#if you saw the version without the squares first no you didnt

[skltart]

therapy s expensive. cody is free <3

[joelletwo]

wrestling with the 4devas bitchslap again to convince myself its fine if graveyard wins the best ep tourney: it's not the other bloggers who are wrong, it's me

not a complete response to but definitely in conversation with and asking some of the same questions again as @reductionisms's 4devas essay, which tries to square gintoki's "life doesn't need to be fun, i just need you to live" being a series-sanctioned message he's given to villains as an arc-concluding moral continuously up until 4devas with it here being an incorrect worldview that needs to be (physically) corrected by shinpachi, the straightman tonal signpost of gintama

a conflict i have been perplexed by ever since i got to this line on my first watch a year or two ago, since i've seen this line before! all over fandom! as part of the general "dont [bottom text] kill yourself" motivational messaging of gintama that i love!

and, briefly, when i hit 4devas i was also in the middle of being really frustrated by the new arc pattern i was seeing crop up: i loved the villains-turned sympathetic-turned someone worth saving by gintoki tune of the first half of gintama, but it fell massively flat for me in Yoshiwara in Flames, where i was never convinced to be on housen's side but had to watch him get a heartwarming redemptive death at the side of the woman he abused anyways.

then shortly after i had the same exact experience in Red Spider with jiraia, and i thought, if this is what gintama is gonna do with its shitty dudes from now on im gonna quit the fucking show. and then shortly after that i met jirochou and saw him cut down otose the woman he loved (under a raining sky!!! the fucking sky motifs!!! the signpost im about to watch a dude be shittily violent to women and be expected to feel sorry for him about it) and saw too much red to really take in the rest of the arc level-headedly or care about anything in it lol.

so it was written off in my mind as the 'otose almost gets fridged' arc until i rewatched it this week. then i had to remember, oh yeah, there's a ton of political maneuvering fakeouts in this arc that i never actually squared back with how the plot presented itself prior to the reveals, so i'd still been thinking about the "fakeout" plot. then i read the manga version with all the "truths" in mind from the start, and finally i felt like i could understand what this arc is doing a little better.

(way) tldr (4.4k words. sorry): do i love this arc? eh. do i still hate it? eh. but it's doing stuff!

first, i was able to see an echo in all the "actually i was planning to betray you the whole time" "actually i was working to help you the whole time" plot beats of what sorachi does with the larger edo/universe story further into the back half of the manga. if i ever sound like i didnt enjoy or wasnt convinced by the execution of these "reveals," it's because i didnt and wasnt, lol. but it's fun that he had fun with them i guess.

the arc starts with pirako ingratiating herself into yorozuya, then having a classic "bump into you and pretend to be injured to extort you" encounter w her dad's gang. to resolve this without escalating into violence, gintoki... does it back to them, which is really funny. but thus the tone is set for the arc of: DISHONEST APPROACHES TO CONFLICT.

pirako isnt honest about her overall intentions the, like, seven different times that she "admits her real ones." kada plays at peacekeeper in the devas while being the ultimate person scheming to get the upper hand over everyone else in the end. (she's also secretly harusame, evil amanto outsider who acts as a unifying force for the kabukicho fighting itself to band together against and expel: sorachi's favorite move! the problem was never internal, it's the shadowy REAL antagonists who infiltrated us)

jirochou and otose are ultimately doing a pantomime of conflict to try to keep temperatures down and escalations from breaking out, so no one they care about has to get hurt. gintoki doesn't know this until the end, but he follows in their footsteps after his encounter with them in the graveyard: he plays at having given up to the rest of yorozuya so they'll leave and escape the coming kabukicho war, the same thing otose was trying with him. it fails both times. i'm really not sure why gintoki and otose thought it would work, honestly. they should know their kids are stubborn as hell.

but gintoki is in a bind because of the things he needs to protect, and all of his actions are primarily in service of that, to the detriment of how he'd prefer to act if he were less restricted. he is unsurprised and unoffended to hear saigou is only willing to warn them, not help them, because her son is in danger if she acts directly. all four devas are, seemingly, being mutually restrained this way, holding back even when blatantly manipulated to do so. the other constant of this arc: everyone is dishonest, and no one wants to risk losing what they have.

gintoki understands that! of course! he's had to make that calculus before, after all :)

and this arc is just one big cliff scene echo: the entire graveyard scene pushing gintoki to emotional regression because he thinks he's losing another parent figure, one he's just seen the Gintoki Figure of the arc cut down, no less (takasugi stolen valor when he goes berserk against him and only ends up uselessly bleeding out on the ground about it, honestly). otose goes into this willingly so gintoki can live. he accepts this decision because he values protecting her values (her kids living on) and is briefly broken by it (the story says, before giving him shinpachi to "put him back on track"). prior to the bitchslap, after saying he just wants them to live, even if it has to be without him, he says:

i dont have a good understanding of when we start getting reveals of gintoki's backstory versus foreshadowing because i went into gintama already knowing most of it, but definitely by the recent red spider where we get our first real look at (or really, first listen to) shouyou. but here we actually get some of what gintoki felt about it, which he keeps closely guarded even when the whole truth comes out: he's done his best to survive having lost, but it was so unbearable he can't face losing again.

(also, honorable mention backstory echo, the person calling him a brother sets his home on fire to drive him and his parent figure out of town. as i liveblogged: this one would really hurt gintoki if gintoki cared about anything oboro ever did!)

but with the shinpachi story-rerouting, they get the good end, keep everyone (otose, yorozuya, all of kabukicho, even pirako and her dad - everyone but kada) safe without having to sacrifice a single thing, even keep gintoki hopeful for this outcome. so, as goose points out, we are left to understand that there could have been a good end on the cliff, that something is different here than there, and, skipping a lot of math, that that is the people around gintoki.

which i do find really funny to imagine as a slam on takasugi and katsura. sorry you kids suck too much, your teacher dies bc u were cringefail. but lets look at it.

everyone is dishonest, no one wants to risk what they have: gintoki rallies himself to keep fighting but is determined to do it alone. kagura and shinpachi fight him on this; they can't leave because they don't want to lose their home, they can't let him fight alone because they don't want to lose him. they're just as restricted by what they have to keep safe, but their only option is to act where everyone else's is inaction. shinpachi says:

if i may skip over the bitchslap itself for now, gintoki does consent to let his allies fight with him after it. yorozuya stands alone against saigou, who's heavily demoralized but resigned, strongarmed into fighting them by the threat to her son. but on seeing their resolve to keep protecting their own precious home and family she says:

and, to skip straight to my thought, i think this is what turns the tides back in their favor. there are more twists and turns to the fight. pirako equates what binds saigou, which she herself equates to what binds the yorozuya, to what binds her:

(with an intentional distinction that she's willing to actively destroy the others', as opposed to their purely self defensive fighting, which is echoed at some point in her distinguishing gintoki from jirochou in the same way, that jirochou not only lives to protect like gintoki but is willing to destroy in the process. i don't find that part as interesting, but it's more fuel to the power of having something to protect as a driving force as an arc theme.)

so now all three stand on the same ground, absolutely unwilling to give up what they hold dear, but all their cards are on the table. they aren't dealing in 12 dimensions of tricksy defensive pre-emptive moves anymore. they know it wouldnt work, anyways, since they all know their drives to protect are the same and no one will be talked into backing down. now they can directly duke it out and let the winner be determined that way, on strength of will. even before the actual circumstances change, the fight somehow feels freer seeing how inevitable it is. and with everything out in the open, yorozuya can now protect each other and saigou's son, taking out one side of the conflict.

(and with everything out in the open, the ultimate 4devas villain can become the single person who continues to betray the others, kada, whose further machinations - with everything out in the open! - saigou (and later yorozuya) can choose to protect pirako from. everyone wins! because everything was out in the open! do you see where i'm going)

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the arc is rerailed to the better outcome. so is the correction justified?

what does the correction accomplish outside of its moment? most convincingly to me of goose's presented options, i also think it's done as a thematic shift, a, okay, just live was a strategy that worked before but now doesn't suffice, so we need something more.

as to why this is needed now and not earlier or later...tldr bad planning <3 but like.

we have, prior to this, a consistent thrust of arcs where gintoki teaches people to lose. as well, while we meet the harusame and we visit space and we get the barest glimpses of takasugi's weird shadowy background moves there, largely we're dealing with kabukicho characters and kabukicho stories. we see or only hear about the shogun for short comedic moments only. we've largely dropped the series intro focus on things like the shinsengumi or hasegawa acting as foreign diplomats. it's a local series, a hometown series, a kabukicho and not even an edo at large series, a personal story about gintoki making personal connections with his personal experience as a flawed person with a flawed approach to life that has let him, chronic slacker, get by on the bare minimum.

at this moment, chapter 300, we have a slow trickle of gintoki backstory starting to come out to us. we've recently expanded the story focus to include yoshiwara, which gets a callout in this arc by kada to keep it relevant. we have an arc of sorachi testing out plot beats that he'll use again for the endgame, in all the political maneuvering and alliancing and betraying and shadowy outsider space governmenting, where he's also doing a lot of echoing of that backstory that only becomes clear later. so it's possible he's thinking about shifting gears and setting up for the eventual endgame, which means getting out of the episodic cycle so things can stick.

and after this arc, to my opinion and memory, we stop getting the classic gintama flavor sympathizable'd antagonists. a lot of the bigger arcs don't even have clear Big Shot antagonists anymore, being more about the shouyoucore theme of characters fighting against themselves, or if there is one they're always explicitly part of the Shadow Government now, a unified and more daunting force than someone they can win over with an inspiring gintoki interaction.

so 4devas does act as a turning point at least in some way. and it's not possible to say this definitively, since all gintama arcs are ultimately never going to be about gintoki or his friends Actually losing something instead of beating the odds, but it does feel like theres a different flavor to, say, dekobokko with its direct look at how chars lives could be different and better and they will still choose to keep struggling as themselves. and Kintama arc definitely doesn't feel like an early days arc, like it can only resolve the way it does with a gintoki who is now able to face his past and the possibility of losing again and again and again (now with, natch, his faith that yorozuya will by his side when he does).

why now, after 300 chapters of letting it sit ignored in the back of his brain working out perfectly fine except when it doesn't (the very reminder of shouyou in a fight making him go Demon Mode, which is like regular gintoki but worse at fighting, bc he is so unprepared to think about shouyou)? well i personally am in big favor of the "take a decade off" strategy for facing problems. it worked for me too. realistically watsonianly its nice to let things percolate in the brain and do some of the processing behind the scenes until its less immediately painful. and he's made many bonds over these 300 chapters, shown in this arc when the whole town rallies behind him, that are there to support him when he needs it now and weren't there before.

realistically doylistly eh. bad planning.

and so we come back to the question: gintoki is corrected, the series as a result is rerailed to a writing space where things can start changing (leave the episodic, as you guys say, sazae-san format). it's useful in the future. so is the correction justified in terms of what comes before it? was the correction needed?

thinking about the bitchslap leads to thinking about the cliff scene leads to (sorry kagura and katsura, you guys arent really relevant here) pitting shinpachi and takasugi against each other in how they act with something on the line they can't bear to give up.

i don’t need the lesson of 4devas to apply logistically to the cliff scene. once they were set up on that chessboard, frozen in their assigned places as a backstory, it’s not like takasugi could’ve power of friendship���d his way out of being physically retrained if he decided he wanted to. it’s set up as a forced choice, it has to play out as a forced choice.

but we see that even before it’s asked of him, takasugi is willing, prepared, unbothered to give up his own life for shouyou’s. this is, goose lays out in the sequel, the cardinal sin in gintama - a teacher shouldn’t outlive their student. it would have been especially egregious to shouyou, whose whole desired life’s purpose is to raise students who can outlive him and outgrow him, take his lessons and go out into the world and do their own thing with them. takasugi doesn’t expect to do this and doesn’t seem to see a point in the possibility if shouyou isn’t back with them.

though we can also think of shouyou as a little too quickly willing to give up on the cliff - sorry, gintoki, the suicidal guy has thought about it for .02 seconds and decided the best outcome is for you to kill him even though he could get out of this no problem. maybe its no wonder gintoki gave up too. can we ask katsura what he would’ve done?

and is takasugi different from shinpachi there? he rejects the mentor’s attempt to exchange his own life for his. he’s not willing to consider a life without him.

but shinpachi is convinced no one is going to die. because they’ll be there together. incredibly naive - shinpachi and kagura, restricted to one option by what they need to protect like everyone is in 4devas, have acting as that one option because they are still free in a way gintoki and the other adults aren't. they’ve never actually experienced the impossible choice that forces you to give up, so they can act as if there isn’t one - what else would they do? why would they think to give up?

but gintoki is defined by having lived the impossible choice. its built into the foundation of him as a character and leaks out everywhere. he couldn’t have relied on his friends on the cliff because they were quite forcibly removed from the picture as an option, not by his or their choice. its written as an inevitability, logistics we find out later be damned.

if we refocus to 4devas, we can look at the Gintoki Figure for a different angle. jirochou, after he and gintoki resolve the arc conflict by being able to team up because they - say it with me - put everything out in the open, tells gintoki about his impetus for abandoning his family and coming back to his wayward life in kabukicho, the death of otose's husband.

it's, um, another now really obvious parallel to gintoki, lol. characters talk about how jirochou does everything he does in this arc to try to atone for his failure to both otose and tatsugorou, and i guess thats true bc he was written that way but he has an odd way of showing it, but anyways he resolves that, despite his guilt over this, all he can do now is keep living and keep protecting what they loved together. he's come to the usual gintama message all on his own, reinforcing that this is the correct way to live in this series. he had his own unavoidably shitty situation, and he came to terms with it.

so then where did jirochou go wrong, in the narrative's eyes (other than abandoning one woman and their child to deal drugs in the town of his other woman while ignoring her)? was there a point he could've changed how their trio's story played out? but he loved and trusted tatsugorou, and he was happy to step aside and let him be the one by their otose's side. i doubt he would have been happy stealing her away even if it were possible.

but if we look at the resolution tool of 4devas... he never put everything out in the open!!! everyone knows he loved otose, but in more of an open secret way. in classic romance plot, he never confessed for second male lead rejection closure. indeed, in the closest we ever get to a main character having a romantic plot in gintama, the very ending of the arc flirts with him doing just that now that he's made a little progress with the arc message, with the entire cast of the arc expecting him to (and interrupting before he can).

but if he had when they were young. if he had been honest with his friends. could it have opened up other options that weren't available on his own, that they didnt know to offer? i have a preferred one lol. but u can get creative with all sorts of life paths that avoid tatsugorou dying that way or, at the least, jirochou feeling chained to a shameful life (living in a town he doesn't go out in to protect a woman he doesnt talk to and feeling like he doesnt deserve the family he abandoned for this) because of it.

and then if we take this and rewind back to the cliff... we get to grind my favorite ax, "shouyou shouldve told literally anyone literally anything about his deal." if gintoki knew more about shouyou, they could've faced his horrors together, the whole time. he couldve known that shouyou was being literal calling himself a demon and not internalized his own identity as one for life just because shouyou bonded with him over it. i truly genuinely think the logical conclusion of all of gintama's big messages are that shouyou and gintoki should have been more open with each other.

but i don't think sorachi thinks that. and, you know, by 4devas rules, the unriskable precious things he was protecting by staying silent were his students' humanity, and secondarily his own fragilely newly hopeful heart that literally couldnt stand another 10 millionth round of rejection (killed himself and then went on a 12 year rampage over it. girl i would too).

and takasugi really isn't dishonest about what's going on in his head when he tells us he expects to die for shouyou. that's as cards on the table as i could ask. gintoki is, a little bit, by omission. he does what i'd want him to here - tells takasugi try just not dying - but doesn't give him a reason to, and doesn't tell him he has no plans of letting anyone die for shouyou.

so what goes wrong on the cliff - shouyou is happy, gintoki is happy, oboro's even kind of happy, katsura is irrelevant - is that takasugi is blindsided (whoops) by their silent agreement that betrays the one he thought he and gintoki had. and then ruins everyone's party about it and spends the next ten years doing so for good measure.

which is also, basically, what shinpachi is going through that prompts the bitchslap, too. he thought they were a team, that they had each others backs, not that gintoki is a one-way protector of them. he is blindsided by gintoki lying to and tricking them and hiding things from them. he is hurt by gintoki feeling hopeless all by himself when he could share that with them and be encouraged by their endless child optimism.

and would it need to have changed anything on the cliff? in the moment after the bitchslap, what contributes to gintoki changing his mindset is tama telling him, we trust that you're capable bc youve always shown us that, can you trust us this time? when, later in the arc, gintoki seems to regress by sending kagura and shinpachi away, he asks them to trust that he's still trusting them, relying on them to help shoulder his burden, and in return they know he's staying alive, not self sacrificing. maybe it would've helped just to feel on the same team and not shut out, to be able to trust gintoki like gintoki was trusting shouyou?

so. two paralleled instances of gintoki making a bad situation worse by keeping to himself and being too self sufficient. that feels clear cut that feels fine im okay with that as a takeaway. do i think its exactly what sorachi had in mind while writing this, as opposed to just a good series 'hey lean on your friends' moment to read cool and tug at the heartstrings? eh lol. i think theres definitely room to read takasugi into this arc (i still need to refind the takagin 4devas post...) but its not so baked in that i think he was a PRIORITY in the plotting.

but is the shinpachi SCOLDING necessary is the scolding justified... and yes its in response to life doesnt need to be fun i just want you to live. still a confusing framing i can't immediately square. but/and more immediately its directly responding. to gintoki opening up to them about his insecurities!!

which, as said, he doesnt do!! he doesnt talk about his failures! its basically like, here and to hijikata that one time and otherwise even when we know all the facts about what happened we still never hear gintoki himself talk about it. (so he really DOESNT learn the lesson here either. he stays dissociated and triggered every time utsuro comes up. he tries to solve the altana baby problem on his own. he doesnt talk to his new friends OR his old friends. bwah. gintoki. silver soul.)

so this is like. its just in the wrong order!! its just in a baffling order lol. if you want gintoki to share his burden do you need to punch him when he shares it. does it also need to sound like you're blaming him for not being capable of upholding his promise to protect anyone when thats the insecurity thats got him all discombobulated this arc in the first place (a whole set of notes i took on this that i didnt find a place for in this post)?? its so weeeeiiiiiirddd lol i dont liiikeee itttttt. theres plenty of things shinpachi can validly punch gintoki for but this is such a weird one.

so i guess. having a clearer understanding of this arc do i hate it less? YES honestly. i hate fakeout plots generally they irritate me but everything... more or less makes sense by gintama standards now that i have the whole plot in mind.

do i hate jirochou less SORT OF? i enjoy him. in his individual relationships. i like his shitty dad deal i love shitty dads. i like him pining for otose who genuinely likes him but also brings up her husband every sentence she says to him just to keep him down. i like his parallels with gintoki that they both explicitly acknowledge and find macho comfort in. hes still not theeeeeeeee most well-developed gintama antagonist but you know? i at least think otose and pirako would want to be around him after this.

do i feel like i have a clearer understanding of the bitchslap moment. NOT CONVINCED I DO. i feel like its going to be one of those things that slips in and out of my understanding like sand in cupped hands. i have a tentative understanding of it that i dont think sorachi actually had in mind. so i dont think ive solved it lol.

will i be cursed to think about 4devas forever? god i hope not. am i okay with it beating farewell shins in the polls. god i fucking hope it does. in the horrible timeline where i have to see 305 make it all the way and then lose i guess id rather it be to this one than to hijigin. consider this poll propaganda?

