#if this ends up on the dash of someone who knows me through work irl PLEASE do not deep dive on my blog it is also my personal space

[pommunist]

I do wonder a little if the very different reactions to Pomme and Dapper's beds being included in the stream might in part be like... a difference in people used to seeing a new admin play an egg? The situations are very different and that should be acknowledged and looked at and even if as is likely the case QStudios owns all rights to the NPCs created for QSMP it would feel extremely icky to me to give Pomme especially a new admin. But at the same time... I do wonder if people more used to say, Chayanne, who has had 2 different main admins and been played by 4 or 5 different admins regularly enough the different forms have nicknames are more... accepting of the idea? Because the idea of an egg belonging only to the one actor is less comprehensible to them, as it's not what they're used to? Ramón's situation might be closer, but again 2 admins at least. Im almost certain I've seen Tallulah played by someone else when her admin was sick, and I've no doubt some of the other eggs have occassionally been played by others due to admin illness even if not long term.

(This is not to say it's main the issue (even without eggs being acted Sunny's admin should have known what was happening just for bigger issues with the stream alone - admin health and treatment is far more important than what they provide) I'm just. Trying to think of reasons why reactions I saw were as polarised as they were, with half my dash treating it like parading a corpse in the street and the other half like this was entirely expected and normal.)

Oh that’s a good question anon !!

First, the ownership of the characters is a tricky point that I don’t have an answer to as intellectual property laws are extremely complicated and not something I know much about tbh.

And on the topic of admin change, I think public reception depends a lot of the cause of said change : For example, when Ramon switched admins, huevitos were perfectly fine with it as it was assumed that the OG had taken a break for studying purposes so it was not a problem (turns out they were fired 🥲). It’s the same whenever an admin steps up to punctually or long term play another character because their admin is too busy with irl stuff, other work within Qstudios, is sick…. (like what I assume happened for Chayanne)

Pomme’s situation is different because of Lumi’s circumstances and the fact that she asked for her character to end with her leaving. Plus the fact that CCs have said before that they didnt want her to be replaced, even before that whole situation, I remember at least Antoine saying he would rather have Pomme dead than be played by someone else. I’d say the french speaking side got quite attached to her as, with all the sidelining we went through, both her character and admin were our only beacon of representation within Qstudios/QSMP 🥹

Also something that makes me kinda ehhhh about saying that there are people who are completely fine with admins changes because their fav character went through at least one is remembering the whole Pepito/otipep mess that had people go mad because Pepito had an admin change for a few days and they didn’t like the "new personnality" or whatever ? (Couldn’t tell the details of it as my spanish suck and Roier often streams in the middle of the night for me, but I remember the twitter shit storm)

Finally about the eggs being like kidnapped and in a coma (I think ? didn’t watch the stream) I guess it’s an okay way to put them on hold while sorting things out + an opportunity to explain in lore if you have to kill some because no more admins ? Or at least it would have been okay if all the eggs admins still working would have been made aware that their characters was being put on hold 😀

[moltengoldveins]

I had a dream last night that I was sitting in a pottery shop, watching a woman who looked something faintly like a young happy version of my aunt (a smoker irl, who I wouldn’t trust with keys. Her highscool photos look just like me) bustle about a paint-your-own-pottery store she’d just opened. I can’t remember what she did, but something happened and set off a customer, a middle-aged man in a white tank shirt, balding, with a patchy beard. His girlfriend was with him, blonde with dark eyeshadow. I think she’d dragged him there to pay for her pots. He started screaming at my aunt, smashing things, roaring about how it “wasn’t fair.” I think it had something to do with her, with her owning the store snd having the right to choose to give things away if she pleased. And I remember, without the terror that comes with being real, and female, and young, I walked up to him and asked him why he thought things needed to be fair. Why he thought the world owed him ‘fairness,’ what he meant by that. I can’t remember exactly how the conversation went: my dreams are vivid, but they usually fade on contact with reality like cotton candy in water. But I remember the sound of the man choking, crying, breaking down and bitterly spitting with grief as I explained to him that no, the world does not ‘owe’ you fairness. It does not owe you anything. Life is a gift, no matter where you start out or what you suffer through. You are judged by your responses to your unfair circumstances, not your end result, and your attitude towards others who have it worse or better than you. That’s why human judgement is inherently flawed: we can’t know what unfairness someone started out with. You can work to improve your circumstances and the circumstances of those around you, but tearing someone else down to build yourself up in the name of ‘fairness’ is unacceptable.

I remember feeling like I was talking to my little sister, in that I couldn’t help but love him, against all reason. I’ve worked my siblings through a lot of hard topics like that, so that sensation wasn’t too out of left field, but it was weird to feel the same way about a white balding man in his thirties. I remember his girlfriend said nothing, but over time, she slowly shifted away from him until she was beside me, just… watching him cry. She seemed more embarrassed at his crying than his yelling at my aunt. I don’t think I liked his girlfriend much. But she wasn’t the issue I was addressing in that situation, so I didn’t say anything.

I woke up later, after the dream moved on and the man walked away. My social media feed was full of dash footage of Karens today, vandalizing peoples cars and yelling at them in grocery store parking lots, and I’m still thinking about the look on that man’s face when I told him he’d mistaken fairness for justice, that he’d built his identity around a debt the universe didn’t owe him. I’ve got no idea what to do with that.

[astrobei]

Hello Suni astrobei. For end of year asks, I ask you 2 and 12

hi abby strangeswift !! ok so i got a couple asks for 2 so i’m going to answer that one elsewhere so i can focus my full attention on Gushing !

12. talk about a new friend you made this year

ok i’m about to get seriously so sappy so if you don’t feel like reading through all this feel free to Leave (no hard feelings LOL)

i’m someone who has a pretty small social circle irl so i never thought i’d meet so many wonderful ppl this year, and definitely not online and definitely not because i started writing fanfiction again LOL like if u told january suni this she’d look at u like 👁👁 on a more serious note though this year was insane for me. so much changed really quickly in my life and i’m so beyond grateful that amidst all the chaos i was led to all of u guys ! literally if we’ve had even one conversation on here there’s a very high chance i’ve referred to u as a friend irl so. do with that what u will.

abby and ella (@elekinetic) and sierra (@finalgirlbyers) i want u guys to know that i treasure u all So Much. like even if our convos are sporadic or if we talk exclusively through asks ur presence on my dash brings me so much joy and i look forward to each post u make and each message and each ask and each incoherent ramble in the tags !! i don’t have Favorite Mutuals but if i did it would be u guys because it’s insane how much i light up seeing ur urls ! i hope 2023 brings so many more wonderful interactions w u guys, u rly make my mindless scrolling on tumblr 100x more fun

yvie @nnilkyway HELLO i am so so beyond grateful i met them this year ! what a strange stroke of luck too bc i was so obsessed w their art before we met and hearing him say he was a big fan of my work was like. mind boggling. anyways yvie is literally one of the funniest people i have ever met in my life oh my god it’s so rare for me to find people whose sense of humor just Clicks with mine but like. four messages in and we were sending each other memes and becoming best friends and it was fantastic! i have never once felt weird or intimidated talking to them which is crazy for me, a person who feels weird and intimidated a Lot, and also need i reiterate his INSANE TALENT !! like holy shit ! my go to person for talking about gf mike wheeler or mitski or literally just anything and everything. yvie if you’re reading this i am putting u in my pocket and holding u so close. mwah. also we are married, btw. if anyone cares.

haven @bookinit02 OK. you all have heard me gush about haven a million and one times on this blog and i’m sure you’ve seen her gush about me because she’s (rightfully) obsessed with me (/j. kind of) but haven was the first friend i ever made in the byler community which is so so beyond insane to me. i fell in love with her writing so instantaneously and you guys should’ve been there to see my reaction when i saw her leave her first comment on my fic. literally screamed it was so embarrassing 😭 we talked exclusively through ao3 comments for a while because she’d yell every time i updated ihcisc and i’d yell every time she updated her season 2 rewrite and then one day she dm’d me asking me to make a twt to add me to a byler gc and the rest was History. anyways haven is one of the most talented most creative people i’ve ever met BUT she’s also one of the sweetest and most compassionate people on the face of this planet and deserves nothing but good things always ! she’s one of those people that i need to talk to every day or i’ll go insane and i love how our convos can speedrun the entire human spectrum of emotions within like. 5 minutes. she’s so incredibly supportive and my #1 hype girl and she has the freaky ability to entirely turn my mood around on a bad day in less than 20 seconds. she literally managed to sleuth around and find my venmo just to send me soup money. if i could buy her Everything then i literally would. i would eat cilantro for her. i would watch the mlvn makeout scene for her. i would get my socks wet for her. literally i would do anything for her and i can’t wait until i see her in june and i chase her in circles around the airport and then we kiss👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽 and we Hug so tight and platonically 🫂

thea @wiseatom u already know. i tell her every day that i would do literally anything she asked of me and it’s true! literally 2 minutes ago she said “suni u should dye ur hair green” and for a moment i seriously considered it. anyways thea is objectively the funniest fucking person i have ever met in my life and is also my twin. if my twin were blond and taller and also a different age. in all seriousness though thea feels like the world’s most insane older sister to me and as an Actual older sister i’m really loving the feral little sibling treatment. she’s so insane easy to talk to (probably bc our brains work in the exact same way) and Oozes talent from literally every single cell in her body. she sends me a snippet of her work and i spend the next 10 minutes rolling on the floor trying not to SCREAM. there are so few people who can make me laugh as much as she does but also turn me into a blubbering mess of a baby with her Evil Cruel Prose 2 seconds later but thea wiseatom has been put on this planet to achieve the impossible. i have rarely felt so seen as i do when i talk to her, whether it’s for advice or Wallowing or complaining about our disproportionately large heads together, she is so kind and supportive and one of my favorite people Ever. i can’t believe the universe put her 3000 miles away from me because i Need to be a menace to her in person but we’ll make it work. every day i say goodnight to her at 8 pm my time and then say good morning to her at 2 am my time and then i go to bed <3 thea if you’re reading this (and u better be. i tagged u) i hope u know that u are the light of my life and i am packing my bindle as we speak to begin the cross country trek. mwah.

