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ssamie · 3 years

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one. new beginnings

oikawa tooru x fem langa!reader

(hq x sk8 the infinity)

warnings: spelling mistakes, 2k+ words, u have langa’s blue hair sorry

gen masterlist. “snow” masterlist.

"eh?! what do you mean you're moving?!" reki shrieked out in surprise, accidentally tripping over his feet and landing on the ground

the distant sounds of cars honking and the few civilians chattering filled the air. it was almost dark and they had just gotten off work and were on their way home.

y/n sighed and picked up his skateboard, nodding her head lightly with a frown. "yeah.. my mom said we have to move soon" she said. "but.. why?" reki frowned as he stood up to meet eyes with her.

"well, my mom got a better paying job there so she said we should just move, i guess" she replied, her tone laced with guilt. "oh.." reki muttered. he kicked his feet on the ground, looking down as y/n peers at him with a guilty frown.

"im sorry reki" she whispered with a soft whimper "i guess i should've told you a lot sooner.." she said

reki looked up at her and shook his head. "no, no! it's fine, don't worry.." he reassured with a shaky smile "um..where exactly will you be moving to?" reki asked her

"miyagi" she answered quietly, sheepishly kicking her feet back and forth, causing the rumbling sound of the wheels hitting the pavement to fill the tense air.

"wow uh.." reki chuckled in surprise "that's really far.." he muttered. he then cleared his throat and shot her a shaky grin "well, atleast it snows over there!" he exclaimed. "maybe you can try snowboarding again" reki said, though it didn't seem to fill her with much comfort

"i heard there's a good amount of snow when you're deep in the mountains! you can even-"

"reki.." she cut him off with a soft whimper of his name

reki stopped and looked at her with a sad sigh. he pursed his lips and finally dropped the enthusiastic façade. "i don't wanna leave okinawa" she admitted with a pained sigh. "i don't wanna leave you"

".. a-and the others too ofcourse" she continued with a nervous chuckle "not just you.."

"i don't want you to leave too" reki chuckled as he wiped the tears brimming his eyes

he lightly punched her shoulder and took his board from her hands. "agh! you're gonna make me cry, you know!" he exclaimed. y/n smiled and let out a soft laugh "sorry, sorry" she said

reki pouted and hesitantly brought her into his arms, nibbling on his bottom lip and letting out a sigh as he squeezed her tight. "i'll really miss you, y/n" reki said.

she blinked repeatedly in shock and flusteredly wrapped her arms around him as well. "um-i-i'll miss you too reki.." she stammered out as she tried to fight off the heat that was rushing to her cheeks

suddenly, reki pulled away, much to her distaste, and fixed his stance. "let's skate together before you leave, yeah?" reki mused "just for tonight.. then we'll continue when you get back" reki smiled

"yeah. let's skate" she replied with a fond smile

the pair skated home, taking their usual route and doing some tricks here and there. though their usual chatter and banter was not present, and all there was, was silence that seemed to weight down on both of their chests with varying emotions.

they stopped at the block separating their houses, right under the street light where they always meet up with each other.

reki looked back at her and smiled. "well, this is where we part" he chuckled ."yeah.. i guess so.." y/n muttered back with a frown

reki sighed and nudged her with his elbow. "cmon, don't be like that" he said "its not like we'll never see each other again!" reki exclaimed with a laugh, though even he wasnt able to convince or reassure himself.

"you're just moving, no big deal! we have one more day to spend together and our friends and visit S" reki explained in a comforting tone

y/n sighed in distress and crouched down on the ground. she kept her board in place with her feet and stared at it with furrowed brows. "i guess you're right" she said. "but i really don't want to leave. im completely fine here in okinawa with you and the others."

"i wanna keep skating with you and go to hotsprings together and eat bentos and keep working at dope sketch!" she exclaimed with a look of affliction

reki frowned and sat down beside her, resting his chin on his hands and nodding along. "yeah, i wanna keep doing that too" he said "but we can't really do anything about it anymore"

"unless you wanna try begging your mom or something" reki joked with a laugh as he nudged her with his shoulder. "but it's not like that would work-... y/n?" reki sweat dropped as he looked at her only to be met with a look of determination and sparkling eyes.

"you're so smart, reki!" she praised "that's a great idea, we should do that! you're so amazing"

reki chuckled and cheekily grinned at her "ah shucks, you flatter me too much!" he giggled

"but were not gonna actually do that, right?" reki asked with a soft chuckle

".. right?"

"WE BEG YOU!" they simultaneously exclaimed as they got down on their hands and knees to bow

"w-what?! kids, what are you doing??" nanako exclaimed with a nervous smile as she tried to get them to stand up

"PLEASE! DON'T TAKE Y/N AWAY!" reki cried out as he wrapped his arms around her in a bone crushing hold. "please!" y/n followed up with a determined look in her eyes as she stares at her mother expectantly

y/n loosely wrapped her arms around reki's waist and pouted "please, mom?" she pleaded as she accentuated her 'puppy eyes'. "please, hasegawa-san?" reki pleaded as well as he gave her his 'puppy eyes' for the extra cute effect

nanako seemed conflicted as she stares at their cutesy expressions with a look of dread. "what do i do?! they're too.. too cute!!" she cried to herself "help me, oliver !!!"

she then composed herself and cleared her throat. "well, im really sorry kids" she said "but my desicion is final." she stated with a determined huff "im doing this so we can earn more-"

she cut herself off as she caught sight of the two teens sulking and holding ecah other while a dark gloomily aura loomed over them. "ah well- i-" nanako stammered as she shakily reached her hand out to them with a guilty smile

she then sighed and let her arms hang by her sides. "im sorry, y/n, reki. but we need to move so i can earn more money and y/n won't have to work for me anymore" she explained "plus, i've already purchased the house so there's really no going back now"

"but im okay with working at dope sketch.." y/n muttered with a frown

"i know, but.." nanako smiled nervously "look at it this way! you'll go to a new school and make some friends! we can even try snowboarding during winter, won't you love that?"

y/n briefly glanced at reki and sighed. "sure.." she mumbled

nanako smiled and gently patted them both on the head. "you should hang out with your friends before we leave" she said "you'll regret wasting your time here, yknow?" nanako mused

reki and y/n nodded and went to put on their shoes. they grabbed their boards, and hastily skated to joe's restaurant

"ah jeez.." nanako muttered to herself as she watched them skate away. "teenagers are so hard to handle!!"

"help me oliver!!!"

"guys, we have something to say!" reki exclaimed as he abruptly slammed his hand down on the table, effectively gaining all of their attention.

"y/n is-"

"what is it you slime?" miya sneered as he continued sipping on his drink

"your girlfriend?" they all simultaneously said with a bored tone as they continued on eating their meals

"..." reki and y/n blinked and looked at each other in confusion. "what?" reki asked cluelessly "no that's not-"

"well its kinda obvious" shadow said with a chuckle "yeah, we kind of saw it coming" miya agreed

"what? no seriously, that's not what-" reki was once again cut off by joe who playfully punched him in the shoulder and grinned. "damn, didn't know you had it in you to ask her out" joe laughed "and i didn't think y/n would ever confe-"

"I'M MOVING TO MIYAGI!" she immediately cut him off, mainly to prevent joe's big mouth from spilling anything, and just to get it out of the way.

"WHAT?!" they all collectively exclaimed

"are you serious? that's pretty far away" shadow said with furrowed brows "yeah... what about S?" miya asked with a small frown

"i'll have to quit" y/n says as she steals a fry from cherry's plate "i'll go one last time later."

"miyagi.." cherry mumbled as he swats her hand away from his food. "where in miyagi will you be staying?" he asked. "i don't know" she answered with a shrug. "but im going to a school named aoba johsai i think."

"carla, tell me about that school." almost immediately, carla had responded. "okay master" it said.

"aoba johsai, also known as seijoh, is a private school located at miyagi prefecture. they are mostly known for their performance in volleyball, having competed in numerous tournaments and had made a name for themselves through the sport and successfully deemed themselves as a powerhouse school. "

"volleyball?" y/n hummed in curiosity "how do you play that?" she asked cherry. "i wouldn't know." he replied "though it's a sport where you play with a team. why? would you like to join?" he asked

"probably not" y/n shrugged

"oi, rookie! are you really moving?" joe asked with a small frown "S would get boring without you, yknow?"

"i am" she replied "and i think S would be fine with you guys and reki in it"

reki looked at her and smiled. the redhead slung his arm around her shoulders and picked up his board "how bout we have a beef one last time before you go?" reki suggested "we could all go against each other. just for the fun of it."

"sure, but you'll lose, just so you know" joe boasted as he flexed his biceps. "hah?! just cus you're bigger and more muscular doesn't mean you'll win!" reki whined

"yeah!" y/n agreed with a huff "reki has gotten better and much faster! and he knows more tricks now. he even did a snowboarding trick and-"

miya quickly cut her off before she could go on a full rant about the redhead. "let's just go" miya groaned out as he grabbed his board. "man, are you sure you're not together" shadow sweat dropped as he followed miya and dragged them both out of the restaurant

"we're not!" reki exclaimed with a laugh "why would you even think that would happen? we're just best friends"

"right.. best friends" y/n agreed

shadow sweat dropped as he turned to look at her, only to be met with her teary eyes and her quivering smile, looking like she’s on the verge of crying her eyes out like a child.

"are you okay?" shadow muttered sheepishly as he watched her hastily wipe her eyes and pout like a child "yes" she replied with a huff

"oh, is that so?" miya cooed with a cat-like grin as he stalked closer to her side "i mean it makes sense" he said "the heroine shouldn't be with a slime, after all"

shadow deadpanned as he watched miya slyly lock their arms together with a grin "so who should she be with? you?" he scoffed "ofcourse!" miya wholeheartedly agreed. "im the hero so the heroine should be with me!"

shadow sweat dropped as he watched miya hug her arm and look at them with a smug cat-like smirk. "dude, aren't you like thirteen?" shadow deadpanned

y/n smiled and patted his head with a soft laugh "yup, you're right" she agreed jokingly, her smile widening as miya's face exploded into bright shades of red. "i-it doesn't mean i like you though!" he shrieked out "im just saying that we would be compatible!!"

"i see." she muttered "japanese people are so hard to decipher"

cherry and joe came out of the restaurant and got on their boards, urging them to do the same. "cmon, let's go there before too many people arrive" joe said as he stretched his arms

"last one to arrive buys everyone boba!!" reki announced as he skated away, pulling y/n along as he does so

"ha?! oi! unfair you should've counted!!" shadow exclaimed before hastily catching up to them "hmp, as if i'll lose to any of you slimes." miya muttered as he sped up

"oh please. you all make me pay anyways." cherry mumbled with a sigh as he got on carla and calmly caught up to them

"well you got the most cash" joe shrugged with a grin

"shut up you gorilla."

"i'll really miss their banters." y/n mumbled as she looked back to watch joe and cherry hit each other with their board. "hey, it's not like we can't visit you" reki laughed

"would you visit me reki?" she asked with a hopeful gleam in her eyes. "it would be strange not being with you.."

"of course! i'll visit you like every week!" reki reassured with a wide grin

"heh, as if you got the cash for that" shadow sneered from beside him.

"i-im gonna save up, then i'll visit you every week!" reki cleared his throat with a nervous laugh

her smile widened as she stared at reki in admiration and pure glee.

"okay, im counting on it!"

im making miya have a cute little puppy crush on u cus why not lol, yall won't end up together tho that's weird 🤨‼️

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celosiaa · 4 years

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i wasnt gonna add onto the rereading questions because i feel like my feelings about it were summarized in that one reblog but having people repeat things is so frustrating. i always feel at least slightly embarrassed when people have to repeat things for me because my brain Was Not There. i have some people i feel most comfortable doing it with though. my mom is diagnosed with adhd and we both do it so she’s really understanding and for the most part were both really patient with eachother when it happens (sometimes ofc we get mad, mainly me, but theres usually an apology for it, even then theres the understanding that sometimes were in a bad mood and are still sorry even without saying it) one of the other people is my absolute best friend in the whole world (ive known her since i was two-) and she doesnt have adhd or really even show symptoms but im really comfortable and transparent about my struggles with her and when she has to repeat something we mostly end up laughing about it and she just makes me feel really safe about being open, the third person is my other best friend who also thinks they have adhd (we had a convo about it and our sensory triggers just friday) and like i dont usually have to do it with her because of adhd related problems but when i do she’s usually pretty understanding. most times when its not those people i hate having to ask people to repeat stuff more than once, maybe twice with a few of my other friends. and having to explain the reason why they need to state whatever again is because my brain wasnt in it is also really upsetting. i feel like most people will say “oh yea i get that too sometimes” (even if they dont say that) and its just frustrating to hear because while i know it happens to everyone, its not the same. you dont miss usually really important and vital stuff in class almost every day because of it or miss what your parents are saying 79% of the time, or miss out on stuff you have to pay attention to in various shows, movies, podcast that you really like and want to cry the fifth time you have to rewind it, OR better yet you watch it with someone and miss it and debate whether you ask what just happened and risk them getting mad at you or just not knowing what happened and stay confused... if any of that made sense :)

This is all so tough my friend!! It is hard not to feel guilt over things that you can’t control! I’m really glad you have people in your life who do understand, or at least try to--though of course, no one will respond perfectly every time. But I am glad that you have some folks who will do their best and are genuinely good-intentioned.

But yeah--it’s really frustrating when people try to...I don’t really want to say “empathize,” because it’s misguided empathy. True empathy means to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, with the acknowledgement that you are not actually in them. Without that last bit, you end up belittling other people’s experiences, sometimes even to the point of making them doubt their own feelings/experiences. Which is terrible and the opposite of what the goal of empathy should be.

I’m here for you, friend. You’re wonderful and fantastic and I see your struggle!! Sending you tons of love <3

#asks #long post

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sunflowerrichie · 6 years

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my boy

chapter 1: eighth grade

“who’s richie?”

“he’s my boyfriend,” she began, her eyes glazed over and a pleased smile on her face. puppy love; something eddie would never get the chance in having with richie.

summary: ever since they met in eighth grade, richie had been disappearing for weeks (even months) at a time, leaving eddie to think they’re on bad terms; though, that’s not really why richie disappears.

warning(s): language.

author: richie (sunflowerrichie)

note: this book is based off real life events, so if the details are too exact, that’s why. i don’t know how many chapters there will be at the moment due to events after the 7th chapter not happening yet, but i will let you guys know when i’m going to post the next chapter.

word count: 2,076

ao3: x

tagging: @addimagination

“who’s richie?” eddie had asked myra, his doe eyes wide and questioning; he briefly thanked whatever god was out there that the girl could not see him, for she’d read right through him. if eddie could go back in time from where he was now, he would’ve never asked that simple question containing only two words, though he already knew this was another one of her unsuccessful boyfriends. there was a comic book in his hand, one he disregarded the second someone new was mentioned.

myra fixed her hair from where she was lying on the couch, responding quickly. “he’s my boyfriend,” she began, her eyes glazed over and a pleased smile on her face. puppy love; something eddie would never get the chance in having with richie. “he’s tall and lanky... got dark, black hair; i’m surprised you haven't seen him around, eddie.”

myra had met eddie in sixth grade, easily becoming friends with the hypochondriac. the smaller boy made a habit of wiping her desk down with cleansing wipes before she sat in it, and in return, she gave eddie platonic love. his mom loved her; for she was just as neat as her sweet eddie-bear and she vowed to make sure he’s taking his medication on time. she was much like sonia, actually; except for being a believer in ‘love at first sight’.

this wasn’t the first time she’s been head over heels for someone, nor would it be the last, but eddie was used to it at this point. each time, he’d make himself presentable for her boyfriend, and each time, they’d never show much interest in the asthmatic boy.

eddie hummed, feigning carelessness and turning back to his book. “is he in eighth grade, too?” he had asked, flipping the page over, though his ears were perked up and his eyes were no longer scanning the words printed nicely on the paper.

“yeah,” myra responded, her voice like she was up in the clouds, high on euphoria. she snapped back quickly, glancing down at the boy on the floor and catching his eyes. “you should talk to him; i think you would start to like him,” more than you think, eddie would learn to realize. before he could decline the offer, though, she was speaking again. “he likes david bowie... and what’s that one song you like?” she paused, her eyebrows scrunching together. “uh... something about the rains in africa?”

eddie perked up quickly, his hot chocolate colored eyes twinkling with the white marshmallows sculpted deep inside them. “africa by toto,” he had said, his cheeks growing hot. eddie kaspbrak loved music, he always had; and now that he would potentially have someone to discuss this love with, he was immediately hooked. he found out three years later, though, that it did not work out the way he had planned. he snapped out of his daze, his smile still apparent. “is he coming over?”

the girl grinned from ear to ear, unbelievably delighted that her best friend was keen on meeting her boyfriend. she looked down at her phone then, the screen lighting up and reflecting on her face in a green kind of glow, the color of her lock screen. “he said he’s on his way,” myra started. “he lives just down the street, so he’ll be here in a few minutes.”

the short boy was struck with a sort of fear then, subconsciously fixing his hair. he nodded, biting his lip and trying not to act suspicious (though this was normal for him; he was always afraid new people would think he’s too messy, too uncaring). myra didn’t seem to notice, though, and kept staring at her phone with a smile, typing away at the keys. at this realization, eddie stood up and coughed awkwardly. “i’m gonna go use the bathroom.” once he got an ‘okay’, he started walking.

when he came out of the bathroom after a few deep, calming breaths and a puff of his aspirator just in case, his clothes were freshly lint-rolled and perfect, his hair was combed and neat, and his teeth were nice and brushed. his fanny pack was around his waist, keeping him grounded and secure. he heard talking from the living room and walked into the doorway, his hands cupped at his front.

richie tozier turned to him, a wide grin on his face and his glasses askew. eddie let his eyes drift around the boy, taking in every detail he could in the three seconds he allowed himself to stare. richie had a grey shirt on, a white and navy blue hawaiian shirt draped over it. the fabric was loose on his skinny frame, and eddie noticed three cigarettes extended out of his pocket, making the small boy’s hands start to shake. his pants were black and tight, complimenting his long legs. and to top it all off, he had black and white slip-on vans over his green and purple socks. he didn’t match; but it suited him in a way eddie felt jealous of.

“like whatcha see?” the tall boy asked, making eddie blush in realization that he noticed the staring. before he could respond, myra spoke again, catching the asthmatic off guard. he had forgot she was in the room.

“richie, this is eddie,” she gestured towards him. “eddie, this is richie,” and back towards richie.

the glasses-clad boy grinned even harder, making eddie wonder if his face would split in half with the force of the grin. the smaller boy looked over to myra quickly, her giving him a smile and her eyes saying ‘this is normal, don’t be alarmed’. he stepped forward and stuck out his lanky arm, waiting for the small boy to shake it. he didn’t; he was afraid richie would think his hands were too rough (he forgot to apply lotion). “richie tozier.”

one week after richie introduced himself to eddie, the asthmatic was at myra’s house again, same as last weekend. “what did you get for number 6?” the girl asked, flipping her paper over and furrowing her eyebrows. she was across from eddie on her bed, both of them lying on their stomachs and going over their math homework.