[neil-neil-orange-peel]

Rik also said Ade used to chase younger students around at college hitting them which I'd find pretty intimidating 😂 Also I think Ade said he didnt like Rik when he first saw him cause he seemed liked a tosser 😄 Someone not liking you is always intimidating. Ade describing watching Rik smoking a cigarette and throwing his hair back on the bus and thinking 'what a absolute tosser!' always made me laugh cause you can just imagine any of Rik's characters doing that

Ade says in his essays he took an instant disliking to the man in front of him on the bus because he was being really pretentious with his cigarettes (and making it super obvious he didn't fully know what he was doing with them) but could blow smoke rings, which Ade couldn't do. This guy turned out to be Rik Mayall. 😂 The passage is told way better than I can recount here, because you just know he's talking about Rik, and that's what makes it funny.

Rik often told the story (most notably in his autobiography) of standing up when the lecturer came into their first lecture, and Ade and everyone else laughing at him for being such a square. I can see this happening, don't get me wrong, and I'm sure a version of this did happen 😂 but Rik did always tell this story from a sort of "Rick" POV, so he's trying to amuse us and this should perhaps be taken into account. Like, throughout Bigger Than Hitler, Better Than Christ he makes out that Ade threatens him with blackmail and violence whenever he gets a laugh. 😂 You have to read between the lines with everything. Rik didn't drop his The Rik Mayall persona - well, aside from a couple of very specific chapters, arguably - and it's a clever way of maintaining his privacy.

What I think is probably true about when Rik and Ade started uni is that both of them wanted to be seen as cool (Rik was 17 when he started uni, the baby, whilst Ade was 18). I think Rik especially wanted to be seen as cool, and I think Rik thought Ade was really cool.

There's a whole bit in Bigger Than Hitler, Better Than Christ about Rik and Ade meeting Ben. I'm not even going to attempt to summarise the story because I'll probably kill what makes it funny, because it is very funny. Rik manages to tell us about events in his life without actually telling us about the events in his life and it's really clever. Everyone is a caricature of themselves. Ade often played the more angry and violent character, to Rik's weaselly wimp - Vyvyan and Eddie Hitler, for example - so Rik makes him out to be like them. He similarly makes Nigel out to be like Neil, and himself out to be like Rick (during the younger bits, anyway).

There's more I could probably say but I'm tired and should probably be asleep so 😴

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

a poem for small things

by Admin 1 & 2

The time has come, the first proper post for this segment we’ve settled on calling a poem for small things, a nod toward BWL and its Korean title. Like we said in our call for submission post, this is supposed to be something like a place full of positivity for vminnies (and perhaps the occasional namjinist) where you (and us) can share whatever we’d like in connection to vmin, both as vmin and as Jimin and Tae the individuals, and have something to raise our mood and also strengthen our vminnie confidence. We’ve gotten several wonderful submissions and quickly realized that for this first post the theme is mostly how I became a vminnie, even if three submissions talk more about vmin moments they enjoy instead.

I think it’s a really interesting theme, especially since everyone’s story is different, and everyone seems to find something else about vmin that captured their attention and hearts so sharing these memories and experiences is a great way to start off this segment. We’ve said it many times before, though I don’t think you can say it enough times, but this bond that Jimin and Tae share is truly special and so one of a kind, it’s wonderful to see how we all relate to and resonate with it in our own way and find something in it that makes us fall in love with their loves, regardless if we see it as platonic or romantic love. Love is love after all. 95z is love.

For the order of these submissions, we’ll simply go in the order in which we’ve received them. Most of them came from anons, which is more than okay. We’ve also opened the possibility of submitting posts for those who would like to submit wordier posts/asks, should we do another edition of this. It all depends on how much you’ll enjoy it and if you’ll come through with more submissions that could be gathered for future posts.

Anyway, enough talking from our side, let’s dive into these submissions below the cut, shall we? Like we said in the original post (and demonstrated in the preview post), we’ll add some of our commentary and observations along the way, too.

From anon: This is going to be long winded story but Vmin is like a Serendipity to me. I've heard of BTS mainly from my hubby when he complains that times sq is packed because of BTS (when they’re in town and doing their rounds of morning shows). I knew they were very popular but it was a great surprise that i discovered them after watching ILand during lockdown. Their songs were great and i started playing their classics like Fire, DNA Fake Love etc. Then they did an appearance in the show...

I love how you heard about BTS because of your husband and Time Square being packed, this is honestly the most original and unique version of how I’ve come across BTS I’ve read over the years. Amazing!

I was drawn to Taehyung's beauty during their appearance in Iland. And my first Vmin ? moment was when Tae commented about being handsome and attractive are 2 things and being attractive weighs more - along those lines... then JM made a comment that its unfair that he's both and Tae was like Im talking about you... I went like ok he thinks JM is attractive- theyre good friends.... then Jimin did the FakeLove choreo and the camera focused on Tae and he had this wide smile...The Iland Tae/Jimin clips made me do a double take but I dismissed it since it was just only a few seconds worth of screen time but still...

I-Land vmin was really something else in both episodes. 

Fun fact: I-Land was the first Korean survival show I’ve ever watched, mostly because it had something to do with BH and since it was streamed online with subs in real time. Unfortunately, my faves—Daniel and Taki—didn’t make it into ENHYPEN, though I’m happy that Taki will be in a future Japanese BH group.

But, going back to vmin, that moment with Jimin dancing FAKE LOVE and Tae looking at him with that boxy smile as though Jimin hung the stars in the sky? I melted, even if it was just one of those brief moments, yet still it’s so cute! And it was all over sns being shared by vminnies and non-vminnies alike. What a great time that was.

Then VMAs Dynamite perf happened- both Vmin looking good. I saw a lot of their promos especially the Jimmy Fallon interviews... and I noticed in hindsight how JF was so careful when referring to Jimin ... Since Tae was my first bias, I searched YT for Tae related content eventually saw in my YT feed Vmin moments. Theres a lot of Vmin content in YT or maybe the T*ek*ok ones didnt really register as extraordinary to me. But defo the Vmin moments were extraordinary to me,,,the BV4 sleeping together, kitchen role play & BV3 JM excited to see Tae and them holding hands and then Tae crying and then Tae's busking with Jimin cheering him on were all amazing to see. Up to this day this specific YT vid stood out to me first 

I actually went to check what video this is, and also looked at the comments where my favorite was this one: The staff member went straight to Jimin to tell him V was crying. That's all you need to know. They’re not wrong with that one, are they? That is pretty telling. BV3 vmin were a work of wonder, truly. Jimin watching Tae sing that Sam Smith song during the dinner in the sky looking all soft and endlessly fond?

Jimin encouraging Tae to busk and gently petting his hair was just such a pure moment and showed how much Jimin appreciates Tae and the talent he has, how in moments when Tae might brush aside wanting to do something, is a little hesitant and unsure, Jimin will stand up for him and give him strength/encouragement, which reminds me of Tae’s vlive in April 2020 and the fact that Jimin had told him that he wants to be his source of strength. Beautiful. And it shows that it wasn’t just pretty yet empty words, but something he truly meant. They both do.

Then i came across vid trans of Friends & cried first time hearing it especially when it got to the part "One day when the cheer dies down, stay hey.." It felt raw and honest to me. Then there's MOT:E concert and that part in Dynamite where they bumped their heads seemed bizaare to me - i was like were they fighting? because JM looked really fierce(or maybe emotional) then i saw the close up. i couldnt remember the exact moment I became a Vminie but it made quarantine easier...

This, I’ve noticed, seems to be a recurring theme among quarantine ARMY and vminnies, the fact that becoming ARMY and vminnies made it easier, and it fits with what we’ve been saying about BTS for years: they will find you when you’ll need them most. And in these trying and uncertain times, it’s certainly proven true once again.

Thank you of much for your submission and sharing your story with us, and I’m glad they could make quarantine a little easier for you.

From anon: I've been following BTS on and off since BST, but only really consider myself a true fan late 2019. I can't recall having a bias at first, but I was captivated by Jimin's everything when I binge-watched all their content. I must admit, my first OTP is T*e/k*ok, where I fell down the route of considering Jimin 'an interfering 3rd party' in their relationship, and it shamed me. Since then I've been cycling through Jimin ships, namely yo*n/m*n, j*n/m*n, m*ni/m*ni, and I even thought that j*/k*ok was real at some point. Strangely, Vmin never struck me as something extraordinary. I don't want to blame anyone, but Vmin caught my eye after I watched official BTS content without filter (presumed bias/judgement) all in their glory. I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant. That's what makes me love Vmin, and for the first time in my fandom life, I have no qualms about whether they are real or not. Their bond, whatever it is, is already precious and something to be cherished forever. Thank you for providing us vminies a special corner to speak up about our experience 💜

You’re very welcome! I hope you’ll like how this turned out as well. Thank you for sharing your story with us and personally I find it fascinating how, despite Jimin being the one who captivated you most at first, you still fell into the “he’s an interference for my ship” trap that’s quite popular with that particular ship. I’m glad though that that never ruined your love for Jimin. It’s also really interesting for me how you went through different Jimin ships yet it took you the longest time to notice vmin. I feel like, because vmin and vminnies are more “low key” than the other bigger and louder ships, as well as Tae and Jimin simply being quieter in their interactions (not always but you get the point) as compared to, for example, Jimin’s interactions with Hobi, Jungkook, or even Namjoon, it takes people a while to really notice them.

This is my favorite part of what you wrote, and I think it’s a great way to describe vmin in general and what makes them different from other ships in the grand scheme of things: I realized that while other ships may go up-and-down as in one day there's a frenzy and another day quiet af, Vmin has been and is still going constant.

From vminot7: So i fell into BTS hole after watching blood sweat and tears mv casually on youtube. Jimin immediately stole my attention with his unique voice, graceful moves and handsome features even though i didn’t know their names at that time. I watched more MVs and jimin continued to hold my attention but i was also extremely drawn to taehyung's voice and facial expressions. So i started looking for more content such as RUN BTS and other compilations and realized my love for all 7 of them. I also noticed how jimin always had a soft spot for taehyung and was curious about their dynamics. I started looking at more of vmin content and i was really surprised to see how in the early days they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now. I think they have a unique bond and i have never come across anything quite similar. Now vmin are both my biases and my bias wrecker is hoseok.

I admire jimin for being a hardworking, passionate perfectionist but also a caring soul who is always ready to offer love and comfort to people in need. I love taehyung for how he looks at the world in his unique ways and how he has a childlike awe for things and how he is so passionate over the things he loves. The thing i love about vmin together is how they are so different yet work so hard on their relationship when it would be easier to just not try that hard.

Ah, another mention of the queen that is Blood, Sweat and Tears. The MV truly is such a masterpiece so I’m not surprised that it caught your attention, and especially Jimin since he was…something else in that MV, or like Tae said, his eyes were temptation (this boy, I swear). Since you mentioned how in the first years they were nowhere near as soft with each other as they are now, I think watching their dynamic and relationship change and evolve over time showcases the one thing I think a lot of people (as well as movies and TV shows) forget or gloss over, despite it being so incredibly important: in order to make a relationship of any kind work, especially in order for it to grow as deep and strong as the one between all members and especially vmin, you need to put in the emotional work to make that happen. You have to make an effort, have to learn to understand the other person and teach them to understand you as well, learn to appreciate and love their little quirks and how to accept others. And it’s so clear that that’s what vmin did, continue to do, and it more than paid off in the long run. I’m glad you highlighted that in general but also as something you love about them.

While the overall bond between the members is a class of its own, I think especially what vmin have achieved is a whole masterclass in relationships and fostering strong ones, in and of itself. There is a lot I think we can learn from them and I’m so happy that people recognize how special they are.

Thank you so much for your submission!

From anon: There’s this small moments in Dear Class of 2020 that i just adore! I’ve watched it at least 20 times this past month

It starts with “Spring Day”- tae and jimin laugh and look at each other and it’s just so sweet!

Also, maybe it’s my delusional mind but after tae’s and jin’s small and adorable moment- it seemed that jimin did the same with junkook right after maybe out of i duuno if jealousy but like “pay attention to me too” kinda way- dont know really and maybe it’s me being extra🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree partially, in that Jimin watched Tae’s and Seokjin’s adorable moment, obviously must’ve thought of it as cute just like we did, and thought he could do the same with JK. I don’t think it had anything to do with jealousy, especially if we work off of the idea that vmin are a thing, but also because it’s a performance and these things primarily serve the purpose of being cute and entertaining use, in other words, it’s fanservice (which isn’t the evil word some portray it as). Also, within that same performance, Tae and Jimin actually sang some of the lyrics toward each other, therefore they, too, had a cute moment they shared with big smiles and everything, just like you mentioned.

But we’ve gotten to see much more of Tae’s friendship with Seokjin in 2020, and especially the second half, so it was really sweet to see them interact during that song. Their friendship and dynamic is really a beautiful one, just like JKs bond with Seokjin, which I feel we’ve also gotten to see more of in recent months. Part of me (and that part can very well be wrong) feels that perhaps once the members caught on to Seokjin feeling the way he said he did/does, they decided to give him an extra dose of love and affection, off camera but also on where we can see it. That isn’t to say that they didn’t show him any of that before, but maybe they increased the intensity a little, a reminder that Seokjin truly is loved, that he deserves all of this, that it’s just his imposter syndrome (or at least what sounds like it) lying to him.

I’m still so touched and moved by the fact that he trusted us enough to share his feelings with us, to gift us Abyss and how it came to be, and that Bang PD was on his side and coaxed him into pouring his feelings into music, even if it would be “bad”, that the fear of it potentially being “bad” shouldn’t hold him back (and Namjoon helping in even if just a tiny bit with the lyrics). It was one of those times where I feel like we were all reminded that regardless of our opinions of BH and their doings, the members are surrounded by kind people who have their best interest in mind. After all what’s good for Bangtan is also good for the company, a win-win for everyone.

…wow, okay, I kind of went off on a tangent, I’m sorry…

Either way , then we have “Mikrokosmos” where we have a sweet moment at their part and towards the end where they switch mic and hear each other

I love this performance overall and especially “spring day”- jin’s and j-hope’s lovely voices and of course tae’s!! This song fits them so well and all the members of course

Well this is my rent , i love your blog and always wait for another post! Also i love the new idea and look forward to it!

Thank you so much for your submission and for bringing up their Dear Class 2020 performance. It was a truly magical one, and after reading this the first time, I did go and watch it again. To this day I’d still very much like to know how and when and why the mic switch between vmin happened, and I kind of hope that we might get a Bangtan B*mb or EPISODE about this eventually and it might shine some light on that question. Overall it was one of my favorite performances on 2020.

From Sky: While I enjoy cute, physical moments with VMIN, I really do value how emotionally attached they are to each other. For example (I don’t know if it fits as vmin moment but), I love how Jimin asked V to take the Promise cover photo, and how he ended up putting V’s name for credits on the cover. (Special Thanks to V, Best Photographer) This really shows a lot. Coz he can easily choose any Bighit photographer to take it. He could have chosen JK because we know how he takes good pics and vids too (and also apparently alot of people say that vmin had a falling out and that Jimin and JK were much more closer, lol). Or he could’ve asked Suga too bec he’s into cameras too. But he didn’t. He chose V, and chose to shout it out to the world how thankful he is for V’s help. RM co-wrote Promise, and maybe had offered more help in this project, but he didn’t put it in the cover. I’m not saying Jimin is ungrateful for not crediting RM in the cover. The difference is that he and RM had a vlive regarding the making of this song, a lot of people already know RM’s participation, he was officially credited as co-writer and Jimin really showed how thankful he is to RM. But no one knows of V’s participation (except for a snippet in that Run ep), so Jimin felt the need to tell it to everyone. I’m sure it’s not only the photos, I think he wanted to acknowledge how V helped him through the process, whether directly or indirectly. Also, remember this is Jimin’s first non-album solo single. By putting V’s name in it, he is sharing this very special song with his soulmate. How endearing it is! V also included Jimin in his first full English song. He used the two bears given by Jimin as Winter Bear’s cover photo and he included the photo Jimin took (sleeping V in the plane) in the MV. Like, seriously, they are trying to consciously imprint each other in their life’s milestones, openly or subtly. I’m crying. 😭

This was lovely, and yes, Jimin could’ve asked whoever to take those pictures, could’ve chosen any other ones, and yet he wanted Tae to be the one to take them, wanted those specific ones as covers. It’s very sweet and creates this subtle connection between Jimin, the song, and Tae. Sure, it isn’t the first time a picture Tae took is the cover for a SoundCloud song (the picture of JK on the 2U cover was also taken by Tae if I remember correctly), but it’s the fact that Promise is Jimin’s first non-BTS song, his first solo release, that makes it that much more special. Even more so when you think about how meaningful that song is to Jimin, and by having Tae as cover picture photographer, he’s in a way forever attached memory wise to that song as well, right?

The same also goes with Winter Bear and the two ceramic bears. Remember how excited Tae looked when I kinda spoiled that gift being a thing happening in an upcoming RUN episode during Jimin’s vlive during the summer 2019? Adorable. It’s also curious how though the title is singular—winter bear not winter bears—there’s two ceramic bears. One for Tae, one for Jimin? Maybe, or maybe I’m reading too much into it. Either way, it’s really cute, and it was a very thoughtful gift, even more when we think about just how much Jimin loves that song.

From anon: Love this idea it's super cute!! 1st thing that came to my mind is a rather simple moment, jimin bopping taehyung's nose and making a lil game out of it

Taehyung asking for more and that dazed smile 🥺 he had the same expression in that concert when jimin placed his face just above him, tae's smile afterward... it was so pure u could almost read "love" in his eyes lol

What a lovely note to end this post at, thank you for that. I don’t know what got into them during that photoshoot for Season’s Greetings 2020 but this was so disarmingly adorable. I remember when that moment appeared all over every sns and everyone just melted, myself included. Their smiles, the cute clothes, Tae’s head on Jimin’s chest, the softness and innocence of it, just all of it. It truly was so pure and like this sweet visualization of ‘love’.

And with that, we’ve reached the end. Did you like this? I had a great time reading your submissions and adding my little comments to them. If you’d like for us to continue this, same rules as last time, send in a submission marked with “VMC” and once we’ll have enough of them gathered, we’ll do this again, if you’re interested in more, that is. Send in whatever positive vmin you have, a thought, a moment, a memory, whatever you’d like.

Thank you once again to everyone who participated! :)

[hoodie-2]

Hours had passed since the "math duel" and the sun had began its descent, setting the town ablaze with a warm orange glow. Krel had spent a portion of the evening exploring, or rather wandering, throughout more of the town, observing it's people. Many of the humans were out in pairs at this hour, some of the pairs had included smaller versions of themselves in whatever activities they were partaking in. He had spied a young pair of, well, human girls at the park, almost identical except in the tones of their skin and the color of their hair, and a pair of adults he assumed were their parents seated on a bench not far away, sitting at polar ends from each other on the bench conversing on their communication devices, otherwise leaving the two children on their own.

The girls themselves didn't appear perturbed or at all bothered by their parents behavior, more entertained by the images on the platform they made with the unusual writing untensils in their tiny hands. Well, all Earthly untensils were unusual in Krel's perspective; pencils, pens, markers, but ones that the two girls used were different even from those. These were maybe the length of an unused pencil but far thicker than a marker and... powdery? His head tipped as he watched one blow away part of her line, the colorful powder pushed into the air in one big gust, as she redrew the line. Her fairer toned sibling patted a hand on her clothes, a blue colored handprint left behind on the green fabric. Both girls took notice of the mark and giggled, the first girl Krel was watching pressed a hand to her own clothes and left a pink handprint similar to the other's blue. The action brought a smile to his face, it has been a while since that happened.

He eyed the girls' parents again. Would it be rude if he just started talking to the children? Their parents didn't seem to be very attentive at the moment. Doesn't that sound familiar? But he was curious about their weird, colorful writing tools. Hm, maybe if he just kept a decent distance as he spoke to them. He didn't want to come off as strange.

