#if anyone feels just half as emotional after this than from the mv then my work here is done

[takitakidancetillthesunriseyea]

Madness and Emotion - A Halateez Coded Song Analysis.

It’s been rolling through my head for a while that Crazy Form could be Halateez. That perhaps Will (or at least the first half of it) is from their perspective. It would be in line with the color schemes and the general dark theme of the of the album. That and some of the concept photos seem to really lean that way.

Like, look at these concept photos & tell me they’re not Halateez coded

It really got me thinking though, if Will is Halateez then a lot of the lyrics we’re used to seeing in other songs would mean different things. There are a lot of lyrics and themes we can easily connect to Feverteez and their story arc, but not nearly as many we can connect to Halateez. It’s been years since we’ve been introduced to the concept of Halateez, and yet we still don’t know much about them other than they’re from Strictland and we’re leading a revolution until they were captured.

I know many people debate if Halateez and Feverteez are the same people or different people. Generally I think of them as different people, because even if they were the same originally their different life experiences would’ve made them different on the inside. (Although I admit, this album made me wonder if perhaps the theories ab them merging/being the same person at some point, are true.)

I’m not necessarily saying that every song on the album is Halateez, because we can’t know that one way or the other for sure. (You have no idea how long I’ve been tearing my hair out over this.) But what I can tell you is that Will feels different. Outlaw is crazy! Outlaw is chaos! But Will is different. Will is desperation to the point of madness.

Something I don’t think Feverteez is capable of right now.

So without further ado, here’s my vaguely Halateez perspective song analysis. (We Know/Emergency/Arriba/Silver Light)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

WE KNOW

This song is by far a favorite of mine on the album. It comes on strong. It’s powerful. There’s desperation and challenge in it, as thought it’s the beginning of something bigger.

It’s The Comeback. It’s their comeback. Halateez.

One thing I found interesting as I was reading the lyrics is how much it seems as though they are both the hunters and the hunted. They’re back and they’re coming after you. But who is you? The government? Z? The brainwashed citizens of Strictland?

I swear, “I’m the morning,” always gives me chills. It’s so perfect for the role they’re playing because it connects both to the idea of waking up and also to imagery of the sun rising in the darkness. Dawn. In Wave, the concept of ‘the wave’ is that of a challenge a trial. They’re sending a warning because they are the challenge.

When I think of a wave I imagine something huge, overwhelming, something bigger than just them. Halateez is back, but it’s not just them. Feverteez is still a symbol of hope sure, but Halateez is the og. I would guess that even though many people are willing to join the revolution while Feverteez is spearheading it, many more would show up to follow Halateez especially if they pull a Jesus and come back from their ‘presumed deadness’. That would make sense connected to the title of the album. Will. A word that makes me think of the phrase ‘the will of the people’. As the Crazy Form MV suggests, they’re assembling their own little army of progressively growing number. Their own Wave made of the citizens of Strictland.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I see this as a threat to Z & anyone who’ll stand by him, but also as a message of hope to anyone trapped so deep in the blackhole of emotionless existence that they don’t think they can escape. However…I wonder if part of it is directed towards Feverteez too, as a warning not to get sucked into the false dreams as they have a habit of doing. (Which would be kinda funny if the unit songs are Feverteez in dreams again ToT)

Even if Feverteez has been doing their best to help people, in the end it’s still Halateez’s world. In the end they’re the ones with the most power in the revolution. They are back and they are coming for you. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“-thunder will turn the lights on…” I’m going to assume that this reference to ‘thunder’ is supposed to mean Thunder the undercover organization within Prestige Academy. So Halateez (and Feverteez) have teamed up with Thunder (as in the Diaries) and are trusting them to “turn the lights on”. My theory on that is very much connected to the Will diaries. At the end of the Will diaries Thunder’s leader, (the Be Free girl) is sent in to meet Z, an undercover mission that would bring her to very center of the Strictland regime. If she is caught showing emotion everything will be blown, but if she manages to stay hidden, she’ll be able to relay information straight from the government’s head office to Thunder and the Black Pirates (Halateez’s revolutionary group that Feverteez has been working with). My guess is that turning the lights on is supposed to mean shedding light on the terrible things Z has done. Releasing information that no one else should know and making it clear who’s really the bad guys.

Halateez is finally ready to reveal themselves to the world, they’re no longer waiting or hiding. It is the right time to come out and stand as they are. (Likely alongside Feverteez somehow.)

I’d also like to mention how cool the last line is, because it comes through with very real world implications. “My mic’s on” is a very kpop thing to say, (for obvious reasons) at concerts etc. BUT it’s also very applicable to the idea of ‘be careful I’m not afraid to say what needs to be said’ it’s a thinly veiled threat about revealing the truth. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Emergency

Frankly this song is so concerning. The first time I read the lyrics I was a little bit scared for the tone of this whole album. This whole song is just pure Dionysian madness. No matter what iteration of Ateez you think Will is, Emergency is concerning.

This whole chunk of lyrics could be connected to irl Ateez, (five years since mainstream, etc…) which would be pretty depressing, but also something which is necessary to think about. Even when looking at things from a Lore™️ perspective, realizing how it applies to real life is important to understanding the perspective. From an irl perspective, lore aside, this song is about getting lost in fame. Endless parties, endless emergencies, and a life you can’t go back to. The pressure closing in. Losing yourself in the game.

Which, though not exactly what Halateez/Feverteez is feeling, it’s pretty darn close. This song, lore perspective, is still about the pressure closing in and losing yourself in the game. The biggest differences is that Halateez is infamous rather than famous, and the pressure is quite literally the fear of death. So, uh yea. This could be Feverteez, sure, finally crumbling under the pressure of having to save a world that isn’t their own. But I really, really, believe it’s Halateez. Why? First, overall Halateez is rougher around the edges than Feverteez. Second, (and most important) how long has Halateez had emotion? If we assume The Real is their backstory we can say they’ve had emotion since Highschool….right? But if it’s not, then how long has it been? 5 years?? More???

Is that really enough to feel the depths of despair and come back from it? Is that really enough time to learn to control how you feel? Sometimes do they wish they’d never woken their emotions?

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I’m going to agree with Tiny Bug Ink on this one, that the Light is another reference to their treasure. (their video here) But what is their treasure. We know what Feverteez treasures are from the first diaries. But do we know what Halateez’s are? Are they the same?

“A wish I’ve fervently desired from the beginning of the explosion.” This isn’t something Feverteez would say. The explosion is the revolution, but Halateez is the only one who saw the beginning of the revolution, they started it, they got the ball rolling.

Why? Why did they start the revolution? They wanted Freedom.

Freedom is their treasure.

It took me a week to realize this, but the phrase “Who is gonna play?” along with the “You better run, hide & seek.” from We Know and Yeosang’s hopscotch part from Bouncy are all probably supposed to connect to the idea of The Game. (Something Tiny Bug Ink pointed out in this video)

Throughout the whole World Series (yet another phrase associated with games), Ateez has consistently referred to the world as a game. These lines are just a few of the many that connect the concepts, and I’m not quite sure their meaning in the long term, but it is really interesting. As of this song they’ve lost their hope. They’ve lost their trust in the world and maybe even each other. They’re stuck in emotional limbo drowning themselves in alcohol. Thinking of the events of the Will diaries I don’t really blame them. Somehow the events of the diaries seems so much worse if it was the world you came from, not some dreamlike parallel universe.

I also wanted to point out “Party never ends”, because it’s just yet another usage of the word End which they seem to be throwing in everywhere this comeback. Party never ends.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Crazy Form

(For sake of length and my sanity I’m going to skip Crazy Form rn. I do have a separate post on it though, here.)

I would like to say though that the phrase “Ateez go!” doesn’t necessarily have to be self referential. It could be encouragement. Like arriba.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

ARRIBA

This song was frustratingly hard to analyze. It has a very similar vibe to Emergency when it comes to lyrics and general theme, but unlike Emergency it’ no longer a cry for help, they’ve just let everything go.

I thought it was interesting that Arriba, (assuming google isnt screwing with me) is essentially Spanish slang for Up! (encouraging) So it’s probably supposed to be an equal equivalent to;

“We go up.”

(I love the stage it’s so silly! And cowboy! The lyrics on the other hand-) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

For the chorus, the words ‘dirty night’ we (as in me) almost immediately connected to sex, debauchery, etc… And while yes there is plenty of evidence in the song to make that connection, I feel like it has a double meaning. For violence. It’s a dirty night not just because they’re letting their inhibitions go and partying hard. It’s a dirty night because of the fear and hopelessness that even drove them to that point. For the threat of death hanging over them.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

I don’t have too much to say here about these lines. Though I would like to point out the obvious mentions of time, madness, and most importantly the end. This whole album constantly seems to reference the end of something. Which is both concerning, and not because of the whole ‘beginning is the end, end is the beginning’ thing.

I’d also like the add the comments of this blog here, because they make a good summary of why La cucaracha is important. vv

(Plz go check out their blog I love it.)

Their sets for the stages also seem to reinforce that connection to the Mexican revolution.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“My nose grows longer like Pinocchio’s” I think this line is particularly important, simply because it’s not instantly connected to the other lyrics. Ok so, he’s lying. But to whom? The people around him? Or himself?

I really like the context of the word dreamers. Irl a ‘street of dreamers’ is someplace someone goes to achieve their dreams, but contextually it could also mean a street of dreaming people. It’s the road of the people of the revolution. Dreaming of freedom literally and figuratively. I love the addition of Picasso and Salvador both as Spanish artists, but additionally, on top of that, they were both part of the Surrealism movement in art. A movement in art that emphasized the power of dreams and subconscious.

(Quotes taken from here, bc they summarized it better than I could.) Tbh I wasn’t expecting their actual work to be connected to the theme, but here we are. HJ & production appreciation hours.

“Blood spreading up and down.” As of the diaries Z has moved on from imprisonment and secret executions to public hangings. Like, just the idea of that is just…so fked up. Even if, as of Arriba, they’re in their safe little dreamworld they created in Crazy Form to give the citizens hope, they’re still in the same places. Even if they’re in a dream, they’re partying where people died. Like….ehh.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Silver Light

Let me just start off with saying that this song breaks me almost every time I listen to it. There’s just something so intensely emotional about it that it always makes me want to cry. Silver Light is the moment where the insanity of the last four songs melt into a single ray of hope. It’s perfect.

And it was also the hardest to analyze. ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The very first line of the song has the word chain in it, and it’s sung by Wooyoung. Which makes me instantly connect it to two things; The Fever Diaries and the Wonderland MV.

In his very first diary entry, Wooyoung talks about stage fright. This is the final paragraph of his entry. (Read the full thing here)

In his diary Wooyoung uses the word ‘chain’ to represent his fear. What was holding him back. I think, in Silver Light it’s being used the same way. The citizens of Strictland are afraid of emotion, afraid of feeling, afraid of being in pain and showing it. I wasn’t expecting to relate so fully with these lyrics, but as I was turning them over in my head I realized something…It’s the same as when you want to cry but can’t because you’re afraid of being vulnerable. Afraid people will judge you. It’s that feeling, isn’t it?

Being afraid of showing emotion…Chained by fear…huh.

I’m sure there are more times they use the word chain in their discography. Times that aren’t related to Woo. But I can’t think of any off the top of my head, so for now he just owns that word.

Now, I can’t talk about the word wings without mentioning Seonghwa’s (super fking amazing) dance break on D1 of their tour. It lives in my mind rent free and I’ve thought about nothing else. It’s so- *screaming/crying*

But it’s also related to wings and the concept of freedom. The Strictland guards ‘take his wings’ a metaphor for taking his freedom. They leave him because he’s already broken, not physically, but mentally. They stole his freedom of thought. (I’m not crying no)

I could talk forever about this dance break. I won’t, but I do want to talk about how it relates to Halateez. If they lived in the emotionless void that Strictland is for their whole lives and then one day discovered feeling. If they learned how to feel and sense and hope and yearn. How to live alive. Could they go back?

They were captured, locked up, away from their friends in glass boxes, and forced to watch people being tortured. They had their freedom, which is probably their only treasure, ripped from them. They were sent to hell after they first learned how to feel. Don’t you think they’d want to go back to how it was before ? To embrace emotionlessness? To give up? The stealing of his wings can mean a lot of things. Not being able to go back home, losing emotion, losing hope, giving up, the moment of despair. But look at him and tell me that’s not what despair looks like.

(Ngl I added these bc I love them and everyone needs to appreciate actor Hwa.) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

This verse gives me heart palpitations, and not just bc I love HJ’s rapping.

“This is the last chance, maybe.” This line makes me think of the breaking of the cromer in the Crazy Form MV. Assuming the scene isn’t a reference to when Yeosang broke the first cromer to save them, they broke the second cromer. Maybe there’s a third artifact they can use to time/dimension travel. Maybe that’s what the cube is. But if that’s true, if they break it they can’t go back home. It also made me wonder. Was that how Halateez felt when they first found the cromer and first used the it? They were desperate enough to summon Feverteez from another dimension. A plan that sounds like a last ditch effort if I ever heard one. As though they’d lost all hope in themselves.

Throughout the whole album there are constant references to the end, the last, the final. Will is the end of something. It could be the end of the uprising whether winning or losing, the end of Halateez hiding their identities, or even the end of Feverteez dream and adventure in Strictland. Really, we won’t even know what was the end of until next comeback. (It could pick up anywhere, I’m scared.) To be honest, this was the hardest set of lyrics to analyze. Specifically these lines: “There’s no law saying die. The trigger at the edge of breath.” Like excuse me what. (Genius.com really let me down on this one ToT) So I looked up other translations and they were equally confusing. But I did find this vv

I don’t pretend to know Korean, so going strictly off these translations I’m guessing it roughly means: We can’t die yet. So there’s that.

“Whether I want it or not this is my life.” “In the time of regrets I’m going. Here is the last man standing.”

HJ gets his mic drop. (Imma go cry) ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

In irl sense the “radiant light” and “countless voices” are Atiny. There have been countless times Ateez has referred to us as their Light, Lights, or Stars. (Excuse me I’m sobbing.)

In a lore sense though, it probably means the citizens of Strictland. The people who are slowly waking up and desperate for freedom, desperate for someone to save them from meaningless existence.

Which, really. Isn’t it the same? Living our boring lives, to work, to school, to sleep. A lot of us these days are really living in a grey world. Ateez music, their performances, are loud and bright, emotional and spectacular. They motivate and inspire us to wake up. To find our treasures. To feel our emotions. To dance.

Ateez started small, like really small. But now they’re able to inspire us to dream big, to hope. I like to think this song says the opposite is true as well. We inspire them, to hope, to continue going forward. And as idealistic as it sounds, I believe it. Because I’ve been inspired by fellow Atiny’s creations time and time again. ❤️

Now, for the final piece. In typical me fashion I looked deeper than I needed to and found something interesting on the concept of Ego. (So it connects to Crazy Form too)

In Freudian psychology, Ego is the conscious part of the mind that keeps your Id (instincts/monkey brain) in line with your Superego (morality/ideals). Without a strong enough Ego you lose control of yourself and descend into a kind of insanity characterized by blindly searching for pleasure. Ego is characterized as the realistic part of the human psyche, including rational thinking, planning, and self-control. (More info here.)

In this context “My ego’s in this show.” Likely is supposed to mean; ‘I’ve thought this through’, or ‘I’m doing this of my own will’.

Will

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧//✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ This post took 2 months to write bc I kept updating it as they came out with more stuff. (So some of it is better written than others ToT)

I almost didn’t even post it, but here we are… So if you made it this far, thanks for reading!!! ❤️

I know that I am going hard on my Halateez agenda, but their story is incredibly vague for how important it is. I feel like, even if they’re dead/gone/merged, Feverteez’s journey is still related to them more than it’s not. That’s why I go so hard on my Halateez shenanigans. Because they’re important dammit.

As always, feel free to add your own ideas and comments. I by no means think I’m right about everything (or anything) but the more ideas out there the more connections we can make. In the end, theories and speculation is part of what makes the story so fun. Atiny Fighting!! \ (＾▽＾\* )

[givemeanaccountalready]

for milgram ask game 💖 1, 2, 5, 8 for Yuno 3, 4, 6, 7 for Haruka 12, 13, 14, 15 for Mikoto

Yuno

1.) Favorite song lyrics?

I think I like Tear Drop just slightly more than Umbilical.

“I’m the one who chose / let you and you and you all in / Happy or sad? / Why decide? / Where’d you get your half-baked sense of justice / So nauseating… so creepy will you please disappear? / Phew. Anyway”

I just really like this verse from Tear Drop and that she is continuing to emphasize her point that yeah, you can punish people outside the law, but it’s never-ending and people have differing views on what the ‘right’ punishment is. No one in the audience expected Kotoko to attack the Guilty prisoners after Trial One, and during Kotoko’s voice drama, she is able to verbally put Es in the corner when they try to shut her down. As far as Kotoko was concerned, murder is murder, get wrecked by the fang of justice. Muu, in her first voice drama, brings up the idea of self-defense and Es agreed with her that killing someone in self-defense is justifiable and can be forgiven, something that conflicts with Kotoko’s view on justice. Yuno brings up that most people look down on sex work, but if it’s a consensual exchange of sex in exchange for money, is it really hurting anyone, and if not, why is it other people’s business what she does? Especially even seems to understand where she is coming from, even if they don’t give a vocal agreement to it. That said, I still want to know how in the hell she got involved with sex work in the first place. I know she’s using sex (the warmth) to fill an emotional void (the coldness), but how long has she been doing sex work, because some of those men she’s been with have taken her to upscale places that a high school boy and most college guys certainly can’t afford to take their dates to.

2.) Favorite music video frame?

I did get question 2 before and I picked a scene from Tear Drop, so it’s only fair that I pick from Umbilical.

I think this one is my favorite because it seems to be the one time she’s making her own decision and seems totally into it.

5.) Favorite voice drama line/moment?

I had gotten 5 before (see the previous link in 2 if you’re interested) and since I picked a line from her second voice drama the first time, this time I’ll do one from the first:

“That’s right. You know those people who just want to convince themselves, so they intrude in other people’s affairs even though it’s not their place—I despise them. That’s what I was saying. They only do it to make themselves feel better, don’t they? Those people don’t actually end up doing anything.”

Though, the “It’s fucking bothersome,” line is still number one Yuno quote in my heart.

8.) What is your theory of their crime? If there is a general consensus on it in the fandom, do you have any other, not-so-widely-accepted theories?

The abortion. I’m 99.99% sure that her murder was an abortion and I will be very surprised if it turns out that she murdered one of her clients because that would be out of left field at this point. @2amtechnicolor has a good post on whether Yuno actually wanted the abortion, and how that plays into her feelings regarding her Trial One verdict. It definitely put Yuno’s words in a different light and explains why she was adamant over being found Guilty in Trial Two. Definitely not something I would have thought of on my own. Before I read that post, I thought Yuno had been angered by everyone waving her off as a naive young girl who doesn’t understand what she’s done and maybe even regretted her abortion after the fact.

Haruka

3.) Favorite non-MV official illustration?

I think I like the birthday image for him best:

I like the little Chibi drawing. I do just want to point out that in his Trial Two image, the heel of one of Haruka’s shoes is stomped down and it bothers me, so now you all have to look at it:

They’re not tied either but untied fits the image of his younger self that he is trying to cling onto. I wonder what happened to his slip-on shoes he wore last trial. They didn’t have any laces.

4.) Favorite Minigram episode/moment?

Ooh, it’s probably the cat’s cradle one where Yuno is showing off her tricks and he keeps asking Fuuta if he saw the tricks and Fuuta is pretending not to care. And then they both get amazed and Haruka is like, did you see that, did ya, did ya, as Fuuta is frantically yelling that he’s apathetic. Comedy gold.

6.) Favorite relationships with another character in the prison?

Fuuta for sure. They have the, “Excuse me, he asked for no pickles,” energy that I appreciate. I think it’s important that Fuuta treats him like a peer with equal footing, because Haruka seems to be so used to being less than. I’m sad that they splintered off after Trial One. Muu is alright with me for now, since I was introduced to the idea that she has been teaching him how to write and that’s why his questions in the second response are longer and neater than in the last trial, and she does seem to be trying to increase his self-esteem, if her gifts are anything to go off of. She’s not number one best girl because she and Haruka magnify each other’s worst traits and behavior. I think Fuuta was trying to encourage Haruka to speak for himself, (see the timeline convos insistence that Haruka not speak so formally to him and trying to figure out what Haruka likes). Haruka does need someone to support him, but he also needs that someone to help give him a push so he doesn’t stagnate (same with Muu) and he and Muu are not a good fit for where they are mentally.

7.) Favorite relationships with another character if they weren’t in Milgram, the way you imagine or would like them to be?

I had gotten 7 for Haruka before and said Fuuta, but besides Fuuta… hmmmmm. I think I would say Shidou and Haruka would be interesting since Shidou is said to have treated Haruka for a cold in the Minigram and when Haruka cut his palms by pressing his fingernails into them. I know Amane doesn’t like how Shidou treats her like a little kid and would be better off with Kazui as a father figure because Kazui has shown himself to be capable of treating Es like a young adult, which she would appreciate it. But given Haruka’s mother’s neglectful treatment of him and the apathy and disappointment his father feels towards him, I think the gentleness Shidou has shown him would be a welcome relief. If I remember correctly, I think Shidou had asked Haruka to make sure to take care of himself after he finished bandaging his hands.

It’s possible that the two could meet if Shidou worked at a doctor’s office where Haruka’s mother took him for a check up. Or maybe Shidou moves his family to Haruka’s neighborhood or vice versa, and Shidou notices how Haruka is staring at how Shidou and his wife interact with their kids. Maybe he’d ask if he would mind watching their two boys while they have a date night, or start simpler with asking if Haruka could help Shidou move some things in their house and thank him sincerely and praise him a little for being so helpful. I think the gentler, while sometimes condescending, attitude that Shidou takes with younger prisoners is what Haruka would need to start believing that he is capable of doing things right.

Mikoto

12.) What do you wish would be discussed more often about them within the fandom?

Hmm, I see a lot of theories and analyses of Mikoto, and I wish I could do him justice the way others in the fandom have. I’m starting to see some discuss the reliability of Mikoto and John’s accounts, which I’m thankful for because they are putting the words together much more coherently than I could. I’m happy I got @archivalofsins to watch Primal Fear and to hear her thoughts on it because whenever I try to analyze Mikoto, I’m worried that that film is coloring my view negatively and I’m not giving Mikoto a fair shake and jumping the gun.

There are a couple of things that I want to hear more talk about. For starters, since DID is a rare disorder formed in response to extreme abuse during early, and sometimes middle childhood, what could have caused it in Mikoto? Was it abuse from his dad? When John first appeared in John Doe, it sounded like I was listening to an abusive father beat and belittle his kid. We know his mom raised him and his baby sister after she divorced their father and he sounds quite attached to her. I had hoped for some more answers on this during Trial Two, but Mikoto’s murder is supposed to be at the forefront of the discussion, so we may not get an answer just yet. Which leads me to my next thought: I think John and/or Mikoto is full of shit that the person killed by them was just a stranger. In MeMe, it looks like Mikoto is waiting for someone before we cut to the blond guy crawling on the ground while Mikoto swings the bat down. I think it was a targeted attack. Maybe he is someone from Mikoto’s past who could have ruined all his hard work with blackmail (hence the “my life… wasn’t supposed to be this way,” and “DESTROY EVERYTHING”) that Mikoto either thought he could scare off with the bat but ended up killing the guy or went there with the intent to kill or seriously harm him. I do think that Mikoto knows more than he is letting on, and that John isn’t a purely evil monster hellbent on killing anyone who annoys him.

I am bummed that Trikoto seems to be officially dead with Double, but there better not be a surprise twist of a third alter during Trial Three.

13.) Any ideas on what would they and their music videos would have been like if they had gotten a different in Trial 1?

Remember how the beginning of MeMe had some glitchiness and jump cuts? I think we would have seen more of that in Double if Mikoto had been voted Innocent in Trial One. Mikoto doesn’t seem to know, or maybe, doesn’t want to know what goes on during his memory lapses and about John. He probably attributes it to stress from his work and while the stigma attached to mental illnesses has lessened over the years, it’s still not something you admit to in private, much less in public circles around most of the world. Voting Guilty forced John to surface more, and him surfacing more often seems to have forced John’s perspective of the crime to appear more in Double and both seemed to have been stressed out over the murder. I think the flashes of John probably would have been much more violent compared to the POV of the easygoing, but ignorant Mikoto. Like MeMe on steroids. I hope that makes sense.

14.) Any headcanons on their appearance?

It’s kind of funny in a mean way that in-universe, that Mikoto is said to be so plain that he resembles mass-produced goods. I like to think he is the most fashionable of the male prisoners because he learned how to cultivate different looks to make himself stand out more and boost his confidence. He would love to join in on Mahiru’s skincare routine when he learns that she shared it with the girls. He does notice how Fuuta and Haruka balk at joining in on Mahiru and Yuno’s fashion fun times because of their low self-esteem, and does try (well, did try for Fuuta) to gently encourage them to join by offering himself up as the girls’ ‘doll’ because Amane and Kotoko are not willing and Muu prefers certain aesthetics and isn’t ready to let them go hog wild just yet. Haruka wants to join but doesn’t join in because Fuuta is loudly complaining about how it’s girly and boring and it’s only when Mikoto shoots him a death glare that Fuuta gets the message and reluctantly agrees on the condition that they don’t put anything on his face/touch his mask. Fuuta does grumble but it’s more half-hearted because Haruka is soaking up the positive attention.

15.) What do you think of their voice?

I am not the coolest when it comes to taste in music, but I did dabble with metal and I like the kind that Mikoto does where it’s mostly singing with some screaming to punctuate. Sorry, I’m a bit lame, haha 😅

As for his speaking voice, I like the sound of his and John’s different ways of speaking. It works with his more cutesy and chill moments as Mikoto and the blunt, brusque, and brutal way it gets with John. I love the range. I may not know many Japanese voice actors, but I can’t imagine anyone but Natsuki Hanae voicing him.

[elaichoi]

PLSDJJIDS I WAS THE OPPOSITE like i didnt wanna pay money but also like i had to have it to reach my fullest potential 👹👹👺

yes exactly i burnt out big time OTL cheers to being *less* mentally ill in the near future ^3^

that's totally understandable,, from the way i see it a majority of the asian population that goes by undiagnosed is v large,, and i'm not basing this off of any actual studies though i know there are some out there- but rather just the role culture (at least in most east asian cultures is as far as i'm qualified to speak for lol) plays in mental health makes diagnosis and treatment,, idk and just going by undiagnosed makes me sad that there are ppl who think this is the norm and that it's something you are expected to get over bc it's something "everyone goes thru" :( i very much relate on the front of gaslighting urself/being gaslit into thinking u just can't handle struggles that "everyone else manages to manage well" n that rlly sucks im sorry beb </3

DAMN LOL we r on the same boat on the same river 🥲 my little tiny snowball also started out w family problems and oh my god my mental health has come out of its hiding >o< i remember my counselor describing it as an unvented pressure cooker lmao

don't answer if you don't wanna, but do you still feel that way in the sense of repressing ur emotions? like refusing to acknowledge it ? i think i was like that for a small period of time but now im like the complete opposite which is like half miserable half not lmfaoo i will forever be the biggest advocate for anyone getting therapy even if u think u don't need it,,, but!! i also know its a big step and may not be accessible for some :<

no yeah cus i feel so gross and overwhelmed and like not in control of things and so ill start spiraling if i dont get up and take a shower ^_^

not throwing pity confetti in your face, just as someone who can relate at least in some ways, big kudos to u for having so much patience to put up w everything bc it must b very hard not to lose ur marbles all the time,,,, standing w u solider 🫡

OH TRUE I FORGOT AB THAT UGH BARF i remember ig always fucked up my video quality saur bad even after rendering n shit T_T

aaa goodluck bae<3 hehe yeah i always rlly want to after seeing so many pretty edits jdksdkf i might i might we shall see :>

STOPITNFSISD I WISH I COULD INSERT A REACTION PIC BC UR RIZZ GAME I HAVE NO WORDS HAHSDJJJ

mental health is such a fuck up like it's like a ticking bomb the way it can go off at any point of life and the urge to ghost everyone, im so ashamed fr

yeah like most of asian countries i feel like. in our culture mental health is seen as something that is seen interjected with "adulting" like when you grow up you're supposed to feel like this and it's your duty to like make peace with it and if you try to seek help for it your family members kinda take it like a failure like you couldnt even deal with this? there's just a whole lot of stigma surrounding it and on top of that, therapy not being that widely available in south asia is a huge problem.

bro pressure cooker, im glad to know you're actually very up front with your feelings now. it's always better than bottling them up, at least you don't feel like a stranger to yourself either, my issues make me feel like an imposter within myself like it's hard to distinguish between things that I feel like I'm making up and the other things that's fucking me up.

