#if only being trans wasnt the worst

[dragonstailbutch]

Hey sorry i am trying to like. find examples of what you mean when you talk about mra stuff and (trans)misogyny in forcemasc content and tumblr search has betrayed me once again, can you explain?

(sorry I normally wouldn't ask but I wanna make sure I'm not perpetuating anything!! Also fucking tumblr search!!! it is ridiculous!)

so ive been sitting on this ask for months since ive got it. i want to do it justice and try to take it at face value that its being honest in asking.

The thing is, theres this trend and a weird amount of effort to be like force femme, to be forceful and like its something to fearful of and give in to. But we cant do that, cause all that does is reinforce the idea that being a man is a toxic thing. I saw this post the other day where a transman talked about like, the whole "raised as a weapon" thing, the violence and horror of being a man and raised that way versus how they felt growng into it as a transman. How they wanted to reclaim that phrase or something? i could be misremembering.

But that was never the intent of forcemasc. It wasnt actually about being a dude, literally *forcing* someone who was unwilling into masculinity, none of the posts that i made that started the community (and yes i, a transfem butch woman, started and made this community and some of yall need to get over yourselves) were ever about that, it was intended to be a soft mimic or even a call to forcefemme.

i was all about making it soft and tender for a reason, cause if i didnt i was only reinforcing the toxic masculinity narrative, "men fighting in the mud" "men are dominant and cool" " to be a man is to be forced into masculinity and to be disgusted with the feminine" or whatever. When masculinity isnt about just men, and being butch isnt just being masculine. masculinity should also be sensitivity, not domination. i wanted it to be better, show a better side of what masculinity could be, what being butch is.

Ive spoken before a bit too, about the tags people used and added to forcemasc, and really maybe i was wrong in ever naming it forcemasc. people used and still use tags like autoandrophilia, autoandrophile, androphile, autogynephilia, androphilia, and autogynephile. Ive seen so many people with urls and tags and posts calling themselves transandrobros, literally calling themselves MRAs, as if that was something to be proud of, as if they dont understand that they arent fighting for their and our rights, they're fighting for cis-mens rights by using those names and terms, not transmascs/transmens rights. I can understand ignorance, but weve talked about how the words you use have history, especially those like the tags i mentioned and androphilia and androphobia and others, all of them have roots in deeeeeeeply misogynistic and transphobic people and history.

Literally all of these are awful and are phrases that arent and wont be reclaimed because theyre history is one of pain and hurting trans people, one of coercive 'help', literal forced detransitioning and reinforcement of MRA and terf narrative that men are both good and the worst creature alive and that to be a woman is to be disgusting and the purest thing all at once. That to be a transwoman is sick and we shouldnt be trusted.

Im trying to be very kind, not scream and rage, not because i dont desperately want to, but because if i do, as a butch transwoman, ESPECIALLY cause i claim being butch, people wont listen to me no matter how much of what i say is meaningful. one of the reasons why im doing this NO, instead of in anothr day or two, is that im coming to terms with the fact that the situation will just get qorse, not better without words.

Part of why im still sane is that ive gotten a couple asks here and there about how my posts and creation of the community has helped them and its so wonderful to see that, genuinely so amazing to see people recontextualize and love themselves. its wonderful and im so fucking happy about it.

i personally made this space so i could love myself, who i am as a trans person and my body, and i knew that other people needed and wanted that for themselves too and i wanted to help, share this love with more people. That to be hairy and chubby and masculine and butch was a nice thing. But to me it feels like it was coerced into being a thing for Men. A thing no longer for me or people like me who share the butch culture and name to no longer enjoy cause people unfamiliar with kink and tran history have decided that masculinity and butchness are the exact same thing. Id say people should go be a bear, but you wont learn their culture either and thats cruel and insulting to bears.

We deserve better You deserve better. Stop falling for the lies and hate. We beg you

[fliesforeyes]

so helpful

aka spencer giving you head when your cramps hurt

featuring: spencer reid, trans male reader (pre-testosterone)

warnings/tags: smut, fluff, period sex, oral (reader receiving), no penetration, praise, established relationship

☆☆☆

you laid, essentially rotting, against the plush pillows in your bed that you shared with spencer. you were curled on your side, the slight pressure of your legs against your abdomen relieving a little bit of pain that came with your period.

spencer sat upright next to you, book propped in his lap as one of his large hands laid against the side of your head. he wasnt reading, but rather his focus was on you, gently playing with your hair and thinking of how to propose a way to help you.

he'd done his research, since this pain came every month for you and he hated seeing you like this. he knew that an orgasm could help, distracting you from the stress in your abdomen and the tightness in your back. and spencer of course wasn't averse to this idea, unlike some may think. he was damn near obsessed with giving you head, what was a little bit of blood? he knew that penetration was probably not the way to go here, and besides, he wanted this to be about you, making you feel better.

he gently whispered your name, brushing your hair out of your face as you hummed and turned to look up at him in response.

"do you want me to try and make you feel better?"

"mm, i don't know how you would, spence. ive already taken meds, laying here is the only thing that helps," you mumbled your response, too fatigued to speak at a regular volume.

his heart ached for you, but his hands were starting to get sweaty as he felt anxious for what he was going to ask. what if you thought he was weird for being into that? what if you were repulsed? what if you thought he only viewed you sexually, even while you were in pain? no, he had to remind himself this was you. the worst that could happen would be you politely rejecting his advices, at which he would simply lay down and hold you as long as you needed, and he would be content. this was about you.

"i mean, i did a little bit of reading, and it said sometimes intimacy can help," he spoke quietly, not wanting to break the gentle atmosphere in the room, closing and setting his book on the nightstand beside him. "it releases endorphins, so it genuinely will alleviate some of your pain." he moved to lay on his side, face now level with yours, but your eyes moved to look at his chest.

spencer noticed a slight blush covering your face, the cogs in your head turning as you thought about it. would it really help? eventually, you broke your silence, carefully looking up and seeing his patient, kind expression.

"i mean, it wouldn't hurt to try, would it?" you whispered, nervous at the thought of him being grossed out by your bleeding. "but- like- you know it's gonna be messy, right?" you stumbled over your words, "i don't want you to do this if you think you won't like it."

"i promise you ive already thought about it, and im still happy to make you feel good," spencer assured you, his eyes and tone gentle but not demeaning. "so can i?" he asked, wanting to be sure this is one hundred percent what you want.

you nodded eagerly, extending your legs away from your chest and scooting closer to him, eyes closing as he cupped your face. he leaned in, kissing you softly as one of your hands tangled in his hair, the other resting on his wrist. spencers hand that wasn't on your face rested on your waist, gently pawing at the plush skin over your (his) sweater.

you quietly whined when his tongue pushed into your mouth, the kiss deepening as an especially painful cramp hit, your fingers gently pulling at his hair. your hand that was on his wrist moved to cup his face, feeling his jaw. he let out a quiet moan, body pushing closer to yours, hand pulling your face as close as it could be, other hand dipping under your sweater and feeling the soft skin of your stomach. spencers fingers gently played with the waistband of your shorts, stopping with his palm resting on your hip.

he pulled away, "is this okay? can i touch you?" he was always someone who asked for consent multiple times, wanting to make sure your mind hadn't changed.

