#if you guys were wondering why I don’t yap as much or get on tumblr as much anymore it’s because I only get on super late at night

[imreaallyasorry]

Late night doodle….

[donutloverxo]

First time

Kinktober day 15 - Virginity kink

Please note that my work is not to be reposted or published anywhere other than my Tumblr or AO3 account without my permission. Reblogs are most welcome though!

Note - So anon asked for step dad Steve and I can't do that to Steve. This started out as step dad ransom but then me being me couldn't go through with it🤦‍♀️ so he's supposed to be your stepmoms husband which still makes him your step dad, I think.

Dividers by @whimsicalrogers

Warnings - 18+ONLY! smut(m/f), dub conish, painful sex, unprotected sex, implied age gap, loss of virginity, bloodplay.

Pairing - Step dad!Ransom Drysdale x reader

Word count - 2.3k

Masterlists are linked in the bio!

“Oh! Don’t act like you care. I can tell you wouldn’t give a shit if I left for an entire year. I’m not one of your barely legal bimbos you can manipulate however you like,” Karen ranted on and on to Ransom. You didn’t know what they were fighting about today - you didn’t care to find out either.

“God! Would you fucking give me a break? All you do is yap your trap all day long,” he snapped at her.

You looked at the main door, to leave your house you would have to go through the hallway where both of them were having their ‘lively' discussion, which you had no intentions to be a part of.

Karen gave him a deadly glare - which literally gave you chills even though you weren’t on the receiving end of it.

She walked closer to him, until she was only inches away from his face, “For your own good,” wrapping her palm around his chiselled jaw “don’t forget your place. You do not curse at me or yell at me.”

He didn’t say anything back, simply holding her unwavering glare.

She looked at the stairs, her face instantly lighting up into a faux smile upon seeing you. “Darling, what are you doing there? Come here,” she said extending an arm to you. You walked down to her, she engulfed you into a hug, soothing a hand over your head, “Mommy has to go away for a while, to Paris for fashion week. I know that’s not something you’d be interested in.”

You shook your head. No, those events were a bit too stuffy for you. You dared to sneak a glance at Ransom, he was fuming. His jaw clenched hard, his face and neck flushed as he heaved. You weren’t sure if that rage was directed towards you or your stepmother.

“Fuck this shit,” he spit before leaving and slamming the door behind him. You cringed at the loud noise it made. You were relieved that he was gone, given what he had done in his impulsivity and rage, you didn’t want to be around him when he was that angry.

“Well?” Karen’s question snapped you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“You better not be going to meet that Jack or John or whatever.”

“His names Jeremy, Karen, and I really like him. If you got to know him - ”

“I don’t need to know him. He does not bring anything to the table. He doesn’t even deserve to breathe in the same air as you.”

“A rich guy can treat me badly too. I don’t know why you think I can’t be happy with a normal person.” you shook your head. She of all people should not be questioning your taste in men.

“His fathers a fucking high school teacher, honey,” she scoffed. “No, I won’t have you dating a nobody.”

“Well, Ransoms a friggin' murderer!” you screamed. “What kind of man conspires to kill his own grandfather?!”

She had married him just months after he was declared 'not guilty' of not one, but TWO murders. Although, everyone knew that he definitely did it.

You begged her not to marry him. But she seemed to be completely smitten with him, besides she had never really valued your opinion or seen you as an adult.

“Say what you will about Ransom. But he has the name - he’s a Thrombey, he comes from old money. As annoying as he can be - he’s not hideous to look at either, I suppose.”

That was the only thing you might be inclined to agree with. You hated that some part of you was attracted to him. Even though, he was a terrible person. He treated ‘the help', the people who raised you and cared for you as if they were beneath him.

He treated Karen like shit - which she may deserve, you knew of her affairs and the one French boyfriend she was visiting under the guise of business.

He was however, completely indifferent to you. He never got in your way, sometimes you could feel his eyes on you, following every move you made. Sometimes you wondered... if maybe... some part of him found you attractive as well.

You knew you weren’t much to look at, especially compared to your stepmother, but then why else would he be staring so much?

Was he plotting to OFF you as well? To get you out of his way. You’d be inheriting most of your late fathers estate.

***

You closed the door behind you, as quietly as you could so as not to wake anyone. You got home a little later than midnight. You weren’t used to staying out that long but it was one of your best friends birthday.

“What were you doing out so late?” You yelped as you heard his voice.

“Ransom! Oh my gosh, you scared me,” you tried to catch your breathe.

“It’s after twelve. Who were you out with?” he raised a brow. “And what the hell are you wearing?”

“Huh?” you looked down at your bodycon dress. You weren’t used to wearing clothes that tight but this one just seemed so pretty and perfect to capture Jeremy’s attention. “It’s Karen’s design,” you shrugged. It was provocative but classy and respectable which was your stepmothers brand.

“What kind of message do you think you’re sending dressing like that? If you want to be the talk of the town - ”

“Ransom, oh my god! It’s just a dress and I’m - I’m a virgin!” you confessed. It wasn’t something you were ashamed of - why would you be?

“What?” his eyes widened and his mouth gaped.

He had known you were a pretty little thing since the moment he met you. So shy and demure and pure. Of course you’d be a virgin. Like a perfect present waiting to be unwrapped.

You almost smiled at that. Stunning Ransom like that made you feel smug for some reason. “Yeah. I’m saving myself for the right guy.” you replied in a small voice, averting his gaze and looking at the carpet.

He took two long strides and walked over to you, before you knew it he had a firm grasp on your waist, pulling you against his hard chest. “And what’s the right guy like, sweetheart?”

“Someone - uh,” your brain blanked, having him that close to you, feeling his warm breath on your face almost made you black out.

He bent his neck till he was closer to your ear, “Well, don’t lose it to Jeremy or whatever. He won’t even know what to do with a sweet thing like you.”

You gasped, trying to push him away but his stance was unrelenting. “That is so inappropriate, Ransom! You’re married!”

He grabbed at your failing wrists, pinning them behind your back, “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that. Karen and I have an arrangement. You ever been kissed before?” he asked, his tongue peaking out to kick his plump lips.

“Wh - ” you swallowed a heavy lump of air, looking away from him, “No,” tears streaming down your face.

He chuckled, licking a firm stripe up your cheek, moaning at the taste of your tears. “We’ll fix that tonight, princess.”

You shuddered in his hold, it finally hit you. He intended to have his way with you. “Karen!” you screamed at the top of your lungs.

“She’s not home, sweetheart,” he smirked, pushing his knee between your legs, “I thought you wanted this? I heard you saying my name while touching yourself. I’ll do better than your little fingers ever could,” he grinded his knee against your core.

You whimpered, scared out of your mind for your life and ashamed. Ashamed of being caught, of being aroused and getting more and more wetter. Your hips rolling against his knee to seek more friction.

“That’s a good girl,” he praised, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth till it hurt and then releasing it with a pop. “If you keep being good and take what I give you - I’ll make you feel good too.” He held on to your forearm, dragging you up the stairs towards his room.

“No, no... not in your room. In mine, please,” you whimpered, his nails digging in the flesh of your arm. They might have an 'arrangement' but you doubted Karen would appreciate you doing the deed in her bed.

“Fine with me,” he dragged you along, locking your door behind him as he pushed you down on your mattress.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head, quickly discarding all his clothes. You couldn’t help but shamelessly ogle him. His broad shoulders, defined chest and abs. He was bigger than any boy you knew. Your jaw dropped at the size of his cock, slapping against his abdomen when he pulled down his boxers.

“Like what you see, princess?” he smirked.

Hovering over you, his hands tearing your dress apart, you feebly tried to stop him, “That was expensive, Ransom!”

