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#if you read all this you get.. uhh idk
cha1cedony · 7 months
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Okay fine I’ll do one of these (because I like to talk about myself hehehe). Thanks @roboobin for tagging me B)
A very long ‘get to know me’ post below…
Last song: Apparently it was ‘Two Time’ - Jack Stauber, according to Spotify? I’ve also been relistening to a few tracks from Falsettos all day, for some reason. ‘I’m Breaking Down’ got stuck in my head somehow. I’m not super big on musical theater, but I LOOOOVE Falsettos and especially Trina :) You can probably tell I have a certain type of favorite characters/media lol.
Favorite color: Light greyish blue (or white, grey, silver, orrrr light greyish green?)
Last movie: I actually have no idea. Maybe Nimona with my IRLs a few months ago? I almost NEVER watch movies in full because I get bored of them easily. Sorry I know that’s so lame lololol
Currently watching: A commentary YouTube video to use as background noise while I do my writing assignments lol. Like I said, I don’t really watch a lot of movies or TV :/
Currently reading: Nothing, unfortunately! I haven’t read any books/stories in an embarrassingly long time :( I am so ridiculously busy and haven’t had the time/motivation to read and get invested in new characters. I have a bunch of series I want to reread for nostalgia purposes, though. I’m also strangely tempted to read the Animorphs series? LOL. I looked it up on AO3 for the first time a few months ago while in the kids’ section of the library with my IRLS and we were assessing the popularity of kids’ books based on the amount of AO3/Wattpad fics (btw, there are a shockingly low amount of Geronimo Stilton fics in the world). I wasn’t expecting there to be an Animorphs fandom, but there IS? And the fics are really GOOD even though I don’t know the source material? Anyway. Tempted to read it because I like putting teens in situations /lh. Also I want to read more short stories! Send me recommendations, if you have any.
Last thing I googled: This is so embarrassing. ‘Bathroom cruising’ LMAOOOO. I was just writing a funny bit, but I wanted to make sure it was accurate, okay? T_T Other recent searches include my voice lesson Lieder, various areas I’ve felt pain recently (because I’m a hypochondriac /lh), and a vlog I had to watch for my job… I was writing an article about it.
Sweet/spicy/savory: Savory. Every time. I love savory foods, and they’re basically the only types of food I ever crave. Then I would go with spicy, but only if it’s spicy in a flavorful way (and not just a painful way). I don’t like sweet foods except for chocolate—and, even then, I am infamous among my friends and acquaintances for only liking SUPER dark chocolate… like 70% cocoa or more. I would say my favorite flavor profile is bitter! :)
Current obsession: I think y’all already know :^) I am incapable of having more than one strong interest at once, soooo DnDads has quite literally been occupying my brain since liiiike October 2022… almost a year ago now! o_o Holy shit. I’ve been really busy with work and school in the past month or so, so I haven’t done basically anything else in my free time. I’d like to start cross stitching again because I have some projects to finish, and I got some of my late grandmother’s jewelry-making supplies recently, so I’ll toy around with that, too.
Currently working on: Like, right this second? Discussion post replies for my Writing in Digital Environments course :p In general? As far as hobbies go, the beginnings of my next longfic chapter! As far as work goes, I’m working on article about a mural. I have to drive like 30 mins to get a features image for it tomorrow ugh. At least I get to kill time on the clock :’)
I don’t want to tag anyone in particular, but, obviously, if you want to do this, you can just say I tagged you. Shhh I won’t tell ;) hehehe
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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faehrnem · 8 months
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In a different timeline, where Faehrnem never comes to be as the Bold Tree follows in his older sister's footsteps by setting aside his own wants and dreams to instead begrudgingly take on his role as an avatar.