“two,” eddie responded easily, writing something down on his paper. he then paused for a while, his hand hovering over his paper as he thought. “what do you want to do tomorrow?” he asked, looking up at her with hope in his eyes. hope that richie would come over again. hope that they’d have another chance to all watch a movie together (he had sat on the ground the whole time, though, trying not to pay attention to the sound of their lips smacking together every once in a while and the bounce of richie’s leg on the carpet). he hadn’t got that close to richie yet, for he’d have to take a puff of his aspirator every time he thought about it; but with richie’s loud mouth and his easy-going attitude, it was slightly easier than he thought.

myra hummed, looking up at him briefly before turning the page in the blue textbook. “i was planning to have richie come over at around ten in the morning,” she spoke, seeming to think them over as they floated out of her mouth. “is that okay?” she blushed slightly, looking back up at eddie.

the small boy nodded, pulling his phone out quickly to set an alarm for nine in the morning. he told himself he’d need time to wake up, but he knew deep down that he really only did that because he wants to look good for the taller boy. “that sounds good,” he smiled, glancing at the time quickly. he stood up then, grabbing his fanny pack and snapping it around his waist again. “be right back, i gotta take my medicine.”

the second it turned nine o’clock the next morning, eddie’s phone was ringing and the sound was echoing through myra’s living room. the small boy groaned and rolled over, shutting off his alarm and rubbing at his eyes. when his mind got a chance to catch up and his first thought was richie, though, he was up and rushing to turn the shower on.

when richie opened the door an hour later, he was grinning and his nose was a different color, the cold, november air outside making his skin blush red.

“spaghetti!” he yelled, immediately taking interest in the asthmatic boy, much to his surprise. “i was hoping you’d be here again!”

eddie blushed deeply, water pooling behind his eyes due to embarrassment. “hi, richie,” he spoke softly, the name unfamiliar on his tongue as he scanned the room for myra (he hoped briefly that he’d get a chance for the name to finally become familiar flowing out of his mouth). “uh, myra will be here in a second, she went to-“

the taller boy cut him off quickly, wrapping his lanky arm around his shoulders. “no worries, short stack,” he started, not coming off offensive but more... fond; as if he’d known eddie since they were in sixth grade, too. “for i, the one and only richie tozier, would not mind hanging out with my favorite eds!” he finished off in a loud, almost ear-ringing, voice, grinning down at eddie, his ocean blue eyes gleaming.

before the brown-eyed boy could respond with a ‘don’t call me that’ and a soft shove, myra was walking through the doorway and richie’s arm was unwrapping itself from his shoulders, leaving him with a heart that had plunged down into his lower stomach. “i see you two have made friends with one another.” friends. all they would ever be.

to that, richie nodded, the grin still on his face. does he ever stop fucking grinning? “we have, haven’t we, spaghetti head?” the words seemed as if they came from another planet, for the sound of blood rushing behind his ears was too loud for the small boy to process what richie was saying.

he excused himself to go use the bathroom then, and when he got there, he realized he might as well have been losing his mind. “keep it together, kaspbrak,” he said to his reflection, swallowing down a lump in his throat. “it’s just richie,” the name was still unfamiliar, “just myra’s new, unsuccessful boyfriend, richie.”

when eddie finally got himself to come out of the bathroom and walk into the living room again, he was stopped dead in his tracks. myra’s pinky was looped around the taller boy’s and words were flowing out of his mouth beautifully.

“-i promise, okay? i’ll always be here for you,” and then he was moving his hand up and extending his thumb to kiss. “i never break a pinky promise.” if only eddie would have known those six words would be repeating through his head painfully for three years afterwards. richie looked like a totally different person when he was serious, eddie then realized. he felt anxiety creep up his body with the question ‘i wonder if i’ll ever be in myra’s spot’. he knew he’d probably have an asthma attack due to richie’s eyes alone.

“me and richie broke up,” is what eddie heard five days later coming through his cell phone speaker, the owner’s voice broken and rough. “i-i didn’t-”

“wait, wait, what happened?” the brown-eyed boy asked, more curious than sympathetic.

“he pinky promised me!” she wailed, ignoring his question and making eddie move the phone an inch or two from his ear. “he said he never breaks pinky promises, and he did!”

eddie stopped talking to myra after that. not because of any particular reason, but just simply because of the fact that whenever he looked at her, all he could think about was richie’s arm around him and richie’s pinky promise and richie’s beautiful, blue eyes. the two boys never swapped numbers, so eddie had to spend the rest of eighth grade wondering if richie was ever really his ‘friend’, or if he was only taking interest in the hypochondriac because of myra.

what he didn’t realize until three months later, though, was that richie actually never did break his pinky promise. he was still there for myra if she needed him, but eddie guesses he lost interest in being something more than acquaintances. richie was good with his words and eddie was destined to be wrapped around his finger sooner or later.

#my boy #it 2017 #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #finn wolfhard #the losers club #jack dylan grazer #reddie #richie’s work #richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak

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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years

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One morning I awoke early

I often slept on the couch at Bobbys. If I fell asleep in my room or he carried me there, I often went back to the living room.

.....******......******

I had a tiny room but it was good enough and Bobby made it real nice, taking my stuff from the big house. But it reminded me of my old life. My life where people left me.

My dad went to the Navy SEALS and has special missions he couldn't take me on. He knew Bobby and I did better work on our own. My mom was murdered and I was stupid enough to demand to be taken to the scene of her and her two friend's dead bodies.

Jesse went crazy and his wife went Lulu. Both left, Jesse after he threw me out into the streets. So i didn't like my old bedroom stuff. Id like my bed again when my dad came home to visit and i saw him sleep in it a couple times so i knew he was alright. That would be fine then.

Bobby had washed the sheets and blankets and they smelled all new again and I couldn't smell my dad. There wasn't a quite distinct scent but more of a feeling... It was still there but was covered in the snuggle fabric softener and tide. The smell wss distracting. Good but not my dad.

I freaked at Bobby about it and he said it was fine, he still had the bedding from my dads bed. So I used his old army wooly not so soft but itchy scratchy with a hint of softness under... Like my life... Id carry it back and forth from my room. Bobby was kind enough, if he moved my sleeping body to cover me with the obscene fabric.

He warned me though that my dad had asked him specifically to wash it and he told me "if your dad wants to beat me up because i didn't you will have to protect me"

When my dad was due to arrive, i left the front door open and put a nightlight in my room so he could see for the bed to get dressed and go to sleep. Like an adult i thought. But my dad thought like a parent.

I thought I heard him creep in, drop his bag and say "finally I am home!"

But I dreamed about him coming home so many times I wasn't sure he did. "I guess ill use the bathroom then go on in to sleep"

Uh huh good one dreaming that one is new, I thought. I heard the light flick on and saw the light fill the hall, so I sat up in case he wanted to get something to eat, Bobby always did but rarely did my dad. But it was a new house and life was certainly different with Bobby. Honest. Small and I was left alone a lot. So I rarely played. Just watched the cars drive by, watch their patterns repeat. In the afternoons I'd sit on the porch and watch the other side of the street while I had lunch in case anyone worried, i sure did. And they could see me do it, too. Often I ate something normal like a bowl of ravioli.

........***,,,,,,&----''

Some hobag came a few times looking for Bobby "oh honey Bobby ain't home, his car ain't here"

I got up in went in the house. I didn't say anything to her. It wasnt her business. Her life. Wasn't mine and we didn't need no women ruining it. Yeah it was small but big enough for 3 or 4 more people. But Hell no. Not her. Not some bitch to tell me what to do or what I already knew. I banned Bobby from seeing her. Didn't stop him from going over and fucking her a few times. But we had long deep talks about romance in our life and how it wasn't happening. Mostly me to him. "Just give her a try. I did I kind of like her"

"Lets see her house. Lets go over when she ain't home" we did. "Sit down Bobby. Is this where you wanna live? You wanna live like this? Look at this stuff. Does she even dust? We would die in here. Not only do you have to clean after me and you And sometimes your brother but also her everyday. You wanna clean after this pig?"

"Alright let me look"

He looked at the kitchen stove. Noted some spots needing cleaning. Looked around. I could tell he was willing. The bathroom light flicked on. "Yuck. Oh alright honey I can clean that up after you. We all got to use the toilet Any way. What did you do to the sink!?!?! Lets go see the laundry..."

My heart was pounding. This was my only go to. I hoped to god this would get her out our lives but I had a feeling...

He came rushing down the hall... "Lets go" head down. Job done.

"But Bobby no!"

At the door he said strict "lets go right now! Get the hell out of here!"

"Yes!!! Bobby! Yes!!!!" I jumped up and ran to the door with glee. That was a this place is a dangerous dump demand. But sometimes he made a plan to go back in. Those times he strolled. This one he walked so fast i thought he had to take a massive water shit. He pulled his keys from his pocket and opened his car door. "Huh?!?! Bobby what you're gonna chase after her?!?!!? We aren't dressed for church besides she just goes to the bar!"

"Get in the fucking car!! We are out of here!!"

Last time I saw that look on his face was when he said I couldn't go to my mom's crime scene of her dead body. But this time. This was a celebratory moment.

$$$@$$$$$@$$$$@$$$$

My dad and Jesse overruled and I got in the car and rolled into a ball. "See? She can't handle it!" So when he got in. I climbed up into the front seat. Fixed the collar on his shirt, pulled his seat belt on and leaned against him, hugging his arm. "You don't want mom to see you looking dirty" so he directed the rest of the car to clean up. "I know shes dead but she has eyeballs and the rest don't. She will tell her evil friends on you then what? They will want to have sex with the dirty boys!"

Jesse messed his hair up a bit and my dad told him fix it...

"Not my mom Jesse. The other ones"

"I know"

"They're dead"

"Not for long"

Bobby who was disgusted angry turned back in,his seat.. Realizing the Zulululu already stole Jesse and took a look at my dad... Whom he looked like he was crunching numbers with every grind of his teeth.

I poked his side with my feet then put them on his leg "hey who are you?"

He poked my foot in a way only he did. Under the covers to remind me not to kick him in the face.

"Huh?! What?! I wasn't even paying attention. Who do you think put my wife there? Do you know? Jesse what's going on with you? I missed the conversation but i feel the car tension has something to do with you"

Jesse rolled down a window. Then Bobby then my dad. We went with wind blown hair. "Don't worry. My mom likes the look. Calls it sexy. Wind blown marketing should always be a thing she's always said. It's alright y'all, lets go see"

We started to walk... "Really she says the air conditioner is too cold but likes the wind chill factor with high winds."

"Did" reminded bobby, trying to rush ahead to block me. Like I wasn't only 2 and didn't use my size to my advantage. Mental note: avoid bobby, to through the legs of the others. Bobby would block me and squish my head. He's done it before. But the feeling of fear in the crowd led me back to Bobby and i got squished "hey! You'll mess my hair! Dad hurry! Can you pick me up!" I let my foot drag out to get bobby back cause that was a mad heavy thigh squish and it actually hurt.

"Don't kick bobby. Come over here. Yeah yeah ill carry you since Bobby didn't want you to come And tried to squish your brain meat out like you're a cadaver. Yeah yeah I know. I saw. Bobby can't handle it all since his wife died. It's only been 3 years. Haven't you ever noticed you only eat men and never any woman?"

I hadn't realized that it wasn't only men in the government program. I just thought women didn't die as often...

I looked back at Bobby and i saw him as a man whom had a life before me. Something I knew but hadn't realized had impacted him so thoroughly. I guess we both had something in common.

Loss.

And it was written all over his face.

I never saw it that way. I always saw it as patiently waiting.

When I waited i thought nothing. Felt clear sunshine. The birds singing and life dancing.

A cloud moved and put Bobby into the sun. He walked out of it and into the shade with a tint of annoyance.

I never would have moved. Just bathed in the sun until i burned. I never saw a difference before. Bobby used to cry a lot at our house. Mom would always say "he's different than us" I had known his wife had died but I never did understand. I knew what different meant. But Bobby was my friend.

But now I saw. Bobby and i, we didn't see the world the same

"He doesn't want you to know how he feels, he's scared. He doesn't want to lose you and or me. So don't just mind him"

"He can't see like me. He doesn't like the sun or th3 birds chirping. I bet he can't even build a sand castle"

"Sabrina what the hell are you talking to me about? Is Bobby dark and demented?"

"He doesn't like the sun burning his skin and I do" I whispered...

Bobby hasn't been in my life a long time. While I still like the heat, I don't like the reminding burn. I don't like the pain. I've had enough. I can't take anymore. Bobby was 22... I was older than him.. It began in my face... I couldn't handle my face being burnt. I was 23. Now I can't handle my arms or legs and that's been 5 years And more.

I was 7 when I couldn't handle multiple places burnt. My back and shoulders, face, and arms.

Only one place, no more.

.... ..... .... .....

I ran around the car feeling the worried face on my look but th3 joy and cheer still in my heart. I trusted Bobby and I knew him like th3 back of my hand I could piece it altogether.

I jumped in with enthusiasm. "No, no you dont have to put your seat belt on. Im not like your parents only when your intuition says."

Bobby is different now. He always puts his seat belt on. If i can get away with it. I don't. But I have my daughter and all other kids buckle up. However when I'm stressed or extra happy I buckle up automatically. Barbara, Heathers mom taught me that one. "Don't want stress to kill you. And don't want to lose your life on the happiest day of"

Plus then evil has no idea of what kind of day you're having.

"Well then Bobby where the Hell are we going? I feel I should be holding something. A bear or something" I looked out the window "you sure are going fast" I looked in Bobbys always immaculate clean car, hoping he might have something "there there a newspaper, that might work" I held it like a bouquet of flowers, thinking how we had ran errends for my mother's funeral.

"We're going to change your mother's last name to Jennings for the news paper so her in laws can take note. Is that alright with you?"

"These flowers sure are pretty. But how are they going to know?"

"They might not. But at the same time, they may. So we will see."

"Hmm idk. No. I don't want any candy"

"Ok"

He just drove past the mini-mart where Matt Hagan's dad used to work. The sun shining brightly upon it, saying we needed to still go

"But hey weren't you going to get a coffee?"

"Yep. Hold on to that thing" And he grabbed a vase. Sometimes it seemed he talked to himself out loud. Gave him self commands and orders. I'd learn they weren't for just him. But also for me and him. I found that out when I spilled his coffee a different day and I expected him to grab it, not realizing his hands were full with a sandwich and a steering wheel. "What do you want me to do let us die so I can just hold my coffee!?! I have a sandwich, too" he wasn't mean. And he didn't yell. But I cried. I felt so bad for spilling his coffee. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep or enough food. Maybe I hadn't told Bobby enough truth so he could protect me from his brother. I remember I didn't just have a stressful leak, I had a full out bawl. And he said he hadnt seen me cry like that since my mother died and I cried into her flowers and told him nothing was wrong, he had just forgot his coffee.

I wanted to tell him what his brother did. Why I closed and locked the door at night so he couldn't come in. Why I checked all the rooms to make sure I didn't lock his brother in. I needed to sleep and my brain was getting foggy.

"You need sleep?"

I nodded and trudged to the couch. Found him cleaning the car floor "you need help?"

"No. You need to go back to sleep. You just woke up I can tell. I know there's been something wrong with you. You've been safety sleeping and I don't know why. And you need to tell someone the truth. No you can go to sleep in my bed or in yours but stay off the couch and that's an order okay? Do you hear? Now come here and give me a hug if you want to"

Safety sleeping is 20 minutes to an hour every hour and half to three hours. On average.

So he tickled me and made me giggle and asked if I wanted to sleep or help him clean

"Sleep was made for me! Much better than cleaning!" It was a made up saying for the neighbor next door... Why her room was such a disaster. He shook his head and blushed and told me to go on and he would talk to me later.

That gross gut feeling came in and I saw a Jupiter on a bike riding to Bobby to warn me ego was cunning I ran back to Bobby, "if your brother comes over dont let him in! Okay for me! We are going to have to eat him! And it's one of those blah blah blah feelings when you're cooking and tastes better and head cleaner when it's all gone"

"A raper? Alright I'll tell him we're moving and to get his stuff, ill get a new car from storage. Don't c worrythis one's not ruined."

I didn't have to tell him what his brother did and he understood. And he could protect me appropriately.

I hugged his neck "okay? And I'm sorry! And I might be wrong okay, I just can't have him around me when I'm safety sleepin' on"

"No I've always knewn. It was before my wife died. But he still keeps coming around so I let him, although I've known I've hated him for years. But raping. That one is new. He must have just started it"

"Uh huh. Yeah and on me. He didn't put it in me though but he got creamy and on my dads blanket so I cut out all the pieces that were wet with three scissors. Not a knife nor the bouy. I love you though and c you'll always be like my dad" I hugged him again ahs kissed his cheek. Paused to watch a car pass.

"Why do you always watch the cars, Sweetie?"

"You never know when they'll need me. And I'm missing two. I haven't seen them yet all week"

He looked startled. "Do you want to go look for them?"

"No I want to get sleeping. They been waiting v all week anyway. i learned that with my "mom and me." Rush around around to get to Iraq after 10 weeks only to find out c you hate the bitch."

He shook his head and laughed

I was playing with a cat from the neighborhood. I'd always put it on the porch then offer it to go in, it never did. But it knew it was welcome as a safe place to go and visit. Sometimes it would meow at the door to remind me it was lunch time and time to go out and watch the streets. He would lay and purr and I'd pet him while on my watching shift. Sometimes I'd take him in and wrap him in my dads blanket like a baby. Those were days I didn't feel so good. Depressed and sleepy they'd say. And I'd fall asleep with my adult baby cat all Heathcliff style in my arms.

It was patient and kind and didn't at all mind. I guess he needed somebody as much as I did. He'd close his eyes and sleep if I moved he opened them wide until I settled. When Bobby came home the cat would leap out and run out the door to go back where it was loved.

One time a big black van tried to cat nap him. He was my working cat. And that shit was not acceptable! He worked hard and for what!? Just a few pieces of human jerky and snuggles and hugs? I ran outside barefoot and fought the 5 guys in the gravel loose rock street. Bobby took out a shot gun and did a blast to the air. "Come on lets go!"

I saw another guy with the same gray army blanket as my dad with the cat wrapped in get in the back seat. I jumped and dove in "get me my cat! I need it back!!" I started hitting them with my hands. He dropped the cat and blanket. The cat ran out and jumped on the back of a seat, saw it was all clear and ran out. Waited and looked at me.

"Oh alright I'm coming, but I'm stealing this blanket! I had to cut all holes in it for perverts like you touching me and it! I hope you burn in Hell one day sir, you stupid fool" I heard laughing as they shut the door to drive off. At seeing Bobbys face I dropped the Blanket. Why? Why did I just do that? To the people most important to him!? Over a cat!? I must have scared himto death!

He went over to pick it up "oh don't worry about me! I had the driver pinned up along the side. He didn't like having a shot gun. Under his chin and being punched in the chestand gut."

"Oh okay but are you okay? You didn't get your knuckles bruised or anything?"

"No they're alright. We're getting you a dog. I'm checking the newspaper tomorrow"

"If that's okay with kitty. I'll go ask" he rubbed his body in between my legs, I picked him up and looked in his eyes "a dog! Do you know what that is!?" I walked over to Bobby "dad idk if he really knows can you check?"

