#if you wanna see which exact video caused me to make this post go to Jade's instagram stories @shootthewendy

[gxlacticlove]

my favorite thing is the videos of Brian doing the most insane things and then you hear Meredith off camera go "wow Bri!"

[spock-smokes-weed]

I wanna talk about about the big issue that's going on in the dan and phil fandom rn because I've been sitting on my thoughts for a few days, and because I think it's important for us as a community to keep talking about it.

Dan and Phil mean a lot to me, they've been a real bright spot for me in a very dark time in my life, so it did give me a major spike of anxiety when I started seeing discussions of racist behavior coming from Dan and the Phandom. My first instinct was to just brush it off because what people were upset about didn't seem that "serious", and it's a bad habit of my mine to try to bury things that give me anxiety. But like a pulsing sore, my mind couldn't let me ignore it and I kept going back into the tags to read what people were saying. And I realized I was doing the exact thing that a lot of POC and Latin American fans were criticizing.

I'm not POC or Latin American, and comments like the ones Dan made (idk if there are anymore but to my understanding he called mexico and brazil third world countries in WAD, and titled a really old video "I'm Mexican Now" back when he used to tan himself) don't hit a sore spot for me like it would other people. It's a lot easier for me to say "oh that's tasteless" and let it roll off my back. But this is personal for a lot of other fans, and I never want to be that kind of person that goes "well it didn't hurt ME, why can't YOU let it go." no matter how much I like Dan and Phil.

And I think that's gets a the core for what a lot of fans are upset over (at least from what I've observed, feel free to tell me if I'm off the mark.) Dan's comments made them feel like a person they really admired doesn't hold the same kind of respect for them. It made me really sad reading about how isolated POC feel in fandom because when microaggressions come up, they're expected to suck it up. And that's so unbelievably shitty that we are making fellow fans feel this way. I've seen time and again POC people have to leave fandoms, or never join them to begin with, because the environment is so hostile towards them. And that's really a shame, because fandom has been such a positive aspect of my life, and it want it to be that way for everyone.

And what Dan did is just one part of it, the other part is us, the phandom. People who speak up about this, or the fact that DnP's tour has zero shows in Latin America, Asia, or Africa ("world tour" lmao) have been getting racist harassment from other fans. They're framed as "trying to cancel" DnP, or "making a fuss over nothing". That is completely unacceptable, and if we really want to be this positive community, we have to push back on this behavior when we see it. That includes when it's coming from Dan and Phil.

I honestly don't think Dan was being malicious in what he said, nor do I think DnP were intending to exclude people by not taking the tour to the global south, but that it's really not the point. It's about the fans that feel excluded and hurt. Dan and Phil are both human beings, they are not "unproblematic kings", and they will always fail to meet your standards when you paint them that way. It's causing real people harm when you deny that they can do no wrong. Dan and Phil are very meaningful to me as artists, and I know it can feel personal when you find out someone you admire did something wrong, but sometimes you have to step back and remember that this isn't about you. And it's not a healthy approach to take any criticism of something you like as a personal attack.

Contrapoints once said something that really stuck with me, and it's how I'd like to be living my life, which is that often, admitting when you were wrong can seen as a weakness, when in reality it's an incredible strength. I was wrong with my initial gut reaction over this, and Dan was wrong for what he said, and I think all people want is to hear him say that.

I felt a little nervous writing this post because I don't want to be speaking over anyone, or speaking for anyone, (and if you're a POC and want to elaborate please go ahead), but it felt wrong not saying anything because of how much Dan and Phil mean to me. I don't exactly see myself a part of the "phandom", and I only post about them when they upload, but they are very meaningful artists to me. I want other people to keep discovering Dan and Phil and enjoying their art, but for that to happen we need to be candid about where they've fallen short.

[accio-victuuri]

yuguyao content is truly the gift that keeps on giving. this fandom is keeping us busy with updates from both sides, but that doesn’t mean we will forget the sweets!

this is part four. enjoy ^^

An incident that got lots of attention with cpfs, because XZ mentioned CQL in the interview. and that was because it was asked how may times he had filmed in hengdian and so he mentioned all the projects. which included cql. I must admit that it was nice hearing it from him again. 💕 not exactly proof of whatever cause we know he loves cql and wwx. It would be out of character if he leaves it out.

but of course some entertainment accounts will twist this cause apparently, we’re not the only ones “not over” CQL and their association. It’s all BS. We all know WYB’s change in Weibo has nothing to do with “contempt” for CQL.

Let me just enjoy the parallels i see popping out and the continued Shiying x LWJ examples 😌

My absolute favorite tho and what people have been interpreting is this “mindset” that he has which is similar to WYB. You may think that this applies to both life in general or romance. The answer he gave to the question in the tencent video ruxi interview in particular. How it compares to his 2019 answer about a similar question. He is still the same stubborn XZ!

2019: "For what he thinks is right, and for the people he loves, he can work hard regardless of everything" "This is also the person I want to be."

2021: (Knowing the established destiny, will I still choose the same)" I'd love to say I will. " " But it's going to be hard work, but I'm still doing it."

So the connection people are getting at is, in the story of YGY, he knows that Zhu Yan will be the one that kills him but he still goes and falls for her. That’s just the kind of person that he is irl too isn’t it? Not saying that WYB is his Zhu Yan but the same theme as loving someone ( everyone says ) you shouldn’t. If you believe in SZD, you have to admit that ZZ can have anyone he wants. He can choose the easy route and just let go of WYB but he didn’t. They are both committed to each other and continue to stay in love despite all the noise. Same goes with WYB, how he said, “ love is like this. you can’t help it” . It’s like they don’t care what people say their “fate” will be, loving each other is a conscious choice.

They are both logical people when it comes to life and their career but when it comes to love — they really follow their heart.

The same persistence even when things get tough is a trait they both have. This is why they still continue to be relevant years after CQL.

I found this comment on one of the posts and I wanna scream cause it’s true. I’m sure that if asked, ZZ will say yes. Didn’t he say that if can re-shoot CQL, he will do all the scenes again? 😌

I’m also cackling at this part cause he now knows what it feels like to play that cold character like LWJ.

One of my feelings at the time was that you must not play him as a face, because the truth is that I really don’t want to play this kind of cold character. Most of them don’t have too many expressions. What is conveyed in front of the camera will make the audience feel like a person with facial paralysis. The audience won't believe it.

Which is the exact same fear WYB had to the point that he panics in some scenes cause what can he do when he can’t show much expressions. I’m here clowning about them talking about ZZ should play Shiying, probably WYB giving him tips. Do you think ZZ rewatched CQL and watched his Lan Zhan? LOL. I imagine WYB will get jealous 😂😂😂😂

Shi ying’s animal form also has a mole under it’s lip and yes it has always been ZZ’s “thing” even before WYB met him. However i think that WYB was the one who really put emphasis on it and add the heart with a mole onto that. Especially the “.” that XZ even started adding to his art signature.

for reference: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 3.5

END.

[rontra]

Can I ask how you hold your pen + tablet when you draw? (My wrists started hurting n I wanna figure out how to make it stop lol)

pardon any awkwardness in this post whether phrasing- or formatting-wise I’m typing it on my phone at like 8am HSBDBSB

I hold my pen in a pretty standard(???) grip like this

I sit at a desk (w a desktop computer) and do not use a screen tablet. So I try to keep a pretty upright posture. my tablet is laid firmly on my desk and I can look straight ahead while I draw, which is good for me (my neck/back can get sore easily)

However I do have wrist problems. I can’t always draw as much as I want to, and I often won’t “double dip” on strenuous activities (for example I usually decide whether to play a video game OR draw, and don’t do both on the same day)

(or I can only play specific games, like ones that are purely mouse-controlled (=opposite hand). You get the idea)

Without knowing your exact like, drawing setup and habits (and medical history for that matter) it’s hard to give specific like Hard Advice—but in general try to keep good posture (sit straight, try to use a seat with good lower back support, don’t hunch) and keep loosy goosy. try not to hold tension in your body if possible (including the fingers—hold your pencil loosely and don’t grip it tightly)

you might benefit from assessing How you draw and adapt certain parts to relieve how much work your wrist is doing (do you rest your hand on the drawing surface and rely entirely on wrist movements to draw curves/etc? Is it possible to raise your arm up from the desk and use your whole arm/elbow to draw larger gestures instead of causing repetitive strain to the wrist?)

(the settings in your art software—does your brush demand too much pen pressure? Can you adjust the pen pressure settings to respond better to a lighter touch? <- This was Huge for me!!!)

Do stretches before you begin. Take intermittent breaks to do stretches again while you draw. You can look up stretches for artists online!

If your wrists are already hurting then something is already wrong. You should be strictly resting whenever this happens and trying to minimize how much strain you put on your wrist, ideally until you feel no pain at all (and depending on how tender your wrist is, maybe a little after that too just for good measure). I use a wrist brace with a metal plate inside to keep my wrist as immobile as possible when I’m resting. If your problems persist like mine, a solid immobilizing brace is really a godsend. Don’t wear a brace while drawing, but put it on when you stop to rest (even if you don’t urgently feel any pain!)

The most hard to swallow advice—but also the most true—is that you should never work to the point of pain. This sucks, because sometimes I’m in a groove and a drawing is going really well and “if I just push through this slight discomfort the art will be finished and it’ll feel awesome”. This is The Deceiver. You never want to work until it hurts. If you (like me) tend to get caught up in the flow and find it hard to stop midway, get in the habit of checking in with yourself at a set interval (eg set a timer, or make up a rule based on your habits like “after every 2nd Monitor Youtube Video I half-watch while drawing, check to see how my wrist is feeling” (<- meee)) and if you feel discomfort or pain, you have to stop and rest

Getting into good habits NOW is the only way to protect your FUTURE wrist... So you have to bite this lemon for me and stop having fun when your wrist starts to complain. Which sucks a lot. But trust me HDNDBHS

Sorry if I sound like a big downer and/or a fussy worrywart but yknow. I have wrist problems that do prevent me from doing things I want to do sometimes and I hate to see it blooming in other artists 😭 take care of yourself anon!

I’m probably forgetting something because I’m very tired rn (and ironically my wrist hurts so I’m gonna put my phone down and sleep) but if possible you should ask a doctor to have a feel, and tell them any other symptoms (numbness, prickling, etc) if you have them. I’m not a doctor and idk what you have going on, but a wrist brace is pretty easy to acquire and wear, so I do generally recommend that!

Like tldr imo its about the preventatives (good habits like posture and taking breaks) and listening to your body (both during work and when resting in between work!). Wrist problems can get seriously bad if you don’t take measures to slow em down. Good luck! Take care of yourself!!!! 😭🫡

[geodetojoy]

For the ask game!

-If money weren’t an issue and you didn’t have to worry about work/paying rent/surviving capitalist hellscape what would you do with your life?

-What’s your favorite fic you’ve ever read and why?

-If you go back and relive one memory, which one would it be?

Ooo hello anon!!

Also this gets a bit personal near the end, especially in 3, which I guess is the point, but be warned!!!

1. I gave an answer for this a bit ago, I rb’d mysti’s post (I’m assuming you’re referencing that, I could be wrong)

But I’ll summarize anyway lmao

First, I’d run away. No exact place in mind, just away from where I am now. The only fragments of my past id bring with me are my cats, maybe one irl friend, and my online friends. Everything else, I’d leave behind.

I wanna give my cats the kind of life they deserve, bc right now they live in a basement with quite literally no access to the sun and it fucking breaks my heart.

I’d live somewhere pretty far out from society, likely near some forest, and I’d surround myself with plants and animals. I’d just love to be in a place with little to no light pollution and beautiful scenery. Not only would I love to live it, but I’d love to paint it too.

I’d focus on art more than anything. I’d finish WIPs, I’d have a studio in my house, I’d write, I’d study game design and make games, and so so much more.

I’d catch up on all of the videos and movies and music I need to see/hear

I’d let myself focus even more on my hyperfixations and throw myself into them entirely

And on top of that, I wouldn’t be afraid to accommodate anything for myself. I’d get rid of everything that causes sensory issues, I’d let myself stim constantly, etc. I just wouldn’t be afraid to be me.

(I think there were a few more things that I’m forgetting lmao so if you wanna dig for my last post feel free)

2. This is. The hardest fucking question I’ve ever gotten. How could you anon /j

There’s no way I could give just one answer so you get a list

1. Ok I can’t find a title bc I read this fucking ages ago but I loved it so fucking much it was a Pokémon fic where Ash and his greninja reunited and they had like telepathy, and it threw in a little bit of amourshipping as well which I used to be a huge sucker for. It’s mainly in this list bc of how well I can/could remember it; I would literally recite it to myself any night I couldn’t sleep bc a. I knew it so well and b. I wasn’t allowed on my phone after a certain time. It was also one of the first fanfics I ever read!

OK OK WAIT I FOUND IT ITS CALLED RETURN OF GRENINJA: UNITED BY ALEXANDRIA PRIME ON FANFICTION.NET

2. You Belong To Me by Smytherines!!!! I fucking love Spies Are Forever so fucking much and this fic kills me every time. Let my boys be happy!!!! Let them be soft!!!! Gah it’s just so beautiful and the art in it is fucking incredible!!! I could talk about it forever

3. Burning flames or paradise? Series by Insomnia!!!!!

Gah I love me some Smalletho!!! My boys just need to have a normal fucking conversation for once!!!

I’m also loving all of the new character additions and all of the relationships- I LOVE GEMS CHARACTER IN IT SMMM DUDE

4. To cradle love in open palms by svnnybee!!!!

The first Scarian fic I ever read and GOD is it a good one

Feat. scar being a big dumb boss and Grian being a little mischievous mole (but not for long bc he falls HARD for the guy he’s trying to spy on)

It’s just soooo fucking precious and sweet and I love them ok?

5. There is nothing more artistic than loving someone by Froggiestarrock!!!

Another Scarian one lmao but college au this time!!! Makes me cry every fucking time I read it dude it’s sooo good and we love some well-written disability rep for scar!!!! And aroace mumbo!!!!!

6. Take it all (even though I have nothing left) by Emojiconuser_456!!!

My absolute FAVORITE Qsmp fic

Charlie centric!!! My fav boy

I just looooove the way this is written and I loooove Charlie’s backstory and I loooove the way the slimes/magmas are written it’s all so beautiful and the WORLD BUILDING oh my god.

7. And how could I make this list without mentioning my writer friends!!!!

First we have eowynarchives with your lucky charm!!! A beautifully written treebark fic with wanderer Martyn and wizard ren!!!! I am in love with how it’s going so far it’s such a good story!!!!!

8. And continuing on we have my dearest soul-bound mother CharBeloved :DDDDD

They’ve written tons of stuff but my fav is Missing Memories, which is being rewritten with a new title of Found but Lost!!! It’s a really interesting genloss story with ciphers/puzzles (which I adore) and it’s got some fuckin crazy lore and I love it

9. Not a fic, but an author whose work I adore soooooo dearly!!! Quillandinktwink!!!! They also write spies stuff, curtwen specifically, and I could read all of their work until the end of eternity and never get tired of it. My fav of theirs right now is and you can savor every word which is a silly little confession story bc of silly little curt mega and his silly little hobby of journaling :)

10 ok I am cutting it here but the Ashamed series by TheBananaOwenSlippedOn (omg spies again who could have guessed) is an incredibly written au about Owen’s past (autistic Owen my beloved) and it’s soooooo painfully tragic and it makes me so fucking sad to think about the implications /ref

There’s so so many more that I didn’t include but I just genuinely can’t pick a favorite I just love fanfiction dude

3. Oooo another hard one!!!

I don’t wanna get too sad and depressing lmao but I don’t have too many good memories tbh?? Like I’ve had good experiences, I know I have, I just usually remember the bad ones, or smth happens that ruins what was once a good memory :/

And there’s tons of stuff that I’d love to go back and change, even if just a little bit, but that’s not the question LMAO

But I’ve got some in mind! And you’re getting another list deal with it /lh

1. My first ever dnd session!!! One part specifically that I’m SUPER fucking proud of-

So our party was kidnapped and imprisoned on a boat, and after we broke out we had to fight the crew. My character was a Druid, and she knew the spell Create or Destroy Water. So what I did was destroy the water in the sea surrounding one side of the boat so that the boat would fall backwards, sending everyone on board soaring in that direction :DDDD

My dm also played into this reaaaaaaly well and said that the lanterns lining the walls fell too and set the whole boat aflame it was fuckin AWESOME

2. My first time(s) talking to my moots!!!!! Mads, char, mysti, and now royal, if any of u see this, y’all have been the fuckin best part of my life and ily all so much I’m so glad to have met you :) <333333

3. The day I got two of my four (now one of my two, we have two away) kitties!!! I used to write about this every time we got a narrative writing assignment in school lmaoo so I’ll do a shortened version of that here >:)

So at my public library one summer, they were holding an event called Cat-urday where they brought a bunch of kitties from the local humane society for people to adopt! We went in, just having moved to a new house, planning to get two cats. I would get to pick one and my brother would get to pick another. I wandered around for a bit until one caught my eye. She was a mixed breed, almost resembling a tabby cat but with a white face, stomach, and boots, she was a few weeks old, and she had sprained her wrist trying to reach out of her cage. I picked her up to see if she would like me, and she practically melted into my chest.

Then, when we brought her home, she made my bed her temporary nest until she was fully nursed to health <33333

In summary, I fucking love my cats

(Btw I still have her, her name is snickers and she is so very dear to me :))) )

4. The day my mom discovered that I’m probably autistic

(I’m self diagnosed, that’s the only reason it’s worded like that)

While not necessarily something I remember fondly, it was an extreme fucking relief to hear that, a, someone else saw it too which really fucking helped with imposter syndrome, and b, I didn’t have to hide it anymore bc I thought that everyone I knew was veeeeeery ableist. Don’t get me wrong she’s still not great about it but just her knowing has made things a lot easier

5. Not one in specific, but I’d like to go back to a good time I had with my dad before I cut contact with him. Back when I thought he was a good person. Just so I could remember what it’s like for a lil bit

Edit: 6. I’d go back to the first time I watched spies are forever :))))))) GOD I fucking love that musical

This got….. incredibly long, sorry anon LMAOOOO

[fandomfluffandfuck]

i know imagining animatics/fanvids set to songs is a time-tested fandom tradition, and i vaguely remember that you talked about having playlists dedicated to characters, so i wanted to ask: do you have any songs in particular that inspires you to translate it into a different medium? (not necessarily for fic purposes)

like for example i recently listened to gravity by john mayer (the lyrics is so stucky-coded, which you know, ouch) and i'm vividly imagining making a stopmotion thing with paperdolls that have movable joints flat on the table, a snowy sky as the background, the bucky doll falling in slow motion (as the background streaks red) while we see the form of a chair slowly becoming visible at the bottom of the screen... and then it switches to a parallel scene where the steve doll's falling with the pieces of the triskelion floating in midair. then as he crashes into the river we see the bottom of it is the waterlogged version of the room he wakes up in the future, and as he lands on the bed it freezes him ❄ the frost spreads and spreads, until it reaches the other doll being held in its own cold prison, serving as a tomb where he slumbers ❄

...wish i knew how to outline things properly and break tasks down into manageable chunks lol, but it is very fun to think about making art! (but actually following thru ambitious projects is 😭)

I think you'll enjoy this post

Also, this post

I 👏🏻 LOVE 👏🏻 THIS 👏🏻 QUESTION 👏🏻

As far as imagining fics based on songs, you can very much see that I do that to some degree with the amount of fics I have that use song lyrics as titles, lol. But when that happens, it's not so much about hearing a song and then coming up with a fic concept based on the song, usually, I have the fic written, then a song comes on shuffle and I go Oh! Oh, This Is The Exact Vibe! This Song Has To Be The Title Now!

