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#if anyone Really Really needs to know more then dm me
klxudykai · 5 hours
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the ugly part of reality shifting
as great as shifting is, its really fucking draining. like REALLY draining. its nice that people want to show the fun and positive side of shifting and all, but once new shifters (specifically) hit the stage where they're drained and extremely demotivated, they aren't going to know how to deal with these new overwhelming emotions. reality shifting takes a toll on our mental health even if we don't like to admit it. this may not apply to everything, but I know it applies to the majority.
ive been shifting since 2021 (if you saw my post Abt me starting shifting in 2019 that was wrong lmfao mb yall-). and I still haven't shifted. I used to think I'd shift within 4 years but surprise surprise. I haven't. I'm drained and demotivated. I don't completely believe I wont ever shift, but I don't think I can get what I want by manifesting or affirming or doing any of that. I think the universe will just randomly hand it to me. it sounds dumb but that's the weird luck I have. when I don't expect it, I get what I want. but when I try hard and I expect it, nothing happens or I get smth worse. i don't think that even when I put blood,sweat, and tears into this that I'll shift. I've discovered so much shit about myself yet I am still here with no experience of what its like in another reality let alone my dr. never saw my dr once. only in my dreams and my imagination.
im going to be completely honest when I say that shifting is not for the weak. I'm not saying this to get you to quit because shifting is one of the best things that I found. I just want you to know that its not always going to be perfect. you might feel desperate, you might feel homesick, you might feel exhausted mentally. and sometimes you'll make progress but then find another obstacle. quite frankly, fuck the obstacles because that's not the issue. its how you deal with them that really determine how your growth goes. and no I'm not saying it controls if you'll shift or not because it doesn't. but if you're a person that gives up easily, its going to be hard to overcome those blockages. I say that because I myself give up easily. which is ironic because I don't give up when it comes to certain goals I want to accomplish (one of those goals being shifting), but I refuse to get rid of those so called "blockages" and avoid them even though I know what's the problem. I avoid them because I don't know how to fix them and I just have this fear that's telling me I'll fail.
this post probably doesn't make a lot of sense but that's because I'm writing this in the heat of the moment so I'm not doing a lot of thinking, I'm just typing. what I'm saying is don't be that person that avoids the problems. be transparent with yourself because I'm telling you, the more you avoid it, the more drained youre going to become. it might turn into an endless loop where you think about your Dr daily but you have zero energy to shift. and it fucking sucks.
overall, please take breaks whether they're mental or shifting breaks, if you feel like there is an issue with yourself, fix it. this is a hard journey but it will be a lot easier once you're honest and overcome problems that need to be solved.
(disclaimer that this may not apply to everyone, just the people who are going through a rough patch in their journey. this is mainly just my perspective and what I've heard from a friend of mine since our issues seemed pretty similar. and if anyone needs someone to talk to, my DMS are open. I want my blog to be a safe space and that this is a place where not everything is perfect. I love y'all and please take care and don't stress yourselves <33)
also, fuck that toxic positivity shit that just makes mfs more drained. if you feel demotivated address it don't push it away
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conflictofthemind · 1 month
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what is the true one? you can code it in tags on the previous post if need be (since I’m sure some people would freak out no matter what; don’t worry I haven’t known Byler doubt in many moons lol)
I got 4 asks about this in the last 12 hours. She or her friends are currently stalking my blog and taking pictures so I’m going to stop talking about it after this.
I don’t know if anything else is 100% true, I’m just saying that THESE are fake and I KNOW so:
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The grass field scene is probably true (again like I literally can’t say because I don’t know) just because there’s some other people backing it up. But we have literally no context on it.
Also again, I don’t know anyone who works on the set of Stranger Things. I sometimes get early information just by knowing people who are very much tuned into production and/or using ..legally dubious means to procure information which would be the reason why I am unable to share their names.
Everything I post is just my theories based on this. Except in certain instances, and I will always say if I know something to be true, I know that these CC anon leaks are fake. And so many people taking them to be real is absolutely sending me.
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butchladymaria · 1 year
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#bloodborne#not exaggerating when i say that even wearing PANTS was seen as an exclusively masc thing btw#there are Multiple cases of women literally PASSING AS DUDES by wearing pants. IN THE ARMY NO LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#this one lady who wore pants to farm was seen so outlandish it warranted public backlash#women were arrested for wearing pants and button-down shirts as recently as THE SIXTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i could go more into maria's outfit as a whole but the pants ALONE make her canonically masc By Definition in the historical context :)#if ur abt to be fucking stupid on this post im Just going to block u btw#having said that if anyone DOES have normal responses or questions i really love history and i have a lot of resources#comment/reblog/inbox/dm are all fair game <333#in case anyone was curious what my inbox looked like after making that post#most of these are direct quotes :) its just silly to me#like holy [citation needed]#if u want to know more!!!!#i love her so much and im really tired of (overwhelmingly cis) people literally being so insecure in their own gender#that they just start reinventing gender roles in my inbox!!!!!#and everywhere else they can get their hands on#i think some of yall need to realize that uhhhhhhh#butch lesbians seeing maria as a butch lesbian is not fucking '''''''tokenism'''''''''''' or whatever#that is Literally Not What That Word Means#but it may be worth examining why you are so upset by it?#or barring that........have some genuine curiosity about the history of gender.......because its really cool to research imo
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transgendersquiddo · 1 year
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hell ya! please info dump about casino quartet that would be awesome
STARTS VIBRATING OKAY!! for those who dont know, casino quartet refers to the group/ship name of ash, branzy, clown, and red (also known as branzypierceswagdoons or the abcd's because. Ashswag Branzy Clown and red. Doons) . i am #)(%*@#()%*#(@% about them 4 reasons i will elaborate down the cut ^_^
reason one: oh my GOD the comedic potential of these fuckers is sooooo. not one ounce of communication or sanity between any of them god bless!!! they are all enablers of different things and all make each other worse!!!! they will kill each other over not doing the dishes!!! also the diff dynamics between all of them would be Insufferable like clown and branzy would just do So Much pda during the most inappropriate times while ash and red have to Put Up with it while beating the shit out of each other <3 cue clown and red coming back home and doing God Knows What (not talking about feelings straight up) (repressed emotions) (bullying) and ash and branzy get white girl wasted on whiteclaw of wine or whatever and ash bitches about red to branzy while branzy calls him babygirl (branzy is the only one that can call ash this) (once red overheard this and ash almost killed him) (he had to be held back by branzy and clown so he wouldn't kill him) (<- this one is sponsored by cherny)
ANYWAYS ash and clown r a funny bunch too. clown would Always attempt to get ash to do stupid shit and try to hit him with the big wet pathetic eyes and "but please?? for me.,.." and it only works 20% of the time when ash caves in (do not worry ash bullies clown back) (also literally based off of this) . both of them think they're the most normal ones . red and branzy r literally just vibing. imagine everyone else being insufferable/them being insufferable to others and they're like "omg hiiii bestie ^_^" and they chill and knit while drinking sweet tea together or whatever . they're awesome
REASON NUMBER 2: PUNCHES THE GROUND ok ok. they're like 0 canon content of them IN VIDEOS but u have to understand : the original team chaos had red in the group . and the only reason red left is bc they didn't tell him anything (also ash was asleep like 90% of the time L) but like. i think u Could do smth interesting with lingering feelings abt team chaos Esp considering ash Did go back to red and apologize for s3/team chaos and gave him favors .,.. that's if u wanna go Canon Compliant ofc but i think there Could be something that u could write abt clown and red being Farely loyal and strategic and ash and branzy being willing to betray and both being wildcards. i feel like u could do smth interesting with that (and also if you wanna go romantic) some polymary negotiations might b fun ti explore :thumbs_up: usually the Link between them is clown and red but i've also seen branzy and ash ^_^ either way they r rlly fun to think about either way!!!
