#idk what their deal was but they just were not feeling anything

[a1750s]

Hello there! I see you take requests. Do you like oddly specific ones about a character? I hope you do, but if you don't, it's okay! :D

Cale with someone who gets stronger every time they shed blood out of their body. It doesn't matter how, as long as their soul and physique recognizes her body being hurt like hell, she would be stronger, so they get littered with scars all over their body, plus they've lived many different lifetimes with this kind of ability. She basically cannot die even if she wanted to. It's not like she doesn't feel pain, she does, but she's used to it. She just somehow dies whenever she turns 20 years of age. She doesn't have to do anything at all, she'll just die and wither like an old flower. I'd imagine she was the same age as Cale. Ahhh, I really want to formulate this into a fanfic, but idk how to 🥹. Like, the misunderstanding and dynamics I'd like to create with TCF's wonderful characters are all over my mind. I really want the squad to worry abt her like crazy like wdym you are DYING? Ohhhh also the platonic relationship with the kids ☹️ I love them so so much. If you do take this request to mind, I don't mind seeing how you play and write with it? Have I also mentioned how lovely your writing style is? 🩷

I'm sorry for yapping (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

It is my pleasure to take your request! It takes me a week to finally be free to be able to write this. I hope this will not disappoint you!

Your Last

Pairing: Cale Henituse x fem reader (establishing)

Genre: Slight angst + fluff

TW: mentioned of death, bleeding, self-harm

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

You rolled your eyes. You have no energy to deal with any of this bullsh*t.

"Let's get this over."

You stated but the guards behind you shoved you down on the ground.

"Move! Don't speak, witch. No one wants to hear your voice."

"Yeah, yeah."

It seemed like the guards got triggered by your nonchalance; he kicked your gut repeatedly. You coughed out blood after that and glared at him. He just gave you an ugly smirk.

The guards pulled you up again, even when you were in pain, before they put your head under the guillotine.

'Ah, finally. I could die.'

After this, you won't be seeing this world again. Thankfully. This world is the worst world you have been living in.

You don't want to wait until 20 years old because it is too long; another 3 years of suffering in this world is not worth it. So, let's just die now.

"Die! Die!"

You smiled at the chanting of the citizens below. You wanted to laugh. Oh yeah, trust the saintess bit*h and their world is doomed to fall. You didn't care at all. What you want is to die right here, right now.

This is not your original world after all. Why would you care?

"The execution will begin!"

The announcer started. The chanting didn't stop and you just enjoyed your final moment.

"Any last words?"

You opened your eyes and looked at everyone. At the front, you could see the bit*h smiling behind her hands.

You smirked and winked.

"May you live in hell."

The sound of the guillotine resounded after the abrupt exclamation of yours, sending a pit of wrath towards all.

Your head was separated from your body, leaving a mess of blood on the wooden platform. The cheers resonated around after your death and you could say this is what you wish for.

You wished to open your eyes in a new world, and a new body.

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

But you hear something similar. What deja vu is this?

"Huh?"

You opened your eyes to see the same surroundings a few minutes before your death.

"Move!"

You were in disarray. You are supposed to be dead, right? So what is this? Are you dreaming of dying a few minutes ago? Is that just an illusion?

You feel the same texture of guillotine on your neck.

"Any last words?"

You blinked but you shrugged afterwards. Eh, you must be daydreaming just now.

"May you live in hell."

You repeated the same sentence and the big sharp blade sliced through your neck, leaving a mess of blood and your head rolling.

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

"Okay, what the fu*k?!"

"Move!"

What is this? What the fu*k is this? You died! You are supposed to be dead! So why are you repeating the same things again?!

"Any last words?"

You didn't say anything, and you died.

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

"Any last words?"

Head rolling, blood pooling. You died.

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

"Any last words?"

Head rolling, blood pooling. You died.

"Kill the witch!"

"Peace to our country!"

"Die! Die!"

"Any last words?"

You had enough.

You thought, you would just get to another life like before if you died now. But apparently, no. You are dead wrong.

You can't die, no matter what, before the age of 20. If you ever encountered an inevitable death situation, you would be rewinded back to a few minutes before your death.

Such a tragedy, you just learned.

A tragedy after your continuous reincarnation.

•••••

10

You look at the blue, transparent screen in front of you with a dull look.

Your gaze didn't change while looking at the countdown. The countdown that signified your time in this world.

9

"Hey, do you hear what I am talking about?"

8

"I.. I'm sorry."

"What?"

7

"Why did you look like that? Like you are about to die hahaha."

6

"Oi, you scared me here, [Name]."

5

"I want to say, 'Let's meet again' but I know it is impossible."

"Huh?"

4

"Because this is a goodbye."

3

"What do you mean? We have finished everything, and there is no danger anymore. Where did you want to go now? Don't tell me that you want to do something stupid like stabbing yourself again."

1

"Won't you say happy birthday to me? I am already 20 now."

You smiled, but the person in front of you was frowning.

0

"[Name]?"

"[Name]!"

The person in front of you—who you have been bonding over in this world, who you have been going through together in this world for years, who you needed to leave behind—was looking at you with a face of horror upon seeing your disappearing figure.

Like a withering flower.

You smile for the last time at him.

'It is fine. They won't remember me anymore. They can live peacefully without remembering me.'

You closed your eyes, readying yourself for a new world. An unknown world where you would be reborn into.

A cycle that you have been going through, who knows how many times? You don't remember because there have been too many and in the first place, you don't have a good memory.

A curse that fell upon you.

To die by the age of 20.

And reborn in another world with your memories.

Again. And again.

'I should have not getting attach.'

However, that is your weakness.

Even after getting hurt multiple times.

Even after you knew the inevitable.

Yes, you are tired but what can you do?

This curse, no one would be able to break it because you yourself don't know when it began. You don't even remember your origin anymore.

You prayed before; you prayed to let your curse be broken, to end this suffering, this endless cycle, this torture.

If ever someone could, if ever...

•••••

"What do you mean you have found a body bleeding in the middle of the sea?"

The man with red hair frowned while looking at the beautiful lady with blue hair from the whale tribe. Besides her, there was her brother.

"It is true, young master. I thought she was a mermaid but I was wrong. I don't know to whom we should bring her to get treatment."

"She has been injured by mermaid poison; that's why we thought it was better to inform you rather than anyone else."

Both siblings explained. The red-haired Cale Henituse pinched his forehead. They just finished bombing an island and treating Ron, who came back injured. He thought he would get his rest and not come back here, but he got a call from these royal whales instead.

With the saying that they found a human's body in the middle of the sea.

Cale let out a sigh.

Even if he wanted to know why him of all people, he already knew the answer. He was the one who knew the whale tribe to this extent. Also, the person the whales found might be an enemy.

"Show me the way."

Cale can't do anything but settle this matter quickly. He needed to know if you were an enemy or just someone innocent.

-Human, I could smell a really strong blood stench.

"Cale-nim, there is much blood. I could smell it."

Cale frowned even more. How much bleeding do you have? Does the whale already treat the mermaid poison on you?

Whitira and Paseton lead the way towards a cabin. After opening it, something sharp was thrown their way. Whitira caught it effortlessly.

"Looks like you are awake."

