#if you need me I shall be in Australia

[captainfantasticalright]

Sir Terry Pratchett and the banana daiquiris.

The origin story: (x)

Let me tell you about banana daiquiris. Years and years ago, there was a world science fiction convention in New Orleans. It had been a really hard day. I'd driven all the way from Pensacola and was quite tired. The hotel had done the usual: "Sorry, sir, we have no record of your reservation at this time." When I showed them the fax confirming my reservation, they denied the existence of the fax. Finally, after being ever so unpleasantly English about it, I got a very, very nice room on the top floor. An American friend said, "I know. I shall take you out to the All-Night Frozen Daiquiri Shop on Bourbon Street!" By that time, I wouldn't have known if we were heading to the All-Night Bourbon Shop on Daiquiri Street. I didn't know that there was alcohol in a daiquiri. I thought it was a pleasant fruit drink. So I had the liter size. I thought, "It's been a long day, and I need a refreshing pick me up." I will say this for the Americans: In England, if you'd ordered a drink that was twice the normal size, they'd water it down. But in New Orleans, a liter daiquiri has twice as much alcohol as a half liter daiquiri. It was so delicious that I had another one. Then I thought I'd try a liter of the peach daiquiri, and I had about half of that one. In the 1950s comic books, sometimes a character would have a nuclear reactor fall on him. Then he'd become "Mr. Atomic". I drank so much banana daiquiri that night that I think every cell in my body was full of banana daiquiri. I became Dr. Daiquiri. I think that's the only way I survived. I couldn't feel my upper lip for quite awhile after that, though. The point is, if you make a real daiquiri, according to a real recipe, you don't feel well again until tea time the next day. If you make it with real cream and the two types of rum and all that, it is seriously bad for your head. The Bourbon Street daiquiris were a lot of fun. But when I'm in Australia I drink beer, because if you are in Australia and you don't drink beer you are prosecuted.- Terry Pratchett

[silentglassbreak]

delulu fan fantasy, not even my delulu.. just looking over bad omens photos and home country thoughts lol

Any name, any description lol but the boys never guy koala shots when they were in Australia last time.. soo so a scenario where they return an it involves some sort of trip to an animal rescue of some kind? OR some thing... and Noah having to lean down so the handler can help him DE-CLING the koala from his arms and shoulder, their claws can get you, the guys all joking about his new girlfriend maybe... but he'd rather the handler... -- up to you if you go on to make it smutty after the cute meet, maybe invite for drinks.. OR just an intense flirt... but...

Yep... koala flirting delulu lol, sorry, for, the ramble.

Fully understand if this is a no can do, I know specific place requests can be difficult, but I thought there was no harm in asking, thank you for reading just the same.

The amount of research I just did on Koalas is wild 🤣 I’m hoping this does your ask some justice!

After Writing Notes: This was cute, and fun to write. It's shorter than some of my others, and truly just fluffy, early stages, flirtations. I enjoyed this! I hope you do too!

Rating: Mature (language)

Warnings: Nuffin but good ol' fashioned fluff.

Please Please Please

“Now, let’s see if the little man likes you or not, shall we?”

Mira, our veteran Koala, who was used to our regular visitation schedule was lazily clung to my shirt, as she was most days. Her jaws crunched on a Eucalyptus leaf, not minding all of the sweet attention she was getting. The bright-eyed boy standing in front of me beamed at her, but I could tell he was nervous.

“Alright, now we’re going to just gently place her on your chest, and if she likes you, she’ll cling!” I carefully handed Mira over to the boy, no older than twelve, who shakily held her up. Mira’s claws grabbed onto his shirt, and she tucked her head into his neck lovingly.

She truly was a great performer.

“Oh my God, she’s holding me!” He exclaimed, excited, but still hushed as not to startle her.

“Look at that, mate! She’s very loving, isn’t she?” I held up another leaf in front of her, one of her small hands latching on and holding it up to her mouth.

The mother of the young boy looked absolutely horrified. “How long does he hold her for?”

“Ah, just a minute or two. I’ve got a few other folks waiting to get to say hello.” I stuffed my hands in my pants pockets, smiling while watching Mira tickle the young man’s neck with her ear hairs.

“Are all Koalas this friendly?” He asked as his hand gently stroked the plush hair on her back.

“Actually, no. Koalas can be quite territorial, especially around their young. They bite and scratch just like any other beast you’d come across.” I could see his mom beginning to sweat. “Mira here is very accustomed to human beings. She’s one of our rehabilitated patients who was not eligible for release.”

“Why not?” The worrisome woman eyed me.

“Poor thing got caught in the wildfires a few years ago, and she’s almost completely blind now due to the smoke. She’d never survive in the wild.” I placed a hand on her head, smiling sweetly at her. “So, instead, she’s our designated education Koala!”

The boy smiled, and moved toward me to begin removing her from his chest. “I think she’s amazing.”

“That, she is.” I graciously took my girl, and turned to place her back on her tree. I could tell she was in need of a bit of a break.

Noticing more patrons had not arrived quite yet for their experiences, I closed the door behind my guests of the enclosure, and set up a ‘Be Back in 30’ sign.

Once in the break room, I sat at the table, running fingers through my hair that was tangled where it ended on the back of my neck. Kylie, who had been working the python exhibit all morning, came bounding in, sitting next to me heavily.

“Eh, Charlie. You alright?”

I was chewing the end of a peanut butter sandwich and zoning out, trying not to let my mind wander too far.

“Good here. You?”

She smiled empathetically. “That’s not convincing, babe. Still thinking about him?”

Shrugging hard, I set my sandwich back down and put my face in my palms. “Why would he ghost me?” I sighed, feeling defeated. “I really thought we were getting on, ya know?”

Placing a hand on my back, she smiled sweetly at me. “I’m sure you were! Some guys are just fucking useless! He probably did you a favor, really.”

I laid my chin down on my hands on the table. “Maybe. It still blows. I feel like dating is just pointless these days.”

Kylie laughed at that. “Nah, not true.” Sitting back in her chair, she reached to interlock her hands behind her head. “Remember that Roy guy I went out with a few weeks back?” I just nodded. “Best lay I’ve had, hands down.”

My eyes blew out wide before my stomach began rolling with laughter. She joined me, clapping a hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t give up on dating, babe. There’s a guy out there for you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, not likely.”

-

The day was passing so slow, it almost made my eyes roll back. By the time my watch told me it was close to the end, only half hour till, I was exhausted. So was Mira. My eyes scanned the passers by, wondering how many I’d be able to fit in before the end of the day, as I saw a group of guys reading the information plaque on the glass just outside.

One of the guys, a lanky boy with tattoos shadowing the length of his arms, was the only one of them looking into the exhibit, instead of at the description. If I hadn’t known better, I’d say he was looking at me.

That couldn’t be right, though. I was holding Mira, so he was probably looking at her.

“Excuse me?” One of them had broken off from the pack and stepped inside the door. “It says on there to come in to see the Koalas?”

He was a shorter gentleman with long, black hair tied back in a bun on the back of his head. I noticed his accent, and internally groaned. Americans.

“Yeah!” I smiled at him brightly. “Come on in!”

He motioned for his friends, the other three trailing behind. The last one to come in was the tall guy with hair only slightly shorter than mine. His eyes wandered around the trees and the pond behind me.

“Oh my gosh!” The shortest one was grinning ear to ear, staring directly at Mira. “They’re so cute!”

I looked down at the gray baby on my chest, and pet her lovingly. “They are. They’re my favorite creatures here at the preserve.”

“Do they bite?” A taller man, who had a slightly different accent that I couldn’t place, asked.

“They sure can.” I nodded, and waved a hand. “But Mira here never has. She’s an absolute gem.”

Looking between them all, I noticed they were all wearing various band t-shirts, with the exception of our large friend, who only wore a black beater. He stood the most reserved, hands in his pockets.

“Anyone want to hold her?”

“Serious?!” The shortest bloke perked up first, stepping toward me cautiously. “Can I, please?”

I chuckled. “Of course! I’ll hand her to you,” I began peeling Mira from me. “and if she latches, she likes you!”

Almost vibrating with excitement, the man took her gently, and Mira wrapped her short arms around his neck, seeming to take to him exceptionally.

“Excellent!” I clapped. “You’re a natural!”

He smiled brightly at his friends. “Check it out, guys!” They all took turns looking at Mira up close, a couple reaching out to touch her head.

“You want a photo?” I asked and the tallest one nodded, slipping a cell out of his pocket and handing it to me.

The four boys posed, all smiling and wrapping arms around each other.

“Alright, one…two…three.” I snapped a picture, but noticed a couple of them blinking. I pursed my lips. “Let me get a few, alright?”

They nodded and held their spots. As I was preparing to snap another, I saw a look of panic flash over the boy holding Mira.

“She’s letting go! I don’t want to drop her!”

“Oh!” Instinctively, I slipped the mobile into my vest pocket and reached out to grab Mira.

For whatever reason, she had become startled, and wanted out of the grip. It had been a long day, and she was likely over all of the attention. When I pulled her from the guy’s arms, her nails scratched across the side of his neck.

“Ouch!” He exclaimed, holding a hand up. All of his friends were looking at him.

“I’m so sorry about that, mate! It’s been quite the day for our girl here.” He moved his hand and was bleeding ever so slightly.

Seemingly rebounded, he shook his head and grinned at me. “No, I totally get it. I appreciate her letting me hold her at all.”

I set Mira on her tree, plucking her a leaf and handing it to her before turning back to the bunch. “There’s a med room on your way out the exit. They can give you a swab to clean that with.” I smiled apologetically at them.

“Thanks again…Charlie?” The boy checked my name tag. I nodded. He stuck his hand out for me to shake. “I’m Nick.”

I nodded. “Pleasure to meet you guys.”

They filed out one by one, giving small waves. The tall boy’s eyes carried mine just a little longer than the rest, and it gave me a warm feeling in my stomach.

What a cutie.

-

“So how’d the rest of the day go, Char?”

Unpinning my tag and putting it in my locker, I nodded before sitting down to slip my runners off.

“Not terrible. Mira scratched someone, though.”

She frowned. “Oh no. Are they alright?”

Sighing, I began unbuttoning my vest. “Yeah, he was just happy to get to see her. Group of American guys.”

When I shrugged off my best, I noticed it felt heavy, which was odd. Slipping my fingers in the pockets, I felt the flat, cool screen, and let my head fall back.

“Fuck.”

“What’s that?” Kylie had turned her head to look at me.

“I snatched one of their phones on accident. Shit.”

She giggled. “Well, damn. Did you catch his name?”

I shook my head. “No. Just his friend who got hurt, and not even a last name.”

“Mm, better put it in lost and found then.”

I stood, reaching to set down the phone. Before I could, it began vibrating in my hand, and I turned it over. The face of the boy I had interacted with earlier popped on the screen with the name ‘Folio’ on it.

I bit my lip, and Kylie noticed. “Going to answer it?”

“Should I?”

She just gestured toward me in a ‘duh’ fashion.

I swiped open the call, and put it up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“So, you have my phone.” A smooth, baritone voice came through the speaker.

I smiled, sitting on the bench behind me. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about it.”

There was a soft chuckle on the other end. “No problem. Can I come get it?”