Your idea for the John Mayer song sounds beautiful and haunting, by the way! It perfectly fits that song! It would be truly, truly breathtaking. Just the idea in my imagination is breathtaking.

I have a vivid imagination, so usually when songs remind me of stucky and inspire me, I imagine fan edit type videos in my head. I don't know how to edit, though, and I have too many things going on to teach myself right now, so... they'll stay in my mind.

This got longer than I intended, lol

"What Was I Made For?" by Billie Eilish

I used to float, now I just fall down

I used to know but I'm not sure now

What I was made for

What was I made for?

Takin' a drive, I was an ideal

Looked so alive, turns out I'm not real

Just something you paid for

What was I made for?

'Cause I, I

I don't know how to feel

But I wanna try

I don't know how to feel

But someday, I might

Someday, I might

When did it end? All the enjoyment

I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend

It's not what he's made for

What was I made for?

That song vividly, vividly shows me Steve--Steve before he encounters the Winter Soldier and really begins to make a life for himself in the 21st century. Aimlessly wandering around Brookyln. Staring out into space. Frowning. Wringing his hands. Trying to figure out how he feels and who he is now that he's woken again to a new world. There isn't a war. There aren't any people he knows. What does he do? Who is he?

I mean...

"In Over My Head" by Grandson

When I was nine, I'd make believe

The good guy always caught the thief

The room went dark and I couldn't sleep

I was in over my head

At 15, I would look around

And all my friends had it figured out

They all thought it, but they never said out loud

I was in over my head

Oh, I feel this vertigo

Sick of being an optimist

I'm trying, I'm trying

But I'm in over my head

I'm in over my head

...

I thought I'd make change happen overnight

I was 20, thought I had a good hold on life

Didn't know it at the time, I was not alright

I was in over my head

Now I'm pretty sure at 26

That it isn't gonna be some little fix

The game wasn't rigged by accident

I'm in over my head

This is another Steve song. I hear this song and I see an edit showing us Steve from the playground, squaring up with bullies twice his size, Steve as a teenager, getting in trouble with Sarah, giving her gray hairs, Steve as a young adult, getting in fights in alleys, enlisting illegally, Steve in the military, standing up to his superiors, then Steve post-serum, post-war, entangled in his Captain America suit--watching the news after a mission, wading through the scene of a protest, frowning at his phone, opened to angry discussions on social media... he doesn't know what to do. He feels paralyzed.

(Also, "Left Behind" by Grandson also gives me MAJOR Steve vibes. He's stubborn. He cares so deeply about topics. All of that. I see Steve getting angry in that song, I see Steve crying with that song. <3)

"Black Vultures" by Halestorm

Black vultures circling the sky

Feels like the end of the world

But it's only the beginning of it all

Forget the things that you've heard

Been a survivor since I began to crawl

I'm falling down but I'm not out

The devils at my door

I don't give in, I don't give up

I won't ever let it break me

I'm on fire, I'm a fighter

I'll forever be the last one standing

Black vultures circling the sky

Pick at the pieces

Scavengers wait for me to die

But I'm not defeated

I'm on the edge of the war

I'm holding on and hanging by a thread

I am the eye of the storm

And you haven't seen the last of me just yet

This feeds my brain the idea of Bucky lying on his back on the ground, in the middle of fucking nowhere, a meadow that's muted and dulled. The sky is overcast. There are vultures and ravens flying overhead, circling, but also perched in trees at the outside of the meadow. He's exhausted. Worn thing. Greasy. Gritty. Bloody. He gets up, turning over to crawl, and eventually finds the strength to walk. To stagger. It cuts to black. And then there's a montage of destruction in the most beautiful way as he tears through HYDRA bases. Ending them.

"Devil In Me" by Halsey

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

I don't wanna wake it up

The devil in me

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, gotta wake up

Gotta wake up, come back to life

This is simple. At least, it feels that way to me, lol. It's purely Bucky. I see Bucky screaming, sweating, hair amess, after having a bad night, coming too close to horrifying memories through dreams, and trashing their [Steve's and his] bedroom. Thrusting the nightstand onto its side. Cracking the lamp. Ripping the sheets. Needing to do something. Squeezing his fists.

Finally, finally sinking down in the corner of the room to sob. Hands to his head, trembling. He sits there for who knows how long before Steve comes in and holds him. He tells him it's okay again and again and again. It is. They can replace everything. Sometimes you just need to get it out.

"Guilty (For Your Love)" by YONKA

You tripped on love, you got cut, you were bleeding

I carried you through the night, an emergency

I want to inhale your disease

I would do anything for you, I am guilty

I get goosebumps when you're near me

You're just like the movies

I am guilty for your love

...

I had monsters in my bedroom 'til you came along

You scared them off and kissed my head

Told me that they've all gone

You taught me how to stand up to my demons, that's real love

You been messed around so much, you forgot how to trust

Had the wool pulled over your eyes, but I ripped it off

I'm the pill you needed when you thought that you were all done

This is one million percent stucky in my head. I see so much with this song. I see them in war times, I see Steve getting up in a commanding officers face, throwing his own queerness in their face when the officer comes to deliver Bucky his blue slip. Yelling. Eyes lit with a challenge. They won't discharge Captain America. They couldn't. I see Bucky throwing himself in front of Steve. Blocking him from fire, from bullets, from danger and absolute death with his body. I see Steve taking the stand in Bucky's defense against the United Nations Court. They will only convict Bucky if it's over his dead body. I see Steve and Bucky lying in bed, sheets tangled, Steve's fingers tracing Bucky's jaw, his sharp cheekbones... yeah.

"Are You Really Okay?" by Sleep Token

Are you really okay?

You woke me up one night

Dripping crimson on the carpet

I saw it in your eyes

Cutting deeper than the scars could run

And don't you know

I can see it in you even now

And don't you know

I want to help you but I don't know how

And are you really okay? Yeah, yeah

Are you really okay?

And I, I cannot fix your wounds this time

But I, I don't believe you when you tell me you are fine

Please don't hurt yourself again

Just please don't hurt yourself again, oh

This song, depending on the mood I'm in when it comes on, flips back and forth between coming from Bucky's point of view, about Steve, or Steve's point of view about Bucky.

It's mostly the same either way, I see Bucky or Steve filling the role of the narrator in the song--waking up to see their partner bleeding, shaking, incoherent, and hurting. They're dazed. So hurt that they have a thousand yard stare and can't totally focus. The rest of the night is spent on the balcony of their apartment. Smoking a cigarette despite supposedly having quit, sharing it between them silently. When they slide back into bed at dawn, they're wrapped up so entirely in each other.

I hope you enjoyed my rambles, lol

[chevelleneech]

https://www.tumblr.com/chevelleneech/757565942198861824/httpswwwtumblrcomchevelleneech?source=share

i sent you this ask around a week before AYS aired and you said you don't agree with me which was fine by me but ig i was right there.

It was obvious, i even said that if jm was indeed in touch with jk for first half of 2023 as much he would mention jk but he didn't. I have said this same thing (refering to the post i linked) but no one quite belived. even the comments on this post are telling me otherwise and even ppl saying they lie things cause they wanna lay down.

Tkkrs noticed it ain't any genius move it's just them repeating what they're repeating for a decade it's nothing new. They don't accept same thing about TK when ITS happened is because don't wanna accept it cause it burst their bubble of "taekook couple". Shippers love thinking it's always rainbow and sunshine that's why they don't talk about things when something different is happening. JKK thing was also obvious if you see it from neutral pov but no one was ready to look at that way. although i thought they might have met whenever jm promised jk he would but seems like they didn't....seems like i was wrong about that or maybe they did but it's not enough for them.

I remember saying that it doens't look like jkk call eachother often given how oblivious jk was for many of jm's things and ppl telling me what not but jungkook said the exact same thing. I said if anyone is couple no matter what you make time for eachother like that. if you can make time for others you WILL make time for your partner. I'm not being a bitch here nor am I taking this as any gotcha moment but just saying that it was obvious to some of us.

Now about TK's issue being not obvious then no even their thing was bit obvious. The awkwardness was there. You don't need to do much but just pay attention to what members say and you get what kind of rs they share. Even Taekook weren't seen hanging out together anywhere in all those years. jikook has always been hanging out. that's why this hanging out thing was obvious cause all the hangouts TK had in late 2022 and 2023 was wayy more than their decade long friendship while as jikook who was seen together publicly many times was not spotted by anyone anywhere and that tells you enough. I agree that they might not be the ppl who would go outside and do adventure like TK do but i know for fact that they love going to eat outside. You cannot tell me the duo that's been seen hanging out publically soo many times is suddenly not seen by anyone for so many month?

I agree with everything else you said in that post.

I appreciate you returning and standing on what you said, but I must do the same. I still don’t really agree with you, because my opinion is not that they aren’t together. My opinion is that they were not in as of a traditional relationship as I initially assumed. An opinion that changed last year, when the JK stalker video was posted.

I’ve always been open to being wrong, but their behavior remained same enough for me to think they were just being more private than not, but that video made me think perhaps there was much more complexity to their situation than I thought. Now, I feel very confident in that speculation. I think they absolutely were in a relationship that went beyond platonic, and I think 2023 was them realizing that relationships, even if more casual than shippers assume, took effort they never had to exert due to their proximity as band mates. I think AYS is them trying, and not them just being friends who are reconnecting.

So the reason I said I disagreed and still do, is because you seem more along the lines of someone who doesn’t think there’s anything going on between them. Which is fine, you don’t have to, but where you believe they’d have made time if they were actually a thing, I think they failed to realize how much time they needed to make. Which is why they ended up doing the show, and why they ended up enlisting together. Whether or not they are a couple by traditional standards is not for me to state, but I don’t think they’ve ever been platonic. At least not in the sense that they’ve never had feelings for each other.

I also think it was more blame on both sides than it reads like you said, in that you wish JK would have followed through on going to see Jimin. My new interpretation of how things might have went, since I didn’t think this prior to AYS, is that both of them stopped showing up. Which is a sure fire way for a relationship to fade. Platonic and romantic alike.

Other than that, I don’t think you were wrong, because I can’t tell you what’s right. But again, I do think we’re still in a disagreement on what we think their relationship is and was.

[emeraldbabygirl]

This has been in my drafts and I am constantly thinking about this and I’m just gonna post it cause I wanna get it off my chest. Might delete later and Idk if it’s gonna like offend anyone cause can’t predict nothing no more about what people find offensive but hey if you read it you read and I cannot control the feelings of others this is just something that has been bothering me for like a few years and I just wanted to get it out and I guess since tumblr is my new diary...

I’ve been filling out white and alaskan native/American Indian on every health paper ever since I was a child, I’ve always done it my sibling and mum have always done it. I grew up believing I had Native American in me, yet I was somehow ashamed that I was native I thought I would get made fun of or that I was a joke. Now that I’m older I’m still a joke. I thought that if it was in my blood and in my ancestry then it mattered and it was better than nothing but it’s not. I’m trying so desperately to belong because I’m tired of being seen as white I got tired of the comments and feeling bad about my skin color and tired of all the things I see in the media and read about that I thought I’ll just unofficially identify as Native American and learn more about natives, as I grew up in a white family. But there’s no point. I grew up in a white family I am white, I have pale skin and blue eyes and dark blonde hair. My mum has dark skin but brown hair and blue eyes. She and my brother have thick hair, I have a great aunt with thick hair and what my mum and I call an Indian nose along with my mum, my great uncle had brown eyes and thick black hair my father’s mum thought she was Native American and had all these art pieces and statues of natives but no one on my father’s side was native. He always said he had German and Irish on his side while my mum had Indian on her’s, she just recently found out she had some Portuguese and black somewhere further down the line, her great great grandfather (idk how many greats) was born and raised on a flathead reservation, Idk which one, my mum’s great aunt tried to go to one of the tribes in Missouri but they wouldn’t let her in, my mum was told the flathead tribes were in Montana and then I find out there’s Salish tribes up in Washington. I have a friend who is Cherekee Indian and she has visited the reservations a lot, she’s got brown hair and brown eyes and darker skin than me, she has Indian pieces passed down or handed to her from her tribes, she’s met with one of the Salish tribes chief up in Washington. I have done none of that I am the stereotypical “white girl who goes to Starbucks” for years I never once thought about my skin color or my race in a bad way I just thought I was mixed with many things but the past 3-4 years I’ve been shoving this Native American blood or whatever you want to call it down my own throat because I hated my skin I hated being white I hated being called white and I wanted to belong. I wanted to be proud of myself in any way I could. I started to braid my hair more often because it made me happy, I bought a book written by a Native American, I got sweatshirts with tribe names on them I followed natives online I felt like I was in a spot where I belonged for once that I was comfortable again with who I was I was learning more about flatheads and all kinds of things I was looking at native products online and watching videos on how to do stuff like beading and making frybread, I was making frybread for the first time in my life, my mum had been wanting to make it for awhile I was doing all this stuff cause I thought it was helping and making me feel better and proud of who I am and it’s done the exact opposite. I spent 21 years of my life having never stepped foot on a reservation, having never learned how to bead or make frybread or go to a powwow, (and I’ve always always wanted to go to one), I know few things about Native Americans and their cultures compared to people who are actually Native American, compared to people who are aware of the cultures and beliefs, aware of what their people went through, their people not my people, I was calling them my people, my mum is 1/16 native yet has native features, if only it would’ve been kept in the family then maybe I’d look the part but it didn’t all my ancestors mixed and the ending result is what I’ve always been; white. I hate it. I wish I wasn’t white I wish I had a culture and a way of life I wish I had something to be proud of I wish I had people that I was around to teach me everything I wish I belonged,

I wish I knew the history and was able to see things differently. The reason I don’t always agree with things involving native Americans, like why dressing up as one for Halloween is wrong or why it’s important that the tribes get their land back is because I am not them. Other then my supposed native family I’ve seen two other people that I could tell were truly native. If I say “oh it doesn’t matter if I don’t look it I am” or “it’s in my blood therefore I am” but it’s more than that it’s about the way you live the things you stick up for the people you surround yourself with it’s much more then the color of your skin or deciding to not celebrate thanksgiving anymore and all of a sudden make frybread cause you want to claim you’re native. Just because it’s in my families past doesn’t mean it’s still around. I’m like 00000000.1% native and I literally know next to nothing compared to people who are 100% or even 50%. And I want to learn I want to learn how to make frybread or bead or speak in a native language I want to be around other native people I want to hear stories and traditions from others I want to learn about the history and the culture I want to belong but I don’t think I should. Even my brother calls us white and asks me why I’m on a “Native American kick” or why I’m “obsessed with native Americans all of a sudden” i just wanted to feel good about myself and feel like I belong so I grabbed that 000000000.1% and ran with it. Ran right off a cliff tbh. I don’t think I should be calling myself Native American if I don’t know next to nothing about them. I don’t think I should be trying to be someone I’m clearly not. I’m just the same loser I was when I was a kid. And I feel even more stupid for wanting to name the kittens Salish and aponi (because it looks like one of the kittens has a butterfly on her face) and for wanting the company jacket that I might not even get to say Salish on the back instead of my name, I am not part of the Salish tribe I have no card I have no certificate I have nothing, I put mmiw and Salish and flathead in my bios on my social medias and it’s basically a lie I mean I know about mmiw and what it stands for but how can I support something like that if I know nothing about it and I’m not native. I’m just for some reason faking the past two years of my life I’m just a total loser bro. I think maybe I’d rather just be unalive. Or like I’ll hear parts in songs or see idols doing something that Native American might find offensive and wrong I I say “oh I see it as representation” or Mia and the butter of the logo change of the winter hawks or the landmarks and name that get changed that I don’t see a problem with but others do yet I’ll say that the teepee in this mv isn’t okay but I was okay with that one Tara mv or I was okay with gildes fire performance but not seungri wearing a headdress or that I find people making and selling headdresses online isn’t okay but me wanting to have one even tho I know you don’t just get one of buy one like all these things that I see “differently” it’s just that I don’t understand because I’m not native enough or not at all or the whole hair argument that’s been bothering me for like a year now that I still don’t understand and why Native American are totally ok with it but it seems like the rest of their culture is something they don’t want to share.

[xpeachesncream]

it takes two | one shot (myg)

summary: min yoongi was the one who came to understand you and took you for you. but, when boundaries start getting crossed and priorities begin to change, you start to question if your relationship with your bestfriend is strong enough to make it through.

pairing: athlete!reader x athlete!myg

genre: bestfriends to lovers au, basketball au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 12.3k

warnings: cussing, mature language/implied sexual content, protected AND unprotected sex (later on), slight breast play, oral (f. receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms, missionary, riding/straddling, mentions of alcohol consumption, dancing, mention of marijuana, sex on the beach kinda?, some heavy angst, insecurities, crying, injuries (like a cut/ankle sprain), yoongi is just kind of an idiot at one point

note: heavily inspired by the movie love and basketball. unedited for the most part, pls excuse any spelling/grammar errors.

tags: @ggukkieland​ @miinoongi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @unicornbabylover​

⏏︎ now playing: triggered - jhené aiko ; sorry enough - chris brown

First Quarter: 6th Grade

You didn't really have a lot of friends in elementary school. Any, actually. Hell, the girls in your class purposely ignored you because you acted different. Dressed different. Enjoyed the shit boys liked, like playing ball and video games. You couldn't relate to their gel pens, Lisa Frank folders, cute binder stickers and bracelet charms. None of that shit was you. But you didn't care, you were fine by yourself. Nobody to please, nobody to care for.

The only person that came to understand you was Min Yoongi and that's because you played basketball with him and his friends during daycare. At first, it came as a surprise because truthfully, you felt like Yoongi only let you play because he felt bad for you. Which, okay, whatever— so be it. But, after the last round during a game of two versus two, you found yourself on the ground, huge gash on the knee from chasing after the ball before it could go out of bounds.

"Ouch! Crap!" You groaned as you sat up and checked out your knee. Yoongi walks towards you and crouches down, examining the bloody gash.

"Come on." He says, holding out a hand to help lift you up. He swings your arm over his shoulder, already knowing that any sudden movements to your knee can make the wound sting. He takes his time and walks with you as you hop on one leg towards the office, not really saying much. Yoongi wasn't the most talkative in class. He hung out with two or three other boys in your class on the daily, but they were quiet. Weren't much troublemakers, didn't cause ruckus like the other boys did. But, he was still popular among the girls because he was a little cutiepie. You remember walking into the bathroom, hearing Angie and her friends tease her about her crush on Yoongi. Then, the following week, one of her friends also ended up crushing on Yoongi and they bickered [weirdly] in the bathroom about it.

