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yakumtsaki · 3 years

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Welcome, dear readers, to part 1 of the finale to the BackupKingdom2 saga! We’re in our final ambition now, let’s check how Liz’s post-divorce-bloodbath is going..

Oh yes, excellent. Our path to death-achievement-glory has been paved with so many executions that wherever I look I see npcs crying..

..comforting each other..

..and in Agnes' case, coming straight to Liz to.. ask for mercy for the populace I guess?? Bruh. I can't believe we even brought down AGNES, truly this is the saddest kingdom on earth. Amazing job, Liz, you've definitely earned your place in the tyrant hall of fame!

Now a lesser player would be like "oh, maybe we should chill a little on the insane tyrant thing, finish the Pirate/Noble arc cause we've been dragging this war out so the pirates/guildsmen would keep spawning and it should have ended like 20 quests ago" and true, we could just end it, we ran a very effective operation around here, shoutout to MVPs Donius and Bellinda and their 'seductive' legendary traits:

They bedded them and Liz beheaded them, the power of teamwork! So one could say that we should consider raising kingdom morale now because everyone is so depressed but I think, if anything, now is the time to ramp it up and go for some of the other morally questionable achievements! Like Machiavelli said, you should commit all your atrocities at once! What do you think, Liz? Ready to get atrocious?

-OH FUCK YEA, I’M ENRAGED, I DROPPED MY FIDDLE IN THE PIT AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE SERVANT TO GET ME A NEW ONE!! WHY DOES EVERYTHING ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME >:(

Aw I’m sorry Liz, but I’m sure you the upcoming suffering of your subjects will cheer you up!

-Ok motherfuckers, by order of the Crown aka ME -you hear that Rae?? ME, NOT YOU. God I want to execute you so bad, fucking ingrate, do you remember what rags you were wearing when I hired you??

Let’s get this back on track, Liz.

-Right, so by order of the Crown, Magus Olivia and Spymaster Spainot are given COMPLETE LEGAL IMMUNITY to do whatever the fuck they want in the interest of earning achievements, so don’t you people come crying to me cause I don’t give one tiny chinchilla crap about your health and livelihoods. If you need me for something actually important, I'll be at the gates, executing anyone who doesn't like my fiddle playing.

-Oh man, this folksy peasant hat isn’t protecting my ears enough.

-THOUGHT I WOULDN’T HEAR YOUR LITTLE MURMUR, DID YOU -YOUR MAJESTY NO I ONLY MEANT MY EARS WERE COLD -WELL ALL OF YOUR BODY’S ABOUT TO BE COLD NOW! CONSTABLE, THROW THIS PEASANT IN THE PIT

-Death marker? I hardly know 'er!

So the Constable npc has this little Billy Elliot subplot going, I'm pretty sure he has the 'drunkard' fatal flaw because he was always at the tavern so I had Bellinda try to hire him to perform in one of her plays just to see what would happen and it actually worked, and now he moonlights as an actor! It's cute but it also takes forever for him to come arrest people.

-THEY LOVE ME ❤️😁 -CONSTABLE WHATSYOURNAME, COME OVER HERE AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR YOU'RE NEXT FOR THE PIT

-No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, when someone dies😢

In the background you can see that Bellinda just got a pregnancy bump, it’s her lovechild with Donius, I for real can’t keep these two apart. Anyway, the time has come..

..to unleash Magus Olivia onto the populace.

-You know what, I'd rather not, this book is finally getting good and I'm sick of cursing peasants, it doesn't even drop their mood that much..

Oh no, Olivia my beloved, we're not cursing them, we're going for the 'Well Done' achievement!

-NO WAY.

WAY.

-Won't I be executed??

You have immunity! You can do whatever you want!! And, AND, once you complete it, because I know it's tiring, I'll give you a magic skeletal parrot as a gift!! Edward got all the materials for it while treasure-hunting, you'd think I'd let him keep it but that's not the kind of shop I'm running here.

-This is my face of pure, childlike happiness!

Good lord, it’s terrifying, please don’t look at me like that.

-Alright, time to roll down my sleeves so they look more sinister and do this thing.

You can do it, Olivia!

-Of course I can, save your reassurance for the flops that need it.

-I.. cast.. INFERNO!

...

-What?

I mean really, those are the words, "I cast inferno"? Can't you say something with more evil magical flair?

-Not when I have to cast it 80 fucking times I can't.

-IT BURNS, IT BURNSSSSS

Oh how the tables have turned, usually it's the witch that gets burned, huhu! Did you hear that, Olivia? Did you like my joke??

-Oh, it's beautiful!

Well it wasn't one of my best-

-Not you, you needy moron, the sight of burning flesh! I can't wait to do this 79 more times!

Alright, so everyone in the tavern has been turned into a chicken nugget, time to get some rest and check in with Spainot!

-Amazing news, Rodolfo, I just got royal permission to unlawfully lock up and interrogate whoever I want for the achievements!!!

-Darling, no offense, but aren't you a bit too shit at your job for that? -WHAT????

-FUCK YOU RODOLFO YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS OF MY SUCCESS -I WISH I WAS JEALOUS OF YOUR SUCCESS, THEN YOU'D BE SUCCESSFUL AND I WOULDN'T BE MARRIED TO A BROKE LOSER

-And then he says the only reason he hasn't dumped me is he doesn't wanna be a rando npc while Batshit Liz is on an execution spree, can you believe this bullshit? How can anyone be so hurtful??

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NO NO PLEASE DON'T HAVE THIS CHINCHILLA MAUL ME I'LL GIVE YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT

-How about you give me some marital advice, are you even listening?! Ugh.

That's right, while Olivia is inferno-ing the peasants, I've sicced Spainot on the nobility, specifically all those foreign diplomats that are always hanging in the reception hall, lagging up the place. We're going for the 100 interrogations achievement and we’ve installed a nice spiky torture chair right in the middle of the hall to save time! Now this is how we keep every stratum of society terrified enough to not realize that the person in charge is.. uh.. well you know:

-DANCE TO MY FIDDLE, PIRATE, DANCE!

-I AM!!!!!

-DANCE MORE ENTHUSIASTICALLY. ALL THE WAY TO THE PIT

After a couple days and several locations I feel we’re pretty close to 80 infernos!

I’d say we’ve burned a good 50-60% of the population at this point, everywhere I look I see singed townies-

-so we take this little barbecue to the palace because we’ve ran out of peasants and it’s time to start burning the foreign dignitaries. And it’s a good thing we do, because Olivia meets Nyrexis the Dragon!!!!

Nyrexis is the human form of the dragon from a hilar quest where there’s a dragon in the kingdom and you can either befriend it or slay it, I had Bellinda befriend it:

So if you complete the befriend route of the quest, the human form of the dragon appears in town and is in love with whoever did the quest, in this case Bellinda. I am of course not about to waste Dragonfu on Bellinda’s basic ass, plus I feel Olivia is kind of a dragon with all the people she’s been burning so they have a lot in common!

We dazzle Dragonfu with a coin trick! True magic at work.

-OMG IT WAS BEHIND MY EAR THE WHOLE TIME -I KNOW!

Good God, all of Olivia’s ‘happy’ expressions are terrifying, just don’t smile ever again, you’re too evil for it, you’re gonna scare the dragon away!

Or not!!!!

AWWWWW 🐲❤️🔮

You know what, fuck it, let’s lock it down, when it’s right it’s right!

-Burn stuff with me forever?? -I WILL!!!!

-We are gathered here today, under threat of fiery death, to join two unholy abominations in holy matrimony. Yes, the irony is not lost on me.

AW CONGRATS GUYS <3333 The wizard tower is so small and family un-friendly and Olivia is so unmaternal but come on, like I’m not gonna have her reproduce with a fucking dragon.

Back to Spainot, we’ve hit a slight bump, mainly that this Snordwich lord is proving fucking impossible to torture.

-Um.. Are you enjoying this??? -Sure am, bad boy, but why don’t we take this somewhere more private already?

Wtf, stop sexually harassing the innocent person who’s torturing you! Does no one around here have any sense of humanity anymore??

-Come on, Spainot, throw some flesh-eating rodents at him! -I’M BUILDING UP TO IT, RAE, GAWD. No one likes a back-seat torturer!

-HA, who’s the loser now, Rodolfo? Rodolfo?? RODOLFO

Ya Spai I don’t know how to tell you this, but I’m pretty sure he left while you were interrogating, I haven’t seen him in like 3 days.

-WHAT. So Olivia completes one achievement and gets a dragon wife and a magic skeletal bird and I complete three and get dumped?!

Well what do you want from me, I don’t make the rules!

-YES YOU DO

Can we move on, please? And Olivia had a very rough go of it-

-she got burned in some rando quest and looked positively karma-stricken after, inferno-ing left and right while sporting this look! She deserves a magic bird!

Congrats on your success and 4 kids, Olivia!

-I love this skeleton bird more than I thought it possible to ever love something.

-Gee, thanks mom.

We had leftover bones so here, Spainot, you get a magic bird too.

-A bone parrot is little comfort when you’ve lost the only bone that matters! Why Rodolfo, whyyyyy!!!!!!!!!

Oh I don’t know, probably because you challenged him to duels 3 times a day?

-No, that can’t be it.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you look like a man who has nothing to live for?

-Yea, I certainly don’t.

So you wouldn’t mind like, jumping into the pit multiple times so you can get the parts we need for the hardest achievement in game aka Legendary Doomsword?

-Rodolfo had one of those too, it was legendary and now that it’s gone I’m doomed!!!

Ok ya ENOUGH metaphors about Rodolfo’s absent penis, although they really are writing themselves. We’ll get him back! If you survive all the pit jumping that is. Join us next time for part 2: Legendary Doomsword!

#tsm

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borisbubbles · 3 years

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My favourite Dorian Quotes

Just as an addendum, since my previous didn’t exactly put across the hilarity of Dorian, here are my favourite quotes/conversations/reactions by Dorian Pavus in Dragon Age 3. Edit 22/01: added a few more because Dorian just keeps giving. 60. Dorian: Come on Varric, just answer the question. 😣 Varric: My mother didn’t raise any morons, Sparkler. 🙄 Dorian: But you must have an opinion! And you’re a Dwarf! Completely unbiased. Varric: There is no way I’ll answer “Which Inquisition Mage is the best dressed?”, not for all the gold in Orzammar. Vivienne: Also, the answer is obvious. 🙂 59. Dorian: So what's your estimation, Varric? Think we could win? Varric: 😱 You aren't asking me to give odds on our beloved Inquisitor's success?! 😛 Dorian: What would that look like? Three to one? 🤣 Varric: In his favor? Dorian: After Corypheus pulled an archdemon out of his arse, are you joking? Inquisitor: You would actually bet against me? Dorian: Now now, if I weren't here, it would be five to one at least. 😘 Inquisitor: I’ll take those odds, actually. 😏 Dorian: This is why I adore him so. 😍 58. Cassandra: So Bull, about Dorian... Iron Bull: Yep, it’s true. 😁 Dorian: By all means, let’s discuss this all together. 🙄 Cassandra: If you’re both pleased Dorian: He’s happy, I’m happy, everybody’s happy! Iron Bull: Awww, you’re happy. 😍 Dorian: 😣 Cassandra: 😄 57. You joke! they’ll be writing books about you, boring ones that will get it all wrong. Just you wait! 56. Iron Bull: Yesss, we’re going to fight the dragon, boss? Oh THIS is gonna be GOOD. Dorian: You are way too excited about this. 😑

