hate drawing u but its so iconic#not intended sorikai but do what u want !!!#this was soooo fun to do#i should do more redraws and drawovers#drawing is so fun but beware. time will pass#it is (checks watch) 3:30am#well im gonna have a lovely sleep gn guys LMAO#i cant tell if i like the end product tbh so this either will be here tomorrow or it will disappear ig#but again it was so fun to do#OK ENOUGH TAGGS BYBYE#kingdom hearts#destiny trio#destiny islands#kh1#kh sora#beverly says stuff#kh kairi#kh riku#soriku#kairi kingdom hearts#riku kingdom hearts#sora kingdom hearts
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'Is this like an Alice in Wonderland thing?' Leo called out, paddling towards Sensei and trying not to swallow water as he moved. 'Did you cry all these tears?' 'The mindscape does love a good metaphor.' Sensei called back, and he sounded fucking wrecked.
old dead bones that don't get theirs (death wish sidefic by @remedyturtles) was written to kill me, specifically, personally, actually. i still think about it Constantly
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#future leo#little kid with a big death wish#death wish#tries to get back into the groove of doing art. Does This#i will say i did take some artistic liberties ajfkldsjfkldj#NOT sure how well it comes across bc this shit is Hard to draw but. points. at all the leaves fallen off the tree. teehee#i missed drawing that fucking tree btw. god#i missed doing the mindscape effects!!!!!!!!#ohh hh i just had a thought . cleaned up version of this as a tarot card#probably will not actually get around to doing that but. smth smth the tower maybe. or the hanged man idk#id have to look up the Exact meanings of each of them but#anyway. yes its been like six months yes ii still think abt it. mindscape shit my fucking beloved#i think abt the mindscape shit in firefight DAILY as well its .awuauwguaguahghgh#ok god enough ramblign. what other tags#uhhhh . uh#sibling death cw#<- implied if you know the context but just to be safe#my art#i almost. forgor thatone i cannot BELIEVE lmao#anyway. posts this at almost fuckginh midnight its ok <3
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I painted this a long while ago when the party first split cause I knew I wouldn’t have to time paint anything when the Hells finally reunited cause of my current job. I obviously thought it’d probably be Imogen in a really dark place and Laudna being full of joy etc, when they reunited, but based on last week's episode, it’s definitely going to be the opposite. Makes me want to redo this now and switch them around. Someday when I have time, maybe.
Here have some close-ups too.
Also it’s based on this still from “Portrait of a Lady on Fire”
#imodna#imogen temult#laudna#critical role fanart#cr fanart#critical role art#critical role#bells hells#critical role campaign 3#campaign 3#cr3#i miss them a lot ok and im very excited and super nervous for when they see each other again#also its got my twitter handle on there though idk if I'll post this one to twitter or not but dont worry about it#I struggled so hard with the background too#like I couldn’t decide what to do at all and eventually settled on this bokeh look but I’m still not satisfied#also i finished this wayyyy before imogen got new clothes soooo#and I tried to leave some of the sketching lines in there too to add more texture and have more fun with it
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when he
#hwang hyunjin#stray kids#bystay#createskz#malegroupsnet#a9gifs#hyunjin#flashing tw#*gif#*ccarly#*hyunjin#*carly:hyunjin#this set made me sooooo mad look at him and also the dark ones were so fking hard to color good gawd#theyr'e still ugly but we pretend they're fine ok thanks#200920 hyunjin love of my life this is like the sixth time we've giffed him on yangjeongin but it's what he deserves#i also don't think these are synced up but my internet is so bad they never load at the same time so idk sdfgsdgdfdhd#i'm tired of messing with them anyway so hopefully they're fine <3#back door era i miss you every day fr i love u so dearly#*hits
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thinking about skimble once again
#i was worried i'd be too focused on stex to think about cats but i think it's ok. skimble is forever#i want to see opera populaire so BAD you don't even get it. LET ME SEE THE FUNNY STEAMPUNK CATS#anyways. i was thinking about making a cats au. unsure what it would actually be about but i've just been thinking about cats a lot#so i want to maybe make a little project. to think about cats more#idk#ANYWAY SKIMBLE HOW I MISS YOU#my art#skimbleshanks#cats the musical#cats musical#skimbleshanks the railway cat
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the most batshit insane traumatizing thing happened at work today & I won't know if people are dead bc of my inability to talk a man down from a mass murder until the news reports start coming out lollll
edit: it's all good there was nothing about a shootout on the news 🙏
#the rest of my shift after that call was a blur.#i obviously cant go into much detail but i was on the phone w/a man who had just robbed a mcds at gunpoint & was calling to say that hes#awaiting the police in the br & intends to shoot and kill as many as he can when they arrive#i tried talking him down but then he said ''ok ill blow my brains out on ten'' & began counting down.#i literally hung up at two after failing to stop him and started bawling & my coworkers called the cops to let them know they were#heading into a more dangerous situation than they realized#i monitered police scanners & 14 rounds were fired from the mcds location he was at but i have no further info#he mustve started shooting random ppl or cops. if i hadnt deprived him of his audience would he have just killed himself & not others??#like he was counting down while i was on the phone but i couldnt stand hearing the gunshot so i hung up but if i didnt would people still b#alive? then again all those shots couldve been misses or nonfatal wounds#hes probably dead now either way. i guess i was the last person to ever speak to him#idk what to do with all this hence why it is going here
