#if they’re doing 2 guests so it’s the same amount of guests I’d prefer both of them to be Not Men

[elliesgaymachete]

honestly if we get to the other half of bells hells and most of the guests are men or there’s no women imma be lowkey disappointed

[usagichanp]

lexthan

*rubs hands together* I was hoping someone would ask me that

This is gonna be a long one folks.

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Life long partners, babey.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think they had crushes on each other for a while. They didn't officially say "I love you" till a few months into their relationship, but they thought it sooner.

How was their first kiss? - I wrote a lesbian Lexthan version of their first kiss, though I don't think canon Lexthan's first kiss was like that. I imagine it to be not really planned out; just like they're talking to each other in the car and lock eyes, then slowly lean in and kiss. Since they've had kisses before, it's not a catastrophe, and it's actually fairly soft.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Ethan. Wrote a whole ass fic about it.

Who is the best man/men? - I know who the best man is in my fics (it's my man Marsh, for those who have read it), but idk about the canon Ethan's best man. Maybe Danny (the Smoke Club Boy) but I'm not sure if they'd be friends enough to be his best man. He might not have one.

Who is the bride's maid? - Hannah. Duh.

Who did the most planning? - Ethan, but Lex chipped in too. Tom might help as well if asked lol

Who stressed the most? - Ethan. Though their ceremony isn't big, he still wanted it to be a good memory down the road (it was)

How fancy was the ceremony? -

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

First they had just a courthouse wedding where they signed the papers, then had a tiny wedding ceremony with only close friends. Even if they could afford a proper wedding (Canon Lexthan prolly couldn't afford it) I don't think they'd want a big affair anyways. It's be exhausting.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Lex's mom. Obviously.

Sex:

Now we're getting to the good part lads

Who is on top? - Ethan is a fucking switch. You can't convince me otherwise. He tops maybe like... 60/40 or 65/35. But when Lex tops, she tops bitch.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Ethan likes instigating things since he's a horny teenage boy, but it Lex doesn't want to, he stops. Sometimes Lex instigates, but usually when she does she's in the mood to top.

How healthy is their sex life? -

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

I'd give it a 7.5, depending on the situation. While they try to tone it down around Hannah, when they have alone time they'd totally go for it. Ethan's glovebox in his car has a box of condoms in it at all times. What can I say, as I said before, they're horny teenagers

How kinky are they? -

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

They don't like seeing each other hurt so they wouldn't like BDSM. They're not vanilla but nothing too crazy- blindfolding, light bondage (aka tying hands up with rope or cloth), scratching, light spanking, pegging

How long do they usually last? - It depends on how much time they have to have sex. They've done quickies in bathrooms or whatever before, but if they have all night then they're pretty good at prolonging it.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Absolutely. It is said in multiple fics (I think?) of mine that Ethan makes sure Lex has the same amount of orgasms as he does. Always.

How rough are they in bed? -

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

They certainly can have slow, soft, romantic sex, but Ethan is also 100% capable of rocking Lex's world so hard she can't walk right for a week. (That happens in my first fic, Cassieopia, albeit off screen)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

1) I fucking love that metaphor 2) They don't get much physical affection at home, so they fucking love snuggling and cuddling- whether it be after sex or just hanging out. Sometimes they cuddle as a form of stress relief after a shitty day.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 2, maybe 3.

How many children will they adopt? - I think they might prefer to have children naturally, but in my California series they gain custody of Hannah when she's 12. Does that count?

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Lex forces Ethan to learn how to change diapers. That being said, Lex isn't half bad at changing them either, since she helped change Hannah's when she was a child.

Who is the stricter parent? - They're not exactly strict parents, but both Lex and Ethan can definitely scold the kid. ("hAnNaH! tHaT bEtTeR bE fUcKiNg fLoSs!!!!!") That being said, both take care to not be abusive to their child, especially Lex. She doesn't want to be like her mom, so she tries to keep her temper in check.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Ethan has good reflexes, and has stopped his kids from falling and hitting their chin on a playground structure more than once. (Fun fact! That happened to me when I was 3. I fell from a steel elephant shaped jungle gym at a German zoo, hit my chin on a steel bar, and bit through my lower lip/knocked 3 teeth out. I still have the scar years later lol)

Who remembers to pack their lunches? - Lex. Though the lunches aren't always the healthiest.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think they're both loved, but maaaaaybe Ethan a bit more.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Neither would attend PTA meetings out of the goodness of their hearts. If Lex or Ethan would go to a PTA meeting, it'd most likely be because they wanted to yell at a teacher or principal. They might go seperately or together depending on the severity of the issue.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Ethan wouldn't admit he cried, but he did. So did Lex.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Oh bitch, Lex and Ethan both said fuck the law. If it was just like, an overnight jail cell for some stupid misdemeanor, they might try to break their kid out. Otherwise, Lex would probably the one paying the bail because Ethan would try to punch the cop in the face if the cop talked shit about Ethan's kid. That reaction is not exclusive to cops.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Neither of them are exactly 5 star chefs, but they can hold on their own. Lex is better at cooking breakfast and Ethan is better at cooking dinner- but if he's exhuasted from work, Lex can cook dinner for him.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Neither are picky. Both of them grew up young scrappy and hungry just like their country without really the chance to be picky. They had to take what they could get.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Lex. She's good at calculating totals in her head. I wrote that in an unrealeased fic.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rather rarely. Perhaps on special occasions or to bond. Ethan has ruined the kitchen with his kid trying to bake a cake for Lex at least once. Maybe more.

Are they more of a meat lover or salad lover? - Meat lovers, babey. Fuck that fancy plant bullshit.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Ethan. I wrote that in the proposal fic.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Depends on what you count as "going out". Lex likes going to McDonalds, but Ethan is the one who suggests eating at actual restaurants.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Ethan, but both have had near misses.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both had fairly messy rooms as teenagers so they're not super anal about having sparkling clean rooms. That being said, when someone comes over Lex does try to tidy the place up a bit. At least enough to make it seem like they have their shit together. Ish.

Who is really against chores? - Ethan can be a bit of a lazy bones sometimes, but Lex isn't exactly a huge fan of chores either. However, she is used to doing chores since she practically raised herself and Hannah.

Who cleans up after the pets? - They take turns. Both hate it.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Ethan, because he doesn't want to incur Lex's wrath.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Lex. As I said above, she actually actively cleans the house beforehand. Not to the level of that freaking out mom from the comedy video who's name I can't remember tho.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Ethan. He has a nack for finding random bits of money. Score.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Lex, though both take relatively quick showers to save water.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - They actually like doing it together. It's nice to get some fresh air, and they enjoy each other's company.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ethan goes over the top, partially to annoy Lex. You know that Christmas tree Chris Pine vine? Yeah, Ethan would fucking do that.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Live a better life together than they did in Hatchetfield. White picket fence and California dreams shit.

Who is more likely to sleep till noon? - Ethan, but Lex is known to sleep till 3 in the afternoon if she's really tired.

Who plays the most pranks? - Ethan. That's literally canon.

I can babble about them all day lol

[latibulx]

booyoung and byul ( not a lot of interactions between the two but i do be curious :O )

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! ㅡ open ㅡ @pathwae

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - I think they might have a few break-ups here and there; probably because of the distance between them that makes it difficult to maintain a romantic relationship. And also, perhaps because they both end up quite busy with their own work/passion. However, if they manage to find their rhythm and work on their own selves, I can see them growing old together.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Okay, my headcanon is that they met through friends they have in common and they immediately hit it off and became friends rather quickly. Falling in love came naturally as they got to spend more time together and got to know each other better, most likely realizing how well they were fitting each other. I imagine it happened over the course of several months because neither Byul or Booyoung wanted to rush into a relationship and take the risk to ruin their friendship.

How was their first kiss? - I imagine that Booyoung would have invited Byul to see her perform because he had promised her that he'd come see her at least once. And, after the performance, instead of going back to their own place, they decided to have a late dinner together and take a walk by the Cheonggyechon river. And, Byul probably made her laugh while they were sitting, their feet in the water, and they were flirtingㅡ a little more than usual, both high on how perfect that night feels. And then it just came naturally, his hand on her cheek and her face leaning towards his; their lips meeting in a sweet, and a timid first kiss.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Byul, because he knows that Booyoung is really romantic and she would definitely want a sweet proposal.

Who is the best man/men? - Byul's best friend or someone from his family he is close to.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Booyoung's best friends and music partners!

Who did the most planning? - I can see them planning together but Byul being a bit lost at some point with everything there is to plan and take care of, haha.

Who stressed the most? - Byul, maybe? Booyoung would be mostly excited and all over the place because!! they're getting married!!

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 - I don't see them having a very fancy wedding and instead something more intimate, with only they people they care about. But because Booyoung's grandparents are attached to tradition, they still would have to wear hanboks and get married properly.| 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Acquaintances and friends they only hear about once a year, probably.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Depends of the mood! Mostly Byul, I'd say, but sometimes Booyoung ends up on top.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Once again, it depends of the mood. Once they've gone past their hesitations and embarrassment, they'll probably feel comfortable enough to show the other when they are in the mood.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 - I think that when they are not countries apart, they want to make the most out of the time together and it does involve regular sex. But then it happens that even when they're in the same city, they're both busy and they have to work on finding a balance on their personal lives and their work. | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 - I see them as a rather vanilla couple who enjoy trying out new positions and maybe use some toys to spice things up but they mostly enjoy the connection making love brings between them. | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - It depends if they're tired or not. Or if they take their time or not. Perhaps between 30 min and one hour?

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes! I feel like it's important to them that they both give as much as they've received.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time - while they might spice things up every so often, I feel like they are rarely rough in bed, because it doesn't really fit their personalities. | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 - every opportunity is a good opportunity to cuddle! especially when they haven't seen each other in a while. | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - they initially wanted to stop at two children, but then Booyoung unexpectedly got pregnant with twins, so they've got four children!

How many children will they adopt? - once their children will be all grown up, I definitely can see Booyoung suggesting that they consider adopting. So, maybe they'll have two more children, or maybe three.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Byul! He's a very helpful father and doesn't hesitate to be on diapers duty.

Who is the stricter parent? - None of them are really strict.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Byul, because Booyoung is the one to encourage them to go on adventures, pft.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Booyoung, because Byul is the one dressing the kids for school. (If that was Booyoung, she'd undoubtedly make their kids wear hanboks!)

Who is the more loved parent? - no differences in this house, they all love each other very much

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - both, they both want to be here for their children in every moment of their lives, including stressful PTA meetings.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Byul, because he's remembered how far he has come since he has himself graduated and he feels incredibly happy to be able to see his own children graduate.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - I can see Byul doing that too! But, let's be honest, Booyoung would do anything for their children too.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Booyoung. She's good with her hands, and her grandmother has taught her how to cook since a young age.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - None of them are very picky, they even have similar taste so it's easy to choose what dishes they'll eat.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Together as often as they can, and if one is busy, the other will go alone.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rarely, they prefer to buy them directly at the bakery. At least they're certain to not be disappointed!

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat lovers.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Both! Booyoung is a romantic and definitely remember their anniversaries and would cook something very nice for dinner, but I also can see Byul making an effort and actually cooking dinner for Booyoung to surprise her.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Maybe Booyoung, especially on days where they are too tired to cook but don't want to order take-out food. And she'd always say that it always feels like they're going out on a date when they eat out.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentaly while cooking? - Byul? I'm not sure, haha. None of them.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both, we like sharing chores in this house!

Who is really against chores? - Both, too. They both have their days where they absolutely don't want to clean so the other finds a way to motivate them. Maybe with little smooches and sweet words.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Byul, probably. Booyoung isn't against it but she always manages to convince him to do it instead.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - None of them, they like their house clean!

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - They don't really stress out unless Booyoung's grandparents are visiting and in that case both are stressed!

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - I can see Byul in that situation, haha.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Booyoung, especially because she's always having a little concert while she's showering, haha. And if they're bathing together, it lasts even longer!

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Both of them because it's relaxing to be walking outside together with the dog.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Booyoung loves tradition so... Every time there's a holiday coming around, you can be sure that the house will be decorated!

What are their goals for the relationship? - Communication and respect and love. I think they want a healthy relationship in which they aren't afraid to tell each other how they feel, even when they aren't feeling good.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Before they become parents, both. Then, none of them. They forget what it means to oversleep, haha.

Who plays the most pranks? - Both! Honestly, they can be such kids at times, I can see them running around the apartment having a water fight or a tickle fightㅡ or even a random pillow fight when they're supposed to be watching something on TV.

[tsipasce]

Same Difference ch.14

AO3 | FFN

Overhaul rose from his seat, walking behind his desk to retrieve some keys, noticing Nanami was still seated.

“When I said ‘let’s be quick about it’ I thought it was implied that we’d both get up and leave. You can finish pouting when we get back.” She looked up at him, annoyed. He’d usually return the irritation, but realized he preferred this infinitely more than seeing her upset.

“You never miss a beat, huh? Let’s roll, bird brain.” She said in a huff, now marching towards the door.

“If anyone else spoke to me that way they’d be dead by now.”

“Well I’m not just anybody, now am I?” she responded, equal parts confident and oblivious.

“… No. You’re not.” He paused, unsure how to process the thought. Or was it a feeling? Shaking it off, he continued, “The car is this way.”

“R-right. Right behind you.” She stammered; grateful he was in front of her as she tried not to think too much about his response.

They continued through the base until arriving at the garage as she spotted a familiar, blacked-out car. They hopped in and began the drive to her place, Nanami glad to be seated in the front this time. It was silent except for the hum of the engine as Nanami stared out the window, becoming lost in thought. She’d decided to tell her work she’d be taking a last-minute vacation and to tell Hitomi she’d be too busy at work to make their date. Before she had time to wonder just how much more lying she’d have to do, they arrived. Exiting the car in silence, Overhaul followed close behind as they made their way up to her apartment. As she was getting her keys out of her purse, he moved in front of her, putting his hand out for them. He took a cautionary glance inside before letting her know it was ok to enter.

“You’ve got 10 minutes,” he warned.

“Bu—”

“10. Minutes.”

“Saying it slower is not going to make me mo-- ”

“9 minutes.”

“Uuggghhhhhh” She groaned dramatically, but briskly walked back to start packing. It was especially difficult considering Nanami was a notorious over-packer. Without fail, she brought enough outfits for a fashion show and packed underwear as though she’d shit her pants every day. Better safe than underwear-less~

“2 minutes.”

“Ok, your counting down is NOT helping.” She yelled to the other room as she finished packing, emerging from her room in a huff. Plopping the bags on the ground, she stood triumphantly, waiting for his response as his brows began to furrow.

“That is… not the correct amount of bags for two weeks away.”

“What are you the bag police?”

“You know that’s not a thing. Take half of the bags you have and let’s go. The more time we waste here, the more likely we are to run into them, again.”

“Fine.” She abandoned what could have easily been twenty pounds in luggage, hefting the others towards the door. “Wow, you’re not even going to help me?”

“No. You shouldn’t have packed so much if you weren’t able to carry it by yourself. Consider it your strength training.” 

Groaning yet again, Nanami was reconsidering if it would really be so bad to be abducted by a different and possibly more polite yakuza.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

The ride back was as uneventful as the first before the grumbling of Nanami’s stomach cut through the silence. She hadn’t been able to eat all day, having abandoned her plans for brunch with Hitomi earlier and spending the better part of the afternoon packing for an involuntary vacation. Her eyes widened in embarrassment as she became determined to keep them glued to the window. Through her periphery, Overhaul turned towards her as they had pulled up to a red light.

“Where should we stop?”

“What?”

“I haven’t eaten today, give me suggestions on where to go.”

Is he… trying to be,-- dare I say it—nice? Nanami thought both surprised and intrigued. Not wanting to waste the golden opportunity, she tried her best to play along,” Well, SudohBucks is pretty good.”

“SudohBucks? A frappuccino does not count as dinner.”

“Um, they don’t just serve coffee—they’ve got pastries and some pretty solid paninis.” His eyes narrowed as though he wasn’t fully convinced, “If you don’t like it we can always stop somewhere else, there’s plenty of other places nearby. So whadya say?”

“I’d say what the hell is a panini?”

“You don’t know what a—oh my gosh, well it’s a toasted sandwich—usually on Italian bread—but really you can put anything on it. They’re warm, flavorful, and packed all neat so the ingredients don’t spill all over the place.”

“They’re ‘neat’? Hmm...”

“Of course that’s what you got from my illustrious description...”

“You’ve convinced me.”

Finding the nearest store with a drive-thru, Nanami ordered for them, earning a hum of approval when she correctly guessed he’d like the chicken artichoke. Salty people enjoy salty things, who would’ve guessed. She thought before reaching into the bag for her sandwich.

“Don’t you dare eat in this car.”

“Eat in the—just who do you think I am?”

“Dr. Watanabe; you’ve got hands steady enough to suture a grape but will undoubtedly still find a way to spill panini all over my car.”

 “Ok, firstly, it’s impressive how you can insult and compliment me at the same time. Secondly, thank you, but also kiss my ass. And lastly, I’m not some savage that would try eating in a car—the food smell just seeps into the leather. I’m simply checking if they got the order right.”

“… Close it as soon as you’re done.” He relented, rolling his eyes, eager to ignore the smug look on his passenger’s face.

Nanami 1, Overhaul 0 ~.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

They drove past the spot where her car was parked, only to find it empty. “Where the hell is my car?”

“It’s trackable, we had to burn it.” He replied simply.

Her eyes shot wide as she turned to him, seriously considering fighting him then and there.

“That was a joke.”

“Stick to your day job.”

Ignoring her, they pulled into the garage, her car now there and the sun almost ready to set. Getting her bags from the trunk, he took the heaviest one before she could grab it. Too tired to fuss, she accepted the help as they made the long trek to… Where exactly am I going to stay, anyway… She hadn’t thought of it specifically before, only defaulting to the cell she was sure he’d made when he first tried to abduct her, except slightly more hospitable. Realistically, she knew it wouldn’t be a cell, but still hadn’t an inkling as to where they were going, the path they took ceasing to be familiar a couple turns ago. Just as she was about to ask, they came upon a set of stairs that resembled those at the main entrance, but she could tell they were different, the steps having much less wear on them. He paused a moment in front of her, but she couldn’t see his face to tell what he was thinking. After an audible exhale, he continued up the steps, opening the door at the top of the passage with a code he didn’t bother to hide this time.

