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mm-lurking · 5 months

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MAY I REQUEST FOR ANGST POOKS 😘😝 MYBE ABT BRINGING UP THEIR DEAD EX BY ACCIDENT DURING AN ARGUEMENT? THERES RARELY ANY ANGST IM GETTING MAD 👹

I saw your ask at 11 pm and something about the way you wrote your request made me giggle so hard idk why 🤣 Since you demand angst I shall give it to you. You’re my first ask btw so thank you very much!

I’m not sure which character you wanted me to write for so I’m going to go for Blade and Aventurine. Though feel free to send me specific characters through the ask again!

Warnings: no fluff at all, pure angst, fem! reader and ex, reader has no chill running her mouth, Aventurine’s kinda feels ooc sorry about that WC: 1881

Blade

You were a hair’s breadth away from being gravely injured. If it weren’t for Blade’s interruption you would have been Antimatter Legion dinner tonight. In your eyes you weren’t in that much danger, you knew you could handle it on your own but in Blade’s eyes, it was just another flashback to how he lost her. It felt frustrating to watch him downplay your capabilities, it's not like you were some weak damsel in distress. There was a reason your relations with the Stellaron Hunters had lasted as far as it had; you were good at wielding your weapon and making good use of the enemy’s weaknesses. Sure there were moments when you were in trouble but you never really got to live the thrill of it because Blade would always step in to help you even when you didn’t ask for it.

You loved him dearly and appreciated his assistance but just for this instance, you wanted to deal with things by yourself. Ultimately your agitation got the best of you and so now here you were with your arms crossed, glaring at Blade after the enemy was taken care of.

“Have you always been this foolish?”

You stare at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, questioning his audacity of insulting you like this.

“Excuse me?”

“You could have gotten hurt.”

He says matter-of-factly and you feel your jaws clench at the way he speaks to you.

“Blade I am fully capable of looking after myself! I need you to stop interrupting my fights!”

“If I didn’t that Antimatter Legion pawn would have sliced your head off your shoulders.”

“And how the hell do you know that was going to happen?! I could have fought it easily if it weren’t for you!”

He turns around and looks at you with cold eyes which make you flinch momentarily.

“You overestimate yourself.”

“I do not! I have worked relentlessly on my skills! I know what I can handle or what I can’t! You just never allow me to prove it!”

“You are a fool. I do not need to see you pushed to your limits to acknowledge your skills.”

“Then why the hell won’t you let me do what I want?!”

You both argue back and forth with neither of you backing down. Blade speaks calmly, just as he always has but with slight frustration whereas you on the other hand are full-on yelling and boiling over to the point of rage. He takes a deep breath and continues.

“I am just looking out for you-”

“I am not weak like Chun. Stop treating me like I am.”

You almost immediately regret it the moment those words leave your mouth. Your words are sharp and bitter, and pierce his heart like a blade slashing through flesh. His eyes are ablaze with fury and pain and the way his jaw clenches is enough to let you know you have overstepped your boundary.

Chun was his first love. She was a good woman with a kind heart, and despite how odd she looked amongst the Stellaron Hunters, they welcomed her as long as it made Blade happy. But in a world full of evil, being kind is a weakness and ultimately she met her end in the hands of an enemy during heated negotiations. For the one whose life was already cursed by immortality, he took her death hard and swore never to love again, for he couldn’t bear to witness yet another loved one depart for the nth time in his long life. His already broken heart took ages to heal and by the time you crossed paths with him, he was still grieving over her. You knew this very well because it was you who assured him that history wouldn’t repeat itself with you. It was you who helped him heal further and gave him the confidence to open his heart up once more to you. You knew what she meant to him because he had been honest with you about his past yet-

“Blade I-”

-here you were driving the very knife you had taken out of him so lovingly back into his heart in full force. He looks at you with so much despise and agony that your heart hurts knowing you are the cause for it. A blade being stabbed over and over into his body hurt, but those wounds always healed after a while. Yet the wound your words had caused was one that no medication could fix. Your throat tightens and you want to reach out to him and hold him but you stay glued to your feet.

“We don’t need to be around each other anymore.”

Despite the torment he feels, he looks straight into your eyes and monotonously speaks. There is not even a single moment spared for you to reply as he walks out of the room and slams the door shut, indicating he is done with you. The door closing was not just the end of the argument you both were having, it was also the end of what you were to each other. You stand there rooted to the ground as tears sting your eyes. Why did you have to be like this?

Aventurine

“Aventurine I swear to god I am not playing your petty games again.”

You angrily huff as you cross your arms and glare at Aventurine with disapproval. The audacity of this man was truly something, especially at a time like this. You both were stuck in an interesting situation, where Aventurine had made a gamble with an enemy territory and he wanted you to be part of it. More precisely, he wanted to turn you into his bargaining chip for a while. There was one tiny problem. He wasn’t asking for your approval, he had already made the deal.

“The table has already been set, friend. You just have to play your role real well.”

Your jaw hangs low when you realise what he has done.

“Aventurine don’t tell me….”

“They have decided to ask for you in exchange of information. Do not worry, I will find a way to-“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as a loud slap resonates across the room. You stare at him in disbelief with tears welling your eyes, unable to process what he has done. A shaky sigh leaves his mouth and he stares at you, bewildered by your behaviour.

“It hasn’t even been a full week since we finished another deal and you want me to jump head-on into another one?!”

“Was there a need to slap me like this? If you’re forgetting, friend, you agreed to help me out on these deals regardless of the risk. Or should I have the doctor examine your memory?”

“Aventurine I agreed to help you out, not be used however you please! You could have at least asked me first before making the deal!”

You rub your temples and rethink the entire situation through. Your relationship with Aventurine was compatible due to one simple fact: you both loved taking risks. The thrill of the gamble and the adrenaline of waiting for the results kept you both alive. It was the drug you both needed in this cruel unjust world.

But this, this was different. This wasn’t just any gamble and it wasn’t a small one either. Being traded off to the enemy territory for a few weeks was no easy task and you have no idea what the hell Aventurine was thinking. In your last deal, you barely made it out alive as the tables turned against your favour. It was a miracle your assets weren’t taken and that you weren’t killed in the process.

“…I promise you will be fine, friend.”

Tears sting your eyes and you try to take a deep breath.

“How can you be so sure?”

“The gaiaithra triclops blesses me abundantly. We will not lose.”

“Is that what you said to Lilac as well before her demise?”

You hear how his breath hitches in his throat at the mention of Lilac. He coughs a little and then stares at you with a look you cannot decipher.

“Do not bring her up.”

His voice is a mere whisper and you know you’re crossing some lines already. Yet you don’t stop there. You jab your right index finger into his chest with every word you speak.

“I don’t know what’s worse, being a gambling chip on purpose or being a gambling chip unknowingly, like she was.”

He grips the hand you have on his chest tightly. You can’t help but wince a little at how he’s looking at you with red eyes filled with regret and anger. He tries to speak but you cut him off.

“Was losing her not enough to learn your lesson? Or do you turn everyone you love into pawns of your game?”

“You’re crossing the line now.”

He warns and you shake your head.

“You treat everyone like an asset, even the ones who truly love you without any hidden agenda. No wonder you couldn’t save Lilac-“

“Enough!”

Before you can process what is going on Aventurine pulls out a gun from his inner coat pocket and shoots a random vase on the table behind you. The bang of the gun and the loud shattering of the ceramic into pieces makes you jump and shake a little. He then shifts his gaze on you and lets your hand go before issuing his warning.

“…you need to leave. Leave before I accidentally hurt you.”

“I-“

“I said leave!”

He points the gun at you. His hand is shaking in a manner you have never seen before and you can tell he doesn’t want to do this but you’re giving him no choice. You stare at him for a moment and nod your head before scurrying away.

Once you’re out of his sight he plops onto the nearest sofa and drops his gun. It lands with a loud thud as he puts his head into his hands and shakes visibly. Flashbacks of that dreaded day start to play over and over in his head and he clenches his teeth as a tear rolls down his eye.

Lilac was a woman he met during one of his travels as an IPC stoneheart. They got along pretty well and eventually fell in love. A few years ago, Aventurine asked her for help during a deal he made and she agreed only for the other party to target her as leverage against Aventurine. He still remembers the pain in her eyes as she looked at him, confused and hurt from how she became the target. He remembers holding her in his arms apologising over and over for his lack of foresight, unable to figure out where he went wrong.

It was the first and last deal he ever lost. And now you, his new partner after several hard years of grief, were bringing up old wounds that never healed. Gaps of his heart that nothing would ever fill. Another tear rolls down his eye as he grits his teeth further. Had he known you would bring her up like this, he would have never told you about her. It’s always the closest ones that hurt you the most. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

#honkai star rail #hsr x reader #blade x reader #hsr blade #hsr angst #blade angst #blade x female reader #aventurine #hsr aventurine #aventurine honkai star rail #aventurine x reader #aventurine hsr #star rail aventurin #musingwithmaiya #tumblr asks

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imthebadguyyy · 1 year

Text

Something Just Like This

pairing - charles leclerc x reader

fandom - f1

synopsis - a reflection on your relationship.

part - i (part ii)

warnings - talk about death, leukemia, badly translated french and the events may not be in order.

a/n - felt guilty for being away for so long so here's a wee little bit of a fic to make up for it!! all my love, always ♥️

when you were five,your dad had taken you to a go kart track in monaco, to watch a race with his childhood best friend, herve. having previously lived elsewhere, your trip to monaco with your parents was tremendously exciting, and you had nearly tripped over in your excitement at visiting a new country, and possibly making new friends. your dad had told you, "my friend has 3 sons himself, I'm sure you'll all get along very well"

so, you went, clutching your raggedy anne doll in one hand, and your model ferrari in the other, excitedly chattering away to your mummy and papa, eventually falling asleep on their shoulders.

when you awoke, you found yourself on a strange bed, with neither your doll nor your car beside you, and your parents seemed to have vanished too. the easy tears that had always been ready to spring to your eyes did their job, and your bottom lip began to wobble.

just before you could burst into tears, a pretty lady with kind eyes looked in at the door, and upon seeing your trembling lip, walked in with a soft coo.

"ma cherie, don't cry. are you looking for your maman and papa?" she asked, sitting down beside you.

"yes I am, do you know where they are?" you asked, rubbing your eyes with the back of your hand as you spoke. "yes cherie, they're here, in the living room. im pascale, your parents friend! my husband, herve, is your dad's friend. come, let me introduce you"

and so you followed her to the living room, clutching into her finger for dear life, and the moment you spotted your parents, you ran to your mama, clambering into her lap and hiding your face in her hair.

"hello! are you y/n?" a little boy asked, with messy dark hair a sweet smile. you nodded, looking at him curiously. "I'm Lorenzo, but you can call me enzo!" he said with a smile. "hello" you mumbles softly, taking in your surroundings.

you took in the pretty apartment, with the bright sunlight and the pretty paintings, before something on the floor caught your eye.

there was another boy on the carpet, with brown hair and green eyes, who had in his clutch your missing ferrari toy.

"hey thats my car!" you exclaimed, sliding off your mother's lap to sit on the floor"

"that can't be your car, girls don't play with cars!" the boy exclaimed, holding it close.

"now charles, of course they can! and that is y/n's car so why don't you ask her if you can play with it together?" pascale interrupted, sensing a fight about to break out

"ok, im sorry y/n, can we share this car please? i love ferrari!" he exclaimed, flashing you a bright smile, and it was at that moment that your little five year old heart fell hard for the boy.

the two of you spent the afternoon together, playing with your ferrari and all his other cars, and laughing and giggling with lorenzo, and also playing with baby arthur.

your parents watched with smiles, realizing their children were forming life long bonds.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

no one could have foreseen how you would be joined at the hip forever after that. your parents moved to monaco for a job your dad got, and you started living just down the block from the leclerc's. that meant Saturday night dinners at either of your houses, and lazy Sundays spent at the beach or at go kart races.

you even went to the same school as the boys, with either of your parents picking you up and dropping you off.

as the years passed, you and charles got closer and closer, and it was a rare occasion where you weren't stuck at the hip.

you found in him the best friend you always wanted, funny, kind and caring, and always ready to have your back, something he proved on the very first day of school, when he punched a kid who pulled on your pigtails.

his parents weren't happy but when a tearful charles explained that "i couldn't let him hurt y/n/n!! i love her!!" pascale softened and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"you love her, do you?" she asked with a chuckle, when the boy nodded furiously. "she's my best friend, nobody should make her upset" he said determinedly, making his dad chuckle too.

