#if i go completely off the grid for the next 3 weeks this is why btw. im in the trenches again

[blueskittlesart]

this may be the most insane finals season yet. why do i do this to myself

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Thunder In Our Hearts (Part 5)

Summary: The reader and Soldier Boy have settled into a nice routine. But nothing nice can last long for these two and the result will fundamentally change their relationship...

Masterlist

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x reader

Word Count: 3,500ish

Warnings: language, nudity, violence, drug/abuse/sexual assault/torture mentions

A/N: Spoilers for Season 3 of The Boys in this one! My favorite part yet!…

_______

“Benjamin!” you shouted as soon as you walked in the front door. He was jerking off on the couch, at least into a condom this time. He put down the magazine he was holding, an old People magazine from the nineties, page flipped open to some older actress. “Dude! What did I tell you!”

“Mmm, that smells good,” he said, inhaling sharply, his wrist still flicking away. “One sec.”

“Why am I even surprised,” you sighed. You set down the food container on the table and left the large bag of other things you’d bought in the two hours you were gone down on the floor. When you spun around to wash up he was chucking the used condom in the trash before wiping himself off with a paper towel. 

“You were gone awhile,” he said, washing his hands at the sink. You got out a plate for him, Soldier Boy pulling on a pair of loose gray sweats before he took it from you, getting out his own knife and fork. 

“I went and found your drug dealer. Got most of my money back.” You sat down at the table, flipping open the box of fries, eating straight out of it. He stared blankly before sitting down, opening the container filled with a piece of grilled salmon and asparagus.

“Uh, how? I’ve dealt with my share of asshole drug dealers and that guy-”

“I told him you were sober for years and I wasn’t letting you fall off the wagon again. He was really sweet about it actually.” He grinned, eating a bite of fish, humming around it. “I bought you some more clothes. A few books too.”

“Books?” he said with his mouth full. You nodded, eating more of the fries before you got up and went over to the bag.

“I hit a bookstore quick before it closed. Since you don’t know how to use a computer yet, I thought this was easier.” You picked up the large stack, his eyes cautious. “General history, a few on things like misogyny, race, orientation. I grabbed the workbook that goes along with my PTSD book you’ve been reading. I got more out of the book when I did that too. Oh, and I picked up a few action thrillers and a romance for you.”

“You bought me a fucking romance novel?” he scoffed.

“Well they have sex in it. It’s porn in words. Figured you’d appreciate that.” You reached into the bag one more time, shaking your head with a laugh. “Speaking of porn, I got you more lube and condoms.”

“Thank you, darlin’,” he said, scarfing down the fish in big bites. You carried the rectangular box over to the table, setting it down beside him. “Is that what I think it is?”

“A fleshlight? Figured your hand could use a break,” you said, ruffling his hair. “Wash it before you use it. I’m heading to bed.”

“Keep this up and I might start to think you don’t hate me,” he chuckled. You went down the hall to your room, stopping in the doorway to look back at him, Soldier Boy stopping mid-chew to stare back.

“I’ve said a lot of things. Never said I hated you, bud.” He smiled, a soft one, almost seeming unnatural on his face with often he did it as cover for everything else. “Read your books, Ben. They’ll help.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” 

“You too, old man.”

Two Weeks Later

You’d fallen into a nice routine with Ben. He spent the mornings working on cleaning up the yard or the nearby shed. You’d tasked him with fixing up the landscaping and building a proper back porch, something more usable than the small, falling apart thing that was out there now. In the afternoons you took a break from researching the kills he wanted to make, namely a guy named Butcher and his son, Homelander. Butcher was completely off the grid but it hadn’t taken long to find him. After realizing he was going to be dead within the next few years thanks to some brain disease, Soldier Boy backed off. He knew Homelander was the bigger issue and time would take care of Butcher for him.

Normally he’d make lunch, a simple pair of sandwiches or something similar but he was doing it on his own without any prompting. In the afternoons you left him to his books, sometimes hearing dramatic sighs or questioning hums from his spot on the couch. When he’d get his fill, you’d teach him about things he missed, technology in particular. By then it was time for dinner, the two of you taking turns but Ben always close by to learn. 

Evenings were by and far the most relaxed time of the day, Ben normally wanting to put on an action movie he’d never seen before. Somehow you’d made a little domestic life with arguably the most powerful supe on the planet. And honestly…it was nice.

Ben was a flirt and he still used alcohol and weed too much but he had slowly been backing off of them both. He was reading books without you asking to, bringing up things he’d read in conversation. Mr. Rodgers he was not but he was beginning to understand and tolerate more which hopefully would lead him to being okay with the world he lived in.

“Hey, kid,” he said one night, flipping through your watchlist on Netflix.

“Grandpa,” you said. He pushed on your shoulder when you sat down, gentle enough to only push you over slightly into the cushions. “Do we have to watch action again?”

“I thought you liked them,” he said, handing the remote to you, stopped on Schitt’s Creek. 

“I do but variety is the spice of life,” you said, clicking the select button.

“What’s this about? Is it going to confuse me?” he sighed, slumping down in his seat. 

“It’s funny. You’re gonna love it, trust me.”

It was a few hours later when you were almost through with the first season, Soldier Boy cracking up beside you. You’d never heard him laugh so much, so much lighter sounding than his speaking voice. And in the biggest shocker of all, David was his favorite character.

Maybe the boy was learning after all.

“Come on, one more,” he said when you tried to turn off the TV. He flopped on top of you and grabbed your wrists, grinning as he looked down at you. “We’ll sleep in. Live a little, Y/N.”

“You can’t just pin me down to get what you want,” you said, tossing the remote into the recliner. He pursed his lips before breaking out into a smirk. “Benjamin.”

“You know what I like about you, kiddo? I’m somehow never in charge around you. I like it when someone can keep up with me.” You hummed, smiling to yourself before you wrapped your legs around his waist and rolled down to the floor on top of him. It didn’t hurt him in the slightest and he released you on the way down, Soldier Boy staring up as you patted his cheek.

“You’re never gonna have the upper hand around me, sweetie,” you laughed. You sat up and pulled him to his feet, Soldier Boy smirking still. “No more TV tonight. I was thinking maybe we could go to the hardware store in the morning, you can pick out some landscaping things? You can practice being in public again.”

“You just want me to carry heavy things,” he grinned. You returned it, placing a hand on his muscular bicep. 

“You are more than just a pretty face, aren’t you?” You giggled, taking a step before your feet were off the ground, Soldier Boy carrying you one handed around the couch and down the hall. “Ben! Put me down!”

“Nah,” he laughed, grabbing the TV remote and hitting Netflix back on, holding you around the waist, flush back against his chest. You were literally nothing to him, Ben able to stand there and hold you as long as he pleased. “I’m thinking we watch one more episode.”

“Ben, I’m tired,” you groaned. He flicked off the TV and carried you down to your room, setting you down on top of your bed gently. You smiled, Ben cocking his head. “No one’s ever carried me to bed before.”

“S’because you’ve only ever dated weaklings, Y/L/N.” He winked and you threw a pillow at him, laughing as he ran out of the room. “Night!”

“Night Ben.”

The trip to the store had been going great until you needed to use the bathroom. At which point someone jumped you from behind in the secluded hallway, shot you up with a sedative and you proceeded to wake up with hands bound behind you next to a freshly dug hole.

The sky was dark, rain clouds overhead threatening to pour down and wash you away. You rolled, trying to get your bearings when a boot collided with your shoulder, dislocating it. The sudden sharp pain made you scream out, only interrupted by the flurry of punches that came. 

When your attacker finally let up, you were gasping for air. They grabbed your jacket and forced you to sit up, your eyes wide when you finally got a good look at the man.

“Dylan?” you breathed out. He grabbed your throat, smirking when you whimpered.

“Next time you think you killed someone, you better make sure.” He shoved you down to the ground, the side of his head shaved and revealing a long stitch. You shut your eyes, Dylan chuckling. “Yeah. You only grazed me a few weeks back. You should have shot me in the face. Now-”

“Dylan don’t,” you said, whining when he pressed on your shoulder.

“Now you’re gonna wish you’d done the job right. Don’t worry. You’re going to get a lesson real soon.” You forced your eyes open, spitting out blood onto the ground. “You should have kept your mouth shut.”

“You turned on me!” you shouted, Dylan leaning down to get in your face. Your bottom lip wobbled, the face of the kind man you’d once thought you’d loved gone. There’d always been something you didn’t fully trust with him. You thought it was the darkness in him. 

Turns out he was just working for the other side.

“I was assigned to make sure you didn’t tell anyone what the general did. By any means necessary. All those conversations about when we left the service, a family? I never wanted that shit. I was playing you for years, you dumb fuck. No one wants the broken girl,” he said, lips brushing over your ear. He sucker punched you in the gut, smiling when you curled into a ball. “But seeing as my boss is dead and my gravy train is gone, no thanks to you, it seems our relationship has hit another roadblock. I don’t think we’re getting past this one either.”

He stood and you watched him walk over to his truck, grabbing his gun from the glove compartment. It hung by his side as he walked closer, his head cocking.

“You should have kept your damn mouth shut.” You squeezed your eyes shut, a plink noise happening nearby. There was no sudden hot pain of a bullet though. No warm wave of peacefulness or nothingness so you were sure you weren’t dead.

Your eyes flashed open, a wall of dark green in front of you. It took a moment to realize it was moving, a pair of thick muscular thighs and a back with a star etched into the vest. The pointed shield was providing cover as he knelt in front of you, slowly rising to his feet.

“Soldier Boy,” croaked out Dylan. In less than a second Soldier Boy was on him, pining him down with one hand, resting dangerously over his throat. 

“You’re the boyfriend.” He pressed his finger against Dylan’s healing scar, Soldier Boy lifting him straight up and tossing him to the side. Dylan shouted when he hit the ground, Soldier Boy on top of him in a flash, straddling his body. “What kind of pathetic man betrays the woman he loves like you did? Real men protect. They care about their partner.”

He slammed his fist down, Dylan gasping before it went quiet. When he stood you saw the dent in where Dylan’s face used to be, now a gaping wide hole. You closed your eyes and shivered in the cool air, the sound of Ben’s heavy footfalls stopping close by. By the time you had the energy to open them, Ben was carrying you into the house, both of you wet from the rain that’d broken free from the skies.

He sat you on the kitchen counter and removed your shirt, inhaling sharply when it was gone.

“Deep breath,” he murmured. You didn’t want to know what he was about to do. You didn’t have the energy for it. You inhaled, his hands on your shoulder and popping your shoulder back into place. 

“Ah, fuck, fuck,” you whined, lowering your head and burying it in the solid chest in front of you.

“I know. I know. I have to clean you up and try to wrap your ribs.” Deep purple bruises littered your side from you’d been hit. It didn’t feel broken at least. 

Soldier Boy let you rest your head on him, deft hands tightly wrapping a bandage around your body. With shaking hands you gripped the counter’s edge, eyes squeezed shut as you tried to force the pain to dissipate. 

Something went over your head, eyes peeling open slowly to see one of his shirt’s you’d bought for him now shredded and tied together to use as a makeshift sling. Carefully he place your forearm in the shirt opening, fingers lingering on your arm.

He was quiet as he cleaned your face, wiping away dried blood, disinfecting the scuffs on your cheek. You knew you had a black eye, half your face in a bruise. Your eyes were locked onto his chest plate the entire time, unable to look him in the eye.

“You’re all set,” he mumbled. You nodded, a gentle touch turning your chin up. 

His face was unreadable.

“I’m sorry you had to save me,” you whispered. He touched his forehead to your own, a quiet chuckle escaping past pink lips. It sounded sad though, your eyes meeting his when it died off. For a few seconds, no one moved. There was only the sounds of breathing in the still room.

Then your lips were touching, Ben’s beard tickling your jaw, his hand cupping your uninjured cheek, thumb brushing over soft skin. 

You were expecting a dirty kiss. The kind of kiss you gave when you wanted someone’s body. The kind of kiss that said pure sex and nothing more.

You were not prepared for the softness behind his kiss. The slowness. The quiet hunger as your breath mixed together. 

He pulled back too soon, your head going a million miles an hour. He let out a deep breath, thumb still stroking over your skin. He was so close, so god damn close, his body caging yours in, like a protective shield.

“Never,” he breathed out, nose bumping yours as his chest rose and fell. “Never apologize for me saving you. Never, kiddo. Promise me.”

“Promise,” you said, voice barely making a sound. He nodded, moving your head with his. 

And then he was backing away, putting the supplies into the cupboards, throwing out the trash. He scooped you up and carried you into the bathroom, setting you on the tub’s edge, and leaving before you could say a word. 

He was scared about losing his lifeline to the outside world. That’s all that kiss had been, all those soft touches as he took care of you. 

That’s what you told yourself as you undressed and scrubbed yourself clean. That’s how it had to be. He was an asshole. Attractive and maybe he had saved your life and maybe he was trying to be a better person but he was an asshole. You were a woman. You were always going to be less than him in his eyes, right?

You swallowed when you left the bathroom and went into your room, your pajamas laid out on the bed for you already, an extra blanket sat on top along with a glass of water and pain medication.

Oh fuck.

Oh fuck no. Your asshole supe was not turning into a decent guy. No way. Not so fast. He wanted sex and that was it. That was…actually, that was the perfect plan.

If you went into his room right now and asked for a quickie, he’d say yes and prove you right. 

“Soldier Boy,” you called, walking across the hall a few minutes later in nothing but underwear and one of his shirts you’d stolen from the laundry. 

“Yeah?” he said as you opened the door, Ben sat with his back to it, staring out his dark window, watching the raindrops roll down.

“It’s been a long day and I could use some relief. I was-”

“No.” You stopped mid-step and blinked.

“It doesn’t have to be actual sex. I’ll return the favor,” I said. Ben looked over his shoulder, his face scrunched up.

“I said no. You’re hurt. Now go to bed and rest.”

“What about when I’m not hurt? Would you-” He stood up, instantly in front of you, Ben’s strong torso on full display, his flannel pants brushing against your thighs he stood so close.

“Back in my day when you kissed a girl like that, and she kissed you back like that, she normally didn’t look mortified when you opened your eyes.” You looked down, Ben’s hot breath fanning over your face. “I like you, Y/N. You infuriate me and it’s so fucking aggrivating trying to learn all this shit and genuinely change my feelings. It’s hard. Did you ever think the only reason I’m trying at all is because I don’t want you to be mortified after you kiss me? I know you don’t like who I am but part of you does. The part of you that doesn’t put up a bullshit strong front likes the part of me that doesn’t do that same exact thing. So I am sorry but no, I will not do anything with you, I won’t even touch you, until I’m that man you want me to be. The next time I kiss you, you’re not going to think I’m a monster, got it? You’re going to enjoy it because you and me, we don’t fuck each other over. We’re brutally honest with each other and have each other’s backs. Until that day, let’s forget this ever happened.”

You lifted your head, Ben’s face pained. You nodded, his body turning away as you caught his bicep. He looked back, body tensing when you slid a hand up to his cheek and pulled him down into a kiss.

It was short, a few seconds of heat, of slow movement. He looked horribly confused when you pulled back with a smile, cupping his cheek.

“Today, you told Dylan what I said to you, about being a real man. You listen to me and I see you trying to be better yet somehow I’m the one keeping a stereotype of you. So do not apologize to me, Ben. I was trying to prove to myself that you aren’t as good as you seem and you proved me wrong. I’m so sorry for that.”

“We’re both highly fucked up people. I think we’re allowed a few fucking missteps,” he said with a forced laugh. He cast his eyes downward, breathing slowly. “I’m not that man yet. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I thought…you were looking at me-”

“I don’t want to forget that kiss. For a few seconds, I forgot all about today.” You moved your hand down to his, grabbing it loosely. “I’m tired and so are you. Let’s just go to bed.”

He nodded, pausing when you didn’t let go of his hand and instead pulled him to walk with you across the hall to your room. You dropped it when you crawled under the covers, Ben standing there staring at you. You nodded to the other side, Ben sliding underneath the blankets, careful of your bad shoulder. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.” You reached behind yourself and took his arm, sliding it over your waist. He tugged you back to his bare chest, such a strong yet gentle hold on you and you’d never felt more safe in your life. “Goodnight Ben.”

“Night kiddo.”

________

A/N: Read Part 6 here!

[romanoffscottage]

you don’t have to be sorry

a/n: so sorry I was gone for so long, but I’m back!

warnings: black widow spoilers 

pairing: natasha romanoff x reader

summary: after the events of black widow, natasha comes home to you feeling guilty for leaving her family when she was younger (based on matilda by harry styles)

words: 808 | natasha x reader masterlist | navigation post

likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated and welcomed <3

Natasha was the strongest person you have ever known, so when she went off the grid, you know she was safe. Months passed with no word from Nat, but you knew, she was going to be okay. You knew she would reach out when it was safe. Most people thought you were crazy for having such faith, but they didn't know Nat like you did. No one could kill her unless she let them.

When Nat finally reached out to you, it was not how you imagined. You imagined a cryptic set of coordinates you were supposed to meet her at. You imagined meeting her at one of her hundreds of safe houses. You did not imagine her just showing up at your front door.

“Natasha?” She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks. The redhead didn’t give you an answer, she just wrapped her arms around you tightly. “Nat?” You said again, trying to see if she was okay. She muttered a barely audible “hi” back to you.

You carefully lead Nat into the house and sat her on the couch, “Do you want to go freshen up, or do you want to talk first?” You knew giving her choices always helped her. The redhead didn't answer, she only looked to the staircase, which you knew was an indication that she wanted to take a moment to freshen up first.

You carried Nat upstairs and gave her some privacy and all the time she needed to get herself situated. In the meantime, you took it upon yourself to grab some blankets, water, Nat’s favorite snacks, and light Nat’s favorite candle in the bedroom.

Forty-five minutes later Nat reappeared in the doorway of your bedroom. “Feel any better?”

“A little,” she responded, still looking very shaken up, “I messed up.”

You patted the space in bed next to you, “What are you talking about?” Nat crawled in next to you as you pulled her in close, “I didn’t actually kill Dreykov all those years ago, or his daughter.” Nat had told you the story of what happened in Budapest a few years ago, you knew how much that haunted her to this day. “Wait what? I don’t-”

“Me either, but he’s dead now and Antonia is safe now,” Natasha responded on the verge of tears. “Nat I’m so sorry you had to-”

“The red room wasn’t gone all this time, there wer- are thousands of girls that were under his control, Y/N they were completely mind controlled by him, because of me.”

“Woah woah woah, why is this your fault?”

“When I got out, when I defected, he made it harder for anyone to ever do that again.”

“How do you even-” Nat cut you off before you could even finish your sentence. “I found Yelena.” You had heard endless stories about Yelena and Ohio and Nat’s “family.”

“Yelena was under his control this entire time, so was Antonia. I can’t believe I didn’t look for her.”

“You thought she wanted nothing to do with you love…” You said trying to get her to stop blaming herself. “I should have stayed, I shouldn’t have left her, I-”

“Nat you don’t have to be sorry for doing what you had to do to survive.” Natasha looked at you with tears spilling out of her eyes, “But I left her, I left everyone.”

“But that wasn’t your intention, you thought the red room was gone. You thought Yelena was mad at you. You thought she didn’t want to see you, so you respected her space.” Natasha immediately curled into and sobbed.

“I saw Melina and Alexi too,” she said inbetween her sobs. You knew that Nat had a complicated relationship with them, she never viewed them as her “parents” because she knew Ohio was fake the whole time. “Y/N I feel guilty, Yelean said that Ohio was the best years of her life and that we lied to her about it, and we did lie, I lied, I-”

“Natasha you were eleven years old, you were trying to protect her, you were just a kid.”

“Yeah but I grew up and I left her behind. I left all of them and I-”

“You don’t have to be sorry for leaving and growing up.” Natasha looked up at you with a look on her face that you have never seen before. “Thank you.”

