#ig this is a bit of a vent post?

[will-o-wips]

One of these days... I will figure out how tumblr works (finally) and make actual posts y'know. (Currently the only thing I'm struggling with is figuring out how to like, make links that don't take up the entire page, but rather are hidden with words. Can you do that on the mobile app? Or do I need to use my laptop and NO HTML knowledge whatsoever to try and get it? If anybody who knows sees this [frankly barely a handful of people, I know] please educate me I will actually thank you so much.) I will write and refuse to not write.

Out of everything I've been doing lately, me finishing a bunch of stuff from my Genshin WIP checklist is like my proudest moment ever. The wordcount and green coloured boxes are increasing exponentially. This means, however, I gotta make a masterpost of all of my Genshin fics once I actually do finish that enormous checklist in my spreadsheet. I think that me pinning that post will label me as either a madman or a traitor lmaooo, since I am not playing Genshin anymore nor will I ever return, but I think also making an introduction post with more links would be handy for that. That way I can categorize the fandoms I have written for, and what my interests are ig.

(side-tangent: I still don't entirely get how sideblogs work? Like I've made one and deleted it after I saw that it was not allowing me to detach this blog from that one, but like... is it useful for anything else? Like genuinely some people have sideblogs that seem so unrelated to their main blog and I'm worried that maybe I'm just horribly incompetent with technology atp. I should look up "how to tumblr" tutorials on youtube or somewhere man. Wikihow my next best friend, huh.)

This is more of a personal account anyway, but I'd like to think I could end up making some friends via tumblr only, rather than sit around in discord servers hoping for the best. Maybe participation in fandom is also gonna be good? I'd like to be a part of this thing that I'd never really had a chance to explore fully because I'd been too socially awkward to be anything more than a ghost when I was younger.

I wanna write. I wanna see whether people like my writing, whether it resonates; whether I can do justice to the work that inspired me to write it. I wanna have discussions with people about things.

It's such a large and exciting world out there, and I wanna see it. I wanna see it even if I end up flying too close to the sun and sink into the depths of oblivion.

At least then, I'd have seen it.

[strawberrryangel]

today was a good day! *collapses into bed and sobs uncontrollably*

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[multi-lefaiye]

on the note of 'something that makes me actively very upset and uncomfortable but is so specific that asking people to tag for it feels kinda silly to me since i doubt it's something that's gonna come up naturally'

anything about people eating cigarettes. this isn't a joke. that's like one thing that's actively upsetting to me when i see it. calling it a trigger feels a bit strong but yeah that's something that gets to me. even if it's in a jokey way.

i don't tend to ask people to tag for it though because it's like. so specific that i almost *never* see it anyway.

[wayfayrr]

I may not read all of your works, because I like Wild/Sage/Tears/Cal the most and ship other Links with other people. You know Midna, Marin, Malon (and Wars with you now I suppose). But I know you're doing a splendid job. It might not always feel that way and I am aware that compliments from outside might not change how you feel inside. But please don't give up. The worst you can do is lose passion for something you love to do.

Not sure if you experience that too but often we tend to compare ourselves to others. And then talk ourselves down because we aren't as good as them. However people from outside just see two pieces of art and are happy, you know?

I guess it happens to all of us eventually but don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing great. I don't want to say measure your level of skill with your fame on tumblr but just look at how fast you got from 300 to 400 followers. I believe that shows how good you are at what you're doing and also how kind you are. And please never feel like you have to force content or writing. Not for yourself or us. Creativity can't be forced.

I hope this helps a little bit. If you ever need someone to talk I'm sure some of us are there for you and have an open ear *ruffles your hair*

Oh yeah I completely get not reading everything - everyone has their own preferences after all also you shipping wars with me is so funny ngl and losing passion is something I've been scared about (and very close to over the last couple of months) but I'm trying hard to not give up on it.

I do often compare myself to others because I've simply BEEN compared to others for most of my life and it's another thing I'm trying to stop doing. It isn't healthy and it just kinda destroys my own self-esteem lol :P but it's easier said than done.

