#if there’s a way to make it about andreil i’ll find it

[lizandreil]

do y’all say “sunrise, abram, death” to yourselves a few times a day too or are you normal?

[aftgficrec]

andreil being domestic in front of the foxes

Everyone is so surprised to see these two being soft! -A

latest foxes react asks

Foxes react to coupley Andreil here

Foxes react: andreil can’t hide it here

Foxes walk in on cute andreil here

more foxes react

andreil having incomprehensible convos here

andreil + pda here and andreil casual pda here

kandreil coming out to wymack/the foxes here

andreil secret marriage here and secret marriage/relationship here

‘It's a Home’ here 

‘I Found’ here

‘A Dad By Any Other Name’ and ‘small as a wish in a well’ here

‘you're here and you're you’ here 

‘it starts like this,’ ‘Love's an Endgame, but It's Not a Game,’ ‘hedge your bets,’ ‘can you keep a secret?,’ ‘The Bet,’ ‘We aim to win,’ ‘They Look Like The Stars,’ and the tumblr posts here

‘Andreil Massages Turned War…’ here

‘andrew minyard’s gossip sessions with david wymack’ here

‘What everyone doesn't see unless they look close enough.’ series: part 1 here, part 2 here, part 3 here

‘Secret Privacy’ here

‘simple romance,’ ‘call it what you want,’ ‘The Foxes Date Night,’ and ‘Andrew scares the waiter’ here

‘Consequences of Coaching’ here

‘they match’ and ‘baby, baby’ here

‘Better than a Blanket, Your Coat’ here

‘Surprise?’ here

and more

‘night by night’ here

‘you make my heart shake, bend & brake,’ ‘we'll be the last ones dancing…,’ and ‘you, forever, everyday.’ here 

‘Calling All My Lovelies,’ ‘for a heart beats best…,’ ‘Not boyfriends,’ and ‘Neil calling Andrew cute nicknames’ here

‘I'll See You in My Dreams’ and ‘Seeing Stars’ here

‘there's no way JOSTEN has a girlfriend,’ ‘every piece of you, it just fits perfectly,’ and ‘The One Where Everyone Finds Out’ here

‘Same old fresh air’ here 

‘never stood a chance’ and ‘You've Begun to Feel Like Home’ here

‘Happy Birthday, Neil.,’ ‘ i wanna hold your hand,’ and ‘Fuzzy Feelings’ here

‘The Road Trip’ here

‘Dare You,’ ‘never have i ever…,’ ‘Too Drunk,’ and ‘Here.’ here

‘i’ll crawl home to him’ here

‘Halloween couples costumes’ and ‘skirt and a crop top’ here

‘ANDREIL + #120’ and ‘neil gets his wisdom teeth taken out’ here

‘Hospitals and Anesthesia,’ ‘ I see who you are,’ ‘Ficlet Collection’ Ch 10 and ‘Going Green’ here

‘the one with the black sweater’ here

‘In Too Deep,’ ‘Surfin' U.S.A,’ ‘In a Lifeguard's Gaze,’ and ‘andreil + the beach’ here 

‘Me and You’ series here

‘Andreil- Piggy Back Rides’ here

‘The Love We Lost (then found)’ here (completed)

‘Sugar & Spice (and everything... nice?),’ ‘skylight,’ and ‘scarier things’ here

‘Hungover,’ ‘neil josten goes to the dentist,’ ‘mistakes were made (but it's okay),’ and ‘au where Neil and Katelyn work at a coffee shop’ here  

‘Twinyard Trouble’ and ‘the ‘which one is Andrew’ game’ here

‘Identity Theft,’ ‘don't be so cold,’ and ‘Step 1 in "How To Handle A Crisis"...’ here

pro teams/outsiders reacting to andreil

foxes react + pov outsider here

freshmen react/pov outsider here

andreil secret relationship/relationship reveal here

canon compliant, post canon Minyard-Josten rivalry here

details of Andreil being intimate go public here

andreil in a magazine here

‘Professor Neil’ series here

‘Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before’ here

you may also like

foxes revise opinion of Andrew here

super and long domestic andreil

Like no one does by trubenblack [Rated T, 3689 Words, Complete, 2023]

He should get up, he should go for a run but as soon as he looks at his husband he decides he would rather just stay here. Andrew’s face is calm, smooth. Not in the way it used to be, he looks younger, the wrinkles that are just beginning to form between his eyebrows and on his forehead smoothed. - A day in the life of two men that are simply in love thats literally it

Married To Annoy by chaoticas_hell [Not Rated, 6068 Words, Complete, 2023]

Andrew and Aaron's relationship was better, much better, than it had ever been before. They could talk to each other about anything, fights no longer threatened to destroy their relationship. It was very peaceful. And that was boring as hell. So Andrew plans to do something about it, something that would majorly piss off his dear brother. So Andrew decides to marry his long-term boyfriend, Neil Josten- the guy his brother can't stand.

Definitely Not Valentine's Day by sillyunicorn6154 [Rated T, 961 Words, Complete, 2023]

In which Neil and Andrew definitely don't celebrate Valentine's Day.

head case (what to do with you) by Major_816 [Not Rated, 4007 Words, Complete, 2023]

It bolsters him now. Because Andrew’s in the hospital and this medical fuck with an incompetency problem won’t let Neil in to see him. ~ Andrew gets hurt and Neil...handles it.

tw: major character injury, tw: blood/gore

midnight love by imaddictedtoreading [Not Rated, 2141 Words, Complete, 2023]

Andrew and Neil have been acting very couple-y lately. 5 times somebody witnesses a moment and one time Andrew clears everything up

Words Are Important Too by sensetia [Rated G, 1937 Words, Complete, 2021]

They all knew that Andrew and Neil loved each other. They’d seen it through subtle touches and passing glances throughout the years. But what they didn’t know is if the two boys said it to each other. Did they say ‘I love you’ ? Did they whisper sweet nothings in each others ears? Did they hold hands just for the sake of being close? Did they kiss when there was really no reason to? That’s what the foxes wanted to know.

tw: nightmares, tw: implied/referenced torture

flashes of intimacy by mostly_maudlin [Rated T, Collection, Complete, 2023]

NB: this series was recced in our romantic andreil/growing together ask

Chapter 1: death threats [506 Words] Andrew’s expression cracks, his baseline apathy shrinking under bright headlights. Neil hears Nicky calling his name, and then he’s being yanked up onto the curb, almost knocking Andrew over in the process. Chapter 14: "devotion" [493 Words] Neil sees Andrew across the dining hall first, but it doesn’t take long for Andrew’s eyes to meet his as he scans the room. Chapter 18: baby steps [443 Words] “Truth or dare, Neil?” 

Forever Is A Big Word by ADifferentTime [Rated G, 14154 Words, Complete, 2022]

Neil gets injured and ends up in the hospital which leads to a marriage proposal and a very quick courthouse wedding with all of their friends.

Pointless by maqicien [Not Rated, 3034 Words, Complete, 2022]

The Foxes have only ever known him as the vicious, vindictive Monster he’s portrayed himself as. Now, he’s a mystery no one knows how to solve; hard and violent for strangers, soft and gentle for this boy with the sharp smile. - 5 times the Foxes accidentally spied on Andrew and his secret boyfriend and the 1 time they actually get to meet him.

One day we'll reveal the truth by allyasavedtheday [Rated T, 3773 Words, Complete, 2019, locked]

“Is there a reason you don’t like Neil?” Bee asks him then and Aaron doesn’t understand how the fuck they got onto this when she’s supposed to be fixing him and Andrew. “I don’t trust him,” he says eventually. “All he’s done since he’s got here is cause trouble.”

TFC headcannons by Sugden_in_a_beanie [Not Rated, Collection, Updated 2018]

Chapter 1 Instagram  Chapter 11 Pancakes  Chapter 13 professional Exy after the match when they all line up and shake hands they take kids on with them too

Tumblr Drabbles by PumpkinspiceLou (CatyDreamDwyer) [Not Rated, Collection, Updated Jan 2022]

Chapter 4: Secret Husbands Neil gets injured during a game (set after everyone has graduated/gone pro)

these feelings, they keep running the red by orphan_account [Rated M, 3589 Words, Complete, 2020]

Neil Josten had never imagined getting married. He’d never been allowed to. He was meant to keep himself disconnected and alone, only in the company of his mother. He couldn’t let himself be distracted by the girl he kissed in eighth grade, sticky with lipgloss, let alone marriage. His mother had told him, endlessly, that love was nothing. It was worthless. Attraction was weakness, love was pain. or, 5 times Neil thinks about marriage, and 1 time he gets married.

tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Nap Time is Best Time by Willow_bird [Rated G, 2659 Words, Complete, 2021]

“Is he dead?” “Don’t be stupid, he’s clearly breathing.” “Yeah, okay, but like - you should go check.” --- The Foxes are chaos-gremlins who have to stick their noses into EVERYTHING. Neil loves them anyway

Photo Shoot by sheskyripa [Rated G, 2473 Words, Complete, 2021]

Neil was not shy, not at all. He had no problem with being placed in front of a camera and saying shit about everything he was thinking. But a photoshoot was completely different. A photoshoot would have an almost total focus on his appearance and Neil didn't like it at all. or, the Foxes have to do a photo shoot and Neil is not happy with it. Andrew helps.

tw: scars

NB: fanart by @linecrosser here 

AJMICKEY56's Fanfiction Palooza! by AJMICKEY56 [Rated G, Multifandom Collection, Complete, 2023]

Chapter 2: aaron asking andrew to tell neil to help him with math Chapter 82: aaron saying something homophobic…this time neil won't ignore it and chews aaron out

tw: homophobia

Chapter 86: Three times Andrew couldn't help but smile and one time he chose to. Chapter 100: foxes react to neil buying the maserati for andrew

Master post for Fluent Freshman AU by @jtl-fics [Tumblr Fic, 2023] The serialized adventures of a foreign language major freshman Fox who is unwittingly subjected to sappy Russian pet names and spicy flirting between Captain Neil and the scary goalie. 

Foxes Reacting to Andreil by @kanekicure [Tumblr, 2022]

foxes reacting to andreil being cute by @rainbow-femme [Tumblr, 2017]

foxes accepting and loving andreil fluff prompt fill by @whatmack [Tumblr, 2019]

the upperclassmen. the monsters. andreil. fandom fun post by @lemonboyjosten [Tumblr, 2023]

Neil: *sticks Andrew’s hand under his shirt* fandom fun post by @4-fox-sake-txtpost [Tumblr, 2019]

Art

mittens and stitches art by @greenchilypepper

anyway this is gay and transparent art by @rotenkehl

Cute lil AFTG tweet 😌art by @eislekaj on instagram

andrew minyard this is boyfriend behavior…  art by @02511213942

i'm sorry kevin... it's too early for this art by @02511213942

this bastard is kissing my brother art by @jayjuls

aftg meme redraw art by @s-hanna-h

he does that sometimes art by @jeannemaybedarc

[dragoncat223]

6.

