#im DEFINITELY forgetting at least a few that I've liked in the past but I just can't think of them rn :

[amethystfairy1]

Hi Amethyst! It's been a hot minute since I sent an ask in, but I have been reading both fics every day (still obsessed lmao) (also I name changed btw, used to be ElenaLoo)

Anyways, I had written a whole ask waxing eloquent on all the wonderful things going on in ttsbc, but I accidentally shut off my computer partway through and frankly I can't be bothered to write it all out again lmao. Just. It's beautiful (wow isnt that so meaningful and deep? im sure you're feeling very complimented rn)

The REAL thing I wanted to talk about was Traveling thieves (which is by far my favorite fanfic of ALL TIME), and all the amazingness in ttsbc made me forget it even existed for the past few weeks. But the other day I was just like "oh yeah. Traveling thieves." and then i reread the whole thing. whoopsies.

Ummm anywyas there's so many thoughts in my head about all the little guys, but recently I've been on an Imp and Skizz obsession (just scroll on my page for .2 seconds and you'll see) and YOU. You left them on a CLIFFHANGER. >:((( (not actually mad btw). I just. so excited for them. They're out alone in the woods right now and Skizz is going to have the perfect opportunity to kill Impulse and get away and I just am falling apart thinking about them. (I drew them to cope lol, posted on my blog but also later here so that I can talk about it more). I can see this playing out a few ways. Obviously Skizz isn't actually going to kill Impulse, so he's either going to 1) make up some excuse as to why he can't do it right then, but still plans to do it eventually, or 2) he does it. but he doesn't. Skizz attacks Impulse when he's not expecting it, there's a scuffle, and Skizz comes out on top---BUT THEN HE CAN"T FINISH IT!!! and it's a whole thing where even tho skizz tried to kill him, imp is still so understanding and skizz cries and impulse just freaking gives him a hug and

sigh

Whatever you do will be beautiful, I'm sure. I think you mentioned you're switching to tt after this fic, so crossing my fingers it's imp and skizz. (Though, would also be very happy with Martyn and Ren :P) (or anything really i just love tt)

Anyways, I had the art on my blog but I'm also putting it here so i can say things about it to you

Mostly I'm just very proud of their expressions, with Impulse being all concerned glancing over at Skizz, meanwhile Skizz is completely deadpan staring forwards, also looking very tired bc he needs a break from this universe. Also I switched up my Impulse design a lil bit from last time (if u even remember that lol it was months ago now). you would think, just looking at them, that Impulse took way longer to design, but nope, I was messing around with Skizz for at least double the time, trying to figure out how to have him facing forward whilst still showing some of the scars on his back. I gave up eventually xD (all that means is that im gonna have to draw him again later, from different angles)

actually that made me remember a question I had: are you planning to ship Imp and Skizz? Ik you said Zed and Tango are going to be a thing far in the future, but... skizzpulse? plzzzz plz pretty please haha im not obsessed

aaaaaand that reminds me of another question, is skizz going to be in ttsbc? (pretty please also same question as tt, if he was in ttsbc, are him and impulse together? Im addicted to them all i care about these days is some good imp and skizz shipfics, and you're such a fantastic writer, both with plot and the vibes of the words themselves. u could write such good imp and skizz. just imagine the possibilites! (am i selling it?))

aaaaaanyways. im gonna go reread the old tt skizz fics because theyre delicious and painful, like eating knives. u have a good day :))

HIIIIIII

I ADORE THIS ART SO MUCH! I gave you all my rambles on the reblog but it's SOOOOO COOL!

I'm sad the waxing eloquent about TTSBC is gone 😭 but that's ok!

I'm so glad you're enjoying TT and all the drama going on in there! Imp and Skizz are definitely having a time and a half with all of this nonsense going on...I love all your theories! I won't confirm or deny anything of course, but I'm so happy you're excited for them!

I will not be shipping Imp and Skizz, sorry! I just personally don't ship them, so they're gonna remain platonic...I mean, in TT who knows what the hell they're doing to be fair 😆 but yeah, Zedango is going to be a thing in the distant future, but no Skizzpulse! Sorry!

Skizz is not in TTSBC at the moment, that doesn't mean he never will be! Just haven't found a spot for him yet...and no, he also would not be with Impulse, I'm so sorry I just don't ship them personally! I think it's a very cute ship tho!

Enjoy rereading the TT Skizz fics!!! Thank you again for the gorgeous art!!!! I love it!!! 💖

[the-6th-harbringer]

PLEASE READ

Hey. So. It's been a. while.

trigger warning: referenced suicide

So, if you haven't noticed, I literally evaporated for two weeks straight without any clarification on why or sign of actually being alive, unlike my last two week disappearance. Unfortunately, this unexpected evaporation does not come with a big "ooh more trauma more lore and angst for scara" thing.

This just happens to be my goodbye post.

I know, it's weird and kind of rude for me to dip for two weeks and then reappear like "hey fuckers im QUITTING hAHaA". Buuuut not only was my dad being annoying and hogging my laptop, I also barely have had time to myself for the past weeks. New family members have been introduced into my life, so now I have double the amount of little siblings to look after. (from 3 to 6. dont ask "how" thats a personal thing). juggling that with school, social stuff, fucking exams which are coming up in 3 months of my gOD, and other even more personal demons that I've been battling, its been. a lot.

SO, to make sure I do not pull the same move as Scaramouche did on the last day of his sakurarealm torture(iykyk), I'm taking a leave from tumblr. Don't know how long I'll be gone, don't know if I'll ever be back, but I didn't just wanna quit without at least telling you guys so you don't think I've been murdered or something.

On a more serious note, thank you all for all of the support and love you've given Scara and all my other blogs. While some of you are a handful, the majority of you are actually the sweetest and silliest community of people I've ever known. I hope you all have excellent lives.

Now, as for what happens to Scara, we're shoving him in another coma. which is entirely at the mercy of Wanderer's mod, because they're my friend outside of tumblr too and i trust that they'll use this as a major angst moment. Put an F for Cyrille and Scara guys

NOW: a few honorable mentions and thank yous:

@wandering-hat-guy : im not writing a goodbye type thing for you because i will literally talk to you tomorrow, but thank you for being an awesome brother-sibling figure. you are the wanderer to my scara :]

@an-active-rabbit : Thank you for being an extremely fun person to rp with. The puppets and the heart is a rp that wont leave my mind for a while yet. Many hugs for you! And I wont be forgetting Mikaven anytime soon >:3

@cyrille-leclair-de-fontaine : AUGH budddyyy im sorry to do this to you. But thank you for creating Cyrille in the first place. Cyscara my beloveds, they will always hold a place in my heart. Maybe one day they'll actually get somewhere. Im also willing to be your friend outside of tumblr if you wish because you're cool >:D

@dishonxsty : For also being a goofy little goober. My favorite rp with you was definitely the ouppy's and scara, and also kudos to you for making like 17 bajillion blogs and being able to manage them all at once somehow like???? go king go

Annnd @monsieur-neuvillette , who seems random because I havent rped with them in literally a century, but thank you for being the one to indirectly help me get over my fears of starting a rp blog AND being the inspo for me to start rping on tumblr in the first place. hugs for you too

Well, alls said that's been said, so I think I'll just end it off here, because it's been like 10 minutes since I started typing this and I am eepy.

Goodbye everyone except wandermod, and thank you for sticking with me through Scara's really out of pocket journey.

(PS: Rest in peace @the-tainted-blossom . I miss you everyday.)

[charcuteriecrab]

20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thank you so so much @silvercap for the tag!! I love these games :DD

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 22 works on ao3!