"Dad?" He looked behind him. I didn't usually call him dad but I just had a feeling... I saw hiseyes look sad like my dad's. Bobby is usually about food and stuff and getting my room ready and laundry but a dog!?! That's a dad thing. And kitty only came in the house if I ate a piece if a steak of my mom that morning then I wrapped the car like a baby Heathcliff so maybe three Doug would be like a son to him. The cat it was like a doll that purred. That was all. A doll to me. Like company cause the cat sometimes watched TV then went to sleep... But I tried not to get attached. Sometimes he was busy and didn't come to see me but when he did, I was grateful. I didn't hate to be alone but that was my Bobby. Even if he hated me, He still loved me because he had to. But that cat? That cat came by choice. Alright. Alright, I did feed it. But even it liked ravioli made by Chef Boyardee. And it still hung around after lunch, then by 3 or sometimes even 2 or 1 and a half in the deepheart of summer and it was too hot to be outside. We would go inside and it would come with me by choice. Bobby always said "never pickup an animal and take it inside unless it's being chased by a storm or hurt by a car"

So I didn't! Really hot days I put a plastic covered popsicle in the bathroom sink for kitty to lick and cool off with. Then a always took some human jerky to share on the sofa

Sometimes not in winter I had to vacuum off the sofa when I saw Bobby in his black uniforn with cat furballs stuck to his back. Then I would put my blanket in the dryer with the clean old baby shoes to beat the hair out.

And in winter I had would rush to put the cat bowl or water in the sink. So bobby wouldn't kick it over and complain. He liked to watch TV and deink so he had to have it in a certain spot or ue wouldn't drink! Right by the sink. Exactly right in the mess of Bobbys walking pathway.

"Why don't you put the water on the table honey that way the cat can see and drink"

"You told me not to retrain him -- any animal that walks into our house that's not ours and he has another home. I don't feed him. Only snacks. 2 ravioli and some slices of jerky we share"

"Let me see how much"

"Just these pieces on the jar on the counter. That's why I asked you to put it next to this sink so I could reach it easy. See? I just go like this on this chair and lean across and dangle. Get my shirt all wet if you forget"

"You could go the other way"

"That's no fun. And kitty doesn't mind. He just sits right here and watches then jumps over to my seat and Waits for me to pick him up in my blankie. Huh don't you kitty? Oh he thought we were gonna get him a treat. Could you get him one?"

"Alrightie"

"Here you get this strip" I ripped off a narrow piece of human jerky about 3 inches long and put it in his mouth. He grabbed it with both paws like a baby does a bottle and nibbled.

Bobby was awestruck, "let me look at this thing." I handed him over. "No wonder you dove in after this thing. It's like your baby" he turned off the tv and watched cat look around then turn it back on and kitty went back to nibbling happiky. "Let me see this thing that had to be a fluke" he turned off the tv again and the cat reached out and slapped his cheek. Then closed his eyes like I'm gonna kill this bitch if he don't stop. "Well look at that he slapped me! Does he do this to you?÷?!"

"No I don't turn the tv off on him. Sometimes I change the channels but that's to watch Ma Vida that's in Spanish but its a home cooking show but I can follow along so I can help you when you come home and we are cooking and you're bored of the same old thing--"

"I --- what?!?!?÷"

"Then usually when Mazda Vista comes on after, he gets drowsy and usually he's asleep by the time its over"

"But that's a realtor show!!"

"I know and but I like it here, don't worry. Its small but not too small."

"Its a travel trailer with boxes attached to it! We can't even drive it! Its been,destroyed÷ and it leaks!"

"But that's okay. Me and kitty like it. I have a feeling,he has a bigger house down in the middle. Oh lookie he's sleeping. Here lets move his thing. I just put it down here in front of him. He's had a hard day being kidnapped and everything."

"He slapped me because he wanted to watch tv and couldn't then went to sleep!?!?!"

"Well yeah. Lets watch Mazda Vista"

I don't know what it was with the show. It made me want to look out the window to watch the highway and see the patterns. Out that way i was missing four but two more were added and that i knew was not good. After today I'd probably have 3 more and usually they drifted away and quit coming again only to come again sporadic then again some other times also when I was losing other people.

....

So they finished loading and seemed to be looking at me so I spun to my back against the wall. Then slid down and looked out around the curtain. Were those guns? Yup. Pointed at me. Only two years old. Maybe I shouldn't pretended to be Bobbys height by standing on the cushion side of the coffee table.

Bobby was still asleep, the cat really must had knocked him out. That's happened to me too some ladies claiming to be from church, me holding the cat, I remember hearing them after I woke up from my nap and seeing their pamphlets about God wanting me, tucked in the door and on the floor

...... ....

It made me scared. I felt stark white and I saw the cat staring at me from the couch. I checked the clock. It wasn't time to wake up from his nap yet. It was half past two, not nearly 3. Just one notch past the half, that meant 35. 2:35 Bobby would say. I thought the cat would be purring or pacing back and forth, but it was just there in the blankie. Looking.

I ran to him "oh kitty! That was so scare! I think I'll shut the door for the rest of today, at least until my Bobby gets home!" Kitty closed his eyes to sleep and I knew it was the truth of what to do. "Okay Kitty I even locked it. No don't worry I know he will need his key and today is Wednesday so he will probably have his groceries. I mean groceries for like you and me, then I'll go and open it. Usually I hear his car so I know it's him... Kitty went to sleep and so did I. Later I felt paws on my face. "Huh? What? What? Oh is he?! Oh do you know his car sounding too? Oh you are too good kitty! Too good! Come on lets go see! Hold on. No. I feel something else is out there lets wait till we hear full Bobby on the porch. What do you mean meow? You think we should not wait? I guess. Yeah yeah you're right, what if... He could be in danger too. If he is... But right now I want to hold you but if I can't ill have to put you down. I have a feeling it will be okay. I'll just open the door. Yeah I know I'm just peeking. So bobby always told me the strongest part of us is our feet when standing at the door so always remember that. Yeah I know. Tells, but he hasn't told me in awhile so Is it told still? Yes but not always told because he's not dead yet. I'll have to ask Bobby. That was too many words in a row. I need a comma or something and I sure couldn't hear it in my head. Idk why I can't see Bobby. Oh I can see his shadow!" A Jupiter turned to look at me "Oh I can see those men! Can other people see them kitty?"

I was busy looking out and i felt his two paws on my face and then I looked at him and saw that he and nodded and closed his eyes then I saw some Hell. "In their sleep? In their nightmares?" The cat snuggled down and purred but this time I felt it was laughing.

I looked out and Bobby kept saying no and shaking his head. "Im sorry no. I'm not going to. Then You tell her!"

"Oh I think I know what it is." I grabbed the phamplets off the stereo stand and went outside and just stood

"Did they get you?"

"No the cat saved me. You mean the ladies right?"

"Did you get a good look at them?"

A Jupiter turned to me and apologized saying how they didn't know if I knew and just wanted to speak to Bobby about it. But my pale face left knowledge that I knew. He ruffled my hair.

"These 3 ladies came to the door. The other soulmate looked for me and they tried to get in with a screwdriver but they couldn't. They heard the cat scream and car doors opening and shutting. They said "oh shit!" And took off in their car. A silver Mercedes-Benz and the meanest one was driving. They weren't all thin but close enough their license plate number was C3J4alcatraz9."

"They will be going to Tuscaloosa. Okay we will see you later Bobby. We will catch up. Thanks to you kid!"

"No not a problem. Manana!"

"She's been watching Spanish on T.v. did you know? She's looking brighter! You know you'll be alright! Those ladies they won't get you thanks to your other soul!" As they flew off Bobby sat on the porch steps and called me to him, he pulled me into his lap in a big hug, so much I could barely look out. Kitty jumped out and ran to watch the Jupiters fly off and then came back around, rubbed on Bobbys back all kinds to say "I gots you dad" then climbed back into my lap to settle down.

He had asked me how the cat saved me. And I told him usually I dont pay much attention when he falls to sleep but that day I had and it made me drowsy like when I couldn't sleep and I would look at my mom or dad's face and it would help me ease into sleep better. I explained I was just sitting up and looking down. And yeah the ladies could had seen me.

He said he had wondered why the door was shut and was getting frustrated that it was and Jupiter wasn't saying I had been taken. He was so worried I felt tears on my head and ears from his eyes.

So when Kitty came he said "so you saved my girl hu" and he held his head high with a smizle and purred. And bobby kissed him on the nose and between the eyes. "Alright y'all its been a long day and as you see I didn't even shower"

"But you didn't even give him a tight squeeze! You remind him you love him and you are thankful for his love, here ill give you one and you carry these in and ill make us some raviolis, you can have some of mine. Its okay. You always buy me enough! And you can take your shower while i cook! Come on Bobby its okay! Oh you want to come in, too, miss kitty? Its okay! Bobby we will have to share! 2 pieces each and she likes the gravy!"

"I call it a girl she tells me its a man and then she calls it Miss Kitty" he said to himself.

Right when Bobby was finishing, a Jupiter flew down, "bobby they're not going to Tuscaloosa! They're right down behind those trees! They have men and they're camping!

0 notes

nilesarchives · 5 years

Text

You Got The Right Stuff ― NOT CANON. (second verse: niles lite)

At Miles’ mother’s second wedding, he and Nick sneak away from the celebration to try and forget the events of the night before — by going a whole step further and hooking up in Miles’ new stepdad’s car. Vaguely NSFW, but skips over most of it. Also there’s NKOTB.

Nick thought that the wedding seemed to go by so quickly for how long it took for the couple to plan it. It was still really nice, though, and there was something about weddings that just made you feel good. Miles’ Mom and her new husband Greg seemed really happy, and although Nick hadn’t ever spoken to the man, he didn’t seem like a bad guy. After awhile of talking with his brother, Nick wandered off to get a drink, and it was only on his way back that he spotted Miles for the first time since the ceremony. Without thinking about it, he walked over to him. Even if this was the first time speaking to him since the night before on the man’s Birthday. “Hey!” Nick exclaimed, hoping it was okay to be excited about the wedding and hoping Miles didn’t feel too weird about his Mom getting remarried. “Finally get to say congratulations on the wedding. It was really nice. Your Mom did a good job.”

Miles was blown away by how quickly it all went by. It seemed like it was just yesterday that his mom was introducing him to Greg for the first time, and now he was his stepdad. Miles still didn’t like it; it was definitely going to take some getting used to. But his mom was happy, and that was all that mattered, really. The day started out stressful but went by smoothly. Miles was surprised he was able to pull himself together since he couldn’t stop thinking about the night before. His memory was spotty, but a few things were for sure: he’d embarrassed himself by trying to kiss Nick, Nick brought him home, Nick left, Miles called Murphy…and the rest was sort of a blur. Miles didn’t remember a single thing about it until he woke up with a tattoo he didn’t remember getting. He resigned not to tell anyone about it today, because this day wasn’t about him. He’d deal with it later. Now, he was trying to distract himself from all of that by saying hello to family members he hadn’t seen in a while and getting to know Greg’s family, albeit reluctantly. He was relieved when Nick came up to save him from the torture, but also unsure of how this was going to go. “Hey,” he replied, nodding at him. “Yeah, it was cool. She’s really happy.” He found his mom across the room, smiling as she talked to someone Miles didn’t recognize, which proved his point and made him grin himself. “I’m glad it’s everything she wanted.” He turned his attention back to Nick, raising his eyebrows. “Did you get to meet Greg yet?”

Nick was only a guest at the wedding. Him and Murphy didn’t have to deal with all the stress and family drama of it all. Truth be told, because of that he didn’t think they’d get to see Miles at all. Despite all of the weirdness that had transpired between them lately, though, he wasn’t going to not say hi to his friend. They did say they weren’t going to ignore each other anymore. Nick was just holding true to that promise. “She looks like it.” He nodded, turning his head to follow Miles’ gaze across the room and to her. She deserved to be happy; hopefully this Greg guy would be good for her. “Greg? No.” He shook his head once he turned back to Miles, laughing as he did so. “I’ve seen him, though. It’s good to finally put a face to the name.” He wasnt expecting him to look so much like, well, a Dad. But he’d just keep that observation to himself. “I thought he seemed nice. I’m not wrong, am I?”

Miles sighed, turning back again to look for Greg. Sure enough, he was right by Miles’ mom. He supposed he’d have to get used to that. “He’s…something. He can be nice but he’s usually a douche. I don’t know. He did already buy he a few drinks tonight, though. Seems like a bribe if you ask me, but I’m not complaining.” He wasn’t going to drink nearly as much as he had last night, that was for sure. Which got him thinking about the events again, and he brought a hand up to run the back of his neck. “Anyway, um…listen, man. About last night. I was—I was pretty drunk. I’m sorry I got all weird and stuff.” He didn’t want to ruin their night before it really began, but he really wanted to get this out of the way so it didn’t come back later. At least they weren’t ignoring each other.

Nick listened as he talked about Greg; noticing how annoyed he seemed with the man already. But he figured Miles had the right to be. It was his Mom the dude married, after all. “If he’s offering, you might as well just enjoy it.” He nodded, playing along in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Maybe you can get him to buy you a pony next. See how far he’ll go.” Nick had been drinking a little himself throughout the evening, but suddenly Miles mentioning alcohol was making him antsy. He tried not to think about last night, and he assumed Miles would do the same. Here he was apologizing, though, which didn’t really set right because it wasn’t really his fault. “You don’t have to be sorry.” He began slowly, feeling awkward as hell. “You were drunk, and I’d been drinking. If anything I should be apologizing.” He paused, shrugging. “It was an accident.” Although it definitely didn’t feel like that at the time. “Are you feeling better?” He asked, part curious and part just trying to change the subject. “No monstrous after Birthday hangover you had to suffer through?”

Miles nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Maybe he’ll pay off all my student loans if I hate him just enough.” He didn’t miss how the mood shifted as soon as he mentioned the night before. Nick seemed just as uncomfortable as he was himself. “Right. Yeah. It was an accident,” he repeated, even though it definitely wasn’t. But Miles knew this wasn’t the time to fight it. So once again, forgive and forget. “This morning was pretty awful,” he admitted, remembering it being near impossible to drag himself out of bed. “But I got here. And it was worth it, ‘cause I told you I look nice as hell in a tux.” He motioned to the whole outfit, emphasizing his point.

Nick smiled. “Now you’re talking.” He hadn’t really been expecting to talk about last night at all, but a large part of him was relieved that Miles brought it up, because some time between last night and this morning Nick had convinced himself that Miles would think he was some kind of creep who got his friends drunk so he could mack on them. It had only been the one kiss, sure, but Nick had kissed back. And he could at least admit to himself now that he hasn’t wanted to stop. “Right.” Nodding as Miles agreed that it was an accident, even if Nick didn’t fully buy it himself, he didn’t say any more. “Man, I’m sorry. Feel like I should have left a case of water for you so you could have drowned it away.” He wasn’t sure if that would have actually helped, but people seem to think getting plenty of fluids is a cure all. As Miles motioned toward his outfit, Nick couldn’t help his gaze from following along. Once he realized what he was doing, though, he forced his eyes back up to his face. “I’m not gonna lie. You look pretty good.” He nodded as he spoke honestly, possibly a little too honestly. “When’s the last time you even had to wear a tux? I’ve known you for how many years?” He questioned, only teasing. “Can’t say I’ve ever seen you so formal. Half of me thought you’d show up in a tuxedo T-shirt.”

Miles was glad they could at least talk about it this time without having to ignore each other for a month beforehand. He wished he could say that something like this would never happen again so he didn’t have to worry about it, but that was what he’d said the last time. Now, it was at least nice to know that if it did happen, they could talk about it and move on. “It’s fine. I had water. I just…I didn’t actually get to sleep until really late.” He wasn’t going to mention the fact that he went back out with Murphy after Nick left, not yet anyway. Though he was surprised he didn’t already know since he lived with the guy. “It ended up being fine, though.” Miles tried not to notice Nick looking at him until his gaze flickered back up to his face, but he didn’t have much luck pretending not to see it. It caught him off guard because he’d only been joking, and now he felt his face get red. He just prayed it wasn’t that noticeable. It was only when Nick spoke again that Miles came back to reality. “Oh, um…I’m not sure. It’s been a while.” He shrugged. “I had one for prom, but I didn’t end up needing it.” His prom date bailing on him last minute was a well-known story. Miles was over it now, but still sort of pissed he never got to wear the tux. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in one, actually.”

Nick wasn’t really sure what to say to him, and if anything weird happened between them again Nick was fairly certain that feeling wouldn’t change. It was hard to act like everything was completely normal after kissing his friend. Twice. Still, though, it was a hell of a lot better than not talking to each other at all. Nick didn’t like it when that happened. “Oh, well. That would do it too, I guess. I hope you had fun, at least.” Despite the killer hangover he suffered and all of that. After taking Miles home, he had stopped by another bar on his way home, knocking down a few more drinks of his own before finding his way home and calling it a night. He had been surprised that he didn’t have a hangover himself. Noticing Miles begin to turn red, Nick couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. He didn’t mean to be weird, or embarrass him. It just happened. “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.” He nodded, vaguely remembering Miles talking about it. Nick always thought prom was overrated anyway. Of course, that could be because he missed it himself, and that’s what everyone said when they were secretly bitter about something. “I don’t think I’ve ever worn one.” He admitted, in thought. Not unless you counted funerals. “Not since I was like, six.” He thought he’d look weird in formal wear now anyway. Tall people always looked weird in suits; like business men. Or Abraham Lincoln. “On a scale of one to ten how uncomfortable is it?”

Miles nodded. “Yeah, I had fun. It was pretty much exactly how I picture a good 21st birthday to be. Just a lot of alcohol and not remembering much the next day.” Miles could definitely do without the pounding headache that morning, but he was pretty sure there was no avoiding that. “I think my mom was more upset about it than I was,” he remembered, thinking back to her insisting that he deserved to go to prom while Miles had just considered it another free night to hang out with Murphy. He nodded, thinking back. “I actually think I was six the last time I had to wear one, too. At my cousin’s funeral. I feel bad for all the poor little kids stuck in uncomfortable suits just to have to sit through uncomfortable situations.” He laughed at the irony of it all, shaking his head. “It’s not that bad. I’d only say like a three. It’s just hot more than anything.” He shrugged. He could live with it. As he caught another glimpse of Greg, shooting a silent glare at the back of his head, another thought crossed Miles’ mind. “Hey, have you met my new sister yet?”

Nick smiled. “Hey as long as it was worth it.” He was glad he at least enjoyed himself. Nick couldn’t really remember how his own 21st went, aside from the pulsating hangover he suffered the next morning.“That’s so sad. Hopefully seeing you dressed up now makes up for it a little bit.” Weddings beat proms ten out of ten times anyway. At his next comment, Nick nodded in agreement, not sure what to say other than the fact that it definitely wasn’t the best situation. “I’m sorry, man. Me too. Something about baby suits are all super itchy for some reason too.” He smiled, not sure if funeral talk was proper wedding talk, but it wasn’t sad so it was okay. “Not too bad.” He let the topic die off as Miles asked him the question. Raising an eyebrow, he shook his head. “Can’t say I have. I forgot you were getting one of those.” He laughed. “Why, should I go make excuses to talk to her and Greg just to see what they’re like?”

Miles nodded. “Totally worth it.” Considering how his own went, Miles sort of wished he’d been there for Nick’s, but he supposed he’d never know how that went down. “I’m sure she’s over it now, too. No big deal. That girl was never very nice, anyway.” High school prom dates were never that important later on, honestly. “Yeah, they are. I don’t know what it is about ‘em.” He was thankful to move on from this conversation, not because he was sad, but because it probably wasn’t best to keep focusing on it and end up getting sad eventually. “I forgot too. I actually just met her, like, less than a week ago.” He sighed, thinking back to the awkward moment they shared during their first meeting. “We should go find her. She’s actually kinda cool, from what I’ve seen. Don’t know how she came from Greg.” He shook his head before scanning the crowd and beginning to lead Nick to go find her. “C’mon. I think I saw her go out by the bathrooms a little while ago,” he mentioned, motioning toward the door that led out toward the bathrooms across the hall.

