#ik i havent posted in like 6 months or something

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

[zeltqz]

I felt this needed to be sent as an ask. I know it's one of the hardest things to do (writing when your motivation is weighing) but you have to try your best NOT to listen to them (those who keep asking for updates with no consideration of what it's like for the author). Pressure ain't doing nothing but motivating negativity. I know the guilt, I've been there. At the end of the day I gave what I could and the fic ended up being discontinued a month ago. I permanently quit writing because I felt it was so overwhelming and stressful despite being something I absolutely love doing, I just couldn't take knowing people waited for my updates, I was disappointing them and that disappointed me. Talk about depression. Writers depression is very real. So eventually I unpublished my wattpad fics, deleted all my Tumblr fics, and stayed a silent reader, I wrote short poems or small works here and there for my private instagram, just whenever I felt like it. I honestly thought it was permanent. Until a friend of mine started writing which sparked my interest in it again. So I restarted my blog a couple days ago. Gave thought to what it was I wanna write and how I want this blog to be different. Atm I'm barely writing, I started 3 fics last week yet they remain in my drafts untouched with no further progress. But I can honestly say the nonchalance and freedom I have is quite nice, I try to write here and again. Or even if a single sentence or dialogue comes to mind I note it down, that gave life to another sentence and another and another until I put it together and it formed about a decent paragraph.. I'M RAMBLING. I lost track of what I was supposed to say. I don't even know the main point of this story. Forgive me. But seriously, the best advice I can give is to unburden yourself before you drown. Literally. Write what you want when you can, your wips, don't delete them!! I promise you some time later you'll definitely be inspired for them again. And when u do you'll be able to literally write more for it!! I have an idea from 2 yrs ago and it's pretty decent, with some editing it could be even better. So please don't delete them 😭😭 and don't let people push you to update. You can if you can and You can't if you can't!!! I'm here if you need any help 🙏🏻 I noticed that talking about your writing with someone who reciprocates your energy can ignite a full on passionate conversation that will lead to creating quality work!! Like new ideas or even roots to go for old works.. It's a good way to keep the motivation flowing when you're running thin 🤍🤍🤍

this is honestly the sweetest piece of advice soeone ever gave me. its so detailed and relatable too because i used to be a wattpad writer back in 2021 and then ppl kept on asking for update update update and it was so stressful so I just logged out of the account and to this day i havent logged back in 😭😭

as someone who used to be a silent reader i understand the frustration of needing an update. dont get me wrong i understand. i used to feel that exact way because fics were my only source of happiness at one point in my life when everything was shitty. but now im actually writing them, i know why some writers dont want to update so fast because its so much pressure when theres 5-6 ppl in ur inbox asking for update update update

ik how hard it is to finish a story but also how desperate it can get for the readers waiting for said update. which is the reason im constantly trying to keep writing but now i feel like i just cant. im such a perfectionist i dont post anything i dont feel is my best but rn i feel like none of my works are and its making me slack a lot and i feel like if i dont stop feeling this way then i might stop writing as a whole because its making me frustrated

writing genuinely makes me happy bc i feel like its an escape from reality (which i desperately need bc i hate my life) but i cant write good enough which is making me annoyed because i need that reality escape sooooo bad

and the reason i asked yesterday which fics of mine were peoples favourites, most of them were the series that i had deleted from my page because i reread them and hated it so bad. now im rewriting it but with this lack of motivation its one of the hardest things ive had to do in a while

and i barely talk to ppl about my fics because idk i barely recieve comments about them except for PT 2 PLS. like as much as i would LOVE to write part 2 3 4 5 6 7 etc its not motivating enough since i dont have anyone motivating me to write.

ugh this is a lot i dont except anyone to read this but THANKS FOR THE ASK <3

[fossys]

personal system stuff n sh mentions below, but we would like advice so if you are comfortable feel free to read

so ive never gotten to publicly talk about this bcs our irls follow all of our mains but. we have sh scars (on the collective body). we have been clean for almost 6 months (wooho!!) but anon n noire r very on edge about it n i wanna try n help them (i have anons permission to post this even though they disagree with me lmfao).

basically; we hide them and people in our irl besides like 2 select friends do *not* know we ever self harmed. we have some on our arm n some on our thighs so we basically stay fully covered most of the time.

Noire really wants to tell the bodies parents, considering they are all healed, we have been clean for a while, and we know that the bodies dad has dealt with it. Noire is also sick of constantly hiding it because it means we cant dress the body how a lot of us would like to (it also means we havent gone swimming something a lot of us love in a while, because it wasnt until the other day we actually got a swimsuit that could cover all of them.) _ so noire really wants to just sit down with one of the bodys parents and tell them so we can get it over with and stop feeling so bad about it (also bcs it almost got revealed a couple times already).

Anon does not want to do this, since he doesnt trust them or how theyd react to it, and he would rather hide it as long as we possibly can.

see, noire is our primary decision maker n i feel like they should, but it takes anons feelings about it into high priority because they are close, anon fronts a lot of the time and would be affected by how they react, (and the best way i can word this is a lot of them were anons).

so we are kinda stuck in the middle right now. noire would do the talking and actually reveal it, but anon would be affected a lot by how they react. i want to tell them for person benefit, target doesnt seem to care but i think hes nervous about it, glitch couldnt care less, walk thinks we should tell them as well, but ik some of the other fronters that are close with anon arent into the idea of telling them either so. we really dont know what to do right now n need some advice <3

[0-feralscientist-0]

I loved the gamer girl series with shigaraki Will u possibly be making another part of it where things go down uk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Well I wasn’t planning to make a third part (I hadn’t even planned on a second part tbh) but I maaaaaay have just started working on smthin if yk what I mean ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[bts-bay-bee]

Check-In Tag <3

thank you for tagging me, lovely! 💕 @tangledsparkles 

1. Why did you choose your url?

it was the first thing that came to mind ig. literally next to no thought went into my url, and now im too lazy to change it.

2. Any side blogs? If you have them name them and why you have them?

no side blogs,,, one trash blog is enough 💜

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

i first posted on the 1st of May 2021, so just over a year

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I think so but its not exactly working,,,, ill get better at running this blog, i promise

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

so,, because of miss rona, i fell down the bts-rabbit hole and became an army. i wanted to try writing and then this shit-post loving blog was created

6. Why did you choose your icon?

tae was my bias at some point, and now i just keep getting biaswrecked. but im too lazy to change it lol. im probably never changing it tbh

7. Why did you choose your header?

ITS A PLAIN BLACK BANNER. it was something that was easy and i didnt exactly have to do anything to make it fit my theme.

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

i think its Quarantine? that just hit 3k lately, its also my only fic that has ever been on fic recs so yeah 😂 

9. How many mutuals do you have?

i literally counted so 20,,,, but im too shy to speak to most of them. 

10. How many followers do you have?

710. my goal is 1k by the end of the year 🥺 also, i feel like most of my followers are p*rn bots 😂 

11. How many people do you follow?

63,,,, i went on a massive unfollow spree the other day and unfollowed any blogs that havent been active for the past 6 months. before that, it was 100+

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uhhh look at my entire masterlist

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

literally all the time. even if im not reblogging things or replying to my dms, im usually just scrolling.

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?

?no? if i ever get into a fight/get hate i’ll just delete it. if i wanted to fight i wouldve just spoken to my family, damn

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

bs. i reblog what you wanna reblog, idc idc.

16. Do you like tag games?

i like all games, it makes me feel like i have friends on here 😂

17. Do you like ask games?

refer to my answer above 🥺👉👈

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

uhh i think @ladyartemesia ? when i saw they reblogged a gif set from me i was like 

and also like “miss ma’am what are you doing here, we dont post quality things on this blog 😭” but yeah. shocked. i also wanted to send them a hbd message but ofc im too shy (and we have a birthday in the same week, even bigger shocker ik).

19. Do I have a crush on a mutual?

all my mutuals are angels, why am i limited to having a crush on one?

20. Tags?

ahhhhhhhh i literally havent spoken to many people on here, so you guys dont have to do it if you dont want to!!!.

@rkivemagic @michael-is-bae @joonwater @lunar-jimin @ladyartemesia​

[yutasenpie]

tag game

tagged by @softminn !

1. why did you choose your url?

pretty self explanatory ahaha, it’s like yuta senpai but a play on words so it’s senpie instead!

2. any side blogs?if you have them name them and why you have them?

i do actually!! however it’s for something i’m not too comfortable sharing on here!! it’s a safe place to interact with people that struggle with the same problem and i wouldn’t want to bring that to this blog :)

3.how long have you been on tumblr?

i’d say maybe two/three months?? i used to just ghost read on safari but i decided i wanted to write as well so here i am :D

4. do you have a queue tag?

i’m pretty sure i know what it is but i don’t have one.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

honestly just to read!! i used to just write on wattpad so i thought i’d stay and write there but i decided to move and write here too!!

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp.

it’s yuta duh.

7. why did you choose your header?

it’s goes pretty well with my whole account theme!! (and purples also my favourite colour)

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

my johnny ‘stay home’ one i’m pretty sure!

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i havent counted but they’re honestly all such amazing writers, i try to reblog their work as much as i can. i’ll probably make a section for fic suggestions!!

