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fisheito · 8 months

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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakurei #replies #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival rei

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gifti3 · 5 months

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Im in such an obey me mood today haha

other than "pls dont tell asmo about that",,,, i have questions about these freaking vegetables (im putting under the cut since im talking about food and bad eating habits/diet related stuff)

im assuming they would have to be mixed with other regular ingredients to prevent the hunger but it sounds like ppl would use them as the main component in a dish or just eat them by themselves

So does all of it get digested? No leftovers (waste) comes out the other end im guessing? is it like a magic type thing?? it has to be right? Cause if not...ur body will take the calories needed to replace the ones burnt, take the nutrients, and the rest will just get tossed out

And since it doesnt make you full, like wouldnt it be way too easy to overeat this type of thing? so you could accidentally end up making urself go to the restroom more often :/

Ig if it gives u the nutrients u need that itll be useful then. So maybe its a 'heres ur macros for the day' type dealo? but u still have to go eat an actual meal or make sure u mix it with other stuff tho

#ik its just a silly joke type text but i do like to take these things and overthink them and apply them to real life #its just interesting to me cause ik the answers will never come so its like a brain exercise or something #eating disorder tw #just to be safe #but yea..................#im gonna just go off in the tags cause im just wondering about when this would be useful cause regular veggies are the better choice to me #ig that could be useful in a very specific circumstance where you went over calories but still need certain macros..but like...its veggies #going over for some for veggies isnt that big a deal imo but if ur mostly concerned with deficit then ud cut anywhere u can...#u could also like use it to lessen the calories in the dish overall and maybe add more of the ingredients u actually like #tho i feel like it would not remove that many calories in the first place #and ud probably wouldnt even get to add that much more of what u actually want in comparison #and then...ur gonna be hungry cause u took away a big volume of the food which was the regular vegetables #but for me when im making food the last thing im worried about in my dish is the freaking vegetables #im trying to add more veggies and less of everything else ._.#i feel like this would make more sense if it was like a sugary treat #especially if this is supposed to be a thing that helps with cravings #u get to eat and enjoy the thing without consequence (for the most part) while eating a more restrictive diet #tho it would probably be even more dangerous than the veggies when it comes to overeating...#idk how the demon biology works but it seems about the same to humans but just more durable #and with asmos eating habits...i can already see in my minds eye whats gonna go down #it just seems like a bad idea all around to tell him about this!#obey me nightbringer

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cowboykakashi · 1 month

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Hi hi does anyone have ….. a pdf or Google drive folder or anything for erha English that they could send my way 👀 I’m still gonna buy the books as they come out I’m just going to actually die if I gotta wait for ???? Another 2 years for the rest of them to get published 😭😭🙏

#HELP ME PLEASE #I’ve been counting down the days til vol 6 and now ur telling me we’re only half way through ??????#I CANT DO THIS BOSS I NEED TO EAT THE BOOKS PLEAAASEEEEE #the husky and his white cat shizun #erha he ta de bai mao shizun #erha #2ha #shut up satan

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piplupod · 7 months

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mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.)#and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama''#number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that!#im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP.#i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.''#and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/''#mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!!#i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!!#i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!!#i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!!#or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

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baffledapple · 17 days

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once again i am being subjected to "educational courses on generative AI" (lengthy advertisements that the higher ups want us to watch so they can say that we are trained in AI)

#it's a contact year we need to show that we spend a lot of tiem not only maintaining this stuff but also learning and improving the produc #we provide #they never define what they mean by AI or how the AI actually works its driving me insane #whoah this adobe ai can generate an image for you and insert it into the image you have have without learning photoshop #yeah but HOW. where are these images being pulled from? what methods are used to produce this shit #HOLY SHIT: most programmers dont actually spend that much time programming. they actually spend a lot of time in meetings. helping coworker #reading emails. reading documentation. HELLO???? YES??? THOSE ARE NORMAL THINGS TO DO???#yes attending meetings is annoying but the solution is to fucking reduce the amount of meetings and ensuring that meetings are efficient #NOT TO ADD AI????#the stupid fucking AI building half ur code isnt gonna reduce the time spent looking at documentation!!!! u can't trust the AI to be accura #to be accurate so ur gonna have to go to the documentation anyway!!!#“u can just code not worrying about syntax blah blah” so writing psuedocode??? doing a top down approach to get the big idea #and then write the little stuff later???#im so fucking livid this is SO DUMB #literally all the shit they mentioned in passing sounds actually useful instead of the generative AI bs #no i dont need a little guy to write my code for me #but a guy who checks my syntax? that suggests i look at a particular function from the library? that sounds useful!!!#“if i ask this thing how to do X it will tell me how with steps!”#Okay so will the documentation???? hello????#omfg this guy conviently skipped over the part where the AI gave a WRONG ANSWER #bro i can read the screen it did NOT accurately describe the game #“have it generate the game for you” the point of the little shit is to learn how to do stuff so you can apply it to the big shit #god im just so enraged #mr supervisor is this a good use of company resources?#you are billing t he client for ME learning ai bullshit #sir you having me sit through hours of learning the newest buzzword concepts. is this a good use of 8 hrs the client pays for me to be here #chit chat