he smiled when you nodded, "yes, yeah spence please," your words were spoken quick and desperate as you leaned back into his lips. he liked how needy you were like this, when your mind was only full of wanting him, he liked seeing you were just as desperate as he was.

his fingers dipped under your shorts and underwear, gently pushing to run between your thighs. he whimpered into your mouth when he felt how wet you were, though he knew most of it was blood, swallowing the quiet gasp you let out when the rough pads of his middle and ring finger ran over your clit.

his fingers paused there, creating small circles, a smile forcing its way onto his face when he felt your hips push into his hand. spencers other hand left your face, palm pushing into the pillow beside your hand as he lifted his body above you. you rolled onto your back, spreading your legs apart to give him space to kneel above you, keeping his body off of you to give his arm room. one of your hands stayed on his face, the other shoving his shirt up and resting on the smooth skin of his back.

spencers lips detached from yours as he breathed out a small laugh, feeling bad as you chased his mouth. you quickly became content though, feeling his lips trail down your cheek, your jaw, down to your neck. you sighed as he left wet, open mouthed kisses on your hot skin, his fingers still working on your clit. he let out a small moan along with you when he felt your fingers tug at is thick hair while he left a dark hickey just under your collarbone. he liked leaving marks on you, liked seeing the evidence of nights like this, liked knowing no one else could see them except him and you.

your eyebrows furrowed as his hand retracted from its place between your legs, but you quickly followed his lead as spencer leaned back on his shins. his hands pulled at the bottom hem of your sweater, lifting it up and over your head, tossing it on the ground beside the bed. you were left confused again when he completely got off the bed and left the room, walking away with a small, "hang on."

you smiled and blushed as he returned with a black towel, his hair messy and in his face, a pink tint coating his cheeks. "i figured this might be helpful, so you don't bleed on the sheets," spencer explained, taking his place between your legs again, sliding the towel under you as you lifted your hips to help him.

"i love you, spencer," you spoke, hands landing on his shoulders as he leaned down to kiss you. he was so caring, how did you live this long without him? he smiled and pressed his lips to yours again before leaning back.

"i love you too." he smiled bashfully before pressing his lips into the soft, hot skin of your stomach, fingers grasping at your plush hips, shoulders shoving your thighs further apart. he leaned back once again to pull off your shorts and underwear before leaning back down into you. your hands went to his soft hair. your breath hitched when his tongue grazed your skin, eyes closing as you felt him suck gently at your hips and inner thighs, leaving small bites here and there as he trailed hickeys across your body. he looked up again, watching your chest rise and fall with heavy breaths and your skin glisten with his spit.

"you're so pretty oh my god," he spoke, hand trailing up your thigh, watching as it left goosebumps. soon he broke from your skin, reaching up to take one of your own hands off his head, intertwining your fingers and placing it on your stomach.

spencer shuffled his knees down the mattress, resting his hips and stomach on the bed, his vacant hand moving your thighs to rest over his shoulders before wrapping his arm over your lower stomach, pawing at the skin there. he continued to hold your hand as his tongue dived into your sex, eyes closing as he listened to the desperate noises escaping your lips.

his lips wrapped around your clit, arm keeping your pelvis down as you tried to grind against his face. spencer moaned against you, your thick thighs pressing into the side of his skull turned him on far more than it probably should. he ate you out like a man starved, making your legs shake as you gasped and moaned and whined, fingers tangling in his hair as you forgot all about the pain in your abdomen.

"fuck, spence it feels so good, you make me feel so- so good," your words were broken with moans and gasps but they didn't fall on deaf ears. your praise made spencer go mad, he loved when you told him how you felt and good he was doing, making him put in even more effort to bring you more pleasure.

"you taste so good baby, doing so good for me, such a good boy," he whispered, thumb landing on your clit as he pulled away to breath and watch. it was so satisfying to watch you fall apart on his tongue and his fingers, your chest heaving as your head pushed back into the pillows, mouth agape, hand tightening around his own where it still rested on your stomach. "my pretty boy," his praise egged you on further, making you let out a desperate moan.

spencer licked his lips before diving back in, wet thumb settling on your hip as his tongue worked against your clit, chin soaked with a combination of his own spit and your arousal and blood. he listened as your noises became slightly louder, breathier, whinier, he knew you were going to cum before you told him.

"spencer-" god did he love it when you moaned his name- "im, fuck, im gonna cum, please- oh my god," your thighs damn near crushed his head as his arm released some of its pressure against your hip bones. he let you ride his face, cumming hard and fast as he slowed down his movements, letting out his own whines as you tugged his hair, pushing his face closer and pulling him away when it all became too much, legs falling open as your whole body melted into the mattress. spencer rested his head against your thigh, thumb rubbing circles into the back of your hand as you caught your breath, your hand moving to gently run through his hair.

you looked down at him, smiling as he moved to crawl up your body after he wiped his chin off with the towel laying beneath you. spencer kissed you softly, before whispering your name and staring at your flushed face. you hummed in response, hands parting as you cupped his face and he brushed your hair to the side, his other hand planted beside your head.

"do you feel better now?" he asked quietly, watching intently for any signs of pain in your expression. instead, he received a small laugh and your beautiful smile, eyes opening to look at him as you nodded.

"yeah, i do, thank you," you told him. he smiled and tucked his head into your shoulder, laying his body against your own, gently kissing your neck.

"good, im happy i could help."

[ghostherlig]

no no let’s get you started on talking about railao breeding kink! (I meant to send that yesterday but completely forgot 🤣 please talk about railao and trans railao and t4t railao please I am so starved and desperate for them. Also, moment of silence for the lost fics, that is literally the worst feeling in the world 🫡🙏😭)

ASDKLJFHDA- railao breeding kink never leaves my brain i wish i was joking-

i really do have to write a fic about them (which technically the western au is gonna be my top priority once the collaring fic is done and they're going to be a big part of that- (and once it get bATTERIES FOR MY MOUSE AND KEYBOARD-))

also thank you, moment of silence 🫡😔

okay here's my trans railao rant bc i cant contain myself (under the cut bc it gets long and also nsfw warning- includes trans raiden, trans lao, and t4t railao)

i love love love trans raiden- i think lao brags about his everything for a reason and i think raiden knows that intimately- trans raiden whose always had a smaller chest and never felt the need to bind and just worked out to get his chest how he wanted it- raiden who has little to no shame about undressing around ppl bc he grew up in a small village and everyone knew and was fairly supportive :) lao who was ultra extra supportive and helped raiden since boyhood feel more comfortable with who he was and how he presented himself- hasldfkjasd they are so soft i love them

anyway- lao def also takes the strap when raiden feels like topping, and you bet lao makes that all about raiden- literally all the praise and affirmations for him as lao absolutely loses his mind as his boyfriend takes him apart like he gets paid to- raiden who had the biggest breeding kink and likes to get stuffed but also loves stuffing lao even more- they for sure have an ejaculating strap on just so raiden can make an absolute mess out of lao aslkdjfhasdf

trans lao had a lot more insecurities as a kid to me, wasnt necessarily afraid of telling ppl bc they would be hateful but was afraid bc he wanted to be only a man in their eyes- like he was scared they would see him differently than he really was- but raiden helped him with his self-confidence (a little too much, some might say-) and that's why lao talks big game- though often he can follow through, there's a limit to the things he's done and can be good at first try

