#if while she’s out and hunting and she hears Joel’s voice telling her what to do

[skoulsons]

The same hand that beat the QZ soldiers face in is going to hold her face so unbelievably gently when he finds her during winter

im gonna throw up

[miller-lookforthe-lite]

steps: part two

joel miller x f!reader

rating: M

words: 7k

tags/warnings: unplanned/(unwanted?) pregnancy, thoughts and discussion of abortion, UNSOUND MEDICAL PRACTICE/ADVICE, description of injury, canon-typical violence, hurt/comfort, not proofread i'm literally so sorry - please heed the warnings, as these may be triggering to some! MDNI

part one | read on ao3

There are no doctors in Kansas City. There’s nothing left of the QZ, in fact, besides a group of raging militants who have taken over and are hunting for the very two boys you happen upon. Henry and Sam don’t have much, but they have a relentless ambition, and Joel must see that as reason enough to go with them.

As you journey through the tunnels underneath the city, you get sicker. It’s clear to you now that this is not some nightmare you can wish away, not like one of your silent demons. This is real, and here, and now, and if you’re not pregnant, you’re dying. You’re not sure which would be worse.

Ellie finds out while she’s kicking a soccer ball with Sam, because Joel lowers his head to inquire to Henry about a pregnancy test and is a lot less fucking quiet than he ought to be.

Her head snaps towards them and you scowl at Joel, burning his entrails with your eyes, picturing his slow demise, then feeling even more sick at the prospect, taking it back, praying the Deity didn’t hear you think it so it won’t come true.

“What the fuck?” Ellie exclaims, her head whipping to you. “You —” Her head swings back to Joel almost cartoonishly. “And you? I thought — ew, gross, but holy shit — I thought Tess —”

“Ellie,” you warn quickly, trying to jump ahead of Joel’s ire, because that definitely also happened and you know he’ll never tell you why or why you happened after.

“Enough,” Joel snaps, and the room hangs still. Even Sam, though no one has bothered to bring him up to speed, can tell that the tension simmers low, and he abandons the soccer ball in favor of curling up by the far wall.

Joel turns back to Henry. “You know where I could find one or not?”

Henry shrugs. “All kinds of shit stashed in here, man. Take a look.”

Ellie’s gaze is burning into your skin, but when you turn to look at her, you only see a quiet understanding in her eyes, a Knowing too old to live in a body so young. She plops down in the seat next to you while Joel and Henry are off rummaging through the bins on the far side of the bunker, and her huff troubles a strand of her hair. You reach forward to tuck it out of her face. Her mouth is set into a grim line.

“Is that why you’ve been sick?” She murmurs, her voice betraying her fear.

Your heart clenches. You didn’t want her to have to feel the way that you were feeling. She shouldn’t have to shoulder it, shoulder you, but you don’t know how else to be with her but truthful. Her face so open, so honest, begs nothing less in return.

“Yeah,” you say, and she reaches out to grab your hand. You blink back sudden tears that choke your throat and crowd your lashes.

“It’ll get better then,” Ellie says, knee bouncing. “The sickness. I heard that it gets better after a while. And you won’t have to yack every time we think about cooking beans. So that’s a plus.”

You can’t help but smile, still feeling hot and slippery with shame, but hope shines through, minuscule and persistent. “I hope so,” you whisper.

—

When you leave the motel, Ellie’s the one to lead the charge. You follow her, leaving Joel gazing down at the graves he just dug. Henry and Sam are under those piles of dirt, and you can’t help but think that it’s some kind of curse that surrounds you, the same deadly spirit that befell Tess.

Ellie thinks it’s her fault, a strangled confession pulled out of her that she knew Sam had been bitten but tried to save him. You know that feeling, know the despair it leaves behind, but you’re not quite sure how to reach the place she’s gone to.

A plastic-wrapped stick sits in your pocket, has for days, but you’re too scared to do more than make sure it’s there, palming reassurance. Henry had slipped it to you before he died, not saying a word, but there was kindness in his gaze. There was a care you didn’t know people still had for other strangers. Your heart aches.

Along the road, it’s been hard to find food. Joel had shoved what he could from the bunker into his bag, but there wasn’t much in the way of nonperishables - the Kansas City militants had already taken care of that. He let you have the last of the crackers, but you can’t help the pangs of hunger that wrack through you late at night, curled up in a ball on the ground, your back to some tree or to him or to Ellie, one of them always wrapped around you, always watching. You can’t help the dread that follows either, that you swallow like the air that feeds you these days.

Joel feels it too. You know he does, but he’s better at hiding it. He’s acting strange lately — delicate — not something you’ve ever known him to be. He guards you when you’re sleeping, but can hardly look at you in the daylight. Where he’s started to let his eyes wrinkle at Ellie’s teasing jibes or stupid puns, he slams his lid shut when you deign to speak your piece. He offers you a hand to help you over a ridge, and always, always throws an arm in front of you when he thinks something sinister lies ahead, but then swiftly pulls away like the boil of your blood burns him too.

After six days have passed, you go behind a tree and pee on the stick. It’s not hard. All you fucking do is piss these days. What is hard is remembering the hands that touched the test before you - a dead man’s fingers before they pulled a trigger twice, him and another child. Is that the price you pay? One child’s life for another? What kind of sign is that — what kind of life is this? What kind of world to bring a baby into?

Two lines glare back at you. You muffle your sob into the heel of your hand.

—

Your teeth are clattering against each other, your violent shivering overtaking any autonomy you once had over your limbs.

You’ve set up camp underneath a rock overhang, and your breath comes out in puffs. Ellie’s pressed as close to you as she can get between the layers of your coats, the extra flannel that Joel had wrapped around her hanging loosely off her puffy-coated shoulders.

You’re in Nebraska, as far as you can tell, wide open plains stretching as far as you can see, the foothills offering little respite from the biting prairie wind, but you take what you can get under the boulder’s meager shelter.

Joel hasn’t stopped moving since you decided to set up here; he’s tearing up jerky pieces, distributing them to you and Ellie and only pushing one between his lips when you glare, he’s coiling some rope, he’s pushing a tarp under some stones to provide some cover from the ceaseless wind. You wish you could bring yourself to get up and help, but you don’t know how much help you’d be, not with the illness still permeating your veins, your trembling uncontrollable.

When Ellie figures out that she can’t fix it no matter how she lends her heat to you, she speaks up where you couldn’t.

“We need a fire,” she wheezes to Joel, eyes flicking to you even though she tries to hide it.

He sniffs, doesn’t look up from his tarp-maneuvering. “It’d blow out,” he says, raising his voice to be heard over the wind.

Your desperation pushes you to chime in. “We could at least try. Under the tarp, or maybe the rock would shield it enough —”

“It won’t,” Joel snaps, and he still won’t look at you. He clearly intended to stymie your words, but now that you’ve started, you can’t stop.

You get up from your spot next to Ellie and wrap her firmly in the blanket from your pack. You stumble on shaky legs over to where Joel continues to fiddle, continues to fuss. “Let me just fucking try, Joel, we’re freezing, we can’t—”

You reach for the flint that you know is in the bag he holds. Your gloved hand brushes his, layers of cloth and unspoken and Too Spoken between you, and still he pulls away like he’s been burned. You freeze, watching him quickly shift to a different task, turning his collar further up against the wind.

“Fine,” he mutters.

You don’t know why it hurts so much to curl up next to the fire that night.

—

When you stop to make camp a few nights later, you decide you’ve had enough of this, this awkwardness and separation that your revelation had caused you. After Ellie’s been asleep for an hour, her soft breaths quiet in the dark, you push Joel behind a tree before he can protest, grab his face with your hands and pull his mouth to yours before he can remember that you haven’t spoken, haven’t talked about it, have only worried in silence. He grunts, the sound vibrating pleasantly against you, before pulling back, only a little, the slightest breath of distance. His eyes are locked on yours, so close that you can’t see straight, can only see brown brown brown, can only drown in it.

“I don’t…” he says softly, one hand on your wrist and the grabbing for your waist, turning you, pushing your back into the rough bark, but so gently, so gently it prickles and scrapes and wounds.

“Why not?” You say like you haven’t noticed how he’s been treating you differently, like he doesn’t know what to say to you, like you aren’t the same person you’ve always been before all of this. Like you aren’t praying praying praying that he won’t make you beg.

(He doesn’t.)

—

It’s dusk when you stumble upon a still-smoking pile of ash, the crisp wind spiraling it up to the conifer fronds above, dancing its warning like a specter. It makes Joel stop in his tracks. His shoulders, ever broad and imposing, are tense.

He spins on his heel and almost knocks right into Ellie, who trails mindlessly behind him.

“Dude!” She protests.

“We’re goin’,” he hisses under his breath, grabbing onto the handle of her backpack to drag her along with him.

You have to pick up your pace to keep stride with him, bounding through the trees. “Joel—”

“Don’t,” he snaps, releasing Ellie’s bag. She remains next to him without issue or question. “We gotta circle back to the road. Ain’t safe if there’s more people out here.”

“The road?” Your skin is warm, your breath coming short, but you keep your voice quiet as his, startled to stir the crunching leaves beneath your tired boots. “Joel, we got off the road ‘cause there were people —”

“I know why we got off the road.” His countenance is fierce, his resolve steely, but he still won’t look at you.

“It’s safer with the cover,” you insist behind him, a furious ire bubbling in the back of your throat. “Here we can — we can —” You’re gasping for air now, and Ellie notices, her steps faltering. She tugs on Joel’s jacket, wordlessly. You have to stop and brace your palm on the rough bark of the oak that shelters you, your vision narrowing to a tunnel of blurred, black edges and brown sodden ground.

You don’t know how he got there, but he appears in front of you, one hand gripping your bicep and the other pulling your own hand to his heart.

“Breathe,” he commands softly, and you try, you really do, but you know he sees the truth of it.

You’re fading, ability dulling quicker than an overused knife, and you can feel the panic crest in your mind, the sting of liability pricking at your consciousness.

“Sorry,” you struggle to say. He just takes an enormous breath, the cavern of his lungs expanding and exhaling underneath your hand. You follow the mountain of it, the in and the out and up and down, and it makes it a little easier to see again.

You drag your eyes up to meet his, shame and exhaustion omnipresent parents in your expression. He looks blown wide open, sad, maybe worried, but mostly so, so certain.

His grip on you tightens. “Let’s stay in the woods,” he whispers his acquiescence. You feel no kind of victory. You want him to argue with you, not the dark circles printed onto the skin under your eyes. That can’t be all you are now.

Joel tenses suddenly, eyes flicking from you up to the edge of the tree line. You think he’s about to grab you and Ellie and run when you hear a muffled shriek from behind him, his broad form blocking your sight. He whips around to reveal two women, one with golden-red hair and one with a knife to Ellie’s throat. Ellie struggles and swears and writhes. You freeze.

The golden-red-haired woman has a revolver pointed at the two of you. You can’t see Joel’s face, but you know that he’s furious. You almost hope it’s with you, hope it’s because you caused him to turn his back, to lose his focus. You want him to feel the way you feel.

“Quit it,” hisses the taller woman that has a hold on Ellie, like she’s speaking to an incessant fly rather than a young girl at her mercy.

“Let her go,” Joel says lowly, calmly. There’s no questioning a tone like that. “Then you and I can talk like adults.”

“We don’t want trouble,” the golden-red-haired woman responds smoothly, her fist around the revolver begging argument. “Just hungry. Just lookin’ for food.”

You don’t even think about whether you should, whether Joel has a plan. You keep your eyes on Ellie as she continues to squirm. She’s afraid, but maybe not as much as she should be. Her confidence in you crushes you. You dart forward to Joel’s bag, unzip it from where it rests on his back. You pull out the measly offerings - two more pieces of jerky wrapped in flaking paper. An old health bar. Some roasted acorns you had made that taste like bitter ash. You throw the food at their feet. Joel doesn’t stop you.

The woman holding Ellie narrows her eyes. “That’s it?”

“That’s it,” you plead. “You can check.”

You shoulder off your own, lighter pack and toss it to them. Joel glares at you, his fingers clearly itching towards his own gun tucked in the back of his pants, but you glare right back. Not with Ellie’s throat under a blade, you try to tell him with your fear.

The golden-red-haired woman bends down slowly to rummage through your bag, revolver still pointed your way. Joel shifts his weight while the woman looks down and she cocks the gun without even looking up, clicking her tongue in admonishment. Once she deems your supplies as paltry as you had claimed, she stands up, kicking the bag over, and slipping your meager offerings into her pockets. “Fine. Elaine, let her go.”

Elaine’s eyes flash like she’s considering an argument, and you try to calculate the distance from your hand to Joel’s gun, from the bullet to the spot between Elaine’s eyes, and the speed her lithe wrist would need to flick the knife across Ellie’s life.

Your action is decided for you when Elaine relents, shoving Ellie out of her grasp and forward to the forest floor. You’re there to catch her in your arms, her gangly limbs knocking painfully against yours, her furious demeanor tempered by your trembling.

You pull her back with you towards Joel, scrambling on the ground, and look up to see he’s drawn his gun. “Get movin’, then.” He bares his teeth at them.

Elaine moves to back away, but the other woman hesitates. Elaine nudges her shoulder with her own and hisses. “Madison.”

Madison looks between you and Joel as he helps you and Ellie up like she’s trying to decide something. Ellie seethes with derision and you have to clutch her to keep her from springing back towards her captors, this time on the attack. She only settles when she realizes she can’t lash out without hurting you, her fury still spitting but her face turning into your collarbone, probably more for your sake than her own. You rest your palm on her head. Joel’s got his free arm wrapped around you, too, sandwiching you and Ellie tight to his side.

Madison seems to decide and opens her mouth. “You know the way to Jackson?”

Elaine halts her retreat, brows furrowed and eyes clenched.

Joel holds his gun steady. “Get out of here.”

Madison continues to speak like she didn’t hear him. “Settlement out in Wyoming. My brother was headed there with an old army buddy. Heard they take people —”

She cuts off at the click of Joel’s safety. His finger rests on the trigger. He doesn’t say another word, just bores into her with eyes of molten lead.

Madison nods, and before you can blink, she and Elaine are gone. You’d almost believed you’d dreamed them up if your stomach didn’t turn at the thought of your reserves, now depleted.

Joel doesn’t let either of you move for a good ten minutes, his gun still raised and his arm still around you both. Ellie’s breathing has evened out and she turns her head up to look at you. You run a hand through her ponytail. “Okay?” You whisper. She nods, lips in a hard line.

You let her burrow herself back into you and look up at Joel. His thoughts race too fast to hide from his expression, and when he finally lowers the gun, he steps forward to grab your pack and swing it over his own shoulder.

His jaw grinds itself to dust as he stares at the ground, and it occurs to you what he might be agonizing over.

“Army buddy in Wyoming? Joel—” Your breath catches before you can really ask him. He looks up at you with hardened eyes and nods.

You let out a shuddering exhale, still rocking, rocking Ellie in your hold. The word rolls acidic off your tongue. “Jackson.”

—

It’s Jackson you’re headed for when the first shots ring out. You’re following the faded lines of a dusty map, hoping for the best. It’s brought you to a small town, several wooden buildings lining what must have once been a comfortable main road.

It’s not even that your guard is down, either — Joel had been antsier than ever after the run in with the women, especially since Ellie’s life had been on the line. She grumbles against his insistence, but you think she’s secretly appreciative of this mangled care, this devotion that no one before has extended to her.

They still get the jump on you, though, because they’re trying to get the jump on someone else. You glean somewhere during the shootout that it’s two opposing groups, both vying for the others’ resources. One had been holed up in the last building in town, the last one Joel had to clear before giving the signal. The other had been over the hill, peering down, waiting for their moment to ambush. They had thought Joel, ransacking and searching, was their target. It probably hadn’t mattered that he wasn’t.

You hear the shots before you know any of this, before you see anything that happens, so you follow protocol and grab Ellie and duck down behind a crumbling outpost, pushing her head under your cover. You peek over to see a torrent of people flooding out of that last building, the one Joel had been headed towards. Their guns are pointed away from you, up towards the peek where the last shot echoed from. Their shouts are incoherent, and your eyes search frantically for Joel. There’s no sign of him by the building, but there is a blooming red scar on the ground where he had been standing.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and spin around, knife raised high. It’s Ellie who stops you, grabbing around your middle, and swearing under her breath when she sees who’s startled you.

Joel’s managed to sneak around the back of the houses towards you, clutching his arm to his chest. Blood pours from between his fingers. His jaw is set as solidly as stone, and he jerks his head back towards the foothill you came from. He wants you to sneak back unseen, you’re sure, but you can’t focus on anything but the red viscous that flows from him, the life force, the cellular beat, and you feel it in you, too, you have that same blood growing in you, in your body, in your stomach, eating you alive to keep itself growing —

You reach your hand towards him, and he jerks back. All you can see is your hand, frozen in the air. He and Ellie must exchange words, something, but you don’t hear, the pounding of your eardrums too raucous, the rushing of your own tremulous blood overwhelming. He turns and crouches in on himself, hunched in pain or stealth, you don’t know. He runs on sure and quiet feet back towards the trees. Ellie only goes when you start behind him, like she’s not sure you can be trusted to follow.

—

You make it about half a mile up the side of the mountain before Joel’s using the trees to keep himself upright, the heft of him only supported by the roots at your feet. It’s Ellie who ends up stopping him and sitting him down, back against a bristled trunk. You waste no time falling to your knees beside him, whipping off your pack. Your hands shake as you riffle through it for the tweezers, for bandages, for anything that might help him. If only he still carried around oxy.

You pull out a small glass bottle of amber, stomach-churning liquid. Joel finds it in himself to shoot a judgmental glance your way, before his eyes are rolling back in pain. He keeps his arm clutched to his side.

“What?” You hiss. “It’s not like I can drink it anymore, of course I still have some.”

You flip the cap off as quickly as you can and pry his good arm away from the wound. It’s still bleeding profusely, an ugly, obscured fissure in the perfect planet of his skin. He makes a high sound in the back of his throat when you pour the moonshine over the wound, but his lips stay pressed tight together. When you’ve got it as clean as you can manage, you grab the tweezers. You can see the metal still buried in his flesh plain as day. You’ll have to get it out.

“Can I help?” Ellie flutters anxiously at your side, her hands lifting and retracting with directionless adrenaline.

You nod towards your bag. “Grab the bandages, then cut them into three strips for me.”

She doesn’t waste any time, and you turn back to Joel.

His skin is sallow, and sweat crusts his brow. You reach up to wipe some away with your thumb and his eyes flutter. “I’m gonna take it out.”

He nods, breathing heavily, expression unreadable. “I know.”

You search his eyes for any kind of direction, anything that would help him that he’s too reticent to admit. When you find nothing but grim determination, you grab the strap of your pack and offer it up to his mouth. He understands, and takes it gingerly between his teeth.

Your hands won’t stop shaking as you level the tweezers with the hole in his arm, so you balance your forearm across his chest. His great, heaving breaths push you up and down. You place the two tapered points of the tweezers as best you can on either side of the bullet, having to dig through some flesh. Joel keens under you. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, over and over, a mantra that pulls you forward into the next several minutes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

It takes several attempts, and probably a whole lot more damaged surface area than appropriate knowledge would have allowed, but you’re able to finally wiggle the bullet out of its warm home. The silver pelts to the ground and bits of Joel’s muscle, along with a whole torrent of blood, flow from the pulsing circle. Ellie’s there with the bandages and you throw your whole body weight into pressing them against his arm. His eyes roll into the back of his head, you think he might be shrieking through the fabric at his teeth. “Just have to stop the bleeding,” you tell Ellie, or Joel, or maybe the wind. “It’s okay. It’ll stop. I’m sorry.”

Eventually, it does, or at least it slows. You remove the soiled, rust-colored fabric from Joel’s arm and wrap it up with the remaining bandages, but not before pouring more of the alcohol on it. He sobs, eyes squeezed shut, and Ellie clutches on to his uninjured shoulder, her eyes wild with fear.

“No sepsis, Ellie, that’s why,” you pant, breaking off another portion of the bandages with your teeth to secure it. His breathing calms when he seems to notice Ellie pressed up against him, her trembling fingers pulling the fabric from his mouth and pressing her face to his chest. His good hand holds her to him, clinging with a strength you’re relieved to see remains.

You go to wipe your filthy hands on the grass when you notice a spare bit of Joel’s gore on your thumb. You crawl as far away from Joel and Ellie as you can manage before spilling everything in you onto the bushes. You dry heave long after your stomach is empty.

—

You lie awake several nights later. Your back throbs against the unforgiving forest floor, your blanket wrapped around the top of you instead of padding the ground. Ellie snores softly on your right side, the tender puff of her breath singing through the frosty air. You wish you didn’t begrudge her the rest, a better person wouldn’t, but no matter how tired you get you can never seem to quiet the racing of your mind when the sun goes down.

You turn onto your side to see Joel lying next to you, flat on his back, eyes wide open towards the night sky above. He looks almost comical, bundled up to his throat and arm crossed across himself in an awkward approximation of healing. He spares you a brief glance, raising an eyebrow but saying nothing before he turns his gaze back to the branches that bow above you. He’s keeping watch best he can, but his injured arm is still in a sling, which means he can’t wield the rifle properly. He’s to wake you or Ellie if anything happens. You all know you’ll probably wake in the morning curled together like a three-pod cocoon, the greater threat to your person the chill of the wilderness.

You see your breath crystalize in front of you, even in the dull silver light of the moon, but you can’t see most of his face. He turns it from you, shrouded in shadow, like he does the rest of himself. You never know what he feels, never know where you stand. He had said he didn’t blame you, but it’s hard to believe him when he clearly harbors some kind of sorrow.

You don’t know if its the faux anonymity of the dark that gives you the courage or the delirium that your baby secretes into your bloodstream, but you almost feel inspired to ask him. Instead, you open your mouth and stick your whole entire foot into its waiting orifice.

“What did you think about abortions? Before the outbreak?”

The harsh of your whispering disturbs the tranquil blanket of night. He doesn’t move, doesn’t answer. His eyes don’t even shift to indicate he’s thinking about it.

“Because,” you rush to cover your clumsy footsteps, “you were from Texas. Everyone always said — I mean, I’m sure there were people everywhere that—”

“I don’t know.” He saves you from yourself, his cool, clean baritone soothing your spiked and frayed nerves. The baby pounds its fists against your insides braying like it had heard the word you uttered. You feel sick.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“No,” Joel continues, turning his head to look at you. “I mean, I don’t know because I don’t think I paid enough attention to that kind of thing. Sarah’s mom never even — considered — so I didn’t — ” His voice catches in his throat and he looks away.

You knew about Sarah, but not from him. Tess had whispered to you one putrid Boston night about his past, about Texas, about a daughter that hadn’t made it, which she only knew about from Tommy, but you’d never heard him say her name. You feel the scorching lick of shame about your heart, not having even considered what your current state would mean to him. One child, stripped away so cruelly from him, and here you were implying you’d thought about doing the same to another, but then again — maybe that’s what he’d want. To nip it in the bud, to end the pain before it could start.

You take a shuddering, bracing breath, but your voice still comes out meeker than you wish it would. “My sister told me about it. She said there was a place you could go in the QZ, some woman in the Fireflies. I don’t know how,” you admit, “but I kind of wish I did.”

“No,” he snaps, and you shrivel. “It never works out, especially not now. It would just kill you.”

You acquiesce. It makes sense. It seems too good to be true, a relic of medicinally sound days-gone-by.

“Sorry,” you say again, at a loss for anything more.

“Will you quit?” He huffs, and he surprises you, reaching out his good hand to latch onto yours. “Enough apologizin’.”

You can’t stop yourself from pulling his gloved palm even closer to you, into your chest, curling around it like you’re supposed to want to curl around this thing inside you, this parasite that eats away at you, this child you’ll evict from its warm, safe home, whether you want to or not.