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if one more person tries to claim that the oh hellos are no longer christian i am going to lose my shit
#they are no longer EVANGELICAL and they don't associate themselves with the organized church#but like ... the whole anemoi series is about deconstructing their faith and coming back around to a new faith? still in god??#they don't just use christian themes. they are christian. if u think that they are NOT christian then u are not understanding their music#like .. i am not religious so this isn't coming from a place of needing them to be recognized as gospel music#if u want to interpret their music differently then go ahead!!!#but straight up. we KNOW what those albums are about because they have TOLD us. & they're deeply intertwined with tyler and maggie's faith#going around spreading the idea that they aren't christian at all is so so so so so so fucking stupid#it's fine if u don't want to think the songs are about christianity but then don't pretend u know what they mean!!!!!#don't pretend u understand all the albums while claiming they're not christian because they ARE!! that's like the whole point!!!!#idk. whatever. just feeling some type of way about people like refusing to use absolutely any critical thought#yes the oh hellos are extremely progressive. no they are not evangelical. yes they try to be subtle about their faith & make music that#non-christians can also listen to & relate deeply to#but making up lies about their personal lives is like. ok whatever. but ur missing the whole point of the albums then. don't pretend ur not#please someone tell me they understand what i'm trying to say here#like this isn't coming from a christian perspective it's coming from a frustrated album-listener perspective#the oh hellos
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WE'RE GETTING EVICTED FROM OUR APARTMENT.
#ok yeah not the best news to suddenly reappear on after almost a month of radio silence#but a shit ton has been happening lately its fucking wild#i had to call the ambulance for my mom :[ DW she's ok !!! just some stomach problems#i went to the club the like last last week ish ?? it was.. okay i wish my friends werent super self concious#abt dancing bc damn it was kinda boring.... almost just stood there for 5 ish hours#got plastered the other day at a friends house too#and we stayed up and watched the whole entire cars franchise and this is probably my biggest hear me out yet...#lightning mcqueen.#LIKE NOT THE FUCKING CAR OK LIKE IF HE WERE A REAL GUY HE WOULD B HOT#......yes its owen wilsons voice yeah ok i get it yeah. shut. shut it. SHUT UP.#anyway cars 1 is a classic a masterpiece muah muah cars 2 is abysmal and cars 3 is pretty good#ALSO I MISSED LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK I AM DEVASTATED WHAT DO I DO I FAILED YOU LESBIANS IM SO SORRY........#the karmic debt from me missing it will curse me somehow..........#anyway yeah we r getting evicted i think idk so were apartment hunting and its so difficult everything is so expensive :']]]]#landlords r actually the spawn of satan#thats it for the update ill doodle smthn maybe i dunno zzzz#frambling...?
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i like how while the dsmp was going on we were all like “awww the brothers! ctommy and cwilbur the brothers!!!” and now we look back and all collectively say, “their relationship was incredibly toxic, actually.”
#not even talking about ccwilbur and that side of things. just purely the characters#from what I remember the whole dsmp was basically: wilbur: Tommy let’s play a game! Tommy: ok Wilbur!!#Tommy: wilbur that was horrifying. Wilbur: Let’s do it again!! Tommy: ok wilbur. *domino effect into insanity*#I remember one specific time when… I think it was the voice of dead wilbur talking to Tommy on the bench??#and that was one time I remember being conflicted with. because ctommy was really wanting comfort from cwilbur and cwil was supplying that#but like also around that time Tommy was talking about never wanting to revive Wilbur. And then for some reason he revived him??#Idk I think I missed a part there ngl#anywho#the number of adult figures in ctommy’s life that weren’t awful to him is alarmingly low#same goes with the other three kids in the dsmp actually. but I think Tommy got the brunt of it#dsmp#dream smp#mcyt#tommyinnit#ack#text post
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dispencer talk
#txt#my art#tf2#femfotress#<- idk how to tag this fuuuuck#tf2 spy#tf2 engineer#<- bagged and tagged#okay. now onto my blabbering.#ransom on everyone who sees this: ten notes orrrrr uhhhh im uh...#buying 400 keys and going in debt#I SPENT WAYYY TO LONG ON THIS#ok this is cool byt something is missing...#i kept going and going and going and#now we have this#last minute change i made engie's mouth open instead of closed bc she looked too awkward lol#uh. i know this is a dogshit spot on swiftwater its ok you dont have to tell me#lets say their team moved forward by a lot and theres no nest by that wall#i just NEEDED this to be swiftwater. there was no other map i had in mind that was what i wanted#also yes i made that screenshot myself heart#and i didnt search up that one fem spy design for reference but made shit up. yeehaw#OKAY ENOUGH HIT THE SLAY BUTTON#EDIT I FORGOT TO TAG THIS AS ->#engiespy#FUUUUUUUUCK
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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