trans lao who absolutely goads raiden into stuffing him full at every possible convenience- before training? why not- we got twenty minutes and an empty closet, no one's coming by here- it's almost five am and we have training in half an hour, that leaves them plenty of time to have raiden stuff him full and clean him up after- lao is so tempting and raiden falls for it every time, the poor man

lao also loves absolutely breaking raiden down with a strap on- whenever he has the energy to he teases raiden until he's fit to burst and then makes him wait while lao goes to grab everything they need- pillow princess raiden is so near and dear to my heart aasldfkjdf he deserves it :)

railao with one of them being trans is always fantastic but t4t railao really has my heart- t4t railao where both of them grew up and learned how to be themselves together, both kind of figuring it out and coming out at the same time, going through the awkward spots together and helping each other through it- asldkfhasdf them having that friends to lovers slow burn where it takes them like five years, three life crises, and almost the end of the world to realize that they love each other-

t4t railao where they both crave the closeness of the other so much so that it's maddening and they end up forgetting where one starts and the other ends-

any version of railao that knows where the other is in a room at all times, even blindfolded they could find each other in dead silence, i swear- railao with that soul tie bc they've spent so long together that they've become basically inseparable, literally a package deal, where one goes the other does too-

asdlfkjasdf i love railao so much i need to spend more time writing them- new year's resolution: write railao-

[unpopularshipbracket]

Round 2b Match 1

Rashmi Jamil/Amelie Macon (Entropic Float)

Fic count: 0

Milo/Piers (Pokemon)

fic count: 29

"COUNTRY BOY X EMO CITY BOY, HIMBO X GOTH, SHORT AND STRONG X TALL AND SKINNY, SUNSHINE ONE X GRUMPY ONE C'MON GUYS THEY'RE EVERYTHING it is MIND boggling they aren't more popular"

Rashmelie propaganda under cut!

Rashmelie:

"this essay is going to be reused whole cloth from the submission of them to the 17 million years of pining poll! because unfortunately i do not have the energy to go insane enough to write up anything new oh.

my god. where the fuck do i start with them for real.

okay so, theyve been friends since early childhood, and before either of them came out (Rashmi is agender, they/them, while Amelie is a trans girl, she/her, and they are both mspec which is a bit less relevant but is also there). the earliest time that we know that they have feelings for each other is when theyre both 14, and Rashmi - already out, with their entire family (parents and grandma) supporting them without question - is moving. uhhh 90% of american geography names are the same to me so i might lie there. from Nevada, where they both grew up, to New York, where Rashmi is planning on studying dance further, which has always been their plan; around 14 is when they ran out of teachers at home.

they quietly hope Amelie doesnt confess her feelings for them, as they fear it might tempt them to stay, which they cannot allow themself to do. Amelie, meanwhile, is very carefully not thinking about gender, because her parents are quite frankly the worst. over the course of the years before they meet back up, Amelie has had some dates, but each time, they dont work out, and in her own words, put logs on the flame she carries for Rashmi.

Rashmi, meanwhile. gets married. one of Rashmi's biggest struggles in their romantic pursuits has been the fact that they are both Indian and queer. it has been a struggle for them to find someone who respects both - someone who respects their gender identity while not throwing their culture under the bus. that is one of the factors contributing to the way their relationship with "Ajay" (we learn that this name isnt his real one, but it was magically replaced in Rashmi's memories of him and we dont know it) played out: he is also Indian, and the first thing he asked them upon meeting them was what their pronouns were. and it was all good.

until it wasnt.

i would love to get into that deeper, but the important point is that "Ajay" is kind of a piece of garbage, whose crimes include finding Rashmi's address when they didnt give it out, deliberately not sending Amelie her wedding invitation because Rashmi told him they used to have a crush on her, driving them to drop out of dance school, and general possessiveness (notable being the fact that, whenever he is home, he always asks them to stay home too, which leads to them dropping their social circle and their hobbies). one of the places it grows from is "Ajay" being ace and not quite believing that Rashmi accepts that. he also has a substance abuse problem.

all of that culminates as they return from a short visit to their parents, and he in a fit pushes them down a long flight of stairs.

in the meantime... god, i cant even figure out what parts of information are important about Amelie here. i would put as notable the fact that she only figured out she was a girl something like a year before the events of the game - and only ever came out to Rashmi, who in turn told their parents...

and who didnt realize that Amelie's workplace didnt know. her workplace is just. terrible in social terms. she loves the work itself (its food industry, a restaurant in a casino, dont remember the exact job description) but her coworkers are being the absolute worst. a cesspool of toxic masculinity. also an environment for Amelie's undiagnosed psychosis. she is prone to auditory hallucinations.

after being outed to her boss while also hearing from Rashmi's parents that their husband is... lets just say bad for them, she, while safely at home, hallucinates that her boss or maybe her father is breaking down the door.

simultaneously with Rashmi as they are falling down the stairs, they make Wishes.

these are not widely understood; from the context of the game, it seems as though some people get a Wish when in significant peril, or in distress. you do not need to use the Wish immediately as you get it, but they both did.

essentially, what Rashmi Wishes for is a way to escape from their husband that wouldnt raise a fuss; and Amelie Wishes for a place where she and Rashmi can both be safe. (i am very muddly on the details there) their Wishes create the anomalous clocktower where the game takes place."

[transgenbur]

the thing about fostering au cfundy is that when he has his rebellious teen phase and rejects his dad and tries to be as furthest away from him as he can, that's what he starts to resemble him the most.

when he's about 13-14, cfundy's relationship with cwil starts to strain, which is pretty normal for a teenager. he really embraces the emo angsty teen thing. he's frustrated with how cwilbur still seems to see him as a little kid, despite being a teenager, he's jealous of his newborn little sister (tallulah) getting all the attention, he's sick of the dysphoria and misgendering he deals with every day (he's out to his family and they're fully supportive but he's not on HRT yet), and he's also got anxiety and is prone to depressive episodes . just like Someone.

except the thing is he's still young and few teens want to talk about that stuff with their parents, so he doesn't realise that wilbur Would be able to relate and to help because he went through some of that. instead he just bottles it all up and resents his dad (big q is on thin ice but mostly fine, in fact like the little shit he is cfundy makes a point to show favouritism to cq . petty syndrome runs in the family) and straightens his hair so it's not curly like his, dresses all in black and listens to emo music except it . Doesnt work.

cause this poor kid has no clue that cwilbur WAS emo back in the day (in the 2000s too....) so when he hears his kid blast out his music really fucking loud in his room and slam the door he doesnt get upset at all, he gets really excited and shoves his head in the room like Omg you listen to them too!!! :D i have their old CDs if you want. 😭 Mission Disappointing Your Dad : Failed by fundy soot.

what does work is when he straightens his hair, cause originally wilburs like Oh are you straightening it to look emo (he himself did that Once in high school and realised he wasnt pushing it that far because straight hair Did Not suit him) and while that Was half the reason fundy did it, he shouts back that it was just to look nothing like him. And wilburs like Oh 😟 and they don't really talk for a while after that.

its really complicated because fundy's lashing out because he's got all these big emotions that he's grappling with in addition to regular puberty And the fact that puberty sucks x1000 when you're trans, and also because he Does feel rejected by wilbur and rejects him back in like. self defense i guess. even though on wilbur's end it's Being Overwhelmed with Having A Newborn that makes him unintentionally neglect fundy, its never anything malicious. but it still sucks for fundy.

and the worst thing is that when fundy tries to do something about it, to be mean and separate himself from his dad, he ends up following in his footsteps. some of it is lighthearted, like the emo thing, some of it less so. when quackity sees fundy come back home high for the first time, the only thing he can think is just how much fundy looks like his dad used to.

they're both ball of nerves who are prone to falling in depressive slumps and pushing everyone away by being mean, so they come off as like. The Unstable One even though they Hate it.

