#if it wasnt for their advice i would have had to find out by experience. thats what upset had to do.

[wonder2realities]

the importance of self-trust in shifting.

when i first got into shifting, i relied a lot on shifttok but also on ppl who had shifted - id practically worship them and treat them like they were my mentors but that put me in such a vulnerable state that i ended up getting hurt from it.

there was this experienced shifter who id talk to, and they even said theyd help me with spirituality advice and such so i listened to them but nothing they were saying resonated...at all. no matter the topic, no matter how "factual" they pushed it as ; it wasnt resonating and i couldnt relate to it but since they had shifted i assumed that i was the problem.

"if they shifted theyd know better than me, what would i know? i know nothing." — this was my mindset for a year and it stunted me...heavily. i felt like i was this stupid newbie to this and i had to do everything an experienced shifter would tell me but again - that ended up stabbing me in the back because that experienced shifter was a horrible person to me and it got to a point where my mental health plummetted. i thought to myself that it was all over for me, i let go of someone who (in my eyes) knew everything even if they were horrible to me.

id meditate daily, clearing my head out to try and figure out what i should do because i knew shifting was real but i kept feeling as if i couldnt shift...like i was the problem. it wasnt until i had a moment to myself where i realised that my only problem was that i didnt trust myself.

i went out of my way to believe everyone and anyone but not myself, i believed that others would know me better than i do when in reality - id know what makes me shift or not because i am me. i know what annoys me, what would help me relax, what would help me think and connect with my drs so much better than someone who couldve known me since i was born because i FEEL these things.

and after i had that realisation and understood my power and understood that i was never a problem, i kept shifting and manifesting like it was nothing. i kept getting things i wanted in my cr, i kept going to different realities - even when i didnt shift for whatever reason i was fine. i never got mad at myself, i never blamed myself, i simply just let it go and went on with my day. if i wanted to stay in my cr for something important that i wanted to experience, id script out my day mentally and it would follow that script. not because i followed something, or because i learnt something new but because i realised that the most knowledgeable things i could learn come from myself.

whether its my higher self, my inner self or just...myself in general - i know all sorts of things about how i function and that would affect how i shift. that level of knowledge wouldnt be found anywhere else, so why would i trust others to give me that knowledge?

"i know myself better than anyone, if i want to shift i will and if i want to manifest things i will. noone else can control or stop that because this is my life, not theirs. they only gain control when i let them have control." — this became my way of viewing things and i still stick to it ; noone can control or change or make me do things unless i let them.

if you dont trust yourself or believe in yourself, you'll never find the answers youre seeking. sure, other experienced shifters can give you advice but only you know what will work for you. never let someone control your journey and never let them be the ones to claim your growth.

[ohnoholly]

EVERYONE DO A 4 DAY FAST (or more)

I recently finished my longest full fast (84hours), and it was the best decision I've made, so I want to tell you a bit about how it went and what I've noticed since finishing it.

I had binged the night before I started, so the next morning I wasnt hungry, and didn't feel like eating until late afternoon. I drank a lot of water (~3.5L throughout the day) to prevent hunger, and went to bed early so I couldn't eat. I got a bit hungry around lunch time on the second day, but after that I can honestly say I didn't feel hungry for the rest of my fast. I was surprised, I'll admit I'm one of those people with a bottomless stomach, and I'm terrible at knowing when I've had enough. It's amazing how quickly my body adapted from visibly shaking from sugar cravings to looking at or smelling foods and feeling absolutely nothing. After the second day I had normal energy and was able to do the odd workout and keep going for walks. I was thinking clearly and productive. The only issues I had were a) finding something to do to fill the time and b) the intense nausea I would get at night time from taking my vitamins without food. This was only an issue if I took longer than usual to fall asleep, so exercising before bed helped. I didn't feel hungry when I ended my fast- I am diabetic, and my blood sugar level dropped and wouldn't have risen unless I ate. I was worried eating anything would kind of 'open the floodgates' and I'd binge again, but actually this didn't happen. I went to my dining hall the next morning because I was a bit peckish, had a piece of bacon and half a hash brown, and then threw out the rest of my food because my body told me it had had enough.

Since ending my fast, I don't have sugar cravings: going cold Turkey really worked for me. I eat semi-regular meals, but I'm never really "hungry", so I don't worry about binging. I'm also fine with throwing food away: I think letting my body know what real emptiness feels like helped it learn when I've had enough, and fasting in general just killed any personal connection to food that made me feel bad about not finishing it. I lost about 4kg in my fast, which honestly isn't my record, but I've kept it off since with pretty normal eating habits (2 to 3 meals/ day with no snacks). Personally, I love that now my body physically revolts when it doesn't want food, and when it does, it doesn't demand it.

Moral of the story: do a fast. I would've loved to do a week, but just do however long you can and know it will help. The first 2-3 days will be the hardest, so remove all temptations and see how you feel from there, and you will be surprised at how easy it is. If you have any questions or want any advice you can comment/ message me and I'll help. I know fasting isn't new but I just feel so completely satisfied with my experience and want to help my disordered babies out <3

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale's Rankings: Best Ash Ketchum

Now this sounds like a weird Ranking topic, but with over 20+ years of Pokemon anime to sift through, I can tell you there are some differences.

This Ash:

Is very different than this one:

And not just in animation styles.

So I should go over the rules.

I will be distinguishing each Ash on the Tried and True method. Based on Ash's Hat. For Example, Ash in the Kanto league, Orange Islands, and Johto Ash are all the same Ash, as they have the same hat. But once he goes to Hoenn, Its a different Ash

I will be ranking them based on Personality, Pokemon team, Competence for experience level, Performance and Overall Charm.

In regards to Competence for Experience, I mean how skilled he was shown to be compared to how he is in the region

I will not be including Manga, or spin offs. Purely the anime. Movies will be included if it benefits Ash

This is a personal list and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts.