“I can just buy you another one,” he winked, rolling your panties down your legs.

You rolled your eyes. Yeah, with my own money.

Your arms flew up to your naked chest and mound, to cover up and save your modesty.

He growled, pulling them away and pressing them on the mattress above you. “These better fucking stay here all night, understood?”

You were too afraid to do anything but nod.

“Never popped anyone’s cherry before... this should be interesting,” he snaked a hand between your bodies, pinching your clit causing you to jerk away from him.

He didn't bother fingering you or preparing you, he knew you'd be tighter without it - he had about enough of foreplay anyway.

“Please, be gentle,” you requested, looking up at him through your doe eyes, pleading him - you had never felt so utterly helpless.

He cruelly laughed at your misery, his lips curled up in a devilish smirk, “I don't do gentle, kitten. You'll take what I fucking give you - ” he growled positioning himself between your legs, brushing his leaking tip over your chaste, untouched folds “and then thank me for it. Like the slut you are.”

You couldn't even begin to grasp or point out the logical fallacy of a virgin slut as his cock plunged into your heat, piercing through your virginity, splitting you in half.

Your back arched off the bed, you slapped your hands over your mouth to keep from screaming. It was painful, that was all you felt - pain. As he held onto your waist, his fingers digging in your flesh, his hips pulling out and then driving into you with an unrelenting pace.

You could not stop crying, or twisting your head from side to side. Knowing it was all you could do - he wouldn’t stop - no matter how much you pleaded. You weren’t sure you wanted him to stop.

He pressed a few kisses and nips to the crook of your neck, sucking on a spot as you held back a moan.

He propped himself up on his elbows to look down at you, your eyes and nose swollen, your make up running down your face - you looked more beautiful than you ever had before.

“You look so pretty when you cry, kitten,” he cooed, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to your lips.

He kept driving his cock into you, searching for that special spot as you kept mewling under him.

His heart swelled with pride, nobody’s ever fucked you before, he’s the first man that’s ever seen you naked or to be inside you.

“Do you want me to stop?” he stilled his hips, “Just say the word then.” He knew you wouldn’t.

You sniffled, shaking your head, “No, keep going, please.”

His lips curled up in a grin, taking some kind of twisted pleasure in your misery, “You’re something else, kitten.”

“Oh,” you closed your eyes, your toes curling, your legs holding onto his waist as you felt your orgasm creeping up on you.

Ransom leaned over you when he felt your heat convulsing around him, pulling your earlobe between his teeth, “This is the tightest little cunt I’ve ever fucked,” he grunted, driving each word home with a powerful thrust. “You like that, kitten?”

All you could do was nod, the pain was well as much more subdued now but you were still sore and exhausted. “Yes, I like it.”

“We’re going to do this every night from now on.”

He pulled out fisting his cock over you - he wasn’t going to impregnate his newest plaything - his white, hot spend painting your stomach and titts.

Your fingers swirled the sticky substance around on your skin, you were curious to see what it tasted like. You clenched your legs shut, your pussy still tingly. This was not how you planned your first time to go but you had no regrets.

You knew you were absolutely wrong to think so but being desired by Ransom gave you a strange kind of pride.

You gasped when you heard a click, sitting up on your elbows you looked at Ransom clicking pictures of your pussy with his phone.

“Wh - what’re you doing?” you tried to close your legs but he kept a firm hand on your knee.

“Just need a souvenir,” he responded, taking some more of his cum on your body and then putting his phone in his pocket. He swirled a finger around the blood on your inner thigh, bringing it up to paint the crimson on your mouth, “Go clean yourself up. I’ll be back tomorrow.”

You smiled as he kissed you, “Okay, Ransom.”

Even with your pussy freshly fucked - you couldn’t wait for his next visit.

Tags will be in the reblog! Click the link in the bio to be join the taglist or shoot me an ask/dm.

Comments and reblogs are really appreciated! ❤❤

[derryhawkins]

Puppy Love

summary: Right after she breaks up with her abusive boyfriend, Beverly house and dog sits for her two good friends while they’re gone for a month. During this time she has to take the dog to the vet because of a terrible limp, and there she meets the one and only Ben Hanscom – a sweetheart with a pure soul and kind eyes. Untrusting of men other than her three best friends, Beverly believes she’ll never find someone to trust and be with for the rest of her life. But as time goes on, and as she becomes friends with Ben, that belief gradually changes. word count: 5.7k warnings: mentions of abuse (i don’t go into detail); there’s also a bit where she has a panic attack but i don’t go into to much detail there either a/n: hello i meant to post this earlier but i got anxious and then i needed to focus on school bc of a paper and today tumblr is being a bitch, so. sorry lmao. hope you enjoy this tho!! ignore any typos and/or spelling mistakes 

AO3 link

chapter one: bad limp

Beverly Marsh doesn’t trust men – most of them, at least. The only men she does trust are her good friends: Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak, and Mike Hanlon.

She and Richie had grown up across the street from one another, and he was the only kid who adamantly stuck by her side through the hells of elementary, middle, and high school in their small town of Derry, Maine. They were both the outcasts there from the get go. A kid who was too talkative for his own good, a boy who came out proudly bisexual in middle school, a teen who couldn’t sit still for the life of him; paired with a kid who had bruises on her body everyday, a girl who learned men looked at her wrong at too young of an age, a teen who got slut shamed for very untrue rumors. Then college came, and the two hauled ass to New York City to go to college, sharing a shitty one bedroom apartment and working hellish hours to scrape by. They didn’t go to the same university, though; Richie went to NYU for four years in drama and then went a different route of standup comedy while Beverly went to a smaller college to get a cosmetology degree.

Those years, they met Eddie Kaspbrak and Mike Hanlon. Eddie was at the same college Beverly went to on way to become a Science teacher, and they both worked at a crappy coffee place. They got along extremely well and after a while she introduced him to Richie, the two beginning their marriage-like bickering instantly. It was no surprise to Beverly when they got together in their second year of college. The feisty young man complemented their duo extremely well from the get-go, officially making them into an inseparable trio in no time. Then comes in Mike Hanlon, a sweet boy who grew up on a farm and who was on his way to become the best veterinarian known to man. ("I'm not gonna be the best one, guys, chill." - "Well, we think you will be.") He was Eddie’s room mate and about the time Eddie and Richie started dating was when Mike got pulled in, making their group an even four. Beverly had been hesitant at the time. Her father and every man back home made her wary of how men and boys would be towards her, her own boyfriend no help to that thought process at all, but Mike was quick to prove her wrong. He didn’t stare at her as if she were a piece of meat – hell, he still doesn’t, and neither do the other two (for obvious reasons) – and he’s never anything but gentle.

And then there’s Tom.

How she ended up with a nearly carbon copy of her father as a boyfriend during college is beyond her. He looked harmless back then, Bev remembers; he charmed her way into her life, making her believe everything was fine, but then slowly started manipulating different situations and raising his hand at her and verbally threatening her. She should’ve gotten out of it sooner but something kept her there with the asshole; something kept her from telling her friends, coming up with lame excuses as to why another bruise had formed on her wrist.

Fast forward some years. The even four graduated – Tom, too – and Richie beings to work his ass off to get gigs and all for his stand up comedy career that hopefully won't flop, and Eddie’s searching for assistant teaching jobs, and Beverly is working at really nice hair salon that pays well, and Mike is in Veterinary School. And she’s still with Tom; her friends are starting to catch on, if they hadn’t before. A few more years down the line, Richie gets a big break (okay not that big, but it's a break nonetheless), and somehow becomes extremely popular among the teens after his tweet about his cute but angry chihuahua like boyfriend. Eddie has been an assistant teacher for a couple years now and getting ready to become just a regular teacher; and Mike’s out of Veterinary School, and Bev’s opening up her own salon after a two year business program at a community college. She’s still dating Tom.