(tw discussion of SH after this!!)

the tension keeps building for a While, and it sucks for everyone because wilbur tries to reach out to his son but he has no idea whats wrong (to be fair hes a bit clueless too), and fundy pushes his dad away more and more and falls into more of a mental health pit in those middle/high school years, to the point where he resorts to self harm.

it all comes to a halt when wilbur finds the blades in the bathroom drawer and absolutely loses his mind. he goes into complete panic mode and barges into fundys room and starts frantically asking if he was hurting himself and fundys just kinda sat there frozen before bursting out sobbing.

its definitely not the way he shouldve confronted him about it, but for wilbur, who struggled with self harm for over two decades, having his son "end up like him" was his absolute nightmare. he spent so long shutting everyone out and bottling it all in especially from tommy and fundy because the one thing he wanted above all else was for their childhoods and lives to be nothing like his. and so to see fundy shut him out and be depressed and hurt himself? just like he did? and he didn't even notice? he's never felt like this much of a failure.

it does get better after that. wilbur has a looooooong talk with his son, which includes talking about things that he never intended for him to know but he realises the only way to help him is to treat him like he's not a little kid, like he can handle these topics, and most importantly so he knows that like . he Does get it . it's still strained cause they're both still bottling shit up but now that wilbur realises fundy was hurting so much he's determined not to let it happen again.

idk i just. something about trying to run away from your parent and everything they represent and yet finding yourself exactly like them. they're parallels in the worst way possible sometimes

[marcys-garbage-bunker00]

iwas very uncomfortable during Chapter 13 of Jojolands but because, as someone who's been on such type of situations (though not in the same particular way Dragona was) it felt, in a odd way, like someone understood what the experience was and wanted to put it out in paper for others to have a aight into qhat a lot of people are forced to endure for no other crime than existing in a particular way

I think this is the "absurd" Dragona refers to, she didn't do anything wrong (using She because i feel certain now that she's a trans woman after this chapter), she just wanted to live her life in peace, yet was othered and antagonized and hurt for no fault of her own, the worst she did was accidentally hit someone with a volleyball, but it's heavily implied by her talk with Jodio that this has been going on for a good while now.

I firmly believe that, the "breaking of her heart" Dragona talks of was her will to live, and it made my heart stop to beat when, as i read, i realized that, had Jodio not intervened, Dragona might have turned suicidal, or st lesst apathetic to being alive, and i think that might be one of the reasons Jodio becomes so protective of her.

But Jodio was there, he stood up to one of the only three people he assumedly genuinely cares for, he showed Dragona how much he does care and love her, and that was what she needed to just miss the hand of darkness gripping her into worse.

I understand the criticism some have given this chapter but... from my personal perspective, as a queer woman, this was like a hard pill to swallow that Araki thought was necesary for people to start considering given the state of Trans safety and rights right now all over the world, let alone general rights of any memeber of the LGBTQ+ community, people of color and more.

From my perspective, i felt validated in my suffering, and had in a weird way, confirmation that what happened to me was real, and it was as horrible as i remember it, and it wasnt me just making a mountain of a molehill.

[autogynocrat]

So what’d it take to accept yourself as being trans and stop giving a shit about the potential repercussions that might’ve come out of that?

LONG POST INCOMING! PLEASE BARE WITH ME! IT IS VERY RAMBLY! BUT I HAVE A TL:DR AT THE END IF YOU DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO READ IT ALL!

i had been grappling with the existential dread for years that "one of these days you will be too old to be a femboy, people won't think it's cute for a 35 year old man to dress feminine, they'll think its creepy. you're getting older and aging like a man more every year and soon you will be just like the sissies boomers in poorly fitting dresses that make you so uncomfortable.

you're going to have to give up and become a regular man soon" in 2019 i thought i had accepted my fate, and hoped i could at least age gracefully. i had previously suffered from recurring boughts of discomfort and disconnect with my body, particularly the shape of my jaw, shoulders, and the beard(the beard was the worst thing, it would leave me paralyzed for weeks during the summer every year, ever since around age 20 i have wanted laser hair removal). but it was the though of having to give up and live the rest of my life as a man that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

but only one year later thinking about it started giving me a really bad identity crisis, i started crying and panicking whenever i thought about how i would have to live as a man for the rest of my life, it was genuinely horrifying, and i felt like "twinkdeath" was creeping up on me, and i found that if I actually wanted hormones it was extremely easy for me to obtain them with just a little bit of my discretionary spending.

i had been talking with some of my trans friends about my issues with gender, that i didnt really feel comfortable as a man, even though at the time i felt like i could never be a woman, some suggested i could be nonbinary. i remember before i finally bit the bullet i talked to a friend who was a transwoman about my gender issues, and after finding that what i was going through felt very similar to what she went through before transitioning, i decided "well, theres nothing wrong with me at least trying hormones, if i dont feel better i'll just stop, its better than being forced to live as a man for the rest of my life"

during the early months of my transition, maybe even the first year and a half, i still kinda identified as a "hrt femboy" or a "nonbinary bigender boygirl" bc i did not feel like i was a real woman or anything, i was just taking estrogen because it alleviated the bad feelings and made me feel happier with my body. i wasnt sure about having boobs yet but i considered it an acceptable tradeoff because everything else made me feel good about my body. i did however, look into SERMs(a type of hormone regulator that can supposedly block estrogenic activity in the breasts) and even briefly used some.

HOWEVER, july of my first year on hrt i got my fateful job at mcdonalds. this period i actually unironically feel like shaped my gender identity to some degree. during the pandemic we all had to wear masks so nobody saw my clocky man chin or anything like that, they just saw my effeminate estrogenized little tits and my beautiful eyes. i got she'd a lot, called pretty, told i was a sweet girl by customers who liked me, and even customers who didn't like me still acted like i was a girl, as they called me a stupid bitch, and said shit like "she got my order wrong" "she was rushing me" stuff like that. being perceived as a woman felt good...i started to identify more with that

a couple times i doubted i was really trans, had some kind of imposter syndrome, that A)i was a fake trans because i denied it for so long, or B) that i didn't DESERVE to be trans because i used to be kind transphobic at times. i tried to stop hrt. every time it didn't take long before i became super dysphoric and decided go to back on it. after a few attempts i kinda realized i belonged on hrt. and when my tits became smaller from attempting to stop i actually felt sad about it, thats how i realized, hey i actually like having boobs, its not a trade off, its one of the benefits

and then bridget came out in guilty gear strive. VERY CONTROVERSIAL thing because suddenly the femboy everyone liked was trans. but. the thing is. i found that very relatable. bc i was also the femboy everyone liked as a femboy, but was kinda trans now, and people who thought i was "based" before, were disgusted at me now. idk. i had a "shes just like me fr" moment and decided i didnt want to keep hiding behind being nonbinary or "hrt femboy" anymore, i wanted to be a girl too. so i just came out and was like yeah i'm she/her pls and my followers who still liked me were like "yeah everyone already saw this coming lol u arent surprising anybody"

anyways yeah the tl;dr is that i basically realized at 25 i could not bear to live with being a man for the rest of my life and i would rather transition than have to be a man, i would rather risk being hated, would rather risk infertility, rather than have to be a man,and it led me to talk to other trans people privately and realize oh hey its not normal for having stubble to send me into a massive depressive episode and thats actually gender dysphoria.