____________________________________________________________

7. Black & White Ash

This... this ash at his lowest point in my opinion.

Also 2nd lamest companions. Iris was fine but the green haired Connoisseur annoyed me.

This was around the time the anime tried to do a soft reboot/retcon within itself and had Ash still say he is 10, even though he already went through 4 regions.

This Ash isnt a terrible person or anything, but ... he is kind of an idiot in battle. He gives advice and there are times he's mature but he loses battles he has no business losing. His team is also pretty unremarkable in Unova, even with all 3 starters. He never fully evolved any of them, the only Fully Evolved pokemon from Unova being his Krookadile (His best pokemon aside from Pikachu) Leavanny and Unfezent. (Which he switched out HALF THE TIME)

His pikachu also lost to Trip (a bargain bin version of Paul) who JUST GOT his pokemon recently.

But that is nothing compared to his embarrassing performance in the Unova League.

He made it to the great 8 and ended up losing to Cameron. Who if I had describe his incompetence, it would physically hurt me.

This Ash off the bat was not going to win any Leagues. But you would think with his experience he would be better... but he wasnt.

6. Sun and Moon Ash

I hate this iteration of ash... personally dislike him.

This Ash is likely the most immature we've seen ash since Kanto. Most of his maturity is gone in the first half of the season. His battle tactics may not be as bad as the previous ash (With this Ash actually WINNING his league). But its hard to say if most of those wins feel earned. Unlike later entries on this list, this Ash stumbled into incredibly powerful pokemon (two of which are basically legendaries), but to this Ash's credit, his Incineroar and Lyconroc were trained up and earned. I also enjoyed seeing the dynamic of this ash had with his friends in alola, along with the professor. I do think this Ash didnt deserve his Win in the league... mainly because the league was hardly official in terms of rules. It was basically a tournament with half of the people being his friends. But thats me nitpicking. This Ash does show to grow and strategize better than the last Ash, so I will give him props. But thats all I am giving him. Well Okay, Pikachu helped hard carry in this season

5. Journey's Ash

This Ash is... well he is technically the most skilled Ash as he can use all the tricks and did win the Master Class. But I dont get why.

Side note Gou is the worst Companion in the entire series dont @ me I know I am right.

This Ash STUMBLES hard into all his strong pokemon. Gengar, Dragonite, Dracovish. Sir Fetched and Lucario are the only two he needed to help evolve. Also, what is up with that unbalanced Team Composition? Half weak to fairy and dragon, Half weak to ground types. How did Cynthia NOT sweep?

That may have been Nitpicking a bit, but I still stand on the former point, most of his mons were strong at the jump. In Alola, the two legendaries he finds he at least has to evolve. Sure they are legendaries, but still.

I also just found this ash a bit too kidish until the end at the master class tournament.

Now did Ash deserve to be the very best? Yes. Did this iteration of Ash deserve it... Meh. At least it wasnt Unova or Alola Ash.

I do like that this Ash actually remembers his journey and tries to improve on it... though I am still pissed at a LOT of the retcons they did.

It did give us a lot of epic battles and Pikachu's epic clash.

4. Ruby & Sapphire Ash

Now we are at the Ash's I actually enjoy.

This Ash is a more refined yet still Childish Protagonist. He has been around the block and still has his child wonder. Yet he is more brazen and intelligent. He is more strategic compared to his previous iteration and will go into battle's with clever strategies. His team is also fairly balanced, His Sceptile being the star of the show, but his hoenn league team was nothing to sneeze at, His Swellow, Glalie, and Torkoal did work.

His placement in the great 8 in Hoenn showed his improvement and was a solid placement for him at this time. After this we really got to see Ash improve in the Battle Frontier.

Now the Battle Frontier is similar to Ash in the Orange Islands, the main difference though is that this is a more mature ash with some more serious opponents. Ash had a larger arsenal of pokemon and if it wasnt for all the experience he had gained, he likely would never have beaten Brandon and his team of incredibly strong Regis

Ash had his MVP companion Brock, and was accompanied by May and Max. Max being the young curious kid helped let Ash be more mature, while May still being new to pokemon let ash give advice as well as explore new avenues for strategies by watching Contests

Out of All the Ash's I would say he is the ash I look to to show his growth.

3. Original Ash

The Original, The start, the hyper active, comedic Ash that I grew up with.

Ash in the start was a complete noob and was stubborn to a fault. Its funny how he doesnt earn Half his badges through battles at the start. His pokemon usually joined him instead of being caught, and a chunk usually left for other reasons.

This Ash does grow and has the most heart out of all the ash so far. He cares about his pokemon and this is the closest Ash to capturing the magic of a trainer on their first Journey.

During the Orange Islands and Johto he does grow a bit, learning new strategies and showing himself capable of winning. He even bests his rival Gary.

And Of course this Ash had a team of strong mons, Charizard, Pikachu, Heracross, Squirtale, Bulbasaur, Pidgeot, Lapris. and a HERD OF TAUROS! Bayleaf, Quilava, and more.

And of course the OG companions, Misty and Brock. Though tbh I never cared for Misty. She was Mid.

2. Diamond and Pearl Ash

This was VERY hard for me to decide. Ash from Sinnoh is honestly some of the Best Ash I have seen.

We see ash grow and develop a lot more of the iconic strategies and out of the box thinking we know him for. Ash had met his antithesis in Paul and would clash with him only to have one of the best battles in ALL of Pokemon in the great 8!

This Ash had The OG Brock by his side, along with Dawn, who in my personal opinion was a superior coordinator companion to May. I liked May but Dawn managed to vibe with Ash much easier in my opinion.

Ash's team with Gliscor, Torterra, Buisal, Staraptor, Gible and Infernape were a solid team base, and Ash's Pikachu also being a star in its own right

I loved the maturity of this ash, as well as the frustration he felt when being beaten by Paul at every step. He even began questioning his own ability when Paul's cutthroat tactics seemed to show such results. But it was shown through Infernape why Ash was in the right.