He notices your reticence, turns on his side to face you, to coax your bile out of you.

“I feel sorry, though,” you whisper, blinking furiously, finding it hard to look right at him. “I don’t want it. I think I hate it, and I ought to feel sorry for that, right? That’s so awful, Joel. I’m so awful. But I’m so — I can’t —”

You shudder, and it’s like turning off. The tears you felt like crying halt their rise to the surface, and your breath slows. The blade of the hurt dulls, pricking instead of slicing, fading. It’s hard to hear him when he responds, hard to feel the gruff hand he lifts to cradle the back of your head. It only comes back into focus when he insists.

“Hey, listen to me.” He shakes you a bit, and with Herculean effort, you lift your heavy eyes to meet his. His expression is intense, pinched, and so, so beautiful.

“You’re not wrong, you’re not bad. I know this is hard. I know,” he shakes you again when your eyes start to glaze.

“Joel,” you breathe.

“Listen,” he says, fingertips pushing into the firm of your scalp, and you notice faintly that he’s abandoned his sling, that he’s pushed his pain aside to reach for you. “You’re doing better than you think you are. I see it, I see you fightin’. You’re not failing, darlin’. Not on my watch.”

You feel yourself nodding, not knowing where the internal command came from. “I know, Joel.” How do you tell him? How can he not understand that you trust him, just not yourself and your rotten, black heart?

He exhales harshly, searching your eyes for doubt, for something other than this flatness you feel settling over you. He gives in when he can’t find it, but his hand keeps rubbing your head, and you lean into it, relishing in the prick of his calluses. “Okay,” he says, then closes his mouth, opens it, shuts it again. His indecision pulls you back to the forest, back into the body you now share with another.

“What?” You venture, and his eyes alight, enthused to have found you in there.

“You ever been to Texas?” He says quickly, and he doesn’t blurt things, but maybe he did just then.

A startled laugh escapes your lips. The world shifts into focus, and the world is just his eyes, boring into yours. “Probably not. I don’t think we travelled much before the outbreak. Boston’s all I remember, besides a few summers in Maine.”

He lets out a low whistle, eyes flicking over to Ellie to make sure his sound hasn’t bothered her. She remains still, burrowed in the confines of her dreams. “Pretty different from Texas, then,” he says, and you laugh again, realer this time, easier.

“Colder,” you agree, “Even in the summer. We always had to bundle up next to the coast, even in July.”

“Nice though?” He prods into your memory with an iron poke, trying to keep you awake, keep you alive. Guide you ashore. The granite slopes wade into your mind, crashing waves and evergreen needles, a creaking Cape and damp, mossy mornings.

“Yeah,” you agree. “Really nice. Pretty quiet. Not many people, mostly just the deer and the gulls.”

His eyes flash, some emotion you can’t name, but it feels like it fits in the still blanket of space between you. “Maybe it wouldn’t have been such a bad place for a baby.”

You think of a child, toddling through the sand, tossing rocks into the water at your ankles. You think of a quiet life in a cove town, small but big enough for the three of you. You think of scribbled drawings on an antique fridge, of fatherly pride and big hands sweeping up a little girl, throwing her over his shoulder. Her lovely laugh peeling through the dunes.

You can’t help but smile. “Maybe you could have built us a cabin or something.”

He grins then, a real, full smile lighting up the planes of his face. You want to reach out and stamp it into your skin, hold this moment, suspend it in simplicity. “Big order for that. Think the invoice would be pretty intense. You plannin’ on compensating the vendors properly?”

You snort, curling his still-captured hand under your chin. “What, the baby’s not enough? Plus, your memory’s shot. Rural real estate isn’t anywhere near expensive as those city slickers liked to run you for.”

“I guess a nine month gestation is payment enough,” he says, and you feign to smack him, beaming.

“Three beds, three baths,” you continue. “One for us, one for the baby, one for visitors.”

He sucks in through his teeth. “Steeper and steeper, these costs. And it’s oceanfront, too?”

“Balsam fir,” you babble, the picture forming so seamlessly in your mind. “So it always smells clean. High ceilings — and a skylight! So we can still see the stars.”

Joel’s nodding, eyes shining. “Okay, okay, you’re right. Whatever you want. I owe ‘ya that much.”

Your heart skips a beat. You feel a giant spark smolder in your chest, so you tuck yourself into Joel’s side to share it with him. He carefully folds you into himself, stretching around the subtle curve of your abdomen that’s recently manifested.

Something unnamable pulses through you, through the bump, over to him. Before you drift off, you convince yourself you might have seen it in his eyes, too.

—

One stormy night in Boston, you’re helping Tess pack a couple of bags. The thunder cracks and you shiver, mind wandering to Katie, to where she might be sleeping that night, if she’s wet, if she’s cold. Tess hasn’t said much to you, her mind on her next move, her next haul; she’s particularly preoccupied with Joel’s absence, you think, but you don’t say anything. When her grim determination sets the precedent, there’s no getting around it. You wouldn’t want to pry, anyways.

She’s the one to finally break the silence. “He say anything to you before he left?”

You had been here at their place earlier in the day, while Joel was packing up to leave. He hadn’t said a word, had just brushed by you on his way out, your shoulder buzzing from the brief contact.

You shake your head. “No, I don’t even know where he was going.”

Tess hums, eyes flitting from the door to the radio against the wall. “Well, whatever. We can’t wait around all night. You hungry?”

Your stomach gurgles in response, carving deeper into the hollow pit of your abdomen. “Yeah,” you say, like there was ever any other answer.

Tess heats up the green beans with ham you had brought that day from your shift at the pantry. The corner of the can is dented, which is why no one cared that it had gone missing, but Katie had started rejecting the dented ones recently, saying botulism was a silent killer the Fireflies couldn’t afford to barter with. Your palms sweat. You’ve eaten so many like that, it’s probably fine. But what if this was the time it wasn’t? What if Tess ingests your poison and you’re the thing that kills her, after all she’s been through?

She doesn’t seem to care, dumping portions into two bowls and leaving the rest in the beat up tin pot on the stove. You both slurp in silence, letting the wash of sodium rush over your gums. You should have thought to add pepper, but getting up again feels too much like an inconvenience, and maybe a slight on Tess’s preparation.

You’re both jolted from complacency when Joel bangs through the front door, throwing it shut behind him and shouldering into the nearby bathroom before either of you can stand up.

“Joel?” Tess calls warily.

A moment of silence, then he responds. “Just a minute.” His voice is strained, slightly raspier than usual.

Tess immediately knows something is wrong, and you know because of the look on her face. “Fuck,” she mutters, and pitches towards the cabinets underneath the sink. She tosses you a couple of rags. “Will you go hand these to him, or get him to sit the fuck down? Where’s the disinfectant?” She starts muttering under her breath while she rummages around and you stand there uselessly, rags flowing limp between your fingers.

“Will you relax?” huffs Joel, emerging from the bathroom and moving stiffly to the kitchen table. You can’t help but gape at his complexion marred with bruising, the ugly discoloration above his eyebrow and around his jaw swelling to a reddened burst. Blood drips down his nose, around the contour of his rugged angel lips, then down onto the rotten floorboards underfoot. He sits, unable to hide a wince and a grunt, or maybe not trying. You’re still frozen.

Tess whirls by you, slipping the rags from your hands and settling next to Joel with a bottle in her hand. She wets one of the rags, then starts to dab at his face. He halfheartedly bats her hand away for a second, until she glares, then relents and lets her clean his face.

“You wanna explain yourself?” She murmurs lowly after a minute. Her voice spurs you into action. You want to help, want to stitch him together with your own sinew, dull his pain with a drug from your veins, but you don’t think he’ll take kindly to it. Tess has clearly done this before; even if she hadn’t, she’s comfortable, certain of where she stands with him. You can’t step into the space she takes up.

“Not really,” he mutters, a childish impatience squirming through him. You feel his own restlessness in your own feet; useless, you can’t just stand here. You turn to the stove, grabbing another bowl from the cabinet and doling him a portion of the sad green beans and ham. You grab the pepper, flaking a kick into his food that you’re sure he’s said he prefers, and turn to quickly set it down in front of him. Tess is done, grabs the rags to toss in the sink.

Joel seems confused. “We’re outta green beans.”

You grin at him, the flesh on your face feeling tight and out of place. “Good thing you’ve got a supplier.” You don’t say that you had stashed him a can extra even above your smuggling quota. You don’t mention it because you know he likes them better than any of the other shitty cans because they remind him of home, because they’re made down south, somewhere, because he can’t know that you know that about him, that you study him like he’s something worth knowing about. You can’t wear your love so openly like that, but you think he might see it leaking out of your porous heart anyways, because there’s a stern gratitude in his nod, in the bite he lifts to his mouth. Tess knows too, and squeezes your shoulder as she walks you out later.

“Thank you,” she says, “for doing that for him. He’ll never say it, but he’s grateful. I’m grateful. You’re a good kid.” Your heart beats faster. You can’t remember the last time someone said something like this, told you you were good, saw the care you hemorrhaged, and gave it back to you. You nod and head back to your own empty place, counting down the hours until you can see him again, until you feel like there might be a reason you’re here.

[dancingwiththedevilallnight]

Angel

Dark!Joel Miller x Reader AU (outbreak never happened) This a second part to a previous fic also called Angel lol

 Warnings: 18+ for smut, minors do not interact, age gap, Joel is in his 50s reader is in her 20s, no y/n, corruption kink, mention of religion, some things take place in a church, stalking, Joel is kind of a perv, unprotected sex, rough sex, pet names, praising, degradation kink. There is also a Chase Atlantic lyric included from their song Church cause I thought it fit there lol. Maybe more so read at your own risk!

Disclaimer: my first language is not English, if you have any ideas feel free to let me know my asks are open

I don’t consent my writing to being translated, or posted on any other social media app however likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. 

 ____________________________________________

Joel Miller continued the hunting of Angel. Taking the stalking and obsession onto a different level. Today he won’t be sitting outside to see her walk to church he will be sitting second row during Sunday service hoping he can drive her home safely. The filthy images in his head started the second their eyes met she sat in the front row like she always does. Joel was admiring her, the way her baby pink dress hugged her curves drove him wild. After the smile, she shot him with a slight wave the sinful thoughts began. He immediately noticed the pink ribbon in her hair tied into a bow to keep half of her hair up. Well, he most definitely wanted to use that ribbon for something else. Joel has thought about this before corrupting his little Angel in front of the altar or taking her to the confessional to hear her beautiful sins rolling off of her tongue. He would ask her “Tell me your confessions baby, what’s the worst?” How many times he imagined her in the confessional on her knees begging for forgiveness after confessing her sins. With a simple answer from him, “Your sins will be forgiven after you work for it Angel” - he said while opening the door to the confessional towering over her. “Open up” - he demanded with desire laced in his voice. Like a good girl, she opened her mouth while sticking her tongue out letting Joel claim her as his. Joel put two fingers in her mouth letting her suck on it while he slowly undid the belt of his black dress pants to pull his briefs down to expose his hard cock leaking precum his angry red tip begging to be sucked. Her eyes widened at the sight of his length “Don’t be scared Angel you wanted to be free from your sins. Look at you such a little slut sucking on my fingers like a good girl” She closed her eyes at the praise while a little blush crept up on her cheeks. Joel slowly pulled his fingers out of her mouth to replace it with his aching cock. He placed his tip on her lower lip, and she slowly stuck her tongue out tasting it. Joel started to put it further and further until he hit the back of her throat her eyes widened she quickly placed her hands on his thighs trying to push him away, but that wasn’t working when Joel had a tight grip on her hair not planning to let go of it any time soon. She was trapped with zero chances of escape. He slowly started to move fucking her mouth he is enjoying every second of it. This was his dream to see her on her knees with tears streaming down her cheeks drool coming out of her mouth dripping from her chin down to her cleavage. He pulled back completely to let her breathe.

 “Mr. Miller what brings you here?” - her angelic voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

 “Hello sweetheart, I’m sorry what were you saying” - he turned to her putting his hands on his lap trying to hide the fact that he got hard at the thought of her on her knees in the confessional in front of him.

 “I asked what brings you to church I never saw you here” - she shot him a little smile that made Joel’s pants grow even tighter. 

“Well sweetheart umm the new pastor is an old friend of mine and you know I just stopped by to visit him” - He said while standing up and walking out of the church with her. He stayed a little behind to see her hips sway a little while she walked when her pink dress rode up a little on her thighs exposing more skin that he wanted to kiss..devour.

 “What about you sweetheart you came here alone?’’ - curiosity got the best of him. As they walked out the bright blue sky turned grey the sun nowhere to be seen the wind swaying the trees left and right making her dress ride up more exposing the white lace panties that drove Joel wild. Her hands immediately smoothed it down she couldn’t look Joel in the eyes due to the embarrassment.

 “umm I came with my um p-parents but they already left for a friendly get-together” - her cheeks were bright pink from the previous events.

 “Can I offer you a ride home?” “oh no It’s okay just call an Uber or wait for the rain to stop” - she tried to protest she could have put a little more effort into it. Joel wasn’t the only one who had dreams. She was no angel, she made people think she was one. Every morning she was looking out of her window looking at Joel going to work in that tight t-shirt that showed his strong arms. All those nights she spent in bed bringing herself to a sweet release moaning his name like a prayer. This time Joel wore a white dress shirt the rain made it stick to his skin, and his lips formed into a little smirk noticing her checking him out. She grew wetter by the sight, her clit starting to have a heartbeat begging to be touched by Joel’s rough fingers.

 “Nonsense I can’t leave you out here come on sweetheart I’ll give you a ride home safe”

 She smiled at the nickname and they started jogging to the car. He opened the passenger door to his truck like a gentleman for her. As soon as he closed her door and made sure no one is around his hand went to his pants to adjust himself. He got into the driver’s seat and started driving her home. After a few moments, he realized she was squirming around and pressing her thighs together. She was admiring Joel the way his arm flexed while holding the steering wheel, the tight grip he had on it wishing it was her neck instead while he was ruining her from behind. The car ride was silent after a few moments they arrived Joel stopped his truck in front of her house the thunderstorm doesn’t seem like it will calm down in a while. 

“Thank you so much Mr.Miller for taking me home” 

“No problem sweetheart anytime”

“Do you wanna come in for a drink? I made some pie earlier you can also bring some for Sarah”

“Sure dear” - Joel had a slight smirk on his face he knew he is going to get her tonight. 

They exited the car like a gentleman he opened the door for her. He sat on the couch while she was getting him a beer and a slice of the pie. As soon as she sat down she was looking at his hands and the way they gripped the bottle. Her thighs pressed together trying to ease the throbbing sensation. 

 "Why are you pressing your thighs together sweetheart? Is the poor little angel feeling needy? -  "No" - she muttered trying to hide the fact that she was so turned on by her hot neighbor who was also her dads pretty good friend. “hmm, Come here bend over my knee. I'm going to slip a hand between your legs and find out myself.” 

Joel grabbed her by the waist and bent her over his knee “Look how pretty you are bent over my knee” - he said while slowly moving his hand under her dress to pull her white lacey panties down her legs. He parted her thighs a little so he can slide his fingers over her slit, he smirked when he felt how wet she was for him. She let out a slight moan waiting for him to do more. 

“Please Joel”

“What do you want pretty Angel?”

“Touch me, please”

“Where do you want me to touch you, baby? Use your words”

“Anywhere please Joel” - He sat her on his lap so he can look at her face.

“Angel this pussy will never be the same after I touch it” - He whispered in her ear and laid her down on the couch spreading her legs while leaning over her supporting himself on his right hand next to her head. He pulled down the top of her dress exposing her tits. Joel started to leave kisses on her neck while playing with her nipples with his free hand. Her moans started to fill up the living room thank god her parents won’t be home all night. Joel started to move down leaving kisses on her chest, he took one of her nipples into his mouth he was licking and sucking on it while still playing with the other one. He took his hands off her boob and then started slowly moving it down where she needed him most. Joel looked at her to see if she changed her mind or not but she gave him a nod confirming he can continue. Her skin burned under his touch. The second his fingers touched her clit circling it she closed her eyes and let out a small moan. 

“Has any boy used this sweet pussy before Angel” 

“No sir, no one, just me”

That answer took Joel by surprise. His sweet little Angel gave into the temptation and sinned. That knowledge drove him wild.

“Tell me Angel what do you think about when you touch yourself” - he was torturing her, he drew slow circles on her clit sometimes dragging his finger to her sweet hole but never sliding in his fingers.

“You, Joel only you, I..I think about you touching me”

“What else am I doing to you in your dreams pretty girl, tell me”

“I think about your hand on my neck, while you are fucking me from behind” - she couldn’t take it anymore she needed him inside - “Please Mr.Miller i-i need more” 

This drove Joel to the edge he needed to be inside her. He took off his belt and pulled his pants with briefs down enough to take his throbbing cock out. He aligned himself with her entrance and leaned over her figure supporting himself on his left hand while the right rested on her waist. He looked into her gorgeous eyes filled with lust and desire. He leaned in for a kiss, oh how long he was waiting for the moment he can taste her lips and finally he slowly started to sink inside of her. She let out a gasp, eyes tearing up at the sting. He can feel her manicured nails digging into his back through his shirt Joel tries to control himself knowing it’s her first time.

“Angel you are so tight” - she let out a soft moan out of pleasure and pain. It was absolutely evil the way she felt around him. She kept clenching around him making it harder for Joel to hold back and not start pounding her. 

“S-stop clenching around me, Angel” - He moaned out as she dragged her hand up to his hair. He took a deep breath through his nose trying not to move.

 “Gotta loosen up baby just a little bit, fuck Angel p-please”. She tried she really did but couldn’t he is so big she couldn’t stop squeezing around him. Joel gave up, his hips betraying his mind he slammed his whole length inside her. She let out a scream and hugged him around his neck, quietly begging him to slow down. She could feel every inch of him, every vein up and down her walls his tip hitting that spongy spot inside of her, his hands traveling down where their bodies connected to rub her clit.

 “Such a good girl, baby you feel like heaven, my pretty girl taking me so well” - she turned her head to the side hiding her face in Joels neck. “Don’t hide from me, baby let me see those pretty eyes” She turned her neck so she can face him. She can feel her release coming, her pussy tightening up, clenching, a desperate feeling washing over her all at once. “Joel I’m so close, please”

“Cum for me pretty girl, cum around my cock, I wanna feel you” - she broke immediately at his words, knot snapping as her orgasm flows through her body. He grunts out as her walls flutter around him slamming in once more he releases inside her. He thrusts slowly a couple times then sits back just watching his cum dripping out of her, sending him into a daze. She winced at the pain as he eases out. He got up to get a washcloth to clean her up. He gave her a soft loving kiss, he knew this wasn’t the last time, he won’t let her go.

“You are mine now baby, all mine, I won’t let anyone take you away from me my little Angel. 

[boopernatural]

could you write a light hearted fic where Joel breaks his ankle and Ellie starts hovering bc she is trying to take care of him but also he's a stubborn bitch who still tries to do things while injured.

“-ve got it!” Joel snaps, shoving through the front door as Ellie trails right on his heels. She’s been glued to him ever since he’d left the clinic with his crutches, watching him like a hawk, demanding he take it easy. He doesn’t know what’s gotten into the kid, why she’s all of a sudden such a damn hawk, but it’s gettin’ on his goddamn nerves.

“You have a broken ankle,” she deadpans, “you’re lucky I didn’t tell Tommy to strap you to a bed at the clinic and just keep you there. You’re a fucking headache.”

“I’m a headache?” he demands as she closes the front door and sets his hunting bag down beside it.

“Yeah you jackass. Your bone is broken. Just sit the fuck down and let me handle shit.” Ellie shoves him lightly toward the couch, insistent, and he obliges. If nothing more, to shut her up for five minutes.

With a pained exhale, he lowers himself to the couch, wincing. He’s too goddamn old for shit like this; the nurse on call at Jackson’s clinic had said it would probably take longer than usual for his body to recover, considering his age and wear and tear. That hadn’t exactly delighted him.

The last thing he wants to do is make Ellie take care of him, again. He still has nightmares about it- hazy and unfocused blurs of memories, fragmented and cold. A stiff, stained mattress on a basement floor, pain so intense that he began to not even feel it after a while, numb limbs and a constant throb in his body. He remembers hearing bits and pieces of her voice; she talked to him the whole time, quiet and concerned and terrified. He’d never felt so helpless, leaving her to save his life, putting her own in so much jeopardy.

He can’t stand the thought of her feeling like she has to do it again. Even here, in the quiet safety of Jackson’s walls, he can’t let her be his protector. That ain’t how this is supposed to work.

“Here.” Ellie’s at his side again, holding out a small vial of medication they’d given him at the clinic. Supposed to help relax him so he doesn’t move too much or get too stiff. They hope it helps the pain too, but most things are homemade salves and tinctures these days, so it’s often a guess.

“M’fine,” he argues.

Ellie scowls. “Joel, take the fucking drugs. They told us you have to.”

“Kid, I’m alright, okay? I’m gonna sit here for a second and then start on that laundry.”

“You’re- no the fuck you’re not!”

“You don’t have to take care of me,” he insists, hoping to reassure her.

“Yes the fuck I do your ankle is broken!” Ellie exhales with frustration and sets the vial down in front of him on the coffee table. “I’m going to finish cleaning up in the kitchen. Don’t touch the laundry.”

Joel glowers in her direction. He ain’t sure when exactly the kid got it in her head that she can tell him what to do, but she’s sorely mistaken on that.

Grunting in pain, Joel shoves himself to his feet, fingers flexed around the crutch. His movement is shaky, weak, but he manages to get himself standing upright. All he has to do is make it up the stairs, grab the laundry, and he’s golden.

Hell, he leveled a hospital full of armed guards by himself. This ain’t nothin’.

Each step hurts, though it’s bearable. He makes it toward the first step and finds his way up. One. Two. Three. He just has to keep going and he’ll be fine. Four. Five.

Fuck-

His ankle gives out and he topples over, scrambling to catch himself before his head smashes into the landing. He somehow manages to break his fall on his shoulder, which sends a ricochet of pain through his body, leaving him strewn out on the steps.

“Joel?” Ellie’s voice calls out in alarm, and before he can figure out a more appeasing way to present himself, she rounds the corner.

“Oh. For fucks sake.” Her hands are on her hips, looking up at him with disdain in her big eyes. She’s shaking her head before he even begins speaking.

“Listen, I-“

“You are so annoying.” Ellie scolds. “Seriously dude, I’m leaving you like this. I told you to stay put.”

He shoots her a glare. “Good. I can get myself up.”

That ain’t likely, but he’d rather dig himself out of this hole than drag her into it with him.

“Oh my god why are you so fucking stubborn?”

Joel’s teeth grit together. “I ain’t stubborn Ellie, I just don’t need your help.”

“Yeah, you’re doing great, half-dead on this staircase.”

With a patient inhale, he replies, “I miscalculated. It happens.”

“Miscalculated. You’re the worst.” She shakes her head again. “Obviously I’m gonna help you up, stupid.” She begins ascending the staircase toward him.

“No!” Joel surprises even himself with the ferocity of his shout, stopping her in her tracks. She looks at him with disbelief written across her face.

“What the fuck?” Ellie demands.

“I-I don’t need you to take care of me,” he stammers, “I’ve got it, kid. It ain’t your job.”

“Joel,” she says patiently, “is that why you’ve been…so annoying? You think you’re like burdening me, or something?”

Her voice is soft, surprisingly gentle for his usually rough kid. He can see the understanding in her eyes, the sympathy.

With a resolute sigh, he responds, “I know how hard it was on you, everything that happened in Colorado-”

Ellie flinches.

“-and I made a promise that you’d never ever have to be in that spot again.” Joel glances down at his ankle with disgust. “I’m not breakin’ my promise.”