"Excuse me," he approached the girls, kneeling to their height at what he believed was a respectable distance. Both girls looked at him, shifting as if they were preparing to run at the first opportunity, Krel wasn't exactly surprised by the reaction seeing as a lot of the commercials on the picture box involved something called 'stranger danger' and he was, afterall, a stranger to them. But he pointed at their drawings, from a closer examination the colorful etchings turned out to be crude imitations of other Earth creatures, a lot of them with long ears and roundish tails and a few like clouds with legs. "What is that you are writing with?"

The wariness in their eyes wavered as they looked down at the drawings around them and then at the untensils in their hands.

"You mean chalk?" The yellow-haired one asked, pointing her free hand to the blue powdery stick she held.

"Chalk," Krel echoed thoughtfully. "And you, ah, draw with it?"

"Yea, dummy," her sister answered. "Haven't you used chalk before?" They gave him identical looks of confusion only someone their age could.

"No, actually, I haven't." Krel answered back quietly. "We don't have anything like 'chalk' where I am from." He looked down at their drawings again, noticing colors other than pink and blue, there was a yellow circle he figured was the sun judging by the green landscape below it and many other colorful dots he supposed were plants. His head tilted so the image wasn't completely upside down in his perspective. "You have some very pretty drawings."

"Do you want to try?" The yellow-haired girl asked, holding out her chalk stick to him.

He eyed the shrunken piece of blue in her open palm. "A- are you sure?"

"Sure!" The girl chirped, a smile spreading over her features, a matching one on her sister's as well. "We do this all the time, its fun."

Krel took the chalk from her, rolling it and turning it in his hand, blue powder stuck to his palm wherever it touched. He looked up to see the girl reach behind her sister and pull out another stick of chalk, purple this time. They went back to scribbling on the bricks around them. He watched as their creativity grew and spread, narrowly crossing over each other's work and somehow still blending together.

Looking down at the emptiness around him where their chalk hadn't yet touched. What would he draw, he wondered. Things considered artistic escaped him, even on his planet; he couldn't understand poetry, the closest he gets to crafting is inventing gadgets, even basic drawing on a telepad wasn't something he had much skill in. What could he draw? Well, shapes are pretty simple.

He started with a triangle, Earth's history was full of them according to Kubritz and her research teams. Ancient tombs and monuments to societies that have long since passed, the triangle was acknowledged as the strongest structure, those words rang true clearly. A square, the basic form of most present day structures; there wasn't anything too spectacular about it, a little more space than a triangle, sure but meh. Then a circle, a shape Krel was most familiar with, there wasn't a screen or viewing monitor in Akiridion-5 that did not have circles, and even then there were links that connected them to more circles. On Earth, circles meant unity to some and a means of 'alien' communication to others - Kubritz.

"Can't you draw?" The brown-haired girl asked as she crawled over to look at his work.

"I am not very talented." Krel admitted. "But drawing with chalk is fun."

"Try drawing your family." Her sister suggested as she joined them. "That helps me sometimes."

Krel hummed at that logic. It was sound enough, even if he was currently at odds with his family and it was an extremely delicate situation. But they are human children, it was probably best to go along with it.

He started with Aja, forcing himself to recall her human form; it wasn't perfect, especially since he was limited to one color but he knew. Next his mother, whose disguise he's only seen a handful of times so this may be a little more difficult. That was nothing to drawing his father. How does one draw face fur?

The girls giggled at the etching.

"That one looks like a monkey." The yellow-haired one pointed to his etching. His gaze roamed over the attempted drawing and felt laughter bubbling in his chest.

"It seems you are right." Oh, how was Krel going to look at his father's face without laughing now?

He looked around them, seeing that the sky was gradually getting darker, getting closer to the time that younglings would be taken back to their homes. The girls' parents were still occupied with their own priorities, poor girls.

"I suppose I should go," he sighed, giving back the chalk he was given, "you will be going home soon." Krel did not expect such saddened expressions at his words.

"Do you have to?" The brown-haired girl asked, watching him stand up.

"I'm afraid so." He dusted the blue powder on to his jeans. "But I'm sure we will see each other again."

"Really?" The yellow-haired girl asked excitedly.

"Of course," Krel chuckled. "I wander around when I have free time." He watched as they shared a look, tipping his head as they stood as well, the yellow-haired one picking up the blue chalk and holding it out to him again.

"My name's Abby," she said, bouncing a little on her heels as she shook the chalk at him.

"And I'm Gabby." Her sister added proudly. "You can have the blue one, then we can draw again next time. Right?"

A smile pulled at his lips again. It would be a shame to see their faces fall again in sadness. He took the chalk from Abby. "That sounds fun. My name is Krel, it was nice to meet you both."

They waved at him as he walked away, pocketing the chalk he was gifted. Maybe he can find out where they get it next time so he can obtain more himself. He admired the blue powder that tainted his palm, opening and closing his hand, it was somehow amusing how the color clung to his flesh. It was almost as if his real body was peering through, if only.

After a bit of wandering, the sky growing darker, and some of the street lights were blinking to life Krel found himself at a back alley behind some stores that surrounded the park, if his memory of the town map was correct. It was empty of any lifeform that was human as he stepped in, looking around at his surroundings carefully; four-legged creatures that he was told were cats saw his approach and ran off into hiding; even smaller creatures scurried away behind them, leaving Krel alone with the garbage bins of two different sizes, the walls of the buildings were clean aside from the occasional stain near the bins or moss that grew more toward the ground.

He wasn't sure what compelled him to do so but he pulled the piece of chalk from his pocket and wrote the equation from the math duel, following it with his correct work and answer. Satisfaction washed over him as he wrote his answer, the right answer, his original answer. He was still a bit stuck on his why's during the duel, he knew he did a good thing for Seamus so what did it matter anymore. Why did Seamus stare at him when it was over?

Krel's hand moved to write another equation, it was more complex but watching the letters and numbers come into being it made sense to him, it always made sense to him, similar to cataloging past events and his planning for the future. It was comforting as he continued the equation, spreading it further along the wall, blue clear against the red brick but still convoluted. Had he been less taken in with his work he probably would have felt more guilty about how much of the chalk he was using up. He didn't notice the approaching person behind him until they addressed him.

"Kubritz?"

Krel whipped around, instinctively taking up a defensive battle stance startling the newcomer. That was... Seamus? And was holding an item in each hand, they didnt seem to be weapons though so he could relax somewhat. Not completely though, he has noticed around the education prison that some human males in their age group tended to be, well, boorish and found amusement in harassing other males they perceived as weak, and Krel's human form unfortunately suited that perception. Primitive. He'll be sure to correct that.

"Uh... hey," Seamus waved one of the things he held, the action stiff. His eyes flicked beyond Krel, looking over the equations behind him. "What're you working on?" His gaze followed the equation to the start, lingering on the work shown. "Looks complicated."

"You have no idea." Krel wasn't trusting this interaction, not that there was any reason to.

"Hey- Look, you can relax, uh, whatever move that is," Seamus gestured to Krel's posture with whatever it was he held. "What is that anyway? Judo? Jujitsu?"

Krel eased his stance but kept a leery eye still on the human. "Nothing you have ever seen, I assure you." He answered in little more than a monotone.

"Ookay...?" The human coughed, taking a few meeger steps toward him with a hand extended outward. "You want a burrito? I dunno if you've eaten yet or anything but it's an idea right?" He gave a pitiful laugh as he stopped only a few feet away, the thing in his hand slumping over his fingers like it was trying to slip out of his grip.

As a being of energy, Krel had no need to consume organic materials, but he has been curious. On another hand Earth has a history in poisoning consumables for enemies, again not that it should affect him, maybe.

A sigh escaped Seamus, seeming to notice Krel's reluctance. "I just want to apologize for my behavior." He said, "You didn't deserve it. You earned the grade fair and square."

"I suppose I should say that I'm relieved you've gained some sense." Krel retorted, not completely convinced.

"Okay... I earned that." Krel saw Seamus' grip tighten around the 'burrito', his restraint was admirable. "But you didn't have to let me win, so why did you?"

Krel finally took the burrito, examining it for a moment before tearing the aluminum wrapping like he's seen other humans do and bite into it. The texture was strange, soft, soggy; the taste was savory, it was weird feeling the crunch of vegetables but overall it wasn't bad but he didn't have much in expectations, so, another point for Earth.

"Wanna sit?" Seamus gestured to the the sidewalk. Krel didn't object, taking another bite of his burrito and joining him on the cold cement just a yard or so from a flickering lamppost.

"I had nothing to gain," he answered finally, getting a startled look, "from winning the math duel. Nothing to lose either, unlike you."

The human's head ducked almost sheepishly. He must have recalled how loud his father was in bellowing their agreement. If it could have been called that.

"Again, I'm sorry," he declared. "My dad just has high expectations. Very high."

"Understandable."

"Is it really?"

Krel frowned at him. "Just because my parents are not present does not mean I don't have my own problems with them."

Seamus' face turned even more guilt ridden. "R-right, sorry," he stammered, a red hue spreading over his features. He was quiet for a moment, taking large distracting bites of his own burrito. The silence allowed Krel a moment to gather his thoughts about the present situation, and possibly plan for what could happen next. Maybe he could somehow make Seamus an ally, like Aja had with the majority of their peers, to keep his disguise here. It certainly would make things easier than researching every tidbit about this mudball to blend in while Morando outsources the search for Gaylen's core. The question was how to do so.

"You," Seamus spoke up again, breaking the silence between them, "you came from a warring country, right, like Aja Tarron and her family?"

The words brought a bitter curl to his lips. Her family, may as well be, ironic, consider she used to run away from her family at every opportunity.

"Yes," Krel answered softly. "Maybe even the same country, if luck would have it." Some luck that would be.

"What happened? I-if you don't mind me asking."

The expression on Seamus' face was different from before; softer, solemn, perhaps even sympathetic. It's been a clear background to his class that Krel escaped from a war torn country with no family besides Morando who was discharged due to injury during the fight. Could this be the opportunity he needed to make Seamus his ally? To make a 'friend'? In one quote Krel had heard, he now understood. When opportunity knocks, it would be wise to open the door.

"I-it all happened so fast," Krel began, quickly coming up with details to twist the story from the traumatic reality. "It happened on the coronation day for the royal heirs; my parents both had high political and military positions so my sister and I were allowed good seats to see the crowning," he kept his voice low, allowing some of the emotion he kept at bay to fill his words, "everyone was excited, we all had high hopes. The princess hadn't made her appearance yet when the attack happened." Krel swallowed thickly as the real memory came to mind. The running, his parents ordering him and Zadra to find Aja, falling behind, and being left behind. "It was chaos; people were running everywhere, trying to find each other and to find shelter, soldiers and their weapons, the cannon fire..." his eyes were leaking again, it was too much already with so little spoken. What was wrong with him? "I- I was too slow, my... my parents- my sister, gah, what is wrong with me?" He took the fabric of his shirt, quickly trying to wipe away the streaming liquid, his chest felt heavy, his core ached. Krel hadn't felt like this since he first found Aja and their parents on Earth. His head hurt.

A hand touched his shoulder making him freeze up. "It's okay." Seamus' voice was calm, relaxing even. "You've been through a lot, huh?"

Krel sniffed, trying to regain some composure before answering. "You have no idea."

[backtobackbakubabe]

I’m Gonna Make This Place You Home (Part 10)

Bakugo X Reader 

Runaway reader finds a home with Bakugo. But will trouble follow. 

Thanks to everyone who read this far. I think this is going to be the last chapter of this fic. Please enjoy :) 

Words : 4326

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You were gone. He still couldn’t believe it. He could hear the monitor beep, he could see the rise and fall of your chest...  but you were gone. He would never hear you laugh again.. or feel your arms wrap around him at night. You were gone.... unless....

This plan had to work. It wasn't much of a plan as far as plans go. He just had to trust Ora to follow through on her part. She needs to go back in time about twenty years and take him with her. Two things she has never done before. Great. 

But according to her, going back and stopping Puppeteer from killing their dad was the answer to everything. He just got a weird feeling that she was hiding something from him. Like she wasn’t giving him all the facts. If he was about to risk his life he was going to need a little more than a hope and a prayer. 

“So how does it work?”

Ora needing no elaboration, nodded and took a seat next to him. “Well it’s nothing like ‘Back to the Future’... There’s only one of me. Meaning I can’t travel to a time that I don’t exist and I will always be the age I was or will be at that time. So if I travel sixty years into the future I’d be an old woman and if I travel twenty years into the past I’ll be....”

Bakugo groaned, “You’ll be a child...Damnit. Now I need to add babysitting to this stupid ass plan of yours?”

Ora rolled her eyes, “Oh pease I was almost ten...It’s not like you’ll have to change my diaper or anything.” 

Bakugo raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. “No, just all the fighting... Shit will I be a kid? I’m younger than you are!”

Ora gave him an annoyed look, “I told you I’ve never done this before. So how the fuck would I know... In the dream I had you were an adult though if that helps.”

It didnt help but there was no point in stressing about that now. He sat up and stared at the ceiling, “She won't remember me will she?”

Ora gave him a sad look, “Unfortunately no... Her meeting you, the life you lived together. Will be erased. The only people who will remember will be you an I. There’s a possibility she’ll be a completely different person than the one you knew.” 

He felt tears well up but he had cried enough today. He was done crying. It was time to do something about it. “Alright. One more time from the top. What’s the plan?”

Ora sighed in relief once she knew he was officially on board. “So I’ll take us back to the day my dad was killed. I know for a fact Puppeteer was the one who did it. He wasn't very big in the organized crime world yet. He was still pretty young and didn't have many people working for him. He... he did something kind of fucked up and its honestly scared me from using my quirk for a while...”

She took a deep breath before she continued. “Puppeteer used my dads own quirk to make him time travel so far into the future, to a time he was already dead. Leaving no body, or evidence. Just poof. Gone. Now I dont go into the future. For any reason. That shits scary.” 

Bakugo nodded thoughtfully, “Okay so if you dont go into the future, how do you plan to get back here after we stop Puppeteer?”

Ora sagged a bit in her chair, “I’ll just have to suck it up I guess.”

Bakugo stood up rather abruptly and walked over to where you were laying in your bed. “So let me get this straight. You want me to go back in time twenty years. Something you dont know how to do. To a time when you weren’t even ten yet. Kill Puppeteer. Hope that you can find a way to return us back to the current time... and all for Y/N to have no clue who I am?”

“Yes but at least she’ll be alive... and safe.”

“Why not just go back a week and stop her from being kidnapped?”

Ora put her hand on his tense shoulder, “Bakugo... she had a very hard, tragic life, full of abuse, pain, and abandonment. You have the option of giving her, her life back, giving her a chance to really live.” 

Damn it... he said he was done crying. He looked at your still face covered in bruises and scrapes. He didn’t want this life for you. He wanted you to be happy no matter what the cost. “I’m ready.. let’s do this.”

He held his hand out to Ora who gripped it tightly, “I’m going to count to three and on three hold you breath and close your eyes.” 

He nodded 

“1...” He has to do this.

“2...” He promised to keep you safe and this is how he's going to keep that promise. 

“3!” Everything went black. 

He tried not to panic. There’s no way this was how it ended. He knew he wasn’t dead because he was still aware of himself. He could feel a light breeze as if he was being dragged through the air in a very cold, dark room. Then POP! He was standing outside a house in the middle of the day. He looked down and he was holding the hand of a very short, kind of adorable version of Ora. He suddenly felt very creepy and let go of her hand. “Almost ten my ass! There’s no way your older than seven!”

“It worked! And you're here too! Oh thank god you're an adult...” She sounded way to relieved about that, which made him think she actually wasn’t sure at all that it was going to work before. 

He opened his mouth to protest but he was interrupted by the slamming of the front door. “ORA!” He whipped his head around and saw a woman who looked like you only she was stick thin without a curve in sight, and her hair was cropped short in a pixie cut. This had to be your mom. She was holding a small child to her chest and when the child turned to look at you there was no  doubt that those were your eyes. 

The woman’s head snapped from Ora to Bakugo. “Who the hell are you? Why are you talking to my daughter.” She looked like she was on edge. Of course she was, any minute Puppeteer would be showing up to collect her kid, and she didn’t need any witnesses. 

Bakugo wanted to punch her right in the face. Blow her ass up into a million pieces. But he couldn’t... for one she was your mom, and secondly he couldnt do any of that while she was holding you. So instead he squared his shoulders and looked her in the eye, “A friend of your husbands. Is he home?” 

She narrowed her eyes at him, “I’m afraid not. He’s attending to some business and I don’t know when he’ll be back.”

Bakugo smirked at her, “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”

She held her hand out summoning Ora, “I don’t think I’m comfortable with that. Seeing as I don’t know you.” 

Ora giggled like a silly child, which made sense considering she was, “Oh Mamma. You’re so funny. We know him. He comes to play with me and daddy and sometimes Y/n!” 

Ora shot daggers at her daughter. “I’ve never seen this man before in my life!” She stepped closer and grabbed Ora by the arm and yanked her closer. She stared into her eyes for a bit before she gasped, “You fucking wicked child! What have you done now?!” She looked back up to Bakugo, “And for the last time, Who the FUCK are you?” 

“Honey language! The girls are seriously right here!”

A man with kind eyes and a warm looking smile walked through the front gate. Ora had tears in her eyes and she threw herself into his arms. “Daddy!”

The man picked her up and cupped her face, “Ora sweetie why are you crying?”

She sniffled before she smiled, “I just missed you.”

The man laughed lightly and mussed up her hair, “You saw me a breakfast yesterday morning you silly goose.” He leaned forward and kissed your mom on the lips and then he kissed you on the top of the head. 

Your mother turned pale as she looked up and down the street in a panic, “Honey.. W-What are you doing home? You weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow...” 

He reached for you and took you in his other arm so he was holding both of his daughters at the same time, “Oh I just missed my girls too much. I needed to come home.”

He turned to Bakugo with a confused but polite look on his face, “I’m sorry son... have we met?”

Your mothers eyes bulged, “He said he was a friend of yours?!” Her eyes shifted to Ora, “Ora! Who is this man?” 

Ora stubbornly crossed her arms over her chest, “My friend!”

The man looked perplexed, “Ora is this a now friend or is this a future friend? Honey we’ve talked about this before. It’s not okay to play with time...” 

He was interrupted by the slamming of the front gate. Bakugo’s head whipped around and came face to face with Puppeteer. “Sir. I can’t tell you who I am or why I’m here but please just listen to me when I tell you this man” He pointed to Puppeteer, “Is here to destroy your whole life. Don’t let him touch you and definitely don’t listen to anything your wife tries to tell you. She’s working for him! He wants your daughters! He wants their quirks!” Bakugo’s hands started to pop. He could do it now. He could kill him right now. 

Your mother yanked Ora from your fathers grasp, “You stupid, ungrateful child! You brat! What did you do! I saw it your eyes! Your eyes are way too old, they have seen way too much!” She was shaking Ora now and looking frantically at Puppeteer, “I’m sorry sir! Her power was stronger than I knew. Here I can give you both of them! Y/N! She’s starting to show bits of her quirk and it seems it closer to my quirk. Take them. Please! Just dont kill me sir! Please!”

Your dad took a step back gripping you tighter. His eyes wide and pained, “You are selling our children... Who are you and what have you done with my wife?” 

Puppeteer smirked, “Little minx isn't she? She’s always been quite the siren. I was hoping to do this quietly and with no fatalities, but I have your chidden now. So I guess there really isn't a need for you anymore. He reached to his jacket pocket and pulled out a gun. “Who do I kill first? The man protecting his children? The Woman who couldn’t do the one simple task I asked of her? Or should I kill the man who somehow knows all of my secrets? Hmmmm” He turned the gun to face Bakugo, “I think I’ll start with you!” 