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

237,770 words and counting :))

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I have written for a few things over the past few years, but right now I am writing pretty exclusively for Resident Evil, though I do have a Call of Duty fic in progress that might see the light someday.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(Im going to go with only Resident Evil ones because i said so)

1) what are you willing to sacrifice for peace? - my Vendetta fic! also the start of my connected chreon series

2) Please Don't Leave Me - a Leon sickfic I haven't gotten around to finishing yet lmaoooo (also part of the chreon series)

3) in my dreams, we're far away from here - part two of the chreon series, a 3+1 with carrying as the theme :))

4) When I need you, you're always there - another part of the chreon series, Leon has a nightmare

5) all it takes is a snap - my singular whumptober fic with hurt Leon haha (chreon ofc)

None of my newer fics are getting traction but thats okay! gonna enlighten as many people to the hurt Chris agenda

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! i sometimes am busy and forget to, but if i see one i usually comment back!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To be fair, I haven't killed anyone off yet. All my fics end happy because my poor heart can't take a bad ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oooo, good question...either what are you willing to sacrifice for peace? or in my dreams, we're far away from here because of happy chreon :))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet, but I don't get too much engagement anyway. I don't think I have had the opportunity to get any. Haven't gotten any hate here either.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

I do!! I used to not, but now that I kind of know how it's done, I've been experimenting and practicing. Most of my fics nowadays have sex scenes in them (or multiple) but i have written a pure smut fic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I haven't! I'm not the biggest fan of crossovers and often avoid reading them because I'm not interested. Doesn't mean they're bad though. Just not my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! Not that I'm aware of at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not (though if you wanna, please ask! I'm very open to it)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I have! I am actually in a roleplay server and have a writing partner. We have been turning many an rp in a fic for you guys! Like I can't escape this now, unless you show me how (mine and @leon-thot-kennedy 's re 5 chreon au)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

CHREON!!! I have liked a lot of ships from other fandoms, but chreon is without a doubt my favorite Resident Evil ship as well as all around ship. Other ships are just fine but chreon is my OTP, the source of all happiness in my life.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh definitely Please Don't Leave Me. I have an outline and a plan and everything, just haven't had the juice to write hurt Leon nowadays. I hope to come back to it though!!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't actually know haha. No one has told me anything, but I like to think I do suspense fairly well? Not as good as other people but I'm still learning! This year marks my fourth year of writing though so that's exciting :))

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely balancing dialogue, action, and internal thoughts. I always have too much of one of those. Also I tend to reuse phrases or sentence structure and I need to learn to spice it up a little lmaoo

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think writing dialogue in another language is perfectly fine. Especially if the character speaks another language. You just have to be aware that not everyone will understand what is being said. But if it's essential to the plot, saying that they said it in another language works too.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek (2009) or the reboot movies lmao. It's funny, I started out not shipping anyone, but then started to ship Jim and Bones. But then I watched the original series and shipped Spirk in the old series. So I actually think that this was my first foray into shipping men together. Haven't been the same since hehehehe.

I was into Star Trek for about a year and a half! longest to date and I would say it was my first true hyperfixation. Resident Evil is creeping up on length though haha.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Favorite fic is hard but I actually REALLY like I can't escape this now, unless you show me how . It's my baby, my magnum opus. The best thing I have had a hand in creating (even if only half of it is mine). For fics that are purely mine, The Stars Were Out was the most fun to write with the forest and stuff. Was kind of experimental but it was fun to try and describe things a little better and draw out the scenes.

Tagging- @wisecrackingeric-2 , @spectralharvest , aaaaand i was going to tag more but I have suddenly forgotten every writer friend I know that hasn't already been tagged. If you see this, and wanna do it, go for it! <33333

[llilyrose]

perhaaaps 22 and 27?

❝ 22. Do you ever worry about public reactions.to what you’re writing? how do you get past that? ❞

Yes and no? It's an up-and-down thing throughout the process, kinda like riding a boat. At the start I'm so excited and can't wait to show everyone, then in the middle im all like "heheghhblegghhh nobody cares..." then when i reach the end I'm like *OH MY GOD!!! IM DONE!! im so excited to get this out into the world!!!! share my creativity!!!' then immediately after it's on the internet it's like post-nut clarity. "oh this is so CRINGE why did i ever make this"

I've written plenty before this but all of it gets deleted a little after because of aforementioned issue. The way I've counteractedcit is by re-reading it and experiencing the story after I've posted it like it's from an outside perspective. it helps me be critical of the bad parts and also to see the good parts that i probably forgot about. preventative measures so that the slowlysoluminary blog doesn't get scrapped lol

❝ 27. Your favorite part of the writing process? ❞

Planning is fun the few times i end up doing it. it helps get me excited for every single scene I have to write!!! But if I had to pick the one I actually love AND do the MOST, definitely writing the beginning and the end. nothing in the middle.

im good at doing hooks for the beginning and finding good cliffhangers to end things off at! they're so fun! They're also the sections I have to revise the least. which is great! because I usually forget to revise my works ... haha

if i wasn't limited to answering with a part of the process, I'd say my favorite thing to write in general is something incoherent. writing gloop was a joy. my thoughts naturally bounce around from one topic to another per sentence, and my brain is constantly in a fog, so getting to place this onto a character i was writing was great. we are twinning (this is bad)))

(notes: idea from basil!!! anyone who's seeing this go ask him questions too!!! original post (the one with the questions))

[stormbcrn]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR!

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : liza!

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒 : she/her

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : i'm good with both ims and discord, i'm just typically a little slower with ims since i am not always able to respond immediately. then ims are also easy to forget if i can't respond right away, so sometimes things get lost. but overall, i'm pretty good with both modes of communication.

𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄(𝐒) : my only muse rn is daenerys. i had big issues with actually writing when i tried to have more than one muse while in school, so i know my limits! plus, what i really love is developing new aus with my writing partners to keep things fresh and fun. i love a good canon-based au, starting at a "what if" scenario and developing it in full. i've dabbled in non-game of thrones aus too (and will continue to!), but find they dwindle for me a lot faster.

𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 / 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒? : oh geez, i probably started on like omegle lol, but i've been on tumblr rp since about 2014 i'd guess?

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒? : shorter threads have been easier for me to write recently – but when i'm inspired, i'm inspired, and i can write a multi-paragraph thing no issue. so both!! but i may lean towards shorter threads rn just because i feel like those are more manageable for me at this point.

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒? : okay so both definitely have their time to shine! sometimes i get in my own head about answering memes but i'm trying to put less pressure on myself when it comes to things like length of a meme response etc. i do love a meme, and am always happy to send memes to my mutuals bc i love u all so much, but plots have my heart. i love love love plotting with my partners and gushing back and forth about ideas and relationships (shippy ones and platonic/familial ones! literally gimme it all). and a lot of times if we've plotted something in the past, it helps me answer memes too. not that my memes always go directly with the plots we've discussed, but plotting gives me an idea about what we both want from a dynamic and how our characters vibe and i think it gives me a lot more to play off of, if that makes sense! basically it's not that i like to write plotted things more than i like to answer memes, it's just i like to plot in general and for me it helps with both.

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄? : evenings, most likely! i'm about to move though so idk what my new balance will be. you will have to be patient with me as i figure it out

𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 : i love the outlet for creativity that rping provides me, and the people i get to write with are so profoundly creative! y'all truly are the highlight!

𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒 : i'm sure i could name a few, but putting down female characters or ocs is one that comes to mind first right now, esp. when they are put down to somehow try to better your favorite male.

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓, 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓? : yes, love it all! i only write smut with partners i'm comfortable with and where we have an established dynamic. i'm more than happy to send / answer memes where it is implied for anyone though!

𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒? : i think i gravitate towards muses that i can see parts of myself in (that, or I just like writing female protagonists – basically all my past muses have been female protagonists). idk if i would say i'm like daenerys, but we may share some traits. clearly, daenerys is way more badass than i am, but i think i have some of her resolve and i admire the strength of her convictions and her desire to do good by people. this is going to sound weird, but i think daenerys and i are both observant, we watch and listen before acting (at least she does when she's strategizing – she can be rash in other situations, but can't we all?). we both have a lot of grit in getting through tough situations. I probably cry more than she does though while doing it lol i cry easily when i'm frustrated.

tagged by @dracharenae 🖤🖤 tagging: @timewound, @lovegentle, @realmsdelite, and you! please tag me if you steal, i'd love to read your answers.

[kyoosoup]

reading through my old messages and vents is always a rollercoaster

some of my takeaways so far:

1. i can be proud on some counts cause in many cases i've grown or gotten better. some of my messages/vents were from very specific situations that i had either forgotten about or gotten closure to and it's weird to see?? these things that affected me daily are now just memories.

for instance the first time i got creeped on (not counting cat calls) was at work and we called the cops and stuff cause i was maybe 15?? and that really affected me and i mean i still think about it but i was a lot more paranoid back then and it was fresh yk. And im still wary now but it's not as present in my mind as it was.

another thing is how i would often be upset at myself for being lazy and having a hard time focusing and not being able to do schoolwork and burning out. and i would wonder what was wrong with me (poor little me). and now i know ! adhd! lol. my mom was confused about why i was happy to get my diagnosis when i did but for years i had been thinking that i just wasnt doing enough or trying hard enough when i didnt realize it was literally how my brain was wired. ( this was actually a very common theme in my vents thank you diagnosis)

2. sometimes i see replies from old friends and im like man. we used to be these daily presences in each others lives and really close and now we dont even speak or had falling outs. spooky???

3. i see how I myself used to type/speak too and it's weird . i am practically a different person now. the amount i feel like ive changed in the past few years alone is like . exponential compared to before. meeting new people, losing people, losing family, discovering new interests, discovering and accepting more about myself???? actually socializing lol.

4. also just some of my issues were CRAZY ??/ how did i forget that i was working 10 hour shifts back during covid. 6-4 . and then i had to go home and do school ( i couldnt focus at work). omg that was just awful how did i do that

5. whenever i look back at old stuff i am even more grateful for the friends i have now. i had friends at the time but a lot of them weren't very close as the friends i have now or the relationships weren't as healthy as they shouldve been. i often felt incredibly lonely and i can say for sure i have not felt like that in a while (at least not for long periods of time, ive probably had bad days like everyone). maybe some parts of my life now sorta suck but i haven't hated it as much because i have good people supporting me and a lot of close friends who make life well worth living. i could write about how much i love my friends for hours probably

6. omg i remember when some of my big problems were my crushes on boys . THEY WERE ONLINE CRUSHES TOO. you dont understand im actually so embarrassed for myself for like 80-90% of my past real crushes (i am not counting what i thought were crushes but i realize was just admiration or squishes/friend crushes) some people go for looks. some go for personality. somehow, 14-16 year old me chose neither. theres only one of those past crushes that i still keep in touch with and i will say he is chill and we are friends and i am not as embarrassed over that one since he wasnt a sucky person. but like i definitely liked this one guy who was not good for my mental health hahahahha woops. there were more recent embarrassing experiences for me but theyre too fresh i cant laugh at them yet without cringing

7. you know this isnt as related to the old stuff but im writing all this while once again basically forgetting i was kind of a mess earlier this year too. thank you bad memory but let me rewrite my mental history. i am only thinking about the good things this year .

Anyways i dont know why i even wrote this theres no target audience that this applies to i think i just got really bored

[gigismodernlife]

2023: Finally the End of the Covid Era; Surpassing the Aftermath

For me (and I’m sure many can relate) this year sure feels like reaching the end of a series of very overwhelming chapters in a book that put life into perspective but ultimately redeemed itself by giving the reader a glimpse of hope. I like the way Chad simplified it: “2020:covid 2021:covid 2022:covid ending 2023:covid aftermath, this year was weird, besides the Economy still sucking, 2024 should be a good year” The impact of the last four years was seriously hard on me, as it was for many others. After a lot of reflection, I can say that the best thing to come out of it for me was helping me open my eyes and see things clearly through my glass lenses lol. Some call it a Spiritual Awakening, an Epiphany, "finding yourself" or "Accepting God into your life" I've discovered that in its essence it is all very similar. To each their own, as long as whatever they believe in leads them to do good in the world. For me, I am mostly subscribing to Modern Christianity, the one that accepts all people, but I am also hungry for knowledge and still absorb other things too. Jay Shetty and Joe Dispenza have some great YouTube interviewers that people of my generation like. Anyway, the lyrics from Amazing Grace "I once, was lost, but now, i'm found, was blind, but now I see" have never rang more true. And, I cant forget to mention that I also met the true love of my life and got engaged. Look who's not dying alone after all lol! 

So, I had forgotten, but I wrote a Blog, I think it was at the end of 2020 called "Developing Depression During A Global Pandemic & Black Lives Matter Movement" I doubt anyone has ever read it but its there if anyone wants to read it. For those who arent familiar, depression can be situational or a chemical imbalance in the brain. Some people with depression experience it every few years, some completely overcome it, and others sadly never overcome it. Mine tends to be situational. Im assuming I get depressed because I am a highly sensitive, emotional and empathetic person. I realized all of this because I fell so deep into depression this last time that I became desperate enough to finally try medication, which I tend to avoid. It was a nightmare to say the least, I am personally better without medication, but I know it works for some people. The point is, I don't think I have a serious chemical imbalance, I just have trouble handling some hard situations that life has thrown at me, and based on my history, I have gotten much better at recognizing when I feel it and I can thankfully help myself out of it. This time though, I did'nt even remember how I had overcome depression in the past because from October of 2022 to about September of 2023 I was depressed AGAIN and much worse this time. If I would have gone back and read that blog I wrote, I really could have helped myself. I sincerely hate to say this, especially because I had already learned that money does not buy happiness, but the truth is, I messed up and I should've believed in myself more. My biggest fear was losing my income and having to go back home to San Diego after I worked so hard to branch out of there. I was so loyal to this job because I reached middle class financial independence working there but NONE OF THAT MATTERS! It's all a social construct. Middle class doesn't even mean much anymore these days, specifically in this economy (I'll write more about that another time). I should've quit my job so long ago, I tried, but the fear consumed me, as if it was worth the suffering, but it definitely was not. I mean, I ended up being affected by one of many mass lay offs across the country anyway, so I don't necessarily think I am a failure by any means, I learned a lot there, but it was definitely not the company for someone like me. That is life, and most people don't stick to one single job their entire life anymore. All of my worst fears ended up happening. I lost my job, I went back home to San Diego, which for me, holds some very bad memories. It didnt even end up being a bad thing, I ended up re-building my relationship with my family, I took a real estate course, I made memories with my nieces. It felt like God just helped me pick up my broken pieces and now I am whole again. I also set the right intention for my relationship and luckily now I have a Fiance and we are happier than ever in Oregon! I had been operating in constant fear and anxiety of becoming poor or homeless, I am so sorry to myself for doing that, I did not deserve that and neither did my cats. So basically, this year was about forgiving myself, TRULY forgiving myself. 