Nick hadn’t gone to his own prom either, instead choosing to skip it alongside his date and friends at the time. It was fun, so he didn’t really regret it. Miles didn’t seem to either, so he figured neither of them really missed out on much. “You got a mean girl to agree to prom with you? That’s impressive in itself. Girls in High School were intimidating as hell.” He laughed, because really all girls seemed intimidating to him until his senior year, at least. Nick nodded, not replying again until Miles’ new sister came up. “Oh, cool. What’s her name?” He was curious; he had seen her in the wedding now that he thought about it but hadn’t realized it was Greg’s daughter. “Let’s go before you two are stolen away for family stuff, then.” He jerked his head toward the toward Miles just motioned to. “You should probably lead the way, though. I don’t want to scare her by jumping out at her near the bathrooms.” That wouldn’t really make a good first impression.

Miles shrugged. “I never understood it, either. Till she said she couldn’t come the day before. Then it all sorta made sense. Like, that’s more like it.” He laughed, because even he could admit he was a dork in high school. At least he was a little better now. “Hadley,” he replied as he led Nick out into the hall. It was immediately quieter, with less of a chance of drunk family members approaching him to ask him questions he didn’t feel like answering. “She’d probably just laugh. Nothing could get more awkward than her hitting on me before we found out we were gonna be related in a few days.” Miles definitely preferred being an only child, but at least he could milk the whole stepbrother thing by holding something like that over her head forever. He stopped near the bathrooms, where he swore he’d seen her earlier. “So…I don’t know if we should just stand here and wait, or if we’ll get thrown out for being creepy.”

Nick laughed. “Normally I’d give you the 'you can do better’ talk, but since it’s been about forever and a half I’m sure you don’t need that anymore.” He began to walk with Miles toward the door, nodding to himself and trying to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally forget her name or something. “That’s a cool name. Never heard that one before.” He said before they got to the empty Hall, and immediately Nick could feel the difference between the area there and the one the reception hall was held in. There were almost too many inside, but he supposed that was to be expected at weddings. “What?” He turned his head to look at him. He’s be lying if he said that wasn’t hilarious. “Miles.” He began, trying to sound serious although it was clear he was only teasing him. “Are you having an affair with your stepsister?” He made sure not to say it too loudly in case someone decided to walk in at that moment and take him seriously. “You’ll probably be fine because you’re the bride’s son. I’m screwed here.” He smiled again before shrugging. “I don’t mind waiting unless you’d rather go look for her. If anyone asks we’ll just pretend that there’s someone in the bathroom. Or pretend to be arguing 'cause no one likes go get in the middle of that shit.”

Miles shook his head. “Yeah, I definitely do not need that talk. Thanks, though. I appreciate the thought.” Miles nodded in agreement. “It is cool. Makes it harder to forget.” He knew Nick would want to know more about that whole thing, which was to be expected because it was too funny not to share. “She just called me cute or something. Then we found out our parents were getting married and it was the funniest thing that happened to me all week.” When Nick made his gross comment, Miles hit him in the shoulder, but still laughed. “Shut up, man. Next time you wanna say some dumb shit like that just remember you got naked in front of my mom.” He could definitely keep holding that over Nick’s head for at least a little while longer. He wasn’t over it yet. Miles surveyed their surroundings before motioning for Nick to follow him again, trekking a little further down the hall and around the corner to where he’d seen a bench by some plants beforehand. Sure enough, there it was, presumably a place people sat to wait for someone or just get some peace and quiet. “This is a lot less creepy,” he noted, sitting down. “At least there’s a corner we’d have to turn now.”

Nick shrugged. “Anytime.” He nodded. Hadley wasn’t a name he heard every day. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing again as Miles elaborated. “Hey.” He shook his head, grinning. “At least you know she doesn’t dislike you. This is a good thing, right?” So maybe he shouldn’t have made that joke. Like most things, it sounded a lot funnier and a lot less douche baggy in his head. Trying to man up and not flinch when Miles hit his shoulder, Nick nodded. “Okay. I had that one coming. I’ll give you that one.” The embarrassment wasn’t any less real, though. He’d actually let himself forget about that for a few minutes. Trailing after Miles, he was thankful when he spotted the bench. If he was being honest, it was nice to get away from the crowd for a few minutes. He could only imagine what Miles must be feeling. Sitting down next to him, Nick agreed. “That’s true. We look more casual about it now.” Nick looked down the hallway briefly, looking out for people coming their way, but there were none just yet. “Murphy must be somewhere around here, too. Everyone seems to be missing, though.”

Miles couldn’t stop himself from rolling his eyes at that. “I guess anything is better than Greg trying to call me 'son’ every five minutes. Like, dude. Relax. They weren’t even married until a few hours ago.” He didn’t hold back being bitter about it in front of Nick anymore. He just needed to vent about it enough so he could begin to accept it. “Yeah, you did. I won’t forget about it that easily. And neither will she, unfortunately.” Miles wondered if Greg knew that she’d seen some shit that night, and if so, he wondered if he knew it was Nick. He wasn’t going to ask, though. At the mention of Murphy, Miles frowned. “Oh, shit, you’re right. I hope he doesn’t think we left him or anything. Though I think I saw him talking to my mom a little while ago and they looked like they were having a grand old time.” He wasn’t too worried about it. Miles’ family adored the Vaughns. Still, he didn’t want to leave him alone all night. “I could use a minute out here, though. It’s kind of exhausting in there after a while, y'know? Too many people with too many questions. And too much alcohol.” He shook his head. “Clearly, I should cool it with the drinking in general,” he muttered, mostly to himself. He obviously didn’t make good decisions, and he’d already had enough to drink tonight.

Nick drew his eyebrows together, frowning at that information. “That’s weird, he shouldn’t be doing that. Did he even ask if he could call you that first?” That was just as bad as sport. Nick had an Uncle who used to love that term when he was growing up. He still didn’t understand the need that older dudes felt to grossly nickname people younger than them. Nick didn’t mind the fact that he was beginning to rant, in fact he was a little relieved. He knew Miles wouldn’t be completely fine with the wedding. Nick just wasn’t sure how to ask how he was doing without prying too much. “Okay, I get it. You win.” The familiar burning of his cheeks and eats began to settle in, as it only seemed to do when talk of the incident came up. It was his own fault for not thinking before speaking. And also for being a stripper in the first place. He was just going to have to live with his decisions. “I told him I was going to walk around for awhile and get a drink.” Nick shook his head. “He was the last time I saw him, too, so I think he’s okay. He knows he can text me if he needs to.” His brother had told him numerous times he could take care of himself, but he still never quite felt right leaving him on his own without making sure he knew he could contact him. “We can hang out here for a little while, then.” At least until one of them had to go back. “It looks like it’s a lot to handle.” He commented, about to say something else when Miles’ last words traveled to him. Nick wasn’t sure if he was supposed to hear that or not, but part of him knew that was a jab about last night. It shouldn’t have bothered him, but it kind of did. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it.” He spoke carefully. “The drinking. It’s not for everybody.”

Miles shook his head. “No. I just don’t say anything. It’s not that I don’t like him. He just does a lot of stuff that bothers me. And…he’s not my real dad. All that bullshit.” Miles shrugged. He’d get over it eventually. He had to. “Damn right I win.” Miles nodded, looking around again as they talked about Murphy in the slim chance he might be out there looking for them, but of course he wasn’t. He was fine. “He’s a big boy. I think he knows the number for 911.” Miles was only teasing. He knew Nick was protective of him, and it wasn’t a bad thing. He nodded at that; it certainly was a lot. Miles looked up when Nick responded to what he said. He hasn’t exactly been quiet about it. “I do like it. It just.” He paused, shrugging. “Good things don’t typically come out of it.” He didn’t think he wanted to have this conversation right now, but honestly, it was all he thought about lately. It was hard to go back to totally normal when things like this happened. It wasn’t easy looking Nick in the eye without thinking about the fact that they’d kissed twice now, and there was no way they could both be accidents. “Sorry I keep bringing it up. It’s just confusing. I’m trying to make sense of it all.” But he couldn’t do that if they both resigned to just not talk about it.

Nick nodded as Miles spoke about Greg. It sounded rough, but it also sounded like Greg was at least trying to form some sort of relationship with him. Even if he wasn’t going about it the right way. “Hopefully after all the wedding stuff he’ll chill out some.” He wanted to ask about how Miles’ real Dad was doing, but he didn’t want to stir up any more bad shit on accident. “Yeah, don’t get used to it.” He joked, shaking his head. “Well, now he has two emergency numbers. He’ll have to just deal with that.” Murphy didn’t always like it, though. “Right.” Suddenly it felt awkward again, but Nick knew he couldn’t keep avoiding it. Especially since there was no excuse to make not to talk about it. It wasn’t right of him to do that, anyway. He knew that. Miles deserved answers; the problem was that Nick just didn’t have any. “I don’t know, Miles.” He shook his head, frustrated. He wanted to tell him the truth; that it hadn’t entirely been an accident. He just couldn’t seem to find the words. “I don’t know why you think I have the answers when I’m just as confused as you are.”

Miles shrugged. “Yeah, hopefully.” Their small talk slowly died off until it seemed they only had one thing left to talk about, the thing they both tried to avoid but to no avail. “I don’t think you have all the answers,” Miles retorted, looking at him. He suddenly felt defensive. He wasn’t trying to pin it all on Nick, he was just voicing his confusion. “I was just saying.” He definitely didn’t want to fight. Not here. That would be worse than ignoring each other. “Can I just. Can I ask you something?” It was hard to do this without knowing if he was overstepping boundaries. But he was pretty sure they crossed that bridge when they kissed the first time. “Why did you let me do it if you knew it was a mistake?” Miles hated saying it like that, knowing in his heart that wasn’t what it was. But if it was the only way either of them could get the words out, he’d have to settle. He made sure to maintain eye contact before he spoke again, lowering his voice in case somebody happened to be out there with them now. “Did you want to kiss me?”

Nick didn’t want to fight with him. He also didn’t know what to say without sounding repetitive and giving Miles the same bullshit excuses. So whenever this seemed to come up, Nick felt stuck. He sighed, staying silent for a moment and trying not to snap back because he knew he’d regret it. “What is it?” He looked at him cautiously. He didn’t know what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t that. And it stung him, because it didn’t feel like a mistake on his end. “I stopped you.” He tried to make his even as he met his eyes. “I stopped you. But.” He shook his head, angry with himself for being too fucking scared to say that he hadn’t wanted to stop. And then Miles had to go and ask him that, and Nick was thrown for an even bigger loop. All he could do was look at him for a moment, the word yes on the tip of his tongue. It never came, though, and before he knew what he was doing, Nick surged in, closing the distance between them leaning down to press his lips against Miles’. It was fast, and it was probably wrong. At that moment, though, it seemed like the right thing to do. It would give Miles the answer he was looking for without him having to say it and suddenly make things weird. At least with this, if it went badly, they could pretend it was another accident.

Miles didn’t know how to react when all Nick could say was that he’d stopped him. He had, but not before kissing him back, and not without clear reluctance on his part. Miles just didn’t understand it. But evidently, neither did Nick. And neither of them was able to get another word in before Nick kissed him. To say he was surprised would be the understatement of the year. It certainly answered his question. Fearing Nick would pull away again and tell him no, Miles didn’t want it to be too much too fast again. But he also didn’t want to seem like he wanted this to stop. He hesitantly lifted his hands to hold Nick’s face, keeping him close. Miles couldn’t believe how familiar this felt now. It was still surprising and equally as exciting, but the familiar feeling allowed him to deepen the kiss without having to worry so much about Nick pushing him away after all.

Nick had only stopped him the night before because he was too drunk to know what he was doing. He felt like he was taking advantage. Right now it was different. Miles wasn’t drunk, and neither was he. They’d been drinking, but using that as an excuse now was futile at this point. Yet all of those thoughts were the furthest thing from his mind as he kissed him. For a second, Nick thought Miles was going to push him away. But then his hands were on his face and he was kissing him back, and it felt good again. Just like the other times felt good. Allowing the kiss to deepen, Nick responded in turn, his arms reaching out to wrap around Miles’ waist to bring him closer. At that moment, he paid no mind to whoever may walk out into the hall. He just didn’t want to break away yet.

Miles quickly realized that if he’d been at all afraid that Nick was going to change his mind, that was gone as he wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer. It made Miles feel a little more adventurous, and he figured he’d had enough to drink that he could still use it as an excuse — just in case — for letting his hands wander. While one ended up on Nick’s shoulder, the other made its way up to run through his hair. There was no way that this was anything but pure want on both ends. Miles felt like the world around him didn’t exist. That is, until he heard his name, and it definitely wasn’t from Nick because he was pretty sure that he’d had his tongue in his mouth just then. He quickly pulled away, thankfully without biting him this time or causing any other injuries, looking up to find his mom standing over them with an inquisitive look on her face. “Hi, Mom,” Miles said, dumbfounded, his eyes wide. She calmly informed him that they had to have their slow dance soon, regarded Nick with a smile and a nod, and went back into the reception. Miles watched her go before turning his attention back to Nick. He was quiet for a moment, but there was no way in hell that Miles was going to pretend that one never happened. “That wasn’t an accident,” he said simply. He knew he had to go, but he’d be damned if this was the end of that. He raised an eyebrow at Nick, hoping he got the hint that Miles wasn’t done here, before standing up to go back where he was needed.

Nick was only further spurred on by the hands on his shoulder and in his hair. The sensation of Miles’ fingers curling through his hair caused a pleasant chill to roll down his spine. He’d always had a weakness for that, but something about this particular time had him hyper aware of every touch. And he had an inkling it was because neither of them were holding back anymore. Dragging his hands up Miles’ back, up to rest against the back of his neck, then around to cup either side of his face — Nick didn’t even think to break the kiss. With each passing second it seemed to grow deeper and less controlled, and he completely forgot about the fact that anyone could walk in at any moment. The voice that sounded from in front of them was a pretty rude awakening, though. Instantly, he felt Miles separate himself, and out of pure instinct he did the same. Ripping his hands away, he scooted back a respectful enough distance before daring to look at the person he knew it was already, judging from the voice and the look on Miles’ face alone. First she saw him half naked. Now this. How she managed to keep her voice even and talk to her son as though nothing was going on, Nick didn’t know. He could only assume she wasn’t exactly thrilled, though. For a moment, even after she left, he stared blankly after her. Slowly, he turned back to Miles, expecting an awkward reaction that matched what he was feeling at the moment. But he didn’t get that. Instead, he was calm, and it took Nick a moment to understand what he meant. But then it sunk in, and all he could do was nod. They weren’t finished here. “Not an accident.” He echoed, confirming it because there was no sense in denying it anymore. As Miles walked back inside, he watched until he disappeared from sight, only breathing out heavily once he was alone. Nick didn’t know what was happening anymore, and the few moments he took to compose himself before walking back inside didn’t help provide him the clarity he hoped it would. Still, what’s done was done. And no one seemed mad, at least not outwardly, so he wasn’t going to worry about it. Walking back to the wedding, Nick thought that maybe he should go find Murphy. He was gone long enough.

Miles was fairly certain from Nick’s response that he could come back after this whole dance thing and it would be like he never even left. He was surprised that he was able to stay so collected this time, considering the last few times left him really flustered and unable to process his own thoughts. Now, though, he was walking back into the room with a smile, acting as if nothing had just happened, and he was pretty sure he played it off. He found his mom as the crowd around them cleared out and the DJ announced them and started a song Miles used to enjoy with his mom when he was a kid. He smiled at her despite what had just happened and started to lead her across the floor. When they were out of earshot of anyone else, Quinn got close to his ear to whisper that she’d known something would happen between them all along. Miles ignored that, settling on telling her simply, “Congrats on the wedding, Mom.” The rest of the dance went by quickly, with Miles enjoying the time he had with his mom. As soon as the song came to a close, he ignored the applause to hug her again, only to look up and find Greg smiling at him. The bastard said something along the lines of it being his turn now, sorry to have to steal her away, and everything about the whole exchange made Miles’ skin crawl. He ignored Greg, giving his mother a kiss on the cheek before turning around to go find Nick again. He’d had enough of Greg’s shit for one night, he decided. If he was supposed to get along with him forever now, the least Miles could go was have some fun messing with him. Spotting Nick across the room, Miles headed over to him, immediately grabbing him by the shoulder and spinning him around to face him. “I have an idea,” he said, his voice low. He didn’t know what was compelling him to act like this, but he couldn’t say he minded it.

Nick searched for Murphy for a few minutes when he got back inside, checking up with him and trying to appear like he hadn’t just made out with their mutual best friend and gotten caught by his Mother. Briefly, he saw Miles dancing with her and smiled before feeling intrusive and directing his attention to the table around him, listening to the people fawn over the dance and the wedding and how beautiful it all was. Which it was, but he couldn’t help but be annoyed with some of them, because they seemed more concerned with their opinions of the wedding than the wedding itself. Nick didn’t speak much with them for that reason. And also because part of him was terrified they may recognize each other. And he’d like to get through the rest of the day without any more embarrassing shit happening. Excusing himself from the table once more, noticing Murphy was doing fine seemed content to do his own thing, he wandered off to go find someone to talk to. He didn’t get very far, though, as a hand clasped onto his shoulder and caused him to turn around. Immediately noticing it was Miles, not to mention his tone, Nick rose an eyebrow. “What kind of idea?”

Miles thought it might be easier to just show Nick what he was thinking, rather than telling him. At least if Nick understood him and leveled with him without him even having to say it, he’d know they were both really on the same page with what they wanted. He motioned for Nick to follow him, going to the head table where Greg’s suit jacket was hung over the back of his chair. Weddings with dim lighting and drunk people made it way too easy to do something like this and not look suspicious. Miles hoped for the best as he reached his hand into one of the pockets of the coat. He was pleased to find exactly what he’d been looking for: Greg’s car keys. “Moron,” Miles muttered to himself, shaking his head at the fact Greg had left them in there, though he probably didn’t suspect anyone was going to be trying to steal them. He wordlessly held them up in front of Nick’s face, grinning at him. “Greg’s stupid ass Tahoe,” he explained, hoping Nick was getting a little bit of what he was implying. Without another word he slipped the keys into his pocket, leading Nick out the door and out toward the parking lot.

Nick didn’t understand at first, yet he was curious enough to follow him without question. When he started rifling through the pockets of jacket, he almost questioned it, opening his mouth to do just that when Miles dangled a set of keys in front of his face. It was at that moment he began to understand, or at least he was hoping he did. For a second he was quiet as they walked, but as they reached the parking lot he asked a question that was more him agreeing to this idea rather than it was genuine curiosity. “There’s no reason for him to come out to the car any time soon, is there?”