55. Blackwall: How do you get your hair to do that, Dorian? With magic? Dorian: With proper hygiene and grooming. Maybe the three of you should get acquainted. 🙄 54. Cole: You’re happier now, Dorian Dorian: Oh is that what this light tingly feeling is? I suppose you’re right. 😏 Cole: Wishing but wondering, wounded and whistful Cole: What if he doesn’t want me after? Dorian: But he did. 😁 Cole: Now you’re smiling. It’s good. 😃 53. Varric: Does this shit make any sense to you? Dorian: Are you referring to the giant gaping hole in the sky, or the creature from a Chantry cautionary tale pretending to be a god? Varric: Either. I’m feeling generous. Dorian: What’s the matter? Some pretender comes along, tears the place down, declares himself king. That’s half of history. Varric: Corypheus is like that drunk uncle who refuses to leave the party? Dorian: Even after he puts a hole in the ceiling. Terribly common. 52. Sera: You gonna warn me the next time you’re throwing your magic around? Dorian: As long as you’re careful where you shoot all those arrows Sera: You magic me, I’ll put three in your eye! Dorian: 😅 Now we can live together in peace and harmony! 51. Vivienne: Dorian, what did you think of little Sera’s last Red Jenny mission? Dorian: Hmm... I’d call it ‘medium’. 🤔 Vivienne: ‘Medium’, my dear? Dorian: It wasn’t rare, and it certainly wasn’t well done. 😏 50. Cole: Dorian, what is 'a slave'? Dorian: FESTISBEIUMOCANAVERUM! 😨 Cole: You said I could ask questions! Dorian: I know I did, just... go ask the Inquisitor that one. 49. An optimist! 🤣 such a rare breed, I have stumbled upon a unicorn. 48. Dorian: What I wouldn't give for some proper wine.😫 Vivienne: Skyhold's steward is a sadistic little man who is trying to kill us. 🤢 Dorian: Perhaps he found a bargain he couldn't pass up, on vats of vinegar? 47. Cassandra: Why are you looking at me like that, Dorian? Dorian: I am trying to imagine what you would look like... in a dress.😈 Cassandra: Keep wondering. If my uncle couldn't put me in one, neither shall you. 46. Dorian: How do you want to be remembered, Cassandra? Valiant yet sexy rebel against the status quo? Cassandra: I don't have any control over how I'll be remembered. 🙄 Dorian: Sword raised high, blue scarf dramatically fluttering in the wind, sun rising behind you? Cassandra: Blue scarf?😒 Why would I be wearing such a thing? Dorian: It's a painting, of course! Work with me( It'll be fantastic! 🤗 45. Dorian: Why is it so cold? How do you southerners stand it? Iron Bull: What's the matter? Not enough slaves around to rub your footsies? Dorian: My ‘footsies’ are freezing, thank you! 😒 44. Blackwall: Dorian, I’d appreciate it if you stopped refering to me as ‘that hairy lummox”. 😠 Dorian: When did I do that? Blackwall: At the tavern, the blacksmith’s, the stable. You said it to the gateguards when we left Skyhold! Dorian: hmm... 🤔 yes, that does sound like me. 🤗 43. Dorian: Watch out where you point that thing! 😡 Iron Bull: Dirty! 😏 Dorian: Vishante kaffas, I meant your weapon! 😡 42. Dorian: What would you say Blackwall's best feature is, Vivienne? Vivienne: His absence, of course. 🙄 Blackwall: I can hear both of you. 😒 41. Dorian: Did you know we are actually related Inquisitor? Inquisitor: We, what? Dorian: Not first cousins or anything. Can you imagine? Dorian: I however did a bit of digging in my family tree, and somewhere down the netheregions of my line there was also a Trevelyan. Dorian: Perhaps the one who went to Ostwick to establish the branch? I knew we looked so alike for a reason. 😏 Inquisitor: Um, yay? Dorian: Indeed! 😁 Yay! 40. I’m always nice. 😏 39. Dorian: I don't know if you've heard, but the rumours are that you and I are... intimate. Inquisitor: That's not such a bad thing, isn't it? Dorian: I don't know, is it? Inquisitor: Do you always answer a question with a question? Dorian: Perhaps you would like me to answer in a different fashion? 🤔 Inquisitor: If you're capable. 😅 Dorian: 😘🥰😚 Dorian: 'If you're capable.' The nonsense you speak. 🤭 38. Dorian: You caught the eye of a young woman in that last village, Blackwall. Blackwall: I'm sure you're mistaken. 😒 Dorian: You're right. She was undoubtedly looking at me.🤭 37. Dorian: Vivienne, I have only the one question - why the Orlesian fixation with masks? Vivienne: It is The Game, darling. You never show the players your true visage. Dorian: A strange custom in a culture where people assassinate each other for putting too much salt in the soup Vivienne: An extra hurdle to be overcome. Fail at The Game, and you die. Dorian: And you people call Tevinter barbaric. 🙄 36. Dorian: You are smiling a great deal these days, Cassandra. 😉 Cassandra: I am not... smiling. 😒 Dorian: Now you're not, but only because I pointed it out to you. Cassandra: I am not a giddy schoolgirl! 😡 Dorian: That would have been easier to believe if you hadn't just blushed. 🤗 35. You’ll be surprised at the credit my tongue gets me, your Reverence. 34. Dorian: Sera, I see you are having fun with your illustruous paramour- Sera: WHAT? 😨 Is it showin'? Dorian: What? NO, oh heavens NO. 🤢 Dorian: I meant to ask if you're enjoying your new relationship. Sera: Then why not just say that? 🙄 Dorian: I did... in words you apparently don't understand. 😑 Sera: What's the point of words you know and others don't? Who'd you say them to? 🙄 Dorian: Letmejustdobothofusafavorandretractthequestion. 😡 Sera: Pity, because we're doing great. That's why I'm following her around with weirdies 🤗 33. It was fun to goad you, Cassandra. You get that knot between your eyes when you're flustered - Ah, look, there it is! Delightful! 🤗 32. Dorian: I half expect my mother to materialize from the crowd to criticise my manners. Inquisitor: Where would we be if you mother we really here? Dorian: Short one mage, after he's been dragged out by his earlobe. Inquisitor: I have a hard deal imagining that. 😅 Dorian: Picture me a young boy of five years then. She certainly always has. 🙄 31. Dorian: 'Official Mage to the Orlesian Court'. Well that sounds exciting. 🙄 Vivienne: It's an esteemed position, darling. One many mages should envy. Dorian: Yes, I suppose being paraded around like an exotic peacock is better than frantically running from templars. 🙃 Vivienne: Better an exotic peacock than one Tevinter rat amongst many. Dorian: Oh? A dig at my homeland? This should be fun. 😏 30. Sera: Dorian? Those words you say. What do they mean? Dorian: What, you mean like mendicant or ultimatum? 🤨 Sera: No, arse, when you're mad. 'Pish-anty cough-ass'. You're swearing, I know it. Dorian: Ah, 'vishante kaffas'. It's Tevene, relics of the old tongue. We still use the colorful phrases. Sera: And it means what? Dorian: Literally? 😏 'You shit on my tongue.' Sera: 😂 Why not just say that? Dorian: A mystery for the ages. 29. Sera: Demons! Flappy robes! Dorian: Thieves! Dog Stink! Sera: Culty shits! Dorian: Treacherous teyrns! Sera: Wha- It’s not a proper game of ‘Your people are shit” if you just make up words. 🙄 Dorian: A ‘teyrn’ is a Fereldan title, just below that of a king. I thought you of all people would know that. Sera: Well that’s just... I... smartasses 🤬 Dorian: Too late! I believe that’s my round. 🤗 Sera: Piss! 😠 28. Vivienne: You’re rather amusing, Dorian. Dorian: Your outfit’s entertaining, I’ll give it that.🙄 Vivienne: Pretending to be a shark from a land of sharks. But you’re not a shark and you’ll never be one, darling. They knew this as much as we do. Dorian: I could have of course pretended, wore fancy clothes, convinced everyone I’m something I’m not. Dorian: Then I could take a position at court, whore myself out, and desperately hope no one realizes what a fraud I am. Vivienne: Such snapping for a fish without teeth! 😂 Inquisitor: I cannot believe the way you two speak to each other. 😨 Vivienne: Inquisitor whatever is the matter? We’re having a perfectly civil conversation. Dorian: It’s true. I’ve heard worse from the gardener back home. 27. Dorian: Varric, you owe me five royals. I’d like them paid in candied dates. 😉 Varric: I haven’t lost that bet yet, Sparkler. Dorian: You said we would be arse-deep in trouble. This is more like knee-high. Varric: I didn’t specify whose ass, did I? 😏 Dorian: Leave it to a dwarf always lowering the bar. 🙄 26. I hope you tried the ham they were serving, by the way. Tasted of despair. Fascinating. 25. Dorian: Vivienne, we can continue this dance forever if you like. Vivienne: Certainly. Provided both of us are capable. Dorian: I mock Orlesian frippery and nonsense, you slam Tevinter decadence and tyrrany. Dorian: There's however something more important we must remember. Vivienne: And what might that just be? 🤨 Dorian: At least we're not Antivan. Vivienne: 🤢 Quite right. Thank the Maker. 🙏 24. Cassandra: You're not as handsome as you think, Dorian. Dorian: Ah, but I must be! Or you wouldn't have been thinking about it all this time. 😏 Cassandra: Anyone who claims it as often as you must be dreadfully concerned they're not. Dorian: Look at this profile - Isn't it incredible? Dorian: I picture it in marble. 😏 Cassandra: 😒 23. Flying cows over Minrathous? Preposterous! Okay that one is actually true, but the cows didn't have wings. 22. Dorian: I have only one question, Sera: did you cut your own hair? Sera: Yeah. Why wouldn't I? 🙄 Dorian: You could try using something other than a rusty butter knife. Sera: Oh, excuse me while I dig up my diamond-studded hair-cutting whatevers. 🙄 Dorian: Scissors. 😏 The word you're looking for is "scissors." 😏 21. Iron Bull: Quite the stink-eye you've got going, Dorian. Dorian: You stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden with no thought save conquest. 😡 Iron Bull: That's right. These big muscled hands could tear those robes off while you struggled, helpless in my grip. Iron Bull: I'd pin you down, and as you gripped my horns. Iron Bull: I. Would. Conquer. You. 😏 Dorian: Uh. What? 😨 Iron Bull: Oh. Is that not where we're going? 🤐 Dorian: No. It was very much not.😳 20. You can't call me pampered, Varric. 🙄 Nobody has peeled a grape for me in weeks. 19. Sera: Dorian are you going to warn me the next time you bust out in demons or sumthin? Dorian: 😂 How exactly do you picture me 'busting out’? Dorian: I am just walking along and *OOPS* - demon? Dorian: I mean it could happen, after years of training. You could also trip and impale your eye on an arrow. 😏 Sera: So are you going to warn me or not? 🙄 Dorian: Certainly. But only because you're so dear to me. 😘 18. Dorian: For being so unnerved by magic, you aren't shy about benefiting from its effects.🤔 Sera: I don't. I use normal things, not magic. 🙄 Dorian: You consider swathing yourself in flame or ice 'normal' and 'not magic'? 🤨 Sera: For one: it comes out a bottle. Sera: For two: I mess up, I get burned. You mess up, your head chucks up a demon. Sera: For three: Bottle, little burned, no demons. So there. 🤗 Dorian: That was only... you know, if it lets you sleep at night, never mind. 😒 17. Festis bei umo canaverum! I swear, if you don't come through this, I will kill you. 😖 16. Dorian: The first time I entered the Fade it looked like a lovely castle full of silks and gold. 😍 Dorian: I met a marvellous desire demon as I recall. We chatted and ate grapes before he tried to possess me. 😇 Vivienne: 🙄😒😠😡🤬 Dorian: Yes? I hear your southern Harrowings are slightly more strenuous. 😏 15. What do they call this place? A "bog"? Lovely word for it. 🙄 14. Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I am sorry? 🙄 Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry.😷 What are you supposed to be, some sort of woodsman? Dorian: Isn't that a Dalish thing? Don't you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some sort of statement? Solas: No. 😠 Dorian: Well, it says "Apostate hobo" to me. 😏 Vivienne: Unwashed apostate hobo, more specifically. 🙂 13. I AM TOO PRETTY TO DIE 😭 12. Dorian: Amatus, it's been so long. Did you miss me? Inquisitor: A little bit. Dorian: 😂 'a little bit' he says. I'll show you a little bit! Just you wait. 😏 11. Dorian: Sera, where do you get your arrows from? You have so many. 🤔 Sera: From your arse. That's where. 🙄 Dorian: My arse should open up a shop. It's apparently quite prolific. 😁 10. Ah, this reminds me of the time Mother took me boating in summer. Or rather, she had the servants take me on the boat while she sat inside with a cool drink.🙄 09. Inquisitor: Things are going well with the Bull, I take it? Dorian: He's glad I've returned, if that's what you mean. Nearly crushed three of my ribs with that ridiculous hug. 🙄 Inquisitor: You say that as if you don't like it. 🤨 Dorian: For such a great beast, he can be such a terrible sap 🙄 Dorian: [bullvoice] "I want to talk about my feelings, Dorian". Dorian: Ugh. 🙄 Inquisitor: 😂 you do like it Dorian: Quiet you! He'll overhear, and then where I'll be?🤫 08. Dorian: Sera, I cannot believe you, of all people, are scared of magic. Surely you can see nothing wrong with a properly used tool? Sera: What about all the mages waving their proper tools in people's faces? Dorian: There's an image. 😁 Sera: "What about Corfyface? How many proper tools does he have under him? Dorian: That's not... I don't think I can continue. 😬 Sera: I don't care how gifted you are, don't cram it where it's not wanted. 😡 Vivienne: Maker, how does she not know? 🙄 07. Just once we should enter a cave and see normal sized spiders. 🙄 06. Cassandra: After all the places we have been, I hardly expected us to find ourselves in another cave. Cassandra: Still, as mad as our lives had been, I would take any chance to be together. 😘 Dorian: Why seeker, after all these years, I never realized you felt this way!! Cassandra: ... Dorian: ... Cassandra: 😒 Dorian: Oh, you meant him. 😶 05. Mountains! 😠 Cold! 😠 "Let's bring Dorian!". 😒 04. Dorian: I heard a little rumour that somebody has been doing some training. As an assassin no less. Inquisitor: I thought the skills might come in handy. Dorian: Yes, I suppose a little flair is welcome, with all the killing you do. Inquisitor: I don't kill that many people. 🙄 Dorian: Are you joking? I'm only surprised you didn't kill someone walking over here. 🤨 03. Cole: Breath painful, stabbing, and then real stabbing, lungs full, frothing, scent of apples as it all goes black. Dorian: 'Death By Applepie' - A lovely poem by our dear friend Cole. 02. Blackwall: Corypheus, one of yours isn't he? Dorian: One of my mine? 🙄 Like a pet? 🙄 Like a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? 🙄 Dorian: "Dorian, why can't you look after your little friends. Corypheus peed on the carpet again". Dorian: In this analogy, 'the carpet' is Haven. 😏 Blackwall: Is he or isn't he a Tevinter magister? 😒 Dorian: Meaning 'the source of everything bad in the world'? They are the same, yes? 😑 Blackwall: Sigh. Feels that way at times. 🙄 01. Inquisitor: No matter what happens, I wouldn't trade the years I spent with you for anything. Inquisitor: I love you. Dorian: I knew you'd break my heart, you bloody bastard. 😭

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age Inquisition #DAI #DA3 #Dragon Age 3 #Dorian #Dorian Pavus #Pavus

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kotlc-deleted-scenes · 3 years

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Nightfall B&N Exclusive Edition Short Story

If you haven’t read Nightfall yet, SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! Even the rest of this paragraph isn’t safe, so if you snuck back here because you’re channeling your inner Silveny (KEEFE! KEEFE! KEEFE!), you might want to wait. Don’t worry, the bonus Keefe hilarity will still be here when you’re ready! And now that I’ve sufficiently warned you—*pauses to give you one last chance to flee*—the pages you’re about to read cover what Keefe was up to during his recovery. So imagine these scenes happening at the same time as all the crazy stuff Sophie & Crew are doing during chapters 36–60 of this book. Hope you enjoy!

—Shannon Messenger

+ DAY ONE +

“Look! I’m all better!” Keefe promised, waving his arms and almost knocking over the ugly lamp on the table next to the bed. Not that he cared—he had big plans to trash all of Alvar’s stuff as soon as he was done hiding out there.

“I might be willing to believe you,” Elwin told him, “if you weren’t gritting your teeth every time you move.”

“What? This is how I smile now!” Keefe tightened his jaw and raised one eyebrow. “See? It’s my brooding, mysterious look.”

“Is that what you’re calling it?” Ro asked, plopping next to him and bouncing the mattress so hard that Keefe almost let out a yelp. “All I’m getting is wannabe bad boy.”

Elwin snorted a laugh.

Keefe glared at both of them, wishing he still had some of his favorite elixirs handy. He’d managed to slip some Hush Slush into Ro’s dinner the night before and wiped out her voice for eight glorious hours. But somehow she’d managed to find all of his stashes—even the extra well-hidden ones.

The princess was good.

He was pretty sure she’d also put Gurgle Gut in his breakfast for payback—though if he was right, at least she’d suffer as much as he would when the gurgles broke free.

“I’m fine, okay?” he told Elwin. “I can live with a little pain.”

“It’ll be a lifetime of pain if you don’t listen to me,” Elwin corrected. He flashed a red orb around Keefe’s torso and squinted through his glasses. “Just like I thought. You’re worse today.”

Keefe tossed back his covers. “Fine. Then the bed rest isn’t helping, so I don’t need to—”

He managed to get one foot on the floor before Ro bodyslammed him back to the bed, triggering a throbbing spasm that felt like a gremlin was chomping on his lungs.

“Both of you need to take it easy,” Elwin warned, “or I’m bringing Keefe to my house and putting Bullhorn on guard duty.”

“Um—he’s, like, two pounds of fur,” Keefe told him. “I think I can handle him.”

“I’d love to see you try.” Elwin dug through his satchel and pulled out a deep purple elixir. “But I’d rather you just take another dose of tissue regenerator and get some rest.”

“I can always pry those pouty lips open and pour it down your throat,” Ro added with a smile that showed every single one of her pointed teeth.

Keefe reached for the vial. Years of dealing with his dad had taught him it was easier to pretend to cooperate. So he chugged the medicine, even though it stunk worse than Alvar’s stuffy apartment.

Side note on that: He was pretty sure he didn’t want to know why the whole place reeked like rotting toenails. Or why Alvar had felt the need to cover every surface with mirrors.

“Try not to look so miserable,” Elwin said, taking the empty vial. “It’s only for a week.”

“Uh, do you realize how many times Foster can almost die in a week? Especially when my mom’s the one calling the shots?” Keefe countered.

Elwin sighed. “I know. But you need to get your strength back.”

“Plus, she doesn’t want to see you,” Ro reminded him. “Hey, don’t look at me like that—you know it’s true.”

It was true.

And it made Keefe queasier than the Gurgle Gut.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the burst of emotions Sophie had hit him with as she left the healing center. There hadn’t just been anger. There’d been hurt. And a deep, overwhelming disappointment that had made it hard to breathe.

Elwin patted him on the shoulder. “Give her a chance to cool off—”

“I don’t have time,” Keefe interrupted. “She could be heading to Nightfall right now.”

“If she is, I’m sure she can handle it,” Elwin told him. “I know we love to tease Sophie about all of her emergencies, but the truth is: She’s a survivor. And she has lots of powerful family and friends to back her up.”

“I’m supposed to be one of them,” Keefe argued.

“Then take care of yourself. The more you rest, the faster you’ll recover. And if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll check on her every day and give you updates—but only if you promise to stay in bed.”

“Fine,” Keefe mumbled, slumping down under the covers.

“Oh good!” Ro said. “We’re moving from denial mode to sulky boy. This’ll be fun!”

Keefe shot her a glare.

He wasn’t sulking.

Okay, fine, maybe he was a little—but he was also scheming.

First chance he got, he was sneaking out of Alvar’s apartment and heading straight to Havenfield.

He didn’t care what anyone said. Sophie needed his help.

+ DAY TWO +

“You have ten seconds to float back to bed,” Ro warned, without even glancing over her shoulder, “or I’m tying you down and covering you with flesh-eating bacteria.”

Keefe ignored the jolt of pain in his side as he pumped his arms, swimming through the air. “You expect me to believe you have flesh-eating bac—”

Ro leaped across the room, blocking the window he’d been levitating toward, and pulled a small black bottle from her breastplate. She poured a single drop onto her finger, and the dark blob immediately dissolved her skin into a bloody hole.

Keefe went back to bed.

Ro grinned. “Good boy.”

+ DAY THREE +

“If this is a trick . . . ,” Ro said, not bothering to finish the threat. The hand by her sword said the rest.

“No trick,” Keefe promised. “I seriously need your help. You found my prank stashes so easily that I’m hoping you can do the same with whatever my mom hid at Candleshade.”

“But why the sudden hurry?” Ro asked.

“Because Elwin’s here now, and you’ll need him to leap you there, since I’m still not allowed out of this stupid bed.”

“You’re not,” Elwin agreed. “And by the way, neither of us are leaving until you take a sedative—and I want to see you down the whole dose.”