@andiwriteordie ANDI ! i miss talking to u every day but u are so busy with ur big girl job and cranking out quality fics at light speed so i’ll give u a pass 😔 andi is literally a legend in the byler fic community so when i found out she Knew Who I Was,,, i died. i literally died. even when we haven’t talked in a while i love how we can pick up a convo like nothing has changed or send posts that remind us of each other or go crazy apeshit in each others tags like there’s no tomorrow !! andi is so so inspirational to me, she is so kind and creative and full of positivity (even if her writing is mean and full of Sadness and Misery. still haven’t forgiven u for descent, btw) she feels like my other older sister and she has such an insane way with words that i will never understand ! thank u for singlehandedly keeping byler tumblr going, i hope 2023 is so kind to u and u get ultra promoted and have so much fun at the eras tour like u deserve <3

moon aka @smoosnoom omg ok not only is moon so crazy talented but she is such! a sweet person! back when i started writing for byler she was such an enigma to me, an ao3 user and a total Mystery, so i never expected us to actually talk and now! here we are! she is so uplifting and supportive and i’ve loved getting to know her over the past few months, whether it’s bonding over our shared hatred (affectionate. mostly) of finn wolfhard or bawling our eyes out to everything everywhere (oh my god.) seeing her comment on my first fic literally made my heart stop dead in my chest. she has such a gift for making everyone feel so immediately accepted and welcome in any space, and i will spend the rest of my life stewing in anger that she’s taller than me. that feels extremely, unfathomably illegal. anyway moon if ur reading this (and u also better be! bc i tagged u!!) i hope the new year is so good to u <3 mwah ily

[wigglebox]

I don’t go here but I’ve seen so much of the discourse on this Misha stuff on my dash that I’d like to chime in: I think what’s happened is that so many people have projected onto this actor so many incongruous things and applied to, again, this *actor* so much built up fan lore that every time reality comes crashing down, everything splinters for these fans creating a dissonance they can’t handle. “How could this ACTOR not live up to the projections and speculation I slapped on him, which he clearly has no way of possibly knowing!! He’s clearly terrible! Even though what I’m really mad at is a figment of a person I made up in my head because I have no idea who this actor is in real life!”

So much of it, respectfully, reads like that. It’s a huge trap I’ve seen fans fall into for years now- this building up a fantastical personality around someone they will never even meet, and then rock-bottom disappointment when it cracks.

It seems he does have a lot of interaction with fans through social media, but in this day and age actors, especially B-list actors, are almost required to maintain that stuff to get work and promote the jobs they get on- they kinda don’t have a choice. All social media for actors is part of their job- it’s not some sort of personal one-on-one time with anyone.

In these moments where the veneer seems to crack, I think it’s a good opportunity to adjust one’s self, as a fan, to tether back to reality. Grab onto the dissonance and let it ground you. As fans, folks do not actually know this person, nor will they ever. We don’t know him. He’s doing his job going to cons to make a little money until the next gig rolls around and bask in a little past glory hoping folks will stick around for what’s to come. It’s also a challenge keeping the balance of all that- which this incident seems to drill home. Marketing is hard, and as an actor expected to do it for yourself personally even harder. Sometimes you fuck it up a little. Ah well- live, apologize, learn, and do better next time.

Because he’s just an actor trying to keep himself relevant at the end of the day- it’s just his job. We aren’t perfect. It’s fine. Whatever.

I hope that makes sense. Please excuse the anon bc I respect how strong y’all are. Anyway, thank you for letting me write too much in your inbox.

Hey nonny! I agree with most of this, though I wouldn't characterize him interacting with us and talking to us as him just trying to make money or keep his job or just that it is his job -- if you're not in the fandom i guess maybe it's harder to see but he truly does care about his fans and gives us the time of day and actually pushes us to do better in our day to day lives and stuff.

i will say though i think this is a problem across all fandoms of people making these actors their personality, or just parasocializing a little too closely, or, in lieu of true support IRL, has latched onto him in a support kind of way. Which is fine I mean I'm a fan too -- but there does come a point we have to draw the line.

But since you're not in the fandom or anything I will say that maybe Misha relied on us a little too much too, at least publically. That is to say, both sides kinda flew too close to the sun here but I feel like as a fandom it felt worse for us because there's so many of us.

I do think we were a comfortable place for him to chat about things -- not everything but he's chatted about personal things and shares with us his journeys when learning things or wanting people to understand something, politics, charities, etc etc.

but i do think it's always important to remember at the end of the day, be it a celebrity, actor, public figure or not, he's really just a person. and even if you think he should be held to a higher standard [a standard, i may add, he likely holds himself to as well], you still have to factor in he's still a human being prone to mistakes or prone to confusion or prone to attachment and emotions and everything. like just because he has to be held to some kind of higher standard doesn't erase human nature.

i find now, a full week since this started, fandom's problems right now are mostly with each other. the misha thing is like, the middle of it or the inciting incident but we were at each other's throats since Friday night, literally. and that's on us. not on him. the man got up there and was vulnerable and read his poems and talked with us and had no idea this was happening.

i think it would be good for fandom to take a collective breath, stop being mean to each other, stop being mean to him because he's never been mean to us before and has always been kind and when he misspoke or misstepped, he's apologized and we know it's sincere because he learns and he listens.

so yeah i disagree he just does social media and interacts with us because it's his job, because he's not just an actor with an acting career he does a lot of other things and he likes community and talking with people truly -- but i agree that sometimes fandoms, across the board not just us, can get a little too much sometimes or maybe demand too much perfection or demand too much or this or another. another human being can't read your mind or be everything you need them to be. that's too much pressure, even more so when it's thousands of people doing it.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Just gonna talk about my current WIP

... and life. Because this is a nice cozy place where I can do that and only one of you knows me IRL.

So, in July, I was laid off. Well, my team was laid off. One of the many casualties in the "who needs DEI" wave. I can't even be particularly mad about it because that job was horrible. I dreaded work every day and I'm pretty sure that had I stayed, my health would have suffered more than it already had.

Then came the burnout. That shit hit me like a freight train. I've spent the majority of the last 2.5 months trying to give myself space to rest as much as possible (while also job hunting because I'm not exactly in a position that I can just BE unemployed). And y'all, rest is hard. Like really hard. But we're working on it.

While I 100% view this as a time I can and must rest, it also feels like an opportunity to actually focus on writing.

Hell, if I'm being honest, it feels like the universe went, "You said you would do this if you only had time to dedicate to it. Here you go." Now I've just gotta do the thing. Which... is also hard.

I've had several WIPs bubbling away for years now. Ones I've shared with folks, ones people ask me about. But the one I'm focusing on right now I haven't shared with anyone.

It's too personal, but not in a way that folks would assume. It's not autobiographical (though it is set just outside of Boston, where I'm now calling home) or anything of that sort. It's simply that I'm so in love with the two main characters I'm nervous to say anything about the story to folks close to me until it's finished.

But no one is likely to see this so I'm gonna share a bit here:

Toni. Bless Toni. She's a little me and probably a little you too. The definition of someone running toward something even though far too many people think she's running away. She is a woman who refuses to accept good enough and deals with the repercussions of that--especially as a fat woman (a through line in most of my femme MCs). In her case, she chose to end a relationship with a man most people considered a catch--ya know a catch who thought he could convince her to have a baby she said she didn't want--and move across the country rather than allow herself to stay in a situation that made her miserable. Now, alone--save for her best friend a few towns over--she's rebuilding her life and unpacking the baggage that says she's unreasonable and unreliable for choosing her happiness.

And y'all... Cillian. Lord. He's a local boy--complete with that Bahston accent--and built like a tank. Everyone around him can see how golden his heart is, not because he wears it on his sleeve but because he has an aura of goodness that is almost impossible to miss. Were you to tell him that, he'd tell you you're full of shit. The thing about Cillian is that he's the kind of good that comes from going through hell. In his case, hell was literal war. Now, 10 years out of the military and 8 sober, he's still reconciling with parts of himself he'd rather bury. Think a little Bucky Barnes with a dash of Frank Castle and then the rest, well the rest is just Cillian: The boy who should have been a musician, not a soldier. The man who runs his family's bar and escapes to his property in New Hampshire when the world is too much. The 6'2" 275lb brick of muscle that collects floral robes and buys expensive sheets and falls so in love with a gorgeous plus size powerhouse of a woman that it undoes him a little.

I love them. I love how they're going to open up with one another, to allow the other to see the parts of them that are still bleeding and know that it will be ok.

(They also fuck like rockstars so there's that.)

I'm still working on the first draft, but I think I can have it done in the next couple of weeks. From there, revisions and then MAYBE eyes that aren't mine.

Hopefully, someone other than me cares about their slow conversations, the softness of their fall, the low stakes but high emotion of it all.

-sigh-

Anyway. That's been my world of late. Thanks for being the void tumblr.

Love ya.

[hefkerut]

It's okay to fall in love with your friends. Love is a spectrum and you have so much to give. So fall in love with your friends. Fall in love with your partner. Fall in love with your pets, with yourself, with your cooking, with the mailman who always smiles when he gives you your package. Fall in love fall in love fall in love.

Real vulnerable answer under the cut cause I don't feel like clogging people's dash and it's probably gonna be a longer answer lol

first of all if you know me IRL and read this no you fucking didn't. I forbid you from ever bringing it up. anyways

there is so many ways I can respond to this

in the platonic sense I know for a fact I love my friends. every single one of them. I would go to great lengths to ensure their wellbeing, to make sure they are happy and as happy as they possibly can be. In that sense my life is full of love that I can feel is also reciprocated, because my friends do take care of me as much as I let them. even if I have trouble with letting people get as close to me as they'd like, but everyone has problems with that I think.

I love my life. it's convinient, full of creativity and dreams I'm either fulfilling or working towards fulfilling one day. hell, I recently made a "best memories" note on my phone where I note down every time I feel this special type of happiness that manifests as a tug near my stomach, like my own body is telling me to pay attention because happiness is happening right now right here. because I never realized how many of those moments I feel on a monthly basis. the note made me realize how grateful I am for everything.