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mars-ipan · 2 months

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i do love my family very dearly but the internalized ableism the men in here struggle with is. so much

#marzi speaks #it’s worse with my brother but he’s doing more to actively work on improving that #my dad however has very subtle internalized ableism that i don’t think he recognizes is there #which is. fun #like earlier. either last night or this morning i don’t remember #i was talking to him about how while ideologically i have nothing against accepting needing help and things like that #in practice it’s very challenging to adjust to being disabled even temporarily. and that if i do end up with a diagnosis that’s gonna be #a lot to handle. both mentally and just with the lifestyle changes i’ll have to make #and he makes a bit of a face and goes ‘i wouldn’t quite call you disabled. i’d just say ‘ill’’#and i just sort of look at him. and i blink. and i go ‘i am physically Un-Able to do things i am normally able to do’#‘i can’t walk long distances at all. i can’t sit in chairs for too long without causing pain’#‘i’ve spent the last 24 hours staring longingly at my computer because i want to draw but am currently Not Able To’#he didn’t argue with me but i can tell he was still unnerved by the idea of picturing his daughter as disabled #also like . illness and disability are not mutually exclusive? several disabilities are or involve chronic illness #i shouldn’t be surprised though. i mentioned considering starting lexapro #and he went on his ‘you’re an adult and it’s your choice in the end but i wouldn’t recommend it’ spiel #(he’s anti-psychiatry bc he doesn’t like the idea of breaking the brain down into smth so purely physical)#(and also doesn’t like the idea of someone being dependent on pills their whole life)#(which i’m giving him some slack on rn bc he is a just-got-clean recovering opoid addict. so)#(btw before any of you say SHIT abt my dad he took his pills legally prescribed for chronic pain and did not abuse them)#(and even if he DID that would give nobody a right to make a moral judgement on him. ok cool)#i then reminded him that my mom takes anti-anxiety meds and they really really helped her #and he just goes ‘true.’ and moves on #king u got some shit to unpack #it’s fine if u didn’t want to start antidepressants when it was recommended to you meds aren’t for everyone #but like come on now. u don’t gotta be so fundamentally against it when literally ur own wife who you adore takes psych meds #anywho my mom handled me making the disability comment much better. she was basically just like ‘ur fear is totally understandable’#‘u have a good support system we’ll help you through it’#which. thanks mom 👍 that was very kind of her to say

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toestalucia · 2 months

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anyway,,,,,,,,,

these r also great. theres always more panels than i think where vyrn is on grans head/shoulders LOLL

#stardust speaking !#i have proofreading to do but i am doing everything but that #which is not great. for a lot of reasons. i rly need to sit down & get all this stuff done this wknd #anyway i was looking thro akiras icons too. still completely obsessed with how they drew akira during the scene where figaro asks them for #dance. like the way akira ends up flinching when mitile calling for figaro brings them back to reality makes me soooOOOOOOOOO #CANT WAIT FOR THE ANIME assuming it rly is pt1. i want the entire budget on that scene. as well as shinos on the balcony. and rutile #telling off nicholas #the shino scene too.... 'shino where r u going' 'im going home' 'oh ure going ho- HOLD ON?!?!?!?!?!' -> akira holding onto him to make sure #he cant pull out his broom to fly away kjasbjkdbajksd #akira makes my head spin. 'ill make sure to become a great sage in order to help you get every castle you want'. to this kid they just met.#in a world they just arrived in.#mithra ch is soooooo close...................akira who read the previous sage write the 'maximum danger' note about mithra. proceeds to do #very silly things around him soooo fast #mithra in general is so fun cuz of the way he speaks so politely but hes.....mithra #srry for akira posting on the wrong blog. u can imagine how much gran posting i do on akira

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insecuregodcomplex · 2 months

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me looking at things that give me incredible anxiety and slowly processing that it’s connected to my fear of abandonment