The short exchange made Cale flinch slightly. Choi Han immediately stood protectively in front of Cale.

All of them entered the cabin. His face was decorated once more with a frown when he finally could smell something rotten and bloody.

"Who are you."

Your voice was calm, unlike the way you attacked them with—what is the thing you have thrown just now?—oh a chair leg that you have broken.

You are still on the bed, looking at all of them with an observant eye.

"Who are you."

You repeated, demanding an answer but no one spoke even a word.

Sigh.

They could hear you let out a sigh before you moved. Choi Han and Whitira raised their guards, ready to protect if you ever make an attempt to hurt any of them.

You rose slowly from the bed, letting the blanket that covered your body fall to the floor, and there it is. The bleeding scars on your legs and body. Most of it has been bandaged, but the blood is still seeping through it.

Cale noted that the mermaid poison mentioned by Paseton has been healed. Could be the act of these whales.

You stood up wobbly, trying to keep your body from falling. You let out a sigh again when you could feel the throbbing feeling each time you moved from the wounds on your body.

"Good."

You whispered slowly. You could feel the pain and it is a good thing for you.

"Cale-nim."

-Human, she is becoming stronger!

"She feels strong."

Both the black dragon and the swordmaster told him. But what does Raon mean by you becoming stronger? Right now? While bleeding like this? How?

Your gaze fell on each person, one by one, before you tilted your head.

"Are you the one who saved me?"

You questioned because, as you remembered, you should be in the sea.

"Yes, we are. We found you bleeding in the sea."

The woman with blue hair told you.

You looked down on your legs; there should be mermaid poison in you.

You subconsciously clicked your tongue.

"Ah, that's why it didn't hurt anymore."

You wanted to feel the way the mermaid poison burned your skin, but it looks like the poison has been removed. What a shame.

"Thank you. What do you want as compensation?"

Whitira looked at her brother. Paseton just shrugged. She then looked at Cale, and he also shrugged.

"Well, we don't need anything. We just need to know your identity and how you ended up in the sea with these injuries."

"Information, I see."

You uttered slowly. But why did they want to know? Well, it is not like it would harm you.

"I'm [Name]. I picked a fight with the mermaids because they pissed me off."

You told the truth with a straight face.

"Are you crazy?"

You turned your head at the red head at the back of everyone. He seemed flustered after your gaze landed on him. Well, he unintentionally said that out loud.

"That's rude. But I don't take that to heart, pretty boy."

Cale blinked his eyes at the nickname.

"If we are finished here, I'd like to go now. Thank you again for dragging me out of the sea."

You stepped forward before you fell face first on the floor.

The loud thud startled them. You groaned.

-Human, she is weird.

'I know, right.'

Cale agreed with Raon this time.

•••••

That is how you ended up with Cale Henituse and the gang.

Honestly, you don't know why you stay with them this long, though. It has been over a year since that first meeting, and a war is approaching, according to Cale.

"What are you doing?"

You looked back to see the red head, which the first time you saw him, he had short hair. Now his hair has gotten longer. You once asked him why he didn't cut it, and he told you it was a hassle to cut it.

But wouldn't it be more of a hassle to take care of it if it was longer?

You really don't understand him.

"Uh. Eating."

"Is that leaves?"

Cale saw the green thing in your hand, but you quickly hid it.

Sniff. Sniff.

"It is a poisonous plant, nya!"

You jumped when Hong suddenly stood beside you, sniffing the leaves in your possession. Da*n it, he snitched on you!

You looked at Cale and he gave you a deadpan look.

"You EAT a poisonous plant, [Name]?"

"I.. uh.. it's your fault!"

Cale crossed his arms. Hong was happily munching on your leaves. On reprimanded him to not eat too much.

"I didn't prevent you from eating what Beacrox cooked, though."

"You didn't let me touch a knife or dagger anymore."

Ah. Cale nodded in understanding and, at the same time not.

"If not, you would try to hurt yourself when we are not looking. What with you and your obsession with bleeding?" Are you suicidal?

"I'm not suicidal; I know what you are thinking about, William!"

Oh yeah, Cale didn't believe you at all. Why? Because before, every time you were left alone and they met you again, they would smell blood on you and another cut on your body.

At first, he was concerned that you were harming yourself.

After you repeated it multiple times, he chose to ask you directly, and your answer is ridiculous.

"I would get stronger by bleeding."

See, who, even in their right mind would think what you said was true? That is why he took the precaution to not let you get close to any sharp objects. However sometimes you would find a way to injure yourself one way or another.

Now, you are eating a poisonous plant.

"You are crazy. And my name is Cale; how many times have I told you?"

"Nom, no, I'm not, nom."

You shoved more leaves into your mouth.

"Weird human, stop eating that! It is not good for you!"

Raon snatched away your poisonous plants and teleported them—who knows where.

"Hey, that's mine, chubby dragon!"

You felt betrayed by the act of betrayal.

"No, eat this and stop calling me that! My name is Raon Miru!"

"I don't—umph!"

Raon forcefully shoved an apple pie into your mouth. You have no choice but to munch on it. After you finished one, he shoved more and more until you felt like your stomach was about to burst.

You shook your head at the chubby dragon.

"I can't eat anymore."

"Ah, okay. Am I doing good, human?"

Raon looked at Cale with anticipating eyes. Cale gave him a pat on the head.

"Good job, Raon."

His wings fluttered. Cale gazed at your slumped figure on the couch, who has been abused by apple pies truly by the mighty dragon, Raon Miru. The kittens leisurely laid their bodies on yours.

'Well, at least now she won't be eating anything suspicious.'

Cale sat next to you, looking at you from above to below. Scars decorate your face, neck, and hands. Under your clothes, he knew that there were more.

He didn't know where you got those or if you were the one who inflicted them yourself. But he hopes you won't do anything dangerous anymore. Since everyone would be worried.

Like trying to jump from the third floor.

Or trying to jump in front of spar between Choi Han and Hannah.

Or asking him to slap you.

All of those mentioned happened yesterday.

"Why are you looking at me like that, Stephen?"

You eyed him, who didn't take his eyes off of you. Your hands have found ways to gently caress the kittens.

"Nothing."

Cale broke his eye contact with yours and picked a cookie to eat.

"And it's Cale, not William or Stephen."

This is one thing about you. You are terribly, impossibly, and frustratingly bad at remembering names.

"Hey, I want one, Bob."

Cale sighed before he glanced at you, raising his half-eaten cookie, and you nodded. You opened your mouth, and without delay, he just put his cookie in your mouth.

"Why did you give me yours?"

You munched on it slowly. He froze, finally registering what he had done. That's right, why did he give you his already-eating cookie but not a new one instead?

"Does it matter to you?"

Cale asked, feeling like you hated this simple gesture.

Your eyes met his before you shook your head.

"No, just asking."

Somehow, his tense shoulders relaxed completely. He hummed and continued to munch on the cookie. Occasionally feeding you guys when you or the children are asking.

He may not have noticed yet, but the others had. The simple gesture of his, which he never made towards anyone else but you.

When he realizes later, he didn't mind this kind of fleeting moment with you. A simple gesture showed how he felt. He didn't hate it; he just didn't want it to be known to you. At least until he's certain of what you feel.