i dont really like a reason number 3 so i will put this mangoball edit here . thank u for letting me indulge in my insanity
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calamitydaze · 3 months
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
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#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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meloartist · 15 days
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Yeah, I also want to see 2 season, especially Destiny and my favorite Delirium, but I'm also curius who will play Remiel and Duma.
[i think this ask was pre-s2 announcement bc 2022 but YEAH]
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i'm a HUUUUUUUUUGE duma stan you dont even KNOW
#sandman#the sandman#duma#asks#answers#continuing my trend of answering asks from 2022#anyway im on my duma sign language train#i consider duma's domain to be the *concept* of silence. like as an audio phenomenon. that doesnt mean he cant talk!!#i'm glad that in the lucifer comics they respect him and usually seem to be able to understand him without oral speech#potentially bc (per canon) he *can* mentally project what he wants people to know#but i think they missed an opportunity to actually have duma tell lucifer in *words* that he is both deeply loved And a little bitch#like creatures like lucifer know every language so????#(also. signed angel conlang anyone??? with WINGS???)#(actually i think that's impractical since it needs to be usable during flight. but having different forms is also awesome.)#lucking out on this that the sign for me too/same seems to be the same in asl & bsl#ultimately i don't think that duma should need to speak a human signed language at all -- but for clarity idk which to pick you know?#considering that this is an english-speaking comic with a british writer with a largely american audience#*probably* asl bc i am american and don't want to mix myself up but#anyway if you are a native speaker of asl. if i ever do more comics with duma and others i Will need help#i know a few asl words but i do Not have a good grasp of grammar#so please feel free to correct or suggest or dm me idk !! i really want to interact w the d/Deaf community more#always open to language critique#and i kind of would love help designing angel sign conlang. bc the concept of duma giving lucifer a name sign lives in my head forever#fwiw i'm fully on the duma/lucifer qpp train by the way. like duma has been PINING.
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Emeraldshipping Ramble
Because I'm stressed because I have no way to work and I'm worried I'm gonna get fired for it even though I have PTO LMAO and this ship makes me feel safe and happy. --- I like to imagine that she found him lying face-down in the ground after the Millennium World arc with a fresh adult body, dubious mortality, and a chip on his shoulder a mile wide.
She looked after him and nursed him back to health. He repays his debts, so he sticks around. Then he starts getting...attached. She's an older woman, but what the hell does that mean to someone who's thousands of years old? Compared to Bakura, she's a mayfly. And they just have this very comfortable existence together. They have a quiet understanding that they're sticking together, and Izuku even accepts him as "Mom's friend Bakura" (and Bakura definitely doesn't see Izuku as the son he desperately wants with Inko, nope). As she starts to get older, Bakura realizes he can't age. He's immortal. And after he finds Inko crying one day, she confesses her feelings. She's in love with him, even though she knows she shouldn't be; he's handsome and so, so much younger than she is. But he tells her that it's okay, because he loves her too. And there may be a way for them to be together, even with their age difference... Cue him using magic and begging (well, more like demanding, but they see it for the desperation that it is) the Gods to bind his immortal soul with hers, so that they may have a shared existence. They take pity on the two lovers and allow their souls to be bound, with Inko's apparent age matching Bakura's. The stipulation for this is simple: They must do their will on Earth. They must protect the afterlife from interference after Kaiba decided to fuck with everything and bring the Pharaoh back to have a mortal life. They accept this, and continue to live a very quiet life together. Izuku is confused but happy for them. ... Though he does wish they'd act a little less like newlyweds whenever he's around...
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bigfootsmom · 2 years
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Are you the one to go to for kink recs then? If so, iwouldliketoseeitdotgif
hello anon, i don't know if i'm the person but i do love a good kink fic! A lot of my favorites are from awhile ago because i've been struggling with having the energy to read new stuff (my tbr is a mile long and i lost count of my tabs months ago).
I of course have to rec my amazing and wonderful and beloved girlfriend @dykemunson (sirencalls on ao3)! Her kinktober series from last october was AMAZING and i constantly am rereading it all the time it's so MWAH MWAH MWAH! and They have a fwb Buddie series as well! OH and also one where Buck does audio porn
Another favorite of mine is the amazingly talented @princessfbi's Buddie bdsm series that i reread all the time! Of course she's written other fantastic things like this series based off of drawings by Jayhsketch that you should 10/10 check out (also check out the art it is so so good)
@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels fics were actually what got me into watching 911, they are so so amazingly good. They hooked me with Witcher fic and I clicked on Love Like Taffy and the rest is history. So absolutely look through their works!!! The monsterfuckers symphony was chef's kiss amazing
Also i can't not mention @morganofthefairies good boy buck fic that drives me insane (affectionate) and I really think was a trend setter and one of the first of it's kind and another one of the first fics i read when i entered the 911 fandom.