I read a post here somewhere about Andreil saying I love you. I know Nora says they don’t say it explicitly, hell, I know there are so many different ways to say it, but I just… My feelings aside the post said that Andrew says it once.

Neil is not one to assume anything about Andrew, including his feeling for Neil. So what if Neil did know Andrew loves him, because he does. I wrote something small, I meant to expand on it for Valentines Day, but I just got distracted by life, but I suppose I’ll post it here and work on the rest later, as I did promise my bestie I’d write the full fic. Eventually. This is supposed to be toward the end of the fic end when Andrew finds out that Neil is being a dumb martyr, staying with Andrew, even when Neil thinks Andrew doesn’t love him.

Anger and frustration warred inside Andrew’s chest. That idiot.

He pushed Neil up against the wall, their faces inches apart. “I am only going to say this once, so listen closely.”

Neil blinked at him and stayed silent, not that Andrew would have waited to see if his idiot was actually paying attention. “You. Are. Everything. Do you understand me? Everything.”

Andrew took a moment to make sure that information made its way into Neil’s thick skull, then stepped back. He straightened his jacket and began to walk away, but like he is wont to do, Neil caught up with him. There was a big smile on his face. “So… You like me.”

“I hate you.”

“You like me.” Andrew was starting to regret ever talking to Neil.

“I hate you.”

“Sure.”

Instead of making Neil leave or doing something to lose this hanger on, Andrew linked his pinkie through Neil’s and let Neil start talking about some idiot in one of his classes.

[queer-lovebot]

Nora was SUCH a coward for not giving us Kandreil honestly. Like truly Kevin makes their dynamic work so differently (I’ll never forgive her for using him moreso as a plot device than an actual developed person).

ANYWAY. How do you think Kevin felt post canon about Andreil’s relationship? Now that he has the time to worry about boys instead of being whisked away and tortured by the Ravens?

I think he doesn’t feel anything for a while (or he thinks he doesn’t) because he’s still in fight or flight and checking around every corner. Sure everyone else might be sure at ease, but he’s lived in the Nest all his life and that kind of shit doesn’t just go away. He’s still gonna have paranoia. He’s still gonna have nightmares. They’re just more bogeyman nowadays. He goes to therapy about it at Andrew’s insistence. And after months of just Starting to unpack the endless trauma, of allowing himself to be vulnerable again, he starts thinking about boys.

He’s not coming to some new realizations about anything. He’s known Andrew was attractive, knows the bond they have is deeper than most. He’s always loved Neil’s fiery attitude and the way they bump heads as well as how they come together. He knows he could live without either of them, but he knows he doesn’t want to. It’s moreso he’s looking at everything in a broader scope instead of pinpoint moments.

It’s strange at first. Wanting someone in your life forever is different than harboring romantic feelings for them. It’s a different way of finding home in someone. So he tries to play it off. He doesn’t wanna get in the way of Andrew and Neil, and he doesn’t wanna make things awkward when they don’t feel the way he does. Kevin is strong, and he’s used to losing things, but he’s never gotten used to losing People. He’s not sure what he’ll do if their relationship changes for the worst.

Anyways Kevin holding these feelings in results in him being much quicker to anger and more prone to leaving Andreil. He’s jealous. He still acts the same around them because, as are, they don’t act so coupley around most people. They’re barely coupley around him. But sometimes there’s a certain tenderness - the way Andrew clings to Neil that he doesn’t do with Kevin anymore, the way Neil looks at Andrew that Kevin’s never seen - and jealousy bubbles up inside him like a bad cold, so he leaves.

He becomes increasingly moody. Everybody notices, nobody knows what to do, and Kevin refuses to tell anyone but Jean. He gets shorter with Andrew, fights more with Neil, and the only way he really finds leave for a while is hanging out with the Upperclassmen.

I think eventually Kevin confesses. Contrary to popular belief, he’s not as cowardly as people like to make him out to be. In a Perfect Situation, Kevin and Andrew also has to confront the Choking Incident in Baltimore before Kevin starts developing/consider further developing his feelings for him. (It’s So important tk character development to have the person who swore to protect you - something that they take very seriously - to put their hands on you in a way as traumatic as choking. I will not stand for Nora ignoring such shit in canon and I WILL address it).

[doitforadamparrish]

guys pls…. give me your best andreil fanfiction I am begging you… it seems I’ve hit a wall and cannot find anything I like anymore (after having read the most popular ones). I generally tend to stick to post canon andreil figuring out each other & moving past their trauma together but I’m picky about the way they’re portrayed because I can’t stand when their personalities wildly diverge from canon. Kandreil makes no sense to me so pls don’t send that my way :/ and I can’t read aus idk why 😭😭😭 but I’ll try it if it’s good. Also love a good Andrew pov (monster is my favorite but hasn’t been updated in forever). Anyway it’s Christmas.. help me out 😭😭

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt 2) ft. kevin

you can find part 1 here :) you probs need to read that to understand this one!

part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8

neil tries to kiss andrew out of sight of the other foxes, but it's not always easy

matt knows already, of course, about neil's newfound way of saying goodbye

but keeping the others away proves to be slightly... impossible

kevin catches them first

the three of them are at night practice, but andrew was refusing to participate

"this is homophobia, you can't force me to play, kevin"

"what the fu-"

anyway. so neil and kevin are practicing. they do their thing

(andrew is most definitely not staring at neil's shorts, of course not surely he has more self-control than that)

(spoiler alert: he does not, it turns out, have that much self-control)

about an hour in, kevin and neil go on a short water break because hydration

neil jogs up to the bleachers where andrew is sitting and quietly speaks to him, out of kevin's sight

kevin leans against the wall of the court, drinking water and scrolling through his East Asian Studies group chat (no Jackson, the Chinese were not "blazing it" during the Opium Crisis)

he gets so caught up in his rant that he realizes the time is now 10 minutes after their break was supposed to end

and that's certainly unusual isn't it? because neil is just as obsessed with exy as kevin is, and it's really weird that he hasn't come to tell kevin to start practice again, oh god what if something's wrong, what if kevin wasn't paying enough attention and something bad happened shit shit SHIT

so kevin runs over to the bleachers where he remembers andrew and neil usually sit and finds... them in a very heated make-out session

and yes, kevin can admit that he feels some relief that everything's okay. it's mostly just annoyance though. what did he ever do to be cursed to see this much PDA from his roommates?

"ahem. neil. josten. get off of andrew's lap right now, we're supposed to be practicing"

neil quickly twists around at kevin's voice, nearly toppling off of andrew. he regards kevin with a sheepish look

"ah right yes i just got a bit, um, distracted"

"evidently"

so kevin thinks neil will go about disentangling himself and starts to turn away

but of course, neil lives to surprise him

instead of getting off of andrew immediately he leans in once more

kevin is resigning himself to have to physically break the two apart at this point

but instead of going in for another long kiss, neil brushes his lips on andrew's nose and gives him a softer smile than kevin is used to seeing on the striker's face

kevin cannot believe his eyes

but the pink on andrew's cheeks is certainly real. so he couldn't have imagined that

quite frankly, kevin doesn't think he has the brain capacity to come with something like that in the first place

but he doesn't say anything. yet. he and neil practice as usual, and after some cool-down stretches and a quick shower, andrew drives the three of them back to the tower

andrew shoves neil into the their room and emerges again outside to where kevin is waiting

"spit it out day, why are you acting weird?"

"nothing really. you're just... a lot softer these days. with neil at least"

"what, do you want me to start kissing you too? i thought it was easier to remain heterosexual"

kevin rolls his eyes at this

"shut up. ugh. i guess i'm just glad he's making you a bit happier"

andrew gives him an appraising look (it's not as intense as he thinks it is considering the height different but kevin decides not to bring that up)

"and if i told you i'm never happy? that i may never be happy?"

kevin shrugs. "then i'll be glad that he's helping you feel safe enough to tell me that"

andrew is quiet for a moment. then—

"don't go around giving josten all the credit for that. he already has a big enough ego"

andrew turns on his heel and walks into the bedroom, leaving kevin to realize what andrew just implied

kevin lets himself smile for a moment. no matter what he says, he really is happy for his friends. even if what he saw today was horribly sappy

he goes to bed with the knowledge that andrew and neil are in good hands with each other

(but really, he's already drafting plans on banning PDA in the court because he desperately does not want to walk in on neil and andrew again)

[wesawbears]

Happy summer exchange season! This is for @autumnalpalmetto, who asked for Andrew friendship with the rest of the Foxes/Andreil for the @aftgexchange event.

I hope you enjoy!

--

At first, Andrew suspected it was just a bad day. A heaviness in his head, a fog that made him pay less attention to practice than normal. He brushed both Neil’s concern and Kevin’s anger off in equal measure, just wanting to get back to his room and sleep for the rest of the day.

Neil didn’t comment when he burrowed beneath his blankets and didn’t talk for the rest of the night. The junkie eventually left him to sleep and watched games with Kevin in his room, but Andrew could feel his eyes on him as he walked away. At the moment, he was too tired to muster up the energy to feel bad about pushing him away. Neil could handle Andrew’s moods.

His bad day theory was proven wrong when he woke up with a throbbing headache. He sits up, only to find the world was tilting a little bit. Groaning, he lays back down. “Fuck.”

Neil, insufferable morning person that he is, is already up and back from a run. Andrew can hear him rummaging around in the kitchen. The noise is for Andrew’s benefit; he knows if he wanted to Neil could do his whole morning routine in near silence, so used to being unseen. But he doesn’t want to startle Andrew. It’s as annoyingly considerate as it is unnecessary.

 He also knows without seeing that Neil’s getting two mugs of coffee, one for Andrew to wake him up before Neil goes to his 9:00 class, like he does every Thursday. “Don’t bother,” he tries to yell, but his voice comes out a thin, papery rasp.

Neil comes into the room then, before stopping short at the door. “You look like shit.”

“I’m not sick,” he says immediately.

“I’ll make you some tea,” Neil answers, turning on his heel and heading back into the kitchen.

“I don’t like tea,”

“Can’t hear you. I’m in the kitchen.”

Andrew wants to scream, but can’t muster the energy, so he just settles back against the headboard and closes his eyes.

A few minutes later, Neil is there, handing him a thermos of tea. He can barely taste it, which is ideal, but he can tell Neil put a truly obscene amount of honey in it. His throat still feels like it’s been shredded when he swallows, but he hides his grimace. 

At least, he thinks he does. Neil’s face says otherwise. Or maybe Neil is just obnoxiously good at reading him.

“Shut up,” he rasps.

“Didn’t say anything,” Neil quips back.

“Your face speaks volumes.”

Neil smiles like it’s a love confession. “I’ll tell Coach you won’t be at practice.”

“Letting me play hooky, captain?”

“It’s a liability if you pass out. Lots of paperwork.” His face softens then. “I’ll come check on you later.”

