#idk what i was thinking when i drew nancy’s face like that i did her so dirty i’m sorry

[rathockey]

so how's criminal minds going so far?

gimme any thoughts on the characters, episodes etc <3

oh i have many thoughts hee hee and im super supposed to be asleep right now since i have to get up at 530 for hockey but i can’t sleep so you get them all

i am on season 3 about midway through so post gideon (and i do miss gideon even though i think he was my least fave of the squad, i still really liked his character, i think i just wanted more)

i now kind of get the obsession with spencer reid he is a very fun character and i enjoy him a lot but i don’t think he’s my FAV character. but he IS my favorite guy to be put in a situation. more situations for him

penelope garcia my absolute beloved answering the phone like an absolute queen and doing it like nobody else. love her.

jj i am in love with you. enough said.

hotchner i really did not expect to like but i am super into him actually, i think its the eyebrows.

derek morgan my other absolute beloved, probably my fav character (him or garcia) my man is so full of compassion and care and he is funny and hot and honestly what more could you want. icon.

emily prentiss is still kiiiinda new to me but i enjoy her. no real interesting thoughts or opinions so far

gideon, as stated previously i feel like i wanted more from him but idk how or what. very interesting character and well played (ofc shout out mandy patinkin)

rossi is also still too new for me to have a real opinion but i’m intrigued

i really liked elle when she was around but i didn’t love her exit, i feel like it could have been better

EPISODES okay any episode where reid goes through it is a win in my book so the revelations episodes are good, I enjoyed the episode after penelope got shot as well (hm maybe i do just enjoy when these guys are put in situations)

overall i’m very much enjoying it I think its a pretty good show even if its not my usual style of procedural and i do get a lot of mileage out of my own personal game of “omg where have i seen that guy before” a game where almost every episode i recognize someone who was in an episode of house/spn/teen wolf/nancy drew/etc one time to the point i really should have the criminal minds imdb page bookmarked (i am exceptionally good with faces and terrible with names)

also morgan and garcia should be together forever and i stand by that forever thank you

[brionysea]

have been thinking very hard about if mike does know about his powers lately

when dustin called mike oblivious, he meant that mike was acting obsessed with el (a result of mike's powers - part of the irl game) and didn't see how or why lucas was getting jealous about that (because lucas cares about mike)

the secret that's causing all this damage from season 3 onwards isn't that mike has powers, it's that mike is possessed because of his powers, and no one's telling him that because the solution would be complicated and probably something he's not ready for yet. mike is a very solution-oriented person so that wouldn't stop him from diving into the deep end and probably hurting himself in the process

the quarry, most of all. mike thinks it's unfair and annoying that he always gets the blame for everything, but he still had that moment of attempting suicide immediately after being blamed (like thrice over) for all the weird stuff that's been happening. no mike = no danger. he's not stupid. i don't believe he just naturally wants to die, that doesn't mesh with his characterisation, and they showed with max that there's usually a reason for it. mike's reason is highly connected to what the party was arguing about (superpowers being dangerous vs. awesome and creating collateral damage)

the stuff about "if the brain dies, the body dies" is concerning if he knows and could be used as an argument that he doesn't, but mike's reaction when nancy was talking about needing to kill the source? sadness, disappointment, caught off guard that his own sister wouldn't be on his side if she knew? and the irony, nancy the source is right in front of you

there was also that whole thing in season 2 where mike was actively trying to mimic el when she used her powers to find people - sitting cross-legged in the fort with a static radio channel to try and hear missing party members on. and it kinda worked in its own way when mike saw el through the void before he drew a boundary about going into his head and walked away

it's interesting whether it's a subconscious thing or something mike is Aware of, but like... people can't really keep secrets from mike? he somehow knew that max said "yeah, well, boyfriends lie" and he threw that in her face in front of everyone, implying more spying through the void than what we were shown and that he knows everyone else knows about what he can do

idk. mike was intentionally, repeatedly using that subtextual way of talking about himself a lot in season 4 for someone who's truly oblivious. jonathan actually checking if mike even notices the constant hints he's dropping also makes this argument difficult - "maybe it's hidden in the code somehow?" "what you just said makes no sense" - but jonathan was figuring out mike's powers and his possession, and the possession is the thing that mike himself couldn't figure out so it could just be about that

mostly, i think that this whole thing with mike's powers, where they're this dangerous secret that everyone who cares for him knows about but can never talk about, and if anyone else finds out about them it would put him in danger (hello, season 4 witch hunt in hawkins, the government trying to murder el, and troy trying to directly kill mike after mike "did something"), makes mike's powers very queercoded, and if that's the case then he kind of has to be aware of them? no one knows their own queerness better than the queer person in question

[biigiiiii]

Rewatching the Bingham house scene and noticed a shot of what looks like a grandfather clock (or at least a grandfather clock face but - where is the pendulum?), immediately followed by a ‘Time Out’ sign 🫢

Also on my current rewatch I was paying close attention to the red tower in the lab, and….

(I can’t find or make screenshots of these things so you’re going to have to just deal with photos of my tv lol)

I know it’s been talked about many times how the Bingham house is full of foreshadowing. Some of season 4 was foreshadowed (like Tabitha being filmed choking, they broke the fourth wall so hard mike might as well have looked directly down the lens 😭) but I believe most of it will be hinting at stuff in season 5. I just noticed this detail with the clock and time reference, like the camera kind of twists/pans back from argyle to show the clock only to… move back in again? So the clock was intentionally shown. And then the very next shot is that close up of ‘time out’ before panning down to Eden putting Cornelius in time out. The last one I gasped at when I noticed it, since @chirpsythismorning kinda opened red tower gate in a post about how Will could be 12. So, I went back to season 1 where Hopper broke in to the lab to see if the drawing hopper found in 11’s room was the same and

No. lol. But it looks like El possibly draws her and papa a lot (which it’s shown in the rainbow room that they have colours and the kids do draw often), carrying out experiments. So if the first one was the test where he tried to get her to kill the cat, then the one that is featured in her replayed memory must have taken place in the rainbow room (as she drew the rainbow) and involved her, papa, and the red tower block.

I cant wait to see how this red tower stuff plays out but I think it’s gonna involve more lord of the rings parallels. But there’s just something about the “all this time we’ve been building it… for you” and all the other times this red tower features in season 4. I’m sure there is something important about the red tower. There’s something important hidden in the Bingham house. There’s something important hidden in the hellfire D&D campaign from episode one. I can’t wait to see how it all plays out, and I can’t wait to see more theories and analysis about this. I think that the upside down army that Nancy saw coming from the gates might build a tower, or that might have been their plan until their hive mind controller (Henry? Or the mind flayer? We still don’t know whose really running the show lol) has been weakened (assuming that it is vecna). So maybe in that experiment El drew, papa was trying to get her to knock down (or build?) the tower with her mind. Maybe we might see in 12’s room and the exact same drawing is there (but in will’s style). Maybe we’ll see this experiment in season 5, similar to how she kept getting lab flashbacks in season 1 (I mean they did say season 5 will be going back to it’s beginnings 🫢). Also something about how it was 12 building the tower. Something about that and the theory that Will created the 1983-Hawkins version of the upside down. Maybe vecna stole wills powers in the upside down to create a tower, just like he stole Els in season 3 to be able to open gates. Maybe theres gonna be Two Towers !!! One in the upside down one in the right side up and they can communicate easily between each other.

Omfg.

I’m so excited.

Idk if someone already opened red tower gate and it’s called something else, but if they did just tell me nicely in a private message so I can quietly slip away lol 😂

[vqmpzz]

this is old and gross but i still think the concept is cute so here you get prom ronance

[tinyboxxtink]

"Spring Break 86" *Chapter 17*

Chapter 16

Chapter 18

Funny story:

This was supposed to go up two days ago, but adult life happened and I couldn't do it Saturday, and I worked all day today.

But it's here!

I heard ya'll, you do NOT Like Y/N being a villain!

Also-- IDK if anyone know who "Evil Lady" is, but it's how I picture Y/N In "Villain Era"

---------------

“Y/N, What are you doing?!” Dustin yelled angrily. 

Lucas trying to reach Max, who was writhing and howling in pain from her two broken limbs. One of which you had just caused. 

“Oh wah wah wah,” you rolled your eyes. “Zoomer’s hurt and her little bard is distraught. You’re fucking KIDS,” 

“Y/N!” 

“You don’t know what love is, do you get that? Stupid idiotic god damn teenagers thinking they know what love is when clearly they don’t--”

“Yeah, you’re tellin’ me,” Eddie speaks up, making you look at him in shock. 

“....Yeah, i guess so,”

“Dude what are you doing?!” Steve yelled down to him. “Don’t piss her off more!”

“Ah, Harrington,” Vecna chuckled, looking up at him. “Quite the delicious morsel you are,” 

“Sorry, I don’t go for psychopathic freaks,”

“Yes I know,” he looks at you. “That’s Y/N’s department,” 

“Hey!” Both you and Eddie yell in offense, then look at each other. For half a second you both want to run to each other, forget all of this and just make up. But as fleeting as the emotion was, soon it was gone. 

“He means meal wise, Harrington,” You spit, knowing what Vecna’s thinking at all times now. It was like you were both in each other’s heads now, a mind meld made in hell. 

“What?”

“Mmmmm yes, all that guilt,” 

W-What?

“Oh don’t even pretend to act surprised, Steven,” you rolled your eyes. “So many years of being such a DICK to people, especially women,”

Steve looks down in shame, knowing exactly what you’re talking about.

“Hey! Steve!” Nancy reaches for him. “Don’t let her get in your head, okay? You’re not that guy anymore,” 

“Oh right, Nancy Drew here would stick up for him, wouldn’t she?” you laughed. “Before you do that though dear you should know you weren’t the first girl he de-folowered,” 

“....What?”

“Oh come on Nance,” you chuckled. “You didn’t think you were special, did you?” 

Nancy looks at Steve who has an incredibly guilty look on his face. 

“I bet you thought he was a virgin too, didn’t you?” you smirked. 

“Well, no, but--” Nancy starts in a small voice, but stops and glares at you. “No, I’m not letting you get inside my head like that, you bitch,”

“OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH,” Vecna drags out the word in a singsong voice. “Little Nancy Wheeler, quite the potty mouth on you now, hmm? Who knew?” 

“Shut up,” Nancy growls.

“Let’s talk about your guilt then, shall we?” 

“Oh come on papa,” you roll your eyes. “The Barb thing has been done to death,” 

“Oh, but it’s deeper than that, Y/N,” He smirks, looking at a nervous Nancy. 

“Oh?” you raised a curious eyebrow while glancing at her. 

“It’s really the shame of that fact that….you don’t feel guilty about Barb at all, do you Nancy?” 

“W-What?” Nancy shakes her head. “Of COURSE I do!” 

“Mmmm, I don’t think so, no,” Vecna chuckles. “I think you think it’s unfair that Barb had to go and get herself killed on the best night of your life,” 

“OOOOOHHHH,” You mimic his voice. “Interesting,”

“No!” She waves her hands frantically. “I don’t feel like that….anymore,” 

“Anymore,” you rolls your eyes with a small evil chuckle. 

“Hey!” Leave her alone!” Robin yells. 

“Ohhh yes,” your evil grin widens as you look at Robin. “Robin Buckley, resident lesbian of the Scooby gang,”

Everyone minus Steve and Eddie gasp; Robin’s mouth falls open. 

“You said--” She says softly, tears in her eyes. “You said that was safe with you,”

“Yeah well I said a lot of things, didn’t I?” You scoff. “Like how you’re gonna find someone someday? Lie. I was just trying to be nice. 

You’re never going to find someone, Robin. Y’know why? Because you’re ashamed. You think it’s some dirty secret, you have to hide.! How do you expect anyone to love you if you don’t love yourself, hmm?”

“HEY,” Steve barked at you. “That’s enough, Y/N,” 

“Actually I think it was going quite well,” Vecna smirked. “I can feel the shame and guilt oozing out of all three of you now. But why stop there?” 

He turns his gaze to Max and Lucas. 

“Come on man,” Lucas whines. “She’s already in enough pain,” 

“Yeah, that is true, papa,” 

“Oh now you feel remorse, Y/N?” He gave you a look. “I do believe you were the one who just snapped her arm in two,” 

“Well, yeah but--” You wavered. Vecna could see the flicker of guilt in your eyes, he had to stop this. 

“Well maybe we move on to Munson, hmm?” 

“What?” You turn to Eddie, who has an equally horrified look on his face.

“No,” you shook your head. “No you said--”

“I said he could live, Y/N,” He crosses his arms. “I didn’t say he wouldn’t get tortured,” 

“T-Tortured?”  you whimpered.

“Oh, I misspoke,” Vecna steps towards you, putting his hands on your shoulders from behind you. 

“All i meant was he should pay for what he put you through, don’t you think?”

“The pain i put HER through?!” Eddie scoffs with a laugh, flicking something in you to the ON position. 

“See?” Vecna catches this flash of anger, nurturing it quickly. “He doesn’t care what he did to you, he only expects you to feel guilty for what he thinks you did,” 

“What--No!” Eddie suddenly realizes whats happening. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. 

“He doesn’t care how he broke your heart that day, that day you wanted to proclaim your love to him,” 

“Stop…” 

“You were going to give up EVERYTHING for him. He was your entire world, didn’t you say that?” 

“W-What?”

“Tell him, Y/N,” Vecna says softly in your ear. “Tell him what you told Nancy,” 

As if being a machine turned on, your eyes went glassy and you repeated the monologue you had given Nancy like reciting lines in a play.

“Eddie was the same as my mother, it seemed like. You know, he went to high school a whole year before me. I was alone in that junior high for a whole year. And he had– He had been my entire world,” 

“Oh God…” Eddie whispered, not wanting to hear this. Not wanting to drudge up the guilt he had for giving her up. 

“So I had no choice but to…’adapt. I started getting good grades, I started joining clubs, I thought that by the time I met up with Eddie he’d be the same and we'd be together again but– By the time I was a freshman he just wasn’t…Eddie, anymore,” 

“No…” he shook his head, not wanting to hear it, seeing tears drip down your stoic face. 

“He had made friends with all of these stoners, who only wanted to get high and play D&D. That’s it. No ambition, no dreams. Just weed and RPG’s. And it scared the shit out of me! He was just like my mother, like– everyone else, telling me the world doesn’t give a shit about you, so why should you give a shit about it?”

Tears started streaming down your face, even though you were still in a trance-like state. It was very disconcerting to watch.

“And then, it made me try harder,” you became angry. “Now I had two people to convince: my mother, and Eddie. My mother might have been a lost cause, but I thought-- I don’t know if I– got to some point high enough, then maybe he’d– he’d…get his shit together,”

“No,” he shook his head harder, getting angry. He wasn’t sure whether it was at himself, you or Vecna, but he was fuming.  

“No, that is NOT what it was supposed to do, Y/N. The whole point of ‘giving you up’ was so that you WOULDN’T have to…’take care’, of me. Why don’t you get that?!”

“But apparently, all I did was shove him deeper and deeper into the belief that he was no good, and never would be. And now he’s just given up completely!”

“THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, Y/N!!” He ran over and tried shaking your shoulders to ‘wake you’, but you continued your robotic speech. 

“So maybe…I don’t know, maybe my mom’s right,” You finally finished, Vecna conveniently leaving out the part where you were worried about being killed by him. 

Your eyes slowly returned to normal, looking Eddie in the eyes. His face was relieved, glad you were you again.

Or so he thought. 

It was like something in you had been awaken from that trance, like you had been shoved down and the angry, bitter you emerged to the surface.