The light was blinding as her eyes tried to adjust to the change. Blinking hard, she was now able to see a traditional home with minimalist, modern décor. It was cleaner than most operating rooms she’d seen and just as sterile. She would have assumed it was a model home no one had lived in before if not for the pair of familiar shoes in the doorway. Examining the room, she could tell they were in the kitchen and the secret passageway they came from had been in a large cabinet. On the island was a singular vase that had been repaired using kintsugi while the counters were clear, save for a kettle and tea bowl. Before she could look further, a glass door closed them into the space.

“Hold your breath.”

“Wha—” Just then a mist was blasted from all sides. She was about to panic, but she saw him standing there, relaxed as though this happened regularly. The mist stopped and the door opened once again as he casually took off his shoes and waltzed out the pseudo-cabinet. Finally connecting the dots, it hit her. “Is this…  is this your house?”

“Yes, now take off your shoes or I’ll leave you in the silo.”

“You don’t have guests over often, do you?”

He turned to her, his finger hovering threateningly over what she assumed was the button to lock the cabinet door.

“Ok, ok. Just gimme a second.” She hurriedly took them off, placing them neatly next to his, the sight causing her heartbeat to quicken. She’d never stayed in a man’s house before, and the thought made her nervous. Don’t make it weird. Don’t make it weird. Don’t make it weird. She thought to herself, hoping to regain objectivity. Just lab partners being bros, staying in the same house for a couple weeks to avoid being kidnapped for a bounty. No big deal. As she continued her inner monologue, she glanced up to see he was close, a confused look on what she could see of his face.

“What is it?”

“You didn’t hear a word I said.”

“That I did not.”

Sighing he began walking out of the kitchen and down the hallway. Willing herself to move and not wanting to be stuck in the mini decontamination silo, she sheepishly followed, setting the food down on the kitchen counter. At the second-to-last door near the end of the hallway, he stopped, opening it and turning on the lights.

“This will be your room.” He said plainly, gently placing her bags on a bench near the closet.

Among the questions now racing through her head, a singular one stood out. “Ok, not to sound ungrateful, but why can’t I stay in a guest room in the main base? I mean I highly doubt having anybody in your house is pleasant for you.”

He paused thoughtfully before responding, “The distance from here to the main base is much farther than you think; the passageways run for miles. If there was an attack, you might be dead before I could reach you. Here, you’re a room away. Having anybody else in my house does repulse me… but as you said earlier, you don’t fall into the category of ‘just anybody.” They were looking at each other fully now, Nanami swallowing harshly at his last statement coupled with the fact that she was now alone with him, in his house. Before her heart could race any faster, he quickly continued, breaking the now too-intense eye contact, “You’re an ally. Strategically, being near makes the most sense as your offensive capabilities alone won’t be enough to fend off the reinforcements they’ll send. At any rate, I have a meeting to attend.”

She felt a small pang of disappointment at his response but was both unwilling and unprepared to address it. “Oh, I see. Makes total sense!”  She said through a half-hearted, awkward laugh, “Very logical. Well, I’ll just settle in and uh look through some paperwork of my own. I’ll see you later then, partner!” Facepalming inwardly, she quickly took her bags, turning away from him to place her things on the bed. She kept her back turned, now very invested in unpacking.

After a couple seconds she could still feel him in the doorway and cautioned a glance over her shoulder to see what he was doing. She saw him attempt to begin a sentence but stopped, a conflicted look in his features as he turned away, leaving her alone with her thoughts. This is gonna be a long week.

[ri-translates]

Translation: Itaru Chigasaki SSR [MANKAI Encore] - Encore: Lancelot Part 3

The Spring Troupe have come a long way since their first performance of the Knights of the Round IV THE STAGE. The winner of Chikage and Itaru’s contest is...

Part 1 || Part 2

Lancelot = Itaru Gawain = Chikage Gareth = Masumi Mordred = Sakuya Merlin = Tsuzuru King Arthur = Citron

Izumi: (The stage is set in medieval Brittania. The story begins with a conversion between Lancelot and the fairy Gwen.)

Lancelot: “Are you interested, Gwen?”

Izumi: (Itaru-san is alone on stage. Although Gwen doesn’t exist in reality, she’s expressed only by the lighting and Itaru-san’s acting…)

Lancelot: “I know. I won’t talk to you when we’re in front of people. I’ll just be treated as a weirdo.”

Audience A: Wow….

Izumi: (By facing Gwen with a soft expression, the guests become captivated as well. With that, it puts everyone in the world of KniRoun without feeling out of place.)

~~~

Izumi: (During his journey, Lancelot, who’s aiming for King Arthur’s castle, sees Gawain being attacked by a demon.)

Lancelot: “I’ll assist you!”

Gawain: “I don’t know where you’ve come from, but I’m in your debt….!”

Izumi: (Chikage-san’s athletic skill is high, and his sword fighting is better than before--)

Gawain: “Haaa!”

*fire slash*

Izumi: (There’s charm suited for the stage in his movements, more than ever before. The quality of the slashes stand out, and has a nice feeling looking at it.)

~~

Izumi: (The two of them go on a journey together. Lancelot opens up his heart to Gawain, who is able to accept Gwen’s existence without any worriesーー)

Gawain: “Can you see something?”

Lancelot: “.......” “I can see something… If I said that, it’d feel unpleasant, right?”

Gawain: “Haha, you’re the same as my pet cat. Now that I think about it, you kind of resemble it a little.”

Lancelot: “A cat?”

Izumi: (The process of the two of them reaching out to each other little by little has to be shown in a short amount of time on stage, butーー)

Gawain: “Well, there’s many things I’m unable to see. I don’t really mind.”

Lancelot: “You’re strange.”

Izumi: (With their movements and the atmosphere, the changes in the sense of distance between the two of them is steadily conveyed.)

~~~

Izumi: (In order to cure the king’s illness, Lancelot and Gawain go on a journey to look for the “Holy Chalice.) (During their journey, they meet a young man, Gareth, and learn he is Gawain’s long-lost brother.)

Gawain: “That crest on your sword, are youーー”

Gareth: “T-This is… Apparently the household crest of my father, who left when I was a child. My mother entrusted this sword to me when I left….”

Gawain: “That’s my household’s crest.”

Gareth: “Huh!?”

Lancelot: “What do you mean by that?”

Gareth: “Then, my father is…”

Gawain: “To think I’d encounter my half-sibling in a place like this.” “You have my thanks, Lancelot. I’m constantly being helped by you.”

~~~

Arthur: “It’s said that with Merlin’s magic, Gwen can become a human. If that’s true, then there’s the possibility that she’ll also become my wife.”

Lancelot: “Gwen becoming the king’s wife….!?”

“If you go against Gwen’s wishes, you’ll anger her mother, the Lady of the Lake.”

Arthur: “It has already been decided.”

Lancelot: “Your Majesty….!”

Izumi: (His dignity as the king is incredible. Thanks to that, Lancelot’s anguish deepens when he turns his back on the king whom he swore an oath to, increasing the depth of the story.)

~~~

Izumi: (When Gwen proposes running away to Lancelot, Gawain, loyal to the king, is confronted by the other knights.) When Gwen is half-transformed into a human, a fight breaks out at the ritual site, and amidst the confusion, Gareth loses his life at Lancelot’s side.)

Gareth: “I-I’m fine! P-Please, hurry and take Gwen… I’m fine!”

Lancelot: “.....gh, I’m sorry. You’re a true knight.”

*Itaruns off screen*

Gareth: “T-Thank you…”

Gawain: “Gareth! Gareth, hang on!”

Gareth: “Brother… I’m glad I was able to become a knight….”

Audience B: *sobbing*

Izumi: (Gareth dies without holding a grudge against Lancelot and Gwen. He smiles in his last moments, gripping the hearts of the audience.) (This Gareth has an ephemeral expression, a different vibe from Masumi’s usual Gareth, as if he were Gareth himself.)

Arthur: “What is the meaning of this, Mordred?”

Mordred: “Uncle, I’ve been aiming to dispose of you for a long time.”

Gawain: “How did you accomplish a rebellion so quickly….?”

Merlin: “With my magic, this much isn’t difficult at all.”

Arthur: “Merlin!” [1]

Gawain: “No way, even you’ve become a traitorー”

Merlin: “I thought I could use this one better than Arthur.”

Izumi: (Both Sakuya-kun and Tsuzuru-kun had difficulty performing villainous roles well in the previous performance, but this time, it looks like they’re enjoying themselves with ease. It’s quite solid.) (Peace returns to the castle and Gawain slashes at Lancelot. In their last scene together….)

Gawain: “ーーHaa!”

*slashes*

Lancelot: “ーーgh.”

Arthur: “What are you doing, Gawain.”

Gawain: “I told you I still haven’t forgiven you, didn’t I?”

Lancelot: “.....”

Gawain: “But, that doesn’t change the fact that you are my friend.”

Lancelot: “Gawain….”

Gawain: “I’ll take you to see Gareth. I’m sure he’ll be happy.”

Lancelot: “.....”