Miles took Nick’s silence as a good sign. At least he wasn’t running away or telling him off or anything. He was just going along with it. His question just made it that much clearer that this was a good idea, and Miles grinned. “Probably not. But who knows.” Not that he gave a shit either way. He’d prefer not to be interrupted, but if it were Greg, at least he could laugh about it. He searched through the parking lot, weaving through spots until he finally found Greg’s car. He tried not to think about how fast his heart was beating as he unlocked it, willing himself not to back out now, because this was what he had wanted and now it was happening. He was just nervous. He also tried not to think about how quickly he climbed into the backseat, almost tripping over himself in the process. So he was excited, sue him. He quickly realized that this wasn’t going to be easy because it wasn’t very roomy back there, but at least he’d be able to say it happened and laugh about having messed with Greg without him knowing. And making out with Nick. That was certainly a bonus.

Nick began to smile at that answer before he could help it. The initial shock was beginning to wear off and realization was finally beginning to set in. He wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but hell of he was going to deny the opportunity to find out. They’d already come this far. They’d already done things they weren’t supposed to be doing. If Miles wanted to mess around in the back of his stepdads car, Nick didn’t quite have it in him to say no. “Since you stole his keys, I’m guessing he’s going to spend some time looking for those.” If Miles wanted this, he didn’t want to be interrupted. He was hoping this was the one time they wouldn’t be. As they reached the car and Miles unlocked the doors, Nick’s heart rate began to pick up, unable to stop himself from thinking of the implications. Briefly, he glanced around the parking lot before climbing into the back with him, promptly shutting and locking the door behind him. And without hesitation, Nick grinned at him and rested his hands on his shoulders before promptly trying to push him down in order to recline in the seat, half serious and half trying to lighten things up in case things were still weird between them. “We’re not here to egg Greg’s car are we? ‘Cause I was kind of hoping we could finish what we started.”

Miles waved him off. They’d deal with that if the time came and Greg came searching him out. He had a feeling that wouldn’t happen, though. The dude was too busy being a douche inside right now. Miles almost didn’t know what to do at first, waiting as Nick locked the door, but then he was talking and simultaneously beginning to push on Miles’ shoulders, and he couldn’t help but laugh. “Shut up,” was all he could really think to say in response, because now he was blushing and was back to that place of being unable to process his thoughts. He complied with Nick’s actions, leaning back as he brought his hands up to the sides of Nick’s neck to bring their faces together and kiss him. He was already feeling stuffy in his full tux in a closed car, and it was too quiet. It wasn’t right. Miles wanted this to be perfect. He pulled back, pushing Nick away from him gently. “Hang on.” He shrugged his coat off and tossed it up in the front seat, then pulled his phone and the keys from his pants pocket. “Mood music,” he explained, only half joking. He moved up to turn the key halfway in the ignition just so he could use the aux cord. He put on the only playlist he saw fit, one he’d made with Nick full of songs they used to love — and still did. He just preferred anything over it being totally silent, even as a Backstreet Boys song began to play. He pretended not to notice as he returned to his previous position, pulling Nick down by the collar of his shirt and pressing his lips to his again.

Nick smiled slightly against his lips when Miles brought him in for a kiss; him going along with it not helping to calm his heart beat by any means. Pressing his palms flat against the seat, he held himself up and away as they kissed. For the moment he didn’t try to progress any further. Despite him pushing him down onto the seat, Nick didn’t want to rush it. When Miles pulled back his first thought was that maybe he did move too fast, leading him to lean completely back and look at him cautiously for a moment. Then Miles was taking off his jacket and throwing it onto the seat, and his doubts for the moment were squashed. At the explanation, Nick let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “Good thing you have your phone.” He said, looking on in amusement even if secretly he was a little disappointed he broke away just for that. “I’d hate to hear what music collection Greg has going on.” From what Nick saw of him, he seemed like a country guy, and he couldn’t handle that no matter how oddly worked up he was. Now was not the time to be thinking about Miles stepfather though, so Nick shook those thoughts away pretty quickly. When he finished, Nick didn’t even have time to comment on the song before Miles was dragging him back down to their previous position. He had a sneaking suspicion as to what playlist he’d put on just by the first song alone, but Nick decided he could deal with the Backstreet Boys amongst other things if that meant they could keep doing this. Nick’s hands rested themselves on Miles’ sides, fingers bunching into the fabric of his dress shirt as he deepened the kiss. Nick wasn’t sure what was stranger: kissing his best friend in said friend’s Stepfather’s car, kissing his best friend while Backstreet’s Back played softly in the background, or the fact that he still wasn’t deterred by all of the above.

Miles didn’t know what it was about this time in particular, but he was slowly becoming less afraid that Nick would want to stop this. It must’ve been the way he kissed him back so willingly, on top of the fact that they were both speaking calmly as if this were the most normal thing in the world to both of them. But Nick’s hands tugging at the fabric of his shirt had Miles once again slipping a hand through Nick’s hair, pulling on it lightly to get a different angle. Miles abandoned his lips, but only to press short kisses along his jawline and down to his neck. His free hand trailed up along Nick’s back and pulled him closer. Miles didn’t stay in that position long, though, mostly because he was already missing the feeling of Nick’s lips on his. He pulled away and noticed how dizzy he felt when he looked up at him for a moment, but in the best way possible. He connected their lips again, simultaneously trying to pull Nick closer to him by the fabric of his shirt and raising his hips without really realizing what he was doing. If there was a line, surely one of them had crossed it by now and someone would have stopped it. But Miles didn’t see this ending any time soon. He just didn’t want to think about what that meant.

Nick still had difficulty making sense of this, but he did know that he didn’t want to stop now. Not unless Miles wanted him to, something which was quickly becoming a passing worry. Nick’s self control began to slip the second he felt Miles’ hand tangle in his hair again, and instantly he angled his head in the direction he was guided. That combined with the lips on his neck and Miles’ other hand bringing him closer, Nick let out a small groan escape from the back of his throat. His own hands, which were resting on Miles’ sides, further bunched the fabric up in order to pull his shirt upwards — trying to untuck it as he looked down at his friend briefly before turning his head to let their lips meet again. Then he felt Miles’ hips move up and brush his own, and without even pausing to think about the consequences, Nick ground his own downward. It was then that he broke the kiss, hips stilling and chest heaving slightly as he moved his head. With his nose brushing against Miles’ cheek, he moved down in order to press a small kiss against Miles’ jawline before continuing to move downwards to his neck, the small pecks turning into open mouthed kisses before he could talk himself out of it. It was then that he shifted his hips again, this time slowly, hoping this wouldn’t be the moment he’d be pushed away.

Miles hadn’t expected things to go like this. Not that he was complaining by any means, but he didn’t think it would have gone past the cautious kisses they’d shared so far. Even the first time, though it seemed like things may have been headed in this general direction, there was some aspect of reluctance in every move they made. Now, it was like nothing else mattered, each of them doing things Miles never expected to do with his best friend. Miles was a little hesitant about taking his shirt off because he didn’t want Nick to see the stupid tattoo and have that ruin the moment, but he figured he could get him to forget about it; in any case, Miles got the idea. Nick’s hips moving against his own and his lips suddenly on his neck had Miles tilting his head back, sighing. "Nick.” Saying it out loud was weirdly some sort of realization for him, that this really was his best friend who was kissing him and touching him in his stepdad’s car. It was almost funny, but Miles wasn’t about to laugh. Miles pushed Nick away again, only so he could sit up a bit and loosen the tie around his neck to take it off and toss it onto the floor. He started to undo the buttons on his shirt with shaking hands, his fingers moving faster than his brain could process, and by the time he was done he was breathing heavily and wanting nothing more than to be kissing him again. He hoped that was enough to distract Nick from the notion of removing the shirt completely, because at least now his arm was still covered. Miles pulled him back into a kiss as he reached down, blindly fumbling for Nick’s belt. If he was being too forward, he definitely didn’t care. Unless Nick told him to stop. But he didn’t see that happening.

Nick wasn’t thinking about the consequences at the moment. Granted, the other times they’d kissed he hadn’t been thinking about them much then either. Still, it was different this time. It didn’t feel scary, or weird. It felt like the opposite of that. The sound of Miles sighing his name was surreal, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to hear it again. Grazing his teeth against the side of his neck before sucking lightly at the spot, Nick was pretty in the moment. It took him a second to realize he was being pushed away, but when he realized why, he was strangely okay with it. Seeing him begin to unbotton his shirt made his throat feel dry, and himself impatient because now he needed to kiss him again. Leaning back down to do just that, he slid his hands up to splay across his now bare stomach. He paid no mind to the fact that the shirt was still technically on; he just wanted to be able to touch him without a bunch of fabric in the way. Deepening the kiss right away, his nearly faltered as he felt Miles’ hands on his belt. Breath hitching in his throat, he let his hands drop to help Miles remove it. With mild difficulty considering their position, Nick finally got his belt free and let it fall to the ground where he was sure everything else would be going soon enough. Not wasting any time, he pressed his hips closer while reaching his hands out to attempt to take Miles’ own belt off at the same time. He wasn’t about to be the only one with his pants off, so to speak.

Miles couldn’t help but feel like he should be talking more. Asking if this was okay or what it meant or what exactly was about to happen. But he was afraid that would ruin everything, because if something wasn’t right Nick would stop him. He could guess where it was going by Nick’s hands moving to remove his own belt and then Miles’, so Miles wasn’t going to ask questions. He was okay with this. He couldn’t stop the moan that escaped at the feeling of Nick’s lips on his neck, but couldn’t bring himself to be embarrassed about it at this point. He looked down, feeling breathless as he helped Nick pull his belt off and toss it onto the floor. Looking back up at him, Miles mimicked Nick’s earlier action, yanking at the fabric of his shirt in an attempt to untuck it. It was a little hard to believe that he was undressing his friend in the back of a car, but Miles couldn’t have cared less about what it all meant. He brought their lips together again, lifting his hips to meet Nick’s movements, letting out a groan against his lips. His hands slid up underneath the back of his shirt, his fingers moving slowly over his skin. Miles wanted to be closer. He just wanted to touch him. His hands moved all the way up Nick’s back and down again, coming around to his stomach and traveling up over his chest. It made him impatient, pulling his hands out from under the shirt to start to work on the buttons. It was much harder than doing his own because he didn’t even break the kiss this time and his hands were still shaking a little, but he was impatient.

Nick probably should have slowed down. He should have made sure this was what Miles wanted, but every time the other man touched and kissed him back he couldn’t help but feel like it was. Miles would stop if this was too much and Nick would too. But it didn’t seem like it. If anything, it didn’t feel like enough. Miles’ moan made him feel like he was doing something right and that was enough encouragement alone to continue with trying to get his belt off. Once it was thrown to the floor, Nick noticed the way Miles looked up at him before pulling his shirt off. He got the idea, but made no move to unbutton, instead swooping back down for another kiss. Before he knew it, Miles’ hands were under his shirt and touching his skin and suddenly it felt like he was burning up. Every touch sent a familiar pleasant sensation surging through his body, so when he felt Miles begin to fumble with his buttons, Nick set to work to help him undo them all before shrugging it to the floor with the rest of their things. With Nick’s lips never leaving Miles’, his hands rested on the others bare torso. Slowly, he ran his hands downward, nails only grazing against his skin lightly before they reached the top of Miles’ pants. For a moment he simply kept his hands resting atop his hips, thumbs pressing into the skin gently as they kissed. After a moment of gaining his courage, though, Nick let the fingertips of his right hand graze against the button of the slacks. It was then that Nick broke the kiss — only to look at him, gaze darkened and chest heaving due to the fact they couldn’t seem to tear their lips away from each other. “Can I?” While before he didn’t have to ask, it was different now. Because after this there would be no turning back.

Miles had to take a moment once Nick’s shirt was off, stopping to look at him and take in the full reality of the situation. This was happening. It was still surreal, forgetting everything else around him. He drowned out the dumb music, ignored the fact he was at his mother’s wedding, didn’t think about the car they were in — all that mattered was Nick and wanting to be close to him. He hoped he didn’t seem creepy when he finally stopped staring at him, turning his focus back to kissing him. He couldn’t help but feel a little nervous as Nick’s hands moved downward. Miles knew where this was going. And honestly, it had been a while since he’d done any of this, and the fact that it was Nick made it even more nerve-racking. He wanted it, though. More than that, he wanted Nick. And he trusted him more than anything. When Nick broke away and asked him the question, all Miles could do was look at him for a moment. His mouth was dry and his heart was pounding in his chest, but he found himself nodding quickly. And he meant it. He wrapped his arms around Nick’s neck, pulling him in to kiss him once again, excitement now surging through him. This was real now. They couldn’t take this back.

Nick looked back at him for a moment, knowing the gaze wasn’t out of hesitation just by looking at him. He never thought he’d have his best friend underneath him, or anywhere near him like this. He couldn’t seem to find one complaint about it at the moment, though. Nick had stopped thinking about the consequences and where they were at and who they were at this point. Seeing Miles nod rapidly in agreement helped see to that, and Nick pressed their lips together again as his hands slowly began to unbutton his pants. Brushing a hand downwards, he sought out Miles’ zipper in order to inch it downwards and then tug his pants down in the same direction, his mouth still working against his as he did so.

Miles felt his breath hitch in his throat as Nick’s hands traveled further down, even if he knew it was coming. Soon enough he was lying there under him without pants and his face and neck immediately felt hot. Not because he was embarrassed or anything, but he couldn’t help being a little nervous. It was all so new to him. He wasn’t used to this, being with Nick in this way…or any other guy for that matter, at least not to this extent. He certainly never expected the first to be Nick. But he wasn’t going to tell him that. It wasn’t a big deal, it just made it all newer for him. Miles let his eyes close, taking a deep breath. This wasn’t at all how he had expected the night to go, but with the direction they were headed right now, he was pretty sure that it was about to be a lot better than he’d ever thought possible.

Nick got lost in what was happening. As they continued on, touching each other and never once stopping out of hesitation or regret, Nick didn’t even pay any mind to the soundtrack that played distantly in the background. In the back of his mind, he could hear the faint rhythm of some New Kids On the Block song that hardly seemed important at that moment. And before he knew it, everything they’d started was over. Now it boiled down to this: them awkwardly and silently pulling their clothes on in the back of Miles’ stepfather’s car while undoubtedly going over what had just occurred in their minds. While the music was barely recognizable earlier, it was all Nick could hear now. It still didn’t drown out the awkwardness, though. If he allowed himself to think too long about it, Nick would realize how sad this all was. While they were open earlier, now the two wouldn’t even look at each other. Quietly, Nick finished getting himself together after clumsily reaching down to retrieve their fallen articles of clothing and setting them on the seat between them, as though that would provide more of a barrier between them that seemed unnecessary now. When he was decent enough, and he could see out of the corner of his eye that Miles was too, Nick set to open the car door to head back inside. There was no reason to stay in the car anymore.

Miles felt like none of what had just happened could have possibly been real. When he caught his breath and looked around, realizing the extent of the situation, he figured out that the pure bliss he’d been feeling not a minute earlier couldn’t last forever. He suddenly felt too exposed, too vulnerable, while he’d felt comfortable a little while ago. He was a mess, the car was now a mess — the whole situation was just a huge mess. Miles didn’t know how they were going to proceed after this. They silently got dressed, Miles doing his best to ignore the now-too-loud music playing, especially since it was a stupid New Kids On the Block song he would never hear the same way again. Before he knew it, Nick was turning away from him, getting ready to leave. “Wait,” Miles blurted, reaching a hand out to touch Nick’s shoulder and stop him. It was like he’d been burned, considering how quickly he pulled his hand away almost as soon as he touched him. Miles had so many questions. There were so many things he wanted to say. But looking at Nick now, he didn’t want to say any of it. “Never mind.” He leaned up to the front to retrieve his phone and turn off the car. Now all he could think was what the fuck that was and where they were supposed to go from here. But now he’d just have to start by going back inside.

Nick froze as Miles reached out to grasp his shoulder, and it took him a minute to look back towards him. Silently, he looked at him expectedly. But then Miles’ changed his mind, dropping his hand and taking it back. The slight worry changed to confusion, but he didn’t question him on it. Instead Nick just nodded. “Okay.” He finally spoke, nodding again to himself before they both finally stepped out of the car and head inside. The reception was probably nearly over by now, anyway.

#PRE CANON #you got the right stuff #niles lite version

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hanasinbloom · 7 years

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[SakuMahi] Married AU - Prologue

So, I was really really wanting to write this out as an actual fic for the longest time. I finally started it! Warning though, it’s pretty damn long ahaha.

As the title says, this is just the prologue to a longer fic that I’m going to be working on. It is the beginning to the Married AU that myself, @crazyanime3 , and @wonderfulchaos69 have been working on. I know this seems like a strange place to start, but I really wanted to show their bond as friends before moving into any of the romantic stuff.

I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

It wasn’t that he had never seen it before. It was more along the lines of him denying it to the very end. But denial can only take you so far. Once Sakuya realized that and actually came to terms with his own feelings, all that was left was actually attempting to convey them to the person who held onto his heart by the strings. His best friend since his high school years, Mahiru Shirota, was blissfully unaware of his innate ability to make Sakuya swoon with a single glance in his direction. His bright, chestnut eyes that made him weak in the knees. His glistening grin that caused Sakuya’s heart to leap from his chest.

Sakuya had attempted on multiple occasions to hint at his infatuation, hoping that the younger male would pick up what he was not-so-subtly throwing down. But alas, they stood beside each other in the line of a crowded shopping mall, picking up some groceries and supplies that Mahiru needed for his apartment. He scoffed at his own thoughts, realizing that he may be doomed to the friendzone forever if things continued in this direction.

“Sakuya…?” came a voice from in front of him, snapping him back to reality. Mahiru, with an open palm waving in front of Sakuya’s face, stepped back after seeing the shocked look he was displaying. “Ah, sorry! I didn’t mean to frighten you…”

“S’okay,” Sakuya muttered in response, “It’s my fault. What’s up?”

“Well, it’s our turn to pay,” Mahiru paused, “and you are still holding the milk carton.”

He only let out a sigh and a small “oh” for a reply. With a distant expression, the carton was placed on the conveyer belt. Mahiru seemed to take that as satisfactory because he did not offer any follow up reply and continued to pay for the items. Sakuya’s hands made their way into his pockets, like usual, as his mind began to amble off again. It wasn’t long before his attention was pulled away from his thoughts once more, only this time, his vision was met with concerned eyes and drooping shoulders.

Mahiru spoke up once he had his friend’s undivided attention. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or not?”

“Hm? What do ya mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean, Sakuya. You’ve barely said a word this entire trip.”

Sakuya scrunched his face for a second, hesitant to humor the request. He decided against it by putting on a grin and waving his hand in a dismissing manner. “It’s nothing, really. There isn’t really much to say when running errands,” he chuckled in hopes that Mahiru would leave the issue alone.

He should’ve known that wouldn’t be the case. “Are you bored? I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have dragged you along with me.”

“No, no! I don’t mind coming along! It’s just that there isn’t much to talk about right now?” he shrugged, “I dunno how to convey to you that nothing’s up!”

He lied.

He’d been struggling with his feelings for quite a while. Pretty much since they graduated, it’s been a hellfire of internal battles every time the two of them hung out together. Even when they weren’t physically next to one another, Sakuya debated back and forth on if he should send a quick text or call for a short chat, just to see how things were doing. But he could never bring himself to do it. He had decided day after day that he would confess, but each time, there was a new excuse or something else that he had to do that conveniently interrupted or stood in the way of their time together. For almost 6 years now, Sakuya struggled. Even at 23 years old, he felt like a child who wanted nothing more than to ask the cute girl in his class to sit with him at lunchtime. However, there was a full understanding of the position he stood; and it was one in which he would never move forward from the place he currently occupied.