“You,” you shoved him off. “You did this,” 

“W-What?” His face went from ecstatic to terrified once again. “NO! Princess I--”

“NO!!!!!” You bellowed, your voice emitting some sort of shock wave. It passed through Eddie like lightning, knocking him to the ground. 

“You pushed me away,” angry tears started to form as you advanced towards him. “You, you became so fucking self indulgent and self involved with your stupid ass games and your weed. That’s ALL you cared about!”

“Th-That’s not true,” he whimpered, trying to get back up. “You know that’s not true--”

“I had to go through my best friend-- my entire world, just shoving me away like I was garbage, and it wasn’t even my fault!!!”

“I know, Princess,” He crawled towards you, tears dripping down his face. “I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t think--”

“Yeah that’s your problem, Munson,” you growled. “You don’t fucking think about anyone else but yourself,”

“That’s bullshit!” Eddie yelled angrily. “Y/N I have tried dying on you, MULTIPLE times. For YOU. Shit, I just ACTUALLY died!”

“I DIDN’T ASK YOU TOO!!!!” You screamed back. “You-- you left me, AGAIN. You DIED. You-- you took yourself from me, and once again I didn’t do anything to deserve that!” 

“How are you turning my act of love into some--- nefarious thing, Y/N”

“Big word for a three time senior,” You smirked. 

“Bitch,” Eddie blurted out. He hadn’t mean to be so harsh, but he was pissed already and you knew how to bring out the worst in him.

“Oooooooh!!!!!” Vecna laughed evilly. “Now the big man’s showing his true colors, isn’t he-- Princess?” 

“DON’T,” Eddie clenched his fists. “Don’t you fucking call her that. That is not your name for her,” 

“And it’s not yours either,” You spoke up. 

“W-What?” He gasped softly. “No, Princess come on--”

“DON’T fucking call me that,” you growled, getting up in his face while he was still on his knees. “You will never call me that again, do you fucking understand me?”

“NO, I don’t,” he pulled himself to his feet, grabbing your shoulders. “You are my Princess, Y/N. You always have been. Please, hear me. I know the real you is in there somewhere, and I know she knows how much I love her. How much I’ve always loved her,”

He moves both hands to your face. 

“Please, baby,” he begs you, his voice trembling. “Please fight this. I can’t lose you, not again,” 

“Not again,” You roll your eyes with a sad laugh, looking to the sky. “Not again?! WHO’S FAULT IS THAT?!”

“M-Mine, but--”

“I loved you, Eddie. Do you get that? I loved you so completely and with my entire being. But i was terrified to say anything because at least having you as a friend I could…’keep’ you,”

“Y/N…”

“Do you know how much courage it took for me to go to your house that day? Do you know how fucking long I stood in your driveway, just talking to myself? Trying to convince myself that if I laid it all out on the table, that it would-- somehow, bring you back to me?”

“Baby, I’m--”

“And then you YELLED AT ME!” You start to cry again. “You yelled at me, and made me feel like I did something wrong for loving you!!!!”

“I know,” he tightened the hands around your face, still crying himself. “I know, and I will never forgive myself for that, okay? But it’s over, it doesn't matter--”

“DOESN’T MATTER?!” You screamed, shoving him off of you. 

All of a sudden, your eyes glossed over once again. But this time, they were black. All black, like you had completely been lost and the demon had taken over.

“Oh now I do want you to suffer, Munson,” 

“Wha--- Aw shit no--” Eddie groans.

You held out one of your hands and started to clench it, causing Eddie’s throat to tighten. 

“No--” Eddie whimpered, his hands immediately going to his neck, as if he could pry your invisible grip on him.

“Y/N!!!!!” Dustin yelled. “Y/N DON’T DO THIS!!!!!!!”

“Oh right,” You turned to face him. “The annoying little brother,” 

“What?” Dustin gasped in horror. “No! Eddie and I are the only reason you’re like this, Y/N! Remember that?” 

“How could I forget, Dusty Buns?” You chuckled evilly. “You two have caused me the most suffering,” 

“Whatt-- NO!” Steve yelled from up above. “No! Leave Dustin alone! He hasn’t done anything wrong, Y/N!”

“ACTUALLY Harrington,” you turn to him. “You’re proving my point right now,”

“What?” Steve furrowed his eyebrows.

“You HAVE an older sibling, Dustin!!!” You stepped towards him. “Or did you forget that? You’re---you had the audacity to replace me with Steve “The Hair” Harrington? REALLY?!”

“I wasn’t trying to replace you, Y/N!” Dustin yelled. “But-- you were GONE. You’ve BEEN gone, even when you were here!” 

“Oh now you try and guilt trip me, huh little brother?” you scoff.

“I’m not-- I’m not trying to guilt trip you, I’m just trying to get you to understand---”

“Understand WHAT, Dustin?!” You cut him off angrily. “Understand that you went through hell and back again, and you chose Steve The--”

“Can we not use the nickname, please?” Steve asked. 

“...Harrington,” you growled. “You chose HIM to go to battle with? And then THIS loser?!” You gestured to Eddie who was still in your light choke hold. 

“YOU WEREN’T AROUND!”

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN, DUSTIN!!!!!!” you screeched. 

“Do you really think that if-- if you had said something after Will ‘supposedly’ died, that I wouldn’t have been there for you? 

“I mean, maybe--” 

“You didn’t trust me enough to let me! Your own FUCKING sister!!!!” Your decibels didn’t lower. 

“I didn’t bring him into it, Nancy did!” Dustin gestured to Nancy. 

“Y-You just…you closed off, and I let you. And then to come find out you not only opened up to this douchebag, but now you fucking WORSHIP him?!” you growled.

“I do not--” Dustin started to deny it.

“Ohhhhhhh do not even,” You wagged a finger. “Do not even try and bullshit me Dustin. I see how you look and act around him, like he’s a fucking superhero. He’s NOT, by the way. He’s a narcissistic, shallow, selfish ASSHOLE--”

“HE IS NOT!!!!!!!” Dustin was now screaming over you.

“See?” You laugh bitterly. “You run to his fucking defense. But you don’t know him like I do, do you?”

“You don’t know him like I do, Y/N!” Dustin yelled. “He’s changed!” 

“Oh I’m sure,” you rolled your eyes.

Suddenly, Vecna reacts to something, as if he’s being summoned. You feel it too, but you can’t make out what it is. Vecna however, seems to recognize it immediately.

“Hmm, seems we have a visitor, Maxine,” he chuckles. “Come, don’t want to keep her waiting,”

He snaps his fingers and Max goes into her trance like state, before he turns to you.

“I can count on you to finish these peons off, right my pet?”

“Yes, papa,” You nodded sweetly.

“Good,” he snaps his fingers and he and Max disappear. As soon as they’re gone, the remaining four drop to the floor of the trailer, and Eddie’s choke hold is released. 

Eddie immediately takes the opportunity to grab you by the shoulders, looking into the deep black holes where your eyes should be. 

“Jesus fuck…” he mutters, tears coming to his eyes. “Y/N? Baby? Can you hear me?” 

You shove him off with superhuman strength, then clench your fists. As you do, everyone in the trailer begins to choke. 

“I’ve had it with all of you….” You growl, looking straight ahead into nothingness. 

“NONE of you deserve happiness. NONE of you deserve to live,” You’re about to crush everyone’s windpipes with a flick of your wrist when you hear a small voice next to you.

“...I can’t fight this…feeling, any…longer,” Eddie chokes, trying desperately for you to hear him. 

Your head turns, the black in your eyes has blinded your vision.

“Don’t…” you growled, hearing the others struggling to breathe.

“And yet I’m still afraid…to let it show,” He sings louder. 

“STOP,” You growl harder, stepping towards where the voice is coming from. 

“What started out-- as-- friendship--” He chokes, your grip on everyone’s throat tightens as you rage inside. 

You can feel the true you fighting back, your eyes flash to normal, to black, to normal, to black. 

“Has grown stronger--” your voice comes out softly, almost against your will. Like the true you was breaking through. 

“I only wish I had the strength to let it show,” 

“Baby come on--” Eddie grunts. “Fight it, fight for us,” 

“And…I can’t…” You hold your head, your eyes flashing back and forth more rapidly. 

“I can’t…Eddie,” You whimpered. 

“You can, Y/N,” He could feel the grip on his neck loosening.  

He continued to sing to you: “And even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight,”

“You’re a--” You grunted, your knees started to shake. 

“Candle in the window, on a cold dark winter’s night,” He sang back, reaching for you but you kept him far enough away from you he was having difficulty. 

“And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might…” he hopped forward, finally grabbing one of your arms. 

Your eyes flicker to normal as Eddie pulls you into him, his choke hold being released. He sings the last line to you, and only the real you.

“And I can’t--” 

You put a hand to his lips, wanting to sing to him back as yourself, but you felt super weak.

“...Fight this feeling anymore, You slur, as you fall to the ground unconscious. Once you do, everyone else is released from their choke hold. 

“Y/N?” Eddie grabs you and sits down on the floor with your head in his lap. “Y/N? Baby?” 

No response.

“Baby, come on don’t do this. Not now,” he whimpers, stroking your blank face.

“Come back to me,” he whispers. 

The rest of the group is recovering, all talking to each other, checking on one another. Dustin quickly runs over to Eddie holding you. 

“Eddie,” he starts to cry. “Is she…?” 

“I don’t know…” Eddie started to cry himself, looking at him.

Suddenly, you began to stir in his arms.  

“Baby?” Eddie shook you softly as your eyes started to flutter open.

“Eddie…?” You looked up at him, tears coming to your eyes immediately as you started to remember what happened. 

“Y/N!” Dustin exclaimed happily, hugging you as you sit up. You hug him back softly, still holding Eddie’s hand. 

“I’m--I’m so sorry,” You whisper to the two of them, before looking at the rest of them. “I’m sorry to all of you,” 

“It’s okay baby,”  He pulled you close. “It wasn’t you,” 

“It was, though,” you bit your lip looking up at him. “I mean…it was stuff I thought,” 

“...Really?” Dustin asks in a hushed voice.

“REALLY?” Steve stomps over. “So you really think that shit about Robin?

“No!” You shook your head, giving Robin an apologetic look. “Not…really,” 

“WOW,” Robin scoffs. “Wow,” 

“Oh come on Robin, you know what i meant,” you tried to defend yourself.

“Do I?!” She yelled angrily. “I know you just fucking outed me!” 

“Oh to who, Max and Lucas?” You roll your eyes.

“Y/N!” Eddie hits you.

“I’m sorry,”  you apologize to her.

“See, she’s still under his spell,” Nancy gestures towards you.

“No she’s--” Eddie stops. “Are you?” 

“What?” your eyebrows furrowed.

“Still connected to Vecna,”’ Eddie said.

“I….” You closed your eyes. You could see Vecna, standing in a gym decorated for a dance. A banner read “SNOW BALL”.

“Yes,”  you nodded, eyes still closed.

“...Do you still have his power?” Nancy asked.

You looked over and clenched your fist at Steve. He started to gag, and you released quickly.

“Yup,” you shrugged.

“Jesus,” Steve muttered. “Thanks a lot,” 

“Sorry,” you blushed.

“So-- theoretically, you can kill him,” Nancy pointed out.

“WHAT?” Eddie gasped.

“I mean, help eleven at least,” Robin added.

“Nah nah nah nah,” Eddie waved his hands. “They’re psychically linked. What if when Vecna dies, she dies,”

“We don’t know that will happen,” Nancy speaks up.

“Yeah, you would--” You stop yourself, you know it’s not yourself.  

“See?!” She’s having none of it. “We don’t know if or when Vecna could just-- take full control of her and kill us all!”

“But what if she can help amp El’s powers? I mean, Vecna/Henry/One is a number, so they should have similar powers, right?”

“No,” Eddie stands in front of you. “No more using the girlfriend, do you hear me?”

“You better tell Vecna that,” Eddie scoffed.

“Baby they’re right,” you put your hands on his face. 

“The fuck they are!!” Eddie yelled.

“Look Eddie,” You made him look at you. “I just almost killed everyone in this room, i think I need to do damage control.”

“But that wasn’t--” he starts.

“Doesn’t matter,” you stopped him.

“If I can help kill this asshole, he won’t bother ANY Of us again. And I’ll be free,” you rubbed his cheek with your thumb.

“Don’t you want that?”

“...Yes,” He put his hands over yours still on his face.

“Alright let’s do it,” You nod at the rest of them, who nod in agreement.

This would be totally easy…right?

-------------

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[startwithbrooklyn]

THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / OCTOBER 3, 2019 // the trial

(TW SUICIDE)

it's the reveal!!!! love that for her hope shes thriving (shes not) again w the two minutes of the next episode to sync the dates

-lmaoooo so i honestly wonder why they went for the full pulling-it-out-the-throat thing but idk (an interesting foil to her getting sick for more stereotypical reasons ie s2 "people find out theyre grandparents every day"

-I LOVE THIS GEORGE HAIR

-"i'd do anything for nancy" okay but....why 👀bit of an odd reaction imo

-bess with spilling the truth again 😂and gets shot down. tragic #shetried

-wait sooooo nobody tested the fingerprints on the knife when this shit happened?? or that tech didnt exist in 2000? i mean without a body how could they even call it murder? and who told the police?? like if the drews took the baby, the dress, and said nothing, who tells the cops shes missing or even dead? how did they know to search the bluffs? who told the media/public? it had to have happened that same night because ryan said when he got there later there were already rumors she was killed. after the baby and bloody dress, only her crown, a knife, and tire tracks were left. how did anyone find anything at this remote bluff without some kind of tip off? and why on earth would they think murder and not suicide with so little evidence?? thats gotta be like suicide central, sorry for the trigger

-"a little help, lucy?!" lucy seems unable to disobey a direct request from nancy (ie "lucy, stop" from later in the ep) when nancy speaks directly to her. so maybe if nancy had spoken aloud/engaged more lucy could have appeared more? nancy said she only comes around when she wants to but what if nancy herself could do a bit more, being the last thing lucy touched and all

-so in ep 2 when nancys in jail carson says "great grandma rosalind buried her valuables in the trunk" including the knives shown here. did carson and kates families even know about nancy? how did they explain not announcing a pregnancy or birth?

-"oh." john lmfaoooo

-BESS lmaoooo and ace's looks in the background and then at seeing nick approaching lmfaooo oh no / also why on earth is she apologizing?? he dumped her but she has to be sorry he found out she fucked someone else? someone nicer pls explain to me bc i dont get it. she dont owe him shit

-george is SO CUTE lmfaoooo and so forward and he was so shook but then he was like "oh hell yeah"

-"is he a vampire?!" ik nobody i knew got that reference 😂

-this entire search of the claw is a sham. what are they even looking for. clearly a set up by tamura but why/what does he suspect them of. esp w karen as accomplice, story should be airtight so why are they still investigating?

-john + ace dream team 💙

-god ace is such a yes-man. why is he so fucking loyal?? people like him are insane. how are they real. i suspect they arent. and no matter what you do you are never worthy of their unending loyalty anyway.

-so in the Good Place nancy was the one who had the key but in reality its ryan

-wonder if lucy's listening to ryan here talking about his love and grief for her

-"you were throwing away your future on a nothing girl" - nancy & ryan - their fathers dont want them to see "troubled" kids, want them to focus on school instead --> which they both struggle with and eventually do not achieve (maybe bc they want their kids to leave horseshoe bay?) for nancy its an interesting vice for someone whos really a goody two shoes/for ryan its subverted bc karen actually did worse than him ie committed real crimes

-"stay away from my family" surprise bitch bet you thought youd seen the last of me 😉

-interestingly, ryan probably would have agreed with karen about switching the ballot boxes but he wouldnt have really understood the social consequences. both josh and karen are determined to see ryan as the bad guy when actually he didnt do anything, they did. 🤔

-karen is such a ride or die friend. again w the loyalty. if someone swapped ballot boxes for me i'd be touched. im sure going into active labor made lucy a bit upset but damn. what a friend.