It's my first Christmas here in Oregon. Im sitting here in my pajamas, looking out the window at trees, surrounded by a cloudy sky, the temperature is in the high 40 degrees. I can't help but cry happy tears and reflect on life (I cry a lot, not just when I'm sad, but when im overwhelmingly happy too lol). My new boss called a few hours into the shift yesterday. No questions about performance, just a simple "Everyone go home! Spend Christmas Eve with your families" what a culture shock. At my old job, I hardly took days off. I asked to leave "on time" instead of staying later to make my flight to New Mexico at 8pm on Christmas Eve to be with family. I felt full of guilt and shame being asked about my performance, as if they needed to know whether or not I deserved to not stay later. I couldn't even enjoy it fully, because I was stressed that I did'nt do well enough. I am so glad those days are over. Today I really get to relax, and enjoy life. Everything is actually going to be okay.

What a whirl wind, this Covid Era was. The world was sick with Covid then the nice media outlets helped spread the encouragement of thanking your “Essential Workers” but really, a lot of the big companies approached it wrong and many of these workers mental health started to deteriorate from being overworked. Followed by consistent mass layoffs, even when profits were higher than usual. Then of course other media outlets spread nothing but fear. Oh! AND then we got frustrated because we got to see how other countries were smarter and more caring about the stimulus packages for their people. I realized that some other countries have a leadership team that relates more to their people and in tough times can show how they genuinely they care about their well being, rather than profit. (It's funny to me how this parallels my experience with Corporate America). I think many people realized that our country is not just physically sick, it's actually mentally struggling. Thank goodness for Millenials and Gen Z who started making mindfulness become what we call viral, or popular or "Woke". This is how many of us got back to religion, or even if they are not part of a religion, they still see things much more clearly and want to do better for themselves and make the world a better place. I still choose to believe that the majority of people are good, even though I've experienced some awful people in my lifetime.

For me, things are finally okay now, physically and emotionally. Im living a humble life, learning and growing and surrounded by much nicer people now, I mean this in the nicest way, but it feels almost shocking that here, people have morals, and they care about women being treated, "special" for lack of a better word. L.A. was definitely not my home and I hope it will never be again. Here, I see forests and mountains everywhere I look, I get greeted by cute squirrels outside all of the time, and lastly the rivers and lakes are beautiful. Even my cats are showing significant signs of healthier and happier lives. Im in the outskirts, but Downtown Portland is beautiful too. It is small compared to L.A. and San Diego, but exceptionally clean and pretty, friendliness is everywhere. The best part is that it has preserved some really nice historical buildings. It holds the largest book store in the world! It feels a little like a ghost town because the riots during the Black Lives Matter movement drove out a lot of businesses, therefore there are a lot of empty places, but none the less, it is a very nice experience to walk through it. Homelessness is also an issue here just like it is in California. The people out here though, the majority all seem so nice, it gives off a small town feel where everyone is just trying to live their best life and spread positive vibes. It's not about the car you drive, the way you dress, the neighborhood you live in, they just want to be good people, and honestly, they are some of the most good looking people I've come across. They're not rushing from place to place because "time is money" its just simple and chill. I haven't experienced the angry honking, or rude interactions I am used to. Im just minding my own business, smiling at everyone and taking it all in. I love it here.

I think I feel what a lot of immigrants feel when they first come to America, except I just didn't leave the country, I only migrated to another state. I feel like a kid experiencing life for the first time. The excitement, the knowledge I am consuming, the culture shocks in the most positive way. Im just open minded and learning and growing and appreciating every moment with my whole heart. It feels like God gave me a warm hug this year. He not only helped me out of depression, he helped me see that I have a bigger purpose, and helped me find a state that suits me and my personality better. Thank You infinitely to God and to Oregon for welcoming me.

[berryunho]

honestly the best lore is when u make it random ass lore bits bc it gives joong vibes like... ur aware of all of it but everyone else struggles: torture LMAO

no bc i'd say the ult situation is relatable... but it's not... for me at least... i've always been kinda picky but also kinda instant?? LMAO IDKGJHFDSHJFDS i just. get to know the group ig and then there's usually one or two?? that i kinda gravitate towards and once i rly get to know the group i'm like oh. yeah it made sense. yeah ur mine now. DSJHSJHDSJ LIKE? (past bc i rly. only stan ateez. idk. idk how. don't ask) when i stanned bts i kinda knew them already but jungkook like stood out, n once i got to know them 'well' i was like yes this is it. also shinee's taemin, yes. but then we ARE quite similar bc i don't have many ults either! i've only ever ulted jungkook (less now), taemin (military pls give him back), wooyoung (this was difficult i rly did not want to give in) and now san too.. idk how it happened ajeshgjhdg

THERE IS SOMETHING I WANT TO KNOW HONESTLY AND IT IS ABOUT! COLLECTING bc u mentioned u bought a lot of merch during tour!!! so i'm assuming.. u collect yunho photocards too.. hehe.. do u.. i kinda want to start collecting woosan?? but at the same time i'm like, do i wanna go through that stress? not really.. but also i can just be a casual collector and make a wishlist n collect my wl woosan? (+joong?)?? BUT ALSO i have expensive taste so like. idk.

AND SO EXCITINGGG korea so soon and i'm SORRY i literally haven't started on that ppt but i promise u once i get my shit together i will bc i still really like the idea LMAO JUST DONT! K WORD SAN OFF BEFORE I GET THE PPT DONE PLS AND I PROMISE IM NOT STALLING JUST SO U LIKE. LE THIM LIVE. BUT IVE SEEN THAT OTHER ANON. AND NO. WE DO NOT WANT HONGJOONG TO KNOW. IT NEVER HAPPENED OK? OK? IT NEVERRRRRR HAPPENED. yk what. maybe joong would want to join. he's a cult freak for a reason. BYE ANYWA YHE CANT KNW BYEEEE

-san anon ily mwah

good morning (not for u probably yikes timezones) it is i san anon and i have not a lot to say BUT!!! I WOKE UP LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO AND THE FIRST THING I SAW WHEN I OPENED MY PHONE WAS THIS WHAT THE FUUUUCK AAAA idk if i’m barking or crying or both at this point HE’S SO! SO! SO CUUUUTE so baby i miss him ew

HIIII !!!!

PLESAJKLSEJKSJ youre so right like sometimes i forget that im the one writing and like ... what i say goes ... i have Power Over the Narrative ... crazy KJLKFJSDKFJ

but yeah lol i get it there are many ways that people come to bias their biases and i feel like your way makes a lot more sense LKJAFLKDJS but oh em gee i would also say that ateez is really the only group i stan ... like i have quite a few groups i listen to or groups where i know the members but like ...... idk i just do nawt care about any other groups like i care about ateez ALKJDFLKSJDF but no fr bring taemin back

AND COLLECTING !!! YES I DO !!!! i collect all of yunho's kr album pcs and then just fansign benefits/pobs that i really like hehe i only started in ??? january 2022 ??? so i dont have a complete collection yet lol but im not too .... stressed about it i guess ?? i definitely think that being casual about it is the way to go lol otherwise its just a lot of work and doesnt seem like it would be fun !

litcherally .... korea NOW ... sitting in my dorm in seoul as i type this im FIGHTINGGGG jetlag like i want to sleep so bad but its only 6:30pm KLJA;DLKFJSDLKFJ but omg so far everything has been so good and its just like ..... SURREAL LIKE WHAT . IM IN KOREA . HUH . but KJAFJSDLFKJ DW ABOUT THE PPT ! PLEASKEJALFKS lowkey i have hella writers block rn and havent been writing so .... as long as that keeps up he's DEFINITELY safe LKJDKLFJASD BUT ALKJDFKAJDF HONGJOOJGAJKNAGN yeah . anyways .

when you sent that second ask i actually WAS awake i think it was like 4am ??? and i had just gotten through airport security to start my journey to kr and anyways ! it was a good morning thank you and KALJDFSAKSDFJS GOD SO VALIDAJKSDLFJ PLEASE OBSESSED W THE EW AT THE END BC I FEEL THAT ALWAYSSSS WHEN I CATCH MYSELF SMILING TOO HARD OVER KPOP BOYSKLFJLS but anyways its valid to miss them im litcherally counting down the mf days until theyre in kr and have a schedule i need to lay my eyes upon them immediately .