Getting to the office, he sits you down on the bench before approaching the office admin to grab some bandaids and ice for you.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Min?" Mrs. Yao comes over to greet him.

"Y/N's hurt. Can I get a bag of ice and a bandaid for her, please?" Mrs. Yao looks over her shoulder and does a head tilt before sighing. She knew you weren't like the girls in your class, always getting hurt one way or another, being more hardheaded and stubborn than the usual. She grabs a bag of ice and hands the supplies over to Yoongi before placing her hands on her hips.

"You think you can take care of Miss Y/N, or do you need me to help?" He shakes his head.

"I got it, thank you Mrs. Yao." He politely says, giving her a small toothless smile. You silently watch as he walks over, crouching down once again to tend to your wounds. "I don't think this will hurt, but stay still so I can put this bandaid on." He says softly as he spreads the small Neosporin packet across your wound. He wipes his finger down on his pants before removing the back of the bandaid and pressing it against your knee. "There. You should keep the ice on it so it doesn't bruise and stuff." He stands.

"Thank you." He nods as he watches you stand and slightly limp before you adjust your steps to the right pressure. He follows you out, coming back to your side with his hands in his pockets.

"Why don't you act like the other girls?" He asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.

"What? Not liking all the girly stuff that they like?"

"Sure, or you playing basketball. You know girls are usually like cheerleaders and cheer the guys on instead."

"Well, I don't wanna be a cheerleader. I just would rather play. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing, it's just weird to see."

"You're weird." You snapped back.

"How am I weird?"

"You shoot weird."

"And you don't? I shoot better than you." He furrows his brows.

"No you don't."

"Fine, wanna play one more time? Unless you're a wuss and can't play cause of your knee." You rolled your eyes at the sudden change of events.

"I'll play you, I'm not a wuss. Unless you're afraid to lose to a girl." You taunt him as you both walk back to the court.

"Whatever, I'm not afraid cause I won't lose." He grabs the ball and checks it in. "My ball first."

"Sure, if you think that'll help."

And that's how Yoongi lost to you, busted knee and everything. From there, it was history. You became inseparable, Yoongi becoming a large part of your days and vice versa. His parents eventually became close to yours after the numerous times you both have been dropped off to hang out, or catching rides home after school. Yoongi lived in a nearby neighborhood, only being a good 7 minute walk, to be exact.

Second Quarter: High School, Senior Year

In high school, it became a little different. Yoongi grew up, played varsity basketball and became a fucking jock even though he claimed he would never. Yeah, bullshit. You too, played on the girls varsity basketball team, and surprisingly, you two kept each other close. It was a blessing and a curse though, because you couldn't see your life without Yoongi. He's been there since the 6th grade. However, girls took note of that shit. Trying to use you as their way in to Yoongi's heart, or pants, or both. You made it very clear though that you weren't interested in being a fucking messenger. Girls thought you were mean, but really, they just couldn't handle you. Hence, why you really couldn't relate and be one of them.

Yoongi was still the only person who could understand you and handle you, bad attitude and all. Tomboy habits and all. Not wanting to make friends and all.

"Jesus fucking christ, the day just started." Yoongi says as he watches you toss your duffle bag and backpack aggressively in the back seat of his car. "What's your deal?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired." You slump in his passenger seat after buckling your seat belt.

"Chill, don't start your day like this."

"Whatever, dad." You rolled your eyes, causing him to let out a pathetic chuckle.

"Are you coming to my game later?"

"Yeah, if I'm not too tired from practice."

"Y/N, I always make it to your games even if I'm tired."

"Do you?"

"The fuck? Yes I do. When haven't I?" His tone raises with yours. "Don't try and justify your shit by coming up with lies."

"Yeah, yeah bighead. You'll have plenty of cheerleaders there for you."

"Yeah and?" He smirks. "You're the one I'll be looking for though." He caresses your chin, making you smack his hand away while he laughs loudly.

"You're stupid." You groan as you sink lower in his seat. The rest of the ride to school, you shut your eyes and enjoy the peace before you're having to walk down those annoying, congested hallways.

People rave a lot about senior year, but it honestly hasn't felt special to you. Maybe because you kept the same routine since freshmen year, or maybe you really just didn't care as much as everyone else did about how "special" it was. You've always been locked in to basketball even if your mom wasn't a big fan of it. She wished you were more into cute, girly shit, like makeup, shopping, manis and pedis and dresses and heels, but she came to accept this was the way it was going to be. Especially because your dad was your biggest fan. You came to love basketball, more than just a side hobby. You joined the varsity team and practiced day in and day out. When basketball wasn't in season, you'd play with Yoongi at the park or sign up for camps and tournaments. You just wanted to keep bettering yourself so that you could play in college and get into the league post-grad. Yoongi was the same, and he may or may not have influenced your passion for ball. Either way, he was always supporting you and cheering for you even if the other females hated it.

His ex for sure hated the relationship you had with him even though you really steered clear when she was around. Wasn't your fucking problem or responsibility to take care of her insecurities. Same with his flings.

"Hey, so later, yeah?" He asks in between throwing nods and smiles to girls passing by.

"Mhm." You hum. "You gonna be free for lunch later?"

"I don't know. I know where to find you though if I am."

"Have a good day, punk."

"You too, bub. See you in English." He turns on his heel, walking towards his friends, aka his team members. Aka his jock ass group. Aka the ones females flock to.

Namjoon, Jimin, Eunwoo, Lucas.

They were all pretty boys who knew they were pretty boys and used that to their advantage to make big asshole moves. You hated that Yoonks got pulled in from time to time, but shit, it wasn't your life, you were only a small part of his. Sometimes, they also pulled in the football boys, Jungkook and Seokjin. Even the baseball boys, Hoseok and Taehyung. It was all a huge pretty boy, jock, asshole group in the making outside. A big fucking party for a lot of the girls at school, though.

So even if Yoongi was really the only one in your life, you weren't the only one in his. It is, what it is. As long as he doesn't go switching up on you, then whatever, so be it.

The first half of your classes go by quick, being that you enjoyed your chemistry, french and english classes. You had your english class with Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok. You had gotten to know Namjoon and Hoseok a little through it, and it was enough to know that they weren't all that bad. At least in this classroom setting.

"You two going to prom together?" Namjoon asks, making Yoongi snort.

"No, what the hell?" Yoongi responds.

"You guys can have fun at prom." You roll your eyes.

"You're really not gonna go?" Joon bites on the end of his pencil.

"No? The fuck I look like?"

"Y/N, I know it'd be weird as fuck to see you in a dress, but it's senior year. You didn't go last year, did you?" Namjoon asks from Yoongi's other side.

"Really, Namjoon?" You give him a look as if it could state the obvious.

"Well shit, I don't know. I know it's not your thing but can't really say I would have noticed either way." Hoseok laughs, causing you to throw your pen at his head before flicking him off.

"Miss Y/N!" Mrs. Maxwell calls you out mid-movie, eyes wide and in disbelief at how you're acting.

"What?! He started it." You slumped back in your seat and let out a sigh.

"Not another word." She says sternly.

"Not another word." You mock her under your breath.

"Aye, stop. You and that attitude boutta get in some trouble the last weeks of senior year." Yoongi puts his hand on your wrist, causing you to shake your head and click your teeth.

"Anyway, you should go." Hoseok whispers as he leans over on the table to look at you.

"No. Besides, with what date?"

"Take the basketball." Joon snickers.

"You're a complete dumbass, Namjoon. Stop talking." You snap.

"Maybe they're right, bub. It's senior year and it's coming to an end quick. I'd hate for you to regret it." Yoongi turns to you and says lowly.

"You know that won't happen." But really, part of you did feel a little bad. You knew it wasn't your scene, and you really didn't care what people thought of you when it came down to it. However, you always wondered what it would be like if someone liked you. If someone wanted you. Crushed on you so hard that they couldn't keep their hands off of you, couldn't stop thinking of you. Your first love. To feel pleasure, pain. Mixture of emotions simply by being in love. You wondered what it would be like to lose your virginity and have good, good sex. Besides, you were a human with needs. But the only person you have ever been close to was Yoongi. For the most part, you didn't see him that way because you knew he definitely didn't. But, you also couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to take your relationship to that point. If it was anyone, he would be the one you'd have feelings for. He would be your first kiss, your first everything. Because Yoongi was comfort and security for you.

But you valued your friendship more than anything.

"Just saying, think about it." He follows up.

"Think about getting an expensive dress and painful ass heals to wear for one night, just to dance around in 'em and take one professional pic with a date? Maybe get railed if I'm lucky?" You playfully wiggle your eyebrows making Yoongi shake his head.

"Don't be such a party pooper for once."

"Mmm. Great reasoning. Really convincing me here." You laugh it off even though in all honesty, you were thinking about it.

The bell rings and thank god it's finally lunch because you were fucking starving. Appetite and attitude on na-na, no doubt. You silently part ways with Yoongi to stop by your locker and grab your lunch. You make your way to the rowdy ass cafeteria, quickly scanning the room to catch a sight of Yoongi. You see him sitting on top of one of the lunch tables with Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin and Taehyung sitting around him. Clearly, Yoongi wasn't free today.

"Wassup baby? Wanna trade that ball in for me?" Jimin says as you pass by their table to make your way outside to the bleachers. You flick him off before rolling your eyes and pretending to gag.

"Fuck off, Park." The group laughs except for Yoongi.

"Wonder if she's got that bad attitude in bed, too." Yoongi doesn't hesitate to smack Jimin upside the head because yeah, no matter what, he was gonna protect you as much as possible. "Owwww, I'm just kidding Yoongi."

"Don't let me hear you say that shit around me ever again."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. It was just a joke." Jimin winces as he rubs the back of his head.

"Damn Min Yoonks, why don't you take her ass to prom if it's like that?" Taehyung says, chewed up food coming into full view as he smacks loudly.

"Why don't you learn how to close your mouth first?" Yoongi spits back.

"Y/N is really rubbing off on you."

"It's manners, idiot. You should've been learned that." Namjoon says, laughing.

"But foreel, why won't you take her? You both are close, you've never seen her that way?" Hoseok asks making Yoongi shake his head in response.

"She's my bestfriend. I value her just the way she is, no more no less."

"Ah, you must have thought about it at least once." Yoongi keeps silent. Luckily, the group easily gets distracted and starts paying attention to Seokjin and Jungkook coming over as they talk about the dates they've scored for prom.

Yoongi has thought about it. Still does. Just like he is for you, you're the only one who understands him and takes him for who he is. You know the real him besides basketball player Yoongi. You're the only one who keeps it real. But he would rather keep it this way than ruin things between you and him. He'd hate to fuck up with you because he knows he can fuck up, there's no hiding from it. He'd never forgive himself if he lost you.

Practice is hell today for you and fuck, you really wanna just go home and lay down for the rest of the evening. Coach had you all running suicides and conditioning drills on the courts outside and pulling scrimmages against each other left and right. Let's not forget how coach is always on your ass right before a game too. Hell, she catches an attitude way worse than you before game time and after a loss. You wanted to avoid that at all costs. But, to avoid taking the bus home and instead hitching a ride with Yoongi, you throw on a hoodie and haul your ass to the gym in some nike slippers. You take a seat on a free end at one of the bleachers, holding Spalding in between your legs with your duffle next to you on the floor. The game is off to a start in about 5 minutes, Yoongi catches sight of you on the bleachers and nods. You give him a small smile as a gesture of good luck, which he reciprocates.

The game starts off intensely, both teams scoring closely even with the boys putting straight pressure. Towards the end of the first half, Yoongi and Eunwoo are the leading scorers, putting their team up by 10. Halftime is a bunch of hoo-haa, with cheerleaders in their itty bitty skirts, trying to shake their asses as they cheer for the boys. The boys don't even hide the fact that their ogling, and it's clear as day they all want some pussy. Quite frankly, they walk around thinking they deserve it cause of how hard they try to pull some wins and put the school on the map. Student government comes up for a bit too, pulling some kind of skit to weirdly promote prom. It makes you cringe and in all honesty, it makes you not wanna go even more, but it is your senior year. If you can snag a date, then maybe.

"Hey." Terra [not a cheerleader but still a pretty, popular chick] plops next to you with a smirk on her face. Immediately, you want no part in it because you already know what she's trying to do.

"Hi?"

"I'm just gonna cut straight to it. Do you know if Yoongi is seeing anyone?"

"How the hell would I know, Terra?" You furrow your brows at her.

"Because you're close to him, aren't you?"

"And? Doesn't mean I'm telling people his business. Besides, he's not obligated to tell me everything just cause we're close." She rolls her eyes.

"Whatever. Look, can you do me a favor and give this to him?" She tries handing you a little ass piece of paper folded neatly with a pink heart decorated on the front.

"Why don't you give it to him yourself?"

"That's no fun." You scoff and roll your eyes. Really, miss girl? "Be a doll for once, yeah?" She winks and slips the note in between your wrist and Spalding so it stays put. You take the note and eye it, letting out a deep sigh as you shove it into your pocket. You weren't in the mood to be extra rude today so you'll give it to him later when he drives you home.

The game finally finishes with Yoongi making a final three, the boys keeping their lead up by 10. Everyone cheers and showers the boys with love after the team has finished shaking hands and high-fiving their opponents. You stick around until the crowd dies down, watching Yoongi flirt with Terra as you swing your duffle bag strap onto your shoulder before slowly heading down the bleachers.

"Hey bighead, good game today." You lightly punch him against the chest.

"I knew you'd come."

"Shut up. I'll be at your car."

"For what?"

"Cause you're taking me home, punk."

"No please?"

"Please." He shakes his head and chuckles before you part ways to let him gather his things in the locker room. When you finally catch sight of his teeny head coming towards you from the gym, you hear him unlock his car to let you in while he continues to walk over.

"Fuuuuuck." He says, throwing his things in the back before buckling his seat belt and switching the gear into drive.

"You have fan mail." Yoongi looks over and sees you clutching the note Terra gave you.

"What's that, a condom?"

"You're sick. It's from Terra."

"Who's that again?" You make a face at him.

"You were just telling her sweet nothings earlier after the game?"

"Oh, Terra with the tig o' bitties. Got it." He shakes his head. "I wasn't telling her sweet nothings."

"Right. You're an absolute dipshit, you know?" You prop up a leg on the seat while you unfold the letter.

"Give it!" You move it away from his grasp and begin to read it out loud.

"Yoongi, you're honestly so hot. If you don't have a date for prom, I just want you to know that I'm free, and I promise I'll give you a good time if you take me." You cackle. "Boy, what the fuck is this? Ew."

"Shut up." He blushes before laughing along with you.

"Look at her, writing her coochie out on paper."

"She isn't."

"Oh, really? Pfft." You softly scoff. "So, are you taking her or what?"

"I don't know? Maybe, damn. What about you?"

"What about me, fool? I told you I'd think about it."

"Go with Jimin. He still doesn't have a date." He hates to say it with how much of an asshole Jimin can be, but if it meant you'd be at your senior prom then Yoongi will let it pass. He'll make sure Jimin doesn't try any slick shit.

"Ew, god no."

"Look, I'll make sure he doesn't go overboard. I promise."

"Why do you want me there so badly, Yoongi?"

"Because it's our last year in high school together and I'd really like to celebrate with you somehow." You sigh heavily.

"Fair enough. Let me sit on it."

"Better hurry and stop keeping that seat warm."

"Don't rush me." You punch his arm, causing a groan to erupt from him.

- - -

Really, you'd rather be anywhere than at prom with Park Jimin holding onto your waist the way he is for the pictures you're taking with him, Yoongi and the rest of their group and dates. After all the pictures and fake smiles, you feel him slowly slip his hand down your dress to try and get a grip on your ass, but before you could do so, you're grabbing his wrist with full pressure and making him wince.

"Don't you fucking dare or else I'll cut your dick off and throw it in a blender."

"Aish, ah, fuck! Okay, I'm kidding, let me go!" He whines lowly. You let go of his wrist after one more good squeeze, causing him to wiggle his hand to get the feeling back.

"Get me some punch, will you? My mouth is dry."

"You know, I might know something else that can help." Jimin wiggles his eyebrows as he continues to hold onto his wrist.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me."

"Or not. I'll be back." He accepts defeat by smiling from ear to ear before walking off. You sit off to the side, the heels a huge pain in the ass on top of Jimin already being a huge pain in the ass. You lean over on your knees, completely forgetting you have a short dress on, causing boys passing by to whistle and eye at the easy access.

"The fuck are you looking at? Keep it moving." Yoongi says pushing the guys forward before shooting you a look. "Y/N, really?"

"Shit sorry, I forgot. I'm not used to this." You sit up and adjust your dress before rubbing your arms at how self-conscious you suddenly [and unexpectedly] feel.

"Are you having fun at least?" He sits next to you, manspreading on the seat in the navy suit he has on.

"Mmm, sure." You slightly smile at him. "What about you? You actually took Terra, huh?"

"Yeah, it's pretty fun." He chuckles. "Don't lie, I saw you dancing a bit earlier."

"That's when the alcohol hadn't worn off yet." You snort, remembering Seokjin's older brother giving the group alcohol after all the parents were done taking their pictures of you all. Yoongi laughs along with you before he looks over and simply stares at you, hair all done, makeup done perfectly without it being too much. You in a dress.

"You look beautiful tonight, bub."

"You don't look too bad yourself, bubby." You blush before Jimin interrupts the moment with your cup of punch.

"Here, princess."

"You better not be trying anything slick, punkass." Yoongi says.

"Mm, don't worry. I haven't been able to." You kick his shin as you chug your punch, causing him to cough and choke on his own words. "I'd like to peacefully have this slow dance with you at least, damn." You swallow the last bits of punch before you're taking Jimin's hand to the floor. Yoongi watches as you two make your way to the dance floor for a slow dance, slightly regretting that he didn't just ask you to dance.

"Let's dance, babe." Terra's baby voice comes out as she pulls him up from the seat to find a spot on the dance floor. Yoongi is honestly tired of having to keep up with Terra's energy and her clingy ass, but nonetheless, he was happy you were around for prom.

He was really happy you were around for prom, even though you hated this shit more than anything.

He had you in full view ahead, and so did you. He couldn't help but direct his attention towards you and keep his eyes on you. Fuck, he has never seen anyone so beautiful until you walked through Seokjin's doors with Jimin. Look, let's get this straight. Even though you had your own way of expressing yourself, he always loved your natural beauty, your natural glow. He loved watching you on the court and how happy it made you to play ball. He remembers every accomplishment, every milestone you've reached. How you've grown tremendously as a ball player. He would never admit it to you in person, but he definitely admires how you push yourself and how you always do what you can to improve. Hell, you might just be the better player between the both of you. And when you catch him looking over, he doesn't even try and hide it. He doesn't even care that he's still holding onto Terra and slow dancing with her.

Something within you flips. You feel that shit in the pit of your stomach, at the heat of your core.

But, you brush it off and break eye contact first, even if he doesn't stop staring. This couldn't happen, no. This was your bestfriend. You weren't gonna let the things you felt get in the way of that.