This Ash also should have gone farther than top 4, but dude faced DARKRAI AND LATIOS. Not Ash's fault the had to deal with the one trainer with a game shark. It did feel like Tobias was created SOLELY to stop Ash from winning. But even the final's opponent couldnt beat the darkrai while Ash at least did.

Still salty on that.

1. XY Ash

Yes, Kalos Ash is my favorite Ash. Sure Kalos as a region and a game was MID. But Mega evolutions, the battles, the way Ash grew and developed. This Ash was SUCH an improvement from Black and White Ash that it felt like this ash was from Diamond and pearl. It is Ash at his best. His most mature, his most energetic yet not annoying. This Ash is the cool ash that your GF tells you not to worry about.

Serena Clemont and Bonnie were solid compatriots. Bonnie being a better max, and Clemont being the dorky yet fun inventor. While he isnt Brock, he is still a fun character. And of Course, Serena is best girl. She didnt lose her bike to Ash's pikachu, so points. She knew him from the past, the cute crush never felt forced. It also made the times when they argued really hold weight. Ash realized he effed up when Serena was pissed.

Now for the team. Ash earned his OP team. He evolved all his pokemon save for Pikachu and Hawlucha, into the strong powerhouses they became. He was competing against Mega evolutions AND Winning. He and Greninja even bonded so hard he got a unique form. AND THAT THEME FUCKING SLAPPED

His fights in the Kalos league top 4 and final match were INSANE!

His rivalry with Sawyer was interesting, especially with how Sawyer overtook him when he was in a slump only for him to push back hard.

His rivalry with Alain also had some depth that I wish was explored more.

This Ash deserved the Win in Kalos. But even so, his fight with Alain in the final was intense and epic.

It shows how Ash went the POLAR opposite of his Unova iteration, it showed how Ash struggled and grew on the level of Sinnoh, and it showed how he was a leader in his own right. This was Ash at his best.

[strrvnge]

Back again! How about Strange x ofc!Sorcerer as a secret girlfriend that the avengers find out about mid-mission/fight. Like strange is being soft and protective of her and they’re all like “wait he’s not all stoic and serious?” Then after the battle the pair is explaining that they’re together and everyone is shocked bc she’s adorable and sweet while he’s mr grumpy face

Okay so, it might suprise you but Stephen hated when he had to join the Avengers. He hated the team work and everyone doing their part wrong and havingcto correct them he just hated it. And it was of course mutual when Stephen first joined the Avengers everyone wanted to shoot themselves. He was mean, cocky and judgemental, complaining and correcting everything.

It was a living nightmare for everyone and at some point Stephen considered quitting this ridiculous team and then you.

You the sweetest thing he had ever seen.

Despite being forced to be paired with him, as no one else seemed to bear him, you were always trying to be as patient and polite with him. When no one seemed to want to talk to him you always sat next to him before and after the missions and even though sometimes he was mean to you you never seemed to hold a grudge. You learned him tips about missions and you where also a sorcerer which made him feel somewhat a little more comfortable, sharing spells and experiences.

Stephen even though wasnt planning on it (he actually tried to avoid it too) hd oepned up to you like an open book. Your heart warming smiles, your sweet words, how open you were about touching always kissing his cheek before missions and then hugging him he was under your spell.

Stephen's heart melted into seconds. So soon you started meeting after work. Staring off with a few snacks after an exhausting missions, taking care of each other's wounds ( it was mostly Stephen though), training together sharing spells and advices, borrowing each other's spell books. Then you realised that perhaps Stephen wasn't as much of an awful person as the other pictured him to be, he was funny and caring and even his arrogance was somehow cute.

You had become good friends.

And then you kissed him. You really didn't mean to you just got carried away while talking during the wall to the compound (he always made up excuses just to make sure you went back same, swearing he had forgotten a book at you place or that Tony would kill him if something happened to you). Of course you apologized immediately but before you could speak another word he had already cornered you to the nearest wall and kissed you.

So that's how you started dating, secretly. Sexual innuendos that had everyone confused, stolen kisses and constantly searching for the other during battles, secretly holding his hand and then sneaking around the compound late at night just to see him.

Everything was going perfect until you stupid you managed to have one of your spells backfired and got hit by it. Worried Stephen stoped whatever he was doing and ran to your side holding your body close to his.

He called your name a couple times, his hand on you cheek caressing it softly as he got no answer.

"Come on sweetheart"

"Stevie?" You mumbled slowly opening your eyes.

"I want you to know that you're really terrible at spells" He said half joking half angry.

"I know you're angry but woukd a kiss perhaps change your mind?" You sweetly said and Stephen tilted his head with a smile.

"You're very endearing when you're half-asleep almsot bearable"

"Half-consious", you corrected him "you should know that as a doctor. Kissie for the patient doctor?"

"What the fuck?" Suddenly Natasha said and both you and Stephen looked up only to find everyone else staring at you. "I'm sorry but what the fuck"

After that your relationship wasn't much of a secret and even though months had passed after tye incident everyone continued questioning whether the relationship was real. But nothing mattered when you had each other.

[homochadensistm]

Saw the bodypic on your sideblog and hot DAMN! Any workout+nutrition tips for us peasants to get like that?? I'm a hardgainer myself so I would appreciate the advice!

lmao shouldve sent the ask there then :(

important disclaimer: I look Like That largely thanks to good lighting and the fact that I had a mad pump. I dont look like that 24/7, nobody does. If you remove me from that specific spot under the gym lights and wait 10mins for my pump to disappear Id look entirely Normal.