#tldr im telling myself im letting one of my best friends down because i can technically help her but not exactly #so i sort of fibbed to simplify it and put myself first #but like oh my god I immediately go wow ur a bad person for doing that and your best friends will stop caring about you and hate you #and i logically! know that isn’t true. but anxiety! is bad and illogical!#anyway I am ok i just need to like go burn this anxious energy off #need to outrun the voices making me scared yktv #v talks #personal

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toastsnaffler · 2 months

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was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

#wild ik so many ppl getting married meanwhile im over here struggling to convince myself my friends even care abt me or want me around #pathetic to admit but i cant even fantasise abt someone loving me bc im too insecure n emotionally unstable #my mind just shoots the idea down like whoa. unrealistic. ur incapable of expressing or receiving affection in any way that matters #no matter how badly u want to... and even if someone did well u wouldnt believe them most of the time #gotta get out of the fucking labyrinth first i couldnt inflict this shit on anyone i cared abt #but it makes me so desperately sad sometimes i dont know how im ever going to get out of this ive been trying for years and years #and im a little better at it snd i dont feel like this all of the time i know it just comes around and itll pass again #but im tired of being in so much emotional pain so frequently. and shouldering it so alone. theres such a disconnect between myself and #others and i dont know how to bridge that i don't know how to stop feeling so isolated and unwanted !!!!!! im trying so hard #it doesnt even bother me w relative strangers in my life like i dont get insecure at all around them i like meeting new ppl #bc theres like. no expectations i guess. like ik they dont care abt me personally and idk them well enough to do that either #and its fun but it doesnt satisfy needs that i have like i need to feel close + connected to ppl i need to care abt them + feel cared for #but as soon as i do start to care abt ppl it gets all tangled and i end up getting rly badly hurt over and over. thru no fault but my own #bc im constantly alienating myself and bc i struggle so much w shit like physical affection which is frustratingly rly critical for me!!!!#it wouldnt fucking matter if i didnt like or want affection ik some ppl are fine without i wish it worked like that for me #but nope instead i have to be constantly messed up over my complete fucking inability to express myself in any form #and ik it makes everyone around me so uncomfortable so it just becomes self reinforcing and eventually they drift and leave me behind #and i just do that over and over and over and every time ill tell myself ill do better ill try harder and itll get easier and someone will #and it happens again and right now im at the stage where the abandonment fear is starting to kick in which is awful n paralysing #and usually a precursor to actually being abandoned ehich is always my own fault bc i start behaving so erratically out of fear or defense #its self fulfilling and im trying. im trying so hard not to let it overwhelm me again and not to start acting out and freaking ppl out #and im coping with it okay i think but just hurts me a lot its all internal my rejection sensitivity is gradually ticking up and up #and argh!!!!!!!!! and some days im okay and some days its like this and i dont know what todo when its like this im so tired and in pain #its not even that bad today tbf. once im done typing this to get it out ill be able to do smth else and distract mysrlf for a bit #and then calling friends later too so exposure therapy innit. but itll be fun and i love them but i will probably also feel very bad after #or even possibly during but thats okay ill still manage fine im not going to let it interfere i dont want it controlling my fucking life #i am going to have a nice time and be okay despite it all. even if i do have to fucking battle this every day forever #and even if it stops me living my life to the extent i want and feeling as ok as i want i just have to come to terms with and be ok w it #and im not going to be!!! a fucking asshole abt it!!! i dont want to hurt anyone else thats the most important thing no matter how i feel #thr rest is all secondary and ik i cant help a few little bumps here and there but trying hardest to keep it separate its not negotiable

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chiistarri · 4 months

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what if instead of messaging me in the middle of the night about your stupid fucking girlfriend and your stupid fucking problems with her you actually act like my fucking friend and message me like how you message everyone else in our group