You didn’t know it, but Natasha always felt like she needed permission to leave her past behind her. To move on. To be free. You showed her that moving on is okay. That moving on is good. The past is scary and so is the future. But you showed her that she can live in the moment. That she cdoesnt have to worry about what was and what will be. She was free to just be.

[agentfaust]

MOON!! Can I pick your brain for more Ilsaethan headcanons/thoughts.......... particularly anything that's set immediately post-fallout sorry I'm in my "mi7 doesn't exist" arc

post-fallout — soft ilsaethan headcanons pt. 5

(because we are *all* in our mi7 doesn’t exist state of mind; so for the sake of these headcanons pretend it never happened)

ethan finds it really hard to sleep after missions. the adrenaline wears off but it leaves him twitchy and unable to stop thinking about the ‘what-if’s’ and the things he could’ve done differently. this mission was no exception. it’s even worse now that he’s stuck in a hospital bed. ilsa stays by his side and soothes him. unlike the imf in house therapist, she actually takes the time to listen to all his worries and acknowledge them.

a thing about ethan is that he gets very stressed when he sees his team injured. ilsa tells him what went down while he was in the air, but she skips over the part where lane knocked her out and tied her up. he keeps trying to get an explanation for her injuries, but she doesn’t tell him anything. when they finally let ethan read the mission reports, he’s absolutely crushed that ilsa didn’t tell him about that, and when he asks her why she kept that from him, she says she didn’t want to worry him. 

julia keeps ethan in the tent for exactly a week before she releases him to go on a flight back to virginia. she gives him orders to be on strict bed rest and basically enlists ilsa to enforce it. for almost another two weeks, she basically lives in his apartment — cooking whatever he feels like eating, making sure he takes all his meds regularly and on time. the first time she offers to help him change clothes, he almost melts. it becomes a routine of theirs: she helps him change into his pajamas at night, into something more casual in the mornings. they take turns initiating the way it ends — in a long hug. it’s after one of these moments that she tells him she’s leaving, and it’s the same moment he realizes he wants her to stay. 

when they finally get together, they end up retiring from fieldwork and make the very, very, impulsive decision to buy a bigger house and move in together. they spend the next few weeks driving around looking for a place, and end up signing the papers on an empty lot in the middle of the woods. together (and with the help of some professionals, of course), they build their dream house: a little cabin in the middle of the woods, remote enough so that they can go on walks and won’t be found, but not too far from civilization. it’s completely off the grid, independent, and perfect for their happy retirement together.

i forgot the format for these so i’ll just say drop a note if you enjoyed (which i really hope you did, lol) <3

[malum-forev]

Galas, New Dates and Exes

Summary: Bucky and (Y/N) broke up and they see each other for the first time at one of Tony's parties. The only problem is, she has a new date.

Comment if you want a part 2 :)

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt.4 Pt. 5 Pt.6

It had been almost six months since the two had broken up. The warm summer months, that made the tears falling from (y/n)’s eyes seem like they were burning her skin, had come and gone. Next came the crisp air and all too familiar cinnamon smells that would pull at her heart strings every now and then. Making the memories come back into her mind. It was as if the sound of crunching leaves or the sight of plaid and pumpkins accessed a restricted file in (y/n)’s brain, bringing back the thought of him holding her hand or having extra gloves with her at all times, after all vibranium at this time of year was always extra cold. (Y/n) found herself at the end of the cold weather. She had survived the holidays without him, the first time in years. The only thing she needed to get through was New Years.

“Isn’t this party a huge waste of money?” (Y/n) questioned while Pepper tried on her fifth dress.

“Instead of complaining, shouldn’t you be kissing our feet and exploding with gratitude?” Tony questioned as he entered the room. “I mean we did let you stay with us, if this house were on AirBnB you probably wouldn’t be able to afford it.”

“Tony” Pepper warned “you must be nicer to (y/n), you know what she’s going through.”

“Oh boohoo, you broke up with your robotic boyfriend. I’ve already offered to build you a new one!” Tony threw up his arms, picking out a sparkling emerald green dress for Pepper to wear.

(Y/n) threw herself on the couch with a groan.

“That’s what this is about right?” He asked almost ignoring (y/n), lowering his blue tinted sunglasses to get a better look at the dress Pepper was wearing. “That’s the one, no need to look for another one.”

“I haven’t seen him in such a long time, plus I don’t understand why I have to go to this party!” (Y/n) said, her voice muffled by the pillow she had smashed into her face.

“You know, I can have Morgan teach you something about being grateful with your hosts.” Pepper said with a smile. “You need to go because you’re an integral part of this family. Even Thor is coming! If the literal god of thunder can make it, I think you can too.”

“Plus, you’re an avenger and I pay for everything you guys do. So go on put a pretty dress on and act as if you don’t give a single shit about that bionic boy.” Tony said.

(Y/n) stood up and at the doorframe turned around with a raised eyebrow. “You got anymore nicknames you want to spill before I leave?”

“Metallic man.” Tony said with a smile. “That was the last one.”

“You need to practice, you’re falling kind of flat Stark.” (Y/n) said laughing as she left the room.

(Y/n) quickly texted Natasha.

(Y/n): you better be coming, I need somebody to do jagger shots with.

Nat: I think I’m gonna tell Tony that I have the flu or something

(Y/n): Don’t you dare! Plus, you owe me one. Or do I have to remind you of what happened the last time we were in Prague

Nat: What I meant to say is, you had me at jagger shots.

See you there at 7:30

(Y/n) smiled at her phone and went into the guest room where she had been staying at for the last couple of weeks. It was more or like her unofficial room at Tony and Pepper’s house. They were like the family she didn’t have, especially Pepper, she was like the sister (Y/n) always wanted. She was the one who discovered (y/n). Before becoming an avenger, she was on the run for years, trained by the CIA and used by various organizations as a spy. It wasn’t until she realized all the harm, she was doing that (y/n) decided to leave and fall completely off the grid. She left to an unknown city in upstate Connecticut, that was where she saved Pepper’s life. Somebody trying to get to Tony decided to follow Pepper in an attempt to kidnap her. (Y/n) followed the men and a few minutes later they were all on the floor, either groaning or dead. Pepper was left in a corner completely astonished by the woman that had fought her attackers before they even touched her. That was when she introduced (y/n) to Tony who offered her a job with the avengers. It had mostly been a blessing, until the former Winter Soldier broke her heart after two years of dating.

“If you really want to show him what he’s missing, you should wear the gold one. Gold really makes your hair and eyes pop.” (Y/n) heard a small voice say from behind her. Morgan had peaked her head into (y/n)’s room.

“What’s a dress gonna do Morg. I don’t even have a date!” (Y/n) huffed, as she turned around it’s like she could see the little knobs inside Morgan’s head turn. The child ran and brought back her parents into (y/n)’s room a few seconds later.

“If this is an intervention, I want nothing to do with it.” (Y/n) warned.

“We hadn’t said anything because we thought you weren’t ready. But if you want a date, we’ll get you someone that will make Bucky want to punch a hole through a wall.” Pepper said with her eyes lit up.

“Let’s show him that he made the worst mistake in his life.” Tony said with a smile.

What came next was like a scene from the Princess Diaries. Hair stylists, jewelers, make-up artists and fashion stylists came rushing into the room. Tugging at her hair and patting eyeshadow onto her lid while Tony set up the projector with a premade presentation.

“How long have you guys been waiting to do this?” (Y/n) said while her make-up artist scolded her for moving.

“We started when you first knocked on our door.” Pepper smiled.

“Shush, we have less than two hours to get her a date. Now, what’s your type? Philanthropists, Nobility, Trust Fund Babies or Millionaires?” Tony said while skipping through his presentation, showing (y/n) all of the potential dates.

“How am I supposed to know! My ex is a former assassin and before that I dated a barista.” (Y/n) said trying not to wince at her hair being almost pulled out.

“Tony, I think we need to bring in, him.” Pepper said raising her eyebrows while (y/n) looked around confused.

“I think you’re right.” Tony sighed as he shuffled through his contact list and pulled up a picture. “Crown Prince Nicholas Alexander Grimaldi. His father is the King of Monaco and his mother comes from an oil family. They basically have more money than most of the states in the US combined. He’s also an amazing dancer, cook and basically knows how to have a good time.”

“He’s basically Tony’s dream man,” Pepper said before whispering “You know before Steve Rogers came into the picture.”

(Y/n) smiled and wearily nodded her head. “You guys think this will work?”

“Let’s put it this way, when Barnes takes one look at this guy, he’ll want to go full Winter Soldier mode.” Tony said with a smile, feeling proud of his discovery.

“We’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s also amazing in the sack.” Pepper wiggled her eyebrows at (y/n).

“Oh, trust me, my guy will make you completely forget about whatever that vibranium arm can do.” Tony said, not looking up from his phone, already calling the crown prince.

There was nothing else she could do but sigh and hope that this plan would work.

-.-.-

A few hours later (Y/n) found herself actually enjoying her time with Nicholas. They were both at the bar talking about how they found themselves here.

“Tony is a great friend of the family. We usually golf together in the spring, I find it crazy he never mentioned you.” Nicholas said while passing (y/n) another martini. He was even more handsome than the picture.

“Oh, I’m sure he said something about me at some point.” (Y/n) smiled as she shifted her eyes towards the door.

“Trust me, I would have remembered if he’d said something about you.” He shot her an award-winning smile before he turned to look at the door confused. “Nasty breakup?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be thinking about that. I guess I’m just nervous.” She shot him an apologetic smile.

“Don’t worry, the first time seeing each other after the fact is the worst.” He said and completely surprised (y/n). “I just got out of an engagement about six months ago, well seven today.”

“Me too! Six months and a half-” (Y/n) said before having the air punched out of her lungs when she saw Bucky coming into the party. He looked better than ever, it was something she didn’t even think was possible. He was wearing an all-black suit, she was positive it was the one she had chosen for him. Nicholas saw Bucky and knew his time had come.

“Follow my lead, laugh. Act as if I just told you an amazing joke.” He whispered in her ear and she complied. He took her by the waist as she laughed and kissed her shoulder before bringing his whiskey cup to her martini glass.

That was the first thing he heard, her laugh. It was as if Bucky was transported to another dimension, where he didn’t hear the booming music and just heard her. He shifted his head, trying to find her in the crowded room. That’s when he saw (y/n), her head tilted back and her nose furrowed, something that she would always do when she laughed. In that moment, everything froze, and he could have sworn he heard his heart break a little bit more when he saw another man’s hand on her waist.

“Buck? You, okay?” It was as if he heard Steve from a distance even if he was standing right next to him.

“Wh-What?” Was all that Bucky could say, not being able to focus on another thing but (y/n).

“I’m sorry, Tony told me that she was bringing somebody. I just thought it was one of Stark’s jokes, I didn’t think she was actually bringing a date.” Steve said while gripping one of Bucky’s shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“I’m going to be fine, but he won’t.” Bucky said through gritted teeth.

“Buck, don’t.” Steve warned to no avail, Bucky was already on his way to see her.

“Trust me on this.” Nicholas said and before (y/n) could even react, the prince pulled her towards him and kissed her.

(Y/n) was stunned for a moment and the only thing she could think of was to turn to the bartender.

“Can I get two jagger bombs please?” She asked, still trying to catch her breath.

“You know, you shouldn’t mix your alcohols. Unless you want to forget tonight. I wouldn’t judge you, I would want to do that too if this moron was my date.” (Y/n) immediately recognized Bucky’s voice from behind her, it sent chills down her spine. He was pissed off.

“Shit.” Was the only thing she could say.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 18*

Okay don't hate me that it not's terribly long, but I started a little too late and now it's 3 am. I kinda had a busy day.

But I knew you needed some floof. 😉

Chapter 17

Chapter 19

Tag List

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@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

----

Meanwhile back in your room

The doctors had finally gotten you rebandaged and calm, before leaving you both alone in your room at last.

"Alright now that you're ok…" Rafael gave you a look. "What is wrong with you?! Why would you come here?!"

You made an annoyed face back at him while pointing to your throat. Obviously you weren't going to be able to tell him.

".... Right," Rafael sighed, then saw your phone. He picked it up and handed it to you. You opened the notes app and typed something, then handed it to him.

"You left me," he read aloud. "I didn't! I tried to see you so many times, bur Sonny made it his mission to keep us apart so I--"

You reached over and tapped the phone screen rapidly, emphasizing your statement.

*...I left," he conceded with a defeated look. He knew you were right; he had just taken off without thinking about you, he just knew what he had to do for him and his feelings.

"But you couldn't have just waited for me to come home?" He asked.

You grabbed the phone back and quickly typed a reply, handing it back to him with a cross face.

"How was I supposed to know you would come back?" He read aloud again. "Because it's my home? Because presidential campaigns don't last forever?! Because I love you? Because--"

Your ears perked up and your eyes went wide at the last statement and you clamped your hand on his arm, making him stop listing things.

“What?” He asked. You made a face at him like, “Are you serious?”

“Oh, why are you so shocked? I already told you this?” Rafael asked, completely confused

You realized that everything he said at the apartment was true, you hadn’t made it up.He really did love you. You started to tear up at the fact that you had for once not made up the most beautiful thing anybody has ever told you in your mind. Pretty soon you were full on sobbing thinking about how you had thought about nothing but this moment for so long, through all of the terror and torture you had gone through in the last few weeks.

“Oh my God, Y/N calm down!” He started to freak out while you silently cried, your bandages starting to fill with blood again as your chest heaved from your sobbing.

“Calm down baby, just breathe,” He pressed his forehead against yours, whispering softly.

You took the phone again and tried to calm yourself as you typed quickly, then handed it back to Rafael.He read it out loud:

“I thought I made that up in my drunken, stupid head,” He looked at you with a soft smile. “No you didn't make it up. “In fact, I technically told you twice, if you can remember,”

You took the phone again and typed, “The operating room,”

He nodded back with a yes. “It took me a while to remember it too,”

You did your best not to start crying again from happiness this time because you knew that any sort of major emotion was going to rupture your bandages. So you just gently squeezed Rafael's hand as if to say you loved him back.

“....Okay but that still doesn't excuse you from just taking off without telling anybody, and nearly getting yourself killed!” He scolded you, but kept his head pressed against yours.

“I don't know what I would have done if the chief hadn't found you sooner. I don't want to think about it,” Rafael shook off the intense fear he had had when Andrew had first mentioned you as a Jane Doe, and then told you the horrifying way that he found you.

You took the phone again and began typing away, and once again handed it back to him. He read aloud,

“Yeah, probably not one of my best ideas. But I would have been fine if not for Chicago,”

His face fell and his voice fell soft as he said “In Chicago,” He gave you a very serious look. You had a sad and scared look on your face, as if you were ready for him to start yelling at you again when he found out what happened in Chicago.

“So something bad did happen to you in Chicago,'' he said softly. You nodded in shamed silence. He took your hand. “That nurse said you had severe tearing....down there,”

He took another long pause really not wanting to ask you the question but he had to know. “Did you get assaulted in Chicago?”

You couldn't help it, the question made you break down into silent sobs once again. Your blood began to soak through your bandages. Rafael wrapped his arms around you, trying to calm you down. He looked up to the sky and tried to keep tears in his own eyes as he held you, thinking about the hell you must have gone through to get to him. He felt like all of this was his fault.

“What happened?” He pulled you away from his chest for a second and asked you. You took the phone once again and softly typed a long-winded story then handed the phone back to him, ashamed. He was scared to read it but he knew that he had to if he was going to help you through this.

“I was an idiot,” he stopped. “First of all, no, you're not an idiot. Don't ever say that,” He told you sternly before continuing.

“I hadn't eaten since I left the city, which was about 20 hours and I was starving. There was a two-hour layover, so I went to an ATM and emptied the rest of my bank account so that I could carry cash and stay off the grid. Then I decided to get food down the street but I didn't know that the train station was in such a bad part of Chicago. I should have known,”

He stopped again. “No you shouldn't have, none of this is your fault,”

You shook your head like you didn't believe him, and then tapped the phone, signaling him to keep reading. He sighed reluctantly, but obeyed.

“On my way back to the train station it was dark and this guy asked me if I had the time and when I went to go get my phone he grabbed my purse and somebody else hit me from behind. Next thing I knew when I woke up... “

Rafael paused, he really didn't want to read this part you really didn't. But he knew that if he was going to help you get through this he needed the whole story.

“When I woke up I was… ’stuck’ between two guys while a third one videoed it.They were all laughing and high-fiving each other--”

Rafael stopped once more and put the phone down, unable to bring himself to read the rest. He looked at you and you got ready for the lecture, but to your surprise he just started to cry and crawled into the bed next to you, holding you as close to him as humanly possible.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, fuck I am so so so sorry,” He sobbed into your chest. You shook your head violently, making him look at you while you typed.

“No, it’s not your fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid--” He stopped you from typing any more.

“Alright, enough. You’re not going to blame this on yourself, do you hear me? It is one hundred percent not your fault,”

You typed: “Not your fault either,”

“...Alright fine, if I don’t blame myself will you stop blaming yourself?” He compromised. You nodded ‘Yes’.

And then you typed: “Bad things happen.”

“Yes but too many bad things have happened to you lately, ever since you met me,” He shook his head sadly while stroking your face with his thumb.

“Not true,” you typed. “The best thing happened after I met you,”

“...The amazing sex?” He was finally able to tease you a bit. You nodded vigorously with a silent giggle. “Well yeah, obvi,” You typed. “But also, love,”

“Yes, very true,” He agreed. “But love shouldn’t be this hard, carino,”

You looked at him very seriously before typing “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” He got up from the bed. “I’m saying look where loving me has gotten you! You almost died trying to find me. You got assaulted because I took off on you. Nothing good has happened to you since this started, and loving me doesn’t count because it’s what’s killing you!”

“Okay counterpoint,” You typed furiously. “I almost died trying to find you, and now that I did you’re not going to let that be for nothing, are you?”

“I don’t…” He sighed and sat back on the bed next to you. “No, I guess not. I just--I can’t believe you did this,”

“You’re never getting rid of me,” You typed and then gave him a sly grin.

“Yeah well, I think I already knew that carino,” He chuckled, once again revealing the matching scars you had.

“You’re a part of me,” You typed while he resumed nestling back into your chest.

“So if I need a kidney, we’re square?” He gave you a tongued smile while you hit him playfully. It was then that you realized this entire time since you had been reunited, he hadn’t kissed you. You repeated the gesture of typing and handing him your words, as he read aloud:

“Kiss?” He gave you a look. “Baby I have wanted nothing more since I saw you alive, but I don’t want to...break you, any more than you already are,”

Type type type. Hand. Read.

“...I’m broken without you inside me,” He laughed out loud. “Kinky, carino,”

You gave him a pout before he shook his head with a chuckle, and pulled your face towards him, his lips inching towards yours for the first time in months….

“Alright, Mr. Barba,” Nurse Ratchet aka Laverne busted back in the room with a clipboard. You both snapped to attention at the sudden noise, the moment was gone.

“...The hell is your problem, lady?” Rafael snapped, not moving from your side. In fact, he wrapped a protective arm around you, as if she was going to try and take you from him again.

“Well I’ve spoken to Mr. Carisi, and he tells me that you two shouldn’t be fraternizing, that it’s detrimental to her sobriety,” She informed him with a scornful look.

“Oh for the love of--” He muttered obscenities in Spanish under his breath.

“So I’m afraid at his request, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” She smirked.

“The hell I am,” He held onto you tighter. “Do you have any idea what this girl has been through to get to me? To get to us again?”

“Exactly his point, Mr. Barba,” She crossed her arms. “She clearly has no logical thinking when it comes to you. Her feelings make her completely unstable mentally and lead her into harm’s way, now you don’t want that, do you?”

“No…” He was letting her get in his head, he shifted uncomfortably and started to move his arms away from you but you clenched it to keep him from letting go of you.

Oh no, FUCK this. You did not come this far for your insanely overbearing cousin strong-arming Rafael through a nurse with a ‘mama bear’ complex. You waved your arms back and forth in a big X formation, letting her know Rafael was not going anywhere.