As for hardgaining, youre not gonna like the answer but - just eat more. We like to think we eat a lot already (because it feels like that, because most of us have tiny stomachs) but if u actually took 1 week to record everything u eat, including its nutritional values (mainly macros - carbs, protein, fats, etc), youd see youre probably lacking and/or eating exactly at maintenance (i.e., maintaining your current weight, nothing less and nothing more). The best way I found for myself to eat more is to split my meals, so instead of eating 3 big meals a day, I eat 5-6 smaller ones, and I make sure each meal contains a decent amount of protein (at least 10g). And yeah I wasnt kidding - record what u eat for just 1 week, itll help u see where/what ur lacking.

As for protein - I dont use powders. I find their texture disgusting and most of them give me stomach issues. Personally I view health and fitness as something I should enjoy so Im not gonna do things that actively make me feel like Im suffering or forcing myself, hence, no powders. You dont even need powder to eat a lot of protein, too. Lots of idiots will tell you you need to eat 1gr of protein per 1lb of bodyweight to get larger, but thats protein powder marketing bs (unless ur like, an olympic athlete). Normal people need around 1.2-1.5g of protein per kg of bodyweight to grow muscle mass, according to almost all studies on the subject (again, unless ur an olympic athlete), so for me, weighing around 55kg, thatd be between 66-85g of protein per day. As I mentioned before, I structure my meals so that each contains at least 10g of protein, so right off the bat I start at 50-60g on avg. My lunch (meal 3 usually) is around 40g on its own (blessed Pork steak & greenbeans), so I easily get to 85g of protein a day, and maybe a lil more. Meat shouldnt be your only source of protein, theres a variety of foods to choose from and if u enjoy cooking then ur gonna have a great time! The price of not using any icky powders is learning how to cook lol. If you still want to use powders thats fine, theres nothing wrong with them, but just so u know that eating more protein wont necessarily help u grow, cause ur body has a natural cap on how much it needs/wants to use of the general amount u give it, the rest itll shit out. So, if eating more is difficult to u, I suggest avoiding the powders and just restructuring ur meals to fit you.

As for working out - if youre a woman focus more on volume (higher reps, lower weight), if youre a dude then the opposite. If youre doing more reps at a lower weight make sure that the weight is still somewhat challenging to you though. The distinction between male and female here is important because our bodies respond differently to training so if ur purpose is building the big mooskles and ur a girl - lighter weights will get u there faster. If you want to maximize strength gain as well - dedicate 1 day a week to heavy weights (so less reps but increasingly challenging weight). Im not gonna delve into the types of exercises or workouts u should do cause idk u or what ur experience is but theres enough content online abt that.

The most important thing about the eating and working out is the consistency. ur muscles grow because they respond to stimuli, they adapt to the pressure ur putting on them. theyre not gonna adapt if this stimulation is momentary. Try to work out 3-4 times a week, even just for 30mins each. Get in those reps per muscle group, train each group about twice a week and ur good. Youll see longterm results once eating+working out becomes a habit.

Last thing I wanna touch on is cardio. Theres this weird belief that, if u wanna gain muscle mass, you shouldnt work on cardio. Idk which lazy cunt invented that but its not true! Cardio is important for ur heart, health and ur ability to lift heavier loads! You dont have to run for cardio, theres many activities you can pick from: swimming, boxing, jump rope, dancing etc. Hell, even walking is really good cardio (and is actually better for you than running, longterm) and you can easily do that if you got 1hr to spare twice a week. Developing your cardio will not only make you feel better and healthier, its also detrimental to your strength gaining journey, to avoiding plateaus.

goodluck!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

[schizosupport]

Hi! I never send asks I'm sorry if this is weird or awkward? I'm just sitting in a mental health ward right now and trying to figure out whats going on.

So I've had mental health problems for a decade now but the past week is the first time my paranoia and things have ever gotten this bad, it felt like there were creatures? shadow people? in my apartment and i was only safe if i stayed totally still and silent cause then they couldnt hurt me, i kept seeing them out of the corner of my eyes, and it just wasnt safe to touch the floor or look in mirrors in the same way your brain wont let you touch a hot stove and no one seems to understand when i explain that its just not safe i cant do it and i cant explain. Is there a word for that? i dont understand any of this.

But it just kept getting worse and worse until my friend called the police on me and they took me to the hospital. ive calmed down now and realize it wasnt real but it FELT real and I feel like im going insane and don't know what to do, theyre saying its micropsychosis because of my bpd and because its supposedly bpd they dont know if they can help with meds but i dont feel like i can function like this, i know it gets bad again when im alone and i live alone and no one here seems to understand anything about psychosis at all, they keep giving me pamphlets on anxiety and breathing exercises (helpful but not what I need-what do i do when im seeing things? when something feels unsafe do i force myself to do it anyways as exposure therapy? or treat it like its real and try and calm down that way?) And basically i was wondering if you have any advice? or even reliable places to read more to learn about psychosis or micropsychosis or whatever this is? i just know its terrifying and im scared and dont feel like i can talk to anyone about it. Sorry this got so long!

Hi there!

It sounds like you had a really scary episode of paranoia, I'm sorry that happened to you! It's definitely recognizable to me as an experience, and I completely understand why you are scared of being that irrationally afraid again. It's very scary to lose control of your own mind in that way.

It always sucks when the MH professionals around you don't seem to quite understand your difficulty. While they may be right that this sounds like it could be an episode of "micro psychosis" that could be associated with bpd (or other disorders), that doesn't mean that it isn't a type of psychosis and that you can't benefit from resources geared more at that.

I would say about medication that the professionals may be reluctant around antipsychotic medication, because those are very side effect heavy medications, but if you continue to have experiences like this, it's not to say that it couldn't be worth it for you. Everyone responds very differently.

As for how to "deal with it" it's honestly very hard, especially in the beginning, and it's not something I can easily summarize in my current state and everyone is very different. But I think that trying to find things that make you feel more safe in the moment is important, even if it's "silly". Like for me, if I'm having a bad time when I'm going to sleep, I'll sleep with my lights on to avoid the worst of the paranoia. And I know some people have a teddy they consider protective, stuff like that. It might seem like "leaning into the crazy", but I don't personally think that it's harmful to use the "crazy" logic of these episodes to find a bit of comfort as well.