The whole thing seemed almost silly to Bakugo. A gun? Really? It seemed hard to believe it was the same man who had armies of people’s quirk at his disposal. Bakugo dealt with thugs with guns every day. 

Puppeteer pulled the trigger and Bakugo immediately reacted by blasting himself into the air to avoid getting hit. Midair he sent a blast in Puppeteers direction. It blew up right in his face but the only thing it achieved was making him drop the gun. Puppeteer growled, “Stupid boy! You think I came here without backup! As we speak I have someone cloaking me in a forcefield!” 

Bakugo sent another blast his way, “Good for you. But he can’t keep that up forever...” He sent another blast. “I on the other hand have been training my whole life. I can do this ALL DAY!” He sent another blast. 

He would keep doing this over and over again until the force field gave out and Puppeteer was a smoldering pile of ash. 

Puppeteer was sinking to his knees under the force of Bakugo's explosions. Bakugo didn't plan on letting up any time soon, but then he heard this voice. It was almost like it was in his head. It was whispering to him. He shook his head and tried to concentrate but it was growing louder. 

“Stop. You dont want to hurt him. He is our friend. You want to help him.” 

Bakugo screamed as he tried to drown out the voice. It had to be coming from your mother. He looked over and your father looked like he was also fighting some internal battle against her sirens song. He was on his knees with his eyes screwed shut as his hands tried to cover his ears. 

Ora was doing her best to try and pick you up and was trying to run from your mother. “Bakugo! It’s her! DONT LISTEN TO HER!” 

Bakugo had sweat pouring down his face, “AAHHHHH!” He took one hand and pointed it at your mother and blasted an explosion at her feet. It sent her flying and when she landed she looked to be unconscious. The voice stopped soon after and he turned his full attention back to Puppeteer. Except he wasnt there anymore. 

He heard a scream and he turned just in time to see Puppeteer scoop you up. Ora was yelling for your dad to wake up. He was slowly coming to but it wasnt going to be fast enough. Bakugo ran towards you. He just needed to get you away from him. He didnt come this far just for you to be kidnapped anyways. 

“Give her back asshole or I promise you a slow painful death, rather than the quick one I had planned.”

Puppeteer laughed, “How stupid do you think I am? As long as I hold her you won't hit me.” His shield guy must be wiped out. He’s resorted to the human variety, hiding behind a child. Hiding behind you. 

Bakugo’s palms sparked and popped dangerously as his furry increased by the second. “You FUCKING COWARD! I WILL KILL YOU! FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!” 

Bakugo could see your dad staring to finally come to, and he could see Ora whispering and pointing at you. Your dad nodded and locked eyes with Bakugo for a moment and nodded. Then he disappeared. 

Bakugo was confused for a second before he realized what was happening. He time traveled. He probably went back a few minutes to grab you. He just had to wait.....-”

“NOW!” Your dad was back and holding you in his arms. Puppeteer looked down at his now empty arms and yelled. 

“Get behind me!” Your dad scooped up Ora and ran in Bakugo’s direction right as he sent a large explosion right at Puppeteer. He didnt stop  though. He held it there, yelling, releasing all his grief, all his anger. 

Finally a small hand tugged on his pants leg. It was you. With pigtails and missing teeth but it was you. “Daddy said you can stop now....” She was right there wasnt anything left of Puppeteer and police cars were starting to pull up. 

Bakugo fell to his knees and slowly pulled you into a hug. He had tears in his eyes as he held you to him, “Y/n promise me that you will live your life to the fullest. Always be patient and kind, but never let anyone take advantage of you.” He pulled away and looked into your very confused eyes, “I hope to see you again some day...” 

You wiped some snot from your runny nose, “You're weird...” then you turned and ran back into your dad’s waiting arms. 

Bakugo had to hide from the police while they questioned your family. He didnt know how the laws of time worked but he could only assume it would be bad for him to be put in jail. The police knew enough about your dad’s quirk and what he did to look the other way. After all, your dad had been helping them prevent murders for years. They still interrogated them for a few hours, but at the end of the day your mother was arrested, Puppeteer was dead, and you were safe. 

Ora walked into the basement where he had been hiding. “Y/n’s asleep now....” She looked like she was at a loss for words, “I don’t know what to say except thank you.” 

Bakugo smirked, “Its not like I really had any other choice.” 

Ora smiled, “Yeah I guess not....”

She took a seat next to him on the couch and they both took a minute to really grasp this new reality. Your dad was alive. You both were going to have normal lives. 

Bakugo cleared his throat, “So what now? How do we get back?”

Ora blushed, “Well you see that’s the tricky part....”

Bakugo’s eyes widened, “ORA!”

“HEY! let me finish will yeah? Shit... I’m not going back. I never planned to. I finally have my dad back. I want to really relive that childhood I never had you know?”

Bakugo narrowed his eyes, “Ora... you're almost thirty years old... how in the hell are you going to pull off being seven?”

“I’m eight thank you very much and I dont know. I’d say I’ll be a child prodigy but honestly I never really went to school. Its probably for the best that I do now. Learn what all the fuss is about.”

He snorted, “So you're just going to what, go back to school, learn math equations and shit and pretend everything is fine?” 

Ora nodded, “Yeah pretty much. Someone has to look our for Y/n anyways. And hey! I’m around your age. Who know’s maybe I’ll see you at UA. or maybe Y/n will... the world is so full of possibilities now.” 

Bakugo nodded, “So you’re staying... what about me? How do I get back?”

Ora didn’t say anything for a little bit which made Bakugo very nervous, “So technically I can’t send you back. I’m too young and my powers are no where near ready to handle that.... BUT! before you start to yell at me my dad should be able to do it... I think...”

“You THINK?! Did you fucking trap me here?! This was not part of the plan!”

Ora shrugged, “You knew it was a shit plan from the beginning dude...” 

He heard soft laughter coming from the stairs, “It’s going to take some getting used to. Hearing my child sound like a grown woman...” Your dad walked in and took a seat  in the recliner across from Bakugo. “Ora has filled me in on.. well... everything. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for you and what you have done for both of my daughters. I may not be able to send you all the way back to your present but I can try and get you as close as possible.”

Bakugo stood up and reached out his hand. “Sir, it is an honor to meet you. No need to thank me, I just did what any hero would do.”

You dad reached out and shook Bakugo’s hand with a smirk, “Sure any hero might have done the same... but you aren't just any other hero.. I believe you truly loved Y/n.” 

Bakugo blushed, “Yes sir, I truly do... I’d do anything for her, even if she doesn't remember.”

Your dad nodded, “Well I have to warn you... after I send you back I plan on changing our last names and moving. I’ve meddled with time enough to know it’s best to let things happen as organically as possible. Dont look for her. If she's meant to find you again... she will. If not... well than you will always have my gratitude.” He scratched the back of his neck, “I feel I should be honest with you though, the chances that fate would bring you together in more than one timeline... well its not really likely.”

Bakugo felt his heart sink. Did he really have to leave this to fate? Did he have to trust the universe to bring you back to him. He nodded, “If that’s what is in her best interest. I will do my best...”

Your dad smiled, “That's all I ask.” He put his hand on Bakugo’s shoulder, “I hope to see you again some day. I’ll be rooting for you!” 

Bakugo nodded, “Thank you. Oh and sir... if fate should bring Y/n and I back together... I’d like to ask right now if I have your permission to marry her?”

Your dad sighed, “Bakugo I can’t promise that she’ll find her way back to you, or that she won't fall in love with someone else. BUT. If you two crazy kids find a way... I’d be thrilled.”

Bakugo smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. “Thank you sir.... I think I’m ready.” 

Your dad nodded and pop. Everything went black again. He wasn’t nervous this this time though. He knew he’d pop back into reality soon. 

What he wasnt expecting was for him to pop back in at the UA sports festival. Oh great... high school all over again. 

********************************************

Ten years later.

Bakugo sat in the coffee shop. It wasn't exactly the same now as it was the first time. Seeing as Puppeteer never came to power his little brother never got his hands on it. Tasha however was here and she was thriving as the manager. She flirted with him a few times but instead of being a grump about it, he introduced her to Kirishima. They had been happily dating for quite some time now and he had to admit they're a cute couple. 

Ever since coming back from his little trip to the past he’s tried his hardest to live his life the way you would have wanted him too. He tries to be a little more patient and kind. It doesn't always work, but at least he's trying. 

He comes here almost every day. He orders the stupid drink you loved so much and reads a book. Today he was a little bit earlier than usual because he got off his overnight shift a little earlier. He dragged his tired feet across the threshold and up to the counter where an amused Tasha was waiting for him. “Long night?”

Bakugo rolled his eyes, “The longest. Can I get my usual?”

Tasha smiled, “Of course sir grumps a lot. Go take a seat. I’ll bring it out to you. On the house today, hero’s discount.” 

He smirked before thanking her and sitting down on the nearest couch. It just so happened to be the one he had kissed you on in another life. 

He sat there with his eyes closed and let the sun coming in from the window warm his tired soul. Sure physically he’s in his mid twenties but his brain and his soul were much older. 

It wasnt long before he heard his order being called out at the pick up counter and he groaned. Hadn’t Tasha just told him she would bring it to him! “Ugh I’m coming!”

He stomped over to the counter and reached out for his coffee but his hand met someone else's. A sweet voice rang out, “Oh I’m sorry, but I think that might be mine.”

He froze. He knew that voice. He was scared to look up. He would be devastated if he got his hopes up and it wasnt you. 

Slowly he raised his eyes to meet the most beautiful face he had ever seen. It took everything in him not to scream. “Oh it might be. I’ve never known anyone else who orders it.”

You giggled, “I call it a cinnamon bun latte. Its not really on the menu but Tasha is nice enough to make it for me. She recommended it to me one day and its all I’ve drank since.” 

Bakugo smiled, beamed actually, “That’s probably my fault. I’ve been forcing her to make me this drink for years now.” 

Tasha walked up and handed Bakugo his coffee, “Hey what gives? I told you I’d bring you your coffee?”

Bakugo nodded, “Oh yeah I was just talking to uh.” He caught himself at the last second. He had to remember he wasnt supposed to know who you were. 

“Y/n. My names Y/n.” You reached your hand out to shake his. 

“Nice to meet you Y/n, I’m Katsuki. If you want I kind of claimed a couch over there if you’d like to join me?”

You blushed and bit your lip, “Sure. sounds good.”

His heart was pounding in his chest. It was you. You were really here. He was talking to you! 

You took a seat next to him a little closer than you probably should have. But he just smelled so good. And something about him seemed familiar. 

Bakugo pointed to the book in your hand, “So what are you reading?”

Your eyes lit up with excitement. “Oh its this really lovely book. Its about these two soul mates who find each other in a coffee shop. She gives him her number but he accidentally throws it away. He goes back every day looking for her and finally fate brings them back together all because she has this really weird coffee order that he remembered. I know it sounds silly but I just love it. It’s probably the third time I’ve read it.”

Bakugo smiled and scooted a bit closer to you, “No. It sounds like an amazing story...”

*****************************************************************************************************

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[an-umbra]

You put a smile on my face. [Joker X Reader | One shot]

SHORT SUMMARY

Becoming a comedian. That's your dream. You have the opportunity to prove yourself because you have a guest appearance on a Murray Franklin Show. But it will be anything but amusing. While you hope for a successful evening, Murray amuses himself with Arthur's clip. Instead of bursting out in laughing you defend the man on the screen. Without knowing that the Joker has kept an eye on you now ...

AUTHORS NOTE

This is my first post on Tumblr, I am kinda nervous! Since English isnt my first language I apologise for any mistakes in the story, I tried my best though, haha-

Also, I didnt write anything for ages, so I am very thankful for any feedback on this! 🖤

Last but not least; Thank you to anyone who is taking her/his time to read the story. 🖤

CONTAINS

- The images/gifs used are from the Joker played by Joaquin Phoenix. Also, the story is based on events that happened in the movie. Still, you can imagine this with any version of the Joker you want to ~

- No real sexual content, but a bit of tension and touching 

- Word count: 1440

STORY

Faster, faster and faster your heart beats, until it feels like it could jump out of your chest at any moment. You could just turn around. It wasnt too late. Your eyes turned to the mirror where you saw your fear-distorted face. The wobbling of your legs - that was one of your habits when you got nervous - made your reflection shake up and down. "Just be yourself" you gave your image as advice and pressed the muscles of the corner of your mouth up, but you could not stop them from trembling. Nervousness was a feeding sensation. You just wanted to disappear, maybe back into your protective four walls, without spectators, without any human soul.

"Are you ready?"  a voice asked coming from the direction of the door. Am I ready? You repeatedly thought to yourself. You pressed your fingertips against your palm and exhaled one last time for the jump in the icy water. "For sure!" came back in response from you.

You stood up and let your hands slide over your dress. Every single fiber tickled your skin. One last look in the mirror; you at least should look good if everything went wrong. A pair of pants would have been more comfortable than this tight dress. You sighed and started questioning everything again. "(Y / N) please stand behind the curtain!" Your body jerks briefly before your feet carry you towards the curtain. While you stood in front of the curtain, you would have liked to disappear - whoosh - just gone like you've never been here. "Please welcome our next guest, (Y / N)!" Tap. Tap. Every single step echoed through the great hall. The clapping of the audience boomed in your ears and the spotlight fell on your pale skin. Swallow. Breathe. Everything would be fine, that was your first appearance. You gave the audience a short smile and raised your hands in the air to greet everybody. "Thank you so much for having me here today" you squeezed out of you as Murray reaches out to you. Next to him, you looked like a trembling puppy taking his first steps. Would you ever achieve this professionalism?

When you sat down on the sofa, Murray asked for an applause again, after all, it was your first time on a big stage. An audience like this and thousands of people watching you in front of the TV, it felt good. It felt really good. As if you could finally be heard. As if that was the beginning of your long-awaited dream as a comedian.

But Murray did not ask you for a joke. Not for a single one. "Today we want to take a look at the something" he told the audience. Alright. Maybe you could do a number afterwards. A clip appeared on the studio screen. It was a man. He held a kind of notebook in his hands. He flipped through the pages until he folded the book and began to speak: "It's funny, when I was a little boy, and told people I was going to be a comedian, everyone laughed at me. Well, no one's laughing now." The uncertainty in his voice promised that this guy was probably just as insecure as you were. You could understand him though. "Youre dead right!" Murray exclaimed with a puffed-up laugh. The audience laughed in rows. "What do you think of our encouraging beginning (Y / N)?" He turned to you and smiled at you. Put on and experienced. That's exactly what his smile looked like. "Are you serious now?" You put back as a question. You did not dare to blink, you even stopped the breath of air that you just took. What did you just say? Why were you so angry? It doesnt matter. It was too late to change what you just said. The moderator's smile slid down his face. The eyebrows snuggled closer to his eyes, which he squashed. He probably did not believe what he had heard himself. "Well" he began unaware, "dont you think that's funny?" Funny? You did not know what was funny about it. This man wanted to make people laugh. But they robbed him of this attempt. "I found the gentlemen you just demonstrated here funny" swallowing, you pressed your fingertips even harder in your hand until it almost hurt. "I do not want to be part of this show anymore." Now or never. You got up and looked into the audience. Disappointed faces. Whispering heads, which leaned towards their counterpart. Everyone was as horrified as Murray. Then you turned to the camera. "I apologize to you on behalf of this show ... keep trying to make people laugh. You already made me laugh." You tried to cheer up the man who had probably just watched this series with great anticipation and was now the victim of a corrosive society.

                               Tonight was your last performance on TV.

TWO WEEKS LATER

You sat in the train. The usual everyday life, working, eating and sleeping. Itwas sad, but it was paying off your bills. You had pressed your bag against your chest, because today the train was overcrowded again. Breathing was hardly possible, it felt like breathing in dust. Not long ago a movement had started in Gotham. Many people disguised themselves as clowns and protested. Triggered by a clown who shot and killed three employees of Wayne Enterprises in the subway. The tense situation in the city did not surprise you. Dissatisfaction. Poverty. Everything carried the city into the abyss. The train jerked your body back and forth, while your eyes remained fixed on the ground. Which station were you at? You looked up - boom - he had met you, the look you would never forget. First ice cold. Rigid. But when he noticed that you returned the intense eye contact, his expression changed. 

He puts a smile on his face, at the same time his right brow made a small jump. Left. Right. Your eyes looked around hastily. Nothing. He actually looked at you. You were overwhelmed. What should you say? Should you even say something? How did this guy know you? Thousand of questions. No Answer. He was different from the rest of the protesters, his face was full of make-up, it was no mask. Somehow it fascinated you. Was that weird? You saw the passion with which he had applied the mak -up. "City Hall" an artificial voice finally said. All clowns gathered before exiting. The squares emptied rapidly. Suddenly, a large hand placed itself on your thigh. The fingers slide into the inner side of your leg and gently pressed themselves into your flesh. "Thank you, beautiful" the deep voice whispered softly in your ear. Goosebumps appeared over your entire body and you released a pleasant sigh. Your ear became so hot that it was barely noticeable. The red lips of the clown easily brushed your ear and made you stare. "You turned my negative thoughts into some .. lets see how I should put it .. pretty" amusing "ones .." You could feel him grinning on your ear and starting to laugh softly. You recognized the laughter, even if it was only short. It was the laugh from Murray's show. The laughter of the man you were protecting. But this laugh, which now escaped his lips, reflected the madness of his soul. You liked it, you liked it a weird way, very much. He removed his face from your ear and looked you in the eyes for a few seconds. You could feel his hot breath on your lips. You may have been apart at one fingertip. His eyes fixed on your lips. Slowly you lowered your eyelids, so that they were only half open. It felt like an eternity until it happened, but finally he put his lips on yours. Nothing. There was nothing more than the overwhelming feeling in you. And the desire not to stop. But after your lips were touched briefly, the artificial voices made another announcement: "Step away, the doors are closing." He looked back hastily, took a few steps back and left the wagon. "Dont miss me too much (Y/N)" He licked his lips briefly and laughed a little louder. Him knowing your name made your heart skip a beat. But it also gave you the most sincere smile since a long time. 

When the train left the weird feeling remained in your entire body. Your eyes followed him until the last moment. "Too late .." you gave back as a late reply.