•••••

It is a normal day in the Super Rock Villa, like usual. A day where they didn't need to do anything and just rested.

"Eruhaben-nim, where is [Name]?"

The golden dragon raised his head from the tea cup to look at the swordmaster.

"She said she'd be in her room; you might need to go and check on her."

"Ah, yes. I need her help anyway. Thank you, Eruhaben-nim."

Eruhaben just nodded. Choi Han strolled towards your own room. At first, you wanted your room to be far from everyone, but Cale prevented it. Because he knew something would happen if he let you stay far away from them. So, Cale made a decision to place you beside Ron's room.

Choi Han needed your help to do something. After hearing what Eruhaben said, he was sure you were not doing anything right now. Might as well occupy you with something else rather than make you occupied with the thought of doing something dangerous.

He arrived at your door and was about to knock, but something—your voice from inside—halted his movement. He was static, and his expression changed.

"Ah, harder, please."

"You are so demanding."

The shade of his face completely changed after he also heard Cale's voice from inside.

"You should, uh, move faster, ah. That feels good, Cale."

"I'm surprised you finally said my name correctly at this moment."

"Hey, hey, don't stop!"

"My hands are hurting already."

"Just a little bit more, please. You are so good at this."

"I know."

"One more time, please?"

"No, [Name]. You should rest now."

"But—"

"No, or I will not help you again with this."

"You are so cruel after making me addicted to your touch."

"It's not my fault you are into this kind of thing."

Choi Han didn't know what to do besides dashing away from there and disappearing. He went to the training ground to train and get out of all he heard just now. With a determined face, he trains without stopping until night.

In your room...

"Yes, yes, right there. Oh God!"

Sigh. Cale let out a sigh.

"Amazing, you are becoming stronger, weird human!"

"Really, Raon?"

"Yes, human! Every time you do that, she will become stronger! How did you do it? Teach me, weird human!"

Cale pushed his fingers more, getting a satisfying sound from you.

"Chubby dragon, this is something you can't learn. Ah, yes, Cale, there."

Raon doesn't understand, but he won't give up on learning your secret.

"Still, I don't like that you would need to get stronger by getting hurt, nya."

Hong wagged his tail and rubbed his face on your leg.

"Erm, that is something I can't help with, though."

"Then don't get hurt intentionally, nya."

On tap your leg with her paw.

"Well, I...will try."

You looked at Cale, and he just shrugged with a smirk. One of your weaknesses—he just needs the children to tell you what they want, and you won't be able to reject it.

"Aww, can you do it a little more?"

You saw that Cale had already gotten up from the bed to go to the toilet to wash his hands.

"No, and don't move from the bed. Let the swelling lessen a bit."

You huffed and leaned your body against the headboard.

"How did you manage to sprain your ankle when we just left you for a minute?"

Cale came back from the toilet.

"Things happen."

He shook his head.

"Oh, by the way, I think I feel Ming just now. He must just come back from Harris Village."

He blinked. Who? He connected the word 'Harris village' with someone.

"Choi Han?"

"Yes, him. I thought he wanted something because he was standing in front of the door just now. I guess not."

"Maybe he has something else to do."

Cale shrugged.

"Hey, don't try to use your leg for a few days."

"Huh? But how am I supposed to walk?"

"No need, then."

The next day.

"Young master."

Cale's heart almost jumped out of his chest after his butler suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

"Ron?"

With his usual benign smile, the old butler darted his gaze at his youthful face.

"I am just a butler of yours, young master. However, I am also the one who has raised you since you were a baby."

'What with this old man now?' Cale can't help but feel uneasy.

"I am not trying to cross the line, young master. Nevertheless, I would like to remind you to not be too active with your shenanigans with Miss [Name]."

Cale tilted his head.

"It is inappropriate for unmarried men and women to stay in a closed room together. I advised you to be more subtle next time, young master."

Somehow, Cale was baffled by the word used by Ron. Why use 'subtle' instead of 'careful'? But why would they need to be careful, though?

"But we—" are not alone.

"I understand your spirit as a young man. I hope you take my words of advice, young master. I will excuse myself first."

Cale was left alone by the sudden advice from his butler.

"What with him?"

Hm, he guessed it was really not appropriate, huh? Well, maybe next time he needs to let the door open.

•••••

Boom!

"Your time is also wrapped. Why are there so many I found in this place?"

Clang!

The white-masked man with red hair was seeing you. Your sword clashed against his. You gritted your teeth.

"That's not my problem."

White Star swung his sword, impossibly fast, towards you.

"However, your time is interesting. You have been living for many lives, isn't it?"

"How did you—?! Ugh!"

You were taken aback by his declaration, something that no one is supposed to know.

You tried to parry his attack on you. When Choi Han joined you, both of you attacked at the same time.

"You are interesting. What's your name? Maybe we could meet again in our next lives."

You frowned. What bullsh*t does this sh*tty getup man was talking about? Why would you guys meet again in the next life?

"I should test you first."

He fastened his movements, making you unable to follow along. Each of his swings left your body with new wounds.

You gritted your teeth, and hatred filled your eyes when he easily defeated Choi Han and even Eruhaben-nim. But what baffled you the most was that he would keep coming at you.

It felt like he was testing your strength.

White Star grinned. He saw an opening and blasted an attack towards Cale, who was hugging Raon. Raon quickly activated the shield, and Eruhaben-nim also acted fast.

He saw you getting distracted and concerned about the red head. He used this opening to defeat you.

Pierce!

"How disappointing. You could become stronger like me if you use your strength wisely."

His sword of disaster has embedded through your flesh, slowly burning you from inside. His grin was becoming wider when he could feel something growing in you.

"[Name]!"

Cale widened his eyes when he saw the sword easily pierce through your body. Raon was agitated, wanting to go to you and save you.

"No, no, no. Weird humans can't die. If she dies, I will destroy the world!"

Cale grabbed onto Raon tightly; it'd be dangerous if Raon acted on impulse in this fit of rage.

He was also not any better.

He was in rage, seeing your body littered with injuries and blood. He was supposed to ensure your safety; he was supposed to make sure no one was injured or died.

"Anyone move, and she'd die now."

White Star's voice was making all of them angry. They could smell the flesh being burned—your flesh. Your trembling body was visible in their eyes.

Choi Han gritted his teeth. Somehow, the two dragons widened their eyes when they could sense something from you.

"Human."

-Cale.

Both Raon and Eruhaben talked to him at the same time.

"[Name] is becoming stronger."

-She is becoming stronger.

What? How?

"I would get stronger by bleeding."

He remembered what you said, but he thought that was just empty talk from you... Well, he might trust you 20% with those words.

But, with the clarification from two dragons, when you are bleeding like this, he is certain what you said was 100% the truth.

Then, does that mean you intentionally get stabbed?

He frowned.

"Hahahaha!!"

Your body is shaken by the way you are laughing. You grabbed the sword that was still inside you. The sword burned your hands.

"Are you done talking, white basta*d?"

'It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It's fu*king hurt like hell.'

It was hard to breathe. You would lose consciousness if you didn't use this chance to strike him.

You could feel power rising in you. Every time you were reborn in a new world as a baby, you would be left alone in an orphanage with no one, no relatives, and no parents. That's just how you are in your life.