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enden-k · 9 months
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im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)
on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?
i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)
(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)
ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there
#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl#and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction#so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was#instant comfort and the feeling of being understood#that its like#if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me#knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset#uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me#when to come close and when to give me space#perfectly knowing me and reading me#i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense#so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean#not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used#ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone#only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that#you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that#i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and#thats enough#sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my#mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really#grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year#bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me#inside me there is someone#reply#tags tbd#in case i get embarrassed LMFAO
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selkiecoded · 2 years
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What isekai are you reading if you don’t mind me asking?
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okay... but youre not allowed to make fun of me... its called "50 tea recipes from the duchess." korean woman gets fired, gets isekai'd into the body of a duchess who is timid to the point of patheticness and everybody fuckin hates her. is like uggghh well i dont care if im hated as long as i have my special interest: TEA. and with her autistic girl swag (label pending) she makes both the society and her cold intimidating husband love her. 70% of it is her infodumping about tea to the delight of everyone around her.
#ask me no questions and ill tell you no lies#started reading it on tapas bc i was bored and it was free. embarrassingly got invested.#more uhh romance isekai? rather than like an action based one. its cute enough. not really groundbreaking but i like the FL.#we did manage to achieve a conversation between the protag and her body swapped soul so that was fun.#generally i dont support ppl who go on abt art that they only engage w for mindless fun or whatever bc theyre usually talking abt fuckin.#idk marvel movies or the latest army propaganda films or whatever. and generally the media they talk abt verges to harmful.#but i am an avid supporter of reading dumb shit you know is silly. all art has value including stupid stuff.#other dumb stuff ive read: at least two ~sexier~ manga/manhwa. former had surprisingly decent world building.#latter had an INCREDIBLY TOXIC cast of characters. it was absolutely fascinating.#those are the more embarrassing ones and the ones i WONT be dropping titles for.#others include furry shoujo isekai; aromantic shoujo; mousou telepathy (ive mentioned that before)#gag comedy where a dude gets ~magicked~ into a girls body but the joke is hes so lazy that he doesnt give a shit (mood)#stupid bl manga with a hot fat character who is very much the main object of desire#a lot of it is manga/manhwa bc its easier to get into something kinda dumb if its bolstered by having nice visuals rather than like a book#or whatever where you have to slog through it with your imagination alone. even when reading 'dumb' art i try to engage it properly bc i#very sincerely believe that every story has some form of meaning if youre just willing to engage with it#(<- plot of orv btw for an ACTUALLY good story)#like i said the sexi manga has surprisingly good worldbuilding. the toxic story the sexu manhwa was telling was earnestly fascinating.#idk! sorry i know you were just looking for the name but while i do consider it just kinda silly its broader impact has a deep effect on me#this is why i love orv❤️ please read orv. while i already had these fond feelings prior to reading orv it really cemented it for me.#oh and i read romance novels sometimes. i like stuff thats cute and silly! idk. youve been on my blog you can see my icon this isnt news.
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unproduciblesmackdown · 10 months
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i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)
anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says
anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with
anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)
where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered
Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)
and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people