“Sweetie, this is for your own--” She tried the ‘good cop’ bullshit on you, but you weren’t stupid.

You put your hands up to your throat, clutching the bandages around your neck. You tugged at them ever so slightly, a sign you were threatening to rip them off if she didn’t back the hell up, right now. Both Laverne and Rafael reacted, both reaching towards your hands. You put a hand up to Rafael’s face, and a wagging finger up to Laverne’s.

“...She’s going to kill herself if you don’t leave right now, do you think Mister Carisi would appreciate that?” He warned, and you nodded in agreement with a scowl.

“This is only proving your cousin’s point, Y/N,” Laverne pointed out. “You’re acting insanely right now!”

You grabbed your phone and began to type away. Threatening looks wouldn’t work anymore. You handed your phone to Rafael and nudged him to read it out loud to Laverne,

“I don’t care what you, or my cousin thinks. I don’t care if you think I’m being ‘insane’, because what matters is I’ll still do it. I swear to God if you do not leave this room right now I will rip these bandages off so fast, it will be a bloodbath. And my…”

He stopped reading, blinking a few times before continuing:

“...My boyfriend is the best lawyer in New York City and he will sue you and this hospital so fast for malpractice. And he will beat you so hard, you’ll have to rename the whole hospital after him!”

You saw the surprise and sensed the hesitation in his voice when he said ‘boyfriend’, but he did say it-- so that had to be a good sign.

“Your boyfriend?” Laverne said with an unbelievable laugh. “Seriously? Honey…”

“Yes, her boyfriend,” He doubled down on the label, making you smile. He then stood up and took a step towards her as he kept talking.

“And if her cousin has a problem with it, he can take it up with me if and when he gets here. As for you, it’s none of your damn business, so you can take your threats and your judgement out of here right now,”

You crossed your arms and gave her a shit eating grin with a huge YES nodding notion.

“....Fine, we’ll see what’s what when he gets here, and he IS coming. He’s on his way,” She muttered as she walked out of the room.

“Ohhhh I’m sure he is,” Rafael rolled his eyes with a sarcastic smile as he resumed his place at your side. He looked at you, you had the giddiest smile on your face. “What?”

Type Type Type. Hand.

“Boyfriend,” He gave you a small amused smile. “Well, I’d hope so after all this, don’t you think?”

You nodded an enthusiastic YES once more, absolutely in heaven. The only thing that would make it better right now was his mouth on yours.

As if reading your mind, Rafael took your face in his hands, kissing you deeply. You felt your throat moving as you kissed him back, as did he. He quickly stopped, but you just took his hands and moved them gently around your neck, pressing them down as if to say ‘just keep pressure on them,’

“I’ll be gentle,” He assured you, putting pressure over the wound as you kissed, keeping the bandages in place. Then he pulled back for a second as he added “....For now,” with a cheeky grin.

You hoped your happy little bubble wouldn’t be busted when Sonny showed up.

[ssa-babygirl]

Out of My League [Part 3]

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader

Word count: ~4.5k 

Summary: Nothing brings two friends together like a bit of grief with a side of daddy issues. (Mixed POV, includes flashbacks)

Warning(s): As the summary states, angst, grief and daddy issues, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of cancer, a few swear words, i think that’s it??? i use the word “smile” like 138407894 times i’m so sorry i hate noticing my crutch words

Author’s Note: I am SO sorry how long this took I honestly have no excuse, this chapter isn’t even that great but this is only two thirds of what I actually intended this part to be so GUESS WHAT I SPLIT IT UP!!!! the next part shouldn’t take too long (I say that but watch it’s gonna take like another year) and it’s gonna be super fluffy so DON’T Y’ALL WORRY IT’S GONNA BE FLUFF CENTRAL FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTERS

[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]

WASHINGTON D.C., 2007

(Reader POV)

You had only been to D.C. a few times before to visit your dad, normally under happier circumstances, such as him getting sworn in for another term, but this time was not the case. You got the phone call from your mother the evening before when you quickly packed yours and Jamie’s bags for the flight that left later that night. The few hours you had spent in D.C. already felt like long days. You were physically and emotionally exhausted. Jamie had never been on a plane before and was grappling with the effects of jet lag.

You needed a bit of a pick-me-up yourself, so you ran over to a coffee shop for a bit of a change of scenery. It was about eight o'clock in the morning when you heard your name being called, but not by the barista making your drinks, but by a familiar voice that you had only heard over the phone for a couple of months since his last visit home. You turned around to face the source and locked eyes with Spencer.

“Hey!” You smiled, trying your best to not look like you had just had the longest 24 hours of your life.

“What are you doing here? Why didn’t you say you were gonna be in town?”

“I didn’t know I was gonna be in town until last night!” Spencer could see right through you. He pursed his lips, not asking what was wrong yet, but still opting to check-in and make sure you’re okay.

“How are you feeling? Jet lagged?”

“Some profiler.” Your chuckle came out more annoyed than you would have liked it to. 

“What’s up?”

“Nothing, just getting some coffee--”

“No, like, are you okay?” He knew something was wrong, he wasn’t stupid, quite the opposite, by a long shot.

“I’m fine, Spence,” you lied through your teeth.

“Then who isn’t?” Panic and worry flashed across his face, “Is Jamie okay?

“Yes! He’s fine!” You couldn’t help but smile at the relief Spencer displayed that your son was safe and well, his hand coming up to rest over his heart. You hesitated for a second before giving in and telling him why you seemed so off, “My dad’s sick in the hospital.”

“Oh! Do they know what’s wrong with him?”

“Yep. Stage 4 lung cancer.” Your dad had been a smoker for most of your life. He tried to quit after Jamie was born, but the damage had already been done.

Spencer looked genuinely heartbroken as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to think of what to say next “Do you know how much time he has?”

“Couple of weeks if we’re lucky.”

His eyebrow furrowed and his golden eyes softened to an impossible degree, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. This wasn’t sudden, we’ve been expecting it, but when the doctor says eight to twelve months, and you get through month eight, you start hoping it’s gonna be twelve.”

“Are you going back to the hospital now?”

“Yeah-”

“I’ll come with you!”

“Don’t you have work?”

“I don’t have to be there for another hour and,” he checks his watch, which was pulled over the sleeve of his dark gray cardigan, “fifty-six minutes.”

“The hospital’s out of the way and you hate being late.”

“I hate the thought of you going through this alone even more.” You tried to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling that gave you but ultimately failed. Those big brown eyes refused to stop studying your face, analyzing any signs that you needed him, which to be fair, you did.

“I’m not alone, I got Jamie and my mom.”

“Even more the reason for me to want to go with you.” He finally dropped the solemn frown and took up a bright smile instead. You swore his grin was contagious because, by the time you both got your coffees, you were smiling just as wide.

You drove back to the hospital in comfortable silence. Walking back to your father’s room felt easier with him by your side. Jamie looked up from his drawing as he saw you approach, beaming at you and his favorite federal agent.

“Doctor Spencer!” He came running up to him and hugging his legs.

“Hey, little man!” Spencer ruffled his hair and grinned down at the tiny human squeezing his arms around his thigh.

Your mother looked up from her book, “Doctor? Spencer? Wait. As in…”

“Yeah, mom.”

She stands and wraps him in a hug, “Oh my goodness, sweetheart, you got so big! You’re all grown up! Oh, and you’re cute, too!” She pinched his now pink cheek as his face twisted into a bashful smile, “Right, Y/N? Spencer got cute!”

Now you were blushing a little.

Why am I blushing? I don’t blush over Spencer!

You pursed your lips and looked him up and down. His striped tie was crooked under his cardigan. His long hair was a bit shaggy, as if he rolled out of bed, showered, and decided to go to work. You just laughed nervously as you met Spencer’s eyes. God, those eyes. “Yeah… I’d say so.”

“You definitely grew into your looks. Honey, this is Spencer. Remember the boy that used to tutor Y/N?”

“Oh, nice to finally meet you, son, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Your father shifted in his bed, managing to sit up slightly.

“You too, sir, I just wish it could have been under better circumstances.”

“Don’t give me any of that ‘sir’ crap, I got enough of that working on the Hill,” your father chuckled but his hearty laugh quickly devolved into a coughing fit. Your mother sat back down on the bed next to him and fed him some ice chips to keep him hydrated.

“So, Spencer, Y/N says you work for the FBI now?” She turns her attention away from her husband and forces a smile.

“Yes! I do.”

You took a seat and sipped your coffee, “He was on the team that helped save Jamie, remember?”

“What division are you in?” Your dad asked.

“The Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“I got some buddies in the bureau, who’s your supervisor?”

“Aaron Hotchner?”

“Oh, I knew him in his prosecutor days. Helluva lawyer, he got some of my clients put away.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be, they were guilty, weren’t they?”

Spencer’s phone rang in his pocket, “Speaking of which, I have to go. Got a case.”

“Go! Don’t be late!”

“Go catch the bad guy, Doctor Spencer!”

“Will do, Jamie.” He ruffled his hair before turning to your parents, “Goodbye, Mr. and Mrs. L/N, it was great seeing you.”

“Bye, sweetheart, don’t be a stranger!”

“I’ll walk you out, return the favor.” You walked quietly with him.

“Listen, I don’t know when I’ll be home from this, but I’ll let you know when I get back, and if you’re still here just give me a call, okay?”

“Of course, Spence. Now go catch the bad guy!” You grinned as you parroted your son’s words. He returned your smile and pulled you into a hug. You could feel tears brimming in your eyes, but you fought it off best you could. Spencer could still sense your pain and hugged you as tight as possible. You were the one to pull away first, patting his back and forcing your pursed lips into a smile. His phone started to ring shortly after.

“Don’t let me keep you.”

            (Spencer’s POV)

The case went on for too long. Two whole weeks passed before we were able to come home from Minneapolis. A man was strangling women with short black hair between the ages 30-40 because they reminded him of his mother, it’s standard stuff, it should have been a pretty cut and dry case, but the guy was almost impossible to find, he was completely off the grid. It took Garcia days to just get us a name, let alone contact information. He killed two other women while we were there. One of them was a mother, she had three kids all under the age of 10. Cases like these were always tough, but Gideon had seen enough to talk us all through it. I still wasn’t used to him being gone.

I couldn’t get any sleep on the jet. The nightmares have been coming back with a vengeance since Gideon left. He was like a father to me, my protector, my mentor, and now I have no one.

That’s hyperbolic; I do have the team, and they miss him too, but I’m pretty much alone out on the field. I know I can go to them, but it doesn’t feel right. I don’t like to rely on others because when they leave, I’m by myself.

Which is exactly why I am the only one awake on the jet home.

I suppose I wasn’t totally alone, I could call Y/N, but I wouldn’t wanna bother her if she was with her family. She only has so much time left with her dad. I took my phone out of my pocket anyway and saw a missed call from her last night, I hadn’t seen it before because of the case. If she wanted to talk she probably needed to, right?

I mulled it over in my head, and before I could even come to a decision, my fingers worked on autopilot, dialing the same number I had memorized years ago, and hit call.

Las Vegas, 1994

I picked up the book from the top of the pile she set down on the counter, “You’re reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

“Yeah, for class.”

“If you need any help with that, my mother was a classics professor, I’ve read most of Shakespeare’s works.”

“Really? That’s cool. I’ve read the basics in other classes, Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet, Macbeth, all that, but this one is definitely my favorite so far.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I don’t know why, but the idea of falling in love with the wrong person just sorta… I dunno… resonates, I guess.”

“Yeah, same here.”

She snorted, “You’re like 12, how would you know about that?”

I bit my lip before explaining, “Reminds me of my parents. They loved each other at one point, obviously, but not enough to stop my dad from leaving us.”

She cringed to herself as if she realized some horrible mistake, “Jeez, I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“How long ago did he leave?”

“Two years ago.”

“So it’s just been you and your mom?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at the pencil as she twisted it in between her fingers. Her eyes refused to meet mine. “My dad has worked in D.C. pretty much my whole life, and a lot of the time it was just my mom and me. He was always home for Christmas and birthdays, he came to all my recitals as a kid, but he was gone the rest of the year. I see him maybe… fifteen days out of the year?”

She finally looked up, if only for a second. Seeing her eyes, at last, I took note of the sadness behind them, “Which is fine, it’s better than nothing, but I don’t really have a dad the other 350 days of the year, you know? I could call him, but I don’t, it’s always ‘Sorry sweetheart, I’m a bit busy right now.’”

“Yeah, my dad was always too busy too.”

“I know our situations are still really different, and you probably already know this after two years, but it does get easier.”

Present Day

(Reader POV)

You click the button to answer the call, “Spencer?”

“Hey! We’re landing soon, you still in D.C.?” His voice is scratchy like he had just woken up, or like he hadn’t spoken to anyone in a couple of hours.

“Y-yeah! I’m still staying with my mom.”

“How’s your dad?”

You didn’t answer. You didn’t have to, your silence answered his question well enough.

“Oh, shit…” Spencer groaned, “God, Y/N, I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be, you didn’t know.”

“How long ago?”

“Last week, the funeral was yesterday.” You could hear him grimace over the phone.

“Y/N I am… so sorry I couldn’t be there for you—”

“Don’t be! You had to work, it’s okay, Spencer.”

“I should have called sooner.”

You almost laughed at his tone, “Spencer, you were catching a serial killer, it’s not your responsibility to make sure I’m okay.”

“I know, but—”

“But nothing. I’m fine.”

“How’s Jamie, god, how’s your mother?”

“She’s holding up. I’m helping her out for a while, I don’t want her to be in this house alone.” You decided to leave out the part about you putting a downpayment on an apartment a couple of blocks away from your mother’s house for now.

“How’s Jamie doing?” He asked with perfect timing as Jamie flopped onto the couch behind you.

“Wanna talk to him? He’s right here.”

“Can I? Please?”

“Jamie, baby, wanna talk to Doctor Spencer?” He didn’t even say yes before he leaped up from his seat and grabbed the phone from your hand.

“Hi, Doc!”

“Hey, little man! How’s it going? How are you?” You could still hear his excited voice even though it was nowhere near your ear anymore. It brought a smile to your face as you saw Jamie light up at the sound of your friend on the other side of the call.

“I’m okay. Did you catch the bad guy?”

“Yes, Jamie, we got him. How’s your mom?”

“She’s saying she’s fine, but she’s still really sad.”

“Well, can you put her back on with me?” Jamie hands the phone back to you and runs off to return to his coloring book and crayons.

You sighed before putting the phone back to your ear, “Don’t worry about me, Spence—”

“Come to the BAU.”

He said the words so fast you almost needed him to repeat it, “What?”

“I mean it, I’ll call you when we land, come visit. Bring Jamie and your mom.”

“Won’t you have a ton of work to do when you land?”

“I couldn’t sleep, I did all my paperwork on the jet.”

“Spencer—”

“Please. I need to see you guys.” He was practically begging. It tugged at your heart in a familiar way, but there was a pit in your stomach that you couldn’t place.

“What happened on the case?”

He sighed, “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Just come in like, an hour.”

You tried to lighten the mood just a little bit, “My mom’s been obsessively baking, want us to bring you your favorite?”

“Did she make her famous oatmeal cookies?” You could almost see his face and the way his brown eyes lit up, even while he was on a plane hours away.

The image brought a soft smile to your face and sparked a tiny bit of light in your heart, “Yep!”

“Y/N L/N, if you bring me some, I will be forever indebted to you.”

“You owe me nothing, Doctor Reid.”

               Security waved you through to the elevator, Spencer had cleared you for entry already. One guard hit the button for the sixth floor and sent you up, one hand holding Jamie’s and the other holding a Tupperware of your mom’s cookies. When the doors opened, you saw the entrance to the bullpen, desks filled with paperwork, and busy agents trying to get it all done. As the three of you crept through the hall to the glass doors, your eyes locked onto Spencer, who was sprawled out in his office chair with a thick book, legs propped up on his desk, and glasses balanced on the ridge of his nose.

“Hi! Who are you here to see?” A chipper blonde with purple cat eyeglasses and curly ponytails waved at you from down the hall.

“Spencer Reid?”

“Oh! He mentioned he’d have visitors, you must be Y/N! I’m Penelope.”

“That’s a pretty name!” Jamie beamed up to the woman, who clutched a hand over her heart and returned his smile.

“Oh! Thank you, sweetheart! What’s your name, kiddo?”

“Jamie!”

“Oh you are just precious, he is precious, Y/N, good kid.”

You laughed at the pair’s enthusiasm, “Thank you, can we just go straight in?”

“Yep! Go ahead!”

You walked up to his desk and placed the cookies next to his computer, pulling his attention away from his book. He turned to look up at you, closing the book and throwing it where his feet rested before he jumped up to wrap his arms around you. Jamie hugged his leg and your mother pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Hey, how are you guys doing?”

“Spencer, we’re fine.”

He didn’t say anything, just examined your face for any sign of a lie. The frustration on his face said he didn’t find one.

“Stop profiling me, I’m okay.”

“Mommy, can I have a cookie now?” Jamie eyed the container like a hawk; he shared Spencer’s love of oatmeal cookies, especially from your mom.

“Right! You brought your cookies, thank you so much, Mrs. L/N.”

“You’re not a kid anymore, honey, you can call me by my first name.”

“No, I absolutely cannot,” he laughed.

“Y/N?”

You turned around and saw the woman who hugged you while you cried when you thought your son was gone: JJ.

“Hi! Good to see you again!” You brought her in for a hug while Spencer continued to catch up with Jamie and your mom.

“You too! Jamie got so big!” 

“Yeah, he’s starting 3rd grade soon!” You reached around to ruffle Jamie’s hair.

“When does he start?”

“A few weeks! We gotta go back to school shopping!”

“Ooh, that’s exciting! So you’re heading home soon?”

“Um…” You glanced at Spencer and your mom, who was pestering him about whether or not he had a girlfriend, “Actually, I just thought it would be best for us to stay close to my mom. Jamie likes it here, so we’re actually going to be moving here before school starts.”

“A new school! Are you excited, Jamie?”

“Yeah!”

Spencer, still a blushing mess thanks to your mother’s nosiness, sputtered out “Uh… Excited for what?”

“To move to D.C.!” You raised your hands in a little “Surprise!” motion.

“W-what?” He couldn’t stop himself from looking delighted even if he tried.

“We’re moving here to stay close to my mom.”

“She’s been such a good help,” she gestured to the cookies, half gone over the course of the conversation, “I’m not really ready to give her up just yet.”

“Spence, you should show her around!” JJ’s face had an unreadable look, but I guess that’s what profilers are for “Take her sightseeing. Jamie, have you been to the Washington Monument yet?”

“Nope! Doctor Spencer, can you take us?”

“Sure, little man, you want your mom and grandma to come with?”

“Yes!”

Spencer grinned at him, ruffling his curls before smiling at you. His eyes were scrunched into thin lines from his cheeks, but there was still something behind them. Something you couldn’t quite read. His smile softened slightly and you finally got a clear view of his hazel eyes. His lips parted like he was about to say something, but Jamie cut him off again.

“Ooh! Ooh! Can we go to the Smithsonian?”

“Oh, honey, you’re gonna wish you didn’t say that,” JJ joked.

“The kid knows everything, you’ll be there for hours,” a deep voice said behind you.

“Morgan!” You smiled and stretched your arms out to hug him.

“Good to see you again, Y/N.”

When you turned back to Spencer, his warm grin was gone, replaced by a glare directed at Morgan. Had something happened with them? Last you heard they were best friends. Maybe that’s what happened on the case? Maybe that’s why he was so upset on the phone? Whatever it was had to be bad because he barely spoke for the rest of the visit.

               A few weeks later, after you were all moved into your new apartment and Jamie was settled into his new school, you called Spencer. He owed you a trip to the Washington Monument. On your little day trip, there was no such thing as silence. Even in the quiet museum, Spencer’s voice filled the air, spewing facts about the monument, the memorial, the exhibits, and everything in between. Jamie loved to learn, so he hung onto every word that he heard.