I looked up at Kylie, who was watching me expectedly. “Well, the preserve is closed for the night. I can leave it at the lost and found and you can grab it in the morning?”

“Hmm,” I heard him thinking. “I kind of can’t wait that long to get it back. Plus, I fly out in the morning.”

“Ah,” I sighed. “well, are you staying nearby? I can probably drop it off on my way home.”

“Well, the guys and I are going to Faldry’s for dinner. Could you meet me there?”

“Sure, that’s on my way.”

I heard a sigh of relief. “I really appreciate it, uh,” There was a beat of silence. “what was your name, again?”

I smiled. “Charlie.”

“That’s right.” I swore I could hear a smile in his voice. “I’m Noah.”

“Alright Noah, I can be there in half?”

“Sure, I’ll be there.”

-

The drive to the restaurant was quick, and for some reason, I felt nervous? I guess that made sense, given it was embarrassing that I managed to take this random stranger’s phone without even trying. I had a great gift for being an absolute moron. The parking lot was relatively full, so I pulled into a space toward the back. Unsure of how to let him know how I was here, I walked into the building, taking a breath and glancing around the room for the person I was trying to find.

The host approached the stand, flashing his teeth at me. "Evening. Do you have a reservation?"

Gripping the strap of my bag, I let my face fall. "Uh, no," My head whipped around more, still no luck in finding the party. "I'm here to see someone?"

He nodded tapping his computer screen. "Name?"

I closed my eyes, realizing I didn't know his surname. "Noah..." My stare pleaded with him. "He's uh, tall? Dark hair? Tattooed?"

He stared at me, clearly not following.

"He's American? With a group?"

This seemed to spark his memory, a flash of recognition crossing his features.

"Ah, I know who you mean. They're toward the back, table sixteen."

Smiling apologetically, I moved around the booth toward the other side of the dining room. Once I rounded the corner around the bar, I could see the table, more people than I recognized sitting around it.

Noah was sat, ball cap on his head, laughing at something with everyone else at the table. My chest stuttered for a moment. Now, instead of a casual tank top, he wore a plain white t-shirt. His hair peaked out from under his hat. Most noticeable was his smile, so bright and stunning. I hadn't had the chance to catch that earlier...

I gripped the phone in my hand, and swallowed before making my way over to the table. The boy I had spoken with earlier in the day - Nick - noticed me first.

"Hey!" All eyes lifted to me, and I felt more nervous than I had previously.

I gave a small wave, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. "Hello, everyone."

Noah stood, walking around the table. I handed him the phone, and he smirked at me. "Thank you so much for bringing this. I can't tell you how screwed I would've been if you hadn't."

I nodded, feeling so small stood next to him. "Of course. It was my fault, anyway."

His hand dismissed me. "It happens."

A strange, awkward silence fell over us, so I turned to the rest of the group, giving a timid grin. "Well, I'll be off, then."

"Wait," I felt fingers grab my forearm, gently pulling my attention. I looked up at Noah again, his face soft. "can I maybe," He glanced back at his friends for...something? Approval, maybe? "buy you a drink or something?"

I was caught off guard, and my face must've shown it, because his hand fell from my arm.

"Oh, uh," My eyes bounced off of the other faces at the table, who were still mostly looking right at me. "I shouldn't. I don't want to intrude."

He shook his head. "You're not! I want to do something to thank you for this." He held his phone up for reference.

I smiled, finding it exceptionally difficult to turn him down. "I mean, I suppose I could go for a cold one."

Something pulled the corners of his lips up at me.

"Great!" He turned back to his mates. "I'll be back?"

They all nodded, Nick giving him a brotherly slap on the arm. He lead me over to the bar, and pulled a stool out for me before taking the one to my right.

The bartender took our order, both of us settling on some ale before he turned his face to look at me.

"So," The drinks were placed in front of us, and I took a pull from my pint. "you like animals, huh?"

This made me laugh. What a generic conversation starter. He didn't have a lot to go on, and it was funny.

"I do. Always have."

He took a drink, and set his glass down hard on the bar. "That's really cool."

He was trying, but that topic could only get us so far.

"Do you?" I decided to venture.

"As much as the next person, I guess? I have a dog at home."

I smiled, wiping my upper lip on the napkin under my glass. "Back in the States?"

He nodded. "In California."

"Ah, what's that like?"

"You've never been over there?"

I shook my head, swallowing my beer. "Never been across the pond. Only time I left Straya was when my family would go to New Zealand on vacation. It's been a long time, though."

"New Zealand? Wow, that sounds amazing."

"It really is. It's beautiful there. And safe."

He took a big gulp of his beer, and began folding his own napkin over itself. "Well, California isn't." He said with a laugh.

I quirked an eyebrow. "I've heard." I turned my body to look at him better, studying the tattoos on his skin. "So what brings you here?"

He smiled to himself then, chewing on his thumbnail. "We had a concert."

"A concert? You flew all this way to see a band?"

He finished his drink, and signaled to the barkeep for another. "We are the band."

This made me pause. That made sense, now didn't it?

"Oh. Very nice!" The bartender brought us two fresh drinks. "What kind of music?"

"Rock music. Metal-ish?"

"What do you call yourselves?"

He smirked, staring at me from his peripherals. "Bad Omens."

"Hmm," I took a drink of my fresh beer. "that's interesting."

He snickered. "Interesting? How do you mean?"

"Sounds kind of dark."

"That's the point, honestly."

I traced the rim of the glass with my index finger, looking at him as he spoke. His lips were so pretty. And his eyes were so dark that they were almost enticing.

"I see." I finally looked away from him, down at the bubbles in my drink. "So, how do you like it here?"

He leaned forward, pressing his elbows onto the bar. "It's not my first time. It's been a while, though. I like it."

"But...?" I could tell he wasn't sold.

His cheeks tinted. "It's really hot. And the spiders are fucking crazy."

This caused a deep belly laugh to pull out of me. "That's too funny."

"Why is that funny?" He cackled with me, and I wiped a tear from my eyes.

"Ah, I don't know. A big tough guy like you being afraid of spiders? It's just funny."

He looked at me curiously. "Hey, I'm not afraid of them. I just prefer not to find giant ones in my hotel bathroom."

This only made me laugh harder, and his elbow bumped my arm playfully.

"You've got a good laugh."

This brought me back to Earth for a second, now feeling self-conscious. I contained my giggles and looked back at him.

"What?"

His smirk was silly when he brought his glass to his lips. "I like your laugh."

I shook my head. "Thank you?"

He giggled into his cup. "You're welcome."

We sat this way for a while. He continued to drink beer, but I ordered a soda after my second drink. Continuing to laugh about various different subjects, and telling stories, we then noticed the restaurant beginning to thin.

"Well then, we've been here a while, haven't we?" I mentioned as I glanced around.

"Yeah, I guess so." His eyes were sparkling when they looked at me, which made something in my stomach flip. "I've had a good time talking to you."

Returning the sentiment, I leaned against his arm. "Me too."

His mouth pouted for a second. "I'm pretty bummed I'm leaving tomorrow, or I'd offer to take you on an actual date."

This made me nearly choke on the Cola I was sucking through my straw.

"Oh yeah?" Was all I could manage.

"Well, sure. Why not?"

I raised a brow at him. "Rockstar like yourself? You've got to have a lady at home waiting, don't you?"

He huffed out a sigh, staring down at his hands. "Nah, not lately."

Chewing on my lip, I shrugged. "Then I guess," I leaned in so he could hear me clearly. "it is a shame you have to leave tomorrow."

I could feel his breath on my face, and his brow furrowed, studying me.

"I'll just have to come back soon, huh?"

Smiling, I let my stare fall on his lips. "I guess you will."

His face came closer to mine, the proximity making the air thick. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and his nose brushed against mine. Letting my eyes fall closed, I waited for him to close the gap.

"Can I walk you to your car?"

My eyes snapped open, noticing he hadn't moved, but also hadn't moved.

A shred of disappointment filled me, but I pulled back, gathering my thoughts.

"Uh," I shouldered my purse, a bewildered look on my face. "sure."

I slipped off of the barstool, and walked past him, noticing his palm finding the small of my back to guide me toward the door.

Once outside, the crisp summer evening bit at my skin. I pulled the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my hands as we walked to my car, far in the back of the, now mostly empty, parking lot.

I turned around once I had reached the driver's door, intending to bid him a good night and a safe flight home, but - for the second time - was caught off guard.

His chest pressed against mine, pinning me against the side of my car, and his lips crashed into mine. He was gentle, but still forceful enough to make my knees goes weak.

His hands held the roof of my car on either side of my head, and my eyes rolled back as I molded into him, my hands reaching up to grasp the sides of his neck. He breathed into me, sparking something hot in my chest, and made me press my body closer against his.

One of his arms circled around my waist, lifting me up on my tip-toes to reach his face easier. Our lips fought for leverage, tongues swiping over each other. My brain was buzzing with the intensity of it.

When he finally pulled away from me, bringing me back down on the ground, I was breathing heavily, and staring up at him hungrily. He smiled, a sheen of moisture on his swollen bottom lip.

"Thank you, Charlie, for a great evening."

My pupils were dilated wide, and my hands were gripping his shirt, still.

"Thank you for the drinks, Noah."

Letting him go, my hands falling loose at my sides, he took a step back, looking down at the ground where he kicked at the asphalt.

"Could I, maybe..." He was hesitating, which was funny, given he was so confident not a moment before. "Can we exchange numbers?"

My eyebrows shot up at the absurdity of it. He lived thousands of miles away.

"You're serious?"

He just looked at me, pleading. "I am."

I scoffed, holding a hand out. "Let me see your cell."

This brought a grin to his face, his hand slipping his phone out of his pocket. "You're going to give it back this time?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Maybe."

He unlocked the screen, and I opened a new contact. Quickly adding myself, I handed it back to him. He looked over the screen, and nodded, satisfied.

He huffed out a sigh, and then held his arms open. I pulled into them, the abnormally long limbs wrapping around me easily.

"Be safe getting home?"

He nodded when he pulled away. "Of course."

I could see his regard, trying to decide if he should. Deciding for him, I careened up as tall as I could, and placed one last soft kiss on his lips.

"Goodnight, Noah."

I opened my door, and sat down in the driver's seat.

"Goodnight, Charlie."

The entire drive home, all I could see in my mind's eye was deep brown eyes and tattoos. Long fingers and even longer arms. Short, straight black hair. An annoyingly adorable smile.

What were the odds? I finally meet a guy, and I will likely will never see him again...

I pulled into my drive, leaning my head against the steering wheel. I'm just so lucky.

My phone lit up in my console, and I grabbed it hastily. The unknown number flashed on my screen.

Noah: Hey beautiful. ;)

[nicolesainz]

Darling (JB 22)

Jenson Button x f!reader (Mark Webbers Daughter)

A/N: Ya’ll can blame the Brawn Doc (which btw was great, go check it out)

Summary: A little visit to your dad’s old friend after the Goodwill festival wouldn’t hurt,right?

Warnings: minors dni, +18, suggestive smut, edging, fingering, p! in v!, age gap (reader is 22)

“Hey Jense, would you mind keeping an eye on her? Missus and I will fly back to Australia but she’s staying here for a friend’s party”

My father would’ve never let me stay in a hotel. It had to be Jenson. Out of all his friends, all the people in the fucking UK, it had to be him.