“You don’t need to.”

“I know.”

Andrew doesn’t know if it’s being sick, or the discomfiting feeling of being...looked after that makes him feel like heaving, but he shuts his eyes in an effort to make it leave. He hears the click of the door shutting as Neil leaves and breathes out.

--

Kevin gets back from his own class about an hour later, and Andrew wakes at the sound of the door opening.

. “Neil was right- you do look like shit.”

“Unlike with Neil, I will throw this thermos at your head.”

Apparently it didn’t come across with the bite Andrew had intended, because Kevin just scoffs and throws something at him.

“Cold medicine?” 

Kevin shrugs. “You’re too stubborn to take it on your own. So I’ll just stand here until that happens.”

He swallows the pills with the last drops of tea, wincing as they scrape his throat. “Did Neil put you up to this?”

“You think Neil would think of using medicine? I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s never heard of cold medicine.”

Andrew grunts in assent, turning the thought over as Kevin retreats into his bedroom. If Neil didn’t put him up to it, Andrew doesn’t know what sparked Kevin’s sudden concern for his wellbeing. It was a cold. He wasn’t dying. 

He had half convinced himself it was all a fever dream when he heard a knock. “Who’sit?”

The person didn’t bother answering, opening the door where Kevin had left it unlocked. 

Andrew purses his lips. “I didn’t know a cold would turn my room into fucking Grand Central.”

“Relax. I’ll be gone in like two minutes.”

He watches as Aaron walks past him to the kitchen. “Nicky got you ice cream, even though I told him that dairy just makes sore throats worse. He wanted to bring it himself, but I told him the last thing you would want was him buzzing around.  Here are some crackers if you get hungry.”

He was gone as soon as he’d arrived, and Andrew settles back under his blankets for a nap. When he wakes to a soft knock at the door, he glances at his phone and sees it’s close to dinner time.

“It’s me,” he hears, and recognizes Renee’s voice. “I’ll only be a minute.”

He thinks he mumbles, “Come in”. 

“I brought you some soup, when you’re feeling up to it. And Dan, Allison, and Matt offered some of their DVDs in case you get bored. Allison says that bad movies are the best cure for a cold.”

He hums at that. “I think most doctors would disagree.”

Renee chuckles lightly at that. “Yes, well. They’re trying.”

He doesn’t know whether he wants to ask why. It seems a pointless question. “They know I probably wouldn’t do the same for them.”

Renee smiles. “They know. But I don’t suspect that that’s why they’re doing this.” She pauses at the door, evidently not expecting an answer. “Feel better, Andrew.”

--

Neil makes his reappearance shortly after that, once he’s done ending his day running drills with the freshmen strikers. 

“You missed quite the parade in here,” Andrew greets him.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, making his way up to the loft.

“Yes. Kept me from taking the nap I wanted.”

“I don’t know. You looked pretty dead to the world when I came in earlier to check on you.”

“Well, I didn’t have to keep up with you running your mouth. That preserves energy.”

“You like my mouth,” Neil smirks, leaning in and stopping short of his mouth. “Yes?”

“You’ll get sick.”

“I don’t care. We have plenty of provisions.”

Andrew closes the gap with a short kiss. “I’m not sharing my soup. Or my ice cream.”

“Rude.”

Andrew doesn’t have the energy to deal with the look on Neil’s face, so he pushes his face away lightly. “That’s it for tonight.”

“Do you want me to sleep in my bed?” 

From anyone else, it would come across petulant, but Andrew knows Neil means it. He also doesn’t have the energy to parse through the jolt that goes through him at the idea of Neil not being next to him.

Instead of voicing that, he shrugs. “Don’t whine when you get sick.”

Neil doesn’t answer, simply settling in next to him.

Andrew closes his eyes. “And don’t keep me awake with your staring.”

“Go to sleep, Andrew.”

He drifts off to the feeling of Neil’s hand in his hair, and the warmth of his body next to him. He knows the comfort won’t last, and he won’t always be okay with this,  but for now, it’s enough.

[jostenthusiast]

perhaps.... if it is not asking too much... you could explain each taylor swift song u chose for the andreil playlist? 🥺👉👈

you BET i can!!!! (THIS IS SO LATE IM SORRY) i don’t think i’ll be able to go thru all of the songs since it’s like a 2hr playlist, but i’ll try my best!

i’m gonna be honest most of the songs on this playlist don’t have a super deep meaning for me?? a lot of them just have one or two lines or just a vibe that makes me think of andreil and i was like BAM! UR GOING IN THE PLAYLIST. there are a bunch that i have spent wayyy to long thinking about tho, and others that for me seem obvious why it’s a certified Andreil Song.

1. red

sorry for adding breakup songs to my andreil playlist it was necessary ok. “loving him is like driving a new maserati down a dead end street” need i say more? for the whole “ending so suddenly” part - andrew expects neil to leave at one point (at least in tkm), also andrew does lose neil at one point even if only for a short while

2. treacherous

EVERYTHING about this song is perfection and also major andreil vibes!!! seriously go through the lyrics there are a lot of andreil lines (“i hear the sound of my own voice asking you to stay”) especially the bridge!! late night car drives after a nightmare..!!!

3. king of my heart

ok tbh this is one of the songs that i just put because 1) it’s a love song so.. and 2) it has one really good andreil lyric: “up on the roof with a school girl crush” there are other songs that mention being on the roof that i added, like cornelia street (which i already talked about why it’s such a great andreil song) a lot of the other reputation songs i added for similar reasons or they just fit the vibe. also “your love is a secret i’m dying to keep” 🥺🥺

4. long story short

it’s just. going thru a bunch of trauma and eventually finding home in a person <3

5. paper rings

ok i think i’ve talked about this a bit?? basically the bridge is very andreil: “i want to drive away with you / i want your complications too”

6. peace

love won’t “fix” them or heal their trauma but they’re both there for each other. just. a lot of andreil lyrics.

7. delicate

early relationship andreil. them sharing truths with each other and getting to be honest for the first time. “is it cool that i said all that? / is it chill that you’re in my head?”

8. lover

this one might be a bit obvious but this song makes me cry like a baby so i’m gonna talk about it. other than it being about having a stable relationship with the person you could spend the rest of your life with, taylor talked about how this line “with every guitar string scar on my hand / i take this magnetic force of a man / to be my lover” is about loving someone despite their scars/what they’ve been thru and. yeah

9. cruel summer

i take this song to be about learning all about someone in a new relationship, which is also why i have willow in this playlist. both of these songs have knife imagery which is *chefs kiss* for andreil

10. dancing with our hands tied

the fear that your relationship won’t survive because your life is a mess and people are out to get you. i have to mention this lyric: “i’m a mess but i’m the mess that you wanted” which like,,,,,

11. stay stay stay

*clears throat* yOU TOOK THE TIME TO MEMORIZE ME MY FEARS MY HOPES MY DREAMS I JUST WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU ALL THE TIME. ALL THOSE TIMES THAT YOU DIDNT LEAVE ITS BEEN OCCURING TO ME I WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. yeah

12. mine

andreil coffee shop au anyone?

13. cowboy like me

GODDD this song is so good. soulmate energy. forever is the sweetest con. fuck yeah. andreil could slow dance to this song

14. new years day

something about “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognize anywhere” just screams andreil

15. wildest dreams

hey remember when neil thought he was going to die and just hoped that andrew would remember him the way he remembered andrew? me too

16. the other side of the door

sorry i put a breakup song about j*hn m*yer in the playlist but hear me out. while andreil usually has amazing communication, i think andrew is the type of person who would push people away to hurt himself. also the whole i wish i didn’t need you thing is very andrew imo

17. jump then fall

YOU GOT THE KEYS TO ME

18. state of grace

neither of them expected to find love/a home in each other but they did <3 i never saw you coming; i’ll never be the same indeed

19. come back…be here

long distance andreil. also the whole “i don’t wanna need you this way” thing again :( not wanting to admit how much they mean to each other; how much they couldn’t stand losing the other

okay that’s all i’m gonna get thru in this post. i hope this is what you were looking for? if you have any specific songs that you want me to talk about you can ask any time :)

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

[winterxjxsmine]

This is my birthday present for @allforthestickball. I wish I was a writer so I could write you something better or I wish I could give you something you wanted but this is the only thing I can offer right now so I hope you like it, I love you, happy birthday!

Before you read this keep in mind that English isn't my native language so there are definitely mistakes in this. This is the first time I'm attempting to write Andreil and it was scary af I don't know how you all are doing it,, I really tried,,

Trigger warnings: panic attacks, mention of Nathan torturing Neil in the past

Neil always knew how to read behind Andrew's words but sometimes even he was getting a little confused. Or that one time Neil couldn't see behind Andrew’s words and let his insecurities torture him.

Today was a good day. Neil woke up beside his partner a couple of minutes before his alarm like every day. Dorm beds were very small and definitely not made for two people, but Andrew and Neil soon found out that sleep comes easier when they’re sleeping together, so it didn’t matter.

Today was a good day. “starring” Andrew had said with a hoarse voice from sleep when he woke up and saw Neil looking at him like he was the most interesting thing in the world like every day. It was a part of their routine by now. 

Today was a good day. Andrew and Neil after a small make-out session when Kevin finally left them alone got up, made and ate breakfast together, and like every other day, they got ready and left for early practice with the rest of the monsters. They held hands on the way to the court ignoring Nicky's exciting glaring from the back seat, they shared more private kisses in the locker room when everyone was already in the court who made Wymack later threaten them with marathons because they were late.

Today was a good day until it wasn't. Everything in practice ran smoothly. Kevin complained the whole time about the team’s performance, Nicky about how sleepy he is and why practice is so early, Matt made jokes to make Neil laugh, everything was good. When practice was over everyone went back to the locker rooms to get changed, Neil with Kevin stayed behind to talk about game strategies as always. When Kevin headed to the locker rooms too Neil saw Andrew and Renee not far away from him so he started heading towards them.

Neil didn’t mean to eardrop at Andrew’s and Renee’s conversation but what he heard made every word die in his mouth. “if you feel this way about him maybe you should tell him, he’s your boyfriend after all.” Renee spoke carefully as always. Both friends were oblivious to Neil’s presence. Andrew gave her one of his famous death glares. What Andrew wasn’t telling him? Neil frowned but tried not to jump to conclusions. “He’s not my boyfriend,” Andrew growled almost offended at the accusation. Renee sent him a knowing look and Andrew huffed. “I’ll get bored of him eventually.” they were his next words before he threw his unfinished cigarette in the concrete.

Neil's mouth suddenly went very dry and his stomach was knotted. Andrew's last two phrases echoed in his mind again and again. "Neil hi" Renee's voice brought him back to reality. He just looked at her for a few seconds not trusting his mouth to speak right now."Is everything okay?" He thought he heard her ask when she saw his pale face and his tense figure. That seemed to catch Andrew's attention who almost immediately turned around to look at him as well. "Uh yes yes, I just- I'm just gonna take a shower." He tried to keep his face blank and without waiting any longer he awkwardly turned and disappeared from their view.