YOU ARE SO NICE I AM WITH YOU TOO MY SOLDIER ILY!!!!

lmao ngl I was like those scenario and concept editors right I would have continued to edit bc my edits were like THSIE most beautiful scenes in kpop mvs but I stopped bc the resolution was ASSS THAT TOO WHITE ASSS!!!!!

OMG i wonder how i rizzed u up 😩😩😩😩

[smolfangirl]

Cómo te pido

Based on the song and mv for “Cristina” by Sebastián Yatra, and some of my own experiences. I hope you enjoy this ♥

Word count: 5.8k

///

Entre tanta gente yo te vi llegar

Algo en el destino me hizo saludar

///

One day off. One single day of getting lost in the city, not found by anyone except himself. That’s all he wants, craves, after weeks and weeks of being praised as someone who exists solely in the minds of the media and his fans.

One day, and he couldn’t even get that.

It starts with some teenagers chilling on the staircase to the metro, asking for pics, and soon they’ll be all over Instagram and a group of paparazzi and reporters will follow him – Matteo knows the deal. The business.

And frankly, he’s tired of it.

///

The moment he steps into the bar, he wonders if this was the right decision. The air feels hot in his lungs, the smell of cigarettes and cheap beer burns in his nose, while his eyes struggle to find the barkeeper in the crowd blocking the counter. He pulls the hood of his sweatshirt deeper into his face before he slowly makes his way to the bar.

No one looks at him for more than just a second.

///

She’s looking at him.

The stage light creates the illusion of a halo around her, and she’s looking at him with a smile so bright and honest, he can’t tear his gaze away from her. At first, he feared she recognized him, saw through his terrible disguise, but the longer he watches her, the more he relaxes. During his career, he’s seen hundred versions of people spotting him and freaking out. That girl is not one of them.

So, he winks back at her.

///

Her voice sounds as sweet and golden as on the stage, like honey that’s sticking to his soul instead of his fingers. She appears next to him out of nowhere, asking if the seat is taken as she already casually jumps on it. With a chuckle, he replies that he won’t ask her to leave, and the moment she directs another smile at him, the burden of being a superstar whirls off his shoulders.

“Do you usually arrive only to see the last performance of the night?” she asks, head tilted. Her hair falls freely over her shoulder, a tangled mess that somehow frames her face perfectly.

Grimacing, he reaches for his drink. The wine still tastes like a grape took a piss in his glass, although that detail is forgotten the instant he figures out what to answer. “No, but usually, the last performance isn’t worth paying attention to.”

“You’ve never been here before.”

“And you’ve never had a drink with someone as cool as me.”

That makes her laugh. He feels pride rushing through his veins, like when his music makes someone happy or when his mom looks at him with tears in her eyes after watching a performance from him.

She leans closer. “Technically, I’m not having a drink right now.”

The smile on his face never leaves, only deepens. “Then it’s about time we change that.”

///

At some point after midnight, long after his phone ran out of battery, the barkeeper releases a heavy sigh and asks them to leave. They’re the only ones left in the entire room.

At the exit, he stops. Glances over his shoulder, at this place he’d never expect to find (or look for). For a few hours, he had a safe haven, away from fans, flashing cameras and obnoxious voices chanting his name. It was worth the stifling air, the hint of vomit out of the toilets, the headache the cheap wine will give him in the morning. Whatever happened tonight will end too soon, even when he’s not ready to give it up just yet.

“You okay?” Luna’s hand lingers on his arm, gently guides him back to reality, where her last laugh still echoes through the bar.

Upon facing her, he discovers a frown on her face. “Yeah, sure. Just wanted to make sure I left nothing behind.”

“Okay.”

The air leaking inside from the entrance hits him with all its coldness, reminding him of what kind of world he’s returning to.

Silencing the sigh rooted in his chest, Matteo hides in his hoodie again. “Okay, let’s go.”

She holds him back. Lets her hand hush over his cheeks, carefully tugging the fabric until the hood falls on his back. “You shouldn’t hide such a beautiful face.”

His breath hitches. Eventually, he whispers back, “You can never be too careful in a city like this.”

“I keep wondering if you’re new around here, you know?”

That’s the curse of being a star, he thinks. He’s not new to this city – or any other – yet knows nothing that exists outside of his hotel and the venue. And with Luna, everything feels new altogether.

“I am.”

She smiles, again, and if every camera in the world had only one picture left, that’s what he’d photograph. “I can show you around then, if you’d like.”

///

Y empecé mis planes para vernos otra vez

///

“You want me to put skates on my feet?” Half protesting, half questioning her, his mind already paints vivid pictures of him in an emergency room, sitting in a wheelchair with one leg and two arms broken, as his manager yells at him.

“What did you think the helmets were for?”

“I don’t know, something less dangerous? Cycling, maybe?”

“Are you trying to tell me you never skated before?”

Matteo sighs, rubbing his arm. “I used to. As a kid.” In the street where his grandparents used to live, back in Italy. Some part of his body always carried a scratch or a bruise during those summer days, he remembers ending up on the ground a lot, and the band-aids his mom used to ease the pain. (With funny little fruits on them.)

Luna dangles her boots in front of him with a smile that sends his heart into overdrive. “Then this will be even more fun.”

“Luna…” His heartbeat picks up at the mere idea of falling. When he was younger, he felt invincible enough to risk it, but looking at her, at the skates, he feels like his whole body is made of glass.

“I’ll hold your hand the entire time.”

Maybe he won’t fall.

///

He can’t remember the last time it’s been so dark around him. On the street, cameras blind him even through his sunglasses. At home, his phone never gives him a rest, blinking for every message, every notification that comes in. Even in the bar they met in light leaked behind closed doors, from the stage or as a broken reflection from a cocktail glass. His whole world is bright and open and cruel – there’s no shadow to make one wrong move in.

Here, everything is dark and soft and honest. When he glimpses behind the curtain, he can see the stars sprinkled over the sky. Next to him, Luna is dozing off, the silver moon light dancing on her cheekbone. He can hear the beat of his own heart, calm and steady in a rhythm it hasn’t found in years.

Just as he closes his eyes, Luna shifts on the mattress until he feels her gaze settle on him. “I can’t believe I’m doing this”, she whispers.

“What, camping?”

“Going on a road trip with someone I barely know. You could be an axe murderer.”

Or worse, a popstar who could get you on the front cover of every gossip magazine you ever heard of. Out loud, he chuckles. “Damn, you caught me. How will you fall asleep now that you discovered my darkest secret?”

She tries to slap him on his arm only to hit his blanket, and he keeps her fingers locked and secure in his own hands. “You know what, Luna, you put up too much of a fight. I’m gonna have mercy on you.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“And you’re freezing.”

Her voice grows softer, shy almost. “The blanket’s not very warm.”

For a moment, they fall quiet. The wind creates a melody in the tree tops, plays with the leaves like a five-year old chasing a ball, and Matteo thinks about the bottom drawer in his mom’s kitchen, the one that doesn’t close completely, because of this one pot that’s a millimeter too big. He thinks about the empty jars his mom keeps in there for her strawberry marmalade, and how he wants to store this feeling in them, forever. This moment, this peace, won’t last, but perhaps he could lock it away, remember it, completely: the wind outside, the muffled rustling from his blanket as he robs closer to her. How her body curves against his like she’s a matching puzzle piece.

How he falls asleep, wondering if all these coincidences that lead him here are just his destiny in disguise.

///

He’s been to many beaches. Beaches in Italy during his childhood, where he mostly cared about how good the sand would build up to castles. Beaches on vacations, where he was surrounded with people who didn’t wish to be bothered by anyone, just like him. Once or twice he performed at a beach festival. He got his skin burned, got tanned. Went swimming and snorkeling and hired jet skis to cruise on the ocean.

He never just stood and watched.

“What a view, huh?”

Next to him, Luna stands in the breeze, eyes half closed as she wears this smile again that could replace the sun. Her dress softly flaps around her legs, and the wind plays with her hair. Yeah, what a view.

“I wonder if there’s a way to get down there,” he says out loud.

Grimacing, she glances down the cliff separating them from the ocean. “Unless you wanna jump down there, I don’t think so.”

“That’s a shame.”

“There’ll be other beaches, you know. That we can actually go to.” Her fingers dance over his arms, the silent encouragement only contradicted by the soft laugh that follows. Goosebumps run over his skin, his stomach ties itself into a knot, but Matteo can’t quite fathom a smile. As long as they’re alone, his mind is too full of her and the rush of emotions she brings along like a fresh breath of air after sitting in the studio all day. But she’ll say something like this, reminding him that there’s more out there, people and social media and another life for him, and his chest tenses until he’s almost suffocating.

Luna has no clue, of course. She doesn’t know better, so she lets him discover her, lets him read through her past and thoughts and feelings like it’s nothing more than a sweet novel to get lost in during vacations. And he knows better, so he turns page after page, trying to memorize the lines, the ticking clock a constant noise in the back of his mind.

The more he gets to know her, the more he dreads going back to the spotlight. (The more he falls for her, too.)

“Let me take a picture of you. With this beach, okay?” he begs her. The dimple on her cheek deepens as she carefully places her camera in his hand. Her touch still lingers on his palm when he snaps the first picture, and he can’t hurry enough to capture the softness in her gaze, or the brightness in her smile. He hasn’t grown tired of admiring her, and with the camera in his hands, he finally allows himself to keep more than just a fond memory. If a few pictures are going to be the only thing left when reality catches him in its iron fist again, he’ll hold onto every tiny snippet of them.

///

Luna takes pictures of him, too. On that cliff, in front of the crystal-clear sky which is only outdone by the shimmering blue of the ocean. In a small town when they wander through the streets and follow graffities bursting with color. When they stumble upon the kid bringing the grey walls to life with his spray cans, and he poses with him as if they were best friends. When she invites him for ice cream and a hungry seagull steals his cone directly out of his hand.

Every night after dawn, she cuddles up to him in the campervan to show him her favorite pictures.

Once, she’s fast asleep next to him, he scrolls through his phone to the file with the pictures from photoshoots and magazine covers. The Matteo in there smiles too, but it isn’t real. Luna brings out the smile in his eyes, and in the picture he’s staring at, the curve on his lips is plastered on like the make-up on his forehead. For his work, he acts like a mannequin, nothing more than a prop to polish someone’s Instagram page and give his fans the illusion of knowing him.

In Luna’s pictures, he’s happy. Silly even, if he wants to. When she focuses her camera on him, there’s no expectation in the little click of the lens, so he lets go and smiles because one look from her pulls the corners of his mouth up. Sometimes she pulls a grimace at him that he copies, and sometimes, he leans down to kiss her cheek right before she takes a selfie.

He hopes that when this is over, she’ll look at these little moments, knowing she unlocked a side of him no one else saw before.

///

Recuerdo todo lo que te gustaba

Y tu camisa que llega a los pies

Esa carita cuando te cantaba por primera vez

///

Her phone died. In the middle of the song, two seconds away from her favorite part, and he expects the pout on her face before he tears his gaze away from the street. Before he met her, he never even heard of the band, too busy with his own music. Now, his fingers tap the melody on the steering wheel with ease, and he finishes the song so naturally like the words were tattooed into his veins. It’s not until he falls silent again that he glimpses over to her.

Tears glisten in her eyes.

“You have a beautiful voice,” she whispers.

“Thanks,” he replies, smiling to himself. (After signing his first contract, he never thought these words could mean so much again.)

“I mean it. I can totally see you becoming a singer or something. Hey, maybe I could ask Simón if he’d be up for a collaboration, or…” Her enthusiasm intensifies with every word she rambles, but it’s not contagious this time, not when his mind already paints a new picture of the worst case. She probably knows her best friend’s phone number by heart, and she’ll sneak his phone out of his pocket to call him, and he’ll know more about a certain Matteo Balsano than she imagines, so she’ll find out who he is (or who everyone else knows him as) and hate him and he’ll have to let her go, and he’s not ready for that.

“Matteo?” Her voice snaps him back to reality. “Are you okay?”

Is he? His knuckles turned white as he’s driving, and he clenches his teeth so hard that his jaw hurts. “Um, sure, yeah. I’m fine. I just don’t think I’m the type for a boy band.”

The frown on her forehead tells him he seriously needs to work on his white lies. But before she gets to needle him with more questions, Matteo gives her his most charming smile and asks, “Are you in for a duet though? Like, right now?”

A few minutes later he thinks that no professionally recorded and produced duet could ever live up to the harmony that is her voice melting into his.

///

Y si pudiera mostrarte

Que estando juntos ya no hay nada que falte

///

She asked him to pull over, again. The coastal view tempted her too much, and she’s sorry and hiding behind her open hair, even when he’s coming to a stop without as much as raising an eyebrow. Leaning against the van, Matteo watches her standing in the breeze, arms wide open, a huge smile on her face. One glance over her shoulder, and he’s by her side. She raises an eyebrow at him, more a challenge than a question, so he smirks and twirls her around until a laugh pearls over her lips. Bumping into his chest, Luna is still giggling, still making his heart feel like a race car that’s cruising his ribcage. With her arms around his neck, she pulls him into a dance along to the rhythm of their heartbeats. (A scene just like a music video, he thinks, except that it’s real.)

She takes the lead. Whirls him around just like he did, fuels him with every look out of her dazzling green eyes. There’s the thought of kissing her, again. A part of him already suspects that he’ll never stop writing songs about her once his lips get to know hers, but this urge never burned him so fast from the inside.

This time, he won’t fight it.

Matteo allows himself to give in, every move is now aimed to get him closer to her, every breath he takes hopes to be shared with her, and he’s falling, falling, falling.

They’re slow dancing now. Her face is hidden in his chest, both arms wrapped around him as if he’s her favorite stuffed animal. The sun creates the illusion of diamonds on her hair, and he feels endlessly torn between soaking up this pure moment, and finally pressing his mouth on hers. Her fingers sneak over his shirt, caress him light as a feather. Matteo is done, defeated, desperate, as her name slips out in nothing more than a whisper.

Their eyes meet.

He leans in.

Thunder growls above them.

Her, ducking away. Pulling him along, towards the van. The moment he blinks up at the sky to the dark clouds sneaking in, she hastily explains, “I think we need to leave now.” He stumbles behind her, speechless. (Because all he feels is her hand intertwined with his fingers.)

///

They don’t talk while Matteo is driving. He’s focused on the road, and the rain clatters on the windscreen too loudly anyway, killing any hope for a conversation. Luna tried to ask him if driving in this weather was a good idea, but the noise swallowed her voice, so she gave up. Now she’s staring into the angry sky outside, pretending she’s not tempted to sneak another glimpse at him, and then another.

Her mind is overflowing with things left unsaid, with confessions and too many questions. He wanted to kiss her, she’s pretty sure about that. And he might still want to kiss her.

Everything else, though, remains a mystery.

How can she be sure she knows him at all, anyway? A book in a foreign language wouldn’t be as hard to decipher as he is. He never mentions his everyday life, or his job. The one time she asked, he said he worked in the entertainment industry, and then he changed the topic. He talks about his childhood, but never his presence. She still doesn’t know why he refused to leave the back of the van three days ago, when she refueled the van and got some snacks in a small city by the coast. Maybe he’s just weird, maybe he’s hiding something, an ex who he’s not keen on running into, or something worse. Maybe she doesn’t want to know.

But these doubts never linger in her mind long enough. Because their eyes meet or he gets her without a single look, or they laugh for ten minutes straight about the same dumb joke, or he smiles at her so gently it takes her breath away. Like right now, as he catches her glare and in an instant, her mouth runs dry.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing.” A bold lie. She’s thinking about a lot of things, like how soft his lips look, or how her stomach feels like it might burst and how she wants to be close to him for the rest of her life.

And how he better kiss her soon, because otherwise she definitely will.

///

They end up stranded in the middle of nowhere.

The storm rages on, too harsh for them to keep going, and now they’re in bed, listening to the wind howling. Lightning crushes down somewhere close to the van, for a moment, everything is silver and bright and scary. Then, darkness returns. With a shaky breath, Luna pulls her blanket closer.

“Are you okay?” Matteo whispers. The mattress gives in to his weight as he shifts around, before his hand finds her clenched fist underneath the thin fabric. “You’re cold.”

“You’re hot.”

“May I?”

Her reply, “Sure”, already dies on her tongue. He must have heard it anyway, because he robs closer until she’s in his arms, surrounded by his warmth and his scent and the daydream of his lips on hers. “Thank you,” she says, turning to what she hopes is the outline of his face in the dark.

Lightning, again.

He’s close, closer than she expected. His breath hovers over her face. The memory of this afternoon flickers through her mind, the anticipation that built up ever since they sat in that little bar, the tension in the air when they glimpse at each other at the same time and –

Finally, Matteo kisses her.

///

Solo tienes que saber

Que yo quisiera quedarme

///

Sunlight caresses her cheek. Matteo is feeding her grapes, piece after piece, as he snuggles up to her left side until her blanket becomes kind of redundant. The morning is nothing like last night, quiet and soft, the early sky a canvas of pastels.

“Do you think we can go to the beach today?”

“If we find one, sure.” He nips on his coffee cup, the grapes now out of her reach, then pats over the blanket, probably in search for his phone.

“How come you keep looking for the same things every morning?”

“I don’t know, I swear it was just right here… ah, got it!” A frown finds its way on his forehead while he begins to type. Then, a soft groan, followed by more typing.

She nudges him with her shoulder. “Let me guess, you’re still trying to find a beach where it’s just us?”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with any beach either.”

“Why don’t you just…” He falls silent, gaze suddenly stuck on the screen. The wrinkle above his eyes deepens. His thumb lingers in the air, frozen.

“Why don’t I just what?” Luna asks, her hand finally getting a hold on the grapes, so she at least has something to do.

The sigh he replies with doesn’t exactly promise good news. “I got a text message from work and… seems like they need me back soon.”

Her eyes flutter shut. She thinks of last night, of the dawn, when the first thing she felt upon waking up was his arm loosely wrapped around her, and the second thing his lips greeting her. She thinks of sitting on the beach, a golden sunset in front of them as she steals a kiss from him, safe in his arms. She thinks of the deadlines and unwritten reports and papers waiting for her at home. “How soon?”

“A few days. A week, if I really push it.”

“We’d have to drop off the van early.”

“I don’t want to. I’d rather stay here. With you.” With one hand, Matteo pushes a strand that escaped her ponytail overnight behind her ear. His words hit her straight in her chest, from where a thousand butterflies escape into her bloodstream. “And why can’t you?” she whispers.

“I can’t just… quit. I’m too important there.”

Chuckling, Luna hides her face in his shoulder. When he asks her what’s wrong, she glances up at him, grinning only harder. “You are such a chico fresa, Matteo,” she explains, and the confusion sticks on his face even after she tucks a grape behind his sweet lips.

///

The ocean underneath her feet. The smell of sunscreen lingering in her nose. His smile around her, more constant than the sun in the sky. Her, trailing after him like she’s indeed a silver rocket in the universe and he’s her earth.

For an instant, Luna ponders about this moment, certain she’ll miss it at some point later. But then, he makes her laugh again and all that matters is now.

///

No sé cómo te pido que te enamores

Cuando al final no voy a estar cuando tu llores

(Cuando de ti me enamoré)

///

“Oh my god, guys, that’s Matteo Balsano!” Half a scream, half a whisper. It’s too soon for him to be pulled back into his superstar life, but too late to escape it – that life, his fans, and the realization dawning upon Luna.

“Matteo! Can we take a picture?” Louder. Flashlights. A forced smile on his lips.

“Can you sign this? For Kaylee?”

“Can I have a photo too?” Three phones all up in his face. Four. “I can’t believe we’re running into the Matteo Balsano, just like that!”

Hands, trying to touch whatever is closest to them, trying to nudge him away from where he wants to be. “Why did you disappear for two weeks?”

Luna, gone from his side.

///

Time moves too slowly. She needs answers, explanations. Now. He’s still standing at the other side of the street, those girls stuck to him like fruit flies trapped in honey. She wants them gone, and she wants to be home already, in the silent comfort of her room.

Time moves too quickly. She needs space, something familiar. Her brain is still catching up on what happened, and she’s only halfway through his Wikipedia page. She wants to wake up in bed so this can just be a dream, and she wants yesterday back, with the soft embrace of his arms.

Time moves on. He’s walking towards the van. His face disappears under the hood of his sweater, and she feels like a paparazzi watching him, his every move.

All at once, he’s a stranger to her.

///

“Why?”

“I’m so sorry, Luna.”

She huffs. The sun hits her directly through the windscreen, yet her cheeks heat up for a whole other reason.

“This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out.”

Her gaze fixates on the view outside, the house fronts and parked cars. It’s motionless, not even a breeze softly ruffling through the palm trees. Inside her, everything seems to be moving and stirring. “And how was I supposed to find out? Never?”

If making him speechless is an accomplishment, it doesn’t feel like one. After seconds or minutes or whatever excruciating amount of silence it equals on the clock, he sighs. “Do you know how hard it is to find someone who doesn’t treat you like some kind of god? You made me feel… when I’m with you, I’m different. Someone…”

“Normal?” Bitterness leaks out of her tone, and it poisons her heart. “That sounds terrible, Matteo. And I’m not going to pity you.”

“Happy,” he replies. “I wanted to say that you made me feel like someone happy.”

You made me feel happy too. Those words don’t cross her lips, though. Instead, she turns on the engine and starts driving. (Away from the place where her heart broke, but not away from him.) Taking a shaky breath, he opens his mouth but before he says anything else, Luna drowns his voice with the first radio station she finds. After two minutes, the host announces one of his songs.

She almost smashes the radio with her fist.

///

All day, she waits for dawn to come, for the darkness to match her mood. An hour into driving, Matteo quietly asks her to stop by one of the beaches to their left. She follows him in a safe distance as he watches the ocean. There’s no smile on his face, just a wrinkle on his forehead. Her phone weighs heavy in her pocket, tempting her to snap a picture of him like all the days before. But she no longer feels like she has the right to take a photo of him, which shouldn’t add to her misery this much.

So, now she’s aching for the night to hide him from her eyes.

///

His eyes flutter open in the darkness. The blanket is tangled between his legs, and he feels some part of Luna bumping into him. His heart clenches at the memory of her silence today, or the looks she sent him. He doesn’t know what he expected, only that he hoped, with a little luck, that she’d stay in his life.

There’s no such faith anymore.

Her touch startles him. Slowly, her fingertips draw patterns on his arm, and Matteo isn’t sure if he’s dreaming. “Luna?” he whispers into the silence.

Her hand stops moving, but it stays frozen where it was, which is everything he needs to hope again. “What are we gonna do?” she finally says.

His heart skips a beat, only to riot harder than ever before in his chest. “I don’t know,” he admits, unsure. “I can’t escape this, you know? People will recognize me wherever I go, whether I like it or not. That’s just a part of my life.”

“So, after this, I’ll never see you again?”

He closes his eyes. Sighs. “Would that be a good thing for you?”

Luna hesitates, he can feel it in her fingertips leaving his skin, in the breath she’s holding. Every second in which she keeps him hanging on to the last thread of hope hurts. All he wants is to pull her back into his arms, back to a time where it was just him and her, and reality got no hold on them. And he feels stupid for believing any of this could have lasted.

“No. It wouldn’t.”

Luna buries her head in his shoulder. A sob pearls over her lips, and out of words, he presses a kiss on her hair. “But I can’t do this,” she adds before she rolls over to her side of the bed and shatters his heart into pieces, just like he must’ve earlier.

When he finds his words again, he whispers “I’m sorry I can’t stay”, but she seems to already be asleep.

///

Este amor ya no es mío

///

He’s watching the van being driven away by one of the employees. The sun is setting behind the rental office, sealing the end of his little run from real life. Turning around, his eyes land on Luna, wo’s holding on to her bags as if her life depended on it.

“So, this is it,” he concludes.

She returns his gaze, and the tears shimmering in them feel like a knife to his chest. “I guess.”

“Maybe we could…”  

“Matteo, no.” It sounds as if he’s torturing her, as if nothing brought her more pain than the mere chance to see him again. (If only he knew how to make her smile again…) “We can’t. You know this wouldn’t work.”

With that, she leaves him.

///

Sé que la vida se pasa pero no pasa contigo

///

The next months bring her a lot of opportunities to cry. His new single that her roommate plays on repeat for hours, unaware that the Luna in his song is the same one yelling at her to use headphones. The music video for said single, where he replaces her with a girl who looks nothing like her. His new album, titled Chico Fresa out of all things, and every song that speaks to her. Every single time her thumb hovers over his contact in her phone, until she remembers why she refuses to see him again.

But she learns to stop asking herself “What if”, to stop torturing herself with daydream after daydream. She learns to ignore his voice on the radio and the gossip on the internet. She learns to sleep alone again and get mad enough at him for his lies and songs and calls to move on with her life.

And then she walks into the skating rink on her birthday to a package with her name scribbled on it, inside brand-new skates in the colors of a sunset, along with a card signed by him.

After that, she can’t pretend anymore that she hates him.

///

No tengo la certeza de volverte a ver

Recuérdame

///

The beach in Cancún hasn’t changed. The palm trees along the way, offering some shadow in the merciless midday sun, the scent of salt and sunscreen in the air. The pathway along the ocean she led him to, with her hand in his, which often enough was the only reason his ass didn’t kiss the ground.

Matteo, however, has changed. He has grown, as a person, as a songwriter. Even as a skater – he doesn’t need anyone’s hand anymore in order to keep his balance.

Still, he keeps thinking about her.

Especially here in Mexico, where a year ago, he kissed her, and she claimed his heart only to walk away with it. He wonders what she’s up to, which skating competition she’s training for right now, and if her studies are going well. If there’s someone else, someone new in her life. Someone who isn’t followed by ecstatic fans and paparazzi.

His mind always stumbles over this idea, sooner or later. Not that it’s any of his business. He just wants her to be happy, that’s all. (Is it wrong if he wants her to be happy with him?) And who can blame him when sometimes, missing her overwhelms him, and he can’t stop thinking about what ifs – what if he gave up his career? What if he insisted on seeing her again just a little bit more?

It’s a dangerous path to walk on, and never a gleeful one. So, every time it gets too much to bear, he goes skating.