“Plans for the monument’s development actually started in 1783, before Washington was even elected president. D.C. wasn’t even the capital of the country yet. Washington was actually against the monument because he didn’t want to use public funds for it, but after his death, Congress wanted to build him a mausoleum--”

You didn’t mind the rants. You still loved to listen to him ramble. Even if you didn’t understand what he was talking about sometimes, the sound of his voice was just soothing, especially after the stress of moving across the country. 

Jamie got tired after walking around all day after the tour of the National Museum of Natural History and the Washington Monument, so your mom offered to take him home. You planted a kiss to his forehead and ruffled his hair, hugging your mom goodbye as Spencer high fived him and waved as they went off in the direction of home.

“You know, you didn’t have to stay with me. If you wanna go home too, you can.”

“No. I wanna stay with you.”

A small smile crept across his lips, blush rising to his cheeks. He bit his lips and looked down at his feet as he started walking off to the next stop on his little tour.

“Where to now, Doc?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Come on, tell me, tell me!”

“No, ‘cuz then it’s not a surprise!”

“I’m aware of the definition of surprise, you don’t need to have an eidetic memory to know that.” You would just have to rely on your less refined profiling skills to figure out where you were going. You were on foot, so it couldn’t be too far. 

“Why aren’t we taking a cab?”

“Because I wanna walk with you.”

Just hail a cab, it takes way less time than--

Oh.

You walked side by side for the remainder of the distance. He did most of the talking, telling you stories about the team. You took notice of the softness in his voice when he talked about Morgan. He wasn’t bitter anymore. 

“--And then Garcia answered the phone.”

“Oh, god, what’d she say?”

“‘Talk dirty to me.’”

“No!”

“Yep!”

“She said that to your boss.”

“Morgan was mortified, you should have seen his face.”

You looked at him while he grinned at the memory. It was the most at peace you’d seen him in… well, a while.

“So… you guys are cool now?”

The peace was replaced with confusion, “What do you mean?”

Your pace faltered, but you kept walking, “Didn’t you guys…? Weren’t you fighting?”

“No? Why would you think that?”

You pursed your lips and furrowed your brows, “No reason.”

Why else would he have been mad at Morgan when I went to visit? You thought, There’s no other reason! Unless… 

Oh--

“We’re here!” Spencer stopped in his tracks, looking up at a large white structure with tall windows and stone carvings decorating the walls. You turned and saw the sign out front that read: “Folger Shakespeare Library.”

“Spencer…” You gaped at the sign, a small, awe-filled smile tugging at your lips.

“I remembered how much you loved Shakespeare in school, I thought you’d get a kick out of this.”

“Spencer, this is… This is wonderful!”

“Good surprise?”

“Great surprise!”

You grabbed him by the arm and tugged him up the front steps as he digs through his pockets for his wallet. Once inside, he bought two tickets for the next show: Midsummer Night’s Dream. Your favorite. It didn’t start for another half hour, so he led you to the reading room.

The room was beautiful, to put it lightly. Three ornate chandeliers hung from the ceiling. The furniture and accents were all done in a dark wood, shelves packed tightly with books. The setting sun shone through the breathtaking stained glass windows. An unlit fireplace rested against the wall. Spencer led you up to the second level, a balcony wrapping around the border of the room. 

“Thank you for today,” you beamed, “I haven’t seen Jamie that happy since…”

“I know the feeling. I haven’t felt this okay since…” His gaze dropped to his feet, trying to swallow the words that came out too soon.

“Since what?”

“Since uh...” He glanced back up to your face, “Since Gideon left the team.”

Spencer never told you he left. Agent Gideon kept tabs on Jamie after his rescue. For the last three years, he got a card in the mail on Christmas and his birthday. He always checked in and asked how he was doing. When you went to visit Spencer at the BAU a few weeks ago, you wanted to say hi to Agent Gideon and thank him for his consideration, but you hadn’t seen him. You thought he was just taking a personal day, he worked too hard anyways from what Spencer told you. 

“Spence, why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

The words were like a spark that shocked your heart awake from a lovely sleep, and now it was upset to be so rudely awoken, “Of course I care! What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t wanna know the reason you’ve been so… off.”

“What do you mean ‘off?’”

“You don’t have to be a profiler to see you haven’t been yourself in… when did Gideon leave?”

He played with a loose thread on the sleeve of his sweater and looked back down at his feet, the toe of his converse nudging at the emerald green carpet, “Couple of months ago.”

“You could have told me.”

“You’ve had your own stuff going on. It’s not that bad.”

“You don’t have to convince yourself that you aren’t having a hard time just because I am. You don’t always have to be the hero.”

“Neither do you, you know.”

“I really am fine.”

“Y/N, he was your dad, you’re allowed to be upset.”

“I am, okay?” You snapped, “I miss him like hell! He was always just one phone call away and now…” One hand carded through your hair as you inhaled deeply, placing your other hand on the banister beside you to steady yourself.

“I’m not going to pretend that our situations are the same because they aren’t, but I’ll tell you the same thing you told me when we were kids.” He placed his hand close to yours on the banister, your fingers almost touching. Almost. “It gets easier, not seeing him every day. But just ‘cuz he wasn’t around doesn’t mean you can’t feel bad.”

You force a smile, “Thanks, Spence.”

“Of course.” He wrapped his arms around you and held you tight. The hug wasn’t particularly emotional. Neither one of you felt like you were about to cry, it just felt nice to be in each other's embrace.

“Show’s starting soon.” He muttered into your ear before pulling away, walking off towards the theater with you following close behind.

Taglist~~~

Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it

@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae​ @t0xicllama​ @undeniablyyou​ @staplernpaper @theweirdobella​ @sammypotato67​ @k-k0129​ @helloniallslovelies​

[lauraashley93]

I don’t love you anymore

Part 2:

This is part 2. Don’t worry, there WILL be a part 3 but I just felt this was getting REALLY long and I wanted to continue it so it wasn’t SO much. So, please enjoy part 2 :)

Reader is trying to move on after her and Angel’s break up. But are either of them really truly happy? Will they find there way back to each other?

Warnings: angst? Swearing? Brief Mentions of suicide.

A year.

It’s been 365 days. You don’t know how long a year is until you spend a year missing something, no, someone.

You thought moving would help. You moved back to your aunts house 2,000 plus miles away. Thinking that maybe it would help you move on. It didn’t. You felt there was no closure. Even though Angel had said everything to you, you felt that there was more to it but instead of trying again you ran. You ran and ran and now here you were still just as miserable as you had been because even though it was hell loving him, it was heaven when he WAS loving you and now you were stuck. Not moving forward and you couldn’t help but wonder if he was okay. Was he regretting it? Was he sad? Or was he off to the next one living like you never existed. You pushed that thought from your mind. You didn’t want to think about it. A knock at your door suddenly interrupted your pity party as you looked up.

“y/n?” Are you awake? You aunts soft voice came from behind the door. You sighed. You know you have been worrying her. From being okay one minute to being a drunken mess the next she always seemed to be waiting to see what roller coaster you’d be on.

“Yes, you can come in aunty.” Your voice didn’t have that happy song anymore. Everyone could tell and no one knew how to fix you. Your aunt came in and sat on your bed.

“Y/n, I want to talk to you. Please, don’t be angry but I think it’s time for you to leave. You have been here a year and whatever you’re trying to run from it’s not helping. You need to go back and face whatever it is and close those doors. You are going to drink yourself into a early grave. I love you darling and I’m always here for you but I can’t watch this anymore. You need..

“Stop.” You cut her off. You never opened up to your aunt about what happened. You wanted to shut and lock the door and never speak of it again. Your aunt respected that but apparently you were becoming too much. You couldn’t blame her, honestly, you knew you were a mess and it was only gonna be so long before she grew tired. “I know, I know I’m a lot. But please, don’t give up on me just yet. Please... I just. I gave the wrong person the right piece of me and I’m broken.. I’m, lost. I thought leaving would fix it and I want to tell you I’m fine and I’m over it but I have this HORRIBLE habit of forgiving people when they aren’t even sorry...and I’m still in love with him and if I go back I’ll look for him, I’ll be the pathetic ex trying to crawl back to him and I just.. I can’t. I don’t even know what happened. He just woke up one day and decided he didn’t love me anymore. He finally seen I wasn’t good enough. ”

You start crying as you realize that after all this time that you still love that idiot that ignoring it and hiding it was a mistake and you should have opened up a long time ago. You finally told your aunt what happened from start to finish and she held you as you cried.

——————————————————————-

Angels POV

Back in Santo Padre things haven’t been going very well for Angel either. He’s been a walking disaster since you left him. When you left the first two months he wasn’t sober. He drank from the time he woke up until he laid down and if there were anymore tears to cry he would have cried too. Bishop had let it slide knowing he was going through it but after it almost got him and Gilly killed he finally put his foot down.

—-Flashback 2 months after—

“I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT” Bishop slammed his hand down on the templo table and the sudden noise made Angel flinch. All the other Mayans staring at him seeing what his reaction would be.

“I get that you’re going through some shit but damnit Angel you almost got you and Gilly killed and I can’t have that shit happening. You fucked up brother. Face it, get the fuck over it and move on. If you can’t get your shit straight you’re out. I can’t be having you risk our lives over some pussy.”

Angel’s face turned red. He was livid that Bishop would even DARE talk about you like that. Yes, Bishop cared about you but he had to get through to Angel and he couldn’t play around his feelings anymore. Angel stood up with a quickness leaning toward his president anger growing faster with every passing moment.

“Don’t you EVER fucking talk about y/n like that. Or I’ll”

“Or you‘ll what Angel? “ Bishop is standing nose to nose with him obviously not intimidated. Angel needed to realize he needed to get his shit straight and Bishop was gonna make him see that one way or the other.

“You ain’t gonna do shit, Angel. Now sit the fuck down. Go get your dick wet, hit it out in the cage do what you gotta do today but then it’s fucking done. I don’t wanna see or hear about you acting this way anymore.”

Angel glared at him a few seconds before nodding and storming out of templo and heading to his bike. He needed to ride. He needed to get away and think. How dare he. How could he just expect you to get over y/n like that? I mean, sure you did fuck up but if you could have just explained it you were sure she would forgive you.. you hoped she would have forgave you.

Back in the club house Bishop stopped Ez to talk to him.

“Have you had any luck at all?”

Ez sighed. He had been trying for two months to find you or find where you went so he could talk to you to tell you to come back but he came up short every time.

“No, I can’t find anything. I don’t know where she would have went. She didn’t talk family much. All I know is her mom is a junkie and her dad died years ago. There’s no brother’s and the only sister died in a car crash when y/n was 16. The mom has a sister but she’s completely off grid and so I can’t find shit on her. “

Bishop sighed “keep trying. We gotta figure something out.”

—-Present Day—-

It’s been a year and Ez hasn’t stopped trying to find you. He has watched Angel mask his hurt long enough to do shit with the club and then melt back into his depression and drinking when at home. He’s worried about his brother and he’s determined. So he does the only thing he can think of, he reaches out to Emily Galindo. Maybe, just maybe she can find what he needs.

“And what do you suppose I tell Miguel? Huh? That my ex boyfriend needs a favor? You already know how he feels about our past Ez. Even us meeting here” she motions to Felipes shop “is dangerous!”

“I know, Em, I know but I don’t know what else to do! Angel needs her to know. I don’t even know if it will fix anything but he NEEDS this. Can’t you tell him it’s a friend of yours that you have lost contact with? Or something dealing with work??”

Emily sighs. She knows she can’t say no to Ez, especially under the circumstances.

“Fine, I’ll try.”

———————————————————————

—two weeks later—

You’re wiping down the last table at the diner you work at and about to close up for the night. Friday nights are so busy but it’s your favorite because it brings in the most tips. You weren’t sure you were gonna like moving out to the middle of no where but, it had its perks. After talking with your aunt you felt a little better. You still missed Angel but you figured you owed yourself a chance at happiness. You were grabbing your things when you heard your phone vibrate. An unknown number calling. You simply ignored it thinking it was a spam called until it rang again immediately after the first call, the same number popping up. You furrowed your brows and decided to answer it.

“Hello?”

——————————

—back at the club house—

Ez couldn’t believe it. Emily had found a way to get information on your aunt and she called her telling your aunt that you were an old friend. Your aunt was excited. She thought this would help get you out of your funk. She gave Emily the number they had under her husbands name. Ez seemed impressed by that. No wonder he couldn’t find anything with your name attached to it.

He called the number while the club was having a party. Angel was drinking and trying to distract himself with one of vickie’s girls so Ez took this time to step out to make the call holding his breath... he was disappointed when it went to voicemail so he tried one more time his heart stopped when you picked up and he hoped and prayed you would give him enough time to explain.

“Y/n. Please don’t hang up.”

———————————————————————

Your heart stopped. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. How? Why? Was everything okay?? You were trying to find your voice when your heard Ez on the line.

“Y/n are you there?”

You blinked rapidly as you swallowed hard.

“I’m here” Your voice came out in a whisper. You cleared your throat and tried again. “How did you get my number? Why are you calling?”

“Y/n I’ve been trying for a year to find you. I’ve been trying since the day you left.”

You scoffed anger starting to fill you. “YOU? YOU have? Why? Angel obviously isn’t the one trying so why do YOU care?”

“Angel did. He was gone for two weeks riding trying to find where you went. Then when he couldn’t figure it out he came back and has been a depressed drinking mess since. He barely functions.” Ez said rushing through his sentence.

Your heart was being drug all sorts of directions. Part of you was happy that he was just as miserable as you, but you were sad. You never want him to hurt. Then, you were confused. Why? Why did he feel that way? He claimed he didn’t love you so why would he be hurting?

“Why? Why does he care? He made his feelings VERY clear about how he felt about me. I have spent a year hurting, Ez. I have went through all this shit myself. My aunt has watched me drink myself away, had to talk me out of ending my life” your voice broke. You hated to admit how weak it made you sound but you wanted them to know what you had been through because of him.

Ez’s heart was breaking. He knew that it had hurt you but he didn’t realize just how much damage had been done, maybe it was wrong for him to open up an old wound but he had to try.

“Look, I know I have no right. I know I have no idea what you’ve been through but I’m trying to tell you that he lied, y/n. As soon as I left your house I told him how stupid he was and he thought hurting you was gonna keep you safe if you weren’t with him. So much shit was happening with the club and in his mind he was doing the right thing for you but as soon as you left I think he realized saying all that, was wrong. he hated himself. He went right back to the house to tell you but you were gone. He loves you. He needs you.”

You were breaking down. You wanted so bad to believe Ez but you just couldn’t do that again. Even if Angel was lying he broke you, he said things to you that has changed your whole entire world. How are you supposed to come back from that?

“Ez, I, I can’t. It’s taking me a long time to be okay. Trying to live without Angel was like drowning but I just wouldn’t fucking die.. and I’ve finally learned how to breathe through it and here you are, pushing me back under and I can’t, I just. I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“Y/n, I understand but if you..”

Ez stopped and you were waiting for him to continue..

You heard shuffling and then you heard it.

”y/n? Is that you??”

The voice that brought you to tears. Angel. You felt dizzy. Probably cause you weren’t breathing. Your anxiety was building and you did the only thing you could think of... you hung up.

———————————————————————

—-At the clubhouse—

Ez was listening to you talk and he knew you were about to shut him off. When he said your name he heard Angels voice.

“Ez? Whose name did you just say?” He practically ran toward you. Ez tried to hide the phone and Angel took it from him.

“Y/n? Is that you??” He heard the line click.

His heart shattered. He stood there phone in hand shaking.

“Angel?” Ez stepped toward his brother.

“How long have you been talking to her?” His voice was raspy trying to hold back anger and tears.

“Just today. I have been trying to reach her and that was the first time i have spoken to her.”

Angel nodded and sighed as he shoved the phone back at Ez’s chest and started to walk away.

“Angel! Angel come back man.”

But it was no use Angel kept walking ready to drown himself in alcohol. It had been too long and hearing your voice brought back so many memories. Ez sighed in defeat wondering how far this was gonna set Angel back and hoping he hadn’t caused more damage to his brother or you.

@angelreyesgirl @auroraariza @spookys-girl @trulysuccubus @stunning-shitz @rosieposie0624 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @skyofficialxx @strawberrywritings @bucky-iss-bae @miss-nori85 @cind-in-real-life

[thatoneitaliangirl]

Obey Me! Soulmate AU Lucifer 2

Sorry, I kind of dropped off the face of the earth for a hot minute there. I’m just going through some stuff, don’t mind me!~ I really hope you like this. I was planning on making it longer, but I felt like I left it off at a good place. I think I may finish off each story one by one, since I’m on a roll with Lucifer’s story, but it depends on my mood. I may start on Mammon’s part 2 soon, so you never know! Next part is either Lucifer part 3 or Mammon part 2 lol. I really hope you like it!!! 

________________________________________

When I was a little girl, scary movies always excited me. I would get on my hands and knees to beg my mother to let me watch them, even if I knew I'd have nightmares. There was just something about being scared but not being in danger that really made me happy. As I got older, it became an obsession. Horror movie posters littered my walls, and all other kinds of merchandise, some even rare items, surrounded me in my day to day life. But what always made my day was ghost stories. Some classic bumps in the night, others intense cases of demonic possession. Eventually, movies weren't enough of a thrill. I needed the real thing.

 _______________________________________________________

 "Are you sure about this, _____? I mean, I know you're into that freaky shit, but this is getting a little too real for me." _____'s best friend Monica says, holding herself in her arms.

"Oh please, Monny! It's just a little ghost hunt. Nothing to be worried about!" Her golden eyes widen as she gawks at her friend.

"Nothing to worry about? Girly, you know damn well I don't do ghost shit. That's all you, my friend, and honestly, I don't feel like dying before graduating high school!" _____ rolls her eyes, but this doesn't stop her friend's ramblings.

"You're following the information given to you by some rando on the internet you only met last week- he's probably leading you into a trap! This is one of those cases you see on HLN where the young, unexpecting girls get taken to be sex trafficked."

"We're not gonna die. And it's not even confirmed that there are ghosts here," _____ lifts up the broken chain-link fence and motions for her friend to enter.

"Wait, we're going through all this trouble and you’re not even sure if it's actually haunted?! Are you kidding me?"

"Look, if you're that much of a scaredy-cat, you can wait outside. I just want to snap a few pictures to post on my blog." Biting her lip and shifting from side to side, Monica weighs her options.

"Okay, fine. Just don't take forever. My mom wants us back before dark," Monica says, pouting.

"And don't call me a scaredy-cat!"  _____ smirks.

"Okay, okay . . . Scaredy-cat!" She laughs, lightly jogging away from her friend and towards the abandoned building. With her flashlight in hand, _____ sneaks around the back under some fallen tree-limbs and clicks her tongue.

"If I remember right, the guy said it would be about . . . Here!" Finding the boarded window she was looking for, _____ slides the board up and enters the hole. She drops down into a dark room, the only light seeping in through the cracks in the worn wood covering the window. Quickly turning on her flashlight, the young girl takes a look around what appears to be the basement of the run-down house.

"He seemed to have left out the fact that my little 'tour' would start in the basement, but I can work with this." _____ takes a deep breath and scans the area. Besides some creepy old toys, nothing really interests her here.

So, she finds the door leading upstairs and slowly makes her way up the creaking wood. The leaky pipes and several rainstorms since the abandonment of the house have not been kind to the drywall and wood structuring. Reaching the top, _____ shines her flashlight around, taking in the once white walls of the family room, now covered in mold.

"A little Damp-rid would do this house some wonders, I'm sure." Her camera flashes as she takes her first shot, making sure to get in the ripped couch and fallen portraits. Had vandals and old age not did their thing, this house would have been in perfect condition.

"The people living here just up and abandoned it with no warning. Seems . . . Suss if you ask me.” She scrunches her face and shrugs.

"Alright, let's do some exploring." Shaking off her shakes of anticipation, _____ ascends the stairs leading to the second floor with caution. Despite her lack of fear for the paranormal, she still fears falling through the dampened wood flooring and having to explain to her mother why she's in the hospital getting tested for tetanus. A sudden sound above her makes her stop for a moment, halting the loud creaking of the stairs.