"He's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend, he's not my boyfriend." Neil couldn't stop thinking of Andrew's words. They started their 'this' two years ago. They never talked about what exactly they were but Neil was certain that after all of this Andrew had stopped denying that they had something. In his conversation with Renee, he didn't say that they weren't something, he just said that..they weren't boyfriends but if they're not boyfriends then what are they? It's something that they both have to spend their time on? No, for Neil Andrew was so much more than that. He was feeling emotions he never felt before and he was pretty sure he would never feel again for anyone else. For Neil, Andrew was his whole world. He believed from Andrew's actions that he felt the same for him but Andrew denying that there isn't something between them after all this time is ridiculous.

"I'll get bored of him eventually." He hadn't listened to Andrew saying this for so long and he's not even sure why it bothered him so much. The truth is that Neil sometimes feared that he wasn't enough for Andrew. Even though the other boy had his full attention to him that didn't mean that someday Andrew wouldn't get tired and bored of Neil. Who he was anyway? A broken soul beyond fixing with scars all over his body and face. The butcher's son doppelganger. Sometimes he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror, maybe Andrew would feel the same someday.

And what was that Andrew was hiding from him? What if he wanted to tell Neil he doesn't feel the same? What if he wanted to remind him that he's just spending his time with him and nothing more? A wave of fear almost paralyzes Neil. What..what if Andrew is already bored of Neil? What if he wants to break up with him already? But no, this doesn't make sense. Andrew wouldn't act this way if he wanted to leave him. His behavior simply didn't match this theory. Neil sighs forcing himself to relax. He's just being paranoid.

Neil let his insecurities drown him a little more and if he stayed in the shower longer than he used to well nobody had to know. With automatic movements, he started dressing without even noticing Andrew's presence in the room until he spoke. "Everything okay?" He asked looking straight to Neil's blue eyes trying to find in them the right answer. Neil tried to hide a flinch and put his shirt on faster. "Yeah, everything okay." He said pressing a small smile on his lips. He wasn't exactly lying after all. Everything was fine, nothing happened he just had to forget what he heard, this conversation wasn't for his ears anyway. Andrew always had a problem with words. His words never matched his actions so this was another reason to not take it seriously. He just had to puss every feeling in the back of his mind.

"Where are the others?" Neil asked while they were walking to the car and he couldn't see the rest of Andrew's lot. "They got bored waiting for you," Andrew answered with a bored tone and disappeared inside his car. Neil took a deep breath forcing himself to relax before he followed him. They were quiet on the way back as most of the times because they were always communicating better without words so Neil found the fact that he was so bothered by words ironic when Andrew showed him every day with actions. Andrew glanced at Neil curiously many times and at some point, he let his hand hover over Neil's thigh, a silent question. Neil nodded and put his hand over Andrew's offering a small smile at him.

When they arrived at the foxhole tower Neil almost opened the door to get out but Andrew's 'yes or no' stopped him. Neil looked at him and heard himself answer yes and without even realizing it he was already leaning closer until his lips met Andrew's. Without his permission, he felt his body tense and it seemed that Andrew felt it too because he got away from Neil immediately. "Talk," Andrew growled looking at Neil with his usual blank stare. "I don't know what you mean I have nothing to say," Neil answered, crossing his arms over his chest trying to avoid eye contact. Andrew huffed before he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Neil sighed, again. Andrew was his usual self, everything was perfectly fine so why couldn't he just forget about it? He was getting mad at himself. "Andrew I'm just tired." Neil started following him but Andrew didn't stop until he was in the building waiting for the elevator. Neil always preferred the stairs but he didn't trust his trembling legs right now and he didn't want to leave Andrew.

The two boys entered the elevator standing as far away as they could from each other. Neil couldn't stop glaring at Andrew while they were waiting in tense silence. Suddenly the lights started to tremble, the elevator stopped and the lights went completely off. "What..what happened?" Neil murmured frozen in his place. A sudden light flooded the room and Neil soon found out that it was Andrew's phone. He watched him approach the entrance with a carefully placed blank face that betrays nothing about his feelings. "We're stuck, probably power outage," Andrew answered eventually pushing repeatedly the 'emergency’ button without success. Neil's heart began to rise in his chest but he tried to ignore it. Being trapped here makes him immediately think about some of the old darkest moments of his life. His mind traveled to times when his father locked him in his wardrobe or any other small space in the dark to punish him. This was so familiar it made his skin crawl. 

Soon enough the only thing he could see and hear was his younger self crying and begging for his father to show him mercy. At some point he realized he couldn't breathe, his hands felt numb and his legs were trembling even more than before. "Andrew." He almost choked, panic clear in his voice. Andrew was beside him with a hand in his neck pushing him to sit down in a second.

“Neil” Andrew called his name with a stern voice. “Andr- Andrew I can't-” Neil sobbed grabbing Andrew’s hand with his own trying desperately to ground himself. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes.” Andrew began to say with a steady voice. “No- no- I can’t-'' Neil was feeling nauseous and dizzy, his throat was dry and his lungs were hurting because of the multiple desperate breaths he tried to take. “Repeat after me Neil'' Andrew demanded, grabbing harder at the back of his neck. “You’re Neil Abram Josten, striker for the Palmetto state foxes, you’re safe, your parents are dead, and I’m here.” Neil started to repeat his words with a trembling voice shutting his eyes while he tried to imagine moments of his foxes, and Andrew, and his life as Neil Josten. “Breath with me” Andrew whispered, grabbing with his other hand one of Neil’s and placing it in his chest to help him match his breathing.

A couple of minutes passed and Neil was finally back to himself, his breaths were steadier and his pounding heart was calmer. None of them dared to move. “I’m a mess” Neil murmured tiredly. Why would Andrew want to be with him?. Always a problem, always a responsibility. “What’s new” Andrew moved his hand from Neil’s neck to his hair. “What happened” his piercing look dared Neil to lie. “My father used to..lock me in small places and leave me in the dark for hours.” He explained avoiding Andrew’s eyes. “I’m sorry it’s stupid” he apologized a few seconds later. “Shut up or I’ll gut you” Andrew answered, flicking him in the forehead.

“Aren’t you bored from all of this yet?” Neil asked quietly, his hesitation clearly in his voice. “Aren’t you bored of me yet?” He added before Andrew could speak. Neil was sure that Andrew would reply with a sarcastic comment or something but Andrew seemed to understand how important this conversation was. “What is this?” he asked instead, forcing Neil to make eye contact with him. “Nothing, just..I’ll understand if you’re bored with this, or me” Neil answered, making Andrew frown.

“Don’t be stupid” he growled giving him a hard stare. “There’s no ‘this’ like you always said anyway'' Neil couldn’t stop himself at this point. No one said anything as Andrew gathered his thoughts. “Where did all this come from?” he avoided to answer and Neil felt disappointment in the pit of his stomach. “Am I lying?” Neil pressed and when Andrew didn’t answer he huffed shaking his head in disbelief. Neil moved away from Andrew’s touch. “I’m not your boyfriend and you’ll get bored of me eventually.” Neil continued and saw the moment that realization hit Andrew. “You eardrop my conversation with Renee.” He stated with a blank look. 

“I didn’t mean to” Neil answered quietly. “I thought you were smarter than this Neil.” Andrew sighed moving closer to him. “I just...I just thought..it doesn’t matter, you were clear to me two years ago about this.” Neil dared to look at him in the eyes and almost choked when his eyes met Andrew’s. Angry hazel eyes looking at him.

“Listen to me clearly because I’m gonna say this only once.” Neil nodded and Andrew leaned closer. “Stop making assumptions about things. Just fucking ask me. You listened to two phrases I said and you think you understood everything. There’s a ‘this’ and we’re not just boyfriends.” Andrew said, his hazel eyes burning Neil hoping that his idiot will understand the things he can’t say. Realization hit Neil and his eyes went wide. “Oh,” he said suddenly feeling very stupid. “Yeah oh.” Andrew mocked him. The thing is that Andrew Minyard never was good with words so he always used his actions to show his family that he cared. Neil has no idea why his insecurities blinded him. Andrew showed Neil every day that there was a ‘this’ with his way. He and Andrew aren’t just boyfriends. They’re so much more than that and now Neil finally gets it. “You like me,” Neil stated with a smile forming on his lips. “Idiot,” Andrew murmured. “Oh you, really, really like me.” he teased and Andrew rolled his eyes. “I’ll kill you,” he threatens with no heat behind his words.

“It’s okay because I, really, really like you too.” Neil’s smile got wider, Andrew huffed again but Neil could tell that he wasn’t so unaffected as he wanted to show. “And what's the thing you are hiding from me?” Neil asked suddenly and Andrew took his eyes away from him. “What I already told you.” He answered through his teeth and Neil couldn’t hide his smile. “Yes or no?” he asked him and after Andrew’s consent, together they leaned closer to each other and Neil let Andrew show him how much he cared about him with long heated kisses until the power came back and their foxes came looking for them.

[aftgficrec]

howdyyy, could I possibly have your round up of the best in character blow burn andreil fics. I do love a good band fic but I really don't mind Its exy related or not :))) Thanks so much!

Anon, you had us at blow burn!

In character or OOC is always such a matter of personal opinion, but hopefully we’ve found you some nice, slooow slow burn here, keeping in mind your liking for band aus.  You might want to check out some raven!neil fics too (see our raven!neil tag here).  Enjoy this random selection! - S

previous posts:

long slow burn fics here (incl. the band fic ‘Something, Nothing & Everything’)

long, canon compliant slow burn here

previously recommended band/music aus:

‘And we’ll be running’ here

‘You Made a Monster Out of Me’ and ‘fugue in red’ here

‘Ultraviolence’ here

‘If you must’ here

‘not a lullaby’ here

some more general slow burn fics from previous posts:

‘The Unkindness of Ravens’ (since updated) and ‘Heartlines’ here

‘Of Smoke And Bone’ here (part 1 of this series is now complete)

‘that's just something people say’ here

‘N for nebulous’ here (now complete)

‘Armies’ here

So Much Younger Yesterday by thisisnotourlasthunt [Rated T, 21028 words, complete, Aftg Mixtape Exchange 2022]

Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten: Famous musicians and online rivals that are forced (at first) to form a friendship.

Drew and Abram: Two dudes that began texting through Twitters' DM's on secret accounts so no one knew who they actually were.

Truths are shared. Feelings are shared. Kisses might get shared.

But all with due time because this is a slow burn fic.

tw: panic attacks, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced internalised homophobia

Champagne, cocaine, gasoline by Fae (ronnie_sawyer) [Rated M, 3058 words, incomplete, last updated April 2022]

The crowd roars as the band takes the stage. The first spotlight illuminates the lead singer. He has a fierce expression as he takes the mic and announces, with just an edge of danger and excitement in his voice:

“The future is bulletproof!”