Keefe clutched his heart. “Elwin, Elwin, Elwin. After all we’ve been through, do you really not trust me?”

Elwin held out a round, clear vial. “Nope.”

Ro snickered.

“Fine.” Keefe reached for the elixir. If that’s what it took to get Ro to Candleshade, he’d deal with it.

“You really think your mom hid something important there?” Elwin asked as Keefe gulped down the sticky, sweet sedative.

“I hope so.”

Along with the lovely news that his recovery was still taking forever, Elwin had also let Keefe know that Sophie had apparently already gone to Nightfall, and that her family hadn’t been there.

Elwin didn’t have any other details—except that everyone was safe. But Keefe knew Sophie had to be panicking.

He needed to get her another lead to help track down the Neverseen.

“I’d have a way better chance of finding what you’re looking for,” Ro said, “if you let me smash the place.”

“Fine by me. Make as big of a mess as you want. And bonus points if you destroy my dad’s statue.”

“WOO HOO! Things just got interesting in elf land!”

Ro said something else, but Keefe didn’t catch it. His ears had started ringing, and his head had gotten way too spinny.

He sank into his pillow, feeling a hand gently squeeze his shoulder.

Then he was lost to his floaty dreams, most of which focused on the gold-flecked brown eyes he could never get out of his head.

+ DAY FOUR +

Plink! Plink! Plink!

Ro stomped into his room. “If you make that noise one more time I’m going to shove those pieces somewhere you’re really not going to like.”

“What, this noise?” Keefe asked, jingling the four weird bits of twisted silver and gold that Ro had brought him back from Candleshade.

He’d been trying to fit them together for hours.

In fact, he’d been ready to throw them across the room. But now that he knew the noise annoyed Ro . . .

“Sorry,” he told her. “I need to find out what these are, and since someone isn’t letting me get out of bed, it’s not like I have anything else to do.”

Plink! Plink! Plink! Plink! Plink!

Ro’s groan rattled the walls.

+ DAY FIVE +

“You are never going to figure that out!” Ro screamed as Keefe continued the plink-plink-plinking.

“You’re just mad because you couldn’t figure it out either,” Keefe shouted back.

She’d been so smug when she’d wrenched the pieces from his hands to give it a try that Keefe had laughed himself hoarse when she’d failed. And since then, he’d managed to fit three of the four pieces together. But the last piece was ridiculously stubborn.

Ro stalked into his doorway with a bottle of blue nail polish in one hand and half-painted claws on the other. “No, I’m mad because you’re only doing this to try to fix things with yourlittle girlfriend and it’s not going to work.”

Keefe jingled the pieces extra loud.

But after several seconds he had to ask, “Why isn’t it going to work?”

Ro snorted. “Wow, you really have it bad, don’t you? Nope, no need to deny it. It’s so obvious it’s actually adorable. Especially since she’s totally clueless about it. You know that, right?”

Keefe rolled his eyes.

And he was all set to argue—but for some reason “Yeah, I’m an Empath,” slipped out.

“Ohhhhh, that’s true. Wow, I didn’t even think about that.” Ro giggled as she crossed the room and sat beside him on the bed. “That must drive you crazy.”

“Pretty much,” Keefe mumbled.

It wasn’t even the worst part—but he managed to stop himself from bringing up that.

“You get why, though, right?” Ro asked, slicking blue paint across another claw. “Why your girl doesn’t get how much you liiiiiiiiiiike her?”

He sighed. “Because she grew up hearing every less-than awesome thought anyone ever had about her—even from her parents and sister and stuff. So now some part of her always assumes that everyone has those kinds of thoughts about her, even though she can’t hear them anymore.”

Ro blinked. “Okay, I was not expecting you to get all deep on me.”

Keefe shrugged. “It’s true.”

“Not saying it isn’t. Huh, I never thought about how brutal your elf-y abilities could be. Add it to the list of reasons I’m glad I’m not one of you. But that’s not what I was talking about.”

He had a feeling she was never going to let him live it down if he asked, but . . . “Okay, Miss Smarty Pants, what’s your theory for the Great Foster Oblivion?”

She held up her hand, blowing on her blue claws. “That’s your problem right there. You make everything a joke. It sends way too many mixed signals—especially for a girl with all that complicated stuff messing with her head.”

“Maybe. But Foster’s not ready for more than that—trust me.”

Once again, he stopped himself from cluing Ro into the whole square-that-was-now-a-triangle mess. But with how observant she seemed to be, she’d probably figure it out on her own soon enough.

“Well, all I’m saying is: If you’re looking to earn her forgiveness, ‘Here, Sophie, have this creepy thing from my mom’ isn’t going to do it. Especially if you parade in there like you just saved the day. She doesn’t need a hero. She needs a friend. So if you want to say you’re sorry, get her a real present.”

He really hated that she had a point.

And somehow he managed to stop himself from saying presents are Fitz’s thing. Instead, he admitted, “I don’t know what to give her.”

“Then maybe you should figure that out.”

Yeah, maybe he should.

“And don’t look at me,” she added as she sauntered for the door. “Unless you want weapon advice, I have no idea what makes you elves swoon. But please, for the love of all that’s breathing, don’t let it have sparkles!”

+ DAY SIX +

“I’ve got it!” Keefe shouted, raising his arm and pumping his fist—which didn’t hurt anymore. Even when he waved both arms around.

“You figured out what to buy for your little girlfriend?” Ro asked, peeking her head into his room.

“No. Well . . . kinda. But I was talking about this!” He held up a small gold-and-silver square. “I got the last piece to fit! I can even take it apart and put it back together. I know the trick now.”

“Okay, but . . . what is it?”

“I have no idea,” Keefe admitted.

Ro smirked. “Good thing you’re not trying to swoop in and save the day anymore, ’cause that’s definitely not going to do it.”

“Hey, this is still important,” Keefe argued. “My mom hid it for a reason.”

“I’m sure she did,” Ro agreed, twisting her nose ring. “But let’s hope your gift idea is more exciting.”

“It is. It’s going to take me a little while to make it—but it’ll seriously top every gift she’s been given before.”

His fingers were already itching to get started on it.

But first he needed to get out of that bed, so he was more than a little relieved when Elwin finally gave him the all clear during his evening checkup.

“I still want you to take tonight to rest, though,” Elwin warned. “You’re not off bed rest until the morning.”

“Be glad,” Ro told him after Elwin left. “Now you have some time to figure out how to make your girl forgive you.”

Keefe shrugged. “I already know.”

“Groveling?” Ro guessed.

“Oh, I’m sure there’ll be plenty of that.”

But afterward, he had a plan.

From that point on, he only had one goal: to be whatever Sophie needed.

Not the hero.

Not the one taking charge of everything.

Just a guy ready to listen and help and be there for her.

A friend.

Until she was ready for more.

#nightfall #b&n exclusive edition #kotlc deleted scene #kotlc deleted scenes

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grapecinnamon · 2 years

Text

I posted 247 times in 2021

100 posts created (40%)

147 posts reblogged (60%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.5 posts.

I added 462 tags in 2021

#ruff ruffman - 82 posts

#fwrr - 78 posts

#fetch with ruff ruffman - 78 posts

#fetch - 71 posts

#fetch! with ruff ruffman - 49 posts

#au - 28 posts

#fetch!-tober - 21 posts

#fanfiction - 20 posts

#fanfic - 19 posts

#fetch!-tober 2021 - 16 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#lol just screaming at ruff from the sidelines to do the right thing while writing him to do the wrong thing

My Top Posts in 2021

Hi, Ruff Ruffman here

Welcome to the literature club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love, like I did with Fetch! Now that you're a club member, you can help me make that dream come true in this cute au!

Everyday is full of chit-chat and fun activities with all of my adorable and unique club members:

Chet, the youthful bundle of sunshine who values happiness the most;

See the full post

16 notes • Posted 2021-07-10 01:29:00 GMT

I've had a hyperfixation on Mr. Peabody and Sherman for a while, but I stopped indulging in it because I was embarrassed about it, but now I recently started indulging again. I've been watching the netflix cartoon and I realized how much I love mpas so here's some sketches.

See the full post

17 notes • Posted 2021-10-20 02:49:17 GMT

Hey Guys! Are y'all ready for another AU?

You like Fetch! with Ruff Ruffman? You like Sam and Max? No? Well, too bad. And if you do, that's great! Introducing Ruff and Chet: Freelance Police

@hi-im-greenjunipertree sort of helped me on this. They brought up how Ruff's spy outfit in Spyhounds looks similar to Sam's outfit. I sort of combined them, using Sam's design and Ruff's colors. Since Chet is supposed to be Max, I gave him Max's mouth, which kinda looks blursed.

See the full post

22 notes • Posted 2021-08-28 05:10:52 GMT

More Fetch au/fanfic ideas I may or may not make a thing (not making promises but it's a nice thought)

An au where instead of a game show, Fetch is a cult (ok that went 0 to 100 real quick)

A crossover au between fetch and deltarune, or Fetcherrune (inspired by the Fetchertale au)

An au where instead of a game show, Fetch is a daycare (ok this is a really cute idea, I might do this one)

A crossover fanfic between Fetch and Animaniacs

A fanfic where Blossom's cousin (new oc time) Marcus comes to town and lives with Ruff and Blossom in the dog house for a while. Hilarity and Ruff being racist ensues (i've actually had this idea in my head for a long time).

Another Two Gay Dogs story where Ruff tries to go see his fiance Mason at his house, but a thunderstorm suddenly comes in and Ruff has to stay in his house, afraid for Mason (and of the thunder) while Blossom has to comfort him

This will be updated in the future, I think

25 notes • Posted 2021-11-08 01:41:42 GMT

Random Ruff Ruffman Head cannons (because why not)

-Ruff is a mutt and there’s a chance he’s part pitbull

-Ruff is neutered

-Glen got Ruff into Pokemon. They both seem like the kind of people (dogs) who would be into Pokemon

-Ruff has verbal autism

-The reason loves Chinese food and sushi so much is because his person probably fed it to him once

-When Ruff pitched his idea for Fetch to pbs kids and met them in person, they probably thought he was a furry (this one might actually be cannon)

-Ruff is aware that he's not as popular as certain pbs kids shows. He can't compete with shows like Sesame Street, Arthur, etc. He almost never hears about people talking about him, but when they do, it fills his heart with joy.

-Ruff is secretly gay. Think about it, people are more accepting of gay people now than they were in 2005 (which is when Ruff would’ve pitched his vision, since the episodes first started airing in 2006). He kept it as a secret from the public so people would be more likely to watch his show, and to prove it to people, he pretended to have a big crush on a poodle named Charlene. You never see Charlene in the show, so she either doesn’t exist, or she doesn’t know Ruff too well.

-Ruff looks at posts about him on social media and gets really happy when he sees posts about himself. But there's something about it that bothers him, and it's really small: whenever people talk about their favorite episode being the "haunted house episode," they never specify which one (because there's two), so whenever Ruff sees posts like that, he gets angry cause no one specifies which haunted house episode they like

-Ruff saw rule 34 of himself (and no, he wasn’t happy about it)

26 notes • Posted 2021-06-11 18:58:44 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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thessalian · 3 years

Text

Thess vs Changing the Rules

Some UK news hilarity of the “You have to laugh or else you start screaming and never stop, at least if you have to fucking live here” variety:

So, “Freedom Day” (yes, government is calling it this) is coming up on Monday. This being when all the COVID restrictions are being lifted in this godsforsaken country. This at the same time when we have one of the highest, if not the highest number of new cases globally, largely due to the Delta variant (which people here are calling the Johnson variant because it’s our Prime Minister’s stupid fault it got here in the first place). Johnson is stating that masks and social distancing would henceforth be a matter of “personal responsibility” and that he’s “sure people will do the right thing”.

(Side note: Transport for London intends on still enforcing masks in its buses and Tube trains, but Overground trains aren’t following the same restrictions and without legal backing, TfL is expecting a serious fight over this. Also, the shops that are also asking for masks after Freedom Day? Same thing. They know that they’re going to get a whole bunch of people shouting about “PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY!” and “IT’S MY CHOICE NOW!” and that kind of shit. So from Monday, it’s going to be a fucking nightmare for the poor sods.)

Now we get to the funny part. See, we have a new Minister for Health: Sajid Javid, who took over after our last one, Matt Hancock, got sacked recently - effectively for violating COVID social distancing rules but given that this took the form of him being caught on video with his tongue down the throat of (and his hand on the ass of) one of his aides, the very married Health Minister was probably thrown under the bus earlier than Johnson wanted to. But that’s a little beside the point.

Anyway, Javid tested positive for COVID on Saturday. He’s milidly symptomatic (and if he wasn’t double-vaccinated, I will eat my favourite coffee mug, so that says some things about what the Delta variant does in a fully vaccinated patient, yay). This immediately after a meeting with Rishi Sunak, our Finance Minister ... and the Prime Minister himself, Mr Boris Johnson.

According to rules that will still be in effect even after ‘Freedom Day’, Sunak and Johnson are both supposed to self-isolate for ten days.

Johnson said he and Sunak had no intention of doing so, stating that they were part of a “pilot scheme” to take lateral flow tests instead of self-isolating.

Consider that in the face of not only his statement about “personal responsibility”, but the “one rule for the plebs and one rule for the ‘ruling class’“ bullshit that started with Dominic Cummings and his trip to his elderly relatives and the “drove to Barnard Castle to test his eyesight” thing when he had COVID (and when the vaccine wasn’t even a twinkle in anyone’s eye yet). People. Were. Piiiiiiiiiissed.

Immediate U-turn. Johnson and Sunak are now self-isolating. Good. Fine. Johnson can feel shame.

Except maybe not, because now he’s trying to cover his arse with, “Oh, I was only considering not isolating because of the pilot scheme, but that was never really my intention”. Except that every news outlet in the country was briefed that it wasn’t “under consideration” but his actual stated intent. I know he’s counting on ‘the plebs’ not having significant memory capacity but most people can remember what he said literally yesterday.

This is the country that I have to live in. Less than 60% of people have had both vaccinations in this country; single vaccinations - just under 70% so far. Uptake’s plummeting (I like to hope that’s because people are already vaccinated but I can’t say for sure given the number of people who’ve had them or not) ... oh gods, and looking at the numbers across the country? The lowest uptake so far is fucking London, with on average 40% of people with both doses and maybe 55% with the first. And we have the highest population density in the country. Does no one else see a problem with this?

Tomorrow will mark the start of something messy in this country, and our Prime Minister wants to put the upcoming mess onto the shoulders of the populace because he lacks the political fortitude to do anything but lie, lie, cheat, lie, lean on three-word “feel-good” slogans, and lie some more. Holy. Fucking. Fuck.

Worst part is I have to start leaving the house properly come Wednesay. At least there’ll be a couple of days for things to settle down before I do, and I won’t be travelling at peak commuter hours anymore. I’m also grateful that, after the constant fight that everyone had with my workplace ot make working from home possible, my stubborn insistence on leaving that option on the table because of my fibromyalgia means that I’ll be able to actually do so soon enough. I am not a person who needs an office, and I sure as hell don’t need a three-hour commute.

#Thess on COVID

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ashestoashesjc · 4 years

Text

A Necromancer & His Zombie Boyfriend On A Couple's Retreat

Short Story 1/2/(3)/4/5/6/7/8/9/10

"RrRRrrrr... grrr? <Hey, uh, babe... seen my arm anywhere?>" rang Sett's voice throughout their cigar box of a house as he rummaged through closets, opened cabinets, overturned couch cushions.

Shutting and latching the front door behind him, Ulrick began flipping through the stack of envelopes clutched in his right hand. "Huh? Oh…”

“Okay, so… don’t get mad,” Ulrick began, as meekly and guilt-tinged as one can make a shout. “But... there was this huge, I mean HUGE silverfish…”

“GRrrr! Rrrrr. <Dude! Not cool,>” could be heard as Sett stomped his way to the foyer.

“I know! I’m sorry! I’m weak!” moaned Ulrick.

Sett sighed as he entered the cove and laid his single remaining hand on Ulrick’s left shoulder, the other sleeve draped flaccidly at his side. “Grrrr. <Well, yeah.>” he said. Ulrick snickered.

“You know, having your boyfriend kill a bug for you is exceedingly normal,” Ulrick said, separating the bills from the letters that weren’t bills. There were very few that weren’t bills. “Almost conventional.”

“Rrr. <True,>” Sett replied. “Rggrrrr. <Probably while the arm’s still attached, though.>”

“A mere quibble.”