And reminded that I’m 22. Not underage. And I can legally drink, thank you very much.

“Of course mate. I have a spare room she can use. I’ll barely be home this weekend.” It was the British Grand Prix and he is a presenter for Sky Sports, hence why he won’t be around.

To be fair, I only watch the post race show just to admire him. But my dad doesn’t need to know that, or Jenson himself. He doesn’t have to know how handsome he is or how smart he sounds given his knowledge in Formula One.

What’s more attractive than that?

And the fact that I have secret screenshots of his shots in my phone, but again, no one needs to know.

“Let me get her luggage full of god knows what type of dresses. I don’t even know when she bought them!”

"I hope you know how old I am, dad" I roll my eyes at his comment as Jenson lets out a small giggle, earning a death glare from my dad.

"Before she leaves the house, please make sure to see what she's wearing. And if there are any boys in sight." my dad warns him, as if I am going to enroll myself in the army and fight the enemy, which to him, would've been more preferable compared to a party.

"Got it. We definitely know that you think she's 17" Jenson replies and my mother laughs along, as I try not to burst out.

"If you side with Y/N, I will break your Porche." My dad's voice raise and I glance at Jenson who has a look plastered on his face as if he was offended and scared by the threat.

"I have kids myself, I think she's going to be safe with me. Come on Mark! I was the only driver you never crashed with, kinda." He takes the luggage away from my mother's hands and waves them goodbye as I go and hug them.

"Take care kiddo and if you need anything, im a call away. Also if you want to go to the paddock, the passes are under my name" he kisses my head after having me squeezed in a tight hug.

"Y-yes dad, I know. Now please let me go because I cant breathe."

"Sorry" he sets me free and I join Jenson's side. God he's tall and broad.

"Alright now, shall we?" he looks down at me and I nod, unable to utter a single word, even though I've know him my whole life.

The boys in my university were dying to hear stories with the senior formula one drivers, coming from a daughter of one. It's a nice feeling to narrate all the success and glory of this sport.

"Seriously though, your bag is very light. Are you even carrying anything in here?" Jenson asks, weighing up and down my luggage, flexing his muscles as I try not to drool all over the place.

"Only necessities. Dresses, shoes, makeup, few outfits for the race and condoms." the last one quite shocked him but also was a way of teasing him, given my major crush.

"You have condoms, yet I didn't hear you say panties"

"Won't be needing any"

"And why is that, may I ask?"

"Cause I like to be free. More access and more fun" I wink at him and I stare at his lips, a smirk is growing as each word is leaving mine.

"So you are telling me, that right now, underneath this short but nonetheless breathtaking dress, no panties are worn?"

I get closer to him and whisper softly in his ear:

"Wanna see for yourself?"

Honestly, don't ask me where I found this much confidence and especially with someone twice my age. And a friend of my dad's.

"Behave yourself darling" he coughs lightly to clear his throat and grabs me by the waist, so my dress doesn't float from the summer breeze.

"And what if I don't want you, Mr. Button?"

"Then you'll wish you had never said that" he growls and immediately opens me the door to his McLaren.

When he gets in the drivers seat, he wastes no time and gets on the road instantly. During the ride, there's a comfortable silence filling the atmosphere, until the air coming out of Jenson's window pulls up my dress and his hand quickly falls on my thigh, holding it down once more.

Jenson decides to roll up his window but his hand remains on my thigh and this time, is holding it firmly and starts caressing it from the inside.

Soft sighs leave my mouth, but controlling them is inevitable when his touch was all I have been craving since I turned 18. His foot hits the gas harder, speeding and driving in between the other slower cars. He reminds me of the Jenson back in his Brawn days and I can feel myself pooling just at the thought.

It was the very right time when his hand cupped my bare pussy, feeling the wetness caused by barely a thought of him. The slight touch of his fingers on my trembling self has my knees going paralyzed. I feel like crying from pleasure and yet I don't even know if he's doing that on purpose to embarrass me or if he's actually enjoying it too.

"Oh baby, you're definitely not behaving yourself" he says as his index finger draws circles around my clit. My legs are clenching his hand inside me as the other one holds the steering wheel, looking at his knuckles that have turned white.

"Jenson" I breathe out and moan simultaneously as he starts pumping two fingers inside me fiercely, letting myself to his mercy and unable to react.

"This behavior will have consequences young lady. I warned you" he lets a soft kiss on the crock of my neck and feeling his beard scratching it, I go absolutely insane.

"Then punish me sir" I blurt out without thinking and Jenson drives in seconds at the spot in front of his house, stops the car and places me on top of his lap with just one hand.

Jenson's lips crash into mine without wasting a second as his fingers play with my uncontrollably wet pussy. The feeling of moaning is surely necessary and I don't hold back. My tongue dances with his and the kiss gets deeper like his fingers, hitting perfectly my soft spot.

"You are going to be the death of me" Jenson says as his mouth falls on my neck, sucking it off like there's no tomorrow. My hands try to unbuckle his belt and eventually make it to the part where I can feel his erection growing. It's true what they say, older men do it better.

In other instances I would have been furious, but Jenson ripping my dress, just so he can have better access at my breasts is incredibly hot. I don't care that I am left vulnerable at his sight. At this I was pleading it.

My breast hurt from his kisses and I know in a few hours small red dickies will be covering the surface. My fingers decide to trace the shape of his thick cock but I can tell he wants to feel me. I have teased him and he me, for way too long.

"If you keep being naughty I won't let you cum, dear" a groan escapes his body as I take his length in my hands and caress the veins that have popped out.

"Then I want you to fill me up with your cum" I take him by surprise and I can sense his heartbeat raising from worry. He regards me as something innocent, precious and fragile. Which I am. But I feel ready and I am.

"Are you sure? I mean, have you? Uh? Had sex before?"

"I-uh-well, no. But-"

"Baby we can't do it here. You don't deserve to have your first time on a car. You deserve to be worshipped."

Jenson's words make me blush and my heart was flattering as if I was a fifteen years old again, simply watching him race and get multiple podiums.

He looks around and opens the door of his house and then quickly rushes with me inside and shuts it with such force, my legs started trembling.

Suddenly, he picks me up and carries me all the way to his bedroom. A dark room filled with some of his most iconic trophies and with his smell that has been covering my entire body since the moment I entered his car.

He turns on the soft baby lights on the bedrest and takes a look at my flushed self, covered with hickies he's gifted me. His eyes scan me from head to toe as if he's about to feast.

"I want you to tell me to stop whenever you feel uncomfortable in any way." He kisses me softly and I nod my head, knowing that he would never hurt anyone.

Jenson stands up and with his strong arms parts my legs so he can have a clear vision of my already swollen womanhood. My breast are half showing from inside my bra and my lips are bitten to the core. I am a mess but he seems to like it.

He removes his shirt in quick motions revealing his god like crafted body with the hints of dark ink covering his lower v and shoulder. I had never seen them before and I am was very pleased with what was in front of my eyes.

It doesn't take him too long to strip off his trousers and be left with simply his boxers that were trying to hold in his hardened cock and my patience as well. They were giving me a preview of what was about to happen.

As Jenson lowered his body his hands were hoisting down his boxers, revealing himself and it wasn't just my mouth that was drooling but also my pussy.

His hands now were on the insides of my thighs, holding them fiercely, whilst mine were hanging around his neck. I felt like my heart was about t burst out of my chest.

"Are you ready baby?"

I was at loss for words so I gave him a final kiss for reassurance that he could continue.

In slow motions, he lowered even more and started inserting himself inside me, pumping slowly as I was trying to get used to his size. My cries were out of control as Jenson was deepening himself and my pussy was stretched to its limits.

"Jesus, you're clenching me so well darling" he breathed out and I tried to open my legs wider for his pleasure. Jenson was panting on the hem of my neck and upping the pace of his thrusts.

"Dear lord this feels so good" It feels better than good. As if I am in the seventh heaven. I don't think any man will ever make me experience this. And I don't think I want to either.

"Say that again" he demands with a harder thrust, hitting my G-spot, earning the biggest moan of the night, echoing at the entire house.

"You make me feel so damn good Jenson" I gulp hard as I try to catch my breath and scratch his back from the pain that this gives me.

"And I shall be the only one darling" he hoists me up and removes my bra with a single movement, freeing my breasts and enjoying the sight, as they are bouncing up and down along with the trusts.

"Only you Jenson" I scream his name as loud as I can and his chest fills with pride as I am reaching my height.

"Cum sweetheart. Let go" I can't hold it in much longer and I cum all over his cock. He doesn't remove himself from inside me and I don't want to. This felt so right even though for some it's very wrong.

"That was, perfect" I say in a whispering manner as I am unable to speak louder. I am so wasted but full of thrill.

"You deserve it. You deserve to be treated like that dear"

[sunsetkerr]

BEFORE A GAME WITH Y/N L/N | s.kerr

summary: netball australia releases a video with you (and sam) before a game. [1k words]

pairing: netball!reader x sam kerr

notes: another netball!reader because I love her

[OPENING SHOT OF Y/N'S HOME IN ADELAIDE. A MAGPIE SITS IN A TREE, CALLING OUT]

6:28AM, Y/N L/N'S HOME

THE MORNING OF ADELAIDE THUNDERBIRDS VS. MELBOURNE VIXENS

[SHOT OF Y/N'S BEDROOM WINDOW, THE SUN IS BEGINNING TO RISE. Y/N’S VOICEOVER BEGINS]

Y/N L/N: So, it's around 6:30 in the morning right now. Today is game day, we're playing melbourne and I have to be at the stadium by- (Y/N LOOKS DOWN AT HER PHONE, BLINKING A FEW TIMES) -9:30 for strat.

INTERVIEWER: Are you tired?

(Y/N LAUGHS, EXHALING THROUGH HER NOSE)

Y/N L/N: So tired.

Y/N L/N: I like to let sam sleep when I have to be up early.

[CLIP OF Y/N BRUSHING SAM'S HAIR OUT OF HER FACE AS SHE SLEEPS. SHORT CLIPS OF Y/N PULLING HER KIT OUT OF THE CUPBOARD, QUIETLY AS TO NOT WAKE HER GIRLFRIEND UP]

Y/N L/N: She flew in from Brisbane last night. (Y/N PAUSES TO MAKE SURE SAM IS STILL SLEEPING) Got in around midnight. So she needs a good sleep. (SMILES AT SAM)

[Y/N'S KITCHEN; Y/N SITTING AT THE KITCHEN BENCH, STILL IN HER PYJAMAS]

Y/N L/N: Game days I eat a big-ish breakfast. Some times we do team breakfasts if it's an earlier match, but we start at 6 tonight- so I'm eating here.

[CLIPS OF Y/N MAKING BREAKFAST; CEREAL AND YOGURT, MIXED NUTS ON TOP]

Y/N L/N: My grandad, well my Pa, used to have this cereal and when I was in juniors, I would eat it before my games. So now that I'm old (LAUGHING) and live out of home, he misses the cereal with the nuts and drops it off every month.

[PICTURES OF Y/N AND HER PA, OLD AND NEW]

Y/N L/N: He doesn't really like netball, but he watches it for me.

