#idk. im just venting a bit lol
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thinkin abt h.ttyd 3. obvs ppl have the right to criticize, & the movie does have its issues, but at the same time. its a bit exhausting everytime i go into the tag to browse, & i see so many posts complaining no matter how many "salt" tags i block
#sam.txt#ive even seen ppl shitting on others that personally like the movie. which i think is a bit much#i enjoyed it! maybe not my absolute fave out of the trilogy but i like it!#i totally get wanting to rewrite. even in my own au the dragons stay bc i simply want them to#but its just. some ppl get so negative & even aggressive abt their dislike of the film & its draining my enjoyment just a bit#esp ppl bashing the l.ight fury (calling her luna for the rest of these tags)#like i def get ppl being disappointed by her design & thats fair but i love her so much lol#shes legit a high tier comfort character of mine so it sorta sucks when i look her up just to see so much negativity#idk. im just venting a bit lol#once again: ppl are totally valid to criticize its just the sheer amount of negativity brings me down sometimes 😔
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Watching someone play afop and im so. Oh my god. Oh my GOD. It's literally just a fucking showcase of all the Exact type of shit that has been happening to indigenous people and people of color have been dealing with for Centuries at the hands of white supremacy and imperialism. Like its literally just Showing all that Shit from the perspective of a Na'vi in universe. So it "demonizes" the RDA accordingly. And uet so many fucking reviewers are joshing on it and calling it Boring and Slow and Uninspired and that it makes human's 'cartoonishly evil' LIKE YOU PEOPLE HAVENT LOOKED AT A SINGLE FUCKING CURRENT EVENT IN YOUR LIVES. Oh my god im so mad at all these fucking reviewers now. The fucking AUDACITY to look at something this fucking Honest about the cruelty humans are capable of, while living during the fucking day and age with all this Knowledge we have at our fingertips -- the fucking audacity to look at this game and what the character goes through and not being able to muster up ANY other fucking emotion besides "ubisoft never was great at story anyway so idc lol" fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. Like actually. You can't even fucking ATTEMPT to connect to this story emotionally? Not even a fucking Smidge? Jesus fucking christ people need everything to be spoon fed to them these days. God forbid a piece of media actually ask you to meet it in the middle for once.
#horse.txt#vent //#im mad lol. the farther i get into the story the more mad i get#oh oh the humans putting the Na'vi in cages is a bit extreme? a bit unrealistic??#what the fuck has been going on US borders for the past two decades then.#oh oh the pollution of the land and the water to hurt resistance efforts and native populations is so cartoonishly evil!!#HUMANS WOULD NEEEEVER DO SOMETHING SO DIABOLICAL 😱😱😱#get fucking real. i am so tired of people looking down on Avatar when it's one of the first pieces of mainstream media that ive Ever seen#cover these topics in a fictional lense with So candidly. and nobody wants to fucking take it seriously because it makes them Uncomfortable#to see humans be the fucking badguys#iTS NOT EVEN ABOUT /ALL/ HUMANS THE REAL VILLIAN IS THE FUCKING RDA! ITS CAPITALISM!!!!!#THATS THE FUCKING POINT!!! but noooo people are so fucking sensitive they cant see it as anything but 'misanthropic'#like all of the humans in the resistance arent RIGHT FUCKING THERE for one. and for two ACKNOWLEDGING HUMANITIES FLAWS ISNT MISANTHROPIC#humans have flaws!!! we are capable of great cruelty just as much as we are great kindness!!!#if simply acknowledging and exploring that fact in stories is 'misanthropic' and depresses you then thats on YOU.#grow some thicker skin or something dude idk lol
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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead
#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere#i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art#but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely#certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like#university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government#i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour#party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead#also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be#idk#it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking#also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most#part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still#i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going#the way i wanna#I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life#if not then gap year to work it out#should probably look at unis for english language too then#sigh#ucas website i may as well marry you#ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up#yeah#shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical#they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices#crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that#why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine#bue waffling#vent post
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AAAARRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#im so annoyed rn#Rant incoming im sorry i apparently needed to vent#HOW TF I ABSOLUTELY SUCK AT ONE OF MY FAVORITE CLASSES#like i really really find this interesting. i love to study it. i love to do the work sheets (not so much rn bc im failing it miserably)#SO HOW AM I NOT ABLE TO DO A SINGLE PROBLEM!?!?!? like this is getting ridiculous#like.... this is so sad#i actually like this. and tbh in my whole college journey there weren't that many classes i loved like this#idk this really makes me sad to be honest. bc it's one of those classes that i did try#<- it's the class that im retaking bc i failed it last year btw.#like last year i was so fucking depressed and hated my degree sm and this was the first class to make me feel the *joy of learning*TM again#and i failed it#but like miserably#and now im studying it again and im failing the easiest problems... from the first chapter#anyways dw about me - at least this is smth i actually enjoy and i want to know so it's not as painful to study#it just pains me that im naturally good at many stuff and this is not one of that stuff#arghh. gotta go watch a little bit of masterchef and go back to studying ig#aj rambles#<- lol forgot this tag