I'm losing steam so a few more quick recs: @prettyboybuckley also did a kinktober series last october that was MWAH MWAH!! @holdmygum has a fantastic wonderful cumslut buck fic!!!!
And for the hell of it i'll rec myself because i'm damn proud of some of the fic i've written: buddie mirror sex, buddie cnc, and bucktaylor femdom
I'm sorry to anyone that i've missed my brain is just mush. These are also just a fraction of my favs and what I could think of off the top of my head. There are a lot of really talented writers that have written really good kink for the 911 fandom and I know I won't be able to name them all and I know that I haven't read them all. I'm really just scratching the tip of the ice berg so I really implore you to do you own searching on ao3 to find more incredible works and authors and to show them all support so they'll keep writing amazing kink!
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phlyaros · 1 year
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im gonna be real anon I don't care about label shit ship discourse I care about if real people are getting hurt and ONE reblog from someone being jokingly aggressive on the subject isn't enough to convince me that people are getting hurt when there's more evidence to the contrary. you've put me in a shitty situation here and I don't want to engage with it. please just ask people what they actually think next time before you go throwing your assumptions at other people.
#i trust enough that most of my mutuals understand the nuance needed of media depiction of unsavory subjects.#if i'm wrong then I'm wrong. okay. thank you.#i hate the dichotomy i hate the lack of nuance in this discussion I want people to actually talk to each other#I want people to realize that you can respect people with different opinions than you if they aren't actually hurting anyone#I'm literally. someone who was alone with me a lot as a kid is in prison for CP/solicitation. I think if anyone can say that media-#depiction of fucked up shit that really happens is more nuanced than 'x is bad so it shouldnt exist'#you cant do that in real life. you cant make something not exist. just because something fictional contains it doesnt mean it condones it.#im so tired. im so tired. why wasnt this a dm. i dont really want to have this discussion publicly.#i can think things are gross but understand that there's nuance to depiction and just because I don't like it doesn't mean those people-#-don't deserve to have something that understands them.#not everyone is good at actually. being mature enough to handle that nuance. when they try. people can be wrong#and if people ARE weird I can just not engage with them. there's. I can decide for myself!#and now I'M stuck in my brain is insane and. as if! as if people always reblog things they 100% agree with!#im so tired. im so tired. im in pain and people are messaging me about a singular reblog from six months ago on someone else's blog.#i understand being cautious i really do but thats like insane behavior. why are you putting this on me. why didn't you just talk to me.#fucked up things happen and people deserve to be understood. okay. even if i don't like it. there is no right answer. there is no world-#where all pain can be avoided. saving private ryan made vet suicides skyrocket. did you know that#but it also understood those people. yknow. and there's more people living that it understood too.#there's just so much nuance that's thrown out when you cover everything you don't like with a blanket. okay#it's more complicated. it's more complicated. please.#in my mind it's far stranger to assume everyone is out there giggling and twiddling their fingers thinking about in/cest#than it is to just assume they don't until proven otherwise.#im so tired. just block me if you don't understand where I'm coming from. I don't care about ship disco/urse and i dont want to live-#constantly worried about what other people think about shit that has no right answer.#everyone is innocent until proven guilty and one reblog of a joking aggressive post isnt enough for me. sorry.#phlyaros' nonsense#euurgh.#welcome to the internet where we judge people based on one reblogged joke and nothing else even if it contradicts us#what a perfect encapsulation of what I don't like about dichotomy argument#tw suicide
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thebewilderer · 2 months
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I mean this in a positive way, you remind me of watching Foamy the Squirrel as a tween. You’re interesting. Even if I don’t agree with everything you say, I’m glad you say it.
Sorry I didn't answer this immediately, I've been thinking about this ask for a while. I think this might be both the strangest and most flattering compliment I've ever received.
#thank you <3#i don't expect people to agree with me on everything for the record and i don't think worse of people who don't#you unlocked my backstory okay here we go:#so i was raised morally vegetarian in a tiny conservative town#and took ''don't kill things if you don't have to'' part of that and applied it to EVERYTHING (because to do otherwise is hypocritical imo)#i've never killed anything (on purpose) and i actively avoid doing so#the example i use that usually communicates this the best is the fact that i have never killed a mosquito. ever. i just shoo them away#but anyways. tiny conservative town.#so everyone i knew was either a meat eater or a flat out hunter#any friend i'd make? meat eater or hunter.#had to come to terms pretty quickly as a child that pretty much everyone has a different set of morals#and that it doesn't necessarily make someone a bad person if they don't share your particular set of morals#(so long as they don't go out of their way to cause harm yk)#i had a lot of moral dilemmas about this in grade school#like i was having genuine moral crises about what is good or bad and how can a person be good if they do bad things?? at like. 6 years old.#spent a LONG fucking time thinking about it and eventually concluded that killing something is excusable IF it's for an actual purpose/need#eating meat? i don't really technically approve but youre eating it so it's not like the creature died for nothing#killing spiders for the crime of Being In Your House? absolutely not and i will demand that you call me to rescue them instead#i'm getting distracted sorry i tend to ramble in tags#anyways. point is.#i know my particular set of morals is likely shared by zero other people on the planet#and some of them i feel more strongly about than others#but i don't ever expect anyone to completely agree with me on everything i say#bc that's unrealistic and silly#i tend to be more vocal about my odd set of morals on here than irl#but i still don't expect people to always agree with me#i really appreciate that you seem to think the same way anon#<3333#wish i knew who you were so i could better direct my appreciation and convey how incredibly flattered i am by this#feel free to dm me 👀
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ranboolivesaysstuff · 9 months
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IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ
Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.