Until she’s not. At 26, Beverly has had enough. After nearly seven or eight years of something she grew up enough with because of her father, she gains the courage to finally stand up again to her another abusive man in her life. The other three finally knew the entire truth and with their help and pep talks and comforting words and hugs, Beverly stands up for herself. She dumps Tom. A fight ensues. She acquired a few new bruises and he expects her still in their shared apartment when he comes home from work. But when he’s gone, through tears and cries, she packs up everything. Literally everything. And then she’s getting in the crappy Honda she’s had since her first year in college with all of her belongings and driving to Richie’s and Eddie’s house just a little bit away. They aren't there, though. Richie is on a mini tour for a month and to because it was the summer and to celebrate the fact someone hired him as an actual teacher for the upcoming school year, Eddie tagged along.

Beverly doesn’t trust men, and the full reason why hits her like a train as she sits in her best friend’s and his boyfriend’s home, alone and honestly a bit scared. It makes her sad thinking over how much she loves and trusts three guys with her life, but two harmful men and the disgusting, predatory looks from other men out weighs her best friends’ good intentions. As she sits there, suitcases haphazardly pushed into the living room and body sore, she wonders if she should go to the doctor. It’s only a few bruises and a busted lip, though. Eddie, if he knew, would be fussing over her and dragging her out of the house in an instant to get her checked on from worry – the opposite of what his mother did constantly to him as a child.

The redhead chuckles at the thought of the Kaspbrak fretting over her, but then a few tears are leaving her eyes and suddenly she’s crying again, and wanting to call one of her boys, but she can’t. She doesn’t want to. Not yet, anyway. Richie’s having too much fun, Eddie’s enjoying his break, Mike is already working, having a good time while doing so. They didn’t need to worry over her while they’re living their lives to the fullest.

A bark interrupts her thought process and she blinks, confused for a split second until she remembers Sid. A black lab with too much energy for her own good, just a little over a year old. Richie and Eddie had gotten Sid when she was four months old. They almost didn’t get her all because they weren't sure how often they'd get to spend with the puppy. Both are home more often than they thought, though still both of their jobs restrain them from spending the amount of time they want with the puppy - less often than they first thought, though. Thankfully, both Mike and Bev are available more often than not, Bev the most. They help take care of Sid when the couple can’t, which honestly isn't that much, and the adorable dog has somehow formed into everyone’s pet over time with how often they're all at the Tozier-Kaspbrak house.

Bev wipes under her eyes and cheeks, wincing at her palm pushes into the bruise on her cheek too hard, and makes her way through the house to the back door. She peers outside to the fenced backyard and sees Sid near the back, tail up and ears perked; on high alert. The dog probably heard something she didn't like, or maybe saw a squirrel. Beverly opens the door after she unlocks it, and one hand rests on the door frame.

“Sid!” She shouts to get the dogs attention. “C’mere, girl!” Sid yaps and runs to Beverly instantly, and the woman’s laughing a bit as she crouches down, the dog attacking her with licks. Beverly pets the dog in return and moves to sit on her butt. “Hey, girl. You missed me, huh? I was just here yesterday, though, before your dads left. You miss them, too? Hm, I bet. I do. Yeah, I do, and they miss you, no doubt about it. C’mon, hey- oof, let me stand up, girl. Sid- Okay, thank you. Hey, can you sit? I’ll give you treat! Good girl, let me take a picture.”

Beverly snaps a picture of Sid, the black lab’s tongue hanging out the side of her mouth as she pants, floppy ears forward and dark eyes wide. She quickly sends the picture to Eddie, paired with a text of heart and dog emojis and ‘she misses u!’. She then ushers Sid inside, brows furrowing when she thinks she sees the dog limping, but it was hard to tell. She quickly finds the dog treats in the kitchen pantry, and feeds Sid one right as she gets a reply from her friend.

[from: coffee buddy 11:49 am MNFK SHES SO CUTESJDK I MISS HER TOO GIVE HER LOVE SOME LOVE FOR US]

[to: coffee buddy 11:50 am i'll be sure to give her all the love dw ur pretty lil head]

[from: dipshit 11:52 am SID!!!!!!! THE CUTEST!!!!!!!!!! THANK U FOR UR SERVICE BEV]

[to: dipshit 11:52 am mwah ur welcome rich x]

She smiles at their reactions. It's cute and something she's seen a thousand times throughout the year they've had Sid. One time, she had watched and listened to Richie gush over Sid sleeping with her head in Eddie's lap, his boyfriend drifting off to sleep as well. Unfortunately, that memory ends with Tom calling her and demanding her home for the night, cutting the friends' fun night together short.

Beverly finds herself frowning at the memory and doesn't bother to keep track of Sid as she wanders throughout the house. The young woman stays in the kitchen, her mood coming back down. She brushes stands of her long hair out of her face, her features scrunching up in disgust. She hates it long. Hates the way it gets the way and how she always has to do something with it, always having to get tangles out at the ends. Tom loves her long hair though, and after some persuasion back in college, Beverly grew it out again and kept it at the same mid-back length. Her stomach churns with the realization her father liked her hair long, too. It was the reason she chopped it all off in the first place. Self-hate settles in her, and she can feel the tears coming back as she leans against the counter when her phone starts ringing again. She jumps. The irrational part of her brain is telling her that the caller is Tom, that he somehow found out that she left home while at work, and he's coming over to drag her back. The other part - the rational part - knows that can't be it.

With shaky hands, she pulls her phone back out. Relief floods through her at seeing the familiar number of one of her clients. She sighs and presses the green dot on the screen before putting it on speaker. It was Audra Phillips, a wonderful woman around her age that started coming to Beverly's own salon the moment it opened, always complimenting Bev's work and saying how the redhead should be a renowned stylist for hair, makeup and clothes. "Hi, Audra," she greets, hoping her voice doesn't give off the fact that she had been close to crying.

"Beverly, hi!" Audra greets, happy. If she can tell something is up, she doesn't say anything. "I was just wondering if we're still on for one today? It's just- I'm busy these next couple days and there's a court case Friday, and I really don't want to look like shit. The split ends are bad. And it's my first one, y'know?"

"Of course, yeah," Beverly does her best to sound up beat. "I was actually just about to leave to get everything ready." It's a lie, but the other woman doesn't need to know that. Until Audra called, Beverly's mind had completely pushed away her one o'clock appointment, too engrossed into the early morning fight with Tom and her leaving without his knowledge.

"Wonderful! You are a life saver, Marsh, I fucking love you."

A genuine smile reaches her lips. "It's truly no problem, Audra. I'll see you at one."

They hang up, and Beverly goes to the bathroom after fishing her makeup bag from one of her suitcases. She stares at herself, taken back by the appearance. The bruise on her cheek is worse than she thought, and she had dried blood she didn't know about on her chin from the cut on her lip. Her striking blue eyes are bloodshot and rimmed red from crying on and off throughout the morning, and her bright red hair was a bird's nest. She is a complete and utter mess, and she has no idea how to make it seem like she isn't. But she does her best for the next ten minutes; she covers up the bruise with ease, and does her make up to where the only indication of her crying are the bloodshot eyes. She tames her hair to the best of her ability and just throws it into a ponytail. She keeps what she's already wearing on - a tee from Disney World that she got a some years back when she and her three friends were all free of school - with light skinny jeans and converse. Then, she puts Sid back outside in the backyard, grabs her keys, makes sure the doors are all locks and that the lights are off, and finally leaves.