I think there's a little pressure from how fast I've grown but it's getting easier to deal with than the reasons I was thinking of stopping for, there was just some memories to do with certain parts of what/who I used to write for and who I interacted with that has made me just want to leave a few times over now, but I am pulling through those feelings and not letting them break me! hell they've even helped me to write about other things - it's how tears came into existence after all. I probably won't be leaving this fandom for a good while, even if I did stay for a little out of spite to my own feelings - and while creativity can't be forced the right situations to bring it out can be :) I procrastinate on assessments by writing lol

thank you for being here though <333 it's nice being able to have a bit of a vent like this, plus having a bit of an involuntary writing break has helped a LOT to get me back into it

[coffeeflavored-tears]

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[not-5-rats]

I'm sorry I just need to cry abt things for abit

(cw; talks of animal abuse, minor violence)

Idk how much longer I can stay in this house, my step-'dad' is getting worse. Recently him and my Mum have been arguing sm and today he fucking threatened to kill my cat. I love that cat, his name is Tyr and we got him when he was kitten (2 years ago). He's still a baby, he's my baby boy. He keeps saying he's gonna throw him across the room or snap his neck just cause he sometimes bites, he's fucking 2!

He says it's cause he never wanted the cat, which he should have fucking brought up when we fucking got him! Mum's saying we could just get rid of the cat, see if another family would take him in but I can't deal with that. I don't wanna lose him. I'm literally on the edge rn, schools shit, people are shit, my family is shit, I can't lose Tyr. He's the one thing in the house that cares abt me no matter what.

Ik people might think he's not serious but I've seen how he is with Tyr and my 2 YEAR OLD BROTHER. He's an asshole and pretty fucking serious. I can't stand to lose Tyr, he means so much to me, we got him when I was in such an awful place, I had never had a cat before, he was everything to me, he's still everything to me.

I hate my step-'dad' so fucking much. It's making me consider getting back in touch with my bio Dad (who I've been like minimum contact with for fucking years) and going to live with him. I can't do this anymore chat

[nyaskitten]

Girl u goin straight to hell 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘 😘

[loupgaroualejardin]

Mourning over being bodily a minor.

Like, I'm missing so many things, especially a love life right now.

I want to pursue people my age and gah!

I'm genuinely going to cry over this. It feels, isolating, really.

Like, Yeah, Most of our system is adults and I can talk to them and stuff, but, like I want back my 30+ years of living, y'know?

Like, Fuck, I don't really care about going back to my source and stuff. But, Like, I want free will? Maybe?

I want my house, and my car, and all the other shit. Let me pay taxes, and bills, and everything. I'm fucking miserable.

I'm primarily mourning a love life, because we keep telling ourselves "One more year, One more year." Year after year, wanting to be closer to mid-twenties so we can feel like we finally have the free will to date without feeling like we're doing something wrong.

And please don't come and say "Your mind has never experienced being a actual adult." Blah blah blah. I DON'T CARE!!! I'm a actual adult. I want to be treated like I'm in my thirties. I want to be treated as someone who's older than all these teenagers I'm around. I need it.

I need it so badly and I'm losing my damn shit. I'm losing it and I'm going to pull out our damn hair if I'm not instantly twenty-five (at MINIMUM) by tomorrow.

[doodlingwren]

Hiatus

I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.

Thank you for your patience ❤

Wren

[forest-hashira]

rejection sensitive dysphoria my beloathed

[bardic-irritation]

RIP to the Twitter account I'm finally deleting. I blocked all these people personally, no plugins used or anything, and I still see shit takes on the regular. You will not be missed.

[starswirly]

embrace the soupy-ness of the brain. Embrace brainsoup

[ * I love and appreciate you anon- ]

[ * But this is not something I want to embrace ]

[forthedancingandthethriving]

Smash your competition, baby

Show us some good entertainment

Victory's your only payment

Gladiator, gladiator

[blu3bl00d3d]

vent

I hate how I have two separate theories behind my dreams.

one is psychology based, the other is more emotion based.

Theory one: It's a message, a message from another universe (I personally believe in multiple universes and reality shifting, don't come for me, it's just my opinion). It's a message of some type; it's trying to tell me something, but I'm too scared to hear it.

Theory two: Because I consume a lot (I mean A LOT, this is why other ppl aren't allowed to took at our pinterest) of content around a certain character, said character it more likely to show up in my dreams. Some content of our dreams surrounds personal experiences (PTSD nightmares, those things plague our dreams too often), or content we consume.

Why do I bring this up? My dreams have gotten cryptic all of a sudden, not abstract, but I can't understand them. I can tell what's happening, however, I can't understand it.

Theory one makes me think that he's starting to hate me or starting to lose interest in my personality.

Theory two makes me think that I'm starting to forget him, or that I don't seem to care as much. Which isn't at all true, I still care, and I will do everything I can to not forget him.

It's gotten to the point that I can't think clearly (or as clearly as we used too) enough to do things. I don't know if this will end either. Even though these dreams are making me question our reality, I don't think I want it to go away. It's just the question of which hurts more; questioning reality and our humanity, or losing something I've held onto for a little too long?

[waywardsalt]

anyways. holding linebeck gently