[fipindustries]

super sad super raw break up feelings under the cut, feel free to read if you want

here we are once again, for the third time in a row that a trans girl breaks my heart.

the worst part is always ground zero.

i want to find a life partner, i want to find that person i can live with in the same house and build a life together with and grow old next to them.

every time i meet someone it felt like winning the lottery. it felt like i somehow magically found that one person in the world that could get me. that could tolerate me. that i could click with. i felt like i had that one shot and i had better not screw it up.

maybe im a hopeless old fashioned romantic with an outdated view of relationships but i want a marriage.

but she wasnt it, she couldnt be it. i never really had a shot. it was just not meant to be.

the worst part is being back at ground zero.

is knowing that they are not there any more. is knowing that i am alone once again, with the ensuing fear that every time it happens it will get harder to stop being alone. is the ensuing fear that i wont be able to find anyone better, that i wont be able to find anyone that can fill that void again. it the exaustion that comes with knowing that if i ever find someone else again i will have to start from scratch, i will have to go one more time through the whole rigamarole of telling them about my life, learning about their life. building trust from zero, building a life. how can it feel real again after it failed so many times. it felt like the real deal so many times before and it never ended up being it. it makes one despair of ever finding it.

is just more baggage turning me into more spoiled goods

i want to have what i had but i cant see myself having it with anyone else, i cant bring my self to try and build it up again with some stranger. my biggest fear in life is not to die, but to die alone and every time im back here again that feel becomes all the more real.

the worst part is finding my self back in ground zero.

two times i tried to build something serious and long lasting with someone else and in both occasions that person got bored with me, got over me, couldnt bring themselves to love me the way i wanted to be loved. they changed in some way, or i changed in some way, and whatever they used to feel for me got dulled and weak.

am i asking too much here? are my demands unreasonable? am i being entitled, do i have ridiculous standards? why do they people i love eventually grow distant, eventually grow tired of being touched, why do i reach a point where i have to ask them to spend time with me and they only wearily agree to do it as a favor to me not because they want to? why do i keep finding myself in situations where i have to keep hearing my partner say "no" to favors i ask for and me having to graciously brush it off as if its no big deal and of course they are fully within their rights to say no and, no, it doesnt bother me at all that is the 6th time theyve done it in a row despite me doing everything they ask for. why do i keep finding myself feeling alone despite being in a relationship. why do i keep finding myself in a situation where i feel like i am imposing on my partner merely by asking to spend time with them? is this normal? am i doing something wrong here?

not going to lie, this last relationship was a bit of a mess, there was a lot of arguments, a lot of crying, a lot of little insatisfactions and things not fitting quite right here and there and lots of little incompatibilities that kept popping up. and yet this is not relief, she was perfect all the same, she was great, she was amazing, she was fantastic. she was funny and so incredibly bloody smart and so so silly. and she was so challenging, she would bring a perspective that was so starkly in conflict with everything i believed in, she made me question so many fundamental things about the way i view life and philosophy and art. she was so fucking cute, she was downright adorable, specially when she insisted that she wasnt, and she was so jaded and so raw and weird and insane and uncomfortable and sinister and unpredictable. she was so full of words and of creativity and imagination and so impressively cultured. she was dark and intense and she would glimmer like hidden embers beneath ash covered obsidian.

she was fucking crazy man, she was a crazy bitch, that is why i loved her so much.

and now she is gone.

[4townlove]

Some thoughts about Tyler....

Tyler is a gay trans boy whose initial hatred of Meilin, her friends and all things 4Town is an attempt to prove himself as a man by rejecting all things deemed "girly".

of course, this is a belief that was spawned from immense internalised transphobia, despite being fully supported by his parents.

however, being that his gender journey and envy began with pictures of Aaron Z, of which he plastered all over the underside of his bed and proceeded to gaze enviously then longingly at for hours while his parents thought he was sleeping, it wasnt long before his interest in 4Town became too profound to hide behind internalised transphobia and homophobia that he projected with bullying.

their music was too catchy and encouraging, helping him through the worst of his dysphoria time and time again; Aaron Z wasn't just a source of gender envy and appearance aspiration but was starting to swell some longing in Tyler that he'd never felt before, didnt understand and was too afraid to talk about.

everyhting was coming to a head and in an attempt to escape it all for at least one night, Tyler asked his parents if he could go to the 4Town concert, a place where he'd be surrounded by people who didnt know him and thus, couldnt judge him for who he was or what (and who) he liked. little did he know that that night of the concert would be the start of everything good to come.

the friendship and immediate acceptance he gains with Meimei, Miriam, Priya and Abby not only helps him come out of his shell and show more of his personality, it also helped him to begin chipping away at the negative thoughts that had been plaguing him regarding his gender and emerging sexuality.

Tyler learns that he is just as much a guy as any other guy regardless of his interests or attraction to (at least) Aaron Z, and sets out on the start of self acceptance and pride in everything that makes him himself.

[manstrans]

hi! so i really want to approach you in good faith here, because maybe i'm just confused about what everyone's arguing about? i'm autistic so sometimes i totally miss these nuances. and i think we have a lot in common on this topic bc i'm also a trans man who was forced into femininity for a period (i came out in middle school to... bad reception).

but i really don't understand why you feel attacked by the jokes going around right now? because like, yes, men includes trans men. but when my dad made me wear girls clothes he wasnt going '(as a queer tumblr user who likes having sex with feminine men) you need to wear makeup and 'slay' to have worth'. he was going 'you're a girl so wear girl clothes or else'.

like, i cant help but see the jokes being made as obvious hyperbolic statements, and i dont see any connection between them and the trauma guys like you and i went thru. cause when i was bullied into being feminine, it wasnt because 'men have to do that' it was because 'afab people are women'.

i guess the gulf of meaning between transphobes saying 'youre a girl so do x' and someone on tumblr jokingly saying 'men need to do x or else' is so wide that i'm not seeing the connection? if anything, i think its neat that guys wearing skirts is cool now and not just something that was used to subjugate me.

but clearly you dont feel that way. and i was hoping you could maybe explain why? because im seeing what youre saying and i understand all of it (trans guys SHOULDNT have to dress feminine, and obvs abuse is bad). but i guess i just dont understand what it had to do with the post, which everyone seems to think was only a joke?

basically my point is everything youre saying makes sense, w/r/t mistreatment against trans men, but only i don't understand why the post upset you. and since people are taking sides i'd really like to hear from you instead of just people laughing about it.