For a moment, she studies him, her expression unreadable and ambivalent. She takes her time with whatever quiet debate she’s working on, before exhaling slowly.

“Man, I get it. That was fucked up, back in Colorado. But…it wasn’t your fault, okay? You gotta stop blaming yourself. Shit happened and we dealt with it, both of us. Don’t forget you came chasing after me with a hole in your stomach, dude.”

Joel winces at the memory, eyes still cast down, unable to meet her gaze.

“We’re here to move forward,” she says in a determined, if not a little shaky, voice. “We’re in this together, just like always. That means we look out for one another. Both of us. Let me help you down.”

Giving him no opportunity to argue, Ellie steps up and grabs him under the armpits. With no warning, she heaves him upright with a groan of effort, giving him enough leeway to grab the banister. Together, they right him with his crutches, and she begins walking him down the steps.

With him situated on the sofa, Ellie holds out the vial of medicine. “I’m not asking, I’m telling. Take this shit or I’ll drug your food with it. Believe me.”

Joel believes her. He downs the bitter tasting mix and sits back against the cushions, feeling vulnerable and raw.

“Listen up,” Ellie says, “you’ve looked out for me for the past year. You’ve protected me and taken care of me, given me everything I needed.“

“That’s my job,” he insists.

“Don’t interrupt me, man! It’s my job to look after you too. We’re…we’re like family now, right?”

He doesn’t miss the slight uncertainty in her words at the end. As quickly as he can, he soothes it.

“Yes, of course.”

“Alright then. Stop bitching, sit your crusty old ass down, and let me do the laundry.”

“Crusty?” he demands.

“Yeah, you broke that thing on day two of your overnight patrol. Crusty.” She turns on her heel and heads back for the kitchen, shouting, “I’m making dinner! Hope you like toast!”

“Long as you don’t burn it again!”

“Literally no promises!”

Joel can’t help the smile tugging at his lips as she goes, even though the thought of sitting down while his kid cooks him a meal makes his skin crawl. He reckons she has a point, at the end of the day.

They are family.

[secondaxispoint]

I rlly liked that confessing while joel was sick request could you maybe do smth similar to that but the reader sings for him?

Pairing: Sick!Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: None!

Content: Fluff and piano playing!

Joel's voice is blue and bolded and yours is just italicised. I actually really like this fic. Hope this is alright and thank you for the request!! 

His Song

After a successful hunt, you were riding back to the house you, Joel, and Ellie had been camping out in. You really liked the place. It had actual windows and a clean bed. It also had a piano, one that you hadn’t even touched yet due to the insanity of the last few days. You really tried to get a moment to sit down for a while but Joel had gotten sick and you were too jumpy and anxious to do so.

But he had been feeling a bit better lately so you felt secure enough to go out for food. You hitched your horse in the darkened garage of the house and untied the deer you had hunted. You hoisted the buck off your horse's rear and tossed it over your shoulder with a grunt. You made your way to the crude racks that you had put up yesterday and hung the stag, preparing it for dinner.

Ellie walked into the garage after hearing the horse trotting back in. She saw the dark circles under your eyes and offered to take over. You obviously said that you were fine at first but your resolve quickly crumbled after she grabbed the knife from your hand and shoved you off the stool. You stood over her and made sure she knew what she was doing before she shooed you away.

You walked into the main house to check on Joel. He was in the bedroom, obviously, recovering from the case of bronchitis he caught in Jackson a few days back. You crack the door just enough to peek your head inside. You see Joel curled up against a pillow and snoring softly. You decided to leave him alone so you close the door and walk away.

You catch a glimpse of the piano in the corner of your eye and turn. You thought that there would be no harm in checking out the keys. So you sat down on the piano stool and lifted the lid. You pressed your foot down on the damper pedal, so it wouldn't wake Joel, and played a few random notes. Soft and sustained, you realised that the melody sounded familiar. You smiled to yourself and continued playing.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money, but boy if i did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live

You found yourself thinking of Joel as you sang. Your voice sings low and clear. You had forgotten how much you missed playing the piano.

And you can tell everybody 

This is your song

It may be quite simple but 

Now that it's done-

You were startled by a deep, raspy voice behind you but kept playing once you realised who it was.

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

Joel sat down next on the stool and watched as your fingers danced along the keys. You look over at him as you finish the verse.

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Joel closes his eyes and listens. You continue on with the song, you and him take turns singing the lyrics.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see, I've forgotten

If they're green or they're blue

Joel's voice is soft and deep.

Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean

You play the last chord with your left hand, cupping Joel’s jaw with your right, urging him to face you.

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

His shining umber eyes gaze deep into yours. You’ve never seen a prettier man in your life. His very presence seems to ease your mind. You lean in and press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He chuckled quietly and nodded his head towards the piano. You put your fingers back on the keys.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple

But now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

You finish the song with a flourish on the piano and take a deep breath. Joel nudges you in the side and starts singing again, this time a different song.

Blue-jean baby

L.A. lady

You caught on quickly and followed his lead. Playing and singing along with him, your mood lifted. Ellie had come back a few minutes after that, informing you that dinner was prepped. You cooked while she helped, telling lame jokes from her book and making fun of Joel when he laughed. The night finished off as you all had a peaceful dinner as a little family.

[second-axis-point]

Pairing: Sick!Joel Miller x Male!Reader

Warnings: None!

Content: Fluff and piano playing!

Joel's voice is blue and bolded and yours is just italicised. I actually really like this fic. Hope this is alright and thank you for the request!! 

His Song

After a successful hunt, you were riding back to the house you, Joel, and Ellie had been camping out in. You really liked the place. It had actual windows and a clean bed. It also had a piano, one that you hadn’t even touched yet due to the insanity of the last few days. You really tried to get a moment to sit down for a while but Joel had gotten sick and you were too jumpy and anxious to do so.

But he had been feeling a bit better lately so you felt secure enough to go out for food. You hitched your horse in the darkened garage of the house and untied the deer you had hunted. You hoisted the buck off your horse's rear and tossed it over your shoulder with a grunt. You made your way to the crude racks that you had put up yesterday and hung the stag, preparing it for dinner.

Ellie walked into the garage after hearing the horse trotting back in. She saw the dark circles under your eyes and offered to take over. You obviously said that you were fine at first but your resolve quickly crumbled after she grabbed the knife from your hand and shoved you off the stool. You stood over her and made sure she knew what she was doing before she shooed you away.

You walked into the main house to check on Joel. He was in the bedroom, obviously, recovering from the case of bronchitis he caught in Jackson a few days back. You crack the door just enough to peek your head inside. You see Joel curled up against a pillow and snoring softly. You decided to leave him alone so you close the door and walk away.

You catch a glimpse of the piano in the corner of your eye and turn. You thought that there would be no harm in checking out the keys. So you sat down on the piano stool and lifted the lid. You pressed your foot down on the damper pedal, so it wouldn't wake Joel, and played a few random notes. Soft and sustained, you realised that the melody sounded familiar. You smiled to yourself and continued playing.

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside

I'm not one of those who can easily hide

I don't have much money, but boy if i did

I’d buy a big house where we both could live

You found yourself thinking of Joel as you sang. Your voice sings low and clear. You had forgotten how much you missed playing the piano.

And you can tell everybody 

This is your song

It may be quite simple but 

Now that it's done-

You were startled by a deep, raspy voice behind you but kept playing once you realised who it was.

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

Joel sat down next on the stool and watched as your fingers danced along the keys. You look over at him as you finish the verse.

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Joel closes his eyes and listens. You continue on with the song, you and him take turns singing the lyrics.

So excuse me forgetting

But these things I do

You see, I've forgotten

If they're green or they're blue

Joel's voice is soft and deep.

Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean

You play the last chord with your left hand, cupping Joel’s jaw with your right, urging him to face you.

Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

His shining umber eyes gaze deep into yours. You’ve never seen a prettier man in your life. His very presence seems to ease your mind. You lean in and press a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. He chuckled quietly and nodded his head towards the piano. You put your fingers back on the keys.

And you can tell everybody

This is your song

It may be quite simple

But now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

How wonderful life is while you're in the world

You finish the song with a flourish on the piano and take a deep breath. Joel nudges you in the side and starts singing again, this time a different song.

Blue-jean baby

L.A. lady

You caught on quickly and followed his lead. Playing and singing along with him, your mood lifted. Ellie had come back a few minutes after that, informing you that dinner was prepped. You cooked while she helped, telling lame jokes from her book and making fun of Joel when he laughed. The night finished off as you all had a peaceful dinner as a little family.

[thelittleboyfromloveactually]

Two Shorten the Road

part 1

joel dawson x reader

warnings: cussing? idk, bad writing.....fluff, cuteness, monsters(is this a warning), mentions of death, SPOILERS

word count: 2154

prompt: when your best friend decides to leave your colony to go find the love of his life, you decide to join him on his journey even if you aren’t so happy about where this journey is going

Welp I did it, I took it into my own hands. I am writing a joel dawson series. Because we👏need 👏more👏joel👏fics👏 it’s basically the movie, almost the same script but obviously slightly different…ENJOY! <3

No one in my generation or later had a typical upbringing, I mean some of us did but then the world ended. This type of thing sounds straight out of some apocalyptic movie, but we basically live in one now. Agatha 616, an asteroid heading straight for earth, I know, so original. So we all came together and did what we do best, blow things up. Yup, we blew up teh asteroid, and humanity was saved! We thought. But here’s the thing about rockets, they are made of a bunch of chemical compounds which eventually rained back down on earth. Suddenly there were these Aileen creatures that mutated and started eating us. Ants, lizards, roaches, crocodiles, you name it. Our president was even killed by a giant moth. Ya….not so original now huh? We suddenly need tanks to kill ants, oh man I remember the good old days when a shoe would do just fine. Sometimes even the tanks didn’t work. Eventually the really big ones and our military took each other out and we lost 95% of the human population in a year! Those of us who survived hid, bunkers, caves, panic rooms, all around the world. So for the last seven years I’ve been hiding in an underground bunker. It’s really not as bad as it sounds, and it’s better than getting eaten alive. It’s a great group of people and we all love each other.

“Are you sure they’re asleep?”

“Who?”

“Y/N and joel!”

“Oh ya I’m sure”

“Joel? Y/n?”

“He’s asleep”

Actually we are both awake. Me and my best friend joel have kinda mastered faking being asleep. Our beds are right across from each other so we normally just lie there and make stupid faces at each other. We are the only two single people in our bunker. Nice huh? Joel is my best friend. I met him when I joined the colony. He’s the sweetest. It’s funny cause everyone thinks we should just have sex already because that’s literally all everyone else does. But we are way above that. Anyway, joel is in love with his girlfriend from before the colony, her name is Aimee. With one “I” and two “e”s. He loves to talk about her, he writes her letters. So in reality, I am the only one who is not in love in this bunker. I’ve never had a boyfriend, ever, even before the world ended.

We don’t really get any sleep. The moaning kinda keeps us awake. I got up and out of my bed and headed for the kitchen. I heard Joel’s bed creak and then his footsteps as he followed behind me. Another annoying thing about being down here is that to get to the kitchen from my room, you have to walk though other people’s bedrooms. Oh shit, they are busy, why would they leave their door open. Me and Joel stopped.

“Oh” joel and I said in unison

“Hey Y/N! Hey Joel!” Ava said

“Oh hey Ava” Joel said, we didn’t dare look over to our left.

“Y/N how’s it going?” Tim asked

“T-totally good tim, h-how are you doing” I asked

“Yeah, good” he responded

“I uh we couldn’t sleep” said Joel looking at the ceiling

“Ya we know the feeling” Ava said with a laugh

“Yeah probably not for the…..same reasons” joel said looking straight ahead

“Your guyses door was open, did you…did you know that?” I asked

“Yeah we know” they said

I shook my head and knitted my eyebrows together

“Okay” joel trailed off

Ever since Tim’s parents were eaten by a swarm of termites he and Ava have gotten really close, in every way.

“Okay, goodnight” joel said as we walked

Basically everyone is coupled up down here, a baby was born last winter! Welcome to the apocalypse kid. Ok if we ever get out of this, that would be an awesome story to tell your kids. “Oh ya I was born in an underground bunker doing a monster apocalypse” “yes exactly like World War Z but with bugs bigger than a 5 story building”. I mean come on.

So your probably wonder how the hell we get food, we’ll we have a cow. Gurdy. Gurdy is great. We also have a hunting party that brings back whatever they can from the surface. It’s gotten harder and harder, cause we ran out of bullets. And facing one of those things with a handmade weapon is just as hard as it sounds. It’s very very difficult. I go with them….sometimes. I still get scared. But I’ve been out quite a lot, especially compared to my man joel over here. I’ve been out maybe 30 times, he’s been out…maybe once, or not even. He’s the chef of the bunker. He makes super good Minestrone.

Me and joel like to hang out with Mavis. A robot. Yup. Not much for conversation, her batter is shot. Just like every other mavis I would imagine. When I’m not hunting we hang out with her. But sometimes I just go read. Reading and joel keep me sane. I mean sometimes joel drives me insane but I still love him. I have quite the collection of books too! I’ve got Emma by Jane Austen, a couple random ones that we found, all the hunger games and Harry Potter books, some mysteries that stopped being mysteries after a while, and then of course some smutty romance books for personal entertainment.

Joel likes to say that his thing is target practice. He has never hit the target but ya know, gotta entertain yourself. I think his thing is drawing though, he has this book that he draws in from Aimee. It’s really cool actually. He’s really good.

I sat watching Joel as he tried to hit the target, laughing a little every time he missed. It was cute how hard he tried.

“Shut up” he said shaking his laugh away

I laughed again, but then suddenly the lights started flickering. You could hear screeches and creeks echoing through the bunker. Joel turned to look at me. Worry and determination in his eyes. We both scrambled out of the room and into the kitchen where everyone was preparing.

“Hustle, hustle people we’ve gotta move”

I turned to look at Joel but then realized that he wasn’t next to me. Where did he go? Worry flooded through me. Suddenly the clanking of our weapon started behind me.

“Hey guys!” Joel said as he rammed into the railing, I shook my head. “Guys! I’ve got the weapons” he smiled at me

A few people walked over to him taking them out of his hands

“Stay” said Tim

“W-what?” Joel asked looking around in confusion

Everyone was talking and barking orders “grab what you need and let’s go! Y/N you coming?”

My eyes shot open “yes! Yup!” I jumped up and grabbed the bow and arrow from Joel.

“W-what's happening?” He asked innocently “what’s going on?”

“There’s a breach” said Tim

“What do you mean? Like inside the bunker breach?!” He asked

“Yes joel! Now come on!” I told him, patting him on the pack as I followed the others

He followed me and watched the plan get arranged

“Anna, Y/N and I will engage. Anderson and Tom plank him”

“Plank him, ya ok where do you guys need me? You want me to uh come through the rear or..?” Joel asked eagerly

“I don’t think your going to pass this joel” I told him

“Pass what? You guys need help, let me help” said clutching his crossbow

“You gonna make me say it?” said Sam

“Say what?!” God he was so adorably clueless

“You can’t handle it joel, your shook” said Sam, we all began getting into positions

“Ya ok, yes so you guys don’t get scared..ever?” He asked still getting ready to fight

“We get scared, we all get scared joel, but you get really scared” said Sam

“They are trying to make you feel bad joel” I said sweetly, trying to calm him down

“We love you joel”

“But your a liability”

“Ok why did that speech feel so rehearsed? And what about Y/N? She’s like…ya know?” He said bobbing his head

“Joel-“ suddenly the bunker shook and the lights flicked again

“Ok 30 meters out! Let’s move!” And we were off

Leaving joel and some others behind. You could hear the growling of whatever we were up against

I followed the others and listened carefully. I was freaking shaking. Don’t ask how I got sucked into becoming one the the hunters. Kinda just happened and I was just-

“OH SHIT!” I heard someone yell, it was too dark to see. Someone was gone, that thing took them. I couldn’t even see it. Oh fuck my life. Everyone began scattering, running away from the monster. I stopped running to take a breath, when I realized I was alone. Nicely done Y/N. The lights kept flickering. I heard something blow up in the distance.

“Conned? Conner?” I heard a whisper, one I knew all too well. Shit, joel. I ran toward the sound, and had no idea I was also running toward certain death. I stopped running. There it was, that thing. I’d never seen this before. I didn’t recognize it. I stayed silent, not moving at all. It slowly crawled over a shower curtain. Oh fuck. He was going toward joel! I quickly grabbed my bow and arrow and shot it. Right though the face. Next to its….eye I guess you could call it. Joel stood there, frozen.

I slowly walked over to him “Joel, hey are you ok?” I asked as I slipped my hand into his. He was trembling. Tears ran down his cheeks. He has a bad freezing problem, so I've been helping him work on it.

About an hour later I sat with Joel, still holding his hand as he stared out into space. We could hear everyone talking. How could this have happened?

“It ripped through steal”

“Anderson and I resealed the Breach point, nothings getting in that way again”

“But why did it happen?”

I tried to toon it out, and I hoped Joel did too.

“Joel, do you wanna talk about it?” I asked squeezing his hand, he looked so sad, which just crushed me

He shook his head

“Ok….” I nodded, I leaned into hug him but was interrupted by his voice

“How far away is Aimee's colony?” He asked

I pulled back, looking at him confused. The talking stopped and everyone look at him

“What?” Tim asked

“Aimee’s colony, how far away is it?” He repeated

“About 85 miles” he said as he furrowed his brows

“How long will it take to get there?”

“What do you mean joel?” I asked leaning closer to him

“Just humor me, how long?” He insisted

“7 days” said Tim

“Someone who’s armed and trained would hardly last 50miles, but you…joel” Ava said, I felt bad for him, he really didn’t deserve any of this

“Alright” Tim continued “now I need volunteers”

“I’m gonna go” joel said

No one said anything, they just stared

“It’s an impossible journey joel” said Tim, crossing his arms

Joel stood up, moving around my chair. “No im serious…I love you guys but there’s only one person in this world who ever truly made me happy and she’s only 85 miles away” he said strongly “I’m gonna go see her” I could see his mind was made up

God he was such a romantic, how could you not love this guy? Sure it hurts when your best friend tells you that you didn’t make him truly happy. Especially when you maybe sorta kinda have a crush on him.

He let out a breath “woah, that felt awesome” he said as he walked off to start packing

I stood there for a second processing and thinking, but then suddenly my mouth took over and well….

“I’m coming with you!” I said, he froze “I mean you can’t leave me here with these middle aged people, and your my best friend so” I shrugged

“I’ll come back for you I promise” he walked over to me “I can’t let you put yourself in even more danger” he said grabbing my arms

“I can’t let you put yourself in danger knowing that I could have helped protect you” I said, he stared blankly at me

I smiled “o-ohK…then I guess…” he trailed off

“Cool I’ll go pack” I skipped past him. Was I scared? Hell yes. But like I said, I needed to help joel and protect him in every way I can. And sure I wasn’t so happy that he was returning to his long lost love but if it made him happy then I would live. And anyway, two do shorten the road.

[redwinterroses]

Could you do something with 3rd Life Joel?

Harley I saw your reply on my 2AM post last night and YES the weird Joel thing IS from your ask. XD I had no idea what to do with this originally because Joel has a lot of good moments but I really wasn't in the mood to do much angsty with him (Joel kind of... exudes anti-angst. He's just so factual about everything and the sarcasm is Off The Charts. I love it.)

But I was getting ready to sleep and randomly scrolled past a post about the myth of Black Shuck and the Wild Hunt and my brain was suddenly possessed by a wild spirit of fanfiction so.... Here. Have this Very Odd piece.

(It works best if you read it in a messy Irish accent, lol.)

(also this may be a lead-up to my Trickster God Scar and Archangel Grian thing someday. We'll see.)

~*~

The Wild Hunt

.

.

.

Listen here, child, and I’ll tell ya a tale: the tale of the Wolf King, and a Wild Hunt.

What? Ya know the story? Sit down and hush—you ain’t heard it the way I’ll tell it. And I should know: I seen him myself.

Would ya call yer old granny a liar? For shame. Sit down, you. Eat yer cookie. Listen.

(don’t pinch yer brother, ya nugget, or no more cookies for you.)

He were born out of flames and fire and smoke, y’see. Born when he died, t’be fair, but born in fire all the same. ‘Twas the Grave Maiden what set his roof aflame, she an’ her undead hoard, and of course the Trickster was there as well—fat lot o’ good that did the Wolf King. But he chose his bed, and he laid in it, and we all reap his dreams thereafter.

So there he were, all newly grey and smoulderin’ and his eyes a’burnt like coals and fire and his belly growlin’ for revenge. But he weren’t the Wolf King, not yet—he were then only a lowly red, with naught but one life—like you or me.

(how’d he start with more than one? Well he were a god, weren’t he? Or he were meant to be. No, I don’t know who choses them things—prob’ly the Archangel but don’t tell the cleric you heard that from me. He don’t like me puttin’ the Angel over the Trickster or the Red King. Clerics don’t have much imagination, y’see.)

So what did he do with his one life? With his one, bloody, beatin’ red heart? “Well,” he says, he says to himself, “I need me an army, if I’m gonna take down the Grave Maiden.”

(Shush, child, don’t spoil the story. Yer brother don’t know how it ends.)

“I need me an army,” says he. “But no one will ally with me, and if they did: I’d kill them anyway—” y’see, he had taste for blood, woke with it in his teeth, like any good wolf. “—I’d kill them anyway, the whole world is my enemy.”

So instead of allies, he went to the wolves. And he went to the great da wolf and the great mam wolf, and he says to them, he says: “Give me some of yer children, to fight in my wars.”

And of course the wolves said that was crazy, they weren’t gonna send their children off with some grey-faced red-lifer on a quest to fight the gods. But the Wolf King—

(No, he weren’t the Wolf King yet. No, I don’t know what he were called before. He didn’t matter before.)

The Wolf King—who wasn’t the Wolf King yet—bared his bloody teeth at them wolves and growled at them and said in the words of wolves that they could send their children with him, or he could take ‘em on his own.

Now, wolves is wise—remember that, nugget—wolves is wise, and wolves is knowing. And they looked at this red in front of them and they were knowing that he weren’t lying. And they looked at this red and they were wise and said “Fine, alright, you can take any of ourn that’ll go with ye.”

“Fair enough,” says he. And wolf pups ain’t so wise and so knowing as their parents—remember that, nugget, parents know more’n you give ‘em grief for—so he left with his army: a passel o’ young, foolish wolves.

(Well. Some might say they was foolish. Some might say they was grand and brave and the best wolves to be born on this earth. Some might say that they can be both. Don’t ya go askin’ the cleric though.)

So there he be, this Wolf King and his pack. His army: his teeth and his claws. And now, on moonless nights, ye can hear ‘em: forever huntin’ for the Grave Maiden and her Fallen One and her hordes—she’s his sworn enemy, ya know. But that don’t stop him fightin’ with the other gods too.

He loves to chase the Red King over the mountains—sometimes ya can hear them in the night, howlin’ back and forth at each other, the wolves runnin’ the King and his Hand over the peaks and into the desert dunes. And sometimes the Red King comes after him and the pack too, o’course, but that’s a story for another night and older ears. It’s a bit too sad for cookies by the fire.

(No, love—yer mum’d kill me if I sang the Fall of the Wolf King with yer brother here. He’s too young for that tale.)

He’ll never defeat the Grave Maiden, and he’ll never catch the Red King, and he’ll never burn down all the Flower Kingdom no matter how many times he tries: that’s the nature o’ the gods, y’see, and it’s what makes us happier creatures. ‘Cause they can never finish their stories—they’re trapped in a forever dance of give and take, alliance and war, love and hate. But it’s all real, an’ it’s all true.

And believe me or not but cross my one bleedin’ heart and hope to die (that’s another thing not to repeat in front o’ the cleric, ya hear me, child?): I seen him.