It’s a routine by now. Matteo puts on his helmet and sunglasses, then his boots. He never goes fast, simply cruising up and down the beach while painting pictures in his head, of her by his side. He imagines her whirling around in pirouettes, jumping and showing off all the tricks he doesn’t dare to try. He imagines the sun adding a soft shimmer to her hair, and her laugh ringing in his ears as he recites the lyrics of the last song he wrote for her. About her. He imagines that he’ll never has to write another song about the moon, because he gets to tell her everything in person.

Her laugh, again.

First, he wonders how clear his memory makes it sound in his ears. Then, he realizes it’s not just an imagination anymore, because Luna is here, for real, a mere hundred meters away. Wearing his skates.

In that moment he knows he’ll have to write another song for her.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

being honest i dont get jm using a award to say he misses tannie... we don’t know 90% of their lives but they are very close to the point of still sleeping together sometimes. and going deep if they were really a couple jm woudnt miss taes dog right? and even as friends he could visit it. unless its because of their schedule right... this kind of comment sometimes confuses me and haters will use it as “they arent close” lol. i just wanted to know your pov.

Judging by Admin 2's reaction, as well as some others in our asks, I have a feeling I was the only one with a more realistic expectation, or lack of expectations, as I waited for the BTS profiles to be posted. Based on last year's, I knew expecting something grand out of Tae, and especially Jimin, would just be me setting myself up for failure, which is what I think happened here.

But, let's discuss it.

I spent a solid couple of hours making an excel table last night that contains everything every member said about every member (sourcing 3 translators for maximum insight) to see if really what Jimin chose for Tae is so "bad" that suddenly people are sending us asks like this one, and another one I'll add later down the line. And the conclusion I've come to is that...what he gave to Tae, as well as Hobi and Seokjin, as awards are the only ones that have any actual emotional/personal connection to them.

With Namjoon and JK Jimin basically states the obvious--Namjoon is tall and JK has gained muscle mass, meaning nothing new or with a proper emotional connection was stated; to Yoongi he made the same request many other members have made, so a work connection, nothing inherently personal.

Now, compared to that--Seokjin teases him/them, which isn't new info, so Jimin asked him to stop or do it less, a valid request which I'm sure he also voiced to Seokjin outside of this FESTA profile and also shows a degree of personal connection; Hobi gets requested to not walk away after asking Jimin a question, which again shows a personal connection and that it's a reoccurring thing; and lastly Tae with Tannie.

Something I've noticed is that some ARMY, who are used to our western celebrities and draw conclusions about idols based on those parameters, forget that BTS are busy, like whatever you consider busy, take that and multiply it by ten. During his vlive with Hobi and Yoongi back in April, Tae said that they are much busier and their lives far more hectic than any of us realize. Taking that into account, and the fact that one of the members (I think it might have been Seokjin) mentioned they work at least ten hours a day for 360 days a year with practice, MV and CF filming, photoshoots, interviews, recording and working on music, meetings, and many other things we have no idea about, do you really think Yeontan lives with Tae full time? A dog needs to get walked and fed but if Tae is out of the house every day for at least ten hours, what would happen to Tannie? He'd just sit around at home alone all day which just isn't fair, so I'm sure Tannie lives with Tae's parents much the same way Micky lives with Hobi's parents and/or his sister, JKs dog lives with his family, Holly lives with Yoongi’s brother, Moni with Namjoon's, and years ago Seokjin had to give his sugar gliders to his parents because he was too busy to take care of them.

Based on that of that, I'm not sure how often Tae get's to see Tannie. Probably not all that often, to be honest. So, if Tannie's owner doesn't get to see him often, I'd assume Jimin gets to see him even less (if we work on the assumption that Tannie lives with Tae's parents and thus Tae could only really see him when visiting them or when they visit him, that means Jimin wouldn't be able to see Tannie just like that either, since that would be like intruding on family time, right?). And we know Jimin loves Tannie, so him using that award to say he misses him and is asking about him shows care and an emotional connection to Tannie. Do I think Jimin also asks Tae privately about Tannie? Absolutely. And still, while Jimin didn't give Tae the, I don't know, "hot body Award" like Yoongi did with Namjoon or the "person I love most in the world award" (which we should know by now would never happen, and if you expected something of that intensity level, than I'm sorry but you've set yourself up for disappointment from the start), he still drew a personal and emotional connection between himself and Tae, as well as the pet Tae loves dearly.

More below the cut:

Jimin could’ve asked about the other pets of the members, but he didn’t, he only ever really talked about Tannie, and here he does it again, so doesn’t that show that he has a bond with him, a closer one than the other members since they don’t/didn’t ask about him (except for Hobi that one time on weverse)?

Speaking of Hobi, am I the only one who finds it interesting and cute that he only drew little hearts for Jimin and Tae when writing down their awards?

Also, we have to remember that these profiles are for us, fan content (remember when Jimin asked Tae last year to post more pictures of Tannie on weverse because ARMY miss seeing him, so what if this is drawing a connection/parallel to that?), and not meant as the members “confessing” something to each other that they otherwise wouldn’t or don’t have the chance to do so. It’s not meant to be all that serious and instead just be fun and nice for us to read, show us a bit of their dynamic and that’s it, no world shattering revelations to be found, from any of them. Or do you really think Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin just because he told Jimin he’s trying too hard to be funny? It’s just part of their dynamic. Or that none of the members have anything else to say to JK besides commenting on his body/appearance? As for vmin, I’d like to remind us of this moment from their Friends subunit interview for FESTA 2020:

Whatever Jimin and Tae want to say to each other, they don’t need FESTA to do it, or us to be there as witnesses. Like Tae didn’t already say enough by telling us that 95z is love. Or Jimin by writing Friends.

From anon: because of you I came back da Namjin. I am a senior army and 2 years ago I left Namjin because I thought they broke up. You made me three Vmin but after what JK wrote about Jimin and after Jm himself about his chances I think that vmin are not together or Jimin withdrew. I think Jk would not dare to write about Jm that he has cute fingers etc if vmin were a relationship. it goes too far and confuses Jk too much. I don't want to say that J / k*ok is real because it certainly isn't !!!!

Now this is where I just sit and sigh heavily because it’s exactly what I expected and I will admit it irks me to no end. Let’s establish a little timeline:

Based on the FESTA Mission! BTS 4 Cuts Teaser that was posted earlier we can deduce that at least part of FESTA was already being prepared back in the first half of March, since on March 12th Jimin, Namjoon and Seokjin had their salad making vlive. Let’s suppose that everything FESTA related was prepared and written out by the members around that time as well. Sometime later BTS filmed YOU QUIZ followed by LET’S BTS and BTSxGame Caterers and everything else we’ve seen after that.

Or going a little further back to sometime in November 2020 while they were preparing for MMA 2020 and the Black Swan performance. We got the practice video today and if you pay attention to Jimin and Tae even there you notice that while Tae is waiting for his turn in the choreography, Jimin runs past him after his part is done (0:55) and they pat each other or do a “high five” or something along those lines as a way to cheer each other on. A very “we’re broken up” or “I will break up with him soon” thing to do, right? Or in min-January when Tae posted seven pictures out of which three were of just Jimin after an ARMY on weverse asked if anyone had any nice pictures they could use as wallpaper for their phone. Between all that I’m having a hard time honestly finding any moment where either of them seemed sad or “cold” toward the other the way you would be and feel if the person you love pulled away from you or broke up with you.

If you are still unconvinced and still think that is what Jimin tried to communicate to us, would Tae really have gone on national TV and said he likes Jimin the most? And would Jimin have agreed that he likes him a lot as well? Or looking at the making video of their Kloud Beer CF that was posted today as well, would Jimin really be looking and interacting with Tae this way if he decided to end things between them?

Also, going back a little, your mention of Jimin reflecting upon opportunities/chances now that it’s a new year. My question is based on what you made the judgment that this comment has to be about vmin and not about something entirely different in Jimin’s life, or maybe something connected to BTS as a whole? Just because of him asking Tae about Tannie? Jimin, as well as Tae and the other members, have entire lives outside of just their bonds with each other, entire careers, passion projects, families, friend groups, and that little bit of time they have to themselves, so immediately thinking Jimin’s comment must be related to his relationship/bond with Tae basically makes it seem like Jimin’s life is a romcom or a TV show in which the only thing that matters is if the main character will date or remain in a relationship with character B or not, but life isn’t like that.

Personally it reminded me of something Tae said during their Bring the Soul documentary about how BTS had the opportunities to go higher faster but they decided against them. Perhaps Jimin’s comment was about something like this as well, especially since we know Jimin is a very private person and very selective of the personal things he shares with us and the ones he doesn’t.

For the FESTA profile JK decided to give Jimin the “Cute Award” with the explanation that his “Face, height, fingers are cute” which, honestly, is just saying something that a) is true and b) has been said in millions of ways by every member across the last couple of years. I don’t see what the issue here is? During one of the episodes of BTSxGame Caterers Seokjin said that Jimin is very cute and that he has a small, beautiful face, so really he even added the word beautiful in there, which JK did not, so what really is the issue here? The fact its JK, right, that’s where the issue lies, to which I ask why? On this blog we’ve already established that there is (in our opinion and based on everything we’ve seen and heard) no romantic connection between JK and Jimin (nor Tae), not now and not in the past either, so why is him saying that Jimin is cute (which he is known for even by people outside of ARMY, or like James Cordon calling him his cute baby mochi) is an issue but Seokjin or any other member is not? Either we use the same measurements for everyone or we don’t compare or make such assumptions about any of them.

What I find curious, because this does make it seem like you, anon, are someone influenced by J*k*ok shippers and their opinions, see an issue in JK saying that about Jimin, and how that’s “proof” that Jimin and Tae can’t possibly be together, and yet you took no issue to Namjoon basically saying he wants to give Tae an award because he is so handsome he is above every list or Yoongi comparing him to Michelangelo's David, both of these being much more superlative and grand complements/awards than JK saying Jimin’s face, height and fingers are cute.

It’s funny how things that Jimin and Tae have said about and to each other that make their bond very clear (I want to live with my lovely Taehyungie forever or here is my love for you while handing Tae a bunch of red heart balloons or 95z is love, a statement I’m sure he wouldn’t post if that sentiment weren’t mutual) are all questioned or ignored, but something as basically trivial as a comment about Jimin being cute is turned into a major issue. The mental gymnastics is fascinating.

Lastly, going back to the first anon and their mention of how haters will use Jimin’s Award for Tae as “proof” that they “aren’t close anymore”--why do we care? Like Namjoon said in the Mic Drop lyrics Haters gon’ hate. They will say a lot of things about a lot of things and even make things up if they feel like it to push their agenda, so really, regardless of what Jimin would’ve said, or not said, they would’ve found a way to twist it and make it fit their narrative. Besides, what haters think has no actual effect or bearing on what Tae and Jimin have with each other, and neither does what other shippers claim. Haters and other shippers don’t control the narrative, BTS do, and everything Jimin and Tae have shown us in 2021, as well as the last eight years, shows me that their bond has only ever grown stronger and closer and more beautiful and awe inspiring, even while haters claimed they stopped being friends years ago, so why should you or I care what they think?

Like Yoongi once said in one of his vlives about how haters can write all they want, he won’t read it while they will get sued.

[a-simple-kpopper]

Just Another Prank...?

PART 2

The guys decided to prank you after their MV was released. It was a music video more on the mature side and you had long discussions regarding it before finally deciding to go with it. The boys loved it. But Jinyoung, and his mind, decided that it would be fun if they prank you that they suddenly did not like this mature concept on them. Yugyeom was  totally against it until the final moments trying to convince his hyungs. He said along the lines, “Just prank me then instead of her.“ #whippedculture

And so they decided to just do that. You all did. It would be all right, right?

*gifs not mine

This was supposed to be a short imagine in celebration of Yugyeom’s birthday yesterday but it was longer than I had planned to so here’s part two! Enjoy~! ^^

PART 1

When Youngjae and Jackson went out, the two immediately rushed away from the room containing their laughters. Youngjae was hitting Jackson's shoulders nonstop when Jackson pointed out Youngjae's punch line.

"Wah I got chills bro," Jackson said in between laughs,'Good for the company then," he said mocking Youngjae's words before going out of the room.

"Hahahaha! I got chills but I also immediately wanted to laugh after that!"

"Me too! Me too! HAHAHA!" Youngjae said and then he saw Jinyoung went out of the room with his hands on his mouth containing his laughter. Jinyoung immediately went to where the two was. They were now on the stairs near the elevator on the side just far enough from the meeting room.

"I think we all are pretty good actors now," Jinyoung said, "Given the countless pranks we've done." He said and they laughed again waiting for the others to get out of the room.

“But I really have to say Yugyeom is really whipped. Like whipped, whipped.“ Both Jinyoung and Youngjae agreed to what he said.

“I saw him signalling you and Mark earlier to stop the prank,” Jinyoung was half laughing and half talking remembering how the youngest look like silently pleading to his hyungs to stop the prank.

“But they are just the same. Those lovebirds really,” Youngjae commented, “Why not just be honest with each others feelings geez.”

They were all agreeing with each other when they saw JB went out of the room. He had the same reaction when Jinyoung went outside. The three were quickly telling him to come closer to them. JB also mimicked Youngjae’s punchline before going out and they laughed again.

“But seriously, Y/N was just like Yugyeom when we first made this prank,” he said and the three others were quick to question on what happened after they all got out. JB then told them what happened.

- A little flashback here just after JB said “Let’s go.” - 

“Let’s go.” You heard JB said and was quick to face him and mouthed the words “Let’s stop this already” with a pleading face. You just can’t bear see Yugyeom being pranked like this even after countless of times they had pranked him involving you. 

Well not this time especially you have finally admitted to yourself you like the guy. Gosh he is so cute can he not? 

 Yugyeom’s back were gladly facing the three of you and could not see how the three of you exchange knowing looks. JB was quick to finally go out before he could even let out his laughter and mess up this prank. Mark was left there and gave you a reassuring look that things are just going good. 

You gave it another shot to convince him just to end this prank. You just want to hug Yugyeom and tell him that everything is just okay and that you are not in any way mad at anyone of them. Well maybe just Jinyoung because this was his plan after all. You just wanted it to end. Bambam and Mark then followed JB out leaving you and Yugyeom alone.

You were really debating whether to just admit that this was all a prank but where is the fun in that? But you also just do not want to see Yugyeom having a hard time just because of all this situation. Yugyeom was also debating on himself to let you know about this prank or at least the version of the prank he knows.

Bambam and Mark followed shortly after JB went out and got half of what he was telling the other three.

“What should we do if they both admit that this is just a prank?“ Bambam said while laughing.

“Well wouldn’t that be good? And sweet?“ Mark said, “I mean they were both pretty much against us pranking them so...“

“Hell I doubt they’d reveal that.“ Youngjae said which raised the others eyebrows, “They can’t even confess their feelings to each other that’s why!” They then were all laughing but trying to contain it as to not bother whatever you and Yugyeom were doing inside.

You and Yugyeom were still inside. You just got a message that the meeting was delayed for another 30 minutes. You were still debating on whether to tell Yugyeom that this was all just a prank but you are still distracted with how he was still playing with your hands. You were just staring at just how adorable this man is right in front of you. The audacity of you to prank him like this how could you!

Not knowing how long have you been staring at him, he called you for the third time already before you got back to your senses.

“Sorry what?“ you said still feeling his hands on yours. He was rubbing your palm and the back of your hand maybe trying to ease you from the tension earlier. So cute.

“Do you want to say something to me?“ he asked and got you dumbfounded.

Yes you have something, actually many things you wanted to say to him right now. First is that, ‘My Gyeomie this is just a prank on you, again, unfortunately. Jinyoung said this was slightly your idea because you said that you’d rather be pranked than me right? Why? Why are you so sweet? Am falling deeply more in love with you. Oh and that. Yes. I’ve been in love with you since I don’t even exactly remember when. Maybe when you were away during your military service? I don’t know. I just am. I mean how could I not right? You are so adorable like this and all. I really wish I could kiss you right now.’

“Hm?“ you managed to react somehow coming back to reality. “I just --“ before you could even finish you two were met with JB entering the room again with the others. 

“Yah, I said let’s go and you’re still here?“ he told Yugyeom. You were quick to catch Jinyoung signalling you that this is also part of the prank and eased you a little. You were quick to put on your smug face but you wanted this to end already. 

“Hyung let’s stop this already.“ Yugyeom stood up and said that.

“Okay let’s end this.“ Bambam said and you knew what was coming. This is the part you all agreed on. You and Bambam would get into a fight and you’d be mad that this was all just a prank. Especially when they targeted your work in this. When you first heard about their initial plan, you were really taken aback and said that you’d be really upset if they really did that to you. But then here you are part of the prank which is now directed to Yugyeom.

“This was all supposed to be a prank until you said that you agreed with this concept because it could sell.“ Bambam said and Yugyeom was quickly behind you trying to soothe you of whatever emotion you’d be feeling right now. You are now trying to get to your act thinking of what could be your reaction to this if this was true. If anything, Yugyeom knew you better and one slightly off acting and he’d probably suspect something. So you tried to get all your emotions right. I should be angry this is so stupid.

“What? What are you saying?“ You said trying to sound as hurt, disappointed and angry but Bambam, you could just punch him right there. Yugyeom on the other hand is really not liking the atmosphere.

“This was just a prank? This was supposed to be a prank? You guys were pranking me and my work? What?“ You were really at a loss for words now. You really would have reacted like this is they had pranked you for real. You could not even believe the first time you were hearing what they planned when they initially decided to prank you. “What the actual fuck guys.“ You just said trying to sound as pissed as possible.

“Hey, we’re sorry okay,” Mark said, “We were really out of line here.“

“Yeah we were really okay with the music video and all. We’re sorry,“ Youngjae said, “But we really did not expect you to say that you just went with the concept because you thought it would sell.“ 

“Yeah. It’s like your true colors were showing.“ Bambam said and that really tick you off a bit even though you know that you and Bambam were supposed to fight and Yugyeom would intervene for this prank to be a success.

“So is that true?“ JB asked, “Well yeah!“ You said, “I’m a producer after all what do you expect? And don’t think for a second that I would just let this go. My god.“ 

“Yeah we expected better from you, you know after all this years of ‘prioritizing’ us.” Bambam said mocking the word ‘prioritizing’ with his hands on quotation marks.

“What the hell is your problem?!” you said more angrily than you intended to sound like. Yugyeom was quick to get infront of you trying to calm you down but you just pushed him aside. You were still able to have a glimpse of his worried look before continuing. 

“Hm? Out of all of them you are the only one who haven’t apologized for this childish prank of yours yet. Huh?“ you asked and he just scoffed causing you to really get irritated this time. Yugyeom was holding your wrist while the Jackson was trying to calm Bambam down.

“Because if not for this prank we would not even know that you really did not care about us.“ He firmly said, “You’re just like the other producers who follow orders blindly for the sake of the company.“ That hit hard on you although you know it was just a prank. Besides Yugyeom, Bambam was also the one who mostly saw your side and how you fought for them whenever the situation arises so it really breaks your heart to hear it from him even though it was just part of the prank. Yugyeom was also on the edge beside you. He could not believe that his best friend would be able to say those things. It is not a secret to him that Yugyeom has liked you for a long time now. He even told Bambam to take care of you when he was in the military and may or may not told him not to let other guys hit on you until he came back. 

“Bambam please,“ Yugyeom said and he was already infront of you trying to shield you away from Bambam. Why should he really be this sweet?

“What? You’re siding with her?“ Bambam said unamusingly.

“Bambam, just drop it already okay? She might have just said that because she was also angry over the situation. Please let’s just cool our heads off and talk later on. This prank is over.“ Yugyeom said but Bambam only stepped forward but Jackson and Jinyoung were quick to stop him.

“What? What are you gonna do huh?“ You said trying to pick a larger fight. Whatever you also just want this prank to be over and hug and apologize to Yugyeom for this. More than anything, Yugyeom hates this situation because his best friend and the girl he loves were having an argument over this silly prank he was against with in the first place.

“Not apologizing for this stupid prank and now picking a fight just because I stated facts?“

“See? It was true! She’s just like any other producer!“ Bambam said pointing at you trying to get others sympathy. 

You were also marching forward but Yugyeom won’t budget in front of you. He does not think this would go any physical but he’s just preventing what could possibly happen. 

“That is my work!“ you yelled and marched forward again Yugyeom still not budging. “You prank me and it turned out like this and you’re mad? This is so funny to me Bambam. And you haven’t even apologize yet.“

“I have nothing to be sorry about.“ he said and the others were already trying to get him out of the room but he was trying to come at you but Yugyeom was standing in between you now. 

“You know what you are really childish and disrespectful what the actual fuck.“ you said and that was it. The room was a mess with all the shouting of “What did you say?!“, “What are you gonna do about it huh?!”, “Stop it guys!”, “Guys let’s get some fresh air okay?”, “Please calm down!” and everyone trying to restrain you guys from physically going near each other.

Yugyeom was still trying to protect you from them but you were able to stretch your arms to reach Bambam and Yugyeom assumed that you would pull his hair but instead Bambam yelled. 

“ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!” The room was then filled with shouting and laughter as you won with scissors because Bambam played paper.

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!“ Youngjae’s laugh was over the top and filled most of the room. You also can’t help but laugh seeing Yugyeom so dumbfounded about what just happened. You and Bambam were jumping in your own circle celebrating the success of this prank while Yugyeom was watching the two of you who he thought would literally bite each other seconds ago.

“What...“ he said unknowingly and Mark was patting his shoulders still laughing. JB was also quick to record everything that is why he was just being silent since earlier. 

You looked over Yugyeom with apologetic eyes but still laughing with the other guys.

“Ah, ah!“ He said in frustration and sat down on the swivel chair roughly ruffling his hair. “I SHOULD HAVE SENSED IT!“ he said and Jinyoung was quick to hug the younger one while still laughing. He had his head lock but Yugyeom was struggling to get out of the embrace. “YAH! YOU REALLY GUYS. AAAAH!“ when they all went to him, you and Bambam went to him together and had a group hug. 

“I’m sorry they dragged me into this!“ You said still laughing but also feeling so sorry for this baby. He’s still the maknae and this will probably go on for the rest of their lives together. Before you knew it Bambam got out of the group hug and it was just you and Yugyeom hugging each other. You repeatedly apologized but Yugyeom just tightened his hug.

“I’m relieved really.” you heard him and he did not say anything again after that. You two broke into the hug when the other guys were loudly re-enacting what just happened. JB was still filming and you saw it and waved to his recording phone. 

He asked you how it feels to have pranked Yugyeom again but on a much bigger scale. “I’m glad and relieved that it’s done.” you said and he just gave you a teasing look. You again celebrated the success of the prank and the boys would not shut up if not for your and their own meeting. Yugyeom gave you a quick hug again which you also took the chance to once again apologize. 

“It’s okay.“ he said patting your hair, “I’ll see you later?” you nodded and proceeded to your schedule that day.

----------

The day went longer than expected with the meetings being pushed back as the other ones were extended. It was exhausting.

You were about to go out your office when you heard a knock followed by a head peeping on the door. You chuckled at how he managed to look cute despite his towering height.

“Dinner?” he asked and you immediately got up your seat.

You dined in the usual place near the building. There were not many people there now as it was nearing midnight.

“What time is your schedule tomorrow? Why are you still awake anyway?“ you said stuffing your mouth with food. You have not eaten anything except that snack you had after that prank. 

“Eat slowly.“ he said laughing at you, “We start at 5 but that’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway. After what happened.” he said grinning and it made you feel guilty again because of the prank. You said your nth sorry and he also reassured you many times now that it is okay.

“I was really relieved that it was just a prank. I could not bear that my best friend and my ---“ he stopped trying to figure out what should he call you or refer to you as. “I could not bear to see my two best friends fight like that.“

He then walked you home. He insisted. You did not want to because he might not wake up early for his schedule tomorrow and might feel tired after but you also wanted to spend more time with him. When you got to the elevator of your building, you were shocked because he rode with you. He usually just drops you off the building. You just did not say anything. This silence is not awkward but rather comforting. You do not have any problem talking to Yugyeom about your concerns in anything but you also do not have an issue being with him and not talking at all. It was just perfect and calming.

You reached your unit and turned around to thank him.

“You really did not need to walk me until here,“ you said trying to be playful but you sensed that Yugyeom was kind of serious and nervous at the same time.

“No, it’s okay. I really wanted to make sure you get home safely.“ he said and waved goodbye but he stopped when you suddenly asked, “Why?“

He was as confused as you were. What the hell did just really came out of my mouth I was just thinking about it!

“Why what?“ he asked and you were unsure of what you really wanted to ask so you asked both. “I mean why do you want to make sure I’m safely home? And also,“ you then exhaled nervously before continuing, “Why did you say that they’d rather prank you than me? I mean, why?“ Silence filled the hallway as you both struggled to find your balance. You did not think of the consequences of this question and was also confused as to what answer were you trying to get out of him. Honestly, you were expecting something but was as nervous that your expectations would not be met.

“I just, I like,” he stopped before looking straight into your eyes as if those holes are already telling you what he still could not say, “I like you. I like you Y/N.“

You froze right then and there. You also just blinked and he was really close to you now. “I’m sorry it took this long to finally get my courage to confess to you but yeah. I like you.” he said looking at you still waiting for your reaction.

“Is this a prank?“ you said and you both had little giggles.

“No, of course not.“ he said and he cupped your face and looked at you lovingly. “I’d play pranks on you but not this one.“ he said and you just nodded still dumbfounded of what you just heard. “So?” he said and he laughed and said he’d just see you tomorrow because you looked tired.

“No,“ you said gaining your senses. You were just so taken aback by his presence and how he just confessed that he likes you and what the hell are you doing zoning out on him when you could have just tell him that you like him too?

“I mean yeah I’m bit tired but I do. I like you too.“ you said and you just saw how his whole face and even aura lit up after hearing that. He wasted no time and pulled you into an embrace lifting you a little and spinning you lightly around. “Sorry, sorry. I’m just too excited,“ he said, “Clearly.” you both chuckled and just enjoyed that moment. You are both holding your hands and looking at how it perfectly fits each other. 

Yugyeom then closed the gap between you two. You were anticipating to meet his lips with yours but you felt a warm and loving peck on your forehead instead. You just smiled at just how sweet Yugyeom is and it is just melting your heart that he likes you too. You let out a shy chuckle before jokingly punching his chest.

 “Stay with me tonight?“ you asked but it sounded more like a demand. He nodded eagerly and just how cute he is blushing there in front of you.

“I have an early schedule tomorrow okay?“ he smiled sheepishly as you were trying to open your unit’s door. 

“What? I said just stay with me tonight!“ you said bashfully and he just nodded teasingly. Seriously what are you going to do with him?

You finally opened the door and knew you were a goner then. Who cares about tomorrow’s schedule right?

- End -

Okay this turned out longer than expected that is why I decided to divide it into two parts and am just figuring out Tumblr hahahaha! This is in celebration of Yugyeom’s birthday yesterday thus the part one posted yesterday. Anyways, I am still re-learning Tumblr and was really driven when I saw many people who like the first part so here guys. I hope you like it too! Have a good day everyone!

[shiningliive]

7th Stage Set List Speculation 

Tumblr hates tall images so please click to see in higher quality!

I put way too much time and effort into thinking up a possible set list for 7th stage, and I’m sure it’ll be way off, but I’m curious how close I can get. Some clarifications, other ideas, and explanations below the read more. Be warned, it’s very long.

*This is not an official set Utapri 7th Stage list, just speculation.

Basic Layout:

1. This is all assuming they want something similar-ish to Maji Love Kingdom, plus solos and other recent songs. I didnt want to just copy the Maji Love Kingdom set list and whack some solos in there

2. Another order I considered was similar to the 5th stage layout where they did ‘character 1 solo, character 2 solo, character 3 solo, song they did together.’ I do think this is definitely possible for 7th stage, and if they do do this, it could be, for example, Tokiya solo, Cecil solo, Yamato solo, Colourfully Spark. I mainly didnt use this for my primary example because I figured it might be odd if they arent doing Quartet Night Solos. 