Nope.

Suddenly, the song changes to something more upbeat and twerkable, Jimin taking the opportunity to spin you around and grind on you. You really need a distraction anyway, something to rid you of those god awful thoughts about your bestfriend, so you let him and you have fun with it. Everyone around you is having fun anyway, and fuck, you wouldn't have to do this ever again so fuck it.

"Let me get a dance with my bestfriend." Yoongi says to Jimin.

"Go dance with your date!"

"Shut up and switch for a second!" Yoongi says, pushing him off of you so he could get behind and dance with you.

"Yoonks, what the hell?" You laugh.

"Go with it, bub. It's fucking senior year, we're graduating soon." You go with his movements, having the time of your life with everyone around you as prom quickly comes to a close.

When you get into Jimin's car, you knock off your heels as he continues to talk nonstop about the night. Jimin was a cutie but god, you could not stand his mindset for the life of you. You were grateful he had agreed to take you to prom, but damn. Prom was done and all you wanted was some peace and quiet.

"I hope you had fun with me tonight." You give him a toothless smile before slipping your heels back on.

"I did, thank you for taking me. Really." He smiles from ear to ear before leaning over near your seat.

"Can I get just one good smooch for the night?" You look at him before you smirk and lean over near his lips.

"Sure." You whisper.

"Oh fuck, this is actually happening."

"Close your eyes, I know you don't fucking kiss with your eyes open. What are you doing?"

"Right. Sorry." He closes his eyes and puckers his lips. You lean in a little closer, feeling his breath against your lips.

Then you flick his nose.

"Ouch!"

"Peace out, Park." You throw open his door to step out and shut it behind you to quietly walk into your house.

The lights are off and your parents are already tucked into the room for the night, leaving you a note on the fridge reminding you to make sure all the doors are locked before retreating to your room. You do as you're reminded before quietly shutting your door and tossing your heels to the side. You let the pins down from your hair, ruffling it around a bit and relieving any pressure on your head. Before turning away from your dresser, you notice a letter from the one university you had been waiting on. You had been waiting to hear back from Stanford for the longest time, and quite frankly, you had been upset you hadn't heard especially when their scouts were at your game awhile ago.

You had broken down to your parents, to Yoongi, automatically assuming the worst when you heard that other people had already been accepted and scouted for Stanford. Suddenly, you found yourself working harder and harder because you felt like you were lacking in so many areas. You felt low, and like your dream was running miles and miles away from you. Faster than you could keep up.

You take the letter in your hand, but don't want to open it because you don't feel ballsy enough [surprisingly]. You call up Yoongi, not caring that he could possibly be in the middle of getting his dick wet.

"Sup?"

"Are you busy?"

"I was just about to walk into my house."

"Oh, nevermind."

"Need me to come by?"

"I got a letter from Stanford."

"Shit, I'll be there in 2 mins."

And in 2 minutes, he surely was knocking at your window. You slide it up enough for him to climb in, Yoongi still in his prom get-up as well.

"Here." You instantly hand him the letter.

"What, why me? It should be you."

"I can't, I really can't." He sighs.

"Are you sure you won't regret this?"

"No, bub. Please." You sit on the bed and fiddle with your fingers as you watch him rip the envelope open and tear out the letter. You can't even keep your eyes on him as he reads the letter and starts backing away from you.

"Shit."

"What? What?!" You stand, trying your best to keep your tone low. He covers his mouth, causing you to pinch his bicep at how dramatic he was being. "Just say it!"

"You're not going." Your heart sinks, but before you could process it, Yoongi speaks up again. "To any other college because Stanford wants you."

"I'm going to fucking kill you!" You whisper and shove him.

"Congrats, bubby. Guess we'll be together in college too." Your eyes widen.

"Y-you're going? T-to Stanford?" He smiles and nods.

"Yeah, I am."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Look, I just wanted to give you your space. That's all. I found out before you went all cry baby on me."

"Shut up." You say before laughing and jumping into his arms, throwing your legs around his torso while he swings you around. As he sets you back down onto your bedroom floor, your hands linger around his neck, gently tugging on the hair that rested there. He keeps you close, his hands resting around your waist as your chests are still touching. You honestly have no idea what takes over you— perhaps all the feelings you felt tonight at prom taking over, or feeling overjoyed from finally hearing back from Stanford, you couldn't decide. But you crash your lips against his, immediately pulling back after you realized you've just kissed your bestfriend.

You just had your first fucking kiss through accidental causes.

Well, shit.

Was it accidental or no?

Mind is going off on a tangent.

"Woah. I'm so sorry, Yoonks, I—" He doesn't allow for any space between you two, keeping your body flush against his as his lips crash onto yours again to cut you off. To be quite honest, things are moving fast and the kiss deepens quick. You follow his motions, gaining some rhythm as your tongue dances along with his in the [now] wet, sloppy kiss.

"Wait, Y/N." He pulls away as the moment intensifies. "A-are you sure you wanna keep going? To be honest, I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself back and I know you haven't exactly—" He knows it would be your first time and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. I mean, sure, he loved you. You were special to him. But he wanted to make sure your first time was also special, whether it be him or whoever else.

"Please. I want this. I wanna do this with you."

By the looks of tonight, it seems like it's meant to be him.

You press your lips back onto his with the same intensity and start to unbutton his shirt when you feel his hands hike up your dress. He gently pushes you on the bed, crawling over to you as he kicks off his shoes and finishes ripping off his shirt and tie. He slowly removes the straps of your dress down your shoulders and undoes the zipper on the side before slipping it down and leave you in your panties.

You had no bra on.

Yoongi's eyes widen when he realizes such, your cheeks heating up while you watch him stare down your body. You begin to feel incredibly self-conscious so you cover your chest with an arm. Yoongi senses your uneasiness, your confidence shooting down below zero.

"You're beautiful, bub. Don't." He says, gently tugging your arm away and letting it fall limply to the side. You simply nod and let him take the reigns because you had no idea what the fuck you were doing. So many emotions were flooding your mind— you were nervous, you were scared, you were shy, you felt lost and too innocent under Yoongi, even if he knew you like the back of his hand.

And because of that, he could pick up on it with the way your body continued to tense up. He shook off his pants, leaving on his boxers until you were ready for him. Cause fuck, he was ready for you, but he had to take this slow. He had to take care of you.

He lowers himself onto you after the two of you have climbed under the sheets, lowering his head against your neck to press light, feathery kisses along the surface. You felt the tingles shoot down your spine every time his lips made contact, causing you to softly gasp and arch your back at how sensitive you were already feeling.

"If you ever feel uncomfortable, just tell me to stop okay?" He says lowly. You nod in response, Yoongi taking it as leverage to plant a kiss on your lips before moving down to your breasts. He keeps his eyes on you, making sure you don't seem uncomfortable in the slightest bit. But you don't, and it's indicated in the way you bite your bottom lip and arch your back at the way his tongue wraps around your hardened bud. He does the same on the other breast before peppering kisses down your stomach and abdomen.

"Yoongi." You slightly gasp, shy at how unusually close he is to your lady friend.

"What's wrong? Want me to stop?" His thumbs gently caressed your thighs as his head hovered over your pelvis. You shake your head and nervously swallow before speaking once more.

"I-I'm just scared, what if you don't like—"

"Shh." He shushes you. "You're everything to me, you know that. You don't have to change just so I could enjoy you in bed. I'll take good care of you, bub. I promise."

"O-okay." He nods, placing a kiss over your clothed clit before pulling them down to get lost within your sheets. He swipes a finger down your folds, causing your breathing to hitch slightly. You watch as he slowly inserts the same digit inside of you, biting onto his bottom lip watching your facial expressions turn from uncertainty to straight pleasure. "Another." You moan.

"You sure?"

"Yes, please." He inserts another digit, curling his fingers upward as he starts to finger fuck you at a steady pace.

"Shit, you're so wet Y/N." He says lowly before lowering his mouth onto you to get a taste and tease your clit. You gasp at the overwhelming sensation, feeling the pleasure bubbling in your core and you had no idea how to deal with it. He picks up his pace while tonguing your clit and sucking at the right pressure until suddenly, you short circuit and tremble under his grip. You purse your lips together to prevent yourself from moaning too loud with your parents at the other end of the hall [jesus fucking christ], knuckles turning white as you grip the sheets tightly.

Your first orgasm came and washed over you quick.

"Did you just—" He removes his digits from inside of you, drooling at your cum accumulating all over his fingers.

"Holy fuck." You whisper as you regulate your breathing, twitching when Yoongi places a quick kiss on your pussy before coming back up to you.

"How was that?"

"So good. Wanna feel you." You whine, tugging him down towards you.

"I got you, bubby." He says, kissing your jaw, cheek, nose and lips. He reaches over into his pants on the floor, grabbing a condom out of his pocket. You furrow your brow and chuckle, confused if this was something he always did.

"You just carry that around?"

"The guys and I split on a box and carried one each for tonight. Just in case."

"Total fucking assholes." He chuckles.

"Better safe than not, right?" He rips it open with his teeth, spitting the wrapper out onto the floor before rolling it down his cock. He was perfectly thick and long, and it made you a nervous wreck all over again thinking about how this could feel. "Ready? I'll go slow." You nod. You immediately felt immense pressure when you felt Yoongi dip his body and slowly enter you. You winced, Yoongi immediately pausing until you tapped his arm to continue. And so he does, and you continue to breathe through it until he bottoms out and lets out a soft groan against your neck. "Fuck, you're so tight bub. God, you're gonna make me cum quick." He slowly pumps in and out, steadying his pace when he feels you buck your hips up to go along with his motions.

The pleasure skyrocketed; You shut your eyes, letting yourself be in this moment. Feel this moment.

He picks it up a little faster, careful not to bang your headboard against the wall. His forehead is pressed against yours, watching as you let out soft whimpers against his lips.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Yoongi-Yoongi—" You whispered. "You're gonna make me—" It was becoming overwhelming, your clit rubbing against him as he steadied his pace and continued to fuck into you. He nods, pressing a kiss against your forehead.

"Yeah, that's it. Let go. It's okay." And that was enough for you to reach your second orgasm tonight. Quick, but fuck. Yoongi made you feel so good, and you wouldn't want it any other way. You shut your eyes as you hurdled over the edge, mouth open with silent, inaudible moans being released. "So fucking pretty." Yoongi says as he feels himself reaching his high with the way your walls pulsated against his cock.

God. So, so good.

He holds onto the headboard and quickly fucks into you until he's spilling his seed in the condom, muffled moans being released against the crook of your neck. It takes a moment before Yoongi raises his head, your hands running through his black hair while he presses a tender kiss against your lips. He slowly removes himself, wrapping the condom in a tissue before tossing it into your trash can. He plops next to you and welcomes you into his arms, caressing you to soothe you from your first time.

"You okay?"

"More than okay." You say, the both of you trying to savor the moment before trying to navigate where to go from here.

What now?

Third Quarter: College, Junior Year (Present)

You bent down, hands resting against your knees as you tried to catch your breath during the timeout Coach Chu had called with 5.2 seconds literally left on the clock. He laid out the play he wanted you and the team to pull off in order to gain the win over Berkeley.

It had to be executed perfectly. No flaws.

Coach Chu had been riding your ass since you were a freshman. But, over the years, you've learned how to work through his tough love and turn it into positives, bettering yourself on and off the floor. It paid off, and he saw the fire in you, finally moving you up to starting point guard right before the season ended. Some team members hated it at first, but eventually, grew to work with it as well.

The plan was to have you come down into the paint and lay up the ball or take a shot at the very last second to avoid Berkeley from getting another chance at scoring. Sometimes you hated the pressure, but you've also learned that a big part of playing ball was thriving under pressure.

Your team closes up the huddle before you and your teammates are heading back out onto the floor to try and get this win. You shake off the nerves, bouncing the ball out of bounds until you check it in with your teammate. After that— it was like a blur. Shit happened so quick, you couldn't even process it. You passed the ball and dashed over to the other side of the court while your teammate put up a screen. You rose your hand as you ran into the paint, adrenaline rushing through your veins as you awkwardly lay up the ball in the position you were in and stumble onto the ground from losing your footing. You turn your head as the buzzer went off, noticing that the ball had bounced off the rim.

You missed a fucking lay up.

How could you miss a fucking lay up?

"Fuck!" You cry as you sit up and smack the floor.

"Aye, it's all good girl! Ain't a big deal! You win some, you lose some! We still got a ways to go!" Your teammate [roommate, and closest college friend] Clarice said as she helped you up. She was right, but every loss to you was a big loss no matter what. Coach was for sure gonna drill you about this too, and you were already mentally preparing.

"Thanks." You mumble. You look out at the disappointed crowd slowly dispersing, wishing you could still catch a familiar face in the crowd.

But, Yoongi hadn't been to your game in years. So you thought. You never caught him if he ever stepped foot into your game.

Your head hung low as the familiar feeling of pain and loneliness came rushing back while you headed to the locker room. Too bad you didn't see him hiding out on the side of the bleachers with Lucas.

"Y/N, a word." Coach Chu says, leading you into his office.

Fuck, here we go.

You shut the door behind you and stand awkwardly in front of his desk, fiddling with your fingers.

"Look, I just want to say that you put on hell of a show tonight, win or lose. We still have plenty of games left, plenty of opportunities to lock in play-offs. Alright? Don't be upset."

"Thanks Coach." You give him a tiny smile.

"Are you doing okay?"

"Uh, yeah. I think so."

"What's on your mind?"

"Nothing coach, just been a hectic couple of weeks." In which, it was no lie. You crammed for test after test, project after project. You barely had any time to breathe this year.

"Well, my door is always open if you need to chat." You nod. "I'll see you at practice. Enjoy your night."

"Thanks again." You say as you exit his office and get yourself showered and into comfier clothes.

Meanwhile, Yoongi heads back to his dorm room alongside Lucas, hands dug deep into his pockets while his head hung low.

"You ever gonna talk to her?"

"I don't know." He sighs. "Pretty sure I fucked up any chance of that."

"Look, dude. You haven't really been the same since you and Y/N fell out." Yoongi stays silent as they slowly climb the steps up to their room. "Why are you just gonna leave it like this? It's been so long already. Doesn't it bother you?"

"Positive she doesn't want me around." Lucas shakes his head.

"You haven't even tried. You just gave up and that shit is cold, to be honest. I know Y/N always held it down for you, I would have expected you to do the same." The words cut through Yoongi so deep, he doesn't even know how to respond and leaves it at that.

As you heavily dragged your body back to the dorms and took your sweet ol' time, your mind began to wander back to Yoongi as well. After he had taken your virginity that night, things took a turn for the worst.

He treated you differently, created this distance that allowed you to grow farther and farther apart from each other until he was no longer in your grasp and vice versa.

You went from Yoongi being a part of your every day to nothing. And fuck, did it hurt you. You cried and cried, until you were so tired of crying. You had to pick yourself up and keep it moving no matter what. Life waits for nobody.

You reminisce on those days of debating over who could really be considered the greatest. Although, you did pay your respects to the bigs, the greats— Kobe, Magic, MJ, Lebron— you paid respect where it was rightfully due. However, Derrick Rose at his prime? Rajon Rondo? Chris Paul?

Hell, even Baron Davis, Monte Ellis. Rookie Steph Curry? Shiiit. They were it for you, and Yoongi used to dog your ass on how unrealistic you were being.

That was all gone.

He must be having a ball watching Steph climb up those charts now, though. You wonder what he would say to you.

The days of going to basketball games, to each other's basketball games, to ordering hella pizza and creating chaos in either house over the dunk contest during the NBA All Star Week or yelling all around the living room and jumping on couches during the NBA playoff season and championship games— All gone.

If you knew this would drastically change you and Yoongi, you would have never let that night happen. You continued to put on your brave face, your thick, tough skin even though deep down, it took everything in you to suppress the hurt, betrayal and confusion. Even after all these years.

He meant everything to you. Did you not to him? You could never understand until this day. How could he dispose of you so, so quickly?

You see him on campus and quickly break any eye contact, or run the opposite way. You were tired of doing this even though you felt like you needed closure. Some explanation. You deserved it. But you weren't gonna initiate that. Even if Yoongi did, you don't even know if things could ever go back to the way it was. He promised he would never hurt you, but he has. He still is hurting you. The wounds— it cut deep. Deeper than he could ever imagine.

"Hello?" You smile, hearing your dad on the other line.

"Hey dad."

"Hey baby! How was your game? I'm sorry I couldn't catch it tonight, work kept me behind." You sigh.

"Eh, it's probably good you didn't. Didn't turn out so well." He picks up on how your voice cracks ever so slightly, enough to indicate that you were trying your hardest not to break down about your performance. "I missed the winning shot."

"Oh sweetheart, you'll get 'em next time. You always do. You still have a couple of games left don't you?"

"Yeah, but it doesn't change the fact that I played shitty as hell tonight."

"There's always room for improvement, only way to go is up from here right?" He says softly, making you smile. "You'll get 'em next time, I have no doubt. You always know how to better yourself even when I think you've already reached your highest potential."

"Thanks Dad. You always were my number one fan."

"I still am." He chuckles. "How's everything else? School?"

"Fine." He always has to stop himself from asking about Yoongi, even to ask if there's been the slightest change to your relationship.

"You sure?"

"Course." You lie.

"Alright, well you know me and your mom are here for you if you need anything."

"I know."

"I'll let you go and get some rest, alright? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Mmm, I'll try." You chuckle. "I love you."

"Love you too. And hey, baby?"

"Yeah?"

"Always remember that you deserve everything good in this world. If someone can't handle you at your worse, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best."

"Thank you." You smile as if your dad can see you through the phone before hanging up and unlocking your dorm door.

"Sigma Nu party going on tonight, wanna come and slide through?" Clarice asks as she watches you toss your duffle aside.

"I'm tired, not in the mood."

"So aren't I, but I think we both need it. Come on girl, just for a little." You sigh. Clarice had also been there by your side since you both were freshmen recruits. One day, she came into the room and found you a crying mess, causing her to wrap her arms around you and craddle you until you calmed down. You had spilled the beans about Min Yoongi, especially when he quickly became the talk of the campus as a ladies man and one of the best freshmen recruits Stanford has ever seen. You hated it, but a part of you still found yourself happy that he was getting the recognition he deserved as a ball player.

He wasn't the tallest, or the biggest, but boy had heart and played every game like it was his last. You had been his number one fan, and even though you hated him, that fact would never change.

Anyways, without Clarice, you weren't sure where you'd be. Definitely not here because you'd be too busy running away from your past and all the issues that came with it.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead and say it. You would be stupid enough to not go to your first choice just because of a stupid boy.

"Fine, fine. I'm leaving as soon as someone wants to start acting up and getting all crazy though."

"Deal." She chuckles. You've learned how to dress up a little more— and by a little we mean baggy sweats, a crop tight fitting tee and chapstick. No way in hell you'd get dolled up for a party. Out of the years you've already been here, you probably went to two parties. One being the party Coach Chu threw at his house for a record-breaking season. The other was a legit party that you stepped foot in for all of 2 seconds before you figured it was time to head home, especially after seeing Yoongi hugged up with some chick and disgustingly tonguing her down while groping her ass.