-wonder when nancy starts calling her "Lucy" instead of "dead lucy"

-lucy primarily haunting her own house/love seeing this house overtaken by nature

-the concept of writing things down : starting from the first ep, nancy's journal (then and now), writing out simon cards, similar cemetary cards in the Good Place, "beautiful minding it," culminating in lucy's journal / writing it down to help figure it out/when theres too much going on to keep it inside

-"i'll make a salad" NICK LMAOOO

-wonder what happened to carson's old lawyer?

-"my testimony begins in the summer of 1999" because your story always starts with your mother's story

-lmfaoooooo this shit taking the stand is soooo never allowed but oh well

-"she stole a knife" and carson's face lmfaooooo he knows its not true but what could he fucking say?? no?

-"i love you mom, i hope you never find this." ironic bc nancy didnt want her dad to find her journal either

-lucy never wanted anyone to find out how she died d/t shame- but she didnt want carson to go to jail for it so she finally allowed it (or just couldnt refuse nancy asking)

-"i'm sorry for what you lost"/"i'm never gonna be free from them"

-awww ace/mcginnis goodbye / i wonder if ace is nervous thinking about tamura --> ace's dad since chief mcginnis covered for ace out of respect for his dads sacrifice but tamura would throw both ace and his dad under the bus just to get at nancy (get at her via ace? since he was already used as the blackmail plot device? they kinda touched in this in s2 but not fully)

-okay sooo why are they still doing this forensic analysis thing? like the whole things over so whats the point. i wonder if john had packed up and gone home what coulda happened

-nancy/carson - interrupted moments:

•family dinner interrupted by nancy's accsations

•being home after finding ted interrupted by carson's arrest

•celebration of dropped charges interrupted by nancy discovering the truth about her parentage

-"i cooked your favorite to celebrate" ironic bc shes upset that hes not her "real" dad but he IS because he knows her best. like theyre literally proving it right in front of her. vs ryan whom she doesnt really want anyway AND rejects requests to get to know her. like come on sis. his 20 years of parenting you arent going away, ever. deal w it.