3. Not very notable, but I also placed the solos in the order the boys are usually in (Otoya, Masato, Natsuki, Tokiya, Ren, Syo, Cecil) with the matching Heavens order. 

4. I did my best to not have too much focus on one group to the point where you dont see another at all until the second half or later. This happened with 6th stage with Heavens not even being introduced until an hour and 45 minutes in. There is a bit of a gap without Quartet Night as Heavens and Starish do their solos, but I feel like this is a bit unnavoidable, and tried to counterbalance it by having the shining masterpiece songs (no heavens) before the solos. 

5. Of this speculative set list, I consider Setsugetsuka-Michibiki Hikari to be the first half, and Up Down Up-Welcome to Utapri Kingdom (just realised I wrote welcome to utapri world in the graphic but you get me) to be the second half. This doesnt matter too much, but it could be split this way across discs or have an interlude inbetween. There are less songs in the ‘second half’ but it does end up being around the same length when you consider we usually get about 2 20 minute talks at the end.

Explanations:

1. I didnt include Quartet Night songs for a few reasons. Mainly because they dont have any new ones released lately and there have already been two QN only lives with qnlf being the most recent main live since 6th stage. It’s certainly possible that they might include some repeats of older QN solos, but this set list is already at the same length and amount of songs as 6th stage, so it would add enough extra time to make 7th stage too long. 

2. Obviously I didnt include a Nagi solo because Wingu isn’t able to attend 7th stage. I assumed this would not affect other song selections and that they will likely have other members fill in for his parts in group songs.

3. I was unable to figure out which new set of solos for Heavens and Starish they would use. I didn’t decide the ones used for any particular reason, so I wouldn’t at all be surprised if different solos than I wrote are used. 

4. I used Setsugetsuka as the opener song, because I thought it would not only allow for special outfits to be worn by Starish and Quartet Night that could be chanegd after their introductions, but it also saved time (instead of having one starish song and one QN song, theyre combined). It’s not quite an exciting booming start to the live, but it is a very well loved song by the fandom that hasnt been performed yet, and the first few notes are very recognisable. I can also imagine it fading nicely into a Heavens group song  I’m not sure about this choice, but I couldnt quite shake the idea, so I kept it. Wouldn’t be surprised if they started with the same three group songs as Maji Love Kingdom though. 

5. In general, I tried to consider things like outfit changes, the time of each song, having a first and second half that can be split onto two discs for dvd/bluray release, and most importantly perhaps, not having the same seiyuu perform too many times in a row to avoid them getting too exhausted.

6.  I found it very hard to place Encore. Unlike a lot of the other Mamo songs, it isnt exactly a hype, exciting song to start off a live (after the initial group songs) but it also doesnt really work in the middle after the solos, or towards the end. Having the song be called ‘encore’ and being played during the credits of Maji Love Kingdom really give that vibe that it should be an encore song.

7. I don’t think they would want 4 Quartet Night+Starish joint songs without Heavens (as it would cause a bit of an imbalance) so I figure they might do either the Shining CD 2 songs or the upcoming Black/White songs that are released shortly before the live. For now I’ve gone with Wonder Rondo and Dancing Over Night because we dont know the length of the Black/White songs.

 “Things that would be cool but probably won’t happen”:

1. I placed Encore towards the start of my set list, but theres something that I would love to see, no matter where its placed. If the song starts with Mamo singing, as expected, until about 30 seconds in when slowly all other seiyuu would walk on stage and join in. This would allow the song to be used as an encore with all seiyuu, or just help build variety and excitement to an otherwise (albeit intense) but slower more emotional song. It also lines up well with the songs build itself as well as the MV that slowly includes more and more people. 

2. More special outfits for Setsugetsuka and the Shining Masterpiece songs and more special outfits/performances in general. I think this is the reason why previous performances like Koizakura and other Shining Theatre songs are so memorable.

3. Pretty sure this one is almost 100% not happening, but, I want Sawashiro Miyuki as a guest to sing Maigo no Kokoro, Haru’s solo song from the first season of the anime. It’s so often forgotten, but its a beautiful song. This would also serve as a nice interlude for the boys to have an outfit change or change staging etc. 

4. I feel like there should maybe be a third encore song, but I couldnt choose a good one. It feels odd to not have 1000% or 2000%, so a version of them with all three groups is possible. If they are going to have a new version of an older song, I feel like a Mirai Chizu would be a great choice. Not only does it suit an encore (emotionally and lyrically speaking), but they haven’t performed it since 1st stage, and I feel like it could work really well with all groups together. Or it could be some kind of new medley or song entirely. 

5. Of course, there are 3 big things we’d all like to see announced at 7th stage. These being: a 5th season of the anime or some kind of sequel, Dolce Vita news, and a large scale update to shining live (eg, adding Heavens.)

Stats of my set list:

1. The total song time of my set list is 2 hours and 20 minutes with an hour and a half of extra time including a shining dancers or other interlude, introduction video, talks, about 5-10 seconds inbetween songs, audience encore call, and goodbyes. 

2. The final time of this set list would be about 3 hours and 48 minutes. 

3. For the performance on the 18th for example, doors open at 2pm, and 7th stage begins at 4:30. With this set list, it seems like it would end at about 8:15-8:30pm which allows for enough time to exit the dome before 9:00pm.

4. There are 33 songs in this set list (one talk is incorrectly labeled as an extra song in the graphic) which is the same as 6th stage.

For anyone who’s gotten this far, thank you. This is literally essay length and I wrote it in 50 minutes. It was a lot of fun thinking up this set list, so I’m excited to see if im at all accurate, or 100% wrong. Either way I’m so excited to see the actual set list. 

[madiiko12]

new york’s very own madison ‘madi’ ko was spotted on broadway street in chanel sneakers . your resemblance to kim chungha is unreal . according to tmz , you just had your twenty-first birthday bash . while living in nyc , you’ve been labeled as being obsessive , but also ambitious . i guess being a virgo explains that . 3 things that would paint a better picture of you would be glittery eyes, dangling earrings, & chanel draped in pearls.  ( cisfemale & she/her) + ( kale, 20 , she/her , est. )

hi honeybuns !! im back and with child. there is a brief mention of an ed under the cut but i block it off with a tw start & end.    if you’d like to plot pls leave a like and i can dm you or hit you up on discord !! my discord is kale#3079  

BACKSTORY

haneul madison ko was born september 18, 1999 to two immigrant parents from S.K. her birth name is haneul, but she went by the name madison since it was easier to pronounce + madi began to almost detest her culture??

it was just that growing up she would sometimes get bullied for looking different at her school, for the way her packed lunches smelled/looked, the way people would stare if she spoke korean to her parents, how other kids would make fun of her english since she didn’t pick up on vocab/grammar as quickly since she didn’t practice at home with her parents. she just became SO insecure about it that she rejected her culture. she wouldn’t bring her mom’s food to school, if her mom ever forced her to take it she’d throw it away  and choose to starve instead. she wouldn’t speak korean back to her parents in public, barely even in private (which reeaaallly upset her parents). this also REALLY destroyed her korean language skills. she can understand still, but she can barely hold a basic conversation anymore.

as she grew up, and continued this sense of distancing herself from her culture, she ultimately distanced herself from her family. which left her feeling -  - alone often, even though it was all due to her own choices. in this loneliness, she found her escape in music. she would wear headphones constantly through the halls, in car rides, in her room when her parents yelled at her to turn the music down. she just loved music. she saved up the money her parents gave her whenever she worked at the nail salon (her parents owned it!!) to thrift an old keyboard. she became self-taught by trying to copy melodies of songs she’d listen to, thrifting piano lesson books, staying after school with the music teacher learning to play. sometimes she’d even skip lunch to sit in the chorus room with her choir director and play.

it’s not that she had a LACK of friends growing up, maybe just that she lacked a best friend. she had a lot of friends, but no one that she felt so connected to in the way she felt connected to music. perhaps, she was addicted to her loneliness.

she spent a lot of time playing the piano and dabbling in writing music that her grades started to fall (not that she was ever the BEST student) and her parents literally took away her piano. they said it was a waste of time because they wanted her to focus on doing well, so she could get into a good university, and then live a good life. music was just a distraction

but that didnt work

she would sneak out into the city to go to concerts and poetry readings. she’d sneak out and go to indie songwriters scenes while her parents thought she was at the library with one of her school friends

This underground scene had her full heart!! she was surrounded by likeminded people who just lived for music. she was hearing all of these incredible people who were all looking for their start. maybe not looking for anything at than just to sing their songs. tbh i think this was the point she was happiest. she was completely enveloped in music, just for the sake of music. There wasn’t any pressure, just music. Just the songs. she was wide eyed looking at this whole underground scene of artists. So maybe some plots from these underground charas?!

she’d perform some songs at karaoke nights and the indie sessions, and a producer took a keen interest in one of her songs. basically im kind of stealing halsey’s career start, but she posted a song Came in Close on SoundCloud and just blew up overnight. in the morning, she woke up to a record label asking her to fly to LA for a meeting.

and thus, Madison Ko began a career as Madi Ko where she’d release her debut album, Honey, a few months later. (DISCOGRAPHY HERE). her music is very 80s synth inspired!

new album that is most definitely CRJ’S EMOTION is coming soon...

PERSONALITY

right off the bat, madi is an absolute firecracker!! she’s loud, bursting with personality, has a lack of inhibitions that CHAOTICALLY mixes with her spontaneity

part of this is projecting her insecurities. she felt lonely as a child but doesn’t want to be seen as that to the world. it’s not so much a persona but an exaggeration of who she was. 

she likes to show off her glam bc it, once again, hides her insecurities. 

she just kind of is dramatic anymore

like everything about her

her persona as Madi Ko, upcoming popstar underdog, is like DUNKED in glitter, over the top stages and sets, draped in couture. basically her stages/outfits/dances/mvs are like Chungha’s but with Pale Waves and Carly Rae Jepsen VC. ex: 1, 2, 3, 4

also bc im obsessed with chungha’s famous diamond wink, IT’S GONNA BE MADI’S THING TOO. so basically madi has trended on twt a few times bc of her signature diamond wink bc she effing glues rhinestones and glitter under her eyes for performances !! she said fuck corneas !! ex: 1, 2, 3      ....god chungha is magical

so while madi is like a brand hypebeast n never shuts up, she can also get,,, easily annoyed. and heavily perceives ppl on first impressions despite that being the reason she felt misunderstood a lot growing up. 

definitely argumentative!!! will blow up arguments for no reason n then later questions why she made it such a big deal but cant own up to her mistakes

when she decides she doesnt like you, SHE DOESNT LIKE YOU. it’s done. bridge is burned, she’s not keen on second chances

fame has definitely given her a bit of an ego problem --- she’s a bit more aggressive, self-obsessed while intrinsically insecure, is too busy flaunting her material possessions and trendy life that she can...lose touch of reality. basically most of her high school friends cant stand her. HC that her high school bf broke up with her bc she was no longer was the madison ko he knew!!! so if anyone wants to be that ex lmk !!! she’s written songs about them!!!

definitely the type of girl who is so hype at a party, dancing in fallen confetti, standing on the fireplace mantle, but then midway realizes she’s lonely. sad at a party. 

ED TW STARTS!!!!!

....

she kind of always had body image issues growing up, but it was very off and on, but once she got signed and being by surrounded by cameras became normal she formed a full fledged ED. she’s passed out at concerts a few times bc of her ED, but they always brush it off as “not enough rest” or “she wasnt feeling well that day but pushed to perform anyway as to not disappoint the fans”

so feel free for ur muses to point it out !! she’ll get really defensive like “i eat i just work out a lot” and yeah it’s true she works out a lot but she...doesn’t really eat

it’s also one of the causes of her irritability ...

.....

END ED TW!!!!

idk why this is so long

always up for mischief! 

does love a good prank. asks weird hypotheticals 

is not scared of an ouija board

will get wasted off a few shots and drunk madi is UNSTOPPABLE 

one time drunk madi cried bc her siamese cat (MOCHI !!!) wouldn’t ever get to go to school and would never know chemistry..... the dramatics.....

she is sensitive and despises it. she does everything she can to not come across as sensitive

however, she’s so obsessive. so deep in feeling. when she feels something she FEELS it. when she is mad it boils through her. when she is in love it is all she knows. when she is sad it covers her like sweaters and blankets on rainy days. she doesn’t know how to half-feel. everything she feels stops her in her tracks.

HOWEVER she’s the most obsessive with her own insecurities — so in relationships she’s kind of known for tapping out early. she just gets scared and the fleetingness of her career and that she’s at her very core, lonely and disappointed in herself, makes her want to run away thinking that letting down her walls and being vulnerable could only be disappointing for her SO. so maybe she ghosted ur chara or gave some lame excuse

Kind of obsessed with how she’s perceived

terrified that at any moment her career could be thrown away, her deemed irrelevant, and she goes back to being Madison Ko, daughter of nail techs in Koreatown. and then her parents would have been right all along, music was a waste of time.

she’s just my little fallen angel who flew to the sun (fame) and it constantly eats away at her girlhood, at her heart.

anyways this is all i got rn <3 come love me sorry i kind of didn’t shut up this is long

WANTED CONNECTIONS

an ex from before she was famous who broke up with her because of how she changed!! PLEASE i have ideas for this. plus,,, you get a lot of songs about ur chara!!! could be from high school, maybe someone in the music scene she frequented before she was signed, anything!!

anothr ex/fwb/undefined relationship i’d love is one when she was first famous who just introduced her to everything. something like a whirlwind that was exciting and magical. she’s written songs about this person.

exes in general. 

hookups/fwb

romantic plots. pls i have songs who need meaning. friends to lovers, one sided (either way), slowburn, ANYTHING. love cruel summer plots, anything lover by tswift

PR relationships -- would LOVE one where she falls in love with the other despite how clearly defined they made their relationship

love triangles in general just get me going

best friend!!!! the one’s who know how the other feels just by looking at each other. they have countless sleepovers. tell each other everything. cry together on bathroom floors. pregame together. 

ex friends. for whatever reason -- maybe madi did smth shitty, maybe they did. maybe there was backstabbing, maybe madi sacrificed friendship for a career, maybe she made moves on their romantic partner/interest despite being fully aware. idk. gimme

People she knew from the underground/indie scene before they were famous!! they’d have bonded over their love for music, little indie dreams kind of vibe. just imagine a group of dreamers !! Would love if they made some kind of pact!!!

party friends

collabs !!

pranks. mischief. gimme

enemies. gotta cook up some drama, yknow

GIRL GANG. god i just want this so bad like make a girls dream come true

[atelophobicity]

Top 10 Things You Shouldn’t Do If You Want to Finish Your Thesis On Time

It’s my entry for September! I’ve been busy in consuming new music, films, and kvariety episodes in my effort to catch up on everything. So, I decided to post monthly to fulfill my oversharing Tumblr needs and to exercise my skills in writing in English and putting thoughts into coherent words.

TL;DR of this: things I’ve done instead of doing my thesis for the past year and a half. I’m not romanticizing my not doing thesis self for the past 21 months, but I’m also not dissuading you from doing other stuff besides thesis because god knows, you will need something.

1. Got a part-time job. This was the first new thing I’ve done that really took my time and effectively gave me no time to do thesis. And yet, this was the most rewarding thing as I learned how to get my TIN, accomplish my deliverables, answer to my superiors etc. Looking back, I wasn’t the best employee and I deserved no job offers on the same company after. But still, it was a stepping stone in the right direction. Adulting-wise, anyway.

2.  Discover the art of creating.

Journal spreads. I bought a 2019 planner and I couldn’t fill it up, so I decided to turn it into a journal-planner. The art materials I used for to design pages are from old supplies bought back when I was in high school or stickers from the fandom-related events I attended. I didn’t spend money and I was given a chance to be creative.

Sew doll clothes. In K-pop, dolls that look like your idol exists. It usually comes with one set of clothes to dress it. As a “doll mother”, I wanted to dress them with new clothes but buying clothes was expensive. So, I just sewed clothes for them. I made clothes from scrap fabrics or clothes no one wears in our household. I’ve been barely successful, but it’s one of the things that keep me happy and make me feel like I’ve succeeded in one measly part of my life.

3. Purged my online files.

From my high school files. Nostalgia has been one of my coping mechanisms. I was able to be provided by lots of it when I discovered that I didn’t lose my high school files and it was on my mom’s laptop all along. Being able to relive memories while organizing my files was the best hours of that day.

To my external hard drives. Since 2016, I have been a hoarder of online files for so long that I have two EHDs to prove it. This time though, I was able to delete content that was either repetitive or uninteresting anymore. I was able to shave off some of my data bytes and am now able to save new interesting content available online (if I ever find one).

4. Realigned my priorities and consumption of K-pop as a stan and as a person by:

Selling 3/4 of my merch. Unlearning the pride that comes with owning K-pop merch was difficult, but overtime, I have been proud of myself for not falling to the traps of capitalism—at least in K-pop. Also! I was able to buy my own concert tickets with the stuff I sold so it is a win!

Joining giveaways instead. No matter how I can avoid the urge to buy K-pop merch, I still can’t help but want to own them. This is where I discovered how joining giveaways was my next best option. It takes a lot of effort and screenshots to win these things. However, if and when you win, it really feels like winning against the odds. You get free merch too!

Actually spent hours to vote and stream. In relation to the last point, since the main requirement in giveaways I’ve joined are voting/streaming proofs, I have been one of those people who collects points on voting apps or has a playlist of music videos that should be streamed. After collecting and/or streaming, I take screenshots, put watermarks there, and tags mutuals if needed. It’s relatively hard work but there’s a feeling of pride when your idol wins the poll or an MV reaches a certain amount of views and you know you participated in making that happen.

5. Rediscover Youtube. Channels like the vlogbrothers and their associates (Crash Course, Pemberley Digital among others), Buzzfeed’s shows (The Try Guys, Ladylike, Buzzfeed Unsolved) were a delight to watch after being out of the Youtube loop for so long. The platform also offered new niches of content and I allowed myself to be sucked in it. From Simply Nailogical to Ask A Mortician to amazing pop culture video essays like Lindsay Ellis and Jenny Nicholson, Youtube has all it for you! Learning something new every day is one of my favorite things and I get to do it with this website.

6. Rediscover my love of writing. (As if I’ve written anything for my thesis but here.)

Made drabbles. There is a weekly activity on my fandom where we write < 500 word drabbles on any pairings. I have been joining when I can, and through the support of the (small) community (back then), I gained confidence to write one. I’ve written at least four now and I’ve not done yet because I’ve been on a slump lately. But I’ll get back to it soon!

Short story. The same account that brought the drabble challenge created a festival where we write a pairing and write a short story with it. I decided to join the event! Not going to lie, my entry was shit, It was the first draft, it needed a lot of revisions and more constructive criticism and yet, I am still proud of it. It was the first creative fiction I wrote since 2019 and I did it in a day. And, I believe it has potential, so I’m going to review and revise the hell out of it someday.

7. Reclaim my college days.

Reconnected with orgmates. Visiting Elbi for registration and consultation purposes are brightened up by the fact that I get to do this. My first four years of college were not kind to me. I’ve forgotten a lot of things because of trauma and deep sadness that I still have until this day, and when I remember good things, they’re few and far in between. The numbered days I was in Elbi during 2019 were also few and far in between, but they were infinitely better than my academic years from 2015 to 2017. I was able to do the things I wasn’t able to do before (mostly attending Happy Ts and eating in newly-opened food places there) and I get to do it with people I love.

Made friends. One of the drawbacks of being a slot-driven student with no care of my coursemates’ schedules: I didn’t get to establish a friend group. So I didn’t get to make friends. During this time, I’ve accepted that I didn’t have any friends outside my organizations. But this time, instead of a feeling of dread of being that cliché orgmate, I feel relief and happiness because now, I realize that I do have friends from college, unlike the 2015-2017 who didn’t have anyone in college to rely on her darkest times.

8. Appreciated my friends more. For the past few years, I was the shitty friend. I agreed to go on hangouts only to message them that I’m backing out the last minute—sometimes I even straight up ghosted them. I really took my friends for granted. I have been slowly making it up to them by always attending when there’s an invite! I sometimes initiate the invite and it’s always a fun and healing time for me (it was a literal healing time for me as I was depressed during that time). I love them and I’m always thankful for them—and more so now than before.

 9. Unlearning things like:

Realizing that a priv (a private account meant to be seen by your mutuals you trust; usually contains unpopular opinions and hot takes on stan twitter) only encourages negative emotions and I must not do it again.

No matter how I tried rationalizing my hate for Jennie when the JenKai dating news happened, I was one of those K-pop stans who hated her because she dated my idol. (I have moved on past that and have started liking her and Rose.)

Knowing that attacking people for what they say won’t make them unlearn their wrong opinions. Not talking down at them and educating with patience is the key, always.

There are still so much more I unlearned and learned where those came from. My main takeaway is: it’s complicated.  Sometimes our opinion needs a more nuanced perspective and sometimes it needs to scrapped entirely because it was just wrong. But it is essential so we, as people, won’t be stuck with outdated views of the world.

10.   Learning something new like:

Practicing how to do Tzuyu’s helicopter hands until I realized it wasn’t meant for me.

Utilizing Omegle to look for potential quaranflings.

Installing Telegram and uninstalling to ghost quaranflings.

How to do laundry in compliance with my mother’s preferences.

Doing two things at once.

Enough patience to take time and read the laws our government makes every day to know what I’m fighting against.

Optimizing my Twitter lists and now I can keep up with current affairs (that takes a toll on my mental health) then scroll through a fic fest-centric list the next (that helps me forget the stress from reading news).

Learning something new every day has become one of my life goals. Knowing that the world always has something new to offer to me, a speck in this universe, warms me up and keeps me going. And you’ll never know where the new tidbits will lead you. Maybe it’ll help you reconnect with something you’ve known before, maybe it’ll change how you see things, or maybe it’s something new that once explored, it will contribute something new to the community. It may seem small and unimportant but with a tweak in perspective, it might be something worth doing and pursuing.

Looking back at my list, I can finally see how if I didn’t do all these things, I would have probably finished my thesis by now and probably working a full-time job, able to provide the financial needs for my family. There will always be regret that I am still not done until now. But stressing over my current predicament in this time when the world is in its most stressful state yet won’t help me. So, we soldier on and hopefully, hopefully get back to the thesis I’ve been meaning to do.

 Let’s get it.

[apriorisea]

“But I Still Want You” - Part 3

You x Jimin

~~~2 Days Later: Wednesday~~~

You took Tuesday off work. You just couldn’t risk running into Jimin again. When he’d left you on Monday, you’d cried until you couldn’t breathe and then you’d locked your office door and stayed hidden away until it was time to go home. You took the back way, not wanting to run into anyone with your face as puffy and red as it was.     Your phone hadn’t stopped buzzing, really, the texts ranging from mildly curious to out-and-out worried. When you got home, you’d finally sent him a response: So sorry, LONG day. Think I’m getting sick. I appreciate you checking in on me.      He tried calling you a few times on Tuesday, but each time you ignored the call, saying you were spending the day with your cousin and everything was fine.      And now it was Wednesday, time to move on. As you pull into your usual spot in the parking garage, you can see him waiting for you, with his customary bright smile and a surprise fruit smoothie in tow. You take a small breath and quickly check your mirror: you’d spent all last night with cold compresses on your eyes to try and reduce the swelling, and though you’d applied a lot of makeup to hide the dark circles, you were still worried it wouldn’t be enough. Squaring your shoulders, you climb out of the car, willing yourself to smile.     The tall dancer greets you with a quick hug and then offers the smoothie. “Mango-strawberry,” he says.     “My favorite,” you confirm, managing a real smile this time. You take a sip. “Thank you. That’s very sweet of you.”     Falling into step next to you, he looks at you carefully. “So...how are you? Did you have a nice time with your cousin yesterday?”     You nod, taking another sip as you try to remember the details of your cover story. “Yeah, it was great. I don’t get to see her often.”     “That’s good,” he says once the two of you are in the elevator. “Are you feeling a little better?”     You look at him sharply. “What?”     “You said the other day that you thought you were getting sick,” he smiles gently. “Are you feeling better?”     “Oh.” You take another swallow of smoothie. “Yeah, I’m---I’m feeling a little better. Thanks.”     You must have done something bad in a past life, because the first thing you see when the elevator doors open to the main lobby is Jimin. He’s with Jungkook and a few of the managers, waiting to take the elevator up to his floor, and as soon as he sees you, everything goes quiet.      Jimin’s gaze wanders from you to the backup dancer next to you, and you catch the tiniest flicker of devastation on his face before he smiles. “Good morning,” he says politely, bowing a little. His eyes go to your face, and you know that he immediately sees through all of your precautions. “How are you?”     It doesn’t matter how hard he’s working to hide it: you can read him easily. You feel the heat creep up your neck and give a haphazard bow in return. “Good morning,” you say, including the others in your greeting. You can’t help but notice the way Jungkook is staring at the man beside you, his expression a complicated mess of emotions. “I’m---I’m well, how are you?”     Jimin doesn’t really answer, just smiles faintly and nods, then steps back so he’s out of your way. He’s pointedly ignoring the dancer standing next to you.    The other man clearly misses this omission. Smiling brightly, he says, “I’m actually really glad for the break this week. It’ll be good for us all in the long-run!”     “Yes.” To almost everyone else, Jimin’s answer is polite and pleasant, but you and Jungkook immediately hear the tension bubbling beneath the surface.     You exchange a nervous look with the maknae but move past them nervously. As their group boards the elevator, you turn to face them. “Have a good day,” you add. “Your---your tour wardrobes look amazing, by the way.”     Jimin smiles at you, his eyes holding you gently. “Yes, they’re beautiful. Thank you for your hard work.”     The doors start closing, and Jungkook says helpfully: “We’ll see you soon, right?”     You can’t answer that, so you just smile and stay still until the doors are closed.     Bumping your arm softly, your new friend smiles nervously down at you. “I hope my wardrobe still looks okay...”     Of course he goes for the joke. You smile, but even you can tell it falls flat. Taking a small breath, you turn to go, the smoothie sloshing around your empty stomach.

---------

As soon as the doors close, Jimin’s posture slumps. Bowing his head, he rubs his forehead irritably.    “It’s okay, hyung,” Jungkook is saying softly. “You did really well. It’s going to be okay.”    He doesn’t answer for a long time. “I was worried about her,” he admits in the smallest voice. “Because she didn’t come to work yesterday. But she’s....she looks....I guess he took care of her,” he finishes lamely.      Jungkook isn’t sure what to say, so the rest of the trip is silent.

~~~Thursday~~~

You don’t see Jimin, but that’s more a sign of the times than a stroke of luck: the deadlines are coming fast, and word around the company is that all 7 of the boys are pushing themselves to the limit in order to be ready. You do a little bit of careful digging, but no one has any unfavorable gossip about Jimin---though several mention how tired he seems lately.     You inadvertently have lunch with half of the dance crew, because he wanted to eat with you, but the rest of his buddies tag-along, too. It’s fine, but you can’t bring yourself to smile at all of his jokes this time.

~~~Friday~~~

There’s a rumor going around that the boys’ trainer and a medical doctor had been called in, but no one can confirm for whom. No matter how hard you try, you can’t push this out of your mind, and you keep an eye out for him the whole day.    Just after lunch, you’re heading up to the main offices for a delivery, when you run into Jimin in the hallway. Once again, he’s not alone, but they all stop and bow politely at you.     You ask first this time: “How are you?”    He smiles, his mask looking nearly perfect. “We’re all working hard to prepare for the tour. Are you....are you well?”     You nod. “Yes, I am, thank you.” The mask doesn’t fool you: he’s trying so hard to seem fine for you, but it’s killing him and you can see it. The words don’t come to mind easily and he’s ushered away before anything can come to you.    It isn’t until later that you realize “well” was a poor substitute for “happy” and the look of pain at your answer haunts you for the rest of the day.    The text comes close to quitting time: Are you busy tonight? Want to go see a movie?     You can’t think of anything you’d rather do less, but you agree, because that was the point of all this pain, wasn’t it? To move on? To move forward? For both of your sakes?    He holds your hand during the movie and all the way home, and there’s something dark bubbling inside you, but you swallow it down until you’re alone.     “Be happy,” Jimin had said. “I want you to be happy.”    It hurts more than anything.