"ok, mon fils, tu n'as pas de problèmes"

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･

on your sixteenth birthday, the leclercs joined your family for a special dinner on the beach. your dad rented a yacht and you guys had spent the day sailing on it, and trying to catch fish and swimming in the blue water. you had all laughed and screamed and lorenzo had taught you how to do a proper cannonball into the water. your mother's had scolded him for teaching you such unladylike things, and he in turn said "but she's y/n! no one's expecting her to be ladylike!" at which point you had dunked him in the water.

you tuckered each other out by swimming around, and participating in a chicken fight with the leclercs. it was you in charles' shoulder, and arthur on lorenzo's. of course, you won.

it reminded you of when you were children, always together, always messing around in some way or the other. but with Charles spending more and more time racing, you got to see the leclercs much lesser than you'd have liked to.

so communication with Charles became through letters, written to him when he went out of the country to race, with his dad and brother. pascale was a regular visitor but meeting charles had become something to be cherished, what with you busy trying to get auditions to be a singer.

in the years that had passed, you and charles had become extremely close, meeting each other whenever possible and becoming each others support system whenever the other needed it. so of course it was fitting that he was your designated best friend, your confidante, your favourite leclerc (but we won't tell arthur that)

so that night after dinner, when charles suggested you take a walk together on the beach, you thought nothing of it. not until he pulled out a small bracelet he had made, out of seashells, that you gasped, leaping into his arms for a tight hug.

"i want you to have something to remember me by when I go racing, ma jolie, i know I'm not always around, but this way you'll always have a piece of me with you, even if I'm not there" he whispered, dropping a small kiss you your forehead.

gentle kisses and hugs and touch were not unusual for you, it was your love language and it always had been, ever since you were kids.

but there had always been a lingering crush you had on him (and him on you but we'll talk about that later) and you felt your belly burn red hot when his lips dropped to your cheek.

you pulled him in close for a hug, hand running through his hair, freshly cut by his mother.

"merci, ma vie" you whispered, pressing a kiss to his wrist, and as the both of you stayed there, your head on his shoulder, his head on yours, cozy on a rug he had stolen, watching the beautiful monaco sunset, you swore you had never loved anyone as much as you had in that moment.

and charles realized it too, looking over at you, and how the sunset cast a golden hue on your mesmerizing eyes, and the way your hair shimmered softly, and your skin glowed bright, and he swore he had never seen a sight prettier, and his little teenage heart fell a little harder for the five year old who worse pigtails and loved ferrari as much as he did.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

however, your story wasn't always just sunshine and rainbows. when you were seventeen, your dad was diagnosed with leukemia.

the news came as a shock to you, especially when the doctor told you, he did not have strong chances of recovery even with the proper surgery and treatment. you'd never forget your mother's wail, as she sobbed over your father's fate, and how pascale and herve were there for her through it all, but for you, you couldn't breathe.

you ran to the park, crawling under the slide set, your breathing harsh and shallow. your eyes were blurring and every breath sent a sharp pain shooting down your chest. around you, the world seemed to spin and you closed your eyes, drawing your knees in, and begging your brain to stop, and pressing a hand to your chest.

before you knew it you were gasping, every gasp making you more and more dizzy, and your heart seemed to be banging against your chest to get out.

"am i dying?" you thought to yourself, labouring gasps echoing in the darkness.

"and am i hearing things?" you also asked yourself, because you could have sworn you heard charles' voice.

and lo and behold, he appeared, panting and sweaty, sinking down next to you, grabbing your sweaty hands in his own and pushing his forehead down to yours.

"cherie? ma jolie? regarde-moi s'il te plaît, regarde-moi. maman told me what happened. please cherie, breathe for me, i need you to breathe. peux-tu respirer pour moi?" he begged, rubbing your back slowly and pressing kisses to your nose.

slowly, your breathing slowed down, but as it did, tears began to stream down your face, and ugly sobs wracked your body.

Charles felt his heart break, watching the strongest girl he knew break down in his arms, tears and sweat pooling on his shirt as you sobbed.

"i know, Cherie, i know" he whispered, his own eyes glazing over. he loved your dad as much as your dad loved him, and he couldn't believe it when his mother told him the news. he pulled you in even closer, so you were straddling his lap, and kept rubbing your back, whispering sweet nothings to you.

"papa, il va mourir et il va nous laisser maman et moi seules" you wailed into his shoulder and he shushed you gently.

"no no no, cherie, listen to me, please?" he asked, pulling your chin up, heart breaking when he saw your red eyes and runny nose.

you nodded slowly, still hiccupping, but letting him pull you into his chest.

"y/n, i cannot tell you what the future holds for your papa. but I can promise you that you and mama will never be alone, ever. even if the day comes when we have to say goodbye to your papa, you will never, ever be alone, not while I am there, not while maman is there, not while papa is there, and not while lorenzo and arthur are there. you are my family, y/n, and family sticks together. I'm here for you, always" he whispered.

you looked at him, your heartbroken eyes looking into his sincere green ones, seeing the same pain reflected in them. and in that moment, you knew it was right when you leaned in, and he did too.

your lips met that cold, dark, rainy evening, under the shade of the slide set in the park, but your souls had intertwined when you were five, and you could have sworn you had never felt more alive than you did at the moment.

and while your heart broke and sagged with the weight of losing your father so soon, it also ached with love at having charles with you. so when you drew back, still tasting, the salty tears you both had shed, he pulled you back in for a tighter hug.

"toujours là pour toi cherie, toujours."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you lost your dad the following year, in 2016, and charles was by your side at the funeral, watching you cry as you placed a white rose on his casket.

you had never spoken about that kiss again, and neither of you had thought it was the right time to bring it up in the months that followed.

charles watched as your mother, the woman he so admired, crumbled before him, lost without her guiding light. is that how it would ever be if you ever lost him?

the fear that coursed through his heart shocked him. he couldn't imagine what it would be like, to loose someone he loved so dearly.

his father had taken over as a surrogate father for you, and constant support for your mother. but the leclercs knew something that you didn't, their father wasn't keeping very well either, but no one had the heart to tell the l/n's, not when you were already suffering through so much.

after the funeral, there was a small tea at your own house, but you couldn't bear to be there. so at the first opportunity, you slipped away, leaving your mother in pascales care.

you ran, not caring where, until you found yourself at the beach. you sat down, pulling off your shoes and throwing your hat away, before sinking down on your knees to the sand.

you sobbed, salty tears dripping down your face, holding the locket your dad gave you in your hands, and once again, a familiar smell filled your nose as a warm body settled in next to you. charles.

"hi cherie" he whispered, wrapping an arm around you.

"hello" you whispered, mustering up a small smile.

"ma courageuse fille" he whispered softly, making you giggle and sob at the same time.

"i have to be strong for maman" you admitted. "she has no one but me in this world anymore" you whispered, eyes blurring again.

"she has us, always" charles said determinedly. "and we aren't going anywhere" he said, taking your hand in his.

and as the sun set once again, you reminicsed about a simpler, sweeter time, when you and charles where carefree and innocent, not scarred by life and it's harsh realities.

there was something special in that sunset, you noted, resting your head on charles shoulder again. perhaps your papa was trying to indicate that charles was the one for you.

but at the moment, sitting by the beach, in a moment of joined sorrow, you had never felt more human.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

with charles growing success in f2, and you finally getting a record deal, life was going well.

until you were told that herve was not doing well. denial flooded your brain. no. how was this possible? how could god take both the father's in your life to disease and illness?

you screamed and wailed and cursed, too stung, too bitter, about life.

and then the day came, in 2017. when pascale called you sobbing and lorenzo came to your door knocking wildly.

"c'est papa,il ne se réveille pas !! tante laura, qu'est-ce qu'on fait?!'

your mom was out the door in an instant and you followed, following a heartbroken lorenzo to the door of the house you knew so well.

you could hear pascales wails before you even reached, and the easy tears rose again but you forced them down.

you had to be strong for your second family, and with a deep breath, you pushed the door in.

what you saw broke you.

charles, sobbing on the sofa, head in his hands, while arthur sat next to his mother, in tears.

your mother dealt with all the formalities but you stuck to charles, letting him cry into your shoulder, holding him the hold day, whispering how much you loved him and how sorry you were to him, and promising him that he wasn't alone.

you comforted arthur too, holding the boy in your arms, wrapping him in the tightest hug.

you had never felt more respect for Lorenzo, ever the big brother, tears streaming down him face, even though he stayed so strong for his family.

later that evening, you held charles in their balcony, wrapped in a blanket that you had knitted for him.

"i feel so hollow, so empty" he admitted, burying his face deeper into your neck, trying his best to stay grounded by inhaling the scent of your perfume.

"i feel as if a piece of my heart has been snatched away and I'll never be okay again" he admitted, tears filling his eyes for the hundredth time that day.

"i know, charles, believe me I know" you whispered softly to him, running your hands through his hair, "but a wise boy I know once told me, that I was never ever going to be alone. he told me 'even if the day comes when we have to say goodbye to your papa, you will never, ever be alone, not while I am there' and today charles, I am saying the same to you. i know that it hurts like anything right now and that pain will never go away"

"feel that pain charles. it's what makes you human, ma vie,and i know it hurts. but I am here for you. take out all your pain and I will be there to catch you when you fall. i will be there to put you back together when you fall apart. i am here for you ma vie, always" you whispered to him, and he choked out a sob, curling himself into you, never more sure of his love for you.

"i lied and told him I got the ferrari seat" he finally choked out, and with a soft whisper of "oh charles" you pulled him in close.

there it was.

the reason why he felt like his soul was being eaten up inside.

"charles, mon coeur, i promise, you will get that ferrari seat. it will be soon, and you will have kept that promise to your papa, i have a feeling mon coeur, that your future in formula 1 will be as bright and shiny as you, and you are going to get everything you deserve, i know you will"

and he chose to take solace in your words.

just like he took solace in your soul.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

you made your formula 2 debut alongside charles at Baku that year. everyday you were left more in awe of the powerful force that he was, ready to race in less than a week, because he felt he owed it to the man who made him who he was.

so you told him you'd go with him, be his support and be there for him when he needed you to most.

and you were left spellbound yet again, at his talent, his resilience, his drive, his passion.

p fucking 1. at a race that meant the world to him.

and as he ran towards you after, body colliding with yours so hard you swear some of your bones snapped, you told him everything you had to in your embrace.

rough racing gloves on delicate skin, frenzied pulling closer and harsh breathing. thats all you remembered from the moment, looking deep into his emerald ,knowing the media was having a field day.

"I'm so so so so proud of you so fucking proud" you whispered. "and i know your dad is too" you continued, pressing a small kiss to his helmet.

when he stood on the podium, tears streamed down your cheeks. you were so so so proud of him.

and as he looked down at you, he smiled, knowing you were always going to be his brightest star.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Charles' journey is formula 1 started with Sauber but you knew for a fact that he wouldn't stay there.

when kimi announced he was leaving ferrari, you called charles and screamed into his ears "YOURE GOING TO GET THAT FUCKING SEAT MARK MY WORDS" and he had simply chuckled saying he was hoping for the best.

so when in the middle of recording a song, your phone rang with charles' name, you dropped everything you were doing and picked up the phone.

"je l'ai fait. j'ai eu le siège"

"quoi?"

"le siège ferrari. j'ai compris. c'est à moi. je vais être pilote de ferrari pour 2019"

the scream you let out was so loud your producer jumped out of his skin.

"I'm so proud of you!! J'ai toujours su que tu l'aurais, tu mérites le monde et plus encore!!" you screamed, tears streaming down your face and you heard charles laugh.

"merci, mon cherie. i will celebrate with you soon" he chuckled.

"obviously you will!! I'll be home soon, let me just finish this album first and then I am all yours" you laughed.

oh how you longed to be all his. it's all you'd ever wanted since you were a teenager.

charles' heart ached.

oh how he longed for you to be all his. it was all he'd ever wanted since he was a teenager.

later that day, you wrote the song feels like.

social media had a breakdown.

charles had a breakdown.

but that's mainly because he'd rather you wrote a love song about him.

unbeknownst to him, you had atleast a 100 lovesongs written about him.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

clicking your pen for the hundredth time, you let out a sigh.

this songwriting thing was so frustrating.

it seemed like you had a billion ideas but nothing compact came out of it.

with a deep sigh, you let your hand crash against the piano, letting the discordant notes ring in your apartment.

but the ending caught your attention.

humming, you grabbed your pen again, jotting down, scribbling down all the things you wanted to say but never would.

being a singer had always been, and just as charles was flourishing in his career, you were flourishing in yours. you had already won a grammy for your album 'nostalgia' and had won amas, Brit awards, and 2 vma awards.

'the rising star of pop' was what they affectionately called you.

you had stunned the world with your versatility and range and the depth of your songs. ballads like gravity and last kiss had shown your emotional depth. songs like when I get there and make you feel my love had showing your delicate, romantic, vulnerable side. songs like happier reflected your pain.

your song fat funny friend had shot you into the global scene when you released it as a single. millions of fans wrote to you, thanking you for being vulnerable so others could feel seen.

and of course, no one picked up on the secret ballads for charles, pinning it down to young love and romance that was usual for all people your age.

so as you finally finished the song and smiled, you knew they wouldn't guess for this one either.

but you would know.

and so you sent it to be your next single.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

summer break rolled around, and you had a new mission - confessing your feelings for charles.

you were sure the timing was right.

you had to tell your best friend in the whole world that you were madly in love with him.

you told pascale, who squealed and told you "welcome to the family officially!!' earning a laugh from you.