Shit, you were never gonna get used to it.

The frat house is fucking packed and wreaks of weed even down the corner. You and Clarice push your way through, greeting people who were acknowledging your presence and waving at your other teammates that were also present.

"More basketball babes have arrived, let's go!" One of the frat guys cheers as you and Clarice make your way to the kitchen where all the alcohol is laid out.

"One shot?" She asks as she already has her hand wrapped around the Svedka handle.

"One and done." You tell her. You shouldn't have let her pour the shot though because now, you're stuck with nasty ass vodka near the halfway mark of the cup. "Clarice, what the fuck is this?"

"It's called savoring our one."

"You're fucked up." You joked as you tap your cup against hers and take the shot in three chugs. "Really fucked up." You wince.

"Come, lets go see what the other girls are up to and hang out for a bit." You follow her lead to the corner of the living room, chatting it up with your team before dancing around in the little corner you all occupied— keeping as far away as possible from sloppy and messy dudes.

You turned to eye the crowd at some point, catching Yoongi coming down the stairs, a female following from behind holding his hand. Then, they disappear to the outside of the house. You swallow the lump in your throat, the room feeling hotter than it already was.

Why he still had this affect on you, you had no idea.

Clarice and your teammates are too busy cracking jokes that they don't realize you've slipped away to get some air. You're finding that the crowd has come bigger in the short amount of time you've been here and navigating through it has become difficult. You're having to bob, weave and shove your way out, letting out a sigh the closer you get to the front of the house. You're also really glad you've been able to steer clear from—

"Shit, my bad." You unintentionally bump into someone making your way to the front from the side of the house due to you keeping your head low.

"Y/N?" You whip your head around to see Yoongi raising a brow, dropping his arm from the same chick's shoulders.

"Hi." You give him a fake, tight-lipped smile and rush your way to the front of the house. Thank god you finally make it because you were starting to feel claustrophobic, even being outside. However, you weren't prepared for Yoongi to come after you and grab your wrist the way he did.

"Wait, I didn't expect you to be here." Out of defense, you quickly snatch your wrist away from his grip and furrow your brows at him.

"Yeah, and now I'm leaving."

"Why, hang out for a bit—"

"And what, Yoongi? Watch you be the life of the party? Watch you walk around all fine and dandy like shit never happened between us?" You feel the tears welling up on your bottom lids, but you promised yourself you would never cry over him again. You refuse to. He had already taken up so much of you that you refuse to give him any more.

"Is that what you really think?" He says, the hurt apparent in his expression. To be frank, no. Yoongi really, really never meant to hurt you. And just like he had mentioned before, he would never forgive himself if he ever hurt you. He hasn't forgiven himself. He hasn't forgiven himself for how he let you slip out of his grasp when it was his own fault for pushing aside his feelings for you. He thought the world of you, the only woman who kept it real with him and stuck by him through the highest of highs, lowest of lows. There was no one as special as you, no one who could ever be as special as you, no matter how many times he tried to sink his dick into other females.

No one was real like you.

But, he was also conflicted because of that. He felt like he couldn't give you the love you rightfully deserved, he didn't think he could love you properly. He had so much to learn and he didn't wanna hurt you in the process. It sounds so fucking stupid [because it is] that he thought distancing himself was better than just being honest. He was a dumbass high schooler, he didn't know any better. But, he never meant to make you feel special for one night, then run from it. You were always special to him. You had always been. You always will be. And these past years hurt like a bitch, but he coudn't find the words to explain. Eventually, he just believed he would do less damage if you both remained distant this way.

Although, he longed for you. He really needed you just as you needed him. He always has, always will.

So when the two of you bump into each other tonight, he felt like maybe, it was a sign. Maybe it was time to stop being childish.

God, he missed your face.

God, he was a fucking asshole.

"No, I'm not doing this shit." You shake your head. "Just— continue to stay away from me, okay? I'm better off without you." The words sting you, but it doesn't sting you as much as it stings Yoongi. You glare at him once more before you turn on your heel and begin walking down the street to head back to your dorm.

"Y/N! Wait up!" Clarice calls for you, eyeing Yoongi as she passes him to catch up with you down the street. "Hey, hey. You okay?" She swings her arm around you when she catches you silently crying to yourself. "What did he do, Y/N?"

"He fucking exists, that's what." You groan. "Ugh, fuck! I'm not supposed to be crying over his dumbass, I'm better than this Clarice— Why the fuck am I crying over it?" You break down, crouching down to your knees, causing Clarice to hover over you and pull you into a hug.

"Maybe you just need to let it out and stop forcing yourself to not feel anything."

"I hate him, I hate him, I hate him." You bawled into your arms. "I hate him so much." She caressed your back. "But he still finds a way to mean so much to me."

"I think it's time for you two to talk."

"I can't. It's just better this way."

"Are you sure? Because look at you, Y/N. You're a mess, and this hasn't even been the first time you broke down about him. As much as you want to believe that you're fine without him, you're not. He was your bestfriend and I think you need him more than you even know yourself."

"He's doing fine without me."

"You don't know that, baby. Dudes are annoying as fuck because they can literally go on about their day and mask that shit well. If he's ready, let him explain. Hear him out. You both may be misunderstanding the entire situation." It takes you a good minute before you can finally gather yourself and make it back to your dorm room with Clarice.

She was right.

But you were so angry more than anything. You were angry and you weren't sure how you could get past it.

He left your side. 

And so the next day, you go about your day in class, staying quieter than usual during practice. For the most part, Coach Chu was always on your ass because of how vocal you were and how much you caught an attitude when things didn’t go the way you'd like it to. So, to see you this quiet, almost sullen even, concerns him. But, he already pressed you once and he wasn't gonna do it again to avoid irritating you any further.

You run the usual conditioning drills, practicing play by play before a final scrimmage game for the night. You push yourself hard like you always do, almost coming out of practice dry heaving from how tired you are. It was your bad habit though, you wouldn't quit until you got it right. Until you felt right. And unfortunately, it's another one of those nights where you feel unsatisfied with your performance. So, you take it upon yourself to continue practicing in the empty gym that was set to close within the next hour. You're tired out of your mind, and you know this is probably a bad idea, but you can't shake off the feeling of dissatisfaction. To you, that was the next worst thing. Right behind Yoongi.

You begin to work on your three pointers, lay ups and shots out of range before you start to play a scrimmage game with yourself.

"I'll play you." You suddenly hear, the sweat beads dripping down your forehead at this point. You watch Yoongi as he drops his water bottle off at the side of the court before walking over to you.

"Go away."

"Afraid you'll lose?"

"No, I just don't wanna play your ass." You shot up the ball, only for it to bounce off the backboard and land in Yoongi's hand.

"Ball up. Let's play till 10."

"Why the hell do you wanna play me, Yoongi? Don't you have a random chick to bone?"

"I'm clearly standing right in front of you aren't I? Quit fucking talking and play." He aggressively passes you the ball to check it in, you following suit, making the ball damn near bounce off of his chest with how hard you pass it back. He knew exactly how to rile you up.

You get into the zone quickly, trying to find some kind of redemption for the way you had been feeling lately. Redemption, validation, way to take the edge off— anything, really. It was only until the first person scored to 10, but Yoongi was putting up one hell of a fight, jet black hair parted down the middle and matted to his forehead from the sweat building up. You take the lead, sitting at 8 while Yoongi sat at a sad 6 points.

"Ball." You call out as you scored a layup, ramming yourself against the padded wall with the force you had put up.

"That's 10."

"Ball, Yoongi." You huffed and puffed.

"Stop, don't overwork yourself. You just got—"

"Suddenly you care? Stop being a pussy and pass me the goddamn ball." He furrows his brows as he passes you the ball, crouching down to meet you at eye level to try and guard you. You run towards the right of the court, pulling a pump fake before you pivot to get away from Yoongi's guard. You pivot hard and drive it up to the basket, only to fall on the wrong footing and twist your ankle on the way down. "Ouch, fuck!"

"Shit, Y/N!" Yoongi comes to your side, hand supporting your back as the other is on your ankle.

"I'm fine, leave me—"

"Stop being so fucking stubborn and let me help you." He says angrily. You don't say anything else while you fix your position on the floor. "Can you wiggle it at least?"

"Y-yeah." You wince as you wiggle your foot and roll it around a couple of times. Phew, at least this shit wasn't gone for good. But Coach Chu still wouldn't be happy to hear you sprained your ankle releasing your anger on Yoongi during a dumb game. Yoongi helps you stand, arm around your waist as he throws your arm around his neck and holds you steady by the wrist.

"Try walking on it."

"I can, but it hurts a little." Yoongi sighs.

"You just sprained it. Let's go get you some ice or something at the nursing center before going back to your dorm." You silently nod as you hang onto Yoongi for extra support, careful not to make the situation any worse than it already is. He has you sit on the chair within the nursing center, the nurse coming over to wrap your ankle nicely before giving you crutches and some instant hot compress to pop onto it. She orders for security to drive you two over to the dorm building in their go-cart so that you wouldn't have to do much walking on your foot while you focused on healing.

Yoongi doesn't leave your side, even after you've walked into your dark, empty dorm room, not really knowing where Clarice is at right now [possibly library]. He shuts your door and sits you on the edge of your bed, setting your crutches near your bed side and your instant hot compress.

"You need anything else?" Your head hangs low as you slightly chuckle and shake your head.

"Why are you doing this?" You ask him lowly before looking back up at him, tears clouding your vision. "Hm? Why, Yoongi?"

"You're hurt, why wouldn't I—"

"Hmm." You hum. "I'm hurt? So where the fuck were you after prom night? When I was hurt then, where the fuck have you been?" You began to cry.

"Y/N." His tongue swipes over his lips before he sighs. "I'm sorry." He says, close to a whisper.

"Are you? Because I don't think you really understand how bad you hurt me." You aggressively wipe away your tears while continuing to look at him, his body language soft and full of regret. "You didn't care about me."

"How could you say that? I cared—" He sighs as his head drops for a second. "I care about you more than you know."

"If you did then why the fuck was it so easy for you to drop me the way you did?!" You yelled. "You just don't do that to the people you care about, especially if it’s your bestfriend."

"Look, you're right. I have no excuse for the way I acted, and if I could turn back time to re-do it, I would. But I can't, and the only thing I can do is apologize and do my best to make it up to you." His bottom lip trembles as he steps closer to you, a small frown forming at the corners of his mouth.

"Yoongi." You cried. "I did everything for you, I stuck by you through everything, even during the times you didn't deserve that shit from me. But I stayed! I stood by you because you meant everything to me and god—" You groaned. "I needed you. I needed you and you weren't there! I fucking hate you for doing this shit to me but part of me will always have love for you no matter how fucked up the situation is. I will always drop everything for you. I will always care about you, and it's so unfair." It broke Yoongi's heart and he didn't know what to say, but he wraps his arms around you anyway, keeping you in a tight hug against his chest. He's surprised that you let him, even more surprised at how he feels your body soften under his touch.

"Fuck, I'm so, so sorry bub." He says lowly as he presses a kiss on top of your head. "I'm so sorry."

"Please don't ever go again." You cry against his chest.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna be right here." He says hugging you tighter. "You're the only one who's ever understood me, who's ever kept it real with me. I don't deserve you, but I know damn sure I'll work hard to make up for letting you go in the first place." He places another kiss on top of your head. "I'm right here. Not going anywhere. I'm so sorry."

- - -

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

"THE STANFORD BOYS TAKE THE CHAMPIONSHIP!" The commentator screams into his mic, Yoongi running a lap around the court before he's cheering loudly with his teammates and joining the group hug. You run down the bleachers, dashing straight into Yoongi's arms while he swings you around.

"That's what I'm fucking talking about!" You squeal and giggle as Yoongi places you back down and plants multiple kisses around your face, hands resting on the small of your back.

"Let's get out of here." He whispers in your ear.

"I'll wait at your car, bighead." You wink, causing him to smile that gummy smile of his that you adore more than life itself.

There's obviously a huge party going on tonight to celebrate this huge achievement, but Yoongi says he doesn't wanna join for once. He's happy, yeah. But the way he wants to celebrate is in peace. After so long, he feels like he can finally say he's content with where his life is at and where it's going. He drives over to the nearest beach, backing into a space so the both of you could sit in the back and try catching all the shooting stars up above. Yoongi leans against the side of the trunk, allowing you to lay your head on his lap while you curled up beside him listening to the waves slowly crash against the sand.

"Saw one." He says, looking up at the sky.

"You're a punk, no you didn't."

"What?" He laughs. "How are you about to say that? I caught it with my own two eyes."

"Oop! I saw one!"

"Now that's a lie. I was looking up too."

"Shut up." You laugh, causing Yoongi to tickle you along the sides before he stops and plants a kiss on your lips. It's silent for a minute while the two of you take in the night view— The sky and ocean coming together as one, forming a view that seemed endless.

"Hey."

"Hm?" You hum as Yoongi's fingers gently brush through your hair.

"You know I love you right?"

"Ew with the sappy shit, Min Yoongi." He laughs.

"Seriously."

"I know." You smile up at him. "I love you too."

"Come here." He says softly, tugging you upwards. You sit up, allowing Yoongi to press his lips against yours. He pulls you in by your shirt, having you straddle his lap while he grips onto your hips and immediately grinds against you. You let out a small moan feeling how quickly he hardened, his cock hitting you in the right places as you continue to grind on him. "Fuck, wanna feel you babygirl."

"Here?"

"Yeah." He chuckles and bites onto his bottom lip.

"What, all of a sudden you're scared?"

"Fuck off." You fire back, releasing his hardened member from its confines as you stroke him gently. He tilts his head back in pleasure before tugging your shorts and panties to the side, enough for him to cop a feel of how wet you are.

"Baby's all wet."

"What're you gonna do about it?" You whisper against his lips, biting onto his bottom lip and pulling back slightly. He hisses at the sensation before he moves your hand from his cock and takes control. He pushes you upward, positioning you enough to line up with your entrance.

"Take this shit off."

"Yoongi, we're in public."

"So, you're all talk and no play."

"I hate you."

"Nobody's here." He groans. "Just take off your shorts, pleeease." He begs as he slowly strokes himself. You toss aside your shorts, Yoongi immediately hooking his finger at the bottom of your panties and tugging it aside in order to push himself into you. He does enough before he lets you do the rest of the work and sink down on his length, a gasp leaving your throat as you take all of him in. He grips your hips tightly, setting the pace as he groans into your neck, your fingers tangled in his hair resting at the nape of his neck.

"Shit, babe." You moan as you tilt your head back.

"Fuck, you always ride me so well." He presses light kisses against your neck before he's nipping at the surface.

"Godddd why do you feel so good?" You whimper.

"You like how I feel inside of you?" You nod. "Yeah? Like how my cock fills you up?"

"Never gonna get tired of it." You moan, Yoongi making you pick up the pace aggressively. Besides the waves crashing, the lewd noises of skin slapping against skin fills the car, along with your soft moans and Yoongi's groans. Your clit is constantly rubbing against him, causing the pleasure to build so quickly it becomes overwhelming. You try to hold off as much as you can but—

"My pretty baby. All I fucking need." He almost growls, the words enough to send you over the edge. You let out a loud moan, not even caring for the houses nearby as your orgasm hits hard and ripples throughout your body, sending aftershocks. Yoongi continues to have you ride him fast and hard, the overwhelming sensation causing a hint of pain to mix with more pleasure until  you feel him feel you up. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" He groans as his nails dig into your skin, giving two good thrusts upwards into you to help ride out his high. You both sit in the position for a minute, trying to come back down from your highs. Yoongi gives you a delicate peck on the lips, smiling into the kiss before he pulls away. "Swear you're all I need."

"See, I don't know if I could say the same." He smacks your ass as you hike up and off of him to put on your shorts.

"Take it back."

"I'm kidding." You blush.

"My ride or die. Are you with me?"

"Always have been. Are you?"

"You know I am."

"Good. You know it takes two." He smiles before pulling you into another hug and pressing a kiss against your temple.

[atpaftmoom-bily]

Thoughts about Erik, why Wilhelm wasn't allowed to come out, and more.

Be warned, this is long, confusing, and I'm not even sure if I made any valid points. But I had thoughts on Young Royals, with no one to talk to, so here you go.

I've seen various different takes on Erik and what people thought his reaction would have been if Willie had come out to him, most of them being positive, and some as well saying how sad it was that Willie never got to come out to his brother. I have a different take, but bear with me it's gonna take a second to get there.

Something that I found interesting in the first place was that when August found out it was Simon and not a girl, he just seemed shocked, but not in a homophobic way that I had kind of been expecting.

Additionally, let's take a look at the comments on the video, I've split them up into three different groups. General comments (disbelief, surprise, pity, etc.), comments sexualizing them, and negative comments. (I've translated these as well as I could as they were not all captioned, but if I've made a mistake feel free to let me know!)

General Comments "OMG Have you seen this?? The Prince is gay!!!!" "Who's the other guy?" "I'm dead" "Finally some news to put Sweden on the map!" "Poor boys, I feel sorry for them" "So clumsy to get caught on film" "I know where he lives!" "I think the video is fake" "Love for the boys"

Sexualizing Comments "Royal porn" "Sexy" "Love" "Sexiest video ever"

Negative Comments "How will the monarchy survive this?" "The end of the royal family, time for Sweden to become a republic!" "Never been ashamed about being Swedish until now" "Class traitor! Your mother cries for your sins"

Now, there are quite a few things I want to point out about Sweden that I feel should be taken into account here. Of course, we don't know the exact dates that the show took place, but we do know it is modern-day, and though it is a work of fiction, I am going to assume that anything that is currently true in Sweden at the moment, give or take a few years, would also be true in the Young Royals universe.

The first point I would like to make is that Sweden is one of the most LGBT-friendly countries, even being named the most friendly country in 2019. Looking back in history, 1944 was when Sweden decriminalized sexual relationships between consenting adults of the same sex, though it was still thought to be an illness. However, in 1979 it was no longer considered an illness. Fun unrelated fact, but Sweden was the first country to legalize gender change in 1979. (If you'd like to read more on LGBT rights in Sweden here are some resources. One. Two.) If Sweden is that progressive and is that LGBT-friendly, then I wondered what the problem was with Willie coming out, so I dug some more.

I'm American, so my understanding of many parts of the world is unfortunately skewed or incomplete, but I'm working on changing that. However, because of this, one thing that surprised me in my research was that the monarchy in Sweden is more of a unifying symbol than anything else. They have no political affinity or formal powers, but rather "the King’s duties are mainly of a ceremonial and representative nature." Of course in the case of Young Royals, the Queen inherited the throne, and Wilhelm would after her.

Something else I found interesting about the monarchy in Sweden is that the current Queen, Queen Silvia, did not come from a line of nobility, so when Queen Silvia and King Carl Gustaf married in 1976, it was highly unusual. (See more on the Swedish monarchy here.)