"What the Hell . . . ?" What sounds like a light tapping across the floor above slowly moves forward toward the stairs and ending at the door at the end of the hall. She shines her flashlight there, but it begins to flicker and dim.

"Shit! I just changed these batteries!" She bats it with her palm, but it does nothing as it fades away. The hinges of the door screech as it slowly begins to open, so slow that it's barely visible. What little light is streaming through the cracks of the boarded windows seems to almost be absorbed by the darkness inside the bedroom. _____ gets closer to the door, feeling an immense pull to open it and go inside. Her goal of capturing pictures long gone from her mind as she reaches out and touches the handle.

"_____! Are you done yet?!" Her friend yelling to her from outside startles her and she removes her hand. She releases a breath she didn't know she was holding and tilts her head to yell back.

"Uh, Yeah, almost! Be right out!" Her feet tap against the wood flooring as she descends the stairs, but pauses and takes a look back at the door all the way at the end of the hall.

"It'll only take a second . . . " She says to herself, never removing her eyes from the darkness within.

"Come on, _____! We're losing daylight!" Biting her lip, she lifts her camera and snaps a few photos before running back to the basement and out of the small window. Just as her friend said, the sun is almost below the horizon.

"Oh shit."

"Oh, shit is right! Let's get out of here!"

 ________________________________________________________

 Growing up the way I did, I never really thought too much about what that day meant. Though every once in a while, I find myself thinking about that house. Monica and I left that town not long after we graduated, but the longing I have to go back has nothing to do with homesickness.

"Hey, look! I never thought I'd be seeing these pictures again!" Monica laughs, holding up the small box filled with photos from _____'s old camera.

"Is that prom?" She asks, making her way over to Monica with curiosity.

"I think so," She holds up more photos of the two girls in dresses holding hands with a boy and another girl.

"It has to be. Look, there's Jonah!" _____ rolls her eyes and groans.

"God, I hoped I would never have to see his face again. Burn the pictures!"

"No!" Monica holds the photos to her chest protectively.

"Just because you hated your date, doesn't mean I hated mine!" _____ laughs.

"True. Okay, you can keep 'em! I have all these on a hard drive somewhere, so I'll have plenty of memories!" The smile on Monica's face slowly begins to fall at _____'s words.

"Do you really have to go? I know I've said this like a thousand times, but how do you know you can trust this man?" It's understandable that Monica is concerned. I mean, most people would be if their best friend meets a guy and less than a month later moves out with them.

"I'll be fine. I promise. And I'll write all the time!" Monica groans.

"Exactly, you'll write! I mean, where even is this place that you're going, huh? No cell service, no internet? It's like this guy is taking you completely off the grid, and that's what worries me. He's not forcing you to do this, is he? Cause if he is-!" _____ grabs Monica's shoulders and looks her in the eye.

"Nobody's forcing me to do anything! I love him . . . Perhaps it's a little fast for most people, but I know for a fact that we're meant to be together. Please, trust me on this." The brunette's shoulders sink as if finally accepting _____'s answer.

"Fine. But just know that I don't like him!" A smile makes its way onto _____'s face and pulls her hands back.

"I guess if you don't like him then you won't want to be here tomorrow." Her head snaps up making her brown curls bounce around her head.

"Why?" The ghost hunter smirks and checks her nails.

"Well, my boyfriend and a few of his brothers are coming over to take most of the boxes. I wouldn't want you to be upset, so it's probably best if you stay away."

"Are you kidding me?! Of course, I'm gonna be there! I'm gonna give this bastard a piece of my mind! First, he takes my best friend away, and then he thinks he can just walk up in here and not even ask for your hand in dating from the one person that counts?! Oh, I'll show him! And his brothers too!" Fuming, Monica starts to pace, her arms flailing animatedly.

"Are you gonna give them all a stern talking to, mother dearest?" She stops in her rambling to glare at _____.

"Keep giving me backtalk, and I might just give you a stern talking to. With my fist!" _____ retaliates by throwing a couch pillow.

"Oh, it's on, girly!"

 ______________________________________________________

 "_____, are you awake?" The young woman shifts in her sleep, stretching before opening her eyes.

"I am now. When did you get here?" Lucifer smiles, moving some hair from _____'s face.

"Only a moment ago. I didn't mean to wake you, I had just thought you'd be up." _____ takes a look at the clock on her nightstand, her eyes widening.

"Holy shit! It's almost two?" The tender moment is lost as she jumps out of her bed and runs to her adjoined bathroom. A smirk makes its way onto the demon's face, watching her frantically trying to brush her teeth and hair at the same time.

"There's no need to rush, my love. Although the sight before me is breathtaking, I'll go keep my brothers' busy loading boxes into the portal. Wouldn't want them stumbling in here and seeing something only I should see." The cheeky bastard leaves the room, and _____ looks down at her bedtime apparel consisting of panties and a large shirt.

"Well, that's not embarrassing or anything."

She quickly finishes getting ready and heads down the stairs to an argument.

"It's your fault!" Levi yells, gesturing to a box at his feet.

"Me?! What did I do?!" Mammon yells back, defensive.

"You made me drop it with your stupidity! If you hadn't been acting like a big baby, we would have most of this done by now!" The box in question happens to be the small box filled with photographs.

"Hey guys, don't worry about it! It's just some pictures. I'll clean it up, no biggie!" The two demons blush and look away, a bit ashamed to be yelling in front of the girl.

"Sorry, _____. If Mammon actually did his job, we'd be out of here by now."

"I'm helping!" Levi rolls his eyes.

"If by helping you mean complaining, then yeah, you've been a big help!" Mammon crosses his arms and glares.

"Oh, like you're any better? Just two minutes ago you were complaining about how you're arms hurt! These boxes should weigh nothing to you!" As the fight continues, Lucifer comes up next to her and sighs. I'm sorry about my brothers, _____. Would you believe me if I told you they actually volunteered to help?" _____ laughs.

Over the course of knowing Lucifer, the young woman has grown close to his brother's as well, mainly the two standing in front of her. Mammon likes her ghost adventure stories, and Levi just likes the fact _____ is willing to listen to his rants. Even Satan has enjoyed a few human books recommended to him by the lovable ghost hunter, and they often discuss murder mysteries together over text. It's no surprise to Lucifer that his soulmate gets along so well with his brothers. He cares dearly for his younger siblings, and _____ provides the care his pride prevents him from showing.

"I believe it. But, you know, brothers will be brothers," She smiles up at him, unknowingly making his heartbeat just a bit faster. Her eyes widen a bit and a small gasp leaves her lips as she takes another look at the clock.

"I forgot to tell you, but Monica is-"

"Where is he?!" The front door slams open, halting the never-ending argument and making _____ pout.

"Monica, any damage left gets taken out of my deposit. Could you be a bit more careful?" The brunette crosses her arms and scans the room, reading all three men, and assessing the situation. Her eyes narrow at Levi, making him whimper slightly and shrink under her gaze. Next, Mammon, who just crosses his arms back and raises a brow under his sunglasses. Her eyes land on Lucifer and her glare turns to a scowl. Target acquired. She dramatically raises her hand and points at the demon.

"You." Confused, he points to himself.

"Me . . . ?"

"You're the one that's stealing my sister from me!" _____ sighs and puts her head in her hand.

"Here we go." Monica walks over, practically chest to chest with Lucifer, though there's a notable height difference. Lucifer coughs awkwardly, looking down at the female.

"Is there a problem?"

"I don't know, is there?" _____ sighs again.

"Monica-"

"Don't 'Monica' me! I don't care how big and muscular he appears to be, he better square up, cause he's not taking you without a fight, sis!"

"This is ridiculous, Monica. You can't fight him." Her glare deepens, never breaking eye contact with Lucifer.

"Watch me." She raises her fist.

"I don't think you want to do that," Lucifer speaks up, temporarily halting her actions.

"There's nothing you can say to me that'll- Put me down!" Lucifer picks up Monica by her shoulders and gently holds the kicking and screaming girl until she gives up trying to escape.

"Are you done?" Huffing and puffing, she nods and he places her back on her feet.

"You are a truly worthy opponent. I'll be more prepared next time. Until then, you have earned my blessing. For now!" _____ rolls her eyes, and Lucifer smiles at her.

"Thank you. I apologize for not meeting you sooner. My work prevents me from leaving, and what little free time I have I use to talk to _____. It was wrong of me to not speak with you before arranging this." Monica looks at Lucifer, still skeptical.

"Hm, wise words and a wise decision, trying to butter me up. But I won't give up that easily!"

"Is she always like this?" Mammon asks, leaning up against the wall.

"Always like what? Amazing, beautiful, cautious, careful, caring, concerned??"

"Woah, slow down 'C for Catastrophe', I think you just come off as a little strong sometimes, Monny. Maybe tone it down for the newcomers, alright?" Pouting, Monica agrees.

"Okay, maybe I can be a bit overbearing." _____ raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything.

"That's an understatement," Leviathan says under his breath earning a death glare from the brunette.

"I hate to cut this short, but we should really be going." _____'s head snaps up to look at Lucifer.

"What? Why? You just got here?" His face saddens as he looks down at her, holding her hand in his.

"I know, but I need to head back. Certain duties require my attention," He pulls _____ close in a hug and puts his lips to her ear.

"And Lord Diavolo was only able to keep the portal open for a certain amount of time." His warm breath on her neck sends a shiver down her spine and a blush to her cheeks. She hugs him closer and nods before letting go.

"Alright, I hope you guys have a safe journey back!" She waves to them, Lucifer giving her a quick peck on the cheek, not really one for PDA, and they head out of sight through the front door. Monica clears her throat and looks down at the ground.

"Sorry." Genuinely surprised, _____ turns to her friend.

"For what? You were just being a good friend!"

"Not that," She sighs, and wrings her hands together.

"I didn't know his time here was limited. I didn't mean to keep you from him." _____ smiles and pats her friend on the head, which earns her an annoyed scowl.

"It's okay, Monny, don't worry about it! How about we make some tea and chill for a bit? I still have some packing to do before next week." The shorter female smiles and nods.

"Definitely! I'll start the water!" She rushes off to the kitchen, leaving _____ in the living room. It's true that she's upset she didn't get to be with Lucifer for very long, but she doesn't blame her friend. Magic is something she still doesn't understand but knows there are certain limitations. 

Maybe if she had gotten up earlier, she could have talked with her soulmate a bit more, but she was just so tired. Her dreams kept her up tossing and turning most of the night, much to her displeasure. She doesn't remember exactly what they were about, but they weren't pleasant, and she's not sure if she actually wants to remember them. 

Monica working to heat up the water, _____ decides to clean up the scattered pictures from the fallen box. There's no particular order they should go in since they were pretty much haphazardly thrown in there to begin with, but she tries to start from the bottom, attempting to keep some sort of linear timeframe of when she put the pictures in there.

"Eventually I gotta go through these and get rid of the junk. I don't think I want Lucifer seeing me at fourteen with braces, pigtails, and eyeliner up to my temples." She gently shuffles through the pictures, tossing them in as she goes, until she reaches the last group. 

Undoubtedly the darkest of them, they immediately stand out from the family beach days and the cringe selfies. _____ picks them up, and examines them. The first few are of crumbling walls and boarded up windows, no doubt an abandoned house she's been to, but that's not what strikes her as odd. She never kept her hunting photos with her normal ones, especially back then. 

Her mother would have killed her if she found out, so she would always develop them and put them in a lockbox under her bed. The last few photos in the bunch show a dark hall, and it's as if all the heat rushes from her body. A cold chill replaces any warmth she may have had as she looks from one picture to the other, the hallway becoming darker and darker before it goes completely black, the door at the end the only thing visible. 

While she remembers taking the pictures, she doesn't remember ever actually developing them. It was her first abandoned house- thinking back it would have been weird for her not to take a look at them. But the more she tries to remember, the more she can't. It's as if she's blocked it out somehow.

"You okay, girly?" Monica places her hand on _____'s shoulder, breaking her from her thoughts.

"Uh, yeah, sorry. Got a little distracted is all," She places the pictures at the top of the box, closes it, and puts it to the side.

"Now, how about tea?"

The two girls spend the rest of the night packing and chatting, almost making _____ forget about the pictures. Almost. It isn’t long after Monica leaves that _____ finds herself drawn to the small box, knowing that the pictures are just a few feet away. A ringing from her pocket startles her, and she pulls out her DDD. The caller ID says Lucifer, and she smiles knowing how late it is. This is most likely his first break since he got back.

"Hey, are you okay?" Her smile drops a bit at the urgency in his voice.

"Yes, why? Is everything alright?" He sighs on the other end of the phone sounding relieved.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. I felt that you were in danger, and the pact was calling to me." Sure enough, the pact mark on her arm is glowing a beautiful blue, bright enough to shine through her shirt sleeve. She lightly rubs it, willing it to stop, and the glow slowly fades.

"Sorry, I didn't even realize I was doing it. It's just . . . " _____ bites her lip, looking over at the box.

"_____, what's wrong? Are you in danger?"

"No," Sighing, _____ turns away from the box and heads to her bedroom, attempting to put it out of her mind.

"I was just anxious . . . I miss you." He chuckles a little, making her heart race.

"I miss you too. I'm sorry I had to cut our afternoon short, but Lord Diavolo needed me. The higher demons are still . . . Skeptical about our father's decision. They've become nervous, and there have been talks of a coup."

"Oh, wow," She never really thought about it, but it makes sense why people would be skeptical especially demons. To them, it may seem like some plot to take over the Devildom.

"How's Lord Diavolo handling this news?" She's spoken to Lord Diavolo a few times, and he's always seemed like such a nice and positive guy that really cares about his kingdom and its citizens.

"He's upset, but not surprised. But he knows my brothers and I are on his side, so if a coup were to take place, they wouldn't get very far."

"I'm glad. How are you handling this? Want to talk about it?" She's concerned for him, despite knowing how powerful he is. His workload before was intense, but now she's sure it's even worse. He barely gets to sleep, and she can hear it sometimes when he's on the phone with her. He's even fallen asleep on the phone, much to her disappointment. She feels guilty every time that happens, because he's clearly tired but still staying up late to talk to her.

"I would love to, but unfortunately, there's not much I can say . . . "

"You never know who's listening, right?" He laughs.

"Yes, I'm sorry. But I can tell you that all of this will be sorted before next week. I'll make sure of it." The determination in his voice was enough to know he was telling the truth. Once Lucifer makes his mind up about something, it gets done.

"I believe you! But even so, I'm sure my presence might stir up the higher demons. Maybe it's best if I and the other girls stay here until the Devildom calms down." She's heard of his brother's soulmates before, though she's never actually talked to them. But it's not hard to assume that they are going through the same things she is, feeling the same things, and wondering how their lives are going to change.

"At the moment, any plans for you or the others to come here are still on track. But, I'm afraid you may have a point . . . "

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I know no matter what you decide, it'll be the right choice. I have the utmost confidence in you, hun." Lucifer clears his throat, flustered.

"I'm glad you do. Your safety is my top priority. One of them."

"I can only imagine the work you have right now. I'll let you go." _____ glances at the time. It's pretty late for her, and the time difference isn't too far off from her own.

"I'll call you tomorrow as soon as I can. Sleep well, my love." For him not to protest hanging up the phone, he must really be swamped with work.

"Sleep well." Laying down, _____ can feel her eyelids falling heavy and pulls the covers over her shoulders. Despite her pleasant thoughts of her love, her dreams are anything but.

To be continued ------

[riverdalenerdlol]

Story time

For a glimpse into the insanity that currently is my life, look no further than underneath the cut

I think I've told everyone how I got hit by a deer. I was doing night land navigation during Army field training exercises, and I was doing it alone because I was being assessed on it. I find one grid coordinate, then I walk into the pretty dense woods to find another. To be honest, I was more afraid of stepping on or even seeing a snake rather than anything else that could've happened. And I also didn't like being out in the dark, alone.

Just to make things better, my headlamp dies. So now I'm standing in the middle of the woods, without a consistent amount of light. Amazing.

Eventually I find a little bit of a clearing in the trees where there's a good amount of moonlight coming down and it allows me to see my map. Still, the foliage towers at LEAST 6 inches above my head. All I can see is my map and the trail I've made through the tall ass foliage behind me. I essentially have blinders on because of how thick and tall the plants were.

I've been standing there for a good while without making any noise, so nature starts to - as we call it - "reset". Animals start coming back into the area, the bugs are louder, etc. It's like I'm not there (plus I'm wearing camouflage from head to toe with just a reflective belt on my back - it's like I don't exist). I think I was just standing there for 5-10 minutes - I don't remember.

I hear rustling coming toward me, and my first thought is that it's a person, because why wouldn't it be. It gets a little louder, and then I notice it speeds up. As it gets closer to me, I prepare to come face to face with a person, but when the plants part it's a goddamn DEER FACE I'm looking at, running through the area. Next thing I know I'm on the ground, looking up at the sky, and it steps on my leg as it runs right through me.

The entire experience is absurd and hilarious, and you should definitely laugh at me. I deserve it. My band director laughed at me, as he should, because it's the funniest thing that could have happened.

Before I go further, I want to make a few things clear. 1 - I am okay. I suffered a few bad bruises, and this may have caused the hamstring strain that I currently have. I am only slightly traumatized by this experience that NO ONE will let me live down. 2 - It was a doe, not a buck. I would be dead if it were a buck. 3 - No, I was NOT able to tackle it like many of my male friends have suggested I should have done. I first saw it when it was six inches in front of my face.

Flash forward to two nights later - I asked my French professor for an extension on a sonnet I was supposed to write so I could do it after I was done with field training, not before. This IS relevant, I promise. Running out of time until midnight, I say "fuck it" and I proceed to write my French sonnet about getting hit by a deer in the woods.

Make no mistake, the poem doesn't really deviate too much from what actually happened, except for the part at the end where I added some jibberish about how getting hit by a deer can remind you of how small you are in comparison to the universe. I needed some bullshit meaning for this damn sonnet. I finish writing it in about two hours, and it's a lot better than I thought it would be considering I'm bullshitting an assignment but it's good bullshitting. I do this stuff all the time - I am so good at bullshitting assignments. I submit the poem, and I forget about it completely.

Then... two weeks later... my professor GRADES the poems.

This is where the story goes from funny to hysterical.

I've got to be honest, this poem actually slaps. For something that I bullshat so hard, this poem goes off. I may share it eventually, but not yet.

I notice a few emails late Friday night, but I'm on fall break so I don't really check them. Eventually I do check them, and there are comments on the document I submitted. She left comments. I brace myself for the worst, but...

My professor loves it. SHE LOVES IT. What the fuck?

Might I remind everyone that this poem is about GETTING HIT BY A MOTHERFUCKING D E E R. I only added some sort of existential meaning BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU WRITE POETRY. Jesus Christ. She loves it. It's literally titled THE DEER AND THE GIRL. It's about ME getting HIT by a DEER.

Here's a direct quote (translated, ofc): "This is one of the best poems I've read in a long time. You are extremely talented. (...) Magnificent."

WHAT THE HELL

I BULLSHAT THIS POEM SO FUCKING HARD

So I freak out about this, because it shouldn't be so good, because it's not supposed to do so well for something I didn't even TRY doing.

Still, it does slap (I think it's better in French, but that's just me).

Flash forward to today.

I have French class, so I go to it (even though I skipped my Poli Sci class because I was tired AF - took a nap on a makeshift bed instead). I am told by my professor she wants to speak to me after class.

I haven't really performed well on her quizzes and exams, but I do pretty well on regular assigments, so I imagine it's about that or the times I've turned in stuff late, which she hates.

At the end of class, I finally get to talk to her.

This woman is SIMPING OVER THIS POEM. And...

She wants me to enter a poetry competition *facepalm*

I'm *magnificent* and I have *so much talent* and etc, etc.

I'd like it known that I was the only one she pulled aside for this. Others had to rewrite theirs, but NOT ME.