The crowd explodes in cheers and a second light shows the guitarist to his right. With a grin and defiance shining in his eyes he continues:

“The aftermath is secondary!”

The crowds get the loudest when the guitarist to the left of the lead singer gets his spotlight. With a million-dollar smile, he states:

“It’s time to do it now, and do it loud!”

The bassist cheerfully salutes the crowd and says:

“Hey, all of you…”

The crowd pays attention and hold their breaths as the last light shows the drummer, leaning over his instrument with a mic to tell them:

“Make some noise!”

The one where the monsters have a band instead of playing exy.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: drug abuse, tw: alcohol abuse

Kneel and Rue by elesary [Rated E, 42190 words, incomplete, last updated Feb 2022]

Find playlists for this fic here, here, here and here

Kevin Day shows up with an offer Neil can't turn down, not even to save his own life. Help Andrew Minyard write The Monster's next album and become Jos10, the newest opening act for Foxhole Records. With his butcher of a father in jail and his mother dead, Neil has a few months to savor this chance before it is ripped from his fingers.

But Riko, Kevin's oldest nightmare, knows enough about Neil to be dangerous, to clip his wings before he can even get off the ground. Uncle Stuart might have a way out, but the price might be too dear for even Neil to pay. With everything on the line, his life, his passion, a man that makes Neil want to stay, how long can Neil keep his cover, and what will he lose when it all falls apart?

or,

Neil joins a band, gets laid and starts a mob war.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: homophobic language, tw: nightmares, tw: explicit sexual content

If it means protecting you (I’ll pay my dues) by Intangibel (duskbutterfly) [Rated T, 114544 words, incomplete, last updated April 2022]

What if the threat of Aaron being charged with murder was more significant and Neil found out that he could prevent Andrew from having to be at the trial if he were to testify. What would he be willing to sacrifice to achieve that?

What if instead of refusing to testify for Aaron, Neil decides to make a deal with the FBI to become their witness against his father if they’ll backstop his current identity. He thinks it means signing his death warrant and losing the Foxes. Betsy, Aaron and the Foxes are determined to convince him it doesn’t have to be all or nothing, his father’s people are coming for him and that’s not even starting on what Andrew will have to say about Neil choosing to martyr himself.

tw: graphic depictions of violence, tw: child abuse, tw: torture, tw: blood, tw: scars, tw: vomit, tw: implied/referenced drug use, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced csa, tw: homophobia, tw: conversion camp reference, 

quicksand by likearecord [Rated M, 79727 words, complete, 2022]

Andrew and the Idiotic, Thirsty, Ill-advised, Very Off-Limits Crush on his College Roommate's Younger Brother.

tw: implied/referenced child abuse

nowhere to hide by CherrryBlosssoms [Not Rated, 64978 words, incomplete, last updated April 2022]

Don't stop running, Abram. Do not tell anyone who, or what, you are. Do not let your guard down, no matter what. You are special, Abram, far too special for your own good, and Nathan knows this better than anyone. Never return to Palmetto- you will never survive if you do. Bury Nathaniel Wesninski in the very soil we walk on.

Oh well- Neil has never been particularly good at following rules.

tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: blood, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced torture, tw: nightmares

Gambling - Full Fic by Lyndis [Rated M, 18081 words, incomplete, last updated Feb 2022]

Neil is a hooker in Las Vegas and struggles to make ends meet. So when an opportunity arises to earn easy money by just sitting in someone's lap, he can't not take it. Even if his new John seems anything but harmless.

Part 2 of the Vegas AU

tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: nightmares, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon

Live for you / Stay for me by doodlingstuff [Rated M, 137221 words, complete, 2021]

Wanting, wanting, wanting.

Andrew had let go of the longing to want years and years ago. He had died to start over without the need to want. He was living two lives only to protect what was his, but he was ready to let go and spend the rest of his days on the shore of Burlesca, drowning his memories in the waves crashing against the cliffs.

Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.

Strands of dark hair peeking out from a couch swept the ground underneath him. Clear blue eyes sparkling with the joy of having healthy legs pierced him. He wasn’t allowed to want. Not even an illusion. The coniglio would disappear as fast as he crashed into his world, and Andrew didn’t have any reason to learn to live without him if he hadn’t even learned to live with him.

Wanting. Wanting. Wanting.

Wanting was more dangerous than any other thing that Andrew had known.

tw: temporary major character death, tw: violence, tw: rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced torture

A world alone by ephemeralsky [Rated T, 54850 words, complete, 2018]

“It will not be cheap,” Andrew finally says.

“I know,” Wymack says. “Two bottles of Johnnie Walker sound good to you?”

“Four,” Andrew says without missing a beat. He thinks about having to deal with Nicky later on, about the additional work he has to do, and decides that he will not do anything for less.

“Three,” Wymack argues.

“Four or we have no deal.”

Wymack mutters something about blood-sucking hooligans under his breath before he concedes with a, “Fine.”

(or: a High School AU where only some of them are high-schoolers)

tw: blood, tw: violence, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: scars, tw: implied/referenced islamophobia, tw: ableism, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced self harm 

[orangefoxes]

Hey, so I've been trying to submit a prompt but it won't work so here it goes I know this will be sad but what if Neil gets really sad and depressed (the reason is up for interpretation ex: bullied by jack or is haunted by PTSD) and so he becomes full of self hate and becomes anorexic and cuts himself #andreil (this would mean so much since I've been through similar circumstances and was strong enough to pull through and keep living, this book and your Tumblr have helped me so much)

Hi @soph-ie21 I am so sorry this took a whopping 4 years for me to post. I’m terrible for not checking my inbox as my notifications have been turned off for tumblr since I was like 13. I’m so glad to hear that you recovered from your ED, you must be so strong and I’m so proud of you as I know how difficult that is to do. I’m hoping this is the sort of prompt you were looking for, if you’re even looking after this long, as it’s not very dialogue heavy, but here you go.

TRIGGER WARNING: EATING DISORDER, SELF LOATHING, ANOREXIA.

When in high stress situations, to cope, the brain releases a hormone called cortisol. It’s alright in small doses, helpful even. It triggers your fight or flight response and readies the body to do something, fast. Constant exposure to the hormone however, has some not so good long term effects. Effects that include, but are not limited to: high blood pressure, heart disease, type 2 diabetes, osteoporosis, and, arguably the mildest, weight gain.

Cortisol results in weight gain for two reasons. The first is because it slows your metabolism, and the second is because the drop in blood sugar from constant high blood pressure means that you start craving fatty, sugary foods, which leads to overeating. Neil’s memory is not nearly good enough for him to recall what foods he had craved over the years, but he and his mother shied away from sweets and chocolate for dental reasons, it probably would have been a hardship for many kids growing up but Neil had never much cared for sugar anyway. However, what he and his mother did indulge in is a lot of fatty, fast food. Partly because it was cheap, partly because it was something they could eat while on the move, and partly because no one would look twice at two sketchy people in a Burger King or remember a beaten up old car briefly pausing in a drive thru.

While never giving much thought to how he looked (short of checking for ginger roots and the bruise on his cheek from where his mother had slapped that smile from his face), Neil does remember his weight fluctuating a lot when he was younger. The more stressful the months, the chubbier he got. It was in the quiet periods as he and his mother settled down and didn’t dare to venture into the supermarket too often that he began to lose it again. It was a cycle.

In Millport, Neil was at his lowest weight yet. There was only a solitary McDonald’s in town and Neil wasn’t about to become a regular. He stocked up on tinned food from the supermarket in his first week in town instead and meticulously made his way through them, heating the can up on the hot plate he had bought for four dollars from the thrift store in the high street.

He gained weight again once he started at Palmetto, he gained muscle mass too. This, of course, was thanks to three free meals a day and a new training regime with daily exercise. It was to be expected, but if, perhaps, he gained weight quicker than his teammates and muscle slower, well, he had bigger things to worry about.

Then he knew he was going to live.

Then everything with the Moriyamas was…well, not gone, but resolved.

That’s not to say there was nothing to stress about. There was the influx of reporters wanting to catch the Foxes’ attention to ask about Nathaniel Wesninski. There was Kevin’s impending break down as Riko’s funeral came and went. There was Aaron’s trial. Honestly it probably would have gone as stressful situations for Neil always go - here and gone just as quickly - except it turns out that Nicky cooks when he’s stressed, and Neil, well, he’s a stress eater.

After Aaron is declared innocent, Nicky resumes as normal. Neil…not quite. He’s constantly opening the cupboards to look for something to eat only to close them again when he finds nothing of interest. Without Nicky cooking, there’s nothing he can easily dig into and Neil, while accumulating many skills over the years, had never been a hand in the kitchen. The only things ready-eat that were consistently in the dorm were ramen and ice-cream. Even the thought of ramen makes Neil want to vomit and Neil wasn’t so desperate that he would resort to eating something as sweet as ice cream. Not that Andrew would let him if he did. (Andrew wasn’t a sharer).

He started to feel hungry.

He was always hungry.

The first few days he started to skip meals, he didn’t even notice he was doing it. Surely he didn’t notice he was doing it.

It’s just -

Here’s the thing.

Maybe he stress eats. Maybe his mother did too. They spent long car journeys with a family sized bag of potato chips resting by the gear stick and they spent half the time stuffing handfuls into their mouths and the other half checking the mirrors for cars that stayed behind them a touch to long. So maybe he stress ate, but it was never because of hunger: it was because of craving. It was because it gave him something to do with his hands. It was only when things quietened down, when the weeks turned long with the monotonous almost-existence that took up the majority of Neil’s life growing up (here’s something no one tells you about life on the run, in between the moments of sheer terror, it’s very very very boring), it was only then, that Neil actually began to feel things like hunger.

So when the hunger pangs began to curdle in his stomach, well, he didn’t mind. It meant he was safe enough to feel the hunger.

Maybe for the first couple of days he didn’t notice it. But then he noticed it.

He noticed enough to avoid things like rice and bread. Danger foods that packed on the calories and that made him bite the inside of his cheek until it bled at the mere thought. He noticed enough that he began to watch the others train and saw their muscles flex and couldn’t help but track their muscle growth and measure it up against his own. He always found himself lacking.

That’s when it started to get worse. If Allison spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. Then Neil would do 30. If Kevin did 40 push ups. Then Neil would do 50. If Renee had a salad for lunch, then Neil would just have a fruit pot.

The first time Andrew noticed that he skipped a meal, Neil just blinked. Being who he was, Neil didn’t do stupid things like stumble for lies and this time was no different. When Andrew asked about him not eating Neil just blinked like he hadn’t even noticed until Andrew brought it up.

He blinked and said “oh, you’re right. I got so caught up in watching exy reruns i didn’t even notice”

He said, “thanks, I’ll grab something in a sec”

Andrew breathed a scoffing breath down his nose, rolled his eyes and called him a junkie. He didn’t look at all surprised, as though Neil was only confirming what he had already guessed. Which of course is the trick all good liars employ.