But I can't help to... I guess yearn for something more still. I don't chase this feeling, I let it sit because happiness cannot be caught, it has to come one day to you and you only realize it after a while it is here. but that yearning for someone close is still present, and I sometimes let myself fall in love with my friends just a little bit to quench it. and it's a recipe for disaster eventually but for now I fall for all my firends from time to time just so that I don't forget how to love someone properly. how to be myself, let them be themselves and still make both of us happy.

my last relationship ended because it was begging to verge on dependency and it scared me after a while, so after trying to save it I eventually realized I'm doing more harm than good and cut it short. I'll never know if it was a good decision, but it felt like the best course of action at that time. it didn't feel right, but it felt necessary.

after two years I recently decided to get into dating and I'm just so scared of overdoing it all. or underdoing it all. the only thing I know is that I cannot lose myself in all of this. I cannot lose the version of myself I've discovered over the time I was alone, but I have to also let this version change and flow with everything that is happening. but it's difficult to let someone new close to my core, wouldn't it be easier to fall back and fall for one of my established friends?

its a lot, I don't expect anyone to read through it all lol, but if you did, thanks for that. I needed to let that out somewhere

[aztrareia]

Mirabilis | fin

I wanted to add a cool sort of tagline right here, but that might wait until I have more functioning braincells. I usually add a lot of self-reflection in these works. I don’t really care if you read them or not, but it would be nice if you did.

[optional read below feel free to ignore thank you]

Hello, it’s weird author-me who had the genius idea of making a dual concept oc. Call it an alter-ego, a doppelganger, or even a split personality—it’s really none of my business. For me it’s a please check the past few posts below I feel shy having to repeat the same thing again.

So what was the whole mental thought process behind this? No hecking idea. I’m joking. Maybe it’s because mirabilis, as a word, means, “amazing, wondrous, remarkable,” the whole thing ended up to be this—idk, bright? But like the other piece a large part of this work is the background color. I tend to limit works to a few colors, in this case it was yellows and golds and dashes of red and pink. The gems on her neckpiece reminded me of both water droplets, but also tears.

This work has been such a slightly enigmatic piece for me. Mostly because of all artpieces I’ve done of this oc this is the one time she’s has this sharp look. As though she’s fighting something, or someone, or she’s staring down at those who come before her presence—I’m not sure if I should divulge the emotional elements I, as the artist, have been going through behind all this. Just know that be it hell or high water, I’ll come out of it, glowing as best as I can—even though I’ll probably not see it as a glow of sorts, more like battle scarred from some sort of inner mind goblin I’ve had to face during works like these.

But rest assured, this whole series of oc works have been such a joy to work on. I was able to rekindle skills and knowledge that I thought were buried after years of being in a sort of survival mode. And I feel as though I was able to improve those skills again, little by little. I definitely am thankful to the flowery-themed songs (and a few other different themed ones) who helped me reach that point where I am able to keep drawing details without being too distracted by real-life things (lol this sounds bad but when people distract you irl the whole momentum dies, just like now, when I’m about to be called for dinner once again).

Pray I come back to my other wips, or start a new wip like a madman.

[theodora3022]

Playing tricks with the trickster

Summary: Failed escape attempt from yandere Childe. He lets you play your cards, even playing along, just for his own amusement.

Notes: My first genshin piece yay... I had a sweet and terrible dream of me running from Childe in the woods. Also some inspiration was drawn from @cinnamonest‘s this post, one big virtual hug to her! I hope I did Childe justice, what can I say I love manipulative smiling boys. It has become a pattern as I dash from one fandom to another. This is had turned out to be longer then I expected...Ginger boy demands my time and energy too much omg. Mind the warnings, although there is nothing extreme in this.

Fun fact, I was looping to Nintendo game by Alessia Cara when writing this down. I believe it fits the theme of this fic quite well.

Tagging: @akutaguagua a great friend who patiently beta-read this mess of a horror dream and gave me lots of kind praises! 

(Offical art belongs to miHoYo! This is a cover page of this video, if there is any issues, contact me and I will remove it at once)

Warnings: Implied past abduction,dub-con touching, mild degradation, drugging(not on reader), implied non-con/dub-con at the end, this is not healthy love and I do not condone this irl.

It has been nearly a month since the youngest Fatui Harbinger had “taken you in”. After a few tries, you were too horrified by the punishments to continuously fight him. You learned on the first day that Childe’s smiling, the friendly mask would come off towards you. Your behaviour would decide if that is a curse or a “blessing”.

So you had quieted down, struggling to restrain yourself from yelling or screaming, carefully not to provoke his anger. Despite being compliant to his orders, you never truly showed him any affection either. Sure, you would sit on his lap if he asked, but you never initiated anything intimate with him. No matter how much Tartaglia spoiled you with clothes, books, jewelry or other luxuries, he is still the one who holds the commanding end of your shackles. It’s the best not to get used to all of that when your sight is set on the door.

Although he has taken your freedom away, you are not kept in a windowless room. On the contrary, you have too many outings now. Wherever he goes, you have to be present in a 2m radius, including meetings. Being a Harbinger is no easy job, so he prefers not having to worry about your safetly during buisness hours. The best way to do that is never let you out of his sight.

“Love, no one should witness our little problems. Well, no one alive that is.” Of course you wouldn’t want to put innocent people's lives at stake. You never dared to act out when you two are in public, and no one would bat an eye if a Fatui had taken a lover. 

You had taken an emotionless approach towards him. If Childe wants a kiss on the cheek, you’ll give him a quick light peck. If he wants breakfast, you’ll go make some pancakes with the topping he likes. Luckily, Childe had not done anything too extreme yet. If cuddling to sleep does not count as extreme that is. The only time you slipped up is when he suddenly hugs you from behind when you’re cooking.  

You thought maybe, just maybe, by being as boring and dull as you could, this bastard might just get tired of you and let you go. Childe only loves the fun of it right? Or maybe it could lower his guard.

Oh, how naive you are. You should have known better than to underestimate a Fatui harbinger. See, this is exactly why he needs to keep you around. Yes, unfortunately for you, Childe loves you, so very much. Speaking to him with a monotone voice isn’t going to alter that fact.

You have been devoid of emotions as of late. While Childe does appreciate fewer screams for the sake of his eardrums, this schemer can sense you are up to something. Perhaps this is the peace before your “storm”(he thought of it more like a drizzle)

You want to play a game? Okay, why not? Childe cannot wait to see what tricks you got on those sleeves. Are you ever getting away? Does an amateur ever win when they play a game with a professional trickster? Never.

Still, nothing bites like a cornered rat. You are no airhead, and he is fully aware of that. Just not as cunning and observent as him, that’s all.

The way you just kept your emotions sealed up is impressive, even to someone like him. Even when he got hansy, you did not flinch and just stared at the corner. Childe can only catch faint glimpses of anger when you thought he wasn’t looking.

Hm, when are you pulling your trigger? Tonight, or tomorrow night? Not that Childe is impatient, anything from you is worth waiting. But he would need to dismiss his patrolling underlings in the nearby woods beforehand. No extras would be allowed to disturb this game.

There is no chance during the day, a somewhat mutual understanding for you two. Night time in comparison, is a different story. 

Anyone’s sleeping hours is their most vulnerable time of the day, Childe is no exception. You do not plan to harm him, not that you don’t want to. But you are willing to swallow the pent up frustration towards him if you would never see his face again after this. Maybe beating up some slimes would help with the release?

You somehow managed to slip a mixture of herbs into his tea. Since he would buy cooking ingredients for you from time to time, you had requested a bunch of herbs along with the ingredients of a sleep inducing medicine you remembered. Although Childe does all he can to keep you near him, there are inevitable hours that he needs to be somewhere without you. He cannot jeopardize your safety with troublesome monsters. On a side note, he loves showing you off to anyone, his colleagues, acquaintances, business partners, anyone he does not deem a threat.

Enough time for you to make those herbs into powder and cover it up with a few spoons of milk. Tea with milk has become quite popular in Liyue as of late. Childe has grown to love them, so you have learned how to mix it up. He always let you handle his food and drinks, saying that he “trusts you”. What you do not know is this is one of the openings he exposed on purpose. It’s not like you can aquire anything deadly under his suffocating supervision.

Your plan will work, or so you think. Childe will not wake up when you wiggle out of his grasp, because dreamland will keep him occupied. All you need is a glider and a usable sword from Liyue and you’ll get your life back. Bottling up extreme emotions has certainly taken a toll on your mind, but it will be worth it if that is the prerequisite of being free.

Something about this being so easy sits ill with you. Have you really been with the youngest Fatui Harbinger this whole time? But that was brushed off your shoulders by the sheer excitement of regaining your long lost freedom. You know Liyue is in walking distance, all you need to do is cross these woods and-

The moment you dive into the forest, you think you heard an amused chuckle. 

That smooth voice terrifies you to no end, the same voice you took orders from for the past month.

Oh, how Childe loves seeing you happy. It’s priceless, both literally and figuratively. No matter how many things he buys you, you had not shown him even one small smile. Enjoy your sweet freedom, because it ain’t going to last. You certainly will know your place after this right? If not you are just dumber then he give you credit for.

That glow of relief in your eyes is worth every last bit of this intense dizzying feeling to Childe. To make sure your plan go through, he had drunk the tea without hesitation, quick enough to catch the momentarily excitement you expressed. He knows the game is on, therefore he had given the night patrol guards the entire evening off. Forcing himself to stay concious by digging his nails into his palms, Childe followed you into the woods.

Your potion is quite strong. Excellent, you’ll have to give him the recipe for informational purposes later. Especially how you managed to achieve such effects with a few herbs you had. He never took you to be anything less than a smart girl, but this has exceeded his expectations. Where’s the fun in a game without challenges?

How you storm through the forest wearing that cute terrified expression looks so endearing, it’s surely not his fault if he wants to enjoy this sight to be longer right.

So, each time you feel the slightest at ease due to whatever reason, expect Childe to make some sound to send you running like your life depends on it again. The sadistic man is hunting you down playfully, like a cat chasing a stray mouse to the inevitable corner.