[Y/N EATING HER BREAKFAST QUIETLY AT THE BENCH, TRYING NOT TO LAUGH WITH HER MOUTH FULL]

Y/N L/N: (SWALLOWS BEFORE SPEAKING) I feel very strange with you all watching me eat.

[B-ROLL FOOTAGE; Y/N SAT EATING, PANS TO CREW FILMING HER. LAUGHTER FROM BEHIND THE CAMERA]

(SAM WALKS INTO THE KITCHEN, PAUSES WHEN SHE SEES THE CREW. LAUGHTER EMITS FROM Y/N AND FROM THE CREW]

SAM KERR: Um.. (PAUSES) What the *BEEP* is going on?

(MORE LAUGHTER)

[CUTS TO Y/N SITTING WITH SAM ON THE BENCH, SAM LEANING HER HEAD ON Y/N'S SHOULDER]

Y/N L/N: This is my girlfriend, her name is Sam.

(SAM WAVES TIREDLY AT THE CAMERA)

Y/N L/N: She should be asleep right now.

SAM KERR: I would be, but there's ten random people in our home right now (LAUGHS)

7:33AM

[CUTS TO Y/N IN THE BATHROOM, SKINCARE PRODUCTS SET UP BEHIND HER]

Y/N L/N: Before I go to the stadium, I shower and shave. I always try to remember to shave my armpits (LAUGHS) on the morning of games, but sometimes.. I forget. I keep my hair up and try not to get it wet, because I'll wash it later tonight after the game.

[CLOSE UP OF PRODUCTS BEHIND Y/N]

Y/N L/N: I get out all my stuff to wash my face with and everything before my shower so I don't forget anything.. because.. I will.

SAM KERR: *OFFSCREEN* She will.

Y/N L/N: Let's keep the heckling to a minimum, shall we?

8:19AM

SAM KERR: Y/N takes forever in the shower, so I usually, if I'm here, will try to make sure she's got everything.

(SAM PULLS A THUNDERBIRDS DUFFLE OUT FROM THE CUPBOARD, PLACING IT ON THE BED)

SAM KERR: This is her game bag, she needs her training gear and shoes. Her dress is at the stadium ready for her, which is good- because it would be all wrinkled, like the rest of her stuff (LAUGHS).

(SAM FOLDS AND PUTS Y/N'S CLOTHES INTO HER BAG)

SAM KERR: Uhh, clothes, shoes, deodorant. What else? Body wash. This is her little bag that she brings to shower after, has all her special, fancy stuff in it. And I'll- (SAM PULLS A HOODIE FROM THE CUPBOARD) put this in here, because it'll be cold when she comes home.

[Y/N PEERS AROUND THE CORNER, HER TOWEL WRAPPED AROUND HER. SHE TRIES TO KEEP HER BODY OUT OF SHOT]

Y/N L/N: Can I come in now?

8:36AM

[Y/N'S CAR; SAM IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, Y/N IN THE PASSENGER]

SAM KERR: I feel like we're vloggers or something

Y/N L/N: No, I know (SMILES)

SAM KERR: Hey guys! Welcome back to our channel!

(Y/N LAUGHS WITH SAM)

Y/N L/N: So now I'm on my way to Netball SA to meet the girls, Sam's driving me because she's a good girlfriend.

SAM KERR: I didn't wanna be left alone.

Y/N L/N: That too. The stadium is in the city and my place is like forty-five-ish minutes away? Thirty-five with good traffic.

SAM KERR: Your phones going off bub

Y/N L/N: It's Georgie (CHUCKLES)

SAM KERR: (BANGING THE STEERING WHEEL PLAYFULLY WITH A SMILE) Georgie Horjus!

Y/N L/N: she wants to know if you're allowed to be driving with how much sleep you've had.

(SAM LAUGHS, ADJUSTING HER SUNGLASSES)

SAM KERR: Probably not, tell her to piss off.

9:17AM

[CLIP OF Y/N KISSING SAM GOODBYE THROUGH THE OPEN CAR WINDOW. SAM PULLS AWAY, BUT HOLDS Y/N'S HEAD CLOSE]

[SUBTITLES APPEAR AS SAM TALKS INAUDIBLY]

SAM KERR: *MUMBLED* I love you

[SAM QUICKLY KISSES Y/N ONCE MORE BEFORE TIGHTENING THE RIBBON IN Y/N'S PONYTAIL FOR HER]

[CLIP OF Y/N WALKING INTO THE STADIUM]

Y/N: So we're at the stadium, heading in to talk strategy with the girls for today's game. After that we'll do drills and warm ups, probably rewatch our last game again- boring stuff really (CHUCKLES). Oh, oh-

[CAMERA PANS TO TIPPAH DWAN, GOAL SHOOTER AND GOAL ATTACK FOR THE ADELAIDE THUNDERBIRDS. SHE SKIPS OVER TO Y/N, SUNGLASSES OVER HER EYES]

TIPPAH DWAN: Hey!

Y/N L/N: This is Tippah, my starting attacker.

TIPPAH DWAN: Dream-team here really (SHRUGS)

Y/N L/N: Thanks for spending my morning with me.

(TIPPAH PULLS Y/N IN FOR A TIGHT HUG AS Y/N LAUGHS, WAVING TO THE CAMERA)

TIPPAH DWAN: Now get outta here!

6:03PM

[CLIP OF Y/N TAKING TO COURT, TIGHTENING HER PONYTAIL UNDER THE GOAL RING. PANS OVER TO SAM KERR, WHO SITS WITH OTHER THUNDERBIRD PLAYERS PARTNERS. SHE IS CLAPPING, AND CHEERING FOR Y/N AS THE COUNTDOWN TO THE GAME BEGINS]

[THE SCREEN TURNS BLANK AS THE WHISTLE SOUNDS]

[sgiandubh]

What makes a very mature and educated woman confuse the charisma of Jamie and Claire and fall behind the illusion of Sam and Cait?

Look at this picture and many others, look at Cait's smile and the happiness in her eyes

Look at the color of Tony's lips, I don't need to continue

Below this picture are many pictures of them from many years ago

This man has been a reality since 2015, so let us accept reality even if we do not like it

Note: I would love to read everything you write aside from Outlander and S&C

Dear (b)Itchy Anon,

Ah, yes. You folks are definitely a very predictable bunch, because you simply cannot help yourself and just have to do it. Every. Single. Christmas. Eve. For reasons transparent enough to make you & your kin instantly unlikeable.

I was just thinking, the other day, believe it or not. I was thinking of the disingenuous way you - or someone like you - engaged with @cb4tb on another Christmas Eve and told myself: 'I bet the farm this year it's going to be me'. And here we are, with a rather long - and also, rather curious- comment. What am I going to do with you, Anon? Just write a rather long and ironic answer to your delirious rant, what else?

Calling me 'very mature' made me spit my Pepsi - always better in Romania than the eternal Coca-Cola - and I have to dubiously and cheaply congratulate myself, too. In about six months, you were forced to transition from 'Christ, shippers are stupid' to 'Golly, some -if not most - of them really are educated people'. An apparent paradox that never made you question your surroundings.

For instance, I do not need to wear a turban, sport a cigarette holder, rent a garish tent and call myself Miss Cleo, in order to tell with eerie precision English is not your mother tongue, either. You still do have a big problem with phrasal verbs, because you couldn't have possibly meant I 'fell behind the S&C illusion', but rather that 'I fell for that illusion'. You see, falling behind is 'failing to do something in time' or 'being late with a due payment' or 'being unable to make the same progress as one's peers'. We, shippers, naturally have this kind of superpowers. And seasoned bullshit-o-meters, too.

For your information, I haven't. I explained it at length. There is no possible way to do it if one uses common sense and street smarts only. What I did see, along with thousands of other people, mind you, had absolutely -forgive me, Father, for I am about to sin again - fucking nothing to do with Seamus and Sorcha. I mean, d'oh - is this your best argument, Anon? That sad, wilted talking point? Wow. Just wow.

Then, you totally lose control and take The Scarecrow out of the closet (yes, pun totally intended), in the hope you'll make me screech with dread & horror, I suppose. Exactly which one of the five to ten max Tait pics am I supposed to look at? The one at the marathon, where he checks her pulse? The one in Australia, when he pitifully dangles that stick on a beach? The one with the flute? The fist-in-hand one? The one at this year's IFTA, where she looks through him and he begs for a smile? I shall never know, because you do not add any picture and since I am not Miss Cleo, there's no way I could ever guess. Instead, you describe Neverland in Technicolor, lips included (so help me God, I never looked at McIdiot's lips: I take pride in being mentally sound). Indeed, there is no need to continue, Anon, lest you would insist to ridicule yourself.

This man has been a (questionably) useful prop since 2016, in order to give credence to a narrative. You all know it. You all deny it. You live in a parallel reality, currently embraced by PR. Amen. That does not give you the right to police this fandom and no, your derailed zeal will not get you any Brownie points from C.

Speaking only for myself, I will tell you one last time: I will never blindly accept a convenient compromise fiction just because TPTB and/or PR tell me so.

Note: I doubt my writing interests you. I really do, because I don't deal in fanfic. And even if I am an Oriental, know flattery never worked with me. In fact, I can't stand it.

It's Christmas. Take a break from all this pathetic hatred, Anon: if you have but a cell left of humanity in yourself, you can't possibly be proud of this message and there are far more interesting and meaningful ways to spend this special day. He came for you, too. And that is the most important thing in the world, right now.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Seeing all these asks about Geneyen giving bitches backshots/breaking backs then taking off with panties and debit/credit cards makes me want a fic about Geneyen giving backshots taking panties and stealing debit/credit cards lol

Ask and you shall receive.

Fool Me Once - Chapter One

Warnings: Theft, smut. Word count: ~1200

Author's note: No gods, no masters, no tag lists. Only scabs community label fics. If you find yourself tempted to slap a label on this, please block me instead.

Main series masterlist

Genyen awakens, sticky with sweat, an acrid taste in his mouth and a hangover lingering behind his eyes. He silently curses himself for not splurging the extra cash for a place with air conditioning, not that’d be sticking around long enough to appreciate it, but the humidity here is unbearable.

He fled to Thailand after clearing out the donations from the Buddhist centre, along with Jinba’s bank account. He has kept moving since arriving, never staying in one place for more than a week, it’s too risky to settle anywhere when he makes a living from robbing pretty, gullible tourists.

His grifting has taken him to Krabi, Pattaya City and Ko Pha Ngan. This week he finds himself in Pa Tong. No matter the city or district, the situation always plays out the same way; he dons his Buddhist monk robes, heads to the nearest beach and spins a pretty girl a line about how he’s left the monastery because he wants to experience a day in the life of a tourist. By nightfall he’s spilling himself into a condom inside of her, then rifling through her purse once she’s asleep.

He has no idea what possessed him to start tearing the ID pages from their passports. The first time it happened he’d found it as he’d rummaged through her handbag. He’d flipped to the back, curiosity leading him to want to look at her photo. Before he had time to think fully about what he was doing, he’d ripped it out, pocketing it along with her knickers and all the cash she had.

He has quite the collection now. He rolls over in the bed, draping a long, lean arm down the side to rifle through his duffel bag. Underwear of all colours, cuts and sizes is stuffed inside. He thumbs through the stack of ID pages; Sweden, Australia, South Africa, Canada.