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hanggarae · 8 months
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WAYS WE CAN HELP PALESTINE:
as of 9am today, 8131 palestinians were killed, 20438 are injured and 1.4 million have been displaced. it’s important for all of us to help palestine in as many ways as we can.
i also cannot stress how much just spreading awareness in general can help. staying silent because of your discomfort is not an excuse to sit by while a genocide takes place. when we learn about these events in history we often think “how was this allowed to happen?” but that’s exactly what’s happening now and it’s our responsibility to not sit by and let an entire country be wiped out. i will continue adding more ways to help to this post and i’d really appreciate it if anyone can spread this as much as possible.
it’s important to get educated on everything going on in palestine right now, here are some sources that could help!
decolonize palestine - made by two palestinians, answers a lot of questions regarding everything right now (including debunking a lot of myths from biased news stations) and provides a lot of historical context.
list of documentaries to watch if you want to gain further knowledge
list of accounts to follow on twitter that can also provide information
linktree with information
you can also donate to organisations! even if you can’t donate tons of money, you can help by spreading these links so others can also try to donate!
red crescent
PCRF
MAP
doctors w/o borders
palestinian social fund
palestinian in pain launch good
this website is free and uses ad revenue for donations, all you need to do is click it once daily!
some more places you can donate to and some more
boycotting will also help!! also some of the kpop idols we stan have brand deals with ones that support 🇮🇱 so please let’s not interact with their posts with those brands
list from BDS of companies to boycott
signing petitions!
write to representatives and demand they retract their support of 🇮🇱
ways to contact local governments about helping palestine
if you’re in the uk here’s a link to contact your local MP
change org ceasefire petition
Text "CEASEFIRE" to 51905 if you live in America. The link provided leads you to a page to sign and call for a ceasefire once the goal is met. They are so close to meeting its goal!!
here's a link that lets you send a letter directly to your state representatives
here are some threads that will also give you ways to help.
thread of things we can do to help palestine
HOW TO HELP PALESTINE!! resources and links to other threads on how to donate and spread awareness of what's happening in palestine currently!!! a thread 🧵
here’s what we know, and links to donate to help aid palestinians, a thread:
Here is a list of list of resources and people you can follow to educate yourself on what’s going on in Palestine RIGHT NOW🇵🇸
Ways US, Canada, and UK residents can reach out to their state representatives and MPs to call for ceasefire in Gaza:
if there are any more sources that you would like me to add pls send me an ask or dm me !!
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diordeer · 4 months
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౨ৎ BEWITCHED
“you bewitch me every damn second you're with me, i try to think straight but I'm falling so badly, i’m coming apart, you wrote me a note, cast a spell on my heart” - laufey (smau)
contains: charlie bushnell x model!reader
description: me looking at my 50 drafts, choosing to ignore them and to do a new fic that i most likely wont finish for another week
requested by: anon 🫣
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Liked by zendaya, iamcharliebushnell and others
yn.ln thank you so much for having me ! ❤️
View all comments.
user1 WHAT IS CHARLIE DOING THERE?!
↳ yn.ln idk i just randomly found him and now he keeps following me around
↳ iamcharliebushnell ok first of all i do not keep following you around
↳ yn.ln you literally flew with me to the show i was in
↳ iamcharliebushnell that is NOT the point
↳ user8 thats so cute 😖
user2 ugh you are so gorgeous i cantt
user3 yn devours EVERY time 😍😍
syndey_sweeney i lovee youu
↳ yn.ln love u more pooks
walker.scobell why is HE there 😟
↳ iamcharliebushnell what did i do?!!
↳ yn.ln you’ve always done something
↳ walker.scobell ^^^
zendaya 😍😍😍😍
↳ yn.ln ahh love u !
user4 to be yn, or to be with yn?
↳ iamcharliebushnell i pick be with
↳ user4 HELLO?!
↳ user5 WHAT?
↳ yn.ln 😦🫢
↳ user6 WHAT IS HAPPENING?!
↳ aryansimhadri charlie…
↳ user7 u guys r so dramatic
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iamcharliebushnell just working… working hard to please ya 😉
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user1 oh thats so yn
user2 NO BUT LIKE WHATS HAPPENING WITH HIM AND YN?!
↳ user3 REAL LIKE THEY R JUST POSTING PHOTOS OF EACH OVER WITH NO CONTEXT
user4 belieber charlie?!
user10 ok… ignoring the elephant in the room, charlies real cute in those photos 🫣
walker.scobell be so for real charlie
↳ iamcharliebushnell i am “so for real”
yn.ln save that for the dms 🙄
↳ user7 THESE PEOPLE-
↳ iamcharliebushnell my sincerest apology 🧎
user6 is justin beiber real
dior.n.goodjohn this is low even for you
↳ iamcharliebushnell the hate?!
↳ leahsavajeffries its true
user8 wait so are they actually dating?
↳ user6 idk bc like they post each over very suggestively but never actually announced anything?
↳ user9 do they really need to announce anything though… like they are VERY obvious
yn.ln just posted on their story
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yn.ln we are just really good friends 🤷‍♀️
tagged iamcharliebushnell
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user1 THE GRIP
user2 OH MY GOD?!
dior.n.goodjohn im so shocked! Im so suprised! I never saw this coming!
↳ walker.scobell what a turn of tables!
↳ aryansimhadri i jumped in shock!
↳ leahsavajeffries watch mojo top plot twists!
↳ iamcharliebushnell 😕
user3 we ALL saw this coming lets be honest
↳ user2 STILL?! OMG! GOING CRAZY!!
iamcharliebushnell so quoting justin beiber, and following people around works!
↳ yn.ln oh! thats not-
↳ user4 mans gonna accidentally start a chain of stalkers
user5 OMGG DREAM COUPLE
user6 does anyone know how they actually met eachover?
↳ user7 probs through friends, yn knows like everyone
user8 the only thing shocking about this is how LONG it took them to be official
taglist: @lostinhisworld @lizziesfirstwife @auttumnsayshi @silkenthusiasts @taygrls @kidkrowk @kanojous @niktwazny303 @m00ng4z3r @highfidelities @b0ok-lover @vamplyle
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steddiealltheway · 4 months
Text
It's Cass Day!!!! Happy happy happy happy birthday @henderdads. i love you so so much, and I'm so thankful that you let me plot all my fics and ficlets (including this one ha!) in your dms. (and of course, I'm thankful for you forever and always for everything). I hope you enjoy and have a wonderful birthday :))))
Wednesday afternoons are Steve’s favorite afternoon out of the whole week.