“Rrrrgrrr? <So, where is it now?>” Sett asked.

“Ugh. Still getting cozy with the silverfish, I’d imagine,” Ulrick admitted, guilt creeping back into his voice. He covered his eyes with his free hand and shuddered. “In… the shower.”

Sett sucked air through his teeth in a compassion-filled cringe.

“Yeah,” Ulrick sighed, resigned to his trauma.

“Grrrr. <Don’t worry,>” said Sett. “Rraarr. <I got it.>”

Ulrick slid his hand down his face with a grateful groan. “God, I love you.” Sett pulled him forward by his collar and pecked his forehead.

Continuing to sort through the mail, Ulrick came to a red envelope and, seeing it addressed to Sett, handed it over. “Looks important.”

Confusion clouded Sett’s eyes for the first few, slow moments spent undoing the envelope’s seal flap, until suddenly, a surge of realization like lightning drove him to violently tear the crimson paper away.

As he scanned the contents of the letter contained within, words failing to do his emotional state justice, Sett began to fist pump wildly, God help anyone in the flight path of his singular elbow. Ulrick looked on in entranced bewilderment.

“Was there itching powder in that envelope?” asked Ulrick.

Sett shoved the creased letter in Ulrick’s face, his manic energy not yet dissipated. Ulrick took it and held it out at arm’s length until his eyes brought the words into focus.

“A couple’s retreat?” he wondered aloud, lowering the paper enough to peer over the top at Sett.

“Grrgrrrr. <An all-expenses paid couple’s retreat.> Rrrrrr. <At a swanky resort.> GrrrrRr. <Complete with water skis.>”

“This is from a contest?” he asked, rotating and inspecting the sheet. “When did we enter a contest?”

“Rrggrrrr? <You know those entry slips we’re getting in the post all the time?>”

“The ones I’m always throwing away? I’m familiar.”

“RrrRrrrrr ggrrrr. <Well, your aim could use some work, because some of them wind up in the mailbox,>” said Sett, with a shrug.

The sound that next filled the room, colored with exasperated mirth, was one Sett was used to Ulrick making, though one that never stopped bringing a flush of heat to the place where his heart used to be.

He grabbed Ulrick by the hips and the two began to sway back and forth. “Rrrrrr. <Just imagine it,>” he purred dreamily. “GrrrRRrrrr rrrrRrrr grrr...arrrr? <Massages, rock-climbing, a luau. And… did I mention waterskiing?>”

Swaying still, Ulrick looked up with his head cocked. "I've... never heard you mention waterskiing before."

"GrrRrrrrrr. <I enjoy a lot of things I don't talk about.> Rgrrrrgrrr. <Like country music, or bad chick lit,>" Sett said before twirling and dipping Ulrick in a blur. "Rraarrrr. <I'm a multi-layered zombie.>"

Breaking clumsily away from the songless dance and squeezing the bridge of his nose, Ulrick set down the remainder of the mail on the side table by the entrance and looked his boyfriend over. “It’s totally free?”

“Grrarrr. <It’s totally free,>” confirmed Sett.

Ulrick raised an eyebrow. “No catch?”

“Rrr… <Well…>”

“And streeetch! That’s right! Streeetch!”

At the front of Meadow Grove Resort’s famed yoga studio balanced - one foot planted on the ground, the other hooked deftly behind her neck - Chrysanthemum Smith, a remarkably limber 60-year-old instructor, urging her out-of-shape contest winning students to achieve the same feats of flexibility.

All around Ulrick and Sett, a pretzel factory’s soon-to-be-discarded collection of heinous, gnarly undesirables had been given life in the form of sweaty middle Americans.

That pretzels went through a less agonizing process being baked at 500 degrees was a fact Ulrick was both confident in and envious of. His legs were angled in a way he was sure he’d feel for weeks to come.

Sett, on the other hand, had apparently been a contortionist in a past life, the way he bent himself into poses, well, a pretzel would gawk at, holding each position stoically before moving gracefully on to the next. It also helped that he couldn’t feel what would leave most tendons shredded rags.

Ulrick gave up the pursuit of dislocating his pelvis and instead went to poke Sett in the cheek. Through his mask, Sett made a chomping motion at the finger, though remained otherwise totally still. "Okay, but this kind of bites, right?" Ulrick signed.

"A little. And not in the fun way," Sett signed back.

On a pair of blue, rubber mats to their left were two women - one in a biker's jacket and tattered, patched jeans, short red hair tied into a haphazard ponytail; the other a dark woman donning a shaved head, flower-patterned maxi dress, and combat boots - the former of whom suddenly grabbed Ulrick's attention with a nod.

"You're telling me," she signed.

And in an instant, they were no longer alone in the hazy, secluded sphere that made their reality.

So taken aback was he that he blurted aloud, "You sign?"

The yoga instructor shushed him from her place at the head of the wide room, leading him to duck down sheepishly. With the forced inclusion of an overly casual air, he said more than asked, "You sign."

"Oh, yeah," the woman chuckled gruffly. "Mom's Deaf."

Taking a sudden interest in the conversation, Sett's head swiveled to the leather jacket-clad woman. "Shit yeah!" he signed with fervor, eliciting a harsh snort from the woman. The instructor's head whipped around to glare her way, but went ignored.

Sett's hands jumbled for a moment before he continued. "I mean, I'm sure that must have been very difficult for your family and--"

She gave a dismissive wave of the hand. "Nah, don't worry about it. She's capital 'D' Deaf. A congenital thing. Whole family's been signing forever."

Her wife - Jen, they later learned - chimed in with, "Di does it at home, too. She's taught me half the lyrics to Boys for Pele."

"Wow!" Ulrick said with teeth-clenching enthusiasm. "That's so great! Isn't that so great, Sett?"

The mask did nothing to conceal Sett's raised, beaming features. "That's so great!" he signed.

"I'm sorry!" bellowed the lithe yogi, shattering all delusions of serenity. "Am I boring you?"

Several overlapping voices came to the general consensus of "Christ, yes."

One of the husbands, portly and somewhat resembling the famously affable capybara, asked, somewhat less affably, why they were being stretched into taffy when they should be outside taking one-on-one lessons with the beach volleyball instructor. He was joined by a few surly “yeah!”s.

They were met with an unimpressed crossing of the arms. Though it should be noted Smith’s foot was still being held comfortably behind her head.

"I would suggest, in the future, that you more closely scrutinize contest entries," Yogi Smith advised in as calm a manner as it seemed she could now manage, though with an unmistakable edge to her voice. "In order to partake in our facility’s more... physically involved activities, you’ll first need to align and cleanse your mental, emotional, and spiritual energies.”

This provoked a studio-wide groan, with the exclusion of Jen, who seemed just eager enough to cancel out the cloud of grim impatience encircling her.

“Unless, of course,” Smith said, shifting poses to something favoring the letter ‘G’, “you’d prefer to construct your own schedules. In which case, a full price admission to Meadow Grove Resort remains available.”

She sleekly extended her right leg, pointing its foot pin-straight toward the sliding studio doors. “Don’t, as the masters of yore were wont to say, let the door hit ya.”

When no one moved and the room went quiet enough to hear an acupuncture needle drop, Smith resumed a standing position and bowed three times to each division of the studio. “Namaste. Namaste. Namaste.”

Chrysanthemum Smith had in no way undersold how ‘aligned and cleansed’ couple’s therapy and its airings of dirty laundry and subsequent ferocious dissolutions of decades of marriage; couple’s pottery, the same thing but with clay vases; and couple’s finger-painting, a bonding exercise in shared humiliation, would make their minds, emotions, and souls through sheer gut-rending hilarity.

Ulrick almost didn’t want to stop watching people who, hours ago, seemed all confidence and bravado, now being brought to tears by an instructor’s criticism of their macaroni art lacking ‘depth.’

But their confinement was over and they were free to roam the grounds as they saw fit and Sett, without even feigning to look for a map of the resort, made a beeline for the largest body of water (and the largest gathering of humans) he could sniff. Ulrick was still surprised at times by how agile Sett could be on his feet when on the hunt for blood - or recreational watersports - and struggled to keep up.

Their long-awaited waterskiing adventure began almost as soon as they arrived at the lakeside, the instructor needing a volunteer at that instant to man the skis while he lectured another guest on the controls of the boat. At nearly a head taller than anyone else present, Sett didn’t need much more than a raised hand to stand out.

Things were going great; Sett mounted on skis as long as he was tall, the boat revving greedily for take off. At Sett’s thumbs up, the runabout hammered off in a thunderous roar. And then, all at once, things were going wrong.

The envisioned majesty of skimming the motionless calm of the crystal river was halted abruptly with a leaden Sett stumbling mid-lake in his skis, trying and failing to correct himself, going feet-over-head, and sinking like an anchor to the agitated silt of the riverbed below.

Ulrick, though he jumped with concern at the first hint of a misstep, expected a brief swim back, perhaps slowed a bit - but not much - by Sett's stoney limbs. He’d been the star diver of his local swimming hole as a teen and still maintained some of the underwater dexterity, though nowadays tended to lurk the floors of bodies of water like a carnivorous bottom-feeder; eating habits included.

But then a few minutes passed, and nothing. A lifeguard and two of the more experienced swimmers among the guests plunged into the river and searched for fifteen minutes, cracking the surface now and again for a gulp of air, all to no avail. The water was too cloudy with sediment to see past a certain depth, and the orange-purples of dusk were beginning to settle in. They'd need to return in the morning with a diving team.

It'd now been forty-five minutes, and three of the resort’s other guests were consoling Ulrick, one herself on the verge of waterworks. They'd just witnessed a man - someone's significant other - torn tragically from life's teat, and in front of the man he loved, no less.

Ulrick, for his part, was positively miffed.

"When I get my hands on him..." Ulrick started, before one of the grievers tossed him a teary-eyed questioning look. "Er, that is... would that I could only put my hands on him... again..." he corrected.

Just as Ulrick had begun mentally reviewing the basics of the Arts of Throttling, a movement, barely noticeable, shook the surface of the lake. Then bubbles, then the full break of the water as a head rose into view. Then the screams of onlookers as, in the fading light, a ghastly lake monster began its murderous approach. Then screams of a different kind as people began to make the connection proper. Then there was weeping, fainting, more than one declaration of faith renewed. It was a miracle!

Later, after insistences for medical attention were politely but firmly refused and the religious stragglers begging for just a smell of Sett’s waterlogged clothes were shooed away, Ulrick asked why he waited so long to resurface, to which Sett said, "GrrrrRRrr. <Well, at first I was just sort of embarrassed.> RrrrrrrGrrrRrrr? <Then I thought, "How often do these people see miracles?>"

"Oh, sure," groaned Ulrick. "A man comes out of a lake after half an hour and it's a miracle. A man comes out of a grave after a few months and it's "Grab the torches and pitchforks, everyone!""

"Rrrr. <Babe.>"

Ulrick gave a pouty grumble. "I'm just saying. One's a little more miraculous, is all."

Sett pulled Ulrick's head into his chest and stroked his hair. "GrrrRrrrRrrr. <Shh, I know, dude, I know.>" His heavy, soaked clothes and lack of body heat didn't chill Ulrick as much as they should have, and though a fine coating of sand covering him from head to toe gritted against Ulrick's cheek, it only made Ulrick rub his face in rebelliously.

"Okay," Ulrick said, resting his fists on Sett's chest and gazing up into his eyes. "What's the next activity? I think we’re... due-au for a luau?" The moment the words left his lips, his face collapsed into disgusted regret.

“Rgrrr... <Actually…>” Sett said, wrenching off his mask and shaking the excess water from his hair, teasing a blush out of Ulrick. “GgrrrRrrrr? <Doesn’t watching the stars by the lake sound pretty relaxing?>”

Ulrick grinned and took a seat on the shoreline, running his hands through the tufts of ryegrass stretching out in waves around him. He tapped a spot to his right and Sett, half-cocked smile in tow, came lumbering over to take it.

Hours flurried past, changing nothing about the image of the intimately silent pair but the number of stark white pinpricks in the sky they beheld.

They threatened to sit silently basking in each other forever.

And then Sett said, “GRrrrrgrrr, rrgrrr, graargrr. <So, Diane and Jen gave me their number, and they want to plan an outing.>”

Unease shot through Ulrick’s veins, but he held his tongue in search of the correct words. “O-oh?”

“Grrr? Rrgrrrrr. <Isn’t that cool? People want to spend time with us,>” said Sett, ensorcelled with the twinkle of every new star. “Rrrrr. <With me.>”

“That might be…” began Ulrick, before noticing the glimmer in Sett’s eyes and faint lift at the corners of his mouth as he stared up towards a great unknown. He sighed. “It’s going to be great.”

Sett rested his hand on Ulrick’s, their fingers interlocking. He smiled, and the two gazed into an ever-darkening firmament, speckled with a thousand stars and a thousand futures.

#A Necromancer & His Zombie Boyfriend #short stories #supernatural #mlm #wlw #queer #series #A Necromance #original #fiction

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fly-pow-bye · 3 years

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DuckTales 2017 - The Absolute Best!

After doing the least best this series has done, it's time for a much, much harder list to put together: the absolute best episodes of DuckTales 2017. I am not going to lie: this was hard to put together. Anyone could guess that based on how I once planned to have this list alongside the worst list and that did not happen. I can also see myself forgetting about other really good episodes of this show. However, after days of pondering, I believe I have a good list here.

Same rules as the last list.

It has to be an episode of DuckTales 2017. No shorts, even if the shorts combined can make up a full episode.

With this list, I have to say something bad about each of these episodes. Not necessarily the worst part of the episode, but a bad part nonetheless. These are going to be more nitpicky, but it is only fair to prove the constant that there is no such thing as a perfect piece of media and it is a decent challenge for me.

This is my opinion and my opinion alone. There are episodes I didn't like as much that a lot of people did. The last list should be a huge hint at that.

Alright, let's begin.

10. Jaw$!

I mentioned this episode in my Least Best as the better example of the show establishing the relationship between Lena and Magica De Spell. It establishes Magica De Spell better than either of the episodes that featured her before this one. One was a tease put in the very last minute of the episode to show how Lena is going to be far more important than the "cool new goth girl", and the other was the Terra-Firmians episode that used her as a way to improve what would otherwise be a not-so-good filler episode. This one is a far better example, and it's not just because a money-shark is a lot more interesting and threatening than a bunch of cutesy rock creatures.

It also has a B-plot about Scrooge's Board of Directors scheduling an interview to improve his PR, and hilarity ensues when Scrooge has to defend his zillionaire antics when a shark made of his own fortune is causing havoc throughout the town. Glomgold also makes an appearance during this, which only makes it better. Along with some neat Jaws references along the way, this is not an episode to miss.

Bad thing: They really did not want to mention the obvious plot hole of the kids being able to go into the money bin. This was long before F.O.W.L. began their plans against Scrooge or even the 87 cent problem, but still, one would think this would be one of the most highly secure places at Killmotor Hill considering all of his enemies. Considering I didn't particularly love the Impossibin episode, as much as I love the idea of it, it might be for the best.

9. The First Adventure!

Going from an arc from season 1 to an arc from season 3, though some may argue the F.O.W.L. arc has been happening since season 1. Anyway, this is an episode that brings back the younger Donald and younger Della that was first seen in "Last Christmas!" in their first adventure with their Uncle Scrooge. It's very interesting to see the similarities between their first adventure with Scrooge and the first adventure with Huey, Dewey, and Louie.

Even though this does give good development to the arc, arguably even bigger characters in this episode are Bradford Buzzard and Black Heron, as this episode details the origins of the Fiendish Organization of World Larceny. Their antics throughout this episode are very entertaining, with the plot toying with the dynamic of the more chaotic evil Heron and the more lawful evil Buzzard. With all it all ties together, I had to put the First Adventure on this list.

Bad thing: The sense of time in this episode is odd. We get a title card showing that it's the 60's in the opening scene, and yet there is very little suggestion of any passing of time between the opening scene and the scenes that I assumed took place in the 80's.

8. Quack Pack!

It would be too easy to just put in episodes that are important to any of the various story arcs that went throughout this series, so here's an episode that could be taken out of the series without harming anything. However, it is still a very memorable episode of the show, where the cast of characters have to be in this weird sitcom. There's also a mystery element, as there is a culprit to why these characters are in this sitcom world.