Just like your age was reset to zero, your strength was also reset. The powers, the skills, and the abilities that you have from your previous worlds would be gone like dust, just like how your body would whither away.

It is a hassle. You once tried to not get involved in anything and separate yourself from the world to not get hurt again, but somehow, you got dragged into the world's problems. Like it was inevitable—something that has been written for you to intervene.

It is never easy to get stronger by bleeding and getting hurt. Obviously, it hurts to get hurt. But somehow, you needed to get used to this. If not, people you cherish in every world would die.

You'd rather die than them.

But you can't die, no matter what, before you reach 20.

"Now is my turn."

You grinned.

The more hurt you get, the stronger you become. The more you bleed, the stronger you become. It is a fu*ked-up ability of yours. You are sure that whoever gave you this curse of reincarnation was also the one who gave you this cursed ability.

You grabbed the sword tightly, and White Star was alarmed.

"What are you trying t—?"

"Ah, ah, wait for your turn, Mr. Mask."

You grabbed his face before landing a kick to his stomach. His grip on the sword is so tight, making it forcefully pulled out from you

You coughed out blood, but you kept grinning like a madman.

The blood wets your shirt, the blood feels hot against your body, and the blood makes you feel alive.

You ran after White Star to give him a good beating.

•••••

"[Name]!"

Your body was caught by Choi Han. White Star ran away right after he unleashed the Sky Attribute Ancient Power.

However, due to the injury you gave him, he just managed to land a few blows, which still resulted in Cale falling unconscious.

What a pain. Why is this man so stubborn about protecting everyone? You frowned upon seeing his bleeding face, which is now being carried by Eruhaben-nim.

The chubby dragon was crying without stopping and mumbling about world destruction.

"Are you guys okay? How is he?"

Right after you asked those questions, they glared at you. The approaching allies of Cale also couldn't help but gasp upon seeing your bleeding figure.

"Are you okay?! Let me heal you, Miss [Name]!"

Saint Jack was frantic. He quickly approached you to use his healing on you, but you raised your hand instead.

"Nevermind, I'm fine."

You grinned. You get a good beating just now; all your frustration is gone thanks to that white stuff.

"Don't joke around, [Name]."

The golden dragon's eyes turned slit. Sensing a dangerous aura from that ancient dragon, you shuddered.

"I am not joking! Just a little bleeding, and I fine. Besides, it does not hurt anymore!"

You started to flex your muscles, but what they saw were your wounds that kept pouring out blood from your body.

Their faces were turning into a frown every second you were moving your body.

"Stop moving around, weird human!"

Raon shouted at you, and you froze. He sniffed while glaring at you.

"Choi Han, don't let weird human do anything! Kind Jack, heal weird humans! Goldie Gramp, give weird human a healing potion! Let's go home now! You two, weak human and weird human are so stupid! Why are you guys always getting hurt? Sob."

Raon hid his face behind Eruhaben-nim's shoulder.

"Look, you make this little kid cry."

"I'm not a little kid! Sob."

Eruhaben just nodded at Choi Han, and Choi Han did the same before he scooped you from the ground.

"Ah, you don't need to—"

"[Name], stop moving."

Choi Han's black eyes met your own. You gulped and nodded obediently.

'So vicious.'

All of you begin to move somewhere else. Your head started to spin. Maybe you have lost too much blood more than you thought.

Well, it is fine, though. You wouldn't die from blood loss anyway.

"Ugh, I think I will fa—"

You fainted before you finished.

"Weird human!"

"Saint Jack, do something!"

"Yes! Yes!"

"Haa~ pitiful basta*d."

Eruhaben could just sigh.

•••••

"You are bleeding."

You turned away and hid your injury.

"I'm not!"

Cale frowned and pulled you to face him, pointing at your bleeding arm. It has a long trail of blood, which everyone would see at first glance.

"So, what is that?"

You avoided his gaze.

"Er, tomato sauce!"

"It smells like blood, nya."

"Just your imagination, Sherry."

"My name is On."

The silver kitten, On, had the same deadpan look as her guardian.

"[Name], please treat your wound and tell us if you have any more."

The black-haired swordmaster touched your arm carefully, avoiding your wound.

"Hansel, can you move your hand a little to the left?"

"Hm? Left?"

"Yes, right on top of the—aww!"

Cale pinched your cheek without mercy after he realized what you wanted Choi Han to do. You wanted Choi Han to press on your bleeding wound.

"Don't be crazy, [Name]."

"Aim noth cratzhy."

"It needs to be stitched."

Your eyes sparkled.

"Stitch?"

Cale opened his mouth and closed it again after seeing your expression.

'She is crazy. How did I like this crazy woman in the first place?'

"Ron."

"Yes, young master."

"Treat her wound carefully."

"As you wish, young master. Miss [Name], please follow me."

Ron looked at you with his benign smile, which sent a chill down your spine. He grabbed you, and you looked at Cale with pleading eyes. You don't want to get lectured again by Ron.

"You can't do this to me, Sebastian!"

Cale rolled his eyes. Who told you to step into danger every time a fight occurs? You would always find a way to intentionally injure yourself when there is a battle or fight they are doing.

He and everyone have had enough.

"Get my name right, and maybe I'll reconsider."

"That's cheating!"

"I'd never."

He shrugged and just saw you getting dragged away to get treatment by the assassin butler.

•••••

You blink and realization hits you.

The countdown has begun.

The countdown of your time in this world.

You just remembered. Again, it will be the same.

But, somehow, this time it feels more difficult to leave.

[88 days, 15 hours, 7 minutes, and 40 seconds]

Three months before your 20th birthday.

After a few days of the final war and the appearance of the Hunters, you completely forget about this inevitable thing of yours.

Your death.

"[Name]?"

"What?"

At this moment, they are all looking at you with a concerned expression.

"Are you okay, Miss [Name]? You are zoning out. We have called you many times."

You looked at Mary, then smiled.

"Ahaha, sorry, I was just lost in thought."

"Then tell us, weird human!"

You tilted your head.

"When is your birthday, nya?"

You blinked. Why this sudden question? Ah yes, they are talking about the birthday celebration for Lily, Cale's sister, in a few days.

They must be asking you because you have never told anyone before.

"Well, it is not important for you to know."

"No! We must know everyone's birthday so we can celebrate!"

"That's right, nya! We can do a big celebration at once, nya!"

Roan and Hong giddily said.

When looking at them, you can't help but tell the truth.

"Ah, then, in three months, right?"

"Right. We can make a celebration for [Name] now."

The mage, Rosalyn, and Mary uttered those. You hummed.

'Celebration?'

You wouldn't need any.

"You would turn 20. It feels like we just met not that long ago."

You smiled at Rosalyn.

"Then, how about we make a celebration for everyone who has a birthday in that month, nya? It would be easier that way, nya."

"I agree with noona, nya!"

"Me too! We can think from now on!"

There's no need, though; you wouldn't be able to attend it no matter what.

"We need cake!"

"Apple pie!"

"Maybe something healthy also."

The adults were smiling while looking at the enthusiastic children.

"We should ask everyone what they want so we can get them a gift."

Mary suggested it and was obviously supported by the children. They begin asking one by one, but most of the answers were 'Anything' and 'I don't mind'.