There’s something about pushing a squeaky cart around the local grocery store and making small talk with the Wednesday regulars - a gossipy book club of moms who do their shopping at the same time so they have more time to complain about their husbands - that really fills Steve heart. (Or maybe it’s just the slight bitchy side of him that loves to rag on Elizabeth’s husband Tom who really needs to get his head out of his ass and appreciate the beauty in front of him, and of course he can’t forget Charles, Lisa’s dick of a husband who apparently doesn’t know what a date night is, oh! And Margaret’s husband Al… and really, he could go on about these husbands for hours without getting tired of it)
Really, he loves the routine of it all. And the way the women dote on him for being so kind to his girlfriend back home - which he constantly reminds them is not his girlfriend. But he sometimes wishes the groceries in his cart and the scribbled list in his hand was for someone he could go back home to greet with a kiss. (After giving Robin a hug of course, because in any fantasy, some of those things on that list and in the cart are always going to be for Robin).
But really, it would be nice to have someone to brag about to the group. Maybe bring up their spirits that love is not lost and-
Steve stops in his tracks, all thoughts gone from his head as he does a double take at the magazine rack near the checkout. And yeah, he knows that Corroded Coffin is popular. Hell, he’s seen Eddie’s face on the same rack at least five times before. But never like this.
The picture on the front page is taken at a lower angle, with Eddie clad in leather pants and a tight mesh black shirt that might be a crop top, but Steve can’t tell with the way Eddie’s guitar is covering his midriff, hands flying over the frets, showing off silver rings glimmering under the stage lights including the one that Steve helped Dustin pick out for him as a celebratory gift. But as Steve’s eyes trace over Eddie’s bare arms and the stark black tattoos, he’s led to wild curls perfectly framing Eddie’s face which stares down at the cords, mouth parted in an ‘o’ shape and eyebrows knitted together in concentration in a way that makes Steve feel weak in the knees.
And Steve’s suddenly hit with the question: Why didn’t anyone tell him that Eddie was hot???
He snatches the magazine off the rack before he can even really think about it, and tries not to think of what the moms will say about him when he leaves.
Maybe they’ll stop assuming he has a girlfriend at home at least.
During his drive home, he can’t help but think about the magazine laying between the loaf of bread and carton of ice cream that were packed together by the newest bag boy - which the ladies have a lot to say about, but Steve can’t think of anything besides that damn picture.
Once he’s back at the apartment, he puts the groceries away at an alarmingly fast rate, before making his way to the couch and laying back with the magazine in his hands.
It’s nice to see Eddie on the front cover of a magazine without it being attached to some weird scandal that Eddie had nothing to do with. Usually it’s an ill timed photo because he always happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But this time…
Steve let’s out a deep breath and flips through the magazine, hoping that there’s some type of interview with more pictures that he can secretly stare at and panic about later.
There’s a bunch of boring looking articles and ads until he spots a page with bright red lettering and a number of pictures. Steve can’t help but wet his lips when he opens the page to find a picture of Eddie smiling at something off camera, looking totally different from the front cover. He just looks like… Eddie.
Yet, Steve finds his heart racing even harder at this picture, missing those dimples and that glimmer of mischief in Eddie’s eyes that’s usually directed at him. And Steve suddenly wonders what or who Eddie's looking at, feeling a bloom of jealousy in his chest.
He glances away from the picture and scans the page for another one. He smiles when he sees Eddie with the rest of his band mates, leaning heavily on Jeff while pulling his signature expression, nearly elbowing Jeff in the ribs to do his devil horns.
Steve laughs at Jeff’s face scowling down at him while Gareth and Frank cackle beside them. He wonders when they’ll be back in town.
Wait.
Steve dog ears the page before running up to his calendar where Robin had written “Dustin’s favorite day ever” on the upcoming Friday.
“Oh no,” Steve mutters to himself. That’s way too damn soon for Eddie to come home after Steve’s realization. He needs to give him at least two weeks to panic and process.
Okay, if Eddie was there with him, the panicking and processing would probably happen in two hours- no, minutes- maybe even seconds. But giving Steve two days is not the right amount of time. That’s just enough time for Steve to really start and settle into the panic. But hey, maybe he can dedicate the next twenty-four hours to panicking and the twenty-four hours after that to processing. Right?
Absolutely. He can do this.
-:-:-:-:-:-
"Robin, I can't do this."
Robin rolls her eyes at him. "I can't believe one picture wrecked you."
"It's not my fault! It's the damn photographer and whoever put that picture on the front cover," Steve complains, running a hand through his hair. "They're the ones who made me think of him like that."
"Uh huh."
Steve glances over at Robin who looks completely engrossed in painting her nails a deep purple color that looks black from where Steve is standing. He glances at himself in the mirror, nervously styling his hair before picking up the magazine from where it has made a permanent home on the coffee table. He flops down on the couch next to Robin who yelps and groans, "You made me smudge my nail polish!"
"We have more important things to worry about than the state of your nail polish."
Robin carefully cleans around the edge of her nail, stained with the dark color before turning to Steve. "Yes, the sudden realization that Eddie is hot is very important to me."
"You know what I mean," Steve sighs, leaning back against the couch as he opens the magazine to his favorite picture of Eddie in this edition. He looks at it for a moment, immediately closing it when he realizes he's smiling.
Robin blows on her nails and frowns before glancing back at Steve. "Okay. He's going to be here in less than an hour. How can I help you? Although, I really don't think you'll need my help at all."
"What do you mean?" Steve asks, a pinch forming between his brows.
Robin gives him a look. "You're going to act weird around him. He's going to eventually pick up on it. And then you're going to confess all these feelings you're having and then..." Robin has a sudden look of realization and immediate disappointment. "Then, I'm going to have to find somewhere else to stay tonight since you told Eddie he could stay here on the couch, which is not going to happen after your little confession."
"He's going to leave?" Steve asks quickly in confusion and slight panic.
Robin huffs, "No, he's going to be staying in your bed. And I really do not want to hear that."
Steve frowns. "You don't even know if he thinks I'm hot."
A look passes over Robin's face, first humor, then a bit of confusion, disbelief, and, once again, disappointment. "Steve," she asks, grabbing his hand, eyes staring hard into his. "This whole time you've had the magazine, you never read the interview?" Robin asks as if it's the most important question she's ever asked him.