-carson's little smile before he said "'mom never hurt lucy" like he knows this is the end / scott's acting here just kills me

~~~~~~~~~

-why did the drews come back at all? and why did kate really keep the dress? carson says she did it as a link to lucy, but did kate want to keep it to be connected to lucy? or did she bury it to keep lucy repressed? is this a positive or a negative? +keeping in attic - did lucy start to haunt kate, so she unburied the dress?

and lastly:

-why doesnt lucy haunt everett and celia hudson? she kind of does ie painting but only when nancy visits bc shes actually haunting nancy. isnt everything the hudsons' fault?

[janesramblings]

Nancy Drew 2x11 Review/Thoughts

Spoilers!!!

Also a spoiler for season seven on agents of shield which i wasn’t going to say anything about but it is a spoiler so

this is also longer than usual sorry

Okay I need to stop watching Nancy Drew in the middle of class but also I’m so excited

Wait we’re already starting out with Nick not having any memories?

That’s cool

Okay Nancy’s address is written on Nick’s hands so something tells me this isn’t the first time this has happened

Oh no it’s Celia

Ryan is not doing a very good job at being surprised I’ve got to say

“You’re a millionaire!!!” Bess is so cute

Tunji Kasim is doing an amazing job being confused

Ace is mad??? This is so weird also Nancy looks so hurt

Did George call Nancy a lying millionaire who couch hops and has no home? She’s not wrong but also ouch.

Family meeting awww I need more of Ryan, Carson, and Nancy being a family

Ladies who Yacht? I’m sorry what? How did Ryan say that with such a straight face?

“I’m not... not you guys” Nancy is wonderful also I love how she had to assure Ryan and Carson that they’re not grandparents

ACE’S MOM AHHHH

She’s exactly how I imagined her 

“Acey” that’s adorable

“Fully noshed thank you” I love Ace

“You’re not food free Grant” ahhhh these writers need a raise and Alex needs one too he’s so good at these lines

Murder? What?

It’s so strange to see Nick go from the rock to the one who needs help

Nancy holding Ace’s phone while he also holds his phone better not be the only nace moment we get today

Vikings?

Whoa I was not paying attention to Nancy where did those binoculars come from?

Okay I just rewound they came from her bag that makes sense

“Did I mention you were a mechanic before you bought a restaurant?”

What’s coming for Nick?

Can’t these guys catch a break? 

The most unrealistic thing about the Drew Crew is how they all know which seat to take in the car. It that were my friends it wouldn’t matter what was happening there would be a three way argument for the front seat.

Maybe I just need better friends who knows

This thing is a little creepy

What kind of text tone does Ace have? It sounds like those creepy clown car horns

The Captain is a much better contact name than Dad

I wonder what Nancy’s contact name is on his phone

Who names their kid Aristotle? 

Aww Nick fixed the wobbly chairs in Ace’s house 🥺🥺

Watching Nick break down about accidentally killing that guy is making me cry they did this so well

Tunji Kasim needs an Emmy my god

“Can someone sign my time card?” poor grant just wants to get his work done and these guys are snapping at him and ignoring him

“Hold it down Grant” has never felt more appropriate 

Nancy... people have this societal thing called personal space

I love how she stays a respectful distance from Bess and George and she’s practically leaning on Ace.

That guy is his roommate and hates him? Why would anyone choose to live like that? That’s like deciding you want a sibling

Nancy sounding the horn and then shouting “Get in” to a very confused Celia is the peak of comedy and no I won’t be accepting any comments about this

Did Nancy just... erase Celia’s memories?

What?

“I trolled Aristotle so I wouldn’t kill him” that doesn’t seem like logical reasoning there Mr. I-Already-Forgot-Your-Name

Looks like Mr. I-Already-Forgot-Your-Name is the annoying roommate

“Is it because you’re ashamed of me?” did not have to be so painful

Again, this guy needs an award

Is Celia being nice? I kind of really like this can she stay this way?

“Is Nick going to come back part Celia?” is a very good question

Nancy has an answer to every question why has no one pointed this out yet?

Celia is very adorable like this she does not need to be so excited by an umbrella 

Ryan is rightfully very confused but also resigned? Does he just expect this from Nancy now?

“This is a terrible podcast” amen Ace

Okay so clearly you aren’t supposed to know the god’s name

“Was that me?” god bless Bess

Okay so no one knows who is who

Did Ace and Nancy appear from the same place?

“What like a heat emergency?” at least Bess is consistent

Snow!!

Okay so they’ve done this before clearly

Did they really write that Ace is a deep soul? They’re right but also... is that pivotal at the moment?

“I have a dead French lady inside me” I love George

“hey” “hi” Nick and George are very accepting of the fact that they are dating and it’s so cute

George accepting that she said so is great I love her confidence

Also whose handwriting is whose? Idk why I care but I do

“I’m not sure if that’s a last name or a first name” Yeah Ace what IS your last name? (kidding it’s Hardy I’ve predicted it)

Awww call back to the first episode with Ace’s crush

And the second with his acceptance that they aren’t going to be a couple

“Which one of you is Nancy?” that made my little shipper heart very sad

Also George’s wordless point was funny for no reason

Water gunning with holy water? Yep that was gonna work

Clearly sixth time was not the charm

Slingshot-ing steak knives? That had to have been Ace’s idea

That cut! What was that cut! That was amazing!

I’m really hoping that at some point in their memory-less state either Nancy or Ace starts flirting because how cute would that be?

I’m thinking like,,, the Daisy/Sousa kiss in the time loop episode of Agents of Shield that would be wonderful

Ace as bait??? That was an idea?? Why didn’t we see that one?

They’re dancing awww

“I like you” “I think I like you too” awww it’s so bittersweet to see what Nancy’s life could have been also they look really similar

Oof looks like they are out of memory eraser, sad

Nancy and Ace look so good together

I love how Nancy looks back at Ace instead of Bess who is right next to her

“DON’T TRUST ODETTE she will mess with you” is fantastic

Disease? That’s what killed them?

Did Nancy just finish Ace’s sentence?

“social media savant” queen

Nick lied to go eat ice cream? Seems solid I’d do the same

You’ve got to be kidding me? All of this could have been avoided if Aristotle had just not said anything?

Wow that was dramatic but also really impressive I guess

“You’re my daughter” 🥺🥺

He’s moving back home!!!

That hugggggg

Can we just keep Celia this way she’s so sweet

I really want Celia to just... accept Nancy as her granddaughter how amazing would that be?

“But I like it when you go on and on. It doesn’t happen that much anymore”

Okay sure, I didn’t need my heart anyway

Imagine a little like, preteen Ace chatting away constantly to his parents that would be so cute

I love the music in this show

Ace’s mom is amazing and she’d totally love Nancy if she ever dated Ace

Also according to the subtitles on my laptop her name is Rebecca

Aaaand Celia is still telling Everett of course she is

Nick and George are moving in together!!!! This is not a drill ahhhhhh

Awww a housewarming party how freaking adorable is that?

Lmao Nick bought the whole thing

GRANT IS THE BROTHER???

And he needs help

Okay

That’s cool 

That was a really good episode

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Holden Caulfield or Nancy Drew

PART THIRTY-ONE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: nightmares, anxiety/panic attacks, mentions of domestic abuse/violence, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 7.5K (this is long for some reason idk lads)

Summary: Jess and Ella return to Stars Hollow for Liz’s baby shower.

“So, how do you feel about artificial intelligence?” Ella asked, unprompted, finishing a drawing of some ducklings feasting on a vulture. Her sketchpad sat to her right on the arm of the couch. She was working with the new theme of opposition.

Jess looked up from his book, his head lying on her lap, and furrowed his brows. “What?”

She shrugged. “I read about some guy in the woods of Montana creating an AI all on his own. I think it’s a recipe for disaster.”

“How so?” Setting the book on his chest upside-down, Jess glanced at her inquisitively.

Her eyes were still trained on the drawing she was completing with only one hand. “Well, once they gain a more humanoid form, will they assimilate completely into the human race or will they be distinct from us? I mean, will they enact some revenge plot on us or will we coexist peacefully? We’re not the first humans who’ve had to think about this, but it’s the new millennium. Seems like that kinda stuff is closer than ever.”

Breathing a long sigh, Jess let a smirk cross his face. He peeked at his watch, and found it was only half past five. Chris was due home soon, having gone to do some PR business. Matthew was staying at Mabel’s place for the weekend. The apartment, silent save for their voices, was bathed in evening light. It had been warm for a February day, but a cold front was set to arrive very soon.

“It’s not even six yet. And already we’ve arrived at Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” he asked with a doubtful chuckle.

Finally, she did the last bit of shading on her sketch and shut her book, her pencil saving her place. Her smile was small and sardonic. “You mean Blade Runner? Or are you actually insinuating that the book was better than the movie?”

“I’m not insinuating, Stevens. I’m stating a known fact,” he argued flatly.

She rolled her eyes. “Are you ever gonna get some taste?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” he shot back.

Ella scoffed. “Says the man who honestly believes Coldplay could be described as an alternative band?”

“I’m not having this conversation again,” Jess deadpanned playfully, picking his book back up.

“Because you know I’m right.”

“Because you’re relentlessly stubborn.”

“On this particular topic?” Ella said, eyebrows raised. “Any sane person would be.”

“‘Sane’ isn’t quite the right word,” Jess muttered, pretending to ignore her.

She narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, then gave a curt nod and snatched the Kesey book from his hands before he could even react. Sitting up instantly, Jess eyed the book where she held it over the arm of the couch. Certainly, it was in his reach, but that wasn’t the point.

“You know this means war, right?” he asked.

“I’m aware,” she replied coolly, mocking. “But you’ll just have to try to come over here and get this back.”

“If you insist,” he shrugged, sighing slightly.

He launched forwards and began tickling her sides. Eyes widening, Ella dropped the book. The paperback fell with a small thud on the cracked hardwood on the other side of the couch, forgotten. Her sketchbook also slipped off the arm of the couch, the pencil falling out and rolling underneath the chair nearby. Jess had gone straight for the jugular. It had only taken sleeping in the same bed with her a few times for him to realize Ella was one of the most ticklish people he had ever encountered. She laughed loudly, openly, throwing her head back. Her hair splayed behind her as she laid her head against one of the throw pillows and Jess ended up on top, straddling her.

“This is what you get for being a book tease, Daria,” he said.

Her smile was wide, hurting her cheeks, as she pleaded through breathless giggles. “Fuck you! Stop!”

After a few more seconds, he obliged, his hands going slack and gripping her sides gently instead. The grin remained on her lips, her cheeks a lively pink. She caught her breath, dreamy eyes softening as her gaze lingered on his face. “I hate you, Mariano.”

He chuckled in disbelief. “You love me.”

Ella shrugged as Jess leaned in closer to her, breath hot on her face. “Close enough.”

As he went to kiss her, she placed a hand on the back of his neck, cool against his flushed skin. Her lips were soft but firm, needy. She was just wrapping her legs around his waist as he sat up, preparing to lift her up and take her to their bedroom, when Chris walked in. Immediately after tossing his keys on the kitchen counter, he staggered back and clamped his free hand over his eyes.

“Ugh, c’mon guys!” he whined.

Ella gasped and pulled away, hiding her face behind Jess, who turned to his friend with an annoyed stare. About a minute more and they would’ve been in the clear.

“How many times?” Chris continued, glancing through his splayed fingers to ensure it was safe before removing his hand again. “This is a communal living room! Communal!”

“Sorry,” Jess said lightly. “Next time, we’ll hang a sock on the door.”

Ella shoved his shoulder playfully, embarrassed. “Shut up!”

Chris grimaced in distaste but let it slide. He cast a stack of envelopes on the coffee table in front of them before going to hang up his things. “Some mail came.”

Swallowing thickly, Ella climbed off of Jess and began sifting through the mail. Jess watched her go through the envelopes, his chin resting on her shoulder. She tossed a few his way, some bills and some author inquiries.

Only two of them were for her, one being a check for her teacher’s assistant services. The spring semester was going considerably better than the fall, as Ella got the hang of the program. She smiled down at it and picked up her sketchbook again, tucking the check inside and making a mental note to cash it on Monday. Underneath it was a larger envelope, addressed in delicate, handwritten cursive. The return address was for a woman named Carrie from Stars Hollow. For the life of her, she couldn’t produce a face to match the name. Furrowing her brows, she ripped it open and read the stiff card which fell out.

“Hm,” she hummed, beginning to chew at her thumbnail as she looked it over.

“What’s up?” Jess asked absently, flipping through his own pile.

Biting the inside of her cheek, Ella took a hesitant pause before she spoke. The door shut behind Chris as he disappeared into his own room, and Ella was glad the inquiring ears were gone. “I got invited to Liz’s baby shower.”

“Huh,” Jess chirped, indifferent. “When?”

Her eyes landed on the date and she smirked bitterly. “Tomorrow. What a master at planning, your mother.”

“It’s what she’s famous for,” Jess quipped, finally setting his mail back on the coffee table and meeting her eyes again. “You wanna go? There’s no other plans this weekend, right?”

“I don’t know,” Ella shrugged. “Obviously, you could come with. Maybe catch up with Luke or something. He’s probably not doing so hot since everything with Lorelai. I mean...do you want me to go?”

“Not my decision to make,” he said in a clipped tone. He ran a hand over his mouth and peeked down at the invitation. It was pink and glittery. He snorted a bitter laugh. “If you wanna go, I’ll come with.”

“You have no opinion on this?” she asked. “None at all?”

“Nope,” he answered, shaking his head. “No opinion at all.”

She blew a breath out her nose, eyes calculating, as she read the invitation over again and considered the options. Jess didn’t seem thrilled about it, but didn’t seem enraged either. It was nice they had thought of her at all. And Ella had been worrying about Luke in the back of her mind quite a bit as of late. She’d heard through Lane that Lorelai had somehow ended up marrying Rory’s dad, Christopher, in Paris. Besides, Jess spoke with Liz on the phone at least once a month. They weren’t estranged. It would be good, she told herself. Mature.

“Might as well,” she said with finality, adding her own envelopes to the madness on the coffee table. She would have to grab her lone, neat stack later. “Since they remembered to invite me. Feels like I should go.”

Jess nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” she echoed, tugging on her earring. “We can take my car. And we’ll have to stop and get a gift on the way, I guess. But the party’s not until four, so we can definitely swing it. I guess you’ll have to hang out at Luke’s or something while I go?”

“Sure,” Jess said, aloof. “I’ll call him later and let him know we’re coming. We should probably stay with him. There’s no telling what kind of state Liz and TJ’s house is in.”

“Yeah, I think that’s a wise choice.”

“Agreed.” He ran an anxious hand through his hair and straightened up slightly, then seemed to lose some of the tension in his shoulders. The small smirk reappeared on his lips. “But, in the meantime, you wanna finish what we started?”

Ella grinned wickedly and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bedroom door. “No time like the present.”

.   .   .

Usually, when Jess emerged from a nightmare, a big gasp brought him immediately back to reality. He would jolt physically as soon as his eyes flew open. But, this time, he found he couldn’t get quite as much of the dry central heating air as he needed when he reentered the waking world. His chest felt tight, as it often did in a bad dream’s aftermath, but his throat also felt impossibly small. His breathing came in short gasps. His heart beat hard against his ribs, making him feel almost nauseous. Though he was sticky with sweat, shivers rolled through his body, making his hands tremble. And for just one moment, he feared he was so lightheaded he would pass out.

Ella didn’t feel his movements so much as hear his shuffling around. When she cracked her eyes open, and blinked away the first few seconds of blurriness, she found him leaning up against the wall behind the bed. His eyes were wide and terrified, and he couldn’t control his breathing despite the hand he held desperately to his chest.

“Whoa, hey, Jess,” she murmured softly.

Sitting up, she immediately went to bring a hand to his shoulder, but he flinched away from her.

“I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, okay?” she told him.

He nodded weakly.

Worry crept up her throat, but she did her best to keep her voice calm. She had seen shades of the same reaction each time he had a nightmare, but it had never been quite so extreme. His pupils had never been blown-out, as she could see in the grayish light of the early morning, and he had never had trouble breathing before.

“What do you need?” she asked, trying to get him to meet her gaze. When he finally did, she could see tears just about to spill over.

“Elle, I...I don’t…” He struggled for words, panting.

“Alright, that’s fine,” she whispered. “It’s fine if you don’t know. Everything is fine, Jess. But let’s just breathe, alright? Breathe with me.”

She took a long, loud breath in through her nose, then let it out through her mouth.

“Do it with me, James Dean. In and out, huh?” she said.

Though he raised a doubtful eyebrow, eventually, he did as she instructed. His hands almost felt numb, pins and needles, but they stopped shaking after a few minutes of slow breaths. He grabbed her hand in his own, squeezing tightly. He wondered instantly why he had withdrawn from her before. The feeling of her skin against his did perhaps more to soothe him than the breathing did.

She offered a tiny smile as he interlaced their fingers, and squeezed back. “Good job, Jess. Everything’s fine. I’m right here.”

Again, he nodded, more emphatically. There were glistening tear tracks running down his cheeks. He sniffled as his breathing became regular again, and he bit down hard on his bottom lip to maintain whatever semblance of control he could.

“You okay?” she asked, watching his muscles begin to ease up.

Releasing her hand, Jess averted his gaze and felt a blush heat his skin. “Yeah. Yeah. Fine.”

Ella said nothing more, instead gently laying him back down. She tugged the covers over them again, though she knew the alarm would probably go off in less than an hour or two. She brought his head to her chest, running her fingers through his hair and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Wiping some of the dampness from his face with her thumb, she rubbed her free hand up and down over his back.

“One of those dreams, cutie?” she asked quietly.

He hummed in confirmation.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“No,” he said, and she thought she heard his voice becoming watery again.

“Okay,” she replied, soft but resolute. It was the response she had expected, but it seemed worth asking for such an acute reaction.

A calm, comfortable silence passed between them. Outside, the birds were chirping, and the traffic noise had already started. Slats of light snuck through the closed blinds and cast white strips over the gray comforter. Reaching over, Jess began to trace a fingertip over the tattoo on the inside of her left forearm. He did it often with her body art, after having watched her run her hands over her sketches so many times.

“Remind me about this one,” he said softly.