                 One little taste already made you went crazy for him

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[troubleisfree]

this is going to be like a very long, detailed, and mostly my personal observations and notes. as it was my first time seeing neymar and the brazil nt in person, i want to remember everything i can while its still fresh. it was a very exciting and at the same time surreal experience because i see those people all the time on tv games and now there they were few feet away from me...

i took the photos and videos. i am usually pretty good at that but i guess the excitement got the better of me because they did not come out fabulous. tumblr is being stupid with not letting me upload more then one video in a post, and i wanted everything together, so i ended up putting them up on youtube.

the hotel 9/3/2018.

so first i went to the hotel (very close to where i live) on monday 9/3. as it was labor day, i was off work and at a bbq/pool party abt 10 miles from home for the day. brazil nt was scheduled to leave the hotel for their first training at 4pm so i left the party early and, after some traffic drama, made it to the hotel little after 3.40pm. there were not too many people so i had a decent view but i also moved around a bit. some of the support staff was coming out already. a few minutes later, firmino was the first i saw, he waved and went straight to the bus.

then a group of marquinhos, douglas costa, fabinho etc came out together. only marquinhos paid any attention to the fans, waving and smiling but didnt stop.

then another group, including casemiro.

then alisson came out. he was really sweet, smiled, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. interacted the most of anyone else with the fans. 

then another group - i think richarlison (idk him really), filipe luis, thiago silva. thiago was just as nice as alisson, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. he looked to me a bit shorter irl then on tv...

willian came out alone next.

at this point, it was almost 4pm, my excitement had totally built up and i was so anxious to see my boy ney. i started thinking that maybe he will get there separately cuz i hadnt seen coutinho and tite either. but there he was! coming out last with barely a minute to spare before 4pm (the timestamp on my photo is 3:58:59pm lol). he was the very last one to come out, chewing on something, with his typical swagger. he waved but didnt stop and the bus left as soon as he got on. he looked just as hot in person as on tv, the cameras dont lie lol. really handsome and very very sexy! i mean, i expected it, i have seen his photos lol but omg he looks so damn good you cant help those dirty thoughts! i felt like an absolute fangirl! this is neither here or there, but he looked to me a little bigger then i expected. just kinda...fuller?

i only took one photo of him cuz i wanted to look at him with my own eyes rather than thru the camera ;)

it was such an incredible experience seeing neymar and the rest of the guys in person so close that i was shaking after! like for real my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking. and i couldnt stop grinning for a good half an hour after. i went to the boardwalk to calm down a bit and just absorb the experience. people passing by probably thought im crazy or reading love letters on my phone or something cuz i just couldnt stop grinning but i didnt give a flying fuck what they were thinking - i had just seen neymar!

my notes and impressions:

1. OMFG I SAW NEYMAR FROM FEW FEET AWAY. just that, my brain was really way too frazzled to process any other impressions lol

the game 9/7/2018

so after some c. drama, despite my initial hopes, i had accepted that i am not going to go to the game. and then the day before i find out I AM GOING!!! i was so freaked out with excitement lol!!!

getting there was so frustrating! first i had forgot to charge my phone before leaving work so i only had like 30% which was nowhere near good enough for my plans of copious pics and vids. so i had to run into a bodega to buy a charger for the car. then for some complicated reason we had to leave from the ues and fucking DRIVE. crosstown. on a friday. at 6pm. straight thru freakin time square with its gazillion tourists. on top of rush hour. even though the schedule said 8pm, the tickets said the event starts at 7.30 and i wanted to be there early to see the warmups and at 7.02 we were still not even inside lincoln tunnel ffs! i was FUMING and ready to jump outta the car and start yelling at the other cars to get a goddamn fucking move on i got places to be people to see! just ugh. so frustrating. the only upside of taking so long to get to the stadium was that by the time we got there my phone was almost 100%...

anyway, finally at 7.25pm we got there and thru all the checks etc (my joke of a miniature purse was shown as an example to another girl with a slightly bigger purse and praised by security for being perfect size which pissed me off because of their dumbass rules it had is smaller then my regular WALLET ffs and it barely even fits my phone so in no way is it a ‘perfect size’ except maybe for dolls or tiny aliens. but they had the stupid clear bag / tiny purse rule in effect and all i cared at that point was getting in so whatever. still, fucking terrorists. obviously also for more important reasons than just being the cause of my having to have a tiny purse but yeah fucking terrorists). 

the stadium was buzzing already. apparently the 7.30 start was for the warmups so perfect for me. this was the view from our seats.

when we got to our seats, the usa team was out already. and the canarinho was interacting with fans. and then brazil came out. 

ney was warming up with coutinho

after stretches, he did some practice shooting. this one didnt go in.

after that the team went back inside and the canarinho came behind the barriers to interact with the fans (photo below especially taken for a.)

time for the teams to come out. for some reason the tunnel was on my side of the stadium but the benches were on the other side and they lined up there for the anthems. (again, for a.)

then the us anthem and, since we dont do things here on a small scale, the flag rolled out was the size of the whole stadium lol

in the first half neymar was playing in front of me. in the beginning of the game i took a few photos and then i stopped because i wanted to watch the game and see with my own eyes not concentrate on the phone... still, here they are

here is the penalty. i didnt catch it go in because i was looking at it happening rather then my phone. i also removed the sound cuz there was screaming when it went in lol. it was a VERY soft penalty btw...

my notes and impressions:

1. it was a friendly so not surprisingly, it was not an edge-of-your-seat game. still brazil dominated the crap out of the usa team. the difference in class and quality was glaringly obvious.

2. it was strange not supporting my country’s team. but only when i thought about it. otherwise my soccering heart belongs to brazil 100%, without a doubt.

3. watching a game live vs tv: both have pros and cons. again, after watching every week on tv, seeing these guys live in person is simply incredible. just absolutely surreal. like, they are moving, running, kicking right in front of you. you can hear the ball being kicked. feel the tension. see what they are doing without the ball. watch their interactions away from the camera. feel the power of the crowd. its just so much more immersive. at the same time, watching at home the curated game content is... convenient. you get closeups. you get facts from the commentators. your bathroom is nearby (i did carefully time my liquid intake that day to avoid venturing into stadium bathrooms and thank god it worked lol). so imo, watching a game on tv is not really that much worse then watching it live. i always felt like i am getting a completely filtered version on tv and it is filtered but it is not horrible. yes, you are missing out on stuff but its not a total loss.

4. the stadium was about 40% full, 32k of 82k capacity. but it felt more like 2/3, probably because on the other side many sections were not even open so most everyone attending was spread out in one long side and the two goal sides.

5. brazil fans were out strong! i’d say about 70% of the people were brazil fans, and of those about 90% had on brazil jerseys. yellow galore lol. the usa fans were constantly chanting but when the brazil fans decided to make the effort they drowned them out easily and completely!

6. the usa fans were in the section behind one of the goals. throughout most of the game i thought oh cute they are constantly singing their hearts out supporting their clearly outplayed loosing team. then they did iceland’s viking chant. yes, it is a cool chant but its iceland’s. idk why so many have been plagiarizing it! first portugal did it in the wc, then i saw another, and now the american outlaws (the usa ultras)... let iceland have its thing people. i did not appreciate it but no big deal. BUT then they did something that pissed me off - few minutes before neymar was substituted in the 80 min they chanted fuck neymar. i was not best pleased to say the least! lick sweaty balls jealous motherfuckers!

7. we did a wave that went around the stadium like 4 times!

8. there was a small group of 13-14yo girls right behind us that whenever ney touched the ball or looked our way screamed ‘neymaaaarrr, neymaaaaarrrrrrrr, vaiiiiiii, vai neymaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’. one girl in particular was especially shrill and vociferous in her dedication to ney. no sense of decorum whatsoever lol. my bf was smirking at me and was like why dont you go sit with them. i on the other hand was thinking that while i wouldnt go sit with them, if some of my tumblr girls were here.... well those girls wouldnt even know what hit them!

9. i would definitely go to a game again! 

10. while the seats we had were really good, i wish there was an option to be even closer and still see the whole pitch. then again, for me it would probably only qualify as ‘close enough’ if im allowed to run along the sidelines lol. but then i wont really be able to watch the game. (hey maybe i can hang from the skycam hahaaaa!). yes, i am a neymar fan but i am also a fan of the game so i want both. i did not have any input in the choice of these seats but i think it was a good trade off - the closest where you can both see the guys and actual game. if i have to pick the tickets for the next game (hopefully i will go again some time!), i would be tempted by the lower levels but the barriers are pretty high so... i would probably go for the same - second level first row.

11. there was a guy sitting next to me with his date and he was trying to be all knowledgeable and impress the girl but half the stuff he was telling her was wrong lol! he kept pointing to douglas costa and telling her its firmino. i was cracking myself up listening to him talk complete bullshit but with such grand authority about technical game stuff.

12. at some point a loose ball ended up into the stands, some guy caught it, and 2 min later security came to take it away from him :/ why not let the guy just keep the ball?!? stupid. if it was me, i’d have made a fuss, maybe pretended that it hit me in the face and threatened to sue the stadium cuz they have not ensured the spectators’ safety or some such crap lol. see if they dont let me keep it to avoid a lawsuit.

13. the canarinho (for a.) - he was really great! interacting with the fans, dancing, hugging fans. really a fantastic mascot and absolute joy to watch! during the halftime he was out on the pitch, doing keepie uppies (in those shoes too!!! showing his brazilianness lol), and kicking balls into the stands

14. i was totally impressed by neymar. it was just so obvious how good he is and no, not because i am biased, which i admittedly am. i expected him to be good, duh, but to see it so clearly was amazing. he is not a fluke, he is the real deal. he stands out among even such quality peers as the rest of brazil nt! just something in the way he interacts with the ball, the way he moves, ‘sees’ his teammates without looking, turns on a dime, does the unexpected. i dont think he ‘thinks’ or ‘calculates’ at all his moves or that it is just a lot of practice, i think it is pure instinct in the moment, i.e. phenomenal natural talent. even though this was not one of his greatest games for sure, he just looked... special and different from the rest. most of the brazil players were displaying their clearly high quality but there is just something unique in the way neymar plays. even if you dont know who he is, what teams are playing, anything at all, you’d still pick him out and know that there is something extraordinary about this guy. if you unfocus your eyes so you see just all same yellow shirt figures, you would still be able to pick out which one is neymar. he did a bit of his skills and tricks and of course i wished he had done more. what i took away from watching him play live was that, in this average game, he looked as good playing live as he has in the past when i have watched his great games on tv. i dont know why. but watching neymar play live was an experience of its own. it felt like his average ‘live’ performance is as good as his great ‘tv’. i cant even imagine what it would be like watching one of his great performances live. while i dont feel im loosing so much watching games on tv vs live as mentioned above, i definitely feel that watching neymar in particular play live is on another level and im missing out when i watch him on tv instead of live. he is absolutely worth the price of admission. i was so disappointed in him for his wc antics but thats in the past now, and i have been reminded how right it feels to be his fan, not just for the nice things he does for kids/charity, his fun personality (and lets not forget the good looks, and oh boy they are SO GOOD lol) but his undeniably outstanding talent on the pitch. his game is just incredible. i hope he keeps healthy. i hope he gets his temper under control not just for a few games but for good. and i pray he always has the freedom to shine like he rightfully can. i am rooting for him to get the appreciation and acknowledgement he deserves, unadulterated by behavioral issues or personal drama.

ok, imma stop now. this post is huge, even by my standards. 

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK U GUYS SHOULD I BUY ALL THE KINDGOM HEARTS IN A ONCENESS???

Holy jesus i knew they did hd ps4 ports of the playstation games but they ALSO added all the final mix content that engkishspeaking fans never got during my childhood? And they ALSO remade chain of memories entireky in 3d with Very Animated Ice Dad?? And they ALSO remade BBS despite it not needing it nearly as much as the old games and thet ALSO remade friggin dream drop distance which came out on a goddamn current gen console?? Like they seriously just made a non portable version?? Now all the spinoffs are on the same console at last?? Why did you not just do this in the first place?? I mean the psp and 3ds games were basically ps2 equivelant graphics and disc space anyway...

Oh and fuckin ALLLLSOOOOO

Also the final mixes of all of those! Also a movie version of the plot of khux! And also Coded and Days, which is a really big shame cos Coded is indeed sparse enough on content to deserve it but Days was my FAVOURITE GAME and it sucks its the only one that didnt get remade! I mean its in the same spinoff category as bbs and com, its not a cheapo mess like coded. Nothing else in the series deserves to be shoved in the Coded bin, even khux at least has better plot even if the backtracking and lootbox shit makes it harder to get to it...

Anyway ALSO a random new sidestory with Aqua going thru like one dungeon or somethin?? I dunno?? Its like a glorified tech demo for kh3, its just 'hey fuckin look what we can do visually on a proper ps4 game' and wow how have i never fuckin heard of this it looks so pretty!! I mean i dont know if its even more than 5 hours or somethin but.. Pretty!! And apparantly you get unlockable costumes for her or somethin? I hope they keep that feature in kh3! Itd rock if it wasnt just the main character too, and we could dress up riku and kairi and goofy and donald and roxas and axel and every the friends :3 new secret to how they defeat xehanort: slap a bow on his damn head

ALSO ALSO

All of this is available in one big bundle pack for £90 which ALSO contains literally kh3. THIS IS HOW THEYRE HANDLING PREORDERS?? THATS SUCH A GOOD WAY TO HANDLE PREORDERS!! Get a discounted price on this new game but while youre waiting for it you get to enjoy an (also discounted) giant fuckin 300 hours memory lane compilation of every damn thing from the last 15 years in one beautiful updated package. Holy fuck its like they made this for ME SPECIFICALLY!this is the perfect way to get people back into the franchise who dropped off in The Great KH3 Wait cos they couldnt afford all the damn million portables needed to gather that Dank Lore. God fuckin hell it cost more than the price of this bundle just to play any one of those games individually on some stupid retro machine i bought exclusively for that one damn game. THAT PSP STILL ROTS IN MY KITCHEN CUPBOARD YO

So

So so so so so

Guys

Please give me permission to buy this

Or like please convince me not to waste my money if you think i'd waste my money??

I really just DONT KNOW! ive been out of the fandom for so long and my last experience was really hatting BBS and feeling horribly out of place as everyone else raved about it being the best thing ever. And i know NOTHING about what kh3 is gonna be or whether its even possible for me to get back into the fandom and like.. Care about it at all again. I just got fuckin fatigued with it and my teenage years were like me clinging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails begging everyone to believe me that Its Still Good, Honestly, Its Worth It while square enix is up there all LONG LIVE THE KING and they push me off. Into a stampede of PSPs. Somehow.

And then aaargh i know i literally only came back to the fandom because organization xiii fuckin eternally holds my heart in their lil grabby hands. It was indeed a good nostalgic moment remembering how i loved them! And getting a new appreciation for Vexen and being blown away by how much he should have been my favourite but i just never got to play COM as a kid and then when i played it as an adult all the way after bbs i ended up quitting before even getting to meet half the org cos this one stupid 'defeat 99 shadows jn 99 seconds' mission kicked my ass. I'M JUST NOT GOOD AT ACTION RPGS OKAY!

Aaaagh thats another Big Worry, yknow? Like asa kid i was Bad, as an adult i'm Barely Better , and as a both i never enjoyed beat em up thingies of any kind at all. And on top of that i was never big into disney, i never saw them as any sort of 'childhood magic' but just some naff cliche shit retelling public domain fairy tales in the safest way possible with a bunch of obnoxious celebrity cameos. Also lion king and snow white terrified me as a kid. Also i associated robin hood with my dead grandma. Also as a kid i couldnt appreciate good artistic ability or voiceacting, i was all about the story, yknow? And most of kh's adaptations are really rushed and barebones versions of an already shoddy story, without any of the visual splendor. ALSO i never saw any of the darker or more emotionally focused stuff like Hunchback and Beauty and the Beast until way after i quit playing kingdom hearts, oddly enough. Wtf beauty and thebeast is actually real good and looks so far beyond its time!! Wtf hunchback has my goddamn evil dad in it!! Why did i miss the only good didneys!! Why did snow white traumatize me and those didnt!!

ANYWAY the point im getting at is that im not inherantly predisposed to like.. Any of kingdom hearts's appeal at all. I didnt know half the disneys and i didnt have any hype for the others. None of my fave final fantasy games made it into it until the sequel and then never again after that. CMON I CANT JUST DEAL WITH ONE VIVI CAMEO Y'ALL! And i haaaate the genre and its an uphill struggle to play a game like that with my stupid inelegant sausage hands. So i just came for the story and then everything after the first game has been conspiring to ruin it for me, sheesh! I felt so much for that short concise self contained first episode and then i fall more and more out of love as they establish this status quo of everything being retconnable so dont bother get attatched to it. Blablabla the entire worldbuilding is different now and everyone was secretly someone else and please memorize a bunch of shit from fifty fuckin spinoffs and also time travel and cloning suddenly exist and ALSO Grandpa Onlyblackmanintheworld is generic motiveless evil and everything was him even of it looked like it was actually a sympathetic villain. *insert dio meme face*

So yeah now im just.. In it for the characters?? And the cute art style and monsters and lovely animations and big fanfic oc potentials stuff. But man even tho i had Big Feel for those things i was able to completely drop it all and forget about the series for years, that was just HOW BAD the kh3 drought was. Steven universe hiatus eat your heart out...

So ffff i dont even KNOW if i'll be able to get feels'd for these characters again or if they actually hold up to modern bunni standards of huggable. And i know all the ones i want to hug the most got like zero sympathy and all died horribly and were also retroactively revealed to be clone oldmanvirus somethingy and aaaaaagh. But also something something people say they all came back and got cured?? And this is why?? I am here?? Again?? And buying?? The thing??

Like man fuck i am already building it up so much in my head aaaa what if i dont actually love axel as much as i used to love axel and i dont love Grumply Science as much as i always love That Character Archetype seriously MAN how was he like THE ONLY ONE I DIDNT GET TO SEE AS A KID

Aaauuuuaggh gahhh like maybe this will reignite my passion for the series or maybe i'll just be all critical and dumb and waste all my moneys

Guys... What do??

[princehadesss]

I listened to everything you told me for a year and a half but your actions never really lined up with it. Youd promise we'd do things, promise youd do things, promise you felt a certain way and promised there were things youd never do and you've lied almost every other time.

Where's the tv shows we were gonna watch together?

Where's the effort you were gonna put in, the pride you were gonna show in me, the respect, the defence?

Where's the love you said you felt? Or how happy you said you were with me?

How's the "Im not going to break up with you" going? (2 days before you did)

How did the not going to cheat on me go?

Most importantly though, the first thing I asked, the first thing I made you promise before we even started. The main thing I said was important to me in a relationship because if my previous bad experiences;

How did the "I wont lie to you" go?

Not if youre angry

Not if toure scared

And

NEVER to protect my feelings.

What happened to you?

Did the version of you I saw ever fucking exist? We can't pretend this is a recent thing. All of the broken promises and lies were becoming too much and it just took me too long to see it.

Is it a coincidence that as soon as I started sticking up for myself in the relationship you ran? Were my friends right and you just wanted someone to make you feel good that you could walk all over? Are you as manipulative as these people are making you out to be?

I've never been able to see it but I guess that was my downfall.

I thought I had finally found someone that understood and didnt want to hurt me so I felt safe and didnt feel like I had to worry, even towards the end I trusted your word.

Back to square one.

Trust issues all over again, maybe worse now because at least in past relationship i saw it easier but dealt with it because I had poor self esteem but with you I trusted you to the ends of the earth and you still did all this with no warning.

This is still going to be my summer, you cant take that from me. I will not let anyone stand in my way of being happy this time.

No more waiting

Im reaching out and Im taking it and when I am actually fucking able to function in a relationship again without crying at the thought of letting someone else in, you bet your fucking ass Im taking it because I am done waiting on you to realise that;

I deserve to be loved too

I DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED

I DESERVE TO GET WHAT I GIVE

And

I

Am

Fucking

Husband

Material.

You should've held in while you had the chance hun cause I date for life and youll be watching me with someone one day wishing they were you.