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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maybe this is a controversial opinion but like....some of yall are getting Way too comfortable at the idea of killing another human being just because theyre “problematic”
#like idk it just rly rubs me the wrong way#some people on here see someone with a '''bad'''' opinion or moral stance and are like#well then die :)#like....maybe chill a bit#i know ive personally said elon musk and jeff bezos could die tomorrow and id be like jesus finally#and maybe im being a hypocrite but i feel theres a difference between saying that#capitalist pigs that hold all the worlds money and dont do shit to help fix the world or whatever#and instead spend it on going to space for fun or buying a social media site only to run it to the ground#could honestly die today and id be like yeah we're better off than like#saying a celebrity should die for being problematic or something#i see it with like creators and vas and other random users too#like u guys need to stop being so comfortable being so horrible#and understand that there are so many differing opinions and morals in the world#u are not righteously good because you feel you are the ''least problematic'' because good and bad are not things that are so black and whit#also wishing death upon someone for having a kind of shitty opinion when instead you could be wishing that they eventually become educated#and change their views and morals#thats not rly up the alley of 'good guy' lol#vent tag#sorry all my thoughts are in the tags
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he deserves to get hit by a car ,, as a treat
#/affectionately <3#a bit of a vent#but yeah deleted my last post cuz I felt uncomfy with it idk why (hah jk I do im just not sharing cuz it's not important)#im just being petty again and holding myself up to impossible moral standards -#may take a lil hiatus from here and twt and just live in my silly discord servers again I am becoming too hateful once more#I need to start surrounding myself with ppl who don't just make me miserable lol thats on me#I miss just being a silly little guy on the internet pfft-#though actually I think I may Just Be Emotional Rn cuz my friend's bd is growing near.. been emotionally drained#love drawing my sona's all beat up though#it's a love language <33#kite's ocs#kitson alkaid#but he's a furry idk maybe ill make him a separate tag tomorrow who knows
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my favorite teacher plays dnd and bg3 do you know how crazy that is to me
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LOTS OF THOUGHTS HII GOOD NOON TODAY WAS A REAL FUN DAY#I ALMOST BROKE DOWN AND ALSO I KINDA VENTED AND G#UH. WHY IS TUMBLR WEIRD AND CLOSING MY POST. ANYWAY!#i did vent to my friends abt annoying classmates (aka annoying ppl who are irresponsible) that bring me and my friends and groups grades#down. and yeah. but i bonded a lot w various frienda and and and fun day and and and I LEARN ^^ AND#things are quite bad sometimes but sometimes they aren't actually that bad and idk school is just really fun i'm almost sad#just really happy with where i am rn and my friends are noticing too sniffs ..... noticing how i'm talking more or whatnot#and more comfy and whatnot and hey it did take like. quite a while. but still! just. really happy#bcs this Quite A While was either basically immediate but in the making (two friends) or gradual but always getting there (group in class)#and etc !!! like hey maybe some friends online or irl i am not talking to as much atm but there's the comfort that we still greatly care#for wach other. and whatnot. and there's just a lot and damn if i gave up this wouldn't be happening lol my point is things do get better#and a lot of it tbh is on how you improve and see things (???) idk but damn i'm just rlly proud of myself#I COULD STILL DO BETTER mbut idk all of this is me and im just rlly secure in that and i have been since the longest time ngl. im amazing#yeehaw ANYWAYYYYFGEGKR BG3 I STARTED A DARK URGE RUN LAST NIGHT YE GODS ITS A BIT SCARY TO ME BUT I LOVE THE BLOOD#im trying to fight against it bcs im using my main tav but boom make him a durge guy so ^_^
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note to self: don't scroll through the top posts of certain tags because some people do not know how to tag their salt or negative things to say about a ship or character when all i wanna do is look at the art and silly textposts
#i need a minute#breathe bells breathe#this pissed me off a lot but i gotta remind myself i shouldnt get super angry over it#time to shut up bella#vent#<-???#idk man just incase#if you can tell im a bit angry about it lol
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mental health has been in the fucking sewer the past month, feeling extremely anxious, stressed, depressed, miserable, selfish and just overall shite. the only reason my left arm is in one piece is bc 1. I don't want to potentially damage my tattoos and 2. I can't cover it for work. I am doing BAD and I feel like theres no way out
#there IS a way out but im too chickenshit to commit to it lol#just to be clear I'm just venting here I'm not looking for reassurance or advice. I'd rather sit and stew in this a bit#to him every emotion i feel is 'selfish' and 'dismissive of his feelings' which is why i can't talk to him about this#i tried on monday and this is what he said. almost verbatim#we're at a point where neither of us care anymore. idk if we'll ever get back to the way it used to be#you may like this post + i will interpret it as a hug <3
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me when i have a dream abt Guz but its ABOUT him, not featuring him :[