10. how many followers do you have?

50!! thank you to everyone that follows me, ily mwah <3

11. how many people do you follow?

41!

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

not on here i don’t think 😭

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

okay so i’m either here every second or every 3-4 business days i’m inconsistent i’m sorry 😞😞 but HEY schools over this week so force me to post 😁

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

no no no!! but @yeonluvbot is on thin ice.

15. how do you feel about, ‘you need to compare this’ posts?

call me lame i have no idea what that is 😭

16. do you like tag games?

yes! but they do take a lot of time to write out.

17. do you like ask games?

yes but i haven’t received/done any!! might make a prompt list :)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@wh6res and they totally should be their work is amazing omg.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope but ik ur all fine 😩

20. tags

whoever feels like it :D

[imjustyouraveragenoone]

why u sucked

since my mind keeps replaying all the reasons u were perfect, here are the reasons u were fucking far from it.

1. ur ex drama. u dumped me for ur ex, then u realized that she was not right for u so u hit me up again. u got jealous that ur best friend was hitting me up and made sure to put an end to that really fast by making moves on me while u were still w ur ex. then u talked to me for a good period to follow thru on ur own ego problems and then proceeded to hook up w ur ex. who the actual fuck does this. stick to ONE u absolute manwhore. if u were so in love with ur ex why would u flirt with me while u guys were together, if u were so in love with me why would u hook up with her while we were talking. u literally just dont care about anyone but ur motherfucking self and it took me way too long to realize it, it took me my literal parents having to split us up for me to see the damage u did. 

2. u never made any effort to come see me. everything was on ur schedule, if u didnt want to hang out with me, u would go off. if u were horny, u would stay on. no explanations needed. if u felt like opening up, u would. otherwise, just pictures of ur eyebrow. i was constantly the one running around in circles trying to make this work. i decided to come see u in the morning, i would be the one who would come stand by ur friends at the end of the day, u never would fucking ask me to. unless, of course, it was whether u could come over to fuck. then, you would ask without any hesitation and beg and plead and do everything in ur power to make it work. don’t think i ever saw that effort in any other aspect of our relationship, hmmmmmm. no sentimental gifts or cute texts. u literally did the bare minimum and for some fucking reason i idealized u for it. mostly because i thought that most girls wouldnt even be lucky enough to get the bare minimum from u, and im prolly right. like u fucked me up SO BAD that one day u were telling me abt some girl u ghosted and my fUCKED UP MIND ACTUALLY WENT “WOW I MUST BE SPECIAL SINCE HE NEVER GHOSTED ME. MUST MEAN THAT HE ACTUALLY LOVES ME.” TF??????????????????????? mental issues. 

3. u literally sent me essays about not trusting me and all this shit that made me think that u were breaking up with me the DAY of my sat and then claimed u forgot i had to take it that day. i woke up in such a panic thinking that u were trying to dump me the day of the most important test of my literal life. why the fuck would anyone do that. why. i knew every date of ur physics tests, i knew what was going on in ur life, even finding out things from ur sister because i wanted to know. u just didnt even care at all. like ik u prolly actually did forget but if i was even important to u u would not of ever forgot in the first place. 

4. the constant dumping. dude, if ur just gonna constantly pull that shit for u to fulfill some insecurity in ur head and make u feel like u have the power in the relationship, u need help. im sorry that all ur exes were downright obsessed with u and u never had to wonder if u were the one who cared less in the relationship, but just because i didnt do that doesnt mean that u can just keep tryna dump me to affirm ur power struggles. 

5. blaming ur own shortcomings on ur broken past. i dont doubt it, but letting ur past define u is not taking u anywhere and ur just gonna end up stuck in ur own cycle of not dealing with ur problems.

6. the literal lack of any kind of ambition, drive and hard work ethic. u work hard to appear cool, to get girls, to get drugs, to do all this unnecessary shit, why u cant put that effort into simple homework assignments so ur not FAILING a class, i will never know. 

7. u had every right to get mad at me for being friends with ishan or whatever but i dont fucking think i have ever called u out for being best friends with every single ex u have ever had in fact i trust u so much i dont care that u spend literally 90% of ur time with at least one girl that u have had history with whether its roopa, khushi, and many more that i havent heard abt yet.

8. u hooked up w roopa. bruh. thats just disgusting and u know it. 

9. u always came for ME about hearing things from other ppl abt what i was up to. UM. UM??????? do u KNOW the shit i heard about u but didnt even confront u because i trusted u THAT much. lmaoooooo looking back u were a fucking clown for even bringing up that argument. sure, i was far from perfect and i made some questionable choices, but bruh so did YOU. 

10. u rlly tried to hit it without a condom. are u fucking retarded. imagine if i got pregnant. forget my parents literally kicking me out. imagine the atrocity of my kids having YOU as a father. nightmare shit..

11. u were so fucking emotionally distant that i literally took every small BARE MINIMUM nice thing u did and fucking RAN with it. looking back its so clear that u rlly didnt do anything special, u didnt say anything special, u did not do anything to prove u loved me. all u were good at was empty words to string me on because we both know that saying shit takes no effort and ur all about that no effort lifestyle. like now that im thinking about it..... what have u done for me? what have u done? said i love you, texted me a shit ton when u were horny, said a bunch of future shit and made me laugh. wow u fulfilled the basic requirements of a relationship, and since u have a nice little reputation for being an asshole, i took that as a WOW HE MUST RLLY LOVE ME. thats actually so sad that i lowered my standards THAT much just so that i could be with u.

12. u made me cry and feel so low for so much of the relationship and i rlly dont understand why i thought we were so perfect. the lows we had were downright unacceptable and u never were able to truly put ur pride aside to tell me how u felt about me besides when we were fighting or u felt like u were losing me and thats how i know that the love we had mightve been genuine or whatever, but its not the love i deserve. 

7 months wasted, lowkey grateful my parents pulled me outta that shit bc i never would have had the mental strength to do it and we prolly woudlve ended up breaking up in like a few months bc u hooked up w some unc charlotte hoe or something. yikes. what u have been up to post-relationship is neither my business nor something i have a right to be upset about so im not gonna go off on u for that because i rlly dont have the mental space to care abt what ur up to now. 

my next lover better be someone who isnt fucking scared to show that they care about me, someone that respects me, someone that isnt selfish and obsessed with using girls to fill their own shortcomings. love shouldnt be a constant power struggle and i should never have to wonder whats going on in ur life. ur supposed to KNOW what ur boyfriend is up to. its part of a relationship. so fuck u for making me drop my standards to such comical levels. 

[chittaphonsicecream]

blackmail: a wonwoo hacker!au

synopsis: you’ve dumped your ex boyfriend and blocked him on everything, but you’re pretty sure he’s been logging into your social media accounts and stalking you. your best friend suggests that you go to the IT nerds at school and ask for some help in figuring out who’s watching you. you enlist jeon wonwoo’s help in stopping him and wreaking a little bit of havoc of your own. female reader x wonwoo ft kaistal bc I miss them

word count: 6.4k (the ending is kinda rushed bc i was lowkey sick of writing)

a/n: this takes place in an american college:) so basically… this is based on something that happened to me (the stalking part). wonwoo doesn’t get introduced for a while but when he does it’s worth it. it’s really angsty and slow but I hope you enjoy.

“Look, I think we’re better apart,” you said, staring your boyfriend directly in the eyes.

“I don’t agree,” he said. He grabbed your hand a little too forcefully. “You are the only one for me.”

“Jason…” you said. You took a deep sigh and looked at him. “I’ve been telling you for the past hour, we are over.”

“No, you can’t do this,” he said. “Yes, yes, I can,” you said. “You need to leave.”

“So the past nine months have been a lie?”

“No, the past nine months have been you manipulating me into thinking that I loved you and that you’re as good as it gets,” you deadpanned. “Jason, you need to leave. Now.”

“No!” he yelled. “There’s nobody like you, _____.”

“Yes, there is. I’m not special. Now get out before I call the police,” you threatened. “You’ve wasted nine months of my life, don’t waste another minute.”

“You need professional help, you know that, right?” questioned Jason. “You’re the most heartless, uncaring bitch I’ve ever met.”

“Hm, sucks for you,” you said. “Now get the fuck out of my apartment before Krystal comes home.”

“Fine, but we’re not done talking,” he said. “We’ll make it through this.”

“I really don’t think so,” you replied as you pushed him out of your apartment and slammed the door in his face.

Knowing what Jason could be like, you quickly locked your doors and waited in the farthest room in your apartment. He had been manipulating you for as long as you could remember, convincing you that you were happiest with him when really he was isolating you from the rest of your friends and family. You hadn’t even liked him; he just continually told you that he liked you until you caved in and consented to being his girlfriend. In reality, he was one of the worst people you knew.

Following the breakup, he relentlessly tried to contact you and become your friend. He even went as far as to send his older brother’s ex girlfriend, a good friend of yours, to tell you how much he missed you and how unhappy he was without you. She warned you heavily to stay away from him and his entire family.  

After you blocked Jason and cut him off completely, you began to adjust back to your normal life. You were becoming happier, more outgoing, and more of who you used to be. Everyone in your life noticed the positivity.