I hope that you can start to feel more safe.. and if this continues or gets worse I hope you can find some help from the professionals in your life.. otherwise I recommend looking for communities of others with similar experiences.

I hope this answer finds you well,

Glitch

[grimmixxart]

Okay so I have a question for you (as someone who is practicing to become a artist) how do you draw anatomy or any tips and also eyes and hair (if you would like only anatomy is really needed) when you get the time to answer this that is.

Oh gosh well for sure ya have heard this advice many times heh

Its all about pratice really! I wasnt good at drawing male anatomy, my bois looked like sticks pfft but then with pratice and trying out, without the little voice of perfection in ya mind because that wont help at all, I got better and better UwU

And also references! Refs and tutorials helps alot

Like a lot! And also the thing is that is not about copying exactly on the ref and tutorial! This is to guide you and you draw it on your own~ Because then ya will have ya own way to draw anything and artstyleee~ >w< And hair and eyes is the same! Even inspired from cartoons or animes or games helps. Its all about praticing, experimenting and ofc having fun doing it so~ Because if ya trying one way and it doesnt feel right for you then stop and try another way, ya will find the one right for ya and with time ya will improve more and more.

Hope that helps! I'm sorta a self taught artist, at the begining I didnt exactly used refs or had someone to teach me .w. I would just go with the flow and tada pfft.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Pssst saw your tags on the perfectionism thing,

Cheering You On For Real,

Getting meds can be difficult or scary or both, but no joke, when you find ones that help its so fucking nice

This is Unsoliciated Advice (which I deeply hate both giving and recieving) but this for real helped me and I personally experience Hella Bad Apathy when depressed, which makes doing anything so hard, so Your Mileage May Vary and I am sharing this cause it helped me with my personal hell of amotivation

1) if you are debating needing meds, they are 100% worth a shot. Trying a comparitativly "easy to get" SSRI or SNRI you can get from your regular doc will let you just see if you feel better, most meds start at a SUPER low dose and might genuinely help you at least partially get going toward Drugs That Help More but have a higher harder barrier

2) again, super sorry about the unsolicated advice, but if you want like, info on the drugs I take, my DMs are open. 100% completely sincere here, I'm offering cause getting meds seriously helped me out, and cause it fully took me 5 years to ask despite personally knowing people who took heavy duty SSRIs cause I felt like I wasnt "bad enough" you know? And if I can pitch in and offer even a bit of info that helps somebody find relief, then I'd like to reach out and do so

3) I know, that was A Lot, so please have a picture of Macaroni and regardless, I genuinely hope you have a great day

It took me a bit to answer this. sorry. Thanks for the cat picture.

While I do appreciate it, I don't like unsolicited advice about meds and stuff.

And I've been receiving LOTS of unsolicited advice lately. (as well as unsolicited requests) Which honestly bums me out, even if they come from good intentions.

Especially since it tends to scare me off. It's just how my brain works.

I did attempt anti-depressants once, and it had ugh... kinda a not great effect on me?

Sure, I was productive.... but I could NOT. Under any circumstances relax. trying to relax or do nothing would stress me out to the point of self-harming.

It was almost as if I didn't know who I was as a person when I wasn't doing something. Because when I could just sit there, I would be in a hyperactive state, and not be able to relax and dissociate from myself.

I wish I could remember the name of the drug I took, or maybe I'll contact my old therapist to make sure I don't have that one again.

I know my battle with depression isn't any one's business and I talk to my therapist constantly about getting meds or not.

But it's just from my first experience with meds that made me scared. So I'm just kind of going at my own pace with this kind of thing.

Like either I'll take meds or I won't. But I really think that's something to talk about between me and my therapist.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hello. im not sure what im looking for, i would say advice but for what exactly, i don't know. i guess just a place to vent.

trigger warning for suicidality, existentialism (? dread), derealization

im not sure where to start. ive felt alone for a long time, have been for what feels even longer. even when i had people around me and with me, ive always felt alone. ever since i can remember ive felt like i wasnt meant to be here. more recently ive been wishing i was somewhere else, not dead but somewhere easier. i wish i was never born and that my soul stayed in the stars.

i feel like alone doesn't begin to describe what im feeling. doesn't even come close. i feel like im finally letting go of my longing even just a little. im beginning to find comfort in being all alone in the world. im accepting that ive never been important, because nothing is. no one is. nothing even makes sense and it never has to me. ive never understood god or why im here. why i can think and feel. i don't even really believe anything is real, because how could it be when in millions of years from now, we wont exist anymore? when all everythings ever been is lost to space? when we dont even come close to mattering in the universe? so i don't think its real. there are no answers to the universe to be found. i just hope that when i die i can be up there in the nothingness.

Hi anon,

It makes sense after these experiences to want to embrace the loneliness, but while it's important to be independent and self-reliant, its also important to consider the unity, solidarity, and belonging that can come with having someone beside you. Humans are social creatures, and in a lot of ways it's necessary to survival.

It can be easy to slip into nihilistic thought patterns when you feel so isolated and alone. There are also a lot of bigger existential questions that are either impossible for us to answer or comprehend as human beings, and it can be hard to make peace with that.

As someone who experiences existential dread, please know that you're not alone in having these thoughts about the bigger picture. If it might help to mention, I try to reframe "everything is fleeting" as "meaning is made in moments that only happen once." Instead of worrying about things like the end of the universe, you can use that to develop a renewed perspective on how precious the present is.

Anthony Hopkins once said, "None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an afterthought. Eat the delicious food, walk in the sunshine, jump in the ocean, say the truth that you're carrying in your heart like hidden treasure, be silly, be kind, be weird, there's no time for anything else."