I really like the whole meta element, with the characters picking apart all not only the clichés in sitcoms, but sitcom production as well. I also really appreciated the "special guest", another sitcom staple, being a character from a different Disney Afternoon show with some great references to it. Quack Pack turns out to be the antithesis of the show it was named after; it's not dated, it's really funny, and it realistically portrays how freaked out these characters would be if they saw those weird hairless apes.

Bad thing: I wish they did more with the concept of this world being made up by someone who was locked away from the world since 1990. Maybe not references to the era of Disney that gave us "Gotta Be Gettin' Goofy", but more jokes about how the 90's were different from now. They kind of ignore this, as if they only mentioned 1990 because of the DuckTales movie they were referencing.

7. Last Christmas!

Wait, a Christmas episode in a Top 10? I have my reasons for including this one. It's not just because the idea is pretty great, as it uses the very tale that inspired Scrooge's entire character in the first place. Obviously, we already had one of the best cartoon renditions of A Christmas Carol, and this episode does not try to recreate that. Instead, we get a different tale, mostly featuring Scrooge and Jiminy Cricket, er, the ghost of Christmas Past, going back to the past to experience a good Christmas party. If only we can do the same, like Dewey accidentally does in the episode.

This was also the first time we also got to see a young version of Donald, who, in this episode, is voiced by none other than the late, great Russi Taylor. It was almost like having one of the siblings from the old show interact with one of the new ones. This is also the first time we got to see and hear her outside of a painting, and it's heartbreaking and yet understandable when we get to the scene where Dewey has to say goodbye. It's a good scene, and they weren't afraid to even throw in a joke that does not ruin the moment.

Bad thing: No, episode, this is the Scrooge they were looking for. Were they trying to make it seem like Scrooge was always a hero and not a miser who would deserve getting three ghosts to visit him with that line? I don’t buy it.

6. The Ballad of Duke Baloney!

Got to pay some respect to Scrooge's arch-rival with an episode that really shows off his character, which is a bit ironic as this is an episode about him getting amnesia and getting a brand new, at least to us, persona named Duke Baloney. Amnesia episodes tend to be a dime-a-dozen, and anyone could predict this new persona is not going to last, but the way this episode develops is actually much more interesting. This is the episode for Glomgold character development, with dream sequences, flashbacks, and a great scene in the ending that takes place in a storm that he may or may not have made up in his head. I may not have given a lot of his episodes high-rated reviews, but this is easily not only one of his best appearances, but one of the best episodes of DuckTales 2017.

Bad thing: The dream sequence really subtly implies that Duke Baloney is about to become Glomgold again. How? By having him outright say "this gold, it's GLOOMING onto me!" ...okay, I'll admit, that was a stretch for a bad thing, but with a dream sequence with subtleties, that took me out of it.

5. The Last Crash of the Sunchaser!

I called this episode "the best episode of the series so far" when I reviewed it, a pretty late episode in a season with lots of good episodes, I would say that's a good sign that this one was going to be a shoo-in for at least the Top 10. What I love most about this episode is that it gives a little more humanity to the legendary Scrooge McDuck. Sure, this was shown a bit in "Woo-oo!" and "Mount Never-Rest!", but I felt this episodes was one of the best examples of that. Throughout this episode, he sees himself as this legendary figure, as everyone sees him, and he ends up failing to live up to those impossible standards by crashing in a plane in a way where they may not survive.

Much like Quack Pack, there's no traditional villain like Glomgold or Magica. Eventually, this leads to Scrooge finally bringing up his biggest failure: his loss of the Spear of Selene and a certain relative that was piloting it, and it is one of the biggest emotional moments of the series, both in and out of universe. It's one of the most important episodes in the series, and it is also one of the best.

Bad thing: The Last Crash of the Sunchaser is a neat title, but it doesn't really fit the episode. The Sunchaser will certainly crash again. At most, maybe it could be referring to Scrooge crashing down to the lowest point he gets to in the series, but that's not the Sunchaser's fault.

4. Moonvasion!

My big hot take: the season 2 finale, the best of the season finales in my opinion, is not the best episode of the series. However, it is very close. It's actually kind of funny; I had plenty of criticism against the build-up to his finale, especially the Louie Inc. plot that led to an episode that was just kind of lackluster to me, and of all the, some alien commander from the Moon who thinks the Earth revolved around his "planet" wasn't exactly as threatening as an all powerful witch or the scheming businessman who knew Scrooge's every move. Okay, when I put it like that, the alien does sound more threatening, but trust me, even Bradford had his moments.

The biggest thing about this episode is the sheer scale of it. It really did feel like every major player in the series had a part in this, from Scrooge and the nephews, to Dijon and Amunet, to the new Darkwing Duck, to Donald and Della, to even the Greek pantheon! Oh, and Glomgold, too, in what may be his finest moment in the series! It really does feel like a finale for the series, and I say this even if I felt The Last Adventure was a great one as well.

Bad thing: In hindsight, this would have been a good time for the Terries and Fermies to come back. They're in the earth! That episode wasn't bad because of them.

3. Let's Get Dangerous!

I'll tell you a secret: I did not watch Darkwing Duck as a kid. It was just DuckTales '87, and even then, I did not remember a lot of episodes of that. This show was made for people who did not grow up with DuckTales '87, because they were not even alive. Though there are parts of this episode that can be appreciated by those who were familiar with the heroes of the Disney Afternoon, I will still say this episode works very well as its own superhero movie. That is what it is, really!

This special is the true continuation of another episode, though we saw this defictionalized-within-the-fiction Darkwing Duck in the Moonvasion, and it may as well be a pilot for a Darkwing Duck reboot that spins off from this show, with its villains, its origin stories, its sidekicks, and its memorable catchphrases. It all works very well. Who knows where the new Darkwing Duck reboot will go, though I would at least imagine that they would eventually get to certain Darkwing-related plot threads that never got resolved.

Bad thing: Outside of using a few cliche moments to extend the episode that end rather predictably, in the attempt to make Darkwing Duck as cool as he wants to be, the regular cast essentially become jobbers in their own show.

2. What Ever Happened To Della Duck?!

It's the question everyone wanted to know ever since Dewey said the last line in the first episode: what ever happened to Della Duck? This is one of the more artsy episodes of the show, focusing on one duck on what she assumes is a barren moon until she finds a monster that seems to do nothing but impede on her quest to get someone to save her. It does heavily expand from there, to the point where we get to see some more new characters, one who I thought was going to be way more important than the other. I decided to call that guy "General Not Penumbra", and that name could still be fitting as an insult.

This episode would be made or broken by how good Della is, and this is a very good episode for her first voiced debut as an adult. We did get to see her in the IDW comics, but this episode is where her character is developed. Throughout the episode, she has elements of her kids and especially her brother Donald. While there are future episodes that develop her further as a mother who wants to make up for all of those years she missed, one of the biggest defining moments is right in this episode, where she sings a version of the Capcom game's famous moon theme. An amazing episode all around.

Bad thing: Do I have to? Uh, flares do not work on the Moon? No, seriously, I can't think of anything worse than that.

Honorable mentions from each season:

The Shadow War! - An excellent way to end Season 1 that would only be topped by the Moonvasion.

Nightmare on Killmotor Hill! - A dream episode that really works with the concept, especially how Lena is the one involved with it.

Double-O-Duck in You Only Crash Twice! - This is an action packed episode where Launchpad really shines.

And now, #1:

1. The Duck Knight Returns!

Yes, I decided to put the prequel episode to Let's Get Dangerous as higher than the big Darkwing Duck episode, and part of this may be a little bias on my part. While it was not the very original intention of it, Fly Pow Bye started as a project to review a reboot, so of course an episode about Darkwing Duck, a fictional show within the fiction, getting a dark and gritty reboot would be right up my alley. We have Launchpad, a Darkwing Duck superfan, reacting to how they're going to ruin Darkwing Duck. We got the conflict between what the big studio execs wanted Darkwing Duck to be and Dewey's version of it. Finally, we have the conflict between Jim Starling, an obvious reference to original Darkwing Duck voice actor Jim Cummings who is even voiced by him, and his replacement, who appears to be some guy named Drake Mallard.

A lot of these plots converge in very interesting ways, with plenty of twists. Drake Mallard, the guy Launchpad was trying to replace with the original, turns out to be very worthy of the role by also being a superfan! Dewey's version has dancers, just like that Batdance music video! Okay, maybe that last one isn't that great, but it does not overstay its welcome. And, of course, Jim Starling ends up causing a huge cliffhanger that, despite the show being over, we will still be hanging from. We can only wonder what was going to come next, but I do not have to wonder what the best episode of DuckTales 2017 is.

Bad thing: I can't really think of a bad thing for this episode, but I can say that it is odd that there's no real transition from "TV character" to "real hero". It does help that it's not the TV actor that ends up becoming Darkwing, but "fanboy of TV character turning into a real hero" is just as much of a leap, even with an incompetent hero like Darkwing. I would also consider the show never following up on this episode's cliffhanger a bad thing, but that's not this episode's fault.

How does the whole show stack up?

It is an excellent modern take on the Disney Ducks. Opinions may vary on how this will compare with the original, since it is very much a modern take, with a different style of humor than the one from the original or the one in the original comics. Anyone who loves shows like Gravity Falls will be right at home here. Any fan of the original comics or the original cartoon may balk at some of the creative decisions made with the characters, but I would say it pays some good respect to them.

Oh, and before anyone asks, no, I am not going to give a rating for the whole series. I've already imposed a 10 image limit on myself, and since I grade on a relative scale, the average is always, in theory, going to be in the middle. It's a good show, that's what you're going to get from me.

And that's it for DuckTales 2017. Hurrah for Disney and Clan McDuck. Bye.

← The Least Best! 🦆 n/a →

#fpb dt 2017 #ducktales 2017 #fpb reviews #ducktales #disney

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elliebartlets · 3 years

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TWW REWATCH: The Short List (1.09)

• I’m already in a better mood seeing CJ and Josh do that crazy dance while on the phone

• ah is this when Josh’s ceiling falls in on him?

• “we da men!” oh god

“this is just gross.” I agree donna

• see Josh calls Mandy Madeline in another episode but Toby just called her Amanda? So what is her name? Madelanda? Amandaline?

• “CJ, if the name of this nominee is leaked out before I want it to be leaked out, I’m gonna blame you and you’re gonna find that unpleasant.”

“I gotta tell you something Toby, you’re hot when you’re like this.”

• *doesn’t want the name of the nominee to be leaked*

*proceeds to talk loudly about said nominee in the hallway, where any staff member could hear and leak it*

• “You know what we’re finally gonna have?”

“A waspy old man on the Supreme Court?”

• “When it doesn’t work out you end up drunk in my apartment in the middle of the night and you yell at my roommate’s cats”

I would love to see Josh do that.

• “I wanted a Democrat. But instead I got you.”

Damn that’s cold

• Josh is so dramatic

“Inches from my head.”

“I could be dead you know.”

• oh no this is the start of the investigation into drugs in the White House aka attack on Leo

• “You should be nice to be I could be dead you know.”

“I don’t have that kind of luck.”

• “One in five staffers. I’d like to say to the 1.6 of you who are stoned right now it’s time to share.”

• “Nobody saw this coming?!”

“Yeah I can’t believe my psychic didn’t tell me, Toby.

aksldjsjs I love that line

• “CJ likes goldfish.”

Oh my god that’s this episode!! I love Danny’s face he’s like 😳😧 what?!

• Allison Janney’s laugh is marvelous

• although I feel bad when she laughs in his face

• “The crackers, Danny.”

• “In the 20s and 30s it was the role of government. 50s and 60s it was civil rights. The next two decades are gonna be privacy. I’m talking about the internet. I’m talking about cell phones. I’m talking about health records and who’s gay and who’s not.”

This quote is just so dead on. Also these two decades Sam’s talking about are over so that’s kinda crazy

• I forgot Charlie knew Harrison from a club he caddied at. There’s another guy that Charlie knew from the club (I’m assuming it’s the same club Harrison was part of) that’s part of a later episode and then confused on my rewatches.

• I love how they’re all standing outside the oval waiting for Mendoza to come out. like yeah it’s touching but it’s also hilarous because they just completely abandon their work lol

#the west wing #rewatching the west wing #tww #the short list

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latveriansnailmail · 3 years

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Favorite Movies as of 2021

Subject to updating because surely I’ve missed a few. This is not supposed to be a list of meritorious films but rather just a list of movies I genuinely enjoy. It runs from Shakespeare to Bill & Ted with heavy doses of 80s fantasy, superhero schlock, and pretty much anything with Kurt Russell in it. Enjoy.

1- Harvey No contest, my favorite of all time.

2- Big Trouble in Little China It’s always a great joy to introduce a new viewer to this film.

3- Flash Gordon (1980) In which they totally lean into the camp and low budget.

4- The Thing I watch this annually upon the first major snowfall.

5- Titus (Taymor) One winter break Titus would be on one of the movie channels each day when I woke up, so I watched it daily for a month and it didn’t get old.

6- Death to Smoochy “Are you alright?” “I’m a little fucked up in general so it’s hard to gauge.”

7- Blade Runner (The Final Cut) So there’s this dude Deckard and he hunts robots but it turns out HE’S a robot, oh so very clever, little film

8- Tombstone I recently learned that Kurt Russell directed this film in all but name.

9- The Dark Crystal Immersive fantasy, though I’m sure it appears plain, drab, and simple now after the Netflix prequel.

10- Somewhere in Time I’m a romantic, I guess. Thus all the John Carpenter movies.

11- Grosse Pointe Blank So good, I used to think I liked John Cusack.

12- The Producers (musical) You heard me. Wilder and Mostel were great but the musical version had decades to mill over and expand the premise.

13- To Be or Not To Be (Brooks) Surprisingly suspenseful.

14- The 13th Warrior Saw it again recently and it holds up. Horror, only it happens to viking warriors who would rather chop the horror down than run.

15- The Mighty Thor I mean, Black Panther is objectively the best of the lot but subjectively this is my personal favorite superhero flick. I must have seen it a half a dozen times at least.

16- Lost Boys A billion Chinese can’t be wrong.

17- Die Hard A Christmas tradition. As a postman, it’s cathartic for me to watch Christmas get blown up a little before all the hugging and sentiment.

18- The Blues Brothers Deadpan hilarity cut with performances by legends of blues and soul.

19- The Sting The best heist film. It keeps you guessing until the very end and no twist feels arbitrary or leaves a hole.

20- Interview with the Vampire Fun fact, I looked like Pitt’s Louis when I was a young man in the goth scene.

21- Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure “Be excellent to each other!” “Party on, dudes!” *air guitar*

22- The Seventh Seal See? This list has its high points.

23- Revolutionary Girl Utena Note: Read the entire manga, watch the entire anime series, and read Adolescence of Utena BEFORE watching this or you’ll be left confused. Dazzled but confused.

24- The Nightmare Before Christmas So good I got the tarot deck.

25- The Last Unicorn It’s still a damn shame they never made that live action remake. Christopher Lee was set to reprise King Haggard.

26- Chasing Amy Honestly changed my life.

27- Excalibur It’s weird though how they’re always in armor. Wedding? Armor. Dinner? Armor. Deathbed? Armor.

28- Ginger Snaps A cut above any other werewolf movie I’ve seen.

29- Top Secret! My sense of humor distilled.

30- Clash of the Titans (Harryhousen) Yeah it’s dry but then there’s the monsters.

31- Monty Python’s the Meaning of Life People are not wearing enough hats.

32- Shadow of the Vampire Nosferatu nearly made this list but it’s hard to pinpoint a definitive cut. Try instead this film about the making of Nosferatu with an actual vampire as the vampire.

33- Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust Look, we as a culture had the unfortunate experience of Twilight. This is the same premise but actually good.

34- The Last Supper This film challenged and changed me as a young man more so than any other work of art.

35- The Princess Bride The perfect film, but I’ve seen it so much it’s down at 35 now.

36- Blazing Saddles What can I as a white guy say? Just watch the movie.

37- Streets of Fire Always suspicious to me how Final Fight premiered within a year of this movie.

38- Gremlins More Christmas havok. Yum?

39- The Beastmaster Forgotten and underappreciated.

40- Ladyhawke A thing of beauty.

41- Willow C’mon. It’s Willow. I have nothing to justify here.

42- Speed Racer I know you heard it’s bad but hear me out: it is the strongest narrative I’ve ever seen on film and it’s exactly the way you played with your toy cars when you were little.

43- Angelheart You’re supposed to know that de Niro is Lucifer. The rest is mystery and the final reveal set up a trope that’s been done into the ground nowadays.