all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything
anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea
and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers
tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me
(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results
#uhh nominal tagging. i probably have nonzero soma posts...? maybe? lol#soma#amnesia#atdd#soma spoilers yeah but a) game's more than half a decade old at this point b) material that hinges on Surprising you the first time as like#thee sole worthwhile feature of its experience: probably not that good; i don't think soma's even dying to keep you from guessing any#''twists'' and if you Do it doesn't feel like you're like cheated of anything lol. though i'm sure the surprises are fun. the ending is sur#like yeah oh a fucked up surprise for the player too; but that's b/c the game of course Until Now followed the ''advancing'' simon copy#c) same as (b) but like spoilers don't really ruin things anyways imo. who is reading this in whole like ''damn i was Just gonna play this'#whereas idk now you know of it. also lbr who is reading this in whole period? probably some people lol. you do not have to ofc as a fact an#as a stance. i'm like; would i read someone's longass post abt something i don't already know abt / am not interested in? not often#d) if you Are like ''nooooo SOMA spoilers arrrgh i was Just abt to play it'' like damn my bad. i'm sorry. play it anyways it'll be fun#or e) watch a playthrough. i myself cannot Firsthand Game too much & this has generally been the case#long post ////#all this uncrucial and noncomprehensive but just taking 90k words & meandering tangents to say [hand over heart] catherine....#as is my mode of verbalizing anything really#i'll recommend the game easily enough; sure watched a full playthrough twice & may revisit for a thrice. or at least various clips lol#even got a safe mode (where you Can't Die so you can get through every part b/c thee story is the point anyways)
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bumblingbabooshka · 2 years
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That thing Tuvok does where someone is talking over his shoulder and he doesn’t turn his head fully around but just inclines it slightly or moves his eyes in their direction like...okay
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cherrysnax · 1 year
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the cocomelon fandom really didn’t like that post
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astrxealis · 2 years
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head hurts a Bit rn but also no regrets
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LAST NIGHT (super early morning) was so FUN#and also LAST NIGHT (last night)#i played songs the first few minutes tbh like. okay nvm i played songs until the speaker ran out of battery (under an hour!)#first song of the year was flow bcs hell yeah. timed perfectly so that it fits w the 'deep dark far away' and AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#theres this gaming club im in right. for school. and we have a disc server where i lurk a lot and read basically everything#but usually don't reply GAJRHEJDJBFSJ ANYWAYS they called us numbers and integers and even anons in the chat wtf#kinda funny. took me back to when dad jokes to us abt being B1 and B2 (BANANAS IN PAJAMAS YOOOOO)#okay anyways. man i was really worried thisd be the worst (b)day of my life but so far it's been pretty great. man.#i'm not used to receiving gifts or nice words from others to be frank like uhh outside of the usual customary greetings#i am Also not used to others spending money for me. guhdkfbsjfb. considering i also don't even use it for myself or for others#BUT YEAH .... shocker morning and i think i was kinda hyper ngl. was gonna get a minion but i realized you cant do that anymore#so the minion i wanted was aerith :)) so then yk! i made a joke afterwards haha :))) rip#i'm EVIL. anyways love that friend he's really like a big bro and really fun to talk to and tease#interesting to think abt bcs idk if it's the same for him but! he is our only close friend w a twin. and so are we#and dudes not as close w his (older) twin so i think he and i kinda like. get each other. NOT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE W LUNE but yeah ??#younger twin things! really coincidental tho fr... i even remember being Slightly annoyed by them first meeting. how things change#really glad w this last year tbh bcs i've met a lot of great people and grew more! lots of bad moments too ofc but i super love the good <3#cheers to this next year being hopefully Great despite all the flaws <3 esp bcs uhm. it's. yeah KDHSKDBSK#being a teen is so PAINFUL ...... but it's part of life and a stage i am ever willing to walk ^___^#BUT ANYWAYS LAST NIGHT (EARLY MORNING) THAT WAS SO FUN BUT FUNNY LMFAO#actually uh yikes what#okay something happened HELP i am a bit confused w my dad rn#kinda frustrating tho bcs Bro ... it is my Special Day ...... you cld. yk. be chill ant it
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goethitee · 1 year
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oooo i think im in trouble…….