There is one last thing I want to point out about the current King and Queen. "In summer 2000, King Carl XVI Gustaf and Queen Silvia of Sweden made history when they ate under the rainbow flag at Djurgårdsterrassen, a Stockholm restaurant owned by gay owner Arto Winter. At that time, the decision was seen as controversial, and played a valuable role in moving conversations forward – while making the royals’ position abundantly clear." (Source)

Now, of course, I understand the difference between a fictional work and real-life situations, but at least in my opinion, these same ideals should carry through to the show that we see. If the King and Queen in real life have been openly supportive of the LGBT community since at least 2000, then although specifics might not be the same, some of those ideals should carry through to Young Royals, so what is the problem, right?

I'm not trying to erase the reality of homophobia altogether, because of course, that exists. We even see in the show through comments that there are some people who are worried about the state of the monarchy, are disgusted, or downright still think that not being straight is a sin, but we also see other comments as well. If Wilhelm were to come out, what would happen? Would there be some backlash? 100%. Would there be people who would support him? Also 100%. Would it make his life harder? Probably, but would he be happier? In my opinion, yes, but I guess that's a question that Wilhelm would have to gauge on his own.

Now I want to look deeper at the conversation that Wille has with his mother, the Queen, in the car on the way home so he can give a statement to the media. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Wilhelm: Why can't I just have a relationship with him? And not say anything. Just live a normal life.

Queen: You're the crown prince. And that's a privilege, not a punishment.

Wilhelm: Yes, but I didn't ask for this!

Queen: Well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this! You are the only one who can take over the throne after Erik. Don't you understand that? You are so young. When you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the whole world. When I was your age, I too had an unfortunate romance. That was before I met your father. What I mean is, is it worth it? If you feel that the attention you've been getting so far is unacceptable, it's nothing compared to what you will endure for the rest of your life. We have a chance to cover this up, I urge you to take that chance. You may not get another."

---

Something I find interesting is how much Willie just wants to live a normal life, which I get. He is under so much pressure, from being a role model, his brother's death that he hasn't even had time to process, preparing to be king someday, and (kind of) being outed to the entire world, but at least his school. It's enough to make anyone want to live normally. I think the biggest thing we have to think about here is the Queen's question as well. Is it worth it? She is right of course, the attention he will get will always be there, but I do think that Willie would be able to find a way to be happy along with being King. It shouldn't have to be a case of either-or, and ultimately I don't think it is.

Now I'm going to move back to Erik, and really, this ties everything back to the start where I mentioned I had a different take on Erik's reaction to Willie being not straight. I think that Erik already knew. It would make sense for a variety of reasons. In the show, it is obvious that the two of them have a good relationship. We also hear Erik tell Willie, "you can trust him, he's like a brother," in episode one when speaking about August, showing that trust is something strong between them as brothers. I'm not exactly sure how old Wilhelm is meant to be in the show, but I estimate somewhere around sixteen. I would like to assume that sometime before attending Hillerska, he may have had a crush or felt some attraction to a guy. We also can see from their phone call in episode three, that they're not afraid to joke around with each other about such things, meaning that Erik would most likely be the first person that Willie would go to about such things.

Another thing that makes me believe Erik already knew has to do with people assuming that Simon is the first guy that Willie has liked. Now, I know things are not the same for everyone, but if we consider what happens when the video is posted, and Willie had to deny it is him, we can conclude that being anything other than straight in their family is not okay, simply because they are royals, and the media attention will be too much. Imagine you've known your whole life, you can't be something, the first instance you encounter that, you're probably not going to give in right away. I'm talking at least some minor internalized homophobia here or something.

So put that into the context of Simon and Willie's first kiss in episode two. Simon kisses Willie twice before Willie says "Well, I'm not... I'm not... Stop! Wait, wait, wait!" and immediately pulls Simon back towards him. Let's reflect back to episode one where Willie says "I’m not… I’m not allowed to speak about political issues." I'm not allowed. Of course, there are TONS of restrictions on what he can and can not do, kissing guys, probably being one of them. But if he was going to say I'm not gay or I'm not like that, why would he instantly pull him back in, contrasting what he was just going to say. In episode three, Willie does say, "I'm not like that," which makes sense. He's had time to think and isn't in the heat of the moment. What other explanation can he give? Sure, he could say he's not allowed to be like that but saying that would admit that he is. It's a circle, a very messy circle, but it is a... loop.

Going back to what I'm supposed to be talking about here, Erik. This isn't Willie's first rodeo, but Erik was there for the first. One last thing I want to talk about is the phone call that Erik and Willie have in episode three. Below is an excerpt from their dialogue.

---

Erik: You've met someone.

Wilhelm: I, uh... Yes, okay, but I... I don't think we're a couple or anything. I don't know what it is but can we just...

Erik: I get it. I get it. You don't have to tell me any... I don't wanna hear any details. Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions and-

Wilhelm: They don't care about me. 'Cause you're the Crown Prince that they have opinions.

Erik: I don't get it. Why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?

---

Firstly, Erik refers to Willie's crush as completely gender-neutral. "You've met someone" could very easily be "you've met a girl". The same goes for "you have a crush to hang out with". Very well could have been "you have a girl to hang out with". Sure, it could be completely coincidental, but we live in such a heteronormative society that it would just make sense for Erik to use female-gendered words. Unless, of course, he knew.

Secondly, "Hey. Willie, enjoy yourself. Soon enough people will start having opinions". This sounds very much to me like, enjoy your time while you can be yourself without backlash because soon you won't have that privacy. While I feel that, yes, the same may happen with anyone Willie was to date, him having a same-sex partner multiplies that, by a lot.

In conclusion, Erik knew Willie was not straight, Willie should come out, but when he is ready, and August is a really deep character that people don't give enough credit to. Gosh, I hope I covered everything, I probably forgot so much, but it's fine. Please let me know your thoughts if you've made it this far into the post.

One last thing. I hope you'll notice how in this post, I never referred specifically to Wilhelm's sexuality, and I did that for a reason. I often see gay used to label him, and though I am unsure if that's being used as an umbrella term or specifically as in he only likes men, I think it's really important to realize that they're specifically making him unlabeled. In this youtube video Edvin Ryding, the actor who plays Wilhelm, says "What we're trying to do... We're not labeling Wilhelm's sexuality. I think that's good because it's like, it portrays that it's okay that way too. You don't have to. You shouldn't have to come out. It should be allowed to be a bit fluid, a bit out there." I just think that it is important as it's another type of representation that is not seen often.

[notobsessediswear]

Okay, so I have a sad Steve Harrington headcannon I would like to share here because people don’t wanna listen to me irl. Disclaimer and warning: I talk about EDs and depression so if any of that is triggering please take care; also these are all just my personal thoughts that I had based on my own personal experiences and I am not a professional so please correct me if I say anything horribly wrong

Steve has an eating disorder. I don’t think it’s as bad as like starving yourself, obsessively counting calories, or making yourself throw up but I think it’s there. The kind of eating disorder that makes the simple task of eating seem unappealing and if you do eat something it feels gross in your stomach and you immediately want to never eat again. Even your favorite foods sound gross. You don’t think it’s that serious because you are eating but not a lot. Like you’ll eat 3 meals a day but it’ll be the smallest portion possible and you’re full after 3 bites. It’s one of those things I that are always hovering at the back of your mind but you brush it off as nothing. Now I understand that this might be a bit of a stretch based on limited evidence but I feel like not a lot of people realize it. Example 1: I don’t remember the exact quotes but early on in season 3 when Dustin visits Steve at Scoops Ahoy Dustin’s is like, “you get free ice cream all the time; how awesome is that!” And Steve replies with something along the lines of “yeah that’s probably not a great idea for me, gotta keep in fighting shape for the ladies.” It seems like a joke that he usually makes but that look he gives is way too familiar. The “I don’t want to worry you but please notice that something is off” half smile look. I hope people know that “I’m not going to eat unless someone points it out and I need to eat but I really don’t want to” look. I don’t know if it’s me projecting onto a character I really like but it feels deliberate, the way that was played. And nobody even notices! Which clues me into the fact of 2 possibilities: 1. This isn’t new and has been going on for a long time or 2. Dustin is oblivious. I’m leaning towards 2 because Dustin worships this guy and pointing out flaws in your hero is hard. I love Dustin but sometimes I feel like he uses Steve as an example of what he wants to be and not his own person. Not only that but this was the 80s and even now people say things like “guys don’t get eating disorders” and living in Hawkins with the upside down and everything no one’s constantly worried about their friend’s eating habits or other issues that seem small compared to what they’ve been through so it can be easy to ignore. Example 2: here’s why I think Steve developed an ED. Steve has proven time and time again throughout the series that he thinks his worth is dependent on his looks. He thinks that people like him cause he’s hot and nothing else. And people keep proving to him that that is true even though it not. The kids look up to him because he protects them and takes care of them when he doesn’t need to and is genuinely a good person. But the issue is, nobody says that. When the only thing people tell you is that you’re pretty or popular or get all the girls you start to believe that that is where your worth lies and you do things to maintain that attention from people. @see_doubleuu on TikTok made a really good video about Steve’s loneliness. He doesn’t seem to realize that people value him as more than a pretty face and that’s proven in his conversation with Eddie in the upside down. He looks shocked when he finds out that Dustin actually sees him as a good person and it’s even more proof that he doesn’t think of himself as one. I honestly think he wasn’t at all in the wrong in Season 1. Now that’s a whole other post, but he’s constantly working to make up for high school and he clearly doesn’t think he ever will. His friends his age, with the exception of Robin, also seem to contribute a lot to his self doubt and hatred. For example, Nancy. When they were together, she called him an idiot multiple times, got mad at him for trying to protect her from Johnathan (who from his prospective was a creep who took pictures of her half naked through a window of HIS HOUSE that his girlfriend was cheating on him with), and never corrected him whenever he degraded himself. (Holy shit this is so long that it won’t let me go on. I’ll make a part 2)

[hops-hunny]

okay! sooo can you do a blurb where the reader walks in on nev watching porn and smoking a blunt and at first he is just like “oh shit sorry” but then the reader suggests they watch it together and smoke together but then they both just get immensely turned on so they just end up fucking

PRONOUNS: SHE/HER

YEAH I CAN DO THAT OML POTHEAD NEV HEHEEE

(Y/n) and Neville were an odd duo to say the least. No matter how high the girl was, her natural shy demeanor still remained. This would be fine if Neville wasn't the exact opposite. Anything he wanted to say or do, he would do it no questions asked. Whether it was walking around the castle in his underwear, hitting up a hot girl for head, or what he was doing now.

At the moment, Neville was beyond thankful for muggle technology. If he would've known they had access to porn in video format, he would've started using it a while ago. It wasn't like they didn't have porn in the wizarding world, it was just in moving picture format. You could only see the same blonde bimbo wave at you so many times before you got sick of it. He coughed some as he hit his blunt, pulling his dick out his pants stroking it a bit. He had the dorm to himself for a few hours so he wasn't too concerned about any unexpected visitors. He continued to puff at his joint, choking on his moans as the full figure woman on the screen continued to let the guy fuck her face.

"H-hey Nev, you told me to come around at this time to pick up some more wee- Oh my! I'm so sorry!" he heard a familiar voice squeak out and the sound of something dropping on the floor. He looked up at his crush, smiling at how cute she looked. She had her eyes covered with both of her hands causing the crop top she was wearing to ride up revealing a bit of under boob. He bit his lip some before taking one last puff of his blunt, sitting it down in the ashtray.

"You're quite alright. I forgot I told you to come around at this time." He stood up, stretching as he let out a lazy yawn. Walking over to his dresser, he pulled out a draw pulling out an ounce. He walked over to the girl, pulling one of her hands away from her face as he placed the weed into her hand. "Here." he mumbled. The girl opened her eyes, screeching as she saw he was still unclothed.

"Why didn't you put any clothes on?! Are you crazy?" she squeaked out, going to cover her eyes with her free hands but was stopped by the tugging on her wrist. She looked up at him confused.

"Did you plan on staying? If so let me put some clothes on, we could watch a movie or something." the girl stood there pondering it for a moment. Was this really a good idea? Probably not, but that was something to think about later when her crush wasn't feet away from her in the nude.

"Yeah, I thought we could smoke together. We always do on Sundays but I didn't take into consideration that you may have...other plans." She sat on his bed, watching as he tucked himself into a pair of grey sweatpants, running a hand through his brown locks before turning back to her. "Do...do you wanna watch it together?"

"'Scuse me?" he asked with a shocked expression, not too sure if he heard the girl right.

"I said do you want to watch it together? The porn that is. I-it could be a laugh!" she said, forcing an awkward laugh of her own out. When he turned around she face palmed, grabbing the bong from his other night stand as she lit it, taking a huge rip. She coughed, half from the weed and half from Neville unexpectedly jumping onto the bed next to her.

"I'll just pick a random one." he said, looking on the computer screen before selecting one at random. He relaxed, leaning back on the headboard as the pornographic noises began to sound off. However, (Y/n) was tense. She continued to take rips from the bong, her nerves flying away with each one as she collapsed into his side. However, her (e/c) eyes couldn't help but widen at the sight on the screen.

"H-hey Nev? Is it just me or do they kinda look like..." she trailed off looking at the lanky brown hair boy on the screen who had his head buried between a pair of legs that belonged to a girl with (h/c) hair that was a similar color to her own. Although they didn't look exactly like them, the resemblance was quite ironic given their current situation.

"Us? Now that you mention it..."He trailed off, eyes trained to the screen. Subconsciously he began to stroke at himself through his pants which didn't go unnoticed by the girl to his left. He let out a force laughed to break through the silence between them. "Yeah it does. Except we'd never...you know."

Yeah, yeah! Of course not..." she trailed off joining him in the awkward force laughter. Neville looked down at the girl to find that her eyes were already fixed on him. As if they shared a brain, she leaped into his lap as he crashed their lips together, gripping at her ass through her thick sweatpants. He sucked on her tongue causing her to let out a moan as she reached down, pulling off her top. He shuddered at the feeling of her bare chest pressed against his, moaning as he began to massage at her boobs. (Y/n) let out another small moan, grinding down onto Neville's already hard cock.

The Gryffindor lifted the girl up, pulling her sweats down just enough as she did the same to his before sinking down onto him. The smaller girl pulled away from the kiss, gasping as she threw her head back eyes clenched shut in pleasure. Neville chuckled some, gripping her hips as he moved her up and down a bit causing the girl to errupt in choppy moans.

"Look at you. You can barely take me, tight little thing. I'm practically splitting you in half." she whimpered at his words, clenching around him causing him to let out a guttural moan at the heat from her velvety walls. He gripped her hips with great strength as she began to meet his thrust, failing miserably. He moved his grip to her hips, jack hammering his large cock into her. With each thrust, he felt like he was going to cum at any second from how wet and tight she was.

"'Magined this so many times! It feels so much better than my fingers." she whimpered into his neck, digging her nails deep into his back as he continued to fuck her senseless.

"Yeah? Dirty girl. I can't believe you had your fingers in your knickers thinking bout me." he teased through gritted teeth, reaching a hand down to rub at her clit. With each passing moment, the clenching her muscle was doing around his dick became more and more frequent. "Come on darling, cum for me. Let's cum together." He gritted, moving the grip on her hip to her ass, fucking her like his life depended on it.

(Y/n) was in a cock drunk daze, not a single thought going through her mind but the need to cum. She continued to whimper, drool seeping out and onto Neville's shoulder as she begged him to make her cum. With each thrust, his heavy cum filled balls would smack onto her most sensitive areas. With one last cry, she came. Neville not too far behind nestled himself deep inside before spilling his load, endless amounts spilling and pouring into the girl's poor fucked out cunt. (Y/n) felt herself become even more lightheaded, a combo of post cum bliss and the intense loud that had filled her lungs an hour prior.

"You look so pretty when you cum. I could look at that for ages."

"Nev!"

[marvel-m-lee]

Jay's Makeup Giggles

I actually like his fic a lot for the most part. I haven't felt so gd bout righting a fic in a while lol- though it's weird at the start, I promise it does actually get better.

Prompt: by @secretly-tword-obsessed - Lee Jay

Words: 2222

Warning: language, teasing, fluff.

-Big Mouth!

--------------------------------------------------

It was a casual day. Only it wasn't. I lied. Jay was now hiding somewhere in Nicks house, giggling nervously, awaiting for one of his friends to find him.

It had started off a normal day, Andrew and Jessi were going to come over to Nicks and Jay just stayed the night. Nicks parents loved him so they never really minded.

"So, Nick, Jay? What time are Andrew and Jessi coming round?" Nicks mum asked, everyone sitting around the breakfast tabled eating.

"Any time, but knowing them probably 11 or 12" Nick answered.

Both of Nicks parents looked at each other with lust, his father slightly whispered something rather a little too loud making all but the two lovers uncomfortable. Well and Jay- but that's just Jay for ya.

"Please don't say that when they're here-"

"Nicky, I perfectly normal -and healthy! To make love in the morning. Your mother and I would do it all hours of the day if you kids weren't around and we had no jobs-"

"That's enough dad!" Nick sighed, putting down his cutlery and feeling incredibly embarrassed.

Later Nick and Jay were getting ready when the door rang, alerting them that Andrew and Jessi were here. Nick ran down, Jay following after and let the two in the house.

"Hey Andrew! Hey Jessi!" Jay happily yelled, giving the two a hug.

"Hey Jay" Jessi chuckled, patting jays back.

"Okay, alright! Let's go upstairs and play some video games!" Nick said, the four ran upstairs and played video games.

Yeah, all rather casual for the most part. They played videogames, had lunch, played more video games- them jessi decided to scroll on her phone for a bit.

"Come on Jessi girl, let's do something fun!" Connie begged, watching ad the girl scrolled through Instagram posts of mini make up tutorials and clothing outfits.

"Connie I'm bored too, but the boys just wanna play videogames and I just wanna scroll through my phone" Jessi didn't once take her eyes off her phone.

"Come on!!!- oh I have an idea!!! We could convince them to let us do their make up!?" Connie's eyes shone brightly, as thiugh she'd just had the best idea.

Jessi thought for a moment, about to agree because that could actually be pretty fun, but she soon remembered she hadn't brought the little make up she had.

"We can't, I didn't bring any make up" she sighed, looking back at her phone.

Connie's expression changed from excitement, to disappointment ment, to yet more excitement in a matter of seconds.

"Check your bag!"

"What?"

"You packed some from the time you went on that horrific date-" An uncomfortable shiver went down Connie's spine, the same for Jessi's.

"Yeah- it was pretty shit..."

"Yeah... anyway go check if you still have it!"

Jessi jumped off the bed and went to grab her bag, Nick looked over to check if she was alright but soon realised she was fine.

Annoyingly that made him loose the game. "ha! Another win for the Jay Hammer! Thats what my pillow calls me" Jay winked but the other two grimisted at the thought of Jay fucking a pillow-

"Hey guys?" Jessie asked, picking something up and nor letting any of them see.

"Yeah Jessi?"

"Wanna do something fun?"

"She wants to fuck! She definitely wants you to pounds her" Maury chanted, excitement radiations off him. Andrew tried to ignore him.

"Uh.. sure Jessi, what?" Andrew asked, confused but wanting to see if Maury was right. Obviously he wasn't. But still, hope. 🤞

Jessi pulled out her make up and smiled evil-y as the lights flickered and the boys all screamed.