Neil wondered if he would be surprised if he were to find out how impossible it would be for Neil to forget a meal time. He could never forget. All he thought about was food. It was all he thought about.

Food began to feel like it was all he cared about. Cared about more than school. Cared about more than exy. Is it terrible of him that that more than anything else feels like the worst thing?

And then, as things do, it got worse.

It turned into Neil stood in front of the mirror (looking at his body but not his eyes, never his eyes) and pinching the flesh between his fingers. Noticing every part of him that didn’t harden into muscle like the others. Noticing all the scars that had stretched strangely over a waist and thighs that are no longer as small.

He begins to peck at his food. Rip it into tiny pieces. Andrew looks down at his plate and glowers at him. Neil gives him a cheeky grin. He knows what he’s thinking. That this is just another one of those Andrew-mannerisms that Neil is taking on for himself. Like the sarcastic salutes and the blank, waiting stares. It’s so much easier to hide how little you’ve eaten when it’s all in pieces.

He didn’t know how to explain it. He just knows he needs to be thinner. He needs to weigh less. It’s not about looks. It’s never been about looks. He just needs to do this. He needs to be smaller. It will be alright then. Because then…then…

Well it will be alright then.

So here’s the thing about guilt and self loathing: they’re useless emotions. Andrew would be quick to agree. (Though Andrew is a hypocrite and is chock full of the both of them). His mother would agree too. How many times had Neil slipped poison into someone’s drink, stole from someone just as desperate, shot someone who maybe or maybe-not deserved it? And how many times after that did his mother pinch and prod at him and repeat the same mantra of “don’t you dare let guilt slow you down, you slow down and you’re dead”

Well, Mum, he’s slowed down. He slowed down so much that he’s stopped altogether and guess what? He fucking hates himself.

He replays it all in his head like a terrible loop. The boy in Switzerland that he tricked into taking his jacket so His fathers men would go after him instead. The old women he and his mother tricked into housing them and then slipped something in her tea until she slept and never woke up again. The homeless man who had broken into the house they were squatting in that Neil had shot on instinct. Seth.

Seth. Seth. Seth.

He fucking hates himself. Honestly the hunger pains kind of feel like the best thing he’s ever felt after that. The pain, the ache, he deserves it.

Then it gets worse. Then comes the worst part.

Andrew’s meds change again. The others had begun to make him irritable and he always had an energy crash by about 5pm and a terrible headache. The new ones wouldn’t be of much note as they did nothing groundbreakingly different, short of getting rid of the headaches and not sapping so much of his energy.

Except for one key side effect of the meds.

They suppressed Andrew’s appetite.

More and more Andrew is missing meals. He won’t even eat more than a tablespoon of ice cream. Neil watches him and adjusts himself to suit. He doesn’t know why, but he just can’t be eating more than him, he can’t.

The frustration he feels about Andrew’s meds soon turn to resentment. He hates that he has to watch Andrew not eat and not seem affected by it at all. Andrew lessens his exercise under Betsy’s advice and yet nothing changes. His weight stays the same. He probably even loses some thanks to the loss of muscle. Neil watches and Neil hates. He hates that if he skipped out on training he would pack on the pounds, he hates that his stomach hurt and hurts and Andrew doesn’t spare a thought on food at all.

He starts to avoid the roof. He starts to dodge Andrew’s gaze the same way he does his own in the mirror.

The next time they’re alone and Andrew leans in, more hesitant than he’s been in months, Neil jerks back and snaps “No.”

It isn’t even completely because of the resentment. The majority of it is because he feels disgusting and fat and he can’t bare Andrew touching him right now. Can’t bare him looking at him.

Andrew’s face closes off and he slides back to the other side of the couch. He’s searching Neil’s face, trying to find the misstep, trying to find what he did wrong.

Good, let him think he did something wrong.

Now that’s the resentment.

It’s immediately one of the worst things Neil has ever thought. He remembers sitting, trembling, on the roof, Andrew refusing to touch him saying “I wont be like them, I wont let you let me be”

And Neil’s trying to make him think, wants to make him feel -

Jesus Christ. He’s a piece of fucking shit.

He slams his way out of the dorm and runs and runs and runs.

He sleeps in the locker room and slumps out in the morning so he’s first in the main room for the meeting with Wymack. He sits on a chair that’s as far away from every other seat as it can get while still completing the make do semi-circle around where Wymack usually stands. When the others begin to filter in they take in his new seat, but don’t comment when they see his storming expression.

When Andrew sees him he pauses for a beat in the doorway before continuing to his usual seat on the couch. He stares at Neil blankly, but his hands are clenching and unclenching in his lap. Wymack hesitates but doesn’t say anything. The others play at being uninterested and only Aaron openly looks between Neil and Andrew with a steadyingly darkening expression.

Neil slams his locker and gets changed in the cubicles for the first time in months. He’s vicious in practice. Throwing in as many dirty moves as he can. Andrew stands in the goal and does nothing. When it’s only Wymack’s sharp whistle that stops Neil bringing his racket down on Matt’s arm when he attempts to steal the ball, Neil is benched.

He yanks off his helmet and slumps down on the bench and tries to remember how to breathe through rage.

He’s sat, pinching at the skin on his thigh, for ten minutes before Allison joins him. She holds out a breakfast bar and Neil stiffens.

“Eat, it might help you stop being such a raging asshole,” she says.

Neil takes the breakfast bar and when she doesn’t immediately leave he opens it and snaps a bit off with his fingers.

He stares down the rolled oats and nuts and grimaces at the sticky feeling of the syrup that holds them together. He feels sick.

“Are you going to eat?” Allison says.

Neil looks at her and huffs a bitter breath through his nose. A wry smile pulls at the corner of his lips.

He remembers that Allison battled bulimia for years.

You can’t lie to a liar.

She looks at his face. Concern trying to become anger that she’s trying to force to stay concern. She looks at his face and then over at Andrew, who is stood in his goal watching them as Kevin shouts at him to fucking do something already. She looks back at Neil.

“You know, relationships are hard enough without mental health problems in the mix. Seth and I were a terrible combination for many reasons and that was one them. I’m not saying it can’t be done or that it shouldn’t be done, I’m just saying it makes it so much harder. He used to try to make me eat. I hated him for that. Hated that I had to hide my own habits in my own room. One day, after he stopped me from going to purge one too many times we got into an argument. I said some disgusting things to him. The next day he was in the hospital because of an overdose. He had to get his stomach pumped. You know what the worst thing is? I don’t even remember what it is I said. I don’t know if what I did triggered him or if it would have happened anyway, but it couldn’t have helped. You’re always going to trigger each other at one point or another, it’s unavoidable. But if you know that and you don’t do anything to help yourself…well that’s when every shit thing you think about yourself starts to become true. So tell me, are you a piece of shit that’s going to drag everyone down with you, or are you better than that?”

Neil looks down at the breakfast bar. He still can’t make himself eat it.

He swallows harshly against the lump in his throat. He has to swallow two more times until he’s sure he can talk without crying.

“What’s betsy’s number?” He asks.

Allison doesn’t smile, but she nods like he’s done the right thing and pulls out her phone.

SIDE NOTE: I’d like to point out that Neil is very flawed and toxic in his thinking and Allison is harsh in what she says to him just because she’s a harsh person. If you have an eating disorder I know sometimes help and recovery seems like the worst thing in world and something you really don’t want, but please, please seek help. You can do it.

[andrew-minyards-bitch]

One of Andreil dates (au: high school)

Senior year and the beginning of a crappy high school love story, neil is your everyday jock (he’s in the exy team and he plays the role of a striker)

The twins moved to Palmetto High School around second semester, right after winter break ended

Aaron, Andrew’s twin was known for his intelligence and knowledge of subjects, there was also rumor flying around that the number one star of the exy team was interested in him, none other than Kevin Day himself

Andrew though was just there, he didn’t fit a typical stereotype, he was more like the background character in movies that were only mentioned once or twice

Most people tend to ignore him and Andrew wasn’t complaining but Neil Josten was not “most people”

The striker paid attention to Andrew’s existence more than he should which led to minor setbacks on the exy court which Kevin told him to fix

So here was Neil one wednesday morning, building up the courage to talk to the scarier Minyard twin whom his traitorous heart seemed devoted to

Andrew and Neil shared three classes one of which was pe and if Neil showed off a little more when Andrew is present then no one had to know

Neil had wanted to talk to Andrew when they were told to run the tracks but Neil’s running and Andrew’s snail paced walking never matched up

Time passed quickly and suddenly the school bell was ringing, signaling the dismiss of school ending

Neil packed his bag quickly and rushed to find Andrew, Neil caught up to Andrew at the parking lot right before he could get inside his car

Kevin was also present and Neil could see a tiny scrap of paper being handed to Aaron but he ignored it, it was none of his business after all

Kevin: Neil, what’re you doing here?

Neil: Uhh you told me to solve the problem, remember?

Kevin nodded in understanding, says goodbye to Aaron with a charming smile and made his way towards the court

Andrew looks up to Neil and wonders what the fuck he could possibly want

Neil: so.. I was wondering if you’d like to hang out sometime

Aaron: are you asking him out?

Andrew: I’d rather not, Aaron shut up

Neil: Oh I just thought it would be nice if I could just spend some time with you, if you wouldn’t mind

Andrew: your head is full of garbage if you think I’d make myself spend even more time with you outside of school

Neil was quite dejected by Andrew’s reaction and didn’t have the heart to hide it

Andrew could see it clear as day so he scoffed lightly but was also trying to ignore the tug on his heart seeing that look on Neil’s face

It was true, Andrew did talk to him in class though he was hesitant, Neil was usually the one who started the conversation first but Andrew sometimes reply which he counts as a win

Neil discovered a trick after trying to talk to Andrew but failing miserably was that if he bought some chocolates in class and offered it to Andrew and Andrew was more likely to respond

Andrew: fine I accept your pathetic offer

Neil’s heart leapt with excitement as he watches Andrew speed out the lot with his expensive Maserati

He didn’t really have a solid plan on what event he wants to take Andrew to but he’ll think of it

Thinking about what Andrew would like Neil recovered a buried memory of Andrew offhandedly making a comment about how he craved ice-cream

Neil had been horrified at the time (it was in February where it was still winter and the air was chilly and the heat were turned full on blast)

But now that it was the middle of spring and the weather was just the right temperature Neil figured there was no harm in an ice-cream date

Neil told Andrew about his idea the next day and Andrew had seem pleased at first but quickly panicked and rush out the room

Despite his actions Andrew still agreed to get ice-cream

Saturday finally came and Neil picked Andrew up around five in the afternoon

“You’re paying” was the first thing Andrew said as he got into Neil’s car

Neil couldn’t help but let out a laugh “Of course, I was the one who asked you on the date after all”

Andrew turned his head, surprised “this is a date?”