"let me tell the boy first maman, then I'll tell you what he says"

"of course he'll say he loves you too! i know my son cherie, he's been in love with you since you were children, he's just too stupid to do anything about it" she joked affectionately and you laughed.

"j'espere que tu as raison maman. i love him very much" you admitted, blushing a little.

"of course darling. come to dinner tonight, everyone will be there, you can tell him then" she smiled, and you got up to go get dressed, pressing two kisses to her cheek.

back home, you nervously scouted your cupboard to see what you could wear. you showered and washed your hair, and put on a red dress that charles had gifted you when he got his seat.

smiling at the memory, you put on your makeup, did your hair and took a deep breath.

you were really going to do it. you were going to tell the man you had loved your whole life that you loved him.

the drive to the leclercs house was nerve wracking, and ringing the doorbell to their home was even more nerve wracking. you saw lorenzo there already, and he rose to greet you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"how are you y/n? i haven't spoken to you in a long time no?" he asked, sitting down next to you.

"I'm good enzo, very busy with recording. howve you been? I'm sorry i haven't been keeping in touch, I've just been very busy" you apologised, feeling guilty for not spending a lot of time with the oldest Leclerc.

"don't be silly, soeur, i understand you are busy. and your music, it's been a joy to listen to. you're truly a talent, ma belle" he said, and you could feel yourself getting emotional.

"aw, enzo, meri beaucoup, votre avis est très important pour moi" you said, giving him another hug.

he poured you a glass of wine, a small smile playing on his lips.

"so, is tonight finally the night?" he asked with a smirk, remembering how smitten you were for his brother.

you blushed, taking a sip of your wine to cover for it.

"yes, I'm going to tell him tonight" you admitted and he flashed you a warm smile of encouragement.

"Tell who what?" a voice interrupted, and the youngest leclerc plopped himself down next to you.

"y/n/n's going to tell charlie she loves him" lorenzo stated matter of factly, making you Tut and whack his arm.

"quoi? are we not telling arthur?" he asked, feigning hurt.

"i was going to tell him" you whined and then you turned to arthur.

"you must swear to not bring this up until it's over okay?" you told arthur, trying and failing to be stern.

arthur pretended to be hurt.

"of course I won't? what do you take me for, a gossip box?"

"yes" you and lorenzo chimed in unison.

arthur gasped dramatically, making you roll your eyes.

"do you really think that low of me?" he asked, pretending to cover his eyes in agony.

"yes, now shush, i think i heard the bell ring" Lorenzo said, getting up to open the door.

you bit your lip nervously, preparing for charles to walk in the day.

and he did. he looked gorgeous as ever, in a shirt the cover of deep red wine, hair tousled by the wind on his drive, but his eyes and smile were as bright as ever.

your heart started beating so fast you swore you almost had a heart attack.

but nothing could have prepared you for what he said next.

"everyone, i want you to meet charlotte"

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

a/n - aaaand drum roll please 🥁 cliffhanger!!

i promise i won't leave you hanging but this was getting too long and it needed some ✨spice✨ i know this wasn't the best and the timeline wasnt cohesive but I needed to get this out of my system so pls go easy on your girl.

feedback, comments,opinions, reblogs and likes are always appreciated 🩷

hope you had a good read!! much love always xoxo

taglist -

everything - @hopefulinlove @bluesongbird @roslastyles420

f1 - @theonly1outof-a-billion

to be added to the taglist send me an ask, dm or comment 🩷

masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

#Charles Leclerc #charles leclerc #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x y/n #Charles Leclerc imagines #Charles Leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagine #f1 #formula 1 #f1 imagines #f1 drivers x reader #f1 drivers #f1 fanfiction #f1 x reader #cl #cl16

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thefaithfulnightwriter · 3 months

Text

Dracontine - Chapter Three

[^ the gif above i found on Pinterest so rights go to rightful owner ^]

❝ She is very rare. She is what you call a Dracontine. Meaning she belongs to a dragon. But in her case, she does not belong to one but three. ❞

Summary - In which a young female hides who she truly is from everyone and stays to herself. Keeping to her chores as a servant. Staying hidden was her main task while taking care of her three dragon eggs that were bound to her. But many things change when she has to stay Under the Mountain with many others. What she didn't expect was that she would meet her mate. Who happened to be the powerful High Lord of Night Court. Then soon later on she would find she has another powerful mate. The Spymaster of Night Court who was a Shadowsinger. She soon finds herself having to break out of her shell with the help of her mates and their family. Along with finding out how to navigate two bonds with two powerful mates. Also, while taking the title as Dracontine. Being she is the one who belongs to not one but three dragons. All while trying to survive a war.

Pairing - Rhysand x Female!Oc/Mc/Reader x Azriel

Universe - pre acotar - acowar [it may go into an au after acowar not sure yet though]

Series Warnings - DRAGONS (yes that is a warning lol), Gore, Death, Characters may be a bit OOC, Mature Themes, Semi Smut, Violence, Language, Mention of Past Abuse, War, Things Will Be Changed, Fluff, Angst, Some Sensitive Subjects, Mating Bonds, Poly. Relationship MxFxM (Side Note - Rhysand & Azriel are in a relationship or are mates to my Mc they will not be together), More Will Be Added If Needed. (Please do not read if these are triggers)

Disclaimer - I do not own the series ACOTAR - ACOWAR. I do own certain characters, and I own my mc. I do own somethings that are made up. And i own my writing and whatnot you get where im going and what i am saying lol.

Authors note - hi hi i hope you all are doing well and i hope you enjoying this fic as much as i enjoy writing it. oh and I just wanted to let you know that there are two more spots left for the taglists. other than that i hope to hear what you think so far of Dracontine lol bybbyyee.

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As Rhysand winnowed them both to wherever. Anna felt the familiar darkness engulf them. Leading Anna to close her eyes. When the feeling of winnowing diminished, she opened her eyes. Which revealed a huge living area. Looking around she was met with a vast room. It seemed to be ten times bigger than her small room in the servant quarters. What caught her attention though were the colors. The room was filled with little colors of the Night Court here and there. Anna figured that it must be his living area where he stayed Under the Mountain.

But her attention was soon taken away from the large room. The clicking noise and clicking sounds a little distance away. A sound of glass clicking together. Turning she was met with Rhysand walking over to stand next to two female fae servants that were walking into the room. They were twins. They were carrying trays of what seemed to be tea. Anna was quick to walk to them seeing if they needed help. Remembering them to be Nuala and Cerridwen servants of the Night Court. Having seen them in passing mainly. But the three would always say soft hellos to each other and send small smiles to one another. When seeing each other around.

The twins were quick to decline her offer to help and sent her warm smiles. As they set up a place in the living area for Rhysand and Anna to sit and speak. Both were curious about the servant that their High Lord was so interested in. Over time both have been keeping an eye on Anna from afar. Reporting back to Rhysand like he had asked of them and would inform him about Anna. Not telling anyone other than Rhysand what they had found out about her.

Both having found out and knew how Anna was having a hard time with rumors and what not. They knew she was hiding something but didn't know what. They don't know if it was bad or good. But they had a feeling it wasn't bad. They had told their High Lord their feelings. Which Rhysand took into consideration.

The two thought Anna was interesting. They wanted and would have befriended Anna. But they decided not. Not yet anyways. They didn't want Anna to think they were just befriending her because of their High Lord. They wanted it to come naturally and wanted their friendship to be genuine. So they were waiting for the right time to befriend her. Which they hoped it would be soon. Seeing that their High Lord was now about to speak to her. They were soon done setting up everything.

"Thank you Nuala and Cerridwen. That is all for the night. You may go to your quarters and rest," Rhysand dismissed them with a small tired smile. The two bowed their heads to him then sent both him and Anna a smile before leaving. As they left Rhysand walked to the long couch and sat down sinking into the soft cushions with a heavy sigh. As he placed Anna's bag down beside him gently on the ground.

While he did so Anna watched with worry and curiosity. She was curious about the High Lord of Night Court. Having heard many things about him from the servants that gossip. She didn't want to believe it though. He didn't seem like the man from the rumors. She knew of some of the things he had done. But looking at him now. Really looking at him now. Seeing that he seemed to let down a mask. He just seemed to be... tired, sad, and lonely. But there were many more emotions upon his face that Anna couldn't read. As she looked at him now through her lashes. But she shook those thoughts away.

Because she was still waiting. Waiting for the words to come out of his mouth. Waiting for the rejection. Yes, she didn't believe the rumors about him. But she still was convinced he didn't want her. She thought, what High Lord would want a servant for a mate. As Anna thought this Rhysand looked at her and she was quick to look down at her feet again. Looking at her led to Rhysand sighing again seeing her in such a state.

"Annamarie, will you come sit with me please," Rhysand asked her softly. Anna was shocked to hear such gentleness from him. But with hesitance Anna shuffled on her feet and soon made her way to sit next to him. Keeping a distance from him. She still couldn't bring herself to look at him. Because she knew the rejection was coming soon. So she sat there waiting once again. As she kept her head down fiddled with the fabric of her dress.

As she was looking down Rhysand was sitting there with his gaze upon her. His gaze was intense as he took her in. He thought she was the most beautiful fae he has ever seen. He couldn't take his eyes off her. The way her light brown skin glowed under the soft light. He could see a few small freckles that littered the skin upon her face. He wanted to trace and connect them like constellations.

He was then taking in the way her dark chocolate curly hair cascaded down her back falling to her lower waist. He wanted to run his fingers through her long hair and twirl a curl around his finger. But as he took in her hair he stopped at her ear that was revealed peeking through her hair. It was pointed but rather long. Longer than your average fae. Reaching out his hand he slowly went to push her hair away. He wanted to see her fully. But he stopped seeing her flinch away from his touch. But he soon sighed hearing what she said next.

"Please g - get it over w - with. and let me have m - my bag back. P - please I - I won't tell anyone," Anna stumbled over her words. Still not looking at him as more tears began to fall again down her chubby cheeks. Anna was quick to wipe them away roughly with her sleeves. Causing her cheeks to become red. Which caused Rhysand to grab her wrist. He didn't want her to hurt herself.

"Darling, what do you mean 'get it over with'?" Rhysand asked with a tilt of his head. As he looked into her dark eyes. He was wondering what she meant by 'get it over with'. He was also wondering why this bag was so important to her. But that thought washed away when he heard a soft painful sigh escape her lips. He watched as she let her head fall in defeat.

Then it came to him which led him to let out a hard breath. She thought he was going to reject her. Reject their bond. Which he wouldn't dream of. He has waited so long for her, for his mate. It broke his heart that she thought he was going to reject her. After biting his lower lip, he sighed again.

Before slowly shuffling closer to her on the sofa. Diminishing the space between them little by little. He could hear her heartbeat fast as he did. Which led to a small smile to grow upon his lips. As he gently took her chin between his fingers and made her look up at him. As soon as their eyes met he spoke firmly but gently.

"I'm not going to reject you Annamarie. You're my mate. The one the Mother tethered me to. I'm not letting you go. I'm never letting you go. Not after I've waited more than a half of a millennium for you. My darling Anna. My Mate," Rhysand reassured her, resting his forehead against hers as he spoke.

Hearing his words caused Anna to breathe a sigh of relief. Listening to him and what he had to say caused a sense of ease to wash over her. Seeing her calm led Rhysand to smile. But he wanted nothing more but to wrap his arms around her. Making up his mind he hesitantly began to wrap his arm around the curve of her waist. Pulling her closer to him. Hoping she wouldn't pull away from him.

Anna was tense at first but soon felt herself relax in her mates arms. She soon allowed herself to fall deeper into his strong arms. Resting her head against his chest listening to his heartbeat that was slightly quick. Hearing it caused her to close her eyes with a smile as she listened. Rhysand had a smile upon his lips.

Until dark thoughts started to tumble into his mind. Did she even want him as a mate? Did she want him after all he's done? Will she walk away when he told her of all he's been through these years? What would she do if he told her about Amarantha's cruel treatment towards him? What was he going to do if his mate truly didn't want him?

Maybe there would be a time where she just didn't want him because of everything he's done. That this was just a one time thing and after she left she wouldn't want anything to do with him.

Thinking this caused Rhysand's breathing to become heavier. Which led Anna to lean back in his hold and look up at him. She had a curious look upon her face as she asked him if he was okay. But he didn't respond, he just looked away from her with a shake of his head. He was trying not to let the tears fall. As his mind was flooded with his own dark thoughts. Anna wanted so badly to reach out to him. But she didn't want to overwhelm him. So she waited patiently. It was moments later when Rhysand whispered with such sadness.

"Do you even want me as your mate Anna? I understand if you don't. I mean I've done terrible things while here. You probably think I'm a monster. Just - ," Rhysand asked her before he began to ramble. Then he started to come to the sense that she wouldn't want him.