Unwritten letter from me to her 2021

[wannaonestars]

the little mermaid au! ong seongwoo

the following scenario is based on the traditional storyline. please keep note that there are many different versions of the story, and not just the disney one.

ok so you’re the mermaid/merman (your preference) who adores humans bc like it’s so cool they have legs?? the idea of having legs and being on land just FASCINATES you and you’re sneaking around the shores to watch humans

and one day you’re just swimming on the surface and saying hi to the cute seagulls when you notice the sky turning dark and the clouds getting shady so like it was basically time to go

but just then you notice a ship floating like nowhere cLOSE to the shore

even though mermaids were always called a myth and you’d get chewed out if anyone saw ur tail you’re like…I need to save them >:((

and so you swim over to save the poor souls when suddenly rain just started POURING and the winds picked up out of nowhere and then you saw a body fall into the sea

you’re like oh shIT and suddenly accelerated in water to save the poor soul

you eventually find him and you get rly alarmed bc he isn’t struggling or anything he’s just kinda lifelessly sinking

you grab him and basically turn into an underwater jet bc you’d never swam so fast no not even when your mermaid mom told you dinner was ready

getting him to shore was so difficult because 1) the human was heavy and 2) you had no legs so you had to crawl to get far enough onto land

the dude (seongwoo if y’all didn’t realize yet) still wasn’t moving and you were panicking like??? he shouldn’t be dead yet

you do the mermaid version of cpr which was to….press your lips against his to suck all the seawater out of him

a minute later you start getting dizzy because you’re getting too dry so you had to crawl back into the sea…and you proceed to go back home but you just…couldn’t get that man out of your head….

meanwhile a princess from a different country visiting seongwoo’s found him collapsed on the beach and shook him awake and seongwoo’s like…what happened??

let’s call the princess rika like that snake from mystic messenger

anywaYS

rika told him that she “”saved”” him from drowning and he’s like…oh and that’s what she ends up telling the his father aka the KING and rumors spread around the palace like crazy like everyone was like damn they probably gonna get married now

meanwhile on yOUR END you were swimming towards the sea witch’s domain to ask for a pair of legs because after being on land and feeling the frustrations of being unable to stay for too long you REALLY wanted to become a human

the sea witch asks for your voice in exchange which was…a huge price

your singing is like the only thing that anyone’s ever praised you for so giving it up would be the same as tossing away half of your identity but…u know what, in the human world no one’s gonna know u anyway  

so she casts a spell and gives you the legs u wanted and then shoots u out of the sea

after you get to shore and struggle to get the hang of walking for like 7 hours you pick up some rags to cover yourself bc that stupid witch didn’t give u any clothes

you just want to explore the village and ur getting looks bc wtf ur wearing some dirty rags with sand all over and wobbling like jello but u don’t rly care

suddenly you find a boy aka sEONGWOO in a quiet part of the area just…dancing and you were like!!! oh my gOD that’s amazing how can his legs and arms move like that…

and without thinking you start…singing a melody to go along with his movements and seongwoo snaps his head around and is like??? holy moly what but a split second later he breaks out into this wide grin and just keeps dancing and going along to your wordless song with a contemporary style

you’re a little weirded out urself bc weren’t u supposed to lose your voice??

the witch from her chamber: SHIT I FUCKED THE SPELL UP

anyways ur like lol whatever my win and when u end your song seongwoo approaches you and is like…hey, who are you?

let’s pause for a second and imagine seongwoo with a long sleeved white collared shirt with the first few buttons not buttoned and like windswept black hair

anyways ur like holy triton he’s hot and you tell him your name and he starts questioning where u live and stuff and why you’re dressed like this and when you’re unable to give him a proper answer he’s like…hey do you wanna come with me? bc he figures that you might be an abandoned child

he smiles that prINCELY smile of his and says “you sing really well. i’d love to have a performance with you again.”

and then he calls his horse over to give you a ride back to the palace

listen…if u thought seongwoo driving a car was good pls imagine prince seongwoo riding a horse

when you guys get to the palace rika dASHES towards seongwoo and swallows him into a hug and you’re both like?????

rika: bABE!!! father agreed to our marriage!!!!!!!!!

seongwoo: what

rika: it’s in two months!!!!!!!!!

seongwoo: wHAT

he’s so confused because his father literally nEVER discussed this with him and then a few seconds later when he finally understood the situation he immediately pushes rika off and sprints to his father’s study to argue

seongwoo: father?? why am I suddenly hearing news of marriage????

father: well, she did save you from drowning

seongwoo: I doubt it wtf her clothes weren’t even WET…like the most she could’ve done was shake me awake dad

father: ridiculous. I believe her claims like i’ve known her for three dayS seongwoo that’s enough for me to be able to tell that she’s an angel >:0. you’re already a young adult my son you need to find a partner soon so unless you can find a better option than rika then this marriage is gonna continue.

ten minutes later seongwoo comes out upset and annoyed and without saying anything else he just leaves for his room

you follow him bc like :((( poor bab. his door wasn’t locked so you just enter and ask if he’s okay

seongwoo smiles a little and just says “yeah…” but you knew he wasn’t

you: hey…it’s okay to talk to me about it

and tbh??? you’re literally the first person who’s ever shown any hint of genuine care for him without any motives…all seongwoo remembered from his childhood was getting spoiled silly because no one dared to get on the king’s bad side

and he tells you how he’s frustrated with all these decisions getting made for him and that he has absolutely no interest in an arranged marriage with someone who he doesn’t even know and for a whole half of hour he kinda just spills to you his entire childhood and the little things that he had been annoyed with but never had anyone to tell

and then he just exhales bc like that was sO much that he just dumped on you…and this is the point in which seongwoo unconsciously develops a special bond with you

and then he lets out a little laugh and ruffles your hair and is like lol sorry…let’s get you some decent clothes to try on ok? and he calls some maids over to get ur shit together

while changing into these weird (BUT EXTREMELY PRETTY) new clothes you realize that he was the boy you saved…but who would believe you?? you couldn’t be like hey guess what i’m the mermaid who saved u but i became a human last night

like the ppl here seem stupid but not that stupid

when you meet seongwoo again at the balcony with your combed hair and pretty clothes seongwoo was like oh my god…..they look gorgeous

he didnt say that tho like this is still ong mcongity the ongth ongster seongwoo

so he just winks and said “you’re gorgeous but….well, now ur next to me buddy ;)”

you shove him a lil and he laughs and then he asks u if you could sing for him again

and he just dances to your music all night long with an expression of pure bliss and at some point he grabs your hands and makes you dance with him hehe

cue ur dumb mermaid butt falling and tripping like 99 times but seongwoo enjoys it so much that he just laughs and pretends to fall with you

the next few days is just you and seongwoo singing and dancing like whenever y'all pass by each other in the hallways he makes the uGLIEST expression and just moves his arms and legs like an octopus and that always makes you giggle so hard bc that actually reminds u of ur octopus friends fredrick and joseph back at sea

he didn’t give a flying flick about wedding preparations and always avoided talking about it by grabbing you and fleeing to the town square to perform in front of whoever wanted to watch

rika always got livid whenever she hears that both the prince and u disappeared and would stay up as late as she could to “talk about it with her future husband” but u know what seongwoo doesn’t give a flying flick about her either so it’s just “yeah yeah” before he leaves again

you two get so much recognition and love from the townspeople they’re adore the performances so much and just get drawn to y’all like they’re in a trance

it’s so much fun!! some people even joke that u two are perfect for each other lmao

seongwoo: folds his ears to hide the blushing red tips

and then it gets to the point where!!! the king!!!!! asks you two to perform for the visiting countries!!!!!!!!!

it’s such an honor but honestly you feel so pressured bc like what if your voice cracks???? but seongwoo notices your nervousness quickly and so he walks over and grabs your hands and squeezes them and just says

“i believe in you.”

and your heart just MELTS bc…seongwoo had the softest and most gentle look on his face when he said that

“i really, truly, absolutely, definitely, totally—”

“stop,,,,right there,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,” like dammit seongwoo DONT RUIN THE MOMENT

and then he takes your hand in a much more elegant manner and leads you onto the dance floor…where the two of you perform with every fiber of your being

once your song and his dance and the thunderous applause ends seongwoo turns to you with this grin that stretches across from one end of his face to the other and u rly can’t resist smiling back as widely as he is

a short while later you two are at the balcony again laughing about stuff when suddenly seongwoo goes “you know…I really wish that this could go on forever…like, just you and i dancing and singing together until my bones break”

you don’t know what to say to that bc his expression is so serious like he doesn’t look like the usual joking dude who eats ur slice of pizza when ur not looking

and suddenly u feel seongwoo leaning closer to you….like his face is INCHES away from yours and u can feel his breath on your skin…….

“if you agree to it…i can ask my father to stop the wedding so that….you and i can be together instead…”

you’re like sweating right now bc??? what is he saying???? and for a few seconds you can’t tell whether that loud thumping sound was coming from your chest or his

“you’re the first person who i’ve been able to confide in and talk to…I don’t care what your background is, I—actually, what am I saying haha this is embarrassing, never mind—”

“yes”

his eyes pop wide open and he’s like??? what?????

you make this embarrassed lil smile and just go,,, “i’m willing to spend the rest of my life with you, ong seongwoo.”

seongwoo’s entire body just flares up and this burst of joy EXPLODES within him and he’s absolutely unable to contain it so he suddenly pulls you into a bear hug and spins you around and around

and he’s laughing like…after over twenty years of being treated like a he could never be a normal person and enduring the fake kindness being thrown at him for self benefit he finally found happiness and it’s honestly the BEST feeling that he’s ever experienced

and you’re laughing while in his arms but the you suddenly say “"hey…but what if i’m a mermaid?”

he almost drops u like wHAT

but then a second later his wits take over bc hey he’s ong mcongity the ongth ongster seongwoo

and he makes this playful grin and is like “it was my childhood dream to marry a mermaid”

this is probs gonna be like the longest scenario I ever write… anyways, thank for reading this far LOL I hope you liked it!! this is probably 100 times more cliche and stupid than it already was in my head but lmfao i’ve always kinda wanted to put twists in original fairy tales. maybe i’ll do this for other members? idk, we’ll see how much inspiration I can get ٩( ᐛ )و 

[blockcastcc]

For five hours, all of Twitter became Crypto Twitter.

Yesterday, one of the biggest digital hacks in recent memory went down. A hacker, likely a Bitcoiner, gained access to Twitter’s administrative functions and began a crypto-scam campaign. Some of the world’s most notable accounts on the site started offering to double their investments if they sent funds to a Bitcoin wallet. 

It’s the type of scummy behavior that Twitter promised to address back in 2018. A federal examination is likely. So, too, is a permanent stain on Twitter’s reputation. What’s unknown is how this incident will affect perceptions of Bitcoin, blockchain and the crypto space, which is once again thrown into the news cycle for all the wrong reasons.

Click here for CoinDesk’s full coverage of the Twitter hack.

CoinDesk convened a panel of experts to discuss what the long and short term consequences of this scandal may be for crypto, and whether it’s a watershed moment to finally decentralize our social media. 

Anil Lulla co-founded Delphi Digital, a research and consultancy firm specializing in crypto assets

Donna Redel is board member at New York Angels, an angel investment firm and frequent speaker on the crypto conference circuit

Steve McKie founded the venture capital firm Amentum and build a Handshake compatible web browser in his free time

Brekkie Von Bitcoin – A crypto influencer of sorts, Brekkie is known for relentlessly advocating for the coin

Matt Hill is CEO of Start9 Labs and an advocate for digital sovereignty

Vinay Gupta, inventor of the Hexayurt, is now pursuing the radical startup Mattereum, which is attempting to create a digital twin for all physical items, so humanity can better manage and distribute increasingly scarce natural resources.

Their responses have been edited and condensed. 

Will this increase the attention to bitcoin be good for crypto in general? Or will this attack/taint the image of bitcoin? 

Lulla: I believe there are some positive benefits to Bitcoin. Anyone who works in crypto got messages from friends and family asking what the scam is all about. They were curious to know when they saw the word Bitcoin on TV. So maybe this is an opportunity for us to explain how Bitcoin works. We can outline that this isn’t a Bitcoin scam and it was not hacked; Twitter got hacked. Obviously it is going to increase attention, though whether that’s good or bad is up in the air. These little things shouldn’t really affect the fundamentals of Bitcoin. 

See also: Jack Dorsey: Mass Crypto Adoption Will Transform Square’s Business

Redel: From my perspective, the short term and long term impact on Bitcoin from this hack is irrelevant since the emphasis should be on the illegal activity and breach of security. Twitter should be concerned about it’s short term and long term reputation.

McKie: I think it’s not going to bring much attention to Bitcoin, aside from the general discourse for the next week or two. There’s just so much going on.

Von Bitcoin: As someone who believes that Bitcoin is our best shot at a more prosperous future for everyone… I’m personally only concerned on whether the increased media attention is good for Bitcoin, not crypto in general. But at this stage, I think the adage still holds that all press is good press for Bitcoin.

Hill: The increased attention to Bitcoin might be good for crypto prices in general, but no amount of attention is going to save most of the projects out there from total collapse.

Gupta: It’ll be a few stories about bitcoin in the papers, but I don’t think it’ll spur adoption.

Will this reinforce existing biases against crypto being associated with criminals?

Lulla: This is a wider topic. People have predetermined biases. Most people in the space by now have been open minded enough to understand this. Of course there’s always gonna be a subset of people who always look for information that will always support their biases or their positions. But at the end of the day I don’t think it fundamentally changes anything. It really hasn’t changed anything so far. 

McKie: I don’t really think anyone will care. It’s Bitcoin. It doesn’t do anything to make it more infamous for those that already didn’t like it. 

See also: Crypto Criminals Have Already Stolen $1.4B in 2020, Says CipherTrace

Von Bitcoin: Well, it didn’t do us any favors with regards to that common bias. There are already plenty of people calling this a “Bitcoin Hack,” when obviously that is not the case at all. I am hopeful though that the fallout will be limited. Take this personal anecdote for what it is, but yesterday I spoke to my father about the hack, and despite the fact that his knowledge of Bitcoin is limited, he understood that the criminals were merely using Bitcoin, and that Bitcoin itself hadn’t been hacked. 

Hill: For some, yes. But I think most people are smart enough to know there were plenty of criminals before crypto.

Gupta: Yes, it’s a stuipd mess, and it’s going to be widely understood as a stupid mess – yet more fuel for the people who want to believe crypto is for scammers.

Could you speculate into the hacker’s motivations? 

Lulla: It’s still early to say because we’re still learning about what happened with the hack. Twitter is going to be really impacted by this because there’s gonna be a lot more scrutiny on how this happened and what exactly happened here. The whole motivation of the hacker was to get Bitcoin, but the damage could have been worse. 

Redel: First, the hack into people’s emails is an illegal activity. Secondly, the impersonation of individuals asking for transactions in bitcoin is simply another version of other illegal “scams” that ask people to send dollars to bank accounts or other locations.

See also: How to Spot a Crypto Scam

McKie: I’m not quite sure. They probably got access that they weren’t expecting and realized they had an opportunity and did something without planning. It’s really a test of why they didnt do anything with Donald Trump’s account, which would guarantee an immediate shutdown of whatever process they were exploiting. 

Von Bitcoin: Should I put my tin foil hat on before I answer? On the surface it seems like the hacker just wanted to steal bitcoin. As others have noted, the hack itself appeared very clumsy, but if that clumsiness was intentional… then there may have been an ulterior motive. Perhaps it was a bad actor with other vested interests trying to discredit Bitcoin or Twitter, but I think it’s too early to say.

Hill: I can only say what I hope their motivation was: to expose the fragility of centralized systems.

Gupta: Well, if the goal was to make money from a massive Twitter 0-day, I have to say there were probably more effective ways of doing it. I was really surprised there was no political messaging, either!

Is this a wake-up call to decentralize our communications systems? 

Gupta: Decentralized systems aren’t necessarily any more proofed against these kinds of exploits – protocol bugs are just as bad, when they occur.

McKie: I don’t think Twitter can do a damn thing. When you have internal social engineering by nefarious actors, taking advantage of admin tools that are there for a particular reason, that’s just the nature of a centralized organization. There’s employee churn, there’s a lot of varied levels of security and accountability, there’s absolutely nothing you can do. There’s no security organization, anywhere in the world, you could have paid to prevent this sort of internal attack. You just have to accept that. Does that build the case for decentralized web? Yeah, sure. But no one immediately will think that, except for the people already in our crypto echo chamber. 

See also: In Trump Versus Twitter, Decentralized Tech May Win

Lulla: People need to understand that Twitter got hacked – a centralized system got hacked. At the end, it is an issue with Twitter. It can take the shape of a wake up call for people. If this didn’t happen for instance there might be some people in the world who would never even imagine a situation like this. This is adding support for our community rights and decentralized systems of communication. 

Redel: Safeguarding privacy is important and should be a high priority for all.

Von Bitcoin: At the very least it’s a wake-up call about vulnerabilities, and I think that Twitter is already taking it very seriously. Jack has hinted at wanting to decentralize Twitter, so I imagine this event might fast track those plans. Unfortunately there is a chicken and egg problem with trying to decentralize communications, and frankly for some use cases, centralization means a more efficient system. 

Hill: It is yet another wake up call. And like most wakeup calls, it will be greeted with a snooze button and a growing sense of anxiety.

Disclosure

The leader in blockchain news, CoinDesk is a media outlet that strives for the highest journalistic standards and abides by a strict set of editorial policies. CoinDesk is an independent operating subsidiary of Digital Currency Group, which invests in cryptocurrencies and blockchain startups.

Go to Source

Image Credit: Refer to Source Author: Refer to Source Vinamrata Chaturvedi

[introvert-dragon]

Hiccupy heart (Chapter 3)

Summary: It didn’t matter that Hiccup and Astrid used to be best friends, somewhere in grade school or middle school, back when life used to be fun, with him having plus one leg and one mother, before everyone hit their growth spurt. Until Hiccup finally got his soul mark; And guess who’s name was it? Astrid Hofferson. Soul mate AU.

Previous Chapter | FF.net | Ao3

A/N: An Update in a week!? I did it!

It’s all thanks to your awesome support guys. Keep em’ coming! Even though I got only 1/3rd views compared to the first chapter - you guys are still awesome.

Without further ado,

(No beta for this chapter, watch out for errors.)

It took him all weekend, but Hiccup finally had a plan in mind. A very simple and effective plan; Avoid Astrid Hofferson, in any form or kind (thoughts included), like a plague and eventually move on with the whole Astrid being his soul mate thing, that was it.

In theory, what could possibly go wrong? The less he saw her in his life, the fewer ideas would be getting on his head, that would likely end up with him embarking on another quest for Astrid Hofferson and Highschool Royalty.

With great effort, he managed to do just as he planned. Until Hiccup randomly craved for the cafeteria's infamous 'The Goethi's Soggy Fries' with special yak buttermilk dipping. So Hiccup decided to make a quick stop to the cafeteria before he headed home.

There shouldn't be a problem with that. From what he knew, there was still at least half an hour before Tennis Practice ended.

As soon as he arrived in the cafeteria though, there goes his plan. Astrid Hofferson was there sitting on her boyfriend's lap for all of the cafeteria to see.

That shouldn't be a problem for Hiccup, He simply needed to turn his head around and look the other way. But goddammit! His boyfriend seriously needed some lesson in public display of affection.

Hiccup could clearly see the annoyance showing in her perfect beaut... Astrid's face. He really needed to get a grip. He almost let himself worship her face, and oh my! Look at her freckles they're so– Gah! –and there goes his resolve.

Hiccup reminded himself that She always knew.

Something flared up inside him, the tip of his finger tingling unbearably, his fingers clawing on his palm. He wasn't sure if it was anger or jealousy.

It should have been him.

Astrid must have been feeling so good for herself, having a boyfriend who was a living embodiment of Jon Snow, only with a tattoo on his chin, but a little bit on the brainless side(which he was sure made things easier for her), who, was not a hiccup like him, who was supposedly her soul mate—Soul mate she didn't want. He was Eret son of fucking Eret. Hiccup could tell that Astrid probably... not probably— she definitely wished that the name on her wrist would have been Eret's not him.

Hiccup wondered if Astrid had started dating Eret before or after she got her soul mark. He wished it was the former; not that it mattered.

Hiccup watched as Eret's lips tried to go for Astrid's neck once again, but Astrid just elbowed the muscle-head hard on his ribs. Gods, Eret couldn't get a fucking clue.