Neil panicked for a quick second, “I thought I made that clear? Did I not? Dammit that was careless of me, I hope you didn’t think this was a scam. You can still back out if you want, I’ll take you home right away”

Andrew’s cheeks to Neil’s astonishment was a slight reddish hue, “No it’s okay I’m not passing up free ice-cream”

“Are you just saying that or you actually want to spend some quality time with me?” Neil teased

“Shut up and drive, Josten,” Andrew said while rolling his eyes but Neil was too content on being near Andrew’s presence to damper his mood

When they got to the ice-cream shop Andrew started ordering as soon as they found a seat

Neil was looking at him with a soft glance which Andrew tried to ignore but addressed after five seconds of Neil staring holes in Andrew’s face

“What?” “Nothing”

“Actually,” Neil started, “Don’t you think that’s a bit too much sugar?”

“Are you scared to pay for it?”

“Of course not, I’m not broke you know. I’m just sayin maybe that’s not the healthiest thing to eat.”

“Fine, I’ll get some fruits”

Neil didn’t order anything, he couldn’t stand the smell of sweet much less eat it

“Then why did you take me to an ice-cream shop if you’re not going to eat anything?” Andrew asked as he digs up all the ice-cream and ignoring the fruits that were on the top

“I remembered you mentioning you liked ice-cream once so I thought why not?” Neil admitted, sheepishly. “You’re not eating the fruits anyways so why don’t I eat that for you?” Neil asked as an afterthought

Andrew agreed after thinking about it for a second and fed him the fruits

“You could have just asked one of the workers for another spoon,” Neil commented.

“Shut up and eat your damn fruits, Josten”

And this is the story for Neil and Andrew’s first date in an alternative universe

Thank @fictional-loves-are-better for telling me “stop being lazy, get ur shit together and complete the many many drafts you have”,, this is an exaggeration but you get the deal and now here we are :))

[i-never-even-wanted-to-be-here]

It's Christmas and I'm thinking about Andreil. What else is new.

So Nora said that they never say I love you, which might make sense given their situation but we as a fandom collectively disagree. I know there's a lot of headcanons about this already but idc, I'll make my own.

I respect Nora's decision to not make them say any openly affectionate things because as we know neither of them think much of love.

What they have is so much more than that. They couldn't just say I love you to express all their feelings for each other. It wouldn't be enough.

Also, they both prefer expressing themselves with gestures and witty side comments. Saying I love you isn't important then.

So they don't say it.

Yet.

But when Andrew graduates and Neil is the last remaining member of our original Fox line, captaining the cubs, they can't show their love in gestures anymore.

They stay in contact through phone calls. Neil finally learns how to properly use his phone and regularly charges it. He also doesn't turn it off much because Andrew wants to be able to contact him in case he gets worried about Neil's wellbeing and wants to check if he's safe

Every night Neil would go up to the roof and sit where they had sat every night for years. And they'd talk about their day on the phone.

During all these years with the Foxes Neil has gotten a bit better with expressing his feelings and telling the truth. The Foxes taught him well and they're very proud of him for his progress.

But Neil still wouldn't get too sentimental with them. (He is no soft, fluffy baby and I will fight everyone who writes him that way)

Anyways, he'd sit on the rooftop and Andrew would be on a balcony or something. And they'd talk, mostly Neil would complain about captaining and Andrew would silently listen. Then Neil would get him to talk about his own day. They never say they miss each other but they both know.

That's their routine.

Normally, at the end of every call they'd just quickly say goodbye. No big deal.

But one night when Neil has to hang up because there's an important match the next day he says "Okay, I gotta go. Love you, bye" without really realising.

Andrew doesn't respond and Neil hangs up.

Andrew is confused. Did he just hear that correctly? Wtf?

Next time at the end of their call, Neil has to hang up again and says the same thing "Love you, bye"

Andrew sharply inhales, which Neil can hear over the phone. So Neil's like "what?"

"What did you just say?"

"I said bye"

"Before that"

"I said... Love you... I guess" That's when he realises he said it in the first place. He quietly curses Dan and Matt for having said it so often around him.

"..."

"Is that okay?"

"... Do whatever you want" Andrew sounds chill but actually he's super confused and his heart is beating faster.

"... Anyways, I'm cold, I'm gonna go inside now. Bye"

The next day Neil reluctantly says "Love you, bye" again. Maybe chuckling a bit to pass it off as a joke.

"Junkie"

From then on Neil says it more often. On most days he'll end the calls that way and Andrew kinda gets used to it. To both of them it's still a strange concept but they also know that what they feel for each other isn't only attraction anymore. If it even ever had been.

After years they finally move in together with the cats.

Neil doesn't have to say I love you over the phone every night as a part of their routine anymore so at first he won't say it anymore but they both find that they miss it and that it had actually been quite a nice thing. They've gotten used to it.

So sometimes when they cuddle he'll whisper a small I love you to Andrew at his neck and Andrew would tense up a bit.

If Neil said it during heated make out sessions, it would drive Andrew absolutely crazy. He'd bite out a "shut up" but Neil knows better.

Neil gets more and more comfortable with the word love. So when he's cuddling with the cats or lying with them on the ground he would bury his face in their fur and whine slightly distressed I love you's into them. Andrew always rolls his eyes but he secretly finds it endearing.

Neil goes for a run every morning and sometimes he picks up ice cream for Andrew on his way back to their apartment and puts it in the fridge.

One day Andrew gets up a little later and Neil has already returned from his run, sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee.

Andrew goes to the kitchen and looks for something to eat. Then he notices the ice cream that Neil had bought before. He takes it and goes to sit with Neil on the other end of the couch. Ice cream for breakfast, yes.

They sit there, minding their business in comfortable silence, doing their individual activities like reading while eating or whatever.

Neil only spares Andrew a side glance as he acknowledges the ice cream.

Andrew picks up on it tho.

So he swallows once while trying to keep it together.

And mumbles a "Thanks... I love you"

Neil's eyes widen in surprise but he's not stupid enough to say anything. So he just smiles to himself, pleased and extremely happy to have gotten to this point in his life.

In conclusion, after a few years into their relationship nothing, Neil says I love you more often and Andrew says it very rarely. But they needed a lot of time to get where they are and they're very happy with the way their relationship works even if it's not understandable for others.

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

andreil and goodbye kisses (pt. 7) ft. allison

parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 good lord why have i stretched this one concept out for so long skdflskj || part 8

allison thinks — nay, knows — that neil josten is just the cutest human being alive. certainly a badass. very threatening. will bite when provoked.

but still very cute. adorable. squish, if you will.

(also, have you seen those eyes??)

she likes to believe she is the mother hen of the newborn chick — the startled bambi — that is neil josten

and so, as an experienced, highly intellectual person, she... questions neil's taste in men

allison worries that andrew is just stringing neil along, ready to drop him whenever he pleases

(renee insists this is not the case, but what does renee know?)

anyways, allison concludes that andrew must be put to the test to confirm that he is good enough for her precious (and slightly rude) child

now, allison isn't one to perpetuate stereotypes, but andrew is a well-dressed gay man with plenty of experience in dressing up neil nicely

and, as the self-crowned queen of fashion, she knows that clothes can tell a lot about an individual

(for example, her clothes are wonderful, which means that she is flawless)

so allison decides that going clothes shopping with andreil (she cannot thank nicky enough for coming up with that ship name) is the only way to truly see if andrew is good enough for neil

so she plans. and one thursday evening, she corners andrew and neil and tells them what's going down

"neil. you and your boy— " "he's not my boy" "you and your boy will join me this saturday to go shopping at the mall. any questions?" "yes, actually— " "great, i'll see you then!"

to her surprise, andrew actually shows up with neil on saturday, twirling his car keys with a bored expression

"minyard. you are not driving"

"alright then. neil, let's go back to to bed"

"okay okay fine you can drive"

allison, with great dignity, regales herself to backseat passenger. at least this way she has a perfect view of the heart eyes transpiring between andrew and neil

(and if she sneaks in a couple of pictures of them — well, no one needs to know)

they finally reach the mall and allison is ready to start her sneaky observations

first: she spots a cute pink sweater in an egregiously bright shop window and drags neil inside, checking conspicuously if andrew follows him

he does

pleased, allison browses through the store, plucking the sweater she originally saw to try on later

after a little more looking, she emerges from the dressing room to show off the sweater to neil

"well neil? how do i look?"

"oh uh. pretty? andrew, how does she look?"

andrew sweeps an impassive gaze over her and promptly turns around without a word

allison is outraged. how dare he simply ignore neil! does he not think neil is important enough to respond to? does he not care at all? how can he just— oh

andrew returns with a pale blue sweater she had seemingly missed and throws it at her face

she goes back in to try it with a huff. surprisingly (and annoyingly), this one looks even better than the pink one did

she buys the blue one. but andrew's still on thin fucking ice

second: after the sweater fiasco, she leads andreil over to a shoe store. allison * very deliberately * walks through the men's footwear, hoping andrew will take notice of something he likes there for neil, before making her way to the women's section

she tries on a few sandals, showing them off to neil, and andrew wanders off in the middle of her runway strut

(she can't understand why. he might be gay, but surely he can still appreciate her legs, right?)

her questions are answered after andrew emerges from an aisle carrying a navy blue box, placing it in front of neil

neil stares at it. andrew kicks him in the shin

"oh am i supposed to wear it?"

andrew rolls his eyes and bends down, switching neil's old sneakers for a new pair of running shoes he found

allison nearly coos at the sight of the terrifying andrew minyard tying his boyfriend's shoelaces with such a focused look

neil loves the shoes. allison buys them for him. and maybe she approves of andrew just a little bit more

third: after a few more stores, allison is at the final stop of her experiment — clothes shopping for neil

she spends an agonizingly long hour searching for clothes neil might actually wear, but when she goes to give it to him, he's nowhere to be found

frantically, she combs through the store again, already thinking of private investigators to hire to find him

suddenly, allison spots his bright hair against the wall in the far corner of the store

she races over there, ready to give neil a piece of her mind for worrying her, until she sees what he's up to

he's kissing andrew. but it's not heavy making-out, it's not anything too explicit. it's just very adorable kissing

(allison has to bite back a laugh when she notices that andrew has to go on his toes to reach neil)

she goes to pull out her phone, but the clothes in her hand rustle, causing neil to glance her way

he winces at the massive pile of clothes, but presses a kiss to andrew's lips, then nose, before gingerly taking the clothes to try on

allison squints at andrew upon seeing the nose kiss. he scowls at her and promptly walks away in the direction neil left to

allison considers the sight she just saw. surely andrew wouldn't be willing to be so openly soft if he was just playing neil, right? right.

(damn, maybe renee did know some things after all)

allison gives a pleased smile — maybe andrew really is okay for neil — before suddenly remembering the bet that she's probably going to lose soon

but she doesn't mind losing some money anymore; she has plenty of it

all allison wants is for neil to be happy. and if andrew brings him happiness— well, she doesn't really understand neil's taste, but she supports it anyway

fuck. when did she get so soft?