He was so stuck in his dark thoughts that he started to pull away from her as he spoke. But he was stopped when Anna grabbed his hand. Causing him to flinch. Anna saw this and sighed sadly. She didn't expect him to have such thoughts. And she didn't like it. She wanted to reassure him. But she didn't know what to do to comfort him.

So she looked around trying to think of what to do. Until a thought came to her mind. Still keeping a hold of his hand she shuffled back and laid down. Pulling him with her to lay on top of her. Rhysand was hesitant but did so. He was tense at first much like her. But he soon felt himself go slack into her arms. As he laid his head on her chest. He soon felt her caress his ebony hair gently between her delicate fingers. She then whispered to him. As she wrapped her arms around him pull him closer to her.

"As you said to me I'll never let you go. As long as you'll have me I'll always be here for you Rhysand," Anna promised him. As she kissed the top of his head. Hearing Rhysand mumble 'I'll always want you'. This caused Anna to giggle as she ran her fingers through his hair softly and over his back. She could now see him. She could see him, not the High Lord of Night Court. But she could see Rhysand. She smiled realizing this and was happy that he was being himself with her. Not having what seemed like a mask over him with her. Like she knew many of the other High Lords had adopted while being Under the Mountain.

The two mates had smiles on their lips as they laid in each other's arms. Laying there both allowed a peaceful silence to wash over them. As they enjoyed each other's presence. Both stuck in thought. While in each others embrace. Anna thought about what she was going to do now with a mate by her side. She then thought how was she going to tell him about her being the next Dracontine. Rhysand was thinking of what he was going to do to keep his mate safe while Under the Mountain.

But then another thought soon came to Rhysand again. He looked down to the ground, finding that Anna's bag was still there. He was wondering why it was so important to her. He didn't want to pry. But he wanted to ask her about it. If he was going to keep it in his room. For safekeeping, and so there was no redo of what happened tonight. He wanted to know why it was so important to her.

So with curiosity he sat up as he had his gaze upon the bag. Anna sat up as well but leaned her back against the arm of the sofa. Looking at him with wonder. Wondering what he was doing. Until he reached down a hand and went to grab the brown clothed bag that seemed to be spelled.

Anna sighed and bit her lower lips nervously seeing what he was reaching for. Her eyes stayed on his hand and her bag that held her three dragon eggs. Rhysand saw this and was more curious than ever.

Anna wanted so desperately to take the bag away from him. But she wanted to try and trust him. He was her mate after all. Anna knew she would have to explain everything to him. With her being the next Dracontine. He needed to know what she was. He was her mate. He had the right to know. Being it could be dangerous for him. She also didn't want to start their relationship as mates off with lies and distrust. She was still hesitant to tell him though. Her attention was taken from the bag and his hand when Rhysand spoke.

"Anna darling, what is in this bag exactly?" Rhysand questioned her. As he looked at the bag then at her. Putting the bag on his lap. Hearing his question caused Anna to sigh again. Looking away from him, placing her eyes on the wall behind him. Before dropping her gaze on the bag.

She wanted to tell him. But didn't know where to start nor how to tell him.That was when a thought came to her mind... her mark. Her hand soon reached up to her chest thinking of her mark that was covered by her high collared dress.

The burnt skin on her chest. The burn mark of a dragon flying took up her chest. That was her dragon mark she obtained when finding her dragon eggs and touching them. Then she thought of her ears that she hid with her ears. Then her small fangs that no one seemed to notice because she barely smiled widely showing her teeth.

All the physical signs signifying she was the next Dracontine. So she thought why not show him all these things first. Then see his reaction. Then go on from there. She thought that was the easiest way to do it. At that moment she wondered what he thought of dragons. Which led her lips to rise in a small smile as she looked up.

Looking up at him and into his violet eyes they looked to be sparkling with stars under the light. She was debating if she really wanted to show him. When she saw his reassuring smile she knew she would share her secret with him. With her mate.

Seeing her gaze upon him Rhysand sent her a reassuring smile and watched her. He could tell that she was having trouble telling him. So he sat back and crossed his arms and waited patiently with a small smile.

That is until he saw her reach up and place a hand on her chest with a sigh and a thoughtful look. He watched as she looked at him then reached up and started to unbutton the top of her dress. This caused him to tilt his head with wonder. Curious about what she was doing. Anna then stopped once the top of her dress was unbutton and held the dress in place.

Hiding the mark as she looked at him once again. All she saw was wonder and reassurance in his eyes. Which led her to nod before letting go and allowing the front of her dress to fall. Then she pushed the dress away and revealed her dragon mark.

Rhysand was clueless as to what she was doing. That is until he saw it... the burn mark on her chest. He was suddenly filled with anger. Thinking someone had hurt his mate. That is until he saw the full mark and what the image was. He then watched as she pulled her dark curly hair back revealing her longer pointed ears. Then finally he watched as she smiled widely. She then pointed to her teeth revealing her small fangs.

This led Rhysand to put all the pieces of the puzzle that was Anna together. His eyes grew large and his mouth dropped as he gasped loudly. As he looked at Anna with fascination and awe.

"You're a descendant of Cade. You're a Dracontine aren't you?" He questioned, as he reached out his large hand to her mark. He was going to touch it but stopped his hand mid air. Not wanting to over step.

But Anna smiled and reached for his hand. Placing it gently on her chest, on her dragon mark. Her heart seemed to beat a little faster. As a shiver ran down her spine feeling his hand on her mark. It was as if the fire within her was burning bright for the first time in a while. It was more intense now that she had her mate touch her mark... touching her.

Rhysand smiled as he heard and felt her heart quicken. But also because he could feel the heat seeming to come off the mark, off of her. He listened when she spoke but still looked at the mark with awe. As he rubbed his thumb over the mark. Enjoying the warmth radiating off his mate.

"It seems many may know about my great grandfather Cade. I'm not surprised. He is great," Anna sighed with a faint smile. Looking down at Rhysand's hand that she held close to her chest. As she thought about her grandfather Cade and Crimson. It has been a few weeks since she's seen them in her dreams. Which worried her a little. Being that he had been the only constant family figure in her life now. Even though he was dead and she only saw him in her dreams. He was still there for her. It made her miss her family even more. Rhysand could see her mood dim. Which he was quick to reach and take a hold of her hands. He was going to console her when he realized something.

"You speak as if you know him. As if he's alive. I thought he had died a long time ago," Rhysand said with curiosity. This caused Anna to look up at him. Realizing what she said.

"He did die a very long time ago. Long before you and I were even born I'm guessing. But I do know him. The Mother allows him to come to me in my dreams. He and Crimson have been in my dreams throughout my life," Anna explained with a smile. This led Rhysand to look at her in shock and fascination that the Mother would allow such a thing. That is until he wondered who Crimson was. Then it hit him. He realized who it was.

"Crimson was his dragon right?"

"Yes she is. How do you know about him? I understand my Lady knowing of him seeing that she has a fascination with dragons. And being she knows the history of Autumn Court. But you, I'm surprised. How do you know of him?" Anna asked him with her nose scrunched up with wonder. Which led Rhysand to chuckle thinking she was adorable. Before he answered her.

"I know of him from my father. I needed to know the history of Night Court. He also wanted me to know about Cade being a Dracontine. He wanted me to know of him, so if there were more. Cade had explained a few things to my father about being a Dracontine. Which he told me. Cade was also willing to make an alliance with my father. If my father allowed him, his dragon, and family take refuge in Night Court. I heard before he could reach Night Court there was an attack and he didn't make it along with his dragon. His dragon having died when Cade had taken his last breath. And also I may or may not have a fascination with dragons too," Rhysand informed as his cheeks began to warm. Hearing his last comment caused Anna to giggle. Before she noticed her bag start to slip from his lap. She was quick to catch it though.

"Hm well you may want to be careful with my bag. It was a gift from my Lady when she found out about my dragon eggs. The bag is spelled so that only I can open it. It holds my three dragon eggs right now," Anna was quick to tell. This caused Rhysand to look at the bag in awe. He then carefully handed it to Anna. This caused Anna to giggle again.

"Wait, the Lady of Autumn Court knows about you being a Dracontine, and hasn't told anyone?" Rhysand asked, sitting up straight worried about his mate's safety. Anna smiled at his protectiveness. Before waving him off with a giggle.

"We made a bargain with each other. I'll never talk about certain things she has told me, and she'll never tell anyone about me being a Dracontine. I shouldn't be telling anyone this. I have to stay hidden for as long as I can. The only reason my Lady knows is because she was there when I disappeared to find my dragon eggs and I found myself back with her after I found them. That night she gave me this bag and spelled it so only I can open it, no one else. We then made our bargain that night. But I'm telling you this because you're my mate. Since both of us aren't rejecting the bond, I don't want to start off with lies or keeping things from each other, " Anna informed him. This caused Rhysand to sigh in relief. Anna giggled again while she hugged her bag to her chest. Hearing what she said though caused Rhysand to look at her with a smile as he nodded his head agreeing with her.

After that the two were soon spending the rest of the night together. Talking and getting to know one another. Laughing and telling each other stories of their families. At one point Rhysand told Anna about Velaris. He figures that she told him her biggest secret that he would tell her his. She was also his mate so he wouldn't keep that from her. Which amazed Anna when Rhysand showed her Velaris in her mind what it was like. While Anna told him more about dragons. Things he never knew. Both listened to each other very closely and stored the information in their mind.

When the sun started to rise the next day Rhysand had made her a promise. He would keep Anna's three dragon eggs that were still in the bag safe. Also he wouldn't tell anyone about her being a Dracontine. While Anna promised to not tell anyone about Velaris. Which led Anna and him having matching inked marks appear on the inside of their wrist of a dragon and stars. Which led Anna to smile and hug him.

But as time dwindled down, they had to leave their safe haven. Their moods seemed to dim. Because they knew once they leave their haven they would have to go back to their harsh reality. Back to the reality that they were still stuck in a horrible place. They were stuck Under the Mountain. They didn't know if they were lucky to have found each other now. But all they knew was they now had each other. Realizing this caused Anna to keep her arms around his waist. Not wanting to let him go. While Rhysand kept his arms around her shoulders. Keeping her close to him. The two didn't want to leave each other. Not when they just found one another.

"You know we'll have to keep this a secret right my darling Annamarie. We can't tell anyone about us being mates. Not while Amarantha rules. I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't know what I'll do if something were to happen to you. She'll use you to get to me. She'll do horrible things to you if she finds out. And I don't want that," Rhysand whispered after he kissed the top of her head. Rest his chin atop of her head.

"Well should I - I convert to Night Court then. So t - that we can be closer o - or -," Anna stumbled over her words. She was starting to become upset at the thought of not being near her mate after she just found him. But before she could ramble she was cut off by Rhysand shaking his head.

"No. I'm sorry Anna but that will raise suspicion. Though it pains me to not be able to scream that you're my beautiful mate at the top of my lungs. To not be able to have you by my side. Just go about your day like you usually do. When night comes I will find you and come to you as much as I can. Okay my little flame," Rhysand sighed with sadness. It truly hurt him not being able to have her by his side. Now having the bond between them unveiled. Anna exhaled and nodded agreeing with him. She truly did not like this. But she knew it was for the best.

The two knew it was going to be hard because of the pull of the mating bond. But they knew they had to keep it hidden that they were mates. Rhysand wanted to protect her as much as he could. While Anna wanted to do the same for him. So they stayed in each other's arms. Until the last possible second.

Until Rhysand winnowed them back to Anna's now clean room. Before Rhysand left, he placed a long firm kiss against Anna's head. Then took her bag gently that held her three dragon eggs from her that were hanging from her shoulder. Promising again that he'll keep them safe and that he'll bring them back to her.

Anna smiled sadly before sending him a small wave before slowly and softly shutting the door behind her. The night she smiled but had tears in her eyes that fell down her soft cheeks. She was happy that she found her mate ecstatic even. But she was sad that she had to be away from him during this horrifying time. During the time of Amarantha's ruling. She just hoped that it would end her ruling so she could be with her mate. So, she could be with Rhysand freely.

───── Dracontine tag-list ─────

blackgirlmagicforever

krowiathemythologynerd

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bravo-delta-eccho

#azriel reader #azriel reader series #azriel x oc #azriel x reader #azriel x you #rhysand reader #rhysand x oc #rhysand x reader #rhysand x you #rhys acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar x reader #acotar x oc

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drdemonprince · 5 months

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Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

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clayderogatory · 15 hours

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hello everyone im not exactly sure what day it is for serennedy mini week for my mind is very school (theatre and choir) right now, but i am one to skip around so i wanted to write cute headcanons and a sort of plot for day 5 because i am silay (splish splash!)

°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡°𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 ·｡°‧ 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞·｡

Leon is a merman, Luis is a pirate. They originally met from a large storm and Leon saved Luis' life. Leon takes Luis to a island with a large cove and decides to care for him because he's never seen a human before, and he clearly wants to know more. Luis also wants to learn, and thus they learn each other's cultures and fall in love!