"Why would I read it?" Steve asks with a shake of his head. When Robin's jaw drops, he gets the sudden message that he is definitely missing something. He snatches up the magazine and flips it open, somehow not getting to the interview right away although he was sure that he opened it to that page so much that it permanently creased the spine.
Just as he gets to it. There's a loud, persistent knock on the door.
Steve's and Robin's eyes meet in a panic. "Hide the magazine," Robin all but hisses as she makes it to the door raising her voice to say, "We have neighbors! Keep it down, dingus!"
Steve looks around, wondering if he can shove the magazine under the couch, but he knows Eddie would somehow see it in his antics. When he spots the stack of magazines on their side table, he rushes to put the magazine right in the middle of them. Hiding in plain sight. Perfect.
He stands up as soon as the door swings open, trying not to look guilty and failing miserably, only to breathe a sigh of relief when he realizes it's only Dustin. "Henderson," he says with a goofy smile launching into their handshake and ending it with a quick laugh, knocking off Dustin's hat to ruffle his hair.
When Dustin starts complaining about his hat being on the floor, Steve bends down to pick it up, only for a pale, ring-clad hand to grab onto it at the same time Steve does.
Steve glances up and locks eyes with Eddie. His heart starts to pound at an alarming rate as he takes in the familiar deep brown irises, moving on to take in the slight blush on Eddie's cheeks alongside a wide smile. "Steeeve Harrington," Eddie drawls out, the way he does when he hasn't seen him in a while.
"Munson," Steve says with a nod, a wide smile tugging at his lips that he tries to push down, as he always does when it comes to Eddie as if pretending not to care. The same way he does when he's trying to get someone to like him...
Oh.
Shit, he doesn't just think he's hot. He likes him. Hell, he's liked him for a long time even. And now he has even less time to panic about that.
Steve glances up, finding that Eddie has stood up, hat still between their hands as he stares down confusedly at Steve. He offers a hand, and Steve takes it, easily being pulled up into his space. He lingers close to Eddie, eyes dipping down to his lips, realizing how much he wants- needs this.
He glances up at Eddie, finding his pupils blown wide and his brow furrowed. And Steve finally feels that electricity that he's been searching months- no, years for.
"Am I getting my hat back?" Dustin asks, clearly annoyed.
Steve and Eddie both shove the hat over at the same time, eyes reluctantly leaving each other, only for Steve to see Robin giving him an unimpressed look. He can practically see her trying to figure out who she's going to call to spend the night with.
Steve glances back at Eddie and rushes out, "It's- uh, good to see you again."
Eddie grabs a strand of hair and pulls it in front of his face, kicking nothing as he says, "You miss me, Steve?"
Steve shakes his head automatically, "No." He turns to Dustin and asks him when the others are getting there, but his question is answered when the door opens behind them again.
"Do you guys knock?" Robin asks, stealing the words out of Steve's mouth.
"Do you guys lock your door?" Mike snarks back.
Steve sighs and moves to Robin's side, watching as the kids all greet Eddie excitedly. "Why don't they greet us like that?" Steve quietly bitches.
"Because we're not famous and gone all the time," Robin answers with a frown. "By the way, tonight is going totally as I planned."
Steve rolls his eyes. "No, it is not. I have been acting completely normally around him."
"Yeah, because you two have the tendency to eye fuck each other for an uncomfortable amount of time." Robin pauses and considers what she said. "Actually, I take that back. You two are acting completely normal."
"Since when do we-"
"Hey," Eddie says, successfully cutting Steve off, "When the pizzas get here, I'm paying."
Robin nudges Steve in the side after a few seconds pass, and Steve can't help but stare at the man instead of processing anything he said. "Hmm?"
"I'm paying for the pizza you all ordered," Eddie says, brows still furrowed. "Are you okay?"
Steve nods and crosses his arms. "Yes, it's just that we didn't order any pizza."
"But Dustin said..." Eddie trails off and glances at the kids. "Those little shits."
"Someone needs to give them a stern talking to."
Eddie raises his brows. "Are you shirking your co-parenting duties while I'm away?"
Steve huffs out a laugh. "Don't worry, I'm keeping your sheep in line."
Eddie offers him a big smile and leans in to say, "Sorry, I can't be here often, sweetheart."
Steve shoves him away with a roll of his eyes, ignoring the way his heart flutters at the nickname. "Go do your part and entertain them."
"And pay for the food!" Eddie reminds him yet again, walking toward the group, eyes not leaving Steve.
"My hero," Steve says, taking a page from Eddie's book of dramatics by crossing his hands over his heart and fluttering his lashes.
Eddie stops in his tracks, looking over him before shaking his head and going to the table where everyone is setting up.
"That was painful to witness," Robin says, scaring the shit out of Steve. She crosses her arms. "Did you really forget I was here?" When Steve doesn't respond, she walks away, muttering, "Unbelievable."
Steve runs a hand through his hair, willing his heart to slow down before he has to sit through this long-ass campaign - that he secretly really enjoys, but no one except Robin will ever know.
-:-:-:-:-:-
A few hours later, Steve finds himself giving the kids hugs as they rush out his door, nearly missing their curfew. When they make their way to Eddie, he whispers to Robin, "See, the night didn't go as planned at all."
Robin raises her eyebrows at him and whispers back, "Yeah, you're not going to act weird at all when you two are alone."
Steve gives her a panicked look. "What do you mean- you're not leaving are you?"
Robin throws her hands up in a shrug as she backs up into her room, leaving the door open as she very obviously packs an overnight bag. Steve wonders if there is any way to stop her without alerting Eddie.
"What's Buckley doing?" Eddie asks, startling Steve. Eddie reaches out and lays a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay? You've been on edge all night."
Steve nods automatically. "Yeah, I'm fine." And yeah, he is fine. And he has not been on edge at all because that would mean that Robin is right.
Speak of the devil... "I'm heading out tonight! You two have fun," Robin says with a salute. "I'll see you tomorrow." Before Steve or Eddie can stop her, she's already out the door, leaving them entirely alone. Steve doesn't even remember when the kids all left.
"I'm guessing you know what that's about," Eddie says, eyebrows disappearing under his bangs as he stares at the door.