#uhh tw for animal abuse & death mention ig#TO CLARIFY IF YOU DONT READ THE REST OF THE POST I AM NOT THE ANIMAL ABUSER#anyways idk if any of you remember the friend of mine that makes poor dog decisions but thats who im talking abt here.#the puppy mill mini aussie of hers has been causing her problems (shocker). but these problems are mainly there because she literally does -#- nothing w her dogs. like she keeps them crated like all the time. theyre barely outside for like 5 min at a time. i only just recently -#- got her to try training them to settle. which hasnt been going well because she never actually house trained the mini aussie. she seems -#-to think omce a dog reaches a certain age theyll be well behaved. but she texted me tonight complaining abt the mini aussie again & said -#-abt how he chewed a hole through the bottom of his crate & carpet down to the hardwood. she then said abt how her bf was so pissed he said-#-if he does it again hes gonna take the dog outback & shoot him. she seems to think this is an okay thing to say.#anyways i told he needed to get the fuck over it shit like that happens when you have dogs your shit gets damaged.#i also finally told her that the fucking bones dont cut it the dogs needs mental enrichment & traing & that she needs to work him.#she mad at me now lol but im just so fucking sick of her shit & how she treats her dogs. complains abt them not being good while doing noth-#-ing to fix it. i feel terrible for her poor dogs. this also isnt the first time ive heard her say smth abt the bf threatening to shoot the-#-dog. ‘its just the way he is!’ thats not fucking excuse he needs fucking therapy if he thinks that that is an okay thing to say.#& honestly from what i know of him he might actually do it at some point. idk our bloodhound that we had to euthanize for aggression chewed-#-on the fucking walls of our house but never once did we even think of ‘taking him out back & shooting him’ & he did that after the first -#- attack.#also shooting your dog is illegal so i will definitely be calling someone if it happens.#i also told her to just get rid of him if she couldn’t handle him cuz im sick of her shit lol
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orcelito · 2 years
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Maybe im not a true goroboy bc I've been in p5 fandom this whole time but only became a goroboy after playing royal
But ykno what that's OK bc im here now
#speculation nation#i just see stuff from b4 royal and im like damng you guys really were here the whole time#to b fair i dont think i was in the mental state to stan a character like him when i was younger#aka i was less. idk. interested in the complexities??#goro's a character i can relate to on an intrinsic level but i dont think i was in the position to actually recognize that#self identification through the other except the Other displays very jarring truths that i was trying to run from#im older now and understand him better. With the help of royal especially.#it does make me a bit sad that i didnt appreciate him as much before. ive been here Basically since p5 was announced#since i was a fan of p3 and p4 beforehand. been sitting here too long lmao#feels like i lost all this time i couldve been appreciating him. but thats okay probably.#im here now and ive been here for uhh. well it was almost 2 years ago now that i started playing royal So#but i didnt get hit with how much royal changed things for me until the boiler room. which i played in uhh sept2020 i think#so 3 more months! will mark the anniversary lok#lol*#i really was planning a whole shukita fic & then completely scrapped the idea after falling down the akeshu rabbit hole in oct 2020#it took 2 months of Dedicated reading and then i started writing my own. and the rest is history 😌#this is just a ramble post but i like thinking about these things sometimes. either way im glad to be here#even if im nowhere near as active a writer as i used to be.... 😔 someday ill return. maybe.
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studiousbotanist · 1 year
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okay finally dleepy.time I think good lord I wish i had the sleepy medicines but I'm OUT . I was reading tjis long form fic I've been reading too but it got so tense and bitter (THE ROMANXE TENSION AND FUMBLED BAG MOMENTS) ouhhhh
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Ah i was so young and dumb, you were so young too, your birthday way the end of january, ill smoke a bowl for you, pour one out for us, i stopped cutting, i hope that makes you proud. I hope one day i can make you prouder still. I hope youre thriving and forgot all about me. Ill be the one clinging to ghosts.