You know he is toying with you. There is nothing you can do to make him shut up though.

“Love, you had scratched your leg. Must hurts by the looks of it.”

“Liyue is that way, you know.”

“Are you tired? If you want to jog in the middle of the night, you should have called me to come along!”

How can he say those things nonchalantly while you are trying to escape from him?  Here he is, daunting you with that signature smile he wears so very often. That is when reality slaps you right in the face. No matter how hard you plan, no matter how fast you run, there is no getting rid of him.

When your stamina runs out, a simple pull and push on your left wrist is enough to let you fall onto the ground panting. Even now, you still refuse to beg for mercy. You would take the cold grounds to the warmth of Childe’s embrace anyday. 

“Aw, burnt out already? Pathetic. Looks like we need to work on your stamina more. But this is not the place for exercise.”

“Look at me.” His slender but forceful fingers tilt your head up, making you look into those ocean blue orbs. There is anger present in his eyes, but those emotions are more a mixture of delight and that. His smile had also been replaced by a mocking smirk. “You, trying to leave me? Your sense of humor is...well, let’s just call it unique. Lucky for you, you amused me nonetheless.”

“I know what you’re thinking. How I’m a selfish jerk and you hate me. Why be so ungrateful? You get to live in luxury thanks to me, you know. I am selfish, yes, but look how stupid you are. I know you added something extra in my evening tea, my beloved.”

“Come now, we are going to do some exercises suited for a night like this once we’re back home. It is our one month milestone, after all. You had already given me your gift, it is only fair for you that I do the same.”

Childe is not making a sarcastic remark. The thrill of that chase was the best fun he had in months. And you are going to love his gift too, maybe not right away, but surely sometimes after. 

You have to mentally prepare yourself for the worst as he dragged you back to the prison, hopefully you’ll still be able to walk properly after whatever Childe got in store.

[kadekuro]

Thoughts on newest fus episode?

Gods I have very little thoughts in my head so I'll do my best to answer coherently but at the very least just know that ep 28 made me more mentally ill /j

first off, LONG EPISODE, QUICK SHOUT OUT THE RADD! GOOD JOB ON THE EPISODE! HOLY SHIT!

canned peaches 🍑👏

I like the idea of a pulley system for the sideways site, good shit. I hope the life support systems are good like how if the oxygen machine? the water filtration systems? isn't that probably gravity based? how do they go to the bathroom or shower. better hope there's a reset soon and hope it sets the site back right.

also Love and Klein's convo was oof. I saw a theory Alves was the person who died but after reviewing this convo I doubt it bc Love compared Klein's 'talking weird' to Alves so casually and didn't, like, backtrack on it? I feel like she would avoid talking about Alves if she had just died.

Harley's recording was kinda nice, like. A good breather.

Love and Radd's one sided convo :( after the last episode... :( ... Love (the concept) Loses...

Radd and Harley convo also bad. (I do like the keyboard noises, I'm guessing cc!raddagher recorded those herself! her keyboard looks nice) Radd has been betrayed by someone she trusts and now she's trying to put her walls up. defrosting ice queen trying to refrost herself and people are getting caught in the cold. :(

Love and Harley chilling together good, good dynamic. Two broken besties actually communicating?? IRL not fake?

And now the meat of the episode. The fight.

Love is right about gathering everyone! Communication is important! IT'S IMPORTANT.

Harley getting angry at Radd and them getting into a full blown fight was such a gut punch, oough. Dragging Klein into it too. Tension is so high, it's not any One Person's fault here...

I wonder if having Simmons in on the meetings would help. I feel like if we see Simmons we'd understand why everyone in the group is a 14b.

"you let this happen by being a bad friend" and like we've been watching how Harley and Lanc, these two work-friends have sorta been thrown into being outside-of-work-friends and how they're like, kinda good and kinda not? they're friends but they push and pull wrong and we've been watching them slowly fall apart because they're both self destructive and isolating, and yet convinced they're right. "being a bad friend" but Radd I don't know if they were really 'friends' at that point, cuz it wasn't just the cabinet it was the "some of us have thing to do!" and the isolating and the dash 3.

Harley is possibly also trying to distance himself from Lancaster emotionally by saying this, because if they are friends then it hurts that he was betrayed, but if they're not friends then he's 'Okay', even though that's not how it works.

And Love! Tabi's acting is so good!!! Holy shit. (mental image of love climbing through the sideways door...)

that ending... :( ... Love (the concept) is Dead

anyways those are my thoughts on the episode, I hope you got something out of all this!

[kaeyasaki]

❝ BITES YOU! ❞

✿ cute lil messages for my besties before i get too busy with exams and forget, because who knows how long everyone’s tumblr phase will last,, dramatic gasp — apologies for typos i’ve been anti beta reading these days as you can tell

✧･ﾟ:* myra *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvcre

my pretty kitten, myra chan, i love you even though you like,, l*orio !! we’ve been friends for almost 6 months now, wow so cool !! no but actually i’m very grateful for meeting you. i know we already knew each other beforehand, but i think it’s rad the way we were always destined to meet !! quite literally the tumblr!romeo and juliet experience i say, but im super glad we got the chance to befriend one another and then grow so close !! i love you a unexplainable amount and you’re really special to me !! i’m extremely grateful for everything you’ve done for me, you’re a very genuine and loyal friend and i’m really proud i get to call you someone so close to me. thank you for always being you and taking such good care of me and mina whenever we’ve needed it, i think you’re the coolest and not only are you admittedly funny, but you’re someone who i’ve found so easy to be myself around even when regarding irl situations, thank you for being you and thank you for loving me being me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* mina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @jhxyne

i’d love you more if you’d let me date your brother but i suppose i can’t have it all </3 no seriously though, i love you stupidly too and i’m insanely happy and grateful we met almost 6 months ago. you’re on the same wavelength constantly and you’re someone i’ve found so easy to confide in and open up to so quickly. i’ll forever be grateful to you for showing me what a real friendships supposed to be like and helping me feel comfortable no matter what. you’re really cool mina and you’re also really hot >:) you’re undeniably you and don’t let anyone put you in your place which i love. i’m super proud of you for everything you do too, you’re a big deal to me and i care about you a lot. while i’ll always drop whatever i’m doing to rip a bitches throat out for you, i know you’d do the same. you’re extremely important and someone i hold very close to me, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chloe *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sunasbabie

man you’re really one of my longest friends on here and i appreciate you endlessly. you’ve been with me since before i was ‘mila’ and we clicked so quickly! you became a really good friend of mine in such a short amount of time too which is rare for me because i tend to hold myself back when it comes to really clicking with people but honestly i can and would talk to you about absolutely anything! you were honestly separated from me at birth i’m certain, we’re very alike and different in the same sense and you’re definitely someone i’d cling to irl <3 you’re funny and you’re genuine and i love you a ridiculous amount! thank you for putting up with me for as long as you did and i’m manifesting we one day meet, we’ll definitely end up in some sort of trouble but that’d be expected of us >:), i love you

✧･ﾟ:* val *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @atsuangel

smirks, valicità my beloved, you’re quite literally the epitome of cool. you’re easily someone i look up to and admire whether that’s from up close and after, you’re very real and you’re very easy to talk to. i adore you in every sense and you’re perfect in every sense other than your taste of men (i can fix you :,( pete davidson,, he’s not right for you!). we’ve been friends for a long time now too and i’m very grateful we met, you’re someone very special to me and someone who i’d also sell a kidney to meet >:) not only is your online presence just overall hot, you quite literally are the sexiest too wow oh look! i’m on my knees :) you’re just %+>$# hhh you’re just really cool and i’m really glad i get to call you my favourite worstie! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* venus *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @amourdite

i’m not sure when you’ll see this but venus my gf, i’d lick you right now if i could :) you’re another person i’d lose a limb for if it meant we could meet, you’re so funny and i think you were the first person to see all sides to me. you’ve put up with me annoying you for a very long time now and you’re easily one of my longest and closest friends on here. you’re super easily to talk to and even though you’re sometimes a bit weird >:) you’re overall very well grounded and level headed and i know i can always come to you for anything without feeling like i’m going to be judged. i love you immensely and i’m very thankful for you because we met during my anti social phase when i didn’t really want to make friends or anything so the fact you were able to make me unknowingly change my mind about that is a pretty big accomplishment >:) i’m always here if you need me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* lexy *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @babymattsun

miss hot girl lexy i love you very very much !! you’ve always been really cool and you’re never afraid to speak your truth and i admire that completely. you don’t hesitate to put a bitch back in their place and you do all that while being hot and funny which is a hard accomplishment. you’re very honest and someone i’d feel so comfortable going to if i ever needed an opinion, like a straight up no bullshit type of opinion because i know you’d be able to give me what you really think without giving me an answer from the perception of someone wearing rose tinted glasses. you’re so real and you’re so you, i love you and everything about you so much and i’m always happy to see you on my dash heather you’re posting content or just shitposting, seeing your url makes me very happy :,) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* hanna *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @s9turn

screams, bye we were destined to be friends i don’t care. you are literally meant to be close to me and i’m so excited knowing that you’ll be coming to the city for uni because all my unis are either in the city or super close by train so i won’t be far from you. you’re insanely intelligent and everything you do is just,, wow. you’re extremely funny too, i love talking to you so much and even when it’s us discussing an actual topic/issue, you’ll still be making me laugh when we talk. we hate the same people and have very common interests, you’re so cool hanna and i’m super glad we met >:) not only are you my literal twin in the sense of us both getting the privilege to attend white tory schools while being poc girls :,) but you also get where the humour etc comes from making it so easy to talk to you about anything. your writing too is so well thought out and whether you’re writing long fics or crack content, you execute everything you do so perfectly i’m quite literally on my knees for you, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* chuu *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @nakizumie

ahh chuu !! i don’t even know where to start with you, you’re literally my comfort person and i love you endlessly !! i still think it’s funny we were both fans of each other and too shy to approach but i’m so grateful you did approach me because you so quickly became one of you favourite people. you’re literally an angel and deserve the entire world given to you, you’re so kind to everyone and just seeing you on my dash makes me happy !! your messages make my entire day and you work so hard too !! you’re literally perfect and i envy those who get to see yo pretty face everyday irl, they’re so lucky to have someone like you because you’re the type of person whose hard to come by often. you’re talented and easily one of the friendliest people on tumblr, we’re all very lucky to have you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vale *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @iwasumi