She smiled. He’d asked her more than once after a nightmare. She only had two tattoos so far, though she had plans for a third. Quality meant money, and she was still saving up. Sometimes he asked about the one on her leg, an antique bird cage with an open door. Neither of her tattoos had any color, drawn in a delicate, shaded style by an artist in New Haven. She was talented, and Gil knew her through his sandwich shop connections. She was still apprenticing, making sandwiches to get by before she could open her own shop or get permanently hired at one.

The birdcage had actually been Lane’s idea, after Ella moved in with her. Partially inspired by Keats’s odes, Ella had thought of getting a simple bird tattoo. She’d mentioned it to Lane, who lit up immediately at the mention of a rebellious act, and suggested something a bit different. The metaphor was clear, the tattoo was beautiful. The experience was better than she thought it would be, and she’d gone back for her second only a few months later, on Mother’s Day.

As much as Ella loved the birdcage, the tulip on her arm was her favorite. By the same artist, it had the same style. It was delicate, the bloom near the crook of her elbow and the stem tapering off and disappearing gracefully a little above her wrist.

“When I was a kid,” she began, “my mother had a kickass garden. I always wanted to help her, planting and watering and everything. But, as we all know, I kill everything except cactuses. She gave me a bunch of tulip seeds for my birthday once, and I made them my project. Got some books about flowers from the library, and everything. Only one ended up growing, anyway. But I was proud of it. And my mom was proud of me. And now I remember every time I look at my arm.”

Jess could feel the vibrations of Ella’s raspy voice in her chest, his ear pressed against her t-shirt as he listened. His eyes were getting heavy again, his body stressed from the rude awakening. It made him feel silly, but it had always so easily put him back to sleep. Not having to talk. Just listening to her.

“Pretty sentimental of you, Stevens,” he joked.

She chuckled. “Hypocrite. Love at first sight much?”

“Who am I to deny a law of the universe? Not like I could help it. I saw you and it was done,” he argued impassively.

“Guess I’m just irresistible,” she teased.

“Seems that way.”

Her own eyes fluttered shut. She was warm but not uncomfortable. Cozy, she supposed, was the word for it. Jess on her right side, with his head on her chest, seconds away from snoring.

“Hey, I do love you, Mariano.”

One corner of Jess’s mouth quirked up in a lazy smile, as he dozed despite the uneasiness and embarrassment still sitting in his stomach. “I know, Stevens. Love you back.”

.   .   .

Humming along with the CD, Ella cast nervous glances Jess’s way. His scowl was near permanent as he stared out the window at the passing scenery. The breeze was frigid as the sun beat down on the Connecticut streets. They were only five minutes away from Liz and TJ’s house, and Ella felt far less nostalgia than she was expecting. Fiona and Adam both had plans for the day, and said they simply couldn’t carve out the time to see her. Not one minute. Adam had some project he was spending the weekend at a friend’s house to finish. And Fiona had hair appointments booked solid. Ella knew it was naive to think they would fit in time for her on such a spur of the moment visit, but the disappointment remained. Stars Hollow didn’t look the same to her, feel the same to her, no matter how identical it seemed. Colorful decorations popped up on the sidewalks and there was a banner for some random town holiday above Taylor’s store. She didn’t bother to read it; next weekend was Valentine’s Day and she knew whatever the town was currently celebrating would just be an excuse to drum up business for the actual calendar event. As soon as “Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters” ended, she pulled her station wagon over to the side, outside Liz and TJ’s modest ranch-style, adorned with lawn ornaments and wind chimes and other kitschy decorations. A bunch of pink balloons streamed from where they were tied to the mailbox, which was shaped like a fish.

“Okay. Out with it,” she said, turning to him just as she pulled the parking brake.

Jess faced her, furrowing his brows. “What?”

“What’s with you?” Ella asked. “You always sing along to Elton John. At least, when it’s just the two of us you do. ‘Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters’ is your favorite. You’re not singing so...what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Jess said shortly, arms crossed over his flannel.

Ella blew her curtain bangs from her eyes in frustration, the rest of her locks pulled back in a low bun. She pulled the keys from the ignition. “Can we just skip this whole denial part and get to the part where you tell me what’s going on with you?”

“This isn’t the denial part,” Jess said, rolling his eyes. “This is the part where I tell you nothing is wrong because nothing is wrong. Two different parts entirely.”

“I asked you if you still wanted to come after everything that happened last night. And you said, and I quote: ‘Yes.’ And you didn’t want to talk about it, which is totally fine. But you seemed so out of it this morning, and-”

“This isn’t about last night,” he interrupted, a defensive bite in his voice. His muscles were tense.

“Alright,” she nodded, eyebrows raised. “Then what the hell is it about?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

“I think you might be a worse liar than me,” she mused peevishly. “Just give it up, Mariano. What is wrong?”

“The third degree is getting a little old, Nancy Drew,” he shot back, raising his voice slightly.

She spoke with her hands, a small, bitter, sarcastic smirk on her face. “You know what I think is getting old? The Holden fucking Caulfield act, which I haven’t seen in, like, three years. Now, you obviously don’t wanna be here, jackass. You obviously didn’t want me to go to this thing. Which you could’ve mentioned about two hundred miles ago. But I guess I wasn’t worthy of that courtesy. I’m only your girlfriend and your best friend, but who am I kidding? There’s no one on the planet who could possibly be privy to the thoughts of tortured genius, Jess Mariano! Excuse me!”

Grabbing the present and her purse from the backseat and shutting the driver’s side door behind her harshly, she began trudging up the cobblestone path to the house.

Jess sighed heavily as he got out of the car and leaned against the passenger side. He watched as Ella stopped abruptly and turned on her heel, fire in her hazel eyes as she doubled back and held the keys out to him.

“For you, Caulfield. Avoid the phonies on your way. I hear they tend to jaywalk,” she snapped as he took the keys.

“You’re so fucking hilarious,” he retorted, eyes narrowed.

“And you are so fucking annoying,” she shouted over her shoulder as she neared the front door.

“Right back at ya, Stevens!”

Jess ran a hand over his mouth as he saw Liz come out to meet Ella, enveloping her in a warm, cheerful hug. Her baby bump was round and visible from the street, and she offered her son a wave from the distance. He returned it begrudgingly. Feeling his stomach do a flip, his eyes followed Ella as she vanished into the house and didn’t turn back for a final look at him.

.   .   .

Evening had darkened to a deep, silky blue outside. The air was icy and thick with the promise of forthcoming snow. Ella sat on the porch with Miss Patty as she smoked from her long cigarette holder. The day hadn’t been her happiest, but Ella was glad to have a chance to reunite with the best dance teacher on the East Coast. Babette had left earlier, something about a gig for Maury’s jazz group. Carrie, who Ella had recognized as one of the crazy guests from Liz’s bachelorette party upon seeing her face again, was inside with Liz and TJ. And, Ella couldn’t think of anything she wanted to hear less than the story TJ was currently telling of the fight he and Jess had gotten into at a strip club. The father-to-be had shown up halfway through the party to be present when the gifts were opened, wearing an ostentatious Hawaiian shirt, inexplicably.

Ella’s glass was filled with watery orange juice, the ice cubes long since having melted. The drink was tangy, sour, and she had downed at least four of them over the course of the past three hours.

“And I told Marlene I simply couldn’t take her place,” Patty said, words snaking out of her mouth in white clouds. She was draped in velvet shawls and several long necklaces. “But she insisted!”

“I never knew you were a Dietrich stand-in,” Ella said, head buzzing and airy.

Patty nodded, an eyebrow raised suggestively. “I was her stand-in in more ways than one. Rudolf Sieber was a hell of a man.”

Snorting a laugh, Ella half-listened as she leaned over to get a better view of the full moon and the bright stars. She slid right off the porch swing and landed directly on her ass. Bursting out in drunken cackles, she somehow managed to keep the drink gripped in her hand. She gulped up the rest of it, then placed it down on the painted wood floor next to her. Patty laughed along suspiciously.

“Darling, are you alright?”

Ella nodded through her sloppy giggles, licking her lips. “I’m great, Miss Patty. Y’know, I don’t usually like orange juice too much, but I love it tonight. And Liz loved the pajamas we got. I thought the piglets would be better, but Jess insisted we get the sheep. He was right, I guess. It’d be nice if he was so open about more than just his onesie opinions.”

“My dear,” Patty began, stubbing out her cigarette, “that’s not orange juice. That’s a screwdriver.”

“Hm?” Ella asked, looking up at her from her place on the floor with large, glassy eyes.

“A screwdriver. It’s orange juice and vodka,” Patty explained, half-amused and half-concerned. She went and shouted something through the front door to Liz, TJ, Carrie, and the rest of the crowd. Ella said nothing, only looking down in confusion at her empty cup.

Liz appeared next to Patty in a second, both of them coming over and lifting Ella by the upper arms. Smiling widely, Liz gave Ella a hug goodbye. Ella laughed in her grasp, more receptive to the contact than she was when she first got to the shower.

“I had so much fun! Thank you for inviting me!” Ella exclaimed, her voice high and intoxicated.

Grin ever-present, Liz pulled away from Ella and held her by the shoulders. “Aw, thank you for coming. I love the onesie! Patty’s gonna walk you back to my bro’s diner, alright?”

Ella paused for a long, apprehensive moment, then nodded happily. “Okay, sure. Hey, did Carrie give me vodka? Patty said something about vodka. But Carrie said it was orange juice and I couldn’t taste anything else!”

“You’ll be fine, sweetie,” Liz said calmly, then turned Ella back to Patty.

Ella was about to question her further, but she was already being whisked away.

“C’mon, let’s get you back to the diner,” Patty said, pushing Ella forwards by the shoulderblades.

Babbling on about whatever passed through her brain, Ella appreciated the cold air on her flushed skin as they strolled through town on the five-minute walk back to Luke's. At some point, she shed her black peacoat and slung it over her shoulder. There were rosy patches blooming on her chest, exposed in her floral black dress. Her tights had somehow sustained more than one rip and her Doc Martens felt leaden on her feet. The lights of the diner were a beacon against the dark backdrop of town at night. She saw Jess, all broody on a stool at the end of the counter, through the front window.

“Ugh, Jess is such an asshole sometimes,” she muttered, her words thick like molasses.

Patty chuckled, walking her up the concrete steps. “He’s a man, honey. What did you expect?”

The bell over the door jingled jovially. Luke was cleaning up the counter as the Saturday dinner rush died down. The aroma of salt and grease was potent. Finally, the wave of nostalgia hit Ella as she hung her coat and bag by the door. She almost knocked the rack down as Patty’s hands hovered over her form cautiously.

“Yes, everyone, your eyes do not deceive you,” Ella announced. “Luke’s best waitress has returned to her humble beginnings in Stars Hollow.”

At the sound of her voice, Jess turned and his eyes widened. He abandoned his book on the counter and hopped up from the stool. Luke, equally startled, could only stand there with his mouth agape.

“What happened?” Jess asked, rushing over to Ella. His hands went to her waist to guide her, but she swatted him away with a heavy sigh of frustration.

“Get off me, Holden Caulfield,” she mumbled, wobbly on her feet.

“Carrie gave her five screwdrivers. She thought it was orange juice,” Patty said shortly, offering some greetings to the stray customers sitting around and looking on in curiosity. “You got her, Jess? I have a midnight sauna salsa class to set up for.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Patty,” Jess said, taking over for her.

Ella ran right into one of the tables. It screeched across the tile floor, leaving a dark mark. But Jess caught her before she fell on her face. Patty offered Ella a final kiss on the cheek before making her exit.

“Dammit, Crazy Carrie strikes again!” Luke exclaimed. Jess sensed a rant coming. “I never would’ve let her go if I knew that’s who was throwing it!”

“You think you could stop Eleanor Stevens from going anywhere?” Jess asked doubtfully, continuing his failed attempts to direct her.

“Luke, your nephew is a jackass, did you know that? And such a dork,” Ella said, coming behind the counter and learning her elbows on it tiredly. Luke could smell the vodka, strong on her breath. “I mean, he loves broadway. I’m serious. And Elton John. And Nora Ephron. And remember when we were in high school when he got that black eye from-”

Jess finally managed to clamp his hand over Ella’s mouth, as she had been shoving his hands away during the entire diatribe. She was surprisingly strong while drunk, even though she was such a lightweight. Licking his hand, Ella managed to get her mouth free again. She laughed at Jess’s grimace as he wiped his palm on her sleeve, but pressed her back against him nonetheless. She felt some stability returning as he began to support her weight.

“Okay, I think it’s time we get you to bed,” Jess said. His cheeks were flushed and there was crease of concern on his forehead. “Don’t you think so, Luke?”

“Yeah, Ella, the sheets are clean. You guys can take my bed tonight,” Luke said, nodding along as he went over to the cash register.

“But I don’t wanna take your bed. Who are we to take your bed?” Ella argued, as Jess led her back towards the stairs. She stumbled over her words, and swayed as she tried to walk.

“It’s fine, Ella,” Luke insisted warily. “You’ll take the bed.”

“But-”

Jess uttered a long sigh, then hoisted her up bridal-style, fed up with struggling. Groaning dramatically, Ella stiffened for only a moment, then relaxed in his arms. Her head lolled drunkenly against his shoulder.

“Oh, look, my jackass in shining armor,” she spat out, eyes closed.

“Yeah, I’m the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, I know,” he replied, finishing his climb up the stairs and managing to open the door to the apartment with only one hand.

“At least you’re self-aware.”

She was already drifting off, and he set her down atop the soft orange cover on Luke’s double bed. She rolled over onto her side and grabbed a fistful of the sheets sleepily. By the time Jess returned to her with a glass of water and some aspirin, she was beginning to snore. He set the glass and pills on the bedside table.

“Elle? Wake up for just a sec,” he whispered, shaking her shoulder gently.

She gave another petulant moan, but opened her bleary eyes and sat up against the headboard.

“Take these,” he said shortly, giving her the glass and the aspirin.

Shooting him a scornful glare, she knocked them back without a word.

“You want the Led Zeppelin t-shirt or the blue flannel?” he asked, going over to the duffel he’d brought up to the apartment earlier.

She pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling the headache already. “Fuck, I wish I brought the KISS t-shirt. But if I brought it, I would definitely forget it. I can see it already. Led Zeppelin, please.”

He nodded, then came back to the end of the bed and began untying her shoes for her. Her eyes fluttered shut again. The smell of pine in the apartment was old and comforting. The covers were soft against her skin as Jess tugged off her stockings, leaving her legs bare. He swapped them for a pair of plaid pajama shorts, which she actually tried (unsuccessfully) to help him put on.

Suddenly, she began to clutch at the leather cord around her neck. On it, there hung a heavy, blue geode, flat against the exposed skin of her chest. She tried twice to get it off herself, before Jess finished with her shorts and pushed her hands aside. He raised it up and off of her carefully.

“Your mom put that on me. I might’ve given her twenty bucks for it? I don’t remember,” she told him, surly.

Jess cracked a joyless smirk. “How mercenary of her.”

“I wish I wasn’t drunk,” she murmured as he instructed her to raise her arms so he could get her dress and bra off.

“I know,” he replied.

“Being drunk fucking sucks,” she continued as he slipped the worn cotton t-shirt over her head.

“I know,” he repeated. Jess scooted up closer to the head of the bed. “Turn around.”

She did as he said, though not without sulky huff. In measured, delicate movements, he undid her hairdo, taking out the bobby pins and the elastic. He ran his fingers gently through her hair, untangling it.

“Okay. Do you wanna brush your teeth first?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head, burrowing beneath the covers and turning away from him. Swallowing dryly, Jess gave a curt nod and was about to turn and leave when Ella flipped suddenly onto her back.

“Hey, you have to stay on your side in case-”

“I just want you to talk to me,” she interjected, reaching up to stroke his stubbly cheek with her thumb. For a moment, as she continued, he thought he saw the shine of tears in her eyes. “We need to tell each other everything. I’m really fucking worried about you. And I just...I love you and...maybe I was being too aggressive. I don’t know. But I really, really wish I wasn’t drunk and my head hurts and I wish we could go home and-”

“Hey, Eleanor, just go to sleep,” he said softly, taking her hand from his face and running his thumb over the back. She was rambling, eyes red-rimmed, beyond exhausted. Tucking her in tightly, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

Irrational hurt passed over Ella’s face and she scoffed angrily. She faced away from him again, the cold shoulder. “Whatever. Holden fucking Caulfield.”

.   .   .

It was past eleven when Luke finally closed up for the night. He had no place to be, and let Caesar go early. The diner was completely silent as he scrubbed away at smudged surfaces and swept up crumbs. He wished for Lorelai, could picture her at home with Christopher. Around the kitchen table where he used to sit, with Rory and Christopher’s own daughter, Gigi. Luke wondered at it in the back of his mind. Christopher had a daughter, just like him. But he’d made it work. He’d figured it out, and gotten Lorelai in the end. Why hadn’t he been able to? What was wrong with him?

He pushed the thoughts away again, shaking his head. They did no good. What’s done is done, he told himself. Maybe one day he would find someone again. But he had never met anyone who made him feel the way Lorelai did. No one else in the world. He wasn’t optimistic he’d honestly be able to come across true love again. He trudged up the creaky back stairs, his brow heavy with anguish, after shutting off the downstairs lights. Opening the door to the apartment, which still read ‘Williams Hardware’ all these years after his father had died, he was surprised to see Jess at the kitchen table, book in hand. The light over the sink was the only one left on, creating a dim glow.

“Hey,” he said quietly, locking the door behind him, even though the front door of the diner was locked as well.

Jess’s eyes lingered on the page for a moment as he finished a sentence, before he saved his place and looked up. “Hey. You finish closing?”

“Yep,” Luke said, placing his keys down near the door and immediately going to grab a beer from the fridge. He held one out to his nephew. “You want one?”

Not even considering it, Jess shook his head. He tossed a nervous look at Ella, who lay snoring and tangled up in the orange sheets. She was talking nonsense in her sleep, had been for the past two or three hours as Jess attempted to finish his Kesey novel. He was having trouble concentrating.

“No, thanks,” he said. “I think at least one of us should be sober tonight.”

“Suit yourself.”

Luke came to sit beside Jess silently, sipping his Heineken and waiting for whatever story was to come. It was only the second time in his life he had seen Ella drunk, and it was making him feel an odd sense of deja-vu.

“I wanted to help clean up downstairs, but I was worried she would flip over onto her back. I figured I should stay here and...make sure she was okay,” Jess explained, apologetic.