Chatting over bowls of cereal, you and Krystal were sitting at your small kitchen table. You opened up your Snapchat to find yourself logged out, which could mean one of two things: either Snapchat was being its typical glitchy self or someone else had logged into your account. The only person who knew your password was Krystal.

“Hey, Krystal, did you log into my Snap?” you asked.

“No, why?” she replied.

“Nothing,” you mumbled. “It must be glitching or something.”

“Okay,” she said. “Hey, are you still friends with Jason’s cousin?”

“Which one?”

“The one that introduced the two of you.”

“Oh, Hailey. Yeah, but we’re not as close as we were when Jason and I were just friends. And then we kind of drifted when I dumped him and now we hardly see or talk to each other.”

“I didn’t care that much,” laughed Krystal. “I was just wondering why your Instagram profile pic has her in it now.”

“I didn’t change it,” you said.

“Yeah, you did.” Krystal held up her phone to your face to show a picture of you and Hailey, clearly happy. It was a photo taken during the camping trip where you and Jason became close.

“I don’t remember changing it.” You grabbed her phone and took a closer look. You had more followers than you remembered, too, and you were private. “Maybe I did it when I was falling asleep last night.”

“I think it’s pretty new,” she said, “and you do weird stuff when you’re tired, so I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yeah,” you mumbled in reply.

Over the next few months, small but strange things continued happening on your social media. Snapchats had been opened that you couldn’t recall seeing, follow requests that you never saw were accepted, direct messages were opened by someone other than you, posts you never saw were liked, stories you never viewed were watched, and random people were added to your Snapchat. Again, you didn’t think much of it.

After a few months of avoiding Hailey and discussing the breakup, you finally met up with her for lunch. She was desperate to catch up with you, especially after you had distanced yourself so severely from her. At one point she had been your best friend, but now the two of you were more like strangers.

The small restaurant was a nice little meeting place, and you arrived a few minutes early to make sure that your reservation was claimed. It was commonplace for Hailey to arrive rather late, from five minutes to forty-five minutes. After you ordered drinks for the both of you, she arrived.

“Sorry for being so late,” she apologized profusely.

“Hailey, you’re always late,” you laughed. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to see how you’ve been holding up,” she offered. “You know, our whole family really believed that you and Jason would get married. We’d never seen him like the way he was with you.”

“The way he was with me was constantly manipulating me and making my life toxic,” you spat. “Hailey, I didn’t come here so you could talk me into getting back together with Jason.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, “but I thought it was worth a shot.”

“A shot that’ll ruin our friendship permanently. He’s an awful person. I don’t hate people, but I hate him,” you deadpanned. “Can we talk about literally anything else?”

“Alexa had her second kid,” Hailey offered, “and Nick is finally engaged to Alondra.”

Hailey went on a tangent about her older siblings and their success before circling back around to what she really wanted to talk about.

“And I’m dating someone, too,” she said quietly. “I didn’t want to mention anything since your past relationship was so bad.”

You laughed. “I’m not that terrible of a person. I can be happy for someone else, you know?”

“Okay,” smiled Hailey. “He’s going to Cozumel with my family and me next week. The whole crew is going, Alexa and her family, Nick and his fiance, and Jason’s family. Jason’s sister Madison is already pregnant and they wanted to get in a trip before the baby’s born.”

“They’ve been married for six months!” you exclaimed. “I was Jason’s date to the wedding. That’s…”

“An accident?” offered Hailey. “I think so, but she and Chad deny it.”

“Whatever makes them feel better,” you said.

“Yeah.” She took a sip of her drink. “Do you think I’m being too forward by bringing my boyfriend on a family trip? It’s only been a few months.”

“At least you’ll know soon whether this relationship is going to work.” It was meant to be a joke, but Hailey took it seriously. The conversation was becoming uncomfortable, forced with the continuous mention of Jason, so finally you excused yourself, left a twenty dollar bill on the table, and headed home.

The next week, strange things continued to happen on your social media. Knowing you, you continued to ignore it and think nothing of it. Finally, as you opened up your Instagram, you got a strange notification.

We detected an unusual login attempt. iOS | Jun 27, 6:10 AM | Cozumel, Mexico

Your heartbeat soared as you realized what this could mean. Tears welled up in your eyes as you quickly texted Hailey.

hey, are you in cozumel?

yeah, we landed a little before 6 this morning. why?

nothing. jason flew with you?

yes what’s wrong

nothing don’t worry

You ran to the bathroom where Krystal was getting ready for the day and started banging on the door. “Krystal!” you shouted. “Krystal, open the door!” You were crying and sat on the floor of the hallway until Krystal opened the door.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Jason has been logging into my accounts all this time. You know that weird stuff that was constantly happening on my accounts? It was him.”

“How?”

“I don’t know… All of my passwords are pretty difficult.”

“Okay, well, let’s start with changing your passwords.” Krystal paused for a second, and then spoke again. “How do you know it’s him?”

“Who else would be stalking my accounts? I’m not interesting. I blocked him on everything, and then this morning I get a notification that someone in Cozumel has been logging into my account. And you know who flew into Cozumel this morning? Jason.”

“Text him,” Krystal said. “See if he’ll say he’s been logging into your accounts.”

jason

wow didn’t expect to hear from you anytime soon

yeah ik

u feeling lonely i guess? ;)

no

aw babe

don’t aw babe me why have you been logging into my social media

I havent??

yes you fucking have leave me the fuck alone

no i havent

I got a notification saying someone in cozumel has been logging into my accounts and ik weird shit has been going down in my account this is illegal

theres lots of people in cozumel what if it wasnt me

im going to the police

you have no proof that its me

ill find a way to get proof leave me tf alone stay out of my accounts

Krystal snatched your phone from your hands. “I don’t really think we can do anything if he denies it,” she sighed. Her eyes lit up. “I know some kids in the IT department of school. I bet they’d help.” She pulled you up from off the floor. “Get ready, let’s go talk to them.”

You dressed quickly because the sooner you met with the IT kids, the sooner you could figure out who had truly been stalking you. As soon as you were ready, you grabbed Krystal’s arm and started jogging towards the campus. She had dressed well, like always, but you were comfortable and ready to run.

After a few minutes of running, you finally arrived at the university’s tech department. Krystal was friends with most everybody, so she showed you where the IT kids could be found. She knocked quietly on the door after you had ran up the stairs to the entrance.

“Come in,” someone called from the other side.

“Hey, guys,” Krystal said as she opened up the door. “I need a favor.”

“What is it?” one of the boys asked. There was only one girl, and she was quietly working away at her computer, headphones in ears.

“_____, tell them what’s been happening,” she said as she pushed you towards them.

You began your long tale of your toxic relationship, the messy breakup, the strange social media occurrences, and finally, that morning’s notification.

“I’d recommend talking to Wonwoo, the boy over there,” said the boy that Krystal knew. “He’s good with that stuff. Doesn’t get caught, either.”

“Okay, thank you,” you said. You walked over to the tall, dark haired boy with glasses. “Hi,” you said softly. “I need you to do me a favor. I’ll literally do anything for it.” You paused. “Well, not anything.”

“What is it?” 

“I need you to find out who has been logging into my Instagram accounts. You’re a hacker, right?” you asked.

“Yeah,” he said, “but I’m more of a vigilante hacker. I don’t just hack to hack.”

“Well, I think you’ll be intrigued by what I’m going to tell you,” you replied hopefully. You began your spiel once more, and by the end, Wonwoo had his chin in his hands and was staring at you intently.

“It’ll take me maybe ten minutes to figure out if he’s been logging into your account, but from the looks of it, he definitely has,” Wonwoo said. “But this isn’t my style. My style is more messing with people who did bad things on the internet.”

“Okay, but will you see if it’s even him? I think it is but can you make sure anyway?” you asked.

“Yeah, give me a few.” Wonwoo turned to his computer and left you alone

“Hey, _____,” Krystal called from across the room. “I’m heading home. I don’t want to be here too long. Are you okay on your own?”

“I’m fine,” you replied as you took a seat next to Wonwoo and watched him type rapidly. “You don’t mind if I stay with you, do you?”

“No, I really don’t.” Wonwoo didn’t even look up from his computer as he kept typing. After a few minutes, he came up empty handed. He looked at you confusedly. “His phone is heavily protected. I don’t know what kind of software this person has installed, but I can’t access it. All I can access is the Apple ID of the person that owns the phone, and it’s a bunch of random numbers and letters. I can try hacking into that, but I don’t think it’s going to lead anywhere.”

“What do you mean?” you asked.

“I mean your ex-boyfriend is either incredibly clever or he has someone else doing the dirty work for him,” Wonwoo said.

“He’s really smart. Tech savvy.”

“Then he knows what he’s doing.” Wonwoo looked back at the screen and then to you. “I think I can figure out if it’s him, but it’ll take a solid half hour. I have to hack into the account and then see all of the phones and devices the accounts have been linked to and see if any of them belong to him. You should go get food or something while I do this; it might be a while.”

“Okay,” you said. “I’ll bring something back for you. What do you want?”

“How about burgers?” he asked.

“I’ll be back soon. You have my number now, so text me what you want,” you said with a smile. Wonwoo nodded before pulling out his phone and sending you his order.