#bye ignore my venting bigger problems what fucking ever #im sick of her ass she only messages us for us to help her with her fucking girlfriend problems like we arent even friends atthis fckn point #and i love her shes so funny whatever but god shes literally the worst because i just want to be friends i dont fucking care ab her goddamn #selfish ass gf thats shes obsessed with. be obsessed tell me about it but cant we be friends ab other stuff too #we used to be her 'favorite friend' cause we shared so many interests and we hung around what fucking ever but fuck that right #get a gf and just use us to help better yalls relationship without even telling her you're sharing her private msgs w us huh yeah sure #what fucking ever im so done with this bitch and i cant even get my contacts out cause i have long nails and im js poking my eye #AND SHE WOULD NEVER BE SORRY if our friendship fell apart she would tell everyone i was jealous of her gf or what ever i literally dont care #she was like an older sister before i dont get why getting a gf would have to change shit like ok good for u but what ab us #what about me its not even fucking fair like is it that hard to keep up w ur friends?? NO its fucking not #taking me so long to write a post bc im still fucking helping her with her stupid dumb selfish idiotic gf omfg #just BREAK UP i literally dont fucking care just leave her if she makes u unhappy its literally online tf is she gonna do to u nothing omfg #why am i the one being punished when shes the one with the stupid dumb gf that hates her and herself i dont fucking care i js want m friend #and i cant tell any of our mutual friends cause she dont do that to them its js me so itd be like im being dramatic #and like shit i guess i am but i dont care atp thats all she ever talks to me ab like ok i get it i helped u but stop jfc #but if i said that we'd never talk again bc what fucking ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cause im just dramatic whatever #if u cant resolve these simple problems of communication on ur own then maybe u shouldnt be in a relationship idk js my thoughts! die #sry the 1 person who knows what xactly i mean is asleep and im so tired of getting late night msgs being like hii can u help me SHUT UP #id love to help if we were actually still fucking friends but we arent so js leave me alone bruh #post #nickpost #will delete in morning my mom keeps telling me to put my phone down bt i need 2 say smfh 2 some1 #i hate change i hate slight differences in my normal day to day i hate everything i hate not having smth to rely on i hate change i hate it #sry im alg now im js sick of her ass js leave bruh #nimbhe my moms yelling im tired anyway i need to js isolate myself forever no problems if im on an island alone #living my best life in the shade drinking idk water or whatever and just talking to myself bc who even needs friends right!!!!!!!!#its 11:11 make a wjsh #adding more cz whatever im deleting this ltr anyway #its so clear where i stand with everyone cause its always close but not close enough friendly but not friends and i guess its the same w her #bye im out of tags etc whatever nobody matching my freak ever never comfortable in any friendships

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kuromi-hoemie · 1 year

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bleh

#having a bad morning tbhhhh #i envy the ppl who grew up here :| it's so much easier to make friends when u went to school w ppl and grew up with them #i have been here since 2016 and was just trying to get stability the first 3 years financially/housing-wise.#and when i was Finally ready to start making friends the pandemic happened.#the closest thing I've had to friends were made thru my ex and when we broke up they ghosted me.#to this day i have not made a single genuine friend and i can't articulate how hurtful that is to think about.#and i get excited when i might have a new friend but do the audhd balancing act where i tone myself down so i don't scare them away #but then idk. maybe i just come off as uninteresting or indifferent. idk what the perception of me is bc no one ever tells me anything lol.#i just get ghosted a lot 😭 it's Literally so much easier to find ppl to fuck than it is to find friends. idk why this is so hard but it's #frustrating. everyone has lukewarm interest in me at best and i have so much to offer when I've opened up to someone.#and i can't rly talk w ppl about how I'm feeling. and i can't do anything but keep trying over and over or else i WILL fr have no friends.#it's just. like. I'm not a normal person w normal circumstances and interacting w people who already have a ton of friends and stuff #going on is hard. there's like this burning desire for companionship in u as the person NEEDING it that no one else has #bc they already have it yk? ur just kind of a footnote on everyone's day/week. u don't have that kind of relationship where #u can Just Go Over or just have ppl over. ppl can hang like once a month maybe. i hate it here but also don't want to leave :|#everything is great except trying to make friends. idk i just wanted to vent lol I'm done ranting and might just delete #but this feeling wells up inside me and some days is so hard to ignore 😭#'i have been here since 2016 and don't have a single genuine Friend' what the fuck 😭😭#ik that wfh doesn't Help but i wouldn't be able to get anything done in person in my position lol. plus it's less about where ppl are #and more about how relationships (dont) develop past a certain point.#i have someone I've been talking with probs longest out of everyone so far and we're gonna hang this weekend #but I'm also perpetually afraid I'm gonna scare them away or something and be back at square 1 😭#and idk im afraid that might translate into seeming shy or something and I'd hate for them to lose interest anyways ._.#but idk how much of that is valid vs my brain just being mean to me and paranoid over my other experiences.#anyways... yea thnx for reading if u did. i feel crazy 😮‍💨

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milo-is-rambling · 2 years

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Now why the hell do I have such intensely realistic dreams I had to wake up and stare at the ceiling for like ten minutes to make sure I was alive.