She made me promise her I wouldn't stop writing (she didn't say poetry so I just took it in general terms)... and OH if she knew that I wrote fanfic I think she'd have a heart attack.

Anyways. Yeah. Shit's crazy.

[maribatlife]

The Unexpected Joys of Motherhood

I’m apparently only able to write a slowburn Brucinette fic...

Summary:

Sometimes a family is a Mom, a son, and a box of tiny gods and that's okay.

Timeline:

Damian was conceived when Bruce was 18 (Marinette 15 [age dif. 2.5 yrs])

Hawkmoth was defeated when Mari was 17 (Bruce 20) [Damian 3

Marinette travels the world and ends up in Pakistan near the League of Assassins- 18 (Bruce 21) [Damian 3 1/2]

AO3

It has been 3 months since she defeated Hawkmoth and took back the Butterfly, Peacock, and Cat Miraculous. 2 months 3 weeks and 6 days since Fu passed the title of Guardian of the Miracle Box onto her. 2 months since Marinette saw her parents. She was currently in the mountains of Pakistan trying to decide where to go next. After all, what were you supposed to do when you find out your idol and the villain terrorizing your hometown for years were the same person? And that's not even including the surprise that her kitty was also her crush and he thought puns were a good pickup line. 'Yeah,' Marinette thought. 'The Agrestes' are not all there, I should have known.'

She was wandering around a tiny Pakistani village, completely off the grid and trying to figure out her next move. When she reached her lodgings for the night Tikki and Plagg flew out of the Miracle Box. 

"Marinette, we have a problem."

"What is it Tikki?"

"You know how the Cat and Ladybug should always be active at the same time, to balance out the energies, well that's not always possible…"

"What my sugar cube is trying to say is that the last time she was active without me she accidentally created healing pools," Plagg paused for effect.

"Well that's not too bad…"

"That drive you insane if you use them." He finished. "Oh, and there's one somewhere near here."

"The good news," Tikki shot a glare at Plagg, "is that Plagg can destroy them. So we just need to find it."

And that is how Marinette found herself scaling the side of a mountain in the middle of the night. She was just about to pull herself over the last ledge when a pair of ninjas came out of nowhere. She flattened herself against the wall. What the hell is going on here? "Kaalki," she hissed. "Go scout ahead for any more surprises." As she zipped away, she turned to Tikki and Plagg. "Any ideas about what's going on?" 

Just then Kaalki returned. "So, good news the pool isn't far, bad news there is a cult protecting the location."

"That's fine," Plagg started. "I can destroy it alone."

"No," Marinette and Tikki whispered emphatically.

"Did you forget about the dinosaurs?" Marinette continued.

"But the past is the past, it won't happen again."

"Fine, remember the Eiffel Tower? No, I've got a plan to get us in there." She pulled out a small miraculous container to reveal Trixx's necklace. "Hey, Trixx, you ready for this?" At Trixx's nod, she said "Plagg, Trixx, Merge.'

In an instant gone was her practical, durable pants and canvas coat. Instead she wore a dark suit reminiscent of the Ladybug suit mottled with a dark rusty red, 2 dark ears poked out from her hair and on her back was her staff. Sparing a quick check to make sure Tikki and Kaalki were secure she extended the staff, launching herself into the mouth of the cave above.

"Okay, let's get this over with," she whispered. She darted down the hall until she reached a fork in the cave. "Which way Kaalki?"

Before she could answer, Tikki hissed, "Someone's coming, hide!"

Marinette pressed herself against the wall and called out "Mirage," picturing interrupted sandstone walls. Down the hall another ninja dragged a little boy down towards a previously unnoticed door. When the door was opened, Marinette caught a quick glimpse of various weapons before it was slammed shut and locked after the boy. Task accomplished; the ninja left. 

"Okay, new plan. Kaalki, watch over him. If things get even weirder get him out. If not, we'll meet you back here after destroying the pool." Kaalki nodded before phasing through the door. "You ready Tikki?"

"It's this way," and Tikki zipped off down a hallway, Marinette quickly following after her. After following Tikki through the winding halls they eventually reached the pool and with a whispered "Cataclysm," the pool was destroyed. "Plagg, Trixx Separate. Plagg Claws off." She landed lightly next to the now empty pit. "Okay Tikki, ready?" At Tikki's nod she transformed and swung down the halls to the exit.

It was fine that the Guardian wanted to deal with the pool first, and Kaalki even understood having her watch over the boy. But she really wished The Guardian would return post-haste. The observant little child had spotted her almost as soon as she flew through the door and has been trying to capture her since then. Honestly, she would be fine if this little demon child stopped throwing things at her. It was as a dagger almost hit her, that Kaalki had enough and phased through the floor, leaving just her eyes above to keep watch on the devil child. Never mind that the knife wouldn't harm her, it was just plain rude and Kaalki would not abide by poor manners no matter what the Guardian asked her. Kaalki did not have to wait long before she felt the Guardian approach and she flew to the outside of the door.

“Kaalki, anything to worry about?”

“Just how rude this child is.” Plagg started to cackle, damn cat. “He threw a dagger at me.”

“If that’s it?” She waited for Kaalki’s nod and put on the glasses. “Then, Tikki, Kaalki, Merge.” After the light dispersed, she opened the door and immediately had to dodge the dagger that was thrown at the opening door. Plagg instantly started to cackle as he flew over to the boy.

“Oh ho ho,” Plagg cackled. ”I like this one, the amount of destruction in his soul. He’s coming with us, right?”

“Plagg, he has a choice. I’m not just going to kidnap him.”

“But,”

“It is his choice, Plagg.”

Plagg flew over to where the child waited. “Kid, I'm Plagg, the god of destruction, you are now my kitten.”

“Plagg, no coercion.”

“Uggh,” He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I'm Plagg, the god of destruction, I only care about my sugar cube, my kittens, and my cheese and I will end anyone who tries to mess with those. Do you want to come with me and leave this pit, or stay here for however long?”

“Grandfather requires me to be here. To learn how to lead the league and earn the knowledge about my father’s identity.

“Boring!” Plagg flew back towards Marinette before turning around. “Your grandfather use the glowing green pit?”

“The Lazarus Pit? Yes, but how do you know…”

“Well, it’s kinda gone now so there’s that.”

The kid gave him a long, searching look. “It is impossible for anyone to destroy the Pit.”

“Kid, God of Destruction, I do what I want.” Marinette coughed behind him and arched an eyebrow. “Within reason.”

“And you are?” the kid addressed Marinette for the first time.

“I’m Lady-“ Shit, she hadn’t thought of a new name yet. “-Luck. Holder of the Miraculous of Creation.” Suddenly Marinette heard footsteps hurrying towards them. She leapt into the room, closing the door after her. “Times up, I need that decision now.”

“I will join you but I do not see how you’ll escape Grandfather’s guards.”

She smirked, “Like this. Voyage!” A portal opened. “Come on kid, time to go.”

He hesitated but went through the portal and it closed behind them.

They reentered the world, in a nondescript apartment building in Spain. “Tikki, Kaalki, Separate. Tikki Spots Off. Hi, I’m Marinette and you are?”

 “I am Ibn al Xu’ffasch.”

 “Ibn al –, I’m going to butcher that.”

 He looked down. “When we were alone, Mother would call me Damian.”

Time passed as it must and before Mari knew it, Dami had been travelling with her for a year. They had been following where there where imbalances in the world. Lady Luck and occasionally partnering with Trixx as Zorra, making appearances where necessary. Lady Luck would stop a disaster, or Zorra would somehow get her paws on damning information. Mari was always careful when she went out. Dami would hold Plagg and Kaalki when she left and protect the miracle box.

She had met a few confused and concerned “heroes”. Aquaman was particularly funny because apparently his ancestor had met Tikki and, unfortunately for Atlantis, Plagg. He was understandably concerned with the idea that Plagg was now out of the box again, but he acknowledged that it was the Guardian’s choice.

It was while she was visiting Achu, and Prince Ali that she first noticed Damian’s new tendency to get in between her and anyone else. Ali had invited them to a ball. While Marinette was talking to the Foreign Minister, Damian kept inching between the two of them. He then proceeded to do that with every conversation she had, even with Prince Ali and his parents.

The Queen chuckled. “I remember when Ali was at that age.”

“What age?” Marinette asked before she could stop herself. Damian was currently holding onto her skirt as tight as he could and she was trying to ignore how the fabric was definitely going to be wrinkled once he let go.

“The age where they are incredibly protective of their mothers. Ali was constantly ‘defending my honor’ from anyone and everyone. It’s adorable.”

“So this is typical,” Marinette questioned.

“Oh, yes. He’ll grow out of it in a few months, it’s just that right now you’re his world.”

It was later that evening, while she was contemplating what the Queen had told her, that her phone rang with a familiar tune.

“Marinette, my rockin’ niece, I’ve got another tour and I can’t do it without my favorite designer.”

“Jagged, I can’t go back to Paris. It’s all too fresh. Plus, no fashion house would work with me, I’m tainted by association.”

“But that’s the beauty of it, I’m working out of Gotham. Why don’t you come here, see the city, handle the tour designs and make a decision from there? Plus, didn’t you adopt that kid? I want to meet my new rocking nephew.”

Marinette sighed, she knew that one way or another she would end up designing for Jagged again. And she missed it, she missed being that creative constantly. There were so many ideas swimming around in her head from all of her travels.

The next day, Marinette Dupain-Cheng and Damian Al Ghul-Cheng boarded a flight to New York City. Flying over the ocean, the familiar feeling of rightness that came with going where the Miraculous were needed next got stronger and stronger.

[wren-fell]

Stuck in Borderland

Decided to post my Alice in Borderland fic. The main character is my oc Sayaka, and all other characters belong to Haro Aso.

Warnings: language, violence

Length: ~3000 words

Chapter 1: Welcome to the Beach

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sayaka walked through the doorway, and the red grid flashed for a second after she passed. She glanced over her shoulder with a frown, no turning back.

           She picked up a phone on the table in the center of the room and the screen lit up white. Registration complete, the game will commence in 5 minutes. With a deep breath she closed her eyes, just another game… that’s all it is.

“Just do it quickly you’ll be fine!”

“Hurry the fuck up we only have 10 more minutes!”

“I’m trying!” The girl wailed as she waited on the other side of the platform, a row of swinging saws and blades blocking her from the other side where two others were.

“Just go!” A guy at the platform behind her screamed.

“Fine!” She drew in a deep breath and took off running across the bridge. She was halfway across with no incident when a saw came rising out of the floor. The girl screamed and jumped over it, but when she landed the floor gave way and she fell into the electrified water below. There was a sickening crackle and a scream, then nothing.

The five remaining participants were all silent until the time chime rang out. There are 7 minutes remaining.

“Alright, I’m going next!” A guy screamed pushing Sayaka to the side and stepped forward on the platform.

He drew in a deep breath and ran across. He was doing fine, but as he came up to where the saw in the ground was he hesitated.

“Don’t jump!” Sayaka yelled.

“What? Are you fucking crazy!?” He snapped over his shoulder.

“Don’t jump! If you do you’ll go into the water! If you keep running straight you’ll be fine!”

He looked from her to the saw and let out a scream, “you better be right about this!” Running forward he closed his eyes waiting for the saw to chop off his legs, but as he was just about to run into it, it receded into the ground.

Sayaka sighed, “thank god that was right…”

“How did you know?” the man with the glasses standing next to her asked. She glanced at him and smiled.

“The two people that died both died from falling into the water not the saws. The saws have sensors that make them retract when someone is about to touch it, but if you jump the floor is unstable and will give way,” she replied.

Two minutes remaining. She looked down at the phone as the voice rang out, “we should get across.”

Sayaka and the man with glasses walked across with no saws even coming close to cutting them, and as the clock began to count down thirty seconds they stepped into the circle on the second platform. At the end of the countdown everyone’s phones lit up.

Congratulations. Game cleared. A four day visa has been issued to all players.

“4 of Diamonds done,” Sayaka sighed closing her eyes and leaning her elbows on her knees.

“That was very impressive.”

Sayaka raised her head to look at the man with the glasses, and rubbed the back of her head, “Well, you really start to pay attention when people die I guess.”

“I’m with a group that’s trying to win this game. I think you’d be a good addition,” he added. Sayaka hesitated she had only met one other person so far in the borderlands she had spent extra time with, but they had died fairly quickly and she’d been alone since. Although, winning and leaving this world was a very tempting offer.

“Come with us we’ll introduce you to our leader,” he said waving a hand and she was surrounded by the other two men from the game. She hesitated, but started walking when she noticed the guns poking out of their pockets. Where did they even get guns?

Sayaka was led to an old beat up corvette outside where they tucked her in the backseat between the two men with guns. This was starting to feel less like an introduction and more like a kidnapping. They squealed the tires as they tore of the parking lot and down the road towards the river.

Eventually they pulled up in front of a large beach club that she recognized. Her parents used to take her and her sister here when they were kids, except now it looks slightly more rundown and Beach in red spray paint was scrawled across the original sign. But, the most interesting thing about the old club was that it seemed to be the only building in Tokyo that still had electricity aside from the game arenas.

“Welcome to the Beach, follow me,” the man with glasses ordered as he got out of the car.

Sayaka followed him inside where there were hundreds of people wearing swimsuits and running around without a care in the world.

“What the fuck did I get myself into?” She whispered.

The man with glasses led her upstairs to a room in the main building of the club where 8 other people in swimsuits sat at a table and you couldn’t hear the pounding music.

“Kuzuryu. Welcome back, have you found us a new member?” A man with sunglasses and long hair declared waving his arms.

“Yes, she did exceptionally well in the 4 of Diamonds game. I think she could make a good addition,” Kuzuryu said handing the Diamonds card to him.

“Wonderful! My name is Hatter and welcome to the beach! What’s your name beautiful?” The way he said beautiful and peered over the top of his sunglasses made her stiffen.

“Sayaka Umino.”

“Sayaka, the beach is a haven! I made this place so we could all have hope that one day we’ll get out of here and all go home! But, we all must work together to make that dream a reality,” he paused and stood up from his chair to wave his hands dramatically at the window, “hope! Hope is what this place is for, so we can all survive these terrible games! The beach is a place where you can do anything your heart desires as long as you follow the rules.”

There was another pause and Sayaka foolishly opened her mouth, “what are the rules?”

“I’m so glad you asked!” Hatter turned quickly his robe flaring dramatically behind him, “Rule #1: Always wear a bathing suit!”

“Why?” The question came out of her mouth before she could stop it and she stiffened as she waited for the response.

“You can’t hide a weapon in bathing suits! Only militants are allowed to carry weapons, so you must wear a bathing suit.” Sayaka pouted, no thank you.

“Rule #2 you are free to live your life however you want here. Drugs, sex, alcohol, it doesn’t matter! You can do whatever you want!” Hatter turned dramatically waving at the window again at all the people partying outside. Sayaka furrowed her eyebrows, this place sounded more like a nightmare than paradise.

“And rule #3?”

There was a long pause and a heavy silence hung in the room. Hatter leaned closer to the window resting his hands on the sill, “Rule #3 is…” he turned around to look at her, “death to all traitors.”

Sayaka drew in a sharp breath through her nose as she stared at him. One of the guys by the wall shifted his Ak-15 and a sadistic smile spread on his face. Guess me saying no makes me a traitor.

“So? Sayaka what do you say?” Hatter asked taking a step towards her and holding his arms out.

“Sure, I’ll join…” she replied quietly.

“SPLENDID!” Hatter’s exclamation made her jump as he turned around back to the table of people, “Ann please take Sayaka to get a bathing suit and get her wristband.”

“Yes Hatter,” a woman with short black hair and sunglasses stood up from the table and headed to the door, “follow me.”

“Welcome to the beach Sayaka, and enjoy!” Hatter called as she walked towards the door.

“Thanks…” she mumbled and followed Ann out.

 Ann led Sayaka downstairs to the gift shop, and bent down to lift the metal gate up before turning sharply to Sayaka, “pick one.”

Sayaka walked through the shop with a frown. Most of the swimsuits for women were skimpy bikinis, and judging by Hatter’s speech about what you could do at the beach she could see why. She settled on a teal one-shoulder bikini, with a black stripe on the top and bottom, and a pair of black board shorts. At the entrance to the shop Ann handed her a red wristband.

“This is your room. Please go up and change. Welcome to the beach,” Ann said quietly before walking away.

Sayaka sighed, “guess this is where I’m staying now,” she muttered as she headed to her room.

 Sayaka went up to her room on the third floor and changed before heading back downstairs to investigate her new home.

Hatter wasn’t joking you could really do whatever you wanted at the beach, it was like one big frat party. Everyone was either dancing, drinking, smoking, or sloppily making out in plain sight, among other things… Cringing as she walked past a particular corner of the hotel with multiple couples, if this is what hope looks like I’m not sure I want any part of it... But, that thought didn’t last long when she stumbled upon the dining room. Where the hotel would have usually held dinner or breakfast service was transformed into an elaborate buffet piled high with food, most likely for the returning players of the evening.

Sayaka could literally feel her mouth water. In the two weeks she’d been in the borderland all she’d been able to eat was snacks from a gas station and some questionable cans of vegetables. She felt her stomach rumble as she walked up to the buffet and grabbed a plate.

“Where to start?” She piled her plate high with steak, lo mein, dumplings, and BBQ, “I don’t care where this came from, I don’t care how they got it, I just want to stuff my face,” she cooed as she settled down at a table.

Sayaka sat and ate closing her eyes at the heavenly taste of real food for the first time in weeks, “if this is what hope is maybe Hatter isn’t wrong,” she sighed. She finished her first plate of food and leaned back in her chair with her eyes closed. The blaring bass of the music seemed to fade away for a minute and this was all there was, Sayaka sitting there with food in her stomach and feeling relatively safe. But, that moment of bliss was interrupted by a voice.

“Well hello there beautiful, you must be new around here.” Sayaka opened one eye to glance at the boy in swim trunks who had wandered over to her table. He placed a hand on the table and leaned over way too close to Sayaka’s face.

Shrinking back in her chair Sayaka pouted, “yea. I’m new. Excuse me I’m going to get more food,” she turned away from the boy as she got out of her chair, snatching the plate off the table and heading back to the buffet.

As she started loading her plate again the boy followed her, “aw come on sweetheart there’s way more to do here than just food. Why don’t you come have a drink with me and I’ll show you the ropes?” he cooed, and Sayaka felt a hand slide onto the exposed skin on the small of her back as he leaned over the table to cage her in.

“No thanks not interested,” she mumbled brushing his arm away to sidestep along the buffet.

“Pity. The Beach may have amazing food, but that cannot be the only thing you’d want to do on your last days alive?” He leaned over her again, but this time plucked a piece of BBQ pork off her plate and plopped it into his mouth, “Live like you’re dying baby. Haven’t you heard? We’re all fu—“ He didn’t get to finish his sentence as Sayaka whipped around slamming her fist into his cheek causing him to spit the pork out onto the floor. He landed with a loud thud and stared up at her in absolute shock.

“What the fuck!?”

“Don’t touch my fucking food!” Sayaka snapped.

There was a long pause as the guy scrambled to his feet, “you crazy bitch,” and ran off.

“Hmph…” Sayaka stood a deep frown forming on her face. She glanced over to the side noticing that the room had gotten quiet and everyone was staring at her. She grunted and turned around pushing her plate further onto the table, “made me lose my appetite,” she muttered and heading out of the dining room.

 She wandered around the hotel before settling on one of the few beach chairs that wasn’t being “used”. Everyone at the beach was truly living like it was their last day on Earth. Sayaka sighed, I guess because it technically could be.

The pool wasn’t as nice as Sayaka remembered it. This hotel used to be a pristine beach club for its very rich members, but now it was nothing more than a sketchy nightclub. The bass of the techno music made ripples in the water that were barely noticeable around the swarms of people jumping around in it. Their bodies were tightly packed and gyrating together like a wave of humans instead of water.

“Hi.” Sayaka was snapped out of her thoughts when a girl wearing a purple one piece and a side skirt spoke to her.