There's a language barrier. Leon speaks a language that only merfolk can understand, and he doesn't understand what Luis says. Therefore! Luis teaches him and thus they learn how to communicate. At first it was making little pictures or hand signs (similar to sign language) to communicate, but it evolved to speaking too.

Within Leon's culture, they are very social and very clingy creatures. They spend most of their time with other merfolk and they are very VERY cuddly. Being physically affectionate is how merfolk actually stay alive. My vision is that if they get very upset, or sad—their tails will dull and they get very droopy. If their tails turn completely black this way, they will turn into sea foam entirely. Thus, this leads to Leon getting extremely attached to Luis and always being around him, hugging him, kisses, etc.

Merfolk also have a "mating" system. They all wear necklaces and when they find someone they want to love for the rest of their lives, they exchange necklaces! If someone is rejected, their necklace fades and they can never find another mate again. It is a one and done deal. So when Leon asks Luis to mate with him, it takes a second for the idea to cross until Luis says yes and they are now bonded for life. Fish marriage!

Luis always shows Leon human trinkets. Very specifically, shiny and valuable objects. As meaningful they are to humans, they are similarly so for merfolk! "Shinies," as they call it, are very rare to come by and typically are found near shipwrecks. Merfolk are fascinated by these objects and their pupils will very much dilate like a cat. It's worth a lot and since their economy is mostly trade based, shinies go for a lot! So Luis shows all the ones he has to Leon, and how even some of them can work if it's more elaborate than jewelry.

Merfolk learn by copying! So when Luis was teaching Leon how to speak English, Leon copied how to do it to learn! So they can generally learn extremely quickly, so when Luis was asleep, Leon kept copying what he would learn so he could impress Luis!

Leon is also curious about everything! He wants to learn everything that the surface world has to offer and about Luis himself! He also loves to share his own culture and how they can differ so greatly from one another. He listens very intently to what Luis has to say and vice versa!

Because being underwater makes it hard to tell night/day, merfolk basically say happy light/dark time instead of good morning/evening. They only can tell when the waters are brighter or darker, and that's how they can determine when to sleep or not. Leon also loves to sunbathe on the shore! He can stay moisturized from the seawater and also be very warm! He always asks Luis to join him too.

Mermaids are very kind and almost very naive. Especially Leon (a lot more of an RE2R personality but amped up a bit. Leon would do anything for Luis should he so ask, but he's also very gullible and technically could be taken advantage of emotionally by others. Luis never does that and would never dare to! They're also very energetic and very playful!

Whale surfing! Merfolk ride on the backs of whales to either get around or to relax!

Leon does like to splash Luis, sometimes as a greeting, but never too severe!! Unless he's in the water, then it's free reign!

that's most of what i could think of!! i hope you enjoyed and hey if you ever wanted a fic idea, i don't mind as long as there's proper credit!! also shoutout to @j-siexoxo for also coming up with a lot of this with me!

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uselessmicrowave · 1 year

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HII i was the anon asking for a matchup hehe (both bots and cons, literally anyone) im just so interested and excited abt the matchup since its my first time doing one :DDD

Im quite short, around (5'6), i have a darker shade of green eyes (w long lashes) and long black hair with pink highlights that end around my mid back, (it's quite curly too); im very pale, and i mean "the first time they see me they tell me im a vampire" kind of pale, i have plump lips that are pink, kinda like a blushy pink! I have an ear piercing, and some snakebites, tho it's not pierced, its those ones where you can hook them on, ive also got a thing for silver rings (one is vine like and the other is a silver snake that goes up halfway on my pointer finger [i love snakes]; on my right hand tho is a single gold ring)

On how i dress, i usually do not give any fucks- literally, i just throw anything on (my usual fit is a black shirt, and some soft pants)

I'm an INTP (for some reference since i really suck at describing things) Me as i describe myself, am a very quiet person, quiet as in "my friends forgot i was in the backseat" kind of quiet, im usually a homebody, literally, another reason why i get called a vampire is that i hate sunlight, alot, i dont like going out as much as my friends do, since i hate loud and public places tho i would really be down to hangout with them whenever. I always keep to myself and refrain from ever speaking out, always observing, and just listening; but when i get closer to someone and get to know them more i usually get loud and very talkative. Even tho im always patient doesn't mean i wouldn't punch someone if they mess w me or my friends, as i could really have a high temper; on a side note, im very patient! Really im not even kidding i literally put up with someone's shit for 3 years and still going.

Hobbies or things i generally like/ like to do is art!! Mostly digital art, you'll always see me with my tablet everywhere i go, and i rarely share them as i have absolutely zero confidence, i also love to read! (Fav being tolkien books, both LoTR and TH) i also write my own stories and could be so into world building, its taking me 3 years to actually build my world properly. I love music like its not even funny; aside from seeing me w my tablet, i guarantee you'll always see me wearing earphones and jamming, im a sucker for roadtrips while i gaze outside just daydreaming and forgetting about reality (im a hardcore daydreamer). I really dont have a certain music taste since i just play whatever sounds good!!

Hello anon! I’ll match you up with TFA Prowl!

Prowl is fascinated by your piercings. How do you get one? Does it cause daily issues? How do you take care of them? What are the other kinds (He'll keep these questions to himself though, but he will encourage you if you start rambling about it or want to talk about it)?

He's also very quiet compared to the other bots, and he'd prefer to have a 'home date' or just hang out with you somewhere outside in a quiet and shady area.

Prowl is glad you get talkative when you two are alone, because he really won't speak up about anything unless it's dire or bothering him an insane amount.

He is very interested in your digital art process, he'd love to watch you draw if you'd let him.

You'll have to introduce you to your favorite authors and books if you want him to understand a specific reference/joke.

He's amazed that you had taken three years to... make a world? He doesn't completely understand but, tell him about it, please, he'd love to hear about it.

If he sees you wearing headphones/earbuds, he'll ask what song or what artist you're listening to, especially if you look like you're enjoying it.

#micro matchups #very sorry if this wasn't the continuity you wanted :/#transformers animated #tfa #tfa x reader #transformers animated x reader #prowl #tfa prowl #prowl x reader #tfa prowl x reader

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hayatoseyepatch · 20 days

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Hello darling~! Here's my second attempt at this ask. Congrats on your milestone, I'm so proud of you! I'm curious to see who I get matched with.

About Me: To start with, my pronouns are she/her and I am definitely an extrovert! I get anxious at times when in unfamiliar circumstances and I am definitely prone to overstimulation but I love being out and about with friends.

My personality is the older sister type. I worry and fret over others and I like taking care of people but I can hold my ground. I have little tolerance for disrespect and I'm firm in my boundaries. That being said, I'm otherwise fairly open-minded and easygoing. I definitely love laughing and joking with others.

I am very independent but I don't mind being taken care of or spoiled from time to time. I like to think I'm a capable, reliable person and I try to remind others to stick up for themselves and not to settle for mistreatment. There's no harm in a little selfishness, after all!

My hobbies are cooking, writing, reading, traveling, and tabletop games! I love D&D and other collaborative storytelling games a lot and getting into character is so so fun. I also love watching video essays on a wide range of topics from games to politics to obscure fandom drama. I'll watch anything if the speaker is engaging enough.

Fandom: Wind Breaker please!!

Tropes: I am a sucker for arranged marriages, mutual pining, fake dating, and friends-to-lovers. I also love a good revenge story like Marry My Husband or those ten billion "reborn as a villainess" webtoons. My favorite stories, though, are two people who are trying their best to understand and support one another and get closer thanks to a shared goal. I like "rivals to lovers" but I'm not actually a huge fan of "enemies to lovers" since it's rarely done well enough for my liking.

My Type: I need devotion and loyalty. Someone who will walk through hell for their beloved, even if their loved one would never ask that of them. My other favorite character archetypes are usually Kuuderes, people who seem emotionless on the outside but warm and kind below the surface. I also like the clever types who rely on their intelligence more than their strength. Schemers and trickster types are great fun, though I don't think I'd enjoy dating one because they're often so troublesome.

I also like characters who have their own hobbies and interests. They need to have passions outside of their romantic interest and if they have a big friend group? Even better!

Favorite Characters: My top five in Wind Breaker are Choji, Kiryu, Suo, Sako, and Endo. Though I genuinely love all the characters, even the minor ones.

Icks: I don't think I'd want to be paired up with Suo because I think he'd tease me too much. Choji and Endo also seem a bit too clingy for my liking and more than a little childish on Choji's part.

I don't want to be paired with Umemiya, if possible. He's very sweet but a bit...much for me.

I don't like overly controlling characters either. I really value my individuality and independence. Anyone who would want to limit me in any way by restricting me from seeing certain friends, wearing certain clothes, or would otherwise try to change me are a massive red flag. I want devotion, not obsession.

I think that's everything so good luck!! I'm really curious to who you end up pairing me with~!

OKAY IM SO EXCITED FOR THIS ONE MY BELOVED FOXX. The second you said you appreciated the minor manga characters I knew I wanted this pairing. But after the convo we had this morning, I’m even more excited because maybe you’ll see and appreciate the vision.

I’m going to be matching you with Shuhei Suzuri!!

⤜♡→ You both have adopted the older sibling role and I feel like there's such a mutual understanding and love from having that in common. There is the common denominator of wanting to care for each other while also being cared for in return. Always being the one those go to for guidance and assistance, it is nice to surrender that when you are both together. Being able to care and love for one another while receiving it in return.

⤜♡→ For as much as he was the former leader of Gravel he does have his moments now where he will be a bit more withdrawn with others, the insecurity of his situation and his past creeping up on him. I feel like your extroversion and tenderness is a gods sent in those moments. Taking the reins and he just simply cant help but to fall even more in love with you.

⤜♡→ He finds your strength beautiful. The way you stand for what you believe in had him swooning every single time. Your unwavering heart is what he truly fell in love with and he was truly hopeless to even try and stop it.

⤜♡→ Suzuri wasn’t afforded the opportunity to enjoy many simple things due to his upbringing. He loves letting you expand his world. I feel like he very much enjoys dnd, the creative storytelling and creativity that goes into it is something he enjoys. Having to use his imagination more than anything as kid. He is hooked onto every word from the dm looking at you with bright excited eyes as you carry out your campaign.

I just have this idea of you both working in the same restaurant. Maybe because of that one bakery au you did with SakoTia that I adore so much. The others at the restaurant where you both were had side-eyed him a bit, it was hard not to look at him a particular way after the events of the fight that night. He understood he was used to being treated differently He was here to work and build a better life for himself. However, sometimes it was hard to ignore the looks directed at him, the words said in hushed tones as he walked by. Though each time he felt himself beginning to spiral, there you were, with your beautiful laughter and gentle smile that colored his cheeks and made his heart race. He was hopeless from the moment he had first laid his eyes on you. You never treated him differently, never gave him a sideways glance or an untrusting look. He began to assume that you hadn’t heard the events that led up to getting this job.

You both were in the kitchen one night, it was slow so some of the staff was cut, leaving you both in your own quiet corner. He always loved nights like this, where he could just spend uninterrupted time with you, listening as you spoke to him about the most recent video essay you had watched. However, tonight was different. He was more withdrawn, you could practically hear the scrambled thoughts running through his mind. Before you could ask what was wrong he turned to you abruptly. He may be panicking, the fear of losing you creeping up in his chest, but he didn’t want to lie any longer he needed you to know the circumstances that led to him working here, and then if you chose to treat him like the others he would understand. But he couldn't continue to fall in love with you without you knowing the truth. “Listen, I need to tell you something.” He took a deep breath when you encouraged him to continue. “You should know I only have this job because-“ His words were suddenly cut off, your gentle fingertips resting over his lips. “I know.”

Surprise dances across his expression, his words muffled against your fingers. “You do?” He watches in shock as you giggle, nodding your head. His brows furrowed. “And you don’t think any different of me? Don think I'm a powder keg ready to explode?” He moves his hands as he speaks as if to emphasize his words. All he was greeted with was another bout of laughter from you as you shook your head. “But why?” He questions, genuinely curious, so used to being judged for his past. He watches you shrug, continuing your work of prepping ingredients as you spoke. “I didn’t know you then, but I know your character. I’m sure you had your reasons. Kanji wouldn’t have stuck his neck out for no reason and I trust his judgment, I know the you now and that’s all that matters isn’t it?” You look at him finally, that beautiful smile adorning your features once more. “Plus if you try anything, I’ll kick your ass.” You giggle before turning back to your work. His heart felt like it was attempting to escape his chest with how fast it was racing. As he returned to his own work there was a smile on his face. If he was hopeless before, he was absolutely despondent now. He was free falling and he only wanted you to catch him. Okay so I may have gotten just a wee bit carried away but this sweet boy (and you) just deserve all the love in the world and I had so much fun with this.