It must be good if you managed to celebrate with them. You never celebrated your birthday because you never told anyone about it. Well, when you did, it would be too late because the next year, you'd be dead.

That's why you don't need anything. You just want to stay.

"What about you, [Name]?"

But you can't. The cycle of torture needed to continue.

"[Name]?"

No matter what you do.

'I would die anyway.'

You leaned forward to take a cup of tea, straightening back to sip on it. However, the silence was making you weird out. When you raise your head, all of them are looking at you.

"Why are you guys looking at me like that?"

"What do you mean by that?"

You looked at Cale. Why does he look angry?

What did you say to make him and everyone else like this?

"You would die?"

You saw Lock's lips tremble while asking that. Your eyes widened. You said that out loud?

"Oh."

"What did you mean, 'oh'? Answer us, what do you mean by you would die anyway?"

The gold dragon frowned at you.

"That's a lie, right?"

"It is bad to lie, nya."

"You shouldn't talk about dying like that, nya."

You opened your mouth and closed it back. You shouldn't have slipped up like that. You are making the atmosphere somber. Why are you so hopeless like this?

In the first place, why are you getting attached again?

Why are you not learning from your mistake?

"[Name]."

"Yes, I would die."

You put the tea cup casually back on the table, looking at everyone.

"It is fine, though. This always happens."

"Are you crazy?"

The catchphrase of Cale when you are uttering something nonsense. Well, but not right now.

"Surprisingly, I should have by now. But I am telling the truth."

"Are you sick?"

"Do you have any illnesses?"

"Do you hide your injuries again?"

You shook your head.

"[Name]."

You looked at Cale. His face showed an obvious concerned.

Does he overlook something on you?

Does your tendency to harm yourself have something to do with your supposed death? What did he go wrong? Does he fail at looking at you to make you easily say about death like this?

Your tendency to harm yourself was always a concern for everyone. Your body continues to litter with small and big scars as days go by. He felt like he had failed in protecting you.

"Tell us."

However he knew something was amiss. Something he noticed about you. The way you always mentioned about not being able to die by continues to jump into danger for them. The way you sometimes exclude yourself when they are assembling together by locking yourself up in your room—like you wanted to create a distance from them.

Why did you do that?

"You always say that you won't die, no matter how grave your injury is. But now you told us you would die. There must be something you didn't tell us."

He was so sharp. Cale knew you were hiding something.

You let out a sigh. It has come to this. Better tell the truth. In the end, they wouldn't remember you anyway.

The cycle would continue.

When it is too much, you will forget about them too.

Your mouth was smooth. Every word you uttered contained truth. Your reincarnation, your immortality until you are 20, and your inevitable death at 20.

Their faces changed with each passing minute of your explanation.

"That's it."

You stopped and waited for their reaction. Honestly, you don't care much. You wanted to deny that you were not ready to leave this family people yet.

Because someone has managed to touch your frozen heart, which you never knew anyone could.

'What a shame.'

You thought to yourself: You have fantasized about having a love story of your own, but you wouldn't be able to, no matter what. You have always fantasized about your ideal partner, but no one has ever managed to melt your heart.

Until now. In this world, you don't know when it started.

You were deprived of affection and love. You wanted to feel the love of a partner. You do.

However, you knew you couldn't.

'He didn't see me that way anyway.'

What a shame. What a shame you fell for someone so affectionate and loved by many—which you also included.

What a shame. What a shame you had fallen for Cale Henituse, who loves everyone as his family.

"Ron."

His voice made you come back from your thoughts.

"Yes, young master."

"Call Cage. Also, Saint Jack. Now."

"Right away, young master."

"What are you trying to do?"

You asked him, baffled. He looked at you, and his unwavering reddish-brown eyes never not captivated you.

"You won't die."

"Did you hear what I just explained?"

"I did. And you wouldn't need to continue that cycle."

You widened your eyes.

"I will break your curse, [Name]."

"That's right! We will break your curse!"

"We have three months only; we need to work fast."

"We can put aside hunters; this matter is more important."

"True! I will do anything to help!"

"So, you must stay with us until the end, weird human!"

Raon scrunched his nose, surpassing himself from crying. On and Hong were by each of his side, looking at you with a sad expression which they would burst into tears at any moment.

All because how you speak about your continuous death like it is nothing.

All because how you speak about your reincarnation like you are numb to it.

All because of your non-concern expression of leaving them three months from now.

If you didn't tell them, would you just suddenly vanish? How would they continue living like that?

"You can't die, nya."

"I don't want you to die, nya."

Your eyes trembled.

"You won't die, [Name]. I promise."

You looked at Cale. So determined, so full of passion. When he wants something, he always makes sure to get it. That is just how he is.

Cale Henituse, how did he manage to knock on your heart so carefully yet strongly?

You had wished before. If ever there was someone who could break your curse, you would love them unconditionally.

Maybe this is your chance.

Maybe this is your last cycle.

Maybe this is the family you wished for.

Maybe your fantasy will eventually come true.

To make this your last.

[END?]

[mouseferretaliengirl69]

smiling friends as discord mods ; ☆

crazy ass idea

— glep (8/10 discord mod)

actions ☆

i think of him as the social media manager of the company and if mr. boss trusts him that much to maintain a positive image of the company online then being a discord mod would be a breeze

can control some semi-complicated stuff in the server like role-setting with reactions and unlocking different channels by reacting to a message, definitely improves this function if he thinks its faulty

^^^ any technical difficulties within the server are

takes being a discord mod pretty seriously yet he has the ability to be lighthearted about it sometimes

often mass bans people over spamming or any other offense without alerting everyone else, so like no context banning

^^^ ppl initially had a problem with it but then they lightened up a little when they noticed that those mass bans actually improved the server

^^^^ he still scares the shit out of everyone though

always online and monitoring the server

profile ☆

has definitely splurged money on discord nitro and those discord profile decor and effects

his profile would be decked tf out and follow a purple/green aesthetic

^^^ he has the clyde invaders icon skin and his account profile is purple

^^^^ idk if he has an anime girl pfp or not bc on one hand he would definitely have one but on the other hand he'd have a profile pic of a character he likes from a game.

one thing's for sure tho is that he never felt the need to change his discord profile picture unless he was in a server made for his job then he'd just change that server's profile pic to put his face and that's it lol

discord username is probably like theamazingGlep69 or something

his discord bio is definitely a random video game quote and that's it

his spotify, xbox, and steam account are the only things connected to his discord

extras ☆

always energized by those gamer-advertised energy drinks

^^^ no specific preference for like g-fuel or gamer supps or something he just grabs whatever he can get his grimy little hands on

selectively sends friend requests to people and never accepts friend requests from randos

^^^ in fact he INSISTS on being the one sending the friend requests to people instead of it being the other way around

^^^^ as a result he has less than 15 people on his friends list and he's happy with it

he definitely unadds ppl he hasn't spoken to in a while though to keep it ~fresh~ or something

— mr. boss (6/10 discord mod)

actions ☆

ok so like

he isn't TERRIBLE at modding he knows the basics

he's just very... lax. he's the type to not see anything wrong with spamming or other similar offenses just because he genuinely doesn't think it's a big deal

^^^ he'd be like oh what theyre just expressing themself idk

^^^^ or like when it comes to random ppl dming mods he'd be like idk what if they just wanted to ask a question but were too shy to do it in the main server YKWIM?????

he already lets his employees do what they want during their shifts so it wouldn't be very different in a discord server

because it's online, he already doesn't take it very seriously lol he'd just find any chaos amusing

it's like a giant group chat!!!!