He was a coward at best.

The two sat in the car, all the bags from their shopping trip placed neatly in the back seat. Mahiru turned up the radio before scanning the area behind him to make sure it was safe to back out. Sakuya stared out the window, his cheek resting uncomfortably in his palm. He had noticed how distant he had been recently as well, but it all was so unconscious. He had a million things to say, but every one of them shied away each time he opened his mouth. A barrage of emotions was waiting to be set free, and yet, they were held tightly by reins that only Sakuya’s pride could control.

Breaking the awkward atmosphere as they pulled into the driveway of Sakuya’s apartment, Mahiru turned down the music. With a deep sigh, he spoke, “Look. If you are angry with me or anything, you can always tell me.” He shushed Sakuya’s instant protests before continuing, “I won’t press you to talk to me, but I just want to make sure that I am 100% clear. You can’t fool me. I know you too well. But I also don’t want you to feel forced to tell me what’s going on with you.”

Sakuya nodded, “Yeah… I understand…Don’t worry though, I’m not mad at you.”

“Alright,” Mahiru smiled. “Then, I’ll see you later. And if you ever want to chat, let me know.”

“Gotcha.”

Sakuya smiled as well as he stood out of the car and shut the door. Walking up to his apartment, he could still hear the low rumbling of Mahiru’s car behind him. ‘Just like always…’ he thought with a scoff.

The next morning was brutally hot, as to be expected from the beginning of summertime. He shoved the blankets off and slid his legs limply over the side of the bed. Picking up his phone, he noticed that there was a text from Mahiru waiting for him.

[Good morning! We should go out later today! Let me know when you are free!]

A grin spread on his lips within seconds. It wasn’t the first time he had received a good morning message from him, but today, he just felt good. He couldn’t explain it if he tried, but there was a tingling feeling in his gut when he read it. Not a single second was wasted before another message was sent in return.

[Sounds good. Got any ideas?]

Within a minute or two, the screen lit up.

[Oh, good! You’re awake! I have a few ideas on things to do, but I’m not going to tell you. Meet me over at my place whenever you are ready, okay?]

‘A surprise? So spontaneous,’ he thought to himself. ‘So unlike him…’ His imagination began to wander in a manner that made him blush. But he had to push such fantasies out of his mind for the time being if he was going to be going out. He couldn’t risk the thoughts following him and messing things up for the day.

[Got it]

He was ready to leave within a the hour, but he didn’t want to seem too eager. Sakuya waited until a few hours after their short conversation before sending another text to let his best friend know that he was on his way. The car ride was silent, while Sakuya battled with his own imagination, wondering what in God’s name Mahiru could be planning.

When he arrived, he knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer. He could hear bickering on the other side in which Mahiru was yelling at his roommate to get the door and the other complaining about how much work it was to get off the couch. The door opened slowly with a click and he met eyes with a tall man with lanky arms that hung at his sides. Light blue bangs draped over his eyes like curtains. Piercing blue eyes darted daggers at him from behind thin locks of hair.

“What the hell are you looking at me like that for?” Sakuya barked.

“You’re the reason I had to pause my game? Sheesh, seems like a wasted effort…” the man looked towards the floor and then turned to walk back to his previous spot on the couch, where there was an indention of his body waiting for him to return.

“Kuro! Can you actually make yourself useful for once and turn that stupid game off!”

Sakuya let himself in, hearing Mahiru’s irritated rambling from the other room down the hall.

“What? I opened the door… That was something useful, wasnt it?” Kuro questioned, not even bothering to look up from the handheld game.

“How’d Mahiru end up with such a lazy good-for-nothing roommate like you?” Sakuya spat.

As if on cue, Mahiru stepped out from the hallway, patting his shirt clean of any remaining dust that could have escaped from the apron he had discarded. “Don’t mind him,” he sent a glare over his shoulder, “Are you ready to head out?”

“Yeah, I guess. I wasn’t sure where we were going, so I dressed casually…” Sakuya said with minor pauses between his words, unsure of how Mahiru would respond.

The brunette laughed a little hearing that, but assured him that it was fine.”We aren’t going anywhere fancy or anything, so I’m sure you’ll be fine in that.” He stopped for a moment and pointed to the fuchsia jacket hanging around Sakuya’s hips. “You might want to leave that in the car, though. It’s a little too warm for a jacket.”

“Oh, yeah. I just wasn’t sure if we’d be out late.”

“Not sure. I guess we’ll see how this all plays out,” Mahiru chuckled as he stepped past Sakuya towards the front door. “Okay, Kuro, I’m heading out. Please get something productive done today…”

“Yes Mom,” was the only response he received as they shut the door and headed to Mahiru’s car, leaving Sakuya’s parked in the guest parking space that he had pretty much claimed at this point.

“So! Off we go!” Mahiru grinned, shifting into reverse before backing out into the main street.

“Yeah, are you gonna tell me where yet?”

Mahiru tapped a slim finger against his chin in a condescending manner with a smirk on his face, “Hm… Well let’s see… It’s not like you can escape now that we are in a moving vehicle.”

“Hey! I could jump out if I wanted to!” Sakuya laughed.

“Yeah, sure,” Mahiru responded with a slight snicker. “Anyways, I felt bad about yesterday. You seemed really bored by just running errands. So I figured we could go and do something fun.”

“You didn’t have to do that, y’know,” Sakuya replied in surprise. “I really don’t mind helping you do shopping and stuff.”

Mahiru paused, “I know you don’t mind. I guess you can think of this as a type of thanks then? For always being so willing to help out.”

Sakuya scoffed. ‘You know better than to thank me for something so meaningless,’ was all that crossed his mind. But he wouldn’t dare say such a thing.

When they arrived at their destination, Sakuya was genuinely surprised at Mahiru’s choice. They pulled up to a larger building with a sandwich board sign out front labeled with the drink specials and however much of a discount they were offering at the time. Music poured out into the parking lot, despite there not being many windows other than on the storefront. They could hear snippets of people singing, some bad and some worse than bad. But of course, that was to be expected from a well-known karaoke bar.

“Karaoke, huh? Since when are you into this sort of thing?�� Sakuya leaned against the door of the car while he waited for his friend to join him.

“Come on, you say that like I’m boring.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean that. I just mean that you don’t know how to have fun.” he mocked, poking the brunette’s cheek, earning himself a licht whack to the back of the head.

“Rude!”

“Sorry, sorry.”

The atmosphere inside the room was different than they’d thought based solely on the outside’s gritty appearance. It was hard to tell that they were even in the same place. When they entered, they were met with warm, dull lighting that made the room appear to be much smaller and more intimate than the outside had led them to believe. To their surprise, the room was more lively than expected to be in the middle of the day. Although most of the bars and clubs that were around didn’t even open until the evening, so it was understandable why so many congregated here during the daytime.

“It’s pushing 4 right now; definitely too early to drink,” Mahiru said, taking a seat on one of the stools, gesturing for Sakuya to sit on the one beside him. “But we can sing and have some food first, and then maybe some drinks later on.”

Sakuya scanned the room, smiling. He hadn’t been to a karaoke place in what felt like forever, although in actuality, it had only been maybe a year or so. The attendant that approached them was a young woman, maybe a few years older than he was, but maybe not. She offered to take their order whenever they were ready and they thanked her. The two of them talked about mundane things, sort of just jabbering on about their daily lives. Sakuya told Mahiru how work at the music store had been recently and Mahiru, about his endless list of house chores that he had been determined to finish before the brunt of summer weather hits. They told stories over some appetizers while various guests of the bar sang their hearts out. A good time like this was exactly was Sakuya had been missing out on, and he was unbelievably happy that he could be sharing it with the person he held dearest to him, whether he knew it or not.

“Hey, Sakuya, let’s sing something together!” Mahiru offered, taking a sip of the light cocktail he’d ordered not long before.

“Sure, what do you want to sing?” Sakuya asked, reaching for the song list while pushing away his half-empty martini.

The younger man stood from his seat and stretched. “It doesn’t matter to me. You can pick. Something simple.”

“Of course.”

Sakuya searched through the extensive list for an idea on what they could possibly sing together. They didn’t really have similar tastes in music, but they were usually willing to stand for the other’s choice, regardless. Finally, he decided on an upbeat song that was fairly popular, so they were sure to both know it well enough.

“This one is fine,” he said, showing the small booklet to the attendant, who was controlling the music for the main room from behind the bar. She agreed with a bright smile that it was a popular choice for couples to sing, in which he sputtered a bit that they weren’t together. Thankfully, Mahiru was already taking hold of the microphones and too far away to have heard the comment.

The music began slowly and softly. Sakuya began singing to the melody alone. All eyes were on him in this moment, including Mahiru’s.

He’d never realized just how great of a singer Sakuya was.

When the pace picked up, Mahiru joined in, shining under the lights in just a way that made Sakuya’s heart flutter. Without thinking, he reached for Mahiru’s hand, pulling him closer to dance while they sung the words. The crowd sung along with them, but it was all blocked out by the beat of the music and their hearts pumping in the heat of the moment. The alcohol, beginning to sink in, only fueled Sakuya’s energy as he spun Mahiru around. They laughed together, singing and dancing in front of a group of strangers that they had already forgotten exist. Time was put on hold and Sakuya was going to enjoy it to the fullest before his moment was finished.

The song reached its end and the crowd settled back into their own business, leaving a panting Mahiru and an adrenaline fueled Sakuya standing face to face, only inches from each other. Sakuya’s hand had landed along the small of Mahiru’s back, holding him closely against his heaving chest. Mahiru’s golden brown eyes stared directly into his auburn ones, piercing through him as every second passed. He gulped a little, not ever wanting to leave this moment. His mind raged on and on that this was a dangerous situation, but he didn’t want to listen. Over and over again, he would hear himself screaming to let go and back away. But he couldn’t move. His legs were frozen, paralyzed.

“Mahiru…” Sakuya began, leaning in closer, the alcohol still lingering on his breath. “I… I’ve always… lo-”

“Um, excuse me?” came a foreign voice from beside the two of them, a young man. He stood, looking down at his feet, unsure what to make of the awkward situation he just put himself in. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but we need the microphones back.”

“O-Oh,” Mahiru backed away, quickly handing off the microphone in his hand while Sakuya followed suit, a blushing mess.

The young man thanked them and took the mics back to the bar for the next guests to use. When they noticed the time, it was already pushing midnight and Sakuya insisted that he had to work the next day. Mahiru nodded in agreement. They paid for their food and drinks before ambling out the door. When they reached the car, Mahiru suggested that he take Sakuya home and he could pick up his car the next day.

“Are you okay to drive?” Sakuya asked the brunette.

“Yeah, I only had half of a cocktail. That’s not enough to do anything to me,” was the response.

“‘Kay, good…”

They chatted aimlessly on the way home. Sakuya was already half asleep by the time they made it to the apartment. They both got out of the car, so Mahiru could walk Sakuya to the door.

“Get some rest tonight, Sakuya,” Mahiru smiled, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I hope you had fun. I sure did!”

Sakuya yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Yeah, I did. It had been a while since I’d had a good time. So thanks…”

When they made it to the front door, they said their goodbyes and good nights, giving a fist bump before turning to go their separate ways. Before Sakuya made it fully inside, he heard his name from behind. He glanced over his shoulder to see Mahiru facing him, an expression that appeared to be a combination of confusion and a pout on his face. The younger man’s mouth scrunched in a way that Sakuya hadn’t seen before.

“What’s up, Mahiru? Forget somethi–”

“I-I’ve always loved you too!”

The pause was longer than he had intended, but it took some extra time for Sakuya to process what he had just heard. He hadn’t just heard Mahiru say he loved him, did he? It had to be his imagination playing tricks on him.

“Uh… what?” was all he could muster.

“Y-You… That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?” The look of panic was now clearly visible on Mahiru’s face. “W-When we were at the bar… You started to say that you l-loved me, didn’t you?”

Now that his attention had been peaked, Sakuya turned around and took a couple steps closer. “How… I mean… Well…” he stumbled over his words. He couldn’t think clearly. This was certainly not how he envisioned his confession. And he definitely did not expect Mahiru to be the one to confess first. He didn’t even think Mahiru felt the same way. “Yes. I have always loved you, Mahiru…”

There it was. It was out. Finally. Finally. He said it. And he wasn’t getting shot down. This feeling was something he could only describe as bliss.

“You have?” Mahiru asked, clearly embarrassed now that his feelings were out in the open.

“Yeah… Since high school…”

Sakuya took another step forward, so they were now within arm’s reach. He pulled Mahiru into a hug, his fingers gripping the back of the brunette’s shirt, never wanting to let go. He could feel himself being held just as tightly.

“Mahiru… Would you like to go out with me again soon?”

“Of course… I’d love to.”

“Mahiru?”

“Yes, Sakuya?”

“Does this mean that we are dating now?”

“Yes, Sakuya.”

And with that, they separated, said their goodbyes once again, and then parted, each to their own apartments. Sakuya went inside, grinning from ear to ear. He bounced up the stairs and flopped down on the bed, awaiting sleep to pull him into wonderful dreams replaying the night he’d just had. And he just couldn’t wait to text his boyfriend in the morning.

END PROLOGUE

#sakumahi #sakuya watanuki #mahiru shirota #sakuya x mahiru #servamp #fanfiction #inofujiwara #ino fujiwara #crazyanime3 #wonderfulchaos69 #married au #sakumahi married au

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 6 years

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Holiii!! I saw the pic of Liam and Honey😍😍😍 Asdfahs. They are so cute! And also, i love Liam's eyes. It'a such a nice colour!! And i also saw the gifs!! I love that gif of Louis. HE LOOKS SO SOFT. I could cry. And Harry😂😂😂 Its such a mood. I always flip people off like that. Jajajaja. AND THE GIF OF HARRY WITH THE PINK JACKET. 😍He is dancing funny and i love hiiim. Oh, and i havent read that fic but i'll read it asap and then i'll tell you about it. Promise. Thanks for the rec💖 (1)

Hiiii, Love!!!! I’m so sorry it took me so long to answer! but yesterday I was busy, and when I came home my head hurt like a b*tch, 😖😖. Liam’s eyes very pretty, aren’t they? Everyone likes him better (poor honey). I always flip people like that too, jajaja, that’s why I needed a gif, and I found the best, jajajaja. I couldn’t resist. I’m already rereading that fic,😅. I love re reading things I read a long while ago, bc my English has improved a bit since I came to tumblr, and it’s like reading things for the first time again, so cool.

It wasnt hard being updated bcs OT was everywhere, but yeah. I always try to engage in my friend’s hobbies. & some of them do the same. One of my friends used to be a 1D fan before i met her, and though she is not longer in the fandom she tries to be updated. She sends me memes or things that remind her of 1d. She even watched a video of BG without me knowing/telling her about it. I dont deserver her. Ay, and last week she watched freddieismyqueen videos with me on a free period. I 💖 her (2)

HOW DID YOU FRIEND MANAGE TO QUITE?!?!?! Jajajajaja It feels imposible (not that I have tried…). And she sees things and isn’t intrigued about what is happening?? She should write a self help book,jajajaja. “How to suite one direction: the guide”,jajajaja. But she sounds cool and supportive of you, so keep her, jejeje.

Well, you just described me. Talking in public always end up in one of those two options. I have always wanted to do a road trip!!! You are totally invited of course. JAJAJAJA. Well, it just…happened? Our friend was having a very bad time and he was going through a lot of things and we didnt know how to cheer him up. And then one night we just starting watching a video of AuronPlay reading a fic, and he was happy for the first time in months. (3)And so my cousin said “what if we write him a fic?” And i said “omg, yes”. And thus was born. Its a crack fic. We just put in there his family, his biggest celebrity crush, our friends, ourselves and a couple of animals and started writing nonesense. He hasnt read anything yet, bcs we want to finish it first, and me and my cousin (and our siblings, bcs they wanted to help) only hang out alone sporadically. But we laugh a lot writing it. I hope he laughs too when he finally reads it. (4)

You, your sister and your cousins sound so cool. And your friends too. I’m gonna have to migrate and adopt you all, jajajaj. I’m sure your friend is gonna love it. It’s a recipe for success. Keep me updated when you show him and his reaction,please!!

“How does a gay look like?” Like someone with no toxic masculinity. But i see your point. Judging on looks is not cool. (And i dont usually do it. I watched their behaviour or their words. When someone doesnt ever use gender pronouns and just say “they” “parter” “somebody” im just👀👀👀 i see what u are doing). Yes yes. What you said makes sense. I understood. Dont worry. I have never heard that quote, but i think i could marry whoever wrote this. So much truth!! 😱 (6)

Tbh I never payed attention to that, :/ (heteronormative mind and all that). If I had, maybe I had known about a lot of my high school friends’ sexuality. Looking back, we were just a group of friends, boys a girls, nobody cared about boyfriends/girlfriends (we were friends from 12-16). Then we went our separate ways, and we lost touch. And now I see in Facebook that they are gays and lesbians, and I’m like… :/ we didn’t know much about those things back then. And I hope I didn’t make any comments who could offend/affect them. But it makes me so happy to see them being themselves and living with they’re boyfriends and girlfriends… 😊 I just wish I could have been a better friend back then 🤷🏻‍♀️. But now I pay attention to that. And I always try to show support in a non invasive way. And try to educate people about who they’re been homophobic, or make not appropriate comments… like there’s this boy (around 16) that likes to paint his nails. And I love everything to do with nails. And, at the shop, I comment on people’s nails (if I know them enough, lol). And I always try to say something nice to this guy. To normalize the fact that he has his nails painted (and no make a statement that I approve of it, if someone else is listening, so they don’t make rude comments around me). And then my friend’s sister is Lesbian. But their mother is so ancient-minded… like, my friend has a dit of fat, and she’s always making comment about how she should be skinnier bc she won’t ever find a husband 😒. And her sister is very thin. And once, she was working as cleaner in a /cuartel de la guardia civil(?)/. And their mother was always: hmmm, I hope she finds a good guy there, bc she’s never had a boyfriend. And I always thought: I wonder why, lol. Well, she finally came out to her parents, and while they don’t treat her different (which I don’t know if it’s good or no), they’re like “waiting” she changes her mind. And hoping she finds a boyfriend. Anyway, her mother is friends with my mom, and she comes to visit at the shop sometimes, and she always has a comment to make about what people do or don’t do. And I get so angry 😡. I’m always correcting her. But she doesn’t listen. And I feel sorry for my friend and her sister. So whenever I have the chance I saw her my support, and always talk about these things, lol. (I talk so much about lgbt+ things, that my family associates me with it, to the point that every time they see a rainbow or whatever they tell me: look look! And I just satisfied with it. At least they don’t make so much homophobic comments anymore 😒)

YOUR MOM IS AN ANTI? How? “Why would they fake a baby?” Thats a good question with awful answers. I miss RBB&SBB.😍 (I havent explained that to anybody, yet. But once while playing a game my cousins choose Rbb as his nickname so i choose Sbb and our friends started making questions and we where like? 1d things? Long story, leave it for another day? I’m glad they dont remember it bcs i wouldnt know how to explain that😂😂). Was your friend a fan of 1d too? (7)

Well, she isn’t a nasty anti, jajajja, but she doesn’t think they’re together. Not for nothing special, just that she thinks they would say it if they were together. And since they haven’t say it, they aren’t together. But I’ve shown her the famous Christmas pic, and she doesn’t Thing B was ever pregnant. And I show her pics of F to ask for an outsider opinion, and she doesn’t think the kid looks like Louis at all, lmao. So, I think if they ever come out, she wouldn’t care at all. Bahhh, I’ve talked about RBB/SBB with my friend sometimes, but it’s so bad of a thing, that we don’t come to a conclusion. She isn’t a fans, sadly. But she likes celeb gossip, and I like to talk, so… yesterday she came to visit/ to get her arms waxed (bc that’s my other unofficial job) and she ended up staying for 2 hours. Bc we had see each other briefly lately, couldn’t sit and talk properly in a while. And she always asks me about 1d, bc she knows I love to talk about it,jajaja. And I have a sideblog where I reblog things to show her. And well, yesterday we talked a little about BG, and I showed her the no-belly pic, and she was… 😳. And she thinks louis and Harry must be together, at least at some point, bc the way the touched wasn’t in a friendly way. She now has a boyfriend, and she kept saying: I’m not a very touchy person with my friends or my family, but when I’m with him I always want to touch him or kiss him, and that’s what those two were always doing. And I’m always: do you think that for real, or are you just saying it so I stop talking?? Jajjaja. And yes, she’s convinced they are/were together. She asked me if I think they’re still together, and I told her that now more than ever, but it’s a long story, so we should talk about it another time, bc lol, we were just talking about it for a couple of hours, and we both had things to do. So, we’ll keep talking another time.