I seen the Wolf King. Just once, but that were enough.

I seen him under the moonlight, racin’ across the moors with his bayin’ army at his back an’ at his front an’ all around him: a sea of white fur, frothin’ about like foam on the surf. All their eyes were burnin’ in the moonlight—I swear it on the Dragon herself. Burnin’ red, they was, like the very flames the Grave Maiden lit. They looked right at me, and I knew—I knew I were his next kill.

(The Wolf King ain’t nice, child. Of course he ain’t nice. He’s mad is what he is. And madmen don’t make for good people to meet when you’re crossing the moors alone of a night, on yer way home from a dance in Crastleton.)

(What do ya mean ya don’t want a sad story? The sad part’s over, child—clearly I didn’t get gobbled up by the Wolf King’s pack, or else who’d be here tellin’ ya this story now, I ask ya? Sit back down with yer sister and listen.)

So I seen him over the crest of the hill, with the moon a silver ha’penny in the sky above and the stars all a-glimmer and a-shinin’ like the lights of the Widow’s crown. And they came down the hill and they swept over me—all them wolves, all glory and soft and fang and hot breath on me face and I closed me eyes—I did!—and just waited for them to gobble me up.

But ya know what happened instead? ‘Course you don’t, that’s why I’m tellin’ ya. Instead o’ teeth and claws and my one life bleedin’ out on the moor… I hears a voice.

No, he didn’t say nothin’, it weren’t words. The Wolf King don’t use human words no more.

But he were laughin’.

Imagine that! Imagine me, not so much older than you, love, alone out on the moor and ringed about by the Wolf King’s army all a’swirlin’ and boundin’ around me: and the Wolf King laughs.

I couldn't help meself, though I'll never know why: but I laughed too.

And then he grabbed me by me arm and we ran.

Oh, my children. If I live to be a thousand I’ll never forget that night.

(Don’t you repeat this to the cleric. Or yer mother. They both think I’m dotty as a bat as it is.)

The Wolf King and his pack run faster than birds can fly—faster than horses, faster than hounds. Faster than I could run, even then: but it didn’t matter. They carried me along, light as a feather and more nimble than a hare. Over the mountain, down the vale, through the ruins of the Flower Kingdom—yes, I’ve seen the Flower Kingdom, but only by moonlight and we didn’t stop, but I heard later that there was fires again so he must have gotten his bite at the Widow and the Soldier when I weren’t lookin’.

And all the while, the whole pack was howlin’. Howlin’ like the front gale of a nor’easter comin’ up the coast: the wolves was howlin’, and the King was howlin’, and Void take me if I weren’t howlin’ too, just like this—

(Oh hush, child, that weren’t even so loud. End’s all, if you ain’t a skittish little creature—get back here and eat another cookie.)

We ran all night, runnin’ and howlin’ and leavin’ fire and fang in our wake. But it couldn’t last forever, as the Wolf King only wanted me runnin’ with him as long as it was sportin’, and even with the wolves carryin’ me along I did get tired. More tired than I’ve ever been before or since, I don’t mind tellin’ ya.

So come mornin’, come dawnin’ of the next day’s sun, I find myself back on the road to Crastleton. My dress were in tatters and my feet were a bleedin’ mess of cuts and blisters that never did hurt, my hair tangled with wind knots and wolf hair, and my throat hoarse from howlin’.

And just before he left, him swirlin’ about with a millin’ mess of wolves around his feet, the Wolf King looked at me—looked at me, I tell ya—and gave me a grin that were full of as many teeth as there are leaves in a tree. He tossed me this, and then he were gone—sweeping up and away off the moor like nothing more than a ghost in a dream.

(Here, look at it. What do you think it is? I’ve always said it’s a claw, but what kinda creature has silver claws, I ask you? Give that back to me now, child—it hasn’t left me side in six times so long as you’ve been alive, and it’ll be buried with me if I can get someone other than the cleric to do the job.)

So of course the Wolf King is real! And so the Trickster and the Archangel and the Grave Maiden and the Widow and the Soldier and the Red King and the Hand and all the rest of them. If ye’re very, very good, and very, very lucky, mayhap you’ll even see them one day.

Because of course, they might be gods, child. But in one way, they’re just like you and me: they’ve got but one life—red and bloodied and barin’ their teeth.

And the Wolf King runs forever, chasing after the Grave Maiden and her Fallen One and even the Traitor when the mood strikes him. He’ll never catch her, but she’ll never outrun him either. The Wolf King hunts forever.

Now—you finish up that cookie and run outside. I hear your mama callin’ for you. And remember: we don’t tell Mama anything Granny says about the cleric, alrighty?

Alrighty.

Goodnight, children—sleep tight; don’t let the phantoms bite.

And just maybe—if you’re real, real quiet—you might hear the howling.

Howl back.

[slutsofren]

Danger Days Chapter 8: Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

summary: finding shelter in an abandoned home, you try to keep your wits about you and care for the still unconscious Joel until some trouble comes knocking

word count: 3,792

content warnings: mention of gore and impromptu medical care, more canon-typical violence, death, murder, arrival of.... cannibals, y'know the deal hurt/comfort

notes: i didn't mention it last time but yeah, your shit really can kill you if you get your lower intestines punctured lol it's a real thing and gnarly af

read on ao3 / masterlist

You woke up in a start. Heavy breaths taking hold in your lungs. The small, barely considerable amounts of sleep were getting to you as they had been for the last month as more and more night terrors racked your brain. Rubbing at your eyes, you pushed yourself up to begin your usual routine.

It had been a couple weeks since your little group found yet another abandoned home and it took some hell of maneuvering to get Joel into the basement but it worked. The winter snow was coming in full force and it was peritive you all kept Joel as warm as possible, there were too many odds stacked against him.

Walking over to his prone body, you checked on his wounds once more as you did practically every couple of hours. He was looking worse for wear, even changing out the gauze could only do so much. Whatever small amounts of clean water the three of you had went to cleaning it out, hoping to stave off the infection.

Joel was, by all means, not doing well.

To top it off, even with your meager amount of medic training from your days with FEDRA could never prepare you for the long-term haul you were in with Joel, he was dying. The bastard was dying and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.

Night after night you were haunted by the image of him falling off that balcony, the sounds of his groans of pain still lingered in your head even when you were awake. It fucking sucked.

He was asleep now, he barely woke up since everything went to shit at the university then at the mall. That in and of itself felt like a lifetime ago. You put a hand against his forehead, feeling how his fever still hadn’t broken. With the chill in the air as winter was fully settling in making your fingers cold as ice, he didn’t even flinch away. You closed your eyes and sighed, still not wanting to give up. Not for Ellie, not for Tommy, not even for the grumpy man himself.

A quick glance out the small basement window told you it was nearing dusk which startled you. Ellie had left when the sun was at its peak, sometime around noon, surely. She had been gone much much longer than she normally would have.

Usually it was you who left to go hunting for food once your supplies dwindled but Ellie wanted to help relieve the burden from your shoulders and you reluctantly agreed. Yo hated to admit you needed a break. She had argued she wanted to get better with her bow and arrow and she certainly did, often bringing back animals of various sizes. It was her way of coping with potentially losing Joel, something she confided in you that was one of her biggest fears.

Thoughts of Ellie swirled your mind and you paced back and forth, chewing at your fingernails. A nasty habit you suppressed most days. A part of you wanted to go find the girl, follow Callus’ tracks in the snow. Another part of you didn’t want to leave Joel by himself.

Fuck, you thought.

Compartmentalizing you figured if she didn’t return within an hour, you’d go looking for her. If you couldn’t locate her within a mile radius, a strict rule you enforced her limited hunting zone to, you’d hunker down with Joel and wait until morning to find her and scold her for being irresponsible.

You stopped your pacing to look at Joel’s face, seeing how his face was still warped in the painful scowl he hadn’t let go of. His features were beginning to slowly become gaunt as the small amounts of food you’d been able to get him to eat the rare times a day he’d wake were coming far and few in between. Even his usual tan skin was slowly softening to a cooler shade of bronze. He looked like death.

Joel, by all means, was a handsome cowboy. Even with his patchy beard that was littered with grey hair in a few spots. Now he just looked like a ghost of himself.

Okay, fine, you admit to yourself. With Joel down, you’ve kind of missed the fool. You missed the banter and arguing with him about stupid shit. He irritated the daylights out of you because he always wanted to jump headfirst into things without a care for his safety clearly but dammit, the lack of his presence was palpable. You hated it.

You sat beside Joel, removing one of his hands from under the blanket to hold. His hands still rough and calloused, mirrors of yours if you weren’t missing a finger. Once upon a time, you remembered hearing that coma patients could sometimes hear what people said to them, that it helped. Maybe talking to him now would help not just him but you as well, to keep your mind occupied. Maybe pass the time a little. Maybe.

“Hey, it’s me, you grumpy bastard,” you started off lightly. “I don’t know if you can tell but you’ve been puttin’ that girl and I through hell and back trying to keep your ass alive.”

A hollow laugh escapes you, feeling a little more choked up than you’d ever dare to admit. Composing yourself you tried to use playful banter. “How do you do it, cowboy? Ellie is a goddamned handful. Shit, I thought I was bad when I was a teenager,” you sniff, feeling your voice waver.

“When I first laid eyes on you two, I think it would have saved me a whole lotta trouble and pain if Maria let me shoot you,” you sigh dramatically. Even though there was a smile on your lips, it didn’t reach your eyes. What did were the tears that were slowly forming. The added stress of Ellie being missing was really wearing you thin.

Amongst other things.

“Y’know,” you sniffled, “you really hurt my feelings back at the university. When you thought I led the two of you into a trap.” You took a sharp inhale. “As much shit as you and I put each other through, that was the one thing that stung. More than anything.”

You squeezed his hand and sighed, closing your eyes. Admitting that was hard, stars know you’d never say that to Joel while he was conscious nor in front of Ellie.

“Don’t die, you asshole,” you begged softly, wiping away the light tears that coated your lashes, reluctantly letting go of Joel’s hand as you tucked the blanket around him tightly.

After you said your piece, your mind became overrun with the little turd you grew fond of. The more you began to worry about Ellie, the more your thoughts swirled rapidly into worst case scenarios.

Before you worked yourself into a much deeper frenzy, a loud metallic bang echoed from upstairs. You ran up the steps and came face to face with Ellie, looking just as frantic. She raised her hand and in it, a tied white rabbit, so white it was nearly silver in the dim lighting. “I got food,” she said breathlessly.

“And,” she shoved you aside and took off to the basement, “I got this. Can it help?”

Ellie reached into her pocket and pulled out a syringe and orange bottle, she handed it to you while kneeling next to Joel as he shifted in his sleep. You were still rather shocked to see Ellie who looked faintly bloodied and tired, before you could comment on the new rifle on her shoulder, you took the bottle and were damn near milliseconds from riding into her until you read the faded label of the glass container.

Penicillin.

“Where the fuck did you get this, Ellie?”

Without waiting for her to answer, you dug in your pack and pulled out some disinfectant alcohol and a gauze pad to clean the syringe and a spot on Joel’s arm. Ellie refused to look up from where she kept her gaze focused on Joel’s face, “‘s not important.”

“If I wasn’t so mad at you right now, I’d kiss you.”

Throwing away all the questions you had for her, you administered the antibiotic as quickly as you could, he sighed as the medicine entered his body. Although, it was likely you were giving him too much, truthfully, you didn’t think it would hurt him worse than he already was.

As he relaxed underneath your hands, you looked down at his wound one last time for the evening. The haphazard stitches were taut on his stomach where the swelling was, hopefully by morning, he’d be better.

You didn’t look up from Joel as you laid into Ellie, “I don’t want excuses about where you were, only that you promise me to be more careful in the future, please.”

“Ye- yeah, I promise.”

“Good,” you covered Joel back up, “Now go get some rest. I’ll take care of the rabbit and wake you when it’s done.”

You turned your back to Ellie, it wasn’t that you wanted her to feel bad for her little disappearing act. You just needed some space to gather your thoughts. Between being Joel’s caretaker, Ellie’s temporary guardian, and keeping yourself sane, you were a wreck. You needed a moment.

Before you took a step on the stairs you paused. “Good work on getting the medicine, kiddo. Joel would be proud of you too.”

She didn’t respond as you walked away, the implication that although you were upset with her, you were still proud lingered in the air. Mindlessly, you focused on the rabbit, doing what needs to be done to cook it for dinner, pushing away those lingering worries. Ellie was safe, you reminded yourself, she came back.

It didn’t take you long to finish with your meager dinner, still pretty damn proud of Ellie’s evolving hunting skills. Maybe you’d offer to teach her a couple snares in the morning to leave out overnight. Although they tended not to gain anything bigger than a rabbit or a squirrel, something was better than nothing and you’d figure it would help Ellie focus on something other than Joel’s condition.

You bounded down the stairs, bringing the freshly cooked meat with you. A small shake to her shoulder and she was awake, “Dinner’s ready.”

Ellie didn’t bring her gaze up to look you in the eye, likely still ashamed. The two of you still sat in silence eating, occasionally looking to Joel for any changes or whenever he shifted in his sleep.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice sounding small.

“I know, Ellie. I’m sorry too, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I was just worried.”

Once again, the silence encompassed you both like a blanket, warmer now than it was before. You broke it first, “I was thinking about teaching you a couple snares in the morning. How does that sound?”

Ellie wiped the grease from her fingers on her jeans and looked up, “I think I’d like that.”

Just like that, the two of you were on even footing. It didn’t feel right to be mad at each other, not when Joel wasn’t there to diffuse. Either way, it was much like when you were the one in between their own fight that day you’d met them, it wasn’t healthy when you all had to rely on each other for survival. At least with Ellie, she was quick to forgive and forget in the face of the larger picture. A quality you kind of admired in the young woman.

Both of you finished with your portions of the meat, saving the rest for the morning or for Joel if he wakes in the night. Simultaneously you shuffled through the remaining ammo together, doling out some spare bullets to Ellie for her shiny new rifle, still not going to ask how she acquired it. Let her have her space.

She took the bullets graciously, reloading her sidearm and long range weapons and placing them in her backpack before getting ready for sleep. You stayed fiddling with your own weapons for a few moments longer before calling it quits too.

You laid down on the opposite side of Joel, biting your lip and hoping for the best. You tossed and turned, not knowing if you could take facing Joel’s sickly frame but you also couldn’t turn your back on him and Ellie who laid on her backpack on his other side.

Please, you wished, let the medicine take.

These kinds of wishes filled your mind until you slowly drifted to a fitful night’s sleep.

By morning, you happened to find yourself shaken awake with Ellie’s face close to yours, “Wake up, I need you awake!”

You jumped up, onto your knees. “What is it,” you ask startled, afraid Joel was worse than he was when you fell asleep. Looking at Joel, he didn’t look like he deteriorated in the night, but he also didn’t look like he improved any.

“I was tracked,” she says as if that explains anything. Both of you have your hands on each other's arms in a failed attempt at communicating the other’s panic.

“What do you mean ‘tracked’, Ellie?”

“Those people I got the medicine from, David and-and James, they fucking tracked me!”

“Ellie, what the fu-.”

“Look, listen, I’m gonna draw them away. Keep an eye on Joel,” she tells you in a rush, letting go of you and bolting up the stairs, grabbing her backpack on the way out.

“Fuck,” you practically shout while getting up and looking out the window. Outside you see silhouettes of a few men, searching the nearby area. Frustrated, you kick the washing machine.

Shit, shit, shit.

You don’t know what to do, you feel tied down once again because of Joel’s condition and Ellie’s neverending saviour complex. You mumble out a few more expletives at this situation just as you see the girl bound down the street on Callus shouting for the intruder’s attention. As she rides away, you hear bullets being shot at her, getting further and further away from you.

You carelessly threw your denim coat on and opted to grab your knives instead of guns, hoping to kill anybody who came close without alerting the others. Out the basement window, you could see a few of the men still lurking about, choosing not to follow Ellie.

Just before you followed Ellie out of the house, you doubled back to Joel, kneeling forward and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “We’ll come back, I promise you Joel. Just please, don’t die on me now.” Another kiss on his warm skin and you left without stopping, barricading the basement door as if it was left unoccupied.

Everything in you wanted to panic, your muscles were screaming to fold in on yourself and heave what little food remained in your stomach but you couldn’t give in. Not when Ellie was in danger. She may have been a pain in the ass, but she was your pain in the ass.

After your conversation last night, you’d be damned if anybody hurts your girl.

Taking a deep breath, you shook your worries free and cleared your mind. Although you were a field medic by title with FEDRA back in the day, working with them turned you into a killer. It was a toxic mindset for you, even when you had joined the Fireflies, they took advantage of your ability to focus on one thing and one thing only, turning it into their own game - death.

It took years to shake off that blank emotionless part of you, even Tommy was afraid of it when he saw the horrendous things you were capable of, what the Fireflies exploited from you, but Tommy wasn’t here and the people you loved were hanging on by a thread.

It was easy to see the outlines of the few straggling men who searched the nearby homes, whatever Ellie did really pissed them off. Now, these people only pissed you off.

You stayed lurking within the shadows of the homes, even with the sun just getting ready to set, it wasn’t too difficult to stay hidden. Especially to those who weren’t familiar with the layout. It was easy to spot how the few men tended to remain within a handful of yards together, opting not to venture out into the buildings alone. Alert and yet unorganized as you could see how they would often turn their backs on each other, giving you such a delicious opportunity to sneak in and out, weaving through them and taking them down one by one.

Was it absolutely horrible this was your instinct? Maybe. But you had two people you wanted to protect, two absolutely annoying yet selfless humans who gave you hope. You did love Joel and Ellie, even if you hadn’t admitted to it yet. Besides, you had a whole lot of stress burdening your shoulders and you wanna hit something.

You watched as the small group approached one of the homes off to the left, allowing you ample room to get close without having to cross the street in the open. You took off running, not bothering to try and conceal your footprints in the snow as you got to the house besides the targets. You entered through a broken window - a common for every single house on this block. Taking lighter footsteps, you ducked by the windows and reached the second floor landing.

The homes in this area were built within close proximity to the others, making it easy for, say, somebody needing to jump between windows without being seen. Perfect.

You listened hard and close as the men shuffled and tossed things around the first floor, looking for any sign of Ellie and ‘those two people she was with’. You growled lowly, really hating the implication that these people knew about the three of you.

Taking another assessment, you noticed there were two men standing guard out the front of the house, idly walking to-and-fro, their conversation remaining on wishing they were chasing Ellie instead.

A deep breath in and you jumped with an ‘oof’, trying to make as little as noise as possible, aiming for a wide open window with a snow covered bed on the other side. Between the snow and the mattress, the noise was cushioned to only a small thud, thankfully concealed by the thuds of the men downstairs shuffling through rooms. You quickly got up and went to the doorframe and saw there was only a hallway and stairs leading down.

You took deeper breaths again, trying to center yourself for what you were about to do as you heard one person come up the stairs - alone.

Placing your body flush against the wall, you waited in stark concentration, drawing your knife from its sheath. The footsteps came close, nearing the room you were hiding in and just as an armed gunman came in, you rushed him. Putting one hand against their forehead, you pulled the other hand and dragged the knife into their throat, essentially cutting off the person from making a noise and ending their life. You pulled and lowered their body as they began to choke out, laying them on the floor gently against the wall, carelessly hiding the body.

Downstairs you could still hear shuffling of the other invader and you made your way to them, silently assessing.

From what you could tell, the other person was banging around in the basement. So you rounded a nearby corner to where the open basement door was until finally, finally, somebody came through. You took him down just the same as his buddy.

So unorganized, you thought. If they were really looking for you and Joel, they were doing a piss poor job of it.

You swiped a bottle from the kitchen as you strolled past, taking aim out a broken window. Giving it a nice little toss, it shattered against the other house and without fail, you heard the tell-tale signs of one of the other men asking ‘what was that’. You ducked behind the faded curtain until one of the targets came into view, watching how he was pensive and alert, fortunately he was by himself which made the next part just as easy.

As soon as the man walked by the window, you jumped out from your hiding spot and jabbed your hunting knife straight into the soft squishy part of his eye, surprisingly facing little to no resistance.

You pulled it back and repeated the motion again once the man made an audible noise, probably alerting his friend. In only a slight rush now, you jumped out the window and removed your blade, now stalking towards the front when you could hear the other man yell the other’s names.

Wrapping around the corner of a house in a whirlwind, you surprised the last one when you stood face-to-face with him. He looked at you, astounded, mouth agape and dropped his weapon - a handgun. Looking down at his body, he whimpered as he took in the sight of your knife now buried deep in his stomach as you yanked them up into his chest piercing his heart.

Copper scent filled the air as the hunter’s body gave out. His blood spilling down your front. Under normal circumstances you would’ve likely vomited all over yourself but considering the innate need to protect Ellie and Joel, all that shit is blown out the window.

All in all, maybe thirty minutes have passed, you wanted to check on Joel but the distant gunshots were making you worried. At the very least, the longer they went off, the longer you knew your little fighter was alive.

Okay, think, you tried to get yourself to focus. You came up with a rapid-fire plan and before you could second guess yourself, you ran. Refusing to stop. Each step in the plush snow found you closer and closer to your hideout.

Entering the home through the garage, you gave Whiskey a pat as you walked on by and headed straight for the basement. You pushed the undisturbed barricade from the door, grateful it signaled that Joel was safe. Entering the downtrodden room you grabbed your holsters, strapping them maybe a little more tightly than you should’ve and throwing your backpack over your shoulders. You double-checked your weapons, making sure they were fully loaded.

Once again, you kneeled next to Joel as he laid on the dirty mattress, huffing from the rising pain from the stitch in your side. “Joel? I’m gonna go back out and find Ellie. I’m gonna go get our girl,” you said.

You hoped you were telling the truth.

[cocastyle]

Robin — ONE

Pairing - Joel Dawson x reader

Word Count - 5,047

A/N - this chapter was so much fun getting to write! I wanted to introduce you guys to the dynamic of our two characters before they take off into the world. they are just a super close pair which is definitely going to cause some interesting scenes throughout this movie, especially with Joel being in love Aimee at the moment and Y/N being in love with Joel. but no matter what, it’s their friendship that makes them Y/N and Joel and it’s just the cutest thing.

also, I just want to say, take note of the little letters Joel writes to Aimee. they are definitely going to show growth in Joel’s character as the story goes on :))

if you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

R O B I N

Robin Series Masterlist

⭒❃.✮:▹ ONE ◃:✮.❃⭒

Dear Aimee,

I am wide awake. I've just gotten good at not really moving or breathing.

Being stuck in a survival bunker with a bunch of people who have all found their soul mate is less than ideal.

Karen and Ray got together a few months ago, so they're still kinda in their honeymoon phase. It is super physical. Good for them, you know. They're both very attractive and apparently quite flexible.

Hey, life's short. Especially down here.

After Tim's parents were eaten by a warm of termites, he and Ava became inseparable. In every way.

So pretty much everyone's coupled up down here besides me and Y/N. We're the singles of the bunker and I don't know how I would survive by myself without her. Having your best friend stuck down here with you helps a lot.

Our first baby was born last winter. It was super emotional. Welcome to the apocalypse, kid. The food sucks. At least you'll never know what you're missing.

Kala and Connor got together after Carol died. Carol was a cow who ate a box of laundry detergent and now we only have one cow. Her name's Gertie. Gertie is great. Y/N named her actually and every time someone uses the name she gets this goofy grin on her face that's hard for anyone to not smile back at.

Gertie's not our only food source. We actually have a hunting party that brings back whatever they can from the surface. It was easier in the beginning, you know, before we ran out of bullets. Facing down one of those things with a hanky handmade weapon is no walk in the park. Or that's what Robin tells me. I-I don't go on the hunting parties. They need me in the kitchen. I'm kinda the, uh. . .the chef of the bunker. Everyone likes my minestrone.