ANYWAYS I HOPE YOURE GOOD !!!!! <333333 AND ARE HAVING A NICE WEEKEND <3333 ILYYY MWAH

[hyliantimelordin221b]

do you have some sanster fanfic recommendations? any rating 👀

i am SO glad you asked, my friend. because OH BOY. DO I.

For safety’s sake!!! fics that i like because of the varying levels of unhealthiness in their dynamic I have marked with a (!!) so that u are aware that the fic is not sunshine and rainbows! some of them contain content warnings so pls be aware of that, n also pls read the tags on the fic before u read them bc i haven’t read all of these very recently so i could be forgetting things to mention.

also !! explicit/mature fics are marked with (E) or (M) respectively. 

Memory by ratwormGOOD ANGSTY it makes my heart ache and also a rly interesting take on sans not remembering gaster after he falls :( i like this one a LOT ,, !!!

(M) Spoiled Sweet by AngeliaDarkTHE WAY GASTER TAKES CARE OF SANS IN THIS ONE KILLS ME it’s so intimate i cry ,,, also warning tho that it’s part of a sugardaddy au and there’s an implied age gap and also implied polyamory/papster but no fontcest, in case any of that makes u uncomfortable. rly cute how much gaster cares for sans n how he pampers him ,, also not teeeeechnically explicit but definitely rated M

(E) I’ve Got A Few Things To Say About These Two by Pomanderanother collection of sanster oneshots. ALL OF THESE ARE AMAZING. i’m absolutely in love with the portrayal of their relationship here–they’re much more like equals in this than boss and assistant.  so … intimate ….. it’s … gooooooood ….. they care about each other so much …….. anyways this was literally the first fic that came to mind when i saw the eyes emoji in ur ask bc this fic is so soft in some places but i’m still pretty sure every one of these is quite explicit lkjsdfl;kjsdf

(M, only chapter 3 tho) The Dump by overlordya collection of diff oneshots, but first four are sanster! THEIR FLIRTING ABSOLUTELY K I L L S me and the puns and their dynamic is so good in the first two chapters, and the next two are amazing angst too ahhhh.  there’s a flirty line in the first chapter abt the gravitational constant and idk maybe its bc i’m an engineering major in college but it had me dYinG.  heads up that chapter 3 is M-rated (and very angsty ,, good shit) but the rest are mostly just suggestive i think

(E) Dinner and a Show by ZodiacTHIS IS A VAMPIRE!GASTER AU AND I LOVE HOW NEEDY SANS IS IT  K I L L S  ME AKLSJDL;KASDF and i also love the way gaster’s dialogue is written. this one’s def a bit explicit ,, it be like that sometimes

(!!)(M) Monstrosity by mister13eyond and tripleCrocodilianOKAY SO LISTEN. LET ME SCREAM ABOUT THIS ONE FOR A MOMENT. this one’s an RP apparently, and its almost 200k words long.  i literally CANNOT commit to reading something that long because my attention span seriously just does n o t allow for that (especially since it’s abandoned ahhhhhh), but THERE’S A SEX SCENE AT THE END IN CHAPTER 19 THAT GIVES ME EVERYTHING I WANT OUT OF THIS SHIP.  IT’S G O O D. like it’s not explicit at all from what i remember, but it’s a lot of sans dying for gaster’s approval and gaster just… using him, not really giving half of a shit about him AND SANS KNOWS IT. AND HE STILL WANTS TO BE USED.  ITS GOOD.  I LOVE IT ITS SO UNHEALTHY ITS GOOOOOOOOOOD anyways i bet the whole thing is amazing but i just re-read starting halfway through chapter 19 and i’m screaming it’s great that is all

(!!)(M) Soul Tap by Askellie(NadaNine)I DON’T WANNA SCREAM TOO MUCH BUT THIS IS ALSO GOOD UNHEALTHY SANSTER, also just overall really well written with amazing style and some rly gr8 use of extended metaphor, this one has implied rape/non-con in it tho so pls be careful :// also !! papyrus worried for sans and good skelebro angst, i’m here for it always  (also vampire!gaster au, hmm i’m seeing a trend here.)

(!!)(M) Oathbound by 0neTypethe characterization in this one is amazing, more fucked-up sanster from gaster’s perspective. be warned this one also contains implied rape/non-con. also it’s vampire!gaster again what is happening here why do i love these so much my twilight phase is haunting me in the year of our lord 2019 smh

(i also have one more rec that i’m not comfy sharing here bc of how intense/potentially triggering it is so i’ll reblog w my ns/fw blog and give it there !! check the notes if ur interested or use this link i guess)

also disclaimer: i’m probably missing some really good ones because i just got an AO3 sort of recently and keep forgetting that bookmarking/history is a thing that i can use to help me find/keep track of old fics that i like !! aaaaaa

anyways !!! those are my recs!!! lemme know if any of the links don’t work or somethin and i’ll try my best 2 fix it !! thank u for this ask, i hope u enjoy !!!

[kaissauce]

Undertale characters are already so cool and funky and although aus are cool and all it loses it's spark when people only focus on sans (he's a cool character i get it but so is literally all the other main characters). here's a bunch of stuff i wrote down about them characters because idk there's so much that can be explored with the base game instead of jumping to aus

sans: a character who very clearly just wants to vibe and no way shape or form wants to be in the spotlight or the main character. casually threatens the player to show that he's more than meets the eye but also does not want to fight but is capable of doing so. has weird powers and apparently pranking people across time and space is the norm for him (according to papyrus). absolute troll. likes astronomy and science stuff. his right eye glows light blue and yellow for a few frames in very specific moments during the fight (the beginning, when he slams you into the walls during the last attack but eventually it stops glowing even when he's still slamming the soul around, and when he teleports you to the middle when you try to go to the fight button when he's still awake.) has a key to a lab with a machine which could also belong to papyrus ( twitter post suggests two people tried to fix that machine the two people could either be sans and papyrus or sans and alphys) what's the machine for? most popular headcanon is time machine presumably connected to gaster

Papyrus: an enigma, literally nothing about his past is revealed. Has weird powers that he uses so casually. barely fazed by dying and continues to believe the human. he does not kill the human and will always end the battle once the human gets to 1 hp, flat out gives the choice for the human to skip the fight after a few tries. barely sleeps, has nightmares. hates hotland, indifferent to echo flowers, online friends with alphys, knows things that did not happen yet (mettaton having eyes, the phone turning into a jetpack). why does he never take off his gloves this detail is forgotten by so many people. CHECK in the genocide route his description is "Forgettable" that could mean multiple things and none of them are good. his stats change in other routes unlike other people who have stat changes that happen because of specific scenarios: undyne's stats are different during the hangout fight, asgore's stats lower after smelling toriel's pie. Has connections to the River person, Flowey, and the Annoying Dog (pretty peculiar people). Keeps secrets, like he's MUCH better at keeping secrets then Sans. also a troll but isn't as big of a troll as sans. appears to be naive and is much more mysterious than sans and also more subtle at being mysterious. presumably also can use gaster blasters