some gal a couple yrs older than me was trying to befriend me and the way she decided to go about that was ... to tell me she had a really cool and in-character headcanon about him but that I'd have to ,, chase her down and drag her back to the hotel room from the hallway if i wanted to hear ?? 😭 girl wtf i don't think having this person u just met chase u around is a very good way of making friends SBDJKDL
AND I DID. I DID DO THAT. but I can't remember what the hc was that she shared oh my GODDD
#the only part i can remember is that and the little thought bubble that appeared above her head w him in it when she was talking abt him 😭#and then things switched over to a nightmare abt camping w my family which was unfortunately very accurate to how it does go LMAO#but i got to meet this sweet little five yr old girl and help keep her safe and out of trouble so thats good#whenever kids show up in my nightmares i immediately become less cowardly bc im just focused on keeping them safe n soothed fjdkdl#yes the horrors may be all around us but i can distract them by making them think its a fun game while also keeping them safe fjdkdl#adds to the stress a little bit though bc then im worried abt keeping them safe on top of maybe my siblings or maybe myself LOL#ANYWAYS IM RAMBLING SORRY. JUST WOKE UP FJDKL the filter is not filtering LMAO#dandy.cmd#vent //#i think maybe idk I'll tag it that just in case
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i will survive having a terrible roommate. i will survive having a terrible roommate. i will survie having a terrible roommate. i will surviv
#she told me i 'ruined her valentines' bc she knew a week in advance i was going to be using the dorm w my partner and last minute decided#to have her partner come up ao i just asked that they stayed out of the dorm (when they were going out to a restaurant anyway)#like lol sorry you learned that the world doesn't revolve around you. can i say that you ruined the last year and a half of my life#idc enough to let you effect me that deeply but. just doe the bit bc you're so miserable lol#i do think ive hit a point where im probably being too mean but idk i dont feel sorry for someone who intentionally outed me as trans in an#unsafe environment then tried to blame it on me lolllll#finch chirps#vent#ig
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not for nothing but sometimes i do wish my roommates would give a fuck about how i'm doing lol
#sorry this is a hashtag vent#but it is a little disheartening that neither of them have asked how im feeling since i told them i was sick earlier#like we've been friends for years and i feel like i always try to make sure they're okay when they're sick#idk. it's not that big of a deal. just a bit of concern would go a long way. or like any effort into maintaining friendships from them#but i sort of get the sense they're getting tired of me lol. that's speculation i probably don't mean that#delete later
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May unofficially hiatus idk
#jane journals#vent#negative#idk. yall might know i visited my family#things are so much worse than i imagined and im just. really drained#this has kinda depressed me lol so i think i need to wallow for a bit#i havent really had any self ship thoughts anyway#and drawing hasnt been going anywhere#love yall and ill probably be back#i mean most likely#and ill still talk to close friends#but yeah uh. seeya
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My mom called me at 5pm while I was at work and left me a minute long voice-mail of the most pathetic sounding "I love you, I miss you, I have short term memory problems and that's why I forgot I promised to take you to the water park that one time, also I'm not together with [shitty boyfriend] anymore so Talk to me maybe?"
And I'm just like. She was obviously looking at the letter I wrote to her a few years back, where I outlined where I stood with everything. & in the letter I said so long as she stays with her shitty boyfriend I can't have a relationship with her
So she says she's not with him anymore. But it's only been a few weeks. She's had times where she's "broken up" with him before, only to end up back together again.
I'm not hopeful. Genuinely, her attachment to me is a nuisance. My life is better without her, and yet there's this woman who insists she loves me (she doesn't know the first thing about me) and begs me to talk to her (she's never cared to ask me anything about myself if I don't freely offer the information).
And of course she does this at 5 pm on a Wednesday while I'm at work. I don't have her number saved so I was just like "? Who tf is calling me?" And just ignored it bc I was busy making 7 fucking XL mocha lattes bc I was At Work & I only just now checked the voice-mail, 7 hours later.
A part of me wonders if she deserves another chance. If she truly has broken up with him, I feel like it's in part a plea for me to talk with her again. And some part of me still does feel like I'm indebted to her or smth
But I'm not lol. She didn't raise me. My dad raised me. And before that, my grandparents and sister raised me. Only when I was too small to remember it did my mom actually raise me. And 4 years I can't even remember when I'm Twenty Six? It doesn't mean much of anything.
Maybe it's heartless to not want to give her a chance. But she's only ever brought annoyance and discomfort into my life. She's the embodiment of everything I hate in myself. A carbon copy of my own mental illness, except unchecked and untreated. She has no self awareness & is far too conceited and self-pitying. She's just plain unpleasant to be around, Mommy Issues aside.
I haven't talked to her in over a year. I was potentially willing to make an exception for Xmas or mother's day, but she didn't even try. She's living out her life as a shell of a woman daydreaming of a reality that Does Not Exist.
I'm not her sweet little daughter, and I haven't been for a long time.
You reap what you sow.
#speculation nation#negative/#i put this under a readmore to not bother ppl.#this is entirely an extended rant about my mom#mostly bc i needed to vent. just a little bit.#needed to sort out my thoughts. bc idk what im supposed to do in this situation lol#i think. ultimately. im going to do nothing.#at least for now. i have no energy to spare for playing along with a deeply miserable woman's daydreams.
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