Would be cool to have one for every country, he thinks to himself.

He pushes the passport pages and panties to the side, plucking out the wad of banknotes rolled up beside them and counts through it. Shit. Less than two thousand baht left. He’s only been in Pa Tong a few days, but partying all night, every night burns through money fast. He’s going to need to find another target today, or he’ll run out of cash.

After dragging himself out of bed, chasing painkillers with the dregs of the previous evening’s final beer, and showering, Genyen finds himself strolling the perimeter of Pa Tong beach. He is glad that his robes are relatively lightweight, the heat of the sun feels oppressive. He shields his eyes from the blinding rays, surveying the hordes of people soaking up the Thai heat.

That’s when he spots her. His eyes are immediately drawn to the curve of her arse, peeking out from a tiny pair of bikini bottoms as she lays face down. She’s immersed in a copy of The Secret. Oh, this is fucking perfect. 

He saunters over to her and she immediately looks up as his shadow is cast over her. He smiles as her eyes widen in surprise.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any cash on me if you’re looking for donations.” She smiles sweetly at him.

“Oh, I’m not here on behalf of Wat Suwan Khiri Wong. I’m actually trying to get away from that.”

“Really? And why is that?” She asks curiously, closing her book.

He settles cross legged on the sand in front of her. “I’ve dedicated my whole life to the monastery and practicing the teachings of Buddha. I’d like to know what life has to offer outside of that. I’m Genyen, by the way.”

“Genyen.” She repeats, eyeing him curiously. “Makes you sound important.”

He laughs softly. “It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice. You can call me Shawn, if you’d prefer.”

He spins her his entire lie and she falls for it. He tells her his mum passed away when he was ten, that his dad married a woman called Mary and when his dad then passed away just before Shawn was due to go to university, Mary had contested the will. She’d gotten everything, the house included. He went away to university, but had nowhere to go once he graduated, so he went travelling and ended up here, in Thailand. He was taken in by the Buddhist monks and renamed Genyen, which means ‘approaching virtue’.

She pays rapt attention, her face softening in sympathy for him, and by the evening they sit in a beach bar together, their knees brushing as she sips a strawberry daiquiri.

“So if you want to experience life outside of the monastery, why aren’t you drinking?” She says, playing with her staw.

“Better to take these things slowly, just talking to you today was a big enough step.” He lies. He knows better than to get buzzed. Drunkenness leads to sloppy mistakes.

He barely has to make an effort. Two more cocktails and her eyes are glazed as she leans in to kiss him. Her lips taste like rum and he kisses her back hungrily.

He follows eagerly when she leads him back to her hotel room. They make quick work of undressing each other. His eyes dart around the room, making a note of where she discards her bag.

It’s not long before she’s on all fours, his hands kneading the fleshy globes of her backside that he’d spent most of the afternoon admiring, as he snaps his hips against her. She clenches around him, warm and oh so tight. He can feel how soaked she is even while wearing a johnny and the sensation causes him to groan as he speeds up his movements.

She moans, arching her back, pushing against him and he slides a hand up the smooth skin of her back, grabbing a fistful of her hair, biting his lip at how this makes her squeeze him harder. She may be a dupable airhead who stupidly believes in the power of manifestation, but she is undoubtedly one of the best lays he’s ever had.

He isn’t sure if she comes, he doesn’t care. His grip on her hips is vicelike as gives one final thrust, shuddering as he pulsates and spends himself into the latex.

It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep. He lays there, waiting for the sound of her breathing to deepen and even out. Once she starts to snore softly, he creeps out of the bed. He dresses before looking through the handbag he’d seen her drop to the floor earlier. He pulls all of the banknotes from her purse, pocketing them. No cash on you? Bloody liar.

Her passport sits on the vanity table and he grabs it, flipping to the back page. He smiles as he looks at her photo, illuminated by the moonlight that streams through the window. She looks so dorky, it’s actually kind of cute. He almost feels bad for robbing her.

He tears the page out, wrapping it in her discarding bikini bottoms, then pockets those as well.

Slipping out of her room, he lets the door click softly closed behind him, walking out into the balmy night air of Pa Tong. He was going to miss her. Well, he’d miss her air conditioning, that’s for sure.

[concreteangel92]

Temporary Pinned Post

I’M AWAY TRAVELLING!!!

Budapest, Egypt, Greece, Romania, Thailand and Australia 🌍

You can still send in any requests for one shots/headcanons/moodboards etc if you like but please bare in mind that I have a few in my inbox already so I may not be able to get them done right away and need more time then usual and my posts in general will probably go down due to travelling. I shall be back in the UK by the end of September so anything I haven’t done, I will make it my priority to finish then so please be patient, I haven’t forgotten about any of them ☺️

This also stands for my story ‘Thou Shalt Not Kill’ haha I’ll try and update the next chapter when I can but I couldn’t say when it will be exactly (sorry I know it’s left on a cliffhanger at the moment! 🤣)

Thank you all for the continued support, it really means the world to me!! 🖤

And if you’re interested in my travels, I’ll be uploading here and there along the way and I’ll tag any photos/videos with ‘concreteangeltravels’ if you wanted to keep up to date!

My masterlist is normally pinned so I’ll link that here if anyone wanted to look through it.

See you all on the other side!! ✈️

[olderthannetfic]

Hope it's okay to ask here, I love your blog and how you give clear, concise answers to questions without assuming bad faith so hopefully it's ok to throw my own "warning tag" question in here, TIA for the answer! So, childhood friends-to-lovers is like one of my favourite romance tropes to write in fanfic. I've done a LOT of ships with that, but I've never actually written anything more uh...spicy, shall we say. Until after the ship were both adults. I was raised Extremely Fundie and wasn't very sex positive for a LONG time as a result but now that I'm older & out of that environment I've grown a lot. So because of religious upbringing I just avoided writing smut before both characters were 18 "to be safe". In a recent new fandom I'm in I have a character who I feel like very much WOULD have explored her sexuality before she turned 18. The partner in this context is her childhood friend so they grew up together and are probably at most like 3 years apart, if that. So my question is, would I tag that as Underage because, even tho they're close together in age (ie. both "minors" in that sense) they ARE Underage or is the Underage tag on AO3 solely for Adult/Minor ships? (not judging writers of Adult/Minor pairings either, I'll add. It's just not my scene and I don't want to give people the wrong impression in the tags, either way around, whenever I inevitably write & post their First Time fic, yk?) -🌸 (hope its okay to tag this so I can maybe find it later? I don't wanna ask this off anon in case I get blasted by That(tm) side of fandom at large who might see my username and then come into my DMs/inbox to scream "P*do!!" at me, but I DO wanna be able to see the answer when it comes up, esp if I am not on tumblr the day that it does haha)

--

Ah. You're still thinking about that tag in a more cultural sense, but that's not what it's for. If you dig through the FAQs and such, the explanation is in there somewhere, but to summarize, it refers to:

On page depictions of sexual activity including at least one character under 18.

(So if they just kiss or you just say she had sex but you don't show intercourse, oral, etc. on the actual page, it doesn't count.)

AO3's underage tag is actually to protect users who live in jurisdictions where <18 sexytimes are banned from art or banned unless there's ~artistic merit~ or whatever. Around the time AO3 was starting up was when Australia was having a big upheaval over such things, so it was on people's minds in the Anglosphere.

Whether the sex is problematique or age gap or whatever doesn't matter. The actual age of consent or laws around sex in the real world location these characters are in, if any, does not matter. Your 17-year-old UK characters fucking still need the warning or CNTW even though that's laughable in context. 18 tends to be the age most used in international law for... like... porn star ages and such, so 18 is what AO3 went with. Never mind that it's not necessarily the age of majority or that age of consent laws can depend on partner age, etc. etc.

Unlike noncon/graphic violence/character death, this warning isn't there primarily because readers find the topic squicky.

It's a legal ass-covering thing.

[coulsons-fullmetal-cellist]

Dieter, Dieter, Pumpkin Eater

Words: 1, 115

Summary: you and Dieter go pumpkin picking for the first time

Warnings: Dieter being adorable, saucy suggestions, lots of baby goats

Check out masterlist here

Today was a good day for pumpkin picking. You and Dieter were heading somewhere about an hour away that you found would be perfect for your first pumpkin picking.

Growing up in Australia, you never celebrated Halloween and only witnessed the fall traditions through the films you watched. Now living in America, you didn’t feel out of place putting up Halloween decorations and making all things pumpkin related. You hadn’t crossed pumpkin picking off your bucket list yet, feeling it might be awkward to venture out on your own.

Dieter was happy to get out of the city and spend time with you. He heard the word pumpkin farm and wore a plaid shirt and his overalls which you thought was adorable. Of course, he fell asleep on the drive there, wrapped up in his teddy bear coat. But you were used to it by now and you had a new Dead Meats podcast you wanted to listen to. He magically knew when to wake up as you slowed down to park outside the pumpkin patch, he must have sensed your excitement.

You were early enough that you seemed to be one of the few visitors there. After paying through admission, you purchased yourself a hot chocolate and you both wandered around the farm, Dieter stealing your marshmallow on the way.

“So, are you going to actually pick a pumpkin?”

“I’m not sure. There’s a pumpkin tent with lots of already picked pumpkins, so that could be fun.”

“What if we find a giant pumpkin?”

“Oh, I don’t know. It might be too big for my car unless I leave you behind. And I don’t want to leave you here overnight with the scarecrows and you might turn into a ghost…”

“No!” he wrapped himself around you, thankful you finished your hot chocolate “Don’t make them turn me into a ghost!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t. Even though you’d be a very cute ghost.”

“There’s such a thing as a cute ghost?”

You nodded, “Casper. And you’d be such a cute pudgy ghost!”

You started to tickle his tummy, but he playfully avoided you and led you towards the jumping castle he spotted. He gestured you inside as his joyful grin was an invitation to you to join him. Both of you bouncing around alone in the caste, the bouncing started off playful but then became more amorous. Before long, he was lying on top of you, passionately kissing you until the sensible part of your brain kicked in. He got a firm no, which he knew was serious, but he still pouted.

“Dieter, we can’t. We’re out in public and you make enough noise to attract attention.”

“Can I rent one of these for the weekend?”

“If you want to. But you have to clean it.”

“Done” he sealed the deal with a kiss and rolled off you, “I’m gonna need a minute.”

It was obvious he did, so you left the jumping castle, straightening yourself out. He grabbed your hand when he came out to join you, and you ambled off towards the pumpkin tent. Your eyes almost popped out at the number of pumpkins on display. So many sizes and colours left you with so many choices.

“You can get more than one you know” Dieter reassured you.

“You don’t mind? We’ll be eating nothing but pumpkin for a while.”

He shrugged, “If it tastes good, I’ll eat it.”

So, you settled on a few: a baby bear and a cotton candy because they had cute names, a mini Jack O’Lantern, a beautiful fairytale and a classic Cinderella.

“You shall go to the ball after all, Dieter!”

“Aw, I’ve always wanted to twirl around in a pretty dress!”

“The glass shoes wouldn’t be that comfortable though.”

“Hey, if I get to kiss the handsome prince, it’s worth it” and he kissed you, making you assume you were playing the role of the prince.