Izumi: (Up until here, the exchanges, sword fighting, everything was in sync. Because of their every day relationship, it’s gotten even better than before!)

~~~

Tonooka: Nice work. Because Hoshii was very busy, he went home early, but he was in a very pleasant mood. “Thank you for making me interested in theatre, as well as making me feel like I was on a journey together with you,” is what he said.

Sakuya: You did it, Itaru-san!

Itaru: ーーHell yeah, I feel like something good might come out if I pull the gacha right now.

Tsuzuru: Eh, you’re gonna pull the gacha looking like Lancelot?

Masumi: He’s a hopeless game freak.

Citron: Speaking of which, you still haven’t pulled, Itaru?

Itaru: Not excessively. ーーNow then. Enter the stage, SSR.....! [2]

Itaru: Hell yeah! Got it! SSR Lancelot!

Sakuya: That’s great, Itaru-san!

Itaru: And with that, the winner of the gacha contest is me, Senpai.

Chikage: Oh, I didn’t tell you, huh. ーーLook.

Itaru: Eh, Gawainーーand Lancelot!?

Chikage: When I tried doing one 10 pull, I got both of them. [3] It’s my victory.

Citron: Ohh Itaru, a bright yet short-lived joy!

Tsuzuru: So it’s Itaru-san’s loss after all.

Itaru: Even though I accumulated good karma….I don’t understand.

Tl notes and comments:

[1]  easiest line in the play thus far HAHAHA

[2] Itaru says SSR演出入った……！which I translated as a kind of play on 演出 is like “stage production” and 入る is to enter. Therefore, “enter the stage!”  

[3] DISGUSTING

Thanks for reading my translation up to this point! I hope it was easy to follow along! If you spot any mistakes in grammar or the translation, please don’t hesitate to let me know! I know Eng A3! will eventually catch up, but until then, if anyone has any other stories (preferably Spring Troupe) they’d like translated, feel free to message me! I may be translating something from Yume100 soon, but we’ll see...

Part 1 || Part 2

[chxoticmuses]

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME

Status: ACCEPTING!!!

@themercifulmother said: botthhh of our ships

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - This is tricky because technically they didn’t at first but then they did? I feel like the feelings were still there even after they broke up, so I’d say forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - At least a month or two. Travis always found her attractive, but it wasn’t until they became friends and started talking more frequently that he fell for her hard and fast.

How was their first kiss? - It was awkward but cute at the same time. Awkward because the two of them didn’t know how to react, but cute because it revealed that the two of them definitely had feelings for each other. 10/10. Travis would definitely want to relive the moment.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Travis. It was more like a suggestion than a proposal but it counts!

Who is the best man/men? - Someone that Travis worked with.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Whoever Delores managed to meet when they relocated

Who did the most planning? - The wedding wasn’t too extravagant, so not much planning went into it but they each did their parts! It’s not like Travis wasn’t involved at all, he just let Delores have creative control over everything

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Anyone who could’ve possibly spilled their location to the people looking for them in New York

Sex:

Who is on top? - Travis likes to be on top. It gives him a sense of dominance but every now and then he lets her get on top because he likes the view.

Who is the one to instigate things? - You would think it’s Travis, but it’s actually Delores. She thinks she’s slick, but Travis be picking up on her.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 (It’s pretty healthy. It’s not a 24/7 thing but they’re able to talk about and implement new things in the bedroom without it being awkward)| 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - A normal session for them is about 30-45 minutes

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Travis tries his best to make sure Delores gets off even when he doesn’t

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two!

How many children will they adopt? - I don’t think they would adopt. I can see Cecilia bringing around one of her troubled friends and then kinda acting as parental like figures.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Delores. Only because Travis is at work most of the time.

Who is the stricter parent? - Delores. Travis is a “Ask your mother” and “I don’t care as long as your mom says yes” type dad

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Travis will yell out a loud “Hey!” Just to spook them and stop them from whatever they were thinking about doing. That counts, right?

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Surprisingly, it’s Travis! Because his job requires him to be up late at night he always packs the lunches for the next morning. Just to take one less thing off Delores’s list.

Who is the more loved parent? - This question is trifling in its entirety but we both know it’s Delores.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - I can see Delores getting involved with the girls’s school during their elementary and middle school years to help out with things like dances, fundraisers, etc.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Neither of them cry. They were very proud though!

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Travis is the more laidback parent. He doesn’t give much of a reaction when his kids tell him things, so they often call for him in situations like that.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - It depends. Some nights the family prefers Delores’s gourmet home cooking and other nights they prefer Travis’s grilling. They rotate around a lot.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Delores. Travis will literally eat, or at least try, anything that someone puts in front of him.

Who does the grocery shopping? - If he has time, Travis will be nice and go do it while he’s out driving around. She makes the list and he gets everything for her.

How often do they bake desserts? - Travis loves sweets! He has a huge sweet tooth and he enjoys the process that comes with baking. He’s no professional, but he’s experimented around enough to know what he’s doing. He tries to bake at least three times a week.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Travis. He likes going all out for special events such as their anniversary.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - When neither of them have the energy or feel that’s it’s too late to cook than Travis usually suggests to just go out or buy fast food.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Travis. And yes, it has happened before. He was trying to make burgers indoors one day, but he didn’t know how to use a stove like that.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - They make the girls do it 😈

Who is really against chores? - Neither of them are against them. If the house is dirty then they’re going to say something and make an attempt to clean it up, but Travis does fall on the lazier side.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Travis!

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Travis when he knows Delores isn’t looking or he’s too lazy to pick it up in that moment.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Delores! Travis doesn’t really care like that. He doesn’t mind presenting the house as it is, but he’ll help make it look tidy if Delores asks.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - I’m going to pull a wildcard and say the girls. They’re always leaving things all over the house and that happens to include the spare change that their parents give them.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Travis. He’s the type to just stand there in the shower for a long time thinking.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Travis does it for a peace of mind, but he doesn’t mind Delores joining him since he knows that she adores dogs.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Every time a major holiday rolls around their house is decorated!

What are their goals for the relationship? - I’m going to answer this with older Delores and Travis in mind; right now their main goal is to build a safe and loving (but mostly safe) household for their children.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Travis. He’s a night owl; does everything at night and sleeps through the entire morning. Might be a little productive in the evening.

Who plays the most pranks? - Travis is a big joker which shocks a lot of people who get to know him. He plays little pranks on Delores all the time, but they’re harmless and nothing too serious. The type of pranks that get you mad in the moment, but later you can laugh about them.

[lizzybeth1986]

Quick Thoughts on Is This The Real Life or Is This Just A Very Bizarre Fantasy?

• Here are the tags to block if you don't want to see this post on your dash: #long post, #trh quick thoughts, #trh qts, #trh qt reblogs.

• It's...Chapter 10. Often known as the midpoint. I know TRR isn't exactly the most nuanced series out there, but you know what used to happen by midpoints here? Important plot stuff that had buildup and development prior to it happening.

• Funny enough all three chapter 10s so far had something to do with Constantine! Book 1's had him announce he was stepping down and making Liam king, Book 2 had the reveal that the conspiracy against the MC was his idea. And then he actually dies in Book 3 Chapter 10. Now that he's no more, I guess they brought back another asshole dad to take his place.

• PB if you were really in a mood to bring back Bertrand's dad the least you could have done was build it up properly. You had an entire freaking chapter to at least build up on the Beaumont family relationships and issues! Yet all we see is that motorcycle with a hint that never fully gets told and very little besides that.

• Like, the narrative usually takes soooo much time to build everything properly, right? With chapters and chapters of hints? Look at all these things that you built up over chapters and sometimes over books: Liam's issues with his dad...The whereabouts of Savannah...Drake's connection to Bastien...Drake's mom's ranch...Drake's special relationship with his dad...Drake's duel...Drake's secret wedding...oh.

• Screenshots:

Hana: The Abhirio YouTube channel

Drake: @thefirstcourtesan and the BizzysChoices YouTube channel

Maxwell: @itsbrindleybinch

Title: The Beaumont Bachelor Bash

Alternative Title: Proof That Drake Is Undoubtedly Leona's Nephew. Even When He's Trying To Be Nice.

• Now Playing As Bertrand.

Wh - what...?

Okay but this is probably a tiny section and then my MC will come and save the day, right? Right?? I mean it's happened before (one of the most recent times we got a Bertrand PoV was in a Chapter 10, in fact!)

• ...how the hell did a motorcycle fit inside THAT BOX?

• I know, I know. It's mentioned time and again that the package is huuuuge. But that's...not the kind of packaging I'd be expecting for something that large. It wouldn't be SQUARE, at least.

• Okay wait. What was Maxwell panicking and stress-dancing about again? Bertrand isn't cottoning on to this plan as quickly as Maxwell/the LI was implying in that text.

• Okay wait so their great plan for the BBBB was...Bertrand putting away his cutlery and..."roughin' it"? Aren't bachelor/ette parties supposed to be catered to the guest of honour's needs?

Or is "something you want" only meant for Savannah? Because Hana actually read up and did research and tried to cater the entire party to whatever Savannah liked - not drag her along for something that wasn't her thing with "expand your horizons!" as an excuse.

• Like me, Bertrand doesn't fully trust his brother-in-law's motives.

• Wait what.

.• Bertrand is getting a new outfit. Oh he's wearing it already. Okay good. Must be free!

•

WHAT. WHAT. ARE YOU TELLING ME I'M NOT SEEING ESTHER FOR THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER

• I am NOT buying Bertrand new clothes. I didn't buy any last book, and I'm not going to start buying them now. Even if I didn't buy him the swanky maroon sweater last book he somehow wound up wearing it anyway in the finale. I'm sure he'll survive and they'll probably let him wear it for free some other time lol.

• Drake leads the boys to a nearby river, hoping to catch some fish that they can cook for dinner later.

• Bertrand gets...a dilapidated fishing pole. While everyone has prepared enough to get their own, perfectly alright ones. Drake is truly from Leona's bloodline, giving Bertrand stuff that'll make his task difficult (remember how she gave Bertrand a really rough horse to the country fair?). "I just wanted you to believe in yourself", my ass. You're doing this for your own entertainment.

• Also wasn't Maxwell organizing this party? Why does the end result look so much like Drake's idea? Or maybe the boys are splitting the activities between each other or something idk.

•

• That's a...puffer fish?

• The funniest option is the choose to grab Drake because Bertrand calls him "the Aggressively Rustic Drake" haha. It means of course that Bertrand will not get a fish but that's okay, Drake and Liam catch more than enough for dinner.

• But if Bertrand DOES catch that big fish his chest is all puffed out in pride and he notices no one else caught a fish as big as his 😄

• You can TELL Liam chose the next activity, because it's so aggressively Cordonian 😂 You need to shoot an apple with a weapon (preferably a bow and arrow, but the game offers you a rifle and an ornate gun as well).

• Of course I went ahead and shot Drake with a rubber bullet. Sorry Bertrand but I'm sure you can get your Knight-Marksmanship and Honorary Defender of the Realm award in a kinder person's playthrough 😅

• It's a nice scene, quite reminiscent of the first half of Maxwell's armoury scene last book, which involves Maxwell and the MC playing the same game.

• Now that we're done with the apples, it's time to bring out the bubbly!

• "This is not my bachelor party," says Drake when a surprised Liam asks him about why there's no whiskey. Coulda fooled me dude I've never heard of people giving the groom a dilapidated fishing pole to fish with for that kind of thing. I mean like more than 90% of this entire plan seems to cater to your tastes more than his.

• Bertrand (about the bubbly): This is from an excellent region of France!

Maxwell: Which one?

Bertrand: ...Champagne.

😂

• It's now night, so time for some...idk heartfelt man-talk or something.

•

It starts out with the main LI speaking about Bertrand and Savannah's relationship, praising them for how far they've come and there is some emphasis on the fact that they have Bartie. This leads the LI in question (if they're there) to talk candidly about their relationship with the MC and their sadness that they aren't pregnant yet.

- Liam: Speaks of how amazing the MC is and wonders if he's putting her through too much pressure on his Queen with the expectations of an heir.

- Drake: Very similar to Liam's, but this time Liam apologizes for forcing them into this kind of pressure and promises to withdraw it if that's what they want. (Liam will allow it, the narrative won't!)

- Hana: Since neither of the women are there, the conversation goes straight into Liam wondering if he did the wrong thing by placing that much pressure on them, and Bertrand reassuring him that both are phenomenal women and any child they bring up will be a worthy successor to the throne.

- Maxwell: From what @itsbrindleybinch was telling me, there's no discussion about Liam's offer or the pressure from him! The conversation is more centered around his fear that he might screw up in parenting...to which his brother has some of the best responses:

Istg when the writers really allow for those two to blossom on their own, the Brothers Beaumont dynamic is fantastic. I loved both responses from Bertrand.

I'm still wondering why there isn't much from Liam about the pressure he's placing on them, though! I mean, Maxwell and his wife are put under the same amounts of pressure so you'd expect Liam to speak up there too, right? (correct me if I'm wrong, because I can't find a full playthrough of Maxwell's route anywhere).

• The discussion slowly progresses into one about Bertrand's love for Savannah and not knowing how to show it properly to her...to which Drake responds that Bertrand needs to SHOW what he feels and maybe do a big dramatic gesture like the ones you see in romcoms (racing through an airport to confess your love, or confessing it while standing in the rain)...lmao I love how big gestures are something Savannah wants for herself but somehow she can't do the smallest things to help Bertrand feel more comfortable in her own damn home.

• Also I need to laugh at how desperately the writers are now trying to show us how "open minded" Drake is LMAO. TRR Drake looked down on his nose on practically all things not macho (including authentic Chinese food and pink cakes) and now they're making it sound like he's a romcom fan and willing to experiment with a tutu.

• Not buying that serenading scene. I didn't handhold Bertrand into telling Savannah about the Beaumont finances, nor did I handhold him into proposing. He did pretty okay without my help so far.

• The serenading scene has two main components (besides the logistics of communicating and then climbing up to her window) - telling Savannah his feelings and then singing to her. The first main options include suggestions from the boys:

Liam: Very sweet and romantic, with the kind of flowery language you would expect from Liam, and that Bertrand feels so comfortable with that he smiles as he says the words.

Drake: Very much, "I was an idiot but now I've come to my senses and I'm the luckiest man ever because of you" which...sure I can put it down to bias for his sister but now it just annoys me when I hear this. Esp during a time when he's claiming he actually likes Bertrand now.

Maxwell: Is just so fucking funny 😂

Bertrand: Savannah, I'm here because you're my...boo???

Maxwell: Trust me! Keep going!

Bertrand: Ahem. You are my boo, and I'm your...okay I'm not going to say that.

Savannah: What are you saying???

• For actually serenading her with a song you can either choose to go sweet and romantic, or you go "sexy", which tbh seems to be the funnier option because most of it is Bertrand muttering MmmMMmMmmm in place of all the sexy parts. Which is funny considering he and Savannah conceived a child atop an office desk of all places way before any of us even got to KISS our LIs 🤣

• Savannah is happy, Bertrand is happy, the boys are all back in the camp where they'll be spending the night. There's a tiny bit of "foreshadowing" in the ensuing conversation since Barthelemy is mentioned, but very much in a "Dad would be proud of you" way. I put that word "foreshadowing" in quotes coz there is very little it gives us, as opposed to how other things that have received foreshadowing were built up.

• Uh oh. BEAR ATTACK. From Kenna's pet-bear-from-Aurelia's descendant. Who somehow ended up in the woods in Texas 😂

• Drake tries to distract the bear, and Bertrand can either join him or go with Liam and Maxwell who are leading the way to an alternative location.

• We're out in the wilderness somewhere, and getting back to our tents is a diamond option. It's a fun diamond option though, and it doesn't involve me doing any unnecessary matchmaking.

• Liam is the strategist who makes a battle plan. Why don't I get to see him do these kind of things in his actual job PB!! Drake "knows the most woodcraft" and will therefore make a good scout, both he and Liam can draw the bear away, and Maxwell's hitherto-unseen present is now their secret weapon. Bertrand isn't sure about this plan but goes along with it anyway.

• Everything goes as per plan, and Maxwell unleashes the "secret weapon": Bertrand's beloved Cavilieri Novanta 9S motorbike. There's a small hint about him having to perhaps give it away or sell it when his father, well, did whatever he did, and Maxwell somehow traced it and got it back. I'm kinda certain that bike may feature in Bertrand's flashback if he's having one next chapter. Bertrand is emotional AND ecstatic, learning again to control his bike and to enjoy being on it.

• The best part of the bear scene, is when he uses his Duke of Ramsford voice and gives the bear the ole what-for 😂

(Bottom four screenshots from BizzysChoices' YouTube channel!)

• Even the bear could not withstand the severe tongue lashing LMAO. Bertrand has the option of ending this...um...verbal duel by telling his furry opponent to tell his children he has been bested by a Beaumont.

• The bear slumps back home in shame, but Bertrand is worried about what other tests Drake has in store. 'Tests?' Drake says innocently.

•

You're forgetting the part where you constantly blamed Bertrand for everything, knowing full well your sister made her fair share of mistakes. Or the part where you pretty much sabotaged an investigation just to stroke your ego about Bertrand getting her pregnant. Or the part where you repeatedly made it clear that you thought he didn't deserve Savannah. Or the part where you made him cluck like a chicken just before he proposed, just so you could have your moment to gloat. Or the part where you would shoot looks at Bertrand if he even so much as hinted your sister wasn't perfect. Or the part where your aunt kept making snide remarks about him, disrespected him, and gave him a rough horse, while you and your mother and your sister stood by and watched. And NOW you claim that the only person doubting Bertrand is BERTRAND?

Yeah. Well...tldr:

• My gosh. The amount of retconning happening here is giving me a headache.

• Like...I like that Drake can be nicer to Bertrand now and that most of the tension is gone. But let's not act like Drake wasn't knowingly adding fuel to the fire before??

• Anyway, the boys tell Bertrand they are proud of him and proceed to sleep in their tents or wherever they've chosen to sleep for the night.

• PB gives Liam the very, very rare chance to remind Drake that he grew up in a palace. Doesn't mean much, but I'm fairly happy.

• FINALLY. Esther's home and I can finally play as her again!

• If you bought the serenading scene, there are a couple extra lines showing Savannah and Bertrand looking super super happy.

• There's an old man at the door.

• BARTHELEMY???

• Neither of his sons even look like him. And it reads as if Bertrand is less surprised about the possibility that Barthelemy is alive than Maxwell is. What's going on.

General Thoughts:

• Alright, so it looks like this week we will be exploring the Beaumont family history, looking into why Bertrand lost his zest for life and ended up taking care of the estate when all this time his father was actually alive, and how the Beaumonts wound up so poor. There had better be a substantial amount of Maxwell because he's not been getting a lot of attention this book.

• I'm wondering if Barthelemy's return will cause Bertrand and Maxwell's insecurities to rise again, and we'll probably need to help them through that or something.

• Looks like the next chapter might have a young!Maxwell scene or Maxwell's first diamond scene, or both? Idk. I can't say for sure because I don't exactly trust the team on these things.