Hiccup would have treated Astrid better, but he knew that Astrid was not someone who wanted to be taken care of. She was Astrid Hofferson. She always made clear that she was perfectly capable of herself, and she certainly proved that. In fact, she got hundreds of broken nose, and bones to attest that.

His breathing felt heavier as he felt something burning red in his chest. He didn't realize how hard his eyes were trained on the couple until his eyes met Astrid's for a split second. She diverted her gaze but Hiccup continued to glare as their eyes met again.

This time, Hiccup's resentment wasn't directed to her boyfriend. It was all on the owner of the name written on his left forearm, his 'so-called' soul mate.

Astrid flinched, she tried to hide it but he noticed and for a moment her eyes showed hints of mortification; He was probably imagining things.

Hiccup closed his eyes, breaking the gaze and breathed a long-drawn sigh to calm his drumming heart. He opened his eyes to meet hers again and suddenly felt his left forearm throbbed sharply, causing him to drop the extra large bucket of fries from his trembling hands.

Hiccup ran away with no particular destination in mind. He just needed to leave, anywhere away from Astrid. He just couldn't stand the sight of her ... It was too painful.

Unfortunately, being a one-legged man, he could only run so much and wasn't supposed to run like that in the first place. Pain, soreness, and cramp overcame his left leg—he needed to sit down, and check on it.

Then Astrid was there, standing near him, watching him with her eyes wide, filled with terror. Hiccup almost cowered at her gaze and wished to vanish without a trace from the universe.

No—He wasn't going to be defined by his stupid attraction to his soul mate anymore.

Hiccup took a deep breath and met Astrid's gaze with as much as courage he could muster. Without breaking the gaze, He stood up straight despite his left leg's protest, squared his shoulders, tucked his chin, and walked away with as much as dignity a one-legged man could.

But it was all an act, his refusal to appear weak in front of his soul mate. As soon as he got home, Hiccup didn't even bother changing his clothes as he went straight to his bed, burying himself in layers of pillows and blanket.

Hiccup found himself screaming in his bedroom, self-destructing for all he cared.

After he was done with his self-destruct sequence. Hiccup felt numb and tired in many ways, that he could do no more than stare at the ceiling of his room, while he contemplated his life.

Hiccup had tendencies to tunnel vision, not that he was a narrow-minded minded person. He was just 'too stubborn for his own good' quoting his father and Gobber. And that specific trait probably got him most of his trouble.

Unlike his father, who loved to remind him that 'When I was a boy... I knew what I was, what I had to become –blah blah blah and rest of the story–' and Oh boy... If Hiccup ever had to hear that story again, he might very well bang his head against the rock, probably and get a skull-crushing headache – but it would be totally worth it if he never had to hear that lecture from his father again.

He was rambling, again, even in his own mind. The point was when Hiccup set his mind on something; an objective, a crazy invention, or a very impossible teenage crush turned into first love. He won't stop at anything to achieve it, but... well, only most of it ended up in failure or trouble.

And for once in his life, Hiccup actually got something right. Astrid Hofferson was indeed his soul mate. It was not just his daydreams or fantasy anymore. It was a fact, with physical evidence etched in his own skin.

But this time, he knew when to stop. In most cases, the reason Hiccup could never stop was all because of his curious mind, and the teenage part of him wanting to prove something.

She always knew.

If Astrid always knew that he was her soul mate. And was very clear that she didn't want him to be her soul mate.

What was there to prove for him? So what now?

The wound was still fresh for him, and the 'Pull' was still there, only that he never felt the 'Pull' this powerful, only in a bad way. If before when he would as much as breathe the same air as Astrid – He would feel like oxygen was overrated. But now that he got his soul mark, it was as if his attraction for Astrid was now oxygen itself. And oxygen was no longer overrated. He was like a moth attracted to a beacon of flame even if he knew that it would burn him.

That was why he needed a plan to avoid Astrid, in any form and kind. Even if he could still manage to walk away from his soul mate every time, he could act dignified and strong in the presence of his soul mate his whole life. But–

But in the end...

Hiccup, with all of his heart, still loved Astrid Hofferson.

The whole realization was painful. It was impossible for him to get over all his feelings for his soul mate over a weekend. Not especially when his feeling, had a very strong legitimate root – thirteen years of friendship, followed by a whole high school of worship.

It was impossible. Hiccup would never get over her.

Hiccup needed to do something, anything at all. He needed to be somebody, someone – For himself. This time it was about his life and his alone.

He tried to visualize a much better version of him. Where Hiccup didn't had the need to prove himself, to his father, his soul mate... or even himself. Where he would have Thor's mighty hammer for his arm instead of his noodle arms, both of his legs, and maybe he could play a ball game, and people would accept him.

Wouldn't that be something, Hiccup thought.

Hiccup sighed, getting tired of staring at the ceiling. He let his head drop to his right, his eyes landing on his favorite flying dragon-rider poster.

The one with a one-legged hero flying with his one-tail-finned black dragon.

Flying...

Fly...

Fly. If only he could fly away from berk, leave the archipelago. And in that way, he was sure to avoid Astrid Hofferson that way.

An idea struck to his mind...

Maybe Hiccup could actually do that...

Didn't his father always wanted him to enroll in a 'Real Program Degree' in an 'Actual University'?

He could do just that by studying abroad, where the top universities in the world were. And maybe, for once in his lifetime, his father would be proud of him... His boy enrolling in an Ivy League, Harvard, Yale... or wherever he wanted—with his academic performance it shouldn't even be an issue. Maybe he could get himself a scholarship in one of those universities, though money wasn't a problem for him. It wasn't like Hiccup will be missed either – he highly doubted that. His father barely came home every week.

This new plan of his was perfect—it would definitely work.

Unfortunately, this plan also involved him giving up on his own plans for college. And there goes one of his dreams. The said that dream involved going to the same college as Astrid Hofferson, he figured that his dreams were nothing less a fantasy.

It was a just stupid pinky promise from childhood. It was not like she remembered any of it.

"It was stupid," Hiccup muttered to himself.

"Yes, so stupid," Hiccup repeated as if he was trying to convince himself otherwise.

Besides, it was not like he had a choice – the only way his father would agree on this plan was Hiccup had to take a law degree.

But If it meant getting away from all these, where he could start fresh and try to be a better version of him. It was a compromise he was willing to take.

Million ideas started flowing in his mind on how this plan would just work out for him.

Four to Eight years in law school, give or take – even longer if he decided to take law for post-grad. That was a lot of time for himself – to discover himself.

He could get a dog.

He could travel.

He could meet new people who didn't know him as a Hiccup.

He could start fresh, and there was more to life than just his soul mate.

But none of them would be like being with Astrid Hofferson.

Hiccup shook his head, brushing off the thoughts before it festered his mind.

Hiccup let out a long-drawn sigh, sitting up straight, shrugging layer of blanket off him. At least his mood felt brighter with the notion of the freedom he could have soon.

With nothing more to do, Hiccup plopped back down to the bed, scrambled his pockets for his cellphone and fiddled with it for a while, until he started yawning and eventually dozed off.

The next time Hiccup opened his eyes – he was still dreaming.

After all, There was no way Astrid was in his room, sitting on his bed, watching him sleep. To prove his point, Hiccup reached out a hand to hold the said image of Astrid. And just about Hiccup was about to touch her, Astrid reached out for his hand and held on to it tightly.

The sensation of her hands and the feel of their soul marks resonating... It all felt too real... He didn't want it to end–

–Ding! Dong!

The loud doorbell woke him up, the whole vision in his dreams vanishing into smoke, as he jolted up straight, feeling shivery, goosebumps all over his skin, and cold sweat covering his body. Hiccup shook his head, to clear his foggy head, and calm his breathing.

It was just a dream... Astrid hadn't visited him for over four years, not even when he had an accident – She had no better reason to do so now. And yet, Hiccup couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in his chest.

Ding! Dong! The doorbell rang again.

Hiccup groaned, he didn't really want to step out of his room for the day. He was sure it wasn't his father as his father just sent a message that he won't be back until a week. He contemplated to ignore the doorbell, and try to get back to his sweet dreams–

Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong!

Hiccup grumbled, swearing under his breath. Seriously, even in his dreams, he couldn't spend be allowed to be with his soul mate. Urk. Hiccup needed to get hold of his mind, It wasn't going to happen and was never going to happen.

She always knew, Hiccup reminded himself as if it was his mantra.

Whoever the visitor was seemed determined to continue with the barrage of doorbells – and for some reason, Hiccup had a bad feeling about this.

Begrudgingly, Hiccup stood up from his bed and stretched his limbs exaggeratedly as if he was trying to delay the time. The doorbells continued and Hiccup decided that stretching any longer wasn't going to help. Hiccup didn't bother getting himself appear presentable and just headed straight downstairs to 'excitedly' welcome the unwelcome visitor.

Hiccup sighed as finally, he arrived in the entrance of the house, stopping right in front of the gigantic two-door. He debated to grab a weapon for self-defense, but it was not like people in Berk were bold enough to cause trouble in Stoick Haddock's mansion. And if ever someone was planning something against the law, like, if ever someone was going to kidnap him for a ransom... They probably got the wrong household – they should know better how majestic his relationship with his father was.

So Hiccup finally unlocked the door, wincing when felt his left forearm pulsed when his left hand made a contact with the cold metal of the doorknob. When he was about to twist the knobs, the door was opened from the other side, and he was found himself drowning at a too familiar pair of ocean eyes, and dazzled by the ever so radiant golden-blonde hair.

There was Astrid Hofferson standing on the other side of the door. And before Hiccup could delve on another theory that he was still dreaming.

"Economics Project," Astrid said simply, and walked past him, welcoming herself into his home.

Gotta love dem’ cliffhangers. :P I told you the story will start picking up… and we finally get the real confrontation/interaction next chapter.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m not confident with this chapter…  So it would be great to hear from you guys, feed me with your validations… I need it! the next chapter will be even tougher to write. :D

How was it? Please don’t forget to hit like and/or reblog.

[janzz]

day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL)  (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets.  i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful.  however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong.  i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods.  the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc).  i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me.  like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life.  its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark.  it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life.  anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces  your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit).  i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further.  whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends.  dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal.  im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference.  if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.  

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price.  i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong.  whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics).  i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff.  my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model.  when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag.  I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob.  Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies.  another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck.  before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month.  ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6.  when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k.  there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik).  anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not.  im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time.  me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels.  we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4.  we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together.  additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k.  i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump.  and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful.  anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to.  i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.  

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase.  i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert.  he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking.  i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next.  but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash.  i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality.  it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad).  i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.  

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive.  what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs.  me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome.  what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much.  what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup).  i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.  

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy.  these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner.  at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k.  tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company.  i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k.  and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years.  i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less).  that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status.  something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me.  i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend.  its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis.  his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices.  privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it.  as i make more money i also care more and more to give back.  if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts.  i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me.  im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to.  them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me.  the second is them fronting the bill for my university education.  the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.  

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way. 

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

[somniiari]

Days is my favorite Kingdom Hearts game but I haven’t played it in a while and I don’t think I ever watched the movie version all the way through! So I watched it and liveblogged it.

I basically have the Saix’s monologue in the beginning memorized

Axel has said “got it memorized” at least 6 times within the first 10 minutes of this movie

Hayner, Pence and Olette run past these literal cult members without even looking

7! 7 times Axel please!!

Quinton Flynn’s delivery seems pretty weird and flat now, which is weird cause I know he can do really well. maybe it was intentional, cause Axel hasn’t started developing a heart yet?

I forgot that my pronunciation of Xion is technically wrong

Footsteps in The Castle That Never Was sound so strange. like they’re walking on metal suction cups.

Axel: Wait did you want me dead? Saix: ... *walks away*

Ah yes Xion’s creepy hood thing that I thought was a glitch until later in the game

What was Organization XIII doing in the 10 years before a Keyblade weilder was available to them?? I’m sure they had plenty of scheming and experiments and mischief but 10 years worth?

THEY LEFT OUT THE BEST PART

THEY DIDNT ANIMATE IT

“ROXAS THAT’S A STICK” I NEEDED IT

“As long as we keep each other in our thoughts, we’ll never be apart!” yall forget each other

8 times

Axel is so bitter about/to Saix oh my god tone down your salt man

The Chamber of Repose and the Chamber of Waking. I don’t remember which is which but one houses Aqua’s armor and the other is Ven’s body, right? So one’s in TCTNW and the other is in Castle Oblivion.

It just clarified, Chamber of Waking is Ven, and in Oblivion

Can Saix and Axel’s objectives  really be a secret from Xemnas? Saix is norted after all, and even though he has most of a free will at the moment, he’s still possessed.

IT STARTED PLAYING THE OLYMPIUS COLISEUM MUSIC AND I HAD BAD FLASHBACKS

“[the memories of my past] have never done me any good” because they instilled loyalty to a norted jerk?

“i can deal with 7 days maybe” well just break my heart roxas why dontcha

Axel spends his rare days off sleeping #relatable 

9 times

“try not to bungle everything-” WHAT KIND OF WORD IS BUNGLE

ARE YOU GONNA ASK THEM NOT TO RUSTLE ANYONE’S JIMMIES TOO AXEL?

“you’ve changed” i can vividly remember Axel saying “i’m not the one who changed, you did” in response to that, but its not in the movie. maybe it was actually a journal entry?

“why are you dressed like one of us?” Xion, honey, your uniform is the most well known form of protection against dark corruption of the heart

Of course Organization XIII has no way of knowing that, bc they were deliberately lied to

This is the scene that made me hate Riku. Watching it again after i’ve fallen in love with him is quite the trip

“You’re the real sham!” “Fair enough” Riku bby no your self-hatred is showing

*Xion screams* BBY NO

“’Special?’ Isn’t that another way of saying I’m a mistake?” XION BBY NO but also #same

“According to Axel, girls are complicated and there are buttons to avoid pressing” ah yes, i forgot this part. don’t worry Roxas, she’s just upset because she’s a girl and girls are weird, she’s not having an existential crisis or anything! 

“Roxas ate alone after missions.” where’s Axel though??

the love conversation may have been a great thing to animate but that’s fine square, just tell us about it

And so Axel’s lies begin. He was just trying to give Roxas hope, I can’t wait to remember how this all got twisted and horrible.

Did we fight the Zipslasher in this time skip? I think we did. I hated the Zipslasher gdi

Axel bridal carrying Xion is what got me started shipping AkuXi. Don’t ship it anymore though, really. Maybe in AUs when they’re closer to the same age

Saix: “Did it break again?” Me: XION’S NOT AN IT

Roxas: “Xion’s not an it!” oh yeah thanks Rox

“does the past mean nothing to you” Saix you’re the one being an ass

10 times

omg please tell me he does it 13 or 14 times

Almost all the books in the Organization library look the same; plain white binding. y’know, cause aesthetic.

Flying in Neverland would have been a nice animation too but whatever

This is why you dont hang out in high places kids!

the scene with Axel and Xion in Castle Oblivion is one of my favorites

Story time: Axel’s explanation of the sunset helped me pass an earth science quiz, cause i was out sick when we learned about light but i was playing days while in bed

THE MINDSCREW DREAM

i still have no idea what it means!! or even who was having it!

Neither Xion nor Roxas knew Zexion that well, and that seemed like Riku’s memories, not Sora’s! so WHY

aw i was too angry as a child to realize that Riku was looking for a way to save them

what has Saix done that make you think he has any mercy Roxas

Xion, Axel probably wasn’t gonna fight you if you hadnt attacked him, the first chakram was a warning not to stab Roxas

“i’ll bring her somewhere safe” thats all you had to say Axel

So Xemnas did call him Sora. Way back when I thought he may have said Ventus.

now you screwed up Axel

DiZ is the worst

"i know you’re not just a puppet.” ;~;

11 times

“I saw a boy today who looked just like Roxas” i thought she meant Sora but Xigbar was spying so was it Ven? I mean it should be Sora but....

Also, Xigbar spying!

“nor become the person we see” not everyone sees Xion as anything though, not even at this point. What do you see, Xemnas?

just kidding i’m pretty sure its Ven

why wouldnt you want two Sora capable people?

like tbh if you spent your time balancing Xion and Roxas’s powers instead of pitting them against each other they would have both stayed in the Organization at least a little while longer

the older i get the more i relate to Xion, bc i too am afraid that i will wreck everything

“do you hate me for taking your friend away from you?” “nah. i guess i’m just sad.” ;~;

now i see why people ship RikuXi

i can dig it now that i love them both, still a little weird to me though, i gotta warm up to it

Riku is projecting, i never realized

“you have to do what’s best for everybody” cause so does he, even at the expense of his own life

and he doesn’t want to have to tell Xion that, but he does, and maybe he can do it to someday

that illusion would have been a nice thing to animate, especially since i forgot it happened holy crap

leave it to Axel to do his best to save the day

Give me Lea sadly turning in the WINNER stick in KH3

or even better, give me Lea cheerfully turning in the WINNER stick with Roxas, Xion and Isa at the end of KH3

Xion said it this time but i’m gonna count it, 12

im super mad about the fixation on memories making everything okay in the end because EVERYONE FORGETS AND I HURT

I KNOW ITS ON PURPOSE BUT PLEASE

what is Diz’s purpose, just to order these kids around? he’s a huge jerk, why do you listen to him

he’s telling you to murder people

i mean they need to die i guess but wouldn’t both of you feel better if you came to that conclusion yourselves instead of this asshole telling you you gotta

though they are both kids and i guess there’s a comfort in an adult getting a final say

still DiZ is bad news and i don’t like him mistreating all the young’ins

Axel’s dancing between the truth, trying to be gentle and trying not to care too much resulted in literally the worst explanation ever no wonder Roxas got pissed

Why was Riku just chilling outside Beast’s Castle and how did Xion end up in just the right place to portal in front of him

i don’t REMEMBER XALDIN’S VOICE BEING THAT ODD

also #rude Xemnas, Xion is a she!

good to know most of the Organization thought of her has a person though. or a Nobody at least. an equal.

Were there more than 2 Replicas? oooooh that could be a good plot twist

Xemnas was insistent on calling her an “it” but uses “she” again when giving Axel the task of getting her back, a dialogue inconsistency or a deliberate manipulation?

There’s an implication that Demyx and Xion talked a lot thats adorable

At least now we know why they were insistent on having 13 people even before they had 13 Nobodies

Axel walks away from conversations almost as much as Vax’ildan

Roxas: “Could it be that you knew for a long time, and never told me anything?” Axel: I walk away

I still don’t get why Riku transforms without the blindfold, and how “his eyes couldn’t lie” is a valid explanation

Riku was projecting, he thinks he has to die

13 maybe? Roxas said it, but also accusing Axel of not memorizing it

Axel told Xion the truth and she left. Axel kept the truth from Roxas and he left.

That sucks.

~cause i’m leaaaaaavin, never to come back again~

“you’re Kairi as Sora remembers her” come on you can’t tell her she became her own person before she dies?

Namine is being kind in general though

I ship it

“i know. i’m ready” ;~;

they’re solving the problem themselves and DiZ walks in pissed that they’re doing what he asked. Almost like a real parent!

MY FAV SCENE IN THE WHOLE GAME

THE VOICE ACTING

THE BODY LANGUAGE

YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BEING RIPPED OUT

you can also almost hear Axel’s abandonment issues developing even further!

this day is just titled “Tears”. Accurate

I just realized Xion was trying to get Axel to kill her first

but he couldn’t do it

she got Roxas to do it instead

Memories of Xion going static and fading are the WORST

Roxas did break Riku’s arm or something

yes hello i look eerily like your boss now

I wonder if Axel/Lea ever looks back on his conversations with Roxas and notices a hole. An awkward silence where he and Roxas are just listening to nothing. Laughter after a beat of quiet. Looking at something that isn’t there.

literally why is everyone just okay with DiZ he’s a total jerk

in II DiZ acts like he figures out that Ansem is actually Riku. Here he doesn’t question that Riku is 2 heads taller and his voice is 2 octaves deeper.

