shmingleping · 1 year ago
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I'm in the mood to be self-destructive. I wish I had the means to do so. I hate having to just sit with this discomfort and all these thoughts and memories I desperately don't want to be reminded of. Fuckin. Hate. This.
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tittylover26 · 1 month ago
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The fact that War constantly acts inside the acting in this series and makes it actually work it's nuts.
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bunnihearted · 2 months ago
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📚📖🧸
#i wish i could go to the library..#and just get cozy in a chair and read for a couple of hours#sadlyyy the past couple of years#parents have decided to make libraries (aka the ONLY quiet zone we have in society)#into their own private playgrounds#and they take their kids there so they can run around and yell and slam things and stomp and just be loud af#and it sucks :(((( it makes me so sad bc libraries are supposed to br quiet and calm#places to go to study and read and such#NOT yet another place where kids get to be noisy and ruin a quiet calm space#and librarians dontsay anything anymore... when i was a kid they always came and SHHHHHHH aggressively lol#and i cant say anything bc then im a 'child hating miserable cow who thinks kids should get beaten up'#idk the thing is yes kids should be at the library... to cultivate their interest in books...#and that should be encouraged... ofc!!!#but some weird shift in society had happend post pandemic and ppl are just stupid and weird and dumb#yes kids running around looking at books and their parents reading for them is chill#but parents allowing their kids to SCREAM and sit in a chair and so#and stomp*** and throw things.....#why is that ok?? why do ppl even think thats ok... and im not a bitter hag for saying that kids shouldnt be noisy#or play in a library.... like why tf dont u go to a playground that is created for children to play and be loud#and let them run their excess energy off. and THEN go to the library#allowingyour kids to ruin an entire library for everyone else is fucking shitty#and libraries are the only place that have ever been quiet and now theyve taken even that from us#(us = neurodivergent & noise sensitive ppl)#and idk its smth that makes me despise society even more.. bc nobody even listens when i calmly and rationally say that hey this isnt ok#bc they only hear that im a child hating bitch who wants kids to have no rights and be murdered in the streets 😐#just bc i think they should be quiet in a library........#but if i go to a playground andstart telling everyone to be fkn quiet then everyone would think im crazy right??#idk i just hate everyone bc i am noise sensitive and libraries SHOULD be quiet but now parents with their kids have ruined the only place#to go. and nobody listens bc they think that if youre noise sensitive u should just sit in your own home 24/7.#and its like crazy to me bc im not going to a store or a cafeand saying YOOOO everyone shut the fuck up im noise sensitive!!!
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heybaetae · 3 months ago
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roombagreyjoy · 2 days ago
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*said with increasing distress, eyes blodshot and an empty mug in hand* you guys remember writing right????? you guys remember posting fic and publishing things and talking to editors about potential projects right???? you guys remember being creative in your creative jobs and not just rereading old work and having a panic attack over the time wasted over curating hyperspecific character playlists that you get mad about five minutes later right????? i'm not insane right????? creative block is normal even if it lasts for months right???? i haven't written a fic in YEARS but it's ok i'm ok i have to finish TWO original pieces for next week that I haven't even started but it'll probably be fineeeee I'm totally not being a complete and raving lunatic about it it's probably gonna be okay <3 yay <3
#AND I STILL HAVEN'T APPLIED FOR MY NEW SHOW IN THEATRES ?1!!!!???? AJAAGAGAHAHAHFGH#BABYGIRL I CAN BE DRY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FOR PROJECTS THAT ARE ALREADY EVEN PLANNED OUT#the words just won't come out idk#ok so i attended one of the most prestigious universities in the country re: my field of expertise and carefully improved in my craft#just to go into a creative field and be an unemployed fuckhead who won't even write#i mean I am ALSO an academic that is very much true as well. but you don't really earn money from that either now do you#especially not in humanities#anyway. i need to go wash some dishes#it'll be fine probably i just need to lock tf in#it sucks being the one in the relationship that has no job no money no prospects and is already a burden to their parents#like literally they're being very nasty about it and like i know they care about me and stuff but they are very much. not supportive#it doesn't mean they're openly hating on it tbh i think they've given up on trying to disagree with my life choices and atp they just judge#when i'm not there. but evidently i find out anyway because of course i do#tbh won't complain about the lack of open support though like it's cool you disapprove of my relationship and my work and my life overall#ok rant over i'm big now. i'm an adult#ACTUALLY should i write a paper on disco elysium maybe that'd cheer me up. DON'T ask me how de is cheerful it isn't#my brain just works in mysterious ways#also gonna write an essay on my relationship with god. and get it published. probably gonna quote dostoievski a couple times as well. maybe#who give a fuck anymore man people these days can write ANYTHING. i love being alive in a world where printing is a thing. also computers#personal
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fantastic-mr-corvid · 4 months ago
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last years pride i had a sexuality crisis and this year a few days later im having a gender one. fuck.
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piplupod · 1 year ago
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oh we fucked our metabolism up bad huh
IF YOUR BLOG IS ABOUT ENABLING YOUR EATING DISORDER, DON'T FUCKING INTERACT WITH THIS!!! GET HELP!!! STOP INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO RECOVER FROM THEIR OWN EATING DISORDERS!!!