After about fifteen minutes, you were back with burgers. Wonwoo was spinning around in his chair and smiled at you. “It’s him. That Jason guy, it’s him.”

“I’m not surprised.”

“I know you want to go to the police, but I want to have a little fun,” Wonwoo said. “This is my speciality of sorts.”

“But what if you get caught?” you asked.

“I won’t.” He took his burger from you. “Consider this payment for my deeds,” he said with a wink.

“I don’t know if I want you to mess with him. He’s a little psycho.”

“He’s not just a little psycho, he’s a lot psycho.” Wonwoo smiled at you softly. “Look, ____, if you don’t want me to, I won’t. But I think you want this guy to get a taste of his own medicine.”

“Of course I do,” you said. “But what could we possibly do to him?”

“I have some ideas, but you’ll have to consent. And they can be pretty shady, but I promise you, we won’t get caught,” Wonwoo said.

“What are your ideas?” you asked.

“If you give me your phone, I can retrieve every conversation the two of you have ever had. The embarrassing, the sweet, the manipulative, everything. Blackmail him with his own nudes? Done. Blackmail him with the embarrassing, loving, manipulative things he told you? Done. He won’t mess with you ever again, not as long as you’ve got this on your side.”

You stared at him. His proposal was intriguing to say the least. You knew Krystal would approve, but you also knew that he would access a lot of vulnerable things about you. You had some rather revealing photos in there, and while that did bother you, it didn’t bother you as much as the awkward and embarrassing photos you sent or the things you had confided in Jason. But you knew that he may never stop unless you made him stop, and you’d rather it be in your hands than in the authority’s hands. You looked at him, bit your lip, and then agreed.

“You promise you won’t judge me?” you asked.

“I promise,” replied Wonwoo softly. He gave your hand a gentle squeeze to reassure you. “You’re a good person. I can tell by just how you are. Texts between some manipulator and you aren’t going to make me change my mind.”

“Okay.” You handed him the phone. “But can you walk me home and then take my phone? I don’t want to be without my phone in the city.”

“Sure,” he said. He began packing up his things and then wrapped an arm around you. “It’s going to be fine. I’m good at what I do, and I don’t care about what you said. I only care about what he said.” He squeezed your shoulder gently. “It’s going to be okay. I’m not him.”

“You don’t need to tell me that,” you laughed as you detached yourself from him. “I know you’re not him.”

“Okay, good.” The two of you began the short walk from the university, through a bit of town, to your apartment. Once you neared your apartment, you reluctantly placed your phone in his palm.

“When will you be back?” you asked. “I kinda need my phone back.”

“I’ll come by tomorrow, how about that?”

“Okay.”

“We can go through what you think would affect him most tomorrow. I’ll just download it all to my laptop. Since you won’t have your phone, just expect me to come over sometime between noon and one, okay? I have some actually IT work to do tomorrow morning but I’ll just have it download while I sleep tonight.”

“Alright,” you said softly. “Thanks for doing this for me.”

“I’m an internet vigilante. It’s what I do,” responded Wonwoo with a wink. “See you around, ______.”

He watched as you entered your apartment building and stayed until he saw that you were safely inside. Once you were back inside your apartment, Krystal jumped to ask questions.

“What’d they find out?” she asked.

“He’s been stalking me,” you said shakily.

“Well, are you going to report it to the police or what?” she asked, playing with her fingers.

“Actually… about that,” you began, “I’m not going to the police.”

“Are you stupid?”

“Well, Wonwoo-”

“Wonwoo, huh?”

“It’s not like that. I literally just met him.”

“Oh, really? Then why’d he walk you home? And stay until he knew you were in the building?”

“Shut up,” you replied quickly. “We’re going to give Jason a taste of his own medicine. Wonwoo’s keeping my phone for the night to download everything I had regarding Jason and to retrieve all of the old messages and stuff and then he’s gonna… well… blackmail him, I guess.”

“No way,” laughed Krystal. “You’re blackmailing the psycho? I didn’t realize you were that ballsy.”

“It wasn’t my idea,” you clarified. “Wonwoo says he’s like some internet vigilante or something and it’s similar to stuff he always does.”

“Wait, so he walked you home because?”

“He needed to take my phone but I didn’t want to go home without it. And I think he’s honestly a little afraid for me.”

“He’s nice. Kinda quiet but nice.”

“Quiet?”

“Yeah. He’s said maybe ten words total to me.”

“We spoke a lot.”

“Maybe he likes you better than me.”

“Maybe.”

“Well,” Krystal said while lightly punching your arm, “aren’t you afraid of what Wonwoo is going to find on your phone?”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” you responded. “All that matters is that Jason leaves me alone. And I don’t think he’ll care much anyway. He knows what he’s seen when he’s being a vigilante or whatever.”

“Yeah, sure,” Krystal said sarcastically. “Whatever. You know what I think you should do? Get drunk.”

“I’m not going to get drunk,” you laughed. “I think I’m just going to sleep until tomorrow morning. I don’t want to think about this.”

“It’s only noon.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to deal with this.”

“You don’t want to deal with this stalker drama or you don’t want to deal with knowing Wonwoo will go through everything on your phone?” suggested Krystal.

“Shut up,” you said. “For real, I’m going to sleep.”

You headed to your room and decided to sleep for the rest of the day. You finally woke up around two am after hours upon hours of sleep. Krystal was still awake, and she had her boyfriend Kai over. They were talking on the couch when you came out.

“Hey, guys,” you said with a small smile. “I didn’t know you were going to be over, Kai.”

“Krystal was just telling me the rundown on your stalker,” explained Kai.

“Oh,” you mumbled. “Yeah.”

“Jason will get what’s coming to him. If not now, when he’s thirty-five and his future wife leaves him,” he laughed.

“Kai, that’s rude,” Krystal said.

“Okay and?”

Krystal moved a little closer to Kai and smiled. It made you miss the days of having a boyfriend, but you knew that missing Jason was detrimental to yourself.

“So are you really having some hacker kid go through all the stuff on your phone just to blackmail Jason? Someone you don’t know?”

“At this point, nothing is really worse than knowing Jason wasn’t leaving me alone, so yeah, I am,” you replied. “He’s gonna be over around noon, by the way.”

“I’m gonna be out,” Krystal said.

“Where?”

“I don’t know. Kai, can I come over to yours?”

“Sure, babe.”

“You just did that so Wonwoo and I would be alone!”

“Also so I won’t have to see Jason’s nudes. I know that Wonwoo will be able to dig some up.”

“Fine.”

“Well, it’s two in the morning and I’ve got to be up at six, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” Krystal said. “C’mon, Kai, we’re going to bed.”

You watched Kai and Krystal leave the room and decided to clean the small apartment. By the time you were finished, the sun was starting to rise and Krystal would be waking up soon to head to the gym for her early morning workouts. Once Krystal was awake, she made some food for the both of you.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay,” she reassured you. “Jason will get whatever’s coming. Don’t worry about it. And you should probably catch a few hours of sleep before Wonwoo comes over, too.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “I’ll go to sleep in a few.”

A few hours later, you were awoken with the sound of Kai attempting to make Krystal a proper breakfast. It was nine in the morning, and you rolled back over only to be bombarded by the pair running into your room with sad looking pancakes.

“Cheer up!” Krystal said. “Just because you have a psycho manipulative stalker ex-boyfriend doesn’t mean you get to act like the world is ending!”

“I think it does mean I get to act like the world is ending,” you replied.

“I tried really hard to make these,” Kai said, shoving the plate in your face. “Come out to the kitchen and eat them, please.”

“Fine,” you grumbled. You got up and followed Kai to the kitchen table. His pancakes weren’t too bad, but they definitely not good. Once you took a bite and gave them a thumbs up, Kai backed off.

“I’ve got to get to work,” he said. “See ya later, guys. I left my keys to my apartment on your nightstand if you still want to go over there when Wonwoo’s here.”

Krystal nodded and smiled at him before leaning over to give him a peck on the cheek. “Okay, be safe.”

The next few hours passed rather quickly, with Krystal running around doing random things and you eating more food than you probably should. Before you knew it, Krystal had left to Kai’s and you were alone, waiting for Wonwoo’s arrival.

Just before noon, there was a knock at the door. You opened it quickly, and there was your expected guest. He had takeout in one hand and your phone in the other.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said shyly. “I thought it would be good to have lunch since…”

“Oh, thank you!” you replied, taking it from him. You grabbed chopsticks and you both settled down on the couch. There was a gap between the two of you and an awkward silence filled the room. Finally, Wonwoo cleared his throat.

“You know, I don’t think much different of you,” he said quietly. “Except that you’re maybe kinda dumb.”

“I’m dumb?” you questioned.

“Yeah, you’re dumb.” He chuckled softly to himself.

“Why?”

“Because you had barely started texting this guy and you told him everything about yourself. And I mean everything. I think I know you better than I know my brother, now.”

“I don’t know why I did it. I guess he made me feel important.” You sighed and bit your lip before looking up at Wonwoo. “We can see how well that turned out.”

“It’ll be fine. We’ll get him back,” Wonwoo reassured you.