BUT DESPITE ALL THAT, he's really good at organizing server events like giveaways and movie/game nights

he'd always make sure to make the events fun and accessible for everyone

as a result most of the server usually participates in the events

he's just not good at... moderation in general

he also doesn't enjoy the banning/warning ppl aspect bc it makes him feel really bad

profile ☆

he has an anime girl pfp and/or has matching pfps with ppl for a certain amount of time ONLY if they match his profile theme

his profile is a cutesy kawaii light pink anime girl aesthetic

^^^ he'd have the cat ears icon skin and his profile would be pink

^^^^ an evil part of me wants to say he has a sailor moon pfp

yes he also has discord nitro

what else will he do with the money he earns

he has cutesy kaomojis in his bio too and probably has the initial of someone in a text heart like < b 3 (b for brittney LOL)

only his spotify is connected to his profile

extras ☆

also brittney was his discord kitten

^^^ they had matching anime couple pfps

^^^^ they'd always vc

^^^^^ have fallen asleep on vc once

he uses cringe text faces like uwu or owo just bc he knows everyone hates it

^^^ he thrives off of the negativity idk

everyone in a server he moderates would probably feel the safest dming him out of every other mod

^^^ his dms r always open

ok so i know that he has normal ass headphones but hear me out. give him pink cat ear headphones. it's perfect

he has more than the usual amt of discord friends

he always has aesthetic ass discord statuses

has his online status set as idle bc its cuter

— allan red (7/10 discord mod)

actions ☆

he's the mod that everyone complains abt

definitely rewrites the rules and makes sure they're enforced at all times

he's the typa person to call someone out if they break the rules in any capacity

"@/feetlicker Please change your name, that is not appropriate"

"@/charlienipples No memes in general chat, go to #meme-channel."

unlike glep though, he gives a lot of context as to why he'd ban someone

^^^ maybe 2 much context

^^^^ in fact he very rarely bans ppl, the most he sends out is a very detailed warning in dms

always types in full sentences

most server members are afraid of dming him actually he's sorta intimidating

he definitely keeps the server in order but his reputation is just not the best

but he is very confrontational so if someone is causing a problem he isn't afraid of getting it dealt with

he's usually tagged during disputes bc he's level-headed enough to deal with them and offers good points

^^^ that doesn't stop others from thinking he's annoying though :((

very misunderstood but has good intentions

he has a set schedule on when he logs in and moderates, then gives himself free time

so basically he isn’t online all day

profile ☆

he’d have one of those blank discord profiles

like he’d make it normal-ish but he wouldn’t care too much abt sparkly text themes or connecting any of his other socials to it

uses a picture of himself as his icon and has a matching red background that is randomly generated by discord

^^^ (he didn’t pay for discord nitro)

^^^^ (everyone point and laugh)

^^^^^ (he just doesn’t find it necessary since he isn’t online THAT often)

his username is either his full name or a very absurd npc name (like scaryantelopes2536) theres no in-between

he never has a status set

clean profile but its boring to look at basically

extras ☆

takes online status very literally— if he doesn’t want to be disturbed, he puts dnd, if he’s online, he sets it as online, etc etc (so surprisingly very honest)

his profile pic looks professionally done in a studio then unfortunately it got very pixelated as a result of discord itself so its kinda funny looking

his friends list is only the 4 other ppl from smiling friends

doesn’t know or like brainrot or modern internet slang so when ppl say skibidi toilet or sigma rizz he genuinely has to get up and walk around outside to stay sane

is usually the one being trolled/pranked

IS the one that cringes at mr. boss using uwu or owo

— charlie dompler (5/10 discord mod)

actions ☆

HE'S THE TYPE TO be really good at it first then he'd lose interest

he'd get a high from it bruh

just the idea of having power would be enough to get him rolling

for the first couple months he'd be all up in the server channels being hella active

he'd stay up all night just moderating bc its exciting to give someone a warning if they act up or whatever

^^^ if he gets sleepy he drinks an energy drink

*someone fucks up in a server* "Ooh, oooh-- this is my favorite part, man. Watch, watch." *sends a 2 word dm to the person that just says 'warning One'* "Oh, haha! that--that was so fun."

yea he'd be riding on dopamine hits of doing good for the server

since he'd be sleep deprived he'd misspell a lot and send short answers so if someone asks why they were banned he'd give very short answers

"hey why was i banned lol" "bad" "what" "yeah"

i don't think he'd do much in the server other than moderate and make new channels

then he gets bored.

uh oh

all of a sudden he's very relaxed about everything so he would probably stop moderating so much

he would probably be doing the bare minimum now lol

5/10 bc he goes in and out of caring and not caring so i guess sometimes he's pretty good

discord is probably one of the only socials he is really active on

he would give himself dumbass roles just bc

profile ☆

some sort of meme/cursed profile icon with flaming sword icon skin

would definitely have an orange-themed profile in general bc he thinks its a color with an unfair reputation

every social he has will be linked to his damn profile

has a dumbass username

^^^ probably one of the only one of the 5 who doesn't use his real name on discord

^^^^ he would change his dn every once in a while JUST BC to be funny or something

its so stupid he would call himself the Poo Meister after letting a smooth one out

he's always on DND

uses his discord status to ask someone to play a game w him

extras ☆

he joins random meme servers just for the emotes

he's already a discord mod for like 3 servers rn and he's given up

he has a lot of online friends which is why he doesn't use his real name

he's always in a vc with someone

he's very very social online (i bet he has a popular twitter gimmick account too)

he made his current discord account when he was really young and he just stuck with the same one

he adds all the bots to servers he moderates bc he thinks he has amazing taste

— pim pimling (7/10 discord mod)

actions ☆

he would be the one doing all of the accouncements and questions of the day

he takes those jobs so serious

he types with caps on and uses encouraging gifs and emoticons (yes emojis too)

he never really moderates, he's the one just announcing things tbh he has a lot to say

even when he conveys bad news he'd do a little :P at the end just to soften the blow

(he's also the one who usually kindly lets people know why a certain mod banned them just in case said mod doesn't wanna elaborate)

his positivity pisses ppl off sometimes

don't shoot the messenger

he just logs in every morning, and writes a whole paragraph in announcements to wish everyone a happy day! then he types up the question of the day and logs off until the night

pim pimling is a very busy man

checks his notifs throughout the day tho (just in casies)

he just spreads positivity

one of the most important people in the server he's in at all times

he does intimidate ppl sometimes just bc of his role but he does try to be as not-intimidating as possible

if he's confronted on anything he does wrong he is quick to take responsibility for his actions

^^^ doesn't depend on the person's role, like if he bans someone's friend and the person pleads their case, he's very quick to apologize

^^^^ might cause him to be perceived as someone with no backbone but he's just very empathetic and understanding

profile ☆

his icon is definitely a picture of his face, probably some sort of cute selfie

similar to allan, he uses his full name in his discord dn and user

he does have nitro but he only uses it to change his discord background to a picture of nature

his bio would be long as shit. "Hi! (grin) I'm Pim Pimling and I'm 34 years old!" etc etc etc

^^^ definitely overshares in his bio too

has no socials attached to his profile at all

very straightforward profile

he uses his status a LOT to say the most random things?!>>W "Currently eating a bowl of cereal!"

extras ☆

he has a lot of people on his friends list bc despite everything ppl do have a soft spot for him

he had discord for a while like charlie did but he only ever used it to text friends and thats it

really interactive and responds quickly to dms

his dms r very open

he loves emoji reactions so much

he helps mr. boss with server events a lot

^^^ he also participates in every one

he likes using video calls in a vc

hallo ^w^ i just want to end this off by saying i now have an ask box to submit any headcanon requests if needed!! yayy

[herejusttosufferalong]

Hey, I am new to ur blog and totally love it!! Definitely my fav one on here & thank u for putting out ur perspective!