[phantaloon-books]

All We Are is Bullets

AFTG songfic, Andreil centric, Andrew POV, inspired by Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance

Trigger warnings:  violence, graphic descriptions of violence, death, major character death, gunshots, guns, gunshot wounds, injury, angst, hurt no comfort, sad ending, blood, car crash, life on the run. This one’s on the heavy side sorry.

Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard

I would drive on to the end with you, a liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full

It had been over 7 months since they last had an encounter with anyone from the Moriyamas or the remaining of the Butcher’s people. 

They had grown too comfortable, too soft. Andrew wasn’t even sure how that happened, considering both his and Neil’s upbringing, but it happened anyway. They were reckless and careless, jumping from town to town along the United States, jump starting cars and making gas station stops and robbing liquor stores, and they’d grown to feel safe.

What a ridiculous thing it is, safety. Neither Andrew nor Neil should be able to afford to feel safe.

But they did. 

And these are the consequences. 

Andrew shakes his head, pressing harder on the gas, willing the stolen sports car to just go faster. One hand on the wheel, the other hand hovering over Neil’s pressed against the bleeding wound on his stomach. 

Neil’s breaths are getting rougher, and Andrew tightens his hand on the wheel. Of course Neil notices, and icy blue eyes look up towards haunted hazel. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine, don’t worry, I’ve dealt with worse, it’s gonna be fine,” Neil’s words are supposed to be soothing, but his voice is too hoarse for them to work. Andrew snarls.

“Shut the fuck up, Josten, just stay awake, I’ll get us out of here, and we’ll stop soon to patch you up.”

“They’re gonna be on our tails soon, Drew, I don’t-”

He breaks off in a coughing fit, his lungs rattle, and when he pulls his hand away from his mouth, Andrew sees the red that paints his hand. Andrew swears his soul leaves his body.

“I’ll pull over on the next stop-”

“Andrew, we don’t have time to stop right now, you know we don’t, it’s fine, I’ll be fine, if we stop we’re dead.”

Andrew knows that’s true, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t hate it. Instead he holds on to Neil’s hand tighter, and Neil’s expression softens.

“Until the end, forever, remember?”

I will drive until the end with you. I mean this forever.

This isn’t supposed to be their lives. They were supposed to be done after the shitshow that was Neil’s freshman year. The Moriyamas were supposed to leave Neil alone. The FBI was supposed to deal with what was left of the Wesninski circle. They never should have trusted the feds to do their fucking job. Instead what was left of the Wesninski claimed war on the Moriyamas and Hatfords. Ichirou was beyond furious, with both Wesninskis and Hatfords out for blood and revenge. And he blamed it all on Neil. 

Andrew would never understand the Moriyama lord’s logic. To blame a mob war on a 19 year old kid, whose only crime was being born to two mob families, one of which was tied to the yakuza. 

But they were out for Neil’s blood then. Had nearly killed him outside the Court the first time, he would have been shot in the head if it wasn’t for his incredibly quick instincts. The shot hit his shoulder instead. They didn’t wait for a second time, Andrew just shoved their stuff in a bag, took Neil’s remaining money and together they ran. He only left a letter for Aaron, and he didn’t regret leaving their family behind. 

Neil had been upset with Andrew at first.

“You have no idea what you just did, Andrew! You have no idea what it’s like to run for your life every single day, not knowing if you’re gonna live long enough to see the next, you have no idea what you just did!”

“I don’t care about that, Neil.”

“You should! This isn’t a little adventure, this isn’t a road trip, this is fighting to stay alive, and bullets and knives and hiding and lying forever!” his voice broke, and dropped to a whisper, “I never wanted to put you through this.”

“You’re not understanding me here, I’m trying to show you but you don’t understand. You mean too much to me to care about all the things you’re saying, I’d end my days in a hail of bullets to keep you safe, I would drive on to the end with you, I’ll keep running with you to prove to you how much you mean to me.”

Leaving bought them 4 more years. 

Until today. 

Until the end of everything.

The sun is going down on the highway as Andrew floors it, going too high above the speed limit running from Neil’s demons. But he’d signed up for this, as Neil had so kindly put it. Neil’s hand trembles, growing cold. His blood is slowly pooling on the car seat below him. He fights to hide his grimace, but his face is pulled tightly in pain anyway. 

“I’m going to fucking stop, Neil.”

“Goddammit, Andrew! No, we can’t afford to stop, right now!”

I’m trying to let you know how much you mean.

“Andrew, we’re not stopping, I can hang on however long we need to get somewhere safe.”

“Nowhere is safe, Neil, we’ll never stop,” Andrew can’t help the snarl, anger is curling inside his chest and it’s too much, “You’re bleeding out, don’t you understand? We need to stop now.”

“I know this is frustrating for you, Drew, I get it, but we have to wait until we reach somewhere safer-”

“Goddammit, Neil-”

The car is thrown forward at once, and Andrew has to take both of his hands to the wheel to stop the car from veering sideways and crashing. With a curse, he takes a look through the rearview mirror, and he curses once more.

Fuck.

They’d been too busy arguing to notice the black SUVs and trucks on their tails. There’s a lot of them, nondescript, but obviously Moriyama. Andrew’s heart starts to race, as he wills the car to go faster, beyond its own limits. But there’s too many of them. There’s no way they’ll make it out this time. 

He glances at Neil, blank mask long forgotten, worry and dread and terror seeping out of him like it never has before. Because Neil is crying softly, despite the serenity of his entire posture. Tears are streaming down his face, eyes closed but body and face relaxed. 

The car is nearing 200 mph when Neil opens his eyes, tears flowing freely. The black SUVs are getting impossibly closer, caging them on the sides. 

“I’m so sorry, Drew,” Neil’s voice is a shattered whisper, and it breaks Andrew’s already shattering heart, “I never wanted to get you involved in all of this, I never wanted this life for you, I’m so so sorry, I ruined your life.”

“Shut the fuck up, Neil, I chose this, I chose to run with you, I wanted-” the words are stuck in his throat and he can’t get them out. I wanted to spend however much time was left with you. That’s how much you mean to me. That’s how much this means to me. “I meant it then, and I mean it now, Neil Josten, until the end.”

Neil’s eyes are pained, something like grief and sorrow shining through the icy blue. But he still forces himself to smile, as if he can read what Andrew thought, and Andrew knows full well he does. 

“We’ll show them all how much we mean.”

The first shot comes from Andrew’s side and he barely manages to dodge the bullet that cuts through the glass like it’s nothing, shattering the window at once. Neil crouches with a cry, and Andrew shoots a glance his way as much as he can as he attempts to keep the car under control. Neil’s right shoulder is bleeding, the window on his side just as shattered as his own. Andrew didn’t even notice the car getting close enough to Neil’s side, or the shot aimed his way. Neil feels his stare, the overwhelming alarm and horror that drowns Andrew from the inside, and turns pained yet calm eyes his way.

“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.”

Understanding.

Neil knows he’s not going to make it, they are not going to make it. This is going to be their last run. With a deep breath, Andrew buries all the fear and worry deep down, and stares at Neil with nothing but determination.

“I’m about to get us killed, but when it stops, we run in the other direction and into the city, we hide as best as we can.” The or die trying goes unsaid, but Andrew knows Neil understands, he always does. 

“I love you, until the end of everything.”

Andrew stares at Neil, and he wants to say I love you too, you mean everything to me, but instead what comes out is “Hang on, tight,” and he hits the brakes at once.

Despite Andrew’s eidetic memory should make sure that he remembers what happens next, but it’s all a blur, and when he can get to consciousness and focus his eyes, it’s to Neil half carrying him as he limps his way down the highway, looking frantically behind him. A quick glance behind them and Andrew sees the wreck he left behind; cars pile one on top of the other, some are on fire, including the one they were driving, and they set each other aflame, like pouring fuel on scarecrows. Moriyama men are dragging themselves out of the cars, and trying to find a way out of the wreck. Andrew can’t help the smile. He didn’t think they’d make it after braking a car going 200 mph, but he somehow manages to make his legs listen to him, as his ears echo. 

Neil notices when he feels Andrew take back some of his own weight, turns a bloodied and dirty face at him, and smiles back brightly. Neither of them have much hope of making it to the other side of the road and finding a place to hide, but in that one second, they begin to run hand in hand, and things are okay, despite Neil’s bleeding wounds, and Andrew’s aching head.

They both know it won’t last long, so Andrew pulls Neil for a kiss, as long as he dares to, it’s merely a brush of their lips, but it’s everything that matters. 

They’re about to reach the other lane when the first shot rings through the air, but Neil’s always bright instincts pull them both out of the way. They would be helpful if there were two or three men, but Andrew risks a glance back. There are dozens of men regaining their composure, readying their weapons, and before he knows what’s happening, both Neil and him are hitting the ground hard. 

Neil just pushed him.

And then the bullets come, lead rain passing through phantoms.

He’s too disoriented at first, but then burning pain lights his body, like nothing he has ever felt before. He gasps, but he pushes through the pain, and forces himself to look around. He doesn’t have to look far, he finds what he needs next to him.

“Neil! Neil!” His voice seems far, far away, but Neil is looking up at the blue, blue sky, breath coming in insignificant little huffs, more like sighs than breaths. Blood is pooling underneath them. “Neil, look at me, stay with me.”

Moving hurts, burns, but he makes himself push through it harder, until he’s somehow leaning on his side, with a clear view of Neil. Neil who’s bleeding too much. Neil who has too many bullet holes on his body. Neil who just pushed him to the side to protect him. Neil who is bleeding out. Neil who despite everything turns his head so he’s facing Andrew, even if his eyes are still looking up. 

Andrew’s own eyes are blurring with unshed tears, and he blindly reaches forward to grab Neil’s hand lying limply by his side. 

He feels like he’s falling.

Neil’s lips are turning red, and he’s coughing, choking, trying to force out words that can’t come out. He gasps and moans in agony, and Andrew’s own chest hurts, not just from the bullets he couldn’t escape. This is it, a pool of blood, falling and touching hands.

“Neil, look at me, look at me, it’s gonna be alright, we’re gonna be alright.”

Andrew’s own voice is cracking. He doesn’t understand how Neil remains awake, but his stubborn idiot rabbit is still breathing. With another strained whine and a choked sob, their eyes meet at last. Icy blue and deep hazel, one last time.

And Andrew is falling, falling, falling.

He squeezes Neil’s hand as tightly as he can, and chokes out a whisper despite the metallic taste flooding his mouth, “It’s okay, we’ll be okay, just let go, it’s okay.”

He feels the thuds of footsteps approaching, but black is already creeping at the edges of his vision, his eyelids are growing heavy, and Neil’s own breaths are coming slower.

Neil closes his eyes, and Andrew closes his as Neil’s shredded chest stops moving.

I’ll meet your eyes, I mean this, forever.

lol sorry

read on ao3