#i think i will always have some level of trauma from this#like ill never fully get over it all#i hope youre okay#grace kelly by.#you said youd never forget me#for your health i hope you did#i never lied about who i was#somehow im 22 now..idk how quick it all went by#but like#wait hol up fr lemme just say i rlly did accomplish a ton just getting to 22 but like..outside of that i havent changed or done much#but my parents split up#if ur reading this which part of me hopes ur gonna stumble across it one day uhhh are u shocked cuz i aint shocked#but it rlly fucked up everything ..them splitting up#i uh..yeah just thought those changes would be interesting#but im a lot better than i used to be#just avoid this blog cuz all the old messages and stuff make me sad#so when i use it all i can think about is how fucked it all ended#ahh man#ill try to drop it for now..maybe ur gonna log on one day and be majorly creeped and i hate to think of that#but uhh if you ever come back all i want is to be friends again#and to see your art now! i bet youve improved a fuck ton!! i havent changed my art style too much but i also dont draw much anymkre#weirdly enough i started crocheting#still figuring jt out but its so fucking fun i get grandmas now#like u zone out and holy shit u made a thing and u cant hell but love it even if its pretty much a fancy string#anyways im gonna go study or do something productive and stop harping on the things that were and focus on what is#im better at that now#im better now in a lot of ways#i hope you are too#i really do
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genshins1mpact · 1 year
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#every time my father picks another shitty fight and i get all worked up and bitter i can't help but think...#two wrong don't make a right but my 'daddy issues' & scara#scara's mommy issues are a match made in hell so what it do baybee#i normally go for the vvv sweet or spicy sweet ones yet lately....#im like this close to just aiming for all the (fiction ofc) toxic tropes#bc while i can't say i relate to everything.. scara def reminds me of old me ive tried so hard to overcome sometimes#maybe why i took so long to come around to him.. reminded me of all the ugliness i like to pretend isn't still part of me 💀#and now im like ykw fuck it time to main him- /hj#delete later#just rly needed to vent & i normally keep that on main bc that one's pretty dry lately anyway but.. nowhere else would the refs make sense#tldr; toxic tropee w/ scara time bc im feelin fucked up and it's time for some terrible decisions 🤪🤙🏻#reminds me of that one kaeya fic where he abandoned the mc and their kid and shit went ham til diluc stepped in to help and all that#.....lowkey wanna find/re-read that one again if it's still out there#&maybe some questionable albedo tropes too or even childe idk. again just.. all for bad decisions rn bc life got me all sorts of fucked up#:^))))))#/neg#vent/rant#why do we call them daddy issues like they're our issues and not our inherented problems from our barely functional dick figures-#uhh i mean sperm donors- err fathers#if you thought that was petty .... you didnt even see the parody holiday card i made him w/ a diaper on it 🤡#ok but fr ima shut up now and i better actually remember to delete this one hhhhh
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salsa-di-pomodoro · 1 year
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Whoo boy i finally figured out what about submas angst hurts me so much, even when it's not meant to be angst. As i suspected it is an inner problem of mine mixed with the lack of closure. What the fuck happened to make me so sad over characters who are alone. I know exactly what happened actually but nvm that.
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batfleshh · 6 months
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Secret
Captain Price x M!DogHybrid!Reader
Warnings: MORE HYBRID SHIT, I’m in a Price mood Ngl, bjs and shit, uhh workplace sex?? Idk, cigar smoking, uhh idk you’re under a desk and someone comes in, gay, bleh, no established relationship?, not proof read
★ Being hired as a hybrid to work with the Task force meant many responsibilities. A lot of those responsibilities meant being around the captain a lot. You didn’t complain, following orders was just something you were meant to do. If he called for you, you would come. Like a dog to its owner, you didn’t complain or get annoyed when you saw him. You were fine with the captain, even enjoying his company from time to time. Sometimes he would just call you in to sit in his office, strike up a conversation involving a topic or two before sending you on your way. It didn’t bother you, even if it was just to collect a few pieces of information from you.
★ Some would even make jokes about you two getting it on in his office, Price quickly shutting down the idea being spread by any dumb rookie. You would just chuckle at the comments, the way he would immediately stop the words from spreading would surprise you. It wasn’t like it was a lie, anyway. When someone would bring up that joke, your mind would immediately skip to what you did in his office last night. Your ears would twitch on your head, tail wagging out of sight while Price chewed out the recruit. He was hot when he was serious, you weren’t going to lie. You were always more than excited when he would use that tone on you, too. The way he could easily command you always made your stomach feel warm, the instinct to be obedient to him made it easier for you to comply.