+++

"-and I've always wanted to start a fashion line. Or do something with fashion, and make up too, which is why I started that- that...what's the word? Oh, well, that thing where people can make appointments for getting their makeup and hair done for dates, or prom, or whatever - oh, a bundle! The two in one. Gosh, I'm the owner and can't even fucking remember these things correctly," Beverly says, wincing as she remembers that she's talking to a customer. "Sorry for my language."

Audra chuckles from where she sits directly in front of Beverly, the woman behind her snipping away at her now wet hair. "You know I don't care about your language, Bev, keep on with it. And don't down talk yourself, sweetie, everyone forgets things."

They meet eyes in the mirror and share a smile. Audra has been at the salon for some time now. Beverly washed the other woman's hair before actually starting to cut it, per Audra's request. During that time they had conversed about a million and one things, leaving one conversation to go to another only to jump back to a topic that had long since been forgotten when one of them remembered something else. It was nice, Beverly had to admit. It was getting her mind off of that morning.

"Would you add fashion if you could? To the bundle - making a three in one deal."

Beverly's brows knit together as she thinks about it. Then, "Most likely. I think it would be hard to do, though. I don't think fashion is one of my strong suits, and... I dunno, the makeup deal probably won't last too much longer and I doubt the fashion thing would, either."

Audra snorts with a roll of her eyes. "You are one of the most talented women I know with all of this," she tells Beverly, hands moving under the cape. "I've never been disappointed once, and the make up you do for the prom and special events are fucking fantastic! Your fashion sense is off the charts when you dress up; hell, even when you dress down. You have the potential to do all three, Bev. What's holding you back?" The question is quieter, filled with so much care; and her other words are full of sincerity. It has Beverly faltering her movements.

She licks her lips. She knows what's holding her back. "Tom," she says simply as she quickly goes back to doing Audra's hair, and she hopes it doesn't sound as bitter and fearful as it felt. "He's always been supportive of this - of the hair salon - but he's always...apprehensive about the makeup. And then about the fashion, he's just so against it."

"What do men know?" Audra asks. "And what does Tom even do?"

"He works at some small business. A financial analysis."

"He's just jealous. Scared, maybe, of you turning out better than him. God, men are so...ugh."

"There are a few decent ones out there," Beverly says, thinking of her friends. A large smile tugs at her lips. "My best friends. Richie's annoying as all fuck, but he's genuinely caring when he wants to be. Usually to his boyfriend, and me. We grew up together, so we're basically siblings. Then there's Eddie - Richie's boyfriend. A damn firecracker. A bit crazy. A mother hen, at times. Oh, and Mike! He's probably the most genuine, nice guy I know. He's over six feet, and Rich calls him a gentle giant. I'd call him the perfect guy, but he loves pranks, and he and Rich get into a prank war three times a year and they drag Eddie and me into them too. They're not perfect - not by a long shot - but they're the most decent guys I know. I doubt there's any 'perfect guy'."

Audra's quiet for a moment. "I'm surprised you didn't put Tom in there."

Beverly's jaw clenches for a moment. "Why would I put my ex in a list of good men?" She says in a casual way and hopes that it doesn't cause dramatic reactions from those around her. It does. Her regulars and few employees know of her and Tom. It was clear no one likes him, and Bev knows that maybe they figured out something had been wrong about the relationship, but she always painted Tom as a good guy to others despite the bruises littering her skin and his harsh words towards her even in public. Audra's jaw drops and Beverly stops snipping the hair and moved her arms to her sides just in time as Audra turned around, and she sets the scissors on a flat surface. A gasp is heard across the building, and Bev turns her head to see her good friend and employee, Kay McCall, standing a few chairs away, getting ready for another customer.

"Did he dump you?" Audra asks, almost sounding hesitant to do so.

Beverly looked back at her, and then at Kay who is walking over at the speed of lightning. "I... Actually, I dumped him," she says slowly. "This morning." It almost feels wrong telling the girls first instead of her best friends first, but there's a sense of relief that comes with telling someone and Bev figures that the boys won't mind.

Kay squeals and pulls Beverly into a tight hug. "Oh, my god, I thought you'd never get rid of that ass!" She pauses and pulls away, keeping her hands on her friend's shoulders. A serious yet excited expression sits on her face. "I know it's no surprise I don't like him, okay, I'm sorry. I know you loved him too but, babe, that boy was a total whack job! He gave me the fucking creeps!"

Audra is nodding along. "I wanted to say something, but we're not that close, y'know? And I didn't wanna piss you off accidentally."

"I honestly thought you were gonna end up marrying him. It was, like, my worst fear the longest time," Kay admits. Her hands finally leave Beverly's shoulders.

"Mine too." Beverly takes in their looks, and she wants to take the words back but it's too late. She doesn't want to tell them what he's done, it's too early and too fresh to tell someone out right, so she doesn't. "I stopped loving him, is all," she lies. But, it's not really a lie. "I felt obligated to stay in the relationship, I guess. Probably a bit scared, too, because we've been together since the end of my second year of college. I finally just ripped off the band-aid this morning."

Audra smiles softly. "Long ones are the hardest to end."

Kay nods in agreement. "Yeah. Hey, I've got a pullout at my apartment if you need a place to stay. I know you two were living together."

Beverly shakes her head. "Thanks, but I'm good for now. Rich and Eddie are out of the city for a month, and I'm already visiting there to dog sit. Might as well house sit, too. I'll call if I decide to take you up on that offer, though."

They share a few more words - not much at all, though - and soon Beverly is back to Audra's hair, and Kay is walking up front where a new customer is stepping in. She licks lips, feeling how chapped they are, and her nose scrunches the slightest bit as her tongue went over the cut. She had forgotten about it, and at remembering it she is grateful that neither Audra nor Kay asked about it. She doesn't know what she would have come up with if they did.

+++

The rest of the day consisted of Beverly having a few more customers, going to the grocery store because she knows for a fact that Richie and Eddie have zero food at their house, walking around fearful, and finally getting to the Tozier-Kaspbrak residence with the sun completely gone because apparently shopping and driving takes a lot longer than she realizes. She keeps the doors locked and lets Sid roam around as she puts up the groceries - she was right, they had no food - and later feeds Sid, noticing that the limp she thought she saw that morning is, in fact, a limp and it looked the slightest bit worse. After dinner, and after letting Sid outside for a few minutes to use the bathroom, Beverly's phone starts to ring and ring, and ping continuously, messages and missed calls from Tom keeping the device occupied. She waits, but the messages and calls come in nearly every second. Every minute. She wants to call someone - Mike, Richie, Kay, Eddie, anyone but Tom - but she can't pick up the phone, because that means looking at her messages. She knows it's not going to happen, but that doesn't stop her from feeling as if even if she touched the phone Tom would find out where she is like some telepathic demon from Hell.

It's not until she's hearing her own wheezing when it dawns on her that she's having a panic attack over the stupid fucking calls and text messages, curling in on herself against one of the kitchen walls, cheeks wet and make up smudged because of her tears. She hasn't had one in years, not since her first year in college, which is a surprise in and of itself given who she's been dating. Her mind struggles to grasp at what to do - its been eight years - but once she remembers, Beverly does her best to do it. It takes time, much longer than she would like to admit, but she soon calms down. Her hands stop shaking, and her cheeks are starting to dry, and her phone is silent too. Sid is laying a few feet away, staring. Worried. Beverly sniffles. Shakily, she stands and the young dog moves her head up in a flash, eyes trained on Beverly as the young woman moves across the kitchen. Sid then quickly gets up and limps to where she's right beside Bev.