Asgore: the king of the underground with a tragic life and carries the hopes of his subjects and the guilt from all the people he's hurt. Shows signs of knowing about resets (talking after being killed the player tells him that he's killed them and he nods sadly in response). wait that'd be really sad if he could remember previous timelines because then he'd know that he dies in every outcome except for true pacifist. most definitely did not want to kill those children but had to for monsterkind, he probably wasn't even the one to kill most of the fallen children because their stuff is in places where they presumably died. Took a long time to get a new royal scentist after Gaster was lost to his creation. Tries to get back on good terms with Toriel. he's old as friiickkk. he's horrible at naming things i find that really funny that he mashed his name and toriel's name to get asriel. first person besides alphys to meet flowey, dude i will die with the headcanon that asgore named flowey. HIS TRIDENT CAN BREAK THE MERCY BUTTON MAYBE EVEN THE OTHER BUTTONS

Undyne: The captain of the royal guard. She's missing an eye with no canon explanation. She was trained by the king of the underground and looks up to Gerson aka "The Hammer of Justice". Met Alphys at the dump and watches anime with her. Intimidating at first but she can be a really goofy person or very threatening. Tried to get Papyrus into cooking instead of wanting to join the royal guard because she knows he's against killing and he'll probably die when facing a human even though she knows he's tough. Plays piano. cheats death, basically does the impossible it's no big deal

Alphys: The Royal scientist after Gaster. Created a body for Mettaton, lied and claimed she made a robot with a soul (which alphys never revealed to anyone, the player only finds this out by getting the mystery key and the lab entries in the true lab). Experimented with DT and human souls. Knows that souls can't be artificially created. Knows about alternate realities and probably also studied timeline shenanigans (maybe sans and alphys studied that stuff together, maybe even more than just timeline shenanigans since sans is hinted to bring dog food for the amalgamates). Created Flowey. LITERALLY MANIPULATES THE GAME CODE TO TROLL THE PLAYER

Mettaton: ok how often did he forget that he's supposed to be playing as a robot with an artificial soul. like come on he had to slip up at least once. does he continue with that facade on the surface???? like i thought alphys wanted to be honest and she just never said mettaton is just a ghost?? also need me more ghost family interactions that's always fun. ALSO HIS ENDING COME ONNN THERE'S SO MUCH POTENTIAL THERE WHY ISN'T THERE MORE FICS ON IT IN FACT THERE SHOULD BE MORE FICS ON THE NEUTRAL ENDINGS IN GENERAL like i've already read some fanfics that touch on his ending and they're SO COOL but also mEssed and sad

ok im getting sleepy and this post is getting long so this next one's gonna be short

Gaster: probably actually broke people's ps4s when they typed in his name because the code to simulate a crash on a computer actually crashes the game on the console and causes a fatal error. dude gaster what the heck

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back again. Heads up im going to be busy for the next week about so it may be a bit til I submit my next bit. I'll try to get something in though! Even if its just a bunch of incorrect quotes I have stored up or songs that inspired the story (or if you have questions you haven't been able to ask you can ask those, literally any question is fine).

1: Not particularly, but it does give him an advantage in everything basically. Cause he was taught how to survive in many different areas (like treating wounds and how to survive in a tundra when you have nothing), this teaching is what allowed him to live alone for 4 years, and is what gives him a strong advantage in the Pit because he's almost fully trained in fighting and has many different tactics for multiple scenarios. Ranbob was distraught and was sent into a depressive episode when he discovered that, almost his entire family was dead, and got even more distraught and sent into a state of hysteria when he found out he was the one who killed them. He acted much the same when he found out he killed his friends, Ran's friends, and every single mentor and leader that was there. Knowing full well he may of very well doomed Mizu, if anyone was still left alive of course. 

2: Grievous remained salty for the rest of the day, and showed distaste in Ranbob as well. But the day after Grievous was back to being friends with and gently pranking Ranbob, forgiving him for yesterday's accident.

3: Eh? It depends I'll say. For life threatening situations and stressful situations, yes definitely. He doesnt last long before breaking down and begging Benjamin for help. But if its something like getting everyone to work toghere, giving directions, stopping fights, or even making calls in a very important decision, he doesnt get overwhelmed too easily. Benjamin is basically the co-leader of the group, only really leading when Isaac is unable too. 

5: Yep! Just cause this is a mythical and fake world doesnt mean there can't be some real world attributes. Im trying to keep it mythical but also use real world functions and trying to show the change/mix in times (like how while some of the world is machinery and its slowly gaining popularity, it's still mostly midevil based)

7: If the person is in the arena he gets revenge. Though sadly he can't get it outside cause last time he did that he got banned from fighting for a month. But if he sees one of the people who made fun of Jackie in the arena he makes sure to go hard to them, pushing them to their limit, but not pushing hard enough to make them lose if that makes sense. He makes sure to fight in a way that's draining and causing pain for the person, but not draining enough to make the round end so he can drag it on until the person collapses. 

8: He does! He's kept all of his books from his adventures and sometimes re-reads them to make sure he doesnt forget anything. And sometimes if the others beg, he reads them outloud to the group as a sort of bedtime story. He goes wack, he wacks Jackie when he's being a little shit, he wacks Grievous after a prank, he wacks Genevieve when she brakes a training dummy, he wacks Levi especially hard when he gives Jackie alcohol after he specifically told him not too. He watched the dressmaker, baker, farmer, fletcher, cleric, cartographer, and butcher! He learned all tricks of the trade and learned how to properly make clothes, map maps, how to take care of animals and what certain animals need, how to cook anything basically, how to harvest and preserve food, and how to make arrows and the basic necessities for a bow. 

Ran does not necessarily make them often, he mostly only wrote them down so he wouldn't accidentally brew a potion of poison and drink it thinking it was a healing potion. Its considered no longer necessary to go into the nether, as the only thing really needed is netherwart and building supplies, but the building supplies are very rarely needed and every major city has a netherwart farm. Also cause I wanna add it, no one knows about netherite. Only a few adventures know about it but consider it a hoax, it's only Rans netherite sword that actually proves that it does exist. I actually wasnt planning on it at first but now definitely, I could do a lot of things with them in the SMP grounds. Weeks, it takes weeks for Ran to decide their ready. Because they need to pass whats basically tests about mobs of the nether and their habits, mine plenty of gold, learn about what to and what not to do around Piglins, learn about bastions and fortresses and areas to completely avoid, learn to be able to take multiple mobs on at once, and be able to withstand the heat there. Watson tries to get Ran to lighten up on the requirements but Ran is firmly sticking his ground and Watson ends up giving up and letting Ran do whatever. Though even with all of Rans training their not completely ready for the nether. The fishermen originally refuse to go through, but eventually go through, mostly to make sure Ranbob is safe, and because Cletus wouldn't stop whining about going. 

10: I am very tempted to add angst here because their fighting against Dream after all. But I've made a lot of angst so far so I'll only do it if you want me too. 

12: He does end up stepping in! He goes to Ranbob one night and says how he's noticed he's been stressed and always sad and asks how he can help. Ranbob brushes him off at first but is debating going to him again and asking for help one last time.

13: Yeah he's like a final boss. When you fight as a General your allowed to use your own personal weapons and whatever tricks or tactics you want, along with 3 potions of your choice. While when fighting as a typical gladiator, you have to use the weapons supplied (although unless specifically stated you can use any weapon given at any time), and have to use tatics and tricks specifically allowed in the rules. Though there are 2 more titles! Sergeant and Corporal. Ran and Watson are both Sergeants, they get to use personal weapons and mostly any tactic and tricks they want too. While Grievous is a Corporal and only gets to use his personal weapons. 

14: Yep! The whispers disappeared gradually the futher away they got from Mizu, and even while he was moving away from Mizu Dream was asking, almost begging him at the end, to come back to Mizu. Saying how the futher Ranbob gets the lonier and colder he feels, and how he's sorrh, trying to guilt trip him into coming back to Mizu, or at least coming closer again. 