“I honestly thought it was love at first sight. Or something of the sort. I just saw him and knew ‘you’re going to be important in my life.’”

“I don’t believe in love at first sight.”

“Really?” you asked.

“I think you’ve got to know them really well before you can love them,” he said. “Anyway, let’s choose what we want to get started with.”

He pulled out his laptop and opened it up to reveal a file containing every interaction you had with Jason on your phone. “Do you want to start small or start big?”

“Start big,” you said.

“Let’s start with the nudes, then,” he said. “Here’s my idea, but if you don’t like it, we won’t do it.” You nodded in response. “Okay. I have a program on here that creates a protected fake phone number. Almost like a prepaid that you can’t pinpoint. But there actually is no number that exists. It’ll just show up as unknown. I’ll begin sending him pictures he sent you or tell him his own secrets. Just to mess with his mind a little bit, and after that, we’ll tell him to stay away from girls or we’ll leak it all on the internet.”

“Will you really?”

“No, of course not. I’m not that terrible of a person.”

“Okay,” you acquiesced. “But if it gets shady at any moment, we’re stopping the whole thing.”

“Not to be rude, but it’s already shady.”

“Fine. If it get shadier.”

He nodded and began typing rapidly on his computer until he was at the program that allowed for him to send the messages. He went into the file where he had stored everything from your phone and began clicking until he got to the bad stuff: the pictures.

“Hey, Wonwoo, I have a question,” you said softly. He nodded in reply. “Did you by any chance… see any of me?”

Wonwoo began coughing and refused to make eye contact with you. His cheeks were becoming rosy, and he looked at you. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. I’m not like that, I swear. I’ve never even had a girlfriend.”

It was your turn to be uncomfortable. “You’ve never had a girlfriend? How old are you?”

“I’m almost twenty-two…”

“Why not? You seem completely normal. If a psycho like Jason could get a girlfriend, you easily could.”

“But a psycho like your ex also goes out and talks to people. This… this is my life. I don’t talk to people unless it’s over the computer. How am I supposed to meet someone?”

“Haven’t you ever heard of online dating?”

“God, I’m not that pathetic.”

The computer pinged, and you both turned to look at it. Jason had replied.

who is this

IT DOESN’T MATTER. YOU’LL NEVER FIND ME ANYWAY

who tf is this i swear to god i will find you and beat your ass

YOU MIGHT BE SMART BUT I AM SMARTER.

how did you get that picture of my dick

I HAVE MORE

who is giving this to you

NO ONE OF ANY IMPORTANCE. STAY AWAY FROM ________ OR I’LL LEAK THEM

nice try

Wonwoo looked at you expectantly. “What do you want to do?”

“Keep it up. Send in more.”

image: sent

wtf

I HAVE MORE

leave me alone

NOT UNTIL YOU LEAVE _______ ALONE

who are you you’re not her she’s above this

IT ISN’T RELEVANT

ok fine but ur fucking weird

LEAVE ________ ALONE

nah bro. I gotta have fun in mexico with my fam but this conversation isnt over be back in two hours

“Now all we can do is wait,” he said.

“I don’t know why he’s so dumb. If someone was blackmailing me, I’d just stop whatever I was doing.”

“Not to be rude, but apparently you don’t have good taste in intelligent men. Or in men in general.”

“You’re kinda rude, you know that?”

“I’m more socially awkward than rude. It’s usually pretty hard for me to talk to someone like we are now.”

“Aren’t I special?”

“Yeah, actually, you kinda are.”

“Aw, you say I have shit taste in men and then tell me I’m special. My heart is melting,” you deadpanned.

“It’s true. This guy doesn’t have common sense, sends shitty dick pics, treats you like shit, and did I mention that he’s also not that much of a looker?”

“You think I don’t know that he’s a terrible, ugly, dumb person?”

“I think you’re way out of his league.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. You felt your face flush but refused to look at him. “Can we talk about anything else? You know basically everything about me; it’s my turn to know everything about you.”

In most cases, Wonwoo would’ve objected completely. This wasn’t comfortable for him, it wasn’t fun, either. But when it came to you, he was okay with it. You were open about yourself with him, so he didn’t see any reason not to be open with you. Besides, he’d practically seen you naked at this point, so he knew you couldn’t judge him.

The conversation flowed easily, the both of you talking about your family, your lives before college, the college experience, your friends, your interests, the things that made you happy, the things that made you cry. With every sentence exchanged, you felt a stronger connection to Wonwoo. This time when you felt that he was going to be important in your life, you knew that it wasn’t your brain being dumb and desperate. It was honest, and it was real.

Before the either of you realized it, the two hours were up and Jason had replied. Again, it was something stupid.

I’m not fucking dumb. I know how to hack too. I swear on my life that i will find out whoever you are. you can’t hide from me

This time Wonwoo looked genuinely concerned. He turned to you and asked, “Do you think he actually is good enough to find me?”

“Why are you asking me!” you exclaimed. “You told me we wouldn’t be caught. I swear to god, Wonwoo, if we get caught, I’m going to beat you up.”

“I know, but he seems smart enough technologically. And if he knows people…”

“The only people he knows that are into IT are the people at this school. And anybody that could help him already knows how insane he is, so I think we’re going to be fine.”

“Okay,” he said as he processed what to do next. “Also, for the record, I don’t think you could beat me up.”

“You’re a literal string bean. I probably weigh way more than you. Just because you’re tall doesn’t mean you can’t get your ass whooped.”

Wonwoo laughed. “I’m starting to really like you,” he blurted. His eyes widened as you looked up at him. “As a friend, of course.”

“Of course.” You took the laptop from hi shands and began typing a message to Jason yourself in an attempt to ease the awkwardness of the situation.

I DON’T THINK YOU’LL BE ABLE TO FIND ME, BUT YOU CAN TRY. DON’T FORGET, I HAVE MORE. I CAN AND WILL USE IT AGAINST YOU IF YOU DON’T TURN YOURSELF IN FOR MANIPULATING, ABUSING, AND STALKING _______.

“Is that really going to work?” asked Wonwoo.

“Of course not,” you laughed. “He’s got his head up his ass. But it will let him know that we’re serious, and when people make it repeatedly obvious that something really bothers them, he stops. But it takes a long time. I don’t know how long you’ll have to do it.”

“He’s such a jerk. I can’t believe you dated him.”

“I didn’t just date him. I told the boy I loved him. Even worse, I slept with him!”

“Spare me the details,” laughed Wonwoo. “What do you want to do now?”

“I think that we’ll just have to top for now. But if I were you, I’d send him one embarrassing secret or picture a day. Don’t say anything, just send it so he knows that it’s you. And then we can meet up sometime soon and actually talk and mess with him.”

“Okay,” he said. “That’ll work. I’ll text you whatever I send.”

“Please don’t,” you said. “I never want to see his nudes ever again. Or his face. Or a drunken video of him professing his love to me.”

“Okay then. I’ll text you when I send him something.”

“Much better.”

“Well, I should get going now,” Wonwoo said quietly. “I’ll see you around.”

“Thanks for this,” you said, “and the takeout.”

“My pleasure.”

As Wonwoo left the apartment, you began to wonder what this all meant. He couldn’t like you, could he? He didn’t believe in loving right away, but did that spread to liking? You waited until Krystal got home to discuss it. She was far better versed in this area and would be able to give you good advice. Krystal texted you around six saying that she was finally leaving Kai’s since Taemin would be back from vacation and that she was heading home. You were waiting for her in the living room, and the moment she walked through the door, you began blurting out everything that happened.

“Oh my god, does Jeon Wonwoo have a crush on the ______ ______?” asked Krystal.

“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you!” you replied.

“I think he does!” Krystal said. “Actually, I know he does. Keep up the good work, tiger.” She winked at you and walked away.

“Wait!” you called out. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Wonwoo’s… he’s quiet, shy. You’re going to have to take this slow.”

“Okay,” you said. “I think I am more than capable of doing that.”

The weeks went by of blink-and-you-miss-it flirting over text messages with Wonwoo. The texts were pretty mundane, but you had found yourself loving every time your phone pinged with a notification from Wonwoo. You met up once a week to message Jason together, and each time something would happen. The brush of fingertips, an arm around a shoulder, a shared laugh, thighs touching while you sat. Nothing about what the two of you had was platonic.

After a few days, Wonwoo asked you two to meet up again. This time, it was at his apartment rather than yours. Krystal and Kai were throwing a small party, and Wonwoo didn’t want to be there, so you obliged to meeting with him at his home.

Wonwoo’s apartment was vintage, beige, and filled with things you never would’ve imagined it to be. There were books everywhere, a record player, and a leather sofa that looked straight out of a fifties movie.

“So you know we’re pretty close to cracking him,” Wonwoo said. “I mean, did you see those last messages? He sounded like he was going to have an emotional breakdown.”

“Yeah,” you muttered.

“Did I do something wrong?” asked Wonwoo, noticing the hesitation in your voice and attitude.

“No, no,” you said. “I just wonder if I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Am I any better than him by blackmailing him?”

Wonwoo was at a loss for words. He looked at you, and then back at the ground. “I honestly don’t know” was his response. He took your hands in his and gave them a gentle squeeze. “Maybe what we did was wrong, but he also did something wrong.”