• There were...elements of the chapter that were good, I'll give it that. Bertrand's got an interesting narrative voice. You can tell it's him by the way he uses titles, by the way he speaks when he is proud of something he has achieved, the language itself that is heavy in its bearing. The scenes were fun from what I've seen. The bonding was good. Problem was...in a better book this wouldn't have been so irritating and such a sign of how not into the most important things about this book the team is.

• Since they had the time and the ideas, why the hell was the buildup to this reveal so flimsy and half-baked? I mean if you're going to give Bertrand an entire freaking chapter, shouldn't you have been using at least that space to have Bertrand speak a little more about Barthelemy? Or build it up earlier? All this time we'd had to deal with Savannah's griping and complaining and Leona's snide remarks, we could have spent learning from Maxwell a little about his family.

• Usually buildup to a lot of these things happen through hints over chapters. But this? Little to none. Maybe like two half-sentences said just before the reveal. It's all kinds of shitty, and it's what happens when the most important Beaumont is a Walker.

• I'm also pretty surprised Liam doesn't get to apologize to Maxwell the way he does to Drake about the royal heir thing.

• So the Walker Ranch chapters started around Chapter 6, and might possibly end around Chapter 12 (with a detour to Auvernal around Chapter 9). That's 5 whole chapters + one more to tour the States itself.

• I know the original idea was to do an epilogue book revolving around the Walker ranch, so there's obviously a lot more clarity in those chapters than in the others. But that is still no excuse. If they were going to change track they should have been doing it properly. There's no excuse for this kind of selective laziness especially when it's been manifested countless times before.

• I also find the whole idea of revolving the epilogue book still pretty problematic. At the core of it that would be more of Drake and his family (which was already happening honestly) and it would mean they are absolutely front and center of everything. If the original idea was to focus fully on the Walkers...yikes.

• Yeah honestly, this chapter was pretty iffy for me. And I'm not exactly very enthusiastic about writing for it, or playing the next chapter.

• Also! For those who didn't see it, this past week I'd been working on an essay about the treatment for Kiara and Penelope in TRR Book 3, and it's here below in case you haven't read it and you want to!

To Be Not Heard: Kiara, Penelope and the Question of Validation.

• Alright! On to the next chapter.

If you like it and want to discuss it, I'd be only too happy to read your comments! 😀

[melonbreadallthetime]

Ken-chan’s Fan Event 2019

I was lucky enough to score tickets for all 3 sessions on the 24th and although the general format is the same for every session, the things said in each session are actually pretty different because of how Ken-chan decided to do things.  Each session had me in stitches, I was laughing so hard my face hurt, and overall, I had a super wonderful time.  

Check out the Read More for a full write-up and more pictures!

Ken-chan's guests for the 24th were co-stars from his current show GEKIIKE Masquerade, and they were Isaka Tatsuya and Washio Shuuto.  Shuuto has been a guest for Ken-chan before (not when I went), and I’ve actually been a fan of Isaka Tatsuya for over 10 years (from when he was Ichigo in Burimyu) so there was a hilarious war inside me between my 18-year-old-self who loved Tatsuya best to my current self that loves Ken-chan (equally?  More?  A LOT even if it’s not as long).  Shouma was also there because Shouma’s ALWAYS there; I’m pretty sure Ken-chan has never had a fan event without Shouma.  Although he’s usually there in a helping capacity, maybe emceeing, this time he was more like one of the guests and was on-stage for the Q&A and Etudes (improv skits).  Kainuma Yutaka, an actor Ken-chan met working on Nintama was the emcee.  

So the format was: Ken-chan, Tatsuya, and Shuuto would appear as a debuting idol group, perform their 2 debut singles (not original), and then there was a Q&A session with questions from the audience (we had to email questions beforehand), and then there were the Etudes (they always did three), and then Ken-chan did a present raffle for the audience, giving away solo cheki (polaroids) and one of his handmade uchiwa, and then the show would end with him taking photos with any fans who paid for a cheki with him.  Surprisingly, they also offered cheki for Ken-chan's guests, Tatsuya and Shuuto and Shouma, which is rare.  I’ve never seen an actor event where that was an option.  

1) Debut Idol Group

This portion is a gag, since these three are pretending to form an idol group together, but they basically styled themselves like one of those... color-coded, young-boys-breaking-into-the-industry, put-together-by-an-agency type idol group.  So they all had color-coded headbands (Ken-chan had red, Tatsuya had blue, and Shuuto had yellow), and they all had white T-shirts with their idol names SHARPIED on (Ken-chan's shirt read Akkun, Tatsuya’s shirt read Takkun, and Shuuto’s read Shukkun).  They also all wore these REALLY TIGHT skinny jeans with color-coded belts, and their makeup was A LOT OF BLUSH to make themselves look boyish.  Shuuto even had freckles drawn over his blush.  Ken-chan was also pitching his voice to sound much higher.  Tatsuya’s Takkun personality wasn’t all that different from himself, he was pretty silly and hammy.  Ken-chan as Akkun would stutter a lot, would not stop wiggling his hips across the stage and striking poses, and very excitable, very... manufactured idol.  Shuuto as Shukkun was SUPER SHY AND QUIET and wouldn’t really talk or move at all, he just stood on the far right towards the back of the stage with his shoulders all stiff and a terrified, deer-in-the-headlights look.  

Then they performed their two “singles” which were actually songs from like the 70’s or 80’s (I’d heard them before but couldn’t place them).  They’d play the original music video behind them and then sing (so really it was more like a karaoke session), and they actually didn’t know all the words to both songs, so they had uchiwa themselves on-stage.  One one side they had Sharpied their names (Akkun, Takkun, Shukkun), and on the other side, they’d printed THE LYRICS to the songs.  Ken-chan would sing and also DANCE by flailing like a maniac most of the time around the stage, shaking his hips constantly and striking dramatic Jojo poses, like someone drunk at karaoke who’s getting WAY too into the music but it’s great for spectators.  Tatsuya was honestly putting in a decent amount of effort too, singing nice and clearly and trying to dance along even though there was really no following Ken-chan.  Shuuto, because of his character, would stay stiff and still in the back right of the stage, quietly singing along and holding his uchiwa up to his face, very obviously reading the lyrics and not really ‘performing’ like the other two.  

Usually during the instrumental breaks in both songs, Ken-chan would try and get Tatsuya to do something ridiculous with him.  In the first session, he’d make Tatsuya bend forward so that he cold leapfrog over him sideways, and then he made Tatsuya leapfrog over him, and then they pulled Shuuto in for a 3-man pyramid and then they’d RUN back to grab their uchiwa off the table so they could start singing again in time lolololol.  Second session, they did lifts for Ken-chan; so Tatsuya and Shuuto would take either of Ken-chan's arms and lift him in an angel pose and carry him across the stage, In the third session, they kept trying to do these lifts that they didn’t really know how to do, so Tatsuya would lift Ken-chan onto his shoulders, but then he kept trying to get Ken-chan to sort of... stand? By bracing his feet on his thighs and it was not working because Ken-chan didn’t know what to do and then Tatsuya accidentally decked Ken-chan in the crotch with his head and Ken-chan dramatically rolled around the floor on-stage, clutching his crotch and the others sort of checked on him before hurrying to grab their lyrics because they were missing their cues lololololol.  

And then after the performance, Yutaka-san and Shouma would join them on stage.  They’d joke around about how Shukkun was new and that’s why he’s so nervous and not doing as well as the other two.  Yutaka-san would point out that they only formed their group recently, as in, TODAY, and Akkun said in one session, “Well he arrived last in the morning.  So he’s the new guy.  I’m his senpai by two minutes.”  

Oh and I forgot to mention that their idol group name was “Atashi,” which is (1) the most feminine way to say “I,” and (2) a reference to Arashi, the most famous Japanese boy band that’s existed since 1999.  

Then they would “transform” into themselves with an “illusion” which just meant Ken-chan would twirl around on-stage shouting, “ILLUSION!!!” and they’d flash the lights on the stage, and then the three would start acting like themselves to start the Q&A session.

2) Q&A Session

They always did about three pre-selected audience questions that had to be e-mailed in before the day, and it was fun because they would ask the question to all four of them in most cases, and usually they’d get a little de-railed and end up talking about one question for several minutes.  Most of the questions were summer-themed and resulted in a lot of really random information from all of them like how Tatsuya really likes to go riding on his motorcycle out into nature and go solo-camping, Shuuto refuses to turn on the air conditioning even in summer (to get stronger, whatever that means), and Ken-chan was actually scouted at age 15, but didn’t decide to seriously pursue work in the entertainment industry until he turned 18.  There was even some conversation about choosing to stay in entertainment, and Shuuto brought up the great point that most actors quit around the time that they’re 29 and move on to other things and/or start a family, “so the ones who stick around past thirty are the weirdos.”  And Ken-chan was like HEY and Tatsuya was like ‘yeah maybe...’  But Shuuto fixed it to say that the over-thirty actors are then some of the most wonderful senpai to learn from as a younger actor.  

One of the questions that I found really cute was one that asked how they did their summer homework back when they were in school.  Do it at the start of summer type, work on it gradually throughout the summer type, or the procrastinator.  Tatsuya said he always had a lot of anxiety about it so he was the type to do his homework little by little every day throughout the summer, and that he’s the same way now as actor.  He has nightmares about getting the script and then the tour of a play starting the next day when he hadn’t learned any of his lines yet, so he’s very diligent about memorization.  Ken-chan and Shouma were both procrastinators who put off their homework to the end, although Ken-chan also mentioned a friend he had in high school who would dedicate the first two weeks of summer entirely to vacation, and the last two weeks entirely to vacation, but would do his absolute best for three days right in the middle to finishing all of his homework then.  Shuuto said he was the type to never do his homework and run away from the teachers.  In the first session when this question was asked, there was actually a child in the audience (she looked maybe about 8?) and he noticed her and kind of immediately backtracked and said to her directly, “But that’s not good, okay?  I did a bad thing, you have to do your summer homework.”  

Tatsuya apparently really likes camping by himself, winter camping, and recently has started buying more and more camping gear.  He invited Ken-chan to go camping with him, and Ken-chan said he’d go, and Shuuto just flat out immediately refused, going, “Nope, it’s summer, there are too many bugs.”  And they were like, “Didn’t you want to be stronger?  Don’t you not turn on your air conditioning for that?” And he was just like, “This is different.”  Tatsuya mentioned recently buying an axe for camping purposes, and very casually said, “Between a knife and an axe, I prefer an axe, you know?” And everyone else was just like, “I have literally never thought about that.  Nobody thinks about that.”  

There was a question about favorite places they’ve visited when traveling, maybe for work, and it got sidetracked because they started talking about weird experiences in different places.  So Ken-chan went to this kind of foresty and mountainy area for a shoot and they were filming at night and in the distance they could see a weird red light.  They thought maybe it’s the SDF (Japanese Self Defense Force) or maybe a matsuri, except it was like 1am, so Ken-chan and several others went to go check it out.  And as they were getting closer, the light moved up, grew into a bright orb, and then suddenly vanished.  So they all thought they saw a UFO.  He also says half the people he tells this story to don’t believe him, but Tatsuya believed him because he then talked about a ghost encounter inside a theater he was performing in.  He was crawling in the space under the stage to get to the other side of the stage and there was someone in front of him that wasn’t supposed to be there because he was supposed to be first in line getting out, so he tried crawling faster to catch up, but when he turned this one corner, nobody was there.  And then they all agreed that there are definitely haunted theaters everywhere.  

When asked if there was anything recent that they started getting into, all of their answers were for super old franchises.  Ken-chan talked about getting into Pokemon cards for the first time, meeting up and playing games with Shouhei (1st Nishinoya from Engeki Haikyuu), and Tatsuya talked about how it was hard to collect Pokemon cards as a kid because you don’t have money, but as an adult you can go all in and really build the decks you want so it’s more satisfying as an adult to play the card game.  Shuuto for some reason listed Dragonball, and when asked what his favorite season or version he liked, he said, “All of it.”  And they were like, oh come on pick a favorite, and he was like, “It’s not about that.  It’s about the world.”  

There was another question that asked them to compliment the person on their right, but they were sitting in a line on stage and there was nobody to Shouma’s right, so then they all stood up in a 4-person circle, arms around each other other and touching foreheads and the emcee was like THE AUDIENCE CAN’T SEE YOU IF YOU DO THAT, SIT BACK DOWN.

So Ken-chan complimented Shuuto saying that he’s really kind and this is because he pays a lot of attention to the people around him and knows how to read people’s moods.  When Shuuto was complimenting Tatsuya, he started listing things going, “Well he’s an idiot...” And everyone else was like, “...in a good way, right?” And he was like yes yes, in a good way.  And then “He’s loud...” The emcee added, “In a good way.”  Followed by “He’s clumsy,” and the emcee went, “In a good way—I shouldn’t have to be adding these!!”  But since Tatsuya didn’t really know Shouma because they were meeting for the first time, Shouma said it was okay, they could skip him, but the others insisted that Tatsuya could pull it off.  So Tatsuya looked at Shouma very carefully and went, “His hair looks like Trunks.  A small, good-looking face... great smile!” And it was super cute and adorable honestly.   Then the emcee told Tatsuya and Shuuto to compliment Ken-chan, since it’s his event and all, so they both talked about how warm and inviting he is as a person, and they thought it was wonderful how much thought and effort he put into planning his events, even if he asks them to do ridiculous things, it’s with such genuine enthusiasm they’re happy to go along with his whims.  

3) Etude improv skits

And now for my favorite, the improv skits that Ken-chan always does at his events.  They did three every session, and these were probably some of the best I’ve ever seen because Tatsuya and Shuuto were so great and the dynamic between the three of them was so fun.  I’m not going to remember all of these and not in exact order, but the first one they did was in a bathhouse.  There was always one that was idol themed because of the whole Atashi thing lol.  

Bathhouse This one was a bit of a mess because the others took these little buckets and put them over their crotches like men do in public baths, Shouma was pretending to be a cleaner/staff going around mopping and cleaning, but then Ken-chan out of nowhere decided he was going to be an old woman so he was covering his chest and pinching his thighs together and shrieking any time any of the others got near him, “Iyaaahh!!  A man!! What are you doing here?!”  So then Tatsuya and Shuuto sort of... semi-switched to being women too, and Ken-chan walked through the audience to the back of the room, complaining like comical old ladies do, but there were staff members in the back of the room working the projector and the music, so he got annoyed that there were men even in the back lololol.  And then Tatsuya clutched his chest on-stage and fell over like he was in pain, so Shuuto shoved Shouma at him going, “HELP, do something!”  And Shouma bent down next to Tatsuya, checked his condition, and then screamed, “SHE’S GIVING BIRTH!!!!” Which then had all of them pulling open Tatsuya’s legs and getting up into his crotch while screaming the entire time and I just... I could not breathe.  But then it turned out Tatsuya was fine, but then Ken-chan fell over so they started spreading his legs to help deliver a baby and it was just... so much.  I don’t even remember how it ended, just that it was a mess lol.

They actually do the bathhouse prompt twice, in the first session and then the third session because they wanted to try and see if they could do it better the second time around.  They couldn’t lolololol.  But that one had Shuuto, Shouma, and Ken-chan just constantly avoiding Tatsuya and leaving him behind while he kept trying to be part of the group and was whining that they kept leaving him.  At one point they get ready to leave without him, and this involved Shuuto going and grabbing Tatsuya’s actual backpack from off-stage and bringing back an earlier joke about Tatsuya’s solo camping.  Ken-chan commented on how cool the backpack was, and Shuuto went, “It’s great for camping!  And you know, between a knife and an axe, I much prefer an axe!”  

Mermaid princess This one started with Shouma on the chairs rowing like he was on a boat, and Tatsuya wiggled (swam) over and said hi to him, which resulted in Shouma just shrieking like a maniac and passing out.  Because that’s what anyone would do when confronted with a mermaid I guess.  So then Tatsuya got all grumpy and pouty because she just wants to become a human, but, “All these human men are useless!” which, I mean, mood.  Shuuto grabbed 4 of the uchiwa off the table and made makeshift crab claws out of them to hold in his hands and walked sideways across the stage singing “Under the Sea” and then Ken-chan showed up as some other unspecified undersea presence and tries to convince Tatsuya to stay in the sea.  And then Shouma revived himself and went, “I’m not a man, I’M A WITCH!!!”  And offered Tatsuya the chance to become human, but Ken-chan grabbed Tatsuya’s arm and dramatically spun him around and HELD him REAL CLOSE and was just like, “Don’t go, stay.”  And suddenly it got WEIRDLY romantic and the witch came around going, “Don’t be fooled by his--” and Tatsuya just went, “Shut up for a sec!” And just stared longingly into Ken-chan's eyes!??!?!  He put his hand on Ken-chan's arm to start, and then it moved to his chest, and he kept inching closer, and Ken-chan kept inching closer and it was kind of like gay chicken except that NEITHER WAS BACKING DOWN and eventually they got to touching foreheads and Tatsuya whispering throatily, “I’ll stay with you,” and it was just A LOT.  OKAY.  A LOT.  I basically watched my teenage-actor-crush and my adult-actor-crush nearly kiss and it was TOO. MUCH.   Shuuto and the emcee were just off to one side of the stage laughing and generally staying out of the way by that point and even Shouma just left them be once they got to touching foreheads because it was like ooookaaayyyy you two are clearly having a moment.  

Idol auditions For some reason, they decided that the idol auditions for this one would be done like a variety show and Shouma was the host of the program with Shuuto, Ken-chan, and Tatsuya auditioning.  Shuuto was nervous and shy and could barely talk or do anything and mostly all he could say was his random generated number 3289 or something and Ken-chan was then number 56 (because what’s consistency worth) and was enthusiastic but BAD.  So he kept stuttering and flailing around and shaking his hips nonstop but none of it was meant to look good.  Tatsuya admitted he was only doing this because he wants to break out as an actor, which the host frowned upon, but then Tatsuya was actually the most impressive one lololol.  Well, comparatively anyway.  Certainly he was the coolest.  But it ended with the host announcing that the three of them could be idols together and they were like yaaaaaay!

Pokemon In the second session, the first prompt was Pokemon and Ken-chan actually prepared a lot of things for it, so then they were like IT’S NOT IMPROV IF YOU PLANNED IT ALL OUT BEFOREHAND!!! But basically the 4 of them drew cards to see who would be trainers and who would be Pokemon, and then the ones that got to be Pokemon would draw cards to see which Pokemon they’d be.  But Tatsuya admitted he didn’t know any of the pokemon past the first 150, so they told him to do his best with the first one and then gave him a second card so he could play two.   Shouma and Ken-chan were trainers, and Shuuto and Tatsuya were Pokemon, with Shuuto being Pikachu.  Shouma introduced himself as “I’m Festival Boy!!” because he was wearing a happi and obviously you never fight any named trainers in the game outside of gym leaders.  But then Ken-chan went, “I’m RedYellowGreen!.”  By the way, I was seated in the first row for this session which was RIGHT UP against the little stage and that meant being absurdly close to all of this nonsense.  Shouma told Shuuto-Pikachu to tackle and he literally went and tackled Tatsuya, knocking both Tatsuya AND Ken-chan over lololololol.  Shuuto and Tatsuya were low on the ground on all fours or crouching to be the Pokemon, and making dumb little pokemon cries the entire time, and when Tatsuya got beat on a couple more times, Ken-chan switched him out.  I missed what Pokemon Tatsuya was supposed to be first because I was too busy wheezing but the second time, he was Venusaur.  It didn’t matter though because Shuuto-Pikachu went over and shocked them both so Shouma won the battle.   The emcee had no idea what was going on because he doesn’t know anything about Pokemon, but he figured it was good because everyone was laughing so much.  But at the end, Shuuto again said, “This seriously wasn’t a proper etude!  Don’t call it that if you—just tell us what you want to do and we’ll do it!  Don’t lie!”   I couldn’t help but remember one of the third-year videos Ken-chan did with Hiroki and Justin were Ken-chan was again a trainer and Hiroki and Justin were Pokemon and Hiroki had that really great Squirtle cry and then Hiroki and Justin attacked Ken-chan, RIP.  (x)