It's worth keeping an eye on any suicidal thoughts, and reach out to crisis resources if you need it. If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist could help you navigate these existential and suicidal thoughts, and process the feelings surrounding them. Please know that, while we are not a substitute, we are here for you in the meantime.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[lovelymessybubbly]

Have you ever felt embarassed about creating tk content? As a writer and artist, I'd love to indulge myself in creating some tk content and sharing it with those who have the same love for it, but the thought alone makes me realky embarassed, even if I were to create an anon-ish account.

hello ! thank you for being courageous enough to share a question that may be personal for you ♡( ◡‿◡ )

i have been involved in different tickling-related spaces and sharing tickling content for a very long time (almost 10 years) so i have had a lot of time to warm up to it and become more comfortable in the space and with my own desires. but, i can tell you i was definitely apprehensive when i first began! making that first tickling scene sketch was so nerve-wracking for me. sometimes i would feel too embarrassed with myself to continue. but after enough sketches and doodles, i was able to relax a little more, and delve into more and more ideas. now drawing tickling scenes is basically a breeze! i do get particular about poses and expressions now and then, but no where near as bad as how i used to be.

i can probably give you three pieces of advice. 1) start small. doodle/write what your comfortable with, and just stick to doodles/drafts for now. don’t put too much though into it. just create content for yourself ONLY and focus on expressing your fantasies and ideas instead of pleasing others. for years i only drew female lees, because i just got too worked up thinking of male lees. it wasnt until i started hs i began drawing boys. and even then it was a slow process, i was VERRYY particular about what i drew, and really nitpicky with each scene.

2) spend a bit of time browsing and interacting with the community. intake lots of content, have discussions with people, just explore the world of tickling and get to know what you like and what you are comfortable with ! and this way you can just lurk for a while, and not worry about eyes on you.

3) create content for yourself !!! this is very very important! if you have been daydreaming a specific character or scenario, draw or write it out! even if its just a messy scribble or a jumbled rough draft. put your favorite tickling thoughts into action and you will have fun. and thats the whole point! you should feel happy and passionate about your tickling content! you are using your gifts to express your love for something joyful! and there are so many people who share the same love as you, and so many people excited to celebrate this love with you.

i completely understand this embarrassment. i think this is something that everyone in this community experiences one way or another. i personally really struggle with sharing my love for tickling with non-members. it has me almost paranoid sometimes, worrying someone will find out. but this is a safe place for you, and we (or at least i) do my best to keep it a community free of judgement and negativity.

if you have a love for tickling, embrace it. as you can see, there is a place for you filled with likeminded individuals, so there is no reason to be apprehensive! we are all so excited to welcome you in and enjoy your content that you may create!

if you ever want to share some works please dm me! i would love to appreciate your creativity at work ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

[bytchysylvy-art]

REDRAW of like the one thing I have of sf to redraw rip

name a more iconic downgrade

early sf v.3 art so ungodly ugly, i love her for it

detumblrified lines, deartschoolified rendering, no details, no ambient lighting, no texture. if you look close enough you can see the eight hour video essay sitting beneath my surface about the scam of conventional art wisdom

restored eye shine because thats how hard the anime got beat out of my art. i want to talk to everyone involved is that process. turn on your locations. just want to talk.

i only know how to backlight these days. what are you gonna do about it. call the lighting cops? bitch. I wrote the laws of lighting. i was the one who created light. you could not find a more smug mf on the topic.

no more fucking fingernails when we dont need them. stop telling people to add fingernails, you dont always need them. give me sausages or give me death

increasing adorable by 50%. im now five years casarin’s senior, these are all babies to me now.

nah come back here. removing of eye highlights because it makes your art look too anime? a shine on the wettest exterior part of the body because its too weeby? that was an actual thing I was told multiple times. that was genuine advice from people “just giving constructive criticism :)”. Get fucking back here I aint finished, I just want to talk.

wet paper bag pathetic man slutification complete.

i said "this wasnt that long ago" then I opened the file and saw oasis still had long hair and oowwowowowwowooo (this was like early 2018 i think) I cant even be edgy about that, that was such an upgrade. everybody liked that

why would i change how i do backgrounds

fun fact technically i used the same brush for both lines

i strongly feel like i’ve finally come to the final evolution in my feralization as an artist. I cannot downgrade further I dont think. thank fucking god I cant believe it took this many years. this one feels like slamming a foot flat against a trash can throttling it against the backalley wall, you will never experience love like the love i have for myself and my ocs.

[albertserra]

I wanted to ask you this for a while but if it's too personal please delete this! Was it hard for you to make a dating profile app? I'm very private about my life in general and I don't post pictures of myself online (and you seem to be somewhat similar to me in that regard), but you took the leap anyway and I would love to hear your thoughts on this if you feel like sharing it! I hope you'll have a great rest of your week! :)

i expected it to be a hurdle for myself for the same reasons but it honestly just kinda... wasnt? i threw together my profiles (3 diff apps. i liked hinge and bumble you can skip tinder if ur in the us tho its kinda a lost cause in my experience) in like less than half an hour probably? and most of that was just looking for good pics of myself bc i dont take pics of myself often so it was digging my phone for pics people had taken of me and sent to me (i didnt even bother asking for pics or taking new ones i really just said fuck it and dealt with what i had on my phone). i dont really have concrete tips bc i usually overthink everything but for some reason i didnt for this... sorry my brain and how it operates is a mystery even to me

also like yes im private-ish about my personal life/biographical details/my face on here but dating apps are like. real life. also it probably helps to know that everyone you see will be in the same boat in terms of sharing abt themselves. age/job type (i didnt put company)/religion/political stance etc stuff like that are all like basic things id want to know abt someone i might date so i didnt mind putting mine. if you want to seriously be in a relationship you'll need to open up eventually anyways. and w pics its like. these are people in your general location you mightve crossed on the street anyways and theyll be seeing so many ppl swiping on these apps its kind of a similar scenario

oh and edit: if your concern abt opening up is that you arent very 'out' and you might be discovered if someone finds you on one of these apps well. i dont have any advice but that is a real concern that id respect idk how to help you there