#sams 500 matchup event #wind breaker #sam writes

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theflowerofthecommonwealth · 2 years

Text

Power Armor Punch Part Forty Four

Masterlist

Teshteal: *defeated whisper, facing away from her* Why did you come back…? I’m not worth your life…

Nick: *running rather fast, too. He hesitates when he sees the sight*

Teshteal: *sniffs* Your father came back to collect you. *given up. Tiredly* Go…

Jasmine: (Can barely function properly anymore, she’s actually doing a combination of lip reading and listening for sounds to make out what he’s saying because both her hearing and vision are depleting) “Mamá said to protect… my siblings… I failed, they are dead…” (Reaches for his hand, tears going down her face while she closes her eyes from the pain) “She is dead, I promised… please come…”

Teshteal: And I’m protecting you by saying you shouldn’t lay here dying for a lost cause… *curls up tighter* I’ll be fine. Don’t trouble yourself over me.

Jasmine: (Squeezes his hand while she takes in a deep pained breath, forgetting that her hand is covered in cuts and blood) “Fine, be that way and stay. But I still love you and you cannot stop me… Please come visit me soon…” (Hides her face away into the dirt of the ground, unable to take the pain anymore. She feels like she’s on fire, considering that she’s used to being cold all the time it feels like literal Hell. Her heart is beating loudly in her ears, being the only thing that she can hear and blinding white flashes being the only thing that she can see)

Teshteal: *heart leaps at his hand being squeezed and he suddenly starts to cry. Whispers to himself* Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. *cursing himself for trying to push her away when this kid is the closest thing to family he’s probably ever going to get after the vault* I can’t… I can’t stay here… *rolls over and gasps when he sees her. His heart aches seeing her in so much pain* You’re going to need help getting back to Lucille. Even with Nick carrying you. *squeezes her hand*

Nick: *walks over to Jas* I doubt that-

Teshteal: *getting real sick of Nick his overprotective papa bear routine and gets to his feet* Why?! What is it about me that makes you feel like you can’t trust me?! I was a one of your colleagues before the war! Even if I sucked at my job, I ALWAYS did the best I could as a public servant! *beats his chest, getting in the synth detective’s face* “PROTECT AND SERVE” Nick- I took that oath SERIOUSLY and I still FXCKING DO! *takes his hat off revealing his messy dark brown hair* Stop treating me like scum after saving your daughter when no one else could!

Nick: *taken aback by the sudden burst of rage from the shorter man. He blinks and swallows hard while processing his words. Suddenly reminded of the first tale he told Lucille about the mayor’s daughter and how he got to be the detective he is today. Quietly, eating his own words* You’re right…

Jasmine: (Blubbers out some sobs while Teshteal is yelling, she only registers it as shouting, angry voices hovering over her. Both of her hands reach under her jacket and shirt to harshly scratch at the cuts she made on her stomach and waist earlier to help soothe herself from the stress of the situation)

Teshteal: H-huh? I am…?

Nick: Yeah… you are. I’m sorry- I haven’t been exactly fair. You saved her life. You didn’t have to but you did and I let my suspicion of the vault she came from cloud my judgement. *sighs as he bends down and scoops up his daughter. He takes her arm and wraps it around his shoulder and her other hand in one of his. While looking down at her* Jasmine really seems to care about you an awful lot. In fact, so far, you’ve been the only other person that can hold her without getting outright mauled. To think, you barely know each other. *shrugs* I pegged you wrong.

Teshteal: *starts crying because it’s so rare he’s acknowledged that he’s ever right about anything- especially after the vault*

Jasmine: (Whimpers and cries in alarm when she is lifted from the ground, going mostly quiet with stifled mutters when she senses it’s Dad who’s holding her in his arms again. She immediately snuggles close while burying her face in his coat, tears, blood, sweat, and grime caked on her face. Still can’t make heads or tails of what’s happening, just that she feels like complete burning shit and her waist area is stinging now)

Nick: *slowly turns and starts to walk back towards Lucille*

Teshteal: *stands there for a moment- his self doubt and sudden fit of crying stopping him*

Nick: *stops. Sensing the younger man isn’t following* You coming?

Teshteal: I- *whipes his face* Yeah. I’m coming, Detective Valentine. *looks down at his hat lying on the floor and picks it up, whiping off the radioactive dust. He hadn’t even noticed he threw it down. He puts it on, sliding his horns through the holes before scampering to catch up with Nick and Jas, walking along side them with a slight newfound sense of self pride. Starts to sing* We know of an ancient radiation that haunts dismembering constellations-

Nick: *chimes in* A faintly glimmering radio station~! With Frank Sinatra singin’-

Teshteal: *grins, excitedly jumping in and happy someone’s singing with him* Stormy weather, the flies and the spiders get along together~!

Both: Cobwebs on an old skipping record! *continues the song as they walk*

Jasmine: (Goes completely quiet and limp, not asleep but just kinda drifting in the void of space and time itself. She can faintly hear them singing, but it sounds more like harmonic humming to her)

Nick: *vocalizes the instruments between that section and the next*

Teshteal: *with a bounce in his step as he looks up at the sky then at the road ahead* Beyond the suns that guard this roost, beyond your flowers of flaming truth-!

Nick: *sees a burnt out billboard, almost bellowing out melodically* Beyond your latest ad campaigns!!

Teshteal: *hops over a downed power pole and helps Nick over it so he doesn’t trip while holding Jas* An old man sits collecting stamps in a room all filled with Chinese lamps-!

Nick: *after he’s over and notices the junk all around the street* He saves what others throw away- He says that he’ll be rich someDAY~!

Teshteal: *vocalizes the instruments this time, watching the road ahead and enjoying the company*

Jasmine: (Just stays in her trance unmoving, if she were more alert at the moment, she’d be smiling and giggling at the two)

Nick: *strokes Jas’s hair* We know of an ancient Radiation-

Teshteal: *swiftly cuts down a pack of mole rats that burst out of the ground* That haunts dismembering constellations! *tossing the piece of aluminum siding he used as a knife aside*

Nick: *squints at a familiar blue glint in the distance* A faintly glimmering radio station! *vocalizing again* DA! Da-da. Da! Da-a~!

Jasmine: (Clutches onto Nick tighter when he strokes her hair comfortingly, her hand around his shoulder gripping his coat)

Teshteal: We know of an ancient radiation that haunts dismembering constellations.

Nick: *thinking of the music Lucille loves to put on* A faintly glimmering radio station!

Teshteal: With Frank Sinatra- *smashes a radscorpion in the face with the concrete remains of a street sign*

Nick: Singing Stormy Weather! *ducks as Teshteal knocks the ever living hell out of a rad scorpion that popped up next to him*

Both: *as they run towards the blue power armor in the distance* The flies and spiders get along together!

Lucille: *jerks awake hearing them sing* Cobwebs on an old skipping record…?! Huh?

Teshteal: *hums the rest of the tune as Nick sets Jas down. They got there pretty quick*

Jasmine: (Makes a noise of confusion as she is set down and partly jerked out from La La world, her hands instinctively crossing over her chest and her ankles lock together. She can’t tell if this is a hallucination or reality, maybe a mix of both… She feels like she’s surrounded by at least a dozen shadows, all of them looming over her while she panics and silently prays that her Dad who was just holding her was real)

Nick: *Sits with her as she’s set down and cradles her with one arm as he pulls out yet another rag, some alcohol, and water to clean her wounds* It’s alright, doll. I’m still here. *pulls out another bottle of purified water and cracks it open, holding it to her mouth* Here. You’re probably dehydrated. *gently tilts it, enough to at least wet her lips*

Jasmine: (Tries to swat him away for half a second, then stops and takes a few tiny sips from the water. Nicks voice sounds foggy and muffled, like he’s talking from a closet even though he’s right next to her)

Nick: Let me know when you need me to stop. *keeps it tilted so it’s a very slow trickle*

Teshteal: Need any help?

Nick: Yeah. Dowse one of the rags with water for me, would ya?

Teshteal: On it. *soaks it* Now what?

Nick: Start gently cleaning her face.

Teshteal: *nods and gently dabs her face with the rag, whiping away the dirt and grime. Softly* There, Rosie… getting you all nice and clean.

Jasmine: (Can’t recognize Teshteal while in this muddled state, she can barely register Nick, she’s that disoriented. She lightly whines and pulls away while water trickles from her mouth, hiding in Nicks shoulder and curling into a ball)

Nick: Ssh… doll, it’s just Teshteal. He’s trying to help.

Teshteal: Yeah. It’s just me. *cleans what he can* It’s just… *voice falters, horrible thoughts and memories flooding his mind for a second* …me. *takes a deep breath then* You deserve to feel clean and happy. *Feigns a smile as he fends off terrible thoughts of being forgotten*

Jasmine: (Stays curled up against Nick while she clings to him, but she turns her face back to both of them. Their words still just sound like mumbling babble to her, but her Dads voice has a reassuring tone so she’s willing to peep back out just a little. Plus he’s still cradling her, he won’t let anything happen to her)

Teshteal: *rinses the rag away from her and then goes back in to gently clean up the rest of her face and neck. Softly and sweetly* You deserve to be cared for…

Jasmine: (Doesn’t respond or make any acknowledgment other than clutching her Dad tighter from around his waist while the pain comes in waves. Teshteals sweet tone does keep her at ease and helps her refrain from flinching back. That and the whirling of Nicks inner machinery and the slight hum it gives off)

Teshteal: *very carefully takes her hand and cleans them* You deserve love and feel love…

Nick: *strokes her hair again*

Jasmine: (Hisses at the stinging in her hands, hiding her face away in Dads coat while whimpering like a small child as Teshteal cleans her wounds)

Teshteal: *softly* Sorry… *whipes away the blood on her hands completely* There…

Nick: Now the disinfectant. *holds Jas a bit tighter, knowing this might send her into feral kitten mode* I’ll try to keep her still while you apply it.

Teshteal: *hard swallow. Doesn’t want to get hurt let alone hurt her. He obliges anyway, pouring the alcohol on the rag and gently pressing it to the gashes on her hands. Timidly, very apologetically* I’m sorry…

Jasmine: (Of course she starts shrieking and trashing to get away from whatever is making her hands burn and sting even more when she is hot and in pain enough as it is. At the very least this means she has not given up yet and would fight for her life when it came to it)

Nick: Ssh- It’s okay, Rosie. We have to make sure you don’t get an infection, doll. *strokes her hair some more*

Teshteal: *winces at the shrieking but manages to keep her hands and the rag clasped between his, using her thrashing against her in a way to more thoroughly disinfect the wounds* Please don’t be mad at me when you wake up.

Nick: I don’t think she’ll even remember it was you who disinfected the wound, if that helps.

Teshteal: *again. The thought of being forgotten stings him somehow and a fear ridden grin breaks out on his face* It doesn’t, but thanks for trying.

Jasmine: (Wont be mad at either of them when she wakes up, but for now shes crying and squirming under both of their hold while sweat and tears dampen her face once more)

Teshteal: *pulls out some salve from his own bag*

Nick: What’s that?

Teshteal: A special soothing salve made from plants that works wonderfully on cuts. Made it myself.

Nick: Let me see it first.

Teshteal: … *looks up at the detective, wondering if he doesn’t trust him still* Okay. *screws off the top and lets him look into it*

Nick: *sniffs and stares into the slightly opaque paste. It is indeed a salve. A strong one at that* How-?

Teshteal: I’ve been around for over a century.

Nick: Ah. *scoops some of the salve out of the jar and clasps one of Jas’s hands with one of his to apply it, letting the screaming but otherwise mostly unconscious teen do most of the work for him*

Teshteal: *does the same, hoping it’ll work on her. It certainly does for him*

Jasmine: (Continues to thrash around and hiss like the feral kitten she is in protest, getting more and more weak with her energy going down. She is so damn tired and in pain, but she’s as relentless as always)

Teshteal: *as he closes the salve* This was the only medication that would work after the vault… *pulls out the bandages and starts to wrap her hands and wrist as carefully and neatly despite Jas’s squirming*

Nick: How did you figure it out?

Teshteal: *shrugs* Some practices in my family passed down through generations- salves, balms, and food especially.

Nick: …How the hell are you so knowledgeable about this stuff and yet you can’t follow simple police protocol?

Tesheal: *can’t help but crack a sad smile* I learned some of this stuff when I was a child but a lot of it after the vault. After everyone had died and couldn’t teach me how to do it properly.

Nick: Ah. Trial and error. The two greatest teachers you can have. *wry smirk*

Jasmine: (Starts lightly kicking her feet, pressing herself against Nick as she sobs something about the pain)

Nick: I know, doll… it’ll go away soon, I hope. *takes that cloth used on her face and starts to rinse it. He pats her face down with it before ringing it out and refreshing it to cool her down again*

Teshteal: The salve should take affect in a few minutes.

Nick: Good. I might apply med-x to help ease her pain but I’m not certain that’ll help with her current condition.

Teshteal: And risk overloading her system?

Nick: … Good point.