The rooms in KH are so nice

Well there it is. the end.

WAIT

“Got it memorized” and close variations were said a total of 13 times in this movie

11 by Axel, once by Xion, and once by Roxas, as a denial.

I’m so mad

[viralhottopics]

How technology gets us hooked

The Long Read: From a young age, humans love to press buttons that light up and make a noise. The thrill of positive feedback lies at the heart of addiction to gambling, games, and social media

Not long ago, I stepped into a lift on the 18th floor of a tall building in New York City. A young woman inside the lift was looking down at the top of her toddlers head with embarrassment as he looked at me and grinned. When I turned to push the ground-floor button, I saw that every button had already been pushed. Kids love pushing buttons, but they only push every button when the buttons light up. From a young age, humans are driven to learn, and learning involves getting as much feedback as possible from the immediate environment. The toddler who shared my elevator was grinning because feedback in the form of lights or sounds or any change in the state of the world is pleasurable.

But this quest for feedback doesnt end with childhood. In 2012, an ad agency in Belgium produced an outdoor campaign for a TV channel that quickly went viral. The campaigns producers placed a big red button on a pedestal in a quaint square in a sleepy town in Flanders. A big arrow hung above the button with a simple instruction: Push to add drama. You can see the glint in each persons eye as he or she approaches the button the same glint that came just before the toddler in my elevator raked his tiny hand across the panel of buttons.

Psychologists have long tried to understand how animals respond to different forms of feedback. In 1971, a psychologist named Michael Zeiler sat in his lab across from three hungry white carneaux pigeons. At this stage, the research programme focused on rats and pigeons, but it had lofty aims. Could the behaviour of lower-order animals teach governments how to encourage charity and discourage crime? Could entrepreneurs inspire overworked shift workers to find new meaning in their jobs? Could parents learn how to shape perfect children?

Before Zeiler could change the world, he had to work out the best way to deliver rewards. One option was to reward every desirable behaviour. Another was to reward those same desirable behaviours on an unpredictable schedule, creating some of the mystery that encourages people to buy lottery tickets. The pigeons had been raised in the lab, so they knew the drill. Each one waddled up to a small button and pecked persistently, hoping that the button would release a tray of Purina pigeon pellets. During some trials, Zeiler would programme the button so it delivered food every time the pigeons pecked; during others, he programmed the button so it delivered food only some of the time. Sometimes the pigeons would peck in vain, the button would turn red, and they would receive nothing.

When I first learned about Zeilers work, I expected the consistent schedule to work best. But thats not what happened at all. The results werent even close: the pigeons pecked almost twice as often when the reward wasnt guaranteed. Their brains, it turned out, were releasing far more dopamine when the reward was unexpected than when it was predictable. Zeiler had documented an important fact about positive feedback: that less is often more. His pigeons were drawn to the mystery of mixed feedback just as humans are attracted to the uncertainty of gambling.

Decades after Zeiler published his results, in 2012, a team of Facebook web developers prepared to unleash a similar feedback experiment on hundreds of millions of humans. The site already had 200 million users at the time a number that would triple over the next three years. The experiment took the form of a deceptively simple new feature called a like button.

Its hard to exaggerate how much the like button changed the psychology of Facebook use. What had begun as a passive way to track your friends lives was now deeply interactive, and with exactly the sort of unpredictable feedback that motivated Zeilers pigeons. Users were gambling every time they shared a photo, web link or status update. A post with zero likes wasnt just privately painful, but also a kind of public condemnation: either you didnt have enough online friends, or, worse still, your online friends werent impressed. Like pigeons, were more driven to seek feedback when it isnt guaranteed. Facebook was the first major social networking force to introduce the like button, but others now have similar functions. You can like and repost tweets on Twitter, pictures on Instagram, posts on Google+, columns on LinkedIn, and videos on YouTube.

The act of liking became the subject of etiquette debates. What did it mean to refrain from liking a friends post? If you liked every third post, was that an implicit condemnation of the other posts? Liking became a form of basic social support the online equivalent of laughing at a friends joke in public.

Web developer Rameet Chawla developed an app as a marketing exercise, but also a social experiment, to uncover the effect of the like button. When he launched it, Chawla posted this introduction on its homepage: People are addicted. We experience withdrawals. We are so driven by this drug, getting just one hit elicits truly peculiar reactions. Im talking about likes. Theyve inconspicuously emerged as the first digital drug to dominate our culture.

Chawlas app, called Lovematically, was designed to automatically like every picture that rolled through its users newsfeeds. It wasnt even necessary to impress them any more; any old post was good enough to inspire a like. Apart from enjoying the warm glow that comes from spreading good cheer, Chawla for the first three months, the apps only user also found that people reciprocated. They liked more of his photos, and he attracted an average of 30 new followers a day, a total of almost 3,000 followers during the trial period. On Valentines Day 2014, Chawla allowed 5,000 Instagram users to download a beta version of the app. After only two hours, Instagram shut down Lovematically for violating the social networks terms of use.

I knew way before launching it that it would get shut down by Instagram, Chawla said. Using drug terminology, you know, Instagram is the dealer and Im the new guy in the market giving away the drug for free.

Chawla was surprised, though, that it happened so quickly. Hed hoped for at least a week of use, but Instagram pounced immediately.

When I moved to the United States for postgraduate studies in 2004, online entertainment was limited. These were the days before Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube and Facebook was limited to students at Harvard. One evening, I stumbled on a game called Sign of the Zodiac (Zodiac for short) that demanded very little mental energy.

Zodiac was a simple online slot machine, much like the actual slot machines in casinos: you decided how much to wager, lazily clicked a button over and over again, and watched as the machine spat out wins and losses. At first, I played to relieve the stress of long days filled with too much thinking, but the brief ding that followed each small win, and the longer melody that followed each major win, hooked me fast. Eventually screenshots of the game would intrude on my day. Id picture five pink scorpions lining up for the games highest jackpot, followed by the jackpot melody that I can still conjure today. I had a minor behavioural addiction, and these were the sensory hangovers of the random, unpredictable feedback that followed each win.

My Zodiac addiction wasnt unusual. For 13 years, Natasha Dow Schll, a cultural anthropologist, studied gamblers and the machines that hook them. She collected descriptions of slot machines from gambling experts and current and former addicts, which included the following: Slots are the crack cocaine of gambling electronic morphine … the most virulent strain of gambling in the history of man Slots are the premier addiction delivery device.

These are sensationalised descriptions, but they capture how easily people become hooked on slot-machine gambling. I can relate, because I became addicted to a slots game that wasnt even doling out real money. The reinforcing sound of a win after the silence of several losses was enough for me.

In the US, banks are not allowed to handle online gambling winnings, which makes online gambling practically illegal. Very few companies are willing to fight the system, and the ones that do are quickly defeated. That sounds like a good thing, but free and legal games such as Sign of the Zodiac can also be dangerous. At casinos, the deck is stacked heavily against the player; on average the house has to win. But the house doesnt have to win in a game without money.

As David Goldhill, the chief executive officer of the Game Show Network, which also produces many online games, told me: Because were not restricted by having to pay real winnings, we can pay out $120 for every $100 played. No land-based casino could do that for more than a week without going out of business. As a result, the game can continue forever because the player never runs out of chips. I played Sign of the Zodiac for four years and rarely had to start a new game. I won roughly 95% of the time. The game only ended when I had to eat or sleep or attend class in the morning. And sometimes it didnt even end then.

Casinos win most of the time, but they have a clever way of convincing gamblers that the outcomes are reversed. Early slot machines were incredibly simple devices: the player pulled the machines arm to spin its three mechanical reels. If the centre of the reels displayed two or more of the same symbol when they stopped spinning, the player won a certain number of coins or credits. Today, slot machines allow gamblers to play multiple lines. Every time you play, youre more likely to win on at least one line, and the machine will celebrate with you by flashing bright lights and playing catchy tunes. If you play 15 lines, and you win on two of the lines, you make a net loss, and yet you enjoy the positive feedback that follows a win a type of win that Schll and other gambling experts call a loss disguised as a win.

Losses disguised as wins only matter because players dont classify them as losses they classify them as wins. This is what makes modern slot machines and modern casinos so dangerous. Like the little boy who hit every button in my lift, adults never really grow out of the thrill of attractive lights and sounds. If our brains convince us that were winning even when were actually losing, it becomes almost impossible to muster the self-control to stop playing.

Every time you play a slot machine it will celebrate with you by flashing bright lights and playing catchy tunes Photograph: imageBROKER/Rex/Shutterstock

The success of slot machines is measured by time on device. Since most players lose more money the longer they play, time on device is a useful proxy for profitability. Video-game designers use a similar measure, which captures how engaging and enjoyable their games are. The difference between casinos and video games is that many game designers are more concerned with making their games fun than with making buckets of money. Bennett Foddy, who teaches game design at New York Universitys Game Center, has created a number of successful free-to-play games, but each was a labour of love rather than a money-making vehicle.

Video games are governed by microscopic rules, Foddy says. When your mouse cursor moves over a particular box, text will pop up, or a sound will play. Designers use this sort of micro-feedback to keep players more engaged and more hooked in.

A game must obey these microscopic rules, because gamers are likely to stop playing a game that doesnt deliver a steady dose of small rewards that make sense given the games rules. Those rewards can be as subtle as a ding sound or a white flash whenever a character moves over a particular square. Those bits of micro-feedback need to follow the act almost immediately, because if theres a tight pairing in time between when I act and when something happens, then Ill think I was causing it.

The game Candy Crush Saga is a prime example. At its peak in 2013, the game generated more than $600,000 in revenue per day. To date, its developer, King, has earned around $2.5 billion from the game. Somewhere between half a billion and a billion people have downloaded Candy Crush Saga on their smartphones or through Facebook. Most of those players are women, which is unusual for a blockbuster.

Its hard to understand the games colossal success when you see how straightforward it is. Players aim to create lines of three or more of the same candy by swiping candies left, right, up, and down. Candies are crushed they disappear when you form these matching lines, and the candies above them drop down to take their place. The game ends when the screen fills with candies that cannot be matched. Foddy told me that it wasnt the rules that made the game a success it was juice. Juice refers to the games surface feedback. It isnt essential to the game, but its essential to the games success. Without juice, the game loses its charm.

Novice game designers often forget to add juice, Foddy said. If a character in your game runs through the grass, the grass should bend as he runs through it. It tells you that the grass is real and that the character and grass are in the same world. When you form a line in Candy Crush Saga, a reinforcing sound plays, the score associated with that line flashes brightly, and sometimes you hear words of praise intoned by a hidden, deep-voiced narrator.

Juice amplifies feedback, but its also designed to unite the real world and the gaming world. The most powerful vehicle for juice must surely be virtual reality (VR) technology, which is still in its infancy. VR places the user in an immersive environment, which the user navigates as she might the real world. Advanced VR also introduces multisensory feedback, including touch, hearing and smell.

In a podcast last year, the author and sports columnist Bill Simmons spoke to billionaire investor Chris Sacca, an early Google employee and Twitter investor, about his experience with VR. Im afraid for my kids, a little bit, Simmons said. I do wonder if this VR world you dive into is almost superior to the actual world youre in. Instead of having human interactions, I can just go into this VR world and do VR things and thats gonna be my life.

Sacca shared Simmons concerns. One of the things thats interesting about technology is that the improvement in resolution and sound modelling and responsiveness is outpacing our own physiological development, Sacca said. You can watch some early videos where you are on top of a skyscraper, and your body will not let you step forward. Your body is convinced that that is the side of the skyscraper. Thats not even a super immersive VR platform. So we have some crazy days ahead of us.

Until recently, most people thought of VR as a tool for gaming, but that changed when Facebook acquired Oculus VR for $2bn in 2014. Facebooks Mark Zuckerberg had big ideas for the Oculus Rift gaming headset that went far beyond games. This is just the start, Zuckerberg said. After games, were going to make Oculus a platform for many other experiences. Imagine enjoying a court-side seat at a game, studying in a classroom of students and teachers all over the world or consulting with a doctor face-to-face just by putting goggles in your home. VR no longer dwelled on the fringes. One day, we believe this kind of immersive, augmented reality will become a part of daily life for billions of people, said Zuckerberg.

In October 2015, the New York Times shipped a small cardboard VR viewer with its Sunday paper. Paired with a smartphone, the Google Cardboard viewer streamed VR content, including documentaries on North Korea, Syrian refugees, and a vigil following the Paris terror attacks. Instead of sitting through 45 seconds on the news of someone walking around and explaining how terrible it is, you are actively becoming a participant in the story that you are viewing, said Christian Stephen, a producer of one of the VR documentaries.

Despite the promise of VR, it also poses great risks. Jeremy Bailenson, a professor of communication at Stanfords Virtual Reality Interaction Lab, worries that the Oculus Rift will damage how people interact with the world. Am I terrified of the world where anyone can create really horrible experiences? Yes, it does worry me. I worry what happens when a violent video game feels like murder. And when pornography feels like sex. How does that change the way humans interact, function as a society?

When it matures, VR will allow us to spend time with anyone in any location doing whatever we like for as long as we like. That sort of boundless pleasure sounds wonderful, but it has the capacity to devalue face-to-face interactions. Why live in the real world with real, flawed people when you can live in a perfect world that feels just as real? Wielded by game designers, it might prove to be a vehicle for the latest in a series of escalating behavioural addictions.

Some experiences are designed to be addictive for the sake of ensnaring hapless consumers, but others happen to be addictive though they are primarily designed to be fun or engaging. The line that separates these is very thin; to a large extent the difference rests on the intention of the designer.

When Nintendos superstar game designer Shigeru Miyamoto created Super Mario Bros, his primary aim was to make a game that he himself enjoyed playing. Thats the point, he said, not to make something sell, something very popular, but to love something, and make something that we creators can love. Its the very core feeling we should have in making games.

When you compare Super Mario Bros regularly voted by game designers as one of the greatest games ever to others on the market, it is easy to recognise the difference in intention.

Adam Saltsman, who produced an acclaimed indie game called Canabalt in 2009, has written extensively about the ethics of game design. Many of the predatory games of the past five years use whats known as an energy system, Saltsman said. Youre allowed to play the game for five minutes, and then you artificially run out of stuff to do. The game will send you an email in, say, four hours when you can start playing again. I told Saltsman that the system sounded pretty good to me it forces gamers to take breaks and encourages kids to do their homework between gaming sessions. But thats where the predatory part comes in.

Super Mario Run was primarily designed by its creator, Shigeru Miyamoto, to be a game he enjoyed playing Photograph: PR

According to Saltsman: Game designers began to realise that players would pay $1 to shorten the wait time, or to increase the amount of energy their avatar would have once the four-hour rest period had passed. I came across this predatory device when playing a game called Trivia Crack. If you give the wrong answer several times, you run out of lives, and a dialogue screen gives you a choice: wait for an hour for more lives, or pay 99 cents to continue immediately. Many games hide these down-the-line charges. Theyre free, at first, but later you are forced to pay in-game fees to continue.

If you are minutes or even hours deep into the game, the last thing you want to do is admit defeat. You have so much to lose, and your aversion to that sense of loss compels you to feed the machine just one more time, over and over again. You start playing because you want to have fun, but you continue playing because you want to avoid feeling unhappy.

A game in which you always win is boring. It sounds appealing but it gets old fast. To some extent we all need losses and difficulties and challenges, because without them the thrill of success weakens gradually with each new victory. The hardship of the challenge is far more compelling than knowing you are going to succeed. This sense of hardship is an ingredient in many addictive experiences, including one of the most addictive games of all time: Tetris.

In 1984, Alexey Pajitnov was working at a computer lab at the Russian Academy of Science in Moscow. Many of the labs scientists worked on side projects, and Pajitnov began working on a video game. Pajitnov worked on Tetris for much longer than he planned because he couldnt stop playing the game. Eventually Pajitnov allowed his friends at the Academy of Science to play the game. Everyone who touched the game couldnt stop playing either.

His best friend, Vladimir Pokhilko, a former psychologist, remembered taking the game to his lab at the Moscow Medical Institute. Everybody stopped working. So I deleted it from every computer. Everyone went back to work, until a new version appeared in the lab.

Alexey Pajitnov, the inventor of Tetris Photograph: Sipa Press / Rex Features

Tetris spread from the Academy of Science to the rest of Moscow, and then on to the rest of Russia and eastern Europe. Two years later, in 1986, the game reached the west, but its big break came in 1991, when Nintendo signed a deal with Pajitnov. Every Game Boy would come with a free game cartridge that contained a redesigned version of Tetris.

That year I saved up and ultimately bought a Game Boy, which is how I came to play Tetris for the first time. It wasnt as glitzy as some of my other favourites, but I played for hours at a time. Nintendo was smart to include the game with their new portable console, because it was easy to learn and very difficult to abandon. I assumed that I would grow tired of Tetris, but sometimes I still play the game today, more than 25 years later. It has longevity because it grows with you. Its easy at first, but as your skills improve, the game gets more difficult. The pieces fall from the top of the screen more quickly, and you have less time to react than you did when you were a novice.

This escalation of difficulty is a critical hook that keeps the game engaging long after you have mastered its basic moves. Twenty-five years ago, a psychiatrist named Richard Haier showed that this progression is pleasurable because your brain becomes more efficient as you improve. Haier decided to watch as people mastered a video game, though he knew little about the cutting-edge world of gaming. In 1991 no one had heard of Tetris, he said in an interview a few years later. I went to the computer store to see what they had and the guy said, Here try this. Its just come in. Tetris was the perfect game, it was simple to learn, you had to practise to get good, and there was a good learning curve.

Haier bought some copies of Tetris for his lab and watched as his experimental subjects played the game. He did find neurological changes with experience parts of the brain thickened and brain activity declined, suggesting experts brains worked more efficiently but more relevant here, he found that his subjects relished playing the game. They signed up to play for 45 minutes a day, five days a week, for up to eight weeks. They came for the experiment (and the cash payment that came with participating), but stayed for the game.

One satisfying feature of the game is the sense that you are building something your efforts produce a pleasing tower of coloured bricks. You have the chaos coming as random pieces, and your job is to put them in order. The game allows you the brief thrill of seeing your completed lines flash before they disappear, leaving only your mistakes. So you begin again, and try to complete another line as the game speeds up and your fingers are forced to dance across the controls more quickly.

Mikhail Kulagin, Pajitnovs friend and a fellow programmer, remembers feeling a drive to fix his mistakes. Tetris is a game with a very strong negative motivation. You never see what you have done very well, and your mistakes are seen on the screen. You always want to correct them.

The sense of creating something that requires labour and effort and expertise is a major force behind addictive acts that might otherwise lose their sheen over time. It also highlights an insidious difference between substance addiction and behavioural addiction: where substance addictions are nakedly destructive, many behavioural addictions are quietly destructive acts wrapped in cloaks of creation. The illusion of progress will sustain you as you achieve high scores or acquire more followers or improve your skills, and so, if you want to stop, youll struggle ever harder against the drive to grow.

Some designers are very much against infinite format games, like Tetris, said Foddy, because theyre an abuse of a weakness in peoples motivational structures they wont be able to stop.

Humans find the sweet spot sandwiched between too easy and too difficult irresistible. Its the land of just-challenging-enough computer games, financial targets, work ambitions, social media objectives and fitness goals. It is in this sweet spot where the need to stop crumbles before obsessive goal-setting that addictive experiences live.

This is an adapted extract of Irresistible by Adam Alter, published on 2 March by The Bodley Head in the UK and Penguin Press in the US on 7 March

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