[toadkisses]

alistairs years in review

alistair has decided to publicly journal a summary of whats been going on the past two/three years or so. nobody is expected or obligated to read it, im just nostalgic for when i used to update my blog very frequently w/ life events :-)

this does contain descriptions of animal neglect btw though!

early 2020 i went to dog grooming school, i really loved my mentor. it was the first time since i was a kid that i looked forward to school! it was especially nice for a while because i was the only student for a bit. part of my education was handling phone calls and talking to clients, and i told my mentor how people have been trying to get me to be comfortable on the phone for years and no one has yet. but wouldnt you know! i really did get there!

i like working with the dogs, and i find caring for them to be really enriching. im also pretty good at it! i like grooming poodles the most, their hair texture is really great to work with.

a few months in though, we went into lockdown and i didnt get back to school for a while. eventually i did return, and there were other students, so it was cool that i got to have one-on-one education and companionship too?

before i graduated i had a job offer, a salon reached out to my mentor looking for new graduates. when i graduated my mentor hugged me because im one of her favorites :-)

the new salon was an interesting experience. there were three other groomers, a bather, and a receptionist. they were all very welcoming and involved me in conversation, gave me advice. i liked them and felt comfortable, the position also had some pretty nice benefits. however, after a few weeks i noticed they had a very different opinion on how to correct dog behaviors.

physically disciplining dogs is a divisive issue in the animal care community. i’ve always been against it, and my mentor was as well. however, it is commonplace in some practices to hit a dog if it is being aggressive or reactive. i very strongly disagree with it, but i wanted to give context that it is considered acceptable by many people who work with dogs.

my coworkers weren’t as extreme as some people i’ve heard about, but my supervisor still whacked a dogs muzzle with a metal comb when it whined and pulled away while she was brushing its tangles out. spankings were not uncommon.

they also made “jokes” and comments about gay and trans people that made me VERY uncomfortable. i wasnt out to any of them, so my supervisor felt comfortable commenting about how many gay people they had apply to the position and how it was so weird. when a coworker talked about a same gender client tipping her well and complimenting her appearance, and joked that it was because the client had a crush on her, the receptionist yelled, “FAGGOT!!!!” to much laughter.

i wound up talking to the owner (who was not a groomer or regularly in the shop) and resigned. i was there for maybe two months? i wish it had worked out, and the owner took me seriously and wanted me to stay while he instituted new policies, but i think it would have been very obvious who the whistleblower was since i was the only new person in the salon, haha. my mentor was really supportive and encouraged me to find a job elsewhere, and helped me look at options. she’s great!

after about a month, i applied to a salon near my home. a week later, i got a call from the doggy daycare i worked at for multiple years previously, and they wanted me to come over and groom for them. i found out later that they were in the process of buying the salon i applied to, which is how they knew i was looking for a job.

the center is connected to a vet office, and they told me they were in the process of opening a grooming branch for dogs being boarded. there was only one other groomer at the moment, and i’d be assisting her until the client base grew enough for both of us to be actively grooming. i was happy enough with this when it was presented.

i was happy to be back in the daycare environment, since it was familiar to me and i knew most of the staff pretty well. i was working with a groomer with about ten years experience, who was about 50, and we got along well.

issues became apparent fairly quickly, though. the room we were grooming in was in a windowless basement, so it got up to 80 degrees fahrenheit and 80% humidity at some times. the lighting was pretty poor. there was black mold under the sink, which i had actually found a year earlier while working there, and it hadnt been addressed since.

sometimes when grooming, one will have to stop the groom or do a less polished job than one would like if the dog is being aggressive or is clearly overstressed. other times, a dog will have health conditions that make it impossible to groom in a normal salon environment. when this happens, the usual course of action is to recommend that the dog be taken to a veterinary groomer, so they can be given medical support during the groom, by people who are trained to handle behavioral or health issues.

neither i nor my coworker were aware when we took the job that we would be getting veterinary groom clients.

you see neglect cases every so often when you are a groomer, and its never pleasant. matted fur makes every step a dog takes painful. it constricts bloodflow to the skin, so when you shave the dog, the blood rushes through previously bound vessels, and they can bleed through their skin. even if they dont, it still feels painful, but the mats have to come off, or theyll just get worse. mats can hide fungal or bacterial infections, or wounds, or bugs, or waste material. and, since its painful, and the dogs arent used to being groomed and dont understand, theyre often combative. im obviously very sympathetic, and would never blame a dog for acting aggressively under these circumstances. but i still have to avoid getting bit!

before working at the vets, i would usually see neglect cases about once a month. and i would be patient, and help the dog feel better, and was usually able to walk away feeling more good that i had helped it, than sad that it was necessary for me to.

at the vets, we were seeing neglect cases almost every day. we were left alone in a room with a dog that one of the vets was scared to get close to, and expected to shave his entire body. the dogs didnt get any sort of sedative or calming agent, because the vet office hadnt established any such protocol yet. and even though he had scars on his neck from a shock collar, by bringing a dog to the groomers, in the eyes of the law, the owner isnt neglecting it.

every day had the two of us in a hot, poorly lit room, me trying to hold a thrashing, panicked dog still enough for my coworker to groom it. even the normal clients we got still had to be done in a difficult environment.

the emotional toll was intense, and i gave them my two weeks notice after a few months. the owner of the clinic has known me since i was a teen, and tried very hard to keep me. and again, i wish it could have worked out. but the physical environment wasnt suited to grooming, and i was not up for burning myself out on grooming when i had graduated six months prior.

i still live at home, and since i had been suicidal, my family was understanding with me taking a break from work, and i was lucky enough to be able to.