You almost skipped pulling along your little cart until Dieter stopped you, tugging at your sleeve. He was staring at the petting zoo, the bleating of baby goats behind their sign.

“Do you want to go?” he was nodding eagerly and trotted over to the gate.

He was handed a bag of feed and he knelt down with his hands out awkwardly. It was like the scene in Something There where the Beast was trying to feed the birds. One little goat waddled over and started eating from his hands. His smile was as big as the Beast’s was. Then all the other little goats came over for food and once Dieter’s hands were empty, they started to lick him all over with their cute little tongues. He tried to give each of them as much love as his two hands could handle. Eventually they started climbing onto his lap and wherever they could get a purchase.

“Look, look, they’re climbing me! They’re climbing me!”

The animal handler came over to see the joyous commotion, “Is he with you?”

“Yes, he’s mine” you mused.

Dieter’s giggles were infectious, “Let me be your mountain!” and he laid himself down so all the little goats could attack him with love. “Ah, I’m taking you all home with me!”

You had to intervene at this point so made your way into the goat pen, facing your boyfriend who was hugging the smallest goat.

“Dieter, we can’t take them all home. They’d make a mess, and then they’d all try to escape because we don’t have that great a gate.”

He knew all of this was true but still moped, “Can we come back next year?”

“Of course we can” he smiled at this, “Do you want a picture with them?”

After about a million pictures with every baby goat, and then more than one with his favourites who he named himself, you finally unloaded your pumpkins into your car. Dieter enveloped you in a hug, his teddy bear coat now perfumed with that baby goat smell.

“You had fun today?” you felt his nodding, “You smell like goat.”

“I smell like little furballs of love is what I smell like!”

You didn’t want to sour his mood by pointing out that his little furballs of love probably trotted around in their own droppings, so you left him to sleep away the trip back with a happy smile on his face.

A few days later and several homemade pumpkin purée making sessions later, you came home to find a note from Dieter waiting for you.

“Put this on and meet me outside” it read. You found your silk robe underneath the note, so you looked outside.

He had gone and rented a jumping castle.

Lovingly tagging @boliv-jenta @simpingcowboy @ellenmunn @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @brilliantopposite187 @chaithetics @myloveistoolittle @cevans-is-classic @glshmbl

[thereadingchallengechallenge]

🔎 YA Under the Radar 7 🔍

I have been working on this list in the series all year 😂 it just took me that long to read a decent amount of underrated YA - but I got there in the end and I'm pretty happy with the recs on this list 🥰

there are rainbow flags next to LGBT+ rep, wheelchair symbols next to disability rep and koalas next to Australia YA simply because there's a lot of that on this particular list

so take a gander and maybe consider picking up a title or two (or ten) in 2024 to support lesser-known authors and books 😊

Take Me With You When You Go by David Levithan & Jennifer Niven 🏳️‍🌈

Margo Zimmerman Gets the Girl by Brianna R Shrum & Sara Waxelbaum 🏳️‍🌈♿️

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli 🏳️‍🌈

To Break a Covenant by Alison Ames 🏳️‍🌈

It Looks Like Us by Alison Ames 🏳️‍🌈

Scout’s Honor by Lily Anderson 🏳️‍🌈

Grace Notes by Karen Comer 🐨

The Sky Blues by Robbie Couch 🏳️‍🌈

Blood Moon by Lucy Cuthew

After Dark With Roxie Clark by Brooke Lauren Davis

Blind Spot by Robyn Dennison 🐨

Melt With You by Jennifer Dugan 🏳️‍🌈

The Lake House by Sarah Beth Durst

Where You See Yourself by Claire Forrest ♿️

What We Harvest by Ann Fraistat

All Eyes On Us by Kit Frick 🏳️‍🌈

When We Were Magic by Sarah Gailey 🏳️‍🌈

The Lightness of Hands by Jeff Garvin ♿️

Then Everything Happens at Once by M-E Girard 🏳️‍🌈♿️

The Buried by Melissa Grey 🏳️‍🌈

Because of You by Pip Harry 🐨

The Lost Girls by Sonia Hartl 🏳️‍🌈

Howl by Shaun David Hutchinson

The Weight of Blood by Tiffany D Jackson

Jay’s Gay Agenda by Jason June 🏳️‍🌈

Out of the Blue by Jason June 🏳️‍🌈

Riley Weaver Needs a Date to the Gaybutante Ball by Jason June 🏳️‍🌈

Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko 🏳️‍🌈

The Honeys by Ryan La Sala 🏳️‍🌈

Luck of the Titanic by Stacey Lee

It Will End Like This by Kyra Leigh

Extasia by Claire Legrand

Ryan and Avery by David Levithan 🏳️‍🌈

Starlings by Amanda Linsmeier 🏳️‍🌈

The Drowned Woods by Emily Lloyd-Jones

A Scatter of Light by Malinda Lo 🏳️‍🌈

We Didn’t Think It Through by Gary Lonesborough 🐨

Sadie Starr’s Guide to Starting Over by Miranda Luby 🐨

None Shall Sleep series by Ellie Marney 🐨

The Girls Are Never Gone by Sarah Glenn Marsh ♿️

Our Last Echoes by Kate Alice Marshall

These Fleeting Shadows by Kate Alice Marshall 🏳️‍🌈

The Narrow by Kate Alice Marshall 🏳️‍🌈

Dark and Deepest Red by Anna-Marie McLemore

Mask of Shadows duology by Linsey Miller 🏳️‍🌈

Sugar by Carly Nugent ♿️🐨

All Our Hidden Gifts trilogy by Caroline O’Donoghue 🏳️‍🌈

The Life and (Medieval) Times of Kit Sweetly by Jamie Pacton

Lucky Girl by Jamie Pacton

The Vermilion Emporium by Jamie Pacton

Accidental by Alex Richards

Some Kind of Animal by Mar Romasco-Moore

Luminous by Mara Rutherford

The Poison Season by Mara Rutherford

The Midnight Lie duology by Marie Rutkoski 🏳️‍🌈

Can’t Take That Away by Steven Salvatore 🏳️‍🌈

When You Call My Name by Tucker Shaw 🏳️‍🌈

If You Still Recognise Me by Cynthia So 🏳️‍🌈

Our Year of Maybe by Rachel Lynn Solomon ♿️

Breathe and Count Back From Ten by Natalia Sylvester ♿️

Cold by Mariko Tamaki 🏳️‍🌈

Outrun the Wind by Elizabeth Tammi 🏳️‍🌈

The Weight of a Soul by Elizabeth Tammi

Wild and Crooked by Leah Thomas ♿️

Violet Ghosts by Leah Thomas 🏳️‍🌈

The Comedienne’s Guide to Pride by Hayli Thomson 🏳️‍🌈🐨

The Siren, the Song and the Spy by Maggie Tokuda-Hall

Sweet and Bitter Magic by Adrienne Tooley 🏳️‍🌈

Sofi and the Bone Song by Adrienne Tooley 🏳️‍🌈

Nothing Sung and Nothing Spoken by Nita Tyndall 🏳️‍🌈♿️

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White 🏳️‍🌈

This Is the Way the World Ends by Jen Wilde 🏳️‍🌈♿️🐨

Where You Left Us by Rhiannon Wilde 🏳️‍🌈🐨

Two Can Play That Game by Leanne Yong🐨

Katzenjammer by Francesca Zappia

[criolla-star]

Overwhelmed (Vinny x garmadon)

After another long day at work Vinny finally felt relief as he was at his apartment door he let out a tired sigh before opening the door.

“Good afternoon Vinnyofngtv news”,Garmadon said as he stared down at Vinny.

Vinny let out a little bit of a shriek surprised at the fact Garmadon was at the door waiting for him.

“O-oh god Garm, you scared me to death w-wow you don’t just wait at the door for someone” Vinny stuttered out.

“I wasn’t waiting at the door though”Garmadon replied. Vinny gave Garmadon a confused look.

“You weren’t?How’d you know I was here??”Vinny questioned

Garmadon starkly replies “I heard your keys”

Vinny stared at him for a moment then opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but then shut it thinking it was kinda his fault for fumbling with the keys so much.

Vinny let out a sigh of defeat and said”Well you’re right you weren’t at the door..”, hearing this made Garmadon smirk.

Vinny went further into his apartment the dropped his bag onto the floor before face planting into the couch.

Garmadon stares at him surprised as he’s never seen Vinny so tired before,”VinnyOfNgtvNews are you feeling alright?”The Oni asked.

“Mhm..yea I’m fine Garm, just tired I had a long day, and how many times do I need to tell you that you can just call me Vinny”The smaller sighed out tiredly. It wasn’t that he minded being called that he just thought I should be easier like would he being calling Garmadon “lord Garmadon”all the time honestly it would be annoying having to hear in.

“Very well, I’ll shall try my best to call you Vinny”Garmadon replied,

(also I changed the name)(edit)

(This is the first part next part is out tomorrow well at least for Australia)

(Byeee hope u enjoy)

[noodyl-blasstal]

I'll grab your balls if you grab mine (TAZNC day 3)

It's day 3 of @taznovembercelebration and today's card was "coworkers AU." Prepare to, once again, get your stupid on - it's gay chicken but also there's an aligator. You can read today's below or on Ao3, and read yesterday's here.

--

Kravitz starts the slow sideways shuffle towards the lake. "C'mon, Taako. I know that Artemis is probably here, but he might leave us alone today." Kravitz doesn’t really believe himself, but they have to go, they’ve been putting off the lake by hole number 8 for weeks and it’s a particularly lucrative spot.

"He won't." Taako says, resigned. "He never does. Smug bastard. He knows we're just doing our job and he doesn't give a shit. I’ve explained it to him, I’ve asked Garyl to as well. Nothing helps. He’s a bastard."

"I'm not sure he considers it that much, he's an alligator, he's not exactly au fait with the concept of people jobs." Kravitz has long vowed to stop trying to convince Taako that Artemis is just being an animal and not holding some specific grudge against them. The resolve always lasts until Taako started talking about it, at which point he forgets said vow until it’s far too late.

"What? You think he thinks we do this for fun? Just pop down to put a sight on nothing because you can see fuck all down there? Absolutely not. He knows this is work stuff, Krav. If he was angry about capitalism he could go chomp the bosses, nuh uh, this is about us taking his balls."

"You have to stop referring to our job as..."

"We're ball collectors, Krav, ball connoisseurs, ball grabbers, ball appreciators. Don't be embarrassed, I don't judge you, we’re good at it."

Kravitz wonders absently if putting on his mask early will make Taako stop. It won’t, he knows it won't, it wouldn't be the first time he'd tried it, but today could be his lucky day? Maybe if he shuffles faster into the lake it’ll stop him? But no, it's not safe to go down without Taako, they've got to set their watches and do all the health and safety stuff. Kravitz knows from experience that Taako can happily talk through it.

"It's absolutely fine to make a career of grabbing balls with your good friend Taako. Sometimes you even grab my balls."

"Taako!" Kravitz is going to expire, he was going to burst into dust and float away on the wind, and fucking Artemis would probably try and eat him anyway because he is a complete bastard, but Kravitz can't admit that to Taako because it'll only encourage him more. It wouldn’t be so bad if he could just hate Taako, go to Sloane’s after a hard day and complain about his awful coworker. No no, he had to find it charming.