Of course, I dont share that info with everybody, but I dont mind my friends knowing. I have this one friend that i bother everytime i get frustated bcs of a fic. I tell him the plot, and what is happening and i cry about it (and he laughs at me but at least he listens). Sometimes i make him choose which one should i read next when i cant decide. (9)

I almost did a fic reference yesterday talking with my friend, and I stopped myself midsentece, and laughed (I thought of you,jajaj) and she was so confused!! But she’s used to my weirdness, so we just laughed it way. And I kept talking, jajajajaj.

Girl, i have 6 dioptres😂😂 Thats what i have forbid myself from reading on the phone. No, i havent read that one, but its now on the list. I’ll tell you when i do! Though it make take a while :( (I understand you. Dont worry). (10)

😳 6?!!?! Please take care of your eyes!!! Stop reading… everything!! Jajaja. No, I’m kidding. I know about people who has 8… so you’re still ok,jajajaj. I have 1, but my ophthalmologist told me I’m very sensitive to change, bc I thought I had 27463 diopters, bc I saw so poorly 🙄🙄.

Yes, i also like IDGAF more than New Rules. They have overplayed that one. Have you heard Blow Your Mind? I love that one. It’s also a single so…i guess you have heard it? You’ll get amazing shots, i’m sure. Honey was sleeping on you? 😭😭😭😭 I love hiiim (11)

I listened today Room for 2 and Homesick, and I think I like them. I’ll have to listen this new one two. For me, to like a song, I have to heard /a lot/ (not as much as Despacito, please). It has to have a catchy tune. That’s why I think a like Carolina, or Woman, or Kiwi, and I don’t understand why people is so fidyfvbure about the lyrics, jajjaja.Honey is always sleeping on me. The other day Liam was sleeping between my legs, and Honey came and just laid on top of my poor limo. And I wanted to kill him, bc liam never comes to sleep with me. They’re so different… but I love them both.

Oh, my little sister. I just wanted to tell you that yesterday was her birthday. She almost cried when she saw that me and my older sister had brought her Flicker deluxe as a present. (We hadnt bought it yet. Dont judge us). She was freaking out just bcs of that and i was laughing so hard thinking that she’s gonna pass out when she sees the rainbow flag her friends have gotten her for Nialls show. And also another pair of Cds. She wont survive the show. Poor thing. But she was so happy 😍😍 (12)You start next week? Okay. I’ll ask again next wednseday. Have a nice daaaay!!

Not judging, you’re amazing sisters!! Awww, poor thing!! She will have an amazing time at Niall’s concert, for sure. And, yes, please, tell her to bring the flag. I’m so happy seeing how people are starting to bring rainbow flags to niall concerts too. And have you seeing that he has taken pics with rainbow flags?? He even brought one to the stage the other day!! It makes me inexplicably happy to say everything covered in rainbows. There was so much at Harry’s show too, my sister said it looked like a pride parade. Hey, Dunkirk it’s about to start khbkhdfbvkjdnfvkjndfv. But, have YOU SEEING THE NEW ROYAL BABY WAS NAMED AFTER LOUIS?????? AND HIS TWEET?!?!? IM SCREAMED!!!! Dijffvjkbdded. Bye love. I have to feed my cats before the movie starts!!! Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

#anon #I just saw ask 5 is missing??#kjdjeidobcioedcboie.#sorry #Dunkirk is about to start and I’m sihdbkddhvhbjefv #EDIT: anon!! I forgot to ask you if you’re the middle sister?? me too!! I have so much to say of how that position influence people's #personality #jajajajajaa #and I can related to Harry and Louis too #🤦🏻‍♀️

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furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog · 6 years

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Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

"Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

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I am 20 and accidentally ran a stop sign today and got pulled over. I am in FL and the ticket is 166$. I am under my parents insurance and was using my dads car. I was planning on paying it rather than doing traffic school or trying to fight it, i'd rather just get it over with and pay the dang thing. But, my question is will it show up on there insurance that 'someone got a ticket on this day for this price and this reason and raise their insurance even if I pay it off? Reeeally don't want them to find out! Also, how to pay it?""

""Looking for cheap car insurance,small car,mature driver? any recommendations?""

Looking for cheap car insurance,small car,mature driver? any recommendations?""

Whats the best and the cheapest insurance for a 20 year old?

im in las vegas but, can anyone help on how to obtain cheap insurance or whats a way to get cheap insurance even if its by getting on my mothers insurance""

How much roughly would moped insurance cost for a 16 year old?

Life insurance at 25 years of age.?

I am twenty five and would like to put my mom in life insurance. Is this possible and what would I have to do to put her in life insurance?

Am I being cheated by the car insurance company?

I was on a bike and I accidentally hit someone's car and broke the back windshield. Nothing else on the car is damaged except windshield. Later the car owner's car insurance company (state farm) send me a payment of $1700, and they have a subrogation service (Afni) to collect payment. First of all, I believe it DOES NOT cost $1700 to replace a back windshield, like I mentioned, nothing else was damage except the windshield on the back. How is this amount calculated? The subrogation service has been pressuring me to pay the amount. I will pay for the damage but I don't believe I have to pay this much. Could this be the owner of the car falsify the claim? What should I do? I don't have car insurance, I was on my bike. It was a total accident.""

Cheap health insurance?

what is the cheapest health insurance in california? i am male 22, i do not smoke..""

Should I put my car insurance under my name or my dad's name?

I'm 22 years old male, clean driving record, my dad just give me his 97 Lexus ES300, and we own the car together, so both his and my name are on the car registration. The ...show more""

Whats the best cheapest insurance in fresno?

i just had my first speeding ticket, im 20 going to school n working n i am going to finance a 2011 cruze LT, i want a good but affordable insurance, any suggestions?""

How much does your insurance go up after a DUI?

Also does old insurance let you back on or they kick you out? I think I was kicked off my dad's insurance... Is there a company I should look at that wouldn't be as expensive as others would since I have a DUI on my record? I'm a 21 yr old female from NJ

Do you need insurance for permit in ca?

I am going to get my provisional driver license in california. Do i need to get it before i take the drive test? aM i covered under parents policy? How long do i have to have my insurance before im eligible to get my driver license?

What sort of car/van insurance can i get?

I have my own business and use a van and i also have 1 employee who uses another van so i need to insure both of these but i also want to get a car to use maybe once or twice a week to meet clients etc, i havent decided on what car to get yet but i am looking at something sporty, ie a bmw m3 or something similar, is there a business policy which i could take out to cover all this? i would prefer to find one similar to motor trade where i and my employee can be insured to drive anything and i pay a set cost each year,any advice will be great, thanks""

What is the cheapest car insurance company?

I got car insurance and it allows me to drive other peoples cars on my insurance?

if i were to buy another car, 2nd car will i be able to drive that without registering to any insruance company? i wont be selling my 1st car, it will still have the insruance, and the insruance it has allows me to drive other cars, but im not sure if the other cars also need insurance from a company""

Health insurance deductible?

Okay, so I don't fully understand how insurance works and I can't seem to get an answer to my question. My health insurance deductible, do I get it back? As in after exhausting it through appointments/hospital visits/ect. Do my monthly payments go back towards that? Is it gone for good? I haven't even been able to get someone from the company on the phone to answer me!! Please help. Thank you!""

Is lowering ur car high for insurance?

So I'm in a situation with my dad in buying a car which is my first car. It's an 96 integra. First ima start off saying I'm interested in import cars just the way it looks. And I find this car on Craigslist that's already been lowered. I'm Tryna convince him about it. But he thinks its gunna be high insurance. Can someone tell me what he's worried about? He thinks I like low cars so I could hug turns but I just like the style. Someone help me!!!!

What is the best health insurance in california?

sould i go with the one that has deductible, and what it turns out that i have a cancer , m'i gonna be covered. i've been having this buzzing ear ( left) for few months and now i get dizzy when i look up and i started to feel oressure in my head and light headache. my emplyer's insurance start in 2 months and i need to be checked now, and i don't qualifie for medi cal any suggestion , advice?? thanks""

Teen Female vs. Male Insurance Rates?

is it true that if youre a male teen, your car insurance rates are higher than a teen female's rates? are there websites to back that up? thanks!""

Does full coverage car insurance cover a car that just dies?

I have full coverage car insurance on my car (for legal/employment reasons), comprehensive, collision, PPI, theft, vandalism, rental, etc. Yeah, its an 99 Accord. What I never asked, and now want to know, is if it just dies (cus its about that time that if it did I wouldnt be surprised) will I get the value of the car? I know I do get its value if it is stolen or totaled or vandalized, but does that apply to car death? Pretty sure if it stopped working the cost to fix it would be more than the car is valued at, does that count as totaling? I am getting to that point where the car may be worth more to me stolen or wrecked. I hate dealerships otherwise I might consider a trade-in, but I don't know why anyone would buy it??? I would feel dishonest selling to anyone else, poor saps. I do better off finding someone who is selling a fixer upper. (I got this car for 500 bucks and I put 70,000 miles on it, not too shabby.) I know a guy who can fix up cars real cheap, but when its time, sometimes there is nothing you can do. The car is Kelly Blue Booked between 2900-4500, so would I get a decent price from insurance if I let it die under full coverage?""

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old?

How can I find out the cheapest rate?

How can i get my car out of the police pound when i havn't had a chance to get insurance?

just got the car and the log book was sent off and put in my name which took a few days but now having trouble getting insurance on an impounded car please help the police are saying it needs different insurance from releasing it from the pound

Health Insurance for i130 documents?

Can I used Health Insurance that I have added to my wife to my policy as a support document. She is out of status on the Visa. She has also been on my insurance for 4 months now.

Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

Home content insurance?

I am new to the UK. In Japan, few people buy home content insurance because home contents are normally not valuable. It seems to me most people here buy home content insurance. It sounds not attractive a)the premium b)the high excess. What is your view?""

How much would auto insurance be for a 18 year old?

i want to get a camero but i heard that 6 cylinders cost more on insurance....i live in texas and i would like to know if auto insurance is based on how many cylinders ur motor has

How can i find out if someone has insurance on me?

life insurance police

Driving without Proof of Insurance?

I was recently stopped by a police officer for speeding and when giving him my license and proof of insurance he stated that my insurance had expired. I then received a $550 fine for not having insurance, but not for speeding. I do have insurance, but the proof of insurance is what expired (we searched everywhere and the cards that the insurance agency was supposed to send did not show up). My question, then, is what do I do about this? I was not aware that my proof of insurance had expired (again, not the insurance) and I was freaked out because this is the first time that I have ever gotten pulled over (I'm a college freshman and the car is in my grandmother's name, it was a grad gift) On the ticket do I contest the claim and go to court or do I admit the claim and go to court? What are the possible outcomes or what is most likely to happen?""

What options exist for pregnant women who make too much for Medicaid but cannot afford health insurance?

I am not pregnant yet, but we are trying. My health insurance does not include maternity. I could purchase it but first off we can't afford it and secondly I would have to wait a year to use it. Our first son's birth was covered by Medicaid because we were under the poverty level at that time. Now I know that we would not be able to get Medicaid. What options are out there for me? I have heard of Maternity Card. I would love to hear your opinions and personal stories. Thank you for sharing.""

Am I still eligible for car insurance?

My car insurance dropped me today because I had four traffic tickets over two years ago. It was when I was just starting out driving and since then I have learned to be a responsible driver. Since the premiums were up for renewal next month, they pulled my file (audit) and found the tickets, and dropped me. I was told Progressive and Safe Auto would be good ones to check out. My first two tickets will be at the 3 year mark in a few months, the next about a month after.""

Will named driver insurance cost a lot for me?

My sis has been driving for a number of years and is 25 and I haven't had any lessons and i'm 27. Would it cost a lot to put me on her insurance as a named driver so I can get some practice? As far as I know she's drove for around 5 years with no claims.

Am having two different auto insurances on two different cars but are both in my name.Is it legal?

I have 2 cars, I just bought one cash. So I already have full coverage on one car and its paid for 6 months, and I want to add insurance on the other but with a different insurance company because it is cheaper and I will be getting only liability. Is it legal to be carrying different insurances or are they required to be both with the same company? I live in Texas! Thanks in advance!""

""Speeding ticket in Ontario, How much will an increase be on my insurance per vehicle?

I have just gotten a speeding ticket in on my Ontario driver's license. Can anyone tell me a rough figure as for how much as an average I could be paying on extra insurance for my vehicle when it gets updated? And how long will these penalty premiums be in effect? Thank you.

What is the Average Insurance cost on a Snowmobile?

I was going to buy a 1972 moto ski Snowmobile, And i'm 14 and inexperienced on them.. How much do you Figure the Insurance would cost? (I'm not going to call, you don't need to know why.) And i'm in southern Canada.""

Negative impacts on making all drivers have insurance?

also what are some positive impacts of making all drivers have insurance how would it help stop boy racers?

Which car insurance companies insure electric cars?

My insurance company will not insure electric cars. Which will?

How much would car insurance cost for a 2008 Ferrari F430?

I meant around how much would it cost say if i was 18 how much would it cost?

I dont get car insurance?

i am looking for my first car . i did a quote on a 2001 1.2 fiat punto 3 doors. The quote was 1600. but i then saw a 5 door punto. a 2000 1.2 5 door punto the quote for that was 1989. and thats from the same company. how can it cost more to insure a 5 door car.

How do you get car insurance?

I am on my mom's car insurance with Geico but it is no cost because I had my permit. I just got my license like 2 days ago. Will I have to notify them? I'm going to get a car next week probably, so you have to have car insurance to actually buy a car don't you? Could someone explain the process to me? Thx =]""

I'm getting sued from an old car accident? will my insurance pay?

two years ago i was involved in an accident with another vehicle. we filed a police report and we each reported the accident to our insurance companies. i filed a claim with my company, but the insurance companies had us each pay our own damages. we both walked away from the accident. two years later, i receive a certified letter that i'm being sued for $10,000 (within my liability limits) for medical damages and other losses. i need to appear in court or have a lawyer. it's been two years, will my insurance company still cover this after such a long time? and, do i have to find my own lawyer, or will the insurance company help me? (they're a very good company) i just found out and i contacted them, but they can't get back to me til monday while they find the old adjuster's files.""

Are you 17/18 and recently bought a car/insurance?

Im wondering what are the prices like now, and for what cars. Speaking to my mum,she told m vauxhall astra has a fairly cheap insurance for a young driver but anyway share below of around how much it costed you to get insurance and for what car thank you! 10 pts""

Where do I find florida health insurance ?

I am looking for a health insurance quote for florida health insurance. I am looking for cheap florida health insurance.

Is a 1978 lincoln mark v cheap to insure?

i am looking at a very cheap car to insure. i was looking into one of these classic cars. i currently drive a 1995 ford explorer V6 and its RWD that costs $140 a month on insurance and it gets worse gas mileage than a 1969 lincoln mark iii. as far as i know, this is a 34 year old car and registration is probably gonna cost 50 bucks or less and i live in NH. im 19 and have no tickets or accidents, will the lincoln mark v be cheaper than my explorer. i only have liability""

Car insurance?

what happens if you have liability car insurance and a guy that smashes your car hits you and he doesnt have any insurance? are you covered or are you screw ed?

What is a good affordable health insurance policy/company?

I need health insurance but I can't afford most policies. My husband doesn't make a lot and the insurance he can get through his job is just too costly. Can anyone help?

WHo LOVES Mercury Auto insurance and the alien commercials? lol Whats your favorite commercial?

Mercury Insurance rates are soo low that they are run by Aliens from the planet mercury lol This model simulation represents the facility and their landing site lol How about the Comcast Commercials? lol I was super high one time and saw the Turtles and was hellaaa freaked out lol.

Need SR22 insurance quotes?

I'd like to have an idea of the total fees for SR22 car insurance. If I can get a price range that would be great! thanks.

Health Insurance?

My mom had her gallbladder taken out few months ago and now she got the bill and her health insurance will not pick any of it up and she owes the hospital five thousand dollars. What is the best health insurance out there? Low monthly payment. My mom is not happy with the insurance company. This is my dads railroad insurance.

Insurance for buying a car?

I want to buy a used car. I was advised to get insurance before I test drive any cars. I went to a couple of insurance websites and they ask me to enter my vehicle info. How do I enter vehicle info if I don't own a vehicle yet?

Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

Car insurance for 17 year olds?

Right ive recently passed both my theory and practical. Ive read things on here that insurance for me a 17 year old full time student living with parents would cost like 2000 per year. Which is 166 quid. Thats alright for me. But i checked with confused.com and comparethemarket and they're all giving me ridiculous prices such as 14.000 premium. I searched up for a Ford Fiesta, 1.2, petrol, 2002 model. What can i do? I dont mind paying 100 or 200 quid a month. What do you reccommend me doing?""

How can i find the lowest car insurance rate for my car?

How can i find the lowest car rate for my car All the insurance companies advertise they have the lowest

Car insurance rates for men vs. women?

I was just wondering if there were any car insurance companies that charge higher premiums for men and in what locations are they higher. I was looking at a study that says that men are more dangerous drivers. Statistically men get into more accidents and cause more accidents with severe injuries. I live in Michigan and I don't think that insurance rates are higher for men here. Thanks for your answers!

Which insurance company will provide the most affordable health coverage?

I'm a 27 year old man in perfect health as far as I know. I'm average size. I'm about 5'10, 185 lbs. Since there are so many health insurance companies, which health insurance company will provide the most affordable health coverage for me?""

How much is non onwers sr22 insurance in illinois?

I dont have a car and my license has been suspended.

Looking for Health Insurance in New Jersey?

Hi Going to the doctors for a simple check up costs a lot of money and I have to take blood tests too and that right there costs 500 bucks and I'm paying cash out of my pocket.. I'm looking for health insurance in my state and actually for my parents too but I can't seem to find an affordable plan. Can anyone help me out this? I think we're going to go broke pretty soon because sometimes it's really urgent and the doctors don't even give you discounts.

Health care reform. Does it work?