Idol Dressing Room Shouma played the manager in this skit, who’s trying to sell them on this idea of being in this play with this one director.  Mind you, their parts are things like “long-horned beetle,” and “rhino beetle.”  Tatsuya and Ken-chan are arguing about whether or not they should, with Tatsuya being interested because of who the director is, Ken-chan thinks it’s a pain, and when they ask Shuuto’s opinion, he just quietly and shyly replies, “Let’s do it,” and they were like, “Well if Shukkun says we should, then I guess we should.”  But as soon as Shouma leaves, Shuuto drops his shy act and comes over to the other two all casual going, “Man, I hate our manager, he’s so useless!” and they all start bitching about their manager which had the emcee CRACKING UP because that’s realism right there lol.  But then Shouma came back with his happi wrapped around his shoulders because he was the director now and with a deeper voice was like, “You guys are going to be my new actors, right?  Show me a demonstration!” and then he sits down and dramatically crosses his legs and Tatsuya starts off.  Since he’s a type of flying beetle he just kind of throws his arms behind him and runs in a wiggle to mimic flying, and Shouma went, “No no no, that’s not what I’m imagining.  I need you to be more... sexy.”  So Tatsuya does it again but sexily and then Ken-chan as a rhino beetle stomps in but Shouma tells him to be more manly so Ken-chan does it again but this time with his chest SUPER PUFFED OUT (like how Shouhei was doing it when mimicking Daichi in Winners and Losers).  And he just marches up to Tatsuya and goes, ”You’re a beautiful beetle.  Let’s mate.”  And Tatsuya just goes, “Okayy~” and turns around and Ken-chan hugs him from behind and they start swaying together and I just DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY KEEP— And then Shuuto came in as the long-horned beetle and just started pulling and plucking at their hair and that ended the scene which... you know.  Okay.  I don’t really know how the idol dressing room prompt ended this way but it sure did.

Evil Organization This one was so campy I was dying real bad.  Shouma put a chair on himself and called himself the chair monster and I think he was like, trying to hire Shuuto and Tatsuya from their ‘evil organization’ to help wreak havoc so he was telling them to demonstrate acts of eeeeevillll.  So Shuuto went first, pulled up one of the chairs, and put his foot on it.  And they were like, OH MY GOD THAT’S SO EEEVILLLLL.  PUTTING YOUR SHOES ON A CHAIR???!?  I can’t even remember what Tatsuay did anymore but it was just as campy basically, and then Ken-chan made this dramatic entrance from the back and the others on-stage went into defense mode because they thought that he was making a hero’s entrance, but then Ken-chan was like, “I’ll show you evil!  I’m going to use a chair not as intended!” and laid a chair on its back on the floor and awkwardly lay across it going, “How easy it is to sleep in this chair!!”   After the skit they were all asking him, “Were you one of the evil guys?”  Ken-chan replied that he was being their leader and they all went, “THEN WHY DID YOU DO A HERO’S ENTRANCE?  COMING UP FROM THE BACK LIKE THAT?!”  

Idol group break-up This one starts with Atashi at their final performance before breaking up basically, but also starts with Tatsuya bragging about his solo debut, which is super upsetting for Ken-chan, and Shuuto continues to just be quiet and off the corner, unbothered because he just cares SO LITTLE about being an idol lolololol.  Ken-chan kept going, “Shukkun!  Aren’t you upset?  Doesn’t this bother you?  We’re supposed to be a team!”  And he just kept going “...not really.”  By the end though, they look out at the venue from where they are on-stage, the magnificent Tokyo Dome, with all its bright lights... all the sponsor ads in the distance (cue raucous laughter from the emcee)... and they get overwhelmed with emotion and decide that they’ll do their best together for their final concert.  Shuuto just stands quietly next to them and they’re like, “Are you overwhelmed, Shukkun?  Are you moved?!”  And he just goes, “...not really.”  

High School girls I’m just gonna say that Shuuto and Ken-chan make the WORST high school girls.  They were getting the speech patterns down, deciding to go the Mean Girls route instead of just normal high school girls, and they kept teasing and sexually harassing the teacher, Shouma.  Shuuto just sat spread eagle in his chair, pretended to lift up his skirt and was just fanning his crotch, and Ken-chan commenting on the cute pattern of his underwear before just LIFTING BOTH LEGS UP INTO THE AIR WIDE APART like, “Look at mine!!” and then were like, “oh my gawwwdd, put your legs down, we can see everything!” and Shouma as the teacher was just like GIRLS PAY ATTENTION TO THE LESSION.  Ken-chan kept... lifting his legs up in a split... I just... SIR YOU NEED TO PUT YOUR CROTCH AWAY PLEASE.  But then the girls start gossiping about how it’s the teacher’s last day, and Shouma then does turn and says that because it’s his last day, he does have a confession he wants to make.  Tatsuya stands and shyly puts his hands together because he was playing the girl that had a crush on the teacher, but Shouma goes to Shuuto instead who was like, “Ehhh??? Gross!!!” and then Shouma went, “...then... Ken-chan!” and Ken-chan was like, “Why am I a second choice?!”   They eventually pull the emcee into the skit too, making him the principal who starts yelling at Shouma and the girls then start adding stories like, “And he touched us!  He’s a pervert, a pervert!”  When Tatsuya joins in, Shouma goes, ”Okay hang on, I definitely never touched Takkun!” and outs himself for the others.  Sadly the principal is a creep too because he’s mad, but he eventually yells, “You lucky bastard!” and the girls are like, “EHH!! EVEN THE PRINCIPAL!!!” and that’s how that one ended.  

4) Prizes For the raffle prizes, Ken-chan took solo polaroids there on the spot and also gave away one of his handmade uchiwa per session.  My friend actually won one of the polaroids in the first session!  The uchiwa went with the idol theme obviously, but he’d also asked us to make our own to bring to the event, because he would sign ours!  I didn’t know that when I made mine because the autograph announcement was like, only a couple days before the event, but yeah that’s really atypical of actor events too.  

Below is the one I made; the first uchiwa I’ve ever made actually!  It was a lot of fun.

5) Polaroids and autographs I actually got two cheki with Ken-chan and one with Tatsuya during the first two sessions because I just couldn’t let the opportunity pass.  When I showed Ken-chan my uchiwa, he was very happy and impressed and signed both sides of it “just in case” it would rub off on the plastic side.  Since he always allows a little more time for each person, I told him how happy I was to be able to make the trip from America to see him again, and he smiled wonderfully and thanked me for making the trip.  When I went back for another cheki in the second session, I asked him for a “fun pose” so he offered to do the big heart with both our arms and then told me to pull out my uchiwa again so he could sign it again “since you came back a second time all the way from Seattle.”  He’s soooo sweet!!!  

When I got my polaroid with Tatsuya, I told him that I’d been a fan of him since his Burimyu days and his eyes popped open like, “Oh wow!  That’s a really long time!”  And then he put his arm around me for a HUG basically, which is also SUPER RARE for fan events so I was very shook, but also my heart was soaring.  And then as I was leaving, he said, “Thank you for supporting me for so long, I hope I can keep meeting your expectations!”  

For all my younger followers who don’t yet have the income and means to travel and are afraid of missing out, don’t be!  It might take 10+ years before you can meet your favorite Japanese stage actor, and maybe it’s in entirely different circumstances than you could ever expect, but never say never!!!  It can still happen!

Overall, this is what I love about Ken-chan's events.  They’re never very big, which is on purpose, in small venues with close quarters, so that he can make them feel more intimate and personal and so that he can take more time for each person for cheki or for handing us the merch himself as we buy it beforehand.  He does so much that’s so atypical of other actor events, and a large part of that is because he’s independent and doesn’t belong to a major agency, hence fewer rules, and the other part is because that’s what Ken-chan loves to do.  He really wants to be really close to his fans, and other actors he has as guests comment on it all the time.  He’s not afraid to be embarrassing or ridiculous in front of us, and it’s always great in some ways to see the guests he brings and who will go along with his shenanigans.  With this group, Tatsuya and Shuuto are both over 30, in fact, they’re both older than Ken-chan (who’ll be turning 31 in September), and I think that also made for a much more off-the-cuff show because they’re all veterans and they’re so comfortable with themselves.  I don’t really know Tatsuya to do events, but he kept saying he had a great time and was real sad during the third session that they were now done.  Maybe he’ll be inspired to have his own fan events soon!  I’m sure Ken-chan can help him brainstorm.  

I feel like this day had about a dozen dreams come true, even dreams I never had prior to this day, so I had a wonderful, amazing time, and I really hope I get another opportunity in the future!

[changji]

Wow you really went off the other day but at least it was worth it 😪 I normally look at the scenery when I’m on a road trip, but then I get bored of it and decide to sleep bc there’s nothing else to do. Motion sickness must suck :(( do you take gravol or something to help with it? Coffee literally drains the life out of my funds it hurts me

Yes omg pls make me cookies I love them. Maybe you can even open a bakery with pastries and sell some good /cheap/ coffee. Ilyt my dear baker 🥺 ye I’m not the biggest fan of my bday either but gotta celebrate anyway!! One year closer to death woohoo 🎉🎉 your birthday is the most important day of the year!!! You can’t fight me on this I’m right

Pearls are so good. Like most places I go to don’t add anything to the pearls so it’s just bland squishy balls but the place I frequent adds I think honey to sweeten them. It gives the pearls life istg. It tastes so good 🤤 hollering is a funny word. For some reason I always associate it with yodelling which makes me laugh

Ksks you must be op if you can make a joke in the wall with a door slam. I can’t relate my arms are literally sticks and I have no strength in me. Chrome books are terrible in general. Add my schools terrible wifi and you get one big recipe for disaster. I’d never fight u either (unless it’s for your bday) ily too much for that 🥺🥺🥺

Hahah I think it’s me. I haven’t heard anyone say “go ham” except for the people who go to my school. I find it really funny tho so I try to incorporate it whenever I can LOL easily burnt? Can’t relate but apparently I easily tan. There’s this one diagonal stripe on my shoulder that separates pale me and tan me which ??? How did that happen and what was I wearing for that to happen??

It’s all fun and games until you go outside and see a mountain of snow waiting for you to be shovelled. But there are some good aspects to winter, like skating and skiing and all that fun stuff. Snow is so heavy?? Or maybe I’m just weak but after I finish shovelling I’m beat. Gardening is not my thing. There’s too many bugs involved flying around 🥴

Kind of? I always thought it was short for cappuccino but I could be wrong. They don’t taste like fraps tho, they’re sm better. I was always a frap hoe until I discovered lattes. My old elementary school was close to a Starbucks so whenever frappy hour was happening, my friends and I would go almost every day LOL

I heard that dunkin coffee is really good. Oof there’s so many things that the us have that Canada doesn’t. But apparently you guys don’t have ketchup chips?? How can one live without them? You know that’s what soulmates are, we’re stuck together forever and I don’t mind that. I’d never leave you 😌😌

YES OMG LATTES ARE SO EXPENSIVE. I pay around the same amount and my wallet cries every time. If you ever yeet yourself off a bridge I’d come visit u in hell and bring u iced coffee 💖 we really are soulmates wtf I get almond milk in my lattes as well!! I used to get normal milk and was like “I’m a bad bitch milk can’t hurt me” but that didn’t really work out. Sigh what we do for coffee 😔

Washing dishes is disgusting. I hate doing them but yk someone’s gotta do it and that someone is me 😤 I’m acc lazy when it comes to smoothies, I usually ask my mom to make them LMAO. Pancakes are pretty much made of flour if you think about it so technically when u eat one plain ur eating cooked flour,, how barbaric. Waffles are Built. Like. They have a 20 pack 😪😪

I love angst personally so pls go ham but not too ham I’d like to keep my heart. Honestly at this point my last brain cell has given up on me. But yes I love angst and I love torturing myself with heart wrenching angst that leaves me crying into my pillow at 3am (I’m talking about this one haikyuu fic that I forgot the name of. I was literally dying inside jalsjwo)

Pls do send me peet’s I’ll send you an iced capp in a cooler so it’ll be somewhat melted and probably spilt everywhere 🤪 tumblrs probably gonna block me again, I’m looking at how much I’ve typed rn and it’s a lot lmaoo. Yes I managed to save myself. I redid the whole last with less detail bc I was not Having It but it turned out better?? How is ur drawing now?

I start after labour day in September. But starting in 3 weeks?????? On a Thursday?? I could never wtf. When do you end? I’m so confused with these ap and honours thing, like there’s none offered in my school nor majority of the school district. Are they just advanced classes or something? It is 7 classes a semester or the whole year?

Stan talent i think you meant yourself??? Jsjsksk I am not only ur coffee soulmate I’m not #1 fan as well and I support u bc ily 🥺🥺 the read more tag had me laughing for a hot minute. Like we really could make an essay out of all of our replies. I don’t have any pets (besides fish does that count?) unfortunately bc my moms allergic to fur 🥺 hbu?? (I can’t believe tumblr blocked me again they can fight me)

-

i didn’t even pay LOL i freeloaded off my cousin 🤧 i like to look @ scenery sometimes but like i can’t bc my head hurts LOL and the scenery is always the same for me, mountains and fields with cows. i try to take dramamine but it makes me so drowsy that i’m just basically dead,,, i live off of my cousins money so i’m okay 🤪

tbh i use nestle toll house pre made cookie dough, like that shit actually slaps. it’s the best it’s so good omg, perfect for lazy hoes 🤧 death here we go ! the order is ur bday, then skz debut date, and then christmas i don’t make the rules sorry sis 😤

pearls are Dangerous, i once drank a smoothie and there were pearls in it and i couldn’t see them bc there were like. only 3 and they were Buried under the smoothie but i choked and almost died but i chewed one of them and it’s like. so weird. HOLLERING AND YODELING IM- i once went to some public yodeling class and left in 2 seconds bc it was a bunch of white boys dressed like the kid from walmart 😪

it’s not even strength i’m actually rly weak,, i always think the doors are closed but they’re not and so i like slam them open and the walls are thin so it’s just. a sad hole. terrible wifi,, my school has pretty good wifi tbh but we have like three connections, one for the chrome books only, one for the teachers & staff, and one for students and guests. like it works rly good but everyone has a VPN bc of stupid social media restrictions 😤 & ilyt 🥺 u would probably win in a fight tho LOL

go ham is so interesting. the first time i heard it i thought it meant go pig and i was so confused but ig,,, i live lathered in sun screen whenever i go somewhere with the sun. ppl are like “i smell sun screen” and im just there like 🙃 it’s me u got a problem u burnt chicken nugget ??? i wish i tanned easily, i have a tan friend and when i showed her when my legs got tan she was so confused. i thought i was tan tho? bc during marching band season my sock tan becomes So Bad i’m basically white. she said she was blinded when she saw me pull my sock down and i laughed so hard LOL & i hate those dumb random tan lines like. where u @ bro? where u come from??

snow is fun for like a day and then i get tired LOL i csn only handle wet socks and a red nose for so long 😔 i tried skiing one time and i did so bad that the instructor had to hold me down and walk with me down the slope. i fell so many times i think he hated me 😳 i’m also rly bad at skating? i went w my friends once and i held both of their hands and still managed to bring both of them down when i fell. a cute guy once helped me when i was struggling to walk so 🥴 not my brightest moment tbh,, trying to walk in skates while on ice. do u enjoy skiing/skating? also gardening is. gross. worms and dirt and the sun i’m not here for it.

u: cappuccinos! me: ...ice bergs,,, now that i think about it fraps kinda suck,,, i used to think i was So Cool for drinking starbucks but now i’m like. wow. i used to think there was coffee in a frap but it’s just. sugar and ice LOL also speaking of tmrw is bogo fraps here,, idk if it’s all over the world but myb u should check it out 😪

dunkins okay it depends on what you get, i once got an iced latte and it was good but my dad got an iced coffee and he like. hated it so we had to switch and it was so bad like. it was coffee crime. it was horrible and not strong it was basically milk 😤 also,, ketchup chip? i just googled what that was and. that’s literally so weird. fun fact i hate ketchup and all other condiments i can only eat bbq sauce and i tolerate steak sauce

UR LITERALLY SO CUTE OKAY UR MINE NOW HHHH

i mentioned this in the other ask but. we going broke bitches club 😪 when u come visit me it’ll be old town road the one w mason ramsey on a loop. nothing will top the og remix but no, i’ll be stuck listening to some 5 year old rap for all of eternity

I USED TO BE SUCH A GOOD KID AND DRINK MILK EVERY MORNING ever since i got to middle school i preferred sleep over waffles and milk and i hardly drink milk but when i do. my stomach does not have it.

my mom made me wash dishes today and she just stared at me when i put ziploc bags on my hands bc we didn’t have gloves but i just painted my nails and i’m not abt to put myself thru chipped nails. not yet 😤 waffles are so good like i love waffles and lattes only 🤧

well i’ll go very ham (am i doing it right LOL) 😤 the angst ending is a lot better than the open ended or happy ones LOL i’m so excited for it 🥺 i’m rly tryna get it out before the end of this month bc the edit says july and it’ll make me Mad if i don’t get it out before the end of this month

i wanna start in september 🤧 and i usually end in the first week of june. also on a wednesday LOL it’s gross. stupid. ap means advanced placement so it’s just. a college level class. lowkey mad bc i’m taking ap euro (as a sophomore 😒) and other schools take it in their senior years? apparently this is normal? and honors are just faster paced classes with more weighting so,, idrk oops 😬 some people take 7 classes in a semester but i took it for the whole year! this year i’m dropping orchestra i’m Not for that spit in the carpet life

the only talent in this house goes by ada and jisung. i don’t make the rules. i’m ur #1 fan 🥺 as soon as u post anything i automatically smash that rb button LOL also put a read more here bc like. we’re really out here writing a whole ass essay. i’ll look @ all our convos bet it’ll be like. a lot. i don’t wanna say smth and be off so i’ll just not. i have a dog! he’s the cutest in the world and i love him sm 🥺 tumblr can fight me first like. what’s this ask limit bull hhhhh

[quarantineroulette]

Minor Disappointments’ Least Disappointing Releases of 2018

Preamble: I had a bit of a low (not Low, although that would’ve been preferable) period in 2018 that went on for several months. I didn’t really listen to music during that time, and so I missed out on a lot of things. I’m kind of too scatterbrained from holiday hysteria to really take in anything new. So these lists probably don’t designate “the best”, but they’re decent documents of what I wasn’t too distracted or down to take serious notice of.

Secondly, my own band released an album this year, and that occupied a large amount of time normally reserved for listening to other bands. I won’t rank it because I don’t want to be that conceited...but if you want to check it out for yourself, the highlights for me are “For the Rest to Rest”; “Open Up the Ways”; “Screen Test”; and “Suspend Disbelief”. One of my favorite reviews of it described our sound as being a “unique blend of post-punk, brit-pop, indie, and a little post-rock too.” and said we’re “one of the smartest bands to come out of Brooklyn in a very long time.” This is both why people should listen to it and also why they might not.

Thirdly, one of the things I listened to the most this year was Protomartyr’s Consolation EP, but I’m refraining from listing it as it’s not a full-length. That said, I think it’s as good as nearly anything I’ve heard this year, Protomartyr are the best and both of their live sets I caught were my favorite gigs of 2018. TLDR: Protomartyr = good. Most other things on this list = equally good but not Protomartyr. Let’s get started shall we?

10 Songs That Were Good: 

10) Neko Case & Mark Lanegan - Cures of the I-5 Corridor. How has a Neko Case / Mark Lanegan duet not existed until 2018?? No matter the year, something this gorgeous and heartbreaking is always worthy of making the cut.

9) Lana Del Rey - Mariners Apartment Complex . I remember Spencer Krug tweeting something kind of snarky about “Venice Bitch” a few months back, then deleting it, and damn well he should’ve because both that and “Mariners Apartment Complex” are blinders. “Venice” may be the most low-key epic ever, but the way “Mariners” takes hints of Leonard Cohen and Lee Hazlewood / Nancy Sinatra and places them in a pop context is perhaps even more admirable. It’s truly inspiring to hear mainstream music this nuanced.

8) Parquet Courts - Tenderness . I love the jaunty piano, and how Andrew Savage’s vocal take is simultaneously forceful and lax. But most of all I love how all its elements converge to create a sense of hard-won optimism.

7) Iceage - Thieves Like Us . Iceage do a swamp cabaret song and I just can’t love it enough.  

6) MGMT - Me and Michael . Yes, it’s ridiculously ‘80s, but you would have to be a very dour person to not smile whenever that opening synth riff kicks in.

5) Shame - One Rizla . Riff of the year. Hands down.

4) Bodega - Jack in Titanic . One of the great things about 2018 was witnessing Bodega’s success. To me, they’ve always been one of the few up-and-coming indie bands with the  charisma to be actual stars, and it’s been a joy seeing the rest of the world take note of this. From the moment I heard “Jack in Titanic”, I just knew it was destined to show up on a BBC Radio 6 A-or-B list at some point in the near future (and it did!). And yeah, they’re my good friends, but even if they were strangers I’d appreciate the smartness, melodic hooks, and sexiness all the same:

3) Preoccupations - Disarray . Click on that link because the song is really good, but be warned -- the vocal melody is never, ever going to leave you.

2) Protomartyr - Wheel of Fortune . This song has everything: a nerve-wracking stop and start guitar part, an at-once badass and terrifying refrain, Kelly Deal, and the exact sense of urgency that’s needed right now. Powerful, timely, and a rare example of a song that puts its guest star to highly effective use.