"No idea," Steve replies, making his way back to the dining area to clean up the remaining mess the teens made, and really he was going to have to give them another lecture about cleaning up after themselves.
"Steve," Eddie says softly.
Steve hums in response but doesn't dare to look his way as he stacks up various empty plastic cups.
"Steve," Eddie tries again.
And Steve knows that tone. Knows that if he fully engages, Eddie will want to have a serious conversation which is not something they often do. So he just keeps cleaning until there's nothing left to do except brush imaginary crumbs off the table.
"Steve," Eddie says, voice impossibly close to him.
Steve takes a deep breath and turns to him, heart skipping a beat when he finds Eddie hovering in his space.
"What's going on?" Eddie asks gently.
Steve shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. "Nothing." He quickly moves away from Eddie, grabbing a napkin off one of the kitchen counters and tossing it into the trash on his way to the living room.
"Why are you acting weird?"
"I'm not," Steve says, resting his hands on his hips in the same way he does when the kids start to annoy him.
Eddie raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms, staring but not saying anything.
Steve stares back, jutting his hip out in a show of how adamant he is about his answer.
After a few tense seconds pass by, Eddie slowly walks closer to him, and Steve fights for his eyes to not flicker down to his lips. When Eddie is within arms reach, he leans forward. "Steve, what is wrong?"
Steve shrugs nonchalantly, but his eyes betray him and flicker to the stack of magazines beside the couch. He tries to keep his features carefully blank, but he sees the moment Eddie realizes there is something significant about that glance.
Before Steve can stop him, Eddie is diving down to the magazines, snatching up the whole stack in his arms. Steve moves forward to grab them, only to realize his error when Eddie scoots back and smiles wildly. "This is it, isn't it? What, did you hide a filthy magazine inside here or something?"
"Eddie..." Steve warns, standing above him, hands still on his hips.
Eddie smiles before turning his eyes to the stack and leafing through them. Steve moves down quickly, knocking the magazines out of his hands as he practically straddles Eddie. He stares down at him, eyes wide, about to move back when he notices Eddie's eyes resting on his stomach.
Steve glances down between them only to see the image of Eddie on the front cover staring back at him.
"Shit, I didn't know they released that yet," Eddie says, laying fully back, hands dragging over his face. He lets them rest there before spreading his fingers to ask, "You read the interview, didn't you?"
"No," Steve says honestly.
Eddie frowns and props himself up on his elbows. "When did you get this?"
"Wednesday." And curse his damn mouth for rambling without his permission.
"You got this two days ago but haven't read the interview?" Eddie's expression shifts from fearful to cocky. "Steve Harrington, did you buy this just to stare at me?"
"No," Steve says, crossing his arms.
Eddie sits up fully, and Steve becomes very aware of the way he's still sitting on top of Eddie's thighs. "Did you get all flustered about this?" Eddie asks, holding up the magazine teasingly.
Steve's eyes flicker to the front cover again, and his lips suddenly feel very dry. His tongue darts out to wet his lips. He glances back at Eddie and shrugs. "You look fine."
"Has anyone ever told you you're a bad liar?"
"Has anyone ever told you you need to get your ego in check?"
Eddie smirks at him. "Why would I need to do that when I know Steeeeve Harrington bought the magazine with my face on it?"
"Stop saying my name like that," Steve says, leaning forward trying to be menacing, but only satisfying Eddie by getting closer to him.
"Why? Steeev-" Eddie's cut off when Steve suddenly moves forward and kisses him, hands flying up into his curls to pull him closer.
Steve stills before pulling back, searching Eddie's eyes.
"You...?" Eddie asks before raking a hand through his hair. "You actually bought it to stare at me?"
Steve rolls his eyes. "You already knew that since I'm 'such a bad liar,'" Steve says adding air quotes.
"I was hoping you were. Christ, Steve, this?" Eddie asks, holding up the magazine.
Steve runs a hand through his hair. "You look hot!"
"Christ," Eddie says again, this time dropping the magazine to pull Steve into another kiss. He breaks it to mumble, "I can't believe you haven't read the damn interview." His hands run through Steve's hair messing up the strands before he pulls back suddenly. "Wait."
"Yeah?" Steve asks as Eddie's eyes practically glaze over in panic.
Eddie's chest heaves for a second before he says, "Fuck, you bought it because you thought I'm hot not because... fuck." He looks away from Steve and stares down at the magazine as if it personally offended him.
"Huh?" Steve asks, knees starting to ache on the hardwood floor. He climbs off of Eddie with a groan, but Eddie must take it wrong because he almost immediately stands up.
"Sorry, it's stupid," Eddie says with a humorless laugh. "Hey, do you think Buckley will be upset if I take her bed for the night? It's been a long day, and I'm about ready to clonk out."
Steve can feel his face morph into an expression of bewilderment. "Eddie, what?"
Eddie shakes his head. "Yeah, you're right. Dumb idea. Robin would kill me. I'll take the couch like usual."
Steve carefully stands and steps into Eddie's space, but Eddie sidesteps him easily. He watches as he flops down on the couch, refusing to look at him.
Steve's eyes settle back on the magazine, reaching down to grab it to find whatever the hell is in that interview.
"Steve, please don't."
Steve ignores Eddie the same way he ignored him, opening the magazine to the same page his eyes have landed on several times before. His eyes settle on the image of Eddie before moving to the words, skimming before he finds his own name staring back at him. He backtracks, looking at the question and answer.
Do you guys have any sources of inspiration?
Jeff: Oh, Eddie sure does.
Frank: He has what you might call a muse back at home.
Eddie: Please shut up.
Gareth: A beautiful muse with the most beautiful hair you've ever seen.
Eddie: Please stop talking about Stevie.
Jeff: He's just shy when it comes to his little crush.
Eddie: Next question, please.
Steve glances up at Eddie who sits red-faced on the couch. He clears his throat. "They told me they would cut it out entirely, but then they reached out later saying it was too good not to publish, but they did me the favor of changing your name to something more feminine so they didn't out me. Still fucked though. I'm sorry you got pulled into this mess."
Steve looks back at the magazine and then at Eddie. "Is it true?"
Eddie groans and lays back on the couch dramatically. "Please don't make me answer that. I've gotten enough shit from the guys, and I know you don't feel that way about me. It's okay that you only find me hot, I'll take what I can."