Me and Y/N being the only single people in the bunker has its perks too. We get to hang out with Mav1s. Of course, she's not much for conversation anymore. Her core battery's shot, just like every other Mav1s, I'd imagine. Actually never seen a working one.

Other than that, it's become our favorite pass time to mess with the other couples. Or at least that's what Robin does. I kind of just cheer her on.

Sure wish you were here, Aimee. I'd love for you to meet everyone and become closer with Y/N. Maybe we could do a little target practice together.

It's kinda my thing.

- - -

Y/N had been in the middle of dreaming about killing a monster when something began poking her face and pulled her from her slumber. Letting out a groan, the girl turned her head towards her pillow in an attempt to hide her face, but the person was persistent and instead began poking the back of her head instead.

"Joel," Y/N whined in annoyance earning a soft chuckle from the boy as he continued to poke her head. "Joel, I swear if you don't stop poking me right now I'm going to drag you out of this bunker and feed you to the nearest cold-blooded creature."

The poking stopped instantly and she slowly turned her face and let her eyes flutter open for a second to see Joel smiling at her in amusement. "Seven years underground and you still aren't a morning person," he mused.

Y/N groaned and fell further into her pillow as she closed her eyes once again. "I don't think I'll ever be," she muttered, her voice trailing off a bit at the end as sleep tried to take over once again.

"Hey, I just woke you up. Don't go back to sleep," Joel insisted as he reached out to poke her again. However, Y/N was quick to grab ahold of his finger and stop him without even having to open an eye.

"Don't poke me," she told him before letting go of the boy. "I'm tired, Joel. I don't have to see the sun to know it's still shining on the other side of the world. It's too early."

"Actually, it's not too far away from dawn," Joel said earning a groan from the girl because it was in fact too early. The boy frowned and gently nudged her as he rested his head on the edge of her bed. "Come on, Robin. I can't sleep and as my best friend it is your job to keep me from doing anything stupid while I'm awake. You can't exactly do that while sleeping, can you?"

"Joel," Y/N complained.

"Y/N," Joel mimicked. Y/N frowned slightly and Joel sighed before looking away as he got lost in thought. Finally he let out a small gasp and nudged the girl again, a smile appearing on his face, "I'll make you breakfast."

Y/N peeled open an eye at that, flickering her gaze over the boy's eager face before hesitantly saying, "Throw in a piggyback ride all the way to the kitchen and you've got yourself a deal.”

"Deal!" Joel exclaimed as he reached out to grab her hand and shake it. Y/N let out a soft sigh, knowing she was going to regret waking up, but pulled herself up out of bed and let out a yawn. Joel was practically bouncing from foot to foot due to his impatience and Y/N just ignored it as she sat up for a moment longer before looking to Joel.

"Okay, I'm ready," she said and the boy quickly turned around. Y/N lazily got out of bed before slowly getting onto Joel's back. He made sure she was on securely and waited until she had her arms wrapped around his neck and her head tucked into the crook of his neck before he was practically running out of the room.

"Woah! Slow down!" Y/N exclaimed as she almost went toppling off of his back from how bumpy the ride was. Joel slowed to a walk and looked back to her with an apologetic smile while she just rolled her eyes. "You're lucky you're my best friend," she muttered, propping her elbow against the boy's shoulder in order to keep herself up right.

"You know you love me," Joel retorted and Y/N let out a soft sigh for she knew the boy was right. He just didn't understand the kind of love she had for him.

The two were about halfway down the hallway when they suddenly passed a door that was wide open. "Hey, Joel! Hey, Y/N!" a fellow colony member of theirs named Ava greeted.

The best friends turned their heads and instantly looked away, their faces red while Y/N hid her face against Joel's neck once again. "Oh. Hey, Ava," Joel said, coughing awkwardly as he held onto Y/N a bit tighter and tried to ignore the fact that he just saw Ava and her boyfriend Tim being intimate.

"Ava," Y/N greeted.

"Joel. Y/N. How's it going?" Tim asked.

"It's going good, Tim," Joel responded, attempting to hide his small smile as Y/N just shook her head, obviously embarrassed. "How are you. . .How are you doing?"

"Yeah, good," Tim replied.

"Good," Y/N muttered as she sat up a little more and just leaned against Joel's shoulder. "Uh, we were just. . .um. . .heading to the kitchen. Joel here couldn't sleep, so now here we are." She let out an awkward laugh and Ava and Tim returned it.

"Yeah, we know the feeling," Ava told her and both Joel and Y/N made a face.

"Yeah. Probably not for the same reasons," Joel muttered. "Y-You guys's, uh, door's open. Is that. . .did you know that?"

"Yeah," Ava admitted at the same time Tim said, "Yeah, we know."

Both Y/N and Joel didn't move before Joel muttered awkwardly, "Okay." A silence fell among the group after that and Y/N could just feel herself growing more uncomfortable by the second and it was obvious Joel was too.

"Batman, away!" Y/N exclaimed, pointing towards the direction of the kitchens in hopes that they could get away from this situation as quick as possible. Joel chuckled softly and shook his head before bolting off down the hallway making the girl yell at him.

Joel didn't slow down until they were in the kitchen, setting the girl down in a chair before moving across the room. "This better be the best breakfast you have ever created after putting me in that sort of position," Y/N told him. "This is why you sleep at night, so you don't have to see or hear what the others are doing when the lights are out."

Joel just waved her off with his hand and Y/N craned her neck in an attempt to see just what he was doing, but the boy merely moved his body each time so that she couldn't see. "Joel!" Y/N complained, but the boy was already turning around, his hands behind his back as he grinned at her.

She fell silent almost instantly, the grin making her heart skip a beat while she watched him stop on the other side of the counter. "You ready?" he asked and Y/N nodded her head eagerly, her stomach growling at the thought of food. Joel's smile widened and he quickly took his hand out from around his back and slammed an apple onto the table in front of her.

Y/N stared at the apple with a blank look on her face before scowling up at her friend. Joel just smiled and leaned his arms on the counter before he shrugged, "I never said what I was making you for breakfast."

"You didn't make anything," she pointed out, grumbling softly to herself as she grabbed the apple and took a bite out of it. "You tricked me."

"Hey, but look on the bright side," Joel told her and the girl raised an eyebrow. "Now that you're up, we can spend more time together and I don't have to be alone!"

Y/N made a face before looking to her apple and chuckling as she took another bite. "Well, joke's on you because today's planning day," she said, her words making Joel frown because he knew that planning day meant she would be with the hunting crew all day and not him.

"But planning day was last week," Joel complained.

"It was actually last month, but nice try," she replied with a smug smile on her face.

"Can't you skip it? I was wanting you to help me with my aim. I'm using the tips that you said, but it would be different if you were actually there to help," Joel said.

"I'm sorry, Joel, but I have to go. I have to pull my weight somehow," Y/N reminded him.

"Then at least let me help out. I don't do anything around here except make shitty minestrone," Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration and not noticing the way Y/N’s eyes seemed to follow the action.

Y/N set the apple down, rolling her eyes slightly when Joel picked it up and angrily took a bite out of the other side. "First of all, your minestrone is heaven, so never refer to it as shitty ever again," she told him. Joel just looked away and Y/N sighed before reaching out and setting a hand on top of the boy's arm. He hesitantly looked her way and she offered him a small smile. "I know you may think you don't do anything to help out around here, but you do, Joel. You help out in more ways than you may think."

Joel looked away and bit into the apple again. "You're just trying to make me feel better and I appreciate it, but we both know I don't do anything," he muttered. "Not anything important anyways."

"Joel," Y/N began but the sound of someone yelling her name made her fall short. She glanced in the direction of the voice, putting together who was calling for her and why. It was planning day after all and those days always started at dawn so that they could get some training out of the way before mapping out their next hunting trip.

Sighing, Y/N looked back at Joel and gave his arm one more squeeze. "That's my cue to leave," she said, pulling herself up out of her chair. The girl began to make her way towards the door before pausing and looking back at Joel who was just staring at the table with the half eaten apple in hand.

Before Joel knew what was happening, Y/N was jumping on him from behind, her arms wrapping around his frame for a quick hug as she kissed his cheek and said, "Have a great day, Joel. I'll see you later for lunch, okay? Love you." She then slyly stole the apple from him and winked in his direction before running out of the room as her name was yelled out once again.

Joel couldn't help but smile as he watched the girl leave, ignoring the way his heart seemed to skip a beat which was unusual for him.

"Love you too," he whispered.

- - -

Y/N stared at the map in front of them with a contemplating look upon her face. She was resting her head on her hand and gently tapped her finger against her cheek while her eyes flickered over the marks they had already made.

"Why don't we try over here?" Y/N suggested, pointing towards the section that they had already marked off as 'Do Not Enter.'

All eyes turned to her almost immediately and Connor shook his head. "Y/N, you know why we don't go over there," he told her, referencing the incident where half of their hunting squad got killed, but the girl was persistent.

"That was back when we were just beginning our second year down here. We're more prepared now," Y/N told them. "Every time we go hunting, we stay close enough that we can run back to the bunker if needed. We can't keep living like this. I mean, aren't you guys a little bit curious as to what it's like out there?"

There was a unanimous, "No."

Y/N frowned and looked back down at the map, her fingers now brushing across the small area she had been pointing at while the others all watched her. “Y/N," Anna Lucia sighed, walking over to the girl's side and placing a hand on her shoulder. "There are so many unknowns out there and you know that. What if we go out there and our whole hunting party gets eaten by those monsters? What would the others do?"

"Live off Joel's minestrone," Y/N suggested before sighing and looking towards her friend. "But what if we don't die? What if this opens up a whole new world for us?"

Anna Lucia squeezed the girl's shoulder before whispering, "We can't risk it."

Y/N frowned and looked away while Anna Lucia let her hand fall back down to her side. "Anna Lucia's right except for the being able to live off Joel's minestrone thing. I'm pretty sure he'd be out there trying to avenge you before even thinking about making minestrone," Tim spoke up.

"He wouldn't be stupid enough to do that," Y/N assured them.

"He'd be reckless enough," Connor retorted. Y/N gave him a look and the man sighed, "Seriously, Y/N? When are you two just going to grow a pair and tell each other how you feel?"

Y/N blinked in surprise, a light blush taking over her features as she looked around at her friends who were all smirking. "W-What?" she whispered.

"Gosh, you're insufferable sometimes," Anna Lucia muttered jokingly. "It's obvious that you like him and he is your best friend who is also the only one that's still single down here."

"Joel and I—" Y/N hesitated, the thought of actually being with Joel like that making her heart flutter. "We're just friends," she insisted before giving them all a sad smile. "We won't be getting together."

"It's only a matter of time," Anderson smirked making the girl glare in his direction. However, she didn't get a chance to say or do anything because they all were frozen in place as the lights to the bunker flickered on and off before turning on once again.

"What was—" Anna Lucia began, but Y/N could already feel the hairs on the back of her neck standing on end and had a sneaking suspicion of what was happening.

"Breach," she muttered at the same time someone yelled out from another room, "There's been a breach!"

They all ran out of the room, a few of them scanning the perimeter before they made their way to the main room where everyone was waiting to help them get ready. They hurriedly put what armor they did have on their bodies and Y/N was pulling her hair back into a ponytail when she noticed Joel stumbling into the room with all the weapons in hand.

"Guys! Guys! I got the weapons," Joel announced before proceeding to hand them out to the hunters that walked by.

"Stay," Anderson told him as he took a crossbow.

Joel blinked in surprise, "What? What's happening? What's going on?"

"We've been breached," Y/N explained while she waited for Anna Lucia to grab her weapon so that she could finally reach Joel.

"Breached?" Joel asked. "What do you mean? Like, inside the bunker breached?"

"That's what 'breached' means, kiddo. Y/N, come on," Connor demanded causing the girl to sigh in frustration as him and all the hunters left the room. She turned to Joel who was still trying to process what was happening.

"Joel," she said and he quickly turned to her.

"Right. Right. Here," he muttered as he held out a back holster with two katanas strapped in. She had taken them off of a guy back when the apocalypse had first begun. He had been dead and it wasn't like he planned on using them anyways, so she had taken them in order to keep herself alive. They were her weapon of choice, but she was also one of the best shooters they had so she tended to use a crossbow when necessary. "And here's this," he told her before handing her a crossbow as well.

"Thanks," Y/N told him before nodding her head at him and running out of the room.

"Wait!" Joel yelled, but the girl was already gone. "Breached," he muttered to himself in shock before running after his best friend. By the time he made it to where everyone was, Y/N was already inspecting the gate to the sewers with a frown on her face and her crossbow at the ready while some others worked on getting it open.

"Anna Lucia, Y/N and I will engage," Connor directed. "Anderson and Tim, flank us."

"Flank 'em, yeah, okay. Where do you guys need me? The rear, or. . ." Joel trailed off causing them all to look his way, including Y/N.

"I thought we were past this, Joel," Tim told him as they all looked back to gate.

"Past what? You need help. I can help," Joel insisted. "In case you've forgotten, Robin and I are a duo and I know she goes on the hunting trips and I don't, but this I can help with. Let me help."

"You gonna make me say it?" Connor asked.

"Say what?" Joel questioned.

"You can't handle it, Joel," Connor told him.

"You're shook," Tim added.

"Okay, yeah. So, you guys don't get scared ever?" Joel asked them.

"We get scared."

"We all get scared, Joel, but you get really scared."

"We're not trying to make you feel bad."

"We love you, Joel."

"But you're unsafe."

"You're a liability."

"Even on supply runs."

"Guys!" Y/N exclaimed glaring at the men while Joel looked between them a bit confused.

"Okay, why did that speech feel so rehearsed?" Joel questioned.

"He's got a point," Y/N muttered, turning back around while she nervously fidgeted her hands against the crossbow. "If you're going to tell him something like that at least be sincere instead of rehearsing in your mirror beforehand."

"We did not—" Tim began, but the sound of a growl and something banging against metal made them all tense while Joel jumped back a good foot from where he originally was.

"Connor, Y/N," Karen said as she handed a device to the man. Y/N quickly stood up and hurried over, her eyes flickering over the screen where she could see a blue dot making its way through the sewers towards them.

"Shit," she muttered before standing up more and cracking her neck. She got an arrow ready in the crossbow and jumped in place for a moment to get her nerves out. "Let's do this."

"Okay, 30 meters out. Let's move," Connor directed.

The sewer door was pulled down before the hunters began making their way inside. Y/N was about to follow when someone grabbed ahold of her wrist. She looked back, her eyes locking with Joel's as he held on tightly and whispered, "I can help, Robin."

Y/N let her eyes flicker over his face while her mouth opened up to say something. However, she found herself unable to. All she could imagine was Joel getting attacked by whatever creature was in the sewers at that very moment. She couldn't let him go in there, no matter how badly he wanted to. This was the first time a breach like this had ever happened. Who knew what awaited them down there?

The girl rushed forward, hugging the boy tightly and making him stumble back a bit in surprise. She didn't give him time to react before she was pulling away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, quickly turning around and climbing into the sewers. However, she didn't disappear before she yelled out, "No one let Joel follow!"

Joel's eyes widened. "What?" he exclaimed before attempting to rush forward, but Tim was already there to stand in his way. "Tim, you got to let me go with her. I can't let her go alone. I-I can help."

"She'll be fine, Joel. Y/N’s a survivor. She won't let whatever creature this is take her down," Tim assured him before reaching out to grab the curtain. "You heard what she said. Now go with them." He then pulled the curtain between the two, effectively blocking Joel's view of the tunnel and leaving the boy standing there with a numb feeling coursing through his body.

"Robin," he muttered in frustration before turning on his heels and running to the room everyone was in. The door was locked behind him and Joel quickly shoved his way to the front so that he could watch the monitor with Karen and Kala.

They could all see five yellow dots moving through the tunnels near a bigger blue dot in the center of the screen. "They're getting close," Karen muttered, a silence falling upon them all as they noticed the five dots stop not too far away from the creature. Before anyone knew what was happening, the blue dot lunged out and grabbed ahold of one of the yellow dots.

"Shit."

"Oh, my God."

"It's got one of 'em."

"What about the others?"

The lights began to flicker while Joel felt his heart drop to his stomach. "Y/N," he whispered, his voice making everyone look his way. He was pale, his hands shakily holding onto the crossbow in his hands.

"We don't know if that's her, Joel," Karen tried to tell him. "She could be fine. She—"

"I'm going after her," he said before turning and running for the door. Everyone's eyes widened as people began to make a move towards him, by the boy was quick and already had the door open.

"Joel!" Kala yelled.

"They need help. My best friend needs help. I'm going," Joel insisted before running out the door and slamming in shut behind him.

Joel spun around quickly, crossbow in the air while he nervously looked around the bunker. It was like he was walking into a foreign place, the usual warm feeling of the bunker being replaced with nothing but an eerie feeling and a coldness that shook him to his very core.

His breathing was shaky as he began to walk forward, his eyes flickering around his surroundings while Joel tried to keep himself calm. The only thing keeping him from collapsing in fear was the knowledge that Y/N was out there possibly hurt. He had to get to her. He had to.

The lights flickered as he slowly made his way back towards the tunnels where he knew he had his best access to the others. It was a deafening silent as he walked into the room, so quiet in fact that his ears were ringing.

He nervously looked around and adjusted his hands on the crossbow. As he grew closer to the curtain Tim had pulled out earlier, a new sound filled his ears while his feet slowly stepped in the new puddles of water and blood that were on the ground. The sight made him feel sick to his stomach, so Joel did his best to keep his eyes staring straight ahead.

A lightbulb exploding behind him made the boy jump and spin around, his eyes wide in fear before he realized what had happened and turned back around. He could hear Tim and Connor's words replaying over and over in his head.

We all get scared, Joel, but you get really scared.

You're unsafe.

You're a liability.

Joel walked forward and took in a shaky breath as he attempted to push the voices from his head. His eyes continued to survey the area and he hesitated at the sight of a figure on the other side of the curtain. It almost looked like—

"Connor?" Joel questioned, his voice barely above a whisper. When there was no response, Joel furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and lowered his crossbow just a bit. "Connor?"

It was at that moment that a loud hissing sound came from the other side of the curtain and Connor's body limply flew across the room before being shoved into the mouth of whatever creature was over there with him. Lights from the other side shinned their shadows against the curtain and Joel's eyes widened in fear as he slowly took a step back.

Joel's whole body was shaking, his eyes tearing up a little as he feared for not only his life, but Y/N’s as well. If the creature had done what it did to Connor with Y/N. . .well, Joel didn't even want to think about what he would do.

It seemed he wouldn't have to because at that moment the monster finished up eating Connor and turned its attention towards the curtain. It made a noise that Joel swore was able to rattle his bones. The crossbow was back up in position once again, but his hands were shaking so badly that he knew if he didn't get his fear together he was going to be the monster's dessert to the meal it just ate.

The monster began to stand up on the other side of the curtain, its shadow growing bigger and making Joel gulp. He shakily got the crossbow ready to fire before freezing at the sight of the monster appearing over the top of the curtain.

There were tears in his eyes at this point and Joel couldn't even move as he watched the monster tear the curtain down before moving towards him. A few tears slid down his face and Joel felt the fear and panic coursing through his veins.

He closed his eyes as the monster grew nearer, his face confronting in pain and fear as he felt the monster's breath fanning his face and heard the growls rattling in his head.

Then before he knew what had happened, he heard the sound of something flying through the air and then the monster cried out in agony. He felt someone rush by him and opened his eyes to find Y/N standing above the monster's dead body, one katana dripping with blood in one hand while the other protruded from the center of the monster's face.

"D-Did I kill it, or did you?" Joel whispered, her eyes flickering between Y/N who still had yet to turn around and look at him, Tim, and Anna Lucia.

"What do you think?" Anna Lucia asked.

"Robin," he muttered for he knew she had been the one to save him, his eyes flickering back over to his best friend. It was then that she turned to look at him, her whole body shaking as she breathed heavily and attempted to calm herself down. Joel inhaled sharply at the sight of her, her face covered in dirt and blood while a scratch ran down the length of her arm from where the monster had no doubt tried to grab ahold of her.

Joel began to break at that, tears rolling down his face even more while Y/N pulled the other katana out of the monster's head before shoving them both into their sheaths. She moved forward in an instant, her hands grabbing ahold of Joel's arms while she looked to him with a worried gaze.

"Joel, are you okay? Are you hurt?" she asked earning a slow shake of his head in response. "What were you doing? What were you thinking? You could've gotten killed!"

Joel slowly lifted his gaze to her, his whole body still shaking as he whispered, "You-You were in trouble, Robin. I—"

Joel was unable to finish what he was saying, his words being cut off as he closed his eyes and more tears fell. It was obvious he was holding back a sob due to the fact they were in front of other people and Y/N felt herself soften almost immediately.

She was wrapping her arms around his neck without a second thought, pulling him in for a hug which Joel quickly accepted. His arms were around her waist and he held onto her tightly while he shook, his tear filled eyes flickering to the ground where the monster that had been seconds away from killing him laid dead on the ground.

- - -

Oh, and I have a pretty severe freezing problem.

But I am working on it.

- - -

Tag List

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@eternallyvenus

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[tloujm]

Part I: Going Home

Author’s Notes: This is the first chapter of my first Joel Miller fic. As mentioned in an earlier post on my main page, my desire was to veer away from canon and it does...like a lot. It still keeps enough details to make it familiar, but I rearranged it to fit the plot that I had in my head. This takes place after the events of TLOU. It does utilize some scenes at the end of the first video game, but most of the plot is inspired by the second game. The reader, you, is replacing Ellie. Instead of a father/daughter relationship, there is a romantic relationship between Joel and a more age appropriate OC/reader. The reader is still younger than him but an adult. Its up to your imagination how much of an age difference there is. I try to keep things vague regarding the physical description of his romantic interest to make it easily relatable for a variety of readers. It’ll probably get more specific in later chapters to help with imagery of certain scenes *wink wink*. I’ve proof read it, but let me know if things don’t make sense. Please show love if you enjoyed reading it! Even if no one reads this, I enjoyed pouring out my love (and lust) for Joel. 

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary:  Joel drove you to Jackson to live a more stable and comfortable life. It was his best way to protect you; that and lie about what really happened at the Fireflies hospital. His goal was to move on from anything Fireflies related, but you couldn’t quite do that. So many questions ate at you which caused your emotions to conflict. You wanted to trust Joel; you felt something deep for him. Unbeknownst to you, he came to terms with his love for you when your life was threatened at the hospital. It was you or them and he chose you.  

Ship: JoelxReader

“They stopped looking for a cure. I’m taking us home.” Joel said before falling silent on the car ride to Jackson. 

It was a long ride from the hospital in Utah to Maria’s settlement in Wyoming. You would drift in and out of sleep in the back of the car Joel was driving. Home. He said it so naturally as if Jackson was the destination the whole time. A home felt comfortable. The word gave you warm feelings as it was something you hadn’t known for a very long time. That sense of content mingled with the anesthesia allowed you to push away any more questions you had. 

They were still there, however; popping up more frequently in your head. After the car ride, Joel was careful not to mention anything related to the Fireflies or the hospital around you. His lack of transparency caused you to be a bit hesitant. The words just wanted to roll off your tongue; it was so close, you could taste it. Tell me everything. What did the test results say? Where are the other immune? How could they have given up? You remember the look in the eyes of the Fireflies back east. They were so eager to find a cure. 

Just a week ago, there was no one in the world you trusted more than Joel. Being around a group of strangers in a state that you’d never been in, Joel was a crutch. He trusted the place because of Tommy, so you knew you should too, but it wasn’t that easy. At the same time, however, you had the instinct to keep your distance from Joel. He caused an inner conflict with you. 