Her eyes squeeze shut as she unlocks her phone to avoid looking at the missed calls and unread texts, and it makes her want to throw up as she does it but she blocks Tom's number, erases the messages and makes the missed calls notifications go away.

Then, she's going to bed in the guest room, exhausted. Sid is at her feet in the bed when she's supposed to be in her bog bed and kennel, but Beverly doesn't care. Rich and Eddie don't have to know, anyway. She's too relaxed. She feels too safe with Sid there. So, she lets Sid stay there, eventually falling asleep.

+++

It's halfway through the morning when Beverly notices Sid is heavily favoring her right front leg as she plays without a care in the world in the backyard. It concerns her, worries her, so she calls the nearest vet and places an appointment at two - and coincidentally, it's the one Mike works at. She doesn't call her two best friends yet, not wanting to worry them in case nothing is wrong. She doesn't go into work. She doesn't want to, simply put, so she doesn't. She's the owner, anyway, and goes in whenever she pleases; the fact that she had no one specifically ask for her on that day was another reason Bev doesn't go in, and she knows the employees can handle themselves. She takes a nice, warm, long shower and brings Sid inside around noon. Then she has lunch, and as the time for Sid's appointment rolls closer, she changes into Nike shorts and the same t-shirt she wore the day before, uncaring of who saw her in it yesterday. She's still emotionally drained from the night before, so it surprises her that she didn't walk out in sweats and a hole-y shirt.

The drive to the vet is fine. Sid stays in the backseat, constantly moving into different positions and standing to look between the front seats, even though her front leg is probably hurting her. Upon reaching the vet clinic, the hope of seeing Mike rises, and she gets out with Sid quickly, locking her car, and then goes inside. It’s not long at all until she’s sitting in one of the back rooms waiting for someone to come in and check on Sid. Not too soon later, the door is opening and she’s hoping it’s Mike, but it’s not. She tries not to look too disappointed, though it wasn’t hard at all given as the guy who walks in is attractive.

She blinks, taking in the dirty blond hair and soft brown eyes; he’s tall, too – about Richie’s or Mike’s height – and at first Beverly, admittedly, tensed up. Here’s a guy who she doesn’t know and therefore doesn’t trust, and her first thought is that he’s going to say something her. To try and flirt. To seem as if he’s this perfect dude trying to win Bev over for a hookup. But then he’s giving her a warm smile before crouching down to Sid who’s jumping in excited at seeing a new person, and she suddenly feels bad for jumping to conclusions.

“Hey,” the guy laughs as Sid licks his face. “You’re a friendly one, aren’t you? Who’ve we got here today?” He’s then looking at Bev and standing up.

Beverly twists the leash in her hands. “That’s Sid. Um, she has a bad limp, and I just got worried.”

He nods and looks back down to the dog, who’s now laying on the floor at his feet, panting as she stares up at him. “Yeah, I noticed it when I walked in. It’s pretty significant. If you don’t mind, I’ll take her to weigh her out there. We’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s fine, do what you gotta do,” she says. “I’ve never been to a vet before. Sid’s not mine, she’s my friend’s. I’m just dog sitting while he and his boyfriend are outta town. I figured I should bring her myself in case something is actually seriously wrong.”

He smiles as he slips the vet’s leash on Sid with ease, and unclasps the other off of her collar. “That's nice of you to do.”

“I'd do anything for my friends.” Beverly sets the leash in her lap, giving a tiny smile. “She pulls a lot, by the way. Just a warning,” she tells the man.

He nods. “It’s fine. Be back in a jiff,” he tells her and then he’s out of the room with Sid, the dog excitedly walking and pulling. Beverly chuckles and leans back in the chair, blue eyes looking at the framed picture on the wall. It’s an illustration of different types of dogs and their names and where they originally came from.

She’s about to stand up to get a better look when the guy and Sid come back in. He walks the dog to her and lets her reattach the leash before removing the vet’s leash. “How much does she weigh?” Bev asks, curious, frowning at how Sid is favoring her leg.

“Thirty pounds,” he says.

“That’s good, right?”

He nods. “Yes, it is. Female labs usually get up to between twenty-five and thirty-two.”

Bev smiles and pets Sid. “Well, you’re a healthy girl, huh? Other than your leg.” She looks up at the guy, and he’s already looking at her with an expression she can’t read. Its similar to the one Richie gives her once in a while when he’s in a particularly loving mood towards everyone; but there’s something about this guy’s expression that’s so different from it at the same time. There’s no lust, no want, no desire. Almost admiration, if she has to label it. It’s a look she’s not used to, to say the least, and she has to look away and back down to Sid. “So, are you going to check her out, or is there some big shot vet doc that has to come in?” She asks. “Dr. Doolittle, maybe?”

He seems to jolt back into reality at the question, and if Bev were to look up she would see his cheeks reddening. “Huh- oh, yeah. I’m just- just an intern here, trying to get my foot in the door before I finally become a veterinarian myself. No Dr. Doolittle, though.”

Beverly chuckles and looks up. “Shame. I’d pay some real money to have Dr. Doolittle here.”

He smiles, still blushing a little. “I’d pay to be Dr. Doolittle.” Then, “I’ll go get the ‘big shot vet doc’.” He uses air quotes as he uses the words Beverly had said moments before, chuckling lightly as she rolls her eyes with no malice behind the action.

“Alright. Oh- hey, uh,” she hesitates, “I’m Beverly Marsh, by the way. I should’ve introduced myself sooner. Sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I’m Ben Hanscom. I’ll be right back with the doctor, Beverly.”

As he leaves, she can’t help but feel a bit embarrassed about just introducing herself like that so abruptly, but she pushes the feeling away. A few minutes later, the guy – Ben, and she can’t help but think how well the name suits him – walks in with the doctor. They check on Sid, have her walk around for a few seconds, and then the doctor is explaining that nothing seems wrong.

“There isn’t any swelling or cuts or broken bones, so it’s probably just a bad sprain. Nothing too bad, thankfully, but you’ll have to restrict how much she plays for it to get better. I’ll prescribe her some pain medication that you’ll give her once a day for seven days. If it’s not better by this day next week, I suggest bringing her back. It’ll most likely require surgery if that’s the case.”

Beverly nods along to the words and takes the information in, planning on calling Richie once she leaves to explain everything to him. After that, both the doctor and Ben are leaving again, Ben coming back five minutes later with a small, blue pill bottle.

“Give her one forth of these everyday, and it should help,” Ben tells her as he hands the bottle to her. “I hope she gets better. She’s such a sweetheart.”

Beverly stands and holds the pill bottle with one hand, and Sid’s leash with the other. “Me too. Thank you, by the way.”

He sheepishly smiles and shrugs. “I barely did a thing. It’s all the doctor.”

She chuckles. “Well, thank her too for me. Hey, do you know a Mike Hanlon?”

He nods quickly. “Yeah, he’s another intern for one of the other doctors here.”

“Is he here?”

“Yeah. But he’s helping with a surgery on a sick cat. Why?”

She shrugs. “He’s one of my friends. I was expecting to see him, is all.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Beverly frowns but then smiles, shaking her head as she gets ready to leave. “You’re not a disappointment, Ben. You seem like a cool guy, and it was nice meeting you.”

He’s then giving her another warm smile, and he’s blushing again. “Thanks. It was nice to meet you, too. And Sid, of course.”

Beverly then says a bye with a smile of her own and she walks out of the back room, and to the front. She pays, not minding having to, and walks out with her phone pressed to ear as she calls Richie, explaining what’s wrong and what’s happening with Sid as she drives home. She doesn’t mention the breakup or Ben just yet. She doesn’t want to think about either too much, and telling her best friend about both would require just that. So, she doesn’t. Richie doesn’t ask, either, because one: he avoids the topic of Tom as well because it just puts him in a pissy mood for the rest of the day and he can’t be in a pissy mood during a gig, and two: Beverly have no indication about the guy who helped out at the vet clinic being attractive in any way.