“Don’t worry about it.” Luke shrugged it off dismissively.

“She hates being drunk,” Jess said, eyes still on Ella. “I mean, on her twenty-first birthday, we didn’t even go out. We just watched Goodfellas.”

“Why?” Luke asked, tilting his head in confusion.

Jess smirked. “She said it was a makeshift rite of passage, since she didn’t want to drink. Because they say ‘fuck’ exactly three hundred times.”

“Sounds like her,” Luke said fondly.

“Yeah,” Jess replied, looking down at his lap and breathing a sigh.

“She didn’t seem too happy with you earlier,” Luke said pointedly, eyebrows raised. “Or was that just the booze talking?”

Jess uttered a bitter chuckle. “I’d say a sober woman’s thoughts are a drunk woman’s words, but she sounded pretty much the same level of pissed in the car on the way up here as she did after five screwdrivers.”

“What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Jess said, his words a sigh. “I thought I’d be okay with all this. The baby shower and everything. But I got to thinking about it more and more and...I just don’t know. Do you think Liz is ready for another kid?”

Luke paused a moment, appraising Jess’s face. He saw sincere fear in his nephew’s features, taking him slightly aback. “I think so. And TJ’s not the sharpest tool in the shed by any means, but I think he’s even less of a flight risk than your mom. And they live right down the road from me, Jess.”

Jess hummed. “I guess that’s true. I just got to remembering some things about Liz and...Ella could tell something was up. She can always tell. But I guess I didn’t feel like talking.”

Blowing a long breath out through his nose, Luke nodded. “Well, you don’t have to worry about this kid. I promise. I won’t let anything happen.”

“Thanks.”

“And Jess?” Luke began, meeting his nephew’s eyes. “Talk to her. Tell her everything that’s on her mind. There’s no point in hiding things. It’ll drive her crazy, and it’ll drive her away. We’ve had this conversation before. Open two-way communication is-”

“The foundation of love, I know, Dr. Phil,” Jess grumbled, rolling his eyes at the self-help jargon. But, inside, he stored the sentiment away for later. “Old habits, I guess. I’m working on it.”

“Good. That’s all that matters,” Luke said, offering Jess a hopeful smile and finishing off the last of his beer. He tossed it in the recycling and retreated to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

Jess ran a hand over his mouth and then rubbed at his tired eyes with the heels of his hands. His dream from the night before flashed across his mind quickly, and he tried to lock the images away. The thought of curling up on the old leather couch made him grimace. He wasn’t eager for a repeat. One more chapter, he told himself. Then he would be ready to try and rest.

.   .   .

Whatever possessed her to wake up at five in the morning on a Sunday, she wasn’t entirely sure. But the pounding headache in her temples probably had something to do with it. Luke was already gone, the twin bed on which Jess had once slept made neatly and left empty. Early morning deliveries perhaps. Or maybe he was getting ready for the brunch crowd. It was his least favorite group of customers, Ella remembered. As she awoke and saw Jess was asleep beneath a throw blanket on the couch, book on the floor next to him, she hopped up from the bed. The weathered hardwood was cold beneath her bare feet, and she wished the room wasn’t quite as awash in morning light. She had to squint against it as she padded over, sitting on the edge of one couch cushion.

“Jess?” she whispered, groggy. She raked her hands through her messy hair and tucked it behind her ears. Goosebumps rose on her arms after having left the warmth of the bed. “Jess?”

He stirred on only the second try, scrunching up his face. He was still dressed in his clothes from the day before. Eventually, his brown eyes were open, and surprised to see her up before him. “Hey, Elle. You okay?”

“Yeah. Why are you on the couch?”

“Oh,” he said, throwing an arm across his eyes and yawning. “You were pretty mad last night. I didn’t know if you’d want me to get in with you.”

She shook her head, a small smile ghosting over her lips. “I always want you sleeping next to me, cutie. Even when I’m mad. I mean, we’ve got sides of the bed now. There’s tradition to maintain.”

“Like you’ve ever cared about tradition,” he chuckled, blinking away the sleep in his field of vision. She looked pale, almost a sickly green, but her eyes were clear once again. And her speech was no longer drunkenly strung together.

“Fair enough,” she replied. “But I wasn’t sleep-in-separate-beds mad. I was just I’m-wasted-and-annoyed mad.”

“How the hell did you not know you were drinking screwdrivers?” he asked, a teasing smirk appearing on his face.

She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “I don’t know, Mariano. I don’t ever drink. How am I supposed to know what alcohol tastes like? And I don’t know what the fuck Carrie did to those, but I swear they were a dead ringer for straight orange juice.”

“Whatever you say, Stevens.”

“Shut up,” she quipped with good nature. “Did I try to sing Rumors or anything? I don’t really remember.”

“Mercifully, no,” he said, sitting up against the arm of the couch. “Nothing crazy. You are a bit of a weepy drunk, but who isn’t?”

“Jesus,” she murmured, blushing slightly.

He chuckled half-heartedly, then his face grew more earnest. “Hey, Elle?”

“Hm?”

Pausing to heave a heavy sigh, he raked a hand through his bedhead.

“I didn’t want to come here because of the dream I had,” Jess spit out, before he could lose his nerve. “Nothing specific...just a bunch of stuff from when I was growing up. It just...Liz wasn’t the best mom and I was remembering...a lot. And I was nervous about her…”

“Screwing up that kid’s life?” she asked.

He nodded shyly.

“Okay. I get why you’d be nervous. But she’s with TJ now, and she’s older. And, plus, the day Luke lets anything happen to that baby is the day Coldplay is classified is an alternative band,” Ella said. At some point, she began running her fingers through his hair in reassurance. “I really, really think it’ll be fine.”

“I know. I talked to Luke last night.”

“And you’re feeling better about it?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, feeling a small weight lift from somewhere inside him. “But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just...I don’t know. I was...scared. It was stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, Jess,” she shook her head, gaze softening. “It makes sense. I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard. I didn’t mean to. You just...you scared me. And I was going insane because I knew something was wrong and...I was just worried about you.”

“I know, Daria,” he said fondly.

“I mean, you had a panic attack, Jess.” Her voice was deep with fatigue, and had pleading quality which struck Jess’s heart. “You couldn’t breathe. I didn’t know if I was gonna be able to help and...maybe you should see someone? My brother’s therapist helped him a lot after my mom.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jess replied, shockingly genuine. Ella didn’t think he would be entertaining the thought of getting help so easily.

“Good.”

“Not like I’ve got the best insurance though.”

Ella sighed. “Yeah. Fucking capitalism.”

“It’s a little early to be going Marxist, I think,” he said, laughing breathily.

“Oh, it’s never too early,” she shot back.

“Duly noted,” Jess replied. Then, after a hesitant pause: “So, we’re fine?”

“Everything’s fine, James Dean,” she said, nodding. “Thanks for telling me.”

“Don’t thank me,” he said with a bashful laugh, bowing his head.

Ella’s smile grew at his shyness, and she pressed a brief kiss to his forehead before he lifted his head back up and their lips met. As they pulled away from each other, he placed an affectionate hand on her cheek.

“How’s your head?”

“I’ll survive.”

“I’m glad,” he quipped. “You think you can handle some breakfast?”

“Worth a try.”

“Okay, once Luke opens up, we can head downstairs. Then let’s go home?” he proposed.

“Yeah. Sounds like a plan,” she said, almost wistful. “Let’s go home.”

[purplesurveys]

1137

created by: allwrongx - Bzoink

Do you have a bookshelf? If so, just one or how many? I don’t, actually. I have the most books out of everyone in the family, but they’re all either lined up or stacked in random points in my room because of said lack of shelves. Currently, I have three groups of books strategically placed around my room.

If you answered yes to the above, are your books ordered in a special way? Just by height since I have a lot of tall books like encyclopedias as well as smaller-sized novels and pocketbooks.

Have you ever owned action figures? I have a couple of wrestling action figures and I want to keep collecting more if my financial situation ever permits it in the future.

Why did you last smile? Andrew Ilnyckyj finally has a new cooking videoooooooo, which is the main BuzzFeed content I watch these days. I think his last one had been posted in January, so I’ve been feeling pretty starved for some new Andrew content.

Do you have a close relationship with your immediate family? I’m not close with them in that I don’t feel shy about kissing/hugging them or confiding in them; my family are not those people for me. But like we don’t fight (anymore) and we’re able to have pleasant talks over dinner, which is as close as I’d possibly ever get with them. 

Idk, we were ultimately never able to cultivate an emotionally strong relationship with one another, which I’ll always feel bittersweet about; but at least I now have a blueprint of how I’d want to build my relationships within my family, should I ever have one of my own.

If I gave you twenty bucks what would you do with it? Use it to pay my sister for the drawing commission I asked her to make. My total bill comes up to around that amount, anyway.

If dinosaurs could be tamed, would you want one as a pet? Nope, they can stay in the wild.

Do you crack your knuckles, neck or toes constantly? I crack my knuckles the most and my ankles as well. Never my neck and toes.

Are you constantly catching colds or other sicknesses? No, I rarely get sick.

Is there a movie from your childhood that you still watch today? I do an annual Toy Story rewatch because it’s my absoluete favorite kid’s movie. I will also always be in the mood to watch The Game Plan, which I watched every single weekday after coming home from school in like the 3rd grade.

Have you ever seen The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Nope but this has been on my list for years. Just never gotten around to downloading it and finally seeing it for myself.

Where do you do most of your shopping? I usually go to small, independent businesses that sell trendy pieces for a lot less, but I also drop by H&M from time to time. Once I feel secure enough with my savings I also wanna be able to start shopping from Zalora because they have really nice brands over there as well, haha.

Are you afraid of mice? I don’t imagine I would be since they’re tiny and cute. I’m afraid of house rats, though, especially considering how big they can get D:

What type of souvenir do you usually purchase when on vacation? I typically don’t get souvenirs for myself, but this is also because I’ve never traveled solo. My family collects magnets from all the different places we’ve been to though (and also from my dad’s work travels), so our fridge doors are filled with them. 

Do you vacation often? Yeah, my family would usually take 3-5 trips a year, usually around the country and sometimes out of; but of course we’ve had to put a stop to it since the pandemic blew up.

Are you comfortable wearing your pajamas in public places? The only place I’d be comfortable doing so is at the nearby McDonald’s, since I’ve seen residents from my village come in there wearing their PJs or housewear. Otherwise no, I’d rather dress up.

What's your favorite candy bar? Twix!!!!!!!! And while they’re not technically bar-shaped, I love Reese’s Cups too.

Do you own more than one copy or edition of a book? Hahaha yeah. I have two copies of Twilight (one is from my boxed set, another was given to me by a childhood friend, Maryrose) and Breaking Dawn (one is also from my boxed set, while the other one is the special white cover edition given to me by Angela).

If you could see any musical on Broadway right now, what would it be? Miss Saigon. That’s the only musical I’m into.

If you could put any person or characters face on money, whose would it be? I definitely want to see a woman’s face on a dollar bill or coin sometime in the future. < Oh man, this is a pretty good answer. We do already have women in our P500 and P1000 bills, but they’re accompanied by men :/ It’d be neat to see a woman take over a bill/coin all on her own, like Gabriela Silang.

The place that you'd most like to be right now is where? God I really wish I were out in a coffee shop right now but I have to saveeeeee. I’ve been meaning to check out this nearby cafe that also doubles as a co-working space (which means I can do work there without feeling guilty or anxious that I’m taking too much time there, yay), and I might visit next week.

Do large crowds make you anxious? Depends on what the context is. If I find myself in the middle of a stampede that’s quickly going ugly then I will definitely start to panic; but if I’m at, say, a concert, then personally a bigger crowd means a better experience for me.

Do you own a helmet of any sorts? None of my own, but we do have a helmet for our bike.

Will you willingly sing in front of other people besides your family? No unless a huge sum of money is up for grabs, lmao. I’ve only sang in public once, when my mom made me do a solo number on my 7th birthday.

What's in the box? Yeah, I’m not feeling creative enough for this question...

Does your family generally decorate for most holidays? No, only for Christmas.

Would you take the chance to be Nancy Drew or The Hardy Boys for a day? Eh, I’d pass up on the offer. Mystery isn’t my thing.

Do you eat soup when you're sick? No. I prefer to drink lots of water as I usually lose my appetite when I’m sick anyway.

Is there a specific mug or coffee cup that you have to use all of the time? I don’t have to use it, but I’m in love with the mug Angela gave me just this past Christmas. I use it all the time now.

Have you ever watched Doctor Who? No, but I don’t think it’s my kind of genre or show.

If so, what do you think is the scariest creature yet?

Do you prefer to do your shopping online or in person? If I already have an idea of what I want to get, I prefer to get it in person. But if I need something oddly specific and have no idea where to start, that’s when I start to look for online shops or go to Shopee or Lazada altogether.

If you read, which book or series did you enjoy most as a child? Angie Sage, with her Septimus Heap series.

Do you read tour guide type books before you visit places? It’s been a while since I’ve traveled extensively, and when I was younger I didn’t really read into tourist guides. Now that I’m older, I do want to start reading up before visiting a different country – not necessarily about the best places to visit, but more about the culture and practices I have to observe. I remember being reprimanded by a Korean when I tried to snap a photo of something I saw while out in public in Jeju, and I don’t want to do something like that again.

Would you please belt out a few song lyrics here? AND IF YOU TRY TO FIND ME NOOOOW I’M IN ALL THE ECHOES THAT HAVE FAAAADED OUT soooo!!! I’M MOVING ON CAUSE I JUST WANT TO FEEL FOR ONCE THAT I BELONG, THAT’S WHAT GOING ON

How do you get rid of your hiccups? I hold my breath, which is a trick taught to me by my mom. Not always effective, but it does work sometimes.

Is there one saying that you've adopted from someone/somewhere else? I’ve picked up “Awesome!” which was Gabie’s catchphrase. My former director also liked saying “Anywhoooooo” when she wants to digress, and I’ve since adopted that into my vocabulary and mannerisms as well.

Can you lie effectively and smoothly? Yes, but I feel like shit every time I have to.

Do you buy Halloween candy when it's on sale after the holiday? No, I don’t enjoy candy anyway.

Why is your favorite teacher your favorite? She taught beyond her curriculum - music, which isn’t even part of my top 30 favorite subjects - and always made sure to inject a little bit of useful life advice in all her lessons.

Who can never fail to make you laugh? Hans.

Do you agree with the "they're just being kids" excuse? No, especially if the kids in question are already 16/17 year olds.

How many pets have you had in your lifetime? Countless goldfish, one chick, one rabbit, one cat, two birds, and two dogs.

Were you ever afraid of monsters under your bed? Sure. Still am occasionally, heh.

Would you kindly recommend your favorite movie to me? Two for the Road shows a realistic take on love told through cars and a non-linear tour around Southern Europe. If you’re into that and Audrey Hepburn’s pretty outfits in each scene, definitely check it out.

[forgedirons]

              *     so  like.  yeah.  it  me,  cc.  i  can’t  read,  spell,  or  write  –  &  yet  i  joined  this  anyway  because  i  am  are  in  love  with  you  all.  anyway.

❛           𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐫𝐬     ›     𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐁𝐄𝐀𝐔     .  

the   communication's   chair   of   the   yale's   elite,   they're   twenty-two   and   a   senior   undergrad   student   majoring   in   print   journalism.   they   are   as   vigilant   as   they   are   importunate.

blackmail  :

(i).  despite claiming to be a journalist that holds the truth over everything, she's being paid off by an embezzling official & keeping the funds for her own personal spending. 

(ii).  she won her current internship by sabotaging her competitors with “strategic investigating”, which she then used against them by creating a gossip buzz under an anonymous pseudonym. 

(iii). death tw: claims that her parents passed away her freshman year of undergrad and uses it as a way to avoid talking about how they’re in prison ( & how it’s her testimony that landed them there ).

 ❛           𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬     ›     𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒     .    

you  wear  sorrow  well,  grief  is  not  a  compliment  –  nor  is  it  to  be  romanticized.  your  heart’s  always  been  broken  &  you  doubt  it  was  ever  whole  to  begin  with.  behind  closed  eyes,  maroon  rose  petals  fall  onto  a  fresh  blanket  of  white  snow;  your  fingers  are  pricked  by  the  thorns  while  you  open  your  eyes  to  the  flickering  lamp  in  your  room.  cloaked  in  shadows,  red  string  is  strung  across  a  board,  connecting  clues  that  nobody  else  but  you  seems  to  see.  you  are  meant  for  so  much  more  than  this  run  down  shack,  you’ve  always  told  yourself  this  –  you  wonder  if  anyone  else  is  listening  (  but,  you’ve  always  been  alone;  your  words  have  always  bounced  back  onto  your  own  skin  ).

 ❛           𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐝𝐨𝐦    ›     𝐅𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐒     .  

                           ✧  *   core  

↠  full  name  .  isabeau  hwang  . ↠ nickname(s)  /  alias(es)  /   title(s)  .  (  off  brand  )  nancy  drew,  isa,  is,  beau  . ↠  age  /  dob  .  twenty  -  two  /  march,  19  . ↠  hometown  .  ?  idk?  kansas  somewhere  . ↠  current  location  .  yale  idk  what  city  it’s  in  don’t  @  me  . ↠  ethnicity  .  korean  . ↠  nationality  .  american  . ↠  gender .  cis  gender  woman  . ↠  pronouns .  she  /  her  . ↠  orientation  .  bisexual  ,  grayromantic  . ↠  occupation  .  undergraduate  student  . ↠  face  claim  .  kim  sojung  (  sowon  )  .

       ✧  *   countenance