It hits Steve all at once what Eddie's sudden dramatics are about. "Oh my god. Eddie, I like you, too!"
Eddie's head pops up. "What?"
Steve turns the magazine to him and points at the picture of Eddie laughing. "This is what I've been so flustered and weird about. Yes, the front cover made me realize that, hey, I find you really attractive. But I've been staring at this picture for way longer, and I didn't know why until you got here tonight. And it hit me that I like you. I think I have for a long time, but I just didn't connect the dots before."
"You like me?" Eddie echos, dumbfounded.
Steve laughs. "Yes, I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't have feelings for you."
"That's a fucking relief," Eddie says, scrambling off the couch and racing to pull Steve into another kiss.
Steve smiles into the kiss, pulling Eddie as close to him as possible as Eddie attempts to do the same.
"I'm going to give that photographer the biggest tip ever," Eddie says breaking the kiss for a moment only to kiss him again.
Steve smiles so wide that he can barely kiss Eddie back. When they break away, Steve says, "I'm going to have to buy another."
"Why?"
"I have to get the front picture and the interview framed," Steve says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Of course," Eddie says with a laugh before wrapping his arms around Steve and pulling him in close. "I missed you so much."
"I missed you, too," Steve replies.
They hold each other for a while, not willing to break the moment until a sudden thought has Steve groaning.
"What?" Eddie asks, pulling back to look at him.
"Robin was right."
Eddie smiles. "When is she not?"
"Never," Steve answers simply.
They stand in each other's arms just happy to be so close, taking each other in as if it's for the first time. Steve wonders what to tell the Wednesday regulars and how they'd respond if he introduced Eddie to them. He thinks back to Lisa's comments about how the group should just date each other and how Sarah had responded with a little too much enthusiasm, and Steve thinks things will be just fine.
"What are you thinking about?"
Steve shakes his head with a smile. "What are you doing this Wednesday?" he asks, making a mental note to add two frames, another magazine, and Robin's favorite ice cream to the list.
"Anything you want," Eddie replies easily.
And with that, Steve finds himself looking forward to his Wednesday afternoon even more than usual.
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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i actually really enjoy writing for school
#🌙.rambles#doing the collage application essay rn for r&w#due in 1.5 hours uhh i just started a bit ago so i haven't actually written anything in the essay itself#but i have notes n i have a draft in my head of how i visualize it#i helped apollo a bit w theirs as well :>#i loveeee academic writing like this#;w;; i wna help others w their school writing#i wna tell my irls that but hmmm#sobs i'm a bit tired of giving one irl help bcs she doesn't return it#idm i don't expect anything from her n i love to help anyways but it gets tiring at times i think#🫠 i would really love to relate our answers in subjects like perdev#n philo. i want to know our values. not sharing answers for our assignments tho just yk sharing after we've already submitted#or i cld help them a bit with analyzing themselves#my close friends aren't really those kind of ppl tho 🥹 i have apollo to talk to at least thankfully#i wldn't mind i value everyone's individuality but it gets tiring when i feel alone yk?#but it's easier for me to relate this through voice rather than text but#i'm shit at initiating vcs even more so than dms or wtvr#like oh man pls believe me when i say i enjoy talking to ppl. i really do. but i srs get anxious with initiating n i'm trying to fix that#i don't think i've properly called with anyone other than apollo for nearly two months now ?#qwq hmmm i'll continue writing soon but i just need to write this off my mind#i really value authenticity. i'm an open and honest person at my core#i tend to hesitate though at times. i'm not really one to initiate but i'm definitely actively listening n formulating subjective n#objective opinions on it. formulated based on the kind of person i know you to be as well as yeah in general judging it as a whole#sobs i wish though that my friends were more openly insightful. i love listening to others and sharing/relating our own opinions n thoughts#but i'm not one to initiate. if one were to ask directly and read me well then i would definitely open up#ngl i'm not used to being read by others bcs i'm usually the one sharing my perceptions on others in order to give advice#aaah i shld really continue writing but i really do love helping others so please don't hesitate to reach out to me#i probably seem really sad on tumblr but i actually generally manage pretty well. i guess this is just#one of the only places i can allow muself to be more vulnerable about my weaknesses to other ppl bcs it isn't direct. i'm just dumping it#i know the kind of person i am n what i cld be. recent months tho i think i've been struggling tho in a way that hmm
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yeslordmyking · 2 years
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Just woke up and prayed for God to get Jackson to Heaven for like an hour. Am I ever going to stop obsessing over things and people that will never have anything to do with my life? 🙄
#like you don't stop praying for someone right? but at some point you have to accept that maybe something is not part of God's plan#you can't beg hard enough. you can't force it through prayer. you can't sent enough unnoticed dms and verses#you can't make God change His mind because it matters to you and your little spec of a life that much#of course gripping hard to the hope that God will say yes when the time is right he will obey the gospel and enter Heaven#whenever I wake up I can't help but wonder if Jackson's done anything to bring himself nearer or farther from God and just panic pray#I still don't know if it's something I'm meant to care about and continue or just a silly wordly obsession I need to let go of#I've already tried letting go. But... who can just give up and accept someone they (delusionally) care about might not be saved?#does God really ask that of us? to just accept that for our loved ones? no way right....#btw I saw Jackson refer to his fans as 'loved ones' on twitter and I'm devastated that I'm probably not included in that#I'm not worthy of being considered jacky or ahgase or stan or fan of anyone or anything anymore....#why love anybody but God that deeply... no matter how much good and potential you see in them... right? God says don't be inspired by man..#so how can I dare to think highly about people and see good in them?#goodness this is torture. I keep saying I can't care anymore but instead I care MORE. I'm not supposed to. I was never supposed to...#I'll keep praying until I'm 9000% positive God doesn't want me to have a single thought or care towards Jackson ever again....#I truly hope that never ever happens until I know he's saved. then I'll relax. a little...#anyway have I mortifyingly embarrassed myself enough yet and exposed my shameful heart#gotta go. shame me while I'm gone. for whatever reason I keep coming back to my dead blog like there's something here for me....#laters gators#quoting mcu even though I'm supposed to not love that anymore either 🤪🤪🤪 k bye forreal
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