#me 🤝 having dreams where everyone is mad at me and also I'm having a near death experience and everyone is still mad at me #literally had a dream that I was riding a bike and got hit by a car and woke up in the hospital then felt like shit but was okay enough and #then in my dream I was like hmm I wanna go to a gas station to get snacks bc that's why I was biking in the first place and so I drove to a #random gas station and came back to my car after getting snacks and there was a fucking mountain lion inside my car that immediately pounced #on me and started trying to bite my face and no one would fucking help me at all #it was terrifying and I literally like argued with my mom in the dream and she said all this personal horrible shit and didn't care at all #that I was hit by a car and then I went to the gas station and millie was there and she was mad at me for not going on some trip with her #and her family even tho I was like nah dude I was like JUST hit by a car this morning bro I don't wanna go to Connecticut with u and ur fam #and even the gas station clerk was mad at me for some reason and he tried to charge me a hundred dollars for a pack of icebreakers and a #box of strawberries like dude what the fuck is wrong with my brain but I remember every fucking detail of it like why is my brain so evil #my brain will be like hmm time to dream... let's think about exactly how it would feel to almost die once and then be mauled by a big cat #like why in my dreams do I feel everything that happens to me. why did I feel my broken nose and he blood dripping down my face and the road #burn across my body why are my dreams like yeah u can smell the mountain lions breath as you're trying to hit it with ur purse and it's like #drooling on ur face cause it's trying to wrap it's jaws around your entire head #like bruh. hey brain. did I really need that today? did I really need two near death experiences in one dream? and also everyone hates me?#was that really necessary brain? my brain also had the audacity to set the dream in New Hampshire during winter. why would I be riding a #bike in the middle of winter and then be slammed into the road and then be attacked by a lion what message is that trying to tell me exactly #when I woke up I literally touched my nose to make sure it wasn't broken thats how fucking real my dreams are I hate it #anyways I'm mad at my brain for having hyper realistic dreams where I'm in pain physically and emotionally

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lilgynt · 1 year

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obligatory dad i will beat the shit out of you if you put ur hands on my mom moment

#personal #just broke up a fight then put my dad down for bed with a whole lecture #but definitely a moment #i think forcing them to let go of each other was more emotionally than like #more emotional for me #idk sternly talking to my father #anyway i didn’t tell him but i did tell my mom next to him in a normal speaking voice #if he gives you any issues call me if he touches you yell and i’ll fucking take care of him #then emphasized to him again my mom needs to sleep for both their sakes or else she’s gonna attack him #he cannot talk to her touch her he doesn’t have to sleep but he can’t bother her #and then left but i heard him talking to her so i came in and was like #why do i hear you talking to her? no talking no touching. let her sleep. if i hear it again i’ll come in again. then left #oh and mentioned how my mom has to be awake in four hours and i have to been awake not to long after we need to sleep #anyway i don’t like talking to him like that bc like #a lot of this isn’t his choice his brain is actively fighting him and making him like he is #and good news we’re getting someone to stay with us sunday and physical therapist coming in tomorrow to help dad #a lot of this isn’t his choice but there’s only so much my mom and i can do 24/7 #i hope my mom knows i’m not kidding about that like #not in a weird way but also ma’am he’s just some guy who beat me as a kid most days and ur my mom for better or for worse #like that’s genuinely not asking a lot #i mean kinda fucked up old dude with dementia but like i know him and he had it coming and if he puts his hands on my mom etc etc #and i mean mostly i just want him safe and comfortable i don’t want to upset him or hurt him #but like if he tries it honestly probably won’t even be hard to just keep him down #he might still have a decent amount of muscle mass over so can’t ignore that but also he’s an elderly blind man #and i outweigh and am taller than him #like not gonna say oh easy peasy cause he does have a decent amount of strength left but pretty sure i can keep him down or kick his ass

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jooyeone · 2 years

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@ the rose anon 🌹

#not posting ur ask like you asked but i also want to keep it with me forever so i hope this is an okay enough way to say thank you :')#from the bottom of my heart thank you so so much. i've been reading your words over and over again #and i can't tell u how much hearing this means to me and how warm and lovely and sweet your message is 😭#you'll be happy to know i've gone down a rabbit hole w/ the rose and it's REALLY becoming a problem #woosung specifically is becoming a problem. his VOICE. his cute hand mannersisms. his SMILE-#i've been listening to and watching sooo many live performances in the span of less than 24 h it's embarrassing DHDFHSJD #and ty but! busan jimin has done enough he needs to sit in a corner for a while 🤚#but he definitely helped and YOU even more so :') ❤️#sending you so much love i hope you're having an amazing week so far darling! xx #answered #anon