Our new health care legislation is supposed to provide affordable health care and insurance for everyone. How exactly does that work? For example, I make about $37,000 a year. About $3200 of that goes to pay my insurance premiums. That's not really affordable, but, whatever. My job absolutely sucks. It's the worst one I've ever had. If I went to work at McDonald's or Wal-Mart, where would my affordable health care come from? Who decides how much I can afford to spend? No politician is going to be able to figure out how an ordinary American lives and what they can afford. I know this sounds like angry, bitter ranting, but it's a serious question. How does this work, if it actually does?""

Anyone know a cheap Health Insurance Cover for myself?

Im single, 27 years old and living in Victoria/Melbourne""

My car has been broken down for some time do I need insurance?

My cars engine blew up in June. I could not find an engine I could afford at the time. I canceled the insurance due to this. I received a letter in the mail wanting proof of insurance for the state of Ohio. I have purchased a engine now but still haven't had anyone install, so the car is not operational. What do I do? Can I show the receipt for proof the the vehicle wasn't operational?""

Roughly how much will my car insurance be?

I'm a female and 18 in July, my parents have bought me a 2010 Toyota Yaris for my birthday.. But I have to pay for the insurance (fair enough deal!) Roughly how much would it cost? Would it be much cheaper if I went under my parents insurance?""

What is the cheapest car insurance in Wisconsin?

It seems to me that every insurance company out there is claiming to have the lowest rates, etc. In your experience, who has had the cheapest prices? I'm referring to basic car insurance...no frills, just the minimum coverage that is now required in WI? Thanks (and please dont try to sell me something...I just want some ideas here)""

Will private insurance companies still exist after Obama care is implemented?

will govt be the health insurer once Obama care is implemented

Anyone with Tescos car insurance? Are they any good?

Got a good quote for my car insurance from them. Fully comp etc. But I would like to know what their customer service is like, whether they sort out claims quickly etc etc. Thanks""

Car insurance??? help?

I have a 2013 Mazda and going to buy a 2014 the same model as the 13 one will my insurance go a little bit more up?

""Car insurance, 16 year old, oh no.?""

I'm 16, I have a 92 Nissan 300zx Twin Turbo, what can i expect to pay for insurance on state minimum?""

How much is car insurance going to cost for me?

I'm 16 years old and im about to get my learners permit. Im not going to own a car or anything im just going to occasionaly drive my parents car. My mom says its going to be very expensive but i thought that was only when you have your full license and have your own car.

Do you think its good to have insurance?

Car insurance cell phone insurance life insurance health insurance renters insurance homeowners insurance School supply insurance Title insurance Troll insurance No matter what the product its good to have insurance AM I RIGHT?

""If u wrote-off a $5000 car, on average how much would ur insurance company give you back?""

If u wrote-off a $5000 car, on average how much would ur insurance company give you back?""

Auto insurance?

i have had my license for a little over 2 years now. My first year pay for auto insurance was 200$ a month (roughly) on my second year pay it was raised to 250$ a month (roughly). i have never gotten into an accident or gotten any tickets (never even been pulled over...). is it normal for auto insurance to be raised by that much, i know for newer drivers its a lot but i figured it would start high then get lower not start low then get higher. i have arbella mutual ins. and driving a toyota corolla ce perfect condition with no problems with it. i live in MA. if that makes a difference""

Underwriing Problem With Car Insurance?

I have a car Insurance with Autoone and they found out that my sister is making use of the car i called the the company and they told to write a letter stating that she is not living with me and NOT make any use of the car also she has been moved out recently. So i need a nice good lettter . my sis name is Jennifer.

The best health insurance?

im was wondering whats the best health insurance to get for some who is 19. someting that has eye vision to. i work but i dont have insurance from my job its along story so dont ask. i need something that is affordable. i live in southern california. any suggestions will do. this stuff is all confusing to me . copayment? or deductible? please help!!!

I need free insurance quotes that wont pull my credit report?

Im doing a project for school and I need to be able to enter in different attributes of an individual to determine how it would effect the insurance premium (I need dollar amounts). I need this for both home and auto insurance. Every site that I found requires your SSN and an accurate name so they can pull your credit report. Isnt there a site that does a general estimate of premiums?

The candidates are drum about affordable health insurance?

they go on and on about 15% do not have affordable health insurance 45 million well what about the other 85 million that do? I'm not saying the others don't rate insurance and it should be affordability to everyone. But get off the negative drum and onto the up beat of one. If they are talking about the elder and small kids that is one thing then just say that don't throw a bunch of numebrs out thinking all are going to vote for you just becasue you say this or that.

What can you do if an insurance company breaks the policy terms?

My dad's insurance company has changed his policy and made a new one after he's already made 2 payments on the old one.no terms were violated by my father and he did not add anything new. they raised his price by $126.88. i looked over at the statement current and old one. they're making no sense. what can we do? and also last question can they add interest rates to payments that aren't even due yet to each month? i thought interest payments were only a requirement if the bill wasn't paid on time??

Insurance wants to total my car?

So recently an 18 wheeler ran into the back of my car damaging the whole trunk and the force of the truck pushed my car into a post scraping the side of my car. The insurance guy came and just got a call back saying that they want to total my car and pay for it. The car is a black 2002 jetta 1.8 turbo from a small local dealer and has 140,000 miles. Im currently still paying it off and the car cost me $6000. Here is my concern, they haven't told me how much they plan to give me for my jetta but i went on craigslist and the average cost for a 2002 jetta 1.8t is around what i paid from $5000-$6000, will the insurance give me that amount because bluebook says my car is worth at most around $3400 in excelent condition and at retail value according to bluebook is around $4500. All I'm concern with is either my car is restore to the point before the accident or if they get me enough money to buy a new jetta of equal or greater quality. Restoring my car car i guess is not and option which I'm ok with but what if the amount they give me is not enough to go buy a new jetta from a small local dealer will they give me more money or how does this whole process work because I've never been in this situation.""

Rich Square North Carolina Cheap car insurance quotes zip 27869

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-you-have-insurance-alexander-atkinson/"

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harmonizedheroine · 8 years

Text

Winter2017

I. Confused - Jan2

Here I am, sitting at the mesmerizing cliffs of dover pretending that I am making decisions that are worthwhile, writing words that I thought could offer me solace. It is my last year here and I fear that there is no clarity near, like I will always be drowning in the same relentless cycle of malcontent.

It’s almost choking me at this point, the thickness of the grime from that past year inching up towards my cranium, threatening to fill up my brain with its thoughtless dark.

But, at the stroke of midnight all of that passed. The silent orb of brightness escaped the shadows and caressed my face… “You’re so beautiful.” I melt under rays of endless summer that promise me joy, joy and nothing more.

I remember, there was a cloudy shine awaiting me outside, but I shouldn’t have left. What if I missed it. The chance, the opportunity, the perfect one.

But, there’s a whole year. A whole year to figure out how I can near my inevitable bliss because I know one day I can reach it. I can achieve happiness and I am willing to persevere whatever obstacles I must in order to do so.

“This is my year,” they all say each year. But, I mean it. This is the year that I take control of my life because fate is passing. I have to do something because if I don’t, who will?

So, this is me…and these are the ramblings of a mad woman. I can’t wait to spend the next year with you and I hope this post grows as long as….the Nile River.

II. Ability - Jan5

I want to be able to…

reach the moon with only the help of one balloon,

break through the walls with a single push…pop,

make my childhood last as long as infinity

time and record the blissful surrender into calamity

witness the dark and passionate affair with a soul that of Dorian’s

worry even the smallest person passing me by

capture the attention of an untamed lion with a gaze

because god only knows what I’d be without you.

III. Weirdo - Jan7

Dude, so apparently it’s #wastemytime2k17 because I have been scammed, yet again. Honestly, it would have been dope if Joanne the Scammer herself had scammed me, but alas...t’was not. So, basically, Nate is over which is a rough situation for me to be in, having had liked him and spent a lot of time with him for several months. I still have his bracelet. He gave me literally $170 worth of Vans and I can’t return a pair because I wore it BUT I plan on returning the other pair because it just feels wrong.

He literally ripped my heart out. I drove to Megan’s after I made up a very smooth excuse that my mom needed me home. It was 2am. It made sense. I just didn’t wanna cry in front him...So, I just dipped. Like...it was just a boozy night. What the heckaroons, 2017 is MY year. People have to stop trying to ruin my year. But, you see, that only ruined my week. I’ll get over it. No one is worth my year. And, in the coming months, I will forget all about it and him. I just need a little bit of time!

Donald Glover’s Weirdo is one of the best one-hour stand-up’s I’ve ever seen. It is insanely funny and I love Donald Glover because he is an absolute gem. It totally repaired my night. And I found out that I’m the bomb. Like what an L for Nate. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be. I mean...he doesn’t like Kanye which is like fine whatever I guess I get it. But, then he said he doesn’t like Frank Ocean because he’s too mainstream. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THEN. Also, he’s not into Star Wars??? I was shook.

I found out several things from my time with Nathan. If a boy says he doesn’t like the major things that I like....AKA FRANK FREAKING OCEAN (like who doesn’t like him), then that means that something is up. I also learned that I can be like really nice sometimes or...you know what I’m saying? Like I can be really really nice when people are really really nice to me. Reciprocation was a big takeaway word from this lesson. I honestly think that it ended because cuffing szn has officially concluded. Onto living life to the fullest. This is my year. And I can’t wait to makeout with cute college boys at parties again (haha kidding, but at the same time let me LIVE, mom).

IV. Quirky - Jan11

frick

frickity

frack goes the click clack

goon

fiend

shoots patoots

any form of the word baboon

baboon

baboonery

to be continued….

V. Takeaway - Jan12

I figured from a few posts ago that I learned something or, you know, a lesson from each of the boys that I’ve spent time with, whether short or long or recurring like Megan Fox on New Girl...it’s all a struggle. But, let’s take it from the start!

Ben - Cool cat. All I can take away from this is that we were both fetuses and it was the longest relationship that I’ve ever been in (1 year I think??), yet it wasn’t even one lol. But, he’s the bomb and we’re still really good friends. I guess I can take away from this that exes CAN be besties.

Nick - My on-and-off boyfriend. We’re currently off, obviously, and hopefully forever. I learned from this kiddo that I love funny guys, they’re the best. I was really sad to see junior Nick turn into a douchebag compared to the Nick I knew just a few years before. I learned that I don’t deserved to be cheated on and that boys can be boozy. It was just ratchet. And I’m dope. Also, friends with benefits works only in the rarest of occasions and please don’t enter that sort of relationship with you EX. Bad idea, buddy.

Ethan - He spent more time with video games then paying attention to me. Obviously, the lesson here is that that is completely dumb and I’m dope. Except, it also showed that drummers are my kryptonite (reference one of my two biggest high school crushes: Matthew Butler). But, yeah, I love video games and I can totally play and actually enjoy that shit because...they’re dope. But, it was just boozy.

Ted - Okay, this is the first boy to take me out on dates and it was literally so adorable and I loved how much effort he put into things because he liked me. We went to the city and the zoo and you know all of this cute shit. But, it was supposed to be casual. He was perfect and amazing, but it was destined to end. I learned that you can’t make someone like you. The whole time, I thought that he would maybe realize that he would want to actually be with me. FALSE. But, it’s okay. Because I still enjoyed my time with him.

Yash - Yeah, it was fun. But, I hate boys that love drama. I know he kept saying that he hates drama, but I literally told one person about Yash and he flipped shit and it wasn’t cute. Also, after a while, he stopped being all cute and nice. Not cute. I learned that assholes are never fun, to not take people’s shit, and that I deserve like waaay better lol.

Nate - He was absolutely too nice to me and he treated me fantastically. Totally sweet and caring and compassionate and kind. But, that can only amount to so much. That could only come to be so much, though, you know? From my last post about him, I could say that I learned liking a few of my major likes like Frank Ocean are kind of important. I want to talk to someone about everything, even like intellectual stuff. He was absolutely too good to me, but in the end I wasn’t enough. Which is okay because I’m enough for myself. I learned that nice guys definitely don’t finish last, that I’m a great girlfriend, and that I deserved someone who goes to the third floor (future me: I hope you remember what this means lol. I DESERVE SOMEONE WHO GOES TO THE THIRD FREAKING FLOOR, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR.

VI. Enough - Jan14

IM SORRY FOR ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIP POSTS... my love life is boozy and I promise to fill this szn-long post with more fulfilling and relevant life stories and shiz because this relationship drama is getting boring.

my relationships have all ended with one word in mind looming over me for weeks on end afterwards: enough.

i feel like i’m never enough. i get that boys like me, maybe even a lot do/could. but they never like me enough. i just want someone to care about me enough to not cheat and actively tell themselves that they would never cheat because…in all honesty, i think i’m a fairly good person. it’s not like im an awful girlfriend or even an awful person. you know…i get that people can “like” me, but they just don’t like me enough…enough to want to keep me in a real relationship, to try. because i try. i always try and lose myself to trying to make people happy, whether it’s with relationships or even just my friendships. i always exert all of my energy and find none of it reciprocated. and i guess im not really complaining, it just sucks you know?

all starts with nick. im not enough for him to stay loyal (these hoes aint loyal). for ted, i wasn’t enough for him to keep once northwestern started. for yash i wasnt enough for him to not eventually treat me like trash, straight up. for nate, i wasn’t enough to put his faith in, until college and maybe even further.

like i hate getting my hopes up, waiting for something that would never happen, and just trying so hard to care about people who couldn’t even…i dont know. its just…im tired. im so so tired and so discouraged and boys keep treating me like trash and ugh.

it might sound dumb or whatever, but i feel like i deserve more than this at least. because im enough for myself and that’s for sure. so if im not enough for other people, then that’s on them. seriously.

what just tears me apart is the whole nate thing right now. like yeah for sure im talking to danny right now and he’s an absolute dreamboat, but the whole nate situation still manages to upset me, you know? like he’s literally pretending that i don’t exist. it’s like we don’t know eachother. and he doesn’t wanna date me because college. well yeah, but that’s in 7-8 months. Also…I’m not the type of person to cheat or leave someone as soon as I see the first cute person at college. I feel like I would care more than that. rough. yet another case to validate the fact that nothing ever goes.

so here i am now, going back to my fall go-to of “casual” things with people. because i don’t want to cry over a guy again. freaking 2017 is my year. im over it. lmao. sorry i just needed to rant, please don’t read this :/

VI. Scammed - Jan20

There has been an update.

I’ve been informed by Megan and Max, two excellent sources, that I was, in fact, scammed by Nathaniel. So, it turns out that he kind of used me to see if he could get over Corey. Throughout the two-three months, I was actually just part of a social, personal-discovery-esque experiment. A lab rat, of sorts. Which is absolutely bogus, in my humble opinion.

So, right after he broke things off with me, he goes straight to Corey, pours his heart out to her, says he still loves her, and they kiss. Fast forward to him bringing her to the opening night of my show, the school musical which he damn well knew I was in. I didn’t know about the whole “Still In Love With Corey” thing at the time, so I freaked out to Megan and was super down about what I was hypothesizing was them being back together.

So quick for him to jump the boat. Anyways, after that, I heard that Corey told him she doesn’t want to be in a relationship again. Sucks for Nate, truly. And I really have 0% desire to be petty about this and talk about how karma had it coming for him. Because I don’t believe that.

Out of all people, I would understand very well the situation he was in. To like someone, but still be in love with the last one. I think I was just super unlucky to be caught in the crossfire of something happening. It’s kind of like Ross’ girlfriends throughout the show. Everyone knew he would end up with Rachel because he always loved Rachel and those poor girls in between were just unlucky people caught in the crossfire. Yeah, he liked them. But, Rachel was always the one. I’m not Nate’s Rachel and that is absolutely fine with me.

If I think about it, in the long run, it wouldn’t have worked either. He doesn’t know anything about politics and I love talking about politics. He hates Frank Ocean, Chance the Rapper, Kanye, and literally just everyone that I like but listens to heavy metal all the time because it has amazing drums YET he doesn’t like rock and alternative rock because???? He doesn’t go to the third floor. And he’s not planning to go to college and I am. I want someone who can care about me, make me laugh, and who I can talk to about anything. And it just wasn’t there with Nate.

(also, megan and max said it wouldn’t have worked out anyways because he’s a virgo and i’m an aquarius. sounds like bullshit, but i read up on it and it all was so real so i guess that theory checks out)

What I’m really just upset about is that I had to be the pawn in this. I wish I was just left out, that I never had my feelings hurt. You know what? I actually take that back. I wish that he told me the truth when he broke it off. You know? “I really like you, but I think I’m still in love with Corey and I’d hate to hurt you while I’m still confused and going through this,” would have been a lovely approach at breaking it to me. I wish you told me this BEFORE I wasn’t New Years hanging out with you :/ Well, whatever. New year, new me (minus Nate!)

VII. Questioning - Jan22

I just don’t know where I stand in the world right now.

I’m sitting here, on my couch, crying more than I have in a long time because I am so afraid that my parents won’t love me no matter what.

I was born into a faith, a life which was chosen and destined for me. Roman Catholicism would be my religion and that was the final word. As I grew up, with the influence of my environment and the people that I’ve come across throughout my years, I’ve slowly but surely come closer to finding who I am. And, with that, comes doubt. For a really long time now I’ve had so much doubt in my religion and so many questions and...it strikes me. What is the purpose of it all? I understand the reach it has for certain people; I understand the bond and importance of this religion and its impact on so many lives. But, I just don’t know if I believe in it all. I mean, of course, I think I do. But, was I just conditioned to think that way? Is this all the culmination of my whole life being surrounded and pushed into this lifestyle? I’m so lost and have so many questions.

Less than twenty minutes ago, I asked my parents if I could skip church this week to study. I have so much homework because of the musical and I still have a shift pretty soon. Of course, my dad freaks out.

I understand that I have amazing parents who are completely not strict on me at all and I am so thankful for my freedom that’s been allotted to me. But, what struck me was when I almost made my dad cry when I said that I feel no spiritual connection in going to church anymore. “This isn’t how we raised you,” he said, voice painfully cracking. He walked away to get some water. I just didn’t know what to say. Because it was true. It was the full disclosure: I don’t understand why church is important for me to prove my faith. Why is there more importance placed on this one hour of the week then actively trying to spend time with me or get to know me.

I want my parents to know me: know what music I like and how much I love it, know my political views and why and just take time to understand instead of debate against it. I want to have dinner with my parents again because I just have not been home this entire year. I study so hard and I just...I’m missing part of myself to this.

What struck me during my tear-driven talk with my parents was when my dad said something about “non-negotiable” and I was hurt. “Religion is non-negotiable?” I’ve known for years now that I wasn’t planning on attending church in college, but I’ve never said it out loud.

I think that before you further your spiritual connection at things like church and mass, you have to establish your connections here on Earth. Show activism in your connections to people, show you care, and strengthen that before you try and “prove” it in a setting like church. I think that one hour does not define you and that you can be a fantastic person and Christian without it. I think I want to work on being a better person first. Of course, Catholicism helps in matters of after-life...faith of a world after this one. But, how can that work of there’s not importance placed on the life we have now?

There is nothing more that I value than what my parents think of me and I never want to disappoint them-- one could argue that that is my first priority. But, it comes at a price because I find myself sacrificing who I am to serve this false facade, giving them the perfect image of the daughter that they raised the “right way”...

I’m still lost and don’t really know where I stand on this. I don’t know. And I don’t think I have to have all the answers, at least not yet.

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