vale my love, you’ve kept me so sane on so many occasions and for that i’m eternally grateful. you’ve taken it upon yourself so many times to go out of your way to make sure i’m good and make me smile, you’re someone i treasure and i’m so lucky we met. you’re another mutual who i find comfort in and seeing your posts make me so happy because you too are undeniably true to yourself and you’re always more than happy to speak your truth. i have so much respect for you as a writer and a person, you’re a literal star and we’re all to lucky we have you here. seeing you talk about your selfships makes me intensely happy too, i love the way you talk about them, you’re always so cute about it and mention specific details which i find super special because i can tell you really do care and love for these characters and i envy they have someone like you loving them as much as you do. i appreciate you endlessly and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sophia *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sophiashortcake

your taste in men is always something i have to bring up because not once but twice have you shocked me with the men you end up falling for. it doesn’t matter though, your pretty face makes up for it !! i’m super glad we met even if it was on that stupid discourse night. you know, i was still in awe when i found your initial post about it because not only did you serve such logic, but you also made your post somehow look pretty in the process. again you met me while i was in my anti social phase and had no intentions on making actual friends on tumblr. obviously i had my old mutuals like clara and yelie, but it was nice to have someone a lot closer to my age and we clicked very quickly which is something that doesn’t happen with me a lot. you’re very special to me and i hope you know that. you’re very very kind and while i know tumblr is sometimes heavy and stressful, you do such a good job at keeping on top of things and handing yourself, i envy that a lot. you’re very mature and i think everyone should be more like you including myself >:) i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jae *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ats4mu

jae, i know you’ve been busy with exams lately and i’m super proud of you for everything you’ve done. i also know you plan to come back to tumblr soon to come catch up so i’ll leave this here for you to find when you come back hottie. miss jae, i love you very very much and i’m very glad we got to meet. you’re very funny and you’re super considerate of everyone around you. you always take the time out of your day to answer everyone and interact with full intention, we’re so lucky to have someone like you on here. i also appreciate you immensely, there’s been countless occasions where you’ve taken time out of your day to make me happy and while it’s undeserving, you always made sure i was good anyway and for that i’m extremely grateful. you’re beautiful through and through and not only are you such a big personality on here, you’re also very talented in the way you word things. i have so much respect for you and am constantly looking up to you, i’m very proud of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* jake *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @deardaichi

HISSING I LOVE YOU SM </3 no honestly, i’m so happy we met, you have made me so much happier and the fact you knew me even before i became ‘mila’ means you’ve watched me grow as a person and watched my life and dilemmas play out and yet you still stuck around and willingly interact with me. you’re so cool and funny and i’m so mad we didn’t meet before. you’re someone i trust so so much and i’d give anything up to meet you, i’m honestly obsessed with you and everything about you. you’re so kind and welcoming to everyone yet you’re also assertive and don’t take anyone’s shit. you’re literally my twin flame and i’m ridiculously happy we got to meet, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* tina *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @ilyrinjo

ahh miss tina hi !! i love you very much and i’m so glad you’re back !! you were missed for that period of time you left so these past few weeks of you returning have been so nice !! i still can’t get over you were one of my anons before but when you did come off anon i remember us getting along perfectly upon first interaction !! you’re super fun to talk to and your opinions are always very interesting but extremely valid too. you’re someone i could happily go to if i wanted an honest opinion or mature conversation with. you make talking to you so easy and not only that but you’re insanely pretty !! the boy you’re talking to is very lucky and i hope he knows it, he won’t get better than you and i highly doubt any of us will. you’ve got such perfect looks and personality i envy your balance in that have so much respect for you in everything you do. i hope you know how special you are to me and i hope everyone else knows how much you should be treasured because you really are a rarity to this world. i love you

✧･ﾟ:* em *:･ﾟ✧ — @osamuscupid

em !! pretty girl, i’m so glad you reached out to me a while ago !! i love you so so much and your messages make me so happy !! i love hearing all about your day and i love that you feel comfortable with ranting and just talking, i feel as though i’m sometimes a bit too much, but you still reached out to me and talk to me on a daily basis, you’re very special to me and i love hearing about how you’re doing. i care about you a lot and you already know how proud of you i am, you’re always working hard to achieve the things you want and you’re always putting in so much effort too. i look up to you for that as even in things you struggle with you persist with and that’s a mindset that’s hard to find someone with. you’re very special and i hope those around you know how lucky they are to have you, i care about you a ridiculous amount and i’m so glad we met !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sage *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @miyumiya

omg gf i love u !! you’re so much fun to talk to and your blog is always one of the prettiest !! you’re on pretty much the same wavelength as me and i love you so much !! once day we’ll save megan from pardi and force her to open her eyes, he’s not right for her and she should’ve been our gf from the start >:( okay but asides from that, you’re very easy to talk to and i love interacting with you !! i have so much love and time for you and you’re very easy to get along with !! you’re very talented in the way you write too, so i hold a lot of respect for you as a writer and friend, i can’t wait to keep getting to know you and i’m very thankful we met angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* max *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @maadorii

max hi hey hello i’m in love with you but you already knew that. you’re so easy to talk to and you’re so much fun too !! i love seeing you both on my dash and in my notifs, seeing your posts make me so happy and i love seeing whatever it is you have to say. i’d say your writing is poetic and i find that very beautiful, i love reading your stuff and i think you’re great in everything you do !! you’re easily someone i’d call a friend and you became one so quickly too considering i’m not the easiest to approach. everything about you i’m obsessed with and i’m super glad we met, it’s people like you that make me happy i stuck around on tumblr, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* sushi *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @velvetfireworks

ahhhh i adore you !! everything about you is just !!! you’re so wonderful and you definitely are someone i’d approach irl if i ever needed directions or something, you’re one of the friendliest people i’ve met and i’m so glad we did !! you’re super special not just to me, but to so many around you and you’re such a rare type of person to find, i’m truly lucky i got the chance to meet you because i’m enthralled with you completely. i look up to you as a writer and a person and i’m in awe of everything you do, you’re an all round great and well grounded person and you’re someone i know i could rely on if i ever needed it. you’re super likeable and i’m so happy we became friends, i love seeing you on my dash etc and wow don’t even get me started on your content. your way with words is perfect and even though i only tend to read for tetsu, reading your other works is a guilty pleasure because while i am loyal to him, your works always have me feeling some type of way, you leave me speechless everytime. you’re wonderful and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* vi *:･ﾟ✧ — @milfvi

i still cannot get over that one, you forgot we were mutuals, and two you didn’t know you were on my carrd,, VI WTF IVE LOVED YOU SINCE MY KUROOSKULT DAYS !! you’re so so funny and i have your post notifs on for that. everything you say is funny and you’re so easy to talk to because you’re so open and i love that !! you’re very special to me and someone i care about a lot, i love you and i’m proud of you for everything you do. your blog is so much fun to look at and seeing you on my dash makes me so happy !! you’re so fun to be around and you’re for sure someone i’d click with well irl which is rare for me to admit when talking about online friends. i’m so glad we met and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* xi *:･ﾟ✧

i don’t want to tag you for obv reasons >:) but i do want to tell you that i love you and while we only became friends in february, i’m glad we did because you’ve quickly become someone i can go to when i need to vent or rant because i know you won’t judge me. i’m really happy you feel like you can open up to me too because that’s something a lot of people struggle with when it comes to me. you’re so easy to talk to and i can say anything judgement free to you and vice versa. i’m literally in love with you and don’t even get me started on your selfship. i’d honestly pay a fat sum of money for it to be officially canon because the way you talk about him leaves me giddy for the two of you, i’m very much in awe of you and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* ellie *:･ﾟ✧ — @tetsulatte

pretty gf ellie, i adore you in so many ways. you’re so kind and caring to those around you and i adore your positive outlook. you have such a talent for making such pretty blogs too !! i’m glad we met even if it was just recently, but i appreciate you and everything you do and not even just for me. i know you bring comfort to a handful of people and i see you as the big sister type of figure for sure. i think you’re so cool and i’m super glad you reached out to me because me being the lowkey pussy i am when approaching new people, i would’ve been too shy and would’ve had to settle for admiring you from afar. you’re very much appreciated and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* nayru *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @luvoratomi

nayru !! you make my day pretty much everyday and i’m so thankful someone like you came across me !! you’re so kind and fun to talk to and i think everyone’s super lucky to be able to befriend someone like you !! you’re someone i look forward to interacting with and i promise after my exams are over i’ll be practically living in your inbox, you’re someone i hold close to me and i appreciate you a stuuupid amount. i’m love hearing from you and love hearing about your day and what you’ve been up to, it makes me happy to see you happy so thank you for always making that happen !! i love you

✧･ﾟ:* misa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @rintaromilktea

misa my pretty girl i hope you’re doing well !! i too, appreciate you an insane amount and i’m glad we became friends !! i’ve loved watching you grow more sure in yourself and confident on your blog, it makes me so happy to see you have good people around you too !! you’re someone i treasure a lot and i’m so glad we became friends !! you’re so kind and you’re always thinking of others. that’s a genuine rare trait to find in someone so i hold you very close to my heart and i’m so thankful we had the opportunity to meet, i hope you’re taking care of yourself angel, i love you

✧･ﾟ:* fyfa *:･ﾟ✧ — ✿ @sweetbakugou

hey fyfa i think you’re so rad >:) you’re literally the coolest and you’re always on the same shit as me, i literally adore you and everything about you. you always get me and i know you’re someone i could always rely on. you’re also really very funny and definitely one of my funniest mutuals, your shitposts have got me in trouble a few times in class from when i’ve read them and genuinely laughed, you’re so much fun and you’re so open and friendly, i’m so lucky we met and i’m so glad we befriended one another. i’m so happy i got to come across you on shitty tumblr and if i ever did leave, i’d definitely be running to you as one of the first people i’d be begging for other social handles to keep in contact with because where else am i going to find humour from </3 you’re so important to me and i love you

✧･ﾟ:* rose *:･ﾟ✧— ✿ @makeusfreefromthisfandom

rose !! i’m so happy you reached out to me because i love talking to you you’re so much fun !! i love that you get to be apart of me finally watching hxh (chrollo is all yours i really can’t with him </3) but not only that, you’ve been someone i’ve always looked up to as a person. you’re so real and you’re so kind and i know everyone around you would say the same. you’re like an older sibling type of figure on here and i love you for that. you’re so open and welcoming and i know you have others best interest at heart, you’re one of the best people i’ve met and i love you

hhh i think that’s everyone, but there’s a lot of people i hold close to me and appreciate even if i haven’t mentioned them on here,, you’re all so important to me and whether you’ve interacted with me once or twice on or off anon, you’ve all been super important to me growing as a person because while i was thinking about it yesterday, who i was when i first started tumblr and who i am now are two completely different people and i’m finally happy with myself :) thank you all so much i love you !!