“Uh, hi,” Sayaka mumbled.

“You’re new huh?” She said. Sayaka nodded, but didn’t speak, “do you mind if I sit? It’s kinda the last chair,” she asked gesturing around to the other occupied beach lounges.

Sayaka hesitated, but moved over and nodded, “sure.”

The girl sat down and leaned over onto her knees before looking up at Sayaka, “my name’s Madoka. What’s yours?” She offered out her hand.

Sayaka watched it for a second before taking it slowly like a stray cat considering a free piece of food, “Sayaka.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What?” Sayaka raised her eyebrows.

“I’m sorry that you’re here,” Madoka glanced at her out of the corner of her eye, “in the borderlands I mean, but…” She paused and let out a sigh, “I can’t say the beach can always be better.”

Sayaka knit her eyebrows together watching her, “what do you mean? I thought this was meant to be the ‘oasis in the desert’,” she made air quotes.

Madoka turned to look at her with a sympathetic look in her gray eyes, “it can be. As long as you follow the rules,” her voice dropped to a whisper.

Almost as if on cue a group of people strolled by the pool with guns slung over their shoulders and hanging by their sides. She recognized some of them from her “introduction meeting”. A bald man with a scar over his eye and made of nothing but solid muscle, a man with tattoos over his face and a katana slung across his back, and the man with the Ak-15 and piercings on his face; along with at least 5 other men and women carrying weapons. They sauntered past the pool made comments to a couple of people and picked up 3 girls who seemed nervous, but happily leaned into the man with the piercings.

“The militants.”

“Hm?” Sayaka turned towards Madoka.

“Those are the militant corp. They maintain…” she paused, “order.”

Sayaka watched the group as they left the pool, “order, huh?”

“Yea… steer clear of them, obey the rules, and this place could be your own personal slice of heaven,” she paused as a loud moan came from one of the girls in the pool, “if that’s your sort of thing…” she mumbled.

Sayaka’s eyes scanned the pool. This certainly wasn’t her idea of heaven. All the food in the world wouldn’t make this heaven even in the borderlands. She had people to get back to this was just temporary. A white spot in the sea of bodies snapped her back to attention. A boy probably not much older than herself was leaning against the doorway wearing a white sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his face. He had been at the meeting too, sitting at the table two seats over from Hatter.

“Madoka.”

“Hm?” She raised her head.

“Who’s that?” Sayaka asked nodding her head slightly in his direction without looking at him again.

Madoka took the hint and passed a glance around the whole pool, so as not to bed suspicious, “that’s Chishiya he’s one of the 9 executive members. They help Hatter make decisions.”

Sayaka cast a glance over his direction again to find that he was gone and she frowned, suspicious little shit.

“Just don’t cause any trouble and you shouldn’t have to deal with them much,” Madoka paused and let out a chuckle, “although, I can’t say you’re off to a good start.”

Sayaka snapped her head around to look at her, “what?”

“I saw you slug the guy who touched your butt in the dining room. Honestly you better get used to that unfortunately happens often, and you don’t want the militants getting involved,” she added glancing back to the door they had disappeared through.

“It wasn’t because he touched my ass…” Sayaka mumbled looking down.

Madoka put her head to the side, “what was it then?”

“He took a piece of food off my plate…” she mumbled.

“What?”

“He took a piece of food off my plate, okay!” Sayaka snapped, “I haven’t eaten actual food in 2 weeks and he comes over all flirty and shit, and takes a piece of BBQ pork off my plate!? No fucking way!”

Madoka fell against the back of the chair laughing hysterically her bun bobbing back and forth.

“What?” Sayaka muttered.

“I can’t believe you punched him over a piece of BBQ!” She wheezed wiping the tears from her eyes.

“I’ve been hungry!” Sayaka replied waving her arms, “you don’t take food away from animals they bite!”

“Oh now you’re an animal!?”

“I just meant you don’t take people’s food! Especially people that haven’t eaten anything, but canned shit since they’ve gotten to this hellhole.”

“Oh some of those canned foods were questionable before the apocalypse now I don’t even know. I can’t believe you ate that!”

“I didn’t have much of a choice!”

“And how did you feel after that?” Madoka asked quirking an eyebrow.

Sayaka grimaced, “I threw up like twice…” she muttered.

Madoka burst out laughing again, while Sayaka pouted her cheeks turning red.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I totally understand I had the same problem before I came to the beach. I ate some food that was frozen and had thawed, and had diarrhea for like 2 days,” Madoka said laughing again.

Sayaka smiled and laughed, “oh god that would suck. We don’t even have working toilets out here!”

“Trust me I know!”

Sayaka and Madoka sat on the beach chair laughing together about their experiences, and at the people around them. Barely acknowledging the red lasers that shot down from the sky in the distance killing those whose visas expired. For a little while it didn’t feel like the beach was sketchy or they were trapped in this hellish borderland. It felt like Sayaka and Madoka were just long time friends who were having fun at a party on a Friday night, and there wasn’t the possibility of death looming over their heads.

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

photo credit Jim Huylebroek for the New York Times

* * * * *

Michael J. Tallon

“I've been thinking about Afghanistan over the past few days, as many of you have, as well. It's obviously a crazily complex and chaotic system right now, and it would be hard to predict how things play out in the coming weeks or months. There could very easily be a confrontation between Taliban forces and US/Coalition forces in Kabul. That really depends on unit cohesion and chain-of-command durability on the Taliban side - with the big question being, "How far can we push them during the evacuation?" 

After a hideous day or two at the airport about a week ago, it seems that something like an orderly evacuation is in process. Sure, it's crazy. Sure, there are thousands of people outside the airport, desperate to get in. But no one is flushing onto the runways. That happened in an understandable panic when the Ghani government fled (with hundreds of millions of dollars in their luggage), and the Taliban emerged from all over Kabul. Note this: You never saw video of an army triumphantly marching on the capital city. Why? Well, eerie as it may be, it's because they were already there. 

As of two days ago, C-130 flights have been leaving on the hour, and we're clearing about 5000 people a day. Given that we've set a schedule of last-wheels-up for August 31, that means we'll move about another 50,000 allies and vulnerable families out of the country, and to make sure we are maximizing those efforts, it appears that some forward actions have been taken. French forces went and grabbed some of their people two days ago from a house in Kabul. Yesterday, a Chinook helicopter hopped over to the Baron Hotel, a few hundred meters from the airport to grab some folks. More of that will likely happen, which might - just might - cause a reaction from Taliban forces on the ground. That could get very ugly, very quickly, and I'd imagine there are lines of communication open between Taliban leadership and US military leadership to prevent that from happening. Oddly, as politics make strange bedfellows, the Biden Administration, the US Military, and the Taliban all want the same thing right now. They want the US out of Afghanistan, and can likely be marshaled in that direction. Still, near-term chaos could ensue if someone on the ground gets pissy. 

That stuff is all really unclear. But blow the perceptual lens out a bit - to the next few years - and things get a little clearer. 

1) Very soon, western military forces will be gone from the country, at least in sizeable formations. Never doubt the penetrative capacity of US Special Forces, but the force presence will likely be down to dozens, rather than thousands. 

2) The Taliban will need to figure out how to run a country. They clearly have some capacity for taxation and enforcement, but the rest of it - maintaining a power grid, providing water and electric infrastructure, some semblance of healthcare - will be an enormous challenge. Also, as they'll be attempting to fund a state, they'll need significantly more resources than they have required so far for the support of an advancing army. The 2019 GDP of Afghanistan was about $20 billion dollars. For comparison, the GDP of New York State is $1.5 trillion. So, it's not a rich country, and for the past 20 years, a sizable percentage of that wealth came in from US military largess - and most of THAT got siphoned off to a corrupt cadre of elites who managed to be such awful people that their countrymen would rather have the Taliban in charge - and that's something. 

The GDP of that troubled nation is going to take a massive hit this year, on top of which, the Biden Administration has recently frozen about $10 billion dollars of Taliban funds that they had secured in US banks - which is mindblowing in and of itself. 

So, how do they get that money back? How do they entice other foreign investors to provide the needed resources? How do they do that in a region of the world where there are predators on all sides? It's gonna be mighty tricky, but one potential way forward would be to TRY and reform their most brutal of practices.

No one has any illusions about the Taliban becoming liberal adherents of Enlightenment principles, but maybe there will be a push for fewer public execution festivals in the town football pitch? Maybe rather than banning all women and girls from reading, they'll keep the schools open, but demand the girls dress in burkhas. I don't know if that will be the case, but there are at least some early signs that some "moderate" Taliban will lean that way.  This leads to the next likely scenario a year or two out. 

Civil War. 

3. Go back through your history of radicals taking over as governing forces. The French Revolution is the most commonly used example of what happens when purists are put into the position of actually running a state. Though you could also look to Ireland in 1922-23. This is admittedly analogy as history and might be completely wrong, but my sense is there's a real possibility of the Taliban fracturing along "reformist" and "purist" wings. IF the Taliban leadership tries to live inside the rules of the community of nations; if they try to moderate their practices to encourage investment and growth, THEN you might very likely see the rise of a revanchist faction who really, truly believes the world should be returned to the fashion of seventh century Saudi Arabia. 

Add to that potential chaos the reality that small fiefdoms of well-armed local leaders with significant self-interest in controlling the flow of limited resources will emerge all over the country, and these past years could end up looking rather peaceful by comparison - which would bring us to the next point - Afghanistan is in an ugly, ugly neighborhood for geopolitics. 

4. Afghanistan is bordered by four major geopolitical forces. Pakistan to the south, Iran to the west. China to the east, and Russia (under its regional proxies, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan) to the north. For the past twenty years, the United States has been on the ground, and that served to limit (but not stop) their influence in the region. Of the four major players, Pakistan has been particularly active in supporting the Taliban and allowing them to have cross-border safe-havens which made defeating them practically impossible. 

But how in the hell will those four power centers resolve the coming decades in what will likely be a very chaotic, poor, corrupt, and broken land? Russia and China will both be working hard and brutally to blunt the spread of militant Islam on their borders. Pakistan will now need to deal with its violent attack dogs as a neighboring government, potentially destabilizing the political reality of Pakistan itself. As to Iran . . . my Lord, I have no clue. All I know is that the Taliban are Sunni and the Ayatollahs are Shi'a - and that's its own 1000-year-old can of worms. 

-----

I've been writing this now for an hour or so. I do that sometimes just to try and think through the complexities, and I end where I began. No matter how ugly these past few days have been, I think that Biden both made the right choices, and is doing a pretty damn good job, all things considered. The pressures on Afghanistan are brutal - the poverty, the corruption, the geopolitical crucible in which it sits, the religious divisions, the tribal rivalries, the forces of modernization and radical revanchism, the international finances. Ugh. 

Back in 1820, Thomas Jefferson wrote a letter to John Holmes. The subject was the Missouri Compromise which threatened to destabilize the nation by expanding slavery to the West but kept it whole by allowing Maine to join in the East - thereby balancing the interests of Northern free-staters, and Southern slavers. He understood that slavery ultimately would provide to great an internal pressure to keep the country whole - and he feared the day those forces would eventually tear us apart. He wrote of slavery that "we have the wolf by the ear, we can neither safely hold it, nor safely let it go." 

That's been the case with Afghanistan since we first invaded nearly 20 years ago, and as the fourth President who had to make this choice, Joe Biden finally accepted it was time to make Afghanistan someone else's problem. Yeah, he got bit by the wolf. Yeah, a lot of people are going to suffer. But when you look ahead at the absolute horrorshow of Central Asia in the next fifty years, my sense is that history will determine he made the right terrible choice.  

Love to you all.

Thanks to Michael J. Tallon

[marvels-writings]

Escape (3)

| Part 1 | Part 2 | 

Series Masterlist

Maria Hill Masterlist

Request: Hi! I always love your writing. Everything is closed in New Zealand for at least another 3 weeks so your writing helps keeps me sane. Could you please do a Maria Hill x reader. Maybe the reader is an assassin that Maria has been trying to bring in for months but reader always manages to escape. The reader catches feelings for Maria during their many encounters and one day helps her save one of the avengers. Maria asks reader “if i asked you to stay, would you?”. Angst but Happy ending please ☺

A/N: I need to plan out series better instead of making it up as I go, and the collage isn’t mine

This was never the life you’d wanted, you never wanted to run from hideout to hideout and find new ones. You knew you would need to find a new hideout in New York, somehow all the trouble in the world ended up here. The footsteps pounded up the stairs and reached the door, you smirked and left a note in front of the vase, gathering your bag and crouching on the windowsill and looking down at the street when Maria kicked open the door, pistol pointed inside.

She walked forwards and read the note, it said ‘I told you I’d put them in water ;)’. Maria couldn’t help the smile which crept up her face, she turned around to see you sitting on the windowsill, the bag held on your left side, your right side dangling out of the window.

“If it means anything to you, I did have a great night.” You winked at Maria and jumped, using the bag to slow you down and rolling when you hit the floor. Smirking up at Maria who looked down at you through the window before you sprinted off towards the SHIELD cars to get your other bag back.

Maria called in backup, she didn’t know you needed her to call backup to get your bag back. You snuck around the front, wearing a mask to look like an ordinary citizen with a bag, only your hair was the same. You’d used a change of clothes, now you wore a simple fav/color t-shirt,

“Miss, have you seen this woman?” One of the agents asked you, showing you two pictures, one of you without makeup, one of you impersonating the agent.

You suppressed a smirk and nodded your head ‘no’ before continuing towards the car. All the agents headed away from the cars, scouring the crowd for you. One agent was guarding the car with your bag, you approached them carefully, pretending to ask for help, you reached into your pocket to pull out a map but you pulled out your taser, quickly knocking them unconscious and putting the agent in the car.

You threw your bag into the car, taking the bag that had been there, putting dirty clothes and things you didn’t need in the bag in the car and taking extra weapons, masks, another suit, a change of clothes, fake ids and an extra credit card in your bag, leaving the unconscious agent in the back with an apology note and made your way away from the scene, looking over your shoulder in case anyone noticed you. 

Somehow, none of the agents noticed you leaving with a different backpack, or even noticing the switch. You heard them shouting and reading your apology note out loud and you subtly sped up, lip twitching up in a smirk as you walked away from the scene and towards another hideout. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

This hideout was better located, it was away from the city and security cameras. It was a cabin near New York City, the previous owner had died, you’d bought it from his son, who had wanted nothing to do with the cabin. Using the extra money you had, you had renovated the cabin and gotten new furnishings. This was the hideout you came to when you needed to relax, it was completely off the grid, you could almost call it a home.

You threw your bag on the couch and lay down next to it, pulling out your phone and lifting it to eye level to see a notification from Maria. You smirked tiredly and clicked on it after securing your phone so she couldn’t track you.

‘Why?’ was the only text from her, you sighed and sat up.

‘That’s the only question you have?’ You texted back, switching your phone off immediately after, you got up and went to the refrigerator, there was nothing inside except for a few frozen food items which were probably going to expire soon.

You sighed and closed the door, getting some water from the sink and making your way to the bedroom to get some deserved rest. The cabin was one of your favorite investments, all of the walls were covered in bulletproof glass, it allowed you to get a full view of the forest around you, but you felt safe knowing that nothing less than a missile could break through the glass.

You changed into an old camp sweatshirt and sweatpants you’d left in the closet and flopped down on the comfy bed. You fell asleep quickly, watching birds outside and listening to them sing to each other, feeling more peaceful than you have in months. 

-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Waking up in a familiar place was the best feeling, you knew exactly where you were and how you got here. You smiled to yourself and got off your bed, yawning and scratching your hair as you looked around. Maria stood at the foot of your bed, in a navy, body-con dress with her eyebrow raised and her hands on her hips. Her hair was in a tight bun, one or two strands to frame her face. 

Your hand instantly went under the pillow to where you’d left a gun only to find that it wasn’t there anymore. Maria waved the gun in front of her, you looked outside the window, there wasn’t any backup, it was just her. 

“Just you?” You asked, your voice still raspy from sleep as you slid off your bed, smoothly retrieving a knife from the side of your mattress and tucking it in the pocket of your sweatpants.

“Just me, you weren’t replying to my texts,” Maria stated, you shrugged and put on some slippers, walking towards Maria who stepped aside and let you go through the door as you put your hair in a messy bun.

“So you decided to pop in?” You joked, then furrowed your brows and turned to face her. 

“How the hell did you even find me?” You asked, Maria, smirked and leaned an elbow against the dark granite counter as you walked towards the fridge.

“I put a tracker in the bag you’d left behind,” Maria answered, you looked outside the window from the kitchen, there were no other cars.

“How did you know I’d come for the bag?” You questioned, making a mental note to change the bag and clean all the weapons for trackers.

“Call it a gut feeling, and there isn’t anyone else,” Maria said, you flinched when she noticed, you took out frozen waffles from the fridge and a container of Kirkland maple syrup.

“Waffles?” You offered, Maria raised an eyebrow, you shrugged and put them back in the fridge, making sure the gun in the fridge had the safety off.

“Why are you here?” You demanded after putting the waffles in the microwave and turning to face her. 

You put your hands on the counter and leaned closer to her face, looking for any sort of reaction, trying to prevent staring at her blue eyes. You smirked when you saw her glance towards your lips and inhale sharply, leaning away from you before answering.

“To talk,” Maria answered, sitting on one of the barstools across the counter, you tilted your head to the side.

The microwave drew your attention away from her, you took the waffles out of the microwave and poured maple syrup, scouring the fridge for whipped cream then adding that and switching on the coffee pot. You took some silverware from one of the drawers and started eating as Maria stared at how casual you were.

“Talk.” You said, gesturing to her with your knife, the brunette took a deep breath, this was going to be more complicated than she thought, mainly because of you.

“Weapons?” She asked, you looked at her, not amused, she sighed, she knew you weren’t going to discard the knife in your pocket.

“Talk,” You said again, Maria sighed and rested her elbows on the counter, watching you eat breakfast.

“You’re supposed to be the frightened one spilling all your secrets,” Maria muttered, you chuckled while eating, scooping a bit of whipped cream on the fork and shrugging.

“I never really do what I’m ‘supposed to’, now tell me why you’re here and why I should care.” You stated Maria’s eyes widened at how direct you were.

“You said you didn’t want this life, I can get you out of it.” Maria offered, you groaned and put the last bite of waffles in your mouth, eating the last bit of whipped cream and putting your plate and silverware in the dishwasher.

“I doubt that, but tell me how anyway.” You said, you smirked and walked to sit next to Maria on one of the barstools, your knee brushing hers lightly as you turned to face her. Maria subtly clenched her jaw, causing your smirk to grow, this was going to be better than you thought.

| Part 4 | 

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A/N: Feedback is amazing, thank you!

[dopescotlandwarrior]

Sinners & Saints-Chapter 3

                       A special thank you to @statell​ the best beta ever

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter Three

Claire strained to get the bodysuit up her arm and over her shoulder. She had been at this for thirty minutes and had one more arm to go. She felt sweat roll down from her temple and grunted the rest of the way into the bodysuit that instantly made her morbidly obese. She pulled her fat clothes on and stuffed her hair into a shag wig that layered hair against her cheeks and forehead. Blue contacts were centered in her eyes and she was ready.

Jamie addressed his team at breakfast, giving last-minute positions and handing out the castle floor plan.

“There is a ten thousand pound bonus to the man that catches Casper in the act. Let me know where he is and stay with him. I only need three minutes with the man then you can arrest him. He has this coming.”

Claire came in through the air shaft and looked through the grate . It appeared to be someone’s office and it was empty. She popped the grate off, preventing it from bouncing on the hardwood floor. Cracking the door, she rushed out when the hall was empty and joined the other handlers unpacking the treasures. The statue was a foot away from where she was working and when she scooted her bulky body around the display, blocking the camera, the statue disappeared for just a moment, and then it was back. It was time to go.