She sighs as she falls into the couch after giving Sid the correct amount of medicine, turning on the TV, pushing any thoughts about men out of her mind as she watches a rerun of an old 90s show.

[fekitza]

Last Time

Hi guys! This is my first time writing on tumblr. I hope you like it. Leave a comment if you want a part 2!

Thank you!

________________________________________________________________

This wasn’t the first time you’ve been stood up by Yoongi and it certainly won’t be the last. Not unless you do something about it.

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1.7k

Warning: Minor swearing, angsty ending

Staring at the melting wax of the candle dispersed on your own toxic thoughts of your now toxic relationship, you wondered where the magic in your relationship with Min Yoongi had disappeared to. Of course, Yoongi wasn’t a man of words but he always made sure that you knew he loved you.

Well, until now.

You stared at the clock and the seconds that ticked away and realized that you had been stood up by the man you love. It wasn’t exactly the first time but you’d made up your mind that it would be your last.

You understood that the man had a busy schedule and you respected it. But after 6 months of sitting alone in a table, cold dinner and an empty bed, you realized that the relationship you had once considered the most important part of your life was now dwindling away and there was nothing you could do to stop it. Not after the long arguments and certainly not after the number of nights you had cried away.

You had met Yoongi on a late summer night 3 years ago. You’ll were both 17 and young messes waiting for the stars to shine upon your youth. He was the kid who never cracked a smile unless needed to and you were the girl hopelessly waiting for the sun to shine on you. On a night that will never be forgotten, two vulnerable souls let their hearts out in the open and a cold heart was warmed by the shine of a smile she had never seen before. After 8 months of cold nights, late night escapades, hot coffee that warmed both your hearts, and music that you fell in love with, Yoongi asked you out falling in love with your beautiful smile. 

And 2 years later, you were here. On a candlelit table waiting for the man you love hopelessly trying to salvage whatever was remaining in your relationship. Love was not lost but the spark was and you wouldn't let yourself hurt no more.

Yoongi had signed with Big Hit Entertainment a year and a half ago and you were extremely happy for him because he was finally fulfilling the dreams he had wished for. You knew that there would be hardships and complications in the future but you knew your relationship was strong enough to withstand them.

But now? You were tired. Tired of missing the warmth of the mint haired boy with a gummy smile. Tired of waiting up for him and let your concern out only to be met with a slamming door of a room. Tired of worrying over him only to be met with an irritating sigh and heated arguments. You were tired of Min Yoongi stepping all over you and taking you for granted. 

But not anymore. 

You left the restaurant with a heavy sigh receiving a pitiful look from the waiter that made you roll your eyes. You pitied yourself too.

You took your phone out of your purse and dialed a number that you would not forget anytime soon.

Yoongi.

It rang thrice before the call ended and you realized that Yoongi had hung upon you.

“That son of a b-” You held your words and took a deep breathe before you called a cab and made your way back home feeling your eyes tear up as you realized the gravity of the situation.

You loved Min Yoongi but did he love you anymore?

________________________________________________________________

Slipping out of your favorite dress that Yoongi loved relishing upon, you left a message for him before heading out to the kitchen to finish up your supplies.

After an hour or so, you heard a knock hoping that it was the person you may or may not want to see.

Pulling the knob of the door, you were engulfed into a hug peppered with kisses and mumbles of apologies. You were furious if he thought that everything would be okay just by doing this.

Yous shoved him off of you and your eyes pricked as you felt them being filled up with your tears.

“What the fuck, Yoongi?” You exclaimed withyour arms folded over your chest as you looked at the boy with a solemn look on his face.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry baby. The boys and I we-” Yoongi started while fiddling his hands but you were tired of his bullshit.

“Enough, Yoongi. I’m so tired of your bullshit excuses.” You looked at him with glossy eyes.

“Baby, please, I’ll make it up to you.” Yoongi pleaded with an annoyed look on his face.

“Stop feeding me the same line every time you stand me up for a date or a dinner. Yoongi, I’m tired of waiting up for you in the night or worrying whether you're having your meals or not or if you’re practicing yourself to death. I’m tired that everytime we try to talk it ends up in an argument.” Just like this one is, you predicted. “It’s like every time I show my concern for you, you just get annoyed and go to sleep and leave me in a shitty state.”

“What do you want me to say, Y/N. I can’t just skip my schedule and come running after you.” Yoongi says dragging his hand over his face with an exasperated look.

“Yoongi, we planned this two weeks prior! Don’t give me your shit that your schedule was packed and you couldn’t make it. I just wanted some of your time to spend it with me. That is all I asked for. Can’t you do it for me?”

Yoongi gave you a hard look. “Look, I’ll make it up to you. Just sleep, yeah? I don’t need you yapping and nagging me every single hour of the day. Why can’t you just understand that I’m tired after a long day.

You were downright furious. He didn’t want you nagging him? 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that my worry for you and our relationship was troubling you in any way. I’m sorry, only your needs are valued in this relationship, am I right? You forged out with a fake smile on your face.

“Y/N, just leave me alone, I’ve had a long day.” He gritted out after releasing a long sigh.

You teared up once again but didn’t let it down your face, You couldn’t do this anymore. You were done. 

“Yoongi, I have loved you time after time, watched you ruin yourself over your music but I was there to pick up the pieces. I was there when you needed someone. I was there through your bad shit and your good shit, I stood up for you when you needed me to. Every time, I worry about your well being, whether you’ve eaten too much, whether you didn’t practice too much. And I can’t even sleep properly unless I know you’re safe and sound. I can’t keep sitting alone in a table watching those pitiful glances of strangers who know I’ve been stood up by my boyfriend of 2 fucking years. You’ve hurt me in so many ways possible but I never gave up cause I love you. I love you so much and god it hurts and I can’t do this anymore, Yoongi. I can’t keep breaking myself because I keep wondering if even love me anymore. Music is important to you, I get it. But I need to be important to you too. And I’m done, Yoongi.” I let out a breath and the emotions I had kept in letting my tears fall.

Yoongi’s hard look softens and he looks up to me with wide eyes taking everything I said in. “What are you saying, Y/N?”

I took a long breath before I opened my mouth. “Let’s break up, Yoongi.”

Yoongi looks at me with a vulnerable look on his face and shakes his head. “Y/N, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this but I-”

You cut him off with a soft voice showing that you’ve given up. “But what, Yoongi. I give up trying to make this relationship work.”

“You’re giving up so fast without even doing anything about it.” He snarls.

Your temper flared. “Giving up so fast? 6 months, Yoongi. 6 fucking long months of cold dinner and an empty space in bed and my fucking heart. It’s like there’s this big cut out shape of Min Yoongi in my heart and it hurts so fucking much. Oh trust me, Yoongi, I tried so fucking hard and now I can’t try anymore. I’m fucking done. I’m done with you and this fucking pathetic excuse we call a relationship.” You yell with an empty look in your eyes.

“Y/N, please don’t do this right now.” He rubbed his temples and closed his eyes.

You scoff. “Yoongi, when was the last time we laughed together or actually the last time we talked to each other without biting each others necks about something irrelevant. It’s like every time I talk you just want me to shut the fuck up and I hate it.”

You looked up at him with wet eyelashes and asked him a question he never thought you would. “Do you even love me anymore, Yoongi?”

“Y/N, what the fuck? Of course, I do. It’s just that, I’m really busy and-” He tried desperately realizing the severity of the situation. Realizing that you could walk out of his life forever. And he wasn’t ready for that. Not now, not ever.