1) Janelle Monae - Make Me Feel . This song combines about five different Prince songs but Janelle Monae’s personality is so strong that the end result is something wholly her own. And if the song weren’t a blast on its own, the technicolor video is almost lethally fun: 

10 Albums That I Loved A Lot: 

10) Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel and Casino . I really loved this album but I’m ranking it as 10 just because it’s the Arctic Monkeys and I can’t believe I enjoyed anything they’ve produced *this* much -- especially a lounge album about a casino on the moon. I find Alex Turner overrated as a lyricist and cosplaying a Bad Seed isn’t endearing to me, but he obviously loves Scott Walker a lot so I guess he gets some sort of pass.

9) Moonface - This One’s of the Dancer and This One’s for the Dancer’s Bouquet . The only reason this isn’t ranked higher is because I haven’t been able to give it the attention it deserves. This is a concept album where some songs are sung from the pov of the Minotaur and others from Spencer Krug, and both these creatures are enigmatic are too enigmatic to be given mere surface reads. This all said, I’ve listened enough to glean that, as always, Spencer’s lyrics are awe-inspiring, the marimba is implemented well, the alternate version of “Heartbreaking Bravery” is excellent, and comparing and contrasting its themes with those found on Wolf Parade’s 2017 release Cry Cry Cry is a fun past time if you’re me or seven other people. Looking forward to delving deeper in 2019.

8) Janelle Monae - Dirty Computer . To be honest, I *was* a little disappointed in this. It’s not as cinematic or stylistically adventurous as Monae’s previous full-lengths, but I think Monae herself is extremely talented and I wish she was a much bigger star. Furthermore, when considered against the drek of the general pop landscape, this is still a bold, unpredictable, and intelligent pop record from a true enigma.

7) Luke Haines - I Sometimes Dream of Glue . Like “Kubla Khan” if it had been written after huffing a river full of glue, but instead of Xanadu it’s an English village full of miniature people having a orgy:

6) Parquet Courts - Wide Awake! . No other song better captures the frustrations and anxieties of living in NY in 2018 than “Almost Had to Start a Fight / In and Out of Patience”, and for that alone this album would make the year-end cut. But it also happens to be brilliant start to finish, with the two closing statements, in the form of “Death Will Bring Change” and “Tenderness” respectively, being among PC’s best.

5) Low - Double Negative .  Mimi Parker’s voice emerging from a sonic cocoon on “Fly” is one of the most gripping moments of Low’s fantastic career. This album challenged me the most in 2018, but it’s also one I frequently returned to, determined to crack its code.

4) Preoccupations - New Material . I suppose some would dismiss this as too trad. post-punk, but holy hell - these trad. post-punk songs have got some hooks! And there isn’t quite another singer like Matt Flegel, who somehow manages to channel Bowie and Mark Lanegan at the same time. I’ve listened to this so much that New Material already feels like a well-loved classic.

3) Gazelle Twin - Pastoral . I would argue that Pastoral is the closest anyone’s come to making something comparable to PJ Harvey’s Let England Shake. An electro-pagan examination of Britain’s heritage and history (and the whole Brexit thing) that manages to feel thorough despite only being 37 minutes long, Pastoral moves beyond being just “a record” and becomes something closer to contemporary art. Elizabeth Bernholz’s vocals, whether warped or unconstrained by processing, are remarkable throughout. A mash-up of folk traditions and modern beats that somehow works shockingly well:

2) Idles - Joy as an Act of Resistance . Boyfriend / bandmate James and I have discussed this album more than any other this year, and it’s been a pleasure hearing his love for it and forming my own appreciation of it in the process. What sealed it for me was James’ description of “Idles” as pagan, and how the band’s use of repetition and simple melodies (as well as their bacchanalian stage presence) created an air of ritualism. In their primalness, they even remind me of The Birthday Party - a “woke” Birthday Party, but a Birthday Party all the same. My favorite musical moment of the year may very well be Joe Talbot’s first shout of “UNITY!” in “Danny Nedelko”, primordial, raw, unpretentious, and completely punk. We *need* these guys right now:

1) Suede - The Blue Hour . There is a joke in the TV show 30 Rock in which Jack Donaghy -- Alec Baldwin’s network head character -- says he attended Harvard Business School, where he was voted “Most”. The Blue Hour could be considered “Most” -- it’s meant to be taken as one piece, it’s insanely grandiose and, like its predecessor Night Thoughts, listening to it makes everything in my life seem 18 times more dramatic and tragic. I don’t know how, but this bizarre mashup of Kate Bush, Jacques Brel, Pink Floyd, Scott Walk, Gregorian chanting, classic Suede, spell books and (of course) David Bowie somehow seems bizarrely in step with 2018. Seeing as this top three consists of albums that are arguably “pagan”, and folk horror’s representation in popular 2018 films like Hereditary, The Blue Hour feels accidentally on trend. It’s crazy to think that a band whose first release happened 25 years ago could still be relevant in 2018, but Suede somehow are so please give these dads a hand and then listen to The Blue Hour’s glorious closing trio of songs a lot, because boy are they “Most”.  

[myforeverforlife]

Sweet Lies (3).

An incessant beeping noise could be heard, waking you up from your slumber. 

Word Count: 4,094

Masterlist

Series masterlist: ( 1 )  ( 2 )  ( 3 )  ( Final )

Eyes opening blearily, you shifted from where you lay, taking in the hospital bedsheets underneath you and the fabric of the nightgown that you wore.

“Y/N,” a voice gasped out in relief. 

You looked up, catching Jongdae’s eye from where he sat across the room from you. He jumped up from his seat and instantly came to stand by your side. “Are you okay? How do you feel?”

You swallowed back the dryness in your throat, giving him a weak smile. “I’m okay. Jongdae... I missed you.”

“I’m here now.” Jongdae pulled a chair over, settling down onto the plush material of the seat before picking up your hand and holding it in one of his own.

“Dae.” You could see your vision getting cloudy, and you tried to wipe away the tears beginning to gather at the edges of your eyes with your free hand. “I was so scared,” you told him, voice almost inaudible as your words fell from your lips in feather-light whispers.

Jongdae’s face fell, and he scooted closer, squeezing your hand in both of his.”I know.”

“I was so worried that I wouldn’t be able to see you all again, and then I remembered that the last time I had seen you, we’d been arguing. I needed you to know that I’m not mad at you, I just miss you and-”

Jongdae hushed you, cutting off your distressed rambling. “Don’t worry about that. I just want you to feel better.”

“Dae, I love you. I didn’t get to tell you earlier because I was so fucking angry, but I love you too.”

His eyes widened at your sudden confession, mouth agape in shock as he fumbled with words, stumbling over his sentences. “Y/N, I-”

You leaned in, eyes closing as you pressed your lips to his cheek, pulling back to gauge his reaction.

You began to feel a sense of dread come over you as Jongdae stared at you unblinkingly, one hand reaching up to touch the place where you had just kissed him. A goofy smile appeared, and you found yourself giving a nervous giggle of relief.

“I love you so much, Dae. I mean, I’m still mad at you for hiding stuff from me, but this past month, I haven’t been the same without you. I know you’re still not going to tell me what this big secret is, but... will you tell me eventually?” 

Jongdae chewed on the inside of his cheek, exhaling deeply from his nose as he thought. “I can’t promise you when, but I will. Someday, I swear.”

You nodded in acknowledgement, a pitiful smile of defeat on your lips. “Okay.” Leaning in once more, you pressed your forehead to his as your eyes slid closed, reveling in the feel of Jongdae next to you.

“Y/N...”

“Hmm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Your eyes shot back open, and you shifted back a bit so that you could look at him head on. You nodded, throat dry as you prepared your next words.

“Kiss me, Dae.”

That was all Jongdae needed, hands reaching up with one cradling the side of your face while the other supported your back. He moved in, closing the distance and pressing his lips against yours in a frenzy. All of the pent up fervor he had been saving for you for so long was finally able to let loose.

You sighed against his mouth, letting him into your own as you wrapped your arms around his neck, hanging onto him loosely. He gave your bottom lip a small nibble, grin spreading on your face when you shivered in delight. You pulled away, needing air and some time to collect yourself.

Jongdae, on the other hand, was still needy. His hands moved to rest on your hips as he pressed light, tender kisses to your neck. To your surprise, you gave an involuntary noise of pleasure, goosebumps forming on your skin at the thrill of his lips on your skin. You could practically feel the smile on his lips as he kissed you, reveling in the fact that he was making you feel this way. 

“Dae...”

He hummed in response, moving to your shoulders and placing kisses there over the fabric of your hospital gown.

“As much as I’m enjoying this, I’d really prefer not to make out in a hospital room.”

At this, Jongdae paused, lifting his head to quirk an eyebrow at you. “Why not?”

“Look at me.” You gestured to your outfit, lifting one of the strings of the hospital gown at your sides and letting it drop back down, watching it with a frown. “This is one of the least attractive outfits to be making out in.”

“I still think that you look beautiful.”

Rolling your eyes, you clucked your tongue skeptically. “Stop being gross, you already won me over a long time ago.”

“But it’s the truth.”

“Ew, please, Dae.”

A sudden tap at the door startled both of you, Jongdae jumping back into his chair and you straightening up, posture stick-straight as you called out for the person to enter.

A doctor came in, Kyungsoo trailing behind. You could see the faces of your other friends waiting outside, faces alight once they caught sight of you before the door closed on them.

Kyungsoo moved past the doctor, coming to stand on the other side of the bed before taking your hand in his. “Did you wake up right now? I told Jongdae to tell me, but the doctor said that you should be waking up soon, so I-”

“Soo, relax, I’m fine. I’ve only been awake for like, five minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk so quickly,” you teased.

“Your brother’s been worried about you,” the doctor chimed in, giving you a gentle smile before looking down at his clipboard. “Thankfully, you’ve only suffered minor physical injuries. We did keep you sedated for a little longer while we ran tests, but everything seems to be fine. Do you feel any pain? Fatigue?”

“Just fatigue. I’m so tired,” you answered, becoming more aware of the heaviness in your legs. “How long have I been asleep for?” 

“About half a day. It’s a good thing that Spiderman brought you here as soon as he could.”

At the mention of your hero’s name, you startled, gaze flickering to the door. “Is he still here? I never got to thank him.”

“He left after dropping you off, but I’m sure that he knows.”

“Still...” you bit your lip in disappointment. “I hope he’s okay.” 

Beside you, Jongdae’s head ducked down, hiding the proud smirk on his face from your eyes and the doctor’s, but not Kyungsoo’s observant ones.

“He’s Spiderman, I’m sure he’s fine,” said Kyungsoo, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand and laughing internally at how Jongdae had reacted to your concern.

“Do you mind if I check your bruises?” the doctor asked. 

You nodded, watching as Kyungsoo moved back to let the doctor through, or Dr. Yoo, as his nametag read. Dr. Yoo lifted the edge of your sleeve up, revealing the purple shadows of fingerprints left on your skin, the bruises wrapping around your arm. You stifled a gasp, horrified by the extent of your injury.

“Does it hurt?” Dr. Yoo asked, worried by your response.

Gathering yourself together, you cleared your throat. “No, I just... I didn’t realize how bad it was.”

“You’re very lucky to have been spared from even more threatening injuries,” the doctor mused as he pressed lightly against skin and nodding to himself when you hissed under your breath at the pressure. 

He also made sure to check your breathing and heart rate, taking note of them on his clipboard before addressing you once more. “You seem to be fine, but I advise icing your bruise once you get home. I can bring you the documents for release if you’re ready. Your brother has already agreed to drive you.”

“Yes, please,” you replied gratefully, anxious to get out of the eerily sterile room and back to the comforts of your home.

“Alright, sit tight. Someone should be back soon to help you. Don’t forget, only two guests at a time!”

With that, Dr. Yoo was out the door, but not before you caught another glimpse of your friends outside, eagerly waiting for you.

“You’re driving me home?” you asked Kyungsoo.

“All you need to focus on right now is resting. I called your boss too, but she said that you’re already technically on leave for a week?” His brow raised in suspicion.

“Yeah, work just got really hectic and I was basically forced to leave,” you told him, sugarcoating the part where your boss and co-workers had been worried for your health. You didn’t want to give your brother and friends any more reason to worry about you. 

“Did you tell Mom and Dad what happened?” you asked suddenly, tone accusatory as you already assumed what the answer would be. 

True to form, Kyungsoo’s face turned a light pink, stammering over his words as he formed a response. “You were in danger, Y/N. Of course I called them,” he said in his own defense.

You groaned, leaning back against the hospital pillow in defeat. “Great, now they’re going to worry their heads off and God knows they’ll keep me at home with them for years until they’re convinced it’s safe for me to live alone again. Are they on their way back right now?”

“No, but they’ll be back next week. I told them not to worry.”

“Of course they’re gonna worry, Soo! I wish you hadn’t told them,” you pouted. 

“Well, if he hadn’t told them, it would probably be worse,” Jongdae added from where he still sat on your other side. “They’re your parents, Y/N. They’re always gonna worry about you.”

“I know,” you gave in. “But I don’t want to give them anything extra to worry about. Plus, I’m fine now. Honestly.”

Both boys looked you over skeptically, Jongdae with a questionable glance while Kyungsoo glared at you stonily. 

“You guys, really, I’m fine.”

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” Kyungsoo asked. “Just so you have company?”

“Don’t you have an art show tomorrow?”

“Yeah, but I’ll be able to make it on time.”

“Soo, I’d rather not risk having you be late to that. You don’t have to stay.”

“Can I stay?”

You glanced back over at Jongdae, his face hopeful as he waited for an answer.

“Aren’t you busy at work tomorrow?” you asked, always aware of Jongdae’s hectic schedule.

“I don’t have to go in until later, I’ll be okay. Unless... you don’t want me to stay over?”

As childhood friends, you and Jongdae had a countless amount of sleepovers at each other’s houses, even sleeping in the same beds as children until the two of you had grown old enough to find it awkward. But now, after having him over and the two of you alone after what had happened earlier, you felt different. Different, but still constantly yearning to be near him.

“No, I do. I want you to stay over with me tonight,” you told him wholeheartedly.

Jongdae’s expression changed to one of reassurance, sighing audibly before flashing you a beaming grin.

“No funny business, you two,” Kyungsoo warned sternly, although more directed towards Jongdae as he gave him a pointed look.

Immediately, you felt your whole face warm up, and you saw the tips of Jongdae’s ears turn red, even though he tried his best to keep his face neutral.

“What? What happened?” Kyungsoo asked, startled by your simultaneous reactions. “What did you do to my sister?”

“I might have kissed him,” you told him, voice coming out in a squeak as you waited for Kyungsoo’s outburst. He had always been protective of you, wary of any guys that approached you and taking on the role of the stereotypical scary brother that your previous boyfriends had been terrified of.

“Might have? You either did or you didn’t,” Kyungsoo argued, looking between you and Jongdae in disbelief.

“Okay, we did, but I made a move first, so don’t get mad at Dae.”

“You kissed my sister?” Kyungsoo’s brows shot up, voice sliding up in pitch as he targeted Jongdae.

“Soo, it’s not a big deal. You better not intimidate him like the others,” you threatened, thinking back to when he had scared off your boyfriend of only three days in eighth grade during lunch time. Kyungsoo had simply taken advantage of his serious, intimidating gaze and shot your boyfriend a couple of warning glances from across the cafeteria.

“I don’t intimidate your boyfriends,” he exclaimed, backtracking once he saw both yours and Jongdae’s doubtful faces. “And anyways, Jongdae’s my friend too. I’m not going to interrogate you or anything,” he addressed Jongdae at the end. 

“Like you did with Yoon Haneul in 9th grade?” Jongdae asked, laughing lightly at the memory.

“You remember that?” you asked in wonder. You had dated Yoon Haneul for about a month before you broke up with him. It didn’t have anything to do with Kyungsoo, the two of you had just lost interest in each other, although Kyungsoo did scare him once.

“Of course I do. Soo made me help him,” Jongdae explained. Kyungsoo had looked for Haneul, dragging Jongdae along with him until they found him at the soccer field for practice. Kyungsoo had asked him if he really knew you, quizzing him on things like your favorite color, your favorite food and so on. Both he and Jongdae felt a small twinge of guilt when they saw how embarrassed he was at not knowing these things about you, but it was overpowered by a sense of protectiveness. Kyungsoo had told you at the time that he didn't think you and Haneul would last long since you barely knew each other. When you firmly denied it, he took it upon himself to prove it.

“Okay, Haneul was different,” Kyungsoo claimed. “You’re my friend though, so I’ll go easy on you.”

“Thanks, I’m honored,” Jongdae joked, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“But if you hurt my sister-”

“I won’t, Soo. I promise.”

The two boys held each other’s gaze, neither one unwavering as they both stared each other down. After a few moments, Kyungsoo looked away, turning towards you instead. “I’m still gonna drive you home though.”

You sighed, shaking your head at his tenacity. “Okay, Soo. Whatever makes you happy.”

“I’m serious. No funny business you two, okay?”

“Yes, yes. Okay, Dad,” you quipped. “Now get me out of here so I can actually rest in peace.”

“Dae, I swear, I’m fine. You don’t have to baby me, it’s not like I broke my leg or something.”

“Still,” he whined, biting on the inside of his cheek as he watched you spit out the remaining toothpaste in your mouth.

Kyungsoo had dropped the two of you off at your apartment, giving Jongdae a final look of warning and once again advising you to stay safe before driving away. Now, you were almost ready for bed. You had set up blankets for Jongdae on the sofa, even though you had told him that it was fine for him to sleep in your bed with you. “If Kyungsoo finds out, that’ll be the end of me,” he had said by way of explanation. At the time, you had laughed at how his fear of Kyungsoo’s possible reactions were keeping him from sleeping in bed with you. But now, you found yourself wishing that he would stay here with you through the night.

You finished rinsing your mouth, wiping your hands and face on the bathroom towel before switching the lightswitch off and pushing Jongdae out of the bathroom. “Dae, I’m serious. Stop babying me.”

“Okay,” he acquiesced, although you noticed a small pout playing at the edges of his lips.

You leaned up quickly, pressing a kiss to his lips before giggling and heading down the hall to your room.

“Mmm, minty,” you heard him call out from behind you.

You burst out into laughter, pushing the covers of your bed back before looking over your shoulder at him. “You’re so weird.”

“I know, that’s my charm,” he joked, coming up behind you and hugging your waist.

This wasn’t new to you, Jongdae had held you like this many times before. But in this current context, especially after what had happened at the hospital, every familiar movement was given a new meaning. You could sense the newfound tenderness in the way his arms held you close to him, the way his body leaned in to slightly curve over yours.

You turned around in his hold, head tilted to one side as you examined his features. “You’re right,” you agreed. “I love your dorkiness.”

“Hey!” His hands shifted in a flash until they were splayed against your sides, tickling you there until you were a giggling, gasping mess.

He watched you fondly, smile becoming more somber as your laughter died down. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Dae. I’m fine. Now let me sleep, I’m tired.”

He lingered over you a moment longer, still holding you protectively before he let go. “Okay. But I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

“Okay. Good night, Dae.”

“Good night.” He pressed a light kiss to your forehead before heading out, stopping by the door. “Do you want it closed?”

“Yes, please,” you answered, crawling into bed and settling down under  the covers. 

“Still scared of monsters?”

“Shut up, Dae.”

He started chuckling quietly to himself, closing the door as he did so. “Good night!”

“G’night!”

The door shut closed with a soft click, the only sound in the room now the hushed noise of cars driving by a couple of streets away.

You yawned loudly, eyes closing as you reveled in the comfortable feeling of your blankets, wrapped around you in a soft cocoon. Despite all of the sleep you had gotten that day, the stress of it all had left you extremely tired.

Faster than you would have thought possible, you found yourself drifting away, sleep pulling you from your surroundings and towards the land of dreams.

You don’t know how much later it was, but you were awoken by a loud, high-pitched scream. What terrified you the most wasn’t the noise, but the fact that you had been the one screaming. You shot up in bed, chest heaving as wheezing gasps escaped from your lungs in frantic breaths.

The door to your bedroom burst open, Jongdae pausing in the doorway with clothes all wrinkled from tossing and turning in sleep before running to your side.

“Y/N? What happened? Are you okay?” His hands found your face, lifting it gently and looking for anything out of place. Something near your eye caught his attention, and he traced a careful trail down your cheek with a finger. “Were you crying?” he asked, horror-struck.

“I-I don’t know,” you hiccuped out. “I just remember falling asleep, and then I saw that man from the museum, and all of a sudden I’m screaming and now-”