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starlooove · 24 days

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Thinking abt the animal motifs we could’ve had 💔💔💔

#Im on the foxes today wow #anyways the family dynamic for them I made up in my head by taking a mile #and especially them vs the family dynamic in my head for the bats #It boils down to the bats seeing their tricks lies and hypocrisy as righteous and correct ESPECIALLY compared to the other bats who are #hypocritical self righteous liars for the WRONG reasons (bc they’re keeping it from them specifically)#vs foxfam knowing they ain’t shit and doing it anyways - almost playfully as a competition or challenge between eachother #who can outfox the others? some might argue this dynamic is crueler but. well #for the bats it’s infuriating to have an argument bc I’m right bc ur wrong bc I’m right bc u don’t get it bc ur wrong etc.#and It’s a lot of MY results speak for themselves but no u don’t get to say that bc ur methods were shit. my methods? well my results…#for the fox it’s a lot of arguing the methods whether they results panned out or not #it doesn’t matter if it worked I did it this way FOR YOU! and you can’t even appreciate that?? no wonder I didn’t tell u. if I had maybe #you’d have helped me make it work but since I can’t trust u it didn’t so really u need to grow and change #sorry i love toxic family dynamics 😞💔#it’s not like this all the time I’m in a terrible mood

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isildheir · 10 months

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Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

#The guy was Empathizing with a capital E.#God hold me back cuz I LAUGH at them. Abuser all weh u..abused me..cuz...u called me stupid and annoying when I wouldn't let u leave me #after ur 30239929292th attempt #Youre abusive cuz...u made me feel so unloved when you kept trying to leave me! :'(((#LMAOAOOA yeah if thats abuse then slap my ass and call me sally cuz ill always try to leave you #You fuckin insane psychopath. constantly putting damn words in my mouth and telling ME what i ACTUALLY mean #you dont care about anything i have to say. you need to be the one slighted to justify why you feel so offended 24/7.#dude u wanna be a fucking victim so bad then fuckin be my guest u fuckin miserable sick sad sack of absolute dog shit #always calling me a liar and putting me on the podium to state my case infinite times till you hammered me into gaslighting myself #to support your interpretation. go to hell.#you are chronically miserable for a reason. and you will NEVER find reprieve in that. EVER. just as you deserve.#YOU made me start therapy because of the CONSTANT confusion and emotional trauma i endured with you.#YOU made me cry all the time at work.#YOU gave me chest pains and difficulty breathing. just seeing YOUR DAMN NAME on my phone gave me panic attacks #YOU did so much FUCKED UP SHIT to me and you NEVER ACCEPTED ANY REALITY BUT ME HURTING YOU ON PURPOSE #you literally tell me 24/7 i dont care about you and i would drop THOUSANDS of dollars on you #AND FUCKIN WATCH UR SHOWS 3 TIMES IN A ROW #AND CALL AND TEXT U EVERY NIGHT. SIT AND HELP YOU PREP FOR JOB INTERVIEWS.#I DREW UR DAMN OC SO OFTEN HE PRACTICALLY BECAME MY MOST DRAWN CHARACTER #I DID SO MUCH TO SHOW U I CARED. BE IT GIFTS. MONEY. BE IT TIME. BE IT HELPING IN #UR VTUBING CAREER U WANTED TO START.#BE IT SPENDING NIGHTS SOMETIMES TILL 6AM JUST MAKING SURE YOU'RE OKAY.#I JUST. DID. SO. FUCKING. MUCH. IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU DIE. SUFFER. BURN IN HELL.#I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I WILL NEVER STOP HATING YOU.#I GAVE YOU SO MUCH. I WAS HAPPY TO TOO. WHAT A FOOL I WAS. NOTHING I DID WAS EVER ENOUGH. YOU ALWAYS HAD TO FUCKIN COMPARE #OR GET JEALOUS WHEN I SPENT ONE SECOND WITH ANYONE ELSE #U NEEDED TO GRILL ME FOR EVERYTHING #ASK WHO I WAS WITH #NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING JUST IN CASE IT WAS SOMEONE YOU DIDNT LIKE #UR FUCKIN ABSURD. UR INSANE. ROT IN HELL. FUCKIN GET TORN APART DOWN THERE. I HOPE YOU SUFFER. I WANT TO WATCH. I WILL LAUGH.

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