Very over dramatic indeed.

"What the hell jusy happened to the lights?" Andrew asked, looking up.

"Probably a fuise"

"Did anyone else hear that demonic laughter?" Nick asked.

"Me again, haha- MAHAHAHA" The lights flickered again as Jay laughed manicly, everyone else screaming. The next minute it was like nothing happened.

"Okay- anyway- Jessi you can't be serious? That's... make ups for girls" Andrew said, threatened by ruining his masculinity.

"Yes I'm serious! Plus, make ups for everyone. All it does is make your features show more"

"Jessi- I just don't think... make ups for me? Ya know?"

"Oh whatever Andrew, Nick? Jay? You two aren't afraid of make up right?" She asked, not wanting to convince Andrew.

"Uh... Jessi I just don't know-"

"I will!" Jay jumped up and off the bed, jumping up and down with his hand in the air like a child.

"Yes Jay!"

Jay and Jessi were both excited to do the make up, Nick and Andrew both shrugged as they continued playing their video game. Though it was better cause Jay would always win.

"Okay Jay, sit up here" Jessi said, patting the edge of the bed as she put her stuff down and grabbed a rather large make up brush.

Jay sat down and swung his legs like a five year old, he was more than happy to do this- for whatever reason. He sat patiently as he waited for Jessi to get ready.

Jessi had put some sort of powder on the brush and asked Jay to look at her, she gently held his chin in her hand and dusted the brush on his face, asking Connie if she was doing it right.

Suddenly though, Jay jumped upwards with a little squeak, everyone stopped and looked over at him.

"You okay Jay?" Nick asked, Jay went a little red and nodded, suddenly quiet. Andrew and Nick looked at one another, asking what the hell just happened, Jessi just asked for Jay to sit down again so she could keep going.

Reluctantly, Jay sat back down and waited. He tried to hold it in but he couldn't help as the brush dusted his cheek once more. Suddenly, light, bubbly, childish giggles splattered out of his mouth, giggling away as the brush tickled his skin.

He tried to twitch away but also tried to stay still, trying to mask was something he did rarely, if ever, but was trying so hard to at this moment.

"Jay? Everything okay?" Jessi asked, stopping the brush and taking it away. Jay's giggles didn't stop though, so he tried to rub them away which just messed with the powder slightly.

"Is- is he okay?" Andrew asked, yet again pausing the game.

"I dont know-"

Nick tapped Jay's shoulder, making him jump. For some, stupid, random reason whenever Jay was lightly tickled he'd become incredibly sensitive, not that he wasn't already, no. Jay was probably one of the most ticklish people in the world but would usually run and hide so his friends never found out.

"Woah- hey, Jay?" Jay stopped rubbing as the sensation went away, his face was going red as he realised most, if not all of his closest friends were in the same room, without him being able to run, as he was lightly tickled.

"Oh my god the boys ticklish-" Maury and Connie both exclaimed, now visible to all the children rather than just their kid.

"Aw, that's so cute!" Connie exclaimed, grabbing him and ticking under his chin, starting up a whole new bundle of giggles as he turned away.

"No! No-" Jay denied, still giggling like the five year old he was.

"Wait seriously?" Andrew exclaimed, jumping off the bed. Out of all of them Andrew was one of the most ticklish, but it wadnt a surprise, let alone new news. Jay on the other hand jumped at the slightest touch.

"How did we never realise?" Nick asked, rather surprised yet somehow not at all.

"Let's tickle him till he cries!" Maury yelled, wiggling his fingers at the boy who just giggled before he was even touched.

He shook his head, "g-guys! I-iheim not even ticklish!"

Jessi couldn't help but smile, Jay trying to ignore the fact of how ticklish he was was adorable to say the least. Especially as he was already giggling at the slight thoughts of being tickled.

"Aren't you a cutie!" Connie said again, tickling his chin, ears and neck making him squeal and step back into the bed. He tried to run away the sensations but couldn't stop the giggles or smirks growing on all his friends faces.

"N-no- really guys- ihihim n-neheot ticklish!"

"How about we test that theory?" Andrew said.

As soon as Jay heard that his eyes went wide and he ran. Probably faster than Usain Bolt.

So that's where we are, Jay hiding from his friends as the image of their wiggling hands corrupted his mindz reluctantly giggling. Jay slammed his hand over his mouth and shut his eyes tight, pretending he wasn't there.

Jay didn't hate tickling, he actually enjoyed it. His brothers would tickle him to tears and although they thought they were annoying him, Jay treasured the moments. His parents would do the same when he was much smaller, tickle him slightly and hear his childish giggles.

The thought of his friends tickling him? It was terrifying buy also exciting. He couldn't bring himself to let them though, so he hid away.

It had been 10 minutes, his giggles would stop and go all over again and he was surprised he wasn't found yet.

Only then did he hear people walking down the hall, calling out his name.

"Jayyyy? Where are you~" Andrew called out, the teasing didn't help. He flushed red and hid deeper in his hands, curling up.

"Jay, we're gonna find you" He heard Nick call.

"Come out~" Jessi couldn't help but laugh, imagining her friend in the exact position he was in.

The footsteps passed the cupboard but stopped soon after, Jay had accidentally let out a rather loud giggle after holding his breath. Once more his breathing stopped and so did everything else.

In a slash of a second, the door opened and Jay was thrown over some hairy monsters shoulder, squealing and yelling. Pounding his back.

"This kid is strong" Maury said, but soon gave Jay a poke on his side and he once more turned to a puddle of giggles. Jay was thrown on Nicks bed and the door was locked.

Jay curled into a ball and squeezed his eyes tight, giggling hysterically already.

"Oh my god he's worse than Andrew!" Jessi called out.

"Hey!"

"We haven't even touched him yet" Nick laughed, then going to poke Jay's side as he squealed.

"Jay~ are you sure you're not ticklish?" Nick teased, poking his side over and over abd Jay frantically tossed and turned, laughing now.

"NAHAHAGAHANOOOOO" He shook his head and squealed as the pokes became faster as faster.

Andrew them fluttered some fingers around his neck, giggles splattered out along with reluctant laughter.

"NAHAHA!! PLEASEEEEEE" Jay battered their hands away, begging as the sensations became stronger.

"Oh my fuck, you got him begging already?!" Maury cheered the kids on. Nick looked at Andrew and Jessi and the three decided to climb on the bed.

Nick said just below Jay's hips but not on his thighs, Jessi sat on his angles and Andrew used all his strength to lift up the boys arms exposing his armpits and sat on his wrists as he clashed around.

"All spread out just for us" Andrew teased, dragging his hands lightly down Jay's arms as he tossed and turned, giggling eyes squeezed shut after feeling the horror of being so exposed.

"Nahahaha!! A-andreewwww" Jay begged but soon he felt hands on his calves, Jessi's fingers slightly being dragged upwards. Jay couldn't help but bash his feet.

"Now, Jay? Are you ticklish?" Jay didnt care, he somehow thought that they'd believe him if he stood ground. Even if he was a giggling puddle.

"NooAh!?" He jumped as he felt Jessie flutter under his knees.

"Weak spot guys" she called out, then moved her hands and squeezed his kneecaps.

Jay shook and squealed then, bashing all he could to get out. His knees were definitely a weak spot, he couldn't handle the torture. And it had only just begun.

His friends all laughed at his situation and actions, then everyone dived in. Andrew scratched at his hollows, Nick squeezed his sides and hips, making him buck. Occasionally spidering his ribs which made his giggles bubble up again. And Jessi kept changing from squeezing his knees to his thighs.

Jay couldn't handle it all, not at one anyway. He shook and squeaked, a bright red happy face but begged abd begged.

"STAPPPPPPOP PLEASE STAPPPPHAHMMM" He spluttered out, his face was so red and he couldn't help the tears that formed through laughter over a party few minutes.

Everyone let up abd laughed with him as he crawled into a happy giggly little ball. Maury poked his side one last time for good measure with made him yell but they all just laughed.

"Aw, Jay's a ticklish like boy" Jessi teased. Jay hugged himself, drowning and his own laughter for a few minutes.

"Ya know we would have stopped if you asked?" Nick teased, jumping back on the bed witb Andrew to play again.

Jay went red again. They were right, he'd never actually asked them to stop, and he loved it so much. Everyone went back to doing their own thing and Jay just giggled. Fuck.

[studyvibes]

Hello guys so I thought it would be nice to translate an interview with Maneskin which is originally in Russian.

Thank you @teatrodellavita for sending me the link for the interview ❤️

So to warn you all before you read the translated interview, this is translation everything from Russian to English so all the maneskin answers were basically translated x2 (Italian -> Russian -> English) so there might be some Chinese whisper/telephone effect. Also I struggle with Russian idioms/metaphors so I’ll note them if they are during the interview.

I’ll leave the link here so you can follow the time stamps all of the questions. Also I tried my best making a nice structure which was hard because this whole post was written on tumblr mobile app

https://youtu.be/16NIbGDcycI

(I’ll be writing in personal notes to explain some parts in italic and bold)

So the video starts with the host making a parody of 80s Italy video promoting a vinyl. I am not sure, correct me if I am wrong, but I think that’s a reference to their New Years special episode. I skipped parts of the host talking because I don’t see it relevant to the Maneskin interview. Also I’d like to note that if you want to compare the host he is similar in hosting style like Jimmy Kimmel, he trying to ask questions with a bit of humour

[2:02] Host: Our guest, the winners of Eurovision: Maneskin!!!

[2:08] Maneskin performing I WANNA BE YOUR SLAVE

[4:59] Host: Maneskin!!! *clapping*

Damiano: Thank you

Host: Thank you! Grazie! (Says other random Italian phrases, which I don’t know how to spell)

[5:21] Host: I was informed that on Yandex Music in our country (YandexMusic is a streaming service) you became more popular than Billie Eilish. You are the most popular band/group in the country based on streaming your music.

Host: Tell me how do you feel about Billie Eilish? Are you happy that you surpassed quiet singing woman from America (he didn’t mean it in harsh way more like a joke way)

Victoria: Poor Billie

Damiano: We really like her. There isn’t any competition with her, it’s not that important. But we are happy that our audience is here.

*audience clapping*

[5:55] Host: (said something that I couldn’t hear because of the clapping)

Host: You know, thanks to you we noticed how much in TV and Russia we see rarer and rarer people come/visit in leather and lace

*audience laugh in the background*

Host: And honestly speaking, looking at you we realize how much we miss it, we lack it, you have very very beautiful costumes/outfits

Damiano: thank you very much

Host: it just lacking blue and then a bit we’ll have a russian flag

*audience laugh*

[6:31] Host: what are your thoughts/feelings of Russia? What are your thoughts/feelings of meeting your fans? Where did you go? You are already a couple of days here, what did you like?

Damiano: Very pretty. It is very rare when we could go for walk, we saw the Red Square. The public is very warm so we appreciate/it’s very nice.

Victoria/Damiano (Not sure if this translated part was from Victoria or Damiano): We received a lot of Vodka as gifts

Ethan: and chocolate

Host: In this country you are the first people to receive vodka as a gift. (I think it’s sarcasm because I know a lot of people who received vodka as a visitor/ gifted vodka for visitors)

*audience laughs*

Host: but it’s ok, maybe it’ll become a tradition.

[7:04] Host: Tell me, a bit, for all of us who know you after the Eurovision. How was the band created? Who first joined the band. Am I right that Thomas, Victoria, you *pointing Thomas and Victoria* you first then Damiano joined? Tell us

Thomas: We went to the same school, and during that time we met each other. Then Damiano joined our band and then we made the band. A lot of different people came to us - we were looking for a soloist and drummer

Victoria: and during that time Damiano joined us.

Victoria:We choose Damiano because he was the only who could actually sing

Thomas: and then later Ethan joined the band. We found him *pointing at Ethan* on Facebook

Host: So you wrote something that you are looking for a drummer right? How did it happen? What did you write, what to write so I can join you as the 5th member with accordion

*audience laughing*

Ethan: Accordion is a bit difficult instrument *audience laughing* to use in rock music, but you can send us your resume, we will look at it.

[8:35] Host: We have a question from our band called ‘фрукты (Fruits)’ which is performing already 10 years. So the question is: you, just like the band Fruits, started from street performing, right? Like outside nearly at the streets of Via de Corso in Rome?

Damiano: Yes

Host: When you performed outside did you already wear the same costumes/outfits? How much as an estimate did you earn a day? It’s very interesting, a lot of bands will travel to that street, to repeat your journey.

Victoria: We dressed worse

Damiano: We dressed the style of hippie, but we earned a bit of money. One time, one boy came up and dropped for us 20 euros. It didn’t matter on the day, and one time a guy/young man came up and dropped 50 euros in to our box.

*Host pointing at himself proudly, audience laughing*

Victoria: So it was you!

Host: Oofcourse

Victoria: We thought we saw your face somewhere before.

*audience laughing*

Host: Of course guys, I left the boutique and thought hmmm what do I do with useless money, ofcourse.

[9:50] Host: Also about the band Fruits I just can’t not say it, Damiano, when you turn to your profile, *asking camera men to move the camera close up to the soloist of the band Fruits* *we see her side profile* I think during your childhood you both were separated, you look so alike. Damiano, maybe you have relatives in this country.

Damiano: *Damiano laughs*

Damiano: Maybe

*continues laughing*

Host: maybe, maybe

Damiano: It is possible, my dad was in Russia. *Damiano starts to laugh more, audience and laughing and clapping, camera goes on the soloist of the band Fruits smiling looking shy/embarrassed*

Host: She has the exact same story, her mother was visiting Italy

[10:23] Host: I can’t stop talking about your costumes/outfits (positively). And that you returned us faith/hope in Italian music in our country, which we really really love here, but also faith/hope in rock music. You are a group which uses more than one guitar and doesn’t used a drum machine and suddenly became very popular that we grateful for you because the word rock appeared and returned thanks to you.

Host:It is clear that you love rock music which is now considered the past rock and know the history of rock music. If you were offered to be able to go to a concert from the past, from any band, where would you want to go? Each one of you

Damiano: maybe the performance of Queen, would’ve been fun to see

Host: Victoria, which band and which performance?

Victoria: hmmm...possibly David Bowie, his tour.

Host: Ethan?

Ethan: If it was possible to return in the past, I would’ve traveled to the Woodstock

Victoria: he has has there contacts/ connections

*Damiano imitates smoking and laughs*

Host: oh I can’t repeat that after you

Host: and Thomas?

Thomas: I would go to the 70s for Jimi Hendrix

[12:00] Host: Where do you buy your clothes? Like from the basics, so I arrive to Rome and I have more than 50 euros, thank god, and I want to buy clothes. Where do I buy the clothes?

Maneskin (I wasn’t sure who’s comment the translator translated): just in the stores

*audience laughing*

Damiano: There is nothing funny *Damiano smiling* It’s true *He starts laughing*

Host: I’ll be honest I haven’t been in Rome for a very long time. But it’s in vintage stores right?

*Maneskin agreeing*

[12:30] Host: I have a very important moment, it is that you for the first time..mm.. finally brought back what we all missed and exactly that is bright and beautiful, outlined dignity male makeup on stage. Speaking of this..... talking veryyy slow so they can translate them quickly... speaking of this, I have a small favour/request ... *he kinda goes of track for a second* who does the make up, do you do it yourself?

Maneskin: no no

Damiano: no we have makeup artists, actually one makeup artist, very talented, well done. Between all of us, Victoria is best as makeup.

Host: Yeah, but with Victoria it’s understandable, it’s clear that she start trying makeup sooner than you did.

Host: I have an offer, imagine you don’t have your makeup artist and you have a person who urgently needs makeup applied. I would like to ask if you, Damiano, and the member could apply the makeup on my face? I honestly don’t know what you need to apply to makeup *he is opening palettes of makeup*

*Damiano stands up walking towards the host

Host: (in English) Thomas if you wanna, you know help, please.

*Thomas joins Damiano*

Host:(back in Russian) Victoria you can hint them

Translator: She (Victoria) said that you (Host) choose the wrong helpers

*audience laughs*

Host: Yeah? Then come join

*Victoria and Ethan join*

(Ok here it goes messy cause they are all talking and the translator instantly translates so I might have mixed up)

*Victoria points at some makeup product (can’t see which one)*

Host: This one?! Victoria...

Damiano: wait, I’ll go first, first add a bit of eyeliner

*Damiano applies eyeliner under the eye of the host*

Victoria: you started under the eye, you should’ve started from the top

Host: *joking* I’ll also always start with this line

*Victoria smiling shakes her head, audience laughing*

Damiano: Its the type of makeup you wear when you go grocery shopping

*Audience is laughing, host tries not to laugh while Damiano is applying eyeliner on him*

Host: I was actually planning to go grocery shopping

*Thomas and Victoria start applying eyeshadow on different parts of hosts face*

Host: Sto-wha- already other parts being applied?

*Audience laughing*

Host: Ok guys... but..

Host: Ethan is it ok? Your the only one I can trust in this group

Support host in the background: he’ll need to be returning home (as a joke implying he needs to look decent when he leaves the studio)

*Victoria applies makeup on the host lips*

Host: Also lips?! Hmmm

Ethan: you look good

Damiano: close your eyes *applies upper eyeliner*

Damiano: (in English) I don’t know what I am doing

Host: (in Russian) you don’t know what you are doing? No, that’s too late to tell me.

Damiano: (in English) that’s why we have a makeup artist

Host: (in Russian) no, wait, now your make up artist will say why am I even needed by this band.

Ethan: just a final touch *applies eyeshadow on the tip of the hosts nose, and walks away with two thumbs up*

*host laughs and then picks up mirror to look at the work*

Host: not bad guys, to be honest, not bad.

Damiano: (in Italian) No it’s true, look how pretty he is, very pretty

Host: guys I want to tell you one thing: never fire your make up artist

*audience laughing*

Host: Thank you for your visit and we are very grateful for your performance

Host: And what can I say, we are waiting here and with the whole company will to you concert. Grazie mille

————————————

Ooooooff that took wayyyy longer I planned, it was hard because I had to relisten some parts to know who actually said, like it is easier when it’s only one person cause I get to translate quicker.

Anyways, hope you all enjoyed this translation, if you have any maneskin interviews in Russian or German (warning: my German is a bit ruff from lack of practicing) which you would like me to translate, message me :)

[vs-redemption]

May I please have BNHA scenarios of how any characters you think would fit would dealing with a haunting with their paranormal loving partner? Thank you

A/N: I had so much fun writing these! I decided to do three characters: Twice, Mirko, and Todoroki. They’re all under the cut since it’s three different stories. I hope you enjoy!

Dealing with a Haunting (Twice, Mirko, and Todoroki x Paranormal Loving!Reader)

Warning: Mentions of scary Halloween themes like death and murder related to the huantings.

Twice (Jin Bubaigawara)

“Hey Jin!” You skip up to your boyfriend with an innocent smile on your face. It was always the best way to get his guard down if you had to ask him for something. Not that it was hard to get him to go along with your ideas anyway. He could never resist doing things for the people he cared about. “I finally decided what I want for my birthday.”