“Hey, shh,” Jongdae hushed you, pulling you to his chest, hands rubbing your back comfortingly as he held you close to him. “It’s okay, it was just a dream. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

He pressed his face to the top of your head, lips resting their against the strands of your hair as you held onto him, while you gripped his T-shirt tightly in both of your hands. 

Jongdae didn’t pressure you, but simply let you hold onto him for as long as you needed. The sounds of your gasping breaths seemed to echo in the small space of your bedroom until they gradually began to die down, breathing becoming more regulated.

You gave a last feeble, shuddering sigh, head aching and hands trembling from your nightmare. “Dae?” you spoke, words barely making it out as a whisper.

“Yes?” Jongdae’s voice was equally as hushed, trying to maintain the calm, soothing atmosphere.

“Can you stay with me? I’m scared of being alone right now.”

His eyes softened at your words, moisture pricking at them as he was overcome with guilt. He felt that he should have been at the museum earlier, been there to stop that man from getting his hands on you. “Yeah, of course,” he replied. 

You let him lay you back down gently on the bed, drawing the covers over both of before snuggling closer, arm draped carefully over your body. 

Although you felt more at ease with Jongdae by your side, you still couldn’t let your guard down enough for you to fall back asleep. You stared at a bleach stain on Jongdae’s shirt, lost in thought. “Dae, what if he finds me? That man?”

Jongdae’s arm twitched involuntarily over your figure, and he swallowed back a lump in his throat. “He won’t. He and the Kingpin are locked up where they won’t get to anyone, especially you.”

“But police say that the Kingpin is ruthless, and has connections everywhere. What if he finds me? What if he sends someone to finish the job? What-”

“Hey,” Jongdae’s voice cut you off, stern and firm as you looked up to see him staring at you, gaze burning with conviction. “That’s not happening. I swear, he will never lay a hand on you. You’re going to be safe, Y/N, I promise.”

“How do you know?”

To be quite honest, Jongdae didn’t know. It was a fear he also shared, nightmares consisting of you being taken away and kept in the hands of one of his enemies. But he did know that he would rather die before letting that happen to you. “I’ll protect you.”

To his surprise, you gave him a weak smile, a bit of your usual self returning. “You can’t even kill a spider, Dae. I highly doubt you can take on a person.”

If only you knew. “I’ll do anything, if it means keeping you safe.”

You blinked in awe at the weight of his words. Not once had you ever seen him this serious, yet you knew that he meant every word. Jongdae wasn’t one to mince words, and everything that he said, he truly meant.

“I know, Dae. Thank you.” You pressed closer, head dropping back down to rest against his chest, breathing in and out with the pattern of his own breaths. 

“Go to sleep. I’ll be here.”

Minutes passed, and as much as you desperately wanted to fall asleep to forget about everything that happened, you were still wide awake. You could tell that Jongdae was too, his breathing still uneven and too heavy.

“Dae? Can you sing for me?”

Silence, and then a sudden clearing of his throat. “What do you want me to sing?” he asked, voice rumbling from where you were leaning against him.

“Anything. I just... I need something to distract me.”

You had heard Jongdae sing numerous times over the years, especially when he had joined choir in high school. Every time that he sang, you were taken away by the breadth of his ability, like you were hearing him for the first time. Now was no different. 

“Close your eyes, and listen to what I have to say Before the end of this I’ll be dreaming a dream of you Little star, tonight I’ll watch over you all night. When I first met you, you were dazzling When I first saw your smile, my whole world changed Little star, tonight I’ll watch over you all night. When I hold you in my arms and see you fast asleep I can’t even close my eyes for a second Like this, you’re so pretty It seems like I’ll stop breathing How am I supposed to fall asleep? My love, my everything, an angel sent down from heaven You’ve stolen away my two eyes, my whole world Little star, tonight I’ll watch over you all night. I’ll protect you for all my life.”

As Jongdae finished singing, his voice dying down with his last notes, he glanced down at where you lay fast asleep, mouth parted with every exhale.

He smiled to himself briefly before pulling the covers up over both of you and settling in, arm still draped over your body. As he felt his eyes begin to close and sleep tug at the edges of his mind, his last thoughts were of you.

“I’ll keep you safe, no matter what it takes.”

Series masterlist: ( 1 )  ( 2 )  ( 3 )  ( Final )

A/N: The song Jongdae sings to Y/N is “Little Star” by the K-indie group Standing Egg! Baekhyun’s sung it on V Live broadcasts a couple of times, and it’s so pretty. This chapter seems shorter to me, but I swear the next (and last chapter) will be a bit longer!

@noona-clock @baekfanapleintemps

[retroservos]

Hi hello!! i'm gonna bug you about the ship meme: tycutio?

Hi there!! Do bug me about Tycutio hehe, all jokes aside, you’re not a bother at all. Also, tycutio was also requested by @primaverasims so here you go aswell! Thank you both for requesting! :D

-

General:

Rate the Ship -  

Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - I’d say most of their lives, if not until they die. their relationship is complicated but they’re incredibly close even if they do play-bully each other quite a bit. 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Those weird repressed feelings were kinda there for a really long time. It wasn’t a love at first sight cliche by any means, but there was always something there.

How was their first kiss? - More awkward than you’d think. It happened a while back at Tybalt’s surprise party- courtesy of Hermia- after Mercutio accidentally ruined his party. He felt really bad, like really bad. (More on this if I ever get my ass in gear lol) 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Mercutio. He’s a tricky fella and popped the question at dinner while Tybalt was sipping his wine- typical Capp. Needless to say, Mercutio was drenched in a glorious mix of tears and wine by the end of the night.

Who is the best man/men? - Romeo

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Hermia and Juliette, obviously lol

Who stressed the most? - Tybalt, he wanted everything to be perfect.

How fancy was the ceremony? - I’d say pretty fancy, if a Capp is involved things will obviously be pretty extravagant.

Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - It was almost Romeo, because Tybalt still has big beef with him but of course, he’s Mercutio’s brother so he had to come. Tybalt and Mercutio were finally able to agree on not inviting Cornwall, who’s always been a less than pleasant uncle to Tybalt. 

Sex:

Who is on top? - Mercutio, no questions asked.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Usually Mercutio

How healthy is their sex life? - Pretty healthy. We’re talking about a relationship involving Mercutio fucking Monty, are we not?

Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Hmmm kinky enough to concern anyone in the room over

Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Usually 45 minutes to an hour on average.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Usually, sometimes it’s more one person’s night than the other. 

How rough are they in bed? - Jesus, they’re vulgar and rough.

Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - After that, Tybalt usually falls right asleep (lmao) and Mercutio spoons him a bit. The next mornings are never easy..

No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Maybe 1 or two

How many children will they adopt? - Most likely 1, unless Mercutio someone gives in and wants to end up with more responsibility 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Tybalt

Who is the stricter parent? - Tybalt, but Mercutio can be pretty stern too.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - They both would want their kids to be safe, and not do the dumb shit they both did as kids/teens. 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Tybalt is up at 5, getting everything ready before Mercutio goes in to wake them up. 

Who is the more loved parent? - Mercutio is the cool dad everyone would want, which sometimes bothers Tybalt because he’s not the most responsible even though he’s a good father. 

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? They take turns. 

Who cried the most at graduation? - Mercutio for sure 

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Mercutio just because he’s always been the kind of dude with balls to do a lot of dumb shit, so he can understand rebellious kids. 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Mercutio, his little niche so to speak roots back to the tricks his uncle taught him at the restaurant on weekends. 

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Tybalt is ridiculously picky and it drives Mercutio absolutely batty. 

Who does the grocery shopping? - Tybalt, if he let Mercutio shop their pantries would be filled with junk food. 

How often do they bake desserts? - Mercutio bakes quite often, he’s the one to surprised Tybalt with a nice cake after work just because. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Mercutio doesn’t mind his greens, but prefers junk over the healthy stuff Tybalt eats all the time. 

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Tybalt is the one to take Mercutio out, whereas Mercutio would prefer a little setup in the comfort of their own. 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Tybalt, as I mentioned above hehe

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Mercutio is a big klutz, but does most of the cooking. Tybalt never knows what’ll happen, so he’s got the fire department on speed dial just in case. 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Tybalt

Who is really against chores? - Mercutio will literally lay around and procrastinate until Tybalt does them for him. 

Who cleans up after the pets? - Mercutio, Tybalt is too squeamish to pick up after the pets.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Mercutio, but after cleaning for too long Tybalt would totally be the one to sweep stuff under the rug. 

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Tybalt. He feels like everything needs to be spotless if Capps are coming over.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Mercutio lmao, he’s got a stash of just the money he’s found between the cushions. 

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Tybalt, he’s always got to pamper himself. He’s a high maintenance man. 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Mercutio

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Mercutio is always the one to decorate wayyyy too early. Especially for Halloween. 

What are their goals for the relationship? - To be on the same page and not let their differences tear them apart.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Mercutio. He’s like a bear, he could sleep for a whole day if he wanted to. 

Who plays the most pranks? - Mercutio, but Tybalt’s pranks are super unexpected when he does decide to serve up some payback. 

[katemarley]

Looks like you asked for the same ship, @thegoliathbeetle​ and @salytierra​! ;)

((referring to this))

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs (I have three of them and I did this for all three of them)

How long will they last? - FOREVER! They were married for 195 years (1519-1714), but they never stopped loving each other. They’re back together in the present time, and they have no intention whatsoever of letting go of each other.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I think Spain had a crush on Austria sooner than Austria developed feelings for Spain (or perhaps Austria just realised later he had feelings for Spain), but their love was something that developed over time ... until the two of them were hopelessly in love, never to recover.

How was their first kiss? - Okay, their first kiss was probably the one they were required to exchange at their wedding ceremony, so I imagine it was quick and a bit awkward. Their second (when they were in their chamber) was a bit hesitant at first, but Spain made sure it became sweet and passionate.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Neither. Charles V decided they would marry, and that was that.

Who is the best man/men? - Historically? Bavaria, I suppose.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - The free imperial city of Augsburg because the Fugger family (from Augsburg) was Charles’ major financier

Who did the most planning? - Augsburg. She’d have taken care of most of the organising so people spend her money well. (Yes, I have an Augsburg OC. There’s even a story somewhere out there (on fanfiktion.de), but it’s in German.)

Who stressed the most? - Austria (do you even need to ask? xD)

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. (It didn’t quite have the scope of a royal wedding, but it definitely was prestigious.)

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - FRANCE. The major rival/enemy of the both of them.

Sex:

Who is on top? - They’re versatile (though I imagine Spain would top more often because Austria is a bit lazy and loves to be spoiled by his beautiful husband).

Who is the one to instigate things? - Spain, most of the time, but it’s a pleasant surprise for him when Austria does so for a change.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (...and that’s Spain’s doing, and due to the fact Austria doesn’t even try to ever say no.)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head (One year ago, I’d have rated them a lot lower, but ... well. Austria would most likely deny he’s kinky at all, but Spain can suggest whatever he wants and Austria would go along because it’s Spain and because he loves him to bits... Ah yes, and because he usually finds he does like it. Whatever “it” is.)

How long do they normally last? - That depends on how long it’s been since they last had sex and on their position(s).

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Yes.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. (Sometimes soft; sometimes rougher.)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. (They kiss and hold hands in public. In private, they snuggle and cuddle a lot.)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 0. They’re both a) countries and b) men; they can’t have children naturally.

How many children will they adopt? - I guess you can count at least HRE and Chibitalia (Austria’s custody) as well as Chibi Romano (Spain’s custody).

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? -Spain.

Who is the stricter parent? - Austria.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Austria.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Both will think of that. Food is important to the both of them!

Who is the more loved parent? - Depends on the child. For Chibi Romano, it’s Spain; for Chibitalia and HRE, it’s Austria.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - They’d take turns.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Spain.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Both would do that, but I think Spain would be faster in doing so.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Both love cooking, so they’d either take turns or, preferably, cook together.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - I guess the both of them are picky in the sense that they have clear ideas of what decent food is supposed to look, smell, and, most importantly, taste like.

Who does the grocery shopping? - They’d either take turns or go together.

How often do they bake desserts? - Quite frequently, but it’s mostly Austria who does that. He’s the one who loves baking more.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? -Meat lovers who also love salad.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Difficult to answer because both would do that. Depends on who invites whom, I suppose.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Spain. He’s the more outgoing one of the two.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Spain, if he wants to do ten things at the same time and forgets the stove is still at maximum xD

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Uhhh ... the servants in former times; Prussia nowadays lol.

Who is really against chores? - Neither of them does exactly like doing household chores.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Austria, because he does like having his house clean in the end. Even if he doesn’t like doing household chores.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Spain, I guess xD

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Austria.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Also Austria.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Austria.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Spain would but I don’t think they’d have a dog.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They’d decorate for the Christmas season and for Easter, I suppose, but not that much more.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Make it last forever this time. And value it even more because they were once separated by fate.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - I suppose the both of them would do that if given the opportunity.

Who plays the most pranks? - Spain, I think, but Austria retaliates with witticisms.

[stephanidftba]

BTS of my Entim'ara fic:

(fic at https://archiveofourown.org/works/21487177)

CH 1

“Well, my little brother Norvo’s in prison for murder.” Ezri stopped as Kira put her head in her hands.

“Your past life and your little brother?”

“You mean Joran? Yeah. I think having his memories is part of why I was able to handle it so well when Norvo was arrested.” Ezri nodded.

- Ezri has to deal with a surprising amount of murder 

"Our father left when we were little, Mother ran him off I guess." Ezri listed.

- Where’s Ezri’s dad? He went back to Space Canada after teaching Ezri how to say ‘sorry’. 

CH 2 

"Entim'ara. Togetherness festival." Ezri explained. "It takes place over 3 days. It’s a celebration of romance, family, friends... Joined Trill don't really celebrate since it can be a reminder of all the loved ones past hosts have lost…”  

"So you just psychoanalyze your mother?" Kira asked. 

"Yup." Ezri nodded. "Not to her face, of course, she doesn't like me using my training on family, but it helps to know what you're getting into."

- These concepts lifted from the Ezri-suggestion blog (<3) 

"You really enjoy being the tall one, now." Ezri accused with a grin. 

- I love how short Ezri is, especially compared to Kira and Jadzia. 

Part of her brain kept insisting she'd feel better if she pushed her forehead against something, but it wasn't working. She suspected her brain was actually seeking a cool surface and the signal was getting jumbled.

- My brain does this when nauseous and it’s so weird and annoying 

"What in the pools could a counselor be busy with?"

- I really like taking english phrases and twisting them for aliens 

Kira stood up and held her close, tucked Ezri's head down to rest on Kira's shoulder. Their faces were blocked from the viewscreen. 

- These sentences took me so long to get close to right (I’m still not entirely happy with them). Everything I tried felt wrong, impersonally descriptive, kind of like passive voice, when what I wanted to show was Kira hiding Ezri from Yanas’ view on purpose so they could whisper to each other. 

CH 3

“This must be your girlfriend that I’ve heard nothing about.”

- This guilt-tripping twist on ‘This must be X that I’ve heard so much about.’ still makes me chuckle. 

“Kira, would you prefer to stay in the guest room or Ezri’s room?” Her mother asked… "I assume that's something from Dax…” 

Yanas is very pointedly using Kira’s family name and the name of the symbiont here, saying ‘I can be nice and use the names you want me to’. 

the handful of model spaceships slowly making their way around the ceiling

- Taken from a planned but unfilmed detail from Prodigal Daughter 

"4pm. Can you make it until dinner?" He replied.

"I think so."

"1700?" Kira clarified. Ezri shook her head.

"New Sydney's on a 24 hour system, it's about 1530 Bajoran time."

"We probably will be a bit starlagged, it’s close to 2100 on the station." Kira nodded.

- I made a conversion chart between 24 and 26 hour days because time math is already hard, and I kept almost having people leave work at 1700 

“Because Joining is so important to most Trill, toy symbionts are used to explain the concept to children, as long as they're big enough to not fit into a child's pouch."

- Even though Ezri probably grew up away from the planet Trill, she’s still a Trill, and would learn about her body as kids do. And since many kids stick stuff up their nose, I imagine Trill kids would try and stick stuff in their pouch, especially when adults explain that maybe they might have a symbiont in there when they grow up. 

“Ezri, have you heard from Brinner?” Her mother asked. 

- Ezri’s mother is uncomfortable with the conversation (Ezri dating the second in command of the station), so she retaliates and asks about something that will probably make Ezri uncomfortable. 

“After what he- you’re the one who pressured him into- him and Janel-!” Ezri threw her napkin down and started pacing behind her chair, her thoughts coming too fast to even get out properly. 

- These are happening at the same time, I don’t know how to properly convey that. 

“We were the only Trill on the Destiny, and were informed that if Dax's condition worsened, sy would have to be joined. We both planned for it to be Brinner. Turns out he was a Changeling, though. Completely screwed up his chances of getting Joined when he attacked me." Ezri took a deep breath and Kira squeezed her hand. "Apparently wanted to make certain he’d get Dax. I passed out. When I came to, they told me that the Changeling was dead, but he'd hurt both the real Brinner Finok and Dax. Sy needed to be joined and I was the only one available."

- Taken from what I remember of Ezri’s story in Lives of Dax. 

“I’ve co-slept before. You can’t be worse than a twitchy resistance fighter, or a 7 year old.” 

- Because you can’t convince me little Molly O’Brien never had a bad dream and crawled in bed with her Aunt Nerys. (I’m bad at math but I think Molly would be 7 when Kira’s pregnant with Yoshi.) 

CH 4

Ezri unwrapped her present to find a small bedside mirror with her name printed on it. 

- I know there’s a fic (rated M or E I think) where Ezri has a picture of herself beside her bed to remind her who she is when she wakes up, and it backfires. This idea is adapted from that. 

“I know you sometimes have trouble with Dax in the mornings, I hope it helps.”

“Thank you, Mother, I’m sure it will be useful.” Ezri smiled. At least her mother was trying to help with her struggles...

“Happy Entim’ara, Ez.” He passed her a model spaceship kit, the Defiant. She hadn’t built models in years, she had no need to anymore. But he’d tried to get her something she’d like. 

- When someone gets you presents that you have no interest in because they don’t really know you so they just get things based on the little that they know about you. And you don’t like the present but you don’t want to seem ungrateful so you just go along with it (even though this encourages the bad gifts). 