↠  height  .  five  feet,  eight  inches  (  172  cm  ) ↠  build .  slim,  well  toned  but  tall  –  slim  /  athletic. ↠  tattoos  .  be  good,  on  the  inside  of  her  left  middle  finger.  also,  this.  ↠  piercings  .  ears  . ↠  scars  .  a  couple,  none  too  prominent  . ↠  hair .  kept  long  &  though  she  seems  to  sport  a  different  color  every  year  since  arriving  on  campus,  she’s  recently  dyed  it  back  to  a  natural  shade  of  black.  it’s  always  in  place  &  always  styled  neatly,  whether  it’s  pulled  back  or  curled  (  to  pretentiously  imperfectly  perfection  )  . ↠  eyes  .  dark  brown  &  often  inquisitive,  like  she’s  trying  to  solve  a  riddle  that  nobody  else  is  in  on  except  herself.  half  of  the  time,  they’re  hidden  behind  gold  -  rimmed  glasses  that  look  a  little  too  expensive  for  someone  of  her  background,  but  she  otherwise  wears  contacts.  has  really  bad  vision,  though,  &  is  a  blind  bitch  . ↠  clothing  style  .  best  described  as  business  casual,  semi-formal,  professional  but  make  it  chic.  lots  of  skirts,  lots  of  turtlenecks,  long  coats  &  expensive  fabrics  that  all  coordinate  to  make  her  look  either  like  she  just  walked  out  of  a  dark  academia  novel  or  a  meeting  with  the  president  of  the  school  where  she  did  nothing  but  argue.  very  rarely  seen  in  sweats  or  anything  “bummy”  –  maybe  she  cares  too  much  about  her  image. ↠  usual  expression  .  resting  bitch  face  –  but  promote  it.  she  just  looks  unapproachable  in  general,  her  usual  expression  is  something  between  disgust  &  apathy,  it  makes  her  look  like  she’s  consistently  looking  at  her  surroundings  &  being  very  displeased  with  everything  around  her  (  it’s  because  she  made  the  face  too  much  as  a  kid,  now  it’s  stuck  that  way  )  . ↠  speech  .  elegant  &  well  -  thought  out.  everything  she  says  sounds  like  it’s  rehearsed  &  practiced,  like  she  wakes  up  in  the  morning  &  writes  a  script  for  her  entire  day.  she  very  obviously  thinks  before  she  speaks,  always,  &  tries  to  sound  like  she  looks,  but  catch  her  without  anyone  around  &  she  speaks  a  lot  like  the  trailer  trash  she  really  is  . ↠  distinguishing  features  .  intense  eyes  that  make  her  look  like  she  always  knows  someone’s  secret,  the  slight  lopsided  grin  –  she  might  be  smirking  or  maybe  she  just  knows  something  you  don’t,  finely  shaped  eyebrows  idk  dude

       ✧  *  ruminations    

↠  (  +  )  positive .  vigilant  ,  heedful  ,  aspiring ↠  (  -  )  negative  .  importunate  ,  reckless  ,  impetuous ↠  moral  alignment  .  true  neutral  -  neutral  evil ↠  likes  .  her  designated  corner  of  the  library  –  especially  late  at  night  when  she  can  sigh  super  loudly  without  anyone  glaring  at  her,  iced  americanos  but  only  on  rainy  days  &  only  on  rainy  days  where  she  wears  her  glasses,  the  feeling  &  the  smell  of  solid  cash,  putting  together  the  pieces  of  a  puzzle  that  she’s  been  working  on  for  a  long  time  (  investigations  or  not  ),  stargazing  but  only  on  beaches  &  only  during  the  wintertime  . ↠  dislikes  .  any  other  journalist  ever,  any  pop  beverages  (  because  she  also  doesn’t  like  to  burp ),  the  smell  of  chlorine  or  gasoline  or  freshly  cut  grass,  being  touched  by  strangers  in  any  sort  of  instance,  waking  up  before  ten  in  the  morning  (  staying  up  until  10  am  however,  different  story  ),  know  it  all  TA’s,  professors  who  can’t  debate  her  for  more  than  fifteen  minutes ↠  quirks  .  always  has  a  small,  moleskin  notebook  on  her  person  that  she’ll  pull  out  to  write  little  notes  in,  has  amazing  penmanship,  speaking  of  –  only  ever  writes  in  pen  &  never  uses  anything  else  to  write,  squints  &  digs  her  front  teeth  into  her  tongue  when  she’s  really  focusing  on  something  . ↠  hobbies  .  disappearing  for  long  periods  of  time  just  to  resurface  &  act  like  nothing  happened  (  solving  mysteries,  like  nancy  drew  ),  being  the  first  to  let  her  opinion  be  heard  by  anyone  who  happens  to  be  nearby,  starting  fights  &  finishing  them  by  cheating.

❛           𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫  𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲     ›     𝐂𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐋𝐄     .

trigger  warnings : death  ,  lots  of  illegal  activity

       ✧  *  ISABEAU.

        *     she’s  born  to  a  wanted  pair  .  with  bounties  &  rewards  attached  to  their  mugshots,  they  bring  a  baby  into  the  world  &  decide  to  bring  her  along  for  the  ride.  named  isabeau,  her  first  memory  is  watching  the  door  while  her  parents  count  money  on  a  motel  bed  behind  her.  her  first  word  is  “fuck!”  while  she  rides  in  the  backseat  of  a  stolen  pick  up  truck,  a  toddler  clutching  a  stolen  baby  toy  while  wearing  clothes  that  definitely  don’t  belong  to  her.  whether  it’s  inherited  or  not,  she  grasps  greed  &  holds  it  as  her  biggest  sin.  much  like  her  father,  in  that  aspect  –  there’s  nothing  more  she  craves  than  having  more.  more  money,  more  lust,  more  power,  more  reputation  –  more,  more,  more.  it  sits  in  her  gut  like  a  waning  hunger  she’ll  never  get  rid  of  –  but,  she  doesn’t  know  what  to  call  it  for  almost  her  entire  life. 

she’s  not  the  eldest  of  the  crew.  her  sister  is  three  years  older  than  her  &  much  more  kind  than  anyone  else  in  the  family  will  ever  be.  where  isabeau  takes  after  their  parents  (  often  described  as  ruthless,  greedy,  selfish  &  reckless  ),  pippa  was  her  own  person  through  &  through.  she  was  soft,  &  sweet,  &  she  always  did  what  was  right.  though,  she  was  raised  to  believe  that  lying  to  the  police  was  right,  &  that  stealing  in  the  supermarkets  was  the  right  thing  to  do.  growing  up,  though,  isabeau  always  sort  of  knew  that  it  was  really  just  her  &  pippa  against  the  world.  their  parents,  however  eccentric,  were  often  absent  &  left  them  alone  for  days  on  end  –  only  to  return  with  more  trouble  on  their  hands.

eventually,  they  decided  to  settle  in  buttcrack  nowhere,  kansas  in  the  smallest,  shittiest  trailer  park  they  could  find.  it  was  one  small  trailer  that  kept  the  hwang  family  together;  isabeau  &  pippa  sleeping  on  a  couch  -  turned  -  bed,  their  parents  on  the  big  one  in  the  back.  she  gets  enrolled  in  school  &  is  taught  to  never  tell  anyone  who  her  parents  are  or  what  they  do  for  a  living  (  which,  including  robbery,  dealing,  blackmailing,  etc.  is  a  lot  )  otherwise  she’ll  get  in  a  lot  of  trouble.  but  isabeau  is  a  curious  girl,  she  watches  everything  unfold  in  front  of  her  &  always  wants  to  know  more  (  &  more,  &  more,  &  more  ).

one  of  the  brightest  of  her  class  in  the  small  town,  she  grows  to  be  somewhat  of  a  nancy  drew.  people  of  the  town  know  her,  they  give  her  their  problems  &  missing  cats  &  disappearing  letters  &  mismatched  shoes  to  solve.  isabeau,  no  matter  how  troubled,  is  smart  &  the  townspeople  know  it.  looking  back  on  it,  she’ll  always  remark  that  they  were  trying  to  help  her,  but  she  only  ever  saw  it  as  something  to  do.  her  biggest  case,  finding  a  missing  girl  in  the  seventh  grade  –  her  smallest  case,  finding  a  coin  purse  that  someone  misplaced.

in  eighth  grade,  she  starts  her  own  newspaper  at  school  where  she  publishes  stories  of  her  investigations.  initially,  it’s  just  something  to  keep  her  at  school  longer  (  because,  home  isn’t  really  where  she  wants  to  be  –  she’s  old  enough  now  to  realize  home  isn’t  home  ),  but  she  learns  how  good  she  is  at  it.  creating  pieces,  interviewing  people,  just,  plain  writing  –  it’s  her  thing.  her  english  teacher  (  mrs.  kenningston  )  encourages  her  &  gets  her  a  freelance  spot  with  the  town  newspaper.

things  are  great  for  isabeau  in  high  school.  she’s  popular,  editor  of  the  school  newspaper,  amateur  detective  &  freelance  reporter  for  the  town  newspaper.  her  goal  is  to  get  out  of  town,  to  get  far  away  from  her  family  &  become  some  sort  of  lois  lane.  freshman  year,  her  sister  graduates  high  school  &  is  set  to  go  to  ksu  –  before  sophomore  year,  isabeau’s  burying  her  sister  in  the  graveyard  of  a  town  they  both  hated.  a  freak  accident,  the  newspaper  reports  –  &  for  a  month,  everyone  believes  it.  but,  sophomore  year  starts  &  isabeau  anonymously  testifies  against  her  parents  in  court;  their  recklessness,  along  with  their  shady  dealings  led  to  the  death  of  not  only  pippa,  but  a  group  of  graduated  teenagers  in  town.  the  hwang  parents  go  away  for  life  on  isabeau’s  testimony,  &  she’s  never  seen  in  town  again. 

by  dumb  luck,  she’s  adopted  into  a  middle-class  family  somewhere  in  vermont  &  sent  to  a  very  good  school  that  looks  very  good  on  her  transcripts.  she  goes  into  overdrive  trying  to  bury  her  past,  carefully  crafting  herself  a  new  identity  with  each  year  that  passes  in  her  high  school  career.  things  get  buried,  people  are  swayed  –  isabeau  hwang  isn’t  the  same  isabeau  hwang  from  that  small  town  in  kansas  who  saved  a  group  of  children,  she  isn’t  the  isabeau  hwang  who  befriended  the  unfriendly  folks  on  the  outskirts  of  town  that  people  thought  were  possessed.  isabeau  hwang  from  vermont  is  a  very  lucky  girl  with  a  troubling  past  she  doesn’t  talk  about,  but  manages  to  graduate  top  of  her  class  with  offers  from  three  ivy  league  colleges  &  every  other  school  she  applied  to.  that’s  all  she  offers,  that’s  all  most  people  know.

at  yale,  she  works  even  harder  to  maintain  her  reputation.  she’s  the  girl  who’ll  go  places,  a  poor  girl  who’ll  get  into  yale’s  elites,  the  girl  who  nobody  wants  to  argue  with.  on  campus,  she’s  loud,  she’s  opinionated  &  she’s  (  or,  thinks  she’s  )  powerful.  a  member  of  the  school  newspaper,  her  pieces  are  quick  to  be  published  &  even  quicker  to  gain  traction.  isabeau,  a  nosy  investigator  at  heart,  chooses  to  publish  stories  that  grab  attention  &  often  expose  a  thing  or  two  –  she  gains  a  small  following  just  because  she  tends  to  always  know  a  thing  or  two  about  a  thing  or  two.

it’s  obvious  she  had  her  eye  set  on  the  elites  from  the  moment  she  stepped  foot  onto  campus,  &  after  fighting  tooth  &  nail  to  gain  a  reputation  (  as  an  opinionated,  over�� -  achieving,  pretentious  shrew  of  a  person  ),  she  argues  her  way  into  the  elites.  in  her  own  words,  it’s  much  better  to  have  her  on  their  side  rather  than  have  her  against  them  (  empty  threat,  what  she  gonna  do,  she  have  no  money  really  ).  at  the  moment,  it  looks  like  she’s  really  gotten  everything  she’s  dreamed  of  –  but  isabeau  hwang  deals  in  greed,  &  all  she  wants  now  is  more,  more,  more

[carolinesbookworld]

tagged by @kabeswaters and @swellwriting <3

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? very similar to @fortisfiliae #stressedanddepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? Harrison Osterfield

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? prepare for disaster

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? um...idk my boyfriend knows basically everything about me sooooooo

what’s your wake up ritual? wake up, turn off alarm (bc with this at-home learning stuff i’ve been waking up like literally 1 min before my alarm goes off???), text good morning to my bf, snapchat, discord bc moonlit fam talks allll night, tumblr, get out of bed, wash face, get dressed, coffee and breakfast it’s very specific

what’s your go to bed ritual? wash glasses and face bc my skin is soo oily by the end of the day so you best believe my glasses be needing washing everyday, shower, say goodnight to fam, text bf for like 15 mins or until he says goodnight, turn alarm on, plug in phone, go to sleep

what’s your favorite time of day? morning but specifically from 7:30 until 9  

your go to for having a good laugh? FRIENDS as in the show

dream country to visit? Australia bc my dad once got to hold a baby koala there and i wanna do that so bad

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? so my family moved before my sophomore year so me and my bff started trying to surprise each other whenever one of us came to visit and the weekend of my birthday, she skypes me as she’s walking around what i thought was her house and then i start hearing an echo and next thing i know she’s standing in the doorway of my room and that was pretty much the best surprise ever

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers converse

vintage or new? new but i love vintage aesthetic i just couldn’t live with it

who do you want to write your obituary? karli @swellwriting bc she is my brain twin and i would be mocking her horrible grammar and spelling from my grave and we would both get a good laugh about it in the afterlife

style icon? the mom i babysit for haha she’s like one of my best friends tho which sounds really weird but it’s true

what are three things you cannot live without? books, dogs, days that are exactly 65 degrees

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? um idk chocolate??

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? Sarah J. Maas, Eddie Redmayne, my boyfriend bc i haven’t had dinner with him for 47 days

what’s your biggest fear in life? losing the people i love...and spiders

window or aisle seat? window bc aisle makes me anxious that i’m in people’s way

what’s your current tv obsession? the cw’s nancy drew it’s so good please go watch it

favorite app? instagram, discord, or tumblr, depends on my mood

secret talent? um idk i can draw very realistic portraits of people when i take the time to

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? okay so technically this wasn’t me who did it but i was part of the adventure. when me and my boyfriend were just “friends” ie. liked each other and knew we liked each other but were too scared to admit it. anyway, we had this elaborate plan to shave our youth group leader’s head if we were able to bring in a certain amount of food for the food drive during vbs week. so yeah we spent like three days planning the whole thing out and then decided to go price shopping at walmart with all of our younger siblings bc we needed supervision or something lol to see how many individual things of food we could buy with $20 each we ended up just getting like 20 huge boxes of ramen and then his sister ended up throwing up so we took her home and then went back to church where my car was parked but instead of turning to get to church my boyfriend decides to go straight through the stop light (it was green okay) and spontaneously drive up into the foothills. well we get to the top of the foothills and we’re at the lake and we all get out to look at the city and my boyfriend claims that we need to document this moment so he takes a selfie with all of us and we somehow ended up right next to each other in it and i only found this out like three months ago (this happened back in june) that he only took the picture because he wanted one of us together in case we didn’t start dating lol so sweet and yeah, that was a very long story but i needed context instead of just saying “yeah we drove up a mountain”

how would you define yourself in three words? loyal, anxious, passionate

favorite piece of clothing you own? this dark coral dress that makes my eyes and hair look really pretty

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? i want to be able to project my thoughts into someone else’s mind bc i’m so bad at explaining stuff sometimes especially when it comes to how i feel

what’s inspiring you in life right now? ACOTAR series by Sarah J. Maas, highly recommend

best piece of advice you’ve received? opening up to more than one person is important because if you lose that person then you’ve lost all your support

best advice you’d give your teenage self? the friends who have stuck around this long are the ones you want to hang onto and the ones that you need are the ones you don’t always see

a book everyone should read? The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

what would you like to be remembered for? being a crazy dog mama

how do you define beauty? confidence in yourself and not caring what others think about you

what do you love most about your body? my metabolism

best way to take a rest/decompress? open a window to feel the breeze and listen to Islands by Hey Ocean! which is so calming to me

favorite place to view art? nature or tumblr

if your life was a song, what would the title be? we’re going with a fob/p!atd theme here and calling it “depression screwed me over so i screwed it back and ended up worse off”

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? probably on my forearm or by my left hip

dolphins or koalas? koalas did i mention that i want to hold a baby koala

what’s an animal that represents you? great dane puppy ie. very excitable but will also take a four hour nap when tired

best gift you’ve ever received? my best friend made this photo collage for me when i moved that is hanging in my room and it has a bunch of pictures of me and her over the years and i just love it

best gift you’ve given? for christmas i gave my boyfriend a hammock and the bookshelf addition of clue, two things he had no idea i would remember him mentioning and his face was priceless. also i made my mom a cake for her birthday this year and she was so happy and said it made her feel very special <3

what’s your favorite board game? clue or ticket to ride (specifically nordic countries)

what’s your favorite color? currently a pale turquoise

least favorite color? any shade of light brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore bc i don’t wear makeup enough to validate buying designer, also i don’t really care

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee coffee cof-

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? palindrome is wild because it means a word spelled the same way forwards and backwards but it itself is not one such word

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? summer but like, only june

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? panera mac n cheese

a dessert you don’t like? red velvet cake which btw is not red-colored chocolate cake as many would have you believe

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing

best thing to happen to you today? i got to put all of my new plants in my windowsill and i named one of them (its name is albert in case you were wondering)

worst thing to happen to you today? idk today’s been pretty good as far as quarantine goes

best compliment you’ve ever received? my boyfriend calls me beautiful all the time and he always reminds me that that is describing looks and personality

favorite smell? coffee or my boyfriend’s sweatshirt for the week after i steal it

hugs or kisses? can i choose both?? depends on my mood mostly but i guess hugs if i just had to pick one

if you made a documentary, would it be about? literally anything relating to the mcu

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? a court of wings and ruin by sjm

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? literally any female in the teen wolf cast

how do you know you’re in love? hahahaha haha what's love

a song you can listen to on repeat? we fall apart by we as human or uma thurman by fob

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? idk my boyfriend probably, this is something we have discussed in depth

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? for life to go back to normal

tagging @finnofamerica @woakiees @beskarjedi @outerlacy @swanimagines hahahahaha have funnnnn this took me an hour to answer

[charmedslayer]

✨ + /tagged/mine

okay this got really long.... i think i’m gonna do a read more.... fucked up when i did that the first time so not doing that again

okay so... i hadn't actually planned to do this ask game... which is why i hadn't reblogged the original post going around tumblr. i was thinking about it though and now you've asked me so i guess i'm doing this lol. (though if anyone else asks i got this like 2 days ago idk if other people are answering faster but yeah i might take 1-3 days depending on how many people ask me and if i make them all as long as this one which i doubt will be a lot).

omg so i decided to go to your archive to try to see like all your gifs and saw this:

... so like i did not look at all 638 gifsets you've made but i did look at a hell of a lot of your gifs and did scroll till i reached the first gifs you’ve made. i decided to not look at any shows i'm not watching/plan to watch/am behind on so as to avoid spoilers. so i still probably looked at hundreds of your gifs and here are my top 7 (yes i'm cheating but like 4 of them have similar styles of coloring so i'm gonna group those together cause i really didn't wanna cut any of them out cause they're so nice) and also 2 honorable mentions at the end cause i wanted to lol.

and i know no one else has done it like this but i'm gonna cause i feel it'll be nice to see one of the gifs from the gifset alongside my comment. so without further ado here they are (in no particular order):

Top 5 7:

1. Day 12 ❣ Liz Ortecho (Roswell New Mexico)