44- The Hunger More atmosphere than plot, but hey, vampire Bowie!

45- Zoolander My partner’s favorite.

46- Faust (Murnau) You will be shocked to see what was possible to achieve in film in 1926.

47- A Muppet Christmas Carol but a cut that includes the fiance’s song This finishes out my traditional Christmas films.

48- Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein Y’know, I’ve got two Branagh films on here and neither are what you would expect given his catalog. The other one’s Thor for crying out loud.

49- Highlander I noticed in recent editions of Vampire: the Masquerade that it’s still possible in that game to hide a katana in a trenchcoat. This movie is why.

50- The Name of the Rose One of only a few instances where I prefer the film to the book. That book loooooong.

51- Robocop (1987) Of all the damn science fiction, why must we be in Robocop?

52- The Prophecy Now we’re getting into films I demoted since the last time I updated this list. This film’s a slow burn unless you get turned up for angels and Christopher Walken like I do.

53- The Warriors Would be higher if the opening wasn’t so slow.

54- Legend Tim Curry kills it as Darkness.

55- Black Panther Objectively the best superhero movie and the Academy backs me on that one.

56- Wonder Woman I do wish they’d trot out Vandal Savage as a Wonder Woman villain.

57- Captain America: The Winter Soldier Just rewatched this one earlier! It is heavily marked by the height of the War on Terror.

58- Blade The ancestor of all modern superhero movies and a solid vampire flick to boot.

59- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Nostalgic for me? Maybe, but I hold that this is the first comic film worth a damn because they stuck with the comics when they wrote it.

60- Captain America: the First Avenger This movie is a real test of character. If someone doesn’t like Cap it’s because they think goodness is unrealistic.

61- Four Rooms Really just rooms 3 and 4.

62- Reservoir Dogs Hey, two Tim Roth films in a row!

63- Event Horizon Do you see?

64- What Dreams May Come Kind of an emotional ringer, especially after William’s death.

65- Monty Python and the Holy Grail Have I watched it into the ground? Yes. Is it still hilarious? Yes, and it gets funnier the more you study Arthurian myth.

66- Pulp Fiction I’m kinda over this now.

67- The Crow People who liked the comic passionately disagree with me but I still like this one.

68- Akira Still.

69- Ghost in the Shell Still, though the farther you get from 13 the less titties you need in your art.

70- Beetlejuice Why not? Let's just tack this on there.

Honorable Mentions:

Fight Club A suburb film but one I grew out of, as should everyone. If you meet a man who’s passionate about Fight Club, run!

American Psycho Ditto. I grew out of this but it’s still excellent.

What’s Eating Gilbert Grape A horrible caricature of my brother’s life. I don’t get along with my brother any more.

Rocky Horror Picture Show Not actually a good film if you watch it straight with no commentary. Still, it’s a cornerstone of queer culture.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 2 Of all the superhero films, this is the one that resonated with me the most. I was in a weird place at the time. It still resonates with me now because I’m a foster dad.

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jean----ralphio · 3 years

Text

BoB liveblog ep 7

Episode 7: The Breaking Point. YEAH, OF MY FUCKING HEART

I HATE THIS EPISODE. I HATE IT WITH THE FIERY INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND BURNING SUNS.

00:00 I really don’t wanna do this you guys.

00:38 Can’t we just pretend this episode doesn’t exist?

01:22 OMFG I CAN’T ALL THE SWEET IRL MEN ARE CRYING NOOOO IT HURRRTS

04:05 RICH! Ok I feel a little better. Ahaha, he’s growing a beard. It’s got nothing on the quarantine beard he’s rocking nowadays tho

04:22 That whole scene is hilarious but I’m too distracted by Rich to appreciate it properly

05:18 Horsie

05:30 Hey Fassy

05:57 He’s so obsessed with the Luger, oh Hoob ☹

06:07 Ahhh that second where he looks into the camera and fires ☹ He’s so happy

06:31 IT’S SHIFTY MY ANGEL SON, MY ANGEL CHILD, LOOK AT HIIIIIMMMM!!!! MY BABY! I’M SO HAPPY! THIS IS THE ONLY GOOD PART OF THE EPISODE! HE’S SO HUMBLE AND PERF ILY SHIFTY

06:51 He is such a fucking angel, I swear. “What happened to the horse?” PETA would be pleased you care, baby.

07:01 Look at my son, look at his little angel face

07:27 Buck seems a little better??

07:47 Gold.

“Shut up boys.”

“Shutting up, Sarge.”

But notice my angel is perfectly well-behaved

08:00 “That was no rifle.” Shifty just Knows Things.

“What do you see, Shift?”

“Nobody out there.” HE’S JUST A BOSS SNIPER ANGEL ELF BABY OK

08:15 Oh Hoob

08:43 Oh God

09:03 ROE OMG NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR JOKES “Did you think it was a German leg, Hoob?” I MEAN LMAO BUT NO

09:33 Nooooooooooo

09:44 Oh God, the way Buck and Perco are cradling his face ☹

10:04 Husbands, do something, reincarnate him or something

10:32 Oh Dick is shivering aw

10:38 Lip, baby, no, do not cover for than incompetent POS

10:48 The husbands are unimpressed

11:39 Nice gloves tho Dike

11:57 “At present, as per usual, but I’ll clarify that with you at a later time.” No. No. He’s asking now. He needs to know now. Wtf.

12:39 IS THAT RICH??

13:12 RICH! BEARDED RICH!

13:23 I LOVE HIM SO MUCH YOU GUYS

13:26 Just gonna pause here a little while, excuse me

13:47 Lip is such a boss. We love you Lip

14:13 Bill’s laugh <3 RICH’S SMILE <333

14:48 Dick omg your flirting, so cute. They are in love.

15:20 Fassy is judging you… that means Alicia Vikander is coming for you…

15:50 Omg Nix knows his husband so well

16:24 Aw, Bill and Babe <3 BROTP

17:33 Bill, sweetie, no, I’m sorry but Buck is not fine!

17:58 Oh God the foreboding. Rich ☹ <3

18:01 WTF is Luz smoking LMAO

18:33 RIIIIICH

19:08 “Well, they had a point. You’re an idiot.” Oh Penk. I’ll miss you Penk.

19:31 UGH GTFO. To be fair the actor does a great job with this role.

20:01 Dike is so random. But it’s nice he’s taking an interest??

21:20 NIX LMAO

21:33 Ugh, Dick. Stop. I know it’s to establish a sense of normalcy and ritual but Come. On. Buddy. Lol I love how Nix is just like LMAO NO I’M NOT GOING. I wish I could just say no when asked to do things by my bosses. We know it’s cos Nix can’t bear to be apart from his husband for so long <3

22:33 Guys, don’t be mean. Fassy, no, come on.

22:53 Wtf are Penk and Rich doing…

23:05 LMAO @ Dick and Sink.

“Got to keep the morale up for the folks back home.”

“Why?”

“Damned if I know.”

Iconic. Valid.

23:34 Lol my Joe/Charlie thought he was gonna get in trouble, but Dad just wanted to nag <3

24:24 Oh Bill <3 “Tied me own boots once last week, all by meself.” <3333 Bill please never change.

24:30 Rich <3333

24:36 Riiiiichhhhhh <3

24:48 Johhny ‘unimpressed’ Martin is already looking unimpressed, new kid, watch out, you’re not off to a great start.

24:56 Rich’s helmet still has bullet holes from the last episode, love the continuity <3

25:07 “You’ll find out, son.” Oh, Alley <3

25:17 Rich is hilarious in this scene, he’s having so much fun <3

25:22 Hey Lieb, I’ve missed you

25:46 Riichhh <3

25:53 OMFG that exchange!

“How are those nuts, sarge?”

“Doin fine, Bill, nice of you to ask.”

Wtf Lip!!

26:05 Bye, Fassy!

26:26 Even when he’s blurred by snow, Speirs is intimidatingly good-looking.

27:01 He’s so polite but so scary

27:23 You’re hot, Speirs, so I automatically trust you. Not sure what that says about me but it’s probably not good tbh

27:57 Joe/Charlie has been back five seconds and he’s already out for blood.

28:58 Hey Lee

30:00 Oh God

31:33 Oh no, Joe/Charlie, my baby ☹

33:39 Bill’s here, baby, it’s OK

34:10 I can’t deal with the hilarity of Babe blocked in by the tree while Joe/Charlie is in such a bad way and being done so dirty

34:56 Oh GOD

35:28 Bill </3

36:11 My thoughts exactly, Luz

36:42 Buck ☹

37:41 “Hey Joe, I told you I’d beat you back to the states.” Bill don’t me laugh while I’m crying. Aw, we’ll miss you <3

37:59 Not really the time but fuck it, I am totally digging Luz’s hair now

38:26 I’m so shook. I’ve watched this series a billion times but it still hurts me. Scene after scene, Joe/Charlie in pain, Buck screaming for a medic, God Neal and Kirk are so good.

39:18 Oh God, Buck

40:00 Rich I love you

40:44 Rich <3 ☹

41:22 Noooooooo </3

41:44 No. No. NO.

41:59 NO. NOPE. CANON NOT ACCEPTED. They’re fine. They’re fine, they’re just off-screen for the rest of the series, chillin with Hoob and Renee on like a nice beach somewhere. Drinking maitais and maragaritas and building sandcastles and shit.

44:00 Hit Malarkey the hardest? NO FUCKING WAY, LIP, HIT ME THE HARDEST, MORE LIKE! But in all seriousness, can you imagine losing your friends, not having a body to bury or time to grieve ugh ☹ </3 OK I concede that Malarkey and I can share the grief 50/50. No wait. 60/40. In favour of me.

45:15 Malark, it’s what Hoob would have wanted. I’d ask him but he’s busy sunbathing and keeping the drinks topped up

46:57 We love you Buck

47:14 Bull <3

47:43 Lieb <333

48:10 Hang on, sweetie, Dad isn’t back yet

48:50 It’s OK, Lip, sweetie, you can do it.

49:38 Lip, listen to me, your Dad’s going to fix everything in about ten, fifteen minutes. And he’ll get you a hot boyfriend in the process. It’s all going to be OK.

50:05 Dick, honey, Dike doesn’t understand a thing you’re saying

50:25 Dike’s like lol who the fuck was that guy?

51:17 Lieb is so blood-thirsty <3

51:23 DON’T STOP RUNNING, IDIOT. NEVER STOP RUNNING! THE REST OF US LEARNT THAT IN THE FIRST EPISODE! GOD!

51:40 WTF ARE YOU DOING, YOU FUCKING WASTE OF OXYGEN

52:09 Poor Lee

52:22 NO, FUCK, OMG

53:14 Don’t send my Lee alone!

53:33 Bull. A cigar. Right now? I like Johnny’s beard, suits him.

54:13 “THEY SHOT ME IN MY ASS, BOYS!” Aw Perco. Iconic.

54:36 Legit one of my fave scenes in the history of television. Dick is just so beside himself and desperate and helpless watching his sons stuck and in so much trouble. He’s in full Dad mode, about to run in there to save his boys. Then, and this is so subtle but it’s my fave bit, HE CUTS OFF SINK. HE IGNORES/SPEAKS OVER SINK. DICK! SPEAKS! OVER! SINK! IN WHAT UNIVERSE WOULD HE EVER DO THAT?! ON WHAT PLANET WOULD HE EVER BE SO DISRESPCTFUL?! THIS ONE, COS HIS SONS NEED HIM NOW AND BEING POLITE AND ADHERRING TO PRINCIPLE AND RANK DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER WHEN EASY IS IN TROUBLE! AND THEN HE CALLS UP OUR BOY SPEIRS. AND SPEIRS IS SO FUCKING GUNG-HO, BOUNCING ABOUT READY TO SLAUGHTER EVERYONE, SO FUCKIN EXCITED!!

And then there’s Nix, lmao, chillin with his binoculars, super relaxed as long as his husband stays safe, tbh.

55:06 Oh that was the new boy, aw

55:12 BOSS BAMF ICONIC WE STAN

55:20 Here you go, Lip, one BF courtesy of your Dad lol

55:48 Oh GOD I MISS RICH

56:24 LMFAO was that the haystack Dike was behind??

57:00 I.C.O.N.I.C.

57:23 “The astounding thing was, that after he hooked up with I company, he came back.” Annnnnd Lip’s in love.

57:49 Aw happy boys

58:09 Noooooo they’ve been through enough! I’VE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH THIS EPISODE OK, FUCK!

58:23 Go on, my angel son, you can do it.

58:36 Go, son. I love you.

58:43 Yes. Good boy.

59:26 Aw Bull piggybacking Perco <3

1:00:23 Oh yay! The church scene!

1:00:39 Look at my angel son <3

1:00:48 Hey Lieb

1:00:54 IT’S TAB! HEY TAB!

1:01:09 Babe <3 GRANT <3

1:01:29 Ahahaha Roe, I see you strategically placed yourself where you could stare at Babe 😉

1:01:59 Only 63 men left? Oh </3

1:02:00 Ahh Joe/Charlie <3 Bill <3 We love and miss you

1:02:20 RICH <333333 I LOVE YOU RICH <3333333 GOODBYE RICH <333333333333

1:02:39 Fuck Speirs is hot

1:02:53 The flirting <3 shooting looks at each other aw

1:03:09 Boys, stop checking each other out. You’re literally in a church full of nuns, go somewhere else to expend your sexual tension, jeez.

1:03:41 Flirting via talk of Roman soldiers, I dig it

1:04:28 Oh God, guys, this bit. Other than the propensity of my angel son, compared to usual, this is the only good part of the episode, I am here for the Speirton!

“You don’t have any idea who I’m talking about, do you?” HIS FACE IS SO SOFT

“No, Sir.” Lip, sweetie.

“Hell, it was you, first sergeant.”

Speirs’ is in love right back. And his continued flirting re battlefield commission GOD. The way he looks at Lip… you deserve the hottest guy in the whole show, Lip, proud of you sweetie.

1:06:48 Annnnnd everything fucking hurts.

To summarise, I am kinda appeased by the glorious glory that is Spierton. Rich and Penk and Hoob and Renee are FINE. THEY JUST SO HAPPEN TO BE OFF-SCREEN. IT’S FINE. I’M FINE ABOUT IT.

#band of brothers #liveblog #spierton #rsj #this ep ugh

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steveharrington · 5 years

Note

what are your top 10 fav breaking bad episodes?

10. Bug (4x09)

this episode has TOO many iconic moments. skyler scamming the IRS by pretending to be dumb, gus walking toward the bullets, mike telling walter to shut the fuck up and leave jesse alone, jesse having dinner with gus, and then the Ultimate moment where jesse beats walter the fuck up and pulls the “can you walk? good :) then get the fuck out of my house :)” card GOD the whole episode is like the start of jesse’s realization that he should trust mike and gus more than walter and it feels so good to watch

9. Shotgun (4x05)

after a whole season of watching jesse in a deep depression it’s such a relief to reach this episode. the COMEDY of the start where walter storms into los pollos with a GUN and the music is so intense and hes like WHERES GUS FRING WHERE IS HE WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH JESSE and then on the phone jesse is just like “im fine” like god its literally unbeatable. it’s obviously the beginning of mike and jesse’s relationship, plus on another level the beginning of gus and jesse’s Real relationship because it signals the first time gus begins to trust him. PLUS provided us with the iconic you are not the guy youre not capable of being the guy i had a guy but now i dont you. are not. the guy.