[felassan]

Thoughts on Dark Fortress #2

(This post is under a cut due to spoilers.)

So late with this one! some stuff irl was keeping me really busy and hyper-distracting me lately, but it’s finally over now so I’m back on my bioware bullshit. :D

Overall there were a lot of beautiful or awe-inspiring scenes in this issue, and a lot of great, meaningful / poignant character interactions and moments between characters. It’s pretty impressive actually how much was able to be packed in. I posted some of my favorite panels here. also omg! the action sequences! the big reveal! the ending!! woww

cool scene-setting, panned out shot of Neromenian and behind it, the Dark Fortress, to immediately pull you back into the world and ‘where we left off’. the combination of ruined dead trees, red lights, lightning and fire/smoke is very atmospheric and hints at what’s ahead

“From this... city, if we can call it that” is a sick burn and reminds you that the Qunari are technologically more advanced than most of the rest of Thedas, from their cannons to their aqueducts

more individually distinct Qunari soldiers, sth I again appreciate

! last issue there were big ‘You haven’t seen the last of Tractus!’ vibes, naturally, but I didn’t expect him to escape by stabbing and killing the Qunari using a chair-leg..!!

the last panel on the first page of Karasten is really good. the way it’s colored, the way it’s lit, the light and shadow, the fiery backdrop, cinders floating, the details of his expression.. 👌 it also makes me think to the possible future, to DA4 when mainland Thedas may be continuing to face the entirety of the Antaam

in Vaea’s acrobatics scene on the bridge, I know rationally that she’ll be fine but couldn’t help but worry for her. again I like how they don’t shy away from showcasing Vaea’s specific abilities. also the attention to detail - you’d think some rocks are just some rocks, but it highlights the risk she’s undertaking that if she falls it’s into rough seas which could dash her against the jagged rocks :’S. Vaea, gooooo!

Fenris’ “Enterprising girl” line has big “Clever girl” meme energy :D

my heart can’t take Fran and Autumn leaning over the edge after Vaea in worry ;; or Aaron looking back in concern over his shoulder ;; or Fran’s tender reassurance ;; or Autumn’s Worried expression ;; the care and bonds which have grown between this group of characters ;;

notice Aaron starts drinking when Vaea’s away from them and they’re beginning to grow worried about her safety. the poor man’s nerves and stress levels

Fran touching the vegetation while she’s considering if she could use her magic to open the entrance from the outside is a nice touch

did Marius leap in front of Fenris and Fran there when the entrance opened?? damn, he’s quick. and the three of them look all scary and formidable here ready for combat. notice how the curve of the door and the spikes that go into the ground, and the composition of this panel, make it look like they’re standing in front of an opened dragon’s maw? ‘teeth’, a rumbling ‘roar’.. some nice foreshadowing here.

the reunion panels are so cute. Autumn’s lil tum as she jumps and Fran and Fenris’ lil smiles of relief and at Autumn’s reaction to seeing Vaea, then a rare happy beam from Aaron.. feel.. the love ;__;

red lighting in the tunnel sets a dangerous, dramatic build-up mood

👀 more info on Fenris’ past, on the specifics of the process which gave him his markings. in the panel where he says that it took a long time, his shadow on the wall behind him reminds me of the shadow of his past that has dogged him for so long :(

Fenris and Marius height difference

discussion of the process shows the power difference between blue and red lyrium. blue lyrium took a long time, red lyrium is almost instant

Autumn is such an intrepid little explorer and alert scout, tail and ears up, head forward. good girl!

“I just... worry about you, my girl”  ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚  I’ll be so sad if these are death flags for Aaron and he doesn’t make it out of here. also note Fran in this panel, who recently had to kill her own father and is still dealing with that, watching the strongly paternal moment between Aaron and Vaea :(

love Vaea’s faith in Aaron and her sense of humor. also I don’t know why, maybe it’s because Vaea met Sebastian, but her “Maker, no!”, although in a completely different and light-hearted context, reminds me of Sebastian’s “Maker nooo!” at the end of DA2 hh

the reference again to Hawke, who Fenris saw haunted by what they tried to do - save their mother - and couldn’t :’(. also with the shadow in this panel, here’s another person struggling with the shadow of his past qq. this is later emphasized again in Aaron when he continues to talk about his past and in the panel is a chain and manacle. smart visual metaphors, a must in the comic medium with limited space

mushroom skull 💀🍄

“It isn’t about what I’ve done. It isn’t about my failures. Or my choices. It’s about their impact” - he’s misty-eyed here as he thinks back to Ostagar.. does this line btw seem almost meta to anyone else btw? :D it feels like a meta reference to the experience of DA players and PCs, who are always having to deal with the impacts of their choices

I wanna point out that I was right on reading issue #1, when I said “I’m positive that in panel 2 here, it’s the exact moment when he sees Cailan die” ;;

So Aaron is also a veteran of the Battle of Denerim

reference to the Hero of Ferelden - “Those were someone else’s battles”. I’m being captain obvious here but I can’t help but [heart pitter-patter] at any and all references to the HoF

I like the.. parallel? is that the word? Aaron’s stories were him trying to inspire people to make a change, or him trying to convince himself of that. and now here’s Vaea, inspiring Aaron with her words in these panels. the little guys can make a difference! in the world of Thedas, you don’t need to be a big bombastic hero or a Player Character to have an impact 

lmao Fenris right on cue. the moments of humor/light-heartedness are nice because they break up the tension and are sprinkled throughout without derailing build-up or taking away from dramatic story impact. yknow?

yeah Aaron!! leave it behind. leave it to rot with mr mushroom skull (and hey the mushroom skull was there for a reason). again tho if this is a death flag i 

Fenris straight down to business with the tactics

its cute how close Autumn has been sticking to Fran

Tessa checking in on Fran again, as she did in issue 1

Could Vaea’s “Well, shit” be an homage to Varric? :D they have met

I also wanna point out that I was right on reading issue #1, when I said “My guess is that the thing Tractus shows Marquette and Nenealeus is probably a chained up dragon or similar”

the poor dragon :’( big dragon the Qunari had in Trespasser vibes

the sword has a really cool design, kind of reminds me of something a samurai might be depicted wielding

👀 lore-drop! so ancient elven arcane warriors used lyrium-infused swords. this seems to confirm the sarcophagus is an ancient elven artifact, no? makes sense, wasn’t it said that the sarcophagus’ design was based on the architecture/outfit-design type elements of a specific faction, and that this was done intentionally? it looks kinda ancient elfy in make, right? also about the lyrium-infused swords of the arcane warriors, well well well.. remember that the Evanuris and the ancient elves mined the bodies of Titans for lyrium, for power and to use as a resource. here’s an example of that use

as I read through this portion I became increasingly concerned for my boy Shirallas.. we really are in it now aren’t we 😭

the Qunari are launching STRAIGHT-UP ROCKETS ohhhh

pretty ‘lightshow’ over the wall in the “Let’s hope the fortress is as secure as Danarius boasted” panel hh

protective older brother Fenris, impish younger sister Vaea. love that dynamic, we love to see it. sheepish and exasperated Fenris is so cute

the Bone Pit dragon fight with Hawke and co reference!

I wonder how long the dragon has been captive here, and how Danarius/Tractus was able to capture it

lore-wise what are the implications here? when Fenris’ ritual was being undertaken, the sword and the sarcophagus were bombarded with magic, fire spells. in this one they aim to have the dragon bombard it with fire-breathing. is it just fire that makes it work/powers it, or is there magic in dragonfire, in dragons? it reminds me of “Your heart beats with the old blood, as well. Where do you think it comes from? It sings of a time when dragons ruled the skies. A time before the Veil, before the mysteries were forgotten. Can you hear it?”

purple color for the dragon’s growling sounds/typeset is a great idea

lets.. goooo!!!!

Marquette is such a nerd. later on when he activates the sarcophagus he has mad scientist vibes

the dramatic reunion face-offs begin!! as the prophecy foretold!!!!1

true to form, Marius DOES have nothing to say ahahaha, even at this, his personal climax. maybe Marius dies in the next issue, but Tessa lives and gets to go back to Charter

these Venatori look almost Star Wars

Shirallas my boyy.. nooo... don’t do it 😭

ah ah ah! try casting magic with no ARMS

Francesca a beacon of blue light and goodness

the splash combat page is masterful. everyone playing a part, so much going on, everything happening at once. a thing that sticks out to me about it is Aaron’s outstretched hand and alarm as he watches Fran fall 

Autumn with her lil hackles raised

“The Venatori have returned” dun dun dunn

goodbye Shirallas 😭😭😭

the composition of the second to last page with triangle/diamond-shaped panels and the framing of dragon wings is awesome

the Dread Wolf rises, “the Tevinter Imperium will rise again”.. on-point on-point cohesion

there he is, the red wraith

Super Saiyan Shirallas

what a note to end an issue on

wow wow wow!!

and separate to the above, some speculation based on the cover of Issue 3: the piece of metal looks like a broken collar coming off Shirallas, like the one there was on the cover of Issue 2 coming off the dragon. also he’s all bulky now with draconic talons/claws (reminds me of in-world legends of Reavers who dug too deep of their own power after drinking dragon blood and whose bodies consequently began to manifest subtle reptilian traits actually). I’ll be interested to see what results of this allusion between Shirallas and the dragon!!