Damn that gif looks smoooooth and so vibrantly red! I really love your coloring here and especially how it makes the red pop, especially in this particular gif.

2.  Day 20 ❣ Maeve Wiley (Sex Education)

So much pink! I love all the pink you’ve got in this gifset, the paler pinks to the hotter pinks! It all works together really well. (I remember when watching Sex Education I thought omg with all that pink that keeps popping up i could (should) totally make a gifset but i never did and i have a thousand gif ideas before I run out so idk if i ever will make one).

3.  Day 6 ❣ Love Quinn (You)

Who doesn’t love a pale set? Lovely gifset you’ve made there. (First pun actually not intended and completely accidental.) Seriously it’s really nice, I’m not sure I can really do pale gifsets i think they’re kinda hard so really good job there. (also omg i only just realised now after putting the name of your gifsets that all but 1 of the gifsets i chose are from your 366 characters in 2020 series, totally by coincidence though cause seriously i looked at nearly all of your edits.)

4/5/6/7: I really like the contrast of drained color for face or background + like 1 or 2 colors for the rest of the gifs.

4. #31 ❣ Clary Fray (Shadowhunters)

I really love the emphasis on her hair due to the lack of background color but that you also still get to see some color in her clothes and the lighting. Love the orangey/yellowy coloring paired with drained colors in this set. Also really love this gif below having full color but still matching with the rest of the gifset, the yellow lighting/coloring looks very nice:

5. characters i adore 👑 in 2019 ✔ Cheryl Blossom

Black & white with only red in color is a classic for a reason. Seriously just loving these drained color with a splash of color sets. Keep making more of these!

6. Day 1 ❣ Macy Vaughn (charmed)

Pretty in Pink! Again love all the pink like the Maeve set, ranging from paler pinks to hotter pinks plus combining the drained coloring in this gif. Very nice!

7.  Day 4 ❣ Nancy Drew (Nancy Drew)

What more can I say about my love for these b&w/color gifset? Oh I know, why don’t they have more notes??? And keep making them!!

Honorable mentions: Nice vibrant Riverdale gifsets (thedaysoffuturepast . nl /tagged/riverdaleedit)

Nancy Wheeler in every episode (thedaysoffuturepast . nl /tagged/nweps)

PS: what is up with your username being stargirl-courtney but your url being thedaysoffuturepast . nl ??? was very confused thinking either you’d changed your username since sending your ask or that I had the wrong blog and was looking at the wrong gifs.

edit: wouldn’t show up in tag cause i linked to your edit tags for the honorable mentions nope still won’t show up... i hate tumblr not letting us put links to like anything in our posts...

SEND ME A ✨+ THE LINK TO YOUR CREATIONS AND I’LL ANSWER WITH MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE EDITS OF YOURS!

[thesilentspyawaits]

I have finished MID and I have thoughts

This review/thought thingy will NOT be spoiler-free so please be aware of that! Before I put anything under the cut though, I wanted to point out one thing. I think I’ve said this before but I’m a beta tester for the ND games and we had the option in SEPTEMBER (an actual month before the game was to be out for pre-order) to come in and test the puzzles (I’m currently studying abroad so I couldn’t go) but we were told we were not going to have the option to get the actual beta version of the game so... I don’t think it was actually ever beta tested??? Maybe I’ll make a post about it idk we’ll see anyway here are my thoughts/comments: 

I’m just going to say the things that I love right off the bat and not go into too much detail about those: 

Voice Acting 

Lots of Characters/NPCs

Most of the plot

The ghosts especially when they were running around in the tunnels, that was super cool and a few scared me 

That nostalgic feeling

Here are the things I didn’t like about the game and I’ll go into some details: 

ASH: This was a knock-off version of Alibi in Ashes with some Ghost of Thornton hall mixed in you can’t change my mind 

Graphics: I don’t want to go too much into it. They sucked. I have a Macbook and tried to turn the graphics up (this helped a lot) but my game go so slow and my computer crashed a lot so I turned them down 

Lots of Characters: I know I said I loved how many characters there were, but I felt like we never got the time to know them. The game was about the same amount of time as the older ones so I think that’s the reason why we never got to really know any of them. I have no idea what the motives were for anything, I learned no background about the characters, Jason and Mei seemed forced, I wanted more info about the young Coven group, I basically just wanted more from each character especially Alicia and the Judge. They could have easily been taken out of the game in my personal opinion. I think if the game was longer it would have been a LOT better. 

Dialogue/not a lot of puzzles: My favourite part of the game was when Mei and Nancy had to figure out how to get out of that small room because it was just a big puzzle and I really liked the puzzle with Frank/Joe/Deirdre in the basement of the Hathorne House! But the dialogue just seemed so... yikes. It was also annoying that we couldn’t work on multiple puzzles at the same time. It felt very linear that way. I also think a lot of people back in 2015 when they did that survey said they wanted more puzzles in the games. I think having six characters instead of four and having more puzzles would have been a lot better. Something similar to Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon! That’s SUCH a good game because of the characters and the puzzles! 

Characters in general: Why the FUCK did they have like no facial movements??? Besides their mouths which were not in sync with the words a lot of the time?? Why the fuck was the judge so sad 25/8? Why was Teegan stuck in t-pose the entire game??? Why did they move so much? They were so unnatural and awkward???? I honestly just like... why???? Also NONE OF THEM BLINKED 99% OF THE TIME! Deirdre was the wORST! I stared at her for like two minutes and she never blinked. She was by far the worst looking one which sucked since she was behind us a lot during the game which I thought was very annoying. 

Glitches: Oh my goshhhh I had so many little bugs and glitches. Frank’s feet were in the ground so many times, Nancy wasn’t sitting in her chair part of the time, the characters’ arms would clip through them I think at one point Joe’s arm just went straight through his face. I also had to shut my game down more than once in order to progress in a puzzle it was just not good 

Ned: PUT NED IN THE FUCKING GAME YOU COWARDS! And why were him and Nancy fighting so much???? It doesn’t make sense! It added nothing to the game!! 

Frank: He was so awkward??? Did not seem like Frank Hardy at all I was very concerned 

Other stuff: I hated the text. I have ADHD and space out sometimes and I loved how in the old games I could scroll up so I could remember shit. It also isn’t good for hard of hearing or deaf fans or other people who may need the text to read since it would get cut off. I was not very impressed with the world. I thought the upstairs part of the library was really weird, it seemed way too big for no reason. Lauren should have been living in the Hathrone house instead of next to it. Also the Hathrone house and the Perry house have the same layout. Two rooms on the ground floor, only one place you could access upstairs. It was a bigger world, but I would have enjoyed a smaller world with more areas to explore in the world. The ending was just chaos too. So much talking. I missed the letter at the end too! I hated that we had to go say goodbye to everyone?

Finally, I was confused a lot. Some of the dialogue didn’t make sense, there weren’t a lot of hints, the puzzles needed a lot more explaining than they were providing us, and I didn’t notice things until Nancy told us (the picture we got of Lauren, Olivia, and Teegan, didn’t realize I had to look at it). There was just a lot of things that left me saying “what” and it was really frustrating. I was pretty much done with the game by the end. 

In conclusion: I would have preferred waiting another year for a REALLY good Nancy Drew game (why did this one feel so... rushed?) Or just stuck with the old point-n-click version! There wasn’t anything wrong with the point-n-click version! I think it would have been easier for them to just add in six characters instead of the traditional 4, put in some more difficult puzzles and like three more than usual, and make the game a little bit longer! 

I am really worried HeR won’t be able to recover from this which sucks but I hope they learn and are able to grow and we get some better games in the future! I gave the game a fair shot and... I wasn’t impressed. Especially after they hyped it up like crazy and we had to wait so long. 5/10 sorry and if you’re thinking about buying the game, I say do it. I actually really liked feeling nostalgic and my little brother and I were talking about it and it was like the good old days! It brought me back and made me happy for some weird reason?

[lingeringscars]

🎰! u can include ben n aud n theo if u would LIKE

Send 🎰 for me to put our muses into a random list generator then post the first five as potential ships! // always accepting !!

melinda may x el hopper. u know what.... this strangely works. I know .... nothing about the marvel comics and know u r comic based for all your muses so idk if u know anything about aos BUT may is a shield agent who works especially w/ inhumans and alien lifeform protecting them / capturing when needed and also may + kids is .....a hecking lot because of her backstory and trauma so her being extra protective of el considering everything that has ever happened w/ her and inhuman children.....thanks.....

stef adams foster x james barnes. see above re marvel comics but stef is a cop so they could maybe interact??? idk?? i think they have a similar personality and might butt heads but ....friends? 

jane rizzoli x evan buckley. all i have to say is yes tbqh. cop & a firefighter so they’d probably interact. she’d tease the hell out of him and they would be best buds too thanks

christian ozera x nancy drew. i added nancy too love u. this dynamic would be a lot. tbt to that time christian hid away w/ a concussion to go after lissa bc she was in danger. v big chaotic energy between these two. they push and push and are always looking for answers / curious as hell. 2 of my all time faves.

jake jagielski x theo. there are just so many things i don’t know and yet i really do want it right now, mace?? i think bc jake would be a soft hufflepuff i do believe even tho i am apparently v into human!jake interacting w/ those that are Not human and shaking them to their core ://// 

callie adams foster x claire lombardi. i just have Feelings about them almost being opposites but callie probably being able to understand her and why she reacts the way she does even if she doesn’t agree w/ acting out of envy / jealousy v much and has called mariana out on this ( mariana & claire would therefore also be a lot ). tell me more about her bc this seems promising 

ryan edwards x lydia martin. i’m love it lmao. mostly i am truly just laughing. did i ever tell u i started writing ryan significantly before i started watching tw like at least a year of not longer tbh. i’ve written him for so long that dylan is just his face but he is so so different from stiles. anyway, could still be a lot bc ryan + constant validation of others and just being Present all the time. 

lady lola x cj hook. mmkay i cannot believe that i as a human am about to Say This but i in fact think they should date. lola being from auradon already and cj sneaking in and just sneaking around is a lot lmao. i just think they’d push each other and it would be Nice that’s all. 

Special Mention: i also got jasmine x josie and would like to say that something for them is in my drafts and i already love them Most thank u

[onceuponamirror]

nancy drew thoughts!

so as a disclaimer, i read a few of these books as a kid, and more so religiously played the computer games. in terms of that content being turned into a cw tv show, i feel like that amount of background information is valid, lmao 

overall: it wasn't the best pilot i've seen, a lot of information dumping, a bit plodding and tedious, and it seemed like the cold open was really important but i was also confused. and i thought it really could use some more humor---not what the books are known for, but honestly i'm getting tired of deeply morose teen dramas. (like, i think i enjoy watching sabrina so much because it does have a string of wry wit and some brevity in the campiness) (largely coming from zelda, but) (anyway)

“darkness” word count: so far, just the one. but i got my eye on you 

literally dark scenes: too many. had to turn off the lights. a lot of riverdale adjacent cinematography when i wanted more weirdo small fishing town things. but again, just a pilot.  

other than that, i thought it seems like it'll possibly be a fun watch. mysteries when the point is contained, serial mystery and not just throwing everything at the wall are always good at harnessing multiple genre elements. so i see potential here. the books often veer towards supernatural only to have a sharp pivot when nancy proves it's not, so i'm not entirely sure how they'll work it out from all the ghosts she's seen (and we the audience have "seen") but i expect them to, for now. 

it’s also interesting to pit core book characters as suspects with individual motives and few else. it feels like a move without a whole lot of teeth--on the other hand, it’s nice to introduce nancy’s generations-old friendships as strangers as it lets us engage more with them. however, it puts the spotlight on ol what’shisname, but idk. anyway, watch him be actually a hardy boy. (not joking)

casting: george is great. she was funny and snarky and lightened up a lot of scenes. bess is a worse veronica, i hope she grows on me because i was distracted by how little her face moves. she did have a funny moment tho! i heard the dad was supposed to be freddie prinze jr originally and it’s a real shame, he would’ve brought a lot more energy and charm to the role. sorry, stunt-casting-dad-i-don’t-recognize

the nancy casting was pretty strong, i felt like the actress did a good job at bringing to life a decades old titular character and making her feel young and modern. she seems like she could straddle intense and funny and i can def see her growing into the role. i also like her being an ex-popular-possibly-mean-girl because that’s a really interesting spin on Famous Blonde Characters For 300, Alex

that being said, i also feel like i pictured lili doing this role a few times---betty references nancy drew many times and it’s obviously a recurring theme, but i always felt like that was the role really best suited to both lili and betty. alas, that’s obviously not a thing, so whatever lol 

the ned/nick casting was fine, but the romance felt blah for me; rarely does it bode well for a couple when they open a series as together. it just doesn’t give you anything to root for, anything to follow, so i don’t think it was a good move if the intent is to create #ships (which is obviously what drives fandoms, lbr, and what the cw is always after) (but mysteries are really nancy's true love!)

basically: as a procedural so far it's real bad lmao, there's tons of elements that are glaringly bizarre from even a standard-tv-legality pov, but i guess the whole point that drives the nancy series in general is that the police are absolutely inept, and that's why nancy's there in the first place. 

but again, pilots have lots of squeaky rushed moments. and, as a mystery cw show, as long as it doesn’t dawdle too long in “darkness” copouts, i think it might be fun! worth coming back to and giving some more episodes a go, for sure.

[vote-loki]

long post sorry

late at night time to talk about some dumb shit that fucked me up emotionally because my first therapist wouldn’t and my new therapist hasn’t got there yet. 

Anyway, the way the school system treats bullies is so fucked. Like from 1st to 5th grade, and a little bit into middle school (but then it was mostly in mean instagram dm’s by anon accounts which is why I deleted my instagram from middle school) I was bullied, and it wasn’t like severe, until I made my first instagram in sixth grade cause DM’s are BRUTAL. But it was enough you know? It’s like, I don’t remember what they said but I remember feeling horrible about it. Like I remember one specific event where this girl who had been friends with me (that stopped she got her glasses off and the kids who hated me decided she was pretty) kept asking me “do you want a boyfriend” and I was like....idk eight and my older sisters had set a big enough example for me to know that I wanted NONE of that, so I kept saying no. And after about five minutes of that she decided, that YES I DID want a boyfriend and kept pushing and I finally was like “listen, lucy, I said no” but I was eight so it was probably “I DONT WANNA BF” and like, when I finally got her to leave me alone she went and told the kids that hated me that I was a dyke and they called me that for maybe six months until a teacher made them “stop swearing” they didn’t get in trouble for calling another student that. 

Or once in fifth grade this girl was making fun of me for wearing shorts. Something along the lines of “if my legs were as long and ugly as yours I’d never wear shorts. God your legs are so ugly, you’re ugly what the fuck.” and again, that’s not exactly what she said, we were ten, but she was pushing that my legs were too long, they were ugly, and I was ugly by extension. AND she kept saying my shorts we ugly, like yeah they were hand me downs from my sisters, we were a little poor my bad. And when I told my teacher she was told to “knock it off” and that’s all she got. Like, I had told my teachers about it, my mom and grandmother had called the school about me getting picked on like that, by best friends mom called because they picked on her for being friends with me, and they didn’t ever get in trouble for that. 

Those are two specific instances that I remember, and the only other one that sticks out to me was in fifth grade we did a thing called the wax museum where we dressed up as book characters, and I went as Nancy Drew because I’d just read that book, and when kids would go through they’d tap us and we’d come to life, summarize our story, and go back to wax. And so I went into the classroom to unstack a chair for my booth because I had a broken foot, and my sister had done my makeup all fancy so I looked 60′s and chic and this kid I hated was in there and I heard him say under his breath to his friend who were in there doing idk ten year old boy things (probably getting chairs too) “Is that cassie? why is she pretty? she’s usually ugly” and then when I was telling some kids I was kind of friends about it I said “I think hunter has a crush on me in this makeup” and one of them said “no way he has a crush on YOU” and so I shut up about it and that’s not really bullying, but it’s like.....not good for one’s self esteem. 

Anyway I’m not writing this as like a pity party, I genuinely just wanna vent, and like my point that school treats bullies like kings. When I was in fifth grade, maybe a week or so before school got out one of the girls who spent time making sure I knew I was ugly had gotten hit in the face with a ball, and her glasses were slightly crooked, and I said “hey Katie, are you okay? I saw you get hit in the face, it made your glasses crooked” and she told the teacher I was bullying her and I got sent to the office and had to explain that entire interaction and they gave me a warning. A warning. For asking someone if they were okay and telling them “your glasses are crooked” BECAUSE THEY’D JUST GOT HIT IN THE FACE WITH A BALL. 

And it’s not like “all kids are special” that’s not my point. My point is, treating kids like they’re above everyone else by continuing to allow them to bully, and then punishing the kid who was bullied for asking someone if they’re okay allows that behavior to continue into adulthood. Bullies don’t age out of bullying, they continue to be bullies and their behavior just gets worse. Like I never reported the instagram dm’s to my school because they were anon accounts, and I knew that nothing would happen if I said anything anyway. Like idk school systems treat bullies like what they’re doing is absolutely nothing but if anyone even so much thinks about marijuana they’re suspended.  Like idk bullying fucks kids up emotionally and ruins their self esteem unless they have a decent support system, and even then , it can severely mess kids up and schools just like give kids a slap on the wrist for it. The instagram dm’s didn’t bother me because they’re like.....not real I guess, but the fucking.....mean ass kids, that still upsets me it’s like.... I wasn’t an ugly child why did I get picked on specifically huh? Bullying makes zero sense and that’s that.