“Two wrongs don’t make a right, Wonwoo,” you replied. “I feel like a terrible person. I know I hate Jason, but I also know I’m better than this.”

“Well, we can stop,” he said. “We’ll stop right now.”

Wonwoo pulled out his laptop and opened the program he had been using to communicate with Jason.

I’VE DECIDED TO LET YOU BE. WHAT I AM DOING TO YOU IS JUST AS BAD AS WHAT YOU DID TO ______.

nah its worse fuck u tho

GOODBYE

ya know idk u but u got balls. ______ is lucky to have u ik im psycho when it comes to her but i want her to have the best. I mean the best is me but u seem pretty good too

GOODBYE

You looked up shyly at Wonwoo. “So he thinks you’re my boyfriend, huh?”

“I mean, I’ve been at it for weeks. Almost two months, even,” he said.

“Wonwoo,” you said, getting up. “I think I should go.”

“Why?”

“Well, we did what we meant to do. Blackmail Jason, and now it’s over, so I should go.”

Wonwoo stood up with you. “Okay.” He walked you to the door and watched you put on your shoes before he did the unthinkable. He grabbed you by the arm, pulled you up to him, and placed his mouth on yours. It’s sweet, but it’s short lived because Wonwoo immediately pulled away to look at you.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. Instead, you just laugh, and you pull him down to you. Suddenly, your arms are around his neck and his hands are in your hair and you are feeling everything and nothing at the same time. And then you’re laughing, and he’s laughing, and you pull away to catch your breath.

“Wow,” he said. “That’s…”

“That’s what?”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” you muttered, pulling him in for a hug. He buried his face in your hair and then lifted your chin up for one more kiss.

“Are you sure you want to go?” he asked.

“I’m sure I want to stay.”

[froggy-s-thought-s]

#1 - 4/5/2021

Sup so I wanted to make a side blog so that i can talk about my day and what not because i dont want to talk about it on my main blog but i love to talk with people so I’ll be posting little updates like this one here and some other stuff like note taking or talking about whatever I want to talk about.

Today’s been okay; i woke up at 7:30am which was an hour before when my alarm is meant to go off and it’s like that because i have school tomorrow and i wake up at 5:30 so i have time to mentally prepare and such. It turns out my alarm was actually set for PM so i fixed it for tomorrow and I went back to sleep because i was still tired and I had a headache (which i could have fixed with a cup of water but i, again, was exhausted).

i got woken up around 9:40 i think? (i dont really remember) by my dad because i had an orthodontist appointment at.. a... time??? I (it was at like 10:30 i think) and then i got ready, went to the ortho’s offic got my wires off because i have braces and i needed to get a cleaning, i went home for a little while to which i put my bands in for like half and hour to an hour long because my teef hurt.

at around 11:30 i left for the dentist because i needed to get my teeth cleaned.. yknow.. the whole point of this excursion- and my teeth got picked at for what felt like an hour but was probably closer to only half an hour; and then the dentist who was working on me told me i need to brush my teeth more which made me kinda mad because i DO brush my teeth enough- i do it after everytime i eat but like oh well i didnt brush before i went because i didnt eat (still havent because im meant to wait an hour before eating or drinking and i got back at 1:11 and its probably safe to eat but ehhh.. and she also told me to floss which is acceptable because i never floss unless i feel like i have to which should be everyday but its usually just like every month or so which is bad ik but like.. eh

so anyway- im home now and i want to waste away my last day of spring break maybe i’ll watch the Han Solo movie and start the Rebels series because my brother got me into Star Wars and i really like it or maybe i’ll rewatch some of the Clone wars series? or maybe i’ll go the classic route and rewatch something MCU? because i was in the MCU fandom before the Star Wars one and i Hype fixated on Star Wars for a while but now im just kinda in two fandoms which has never happened to me before and im not sure if i like it.

i really like The Falcon and Winter Soldier series so far; i enjoy the framing, the characters and i love how its not all just nods to past works and filled to the brim with easter eggs (haha easter eggs) like how the movies are and dont get me wrong i love that kind of fast pase action but sometimes you just gotta stroll down a dirt road surrounded by flowers as your new rival rolls past you in a jeep(?).

Im probably going to post art or something here if i ever feel like i want to post art here; maybe this’ll be a little vent/updates thing and a little bit a fandom because i tie fandom into my everyday life because yeah!

I have another ortho appointment at 4:05 to get my wires back in and im prolly gonna be doing something else today so i’ll probably edit this later if i remember!! until then imma bounce

--

Edit 1 : i’ve just got back and i started crying, i had lunch at 2:20 pm and all i had was some bread, cheese-itz and diet dr pepper which isnt too bad considering how ive accidently missed lunch several times before but i also got back from the Ortho and now i straight up dont want to talk which isnt much of a vibe but here we are.

i wanna sit on a voice chat with one of my friends and sit in silence but the person i wanna do that with isnt here rn and she hasnt for the whole week cause its spring break and its making me stressy and i dont like it, i think im going to watch something i’ve watched before to comfort myself; maybe the Prequal movies again? thats only about 6-7 hours right?? as long as i dont get distracted it will only be about 12 ish once i finish when i account for being distracted and dinner...

that actually sounds really nice, imma go rewatch the entire prequal serise!! i feel a bit better already and i havent even started :)

--

Edit 2 : I watched episode one and gave up on finishing episode two so i started watching the 2003 Clone Wars show which is pretty good so far! my friend got back and Im much calmer now.

[verngyu-moved]

its the last month of 2017, and i wanted to make a special post to a few people i’ve met this year, and just express my gratitude. this was originally part of my follow forever, but i felt like it deserved its own post since i tend to ramble ◑.◑ my apologies to everyone mentioned in this since it’s kinda long + a lot of ppl are mentioned hdjfkgkdfl

amanda @beautifulshuas - amanda!! im really glad the time we had that suddenly super deep convo that u didnt feel like i was intruding on anything hahah. it was nice sharing that experience with u (but also sucky bc it’s not a good experience) and i look forward to more 1 am conversations about shitty relationship situations lmaooo

jennie @boosonseok - no offense but ur shitposts are the best thing in the entire fandom lbr, and i enjoy seeing a lot of divaboo on my dash, since he is like my little brother. i appreciate ur shadiness (u kno the time) and shoutout to the california bay area heheheh ＼(≧∇≦)/＼(≧∇≦)/

bonnie @cafewoozi - i think ive said this like 6 times but bonnie u!! are!! an angel!! i really appreciate all the help and advice you gave me this yr. u only say nice things abt ppls’ work and i still cant fathom that u actually....like....take time out of ur day to put smth nice on each post u reblog,,,, i can barely tag ppls names ??? a n g e l

kelsey @chanyoel - i lov eu thank u for putting up with w me yelling abt mingyu. u were the first person i converted to kpop.......bless. ur also one of the 5 ppl i actually text everyday (≧◡≦) u stick up for me, listen to me, and cry w me (its always bc of svt tho), thanks for being an amazing friend !!! also sorry for slacking off on @/ing u in jun posts..........i have the urge to @/you whenever i see him just kno that

sophia @gemhui - sorry i havent messaged u on tumblr much lately but ur still one of my best friends on this hellhole. weird to think we met thru another blog entirely when ur icon was scoups of ice cream and i messaged u abt it lololol thanks for being encouraging and so sweet all the time the world doesnt deserve u╰(◡‿◡✿╰) ps ur gay ashgdfjkldf

dana @jishua - dana m’luv thanks for letting me rant to u, ur rly one of the easiest ppl to talk to im so mad i waited so long to get to kno u, ur sense of humor is a+, u always have something positive to say, n ur also a #fellowcapricorn whaddup. remember the time i stayed up til 5 to watch the clap mv w u??? goOD TIMES.

jiyoon @jeonheart - jiyoon thank u for helping me learn how to gif stage performances, it prob seems like such a minor thing but it means a lot to me since i’d been trying to for abt a yr. u approached me and u didnt have to do that, and its very rare to see random acts of kindness on tumblr so i just wanted to thank u again ^^ i hope life is bein kind to u and ur in good health!!

stella @jeonqhcn - stella idk if youll see this but i hope school is going alright for u :( ur super smart (srsly) and really kind, ps jeonghan misses u (mingyu tells me jeonghan asks if you’ve said anything 2 me abt him) hope we get to talk more soon!!

adelin @pabospoiler - adelin its always a pleasure talking to u, esp when its about #tumblrstuff, since its nice to relate to someone else about being a content creator and the pros and cons of it. pls keep making ur stuff bc it is really good :( and u may not already kno this, but tbh, u are The™ Soonseok Gifmaker..............its u, bro.