Teshteal: *grins, right again. He feels a little more confident in himself*

Jasmine: (Clinging to her Dad as tightly as her weak arms can hold, her whole body trembling like a leaf)

Nick: It’s alright, doll. You’re safe… *holds her close again, petting her hair. Rocks her from side to side, humming that lullaby*

Teshteal: *doesn’t really recognize it but hums along with him*

Jasmine: (Her sobs slowly die down to soft whimpers, feeling a sense of peacefulness come over her)

Nick: *continues to hum, glad that the worst part of treating her is through without much incident. Honestly, now, he’s pretty thankful Teshteal was there to help with Jas*

Teshteal: *still humming along with them*

Lucille: *Fallen asleep in her power armor again*

Jasmine: (Still very warm and sweating despite calming down. Again, since she is used to being an ice princess she might as well be on fire. Kinda reminds her scrambled brain of a song… How did it go? Had to do something with Hell and ringing bells)

Nick: *keeps patting her face down with a damp cloth to cool her off*

Teshteal: *Wishes he knew what to do for her.*

Jasmine: (Cant recall the song but she knows its from Betty Boop, she can picture an animation of her dancing surrounded by flames)

Teshteal: *digs around in Nick’s bag for another rag and starts assisting with keeping her cool. He feels useless otherwise.*

Jasmine: (Wondering why the hell Betty would walk into a portal to Hell that opened up in her fireplace, kinda naïve but she did freeze the place with a cold shoulder ans stare. Froze Satan himself in fact. Heh, maybe thats why she loves Betty’s cartoons so much)

Nick: Perhaps we should remove some of her armor so she cools off?

Teshteal: In the Glowing Sea?

Nick: We aren’t really going anywhere for the night. Here. Help me get some of this stuff off of her.

Teshteal: *starts working on that*

Jasmine: (Screams VERY loudly and tries to push them both away while scrambling to get off the counter she’s on top of. She was lost in her head thinking about Betty Boop so snapping back into partial reality to feel her armor being removed without much context is blaring alarms in her head)

Nick: *urgently but firmly* Rosie! Rosie it’s okay! We’re just trying to cool you off! Promise! *takes her hand and squeezes* Dad’s right here.

Teshteal: *pulls the torso leather armor off and just that. Luckily it comes apart in pieces- Lucille modified it for cases like this- so he’s not pulling it over her head* That’s all. That’s all we’re going to remove. We’re just trying to help. *Dabs her face again with a cool wet cloth. Softly with concern in his voice. He almost sounds like a parent, himself* We aren’t going to hurt you…

Jasmine: (Calms down and goes back to clinging onto Dad with hiccuping tears once she’s again reminded of who’s with her. Her breathing picked up during the panic and she’s trembling more while trying to disappear in his coat like a frightened little kitten seeking shelter)

Nick: *hums the lullaby softly to her again*

Teshteal: *hums along with him again, gently undoing her braids and redoing them in one so less hair covers either side of her body. Thinks her hair is very pretty as he does it*

Jasmine: (Getting sleepier and sleepier as time goes on, but her body is too hyped up and uncomfortable for her to properly fall asleep. For now, she’s just enjoying the feeling of safety and care…. It’s bringing back warm prewar memories of sleepovers with friends and bedtime routines)

Teshteal: *after they’re done humming the lullaby, to Jas even though he knows she probably can’t hear him… it might help to hear someone talk* You know… when I was a kid, I used to have long hair. Not curly like this but it was long. My mom used to put it up in a ponytail or maybe tie it back with a little bun or smaller pony tail at the top with very simple ribbons. *smiles fondly at the memory* I got called a girl by other kids but I didn’t care. After reading about Samurai and Shoguns and quite a few Japanese folk tales, I pretended I was some sort of mighty warrior defending a lord or daimyo by fighting evil spirits and malicious tricksters. Should have seen me on the play ground, waving my stick like I’m trying to weild a sword. *chuckles softly*

Jasmine: (Snuffs and shuffles to try and position herself more comfortably leaning against her Dad)

Teshteal: Ah. I’m boring you. Talking about little me pretending to be a samurai. I wonder what my hair would look like in a braid like this? Probably not as messy. *nearly done* I think some warriors in the era before the Edo period did do their hair in braids. I don’t remember. *realizes he’s gone right back to talking about Samurai* Sorry…

Jasmine: (Is actually asleep now, just really uneasy as Chem hallucinations and dreams mix with real life. She’s still very much aware that Nick is holding her and someone else is nearby whom her brain has decided to label “friend” but all the other shadows are mysterious and frightening)

Nick: Hard to bore her if she’s asleep, Li- I mean Teshteal.

Teshteal: *finishes braiding her hair and sits back* I suppose… *thinking for a bit*

Nick: You’re pausing-

Teshteal: *sits up, fear flashing on his face* Sorry. I didn’t mean to.

Nick: No- it’s just when you go silent like that you seem to have a breakdown.

Teshteal: Not that in kinda pause, Detective. I was actually thinking about something.

Nick: We have time. Safer to travel during the day anyway.

Teshteal: …I wonder if I would have made a good father.

Nick: *silently looks to Jas for a second then studies him curiously* Huh.

Teshteal: No- you’re right. I would be a terrible father. Or would have been.

Nick: Not what I’m thinking at all. *gently strokes Jas’s cheek*

Jasmine: (Even in her sleep, her hold on Nick is pretty strong. As of right now there is only an occasional whimper or sniff of discomfort)

Teshteal: Then what…?

Nick: I think you would have and still could be a great parent. You handled Jas pretty well… though I think ya may want to hold off on picking your kid up by the legs with that tail. *points to the gremlin’s long glowing tail*

Teshteal: *grabs his tail self consciously* Yeah. Sorry-

Nick: Don’t apologize. It probably was the safest way to get her back without either of you getting severely hurt.

Teshteal: *smiles a little proudly*

Jasmine: (Takes a deep breath in her sleep while her nose scrunches cutely)

Nick: You could always adopt… there are plenty of orphans in the Commonwealth that could use a good dad.

Teshteal: I could have a kid naturally-

Nick: No. I don’t think that’s possible just looking at you. Something tells me they might have messed around with your DNA and used something like FEV to make it stick. That has certain… side effects.

Teshteal: Oh… I see.

Nick: What brought this on so suddenly? You wanting kids?

Teshteal: I dunno. I guess I’d like to have a family. *shrugs* I’d like to have people who love me despite my problems…

Nick: You don’t need to be a father for that.

Teshteal: I guess you’re right. *sighs sadly*

Jasmine: (Let’s out a small whimper while she relaxes her hold on Nick, bringing one hand over to cover her face in her sleep)

Teshteal: *takes his hat off again and gently sets it on her head, only tilting it just a little to cover her eyes. If she can smell it, it smells like dust or an old house. There’s also a hint of rosemary, sandlewood, lemon grass, and olive oil in it, too but very faint- all around a very earthy and musky smell on the old hat*

Jasmine: (Doesn’t try to move but she puts her arm back around Nick)

Nick: *small smile at Jas, guessing that’s what she wanted then he looks to Teshteal* You should probably get some sleep, too. I’ll keep an ear out.

Teshteal: I’ll try. *scratches around on the ground to clear debris and makes a clean area for himself to lay. He pulls out his possum toy and curls up around it, trying to rest*

Jasmine: (Both of her hands grip onto Nicks coat while she rests. Because she is so small, her hands are quite petite and delicate as well, also very soft despite all the harshness of the Wasteland toughening up most people’s skin, literally. But she can still pack a deadly punch and hold a tight grip, she’s strangled and caved in enough heads to prove that)

Nick: *just sits there. A sentinel in a burned out house that once held so much life. One last time, it’ll shelter someone before it can finally rest*

Teshteal: *asleep but he’s having a nightmare. His legs kick in his sleep and he tries to curl up tighter around his possum*

Jasmine: (Tenses in her sleep with a small yelp of fear, her head lowering slightly)

Nick: Ssh… *strokes her hair* It’s alright… No one’s going to hurt you… *takes that rag from before and dabs cool water on her face to help soothe her and get her temperature down while she sleeps* Teshteal’s just a little restless. That’s all.

Teshteal: *clawing at nothing in his little laying area like he’s trying to attack something*

Jasmine: (Continued to whine and yelp in her sleep like a terrified lost kitten crying for her mother, her hands scratching at her skin. She tosses around when a particular shadow looms down over her and she swears she can smell that horrid skunky-earthy smell of weed that always reeked on his clothes and breath. It starts burning her eyes as she gasps for air while he crushes her under his weight and starts making her body ache in impossible ways…) (Mumbling desperately) “Off-! You are hurting me! Get off, please…. Hurts…!”

Nick: *takes her hand and gently squeezes it. Reassuringly* That man’s not going to hurt you anymore… If I ever find him he’s as good as dead.

Teshteal: *mutters softly* Not a rat.. *whips his tail in his sleep*

Jasmine: (Shrieks and squirms as Teshteal’s hat gets knocked off her head, not from Nick but from this horrible nightmare that seems endless. She squeezes her legs together and locks her ankles in an attempt to protect herself, whispering those degrading words over and over again between fast and heavy breaths of pain)

@lucilleandherrobots

#fallout #fallout 4 #fo4 #fallout 4 oc #fallout oc #fallout original character #fallout rp #nick valentine

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necroangelz · 7 months

Note

💉🫀

『 💉 』

a kin memory

as sunny from omori, i remember kel falling off the swings at the playground when we were children. we liked to do these little contests to see who could swing the highest. kel always won, but its fine because i simply enjoyed swinging (the wind, watching the sky 'move' above me, feeling like I'm flying) and being with him (hearing his laughter, his loud brash voice, and just being around his infectiously good mood). once he got into a lil accident when he was trying to get off his swing and ended up launching himself across the playground sand. he was fine. we made sure he was more careful when he played on the swings again

『 🫀 』

a game i played + an infodump

i recently got hooked on the Sanrio game "hello sweet days" thanks to one of my friends and God i am obsessed w this little dressup community game

if anyone else who sees this plays the game as well, my friend code is "5k47c6" add me!! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ tell me here if uu added me tho so i can follow back :3

also here's a silly little account that posts renders of the Sanrio characters in the game, i actually discovered it first before downloading the game && i... didn't realize that it was a game i could actually play! LOL

ramble time below vvvvv

here's some of the outfits I've worn!!

some rares and S Rares i pulled ehe

i have lots more other rares but these are the only ones i have screenshots of :P

and also here's some photos of my current house layout ehe!!!! idrk what theme im going for in my house bcz i don't have a lot of cool furniture yet from the featured banners but i think my home is rather cozy > < it's mine so that's what makes it awesome (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) i love decorating it w all the plushes I've collected

one thing i love about this game is the community aspect makes certain things much easier

like fur example. each player has a plant in their house. there's lotz of diff plants in the game && all the plants bear diff fruit obviously. watering uur own plant && others' plants gives uu exp && coins (quite a meager amount tho) and it's part of quests sometimes

&& when the plants bear fruit, other players can pick uur fruit and get normal fruit! 6 normal fruit is required to attend a party! (bc uu have to contribute treats oooobviously)

when enough people have taken fruit from uur own plant, then uur own normal fruit turns into rare fruit! && when uu have 3 of the same rare fruit uu can be the one who throws parties!

does that sound convoluted. idc it makes perfect sense to me in the game (⁠ʘ⁠ᴗ⁠ʘ⁠✿⁠)

so here's where the community part comes in. there's different forums uu can post to, but the most important forums (to me) are the water, fruit, && party forums. when someone wants ppl to water their plant, they post in the water forum and include what town they live ingame. when someone wants ppl to take fruit, they post in the fruit forum. && when someone holds a party, they post in the party forum

see this makes thingz SO much easier.

there's a quest where uu need to water 8 plants from a specific town (my melody park, hello kitty avenue, etc. bc remember this is Sanrio). now uu could spam the "walk" button && go to random houses and pray uu find someone who lives in the town that uu need.

but it's faster w the forum! bc uu just open the water forum and since everyone states which town they live in, it's easy to find ppl who live in the town uu need fur the quest!

and if uu wanna attend a party but uur low on normal fruit, just open the fruit forum! easy as that!

&& when uu get enough normal fruit from picking other ppls fruits, then uu can find a party to attend in the party forum!! i luv checking out posts in the party forum and see which party to attend based on the plushes i can get if i attend :3 (bc diff rare fruits used to start a party = diff plushes that the host and attendants can receive)

so yeah that's the main thing i wanna infodump about. i think the gacha could still be a bit better but if uu just keep logging in every day, even just to do basic quests, it still helps ^_^

I'm aiming to get 2k coins so i can pull 7x on the aurora aquarium banner and 7x on the moon horoscope banner bc i like the aesthetics :3 i might pull on the brown leopard banner too but it's not my top priority rn. I'm a gambling addict tho so sometimes i do 2-4 pulls on other banners just to take the edge off LMAOAOOA (when uu pull for the first time on a banner the price is cheaper! then it goes up on the 2nd time, up again on the 3rd time, until it goes up and stops at the 4th time i think)

I'm hoping to pull on banners w darker colors though. i don't fancy the light cutesy colors very much

#🎮﹕ press start 𝜗𝜚 ︵

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solardick · 7 months

Text

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

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angelicpersonals · 8 months

Text

Keeping up with friends

I don't do Every day talking unless you are VERY specific friends I have known for literal years. And thats only because I know they will give me breathing room, respectful if I dont respond snappy and am slow, are interested in what im up to rather than being like "yo heres some memes" so we can talk about smth im currently into. I dont mind the random meme dumps dont get me wrong. By all means go ahead. I will do it or video dumps back to let you know im thinking of you. But dont get mad if I dont have much to say.