[whumperooni]

I'd love to be mutuals with you but now really sure how to approach you off-anon.

I've been holding off on answering this one because I'm not quite sure how to respond without coming off as rude or bitchy or grouchy or stuck up or just straight up ridiculous

So pretty please take this as a general answer for everyone wanting to be moots and not just you, okay? I promise it's nothing personal (specially since you're a nonny and idk who you are anyways)

tldr; I'm a bad moot and if you wanna be a moot it has to happen naturally

But

I'm a terrible mutual, tbh. My online presence is flaky at best and I rarely look at my dash. I'm happy to chat with my moots if they reach out and I'm happy to interact with them...but I don't really approach them and I go through long periods of time where I miss their content because a) I'm too busy to be on tumblr, b) my fixations have shifted and I don't wanna interact with stuff that's not centered on them, c) I'm feeling particularly tired and/or angry and I'm off tumblr because I know I'm going to lose my temper and lash out at someone.

I try to be nice to people and I try to keep an open mind and I really try to let people do their own thing even if it bothers me. But the thing is?

I'm not a super nice person. I have a minimal tolerance for bullshit and I have a problem with general fandom fuckery. (Like across all fandoms- not just here)

I get angry at fandom and I get angry at my dash and I get angry at myself and, honestly, my presence in fandom is more like a stray cat that wanders in when they're bored or hungry and leaves when I grow bored or irritated by whatever drama is going on that day. I'm selfish and standoffish and, honestly, jealous of a lot of things and people too.

They're not awesome qualities to have in a moot. They're not awesome qualities to have as a person. I try my best to maintain a more positive vibe but, really, it's not always strictly genuine.

And the thing is? It gets tiring trying to pretend that I'm not rolling my eyes at every post on my dash. I'm too old and tired to pretend to like people that get on my nerves. I don't follow those people. I try not to interact with them. I blacklist their tags and I'll block them if they really get under my skin.

I monitor my circle and I do it in a way that's strictly selfish. I refuse to follow someone who sends me into a rant every other day and I'll absolutely dump a mutual if seeing their posts starts to get under my skin. I've done that before and, honestly, it hurt to do that because I did enjoy their content a lot and I thought that we could actually be good friends....I just didn't enjoy them or entertain those daydreams anymore once they decided to dump me like a hot potato.

I've been on all the sides of being a moot- bestie moots, enemies to friends to moots and back to enemies, casual headcanon exchanging moots, the moot that's been dropped because the other found more popular friends + more clout, and the moot that's dropped the other because they started shit talking about things that are Extremely Personal to me and I wasn't about to deal with that.

It sucks being a moot with someone only to find out they've dumped you. And, honestly? That's a veryyyyyyyyy likely possibility when it comes to being moots with me? Which I hate because people don't deserve that and hurt feelings suck and I don't want to upset anyone if I don't have to. But the thing is? I have to monitor my experience on tumblr or I will spiral and become miserable and nuke my chances of being welcome in fandom during an inevitable, public meltdown.

And that means....well that means that things just have to happen naturally?

(God, I'm so sorry I'm rambling but I'm trying so hard to explain myself)

Like. If you come to me and you're like "I wanna be mutuals with you. I wanna be friends" then I'm going to recoil- especially if we've never interacted before. For one, something like that is supremely uncomfortable to me. How can I say no without coming off as a bitch? It feels like a trap- even if it isn't, even if it's purely just enthusiastic and sincere- and I'm a prickly, hermetic person by nature who literally talks to one person irl on a daily basis...who also happens to live with me and is my boyfriend.

I don't seek out friends. I don't seek out relationships. I don't try to make something happen when it comes to people? It just...idk man I have to let it happen naturally or eventually it's gonna blow up in my face because I will feel restless and trapped and resentful. (Even if you literally do nothing wrong. Please understand that I'm a kinda shitty person, I work two jobs and I'm always stressed, and I'm bipolar and unmedicated. Please understand that I try and I'm not using these as excuses but just stating facts- my mental and emotional state are often shit and I lash out at people once my stress becomes too much...which is often these days. That this has happened to me before and I know myself and I'm trying to be truthful and not set up any rosy expectations just to disappoint anyone)

Like...if you still wanna be a moot, all I can say is to just...interact with me? Maybe I'll check out your blog and vibe with what I see????

But there are layers and layers of why I'm Not a good moot and there are layers and layers of reasons I'm not going to follow just anybody just because I'm asked.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to end this and I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it's too much explanation or not but...

Just...don't have any expectations when it comes to me. I'm making no promises to anyone and I'm trying to be transparent.

I won't be mutuals with someone just because they want me to be. It's gotta happen naturally or it won't happen at all.

And I am sincerely sorry if it causes hurt feelings or if it comes off as rude or mean or bitchy or something. Rejection fucking sucks, you know?

But I have to look out for my mental and emotional health and, unfortunately, that means setting boundaries and limits and monitoring my experience very carefully.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry. I know this is probably super unsatisfying and I'm deeply apologetic over it.

But...yeah. That's that and I'm going to shut up now.

(Sorry)

[oloreaa]

2020 WRAP UP!

Okay here we are!! Hopefully I have not missed anyone because I truly dont mean to "snub" anyone, so here is a list of people who I feel very thankful for knowing this year, where I started out on tumblr, you have been truly bright presences and I love you very very much.

First off here are some people I don't know very well (or at all, but I admire their work) but I think have excellent vibes and I would love to get to know better/let them know that I appreciate them very very much:

@maxlordd @ollypopp @opheliaelysia @honeymandos @concussed-to-pieces @pikemoreno @huliabitch @mitchi-c @hansoulo @browneyes-djarin @cinewhore @max--phillips @din-damn-djarin @ezrasarm @dishonouringmycow @keeper0fthestars @dadolorian @dindjarindiaries @cobbvader @leo-moon @justrunamok @frannyzooey @miranhas-art @keethus-arts @hdlynn @zeldasayer @qveenbvtch @softpedropascal @marvel-and-mischief @datmando @stubbychaos @di-kut @themangolorian @vercopaanir @mcfreakin-bxtch

and so, so many more that I cannot think of right now (and tumblr doesnt let me tag more than 50 people)

And for those I know a bit better, under the cut❤:

@binggrae-banana-milk : You're the first person I really talked to on tumblr, and I cherish every single one of our interactions so much. The one time where we had watched Revenge of the Sith together and had a full on BLAST, it was incredibly fun and every time we just kind of scream at each other in dms it's so funny, how we both are freaking out simultaneously!! Also before you I never really keysmashed and now it's a part of my vocabulary lmao, ily!!!

@mndalorians : Cass. Oh, my dear Cass. Listen, you have brightened up my year by SO MUCH. I don't even want to know how many tens of thousands of words our chat consists of dhdhdh, from discovering cultural differences with each other, to yelling about the same stuff, to planning fics and telling each other of our ideas. We share a brain cell and we are literally the embodiment of Zwei Dumme, ein Gedanke. If I'm glad for anything in this year, it's starting to talk to you. You're literally one of my closest friends and I never hesitate in hitting you up, from absolute crack to heartbreak, you have the range, darling. I love you so much, you don't even know❤

@agirllovespancakes : Iris baby, oh my god. I don't even know where to start. The way how we just started talking without even KNOWING how we started talking is the funniest thing, EVER. This friendship came out of fucking NOWHERE and I am so glad for this. I can always count of you to stand by my side in so many things, and you're the other chaotic one in Tender Roasting, I adore you. The way we just go "kskssksks" and "dhddhdhdhd" at each other for literally hours because we are just losing it over each other is amazing. Ich hab dich so lieb!!!

@adikaofmandalore : Holy shit, Adi, the only thing I can think of now is that you literally deserve everything good and sweet in this world. You're one of the kindest souls on here, and I've never met anyone who is as sweet as you. I don't even know how you are real. Everytime we talk I'm literally smiling so bright, your enthusiasm for Ven is unparalleled and the way we just go bonkers at each other with ideas?? You're so supportive?? And your razor sharp wit and sarcasm is AMAZING to witness in action. Your writing is incredible and incredibly underrated and your stubbornness is admirable. You manage to power though Everything and that's so impressive. I love you very much!!!

@teaofpeach : lee babe DAMN I've never met anyone who is as funny as you. Like whenever we are talking it's just, it ends with me cackling and having the biggest smile on my face because you made me laugh so much. Such a bright presence on my dash and your TAGS are always sending me. So witty and smart and your vocabulary is unparalleled. Filthy hoe but I love you for it. You taught me so much tumblr lingo just by texting me and I always feel Educated afterwards dhdhdhd I love you so much and I trust you with every single one of my attempts at Spiciness

@mandolovian : DEV BABY my love from tomorrow🥺🥺 the time difference of HELL had never stopped us from being hoe af in the dms lmao, I vividly remember one of our first convos spiralling into thots SO FUCKING FAST that was the funniest shit ever. It's always fascinating to see what you do on the other side of the planet and I admire you so much. Like, you TRULY have big brain. How do you remember so much??? Like all these conditions and facts and like WOAH I just feel like a plankton next to you💀💀💀💀 ily SO MUCH

@goldafterglow : iris babe omg okay first of all you're the prettiest bitch I've ever seen, such a nice presence overall, you have GALAXY BRAIN, your writing style is so smooth and full of descriptions that are so amazing to read, like its. Amazing. You have unfortunately witnessed several times where I typed faster than my brain would proceed and I ended up saying the DUMBEST shit and you make fun of me because of it. Like bro I dont even mind bc any interaction with you is worth it🥺🥺🥺🥺

@chibi-liz05 : Liz oh my gosh I just love you so much. We don't talk as frequently anymore but you just have a place in my heart, you're incredibly supportive of everything and you're always there for me, no matter for what, offering thoughts and conversation about everything. You're such an absolute sweetheart and a sunshine person and I just adore your positive attitude and the way you talk, you're literally the sweetest. I love you very very much and consider this me giving you the biggest forehead kiss