15: It is!

1: Huh. What kind of things would people learn if they chose other idols, exactly? Also, ouch. Why do I keep asking questions I know will hurt me later on?

2: Gently pranking. I applaud his restraint. Is that how Grievous forgives people? Gently pranking them? Just joking with them in general. Also, who laughed at that little situation?

3: So Isaac’s good with everyday things, not so much high stress situations. Gotcha. Is there a reason Benjamin is able to remain calm where he can’t? Practice, experience, personality trait?

5: Very cool. Can’t wait to see what else you do with that, honestly.

7: Petty. I love it. 

8: Aww, adventure bedtime stories! Also, him wacking people is so funny to me, thank you for that. And Levi gave Jackie alcohol? How did that go down? Did Jackie get drunk, or did Watson manage to keep them from drinking it? Watson sounds like he could probably establish a small village if he so chose, and honestly, good for him.

Dang. Does this mean like, everything from the Smp has been lost? So many of them had netherite armor and stuff, what happened there for people to not even know it’s a thing anymore? What happened in general, for so much of the past to be lost to history? How does their little Nether trip go? Anyone get hurt? Are piglin tribes around to trade with? Do they find anything cool, like a fortress or bastion?

10: It’s your AU, do what you will. I’m going to read it regardless, because for some reason, I enjoy breaking my heart like that(and the AU in general). Just give us some bonus hurt/comfort if you do, please? Just a smidge?

12: One last time? What does that mean, exactly? Should I be concerned?

13: Huh. So how many people know that Jackie’s the General? What kind of status does it give him? And how many people have managed to beat him when he fights all out? Would you say he and Ran are on par? How about him and Watson? And do the Sergeants and Corporals fight before the General, as like, mini bosses?

14:Oh no. Did it ever cause Ranbob to try and go back to him toward the end, or did the Fishermen manage to distract him long enough to get away from the whispers just about completely?

15: Yay!

[levis-hazelnut]

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖

[fal-carrington]

Bullet [One-Shot]

Pairing: Kamilah x mc slightly Adrian x Mc

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine

A/N: The idea originally came because of this post https://itsmychoicebih.tumblr.com/post/175802347273/i-feel-like-im-the-only-one-who-sometimes-wishes Thank you so much darling for got me inspired to write this. That's what I think would have happened if Adrian had overheard Kamilah and Mc that night in the cabin, taking into consideration that he was falling in love with Mc.

3h30am

Compassion. That was what the look of both women showed. Going back to that cabin which bring painful memories, but back to where Adrian's life had begun and ended. It was like going back to the past with a sense of refuge from all that was happening lately. Vega. A traitorous and filthy snake, Adrian was betting that this whole time he was plotting against him. It was not a surprise, Adam was never more than a politician who only thought for his own benefit, most vampires were like that.

Adrian stared at the carpet in his old room, he knew full well of the risks it was, it was amazing how overnight his life had taken that uncontrolled course. From an influential CEO, he had become an outlaw of his fellow councilors. Incriminated unjustly, being subject to go through numerous tortures surname crime that he had not committed.

With all that had happened, he wanted tell both the truth. His life story, everything that had happened in that cabin during his life. He just felt like he should tell, talk about Charles... Eleanor. His family he had lost at the hands of a horrible person. As he counted, he looked at their faces. Kamilah remained impassive, innumerable thoughts taking place in her mind at that moment, and Hayley... She was the most touched, that was what Adrian loved in her... Her empathy.

Betrayed by Nicole. One of the employees loyal to Raines Corp that he believed to be a friend. He could never have foreseen this, as a mere 'no' had made him subject to unscrupulous betrayal. He raised his tired face, could still feel the effects of the serum on his body, maybe he was impulsive to inject it into himself without thinking of the consequences and the risks that he was subject. But he had no other choice, to let the serum fall into Adam's hands was unthinkable.

Adrian felt a familiar tingle in his chest as he looked directly into the green eyes that looked at him empathically. Hayley. Although the situation was difficult, she was the only one that made him persist, knowing that she had given up on being with Lily and Jax in New York and put herself at risk twice to save him from the Baron's dungeon, and followed him so far, made him think that maybe she was his second chance at love. She was the sunny morning after a strong storm.

Hayley's hands stroked his and the only thing Adrian could not stop thinking about was how lucky he was to have such a wonderful person in his life that cared for him. She was willing to sacrifice herself for him. Even Kamilah. His friend for centuries, the person he considered his older sister, one of the few people he trusted at that moment. She had risked her position before the council to save him, had risked her reputation and her life for him. Adrian's eyes went to the tall woman with her back to the wooden wall and arms crossed, her brown eyes showing sympathy, but strangely, Adrian noticed that she was looking directly at where Hayley's hands were.

"I know." The thought occurred in his mind. He imagined the sermon he would hear from Kamilah when this was all over. He could already visualize perfectly what she would say - He should not be involved with a human, they both knew how fragile humans were, how little time they had and how fast everything went. But Hayley was different and she was worth it.

"It's almost dawn. We should put the shades down and get some rest.” He said flattening himself on the bed and looking at both of them. “I’II sleep in the bedroom and there’s an extra bedroll here that’s more comfortable that it looks.” Kamilah unrolled the bedroll.

"I've certainly slept on worse," She look at it. "It would be cold here without a central heating" She said with the item in hand.

"Hayley, where will you be?" Adrian squinted his eyes at the girl. He wanted her to choose him, wanted her to stay with him that night. Hayley looked between them, biting her lower lip.

"I’II sleep with Kamilah," she said unexpectedly, and that made his heart clench a little, disappointed that she had not chosen him.

"Oh, will you?" In response Kamilah smiled broadly, a smile that he did not expect. Hayley's cheeks turned reddish.

"Yeah! To be closer to... The fire.” She stuttered. "Get some rest, Adrian. We’ll see you in the morning,” Hayley said with a confident smile and followed Kamilah out off the room. He sighed preparing himself to sleep.

4h00am

He was almost asleep. Almost. Lying in his bed with his eyes closed, after Hayley and Kamilah left the room, inevitably he was able to hear a part of their conversation. When did they become so close? Not that he was complaining, but that was unexpected. A friendship? Kamilah never showed liking Hayley. That was strange. He could feel sleep coming, he was almost dreaming. When he began to hear things, obscene words, groans... Someone was begging. That really sounded like Hayley’s voice.

Adrian opened his eyes, clearly confused and uncomfortable. His mind still not understanding what was happening. He sat on the bed, the blanket still covering his body. He paused for a moment, thinking it was nothing. Twisting to be nothing. He was starting to think maybe it's the serum messing with his head when...

"Oh, my... Kamilah!" It was definitely Hayley's voice, panting, begging. Adrian could hear the sound of the wood creaking hard, the sound of the futon fabric against the wood. Hayley's heartbeat accelerated, her breathing ragged.

"Oh, god... Oh, god ... I want you so much." Hayley spoke again after a few seconds. Adrian widened his eyes, standing up. Frightened, thinking whatever was happening behind that door, it was not a good thing.

"You're so beautiful." He heard Kamilah's voice for the first time, breathless. It was as if he could see the smile on her face as she said those words. “Do it again... Say it.”

“I want more” Hayley answered.

“Damn, you do” Kamilah said silencing her.

Adrian's hand was shaking, but he managed to turn the knob and quietly opened the door and could see that scene in front of him. A scene he never expected to see and would never be able to forget. Kamilah was his best friend, his confidant, his sister, who usually used to be cynical and cold to humans, and she was... Sleeping with his assistant. The girl he was in love with.