So, idk if this has been discussed here before (been here only for the past 2 days.. will deep dive into it🫡) but just wanted get some things off my chest as this blog seems to be a safe place to voice it out.

1. In one of their recent ivs with Kiss fm when asked about how to get out of the friendzone, he agrees to some extent with Nic, but when the interviewer said "just do a me & stay there", L was immediately jumped in to agree and looked visibly nervous, clearing his throat - this solidifies my opinion that he has feelings for her is and is afraid to confront them.

2. I may be reaching with this one, but I think the cast also knows what's up with them? Like Claudia keeps referring to herself as 3rd wheel, Johnny giving a teasing smile to LN when he talks about N and Luke T glancing at them while saying "fear of falling in love" & "oh, personal advice" when LN talked about insecurities.

3. Not to forget in the friendzone or love iv, she raises her brows & hits him with the paddle as of calling him out for sending "mixed message". Also, when she says "don't call me bro, pal or dude if u kiss me" seems to be directed at him. This is the only interview I couldn't get through cause the tension between them was seeping through the screen.

They definitely seem to have some kind of attraction towards each other but holding off for some reason (in some of the interviews they did prior to the promo tour, the ones they did indoors, he keeps giving her googly eyes & scanning her face with his eyes with a smirk & he wasn't like that with claudia. You can see N doing the same to him on some instances). My guess is that N has her guard up as she said she is cynical about love and probably decided to stay friends with him as it could affect their work life (but the maks slips off time and again). I believe that they caught feelings while filming s3 and it might've surprised both of them (remember, his break up with Jade also happened around the same time, she started dating someone else right after breakup so I cant help but notice how the timeline overlaps). He had just then got out of a LT relationship & probably they didn't want to act on his feelings. I am assuming all their bottled up emotions came out with full force once they reached the end of the promo.

From what I understand, they seem to be having an on/off relationship in terms of their feelings, very much like the ross & rachel dynamic he so often keeps mentioning (he said that Polin never get the timing right which is kinda untrue considering once C realised his love he got P, he seems to be talking about Nic & himself). I think the lines were really blurred & at this moment both of them are confused as to what/how they feel.

Now coming to him dating A, I think for him he believes dating A is safer cause he isn't going to lose anything there but with N if it doesnt work out he is going lose their friendship (like it happened with J for him). He really is like Colin & in L's own words, I hope he "gets some vision" & sees "what is right infront of him". For me, it looks he is probably lost right now & acting out cause he doesnt how to deal with his feelings for N.

Apologies for making it so long, I hope u find time to read it, but i had to get it out of my system cause its getting really tiresome to see people calling them disingenuous & questioning their friendship/love they have for each other & labelling it as PR/fake when in reality their dynamic seems too complicated.

First off, thank you and I really appreciate it!

Secondly, thank you for sharing, I pretty much agree with everything you said.

The only point I will add is in Brazil N mentioned that she used to be more cynical about love but that it was changing. Which was apparently a conversation that her and L had.

Then in the KISS interview she said that she loves love.

This is quite the progression. I'm interested to know what caused this change and why now? I have my suspicions...

[adarkroomandawallflower]

Just went to my first concert in 8 years & I'm so honored that it was Sleep Token. The crowd around me/in my section was awful, but Sleep Token were INCREDIBLE.

I haven't felt this alive or cried so much in a long time...thank you so very much Vessel, II, III, IV, & Espera 🖤

[earl-grey-crow]

it’s me, hi, I’m the white witch, it’s me

[needylittlegirl]

i really cant do anything ever i was just making my bed and i got lost in thought so now im crying

[welcometogrouchland]

May I ask about your Jason Todd idea? <3

Hm, okay so. How to lay this out sensitively since I know it might be a tad controversial...

Prefacing by saying I'm not an expert on the minutias of Jason characterization. I like him when he appears, I think the battle for the cowl/Morrison era and some parts of modern era for him are Weird and Bad, but I'm not Jason scholar (for that I'd say maybe check out @/tumblingxelian and their great video essays), I'm just trying to think of what might be an interesting step forward for him.

First, the canon facts

Jason got lobotomized and has panic disorder on steroids. By the end of Gotham War (specifically when Jason was. Flying the batplane into the asteroid. God I can't believe that's the plot) he was finding it in himself to power through said panics

In Joker: The Man Who Stopped Laughing #12, the joker gives Jason a "low dose" of joker venom, which has an ambiguous effect on Jason, allowing him to power through the fear (which joker explicitly states is still very much present, just not physically debilitating, like when Jason couldn't run over in either Catwoman #57 or #58, the one with the kid in the building) even though he'd been able to do that sans venom over in Gotham War, like I previously stated.

The effect of said joker venom seems to be lingering for now, minus the creepy grin side effect it gave Jason over in that man who stopped laughing issue, as seen in the latest batman issue (number is escaping me rn, #147??). He still has the stutter which is a shorthand for fear, he's drawn with fearful expressions by Jorge Jimenez, but he says that he's "working through it" thanks to the chemicals

This is both super interesting and kind of maddening as it doesn't completely remove the consequences of what happened in Gotham War, but is trying to sweep them under the rug and get back to business as usual. I, however, propose making said consequences front and center like a fashionable urn on a mantle piece:

Since it's never stated how exactly the joker venom works, and I think the current answer is "it works how the story needs it to" I've decided that because it's a low dose, it eventually wears off. And when it wears off, Jason's back to square one in terms of mental state. Ergo, if Jason doesn't want to live the rest of his life as quaking shivering husk of his former self...he's going to need more.

(read more for the meat of things)

So, Jason self medicates for a condition given to him by the father he has endlessly complicated feelings towards with a cure invented by a man who represents everything he hates in the world who once tried to take everything from him.

Which, insert poetic cinema gif here, I'm quite proud of myself for that one.

Anyway, there's a lot of directions you could take this. Personally I think it'd be interesting to explore Jason trying to get back into the drug trade like he did in UTRH (FULL TRANSPARENCY I HAVEN'T READ THE FULL COMIC, I KNOW BROADSTROKES BUT IM NOT GONNA TRY AND MAKE PARALLELS) as he tries to use the resources (production plants and other drug runners who can hook him up with samples of joker toxin/similar stuff you can probably find around Gotham) to manufacture his own cure that means never having to go back to the joker again. Maybe he ambushes a joker toxin chemical production plant to get his own supply, and then Jason uses this as his foothold back into that world.