renata @powerfulhoshi - u are one of the most encouraging ppl on here, ur full of nothing but positive light and energy.......u always make me feel less heavy when i talk to u, its refreshing. ur also one of the most under-appreciated content creators in this fandom,,,, wtf....im salty.....but im sure in 2018 u will be greeted w nothing but success and admiration !! bejos to u  (♥◡‿◡♥)

emmy @shuvee - emmy u are uber talented and uber intelligent!! i was not expecting to be ur friend considering u are Ultra Coole™ but its interesting talking about really serious stuff and bitching abt college :////, i didnt rly expect to ever talk to u......so im still in shock tbh. and to think this whole friendship was started bc i didnt know a ship name (wasnt it junshua)???? iconic

steffi @soonsyoung - stef idk i hope youll see this, but ik this yr has not been the greatest, but i love u i love u i love u. sorry for swerving down soonyoungs lane that 1 time. when things got shitty for me after everything that happened u were there for me, so just kno i will always be there 4 u, i miss u on here, but school is def more important and this site lowkey sucks lmao

rina @wonnwoo - !!!!! quite literally the wonwoo to my mingyu, the person who sees my ugliness and still ???? decides??? to stick w me ???? an angel. u give me the best gifts (u think im talking about the teen,age album but im rly talking about the **** and ****** recs). i will continue to better myself for the sake of u, so i can be strong for u, and help u when u need it. im #tsundere as u kno, so i apologize again if i seem cold i just jkdfglsdf have too many fluffy feelings to handle them correctly. i am also drafting a special w*nw** sm*t 4 u if u must kno

[virtuissimo]

Ghost Quartet asks

Didn't feel like waitin on yall to send these in so i just did it in one go lmao

1. Favorite character

        Define "character" lmao, but roxy probably

2. Favorite timeline

        JJDJFFF uuuuh probably usher but i like....all of them

3. Favorite song

        The Astronomer most likely...or I Dont Know

4. Favorite performer?

         Dave

5. Live album or recordrd album?

        LIVE

6. How much of the plot do you think you understand?

        At this point i think i understand like essentially all of the plot but theres still some good chunks of symbolism iv gotta work out

7. Least favorite song/song u skip most often

        Ooooh uuuh i dont usually skip them but , fathers & sons! And bad men i think. I usually dont have enough time to finish the album so i havent heard midnight or the wind & rain in a while lmao

8. Favorite non-sung/spoken line?

        I REALLY dont know if this counts but, the opening bits of usher pt. 1

       "I suffer from a family evil, i am a slave to terror, i have a morbid acuteness of the senses, i only eat the most insipid foods, only wear clothes of certain textures. The odors of flowers are oppressive to me. My eyes are tortured by faint light, and there are only certain peculiar sounds which do not inspire me with horror. I dread the future. My little girl is dying."

      Ik its e.a.p's text, but the delivery and style is so mesmerizing to me.

9. Favorite lyric

        At the moment it's "let me read you a story, let me read you a romance/i will read you will listen, and this terrible night will pass"

10. Do you have any ships for the show? If so what are they?

        I don't really, just because i like ALL of their dynamics at some point in the story (pearl x astronomer, rose x driver a la Midnight, "youre a good cello player brent," rose red and the bear (lISTEN), soldier x rose) so i kind of see it as a state that transcends the permanent? So i cant really ship anyone myself lmao but theres a lot od cool pairings

11. What's your favorite non-confirmed theory?

       Uuuh all of mine lmao

12. Have you produced any artwork/content for Ghost Quartet?

       Ddjjdkd im working on something intensive right now, and i have written a 6-page explication essay for The Astronomer, but not much actual art surprisingly

13. Which role would you most like to play?

        Gosh either Gelsey or Dave. For characters, the soldier or the astronomer lmao those r the ones i had in mind

14. Which Usher song is your favorite?

        Oh I love them all, at the moment it's pt 3 but i flip between that and pt 1 all the time

15. The Starchild, Roxie, Rose, or Rose Red?

         Fuck. Starchild or Roxie....or rose....no imma go with roxie, love the vengeful zombie

16. Subway or the Photograph?

         SUBWAY

17. Four Friends or Any Kind of Dead Person?

         UuuuUuuuuuUUUUH four friends atm

18.  The Gelsey/Brittain dance in Monk or the Dave/Brittain dance in Midnight?

          MONK OBV

19. The Astronomer or The Telescope

         The Astronomer lmao

20. Fathers & Sons, or Lights Out?

          Lights Out!!!!! I play with that melody on the piano bc of all the delectably awful half steps

21. Tango Dancer or Hero?

          Hero!

22. How did you first get into Ghost Quartet

         Aaa someone wrote a rec post on here, dont wanna @ anyone cuz im not mentally prepared lmao

23. When did you first start listening?

        Dear lord probably like 2 months ago? Wait i was still in houston, so it was like mid august probably

24. What's your favorite moment (musical or vocal) in the show?

         The vocalization at the beginning of Soldier & Rose

25. Are you going to/have u seen Ghost Quartet?

         Goin in January with my main slice @sonyalone if the celestial mandate maintains

26. What's your favorite bizarre connection in the show? (E.g., edgar telling the story of pearl and the pusher in usher pt 3, Shah Zaman becoming the Man In Iran in the Astronomer, etc)

         I love the idea of ancient Persian Scheharazade talking about edgar allan poe, so that lmao

27. What moment would you love to see live/what moment did you love the most live?

         Lights Out or side 3 seems to have really cool set design, so that! But also the usher parts

28. If you could ask Dave Malloy one question about the show, what would you ask?

        Fucky um probably id ask about the timeline where rose is the mother and pearl is the daughter, HOW DOES THE LOOP COMPLETE

29. Have you read either the fall of the house of usher or arabian nights?

    Iv read the fall of the house of usher like 6 times cuz of high school though i admittedly had to get the plot summary for this cuz i forgot most stuff about it lmao

30. Have you read the show's Genius annotations? If so, what's your favorite annotation by Dave?

       In Usher pt 3 he says he plays some weird notes on the live album cuz he cant see the instrument and i think thats hilarious and also is a mood

31. What part of the show disturbs you the most?

        ??? Not really any of it??? I thought it was pretty gorey in camera shop when rose is like "ya , crows, corpses, &cannibalism pls"

32. What part of the show confuses you the most?

    Like I said, probably just a lot of symbols that I'm angry I still havent gotten lmao, particularly the Armor/Sword symbolism (a lot more nuanced than one might think 😂)

[mincute]

thirty questions tag 💌

i was tagged by @hix-txpe thank u! c:

rules: answer 30 questions then tag 20 blogs you would like to know better.

1. nickname: i dont have one,,,,

2. gender: demigirl

3. star sign: leo 

4. height: i think im 165cm or smth around

5. time: 00:15

6. birthday: august 6th

7. favourite band(s):  bts, blackpink, pristin, aoa, f(x), brave girls, clc, exid, exo, beg, monsta x, up10tion, wjsn, nct127, red velvet, sistar

8. favourite solo artist: troye sivan, hayley kiyoko, taeyeon, hyuna, suran, sia, sam smith, pink, gain, ed sheeran, amber, luna, adam lambert

9. song stuck in my head: sistar - one more night

10. last movie watched: pirattes of the caribbean 2

11. last show watched: skam

12. when did i create my blog: at the beginning of 2016

13. what do i post: kpop, gay/social stuff, memes, cute animals

14. last thing i googled: how to write caribbean..........

15. do you have other blogs: if my very old one counts then yes but i dont use it  anymore

16. do you get asks:  rarely :(

17. why did you choose your url: bc i wanted something pretty n simple

18. following: 221

19. followers: 897 

20. favourite colours: blue, black, gray, lilac

21. average hours of sleep: i try to at least 7 but now as school started it will probably go to 5-6 or less,,,

22. lucky number: 7

23. instruments: i cant play but i’ve got a guitar so like i can pretend n get girls

24. what am i wearing: baggy tee n pj pants

25. how many blankets i sleep with: one thick quilt

26. dream job: hmmmm writer??? but idk, i just want to be happy and have enough money to pay rent n stuff n live. i want some quiet n comfortable job. like bookstore or smth. i dont need much tbh

27. dream trip: i wanna visit england. also id like to go on a self reflective trip,,, just me n the road. n somewhere gay too. i heard berlin is gay. also! id like to go to amsterdam 

28. favourite food: pizza, spaghetti, potatoes, chicken breasts, chicken noodle soup, pierogis, borscht

29. nationality: polish

30. favourite song now: idk man honestly i’ve got too many ok

now 20 blogs kjfhjk i hope its ok that i tag u n if its not pls let me know!

so i tag: @whaelian @lesbianblossomjimin @lesbianbts @mangotrees @yoongifocus @pastelprincejin @augustdee @intronevernind @peachixtape @twelves @lesbianyoongz @taegay @j5ope @gayhani @duraznito @biminnie @agustdior @drabbel @sunpeachmochi @01jeonguk 

[birdieboob]

Vaguely nsfw asks.

I decided to do them myself cause Im bored lol

1. Are looks important in a relationship? Honestly no. I care about your heart.. your personality. who you are. how you treat me.

2. Are relationships ever worth it? Yeah id like to think so.

3. Are you a virgin? No considering I have a child lol

4. Are you in a relationship? No Im single right now.

5. Are you in love? Not with anyone at the moment.

6. Are you single this year? Yes

7. Can you commit to one person? Yes I can!

8. Describe your crush. No one.

9. Describe your perfect mate. Treats me like a queen. Looks at Autumn like his own child. gets along with my family. good sex. has a beard.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes!