"It's okay, you can admit it. You grab my balls and, honestly, I like it. Saves me a job." Taako's grinning his stupid big grin and there's pond weed tangling around Kravitz's fins, and he wishes more than anything that he was somewhere in Australia or something right now, clear water, a delightful reef, he could go murder the invasive starfish or something. Starfish assassin was a better job than ball grabber.

"Well, shall we get started then?" A valiant effort, he can keep them on track probably.

"Of course, I wouldn't want to keep you from all the balls you have to touch."

"Look, you're running out of material, if we dive now you can go out on a high."

"Fondle? I didn't say fondle yet."

"If you're fondling them then you're wasting time. There's a reason I always get the most."

"It's certainly not skill if you're rushing it." Taako wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "Want me to talk you through the finer points of the process sometime?"

"I don't need to seduce the golf balls and my bedroom technique is fantastic thanks. Now get in the lake, Taako."

There's a loud splashing noise as Taako falls into the shallows cackling. Great. It takes him an age to calm down when he gets like this. "Fantastic... bedroom technique... Bedroom technique!" Is all Kravitz can hear repeated between the mirthful snorts. Kravitz thinks it might just be easier to let Artemis have his way with him at this point. If he dies in the line of duty then Taako will have to be nice about him, well, in public at least, he can say what he wants in private. They might build a statue too! It’d be in the middle of the lake or something, that's about the level of sensitivity he'd expect from their employers, but his Mums would probably appreciate it.

"You'll..." Taako throws a bit of pond weed off his stupid handsome face. "...have to show me that technique sometime, stud."

Kravitz freezes, not just because of the cold biting at his knees. He wishes the dry suits were warmer. "Did you just offer to go fuck me?"

"I offered to let you fuck me, actually. You can't go showing off and not being willing to back it up." Taako looks wildly unruffled, as if he hasn't just propositioned a co-worker on a Tuesday morning. Not that the day should matter, but honestly, it's Friday behaviour if anything.

"I... You..." Kravitz stands there like a particular stupid penguin. Maybe if he doesn't move Taako won't be able to see him... In his brightly coloured BCD with an oxygen tank strapped to his back... Fuck.

"Come on then Kravitz, we haven't got all day." Taako says breezily, finally back on his feet and crab stepping past Kravitz with a smug smile.

Fine. Fine! If Taako wants to be like this then Kravitz can match his energy. No problem. He can be fun, he can be playful. "Certainly not. Apparently we have plans tonight." He pushes forward into the lake, smiles as Taako coughs a surprised laugh behind him but doesn't give him time to reply. "Turn round, I forgot to tug your weight pouches on land."

Taako shuffles in what’s probably meant to be an alluring semicircle, he seems to be looking at Kravitz more intently than usual.

“Is that everything done, ‘cause Breathing Water Really Ain’t Fun!” Taako asks as Kravitz double checks his kit.

“We’re good, unless you need to inspect me?”

“Apparently Taako gets to do that later.” Taako says, then quickly launches himself into the water, splashing Kravitz in the face. Taako scrambles for his mask. “Get in loser, it’s lovely and warm!”

It is not lovely and warm. It’s cold and miserable. Kravitz's face however, is toasty warm from the blush burning there. He's surely not going to fuck Taako just to try and out fluster him… is he? Kravitz would like to. It’s not that he hasn’t thought about fucking Taako before, but Taako won't go along with it… will he? He hasn’t expressed any interest before now.

They do the last checks for loose straps or hoses and, satisfied, head down into the murk. Kravitz wonders, not for the first time, if his past self thought he'd be diving crystal clear waters somewhere fabulous by this point in his life, not using his scuba qualification to retrieve golf balls from gross man made lakes.

It's important to be relatively methodical, so they set off on their usual route, a slow backwards and forwards sweep of the lake bed. They can only see 15 feet in any direction , so it's slow going. They save the drop off for the end - the inexplicably deep portion attracts balls like a magnet. Why have an easy retrieval when you could have a hard one?

The bottom is so goopy, Kravitz truly detests it. Taako jokingly stuck a fin in one time and Kravitz still isn't convinced all the gunk came off. He hates having to reach in and grab the balls nestled in it - sinking so slowly that they always get to them before they're submerged (one time the bosses made them dig into the muck with a horrible plastic sieve to check, nothing seemed to penetrate the choking layer.)

There's still no sign of trouble when they're mid way through the ascent and Kravitz is starting to hope Artemis had decided to leave them alone today, miracles can happen. Maybe he has finally remembered that he's supposed to be nocturnal? Sadly, instead, Artemis has remembered he's supposed to lurk in the shallows.

Kravitz feels Taako yanking him violently before he even sees Artemis. His jaws snap at the space Kravitz left behind. A chunk of bubbles escape Taako and Kravitz can almost hear the swearing. Kravitz forces himself to breathe instead of holding it, the last thing he needs is to explode his lungs. He just has to not die in the next 10 minutes and he's getting laid apparently? Maybe Taako forgot, but either way, living would be good.

They look frantically around, stuck at their last levelling stop until the watches tell them they can move on. Artemis swoops back on Taako's side this time, but Taako is ready, jabs him in the side of the head where you're supposed to. Kravitz hates that management thought that the "how to fight an alligator" leaflet was more appropriate than safely relocating him to protect staff. It's not like they asked for them all to be moved, the others were fine. Garyl let Taako scritch his belly! It was just that Artemis was 'uniquely shit'. Kravitz is fairly sure that's the exact phrase Taako put in the latest complaint (to no avail).

Artemis disappears briefly, they hang in the water, waiting on the watches. Any minute now, surely? Kravitz looks hard into the murky waters trying to anticipate Artemis' next move. The watch beeps just as he strikes again, heading for Taako’s ankle this time. Kravitz stamps down as hard as he can (water and fins making this ‘not particularly hard’), it’s enough to distract Artemis though. He turns to snap at Kravitz instead, but Taako’s grabbing Kravitz’s arm and pulling him upwards. They finally break the surface and run, inelegant and flappy, hands tangled, laughing while pondweed snares their ankles and they tug each other along. Taako’s stood flamingo-like in the shallows, one hand on Kravitz’s shoulder for balance, the other trying to remove his fins, when Artemis surfaces again. They’re so close, so close to getting out. Kravitz refuses to let Taako getting eaten get in the way of whatever is going on between them right now. Fuck it. He grabs Taako and slings him over his shoulder - grateful for the fire evacuation training they did, there’s no way he could carry him any other way right now. Okay, so maybe he forgot to factor in the extra weight they’re both wearing and how fucking awkward the tanks make this, but it’s fine, he doesn’t have to go far. He keeps his knees high, makes sure he gets enough clearance on his fins and runs as fast (very slowly) as possible.

Taako whoops in delight and Kravitz is nearly 100% certain he’s giving Artemis the finger behind his back. “Fuck you, Fartemis! Taako lives to ride another day!” There’s a pause, Kravitz swears he hears a muttered… “Or maybe tonight.”

Kravitz deposits Taako much less elegantly than he hoped, but far enough away from the lake that he’s fairly sure they’re safe. “You saved my life!”

“I saved your ankle, at best.”

“You saved Taako’s favourite ankle!”

“You have a favourite ankle?” Kravitz asks, incredulous. Of course Taako has a favourite ankle, he probably has a favourite ear too. Why wouldn’t he?

“It’s weirder not to, ask anyone.” Taako skrunkles up his nose in distaste.

“I’ll do that.” Kravitz says, already deciding Sloane will probably agree. Maybe Kraivtz is wrong?

As the adrenaline fades Kravitz has a creeping awareness that he’s still holding Taako’s hand. It’s awkward, suddenly. He can’t tell if he should let go or cling on. No idea if Taako has been joking this whole time and he’s missing it. He doesn’t want to end up in a HR meeting. They’re dripping onto the golf course, bags of balls secured at their waists, pond weed stuck to their legs, Kravitz has no idea what to say, no idea what to do. He should probably apologise for unceremoniously grabbing Taako, but honestly, Taako seemed to enjoy it.

“So your place or mine tonight, handsome?” Taako pulls off his mask and snorkel properly to allow him to wink at Kravitz. There’s a dribble of muddy water running down his cheek. For a brief second Kravitz debates licking it off.

Kravitz takes a moment to consider Taako’s question. He’s seen the state of Taako’s locker, he’s not sure he can take that on a grander scale. “Mine.” He says definitively. He changed the sheets yesterday and they can stop and get supplies on the way, he’s not exactly set up for this. Maybe he needs to declare that actually. “I… er… I, I don’t really do this, Taako.”

“Do what, exactly, Kraveroo?”

“You know.” Kravitz flaps his hand. Surely Taako has caught his very obvious drift.

Taako looks at him blankly. “Interpretive dance?”

“One night stands!” Kravitz says, louder than he means to. Glances furtively around to ensure none of the customers are zipping by on their golf trollies just waiting to put in a complaint about lewd language being used on the course.

“Well Taako wasn’t planning on this being a one time thing, he’s heard there’s a ‘fantastic bedroom technique’ on offer and he plans to test it out thoroughly.”

Kravitz smiles, he can flirt with Taako, he can take Taako home, he can impress him. “We’ll figure out a rubric while we shower - we can do some extensive testing. I look forward to your feedback.”

--

I hope you enjoyed! Find the next day here.

[thestalwartheart]

bonds.

This was based off a prompt given to me by @eragonsaphira forever ago. All you really need to know is that in Australia and New Zealand, we have an underwear brand called Bonds. You can see where this is going. Rated E. Read here or on AO3.

Bond’s thumb trails over Q’s lower back. Not satisfied with interrupting Q’s routine at work, he seems intent on bringing chaos to Q’s domestic routine as well. That single touch has all the intent of distracting Q from getting his early-morning load of washing done.

“Is there a reason,” Bond purrs, voice still husky from sleep, “that you’re parading around with my name on your pants?”

“What? Your name isn’t—“ Q puts down his laundry basket and looks down at the waistband of his briefs. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh. Recent purchase?”

“No. I got them years ago when I was in Australia with—” Q stops, remembering he really shouldn’t be letting slip about any past beaus high-up in Britain’s intelligence community. Also, he has no urge to encounter Bond’s distinctively green-eyed side, though he suspects that particular boat has already sailed. “Never mind. I was in Sydney.”

“With who?” Something else seems to dawn on Bond, and he narrows his eyes. “I thought you were afraid of flying.”

“Ah, yes. Well, I wasn’t at the time, and the airline lost my luggage, so I bought some clothes. I happened to quite like these, so I kept them.”

“Who were you with, Q?”

“No one important. Though I suppose you aren’t in the mood to leave a man some secrets.”

Bond hums, pressing his mouth to Q’s ear. “You seem to have quite a few of them.”

There’s no real reproach to it. Bond’s hands are still playing at the waistband of his pants with intent. All the same, Q readies himself to part with a few facts about about his past. As casual as this little arrangement is, Q isn’t about to give Bond a reason not to trust him.

“I was there with an ex-boyfriend. And I’m not afraid of flying. I never went to Macau because I’m not a bloody errand boy. M didn’t take kindly to being reminded.”

“Moneypenny is hardly an errand girl.”