You took a step towards him and rested your palm on his cheek which he readily accepted. “I’m sorry, Yoongi. I love you but I can’t keep breaking myself anymore.” And you took a step back and to the door slamming it shut. You didn’t know where you were gonna go but you were definitely going to get the fuck out of here. You felt sobs erupting from you and ran into the pouring rain and out of Min Yoongi’s life.

Yoongi stood in shock before he dropped down on his knees and let small sobs fill his body as he realized that he had broken the one thing he had promised to protect forever.

And with rain hitting your head and tears falling out of your eyes at a rapid rate, Yoongi let himself down and cried his heart out.

[a-writing-bear]

[PruCan] Chapter 2: Soft-Spoken Calling, They Want Their Shyness Back

Ao3 Link:

http://archiveofourown.org/works/11159997/chapters/24905436

This Has been cross-posted onto FF & Ao3 under Aliases: BearBooper

You can read this Fic on tumblr under ‘Keep Reading’

Previous Chapter    Next Chapter

Fandom: Hetalia Axis Powers

Main Pairing: Gilbert Beilschmidt & Matthew Williams (Prussia & Canada)

AU:  College AU - Art Student Matthew and Media/Film Student Gilbert

Age Rating/Mature:  Teen And Up Audiences (12+ due to mentions of mature themes as well as swearing)

Trigger Warnings: None in this chapter (Future addiction to mention themes such as addiction, rape etc.)

Finding a hook-up was never hard. Gilbert knew how to wave and woo any guy and gal (granted he needed to actually try). Night after night, a beautiful girl, a dashing lad – it didn’t matter. Putting it simply, the way the white-haired devil seduced people was effective and singular. It was not a ‘series’ of escapades; the word ‘series’ describe the concept of continuation...what Gilbert did was not continuations, not one after another (Oh he most definitely did NOT share his lays). They were separate events to him. After a tom-foolery of sorts, it would be a good morning and goodbye; a prompt push out of the door to say the least.

It was ‘fuck’ then ‘wish them luck.’

He would carry on the next day, carrying himself in such a prideful manner one could wonder how so many looked forward to being in bed with someone like that. If anyone asked Gilbert if the evenings of a stranger after stranger got boring, he would confidently shrug the question aside with ‘the philosophy of a player’. The thought of falling in love, further than a silly high school crush, was absurd. Devotion to another human being? A sudden feeling of glee towards another human being? A day when he would experience all that seemed too far to even acknowledge.

And yet here he was, locked in staring into purple irises from a boy he had only just met. Heart panging and brain whizzing without reason or sense. Breathe. Think. Breathe, why is it so hard to breathe? Think? What order was it again? It felt breathlessly confusing.

“G-Gilbert could you like let go?” a heat rose to his face and he backed away quickly and let go of a sprig of strawberry blonde hair. A soundless sigh of relief was released by Matthew, and a flustered motion of twiddling fingers accompanied the timid look the shorter boy wore. Bathing in the seemingly, weird comfortable silence that engulfed the room the taller of the two proposed to get to know each other:

“Would you like to chill here? - I mean- like if you have nothing to do. I see you like my posters and stuff.”

Gilbert watched the reaction carefully, searching for any hatred or disgust to appear, he was aware of what reputation he had.

“eh? I’ve got art coursework and I’m sorta- I’m behind on it.”

Art coursework? Considering Matthew’s brother was a mathematical prodigy and science ‘fanatic’ (Gilbert really meant ‘geek’ but that sounded rude) he found it slightly alarming to hear that the student here was in the art stream…’although that does explain his slightly dishevelled look in that paint-covered shirt’. Gilbert found himself wanting to learn more and before he could stop himself he let it slip,

“Do you want to paint in here?”

In reality, Gilbert didn’t like studying alone. As much as he enjoyed his editing and planning scenes for his media course, it was draining sitting in a room cooped up alone. Hence why he relied on loud music to occupy his fleeting thoughts. The study hall and common room had been crowded with the varsity sports teams who were watching the campus’ big play-offs this week and the noise had been maliciously distracting. The study hall bred conversations too inane for his liking; snippets of people’s personal lives too irrelevant for Gilbert to sit through. On top of that, if needing a good environment meant travelling into the student-habitat known as the library (a place of late night coffee addicts struggling to complete 4 months of work) then he would rather fail the semester.

He had noticed the unsure reaction of the artist and gulped as the boy opened his mouth to reply:

“Well- My art stuff is already setup and messy in my room…I can’t really bring it here. Would- would you like to sit in my room? I…don’t mind.”

Gilbert’s face light up with happiness (relief as well- though he wouldn’t admit to it.), he took his laptop and charger along with a portfolio that he swore weighed more than Ludwig when he was a child and followed Matthew into the neighbours’ room. Most of the people here were the first-years, a close-knit community that, 4 out of 5 times, respected and trusted each other’s personal space so they both waltzed in carelessly not looking to shut out anyone and left the door gaping out open.

Matthew motioned for Gilbert to sit down in front of his desk. Gingerly he place his laptop down and ducked down to plug in his worn out charger. As he reclined in the Canadian’s chair he witnessed a genius in the works of what Gilbert could only describe as pure emotion splayed out on a too-small-for-it’s-worth canvas.

For a few moments, the artist had pondered whether he had made another wrongful decision inviting the albino into his safe space – thinking about it more ‘I don’t usually do this huh.’ One step within his room the thoughts seemed to melt away as he looked longingly to his painting, engrossed in the pursuit to add more paint onto the canvas Matthew didn’t notice the audience-like attention his guest was giving him.  Beautiful hues of red a green were doused carefully onto the illustration of springtime bliss. “eh- I would prefer something more autumn-y or…winter.” He mused to himself and mulled over the idea of painting something for his dorm after this fairly boring assignment is finished.

“Why autumn or winter?”

He was jolted out of his caged thoughts from that question, did he say that out loud?

“I-err I don’t particularly like this piece, it’s not the best. I personally like winter landscapes mor-“

A loud gasp hit Matthew’s ears and the Albino had screeched out as if utterly bewildered by the earlier comment,

“You don’t like it?! It’s really... really good- Better than what I could ever do! I’ve been trying to find someone who could draw a scene like that for ages!” The artist’s cheeks had flamed up in such overwhelming embarrassment (and a tiny smidge of smug pride) that he almost lost the latter of what Gilbert had blurted out.

Scene? Oh. Gilbert must be a media student….-actually no wonder he seems familiar...was he that guy that sometimes appeared mysteriously near Feli and his Ludwig? – On the odd chance the departments had overlapping projects it wasn’t uncommon to find media students mingling with his fellow artists. Incidentally, he recalled about a month ago, he was commissioned by that smaller Finnish fellow (“O-Oh No I’m not Swedish, Berwald just hangs around a lot.”) to help apply face paint for a strange music video in a probably-Nordic language (I wonder if Tino did get an A for that project).

“Scene for what?”

He had obviously caught those red eyes off guard, then as if a light switch had been flicked the boy’s grin grew wide.