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airbenderedacted · 2 years ago
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I really need to make a DNI sometimmMMEE
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hellpupp · 1 year ago
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Big Sad
#kicks dirt#idk how many times i can openly ask for what i need & just. not get it. before i've just gotta Stop bc it starts feeling pathetic#and potentially even bordering on emotionally manipulative.#debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted#i just feel Deeply Lonely and like i have absolutely nothing going on in my life except work#and just lowkey like.... Unseen.#sometimes i try So Fucking Hard to have a conversation with people only to have 100% of what i say completely ignored me#* in favor of a random meme.#it starts to fuck with you after a while! makes you feel Uninteresting and Foolish and Annoying#idk.#i mean i also ran out of my (Extremely Rough Withdrawal) SNRI last week so like. that isn't helping.#but it's more than that. i've been feeling like this for a while.#it just. really sucks when you move & have no irl friends. no energy to make any new ones.#and all of your long distance friends have A Lot of shit on their plates so you feel shitty and inconsiderate for even thinking of asking#for. well Anything really. let alone some of their extremely limited time & energy & attention.#like who tf am i to ask anyone#let alone people who are all Very busy and struggling w/ their own shit#for their undivided attention for a chunk of time they could be using to take care of themselves#i don't want to feel invisible anymore#but i also don't want to be a drain on the people i care about#i hate Needing things#i wish the depth of my love and devotion to the people i've chosen to care for was fulfilling enough on its own#so i'd never need to ask for things#having emotional needs is like. sooo gross & selfish of me tbh. :/' go the fuck to therapy holy shit u would Never say this abt Anyone else#anyway. watch me delete this in 5 seconds bc the need to be seen & the mortification of being Perceived can & do coexist#χ.txt
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woonierkiz · 2 years ago
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when fanfic writers are like having drafts for their fics, smaus, oneshot. wat ever chu chu
THEY GOT TO BE THE MOST DETAILED THING EVER
WHILE MY BITCH ASS IS THIS-
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koumeowkami · 1 year ago
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stumbles out of the 2wink climax event covered in blood (and tears)
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constellation-falchion · 1 year ago
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why on earth do I always have future-life-crisises on random ass weekdays
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kisshim · 1 year ago
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and the only man that went above and beyond to hit on me this past semester was a FUCKING GUY IN HIS MID TWENTIES (ik im an adult wild shit but like i’m aware ok. i could easily pass off as 16) and he found me ON FUCKING LINKEDIN AND STALKED ME AND THEN found me ON CAMPUS and gave me his number and instagram and snapchat and told me i was sooo pretty (all written on a slip of paper whatever) and i’m so lucky i was with a group of friends bc i seriously don’t know what i would’ve done in that situation because why is that fucking creepy oh . i don’t know just a master’s student who is like 24/25 years old stalking me because he saw me somewhere (he’s one of the cs TAs and i took cs but i stopped showing up to lecture) and finding out where on campus i live and somehow running into me and trying to hit on me bye he knew i was a freshman too because he STALKED ME ON FUCKING LINKEDIN
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just-jammin · 1 year ago
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got out of the uni i was applying to
holy fuck i am NOT gonna pass lmao (not disappointed, not surprised)
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snekdood · 2 years ago
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I accept that ill probably be alone forever. I just wish it wasnt because people were so manipulated by someones fake narrative abt me.
#i wish it was bc i burned half the city down ir smthn#something to actually make me sit there and reflect on the actions i did#rather than trying to sit there and reflect on the actions my abuser said i did knowing damn well i didnt#but feeling like if i dont analyze it the ppl around me will think i dont care about anything#even. though. i. didnt. fucking. do. anyytthingnngggsnahehws i want to strangle you.#like i cant sit here and analyze actions i didnt do bc idk why someone would do that stuff bc i fucking didnt. i can sit here and try to#figure out why someone might do that shit but ultimately idfk because im not them.#im sorry im not this ultimate abuser you want to paint me as. im sorry its kot as simple as 'this person holds views i think are#problematic so that means theyre the abuser'#im sorry that you look at my blog. see someone you think is cringe. and decide my weird awkwardness is enough evidence.#idk wtf to tell you dude. your fave is the one who did it. idk what tf to tell you.#i also dk how you can see all their 'rape is fun' drawings and not even SUSPECT FOR A SECOND that it could be them lmao.#but whatever. ppl gonna listen to the most popular ppl bc thats how ppl are in abusive smear camapigns like this.#ppl will always side w the more popular person. thats just a fact like thats something i learned early about#emotionally abusive ppl like them.#i cant sit here and pretend for you to make it so easy. that im the bad guy and its just seewww obvious bc of whatever politics you think#i have. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe that. i cant sit here anymore letting you believe the world is black and white and#you can just sort people into boxes of good and evil.#im mot what you think i am and thats my final answer. if you cant deal with that reality then idk wtf to tell you.
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noahthegrailkeeper · 2 years ago
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"A love is only as good as the lover. Wicked people love wickedly, violent people love violently, weak people love weakly..."
fucks severely with my brain.
#In this weird mindspace rn where....ya'll idk who tf I am anymore#I've grown so insecure and unstable and just....weak#and it fucks with just everything I thought or wished I was#And idk what to do#I shouldn't need constant validation that people still like me and still want me to be around and yet#I need to work on my self worth but tbh ya'll it's terrifying#especially in the eyes of the fact that this will take a long time and I don't even know If I can do it#like....how do I navigate my relationships like this? Should I prioritize that I need intimacy from certain people as a form of selfcare#knowing that I cannot give as much as I would like#and knowing that I cannot be enough#is it even ethical of me to engage with and burdern others with my need for compassion and love#with no realistic timeframe I can give or not even any knowledge of if I will be able to get better and become someone worthy of this love#or am I using this as an excuse for distancing myself as another form of self harm#and bc. i don't think in the events of when I leave the choice to stay or leave me to the other person and they choose to leave#I could be able to handle such a rejection#so instead I isolate myself to protect myself from such an outcome#I'm scared that this is all there is to me#that underneath all that scar tissue there's nothing left anymore#Nothing will be enough to make me feel loved or make me loveable because I am inherently broken#and every moment I spent with another person brings them closer to this revelation#....i need a hug#or a straight up punch in the face cause i deserve it
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