“True. I imagine she had other reasons for turning up in your hotel room,” remarks Q loftily. “I had someone from Q Branch ready to go when she intervened.”

Bond smiles, amused. “Jealous, were you?”

“Sorry to tell you, but I was seeing someone at the time.” Q hopes that comes across as casual enough for Bond to move past it swiftly, but his hopes are shot through when Bond's gaze sharpens.

“More ex-boyfriends.”

“Wonders never cease. And on the subject of exes, you’re not allowed to give me any flack at all.”

Bond ignores that in favour of rubbing the cotton of the briefs between his fingers. As he does, his thumb works over and over a sensitive spot on Q’s hip. Q has no doubt he’s doing it on purpose. Bond knows enough about Q’s body these days to play it like a violin.

“They’re cheap,” Bond tuts, snapping at the waist.

Q rolls his eyes. “They’re serviceable. Come to think of it, I believe you’ve been described that way too.”

“Fine things can be serviceable. If they have my name on them, they ought to be better quality.”

“It’s not actually your name. You do see that, don’t you? Or is your eyesight going in your ripe old age?”

Bond smacks Q’s arse rather hard for that, and Q tries very hard not to let out the noise that gathers in his throat.

“I’m willing to forgive the lack of apostrophe,” decides Bond. “I like seeing my name on you.”

“Evidently. You’ve never spanked me before.”

“I should have. You’re a terror.”

“Shall I lie on my front and think of England then? Perhaps you’d like me to call you Da—”

He gets another swat against the other cheek for that, then, with an impatience that signals he’s finished with games for the morning, Bond plasters himself to Q’s back, wrapping his arms around Q’s waist. He’s still warm from bed, and it sends a delicious shiver through Q that only gets stronger as Bond plays lightly with one of his nipples.

“I’d rather you be quiet and come to bed," whispers Bond, "where you’re going to keep those on and ride me until your thighs are shaking and I have to hold you up.”

That sounds like the best use of an hour or two Q has ever heard in his life, but in the interests of annoying Bond even more—something else he considers another excellent use of time— he sighs, pretending to be vexed in spite of the contrary evidence in his pants.

“That sounds like a lot of work for a Sunday.”

“Since when have you been afraid of a bit of weekend work? Get upstairs.”

Q doesn’t budge, though he has plans to soon. Instead, he turns around and leans in to whisper in Bond’s ear.

“You know, they came in a pack of five, and I bought more than one. This isn’t the first time I’ve paraded around with your name on my arse.”

Bond groans and pulls Q into a hot and demanding kiss. It lasts an age, which is not nearly long enough. For all the joy Q gets out of their bickering, he’d be happy never to speak again if it meant Bond would kiss him like this all day, with his searing tongue and skilled lips, and teeth that ever only bite as hard as Q wants them to.

When the break apart, Q is still in the mood to tease. “In fact, if I remember correctly, I was wearing them the day we met, which I considered a very funny joke at the time. And after I handed over that gun, I thought it would be even more fun if, without arousing suspicion, of course—”

“Christ, Q.”

“—we paid a visit to the men’s bathroom so you could find out where my loyalties really lay.”

“You can't be serious. I looked like a wreck,” says Bond, incredulous. He seems a bit overcome.

“I have a great fondness for wrecks. Perhaps that explains why I’m finding this caveman act so…” Q hums, content. Quite seriously, he admits, “I was yours from the start, you know. You’ve never had to worry about that.”

Bond tugs him in for another kiss. Mercifully, there are no more words after that for a very long time.

[misc-obeyme]

Hi hi CC! Hope you’re doing well!

I’m that one Albertan that talked about how Barb would like it here because there aren’t rats back again to ramble my ideas.

Now before I begin I’m surprised that I wasn’t the only one to send an ask about Alberta being ratless lol anyways,

So in light of me being in the road for nearly 2 days straight it got me thinking. How would road trips like this go over with the brothers?

In my mind the Devildom is rather small (I say this coming from the worlds second largest country- many countries seem small to me) if I’d have to give an example I’d say the Devildom is like Europe. In the sense you can get on a train and be in an entirely different country within less than an hour. So they’d probably not be used to such long distance travel especially to this calibre 6-8 hours (excluding stops) a day.

Now for a bit more context I have a van that seats up to 8 people so they all could be smushed in there + Mc. A general idea of how I think the seating arrangements are like

Lucifer ______ Mc

Asmo Mammon Beel

Satan Belphie Levi

Now being cooped up together for that long is definitely going to have chaos come about and I feel Lucifer would probably pull the “I’ll turn this car around and go back!” Mammon is probably going to wreak havoc on Levi if given opportunity if not he’s constantly trying to talk with Mc. Levi is definitely playing on his switch and listening to music. Satan is reading and keeping to himself unless provoked. Asmo is either chatting trying to take selfies in the car or asking to stop to take said photos. Beel is definitely snacking and listening to the conversations whilst Belphie is just sleeping.

Now I’m unsure how to describe the chaos I’m imagining without writing another three paragraphs and this is long enough. But anyways yeah just some thoughts I had.

Thanks for reading my long winded ramble I shall return another time! Stay safe!

- 🫖o( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )

Welcome back! I'm assuming 🫖o( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ ) is your anon sign off? I will add it to the lists!

Hold up, Canada is the world's second largest country?? I did not know that! Admittedly I also don't know what the largest country is. Russia? Australia? Lemme look it up. OH my first guess was right!

Anyway, moving on...

I agree that I think of the Devildom as being a smaller place without the need for long distance driving like that.

Okay so Lucifer is driving, he would absolutely threaten to turn the car around lol. I feel like Belphie would be the easiest 'cause he'd just sleep the whole time. Though if he's in the middle like that... maybe he falls asleep on Satan or Levi? Or they pass him back and forth lol.

Anyway, I agree with all your observations and I enjoyed reading this immensely! Feel free to tell me more if you would like to!

[teammelodies]

Quick update on the UTY Astrea Mod situation

Anyone who's seen that post will know i had an issue where Astrea (the OC i'm replacing clover with) looked like this:

Which is not what i wanted.

I did temporarily fix it by just copying the water sprite code over to the snowdin code and replacing the water sprites with the snowdin ones, but that wouldn't be a permanent solution.

So, I had a peak at the shader code, and I was correct about it being a shader issue.

Before I explain, I'd like to thank @freemonngo and @youtube-fucker for confirming my suspicions about shaders being the issue. Of course, I didn't see what either of them said about it until I woke up earlier today (I'm in Australia, time zones suck)

⬆️⬆️⬆️So this basically sums up what I figured out⬆️⬆️⬆️ As I said, I had a peak at the shader code, how it works is it basically takes the base sprite and it does a bunch of math to figure out the corresponding colour on the palette sprite (spr_final_palette) and changes it to that colour. A thing about the shaders is it uses GLSL which means I could possibly translate that into Godot (my game engine of choice, which also uses GLSL for shaders) for future projects if I wanted, which is super cool (but also GLSL is something i'm not the most familiar with so it might also be tricky) So then I thought to myself "huh, maybe there's a palette sprite in the files" and there was! (that would've been about when @freemonngo had offered assistance (thanks again btw!)) And being me, I decided to fiddle with the sprite. At first i tried a gradient across the whole thing to see if that'd work.

Not the best method, (I did end up finding the skin colour with that tho) Then i tried something similar to what @youtube-fucker said in the tags, (except i didnt use 9-10 colours, i used my usual palette in 2x6 areas across the entire thing... but it made it alot easier) so Astrea went from purple and yellow to this:

From there i screenshot and colour picked the colours until Astrea was looking good!

So now i can say that i've got the palettes done! yay! (Of course, adjustments shall be made whenever necessary once i playtest those areas, and i'll possibly need to fiddle with it some more when testing geno)

You could also consider this post a mini-guide for anyone else who has this issue too?? idk Now i just gotta look at the code and figure out how to get Astrea all chatty. Hopefully without breaking anything! If I can't figure it out i'll have to stick with her as a silent protagonist.

[helloblobbyblobfish]

day 8: Ray Gun

With such a prompt, I HAD to make a sci-fi setting. Still, quite proud of myself for the pul novel vibe I tried to give this story. Don't hesitate to give your commentary. =)

-

Gor was locked inside the surprisingly cushy dungeons of the evil Mantrax’s fortress.

Finally, the tall, sun-kissed barbarian, wearing only a chest harness that made the man’s pectoral pop up and a leather protection over his crotch. The warlord held a strange weapon in his hands. It looked like a fire-thrower, but with a crystal that was held inside a glass chamber.

“Ah, you wonder what this is.” The being of evil smiled, showing missing teeths and spreading the scar on the jaws that Gor had given his adversary during a previous skirmish. “It is only the way I amassed such a loyal army in so little time after my latest defeat, and how I will finally be rid of you! Even better, I will get to see you fighting at my side, happy to serve my slightest wish and following me like a dog! I will own you body and soul, Warrior of Civilization!”

Gor was thrashing against his chain: “You lie! No weapon could convince Gor to serve your evil purposes, Mantrax! Gor doesn’t know what you will do to fool your army into thinking you have me in your thrall, but nothing, NOTHING will make me fight against what I know is good!”

Mantrax showed his cruelest smirk. “We shall see, Gor, we shall see NOW!!!” And he activated his perfidious weapon, which shot a purple ray that hit Gor in the face, but did not break the skin, instead going directly through the Warrior of Civilization’s skull. The hard eyes of the warrior lost focus, and his pupils dilated, as all the muscles on his face loosened, giving Gor the aspect of a simpleton.

Mantrax grinned and spoke. “You are no stronger than the rest against this magnificent weapon I found amongst the remains of the before-doom location in that crevice you threw me in at the end of our last fight. It makes men and women’s minds pure clay for me to reshape as I want. And you are excited at the idea of being remodeled in my image, aren’t you, gor. You want to be my little pet, for me to tell you what is right or wrong, what you should care about. And call me Great Warlord Mantrax.”

Gor answered in a voice as empty as his eyes. “Yes, Great Warlock Mantrax…”

“Good. Now, here is the only thing that brings you pleasure. Suck it and do not care about your own arousal.” The diabolical Mantrax said while releasing his throbbing dick and putting it right in front of the helpless Gor’s face, while keeping the ray deep inside of the saviors of New New Australia’s mind, this time going through the lustrous hair of the Warrior of Civilization.

As the mindless prisoner started to give automatic licks to the organ entering his mouth, the malevolent Mantrax continued to spread his terrible words. “When you will come back to your senses, for lack of a better term, you will have realized that it was a fool’s errand to protect Queen Angelic all those years and will beg me to allow you to serve me in any capacity. You will be overwhelmed with pride when I will make you my personal assassin and cockwarmer. Is that understood?”

The enthralled Gor was too dumbed out to stop his succion movement up and down the large phallus, so he made gargled noise of approval around the tick length instead. Seeing his mortal enemy in such a state brought joy to the evil Mantrax.

“You won’t ever think of your own needs. you will need, sleep and dump at my command, and not any time before. Is that understood?”

He couldn’t be sure, but the noises Gor made sounded a lot like “Yesh Geat Wulod Mantarck.” 

“Excellent. I can’t wait to see the betrayed faces of all your former companions, who are now your enemies you hate with a fiery passion, of course.”

“Yeah Gurgl Mast Manthrax.”