ty for asking!! I really do appreciate when people ask for more information on stuff like this

the genre of joke is upsetting to me because the specific wording makes it feel like wether or not a space is progressive doesn't matter, my masculinity will never be seen as something that has to be fought for. even if it's just a joke, it's still really uncomfortable to hear the underlying message of "it would be more groundbreaking if you were feminine" or "you should be feminine for me specifically" when that hits too close to home, even if the person doesn't really mean it it's still uncomfortable to see. appreciation of feminine men is great and I'm all here for it! but putting down masculine men doesn't only target cishet white men and people act like it does when you point that out

the specific post I've been upset about lately though was making fun of a post that I made, the person who made it reblogged a screenshot of my post without the context that I'm trans and then made a post mocking my post immediately after. I did reply to that post explaining the backstory of my post and I tried to be respectful but they've doubled down and, as far as I'm aware, still have not even acknowledged the actual context of the original post they mocked

the genre of post I'm not too upset about, I wouldn't consider it super progressive but it's also not the worst thing in the world. the specific post however is upsetting given the context of it

[autismsubway-remade]

waitok. rottmnt headcanons GO.

donnie

autism + ocd (hes just like me for realsies)

trans/nb, bisexual (he/they/it prns)

hes YOUNGER THAN LEO (by 5 minutes. he figured it out w science stuff idk)

likes baking bc its like chemistry but you can eat ur experiments it w/out dying (usually)

stress baker

knows asl and a little bit of japanese (from splinter)

back/posture issues (worse after the kraang bc of shell damage)

chronic back pain...bones of an 80 yr old

mikey

adhd

agender + aroace (uses any pronouns but mostly he/she. none gender left boy is how he describes it)

has a deep interest in psychology and would pursue a career as a therapist if it wasnt for the whole. turtle thing

looks up to leo and thinks hes sooo cool until she turns like 12 and realizes oh hes kinda lame actually. still his idol though bc hes funny

besties w sunita ^_^ bc i said so. new sister acquired

likes watching raph knit

chronic pain after the kraang, as well as tremors

leo

adhd + autism

needs glasses like donnie but thinks they make him look like a nerd so he never wears them..hed rather be blind (until he eventually gets contacts that is)

is actually a nerd, just in denial

trans + gay (he/him)

the WORST flirter ever. so bad at it. absolutely abysmal. he gets zero bitches

is afraid of cold, dark spaces after the whole Kraang Fiasco

saw gram gram in the prison dimension for a bit b4 being rescued <3

knows the most languages (english, asl, spanish, japanese)

likes boxing

cried for an hour when casey jr accidentally called him dad

raph

anxiety + ocd

trans + biromantic asexual (he/they)

loves knitting <3 he makes his brothers and april new sweaters every year

stress knitter. it helps him calm down. after the kraang incident he knit so much that he ended up w 3 piles of scarves, blankets, sweaters and other various items. april donated some bc there were just So Many

watches donnie bake a lot and vehemently denies eating the raw dough (even when donnie catches him)

sometimes sees gram gram in his dreams

rly good at dancing actually

sleeps w a mountain of teddy bears. cries if he accidentally knocks one off the bed

april

adhd + anxiety

nb lesbian (she/they)

TWO GIRLFRIENDS (cassandra + sunita)

has a cat named mona lisa :] shes a calico and frequently hides in aprils backpack to sneak into the lair. donnies her second fav

has Eldest Sister Syndrome

literally the only hamato who actually knows how to take care of herself. frequently reminds her brothers to do that as well

HUGE gossip. w donnie specifically. she'll come over after work and shit talk customers/shitty co workers and he'll just listen and occasionally suggest manslaughter

lied abt being 18 to get a crane license </3

helps the brothers w their post kraang issues

cassandra

adhd

trans lesbian (she/her)

casey jrs biological mom despite saying she found him in the trash

named him after the greatest warrior she knows. herself

raphs bestie! he scruffs her like a cat when she gets too violent.

theyre vigilante buds! shes commited murder before

bit so many kraang zombies. claimed they tasted like bubblegum (they did not)

slightly feral, maybe rabid

actually scarily intelligent, she's just. a little insane

cried when she met casey jr. shes so proud of him

casey jr

So Much Trauma. All Of It. anxiety + ocd + autism

trans + questioning (no time for teen romance in the apocalypse, he/him)

once he gets more comfy w the turtles and family he stops w the sensei or master and starts calling them uncles ^_^ (leo is dad, casey + april + sunita r mom, draxum + splinter are grandpa and big mama is nana)

so many parental figures, watched them all die

the worst fashion sense known to man. its so bad its embarassing

very smart bc he was taught by future donnie, ended up just going to college immediately despite being like, ~15/16

very proud of his stubble :]

loves hockey! plays it w his moms

showers everyday once he figures out what showers actually are

cant sleep alone, if he wakes up alone he freaks out rly bad

good at cooking! not amazing, but good! was mostly joking about eating rats (thinks its funny)

[bi4pan-polls]

okay so! i am here with propaganda for Rashmi Jamil and Amelie Macon (Rashmelie) from Entropic Float!

most of my propaganda is reused whole cloth from what ive said for 17 million years of pining, so there will be a significant amount of focus on how long it took them to get together

anyway.

oh. my god. where the fuck do i start with them for real.

okay so, theyve been friends since early childhood, and before either of them came out (Rashmi is agender, they/them, while Amelie is a trans girl, she/her, and they are in fact canonically bi4pan - or pan4bi, if were going by name order, since Rashmi is pan and Amelie is bi). the earliest time that we know that they have feelings for each other is when theyre both 14, and Rashmi - already out, with their entire family (parents and grandma) supporting them without question - is moving. uhhh 90% of american geography names are the same to me so i might lie there. from Nevada, where they both grew up, to New York, where Rashmi is planning on studying dance further, which has always been their plan; around 14 is when they ran out of teachers at home.

they quietly hope Amelie doesnt confess her feelings for them, as they fear it might tempt them to stay, which they cannot allow themself to do.

Amelie, meanwhile, is very carefully not thinking about gender, because her parents are quite frankly the worst. over the course of the years before they meet back up, Amelie has had some dates, but each time, they dont work out, and in her own words, put logs on the flame she carries for Rashmi.

Rashmi, meanwhile. gets married.

one of Rashmi's biggest struggles in their romantic pursuits has been the fact that they are both Indian and queer. it has been a struggle for them to find someone who respects both - someone who respects their gender identity while not throwing their culture under the bus. that is one of the factors contributing to the way their relationship with "Ajay" (we learn that this name isnt his real one, but it was magically replaced in Rashmi's memories of him and we dont know it) played out: he is also Indian, and the first thing he asked them upon meeting them was what their pronouns were. and it was all good.

until it wasnt.

i would love to get into that deeper, but the important point is that "Ajay" is kind of a piece of garbage, whose crimes include finding Rashmi's address when they didnt give it out, deliberately not sending Amelie her wedding invitation because Rashmi told him they used to have a crush on her, driving them to drop out of dance school, and general possessiveness (notable being the fact that, whenever he is home, he always asks them to stay home too, which leads to them dropping their social circle and their hobbies). one of the places it grows from is "Ajay" being ace and not quite believing that Rashmi accepts that. he also has a substance abuse problem.

all of that culminates as they return from a short visit to their parents, and he in a fit pushes them down a long flight of stairs.

in the meantime... god, i cant even figure out what parts of information are important about Amelie here. i would put as notable the fact that she only figured out she was a girl something like a year before the events of the game - and only ever came out to Rashmi, who in turn told their parents...

and who didnt realize that Amelie's workplace didnt know.

her workplace is just. terrible in social terms. she loves the work itself (its food industry, a restaurant in a casino, dont remember the exact job description) but her coworkers are being the absolute worst. a cesspool of toxic masculinity. also an environment for Amelie's undiagnosed psychosis. she is prone to auditory hallucinations.

after being outed to her boss while also hearing from Rashmi's parents that their husband is... lets just say bad for them, she, while safely at home, hallucinates that her boss or maybe her father is breaking down the door.

simultaneously with Rashmi as they are falling down the stairs, they make Wishes.

these are not widely understood; from the context of the game, it seems as though some people get a Wish when in significant peril, or in distress. you do not need to use the Wish immediately as you get it, but they both did.

essentially, what Rashmi Wishes for is a way to escape from their husband that wouldnt raise a fuss; and Amelie Wishes for a place where she and Rashmi can both be safe. (i am very muddly on the details there) their Wishes create the anomalous clocktower where the game takes place.