8. Dead Freight (5x05)

i know everyone says dead freight but dude.......it’s such a fantastic episode from start to finish! it’s such a weird combination of like, drama thriller but also sitcom hilarity? because obviously the stakes are really high and you know that if they get caught they’re going to prison like, forever, and also jesse could have straight up got run over by a train but at the same time it’s hilarious? i also love the emphasis on jesse being a problem solver at this point in the show and being able to accomplish things that even walt and mike can’t necessarily do without him. the last 60 seconds..........well we dont have to talk about that

7. Rabid Dog (5x12)

okay originally i wasn’t going to put any 5b eps on here, not because they aren’t amazing but because they aren’t exactly the kind of thing i can put on in the background and rewatch yknow? but rabid dog is so amazing because its FINALLY the point where jesse is done with walter. like it’s the final severance between them and just watching walter’s panic grow throughout the episode as he realizes that it’s going to end with one of them dying but not being able to accept that is just ... fantastic. it summarizes the complexity of their dynamic so succinctly for a single episode

6. Peekaboo (2x06)

obviously a quintessential jesse episode deserves a spot on the list. everyone is always like “this is the episode where i fell in love with jesse!!!!” and like personally i was already in love with him but yeah this episode confirmed it. it’s the first episode in the Jesse Loves Kids saga obviously and it presents the conflict he feels over like, the secondhand guilt he feels over supplying the product that puts the kid in his shitty living situation but also the knowledge that he’s trapped now. when he goes back into the house for the kid and tells him to close his eyes it’s like.......a compromise that jesse holds onto for the rest of the series. he knows he’s doing bad things but he tries to find ways to make them even a little better

5. 4 Days Out (2x09)

bottle episode #1 baby! one of the earliest episodes that is entirely dedicated to walter and jesse’s dynamic and it’s just.....classic brba. cooking in the RV out in the desert baby! jesse being dumb! walter being an asshole! ah wiiiiiiiiiiire! it’s such a good like.....foundation episode. it’s one of those episodes that you rewatch after finishing the series and you’re like “god everything has changed so much” and honestly if someone wanted to watch like One episode of breaking bad to get the gist of the whole show i would probably suggest 4 days out

4. Sunset (3x06)

another literal classic and also the first episode i watched with my mom hehe so it has a special place in my heart. in some ways it’s a very tragic episode because watching the RV get destroyed literally made me cry, but it’s so thrilling and exciting and it sets up the conflict between hank and jesse which is honestly a fav. i honestly don’t even have that much to say about it i just......love this episode it’s so rewatchable. and this is my own private domicile and i will not be harassed bitch!

3. Full Measure (3x13)

remember when Bill Hader was like “you know the end of an episode of TV that makes you gasp and wait all week for the next episode, well breaking bad has those moments constantly throughout the entire 60 minutes” THIS is the kind of episode that applies to! the battle and shifting power between gus and walter is obviously center stage but ultimately it comes down to jesse. the shot in the arcade where jesse is sitting alone and there’s the single red light GOD LETS GET INTO BREAKING BAD COLOR THEORY BABY! the episode is just so ..... dramatic and intense but artful and careful and ultimately it contains arguably the biggest moment for jesse’s character arc in the whole series

2. ABQ (2x13)

okay not to be a demon but i love this episode endlessly. i wish i could just combine it with Pheonix but i cant so ultimately i choose this one (despite it not having the water on mars conversation) it’s clearly like one of the saddest in the entire series especially for jesse but it’s so good. the introduction of mike automatically makes it memorable but the scene of jesse and walter in the crack den is burned forever into my memory its just so.....haunting. and in this episode i can FEEL myself being manipulated by walter. like i JUST watched him let jane die and i still catch myself watching ABQ and going “aw he’s talking jesse down.....he’s holding him........he’s taking him to rehab........” and that’s exactly what walter DOES to people and to catch him doing it to YOU is insane

1. Fly (3x10)

taylor u literally knew this was coming sdkfjsdfkj yeah i think this is the greatest episode in the whole show ok! ozymandias whom! yeah it’s another bottle episode but i think it’s better than 4 days out in accomplishing the ultimate goal of a bottle episode which, to me, is putting the characters together in isolation for so long that eventually their boundaries fall down. i mean obviously the concussion and drugs are part of the reason that walter starts getting so open with jesse, but the fact that they’re enclosed in the lab until walter can accomplish a meaningless goal that’s borne from paranoia just makes the conversations they have that much more meaningful. i know a lot of people don’t like this episode because its “boring” but to me, when i watch tv shows, i ACHE for even one of the single moments that this entire episode is comprised of. the fact that vince was like “okay and now let’s dedicate an entire episode to this lingering guilt that walter feels over killing jesse’s girlfriend an entire season ago and that’s the whole thing” is so bold but also so admirable because he’s truly giving something so huge (jane’s death) the attention it deserves where most shows would just sort of drop it to make room for more plot. im literally rambling but it’s just a perfect balance of what we know, what walter knows, and what jesse knows which are all conflicting and battling. “it’s not coming down, it’s staying up there forever” like ARE YOU KIDDING ME

#hehehehehe thank u taylor #breaking bad #dalecooperscoffee #answered

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fromdirectorlanawachowski · 5 years

Text

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles.

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

#avengers #endgame #endgame spoilers #endgame critical #endgame critique #infinity war critical #avengers endgame

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kaironlokethor · 6 years

Text

“Straight to the Uterus”

< LAST FIRST NEXT>

We have a tiefling rogue, a Half-elf assassin and a changling druid masquerading as a high elf guard. Anyway, hilarity ensued:

-So the high-elf just failed a stealth check and got discovered somewhere he shouldn’t be by two nasy looking guards- DM: I know this is meta-gaming but I recommend you run and go get the tiefling. he is your muscle. He will be of great use High-Elf: I try to talk to the guards Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF PLEASE COME GET ME I WILL HELP YOU- High-elf: I try to decieve them. Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF I CANNOT HELP YOU. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON SO I CANNOT SAVE YOU WHEN YOU DIE (He has been knocked unconcious like 3 times and I have had to save him each time. I am his only hope honestly)- High-Elf: I say: I am a guard from the capital sent here to investigate for drugs and abuse Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD- DM: Roll deception Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF- -High-elf got a fairly high roll- DM: They believe you, leave while you can Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF PLEASE- High-Elf: I see nothing here, really. Give me a tour and I will send word back that there is nothing here Tiefling: -dying at this point OOC: HIIIIIIIIIIIIGH-EEEEEEEEEELF- DM: The guards are going to let you leave immediately. No tour, just leave. Tiefling: -OOC: HIGH-ELF JUST LEAVE- High-elf: Eh, I guess I leave ---

DM: Okay, so roll inniative Half-Elf: How far away am I? I can do long range, right? I have two daggers, so I can throw one DM: YOU HAVE A LONG-RANGE BOW!!! Half-Elf: ..........not equipped..........

---

-Tiefling has the enemy monk pinned to the wall with my scimitar to his throat. I just did this whole Thaumaturgy slamming doors and windows open, stepping into the cathedral, and slamming them shit, making the ground tremour, turning my eyes black, and making my voice boom to scare the shit out of these religious people. They all failed against my intimidation check. I have them scared shittless. I have the enemy monk against a wall with my scimitar to his throat- DM: so, Tiefling....what do you want to do Tiefling: I MACE HIM DM: So, you hit him with your mace, roll Tiefling: Do I have advantage? DM: WHY would you get advantage? Tiefling: He’s shook. Do I get shook advantage? DM: SHOOK ADVANTAGE IS NOT A THING. STRAIGHT ROLL. -Anyway, Shook Advantage/Shook Disadvantage became a huge fucking joke through the entire session-

---

-Our half-elf misses an arrow shot at someone- DM: The arrow whizzes past the tiny bonsai tree in the corner, that if anyone had gotten a /high/ perception check (we all got 10 and below) you would have seen earlier. Half-elf: Wait, there is a bonsai tree? DM: Yes. He is my son. Please do not step on him.

---

-our half-elf got a critical hit, and killed an enemy. We have a history of killing people through dick hits- DM: Okay, how do you wanna do this? Half-elf: I shoot an arrow RIGHT up the uterus Tiefling: Oh, this is a woman-guard now? Half-elf: Wait, no? Uterus is the right word right? DM: Do you mean urethra? Half-elf: Yes! DM: I mean, you already did it....wanna keep it with the uterus? Half-elf: Eh, sure. We have woman guards too. Tielfing: -OOC: Woo! Woman guards!- DM: She’s trying to kill you....

---

-Normally in battle the High-elf will be knocked unconcious and the tiefling will need to save him. I have saved him 3 times in battle so far- DM: So the monk hits you....does 13 beat your armour class? Tiefling: Yeah, I’m hit, what damage? DM: 6 Tiefling: I’m fucking down DM: You’re down? Tiefing: He fucked me up last round, I only had 5 health. I’m fucking down High-elf: I use healing word on Tiefling. DM: That’s your action? High-elf: Yup. I do healing word. -High-elf rolls high and heals me for like 9 health- Tiefling: I gain conciousness and look over to High-elf and nod a thanks High-elf: Don’t worry. I got-chu fam.

---

Half-elf: I do my classic power-slide between his legs and shoot my bow up his balls DM: Are you SURE? Half-elf: Yes. DM: Positively sure? Half-elf: Yes. DM: I am giving you one last chance....are you absolutely sure you want to use your /long-range weapon/ Half-elf: YES! I take a running start and powerslide between the monk’s legs and shoot an arrow up his testicals DM: So, since that is a long range projectile, the monk grabs it -he rolls high so takes no damage, and is able to grab it due to some feat or whatever- and he throws it back at you for........does 18 beat your armour class? Half-elf: y-yes......... DM: He is pissed. PISSED. He throws it back right at your dick for -rolls decent damage- It goes straight up your dick Half-elf: Well fuck.... -after the battle- Half-elf: I want to... DM: You still have an arrow in your dick Half-elf: .........fuck.........right........I take it out DM: Roll sleight of hand High-elf: I help and give him advantage! Tiefling: You......you grab Half-elf’s dick and help him.......? High-elf: ..................................yes. Half-elf: -he rolls kind of low- DM: You get the arrow out....but you’re kind of mangled High-elf: I cast healing word and heal his dick Tiefling: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

---

DM: Okay, so before you leave, do you want to search anyone? Tiefling: I search the monk. Perception for-- High-elf: Traps and shiny things? -so last session every time I enter a room, I did perception for traps and shiny things- Tiefling: Eh, sure, perception for traps and shiny things DM: You find a trap on the monk. Tiefling: THERE ACTUALLY WAS A TRAP WTF?

---

-Half-elf can see in the dark, Tiefling can see in the dark, High-elf can’t. Half-elf raids a dead body and finds goggles that allow the user to see 60 feet in the dark, or if they already have dark-vision it allows them to see an extra 60 feet- Tiefling: -a little while later- WAIT! Why don’t we just give High-elf the googles so he doesn’t fucking die every two fucking seconds? High-elf: Eh, it’s okay. I like stumbling.

---

Half-elf: After the battle, I grab High-elf and kiss him square on the lips Tiefling: -OOC: WAIT THE ELVES TURNED OUT TO ACTUALLY BE GAY WTF- High-elf: Eh, I’ll allow it.

#D&D #DnD #Shit my players say #Tiefling #High elf #Half elf #Changling

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everlarkficexchange · 6 years

Photo

Springtime Edition 2018.

These are the prompts we’ve received so far.

Crossed out prompts have already been selected and are being turned into fics!

I’d like to thank everyone who’s taken the time to come up with an idea and send it our way. Your prompts are the heart of the Exchange. Without them our lovely authors wouldn’t get to write all those beautiful fics. So, please, keep them coming!

You haven’t sent anything yet? Don’t worry, there’s still time. We’ll be receiving prompts until Mar 11. Don’t be afraid to inspire us!

We have more than 100 prompts now! So make sure to keep reading to see them all. Enjoy!

Prompts:

Prompt 1: “I wish that ball had hit you in the face!” [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 2: Awkward or embarrassing job interview. [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 3: Personal trainer from hell! [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 4: Modern AU where katniss is a wedding planner and peeta is the caterer and her ex. [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt 5: Katniss + Peeta + Krazy Glue = ? (Seal wound? Office prank? How they meet? How they’re forced to speak?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 6: Desperate petite Katniss takes a job jumping out of a cake. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 7: Young Peeta has an imaginary friend, Katniss, with superpower to help him when he’s alone or afraid, but something happens (good? bad?) and she becomes real. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 8: Start your story at the end (like the backwards Seinfeld episode “The Betrayal” about a wedding in India) and reveal how it began at the end. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 9: "Was she ever real?“ (SciFi Katniss is a cyborg or hologram.) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 10: No games, but 16-year-old Seam girl Katniss is sent away to serve time for the killing of her sister’s murderer. She’s just returned to D12. How will she adjust? Who is still there? (mom, Gale, Madge, Sae, Darius, Peeta??) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 11: Mom makes a new life for herself in D4. How would Katniss receive the news of her mother’s death at different times of her life (at 20-something while adjusting to life in post-war D12; after becoming a mother herself in her late 30s/early 40s; after becoming a grandmother in her 60s/70s). [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 12: Wait, what?! What do you mean, “We’re not exclusively dating”?! [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 13: Private eye Peeta and the dame who hires him, Katniss, in an old fashioned mystery turned romance. Bonus points for using 1920/30s turns of phrase. [submitted by @noneyabidnes]

Prompt 14: Planning and executing a first birthday party for oldest toastbaby. [submitted by @booksrockmyface]

Prompt 15: Pirate Katniss and wealthy nobalmen Peeta’s worlds collide. [submitted by @7-ah]

Prompt 16: Soulmate AU: Katniss has 2 soulmates/marks/indication of some sort, after the loss of her first, she’s terrified to have loved and lost again. Until Peeta. [submitted by @7-ah]

Prompt 17: Saying “I love you” for the first time at the worst possible moment. [submitted by @xerxia31]

Prompt 18: Canon/Canon Compliant: How about Katniss wanting to have the little youngest toastbaby, and being nervous to ask Peeta(and of course, excited when he says yes!)? [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 19: Awkward first date in high school, could involve a bet or a dare. [submitted by @savedbyyeezus]

Prompt 20: A fix about Katniss and Peeta having an arranged or forced marriage, but Katniss wanting her wedding night. [submitted by @ealaatnara]

Prompt 21: Visual prompt. Day 1 of Peeta as a Daddy [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 22: Peeta is a peacekeeper in Twelve, maybe a rebel undercover? And he and Katniss love story. Thanks [submitted by @marizpe17]

Prompt 23: A fic based on the song “Saturday Sun” by Vance Joy! [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 24: Ex with benefits [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt 25: Katniss Everdeen is a 17-year-old Olympic gold-medalist who seemingly has reached the absolute pinnacle… except her country’s main nemesis happens to have a golden champion of their own, and he happens to have stolen her heart. [submitted by @thelettersfromnoone]

Prompt 26: Peeta buys and wears Deadpool riding on a rearing unicorn while holding a sword in the air, boxer briefs as a surprise for Katniss. Where you want to take it from there is left up to the writer. [submitted by @amazinglovers747]

Prompt 27: An older Peeta mets a young Katniss and it’s love at first sight on them. The trials and tribulations they have to endure to prove their love to everyone and the law. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 28: In Panem AU (no games) majority of the district are werewolves but it’s forbidden to speak out loud about it. Peeta and Katniss are mates. (Follow real wolves traits; packs, behaviors, mates, knotting, in heat) [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 29: Polygamy. Katniss becomes Peeta’s second wife. She’s not happy about it because she had feelings for the another mellark brother and thought she was destined to be his wife instead of Peeta’s but Peeta starts warming her heart to him. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 30: Everlark is a young couple who get married when Peeta gets stationed to Fort Panem. Have to deal with deployment, new weird friends, pregnancy, and staying a couple. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 31: My favorite THG Character besides Katniss and Peeta is Wiress. Maybe Everlark from Wiress’s POV? Or perhaps an AU where she lives and her and Beetee help Katniss when Peeta returns hjacked? Anything with Everlark with Wiress :). [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 32: Prompt Based on the Alicia Keys lyric - we’ve got way too much In common, if I’m being honest with you. If you could love someone like me you must be messed up too. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 33: April fools prank or practical joke ends in disaster. Maybe a trip to the emergency room. [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 34: Panem distracts and divides its people. Celebrity School is the training ground where they cultivate the most promising beautiful young blonde hopefuls. (drama, talents, sex, excess, cat fights) For the first time, each district is forced to send one non-blonde among their tributes. Minority trib Katniss gets fed up with the nasty treatment and takes action. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 35: Fact: A 2017 Reuters article says free land still available! Fiction: Write a story of Peeta and Katniss (together? meeting after?) joining those leaving D12 for a better life beyond its boundaries when government writes a homestead act. Requirements? Struggles? Obstacles? Conflicts? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 36: Katniss and Peeta are friends on the verge of more. Katniss or Peeta is hesitant to take the next step until something tragic happens to the other (just not death) that pushes them to realize their feelings and commit. [submitted by @ra3lynn3]

Prompt 37: Her family murdered, so mail-order-bride Katniss marries Peeta who seems sweet at first; the location is remote; something unnerves her. Could Peeta have an evil twin? Or an alter ego? Is Dr. Aurelius really helping or is he not what he seems? Can she trust anyone? Even herself??? [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 38: Katniss and Peeta are destined for each other. But when destiny is tired of the countess fail attempts, she makes one last attempt for them to get their happily ever after. Does it work this time? [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 39: Katniss falls for charming Peeta. Things are going well until she starts noticing a few odd things. What katniss never knew was that Peeta became a mafioso in la cosa nostra. [submitted by @animekpopxx]