11. Do you ever want to get married? I used to but honestly I dont think anyone is gonna marry my ass anyways.

12. Do you forgive betrayal? Nope. I will never forgive cheating.

13. Do you get jealous easily? Sadly yes. In insecure.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? No

15. Do you have any piercings? Medusa, tongue, nostril, septum and both ears stretched to 00g.

16. Do you have any tattoos? Tina from bobs burgers, jeepers creepers, skull, paty, leaf , nautical stars on wrist, autumns birthdate, barcode. dragon on neck.

17. Do you like kissing in public? depends. full on making out no but cute little pecks yes.

20. Do you shower every day? pretty much.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I honestly doubt it.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? doubt it lol

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? yeah. I dont cheat. Ive been cheated on and its horrible.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? Nope

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? Id like to be but I doubt it.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yeah but that was a lie.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? Nope.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? Yup.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? Never.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? Ive had plastic surgery at age 11. I had my ears pulled back.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? yup.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Im not sure.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? Yes.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? Nope. I wish.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes but not by much.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? Yes.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? That would be Cody lol

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? I dont think so.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? Yes.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? I used to write a lot of poems for people.

41. Have you had sex so far this year? Yes.. it was painful as fuuuck.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?like 5 seconds. lol

43. How long was your longest relationship? 3 years and then on and off for 3 more.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? Im not gonna count my elementary boyfriends soo 3 serious boyfriends.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? 1.

46. How many times did you have sex last year? 0.

47. How old are you? 23.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Okay lol

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/he.r n/a

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? FUCK YOU. GO AWAY. 

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? does my best friend count lol.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? I dont know.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? Yes. 

54. Is there someone you will never forget? A few.

55. Share a relationship story. I dont know what kind of story your looking for. but one time when me and my ex were fighting he randomly came over with a bouquet of flowers to apologize. first time any guy has done that for me.

56. State 8 facts about your body. 1. Im fat and have a huge belly. 2. I have freckles all over the left side of my belly. 3. I have cracks on my feet. 4. my belly is FULL of deep stretch marks. 5. I have a beauty mark on my butt and chin. 6. I have huge pores. 7. I used to have a gap in my front teeth but it randomly disappeared. 8. Im red.  Not very cool facts lol

57. Things you want to say to an ex. Why.. why run off when things got hard. You made me feel unlovable. why abandon us when we are your family. why cheat on me when all I did was love you.

58. What are five ways to win your heart? 1. Treat me kindly. 2. treat my daughter as your own. 3. buy me makeup or jujube. 4. get along with my family and friends 5. take selfies with me

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)  Noooooo

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 2 years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? the way they respond to my jokes.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Okay so my one ex.. lol. we were having sex and air was getting all in me so I kept queefing. So he sat there pushing my belly to get all the air out. idk why but it made me smile lol

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? I guess any sexual act.

64. What is your definition of cheating? flirting with someone else.. kissing them.. ect.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine? uuuhhhh

66. What is your favourite roleplay? never did roleplay.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Its as simple as hanging out on your couch watching netflix and cuddling.

68. What is your sexual orientation? pansexual

69. What turns you off? Smelling like a hobo.

70. What turns you on? smelling gooood. lol lame ik

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? never had one.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? moans, my name and fuck.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Take care of me during sex and after.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? idk.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? NOthing really. I havent been woo’d 

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? I cant think of anything at the moment.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? Im open to certain age differences. 20 with a 30 year old sure. 16 with a 25 year old yeah fuck no.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Uhhh 

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? No idea.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Been a long time.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Mark Ruffalo, Paul Rudd, I am blanking lol

82. Who is the last person you hugged? I cant remember.

83. Who was your first kiss with? Steven.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? Uhm well.. he just left one day and never came back.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? yup!

[thesanguinecrow]

I haven't really seen any of your personal posts but I am curious and would like to know, if it isn't any trouble

it isnt trouble im just glad someones interested bc i usually feel rly annoying this will get to the song point i promise but here goes tldr at the bottom. so it all started when my friend who i had only met a few months ago went out of his way to talk to me bc like we were relatively far appart. we were going to first period and he yells to me “get to class rose!” and i jokingly flip him off then he yells back “mines bigger” and we go on our ways. i hadent given it much thought at the time but now i see it as just the start of him trying to get closer to me. after that there wasnt much more conversation. then one day after school has ended he snapchats me out of no where and im like ?? ok and we start talking and hes sharing his antics and im just in amazement bc my life is pretty boring n he’s out here stayin in vegas alone (oh btw im gonna be a high school senior and hes gonna be a sophmore im a lil uncomf. with our grade gap but im not actually sure of his age but ik its not more than 2 years n age smooths out with time and im not interested in doing anything sexual atm even kissing would be rly pushing it) anyway be tells me a personal detail about himself ide rather not disclose but shows hes comfortable opening up to me. we sent eachother back and forth snaps of us making funny smooshed faces and stuff like that like i trust you not to screenshot and post this everywhere kinda face. soon after that wich was around the fourth of july he went off to camp and didn’t have his phone. i didn’t know he didn’t have/couldn’t use it and this whole time I’m freaking tf out and im here thinking OH MAH LORD WHAT IF HE DIED and internally sobbed. then after being sent home bc he broke his hand he gets back on sc and im like I THOUGHT YOU DIED ARE YOU OKAY!!!????!!?!?! and ever since then it’s been wishy washy bc he wouldn’t go on snapchat for hours and ik bc he has his location turned on on the map and it wasnt there. hes told me he doesnt have his phone which i regret not asking why but i assume his mom takes it or somrthing like oh its bad to be on it 24/7 somethin like that. hes also sent me pics of his torso but these increased post camp. he even sent one and captioned it “i felt hot in this one” and another 2 focusing on his mucles (hes not the most muscular but its noticeable hes got some) i think on sunday he was on and i sent a snap of me with my hair tied up in the front like a unicorn horn and my hair is like 6 and a half inches (17 cm) so its sticking up adding to the horn effect. then he sends me a snap back saying “well im single” and im like “me too” and hes just like *sigh* if only there was something i could do about it kinda sigh and im like “hey wanna hang at the beach wednesday anf hes like yeah but we never set a time before he didnt have his phone and all day wednesday me all shaved up (bc dysphoria and falling to societal beauty standards plus i wanted to wear my white short shorts with out my jungle creepin out mah butt cheecks and upper thighs lowkey mad i cant figue out how to tuck but i was gonna deal and do my best) i got my brows did my skin was doin ok and he wasnt on all day and i had a limited time frame to hang bc the beach is relatively far from where i live andi cant drive or have a car or get a ride and my mom doesnt trust me in uber or public transportation and idek bus schedules or how that works so i had to go with my mom to her job to then go to the beach bc they’re close to eachother but no meeting time set we dont hang i slowly steep into a pitty party and im like ok mood is sad woe is me then today i decide to stay home and seep into this poison of negativity and he snaps me if i wanna go to the mall and im here ready to throw myself of a cliff while on fire bc i had gone with my mom every day but today and im like well f*ck sh*t im so deeply upset and saw the potential to hang today and i feel so at fault for staying home the one day we could hang and nope. i hate having these feelings bc i have reason to believe he likes me and bc of that i ended up liking him back and it irritates me that we cant have consistent conversation and its just like when ever he happens to have his phone. i dont like when i catch feelings, form a crush, become infatuated and i say infatuated bc ik its not something as deep as love i dont know much about him but i do care for him. he blacked out bc of his diabetes and i was really concerned for him and i honestly feel like the mom friend sometimes. but i just want to get to know him and see if it leads beyond infatuation. whenever i get infatuated its often hard core and i have vivid images of us at the beach but also not. like its just me alone no boardwalk no docks no pier just me ocean sa d and sun. i dont like feeling so out of controll its overwhelming and suffocating. i like to believe im a hard cold b*tch whos in controll of my emotions but im not. i can be apathetic but romance just stikes me to my core and i hate it that my feelings always feel or are one sided like ik no one is obligated to like me back but it seems like he does like me. i dont care but do care, deeply, at the same time its a mess and i hate having these negative feelings its like poison in my soul its heavy and petrifying. my tarot readings have been discouraging but my pendulum readings have said he likes me (i havent done a pendulum in the past few days but it still seems like he does) idk i guess im clingy and i feel like i annoy ppl a lot and with the song cut to the feeling its like cut to the feeling i wanna play where you play with the angles i wanna wake up with you all in tangles no more hesitation this is on not in order but you get the picture i didnt really pay much attention to the lyrics bc i think its a great sounding song as with most of my music but then i started to sing (terribly) and learn the lyrics and i wanna be in a relationship but when i think about it and im put in the situation it could happen i panic like suddendly everything is moving so fast and sometimes i even start trembling and shaking and i dont wanna rush into things so fast but i still love the song but now all i can think about is this whole situation and the song only presses it. i asked him how he feels about me and im waiting for a response. idk im just not feelin too good and this is really bringin me down and i could get over it and be done or at least i believe i could but i dont want to.. anyway yeah the song is pressing these sore spots in my emotional mess and its makin me sad sorry this is so long but im glad someone cared to hear

TLDR: im an emotional mess bc i cant talk to my crush often and had missed and failed chances to hang out. i wanna see where things go but not rush into things and cut to the feeling is a good song but its poking at these tender feelings.