She told her partner, “I gotta take a shit, right back.” When she walked briskly around the corner, she felt the air get sucked out of her lungs and instantly changed direction. James Fraser was walking directly for her, fortunately with his head down. She needed to get out of the castle before someone recognized the statue was a fake. She started running from room to room looking for a way out. She ran through a kitchen and saw a delivery truck behind the castle and the door standing open. She leaned forward to make a run for the door but jumped back into a pantry when Jamie’s voice was coming toward her. Struggling to quiet her breathing she could see his outline through the vent in the door. He was less than a foot away and she could smell his aftershave. Jamie spoke into his walkie and assembled his team in the exhibit hall.

Jamie looked down at one of the handlers.

“The fat girl said she was going to the lu and never came back. I didn’t see her scan out. Just letting you know.”

Jamie and his men spread out and searched the castle for a fat girl looking for a bathroom. This waste of time was irritating. He wasn’t here to manage the handlers or look for a girl with a gastric issue today. His walkie crackled.

“Ah, we have an issue in the exhibit. One of the pieces has been replaced with a fake.”

Once Jamie was out of the kitchen, Claire made a run for the door praying she wouldn’t be seen and pushed her long legs as fast as they would go. She headed for the woods and cover, trying to get her direction so she could find her car.

People in the castle were shouting and running outside to look in every direction and then back in. They discovered the fake statue and if she didn’t get very lucky in the next few minutes Jamie Fraser would finally catch Casper. She said a Hail Mary and chose a direction. Five minutes later she ran right into her rental car.

“Christ almighty, thank God.” The little green bug was pushed to its limit and came bursting out of the woods at the bottom of the hill the castle was built on. It was dangerous and terrifying to race the little car through the woods, but she would not be seen getting back on the road this way. Claire was panting from fear and heat as she flew down the road in her rented bug. She parked behind the hotel and took the service elevator to her room, ripping her bodysuit off as she came through the door. She reached into a hollowed-out pocket in the fat abdomen and pulled out the statue. She might have the hounds of hell coming down on her, but she took a minute to admire the ancient artifact before rolling it into lambswool and placing it in a fake two-liter soda bottle.

Claire checked out of the hotel by phone and headed to a toy store to buy an assortment of toddler toys that she ripped open and dropped into her carry-on. The toys would act like a cushion for the statue after she got it through the x-ray scanner. To do that, she wrapped the statue in carbon paper and affixed it to the bottom of her bag. A sheet of Teflon was laid over it and glued down to the case. When the glue was dry she piled the toys on top.

She raced to the airport and dropped off her rental car then headed for the terminal. She had no idea if the X-ray scanner would pick up the gold statue. If it did, she would be caught and her life would be over. She placed her carry on in the bin and waited at the other side almost fainting with relief when it popped out of the scanner and rolled toward her. Her legs could hardly hold her up as she walked away. Sticking her hand in the bag she pulled at the Teflon until it ripped away. The carbon paper was next and she balled the material up and pushed it into a waste receptacle. Now If her bag was inspected, the statue was just another toy.

Claire requested stand-by, first available flight to Paris, and was told to board flight 312. The woman pointed to the gate that was a brisk walk away and Claire boarded gratefully. When the plane lifted into the air, she allowed herself to exhale and relax. She pulled her phone out and sent a text to Javier. ..’Coming for spaghetti dinner, extra meatballs on mine. Landing 1h10m.’

Javier looked at the text and couldn’t believe it. The code was set between them five years ago and never used. Spaghetti dinner meant, I’m in trouble and coming in hot. Extra meatballs meant go dark, get off the grid.

“Gentlemen, cell phones off, batteries out, this is not a drill. Joseph, the Bear lands in forty minutes, find her.”

Claire pounded two shots of whisky and closed her eyes so she could think. What the hell was Jamie Fraser and his team doing at the castle, today of all days. He would not go there unless someone tipped him off and that thought was terrifying. Forty-five minutes of considering every conclusion to this horrific situation and she was coming undone. Were they waiting at the terminal to arrest her? Had Javier already been arrested? She felt the plane descending and saw the green earth beneath them. Hold on to your sanity, she told herself, you’re almost home.

Claire was very protected by Javier. She would hand off the stolen piece to one of his men, usually within the hour of her possession, and leave the country clean. This was the first time she boarded a plane with the evidence that would convict her, and she was completely unnerved by the experience. Someone was assigned to take the statue in Germany, but she didn’t trust anyone at the moment.

Joseph weaved through traffic at the airport and finally saw Claire walking briskly away from the terminal. He pulled up to the curb and she jumped a foot off the walkway. Not a word was spoken during the ride back and Joseph pulled into the lower garage at the mansion so Claire wouldn’t be seen. Javier was waiting for her and pulled her to his office.

Javier waited while Claire caught her breath. “When was your last sweep in here?”

My darling Bear, spaghetti and meatballs is not a dish quickly eaten. One moment, I will get you a cocktail. One of the men came into the office and swept it for bugs, leaving quickly shaking his head no.

“You may speak freely.”

“What are the odds of James Fraser and his team showing up at a German castle for the Pharaoh exhibit, today? With the statue in my possession, I nearly ran right into him. What reason would he have to be there? Why was his whole team at Sotheby’s two months ago?” Claire put her hand up and exhaled loudly. “He ranted from anger when we were stuck in the rubble. He got control of himself but not before saying his black market snitch told him the Rembrandt would be in play.”

Javier waited for Claire to get it all out. He almost lost it when her eyes filled with tears and her chin quivered as she pushed back on her fear.

“Javier, someone close to you is passing information to Jamie, or the police, and he is hearing it from them. All your men know who I am so I must assume James Fraser knows the true identity of Casper. Jesus Christ, the time he spent with me in Paris, why not arrest me right there? He needs to catch me in the act or risk losing his case to good lawyers is why. You have a rat in your house Javier and he nearly cost me the next twenty years of freedom.”

Javier leaned back in his chair with an expression rarely seen. It was murderous.

“It would seem so. Have a bath and some food and rest a bit. It will not be quick to catch this rat so you must be a teacher for a while until I can catch him. Okay?”

Claire nodded and made her way upstairs leaving the statue on Javier’s desk. She was completely exhausted and confused about Jamie Fraser. Had he known her identity from the start? If so, he was very good at hiding his hand, she never suspected a thing. The smell and serenity of her room were the last straw holding her together, so she sank into the familiar covers and cried.

Claire stayed with Javier for a week before she felt brave enough to board a plane to Chicago. She was out of the thieving business for the foreseeable future, possibly a year Javier said. He tried to convince her to quit but she wasn’t ready. On her trip back to Chicago, she considered the fortune she had amassed in real estate, gold, art, and more stock than she could remember. It was more money than she could spend in a lifetime so why risk everything on the next coveted piece? Her eyelids closed and she slept all the way home.

Frank laughed at the jokes and slammed his shot with the others, smiling at his growing euphoria. He looked around the room and saw shadow people in various sexual positions. It was arousing as hell and he absently grabbed his balls.

A gorgeous girl smiled and pulled on his arm, “common big guy, I think you’re ready.”

He was led into a smaller room with a bed and the woman was taking his belt off and pulling out his dick. Throughout the night the girl would morph from an adult to a very young girl and then back again. He didn’t care as long as she kept it up.

For the rest of the weekend, Frank consumed three roofies dropped in his drink, had sex with women, men, boys and girls, and didn’t remember a thing when he stepped off the billionaire’s plane in Washington. This was his fourth trip to the island, and he looked forward to the next.

Later in the year, snow fell heavy in the Highlands and Jamie leaned against the barn and watched the fields turning white, a sight he never tired of. This year, he arrested five burgeoning art thieves, a counterfeiter, and shut down a major black market railway in Europe, but Casper eluded him still. He could not attribute a single theft to Casper in over a year and decided he had gone underground, but for how long? The men who recruited Jamie were putting pressure on him to make an arrest because someone had to be punished. It wasn’t enough that Casper wasn’t stealing art anymore. Jamie had a network of informants that had been full of information at one time and even they were disappearing or just stopped talking. He shook his head in disgust and went into the house to pack for Paris. He would be there for the week, maybe more, to add another five agents to his team. It was his first time back since the explosion as Sotheby's.

Claire walked quickly through the townhouse throwing items in her suitcase while Frank followed her like a complaining puppy. She couldn’t take it anymore and stopped abruptly feeling Frank bump into her back.

“Frank, I have hardly seen you this year. I agreed to the lecture four months ago and a new DaVinci has turned up in a French basement that I have got to examine. I will be home on Christmas day so why don’t you go see your parents while I’m gone?”

God the man was irritating, she stormed in her head. He wanted to direct her every move, dictate her social schedule, and preapprove her trips and lecture schedule. Now he wants a wedding planned for five hundred people. She wasn’t sure she even liked him anymore. The door closed on Frank Randall’s face because he was making her late. Claire was fuming as she finished packing and stormed out of the bedroom saying goodbye like an afterthought.

Claire got in line to check into her hotel and called Javier to say she landed and would see him for dinner. Jamie was completing his transaction in the line next to Claire and walked the other direction to find his room. An hour later Claire walked across the lobby in a short black skirt, black heeled boots and an oversized sweater. She pulled her Maurizio Braschi cashmere coat around her and hailed a cab. She had not been back to Paris since the ill-fated Germany job, her last job, and she was so excited to see Javier.

Jamie sat through a security workshop and pinched his leg to stay awake. His on-again-off-again girlfriend, Laighaire, was bombing his phone, knowing he would be in meetings all day. Such a pretty girl, he thought, but when the holiday parties were over and there were no more gifts to get, she would be off again, looking for a man who was everything Jamie wasn’t, primarily present and accounted for. He smiled wryly and shook his head to wake up.

Joseph drove Claire back to her hotel after dinner and she gushed about the decorations and lights around the city. The minute he pulled away she was back outside to walk around and look at all the decorations. The temperature was a comfortable thirty-two degrees, so she kept walking.

Jamie stumbled out of the workshop bleary-eyed and needing to find some fresh air. He wrapped a scarf around his neck and headed for the door. His taxi dropped him at the hotel, and he headed out for a brisk walk before dinner.

He saw her sitting on a bench, her ponytail was long and rested on her shoulder. Her lips were pink frost and she smiled at the night. Just lovely, he thought. The woman stood and walked toward him, he kept looking until his feet stopped, and he froze. Impossible. As she got closer, Jamie’s smile was like a beacon and she searched his face.

“Jamie Fraser!”

She jumped into his outstretched arms and kissed his cheek. Jamie smelled her neck and had the same happy grin he had the first time. “God, you smell like heaven. Can you walk with me a bit, we need to catch up.”

They walked through Paris arm in arm for the next two hours, and as before, thoroughly enjoyed the company of the other. Claire was trying to get a signal that he knew she was Casper and decided he was a fantastic liar, or he didn’t know. When they had a nightcap in the hotel bar, she looked in his eyes and asked if he had caught Casper yet. All she saw was sincere sadness and he shook his head no.

“No, lass. Casper went dark a year ago. He retired, or he’s dead, neither work in my favor. I think the team will be disbanded and I,” his eyes looked haunted for a moment, “will be reassigned if I can’t catch him in the next six months.”

Jamie shook his head, “let’s talk about something more pleasant.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

Claire told Jamie about the changes in Frank, his estrangement, and her decision to follow her own path and then she leaned over and kissed Jamie’s cheek.

“Well, it is fortuitous we landed in the same hotel and I hope to spend more time with you while you’re here. Be a good lass and tell me when that will be.”

“Dinner, tomorrow?”

“Perfect, let me walk you home.”

At her door, he said goodnight and moved to kiss her cheek again but instead he held his head close to hers and then looked her in the eye. “Kiss me, Claire, like you did once before,” he whispered. Claire turned her head and kissed his mouth, sucking air at the intensity of the moment. Jamie gorged himself on her lips being careful not to take more than she wanted to give. He felt the key card in his hand and opened her door, kissing her inside, pulling is coat off and then hers. He broke the kiss and looked at the woman who haunted his dreams.

“Goodnight sweet Sassenach.”

Claire was startled at first but realized he felt her hesitation. She really liked Jamie, but he was an art cop and she, an art thief. One thing that was perfectly clear to her, she was done with Frank. The attributes that once attracted her were starting to crack and it was a deal-breaker for her. Besides, he never made her feel the electric current going through her body like Jamie did.

The next night, after a long day of lecture and appraisals, Claire swung the door open with an excited smile. She should be dead on her feet but spending time with Jamie tonight was exhilarating. She kissed him long and deep sending a message there would be no hesitation tonight.

They chatted throughout dinner and the silence was comfortable when they allowed themselves to stop talking and eat. Claire confessed her decision about Frank was partly due to how she felt with Jamie. He inched closer to her.

“Sassenach, is it wise to tell me such things? This lad is head over heels for you and now I know you’re free.” Claire giggled until he kissed her.

“Check please.”

Jamie grabbed her hand and helped her with her coat. “I have already paid Sassenach. Do you want to walk back?”

They stopped to kiss every other minute, so the block-long walk took thirty minutes. He kissed her in the elevator until she broke the kiss, “thirty minutes to call Javier and rinse off.” She walked briskly to her room and Jamie watched like a starving man.

The shower calmed her racing heart and she slipped into a satin nightgown that was very short and felt divine to touch. She knew seduction was the main event tonight and set candles all over the room, a purchase she made between appointments while a happy cab driver waited. Pulling her straightened hair into a ponytail and heard him knock.

Jamie brought champagne and fine chocolates and received the smile of approval from the object of his desire. He waited for her to put them in the frig and then pulled her to him, running his hand up her side and groaning at the feel of the fabric. He didn’t want to race to the bed, instead, he would see how high she wanted to go. He picked her up and sat on the couch with her across his lap. The kissing was slow and sensual as their bodies found their way to a comfortable position. They whispered in the other’s ear, smiled and kissed while their hands explored.

Jamie’s shirt was unbuttoned slowly and she helped him out of it kissing every inch she could reach. Jamie pulled the band from her ponytail loving the soft shiny hair between his fingers.

“You want champagne love?”

Jamie grabbed the bottle and chocolates, pulled Claire to her feet, and poured two glasses. He could not stop touching her and needed to see her naked. It was two years ago she invaded his space so sweetly and he could not wait any longer. While she stood in front of the mirror, he moved his hands up her body under her nightgown and pinched her nipples slightly. He could see the rosy glow on her cheeks as she pressed back into his chest. He lifted the fabric very slowly in case she pushed back until it was over her head and he was stuck staring at her body. His eyes slowly covered every inch and she watched him look her over, confident in her own skin, aware that he needed this visual experience.

The give and take between them made the night exceptional, sweet, erotic, and satisfying. Her body was so responsive to his touch and that thrilled him. When he dropped to her side, panting for his life, she pushed him onto his back, laid her head on his shoulder, and fell asleep, followed by Jamie a short time later.

Claire was hyper aware of Jamie in her bed all night. She woke up several times and went back to sleep with her hand or arm touching his skin. This gesture was sweet and tender to Jamie as he woke each time she moved, anxious to feel her hands move across his skin again.

The beeping of Jamie’s watch brought them both to consciousness as the morning rays were streaming in the windows. He jumped out of bed worried he was late for his interviews and looked around for his clothes. Claire was on her knees on the bed and spread her arms wide, still half asleep, she wanted a morning hug that made him feel weak. He pulled her close and hugged her, kissing the top of her head and asked how she felt, if she was ready for the day, if she would think of him today, and if he could get her anything. He pushed the hair out of her face and realized she was sleeping, somehow still on her knees.

“Sassenach, do you need to get up?”

She nodded her head yes and held her arms up for another hug which was warmly given.

“Dare I ask if you’re free for dinner tonight?”

“If you can wait until seven o’clock, I would love that.”

“See you at seven then.”

Claire checked her email and was shocked to see a coded message. She sent it to Tom remotely and then read what Javier had to say. ‘Rat found, extermination complete, you are safe. Do you want a new project?’ She sent her response to Tom before sending it to Javier. She passed on the project, wanting more time with Jamie to explore her feelings. She jumped to her feet and danced her way to the shower. It was going to be a great day.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. Is there someone you wanna date right now? Nope.

2. Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? We drifted and I think it was also because I was going through a lot and got wrapped in that. We also both fell off the grid and it’s been a few years now and I just moved on, I guess. I honestly don’t know what would happen if we were to reconnect. We’ve drifted apart before for a few years and when we reconnected my feelings came back.

3. Do you still talk to that person? No. Like I said, we both fell off the grid a few years ago. When I first started my downward spiral I began pushing everyone away, him included. :/ Then he literally disappeared by deleting all his Facebook and IG and I stopped hearing from him. I figured he gave up trying, but I was surprised that he deleted everything. I honestly don’t know what happened to him.

4. What are you listening to? An ASMR video.

5. Name a quote from the song you are listening to --

6. What are you doing right now? Uh, this and listening to that ASMR video.

7. Do you miss someone? My loved ones who have passed away. I miss Ty, too (who I talk about in questions 2 and 3). I really wish things could have been different. He’s such a genuine, sweet person and I messed it all up. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like him again, it’s like I missed my chance.

8. Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? I don’t think so.

9. Why was six afraid of seven? Cause 7 8 9. 10. Who is someone that you're mad at? I’m not mad at anyone.

11. When and why did you cry last? A couple nights ago because frustrations.

12. What was the first thing you said when you woke up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet.

13. Is there a meaning behind your profile song? I don’t have a profile song.

14. Do you have a best friend? Yes.

15. What was the reason why you and your last boy/girl didn't work? I explained this already.

16. Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them? No.

17. What do you think of people who have sex before marriage? That’s their choice, I don’t care.

18. Do you own a pair of green pants? Nope.

21. Do you believe that what comes around goes around? Yeah. It may not always happen while on earth, but it’ll certainly happen on judgment day.

22. What is your favorite fruit? Bananas. 23. Do you trust easily? I don’t really have an issue with trust, I have an issue with opening up and expressing myself to others. I’m not at all open like I am in surveys, I keep a lot to myself. I don’t like talking about myself and feelings and all that. I don’t like the attention and focus on me. I’m the listener, I direct the conversation on other things and onto the other person.

25. What is the most important thing in any relationship? Trust, respect, and communication are definitely at the top.

26. What is the last song to make you cry? I don’t recall.

27. Does anyone love you? I know my family does.

29. Are your best friends pretty? My mom is beautiful.

30. Last person you hung up on? A scam call.

31. If you could change anything about your appearance what would it be? There’s a lot I’d like to change.

32. Whats the one thing that's getting you through this week? I just keep going.

33. What do you miss? My childhood, loved ones who have passed, back when my health wasn’t like it is now...

34. Do you give out second chances too easily? You could say that.

35. Where was your last car ride to and from? To the doctor and then to get food and coffee before coming back home. 36. Where is one place you want to visit? There’s so many places.

37. Ever felt like no one relates to you? Yes, that’s how I do feel.

38. Next big outing? I don’t have any planned for the foreseeable future. The pandemic has made me a complete hermit crab now and even when the restrictions have been lightened/lifted I’ve still been afraid and felt uncomfortable. I’m honestly scared because I don’t know when I’ll feel safe and comfortable to go anywhere even if we see significant progress made. I’ve holed up for so long at home now, only leaving for my once a month doctor appointment. That’s literally it. And there were some months I had phone appointments and last month was over Zoom. If it weren’t for the times I had to go in person, I likely wouldn’t have left at all this whole time.

39. What are you looking forward to in the next 2 weeks? There isn’t anything.

40. Had plans and broke them? Yeah, it happens.

41. Are you a vegetarian? No.

43. What's the next holiday coming up? St. Patrick’s Day.

44. Are you looking forward to it? I don’t do anything that day, but my dad loves it cause my mom makes corned beef and cabbage, which he looks forward to every year.

45. Who are you jealous of? No one at the moment.

46. Are you a lover or fighter? I’m not looking to fight or for confrontation. I just stay in my lane.

47. Do you think your ex's new love is a slut? I don’t know if he’s dating anyone, but that’s not something I say about people.

48. What do they think of you? --

50. Who's your number one on myspace and why? Myspace died over a decade ago.