He stood there looking at both of them. In complete shock. Luckily he could see no part of their bodies, other than their legs and arms. Kamilah was above Hayley, her tanned arms on each part of the girl's body, holding Hayley against her as she kissed Hayley passionately. Hayley answered the kiss with the same enthusiasm and euphoria, her fingers curled into Kamilah's long hair and her legs around the CEO's hip as the other moved hard against her. Hayley's body was sweaty, she was panting. The fire in the fireplace burned alive beside them, and something else burned inside Adrian. Anger, hate... Betrayal, deception. A broken heart. How could Kamilah do this to him? By this point she already knew of his feelings for Hayley. Or at least she suspected.

"WHAT DOES THIS MEANS?" He screamed, unable to contain himself, scaring both of them. Hayley's first reaction was shock, trying to cover herself, Kamilah on the other hand, seemed more restrained, her expression of surprise was less than Hayley's.

"OH GOD! Adrian.... We... Uh... " Hayley was unable to formulate complete sentences. Her face was red, as was her bust, which she tried to hide. Kamilah and Adrian exchanged glances, unable to break the eye contact.

"Kamilah, how could you?!" he asked bitterly, his eyes red and fangs showing. "You had sex with my assistant, under my roof!" He shouted.

"Adrian..." Kamilah sighed before formulating a more appropriate response. "It’s not what you think"

"Oh really?! What I just witnessed here in front of me is not what I'm thinking?! You just betrayed me! You! Of all the people in the world, I never thought you'd be able—" He refused to look at both now, Hayley was wearing her clothes hurriedly, while Kamilah buttoned her shirt.

"To what?!" She stood up and Adrian could look at her, still able to see the droplets of sweat on her tanned skin, her messy brown hair and red lips blurred in the absence of the lipstick that was lying all over her Hayley's skin with kisses marks. "You talk like I slept with your wife! Adrian, from what I know, two are not together. Not oficially."

"We—" Hayley tried to say looking at both of them.

"You know how I feel about her!" Adrian said angrily.

"She's not your property!" Kamilah screamed back, her eyes red just like his, her fangs outside.

"Neither yours!"

“She wanted as much as I wanted”

”Don’t even bother! I opened up with you, I told you my story, the story of my family who lived and died in this house, where I died—“ Adrian paced back and forth with a face distorted in agony and anger. "... I never expected to find you two doing this, after all!"

"Stop acting like a child, Adrian! I must admit it wasn’t the proper place to do that, but we had a moment here and I didn’t thought—"

“SO YOU TWO HAD A MOMENT?! I’m so sorry to be inconvenient and interrupt your little moment with MY ASSISTANT!”

"OK, THAT’S ENOUGH YOU TWO!" Maybe it was a stupid decision, but Hayley did not think before putting herself in front of two vampires ready for a fight. They both looked at her in surprise. "You two will end up killing each other like this! We are all adults and we can solve this situation in a more peaceful way—“

"How dare you! Am I the child ?!" Adrian growled interrupting her.

"Yes, you are!" Kamilah snarled back threatening to move forward, Hayley clutched uselessly in the CEO's silk shirt, trying to contain her unsuccessfully.

"I was not the one who betrayed the other!"

"GUYS!"

"...I‘m in love with her, Kamilah!" Adrian shouted nervously.

"I‘m in love with her too!" Kamilah yelled back. At that moment, Adrian stopped and Hayley too, both with their eyes on her. Kamilah gritted her teeth and looked the other way.

"You are?" Hayley softly asked in shock.

"You... You despise mortals. You could not bear to stay close to Hayley until a few days ago.” Adrian said without understanding. Kamilah ran a hand through her hair. “That’s not possible”

"She made me feel something, something I never thought I could feel again. She is the part of the puzzle that was missing in my life, Adrian.” Kamilah admitted softly looking at her friend. Adrian's heart tightened as he stared at her. “The one I’ve been looking for”

“Well, she is my second chance to love again.” He said clearly upset looking at her. “The only thing I want more than everything. I need her in my life.”

After a moment of silence they both looked at Hayley, who was still in shock. Adrian's words in her mind, she could feel his pain, she sympathized with that pain. He was good for her, he always was. And Kamilah, surprisingly admitting she had feelings for her, someone she thought would never look at her in another way just because she was not like them.

"So, Hayley, what will it be?" Adrian asked. As if giving her a choice. Who would she choose? The gentlest and sweetest man, she had ever known, kind and loving, capable of anything to save his friends... Or Kamilah? The woman who impressed her, who constantly challenged her, the definition of perfection in person. Which at first had been cold and impenetrable, but actually was one of the most wonderful people she had ever known. She opened her mouth not knowing what to say, even before she could, the three of them heard a thunderous noise outside, and they were consumed by a strong white light.

They were found by Vega.

[choibyus]

Hii! How was your weekend? c:

Did you do anything interesting the past couple days?

I rewatched beomgyu's latest tiktok after you mentioned it in our last convo fnjengk and I think I just wanna stare at his stupid handsome face all day– BUT YEONJUN'S ALSO BEEN PLAYING UP ON TIKTOK I SWEAR! THEY DO IT SO WELL OMG buuuuut I have seen that hueningkai has become sort of a bias wrecker for you nowadays? correct me if I'm wrong, but hueningkai's charisma is too charming and I getchu ✋😔 how could nobody be biased wrecked these days?! I swear ever since he turned blond that's when it started aaaa me and one of my friends have a theory that after a member goes blond then that's their era when they act up 🧎‍♀️ and now that all of txt have at least bleached their hair once it all makes sense 😭

Oh I forgot to ask, when do you celebrate christmas?! I wanna try and have it ready for you by then hehe I may already have something in mind for you <: I'm gonna try my best for it to hit you in the festive feels ^^ another question: do you have a favourite trope? or genre when reading fics? and what genre/tropes do you enjoy writing?

Honestly, I forget I’m 4’11 at times until I see how tall txt are compared to their 5’3 makeup artists and I’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ fr I think we’re just a bit more than half of their height 😭 As for txt’s impact, they’ve grown so well and helped plenty of moas deal throughout the past two years, especially. OH THAT REMINDS ME, a very late welcome to moablr ^^ I love this place and I hope you’re enjoying it here too!

That reminds me, I’m yet to listen to more StayC songs but I 100% agree with Enha though!! What songs do you like? I’ve recently been listening to just a little bit and go big or go home a lot! the contrast LMAO but I love them 🥺

p.s sorry for missing a day of messaging you! I’ve been a lil busy, but I’ll make up for it <:

— Secret MOA 🎁

hi secret moa 🎁! how have you been recently?!?! :D

my weekend went well! just lots of studying for my finals :'-) painnn!! but i did get to hang out with a few of my friends and share a few laughs which was very fun! i also pulled beomgyu from my chaotic wonderland album SOOOO IM VERY HAPPY ABOUT THAT!

beomgyu is insanely handsome omg that tiktok HIT DIFF! and yeonjun's dances are out of this world.. seriously got me watching it like twice every day smh! AND YES!! huening kai is seriously bias wrecking me 😭😭 he pulled up with the pink hair and i was like GAH DAMN that's such a nice colour on him! omg your friend is so right tho!!

i celebrate christmas i think on the 25th of dec? i think that's when christmas is LOL omg i'm so excited!! my favourite trope definitely has to be enemies to lovers or even fake dating au's!

AHAHHAA tell me why 🧍🏻‍♀️ is the best emoji to describe us short ppl with txt LMAOO they're all just built different it's insane... and yes!! i'm thoroughly enjoying moablr! everyone's so nice and talented and it's super welcoming which i really like :))

SAME! i've been listening to their newest album recently and i reallllly like upper side dreamin' and go big or go home!

and also! no problem about missing a day! life can get super busy so i totally understand <3