“You being home is present enough.” He smiled.

- I’M REWRITING THAT FOLGERS COMMERCIAL  

Though she was taking the opportunity to glimpse the ridges on Kira's forearms and calves close-up. She knew they were more prominent when bones and cartilage were near the skin. 

- I like thinking about alien anatomy far too much for someone who doesn’t really know how human anatomy works. 

"You're perfectly safe. Tobin wasn't your fault. We're not going above impulse." Kira murmured. Torias had been the one who died in a shuttle craft, but Ezri knew it was hard for others to keep all of Dax's hosts straight. She sometimes had trouble with it, and she remembered being them all. 

- This line brought to you by ‘I mixed up Tobin and Torias and rationalized that Dax’s friends would probably not remember all the previous hosts perfectly’. 

“because of the secret of Joran and how confused Joining made me, and how few ties I have to Trill, I'm worried the Symbiosis Commission is keeping an eye on me to keep the secret, especially when I call you.”

- Ezri “says goodnight to the FBI agent assigned to watch her” Dax 

"Ez? We landed." Kira wiggled her shoulder. 

"I fell asleep?" She muttered, sitting up...

Eventually Kira woke her (she hadn’t intended to fall asleep) and they went to fall asleep properly in Ezri’s bed. 

- Ezri feels safe and relaxed in Kira’s arms 

CH 5 

This chapter exists because I realized in shortening their trip to and from DS9, I’d accidentally written a 5 day week. 

They entered the gravity acclimatization chamber

- The gravity acclimatization chamber is a little room with its own gravity plating that tilts you from the normal gravity of your ship to the tilted gravity of the station 

“Maybe we can try to sneak onto a blue hill.” 

- Kira “takes a sled down a black diamond run to prove Ezri’s mom wrong” Nerys 

“She told me that when you get upset, you can say really cruel things.” 

- See: Ezri talking to her mom in Prodigal Daughter, Ezri and Worf when they crash land and get taken prisoner by the Dominion. 

“it’s late, people say stuff at night that they wouldn’t say if they were fully awake.” 

- I read somewhere that there’s a scientific reason for this but I can’t find it. 

CH 6 

"It's okay," Kira murmured, rubbing her back, "you're safe now." ... “You can let it out, you’re safe.” 

- Don’t imagine Kira’s dad comforting her like this when she’s little, or Kira during the Occupation comforting other kids by assuring them it’s safe to show emotion, that there’s no Cardassians around. 

CH 7

I’m still debating taking out the early stopping points here. People are going to read to the end, so having multiple ‘the end’s seems weird. But I wrote all 3 intending for it to be ‘the end’ then came back to add more, so all 3 work as ‘the end’. 

[szopenhauer]

Does your current shampoo has a specific scent? it smells like nettle

Have you had a headache at any point recently? yes

When was the last time you took painkillers? months if not years ago

Has there recently been a thunderstorm where you live? yup

Do you recall the last time you saw a spider anywhere in your house? I see one now *shrug*

Are you afraid of spiders, or do they not really bother you? as you can guess they don’t bother me 

Is there a beverage that you drink more often than anything else? water

Do you enjoy any films with Nicole Kidman in them? nah

In the last 7 days, have you worn make-up? noooo

How long have you been sober? my whole life besides this one time I was drinking absynth with John but I didn’t get drunk 

Do you think you are an argumentative person? maybe

How’s your heart lately? physically or emotionally?

Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? -

Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else? to reject someone because it’s your decision to make (it can be wrong) and you’re hurting somebody with it, every strategy to do so feels bad

What is the best thing about your current job? no job!

Have you been on a date in the park? sure

Do you like pulp orange juice? I hate pulp

Do you prefer the tanning bed or the sun? sun

Were you single on your last birthday? I’m always single on my birthday

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? ugh... many things

Do you hate the last person you kissed? I don’t hate her

Where is the last person you kissed? shopping

Who was last to cook for you? parents

Who is the last person that texted you? my gf

What are you going to do next? play Choices, finally!

Will you regret your next kiss? hope not :o

Who was the last person you gave the finger to? not sure who was last nor if it was serious or playful

Are you the oldest? youngest

Do you know the difference between a vegan and a vegetarian? of course and I like vegetarians but hate vegans

Would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in her house? chill

Do you enjoy long car rides? if there are stops to pee and stretch legs

Do you own a laptop? I wish

have you ever slept​ on the floor​?​ yep do you still​ talk to the perso​n you fell the harde​st for? even currently lol who is your last text from?​ her :P ​what color​ shirt​ were you weari​ng when you had your last kiss?​ mostly white

would​ you kiss the last perso​n you kisse​d again​?​ obvi have you ever slept​ in the same bed with the last perso​n you kisse​d?​ layed only is there​ someo​ne who you can spend​ every​ minut​e with and be happy​?​ I need some time alone! are you keepi​ng a secre​t right​ now? nah was it a boy or a girl to text you first​ today​?​ girl last time you saw firew​orks?​ New year’s eve  three​ days in a hotel​ or nfl game ticke​ts?​ hotel would​ you rathe​r watch​ footb​all or baseb​all?​ I’d rather not  how do you calm down when you'​re extre​mely angry​?​ depends are your frien​ds with any of your ex boyfr​iends​/​girlf​riend​s?​ because she’s my gf again, elseway I wouldn’t be able to somet​hing you just don'​t under​stand​?​ stupidity what was your worst​ mista​ke in your life?​ just one? can’t choose have you ever kisse​d someo​ne whose​ name start​ed with the lette​r e? nope who was the last perso​n of the oppos​ite sex you had a conve​rsati​on with?​ dad have you ever worn the oppos​ite sex'​s cloth​ing?​ I own some stuff that were bought in male section of stores is the last perso​n you hugge​d older​ than you? they’re my parent so... do you like to make the first​ move?​ might have you ever laugh​ed so hard you cried​? especially this year thx to Gosia will you be up befor​e 7 am tomor​row?​ I wanna sleep in 

have you ever used a belt bag/fanny pack? hated those but thrifted one last month to carry my meds in it and it’s cute - 80s themed and all

are you the one who usually breaks up with your significant other or is it them that do the breaking up? I do the breaking up  where did you go the last time you rode on a train? Ełk is your wardrobe color coordinated? pfft when was the last time you wore something with polka dots on it? the only thing like this that I own is probably my red leggings  what is your favorite animal print? not a fan but don’t mind in small amount? is there a song in which you prefer the acoustic version as opposed to the original? don’t think so have you ever been in an on-and-off relationship? sorta did the last shirt you wore have buttons on it? noooo are you friends with any of your significant other’s exes? funny thing is I was friends with my almost gf’s lover who told me about her lying do you and your best friend share the same favorite color? me and my gf both like black and my dad likes yellow which of your parents is older, your mother or father? mom

where is your favorite place to buy hoodies? second hands would you rather have an analog clock or a digital clock? digital, I can’t read analog :x

if you lived in bikini bottom, would you go jellyfishing with spongebob and patrick?  why not? what kind of shaving cream do you use? I shave without cream if an unknown number calls you and says, “who is this?” what do you say? why are you calling someone you don’t know? what’s the most you would pay for earrings? I don’t use those so... unless it was going to be a gift then dunno if you could be a guest star on the office or house, which would you choose? The office 

what would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person who texted you? ;) do you want a relationship? I’m in one

if you were 12 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed? omg I imagined it now and that’s sooo sad :( do you know your mothers birthday? I forget the days but I know my parents’ months, I suck at dates do you like texting? mhm who was your first text this morning? my gf  are you starting to realize anything? sigh... can you remember the last time you really liked someone? this summer is your hair longer than your shoulders? no would you run down the street naked if it meant earning $15,000? probably do you have any text messages that you don’t want other people reading? absolutely can you live a day without tv? I don’t watch tv for months  do you really know how heartbreak feels? I know could you forgive someone who slept with your boyfriend/ girlfriend? what about forgiving my gf first?... who was the last person to touch your stomach? besides me? my gf 

how does it make you feel looking at pics with your ex and someone else? weird why are you doing this survey and not something else? because!

do you get really annoyed at sex questions? might, depends did you ever join a gym to look hot and get back at an ex bf/gf? what a lame reason if you’re not in college, why? several reasons

be honest. you love the beatles, don’t you? I don’t care for them do you own a studded belt? used to how many pairs of shoes do you own? *shrug* do you watch spongebob? at times what high school did you go to? it’s personal do you like surveys? very

you are chosen to have lunch with the president. the condition is you only get to ask one question. what do you ask? I wouldn’t go what do you think captain hook’s name was before he had a hook for a hand? captain hand[s]

rock, paper, or scissors? hmm... how long was it from ‘the first date’ until the proposal of marriage? how long until the wedding? I’m not married nor even really engaged which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet? too loud is worse everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. what topic can put you to sleep quicker than any other? I’m more annoyed than bored with specific subjects  how many times did it take you to pass your drivers test? I haven’t taken it if you had to have the same topping on your vanilla ice cream for the rest of your life, what topping would you choose? no topping you are offered an envelope that you know contains $50. you are then told that you may either keep it or exchange it for another envelope that may contain $500 or may be empty. do you keep the first envelope, or do you take your chances with the second? take a chance and lose if you had to choose, which would you give up: cable tv, or dsl/cable internet? tv - easy what kind of lunch box did you have as a kid? I remember that it had Pooh on it but then I had a transparent plain one  what would you rather have, a nanny, a housekeeper, a cook, or a chauffeur? cook of chauffeur would you rather be trapped in an elevator, or stuck in traffic? traffic, less dangerous lets say a brick fell on your foot, and your kid is standing right next to you, what is your ‘cleaned up’ swear word? I wouldn’t care about them hearing me swear, honestly

ever been torn between 2 people? not in love, just friends/family issues do you think a lot of people think bad things about you? I know they do because they heard lies about me

ever liked someone who was in a relationship? I didn’t know that they were do you wear shoes in your house or take them off? slippers  you love math, right? umm... when you watch movies at home, do you like the lights on or off? on or dimmed did you cry today? not so far which is unusual do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace? I do have to  will tomorrow be better than today? hope so do you find smoking attractive? nah

can you honestly say you’re okay right now? nope do you tend to waste a lot of money? not a lot  are you asian? not even partially whose hoodie did you wear last? mine has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? ugh... are you satisfied with what you currently have in life? I’m sorry but I’m not  you go home with a hickey, what does your mother say? oh God... are you currently talking to/​​​​​​​​​​​texting/​​​​​​​​​​​instant messaging anyone? I am have you ever liked someone older than you? not much older have you held hands with anyone lately? yep where is your phone? in front of me as always

do you like polaroid photography? yup

is there a friend of yours who curses nonstop? who would that be? my gf says CHUJ a lot

don’t you hate when you put lyrics as a status and everyone comments it asking what it means / why it’s your status? no one comments  what do you usually do to let your feelings out? post on tumblr, talk, cry, listen to music, write letters, play games, go for a walk... do you think boys notice things more than girls? or vice versa? it has nothing to do with gender are you participating in project 365 (you take a picture of you/something everyday of the year and post it)? nah do you have a flickr? if so, post the link. I don’t post anything there, not actually even going there anymore like with instagram am i the only one who would go to the ends of the earth to see their favorite band perform? I’m definitely not that kind of person, sorry to inform you do you think it’s dumb when a band smashes their instruments, or do you find it totally radical? dumb do you feel like you need some inspiration, or are you totally inspired right now? I lack motivation, not inspiration

[thesinglesjukebox]

KESHA FT. BIG FREEDIA - RAISING HELL

[6.38]

Kesha with Big Freedia Energy

Leah Isobel: Kesha has been saddled with one of the heaviest narratives of 2010s pop music, which combines uneasily with her career-long interest in more grounded country and rock signifiers. Now when she works with those impulses, as she did on Rainbow, the effect is one of refutation; Animal becomes an outlier that she made against her will, one that doesn't represent the Real Kesha. To work her way back to the party music that made her reputation, she has to adapt it to the new narrative frame that surrounds everything she does. If she's having fun, she's having fun in spite of what she experienced; partying is no longer an end into itself, but an escape from something else. Hence, "Raising Hell" deploys one of the hackiest pop tropes - gospel choirs used as a shortcut for sincere emotion - married to a pretty decent Big Freedia drop. It's not awful, but I miss the actual, honest-to-god trashiness that she made her stock in trade. In 2019, I guess I'm the only one. [6]

Thomas Inskeep: Finally, an uptempo Kesha record that a) isn't touched by the evil Dr. Luke, and b) doesn't sound like the result of a three-day vodka-and-Red Bull bender, and c) is actually fun. I'm not a fan of the EDM horns in the chorus, but apart from those, this works. I'm a bigger fan of Big Freedia in theory than practice, and accordingly prefer her in small doses; she's quite effective here as a kind of DJ Khaled-esque hype-person. And Kesha sounds free and happy, which makes me happy. [7]

Kayla Beardslee: I'm glad Kesha got her balls back and all, but I'm not enthused that that means a return to honking 2012 pop-drops. I will admit, though -- the combined Kesha/Freedia "drop it down low" hook grows on me with every listen. The rest of the song is fine: it invites singing along and is fun in a hedonistic Ke$ha way, but it's also very, very noisy (lots of erratic shouts and claps in the background that, to me, lean more messy than energetic). My favorite part is the final chorus ("Can I get an amen"), which is a pleasantly melodic contrast to the rest of the track, a close second being the thrilling "aaugh!" Kesha does right before the second chorus. [6]

Alex Clifton: High Road appears to take the party-all-day spirit from Kesha's earlier work but mixed with the rawer, more down-to-earth material from Rainbow. In theory this is a dream come true, and there's so much about "Raising Hell" that makes it a joy to experience. The post-chorus is godawful, though. Tonally it doesn't fit and stalls the song from its natural flow. I'm also longing for the day that Big Freedia gets the feature she deserves: her appearance is mostly limited to drop-it-drop-it-drop-it-drop-it which is delivered well but also literally one-note. Kesha's trying to have it all ways she can--country and gospel and dance and bounce--which, as someone who likes a good genreproof song, I really respect. Unfortunately the whole package doesn't come together as fully as it could. [6]

Stephen Eisermann: "The best possible Andy Grammer single" is not what Kesha and Big Freedia should be collaborating on. This is a waste of time and talent and no amount of conviction from either participant can convince me otherwise. [4]

Alfred Soto: This sounds sacrilegious: instead of defiling a religion, it defiles my idea of Kesha. After proving herself up to thumbing her nose at any genre she experimented with, she acquiesces to gospel cliches. She's earned the right to want salvation in them, lord knows, but she needn't sound as if Julia Michaels was her pastor. [4]

Josh Buck: How do you have a hook like "I don't wanna go to heaven without raising hell" and video centered around prosperity gospel preachers and NOT make it a country song?? At this point, Kesha has proven that she can tackle a variety of genres, but this bounce effort just feels scattered instead of celebratory. I realize this a loaded statement and not at all meant to be a defense or endorsement of the man, but judging by Kim Petras' endless recent string of bangers, Dr. Luke may have been an irreplaceable ingredient in Kesha's more crowd pleasing, debauched pop efforts. In recent years, she's sound much stronger on her Struts and Eagles of Death Metal rock cuts, and i'd love to see her spend more time in that arena. This one reminds me a bit of the final album by The Donnas in terms of we-might-be-too-old-for-this vibes. [3]

Katherine St Asaph: The narrative, inevitable and damning, around Kesha was that in severing her ties to Dr. Luke, she lost her source of a signature sound. Rainbow, with its grabs at musical styles and Kesha's required-for-optics but personality-dampening show of penitence, didn't do much to dislodge it. Which is why "Raising Hell" is such a triumph: it's evidence that she was the source of her signature sound. The song feels massive; if sound alone determines a hit, this would be No. 1 everywhere. The hook is recognizably hers: a melody that's kin to "We R Who We R" and also to hymns. The drops r what they r; the interpolations are canny and nostalgia: an interlude of "My Neck, My Back" filtered through "Hollaback Girl," an interlude of preaching filtered through Prince. Freedia is incapable of sounding like she's phoning it in even when she is (I'm sure she'll do a lot of that in the next few years), and unlike Iggy Pop or the Eagles of Death Metal, she's an actually exciting guest pick, rather than one mostly exciting on paper to boomers. And throughout, Kesha recaptures the anarchic glee that made her career. [8]

Jonathan Bogart: Maybe it was my naïveté in 2010 that made her sound so recklessly out of step with the rest of pop; but her post-Luke music, however much better it has been for her soul, still sounds faintly like capitulation. The secular-gospel structure and chantalong melody followed by jump around breakdowns sound like every pseudo-celebration on the market: the saving grace is Freedia's booming authoritativeness (surely the angel Gabriel, when he tells the roll up yonder to drop it down low, sounds like her) and Kesha's impish use of language, dancing on the borders between sacrilege and piety, hooks it up to the great stream of American song, where there is no Sunday morning without a Saturday night. [8]

Kylo Nocom: Of all things, this reminds me of Vacation Bible School theme songs and the "Cheerleader" remix. I have scored this accordingly. [7]

Michael Hong: The bombast of early 2010s Ke$ha meets the soulful Kesha of Rainbow racing down that same road to self-empowerment. Ke$ha's talk-singing, a choir that makes a line like "bitch, I'm blessed" all the more enjoyable, drops mixed with the gospel influences, and Big Freedia's bounce make for a hell of a maximalist fantasy. [7]

Jackie Powell: When "Raising Hell" begins, it fools the listener. When the piano chords and Kesha's introductory vocalization grace my ears during the song's first five seconds, I'm convinced that a power ballad or at best a mid-tempo track is in store. But Kesha quickly changes direction. An explosion of camp from collaborator Big Freedia, a blaring saxophone in the chorus, the return of talk-singing in the verses and an epic build in the pre-chorus: it sounds very familiar. That's what Kesha wants. She wants us to feel like we are once again at a 21-century hoedown. (But without Pitbull this time.) On this track, Kesha proves that both she and her fans can be "animals" while simultaneously being people with "fantastic souls", which might have been something missing from the pre-Rainbow eras. Here, however, Kesha desires fun and a rebellion that are a rejection of evil behavior and suffocating authority figures. She's not just sticking it to the man without a purpose. That's the difference between Kesha of 2019 and Ke$ha of 2009. "Kesha got her balls back and they're bigger than ever," she said in the album trailer for High Road. But I don't agree with that. She's had them since her inception. Her evolution has been honest, which is something that not all artists can say. [7]

Isabel Cole: MY! GIRL! Having proven herself an actual musician to every idiot man in the country, Kesha (perhaps sick of being so serious) gleefully returns to her favorite stomping ground of, well, glee. Raising Hell makes text what has always been the implicit mission of the Kesha project: a commitment to the fundamental sacredness of joy. It's hard to imagine a more succinct encapsulation of her ethos than "I'm all fucked up in my Sunday best / no walk of shame cuz I love this dress": it's not that she takes no pleasure in the transgression of elevating ass-shaking to the level of the divine, but it's a gentle mischief born of the deep belief in the holiness of enjoying our corporeal gifts while we still can. Feeling good is a form of worship, and a killer beat is no less legitimate an access point than a hymn. When she combines markers of religiosity with artifacts of base delights (my favorite is "Solo cup full of holy spirits," although I also adore the the vulgarity of "bounce it up and down where the good Lord split it"), the point is not to revel in contradiction but to toast to the fact that there is no contradiction; and when she opens her scope in the coda, dedicating her preaching or perhaps this round of shots to the misfits of creation, there's a (frankly Piscean) generosity to it. Also, (1) it slaps (2) biiiiiiiiiiiiiitch I'm blessed (3) her voice sounds just wonderful, as dextrous with an implicit smirk as ever and with a thrilling power on the places she gets to soar; I love the bit of grit we get in the chorus, like she's singing this after a night out (4) it FUCKING slaps (5) "I'm still here still, still bringing it to ya": ten years since TiK ToK this month, and the party still don't start till she walks in. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]