“Really? What is it?” He perks up at your words, eager to find out what it was that would make you happy. “Took you long enough!”

You smile, knowing there was no reason to be offended by the second comment. He pulls you into a hug as you reach up to put a hand on each side of his face. Your touch reminds him that he has no reason to fear splitting apart. “I want to spend the night in a haunted hotel,” you tell him, causing him to go bug eyed for a moment.

“Uh uh! No Way!” he shakes his head before leaning in close, “anything for you, baby!” You smile victoriously. He would need no further convincing. He knew you loved anything paranormal, and there was no way he was going to let you go somewhere potentially dangerous by yourself.

--

An alarm on your phone alerts you once it is 3am on the night of your birthday. You hop off the hotel bed which was still perfectly made since you had no intention of sleeping. Your boyfriend, however, had drifted off in the room’s armchair in the middle of the movie you’d put on a few hours before.

“Jin, wake up!” You shake his shoulder and he wakes up with a startle. “It’s dead time! Let’s go!” You don’t wait for him to reply as you open up your suitcase to grab your flashlight and camera. You remember to hand Jin a mask to wear over his head so that he’d feel a little more confident.

“Are you sure about this?” He whispers as you both tiptoe out into the darkened hallway.

“Of course!” You assure him. “I’ve been wanting to come here for years! Thank you so much for doing this with me.” You lean toward him to give him a peck on the cheek before making your way down to the first floor of the hotel. Your footsteps echo around the stairwell and you feel Jin slip his hand into yours.

“Are you scared already?” you ask him in amusement.

“Oh course not!” He defends himself before puffing out his chest, “I’m your brave protector!” You laugh at his false bravado as you lead him toward the empty swimming pool.

“They say a pair of twins died in this pool,” you tell your boyfriend as you flick on your flashlight and let it illuminate the calm water in front of you. “Every year, on the same day as their death, people claim to hear the sound of children laughing and running around this area.” You turn around and give him your best creepy smile, “tonight is the 10 year anniversary.”

“Stop it,” Jin was definitely getting spooked now, “I don’t believe you.”

As soon as he muttered those words, you felt a small breeze brush past you both with the faint sound of a giggle floating through the air. You quickly reach for your camera, hoping to capture some evidence of what was happening, but Jin completely freaked out. He scoops you into his arms and runs as fast as he can from the pool area. Once you’re far enough away, he sets you down and takes your hand again. “Your story was real!” He gasps, “Let’s get out of here!” Jin takes you back to your room to get the rest of your stuff before checking out as fast as humanly possible.

 Mirko (Rumi Usagiyama)

You had been a fan of everything and anything paranormal since before you could remember. You had grown up watching all the different ghost hunting programs on TV and always found yourself watching live ghost cams in your free time. Over the years, you’d collected all sorts of gadgets like EMF readers, thermal cameras, and digital voice recorders. Recently, you had even started your own paranormal investigation website where you posted videos of your own ghost hunting adventures. It was the hobby you were most passionate about. When the Halloween season finally came around, you decided to a special vlog including your pro hero girlfriend, Mirko.

“Sorry, I know you’re into all the spooky stuff, but it’s not really my thing,” She flips her long silver hair over her shoulder before pointing a confident thumb to her chest. “I’ve literally made it my job not to be afraid of anything.” You let out a laugh at her predictable response.

“You don’t have to be scared,” you tell her. “I just thought it was something fun we could do to get into the Halloween spirit!” The rabbit hero puts a hand to her chin in thought before shrugging her shoulders.

“All right, I don’t see any harm in it,” she gives in quickly since, if nothing else, it was a chance to spend more time with you. She knew she’d made the right decision by the way your face had lit up with excitement. You both were thrill seekers, which is what had brought you two together in the first place.

What she hadn’t predicted at all, was that you would be dragging her to a graveyard on the night of Halloween. You’d set up some cameras around the area during the day, then went back with Mirko after the sun had set.

“What am I supposed to be looking for?” Mirko had the EMF reader in her hand as she followed you through the rows of headstones. It was a little chilly outside and she looked really cute bundled up in her fluffy coat and gloves.

“Supposedly, ghosts are able to effect magnetic frequencies,” you explain excitedly while scanning the area with your thermal camera. “The device you’re holding will let us know if there are any disturbances in the electromagnetic energy around here.”

“Right,” her intense red eyes glanced around the graveyard as if daring something to come set off the device.

“You know you can’t take down a spirit with brute force, right Rumi?” You ask her in amusement while continuing your walk among the headstones. A slight mist had started to form over the ground and the temperature of the air seemed to drop suddenly. The tiny machine in Mirko’s hand began emitting a high pitched whine that made the hero tense up and go on alert.

“What’s happening?” she asks urgently. She didn’t sound scared, just ready to go toe to toe with anything dangerous that might appear.

“Shhh,” you put a finger to your lips before grabbing your voice recorder. You hit the record button and start asking questions like “Is anyone there?” and “If there’s a spirit present, give us a sign.” The EMF reader goes silent again and you glance over at Mirko. Her eyes are wide and her fluffy rabbit ears are straight up in the air.

“Something just moved past me and touched my hair,” she whispers as a smirk grows on her face. Abruptly, she snatches the recorder out of your hand. “All right ghost!” She challenges, “You wanna play? You don’t know who you’re messing with!”

“Rumi!” You can’t help but laugh even though the things you were suddenly experiencing were really quite extraordinary.

“Point the camera over there,” Mirko suddenly points across the graveyard. “By that tree.”

“Oh!” You gasp when the thermal camera picks up on a patch of cold in the exact spot Mirko had indicated. How had she known? “There’s something over there!” Mirko looked victorious before bouncing off in that direction, going too fast for you to keep up thanks to her large bunny feet.

“This is going to be great for your website!” she calls out behind her but the cold spot on the camera disappeared before reached the tree. You shake your head in amusement, wondering if bringing your girlfriend had been a good idea after all. She was going to scare all the ghosts away.

“It’s gone now,” you call over to her. The disappointment in your voice brought Mirko back to your side in a flash.

“Don’t worry!” She promises while putting an arm around you, “We’re going to track down every single ghost in this graveyard, even if we have to stay out here all night!” For someone who’d said ghosts weren’t her thing, Mirko was sure getting into it.

Shoto Todoroki

Getting a pro hero to take a vacation was borderline impossible. You’d been begging your boyfriend, Shoto Todoroki, to take some time off for years, but he was always reluctant to leave his job for more than a day or two at a time. You understood his need to be on standby in case of a major villain attack or big natural disaster. He hated the thought of not being there to save an innocent life or have the back of one of his fellow heroes. He still made sure to spend time with you every day, and you were content with taking small weekend trips with him when you could.

The routine had become familiar and comfortable, so it came as a huge shock to you when Todoroki showed up after work one day with two plane tickets in his hand. Not only were you going on an extended vacation with your boyfriend for the first time, but he’d also chosen New Orleans as the destination. You’d been dreaming of going there since you were a child. It was a city with a history full of vampires, witches, ghosts, and plenty of other supernatural entities. You were happy that your boyfriend had remembered, and surprised that he’d be willing to go along for the journey.

“I booked us a private tour at a haunted house tonight,” Shoto says causally as you unpack your bags at the first hotel. You look over at him in surprise. He was intently reading a brochure about the best ghost tours in the city.

“Are you sure you want to do that, Shoto?” You ask and he turns to look at you. “It might be really scary.”

“The ghosts don’t really exist,” he comes over and sits next to you on the bed. “But I think it’s an interesting way to learn about the history here.” If he was so sure, you weren’t going to try to change his mind. You were just happy that he was doing all this for you.

Once the tour started, you found yourself thankful that your boyfriend had paid for the private walkthrough. Some of the effect would have been lost if there’d been a huge group of people trying to squeeze through the dimly lit rooms and hallways. The tour guide was fantastic at setting the mood as well, explaining the stories of each haunting with just enough suspenseful flair.

“The previous owners of this house have reported repeatedly seeing a woman in a white dress standing by that window,” he explains. “They say she matches the description of a woman who died here, murdered by her lover who’d gone crazy after coming home from the war.”

At the beginning of the tour, Todoroki had curiously wandered around each room, investigating different items and asking questions. Now that you were deeper into the house though, he seemed less willing to stray too far from your side. You noticed he kept looking over his shoulder.

“Sometimes,” The tour guide continues, “When I’m closing up at night, I hear footsteps following me down this hallway even though I’m the only one here.”

“Really?” You ask, fascinated. “Have you ever seen anything?” You feel Shoto come up right behind you and put a hand on your waist.

“Yes!” The tour guide says dramatically, “I’ve often caught glimpses of a man’s face looking at me through mirrors or around corners.” The grip on your waist gets a little tighter.

“Are you okay, Shoto?” You ask, not understanding why he was being so clingy. It wasn’t like him at all.

“I’m fine,” he says but doesn’t let go of you.

“Oh!” The tour guide’s eyes suddenly go wide and he puts up his hands to ask for quiet. “Do you hear that?” You strain your ears and cover your mouth when the faint sound of a piano could be heard from somewhere nearby. The tour guide beckons you to follow him until you reach the room that was the source of the sound. You peek in the doorway and gasp when you see the keys of a grand piano playing by themselves.

“Look over there,” The tour guide suddenly whispers and you and Todoroki glance over to the corner of the room where a dark figure stood, barely visible in the shadows.

“Wow!” you were amazed but the grip your boyfriend had on you was almost getting uncomfortable now. You look up at him to see poorly concealed terror all over his face. You felt bad that he was reacting so badly so you took his hand into your own. “Most of it is tricks set up to excite the tourists,” you tell him to try and ease his fears.

The guide continues the tour after a moment but the sound of heavy footsteps suddenly come stomping down the hallway and move right past your small group. Todoroki’s eyes follow the sound as it fades out behind him. He actually starts to push you forward after that. “Please walk faster,” he tells you firmly.

You both were relieved when the tour was over. You’d enjoyed all the spooky experiences, but your poor boyfriend had not enjoyed even a moment of it. It was safe to say you wouldn’t be doing any more private haunted tours with him for the rest of the trip.

[oumakokichi]

Do you think that Kokichi had any remorse for Gonta during trial 4 or did he actually not care? I've seen a lot of people saying different opinions from both sides of the argument. But I'm really confused because there was a moment where after Gonta was executed, correct me if I'm wrong but Shuichi asked Kokichi if he could reveal the secret of the outside world (?) But Kokichi replied with something like “I don't want to....” and seemed generally upset? But then a few moments later he snapped out if it and began acting like he had no sympathy whatsoever. I just really wanna know how Kokichi actually, truly felt about Gonta and if he regretted manipulating him. Sorry if you've already been asked this and have already given an answer, thank you!

Hi anon—I actually wrote a pretty big master-post on chapter 4 not too long ago which I think more or less sums up my thoughts on Ouma’s behavior in the post-trial! You can find it here if you want (it���s pretty long and I tried to answer a whole bunch of questions about Ouma in chapter 4 specifically, since it’s the chapter I get asked about the most).

More specifically though, I’m afraid that there is no easy, definitive answer to that question. I can only share my personal opinions about how I believe Ouma felt in that scene. And personally? I do think he was genuinely upset and distraught about Gonta’s death, that he even momentarily considered giving up all his plans and being executed alongside him, and that he cared about Gonta and deeply regretted using him as a sacrificial pawn in his plans.

I’ll discuss what I mean in more detail, but it’ll probably get pretty long, so I’ll put the rest of this post under a cut as always!

The thing is, though, I’ve shared my personal thoughts about the chapter 4 post trial many times, including my reasoning and all of the textual evidence that shows how much Ouma cared about the rest of his classmates. But ultimately, there will probably always be some people who disagree, because their reading of the text will always be a little bit different. Unless we ever have an interview from Kodaka in the future where he directly says, “this is what Ouma was thinking and feeling at this exact moment,” there really won’t ever be a way to know what was going through his head with 100% certainty (and I do feel like leaving it open-ended is something of Kodaka’s intention, anyway, especially since Ouma is supposed to be a very polarizing character).

That being said, I do think it’s worth analyzing the text and drawing your own conclusions, because ndrv3 is a game that changes a lot depending on how you interpret it, and Ouma’s character is included in that. It’s really easy on a first playthrough to get wrapped up in what Ouma says or does without really looking at why he says it, or at his underlying motivations. Going back through the game on a replay though, I do personally think it’s possible to guess at what he might have been feeling during those super conflicting scenes in chapter 4.

In my opinion, I think Ouma did truly care about Gonta as a friend, and that his guilt and remorse over what he did was genuine. Not only did Ouma and DICE have a very strict taboo against killing (mentioned directly in his motive video in Japanese, though the part about it being an actual rule was stripped from the localization), but we don’t see Ouma’s façade crack like this very often. Most of the time when he does his trademark “crocodile tears,” it’s with his very loud, exaggerated crying sprite, and he bounces right back to acting normally within a moment or two.

There are a few exceptions to this, of course—he uses the “crocodile tears” sprite to cry at Kaede, Amami, and Toujou’s deaths, but it’s still very likely he was shaken up by seeing them dead). Nonetheless, we don’t see his much more subdued crying sprites more than a handful of times, particularly in the chapter 4 post-trial just before Gonta’s execution, as well as in Momota’s flashback in chapter 5 when he talks about how Ouma actually hated the killing game the whole time.

I’m aware that some people simply brush these moments aside and assume that Ouma is lying though all of them, but I personally just can’t agree with that interpretation. Assuming that Ouma is lying whenever he shows remorse or guilt or hatred for the killing game means assuming that he’s telling the truth in pretty much every other scene—which doesn’t make much sense, given that his entire character is centered around the concept of lying, as well as moral ambiguity and subverting expectations. Assuming that Ouma actually means what he’s saying 100% of the time unless it just happens to involve showing any kind of guilt or remorse turns him into a very boring, predictable, uninspired character (none of which are words I would use to describe him personally).

Ignoring those moments where Ouma shows genuine attachment to his classmates and distaste for the killing game also means ignoring several key pieces of evidence and clues about him that we are directly provided in the game, including his motive video and Momota’s flashback in chapter 5. Personally, I don’t feel like there’s any reason to include these scenes at all unless it’s to help shed light on Ouma’s motivations and provide players with a clear reason to try and go back through the game again to look at Ouma’s actions through a new perspective.

I also feel that Ouma genuinely cared about Gonta because to put it simply, there was no incentive for him to lie in that scene. He got absolutely nothing out of it—and considering he turns around and starts playing the villain on purpose all of 5 minutes after Gonta’s death, he definitely wasn’t trying to earn sympathy points or trick the rest of his classmates into trusting him. In fact, he could’ve easily tried to make himself look more sympathetic by putting all of the blame on Miu for trying to kill him, or even on Gonta. But instead he fully admits to coming up with the plan to kill Miu and spends the entire post-trial trying to convince everyone not to hate or blame Gonta.

If he was truly as sadistic and horrible as he pretended to be, I think he would’ve pulled a 180 and started throwing names and insults around while Gonta was still alive to hear it, not after he was already dead. If he didn’t care at all about Gonta’s feelings, he had no reason to try and take all the blame on himself while insisting that none of what happened was actually Gonta’s fault. If anything, revealing himself to be this horrible, evil villain who enjoys seeing other people suffer or die would’ve really been adding insult to injury, and probably would’ve crushed Gonta completely, even before his execution started.

But… Ouma doesn’t do any of this. Despite having every opportunity to either portray himself as more of a victim and fling all the blame on Miu and Gonta, or else to completely embrace being a villain who loved seeing people suffer, he doesn’t do either of these things. The way I personally see it, Ouma waits until Gonta is already dead, and when the rest of his classmates begin pushing him for answers about the outside world and demanding to know what Gonta saw, that’s when he finally snaps and resigns himself to acting like a villain in order to make everyone hated.

You could argue that trying to make everyone hate him had a twofold effect: it helped set the stage for him to pretend to be the ringleader in the next chapter, which he clearly wanted, but it also was a way of taking things out on himself and shows just a small glimpse of how much he hated having to dirty his hands in chapter 4. After all, Ouma even says it himself: that the “role of a villain is perfect for him,” because he’s already made everyone hate him. We see Ouma occasionally tease or antagonize the rest of his classmates plenty of times throughout the game, but it’s true that he doesn’t really step into that “villain” role until the end of chapter 4, once he’s crossed a line that he can never come back from by manipulating both Miu and Gonta to their deaths.

None of this is to say that what Ouma did to Gonta is okay, by any means. I think he definitely did care about Gonta and even thought of him as one of the few trustworthy people in the killing game, even someone close to a friend, but that doesn’t mean that manipulating him and using him like a chess piece was okay in the end. I just also think it’s important to realize that there were plenty of extenuating circumstances that led Ouma to act the way he did—including the fact tha he knew Miu was going to kill him, that he already suspected she had measures to prevent him from fighting back or killing her himself in the VR world, and the fact that he did not want to die or get everyone else killed in the trial.

It’s possible for people to care about others without necessarily treating them the best or doing the right thing. A huge part of Danganronpa, something that’s been evident from the very first game, is that sometimes characters can and do hurt each other, even when they care about each other or wouldn’t be a threat otherwise.

It’s the existence of the killing game itself that causes so many characters to go to extremes that they normally wouldn’t, whether it’s Maizono trying to frame Naegi in dr1 despite caring about him a lot, Kaede deciding to try and commit murder under everyone’s noses despite trying to unite the group and wanting everyone to trust her, or Ouma using Gonta as a pawn to kill Miu in his place because he didn’t want to die.

At the end of the day, people are still probably going to have very polarizing opinions about Ouma and the things he did in chapter 4, and that’s honestly okay. In my own opinion, Ouma definitely isn’t a completely flawless, innocent baby who “did nothing wrong”—he absolutely is manipulative, cold, and calculating when he wants to be, and it’s a fact that he got two people killed, even if he didn’t want things to reach that point. But I also personally don’t think it’s fair to write him off as the exact kind of “evil villain” he pretends to be; not only is it a shortsighted interpretation of his larger motivations, but it also completely ignores any replay value and completely shoots down the appeal of trying to interpret Ouma’s thoughts and actions because “he was lying about feeling bad anyway, what’s the point in analyzing him.”

Tl;dr: I do think Ouma cares about Gonta, that he probably even thought of him as the closest thing he had to a friend in the killing game, and that what he did to Gonta in the end wasn’t okay. I think he really did respect Gonta for being such a sweet and kind person, but that he also knew Gonta was extremely naïve and that he would be one of the easiest people in their group to manipulate, hence why he decided to rely on him instead of anyone else. Their friendship is an important part of both of their character arcs, but it’s definitely not what I would call “on equal footing.”

I understand why Ouma’s actions might make some people really resent him, but I also believe that kneejerk reaction of anger and dismissal is exactly the point: Ouma does feel terrible about the things he did, but he doesn’t want anyone’s sympathy or forgiveness, not even the player’s. This, in my opinion, is why he starts embracing the villain role so completely from this point on, and why he’s never quite able to make the same sort of cold, calculating sacrifices in chapter 5 that he did in chapter 4.

I hope this helps answer your question, anon, along with the other chapter 4 post I wrote! Thank you for all your support!