If you want to chat, come to me with a topic. Just like if I want to chat I come to you. Now I will be more likely to chat in a GROUP than one on one because I might want to talk about the same topic with multiple people. I dont DO individual DMs very often. even those I talk to every day are in mini group dms. Individual dms are for privacy in case of emergency or for those who despise groups.

It takes a LOT of spoons, a lot of energy to keep up multiple private chats and I need people to understand that.

I have so much going on in my life, so many people and situations to deal with, so many creative projects on my plate. That I only have maybe 3 - 5 days per month where im free to interact with friends. I have 52 friends at this point. Do you see the problem here? Individual DMs / chats are not feasible when I have this much to manage.

"But you're on xyz game" I multi task, if im on a game its literally to manage my sanity. I garuntee you that its mostly just sitting in the background looking pretty rather than being played unless im eating at the same time taking a food break.

"But you are posting screenshots of-" Yes, but that can be screenshots from those small peaceful moments of the day, previous days, or I've shut down and finally taken a break bc I got too stressed. "But if you can play games why not talk to me instead" Listen, I dont want to be a b*tch but let me be blunt an honest

Chatting stresses me out, people stress me out, it expends energy to chat. More so if I have other things on my plate at the time. Im not trying to be rude or ignore you. However I live with 3 people who watch everything I do constantly and are always trying to interact with me. I have 0 privacy, rarely have time to myself because when its not my family. its my friends because I have to micromanage so much in my life and have responsibilities piled on my shoulders a mile high.

"but you dont work / are disabled" I'm aware of that. However I have to help take care of my older siblings. I have to take care of my friends, I have to deal with every friend fight or emergency. All the while dealing with anxiety and depression of my own on a daily basis. Feeling lonely and isolated which im sorry simping over astarions a** with you does not fill that void. So before im asked no chatting online will not help with that when im surrounded by stress. responsibilities and a lack of affection IRL. I am literally an unpaid faux therapist and unpaid replacement mother for almost all my friends and for my own family. Yet im the youngest. and all of this is while I have to manage deal with and dodge around PTSD triggers and even epilepsy triggers every day and deal with chronic pains and illnesses. I'm not trying to be a b*tch but reality is. if you want an always there for fun times readily available friend.

Im not for you. I can't be, my circumstances and body literally will not allow me to be. I will be there for an emergency or issue in a heartbeat don't get me wrong. But I might only talk to most people once a month unless we're in group chats.

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sttoru · 1 year

Note

💭&😠 with gojo :)

ANONNN ^_^!! thank u for asking angel mwahmwah gnna be rambling for a bit bye i answered these like i was on facetime w u telling me all abt my selfship lore w gojo. if u dont wanna read my stupid ramblings, scroll 🙏🏽🙏🏽

💭: where did you two meet?

OKUAOKAY its a loooong story which includes trauma and stuff on my part but i wont tell u , im gonna TRY and keep it short ! basically, satoru met me when he was on a solo mission >_< the school sent him out to an abandoned place where i was left @, fighting curses . now how did i end up there ? no cursed energy & nothin’ & still fightin’ these imaginary things (why dis lowkey reminding me of toji’s backstory) ? basically due to family . LAWLLL wont go into details since its a lot of explaining and lore but i got dumped there w the only weapon being a stick bcs those mfs loathed my ass bye ANYWAYS satoru found me , all messed up , and got me outta there & took me straight to shoko to get fixed up bcs i looked v BAD (as in wounds & stuff) && HE WAS SOWW WORRIED THE WHOLE TIMEEEE, muttering stuff like ‘please be all right,’ WHILE PACING AROUND THE ROOM BACK N FORTH 😋😋 anyways thas how we met and also how i got taken in by the school since i had no one lookin after me blahblahblah (insert more selfship lore) and satoru was kinda like my guardian during that time !! :3 he helped me find my way through the school, took me out to the city to explore, stuck up 4 me when i needed it, dragged me everywhere w him, let me train w him—yk just being super caring & also trying to light up my mood every time . especially when he sensed i wasnt feeling well. thas how he got me to warm up to him (rare occurrence) lol but the last thing is completely me irl … my rbf is so bad smh , ppl r always tellin me that i look mad or think m giving them looks 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️ also ion like talking to ppl much & prefer to stay in my own bubble but if i had someone like satoru (literally the complete opposite of me) id def wouldn’t mind becoming a extrovert heheeee anyhow yes eventually ended up friends to lovers :D !! sorry this turned so long bye mind u this is the shortest i could keep my rambling at oooops

😠: what's the worst fight you've had? (if applicable)

UHHHMM well . LMAO i feel like im the one that starts almost all arguments w him t_t but most arguments get solved p easily since we r both adults and act like adults & talk things out like adults ! satoru’s always patient & never yells & asks me for my part of the story before he continues so we both understand each others feelings . but theres this one time i was fed up and stressed out, to the point i wasn’t trying to listen to anything he had to say. i was staying over at his apartment, he was being clingy whilst i told him that i wasn’t in the mood at the moment (was working on a project i desperately needed to get done for the night) . satoru gives me my space, but then comes back around every half an hour or 15 minutes, asking me to take a break since i was like overworking myself and taking no tjme to rest. but yk when you’re determined to do smth, theres no stopping u (like when u r in that hyper focused state). so at one point i literally snapped and raised my voice, asking him to f off and leave me be, called him annoying (😞😞) and outed all my frustrations in a fit of rage . i felt so BADDDDD right afterwards but couldn’t bring myself to apologise since i also partially felt like i needed to be left alone at the moment.

satoru was stunned and just.. nodded and said smth among the lines of ‘okay, all right. i understand. i’m sorry for bothering you, baby. however, please take a break.’ like that man didn’t even argue back, just stayed calm & collected before leaving me be without refuting anything bad i said abt him. okay so i finished my project peacefully that night (abt 5 am when i finished) . i went to his bedroom, ready to sleep, only to not find him there. THIS MAN WAS SLEEPING ON THE COUCH . IN HIS OWN HOUSE HELLO i didnt even tell him to, but okay, 😖 i went back to the living room to apologise and tell him to sleep on the comfy bed instead of on the couch with a measly blanket he found somewhere (which didnt even cover his entire 6’4 body)., he didn’t answer me so i turned him over to look at me and ……. this man. had cried himself to SLEEEEEP 🚶🏽‍♀️ he was already sleepin & the skin surrounding his eyes was red , cheeks stained w tears i was so mad @ myself actually. DAAASHDJSN he didnt show his hurt to me bcs he knew it would only distract me more from the work i had to, therefore he let me be & dealt with his own feelings alone. YALLLL this makes me sob every time

anyways i woke him up eventually and this man wasn’t even fully awake before he pulled me down on the couch with him and hugged me tightly to his chest like he was afraid i was boutta disappear 🙍🏽‍♀️🙍🏽‍♀️ he was talkin’ abt sum ‘sorry, ‘m sorry for disrupting you earlier. are you mad at me?’ BRAHHHHH. felt so bad i didn’t sleep the entire day, apologised to him & comforted him & just held him in my arms while he slept . NEVA AGAINNNN NEVAAAAAA

selfship ask game

#༄ : selfships.#༄ : anonymous.#SORRY this is jus me answering this ask like im face to face w u talking abt my selfship lore #😞😞 i will shut up now

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centipeeing · 2 years

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firstly,your art is very cute,love your style. secondly,i need to know your list of most fucked up asutai and ranwan kinks/aus whatever......

you'r the only one who understand them on galaxy mind level. share your wisdom

uwaaa thank you for liking my art... ive been unconfident in my style lately so that means a lot!!

to be honest... I feel like I'm pretty vanilla when it comes to my own headcanons... despite being "problematic" or watever I think I'm pretty uncreative?!?!

also u kno ranwan and asutai are like the same dynamic the same pairing basically the same people!! its !! this conspiracy!! it drives me mad!!!!!!!

for ranwan I think it goes

baby trapping LMAO I THINK I LIKE THE IDEA OF CWN BABY TRAPPING MO RAN MORE SO THAN MO RAN DOING IT because I think mo ran would straight up just say he is going to pregante cwn's guzzy in the heat of the moment (and then actually shoot his load as deep as possible), while cwn would assume that mo ran has no interest in him as a partner and as a lover beyond physical touch so he would allow mo ran to take what he will until he is discarded and the moment that happens cwn will poke a damn hole in the condom (does sisheng peak have access to ancient chinese condoms) and take as many fertility medicines as possible to make the last lay count... then he would straight up never tell mo ran about it and just have a part of mo ran with him always even when he thinks mo ran wants nothing to do with him also i very specifically like this idea in mob boss txj AU.... did you read that mob boss fic where cwn owes txj 10mil yuan and hes like "if u get pregnant i might forgive your debt" that destroys my mental every time I think about it

age reversal with mo ran being the creepy predator shizun... EVEN IF IT ISNT NSFW FIC if someone writes shizun mo ran RESTRAINING HIMSELF from touching his PURE AND PERFECT DISCIPLE it makes me go sooooooo crazy... mo ran normalizing in cwn the idea of dating your extremely older shizun and it is totally normal to sleep in the same bed as your disciples yeah

did you read Cimmerian?? all of that... all of that is my ideal ranwan please read it. it changed my brain composition and made me crazy... I AM NOT EVEN INTO LIKE idk how to describe what that was... I guess "corruption" I am actually not a fan of corruption type AUs at all but it wasn't the typical type of corruption I JUST LOVE WHEN CWNS LOVE AND HIS NEED FOR LOVE AND AFFECTION AND VALIDATION FROM THE ONE PERSON HE CARES ABOUT OVERRIDES HIS MORALS AND EVERYTHING HE HAS WORKED FOR TO IMPROVE OTHERS LIVES LMAO. That is my favorite part of CWN... THE CWN WHO LOVES TAXIAN-JUN!! He forgives so much of what taxian-jun does because hes a bleeding heart despite being the great beidou immortal whom so many look to for safety and protection and i just became so obsessed with ranwan when he just decides that the one thing he wants in the world won't be taken from him again and he'd rather die with txj than to keep living to protect sisheng peak and the whole cultivation world??????????

SORRY THIS LIST IS KIND OF BORING!! IT ISNT DEGEN OR ULTRA PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE IM TRULY A SHAM!!!!!!!!!

Ok for Asutai its kind of harder to think of what is my favorite kink or AU since its all scattered... and there are rarely any good fic that get me going?

I think i just really love shota Taishakuten AU the MOST.. THERE WAS THIS FIC where Asura kidnaps child Taishakuten and raises him on the battlefield instead of letting him live with his family. He teaches him war tactics and gives him love and affection because Asura wants to change the outcome of Taishakutens fate, thinking that taking him away from the poison that is the Deca and his shitty dad/brothers who hate him. but he basically grooms him and taishakuten falls in love with asura and they eventually fuck drunk but taishakuten like k-words himself in the end and the cycle continues because Asura was just using an illusion realm to torture himself for not being able to save taishakuten it hurt me so much

Ok me and my friend have this AU about asutai where Asura is a broke college student who cant pay for his own tuition. Taishakuten is a rich ass guy working for Deca corp or whatever you would call it... and he becomes so obsessed with Asura he offers to pay for his tuition and literally becomes his sugar daddy full time. Taishakuten probably wouldn't be happy with how often Asura has to be away from him and plus the deca dump a shit ton of work on him, also he probably sees Asura making friends at some point and gets insanely jealous of that and cannot allow it AT ALL!!!!!!!!!! So Taishakuten would burn down Asura's campus so there are no in person classes and all classes are moved remote but Asura doesn't have a laptop or a quiet area for it so hes forced to move in with Taishakuten so now Taishakuten has him all for himself. Ok not problematic but when I am feeling down I think about this AU and it brings a smile to my face

Just in general for both of them... I am into the unhealthy levels of jealousy they would have for the other when they see their babygirls interacting with anyone that isn't them. I have BPD so I gotta channel that amount of psychotic energy into mo ran or cwn or taishakuten (asura doesnt have the capacity to be jealous hes too good) because they 100% would try to ruin someones life WHETHER OR NOT IT IS INTENTIONAL just to get the others attention back ON THEM!!!

#spoilers #asks #headcanons

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