Oh my gosh,,,couple of all. Not just Pan4bi couple of all time. Just couple of all time in the world.

*Propaganda for Rashmelie from Entropic Float Part 1

[damnfandomproblems]

see i knew being anon was the best idea because look at those people saying/implying i hate trans or jewish people. i absolutely dont hate them thanks i wasnt talking about the harrassment in the reblogs or reply's on ny post of this blog specifically. im talking about the fact that that people seem to think its acceptable to harrass others over this dumb fucking video game nd call them a transphobe or whatever im gonna quote this one specifically "Full offense but terfs/transphobes/edgy dudebros literally do this to trans people everyday and literally fight for the right to violate trans peoples' human rights" and while thats horrible you are right now using that as an excuse to, as i will quote from another person, "dehumanize certain groups to void them of their human rights". you are doing the exact same thing as those " terfs/transphobes/edgy dudebros" and thats horrible. they may be wrong but they are still human. and i feel fucking terrible for all the trans and jewish lives lost. i do. but that does not make it right to wish death on anyone else for it. even if they were the cause of death or harrassment. please reevaluate your actions and beliefs. and shout out to that one reblog on the first ask. you get it exactly. your money is going to the developers. people have every right to decide not to buy the game because it makes you uncomfortable that any amount no matter how small is going to rowling. and i was talking about small indie games. the fact that you would think that only small indie games can have bad people for its developers just to "debunk" my point is pretty sad. and one more thing. im not blindly defending harry potter. im tellling yall fucking bullying people is wrong. no matter which side your on. no matter how right you think you are. being dehumanized does not give you the right to dehumanize. and saying so does not mean i side with transphobes or anything. this is the last im gonna speak on this because i cant believe saying "dont bully and dehumanize people" is a bad fucking take, and that people are willing to put words in my mouth and assume the worst of me because im not willing to outright kill people for disagreeing with me or others even over whether or not certain groups deserve to live. fucking. amazing.

Posting this response to a previous ask.

This is why I like having anon for this type of blog.

[floatingonalowvibe]

chapter four

A/n: this is where the actual story is going to begin. It's taking place around 1999

Tw:this chapter is going to discuss topics of abuse. This chapter doesn't have much information other than the abuse. Feel free to skip if you aren't comfortable with that stuff. And drink some water.

My head was swimming. I had so much to say, but I knew I couldn't say it. She would never believe me.

I sat in the uncomfortable chairs, watching as the school counselor wrote notes in her book.

I had lied this entire time. All the questions she asked for closer and closer to me telling the truth, about what happened.

I knew she would never believe me. And even if she did, everyone has it fixed in their blind minds that Rose is the sweetest girl ever, and she would never do the things she did to me.

They spread lies, about what really happened. They told my secret.

I started to fiddle with the edges of my sleeve. The silence in this room was suffocating me. I felt as if I were being compressed.

" I just want you to know, I'm always here, you can tell me anything." She said, a sympathetic look on her face.

I forced a smile, the type where you press your lips together. I gave her a nod.

Once I was out of that office, I felt like crawling into the nearest locker and hiding forever, I wanted the floor to give way and consume me.

It was the end of the day, so I headed over to my locker. I quickly grabbed my stuff before the halls would fill with people. My walkman was in my bag, so I searched for it. Once I found it, I popped in a cassette of a new band I really like, Bikini kill. I put the track on shuffle.

College sucks. I don't know why I applied in the first place. I guess because Neil wanted me out of the house, and he wanted me to do something productive with my life. I enrolled in art studies. At first, I enjoyed it, all the art I could make, and how all I was given was a prompt, and I got to create whatever my mind wanted. I loved it.

Until I got outed. You see, I'm trans. I was born female, but am more comfortable with male. And I say I pass, but sometimes when I wear feminine things, I get looked at weird.

It all started with Rose. She was, in my eyes, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. Her long curly hair, her perfect smooth tan skin, her voice had me down on my knees. I never thought she would notice me, as I wasn't really a popular person at school. I stuck with a few people I thought were cool, and that was that.

One day, I was just sitting in the classroom, doing my work for another class. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and to my surprise, it was Rose. She leaned on my desk, and I could tell she was trying to be extra.

" I've been seeing you in this class for a while, and I think your pretty cute...wanna get some lunch sometime?" As she said that, she slipped me a piece of paper, which I assumed to be her number. I was speechless. She actually liked me.She walked away with a wink, leaving me to sit.

A few weeks later, we were over at her house. This was the first time I saw a red flag. But I was still stupid enough to stay in the relationship.

We were watching a movie, and I could tell she wasn't paying attention. She kept putting her hands on me, my thighs, my arms. I started to get uncomfortable, so I told her I wasnt ready for that. Her face changed, she looked almost mad.

"You're such a pussy." She said, turning her head back to the tv.

The touching became a everyday thing. She would walk over to my desk at school and try and grab my thighs. She would come over to my place unannounced and act like she owned the place.

It was only when I tried to break up with her that it got to it's worst point.

As soon as I said the words "I'm not comfortable in this relationship" she started freaking out. Crying and pissed, she started throwing her arms at me, hitting me in my face, stomach, and arms. I quickly put my arms up in self defense, but she was stronger than she looks.

You know that saying "never hit a woman" ? I think that's bullshit. If women want equal rights, they get equal fights.

So I hit back. I'm self trained, so I'm kinda bad, but I got her right in her nose.She was taken aback. She walked backwards, touching her nose.

"YOU HIT ME???!!!" she screamed"Of course I fucking hit you! You think I was just going to let you hit me?"

I stated back, getting back up on my feet.I watched as her nose bled and she ran out the door.I didn't know what to do. I was done for. She was going to tell everyone that I hit her for no reason. I was dead.

The rumor wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be thankfully. But the stares from people in the hall were the worst. I just gave them a weird look back. I knew as long as I know what happened, no one can tell me I was in the wrong.After that, the only times I saw her was in class.She came up to me one day, looking sad. She said she wanted to talk.She told me that what she did was wrong, and that she would like to try again

.Why did I ever believe that.

She took me to her house, and she came in with drinks.

Turns out she drugged me.

I woke up on her bed, my wrists and ankles tied down. Her yelling was all I could hear.

My vision was blurry and since then I have suppressed most of the event. But I do remember the feeling of my clothes being torn off, the feeling of her hands in places I never wanted anyone to know about.

A couple of weeks later and it didn't hurt as bad.I can still feel her though. She touched me. She hurt me. I still wake up in the middle of the night crying about it. Or run out of my bed to the bathroom to puke my guts up.