~~~Saturday~~~

It’s too close to the deadline for anyone to have a day-off, but when word gets out that another doctor had been called to the boys’ personal rooms, you can’t ignore the worry anymore.    Hiding out in your office, you text Yoongi and Jin. Though it takes a while, they confirm that the doctor had been to see Jimin, but that he was doing okay and you shouldn’t worry. You have no choice but to believe them.    Luckily, things are too busy for you to see anyone other than your boss and team. You’re home and stumbling into bed when you get the text: Missed seeing you today---I hope everything will be less busy soon! ;)     You ignore it.

~~~Sunday~~~

Though every department had come in early this morning, as the day wore on most people left, finished with what they could do for the week. But the shooting for the MV was on Thursday, and there were a million wardrobe adjustments that needed to be done, so you and your coworkers keep at it, even as the rest of the building goes silent.    By 6:02pm, it’s just you and your boss, both of you committed to staying until everything is finished. It’s 7:04pm when she gets a call from her husband, asking her to come home quick because the baby is sick. She apologizes to you a million times, but you promise you don’t mind---being busy is better than being alone. She leaves with your reassurance that what you started would be finished before you left.     Your phone buzzes at 8:06pm: Are you still at work?? I dropped by your place to say hi, but no one’s here. Everything ok?    You don’t feel bad not responding, because the work piled in front of you is a legitimate excuse. By 9:08pm, you’re pretty sure you’re the only one left in the building, minus the security team. It feels peaceful and devastating all at the same time, and in the relative quiet, your mind wanders.     Taehyung had called you this morning, just wanting to check-in, but there was a layer of worry about his brother in every word. He had never asked you outright about your dating life, but the questions had hovered around the subject enough to get the point across. You’d given vague answers, unable to focus due to the pain, and when the call ended, you both hung up unsatisfied.     At 9:30pm, you finish the final bit of work and sit back in your seat, exhausted. Now that all the machinery was turned off, the silence is deafening and immediate. There’s not a sound anywhere---    Except you swear you can hear music. You glance at your watch: it’s too late for anyone else to be here. The word had gone out that the boys had left at 6:30pm today, a feeble attempt to “rest up” before the long week ahead. No other department was working this late. The company should be empty.     Tucking your phone into your back pocket, you get to your feet and go to investigate. It doesn’t take you long to find the source of the music: it’s blaring from the large practice room, though most of the lights are off inside. Your curiosity is turning into concern, some part of your soul sensing trouble, so you pull open the door, anxious about what you’ll find.     It takes you a moment to see him. Jimin is sitting alone in the middle of the floor, futilely attempting to stretch out his back. You watch for only a moment before he collapses in on himself, in obvious distress.     That’s all it takes. You’re at his side in seconds, kneeling on the floor next to him. “Have you put heat on it?” you ask, raising your voice over the music.     He’s startled by your appearance and in so much pain that all he can do is shake his head no. You brush your hand through his hair comfortingly and get to your feet, going to the medical supply cupboard in the corner and turning off the music. Now that it’s quiet, you can hear his labored breathing, and it only makes you more upset. You grab the heating pads that are kept in this room for this specific purpose and hurry back to him. “Lie down,” you say softly. With your help, he manages to stretch out on his stomach, his face buried in his arms. You put the heating pads across his lower back and hold them in place. “Have you taken anything yet?”     “No,” he says, his voice barely a whisper.     You go on the hunt for those and a bottle of water. “Did you call someone?”     “Yes.”     When you get back to him, the heat has already done a little bit of work. Kneeling next to him again, you remove the heating pads and carefully start to massage his back. “It’s okay,” you say quietly. “Take those drugs. It’s going to be okay soon.”     He obeys mutely, and the room is silent while you work on his sore, overworked muscles. You’re so focused on helping him that it takes you a moment to realize his shoulders are shaking with silent tears.     You freeze. “Am I hurting you??”     Slowly, he sits up, moving carefully and ignoring your noise of concern. The tears are streaming freely down his face as he meets your eyes.      “Jimin. Your back---”     “Who cares about my back?” he scoffs through tears, even as he winces.      You reach for the heating pad again and scoot closer to him to hold it carefully against his back. “I do,” you say irritably. “You need to keep heat on it for now.”     His eyes are still stuck on your face. “The only thing I need is you,” he says, and before you can respond, he goes on tearfully: “I miss you, babygirl. I miss you so much it’s killing me---way more than my back ever could. It’s eating me alive and I can’t do anything about it, because it’s all my fault.” He reaches for you desperately, but since your attention is focused on his back, he ends up with a hand on your knee. “I hurt you. How can I ever forgive myself for that?? But I miss you.”     Your heart is racing, and the only thing keeping you from tears is your concern for him. “Relax the muscles as much as you can,” you say, staring at the affected area in an attempt to avoid his pointed gaze.     “I’m not good enough for you.” He’s regained a tiny bit of his composure: he’s still crying, but now that he’s touching you, his voice is a little steadier and a lot less panicked. “I wasn’t there for you. I let my own concerns pull me away from you. I know I wasn’t easy to deal with when I was stressed---I was sharp and distracted. I missed things. I put my focus on work when I should have been putting it our relationship, the most precious thing in my life. I am selfish and stupid and weak, and you deserve so much more. You deserve better than me. I’m worthless.”     He’s getting himself worked up again and you can feel his muscles tensing up again as he does. “Take a breath, please. You’re not worthless,” you insist softly, leaning a little closer to readjust your hold on the heating pads. You meet his eyes briefly and an instinctive comforting smile tries to break across your face. “You’re not---”      “Don’t do that,” he says brokenly. “Please don’t.”     You stare at him, still trying to keep the heating pads flush to his back. “Do what?”      “Smile to me. Lie to me.” He inhales roughly. “Try to make me feel better when I shouldn’t. I’m a mess. I couldn’t keep my promise to you---I missed your friend’s dinner, and I know that wasn’t the first time. I constantly let you down. I made you cry.” He holds onto your knee more tightly. “I’m so sorry I ever made you cry. I’m sorry I hurt you.” He chokes on his tears and reaches his other hand out to rest softly on the side of your face. “I am so sorry, please believe me.”     The tears are filling your eyes again, threatening to overflow. The touch of his fingers against your skin feels so wonderful that you don’t ever want to move. He’s still looking into your eyes, and you’re struck again by the desire to crawl into his lap, hide your face in the crook of his neck, and never leave. You swallow unsteadily.      “My precious girl,” he says softly. “I’m so sorry. I’m working so hard to be better,” he adds anxiously. “I’m seeing someone to help with my issues, I’m making myself stronger mentally, I’m recommitting myself to the things that are most important. I’m learning to set boundaries and prioritize. I’m.....I’m trying to fix the ruined part of myself, because the only thing I want to be is the man who is worthy of you.” His face crumples. “Even though I know that will never be possible. I know I will never be good enough for you.” Bringing his other hand away from your knee, he cradles your face in his hands tenderly, his gaze wandering over you desperately.     “Jimin....” you whisper, closing your eyes for just a moment. It’s getting hard to breathe again, and you’re trying to hold onto the part of you that thought this break-up was a good idea---but you’re having a hard time finding it. This is all ridiculous, a part of you whispers. What is the point of being apart if it only makes us both miserable? How is that helping either of us? Why did I ever think this was a good idea??      He’s still holding you gently, stroking your face lightly with his thumbs. “I dream about you constantly,” he says softly. “I dream about you taking me back, giving me one more chance to love you and protect you and take care of you---it’s my second greatest desire.” He inhales unsteadily and his hands slip from your face dejectedly. “But I know it will always be a dream. So I cling to my greatest desire, the only thing I really want, the most important thing: your happiness. And even there I fail, because I’m so conflicted.” He says your name carefully, almost reverently, and the emotions overcome him again. “I need you to be happy,” he says tearfully. “....But I still want you.”     His eyes never leaving yours, he starts leaning in a little closer, moving slowly to give you the space to pull back if you want.     But there’s nothing in you that wants that. You are desperate for him, dying for his touch and warmth and familiarity. The heating pads slip from your useless fingers as he draws closer; your heart is pounding in your throat as your mind races in conflict, but when he finally closes the gap and presses his lips softly to yours, the sigh that escapes you is completely involuntary.     In only a month, you had forgotten this feeling of pure, unadulterated joy, the way his lips fit yours perfectly, the way everything else melts away when he kissed you like this. The return of these feelings is overwhelming. THIS, your mind is screaming. This is all I want, THIS THIS THIS, him. Please.     As if he had heard you, one of his hands moves to rest on your hip, pulling you a little closer, and you you think your heart is going to explode. This is what it should feel like, it says triumphantly. This is right. This and only this. You want to forget everything else and stay in this moment forever.     But all at once, the uncomfortable memory of someone else’s lips brushing your skin and the sound of the practice room door unlocking rips you from your perfect happiness. Jimin makes a distinct sound of disappointment when you pull back, but before either of you can speak, the physical trainer opens the door.     “You should have called me earlier,” he says roughly. “I told you to take it easy, didn’t I?” He looks at you, some of his anger softening. “Thank God you had her here. Did you put heat on it?”     “Y-yes,” you answer distractedly. You get slowly to your feet, moving out of the way so the trainer can have a better look. “I tried to work on it a little, plus he took some painkiller. Less than 15 minutes ago.”     The man nods again. “Good, good. You’re lucky this wasn’t worse,” he reminds his patient darkly.     Jimin is looking up at you, clearly still hungover from the kiss, and though he doesn’t say anything, he desperately and obviously wants you back by his side. But your mind is still racing, already set in your decision but trying to find the best means to accomplish it.     “Lie down,” the trainer instructs, getting to his feet and heading for the medicine cabinet.     Your plan finally made, you meet Jimin’s pleading gaze. “I can’t do this yet,” you whisper. “Just....just give me a second, okay?”     His face falls, but before he can say anything, the trainer returns. Knowing he would be safe and watched over for a while, you force yourself to leave.

-----------

It only takes 1 text message to learn that he was home alone, so you head for his apartment talking yourself up the whole way. By the time you reach his place, you’ve gone over the conversation a million times.     As soon as he opens the door, his face breaks into a wide smile. “Hey,” he says, stepping back to usher you inside. “Long time no see.”     You stay where you are. “I’m sorry.” It was the only way to begin the difficult conversation. “When we started talking, I was still reeling from a break-up, and even though I hate the term, I think I used you as a rebound. I didn’t intend to,” you add earnestly. “I was just in a lot of pain and it was nice to be around someone who could take it away for a little bit. You are so sweet and caring, and you were kinder to me than I deserved. I will always be grateful for that.” You try not to focus on the unhappy expression on his face, thinking instead of Jimin and your need to be back with him. “But I also owe you so many apologies, because I let it go on to somewhere it shouldn’t have. I’m still in love with someone else. I’m so sorry.”     He’s quiet for a long time, just studying you. Finally, he says quietly: “Did you guys fix things, then?”     You sigh. “It’s not fixed yet,” you say honestly. “But we’re both going to work on fixing it, and that’s all I want.”     “He is all you really want,” he corrects, but there’s no malice in his tone---just disappointment.     You don’t deny it. “I really am so sorry.”     He exhales heavily and gives you a tiny smile. “Don’t be. It was always just a  pipe dream anyway. .....You’re sure this is what you want?”     You think of Jimin and the way he felt like home and you can’t stop the smile from reaching every part of your face. “Yes. I still want him.”

---------

On your way back to the company, you try to call Jimin several times, but each time the call goes straight to voicemail. You wait impatiently for the bus to reach it stop, and rush off before anyone else even has a chance to get to their feet. You don’t stop until you reach the practice room, pulling the door open and reminding yourself at the last minute that you needed to show more decorum around the other staff members.     The reminder is pointless, because once again Jimin is alone in the room. In the 70 minutes it had taken you to have your conversation with the dancer, he had clearly been through the full treatment for his back. He’s sitting in one of the rolling chairs in the corner of the room, staring blankly into space.     When the door clicks shut behind you, he turns to look at you, his eyes refocusing slowly. A spasm of pain crosses his face, but this time it has nothing to do with his back. He gets slowly to his feet, resettling the hood of his jacket over his head as he does.     “Are you okay?” you gasp, still trying to catch your breath from the wild dash. “Is your back okay?”     Taking in your disheveled appearance, he frowns and comes towards you. “Are you okay?”     You nod wordlessly.     He nods with you, then takes a deep breath, steeling himself before beginning: “I’m sorry that I made you uncomfortable. I spent all that time telling you how I was getting better, and then I go and do that....” He shakes his head. “You said you needed space and time, and I---I understand that. I really do want you to be happy. So I’ll give you the space you need, whatever it takes for you to feel comfortable and happy.” He manages a tiny smile and reaches out to squeeze your arm. “Just please remember that I am so sorry, and if you ever need anything, I’m here.” With this, he takes another deep breath and moves around you, heading for the door.     You’re caught so off-guard by his reaction that it takes you a few moments to find your words. “I didn’t---”     “It’s okay, really,” he says, but he doesn’t stop. “I know the situation, and I don’t hold it against you---you don’t have to say anything.”     “No, wait, just---just stop.” He finally freezes and you take your own deep breath to calm down. “I’m sorry I ran out earlier, I just had something I needed to do really quick while the trainer was here.”     “You don’t have to apologize.” He doesn’t turn back to look at you, and his voice is full of barely-withheld pain. “But I’m sorry, I really need to go now. Let me call security to walk you home---”     His words are cut off as you run to him and wrap your arms around him from behind. “Baby,” you say gently, hugging him tight. “Please wait just a second.”  You feel his breath catch at the term of endearment and release him, moving around to stand in front of him. He meets your eyes hopefully. Softly, you reach up and pull down his hood. “I love you,” you say, feeling a million pounds lighter now that you finally got to say it back. “I love you more than I can explain. I love you so much that it’s ridiculous. I have never once stopped loving you, and instead of crumbling under this test, I should have held on tighter. Because you may not be perfect, but you are the only perfect thing for me.” The tears prickle at the corner of your eyes again. “I still want you. Only you. And if you can forgive me for my part in this, I promise you that I won’t give up again. We’ll work through it all together, because you are everything to me and I don’t want to do this without you.” Feeling the sob creep up your throat, you give up on words and step closer to him. You wrap your arms around his neck and hold on tight, hiding your face against his shoulder. ���I love you.”     His arms are already around you, cradling you against him so carefully. One hand comes up to stroke your hair softly. “Don’t cry, babygirl. Don’t cry.” He takes a huge breath and lets it out slowly; there are a million things he wants to say, but first he wants you to calm down, so he hugs you and rubs your back and lets you cry until it’s done.    You pull back, your hands slipping to rest on his chest as you look into his face. He immediately takes your face in his hands and starts brushing your tears away, his brow furrowed in concern. You take a small breath. “I’m okay now.”     The smile is quick and immediate, but as he meets your gaze, it fades slightly. He puts his arms around your waist, pulling you close to him. “You are my everything,” he breathes, pressing his forehead against yours. “I want this more than anything else in the world, I want you.” He can’t help but grin at the way your cheeks flush, but it can’t push away his thoughts for too long. The shadow passes over his face and he sighs. “But I’m afraid of hurting you again. I’m---I’m working, but I’m not perfect yet.”     “I don’t want perfect,” you say, touching his face softly. “I just want you. We can grow together. Please?”     He studies you a moment longer, then leans in to press his lips to yours. “Whatever you want, babygirl. Thank you,” he adds, before kissing you again. “I promise I’ll be better.”     “We’ll be better,” you correct mildly, then pull him in for another long kiss. When you finally break away, you smooth some hair out of his face. “How’s your back pain?”     He smiles. “What back pain?” Releasing you, he intertwines his fingers with yours and tugs you towards the door. “Let’s go home, babygirl: we have so much catching up to do.”

[rukakikuchi]

My speculation/theories on LOONA’s next comeback.

Oh boy, oh boy… As we’ve been waiting for LOONA’s next comeback, we’ve had plenty of time to speculate on what the concept for what said comeback will be like. And it seems like the girls are just as excited as us, as they seem to be dropping hints as to what it’s going to be.

We’re going to look at some possibilities based on the hints we’ve been given so far, as well as some speculation as to what else we could see coming from LOONA in the near future.

Flowers and nature

As soon as promotions for “So What” ended, LOONA wasted no time dropping subtle references to flowers and nature, leading many fans to believe their next concept could be flowers or nature related.

References made to flowers:

Chuu participating in King of Masked Singer as “Spring Girl”

Using flowers and nature related emojis (i.e. rainbow) in social media posts

Yves and Chuu Frequency of the Moon topic was “spring”

Heejin being called “a goddess among the flowers” in the post promoting her appearance in Ben’s “Bad” MV (Source)

ViVi, Jinsoul, and Chuu Frequency of the Moon topic was “flower”

Gowon, Yves, and Jinsoul took a photo with a tulip in behind the scenes photos of a magazine shoot (Sources: 1, 2, 3)

Yves posting a photo of her with roses (Source)

Mentioning “blooming” and other flower/nature related phrases

In a post celebrating Choerry and Olivia’s coming of age: “Things will get better with that rose” (Source)

Yves mentioning flowers blooming in different seasons in her fancafe letter on her birthday and saying she’ll bloom more vibrantly each year (Source)

Kim Lip saying “keep walking flower paths only with us” in her Orbit 2.0 anniversary fancafe letter (Source)

Gowon saying “photosynthesis time” (Source)

We’ve already had it all but officially confirmed that LOONA’s upcoming comeback is happening in August (Yves told Nature they were planning on an August comeback during filming on Fact in Star back in June.) (Source)

With it being the summer season, I could see them either doing a bright, fun concept with an energetic sound, or they could go for a dreamy concept with beautiful visuals and emotional vocals.

Royalty and elegance

Another concept the group has been dropping hints about is a royal concept.

Firstly, we’ve been seeing several recent instances of the girls wearing these fancy black dresses. 

These outfits were first seen during promotion for the group’s premier greeting “Meet & Up” event. Since then, we’ve seen them on the official Japanese fan club website, the post commemorating one million subscribers on Youtube (Source), the celebration of Orbits’ 2nd anniversary (Source), and even during LOONA the TAM Season 2.

There’s also their official light stick, which is designed like a crown. 

Not only that, but they come with a golden cape that you can wear. We also got a photo of the girls in these capes and white dresses in what appear to be a palace.

There’s also their cover performance of “Love Battery” on Immortal Songs 2, which took a very jazzy and theatrical spin on the song, adding their own LOONA flair to it. The members have stated in the past (Yves specifically I believe) that their covers were hints to their next comeback, since their boy group dance covers prior to the release of [#] hinted at the style “So What” would be like.

This could just be a general group concept rather than just a comeback concept, but if they do go for a royal or elegant concept, there’s honestly a bunch of possibilities for what it could sound like. It could range from an elegant, ethereal vibe, a fun yet powerful dance number, a big band jazzy style song, or even a pop-ballad.

And speaking of ballad…

Return of LOONA the Ballad?

It has been over half a year since it was announced that LOONA the Ballad, or La Maison LOONA, a ballad album that had been teased since 2018 was cancelled. I only very recently became an Orbit, but was nonetheless disappointed when I heard an entire album they had planned to release had been scrapped for release.

...Or was it? Because recently, the girls have been hinting that maybe LOONA the Ballad isn’t completely gone.

Now I’m not sure whether this is true or not, but supposedly during a fansign event, a fan asked Chuu if there was a possibility that the album could still be released, and she just smiled and said “Soon!”

But then we had the moment during Yves’ birthday VLive where we heard what sounded like a snippet of “Stay with me babe (aka “Hyper Ballad”)” playing. (Source)

If BBC didn’t have backup files for the original planned album, there’s probably a chance they had to re-record the album altogether. It might even be possible they’re going to repurpose the songs they planned to release on LOONA the Ballad for something entirely new.

Japanese debut?

LOONA’s Japanese debut was another delayed project I learned about after becoming a fan. And since we recently got the launch of their official Japanese fan club, I think they have had plans on releasing their Japanese debut soon.

Now, these plans might have changed with what’s going on in the world right now, but I think it’s possible that we will get more news regarding this some time this year.

The only question is, what would they do? Would the royalty concept be utilized here while the Korean comeback focuses on the floral/nature concept? Could it be possible that the tracks that were meant to be for LOONA the Ballad were repurposed to become a Japanese release? Will the Japanese debut be a new song or just a translated version of a song they already released like “Hi High” or “Butterfly”?

Again, there’s several possibilities and until we hear more from the staff or the girls themselves, we’ll just have to wait and see.

“Day and Night” official release?

This is something I’ve been curious about for a while. We’ve gotten hints that we’re going to get something related to “Day and Night”, the hidden track released on the CD only version of [#].

Digipedi posted a video on their Instagram of them listening to “Day and Night” in the car. Now, this can simply be that they really like the song and nothing more. But what if it means there’s a music video for “Day and Night”?

Also, in a LOONA Kick where Olivia was filming herself with a moon face filter, we hear the girls singing “Day and Night” in the background. (Source)

Personally, I thought this meant they would be performing “Day and Night” at KCON:TACT 2020, but that ended up not being the case. Still, I can’t help but wonder if we’ll actually get to see a performance of it in the future, or at least a dance practice video.

I also wonder if they would do an official release of the song, either as a digital single or have it included as an official track if they decide to do a repackage of [#] for the next comeback. Whatever the case, it feels like the girls are planning something related to it.

What will the album be called?

Aside from the concept and sound of the comeback, one of the big things fans have speculated on is what the name of the album is going to be. The album names for the OT12 releases have had significant meanings; [+ +] is about how the girls and units combine into the full group (addition), [X X] is about that power being amplified (multiplication), and [#] is about realizing their strengths and what they can accomplish when they are together.

The most common guesses I’ve seen for the album title are [*] and [O]. Before I give my thoughts on which one it could be, let’s look at what each of the symbols could mean if used.

First, we have the asterisk symbol (*). This symbol is used to call attention to a footnote, indicate an omission, point to disclaimers, and dress up company logos. Basically, it’s meant to draw attention to an otherwise minor detail.

This seems to match up with LOONA as a group, as the girls always work their hardest to perfect even the slightest details of their dancing or singing in order to put out a quality performance for their fans. And in the context of the LOONAverse, it could mean that even the smallest detail can become significant.

The symbol has also been pointed out to resemble a star or flower. If they really are going with a flower concept, it would be a clever choice if they went with this.

Now for the “O”. This isn’t really a symbol; it’s a letter. But there are quite a few reasons why it can become a meaningful symbol should they name the album [O].

Firstly, most frankly, the letter “O” resembles a full moon, and we know LOONA is all about the moon.

Secondly, in “So What” there’s a line that references the “O or X” in tic-tac-toe. One way fans have interpreted that line is that it’s them talking about how most girl groups in K-pop fall into either a cute concept or a girl crush concept, and the song as a whole is about not being restricted by anyone or anything.

We’ve already had the “X” in [X X], so it would make sense if they did “O” next.

Also, if you replace the “#” in “B#RN” with an “O”, it becomes “BORN”, which plays into the idea that the next concept could be about rebirth. Again, this would fit into the flower concept as flowers always bloom again as the seasons come and go.

I already theorized that [#] and “So What” would be about the destruction and rebirth of LOONA and the LOONAverse, so maybe the next comeback will continue from that.

“So What” was specifically about the “destruction” part of this; the girls are breaking out from their old image and everything that held them back. Olivia quite literally sets the moon on fire to symbolize this action. And at the end, we see the bird feathers being revived after being burnt.

So this next comeback could possibly focus on the “rebirth” part, showing just how much stronger LOONA have become as a whole.

As for which one I think the title of the album would be, I’m leaning more towards the asterisk symbol, since it lines itself up with the potential flower/nature concept and the meaning and usage of the symbol can become significant to LOONA when put in the right context.

My thoughts

As of right now, it feels like a flower/nature concept focused on rebirth is most likely what we’re going to get. Sound-wise, if their cover of “Love Battery” really is a hint for what the song will be like, I could totally see it working with LOONA.

However, if they are in fact repurposing the LOONA the Ballad tracks for a new comeback, I could see them actually using both the flower and royal concepts. In my mind, “Daydream” would be the flower/nature concept with an ethereal dreamlike look and feel, while “Stay with me babe” would be the royal/elegant concept and be more mature. Not straight up sexy, but more like an alluring feel.

I also think it’s possible that they would use the royal concept for their Japanese debut, with a new style that’s not something we’ve seen in their previous releases but also feels familiar to LOONA’s overall concept and style.

Also, while I don’t think they plan on doing this for their next comeback, I think it would be nice to see the group do solos and units again. Not just for pre-existing units, but new units as well. The members have talked about the possibility of them doing new units in the past, and fans have speculated on things such as the “day and night” units (which are basically the tall line and short line lol), but we don’t know if those plans were also postponed or cancelled.

With everything that’s going on in the world, we may not know just yet, so for now it’s all a matter of if and when. Regardless, I’m so excited for what this next concept will be like.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this discussion! Feel free to share your own thoughts on what you think the comeback will be like!

Until then... Stan LOONA! 🌙💖

[hyycks]

100 reasons to love lee donghyuck

[repost cause i remade oops; ill be posting part two for his birthday!]

“hAEllo my name is Haechan :D”

his raw talent and passion for performing.

he’s always ready to jump on stage and for his very best, and you can see it everytime he smiles at the end of his performance

as a trainee he was one of the best rappers since he had such an amazing sense of rhythm as doyoung mentioned  

music is more than just his job, it’s his passion and he genuinely enjoys learning and experiencing music

his undying love for Michael Jackson

his heart shaped smile that really rivals the sun itself.

his smile is so pure and sincere it can make anyone’s day better

his confidence in his tanned skin, even though some people tease him for it he’s always so loving about his own skin color.

his constant need for physical affection whether it be hugging his members or trying to give Mark cheek kisses

hes not afraid to show his love adoration for members

his laugh and the way he almost falls over from laughing too hard

the fact that he cooks for the members from time to time, showing how much he truly cares for them

mood maker of the group!!! he’s always trying to make everyone happy and keep the team energized with his jokes or random acts!

he’s more considerate than people make him out to be. although people keep teasing Jeno for being “No Jam” he said Jeno is really one of the funniest members as a compliment and Jeno was so smiley throughout the rest of the vlive.

the way he smiles so fondly at the younger members and is always looking out for them

his passion for dancing. even though he’s the vocalist in the group, his dancing skills are truly commendable. he has sharp memory when it comes to dance and he enjoys learning to choreo to sooo many songs!!

the way he calls himself fullsun in English!

HIS ENGLISH! *cue donghyuck saying marshmallow*

his taste in music, he listens to amazing songs across so many different genres, and loves recommending songs to us as well which is so adorable

the way he styles himself! he knows what looks good on him but he’s not afraid to try new things

the fact that he collects LPs! he loves collecting LPs of his favorite albums, and you can see the glimmer of excitement in his eyes when he spotted a few of his fav in LA

his cute tarot readings! also in LA he bought a pack of tarot cards and did some readings for the members and he was so engrossed and into it!

when he’s deeply invested in something, he suddenly goes all quiet and concentrates.

his love for video games! he keeps complaining saying he’s not the best at them but he still tries regardless and enjoys himself!