This isn't necessarily me saying we should regress Jason alll the way back to UTRH, that was before his anti-hero era and I'm not willing to fully shoot him back into the past. I just think that's not how you tell good stories in a medium like comics. But it'd inherently be a little different just bc he's doing it for different, slightly more self motivated (depending on your take on villain Jason) reasons and the people around him would have a different reaction to it.

Anyway, all sorts of problems can arise! Depending on how you wanna characterize Jason (wayward son who longs to be back in the fold or black sheep who doesn't play by daddy's rules, etc) he can either a) try and hide this criminal enterprise from his giant family full of nosy detectives (good idea there jay) OR do it out in the open, trying to justify himself but still putting himself on the opposite side of the family again (not the law bc that boy hasn't been on the 'right' side of it since he died)

There's also the fact that Jason now needs to take something 24/7 in order to live his life. He essentially can't be without it, he's dependent on it, in fact he'd get sick without it despite any adverse effects it may have on him (which are guaranteed, I mean. No clinical trials)

I imagine it'd be easy to become addicted to it in some way.

And uh. This is the part where it works slightly better as a fanfic pitch than an actual comic pitch. Because as much as I think it'd be such an interesting beat for Jason's character considering his fraught history with addiction and drugs (looks away from that one urban legends story where he suggests terrorising addicts to get to the suppliers and bruce lectures him. The easiest way to make Mr "we don't sell drugs to children" sympathetic and you beefed it)

I also fully recognise that this is a sensitive topic that DC doesn't have the best track record with (although addicts aren't a monolith and feel a number of ways about addictions portrayals in comics) and that there's probably some pitfalls inherent in the premise, namely bc of Jason's background as an impoverished kid and his grey morality, and how those play into stereotypes of addicts. Addiction is already such a misunderstood and stigmatized condition that I imagine playing with it with an antihero might be enough to turn some people off. Addiction is not a moral failing and I'd hate to write it as a moral failing of Jason akin to his willingness to kill, etc.

But with all that said, I think that stereotypes are primarily harmful because of their shallowness. They inhibit understanding of groups labeled "other" by presenting them in simplistic ways that don't portray richness or complexity. And I think a truly good red hood comic could give both sympathy and complexity to Jason, even as an addict. If anything, Jason is a popular character (mostly) and there could be something nice about seeing a main character go through what you're going through, gritty details and all. YMMV (can we bring that back btw?) and it depends on execution. There's a lot of ways it could go wrong, but seeing as it just lives as a hypothetical rn, I think there's also a lot of ways it could go. I mean, not right, it's a downer story beat for Jason but it's mostly meant to be interesting and a vehicle for more stories as Jason navigates it, ya know?

Anyway, I have a lot of spiels littered in my notes app and discord DMs that elaborate on all this (how this could work as act 1 in a broader Jason story where his little operation goes to shit and he has to hit the road (jack) and maybe do some character development for better or worse. I'm a sucker and wanna say better- not squeaky clean better but. Yknow, finding himself to an extent. I recognise I'm a sap and a fool tho. Or how a new outlaws team could factor into either of those eras (since I do like Jason with an outlaws team. It gives him an excuse to exercise his compelling relationships and dynamics with other characters without having to constantly tip-toe around the elephant in the room whenever he's with the batfamily all the time. He just needs a good lineup) but that's all for another time

... though without elaborating on the vision in my head it kind of just sounds like my pitch is "Jason gets addicted to his hyper-anxiety medication" BUT I SWEAR ITS MORE THAN THAT.

It's like. If Jason has struggled as a character (and this is very subjective on my part so feel free to disagree) because he has compelling relationships with all of the batfamily, but also has compelling grey morality that makes it hard to capitalize on those relationships, without the conflict always coming to "Jason stop killing!" "Nuh uh!" OR just being ignored, and the main way writers have addressed this is via reboots instead of arcs...

Then giving Jason and the bats:

real, legitimate and fresh reason for jay to be mad at Bruce (taking their relationship of love with very little understanding to it's most dramatic conclusion)

give the family a real reason to want to bring him back into the fold (feel bad about the lobotomy and it would be pretty immoral to let Jason waste away slowly and painfully because of something Bruce did)

capitalize on all the ways Jason is sympathetic (bc the addiction is a natural lead into his backstory, which is one of his most sympathetic elements)

And the ways in which he's very out of step with the bats post-resurrection (I'd be mad asf too if i came back to life just for my dad to a) not avenge me and b) LOBOTOMIZE ME meanwhile the cunt ass clown giving me my meds is just lurking out there).

Idk it's not a sophisticated pitch as of this moment but I think a real chef (writer) could cook something w/ this

[xianyoon]

i miss 2021 genshinblr sm im ngl 😞😞😞

[wicked-west-cats]

Must be rough losing them so young huh?

shadowbelly looking at lil memorial graves of his parents ft itty bitty roachkit unaware of sad things

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[thethingything]

it's been just under 3 days since we took that antibiotic and our brain still doesn't feel right.

all I can do is wait it out and hope it goes away soon, but we've barely been able to do anything for the last few days and honestly until the med fucked us up I wasn't even sure we could get less functional in terms of how bad our dissociation and stuff was but here we are.

I have things I need to do. I have things I was meant to organise. I'm gonna have to explain a bunch of stuff at that oral surgery consultation on Thursday and I have to hope the side effects have eased off by then because with the way our brain currently is, I'm not actually sure I'd be able to explain the things I need to or remember to ask about things I need to bring up.

I've missed doses of my regular meds because of both the brain fog and our sleep schedule getting fucked up because the medication side effects triggered a fatigue flare and we're back to randomly falling asleep and repeatedly getting stuck in a loop of falling asleep and then waking up just enough to register that we need to do something but not enough to actually open our eyes and do the thing before falling asleep again several times over the course of a few hours and having really vivid dreams that kind of blur together with reality so we wake up really disoriented.

I'm simultaneously overwhelmed, and too brain foggy and dissociated to really register what's making me overwhelmed, but then I think about something that I know has been stressing me out and I just kind of feel apathetic? I guess? and I've had the same thing with stuff I'd normally be really excited/enthusiastic about no matter how bad our depression gets. it's horrible because it's like, I know I care about this thing, I know I feel strongly about it, but I can't access any of those feelings and it's making me feel like I'm not properly myself and that's freaking me out really badly

[szczylpierdolony]

life is falling through my fingers more that usually

[monster42069]

Getting a good hit of indica that’s a little stronger than vapes I had last time after I ran out of my indica is Hallelujah Praise The LORD and that kid with ADHD

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[illithilit]

That moment when you realize that Mourndax is so flippant about everything bc ofc he is. Man's barely had any agency in his life under his parents' control, and he's less than five years removed from that. He hasn't exactly had time to learn how to make decisions of his own, and acting like you don't give a shit what the outcome is, or that you've simply changed your mind about it for no particular reason is a lot easier than admitting to still remembering how much the leash hurt when pulled on.

[jrwiyuri]

I’m always so fascinated by fan culture.. is there like genuine research on why people act the way they do to normal human beings.