---------------------------------------------------

Niel finally got me to break. He took me to this clinic to get me checked out. They found evidence that I was in fact raped by her.I don't feel like going into to detail as to what she did but all you need to know is that she did it.

He took me back home (mom and his house). He told mom, to which she came into my room crying, hugging me. I hugged her back, and I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks. I just wish all my emotions would go away sometimes. I wrote letters to Bernard describing the situation and my feelings on it.

It took me forever to actually accept what happened, and that no, it wasn't all a bad dream. In my letter to Bernard, I told him how I wished I could spend the rest of my days with him at the north pole, as living where I am fucking sucks.

[unpopularshipbracket]

Round 1a Match 1

Rashmi Jamil/Amelie Macon (Entropic Float)

Fic count: 0

Liam Dunbar/Hayden Romero (Teen Wolf)

Fic count: 336

Propaganda under the cut

Rashmelie:

"this essay is going to be reused whole cloth from the submission of them to the 17 million years of pining poll! because unfortunately i do not have the energy to go insane enough to write up anything new oh.

my god. where the fuck do i start with them for real.

okay so, theyve been friends since early childhood, and before either of them came out (Rashmi is agender, they/them, while Amelie is a trans girl, she/her, and they are both mspec which is a bit less relevant but is also there). the earliest time that we know that they have feelings for each other is when theyre both 14, and Rashmi - already out, with their entire family (parents and grandma) supporting them without question - is moving. uhhh 90% of american geography names are the same to me so i might lie there. from Nevada, where they both grew up, to New York, where Rashmi is planning on studying dance further, which has always been their plan; around 14 is when they ran out of teachers at home.

they quietly hope Amelie doesnt confess her feelings for them, as they fear it might tempt them to stay, which they cannot allow themself to do. Amelie, meanwhile, is very carefully not thinking about gender, because her parents are quite frankly the worst. over the course of the years before they meet back up, Amelie has had some dates, but each time, they dont work out, and in her own words, put logs on the flame she carries for Rashmi.

Rashmi, meanwhile. gets married. one of Rashmi's biggest struggles in their romantic pursuits has been the fact that they are both Indian and queer. it has been a struggle for them to find someone who respects both - someone who respects their gender identity while not throwing their culture under the bus. that is one of the factors contributing to the way their relationship with "Ajay" (we learn that this name isnt his real one, but it was magically replaced in Rashmi's memories of him and we dont know it) played out: he is also Indian, and the first thing he asked them upon meeting them was what their pronouns were. and it was all good.

until it wasnt.

i would love to get into that deeper, but the important point is that "Ajay" is kind of a piece of garbage, whose crimes include finding Rashmi's address when they didnt give it out, deliberately not sending Amelie her wedding invitation because Rashmi told him they used to have a crush on her, driving them to drop out of dance school, and general possessiveness (notable being the fact that, whenever he is home, he always asks them to stay home too, which leads to them dropping their social circle and their hobbies). one of the places it grows from is "Ajay" being ace and not quite believing that Rashmi accepts that. he also has a substance abuse problem.

all of that culminates as they return from a short visit to their parents, and he in a fit pushes them down a long flight of stairs.

in the meantime... god, i cant even figure out what parts of information are important about Amelie here. i would put as notable the fact that she only figured out she was a girl something like a year before the events of the game - and only ever came out to Rashmi, who in turn told their parents...

and who didnt realize that Amelie's workplace didnt know. her workplace is just. terrible in social terms. she loves the work itself (its food industry, a restaurant in a casino, dont remember the exact job description) but her coworkers are being the absolute worst. a cesspool of toxic masculinity. also an environment for Amelie's undiagnosed psychosis. she is prone to auditory hallucinations.

after being outed to her boss while also hearing from Rashmi's parents that their husband is... lets just say bad for them, she, while safely at home, hallucinates that her boss or maybe her father is breaking down the door.

simultaneously with Rashmi as they are falling down the stairs, they make Wishes.

these are not widely understood; from the context of the game, it seems as though some people get a Wish when in significant peril, or in distress. you do not need to use the Wish immediately as you get it, but they both did.

essentially, what Rashmi Wishes for is a way to escape from their husband that wouldnt raise a fuss; and Amelie Wishes for a place where she and Rashmi can both be safe. (i am very muddly on the details there) their Wishes create the anomalous clocktower where the game takes place."

Layden:

"THEYRE SO FUN !! liam and hayden went to the same middle school and absolutely hated each other because they got into a fight right before picture day in 6th grade and they had black eyes and bruises and shit in their yearbook photos. they meet again in their sophomore year of high school and both of them are still holding that grudge a little bit, before liam tries to make amends. plot stuff happens and liam ends up saving haydens life, and their romance kinda begins. teen wolf has this lore where werewolves can take pain from people (it’s a weird show with weird lore) and they both take each others pain by kissing. hayden (temporarily) dies in liams arms and when she comes back she says nothing feels right anymore, except for him. during their first season they also have this fun romeo and juliet/opposite sides dynamic. and in their second season hayden puts her literal existence at stake because she trusts liam enough to save her. theyre so good."

[heavenlybubbles]

Oh man you ARE a delusional "she/her" like I thought. I wrote a whole nice thing about how you're a clownish fool who wasnt born when I was taping tos from reruns to watch later, but the bashir blog blocked me like the little clown they are.

Ds9 is about friendship and sacrifice, and notnfor nothing not being a pussy about doing undavory things to not die, not some retarded ideas about religion. The wormhole aliens lied to and used the bajorans for their own purposes, and are rightly called out many times for being selfish assholes. One species in this cases delusions dont speak for everyone.

I don't think you grasped the message of TNG about not being a selfish rube. Or that of TOS about sticking to a moral code. Or Enterprise about challenging your preconceived viewpoints. Or Voyager about expanding your horizons and changing the way you think about humanity in a logical way. Go back and re watch and let us know when you stop being a fairytale enthusiast!

BruUUUUuuuuuh. This is the first ask I have received in like ten years. I'm so jazzed.

There is so much to unpack here holy shit. What's absolutely sending me is the Snidely Wiplash mustache twirling like "Oh BOY its one of the PrOnoUN pEOpLe, I know exactly how to OWN them." Hello, my guy you are on the queer site. We fucking live here. I think you took the wrong turn on the way to the TradWives community?

I'm a Tumblr Elder^TM but thank you for thinking I'm a lil baby fetus. I know its hard to understand but there are old gays that exist on the internet. Hi, OLD.

I don't have much to rebuttable the themes listed for each of the Star Trek series because literally all of them are like the worst of hot takes while including the minimum requirement of all worst hot takes; at least one slur. Fucking yikes to that. My only comment is that while you are seeing Star Trek through the tiny porthole that your narrow worldview allows, the rest of us that are kind human beings with open minds get to see the whole picture. Over here we have canonically trans Jadzia, Ben Sisko: Jesus 2.0, and like margaritas in the holodeck. You can have your little porthole and be the king of your sad little boat.

Listen, no one owes you a damn thing. Not a response, not even a passing glance. This is the void, dude, and you're just yelling out all the thoughts you should have worked out in therapy already. You have a big fucking problem with religions so does literally everyone else on here (except like some of the TradWives we don't talk about them.) We're the queer little hellsite, remember?? Literally calling the kettle black in a room full of people with black kettles. Like what the fuck are you doing, man? Stop it, get some help.

Also:

why are you following me then

Pardon???????