his voice. his voice is so soothing and gentle, it’s honestly so angelic sm pls let him release a solo track

he can play the piano really well and it’s one of his favorite hobbies !!

he respects shinee a lot, and especially adores Taemins music and he looks up to them!

he grew up so much!! he used to be short and really cute during chewing gum but since then he’s grown really tall!

not just physically, he’s grown so much more mentally. as a person he’s more responsible and careful and he’s so kind and loving

he loves playing with children, and he’s so kind and careful when playing with them!!

even when he’s going through a hard time he tries his best to stay the smiley donghyuck we know of!

his talent doesn’t just stop at performing he does his own eye makeup and shines in his own special way

he wants to be a singer-songwriter and I truly believe he his capable of writing beautiful and amazing music !!

he’s improved so much since the start! he keeps practicing and learning more day by day

he’s so so so caring, when Jisung couldn’t dribble the ball, he kept causing disturbances so that he could redo it!!

the tinie way he kept repeating I love you to sicheng during the 2 year anniversary olive

his giggles!!

dongsookie and the way he laughs while covering his mouth

the way his skin glimmers when he wears the color red

RED! IS! A COLOR! CREATED! FOR! HIM!

he looks so good in red, when he had red hair or whenever he wears red items of clothing his features just stand out so much more!!

he’s been playing football since he was in elementary school and is good at it too!

he’s so good with his words and could easily become a well known variety!dol with his wit and sharp comments

mc!hyuck

sm make hyuck an MC or send him to a variety show please he’s so funnie and quick witted I’m sure he’ll do a great job!

his acting skills! ask him to be dramatic, he’s your guy he can portray multiple emotions in 0.003 seconds what a legend

his lines in paradise :(( (they’re so beautiful I love his voice)

whenever hyuck wears SnapBacks and you can see his cute forehead it just makes me want to give him a thousand tinie kisses

when he gave jeno a kiss on the cheek during the shooting of ‘go’ and just bolted away and how the dreamies remembered it as a memory from shooting the MV

when he harmonizes with Jaehyun and both of their voices sound like angels singing together

on his phone cover he has stickers of all the 127 members from the chain album :(( how … cute

his verses in heartbreaker and angel are the reason why I still breathe they make me feel all giddy inside his voice is so so nice?!

that gif… of donghyuck wrapped up in a blanket and giggling makes my heart jump around like a fool I might as well join the olympics

his high note in ‘go’ is single handedly the best thing ever (renjun singing that part is second)

NCT members said that donghyuck can make delicious food with wtv is in the fridge we love a king of improv cooking

when his hair has his natural waves and he suddenly looks so much more adorable I don’t know how to explain it but .. that photo shoot of his wavy hair … I love it

TRIGGER THE FEVER! All of dreamies did amazing !! BUT TRIGGER THE FEVER I LOVE THE SONG I LOVE HIS SINGING IN THE SONG AND CHOREO IS SO AWESOME I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT

I LOVE HIS HIGH NOTES IN TRIGGER THE FEVER HES SUCH A TALENTED SINGER!!

that aside the dreamies choreos aren’t simple they all put in a lot of work and effort and I’m so proud of all of them, especially my first and last the choreo is so detailed !!

“hErE iS kORea mAN.” “don’T fOrGet okAY?”

him trying to give spoilers for ‘go’ and being pushed off by the other members because he was overdoing it soo much fshsh

whenever they do yaja time, hyuck is either the one having the most fun or suffering the most

when he’s with 127 doing yaja time, he really doesn’t hold back but then karma gets it when jisung picks on him when he’s with the dreamies

when he was directing the boy video for mark and chenle and he kept asking them to change the ‘mood’ of the shoot after every few seconds making everyone laugh

when he held that same eye batting cute smile through most of the live (´｡• ω •｡`)

the fact that he makes up different handshakes with each member and showed them to us too!

behind video for joy and hyuck kept pretending to be lifted up by the helium balloon in the background

Johnny’s love for hyuck and hyucks love johnny, we don’t talk enough about this, they’re both just adorable and so precious

his “hi girls ;D” in the momo x video

when chenle said “sea” in Chinese and hyuck replying “hi :D” cause they sound similar

his cute frustrated face when chenle said he didn’t know what shadow was in korean and he lost the game

when he clung on to mark and said “hyung, I’m hungryyy.” in the most adorable voice ever

“booming system up uh ty track uh ty track”

when doyoung asked hyuck to sing a song from his ost to prove that he heard it and he just sang “APADO GWENCHANA.”

he’s savage and a teasing mess a lot of the times but he’s secretly really sweet and caring and that makes him just so endearing

he may tease mark relentlessly but mark sees him as a younger sibling which shows just how close these two are :((

when his karaoke got voted the most not fun event during NCT life in Paju but instead of just complaining he got up and made a nice breakfast for all of the members

his cover of smooth criminal on weekly idol [plus his cute lisp]

this five seconds at the end of the 00+00+00+00=LOVE vlive where hyuck plays a cover of a thousand miles

when he couldn’t break his chopsticks and taeyong gave him his instead, the way he smiled out of love is just so warm???

he’s honestly so so so talented I mean he’s even good at archery he went on isac and did his very best I was so proud?

when he did a freestyle to whiplash? like where does his talent stop? he’s so talented and skilled in so many areas?

those tiny video which he posts on twitter looking like the cutest boy ever

the way he looks when he wears glasses is just so cute and adorable?

that clip of him jumping around in the feathers for the touch MV

his eyes that are shaped like tony almonds that hold the glimmer of all the stars in this universe combined

his strong stage charisma that has the ability to leave everyone stunned

his scar next to his eye that just makes him all the more human and all the more lovable

all of the moles on his body that deserve to kissed and loved over and over again

he’s really sweet and kind but he loves prancing his members tbt NCT life in Paju when he pranked the members with salted sprite and soy sauce cola and half the members didn’t trust him because they’re used to his pranks

that time when he and Jeno pranked jisung by changing his iPad wallpaper to a cockroach

the way he giggles is so soft and loving it makes flowers bloom all over the world

That time when Chenle and Hyuck relentlessly pushed away members in NCT Dream School Mate to win the game. “yEA ChEnLE BaBY”

he’s actually so thoughtful, he bought a radio just because Johnny and Jaehyun host a radio show to show how much he loves and supports them

when he was singing “baby don’t like it” live on NCT night night but forgot the lyrics it was so cute? (not to mention how blessed his voice was)

kept dancing to other groups choreos instead of their own when dreamies were doing the let’s dance and mark got so frustrated

NCT 127 on Ah!Nimdle where he kept rushing to the front to answer questions about the members by “giving up on looking handsome” (we’d all do it for food thanks)

his commentary on the soccer vlive he did with Jisung and Jungwoo and Yuta! (sm he’s so talented look)

he cuddles people in his sleep which is why he wanted to room with Jeno because he’s comfortable with him but when Jeno exposed hyuck he got so so so so so shy owo

In general he’s such an amazingly talented and wonderful person. He deserves so much more love and I just wish he’d get the appreciation he deserves because even through all the hardships he manages to stay the fullsun we all know and love.

[chaoticneutralwriter]

Unorthodox

You can’t tell whether you’re fortunate or not to have a guardian demon who thinks it’s funny to go around looking like your idol crush BTS’ Park Jimin.

Writing Prompt; Everyone has a guardian angel except you. You have a guardian demon. He deals with things in a much more violent fashion, but much more effective.

guardiandemon!Jimin x reader

genre: fluff, a little light, a little anxiety inducing though given what will happen, minor mentions of death and blood but nothing too graphic

word count: 3.7k

Related works: Genuine | 3AM Demon | The Grinch Who Stole New Year | Distance and The Heart

A/N: I thought this prompt was so good for Halloween but....late to the party again.... LOLL Also this is a bit of a mental gymnastic but don’t think too hard on it. Also, BST!Jimin is forever the look™ and I’m still not over it.

“Oh my God Jess that’s so bad!” You laugh as your friend finishes her story. The rest of your group laughs along with you, sharing their own off handed comments on the whole situation she was put in. Eventually, you had to quiet down and reel them back as you had caught stares and looks from the other patrons in the cafe you were all in.

 It’s a Saturday afternoon and granted the place was busier than usual, you still managed to be the loudest bunch, getting a little too carried away with the volume of your voices. You shoot any lingering miffed gazes an apologetic smile as does some of your friends who noticed, but you can’t help yourself. It’s been so long since you’ve all got together to just hang out, everyone so caught up in their lives that time had become a luxury and any free schedules overlapping becoming as rare as a blue moon.

 So it’s times like these that you cherish, seeing everyone after so long of just the occasional instant messaging that your worries seem to fade. Eventually, your group has decided that perhaps your rambunctious energy needed to be taken elsewhere lest you wanted to disturb the people again. Seeing as how the weather outside is lovely, you all head out to do some city strolling.

 You all chatter amicably with each other, bouncing from one conversation to another. Your group makes it to a park, unanimously settling down under a tree.

 “Did you see BTS’ new song MV?” gasps one of your friends and you return her enthusiasm, eyes alight.

 “Yes! The song was so good! And how they look?!” You pause to inhale, heart palpitating at the memory of the video you watched earlier before meeting up. It was such a good way to start off your day that, as you left your house, you felt nothing could possibly ruin it.

 Or so you thought.

 Amongst the excited conversation, your gaze wanders, taking in your surroundings. It’s no surprise that you see many people walking about and relaxing or having fun in their own way and for a moment, nothing seems out of place until your eyes land on an all too familiar face. You pale, feeling your blood run cold despite the heat of the afternoon sun at the figure lounging just too casually for your taste on the bench with a vantage point straight at you.

 Even from the distance, you see his lips quirk up into a smirk, eyes crinkling in the slightest and you just know that he’s been watching you way before you had even spotted him. You hate this feeling, this sensation of breaking out into a cold sweat when such a face, under any other circumstance, would have brought you a whole slew of other emotions except absolute dread. And you hate him all the more for it.

 “Y/N? Hey, you don’t look so good. You okay?” You hear your friend call but to you, it sounded so far away from the blood rushing through your ears.

 “Y-Yeah, I’m fine. I just— I-I think I’m gonna go use the washroom real quick.” You manage to stutter, shooting a shaky smile their way before shooting up to your feet and walking off, not giving them a chance to squeeze in another word.

 You walk the distance heading towards to the washroom but after making sure you’re far enough from your friends’ line of sight, you divert. You circle around to make your way back to the bench you saw him in, only to see that it’s devoid of the occupant you’re looking for. Your mouth gapes in confusion as you scan your immediate area but failing to find the dark cladded figure.

 “Looking for me?” His husky tone breathes so close to your ear that it has you jumping. You whip around to find unmistakable dark eyes gleaming back at you with amusement and mischief.

 “God!” You gasp, nerves still rattled by his sudden appearance. He grimaces a little at the name you called out but you could hardly care, the initial dread transforming into annoyance. “What do you think you’re doing here?!”

 “I don’t think you know how this works, darling.” He replies back coolly, hands stuffed into the pockets of his well-pressed trousers as he leans his weight on one hip.

 “I don’t think you know how this works.” You hiss back, brazenly pointing an accusatory finger at the taller male, your eyes darting about quickly to make sure as few people witness this exchange as possible. He goes to open his mouth but you grab a hold of his wrist to pull him behind a large oak tree. He peers at you in disdain, finding your actions over the top and no doubt unnecessary but he lets it slide; he never understood humans and you’re the weirdest one he’s encountered.

 “You can’t just go around so casually looking like…. that! “ You continue, wildly gesturing to his person.

 “I’m sorry if my taste in clothes are far superior for your small human mind to comprehend.”

 “Not what I mean.” You say through gritted teeth, refraining from outright knocking him over the head (he’d probably end up burning you to a crisp, contract be damned). “I meant looking like a Korean idol that the whole world knows! You’ll be spotted!”  

 “And here I thought you’d be rather pleased that I look like this.” He replies in mock exasperation, running a hand through lush silvery locks as if to further emphasize his point. You find yourself holding your breath, cursing at the butterflies unintentionally fluttering in your stomach. You forcefully remind yourself that no, this is not the person who you think it is despite looking exactly like him. 

 In fact, he wasn’t even a person to begin with.

 “If this isn’t what you wanted, would you rather I go for something…. more natural?” The ruby lustre taking over his eyes as well as his sudden drop in tone startles you into action. You nearly tackle him to prevent any sorts of supernatural events from happening in such an open, public space.

 “No! No, no stop! Not what I meant either!” Your hands grip at his arms, heart thrumming a little in panic at his small threat. He smirks triumphantly at you, causing you to narrow your eyes in a glare before releasing your hold on him in a huff. You never realized dealing with a demon could be such a headache. Rubbing at your temples, you exhale through your nose.

 “Just— Can you not follow me around? Or like, not be so out in the open about it? Again, you literally look like a Korean idol…. that actually exists.”

 “So?”

 So?! You think incredulously. You reel yourself in before you explode again. “So…” You reiterate with much effort, “You’re technically famous— a celebrity. Which means people will lose their minds if they see you and on top of that, if photos of you gets out on the internet, your cover is going to be blown because how can anyone explain why Park fricken Jimin of BTS is here, in North America, when he’s also half way across the world in South Korea?!”

 You’re practically whisper screeching from working yourself up, all the while the carbon copy of one Park Jimin (only that he’s not) watches you with mild interest, looking as impeccable as a marble statue. You stop your tirade to pin him with another seething glare and all he does is quirk his lips. To your astonishment, he throws his head back to let out a bark of laughter. If it was actually Park Jimin, you would’ve swooned and keened at the sight but it makes you glance around nervously to see if it has drawn any attention, thankfully no one seems to notice and was stilling milling about, minding their own business.

 He comes down from his spiel, having the gall to wipe at his eyes too.

 “Oh my sweet cherub,” He breathes and you frown at the pet name, “You actually thought I would waltz around to parade this beautiful face for all to see?”

 You give him a pointed look, one that clearly says, ‘Yes you would, knowing you’. He kisses his teeth; hands on either side of his hips and you’re ready for an incoming sassing.

 “What I’m saying is that you’re more stupid than you look and it offends me that you would think I would be stupid enough to do that. Of course I’m aware.” He huffs indignantly. “Which is why, for your information, demons have cloaking spells; which means you might be able to see me but anyone else won’t.” He then peers down at you like he was explaining something to a child. “Happy?”

 “Could’ve told me sooner.” You snap back in defense, like how were you supposed to know any of that beforehand? Not like he gave you a Demon 101 booklet when you first met.

 “Yeah, but I thought it would be funnier to make you look crazy for talking to thin air.” He sniggers back. At that, you whip your gaze around again, immediately landing on a couple and a family watching you warily from a distant. You feel your face heat up in embarrassment, thoughts running a mile a minute, wondering just how long he actually had this cloaking spell on and was just messing with you.

 Your gaze flits back around, ready to give him a piece of your own hell, only to find empty space. You swear you could physically feel your blood pressure rising and perhaps, to your twisted delight, you would die before having to experience the full extent of what it means to have a demon as your metaphorical guardian angel.

 —

 The day goes on with not seeing so much as a hair from the demon with an angel’s face. You breathed a sigh of relief knowing that. You’d spent the rest of the day hanging out with your friends, eventually grabbing dinner together and by the time you’d all said your goodbyes, the sun has long gone down.

 You swiftly make your way down the streets to the nearest subway station, figuring it be much cheaper and faster considering Ubers were much harder to grab on the weekends and in a busy downtown area. Also, the ride wouldn’t be that long anyways.

 Besides, you’re only worry at hand is actually getting to a station; they were practically at least two blocks apart and the chill the night air brings does nothing to settle your growing nerves. Downtown was lovely during the day but at night it’s like all of the shadier things make themselves known. You’re on edge, eyes darting around every so often to be aware of your surroundings as you pick up your pace. 

 Vaguely you hear a man’s gruff voice call out to you but you determinedly ignore it, catching sight of the station’s sign just ahead of you. You make your way down the stairs, heart starting to beat a little erratically as you press your metro pass to the gate and slide through. Once you’ve descended the second flight of stairs leading to the tracks, your nerves starts to settle down.

 The train hadn’t arrived yet, a quick glance up at the monitor informed you that it would be in five minutes, leaving you with no choice but to wait. You heave a breath to yourself, taking out your phone to plug your headphones in. Taking a quick glance around, you find that you’re probably one of three people in the tunnel; a man sitting hunched over on one of the benches looking a little worse for wear and an older lady way down the other end from where you were.

 You think nothing much after, and before you know it the train is pulling up on the tracks. You shuffle in, easily finding a seat given the lack of passengers in your car. Another sigh; you’re halfway to getting home and so far, there’s no hiccups. You relax at the notion, settling into your seat as the train takes off and you wait again until your stop arrives.

 It was about two stops away that things start going south. It starts when the compartment door to your cart slides open, startling you to look up and see the man at the station before you boarded. You duck your head down, not wanting to draw any attention and hoping that he’s just passing through. Luck wasn’t on your side however, as he stumbles and then takes a seat right across from you, the scent wafting from him nearly makes you choke.

 You’re determined to fixate your gaze on your phone, pretending to be scrolling through the same apps you have open, but even then you could feel his heavy gaze on you.

 Please, please hurry up! 

 You steal a quick glance anxiously at the map above you, a small LED light indicating which stop you’ve just left and how far away yours is. It’s then that you hear a gruff voice call out through your headphones. Still, you pretend you didn’t hear and it worked until his voice grew to a volume that it startles you. Nervously, your eyes flit to meet the man and warily take out an earbud.

 “Fuckin’ kids goin’ deaf.” You hear him say under his breath before he roughly grunts, “Got any change on you?”

 You shake your head, quietly replying, “No, I don’t. Sorry.” And you silently prayed that would be the end of that but before you can put your earbud back in, the man speaks again.

 “Where’re you goin’ so late huh?”

 “Just— home. Excuse me.” You keep your answer clipped, shooting up from your seat with the decision to get off this cart at the upcoming station and try to get back on in one where there were other people on. The station the train pulls up is one short from your actual stop but you don’t think you can handle being in the same cart alone with this man, even if it’s just for one more station. You get off, trying to keep yourself from trembling to be as subtle as possible. You’re best bet was that you a) get on a cart that has people or b) he won’t follow you at all and you can possibly catch the next train.

 Unfortunately, neither one happens because out of your peripheral you see his looming figure exit the cart, walking down your way. You pick up your pace, heading more to towards the front of the train but the chimes signaling the doors are about to close catches your attention and you gasp. You bolt into the closest cart and hope that you were much quicker than the man.

 Heart racing, you glance around, finding an empty cart. You’re not sure whether that’s a good sign or not but you’ll take it.

 Just one more stop.

 You chant it like a mantra, too antsy to take a seat now as your mind had taken precautions that if you see any signs of the man again, you would head through the compartment leading to other carts.

 Your station name rings over the PA and you almost jump in joy. As soon as the doors slides open, you’re out of there. You make quick work of the steps, leading up from the tracks and then exiting the station. The orange tinge of the streetlights offer little comfort to you as the prospect of having to clear one more block before getting to your house looms at the forefront of your thoughts.

 You steel yourself and walk at a faster pace than usual, head down and clutching your bag in a vice grip. You round the corner of the convenient store, a checkpoint. You’re nearly there.

 “Hey, girlie.”

 You spoke too soon, so hyper focused on just getting home that you miss out on a group of guys hanging around off the side of the store (doing God knows what). Your strides, though fast, were not long enough to outpace the figure coming up beside you.

 “Where you going so late?”

 You shrink away from him, trembling as you try to maintain as much distance as you can without having to put yourself out on the road. You think, quite frustratingly, why do they not have anything better to do as you stubbornly ignore his advances, and very close to straight up running. 

 “Shouldn’t be out here on your own like this.” You catch the sentence too close for comfort and that was the final straw to push you into a run. You don’t get far however, as a large hand roughly grasps you by the elbow, jerking you off balance.

 “Hey! I’m talking to you. It’s rude to ignore someone who’s—“

 “Don’t touch me!” You shout, voice bordering hysteria. You rip yourself from the man’s hold with as much force as you can and it causes you to stumble a little. For the first time, you catch sight of three figures, the one speaking being closer to you compared to what you assume are his friends, trailing not too far behind but you don’t care to put a face to your harasser.

 “What the fuck! Why you gotta be such a bitch for?!” The hand makes a grab for you and snags your bag. The force this time gives you a whiplash, shoulder pulled painfully and you whimper, feeling tremors go through your body uncontrollably now with tears threatening to overtake your sight.

 Your mind flies into a panicked state, seconds away from abandoning your  bag altogether and just making a run for it when the street lamps overhead flickers. All at once, they go out along with any light source within the area because suddenly everything is so dark.

 It all happened so fast.

 The weight is lifted off of you, a chill settling over and then you hear an ear-piercing shriek. You can’t tell if it’s your own or something else as a cacophony of noises fill your ears.

 Indecipherable shouting.

 Scraping.

 Crunching.

 Gurgling.

 Disembody voices.

 And then silence.

 It felt like you had been trapped in a whirlwind, shaking violently from the aftermath of it and so disoriented you hadn’t realized you’ve curled in on yourself with eyes shut tight until a soft voice coaxes at you.

 “Y/N….” 

 It’s familiar, you’ve heard the lilt many times before and it so easily calms your hyperventilating. Despite the comfort it brings however, the strangeness of hearing such a voice so close to you creeps back in. A warm hand brushes against your own held to your ears and though the touch is gentle, you still flinch. The hand retracts momentarily before the voice speaks to you again.

 “Y/N…deep breaths and look at me, Y/N.” It’s a soft command and you do as you’re told, breathing in deeply and exhaling a couple of times before finally peeling your eyes open.

 Your vision is slightly blurred from unshed tears, but you make out his handsome, young face and silvery locks in the orange dim of streetlights. His deep ruby eyes bore into yours steadily, expression stoic if only for his gaze to betray the concern reflecting in them. He blinks and they’re back to being a deep brown.

 “That’s my girl.” He praises with a small smirk, voice no louder than a murmur as his hand engulfs yours in a warm hold. An overwhelming urge to be close to him takes over, as if your body and mind is crying with relief at the sight of a safe haven and before you can think straight, you rush forward, collapsing into him with hands feebly finding purchase on his black button down shirt. 

 “Jimin….” You croak out, care and logic thrown out the window because you so desperately need something to anchor you down right now and his was a face that your mind knew could do you no harm, like it was second nature. He doesn’t seem to mind; gathering you in his arms all the same and gently cradles you.

 “Easy now…shhh easy.” You hear him coo as you bury your face into his neck until your senses flood with his scent; a surprising combination of lavender, vanilla and spices. His hands rub soothing circles around your back until the shaky breaths you exhale return to normal. 

 He helps you to stand slowly, minding the small tremors that erupt every so often from you and the way he’s treating you like he’s handling delicate glass is so unlike how he normally is that it makes you want to double-take.

 “Are you hurt?” He pulls away from you slightly if only for that moment to ask, though he takes the liberty to look you over himself anyways without waiting for your reply. You shake your head no, voice still feeling as if it’s stuck in your throat. As he’s wiping away a stray tear, you bring your gaze to take a good look at him, eyes drawing up to take in his full height. His silvery coiffed hair is still immaculate as ever and his face is picture perfect, flawless except….

 You reach up in spite of your shaky hands to decipher what it is that marred his otherwise porcelain complexion when he stops you. He gently guides your hand away before reaching up with his own to swipe at his cheek. Your Jimin doppelganger tsked at the sight, indifferently wiping his soiled fingers onto his shirt.

 “Nothing for you to worry about, darling.” He says, smiling at you so angelically. You blink, perplexed until slowly, your mind starts to catch up with the events that transpired.

 “W-Where—?” You make to turn your head around, looking for your assailant but again, he stops you by taking a hold of your chin and directing it back to him.

 “Ah, ah, eyes on me sweetheart. Like I said, there’s nothing to worry about anymore. You’re safe.” 

 “But—“

 “Shh... Sleep.” His hand gently cups your cheek and with his whispered words, your mind is overcome with a sudden haze and your eyelids droop shut.

 He catches you mid-fall, scooping you up in his arms as if you weighed nothing more than a feather. He kisses his teeth again, annoyance rolling off of him in waves as his eyes narrow down on his also soiled shoes.

 Whatever.

 At least you didn’t notice that.

 Nor the streaks of blood leading to the dumpster.

[disposedserenity]

*rough* review of MOTS:7

The title might say review, but it’s really just my own thoughts that I want to share in the form of verbal vomit. STREAM while u read.

1) Interlude: SHADOW I loved the song right away on first listen. The extended version is soooo good, because it traces back to yoongi’s iconic ‘I want big house, big cars, big rings’ line from NMD. Thematically, this is my favourite concept out of the 3 rap line solos (Persona, Shadow & Ego). Yoongi songs all immediately reasonate with me because the stuff he writes about are what I’ve experienced at one point in my life.... and I feel so deeply when yoongi is rapping about it. At this point, I could go on forever about why I love yoongi songs so much but I will stop here.

2) Black Swan

It took me about three listens to fully appreciate the song, but I KNEW I was going to love it when I heard that trap beat and the bump bump bump lyric... Then I watched the performance, and I just loved it even more. For years, I’ve been fervently wishing that bts (especially jimin) would do a contemporary dance and I AM SO GLAD THEY DID!! Speaking of the dance, that’s another analysis on it’s own.... The way they match the dance steps to the lyrics.... Also this song lined up right after shadow makes perfect sense because Shadow talks about losing yourself into the deepest and darkest recesses of your soul while in Black Swan, the boys step into that shadow and confront it because they realise you have to make peace with your shadow to emerge triumphant.

3) Filter

I swear, this could be an Alec Benjamin song because this song has Alec Benjamin VIBES all over. Well, I guess jimin took inspiration from him because he put a ton of alec’s songs on his spotify playlist and even went to his concert so yey! Both their voice tones are similar ish because it’s very distinct and their singing voices are quite different from their speaking voices so it’d be really cool if they made a song together. Funnily enough, I don’t really like this song as much as I thought I’d would. It’s not a bad song, but I think I don’t gravitate to this song as much because this song was written about jimin for jimin and it’s really himself that he’s singing it to.

This song also radiates BIG libra energy. Libras love changing and moulding their personalities to please other people and they put on various personas to showcase the multi-faceted sides of themselves (sorry, just a huge astrology enthusiast here lolol). Filter has a narcissist undertone to it done in a purposeful manner. The protagonist of this song KNOWS he’s desired and is flaunting it in any way possible. They are aware of the power they hold and are wielding it to control the listener (the pursuers) Ahahaha sounds like someone we know? Recently, I told a friend that Jimin is really good at fan service. He’s the idol of idols, his face and name gets recognised first, everyone wants to be him AND be with him.... To sum it up, filter is jimin showing the world that he has many sides and it doesn’t matter which we are going to choose because he can adapt to whichever one you please (this push and pull reminds me a lot of house of cards hmm...)

4) My Time

Jungkook definitely has some magic where his song always gets to me and I immediately like the song. I think he excels in laying out his emotions bare and this creates a perfect canvas for telling his story. I definitely cannot relate to what he talks about in My TIme because I am not a jetsetting global superstar who vary between time zones (not that I know of), yet I still feel like I’ve been in his exact footsteps and know that feeling. This, my friends, is what true skill looks like. The rarest of musicians are able to write a song about themselves and make it relevant to almost everyone. It’s an impossible task. Yet, this golden maknae has succeeded once again.

In Begin, he talks about leaving Seoul to pursue his dreams and dedicates that song to his 6 members, his 6 newfound brothers, the hardships they go through and again, this hits you hard. You might not have left your hometown at a young age, but everyone has left something or someone behind in their lives. Euphoria ALWAYS makes me melancholic even though I clearly 1) am not young, 2) do not have a first love 3) minus bts, would NOT call anyone the cause of my euphoria but shit, jungkook out here got me feeling things and tearing up.