The settlement itself was easy to love though. The running water, electricity, stable of horses, fresh food and the list went on. It wasn’t easy to maintain these resources, but it was damn better than hunting and gathering out there everyday. Joel picked out an empty house within the settlement walls large enough for the two of you. He fully expected you two to sleep in separate rooms but he did not expect you to reject the house altogether. He may have been your social crutch, but you just felt better being in your own four walls. Being protective, he preferred to have you close, so the two of you made a compromise by agreeing that you live in the garage. It was quite large as it was a two-car. After a little while, you were able to make it up in a way that suited you. Soon enough, the only thing you had to share with him in the main house was the bathroom. It wasn’t that you wanted to avoid him completely. In fact, he peaked a certain interest in you which furthered the inner conflict. 

Having space from Joel was difficult because you hadn’t yet made friends. Between the anesthesia weakening your body and Joel’s air of mystery, people tended to tread lightly around you.The only other people you really talked to outside of him were Maria and Tommy. It was surprisingly easy to fall into a domestic routine of sorts. The two of you ate together, walked around outside together, patrolled together. Watching Joel sit on the porch or relax on the couch after a long day gave you a glimpse into how he must have looked before the world went to shit. After all that he’d been through, watching him rest warmed your heart. He deserved it, you thought. He didn’t smile often, but you caught him smiling more since arriving home. 

Laying in your bed, you thought back to the period right before you arrived at the hospital. It was probably the best part of the whole journey. The weather was just starting to get warm again, the scenery was lush and most impactful of all, the two of you were getting along. Not just in a civil way, but in a ‘something more’ kind of way. At least that’s what you felt and you couldn’t help but tread across those waters. Joel became more open with you. He would play into your flirtatious antics as if he wanted more. Despite knowing that the journey was nearing its end, Joel allowed himself to enjoy your company as you did his. You remembered that he even asked if you wanted to continue the journey further, at one point. He said that the two of you could turn back now and head north to Jackson. Sometimes, you wish that you had chosen that option instead, but you know that you’d just regret not choosing the hospital even more. 

Seeing Joel’s guard fall down, slow as it was, still is sometimes, made you happy because you liked the person that you saw underneath it all. It was still a struggle some days, though. A hardened look would appear on Joel’s face at the mention of the Fireflies, even if it was unrelated to you. Moments like those reminded you of the questions that formed not too long ago in your head. Moments like those prompted you to form new questions. Why did he look so defensive? What was he hiding behind those darkened eyes? 

After a few months of living in Jackson, you had finally mustered up the courage to talk to Joel about that day back in Utah. What was the worst that could happen? You were comfortable around him and he cared about you. He never said those words, but you knew that he did. You wouldn’t be in Jackson if he didn’t. 

“Joel?” You shout from downstairs. You entered the house from the back door without knocking like you usually did. He wasn’t scheduled for patrols today so you were hoping that he was home. 

“M’up here.” His voice responded from upstairs. You walked up the steps until you reached the hallway. The only door open was that of his craft room. 

“You making something?” You gestured to the raw piece of wood in his hand. He looked up from his whittling knife and turned to face you standing in the doorway. 

He shook his head. “I dunno what I should make,” He offered up a half smile. “Just shavin’ off pieces ‘til I figure somethin’ out.” He sat the knife down onto the workbench. “What is it, (Y/N)?”

You shrug casually. “Just wanted to see what you were up to.” You moved into the room and found a place to sit. Joel scoffed at his dinged up piece of wood before setting that down too. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Shoot, darlin’.” His pet name for you always made the nerves that you had melt away, to an extent. You would constantly tell yourself that there was no reason to be nervous around him, but you saw the way he looked when he was triggered by certain words.

You let out a breath. “You know, back in Boston when I was bitten, I was not alone. My friend was there. She was my best friend actually.” You look down at the wooden floor. “Well, she got bitten too. We didn’t know what to do. We were scared. So she says, ‘Let’s just wait it out. We can be all poetic and just lose our minds together.’ She...I didn’t…” You shake your head. “I’m still waiting for my turn.”

“(Y/N)” Joel began before you cut him off.

“It was her, then everyone else I attempted to get close to after that. Why do I get to live when they don’t? Each time, others have had to take my turn for me and I don’t know why?” You pause. “Why am I immune?” It was the first question you had for the Fireflies but everything happened so quick and next thing you knew, everything went black. 

“(Y/N), that’s not on you.” Joel said gently. “I’ve struggled for a long time with survivin’.” He let out a sigh. “No matter what, you gotta keep finding somthin’ to fight for.” He made sure to look you in the eyes, even if you didn’t want to meet his.

“You don’t under---” You start.

Joel cuts in. “Now, I know that’s not what you wanna hear right now, but it’s---”

You speak up. “Back at the hospital...” You watched as his face began to harden. You contemplated what to say next. “Just swear to me. Swear that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.” He repositioned himself in the chair, never breaking eye contact with you.

His voice turned gruff. “I swear.” You stared at him for a long moment to read his face. He looked you dead in the eye and gave you his word. How much could you trust a man that would do that and still lie?

“Okay.” You nodded your head and left him alone in the room. Joel had half a mind to go after you, but decided best to give you space. You asked him to swear and he did.

*****

“(Y/N), You comin’?” Joel asked from the other side of the garage door after knocking. You didn’t forget that Tommy had invited the two of you over for dinner. After talking to Joel, however, you weren’t much in the mood.

“I’m coming.” You said with a huff.

You quickly threw on something nicer than what you usually wore and opened the door. You found him standing there waiting. He turned to you and smiled as if the most intense conversation you’ve had with him in months hadn’t just occurred. You offered a tight lined smile in return before walking off. The air was crisp and the temperature was just right. It didn’t take much for him to keep pace with you. Joel took glances at you every so often. You would only look back at him when he wasn’t. The thing was, you weren’t sure if he was actually lying. You could only translate the feeling in your gut. You stopped on the stoop of Tommy and Maria’s house as Joel lifted his knuckles to rasp the door. He waited a moment and glanced at you again.

“Hey!” Tommy exclaimed after opening the door. “Come on in.”

“Thanks, Tommy.” Joel muttered as he walked in. 

“Yeah, thanks for having us.” You followed. 

“Of course. It’s not often we all have a night off at the same time.” Maria chimed from the dining room. Joel grunted in agreement.

“C’mon, have a seat in here.” Tommy guided us out of the hallway. “Dinner’s just about ready, right hun?”

“I hope y’all like duck! I tried my best with it. I’ve never cooked duck before.” She brought a large roasting dish into the room and sat it in the middle of the table. “If not, there’s still mashed cauliflower and gravy right there and then some lima beans over there.”

“I’m sure it’ll taste really good, Maria.” You said.

“Now, where did y’all find a duck?” Joel inquired as a way to make conversation.

“I went hunting, brother mine.” Tommy replied, patting his older brother on the shoulder before sitting. Joel rolled his eyes and gave Tommy a pointed glare to which he chuckled. “Jesse told me about a new pond he discovered while out on patrol and well, you know, where there’s water, there’s life. So I decided to go see for myself and I took my rifle with me.”

“Shoulda told me. I would’ve gone with you.” Joel responded. He held out his glass as Maria came around with a pitcher of water. He nodded at her in gratitude.

“Nah. Wanted it to be a surprise for the dinner here. You ever had duck?” Tommy turned to you.

“No.” You shook your head. Tommy could sense there was something up between you two but he knew better than to bring it up at the dinner table. He wondered if Maria had caught on.

“Duck.” Tommy stated with a sigh, trying to think of something else to say. “Always thought it was a rich man’s food. Now look at us.” He carved into the breast of the roasted duck and began to serve portions.

“Next time, I’ll bring some caviar.” You spoke up. You saw what Tommy was trying to do, so you in turn tried your hand at comic relief. Luckily for you, it worked. The room broke out in laughter.

Maria sat down and grabbed her husband’s hand to her right and yours to her left. This prompted you to take Joel’s hand into yours. “We are rich in our blessings. We have food and we have each other.”

Maria quickly said grace before everyone at the table dug in. For something you’d never tasted before, it was good. It wasn’t your favorite meat but the dinner as a whole was delicious and fulfilling. You think back for a moment on how your full belly now contrasted to that of yours a year ago. The four of you sat at the table for an hour after finishing the meal. You had to admit that it was an awkward start but these were the people that you were most comfortable with in the whole town. That had to mean something. Even things with Joel subsided, if just for the evening.

The rest of the night was spent in the living room. The four of you caught up with each other. At times, the conversation included everybody and at others, it was just between Tommy and Joel which elicited Maria to spark up a conversation with you.

“How’s things going?” She gestured her head toward Joel. She caught on. “If you guys need anything, you know all you have to do is ask. We’re happy to do what we can.”

“Oh, we’re fine. I’m fine. I’m sure Joel’s fine but thank you.” You replied.

She looked at you for a moment. “Is there something going on between you two? I’ve seen the way Joel looks at you. Even the first time y’all came around to Jackson. I saw it back then and I know you live with him.”

You glanced up at him then shifted back to Maria. “Well technically I don’t...um no. There’s nothing between us. We’re friends.” You shrugged as if you had no idea what she was talking about. “I guess after traveling so far for so long, you just grow attached to each other, but that’s it.”

“I think he’s grown more than attached to you.” She shrugged as well. “But if he’s not who you want, then that’s fine. Just please don’t hurt him. Tommy has told me things about his past all the way down to their childhood. I don’t know what he’s shared with you, but he’s had it rough.” To this day, Joel hadn’t shared much with you, but you didn’t need to know exactly what happened in his past to know he’s had it rough. Everybody’s had it rough in different ways. 

“I could never hurt him.” You meant it. You just hoped that he could say the same about you. “I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

“Go ahead.” She replied.

“How do I go about changing my patrols? I don’t want to stop going out with Joel, but I would like to do it with other people. Make some new friends.”

She smiled. “I think that’s a good idea. Jesse is one of the patrol leaders as well as Tommy of course. Talk to one of them about it. They can pair you up with an experienced patroller to start you off. I know you’ve got experience patrolling with Joel, but it's just protocol when someone takes a different route than usual.” She paused for a moment to down the rest of her water. “Hell, Jesse might even take you out himself. He’s a good kid.”

“Thanks.” You replied.

[multi-fandom-imagine]

You’re My Light || Joel Miller ||

A/n: I know I had a request about Joel falling for a firefly, set during the second game but Joel will not die here!!

Warnings: Character death, blood / light gore, hinted at smut.

When you first saw Joel Miller the man was covered in blood, you may have been a doctor but seeing him it just made your stomach churn. Abby told you to keep him alive, that she had plans for him. Doing as you were told you somehow managed to stop the bleeding, stitch the open wounds he had and wrap anyone that you were not able to do. It was touch and go for a while but you were able to keep him alive scolding anyone that would try and bother you.

Once the blood was gone and as his wounds healed you started to notice how handsome the man was. Chestnut brown hair peppered with grey, he really screamed the title Silver Fox and part of you wanted to hear what he sounded like. You were positive it was something deep, husky, a voice that would match his handsome face.

It was odd, with how much time you were spending with a man that was in a coma. You’d like to read to him, out of your favorite books that the others managed to find or ones you found yourself. You hoped that you did something for him though Abby was starting question why you spent so much of your time with him but it was easy to come up with an excuse. 

“I’m the only one here that won’t kill him...what do you want me to do Abby. You said you wanted him alive.”

Then it happened, he woke up. You weren’t with him when it happened, to busy playing with the dogs. Stepping into the room you heard shouting, panicked voice’s. You did your best to calm everyone down, you rather not deal with another injured person.

Though seeing the look in the man’s eyes you couldn’t help but notice how scared he looked, the confusion in his eyes.

“Who the hell are you people! where the hell am I!”

“You’re with the fireflies.”

“Y/n!”

Ignoring the shout of one of the scouters you slowly walked towards Joel, still cuffed to the bed you did not want him to injure himself more.

“The who? who the hell are the fireflies?”

That didn’t sound good, that did not sound good at all.

It was odd having Joel working with you but with his memory completely shot Abby thought it would be best to just use him, he was good with a gun and if he started to remember, well a bullet to the head would fix that problem.

“Y/n....I don’t think I properly thanked you, for saving my life.”

Laughing softly you waved him off, you were looking for more medicine as he stayed with you to keep you safe.

“Well, it is my job.” Grinning you gave him a wink as you then turned your attention back to the pharmacy.

Sighing, Joel ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head. Stepping forward he then grabbed your wrist gently. “I ain’t...you didn’t.” Letting out another sigh his thumb ran over your skin. “You didn’t have to read to me.”

“What?”

“I heard your voice.” Dropping your wrist, Joel turned his head away. “I do’t remember what you were talking about but I do remember hearing your voice...it really helped me.”

Biting your tongue you gave him a smile and just as you were about to reply you felt a rain drop hit your nose. “Shit.”

Then it started to down pour, breaking the window to the store Joel helped out in and once you made sure it was safe you started to laugh.

“Why are you laughing?” Joel scowled as he ran his fingers through his hair doing his best to dry it, his shirt clinging tightly to his body.

“Do I need a reason?” Stifling your laughter, you nibbled your lip watching him. “You look go wet.?”

Blinking, Joel tensed then cleared out his throat as he looked you over. You could have sworn the mans voice got deeper. “Shouldn’t I be sayin that about you?”

Then the next thing you knew his lips were on yours, then both of your clothing was gone and soon the man was thrusting into your warmth. His thrusts were hard and fast but that didn’t matter to you, not when it felt so good.

“Joel!”

Though of course, all good things must come to an end because Joel got his memory back and they were going to kill him. Covered in blood, hand shaking from the scalpel you were clutching tightly. You had to get out of sigh, ducking in a corner you waited for them to pass before you rushed to the next room where Joel was being kept.

It won’t be long until they found her, until they know that you were the cause of her death. 

Unlocking the door you slipped into the room, Joel with his hands bound behind his back. Someone you didn’t know guarding him, the man must not have heard you and knowing you couldn’t go back now you snuck up behind him quickly slitting his throat.

Ignoring the body falling to the ground you quickly cut the binds to Joel’s wrist. Not questioning your motives Joel cupped your cheek for a moment before he grabbed the gun off the body.

Nothing needed to be said as you two fled the building, only missing the group of Fireflies bursting in the room.

You both road for days, your arms clinging to Joel’s torso the man seeming to remember his own compound.

He finally slowed the horse spotting the walls coming into view, it was when he dismounted was that he actually got a good look at you. Your body was still shaking, still covered in blood and he hated this.

He was supposed to protect you, not have you get scared. Letting his thumb glide across your cheek you closed your eyes then collapsed into his chest sobbing.

“I killed her...I had no choice.”

“Who?”

“Abby.” You whispered, Joel’s fingers rubbing your back gently.

Earlier-

You had a blissful smile on your face, Joel always managed to do that to you. He always seemed to know what made you feel better and you knew why. You loved him. He made you feel good, happy and you didn’t care what he did. Deep down you always knew that their wasn’t a cure but that did not stop Abby from hating the man.

And while he gained his memory back you stayed quiet, you weren’t going to let the others know but somehow they did, someone found out and told Abby. Smile vanishing from your face you quickly raced off to Abby, you had to stop her. Convince her to let him go, let him live.

Stepping into the room you were relived to see she was alone, closing the door you slowly stepped forward. “Abby...please don’t do this...let him go.”

“You knew this was going to happen.” She didn’t even look at you, her gaze was to focused on her gun.

“Please” You voice was barley a whisper. “Abby I love him..”

“I loved my father...he took that from me.”

“How can you be so selfish?”

Not saying a ward Abby stormed passed out, her hand on her gun. It was a knee jerk response. Your hand went to grab her wrist, she backhanded you while your hand shot up in defense. It was not until you felt something wet on your hand followed by the gurgle of blood was that your opened your eyes. The scalpel in your hand was now buried in her throat, you never meant to do it but it was to late to save her.

Yanking the small blade out, you watched as the blood continue to flow, Covering the floor, your shirt, arm, everything was red. You must have severed the carotid artery. It did not take long for her death though for you it felt like hours. Holding back the bile you quickly slipped out of the room, locking the door.

It was now or never now, you had to get to Joel and you two had to leave now.

After your break down Joel held you in his arms, he wasn’t going to say anything to you. He just wanted you to know that he was not going to leave you. “Don’t lose that light in your eyes y/n....it’s why I love you” And once again you saved his life, he was going to make sure to see you smile again.

Once you finally calmed, you and Joel resumed your journey back to his compound. Everyone was shocked to see him alive, Ellie most of all broke down seeing the man she thought of as her father.

The people living in the compound were weary of trusting you though Joel made sure everyone knew what you did.How you nursed him back to health, stayed by his side when he lost his memory to how you helped him escape. He told Tommy and Ellie that he loved you, that he did not care you were a firefly.

A year had passed, the nightmares faded and soon they were replaced with happy memories of Ellie teaching you how to hunt and in return you teaching her on what plants that were safe to eat and the ones that was use in medicines.

With Joel singing to you before you fall asleep and Tommy telling you that he wishes you and Joel could have met sooner.

Though the best thing that happened was you telling Joel of your pregnancy, seeing his eyes light up with happiness. Hand gently resting on your stomach, near tears telling you how happy he is and the excitement in his voice when he tells the others.

You laugh when Ellie squeals at the chance of her being a big sister and that her and Dina are going to teach your child everything.

Sighing, you close your eyes leaning back into Joel’s arms. The man humming into your ear as his hand caresses your stomach.  “I finally found my light.”

Smiling, you placed your hand on top of his. “Funny, cause I found mine too.”

[kyber-kisses]

Hymn (Part 2)

Winchester brothers x Sister!reader (Platonic)

wanna start from the beginning? Here is the Masterlist!

Warnings: cursing, its mostly fluff my dudes.

Summary: Y/N Winchester has wrestled with demons ever since her mother died, but when her younger brothers lives are in danger it’s their souls she fights to save, because isn’t that what a big sister should do?

A/n:OK so i may or may not be in love with writing this series, but whatever. This fic is based on the lyrics from joel porters Hymn. Hope you guys enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated!

Dean woke up in a cold sweat, his eyes straining in the utter darkness of his room while his breathing rate slowly began to steady from where it had been seconds ago. Shifting on the mattress he flicked on the bedside lamp and slowly sat up, his black sleep shirt clinging to his skin.

“Fuck.”

Dragging a shaky hand down his face, he took a deep breath. It had been a long time since he had that nightmare. He had hoped it had gone away completely but apparently his mind wouldn’t let it go. . . Then again it was a memory. Just a memory. A terrible, horrible memory. and some memories just don't go away.

Glancing over at the clock on his nightstand he found that he had slept in, which was unlike him. The neon red numbers telling him that it was a quarter past ten. Sliding on his robe, he made his way for the door, the only thing on his mind being a cup of coffee

. . . Until he halted in his tracks and looked back.

It was still there. Then again where else would it be? Even though the back wall of his room was covered in an arrange of weapons, your hunting rifle stood out among the rest like some sort of sad centerpiece. How he had kept hold of it all these years was beyond him.

He paused for another second before backtracking and slowly taking it off the wall. Your rifle had been your prized possession, and your aim unparalleled. His dad used to say he had never seen someone so young shoot so well. Shifting the gun in his hand, Dean let his thumb trace over your name. You had carved it into the stock when you first got it, using Deans favorite pocket knife for the job.

Miss you.

Almost two and a half decades. That how long you had been gone. He thought losing his mom had been hard, but then you thrust your rifle into his arms and disappeared out that damn motel room door and he never saw you again. That was when he really broke.

Quickly wiping the stray tears from his eyes, he put the rifle back in its place, turned off the lights and headed for the kitchen. Coffee. He needed coffee.

His body went into autopilot and before he knew it he was walking through the threshold of the bunkers kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee pot.

“Well look who finally decided to roll out of bed.”

“Shut up.” Dean grumbled, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hand.

“You okay?”

Dean hummed a response as he poured himself a cup before sinking down into the seat across from his brother. “Yeah, yeah- I uh, just had some really weird dreams.”

“I don’t wanna know-“

“They were about Y/N.”

That was all it took to fully gain the youngest Winchesters attention, his eyes peering over the edge of his coffee cup mid sip. There was a pause as he swallowed. “Y/N?”

“Yeah- it uh-“ Dean pinched the bridge of his nose like it physically pained him to think about it. “It was the night she disappeared. Everything was the same, down to you doing your fucking homework to her teaching me how to shoot her damn rifle.”

“You remember all that?”

“You don’t?” Dean dropped his hand from his face to send his brother a bewildered look.

“I mean, I remember bits and pieces but not every little detail.” Sam shrugged, going back to his coffee.

“That was one of the worst nights of my life.”

Sliding his laptop away from him, Sam folded his arms across the top of the table. “What else do you remember?”

This time it was Deans turn to shrug, eyes fixating on the black liquid in his cup. “Her running out the door and leaving us in the motel room, Her screaming, Dad coming back and going into a full blown panic- I don’t think I had ever seen him so afraid.” Dean swallowed thickly, swirling the contents in his mug. “I remember him just leaving us there so he could look for her. And then he was gone for hours and when he came back all he had was her flannel. The thing was in tatters and covered in blood.”

“I kinda remember that.” Sam nodded, his eyes going to the matching bracelets on his and Deans wrists. Bracelets being a loose term. In reality they were just bits of fabric Dean had salvaged from your flannel later that night. It was one of the few things left of you that they had. “I just mostly remember dad crying after he thought we had gone to bed. It happened every night for weeks.”

“Yeah.” Dean could feel his emotions bubbling up inside him again. His dad had spent months tearing apart the state and the surrounding ones looking for you. But they always came up with nothing.

You were just gone. Like you had been snatched out of thin air.

Dean remembered the months and even years that followed after that so well. They were hard. His big sister was gone and everything felt so much scarier. . . And then dad came to the conclusion that you were dead and that was that. Except Dean refused to believe it. You were so tough and brave, there was no way you could be dead. You couldn’t be dead, he would say constantly. You just needed finding. He kept saying that because he had to believe it. Because being the boy who’d lost his mother was one thing, being the boy who’d lost his mother and sister something else entirely. But as the years went on, he slowly began to lose hope and then one day he just woke up and believed it.

You were dead. If you were alive you would have been home by now. You would have fought every monster in the country if you had to to get back home to them. And if you weren’t back by now, you weren’t coming back ever.

Dean sniffed, feeling the familiar burn in his nostrils telling him tears were coming. Trying to mask it he rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand again. “I miss her.”

“I know. I do to.” Sam sighed, watching his brother try not to break down in front of him. Sam had loved you as much as Dean had but to Dean you were his hero. You always had been. While Sam looked up to Dean, Dean had always looked up to you.

“I’m starting to forget her voice.” Dean suddenly admitted, his voice cracking ever so slightly. “I don’t mean to. . . But it’s fading away.” Slowly rising from his seat, Dean headed for the door. “I hope you can still hear her.”

As Sam watched his brother disappear back down the hallway, he let his mind wander before pushing out of his own seat to go in search of something long forgotten.

*. *. *. *. *. *.

A few hours later Sam found himself wandering towards his brothers room, laptop folded underneath his arm.

“Hey, Dean?” Rapping his knuckles on the door, he leaned against the wall waiting for a response.

“What?”

Taking it as a sign he twisted the handle and nudged open the door, peering into the brightness of Deans room. His brother was seated at his desk, cleaning one of the many guns that usually sat silently on his wall.

“Wait, is that Y/Ns-“

“Rifle. Yeah.” Dean sighed, leaning back in his seat to admire his work.

“I don’t know why you still clean that thing. Neither of us use it. The last person to shoot it was her.” Stepping through the doorway, he walked towards the desk, smiling faintly at the sight of your carved name in the stock.

“Gives me something to do. It’s kinda relaxing actually.” Wiping his hands on his jeans, Dena turned his gaze towards Sam. “What’s up?”