im going to cut this here, but im planning on writing more about my dreadful medical experiences and how my darling perfect girlfriend and i got together later :-)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi sex witch, so I've been dating this guy and we're potentially gonna have sex for the first time on friday. we've fooled around before but havent done anything I would define as sex yet. I've only been in one sexual relationship previous and it wasnt great. we had sex a lot in the beginning but in retrospect we moved way too fast into territory I wasn't comfortable with but didnt know how to articulate (we were 17) and for the last two years of our relationship I was basically totally uninterested in sex. it's been three and a half years since then and I haven't had sex since (I still masturbate, just nothing partnered). my partner is wonderful and understanding and he's completely respected my boundaries and hasnt tried to pressure me into anything the whole time we've been together. I'm 24 now and I've been able to talk to him about what I'm worried about this time. like, extensively. he wants to wait until I'm ready, but has made it clear he wants it too. but my question is - how do I know if I'm ready?? I really want to have sex with him, but I wanted to in my last relationship initially too. I dont want the same thing to happen in this relationship where I outpace myself and then it backfires when I realize I went too fast, and then I psych myself out about it for a very long time. we've only been together for two months and I started out imagining it would take me much longer to be comfortable enough and ready enough to try sex again. I think i might be ready now, but I have no clue how to tell if I'm actually ready or if I'm just lying to myself because I want to be ready. any advice? thanks in advance :^)

hi anon,

so here's a thing about big decisions: you may never know if you're all the way ready unless you take the plunge and find out. all big decisions - quitting a job, making a cross-country move, emotionally investing in a new relationship - can have big, unforeseen consequences that we sometimes need to embrace without being able to actually know if we're completely, all the way ready for them. in many cases, it's impossible to know for sure.

here's a better question to ask: are you embarking on this decision with someone who you trust to support you if it doesn't go according to plan?

from the very little I know of your intended sexual partner, he sounds like a lovely person - patient, aware of your needs, more than happy to meet you where you're at. how wonderful! you say you've already told him extensively about your previous relationship and how it hurt you, so now it's time to start talking about the present and how to avoid that happening again.

discuss what kinds of check-ins the two of you can practice during intimacy to make sure you're feeling comfortable and safe, and how you'll set the speed of progress to keep it from becoming overwhelming. most importantly, discuss what you'll do if you do start feeling like you'd like to tap out. plan for safewords, taking breaks, what kind of support you'll need if you need to take a time out - would you prefer to be held, or not touched at all? and most importantly, set up a backup plan in case sex ends up being an absolute non-starter. it might not feel great to have to pull the plug, but a nice backup plan of watching a movie and ordering takeout means you'll still get to spend nice quality time together instead of sitting around in uncomfortable silence.

I'm going to leave you with this: it's been seven whole years, and you're a very different person now than you were when you were 17. you're older, wiser, more mature, and it sounds like you're much more aware of your needs and the importance of seeing them respected. I believe very much that you are capable of deciding which calculated risks you want to take, and building yourself the safety net you need to survive the experience in one piece. you got this, anon.

xoxo,

ur sex witch

[toranekooo]

gonna be vv dramatic for five seconds and tell yall the real reason i was so eager to make the resource post

its because. when i started up i literally knew no one in the community on a personal level and i spent so much of my time watching them from afar. so a lot of my first few...days? weeks? were spent trying to figure out a brand (?) of sorts for myself, i stated this in the post but yeah, from personal experience, the start up can and will be slow. it was a little horrific and i wanted to interact with more people, but it was so so scary because i entered during a big discourse phase (funny thing, i've gone through four discourse phases now and only involved myself mildly in one) and. during that time a lot of editors were apprehensive of each other which was, of course, scary. i won't say what phase it was but yeah. anyway, time passed and this and that occurred, one of the editors that inspired me to start my blog deactivated bc of the discourse and yk, sad cat noises ig. anyway that was a time. im still shocked i actually stuck through but yeah, reqs were slow and my editing style was bad (in my eyes, at least) so i kept going and making edits for literally everything i could think of. and then in the next, whaddaya know, my small list of edit software grew and grew bc i attempted to gather all of it in a way that would least inconvenience anyone, i. wanted to collect it bc i was so absolutely terrified of talking to other people and asking for help or thoughts bc i imagined i'd look creepy and. next thing i knew i had people asking me for advice. ME. i collected all that stuff bc i was so fucking terrified of being a nuisance to anyone and everyone i have ever talked to in my life. but yeah not knowing how to get one thing causes so much trouble bc there were times i made transparents by hand instead of using remove.bg, there were times i hunted down high quality images bc i knew nothing of where to get them. and yeah it was hell walking and so so exhausting. there was also the absolute hell that was trying to find my own style so yk. it was a lot. but as always, the days went by and everything got better for the most part.

anyway, i penned this because i wanted you all to understand that the reasons i made that thing. bc i know it's hard to ask for help, i know it's hard to find what you need, and although i can't guarantee i'll always be here, as long as that post circulates, i know at least that it'll be helpful to people even for times when i'll say goodbye to this blog too.

the editing community isn't perfect. neither are its editors. and if you think it was easy for me to make and gather all that shit, i kid you not, it was like trying to gather every word with the letter E on the english alphabet. and i didn't fix everything about the post and myself overnight. it was hard, trying to part with the idea that my editing was "bad" because it wasnt this or that. it was hard trying to understand aesthetics and being constantly afraid someone will point out you got it wrong. it is hard, in ways you can't even imagine, contemplating whether or not to post the edit or let self-hate eat me up for every little thing about it. and if you see me now, you'd know i'm still like that a lot. but i love my edits. and i love this community. anyway.

the whole post is dedicated to every single one of you editors who are so incredibly awesome for persevering despite burn out, irl issues, and literally every fucking thing in the world. everything about editing is never as easy as it seems, and if i managed to help you in even the smallest ways, im happy with that.