Prompt 40: Katniss, a priestess of Diana, goddess of the hunt, is asked to sacrifice a man that has angered the goddess by looking too long at her favorite priestess: The baker’s youngest son. Katniss and Peeta have history together prior to her appointment as priestess, so she struggles to obey and comply. [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 41: A story from Peeta’s POV about the things he loves about Katniss. Maybe watching her as she wears an old T-shirt of his. What’s the story behind the shirt and why she likes to wear it. [submitted by @ra3lynn3]

Prompt 42: For her 17th birthday, Capitolite!Katniss, gets a night with her celebrity crush, Victor!Peeta, as her surprise birthday present. Peeta (may or may not be older in this fic) is desensitized about taking Capitol girls virginities, ‘cause that’s the norm in high society, and he’s considered the gentlest lover in the catalogue, but she’s so shy, pure and starstruck, he can’t help being endeared by her. Make it as sweet and angsty as you wish :) [submitted by @alliswell21]

Prompt 43: Prompt - a story based on the song “Say Something”, by Great Big World and Christine Aguilera… [submitted @xerxia31]

Prompt 44: Katniss is hired as a writer for Hallmark cards ….. [submitted by @thegirlfromoverthepond]

Prompt 45: I answered your oddly specific craigslist roommate ad as a joke and now we’re living together… [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 46: Broken-hearted Katniss goes to see a psychic, hoping to get one last message to her departed loved one (Goodbye? I’m sorry? Where’s the key to the safety deposit box?). Peeta is earning his college tuition using his charm and empathy to tell fortunes. What happens when they encounter each other? [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 47: Katniss and Peeta accidentally switch phones and she’s getting really tired of fielding questions from wrestling team members and some weirdo who sends pics of modern art asking for opinions. Did K&P already know each other? How do they switch their phones back? What sort of hilarity ensues in the meantime? [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 48: You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 49: Injured in a mosh pit at a concert because Johanna. Peeta can ask her for her phone number as part of exchanging insurance information and she can think he hit his head harder than she originally thought but he’s just trying to flirt. [submitted by @katnissdoesnotfollowback]

Prompt 50: The fire alarm went off at 3 am and now the cute guy from the apartment next door is standing next to me in his underwear… [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 51: Modern Day: “Totally worth it - you always are…” [submitted by @winegirl65]

Prompt 52: "I know what you want. You have money, but what I have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a dream come true for people like you.“ Sexually frustrated trophy wife Katniss commissions artist Peeta who immortalizes naked women after giving them the greatest O of their lives. [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 53: The Mellarks take in HS exchange student Katniss for one year for the $. Popular Peeta objects to getting saddled with her at home, at school, socially, in the bakery. "She’s not very big or particularly pretty.” But when Katniss (?) Peeta reacts (?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 54: “Your bakery gave me food poisoning!” [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 55: Katniss was turn into an Avox and the Mellark family (a wealthy family from the Capitol) buys her. Her love story with Peeta. And maybe after the war, Peeta takes her to a Dr that is performing tongue surgeries (I read about that an it is possible) Thanks. [submitted by @marizpe17]

Prompt 56: Katniss turns to sperm bank to conceive. Despite option of anonymity, records opened. Peeta learns he has fathered child(ren). Now what? (What motivated them to use service? What are their ages now (same or wildly different?) Child(ren)’s age? Relationship status (Peeta involved? Katniss single or married?) Strangers or not? Interest in co-parenting? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 57: Peeta’s Plan: private jet to meet his fiancé’ parents; get tour of future father-in-law’s offices, meet the Board, meet with attorneys; take formal portrait; attend rehearsal and dinner; the wedding; brunch; private jet to Maldives for honeymoon. His mother is finally pleased with him. But the groom is having doubts, and that’s before he hears the voice of the wedding singer at the dress rehearsal! [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 58: Sacrificing a worthless sickly goat at the altar, Peeta’s frugal mother prays for a daughter and a long life together. The gods, seeing no love in her heart, are displeased with her offering and give her a son. She curses him and them. In punishment, they grant him a very long life: 1,000 years and 1,000 tears. Over the centuries he resists falling in love only to lose a wife over and over. But then he meets Katniss… [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 59: Peeta and Finnick are a bi couple, who’s relationship is crumbling. They bring Katniss in to add some sizzle in the bedroom… will she help save the relationship or complete kill it off??? [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 60: Post Mockingjay AU Katniss and Peeta finds themselves having twins unexpectedly and Katniss struggles with the idea of becoming a mother to not one child but two. [submitted by @que-sera-sera88]

Prompt 61: Katniss is a Midwife in the late 50s and meets Peeta (somehow) and flirts with him. When she’s goes to a delivering mother Peeta is there and she gets mad at him because she think he is her husband/father but he isn’t. [submitted by @que-sera-sera88]

Prompt 62: Katniss (a gifted culinary graduate) is recently widowed (her Ranger husband killed on a mission) - no family - she needs to make a life for herself. She takes her little belongings and his motorcycle and rides to find her future. She stops in a small town to rest for the night, with a failing restaurant/bakery owned by Peeta. He needs her help and she needs his. Maybe they help each other and fall in love in the process. [submitted by @winegirl65]

Prompt 63: Katniss and Peeta are teachers. Their classrooms are across from each other so they eat lunch together everyday which leads to some of their students shipping them. Whether they actually get together or not is up to you. [submitted by @ra3lynn3]

Prompt 64: A fic based on the song Austin by Blake Shelton [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 65: Years ago, you promised your firstborn to a witch. Since then, despite your best efforts, you can’t seem to get laid. The witch is starting to get pretty pissed.Y’all get together to discuss your options and she starts coaching you on how to get dates because she doesn’t want to waste more magic on you without promise of payment. The more time you guys spend together the more you realize you have a bit of a crush on her. Soon you’re sabotaging your dates on purpose to see her again. Long story short, you fall in love and get married AND YOUR FIRSTBORN IS HERS BY DEFAULT. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 66: What she said while standing beside Gale: “I never go anywhere without my bow.” What Peeta hears: “I never go anywhere without my beau.” Peeta won’t pursue another guy’s girlfriend, no matter how much he wants her. Will he try moving on? How long before that misunderstanding gets cleared up and Peeta asks out Katniss? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 67: Peeta can’t help but be a bit of a player when it comes to girls and struggles hanging onto a girlfriend. He goes to his best friend Katniss for advice. Not knowing she’s harboured a crush on him for years. Can be written in either POV. [submitted by @peetaspikelets]

Prompt 68: Katniss gets locked out of her apartment wearing only a towel and the only person she can turn to is her neighbor peeta. [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt 69: Katniss and peeta are both doctors and everytime they attend to a patient together they always get mistaken for being a couple or married but really they’re just best friends [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt 70: Based off the movie Ms. Congeniality. [submitted by @tal-han13]

Prompt 71. Katniss and Prim (and possibly the Hawthorne’s and Undersees) are in a cult and are just rescued out of there by an underground organization that de-indoctrinates cult members. Peeta and Haymitch are part of the underground de-indoctrination team. Angst at trying to pull away from the old way of life. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 72: Everlark fic based on the song “You Shouldn’t Kiss Me Like This” by Toby Keith. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 73: A story based off either Nancy Mulligan or Castle on a Hill by Ed Sheehan. [submitted by @historywriter2007]

Prompt 74: horoscopes - Peeta and Katniss have poorly matched signs, or one believes in it and the other does not, or Peeta is a horoscope writer who Katniss mocks/is skeptical of, etc. and then their daily horoscopes narrate their burgeoning relationship super accurately (bonus points if you write the horoscopes!) [submitted by @savedbyyeezus]

Prompt 75: Katniss and Peeta looking for they first apartment/house. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 76: “Peeta as a women to woo katniss” [submitted by @joshifer4everyone]

Prompt 77: I'd like to read a story with Everlark ... and a unicorn. Or unicorns. :) We need more unicorns in the fandom !!! [submitted by @thegirlfromoverthepond]

Prompt 78: an everlark fic based on the song Who's that girl by Guy Sebastian. [submitted by @uniquepizzacollectionblog]

Prompt 79: Everlark roomates when Peeta brings back a puppy home. Of course Katniss hates it... so she says... [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 80: AU where Katniss is interviewing for a job as a leg model. Until the photographer asks for more. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 81: I work at a movie theatre and I’m trying to clean up but you’re still here ugly crying... [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 82: Katniss is a barrel racer and trying to become a successful videographer and her loving husband, Peeta, is there supporting her and being there for her through it all. This is near and dear to my heart so I really hope someone chooses this prompt to write. [submitted by @amazinglovers747]

Prompt 83: Professional cuddler! (It's a thing.) Is Peeta or Katniss the client, the therapist, the trainee, the job applicant, the business owner, the journalist trying to write about the experience, the instructor, co-workers? With Finnick, Johanna, Delly or anyone else? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 84: it's wedding day (may be everlark wedding, but not necessarily) and the major scenario is the groomsmen dance. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 85: Canon-divergent. Everyone is born with a clock embedded within the inside of their left wrist that ticks down to the very moment you realize your love for your soulmate. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 86: Where Peeta is an Avox, involved with the Rebels, who works for Seneca Crane and his wife, Katniss. He seduces Katniss for informations but then falls for her. Rebellion still happens (the most angsty the better) [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 87: Peeta's great idea to meet single girls: teach a one-night "Romantic Baking" cooking class and impress them! Oops, course description says "couples." Katniss agrees to a date with a guy who thinks this is a great idea for their first date. (Do Peeta and Katniss know each other or are they strangers? Are they exes? Does he get her number? Does he ruin their date? Is the date handsy? Got any recipes to share?) [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 88: I love soulmates fics ! Anything with Everlark being soulmates and finding each other -finally :) thank you ! [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 89: prompt - a very adult version of truth or dare after work in a bar. [submitted by @uniquepizzacollectionblog!

Prompt 90: katniss and peeta are both heartbreakers and after both breaking someone's heart again, they're finally both single. They go after each other and make the other fall for the other (someone is already in love from the beginning but doesn't want it to be known because of their reputation) [submitted by @sunflowerslyf]

Prompt 91: Peeta as the tatted, ex-rocker owner of bakery chain (like in in DC-Balto area called dangerously delicious pies). Katniss is an attached (engaged or otherwise unavailable) food critic or reporter doing a piece on him but she and P can’t deny the attraction. Angst and such ensue. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 92: When Peeta's brothers pass on getting the bakery, Mrs. Mellark decides to find Peeta a wife she approves of AND to get in some immediate free help by posting unpaid summer internships at the bakery. Lots of girls hoping to land a husband with a business show up, none really interested in working or learning. One by one they dramatically quit or get fired until only Katniss who's only in it for the free day-old bread survives. Will Mrs M honor the bargain? Possible fairytale ending? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 93: Peeta and Katniss having never spoken graduate at 18 without getting reaped and must find work or a spouse to support them or else report to the mines. This drives one to devise a way of working as partners to start a business drawing on each other's strengths to become a team. They pretend to marry to get Peeta housing and to keep men away from Katniss. Will they work as business partners? Or screw it up? Or work through their problems and feelings to become more? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 94: Hate group vows to drive all olive skinned people over the fence and keep them out of D12. Katniss prepares for the worst. Does she ask Peeta, the kindest man she knows, to marry Prim? Does she fight back with her voice, the law, her bow? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 95: A fairytale: "Dear God, make me a bird. So I can fly far. Far, far away from here.” If Katniss turns into a bird, what breaks the spell? Does she speak besides sing? [submitted by @567inpanem]

Prompt 96: What if Katniss uses Peeta to get even with Gale? (Gale and Katniss are supposed to be betrothed, but Katniss finds out about Gale's trips to the slag heap. She befriends Peeta when trading-maybe) Peeta of course refuses at first, but then can't resist, but it gets super complicated because Katniss realizes she actually loves Peeta... Canon/Divergent please! [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 97: Peeta is promised to marry Delly, or another merchant girl, but she ends up getting pregnant by Gale. Peeta must marry to keep the bakery in the family, but there is no one available but Seam girls. His mother tries to convince Mrs. Everdeen to let him marry Prim, but she is too young and of course he really wants to marry Katniss. Secretly she wants him too. They marry and admit/show each other their feelings! [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 98: Peeta is pining for Katniss, but is about to give up because he can't figure out a way to get her to notice him and he is being pestered to marry a merchant. He also thinks Katniss is already with Gale. Somehow, he ends up following her or he is already in the woods when Katniss shows up. Katniss, believing she is alone, pleasures herself. When she is finished, she says Peeta's name. Of course he realizes that he needs to pursue her. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 99: Canon-divergent. Katniss develops a habit of sleepwalking which she only realizes when she discovers love bites appearing on various areas of her skin from seemingly no where. Embarrassed by the stares she receives around the District, she grows confused by Peeta Mellark's increasingly strange behavior towards her. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 100: "See, this is why no one lets you make the plans." Pregnant,unwed, underage Prim will be punished unless Katniss hides the pregnancy, pretends baby is hers. Caught and tangling others into deception, Katniss agrees to another plan: marry Peeta, pretend it's his so Prim can move on with her life. But then Rye forfeits bakery, claims child, wants to marry Prim. Only way to keep up lies and to let Prim have her own baby now is for Katniss to get pregnant, too, because of strict antiabortion laws. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 101: Last minute addition. Peeta is a police officer and is responding to a big event where Katniss is somehow involved. If they knew each other before or meet that day is up to you. [submitted by @historywriter2007]

Prompt 102: I've had this one in my head for a while but know I could never do it justice. Edward Sheeran's Perfect everlarked. 'When you said you looked a mess/I whispered underneath my breath/you heard it/darling you look perfect tonight...' The duet version with Beyonce chokes me up, but Ed's solo version speaks about a Strong Woman. Totally bonus points. [submitted by @noneyabidnes]

Prompt 103: Everlark in the Red Rising universe following Morning Star where Peeta (as Virginia/Mustang) is the politician and Katniss (as Darrow/Reaper) is the warrior. Bonus for toastbaby! [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 104: Both of them are rescued and make it to 13 after the Quell... They can stop pretending now. [submitted by @thestuckinbed]

Prompt 105: I'd like to read a really quirky, awkward teens-falling-in-love everlark story (can be set in high school /summer camp /in-panem au...). Casual, shy, no ‘love at first sight, insta-love. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 106: Katniss is Rye’s girlfriend when he dies. Katniss and Peeta (Rye’s father) start to hang out to go through their grief together. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 107: Everlark fic based off of the song "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 108: Modern AU/ katniss is desperate for a job to support prim and her mother and ends up getting a job for care and companionship for a disabled man, the Ex playboy Peeta Mellark Based on Me Before You (preferably with a happy ending) Check out this beautiful banner by the amazing @akai-echo for more inspiration. [submitted by @redhoodhungergames]

Prompt 109: Peeta is a womanizer and big flirt. (Imagine like finnick!) Katniss has aversion to love life, since she saw her mother's suffering. Many guys try katniss, but she scowls and scares them away. A strange situation happens, where peeta and katniss need to act like dating each other for some time. How katniss changes her opinion on love and how peeta realized katniss is his true love! [submitted by @joshifer4everyone]

Prompt 110: I know it's too late but it's worth a shot. This prompt popped in my head and I had to try. Everlark are at the beach and Peeta gets attacked by a shark and loses his leg. Peeta is rushed to the hospital where Katniss stays by his side and the story goes into Peeta facing the reality of not having a leg. How does it affect his work life? Sex life? And Katniss being there for him through thick and thin. [submitted by Anonymous]

Prompt 111: So I was driving earlier and Mary’s Song by Taylor swift came on and it made me really want to see this everlarked!! [submitted by Anonymous]

Feeling inspired?

Choose a prompt from the list and tell us about it. (Chosen prompts will be removed from the list so that there will only be one fic/artwork per prompt.)

Write a fic or create some artwork. Fics can be as short as 500 words or as long as you like. They can be one-shots, new chapters from your current WIPs, or out takes from any one of your fics. As long as your work covers the details provided in the prompt, you can create whatever moves you.

Submit your finished fic or artwork. We’ll be posting finished works from April 2 to April 15.

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#prompt list #available prompts EFE 2018 #1st draft

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