“Oh, uh I found something. C’mon I wanna show you.” Nodding towards the door Sam beckoned his brother to follow, which thankfully he did.

“This better be fuckin worth it.” Dean sighed, his footsteps echoing down the bunker hallway as he followed Sam towards the library.

“Oh trust me, I think it will be.” Adjusting his laptop underneath his arm, Sam stepped up into the well lit room. “Do you remember that old camcorder Y/N used to carry around? The one that we thought broke forever ago?”

“. . . Yeah, why?”

“Well, I dug it out of storage. Turns out, not broken at all.” Sam chuckled, opening up his laptop as he plugged the camcorder into the computer with a usb cable, the screen suddenly lighting up.

“You know, I don’t even remember what’s on here.” Sinking down in the seat besides his brother, Dean leaned forward to watch as Sam worked on pulling up the footage.

“If you break a limb doing this your gonna be the one to tell dad how it happened.” Your voice suddenly echoing through the speakers of the laptop, catching Dean off guard as he sat up straighter.

“I’m gonna be fine! Please Y/N!”

“This is a terrible idea.”

A small smile spread over Deans lips as you suddenly set down the camera walking into view. Dean couldn’t have been more than ten in the footage. An even younger Sam momentary running past as you helped Dean get situated in Bobby’s old hammock.

“Promise you won’t break any bones?”

“Yes.”

“Pinkie promise?” You held up your hand, pinkie extended so Dean could wrap his own around yours.

“Pinkie promise.”

Deans smile steadily grew as the memory came back. Dad has dropped the three of you off at Bobby’s for the weekend and when Dean found out he had a hammock his little boy brain went into overdrive.

“Can you spin it all the way around?”

“All the way around? Bub, your gonna fall out if I do that.” You shook your head before giving into defeat and pulling the hammock back to get it going.

“I won’t! I got this!”

It was proven the exact opposite a minute later when the hammock on the screen arched into a full circle swing, proceeding to send the middle Winchester child flying backwards into the bushes. A six year old Sam screeched with laughter somewhere off camera.

A full bellied laugh escaped Dean as he threw his head back, Sam chuckling besides him.

“I can’t believe I forgot about that! Y/N spent like ten minutes trying to clean all those cuts I got from the friggin bush.” Dean wheezed wiping at the tears still in his eyes. “Was I always that dumb?”

“Bold of you to assume you still aren’t.”

“Hey-“

As the footage quickly switched both brothers lit up again, this time watching as you balanced a seven year old Sam on your shoulders on the end of a weather worn dock.

“Wait- was this the summer we stayed in lake county?” Dean leaned forward on his elbows, eyes bright.

“I think so. Dad worked several cases in that area that year.”

“Y/N, please don’t jump-“ little Sam let out a whine, arms wrapping around your head in fear that he might fall.

“Don’t jump? Don’t jump?! Well now I feel like I should just for the heck of it!” You mused, dangling one foot over the water, hands still wrapped around Sam’s ankles.

“No!”

“Uh-oh, I’m loosing my balance-“ you laughed, feeling Sams grip tighten.

Your playful antics were quickly cut short as Dean blurred into view, his little feet thundering across the dock as he rocketed towards you, laughing. Your head quickly spun around in unison with Sams, both sets of eyes widening as he charged at you.

“Dean, No!”

But it was too late. The blonde rascal came barreling into you and the three of you went over the edge with a series of shrieks and laughs, a spray of water hitting the dock as you went down.

That was all it took to get both brothers laughing again, Dean leaning back in his seat as he gripped his side.

“God, I can’t remember the last time- the last time I laughed this much-“ he panted through chuckles.

“Well there’s several hours of footage on here, so don’t pass out from laughing too much.”

Deans eyes widened as the last of the laughter faded on his lips. “Wait, are you serious?”

“Yeah. Guess Y/N wanted to make sure we had some sort of home videos to watch.”

Letting out a content sigh, the older Winchester nodded. He hadn’t realized until now how much of a childhood you had actually given him and Sam before running out the door. He was grateful.

“Well uh, what else is on here?” Turning back to the screen, Dean leaned foreword on his elbows watching as the footage continued to play.

It didn’t take long for them to realize how much of their childhood you had actually captured. From the time you took them skiing while dad had worked a case in Estes Park to when the three of you dressed up as the three musketeers for Halloween. It was all there. Almost every second of footage filled with full belly laughter and embarrassing moments. That’s how your old camcorder quickly became Deans favorite item in the world.It was a pocket of good memories. A pocket of childhood innocence.

They were closing in on hour two of of the footage while watching you and Dean completely wipe out while tubing that the jade eyed Winchester felt something suddenly shift in him. His laughter slowly petering out along with his smile. The sudden silence catching Sams attention as he looked way from the screen, his own chuckle slowly stopping.

“Dean? You okay?”

He drew in a breath before nodding slightly. “Sam, I think we should go back.”

There was a pause as the youngest of the Winchesters processed what his brother had said. “Seriously, are you sure? We haven’t-“

“Been back there in almost two decades? I know. I just— she deserved better.”

“She totally did.” Sam nodded in agreement. “ I can go pack a bag if you want and we can be out of here in thirty?”

Yeah, that sounds good.” Dean sighed, sucking in another breath. He shouldn’t have gotten all sad about the videos, but the sudden thought that you weren’t around to help make more new memories tore him up inside.

Before leaving, Sam paused in the doorway to turn around one last time. “You know, we should show those to mom at some point. I have a feeling she would really get a hoot out of them.”

“yeah, she totally would.”

SPN Taglist:

@familybusinesswritingbro​​​​​​@a–1–1–3 @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​​​​​​ @music-is-all-i-need @agusdoti​​​​​ @callmekda​​​​​​ @jordangdelacruz​​​​​ @orphiceseum​​​​​ @andthatsmyworld​​​​​ @marvelfangirllll​​​​​​ @fandomnerdespressourself​​​​​​ @gladiosamicitias​​​​​ @castielsangelsx​​​​​ @lxstgxrl-ck​​​​​ @tis-i-the-wayward-idgit @amendoise @phoenixuprisingsstuff​​​​​ @ericalynne007 @kaitlaitlaitl​​​​​​  @totallyluciferr​​​​​​ @supernaturalenchanted​​​​​​ @dolanfivsosxox​​​​​@supernatural-ocs @emptycanvasposts​​​​​ @akshi8278​ @defenderrosetyler​​​​​​ @heyyy-hey-babyyy​​​​​ @idksupernatural​​​​​​ @vicmc624 @all-will-be-well-love@busy-bee-angel-misska @starsandmidnightblue​​​​​​ @lilulo-12fanfiction​ @beanie-beebo​​​​​​ @xoxoaudreymarie​​​​​​ @greenarrowhead​​​​​​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​​​​​​  @mysticalfuncollectorus​​​​​ @brebolin​​​​​ @biahblue​​​​​ @noahandthegiraffe​​

HYMN Taglist:

@biahblue​ @brebolin​ @noahandthegiraffe​ @psych0crybaby​ @beetears​ @supernaturalenchanted​ @skyelikestowrite @leej2468​ @vicmc624​

[ms-rampage]

Eden’s Gate: Aftermath Chapter 4 - Into The Bliss

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Drug trip (Bliss). Kate and Wheaty being an adorable couple.

Word count: 3.6k

This is a short follow up series to Kidnapped leading up to the nuclear holcaust, and the beginning of New Dawn. 

Summary: Kate tries to get over John and gets a surprising visitor. Paige still suffers with the symptoms from Jacob Seed’s classical conditioning despite being dead. Faith/Rachel learns the truth and secrets about the Winchester family. 

Guest OCs: Joel Winchester [mentioned], Daenerys Winchester [as a infant in Bliss trip]

Guest Characters: Castiel [Supernatural: mentioned], Jacob Seed [mentioned], John Seed [mentioned, and in Bliss trip].

*****

A few weeks have passed, mid September is finally here, and the search for Joseph Seed continues. The lead Paige found turned out to be false, and was just an abandoned, small village with a bunch of mannequins and some druggie. Goddamn cops. Damn pigs with their false leads. 

Kenny, Mark, Nate, Cody, Adrian and a few other locals are putting up 2 more houses on the property. They've been putting them up for almost a month now. Since both Paige and Kate are pregnant, Mark, Nate, Adrian, Marty, and Cody’s families are coming to live with them. 

So building 2 more houses will help with the expanding family of hunters.

Kate and Wheaty have gotten a lot closer, finally making their relationship official, despite them making out several times already. Him learning some things about his new girlfriend, like her knowing how to ride a skateboard. 

"I didn't know you skate!" he tells her. She laughs softly, "Yeah, I've been skating for years now" she tells him. 

She rides around the driveway of her house, showing him some tricks. Landing a kickflip, an ollie and all other basic skating tricks and techniques. 

"Even though I'm pregnant I can still skate!" she jokes. Stops in front of him, while standing on the board. Wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him. He breaks the kiss after a several seconds. 

"So!" he says, "How did you know that I liked you?". 

She chuckles, "It was quite obvious. You were always nervous around me. Very awkward". 

He laughs, "Well isn't that how most people act when they're around someone they like?. You're a psychologist so you should know!". 

She gives him a quick peck on the lips, "It's a very common sign". 

As they're making out like a couple of teenagers. 

The guys are putting the foundation of the houses, cutting up wood to build the walls.

“Paige!!!” Kenny calls out for his wife, as he looks around for his extra tools and other materials. 

“Yeah?!?” she responds, standing by the back door.

“Can you get me a hammer, electric saw and the jar of nails from the shed. Please” he asks.

She looks down at the 9 month old infant in her baby wrap.

“Umm” she points to their infant daughter, “I’m a little preoccupied here!!”. 

“Please. They’re not on the top shelf” he says.

She rolls her eyes, “Okay, I’ll be back”.

“Thank you!!” he responds, measuring the pieces of wood. 

Paige walks to the shed they have in the back of their property.

“The stuff your daddy makes me do” she says to Cristina, “You’re gonna be a big sister!. A brother? A little sister?”.

She opens the shed door, a radio on the metal table making an annoying static sound.

“Damn, old ass radio” she mutters as she looks around the jar of nails, and hammer.

Sighing, as she looks around for the hardware tools, “Okay where are you?!?”.

She finds the hammer in a tool box a few inches above her head. As she reaches for the hammer, and grabs it. She bumps into the metal table with the radio on it. The static goes away, becoming clear and an old nightmare of hers comes back.

Only you can make all this world seem right

Only you can make the darkness bright

Paige gasps loudly, drops the hammer, bumping into the shelves knocking over jars, and boxes of tools, grabbing her head. The song plays distortedly, flashbacks from when she was locked in a cage, being tortured by Jacob and going through his trials. Killing those innocent people. His words replaying over, and over in her head.

TRAIN, HUNT, KILL, SACRIFICE. CULL THE HERD.

Her vision turns red, and black. She starts to hyperventilate. Her screams get trapped in her throat.  

Flashing images of dead carcusses of people and animals. The wolves. The Judges. That stupid music box Jacob had to fuck up his victims minds.

Kenny, Adrian, Mandy, Mark, Nate, Kate, Wheaty and everyone else on the property hear Paige’s panicked screams, and Cristina’s cries. They all run to the shed, and find her on the ground screaming, clenching her head.

Cristina crying, and wailing. Only You playing on the radio.

Kate goes to turn off the radio. 

“Paige!!!” Kenny yells, shaking her shoulders, “Paige!!”. She stops screaming, her voice turning hoarse and raspy. Tears streaming down her face, and hyperventilating. 

He takes Cristina from the wrap, and hands her to Mandy, and takes her inside.

“Hey, are you okay?!” Kenny asks, comforting his wife.

She shakes her head, crying into her husband's chest, “No, No. Jacob may be dead but he still lurks in my head”.  He holds his wife, closely, comforting her. Stroking her hair. He, and Mark help her up, and take her inside the house. Sitting at the kitchen table with her mom, sister and Rachel.

“What happened?!” Kate asks.

Stammers over her words, “I-I went to go get a hammer, saw and nails for Kenny. I bumped into the table with the old radio. Then I heard “Only You” play, and I had flashbacks from St. Francis, when I was locked in that cage”. 

Crying softly. Thinking of all that would go away when she killed Jacob a month earlier, but apparently it looks like his spirit is sticking around for a while to torment Paige.

“The images from his stupid slideshow, the trials. Me killing those innocent people under his control with that fucking music box”.

Mandy places her hand on her eldest daughter's hand, “It’ll go away. We’ll work on it”.

Kate clears her throat, “Speaking of Jacob. That day when you kill him, and uh- and I killed John, when we were sent on that Bliss trip. What did you see?”.

Looking down at her hands, Paige says, her voice shaken, “The night dad was killed”.

She turns to Kate, “I saw everything, the whole house went up in flames, and I woke up”.

“I saw the same thing” Mandy says, “Then it was the day I lost both of you”.

“What did you see?!” Paige asks Kate.

“It was from that day Morgan and I exorcised the demon out of John”.

Rachel turns to Kate in confusion, “John got possessed by a demon?!?”.

She nods her head, “Yeah, the demon that was possessing him. Saleos. He had John kill me”.

All 3 of their eyes widened, “You were dead?!?” Mandy exclaims.

Nodding her head, “Yeah, I was strangled by “John”. He couldn’t stop him. I was dead for an hour then Castiel brought me-”

“Cas was there!?!?!” Paige interrupts her, “I don’t mean to interrupt but he was there?!?”. 

Kate exhales, “Yeah he was there, he told me I met an untimely death that wasn’t supposed to happen, and that I wasn’t supposed to die. Where I was, was the final stop before getting into Heaven, like a plane of existence. The Other Side is what he called it. Then he brought me back to Earth, and I went back into my body. He wiped John’s memory of being possessed, me being dead and all that shit. But the memory of him being possessed can be restored by me, and only me. If I were to bring it up to him”.

Rachel looks at all three of them, confused and asks “So you said you were dead?!?”.

“Yes” Kate answers.

“Castiel? Like the Angel?!” she asks, trying to keep up with what’s going on.

“Yeah, the Angel” Paige answers. 

“I also want to mention that same day when demon John killed me, and I was in The Other Side. I finally met dad” she says, her voice going soft.

Mandy and Paige look at each other, then back at Kate.

“You- you met dad?!?” Paige asks in disbelief. 

Kate nods, shedding a single tear, “Yeah, Cas brought him there. I saw that exact same thing when I was on my bliss trip at St. Francis”. 

Paige narrows her eyes at her, and looks around in disbelief, “Wait, so on your Bliss trip. You saw demon John killing you via strangulation, then you were taken to The Other Side or Limbo basically, where you saw yourself talk to our dead dad?! And Castiel was there?”.

Trying to process all that she said, “Yeah, pretty much” she chuckles. 

“Bliss-ception” Paige jokes, “Or death-ception”.

“So what did you and your dad talk about?!” Mandy asks.

Trying to hold back her tears, “I asked him what happened to me, what happened that night when he was killed. Azazel killed him, and that same demon did it to our cousin's mom, Mary, several years earlier in the same way, and that's how most of us Winchester’s go out. I told him that I never got to know him, and he said in these exact words, “I know you didn’t. That’s why you’re here, it was a chance for you to finally meet me”.”

Mandy starts to tear up. Holding her head up with her fists placed underneath her chin.

“Then he asked me “How’s your mother and Paige?”, and the final words he said to me before he disappeared. They still play in my head to this day, they were “I’m always watching over you”.”

All of them crying, softly sobbing uncontrollably. Rachel started to get teary eyed just by hearing all of this. 

“So. So all of you have died, and came back?!?” she asks.

All three of them nod, “I’ve died 9 times” Paige says.

“I’ve died 4 times” Kate says, lifting her hand up a bit. 

“3 times” Mandy says.

Learning about what this family does for a living. Traveling across the country, killing monsters. 

**********

Later that night, Rachel is in her room, sitting on her bed reading.

She gets a knock at her door, “Yes?” she responds.

The door opens, and Kate steps inside, “Hey”, she says.

“Hi” she responds looking up from her book.

“You okay?” she asks, concern in her voice. 

Rachel nods her head, “Yeah, I’m fine”

Nodding her head, “Okay, good. Because umm you looked a bit shaken up from what we were talking about earlier” Kate says, sitting down on a chair by the bed.

Rachel closes her book, setting it down on her nightstand.

“Have you ever met God?” she asks.

Kate nods her head, “Chuck is his name. He’s a writer”

She sits up in her bed, “So when Paige said “We’re all just a part of his story” that wasn’t a metaphor, or anything?”.

She shakes her head, “No. It wasn’t a metaphor or anything. We’re all just a book. We’re all a part of his story”.

Rachel looks down at the floor for a few moments. Kate clears her throat, and says.

“I know Paige, and pretty much everyone living here would be completely against this, but is there anyway, or a chance you can get a hold of some Bliss?!” 

She looks at her with a head tilt, “I may have a vial. Why?”.

Embarrassed, and ashamed to even think about why she wants it. She takes a deep breath, and says.

“Because I, and I hate to admit it, but I want to see John again. Even if it’s an old memory of us happy together”.

Kate starts to tear up, “I don’t know why he still has this affect on me!!. It’s like I can’t let him go. Like he’s entwined with me, a part of me. That day when he died, he looked me in the eye before taking his last breath. I’m with Wheaty now, I can’t be having these feelings for an ex partner of mine that is dead!!”.

“He took your virginity, didn’t he?” she asks, looking at her with soft puppy like eyes. 

Nodding her head while tears stream down her cheeks. 

“Yeah, yeah he was my first time. I wanted to lose it to someone who was worthy enough to take it. John, at the time was worthy enough, to me, to take it, but now I'm starting to think I wished someone else took it". 

Rachel places her hand on Kate’s hand. 

“That’s why. He took something from you that you can never get back, and he left his spawn inside you. Growing”.

Kate’s breathing turns shakey, that ball in her throat making it hard for her to speak.

“I think maybe, seeing him again, maybe it’ll help me get him out of my head” she was able to speak up.

Rachel gets up from her bed, and goes to her closet. Going through one of her bags, and pulls out a small vial of the pale green drug.

“Here” she says, handing her the small vial, “If you concentrate hard enough. You will be able to communicate with John even if he’s dead”.

She looks at the vial, examining it. “So do I drink it? Or?”

“You can drink a little bit of it, or you can inhale it” she answers. 

“Okay, thank you” she says, getting up from the chair, and leaves her room.

*********

An hour later everyone is asleep, Kate is getting ready for bed. She looks over at the vial of bliss Rachel gave her an hour ago. Contemplating whether or not to take a sip, or sniff of it, or just not use it at all.

She locks her bedroom door, grabs the vial, opens it, and takes a long, deep inhale of the hallucinogenic drug. Quickly closing the bottle, setting it down on her desk.

Concentrating hard on seeing John again, and maybe tell him to get out of her head. She’s ashamed to say to herself. Let alone think of it. Her vision starts to get blurry, white, green, red, and disoriented. Everything is tripping out.

Sparks flying, she falls back on her bed. Letting the drug do it’s thing. After a few minutes have passed, feeling like she’s falling. Feeling light as a feather.

*Into the Bliss*

She wakes up in a white, and green wonderland.

The sky green, the clouds a whitish pale green. The sun shining down on her, warming her up.

“Holy fuck" she whispers, “That shit worked”.

A jackalope rabbit sitting at her feet. It hops away when she moves, and sits up.

Her clothes are different from what she was wearing earlier. 

A plain white, knee length flannel dress, and no shoes on. Her hair in a clean well done braid. 

A princess cut diamond ring on her left ring finger.

She looks around, and sees that she’s laying in a field by a huge tree with a tire swing attached to it. 

"What the fuck?!?!" she mutters to herself. 

She continues to look around the blissed out wasteland. 

“Kate!?!” a distorted male voice echos. 

She looks behind her, and sees a figure approaching her through the cloud of bliss 30 feet away. The clouds of bliss as the figure approaches her give off a wing like shape behind them. She stands up, and slowly approaches them.

“Kate!?!” the voice says again slightly clearer but still distorted. 

“John?” she mutters confused, as she slowly approaches the other person. 

“Kate!?” they say again.

It takes her a moment to realize it’s John’s voice. 

“John!?!” she yells out. Slight hope in her voice.

The figure gets closer, and she is immediately brought to shameful tears when she sees that it’s really John.

“John?!” she says again, tears streaming down her face. A huge smile on her face. Just by seeing him she forgets why she wanted the drug in the first place. To tell his ass off. 

“I’m here darlin” he says, smiling, his voice echoing throughout the hallucination.

Those perfect blue eyes staring back at her. Placing his hands on her waist, pulling her closer to him. She places her hands on his shoulders. They stare at each other for what felt like years. Decades. Centuries. A Millennium. Their foreheads touching. 

He looks down at her stomach, his hands placed where her baby bump would be.

“She’s gonna be so beautiful” he tells her.

Confused, Kate looks down, and sees that her stomach had grown bigger. Telling herself it's all part of the hallucination, and that she doesn’t have to go in panic mode.

John kneels down, and kisses her baby bump. 

Feeling the baby kick. Tears running down her cheeks, this is what she wanted, but she knows she'll never have it. This is the closest she’ll ever get to having a family with John. He stands up, and kisses Kate on the lips. Holding her close in his arms. Her arms wrapped around his neck. 

One of his hands on her lower back, the other holding the back of her head. 

He lifts her up, his arms wrapped around her lower half. He slowly spins in a circle with the love of his life in his arms. Kissing her. 

Even though this is all a hallucination and John is most likely buried 6 feet underground. Everything felt so real. Kate buries her face in the crook of his neck as he slowly spins her around. 

It doesn't dawn on her that she wanted to tell John to leave her alone and get out of her head because she's with someone else. Looking like a total clown. 

The sound of a baby cooing, catches her attention. She looks over to her right, and sees a white crib in the middle of the field.  John puts her down, taking her hand in his, and they walk towards the crib.

Looking down at her stomach, seeing it had shrunk back to its normal size from before.

"Okay this trip is getting way too personal" she thinks to herself, "And I hate it!". 

They approach the crib, and see a baby girl who looks about 6 months old in a pink, and white onesie. 

Black hair like Kate’s, and blue eyes like John. 

The name above her on the headboard of the crib says “Daenerys A.B. Seed”.

John picks her up from the crib, cradling her in his arms. Smiling down at his infant daughter.

“She looks just like you” he says, turning to Kate. 

“She has your eyes” she says to him, holding her tiny foot. 

He hands her to Kate. Baby Daenerys looks so much like her with John’s blue eyes. Cradling her in her arms, they look down at their beautiful little girl. Trying her best not to cry again. 

She puts her back in the crib, and turns to John. Cupping his cheeks, and kisses him. Embracing her tightly. She closes her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder. 

He rocks her slowly in his arms. Hoping for this to never ever end. If she could stay here forever with him, and their daughter she would. She would have no problem with that. 

“Kate!!” another voice speaks out from behind her. She pulls away from John and looks behind her. Looking around and seeing no one, just the hallucinations of the Bliss, and it's weird, mutant animals. Thinking it's her father since he was there in her Bliss trip back at St. Francis. 

She turns back to face him and sees another man's face looking back at her. Holding her. 

“Hello sweet-cheeks!!!” Gabriel greets her with a huge smile.

She can literally hear a record scratch in her head as he says this. Eyes widened, mouth falling slightly open.

“Gabriel?!? What are you doing here?!?” she exclaims, trying to release herself from his hold.

“You shouldn’t be here” he tells her, “You need to get out". 

Confused to why her guardian Archangel is here. In her Bliss hallucination, “What?!? Why?!?”. 

“You need to leave, and forget about John” he tells her, “He’s no good and you know that. I'd tell you, but you'll find out in the weeks to come". 

Still confused, and stumped “I-I don’t. What? Tell me what?!!?". 