@pisss-offf-ghostt : you're one of the first ones who read my fics when I first started out, and your continued support for everything I write is absolutely AMAZING. Like I enjoy every single one of our conversations and discussions, and I feel completely safe to hit you up for anything, no matter what. You're an incredibly kind and hardworking person and your heart is just so big, I cannot even comprehend it. It's amazing how much you care, how you interact with people on here, and I care for you SO MUCH. Love you🥺❤❤

@maybege : you're literally the KINDEST PERSON around?? And we are weirdly connected through cosmic forces whenever it has something to do about Lebkuchenherzen lmao, its uncanny. We have started out in fics in such a similar way it still makes me chuckle, like we experienced the same amount of cringe lmaooo, and now you're just here, blessing us every day with your amazing content, being the most organised person I know, and just an absolute SWEETHEART. everytime we write I have such a big smile on my face, and you BET we would have found each other irl if it wasnt for Corona🤡🤡

@kiwi-the-first : oh kiwi you're such a nice and thoughtful person, whenever I feel down youre the first one to send asks and nice messages and cute photos to make me smile and that is absolutely adorable of you🥺🥺 you're such a vocal and passionate character and its absolutely amazing to see you in action, how you go all caps screaming in the dms. You have a special part in my heart and its just so nice to be able to talk to you

@corvueros : MEG we are literally sharing one (1) brain cell and they are oscillating between "horny", "yelling at each other in all caps" and "oh my god that's such a good idea" 💀💀💀 whenever we talk I have the biggest smile on my face and I absolutely ADORE you, you're the absolute best. Such a sweet and thoughtful and excited person who can spew the filthiest thots in a manner of 0.1 seconds. You're such a bright person and I could not imagine not being able to talk to you bc you're so supportive and just the literal BEST, I LOVE YOU BITCH, I AM NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH

@blacksquadron-rougetwo : okay Hailee you have absolutely excellent vibes. Like you're always so bright and sunshiny and just so damn fucking gorgeous I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. Filthy and tender at the same time, the QUEEN of soft horny fics like woah, and the way you talk is just so wonderful to witness. Your reaction pics are always on point and no matter what the topic is our convos always end up in all caps screaming at each other how unfairly hot the character of the week is lmao. You're such a sweet being and I am grateful for you!!

@over300books : holy shit Estela I have not known you well for a long time but you're such an incredibly supportive person with the funniest of commentary, everything you write makes me smile, ESPECIALLY all those comments in the docs!! I completely trust you with all the writings I manage to finish and everytime you help me with it you make me see my work with new eyes. You're just so damn amazing and sweet and super cheery I just love you so much. I am so grateful that we are friends and I am SO PROUD of you for finishing your degree!! Like girl WHOOOO!!!

@anxiety-riddled-mando : listen not only are you an absolutely fantastic writer, you're such an amazing person and someone who just screams "safe" at me. Like I completely trust you with my thoughts and even if we are not talking directly very often (our communication is more reblogging and telling each other in the tags how much we love them lmao) I just absolutely adore you and I just am so incredibly thankful that we stumbled across each other!!! You're such a bright presence on tumblr and every single one of your works is so incredibly amazing!!

Aaaand that's a wrap!! Thank you so much for making my year brighter, I love every single one of you so so so so so much. Happy new years!!

Love, Rea

[mcfiddlestan]

Fic Writer Questions

I'm bored and this was in a note on my phone from forever ago, so I must have been tagged at some point. Apologies to whoever tagged me. 🥴

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

52. Though, I used to have a few more. I deleted a few fics some years ago bc I hated that they were just sitting there unfinished. I was going through a particularly brutal bout of writer's block that affected both my fic writing and my RP writing.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?

720,782. And I was stressing about a 30-page thesis. 😂 (which ended up being over 15,000 words)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I started writing fic in 2000 with *NSYNC, Christina Aguilera, and Backstreet Boys fics. I stopped writing a bit around 2004-2007 (because of a stupid boy) and picked it up again in 2012 after reading some awesome Cherik fics and wanting to write my own FrostIron College AU when I read one that was good, but kind of disturbing. I think I write for one fandom -- Marvel -- but, like different factions of it. FrostIron and WinterFrost mostly, with a dash of Stucky, ThunderFrost, DashingFrost, and WinterIron.

4) What are your Top 5 fics by kudos?

Black Light Special (WinterFrost) - 628 kudos

Can I Bum A Ride? (WinterFrost) - 425 kudos

Empire State of Mind (FrostIrom) - 420 kudos

Dark Side (FrostIron) - 398 kudos

A Worthy Collection (FrostIron) - 309 kudos

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I really do make an effort to respond to every single comment, even the not-so-nice ones. I want people to know I've seen and read the comment they took the time to post, so even if I just thank them for reading and commenting, I respond.

6) What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Considering it features two -- count 'em, two! -- major character deaths, it's definitely Empire State of Mind. Though, I'd argue Dark Side is a pretty close second.

7) What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably Ghosts That We Knew. It was the final fic in the trilogy that is the Picture Perfect Series. It follows Loki and Tony from when they meet in college and ends 30+ years later.

8) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

No, not really. And I rarely, if ever, read them. There's no real reason behind it other than I've just never come upon one and thought "ooh I need to read that."

9) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. I got a lot of hateful messages after I completed Empire State of Mind. People were really angry at me for killing off two major characters. I mean, a lot of the messages were "omg I hate you but I loved this!" kind of vibe. But there were a few that cussed me out and called me names for writing it.

I had some chapters of a Fools Rush In FrostIron AU posted a while ago, in which Loki was a female, the only daughter in both the Odinson and Laufeyson families. Following the storyline of the Matthew Perry/Salma Hayek movie, Loki meets Tony Stark in a bar and gets pregnant from a one night stand. Anyway, I got a lot of messages telling me that Odin's misogyny and mistreatment of Loki was unrealistic -- even though I had literally modeled his behavior after the movie that inspired it. 🤷🏽

I have some prompts done for the 100 Ways to Say ILY writer's block challenge and for one of them, I borrowed the storyline from an episode of Will & Grace when Will's father dies of a heart attack after they have a bad argument where his father basically admits he wished Will wasn't gay so he could have had an easier life. In the epsiode, the fight starts because Will's parents gift his baby blanket to Grace, who is pregnant with her ex-husband's child. Will takes offense, they don't understand why bc he never mentioned wanting children, and a fight ensues. Similarly, in my fic, Frigga and Odin offer a pregnant Natasha (his BFF) Loki's blanket. Some readers did not like this and did not understand why I would write it. In another prompt, one that was literally how my last relationship ended, got some harsh critiques. Those ones hurt especially bc it was such a personal experience I wrote about.

And I actually got into a fight -- like a screaming match -- IRL with my best friend's boyfriend at the time. One of my bestie's friends asked about my fanfiction and I gave them the gist of one of my stories where Loki has a brief relationship with Sif that results in a child and later reconnects with Tony. Later on, Sif offers to be a surrogate for Tony and Loki and eventually births three more children for them. Bestie's boyfriend could not fathom why a woman would purposely get herself impregnated and then give the child away. I tried to explain that this was a thing that a lot of women did IRL -- and some don't even use their own eggs, but the eggs of a woman who cannot conceive; Sif used her own eggs so that all four children were half related (two by Loki, two by Tony). But he just did not believe me and told me I must not be a very good writer. Worst night of my life.

10) Do you write smut?

I was just telling @teadrinkingwolfgirl the other night how when I first started writing fic I did not write sex scenes. It was always inferred or glossed over. When I started writing again in 2012, for FrostIron, it was my first time writing more detailed sex. I cite Jackie Collins as my smut-writing mentor. I've written almost exclusively M/M smut.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Which is like the best thing ever! A couple of my older fics have been translated to Russian. I have one *NSYNC fic that was made into an audio fic. And someone recently messaged me on ff*net to ask to translate as many of my fics as they can to Spanish. :D

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, not technically. I've gotten a lot of prompts and ideas from friends and mutuals, and I started reformatting my WinterFrost RP with my ex from 2014-2015 into novel form a while ago. That's tecnically the only thing I've written with someone else and published.

14) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have two that will always, ALWAYS, have my heart and attention. FrostIron (Tony Stark/Loki) and WinterFrost (Bucky Barnes/Loki). They are the two ships that I write the most, read the most, and seek out fanart for the most.

15) What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Probably The Flame. It's a fic that starts out ThunderFrost (not related; Asgardian Prince Thor semi-rescues an imprisoned Jotun Prince Loki) but eventually ends up FrostIron. It's the only fic I've ever written that features Loki with both male and female biology. I have a few chapters done but I haven't worked on it in years.

16) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I write realistic relationships. And I think my dialogue is also realistic and easy to grasp. And I put a lot of humor in between all the angst and hurt.

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I get too detailed with background. I just reread my Picture Perfect series (which I do like once a year), and there are literal paragraphs of background that in Google Docs is like pages and pages. But I want to make sure people understand my characters! LOL

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I'm a big fan of it. I featured a lot of Norwegian in the Picture Perfect series. And French. I think as long as it flows with the storytelling and it's not forced on the characters it can be really cool. It should be natural. I always leave a translation list at the end of the chapter or explain in-text what was said. Which I think most authors I've read do.

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

The Backstreet Boys. LOL. Don't judge. I started writing my own fics after discovering BSB fanfiction written by an author named Mistress Lynz. She wrote a lot of fics about bloodletting, but I really enjoyed the fics where the guys were hooking up with each other behind the scenes, LOL explains why I write mostly M/M now. 😂

20) What's your favorite fic you've written?

They're kind of like my babies so at different times different ones are my faves. But if I really had to pick one, I would say Stay With Me is my favorite. I got some of the most amazing comments on this story from people that found meaning and themes in the story that I didn't even realize I'd put in there. It was one of my first WinterFrost fics I'd posted and the response was more than I could have asked for.

And now I have to tag people! @teadrinkingwolfgirl @incredifishface @incubigirl @rabentochter @marvelswinterfrost and whoever else feels up to it.

xoxo