Thank you jungkook for constantly expressing your thoughts in such a clear way in any song you write, and My Time is no exception (and it sounds like such a r&b banger too)

5) Louder than Bombs

TROYE! SIVAN! You absolutely can hear troye’s fingerprints all over this song because this song sounds like a troye song (in the best way possible, because I looooove troye and his music) This is another classic “happy sounding but sad af lyrics” bangtan moment. Louder than Bombs is a good midway point in the album because they are crossing into the sad, aggressive, heart tearing, no bullshit songs territory.

(I don’t have a lot to say about this because I really love this song and sometimes with songs that I like, I just sit back and enjoy for what it is.)

6) ON

OKAY NOW LET’S GET INTO FORMATION! (yes, this was the first thing that it reminded me of hahaha and her superbowl half time performance had a marching band too) THIS.IS.SUCH.AN.ABSOLUTE.EARWORM. I LOVE IT. The 30 second preview made me so intrigued because it only featured the “hey na na na” part so I wondered what ON would sound like. I was NOT expecting it to sound like that, but what can I say? BTS always blows me away with their title tracks.

Speaking of formation, hooooo boy do I love the formation of this choreography. Mad props to The Lab for pulling this out of their hat because IT IS SO IMPRESSIVE. The set up reminds me of dionysus too, in the way that the choreography is being arranged in the live performances. Big ups to the Blue Devils marching band too, because even though you can’t really see much of them in the mv (or maybe I’m too focused on the boys lol) but you can hear the marching band so much clearer in the audio and I am LIVING for it. Overall, I am utterly thrilled by this masterpiece.

7) UGH!

*gunshots* alright back to 2013 bangtan let’s go. UGH, when will rap line stop making a banger? never I guess, UGH. lord, just let me get dissed by rap line once and then life would be better.

I. fucking. love. the. rap. line. I am definitely not smart enough to try to analyse or decipher the lyrics even with translations because their wordplay is on a whole other level. With cyphers and ddaeng, I really shouldn’t be surprised anymore but I still am. They manage to outdo themselves with every new song they release together. RM, Suga and J-Hope are great on their own but you put them TOGETHER? in one STUDIO? god help us all when this is performed live because someone’s gonna get headbanged out of the venue. I’ll end this with a silent prayer for a rap line concert.....

8) 00:00

This song is so, so, so painful. This song is what Tonight is to me. Ok I’m going to get a whole lot more personal here.

I was in a fucking terrible internship last year during the period Persona was released (I’m actually quite thankful this song wasn’t released then or I’d really have full on goblin ugly cry listening to this). That was the worst job experience I’ve ever had in my life (lao tian ye please don’t deal me any more shitty hands). I spent every day wishing that my misery would end soon and I physically did not want to go to work the next day. Every morning, I was almost crying to have to get up to go to work (and because it was an almost 2 hour journey to the office). By the time I reached home, all I could do was eat (if I had an appetite) and retire to my room and lie on the floor and just stare into my ceiling while mindlessly scrolling through social media looking for some sort of solace. Some days, even bts wasn’t doing it for me. Even though I managed to get out of that hellhole before the end date, the trauma (lol can I call it that?) and emotions stayed with me throughout the rest of the year. Only one friend knew I had depression and constantly asked me about it (thank you friend, even though you won’t read this...) and I even looked up therapists in singapore.

The lyrics ‘An unsettling night, suddenly, I look at the clock. Soon, it’s 12 O’Clock. Will something change. It probably won’t be the case’ hits so hard because this describes my situation to a T. By the time I got home, it was about 8.30 and by the time I snapped out of my mindlessness, it was almost midnight and this cycle just carried on for months. 

Zero O’Clock

And you gonna be happy

Midnight is both a happy and sad hour, because for some it could signal the end of their misery or their happiness. Back then, it was my hell because it meant a new hellish day was approaching. Looking back now, I realise it could have been a tiny form of happiness because it meant that the days are passing and the end to my pain was getting closer.

So thank you Jin, Jungkook, V and Jimin for creating such a beautiful song that I didn’t know would end up being so personal. Putting aside the meaning, it is such a great song that I’d put on repeat. But I’m scared to call this a favourite because of how intimate this is for me so I hope y’all understand. But, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

9) Inner Child

This sounds like it should be a in a drama or anime haha. The “whoa ohhhh” vocals in the backgrounds reminds me a lot of Jet Lag too. Inner Child is a very fitting title because as V described, it is a letter to his past self. As an ARMY, I’ve witnessed how much V has matured over the past few years. I mean even though all of the members have also grown, V’s transformation is the one that stands out the most (at least to me). Tae went from a bright eyed outgoing kid to a still outgoing but deeply contemplative adult in front of millions of adoring fans and strangers alike, and I cannot imagine how that must be like for him. V is a notoriously private person, and we know the least about if you reeeally think about it. I will never (nor do I want to) know what goes through his mind but I appreciate the fact he reveals a tiny glimpse of it in his songs (scenery, winter bear and now inner child).

10) Friends

CAN YOU SPELL SOULMATES? NO YOU CAN’T, BECAUSE THERE IS NO VMIN IN IT. Ships are cute and all, but vmin has trascended beyond what ships are and I’m convinced they are all part of a bigger plan arranged by the Almighty that no matter what happens, they will always find each other in their four lives (can you tell I’ve been watching Goblin lolol). Recently, I was listening to a podcast by Jae and the episode was about the probability of soulmates. One of the questions he posed was what is a soulmate? To me, I believe that soulmates exist in many forms. There are the romantic soulmates (hi glenn & benn), friendship soulmates, family soulmates, strangers soulmates and even a bond between a pet and a human. I now think there should be another category of soulmates and that is vmin. *cries I want what vmin have* Not everyone manages to find their soulmates. The lucky ones do, and the rest of us will have to settle for second best.

Also kudos to Jimin for his first ever produced song! woohoo

11) Moon

When I first read that this was a song about Jin’s love for ARMY, I braced myself for a full waterfall of tears. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how happy this song sounds??? (thanks jin for not making me cry again like tonight did). Now that I think about it, of course Jin would make a happy love song (pffft saggis). As we all know, Jin’s way of comforting himself is to comfort others through laughter, smiles and lotsa dad jokes. No one else but Jin would and I love him even more for this. He takes the idea of what you’d think a love song would sound like and turn it around. SAD? NOT IN JINHIT ENTERTAINMENT.

Jin, know that you are more than a handsome face and the oldest member. You are loved more than you think you are. You think you’re the moon to us? No hun, you are the entire galaxy contained in those worldwide shoulders.

12) Respect

My favourite track. I mean starting with that iconic “should I stay or should I go” line? Genuis. Collab of the year. Namgi of the year. Ok, maybe I am slightly (alot) bias since this song is essentially Suga, RM & El Capitixn (yes, THE El Capitixn that helped to produce DDAENG).

Namgi dynamics are so rarely talked about because most people see them as the underground rapper duo who’ve known each other over 10 years and are old friends and that’s about it. Their dynamics just gets to me even more because the trust and respect they have for each other is incredible. Joon looks up to yoongi as an older member and also for his incredible work ethic, while yoongi trusts joon wholeheartedly as their leader even though joon is younger and the way they banter off each other? ugh, where can I get bros like namgi? Their rap and producing styles are so vastly different yet the result that is respect makes ME respect them. Use me as your slave, masters.

bonus: that ending clip of them just having a convo? please share your stories from back in the day, please. I said please. with a cherry on top.

13) We are Bulletroof: the Eternal

Is this MOTS : 7′s answer to Mikrokosmos? I can already imagine this as the ending song of a concert..... A perfect tune to end the album as well. Who knew my attraction to the number seven had a deeper meaning than just simply liking it huh? Is my life preplanned too.... @ universe  give me answers. I really like how this song did not go the WABB Part 1 & 2 route and took a softer approacher indeed. It’s almost like they are saying we were seven hardened boys made more tender with the existence of armys.... ok bitch don’t make me cry anymore than I have been suppressing.

“we are not seven, with you” :’))))

14) Outro: Ego

This is the kind of song that gets better the more you listen to it. Not that it was bad on the first listen, but usually such bright and positive songs takes a while longer for the emo in me to process. I say this all the time that I almost sound like a broken recorder, but I LOVE LOVE how hobi has crafted a sound for him that is uniquely his and you will be able to immediately recognise it’s him (which is such a hard feat to pull off, might I add). I’m also immensely proud because he started out as a street dancer to becoming one of the best rappers in the industry while holding his rightful candle alongside two already established rappers that is namgi. I cannot wait to see this being performed live because you just know he’ll get everyone and their grandmas to start vibin right there.

In conclusion, I love bts. what else is there more to say.

[noisyquokka]

4, 5, 6, 8, 10, 16, 19 and 20 for skz, bts and Monsta X💕

:0 woot okay girl I see you!!!

Stray Kids                             Biases: Woojin, Hyunjin

Who threatens their title? Who is your bias wrecker?

Low-key all of them 😂 Uh but Minho and Chan because they’re both serious hoes!!! Felix is a close second

First impression of them.

Woojin :’) I knew from the start that he was a whole teddy bear! But I was also oddly intimidated by him??? Like I’m not sure why cause seriously look at him! ;-; Maybe it was those broad shoulders 🤷🏻‍♀️

Hyunjin gave me shy-boy vibes at first? And I guess I was half right? Like, I literally just wanted to scoop him up and give him all the cuddles and love in the universe! And then I heard him laugh… lucifer came for me that day!

The sweetest thing they have done.

Does… does existing count in any way, shape, or form?

Something they did that made you laugh.

Omg so normally when I hear an idol speak English and they’re not fluent, I just smile because I know they’re trying and I think that’s super cute? But with Woojin, I can’t help but giggle! His English is literally one of my favorite things and I giggle every time I hear it 🤗💞

Every time I think of funny moments, I think of the time Hyunjin wanted “a safe show” and they ended up giving him a blanket 😂😂 my brain failed me on which show this happened on so please lemme know since I’m sure someone remembers!

Favorite performance.

Hyunjin’s Cover of ‘Attention’ 😳💀

Woojin’s ‘I am YOU’ FanCam MCOUNTDOWN my boy’s such a fluid dancer and his singing!!! 😭 if Woojin’s voice is the literal stars, please take me there!

If you had the opportunity to tell them something what would it be?

I’d tell both of them how thankful I am for everything, how much they’ve changed my life for the better and how much I appreciate and commend them and the rest of the boys for getting up every day and working as hard as they do to entertain us and live their dream. And that any doubts they have may be normal, but they’re such a beacon of light in a dark world and we really need that right now.

A concept you would like to see them do (again)

Bro, I wanna see a cuter concept than Get Cool, ngl 😏 I mean, we’ve seen a mainly go hard/serious Stray Kids from the beginning. I’m so ready for a super playful song that still screams Stray Kids!

Do you have a mutual who shares the same bias?

Uh I know @visualgiggles biases Hyunjin 🤔 I don’t really know which mutuals bias whom unless they’re posted in their bio’s or I’ve seen them talk about their bias. So I’m at a loss honestly lmao

BTS                                       Biases: V, Jungkook

Who threatens their title? Who is your bias wrecker?

Yoongi and Jimin! I’ve always had a soft spot for Yoongi, so naturally, he wormed his way as a main wrecker 😅 and Jimin, sweet sweet Jimin!! Who said it was ok to be cute and fluffy one second, and a sinful and smirky little shit the next?!

First impression of them.

Taehyung gave me flower boy vibes at first 😂 but I also thought he came across as super mysterious and suave because literally, the first 2 MVs I saw were DNA and BS&T. And then I thought his nose was super cute, but y'all this doesn’t have shit to do with first impressions. I just wanted to add that in 👀

Anyone else get instant fuqboi vibes from Kookie or is that just me? I mean, maknae’s can be sinful little shits! And then he’s Busan born and them genes kicked in quicker than I could run! But I quickly found him to be a cutie pie who can be savage towards his hyungs and that’s just pretty wholesome!

The sweetest thing they have done.

Tae + kids = the most adorable content ever!!! I absolutely love seeing him interact with children! And his love for ARMY comes in at a close second :’)

Y’all gonna be like tf?? But I think Jungkook teasing his hyungs is super sweet! Because you know that’s one of the many ways he shows his affection and adoration towards them. So while it’s funny and hilarious, it’s also super fucking sweet! To me at least

Something they did that made you laugh.

When BTS were on Ellen for the second time and ended up getting spooked, and the expression on Tae’s face afterward had me cackling!

When Jungkook mimicked Jimin’s dancing in Blood, Sweat, and Tears! I literally crack up every time I watch that! 😂

Favorite performance.

I had this one before just because I love Go Go and this was such a look 🙌🏻 but I was looking at Taehyung fancams a few days ago and came across this one from the Love Yourself Hong Kong concert and 😭 he’s so happy why’s he such a baby for I love him!!!

Euphoria is literally one of my favorite songs, so I couldn’t help but look up fancams after a few months of it being released. This is my favorite performance so far

If you had the opportunity to tell them something what would it be?

I would thank them for introducing me to K-pop. I mean yeah, I was the one that came across the genre, but they were my first taste of K-pop and for that? I’m super thankful because as cheesy as it sounds, it has changed my life! And I enjoy the feel and concepts of K-pop music more than western music.

A concept you would like to see them do (again)

Something like ‘Just One Day’ or ‘Go Go’ would be cool to see again! Although I feel like we got a bit of Go Go with Anpanman? I just enjoy soft and playful/colorful concepts!

Do you have a mutual who shares the same bias?

I’m not sure honestly! I haven’t had many of my moots or followers talk with me, hence I’m clueless as to whom biases whom 😂

Monsta X                              Bias: Wonho

Who threatens their title? Who is your bias wrecker?

I.M and Shownu ;-; who gave them the rights to make me feel emotions I’m about to throw hands!

First impression of them.

I’ll be honest. At first, I thought Wonho was sooo intimidating! Kinda like Woojin in a way? And I don’t really know why I thought that way because he’s such a dork and a sweetheart and thinking about what it was that made him intimidating just gives me a headache 🙃

The sweetest thing they have done.

Blessing us by playing with children! Like, oh my gosh 😭 can you imagine him as a father!!! I literally melted 😩

Something they did that made you laugh.

It’s honestly super hard to choose considering every time I hear Wonho laugh, it makes me laugh! The man’s a giggly baby boy and I live for his giggles uwu

Favorite performance.

‘Play It Cool’ MCOUNTDOWN Can you believe the duality of this man! And his moves are so fluid I literally love this performance!!!

If you had the opportunity to tell them something what would it be?

That he’s handsome so I could hear him laugh and see his beautiful heart-stopping smile :’) it’s really just the simple things I want in life…

A concept you would like to see them do (again)

Hard to choose, I love all of the concepts so far. I think Shine Forever or Jealousy was my favorite tho 👀 dark haired Wonho kills me ok bye

Do you have a mutual who shares the same bias?

I’m not sure actually! If any of my mutuals or followers bias Wonho, hit me up. I don’t have enough people to gush about him with ;-;

Ask me about my biases! (I’ll still take some questions if anyone wants to send them in 🤗💖)

[ljfeed-spn-j2-bigbang]

2018 Masterlist

Here (finally!) is the 2018 masterlist. If you see any errors, please let me know. Extreme thanks to

firesign10

for coding this!

JARED/JENSEN

Fic title:

Steal Me With A Sinful Swoon

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

lullysg

Artist name:

kaelysta

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

46K

Warning:

just for burglary

Summary:

It looks like the beginning of a bad joke. Two guys break into a house to burgle it at the same time, but that’s about the only thing they have in common. Jared is a spoiled, rich, brat who is too bored with his perfect life and decides to have some extra fun. Jensen is trying to get his hands on something that will help him to buy a meal for himself and his younger sister. What happens when these two completely different realities collide? It’s a whole new world.

Fic title:

A Star In Somebody Else's Sky

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

soy_em

Artist name:

mangacat201

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17 Fic, PG Art

Word count:

40K

Warning:

attempted/implied sexual harassment/assault (not graphic), homophobia (not from a major character)

Summary:

When Jared gets the news that he’ll be auditioning for the role of Sam Winchester, it should be the happiest day of his life. Auditioning for the lead role of his own tv show, competing against just one other actor - it’s his dream come true at last.

Until he finds out the other actor is Jensen Ackles.

Winning the role, acting alongside Jensen, brings back a flood of memories and long-repressed emotions. Jared and Jensen will have to find a way to resolve their shared past if they are to make a success of their new show.

Fic title:

Into the Light

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

twoboys2love

Artist name:

darklittleheart

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

34K

Warning:

Bottom!Jared, Top!Jensen, Hurt!Jared, attempted assault

Summary:

Danneel works at “The Dead Reckoning", a nightclub owned by small-time mob boss, Jared Padalecki. She also brings people in to stay at the club's rooms who need help getting off the streets. Jensen is down on his luck and ends up staying at the club. From the moment he sees Jared, Jensen wants him. But Jared is used to being in control, being alone and being guarded. It doesn't take long for Jensen to realize he may be in over his head.

Fic title:

Our Love Was Made for Movie Screens

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

sometimesalways

(cherryvanilla on AO3)

Artist name:

beelikej

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

33,000

Warning:

Summary:

It’s 2012, and brick-and-mortar chain bookstores aren’t the powerhouses they used to be in the 90s -- thanks to Amazon -- but Morgan Books is now in its 70th year and has still managed to prevail. When the superstore announces their intention to locally expand by buying out and demolishing a few cherished shops on a quaint Seattle block, independent bookshop owner Jensen Ackles is having nothing of it or the company’s obnoxious CEO, Jeffrey Dean Morgan. In the midst of this, Jensen has found himself interested in dating someone, for the first time in a long time. Of course, he hasn’t exactly met Bookman66 yet, but Jensen’s pretty sure the guy he’s been talking to online recently is just about as perfect as they come.

Jeffrey, meanwhile, has developed feelings for Shopguy78 -- a member of the online book club he joined on a whim -- despite his own cutthroat exterior and less-than-stellar relationship track record. Now, if only he can stop thinking about the fiery shop owner he's attempting to put out of business...

Loosely based on

You’ve Got Mail

, which was loosely inspired by the wonderful

Shop Around the Corner

.

Fic title:

Holding On With A Heart That's Still Beating

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

whisperedstory

Artist name:

dancing_adrift

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

43K

Warning:

some violence, past and present minor character death (depicted, but not in graphic detail), some off-screen torture

Summary:

The first children with the mutant gene, which gave people superhuman abilities, were born in the late 70s. Feared, abused and soon shunned by the general public, they gathered together in small groups and built camps on the outskirts of society.

Decades later, Jensen leads a small camp of mutants hidden in the mountains of Oregon. It's a peaceful, uneventful life—until Jensen finds a hurt young mutant in the woods outside of the camp. But unlike the rest of them, Jared wasn't born with the mutant gene. Kidnapped off the streets, he was experimented on, changed into a mutant by force and then left to die in the forest when his powers appeared to be dormant. Jensen takes Jared back to the camp, offers him a place to stay, to heal, and a home with them in the mountains. Jared quickly becomes a part of their little makeshift family and an even bigger part of Jensen's life.

But then they find another changed mutant and unwittingly lead the people responsible for what happened to Jared right to their camp. And it turns out Jared might be the one who can save them in the end.

Fic title:

Lamb

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

trishabooms

Artist name:

tx_devilorangel

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

64, 814

Warning:

Violence, brief bestiality

Summary:

The results of a recent blood test see accountant Jared Padalecki summoned to the CDC for tests, only to find that things are far from what they seem. Jared is a candidate, sought by a race of aliens. If that wasn’t bad enough, there are other countries who will go to any lengths to ensure that their candidate is the one, even if that means murder. Rescued, by who he believes to be Secret Service agents, Jared is whisked away to a house in Montana, owned by enigmatic billionaire Jensen Ackles and his unusual ‘family’. Who is Jensen Ackles anyway, and why is he so interested in Jared?

Fic title:

Rhythm Of My Heart

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

herminekurotowa

Artist name:

dollarformyname

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

20,000

Warning:

angst, angst, angst

Summary:

This is not The Bodyguard. Jensen's a rockstar and Jared's in love with him. Misha's a bodyguard and there's a stalker threatening Jared, but this is not a movie.

Fic title:

Tempting Jensen

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

hpjk_addict

Artist name:

winchestergirl

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

53K

Warning:

none

Summary:

England, 1815

Jensen is an extremely pious young man. He is determined to live a life of purity, devotion, obedience and self-denial, devoid of all passions, pleasures and diversions. His one and only ambition is to become a clergyman. His mission in life is to atone for his mother’s sins that broke apart his family and caused his father’s death when he was a child.

However, his plans are irrevocably ruined when his guardians’ son, Jared, returns. Jared disrupts his daily life, disturbs his peace of mind, makes him feel things that he has never felt before and challenges all of his notions about himself. He overwhelms him with his liberal touches, embraces and caresses, makes him blush at his unabashed nakedness, makes him laugh, teaches him to enjoy life outside his studies and gradually seduces him into his bed.

Following his desires for the very first time in his life, Jensen agrees to accompany Jared to London in order to explore their forbidden relationship that, should it become public knowledge, will destroy them both – unless, of course, Jared’s past affairs, youthful indiscretions and a terrible secret that he intends to keep from Jensen will tear them apart first.

Fic title:

Sleeping with the Enemy

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

tammyrenh

Artist name:

fridayblues

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

not listed

Warning:

none

Summary:

Jared has a secret that his long hair is hiding, the half moon birthmark on his neck is proof he is the ailing King's illegitimate son. When the King dies, Jared and his best friend Chad, have to make it to the castle undetected, because the King's brother is executing anyone that stands in his way of becoming King. They end up joining the King's army, Chad as a soldier and since Jared can't cut his hair and really like sex, as a companion. Much to his surprise/chagrin, Commander Ackles takes him on as his personal companion. Now Jared has to figure out how to make it safely to the castle without his secret being revealed and without losing his head or his heart to the Commander.

Fic title:

Freewinds

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

weefoal

Artist name:

winchestergirl

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

55K

Warning:

Top!Jared, Bottom!Jensen, Abuse by Religious Cult Leaders (Psychological Manipulation, Physical Assault, Gaslighting, Imprisonment, Implied Forced Abortion, etc), Suicide Attempt, Homophobia

Summary:

It's 1993 in Los Angeles, California and Jared Padalecki is going to save the world. After spending his teen years in the Church of Scientology, he gets recruited for the elite Sea Organization, the paramilitary clergy tasked with "clearing the planet" of Ritalin and homosexuality.

Jared's unwavering commitment to the Church, however, is thrown into question aboard the training ship

MV Freewinds

, when he starts to fall for one of the Sea Org's Action Chiefs: the mature and enigmatic Commander Jensen Ackles.

Amidst a crackdown on "Suppressive Persons," will the Commander and the Cadet be able to keep their illicit relationship a secret? Or will the Church stop at nothing to silence them?

Fic title:

Beyond Survival

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

gluedwithgold

Artist name:

bluefire986

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

24K

Warning:

slavery, physical and sexual abuse (not by main pairing characters)

Summary:

When vampires take over the country, Jared is forced into slavery. After nearly two years, he can't take the abuse and humiliation any more - Jared runs. Can he make it to the border and the safety of Canada? Or will his life change forever when he comes across a handsome stranger in the woods?

Fic title:

In That Most Awful Stillness

Link to art:

Embedded in story, no separate post

Author name:

pinkisgoth

Artist name:

abnidk

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

55K

Warning:

Attempted suicide. Knife attack, though not graphic. Rape accusation. Discussion and description of self-harm (related to illness). Serious chronic, pain-based illness.

Summary:

Four years ago, almost to the day, Jared and Jensen both experienced major life-changing events.

Jensen, a professor, is abruptly fired. In the immediate aftermath of the firing he discovers he has a serious chronic illness that is slowly seeping his life away. He buys a huge house in the country and takes up photography.

Jared, a bestselling horror novelist, is brutally attacked by a demented fan at a convention. Though he recovers physically, he is left with crippling PTSD and anxiety that has led him to become a total recluse, speaking only to the man who runs errands for him, his literary agent and his therapist. During his recovery, he was encouraged to take up sketching, and on the recommendation of his therapist, he has started posting his pictures on The Artist's Cave, a Deviant Art-style site. One day he comments on a photo posted by Jensen and the two begin communicating - at first through the comments and messaging on the website, then through email.

Their lives take another unexpected turn when Jensen’s roommate, Jeff, sends Jared an email: Jensen has collapsed and is in the hospital, would Jared be willing to call? This phone call will set the stage for a series of events that will lead them to the point where they are willing to risk the safety of their isolation to help each other heal.

Fic title:

Jared and the Undead Bartender

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

tsuki_no_bara

Artist name:

cassiopeia7

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Word count:

30K

Rating

NC-17

Warning:

Superhot chile peppers. Crossword puzzles. Bits of history and traces of Chad.

Summary:

Jared has only been in Boston a few months when he walks into a bar called Abigail's and meets Jensen, the bartender. Jensen likes crossword puzzles, old movies, and superhot chile peppers, and they become friends. Jared thinks a road trip to New Mexico to find the world's hottest peppers would be a great idea, but Jensen has a secret – he was born in colonial Boston, he's over 260 years old, and he's a vampire.

They go to New Mexico anyway, encountering fellow travelers and ghostly horses and the highway at night, and learning more about each other. It turns out that crossing the country in a camper with your best friend is a great way to fall in love, even if one of you is undead. Who knew?

Fic title:

The More You See (The Less You Know)

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

zubeneschamali

Artist name:

dollarformyname

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

32,236

Warning:

body modification (small implants, artificial arm), brief mind control

Summary:

Sequel to "They're Advertising in the Skies (For People Like Us)." Jared is on the run from the powerful company that claims he's stolen their technology, although they were the ones who stole his life first. Jensen's on the run with him, determined to get to the North where he can do more to fight the corporate system than just poke at it the way he has been for years. First, though, they'll have to make it to the border through hazardous territory by trusting a network of strangers—and learning to trust each other.

Fic title:

Compulsion

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

candygramme

and

spoonlessone

Artist name:

dun

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

29K

Warning:

Show level violence

Summary:

Special Agent Jensen Ackles is up to his neck in trouble, and he isn't sure if the rookie agent the Powers That Be have saddled him with is going to help him or just make things worse. It's not that the kid isn't eager to please, it's just that he's totally clueless about what he's up against. It doesn't help that Ackles isn't quite sure either! Fortunately, or maybe not, he has a couple of other allies, including a brainwashed pathologist, a weed smoking techie, and a truly innovative medic from Walter Reed. That ought to be enough to save the world as long as the ghosts keep away.

Fic title:

Mr. Darcy 1.1

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

romachebella

Artist name:

thruterryseyes

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

G

Word count:

56K

Warning:

none

Summary:

Jensen is 24, has a shiny college degree in graphic design and advertising, but good jobs are hard to come by when you don't want to move three states over - which explains why he's still living with his parents and juggling a couple of his old students´ jobs to get by. It´s not ideal by far, but at least he's there for his family, can work on his secret project, and has all of his friends close by. But then the calm town life he's so accustomed to gets stirred by the arrival of one Mr. Misha Collins, heir to the one big company (and employer) in town; this man´s decisions will affect the lives of pretty much everyone around, after all. He's also single, attractive as hell, and charmingly enthusiastic. And then, there's the friend he tags along: a man who's as tall and hot as he seems haughty and arrogant. No wonder Jensen calls him GrumpyGiant, right? Especially after he´s been given a harsh brushoff at their very first encounter!