“It’s important that you get out of here!” he tells her. Cupping her cheeks. 

Shaking her head, “This isn’t real. This isn’t real, you’re a hallucination!!” she yells out.

"You're a hallucination!" he sasses her. 

“Where’s John?!?” she orders him to tell her.

“He was never here. It was all me. I’m more real than your psychedelic drug trip” the Archangel tells her, “I’m real. This isn’t. You need to leave. John is dead. That's it, you can't save him!”.  

Before she could protest against him, Gabriel snaps his fingers and makes a cloud-like portal appear behind her. She looks back, sees the cloud rift portal, and turns back to him. 

"You might hate me for this" he tells her and aggressively pushes her through the rift portal back to her universe.

Kate wakes up in a cold sweat, confused. Not sure how long she was out, she looks out her window and sees the sun rising up from behind the mountains. 

Her hallucination happened throughout the whole night? Even though it felt like it was 10 minutes. Trickster making himself known by pretending to be John and telling her to get over him, move on with her life. What the actual fuck Gabriel?!?.

[tlou-1]

Her Own Worst Enemy | Chapter 7 | A Watchful Eye (Joel Miller Fanfic)

Ada had pulled on the one dress she owned, she had managed to trade some meat for it a couple weeks ago on a whim that she might attend her first dance in Jackson. It was simple but it was still flattering, thin straps leading to a cream crochet dress, she didn’t know how dressed up people got for these things but she did her best. When she arrived at the Town Hall she was still pretty early hoping to arrive before Abby. She spotted Ellie and Dina across the room, picking up a drink from the bar Ada joined them. “Glad I am not the only one who’s early” Ada smiled.

“Well Dina always likes to get here early so she can fit in as many dances as possible” Ellie teased. After some more small talk Ada tried to quiz them on Abby, what story was she going by? Where did she say she came from? But before the words could cross her lips, Ada was distracted as Joel walked in, he seemed to notice her almost immediately. Ada couldn’t help but look at her feet, he looked disappointed at her response and b lined for the bar.

“He seems to really care about you, you know? I know he can be a pain but you seem to keep him on his toes” Ellie chimed in, nudging Ada.

“I don’t think so. We can’t stand each other”

“Doesn’t look like it from where I am standing or sound like it either, he always brings you up any chance he can” Ellie laughed but then she turned serious, “He was going to apologise today. I don’t know what for, but if it was anything to do with last week you should know he wouldn’t have meant it”.

Ada looked confused, “That week is always a bad week for him, he’s gotten better with it but it still brings back memories for him, of Sarah” Ellie elaborated.

“Sarah?”

“His daughter” Ellie sighed.

Ada’s heart sank a little at the thought of Joel grieving his child, who she didn’t even know about, she looked across the room to try and spot Joel. When her eyes found him, she saw that Abby was standing talking to him. ‘It was sick’ thought Ada, like some creature hunting its prey or a cat playing with a mouse. Before she knew what she was doing her feet were carrying her across the room in their direction. Joel seemed surprised that Ada would walk right up to him, he didn’t say anything.

“Dance with me?” Ada asked putting her hand out, to keep Abby away from Joel she was going to have to get closer to him tonight. He took her hand silently and followed her into the centre of the room.

Ada felt his other hand move to the small of her back, moving closer into him she could smell his scent, a mix of the outdoors and fresh soap.

“I wanted to apologise earlier before you ran off” he whispered, his lips were so close to her ear that she could hear it so clearly.

“I know, I didn’t mean to run off”. It feel quiet again for a moment.

“That dress really is something on you” He said his thick accent standing out, Ada could feel him smirking as he said it, she couldn’t help but blush and laugh slightly at the comment.

“Yeah it’s better than the usual muddy jeans for patrol”

“Oh I don’t know, they do it for me too” Joel continued suggestively, his hand traced a line up the curve of her back. She became acutely aware of them being around people, particularly Abby who kept looking at them every so often.

“Joel-“ Ada began, Joel could sense in her tone that he might not like what she was going to say so he spoke before she could finish.

“I am sorry about the other night. I didn’t mean any of it I was drinking and -” He whispered and held onto her hand tighter as he swayed her to the music.

She interjected, “You meant some of it but you weren’t wrong I do find easier to be alone, it’s harder to let yourself care”

“I want to - care that is and I think you do too” he pulled back slightly to be able to look down at her, she smiled at him but quickly pressed her head back to his shoulder.

Ada was completely torn, she had known Abby a long time but they left her behind without a second thought and she had found the young woman incredibly difficult to see eye to eye with back in Seattle. And then there was Joel: although he had committed a terrible crime, he wasn’t a completely bad person, he just did what anyone would if it was their child who had been on that operating table, she looked across the room at Ellie, maybe he saw some of Sarah in her. He had travelled across the country with her, protected her, grown to love her like his own, ‘Alliances change’, Ada thought and nothing was black and white, morals were a grey area in this new world. She didn’t know what she would do but she knew she couldn’t let either of them die now, not if she could prevent it.

The song came to an end and felt Joel lips lightly kiss the nape of her neck, it was so gentle no one really even noticed.

“Sit and have a drink with me?” Joel asked and Ada nodded silently.

Her eyes were fixed on Abby whilst Joel went to retrieve them both a drink. Abby seemed to be trying to acclimatise into Jackson, speaking with different people throughout the night.

“Here you go” Joel chirped breaking Ada’s eyes away from Abby.

“So about last week-“ he continued but Ada stopped him.

“It’s alright Joel… Ellie explained to me, she didn’t tell me everything but I know it must have been a tough week.”

“She told you?”

“She said that you had a daughter, Sarah and that, that week brings back some hard memories. I am so sorry Joel”

He was quiet for a while, “So what do you think about the new addition to town?”

‘Changing the subject’ Ada noted mentally. She looked over at Abby, “I don’t know, what do we know about her? Can we trust her?”

That made Joel laugh, “Well Miss Ada, the same could be said about you”.

“Okay that’s fair. What do you want to know Joel Miller?”, Ada turned her chair into face him directly, he matched her movement.

“So what is Ada short for?” Asked Joel, Ada explained her full name was Adelaine Abertnathy. “That’s a bit of a tongue twister together but Adelaine, well it really suits you” he smiled warmly.

“Fair’s fair. I should get to ask you a question”

“Alright then, shoot”

She asked about what he did before the outbreak, Joel explained he was a carpenter but when he was younger wanted to be a country singer, “You sing? Now that I have to see” she made him promise to at least play the guitar for her once.

“Is this classed as a date or an interrogation?” Ada laughed.

“Which do you want it to be?” Joel smirked taking another sip of his beer.

“Don’t answer my question with a question. That makes it my turn again, how is it that you and Ellie are like family? I hear people call you her old man but you’re not her father?” Ada knew what she was asking and part of her knew the answer but she wanted to understand Joel.

“I ain’t her father but I promised someone I would look after her for a while, and well after months together, protecting each other, picking each other up when we needed it. I decided from there on I would look after her as long as needed.” and what Joel meant by that was until his last day on this earth.

Joel seemed to pause for a moment, almost as though he wasn’t sure if he should ask the next question.

“What happened to your family?” His face earnest. Ada shifted in her chair and began looking out the corner of her eye, where to start. “Well I have parents but they moved away across state. Honestly I don’t know what happened to them but my siblings. I had a younger sister and brother, my sister she got bit and shot herself so she wouldn’t have to turn and my brother well we got set upon my this bunch of vultures. Would shoot you for the shoes off you feet… they shot him two rounds of ammo and a handful of fucking tinned food” her voice broke slightly, Joel didn’t know what to say, “You are lucky to have Tommy and Ellie” she smiled at him, he smiled softly back and took her hand giving it a squeeze.

“Well I think that’s enough questions for one night, what do you say I walk you home?” Joel suggested.

“I’d like that”.

They were standing at the crossroads between Ada’s and Joel’s houses.

“Well I guess this is where we say goodnight” Ada said trying to break the awkward tension in the air. Joel hummed in agreement, before Ada thought about what she should do next her fingers hooked onto Joel’s belt loops and pulled him closer to her. They kissed and this time she made no attempt to pull away. She felt his hands grab at the fabric of her dress, gather it in his hands.

“Come home with me?” Joel asked in between kisses, Ada couldn’t stop herself long enough to say yes but nodded and followed Joel.

Next

[sokkadora]

tattooed heart; an ellie williams x fem!reader

chapter 3: a cold morning

masterlist here.

part summary: a tad bit of backstory on how joel, ellie, amelia and you met, seth being annoying, y/n and dina escapades, ellie apologizing for the kiss.

trigger warning: none .... i think

a/n: enjoy! and please check out my book safety net on wattpad! my account is @/CATRAMITYS <3333

- ☽ iii ༓ iii ☾ -

                life in jackson could be described as fairly easy - slow and consistent. the people who were living there never actually left and there weren't many people that would move into the city. most people you've known since they were the ones living inside the walls ever since you had come there.

some of the children were born there, yet most of the people came to the settlement as the time passed, seeking protection from the fireflies, infected or bandits. and so far, so good. the settlement was started by maria, tommy's wife, and her father a long time ago. when tommy left the fireflies in search of a normal, peaceful life, he ran into wyoming, finding this place. before their hard work, it was quite hard to manage - they needed to protect the settlement, build walls around it and make sure the people in there were safe, yet the young married couple was way more ambitious.

they wanted to make the old hydroelectric power station work again and that was one of the settlement's biggest projects to date. and to the wonder of everyone, they made it work again, so jackson had a stable supply of electricity almost every day. except for huge storms, which you all were waiting for to end sitting in the dinner, telling each other stories in the light of candles and so. these occasions were fun.

the city was independent - you had your cattle, horses, hens, and pigs, you had women who could sew clothes and make fabrics, you had a few men who were capable of making a gun. also, your mechanics were capable of making a few old cars work if the things would get really bad. in spring and summer, you always made sure to harvest vegetables and fruits, hunting throughout the winter mostly. you had a school and a kind-of-a-cinema when you were bored. for existing in a post-apocalyptic world, jackson was fairly normal.

and though you never got to know your parents, you had amelia. this lady was pretty old in the time she found you — she wasn't that kind of a brutal survivor who would bash someone's skull, twist her knife inside someone's body, or shoot them dead. she was the quiet traveler who was purposely avoiding big cities, who was traveling through woods and walked among rivers to see where her road will lead her. from the moment you bumped into each other, you became friends. family even. but once you got bit, she almost shot you. until she found out you were immune.

you and amelia didn't know what to do, but once amelia caught word of an old man and a 14-year-old immune girl traveling to the fireflies in salt lake city, you two went to find them. it took a few months to find them, the two of you almost giving up after taking shelter in what you thought was an abandoned apartment in pittsburgh.

SUMMER OF 2033:

"y/n, in here." amelia called for you quietly, gesturing to the apartment inside. you nodded, glancing behind you before quickly moving inside and locking the door.

you let out a sigh of relief, readjusting your ponytail and checking out the apartment. amelia jumped in front of you, pulling out her handgun, "get behind me, sugar." she whispered, softly moving towards the bedroom where she heard noises.

once she opened the door, the two of you aimed your guns at the people inside, two dark skinned boys, one around your age at the time and an older man with a red haired girl also around your age.

"amelia, they're not bad." you say, lowering your gun slowly to look at them better. the older woman glances at you before putting her gun down too.

the young man steps forward with his hand outstretched towards you, "i'm henry, who are you?" he asks nervously, glancing

you look up at him, then glance at amelia. she nods, signaling that it's okay, "i'm y/n." you respond with a small smile.

henry grins a bit, gesturing to the others, "we all just met but, this is joel," he starts, gesturing to the older man in the flannel, "this is ellie, and this is my little brother sam." henry finishes, gesturing to the girl and the boy.

"amelia and y/n." amelia introduces, gesturing to her then you. "sorry for the, uh, abrupt entrance. we thought this apartment was empty." she laughs nervously, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt.

"no worries. we were about to head out anyway." henry starts, beginning to walk out. "wait, would you two like to come with us?" we're planning on getting out of this city tonight."

you and amelia look at each other before she turns her head towards the henry again, "i don't thi—"

"amelia, c'mon! safety in numbers, remember." you remind her, crossing your arms over your chest and looking at her knowingly.

the woman scoffs and shakes her head, looking at her lap for a moment, "fine, okay, we'll join you guys."

upon leaving the apartment, you, sam, and ellie began to talk to each other. once you found out she was 14, like the immune girl, you went up to amelia while you were waiting in henry's "office".

"amelia, can i talk to you for a second?" you whisper to her, gesturing to a quieter spot. amelia's eyebrows furrow in confusion as she looks away from the outside to you, nodding.

once in a quieter spot, you tell amelia your hypothesis about ellie and joel, them being the two you’ve been searching the country for, "no, no way. they're probably just father and daughter."

"don't daughters usually call their fathers dad instead of their actual names?" you ask her, irritated while your arms fold over your chest. amelia stares at you blankly, hands resting on her knees. "this is the man and the immune girl we're searching for, amelia. we have to tell—"

"guys?" a voice calls into the room, making yours and amelia's head shoot towards the sound. it's sam. "henry says it's time to go." sam tells you two awkwardly.

amelia sighs heavily, rising from her place on the desk and looking at you, "you and i will finish this conversation later."

that conversation never went as well as you hoped, you and ellie finding out that you both are immune in the radio station during a slow game of truth or dare. neither of you knew what it was, but henry gave you the basic gist of it.

ellie was thrilled to know she wasn't the only immune person, and she wasn't alone in that area. after losing henry and sam the morning after, you four headed off to find joel's brother, tommy in wyoming after finding a car.

after finding tommy and heading to the university of eastern colorado, things only got more rough from there. joel and amelia both got impaled, barely making it out of the science building alive before getting on their horses and passing out. resulting in you and ellie panicking before getting yourselves together and finding a nearby town to stay at for the winter.

during that winter, you encountered david, and his friend carl. you and ellie almost lost your lives after getting captured by them, then joel and amelia swooped in saving you and ellie from becoming the monsters you both fear.

the rest of the journey carried into the spring, you, joel, ellie, and amelia becoming much closer during the time from winter to spring. once you all got to the firefly hospital and joel and amelia found out what the cost for the vaccine was, they saved you and ellie.

you both had become to loved and valuable to them, neither wanting to bear the loss of another child. and they lied to you both to keep you safe. so after they took out most of the fireflies in the hospital, including their leader, marlene, you all headed back to tommy's, to jackson.

you and ellie both stopped the elders before entering jackson, "hey, wait." ellie called, looking to you for a bit of comfort.

amelia and joel turned around, looking at the two of you. you bit your lip as ellie started talking, "back in boston — back when i was bitten... i wasn't alone." she reveals, glancing between joel and amelia.

"my best friend, riley, was there and she got bit too." ellie tells everyone.

"and i was with my best friend, carly." you tell the group, fidgeting with your fingers. "we didn't know what to do. so, she says 'let's just wait it out. y'know we can be all poetic and lose our minds together. we're still waiting for our turn."

"then it was tess." ellie states, fidgeting with her fingers anxiously.

"then henry and sam—" you continue the statement for her.

"none of that is on you." amelia states, stepping a bit closer to you and ellie.

"no, you don't understand." ellie says sadly, rubbing her face.

joel suddenly steps forward, "i struggled for a long time with survivin', and you-" he briefly clutches his watch. "no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. now, i know that's not what you want to hear right now but it's—"

you shake your head, looking away before turning back at joel, "swear to us." you interrupt, looking between the two adults seriously. "swear to us that everything that you said about the fireflies is true."

joel and amelia look between you and ellie with a hesitant look, "we swear." she says to you two, placing a hand on joel's shoulder.

you and ellie take a pause, processing everything before looking back at amelia and joel, nodding, "okay." you say together.

MARCH 2ND, 2038:

that was how you got into jackson. the first months there were pretty weird to you - the city had rules, schedule and they gave you food every morning, midday and evening, calling it breakfast, lunch, and dinner. the first week, you spent with vomiting since your food wasn't used to eat regularly. it was also pretty hard trying to trust strangers before you realized they don't mean you any harm. amelia was immediately capable of working at their farm with their animals, while you were getting the jobs like cleaning up mess or help in the kitchen - which meant that you didn't see each other that much.

- ☽ ♡ ༓ ♡ ☾ -

but after last night you and ellie went your ways after the talk with joel and amelia. there were many exchanged glances as she walked you home although you insisted you were fine. when you stood in the doorway of your house, ellie kissed your cheek before waving goodbye shyly.

a knock wakes you out of your sleep, groaning as you sit up and walk to the door, "just a minute! geez." you call out, walking to the door while scratching the back of your neck tiredly.

once you open it, you see dina. your other best friend, "hey dina." you yawn, squeezing the door handle as you look at your friend who's already dressed. "oh shit-"

"yep. hurry up and get ready, stupid." dina grins, stepping inside and sitting on your couch as you head into the bathroom with a new set of clothes. "maria also wants to talk to you."

stepping out of the bathroom, you reload your pistol and grab your switchblade that joel made you, "alright, dina, let's go."

she nods, opening the door as both of you step out into the cold air, "are joel and amelia up yet? or ellie?" you ask curiously.

"tommy and amelia went out early for patrol. something about a herd or infected up north, i don't know where joel is, and ellie, is still asleep. like ellie." dina tells you as you nod in understanding, chuckling at the last part of her sentence. "are you four... good?"

you glance up at her, sighing, "yeah, i guess so." you shrug, looking away and itching your nose.

once you and dina get downtown, she leads you into a restaurant, "this way." she says, motioning towards the nearly empty restaurant.

once you two enter, dina walks away to socialize with the others. you glance at her anxiously as she just smirks, shooing you in maria's direction.

"hey, y/n! over here!" maria calls from across the bar, making you groan and walk over unenthusiastically.

you walk to maria, "yes?" you ask, rubbing your face with your gloved hands.

"seth has something he wants to say to you." maria tells you, glancing towards the kitchen.

you glare at maria, irritated, "i don't wanna hear what that bigot has to say."

maria looks at you with an unreadable expression, "do it for me, please?" she asks gently.

you scan her face over, and sigh, resting your foot on a small crate, "fine."

"seth! seth, come here." maria calls towards the kitchen.

"fuck me." you mutter under your breath, as you look up.

seth walks out of the kitchen sheepishly, with something in his hands, "hey. look last night, i was drinking too much." seth starts, making you scoff quietly.

"sure." you say in disbelief, crossing your arms as you rest your right leg on the stool next to you.

"i'm trying to say i'm sorry!" seth exclaims, getting more irritated with you. "maria tells me that you and dina are heading out." he tells you, making you glance back at dina. "i made you two some sandwiches." he reveals.

seth places the sandwiches on the bar counter, giving them a pat before scooching them towards you.

"okay." you mumble, staring at him awkwardly.

"they're steak." seth informs you, gesturing towards the sandwiches you haven't taken yet.

maria gets tired of the awkward silence as she takes the sandwiches as she shoves them into your chest, "thank you, seth." she says assertively, scaring seth back into the kitchen.

turning around with the sandwiches, you bump into dina, "what've you got there?" she asks curiously as you shove the sandwiches into her hands.

"some... surprisingly decent looking bigot sandwiches." you scoff, dusting off your pants while looking around the outside room.

dina lifts them to her nose, taking a whiff, "they smell absolutely scrumptious." she says in a fake posh accent, making you laugh as she secretly throws them away.

"come on you two, time to go." maria calls from the doorway of the restaurant, gesturing to the outside. "y/n, i need to talk to you for a minute before i head back inside."

you stop next to maria, gesturing for dina to go ahead without you as she closes the door, "are you amelia and joel good?" maria asks quietly, making you roll your eyes. "they seemed to be in a better mood this morn—"

"we're fine maria." you interrupt her, your eyes closing in annoyance as you're getting tired of this question.

the blonde woman puts her hands up, "just wanted to make sure. i worry y'know." she chuckles, bringing you into a short embrace. you nods, pulling away, "go find dina." she tells you heading into the restaurant as you head on your way.

you find dina and overhear how she's about to start a snowball fight with a bunch of the kids. you sneak up behind the kids, snowball in hand. dina glances up and spots you, making you put a finger over your mouth to shush her. she looks back at the kids, egging them on as you come up and headshot a girl named, isabella.

this made the kids go feral, sending them to one side of the playground as you and dina hid on the other side, laughing your asses off.

you and dina played with the kids for around fifteen minutes before you heard ellie's voice. you turned around and saw jesse, waving politely at him before returning to the game.

"dina! come on! you and i are paired for patrol today." jesse calls out to his ex, making her roll her eyes before heading out of the playground, following jesse.

"hey, y/n! can i talk to you?" a familiar voice called, you turn your head to see ellie. you smile and wave at her before putting the snowball fight on a pause so you could talk to her.

"hey." you say breathlessly, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear.

"hey." ellie responds awkwardly, tapping on the wooden fence.

"i just wanna say sorry for ditching you after the... thing last night." ellie apologizes, making you tilt your head in confusion.

"oh, no, it's okay. i totally get it. i- i just- i felt bad." you tell her, looking at her apologetically while fidgeting with your fingers.

ellie shakes her head lightly, "why?"

"because, i started the whole thing and i... i just shouldn't have kissed you in front all those people and—"

"no! it's okay, you were drunk." ellie says, laughing off the light embarrassment.

"well, still i don't want you to think—" you start before ellie interrupts your once more, making you chuckle lightly.

"no, i'm not reading into it or anything." ellie tells you, making you shake your head.

you look up at ellie, smiling softly, "you know what i love about you?" you start, making ellie blush a little. "how you let me finish my sentences."

ellie chuckles, shaking her head, "alright. well, we should probably get going." you nod, before a snowball nails ellie right in the shoulder. "ow!"

you turn around angrily, glaring at the kids, "what the fuck?!" you exclaims at them, making them giggle.

"i'm not even playing!" ellie yells at them.

"cause you're a chicken?" one of the kids yells out, making the rest taunt ellie playfully.

"i hate those kids so much." ellie mutters to you irritated, making you look at her mischievously.

"you wanna fuck 'em up?" you ask evilly, giving ellie a side glance.

ellie looks to see if anyone's coming before nodding, "yeah, i do." ellie leaps over the fence as you both start playfully shouting at them.

"you asked for it!" you yell at them.

"you better run you little shits!" ellie exclaims, you and her taking cover behind a structure.

the game was the first to ten hits wins, it took you and ellie a minute, but you beat to little shits 10/3.

"no fair!" isabella whines, wiping the snow off her coat.

you spread your arms out victoriously, "eat it shrimps! how's it feel?" you brag to them, making them all run up and tackle you. "you'll never get away with this!" you yell happily as they dog pile on you before ellie comes and rips one off.

"get off of her you little monsters!" the red haired girl exclaims, making them scurry away before helping you up.

"i guess i asked for that huh?" you ask your friend, heading towards the gate.

"yep." she deadpans at you, making you smile. you both exit the playground, heading to the stables. "so, jesse wants us to do the creek trails. he's gonna relieve amelia and tommy."

"oh, okay. that's nice he assigned us together." you tell ellie, greeting the lady at the front of the stables. "you're gonna like this one."

someone yells to you and ellie they'll take your horses in so you can grab them. yelling out a quick thanks, you head over to grab your horse, moon. walking to the east gate, you pet his neck, greeting him.

"look who decided to join us." jesse tease you and ellie, making you roll your eyes.

"ha ha, you're so funny." you tease back, elbowing him gently in the side and taking your rifle from him.

"open it up!" he yells up at the gate keepers. "settle down. alright. you all know the drill." he assumes, looking to all the patrol groups. "run your routes, mark your logbooks, clear any infected you see. you run into anything you can't handle, you come back." jesse tells everyone. "be smart about it. alright, get going."

you and ellie glance at each other with a small nod, getting on your horses and riding off towards the creek trails.