“An Animation! Wanna see the storyboard? I’ve been looking for an animator, seeing as my drawing skills can be described as the equivalent of a…What was that saying…um...? A fish trying to climb a tree…”

It wasn’t like Matthew was trying to be rude, however, he had tuned out Gilbert after the silver haired student had turned his heavy overloaded binder of paper for show. The page was full. It looked overly detailed, annotated words scribbled over the crudely but clearly illustrated panels of what seemed to be a short story of a young boy? As he leant down closer to investigate the piece he noticed the smaller details scrawled in between the panels like ‘Screen transition – autumn’ or ‘Redo panel, reframe’. With such a thorough and comprehensive plan, any animator would know exactly what the director would want from them. ‘Honestly, if only the people who commissioned him would give him details like that – I’m looking at you Tino’

“…Actually just realised what that fish quote meant...man that’s really smart I guess, can’t believe I…”

Oh. Gilbert was still yapping. His lavender eyes scoped up and down the page and he hummed in approval of the chatterbox’s work. He was staring so close to the page that the Canadian could feel his glasses slipping off…

“…..Hey! I should hire you to be my animator!”

Matthew had glanced so quickly at Gilbert in that moment that his glasses had slanted in the movement. This is going to be a long semester.

[nolongertuesday]

[entry] demi-lune soleil

I am just here to pour out a sickening hubbub feeling pulsating inside me. Was triggered by a local webtoon I read to kill time –– I shouldn't have since it is nearing exam week but I couldn't help it, and now I am regretting it as my mind is filled with unwanted flashbacks.

The art is pretty, that is what has initially caught me to click it in the first place. I was entranced by the choice of the colours and the watercolour vibes in the art style. Now that this entry is turning into a review-like thing, I should probably gush about the webtoon "Salty Studio" sometimes –– I really really really like such art styles.

Sorry I am sidetracking a lot, it is probably my inner self trying so hard to avoid coming to this pathetic matter. As I am typing down, I am actually noting how it is hard for me to objectively assess my current mental state.

***

Holy shet! Let's just get to it!

The webtoon is an Indonesian webtoon available on LINE webtoon platform. You could trick the region locator by clicking into webtoons.com/id I think. I haven't checked whether or not this webtoon has been translated into other languages but I would suppose some fans have translated it to English, at the very least.

It's entitled "Matahari 1/2 Lingkar" in the local language, meaning "Semicircular Sun". If I were the cross-border operation director for LINE Webtoon, I would probably suggest a better-sounding translated title like "demi-lune soleil" or "mezzaluna sole" (although some translates mezzaluna as crescent-shaped, so I'm not entirely sure). I took half-moon instead of semicircle because apparently other worldly translations to semicircle sucks (hehe). But I am not confident myself if I am using the correct grammar right there. Anyway...

The story follows Kayra, a graphic designer, 10 plus years later after her first love and first heartbreak. All the while we would be clamouring to support her in her struggle to move on (yes, we would be clamouring and making whale noises).

You might think, 

"10 years already, and still not moving on?!" 

or something along the lines of "what an exaggeratedly dramatic person?!" And perhaps as we follow her in her journey there would be times when you are going to be like "There is a new guy right there, I can't believe she is still in the past?! I can't relate with her," and you'll probably end up remarking 

"I can't deal with this kind of character development."

By the way, I am not making these up, these are practically a summary of some comments to the webtoon. On a side note, I am so glad it is not the opinion of the majority :) Instead, in the most recent chapters, everyone has been cheering for Kay. #goKay

But for those of you who are a little bit more attentive and suspecting, you'd probably would like some background story before jumping into conclusions. For that, thank you very much and here I welcome you our other main character, Arka (pronounced like archa- of archaic).

Just like the name suggests, Arka is was is was like a sunshine to Kay, they shared moments in high school. Arka was there to encourage Kay in her aspirations, Kay was there to stirred a funny yet pleasant feeling in Arka. It was as cute as any high school romance. You'd probably getting flashbacks from reading it like I did.

Anyway, this half-review-half-ranting entry is not supposed to spoil shits for you future fans. But I would guess that webtoon readers' age demographics probably consists of a wide range and I’m not really here to judge what personal interpretation or perspective you are going to take as you read. However, a reminder to future readers is; I want y’all to think as Kay and Arka as you delve further into their stories, conflicts, interactions, and whatever that is. The flashbacks you are getting might be tempting enough for you to compare what you used to have and what is going on in the story.

Coming to my opinion on how the reader should keep in mind as they read this webtoon, I personally feel that most of the readers fail to see why Kay fails to move on after 10+ years. It might be due to the fact that author keeps portraying her worst flashbacks in some chapters which is why in the earlier chapters, before the truth to the past conflicts that keeps haunting Kay was revealed, everyone is hardly able to symphatise towards Kay.

Oh, right! I haven't exactly introduced myself. Hi, I am the owner of this tumblr and the next-door wordpress. I used to be in the same boat as these commenters, despite being a 'Kay' myself.

Yes. I haven't moved on from my first crush in junior high school that transcended to another 2 years in high school because my hometown is too small. At this juncture, it is already entering its eighth year, and I am not typing it down to gush about it (not sure if it is something to brag about anyway).

I personally am sick at Kay's constant self-submission to her thoughts that the reason why things are going down is all her fault. Until I said this out loud,

"but what about myself?"

Then I realised that Kay just has never experienced the closure that she needs to move on. That's why the flashbacks keep replaying, that's why the idea of him never goes away. You, especially if you have graduated from high school or have long expired (lol), might think it has been years, surely there must have been exciting things to have distracted her away.

And the answer is obviously no in her case. You will find a chapter explaining that but in short if you have no closure whatsoever, it is going to weigh your mind for so long, especially for people like Kay. If you are pragmatic enough to let go of the memories of your first love even without closure, good for you then. But for some people, those memories would be etched forever so stickily and it would hinder them until an established label (that is closure, ladies and gentlemen) is plastered onto these memories and translated as "it's okay, let's move on!"

Coming back to me, I would say my case isn't as bad as Kay's. I do not have my fair share of closure to actually be able to completely shut these memories away. But I am still a lot better in getting myself busy or deluding myself into thinking that I have moved on. However, as I think of getting myself to fall in love with someone new, I can't bring myself to do it and I will constantly compare my current situation with the ones I had with him. And that's why I am still triggered if I dream about him in my sleep.

[SPOILERS AHEAD]

I do have to clear things up that this feeling is not an expectant feeling towards him, holy shet, dear webtoon commenter, Kay is not expecting that Arka would one day return her feelings or come to love her again. That's unrealistic and that is what you would refer as feeling obsessed. According to the timeline, they are nearing 30 years old, so I would assume that Kay must have ever imagined Arka being in a relationship with someone else. Even I, who is still in its early mint age towards 20, do sometimes wonder if he has already met his significant other. 

I personally feel that Kay is just hesitant to meet someone whom she has had clash with (hey, I am not implying anything here, I am not spoiling anything!), because it is obviously weird and is going to be awkward. Moreover, that guy used to say that he liked you, BUT you have never actually indicated how you feel towards him––just what do you expect her to do? It's heart-wrenching, it's tightening, it's scary, it's just sad. You can even feel the same hesitation in Arka's point of view. Let me spell the reason out to you, if you still don't get it. THEY USED TO BE SPECIAL TO EACH OTHER. Period. If you still cannot relate with it, then I'd say keep yapping because nothing would change even you shouted about it from the top of the cliff.

For something that used to be so wonderful and colourful in your life, something that you had expected to last for a long long time, to be estranged one day just HURTS so badly. And the fact that they haven't come to terms about it, that is just driving-a-screwdriver-to-your-heart. 

"does he still hate me?"

"what would happen if we meet again?"

These are probably some of the common questions asked by people who can't move on.

But there is also an implicit uneasiness lacing these questions. And it is mainly derived from the worry that,

"are we never going back to how we used to be like?"

Because losing someone so important in your life, or having to let go of them due to shit, is so much to take.

I have to add a disclaimer that this assessment might not be an accurate assessment of Kay's actual feelings. I try my best to be as unbiased and objective as possible as I am typing this entry down (not sure if I manage to do that :D)