Or: I might´ve read (and watched) "Pride and Prejudice" one too many times...

Fic title:

The Bonnie to Your Clyde

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

blackrose_17

Artist name:

emmatheslayer

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

R

Word count:

24,944

Warning:

bottom Jared, possessive Jensen, attempted sexual assault ( not by either J's), threesome

Summary:

Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki couldn't be more different, one is the enforce to Mob Boss Jeffrey Dean Morgan as well as his lover and the other is a struggling college student who wishes for a better job. A one night stand leaves a mark on both Jensen and Jared.

Mob Boss Jensen Ackles isn't sure what to think when the owner of the cat who has been stealing his underwear is Jared Padalecki the young man he spent one weekend with and had never been able to forget. Jared isn't sure whether to thank his cat or be embarrassed that his cat was stealing underwear of the one man he has longed to see again. Who needs a fairy godmother when you have matchmaking cat, even if they do like to steal underwear to get the job done?

Fic title:

Beware the King's Harem

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

whiskygalore

Artist name:

sillie82

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

33K

Warning:

Younger Jensen, bottom Jensen, minor violence, mentions of castration but absolutely no junk is harmed!

Summary:

When one of King Jared's more eccentric judgments backfires and he suddenly finds himself in possession of eighteen year old farm-boy Jensen Ackles, he decides that Jensen, who is quite the prettiest thing he has ever seen, would be best suited for a position as his attendant. He doesn't however count on Jensen being quite so innocent, or so damned stubborn. Or everyone in his court interfering. Jensen, meanwhile, is quite sure the king is an insufferable ass, until he realizes he’s not.

Fic title:

Kinsukuroi

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

sanshal

Artist name:

bflyw

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

63K

Warning:

a/b/o, alpha!Jensen, omega!Jared, h/c/, past abuse, (Off-screen) death of a child, physical,emotional and psychological abuse, social divide, facial/body disfigurement of major charater (in final chapter), slow build, slow romance. More detailed warnings in tags (on AO3)

Summary:

Kintsukuroi is a Japanese word that refers to the act of repairing broken pottery by filling in the cracks with gold. Instead of trying to hide the damage, kintsukuroi illuminates it.

Because, mending is an art.

Because, there is beauty in the broken places.

Because, every scar has a story.

Jared’s world shattered when his young, healthy mate died unexpectedly during a holiday back with the pack that raised him. Tasked with raising a child as a single omega while trying to escape life in a traditional pack, he wasn’t sure if he could ever be whole again. ... Jensen, orphaned at six, had given up his dreams of ever having a family of his own and joined the Guards when he was barely in his teens. It was Fate that brings these two men together...

Fic title:

Unwanted

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

jdl71

Artist name:

bluefire986

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

42,037

Warning:

A/B/O, Alpha Jared, Older Jared, Top Jared, Omega Jensen, Younger Jensen, Bottom Jensen, Angst, Hurt & Comfort, Mating, Knotting, Claiming Bite, Mpreg, Mating Bond, Childbirth, Were-Creatures

Summary:

Unwanted, that's how Jensen felt because that's what he was. Jensen, an omega is mated to Jared, an alpha. Jared isn’t just any alpha, he’s the alpha, the pack leader. Jensen loves Jared, but he’s come to realize that Jared doesn’t love him, doesn’t want him. Jared wants someone else, a beta named Sandy.

Fic title:

Those Who Show Up

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

dugindeep

Artist name:

matchboximpala

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

50,000

Warning:

Infidelity on an OFC (Jared cheats on his wife). Everyone is aged with respect to running for office (Jensen and Jared are mid to late 40s, everyone else around them is respectively older). Set in an alternative timeline (2020 U.S. Presidential Election) where politicians are better received/respected than they are today.

Summary:

Jared Padalecki is the latest politician to throw his hat into the Presidential Race. As a Texas Senator, he's well respected by the Republican Party for upholding the values of the GOP. But his earnest, can-do attitude only gets him so far when it comes to the American public.

Enter: Jensen Ackles, a renowned strategist who resuscitates fledgling campaigns and wins political races. Over the course of a year, Jensen and Jared struggle to see eye to eye even as they're both hell bent to win in November. If only Jensen could figure out what skeletons are in the Senator's closet so he can get ahead of a scandal before it breaks.

Decisions are made by those who show up - Aaron Sorkin, The West Wing

Fic title:

The Teacher Lounge Diaries

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

heyobrothers

Artist name:

tx_devilorangel

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

54K

Warning:

Unrequited Love, Mutual Pining, Miscommunication, Scene of Violence, Smut

Summary:

Jared is the new first year teacher at Northside High School. He's excited about starting his new job, his new life. Years of schooling finally paid off to do the one thing he loves to do - teach. The first day of school is already nerve-racking enough for students and teachers alike but when Jared literally runs into the incredibly charming and equally as stunning Mythology and Folklore teacher, Jensen Ackles, the nerves only increase tenfold. The friendship that formed afterwards formed quickly and without struggle, like they were meant to be friend but then things get more complicated when Jared starts to develop all the wrong kind of feelings for his co-worker. Jared never thought that he would have to relive all the feelings of a high school crush but when the crush start to turn into something more, something much more real, Jared finds himself just as lost as the kids that he teaches.

It took years of schooling for Jared to get this job and then just one night for Jensen to mess up every single one of Jared's carefully laid plans.

Fic title:

The Battle-Born Highway

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

wetsammy

Artist name:

marietwist

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

26K

Warning:

Violence, Attempted Sexual Assault

Summary:

Ex-soldier Jensen lives a nice life - a safe life - with his sex-bot and only companion Dani, but when she breaks down, he needs to stop hiding in his high rise apartment and start facing up to his past.

Tracker Jared is everything that Jensen hates - messy, impulsive and cocky with a loud muscle car to boot - but he knows his way in and out of Zone Seven, which is exactly where Jensen needs to go if he’s gonna fix this.

Fic title:

Muse

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

locknkey

Artist name:

dephigravity

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

40,500

Warning:

Explicit sex

Summary:

In a universe a little bit sideways from ours, the fates still throw Jared and Jensen together. Jensen is on his way back to Texas after his new pilot gets tanked, but Jared intervenes with plans of his own.

Jared is in desperate need of a pretty male model for his next big gig. Next thing he knows, Jensen is living with him, working with him and it feels like he’s known him forever. More unexpected is his attraction to Jensen, an attraction he can’t admit, even to himself.

Jensen accepts Jared’s offer to be his muse. He promises himself not to fall for his super hot boss with the pretty girlfriend. The thing about promises is, they’re simple to make and hard to keep.

Fic title:

The Frozen Ocean

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

kelleigh

Artist name:

quickreaver

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

50,700

Warning:

Brief mentions of depression, PTSD, suicidal ideation. Temporary character death. Minor character death. Action-movie level violence and injury.

Summary:

Three years ago, the world lost one of its heroes. Jensen Ackles, known to most as ‘Reactor,’ gave his life to save thousands, perhaps even to save our way of life. Jared Padalecki was there that day, amidst the ruin and rubble of battle, holding Jensen in his arms as he died. In the aftermath, as society mourned the loss of their superhero, Jared buried his husband on a quiet Texas hillside.

Now, Jared’s living as a shadow of his former self, unable to move beyond his loss, when the arrival of a strange object from deep in outer space sets in motion a series of events that challenges everything Jared thought he knew about Jensen’s past and hoped for their future. From old friends showing up at his door in Vancouver to a secret military base in the middle of Texas, Jared will go and risk everything, including his own sanity, to get Jensen back. But is Jensen still the same man he loved for so long, or will Jared lose him all over again? This time, the battle isn’t about saving the world - it’s about saving what they had.

Fic title:

Slipped Inside Your Left Front Pocket

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

oobydooby67

Artist name:

dollarformyname

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

30K

Warning:

alpha Jensen, omega Jared, a/b/o verse, explicit sexual content, past history of substance abuse, fatphobic remarks, PTSD

Summary:

Seven years ago, Jensen met singer, actress, and all-around legend Cher in a Manhattan lounge called Intime. After he played a set, she approached him, impressed, and they hit it off. With her guidance and connections, Jensen started to create a life outside of his job as a 911 dispatcher for the NYPD. He didn’t have to ask clubs to let him play; they started to call him to play for them.

Two years later, Jensen had to leave the city. He had to get out. And out meant back to Texas. When his cabbie got lost on the way to LaGuardia, he wandered back to Intime. Cher offered him another place to go.

Jensen arrived on a remote island in the South Pacific five years ago and never left.

Life was as steady as the ocean and as slow as a turtle named Diego. Until Cher sent her nephew to the island as part of a creative restart.

Then everything changed--possibly for the better.

Fic title:

Like A Music That Holds My Hands Down

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

saltandbyrne

Artist name:

beelikej

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

22K

Warning:

BDSM, romantic comedy, misunderstandings, fluff and smut, kid fic

Summary:

Perpetually-single pediatric dentist Jared lets his best friend Misha talk him into going to an anonymous BDSM party. Jared hooks up with a gorgeous stranger, but panics after their encounter and leaves before he can learn more about him. A year later, Jared is stunned to recognize Jensen Ackles as the father of one of his new patients and the guy from the best one-night stand of Jared’s life. With some encouragement from Jensen’s co-parent Danneel and Jared’s plucky office manager Genevieve, Jared realizes that he and Jensen might be perfect for each other

Fic title:

Retrain

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

nerdypastrychef

Artist name:

emmatheslayer

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

31K

Warning:

dubcon, non-con, underage, bad bdsm etiquette, watersports (mentioned), collaring, sexual abuse, general abuse, age gap, barebacking, dom!bottom!Jensen, sub!top!Jared

Summary:

Jensen Ackles wins teenage submissive Jared Padalecki in a poker game run by Stephen Amell. Jensen doesn’t know anything about being a Dominant or taking care of an abused kid but he can’t let Jared go, he has to help him learn who he was meant to be.

Fic title:

The Scars of Time

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

cleflink

Artist name:

ameraleigh

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

PG

Word count:

35,250

Warning:

a little bit of violence, mentions of past homophobia and child neglect, abandonment issues

Summary:

Jensen works as a Chrono Tech, which is just a fancy title for being a time-traveling mechanic who fixes holes in the fabric of history. It's not exactly glamorous, but Jensen has learned to be content with his lot in life. Then he meets Jared and, suddenly, there's so much more to his life than just being content.

But Jensen's first loyalty must always be to the integrity of the time stream. And when Jared's very existence threatens to turn all of history inside out, Jensen is faced with the only decision he never wanted to make.

Fic title:

The Citadel Codex

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

paleogymnast

Artist name:

merakieros

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

24K

Warning:

graphic depictions of violence, cybernetic and biotech modifications (consensual and nonconsensual), graphic sex, mentions of genocide, flashbacks, body horror (see Author’s notes on fic for more warnings)

Summary:

1,500 years ago, the founders of Citadel—a peculiar binary planet—set out to establish a new colony far from the reaches of the galactic powers, the Central Empire and the Republic. Their colony would redefine life as we know it. 15 years ago, the rival galactic powers waged an all-out war on Citadel in search of her secrets. Citadel was lost and with it the sum total of her knowledge, research, history, and discoveries… or was it? Rumors persist that Citadel’s knowledge was scattered to the Cosmos, hidden, but not lost, if only one lock and one key can be found. As the rival superpowers compete to find the secrets of Citadel, a man alone who will search to reclaim his history. But as Imperial and Republic spies threaten to expose his secret and destroy the promise of Citadel once and for all, who the mysterious Jared whose side is he on?

Fic title:

Obscura Rasa

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

nyxocity

Artist name:

swan_song21

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

127,400

Warning:

Mild violence and gore

Summary:

Jensen is a man on the run from his past and the strange ability he possesses to see other people’s memories. Jared is the seemingly perfectly normal owner of a night club in Washington DC called the Hall of Doors. Jensen rents an apartment above the club on a temporary basis, and through an encounter with a mysterious stranger with powers like his own, finds himself embarked on a quest for answers to what he is. Jensen and Jared begin to fall for each other against Jensen’s better instincts, and along with their friends, find themselves pulled into a secret world filled with perils and more questions than answers. Through back alleys, clubs, magical places and spaces between worlds, Jensen discovers what he is and becomes hunted by otherworldly creatures, including one terrifying adversary bent on destroying reality as they know it. Jensen may be the only one with the power defeat them, but true power always comes with a price, and the cost may be Jensen’s life—or something far, far worse.

Fic title:

Imaginary Friends

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

timehasa_way

Artist name:

cherie_morte

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

21,479

Warning:

Borrowing the Glory/Key concepts from Buffy, but not a true crossover; this fic assumes the show/storyline never existed, with no main Buffy characters or settings involved. Betrayal, angst, depression, violence, suicide TW, hurt!Jared, hurt!Jensen, hurt!Misha, temporary major character death. NC-17 for blowjob/handjob/frottage.

Summary:

When a strange monk shows up in Jensen's trailer during the filming of season nine, he and Misha learn that Jared isn't the person they thought he was. In fact, he may not be a person at all. According to the monk, Jared was created as a vessel to protect a Key that opens gates to other dimensions. The god seeking him out poses a threat not only to Jared, but to the world. Having just crossed over from friends to something more, Jensen struggles with the fact that his first five years of memories with Jared have been implanted in his brain and goes down a dark path. Misha struggles to keep them both safe and sane during the hiatus, also putting himself in harm's way as they hide out in motel rooms, Winchester-style.

Fic title:

Winner Takes All

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

junkerin

Artist name:

blackrabbit42

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

30K

Warning:

graphic rape, non con

Summary:

On the run to freedom Jared relifes his past:

Turned against his will into an omega, raped and abused he never lost his will to fight.

Starting a new life is hard especially if the assigned help (Jensen) looks like your former alpha. With Jensen´s help and another dramatic change, Jared is on his way to a new start

But will the shadows of Jared's past destroy the new life he has started to build?

Fic title:

Hold Your Head Up High In Disgrace

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

ashtraythief

Artist name:

blondebitz

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

45K

Warning:

show-level violence

Summary:

If you ask Jensen, Jared is a punk-ass little thief who’s not as irresistible as he thinks he is. If you ask Jared, Jensen is a mean, vindictive bastard, who’s definitely not as handsome as he thinks he is. But the world of intergalactic smuggling is small and Jared and Jensen keep crossing paths.

Just when they’re about to admit that maybe the other isn’t so bad after all, their pasts rear their ugly heads. When the stakes are their lives instead of the next shiny object, Jared and Jensen have to decide how far they’re willing to go to save themselves—and each other.

Fic title:

Lost And Found

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

angelzfurys

Artist name:

thruterryseyes

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen

Rating

R

Word count:

60K

Warning:

This does have a few mentions of self-harm but just in passing, not too serious like real suicide. Some abuse of power and people by authority figures.

Summary:

After Jensen is struck by lightning he finds himself with the power to find anyone. At first he's not sure what to do with this new power besides pass on what he knows. But after a run in with the FBI he finds himself caught up in the sights of a secret group who are not so happy to share his power so freely. With his crush Jared helping him out of one jam and into another he's not sure if anyone should benefit from his powers or if anyone should even have them in the first place. After all, what's missing should not always be found.

Sam/Dean

Fic title:

The Skin of the Beast

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

entropy_red

Artist name:

phoenix1966

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

30K

Warning:

Body Horror, Canon typical violence, Sex with sentient animals, Dubious Consent

Summary:

Find Dean, find Jack, fix it. Sam's mission should be simple, but after a mysterious storm transforms ordinary people into hideous creatures, Sam finds himself struggling to hang onto his humanity and stay alive. Joined by an enormous wolf, Sam sets out across a new and dangerous landscape trying to balance the draw he feels to the wolf and his need to complete his mission. Find Dean, find Jack, fix it.

Fic title:

Walkin' the Tightrope

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

non_tiembo_mala

Artist name:

stargazingchola

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

25K

Warning:

Show-level violence, sibling incest, explicit sexual content, bottom Sam, top Dean, reference to/implied weecest

Summary:

It’s 2036, and twenty years since Sam and Dean called it quits on hunting to take up a secluded, quiet life. Maybe Jesse and Cesar gave them the idea, but after Amara, they realized they’d done enough. And they wanted a proper life together even more.

Known as Sam Wesson and Dean Smith to the residents of the nearby town they call home, Sam and Dean keep mostly to themselves, their immaculately kept ‘67 Chevy Impala, and their cabin in the woods. That is, until someone from their past tracks them down, desperate for help.

Sam and Dean can’t say no, not when it’s their dear friend Jody Mills in deep trouble – she’s missing – but the wedding bands they wear make going back to their old life just that little bit more complicated…

Fic title:

Nothing Else Matters

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

angelus2hot

Artist name:

siennavie

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

33, 341

Warning:

Vampire/human sex(Dean/Sam), bottom!Dean, Implied/past relationship(Dean/Benny), Character turned into a vampire(Dean), Character turned into a monster(Sam), Original characters, Original monster, Violence, Coarse language, Angst, Romance, Coerced sex/Non Con sex(but she's in human form, Maerysa/Sam), Dubious Consent, Monster/human sex(but she's in human form, Maerysa/Sam)

Summary:

It was supposed to be a simple case, save the little children from the hideous monster before it was too late. But instead Sam was taken by the same monster they were hunting. As usual Dean will do whatever he has to do in order to save his brother and with help from Garth, Crowley and even Benny he does just that. But once Sam is rescued the price he had to pay may well be too high.

Fic title:

Rule of Thirds

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

firesign10

Artist name:

cherie_morte

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

39,177

Warning:

show-level violence/blood

Summary:

Victor Henriksen survived Lilith's blast at the Monument police station. He returns to the FBI after his hospital stay, but can't reconcile his past world view with his knowledge of the supernatural. Enter Sam and Dean Winchester, who invite Victor to join them, starting him not only on a journey of hunting, danger, and life on the road, but one that will lead him to explore who he really is.

Fic title:

And the moon became as blood

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

zara_zee

Artist name:

milly_gal

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

49,500

Warning:

m/m incest, boys raised apart, show-level horror and violence, apocalyptic themes, religious themes, permanently-injured Dean, powers!sam, AU world

Summary:

Dean Winchester is a Preacher, from a long line of Preachers. He believes unreservedly in The Revelation of The End Times; he sees the evidence of its truth in the desolate dying world all around him every day. The End is coming. It is unstoppable. Humankind’s destiny is a foregone conclusion.

And then a Hunter arrives at Dean’s Church and asks him a frightening question: What if the future isn’t set? What if The End of Days can be stopped?

The Hunter’s name is Sam and he speaks Heresy. But he also knows Dean far better than any stranger should, and Dean quickly finds himself captivated by the man’s vision of a better future.

And so begins an epic quest across the Badlands: a quest for knowledge and truth; a quest for freedom; and, ultimately, a quest for humanity’s very existence.

Fic title:

Ordinary Magic

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

storyspinner70

Artist name:

yanyann

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

23,500 +

Warning:

top!dean, bottom!Sam, mpreg, brief mentions of suicide attempt and ideation, wincest, language, explicit sex, canon level violence, angst, magic, fae and other creatures.

Summary:

The day started like any other, but ended with Dean having to save his brother from the evil clutches of – fairies? All Dean wanted was some beer after a rough day. What he ended up with was his brother pregnant with his child. Constant brotherly bickering, a haunted house that landed Sam in the hospital, a hunt where Dean was assisted by some sort of creature he’d never seen, and general panic at the upcoming birth of their child nearly tore the brothers apart when even heaven itself had failed. Could a world survive if the Winchesters hated each other, or will they finally discover what it is they both truly want?

Fic title:

The City of Brotherly Love

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

runedgirl

Artist name:

milly_gal

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

21,400

Warning:

none

Summary:

No one is more surprised than Sam and Dean Winchester that they’ve managed to survive long enough to settle down. Sort of. Sam is maybe a little more okay with the whole aging thing than Dean, so when Sam is hit with a spell that makes him younger and younger until he’s about 20, Dean doesn’t cope well. When the same spell turns Dean into a twenty-year-old, both of them have to cope with all those forbidden feelings about each other that they never acted on at that age. If the de-aging spell is going to keep going until they don’t exist, which could happen in a matter of days, what’s stopping them from acting on those feelings now – especially when they look like that?

Fic title:

Just Ghosts

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

excoyote

/ brokenlittleboy on AO3

Artist name:

be_my_precious

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

55.3K

Warning:

Mentions of rape, depictions of violence and torture

Summary:

Sam is brought back from hell broken into parts, memory gone, and fragile. He and Dean recuperate at Bobby's, and Dean teaches Sam how to be Sam. Having no memory is frustrating, and with a weak body, too, Sam finds himself leaning on Dean more and more. Something is wrong--Dean is conversing with Sam in a language Sam doesn't speak, pining after something they had that Sam doesn't have a name for. Sam's memories lurk around every corner, surprising him at random. He discovers an entire part of his identity, a happy, self-assured woman, has been deleted from his memory, locked behind The Wall due to a dangerous connection to Hell, and Dean was desperately in love with her. Sam struggles to come to terms with his identity and takes terrifying dips in icy Hell memories, watching herself get torn apart, but never him. Only her, until her very core was wrapped with the devil's, with pain. Despite the inevitable danger, Sam tries to make himself whole again, falling in love with Dean and descending deeper into the rabbit hole.

Fic title:

Turnabout

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

roxymissrose

Artist name:

yanyann

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

44,358

Warning:

none

Summary:

Sam's been the quiet one all his life; the shy, steady one. Until his whole quiet, ordered life spins out of control with the appearance of the brother he hadn't seen in years, not since he'd been locked up for the murder of their father...and the attempted murder of a young Sam.

Fic title:

Finding Your H(e)aven

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

winterwolke

Artist name:

sandy79

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

56K

Warning:

A/B/O-dynamics, Alpha!Sam, Omega!Dean, slightly dub-con due to heat encounter, strongly hinted non-con but no graphic descriptions, dark beginning, fluffy end

Summary:

Though The Change made Alphas, Betas and Omegas equal, Omegas still struggle with being accepted by society. Sam and Dean are working for an Omega Rescue Unit at Quantico, Virginia, fighting evil in the form of human trafficking rings and their ominous leader, El Lupo. When a case ends differently than expected, both have to fight for what they want most - each other.

Fic title:

Hidden In The Right Place

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

smalltroven

Artist name:

amberdreams

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

30,348

Warning:

Vague season 13 spoilers

Summary:

A demon the Winchesters haven’t encountered before escapes from Hell to kidnap Dean because she has a plan. One that requires at least one of the Winchesters to help her to complete it. Will Dean cooperate with her even when she’s made Dean forget himself? Will he break and give in before Sam can save him? How far will Sam go to rescue his brother?

Fic title:

Under a Spell

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

annie46

Artist name:

cherie_morte

Genre:

Wincest

Pairing:

Sam/Dean

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

21K

Warning:

Bottom!Sam, Magically induced amnesia, Mute!Sam

Summary:

Sam and Dean are hunting for twenty people who have gone missing in the same area in the last two years; none of them were ever found. No bodies, no clues. The only thing Sam has found is three trees in a perfect triangle with sigils painted on each one. When the Winchesters stumble on the sigils they are sucked into a totally different world.

All of a sudden Dean is Dean Campbell who has lived in Llepsarednu all of his life; (Llepsarednu is an odd town, there are no children, no one gets sick and everything is in its place). Dean is a mechanic with a lovely little cabin in the woods, a dog and an easy – if routine - life. One day he stumbles upon a tall stranger who appears to have no memory and can’t speak. Dean is instantly drawn to him and he takes him in and hides him from the townsfolk who are insanely suspicious of anyone who isn’t from their town.

It is now obvious that both Sam and Dean are under a spell; despite the fact that they appear to be strangers to each other they share a bond and, eventually, they fall for each other and become intimate.

What will happen if and when the brother's regain their memory and can they ever get back to just being 'brother's' again?

Fic title:

Out Of Nowhere

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

amypond45

Artist name:

kuwlshadow

Genre:

SPN AU

Pairing:

Sam and Dean pre-slash

Rating

PG-13

Word count:

22,361

Warning:

underage (16-year-old Dean has a fantasy about 12-year-old Sam), boys don’t know they’re brothers, sibling child-abuse (not between Sam and Dean)

Summary:

A hundred years ago, in an alternate United States, monsters and humans have been at war as long as anyone can remember. John Winchester raises his sons in a world already overrun by the supernatural, in which humans are often on the defensive, pushed ever further west. Against this backdrop, Dean and foster-brother Sam grow up relatively carefree on a ranch near Lawrence, Kansas, protected and heavily warded, until the day Dean learns the truth about his mother, the mysterious hunter who abandoned her family when Dean was four. With his new knowledge, Dean figures out even better ways to protect his family and his home. But will it be enough?

Gen

Fic title:

Circum Erotico

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

deceptivemirror

Artist name:

lightthesparks

Genre:

Gen

Rating

R

Word count:

22,235

Warning:

some gore, lots of nudity, graphic depictions of crime scenes and simulated sex acts, discussion of sex and sexuality, and religious themes

Summary:

A mysterious string of random deaths plague several cities across the United States, and Sam and Dean are called to investigate. After some sleuthing, they discover all the deaths occur at the times Circum Erotico, a traveling troupe of sexy, daring performers, are in town, and that the murders appear to have been perpetrated by a demon.

The plan itself is flawless. Infiltrate the erotic show, find the culprit, exorcise, burn, and be on their way. The execution...is less than flawless.

Dean's task is to make handling weaponry look sexy, and Sam becomes a strongman for suggestive dances and acts. Sooner or later, they'll stumble on the murderer...if the crowds hungry for more of their skin don't devour them first.

Jared/Jensen/Misha

Fic title:

I Want To Love You (But I Better Not Touch)

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

seawitch27

Artist name:

imogen_lily

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jared/Jensen/Misha

Rating

NC-17

Word count:

60,234

Warning:

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, mentions of past consensual incest, attempted non-consensual sex, self-harm, minor character death

Summary:

When Omega-Prince Jared of secretive Alyonis travels to decadent Val Deauvin on a diplomatic mission, the last thing he expects is to fall in love - and with not one but two alphas. Prince Jensen of Val Deauvin and Prince Misha of wintry Montisierre (and Ward of Val Deauvin) are the last people that Jared should want to mate. As he spends more time with the alphas, though, two questions begin to emerge:

One, is it possible to have two mates?

And two, is there any way that Jared's going to be able to keep them?

As political forces plot against them and their three kingdoms prepare for the possibility of war, Jensen, Jared, and Misha must decide what they're willing to give up to be together - while the true enemy lurks in the shadows and may be someone they never suspected... (Part One)

Fic title:

Prodigal

Link to art:

Here

Author name:

fufaraw

Artist name:

lilaeth

Genre:

RPS

Pairing:

Jensen/OCs

Rating

R

Word count:

45K

Warning:

A/B/O dynamics, noncon, dubcon, kidnapping, rape, attempted rape, mpreg, underage

Summary:

Jensen was kidnapped at fourteen. He escapes at seventeen, and contacts his dad. He has to recover and discover how to live with the changes in his life.

from Supernatural and J-Squared Big Bang Challenge! https://ift.tt/2MtP3b2