★ The jokes floating among the rookies weren’t just pulled out of thin air, most of the time. A few could swear on their lives that the few times they’ve walked by his office, muffled groans could be heard on the other side. Others, they heard quiet whimpers, or the quiet rocking of his desk. Maybe the captain just liked to do certain activities in his office, and no one had the balls to ask what they were. But deep down, they all came to the conclusion that Price was in there having his way with you. The way you submit to him wasn’t unnoticed, even though it could just pass as you being a loyal hybrid.
★ And maybe that was what it was that was making you like this, the need to please an authority figure making you more vulnerable to him. And for the many times noises were heard, that’s exactly what was happening inside. The shuffling of a desk rocking and the whimpers were no mistakenly the heard sound, the captain fucking into you at a brutal pace as you were bent over his desk. Tears collected in your eyes as you moan and whine, his rough hands holding you in place. One of his hands was kept on your neck, holding you still. The other was holding onto that tail of yours, keeping it from getting in the way. In a way, he found its frantic movements adorable, your body giving non verbal signs of enjoyment.
★ Then there was the groaning, that one giving itself away sometimes. You would be in his office, snug sitting under his desk on your knees. You had come in maybe thirty minutes before, a hazy look in your eyes as he looks up at you from his papers. He calls you over, asking every appropriate question before inviting you under his desk. He makes sure you want it, grabbing your chin gently and making you look up at him. He asks one more time for good measure, finally letting you free his cock from his pants as he continues to smoke on his lit cigar. After a few minutes, your slowly easing his cock into your mouth, quiet whimpers leaving your throat.
★ Price doesn’t force it in, or pull it out of your mouth. He knows to let you take your time, this being some sort of stress reliever to you. Every once in a while he’ll reach down and stroke his hand through your hair, chuckling at the sound of your tail thumping against the wood of his desk. The smell of the cigar fills your nose as you continue to suck on his cock, your eyes still holding that hazy hue as you look up at him most of the time. At one point, he blows the smoke of the cigar playfully down at you, chuckling as you groan and try to swat the smoke away. You both sit in a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each others company.
★ Well it was quiet, until you heard the unmistakable sound of a knock on the door. You panic, sitting up quickly only to hit your head on his desk. You whine, rubbing at your now throbbing head as you look up at Price, panicked. He gently shushes you, grabbing your chin and slowly guiding you back to his cock. You open your mouth obediently, even though your eyes hold so much confusion. He presses a finger to his lips, a small “shh” sound leaving from behind it as he moves his chair closer to his desk. You choke slightly on his cock, small noises leaving you as you wait for his instructions. What surprises you is when you hear a very audible “come in!” from the captain, your eyes holding a slight sense of fear. He just sneaks his hand down slowly to gently rub at your ears, putting his cigar out as the person walks in.
★ Its a casual conversation on details for a mission you’re all going on, Prices hand leaving from below the desk to shuffle around some files on top of it. The recruit stays longer than you would like for them to, taking Prices cock out of your mouth and licking at his tip. You smirk slightly as he glances down at you, fully aware of what you’re doing. Your tail thumps quietly against the floor, almost wanting for you both to get caught. Price clears his throat and leans back slightly and continues talking to the recruit, his foot slowly moving to press down on your tail, a quiet noise of shock leaving you as his boot holds it in place.
★ When the recruit finally leaves, Prices chair is moved back out, his foot moving off of your tail as he glares down at you. You give him a playful smile, yelping somewhat in surprise as his hand moves to the back of your head. Your head is forced down on his cock, pathetic whimpers and small gags leaving you as he guides your head on his length, drool seeping from around his cock as you let him do it. Tears prickle in your eyes as he stills his movements, hand pressing your head down and releasing down your throat. He slowly eases his dick out of your mouth, watching you cough quietly and swallow. He hands you a small water bottle he has sitting on his desk, tucking his cock back into his pants as you drink from it. He moves his chair out to let you leave, only for you to shake your head. He hums, moving back in and letting you follow through with your own idea as he moves to his papers again. You hum contently, resting your head on his lap.
★ Who wouldn’t want that kind of attention from their Captain?
~ ★
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